#it's gonna be better in the morning
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Gotta be honest here, my depression is absolutely terrible on most saturday nights nowadays, including tonight, but I'm not gonna let it define me. I'll fight it one way or another. Succeeded banishing it once, and I can do it again.
#it's gonna be better in the morning#it will pass#just gotta think about the positive stuff and the progress made#and it's hard#personal
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You'll come back...won't you?
I don't think Bubble would know what to do if Caine left... he's all they've ever known...
Anyway *rings dinner bell* come get some Bubble angst lol
As always, au belongs to @sm-baby
#art#digital art#gremlins art#the amazing digital carnival au#the amazing digital carnival#sorry for the shitty quality I just got this idea and had to scribble it out in under an hour#just an angsty hypothetical if you will#better quality things to come I prommy#but for now... >:)#<- sniling#watch I'm gonna wake up the next morning and have to fight the urge to delete it cause it looks bad#edit: fixed the things that were bothering me I'm better now lol
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jeaker
#the diabolical draft i was teasing this morning. gonna be real im actually a little scared for the reception on this one#disco elysium#do i tag his name. eh better not to probably#my art
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they're inventing a new sport called extreme acrobatics to defend a white woman and tumblr just won gold and set a new olympic record!!!1!11 🥇congrats!
#‘naples is closer to tunis than milan’#‘self identifies as mixed’#and other things i had to read with my own two eyes this morning#like glad to know this is how nationality and ethnicity work 👍 in a slider scale that makes you more Of Color the closer u are to africa#garibaldi did not unify italy only to hear that naples is closer to tunis than milan 🙄🙄#and genuinely#as an italian woman… she is white besties. no amount of leg hair can make her more oppressed. and she IS a cop. a pula. a sbirro even#ok i was gonna type more but i shall stop#i'm not even watching those damn olympics smhhh#better i go back to draw 😪🚶♀️#send post
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kiss me once, kiss me twice, and, dare i say, kiss me three times
(progress posts: sketch, line art progress)
#when i started drawing this i didn’t intend to much more than maybe line art but here we are#this is the first time i tried out this kind of style for rendering so i hope it turned out ok!#i meant to have this done by the end of pride month too but life happened yknow how it is#better late than never amirite#i’m probably gonna wake up in the morning and hate this but who cares!!#kingdom hearts#kh#sora#kh sora#riku#kh riku#soriku#parker draws
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Seeing red? 🤔
#I was gonna post this last night#but after the dookie debacle took over my account I thought better wait till morning#anyway#Leomori am I right !#tmnt#rottmnt#rottmnt au#Leomori au#rottmnt leo
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based on this concept of steve and mike coming out to each other
🤍 also on ao3
The sun is setting in beautiful hues of pink and purple, tinging the town of Hawkins, Indiana, in a light of serenity and beauty it doesn’t really deserve. Steve’s hands are gripped tight around the steering wheel as he carefully scans the road and the houses he passes.
He almost misses the bike where it’s lying on the curb, carelessly discarded by the looks of it, and a tinge of worry shadows his frown. Worry that doesn’t quite dissipate when he spots the figure sitting on the roof, almost black against the lilac colour of the sky, but he breathes a sigh of relief. He considers grabbing the radio to let the others know he found Mike, but decides against it. Something tells him that maybe they’ll take a while. Something tells him there’s more to Will’s stunned silence and Mike’s sudden departure from where they were all hanging out at Steve’s after another successful Hellfire session.
With a sigh, Steve cuts the engine and gets out of the car, keeping his eyes on Mike the whole time — ready for him to take off again, ready to go sit a while and wait for him to come back. But Mike doesn’t move, even after he shuts the door and approaches the Wheelers’ house. He doesn’t acknowledge Steve when he pulls himself up to the roof, easier this time than the first time he did this.
There’s a snide comment in the air between them, a version of Mike that would have lashed out at him, made fun of and insulted him. But this one just sits there, hands in his lap, frown on his face, and stares ahead.
“What do you want,” he asks eventually, though it doesn’t have the kind of heat that Steve expects. He barely even sounds like a teenager. Just sort of… dejected. Steve aches for him; just a little bit.
“Just making sure you’re alright,” Steve says, shrugging, looking ahead as well so Mike doesn’t feel watched. Or seen, maybe.
Because the thing is, Steve does see him. He sees the way he looks at Will sometimes, and the way his eyes fill with something that can only be described as yearning, or aching, followed by regret and fear. Which always, always turn into anger. Into frustration. Into snide comments and rolled eyes and walls that keep getting an inch added to them each day. It’s never directed at Will, that anger, and rarely at the rest of the Party, but Steve still sees it. Gets the worst of it and takes it, because he knows something about how that feels.
He knows something about looking at someone like that, about feeling that fear, that regret, that worry that come with it. He knows something about never really daring to meet someone’s eyes for fear of what they would see.
“I’m alright,” Mike says, sounding anything but. There’s a bitterness in his voice. Frustration in the way his thumb is picking at the skin of his fingers. Confusion in the tension of his shoulders, and Steve feels like he only needs to make one wrong move, say one wrong word, make a single sound that’s off key to the melody of this moment, and Mike will jump off the roof and take off again with his bike.
So all he says, after a moment’s consideration, is, “Cool.” Like he believes him. Giving Mike room to breathe, room to pretend. He knows something about that, too.
He knows and he sees and he feels.
And suddenly he wants to say something he’s never said before, something he didn’t even get to tell Robin because she knew and saw and felt, too, taking something from him that he hasn’t yet been ready to reclaim for himself.
And maybe it’s because he sees something of himself in the way Mike holds himself, in the way he snaps at anyone willing to listen, in the way he frowns in regret and barely meets anyone’s eyes except when it’s in challenge — and, most of all, in the way he never, never meets Will’s eyes. In the way he looks away when the other boy turns to him, and in the way his eyes will snap back and take in everything about his best friend when he’s not aware of it.
Maybe it’s because the sky is pink and lilac and purple above them, allowing for a certain magic to happen, allowing for a bravery that doesn’t come easy to him; but as he sits on the roof next to Mike Wheeler, the only one of the Party he never really connected with, he closes his eyes against the breeze that catches in his hair and opens his jacket a little further, slithering beneath the fabric as if in a brief embrace, a nudge, a sign to take this leap, and takes a deep breath.
His heart is picking up its pace inside his chest, taking this leap along wit him, and pulls up one of his legs to wrap his hands around it — just to have something to hold onto.
He opens his mouth once, twice, three times, but the words never really come out. They don’t know how, and he’s beginning to tremble a little with it, tension building in his chest where the words are still locked away, hidden among layers of truth.
Mike looks over with a frown and eyes him warily. It makes Steve want to laugh, this sudden change of pace, but he just keeps staring ahead; even when Mike asks, “Are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Steve says. And then then dam is broken and breaking further, and with another deep breath, still not meeting Mike’s eyes, instead focusing on the tree tops in the distance that shine in hues of purple, he finally says, “I’m kind of dating Eddie Munson.”
And just like that, it’s out. He’s out.
He doesn’t know if the world still spins, if time still passes, if he still breathes, because for a moment there is only silence. Mike stops picking at the skin of his fingers, Steve stops trembling, and neither of them moves.
It’s both anticlimactic and momentous, this silence between them when their eyes meet. When the words unfold and grow wings, when Mike understands, his eyes growing big with something that Steve can’t quite read with how tense he is despite his best efforts.
The silence stretches between them, surpassing comfort and overstaying its welcome, and suddenly it’s Steve who feels like he’s about to take off if Mike so much as twitches his brows.
“You… What?”
Forget it, Steve wants to say. Nothing.
But also, I’m in love with Eddie Munson. And I used to be in love with Nancy. And that’s okay. Both of that, it’s okay.
He ends up repeating his words, though, because they know what it’s like to be spoken now. “Eddie. I’m kind of dating Eddie.”
“But…” It’s Mike now whose mouth is opening and closing without saying anything. Mike who’s blinking, trembling a little, twitching, picking at his skin again, moving further along his hand this time to pinch the skin between his thumb and pointer finger. Steve almost reaches out to stop him, but he doesn’t really dare to.
“But?” he prompts after a while, not quite comfortable with this loaded kind of silence.
“Eddie’s a boy.”
But Tammy Thompson is a girl.
“I know,” Steve says, his tone carefully neutral, wanting to see, to wait where Mike takes this, to hear what’s on his mind, to watch the wheels turn and the gears shift. He feels awfully raw and open, vulnerable with someone who hasn’t been treating that with care yet. But there’s something about this moment that feels bigger than his own fears, bigger than the light nausea settling in his gut; far more important than the way he wants to run and hide, away from the scrutiny.
“And…” Mike continues, still battling the words inside his head. Steve wonders if there are too many or none at all. “But you… You loved Nancy.”
Ah. Smart boy. “I did,” Steve says with a small smile. “And it was never a lie. But I found that… Yeah, I can kinda like boys, too, y’know? And that’s, like, okay.”
A beat. A frown. A confused, hopeful, small, “It is?”
Steve just nods, smiling in reassurance and relief at equal measures. Silence settles once more, now that the sky has darkened into a deeper, darker blue; but it’s not as loaded this time, not as tense. It’s an invitation. An offering. A promise of I’m here, I’m with you, you can take as long as you need. To get down from the roof, to come back, to come out of wherever you think you need to hide from the world.
Mike takes it. He stays, pulling up his leg, too, mirroring Steve’s pose and staring ahead, but not as far away. He seems alert, seems to be thinking rather than dwelling, seems to be gearing up for something. Steve watches and sees and knows, remaining patient beside him, his chin resting on his knee as Mike learns to deal with this new world that has been presented to him. This new world that comes with opportunities and chances and possibilities that are scary and big and difficult to make.
“Y’know,” Mike starts at last, interrupting the silence, playing with it, his voice hushed and quiet to keep it from disappearing completely. “Lucas, when he had that championship game? He told us, Dustin and me, that we didn’t have to be the losers this time. The nerds. The outcasts. Different. And all I wanted was to scream at him, because…”
Mike swallows his words, keeping them from tumbling out of his mouth, and Steve aches for him again. He wants to reach out, wants to say it’s okay, tell him it’s alright, to take his time. But he waits in silence, lets Mike find the bravery he needs on his own, and waits.
“Because how could he say that, you know? How could he, when… Will wasn’t there. And all I did, all I ever did anymore, was miss him. And I loved El, I knew I did. And she was gone, too, but…”
He trails off again, and this time Steve picks it up. To let him know he’s not alone. To let Mike know he understands what he’s saying. He understands. “But she’s not Will. You needed Will.”
“But I shouldn’t!” Mike explodes suddenly, riled up because Steve adds fuel to the fire, because Steve has that same fire, too; and because they are so, so similar when they want to be. “And now he’s back and it should be fine, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, it doesn’t even make sense! How can I…”
Steve looks at him, at his expression that is nothing but lost — completely and utterly. He’s seen it on the bathroom floor at the mall; high out of his mind as he was, he’ll never forget the way Robin looked at him, the sheer crestfallen expression. All that confusion, all that fear and frustration and, in the end, resignation. He’s seen it in the mirror, and he’s seen it in those pretty brown eyes that he just can’t get out of his head anymore.
He offers, gently, “How can you need him when he’s right there? How can you love him when a year ago you loved El?”
And Mike just looks at him before he deflates completely, his shoulders falling along with his face. He nods. Shrugs. Looks away and hides his face behind his leg.
Steve sighs softly, watching the boy and speaking the words he wants to say the sixteen year-old version of himself. “I don’t know,” he says truthfully. “I really don’t, and it sucks sometimes, having this need to, like, decide. Or understand. Or stop and be like the rest of them.” Like Robin and Eddie, or like the rest of the world. “But I like to think, sometimes, that maybe it’s a good thing. That there’s just… I don’t know, it sounds corny as hell, but like, there’s just so much love to give, we can’t even stick to only boys or girls, y’know.”
“That does sound real corny as fuck, man,” Mike says, and back is that long suffering tone of his, back is that eye roll and the twitching elbow, ready to nudge Steve in the side. It’s still tinged with that vulnerability, not quite Mike yet, but it’s an offering.
One of many tonight, it seems.
Steve grins, a bit lopsided and raw, shoving Mike gently as he remembers something he overheard once. “Sorry, mister Heart of our group, but I don’t think you have any leg to stand on here.”
That makes Mike freeze, though, and he stares at Steve wide-eyed; caught. Exposed. Reminded.
“What did you say?”
“Uh,” Steve falters, not sure where he went wrong — or if he went wrong at all. “I overheard Will calling you that, talking about you to, uhm. Someone. I don’t know. Why, what’s— What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Mike says, way too quickly, pulling away again with everything he has, hiding behind those walls once more, and Steve feels whiplash from it.
“Mike,” he says, his voice quiet and gentle as he turns to face him completely.
“No.”
“It’s okay,” Steve says. Promises, as much as he can.
“Shut up!”
“You’re not wrong or bad or broken. It’s okay, you’re okay.”
“I said, shut up, Steve.”
“You should see the way he looks at you, too. You should go talk to him. You—“
Mike lashes out, finally coming out from behind those walls again, only to shove at Steve, to push him away — hard enough for him to lose his balance and almost fall off the roof, clenching one hand on the edge, the other in the rainwater gutter with a bitten-off curse.
“Shit, I’m sorry!” Mike reaches for him immediately, snapping out of whatever anger Steve caused, and pulling him back until he’s safe again, apologising over and over, dead to Steve’s promises that it’s alright. “Fuck, I’m so sorry, Steve, I’m so—“
He pulls Mike against his chest, finally reaching out to hold the boy who always pushes people away when they get too close — quite literally, too.
But he doesn’t shove this time, doesn’t move out of Steve’s grasp as the mumbled apologies become heaving sobs.
“It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re so okay, Mike,” Steve tells him over and over as he holds him. The sky above is almost black now and Steve lets Mike cry into his chest.
It takes a while for Mike to calm down, but Steve just holds him through it, ready to let go whenever Mike wants to pull back and snap out of it again — but he never does, and Steve feels a certain kind of affection for the boy that is usually reserved for Lucas or Dustin.
At last, when he’s calmed down, Mike pulls back a little. “Do you really… Does it… Is it really okay?”
Can it be okay? Can I really like both? Is that not just me, being broken and wrong and bad? Will I get the chance to not be alone?
Steve swallows hard, and his voice is hoarse when he says, “Yeah. It’s really okay. ‘N’ I’m with you, yeah? If someone gives you shit for it. Or if you need a reminder.”
And Mike — puffy eyed, snotty nosed, so, so young — looks at him with those trusting eyes and nods, like he believes Steve. Like he trusts him. Like he hopes.
“Just don’t fucking shove me off your roof again.”
Ans just like that, the spell is broken, the tension is lifted, and silence has left them, as Mike almost chokes on a laugh and shoves at him again, lightly this time, before jumping off the roof so Steve can’t retaliate.
“Asshole,” he mutters, shaking his head as he, too, jumps off the roof, dusting off his pants as he watches Mike grabbing his bike. “Hey, Micycle,” he calls, cackling when Mike flips him the bird. “You want a ride back?”
Mike stops, considering as Steve casually flicks his keys into the air and catches them expertly. “What kinda music do you got?”
“The Clash, ‘cause Eddie hates them.”
“Yeah, that’s because they suck!”
Steve snorts, opening the driver’s side door. “Y’know, they’re one of Will’s favourites, actually.”
He watches Mike freeze with a grin on his face, knowing there’s no way the boy would take the bike.
“You’re so annoying,” Mike sighs as he brings his bike close to the garage and carefully lays it on the grass this time before hurrying over to Steve, getting in on the front, rolling his eyes when Steve cackles. “I don’t know why Eddie would date you—“
His words are drowned out when Steve turns up Train in Vain, drumming along on the steering wheel with a shit eating grin. Though the atmosphere is wildly different now, the spell broken and the bubble burst, it’s undeniable that something happened between them. Something big, something important.
Something that makes Mike’s annoyed, long-suffering expression be broken by the smile he’s trying to hide. It makes Steve laugh, elated and feeling something that’s much, much bigger than he himself ever could be.
It’s going to be okay. So, so okay.
Before they know it, they’re pulling up to Steve’s and he turns off the car, is about to get out when Mike makes him still again.
“Hey, Steve?”
“Hm?”
“I think it’s cool. You and Eddie.”
He smiles, relief and fondness washing over him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.” He reaches over and ruffles Mike’s hair — a wild mane these days, but they could make it work with some care and some products. “Now go get your man, lover boy.”
“God, you suck so much, you’re so annoying!”
Steve’s cackling again when the passenger door slams shut and Mike lets himself into his house.
He spots a figure in the dark, their face lighting up when they take a drag of a cigarette — and Steve’s heart stumbles in his chest. He scrambles to get out, attempting to look calm and collected, even though Eddie always manages to see right through him.
“Hello, stranger,” he says, leaning against the wall beside Eddie, hiding away in the dark, where the world won’t see their shoulders touch, or their fingers tentatively playing with each other before they can’t take it no longer and lace their hands, holding on tight.
“Hi,” Eddie breathes. “How’d it go?”
“Fine, I think. But, uhm… I told him. About me. About us. That, uh. That okay?”
Even in the dark, Steve can feel eyes on him, but he just stares ahead, opting instead to give his warm hand a squeeze. He smiles when Eddie’s thumb begins to draw patterns on his palm.
“Hmm. Very. You think they’ll be okay?”
“Yeah,” Steve breathes, stealing Eddie’s cigarette from his mouth and pulling it between his own lips. “Yeah, I think they will be.”
#steve & mike#steve harrington#mike wheeler#steddie#byler#pre-relationship byler#real hesitant to use the pairing tags tho 🥺😭#this kinda ran away from me i feel like i’m gonna have to try again with better words but here’s what i got for a first try#i write this whole 3.2k words thing tonight it is 2am i should proofread this but i have a lecture early in the morning i get 5h of sleep#(but only if i fall asleep right this instant which. ain’t happening chief. anyway uh depression era words?#dio words#and yes the bisexual light of this whole scene is important thanks for asking
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i got to meet scorpy, baaulp, holly, trog, kami and the tortured soul of wayne today :') i finally got to gift scorpy the socpens funko from years ago. a quest finally completed.
they were all so so kind and i couldn't be happier to finally get to meet the people who've inspired me for years 🥹 thank you rtvs!!!
#i wont lie i didnt think itd get to go to the meetup bc i couldnt afford pax this year bc of my injury#so when i saw the announcement this morning it was like oh shit okay i guess i CAN go#i only had like an hour to prepare. otherwise i would have brought them all art and something better for them to sign#but im really happy with these#um on the off chance any of rtvs see this post thank you for making the meetup accessible to people who couldnt get pax tickets#pax was like the one birthday present i was gonna get for myself and the meetup was a huge bonus but then BAM no work bc injury#so getting to still go to the meetup was so so awesome :')#socpens#bauulp#trog#hollowtones#wayneradiotv#rtvs#my pictures
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breaking news siren hermanunworthy FINALLY posts mer kiddad designs after being on dndadsblr for a year and a half
#IF I LOOK AT THIS THING FOR ONE MORE SECOND I WILL COMMIT VIOLENCE. TAKE IT#i really hope yall like these ive been thinking about these designs for ages#i almost NEVER draw these guys which is criminal#i still havent figured out how to export my art in a better quality. which is also criminal#i KNOW im gonna find more things i wanna change about this in the morning but whatever#grant wilson#lark oak#sparrow oak#nicky close foster#terry stampler jr#dungeons and daddies#dndads#dndads fanart#my art
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When I play an Uchikoshi game—famous for having plot twists that recontextualize gameplay mechanics and player assumptions—and the plot twist recontextualizes gameplay mechanics and the assumptions I’ve been making
#is this funny? idk but I finished aini tonight and uchikoshi did it again#it’s late so I’m gonna do all the epilogue stuff in the morning and formulate better thoughts on overall story#but yeah. the gameplay twist got me this time just like it has for the other uchikoshi games lmaooo#no direct spoilers referenced at all so I don’t think I need to tag for spoilers#and this is just a staple of his at this point so yeah. this isn’t gonna ruin the experience for anyone#aini#aitsf#zero escape#kotaro uchikoshi#white weasel talks#I scream about aitsf
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How come John Darnielle is the only person who gets it. I’ve no idea what it is but he sure does get it
#the mountain goats#had a chronic pain flair and felt sad all morning#but jd gets it man#I’m feeling a bit better now though and I’ve promised myself I’m gonna go swimming this evening#c
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[og]
#masadai#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 2#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#daigo dojima#masato arakawa#ryo aoki#snap sketches#my house had a black out until literally like three hours ago when i got home from running errands with my sister#and i was already almost done with this so i decided to finish it before bed#please take this half serious as most masadai things should be taken this was simply the funniest chart i saw#in tandem with the timing of my inbox this morning jlkvjaerlkjve#gonna direct people to this post whenever i get asked about masadai now#ok goodnight i have a busy day ahead of me in. an hour#sorry if you cant read my handwriting my friend's mom says i write really small cause im insecure and she's probably right#better bust out those magnifying glasses !!!! for now goodnight
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Time for a new toy!
Camera stayed ahead pretty much all week, so tomorrow there will be a camera in the garden!
So now...
("Nothing" option will still attract a cat!)
#UTDR#UTMV#Neko Sansume#Alright one more week of normal kitty options!#This is probably the smart idea actually cause I'll have more time this week to figure out how I want the event to go#I have a couple ideas of how to make it work so this way I can plan ^^#I'm also always so interested to see how the polls go#I never have any idea what's gonna take the lead so it's a real surprise for me lol#Let's see who's showing up next week :D#Also I have all the stuff set out for tomorrow's kitty in the morning ^^#Wondering if I should start changing it on saturday night instead#Like is that better for more people's timezones?#You guys can let me know!!
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day 31
im sick blehh
#hunter x hunter#hxh#occasional hxh doodles#gon freecss#ive been studying all morning bc i got maths exam tomorrow and i really really hope i get better before then#bc otherwise i dont think ill be able to properly do the exam 😭 not like im gonna get a high grade either way but you know
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You hit your head or something? You're in Emerald Vale. We're a Spacer's Choice community.
#the outer worlds#towedit#gamingedit#dailygaming#oc: felicity gibson#g: tow#s: the outer worlds#had the itch this morning#idk if im gonna make a lot of in-game stuff tbh#i can't get my old flycam to work and it's a little tedious using the debug camera every time#the dialogue is even better than i remembered#obsidian is so on point
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My mother had abdominal surgery the same week as Catherine and for an enlarged organ, like Charles. She took 6 weeks off work and even now still isn’t 100%. I can’t imagine her being abused by people on the internet, the media, anyone close to her trying to violate her private medical information and invalidate her as a respectable human being.
When I got the notification on my phone that said Catherine had cancer, I already felt bad because of what she’s had to endure while recovering from a surgery—and with so much stress that surely hasn’t made recovering any easier—but also now more than ever because she also has to deal with this. And with 3 young children. My mother has 3 children: a 24-year-old and 2 teenagers, and it’s bad enough to lose your mother at those young ages but at 5, 8, and 10 is just the one of the worst positions you can be put in. I can’t even fathom how hard it must have been to find the right time and words to break it down for them gently with such limited time and ways to share this news to children this young.
And for William, my heart is really breaking for him too. He lost his mother at such a young age and has seen so many people around him suffer and cause him to suffer by burdening him with so much, he must be feeling so much pain and guilt right now. And with an older father, your only living parent, that also has cancer is just hell. I know they’re rich and live in a palace and all that but he is in a very unfortunate position right now and I applaud how good of an attitude and great sense of dignity he has had since the day he was born despite all he’s endured. I know I crap on him a lot for things like his work ethic but I do admire how strong he is and always has been, his family has all my support.
And to the people backtracking all the conspiracy theories and hate now that we all know she has cancer, y’all are some two-faced motherfuckers and even if she didn’t have cancer it was never ok to act how you all did before. Someone else’s pain should not be entertained, you should all be ashamed of yourselves, able to have your own privacy and peace when it comes to your health while being vultures to a recovering mother going through chemotherapy.
#the morning of my mother’s surgery i was gonna ask if you guys could keep her in her thoughts and prayers#but after seeing how you all treated the king i decided against that#they both deserve better#cancer#kate middleton#princess of wales#king charles iii#prince william#prince of wales#prince george#princess charlotte#prince louis#british royal family
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