#it's better to focus on the good times we had and be grateful our paths crossed however briefly it may have been

[snowflop]

man.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being the reason my mom and her boyfriend broke up?

My (23) mom has been with this person since I was 7 years old. They do not nor have they ever lived together (in fact, he lives a state away and drives here every thursday-sunday). To his credit, he has shown up for me for orchestra concerts, graduation, flight pick ups, etc almost my whole life whereas my dad has not. However I have not liked him since I was around 17 years old (we were in the middle of a very long drive two states away from home yet AT NIGHT. My mom has high anxiety and can't see very well at night and he screamed at her for not driving but then didn't even stop the car to let her drive anyway?? And when she started crying he jerked the radio up to the highest volume and ignored me kicking and yelling at him in the back because I could've driven instead but whatever)

Anyway. He has a history of tantrums and outbursts like the above. He's never been violent, but one time he hid my mom's cat's ashes just to upset her. He broke her potted plants, showed up at her work to yell at her more, etc. Thanksgiving of 2020, he had me cornered against the wall and was screaming in my face about how ungrateful and disrespectful I am because I didnt talk to him enough while I was home for break. We ended up having to leave our house and stay at a friend's.

And yet my mom forgave him because he cried and apologized to her. But never to me. And she expected me to forgive and move on because she "knows he has a good heart."

Anyway anyway, my mom knew how I felt after that. To prevent him having meltdowns on Christmas or his birthday or fathers day, she would get him gifts and put my name on them. Which I never asked her to do.

Well this year for Christmas he decided I once again was not being grateful or respectful or appreciate enough to/for him. My mom told me to call him and apologize and I said no, because he's never apologized to me and I didn't think I had even done anything. Plus, if I DID apologize out of nowhere for not meeting his expectations he would've known my mom told me to do so.

I was on the long drive home for break when they got into a big fight about me. He asked her if she would choose him or me and she chose me. He broke the brand new TV she bought him for Christmas and the entertainment stand it was on. They haven't seen each other since.

My mom says it's not my fault, but I feel like I've always been the one wedging between them. I'm the one who couldn't let things go, I'm the one who obviously avoids him, I'm the one who won't accept his apologies through a third party. She says this is for the best because they're on different paths and now she can focus on herself, her own happiness, and her faith (which is very important to her and not at all for him).

I just wish my mom was able to come to this conclusion without me being the catalyst. There had to have been a better way to go about this. I don't think I'm blameless here. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[calnote]

What next for me

Lately, I’ve found myself asking an important question: Is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved at all? For a long time, I believed I had someone who genuinely cared for me, but now, I find myself questioning that belief. Why do we sometimes treat each other with such cruelty? I thought we could at least part as mature adults, supporting each other in our individual journeys. Yet, I’m beginning to wonder if that was ever truly in your heart. Despite everything, I will always hold respect for you, even when that respect was not returned.

Maria, I loved every part of you—both the good and the bad. I accepted you fully, because I genuinely cared about you as a person. But now, the person you’ve become is unrecognizable to me. I don’t know what changed, but the warmth I once felt from you has been replaced with coldness. The one-word responses and your focus solely on yourself made me question if this is really the person I once loved. The Maria I knew would never have treated me this way. My memories of you will always remain pure, even if your actions no longer reflect the person I once cherished.

You were my first love, and you taught me what it meant to care for someone else. You gave me a reason to live, and for that, I will always be grateful. I was truly happy to be with you. But now, I find myself facing the reality of life without you—a reality that, honestly, feels like my worst nightmare. It’s hard to come to terms with, but it’s the reality I must now accept.

The timing of all this, so close to my birthday, felt especially hurtful. I don’t know what your intentions were, nor can I claim to understand what you were thinking. I’m not a psychic or a god. But I do hope, deep down, that I still have a place in your heart, even if I no longer have a place in your life. As I told you before, I will always be around, no matter where life leads you. Yet now, I find that I must focus on my own well-being, because it feels as if you discarded me as though I meant nothing to you.

I’m uncertain about what the future holds. I’m not sure if it will be bright, but I hope it’s at least good. I still have dreams I want to achieve—dreams of building a family, of growing old with the people I love. I hope to meet a woman who isn’t afraid to fight for love, who can proudly call me her man, boyfriend, and future husband. I know I have a lot to offer, and I’m determined to pursue my career in nursing, helping others and becoming the strong, compassionate person I’ve always hoped to be.

This year, I’ve met many people who have had a profound impact on my life. I’m genuinely grateful for these new connections, and I hope these bonds will last. For the first time, I feel like I’ve found true friendships—people I can trust and talk to. I no longer feel as isolated as I once did, and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. There was a time when I believed my future was bleak, and I even questioned my own worth, thinking I didn’t deserve love. But this year has shown me that I’ve been too hard on myself. I never truly saw my own value. Now, I’m learning to appreciate who I am, because I’ve realized that many people love and care about me, and I am deeply grateful for that.

Moving forward, I’m choosing to live for myself. I can no longer afford to stay stuck in the past. I have my own aspirations—dreams of love, travel, and family. I want to experience life fully, to have children, and to show them the love they deserve. Above all, I want to be a strong, supportive role model for those who need it. This year has taught me many lessons, but the most important one is that love can be fleeting. One day you might have it, and the next, it may be gone. I hope I never take that lesson for granted again.

As for the future, I don’t know what plans God has in store for me, but I trust that His plans are meant to guide me to a brighter path. I hope that, over time, I can better understand myself and what love means to me. I know that everyone defines love differently, but I hope that one day, I will find someone whose definition of love aligns with mine—someone who is there for me through our worst moments, who offers love and affection freely, and who cherishes every second we spend together.

[sab-teraa]

Tye Talks: A Diary Entry

(22/02/24 || 22:58 pm)

Good evening friends, I hope you are all well and having a lovely Thursday! Just one more day till the weekend! Yay <3

Inspired by the lovely @the-winds-of-destiny-xxx , I've decided to start blogging about my day. Hopefully, I will be able to stay up to date lol.

Work

Ugh, I've been up since 5am prepping myself to deliver my second lecture of the semester. It went well, kinda. The students were super interactive which is great. Application + practicality > regurgitating information. They did super well. Also, we have a new HoD, and while I really liked our previous heads, the new HoD is a breath of fresh air and I really enjoy their approach towards education.

My full-time job is actually soooo … atm. My colleague has resigned which is all cool and I wish her the best.

But, there’s a trend I’ve noticed recently within our organization … and I hope it does not present any problems in the future. Tbh, I think it has presented a problem before … but idk. Anyway, constructive criticism goes a long long way … only if you’re keen and willing to learn …. which this person defo is NOT.

Enough about my colleagues, the CEO presented me with an opportunity but I'm lowkey nervous .. bc I prefer being a private + somewhat anonymous person lol, but I obviously said yes. Let's see how it goes, anything can happen and this whole project might fall through. Especially in this economy.

All in all, I really love my job and the career path I’ve taken. I hope it does not backfire on me later on in life.

Uni

Gosh. Uni is the bane of my existence atm. Tho, i did make a bit of progress on my thesis today. I know exactly what I need to do, but I just don't have the motivation to it. But, I think I've finally got myself together .. so let's see what happens.

Also, I'm so grateful for my thesis supervisor <3 she is so understanding and supportive.

Health

Is this tmi? Maybe? Apologies if so?

But, my nose and throat have been KILLING me recently? Idk if it’s bc of the fan or what … but yup. Thank god for cloves! They’ve helped wayyyy more than anything else I’ve tried lol. Also, my pms is really starting to hit 😭😭 I’ve been in soooo much pain since I got back home.

My mentally, I’m doing okay … there’s obvs moments in the day where I’m like shit?? I’m an adult adult?? Yet my life feels so stagnant 😂 but then I try to keep it moving and not think so much about what I want … and I try to focus on what I do have…. bc I’ve done my best.

Fun and mundane

I finally got to go to my first gym class of the week - I really needed that! The housewives from my class invited me for smoothies afterwards … and they are so fun! Are they my mums age mates? Yes 😂😂 but I loved hanging out with them .. they truly live in their own bubble .. I wanna be exactly like them when I’m older lol.

Oh Oh! And I finally finished the second season of Al Rawabi School for Girls ... flip, it truly broke my heart. What an amazing show.

I really wanted to start the new season of Real Housewives of Durban … but the new Showmax app is truly YUCK! I have the ick 🫠🫠 but, I love the show waaaaay too much, so I’d probs get over it soon lol.

Other than gym and catching up on tv, I made a delicious lasagna for dinner. I'm convinced that my homemade meat sauce and cheese sauce remains undefeated, or maybe that's just me being cocky lol. If I had more space, I would have defo attempted to make the pasta too.

I'm super excited for this weekend bc my friends and I are going to this art and music event and getting food afterwards. I also really wanna buy that duvet set I saw online ... since I'm no longer purchasing an apartment (recession boo boo boo 🍅🍅🍅), I may as well just re-do my current apartment lol. It already looks great, but I've been putting off getting a new duvet set bc I presumed I was gonna buy a bigger bed lol... so I've just been rotating between the two sets I have ... and damn they've seen better days lol.

Relationships

After all he has been through, my brother finally has some great things happening. I am so proud of him. I know he will achieve everything he aspires to <3 This has also done wonders for his self-confidence, he truly needed this, and I hope ... I really hope that it stays on this positive track.

Positive family news aside, idk if anyone saw the post about my uncle? But god damn I'm annoyed af. (Side note: He is my mums cousin btw; but my entire family is close). Anyway, my uncle called my mum to rant … and according to my mum he was sooooo proud of what he said to his wife??? I’m just disgusted. Idk how. His wife could forgive him for this. I’m so glad my mum put him in his place ✋🏽✋🏽✋🏽

I know its not about me and I have no right to speak on other people's relationships, but I hate seeing people put their all into a relationship and even go against their own family to be with someone ... only for their partner to treat them like this. His wife deserves soooooo much better and its sooo heartbreaking that she has to go through. My heart truly breaks for her. I pray everything works out for her.

Conclusion

Anywho … if you made it this far! Thank you for reading my ramblings <3 wishing you a lovely day! Stay safe babes 😘

[thetravelingbard]

A Weekly Aside (2)

09/21/2024

“Travel does not exist without home....If we never return to the place we started, we would just be wandering, lost. Home is a reflecting surface, a place to measure our growth and enrich us after being infused with the outside world.” - Josh Gates

I have taken up writing in the park near my house these past few weeks. I have never been especially good at consistently journaling. However, from my perspective, moving to Scotland is as good a time as any to try, try again. Anyway, today it was what could be considered “typical Scotland weather” with gray skies and horror movie-esk wind. I found myself sitting in shorts, of all things, writing again in my teal little notebook.

When writing today, I found myself considering the idea of ‘home’. I’ve always believed that home is defined by the people you lay your heart with and not so much any actual location. As I settle myself into life in Edinburgh, with love and light in my heart, I find myself missing the people stretched across several thousand miles. This is not a new phenomenon for me, do not let me fool you. Growing up I had family stretched all across the east coast. In college, some of my closest friends ranged from CST to GMT. I am no stranger to long distance friendships. Now that I am outside of the bubble of childhood and my undergraduate degree and forging my own path forward into my 20s, I find myself wishing I could share these moments with my people. It’s these moments that I thank the wonders of modern technology. I know there is endless harm the media has caused in modern society, I am by no means dissenting that. However, I will always be grateful for the ability to connect with people so effortlessly. It’s a bit like being able to bring home with you.

Retrospection aside, let’s get to the life update. This week was the first week of classes. I’ve been trying really hard to compartmentalize things and focus on only one semester at a time. I’m taking three classes this semester: International Relations Theory; Gender, Politics, and Representation; and Core Quantitative Data Analysis 1 & 2. My favorite is by far the second one. I was worried about the quantity of readings required, but so far it hasn’t been too bad. I’m still waiting for the shoe to drop, haha. 

I wanted to pursue International Relations not necessarily for just laws or specific policies, but to learn about people and demographics. My background in Psychology and Communications should hardly make this a surprise. Honestly, I am interested in applying my studies, in all three courses, to people in some way or another. I hope to steer my dissertation in this direction as well. I’ve been told by probably every professor and advisor to start thinking about a potential dissertation topic, which I have been, do not worry, but beyond that…I’m trying to not get too ahead of myself. I don’t really have to begin planning until February, so I do not need to get ahead of myself. 

Aside from that, I’ve been really just trying to adjust to a new routine. I went to a female singing group this Thursday that I am optimistic about as well. I forgot how much I love singing in a choir. Once my tutorials (smaller groups based on the lectures) start this upcoming week, I’m hoping to get a better grasp onto what my schedule is going to be looking like. I’ve also been applying to jobs like crazy, but haven’t had any luck so far. Finger’s crossed! 

Cherish those you call home, wherever they are. 

<3 Serena

[allylikethecat]

Hi Ally!!! How are you? How’s your day been?

Girl I was STRUGGLING today I think I’ve built a caffeine tolerance because I had two energy drinks and was yawning ALL. DAY. Anyway, I think I’ll take a caffeine break and hopefully my celsius will work its magic again haha

ATKH: the update was wonderful I’m always rooting for Fictional!Matty and George in every fic but this fictional!Matty to not immediately forgive and/or beg for Fictional!George back.. I’m so sad for our sweet Matty because I’m sure he’s trying so so hard to not disappoint everyone and do good at the competition but the fact that he’s SELLING SALLY and MOVING BACK HOME??? I really hope we get to see how this is going down from Mattys pov and I need both George and Mattys reactions povs in the next chapter because GEORGE IS SURPRISING MATTY IN PERSON??? (I hope Matty punches him lol not really but maybe) 😭

MWFD: I’m also so sad for this fictional!Matty too :(. I’m happy he’s decided to work on self healing to be a good parent and I hope he can do it with George in his corner as well. I can’t wait for the other guys in the story to come back hopefully and everyone talks and everyone is happy (if that’s the path this story takes) I just wanna say again that I love this fic sm and I had never read mpreg before because I never thought it would be something I was into. Soooo infinite kudos to you for writing this I’m so glad I found it!!!

Talk shop Tuesday!

What’s does Infection!Verse George and Mattys wedding look like? Do they elope and have it be private and quick? Did they go all out and have a wedding? How would that work w the best man situation? Who asked Ross and who asked Adam to be their bestmans?

Which side of the bed do your George and Matties sleep on?

🥤

AHHH Hello My Dearest Smoothie Anon!! As always it is an absolute joy to hear from you!! I'm sorry to hear that today was a struggle 😭 I think I would actually cry if my Celsius stopped working... with how early I have to wake up to ride Pop before it gets too hot it is sometimes the only thing getting me through the day 😭 I hope tomorrow is better!!

ATKH: Poor Fictional!Matty he really tried his best and just couldn't get a break. He's trying SO HARD at the show, he doesn't want to disappoint anyone but he really is crumbling emotionally and physically. He's hit his breaking point and even though it's absolutely destroying him, horses are expensive and he doesn't know what else to do - Sally deserves more than he can provide at the moment and he needs to go crawl back to his father and regroup LOL sometimes I wonder if I should write a few one shots / a prequel of this universe from Fictional!Matty's POV but I know this fic is super niche so the fact that anyone is reading it in the first place is wild to me (and I feel like I can only have one super niche self indulgent fic at a time and em... I have another one of those in the works...) BUT AH Fictional!George is flying to Canada, we will see how Fictional!Matty feels about his arrival...

Ducklings: AHHH thank you so much for giving this fic a chance, especially if mpreg isn't your usual thing! Hey, Fictional!Matty might be really sad at the moment BUT at this point it can only go up from here right? Everyone knows now... which means Fictional!Matty (and everyone else...) can focus on healing! It's really gotten away form me and has turned into much more of a beast than anticipated and I'm so grateful for everyone that has stuck with it (and me!!) I hope you continue to enjoy how it all unfolds!

Talk Shop Tuesday: They have a small wedding, close friends and family (minus most of Fictional!George's family) only! It was very them. Fictional!Matty was slightly hungover after getting drunk the night before and showing up at Fictional!George's hotel room door sobbing that Fictional!George needs to leave while he still can, before it becomes official. Fictional!George obviously just tucks Fictional!Matty into bed because he's never leaving Fictional!Matty again if he can help it. Fictional!Hann originally stood with Fictional!Matty and Fictional!Ross originally stood with Fictional!George but because this is a fictional wedding and rules don't have to apply they switched halfway through. WOW this is making me really want to write the wedding oneshot...

I feel like I answered this already before a while ago but I can't find it or remember what I said 💀 BUT they don't necessarily have *sides* but rather Fictional!George sleeps closest to the door so that if someone where to break in he would be in the way to protect fictional!Matty. Fictional!Matty doesn't realize THAT'S why fictional!George always insists on sleeping closest to the door... he thought it was so he couldn't sneak out.

Thank you SO MUCH for sending me this ask, and for reading and for the continued support and being so all around wonderful!! I always smile so wide when I see you in my inbox!! I'm so grateful that you take the time out of your day to not only read my fics but to send me these kind of wonderful asks, just thank you SO MUCH. I hope the rest of your week goes better than today did, and that you're able to get some rest!

❤️Ally

[binarybitex]

the world is so beautiful when you focus on the little things that tie us together.

today I was at target and one of my favorite songs came on. as I quietly sang the chorus, I passed by a child with their parent. i hear in their sweet, unbothered voice the same lyrics that I sung to myself. I couldn't help but smile knowing that this child, at least 15 years younger than me, also loves the 80s hit Uptown Girl. it was only a split moment where we miraculously crossed paths, where our two voices harmonized at opposite ends of an aisle.

at work, I get to curate products to patients' needs. im going through my usual motions and script that I've recited over a couple thousands times: I ask, "last call, is there anything else you'd like to add today while you're here?" and the patient looks at me with an excited, but apprehensive smile. she asks about a new product we carry that she was on the fence about. I sell it to her - not because of a better ATP or weekly sales goal - but because I genuinely love the product too. I could tell she felt the excitement when I talked to her about my positive experience.

I had to take an Uber recently, much to my innate anxiety and social fears baked into my being. I was scared, and I did what they tell you to do like plucking out eyebrow hairs and leaving finger prints on the glass. I made small talk, because ive gotten good at that sort of thing, and he ends up telling me that he actually started Uber driving in the evenings because his therapist recommended it to him. he was kind, genuine, and shared to me something very personal about how he became a recluse after his wife passed away. I listened, and I asked followup questions, because I know what it's like to self isolate and feel unheard.

people I may or may not ever cross paths with again, but I can't help feel grateful to be a part of their lives even if for a moment. to help bring them joy, or to listen, or to simply exist in the same space.

[serenitychronicles]

From Grief to Growth: the Catalyst for Life's Greatest Changes

Ramadan, a month of contemplation, spiritual growth, and self-reflection, holds a special place in the hearts of millions of Muslims around the world. It's a time when we focus on our relationship with Allah, try to improve our character, and seek forgiveness for our sins. And for many of us, it's also a time of physical rest and rejuvenation, a time to recharge our batteries for the spiritual journey ahead.

During the day of Ramadan, when the scorching sun beats down on us, and our bodies crave a moment of respite, lying down for a while seems like the perfect remedy. I close my eyes, feel the coolness of the air on my skin, and let my minds drift away. Thankfully, if I can sleep for 1-2 hours, even though it is not recommended because it's easy to oversleep until Asr and wake up feeling dizzy. So, scrolling through Instagram is something to do when lying in bed.

One day, while scrolling through Instagram during my brief nap, I came across a story that shook me to my core. It was about someone I didn't know personally, but their story left an indelible mark on me. The person had passed away while sleeping in the days leading up to Eid. Suddenly, the fear of death that I had been suppressing for so long overwhelmed me. It was the third time I had heard the news of someone's passing, and each time it felt more real and more terrifying.

Since then, bedtime has become the scariest time of the day for me. As we drift off into a peaceful slumber, a nagging fear lingers at the back of our minds. I'm afraid of not waking up again, of leaving behind unfinished business, of not having enough time to repent for my sins. What if I don't wake up again? What if my time has come, and I'm not ready to face our Creator? These thoughts weigh heavily on my heart, reminding me that death is always lurking around the corner, waiting for its chance to claim me. And so, every night, I cry myself to sleep, praying for forgiveness and asking Allah to protect me from an untimely death.

When I wake up, I always look for studies by Syaikh that discuss death. I wonder, is it really better to fear or hope for death? Or is this feeling of fear of death actually good or not? Because when I read stories of my friends, they really wish for death, while the fear that I feel makes me hope to be kept away from death, as far as possible that God could do for me. This growing fear is so intense that I told Umi, even though I am the type of person who finds it difficult to convey what I feel to other people. Maybe this can describe how scared I was at that time.

But as the days go by, I realize that this fear of death can be a powerful motivator for change. It can push us to be better, to do better, and to live our lives with purpose and intention. And during Ramadan, when our spiritual senses are heightened, this fear can become a golden opportunity for us to do more good deeds, seek forgiveness, and make the most of our time on this earth.

The fear of death can also remind us of the impermanence of this world and the fleeting nature of our existence. It can be a wake-up call to reduce our sins, to leave behind disobedience, and to strive to be on the path of righteousness. As the Prophet shallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam said,

ﺃَﻛْﺜِﺮُﻭﺍ ﺫِﻛْﺮَ ﻫَﺎﺫِﻡِ ﺍﻟﻠَّﺬَّﺍﺕِ ‏ ﻳَﻌْﻨِﻰ ﺍﻟْﻤَﻮْﺕَ

"Increase in remembrance of the breaker of pleasures, that is, death." (Narrated by Tirmidhi)

Through the lens of this fear, we can see the world in a different light. We can appreciate the beauty of Allah's creation, knowing that our time here is limited. We can be grateful for the blessings that we have, cherishing them as precious gifts from our Creator. And we can use our time, talents, and resources to make a positive impact on the world, leaving behind a legacy that will continue to benefit others long after we're gone.

Sheikh Abdul Aziz bin Baz rahimahullah explained the meaning of the hadith listed previously:

الموت، يعني: اجعلوه على بالكم كثيرًا حتى تعدوا العدّة، والهادم: القاطع؛ لأنَّه يقطع اللَّذات في الدنيا، ولكنه يُدني من لذَّات الآخرة، ويُقرِّب من لذَّات الآخرة،

"The purpose of remembering death is to make it often come to mind in our minds so that we prepare provisions. The meaning of the 'breaker' is to decide the delicacy in this world and bring it closer to the delicacy in the hereafter." (Syarh Bulughul Maram, Book of Al-Janaiz)

In the end, the fear of death is not something to be feared. Rather, it is a reminder of our mortality, a catalyst for change, and a call to action. May we all use this fear to fuel our passion for good deeds, and may Allah grant us the strength to make the most of every moment that we have.

Aamiin ya Rabbal alamin

[yhwhrulz]

Wayside Chapel Daily Devotional 29th August 2024

8/29 Ecclesiastes 2:24-25

24 There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, 25 for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?

This book of wisdom is attributed to Solomon. His main theme is that though he was able to pursue every possible course of pleasure, and found every one was vanity. Several times he tells us that it is the simple pleasures that are a gift from God for everyone (Ecclesiastes 3:13,22; 5:18; 8:15). He calls the other pursuits "chasing after the wind" (Ecclesiastes 1:14; 2:17; 4:4; 6:9). To be satisfied in the simple pleasures of life, as well as being grateful for them, are a gifts from God.

Whatever our calling or occupation, we can find enjoyment in our toil, or we can dwell on disappointments and other longings. Coveting what other people have or do is the sure path to depression. Solomon had the wealth to try anything and everything, but he kept coming back to the same conclusion. Enjoy your work, your food, and the goodness of God.

I have had the opportunity to spend time in rural areas that still practiced an agrarian lifestyle. One thing perplexed me. These simple people who labor from sun up to sundown had such big smiles on their faces. What were they so joyful about? They had learned to find enjoyment in their toil, food, and drink. They saw them as a gift from God. They enjoyed the interactions with their neighbors and helping one another in times of need. They enjoyed the winter season of rest and the company of neighbors and family. Perhaps the high rate of depression in advanced societies comes from forgetting these simple pleasures are gifts from God.

Consider: Whatever your occupation or calling, focus on the joys in it and the provision of your food and drink. Recognize it as a gift from the hand of God. And when your heart begins to wander, remember Solomon already tried it. Don't chase the wind.

[sweetsushii]

Last night was great! I meet some ladies last night and had a great time. We talk and just laugh enjoy the moments of just being free. Different backgrounds, the roller coaster of life, memories of the beautiful love, the discipline, the hard work we had to go thru, dreams of future, the current motion of the present, the fire to our ambition and we all talk.. it felt so natural. Felt so real. Didn’t discuss gossip or drama. And now they will be joining me at the pole dancing class. I’m excited to see where this journey will take me. We didn’t get in til midnight. And doing different locations, I meet some other great people as well. Picking their brains. All night I heard how much they enjoy the conversation. It felt good to just bring up different topics and learn about people who living on this earth as well. With an open mind, beautiful souls and the energy never lies. I really enjoy my self. Thank you god, For all you have challenge me to do. It can be scary but let god lead you. My life has been changing right in front of my eyes. I always day dream not realising that’s my future. I close my eyes and focus on how I feel. How to Let go of fear and lead in the path knowing everything will be okay. Fear won’t get my power and my power does not deserve my fear. Life is so beautiful and precious. I remember I talk to my therapist about the release of people I had experience and told me everything happens for a reason.. what you have learn from those people you would have never learn if they never came into your life and what you experience and you would have never met me.

I’m wonderful made. And I’m grateful for it all.

My gym journey, self love journey, my soft girl era journey, my consistent journey, let go journey has all been an amazing journey and it’s making me become a better person everyday.

I’m a woman who knows what she wants.

How powerful she is. Self made, self sufficient, bold, strong, unique, librated black woman.

I am me. And I’m going to stand on it and say my name loud and clear put some insurance on my name.

I believe in me. I’m everything. With more to come.

[daryljdugdale]

Africa -the hum of healing energy

Life’s curveball needs no explanation and my challenge now is to find a way to rediscover me and be fulfilled . This lead me to attend the Conscious Unity safari retreat hosted by Courtney Ward and Sally Claridge in Africa. I am so grateful to myself for being so brave to embark on such an amazing journey . I have had a holiday. I have experienced close up jungle animals and insects, I have been in the ocean swimming with dolphins. I have had sun on my face and been in a cyclone . I have fallen asleep listening to leaves rustling and the ocean waves. I have engaged in shopping for souvenirs, been out to wonderful bars for food and cocktails. However this is more than a holiday as it was a gentle and safe haven where my emotional healing and health were prioritised alongside my entertainment.

I was drawn to the fact we were going to be hosted by Courtney and Sally. They were offering a real bucket list experience in Africa with a careful planned itinerary developed by their awe inspiring wisdom of the animals and oceans. I knew also they are both experienced healers, musicians, and just fabulous beautiful women. For me both holidaying and healing isn’t something to do by yourself. I wanted to be with others as holidaying without Daryl is now hard and different. There was 11 of us on the retreat and we began as strangers but left as a close-knit, supportive community. We shared our pain, joy, wisdom and fears and then cheered each other for each individual win. I felt I had found my tribe . I felt support, empathy, and strength . We all attended for our own reasons. Two weeks of extreme physical activity was accompanied by guided meditation, mindfulness walking, massage and sound and channeling healing. This acted as gentle anchors bringing us back each day to the present moment. It’s was like pressing a pause button on chaos and allowing the gift of stillness and inner peace.

The great outdoors can heal you in powerful ways, and going on a safari engages the senses and emotions . Nights sleeping in the African jungle and being nurtured with African tales , food and fire is an amazing experience. Being transported to a luxury villa overlooking the Indian ocean and enjoying the sand beneath our feet and falling sleeping listening to the waves is magical . However being caught in a tropical cyclone plus facing fears out on a boat in huge waves awakens the endorphins. To then be rewarded with snorkelling and swimming with dolphins is a dream come true. Nature has been always my silent ally on my path to healing and the connection with the earth in Africa was tremendous. I feel blessed.

This retreat used the whole-person approach and we took care of our mind, body, and spirit as part of the healing process. The wide range of alternative treatments like massages, reflexology, sound medicine , channelling and therapeutic approaches to nutrition and energy combined with the nature meant our well-being was the focus every moment of every day. Healing is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment and I have had time to consider my values, interests, and strengths. I have found my strong core through guided exercises and self-reflection. It’s like turning the pages of my story and I can look forward to new parts where im strong, brave, and have room to grow. I like myself and want to be me not Daryl’s widow. This retreat has given me useful tools for dealing with life. I have learnt lots from animals and others, from the spirit world, from nature and from myself. I am ready to find joy again. I will take better care of myself. I want to form good habits, like being more grateful, more self compassionate and be more open to doing things that make me happy. Ive planted seeds and it’s not the end of my healing journey. This retreat was a portal to self-discovery and recovery.i have experienced healing, personal growth, and the radiant light of renewed hope. Africa I thank you ❤️

[crescendeyes]

I am grateful for

As we enter the month of July-Aug, I felt like I should really analyse what I am thankful for and count my blessings a little.

I know being critical of yourself is embedded in our DNA to humble ourselves from delusion. There is a beauty in delusion - its either things are SUPER DUPER BAD or FINE AND DANDY.

Being extremely fearful avoidant, I find myself constantly confusing people and myself on the decisions that I make. It is a constant push and pull that I struggle with all my life with a lack of awareness of it's existence.

People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style distrust others and withdraw from relationships in order to avoid rejection. This leads people with a fearful-avoidant attachment to avoid the very relationships they crave.

Struggling to manage this part of my life, I managed to fall into the traps of despair every time I make a decision. They were either too reckless or too careful - never anything in between.

So, in order to re-evaluate the quarter of my life, before I turn 30, I won't be a list of things I want to achieve. Instead, I want to count my blessings and start showing gratitude to myself and my life, including the people who made it possible for these little celebrations.

Set boundaries and realise what my dealbreakers are in a relationship.

Let me explain - in the past, I would fight for a relationship and continue to work on it till there was nothing left behind except resentment. MAYBE, just MAYBE, if Aaron and I didn't breakup the first time around and I didn't have to grow up after the string of bad luck in 2022, I could tolerate and continue to work on relationships like I used to. So, being able to set boundaries and be honest with myself what I want to keep vs don't was the biggest step I took to self love and actualisation.

2. Love someone twice

Some might find this very toxic but if you never try, you'll never know. Hence, no. 1.

3. Performed for a huge festival in the second time of my life

Yes, I performed at Peakstorm Festival to open for Joji. While it may not seem like a feat for most musicians and artist, but it was once in a life time opportunity that I will forever be grateful for.

4. Moved out

I finally did it. There is no way I can describe how lucky I feel to get a place that I only dreamt of getting back in 2020 - and it took 3 years to rent this place. Although, rent is expensive and I am looking for opportunities to move to a new place that would be more affordable. 2024 is a time I wanna focus on growing my wealth and saving money.

5. Travelling with Aaron, meeting each others family, a sense of stability....

It is difficult for me to find stability cause I've never known it all my life. But even for that short period of time, visiting his family and travelling to Taiwan & Phuket, I felt like this is it. He is my forever, and his family and friends LOVE me. Unfortunately, no. 1 was the path I decided to take.

6. Dad

Dad is better now and we are planning to travel to Copenhagen and London together as a family.

7. Mum

Mum is open to the idea of counselling and started to see a therapist after hearing me out. In a way, I'm lucky she was even open to it for assistance. I love her.

8. Miso

Miso was with me since 6 June 2023, she has lived with me for 17 days and she will forever be the best emotional support kitty in my life. I have never had a cat with me before so it was an amazing experience. I will miss her so so dearly <3

9. Fixed my relationship with Cel & Cam

10. I'm travelling again

11. I am not chasing relationships anymore

12. I am in a good stable career

13. I have a manager that trust me and doesn't micro manage me - plus, he kinda has a thing for me or something idk.

14. I got a new tattoo this year so yay

15. Aaron is making tiktok videos of me while I am seemingly unbothered by it

16. I now know Hoeden is not my real friends.

17. I am learning how to swim.

18. I attended Harpreet & Nicole's wedding this year.

19. I ACTUALLY became friends with Aaron Chan? Wow. lol. The universe is weird.

20. I have great friends and made more this year.

21. People LOVE my apartment and they often compliment it hehe

22. Renewed my insurance policy because I can afford it bitches.

So there will be more blessings and I can't count but I always do my best to remember them whole heartedly.

If you read it this far, thank you. I hope this brings you peace.

[boydepartment]

WAHHHHHHHH Sorry for worrying you, I'm doing very well, I wrote this message in the afternoon and was about to edit and send it. No transitions today because my ideas are very scattered and chaotic.

Today's writing song is coming of age by mxmtoon. I listened to her and Beach Bunny's music before quarantine, so it always takes me back and you can listen while reading. =)

I hope you have had fun on your road trip. From your pictures of everything, it seems like quite a adventure. As a side note, the outfits on your skzoo are super cute, did you make them yourself?

I spent some time thinking about your advice. I wish I could say that I've completely gotten over it, but progress has been like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, 20 steps left, 50 steps right, jump 20x, get lost, start to cry, 5 steps forward. Everytime I think I've peaked, there's a another layer to work through. It's been really frustrating, but also rewarding. It's a reminder that I have a lot more room to grow and that's okay. Also, it takes so much more energy to be upset with where I am. I think I need to be more conscious of my own achievements and be okay with my own progress.

I'd like to think I'm a pretty introspective person, but I think everyone needs reminders sometimes, so thanks for being that person. I wish I could eat everyone's compliments and have them be a part of me when I can't see the good in myself. I'm trying to be more grateful for the things I do have, so for the next paragraph, you better internalize my compliments and take my burning heart on a stick or else I'll get really mad. >=( (I'm joking of course)

I think your comment about me being a sunshine was one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. I hope to make everyone's day just a little better through these messages, but I think a lot of people can say the same about you. Although you say that you wish to be a little more positive, your advice has been and is very helpful, nonjudgmental, and realistic. Thanks for being such a great listener/reader? I like how your responses are always so reflective and introspective. Also, I can tell that your fics are based on your personal experiences based on your word choice, so I want to say that even if I can't completely understand, I will try my best be a listening ear. I think if we actually met irl, I would be a little less of a nervous wreck, maybe. It's super special the kind of friendship/pen-pal ship? we have, considering that our paths wouldn't have intersected otherwise. I'm glad you exist. <3

Okay, that's enough cheese for one day. I'm already embarrassed to admit that I write anything as sheep anon, so I'm going to crawl under a rock until your response. New messages coming soon, may or may not be as mushy as this one, depends on how I'm feeling, have a nice day everyone and stay safe. <3

-🐑

p.s. If you had a fan club, what would you name your fans? I think we need a name at this point, maybe something related to flowers or buds?

It’s okay sheepie!!! It’s no worries I promise :) I just wanted to make sure you were well ❤️

I absolutely loved mxmtoon and beach bunny. Beach bunny opened up for a punk show I went to a few years ago and it was GENUINELY so fun. Mxmtoon will always have a special place in my heart

My road trip is really well!!! I got to see my boys again and it meant the world to me. I would do anything to see them again and again. And hopefully I’ll be able to!!! As for my little jiniret!!! The red lights outfit was hand made!! His little button up tho that was from Disneyland and the hoodie he came with :) my other Amazon bought SKZOOs do have handmade clothing though :)

Sheepie i promise you that going back and forth is totally normal. The fact that you recognize it and are trying to focus on the positives really show how much you’ve grown I can promise you that. You have accomplished a lot even if it doesn’t seem like it. I’m so immensely proud of you. I will remind you whenever I can of this

I really do wish to be more positive and I try to especially regarding what has happened to me in the past. I will always try to not be judgey because we never know what the other person is struggling with.

My fanfics are definitely based on my mental and own life experiences. Pizza Parlor was a way to heal how I wrote fanfics when I was 14. It was just fun for me and a way to let all my daydreams out

I’m sorry. I’m late. Was always meant to be way more grown up. Just like how I wrote the reader, I’ve always wanted to run away ever since I graduated highschool. Just like the reader she landed herself in a bad relationship with bad people surrounding her to the point of putting herself and anyone who lived with her in danger. Unfortunately writing that was me trying my absolute hardest to cope with that actually happening to me. The only way I felt safe alone at night was getting lost in daydreams where I did run away to a small town. Some JayJay lore here, small TW

I also wrote that fanfic in a way where the two main characters love was unconditional. Of course some things had to added for plot to keep it running and not boring. However, the beginnings of their relationship was always something I’ve wanted. Even after my sophomore year to senior year on and off romantic relationship I never got anything close to that. I DIDNT get that cute romance, I never got gifts that actually were meaningful. I was 16 and naive, I was mentally tortured and physically beat. I’m sorry, I’m late, means so much to me because I could actually write something that I’ve always wanted to experience. It helped me cope with the fact that I’ve never gotten that romantic unconditional love.

My past is what also ties me into who I bias, not to crowbar Hyunjin into here but I really started biasing him because of what’s happened to me in my past. The way he describes love and how it should be eternal and forever really gives me hope that I will get that fairytale ending for myself. It’s why I’ll still be kind to everyone I meet and wear my heart on my sleeve even after the fact.

I think me and you could totally have a nice chat over tea or coffee or whatever your preference is!!!! We could probably go on for hours!!! If you ever want to you know where to find my instagram if you’d ever want to call or anything :) as long as you’re comfortable!! I would never want to pressure you into anything!

I’m very happy our paths crossed sheepie!!! I look forward to your messages!! Stay safe until then sheepie 🤍

-

I think if I had a fan base would be named doves!!! Even though I have a phobia of birds the dove represents the same thing as white roses. And I think the nickname dove is oh so sweet 🤍

-

Ps sheepie

I’m in college rn and every advisor I’ve had has ignore my emails about my major change (I’m taking journalism classes but signed up as a theatre major) do you have any advice? I’m getting a tincy stressed

[ramadhanseries]

தமிழில்...

JUZ 2

LESSONS FROM

SURAH AL-BAQARAH

Whatever you do for Allah SWT, do it with sincerity and at the level of excellence

- A person remembers him the most whom he loves the most. Who do we love the most? Allah SWT or the people? Who do we remember and miss often? [Self-analysis]

If we claim to love Allah SWT but don't talk about Him, think about Him or connect with Him, then our love is not true.

-We're all being tested, who follows the way of Rasoolullah (SA) and who follows his own desires

- When you are with the people who love to argue, do not sit with them, do not engage in arguments with them. Go and do something worthwhile for your akhirah.

- Don't listen to those who have no (authentic) knowledge. Search for people better than you.

- Everything has a focal point. Who is our Focal Point? It should be none other than Allah SWT. We are here to worship Him, to submit to His commands, to seek His pleasure and to return to Him seeking His Countenance.

- Do not fear the people. Only fear Allah SWT. If He is pleased with you nothing can harm you.

- In this life, everyone will disappoint you. Allah SWT is the Only One Who will never disappoint you. So why not only have expectations from Him?

- Race to good deeds; compete in this. Pray all obligatory prayers at their appointed time. Don't delay your Zakat or Hajj. Be gentle, generous and easy going.

- Be grateful for the present (it could have been worse) and be hopeful for the future (calamities are not there forever)

- When people remind you of what you don't have then instead of being sad or angry say: Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilahi Rajeoun

- Those who have a strong connection with Allah SWT are not perturbed by the challenges of this life. If we truly love Allah SWT, we will make an effort to wake up in the night and connect with Him in seclusion like Rasoolullah (SA).

- When you feel lazy about your worship remember your death

- When people leave you, refuse to help you or refuse listen to or understand your viewpoint then say: HasbunAllahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel. He knows the truth and He is Sufficient for you.

- Spend your best in the way of Allah SWT. Your wealth, possessions, skills, time, any other blessing. Don't give your trash or leftover in the way of Allah SWT.

- Evaluate your du'as: How much do you ask for Dunya? How much do you cry over the calamities of the Hereafter?

- When things go against your desires say: Radhitubillahi Rabban (I am pleased with my Lord). Do not focus on what has been lost but on what you have gained. Lost your job but joined a Qur'an class? It's a blessing! Allah SWT has better plans for us, trust Him. Be patient and make good du'as for yourself; for your Dunya and for your Hereafter.

- Shaytan wants us to do three things: evil, immorality and say about Allah SWT what is untrue

- Leave anything that has little benefit but a lot of evil. It is not worth it. Your Hereafter is more important.

- Allah SWT pleased you by providing you food of your choice (a scholar says: imagine if we had to eat rocks), please Him by eating Halal and Tayyab and using that energy to worship Him and strive in His Path.

- Write your Will [Waseeyah], especially if you live in a non- Muslim country or else your property will NOT be distributed according to the shares ordained by Allah SWT in the Qur'an

- When you make du'a "feel" that Allah SWT is near you because He says so in Ayah 2:186

- Take "Sabr" with you when you go for 'Umrah, Hajj, to the masjid or whenever you are meeting people. Don't dispute especially in places where Allah SWT is remembered.

- Allah SWT loves those who are the repentant and purify themselves (2:222)

- Be physically and intellectually fit (2:247). Allah SWT chooses people because of their physical and intellectual strength, not their wealth and possessions.

JUZ 2

பாடங்கள்

சூரா அல்-பகரா

அல்லாஹ்வுக்காக நீங்கள் எதைச் செய்தாலும், அதை நேர்மையுடனும், சிறந்த மட்டத்துடனும் செய்யுங்கள்

- ஒரு நபர் யாரை மிகவும் நேசிக்கிறாரோ அவரை மிகவும் நினைவில் கொள்கிறார். நாம் யாரை அதிகம் நேசிக்கிறோம்? அல்லாஹ் SWT வையா? அல்லது மக்களையா? நாம் யாரை அடிக்கடி நினைவுகூருகிறோம், தவறவிடுகிறோம்? [சுய பகுப்பாய்வு]

நாம் அல்லாஹ்வை நேசிப்பதாகக் கூறினாலும், அவனைப் பற்றி பேசாமல், அவனைப் பற்றி சிந்திக்கவோ அல்லது அவருடன் தொடர்பு கொள்ளவோ ​​இல்லை என்றால், நம் அன்பு உண்மையல்ல.

ரசூலுல்லாஹ் (ஸல்) அவர்களின் வழியைப் பின்பற்றுபவர்கள் மற்றும் அவரது விருப்பங்களைப் பின்பற்றுபவர்கள் அனைவரும் சோதிக்கப்படுகிறோம்.

- நீங்கள் வாதிட விரும்புபவர்களுடன் இருக்கும்போது, ​​அவர்களுடன் உட்காராதீர்கள், அவர்களுடன் வாக்குவாதத்தில் ஈடுபடாதீர்கள். பதிலாக உங்களது அக்கிராவிற்கு பயனுள்ள ஒன்ற���ச் செய்யுங்கள்.

- (உண்மையான) அறிவு இல்லாதவர்கள் சொல்வதைக் கேட்காதீர்கள். உங்களை விட சிறந்தவர்களைத் தேடுங்கள்.

- எல்லாவற்றுக்கும் ஒரு மையப்புள்ளி உண்டு. நமது மையப்புள்ளி யார்? அது அல்லாஹ் SWT தவிர வேறு யாரும் இருக்கக்கூடாது. அவனை வணங்குவதற்கும், அவனுடைய கட்டளைகளுக்கு அடிபணிவதற்கும், அவனுடைய மகிழ்ச்சியைத் தேடுவதற்கும், அவனுடைய முகத்தை நாடி அவரிடம் திரும்புவதற்கும் நாம் இங்கே இருக்கிறோம்.

- மக்களுக்கு பயப்பட வேண்டாம். அல்லாஹ்வை மட்டுமே அஞ்சுங்கள். அவன் உங்கள் மீது பிரியமாக இருந்தால், எதுவும் உங்களுக்கு தீங்கு செய்யாது.

- இந்த வாழ்க்கையில், எல்லோரும் உங்களை ஏமாற்றுவார்கள். அல்லாஹ் SWT மட்டுமே உங்களை ஒருபோதும் ஏமாற்ற மாட்டான். அப்படியானால் அவனிடம் எதிர்பார்ப்புகள் மட்டும் ஏன் இருக்கக்கூடாது?

- நல்ல செயல்களுக்கான இனம் சேருங்கள்; இதில் போட்டியிடுங்கள். அனைத்து கடமையான தொழுகைகளையும் அவர்கள் குறிப்பிட்ட நேரத்தில் தொழுங்கள். உங்கள் ஜகாத் அல்லது ஹஜ்ஜை தாமதப்படுத்தாதீர்கள். மென்மையாகவும், தாராளமாகவும், எளிதாகவும் இருங்கள்.

- நிகழ்காலத்திற்கு நன்றியுடன் இருங்கள் (அது மோசமாக இருந்திருக்கலாம்) மற்றும் எதிர்காலத்திற்கு நம்பிக்கையுடன் இருங்கள் (பேரழிவுகள் என்றென்றும் இல்லை)

- உங்களிடம் இல்லாததை மக்கள் உங்களுக்கு நினைவூட்டும்போது சோகமாகவோ அல்லது கோபமாகவோ இருப்பதற்குப் பதிலாக சொல்லுங்கள்: இன்னா லில்லாஹி வா இன்னா இலைஹி ராஜூன்

- அல்லாஹ் SWT உடன் வலுவான தொடர்பைக் கொண்டவர்கள் இந்த வாழ்க்கையின் சவால்களால் கலங்குவதில்லை. நாம் அல்லாஹ்வை உண்மையாக நேசிப்போமானால், இரவில் விழித்தெழுந்து, ரசூலுல்லாஹ் (SA) போன்று தனிமையில் அவனுடன் இணைவதற்கு முயற்சி செய்வோம்.

- உங்கள் வழிபாட்டில் நீங்கள் சோம்பேறியாக உணரும்போது, ​​உங்கள் மரணத்தை நினைவில் கொள்ளுங்கள்

- மக்கள் உங்களை விட்டுப் பிரிந்தால், உங்களுக்கு உதவ மறுத்தால் அல்லது உங்கள் கருத்தைக் கேட்கவோ புரிந்துகொள்ளவோ ​​மறுத்துவிட்டால் பிறகு சொல்லுங்கள்: ஹஸ்புனல்லாஹு வ நிஅமல் வகீல். அவன் உண்மையை அறிந்தவன், அவன் உங்களுக்குப் போதுமானவன்.

- உங்களால் முடிந்ததை அல்லாஹ்வின் பாதையில் செலவிடுங்கள். உங்கள் செல்வம், உடைமைகள், திறமைகள், நேரம், வேறு ஏதேனும் ஆசீர்வாதம். உங்கள் குப்பைகளையோ அல்லது எஞ்சியவற்றையோ அல்லாஹ்வின் பாதையில் கொடுக்காதீர்கள்.

- உங்கள் துஆக்களை மதிப்பிடுங்கள்: துன்யாவிற்கு நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு கேட்கிறீர்கள்? மறுமையின் பேரழிவுகளை நினைத்து எவ்வளவு அழுகிறீர்கள்?

- உங்கள் விருப்பத்திற்கு எதிராக விஷயங்கள் நடக்கும்போது கூறுங்கள்: ராதிதுபில்லாஹி ரப்ப��ன் (என் இறைவனிடம் நான் மகிழ்ச்சியடைகிறேன்). இழந்தவற்றில் கவனம் செலுத்தாமல், பெற்றவற்றில் கவனம் செலுத்துங்கள். உங்கள் வேலையை இழந்தீர்கள் ஆனால் குர்ஆன் வகுப்பில் சேர்ந்தீர்களா? இது ஒரு வரம்! அல்லாஹ் SWT நமக்காக சிறந்த திட்டங்களை வைத்துள்ளது, அவனை நம்புங்கள். பொறுமையாக இருங்கள் மற்றும் உங்களுக்காக நல்ல துஆக்களை செய்யுங்கள்; உங்கள் துன்யாவிற்காகவும், உங்கள் மறுமைக்காகவும்.

- ஷைத்தான் நாம் மூன்று விஷயங்களைச் செய்ய விரும்புகிறார்: தீமை, ஒழுக்கக்கேடு மற்றும் அல்லாஹ்வைப் பற்றி பொய்யானதைக் கூறுதல்

- சிறிய நன்மை ஆனால் தீமை அதிகம் என்று எதையும் விட்டுவிடுங்கள். அது மதிப்புக்குரியது அல்ல. உங்கள் மறுமை மிகவும் முக்கியமானது.

- உங்களுக்கு விருப்பமான உணவை உங்களுக்கு வழங்குவதன் மூலம் அல்லாஹ் SWT உங்களை மகிழ்வித்துள்ளான் (ஒரு அறிஞர் கூறுகிறார்: நாம் பாறைகளை சாப்பிட வேண்டுமா என்று கற்பனை செய்து பாருங்கள்), ஹலால் மற்றும் தய்யாப் ஆகியவற்றை உண்பதன் மூலம் அவரை தயவு செய்து, அவரை வணங்கி, அவருடைய பாதையில் பாடுபடுங்கள்.

- உங்கள் உயிலை [வஸீயா] எழுதுங்கள், குறிப்பாக நீங்கள் முஸ்லீம் அல்லாத நாட்டில் வசிக்கிறீர்கள் என்றால் அல்லது குர்ஆனில் அல்லாஹ் SWT விதித்துள்ள பங்குகளின்படி உங்கள் சொத்து பகிர்ந்தளிக்கப்படாது.

- ஆயா 2:186 இல் அல்லாஹ் உங்களுக்கு அருகில் இருப்பதாக நீங்கள் துஆ செய்யும் போது

- நீங்கள் உம்ரா, ஹஜ், மஸ்ஜிதுக்கு செல்லும்போது அல்லது மக்களைச் சந்திக்கும் போதெல்லாம் உங்களுடன் "சப்ர்" எடுத்துக் கொள்ளுங்கள். குறிப்பாக அல���லாஹ் SWT நினைவுகூரப்படும் இடங்களில் சர்ச்சை வேண்டாம்.

- வருந்தி தங்களைத் தூய்மைப்படுத்திக் கொள்பவர்களை அல்லாஹ் SWT விரும்புகிறான் (2:222)

- உடல் ரீதியாகவும் அறிவு ரீதியாகவும் பொருத்தமாக இருங்கள் (2:247). அல்லாஹ் SWT மக்களைத் தேர்ந்தெடுப்பது அவர்களின் உடல் மற்றும் அறிவுசார் வலிமையால் தான், அவர்களின் செல்வம் மற்றும் உடைமைகள் அல்ல.

[pooma-islam]

தமிழில்...

JUZ 2

LESSONS FROM

SURAH AL-BAQARAH

Whatever you do for Allah SWT, do it with sincerity and at the level of excellence

- A person remembers him the most whom he loves the most. Who do we love the most? Allah SWT or the people? Who do we remember and miss often? [Self-analysis]

If we claim to love Allah SWT but don't talk about Him, think about Him or connect with Him, then our love is not true.

-We're all being tested, who follows the way of Rasoolullah (SA) and who follows his own desires

- When you are with the people who love to argue, do not sit with them, do not engage in arguments with them. Go and do something worthwhile for your akhirah.

- Don't listen to those who have no (authentic) knowledge. Search for people better than you.

- Everything has a focal point. Who is our Focal Point? It should be none other than Allah SWT. We are here to worship Him, to submit to His commands, to seek His pleasure and to return to Him seeking His Countenance.

- Do not fear the people. Only fear Allah SWT. If He is pleased with you nothing can harm you.

- In this life, everyone will disappoint you. Allah SWT is the Only One Who will never disappoint you. So why not only have expectations from Him?

- Race to good deeds; compete in this. Pray all obligatory prayers at their appointed time. Don't delay your Zakat or Hajj. Be gentle, generous and easy going.

- Be grateful for the present (it could have been worse) and be hopeful for the future (calamities are not there forever)

- When people remind you of what you don't have then instead of being sad or angry say: Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilahi Rajeoun

- Those who have a strong connection with Allah SWT are not perturbed by the challenges of this life. If we truly love Allah SWT, we will make an effort to wake up in the night and connect with Him in seclusion like Rasoolullah (SA).

- When you feel lazy about your worship remember your death

- When people leave you, refuse to help you or refuse listen to or understand your viewpoint then say: HasbunAllahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel. He knows the truth and He is Sufficient for you.

- Spend your best in the way of Allah SWT. Your wealth, possessions, skills, time, any other blessing. Don't give your trash or leftover in the way of Allah SWT.

- Evaluate your du'as: How much do you ask for Dunya? How much do you cry over the calamities of the Hereafter?

- When things go against your desires say: Radhitubillahi Rabban (I am pleased with my Lord). Do not focus on what has been lost but on what you have gained. Lost your job but joined a Qur'an class? It's a blessing! Allah SWT has better plans for us, trust Him. Be patient and make good du'as for yourself; for your Dunya and for your Hereafter.

- Shaytan wants us to do three things: evil, immorality and say about Allah SWT what is untrue

- Leave anything that has little benefit but a lot of evil. It is not worth it. Your Hereafter is more important.

- Allah SWT pleased you by providing you food of your choice (a scholar says: imagine if we had to eat rocks), please Him by eating Halal and Tayyab and using that energy to worship Him and strive in His Path.

- Write your Will [Waseeyah], especially if you live in a non- Muslim country or else your property will NOT be distributed according to the shares ordained by Allah SWT in the Qur'an

- When you make du'a "feel" that Allah SWT is near you because He says so in Ayah 2:186

- Take "Sabr" with you when you go for 'Umrah, Hajj, to the masjid or whenever you are meeting people. Don't dispute especially in places where Allah SWT is remembered.

- Allah SWT loves those who are the repentant and purify themselves (2:222)

- Be physically and intellectually fit (2:247). Allah SWT chooses people because of their physical and intellectual strength, not their wealth and possessions.

JUZ 2

பாடங்கள்

சூரா அல்-பகரா

அல்லாஹ்வுக்காக நீங்கள் எதைச் செய்தாலும், அதை நேர்மையுடனும், சிறந்த மட்டத்துடனும் செய்யுங்கள்

- ஒரு நபர் யாரை மிகவும் நேசிக்கிறாரோ அவரை மிகவும் நினைவில் கொள்கிறார். நாம் யாரை அதிகம் நேசிக்கிறோம்? அல்லாஹ் SWT வையா? அல்லது மக்களையா? நாம் யாரை அடிக்கடி நினைவுகூருகிறோம், தவறவிடுகிறோம்? [சுய பகுப்பாய்வு]

நாம் அல்லாஹ்வை நேசிப்பதாகக் கூறினாலும், அவனைப் பற்றி பேசாமல், அவனைப் பற்றி சிந்திக்கவோ அல்லது அவருடன் தொடர்பு கொள்ளவோ ​​இல்லை என்றால், நம் அன்பு உண்மையல்ல.

ரசூலுல்லாஹ் (ஸல்) அவர்களின் வழியைப் பின்பற்றுபவர்கள் மற்றும் அவரது விருப்பங்களைப் பின்பற்றுபவர்கள் அனைவரும் சோதிக்கப்படுகிறோம்.

- நீங்கள் வாதிட விரும்புபவர்களுடன் இருக்கும்போது, ​​அவர்களுடன் உட்காராதீர்கள், அவர்களுடன் வாக்குவாதத்தில் ஈடுபடாதீர்கள். பதிலாக உங்களது அக்கிராவிற்கு பயனுள்ள ஒன்றைச் செய்யுங்கள்.

- (உண்மையான) அறிவு இல்லாதவர்கள் சொல்வதைக் கேட்காதீர்கள். உங்களை விட சிறந்தவர்களைத் தேடுங்கள்.

- எல்லாவற்றுக்கும் ஒரு மையப்புள்ளி உண்டு. நமது மையப்புள்ளி யார்? அது அல்லாஹ் SWT தவிர வேறு யாரும் இருக்கக்கூடாது. அவனை வணங்குவதற்கும், அவனுடைய கட்டளைகளுக்கு அடிபணிவதற்கும், அவனுடைய மகிழ்ச்சியைத் தேடுவதற்கும், அவனுடைய முகத்தை நாடி அவரிடம் திரும்புவதற்கும் நாம் இங்கே இருக்கிறோம்.

- மக்களுக்கு பயப்பட வேண்டாம். அல்லாஹ்வை மட்டுமே அஞ்சுங்கள். அவன் உங்கள் மீது பிரியமாக இருந்தால், எதுவும் உங்களுக்கு தீங்கு செய்யாது.

- இந்த வாழ்க்கையில், எல்லோரும் உங்களை ஏமாற்றுவார்கள். அல்லாஹ் SWT மட்டுமே உங்களை ஒருபோதும் ஏமாற்ற மாட்டான். அப்படியானால் அவனிடம் எதிர்பார்ப்புகள் மட்டும் ஏன் இருக்கக்கூடாது?

- நல்ல செயல்களுக்கான இனம் சேருங்கள்; இதில் போட்டியிடுங்கள். அனைத்து கட���ையான தொழுகைகளையும் அவர்கள் குறிப்பிட்ட நேரத்தில் தொழுங்கள். உங்கள் ஜகாத் அல்லது ஹஜ்ஜை தாமதப்படுத்தாதீர்கள். மென்மையாகவும், தாராளமாகவும், எளிதாகவும் இருங்கள்.

- நிகழ்காலத்திற்கு நன்றியுடன் இருங்கள் (அது மோசமாக இருந்திருக்கலாம்) மற்றும் எதிர்காலத்திற்கு நம்பிக்கையுடன் இருங்கள் (பேரழிவுகள் என்றென்றும் இல்லை)

- உங்களிடம் இல்லாததை மக்கள் உங்களுக்கு நினைவூட்டும்போது சோகமாகவோ அல்லது கோபமாகவோ இருப்பதற்குப் பதிலாக சொல்லுங்கள்: இன்னா லில்லாஹி வா இன்னா இலைஹி ராஜூன்

- அல்லாஹ் SWT உடன் வலுவான தொடர்பைக் கொண்டவர்கள் இந்த வாழ்க்கையின் சவால்களால் கலங்குவதில்லை. நாம் அல்லாஹ்வை உண்மையாக நேசிப்போமானால், இரவில் விழித்தெழுந்து, ரசூலுல்லாஹ் (SA) போன்று தனிமையில் அவனுடன் இணைவதற்கு முயற்சி செய்வோம்.

- உங்கள் வழிபாட்டில் நீங்கள் சோம்பேறியாக உணரும்போது, ​​உங்கள் மரணத்தை நினைவில் கொள்ளுங்கள்

- மக்கள் உங்களை விட்டுப் பிரிந்தால், உங்களுக்கு உதவ மறுத்தால் அல்லது உங்கள் கருத்தைக் கேட்கவோ புரிந்துகொள்ளவோ ​​மறுத்துவிட்டால் பிறகு சொல்லுங்கள்: ஹஸ்புனல்லாஹு வ நிஅமல் வகீல். அவன் உண்மையை அறிந்தவன், அவன் உங்களுக்குப் போதுமானவன்.

- உங்களால் முடிந்ததை அல்லாஹ்வின் பாதையில் செலவிடுங்கள். உங்கள் செல்வம், உடைமைகள், திறமைகள், நேரம், வேறு ஏதேனும் ஆசீர்வாதம். உங்கள் குப்பைகளையோ அல்லது எஞ்சியவற்றையோ அல்லாஹ்வின் பாதையில் கொடுக்காதீர்கள்.

- உங்கள் துஆக்களை மதிப்பிடுங்கள்: துன்யாவிற்கு நீங்கள் எவ்வளவு கேட்கிறீர்கள்? மறுமையின் பேரழிவுகளை நினைத்து எவ்வளவு அழுகிறீர்கள்?

- உங்கள் விருப்பத்திற்கு எதிராக விஷயங்கள் நடக்கும்போது கூறுங்கள்: ராதிதுபில்லாஹி ரப்பான் (என் இறைவனிடம் நான் மகிழ்ச்சியடைகிறேன்). இழந்தவற்றில் கவனம் செலுத்தாமல், பெற்றவற்றில் கவனம் செலுத்துங்கள். உங்கள் வேலையை இழந்தீர்கள் ஆனால் குர்ஆன் வகுப்பில் சேர்ந்தீர்களா? இது ஒரு வரம்! அல்லாஹ் SWT நமக்காக சிறந்த திட்டங்களை வைத்துள்ளது, அவனை நம்புங்கள். பொறுமையாக இருங்கள் மற்றும் உங்களுக்காக நல்ல துஆக்களை செய்யுங்கள்; உங்கள் துன்யாவிற்காகவும், உங்கள் மறுமைக்காகவும்.

- ஷைத்தான் நாம் மூன்று விஷயங்களைச் செய்ய விரும்புகிறார்: தீமை, ஒழுக்கக்கேடு மற்றும் அல்லாஹ்வைப் பற்றி பொய்யானதைக் கூறுதல்

- சிறிய நன்மை ஆனால் தீமை அதிகம் என்று எதையும் விட்டுவிடுங்கள். அது மதிப்புக்குரியது அல்ல. உங்கள் மறுமை மிகவும் முக்கியமானது.

- உங்களுக்கு விருப்பமான உணவை உங்களுக்கு வழங்குவதன் மூலம் அல்லாஹ் SWT உங்களை மகிழ்வித்துள்ளான் (ஒரு அறிஞர் கூறுகிறார்: நாம் பாறைகளை சாப்பிட வேண்டுமா என்று கற்பனை செய்து பாருங்கள்), ஹலால் மற்றும் தய்யாப் ஆகியவற்றை உண்பதன் மூலம் அவரை தயவு செய்து, அவரை வணங்கி, அவருடைய பாதையில் பாடுபடுங்கள்.

- உங்கள் உயிலை [வஸீயா] எழுதுங்கள், குறிப்பாக நீங்கள் முஸ்லீம் அல்லாத நாட்டில் வசிக்கிறீர்கள் என்றால் அல்லது குர்ஆனில் அல்லாஹ் SWT விதித்துள்ள பங்குகளின்படி உங்கள் சொத்து பகிர்ந்தளிக்கப்படாது.

- ஆயா 2:186 இல் அல்லாஹ் உங்களுக்கு அருகில் இருப்பதாக நீங்கள் துஆ செய்யும் போது

- நீங்கள் உம்ரா, ஹஜ், மஸ்ஜிதுக்கு செல்லும்போது அல்லது மக்களைச் சந்திக்கும் போதெல்லாம் உங்களுடன் "சப்ர்" எடுத்துக் கொள்ளுங்கள். குறிப்பாக அல்லாஹ் SWT நினைவுகூரப்படும் இடங்களில் சர்ச்சை வேண்டாம்.

- வருந்தி தங்களைத் தூய்மைப்படுத்திக் கொள்பவர்களை அல்லாஹ் SWT விரும்புகிறான் (2:222)

- உடல் ரீதியாகவும் அறிவு ரீதியாகவும் பொருத்தமாக இருங்கள் (2:247). அல்லாஹ் SWT மக்களைத் தேர்ந்தெடுப்பது அவர்களின் உடல் மற்றும் அறிவுசார் வலிமையால் தான், அவர்களின் செல்வம் மற்றும் உடைமைகள் அல்ல.

[loveofafangirl]

Unexpected

[Baron Zemo Masterlist] [Marvel Masterlist]

Pairing: Baron Zemo x Fem!Reader/You

Synopsis: Life with Zemo had been going well until you got some unexpected news that you worried would destroy everything. *Angst + Fluff/Comfort*

Rating/Warnings: General; mentions of previous character death

Word Count: ~1,150

Author’s Note: Thank you for all the support and love these past few days. I’ve loved writing Zemo and am so grateful to all of you who have interacted with my posts. I can’t thank you enough.

You look down, overwhelmed with emotion with what you see. You had convinced yourself that you didn’t want this—you didn’t need it—being with him was enough. But now, with your eyes glued to the test in your hands, you want this more than you could have ever imagined. 

Your smile is dulled by the tears silently cascading down your features. You didn't know how to tell him.

He loved you and the life you built together. He loved children. He doted and spoiled every child that had crossed your paths in the time you had been with him; but, he didn't want one of his own.

The loss of his son had broken a part of him that he couldn't move on from. He loved you, and he loved children, but the idea of being a father again wasn't something he could bear. The pain that crossed his face any time the two of you had discussed it was more than you could ever hope to understand. He had suffered the most significant loss a person could—the loss of a child. The world is too dangerous, he would say. You understood what he meant and the concerns he had. 

For days you try and fail to work up the courage to tell him. Every time you got close, you found an excuse to keep your secret. As long as he didn't know, you could still be happy. As long as he didn't know, you wouldn't cause him any undue pain.

One day, it becomes too much. The feelings you had attempted to bottle up reach their pressure point. Tears begin streaming, and you can't stop them. 

"I'm sorry." The words barely slip from your lips as you run off to the bedroom, hoping he won't follow you, even though you know better than that. You bury your face in the pillow as you try to muffle your cries.

"Y/N?" The bed shifts as he takes a seat beside you. He tenderly strokes your back, whispering softly to you.

His gentle, worried touch pushes you over. Sobbing, your body shakes uncontrollably. 

"Liebling, come." He gently lifts your head. His loving eyes fill with concern as he guides you into his arms. 

You want to resist because you know what you have to do, but you don't have the strength to fight it. You fall into his chest, hiding your tears. The safety of his arms around you gives you a flicker of confidence as you work up the nerve to say what you've been avoiding for the past week.

"Whatever this is, we will get through it," he offers, stroking your hair.

 You shake your head. "I don't know how it happened. We had been so careful." Your words are choppy through your sobs. 

"Tell me what has you this troubled." His warm hands rub your back. "There is nothing you must fear with me. You know the worst of who I was, and you chose to see the good. No matter what has happened, it changes nothing. I love you." 

You pull back enough to meet his gaze. "I'm pregnant." Your confession breaks in your raw throat. You wince, trying again. "I'm pregnant, Helm." 

You feel his body grow rigid at your words. His arms fall away from you, leaving you with only your fears. Your hands instinctively cradle your stomach, holding on to the part of him you have left. 

His normally warm brown eyes are distant, his face unreadable with conflicting emotions. 

The two of you sit in silence for what feels like an eternity until you can't take it another second. "Please! Say something," you plead. "Anything."

Your voice pulls him back. "Is this true? Are you certain?"

You nod, tears falling quietly. "I had my doctor verify the results," you answer weakly. 

His eyes close as he nods in understanding. 

"I don't want to lose the baby," you admit with as much strength as you can muster. "I know I said I didn't need this, but now that it's here, I want this. I want this for us."

His hand reaches for yours as his eyes open once more. There was still pain, but there was something new there, too—a flicker of light.

Neither of you has words to articulate the depth of all the emotions flooding through you. 

He leans forward, resting his forehead on yours. His free hand brushes away the tears, although new ones replace them almost immediately. He kisses you sweetly. His thumb caresses your cheek as he keeps you close.

You lean into his touch, needing to hear him say that it was going to be okay.

Instead of the words you were waiting to hear, he slides to his knees, his face parallel with your yet unchanged stomach. He gently lifts your top and peppers your skin with the softest kisses you could imagine.

You hear his quiet cries and know how much conflict there is in him. He leans against you and whispers a silent prayer. You can't hear the words but understand the sentiment.

Your fingers weave through his hair, hoping to bring him some comfort. You weren't even a parent yet, and the thought of losing your child was too much to imagine. You know you could never understand the weight of his loss and how terrifying the thought of suffering that loss a second time must be.

His head rests in your lap as he holds your hand, letting the unexpected news sink in.

Your own tears quiet to a trickle as your focus shifts from your worries to him.

"I feared this moment," he begins, looking up at you. His eyes are swollen with tears of his own. "I did not think I could stand the idea of being a father again." You tense as his voice wavers, but he continues. "This news—" He nods willing himself to continue. "I love you, y/n. And our child will know nothing but love."

You inhale deeply, letting your worries fade at his words. The stress in your body evaporates, and you feel you can breathe for the first time in days.

His eyes glisten with tears, but for the first time, you see the joy behind them.

You sniffle back your tears. "I love you, too."

He envelops you into his arms, keeping you safe as the two of you let your newfound joy wash over you.

The future may be uncertain, but as long as you had each other, you knew you would get through it. There was nothing either of you wouldn't do to protect your child. Neither of you could have anticipated how much healing and love that child would bring to your life or how this unexpected news could bring you closer than before.

Perma(til the end of the line): @the-soot-sprite​​; @fandomxreaders

Zemo tags: @montypythonsholysnail​​ ; @killsandthrills​​ ; @noavengers​​ ; ​

Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed from my tag list. I truly appreciate your support!