#it's been something like 25 years
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#bangel#bangeledit#buffy summers#angel#btvs#btvsedit#dailybtvs#buffysource#filmtv#LISTEN#it's been something like 25 years#and i'm still seething at xander not telling buffy about willow doing the curse#the fact that he had the audacity to stand there 5 years later and act as if she doesn't know what it's like#okay enough ranting#back to crying over these two#SHE LOVED HIM MORE THAN SHE WILL EVER LOVE ANYTHING IN THIS LIFE#oof they're on another level altogether#everything else is subpar#and it's canon
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someone over the age of 30 tell me it’s gonna be ok
#im turning thirty at the beginning of next year and trying not to have a meltdown about it 😭#I’ve actually been having one continuous meltdown about it since I turned 25#WHY IS IT SO SCARY!! WHY AM I LIKE THIS!#being 30 is literally such a normal thing to be 😭#and I keep thinking I’ve gotten over it (I have done a lot of mental preparation this year) but then I still get overcome by Panic!!!#and my birthday isn’t even for months#help👯♀️ sos😍#who in my fandoms is over 30 🥺🥺 guys hold my hand I’m being a baby about being old#as usual#i was supposed to have my life figured out by now but I have even less figured out than I did when I was like 22 I think .#how did I go BACKWARDS#I want to be a good example for the 20-somethings and tell them it’s all fine but I’m always freaking out so .#gonna need the 30-somethings to step in and be a good example for ME#I am soon to be one of you so if you would be so kind as to extend a gracious welcome and ignore my sobbing. thank u#wise beautiful powerful 30-somethings. thank you#mine
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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A new sculpture! Finally... I feel like I never sculpt anymore since I'm always sick or have some 500 other things going on or projects to finish, but I'm trying to schedule time to do it more often this year hopefully..! Just a generic fantasy creature as usual, but did try making the eyes a little more sparkly this time.. hrmm..
#sculpture#fantasy art#fantasy creature#art#elf#lol what are the tags I should use... I still never know.. EVIL social media.. hate the idea of tagging anything ever anyway. but alas..#I also would ideally like to start selling them again and open up custom commmissions and stuff again once I can hopefully get paypal#stuff sorted out. and find like.. a good way to do things.. etc.. I did still want to sell them through auction instead of agonizing#over setting prices being afraid they're either too high or too low. So being able to just be like. Here. this is $50. or more. or less.#negotiate. the worth is whatever you feel like it is so i personally dont have to make that decision. etc. lol... But etsy doesn't let you#do auctions or like pay what you want type stuff so.. then I was thinking ebay? but idk.. ANYWAY.. I want to set things#up so I can sell stuff again hopefully. I still haven't fully recovered from the costs of when I had to take my cat to the vet and put#them down last year and etc. So it'd be good to sell a few things. perhaps.. maychance... perhamble... so on and so forthe... ANYWAY#I was going for whiter more milky sort of hair that blends in closely with the skintone but after the paint dried it seems more yellowy kin#of. which is fine. But just not exacltly like my mind vision lol..#Also it's like... wow... someone with face spots and elf ears and a half open mouth with a gap tooth and wavy hair and kind of downturned#eyes... revolutionary... never been seen before... every sculpture I have ever made surely doesnt look licherally exactly like this... LOL#but maybe it's just a style. so what. People have their motifs lol.. Im just getting back into sculpting. I shall sameface in peace. huzzah#Just like the only thing I ever carve out of avocado pits anymore is eyes. Because that's just whats fun to do. I'm going to accumulate lik#25 similar avocado eyes and have nothing to do with them. I was thinking of stringing some together into a necklace of eyes or something li#like that but.. hrmm... ANYWAY.. Love to do the same things repetitively. :3c
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Is this a safe space to say I liked the bnha epilogue and didn't see anything wrong with it? 🧍🏻♂️it was just a fun little bonus chapter I honestly don't know why people are upset about it
Anyway I love Shouto and I hope he enjoys his bowl and chopstick making classes
#i don't care about ships at all so i don't care what's canon and what's not#i'm very neutral towards izuchaco but then having a crush on each other has been a thing since the beginning#so the status quo didn't change#and some are saying that izuku rejecting bakugo's offer to join his agency is ooc#but i don't think it is at all#izuku's goal was to be a hero and he reached it#also he's literally 25 years old now why would he still want to compete with bakugo for the rest of his life#it was always bakugo whonwas obsessed with competing with him#they still get to work together as heroes which is so special#and izuku found fulfillment as a hero and teacher#i think it's beautiful#my biggest complaint about the ending of mha is how the villains were handled but that has nothing to do with this chapter#it was literally just a fun lighthearted bonus chapter of them all as adults it's mot that serious#idk maybe it's a big deal for people that care about ships but i just do not#and while i would have rathered there be no indications of any relationships#i think the way izuku and ochaco was handled was pretty chill#it just ended with them agreeing that they'd like to talk to get closer and do something for themselves for once#while i won't deny that it was def supposed to be romantic#it leaves it very open ended that if you don't like them together you can just easily headcanon that they try it out then amicably break up#after realizing that they don't work#and you can always headcanon that izuku eventually joins bakugo's agency or whatever#it was a very flexible ending and you can write whatever fanfiction you want with it#at least it didn't end with them married with kids which i would actually really dislike#bnha#my posts#bnha spoilers
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I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol
#sculpture#ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything#into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol#items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on#anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom.#fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig.#I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft#WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet#but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm#but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets#at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal..#anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe#The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside#that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue#and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them.#It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell#the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm#I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition#OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting#tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol
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I have a made a decision that I am done with DL men. I am not condemning other gay/queer men who love/entertain DL men trust me i get it, do you that is fine just as long as you are safe and content with your actions and the actions of the DL man in question BUT FOR ME, at my 32 big ass age, it's not cute anymore. Growing up dealing with a boy who is not out or DL was exciting it was fun to have your own little secret, to feel important that this man was willing to be with you in the dark, sometimes without his girlfriend (or in extreme cases) Wife knowing. ALL gay boys have been through this it's like a rite of passage at this point sadly. But I don't wanna be in the dark anymore i dont want to be loved on and sexed up in the dark. I wanna deal with men who have no problem being in the Light where everyone can see us, who knows who he is and isn't afraid to be that fully without fear.
#the drama the stress that comes with dl men is not it#and nothing has happened recently that made me come to this decision ive just been thinking#if i want a bf how is that going to happen when i keep allowing men inside of me who will NEVER EVER#be with me in that regard or see me as just something to fuck when he gets his little gay 'urge'#i remember one guy i dealt with who was DL in 2018#he would randomly hit me up and just angrily accuse me of telling someone we hook up#when i hadn't#hed go 'i know you told someone i know you did i know it!'#and i would get worried and a little scared because like....what do you mean#and sometimes after we had sex he would be IN MY BED and say#i really dont like doing this this is nasty....when HE would hit ME up to link#and i would just act like that pang in my stomach wasnt because he just said that#25 year old me deserves this move from 32 year old me
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straight up not respecting some of the alleged p2 characters' ages as they were given on the VA's papers bc you're telling me this is a 27yo man on the left & a 35(!)yo woman on the right? you jest. this woman is in her 20s at most. she doesn't have a wrinkle of age on her face. just worry. i know men age like milk this is taking the piss. i know patho 2 is the "hot blemishless 20something white(-passing) women" game but at this point own it. don't try lying to me. she doesn't look a day past 29. got friends below 25 with more winkles. in the first half of the 20th century too. where would she be getting her anti-aging serums.
you're telling me this woman who's a chronic worrier, dealing with chronic pain, who smokes like a locomotive to cope is allegedly 5 years Older than this guy who's been drinking himself to sleep for like 5 years.
(mike's mic voice) don't piss me off
#alledged(?) VA papers? would love to have a peep. might go wander VK if i can make the trek#sorry for getting heated over p2 yulia again. it's no secret i vastly prefer her design in p1#but this is aggravating. chrewly.#i know why that is. i knooooowwww why that is. it's because people in the team (coughs) (coughs) & in Media in general cannaeeeeee stand to#create women who actually look over 25. even women who are supposed to be older.#which while a media Trope/problem across media and genre it's not helped with a certain writer's. hmmm. alleged proclivities.#i would respect her being 35 if you have her to me looking 35. her skin is as smooth as 10 yrs younger Lara with one (1) slit#between the brows that just seems to come from her being a thinker & a worrier. nuh-uh!#ah hell naw!!!#i'm profoundly a p1 ages truther except for most of the kids + rubin. i know men age like milk but that guy is Not 23.#also p2 27yo daniil vs 30yo twins They Have Naht met at first year uni with that timeline. & it is important for me that they do.#most of the kids being averaged to ~15 real to me though. we all been here.#neigh (blabbers)#some of the ages on it make no sense [not just yulia but also like. aspity. who looks like a 20something & is actually ageless/5yo]#& while i can guess it's for like The Vibes / voice acting direction i assume it would make more sense to give the actual age & then add#like context to why they would sound older because that's something you might(?) need to know... would really want to see that with my eyes
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The way you draw deltarune characters is so charming! Have you ever drawn King?
like twice lol
#ask#okayrigamarole#thats a fun username#i am a little bit of a king hater </3 dont like the way he treated lancer#although hes one of the backbones of why i like queenkaard so much because he doesn't seem to have been very good to any of them#i mean i think he and queen were mutually not good for each other at least dhjbsbdhfj#there's something about 3 people who have all been hurt by the same one dude coming together as a family thats sweet to me#also haha your exes are kissing#very interested to see where his character development goes. idk what the ending of this game is going to look like but i want to believe#that if you recruit all the darkners he might have a change of heart by the last chapter and become a better person#'ah i thought lightners were selfish but you're not so bad so maybe i was wrong' etc etc#meanwhile if you dont recruit everyone he stays a lil bitch dhjbbdjhsf#tldr I Dislike Him Respectfully and i dont really draw him cuz of that#ive drawn him a couple more times but just in sillie little doodles i never posted. i feel like i had a small comic somewhere i never finis#finished that he was slightly featured in. cant remember. i have like 25+ deltarune sketchdump files over these 3 years
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been rereading idw to my baby sister and gotta say im a big fan of how direct this is
#true they dont exactly shake on it there but that wasnt mecha's fault. he was Going to if they hadnt been interrupted#this is also why mecha is the better sonicbot btw#go dude!!! reinvent yourself!! live your life on your own decisions!!!#i get metals commitment--or perhaps struggle? obsession?-- with being Like That#is a big part of why so many people like him so much#[and yknow also the simple fact that hes Existed in the series at all the past 25 years]#but that sort of character tension has never appealed to me particularly deeply.#also like..........i see ppl talking abt a reformed or even just less Like That metal and im like..... i dont know......#he's like that on purpose! reformation or thinking outside his usual focus is not his interest or narrative role!!!#mecha has ALWAYS been better suited for this kind of thing!!! yes even from his single appearance in sonic 3!!#mecha has always been a free-thinker!! if you want something like this you want mecha sonic!!!#bweeeaaahh#sonicposting#this is also why i dislike neo metal btw. everything neo does feels like its so against metal's established role#and it would have been the perfect sort of shit for mecha to have been up to. or hell even some other new temp sonicbot. alas
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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2 memories i feel like sharing, & some backstory context: so my ass has been spayed, and healthy people take 6-8 weeks to fully recover from getting spayed. i, chronically ill, took longer. as with any abdominal surgery, they told me "no lifting over 10lb u could tear ur stitches." and for reference, my cats are 12 lb wonders.
so im chilling in bed. ~4 weeks after surgery. and my mother starts SCREAMING my name. like "OH MY GOD BORB COME IN HERE NOW QUICK QUICK HURRY OH GOD." so i do, albeit slowly because, you know, still recovering from major surgery. she's freaking out about one of my cats, who looks entirely normal. oh but he ~suddenly stopped~ and ~twisted his body~ i don't know if he's going to be ok. one mother panic attack and one emergency vet visit later (with my mother's help bc i couldn't lift my cat due to lifting restrictions) : he had flea dirt on his hind legs. he was twisting around to lick around his arse. cool 👍 (ofc my mother, on the ride back from the vet, tried to tell me NOT to give the kids flea meds, she doesn't know what kind of ~health ramifications~ flea meds can have if *gasp* the kids don't actually have fleas)
around the same time period, i get woken up by my mother screaming "HELP HELP HELP!!" the first day it happens, she stops within ~15 seconds, and i hear my parents talking before i fall back asleep. find out later the mechanism for moving the window panels up & down in the bathroom broke, so the top panel had trapped her fingers a la guillotine style. my parents joke "well borb if you hear your mother screaming... her fingers are probably trapped 😂." can you guess what happens next. my father was gone the next day, and guess who got her fingers trapped AGAIN by the bathroom window. so i get woken up by her screaming, and i have to help dislodge the window around her bare naked ass. and sure, i have sympathy because i bet it was really painful. but like. are you fucking stupid. my father had to literally childproof the window by installing a screw so the guillotine panel would catch against the other panel so fingers wouldn't get trapped. just so my mother wouldn't get her fingers trapped again. we all knew that if it wasn't there, she would 1000% get her fingers trapped again. but *im* supposedly the incompetent fuck up that NEEDS to be told exactly what to do just in case i, idk, have an independent thought.
#borbtalks#this isn't even including when the plumbing broke and my parents went 'oh a plumber is expensive :( let's just go w/o toilets for awhile'#and after abdominal surgery + narcotics for said surgery. they have you taking a lot of laxatives regularly.#bc straining could pop a stitch.#my parents knew this. my parents knew that physically BECAUSE OF SURGERY & MEDS. that i couldn't just. hold it.#or when my mother pounded on my door at 8am yelling 'BORB I THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG. . . OK NEVERMIND'#turns out the princess felt faint for a moment. so of course she sprinted to my door instead of. idk. lying down for a moment?#or the time the plumbing got backed up and everyone confronted me and i had to tell them i hadn't had a BM in over 48 hours to clear my name#bc they were all blaming me. what actually happened? right after i left the bathroom my mother came in and flushed 5 wet wipes 😒#AND NO ONE BATTED AN EYE#when borb might've backed up the plumbing: oh HOW DARE HE. he's an EMBARRASSMENT. what a DISGUSTING FREAK#when my mother actually backed up the plumbing: oh okie mistakes happen ^_^#god. i share two memories and it's like woagh here's 5 more related memories.#fucking. pattern of behavior. 'oh it was just one time can't u forgive mom' NO IT'S BEEN 25 YEARS OF THIS SHIT
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#it's been literally 7 years since my last post#so an old meme is only fitting#my life has again spiraled to the point of me rediscovering this torturous game#i'm sure there will only be like 2 people who will ever see this#1 of them being me#not only do few people still use tumblr#but even fewer are still active fans of mm#i can't imagine i have any active followers...#but i figured i should say something before i start up again#to commemorate my fall from grace back into the rabbithole#it's also seemingly impossible to find the content i want with tumblr's new search system#maybe it's old by now but it's new to me#looks like i have tons of old posts in my drafts tho so maybe i'll post some of those later#i should probably change my theme and icon but i'm too lazy for that rn#if this post does happen to grace another's eyes#feel free to unfollow#i understand not wanting unhinged nostalgia cluttering your dashboard#personal#ALSO#i was absolutely delighted to find out they not only created a v route#but one for saeran too#i am now too old for the latter#but i'm pretending he's at least 25 so i can play his route and not feel like the biggest creep on the planet#wild to think the eldest characters would now be 35...
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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me when I used to write a whole one shot in an hour vs me now struggling to write one proper sentence
didn’t feel the age hitting hard until now
#when your legs don’t work like they used to before#who knew the change could be this drastic?#I feel like I’ve aged 10 years since then#oh I wish to have my youth back#my inspiration and fire#my unstoppable hands#never ending ideas#pretty much 20 me vs 25 me#yeah now I feel old#you probably think skipps it’s only been a few years#I KID YOU NOT SOMETHING HAS CHANGED#doing my best to answer requests#I’m so sorry guys I hope you guys forgive me for my slowness#THE STRUGGLE#skipps rambles
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