#it's been ages since I was in a mall lmao

[heartmeadows]

WIP mall for Oasis Flats

[determunition]

that's right. retyrement scrybeswap

i've talked about these at length on discord but have yet to show the full extent of my brainrot to the world haha; special thanks to @randyvouz for helping me design some of these guys!

for those of you who don't Go Here these are some elderly humanizations of these inscryption scrybeswap designs i did! details on these guys below the cut bc as always i've come up with way too much lore for them lmao

magicks poe is a bill nye/ms frizzle type edutainment host, and tech magnificus is a retired radio host who's since started teaching digital art in his old age; they met when they were much younger, when mag had poe on as a guest on his radio show, and have been married for some time

beasts poe is a retired wilderness ranger! he lost his eye in a forest fire incident, and still goes on hikes sometimes in his off-road wheelchair; death magnificus is a retired graveyard groundskeeper who does ink-based fine arts in his spare time. they were vaguely aware of each other in their middle years, and now live together in a queerplatonic partnership where they foster cats in their spare time

death poe is a mall night guard who really should have retired by now, but does his job better than anyone else; like death p03 he's really a nice guy under his spooky face mask. beasts mag is a local artist and ren faire performer; merely a shopper at poe's mall, and if the two of them have anything together in their futures it remains to be seen

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 24 thoughts

here we are. the s3 finale. i am so excited!!! and after such a fantastic last episode, my expectations are high. also, having now seen 3 season finales, i have the sneaking suspicion that this one will also be a cliffhanger, which will get on my nerves a bit i’m sure as i get all my s3 stuff around before beginning s4, but again i extend my retroactive sympathies to the people who had to wait like a year to actually see what happened next back when it was airing. 

(author's note: since this one involved a lot of shape shifting, writing a play-by-play description of what was going on was quite tricky. just know i did my best and hopefully that is what matters <3)

this episode description makes it sounds like i’m gonna cry from some mulder family angst. i am preparing myself mentally. 

we shall begin.

we open at a food court sort of situation, which makes me once again mourn the fact that i missed the golden age of malls, as i would have devoured that. oh, it actually seems to just be a restaurant. well, my own wishful thinking, i suppose.

this man is very upset and making others uncomfortable with his loud yelling slash crying. so he pulls out a gun which makes people even more uncomfortable. he says the kids can leave but everyone else has to stay which seems like it will make things much worse for those kids?? but i digress.

a second man emerges from the back, asking the fellow with the gun to please not shoot. this second man is in a suit and tie, and has a very calming presence. to me, he shall be calming man. calming man talks him out of shooting, and i’m thinking yes!! what a save!!!

... until the gunman sees the police arrive, and then he DOES start shooting into the crowed. this is so sad to see happening. shooter has a bullet wound to the chest from the snipers outside sent to stop him, but calming man says he is not going to die, and heals him by placing his hand on him????

WOAH….. calming man….. you have powers…… get him in a hospital STAT, we need him to lay hands on a LOT of people... like a priest with a 100% success rate

mulder and scully are rolling up to the scene. scully is baffled because there is no one that needs medical attention, despite hearing that a bunch of people got shot!!

so she talks to one of the guys that was shot, and he only has a little hole in his shirt, which she simply lifts up and looks under. and i was laughing because she was in Doctor Mode but it is lowkey weird as hell to just lift some dude’s shirt up and analyze his tummy LMAO. oh she is so endearing to me. this man explains that even though he was shot, calming man touched him and said everything would be okay, and it was! that's suspicious. that's weird.

mulder is peeking his head into the car where the shooter is being held (typical mulder activities, peeking his head into places and whatnot) then he gets right in there with him. the shooter’s name is mr. muntz, and mulder wants to know what happened. mulder has some messy hair going on, but he is speaking very calmly and professionally... that oxford psych degree is showing!

mr. muntz says god spared his life, assuming that calming man must have been sent by god OR is god himself. which i suppose is a logical conclusion to draw.

somehow, calming man just DISAPPEARED from the scene. which is not what you want a guy to do in such a situation!!! unless, perhaps, he has fled to do some more miracle working, in which case i hope he teleports far and wide.

cutscene to rhode island. this lady is approaching a house, which is filled with plastic covering all of the furniture.

(author's note: i literally had no idea that "this lady" was mrs. mulder. and honestly given how much attention i pay to all the details- from the exact episode mulder mentioned jimi hendrix that one time to knowing scully did her residency in forensic medicine- i have no excuse for this. it is deeply humbling to realize the limits of my memory, which so often i think is close to fool-proof. i apologize to mrs. mulder but i, for some reason, thought she had brown hair. please accept my heartfelt apology, mrs. mulder. i have only seen you briefly before, which is a reason, but not an excuse for such a careless mistake)

she walks in, and sees a door is open to the outside. so she (author's note: mrs. mulder) follows along, and who does she see but CANCER MAN??? he remarks that everything changes but the sea. well the sea is constantly changing so take that, cancer man.

this woman (MRS. MULDER, god i'm cringing at my past self) wants to know what exactly he wants from her, and he says “we used to have so much to say to each other” ???? “SO MANY GOOD TIMES AT THE MULDERS’ SUMMER PLACE” HUH???

he makes a jab about how bill wasn’t as good at water skiing as he was, but that could be said about so many thing, couldn’t it? and WHERE DOES THIS DUDE GET OFF? 

(this is funny because cancer man lowkey sucks at his job and i won't let him forget that. like at the big UN council meeting everyone was pissed at him for losing the tape and trying to kill skinner and being generally just Fucking Bad at his work, so for him to say all this is quite comical)

the woman says she has repressed it all and i don’t blame her because i would also want to repress any moments with this man, but he says he came her to make her remember something. they’re fighting as a camera takes pictures. WHO IS TAKING PICTURES OF THIS?

okay, back to the virginia crime scene with our agents. calming man has given his name as “jeremiah smith”, but left a fake P.O. box and has no driver’s license. suspicious!!!!

mulder gets a call from skinner- one that “might cause him some alarm”. it’s his mother!!! she has been admitted to the hospital in rhode island, in serious condition!!! skinner stumbles on the pronunciation of the town she's in, but clearly it means something to mulder, because he knows where she is!! he says he is on his way

next thing we see is him bursting in into the room, with scully waiting behind him. something so lovely about scully coming along to be with him at such a terrible moment.

OMG IT’S HIS MOM….. why did i forget what his mom looked like?? am i actually the worst at this?? (<- the moment i Realized)

he grabs her hand and puts his hand on her forehead (i’m going to cry) and scully comes in and explains that she had a stroke. he notices that she is cold and puts another blanket over her (oh my gosh... such an attentive and caring son) and scully tries to reassure him not to think the worst, that people recover from these situations all of the time. i paused to write this down and he has this big sad eyes and i’m gonna CRY. he’s touching her hair and whispering “mom” and AUGHHHH. his only remaining family member...

apparently a 911 call came in… i guess that it was probably cancer man who called. and who probably did this somehow.

OH! she opens her eyes! he smiles at her and tells her everything is going to be okay. ohhh, sweet man...

scully realizes mrs. mulder wants something to write on, and busts out a pen and paper because she is always prepared!!!! and i love that about her!!!

so mrs. mulder writes on the paper “PALM”, which he looks at and repeats, but it’s not clear if he gets what that means or not. here i am thinking that it means some sort of treasure will be hidden beneath a palm tree

he’s watching her being taken away to another hospital as scully looks at some paperwork to figure out what exactly happened to her. and she uses her doctoral skills to tell him that they are optimistic on her recovery. it’s so sweet 😭😭😭 she does everything she can to ease his worries. i love her!!!!!!

but mulder thinks there is a correlation between what went down at the shooting in virginia and here- because she wrote the word “palm”, which is what calming man used to heal the victims of the gunman. and that seems like a stretch to me and to scully, but a grieving mind works in intricate ways, and we already know that mulder has the most intricate of minds, so maybe he's onto something.

he senses that it’s a bit of a leap, and she tries to very gently explain that it might not mean anything, that her brain has been radically changed. she says she is gonna drive him to the nearest motel (😭😭😭) and he says no, we’re going to DC and finding out who this calming man "jeremiah smith" is. omg buddy let her book you a motel and get some rest... but no, for he has entered his bloodhound mode, and there is no stopping him in such a situation

so now it’s 8:25 am the next day, and they are watching some tapes from the news footage while she sits on his desk. and sure enough, they find the guy on the newsreel- calming man jeremiah smith- and they even see that he vanished! it seems like someone else took his place, wearing the same clothes??? now how would that work….

mulder decides he must leave, and where to? “if i told you, you’d never let me go” <- okay well at least he’s sort of honest? scully reminds him he hasn’t slept in 24 hours, but he goes on anyway, telling her to give him a call if she finds anything on the tapes. a sigh from scully as she wonders what the hell he is up to.

now we’re at the social security administration, which is frankly pretty dystopian- so very aggressively white, with spaced out desks, giving extreme retro futurism in that special 90's kind of way. but here is the calming man at a desk, as tons of people in suits and with microphones come in! calming man jeremiah smith walks out the back door and is snagged… under the watchful eye of CANCER MAN??????

seriously, what does this dude even DO beyond be mysterious and nosy?!!!

so they put calming man jeremiah smith in a full body restraint and bring him into some sort of jail cell???? i just KNOW he was not read his rights, too...

mulder, meanwhile, has driven all the way BACK to rhode island, to the house covered in plastic. it is very quiet and dark. he makes his way outside, where we see someone watching him. it’s X!!!!!

X opens the door and tells mulder that cancer man was HERE WITH HER. IT WAS ON HIS ORDERS THE PHOTOS OF THEM FIGHTING WERE TAKEN!!! or maybe it was him hiding in the bushes snapping the pics?? that option is funnier to imagine, so i shall.

X is shocked that mulder didn’t know his mother and cancer man knew each other, but he very seriously says that he has no idea. and X clarifies that he didn’t hurt her, she collapsed AFTER he left- it was X that made the phone call to 911!

ah, that makes more sense than cancer man doing the calling, as i had suspected. although, clearly cancer man WANTS something from her, so maybe he would want to save her life. but then i had assumed he was the one who somehow made her have a stroke- but if he wanted something from her, nearly killing her would make that hard, right? unless he just comes close enough in killing her to scare her... hmm, i'm theorizing, and it feels like some sort of sick chess game.

OH! it seems cancer man wants something in this house. and mulder is surprised because on the day his parents divorced, she promised to never set foot here again. in the "SUMMER HOUSE"- yes, that was the wording he used. bro... how much money were they paying his dad to mess with aliens for them to live in martha’s vineyard AND have a summer house? 😭😭 that was blood money they were paying him fr and it must have been a hell of a paycheck. i have student loans, maybe i should get into the alien secrets business.

so whatever is here has to be important. but mulder tells X he has no idea what it is. xXseems to be hiding something, but maybe that is just his face.

back at the FBI, scully is heading out- or possibly heading back into work? as she does this, “jeremiah smith” arrives! she is very taken aback but jumps into work immediately. he says he is here to turn himself in, because it was claimed he fled a crime scene.

SO WAS THAT NOT HIM IN THE FULL BODY RESTRAINT?? or are we dealing with teleportation here? i mean we have healing already, teleportation isn’t much of a jump i suppose. 

(i was so damn confused lol)

now we are with calming man jeremiah smith in skinner’s office, where he claims that everything seemed like a dream from the moment he told the man to put his gun down forward. he claims he doesn’t remember anything, not even giving a false address. he only remembers showing up for work the next day. so... was his body like possessed or something?

he’s like “what did i do wrong :(“ and scully says he didn’t do anything wrong!!!!! skinner says that he can go, but to let them know if he leaves town. she shrugs her shoulders at skinner, not knowing what happened. scully is so kind...

back to rhode island, where mulder has a flashlight. the house is covered with children’s artwork and whimsical chickens. he’s looking through all of the stuff for anything of interest. it’s a fascinating walk through of how they must have lived, with her sewing kits tucked in drawers and toys in boxes. something about seeing their childhood makes my heart want to melt. poor kids, they had no idea what was to come...

he’s getting angry at not finding anything of use, tossing things around, before sitting on the now non-plastic covered couch, when he pulls her note out- and realizes that “palm” is an anagram for “lamp”! is this a clue??? must we inspect the lamps??? of which there are many???

yes, we must. he’s throwing this first one into the wall like link when he sees a pot that might have a rupee in it. but it doesn’t seem to have anything useful in the first one, so it becomes a lamp tossing session. and in the second one, he finds a metal tube thing!!! 

when he presses the side of the metal tube thing, a giant needle emerges!! is this one of those needles they used in s2 to vanquish the nearly indestructible aliens?? are there more in any other lamps??

now cancer man is back in the jail cell with the dude he took hostage that i thought was calming man jeremiah smith. well, whoever it is, he has jeremiah smith’s face. cancer man very dramatically sits in front of him and lights up. jeremiah says he isn’t ashamed of his actions, but cancer man says he isn’t “allowed to put your indulgences ahead of the greater purpose”. OH! so this must be a real life alien. that takes people’s shapes? i suppose?

YES! like that hit man did in the s2 arc that wound up with mulder nearly dead after the battle of that strange submarine!! whose blood induced the virus that led him to be soaked in an ice bath! i’m recalling!!

so, calming man jeremiah smith says he no longer believes in the "greater purpose", to which cancer man replies “then your fate is just”.

now hold on. what are you going to do to this man? there might be some intergalactic diplomatic repercussions for acting unwisely here, bucko.

they’re having a poetry off as they talk about duty and the terror of jeremiah smith giving the people hope. cancer man says men can never be free because they are “weak, corrupt, worthless, and restless”, some of my favorite adjectives . so he sees himself as this authority figure adjacent to god in this world in which man no longer believes.

well he's wrong on many accounts for 1. he is not god, just a guy who lowkey sucks at his alien job, and 2. scully is very much a believer of god and science, so take your stupid dichotomies and ego and smoke on THAT, cancer man

oh, but the tables are turning. “how many must die at your hand to preserve your stake in the project?” ooooh read him, calming man jeremiah smith!!! get him for me and again for missy.

cancer man seems deeply unsettled and tries to get out because calming man jeremiah smith is no longer calming man… HE HAS A NEW FACE?? IS THAT DEEP THROAT! he seems deeply scared… was cancer man scared of deep throat??? what was their power dynamic?!? oh, the things we will likely never know...

i have missed seeing deep throat around. but cancer man basically says that this alien’s execution date is coming. damn. they kill you for saving others. we really live in a society...

back to mulder, who is barging into skinner’s office. he tells his secretary to hold his calls, and it is appearing evident that he has not slept in a long time. he walks right into a meeting between skinner and scully, and says he wants his name and everything about "him"! which "him", you ask? you know the one!

“i want the smoking man smoked out; i want him exposed to be the murdering son of a bitch that he is” he says, and YAAAAS i have been wanting to say these lines for 3 seasons now!!!

skinner is not pleased with this, and reveals that he doesn’t even KNOW his name, nor how he can find it, and they are yelllling. mulder says to scully that cancer man is trying to kill calming man jeremiah smith, but she says that he had JUST been there, and he works for the social security administration, which sets mulder off on another quest. in which she joins!!

(skinner says something really interesting here- that there might have been a time when he could have been able to find out cancer man's identity, but that time has since passed. very interesting, i'd love to know what that means...)

off to the faraway and magical land of the social security administration, where mulder apprehends jeremiah smith. he looks to scully asking what is going on, and she also has no answers. 

so they get to the FBI and he starts to bolt!!! he falls down and comes up… with a new face?!! and then he disappears into the crowd!!! 

SO WHAT IS GOING ON??? are there TWO ALIENS?? are they TELEPORTING?? are they shapeshifting?? HUH??

cancer man goes back to the individual i shall now refer to as the “jail cell alien” because he no longer bears the face of calming man. damn, this is really confusing to write out, and very much tied to visual media as a storytelling vessel. i hope that you are familiar with what i’m talking about so you have any idea what i’m even saying, because i realize it sounds deeply incomprehensible.

alien asks why cancer man is so afraid of him, and claims that he knows everything about him. OH! “you think you’re god- you’re a drone, a cataloguer, chattel”, says cancer man, to which he is met with the reply “what you’re afraid of is they’ll believe i am god”

HEY WHAT! so what exactly is this dude’s job description?? like, either of them.

they’re talking about god and belief and fear and rule- “they don’t believe in Him, but they still fear Him” <- ooooh banger line on part of the cancer man.

(it seems that there is probably some very intentional real-world commentary on the illusion of freedom under democracy, the nature of the surveillance state, and how people are satiated under capitalism with all this talk to appeasement and there not being a god, but i’m not trying to crack that right now. i’m trying to figure out what this alien dude does beyond heal people and be cryptic. he says that humans have love, which makes them “better than us- better than you” SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? can he feel no love?)

they’re referring to some sort of process, and how cancer man wants to be involved when it begins, which i’m guessing is referring to some sort of alien-human joint conquest or hybridization or something?

GASP! alien changes his face again and proclaims that cancer man is… DYING OF LUNG CANCER!

fork spotted in kitchen. however, cancer man is sincerely gagged and doesn’t believe it. the absolute buffoonery going on…

now the alien from before that had escaped from the clutches of our agents has shape shifter again?? into the hit man we saw in s2! with the special alien killing needle!

so my memory is foggy… these aliens that the hit men are hunting are dissenters from the overall alien regime, right? they’re not different species of alien entirely? 

but then what/who are the little grey ones…. are we witnessing intergalactic warfare here…?

(i gotta be so honest, i come here for the lingering tension between mulder and scully, so i’m a little fuzzy on how the actual alien stuff works)

anyway, the cronies of cancer man are bringing the hit man and his lethal needle into the cell where they’re holding the alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith, but… he isn’t in there!!!!! where did he go!!?!

so we have two aliens, both shapeshifters, taking the same face at times, one trying to kill the other. also cancer man is here and mulder’s mom is in the hospital, and for some reason she had one of those needles in her house. okay, i’ve got it.

back to the hospital- his mom isn’t getting better, and he is struggling to hear that, pulling a chair next to her while his eyes fill with tears. he’s crying as he holds her hand to his cheek. poor mulder :( losing all of his family :( it’s so sad honestly to see him cry :(

he leaves the room, attempts to compose himself, and sees cancer man in the hall!!!! uh oh! so mulder GRABS him, throws him against the wall, and pulls out his gun, saying “you gonna smoke that, or you want to smoke on this?” <- WHEW!!!!!!! he was not playing around before but now he is a NEW level of locked in… but careful… if you kill him, what he knows goes with him….

he even offers to give him brain damage but not kill him, so he can suffer like his mother does (DAMN!), which prompts the reveal that cancer man has known his mother since before he was born. he thinks about this and decides that he does NOT give a fuck.

he claims that SHE contacted HIM, (which isn’t what happened because we SAW what happened at the start of the episode?? he wanted her to remember something??) and also that he has possible information on his sister’s location. how many people are going to use this line on our guy...?

mulder puts the gun down as a nurse walks in, pivoting to asking where his sister is- but the man who might have that information has disappeared, according to cancer man. so he must be referring to the alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith.

mulder keeps saying that he has what he wants, presumably referring to the lethal needles, but cancer man denies wanting anything except to see how his mother is doing. he furiously puts his gun away. 

back to scully cam!!! it’s late at night, but she is still at work, and she has her glasses on because she’s on the computer <3 she seems… puzzled. for the social security administration has records on SIX different jeremiah smiths, all from different locations, but with the SAME FACE!!! this is weird enough to prompt a call to mulder, who has no service, but is very angry in an empty parking lot. 

X emerges into the parking lot- he is always emerging from places- and asks if he has “it”. he demands mulder give it to him, but he refuses. 

mulder (correctly) points out that it is a weapon used to pierce the back of an alien's neck, which is the only way we can kill “them”. and X says it’s value will soar when the truth is revealed, so i’m wondering if we can get a rough time frame on when that will be so i can get my things in order before then. X says they will kill him for it, even if it risks making him a martyr and his research coming to light. oh, they must want it really bad... maybe it's a special kind of needle you just can't get on earth.

mulder says to X, so you’re talking about colonization, and you have a date, don’t you? but he refuses to give the weapon over. prompting a battle! they seem pretty evenly matched, and they both pull their guns out. 

“if you shoot me, you’ll never find it” “i ought to shoot you anyway, after everything i’ve given you” says X, and WELL! X, you didn’t really do all that distribution of clues to mulder out of the goodness of your heart, did you… you’re leading him on a little quest on cancer man’s order’s, aren’t you???? I THINK YOU ARE!! but i don’t KNOW, because why then would he SNITCH on cancer man with those photos??!!!!

(not super clear on why exactly mulder wants to keep this thing other than keeping it out of the hands of evil, but maybe that is enough of a reason for him)

so they both have guns pointed at each other, and they’re limping away, and X announces that mulder is a dead man one way or the other. ????!!!!! i do not want him to be a dead man...

scully comes home to her place at 1 am… but someone is at the door. someone claiming to be jeremiah smith!!!! chat... do we believe it? and how did he even find where she lives...

he asks to be let in… and she is gonna let him in…? with only 3 minutes left in the episode….?! seems a risky move!

he says he has information on her partner and his sister. and scully says, well why didn’t you bring that up before!!! a very valid question! but get this- it's because he’s never SPOKEN to her before- that other man was an imposter, sent there to kill him!!!

OOOOH okay. so now the dual shape shifting aliens thing makes sense. one sent to hunt the other for breaking the rules... got it.

her phone is ringing as this goes down. it’s mulder, saying that “they” are looking for jeremiah smith, and to meet up off the I-95. so it’s very dark and creepy as they go to the rendez vous point.

mulder makes scully get behind him, getting between her and the alien formerly known as jeremiah smith (🩷) as he pulls out the alien killing needle. and this guy claims to be the OG calming man that healed those people, but that’s not really enough evidence for a guy like mulder. despite mulder's suspicious, the alien keeps saying he can explain everything. but first, mulder orders that he must come to see his mother.

OMG! so he wants to use the alien's powers to heal his mother! do you think it could work? i mean, a stroke and a bullet are different kinds of hurt... but maybe he could pull it off?

OH NO!!! who rolls up to this dark and creepy scene, but the hit man!!! a loud crescendo of music is playing and we get a TO BE CONTINUED

DAMN YOU, CHRIS CARTER!

i mean, i knew a cliffhanger ending was coming, but STILL.

okay, so what am i thinking about this episode… i am thinking that i don’t really know what is going on or where the loyalties lie. but it seems that alien colonization is eminent? and where does X fall on all of this? i assume he wanted the needle killer tool so HE could kill the REAL alien formerly known as calming man jeremiah smith, like cancer man wanted, for rebelling against their alien treaty and healing someone. but if that is what he wanted it for, and he is aligned with cancer man, why did he go behind his back to do the snooping on him with mulder’s mom?? was he trying to get mulder as an ally to do cancer man’s bidding through sneaky tricks??? or was he going to keep the needle out of cancer man's hands, and felt he could do it better than mulder could, so that by asking him to give up the needle, he would be saving mulder's life and risking his own? does he actually give a damn about mulder? also, how many different kinds of aliens are there??? and are they all lying about samantha?

so huh. umm. that was a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

as interesting as this episode was plot-wise, and as much as i love angst, and how it pains me to see mulder mourn the potential loss of his mother, something in this episode just didn’t quite compel me. and then i realized: not enough scully. a criminal mistake, imo. takes what could be an amazing episode into an inherently mediocre one. 

but, what we did see of her was her kindness, using her doctorly knowledge to try and lift mulder’s spirits, risking a lot of danger to try and get the answers for him, even if it means getting involved with alien bullshit. maybe she thinks it’ll bring her answers about her sister and her own abduction… yes, that has to be it. still, a grave sin to omit her. it just feels fundamentally Off.

so, that was the end of s3! well, as i have done twice before now, i’ll make my season wrap up posts before i get onto s4- even if it does end with a cliffhanger that is honestly SO rude. i’ll have to go over all my notes again to find the best moments and compile them, which is always a task (even if it is a major treat). and i have a feeling there will be a LOT of favorite moments this time around. plus i'll update the masterpost.

thank you to everyone who read this far, and reads this blog at all. i can't believe i am on season 4! it really makes my day to see people's reactions to the episode, learn fun facts, and experience the community in this fandom that i am otherwise denied by my persistence in avoiding spoilers. please feel free to go back and interact with old posts, too- it makes me so happy when i get notifications from that.

until next time, you agents in a dangerous back alley with some skirmishing aliens!

[hairstevington]

Stranger Therapy - part 2!

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Based on this text post, Steve and Eddie match on Tinder and decide to go to couple's counseling on a first date to see how long it takes the therapist (Murray) to figure them out. Chapter 1, Link to Ao3

Word Count: 3k again!

Warnings: This one has a moment of actual therapy lmao, nothing TOO serious but Eddie has low self-esteem and Steve is closed off, modern day AU, aged up, brief Robin cameo, Matchmaker Murray.

A/N: OMG I was NOT expecting such a big reaction to part 1!! Here is the much requested part two, and I plan to continue for probably another two or three chapters. Thanks to all who have read so far!! PS I really did look into the counselor code of ethics for this one lmao

“So, how’d it go?” Robin asked once Steve got home. 

He had no idea how to answer that question. 

“It was…” He wandered to the fridge to grab a drink, wondering how much of the experience he should share with Robin. Generally, they told each other everything, but wasn’t therapy usually a private thing? So it wouldn’t be too terribly weird to not tell her, right? “Did you know he went to Hawkins High with us?”

“He did?” she asked, just as confused as Steve had been. “Like, at the same time we were there?”

“Yup. Eddie Munson ring a bell?” Robin thought about the name for a second before her eyes widened. 

“Oh my god! Yes I remember him!” She laughed, then continued once she’d settled down. “Okay, yeah. He’s definitely the kind of person who would want to do the first date fake couple’s counseling thing. He was always a little…outside of the box.”

“Come on,” Steve replied. “You say the meanest shit to me, and the best you can come up with for Eddie is that he’s ‘outside of the box?’ Robin, he’s never even seen the box.” She laughed again.

“Okay, sure,” she agreed. “I’m guessing it didn’t turn out to be a good match?”

Steve hesitated again, because no, that wasn’t it. He wasn’t sure if they were a good match, honestly. He ran through the events of the day in his head, then realized just how batshit insane it all was. And Steve had agreed to it. 

And he didn’t even regret it. 

He imagined telling Robin, and her relentlessly teasing him about it like she always did. This would give her enough ammunition to last a lifetime. It probably would be even worse than the fateful day at the mall when Steve had accidentally ripped his pants while attempting to hit on a girl. Robin had a front row seat for that one, and she still brought it up. 

Steve agreeing to go to therapy with an actual stranger, pretending to date said stranger, and working on actual personal issues together? Yeah, no. Steve was gonna take this shit to the grave.

Except, he wouldn’t, would he? Because he had an accomplice. They also weren’t strangers, not really, but they were still acquaintances, at best. An acquaintance that Steve had intermittently thought about kissing ever since Eddie mentioned it with Dr. Bauman. 

Ohhh, this is bad I think.

“Earth to Steve,” Robin said, interrupting his thought spiral. “Are you going to see him again or not?”

“We’re gonna get coffee next week,” Steve lied. He never lied to Robin, and he felt immediately horrible about it, but he couldn’t tell her, right? 

He almost broke and told her the honest truth, because sitting with the lie was so uncomfortable. Instead, he told himself that if he actually got coffee with Eddie next week, then he wouldn’t be lying. Loophole!

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “I really didn’t expect anything to come from this.”

“Yeah, well he’s -” Steve tried to think of what exactly it was about Eddie that was so enticing. He was hot, obviously. Charismatic. He was able to take Steve off guard, and they rolled with each other’s bullshit pretty smoothly. It was strange how connected he felt to Eddie in the session. Like they really were in tune with each other. Like they were an actual couple. “He’s cool. We had fun.”

“I know you’re not telling me something,” Robin said, eyeing him suspiciously. “But I guess it’s not my business. Plus, confidentiality and all that.”

Unlike Steve, Robin had been to therapy before. She had always told Steve he should go, too, but he never had. 

Until now, of course. But first, he had to cover his bases. 

-

Steve: Do you wanna get coffee before our appointment?

Eddie: Sure, gives us a chance to get our stories straight

Eddie: Hold on let me make the joke before you do

Steve: ?

Eddie: About our stories being gay and not straight!!

Steve: I wasn’t gonna make that lame-ass joke

Eddie: Sure you weren’t

Steve: And if I was, my delivery would have been way better

Eddie: oh shit

Eddie: Steve’s biting back today ;)

Steve: Well I gotta keep up with you, don’t I?

Eddie: Mmm i see how it is. Noon work for coffee?

Steve: I’ll be there

-

Eddie had recently been told by a close friend that he needed to get his shit together. The couple’s counseling wasn’t a whole master plan on Eddie’s part - he really did think it sounded fun, and it was - but the thought of talking out some of his issues was appealing, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

This close friend of Eddie’s - the one who suggested Eddie had an attitude problem and low self-esteem - had mentioned Dr. Bauman a few times in the past. He apparently worked wonders on couples, even the ones who argued all the time. His success rate was remarkable. 

Thinking back on it, maybe Eddie did kind of want to do couple’s counseling with Steve and Dr. Bauman for a reason. 

Like, come on. There was a spark there, right? There was something, at least. Who else would have gone along with Eddie’s crazy this much? Steve understood Eddie, and while he kept calling this whole thing ‘insane,’ it didn’t stop him from agreeing to it. Because there was something there between them. 

But mainly, Eddie just wanted to see a therapist, he didn’t really want to do it alone, and for whatever reason Steve seemed like the right person to be there. 

Okay, yeah. Steve’s right. This is insane. 

-

The cafe down the street from Murray’s office was small and cozy, and had fancy syrups for the coffee that Steve secretly loved. He came here sometimes, under the guise that he was getting a strawberries and cream oat milk latte for Robin, even though literally none of the workers cared. 

“Your usual?” the barista asked when Steve and Eddie got in line. Steve tried not to notice Eddie’s amused expression and the way his eyebrows were raised expectantly, desperate to know what Steve ordered so often the workers had it memorized. 

“Uhhhh…” Steve wasn’t sure why he was blushing. He never cared much about being seen as masculine, and he was literally going to therapy with this guy, so things were about to get a lot more embarrassing than a coffee order. He looked at Eddie. “Don’t judge me, it’s delicious.” Eddie laughed. 

“I don’t give a shit,” he said. “Whatever it is, own it.” Steve turned to the barista.

“Yes, the usual,” he told her. 

“I’ll get the same thing,” Eddie chimed in. Steve felt a flutter of something in his chest, somewhere between anxiety and flattery. 

They got their drinks and sat down. Steve took a sip and tried not to show on his face how happy this stupid beverage made him. It was a simple joy, you know?

“Okay, so you wanted to come up with some kind of game plan, right?” Steve asked as he waited for the caffeine to hit. 

“Yeah, I mean -” Eddie shifted in his seat uncomfortably. What the hell is he nervous about, Steve wondered. “If Murray figures us out now, he’ll drop us. So we have to be a bit more convincing.”

“How are we supposed to be more convincing? Do you want us to start making out on the couch or something?” Steve suggested it as if he wouldn’t be extremely happy to do so. 

“If it comes down to it,” Eddie teased back. Steve blushed once again. He was so much better at flirting than he was being flirted with. “My favorite color is black or red, depending on the day. I still mostly eat canned foods and TV dinners because I never figured out the whole meal prep thing, but it works out fine because my favorite food is mac and cheese. I play a lot of video games and I have a Dungeons and Dragons group. I’m kind of amazing at the guitar -”

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, not getting it. Eddie sighed.

“I’m telling you about myself, what do you think I’m doing?” He shook his head and chuckled. “So you have context, or whatever. So we’re not just making shit up.”

“Oh, okay,” Steve responded. “What about your family?”

“Yeah, we’re not gonna touch that subject with a ten foot pole,” Eddie muttered. “Your turn.”

“Fair enough. Okay, well my favorite color is blue, I guess. I live with my best friend Robin. I…I’m not really good at this.” Steve took another sip of his drink and wondered why he couldn’t come up with more facts about himself. 

“College?” Eddie asked. Steve shook his head. “Me neither. Do you like music?”

“Yeah,” Steve answered. “I took piano lessons for a while and then I taught myself the rest.”

“Impressive,” Eddie noted. “Do we ever play music together?”

“I guess we could,” Steve said with a shrug. It was fun, coming up with a backstory like that. “Aren’t you going to drink your coffee?”

“Oh Jesus, no. It’s got way too much sugar for my taste.”

“Then why did you get one?” Eddie smiled.

“Because now -” Eddie slid his cup across the table until it was directly next to Steve’s. “-you have one for later.” Steve stared down at both cups, perplexed. 

“That is…like, incredibly sweet,” he said.

“Just like that abomination you call coffee,” Eddie replied.

-

After intake, Dr. Murray Bauman examined the counseling code of ethics, and unsurprisingly there was nothing in there saying it was unethical to continue treating a couple who were lying about being a couple. He didn’t have proof they were pretending, of course, but clients lied to therapists all the time. If they showed up for their appointment, Murray was going to counsel them. That was his job. Truly, it would have been unethical not to work with them. 

They did show up, and they were right on time. Immediately, Murray noticed something was different. They were more comfortable with each other, and Steve in particular looked much less terrified. 

“So,” Murray began, “tell me how your week has been.”

“It’s been good,” Eddie answered. “You really helped us out a lot.”

For a fleeting moment, Murray believed him. He thought that maybe his instinct had been wrong, and they actually were a couple, and they’d somehow managed to get over Steve’s affair in a matter of forty minutes. 

But it was only a moment. Murray was a great counselor, but nobody was that good. His suspicions were confirmed when Steve opened his mouth. 

“We actually think our relationship is solid, and we kinda just want to focus on our own individual issues,” he said. 

It was far too polished of a statement for it to have not been planned. Which meant one thing - Steve and Eddie were just looking for individual therapy, and were going at the same time for…emotional support? Cost-effectiveness? 

Murray nodded. This was all a first for him, and he loved uncharted waters. 

“Okay, what would you like to focus on first?” he asked. 

“I’ll go,” Eddie offered. “So, I have this friend that says I have self-esteem issues, but it doesn’t really make sense to me because I feel like I’m pretty confident. Like, I haven’t really mastered how to be a grown-up or anything, and I’m kind of a mess sometimes, but it’s all part of my charm, you know? I’ve always been a little crazy, but I also think I’m awesome, so…” 

“If you think you’re awesome, why does someone else’s opinion matter?” Murray asked. 

“I dunno, aren’t you the one who has the answers?” Eddie asked. “Just skip to the part where you tell me what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, that’s not usually how this works,” Murray began, “but I think I do see what’s going on.”

“Enlighten me,” Eddie said. 

“You just said you were confident but called yourself a mess and a little crazy in the same breath,” Murray replied. “You can exude confidence all you want, but it doesn’t mean you actually believe those things about yourself. Steve, what do you think about this?”

“Uhhh -” Steve looked absolutely unequipped to answer the proposed question. “I think Eddie knows how hot and charming he is, actually. I don’t think it’s bullshit.”

“I didn’t say it was bullshit,” Murray countered, noticing that this time Eddie was the one to blush. “But there is a difference between ego and self-esteem. It’s not just about confidence, it’s about self-respect and worth. Eddie, do you feel valuable?”

“Like, in this relationship?” Eddie asked. 

“No, in this world.” 

This question stopped Eddie dead in his tracks. His face went pale, and he became visibly nervous at the prospect of being so vulnerable. 

“Fuck,” Eddie said at last. “I mean, uh - not really, but it's not personal, I don't think. Just feels like we're all specks of dust on a rock, you know?"

There was another shift in the room, but Murray couldn’t pinpoint exactly what. 

“Can you tell me a bit about how you grew up?” he wondered. Family history was a standard line of questioning in these early sessions. Eddie froze.

“Actually, I really wanna focus on my thing now, if that’s okay,” Steve interrupted. Eddie seemed relieved to pass the torch, so Murray went with it. 

“Of course. What’s going on with you, Steve?”

“Uhh, well, I - um -” he sputtered, his leg bouncing rapidly. “I keep having this nightmare - like, every night - where there’s a monster in my closet. What do you think that means?”

“Well,” Murray said, leaning back in his chair. “Dream psychology isn’t really my specialty -”

“Okay, but I reeeeally wanna talk about it,” Steve persisted. "Like, is the monster a metaphor about my sexuality or is it supposed to be my dad? Help me out here."

While Steve babbled about his obviously made up dream, Murray caught Eddie staring at the man beside him. There was a completely unmistakable twinkle in Eddie's eye that told Murray everything he needed to know. Whether these boys knew it or not, they cared about each other. 

“As you wish,” Murray conceded. They used the rest of their time focusing on much less heavy subjects, and it was pretty clear that was intentional. He understood, though, that it was important not to take these things too fast. Before long, the color returned to Eddie’s face, and the boys were riffing off each other again flawlessly. 

This was getting more and more interesting by the minute. 

-

“Things were intense for a bit in there,” Eddie said as they walked back to the parking lot.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “You okay?”

“M’good,” Eddie replied. “Your dream thing. Was that real?”

“Uh, no. I just thought you needed a break.”

“Oh,” he said. “Normally I’d give you a spirited monologue about how you don’t know me and therefore shouldn’t make my decisions for me.”

“What are you gonna say instead?” Steve asked. 

“Well, considering you’re technically paying for this, I don’t really have a leg to stand on,” Eddie chuckled. “And also, as weird as this whole thing is, I’m glad you were in there with me.” He tried to play it off as a lot more casual of a statement than it was. 

Being in therapy together and actually taking it seriously was an incredibly intimate thing. Steve wasn’t sure he could actually be as open as Eddie had been. 

“I think we’re skipping a whole lot of steps, here,” Steve said, attempting to return Eddie’s light tone. 

“Yeah, well I’ve always hated steps,” Eddie replied. “I tend to trip over ‘em.” 

“Right.” Steve chuckled. “So…same time next week?” Eddie flashed a genuine smile and nodded. 

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Oh, but next time - you’re in the hot seat. No fake dreams, I’m talking real shit, okay?”

“Oh, you’re making demands, now?” Steve asked, amused. “What happened to you not having a leg to stand on?”

“Huh,” Eddie responded, pondering this for a moment. He shrugged. “I guess I can fly.” 

Steve had no intention of actually diving into real shit, especially after he’d seen the way Murray dug into Eddie during the session. Steve wasn’t ready to confront anything. He refused to admit there was anything to confront in the first place. But he would go - of course he’d go, because something deep within him told him he’d regret it if he didn’t.

Steve and Eddie weren’t a couple. They weren’t strangers. They weren’t friends. But damn, they were something.

(next chapter)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[reluctanttrabbit]

HERE :)

vanessa goes and also smuggles Freddy to one of Gregory's soccer games

vanessa or gregory has a nightmare and the other is there for them

vanessa had a bad day yesterday and Gregory with the help of freddys head attempts to make her breakfast in bed the next morning

vanessa and Freddy help Gregory out when he gets freaked out about his amnesia again

tony ellis and Gregory hang at the fazcade but it drags back old memories

HOPE I HELPED YOU OUT A BIT VANNY✌

YAY THESE R SO CUTE AUGHHHH thank you... for saving me! i was so thirsty!!! /ref

will definitely do more of these prompts buttttt i want to go to bed lmao so this is all u get for now :3 idk idk let me know if you want me to tag you when i update this!!

2.

Fluttering in and out of consciousness, a very comfortable Vanessa hears commotion from somewhere inside the apartment.

Her eyes were heavier than Freddy's head, and her mountain of blankets weighed her down. Why was she awake, again?

I think.... I heard something. Maybe it was Gregory.

That works like a charm. She can slowly feel herself gain more energy to shift out of bed and sit up. Nail polish and clutter fall off of her side table as she reaches for her phone. Vanessa groans.

Fine, I can just walk without a light. I should know where all my furniture is from memory.

Her feet immediately catch on a pile of laundry she'd been neglecting. "Shit," she whispers as she hops until she regains balance. Vanessa steps more carefully this time, successfully feeling for the door frame and switching the light on.

There's a faint.. sniffing kind of noise. Then it goes quiet.

"..Ness?"

Her heart beats faster as she jogs to Gregory's room, feeling for the walls. It's right at the end of the hall.

Gregory's 'room' (a room she once used for art and sewing crafting, now containing just a makeshift bed and spare furniture) was pitch black; save for Freddy charging on the desk beside his bed. The beam of his eyes allowed her to see just half of Gregory's face.

"Are you okay? Did anything happen?" she runs a hand through her untamed bedhead.

"Oh. Um, I just heard.. you walking around, so I wanted to make sure, uh, it was you. I'm a light sleeper, sorry." Vanessa noticed how Gregory sniffed in between some of his words. Her limited view of him appeared as if he was on edge. Scared.

"..You sure?"

He fidgets with his sweater sleeves.

"Yeah."

It had only been a week since Vanessa took in this stubborn, brave, creative kid. After five days of going through hell together in that mega mall. A hell that she took part in, god, maybe even orchestrated--

That wasn't me. It was never me. I got him out. We're safe.

She couldn't blame him for being so guarded. Especially towards her.

Ness leans on his doorframe. "Look, I um.." she pauses, unsure of where shes going with this.

"I would never want to discount how brave you are. You have ten times the courage I did at your age. But that doesn't mean... you're never scared."

Isn't that kind of contradictory?? She thinks. Gregory's eyebrows furrow; he's just as lost as Vanessa.

"Okay, I'm really sleep deprived. Crap." she mumbles. "What I mean to say is that I don't want you to be scared of being scared. You can.. talk to me about nightmares and stuff. You don't have to push down your fears anymore."

He doesn't respond, looking at the wall for a bit. Vanessa fidgets with her hair.

"It was about the animatronics," Gregory breathes out. "but y- Vanny wasn't there. I don't remember.. seeing her." He motions for Vanessa to come closer. She doesn't hesitate, sitting at the edge of the mattress.

"They chased me out of the pizzaplex doors, and then we were on that hill. But Roxy dragged me back and then I was in some kind of.. mirror maze? It was on fire, and I had to get low to the ground."

Vanessa listens intently. "But Monty started crawling after me, and he got my leg. Then they all started... Um. And then I saw that other rabbit in the mirror right before I woke up."

They both freeze.

"I don't know, the locations didn't make that much sense. But I could see every single detail of the characters. I could feel everything." His voice shakes, right before tears start to form.

Vanessa felt a pang in her heart. She had no idea whether to comfort him or let him come to that decision himself.

"...Could you stay in here for the night? Like, bring an extra mattress maybe.." he trailed off, wiping his eyes.

"Uh- of course. Yeah, I have a sleeping bag somewhere." she takes off to the hallway closet, leaving Gregory to sit and wait.

He stares into the corner of the room. Into the shadows. Something looks like it's there, but his brain knows it's nothing.

With nothing to do with his hands, he hugs one of his pillows. I wish Freddy didn't weigh a million pounds. He glances at the Glamrock Freddy plush sitting on the floor.

Gregory sighs, leaning over to grab it and fitting it into his arms.

----------

"Is this good now?" Vanessa asks, sitting up in her sleeping bag and attempting to read Gregory's face in the darkness. He nods, seemingly content and burrowing back into his blanket.

Vanessa smiles and makes herself comfortable.

"Tomorrow I could go out shopping for your room, if you want." She stares up at the ceiling, envisioning where she would go. "Maybe some glow in the dark stars? My ceiling was full of 'em when I was younger."

Gregory made a sound that seemed like "mhm." He sounded ready to fall asleep right there and then. Vanessa wondered if her being here made him feel more safe.

"Night, Nessa." he mumbled

"Night, Greg."

[fiori7ura]

but strangely, he feels at home in this place

TW: body dysphoria, self-doubt, mentions of panic attacks & death, fear, depression-ish, trans max & steve, don't like, don't read.

(modern au, no upside down, max uses she/her but it changes halfway through, steve is also trans, max & steve have a brotherly bond — author is afab but on the transgender spectrum and goes through body dysphoria and confusion all the time)

→ i've been writing this on ao3, it isn't posted yet because it isn't finished, but i wanted to post what i already have on here :) it's all rough draft, so expect for there to be grammar mistakes or things nto worded correctly. there are italics galore in this, but i copy & pasted it from ao3 so it deleted the layout it was in, and my phone makes everything lag when i try and do italics on here, so, yeah, no italics, just imagine them in parts when needed lmao — read tags & warnings, thx!!

title from 'this is home' by cavetown!!

——— ★ ———

Yeah, you could say that Max never fully fit in with girls her age. She skated, hung around guys, scuffed her shoes with dirt and mud, crude sayings and drawings scribbled with black sharpie and in messy handwriting on the toes of her sneakers she got from Goodwill.

Her life was good for a while, until it wasn't. She woke up one day with panic and realization coursing through her veins, crying until her lungs gave out and she hyperventilated, screaming into her pillow.

Panic attack, Max's brain supplies from the old memory of her lessons with her school counselor, Mrs. Kelley.

Small things trigger them, and ever since Billy passed in the mall fire, they happen more than ever. Max wishes she could go back to that summer, when there were no worries in the world, before Billy died, before she and her Mom had to move into a crappy trailer park across from the Munsons.

The bad thoughts cloud Max's mind again, and she shakes her head like a wet dog coming in from the rain.

She gets up and throws on basketball shorts that come down to her knees and a threadbare, gray Hawkins Tigers shirt that she stole from Steve, her tightest, most concealing bra she owns strapped on underneath. Max shoves her hair in a haphazard low bun, taking a quick glance in the mirror, not even bothering to look for too long. Staring into her reflection is bad. It makes Max notice all the impurities and small problems about herself that makes her want to shatter the glass, break it into little pieces on the carpet below her.

Max prays that one day, she could just sink into the floor and disappear. Maybe then, things would be easier. She wouldn't have to worry about her impending doom of her crush on El and the dark thoughts that flood her mind daily, time and time again.

Max steps outside of her trailer, spotting Steve's car parked over at Eddie's. He's sitting on the porch steps, cigarette in his hand, smoke stirring out of his mouth.

She wishes to be like Steve. Wants it. Hopes for it. In her mind, he's selfless and resilient. He came out to everyone without a single trace of doubt, and everyone supported him when he said he didn't feel like a girl. That was three years ago. Max was only 12. She's now 15, drowning in her sorrows and regret.

She stumbles over the gravel that lines the ground, feet carrying her to cross the distance between the two trailers. Steve looks up from his crisp, white Nike Cortez shoes, a smile lighting his whole face up when he sees Max.

"You know those things'll kill you, right?"

Steve snorts, tilting his head like a dog. "Hello to you, too, Max. You sound like Rob, you know that?"

Max just scoffs, the smile on her face betraying the way she's trying to act. "Whatever you say, Mom. I'm not taking the blame from Dustin when you die from smoking on those cancer sticks."

"Sure," Steve says behind a smirk as he puts out his cigarette and dusts his hands off on his jeans, imaginary dirt spreading around the air. "If you're asking for a ride, just know that I'm about to be leaving. Just let me tell Eddie bye, 'kay?"

"Okay," Max echoes, laughing. "Go get your boyfriend!" She yells when Steve turns around to go inside, mimicking kissing and hugging, wrapping her hands around herself and making obnoxious smooching noises. Steve flips her off behind his back. She can almost hear the faint mumble of smart ass kid come from his mouth, which causes her to laugh even harder, head lolling back on a cackle.

——— ★ ———

They're halfway through the drive back to Steve's house when Max breaks the silence, Stevie Nicks playing low on the radio, music drifting through the speakers of his Beamer. "Could I, uh, ask you something? You gotta promise not to say anything about this conversation, because if you do, I'll blackmail you and send Eddie all the embarrassing photos of you from when you worked at Scoops."

Steve whips his head to look at Max, almost surprised look on his face as he lets out a disbelieving laugh, airy and light.

"Okay, kiddo. Shoot."

Her feet are propped up on the dash, and her pulse is rabbiting. "How did you know?"

Steve raises a questionable eyebrow towards her direction, nose wrinkling. "What d'you mean, 'know'?"

Shit, shit, shit.

"No, nevermind, actually. It's stupid," Max sighs. "It's stupid," she repeats, again and again, flipping the word around on her tongue.

"Hey, no, don't just dodge my question like that, Mayfield. Be honest. I doubt it's as stupid as you actually say it is. Spill your guts, c'mon. Like you do at those girly sleepovers of yours."

And, oh.

Girly sleepovers.

Max doesn't like that. Bile swirls in her stomach and she digs her nails into her palm, leaving crescent moons in her skin's wake, jaw clenching and teeth grinding down against each other.

Steve clearly notices he did something wrong, because he quickly pulls into his driveway and puts the car in park, unbuckling to turn and look at Max.

"What's wrong, firecracker? Tell me, please. It won't hurt to just say what's on your mind."

Max shakes her head, eyes downcast and frown placed onto her face. "When did you know you didn't want to be a girl?" Max whispers, voice small and weak sounding, even to her own ears.

Steve grabs Max's hand and holds it oh-so-gently, the angel he is.

"I always subconsciously knew when I was younger, I guess? I never wanted to wear dresses or look pretty. I wanted to feel like a boy. I always got mad when my teachers would split the class into girls and boys. I would try to go with the guys, and my teachers would usher me back into the girls side, telling me that I'm a girl, not a boy. Kids would laugh and point at me for it,"

Steve pauses, getting teary eyed.

"And I didn't fully recognize how I felt inside until after I met Robin and everybody else. I got assured that it was normal to feel like this, so then I recognized how to love myself and my body. I understood that I was a boy, that I am a boy, and I should be proud of who I am."

Max lets out a wet laugh, tears threatening to spill over and around her eyelids.

"I don't think I'm a girl, y'know, at all."

Max looks at Steve through glimmering eyes, and he pulls her into a hug, squeezing her, comfort washing over her body like a cold shower. "I'm so proud of you, Red. So, so proud. I love you, so much."

That's when the tears really start to flow. Max hugs Steve right back, laughing with hurt and love and peace and too many emotions that flood his body.

"You're the best brother I could've asked for, Steve."

They stay like that for minutes on end, time drifting together; Steve rocking Max back and forth in his arms, tears from Max staining his polo shirt.

Steve pulls back first, still holding Max's hand. "And you're the best brother I could've asked for. You're a boy, don't doubt that, Max."

Max wipes at his eyes. "Did I ever mention how much I love you, Steven Belinda Harrington?"

Steve sputters with laughter, letting go of Max's hand. "Belinda? That's the best you could come up, Mayfield? I thought I was the best brother you've ever had?"

"I'll take it back, Belinda, trust me, don't think I won't," Max laughs, punching at Steve's shoulder, not a touch of violence or hate behind it.

[theageofsims]

Story process asks, no. 10 & no. 12! 😊

Hi, thanks for asking me these questions :)

[TEN] Clearly it would be Makoto so I can just let my cats sleep around with other cats and produce kittens while I don't keep a steady job… and sleep with Judith Ward's mean ass to the point I get her pregnant even though I'm supposed to be a gay man -- LMAO, sorry. I had to once again throw some MAJOR SHADE to Makoto

Honestly? I'd probably want to be Gloria at this point in time because now that I'm a type 2 diabetic, I can't eat fucking cake when I want to eat cake. If I was Gloria I'd have a fridge full of cookies and cakes and pies… not because that's what I ate before I became a diabetic or what made me one, but because now that I am one I can't just eat that stuff whenever my hormones or anger wants me to eat it. THIS WAS A TRIGGERING QUESTION apparently, LMAO!!!! I'm kidding… but also, she's in a serious relationship William fucking Jones now. That's like being involved with Batman… well… maybe not Batman, but Bruce Wayne at least! I should haver probably said Indiana Jones instead, but I'm trying to not mention another Harrison Ford character (that I adore) so… yeah. LMAO. But it would have worked out because Indy is a scientist anyway.

[TWELVE] Being able to have visuals added to stories I would have written elsewhere anyway. I think I've mentioned it at least a couple of times that I've been writing stories my whole life practically. I was about 9 years old when I used those wild colored gel pens my parents bought me for school and all the notebooks to write fan fictions on my favorite musicial artists, made up characters, tv characters, and movie characters. I continued as I got older. Aside from riding bikes outside with my friends, going to the movies and the mall, or just hanging out with them at thier houses or them at mine, in my spare time I would write stories.

One thing I always wanted to do was be able to draw and I can't. I'm really creative in a lot of ways, but I can't seem to learn how to draw no matter what I do.

Anyway, so I spent years writing, but all of the visuals were in my head. I didn't think that I'd ever use the Sims to help me get some of my stories across (I still actively write fan fiction, but I post it on Archive of Our Own and there's no images to go with them) becaus I've been playing the Sims since Sims 1. My first attempt at a sims story and simblr started somewhere in 2014/2015 with the Sims 3, but it never amounted to anything.

I didn't really think I'd end up writing a story that I've stuck with for so long, but there's many factors why that's come to be. It may happen for my other stories as well, I just don't know yet.

I guess a truth, though a unique one, is that I love movie characters a lot and I have my favorite actors/actresses who play a wide range of characters. Clearly Harrison Ford is my most favorite actor for many years now and I've spent a lot of those years writing fan fictions with his characters as well as other characters from other things I love, but also made up characters of my own.

Every time I watch a Harrison movie I always wonder what their lives are like outside of the movie -- or what happens to them at the end of the movie? So that's where fan fiction comes in not just for them, but for all the characters I love. It's like fleshing out their characters even more and giving them a new life or new experiences with different sorts people.

It's just something that comes natural to me as it did when I was writing fan fiction for the tv show NCIS or before that, with The X-Files. All of my fan fiction from age 13 to age 20 had to do with Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Skinner, Krycek, and everyone else from The X-Files because that was my total jam during that phase of my life (but it will always be one of my most favorite TV Shows) anyway.

So I guess my "simblr story writing process" isn't really a simblr story writing process, but just more of a story writing process but with pictures. I get to see my favorite characters visually unlike I've never been able to see them before and I love that… if that makes sense?

[cloveroctobers]

southern delicacy — RIO x OC x ARMAN MORALES

A/N: I’m going through my list (If i don't give up and redirect the writing to something else lmao! I’m always changing just like the seasons Chile!), so hang on for the ride if you’re up with me! GIFS DO NOT belong to me! Also if you’re into r&b: stream Jai’Len’s album which this was inspired by along with Anna Nicole Smith’s documentary on Netflix + any other celeb documentary—and mystery documentaries that’s out there basically & I can’t wait to see Donna Summer’s soon so anyways!! Feels like the wrong choice of words to say, I hope you enjoy this but…

“One sip of this southern drank and you’ll definitely want another round,” Sahra laughs which is then echoed by the camera crew as she sits in her chair gathering the waves of hair to rest down her shoulder, “but only I get the say so if you deserve another glass." The producer asks, "Is it safe to say Rio and Arman received that chance?" A playful glint shined through her deep brown eyes for a moment as she says, "Question them in a few years to see if they're still talkin' about me honey."

Somali-American Model, Actress, and niece of Business Mogul Omar Elmi: Tissa Sahra Elmi known professionally as SAHRA who's been reported missing since April 18th 2023 is now pressumed dead as of May 8th 2023.

She was 33 years old.

SAHRA was born Tissa Sahra Elmi on July 30th, 1989 in Dahlonega, Georgia to Somali-born Maxamed, a Otolaryngologist and Tanya (nee. Wells) Elmi, a former meteorologist. She was the only child the two shared together and had two older half siblings from each parent. Elmi was later raised in Atlanta, Georgia around the age of three years old since both of her parents found better job oppournities and a better sense of a environment for Elmi to grow up in.

Maxamed often says that he knew Sahra would be special from the first moment she learned how to walk, "She made a show out of taking her first steps, chubby knees buckling but still holding strong. She enjoyed the praise she got from her mother and I. From then on, with everything that she did, she got a kick out of it."

Elmi started out in children beauty pageant’s at local malls at the young age of eight, winning most of her competitions and not taking the ones she lost to heart. Her mother recalls the first one Elmi lost, holding her breath as she waited for the sign of defeat to appear on her daughter's face up on stage...but it never came. "I'm not worried, mommy. I still have time to show them better," was what the then ten year old said as her mother embraced her on their walk back to the car.

"She was too damn smart but confident for her own good," Tanya laughs.

From there Elmi gained the attention of a fashion recruiter, which Tanya was reluctant to get in contact with, "You cant just trust anybody, especially with your child," She says recalling the day the woman handed her a business card. Soon Elmi got the chance of doing photoshoots, runways, and soon had a agency that wanted to work with her full-time at just sixteen years old. Once she signed, her fame was just beginning and seemed to be on-going once it became knowlegde of who her uncle was.

"I was respected enough for people to be aware that I wouldn't take any wrong doings brought to my family, especially a young woman who was coming up in this industry. I love my neice dearly and always wanted what's best for her but I knew I wouldn't always be around." Omar Elmi tells the camera, his words holding just enough weight of what the reality was like for young people growing up in the limelight.

SAHRA found success in the modeling world after finding her place in a agency and spoke out against the colorism and weight restrictions placed on women of color.

Eighteen soon to be nineteen year old Sahra once spoke at a 2008 fashion event, “What I’m speaking on shouldn’t be viewed as a controversy, it’s f—king human decency to let women showcase exactly who they are with no limit to their shades and sizes. I’m physically changing as I step into my adulthood and was dropped once certain designers found out my exact measurements, like how boring is that? I’m too plus sized for you because I’m not shaped like a pogo stick? This is my body and I’m doing you a favor showing how a high-end outfit looks on a body like mine, so it’s their lost. If they keep messing with me I’ll build my own agency, for women, for all people who know what it’s like. see how they like that taste, huh?”

Once she stepped into her twenties she gained her first ever supporting role in a No. 1 box office Drama/Romance film, “The Southern Gothic Hour.”

“I plan on telling as many stories as I can for as long as I live.” A twenty-one year old Sahra beams as she walks the red carpet in a floaty pastel dress, hurrying to get inside to the movie award show.

Elmi kept very busy after her first movie role, continuing her modeling career and was on the cover of vogue magazine, vogue Arabia, and Vogue Italia, for three months straight. She later went on to star in three sitcoms before working on her second major film. By then another controversy was brought on surrounding the Somali actress.

“Aren’t you embarrassed that by being involved with two men at the same time is going to ruin the image you’re building for yourself?” The paparazzi intervene as they follow a twenty-five year old Sahra to the airport.

She stops short after that question, turning to the flashing cameras, “that’s just a piece of my life that you’re dyin’ to tell the world while I’m just living in it. Living in my life with two gentlemen who want to spend time with me and reciprocate some love in return. We understand the nature of the relationship and that’s what matters. Not you or anybody else. I’m having fun in love and what are you doing? Chasing me down to throw some dirt on…well it looks like you failed, aren’t you embarrassed?”

Both Rio and Arman knew not to trust the headlines, especially once they got involved with a public figure but the both of them had a feeling that there was some truth this

Arman was the one to reach out to Rio first, unsure if this information was even true. It wasn't in his nature to keep up with the tabloids-even when he was involved with Tissa-SAHRA (as the world knew her) but it was his wife, Nadia who brought it to his attention, with a tablet in her hands.

He tried to brush it off as fake news but once his own phone started to blow up with tweets and phone calls requesting for comments...Arman found his breathing to suddenly be weak and got to his feet, pacing the outline of the mosaic pool with his phone pressed tightly to his ear.

"Yeah," Rio answered after what felt like the thirteenth ring, sounding as if he was on the move.

"What the fuck is she playing at?" Was the first thing that flew out of Arman's lips.

Rio paused, "Well hello to you too, Mr. Morales."

"Now's not the time for your bullshit either, Rio. Have you talked to her before she disappeared? Is this some big scheme: faking her death just to keep the universe talking? To get us talking? I told her once before she shouldn't play around like that."

"Nah, man it's true. At least the whole presumed part, in their eyes.”

Now was not the time to be vague.

"What?" Arman questioned, "If you're the reason why she’s gone asswipe, just say that—

"Whoa, what we're not gonna do is put this on me when your hands aren’t exactly clean either. You clocked out not too long ago to be with your wife instead. Now you’re here on my line asking about another woman."

"You and I both know she wasn't just that." Arman held the skin in between his brows, "...just tell it to me straight, what do you know and how do we take care of it?"

Sahra was twenty-four when she met Rio first in the summer time, out in the Oak Bluffs where her and her family were vacationing at her uncle's estate that Rio ended up doing business with.

Sahra knew of him through some chatter her uncle talked about over dinner, he liked to inform everyone of all kinds of guests that would be in attendance to this extravagant event but all Sahra cared about was getting dressed up and flirting her way through the night until she got bored and headed out to the beach.

She never expected a conversation about Cape Town to get her connected with Rio.

Never expected him to the type of man who enjoyed going out on dates

and that man sure knew how to plan the most romantic dates.

It felt natural with him and on the oak bluffs was the best kind of privacy Sahra could ask for.

Sure Rio’s seen Sahra’s debut film and instantly recognized her at her uncle’s event but it’s not like he was on some fanboy shit.

He kept that quiet and it only became knowledge once they were friendly.

“I admire everything that you do and are, don’t ever let anybody disrupt that—not even me.” Rio told her as the lounged on the sand, one night, perched on his elbow, focused only on her while Sahra stared out at the sparkling navy ocean.

Amusement was in her eyes as he lightly gripped her chin to face him, “Are you gonna kiss me now, Christopher?”

Rio smirked, long-lash brimmed eyes shifting from her mouth to her eyes, “don’t mind if I do, reina.”

Three months in a beachy but peaceful town surely sounded overkill to Sahra—well it used to in her teen years but it seemed to be everlasting with Rio around.

He departed the island a week before Sahra said her, “see you later’s,” to her family and returned to the stage which happens to be the device you’re probably holding in your hand right now

. Of course she kept her stories updated here and there

But never placed her time with Rio out there!

(She thought about it, posting a intimate moment on her more…raw and uncut insta that she kept on private and only allowed 30k+ to follow her on. Mostly it was just for her friends and close family members that she hung out with but soon supporters came across it. So on private it had to go—you don’t want to know the amount that sat in the pending section let’s just say that)

Why would she ever do that when she wasn’t sure if this was strictly casual or not? It’s like not she heard much from him anyways with him in Detroit and her going back and forth between New York and Georgia.

It’s wasn’t until early October that she went to Vegas to celebrate a friend’s birthday at this well-known club, where she met another business man who went by the name of Arman.

He immediately approached her and her friends, ensuring that they were having a good time and made sure their drinks were placed on his tab—only if Sahra got on the dance floor with him.

Sahra didn’t know what it was with these business men but they always seemed to be somewhere lingering.

“Do you own this place?” Sahra asked, already taking his warm hand as he helped her down from the stool.

“Just cut a deal with the previous owner, so in short terms: soon.”

Literally meaning cut— it’s was a whole bloody mess but Arman always cleans up well and Sahra certainly didn’t need to know the details, considering this is their first time meeting!

“We love a man about his business.” Sahra stated, “Congratulations, Arman.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. I have a feeling that means something coming from you.” Arman let the woman lead him to the dance floor.

She smiled at him over her shoulder, “don’t thank me yet. There’s still plenty of world out there to take over.”

“So, are you telling me you’re a taker?” Arman whispered down into her ear, one hand wrapped around her torso while she sunk into him, arm tossed up and over his shoulder.

“Maybe, it all depends on how this planet chooses to treat me.” Sahra spoke as they began to move in sync to the beat, her back pressed directly to his front.

She remembers how comfortable she felt in his arms that night. How the scratch of his facial hair touched the brown skin of her neck and how tender his hold on her was.

“How do you plan to treat me?” She asked and she could feel him smile from above.

“Like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And that granted him a kiss so good, he was a bit weak in the knees.

Arman had to stabilize himself on her despite him engulfing her with his slightly taller frame.

She let him. And found that she often enjoyed the weight of Arman over her body.

Her friends were disappointed that she didn’t go home with Arman but she did take his number and there were others that took pictures and videos that circulated the internet

Which was also brought to a certain summer fling’s attention…

Her phone rings as she’s outside the club, her group of friends drunkly screaming a mashup of Tinashe’s, “2 on” and Beyoncé’s, “Drunk in love” she wasn’t sure how they managed to do that but it didn’t sound half bad as they all waited for a Uber.

“Tell my stand-in he shouldn’t bother waiting on your call since I should be the first one you dial.” Rio’s smooth slightly raspy voice was heard as Sahra plugged her other ear to hear him better.

Sahra laughed, “Aw, should I be flattered that you’re watching me all the way out here? What? Are you actually our Uber driver tonight? The phone works both ways, i was starting to think you lost my number.”

“Even if I did, it’s not like me to forget something so significant. I’ll be seeing you next week, brunch on me. And if I hear that you entertained that pushing forty looking cornball, it’s gonna be a problem.”

Sahra was left with a dial tone and a snicker at that.

No man gets to tell her what to do, especially a man who wasn’t her boyfriend.

It was also thrilling to wonder what Rio was gonna do if she went “against” him.

Sahra was a free woman whether Rio liked it or not. It was funny that he was keeping up with her although they haven’t talked in almost two months.

So the next day she went out to dinner with Arman a few hours before her flight back to the east coast.

Arman wasn’t pushing forty. He was only seven years older than Sahra and she was grown, it wasn’t a issue or concern for her. She figured she would end up being with someone older than her anyways.

Rio was four years older than her and you never saw her cracking on his years around the sun…but how did he get access to Arman so quickly when Sahra just met him?

“Business men”

Her interactions with Arman seemed to get more publicized than her relationship with Rio (they were smooth criminals with it, literally 1 out of the 2 but you already knew that) and it didn’t bother Rio—at the start.

It was adrenaline inducing, fiery, and lust filled with Rio. He quickly became a lover and his jealousy definitely showed. He didn’t want Sahra to even think about Arman with his hands and tongue all over her body

making sure to leave his marks that the makeup artists had to rely on photo editors to completely remove them before they were fresh off the press.

Sure Arman was the question mark in the public eye but Rio knew what it was behind closed doors.

The paps didn’t have much information to go off of in the first place since they all lived on different sides of the map but Rio didn’t mind taking flights to be laid up with Sahra.

Yet it was never discussed what they were, although it felt obvious on his part.

Until he decided to pop up and find Arman there in NY, fixing himself a whiskey in Sahra’s kitchen.

“Uh uh,” Rio was ready to put a bullet right in this man’s chest, “think you missed the exit to the club, about three miles back.”

Arman huffed, “Don’t think so, Rio. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”

He already didn’t like this dude and it only amplified with the way he said his name so freely.

“It damn sure ain’t here, man.” Rio’s eyes were in slits at how comfortable Arman was in this Manhattan condo.

Arman raised his hands at the space around them, smug as he raised his glass, “I’m sorry but I’d have to disagree.”

Before Rio could say anything else, the slapping of slippers entered the white and nude modern kitchen. His eyes remained locked on Arman, itching to punch that smile right off his face, while some arms circled around his waist along with a chin pressing into his shoulder.

“You made it,” Sahra’s soft voice announced as Rio finally turned to her to press their lips together, eyes shooting back to Arman’s as he tried to slip his tongue into her mouth.

Arman tilted his head to the side, simply analyzing but expression remained neutral.

Sahra stepped back with a squeeze of Rio’s sides, “No need to show off, you both know what I like and it’s not a competition.”

“I’mma need some clarification, Reina. What’s the bozo in the tight blouse doing here during our quality time? I thought that was squashed.” Rio jabbed his thumb at Arman who rolled his eyes.

Arman muttered, “it’s clear communication isn’t the strong suit on your side of the relationship. She wanted us both here to propose the bright idea of us being a trio.”

“I’m not letting this dude anywhere near my shit, that’s for you only. You know that.” Rio was firm with his response and wasn’t sure what Sahra was on at this point.

This would turn out to be false once he revealed his attraction to a certain preppy busty strawberry blonde a little down the timeline of their soon to be poly relationship but—just make that a side note if you will!

“Listen it’s just a thought since I’m actually getting tired of having the both of you as my sides—

“Your what?” Arman immediately furrowed his brows, which clearly irked his nerves just as Rio felt that familiar itch to start knocking shit over.

Sahra raised her hands in surrender, “whew! Sorry honey bee’s, wrong choice of words. There isn’t a third option or anything like that, I’m just sayin’ I’m with the both of you majority of the time and I know you men are smart enough to figure that I wasn’t going behind your back about it—

“Well that’s a lie because I told you from the jump I wasn’t feelin’ him.” Rio told Sahra, who let out a sigh.

Arman barked, “The names Arman. My name, learn it and use it. Properly.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Rio sized him up with a shove of his hands into his pockets, unfazed.

Sahra let out a low whistle at the rising tension in the room before saying, “okay just hear me out—there’s already been some talk about Arman and I. Slowly it’s back on the rise on the gossip blogs and channels since he’s been here for about a week now but we’re been sorta careful. Half of my heart feels extremely tied with his and then there’s the other side that wants to be around yours Rio. So it just makes sense to at least see what you two think about being in a relationship with me at the same time. It’ll be a union.”

Arman’s eyes shot back to Rio’s at this, brows raised. It was clear she’s been thinking about this for some time and the fact that he’s already been here for a week probably listening to her tell him this, didn’t sit right with Rio.

“I don’t think your part-time lover likes me enough to share.” Arman informed Sahra, hand going up to caress her back.

Rio raked his teeth over his bottom lip in frustration, “don’t speak for me.”

“Well, what do you think?” Sahra asked, curiosity in her eyes.

Rio expressed, “I think that you want the best of both worlds with no regards for anybody’s feelings. The glimpses that you’re showing the world with Arman ain’t reality, it’s got to matter behind closed doors too. What we have is much better than that, just us two.”

“I know that the both of you are different but love me in just the right way that I need and want. I’m picking the both of you to love back at the same time, my hearts big enough to do so, so just let me show you.” Sahra declared, allowing Rio to hold her stare for what felt like a lifetime.

He was always trying to figure her out and spoke with his eyes quite a lot. He knew he adored Sahra but how much of this was an act? He couldn’t be too judgmental since he was often calculated himself but not with his heart.

“How do you feel about this?” Rio kept his eyes on Sahra as he aimed his question at Arman—it’s not like he cared about this random guy’s perspective but he wanted a sense first-hand on what his relationship was like with Sahra since he threw a jab at them earlier.

Arman kept his hand on Sahra’s back, “we don’t have to like each other but I know a good thing when I see it. We absolutely don’t have to be in a romantic relationship with each other but we can respect each other for Tissy—Sahra. I’ll do just about anything to make her happy and if this is what she wants…fine.”

“I knew you were soft,” Rio smirked, “she’s got that effect on you…but not me. I need a few days to get my head around this bullshit so enjoy your time together or not. I may be back.”

“Christopher,” Sahra called out to him feeling her heart race, “don’t waste this moment because of your ego.”

He paused, “my time’s never wasted on you.” Was all that he said before his exit.

And that was the first time Sahra shed a tear in a very long time.

It was Arman’s job to cheer her up while Rio took what was his lengthy leave of absence.

Arman was always in tune with his emotions, had enough compassion but Sahra knew Arman had a touch of a dark side as well. She sensed it when he would hide his cut up knuckles or when he was snappy on the phone with people that worked for him.

Sure she had her diva moments but that didn’t mean she was nasty to any of her employees.

Yet they both have two very different professions.

Which is why she heard her publicist out who weighed the cons of going public on her relationship with both Rio and Arman.

That’s right, the tatted man eventually came around because he also wanted to be part of Sahra’s happiness.

Although the downfall of the relationship felt timely, Sahra was surprisingly still friendly or rather had a love and hate relationship with Rio.

At least enough for him to do what the damn detectives couldn’t.

On the other hand, The relationship turned sour between Sahra and Arman once he began to get tired of constantly being in the flashing lights.

That was a shock to Rio since he knew he was the flashiest one out of the two of them but Rio would never compare himself to him. Fuck him.

Rio was better at keeping his cool in the public eye while Arman started to disconnect.

He found Arman engaging with another woman, a pretty Argentine girl named Nadia who looked like a model herself—yet she was no Sahra—who seemed loving towards Arman at the club.

Rio wasn’t gonna put his shit on blast, especially since he knew how hurt Sahra had been when he revealed that he did have some attraction towards Elizabeth but didn’t act on those feelings.

Here Arman was, acting on his feelings. It was evident that the touches were intimate and it would explain why he was distant so Rio checked Arman about it one night when Sahra was out with her girls.

Which resulted in them getting into each others faces about it.

“Did you cheat?”

“That’s not your damn business!”

Loud and defensive. Dead giveaway.

“I think it is. Be honest, what you thought this was going to be, fizzled out for you much too fast. You need to Tell her instead of being a liar.”

“Oh so you can get the award of being the best partner? As if you aren’t still around the soccer mom that you probably have wet dreams about like some sort of prize? You’re no better than me.”

“Wrong, I know I am. But at least I don’t lie to my girl’s face.”

“Fuck you, big whoop!”

“You got twenty-four hours to come clean.”

“Or what?”

“It’ll come out eventually and then your ass is gonna be done for.”

Arman battled with himself on his side of the condo and knew after the breakfast he prepared that he would tell Sahra.

He was shocked to find Rio not in the home, that the man actually granted them some privacy.

Rio was usually not one for Patience.

When Rio returned, Arman was gone, hopefully on a flight to Vegas and Sahra was seated on the couch staring out the large window behind it.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did.” Sahra whispered before turning to Rio with wet eyes.

He dropped the duffle bag on the floor, pulled his hood down and plopped down beside her, hand resting on her thigh. “I’m here and I adore you.”

Sahra laid her head in his lap as he straightened out on the couch giving her shoulder a squeeze, “I love you too.”

“And I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.” His fingers following the swoops of her edges, soothing her.

She closed her eyes, not believing that this time.

“Why are you two choosing to speak out now when you’ve been quiet during this entire investigation?” A producer asks the two men sitting side by side.

Rio licks his bottom lips, hands clasped together, “it’s better to set the story straight instead of people constantly picking the narrative.”

“What narrative is that?”

“That Sahra is this or that or the notion that we contributed to all of this happening. When we also knew her better than anyone behind closed doors.” Rio informed.

Arman was side-eyeing the man, which the camera picked up on, “I actually didn’t want to do this interview because it’s common knowledge that disingenuous people like to be exploitative on people in the public eye. Sure Tissy loved what she did but to victim blame is insane.”

“She shouldn’t be some tragic story. Especially when we only know bits and pieces.” Rio stated.

Flashes of a ransacked home, believed to be Sahra’s are shown on screen along with some black and white footage of Sahra being led down a hallway by a hooded figure, object pointed directly at her spine, to a airport with a woman with the same physique—hair gone or either stuffed underneath a cap and with shades on stood at the front desk with a hand gripping the back of her neck, to finally a news clip of the supposed flight reportedly missing off the coast and later some airplane wreckage was found in a desert that cannot be located on a map.

“What do you mean by that?”

“She always talked about a place in South Africa with Rio,” Arman started as he glanced over at the brooding man, “we’re still hopeful since they didn’t officially retrieve a body.”

“Don’t you believe that’s giving false hope to not only yourselves but her fans, especially when her family already processed this? It’s been over ten days.” The producer had clear confusion in their voice.

Rio lifted his shoulders, “we’re not trying to do that at all but I know neglect when i see it. It’s easier just to come to a quick conclusion especially when it comes to Black, Latin, Indigenous, Asian and other people of color right?”

“So you believe there’s negligence on the department’s part?”

“Without a doubt,” Arman answered, “Tissy was supposed to be on vacation the week she went missing…why are we getting footage of her disappearing two days after when she was supposed to be on a flight? Was she held up in that condo for those two days before someone took her to the airport?”

The producer was intrigued at their viewpoint, “they arrested the guy they suspected to be stalking her: Oliver Dumouchel who created one of the most well known fan pages about her. He was said to have engaged with her on the early hours she was leaving for her flight. Could it be him that forced on her on that flight?”

This Rio and Arman already knew. Getting their hands stained themselves as they snatched Oliver off the streets and beat him down to get some answers. He ended up telling them what sounded completely different from what he previously told the detectives. Yes he did manage to get up to the top floor on the early hours of April 16th but he left out the part where he had a scuffle with Sahra in the hallway. He did assault her with a vase, hitting her over the head with it and he left with a bloody nose, scared some residents would call the police. Where was the footage on that?

“So you think he switched her off with someone else? That doesn’t exactly make sense since he was found dead yesterday—apparent suicide.” Rio informed as the other crew had hushed whispers that filled the room.

“Was he the only one running that page?”

Arman confirmed, “Yes.”

“Listen we don’t want to feed into the conspiracy bullshit that’s out there but Sahra always knew how to take care of herself.” Arman said, “she always knew how to pick herself up after feeling what needs to be felt.”

“You’d know that better than anyone.” Rio jabbed.

Arman cleared his throat, resting his elbows against the arms of the chairs, “We love her and just want her to be okay. If it all got to be too much and she wanted to tap out then fine but no one should be able to make that choice for her in such a violent unanswered way.”

Rio dipped his head, a little slouched in his chair, “we’re doing our part in getting some answers, trust that. We won’t elaborate more but hopefully Sahra’s out there safe and relishing the thought that we still care about her wellbeing.”

[Some time in March 2022…]

[Detroit, MI]

Sahra is seen standing in front of a hooded Rio, dressed in loungewear as they hold a conversation with Rio leaning back against his G-Wagon. The conversation is hushed but it’s evident it turns serious as the previous smirk on the taller but thin framed man’s face went away the second Sahra is face to face with him.

The shutters from the cameras are going haywire since they’re used to only seeing Sahra out with Arman more than Rio. Her head turns, hand going up to block the bit of hazy sun that greets her skin. She turns back to Rio whispering something to him, in which he barely glances at the paparazzi before moving to open the backseat, revealing a fluffy white goldendoodle ready to leap from the car.

Rio interrupts, one hand going out to bury into the dog’s fur, keeping them still while the other hand waiting for the leash Sahra’s holding to hook onto the dog before handing it back over to the woman. She wraps the leash around her fist just as Rio places a kiss on her cheek then moves to climb into the car.

Sahra leaves the driveway first, now waving as the paparazzi begin to fire away questions.

“How are you doing today, Sahra? Rio buy you that dog?”

She breaths out a laugh, “nope. This is Amnati, “Nati” for short by the way. She’s my new baby. Rio was actually babysitting for me until I arrived back on his side of town.”

“Speaking of babies are you planning on having any with your two partners?”

“Arman is no longer in the equation, come on keep up with me now.” Sahra teases, making one of the paps appear sheepish.

The other laughs as they toss in, “but you’re still holding up well and got the part of this brand new upcoming thriller film, congrats. Any details you can tell us?”

Sahra spins walking backwards down the sidewalk now, a small smile on her lips as she says, “think of the film ‘when a stranger calls,’ but make is jordan peele if you will and that’s all I’m gonna say on that without getting replaced/fired.”

The paparazzi laugh, “that sounds pretty interesting, we’ll be sure to see it.”

“no one would ever dare to replace you!” The other says while Sahra coos and fans her hand at them.

Sahra then says, “you’ve got the right attitude about that! I might just be a lot, but we gon’ be alright, darling.”

She winks at the camera before sending them a wave and glanced down at Nati who barks up at her with her tail wagging, encouraging the shaggy dog to set off into a jog down and around the street, away from prying eyes and everyone’s view.

.ೃ࿐ .ೃ࿐ .ೃ࿐ .ೃ࿐ .ೃ࿐ .ೃ࿐ .ೃ

Continue along with my spring anthology series here.

[jaeyunsim]

It's award season (unconfirmed)! Give some of your mutuals silly little awards.

ooh i saw someone get this ask too and i thought it was fun so thanks anon for sending 🫶🏼

i don’t have many mutuals on this blog to begin with but

@heeseunq - enhablr cc of the year obviously goes to the bestie! she’s been consistently putting out beautiful content since day 1 to keep the fandom going and we appreciate her for all the hardwork 💖 she also gets bestie award, sister from another mister award, hybe employee of the year award, and heeseung’s #1 lover award.

@hoonclub - 10cm doll plushie hoarder award lmao i know you don’t hoard but if ordering from korean fans were so easy u would have all the versions of en-nimalz

@leeheeseunq - supportive gf award lol em youre one the best people on here always supporting ccs and always having a compliment in the tags 🫶🏼 gfx wizard award on the side as well

@jngwonnie - gif sharpening goals award chrissy i am in love with the way you sharpen your gifs! you are a blessing joining enhablr!

@jeonwonwoo - gfx wizard award 2 zaynab, you are so skilled in making stylish gifs in all the fandoms you are in, it’s so incredible! the tutorials you post are so helpful and so inspirational <3

@lunetual - material gorl award the best enabler if you’re hesitating to buy something. also best person to walk around the mall with because she will amplify the experience by starting off with a nice bevvy on hand.

@wonjinist - resident big sister award i know we’re the same age but like at my grown age i still need big sister advice and you are so easy to confide to!

@chewysan - hottest game tagger i love dom for always tagging me in those tagging games! i may not do all of them because i feel like im so boring and i wont contribute anything fun but my biggest love language is being remembered in things like this. and i say hottest because have u seen dom?? and his make up looks?

@zeikeu - serial url changer award i love you zo but you make me question who i’m interacting with every time cause of ur new url 😭 keep doing it tho, its fun seeing what you have next. also my fellow jake enthusiast <3

@blonghoonie and @flowerjun - best little sisters award cutest duo ever and validates me all the time lmao i also love seeing your convos on the dash 😆

@jhoons - jayhoon lover the one jayhoon believer left on this app lmao im kidding but thank u for reminding enhablr the one and only unit still exists

[intertexts]

ok so i haven't actually made it far past the brian interlude yet, I'm just in the chapter after that where lisa called them saying coil wanted a meeting w all of them to test out Brian's new powers (excited for that!!!!!!!!) and they're still having Conversations.

man. i love them a lot. I was sold on brian 100% ever since he met Taylor that one morning and brought her coffee and pastries. like. they're just. aauagahghh secret third thing!!! they're messy and they're mad at each other and maybe dealing with feelings they don't really know how to express and they just. want to be close to each other but don't know how. and they're both so bad at it. aauaghrbrhghh. never gonna be over alec and aisha referring to them + lisa as The Trio. like. yeah they fucking are aren't they!!!!!!! all three of them feel like. in another world where things weren't fucked up and bad all the time they should've been childhood best friends living in the same neighborhood and hanging out in eachother's backyards after school. but theure NOT and it's SO PAINFUL to me that it can never be like that. godddddddd. Lisa and taylor deserve to go to the market together again. hang out in a mall for an afternoon and just shoot the shit. be teenage girls!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!

also huge huge huge fan of the alec/aisha dynamic. shit eating grin stupid asshole kids. annoying little siblings coded. i love them so much. I need them 2 cause trouble together so bad. i keep forgetting how fucking young Alec especially is because he's just. he's soooo fucked. he's so fucked. and he's done so much terrible stuff and had terrible stuff done to him it FEELS like he should at the very least be the same age as Brian. but he's NOT. he's fucking 15 !!!!!!! what the hell!!!! he should be . sitting on the couch playing Xbox games for a borderline unhealthy amount of time and not doing his homework. do u know what I mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this turned into me judt talking abt how much I have emotions about the undersiders and not much more for my predictions but. I just think about them a lot ok. I can't believe ANYONE would EVER even suggest that they were never friends. did we read the same fucking story??????? hello?????????

MAN.... horse staring at ocean.png. i love you undersiders. brian taylor lisa!!!! yeah!!! the trio..... three of them do not separate... they should have been childhood best friends but in another world where they never went through lifeshattering horrors!!! sidebar i was rereading some of early colony this morning & taylor's casual narration of clearing her gun and knife and shit off the couch so they can take a nap, her one-line mention of grabbing her glasses and knife and phone and gun off the coffee table when she wakes up... just. took me the fuck out i couldn't stop thinking of that chapter ending in one of the first undersiders chapters when she's lying to her dad over the phone & staring at the pistol out on a table and going "yeah, they're good people." god. they are sixteen!!!! lisa and taylor should be out bein friends... but like. yeah. how do they exist with each other outside of work? it's been so long since they even tried a pretense at normalcy...

ALEC AND AISHA. god. they r genuinely everything to me on the exact same level as brianlisataylor.. they are so young. they'd be ninth graders....... i know exactly what u mean!!!!!!!!!! woe!!!!!!!!! curse of alec vasil emotions be upon u!!!! shitty little brother who belongs annoying people & playing overwatch with his bestfriend & instead is unbelievably fucked in the head from being raised by abusive rapist serial killers with mind control powers. lmao. & the same goes for aisha too..... if i think about aisha for too long i will dissolve into dust. head in hands.

[youraveragedeltafan]

Idea: Crossover/AU where Chloe Bourgeois gets on the Infinity Train and joins the Apex

Idk how niche this is, but I just had a thought once a little bit of my old and slightly older brainrots came back to haunt me: Chloe Bourgeois and Infinity Train, more specifically book 3. Since I have been grasping at creative straws for 2 months, here are a few bullet points/ideas that I may work with later. Big maybe, this newfound motivation might die tomorrow lol. Either way, hope you few people who find this interesting enjoy!

Also mlb season 5 spoilers I think? I dunno I just kind of read episode summaries now I have no idea what season we're on.

Imagine if at 15, Chloe Bourgeois unknowingly escapes to the train right before she was forced to live with her mother, but instead of going on a journey of self discovery, she has the 'fortune' in bumping into the Apex instead.

(oh also while all of this is very found family like, I acknowledge that under the surface these are still three flawed extremely traumatized kids feeding into each others problems and creating/building a cult that kills denizens/destroys cars, like that's all still happening in the background of this LMAO)

When the crying teenager is brought into the mall by the few younger members of the group, it's more of the same for Grace and Simon, and the normal Apex welcomes begin.

Nobody really realizes or cares who Chloe is, due to their ages when boarding the train. It would bother her on a normal day, but given everything that has happened prior to boarding, it kind of sends her spiraling into more crying/anger.

While Simon is in no mood for it, Grace goes into full damage control mode, comforting and leaving her alone in one of the nicer areas of the mall car so she can fully calm down.

Simon is annoyed by it, but Grace plays it off as playing the long game so to speak in order to get Chloe to join. It's a half truth, as she feels empathy for Chloe after hearing a small bit of the events leading to the train picking her up. (mainly that someone left her, bringing up memories of Grace's first time meeting Simon)

Speaking of empathy, this is dialed up to an eleven when Grace gets to know her better, and finds out about her kind of similar living situation (neglectful parents) and her history of friends/conflict at school (she doesn't really go into the whole superhero thing because she feels like it would take attention off her. Besides, they don't seem to know or care much about what's going on outside anyway)

Now friends, Grace decides to take Chloe to her first car raid with just her and Simon. Chloe goes along with it to both get her anger out on something and impress her new friend. I'd expect they'd hit an 'easy' car first, like the cube car from Book 2.

Simon is now annoyed and jealous now that Grace is giving more of her attention to someone else, but after the car is thoroughly destroyed Chloe gives more information on how she got onto the train. As soon as she mentions being essentially abandoned and replaced by her father, he empathizes with her immediately and actually gets pissed off for her as well (Brought to you by Samantha fueled abandonment issues). They bond over the trash talking of her dad, and they become official friends soon after.

With Chloe fully on their side (and their friendship growing fast), they finally decide to tell her about what the Apex is all about. Full theatrics, conductor and everything.

Knowing the crazy stuff that happened in Paris on a daily basis (which is only reaffirmed by the train), she doesn't doubt the existence of the Conductor, but has reservations about his godlike status among the group ("Are you serious? That thing is probably just a glorified sentimonster!"). However, she keeps these to herself, as she deep down, she doesn't want them to abandon her.

What she lacks in 'belief', she makes up for in fierce loyalty. The only thing Chloe has to her name now is her found family The Apex, and she's not just gonna lose that, no matter how many nulls have to pay. Besides, just because she doesn't believe in the Conductor's power, doesn't mean that she isn't greatly invested in beating the train...

(Oh also, a little bonus. Depending on if the headcanon/theory is true, I'd imagine Simon and Chloe would speak to each other in French on occasion to mess with Grace.)

[mariska]

hi queer friends in my phone i hope u have all been having an ok month so far 💖 im sorry i havent been online very much lately, its like 80% just me being forgetful except to hop on my phone app for like ten mins to browse my dash and reblog something and get distracted by another non phone related activity LOL. my bestie Eli is here still until the rest of the month and we finished our rewatch (their first watch, my like......who even knows the specific numbered rewatch) of Avatar The Last Airbender a couple days ago and that was very fun and exciting, it was wild getting to those last few episodes in the final season and just totally getting brought back to being a kid in my head when the show was actively airing on tv and i was sitting in my bedroom exploding from sheer special interest excitement watching the story wrap up on the super small box tv i used to have like 15+ years ago 😭🫡 we haven't started watching Legend Of Korra yet since we just finished ATLA and need to like. take a lil Avatar media break before jumping into another entire finished series fhdhdhsfsshhgd but excited for whenever we start that too!! Eli showed me a fav movie of theirs the other night called Thoroughbreds and i REALLY liked it, fellow toxic yuri enjoyers i truly cannot recommend that one enough those girls have Problems In Abundance and i love that for them and also me.

OH OH OH ALSO on my birthday after we got home from out of house activities we watched that Nic Cage movie 'Dream Scenario' that i've wanted to see so bad since the first trailer for it dropped online a while back, and i am truly not just being dramatic when i say i think that is my favorite movie i've seen this year and it will be Difficult for another movie to win over that 2024 Fav Spot in my mind, it was exactly what i wanted it to be and MUCH MORE LMAOO IT WAS SO GODDAMN FUNNY. very specifically Me And Eli's Kinda Stupid Sense Of Humor throughout the whole run time we were fuckin losing it at every other scene. that was a wonderful lil birthday treat.

also the antique mall we were gonna go to ended up being closed on the day of my birthday so we went to a big mall off-Cape that i like instead and have been to a few other times for past birthdays cus they actually have a bunch of different types of stores with stuff i actually enjoy unlike the more local mall we have here that is 100% dying a slow agonizing Mall Death lmao. went to Build-A-Bear and they had that one bear style in stock that literally just looks like a femme lesbian with the lesbian flag colors and perfect lil eyeliner so i made a Chappell Roan inspired pop star outfit wearing lesbian colored bear (saw someone else online do that a lil while back with the same style i chose so i couldn't resist doing it myself when i saw it was at the store hfsfgsvsgshshdg) and the ppl working there that day were all super chill and friendly and most likely around me and Eli's age or maybe a few yrs younger than us, the person who helped me make my bear specifically was really friendly and fun to talk with cus while we were in there it was pretty much just us and the employees for the majority of the time, he like immediately picked up on me being A Very Obvious Femme Lesbian on account of The Femme Lesbian Bear and also The Very Over The Top Femme Alt Outfit I Was Wearing and we chatted abt being gay and trans while he was stuffing the bear it was such a genuinely sweet and wonderful interaction, he was also autistic and we got to briefly bond over Build-A-Bear being mutual life long autistic special interests of ours and he seemed rly happy to hear that i was turning 27 that day and was still actively wanting to spend birthdays making custom stuffed animals there it was just really great all around 😭💕 also before the mall closed later on we did a quick stop at the FYE store that was there (i always get very excited when i see a still active FYE store anywhere cus it was a childhood fav place of mine to shop but our local mall closed ours when i was a teenager lol) and there was a small stand set up with some ATLA merch and i got a fully functional Momo backpack/crossbody style bag that i am so incredibly psyched about having fjdgedfdhsshfg it is very cute. and anyone who knows me knows i love adding a silly lil functional novelty bag to my collection of silly lil novelty bags. so it will be getting much use from me out in the world

anyways!!! thats pretty much what i've been up to, just figured i would hop on and write a mariska life update so everyone here knows i didnt just like. drop off the face of the earth lol

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

pray for me, y'all.... im finally trying to actually read some of my old required philosophy readings from uni..... nearly 10 years later... all bc I could start to feel my brain rotting from the inside out, from all the fb watch bs and youtube shorts and general yt stuff bullshit that I've been watching non-stop since I left my job in march lmao.

part of this, is me starting to use my brain to actually read a Physical Book™️ as well.... bc last week I went to get the undercarriage of my car fixed at the car body shop..... I went to that area's local mall to kill the hour and a half they took to fix it. in the food court of the mall, they had a community library shelf thing, that so many places have now.... where people just leave their unused old books for people to peruse while eating a subway, or fish and chips meal, or whatever else for lunch.

on that shelf, I finally jumped onto/into Michelle Obama's memoir Becoming.... which i've been meaning to listen to the audiobook of on scribd (which I've deactivated since I'm broke rn); for ages. and y'all. I can't stop reading it. it's made me finally look into international relations, which was a subject I always wanted to do at uni... but just didn't want to do the debating side of it lmao (and also bc I was thinking of doing it if I'd applied for that cadetship at my local uni.... which I didn't lmao). I'm reading my old intro to philosophy textbook- philosophy for everyone (ebook).... which I completely and utterly ignored during undergrad on purpose.

just. say what you want about the Obama's. but at least Michelle has kicked my ass into paperback reading, and philosophy text overdrive.... making me realise just how dead and numb my brain has been; since I dropped causal reading of ANY books as a hobby..... for endless tumblr, youtube shorts (and now also actors reviewing their careers through vanity fair or GQ)..... endless make-up or skincare review/tutorial videos or endless repeats of some of my fave stand up comics bits from their netflix specials or w/e (which I've watched so often now that I can recite some of them word for word or paraphrase them well enough in a semi-okay impression of them).... just an endless stream of bullshit, really.

just yeah. at least im reading again. and finally using my brain. im not using my phone for like at least an hour or two (2) at a time, when I really get into the groove of reading. it's wild tbh. but I will really have to train my brain not to re-read and re-read and re-read, ad infintum, one or two sentences on a page; whilst trying to read philosophy texts like on liberty (like im attempting rn lmao). bc that's exactly how I gave up on all of my philosophy readings in the first place..... bc having to re-read a sentence like 3 times made me feel stupid asf.

yeah. im just here to say. for the love of god. pick up a print book every once in a while. or hell, even an e-book through your local library's e-book app (eg, libby/overdrive or borrowbox). or if you have one, your kindle (that's where some of my international relations stuff is and my old philosophy textbook) or other e-reader. and yeah I know. once I get a job (lmao the job markets shit) I won't be raving like this, about wanting to read anything other than an audiobook on the way to and from work everyday. I'll end up back in the loop of nothing but fb watch etc. I will be the last person to join, if at all, the company's book-club. I didn't even join the short lived one at my old work.

just try to make an effort to read something, anything. get the fuck away from youtube and other social media reels/shorts etc etc brain rot and read... idek comics or something fun. a kids' book, like Grug or the little miss/mister men, just for shits and giggles, to turn off your brain... instead of going down the reels and shorts or tiktok holes so often that you can literally feel your brain melting to mush.

[captainmarsupial]

once again, i fail at this blog.

IT'S MID SEPTEMBER!

it's just now occurring to me that fall is in like, a week. which means i get to listen to stuff like phoebe bridgers & death cab for cutie & kyuhyun's "fall, once again" album & that one dj snake song about the end of summer. <3 i know it's gonna be hot for the next five weeks anyway, but i'm still in a good mood about it. the sun sets earlier & the mornings are a little colder! and i'm just about in the mood for warmer scents and using my oven!

summer was good. i guess i haven't updated since the first of july?! my week off kind of sucked since i was at home & there was a pretty vicious heatwave, but we got a new couch and it's such an upgrade from our old one. i went on a cousins trip to san diego which i would say was...overall successful, but i definitely learned who i would not travel with again. hahahah. but that's maybe not a story for the public blog. other than that, july was pretty laid back. i saw a soccer game with kristen & honor, celebrated john's bday, hosted a knitting night with tram & minnette & a new friend jenn... also ate hella bad & barely worked out, but that's ok. lol

august was buuuusy. went to outsidelands after swearing i'd retire, also went to a jazz festival (which was so much more lowkey), had a catch-up dinner with susan, took a yarn spinning class!, & had like a billion different birthday celebrations:

-dinner with toni at this popup thing her cousin was hosting. it was my first time doing one of those tasting menu type dinners & it felt hella fancy. there were some things we were confused on how to eat, & also there were ribs on the menu but we didn't know if we could use our hands?! LOL. i ended up using mine bc it was supposed to be a filipino fusion menu, & we use our HANDS! i also got a birthday shot on the house, &they gave me a fat ass shot of hennessy. -lunch with noel & josh! we got japanese curry, &then we went to the mall bc noel was buying a very expensive watch. i was already planning on buying myself a very expensive bag which is why i tagged along. my wallet was crying, but it was worth it & it was fun to hang out with the guys. :] -dinner with siblings & toni & everyone's SOs! we got kbbq. i was banned from helping plan this dinner because im the micromanager friend :[ embarrassing. but it was so awesome, they got me a cake that was covered in kyuhyun cake toppers bahah. &the restaurant staff wheeled it out which was definitely embarrassing but it's ok. -house party! not really. it was only like ten of us, but we did barbecue &drink hella &play beer pong &sing karaoke for the rest of the night. we cleaned up the yard & busted out all the seating and the umbrella, and had party favorites (filipino bbq + lumpia + little caesars LOL). oh & we even played GUITAR HERO! honestly, it was pretty healing. it was like all the best parts of family parties &no aunties there to call us fat or ask us why we weren't dating or going to med school. hahahah -dinner with parents! honestly, i've been too busy to go home and i feel super bad about it. so we met halfway and got sushi &did some shopping after. it made me happy, but i should definitely try & go back home sometime this month...

annndd now it's september!

i started playing tennis (technically again, but i haven't played since high school) & it's been a ton of fun. im so bad at sports, but i've definitely been getting the hang of it, which is shocking. i guess the only thing is im worried about getting injured so i tend not to go super hard. which i guess is fine, at my grown ass age lmao. but i do try and cross-train by doing cardio &strength training at the gym. i think it's helping more than i thought it would.

choir also started back up again! i was playing tennis last week with tram and rj and josh, & they were joking that i have the extracurricular schedule of a high school student. the only thing about choir is we're preparing for the christmas concert, so im already hearing christmas music this month. i've always been good about not listening to any christmas music until after thanksgiving, but not since i started singing in choir again. BAAHH. but im pretty excited for this concert because the repertoire isn't as challenging as last year's.

this week niki came & stayed for a few days since she was attending a conference in the area. it was actually rly fun to have a sleepover vibe going on, even if we did all sleep in separate rooms at the end of the evening LOL. we had a yummy dinner of korean corn dogs on her first night, &just caught up with...life. i haven't seen her in a couple of months since helping her move, &i worry about her sometimes bc i know she's going thru some life stresses.. so it was good to catch up, &have some reassurance that she's ok. on thursday night we were all busy, so we didn't see each other until the end of the evening, but on friday we spent the afternoon in the backyard drinking some vietnamese dessert drinks &playing genius star &cracking jokes. it was a nice start to the weekend. :]

i actually saw her yesterday too to check out her new place! she & meredith are living with a couple minnesotan friends now that i got to meet back in march. marissa came too so it was basically a mini reunion. we had a super yummy home cooked dinner & then talked shit about crappy guys at work & then played this game called in cahoots. i ended up going home first since i live the farthest :[ buut it was so nice to be all together again. i think march was the last time.. TT i've seen the rest of them on separate occasions since then, but being together as a group just hits different. sam & emily are so nice too :')) they live so far away, but hopefully i'll see them again soon.

next week im going camping! my sister was supposed to come, but she texted me today that she has covid :[ grrr. i should definitely be more careful since a lot of people i know have been getting it.. i slacked off on masking at work for sure, but people there sound hella nasty right now. so i packed a mask in my bag lol. anyway, camping should be fun. im excited to hike and cook! i started watching the kvar show spring camp today, &it really got me excited to camp. granted my gear is not that nice compared to theirs LOL. but still.

im hoping it won't be super hot at camping, especially now that the nights are cooling down significantly. i guess as long as we get the outdoor activities out of the way early, & then spend the rest of the day in the shade it should be fine. ahhhh...im excited :]

anyway, i guess ill go do some duolingo &then go to sleep.

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, July 20th, 2024.

10 HOW’S How did you get one of your scars? Enough about the scars I know about; let's go with one that's a mystery instead. There's one just behind the knuckle on my right index finger, around a centimeter in length. I think I've had it for the majority of my life, perhaps even since childhood, but I have no idea how I received it.

How did you celebrate your last birthday? I volunteered at the animal shelter in the morning, then went out to lunch at Ruby Tuesday with my parents. Also, it was a really snowy, slushy day, so that was an extra plus.

How are you feeling at this moment? Probably as close to relaxed as my brain will allow me to be. I woke up around 5:30am, laid in bed for a while and listened to a tarot reading on YT, had my usual oatmeal for breakfast while reading through some comments on a reaction video, cleaned my room, made some art while sipping coffee, and now I'm here - just passing time until I go for a movie with my mom. It was her birthday a few days ago, so we're going to go see Despicable Me 4.

How did your night go last night? It was chill. I had dinner, chatted with my dad, then fell asleep to an Event Horizon podcast about searching for techno signatures on exoplanets.

How did you do in high school? High school was a mess.

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? One of them was a gift from my dad; it's a Bigfoot shirt that he bought at the mall a couple of years ago. Then I'm wearing a blue tank top over that; it was given to me by the animal shelter a few weeks ago, along with a minty-green t-shirt.

How often do you see your best friend? He lives in California, so I never get to see him in person.

How much money did you spend last month? Aside from the usual expenses, I don't think I really spent any extra money.

How old do you want to be when you get married? It's not so much a matter of age as it is finding the right person, being emotionally ready for that type of partnership, etc.

How old will you be at your next birthday? 36. I don't know whether it's a curse or a blessing that I've been allowed to survive for so long, lmao.

9 WHAT’S What is the most important part of your life? My family and my cats, improving my overall wellbeing, volunteering, etc.

What did you do last weekend? I stayed home on Saturday and did the usual (cleaned my room, made art, watched entirely too much YouTube…), and on Sunday I was at the animal shelter from around 7-11am.

What did you last cry over? This is going to sound so silly, but let me explain. The last time I cried was in therapy. We were talking about my art and my therapist made the suggestion to try something new - as a sort of mindfulness exercise, just to see what came up - like trying to paint a picture upside down or something along those lines. I was resistant to it; like no, the whole reason I paint landscapes and hardly ever branch out in terms of technique is because I like the mindlessness of it. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to "see what comes up." We explored it a bit more and I just started to cry. I realized it was because I'm so far out of my comfort zone in my everyday life that I need that island of safety and routine in such a discomforting sea of everything else.

What are you worried about? The same future stuff as always. But in my immediate life, I'm not really all that worried about anything.

What is your mother’s name? I'm not going to give that.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? NOT painting my landscapes upside down, lmao. Trips to the Mountain Park. Cuddling with my kitties. Talking with my dad. Reminding myself of how far I've come, everything I'm grateful for, all the things that are going right, etc.

What would you rather be doing? I'm fine with this.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? I'm not even looking for a significant other atm.

What did you have for breakfast? Oatmeal.

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? Yeah.

Have you ever had sex on the beach? Just thinking about it makes me feel itchy. All that sand…in all the wrong places…

Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend? Not really.

Have you ever been out of the country? No.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Yeah.

Have you ever liked someone who already had somebody? Yeah. They were polyamorous, though, so the fact that they were already with someone wasn't a barrier. However, I did very quickly discover that such relationship dynamics aren't for me.

Have you ever been brokenhearted? Very much so.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Probably.

SEVEN WHO’S: Who is the last person you saw? My dad.

Who is the last person that you texted? My mom.

Who called you last? My dad.

Who is the last person you hung out with? I haven't really "hung out" with anyone recently.

Who did you hug last? My mom.

Who is the last person that texted you? My mom.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? My dad.

SIX WHERE’S: Where does your best friend live? California.

Where is your favorite place to be? At home, out in nature, or at the animal shelter.

Where did you sleep last night? My bed.

Where did you last hang out? The animal shelter, I guess.

Where do/did you go to school? I'm not going to list the schools I attended. I'm also not in school at this time, nor do I have any current plans to go back.

Where did you last adventure to? The Mountain Park, last Wednesday. It was much needed. I don't feel like I got enough of it, though. It made me realize that most of my life has been consumed by the routine of going to the animal shelter and I really need to get out there on a more regular basis.

FIVE DO’S/DOES Do you ever wish you were someone else? I don't really want to be anyone else, but I do wish I could be…like a different, healthier, stronger, more confident version of myself.

Do you think anyone despises you? Ehhh, maybe Alex at the shelter…? Like, I don't think she necessarily full-on despises me, but she can be very…hmmm. Critical, petty, fake. We keep it friendly and professional, but yeah. I'm under no illusions.

Do you like someone right now? No.

Does the future scare you? Yeah. Which is why I'm trying so damn hard to become more independent/self-reliant now, before it's too late.

Do you have any secret powers? Naw.

FOUR WHY’S: Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)? I honestly don't even know how to answer this. We've been friends since we were teens, and idk, we just get along well together, have the same general sense of humor, like some similar things, etc. It's a very easy, drama-free friendship these days.

Why did your parents give you the name you have? My parents didn't give me my current name.

Why did you get a myspace? Curiosity, I guess, and as a way to keep in touch with a few people. But I spent so much time there because I loved taking surveys, messing around with my layout, and that sort of thing.

Why are you doing this survey? The questions looked interesting.

THREE IF’S: If you could have one super power what would it be? Either teleportation or a very fine-tuned sense of intuition (so I could be in the right place at the right time, know what to say or do to have the most impact, etc).

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? I guess not.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Maybe somewhere like Beulah or Rye. I want to be out in the woods/mountains, but close enough to where I currently live in order to stay at the animal shelter + have all the conveniences of my current city without an overwhelming commute.

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S: Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? Yeah.

Would you ever get back together with any of your exes if they asked you? No.

LAST ONE: Are you happy with how your life has turned out? It hasn't exactly "turned out" yet. I mean, I'm still living it, still progressing, etc. Am I happy with how things are now, though? Yes and no. On one hand, I'm extremely proud of how far I've come and I try to give myself a lot of credit for that - because it sure as hell has not been easy - but on the other hand, I still have so far left to go.

[365daysprocrastinating]

April 2023

Last Tuesday (the 11th), It was a huge step for me. It was crazy and it was the first time I went to the mall... ALONE. I also shopped... ALONE. It was an alone time for me. I didn’t know I could do it but I did and I am happy about it.

I don’t like going out alone especially when I don’t know where I am going or what I’m gonna do. I only go out when I need something and not just because I wanna go out. I always wait for the time that I NEED to go out to actually do it. I am so socially anxious that thinking about going out already freaks me out. But remembering that time that I went to the mall alone makes me feel really nice and I would love to do it again next time. I would love to watch a movie alone. I will definitely make a checklist from now on since I know that I can do it. I just really do hope that I will be able to have a car to drive around so I will face less people just to enjoy myself more.

Anyway, I really want to make sure I can do it all again without needing something. I really just went out that day because I had no other choice cause I needed my glasses. The one I had was barely holding on and I left my contacts  back in Manila. I will have a hard time if I don’t get one so I did. My cousin wasn’t able to go with me so I went alone. It was liberating and I just hope I can do it all again.

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Been having weird breathing patterns. I don’t know if it’s panic attack or me being aware of breathing. I’m not really sure but anyway, it is bothering me. I also am aware that I’m starting to relapse to my anxious self. Whatever is happening to me, I need to keep my shit together or I have to get my pieces back together again.

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Realised a thing or two. One of it is my manifestation don’t work out when I put it out in the world. It works when I leave it in my mind... or in my notebook without any explanation so I just forget about it. LMAO. (Do people still use lmao in this day and age? I now feel old.)