#it's been a while since I could focus on writing and got a full project done like that

[seeminglyseph]

somehow seeing that post about people selling fanfic made my brain do the paranoia tango, I know it's like... the ultimate self indulgence because it's all old and like... moderately successful for its niche circles of interest. And also I have literally not written anything in like... years.

But I've never posted any of my writing on any of those for profit sites like kindle unlimited or... any of the other self-published sites you can make an income off of. I have my fics posted on AO3, and maybe random brainstorming posts here and like... those are the official places you should find like. "The Kids Aren't Alright" and I guess I had some Dragon Age stuff I fully abandoned because I ran out of inspiration. but TKAA is such a like. "Let's do a High School AU of some late stage villains and some side characters that basically become OCs since they were basically just some cool character designs in a completely different show in a different genre so the translation from space marine/mercenary to high school delinquent is so drastic and dramatic that unless you know to look you will not know the characters are based on each other"

So I have toyed with returning to the idea and refining it to like... a better polished finished story that probably wouldn't resemble the rough 'seat of my pants' fic I originally wrote. but also like. Someone could just barely need to replace the names in that bitch and have a stolen fic that people might not even fully be able to guess the source of the fic to publish as a novel. It's extreme vanity to assume someone would want to but like. I would really have no way of knowing. So it has not been me. I have not done that.

[hoshigray]

hi! i’m not quite sure if you’re comfortable with this but could you do toji taking care of his bratty gf that’s on their period? no pressure especially if you’re not comfortable! thank you so much! <33

Oh, dw anon, I'm totally comfortable writing this kind of stuff, but thanks for checking with me tho c: Didn't know what approach to go with this, but felt like fluff would be the best fit (since ik not everyone's into period sex; perhaps an idea I can go back on later *shrugs*). Please enjoy, and I hope you like this! ♡ Also, this is 3 for 3 on the request streak, holy shit haha! Cw: Toji x fem!reader - fluff - Toji trying to be a good bf and lowkey domestic - the reader is a lil whiny, but Toji still loves you - tummy massages!! - some light-hearted comedy; reader trying to annoy Toji lol - pet names (baby, sweetie, princess) - just you and Toji being a couple :3 Wc: 1.1k

"Toji?"

The man hums but doesn't turn to you, watching the television from the floor while you lay on the couch.

You try again. "Tojiiiiii~"

He rolls his eyes at your sing-song attitude, finally turning to your face. "Yeah, baby?"

"Would you please add more water to the kettle for me? My water bottle's getting cold, and my feet hurt."

With a huff, he gets up and walks to the kitchen. "Sure thing, sweetie." You hum into your couch pillow while wiggling on the water bag you're lying on, taking in whatever's left of the lukewarm storage bottle.

Today has been quite a busy day on your end. Amid two midterms, a group project, and a paper due at 11:45 p.m. tomorrow, you still have work to do today. And to top it all off, your period started two days ago, meaning you're suffering as of now. Not only is stress from college drowning you, but your body makes the pressure tenfold more painful to the point of wanting to shut down.

This is why you've spent your Friday afternoon cooped in your apartment and avoided talking with or seeing anyone, trying to focus on your work while dealing with your personal predicament. Especially texting your boyfriend, Toji, that you won't be able to see him for dinner at his favorite ramen place.

Nevertheless, the older man comes knocking on your door with a bag full of your favorites from the restaurant, saying he'll just spend the night with you at your place and help with whatever you need. Though you tried to decline his offer, his company has been very comforting.

However, since he came here with sincere intentions, you want to test his patience. With a cheeky smile pulling your lips, you start your act.

You hear Toji press the button to heat the water up, his heavy steps prominent of his return to you in the living space. He plops back down on his place on the floor, leaning against the couch you're lying on and putting his attention back on the TV.

Well, he tries to.

"Tojiiii~," You see the rise and fall of his shoulder sync with the heavy exhale escaping through his nose. Giggles are stifled, but your smile is wide when he looks back at you with one brow scrunched down.

A stern "What?" is thrown in your direction.

A tiny giggle slips out. "Can you please massage my tummy?"

He looks dead at your face before he scoffs. "Do I look like your personal maid or somethin'?"

"No, you're my wonderful, handsome, and caring boyfriend," You bring a foot up to tap his shoulder, to which Toji grumbles. To his dismay, you continue to tease him with your poking. "As a caring boyfriend, you should attend to your lady when she is in insufferable pain."

"Poke me with your toes again, and I'll chew 'em off." Okay, that's when you stop pestering the older man, holding in your laughter as he scowls with a devilish smirk. Another huff of air exits his lungs before he gets up from his spot once again, and you reposition yourself for him to sit on the couch facing you. He places the water bottle on the floor. "You got your own hands, doncha?"

"Of course, but I asked for your hands." He glares at you though you pay it no mind, lifting your shirt to pat your stomach. "Now, massage me!"

Toji shakes his head yet lifts his hands and places them on your exposed abdomen, calloused and scarred fingers squeezing your plush skin. "So annoyin', ya fuckin' brat." You blow a raspberry. "I shoulda stayed at the ramen joint."

"Pfft, please, you know you don't go there alone anymore. Might've gotten bored and brought yourself here regardless." You close your eyes and sink into the feeling of the man's fingers rubbing your stomach.

He only replies with a small 'hmph' and continues with the task thrown onto him.

This continues for a few moments, and you enjoy the man's hands roaming your belly. His palms and fingers' rough yet gentle manner makes you feel like the cramps are no longer a problem. It feels so pleasant. Curious, you open an eye to stare at the man before you.

The look on Toji's face displays nothing but pure focus, looking at his work as he massages you. Raven bangs cast shade from the ceiling lights. The man had soft emerald eyes, yet keen as they zero in on your physique as he skilfully kneads your abdomen with his digits. His lips are kept in a neutral line, and you can't help but look at his scar when he licks his teeth.

The more you examine him, the more you realize just how lucky you are to see this side of him. And maybe how lucky you are to have such a man deal with you even during times like this.

"Whatcha lookin' at me for, princess?"

Toji's gruff voice snaps you back, realizing he caught you surveying him. A grin dashed on his face. You decide to toy with him one more time. "Oh, Tojiiiii."

The smirk immediately disappears, replaced with a look that screams mild annoyance. You let out a burst of laughter, rocking your head back and forth and laughing harder every time you peer back at his face. "Fucking what now, ya damn brat?" He doesn't try to hide the irritation in his voice, and you can feel him glare holes into you while you laugh into your hands.

You calm yourself down, speaking in chuckles. "You know I love you, right?

"Shut the hell up." Not a single change to his face.

"No, I—pfffthaha," giggles escape your lips as you try to center yourself to speak appropriately, placing your hands on his big ones that rest atop your tummy. "I mean it, I really do! I appreciate you coming here and dealing with me and my whiny ass. If you hadn't been here, I'd probably be rotting in my bed right about now. I love you, so thank you for watching out for me."

Toji's face slowly molds away from his peeved expression, now relaxed and exhibitng a look of slight astonishment. You can make out a tiny shade of pink under his eyes and earlobes, yet you choose not to point it out to showcase your seriousness with a loving smile. He scoffs, shakes his head, and leans close to your face.

"You're somethin' else, ya know that, kid?" He flicks your forehead, resulting in you groaning from the diminutive mistreatment. But he quickly places a kiss when you're done squirming from the pain. "I love ya too, baby. Always."

You beam at him. "Even when I'm whiny?"

Finally, he laughs. "Yeah, even when yr' whiny. My whiny, annoyin', cute-ass princess."

"I said whiny, not annoying."

"Whatever." The two of you exchange laughs and kisses on the couch, completely disregarding your assignments and the kettle ready with hot water. It doesn't matter nor compare with the adoration you experience from him right now, so you indulge yourself for as long as you can.

[s1k0zu]

Hey everyone,

While I was a bit (okay a lot) late to board the Austin train, once I did, I fell HARD. Before I saw him in Dune II, I knew about him, but never thought to take a second look.

Then I saw Dune and I still can't get Austin's performance out of my head. He was amazing! 😍

I've devoured everything I can find with him since then, and I've been reading a lot of fan fiction lately, and a scene has been playing on repeat in my mind, so I decided to write it down.

I love all the Feyd fics but I find myself wanting more of Austin and less of Feyd (he's just a bit too intense and I kinda miss the hair). So I came up with the idea below.

Let me know if you liked it and if you want me to try writing about something else. 🫣

Fair warning ⚠️ I've never written any fiction before, so this will probably be a mess...and it's maybe a bit too long.

🔞 It's pure smut, so minors stay away!

Under his skin

You and Austin have been together since before his Elvis movie.

You'd met when you were teenagers and became fast friends, but until you had to spend two weeks locked together in his apartment in Australia, because of the pandemic, that was all you were - friends.

You'd visited him for the weekend and then the lockdown forced you to stay.

The tension between the two of you had started escalating gradually, until one night he couldn't resist kissing you any longer. All it took was that one kiss and you were his forever.

You started getting jobs in the crew of all of his projects so you could stay together, which is why you're now in Budapest on the set of Dune II.

It's early morning and it's already as hot as hell. Add to that the giant sound box you've been setting up, so Austin can film his fight scenes in it later, and you're close to fainting.

You haven't seen Austin in two months, because he was busy training in L.A. and you were on location in Jordan with the rest of the cast.

You flew in with the night flight, dropped your bags at his place and went straight to set. He was already there, getting into costume, and you didn't have the time to see him.

Once you're done setting up and finally have some free time you head to his trailer to surprise him and wish him luck.

You open the door and cool air hits your face. Then you see him and you're sure the chill running down your body isn't from the AC.

He's gloriously naked, a black loincloth is all that covers his body. They've painted his torso with black lines and he's got his bald cap already in place. You've seen him in full costume before, but only in photos. This hits differently.

There's something feral and imposing about him and it's doing things to you. Gone is the sweet, gentle Austin you know and in his place is a man who exudes power and dominance.

His body is pure perfection and you know how hard he worked to get here.

"Hey, Earth to y/n. Are you ok?" Austin's voice comes through the fog.

"Yeah", you sigh, "It's just..."

"What?", he asks, a sly smirk forming on his lips.

"Let's just say if you weren't about to shoot, I'd be ruining your makeup right now", you say, raking your gaze over his gorgeous naked body.

"Fuck", he mutters and steps toward you, biting his lower lip, his eyes darkening with want.

"Ah, ah", you stop him, placing a hand on his chest, "makeup."

"Damn you woman! How am I supposed to focus now?", he asks brushing a stray hair behind your ear.

"Hey, I'm not the one wearing next to nothing here," you tell him, "and you're not the only one having a hard time focusing."

You brush your lips against his and his hands instantly grip your face as he deepens the kiss. All the frustration of not being able to touch each other for the past two months melts as your tongues dance frantically, fighting for dominance.

"I'll make you a deal," you say, panting, "you go slay them with your talent and we can come back here during the lunch break, to finish this."

"Deal", he says huskily in your ear, melting you with his beautiful voice.

A crew member comes in to call him to set and breaks the tension before you two can go any further.

You watch him perform, always in awe of his ability to switch between himself and the character in seconds. You busy yourself with work and bringing him water bottles and towels between takes, and just like that the hours go by and it's time for lunch.

"I can't wait to take this thing off my head. I'm sweating like a pig," Austin says, taking a towel from your hands. He's been doing fighting scenes for the past hour and he's in full combat get up.

"I'll stick around to help with the set. Text me when you're done and we can take a shower," you say, walking your fingers playfully up his chest. You lean up to give him a quick kiss but he grabs your waist to keep you there, turning it into a steamy makeout session.

"I've missed you so much," Austin breathes out, his forehead touching yours.

"I've missed you too," you say, tilting his head lower to kiss his nose.

You disengage and he heads to his trailer so the makeup team can remove his bold cap.

A while later you get a text from Austin:

R u coming? We had a deal remember?

You mutter an excuse and head towards his trailer, willing yourself not to run.

#

When you enter, you see him running a hand through his wet hair, the bald cap gone. He still hasn't removed his costume.

"Want some help with that my lord", you ask, starting to unzip the back of his wetsuit.

When he hears you call him that Austin feels a shiver run down his body. He turns and wraps his arms around you.

"Say that again," he growls.

His eyes are dark with desire and you swear you can see Feyd still lurking in the background, ready to pounce.

"You should play the bad guy more often. It's a good look on you...my lord."

"Yeah? Wanna show me just how much you like it?"

You grip his neck, fingers tangled in his hair, and kiss him long and hard, your tongues fighting for dominance. You bite his lip when he pulls away and the groan that escapes from his throat sets your whole body on fire.

He returns the favour by placing kisses on your jaw and down your neck. When he reaches your collarbone he gives it a bite in just the right spot, making heat pool between your legs.

You lean into him, feeling his erection against you and bite his earlobe, whispering into his ear: "I want you inside me."

Austin's hands tighten on your ass and he gives you a smouldering look. His blue eyes are dark with desire as he dives in to kiss you again.

You start undressing each other frantically, hands running all over, tongues locked in a dizzying dance. The room fills with the sounds of heavy breathing, your moans, Austin's groans and wet kisses.

He grabs you by the hand and pulls you into the shower.

You're both panting while he turns around to fidget with the water tap. You admire his naked body while he adjusts the temperature. He's a work of art - all lean muscle chiselled to perfection.

Your eyes travel down his chest to the trail of hair under his belly button and between his thighs and the sizeable erection he's got. His penis is perfect: a round red tip, its length marbled by veins. You can't wait to taste it and feel it inside you.

You can't believe he's yours.

"My eyes are up here, gorgeous", Austin's amused voice brings you out of your dazed wet dream.

"And what a sight they are," you smile up at him.

After seeing you standing gloriously naked before him, raking your lust-filled stare over his body, Austin can't hold himself back any longer.

His hands come up to grab your face and he bends down to devour you. As the kiss deepens, Austin's hands travel down your body, lingering on your breasts. He pinches one of your nipples and you moan into his mouth.

He breaks the kiss to look at you.

Before you can answer he bends down and licks your neck, slowly descending to your left nipple.

"Fuck you're gorgeous. I can't wait to be inside you."

You start kissing his neck, his chest, his abs, your hands trailing down to his hips. His skin tastes salty from the sweat. You kneel in front of him and lick his length slowly, feeling the veins with your tongue. He lets out a groan and braces himself against the tiled wall.

You place tiny nibbles on the head, squeezing his balls, teasing him. He shudders in ecstasy as you swallow as much of his length as you can and start moving your head up and down slowly.

"Fuck, y/n, you have to stop or I'll come...," Austin pants on top of you. You speed up your pace, locking eyes with him.

Seeing you kneeling before him, your mouth on him, looking at him like that drives him over the edge. Austin comes with a groan and you feel his seed spill into your throat. You take him out of your mouth and give the head a little kiss.

"You taste so fucking good every time," you say standing up.

Austin grabs your cheeks and gives you a rough kiss.

"You have no idea how hot you look on your knees, do you?"

When one of his hands sneaks between your legs and he rubs his fingers on your clit you feel a jolt run over your whole body and you can't stop the moan coming out of your mouth.

Austin hears you moan, hands digging into his back and throws caution away - he bites down hard on your nipple, sliding his fingers into you.

"Fuck Austin", is all you can say, your mind going blank with pleasure. You don't know what's gotten into him, but you love this new, dangerous and dominant side he's showing you.

Austin places wet kisses and nibbles all over your breasts and stomach, pumping his fingers into you. You writhe in his arms, hands tugging his hair.

When his mouth descends on your clit you moan loudly. He bites it and then licks the sore spot, curling his fingers inside you. This sends jolts of electricity all over your body and you feel yourself coming, nails digging into his hair.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you," he says, voice hoarse from lust. You can feel his hard length pressing against your entrance.

Austin groans in pleasure when he hears you moan his name, the pain from your nails digging into his scalp sending bolts of pleasure straight to his groin.

He gets up, grabs your hips and lifts you, your back against the tiled wall.

You look at his soft, puffy lips and can't help kissing him again. Austin groans and slips his tongue into your mouth, making you dizzy.

When he finally breaks the kiss to look at you, you see the passion burning in his eyes, but there's something else there too - something feral. You realise he hasn't shaken Feyd off completely.

That sparks something in you, emboldens you.

"Have your way with me, my lord na-Baron. I'm all yours", you say, threading your fingers through his hair and pulling on it, your hips bucking into him.

Hearing you say that, something in Austin snaps. He can't think anymore, all he knows is that he wants to be inside you, now.

With a quiet growl he bends down to crash his lips into yours, sliding into you in one swift move.

You can't help the cry that comes out of your mouth when he slams into you. You were already wet, but he's big.

The sharp pain quickly turns into intense pleasure as he starts thrusting into you with abandon. You can feel every vein on his hard length as he's stretching you and filling you in the best way.

You've been together for years and every time he enters you feels like the first time. It's like your bodies are pieces of the same puzzle. The feel of him inside you is divine.

Austin doesn't wait for you to adjust to his size, he couldn't even if he wanted to. He's possessed by the desire to be inside you, to own you. He picks up his pace, slamming into you, his teeth leaving red marks all over your neck and shoulders. His left hand is moulded to your thigh, his right squeezing your breast.

You've never seen him like this, so forceful and primal, and you realise you love it. As the pain shoots through the pleasure you find yourself coming, trying not to scream. You mould your lips to Austin's to stifle your moans and that just spurs him on. He continues to slam into you, balls-deep, throughout your climax.

After a while, Austin comes to his senses and realises he's too rough, he's hurting you. Just as he slows down his pace, releasing you from his grip, he hears you say:

"No, don't hold back. I want you to lose control. Ravage me."

He looks into your eyes, making sure he didn't just imagine that, and sees only carnal desire and love there. He can't believe you're his.

"Fuck, I love you," he whispers.

You smile and bite his neck hard. The little control he'd managed to take back shatters. Austin slips out of you so he can turn you around, your back towards him, and slams back into you.

One of his hands travels to your neck and squeezes, the other goes to your nipple.

This angle helps him sink even deeper inside you. The sensation is almost too much and you feel the waves of another orgasm coming. Sex with Austin is always great but this is different. He's lost all control and given in to his desire, and you fucking love it.

Austin feels your walls clenching around him and he knows you're close. The hand around your throat tightens as he moves his other hand from your breast to your clit, running his fingers in agonisingly slow circles, and right before you come he inserts two fingers in.

The feeling of his fingers and his hard length inside you is too much and you trip over the edge, your whole body shaking. You claw at his neck and bury your fingers into his hair as he swallows your moans with a kiss when you both come.

You've never seen this side of him before. He's always so protective of you, so gentle. You realise he's been holding himself back, afraid to lose control and hurt you.

He looks at you apprehensively and you smile at him, tugging him close so you can wrap your hands around his neck and give him a slow, tender kiss.

For a while the only sounds in the shower are the running water and your heavy breathing as you're both coming down from your highs.

Eventually, Austin lets you go and eases out of you with a groan. Your legs are shaking as you lean onto the tile wall while he turns around to adjust the showerhead.

He melts into you, relieved you're okay.

You disengage and proceed with your shower, washing each other's hair and bodies, placing soft kisses here and there.

When you're done, Austin stops the water. He swaddles you in a huge fluffy towel, picks you up and carries you to the bed.

He lies next to you on his side, head propped up, facing you, tiny droplets of water running down his face and torso.

"I'm sorry", he says quietly, giving you a sad puppy look and caressing your face.

"For what? Giving me multiple orgasms?"

"No..." he laughs and then falls silent.

"I hurt you. I don't know what came over me."

"Not what, who. You've still got some of Feyd lurking in the background," you say a soft smile playing on your lips.

"That's not an excuse y/n. I should've stopped...I should've..." he trails off, looking remorseful.

"I don't know if you noticed Butler but I liked it. A lot", you lift his head so he can look at you.

"I'm not made of china you know. Promise me you'll stop holding back on me. This was fucking amazing."

"Yeah it was, wasn't it," he says, finally relaxing, "Okay, but on one condition: you promise to tell me if I cross the line."

"Deal," you say and mould your lips over his.

[flower-boi16]

I think what's actually alarming about Helluva Boss and Vivziepop is that the shower suffers from heavy creator-fan enmeshment, and the writers/Vivziepop don't see themselves as the problem for it. It's like they see themselves as the victims, too, while encouraging their fandom's toxic mindset and behaviors.

The writers/Vivziepop are not only too entangled with their fans, but they're THINKING like fan artists/fanfic writers instead of actually making a show. There's a difference between writers of a show and fanfic writing. When you take up the mantel to create a show you have to carry yourself in a way and write your show with a point otherwise you end up with shows like Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel, Miraculous Lady Bug, SVFOE, SPOP, and other shows that fall into that category. Some of them focus more on the shipping than the point of their show to begin with.

What makes a good show is having that distinction or maintaining that professionalism. Creators of shows should NEVER let themselves sink into the cesspool of their Fandoms because they should be focused on their story/message instead of all this shipping/woobing bullshit.

TLDR: Helluva Boss never had potential with VivziePop holding the reigns to begin with. It's too disorganized and unfocused, and with the Fan Enmeshment, it was never going to grow or expand from its fanfic-y feeling. If the creator of the show never grew up, we should never expect the show to grow, too.

Though it is a shame since it could have been charming, had someone more professional taken the show.

Viv definitely was never cut out to handle a big project like this. I’ve said this many times before, but ya, Viv writes like a fanfic writer; everything with how messy the structuring of how her shows is and how poorly they are planned makes me think this.

It reminds me of when I tried to make my first fanfic and just went in without a plan with how to structure it which led to me just abandoning it early on. Viv writes like that.

She didn't listen to criticism of her Zoophobia comic and she still isn’t listing here. She shifted the focus of HB away from the premise to shipping nonsense and now we have this weird mess of a show that doesn’t even know what it wants to be anymore.

Season 2 seems to prioritize relationship drama over the actual premise which caused the show’s downfall. Hazbin feels a bit less fan-ficy but it’s still very messy.

Viv just crams too much shit into too little time which results in the pacing being awful. She paces her shows like a fan fic writer. It feels like she only came In with a small understanding of how show running works and jumped right into the industry because she was excited to show off her gizzalion OCs she had since high school.

Everything about HH/HB feels amateur. I really think that before you get into storytelling you need to actually study how to create good stories, like there are YouTube videos out there you could watch for free that give a run down of what is good or bad writing.

You don’t need to spend 20+ in school to be a good writer but you need to have a basic understanding of how to even write your ideas before you start making stories…which Viv clearly does not.

HB Season 2 in general doesn’t feel like a natural continuation of the first season. It feels like a fan-fic written by a fan after season 1 ended posted on wattpad that the show runners decided to animate and voice into a full season.

Viv should have learned how to run a show before jumping into something as ambitious as this, but she didn’t, and look at what we got.

[fibula-rasa]

Cosplay the Classics: Nazimova in Salomé (1922)—Part 1

My cosplay of Nazimova as Salomé

The Importance of Being Peter: Nazimova’s Take on Wilde

With over two decades of professional acting experience behind her (six on the “shadow stage” of silent cinema), Alla Nazimova went independent. She was one of the highest paid stars in Hollywood at the start of 1922 when her contract with Metro ended. Almost exclusively using her own savings, Nazimova founded a new production company and immediately got to work on two films that reflected both a deep understanding of her own fan base and a faith in the American filmgoer’s appreciation for art.

Discourse around these films and their productions that have emerged in the century since their release are often peppered with over-simplifications or a lack of perspective. Focus is understandably placed on Salomé, as her first project, A Doll’s House (1922), has not survived. In part one of this series, I plan to contextualize Nazimova’s decision to commit Wilde’s drama to celluloid and examine the details of the adaptation. Then, in part two, I will cover how Salomé (and A Doll’s House) fits into the industry trends and the emergent studio system in the early 1920s.

While the full essay and more photos are available below the jump, you may find it easier to read (formatting-wise) on the wordpress site. Either way, I hope you enjoy the read!

Wilde’s Salomé: The Basics

Salomé was a one-act drama written by Oscar Wilde. In a creative challenge to himself, Salomé was one of Wilde’s first plays and he chose to write in French, which he did not have as complete a mastery of as of English. Wilde was directly inspired by the Flaubert story “Herodias,” which was, in turn, inspired by the short story which appears twice in the New Testament. The play was later translated into English and published with illustrations by artist Aubrey Beardsley. Wilde’s play was the basis of the opera of the same name by Richard Strauss. While both the opera and the play had been staged numerous times across Europe and in New York before Nazimova’s adaptation, Strauss’ opera was the main reference point for the story in the popular imagination of the time. The success of Strauss’ opera led to the popularization of the Dance of the Seven Veils and the accepted interpretation of the character as a classic femme fatale.

My cosplay of Nazimova as Salomé

Nazimova’s Salomé: The Basics

When Nazimova announced her production of Salomé, she did so assured that she and Natacha Rambova, her art director, had a unique and creatively compelling interpretation of the story to warrant adaptation. Nazimova was not only the star and producer of Salomé, she adapted it from its source herself under her pen name Peter M. Winters. (Cheekily, contemporary interviews and profiles joke that “Peter” is one of her common nicknames.) Charles Bryant, credited as director, was as much the director of the film as he was Nazimova’s husband, which is to say, he is not known to have contributed much at all. It’s now accepted fact that Bryant acted as a professional beard (Bryant and Nazimova were also never legally married). The choice to credit Bryant was to offset the heat Nazimova was getting in the press at the time for “taking on too much.” Having Bryant’s name in the credits was a protective measure. Charles Van Enger was a talented, up-and-coming cinematographer who had been recommended to Nazimova following the inadequate cinematography of her Metro films.

Rambova was in charge of the art direction, set designs, costumes, and makeup. Nazimova and Rambova had become close artistic collaborators after Nazimova hired Rambova to design the fantasy sequence for her film Billions (1920, presumed lost). [You can learn more about Rambova’s career here.] Both women valued their work above all else. Both were convinced that film could be art. Both had the gumption to believe that they could make a lasting mark on cinema’s recognition as a legitimate medium of artistic expression.* (Spoiler: even though Salomé was not an unqualified box-office success, they were right.)

Photo of the Salomé crew from Exhibitors Herald, 29 April 1922. Original caption: Nazimova ordered this picture taken that she might be reminded of the real pleasure encountered in every stage of the production of “Salome.” Top, left to right: Monroe Bennett, laboratory; Charles Bryant, director; Mildred Early, secretary; John DePalma, assistant director. Second row: Sam Zimbalist, cutter; Natacha Rambova, art director; Charles J. Van Enger, cameraman; the star; R. W. McFarland, manager. Front row: Neal Jack, electrician; Paul Ivano, cameraman; Lewis Wilson, cameraman.

Nazimova’s independence was at least partly spurred on by feeling creatively bereft from her work at Metro. In a 1926 interview with Adela Rogers St. Johns, Nazimova said:

“You asked me why I made ‘Salome.’ Well—’Salome’ was a purgative. […] It seems impossible now that I should ever have been asked to play such parts as ‘The Heart of a Child’ and ‘Billions.’ But I was. And instead of saying, ‘No. I will not play such trash. I will not play roles so wholely [sic] unsuited to me in every way,’ I went on and played them because of my contract, and they ruined me. “WORSE than that, they [made] me sick with myself. So I did ‘Salome’ as a purgative. I wanted something so different, so fanciful, so artistic, that it would take the taste out of my mouth. ‘Salome’ was my protest against cheap realism. Maybe it was a mistake. But—I had to do it. It was not a mistake for me, myself.”

Given that Nazimova now had full creative freedom, outside of the confines of the Hollywood film factory, why were A Doll’s House and Salomé the first works she gravitated towards?

Initially, Nazimova had conceived of a “repertoire” concept for her productions: one shorter production (A Doll’s House) and one feature-length production (Salomé), which could be distributed and exhibited together. Once production was underway for ADH, Nazimova instead chose to make it a feature. The reasons for this decision that I found in contemporary sources are purely creative, but I don’t think it’s too much of a presumption that this may have been a financial choice, as profits from ADH (which unfortunately wouldn’t materialize—more on that in part two!) could have been cycled into Salomé’s production.

Ibsen was not popular source material for the silent screen, but Nazimova’s name and career was forever tied to the playwright as she is considered the actress who brought Ibsen to the US. (Minnie Maddern Fiske starred in a production of Hedda Gabbler in the US before Nazimova, however it failed to raise the profile of the writer.) Nazimova’s stage productions of Ibsen’s work proved that there was an audience for it in the US—both in New York and on tour. Superficially, ADH might seem like a risky proposition, but Nazimova had good reason to believe it had both artistic and box office potential. (Again, I’ll delve into why it might not have found its audience in part two.)

Nazimova as Nora in A Doll’s House

Though ADH is now lost, we know from surviving materials that Nazimova understood that by 1922 The New Woman archetype was already becoming passé to the post-war/post-pandemic generation of young women. Nazimova endeavored to translate the play in a way that would resonate with 1920s American womanhood. (How well she succeeded is lost to time unless we are lucky enough to recover a copy of the film.) Likewise, Nazimova approached her adaptation of Salomé with a keen eye for the concerns of modern independent women.

——— ——— ———

*Incidentally, both women also had a personal connection to Wilde. Nazimova was a close friend and colleague of Elizabeth Marbury, who worked as Wilde’s agent. Rambova spent summers at her aunt’s (Elsie de Wolfe) villa in France where she lived with her longtime partner, Marbury.

My cosplay of Nazimova as Salomé

The Adolescence of Salome

In the decade following the end of the First World War, there was a great cultural shift for women in America, who experienced and pursued greater independence in society—particularly young and/or unmarried women. This quality was emblematized in the Flappers and the Jazz Babies, but even women who didn’t participate in these subcultures lived lifestyles removed from “home and family” ideals of the past. The lifestyle change was mirrored aesthetically. As Frederick Lewis Allen describes in Only Yesterday: An Informal History of the 1920s:

“These changes in fashion—the short skirt, the boyish form, the straight, long-waisted dresses, the frank use of paint—were signs of a real change in the American feminine ideal (as well, perhaps, as in men’s idea of what was the feminine ideal). […] the quest of slenderness, the flattening of the breasts, the vogue of short skirts (even when short skirts still suggested the appearance of a little girl), the juvenile effect of the long waist,—all were signs that, consciously or unconsciously, the women of this decade worshiped not merely youth, but unripened youth […] Youth was their pattern, but not youthful innocence: the adolescent whom they imitated was a hard-boiled adolescent, who thought not in terms of romantic love, but in terms of sex, and who made herself desirable not by that sly art that conceals art, but frankly and openly.”*

Allen’s summary of youthful womanhood in the 1920s resounds so clearly in the character design and performance of Nazimova’s Salomé, it’s apparent that she and Rambova were thoroughly informed by contemporary trends around young/independent women. Belén Ruiz Garrido puts it succinctly in her great essay on the film “Besare tu boca, Iokanaan. Arte y experiencia cinematografica en Salomé de Alla Nazimova:”

“Las concomitancias con la flapper o la it girl de los felices años veinte son evidentes. Se muestra mimosa, pero su seducción es como un juego de niña. / The similarities with the flapper or the it girl of the roaring twenties are obvious. She performs affection, but her seduction is like child’s play.” (translation mine)

Nazimova was also fully conscious that her fanbase was predominantly female and that she held significant appeal for younger women. From the moment she signed her first American theatrical contract with Lee Shubert, Nazimova’s status as a queer idol was already being established.

“The women… were enthusiastic about [Nazimova]… [At the hotel, the] ladies’ entrance was always crowded with women waiting for her to return from the theatre. It is much better that she should be exclusive and meet no one if possible. They regard her as a mystery. And there are other damned good reasons besides this one.”  – citation: A. H. Canby to Lee Shubert, December 29, 1908**

While women, particularly middle-class women, were emerging as a prominent consumer group in the US, Nazimova’s popularity peaked on stage and on screen. Arriving in Hollywood, Nazimova also continued her trend of surrounding herself socially and professionally with other queer women. Profiles and interviews of Nazimova in the Hollywood press often contained coded language about her queerness as a wink and nudge, usually but not always accompanied by mention of her “husband” Charles Bryant.

This well-developed understanding of her primary fanbase led her to break from popular presentations of the character as an embodiment of monstrous feminine sensuality. Instead, Nazimova chose to present the character as an adolescent. While Nazimova was the first to put this read on the character on film, Marcella Craft chose an adolescent interpretation in a production Strauss’ opera in Munich and Hedwig Reicher was a teenager when she assayed the role and played it accordingly (also in Germany). (Maybe not insignificantly, Reicher was also working in Hollywood at the time of Salomé’s production.)***

This is the American pop culture landscape we’re talking about here, so of course women’s independence was rapidly codified for capitalization. Young women were moralized at for not conforming to traditional gender roles while simultaneously being framed as sexually desirable in order to sell consumer goods (including motion pictures!). The American way. It’s hard to not see social commentary in Nazimova’s reworking of this icon of wanton femininity for a new generation.

This isn’t to suggest that Nazimova’s Salomé glorifies the character, but rather that making Salomé a teen adds layers of complexity to the production. Considering it in conversation with her predecessors, Salomé isn’t even named in the New Testament stories. Flaubert built out the character with 19th century concerns in mind (though his story is more about Herod & Herodias) and Wilde shifted even more focus to Salomé. Nazimova continued that trend with her version of Salomé—an impetuous child too young and ill-equipped to constructively deal with the horrible environment she was brought up in. (Might that resonate with a generation of young people disillusioned by a World War and a pandemic?)

As Nazimova/Peter wrote in the opening intertitles to the film:

“It is at this point that the drama opens, revealing Salome who yet remains an uncontaminated blossom in a wilderness of evil.

“Though still innocent, Salome is a true daughter of her day, heiress to its passions and its cruelties. She kills the thing she loves; she loves the thing she kills, yet in her soul there shines the glimmer of the Light and she sets forth gladly into the Unknown to solve the puzzle of her own words——”

My cosplay of Nazimova as Salomé

As Salomé was an experiment in pantomime for screen acting, it’s worthwhile to look at how Nazimova embodies this image of youth in her performance. In the first scenes, Salomé’s facial expressions are pouty and her movements like a bored child’s. Her wig emphasizes every movement she makes with a flurry of pearls and creates a neotenous silhouette for the character. When denied access to Jokanaan, her facial expressions are imperious, but the imperiousness of a spoiled child. She swings on the bars imprisoning Jokanaan as if they are a jungle gym. As she “charms” Narraboth, her expressions and body language shift toward a scheming energy with barely concealed artifice, displaying a distinct lack of sophistication—like she’s trying to angle a second serving of ice cream not exacting a favor of a servant that could cost his life.

Perhaps most crucially, Salomé’s adolescence emphasizes the inappropriateness of men’s gaze upon her. Wilde’s drama is built around rhythmic repetition in the dialogue—a key repetition being the act of looking. Though the play is only one act, some form of “regarder” in relation to Salomé is repeated nineteen times—most often in some form of “don’t look at her” or “you shouldn’t look at her that way.” As Salomé is a silent film, to repeat this in intertitles nineteen times in intertitles would be absurd. Throughout the film, frequent close ups are strategically employed to visually recreate the rhythmic emphasis on gazing. (The purpose of this device seems to have been lost on one reviewer for Exhibitors Herald who said in his review: ”too many close ups.”) Additionally, the motif is foregrounded by front-loading the mentions of looking. As soon as the opening narration ends, we’re introduced to Herod behaving lecherously toward Salomé and Herodias telling him not to look at her. The perversity of Herod is amplified here because Salomé is not only his niece and his step-daughter, but also a child. This scene is followed by Narraboth and the page having a similar interaction, albeit with a different tone.

As Nazimova put it herself in a profile in Close-Up magazine:

“The men about her are obnoxious; they cannot even look upon her decently. She loathes them all. Even the Syrian [Narraboth] whose approach is of all the most respectful and decorous, is of his times and his love is tempered with the alloy of lust.”

In the film, Salomé’s rage against Herod is justified, and her rage against Jokanaan is a raw confusion of emotions—she doesn’t have the capacity to act constructively. When the first unfortunate man commits suicide over her, she barely takes notice, establishing Salome’s blasé attitude toward death. When the second man takes his life this time directly in front of her, Salomé only notices after almost tripping on his body. Her response is giving the body an annoyed kick for tripping her! The key phrase of the drama is “The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death.” Salomé is surrounded by death, enveloped by it, but love (of any kind) is unknown to her until Jokanaan. So, when her love of Jokanaan is rebuked, she reverts to the only response that has been nurtured into her: death.

Nazimova’s Salomé is a perfect surviving example of a quality of her acting described in an uncredited review of Nazimova’s theatrical work:

“If the actress you’re seeing knows what she’s saying but you don’t, it’s Mrs. [Minnie Maddern] Fiske. But if the actress doesn’t know what she is saying and you do, it’s Alla Nazimova.”****

We as viewers understand what Salomé is going through, but she is being psychologically buffeted by fate and circumstance without ever comprehending the nature of it. The tumultuous feelings brought on by Salomé’s first brush with the spiritual (rather than the sexual), launches her into an accelerated ripening of her cruelty. This is masterfully communicated by Nazimova through facial expression and body language and accentuated by Rambova’s costuming.

As Herman Weinberg put it in his essay “The Function of the Actor:”

“The true film crystalizes action for us. ‘To see eternity in a grain of sand,’ the poet said. ‘To see a life cycle in an hour and a half’ is the modern screen parallel.”

Because of the emotional scale of Nazimova’s performance in Salomé, it has been variously described as “bizarre” or “grotesque”—though not always said derogatorily. That’s on point, as Nazimova’s performance is only one expression of her protest against realism in the film.

——— ——— ———

*If you’re interested in the 1920s at all, I highly recommend Allen’s book. The section this quote is from has a detailed survey of changes in American women’s lifestyles throughout the 1920s.

**as quoted in “Alla Nazimova: ‘The Witch of Makeup’” by Robert A. Schanke

***Gavin Lambert’s biography of Nazimova intimates that she referenced the 1917 Tairov production of Wilde’s Salomé, which she reportedly had a detailed description of. Reading about the production for myself in Mark Slonim’s Russian Theatre: from the Empire to the Soviets, I’m not sure what precisely she would have drawn from this production. It doesn’t seem to have much in common with the ‘22 film at all. That said, in a 1923 interview with Malcolm H. Oettinger in Picture-Play Magazine, Nazimova admits that in preparing for the film, she compiled a large scrapbook of previous productions and artistic interpretations of the story and character. Unfortunately, though Lambert clearly did voluminous research for his biography, his presentation and interpretation leaves a lot to be desired. Most of the things I tried to verify or try to find more information on from the book proved to be misrepresentations or were factually incorrect. So, I’m avoiding quoting Lambert without verification, unless what I’m citing is directly taken from a primary source; like a quote from Nazimova’s correspondence.

****quotation is from an uncredited clipping held by the Nazimova archive in Columbus, Georgia as quoted in Gavin Lambert’s biography

Illustration of Nazimova as Salomé by F. Corral from The Story World, March 1923

Nazimova and Rambova’s Modernist Phantasy

The assurance that Rambova and Nazimova felt that they had something new to bring to Salomé was obviously not solely founded in a character interpretation updated for the screen and for the decade. The two crafted a singular work born of pastiche in a manner that genuinely had not been done before in the American film industry. It’s often repeated that Salomé is America’s first art film. This may have its origin in promotional materials* made for the initial release of the film. Before the film’s official release, Bryant, Nazimova, and Paul Ivano (assistant camera & Nazimova’s on-again-off-again lover) arranged preview screenings and a few reviews from those screenings mention in some form that Salomé was a direct retort to the notion that art cannot be made with a camera.

What constituted the Nazimova/Rambova strategy to elevate film to the status of art? Both women had around six years of experience working in film (twelve collectively), but both came from a live performance background—theatrical acting and ballet respectively. Salomé is a film based on a stage play (though not strictly based on any one production of that play). Salomé inherits its symbology (first and foremost the moon) from its source material, but the filmmakers found creative ways of communicating and remixing symbols for the camera. The art design is inspired by Aubrey Beardsley’s illustrations for a printed edition of the play, though Rambova pulled more broadly from art-nouveau to devise designs that are in no way unoriginal.

As for the much discussed Dance of the Seven Veils, in my opinion, Nazimova’s execution is inspired by the dance described in Flaubert’s “Herodias” rather than a previous live performance.

“Again the dancer paused; then, like a flash, she threw herself upon the palms of her hands, while her feet rose straight up into the air. In this bizarre pose she moved about upon the floor like a gigantic beetle; then stood motionless.

“The nape of her neck formed a right angle with her vertebrae. The full silken skirts of pale hues that enveloped her limbs when she stood erect, now fell to her shoulders and surrounded her face like a rainbow. Her lips were tinted a deep crimson, her arched eyebrows were black as jet, her glowing eyes had an almost terrible radiance; and the tiny drops of perspiration on her forehead looked like dew upon white marble.”

Clearly, I’m not implying that what’s described above is exactly what we see on screen. My thought instead is that Nazimova may have drawn inspiration for the dance to be provocative in an uncanny way instead of provocative in a conventionally sensuous way. What we do see on screen is a distinct lack of practiced sensuality and an element of menace. The former comes both from Salomé’s youthfulness and from the logic that, as Salomé has already gotten Herod to give her his word in front of dignitaries, there’s no need for seduction. The latter is brought on by the expression of Salomé’s fractured emotional state and feelings about Herod. In execution, the use of close-ups again serves a major purpose. Intercutting close-up reactions from those gathered at the court provides a crescendo to the motif of looking, which is then pivotally reversed in the kiss scene. Cutting to close-ups of Salomé’s face accents the ecstatic and maniacal quality of the dance. Together this variation of shots creates an effect that could only work on film.

Salomé has a significant appreciation for its non-cinematic antecedents, but filtered through the prism of Nazimova’s and Rambova’s own creative strengths and sensibilities—a melding of theater and graphic art into something not only fresh but also totally cinematic.

It speaks to their filmmaking skill that all of these ideas and influences do in fact come together as a cohesive yet wholly unconventional film. Some critics of Salomé (both contemporary and modern) will cite vague notions of theatricality, or state that the film is only a series of tableaux, or that the limited sets don’t depart enough from a stage presentation. Art is in the eye of the beholder, but I think whether those specific elements preclude Salomé from being cinematic is a matter of perspective.

The oversized, stylized nature of Salomé’ssets might at first register as theatrical, but those same sets also serve to amp up the anti-real nature of the film. It’s uncharitable to Rambova to suggest that this artificiality was not a conscious artistic decision. If you have seen the sequences she designed with Mitchell Leisen for De Mille’s Forbidden Fruit (1921) then you have seen her demonstrated understanding of how designs register on camera. The gorgeously executed lighting effects in Salomé that are employed to to sublimate tone shifts could feasibly be recreated in a theatrical setting, here, filtered through the camera of Van Enger, register as thoroughly cinematic.

To once again quote “The Function of the Actor” by Weinberg:

“In nine movies out of ten (most particularly those emanating from the film factories of Hollywood), the actors stand around and talk to each other, relieved only by periodic bursts of someone going in or out of a doorway. (Sixty percent of the action in the average Hollywood movie consists of people going in and out of doors.) […] 

“The actor going through a doorway may be a necessary device on the stage, to get him on and off. But Pudovkin has made a neat distinction between the realities of stage and screen: ‘The film assembles the elements of reality to build from them a new reality proper to itself; and the laws of time and space that, in sets and footage of the stage are fixed and fast, are in the film entirely altered.’ On the stage, that is, an event seems to occur in the same length of time it would occupy in life. On the screen, however, the camera records only the significant parts of the event, and so the filmic time is shorter than the real time of the event.”

Weinberg cites Pudovkin in an amusing but illustrative way here. People may throw “overly theatrical” or “stagey” casually, but more often than not the distinction between theatrical/cinematic comes down to how space and time is traversed. Even if the base material, a narrative drama for example, is shared between stage and screen, there should be a thoughtful construction of geography and chronology. Could Salomé have played more creatively with space? Perhaps. But, for a film made in early 1922, its creative geography isn’t all that uninventive. The majority of the action in Salomé takes place exclusively on one set, so it does rely a lot on the types of comings and goings that Weinberg identifies with theatre. That said, there are some comings and goings that forcefully pull the audience away from the feeling of stagey-ness. The most consequential occurs in the scene with the first suicide, which I previously mentioned in the context of developing Salomé‘s character and environment. The man runs to the ledge of the courtyard, beholds the moon, and leaps. Cut to a wide, back-lit shot of the figure plunging to nowhere, establishing that the city above the clouds depicted in the art titles and opening credits is the actual physical location that film is taking place in. It’s a genuinely startling moment in the film and Salomé’s most evocative use of creative geography.

The majority of legitimate critical appraisal at the time of Salomé’s release recognize it as an achievement in film art, even highlighting artsiness as a potential selling point. As art cinemas started popping up in the US, Salomé stayed in circulation. Appreciation grew. Legends emerged around its production. And, now one hundred years later, it’s safe to say that Salomé has earned and kept its place as a fixture of the history of film art. As we are lucky enough to have the complete film to watch, assess, reassess, and debate its qualities as a work of cinematic art, I’m positive that conversation on Salomé will continue. 

So, if Salomé was appreciated in its time, why did it ruin and bankrupt Nazimova? What was going on in the American film industry at the time? Find out in part two!

“If we have made something fine, something lasting, it is enough. The commercial end of it does not interest me at all. I hate it. This I do know: we must live, and I must live well. I have suffered—enough. Never again shall I suffer. But most of all am I concerned in creating something that will lift us all above this petty level of earthly things. My work is my god. I want to build what I know is fine, what I feel calling for expression. I must be true to my ideals—” — Nazimova on Salomé quoted in “The Complete Artiste” by Malcolm Oettinger

——— ——— ———

*As of the time of writing, I haven’t been able to track down a complete copy for the campaign book for the film, so I’m relying on fragments, quotes, and second-hand references to its content.

——— ——— ———

Read Part Two Here

——— ——— ———

☕Appreciate my work? Buy me a coffee! ☕

——— ——— ———

Bibliography/Further Reading

(This isn’t an exhaustive list, but covers what’s most relevant to the essay above!)

Salomé by Oscar Wilde [French/English]

“Herodias” by Gustave Flaubert [English]

Cosplay the Classics: Natacha Rambova

Lost, but Not Forgotten: A Doll’s House (1922)

“Temperament? Certainly, says Nazimova” by Adela Rogers St. Johns in Photoplay, October 1926

“Newspaper Opinions” in The Film Daily, 3 January 1923

“Splendid Production Values But No Kick in Nazimova’s “Salome” in The Film Daily, 7 January 1923

“SALOME” in The Story World, March 1923

“SALOME’ —Class AA” from Screen Opinions, 15 February 1923

“The Complete Artiste” by Malcolm H. Oettinger in Picture-Play Magazine, April 1923

“Famous Salomes” by Willard H. Wright in Motion Picture Classic, October 1922

“Nazimova’s ‘Salome’” by Walter Anthony in Closeup, 5 January 1923

“Alla Nazimova: ‘The Witch of Makeup’” by Robert A. Schanke in Passing Performances: Queer Readings of Leading Players in American Theater History

“Besare tu boca, Iokanaan. Arte y experiencia cinematografica en Salome de Alla Nazimova” by Belén Ruiz Garrido (Wish I had read this at the beginning of my research and writing instead of near the end as it touches upon a few of the same points as my essay! Highly recommended!)

“The Function of the Actor” by Herman Weinberg

“‘Out Salomeing Salome’: Dance, The New Woman, and Fan Magazine Orientalism” by Gaylyn Studlar in Visions of the East: Orientalism in Film

Nazimova: A Biography by Gavin Lambert (Note: I do not recommend this without caveat even though it’s the only monograph biography of Nazimova. Lambert did a commendable amount of research but his presentation of that research is ruined by misrepresentations, factual errors, and a general tendency to make unfounded assumptions about Nazimova’s motivations and personal feelings.)

Only Yesterday: An Informal History of the 1920s by Frederick Lewis Allen

Russian Theatre: from the Empire to the Soviets by Mark Slonim

[beerok23]

Runaway Groom - Chapter 11

With the compliments of my beta angels @pookasluagh and @somewhere-in-wales 💜

EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 11 - VISUALISE

I'm so incredibly glad that this chapter gets posted today, October 1st, as if I'd planned it for Kinktober (which I didn't).

“Come on, sunshine. Follow the music.” Gabriel’s annoying voice filled the air, and Aziraphale blinked to try and get rid of it. When he opened his eyes again, he realised that the music had stopped, and Gabriel was talking directly to him. “All right. All right. Maybe we are taking this too fast,” and then he went into full coach mode. “You need to relax; you’re too tense. Crowley, come here and be me.” Before any of the other people in the room could say anything against it, Gabriel pulled Crowley to the groom’s spot. “Take off your glasses so that he can see you.” Crowley obliged. He was so quiet and silent that it felt completely out of character. Anathema and Muriel looked at the journalist with worry, afraid of the outcome of this experiment. Gabriel walked up the aisle and held Aziraphale’s arms from behind. “I’ll walk with you, ok? You just focus on me.” Aziraphale turned his face and looked straight at Gabriel, trying to accept his advice for once. “No, not me here, me-there!” He pointed at Crowley, who was standing there, being an unfairly marvellous creature looking back at him with those beautiful amber eyes of his. “Ok, Theresa, play.” The instrumental music resumed, and Gabriel pushed Aziraphale from behind, so that he could reach the stage area. “Visualise. Focus!” Aziraphale was visibly relaxing now. But not because he felt safe in Gabriel’s hands. Because he could see Crowley’s eyes. Every step took him closer. Every step he’d taken in the last couple of weeks, actually. ‘You want a man who will take you to the Ritz and pay the bill while you taste the wine.’ “Great, it’s game time. Just focus!” Gabriel kept repeating as they got closer to the stage. ‘Someone who will just be with you in silence, because you don’t need words when you understand each other with a look.’ Aziraphale and Crowley’s gazes locked, and neither of them would look away even if they had to. All those things left unspoken were communicated with a single look. The affection, the longing. ‘Someone who will accept you just the way you are, because that someone-- will have been in love with you since the beginning, angel.’ The love. “I see the goal,” Aziraphale murmured, not really knowing what he was saying. “Yes. Great!” Gabriel beamed when he noticed Aziraphale’s eager arrival in front of Crowley. “Keep focusing.” “Oh, I will,” Aziraphale reiterated, and incredibly, ineffably, Crowley smiled at him. And he realised that the other man, just like him, knew.

TAG LIST

@firephoenix2305 @on1occasionfork @moralsofanalleycatsposts @captainblou @bellisima-writes @shadesofecclescakes

With the ineffable trailer created by @ineffablerainstorm

[bingebuddie]

Status Update: August 2024

Hi all,

Life has been crazy, and it has been a while since I have updated my writing journey.

I know it seems like I have been MIA, but as some point, I'm going to start uploading stuff and boom, you will be overwhelmed with content.

I got myself into a situation where I had too many projects in flight. As you will see below, I still do. I have stopped publishing anything new, (unless its complete) until I catch myself up.

Recently, I have started to push something's to the side and streamline my focus. I'm not fighting my muse, whatever she wants to work on is what I am working on.

Wit that said, lets share an update on the projects I have been working on.

From The Ashes –

Wes and Cole's novel is really coming along. I can’t wait to finish it! Then I need to figure out how to publish it...

Sideways

Act 6 Into the Unknown

This arc has both been a love affair and a nightmare.

It is the longest part of the story to date. Updates have been slow because I refuse to push out something until I am happy with it.

I need to nail a lot of details for this work the way I want it to.

6.5 deals with the hearing with the LAFD and is the longest single chapter in the entire series thus far. Although this chapter is complete, I still feel it is messy and too long. I have thought about breaking it into smaller chapters that would be easier to read. But at the same time, I want that part of the story over with and done. I am working on editing out some things to make it easier to read and flow better.

6.6 is done, dusted, and ready to roll. Welcome to NY!!!

6.7 is my baby. It is my favorite part of the story to date. I made myself cry. I love you, Wes! The final draft is done… just checking dates and ensuring things work how they are supposed to.

6.8-6.12 There is a lot of fun and fluff for our crew while they are on the cruise until the shit hits the fan.

6.8 Final Draft

6.9 Final Draft

6.10 is another chapter that I am excited about. But again, there are a lot of details I need to make sure work the right way.

6.11 Fluff until the shit show …

6.12 Shit show… and home to LA… before the cliffhanger that sets up Act 7. Again, the cliffhanger does not center around our boys.

Act 7 Strong

I have said this before: This arc is emotionally heavy for Eddie. Eddie will need his friends and family like never before. There are a few people who shine as support for Eddie in this Arc… Buck, Wes, Maddie, and Tyler… (insert evil smile) This chapter is inspired by Strong by Romy and Fred Again  

In my mind, Buck is signing that to Eddie….

The outline for this is eight chapters… but that might go up… I have been working on part of this, and I have been working on smaller chapters to move faster… smaller chapters mean more total chapters but faster output…

Arc 8 Genesis …

Now for my other works…

Technical Foul -

In an effort to start to get past some of the awkwardness between them since the cemetery, Eddie invites Buck to the park with him and Christopher. A little basketball, some flirting, and an ill-timed visit from someone from the 118's past makes Buck's green start to show. Accidents happen, and Buck has some explaining to do.

Double Cross -

This fic is purely self-indulgent... Inspired by the video of Ryan sparing with one hand behind his back I had an idea of how that lead to Eddie telling Buck he could kick his ass with one arm tied behind his back and this was born. Fun, teasing, banter...

Shifted Part 1

Nevermore -

After the full moon reveals there is more to this world than some of them knew, the 118 face challenges they never saw coming. From lightning to Werewolves and all manner of things in between. Long-held secrets will come to light that could make or break one of the core relationships of the 118, that of Buck and Eddie. Is their friendship strong enough to survive? Will their relationship fall apart, or will they finally come together? The bonds and friendships of the 118 are about to be tested like never before. Can they put aside their differences and come together as a team and family, or will they fall victim to the mysterious being that is plaguing the streets of New York and eating the souls of their victims?

Chapter 1-20 posted. 21-30 coming soon. From a writing perspective, this is done… beta, editing all done. and I'm finally happy with it. I will post this after the summer is over. I have a solid idea for the sequel…

Would You Mind -

A four-day trip road trip to Vegas to celebrate Maddie and Chim's Bachelor and Bachelorette parties will alter Buck and Eddie's relationship for the rest of their lives. Featuring Drinking games, dancing, stripping, lap dances, couples' massages, poker games, and the highest stakes for our boys, their hearts…

Chapters 1-3 are posted, and the final chapter is done… Wedding in Vegas and drag brunch! Will get this uploaded sooner than later.

Like I said… Lap-dancing Eddie will return … In Sideways … Arc 7

I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend -

Eddie tries to figure out what is going on with Buck after the disastrous basketball game, while Buck tries to work through his feelings after Tommy kissed him. Both Buck and Eddie have some soul-searching to do to come to terms with their feelings once and for all.

I really want to get back to finishing this. I have it mostly completed, but I haven’t focused on it at all.

For more one shots of mine, you can go here.

WIPS

Future Shock

3 Part Series - Magic/BAMF/Mayhem/Found Family/Soul Mates/Redux/Ryan throw's the timeline into a blender and tada...

I have a lot of this plotted out… some chapters are written…, but I'm struggling to figure out what comes first. Do I show the future and then go back to the past and what led to it, or do I start in the past and then do the time jump…

As It Is

2030 and the 118 have been fractured since the lawsuit. When members of the team start to be picked off one by one, Hen, Chim, and Bobby have no one to turn to until friends and family return in their most desperate hour.

As It Was

Details what led to the fracturing of the 118. It is a retelling of Season 2 and part of Season 3.

As It Was Always Meant To Be

Now reunited, will the 118 be able to rally around each other, or will their painful past be too much to overcome?

This will be very large… I am unsure when I'll finish, but I have been spending time on it when I need a break from the other works.

DDD, aka Devastated and Destroyed Diaz…

This is my season 7 fix it …

I want to have this done before the fall premiere…

Part 1: With Every Heartbeat—

Eddie POV … Four simple words shatter Eddie's world. Eddie spirals after Buck comes out to him when the future he was sure he could never have suddenly become a possibility. 60% complete

Part 2 Stargazing –

Buck POV… Eddie’s gone… Well, he’s not gone; he’s taking some time to himself after Christopher flees to El Paso. Buck… he’s not dealing with it well… Harsh words are exchanged, and Buck and Eddie’s lives are changed forever. 70% complete

Part 3 Something To Hold On To –

Buck and Eddie POV’s … In the aftermath of a life-changing event, Buck and Eddie struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives… if only they had something to hold on to… each other.  Outlined

Five By Five -

Buck and Eddie have been through a lot over the years. What if there was more to their relationship than anyone else knew about. AKA how Buck and Eddie fell into each other's arms after each trauma.

Relationship Goals—

In an effort to rebuild their friendship after their recent relationships crash and burn, Buck and Eddie join a local hockey team along with some of Buck's old seal friends. This was pure fan service to myself and a way to get Buck, Eddie, Wes, and Cole to play hockey and not have to do it on Sideways. This currently sits around 60 pages.

Stolen -

A stolen kiss changes everything between Buck and Eddie... This angst fest is somehow incredibly soft... This is about 35 pages right now...

The Ties That Bind - Buck breakdown fic... This might get scrapped and merged into DDD from above...  Scrapped and merged into DDD

All I Want for Christmas—

Think Scrooged vs. It's a Wonderful Life vs. 911. This will not be posted until after the holidays.

There is also the Quarter Inch Killer fic and the Eddie Dexter fic. floating around in my mind...

Talk soon!

[tamamatango]

My Project Revealed: The Fabled Fanfiction Come to Fruition

Crossing an item off the bucket list before the dopamine gods give out on me. (Yes that’s the story link in case you want to just go there and skip the whole me not shutting up part)

Back in my most active period in the Keroro fandom, I tried and failed multiple times to write a fanfic; might’ve even talked about it here at some point. But for one reason or another, it just never panned out, and I ultimately fell out of it for a few years before I managed to publish anything. However, I got back into the practice with my next hyperfixation, so now that I’ve returned to frog hell again, I knew I had to do what teenage me could not.

I can’t say this is “the fanfic I always wanted to write,” because I ended up scrapping whatever I had started all those years ago. When this started to come together in my head, it initially seemed way too ambitious given the limited time I have and where my strengths and weaknesses lie as a writer…but I got possessed by the artsy demon or something and started to write it anyway. Whoops.

To Chase a Butterfly asks one simple question: What if Kururu actually failed to save Saburo at the end of episode 229? Okay that’s not really a simple question, considering it leads to a whole emotional and physical journey about grief and companionship and space-timey shenanigans. But basically, Kururu goes “bet” and attempts to bring him back to life. Naturally, the deuteragonist of such a story is…Dororo? Yes, at the central conflict of the story is Kururu’s friendship with Saburo, but it’s Dororo who serves as his confidant/partner in crime over the course of the story, and so I consider this to double as a KuruDoro fic as well—though I will make it clear now that it’s not conclusively romantic, so you can decide if that’s the direction they go in or if it stays platonic, and it works either way.

As of the latest update from. Uh. 15 minutes ago at the time of writing, the fic currently sits at about 60-65% completion and is divided into two parts. Part 1 (chapters 1–6) is the angst/drama-heavy half, which I uploaded in full as a batch drop. Part 2 (7+) is more action/adventure, sort of in the vein of what you’d expect from one of the Keroro movies, and I am updating it chapter-by-chapter, since it was getting too unsustainable to try to dump it all at once. AO3 has the most robust features, so that’s where it’s hosted for now, but I know people have very understandable problems with that site, so I’ll consider porting it elsewhere if that’s something anyone is interested in.

Well, that’s enough yammering from me. If you like the idea, please do check it out. Things are starting to heat up as the climax approaches, especially with the introduction of a surprise third major character who very longtime Kirb fans miiiight faintly recall. And if you’re already following it—it’s been up for a while now, just waited to discuss it here to temporarily save myself from potential embarrassment—thanks for your support, and I hope you look forward to the rest! Part 2 is very research/planning heavy and has been pretty challenging to write so far, but I intend to see this all the way through damn it. And yeah, this is what’s been pulling my focus away from the blog, but there will still be posts here whenever I feel like putting energy into an essay and/or next real info drop about the new anime (BNP gimme something soon please I’m parched).

[swearyshera]

You have no idea how hands-shaking, looking-down-off-a-cliff scared I was to scroll down when Catra began to say sorry and got cut off. I had to take almost a full minute to brace myself cuz I was so afraid Glimmer would do the thing so many other protags have done where they just accept the apology for the sake of expediency or compassion or their own regrets or to focus on moving forward. Or to excuse away the apologizers actions as not their own because of manipulation or emotion. I've been waiting since Day One for this hoping it wouldn't be like those, especially considered canon didnt even attempt it and that left my love for this series feeling like it was missing a piece.

I could never expected it go this hard. Glimmer's grief and guilt and cold rage feels so tangible, and the sheer strength it feels like it took to both acknowledge and honestly deliver those feelings to Catra with no sugarcoating while not full-on attacking her with them and driving a wedge into the only refuge either of them have from Prime breaks my heart. Acknowledging Catra feels sorry but telling her flat out no apology or atonement could heal this, so if she feels sorry thats her own damn problem. A perfect interstice of emotional fortitude and frailty. I could never have dreamt of a moment this great.

Glimmer was always my fave in canon but this catapulted her into the fucking celestial firmament. The catharsis I'm feeling right now makes me feel like I could jump the goddamned moon. This moment alone is my favorite exploration of grief and forgiveness ive seen in a fandom like this since ATLA's The Southern Raiders. I cant wait to see your spin on the rest of this arc if its even a fraction this good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this and for this project. Thank you.

This was such a hard scene to write. I'd had some ideas written down for this scene for quite a while, and we almost got a scene where they discussed what they would say to Adora instead, but I thought it would perhaps be more impactful to tackle the subject of Angella head on.

I'm not completely oblivious to the fact that many people wished Glimmer and Catra had approached the topic of what happened to Angella in canon. And again, I'd never say that this blog is a 'fix-it' for the stuff people didn't like, but sometimes there's stuff that I wish had been in the show - this was one of those things.

But knowing I wanted to put in a scene and actually writing it are two different things. I was so nervous when this one went out, because I worried that people would react negatively to it (but you didn't, thanks everyone!). You're right that having Glimmer go "Oh, sure, don't worry about it" would have felt hollow and really undercut the whole 'Angella is dead' thing. But equally, if Glimmer had said "Sorry isn't enough, I hate you and will never forgive you", it would have been hard to reconcile that level of sheer hatred with them working together later on.

I chose Glimmer's words quite carefully here. I wanted to show that her opting to take her mother's actions as one of heroic sacrifice rather than a desperate last-ditch attempt to save Etheria from Catra's mistake was for her own benefit, not Catra's. Glimmer makes that choice to discard Catra's part in it every day because that's the only way she can manage her grief (especially when face-to-face with Catra), not because she wants Catra to feel better. And that rejection of the apology was not so much a "Your apology means nothing" as it was "Don't try and complicate the way I'm dealing with this." Sorry means she has to reconcile that Catra feels guilt. Sorry upsets her grieving process. She doesn't want it.

I'm so excited for everyone to see the rest of this arc, particularly how things develop through Corridors. We'll soon be seeing Horde Prime step up his manipulation of Catra's depression, and more about how that is affecting her and driving her to desperation. But we also get those bittersweet flashbacks, the reminders that Adora has always been on her side - even when they've been on opposing sides of a war. And finally, the climax of the episode where Catra saves Glimmer, and (at least here) leaves Adora with some chilling words. I always feel like I become a better writer with every episode, and I am so proud of some of the stuff you're about to see.

[fountainpenguin]

hey could you point me in the direction of which fic/chapter in the pixels au we learn about what happened to Taurtis? Like the escape from evo where Martyn’s flying across the void (I might be getting confused here tbh I’ve not got the greatest memory)

I LOVE your pixels imperfect au, all your characterisation and world building is INSANE pretty sure u changed my brain chemistry with some of it lol

alllllllll your writing is good and the regular updates are very fun it’s like a little treat every week, what’s happening in this update I read it like the news it’s that good

anyway have a good day I appreciate your ficus very much

Thank you so much! I'm very flattered that you like my work.

I try hard to update weekly, and sometimes I wonder if people do read my things when they come out [since they're long] or if they wait a while (I have visibility of hits turned off on AO3, so I don't know when hits go up), and it's cool to hear that it's a nice treat for you, wherever in the world you may be :) Posting on certain days is a nice way to get through the weeks for me.

I've been very surprised by the warm reception to "Chalaza" (since it's about body horror and is an odd combo of characters, with "Bdubs teaching Martyn how to be a phantom hybrid" as a main relationship). I'm really happy people enjoy it. It's been one of my secret favorite WIPs for a long time.

I haven't watched EVO beyond like, Grian's last two episodes, so my knowledge of Taurtis comes from Build Swap and Yandere High. Because of that, he's mentioned in my work (He's the third roommate between him, Grian, and DomRao), but he doesn't have any major plot points. He's a turtle hybrid!

Like Grian, Taurtis has a lot of trauma from his life in the Sakura Valley hub (YHS era), as Pixels Imperfect AU takes it pretty seriously despite it being roleplay. I don't think he put out much Evo SMP content, so if he stopped posting before the timeframe Grian disappeared, the lore for him is that he stopped participating in the on-server project and was doing things in the EVO hub, like studying. It was a school, after all!

He was presumably one of the crew Martyn rescued, but I don't plan to go into it. If I did post a line somewhere that implies Taurtis left EVO at a different time, feel free to let me know and I'll take a look!

I don't plan for the people Martyn rescued to play a large role in "Chalaza" as it's a pretty short 'fic with a focus on Martyn struggling to get along with the other phantom hybrids (So he's often up at the clock tower and not on the ground), but if I find a place for Taurtis, I'll put him in.

Just to clarify, I don't have a 'fic where we see Martyn springing people out of EVO- You're not missing it because there isn't one. This is what I do have:

"Reheat" - Dog's Life Chapter 25 - Martyn shares some of his past with Cleo, specifically about the escape. "Wire Boys" - One and a Half Birds Chapter 9 - Martyn shares his past with Mumbo. "Chalaza" - Multichapter 'fic about Martyn recovering from his flight through the Void. Herobrine's Guide to the Between Dimension - Chapter 12 includes a brief description of how and why the East Verdant Oasis (EVO) hub was built.

If people are super interested, I'll consider writing a piece about the escape from EVO, but "action-packed chase or escape scenes" are a bit tricky for me, so I tend to avoid them, haha.

I've thought about writing one, but I think that to get the full "punch" of the escape, I'd have to write a whole 'fic about their life in the EVO hub that ends with the escape, and I don't really want to do that; it would be a lot of POVs to watch and a lot of chapters to write. I enjoy EVO haunting the narrative... It makes it mysterious and lets everyone put their headcanons in.

Thanks for reaching out! I love knowing people out there enjoy my updates :)

[literally-online]

Hello! Today marks the release of a new musical project I've been working on for the past month or so: Sleep Buddy! Ambient music to help you focus or just get some sleep.

Available now on Spotify and Apple Music!

You can read more about where the project came from below:

After dropping out of college, joining a band, moving in with the band, watching the band fall apart, and then subsequently finding myself with an increasing amount of pent-up musically creative energy, I decided I wanted to make something of my own.

I was also about five years deep into a stint of severe insomnia — from my first year of high school onward I generally only slept about an hour or two each night. After my friends would fall asleep and there was nobody left awake to play games with or text or talk to on the phone, I'd spend the quietest hours of my evenings teaching myself how to produce music.

The blend of these two issues manifested itself into a love of producing and listening to ambient music, and I set out with the goal of creating an album that would help me fall asleep each night. It was freeing to break away from the verse-chorus song structure I'd become so acclimated to, allowing myself to let long droning synths reverberate for hours into the night or searching for field recordings of windy plains or rainy farmhouses to see how I could incorporate the sounds of nature into my compositions. I'd write a song, load it onto my iPod, hop into my car, and cruise around empty New Jersey streets to hear how it worked as a soundtrack for the drive. In the span of about three weeks, I'd finished and released my first solo album under the artist name Boqeh: Halcyon.

Halcyon saw the beginning of a new habit: Almost every single day I'd open up my laptop and throw some nice sounding synths and chords together and let them loop endlessly while I worked on other tasks. Usually these project files would get deleted at the end of the day, but every once in a while they'd be saved and fleshed out into a full track for a hypothetical future album release. My next few ambient albums as Boqeh all followed that same songwriting process, but I eventually got more into the habit of deleting files than saving them. Slowly but surely, I stopped releasing music altogether as my career and other creative endeavors took center stage in my life.

Although I grew into the habit of deleting my daily project files, I never kicked the habit of starting a new one almost every morning. In 2018 while discussing the rise of ten-hour relaxation YouTube videos and 24/7 lofi hip-hop beats streams with a friend, I wondered aloud why I wasn't using the huge volume of music I was creating and disposing of daily to do something similar.

It's taken ten years since the release of Halcyon for me to feel confident enough to make it happen, but I'm finally done erasing the work I create.

Enter Sleep Buddy.

Sleep Buddy is both a new project and revitalization of the intention behind Halcyon — albums of carefully crafted and original ambient music with the goal of helping listeners fall asleep or relax while working on other tasks. Today marks the release of the first album: Intro.

Intro is a thesis statement. Available as a ten hour YouTube video (of course), on Bandcamp, or through your favorite streaming service like Apple Music or Spotify, it contains just under two hours of original ambient music covering a wide variety of ideas I plan on drilling further into for future releases. Almost the entirety of the album was written and produced over three weeks in January of this year, and in the time it has taken to distribute Intro to music platforms, I have already finished a followup for release sometime next month. If all goes well, expect a new Sleep Buddy release monthly in 2023.

In the meantime I hope you'll give this first album a listen, and if you do I hope it helps you relax.

You deserve it.

Head to sleepbuddy.online for more. <3

[blackbird-brewster]

2, 4, 5, 12, 13, 30, 32, 38, 47, 57, 69, 83, 84

I will answer your ask here shortly! But I didn't want you to think I forgot to ask you ✌️❤️😘

[Send my Writer Asks] TY for so many number!! <3

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Basically any and every fic with JJ in it is this exact thing. JJ is notorious for going off-script and just doing whatever the hell she wants. I have had to re-write entire fic outlines bc of this. She's a nuisance (affectionate).

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

I often look at the 4 chapters I wrote for an early season CM fic that's sorta like 'You've Got Mail' (it's a 2006 online dating fic) and lament that I've never finished it. I even *know* the reason why too, it's simply because the coding to do entire chapters in 'e-mail' form on AO3 would require me to build custom skins to make it look like emails and such (yea, I know I don't HAVE to make it look like that, but my brain says You Gotta) and god, I just really hate coding.

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

I currently have over *30* CM character/fanfic related playlists. You should check out this masterlist for all the links plus summaries of each playlist, or just give me a follow on Spotify

12. do you ever have trouble focusing on writing? how do you get around that? 

Sorry, what? I missed the question because I was staring out the window and procrastinating again. The answer -- YES, of course I do. I'm AudHD and I live in a house with three other people, a cat who's an asshole, and on a street where multiple houses are being built. 😭 I try my best to be at my desk at regular hours each week, usually about 10am-4pm M-F. And I close any windows/apps on my laptop that aren't my writing one and put my phone out of reach. Then I set the focus timer on for a designated time and try to write until it goes off. This helps TONS.

13. talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

When I wrote what was supposed to be a Emily/Rebecca hate-sex one-shot, I didn't think anyone would read it. Then, when I expanded it into what became 'Do What I Want (Over What's Right)' I was absolutely blown away by the great convos I had with readers in each chapter's comment section. I even met a new best buddy via that fic! (hiiii @swpf)

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." - Dr Seuss

32. do characters influence your writing style?

Can do, sometimes. My style itself doesn't change all that much, I don't think? I mean, I can look at old fics and see how far I've come since first writing them, but that's less about the characters themself and more about me as a weird little guy.

38. how many stories do you work on at one time?

One. As mentioned above, I'm far too distractable to have multiple-WIP at one time. The exception to this rule is, sometimes, I'll crank out a one-shot while working on a longer project too. But 99% of the time, I only have one WIP going.

47. what story are you most proud of?

Forever and ever, Head Full of Doubt (Jemily, High School AU). That fic explores mental health, friendship, depression, and the pressures of being a teenager. It is my forever proudest achievement as a writer.

57. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were reading it?

While reading? Hm, this is gonna sound so petty, but I recently pulled up the fandom wiki to double check a continuity point in a fic. Not because I was judging the author, more because my brain was trying to figure out the timeline they were presenting.

69. how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel?

I have such a visceral imagination. I not only see my characters, but I definitely also feel their feels too as part of getting into their heads. When I write emotional scenes, I am usually sobbing myself. On the flip side, my partner knows when I'm writing smut bc my breath gets all soft and short 🫠

83. less is more or more is more?

Do whatever you want forever. Period. No rules, just do you!

84. said: overused or underused?

Again, do whatever you want forever. I use said/replied lots, but I also use more specific indicators to get tone across depending on the conversation and scene.

[writinglittlebeasts]

⛓ A character is captive (literally or figuratively).

writing share askbox meme

you get... unfinished revil fanfiction lol . imprisonment is a pretty significant part of that story

The psychologist employed with STRATCOM calls Leon a time bomb, apparently reading more into such innocuous phrases as 'I haven't felt much like myself since the night I drove into a city full of dead people', and 'do you think I care about stress?' than Leon has cared to in quite a while. They don't particularly like it when he says 'the bioweapon is my friend and I want him released', either. 

"Didn't you say that it was deployed to kill any survivors?" they ask.

"He doesn't do that anymore," Leon answers.

X remains imprisoned; locked in a cell with thick iron bars in a high-security sector of the compound. They tell Leon that their scientists will be examining X thoroughly, and that if the tyrant raises so much as a finger he'll be euthanized with a chemical compound developed from the husks of other Umbrella test sites. The thin veneer of voluntary service chips away quickly after that. Leon isn't allowed unsupervised phone calls, or visits with X. He finds that most doors on the compound are locked, railroading him between the barracks, training facilities, and common areas. 

His frustration mounts, and basic training with other recruits often results in personal injury. Visits with his psychologist become more frequent, if not more helpful. He sleeps poorly, he pulls a muscle, he sleeps poorly, his tendon jumps, and it continues. So long as STRATCOM needs him close to keep Claire under control, no amount of protest from a shrink is going to convince the brass to cut him loose– and, crazy or not, Leon gets the job done. 

The top brass place Leon on a short list of operatives who don't play well with others, and then they give him to Jack Krauser. 

"I hear you've got an attitude," Krauser says, accepting the assignment by virtue of his presence. He's a big man, taller and broader than Leon, with severely chopped platinum hair and a sharp smile. That smile unnerves Leon more than his size ever could; uneven, with his brows drawn, giving the impression of cruelty. And how did he come to be here? Was he forced into this, as Leon was, and does he resent every second; every trainee? 

The officer who'd handed Leon off to Krauser is long gone. Leon says, "I think it's appropriate." 

"Well, it won't fly with me, rookie." Krauser maintains that smile. "I don't want drama, and I don't like attitude; I want men who will do the hard shit without bitching about it. Nobody wants a bitch on the team. Focus and determination are the only traits you have, Kennedy. Anything else and it'll eat you alive." 

The anger that's been percolating inside of Leon since his abduction– and maybe since Raccoon City –starts to boil and pop. His face feels hot. "Encouraging." 

"I'm not here to encourage. I'm here to mold you into something that STRATCOM can use." 

"And I'm not more useful uneaten?" Leon asks. 

Krauser laughs, maybe scoffs, and answers, "what does eating you look like, rookie? If it looks like obedience, there's a place between our teeth for you." 

And Leon really doesn’t know what to say to that. What could anyone possibly say to that? 

Krauser motions for Leon to follow him before he departs down the hall, back the way he’d come. 

“My team and I work closely with the Department of Special Operations. It’s not often we get a placement so green, so I don’t doubt you must be someone’s project–” Krauser turns a glare on him, the action so exaggerated that Leon feels he’s being condescended to “– but I won’t be putting up with any bullshit no matter whose son or cousin you are. You’re here to learn, and you’re here to pull your own weight. If you don’t strengthen the team, you’re gone. I don’t care whose feelings get hurt.”

Leon’s brow furrows. “They didn’t tell you?” 

Krauser tosses his head, and again the movement is almost pantomimed. “Don’t. It won’t change my mind.”

Leon feels the first twinge of a smile crack his careful frown, and laughter is building high in his chest. “I don’t think your decision has anything to do with it, and it isn’t about your principles. I’m here because the DSO wants to keep an eye on me.” And now he does laugh. “I don’t think you could get rid of me if you tried.”

Krauser stops in his tracks and looks back at Leon like he’s seeing him for the first time. He sweeps his eyes from Leon’s head to his feet, still unsubtle, though his expression is inscrutable. Finally he says, “you’re quick to tell me you’re a troublemaker.”

“I’m not.” Leon’s joy is short-lived, gone in an instant. “Not really. But I know too much.” 

Krauser quirks an eyebrow. “Looks do deceive. I’ll give it to you, just this once, but know that as long as you’re one of my men you answer to me, whether you have the attention of the DSO or not.” 

“As long as you’re not going to eat me,” Leon allows. Krauser’s brow pops, but he says nothing further on the subject.

[poisedpen]

✒ Planning...for the Neurodivergent!

I think that for most people the term "planning" conjures pictures of perfectly executed layouts and neat, tidy handwriting. While these things are certainly impressive, sometimes it feels like it prioritizes style over function. Journaling, and by extension, planning, does NOT have to be expensive, time consuming, or perfect.

When I first started dipping my toes into the community a few years ago, I got probably two weeks into a proper “bullet journal” before I gave up. My ink smudged, my stickers peeled, and I found that spending hours making the perfect layout was sucking away my limited time.

As a newly diagnosed and treated ADHD-er, I have found some success in a printed planner. All the months, weeks, and days are already laid out for me, and I have the time at work to fill out everything I need.

But what about someone who doesn’t have the luxury of down time at work? What about someone who gets overwhelmed just THINKING about all of the long-term projects and obligations they have on a day-to-day basis? A chronic procrastinator? Someone whose phone’s to-do list is just BURSTING with tasks, but there’s no prioritization?

Introducing…the pocket notebook!

The main objective of this is to find a pocket notebook that is portable, slim, and enjoyable to write on. Field Notes are quite popular among the stationery crowd, but they’re also on the pricey side for only 48 pages. If you have the money and you enjoy them, go for it! But there could very well be something just as perfect for you waiting at the dollar store.

Yeah, it’s small, and therefore may not be the most comfortable thing to write in. However, it’s not truly meant to be a full-blown journal. No– instead of shoving it into an endless to-do list or note on your phone…you are making your idea tangible.

Your phone, and by extension all of its notifications and applications and features, is designed to distract you. By removing all of that and placing a simple, analog tool in front of you…it is, in theory, easier to focus on what matters.

Think of a cool story idea at work? Jot it down. Remember something you need to do on the way home? Birthdays? Events? Goals? Jot it down. There are no rules. If it's important to you, keep it.

The pocket notebook isn’t really intended to be a super-organized or coherent space for your thoughts. It’s a catch-all for things that might slip your mind later. Then, when you get a chance to rest at the end of your day, you can look back and transfer that idea to something a little more organized. This can be a more structured planner, a journal, a story document, a discord chat, etc.

But hey…maybe that’s still not your cup of tea. You don’t have the time to sit down and reflect on your day. You don’t want to have to organize everything into neat little boxes. It’s just a concept at this point, but…I might have something for you.

✒ MY PSEUDO-PLANNER METHOD

This is in part adapted from other methods I’ve seen people use, but specifically made with my partner’s struggles in mind. He has been using his phone’s default to-do list to write down tasks, but by doing so other things get pushed to the bottom. There’s no real way to “prioritize” them, and after years of using this system there were simply so many that he didn’t know where to start.

So, after a little bit of nudging, I had my partner write down every single thing in his phone’s notes and to-do list in the front of his pocket notebook. Since he struggles with prioritization, I went ahead and did the following steps for him. (If you struggle with this and have a friend, partner, or family member willing to do the same thing, definitely use them as a resource!)

✒ STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS

I chose three things my partner NEEDED to get done before a certain deadline (In this case, seeing his parents for Thanksgiving).

I transferred them to a clean page and wrote the due date at the top.

I crossed those tasks off of the task masterlist.

I “sealed” his task masterlist with a piece of washi tape (masking/painters tape also works great!)

I left space at the bottom of the page for additional notes he may think of throughout the week.

For many neurodivergent people, seeing a HUGE LIST OF THINGS YOU NEED TO DO is the single most discouraging thing ever. By removing the list of things from normal view, I’m relying on the theory of “out of sight, out of mind”. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can’t still get those things done! It’s more about tricking your brain into only thinking about the most important things you have to do in that time period. And then...getting the satisfaction of crossing them out once they're complete.

I have actually been using a method quite similar to this for my full planner. I tape folded half-pages full of long term goals, purchases, and other lists to my monthly page so that I can go back and reference them when I feel up for a new task. By keeping them hidden from my regular view it helps me feel less anxious about ALL THE THINGS I WANT TO ACHIEVE and I can instead focus on the short-term necessities.

(Please excuse my mess...I'm moving into a Hobonichi Cousin for 2024, and figuring out my process in this cheap planner in the meantime!)

✒ OTHER TIPS

Pick a notebook you like! Paper smoothness, paper thickness, size, lined, dotted, gridded, etc.

Use a writing utensil you enjoy! Rollerball, fountain pen, sharpies, pencil, whatever!

Think of it as a sensory experience when it comes to the above. If you enjoy the act of it, you’re more likely to do it!

If you are able to carry around two differently-colored pens, use one to underline/add contrast for readability.

Use a paperclip to keep your place.

If you have it available, use sticky notes for tentative plans that aren’t set in stone yet.

You ARE allowed to tear pages out, cut them, modify the cover, etc. NO RULES! It's your spce.

You can prevent bleedthrough to other pages by keeping a thin, paper-sized object behind your page. (Like shitajiki/pencil boards)

✒ CONCLUSION

The main point behind EVERYTHING I’ve written here is that digital tools aren’t for everyone. Notion, Obsidian, Trello, etc. are great resources, and there are many people who have great success when using them. However, I am sure there are many other people like my partner and I who have developed a kind of “clutter blindness” to things that aren’t immediately in front of them.

You aren’t stupid for needing things broken down into exact, detailed steps. You aren’t inherently irresponsible because you miss deadlines or misplace important information. You need accessibility. The world may not be built for people like us, but there are so many ways you can learn to help yourself achieve your goals

(Please feel free to add your ideas and modifications to this post! I'd love to see what your methods are-- perhaps they might help me, as well!)

[bvannn]

Weekly Update March 29, 2024

I’m pretty volatile in terms of mood, but I did get a good amount of actual work done on projects. I’m exhausted, I haven’t fixed my sleep schedule yet because I’m addicted to working. Like I’ve genuinely tried to stop and go to be early or sleep in and I just always ‘just one more drawing, just one more verse, just one more thumbnail, it’s let me find this one perfect instrument, just let me finish these four bars, just let me-‘ and before you know it it’s two hours past bedtime and you haven’t even brushed your teeth yet. Or eaten dinner. On the bright side all the stuff I’ve done has gone pretty well!

First big exciting point, that little pitch comic I’ve been working on? Thumbnailing/writing is done. Done enough anyway. I might still go back to edit some pages but I can get going on others now, which is great because even though I’ll only post the full thing once I have the whole comic complete, I might post individual panels, so there will be stuff to see! I’m also going to try to keep writing at night, so I can let other episodes and stories play out a bit, but Art priority will be shifting more to the comic. It will be 30 pages so it will likely take a while, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to do 3 or so panels a week while I’m finishing up this semester and switch to a page a day once I have more time.

Music is also going very well. I’m putting the final mixing touches on a vocaloid cover song (unless I decide to go back and redo the guitar, which I might), which I’ll try to start putting visuals to soon, although that’ll likely be pretty slow since I finally got past the thing that was bottlenecking me on the comic project. I’ll also have to get licensing settled, although that currently looks to be affordable. The whole project has given me a taste for blood and now I want to do a bunch of other cover stuff, but good news: I also found a nearly finished cover of another song that I had put aside in favor of the Green Day one. That’ll probably take a while before I can call it ‘done’, though, whereas I could probably release the first cover song today if I really wanted. I have some time tonight where I’ll try to throw some music together, maybe I’ll work on that.

There’s a few smaller nearly-finished songs I dug up from the depths of my WIPs too, one I need to redo a melody line, one I was bottlenecked on finding a specific instrument for, which I did the other day in lab, and a few others that also either need structure or Melodies. Plus there’s those two that are waiting on lyrics still but I’m still chugging at that, just slowly. I might also try that one tonight too, if I finish or can’t do the vocal cover for whatever reason. There’s also a couple character themes that haven’t really been priorities but I did re-outline one that I’ve been working on, so once I have recording time I can go try that one. That one is on its third draft so I really hope this one will stick.

Other miscellaneous projects haven’t seen much progress this week. I’m still thinking things through for that epithet TTRPG campaign, but I’m having a bit of trouble outlining the third chapter. I just need more brain power for that though, so earlier bedtimes would do it. A couple other art things keep coming to mind but I’ve been focusing more on big projects, so that’ll probably continue if I can. This next week I want to focus on keeping my body as healthy as I can, and then comic, second cover song, and visuals for first cover song, in that order of priority. Passive projects I can work on while doing other activities will be epithet TTRPG planning, song lyrics, and outlining future comic stuff, in that order of priority. If I come up with any song Melodies or ideas for visuals for the song I’m finishing up those priorities might shift, but right now I want to stick to more of a plan, since it worked out well this week.

[bomberqueen17]

weekend

the new post editor loves to have me type in the title and then take me immediately to the tags field. am i not meant to put any content in this. why are you like this. i won't know what to tag it until i've written it, will i? idk. idk.

it's only to be expected that i should have spent the weekend thoroughly useless, given all the givens, but i had many things i'd wanted to get done-- needed, in some cases-- and i'm incredibly annoyed by how much time i spent wandering around the house unable to focus. i didn't even get any sewing done, though i did cut out and assemble the paper pattern from PDF of the new puffer vest from Cashmerette, which I am going to make out of I think reclaimed dress-wool scraps that Dude's mom was given as a donation for her quilt guild and of course they quilt in cotton, so she gave it to me. They're not large enough scraps for me to make anything out of like a dress or trousers but they're perfect for this vest, which has smallish pattern pieces. And then I can quilt it.

I'm also back messing around with the 1.25" English paper piecing hexagons, which was a thing I got super into a couple of years back and recently found a bag full of. I stopped because Dude's aunt pointed out I was doing it wrong, but then I was like well, it's not wrong if it works, so. I don't know what to make with th. em. A quilted something. Also a puffer vest? I don't need two, I already own a number that fit acceptably. So I'm just going to keep collecting hexies I guess. A bag maybe. Who knows.

The poll-- I want a silk slipdress for layering while it's cold, whereas the wool trousers are actually-- well I'll have to make a muslin in ponte knit first, which I have some of in whatever that's usually made of. They're yoga pants. I still have to assemble the paper pattern. I should do a proper bracket of what's on my sewing docket, LOL.

I had, when I was frantically sewing lightweight linen dresses for Cartagena, been daydreaming that in those precious two weekends at home between that travel and the next travel-- I'm going to a ski place with MM and DF and the kids-- I'd knock out some kind of rad winter-wear, but then I had to travel last weekend too and now this past weekend I was a lump. so. That's not happening. BUT. If I get the puffer vest cut out, I can bring the pieces with me and hand-quilt it, which would be kind of fun and cool and cute I think?? Maybe?? So that's my new goal.

Failing that, i can just bring a huge pile of paper hexagons and a bunch of fabric and make more hexies for my eventual whatever-the-fuck-that-will-be project.

I had a new idea though, which was that a quilt-as-you-go series of embroidered panels that were the Pokedex would be really fun to make as a wall hanging for some kid. I don't think I could stay patient enough to do it in real life but I am enamored of the idea. This would be a case for machine embroidery if only I were good at that. And like, you could have some that were just the numbers like when you haven't seen them, and some that were just silhouettes, and some that were critters. It would be cute!

Maybe something small-scale, like a shoulder bag or something. We'll see what I manage, if I ever do-- it can go on the list with all the other things.

If I had a ton of free time I would also be making myself t-shirts that really fit, since I have that pattern, and I want to then print them as if I'd bought them various places, and I have a mile-long list of slogans I'd love to put on shirts. But I don't have that kind of time.

Anyway. There's another round of smubbles going and I'd love to say I'm cranking out fantastic works for it but I am still so stuck on writing, and making only the slowest progress if any at all. Bleh.