#it's at the point where i can't even be happy for other transmascs because i just get so frustrated and upset

[beaft]

really cool how I've been on T for nearly 4 years now and have had surgery and had my name + gender legally recognised and even with all that i still only pass about 10% of the time. my mother told me on the phone the other day that i'll always look like a woman and i can't even be mad because she's right

[femboywizard]

✨Transmasc Glinda Headcannons ✨

This headcanon was born out of Ozma|Tip content, because Glinda turns this boy, who was comfortable being a boy and unsure about the process, into a princess again so Ozma could rule over Oz. And as a trans person, Ozma|Tip are so painfully trans coded that you can't ignore it. Therefore the voices in my head said, what if Glinda was doing to Tip what Morrible did to her?!

A Glinda who isn't a girl, who never felt like or was expected to be anything other than happy and authentic, is pushed into a little Good Witch box, into being the image of a girl for the sake of Oz, since Oz was historically governed by women - a land enchanted by Lurline the fairy queen, a sky goddess instead of a male figure - its “a must”.

I love the idea of gnc Glinda, where the princess-style doll vibe can stay. Where he likes being pretty, enjoys the attention, the sparkling, the pink, but he never felt like he was a girl. An universe where Glinda has Chenzel as parents, and therefore more acceptance than the book parents could afford. Where he wears pink suits instead, corselettes, and healed boots and looks like the encyclopedia picture of however many slurs you can imagine just ‘cause he can, being loved and popular for it too. Where he feels free to look and act as feminine as he wishes without it detracting from his identity until it's someone else forcing it on him instead.

An universe where being trans isn't common enough to be heard of, there's no internet after all, and the morality the wizard brought from our world made it so it isn't taken so well. Glinda and Elphaba sharing a room as roommates because Madam Morrible insists on not seeing Glinda as a man, and Glinda desperately wanted a private suite so things wouldn't be awkward or dangerous. A Glinda who's unaware of Elphaba being intersex, but jealous not only of the magic but of every more masc feature book!Elphaba already has, every place where Elphaba has and looks as Glinda wished he did. An Elphaba who's jealous not just of Glinda's general getting so much love and attention, but of having this side of them cherished by others, by the same strangers that judge her for hers.

A petty fighting between them that makes both feel more accepted and seen than anyone else could despite the fact neither of them understands it at first, and would rather die than admit it.

Transmasc Fiyero, with the top surgery scars showing where his shirt is deeply unbuttoned, with the shade of the scars matching harmoniously with the blue of his tattoos and he's so real to Glinda it makes him want to die a little. Sure, Glinda was never into men, but if there was ever going to be one it would be Fiyero.

A Fiyero that is the first trans person Glinda meets and feels more real to her than anyone ever did, with one glaring exception. He can't point as to why, why he feels like this, why he thinks elphaba just understands even when he doesn't voice his issues or concerns, but he does. He feels welcomed and pushed away by Elphaba's hands, her cheeks, her jaw, everything that draws him in so, yet remains too much while not being enough. Glinda who pushed boq onto Nessa because he's not interested in being anyone's experiment, beyond the fact he's not attracted to him at all, he's almost offended by the attention. Glinda who had one hell of a day and it's in this confused desperate hurricane that he gives Elphaba the hat.

It's seeing Elphaba dance alone and the hurt in his heart that he finally understands what the feelings were.

A Glinda who has to hold back from trying to kiss elphaba when Elphaba comes out to him, who has been holding back the entire night. His world goes happier and bright pink as his every hearts wish are fulfilled at once.

Competitive Glinda who always felt too thin to need top surgery pridefully going toe to toe to prove he looks just as good as Fiyero does post his, and both of them privately blushing over the situation. Fiyero who never had reason to stay anywhere finding it in Glinda and Elphaba, wanting more than anything to get to know them more, to be more for them. To see past Glinda's Goodness walls and Elphaba's closed off ones.

An Elphaba who never felt like she belonged, who's father was just as shit about her being intersex as he was about everything else. Finding herself accepted, proud for the first time. She's not all the horrible things he's said, she’s intersex, green, magical and above all loved.

An universe where there's no one like them, and then there's the three of them and the axis their world gravitates on finally clicks into place and they are complete.

Then the wizard fucks it up just the same.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

Maybe this is such a weird thing to complain about and I'm definitely wording this in the worst way possible but I'm so tired of hearing about t4t. Obviously I've got no problem with it, even tried it myself, but it seems like the vast majority of people who are strictly t4t preach it like it's some sort of fix-all for every single problem a trans person can and will ever face.

Unfortunately I've been cursed with a genital preference, and I'm strictly gay, so cis men are really my only option (yeah, yeah, post-op trans men too, that's not the point). I'm just tired of the rise in t4t coming with a ton of "down with the cissies"/"ew cissies" and the like. It gives the same vibe as "kill all men." Like why are we generalizing and hating an entire group of people based on something they can't choose?? And why are we acting like anyone outside that group is incapable of harm??

The amount of times I've told other trans people I date cis men and been met with "I'm so sorry" or "t4t is better" or "just date trans people" or even "just date women/trans women" (even though I'm gay???)...like??? I won't even be complaining about the dating scene, I'll just mention dating cis men in passing bc it's relevant for whatever reason (sometimes even sharing a positive story!) and a ton of t4t people dogpile me. Like I'm happy y'all found something that works for y'all but you (generalized, not you specifically Lilith) sound like a Christian preacher.

It's just. Fucking annoying. I'm tired of t4t be treated like gospel and like dating cis people is the equivalent of willingly contracting and spreading the bubonic plague. Do people forget we NEED cis allies?? Never has a minority group secured their rights or safety without help from allies in the majority.

Idk where I'm going with this. I'm just angry and annoyed. There's bad apples in EVERY group and I'm tired of being treated like I'm gross or wrong or diseased or impaired for liking (and LIKING that I like) cis men.

(On another note, I keep getting trans fems hitting me up despite saying I'm strictly gay and when I tell them I only like men, I keep getting hit with "I have a penis though." Like?? Okay?? Still not a man?? Why are you misgendering yourself?? It's like a recent rise in this too, idk what's going on. Also just makes me feel like... icky. Like I just told you I like men and now you're insisting upon women bc you have a dick??)

Unfortunately I've been cursed with a genital preference, and I'm strictly gay, so cis men are really my only option (yeah, yeah, post-op trans men too, that's not the point).

I mean, it certainly does seem relevant. You're gay, and only like dick. But yet you won't date a transmasc/man who got phallo? That hits both your criteria my dude. Or, is phallo dick not "real" enough for you?

It most certainly is part of the point, because your whole basis for not wanting to date a trans man/masc is because you like dick... and transmascs/men who got phallo have the type of dick you want.

[clown-prince-of-gay]

Happy Pride everyone~~

I drew me and my lovely boyfriend @king-of-vertigo, (I love you honeybee~), We are being gay and transing all your children. Watch out or you're next.

Anyways. Happy Pride to those who celebrate. (And especially happy pride slay queen girlypop month to those who don't) Under the cut I'll have each flag and an explanation of what it means to me~

Likes and reblogs appreciated!! Do not repost!

I would like to preface this with: I am not an expert in all of these identities (despite being a part of them) and my connection to them is hugely shaped by my own experience and interpretation of each label. My only hope with all this is to hopefully make someone feel less alone, (because my god i spent a long time finding some of these labels-)

Aceflux

Aceflux us defined as a person with a fluctuating feeing of sexual attraction to others, I sort of think of it like a dial being turned up and down based on the moment. (there are also romantic and aroace versions of the label I beleive, along with another variation of the flag with a purple/red gradient striping.)

In my own experience that results in differing kinds of days, some where I feel really strong attraction, others where I feel little to none. Sometimes it changes day to day, sometimes its the same for weeks, or it changes throughout the day based on context.

This label was one that took me. An entirely too long time to find. and this is one that feels. right. because I had very flexible and changing feelings and attraction, I knew I could place myself somewhere on the ace spectrum, but not exactly where because it wasn't consistent at all (wowee i wonder why that is because its not like thats the whole thing lmao) and I ended up cycling through so many aspec labels. This is one that I can feel comfortable in, and I'm hoping others resonate with it as well.

Queer

Queer is an umbrella term and very ambiguous identity that can essentially encompass anyone that identifies with it.

So- my sexuality is. incredibly nuanced and complicated when it comes to describing who I find myself romantically, aesthetically, or platonically attracted to (I know there are so many other ways to be attracted to someone, those are just the simplest for me to explain). For example: I can (when allowed by my silly demiromantic ass) be romantically attracted to men and masc (or even non aligned) presenting and identifying people, and I in fact, have a lovely boyfriend whom I love a lot! And as for femme aligned people its more interesting because I don't feel particularly romantically about them, but I can experience aesthetic, or platonic forms of attraction, and Queer is simply a label that I connect with that has the space to encompass all of that.

Demiromantic

Demiromantic is a label that essentially encompasses the idea that an individual doesn't feel romantic attraction to another unless they have an emotional or platonic bond with that person. (there is also an ace and an aroace version, which I think is super neat)

Demiromantic is a label that I personally connect with, be that because I'm naturally incredibly slow to make connections, or maybe connected to the fact that I'm very neurodivergent, (although thats a post for another day-) and feeling comfortable being and feeling romantic about someone is already incredibly rare, and I feel like I need a connection to someone personally until I can feel romantically (I say that like I control when I feel romantic. Its kinda. I dunno I can't control it. this label is just one I felt encompassed it. which is the point.)

Transgender

Transgender is an umbrella term in which someone doesnt connect or identify with the assigned gender given at birth. (I'm very sure I have made it no secret that I am transmasc. We love the transes here)

However. no matter how many labels I find to express and explain my gender being 'masculine' (with several different question marks. I'm a boy in the same way orange soda is the same as a regular orange. same sorta spirit. completely different executions.) above all. I am still trans. and I will always be trans. that's who I am <33

My gender is. an interesting topic. In the way that I have not yet found a label to describe it other than being transmasc. which I know as different to being a trans 'man' in the fact that I didnt transition to be a 'man', not binarily being a man. I bounce between being androgynous and being masculine, but in a way where labels like demigendered/demiboy or boyflux (other labels I've considered) don't seem to fit. because it is in a way where some days I feel more or less masculine to completely genderless. (If anyone can think of a label that fits that- I would love to hear it. I haven't even gotten into My pronoun search. maybe a seperate post on that later.)

[atticollateral]

I am a fat, big-chested AFAB trans person. I'm not a man tho. But I want top surgery. I want to lose weight as well, so surgery recovery is easier + I need to be below BMI 40 to receive the surgery. That's just a choice.

But.

I see skinny transmasc & nonbinary people getting top surgery, and their results, and I can't help but feel left wanting. I see their flat chest and flat stomach and I can't help but feel disgusting and terrible. I should feel happy and it's so hard to be happy for them when I'm frustrated with myself.

I don't mind having boobs. But they're not me, you know? I'm so upset. Because I want to be skinny. And I want to have a flat chest. But sometimes I don't. And it's infuriating. And I don't like all body types, but I feel hypocritical, because I don't really feel attraction towards big people, but I'm a big person. I think bigger people are beautiful. I think I'm beautiful. But it's just not me. I'm happy for and proud of those who are secure in their own body. But I'm allowed to have preferences and make choices about who I like and what I want to look like.

I'm also a person with a fragmented personality. It's different to DID/OSDD & "systems", so I don't really have "alters", but I still have names for my different states/faces and experience dissociative amnesia & heavy time blindness. It sucks a lot, and it really messes with how I view myself some days. It's difficult to cope with and it's hard to feel singular and secure in myself and my environment. It's a big thing. And I've never been taken seriously or been given support.

I want to feel whole and safe and assured with myself. I've known I was different for a very long time. But it's hard to land on just one thing. Just "be me". Because I can't discern who's me and who's a mask. What and who I am feels like a forever moving picture made up of only smear frames. There is no solid thing. And it's not the regular movie where you can pull solid discernable things. Everything is indistinct. I am far away with blurry vision looking at the forever shifting shapes and colors of my person from the outside in and I ache for the person I am and the person I don't know how to be. I don't even know if I am a person any longer. It has always been so foreign and indescribable, the being that I am and that of which I am meant to embody. I wish I knew anything about me. I have always depended on the viewpoints of others to tell me who I am to a point where looking in the mirror is an arduous task. I am vain but I am terrified. I am confident but I am small. I am strong but I feel so weak. Between praise and ridicule I am pulled in all directions by unseen expectations and invisible tests. People do not look at me and see the insecurity I harbor. They will never hear about it from me. For if I am weak in their eyes then I know I have truly failed. I know not myself nor the person that others want. I do not even know what the person I want to be is like.

But I'd like to.

I'd really like to.

[our-queer-experience]

I've been transitioning for 4 years but I still feel gender envy.

I'm a trans man who had to transition in his late 20s because the resources in my country and discrimination, even from medical staff, have been horrendous for the longest time, and only recently started to improve a little.

I used to feel a lot of gender envy before hrt, I was so sad looking at men even younger than me that were able to transition because they had more support or were in a better country. It felt so unfair that I was stuck here like this.

As I found and made my path, I decided to start doing activism to help other people where I struggled with no one to turn to. For a time, after I finally started hrt, I even became a bit of a point of reference and admiration for younger transmascs.

Now I'm seeing a lot of people younger than me achieving more with their transition, still because they could start younger or because they had more support (economically speaking too).... and it stings. Despite all, I still feel that gender envy. I am happy for them, it's not them that I blame or feel bad about... it just makes me feel miserable for myself.

I still get mistaken for a woman from behind because I'm so petite, and that will never change. I can't afford top surgery, and I'm too poor and struggling to even save up for it. It sucks a lot. It hurts that I just could never have that stability and confidence, and maybe never will.

I'm glad for them, I wish all the best to others, I'm just sad for myself when I look at them, and I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. When I mentioned my thoughts and feelings of hoplessness to a therapist they just seemed to get angry at me for it, so I never spoke about them again. (And I don't have money to get any therapy now, but finding a good one seems impossible anyway, especially in regards to gender issues)

🫂

[bardoftheshire]

Can you please do a doctor who fanfic, a 10th Doctor x TransMasc!reader please :3 nothing specific in the story other than that, though some fluff would be nice

Why I would be more than happy do write such! I absolutely adore Trans reader stories, its a shame there ain't many, I'm so glad you asked me this though!

________________

Brilliant!

[10th Doctor x Trans-Masc!Reader]

[Summary: After years of traveling with the doctor, you accidentally spout out about how you identify. You had hid it the whole time you'd known him out of fear he'd drop you back off on earth out of disgust. That was the last thing he'd intended on doing.]

[Warnings; 900-some year old age gap (can I count that as a warning?)]

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

You were stupid enough to be messing with a piece of forgin spacecraft basically. You wanted to see what it was linked to, where it came from, and if it was getting any transmission signals.

You take a few steps back from the piece of machinery and get your welding gun, protection, I guess?

So you began taking it apart. Yeah, just as you'd said; not the smartest thing to do. Suddenly, it began whirring and flashing the white lights it had attached onto the top of it. Odd. Then it began blaring. Oh no. Then came a voice.

Shit..

"WHO ARE YOU!? WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?"

The now what you assume is a battle robot or possibly even a life form, starts moving one of what you assume is its arm, and a blue glowing eye-like piece on its head.

Then it points another one of its "arms," up to you, starting to glow in a neon white color, making an awful whirring noise before flickering out and falling off from the body of it.

You were absolutely fascinated. Scared yes, but fascinated nonetheless. "What.. What are you?" You ask, walking closer as you look all around it.

"I AM THE DALEK! TELL ME WHAT DO YOU HAVE ME HELD HERE FOR!?"

This thing is incredible. You'd never heard of a "Dalek" before, but it surely was something. "I found you, I work in the engineering field and I was trying to see what you were or where you came from. I don't wish to hurt you." You put your welding tool down, seeing that the arm that seemed to be its weapon is no longer attached to it.

"RELEASE ME FROM YOUR CAPTIVITY HUMAN!" It begins rolling towards you, backing up slowly as to not let it get too close.

"Alright, I will but what did you come to earth for. Because surely your not from this planet or possibly even this galaxy, I'd never seen a piece machinery like that. Or more so, you."

"WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU THAT!? WHY SHOULD I TRUST YOU!?" The Dalek rolls even closer to you, moving its eye up and down as if its examining you.

"Because I haven't done anything to harm you yet, have I? If I wanted to kill you I could have already done it by now." You place your hands up in a defensive manor as it rolls backward.

Suddenly, you hear your door beeps as it opens, you turn your head to the door, revealing two people, one young girl and one man.

"God, not again. Seriously what is it with you science guys and the Daleks." The Girl complains, followed by a chuckle from the man beside her.

The Dalek begins to freak out, blaring and flashing its lights as it looks at the girl and the man, pointing its remaining arm at them and flailing it.

"YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF THE DALEK! YOU MUST BE DESTROYED!"

What? It knows these people? Why are they enemies?

The man looks at the Dalek and deems it unharmful after looking at its missing arm. "You can't hurt me, you haven't even got your gunstick." The man laughs at the Dalek, getting closer to it. Then he turns to look at you, walking up to you. "You just have the bloody thing roaming around your lab? You know how much harm it could've done if it had its gunstick?"

"Well, it kinda did when I was messing with it." You admit, looking blankly at him.

"Your lucky your still alive you know, I'm telling you Rose, the bunch of you humans are fools sometimes!" He looks at the younger woman that you now know as Rose.

You furrow your eyebrows and look at the man dumbfounded, 'you humans'? Was he not a human himself like the Dalek? Was that why he was an enemy?

Rose approaches you, pushing the man to the side, "Hello, I'm Rose Tyler and this is The Doctor. We want to know how you get ahold of the Dalek and if it had caused any sort of mayhem before?" Rose puts her hand out to me to introduce herself and the man.

You reach for Rose's hand, giving it a firm shake as you introduce yourself, "Dr. L/n, it's a pleasure. Though, how should I trust you two? The other man is just called 'The Doctor'? No name or anything? And he said 'you humans' as well, how should I trust he's not just som-"

The "Doctor," then cuts you off, "Dr. L/n, I can assure you that you can trust us, we're probably the only ones on this planet that you can trust." The Doctor says, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I found it in what we thought was an smaller asteroid landing, I found this thing mostly unharmed other than a few dents, then I took it into here and started taking it apart. I had no clue what it was really, It hadn't caused any damage and no one knows about it other than me and a colleague that thought it was just some debris. Would you please get your hand off me?" You explain, then looking down at The Doctor's arms on my shoulders, trying to shrug them off.

The Doctor takes his hands off of me, turning to the Dalek, "Alright.. What should we do about you now." He says, putting his index finder on his cheek in a thinking manor.

"FREE ME!"

"No no, I'm afraid we can't do that. We could kill you and just scrap your battle armor. Though self destruction might be better for y-" You shoot up and stand in front of the Dalek blocking it from The Doctor cuttting him off.

"Why should we kill it? It's already vulnerable being it no longer has its weapon." I look up at him.

"Dr. L/n, we have to kill it. It doesn't even serve a purpose here being the rest of its race is dead. There is no reason for it to fulfill whatever order it was sent here for. This creature doesn't show pity or remorse and will kill anything and anyone in any way that it can once it is able to." The Doctor explains.

You look down at the Dalek and step out of the way between it and The Doctor.

---------------------------------------

"YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME DR. L/N! YOU ARE NOW AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS!" The Dalek looks at you as it flails its arm about.

You now felt bad for betraying the thing even if it was unsafe.

(Skip because I don't feel like writing a whole death scene for the Dalek lolz)

---------------------------------------

Rose comes up to me and shakes my hand once more, "It was a pleasure to meet you Dr. L/n, though it wasn't one of the best ways to do so I suppose," She lets out a lighthearted chuckle.

"A pleasure to meet you too, Ms. Tyler."

The Doctor clears his throat, "Dr. L/n, what experience do you have with extraterrestrial machinery?"

"Well, I've handled quite a bit for a number of years now. I'm usually the person the higher ups hand all that kind of stuff to, why do you ask?" I say, taking my goggles off my face and placing them on the top of my head.

"Brilliant! I was wondering if you would like to travel with me and Rose here." The Doctor's face lights up as he turns to look at Rose.

"He doesn't know how to fix his ship, he just bangs the poor thing with a hammer and calls it a day." Rose giggles as The Doctor looks at her in unamusement.

Traveling with what seems to be an extraterrestrial being that just told another extraterrestrial being to kill itself, and a young girl. Sure that seems completely safe!

"Ship? So you're from space I'm assuming, Doctor?" You furrow your eyebrows.

"Well er, yes. But Rose here is a human, you'll have another one of you on it, that is if you choose to go with us, of course, Dr. L/n." The Doctor shrugs his shoulders and tilts his head to the side.

"We basically have a time traveling ship, give them a two weeks advance and then you can leave the same day if you go with us." Rose says.

You think about it, for moments. Is it the safest sounding thing?

It sounds fun.

"Alright, I'll go, but what am I going to do about my job? I can't just leave."

I look at The Doctor and he nods.

"Alright then, lead me to your "ship,""

---------------------------------------

It's been years now since you'd first met the two. Now it's just you and The Doctor, as Rose had left a year ago now. You enjoyed your time with her and became good friends with eachother and wished she hadn't left, but you respected her decision.

Rose was the only one you had told about being transgender, she supported you and suggested you tell The Doctor, but pushed it off using excuses such as, "He won't understand it," and, "It wouldn't matter to tell him," but you were scared he was going to call you a freak really, even if he was the alien there.

The reason for this was not just because you were afraid of losing a good friend, but because you had come to fancy him throughout those years.

You walk into the console room due to hearing banging, hoping it wasn't The Doctor trying to "fix," something, yet lo and behold, you find him using a mallet on the poor TARDIS.

"Doctor, if something is wrong with the TARDIS you could just ask me to fix it, you know that. Save her the pain." You walk towards him, your arms crossed with a look of unamusement on your face.

The Doctor looks at you and places the mallet down, "Ah, Y/n! Great now you can go and fetch me the sonic screwdriver from the living area, I'd left it there when I was working on something else."

"Doctor, you don't need the sonic screwdriver, or this mallet, to fix this, let me do it." You say, grabbing the bag of your tools to look for the needed things.

"Watch, for stuff like this you only need a bit of electrical tape, wire cutters, and a couple of these wire butt connectors." You say, grabbing one of the faulty wires in the console.

"You splice the wires, taking off about a quarter of an inch, then you place it with the colour corresponding wire, connect in with the butt connector- are you even listening?" You look up at The Doctor to see him looking at you.

"Yeah, yeah I'm listening don't worry," he says, leaning onto the railing on the console.

"What had I just said then?" You eye The Doctor for a second before going back to your work.

He stayed silent for a second, before saying, "Wires." He shrugs.

You roll your eyes and get back to working on the TARDIS. This wasn't the first time he'd done something like this, but yet, it didn't upset you.

"Y/n, I've wondered about your family. You never talked about them or anything of the such, why's that?"

Your family wasn't the best. After telling them you were transgender the only people that supported you was your dad and most of the family on his side. But everyone else, including your mum and your siblings cut all contact with you right after.

"Oh uh, I don't really talk to them anymore." You say, continuing your work.

"Why?"

Before you could stop yourself from saying anything you would regret, the words spewed from your mouth in desperation to be let out.

The one thing you told yourself you wouldn't do was done. You couldn't take it back or pass it off as a joke, the damage was done.

The Doctor just stayed silent, what appeared to be a look of confusion on his face.

You could've apologized and run off to your respectful room in the TARDIS, but you just sat there staring at him silently. You didn't want to loose more people because of your own choice to be something that you weren't born as.

"Y/n, I'm so glad you told me. Why hadn't you told me sooner?" The Doctor engulfs you into a hug.

Before you knew it you began crying. You'd never been so relieved and happy about something.

"You don't think I'm a freak?" You sputter out, trying your best to make it sound clear.

"No, Y/n I could never. I think your absolutely brilliant! I don't think I could ever have a more brilliant companion, really." He says, grabbing onto the both of your hands.

There was a peaceful moment of silence between the two of you before The Doctor broke it. "Y/n, can I tell you something as well?"

You nod your head.

"I'm in love with you, Dr. L/n." The Doctor says, looking at you as if you were the only thing in the universe, the glow of the TARDIS making his eyes glisten it that gorgeous caramel brown colour you adored.

That's the first time he's called you that since a little while after you two met.

"I love you too, Doctor."

You could see his eyes flick down to your lips before one of his shaky hands reaches for your cheek, he leans in and closes his eyes as he pulls your face closer to his, finally closing the gap between the both of you, placing a gentle but passionate kiss on your lips that lasted a couple of seconds before the both of you pulled away, breaths short.

He looked absolutely gorgeous in that moment, his messy hair sticking up from all directions, a lopsided smile on his face, an a deep blush spread across his freckled face, the TARDIS glow illuminating it.

"You're absolutely brilliant, darling." He says, placing another kiss onto your lips.

The universe had the best intentions for your life and you could never ask for anything better at that very moment.

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I hope that was a decent enough interpretation of what you wanted. I really like the way that this one turned out! My request book is open! Send any requests you have.

Word Count; 2,395

Do not repost or translate any of my work!

[nbandtransmascblogging]

i'm transmasc nonbinary and all that stuff. they/them pronouns, baggy black clothes, all that jazz. (also underage and cannot get access to testosterone, top surgery, etc)

but sometimes i just can't help wishing i was born male instead and ended up transfem nonbinary. i know it wouldn't be any better to be like "ugh i wish i was more feminine" than it is to be "ugh i wish i was more masculine" but still.

is this weird? or is it just me being "oh i would be happier if i was naturally (without help from science, etc) masculine instead of feminine"? i think it's the latter but i still feel weird admitting that i would rather be transfem. i feel like i'm saying that transfems struggle less than transmascs when i admit this (even when anonymous lmao).

i think it might also be the sense of community that transfems have. it's a pretty common joke that i hear that the trans subreddit is just a sea of transfem memes and posts with a rare occasion of transmasc posts, not to even mention nonbinary stuff. i just want to be included in the memes and happiness.

however also, i don't feel particularly associated with anything. i'm me. i'm not what i was. i'm me now. and i'm human, i change.

is this me venting? ranting? actually asking? i don't really know. i guess i just wanted to get something off my chest (i want another thing(s) off, but that's for another time lol). uh thank you if you actually post this. thanks even more if you have anything to add.

Hi anon,

Sorry this has taken me so long. I wanted to really give this a thought out reply. But I am a mess so I'm not sure how coherant this is going to be.

Let me start by saying there's no such thing as "naturally" masculine or feminine. That's a belief that we all need to purge as trans people, in order to be comfortable with who we are, in order to avoid the bioessentialism that helps drive transphobia, and in order to avoid hating on other trans people.

You're absolutely valid for wanting to present as masculine. That is an appropriate and laudable goal to have. But we have to kill the idea that there is a biological, or physical, or any specific way to be masculine. Being assigned male at birth doesn't make someone masculine. Having testosterone at any point doesn't make someone masculine. I know it wasn't your intention, but suggesting that AMAB people are naturally masculine is hella transmisogynisitc. Trans women do not have any inherently masculine traits. Trans women can present as masc, absolutely. But that doesn't have to do with their biology or hormones or whatever.

This can be hard to internalize when you're in the grips of gender dysphoria. It becomes easier to understand as you become more comfortable with your presentation. You may not experience that comfort until you can medically transition, of course. If you want more info or tips on presenting as masculine, we can tackle that, but that's not what you were asking so I won't go into it now.

What I do want to say is that as a nonbinary trans guy, I too have had moments when I've thought it would have been easier if I'd been amab. From what I've gleaned, this isn't an uncommon thought. And you're right to interrogate the idea: trans women by no means have it easier than trans men.

But-and here's where I might get cancelled-there are situations where it can be harder to be a trans man. Bottom surgery is way harder for trans guys, and some would say doesn't have as satisfying an outcome. We have to have surgery to get our chest in order, and not all trans women do (some trans women absolutely need surgery to be comfortable in their bodies). In a lot of places, like you mentioned, it is easier to find a community for trans women than for trans men. Sometimes, when I've tried to join trans groups in my area, it's felt like I wasn't welcome because I'm a guy. Trans women have been more visible historically, which has put a bigger target on their backs, but also when I was a kid, it meant I had no idea that there was an option to be a trans man (that seems to be a bit better now).

I think it's OK to jealous of the community that you see others have when you can't find that community yourself. I don't know why it seems to be so hard to get communities for trans guys. I think part of it may be that, unfortunately, there are trans guys out there who think the way to transition is to embrace toxic masculinity, and when they bring that to a community, it poisons the well. If we want to create community, we have to be vigilant in ensuring that it is anti-misogynistic, anti-racist, anti-fatphobic, anti-imperialist, etc.

Personally, my community is the queer community in general in my city. I have the advantage of being an adult with a car and no one to answer to, so that's easier for me. But I also find community here on tumblr, in the fat liberation community and in the furry community specifically. I started this tumblr years ago as an attempt to create an anti-truscum community. Running it has been challenging at times, which is why I lapsed in updating it for so long. Maybe we need a space for trans masc memes and stuff? Should we do that here? Oh I saw a thing earlier today that I need to go find and reblog.

Feel free to message me again if you like. And other folks can comment, though I intend to shut down any transmisogynistic bullshit.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Ok so context needed: I am acearoapl and neurodivergent (autistic). It was always hard for me to try to "make friends" with other people, and even when people tried to make friends with me, it was horrible because everyone had the same conversations that bothered me (romance, crushes, marriage, kids...). But, a while ago (more specifically about 4-5 years) one of those friends told me that he liked me (in the romantic sense, as you can imagine).

At that time, I already knew that I was aroace, so I just said it, explained the definition to him, and tried to comfort him in his feelings and his identity (because apparently thanks to me he found out he was bi). He really took it perfectly well and it was the first time anyone had taken me so well. He didn't even try to convince me to have a relationship with him, he just accepted it and unintentionally, we ended up getting closer.

He ended up discovering many other things, and in less than a year, he found out that he was transmasc and aroacespec, and a little over a year later, he found out that he was also neurodivergent. Since then, the two of us have simply become an inseparable duo. It was just wonderful, everyone was talking about romance and sex, except for us, we had a unique friendship!!

He was the only person who understood me, our conversations were exactly what I expected from a friendship, and even with very strong social anxiety, I trusted him like I never trusted many of my family members. He was practically a brother to me and he knew it. But at the beginning of the year, something happened that changed everything.

He decided to try dating a friend of his (who he and I had known for about 3 years). I know very well that aromantic people can enjoy romance and relationships and even though this is not my type of aromantism, I was very, very dedicated in encouraging him to have his first relationship! I tried to help with everything he needed, relationship advice (which I only gave based on anti-amatonormativity ideas), positivity, validation... I was really trying to make him happy. It was strange for me to see him dating or talking about romance or even in love in general, but I didn't care much, after all we still had the same conversations as before, but now some of them included romance, and I could get used to that. I still had the same amount of attention from him, so I didn't mind him dating.

After a while, he started to pay less attention to me, but he was in trouble so I tried to help him. Unfortunately, despite my advice, the problems were not resolved and his girlfriend ended up breaking up with him, and even though it was very peaceful, he was very sad. I tried to help him not feel so bad and try to deal with it in a healthy way (and I was also trying to prevent him from saying something to her on impulse and ending up regretting it later). In the end, it ended up working out, as they went back to being friends like they were before!

And while all this was going on, he was making other friends at his school (since we weren't studying together anymore) and I couldn't be happier for him, really! I was also making other friends, so it was a relief to me that none of us were doing badly. But my friends ended up slowly drifting away from me (for the same reason as before, the conversations I never seem to be able to join) and so now things weren't so balanced anymore.

It got to the point where I went back to the way it was before, where I was alone at school and he was my only friend, except now we talk exclusively on the cell phone (because I can't leave my house) and now he has other friends. At first he gave me the same amount of attention as before, and then it slowly subsided, but I kind of coped well, I was hoping that everything would go back to normal when he managed to organize his time better.

It turns out that about two months ago, he still hadn't paid attention to me, and it seemed like I was the only person trying to bring up a subject (even if the response was pretty curt) and the little he came out to talk with me, it was to vent about one of his crushes. Yes, crushes. He started to like some people. And those crushes changed frequently. And now I was sharing my (minimal) attention with even more people and when I received attention it was to comfort him from one of these relationships, but thinking about it seemed selfish so I held back and didn't say anything. He was still my only aro friend who understood me, even though he was a different kind of aro.

And that was until a week ago, when he told me he was starting to rethink the "aro" label. He said that he no longer identified himself that way, and that the allorospec experience felt much more like his experience. I would never want to make anyone feel bad about changing labels, so I, again, sided with him and tried not to get hurt. But it has only gotten worse these past few days.

Now I realize that he has become exactly like those "friends" that I turned away from because I couldn't talk to them. And I tried really hard to fix that, to find subjects that we both like, but he already assumed that he's literally struggling to talk to me because he doesn't like those subjects the same anymore. I don't know exactly what to do. I've been insisting for so long, and it seems like it's only hurting me, it's like insisting on something knowing it won't make a difference. I wanted him back, but I feel like I'm never going to get that thing back.

My only question is: should I give up dwelling on it, or continue? I'm tired now, but I swear I would insist if I could get that connection back.

While I wouldn't advise dwelling, it is OK to acknowledge that the situation sucks and maybe even mourn the relationship you used to have together. You can also accept and support who someone is now, and at the same time miss who they used to be.

If you're having trouble moving forward, sometimes journaling can help, try writing out all your feelings about the situation, or document all the events and whatever else you feel is important. You can also try a little ritual to say goodbye to your old relationship if you want, like maybe burning (safely) the above journal entry, or turning the paper into compost and growing something with it.

I definitely feel you on feeling frustrated with just how much some people/groups talk about romance/relationships. It can feel like everyone, but there are people out there who are less interested in that, or people who have other interests you can steer things to. Anecdotally at least, this does seem to get better as you get older and people do tend to start finding interests in other things. So don't lose hope at finding connections with other people if that's something you want.

All the best, Anon! Take care.

[villainessbian]

Hello. Sorry if this question will be too controversial for you, I understand.

You seem like a well studied person, so I wanted to ask if you could help me research something I don't know where to start with.

Recently I've seen a growing discourse on twitter about... Whether trans women or trans men are more oppressed. And in my opinion, measuring the degree of oppression is very easy! But no-one in this discourse is doing that. You can do so by looking at the rate of poverty among different genders of trans people, and which group experiences more crime directed at them, and which group is more happy.

But I'm not sure how to find the research for that. I'm not an academic. Do you think you could help me?

Thank you 💗

Measuring the degree of oppression is not easy, I don't think these stats exist at all (because who would pay for them? no one with that kind of money wants us alive), and oppression is not the olympics.

Discourse-y things under the cut.

In my experience transfems seem to be "more oppressed" in the sense that the pressure to oppress transfems is stronger. Everyone agrees transfems are the ones that the overwhelming majority of discourse targets, even the people who disagree with the conclusion and say that this is proof of invisibility of non-transfem trans people. Find a random act of transphobic hate, and the likelihood that the person who did it even knows transmasc people exist to be a target isn't very high. Look at the "accidental ally" posts and 99.9% of them is bigots trying to be transmisogynistic at transmascs because they're used to transmisogyny.

And the final point - transmisogyny exists as a separate thing. Transphobia targeted at transfems, transphobia targeted at transmascs, generic transphobia targeted at everyone are three different expressions of the same thing. Transmisogyny is a separate thing on the side, and the attemps to mirror it with "transmisandry" or "transandrophobia" all just point to the aforementioned "transphobia targeted at transmascs" and nothing different, nothing specific. Transmisogyny stands "on its own" in a way, though it is specifically the interplay of transphobia and misogyny into creating something new. The way trans women (and transfems in general) are simultaneously not believable victims, easy victims, and "no, actually perpetrators" of interpersonal violence, especially sexual violence. It coexists *all at the same time* in people's minds that trans women are not women, and that desires that target women can and do target trans women. That trans women hold less power than other women to stop you doing whatever, but also that they hold more power than you on what you do so they're responsible for what you do to them. That trans women are dangerous, and that they're the easiest demographic to focus on for an attack. The theory that they're part of a secret cabal to control the world ("cabal" used on purpose - this theory HEAVILY overlaps with anti-semitism) coexists with the knowledge you can call cops on trans women and endanger their lives instantly even if you were aggressing them. When KJK/posie parker had her rally and Nazis showed up sieg heiling with a "destroy pedo freaks" poster, "pedo freaks" was aimed at trans women specifically. Hell, the terf rhetoric that does target transmascs specifically (all the lost lesbian/brainwashed autist/permanent damage to sweet kids/etc bullshit) assumes more often than not - if not always - that transmascs are passive victims of the horribleterrible "trans ideology" spearheaded by public enemy number one, the predatory "man in women's clothes/womanface."

In the purest senses of "who has the most kinds of oppression" and "who is targeted the most directly by oppression," transfems are "more oppressed" than transmascs, but just saying that accomplishes nothing and serves little purpose. You can't predict how easy someone's life is because of that. Is it also shit for transmascs dealing with all this? Definitely. And transmascs dealing with transphobia also have to deal with misogyny - this time not as an interplay, but as something that inevitably happens as a second step. When transphobia is aimed at transmascs, a huge part of it leads back to some "you should have been a woman and become an objectified baby oven" horror scenario.

The social pressure to hate transfems is stronger, there is a special social construct/social dynamic that materialised specifically out of trying to destroy transfems, but that's like comparing losing two fingers to losing a hand - we want no one to lose anything, not discourse about which one is worse. Recognising that transmisogyny exists doesn't serve the purpose of being a gotcha to transmascs, it serves the purpose of fighting transmisogyny. Fighting transmisogyny doesn't happen without fighting all transphobia. (It is possible to fight transphobia without going the "extra mile" to fight transmisogyny, which kinda leaves transfems behind to deal with their issues, but for all the internet discourse I've seen I've literally never met someone who did that. I've heard of bad people doing that because they don't care, but I haven't even heard of them on my continent).

Plus, everyone's situation is different. You can lose two fingers and die to gangrene, you can lose the entire arm and heal well. I don't see how stats would be able to accurately reflect the diversity of factors. You'd need to check for so many things. Weigh against time. There is no unbiased sample that doesn't figure in the millions at the very least with such a diverse group.

[princesscolumbia]

would you ever write transmasc sunset :o?

Probably not as a main character, no. This is entirely down to having some rather traumatic stuff happening in my personal history that causes my first reactions to considering the process of transitioning to a masculine presentation falling solidly into the, "...no-no-no-no-no-don'twannabeaguyagain-no-no-no..." It's entirely possible I may, at some point, do transmasc Sunset as a side character (say, a romance fic where SciTwi, cute lil' categorizing nerd that she is, is a lesbian and her experience of transmascs is any attraction she has to them stops when they start transitioning, but her poor lil' sapphic heart can't stop falling harder and harder for a progressively more masculine Sunset and has to sort her own feelings and anxieties), but as a MC, probably not.

That said, I think it's be phenomenally easy to write for an author who doesn't have my particular hang-ups, even as a continuation fic (in other words, canon doesn't need to be modified, story can pick up after the end of the most recent canon works and continue from there). It would go something as follows:

Sunset's delve into the Restricted Section is done with a specific purpose; gender changing spells. She knows this is forbidden magic (more on this in a minute) and so keeps her reasons close to the proverbial vest. This is also the reason she's such a nasty piece of work by the time of the Fall Formal, she's dealing with catastrophic dysphoria over the course of two lifetimes, her post-pubescent life where she's a grown adult mare in Equestria followed by female puberty hitting her like a ton of bricks after she enters the human world. Being the antisocial little depressed bundle of neurosis and undiagnosed gender trauma, she doesn't reach out to anyone regarding her gender...stuff.

Until Human RariJack become an official 'thing' and they join a support group for LGBTQIA+ youth and do as the Elements of Harmony do; make friends. One of those friends happens to be transmasc and it takes a bit for it to come out (you don't out your friends, after all) but as soon as she's exposed to the idea of transmasculinity, Sunset deep dives to get more information.

Now knowing what HE does, he visits Equestria and talks to Celestia about those forbidden spells. Turns out that, since Equestria is abysmally behind the times compared to the human world in a LOT of ways (see this post on FiMFiction.net for a brief on why I say that, not the subject of this particular post so I'll leave that for another ask, should one come in), the idea of 'transgender' as a concept is simply not understood by most ponies, even in the upper echelons of the health and magical specialist communities. The gender changing spells were forbidden because of gender dysphoria. For the 80-90% of the population that is not in any way, shape, or form trans or NB, being suddenly in a body of the incorrect gender would be traumatizing and so the spells necessary to do so are considered curses nearly as bad as mental manipulation magic.

From here the story could potentially go two ways, depending on the scope and premise of the fic: Either the fic becomes about the changes to Equestria and the human world as documentation and study of all things gender and sexuality are explored by mages and scientists in both worlds or the fic becomes about Sunset finally finding true closure with Celestia about the whole thing (you know me, Best Celestia is Momlestia and would be happy to accept her son for who he is) and his personal journey of becoming is true self. (and with magic involved, it could potentially have some real clop potential, too)

[onyxisnotuniqueenough]

so, before your read this reblog, for context :

i am a transmasc (nb) person, who has an EXTREMELY lgbtphobic family/country, and who has since accepted they could never ever share that part of myself with my loved ones. i can't dress the way i want, cut my hair the way i want, express myself the way i want. i have to be careful of what i listen to or watch around my entourage constantly. to the point where everytime i talk about ONE color it somehow turns into a flag talk and "how the gays stole rainbows from us".

I am not white, not american, not christian, and have absolutely no way of EVER cutting off my family even if i thought about it, and can't even fathom getting gender affirming surgery.

context over. now to what i wanted to say :

Please remind yourself that you are so so extremely lucky to worry about neo-pronouns and people passively misgendering you.

LGBTQ people get all sorts of violated and discriminated against, around the world. They are sniffed for like truffles and suffer for who they are. The hiding game is so so so much worse when people are actively HUNTING for you.

Even further, some people never have the resources to discover that what they are feeling is dysphoria, or that their sexuality isn't necessarily allo and hetero. Because they don't even have unlimited/unmonitored access to the internet !

Thankfully my case is not extreme. after all, i have the internet, to talk to about my feelings, to do research, and to exteriorize everything i can't express in my real life. The only people who don't misgender me are online, and even then, of course, i wouldn't know if they did behind my back.

So everytime i feel jealous that people can openly live their truth in the world, or dress/do their makeup how ever they want, even have access to lgbtq spaces in their cities, i have to remind myself that i'm lucky to know about it. I'm lucky i can see people who are like me who get their freedom. i'm lucky i have my own online freedom. etc.

Of course misgendering is a problem, wether your pronouns are one of The Big Three or neo/xeno/other "unconventional" pronouns. You should be adressed however you want to be adressed, that's a human right in my eyes! call me by MY name!

AND neo/xenos are NOT BRINGING THE MOVEMENT DOWN. THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY VALID. EVERY IDENTITY IS VALID.

but please don't take your freedom for granted, and even if you deem that it's not a big effort to use neo/xenos, please remember that at least some people in your life are willing to even recognize you as NON-BINARY. It is still some kind of effort, even if it's not perfect. I understand that people who use neo/xenos must hear it a lot. And maybe reading a post like mine can feel unvalidating, or like me, a total rando, telling you to shut up about your problems because they're not important enough. But i promise that's not what i'm trying to say.

It's like the "people are starving in Africa" argument. It won't make you WANT to eat your food. And it's irritating when someone says that over and over. But by telling MYSELF, without a berating voice in my ear telling me, that some people are starving,..it does honeslty makes it easier FOR ME to eat.

Maybe this is an unwanted dump, or maybe i'm not getting the point of this post, but it just kind of irritated me to see this post on my timeline. I feel like people from the west (?) always forget the big picture, and forget to be thankful for what they have. and to people like ME, seeing that on my timeline feels like a slap in the face.

It's no excuse for misgendering, but please be happy for what you already have or the effort your family/friends/loved ones already put in, and i feel like if you'll value that, dysphoric feelings from misgendering will be lessened. at least that's how i see it. i feel the least dysphoric i've felt since i found out about my transness, and that's because i've learned to let go a bit.

🤷 Maybe i'll worry about my they/he pronouns when i can be free from my family, but until then, to the world, i am still a woman.

hot (bitter) take but getting asked for your pronouns is kind of useless when you use anything but One of the big three. cis people short circuit when you answer with it/its or neopronouns or even just multiple alternating sets

one time a girl asked my pronouns, i told her it/its, she tried ONCE before asking if she could just use they/them. right in front of my salad. like why even ask me at that point

[officerslog]

spock & gender/sexuality.

as i've mentioned before, spock transitioned socially and physically exceptionally early, as he knew extremely young that he did not feel a connection with his assigned sex. amanda advocated for her son, as she always had, and sarek did his own part in his own way, too.

he was put on puberty blockers young which kept him happy and later started to take testosterone throughout much of his developmental years (and still does, into his adulthood), yet in his late teens, before deciding to attend starfleet academy, he elected to receive top surgery to ensure a level of comfort that hormones could not quite achieve.

rest under cut here as it gets a little nsfw in the next paragraph.

down the line, probably around 21 or 22, he also got bottom surgery and since it's the star trek universe and it's like. so long into the future, i'm going to say that the surgical procedures surrounding gender affirming care are probably close to entirely perfected, meaning he never needed to worry about scars on his arm/thigh or loss of sensation in his lower regions, and that shit is fully operational (hallelujah). as a transmasc dude i say he gets to be HAPPY and well-endowed.

in his present timeline, spock doesn't struggle super often with his dysphoria any longer, as he's been fully transitioned for like... a decade plus depending on where we're looking in the timeline regarding my main verse. it is something he does grapple with occasionally, but not nearly as often as when he was a teenager.

he's obviously very physically fit (as seen here, here, and here) and he maintains his physical form pretty rigorously, because it makes him feel good mentally, physically, and emotionally.

in terms of dress he typically follows a more formal kind of casualwear (see this post for a visual), and his typical out-of-uniform attire is a button up with slacks or a solid black tight-fitting crewneck or turtleneck with slacks also or perhaps cargo pants. he likes dress shoes and boots.

sometimes he wears eyeshadow also, because he likes it, though he doesn't tend to wear other makeup simply because he doesn't care for the feeling of it on his face, and not because he has any sort of complex about it.

being super fucking tall even for a vulcan helps him, as he stands at a staggering 7 feet, which is massive for most humanoids, and also super gender affirming for him.

occasionally he grows some facial hair and tends to have a 5 o'clock shadow when he isn't diligent about shaving, though he isn't super into having a beard or anything, so he always shaves it before it reaches that point. he's pleased he can grow a pretty impressive one if he wanted to, though, as he has before (see dsc season 2).

spock is very secure in his identity and knows with certainty he is regarded clearly and entirely as a man not just by himself but by everyone else, and the fact of the matter is that there are like a handful of people in the universe that even know he's trans as it is, as it's only mentioned in parts of his medical file that are only visible to the captain and cmo. he doesn't usually disclose this information about himself either for personal peace of mind.

in regards to his sexuality it took him several years to realize that he's gay, and it was only something he began to give significant thought to when he was a teenager, though he avoided the subject for the most part for many years, thinking that it wouldn't matter as he was betrothed to t'pring in their youth, and he would be obligated to her in that regard.

we know what happens with t'pring so i won't get super into that (other than to say i love her so bad and if she's free on tuesday i'm also free on tuesday), but it's only really when spock meets someone that he has romantic feelings for that he can't ignore that he fully realizes and accepts that he's gay. he'd never given it much thought (he has always known he's gay he simply never acknowledged it beyond that) because he felt that romantic relationships were not something he'd experience for a multitude of reasons. those reasons being for the most part due to his emotional instability, his career, and struggling with feeling like he isn't deserving of love in the first place.

that being said, he's fairly open about his sexuality if asked about it, as it isn't as private to him as his gender identity, though spock is in general notoriously private as it is. his sexuality is obvious if you just pay attention to him though. and once he and his partner start dating it's impossible to hide because he's the most smitten person in the alpha and beta quadrants and everyone knows it. <3

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

Been following a lot of the recent conversations about transandrophobia with great interest lately, because finally, finally transmascs are talking about both the actual gendered lived realities of transmascs as well as the deep trauma many have sustained from within the trans and queer communities.

And it's being A Lot, tbh, because I literally dropped out of trans advocacy and community because I could no longer handle the psychological damage and gaslighting from supposed allies and community members. Everyone and their dog felt like they could tell me what my gendered experiences have been - and haven't been - and contradicting that with the truth - my truth about my actual lived experiences of misogyny as a non-woman, was virtually fucking impossible unless you wanted to be flamed and buried. So instead, I wrote pages and pages of ever-increasingly convoluted theory, tying myself and my identity in knots in a completely futile effort to find a narrative that I could give that other trans people (nevermind cis people) would actually hear and respect.

Suffice to say, I didn't suceed.

Instead, I fell into a year long depression and came out the other side incapable of connecting meaningfully with anything but my more feminine side, because at least then the way I was treated made sense and I could talk about it at all without quite so much fear.

So I'm not sure if I have a place in these conversations now, because I primarily identify as non-binary, femme, and function in the world as a woman. On the one hand, my experiences overlap substantially with transmascs because by virtue of being AFAB, I was lumped in with them, and at that point my gender was actually probably a lot closer to that anyway.

On the other.... well, I've kinda just given up tbh. Putting any specific labels on my gender has been such a seething nightmare shitshow since 2007 that I literally do not know what I would even *want* to be categorized as anymore. Caring, at all, about it is such a trigger that I don't even know where to start. I haven't experienced any kind of gender euphoria in probably a decade. At some point I just hit a limit where I realized that I could find ways to be happy just existing as a human or I could try to figure out what I am, and I chose to just enjoy being myself rather than articulating myself. Fuck it who cares - I know who I am in the ways that matter and G-d knows who I am and the people who matter know who I am. Anyone else, if you perceive me, that sounds like a you problem. Don't ask me my pronouns, they don't matter. Don't ask me my preferred name, it doesn't matter either. Don't ask me to classify myself, because I can't and won't.

The less said the better, really.

[doberbutts]

did you miss the part where a bunch of white transfemmes & transmascs late 2021 were defending raceplay and master/slave subjugation of black women as “just kink” and that that’s what jumpstarted the whole conversation about ppl having kinks focused on groups they aren’t part of being fucked up? Which carried over into the saint discussions bc most of his supporters are white transmascs who think kink means anything goes. diewhitegirl/diewhitewoman and vilethot talked a lot about it.

It's kink that makes me uncomfortable and I personally don't engage with people who do that, but again I say if everyone is consenting why do I need to give my approval or dispproval of someone else's behavior? I've known black people with raceplay fetishes and it boggles my mind and makes me uncomfortable but if that's what they like then I just block them and move on. This entire situation would have cooled off if everyone had just fucking blocked each other. I did miss that in 2021 and only have a vague understanding of what went down, mostly because again as said that makes me uncomfortable so I don't engage with people like that.

Saint isn't white. I don't even follow him and I know that. All this harping on 'white trans mascs' this and 'white trans mascs' that and your target is not white. And using whiteness as an excuse to bother people is flimsy at best, because it means you'd bother others who are in similar demographics if they were white but feel like you can't to that extent because then you'd be accused of being anti-whatever. As evidenced by you coming to bother me, a visibly black person, and being way less intense about it because you know if you were that aggressive I could easily just call you anti-black.

But, um, kink does mean anything goes. You don't have to like it, it can make you uncomfortable or upset, but the entire point is that everyone involved is enjoying themselves and thus it doesn't really matter what you think of their actions as long as they're not trying to include you. That's not a white trans mascs with vaginas thing. That's just how the kink community works. If you don't like what someone is doing and they're not trying to get you to do it too? You have the ability to block their content from showing up and restrict their access to your life/social sphere... but everyone in their situation is happy with their circumstances so it's not your place to tell them what they are or are not allowed to enjoy.

[mysticetus]

I know you’ve talked about this before on your old blog, but why do you believe Paul is trans? I don’t mean that in a “he’s cis ur making stuff up1!!1” way. More like..what are your reasons for believing he is trans. I love love love your Petscop analysis posts and just wanted to hear your take on it bc I saw an annoying post about how he is 1000% cis and like. I knew you’d be able to word it better than I could.

I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable btw! I remember your post about people making Petscop just about him being trans and that’s not what I’m trying to do here. It feels wrong to even word it like that. Sorry again!

hi there! no need to apologize i am very happy to answer this. thankyou for checking in though. sorry if this gets ranty/incoherent i just woke up

"paul is trans" really is a beast isnt it. the only reason i was talking about how i personally dislike when people focus too hard on him being trans is it tends to eclipse the things i read as the main themes of petscop. and those themes are very intense and difficult, and call for respect. while lgbt people absolutely can and should be included in these narratives the unfortunate nature of the internet is people tend to fixate on the fact theres lgbt people and then overlook anything else the art has to say.

its tough because in the case of petscop paul being trans has extreme importance to the effectiveness of the work. because its a series about abuse and trauma, and the lasting effects of those things. the main case study is care, and the narrator is paul. its heavily implied that paul and care are connected in some way, either being the same person or reflections of each other. the narrative that means the most to me, personally, and that i think is the most potent, is one that involves care and paul being the same person, full stop. how you decide to connect those dots also basically defines how grounded in reality you think the series is.

you can start pulling things like alternate timelines converging or some sort of AI to explain why/how these two are the same person. the simple fact is that the trans reading is the most grounded in reality, because theres nothing supernatural going on there. and the reason i don't personally like reading things in petscop as literally reality breaking is it takes away from the potency of its metaphors. is petscop literally anachronistic? is rainer literally an entity inside the game? life can certainly feel this way if you've undergone something similar to what the characters experience.

petscop explores how someone can be completely changed and transformed over time. in the case of care/paul, its an illustration of the relationship with the child self. and if petscop is using more literal representations to illustrate metaphors anyway, i think paul being trans fits into this very neatly. theres obviously countless ways to "be" trans, theres countless trans experiences, but the one care/paul implies - an afab person who at some point began hrt to physically transition - thats one i have personal experience in, and one i feel comfortable talking about. and as someone who has undergone/is undergoing this its very powerful. because in the case of being transmasc and taking t you are literally transforming and becoming unrecognizable, and people will project meaning onto that, positive or negative. people will start mourning your past self as if they died, you start feeling a disconnect from yourself in your past. it is very much a form of rebirth. this is why i can't very much blame people for making petscop about being trans, or only seeing it that way, because the trans narrative fits inside something that is vaguely telling a trauma recovery story.

and this is where i feel a need to say, while everything i just said is true, and i experience these things, it is 100% by no means only because i'm trans/physically transitioning. in fact, it actively pisses me off when people try to project that meaning onto me. because things one can experience because they're trans are also things one can experience because of trauma. and when the cause is the latter, it's insulting to say "oh this is because you're trans right" .....and im not sure i can properly put into words why it pisses me off so much. probably something to do with agency, because physically transitioning is a wholly positive thing in my life that i am actively deciding to do, whereas an adverse experience is something inflicted upon you and is essentially life destroying. obviously polar opposite experiences. one of these is a very personal part of my identity, and the other isn’t supposed to be there and you’re implying it’s part of my identity!  aah!

so theres an obvious need to be delicate when discussing these things. but we will never know what tony's original intention was, so all we can really do is express what the art means to us, so thats what im doing here. as you can see i make petscop really personal, but that's not even the inherent nature of the work. i can sit here and tell you how its about someone slowly coming to terms with things that happened to them in their childhood and it wont change anything because its just my reading. basically, youre not killing orphans or whatever because you read it in a different way or treat it differently. but there is an objective truth that the series addresses child abuse and trauma, and calls for some degree of respect because of it. so maybe it makes sense why "paul says trans rights" makes me go :/

to try and answer this question, i think paul is trans because i think that paul and care being the same person in a context that's grounded in reality is essential to the work functioning in the way i take to be its intended way. if the work wants to explore dissociative amnesia, flashbacks, identity, and processing trauma, paul's story has to be care's story without any sort of supernatural "paul's memories are merging with someone else's memories and he's scared and confused because of it". otherwise it becomes disrespectful, because it paints these very real experiences as absurd and otherworldly, and surely they could never actually happen right? the trans reading just sits best with me.

thank you for asking me to talk about this!