#it's annoying af but I don't know where else to watch it and I've only got the first season on DVD

[merlinfromberlin]

Question: Where does Bumblebee go in "New Recruit"? (S02 E18)

I've just rewatched this episode for the first time in years and I couldn't help but notice that Bumblebee just vanishes from the episode for a few minutes after they decide to bring Smokescreen to the Autobot base.

So, naturally, I was wondering what happened there? Warning, spoilers ahead!

This is the last time we see Bee in quite a while. It's at around 6 minutes 18 seconds (depending on where you watch) and at the end of the sequence introducing Smokescreen. He is standing with Ratchet and Arcee who are questioning Optimus' decision to trust Smokescreen, but doesn't say anything himself.

He actually hasn't said anything in quite a while at that point, too. I didn't look up the specific time he talks for the last time during this scene, but it's at least been 30 seconds.

The next time we actually see Bumblebee is at 13 minutes and 41 seconds (again, depending on where you're watching). You get two screenshots because the mid-transformation screenshots are just too goofy. At this point it's been almost 7 minutes and 30 seconds since we've seen him for the last time. That's more than 1/3 of the episode.

And usually that wouldn't be too weird. Sometimes bots just aren't in episodes. It happens and normally I would just roll with it. Except...

Except, this time it just doesn't make sense for Bee to not appear. If we look at the stuff that happens in between his two appearances, it's mainly three things: 1. Starscream learning of the existence of the Red Energon 2. Smokescreen and Jack bonding 3. Smokescreen and Team Prime talking in the Autobot base

It makes sense that we cannot see him during the first two scenes. But, he definitely should be there for the third one. I mean, everyone else is there: Smokescreen, Ratchet, Arcee, Optimus, Raf, Jack, Miko. Even Bulkhead shows up after a minute or two to give Smokescreen a much needed reality check.

Just Bee is missing and even though I am willing to admit that, as an ardent Bumblebee fan from day one, I might be biased here. But, at the same time, it would just make more sense for Bee to be there with the others than not.

This is at 6 minutes 25 seconds (again, might vary based on where you're watching) and even though the groundbridge has already been shut of, it is implied that they just came back. Not only does this scene come immediately after the scenes in the forest, but Arcee, Ratchet & Optimus are also just walking off of the bridge together.

So, why isn't Bee with them? From what we saw in the last scene, he was standing behind Ratchet. If anything, he should probably be behind him.

At first I thought that Bumblebee had maybe just gone first and was standing somewhere in the background. So, I kept looking out for him in the background of the scene. But, no. We get several angles of the main room (which I am not going to show with screenshots right now because it would take forever). He just never shows up.

After that, my next idea was that he might be off to pick up Raf or something. Even if it would have been odd for him to vanish just like that, it would have at least been an explanation. But, no, neither:

As we can see in this screenshot from 6 minutes 36 seconds, all of the kids are there.

I mean, he has two short cameos in the scenes he's missing from. When Starscream browses the internet, a picture of his vehicular mode can be seen for a few seconds, and Ratchet mentions him off-handedly when Raf pulls up the picture of the Red Energon. But, I wouldn't count that as really appearing.

And that was the point where I just ran out off plausible explanations for his absence in the context of this episode. So I turned to theorising:

The other bots just left him behind at the crash site to guard it or something.

Alternatively, they just forgot him at the crash site. I don't think that that is very likely, but just imagine the angst you could write about that.

Bee actually entered the groundbridge and went off to sulk. Either because of Ratchet's comment implying that he is anything like Smokescreen, or because Bee, as well as Bulkhead, is afraid of getting replaced.

And that's just what I came up with on the spot. But, like, I was really just sitting there, asking myself why they had left my precious boy behind. xD ^^"

Gosh, I would love to write some fanfiction right now. But sadly, I've been neglecting my university work all day and need to get onto that before I get to bed.

I will again admit to being biased here. Bumblebee has been my favourite character ever since I saw this show for the first time when I was 8 or 9 years old. And I remember quite vividly hating Smokescreen for stealing Bee's thunder and screen time. So, I was going into this episode spending additional attention to Bumblebee to see how much of my perception was actually true. Like, I don't want to hold a grudge against Smokescreen for misperceiving him 10+ years ago. If I end up not liking him, I want it to be because I don't like him now. (/joking)

However, I was not prepared to be proven right this fast. (/joking)

Addendum: I also mentioned at the beginning of this text that Bee stopped talking even before he disappeared visually from this episode. Even though he is present for the harbour fight scene with Starscream and the end at the base, he does not make a single beep. Not, when he is hit, not to communicate with Arcee/Optimus during the fight, not when they are back at base. Instead he just gestures, fights and exists. Tbh. I'm kind of just glad he didn't get lost on the way home again. (/s)

At the same time it makes me think that Bee's silence and disappearance were probably due to some weird time or budget issue. However, where would be the fun in that? I can't write fanfiction about that. Or, at least I don't want to.

Bonus:

I love this screenshot from the end of the fight with Starscream and the way Optimus has caught Bumblebee and proceeds to propel him up onto the platform. It's so freaking cute.

Also, like, I live for everything that can be interpreted as Optimus and Bee being parent and child. And that shot just played into that hard. :3

Confession:

I had to go back and edit this post because I wrote Mike instead of Miko. I don't know why, but I have a habit to just subconsciously exchange random vowels for e when typing and tired.

[super-unpredictable98]

Inspired by @bisexualnathanyoung and @merrilark I'm here to give my opinions (that nobody asked for) about every single thing Rob has been in.

The Umbrella Academy: really good adaptation, Klaus is a work of art. I wish there were a billion seasons

The Last Bus: I mean... way too little Rob in it, but it was fun

Angel Dust: nice voice, bruh

Robot Chicken: nice voice, bruh. But also kinda gross

Trailer Park Boys: anyone please hook me up, I wanna watch the whole thing. I've only seen clips, love his observations about Canadian pizza

Young Offenders: love how he pulled this off even when he was sick. I live for the part about being gay and the protest scene is perfect

Mortal Engines: I like the movie even though it was way longer than it needed to be, but what the hell was that hair? Where does it say Tom needs to have 2005 pop punk hair?

Genius Picasso: Amazing, heartbreaking. Really shows the importance of oral sex. Also, please never paint a beard on Rob ever again, that was weird af

Bad Samaritan: PERFECT MOVIE, I have nothing bad to say about it

Mute: needed more Luba. This movie made me hate Paul Rudd lol we need to know what happened to Luba!!!

Song of Sway Lake: Ye old granny fucker! Love this movie, although it's a bit pretentious (sorry, Ari Gold! I love you, but you know you make things too poetic sometimes and that can rub me the wrong way)

Dicky: that was weird... that was a bit odd... love it

Geostorm: the three minutes Rob is in are masterful (I don't care what anyone says, the accent was good), the rest of it is pure shit

Three Summers: LOVE IT, but what an annoying protagonist. I'm talking about Keevy. Roland is awesome and deserves the world. Also, it did sound like Smells Like Teen Spirit!

Fortitude: what the fuck was that? This show sucks balls, why is Dennis Quaid involved in this? Vladek is hot though and I'm grateful for the full frontal nudity. Lots of people seem very disturbed by the scene, but I like it

Banshee Betty: represents very well the moment Rob was living love wise lol

Jet Trash: ugggggggggggh Lee is sexy, everyone else in this movie is fucking horrible. I hate every single character, especially Vix. Girl, get a personality. And someone please give Rob a burger, he's so thin

The Bigger Picture: it was good, nothing too special, but nice

Rideshare: CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE, does anyone know where I can find it?

The Messenger: Literally traumatized

Moonwalkers: really good, extremely funny. Love the cast, love the story, love the fake moon landing scene, love the tiger pigs

The Exchange: That was kinda cute, not gonna lie

The Road Within: PERFECT, as a person with mental health issues, I cry every single time I watch it. Fuck you, Marie, you're manipulative af. Rob did such a good and respectful job, I love it

Randumb - The Adventures of an Irish Guy in LA: omfg that was disturbing, but represents LA quite well

Anita B: love it, my Jewish heart swells with joy, especially during the Purim scene. Rob speaking Yiddish? UGH, SO HOT! He should've gotten the role of Max for The Book Thief

Love/Hate: overrated

Mortal Instruments: the only thing wrong with this movie is that there is no second one. I wanna see Simon as a vampire so bad! Iconic lines such as "I don't remember anything she'd want me to forget"

Push It: um... interesting. Lots of visuals and stuff.

Rituals: hippie fantasy and I'm living for it

In Love With...: it was cool, don't get exactly what the hell that was, but I was vibing

Immaturity For Charity: HILARIOUS! Very few times I laughed this hard

Me and Mrs. Jones: I don't care what anyone says, I love this show. Criminal what Rob did to his hair after the pilot, and Gemma is way too stupid to be a functional human, but Inca is our queen. Billy is way too charming and I can't cope

Accused: well, that was sad

The Borrowers: this movie has no business being that sexy. The scene with the motorbike? The scene with the bed? The scene in the plane? Spiller could get it and he's only five inches tall

Demons Never Die: very bad horror movie with a very bad name, but Rob was good in it

Misfits: PERFECTION! Nathan Young is the king of my heart. He can do anything to me, I wouldn't stop loving him even after he trippled himself.

Killing Bono: love the movie, love the cast, the soundtrack is immaculate (SPOTIFY, GET THE FUCKING SONGS IN THERE!), way funnier than I expected. Who tf gave Rob such a low harmony? His voice nearly disappeared.

Season of the Witch: average Nicolas Cage movie lol Kay is nice, love to see him on a horse. The ending was fucking wild. I wonder who we have to exorcise to end COVID

Coming Up - Dip: that was really good! The social commentary was actually kinda deep and relevant. I like the ending

A Turtle's Tale: Who the hell looked at Rob and thought he was the right fit for this role? I like it, but it was weird.

Red Riding Trilogy: HEARTBREAKING, I wanna give BJ a hug

Cherrybomb: love it, love the accents, very much early 2000s vibe and it makes me feel things. Luke's dad deserved better. Love the way Rob says the word tape in this

Ghostwood: um, what? Pop off I guess, baby Rob. Cool accent. Tim is how I imagine Nathan in the high school arc @seanfalco

Lowland Fell: what the hell did I just watch? What was the meaning of all that? Not a single person I know has a reasonable explanation for anything that happens in this

Rock Rivals: Guilty pleasure. Addison deserved better, they did him so wrong! I wish I could see Rob singing in this, but the boyband dances and outfits were really good

BitterSweet: needed more Rob. The neck kisses are just *chef's kiss*. Liam is such a good guy

The Summer of the Flying Saucer: I will do anything to watch this movie. I will suck any cock, fuck any ass, lick any pair of balls! PLEASE SOMEONE GET ME A COPY OF THIS MOVIE

An Créatúr: Bruh... what the fuck? Good job acting in another language and seeing Rob act as a little kid was so sweet. The big baby scene was at the same time terrifying and strangely alluring, don't know what that says about me. For legal reasons I'm not gonna comment on the scene where he's fed cake

Bel's Boys: pretty funny, love the clothes Max wears lol evil genius got defeated

The Clinic: Robbie, baby, why did you do this to your hair? At first, this looked like the beginning of a porno. Love the vulnerability of Shane and that tummy close-up was gold. They really violated his mouth there

Young Blades: King Louie is so underrated! I love him. Every scene with him is just gold. We really needed a spin-off about him finding a wife and all. Wish there was a ballet scene.

Foreign Exchange: Really good! First thing I ever saw Rob in when I was 9. You can blame this show for everything. So many good memories, it makes me feel hugged.

An Cuainín: does this short film actually exist? I never found any evidence of it lol if anyone has it, send it my way

A Dublin Story: wow, just wow. The subjects this short film touches on and the way it handles them are amazing, Rob was so young and his acting was already so powerful. He also managed to make Clocker very funny, I like it a lot.

Song For a Raggy Boy: what a pile of bricks, this movie is very very hard to watch. But it's a fun game of Spot the Rob. Lefties rise up!

The Tudors: I know his bit was cut, but boy did I spend hours watching over and over to see if I could spot him.

[gilfrespecter]

Had the wierdest dream I was on an ebike one of the real fat tired ones going from derby back to my parents house and there was NO ONE around it was kind of creepy but also nice if you know connecticut drivers anyway as I'm biking I notice gas dropping, like the first station I pass is 1.99 and I do a double take then the next one a little further down is 1.09 and I almost stop but that gas station is notorious for being Scary so I finally stop at the next one and it's at 90 cents and I watch it go down to 70 and I'm like fucckkkk I don't have a car but I want to take advantage of this bc the only other time I've seen gas under a dollar was at the very beginning of the pandemic. So I go into what I thought was a store to see if they have cannisters but it was a credit union and a bunch of older people wanted my help bc it was all automated but I didn't know how to do it either. Somebody else eventually figures it out but by the time I leave it's dark so I'm worried bc the bike doesn't have any lights and I'm wearing dark clothes but I'm like 10 minutes away and the roads are still empty so I decide to keep going just take the side roads bc there is still NO ONE driving. I do but I accidentally take the worst road(this one exists irl) that's basically a sheer cliff you go up and I'm doing fine bc of the e part of the e bike but I have to lean back for something at the top after looking at the pretty view of the town with all the lights on in the dark. The bike does a wheelie and I fall back down the hill with it and die when I land at the bottom a real splat situation but it was annoying bc it was one of those dreams where when u die u don't wake up you just feel it??? And I'm lying there pissed AF bc I know it's a dream and I should wake up so I can stop feeling my viscera on the hot asphalt and then finally I did wake up

[marieskey]

It happened again, guys. I fucked the man again. I don't know. I think he lives by himself now. I wonder what happened with that. Maybe he's making steps to getting his life more together. That's good for him, regardless of me. He came in me this time. I made sure to take that pill on time today. Also, need to make sure I do that for the rest of this week. I still do not want to have his baby. I told home he's the only person to ever fum in me. He seemed a little surprised but then made a joke about it being because he has good genes. I also told him I didn't want to fuck anyone else. I stopped myself from saying I didn't want him to fuck anyone else. I don't want him to fuck anyone else. We may be going with the flow or whatever, but that would be a bit of a deal breaker for me. I can't really ask him to do that because we are not together.

He wanted to exchange more sex stories last night. But I don't have any. Apparently, he has had some type of orgy, and I think he's had some 3somes before. At first, I thought he was going to say that he had had sex with a man, but that's not where the story went. Basically, he and a girl had sex while this other couple had sex. The other girl wanted him to have sex with her, too, but the girl he was with didn't want to, so he didn't. He was lowkey amazed I hadn't done anything. The nastiest thing I've done is touch myself while he watched. In the grand scheme of nasty, that's TAME. He was like you've never done anything with a girl??!! I asked him if he wanted to have a threesome. He said if I wanted to, and when I asked if he wanted to see me fuck another girl, he said he would not object bc that would be sexy af. That happened before I told him I didn't want to fuck any else.

I was a little disappointed he said yes to the threesome, but I also know he'd only be down to seeing me fuck another woman. The dick has been good, like A1. Best dick I ever had. He came this time. He drinks too much, and then can't stay or sometimes get hard, its annoying. You know I'm coming, so stop drinking. I laid awake a lot, trying to decide if this was something I could do last night. I don't know where we're headed. If we'll be doing this next year, what it is we're doing. Well, what it is he thinks we're doing. He did mention/reference a baby a few times. I massaged his dick, and he liked it. I whispered in his ear how good it was while I did it. He liked it and kept opening his legs. I told him nobody fucks me like him. He said he fucks me like that bc he loves my pussy. Lowkey, he fucked and fell in love. Which, on the one hand, is a flex bc he's a ho, but on the other hand, he probably felt that way about lots of others. He stuck his tongue in my ass. I really do have him, but the question is do I want him???

[ariadynamics]

It's still Wednesday in Toronto, so I can still post #wipwednesday. This is part of Chapter 3 of want you (more than anyone else). This is EXTREMELY rough, pals, have mercy lol.

--

“You’re not gonna wanna miss this, trust me,” George says, cajoling. He’s taking Alex’s silence for reticence, probably. Or maybe he’s just eager to get everything else rolling. George is doing Alex a favour, and Alex knows free time is a rare commodity for them, even during the summer break. 

Alex raises his eyebrow. “The last time you said that, you ended up getting a throat infection.” It’s hilarious to watch George splutter. Alex loves unruffling him so much. 

“I cannot believe you, Alexander. Betraying me like this. I thought we agreed we weren’t going to speak of it again?” George sounds outraged, but the hand he has on Alex’s shoulder is light as he leads them back to the parking lot. 

George keeps mum about where they’re going, no matter how much Alex tries to annoy him enough to spill it. They’re driving towards the countryside, that much Alex can see. They turn into a clearing, off a quiet road Alex doesn't recognize. 

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" he asks.

George whines. "Will you just trust me, for once, Alexander?" 

The wise thing to do is to shut up, and thankfully, Alex's mouth is in unison with his head. Shutting up is better than rambling about the fact that Alex can't think of anyone he trusts more than George. No one. Not his parents, not his agent, not his manager. 

He trusts George, wholeheartedly, without reservations. It's not easy, sometimes, trying to figure out what people want and expect from him. With George, though, Alex knows George just wants Alex, as he is, period. 

George in his life, as his best mate--it's the one thing in Alex's life that's absent of cost. 

It eats him up sometimes when he stops to think about it; does George know? Does George know how grateful Alex is that out of the masses of random blokes on a karting track at any given time, George chose him to be his friend? 

"You're leading me into treelined, gated, private lands," Alex says, keeping his voice light. "I've seen this movie before, and Georgie, I don't know if this is going to end well for me."

The worst part is, that despite knowing how important George is to him, Alex has never figured out how to say the words out loud. He hopes, desperately, that George knows.

George's eyelashes flutter as he rolls his eyes, his lips quirking into an involuntary smile. "You need to start watching better movies, mate."

"Like what? If it were up to you, we'd only watch The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition ad nauseam," Alex teases. "I know all about your love for Gimli, don't lie."

The car slows to stop, and George puts the gear in park. "Yeah, because that's actually a good movie." He unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door, his right foot stretching out of the car. "And Gimli’s hot AF, fuck off. You ready to eat, your majesty?"

Alex looks around them, furrowing his brows in confusion. "Here? This is literally just a field, there's nothing here."

"Obviously, I haven't pulled the stuff from the trunk yet," George retorts as he fully steps out, shutting the door behind him. 

It makes Alex follow suit, and he leans against the side of the car, watching as George opens the trunk. It's difficult to hide his surprise when George pulls out an assortment of things: a picnic basket, his Nan's quilted throw, a cooler, more blankets--it's a lot.

"What's all this?" Alex asks, quiet. He doesn't know how to process what he sees, doesn't know how to process the idea that George made all this effort for him. 

Unfurling one of the blankets over the grass, George neatly places the picnic basket and cooler on top, before motioning for Alex to come over. "What do you think? Sit down. There's water in the cooler if you want to start with that."

His throat feels tight, watching as George unpacks the picnic basket. It's all of Alex's favourites. From the butter tarts he loves that George buys for him near his flat to the chicken and pesto sandwiched wrapped in fancy paper. It's all for him, that much is clear.

"You didn't have to do this. I'm already a sure thing," Alex says, trying for a kind of casual that doesn't really land. His ears are ringing.

George flips up the lid of the cooler and brings out a bottle of prosecco and two glasses. "Yeah, I got that when you asked if you could suck my dick, Alex."

His cheeks feel like they're on fire. "Then what's all this?" Alex stops. Oh god. "Wait, is this a date? George. Mate. This is entirely unnecessary. You really didn’t need to give me the full George Russell experience."

A swat lands on Alex's chest, and he's startled by the intensity in George's eyes when he looks at him. "We've already established that you're gagging for it. What if I just wanted a day out? The weather's great today." George uncorks the prosecco. "Just say, 'thank you, Georgie,' and eat, Alexander."

George busies himself with the rest of the picnic basket, and it feels like something’s changed, just like that, and Alex has no idea what the fuck just happened. 

He uncaps a bottle of water; Alex hadn't realized how parched his throat felt. "Thank you, Georgie."

[get-shiggy-with-it]

Book Drop Boy (Twice x Reader)

✧ pairing: library student worker!Twice x afab!student!Reader

✧ word count: 9.9k

✧ ao3 mirror

✧ warnings: college au/no quirks, maladaptive daydreaming (twice), twice is chaotic af, commits library related crimes, use of the term sweetheart a few times, smut, vaginal fingering/sex, doggy style, afab terms, no pronouns for reader, gratuitous swearing this is potentially the softest thing I've ever written, like she's pretty tame idk what Twice does to me

✧ summary: In which Twice learns that sometimes dreams do come true, except those dreams are just the maladaptive fantasies of a broke library receptionist and, while sexy, also involve more fraud than he expected.

✧ a/n: Hey y'all, this is set in the same universe as my shiggy college piece, but you don't need to have read that. There are some fun little easter eggs though if you have tho. This is like the most tame thing I've ever written and it's way longer than it was meant to be but oh well. Anyway, Twice deserves some love. Enjoy <3

Logically, Jin was aware you probably had no idea who the fuck he was.

But that really didn’t have any effect on the wildly intricate fantasy life he had created for the two of you during his long shifts behind the library reception desk. That, in fact, was the only reason he hadn’t up and quit just to save himself the embarrassment of another loud outburst in the middle of the most silent place on campus.

What was truly more shocking was the fact that none of those said outburst had gotten his ass kicked straight out the door.

But he held out.

If only for you.

Late nights or lazy afternoons you were always in the campus library—studying he assumed or…

'Studying,' because a lot of the time he noticed you’d show up with a drink from the cafe a few blocks down, set out a line of colored pens and not touch a single one of them for hours, content to stare blankly at the chipped desktop. And even that Jin was more than happy to watch.

He did a lot of watching.

Mostly because he wasn’t permitted to leave the desk unattended unless there were piling up returned books which needed to be replaced quickly.

So instead, he pretended to be busy scrolling through something on his old as hell monitor—which was conveniently set up directly across from the comfy chair/desk combo you always managed to grab—and he indulged in day dreams where you’d bring him a coffee from the cafe when you came in and set it on his desk, maybe kiss him on the cheek, maybe loiter by his workstation and play with his hair and—

Yeah.

It was a lot.

But you were always in that chair, always working or pretending to work and you never seemed to notice the uninterrupted hours of staring Jin did, so what was the harm?

If you never knew, you’d never get creeped out—cause it was creepy, he knew that, oh fuckin' boy did he know it was real goddamn weird.

He just couldn’t seem to give it up. Especially when the conditions presented perfectly for some good uninterrupted, totally not stalker-y at all, fantasizing.

Sometimes he thought you might have some mundane superpower that let you always snatch that perfect seat right across from his computer, and made it so the library was just cool enough that he’d get to watch you shrug on that cute extra sweatshirt you always brought. So he could catch a glimpse of some skin—in a totally normal and not invasive way—when your arms went over your head. So he could imagine it was his ratty old sweaters you were wearing just so you could smell him on you and god he really wanted to get close enough to smell you—was that too weird? No. Yes? No.

Not at all.

But the best part, the part that really convinced him on those awful days when he really just could not be bothered to drag himself out of bed and walk the couple blocks to campus just to sit in awful silence alone, in his head alone with the fucking thoughts that made him want to rip his hair out—

What made it worth it was those times every few weeks when your classes would get new assigned readings. Because then you’d have to check out new textbooks, since you were one of those geniuses that had figured out the library kept a ton of those books in stock. Of course you were, cause you were fucking perfect.

And when you had to check out new books, you had to come to reception.

Jin got to watch as your lovely figure moved through the stacks like you were ballroom dancing along the halls of faded, sea-green shelves, almost floating over the linoleum trying to find just the right volume in the right addition before anyone else beat you to it.

It was one of the most gorgeous things he’d ever seen.

Spinner would call him a fucking simp if he ever dared to uttered any of that out loud, but it didn’t matter.

If it was you, he’d simp for fucking life.

And then, you’d walk that fucking glorious ass over to his desk and plop the books down, smiling—cause you were polite like that, so fucking perfect he couldn’t hardly believe it sometimes—and asking how his day was while he checked you out in every sense of the phrase.

In a completely platonic and not freaky way.

So Jin kept coming to work, to that god awful job he really hated and which hated him just as vehemently. He clocked in every day and waited patiently like a fucking puppy counting the hours till its workaholic owner arrived home, ears perking up when you walked through the door and flashed your ID to the attendant.

If only for that.

He’d put up with his boss’ complaints and the weird stares he got when the thoughts just wouldn’t stay in his head anymore and he had to start talking to himself to fill the silence.

If only for that.

Those few hours when he could lose himself in the fake inner life where you were waiting for him when his shift let out, waiting to gather him, tired and understimulated, into your arms. Where you’d sneak into the back room with him just to chat and lace your fingers with his and maybe sit that fucking wonderful ass up on the tables so he could stand in between your thighs and you’d pull him down to—

Yeah.

That was enough.

***

It wasn’t until Tuesday when he had to come in again that week, and he already knew it was gonna suck balls.

Friday he’d gotten another round of complaints from some stuck up fucking business students—it was always the fucking business majors with those silver spoons so far up their asses—snitching to his boss that he’s been ‘disruptive’ and ‘disturbing’ during his last shift.

“Not my fucking fault,” he muttered under his breath, kicking a rock along the side walk he’d picked up two blocks before. “Yes it is. No it’s not!”

Jin groaned and tugged at his hair, wishing he’d brought a Tylenol or something to curb the headache that was already sticking it’s ugly ass claws into his temples. He really, really heavily contemplated just ditching, calling in sick or some shit. Technically he was a student worker, so they had to work with his DRS accommodation and he was actually having a bad fucking time.

But one of his friends had already texted to ask if he’d try and reserve them that sweet ass study room on the third floor and Jin wasn’t really looking to disappoint anyone else this week. Besides, it was fun to abuse his minuscule power. Fun to go corrupt for once. Fight the system and all that.

He liked to think you’d be proud of him for it, based on the kinds of texts you checked out at least.

So, he dragged his sad ass back to the looming library looking far too much like a prison than was necessary and clocked in. Actually, the first thing he did was check the chair—your chair and nobody else’s chair, he might actually make a fucking scene if somebody ever did steal it—and his face visibly fell when you were not occupying it.

It was a bit early, Jin supposed as he paused briefly when he noticed the can of Monster and rando vending machine chips sitting next to it by the reception computer. The sticky note slapped to the top read 'For your troubles' in familiar handwriting and that pulled a bit of a smile from him as he quickly rearranged the scheduling of study room sign ups so the fancy third floor room would be free for the rest of the night.

Then Jin sat, staring at the study room schedules for a moment, feeling his eyes softly glaze over until a hand slapped down on the raised lip of the reception desk.

“Hey bro,” Spinner greeted him with a wild smile and a flurry of bright pink hair.

Jin had to blink a few extra times to get his vision to clear. When it did he saw, horrifyingly, that he’d been staring at the fucking blank screen for two hours without moving.

Why was it that his head was either deadly quiet, devoid of even a single errant thought or so loud as fucking shit at all times that he couldn’t physically keep the thoughts in?

“Hey, dude, what’s up?” Jin asked, running a hand through his unruly hair.

“Aren’t you supposed to like shush me or something?”

Spinner chuckled a bit at his own god awful joke and Jin couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed, too glad for the company.

“I mean,” he shrugged, popping the can of Monster and ignoring the dirty looks he got for the sound. “I would if I was, uh, good at my job.”

“Which I’ve heard you definitely are not,” Spinner wrapped his fingers over the lip of the desk and leaned back on his heels, swaying side to side idly.

“You’re just figuring that out now?”

Jin didn’t bother watching while Spinner nearly tripped over himself fidgeting as he spun to stand at the little gate that corralled Jin inside like livestock. He was too busy glancing over to check you hadn’t slipped in while his brain had taken a trip to the astral plane without him.

“No, I been knew, but my sources tell me you’ve gone off the rails my friend,” long legs stepped over the wooden partition until the only friend he had who was quite possibly more annoying than Jin himself was sat on the counter next to his computer. “Finally been radicalized have you?”

Jin huffed and sipped his Monster, “Guess it fuckin’ took me long enough.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Spinner was messing about with the stacks of multicolored sticky notes littered across the desk before glancing up to wink at Jin. “So what can I get you to do for me in exchange for free food?”

“Now I really am gonna fucking shush you,” Jin smashed his finger against Spinners grin only to get a hand covered in spit for his trouble.

“Right, right,” Spinner held his hands up in defeat, “can’t have you cheating on your sweetheart.”

“Not my—yes I’m in a committed fictional relationship thank you very much—ugh!”

Jin could feel the heads shooting up from laptop screens and textbooks to stick daggers in his back with their angry stares. Spinner at least had the good sense to look a little fucking guilty for egging him on.

“Sorry bro, I had to shoot my shot ya know?” a hand disappeared into the mop of bubblegum locks in apology.

“It’s fine…” Jin trailed off, mumbling and blushing more than a little profusely as he turned to check the book drop box. “Not like I’m ever gonna fuckin’ shoot mine anyway.”

“Oh we are not gonna have that kinda of shit discussion,” Spinner’s hand shot out and grabbed him firmly by the shoulders, spinning Jin in his chair. “On god bro, we’re gonna get you a date one of these days.”

Jin didn’t dignify that kind of lie with a response.

Spinner once again, had the good sense to not push the envelope any farther.

“And in the meantime, you can come to the League meeting tonight!”

“Your gaming club thing?”

“Yeah, it’s Smash night and we need to fill a space sooooo…”

Jin knew Spinner and his roommate—the same friend who he’d gone study room rogue for—had started a gaming club their freshman year. Spinner had been trying to strong arm him into attending ever since. To, as he put it, ‘socialize,’ and ‘make new friends.’ All things which Jin was patently horrible at and avoided like the plague.

Needless to say, he’d refused every time.

It wasn’t just the whole being alone with like two people he kinda knew in a room full of strangers. Games themselves were just a lot for him. The flashing colors and the loud noises made his head—which was already so fucking full all the time and he really needed to keep any extra scrap of space for extra random facts he picked up about you and your future married life together—get a bit misaligned.

They just weren’t his jam most of the time.

“I’m good, thanks for the offer though,” Jin twisted out of Spinner’s grasp and craned his head to check your seat again.

Still empty.

He sighed.

Spinner continued to ramble and Jin continued to only half listen. It wasn’t as pleasant to day dream when you weren’t there for the added visual aesthetic. And he was trying to not be a dick and ignore the one friend he had managed to keep around over the years. But it was hard when his mind had a mind of its own.

Wow.

Meta.

“Jin?”

The voice—deep and dark in such a dramatically ominous way it might have been funny if it didn’t belong to his permanently disgruntled supervisor—interrupted his already derailing train of thought.

“Oh, uh, hello sir,” Jin stuttered, turning to find Kurogiri leaning against the reception desk with one arm, turning only slightly to accommodate Spinner’s form bolting over the gate and out the library doors.

He did manage to throw a fading, “See ya later, bro” over his shoulder before he disappeared around the corner.

Yeah thanks for the warning, bro.

“Aren’t you supposed to be reshelving the books from the drop box?” Kurogiri sighed, perpetually disappointed in a way that had Jin’s face burning and shame bubbling up in his throat.

He hated this job. He was objectively terrible at it, and so usually he wouldn’t give that much of a shit at not doing it well. Kurogiri just had some type of vibe—like daddy but not in the sexy way Spinner always joked about—that made it really, really upsetting to let him down.

Father figure? Yeah that's what it was called.

“Right, yeah um, sorry,” Jin nodded quickly and leapt from his chair, only mildly bruising his knee on the desk as he reached to empty the book drop.

Another incorporeal sigh was the only acknowledgement he received as he loaded the cart with wheels louder than Jin on a particularly bad day and rolled the pile of books back to the stacks. He paused once more, just before the sea green shelving units swallowed him up, to sneak another futile peak at your chair. But it still sat empty—empty and lonely with no you and cold without your body pressed against the worn upholstery.

Jin felt a chill too, a slow tingling thing that worked its way up from the base of his spine. It drove him deeper into the walls of books, away from the empty spaces.

It was harder to look.

Harder to be reminded of what he did not have.

Of what he’d never have cause he was too much of a goddamn pussy to ever just fucking talk to you—

But then what if he did? What if he did talk to you? What would happen then?

Those were the types of questions he tried to avoid when crafting your intricate, fictional lives together. Precisely because they were the easiest to answer.

You’d realize within the first five minutes or so of conversation—if Jin could even make it that far without embarrassing himself—that he was just a generic brand weirdo that all your pretty, normal, aesthetically pleasing friends would warn you to stay away from and because you were also pretty and normal and not a fucking idiot, you’d have the common sense to listen.

He’d lose you in the blink of an eye.

Your chair would sit cold and empty forever and the imaginary garden he’d been planting for you to come imaginarily home too would wilt and die like all the other happy thoughts in his head.

It was quite the conundrum and one Jin was not keen to solve soon.

Not that things ever really went his way. Cause problems could only be avoided for so long before all that time spent ignoring them came back to bite him full on the ass.

Which, apparently, came this time in the form of what had to be quiet, muffled sobbing drifting in between the shelves from the back hallway.

It was dark here in this section of the building—free of most windows so as not to cause any sunning damage to the books—and Jin had seen more than enough horror movies to know that it was a horrendous idea to follow the ominous crying sounds coming from the bowls of this old as fuck building. But even as he made up his mind to ignore it, the hand currently working one of the returns back into its proper place dropped the book to his cart as his feet slowly turned to face the corridor.

He looked around skeptically for a second, not entirely certain his poor brain hadn’t simply malfunctioned again, as it was wont to do, and fabricated the sound entirely. But as he peaked out from between the stacks, and down the dimly lit hall, he heard it again.

Echoey and soft in the wide, empty space it—was definitely coming from the hall and it was definitely a person.

Jin caught himself moving without ever meaning too, the books laying forgotten as he crept towards the source of the noise and paused just before leaving the stacks entirely. This hall was full of small alcoves built into the centuries old walls and led to the lesser used storage portions of the library that only the janitorial staff and the university librarians ever entered. He really didn’t want to stumble across someone from the special collections department bawling over a damaged or lost manuscript.

But his wayward feet pushed him forward, too sympathetic for his own good. He found himself shuffling down the abandoned hall, peering into each small dip in the walls to find the source of his distraction.

And when he did, Jin was—for once in his life—thankful for his lack of self-preservation instincts.

And cursed his blatant lack in interpersonal skills.

Because it was you.

You curled with your knees to your chest and your head in your hands, shoulders shaking, as you cried into your palms.

The universe had handed him maybe the only golden opportunity he would ever get on right on a platter.

But Jin didn’t have a fucking clue what do with it.

And there certainly wasn’t much time to formulate a game plan as his nervous breathing and sudden intake of breath upon discovering his imaginary lover sniffling right in front of him, had certainly alerted you to his presence.

Your head shot up in an instant, knocking dully against the stone wall with a thud.

“Shit,” you cursed and hands flying up to cover the area as Jin jumped on the spot at your outburst.

“Are you okay?” he asked lamely as you glanced over at him, eyes red and wet and so fucking sad oh fucking god, widening as you realized you’d been caught.

“Huh? Ye—oh uh, yes,” your words came out jumbled, legs unfolding quickly to push yourself off the bench and hands wiping furiously at your eyes. “I’m fine, sorry.”

“You sure about that?”

Jin cringed visibly and frowned at the way you deflated under his stare. God the first fucking time he actually talks to you and he already made an ass of himself.

Spinner’s roommate was such a liar, it really fucking sucked to be right sometimes.

“I mean,” you crumpled back down onto the ledge and Jin took a careful step closer, “no, but yes. Like I’m definitely having a breakdown in the back of the fucking library but I don’t wanna, uh, bother you with that. So, yeah I’m good.”

“You can bother me,” he replied way too fucking quickly.

But he couldn’t really be embarrassed about it. Your voice was just so captivating, and you weren’t talking to him in that raised pitch anymore like you usually did—the way everyone does when they’re trying to be surface level and polite. No this was your voice how you sounded when you were relaxing with your friends or making breakfast in the morning or talking to yourself in the shower (he liked to think you did that, or sang maybe as you worked the soap into your skin, one of the two but he always imagined you filled silences with how fucking pretty you were).

“No, really. That would be weird, right?”

Jin grimaced as you fixed him with a watery yet suspicious stare.

Yeah it was weird.

Everything he did concerning you was weird, objectively. He was definitely being over-familiar and too eager, especially considering you didn’t fucking know him.

But he knew you.

Jin felt like he’d known you for all months he’d spent pretending to be by your side.

And you were crying and he had to do something.

“I mean, yeah I guess,” he mumbled, taking a risk and plopped down on the opposite end of the alcove and resting his head on the wall. “But not any weirder than having a breakdown in the employees only section of the library building on a Tuesday.”

You kept staring blankly for a few moments before the most miraculous thing happened.

Jin had to physically stop his jaw from hitting the floor when the quiet giggle bubbled up from your chest and spilled out into the hall, warm enough to melt even the freezing linoleum floor.

“Yeah, you’ve got a point,” your voice cracked a bit as a few more tears slid like pearls down your cheeks.

“My name’s Jin,” he said, shocked stupid both by your laugh and the apparent success of his comforting methods.

“Oh, hi, well I guess I don’t have to call you book drop boy anymore,” you rubbed at your face again and tucked your legs back into your chest, though it looked a bit more relaxed this time.

Not so trying-desperately-to-fade-out-of-existence.

“You called me that?” Jin asked, brain still functioning at half capacity, only shocked at the fact that he existed as a concept in your head enough to have a name and realizing a bit too late how accusatory he must have sounded. “Shit, I mean it’s totally fine I just didn’t think you, uh, well I mean, like, knew about me I guess?”

You finally smiled and his brain power cut out another fourth at being personally graced by the expression this close up.

“Yeah, you always check me out—fuck sorry not that you check me out, just you scan my books and I just called you ‘book drop boy’ in my head cause I never got a chance to ask for your name but I have it now so that’s cool….”

Your head dropped back down to your knees as you groaned and Jin suddenly felt a lot less nervous than he had a few seconds ago.

You were weird too.

For so long you’d existed on this pedestal thousands of feet in the air, and now you were stepping down from the heavens and onto earth. Not in a bad way! Just, Jin had never really stopped to think that you might be a person too.

Well.

No, he knew you were a person, just he never thought you might get flustered and ramble and be nervous in front of him.

Cause he was a fucking train wreck—the bar was so goddamn low.

It was almost as comforting as your smile.

“Oh, yeah sorry I’m not the best at customer service if you couldn’t tell,” he sighed and ran a hand through his wild hair.

You looked back up with a wry grin, “I don’t know, I’d say you’re going above and beyond right now.”

And you were funny.

He was gonna fucking combust.

“Ha, yeah, I try,” he trailed off for a moment before glancing back at your curled in your corner, fuck he could just imagine sitting behind you, your head on his chest while you—”So uh, did you wanna talk about it or…?”

“Uh, yeah,” you picked idly at the grouting of the stone and mumbled, “I guess it’s not so weird if we’re on a first-name basis.

And that was how Jin discovered that you’d been hiding in the back of the library bawling your eyes out for hours—since even before his shift started. Apparently you’d gotten here extra early, even skipped a class, to snag some super specific required text for your final thesis and right before you got to the shelf some jackass swooped in, effectively hit and running with the only copy of that book on campus.

The book in questions was one of the newer additions that had special added footnotes you needed for your paper and was a whopping 500 fucking dollars to rent from every other place online. You couldn’t afford it, and honestly what fucking student could? But you needed it to complete the paper or you’d fail and Jin very much understood the need for a good breakdown after a catastrophe like that.

“Damn, that’s uh, fucking awful,” he frowned on your behalf as your head hit the wall a second time in frustration.

“Yeah so, I’m like royally fucked either way. Now I just gotta decide which hole I’m taking it in I guess,” you groaned.

Jin’s eyebrows raised at your choice of words but they were apt, he supposed. People really do get comfortable with each other pretty quick when bonding over shared institutional rage.

“Well,” he began, wringing his hands nervously at what he was about to suggest. “You might be in luck cause I’ve recently decided to abuse my library powers for good and I maybe, possibly, could try and see if there’s some strings I can pull?”

You perked up a bit, looking at him incredulously.

Jin felt comfortably full under your stare.

“Seriously?”

The word was soft and it bounced off the walls just as much as it did the inside of his skull.

Swapping study rooms to help a friend out was one thing. But falsifying checkout dates for someone he barely knew—had essentially married in his maladaptive fantasies—could get him fired.

He hated this job but he needed it.

Were you worth the risk?

Of course, he found himself thinking without hesitation.

You were everything.

“Yeah, sure,” he nodded, any lingering uncertainty washing away at the way you looked at him through your lashes. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.”

“Are you always this nice?”

Jin didn’t answer right away. He was too caught up in how you’d leaned forward on your hands across the bench, peering like he was some exotic animal or a stray cat in the parking lot—all soft wonderment with fingers curling like they ached to grab hold and rescue him from this parchment scented monotony.

“Not always…”

“Should I feel special then?”

If his face wasn’t red before, it was now. Red and blistering under the summer campfire heat that radiated off you—woodsy and warm and so painfully familiar like an old friend’s hand.

“...I guess you—fucking definitely, ” he quite nearly shouted the last bit, startled by his own volume and already mortified at the outburst but then you chuckled again from beside him.

He turned to see you standing and offering a hand which he gladly too if only to feel the weight of your palm against his.

“Well, you’ll have to let me pay you back then.”

“Oh, no you don’t actually—”

You held a hand up and the words turned to ash on his tongue in an instant, mouth glued shut by your gesture.

“Coffee on me or something, there’s a nice cafe a few blocks from here,” you dropped your hand and your eyes were clear now, no sign of the previous afternoon sobbing alone in the hallway. Jin felt a surge in his chest knowing he was the one who did that. “You gotta pass off the contraband anyway, and I don’t think it would be that great of an idea to do it here.”

God you were fucking perfect.

“Can’t argue with that.”

***

Jin was sweating profusely as he snuck past the library attendant, totally inconspicuous and not not all looking like he was doing a single thing wrong in the slightest.

Yeah they definitely didn’t suspect a thing.

The process of fraud was actually a lot less complicated of an undertaking that Jin had expected. All he had to do was search up the book, find the student that had stolen the success of his sweetheart’s educational career and flag his account. They’d get an automated message about the flag, instructing them to return any borrowed items or they’d be forced to pay fines while the account was examined.

Technically he needed administrator credentials to report student accounts, but luckily Kurogiri had his login info written on a sticky note hidden on the back of the monitor. All in all it was a pretty easy job.

The whole thing had taken only a matter of days, in which time you had returned to the library only twice—the first to get confirmation on the success of Jin’s newest descent into low level crime which had set his heart thundering in his chest as you bent conspiratorially over his desk, your face just inches from his.

The second time, Jin had horrifically been absent from his desk, however he was met with possibly the most wonderful sight of his life upon returning from the labyrinth of shelves.

On one of the hundreds of post-it note pads that littered the library reception area, there were scribbles that he was sure hadn’t been there before. He almost tossed it, but upon closer inspection, you’d written your number there and signed just below it. In the cutest fucking handwriting he’d ever seen—cute not for any stylistic reason, but it simply felt that way just by virtue of it being yours—was written the digits and “-for book drop boy”

The noise he made reading that turned more than a dozen heads and almost got him fired there on the spot before any of his indiscretions were even discovered, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

So, nerve wrackingly, Jin texted you as he nearly sprinted home from his shift after that piece of shit asshole who made you cry had trudged angrily in and dropped off his ‘stolen’ book.

— HEY IT’S JIN!

— from the library

— shit sorry that wasn’t meant to be in caps

— n e way….

— I’ve intercepted the ~package~ so whenever you’re ready for the hand off, I’m good

Most perfect fucking human being to…

Oh my god thank you so much!!!—

Is tomorrow at like 5ish good for you?—

Also send me your order—

so we don’t have to do that awkward waiting in line for drinks bit—

Holy fuck you multi-texted too! Spinner would roll over in his fucking grave, he hated when Jin did that. But there was always so much to say and he could never think of it all at the same time. Plus, you wanted to save him from that god awful silence where you both stand in line next but he can’t talk cause he has keep repeating his order in his head over and over or he’ll blank when he gets to the register so it’s just this painful weird glancing back and forth—

Ugh, maybe all the shit about manifestation that girl who always loaned him exacto knives in his sculpting class always talked about was real.

Cause there was no way you weren’t just heaven-sent, handcrafted especially for him and all his general brand of weird.

The hours which usually flew by without Jin’s notice dragged all that night. He was so full of excess energy that made his hand shake and his thoughts race, not sure what to do with themselves now that they didn’t need to fantasize about you.

He decided to use all that extra motivation to vacuum the kitchen at 4:30 in the morning, much to his roommates' chagrin. She liked to get a nice solid eight hours every night and constantly reminded Jin of this, trying to sell him on that sleepy time tea before bed, though he really hated the smell of camomile.

Magne may lose out on some of her beauty sleep—not that she needed it and Jin would tell her that constantly, even if he did have some patently horrible judgment most of the time so he wasn’t really the best at offering reassurance—but the kitchen would be clean when she woke up so win-win really.

When she did wake up—wandering out of her room looking effortlessly put together in a way Jin could never hope to emulate—she sat at the table, sipping her tea and appraising him worriedly.

Jin was still in his jeans from the day before, hair spiking in every direction but down, and chewing his nails nervously despite losing most of them to the hour or two of early morning floor scrubbing.

“Babe,” she shook her head slowly, “take a breath.”

“Yeah okay,” he sighed and inhaled deeply, letting himself slide off the couch cushions and to the newly sparkling floors on the exhale.

“There, now wanna share what the hell is going on?”

He glanced up at her from the hardwood and groaned as she looked back down, brows furrowed over her glasses.

“Huhh, okay. So that absolute work of art from the library is meeting me for coffee later cause I have trade over this book I sort of stole, it’s a long story, and I don’t know if it’s a date—it sounds like a date, cause that’s where people go for dates and shit—but it might just be to pay me back for stealing the book. And if it is I’ve only ever been on that one date before which was with fucking Spinner like two years ago so—”

Magne held up a hand to quiet Jin before the speed of his words tied his tongue in physical knots. She looked contemplative, taking another soft sip of tea and nodding her head for a moment getting up to crouch on the floor by his head.

“You think too much for your own good, but never about the right things,” she mumbled, smoothing some of the hair from his face. “Does it really matter if this is a date or not?”

Jin blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” she chuckled in that way people do when kids ask them obvious questions—kindly, appreciative of the curiosity, “either way you cut it, you’ll be spending time with this person you like, yeah?”

“Mhm,” he hummed and sat up to face her as she stood.

“A date is just hanging out with a special name anyway,” Magne’s hands were firm but gentle as she hoisted Jin off the floor and onto his feet. “You’ll be fine.”

His shoulders slumped both in mild relief and dejection that he’d waisted so much precious time he could have been preparing possible topics of conversation or strategies to ask you out for real date on worrying over how this first time would go.

How did Magne always fucking know all this stuff?

Other people were such a mystery to him.

To be fair, though, Jin was a mystery to himself most of the time as well.

“Thanks, sorry for not saying anything about it earlier,” he sniffed as she smiled and pinched his cheek way fucking harder than necessary.

“It’s alright, I’m only a little insulted you waited until now to tell me about this massive crush you’ve developed.”

“Yeah it’s got its own gravitational pull at this point.”

Magne laughed at that and Jin felt the room lighten.

“I do expect details when you get back though,” she said pointedly, finishing her tea wandering back to her room to grab her bag. “Spinner asked me, very begrudgingly might I add, to fill in at another of his club tournament things tonight so I’ll be out late.”

“Really? I didn’t think you liked that stuff.”

Jin shuffled over to her doorway and peaked into the neat little space. Magne was rummaging through the meticulously organized closet and frowning as she answered.

“I do, Spinner just doesn’t agree with my battle strategies,” she huffed. “My alignment is far too ‘chaotic’ and ‘recklessly violent’ for his tastes apparently.”

“Oh, yeah that makes sense,” Jin laughed this time just envisioning the two of them stuck on a team. “Well have fun with that.”

“Yeah well,” she brushed by him into the hall, keys jangling as she went and calling over her shoulder. “Text me how it goes, and wear that new button up you got last week, it looks good on you!”

***

Much to Jin’s surprise and delight, Magne was right.

He was fine.

He was fine.

Fine was a bit subjective—as he was most certainly still highkey panicking on main as he got out of his last class and walked the short few blocks to the cafe on campus—but regardless he was perfectly okay.

Of course that all went right out the fucking window in the split second between him walking in and you already staring at the door as he entered. Your eyes widened just a bit and this smile broke out slowly across your cheeks when you waved him over and it was like suddenly every single creepy as hell day dream had just become reality.

It was a little overwhelming to say the least.

His heart may have actually stopped in his chest for a bit and he did contemplate the possibility that Kurogiri might have actually discovered his little plot, murdered him in cold blood and stuffed his body in the records room. This might all just be the afterlife, but that would mean that Jin had gone to some kind of heaven which didn’t really add up with his current tract record.

But it was fine.

Because you were really fucking easy to talk to.

Like, really fucking easy.

It was sorta strange actually, how you seemed to know all this shit he was into before he even really mentioned it.

After you traded off the goods, you both sat in the big comfy couches upstairs in the loft and you listened to him info dump, inevitably getting lost down innumerable unrelated tangents. You managed to keep up well enough though and not question the winding conversation.

“Damn,” he said, sipping at the last dregs left behind in his cup. “How do you know about all this stuff?”

“Uh,” you paused then, looking maybe just a bit sheepishly into your own drink. “I may or may not have spent a considerable amount of time eavesdropping into your conversations while you’re on shift.”

He saw flashes at that moment—dial up sounds going off between his ears.

Jin.exe has stopped working.

“...What?”

You grimaced and hid your face in your hands for a moment, “I know it sounds really creepy, my friends just sorta made a, um, game out of it? They tease me a lot about going to study at the library just cause of the cute guy that works there, so we all kinda stalk you a little bit just—wow this is sounding exponentially worse and worse every second.”

He gaped a bit despite himself as you cringed visibly and Jin tried to discreetly pinch his thigh to make sure this really wasn’t some sort of cruel, cruel fever dream.

“You think I’m cute…?”

He blinked once and your eyes shot up to meet his, a pained, half smile caught between your teeth. “I mean, yeah. I kinda thought I was being a bit obvious, sorry.”

“What no, holy fuck,” he spluttered, face on fire and legs bouncing restlessly against the couch across from you. “Don’t apologize, I have a, uh, staring habit too I guess.”

“I know,” you rubbed at the back of your neck and Jin didn’t think it was possible for you to be anymore endearing. “I’ve noticed, that’s like the whole reason I insisted on buying you a drink.”

“So wait is this a date?”

Jin wished almost immediately that he hadn’t asked, because Magne was right, it super didn’t matter but fucking shit on a stick he really wanted it to be a date!!!!

“Yeah,” you nodded. “If you’d like that.”

“Yes!—ah, I mean, uh yeah mhm,” Jin choked on his spit with enthusiasm, but it did earn him a concerned shoulder pat so he’d take the win.

It also afforded him the opportunity to walk you home after hours chatting until the streets were lit by burnt orange lamps and the cafe was closing. You didn’t live all that far from him actually and when you stopped to point out your door, the two of you were overcome by that telltale, charged silence.

Filled with potential.

Like a gas stove waiting for a spark to go up in flames.

It was you that struck the match.

“So, um, I promise I don’t just, uh, do this with everyone but, do you wanna maybe come inside,” you let your hand trail down his arm and slip into his palm, “I don’t feel like you’ve been properly compensated for saving my ass.”

Jin’s mouth was watering at the thought. He nodded slowly, eyes like saucers as you pulled him up your steps and through the door which shut promptly behind him.

Your place was nice in the sense that it fit you. He wasn’t really paying all that much attention to his surroundings as you locked the door and squeezed his hand in yours, leading him towards the end of the entrance hall.

When he stepped through to your bedroom, you toed off your shoes and he did the same, staring nervously and waiting for you to show him what exactly you meant by ‘further compensation.’

It was exactly what he’d hoped.

You approached him, still in the doorway, and stepped close so your chests brushed together. It was soft, the way you looked at him, sort of fuzzy around the edges while your hands trailed down his arms to place his palms at your waist.

It wasn’t like Jin hadn’t done this before—he totally had and definitely remembered all of it and wasn’t shit faced at all nope—but it hadn’t really mattered before. He knew in theory that he should take the lead, be a gentleman and make the first move and holy fucking god he was dying over there with the desire to finally live out his months and months of fantasies

But what if he did it wrong?

What if he ruined it now when he was so close to the finish line?

He’d never fucking forgive himself for it, and he could goddamn hear Magne in his head.

“You think too much for your own good.”

And he did, and he was right now, cause the room was only dimly lit by the street light streaming in through the window and you were reaching out to loop your arms behind his neck.

Should he lean down now?

Tilt left or right?

What if he clacked your teeth together?

What if—

Your lips were soft and hot against his, rubbing at the stubble on his chin before pressing close in that precious, puzzle-piece way human bodies fit together. He didn’t do much thinking after that.

His hands were too busy digging into the flesh of your hips separated by way to many fucking layers of fabric, and he couldn’t quite stop himself from indulging just a bit. Jin sucked gently at your lower lip, knees going weak at the glorious fucking sound you made in the back of your throat as he licked over the taught skin and tugged it between his teeth.

He could feel you smiling into his mouth, sharing breath and raking your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. Jin groaned and you—fucking cheeky little bastard—slipped your tongue right past his lips and licked at the back of his fucking teeth like a popsicle in July.

Your hands in his hair hard tugged and his breath was coming faster, lips gliding against yours as the room turned to steam around him.

Through the haze he clung to the few remaining seconds of clarity.

Jin pulled away for one painful second to mumble against your lips.“You meant have sex, right?”

“Yeah,” your voice was barely more than a whisper, but you nodded frantically and rolled your hips against his.

“Ohh fuck, ‘kay good, thank god.”

For once Jin had nothing more to add.

And you weren't exactly willing to give him back his tongue long enough for any interruptions anyway.

***

“Holy fucking shit, look at you,” Jin gasped into your ear.

Both of your clothes had been discarded long ago, and he had your bare back to his chest while he sat propped against the headboard with your legs hooked on either side of his knees. It didn’t afford him the best view, but he got your head resting on his shoulder and pretty moans spilling right into his ear.

He didn’t need to see your pussy anyway.

The slick pouring out of your pretty fucking hole and coating his fingers as he pumped two of them into you was more than enough. His other hand wandered in the lovely expanse of space between your chest and your waist, running softly over the skin and pausing to pinch and roll your nipples just to hear you whine.

His cock was so fucking hard, trapped between your ass and his stomach, twitching every time you thrust your hips to meet the movement of his wrist.

“Jin, fuck please-”

You used his name every time you begged him for more and it was really going to his head.

“You’re so goddamn perfect, I’m gonna fucking ruin you,” he groaned and sunk his fingers deeper into your soaking cunt while his mouth dropped to your neck and sucked hard to mark you lovely skin.

He licked at the indents of his teeth, tasting your sweat on his tongue that tangled with yours again as your hand reached for his cheek and pulled him in. It was less of a kiss and more of a sloppy forming of your mouths that left you connected by a silvery string of spit that flashed in the low light. Jin sighed at the sight, rutting his hips against the cleft of your ass.

Your thighs twitched where they were spread and your hips lifted off the mattress to meet the languid thrusts of his fingers that curled up on every push in to hear the hitch in your breath.

He took pity on you and brought his other hand down to rub circles on your clit, listening for the telltale whimpers and the way your nails dug into his arm to find the perfect rhythm.

“I don’t really—mm, there fuck—feel like I’m paying you back right now,” you mumbled nipping your own trail of stepping stone bruises onto his throat as he picked up the pace and held steady on that sweet bundle of nerves.

“Are you fucking serious?”

He didn’t really mean to full on growl at you then, but just the thought that you’d really believe he wasn’t about to fucking drown in ecstasy just from watching you get off—just from touching, speaking, being in anyway acknowledged by you at all. Jin nudged your head to the side and bit down harshly into the crook of your neck, shuddering as you moaned and arched against his chest.

In any other scenario, he could never really find the right balance between too many words and not enough. The sheer volume of thoughts and interjections that raced like cars reaching the end of rush hour traffic made the formulation of any coherent conversation impossible, but now—

Now with your body so pliant in his hands, so willing and sweet and wanting him.

Wanting him.

What a concept.

He needed you to understand, to know how fucking over the moon, sunshine bright you had him burning.

And for once, he finally had the words to do it.

After all, he’d had months to prepare.

It was surprisingly easy to change your positions, to pull away from you for just a moment so he could roll and cage you on your hands and knees under him, ass in the air nestled against his cock.

“You really don’t think I’m getting anything out of this?” he groaned into you ear, rocking his length against you both for emphasis and because it felt so fucking good.

“Ah, well ya know,” your voice was so wrecked he was desperate to find out how much it would take for you to lose it entirely. “When you put it like that—mmh—I just feel bad you’re doing all the work. ”

You had this cheeky fucking grin on your face when you rocked forward so back so his cock slipped down to your dripping lips. The heat of your cunt was mesmerizing and it took a fuck ton of self control Jin was unaware he possessed to not ram straight into you right then.

“Yeah cause I’ve wanted to for fucking months goddamn it’s driving me insane.”

“What?”

Now that he’d started, Jin couldn’t find it in himself to stop. His hands dug hard into your hips, rocking so the tip of his dick caught your clit and you shivered below him, hot skin sliding with the motion of your bodies.

“It’s all I think about whenever I see you,” he was shaking when his hand reached down to grip himself, spreading your folds and soaking his length in your slick. “When you come in to work I just fucking lose myself thinking about how bad I want you to be mine, my pretty fucking thing to bring me coffee while I work and let me fuck you in the backroom.”

You whimpered under him, face pressed into the mattress as he draped himself over you, chest to back with his breath ghosting over your ear.

“Literal hours I just sit there at that awful fucking job and I only keep coming cause of you, cause I can watch you sit all cute in your chair and watch the way your cheeks squish up when you put your face in your hands and imagine they’re my hands and I’m about to spit in your fucking mouth so you remember who you belong too.”

“I—” you were nearly choking on the drool that soaked through your sheets as Jin lined himself up with your pretty little hole, pressing just the tip into your heat. “I didn’t think you ever—nggh, shit—noticed much about me.”

The corners of his eyes burned as sweat dripped down his forehead, he had to hold back a sob as he sheathed another inch into those perfect walls.

“Notice you? You’re all I fucking think about,” he pressed his lips softly against your shoulder, hands running from your chest to your sides as you took his cock and every word that slipped from his lips without complaint. “I could take such good care of you. I just fucking know it, just please, let me take care of you?”

“Fuck Jin,” your voice was closer to a sob than anything else but he needs you screaming. “You don’t really have to convince me—”

His patience had run out long ago, not even willing to let you finish before he’d sunk in to the hilt, spearing you on his cock with one final thrust. You ass was flush with his hips and his balls hung heavy and tight against the back of your thighs. The strangled little cry that worked its way out of your throat had gooseflesh erupting across his arms where he held you to him.

Jin couldn’t really be sure—it wasn’t like his brain was all that functional on a day to day basis and it most certainly was not now—but your walls clenching around him and that addictive warm, wet feeling milking his cock was on a whole other level than any fuck he’d ever had before.

There was something about the curve of your back against his chest, and the way you seemed to suck him in, drawing his length back in just seconds after he’d pulled out. Some about the feeling of your chest in his hands, of the sweat on your skin that he licked off in a long strip up your spine. Like you really were made for him. As though all those months spent in dream land, concocting your pretend lives together had spilled over into reality, molding you into the perfect shape to take him deep and hard and cry while you came on his cock just like he knew you were meant to.

“Oh, fuck yeah, gonna make you feel so good, I promise,” he mumbled, forehead pressed to the nape of your neck as his hips drew back and he sunk into you over and over again.

He needed you to moan louder, needed your neighbors on the other side of every wall to hear what he did to you, how he fucked you dumb on his cock and made you drunk with the pleasure of it—slutty and perfect and better than any fantasy he could ever concoct.

The room was filled completely with the wet slap of your bodies—his balls tightening up just at the squelch of you taking him—leaving only enough space for your cries and his grunting, no room left for any bitter doubt to creep in and ruin the sweetness in the air.

He could feel the surge growing in his stomach, the tensing in his thighs as his hips stuttered, but he needed you to cum first. Wanted to tip over the edge to the feeling of you spasming around him, so he let a hand slip from your hip to your folds. Jin only paused for a moment to run a finger around your stretched hole, feeling himself plunging into you, before drifting back up to your swollen clit and working the sensitive bud.

The mattress creaked and rocked along as Jin increased his pace, shifting his hips until his tip knocked against something that had your hands fisting in the sheets and your tongue lolling out in between cries of his name.

You didn’t give him much a warning, not that he minded really. Just a muffled shout with your head smashed into the pillows and the tightening of your walls surrounding him before he felt your whole body wracked with tremors so hard he had to wrap both arms around your middle and hold you while he rammed into you.

Jin wasn’t really keeping track of the filth that was pouring from his lips as he brought himself closer to release. A lot of encouragement, that you were taking him so well, cumming so pretty for him, mixed with a lot of thanks—for letting him have this, have you, for not casting him aside like everyone else always inevitably did.

He did have the clarity to drag one arm up and link your fingers together, pressing hard into the bed while blood pounded in his ears and his hips stuttered in their relentless rhythm. When Jin did finally cum, it was a strangely silent affair, all the words and sound that usually roared inside him dying on his lips as his cock spilled milky release deep inside you and your walls fluttered at the fullness.

And then it was as though every muscle in his body changed physical states.

Boneless, he collapsed onto you with a little huff. You didn’t even complain, just squeezed his hand tighter in yours and hummed at the weight of him.

“Well I think that was a, um,” you panted while he nuzzled his face deeper into your neck, “pretty equivalent exchange yeah?”

“I don’t know,” Jin kissed and nipped at the sweet skin of your shoulder, “I think you might have over paid a bit.”

You laughed, the joyous movement of your chest jostled him from your back and had his soft cock slipping from you in a gush of combined release. “I doubt that very much, I didn’t know I’d be getting to take your fucking load as part of the deal.”

“Shit,” he felt his heart seize in his chest, raising up on his elbows to look down as you turned to him. “I’m sorry, I should have asked.”

Your hand came up to stroke his cheek, clammy but welcome. He sat up enough so you could lay on your back and pull him back down to your chest amidst the sweat and cum slicked sheets.

“Don’t worry about it, I would have asked you to anyway,” you kissed the baby frizz at his hairline and if Jin hadn’t already melted into a puddle, then he certainly was now. “If I’d been able to talk at all.”

“Ha, yeah….”

A short silence descended in your dark bedroom. The noise of cars and the occasional shout filtered in through the window, but there was no other sound than your evening breaths. Jin tried not to ruin the peace while he had it.

It was such a rare commodity.

But he couldn’t say he mourned the quiet when you finally spoke.

“Did you wanna stay the night?” you asked in that soft way he always envisioned you would.

Soft so he’d know it was just a courtesy.

That you didn’t want him to leave.

“Uh, yeah, yes I would,” he stumbled over the words a bit, trying not to sound too eager but wanting you to know he would work a thousands shifts at the reception desk if it meant you held him for just a second longer.

“Good,” you sighed.

He felt you scoot down the bed and flopped onto his back so you could settle your head on his chest and drape an arm across his stomach. After another few minutes he felt you go limp at his side, soft and relaxed as you slipped away into dreams.

But though his muscles ached and his eyes felt heavy, Jin resisted the call to sleep.

He didn’t need to now.

You were here, in the flesh, and he could study you intently while his eyes were open.

No need for his brain to conjure up scattered images of you.

Because he had you now, tucked safely under his arm for him to keep and hold and fuck and love the way he wanted.

So there was no more need for sleep.

And no need for dreams.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Nothing triggering just don't want my ramblings reblogged and taken wildly out of context

Saw someone's Carrd bc someone else was making fun of their DNI and one of the things on it was "systems" and I'm like u know what actually. That's fine I agree I'd put that on my own DNI most systems online annoying AF esp if they self describe as systems LMAO. Like I won't bc I don't particularly care but I am gonna be 100% and say that when I have met people IRL who have told me they are systems right away 99% of them have gone on to be the most uncomfortable and terrible experiences only a little ways down the road. There are exceptions I think it's highly in the way you frame it but. Yeah.

Plus I mean it didn't even say smth like pwDID so I'd personally interpret it more like. IDK how I don't like ppl who self describe as "aspies" which is a distinct subcategory of people w autism. Like that's not about the autism itself yanno it's about the self-decided identity one has chosen to use moreso than the actual. Diagnosis or whatever.

Ofc my personal opinion on DNIs (that they're kinda pointless at best) still stands who I have no horse in this race at all really I'm just a funny guy on the internet.

Also ofc this does not apply to any of my moots ILY all dearly none of y'all are annoying that's why we're moots. Plus like. The context of Tumblr dot com is different on account of. I talk abt DID here ofc people are gonna talk abt DID.

Which is different than, for example, me being at a party and someone just out of the blue talking about being a system which is a real thing that did happen and was extremely weird of them and clearly made a lot of people around them mega uncomfortable LMAO...like not just the disclosure of a diagnosis but it was def talked about in a weird sort of TMI way and also like. At a party it's like ok what...where do u want this conversation to go u know. Like if I'm like "I've been rly enjoying Hannibal recently" someone can respond with "OMG I love that show" or "I want to watch it, I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds tho" or "I tried it and didn't rly like it, but I love Madds Mickelson" or whatever like that's me saying a thing about me to which the other person can talk about them like how mutually enjoyable casual conversation goes but when it's smth like "I have DID I'm plural wanna hear abt my alters" like IDK what are the responses to that. Feels like it's mostly. You want the convo to center around you.

And ofc that's not necessarily always a bad thing it's just. Not exactly a party kind of conversation to have with people who just met you. Like ofc there are times and places where you can and should have conversations focused on you it's just like..........a party with strangers is not one of them. There's a huge difference between like. Sitting down with a friend or loved one to talk about your DID/OSDD and that.

Also ofc ofc autism w/e can influence like. Social cue awareness like that n everything. But intent vs impact doing it out of like. Ignorance doesn't make it any less uncomfortable for ppl. Like I've definitely pulled an autism and had social cues fuckin zoom over my head at the speed of sound (ha) and made ppl uncomfortable but u do gotta own that to some degree. Bc there is a point where not knowing social cues does evolve into willfully ignoring social cues.

TLDR

Anyway this is long rambling about nothing I'm just thinking thoughts

[misschinablue]

Found this on my dash. Wasn't tagged. Doing it anyway on House MD.

What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?* Uhh I'll weakly say Huddy. I completely get it objectively, I just don't ship it.

Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?* Nah. I pretty much ship all the guys. Wilson/Foreman is an underrated af ship I've only ever found like 5 fics.

Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? I've unfollowed someone over total nonsense in relation to this show but I don't know if that counts.

Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?* See question one.

Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?* Nah, I don't let it. It's not that deep.

Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?* Chameron grew on me after a while. Used to find them both annoying af but now I think they cute.

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?* No.

Have you received anon hate? What about?* I've avoided it so far, somehow. With the kind of shit I post for SPN these days however I'm sure my days are numbered.

Most disliked character(s)? Why? Everyone in this show is an absolute asshole (bar Cameron and Kutner and maybe Cuddy) and I love them all. I couldn't say I dislike anyone.

Most disliked arc? Why? House crashing his car into Cuddy's home and then the next few episodes telling us why we should feel sorry for House. Plus it was so out of character. That ruined the show a little for me, but then the cancer arc made up for it.

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? I don't think he's unpopular as such but my soft spot for Chase has been challenged on a couple of occasions. I get it, he's awful. But he's also baby and I can't not love him.

Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? Hmm don't think so. My favourites are the Tritter and the Dibala arcs and they're pretty popular to my knowledge.

Unpopular opinion about XXX character? Cuddy deserved so much better.

Unpopular opinion about your fandom? Not going there lol

Unpopular opinion about the manga/show? Couid have benefited from shorter seasons here and there but that's American telly for ya.

If you could change anything in the show, what would you change? House and Wilson getting married in Vegas, WIlson going into spontaneous remission the next day and then both of them living bickeringly married ever after. Of course.

Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen… See above.

Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased? Lmao what no obviously not ship whatever the fuck you want

What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom? I don't hate it but I do mostly avoid it these days because there are a lot of minors around and that makes me a bit uncomfortable re interacting with someone half my age accidentally. Ya'll weren't even born when the show started airing where the hell did you come from. Power to you though I guess.

What is the purest ship in the fandom? I'm going to give the rogue answer of Chouse.

What are your thoughts on crack ships? Whatever you want

Popular character you hate? I don't hate any of them. I don't like Taub but he's still entertaining. Cameron gets on my nerves a little sometimes but I don't hate her.

Unpopular character you love? I don't think there are any massively unpopular characters?

Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not? I'm constantly trying to get ppl who haven't seen it to watch it what do u mean. I even got my friend who has no involvement in any sort of fandom whatsoever shipping Hilson. It was a hard road but after we watched half of season 3 one hungover Sunday afternoon it clicked for her. I was so proud.

How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX? See questions 16 and 17.

Most shippable character? My slutty boy Chase

Least shippable character? My pure boy Kutner

tagging @amill22 @decadent-prince @kuk-kuru-kuu @speedingintonowhere and anyone else who wants to do this

[strayen-fx]

Doubtless

》 Lee Minho x Reader

》 Angst, Fluffy end

》 Pangs of jealousy could still hit an established relationship, or where Minho is a choreographer and Y/N can't help but feel jealous because of a certain idol Minho is teaching.

》 Wordcount: 2.5k

》 Warnings: mention of overwork, insecurity

》 a/n: I'm back, hi! hihi

°°°

Being in a relationship with Minho hasn't been the easiest thing, but for you, it has been the bestest decision you have ever made.

You were college sweethearts, both of you meeting at an audition for the school's official dance group. After graduating, Minho decided to join a famous dance studio as one of its choreographers while you chose to focus on your professional field.

Adulting didn't come easy, as the two of you were bombarded with busy schedules for almost every week on end. It hasn't been the easiest thing, but after some time, the both of you have learned to adjust and manage your time. You have also decided to move in together, because 1.) you wanted to spend as much of your free time with each other as possible, and 2.) let's be honest, rent is expensive af.

Despite that, it was still difficult for you to spend quality time together because of Minho's hectic and jam-packed sched. Even in weekends, he would be busy coming up with dance moves for the kpop groups assigned to him. Hence, you usually make up to this by visiting him in the studio and bringing him your homecooked meals. You would bring a portion for you as well so you could eat with him. This is something that he adored so much, it eventually became a regular routine for weekends.

That Saturday was no exception. Wearing your favorite casual clothes plus Minho's purple hoodie, you drove to the dance studio with packed lunch for the both of you. You greeted the other dancers you met in the building, and there you met Momo, another buddy in your college dance group.

"Y/nnieeee!!!" Momo said, approaching you into a tight hug. "I've missed you!"

You returned the hug and giggled. "We only met like last week though?"

"That is forever ago. You should just work with us here so I could always hang out with you," Momo complained.

"Once I get fired in my current job, I'll be sure to send you my resume."

"Should I use my connections to get you fired, then?"

You talked with Momo for a while, until she remembered that she left her students unsupervised and she was only supposed to get some water.

"Minho is in Studio E," Momo said. "He's assigned to teach a rookie girl group, my forte, while I'm assigned to a dorky and loud boy group. Where's justice in that?" She sighed deeply. "Anyway. I'll get going. Let's grab coffee some time!"

You waved and watched as Momo begrudgingly trudged towards Studio A. You laughed a bit to yourself before heading to the opposite direction.

When you peered through the door of Studio E, you noticed at least six ladies sitting on the floor, talking and fanning themselves. You knocked twice before opening the door. Few of the girls looked up and bowed awkwardly. They probably thought you were just a staff bringing Minho some food.

The man in question, however, failed to notice you. He was busy giving a one-on-one lesson to another girl, them being the only ones standing. It probably shouldn't have irked you so much, seeing that Minho is a choreographer and it is, indeed, his job to teach idols their choreography. However, being a dancer yourself and watching them there for a solid minute, you know that the girl was just goofing around and pretending not to understand the moves. She even laughed and slapped Minho's chest jokingly as if they were close friends. You couldn't see your boyfriend's reaction from where you stood, but what you witnessed was enough to dampen your mood.

You fake-coughed, causing Minho to finally notice you. His eyes lit up, and that was almost enough to rebrighten your mood. Almost, for you could still see the girl he was teaching earlier, with her eyebrows shot up like she was annoyed for the interference.

Minho jogged to where you stood and you gave him a quick peck on the lips. This took him by surprise--you weren't usually the type of person to show skinship when there are strangers around. This made Minho smile, though, thinking that you just missed him too much.

"Lunch break, everyone," Minho told the girls. He then took your hand and led you out of the room towards the staff's pantry.

When you got there, Minho excitedly opened the lunch you prepared, asking you about your day as he did so. You tried to act normal--afterall, you have no reason to be jealous, right? Plus, this is Minho you're talking about. You've known each other for years, he's not gonna dump you for an idol he just met.

Right?

"Baby?"

Your head shot up, realizing that Minho was talking to you. "Yeah?"

He chuckled. "What's wrong? Stunned by my visuals yet again?"

You rolled your eyes, used to his teasing antics. "Just tired, I guess. Eat your meal before it gets cold."

His gaze softened. He reached for your hand, squeezing it a bit. "I told you, you could take some rest during weekends. You don't have to force yourself to drive all the way here to bring me lunch. You took overtime last night, I'm sure you've been busy in the office."

You smiled at him, reaching out to squish his cheeks. "And I told you, bringing you lunch would never be tiring for me if it means that I could spend time with this lovely face."

Minho grinned. "I'm irresistible, I know."

You playfully pinched his cheek. "Just eat, you handsome creature."

You watch Minho as he ate, admiring how he looked food-deprived by the way he gobbled his meal. For the nth time in your long relationship, you wondered how you got so lucky to have someone like him. At the same time, you wondered how long you would be this lucky--wondered how long you would be able to watch him up close like this. You wondered: did you really deserve him? And what will happen if he realizes that, no, he doesn't want you after all?

"Uhh.. Min?"

"Ggnnmm?" he grumbled in a mouthful of food.

You stifled your laughter, finding the moment too cute to be destroyed by your depressing thoughts. "Have I ever told you that you look like a cat when you eat like that?"

°°°

It has been days since you visited Minho's studio. He was still teaching the girls you saw last weekend, due to the fact that "the choreo was too complicated" and a certain someone named Ahra was "finding certain parts difficult and needed to be trained personally by a professional choreographer." So of course, Minho can't say no. You visited once during the week, dropping off a change of clothes Minho forgot to bring, and you saw the girl again laughing and talking with Minho comfortably. Minho didn't seem annoyed. If anything, you felt like he was enjoying her company.

It was Friday when Minho came home and told you that he had to come with the girls to Gwangju where they would hold the music fest the following week.

"But why, though?" you asked Minho, genuinely confused. "You are a choreographer, not a manager."

"I know," Minho said. He looked tired, and part of you was feeling bad for questioning him like this. But you just can't help yourself--not after seeing that Ahra's body language towards your boyfriend. "But baby, their company pleaded for me to come with them to guide the group. They're rookies. They need as much help as they can."

A part of you understood. You wanted this relationship to be rational and matured. You promised to understand each other's line of work. So you just nodded, trying your best not to show your sadness... disappointment? Jealousy? All of the above?

°°°

Weekend came. You told Minho you were going to hangout with Momo for lunch. It was one reason, but the other main reason was that you didn't want to see Ahra flirting with your man right in front of you.

Momo chose a Japanese restaurant for your weekend hangout, saying she missed the dishes she had back home. Right after you've placed your order, your friend made a show of placing her elbows on the table with her chin on her fingers, looking straight into your eyes. "Now spill the tea."

You chuckled. "What?"

"While I know that you value our friendship more than most of everything else, I know that you won't ditch Minho for a simple lunch opportunity. Now spill."

"Uhh... maybe I'm making time with you because you're gonna be away for three days in Gwangju?"

"Oh, that music fest? I'm not coming with them though," she said, casually sipping water. "I have whipped my group into magnificent perfection, they don't need me to tag along. Plus, what would I do there? Chaperone their asses on the bus? Teach them the choreo while they're sightseeing? Please."

You sighed. Yeah, it doesn't make sense for an outsourced choreographer to tag along an idol group. They have their own trainors. And the trip was for three days to allow the idols some time for broadcasted sightseeing. They won't have time for heavy dance practices.

"But Minho is coming with the group assigned to him," you mentioned.

Momo almost choked on her mineral water. "What? Why? And why haven't I heard of this?"

Oh.

You shrugged. "Maybe my boyfriend is onto something--someone--else."

Momo's gaze softened. "Y/n..."

"I mean, the way that Ahra flirted with him? I wouldn't be surprised."

"C'mon y/nnie, do you really think Min would cheat on you? After, what, your five-year relationship?"

"When faced with a beautiful idol, why not?" Your eyes were starting to get watery. You weren't much of an emotional person, but right at that moment, you just wanted to bawl your eyes out. "I mean, Ahra is beautiful, right? You've seen her. Tall, flawless, gorgeous. And talented, too. I've searched about her group, and turns out she's the main vocal." You pointed at yourself. "And what do we have here?"

"YA! Don't you ever look down on yourself like that!" Momo said, slapping the table. "Have you forgotten that you're the main dancer of our dance group? That you were scouted by the leading agencies and you turned them all down? That if you decided not to focus on your academics, you would have been one of the leading dancers in the whole country? Y/N!"

"But--"

"I'M NOT YET DONE. And even without considering those, do you really think Minho is only looking at a person's outward appearance? Do you really think that, y/n?"

"No..." you whispered. "Momo, I understand now, please tone your voice down a little."

Momo discreetly looked around and noticed a few people staring. She sighed, composed herself, and spoke in a calmer voice, "Do you remember when Minho courted you? He was so shy, he can't even look you in the eyes without turning beet red. Literally the entire dance group had to help him express his feelings for you."

You smiled at the memory, remembering a slightly younger Minho flushing red while holding out a bunch of flowers.

"And even months prior to that. He was so dense, his hyungs in the group literally had to smack his head for him to realize that he likes you, even when the entire campus could already notice his heart-shaped eyes whenever he's with you." Momo sighed. "My point is, do you really think a guy like Minho could cheat on you?"

You reminisced about all those years you have been together. Minho is a sweet, understanding person. He sees beauty in everything around him. He sees beauty in you even when you yourself couldn't see it. He was there through the happy and ugly times, and he never once let go of your hand. He has been patient with you through everything. He is the best man you have ever met.

Momo sighed again for the umpteenth time that day. "The biggest flaw on him though is that he's way, waaaay too dense. Remember that one time before you got together, a girl was obviously making a move on him and he didn't even know until the girl walked out calling him a jerk."

You laughed at that. "He's flirty at times but he's too numb when he's on the receiving end."

The two of you laughed at that.

°°°

Later that day, Momo texted you. She checked in with the studio staff and apparently, Minho tagging along to the music fest was a special request by the higher ups of the girls' agencies, and it was a sort of rushed request. You thanked her for the information, mentally punching yourself for ever doubting Minho like that.

The following day was Minho's trip to Gwangju. You couldn't drive him to the station due to an urgent meeting, so you just gave him a hasty farewell kiss on the lips while he was preparing his breakfast. He just smiled up at you without saying a word. That small gesture made your heart clench, feeling guilty for doubting him and not spending time with him the day prior. You made a mental note to welcome him properly upon his return.

But for now, you have to survive those three incoming days alone in your apartment.

The whole day, you couldn't concentrate at work. You kept on worrying if Minho had arrived safely in his destination, if he had eaten enough, if he was warm and hydrated enough. When you asked him all these through text, he only replied with a short "don't worry too much 💝" You didn't know what to feel about it. He certainly felt that something was off, you thought. He was probably mad at me.

When you got home, a plastic of takeout on one hand and a heavy burden on your chest, you were prepared to be welcomed by the saddening darkness and silence of the night. But instead, what welcomed you was a candle-lit dining table filled with all your favorite food, complete with wine plus smooth music.

Minho stepped out from your shared room, a bouquet of roses in hand, smiling shyly while scratching his neck.

"This isn't really my thing..." he whispered.

Meanwhile you stood there, frozen in place, your jaw slack. "W-why... Min... but you're supposed to be...?"

Minho laughed. "I asked Felix to take my place. He gladly accepted." He walked closer to you, handing you the roses. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice if my one and only jealous baby has been acting weirdly?"

Your eyes widened. You dropped your gaze to the floor, embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Minho stepped closer, caging you in a hug. "I'm the one who should be sorry for making you feel like that. I should never allow you to feel like you're lacking in any way. I should never give you a reason to doubt my love for you."

"But there was no reason. I was just reaching when I assumed you--"

"Sshh." Minho tightened the hug and kissed the top of your head. The two of you stayed like that for a while, swaying gently with the soft music.

"I love you, y/n. Longer than forever, I'm yours."

"I love you, too, Minho. I will love you longer than forever."

°°°

[caricature-of-a-witch]

things I liked about the 1st episode of the Loki show

bc my other post was salty and I want to balance it out a bit because I did enjoy it so here, have a random list of stuff I liked and that I think can be worked with (fanfic writers I'm begging you. my creativity has died some time back and refuses to return so I can't do it myself)

• love the idea of Loki losing a bet to Thor that leads to committing Midgard Crimes. how the fuck did they get Heimdall to cooperate. the Bifrost snatching Loki up mid-air in free fall. did Odin know of this misuse of his gatekeeper. did Loki talk him into that and Heimdall got in trouble in the end and that's why he doesn't like Loki what's the story here this is amazing. does Loki keep whatever money made it to Asgard in some corner as a trophy. does he buy ice cream with it. is there a list of unsolved mysteries where the solution is simply "Loki" I bet there is

• sneaky sneaky stealing of the collar loop remote thing. and making very good use of it, and annoying Mobius in the process :D

• still holding on to the Tesseract even when it's essentially useless. but who knows what the future brings, right, so better keep the teleportation cube

• anyone else hear Casey say "you're that criminal with the blue box" and think of Doctor Who for a hot second?? time travel, blue box, Doctor sure has been arrested a few times... please tell me I'm not the only one

• I very much enjoyed the vindictive looping of Hunter B-15 (do these people just... not get names. that seems not at all rude and dehumanising. or depersonising idk). and also the fact that there were still tears on his face and going by his expression it brought him about zero joy, which in turn brings me a lot of joy because I love seeing my faves trying to be happy but failing

• speaking of which, have a short list of things that give me the potential to hurt Loki in fun ways:

- I'm still 100% convinced that the falling into the Void thing gave him fall-related trauma, which is great for when he literally gets the floor pulled out under him multiple times in a row in an already uncomfortable af experience

- does the collar loop reset thing... hurt in some way? he's sort of doubling over the second time Hunter B-15 does that when he tries to run off (though he might have just. run into something??), and seems sort of vaguely uncomfortable/in pain after various uses by either Mobius or himself (granted there's the sudden lack of chair when he gets relooped into a sitting position but... look he's also just been Hulk-smashed a few hours ago and I want the loop to hurt, just go with me here)

- he's giving up, returning to Mobius's totally-not-a-murder-chamber, watching his predetermined life, and half a second from full on sobbing right there on screen, sitting alone in a room where everyone who's after him will eventually find him. beautiful. amazing. 100/10 please do it again. and then seeing him on the floor all dejected looking small playing around with the Tesseract, while saying aloud all the stuff that would have gone into meta on Tumblr if he hadn't said it. not sure how in character I find this (I don't, really) but I sure do enjoy hearing and seeing him in that state, so I won't complain.

• last but not least: I've seen one or two posts mentioning how Loki cries at every death he sees but laughs at his own, which. is incredibly sad and breaks my heart BUT I propose a different interpretation: it takes him a while to get to the laughing part after seeing himself die (and I will not get into the bullshit that was his death because that's been done), and I think it's less "hah how fitting of course that's all I'll ever get" but more of a realisation... because he's taken the first step away from that. he's stepped away from that timeline, and yeah that's why he's now in hella trouble, but - it's different trouble. he can make something of that trouble. it's his choice that led him here - Mobius going on about how "oh suuuure your life is all your choice keep telling yourself that" but his presence here, the fact that he's here being lectured about what his life is supposed to be, is proof that it can be changed! Frigga is supposed to die violently due to Dark Elves, but that hasn't happened yet. not to him. she's still alive, Odin and Thor are still alive and well, Loki is still alive, and he's already, unwittingly, taken the first step to ensuring it stays that way, because he's changed something, he's on a different path. just because the TVA says he's destined to die at Thanos's hand doesn't mean he will because he's Loki and he chooses his own goddamn path, Time Keepers and everyone else be damned.

(There's also his line to Mobius near the end, "The TVA is formidable," which to me sounds like the tentative beginnings of a plan might be forming and he's gotta sweet-talk Mobius a bit. who'll be expecting that, I guess, but hey it's a start!)

side note, I cannot believe I'm actively posting so much about this, what the hell.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?

jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:

i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like

and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.

but!

that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.

and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).

i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.

my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.

like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)

if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.

it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.

and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets

idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset

and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.

(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)

none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare

i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell

uh

the end ig?

it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e

-diz

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so my thought is that like maybe he's been sorting out a Cass rage because he's actually going to this festival and she's fuming about it for obvious reasons but then he comes back and Janis is thinking that Harry might show up cos had that convo with Grace so she's being weird and he's like ?] Janis: [solid plan, awks all 'round, just tryna play off you've been busy whilst he's been arguing like oh hi, definitely didn't hear any of that 'alright?'] Jimmy: [just going for a 🚬 immediately because he's obvs not alright] Janis: fair Janis: they could take a few tips, like Jimmy: gutted they don't know where I live then Jimmy: for that and loads of other reasons, like Janis: naturally Janis: such good craic, who wouldn't want them popping over for a cuppa Jimmy: hot water and 🍋 is nearer to the order they'd put in Janis: do you charge for that at CG? Janis: probably a couple of euro, still Jimmy: put a fancy name on it and you can charge for owt Janis: they're stupid enough to buy it Janis: we're definitely getting them the cheapest paint-thinner vodka, yeah Jimmy: what do you want? 🍾? Janis: 🙄 deffo Janis: any +1s I can get Jimmy: such a celebration 🙌 Janis: everyone's feeling it Janis: we might not end up going anyway Jimmy: what? Janis: you know, fuck knows where they're all at with it Janis: 🤞 I've convinced Grace she has to though Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: whose idea were this? obvs a right dickhead Janis: yeah Janis: if we don't bottle it she can't Janis: tried her best but Jimmy: bottle her before I stay here Janis: you gotta be hot about it Janis: rude Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: come sit with me Janis: you sure Jimmy: you don't wanna? Janis: just thinking if there's any more shit news I have to give you before I do Jimmy: is there? Janis: I dunno Janis: you given any thought to who Mia's mystery guest could be Jimmy: I reckon that 🏌 trip her daddy's on might be #fake Janis: that'd make it all worth it Janis: none of us are that 🍀 Jimmy: or she's choosing now to come out with her 🤞 you will an' all Janis: shut up Janis: you're meant to think Asia is irreplaceable Jimmy: duh Jimmy: I know I'm #blessed Janis: you're the only one Jimmy: 😏 Janis: we all know Mia isn't surprising her with lizard boy Jimmy: or 🐸 from previous Janis: if we're doing a this is your life of her exes, she'll need a bus Jimmy: Alright, no need to make me jealous Jimmy: can't be arsed with the green emojis Janis: you can't be Janis: very #ungoals Janis: they're all massive slags and proud Janis: 'cept #2, who wouldn't and Tammy who couldn't Jimmy: Holly's a good name, bit prickly her Jimmy: the marding and the hair regrowth Janis: 😂 Janis: so mean Jimmy: did have to laugh when princess Ella were like mime to a sad song about it Janis: no doubt being favourite got her cocky but her comebacks were better Jimmy: wonder who'll be fave by the time we get there Janis: not her, if Holly made good on her threat Jimmy: bloody musical thrones Jimmy: could be on telly Janis: 🙄 don't say that Janis: already think they're interesting enough to film it Jimmy: I get it, that's only us, eh babe? 😏 Janis: duh Janis: why it weren't hard to 👑👑 Jimmy: pissed on my 💍 proposal, still fuming Janis: me and all Janis: chat about not getting sarcasm, you know Asia's gonna come at me with a Pinterest moodboard moment Janis: tah so much Jimmy: proper 💕 that girl Janis: mm Jimmy: leaning on your phone cos you're 🗭 about 💍👰 Jimmy: very #goals that Janis: not gonna waste any time dreaming when it's SO real am I Jimmy: you don't want a 🌠 to have a go on then? Jimmy: loads out here Janis: what a totally believable coincidence Janis: guess I better Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [coming out like oh hey] Jimmy: [patting the doorstep he's sitting on like have a seat] Janis: [doing it but raising a brow like 😏 'you gonna give me my annual report or something?'] Jimmy: ['that what you're after from me, is it?' 😏 'loads of long words'] Janis: [shrugs 'asking if you were gonna punish me seemed cliche so'] Jimmy: [a little lol] Janis: [nudges him, not in a shut up way but a how're you way] Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder cos not alright so gotta be OTT about it] Janis: [strokes his hair 'we don't have to go, you know, if you need to stay here...they're perfectly capable of tearing themselves apart in the meantime'] Jimmy: [makes an unimpressed noise cos can't admit that he wants to go to be with her or get into how he always needs to stay here whether he likes it or not] Janis: [smushes his face 'alright, grumpy'] Jimmy: [pushing her off but then pulling her into you at the same time as if you're not already close af to each other] Janis: ['what do you wanna do?' soft] Jimmy: [kisses her because that's always what he wants to do even though we all know that's not what she meant] Janis: [allowing it though 'cos same] Jimmy: [just a nice little make out moment to lose ourselves in and forget everything else] Janis: [you really deserve it] Jimmy: ['do you wanna go?' we know the answer is no but] Janis: ['any chance to fuck with them is a good idea, yeah' 'cos wasn't a bad one, just ehh 'cos of this Harry thing and Cass going off] Jimmy: [nods like that's that settled then cos god forbid you offer your own opinion boy] Janis: ['plus, we get to have our own tent'] Jimmy: ['there's nowt you could say or do to convince me to go if we didn't' sounds like such a challenge lol] Janis: ['stop tryna make me feel special, boy' 😏] Jimmy: ['wouldn't be very goals of me, that'] Janis: [makes face like, gutted] Jimmy: [shamelessly just touching her face nbd] Janis: [looking awayayay] Jimmy: [when that devastates you but there's nothing you can say or do because everything's so casual and so only sexual yep] Janis: [just resting your head on his shoulder now 'cos drama] Jimmy: [playing with her hair in the softest way because of course] Janis: ['what are you gonna wear then?' 'cos we're definitely all thinking about our #lewks rn] Jimmy: [such a surprised lol because not what he expected her to say obvs] Janis: ['this isn't a laughing matter' in some semblance of a Mia impression] Jimmy: [when it's probably pretty accurate so you flinch like oh no I hate that] Janis: [loling evilly, 'not doing Asia for you, get over it'] Jimmy: [�� hands even though it means you have to stop playing with her hair for a sec] Janis: ['bitch' who we referring to here] Jimmy: [nudges her like oi cos assuming she means him] Janis: ['what you gonna do about it?' 😏] Jimmy: [playfight cos it's been a minute] Janis: ['not going to apologize to her'] Jimmy: ['if not that, what is the plan?'] Janis: [🤔 face] Jimmy: [hiding his 😍 by looking at the imaginary watch like any time you're ready] Janis: [nudges him like alright, alright 'how can we make the divide even bigger? need to get them to fight again, which really shouldn't be hard'] Jimmy: ['your sister and the tall one are already about to snap, no challenge there, if we really want to fuck her over we need to get her ultimate fave on side' shrugs because that's always the mood] Janis: ['yeah, but they always roll over, that's the problem, we have to kick it up that notch so they all go beyond that...I just don't know how, ditto what we can give that one that Mia can't, like' shrugs back] Jimmy: [gets his phone and shows her that he's messaging Asia like he really wants her boyfriend there for the lad bants because that's an easy given to annoy Mia] Janis: ['I think she's invited Harry, or she wants me to think she has or- I don't fucking know but I don't think he'll come anyway' when you just blurt that out in response 'cos as good a time as any] Jimmy: [such a look like wtf cos god knows what he'll say if he blurts something out rn cos so 😒] Janis: ['the way she didn't say...they basically give each other measurements and a star-rating usually so- don't you reckon she was trying to get at us?' shrugs like could be wrong but we all know it ain't] Jimmy: [when you get up because you know she's right and you're fuming honey] Janis: ['I know' but also like ?! reaction you can't hide] Jimmy: [he literally has no words for how fucked up this all is and how much he can't stand Mia so just the biggest sigh to ever have existed] Janis: ['there's no way he'll come, bet she ain't even asked'] Jimmy: ['that's alright then' bit of sarcasm for you there Ella lol] Janis: ['Well, ain't it?'] Jimmy: [😒 af face] Janis: ['she's a cunt, we've known that'] Jimmy: [sitting back down where you were but you're not chill at all] Janis: [getting him another 🚬 and then herself] Jimmy: [furiously 🚬 while he's trying to think of ways to fuck Mia over] Janis: sorry Jimmy: shut up Janis: well I am Jimmy: [just looking at her like don't] Janis: [shrugs like fine but is just jogging her leg up and down 'cos not cool with this and has been thinking about it since the chat] Jimmy: [puts his hand on said leg like stop it's okay] Janis: ['he's so-' lacking the words or adequately hardcore 😒 face for him] Jimmy: ['he's nowt we can't handle' but so genuinely said not like ha we're so 🥇 bants] Janis: ['we shouldn't have to, you especially but still, it's bullshit'] Jimmy: [shrugs but looking at her 'I said you're worth sticking around for, didn't I?' because everything is bullshit or worse in jimothy's life rn we know so to say that and mean it is a LOT 'not gonna change my mind 'cause of him, her or any other knobheads'] Janis: ['I-' when you can't even begin to say anything that you think matches what he's just said remotely so you just falter but the LOOK is everything] Jimmy: ['it'll be alright' said like even if it's not it still will be because he literally only cares about her so he'll make sure it is] Janis: [nods and squeezes his hand 'fuck 'em all'] Jimmy: [draws the heart with their initials in on her hand with his fingertip pressing harder than usual for emphasis and obvs using the hand she's not holding so he doesn't have to let go because they in this together and such a good team and not because he loves her or anything nope] Janis: ['draw blood or it didn't happen, baby' bravado to cover the real as hell 😳] Jimmy: [taking the invitation to do a new lovebite because we all need that distraction before shit gets any feelsier] Janis: [lean into the sex of it all kids 'cos we don't need to fake any of that to still be real[ Jimmy: [lowkey love that you're on the doorstep still] Janis: [bonjour neighbours, Ian will be thrilled and thus I am 'cos fuck you] Jimmy: [same because you make this flatwhite drama seem like a picnic sir] Janis: [true tea, like in the grand scheme of things, are we bothered] Jimmy: [he's really not we know he's only doing any of this for her and to spend time with her so] Janis: [and as much as Mia deserves payback by this point, this is all a distraction from the real mess of her life too so] Jimmy: [the truest tea] Janis: [probably do at least take this to the back lol] Jimmy: [enough people and a dog milling around to make you think someone could be about to come out of that door and convince you to move lol] Janis: [god bless] Jimmy: [take all the alone time you can get rn cos this festival is gonna be a LOT] Janis: [we know it, as much as you're low-key just like we gonna spend the whole time just 😍 at this point, 'cos fuck it, won't actually be that, soz] Jimmy: [mhmm we'll make sure Mia has a worse time but it's not gonna be all fun and games for you two] Janis: [joy of joys] Jimmy: [we should make a list of everything we wanna happen in terms of the flatwhites bs when we're done but before we start the festival fr so we can decide how to ref it] Janis: [good idea carrot] Jimmy: [cos obvs we only care how it effects jj soz not soz] Janis: [but of course, we gotta timeline the drama so we don't forget anything] Jimmy: [do we wanna now or is there anything else we wanna do in this convo?] Janis: [hmm, like she's probably gonna try and leave 'cos still in that stage of like, you don't want me to sleep over but aside from that moment, we can probs get going on the plan] Jimmy: [we could always bring out the big guns because Ian isn't gonna want him to go either but like obvs don't wanna go too hard with that before they go for a million reasons] Janis: [we can deffo do that afterwards, like they've already had a time then Ian is fuming, think that's better] Jimmy: [agreed because we know we're gonna do something to make the fwb awks on top of the flatwhites bs so his mood will be peak sick of Ian's shit] Janis: [gonna move her in so soon get over it sir] Jimmy: [alright in that vein how do you wanna do her trying to leave?] Janis: [like it clearly gets to tea time or something like that where she can be like, I'll leave you to it] Jimmy: [and he's like bit rude like it's all bants and she's a rich girl with fancy tastes and he's a poor boy who can't cook we know the drill] Janis: [and she's like don't be stupid 🙄 'cos gotta defend yourself even in bants] Jimmy: [and he's like now I'm thick as well, tah very much etc etc] Janis: ['just northern'] Jimmy: ['oi, keep taking my lines off me and what am I meant to say?' and a look that's nearly a LOOK because there's so much being unsaid and we all know it, them included] Janis: [mimes 🤐 but on his face not hers for closeness you simply do not need but clearly do] Jimmy: [picks her up which you're still not meant to do boy and puts her on the kitchen counter like you're staying that settles it] Janis: ['am I sous chef or the appetizer?'] Jimmy: [can't speak cos 🤐 but his 👀 are saying so much rn] Janis: [thinking he's being quiet 'cos the kids are like in the lounge or something so kinda like whooops 'dessert, maybe'] Jimmy: [still looking at her like are you gonna stay for that long because don't actually wanna say it in case she's like no] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'no one's expecting me, like'] Jimmy: [releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding, like] Janis: [getting down off the counter like go on then, lemme help] Jimmy: [god knows what we're making but we're doing it together guys] Janis: [kissing his cheek 'cos he's cute] Jimmy: [properly kissing her because that made him die] Janis: [remember at calis in the kichen, a mood] Jimmy: [we should have one of the kids come in before they get too extra/the food is forgotten about entirely] Janis: [deffo] Jimmy: [who do you vote for cos very different vibes depending if it's Bobby or Cass lol] Janis: [we can be a bit mean and say its Cass] Jimmy: [LOL imagine her face just like don't mind me starving to death you two carry on] Janis: [not winning any points yet babe] Jimmy: [we know you will soon gal] Janis: what did your ex do? Jimmy: ? Janis: she must've done something to make your sister hate all of your 'gfs' that hard by default Janis: even if I am delaying her tea, like Jimmy: she did loads of things Janis: right Jimmy: @ either of them for the list Janis: you're alright Janis: not that nosy Jimmy: just 🤏 Jimmy: I get it Janis: 'course Janis: if the reason my parents hated you was worth telling I would, like Jimmy: community service ain't enough of a reason? Janis: 'course not Janis: not when you pretend you're still cool to prove you ever were Jimmy: 👎 Janis: what, you wanna go harder to be public enemy #1? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: obviously Janis: you tryna displease my parents is just as weird as you tryna please 'em Janis: just pretend they don't exist, yeah Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: they ain't even in your age-range Janis: behave Jimmy: gutted about that an' all Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: gross, you Jimmy: Bill's gonna be well proud of that protest Jimmy: and your cool parents an' all Janis: piss off Janis: [😒 face] Jimmy: [hooray we can do the beloved pouty face lip thing when he of course kisses her rn oh how I've missed it] Janis: [likewise 'cos loves that so much] Jimmy: [I think it's the first time and I'm fine about it] Janis: [in that case, she's so not, forgetting you just got shaded about being extra so hard] Jimmy: [soz not soz Cass] Janis: ['you know-' being quiet enough that hopefully you aren't disturbing everyone rn '-you know how much I want you' is that a question or a statement, we love being vague] Jimmy: [there's no way he's being quiet enough if he doesn't kiss her really hard rn deal with it everyone he doesn't wanna take care of y'all he wants to be 15 and extra] Janis: [let this boy live] Jimmy: [we're living in this kitchen atm though] Janis: [gotta be up against the door like soz no one come in rn] Jimmy: [give them all the moments thank you cos there's no stopping this and we aren't sorry about it] Janis: [y'all will be fine, they won't] Jimmy: [exactly] Janis: ['I need you' 'cos close as you're allowed to get rn ty] Jimmy: [likewise say her name in response cos that's all I'm letting you say] Janis: [all ready for this trip] Jimmy: [gonna be hilarious for us but not for you] Janis: [so, let's do a flatwhite cringe checklist lol, one of them, probably Asia, needs to be schwasted and get WELL lost, like maybe her mans does show halfway through the night and is like where is she and they're like ??? and then it's dramaaaa] Jimmy: [that's a really good idea] Jimmy: [I think Grace should be the one who hooks up with a lad and then they can't get rid of him and his gaggle of mates because that'd annoy Mia so much which she swore to Janis she would do but also something she would do because Ella called her fat and Hollie should sleep with one of the others but not remember which one it is like we said] Janis: [I vibe that, oh Hollie, hmm what else, one of them needs to freak out in the crowd and have to get pulled out, that's v cringe, like it's hardly a moshpit ladies] Jimmy: [I was literally gonna say someone should go to the first aid tent for no real reason because same vibe] Jimmy: [Ella should be the crowd freaker outer because she probably doesn't like to be touched and Mia should go to the first aid tent like nearly as soon as they get there because gotta pull focus and phone her daddy for that attention she's not getting from her squad rn] Janis: [approved, what a holy show, ladies, plus if Mia does that it'd be a way to force them into a truce without them realizing like omg are you okay and all taking care of her she don't need] Jimmy: [yeah exactly what a snek and it gives her an excuse to cry over the fact Harry ain't coming without them knowing that's why like she's not upset she's just so ill okay] Janis: [obviously they'll all get white girl wasted and embarrassing with that] Jimmy: [good lord yes that's a given at least when JJ get drunk they embarrass themselves with how much they secretly love each other, state of that lot honestly] Janis: [seriously, if it's a small festival maybe the lads they hook up with are in one of the bands 'cos that'd be annoying thinking they're like famous and it's like you aren't though and you were probably shite] Jimmy: [yaaaas I love that] Jimmy: [I also vote that the weather is really crap cos JJ won't care but they would cos their hair and their lewks] Janis: ['cos it always is and you have to roll with it but they apparently didn't get the memo lol] Jimmy: [Hollie the only one vaguely appropriately dressed for festival life] Janis: [it's funny 'cos festival fashion is meant to be so effortless and none of them can ever like they'll look so try-hard and their age 'cos younger girls are like that at raves and shit too like you gotta hang] Jimmy: [mhmm so mad cos Janis looks fire whenever aren't you Mia] Janis: [their posh girl lewks, oh lord] Jimmy: [I just imagine Mia's dad being slightly weird about getting updates throughout the weekend cos he's that cringey and near incesty] Janis: [deffo, when you're in a relationship with your dad, like how's golf, how's the lads, eurgh] Jimmy: [honestly though just having that husband and wife style convo nbd] Janis: [that's why you mad he cheating on your ma, don't lie] Jimmy: [the tea, girls that are older than you but still far too young for him and everything you wish you were] Janis: [he's not even fit it's so sad and gross] Jimmy: [no happy ending for you hun] Janis: [so we've got a good idea for them, what do we wanna do with the fwb moment?] Jimmy: [I wanna fuck it up cos I'm evil but I'm not sure how yet] Janis: [hmm, let's think]

[pinkestsorbet]

Where I am with myself at the moment.

\/ Rambling under here about junk \/

This is kinda hard to type and phrase so I'm gonna try and get everything I'm thinking out onto here and see how it goes??? Just a jumble of different thoughts and where I'm currently at for self-documentry purposes (I like analysing myself sometimes)

For a while I've kinda been confused whether I don't like being referred to as 'woman' because I'm still young at heart or whether it's ✨G E N D E R R E A S O N S✨. Like I don't mind being called a 'girl' but junk like 'lady' just rub me off the wrong way. (I'd yeet my uterus but thats probably cos I don't like pain much plus won't need it :/)

I've been exploring they/them pronouns through characters and RPing (something I've never done before eek! it's really fun <3 everyone's so nice and it's entertaining to see their tags) On one hand I kinda like it but on the other I'm unreasonably upset that I'll have to change my 'nouns on social media from her/she (chocolate pun my beloved)

Maybe I'll go to their/her/she or something but that feels cluttered af? Is it agender or demigirl I feel like? Who knows! I certainly don't lmao

I started a new blog (that I don't feel like linking to this one yet...) and I'm constantly jumpscared when fairly popular (or at least I think they're pretty cool) blogs liking my posts there like??? Hello??? People going through the blog and liking stuff us also weird cos on one hand I'm glad they like my trash enough but on the other hand: what are you doing in my house??

Watched the JaidenAnimations video about being not straight and OUCH does it feel relatable. I've known I'm AroAce for the last few years but it still felt validating seeing someone else's experiences lining up with my own :D

Still not out to my parents and that's fine, its not really any if their buisness! BUT goddamn is it annoying when I'm videocalling and they make jokes about me getting 'action' and telling me to make sure I use protection!!! They also try to 'correct' themselves and do the "he or she" thing a bit but like not only are you biphobic you're also kinda homophobic too?? (Ya know in the 'I only respect the gays who act straight' way)

It's been nice having my own room for once, sure the flatmates can be loud at ungodly hours but ay that's to be expected. (They can stay out of my shit though >:( keep stealing my pans and foil the fuckers)

So yeah... that's where I am at the moment with life... neat

[citkats]

Love, Victor and it's problems

Hello! First post here! I know this isn't a movie, instead of a show, but I feel like I have a few things I have the urge to spill out, so here it goes.

I've watched both seasons of Love, Victor and finished the second one the day it came out, June 11. It's now June, 26 and I've let a few thoughts and problems I've had about the show sit in my brain for a while now but they're starting to get antsy. Is the show really that serious to pick it apart and point out its flaws? No, it's supposed to be a cute little show about a boy exploring his sexuality, and I know that. But man I can't help myself, what else am I suppose to do this summer anyway? So, that being said, let's get started!

Actually, before I start I just wanted to get out of the way that I am a queer girl myself, who is also a teenager, so that is the type of viewpoint I am watching this show through. Do with that what you will :D Now we can get started, here are the three main problems I had with the show;

i. The Writing

The writing of this show is... something else to say the least. It has its good moments for sure, but man is it hard to get through an episode without cringing once or twice. Now I am no writer myself, so I can't judge too hard, but I wish the show didn't try to fit in so many pop culture references and twitter lingo to try and appeal to teens. It's so obvious while watching that the writers themselves only have a vague idea on how to use it. There is a scene of the show that is going around on twitter, instagram and tiktok where a character says something along the lines of "We stan you!" and "We're all gay AF!" (link below for the whole video).

.... like... what? My god my body collapsed in on itself when I heard that. I think the writers maybe tried to make the line of "We're gay AF" as a cringy joke to show how oblivious the character was, but the line "We will forever stan you" shows how oblivious the writers are to the use of the word "stan", or at least that's how it came off the way the actor said it. The line is said with no implication that it's supposed to be cringy or something to laugh at. I don't know if the writers were aware at the time that this is something teenagers do not say about or to their friends unless they purposely want to sound out of touch. Someone in the replies even said "In real life that won't happen ever" and they're correct. This is just one instance where the writing feels shaky but there are many more sprinkled throughout the show. This probably is super nitpicky but it's just so prevalent in the show that I felt that I had to write about it.

ii. The Love Interests

Now on to another problem, The characters of Rahim & Benji. Let's start off with Benji. He serves as the love interest for the main character Victor, which is fine! It's great! Except it isn't because that's all Benji is... a love interest. He barely has any personality and the only three things I know about him are that he is gay, is in a band, and is a recovering alcoholic. With those three things, there is so much to do with his character. They mention in the show that his dad wasn't too happy when he came out, and brought him to a strip club in order to make him "straight". I thought maybe the show would show how his relationship with his dad has been damaged and how they're slowly trying to repair it, or maybe Benji doesn't want to forgive his dad and all! But no, the restaurant scene comes and everything seems fine like something as traumatic as your own father refusing to accept your sexuality and trying to convince you to be someone else never happened. If you're going to make your character go through something like that, it would be good to show its consequences, not to sweep it under the rug! In the first half of the season, if I remember correctly, we see almost every character in a different location doing their own storyline, except Benji, who only exists at school and in the coffee shop to show that he's Victor's boyfriend. I don't think there's a single scene where it's just Benji alone doing something that doesn't involve Victor. It isn't until the later episodes where he gets his own plotline, one that revolves around him being a recovering alcoholic and being 1 year sober. Now don't even get me started on this... the fact they waited a whole season and a half to get to this huge revelation?? This is a big part of Benji that he kept secret and they could do so much with it, but it ends up being just a plot device so that Victor can break up with him and end the season on a cliffhanger. It seems like every one of Benji's plot points is to benefit Victor in some way (all except for the band, but they also never expand on that either so :/). The other couples, for example, Lake & Felix, have their own problems and stuff they're going through, not just things to benefit their love interest story. I get that Victor is the main character, but if this show is about him discovering his sexuality, should his love interest be a huge part of that? Shouldn't there be more focused on his love interest rather on his best friend? I don't know that's just how I view it.

Rahim is Victor's second love interest who is introduced halfway through the second season in the episode called Sincerely Rahim. He, like Benji, the only purpose of his character is to serve as a love interest for Victor and create a love triangle that can end season 2 on a cliffhanger, just like season 1 did. The show cared even less about Rahim than they cared about Benji since they didn't even bother to show his coming-out scene. It sucks because he comes from a Muslim family and that coming out scene could've been really meaningful, for once showing a Muslim family being accepting of a gay son instead of shunning them, which is how the media normally portrays Muslim families.

iii. The couple bias

Probably my biggest problem with this show is the clear bias to the straight couples compared to the main gay couple of the show. Like I said before, Benji being a shell of a character compared to everyone else, I don't think that's a coincidence. I am aware that there was at least one gay writer on the team, but they didn't seem to make up the majority. It's obvious the writers felt more comfortable writing straight characters and couples (eg, Victor and Mia as a couple for the majority of season one) which is fine, but if you're writing a show with a gay couple in it then get gay writers who will actually understand and have an easier more natural approach to them. This is why I think diversity in the writer's room is just as important as diversity on screen. You can put a gay character in your show but if they're written by a straight person it's not going to feel authentic and can easily fall into stereotypes. But that's a conversation for another time.

Some other small problems I had but weren't worth a whole section

-The lack of sapphic women. I think they might start a wlw plotline the next season with Lake but man.. took them two seasons in a show that's suppose to be a representation to even hint at a sapphic relationship.

-Benji's timeline for his alcoholism... if he's 16 now (junior) and been sober for a year... that means he entered rehab when he was 15... which means he's been drinking heavily since he was like 14, so much so they had to put him in rehab?? Are his parents really that neglectful? This why I am so confused about his parents because what his dad did to him was awful and yet when they show Benji's parents, his mother seems to adore him and they are both extremely welcoming to Victor. The only reason I see why he would start drinking at such a young age is that he felt bad because of his sexuality... but man, at 14 do you even understand what's going on enough to be like "this is bad I should drown my sorrows in booze".... idk such a strange timeline.

-They didn't keep up Rahim's texts to Victor, it was one and done. I get that it was supposed to be like continuity with what Simon did to Bram and then what Victor did to Simon but it felt so forced that I wish they didn't do it at all. Felt like they just left it hanging there.... ok I will admit it is really nitpicky and I'll stop now I promise!

So... that's it! I know this can come off as annoying or I'm giving huge pessimist vibes because of this but I swear me having long rants about how I feel about a show's problems is rare. Normally I like deconstructing the parts I did like rather than the parts I didn't. I do think this show is cute and serves its purpose of entertaining, and I don't hold anything against someone who enjoys it! I can easily see this being someone's comfort show, and that's completely fine. I also realize that I did dig into the writers quite a lot here, so I just want to make it clear that in no way am I questioning their talent (one is a new york times bestseller and two others have been nominated for Emmys). Hopefully, my posts in the future will be more positive but for now, I hope this deconstruction was decent!

[levi-supreme]

Thank you for this Eliza!!! This was really fun to do ^_^

Tagging: @levi-lover @thehouseofmaple @hashaneeee @wortverlust @darkcloakedinfinitevoid @svftackerman @araveticazx and anyone else who wants to do it!!

Answering below the cut hehe since my answer is long af XD

Write/draw or Meditate

Writing for me, but instead of drawing, it's colouring! Though writing makes my mood turn bad sometimes, but when I'm feeling inspired or in the 'zone' writing makes me really happy. Writing those 100 kisses made me so happy. Writing about Levi made me happy.

Since young, I've always preferred colouring and painting to drawing, and even until now, I still have colouring books, markers, and colour pencils with me. It's relaxing and therapeutic, and I adore it.

Read a book or Listen to a podcast

It's been a while since I picked up a book to read, but I definitely prefer reading over listening to podcasts/audio books! I'm not that much of an audio learner, so I prefer reading!

Also, I love the smell of paper and the feeling of flipping the pages of a book so... definitely reading over listening.

Warm blankets or Soft socks

I hate wearing socks to sleep, so definitely warm blankets!!! I actually have three fleece blankets on my bed lmao (two kny ones hehe) and when it gets super cold, I use all three of them 💀

I've worn socks to sleep when I was cold but I just end up removing them because they're annoying.

Early bedtime or Sleep in

I'm the type of person who automatically wakes up after 4-5hrs of sleep, or when it's 7am/8am so... I'll choose an early bed time!

Unfortunately, you all know me.... I sleep only like... 4hrs a day... I'll try to sleep more lol...

Take a walk or Yoga

I actually like both!!! Both are equally relaxing and takes my mind off things, perspiring it out definitely makes me feel better too. Sometimes I would go for a run instead of taking a walk XD

Shower or Bath

I don't own a bathtub, I've never taken a bath, and I never liked the idea of soaking in a bath so, definitely a nice hot shower for me. Bonus points if I'm showering at night and the water is STEAMING HOT, or when it's the day and the water is cooling.

Eating in or Dining out

I have no preference for both, so either is fine!! But then I do prefer eating in or cooking my own meals!!! I love grocery shopping and cooking haha and naturally I would prefer eating at home.

Declutter or Nap time

I'm the type of person who can't take naps and isn't used to napping so definitely decluttering!!! It's so satisfying to clear out old shit lol even though half the time I'm just reminiscing about those items XD

Social time or Alone time

Alone time PLEASE. Give me my me time. I need to be alone I want to be alone I don't want to do anything except being alone in my room spending time with myself XD

Sunbathe or Stargaze

Stargazing please it's literally the most romantic thing I can ever dream of. I love the stars, I love the night time, I love stargazing. It sucks that I live in a country where you can't see that many stars even at a dark and high place and PLEASE!!!!!!!! Take me stargazing 🥺

And it's so hot and sunny here I don't even need to sunbathe.

Slow morning or Evening at home

Hmm! Tough choice! I love both. Can I cheat and choose both XD I wake up pretty early in the morning anyway so my morning does start pretty early and it moves really slowly.

I love the evening too, it's my favourite time of the day after the night time. Sunsets are like one of my favourite things to watch and the evening hues of the sky during the sunset is absolutely breathtaking.

Vacation or Staycation

I have mixed feelings for both XD I love the idea of travelling and visiting new places but I hate the packing and the travelling part? I ALWAYS fall sick on the first day of my flight on my overseas trips and it sucks. Makes me wish we can teleport.

The idea of a staycation is really cute too but I've only done it once XD but I had fun!! It was a short but good break from work and life responsibilities lol.

Baking or Gardening

Gardening!!!!! I'm sorry I hate baking, I've never baked anything my entire life, I don't think I'll ever bake anything because I prefer cooking over baking, so it's gardening for me. I love the smell of soil and wet earth, I love taking care of my plants. I got angry at my mum for dropping my chilli plant down the window when I was six. Lol.

I have a little terrarium and a lime plant, and sometimes butterflies lay eggs on the leaves hehe. My dream is to own a house with a nice front yard so I can grow lots of flowers and herbs and fruit trees and have my own garden 😭

Flowers or Sweets

10/10 FLOWERS. I'm not a fan of sweets so I would definitely choose flowers over everything else. I sometimes randomly buy flowers for myself when grocery shopping and I love flowers so much!!!!

My favourite flowers are from the Asteraceae family which consists of sunflowers (my fave of the fave), daisies, and dandelions etc. I also really love roses. I love reading on the language of flowers too and one day I really wanna learn floral arrangement and ikebana.

Facial or Massage

I have never gotten a facial and a massage before LOL so I can't choose for this XD but when I'm doing my own self-care and self-pampering session at home, I always do a mask at home (either a sheet mask or a clay mask depending on what I feel like). That's my idea of self-care XD

But if I had to choose, please sign me up for a massage lol even though I am very sensitive to tickles.....

Idk who actually read until the end lmao if you did, you are the MVP.

Self care this or that!

It's hard to remember to take care of yourself sometimes, but hopefully you do some at least some of these daily <3 There's never enough time in the day usually, so, pick which one you're more likely to do. Take care and treat yourself!

Write/draw or Meditate

Read a book or Listen to a podcast

Warm blankets or Soft socks

Early bedtime or Sleep in

Take a walk or Yoga

Shower or Bath

Eating in or Dining out

Declutter or Nap time

Social time or Alone time

Sunbathe or Stargaze

Slow morning or Evening at home

Vacation or Staycation

Baking or Gardening

Flowers or Sweets

Facial or Massage

Let me know if you want more like this! Anyone can join!

tagging:@levisbrat25 @levi-supreme @levis-hazelnut @hauntedhousecat @nelapanela94 @ack3rlady @ackerfics @levmada @jayteacups @sckerman @happybird16 @m-jelly@holy-guacamoly @notgoodforlife @smol-stone @cookiefics

mine down below so I can add to it. You can if you'd like too!

Write/draw or Meditate

I've tried to meditate and don't do so well. If I can write I am very happy!

Read a book or Listen to a podcast

I would get distracted listening to a podcast. Book, please!

Warm blankets or Soft socks

I like both but if my feet are cold I am upset.

Early bedtime or Sleep in

Even if I try to go to bed early it doesn't usually work. Let me sleep!

Take a walk or Yoga

Most yoga just breaks me. I like walking on a nice cool day,

Shower or Bath

I'd probably like a bath but we don't have a tub, so I'll just take a long hot shower.

Eating in or Dining out

I'd much rather stay in if possible.

Declutter or Nap time

If I can get out of housework, I will. And, I love naps!

Social time or Alone time

There's people I can be around for hours and be okay, but for the most part, I like my alone time.

Sunbathe or Stargaze

I live in Florida. I hate the heat. Let's look at the stars.

Slow morning or Evening at home

I'd like both of these things, but I like quiet time when I wake up.

Vacation or Staycation

I like my house but maaaan I want to go on a vacay! One where I don't have to do anything for myself lol

Baking or Gardening

I really like baking. Gives me something to do. One day maybe I'll have a veggie garden.

Flowers or Sweets

Most flower scents give me headaches even though they're pretty, and I love chocolate!

Facial or Massage

I'm not to keen on either? But I'll try a light massage.

[myvelouri]

Have I really changed that much? I thought I did, physically, but just thought it was noticeable only to me because it was all subtle.

All I can think of his how positive everyone treated me back then versus how terrible I'm being treated now, including some of the people who treated me well back then who treat me extremely poorly now.

I just remember my family, cousins, would reply to my selfies on my story and be like "hey stunner." I remember my cousin, she'd do that, she stopped caring about me or talking to me... Idk why... We were close and suddenly I'm just crap. The other cousin, she'd be like "yeah he was handsome before, but NOW look at him" and I felt sort of surprised but elated that I looked good to everyone.

One thing that breaks my heart is that friend I had, she was so, she liked me a whole lot. She'd message me randomly saying she thought she ran into me but it turned out to be someone else. Ya, she thought it was me and surprise-hugged the dude. That's how much she liked me that she's hug me. I used to text her a lot. She used to send me heart eye emojis on my Snapchat stories, my selfies. She used to give heart emojis. She thought I was hot af. I remember a post in a suit for a wedding and she just said "omg kill me, end my life" haha. I remember she'd be like "omg selfie of the year keep this one" to other ones. I remember texting her and I'd tell her I've got to go to work and she'd be like awww okay. I remember some funny crazy huge coincidence type shit happening and we'd flip out! We were friends man. I loved her. She was hilarious. Yeah well, suddenly she became extremely mean and she out of nowhere responded to me in a very crude and degrading way with f bombs and all. I haven't talked to her since then. It was weird. Like a different person. She's a total bitch. And I'm thinking she was only ever nice to me because she thought I was hot, and now that I'm apparently not, she treats me like subhuman crap. I guess.

I feel so much suffering from my bad health, bad luck and the scars I've mentioned, the situations I've mentioned. It's all serious. But this relationship and friendships issue is killing my mental health too. When did I become so ugly all of a sudden. I've been rejected by 900 girls, that doesn't happen if you're cute. You'd get a few girls. But I get 0. It shows that I'm not cute anymore. I feel conflicted. All that is putting me into a deep suicidal depression because of itself and all the extremely bad luck, bad health, freak accident-level type bullshit I'm going through. Nothing is normal. I have no one. No one talks to me. Like, not for real. I'm left ghosted. Girls leave me immediately. They only pity-add me on social media.

What is it about me physically now that makes me so atrocious that I didn't have just 3 years ago when so many girls hit on me. I remember working and all the girls wanted me. Some were open about it. I remember one, she was like, "look at his face, look at that beautiful face" and she'd say my GF was lucky. She'd be sweet to me. Cause I was pretty. Uh. Other girls would ask me if I had a brother because they wanted me but knew I had a GF and they couldn't. Customers would glare at me and girls would just say shit. Like, "mmm I like your beard" "it's so dark" and straight up tell me I'm hot.

There was such a big contrast from then to now. Like, how could I be hit on so much every where I went, and then suddenly in 3 years become so insanely ugly and atrocious that every single girl rejects me? Wtf?

I liked it better back then because I didn't have a lot of the health problems I have now. All I had back then was my irritation at my dick not fully getting hard, my issue with it's size, and the very real but bizarre condition in which sex and masturbation would cause break outs that in turn would leave permanent scars on my face. Hard to deal with, really hard, mentally, especially when you're just a 18 year old. But yeah. I mean I ain't counting my face being damaged via my condition, that's real too but, yeah. And I'm not counting my loose skin from fat loss, as well as not counting my depression. I was better off back then by a long shot. I've become awful now.

I wasn't really suicidal back then. But I am now. Hell I was even better at guitar back then but I can't muster up the will to play now and I'm losing my skill... But..

I'm so very unhappy. If maybe people still treated me kindly, lovingly, acceptingly, and thought I was cute as well as funny... Then it'd be much easier. I was funny too, I was fighting my depression. It was better back then.

Um

Wow yeah I can't believe I've got scars on my dick from a freak accident virus. Nor can I believe I've got hsv-1 out of nowhere. And I can't believe I keep getting sick over and over again. My chronic back pain is brutal too. My depression is worse. My life at home situation, financial situation is terrible too. All stability is gone.

I'm teetering

It's not looking good

I don't want this

Yo I'm still in shock that my dick is scarred, I'm shocked I got a virus there to begin with, and then shocked that a virus known to not scar ACTUALLY scarred my dick brutally. It makes me want to cry. I already did cry. But wow. This is all overkill. I'm cursed I swear.

I called out of work today. I'm still sick. I gave my shift to kassie. She's chill.

I um

I'm confused about what people see me as

I'm still acting like my goofy funny self. But

But no one is responding like they used to... I'm being rejected friendship as well as hookups. And I see my buddies getting hit on and laid constantly every week... So I'm the odd man out... I'm the ugly shit. And all the girls who rejected me. 900 isn't an exaggerating. That's literally how many girls rejected me in the past months. Hurt my ego. Whoever says I did it to myself is kind of ridiculous. I mean... You're not entirely wrong, but... Why the fuck would I stop hitting on girls if I haven't gotten one? Like, wtf, it's at 900 because I'm apparently UNLUCKY or ugly or BOTH. clearly it wouldn't be such a high number if I was actually cute and I'd be getting women like everyone else and therefore never bitching about being rejected. I'd not be saying my ego hurts and shit. What I'm saying is, is that it's not my fucking fault I got rejected that many times... Most guys aren't rejected that many times. It's not me hurting my own self by getting rejected so much because I keep hitting on girls. Why aren't we focused on what is actually wrong with me that's causing me to be rejected so much, cause that's not exactly normal. Instead of telling me to "just stop hitting on girls." Um yeah. Ok. And just be lonely while I watch all my friends fucking and getting into relationships and shit everyday as if I don't want the same things, and so you just want me to stop? It's annoying cause I actually did stop for a long time, half a year or more. But yeah. I don't know what is wrong.