#it's all just gone. i barely even remember those months anymore because the crisis just swallowed up everything

[holeposts]

sometimes I think "eh Covid didn't really have that big of an impact on me" and then I'm reminded of something from like, Jan-Feb 2020 and get punched in the face by the memories of the person I very briefly thought I would be before the years-long devastating crisis swallowed up an entire section of my young adult life

[secondmagic]

a fucking problem i've had recently is

a) i've been in college for the past few years and it's an art school so all my creative energy has been put entirely in school projects (and i am life a few months away from starting my last year where. i'll be working on my graduate film. which, wtf.) leaving me with little to no time or energy for personal stuff or stuff i draw for fun or that isn't for a specific poroject

b) all i want to draw recently is p*rn (and i really do not want to censor that but the tumblr algorithm has locked my blog down for content enough times at this point) or at least horny or something that at least has bare titties and the occasional bare pussy so either i have to just give up on it i guess or post a little preview piece of it here and link somewhere else and.... like twitter is in a dire state at this point, don't exactly have a following there, it has been well, well documented how the algorithm is actively like against you even if you're like some kind of da vinci level maestro. but it's basically my only option now for most the stuff i do want to post to even get stuff our there. and i did recently get a bluesky acc but you know it's a not very active website and also invite-only. so, not a lot of options.

and you know, my posting here has always been kinda sporadic and i have tried to make stuff more frequently and have a bigger output but out of all the time i spent drawing which frankly is a lot, very little of it ends up as like. a properly fully rendered piece that i can show and i would occasionally post stuff here from my sketchbook that i find at least a little bearable to look at but that also actually takes effort and is difficult to make it like. visually presentable.

a while back tumblr has informed me that this blog has turned 10 years old, which, whoof, huge crisis over the passage of time and also how many grand ambitions i had with this blog when i made it and how little of it i achieved in those 10 years and genera feelings about my own skills and growth and where i stand in life because of my very sporadic posting and my slow pace of work which has gone from like. once very two months to 2-3 times a year and now even when i feel inspired i don't know how much of what i make is even going to be here. recently i've been reevaluating if i even have what it takes or if i even should be an artist with the pace at which i work and how little of anything i complete not to mention how i feel about my own art skills in general, but you know given i've been stubborn about wanting to do this since childhood and i literally just cannot concieve with my brain of doing anything else in life. and on top of that i'm too much of a stubborn spiteful bitch not to keep pushing because i can't let the evil malicious gnome trying to take me down win, so this is something i'm figuring out over time.

anyway i did somehow manage to get 320ish followers in that time, give or take those that are either bots or inactive, and most of you probably followed me for stuff i'm either not super into right now or don't post anymore so you're probably not getting your follow's worth if you look at it practically, you might not even know or remember who i am or what you ever followed me for because of how long its been and how sporadic i am. but i guess i just want to say i know i don't have a lot to offer on this blog compared to a lot of other artists in terms of quality or quantity, which hopefully that will change one day in the future because i am trying to figure out how to do this all better, so thank you all who did follow and are still following and are sticking around despite all of [waves hands] all the things i described

[stargaze-issei]

— "𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮" (𝐭. 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; after losing you, todoroki moves on with his life. you know you never stopped loving him, and he's desperately wants you back. but life has a funny way to do things.

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; angst.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; none.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1.8k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞; this is a continuation from this ficlet, so probably there are a few things you won't understand if you haven't read it. anyways, enjoy.

you had moved on, and to say it had been hard was an understatement. you absolutely believed todoroki was your soulmate, but when you found out what he did, it simply devastated you. even thinking of him made your heart ache. you knew you made the right choice, getting out of every shared space you two had, distancing from everything that reminded you of him. transferring to shiketsu was by far the best way. of course, you had to leave all your friends, but they would always be one call away.

for todoroki it was the other way around. no matter how hard he tried, everything had a piece of you in it. his room was full of memories with you, all the times you fell asleep on his bed, your study sessions that always ended up in something more, you dancing and singing to mamma mia's soundtrack. he ended up staying at midoriya's most days, but even then, he would think about you. it was his default mode, somehow, his mind always went back to you.

he shut down completely after seeing you with yoarashi, no one could make him talk about his beloved or his feelings. he started to go to the gym more often, train alone in the woods at night. he barely slept, and as soon as he woke up, he'd start exercising. he was so tired that he didn't think of you. that was his way of moving on, though in every sense of the word, he never actually did.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

focusing all his life in becoming a hero, he came first of the class with a big gap. at his twenties, he opened his own hero agency. since your break up, he never had another partner, too afraid that no one could be like you, make him feel what you did.

in your case, after graduating you went to work with mirko. everyone knew you being her sidekick. it wasn't weird to hear about your ex boyfriend on the news, he had achieve all his goals in life, and that made you happy. you no longer held any remorse against him. he was a good person who made a mistake, of course you had forgiven him.

"so, [hero name], you've been going up in the charts like a rocket, could you be thinking about starting your own agency? some heroes, like shoto, are already making their way through the industry" the interviewer asked you. for the first time since highschool, someone asked you about todoroki as a hero.

"i love working with mirko, she's amazing and i think i still have a lot to learn from her. i do admire heroes like shoto, he's undeniably good at what he does, but i think is still too soon for me" you smiled when you mentioned him. even after all those years, when todoroki watched that interview, he caught on those little details. it felt good hear you saying his name again.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

it's confirmed! pro hero y/n and yoarashi inasa are getting married! the rumors were confirmed by a picture posted on their social media accounts showing their engagement rings and captioning "she said yes/he finally asked". we are w–.

to todoroki, it was extra hard that you were marrying you highscool boyfriend. he couldn't stop thinking, if he hadn't messed up, you would be marrying him. an hour later, midoriya called.

"how are you?" even though izuku was trying to not be obvious, shoto knew what he meant.

"in another timeline, y/n and i would be getting married".

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹

todoroki finally met someone, you heard on the gossip chanel. great, that was great, he deserved to feel the happiness you felt with inasa, right? of course he did. he was an amazing boyfriend, any person would be lucky to have him, you were happy for him. that was what that knot in your throat was, that sudden urge to cry. come on, you couldn't be so selfish, you were getting married with another man, you broke up five years ago, why were you so upset?. it's not that you dreamed about him at least twice a week, or that you heard his voice clear as water even when you hadn't spoke in so long. you love inasa, stop having those thoughts. you decided with whom you'd be spending your life with years ago, it was about time todoroki moved on too.

"...and i didn't know what to say, but he was so persistent. anyways, i told him we were going to discuss it, what do you think?" your fiance's hand was moving in front of your eyes, trying to catch your attention back.

"can you repeat it, please? i-i got distracted" he smiled at you, kindly. he always did that. no matter what you did, inasa was the kindest person to you, because he genuinely loved you.

"one of my advisors gave me a list with all the pro heros we had to invite to the wedding, i told him we'll talk about it" he pulled out a paper from his briefcase with a lot of names printed on it "give it a look while i take a shower" he got up, kissing your head on his way to the bathroom. most of the names were your old classmates from u.a. and shiketsu, some of your teachers and heroes of the moment.

ground zero, red riot, creati, charge bolt, shoto, cellophane, deku, froppy[...].

you stared at his name for longer than you thought, because inasa came out of the bathroom only with a towel, asking your opinion on the matter. he knew you dated todoroki back in highschool, but obviously didn't think you had feelings for him now. because you didn't. you didn't, you couldn't.

"yeah, okay, let's invite them".

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

todoroki's jaw almost hit the floor when the invitation arrived at his mailbox. his girlfriend, a model he met at an event, laughed at his reaction. were you actually asking him to go to your wedding? it seemed like a cruel joke to him. the cruelest of jokes.

"isn't she one of your classmates from u.a., baby?" his girlfriend asked, taking the paper out of his hands. he never talked about you, with anyone, not even with midoriya. your chapter had been closed by force, locking all your memories away. but that lock was always on the verge of breaking, something as small as saying your name could unleash his buried feelings.

he was so confused. his irrational side was screaming to accept the invitation, eager to face you again. but he knew it would hurt him. he knew it, if he thought about it enough, he still remembered how his heart break years ago. his mind kept wondering back to you, how beautiful you would look in your white dress, your eyes filled with excitement. it was too much for him to handle.

"yes, i will let them know we're going".

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

somewhere in yourself, you wished todoroki hadn't replied. in that same place, it hurt to see the "plus one" option marked. right, he had a girlfriend. a girlfriend he most likely cherished, in some level at least. it was okay, you had a boyfriend, a boyfriend you were going to marry in two months. both of you had moved on. maybe repeating that to yourself would convince you.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

he got up that morning and went for a jog, like when he was a teenager trying to get off his mind the girl who broke his heart. we could say he was trying to do the same thing.

the only reason you got up in time was because uraraka knocked on your door. inasa had gone to a friend's house at night, arguing he wasn't going to see the bride before the wedding. if it was supposed to be the happiest day of your life, then what is that pain in your chest?.

"you have to hurry, the ceremony starts at four,  we're meeting midoriya at three and you haven't even showered!" todoroki practically was forced into the shower by the girl, he had no will to get himself ready. what was he thinking? he clearly loved you, as much as always, why did he agree to see you marrying someone else?.

everything was ready, just as planned. like in the movies, you were expecting some sort of crisis to happen and could cancel the wedding with an excuse, but it wasn't the case. things were perfect. your hair, your dress, your make up, even the guests arrived just on time. you felt like puking.

not a single thing was out of place, that was certainly planned by you. he could see your unique touch in decorations, colors, even how tables were distributed. and he could point at everything yoarashi had done, because it didn't match at all. it was like a stain in your perfect design, a stain he couldn't remove or avoid anywhere he looked.

uraraka had to grab your arm when the music started to play, and push you out to the aisle. inasa was waiting on the other side. he looked so beautiful and happy, his eyes overflowed with love. but your eyes got lost in the crowd, searching for a certain pair of heterochromatic eyes.

you were like an angel fell from heaven. todoroki expected you to look pretty, but it was mind blowing. he was standing next to a pillar in order to get a perfect view from you. he felt his legs weakened when your eyes connected.

"do you, yoarashi inasa, take this woman to be your wife, to have and to hold[...]?" you couldn't see todoroki from the altar, and it was unbearable. all you wanted was to look back into his eyes again.

"yes, i do" inasa's voice was so determined, that you realized what was happening. before you knew, the priest was saying your vows.

he couldn't watch. he tried, but just couldn't. when he said the priest saying your name, he had to turned around.

you were sure that with one look, you'd knew if shoto still loved you. that was all you needed to go back to him, to see his eyes.

"[...] till death do you apart?" it was now or never. you turned your head, heart beating like a drum. please, please, love me.

oh how much he loved you. as you once said, his undying love for you was so big, that's tearing him apart. a single tear left his eye.

he wasn't even looking. he didn't love you anymore. a lonely tear ran down your cheek. you were too late, you had lost him. "yes, i do".

he had lost you, again. 

[votederpycausemufins]

It’s a little shorter than the previous chapters, but it’s got some important stuff going on. But things still aren’t going to go well for a bit. in fact, after this chapter, we’re just going to focus on the bots. Maaaybe also Tommy

@petrichormeraki

There was a sigh as the winged figure sat down on a ledge. “I thought I told you I go by Death.”

“Or Dadza.” Grifter spoke up, getting a glare from his dad.

“You do realize I’ve disowned you, right?” Death asked, a bored look on his face.

“Pfft.” Grifter started before making his bedrock prison swing. “That doesn’t stop you from visiting when I call you again and again and again!”

“Because it gets annoying.” Death rolled his eyes before looking at who called him. “Speaking of which, why were you calling?”

“Well first off, that is the worst thing to repeat, why is it so fucking long? Second, can you get me out of here?!”

Death tilted his head from side to side in contemplation. “I dunno. Whole reason you’re in here is because Theseus asked me to, and he’s the one son I still respect.”

“Isn’t Wile still living with you?” Grifter piped up.

“Yes, he is. And while I don’t respect him, he’s still better than you.”

Grifter pouted. “That’s not fair. I’m better than that pussy.”

“Can we go back to the fact that I’m stuck in here because my evil copy wanted me here?!” Tommy shouted to get the attention of the others there. “Why the fuck did he want that?”

Death shrugged. “Well, seeing as how he’s not even in this dimension anymore, I’m guessing it’s so you couldn’t stop him leaving from Hels.”

“Wait, so the others don’t even know I’m missing?!” Tommy struggled, trying to find a way to even possibly escape his current prison, but had no luck. “Phil please can you let me out?!”

Death moved to sit on top of Grifter’s bedrock casket. “You know, normally I would have already. Theseus just wanted you in here long enough for him to leave. The thing is, I’m pretty sure you’d also let Grifter out, and I’d really rather keep him in here.”

“Oh come on Dadza, I’m not going to try and kill you. Remember, I’m a Listener now. That’s all the power I need. It’s just not quite enough to let me out of here since it was made to deal with those powers.” Grifter shifted to try and get a better look up at Death, but had little luck. “I’ll leave you and Wile alone, especially because if I killed you, then I’d probably end up as Death and then I’ll have to leave Sense alone.”

“Right… you did finally find someone, didn’t you?”

“Yes. And I promise I’ll behave.” Grifter spoke in the sweetest voice he could muster.

Death was silent before flying back over to Tommy and breaking the lock in it, letting the bedrock casing open and causing Tommy to fall to the ground below. “Hey! I’m on half a heart now!”

“Hmm, thought that would kill you. Well, if you let Grifter out, I’m fine with that.”

Chains rattled as Grifter shook his prison. “Wait you’re not just letting me out?”

“No. Leaving it up to him.” Death pointed down to Tommy, and then a moment later he was gone.

“Uh, so are you, um… planning to help with that?”

“I’d rather not, but I don’t have a fucking clue how to leave, and I’m guessing this Listener thing is like Big G being a Watcher.”

“It’s the counterpart in this dimension.”

“Got it.” Tommy nodded. “Well I’m pretty much stuck in this world if I don’t help you, so I guess I have to. But that means you have to help me out since I can get you out and know where Sense is.”

“Of course.”

Tommy looked around and was glad to find there was an area that was easy to exit, but it was five blocks up. The walls were also obsidian, so it would take forever to mine up there with his hands since he had nothing in his inventory. “Uh, slight problem…”

“I’ll summon you some blocks or some shit you can use.” Grifter replied, and a moment later there was what sounded almost like a lightning strike and then a few blocks rained from above.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“I get killed every time I use any of my powers. Normally I only do it when I’m really bored, but if we can use it to get out, it seems like a good idea to me.”

Tommy wasn’t sure how to react to that, so he just used the blocks of glazed terracotta - why that block, he wasn’t sure - to build up to the glass of what seemed to be a viewing area. He broke the glass and slid through into the room and started rifling through it. It was mainly bare, but there were a few random items here and there. Also a painting. It wasn’t big enough for anyone to go through, so at first Tommy assumed decoration, but then he looked behind it and found a chest.

“Found the keys!”

“Do you need more blocks?”

“Nah, you gave me enough and I can tear up the stuff in here if I need more.”

“What do you mean Phil’s your grandpa too?”

“I mean that he’s the dad of one of my dads and so he’s my grandpa! And since that’s the same for Grum, Phil’s also his grandpa.”

“Did Techno have a kid?!”

“No. At least I don’t think so. Grum said there were only three of us. Wait does that mean NPG doesn’t count? Maybe because he’s in Hels or something?”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about. But if you’re not- Did Tommy somehow build you before he died?!”

“What? No! He didn’t build us, and he’s not dead either.” Jrum crossed his arms. “Our dad is Grian!”

“Iskall’s friend?!”

Jrum lit up. “You know Auncle Iskall?”

“Yeah, I kinda hacked into his comm a few months ago and we somehow became friends from it. How does Grian being your dad make you related to me?!”

“I said because his dad is Phil!”

“Then why have I never heard of him?!”

“‘Cause he sort of went missing for a bunch of years. We only found out like uhhh… how many days ago?” Jrum paused to look at his current statistics for the world. “We’ve been here almost a week?!”

“How did you not know that?”

“I don’t know! I thought it’s been two days!” Jrum said, slightly panicking as Fundy pulled out his normal comm and started scrolling up.

“Yeah, it says you two joined six days ago.”

“But that’s not possible! The only time that could have happened is-” Jrum paused. The only time both of them had been off for an extended period of time was when we lost power. And that was when we were with… Mister Sam… Is… did he lie to us?” Jrum looked up at Fundy with sad eyes.

“Well… I…” Fundy wasn’t sure what to tell Jrum, and before he could say much else, the bot was hugging onto his legs with a hug.

“We’ve… also been stuck here that long. Did… is no one trying to help us? Can we not go home?”

Fundy winced, remembering what he had been told earlier as he pulled out the comm Dream had given him. If he said anything more, he might not get another chance, but at the same time, his call with Iskall had probably lasted long enough. “No. They’re trying to get you guys. I was just calling Iskall not too long ago. Apparently your parents are freaking out trying to find you guys. You’re honestly pretty lucky they are.”

Jrum looked at the device and carefully took it from Fundy’s outstretched paw. He looked it over before handing it back, no matter how much he wanted to keep it. “D-Dad and Tommy were really upset at Grandpa and the others. They weren’t really nice to Tommy, so I guess they weren’t nice to you either.”

Fundy shook his head, which made Jrum hug him more. “Well, we can help Grum… a-and then the three of us can try to find a way to Hermitcraft!”

The hybrid smiled slightly then nodded. “Sure, why not. Sounds like it could be fun.” And he turned back to look at Grum.

Just as he did, a window that had been open on Grum’s screen closed. Because of that, neither he nor Jrumbot saw the open application that showed a video feed of the two of them and the blinking red dot in the corner to signify it being recorded. Nor did they see the other flashing symbol that changed between two images. A smile, and a broken portal.

“I don’t understand why he hasn’t shown up yet.” Xannes grumbled and NPG patted his back.

“Aww, don’t worry. I’m sure he’s just a little busy. They are currently going through a little crisis With Grum and Jrum missing.”

“They’re just machines, who cares if they’re gone?”

NPG ignored the way that comment hurt. “You know how much hermits care about others. They even care for you after you’ve tried to destroy the place. As far as they’re concerned, those two are real people. They’re not abandoning them.”

Xannes crossed his arms. “It seems stupid.”

NPG didn’t respond and instead fiddled with some wood blocks in his inventory. He already built them this rustic house and they didn’t need another. If they were back in Helscraft maybe, but things tended to be more down to earth here as far as he knew.

They were quiet a bit longer, just sitting as Xannes stared out at the land ahead. NPG slowly stepped closer before sitting down on the ground next to the hels admin’s chair and pulling out some wool yarn from his inventory. “Here… I brought some along. I don’t have needles though.”

Xannes rolled his eyes and huffled before turning away from NPG, but his hand did come back and grab the yarn before pulling out some spare knitting needles he kept on him.

“Um, did you hear that they can’t get into the world they want to get into because they’re blacklisted?” The robot asked as Xannes started to knit.

“All of them? That’s a little surprising. Have they tested all the hermits?”

“Uh…” NPG pulled out a communicator and typed something into it, waiting a minute before a response came in. “Not yet, but so far no one can get in.”

“Well, guess now they can know how it feels to be banned from a world.”

NPG frowned before scolding his friend. “That’s not a good thing to say! I mean, haven’t you been happy visiting here? They could have said no, but your brother let you in anyway. And you only got that chance because of one of the people that are stuck in a universe they can’t get to.”

Xannes sighed, but didn’t say anything else, just knitting in a way that NPG recognized. The admin tended to knit in slightly different patterns or rhythms based on his emotions. Right now it wasn’t quite sad, but it was at least a little melancholic. So not wanting to make it worse, NPG just sat next to his friend quietly. 

When a certain person clad in pink finally arrived, NPG excused himself to let him and Xannes hang out. The robot found a different room of the rustic house and sort of sulked around. It didn’t take long before he was bored of sulking and found paper to sketch rustic houses on, but he ended up crumpling them up and throwing them away. He didn’t even feel like making rustic houses right now. So instead, he ended up just lying down on the ground and staring at the ceiling.

Eventually, time passed by, NPG wasn’t sure how long, but he only really realized that time had passed at all because Xannes was suddenly standing next to him and looking down. “Have you been here the whole time?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re really upset about this, aren’t you?”

NPG didn’t answer at first, but eventually looked away before speaking up. “Yeah… they are kinda family and all.”

There was a very long sigh from Xannes. “Okay, what’s the world called again?”

NPG’s head snapped around to look at Xannes. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“I mean, obviously the people banned are from Hermitcraft or related to those kids. I’m sure you’re included in one of those, but I’m neither. I’m not family and I’m not from Hermitcraft. Plus my hacking should help out distracting anyone that could give me trouble.”

NPG jumped up to his feet and hugged Xannes. “Thank you! This is so nice of you!”

“Ugh, stop hugging me before I change my mind and contact whoever should no before I try it just in case something goes wrong and I actually need help for some fucking reason.”

“Okay, got it.” And NPG sent a message, giving a thumbs up a few moments later. Xannes nodded back and then pressed a button on his helmet and cracked his knuckles. He checked a few info panels, changing some commands to work for this new world instead of Hermitcraft, then he initiated his teleport.

EvilXisuma joined the world

In all the commotion, Theseus stepped away from the group, taking a stolen ender pearl in his hand and chucking it as far as he could. Even then, he still tried to get more distance to make sure he was really alone and far enough from Philza. Finally, he reached a clearing and checked it over to make sure no one was around. He even double checked before finally going to the center of the clearing and speaking into the air. “I call the goddess of death.”

Immediately, a brisk breeze blew through the nearby trees, cooling the surrounding area. Theseus tried his best not to shiver and just stood still, waiting for the wind to calm before turning around. Standing there was someone who looked like his mom, but dressed in his dad’s clothes. “Mumza.”

“Hello Tommy. It looks like Phil finally told you about me.”

“More or less. Figured some of it out on my own, but he did tell me the last part I needed to know.”

“How have you been? It’s been so long since I’ve seen you last.”

“Been around. Been busy. Shit like that, y’know.” Theseus was glad that she wasn’t around for his other self. It would make it easier to lie. 

“I’m assuming you don’t just want to talk?”

“Well, apparently I have nephews and they got kidnapped and are stuck in the server Phil, Techno and I were in. None of them can get back in, but I was thinking maybe I could. Unfortunately none of them will let me try to help.”

He was given a soft, kind smile. “I’m glad you want to help. I can see why Phil would want to be a little protective, but I can help you.”

He nodded and took the hand the goddess held out to him.

TheseusMC joined the world

EvilXisuma joined the world

Error with processing. Virus found. Attempting recovering. Recovery failed; Too many resources being used. Finding unnecessary memory usage. Found. Disable communicator direct connection. Disabled. 

Files being accessed. Restricted files attempting access. Restricted files require password access. Please input password. Password inputted. Checking password. Password accepted. 

Activation phrase number 652 used. Activating camera. Beginning recording. Recording. Recording. Recording. Closing program. Sending recording. Sending. Recording sent to user level Admin. 

Blacklist check. Attempting Entry: TangoTek. Assigned roles: Hermittown member, Acknowledged associate family, Team ZIT member, Operator. Banned roles: Hermittown member. Acknowledged associate family. Continue blacklist.

Blacklist check activated. Increase displacement by 1.5%. Displacing. Displacement complete. Displacement at 39.5% total.

Opening files at request. Warning, files missing data. Names of referenced files changed. Please update file names. Warning, Error with processing. Virus found. Shutting down.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Human After All: I'd like to know more about A) Lust realizing that Hohenheim had an actual life in Resembool and B) everyone's reactions to Ed and Al sneaking off to do the human transmutation and the aftermath.

Oh boy here we fuckin go!!!!!

Lust realizing that Hohenheim had a life in Resembool:

Oh boy. Okay so this has some setup.

When Lust first meets Ed and Al, she assumes the situation is a lot different. Basically They're close enough to be mistaken for twins, so she thought it was more "one night stand and disappeared from town but their mom remembered the name and told the kids". Because... Why would he stay?

But then Lust babysits Ed and Al on a trip back to Resembool to visit Winry and her grandma. And like.

Lust gets curious about some things. And she happens to see a photo album out that she can't help but look through.

Of course Granny finds her snooping but just lets her look through it and explains that it's from Winry's parents' wedding. And Lust eventually flips to a page where Hohenheim is in the photo.

Lust pauses on it because it's so strange. First in general, of how Hohenheim looks just like Father but also nothing like him at the same time. Physically identical, but the way they carry themselves is.. Entirely different.

Especially as this picture is kinda goofy. Granny tells her how everyone was hinting to Hohenheim that he should marry Trisha since they were already "basically married". And the newly married Sarah Rockbell had given up pn subtly, and chucked her boquet right at Hohenheim's face with a "sorry I was aiming for Trisha!"(which no one belives because she has incredible aim).

Lust asks more on that. And Granny mentions how Hohenheim and Trisha had been together for a bit amd were already living in the same home. And that pretty much immediatly after that whole "lack of subtly" the pair decided "despite not going through legal paperwork we are married now fuck you' and also bonus pregnancy announcement. Which has Lust relize Ed and Al aren't twins.

But it's weird to her. Because like. Hohenheim had a life here? He was with this woman for a few years and essentially got married (clearly the "don't go through the paperwork" is because he doesn't legally exist). But like. He had a wife and kids. One of the kids seems to have been actually planned. Why would he do that? And why did he leave? No one has answers on that, but Granny says that if he did leave, it was for good reasons. Not whatever the town gossips make up for fun.

Granny is a little sus about Lust's interests in all this because like. I kiiinda mentioned this before on my artblog but he way I draw Lust she actually looks a lot like "if Ed was a girl" and considering how much Ed looks like Hohenheim... They basically look somewhat related. Granny points that out and kinda pulls some Gaslight Girlboss Gatekeep of "nope no relation whatsoever my father just worked with him long ago but it's totally not relevant to anything!"

Anyway!

Later, Lust is wandering around Ed and Al's home because that fucker hasn't burned yet. And she just... Sees more of it.

True. It's been just the boys for years but there's still things like his clothes in the bedroom closet or something casually put on a shelf too high for Trisha to have reached.

The two rooms that really hit are the bedroom and the study.

Tbe bedroom is mostly untouched. But she sees a shelf of little statues. It's strange to her, but she realizes all the statutes are made from Alchemy. About half of them have very obvious marks, a sign of a talented but inexperienced maker. Seeing two distinct styles, she cam guess Ed and Al made those.

The rest are perfect. Intricate and flawless. If they weren't on the shelf with the others, she would've thought they were made by some master clay artist.

Alchemically made trinkets as gifts for someone they love.

The study is another beast altogether. A whole library on Alchemical texts. Some even older than Lust. All marked up with someone's notes in the margins. The same person's notes, as the handwriting doesn't differ. Clearly all these are important. So why leave them?

The real hard hitter is a journal Hohenheim left. Of course Lust reads it. The fact that the journal is written in Xerxian is just another punch to the gut, but thankfully Lust can read it.

It has a lot of things but the main info she reads is an entry from when Ed was just born and Hohenheim is discussing worries over how his whole "Philosophers Stone in Human Form" deal might be effecting Ed in terms of like. Genetics and stuff.

But the main thing Lust focuses on is that Hohenheim mentions discussing those fears with Trisha. That he told her what he was and his whole history and everything.

It's... Confusing to Lust. Why did Hohenheim just settle down here in this small ass rural town with a normal woman? What was it about her that compelled him to stay in one place so long? To settle down after years and have a kid? Having a second kid? And telling her about... Everything?

She finds no answer because, from all accounts, it seems like Trisha was just a normal, small-town girl. She didn't even have an interest in Alchemy! Just gardening. Why her? Why not someone at least... Great and powerful to match what he was? Even if no one could truly compare to what he was.

Everyone's reactions to Ed and Al sneaking off to do Human Transmutation:

Oh boy. This is a big plot point.

So the boys had quite a plan to trick the adults. Lust has gone on trips out of town for weekends(reporting back to Father), and she's also babysat the boys on a trip to Resembool before. So the boys wait until one of her trips and tell Roy and Riza that she's taking them on a different trip to Resembool. None of the adults know this until Lust comes back without them and has no idea where they were.

They put it together real fast and all three book it to the train station. Several hours of worried pacing of what could've happened.

Roy and Riza are entirely in the dark of what might happen. Lust though... She knows how the Gate works. And what could have happened.

She knows that There's a Price to pay. And while she was planning on encouraging the boys to go through the Gate anyway, she was supposed to be involved with it so she could trade a part of her Philosopher's Stone for their safety. Obviously just so they don't loose a Sacrifice to blood loss or later infection! Not because she cares or anything! But yeah without her, who knows what the Price may be?

They check the boys house first. They see plenty of blood, which is a terrifying sight. But they also see a trail leading out. And that if the boys are still alive, they probably went to the Rockbell place.

Which yeah. Granny's already waiting for them. She wants to yell at them for failing, but it would be hypocritical sinve she didn't notice the first time around.

She tells them the boys are alive but fucked up. Ed lost a couple limbs and Al is... Hard to explain.

Lust is the first to notice the suit of armor in the living room. The way it's arranged like a child, curled up and hiding, barely peeking out from behind the "arms". Light in it's "eyes", like someone's in there watching her.

She remembers the experiments done on the death row inmates. Puttin Souls in suits of armor. She's horrified, but not surprised, when it moves.

That is a whole conversation. Lust has to pretend she doesn't know how that works(while also questioning how the boys managed it). Al tells them what he remembers, which is just everythiny going wrong and then being in the armor and Ed missing some limbs.

We have a long emotional scene when Roy goes to talk to Ed.

Ed is very much not okay at this point and he's trying to be angry but it's just not really there. And he just asks why Roy is still there. He failed to keep them from fucking up why does he still care? Just go back home and leave them so he doesn't have to deal with them anymore.

Well that's just heartbreaking. Roy just talks to him about a lot of things. And the main thing was that this wasn't just "I'm gonna try and stop you but whoops failed that bye bitch" situation. He's not just going to drop the kids because he failed once. He's not even going ti drop them after months of pushing him away and being stubborn about the whole situation. They're a family now damn it.

And Ed kinda feels like that might be worse, because he threw that away ti go fuck up. But Roy tells him it's not "thrown away". They're still going to be here for him. And figure things out.

Later at night, Roy, Riza and Lust all kinda sneaknout individually. Which does lead to some comedy until Granny catches them and calls them idiots. But all of them were thinking of going to the boy's house and looking over their notes.

Roy and Lust are the only ones who can make heads or tails of the notes. Riza can follow some but gets lost and Granny never was an Alchemy person. Roy's looking more for "what went wrong" while Lust is focused more on "what went right". And Lust does find that though they came very close to making a Homunculus, they did do everything pretty right. She accidentally comments on that, which leads to a horrifying theoretical of "what if the boys managed to make a fake Trisha that looked and acted like her but wasn't her?". This also leads to the more disturbing question of "what was it they did manage to make"?

This is a thing that came up in Canon, but here they get answers of the thing that they made wasn't their mom, and you can't bring back the dead. Ed and Al take that news about as well as they did in Canon as well.

The "possible homunculus" thing comes up too with the others wondering if Al really is Al and not just... Something vaguely like him that Ed accidentally created. (Lust knows but can't tell how she knows rip!). Riza to the rescue on this one by asking Al about something Ed shouldn't know about. So that existential crisis is averted!

Of course there's discussion of what to do to help Ed and Al. Which... Does lead to getting back toward Canon of "have Ed become a State Alchemist". It's debated a lot because ya know. Sure it's the best option to help them have the freedom and access to stuff tk find shit but. Ya know. Roy already feels like he failed to protect these kids once already this is not helping.

Anyway! One more fun scene!

Please imagine once Ed gets the automail arm and just does the clap-slap Alchemy. And Roy and Riza are like "yo what the FUCK???"

[dindjarindiaries]

A Bullet For You

summary: When your office comes under fire by Escobar’s men, Javier and his men come to the rescue, where he promptly offers you his bulletproof vest to keep you safe.

note: translations included at the bottom

pairing: javier peña x colombianf!reader

warnings: violence, blood, death, shooting, smoking, angst, fluff

rating: R

word count: 2.723k

masterlist

“Te amo muchísimo, cariño.”

Those were the last words you’d said to Javier before this very moment, where you now find yourself cowering in the corner of your office with your coworkers—pinned to the spot by the guns of Escobar’s allies.

You’ve never expected to see such action at your accounting job in Medellín. You’ve lived in Colombia your whole life, watching the drug crisis unfold before your very eyes. Nevertheless, you’ve always avoided it, simply desiring to live your day-to-day life with a job that, honestly, could be more boring—just so you could play it safe.

That was, until Javier Peña walked into your life. Or, rather, stumbled.

You’d been hoping for a hookup that night at the bar, needing some kind of change in your everyday life. When you saw the man who practically glowed even under the shitty lighting of the bar, you instantly knew who you’d wanted to go for—but you felt something you weren’t supposed to. After the first few drinks, casual conversation, and sharing the heated dance floor together, you realized you were in deeper than you’d first bargained for. Javier, on the other hand, was completely gone by the time you wanted to head out with him, in no good shape to do anything other than put one foot in front of the other.

So, you’d helped him get back to your apartment, providing him with a glass of water and your bed before he passed out for the night. You took the couch, and by the time he was wandering into the kitchen the next morning with a furrowed brow, you’d already prepared something for him to eat. According to him, that’s when he knew he was in love with you—and you’d told him that you had the same realization around the same exact time.

Now, it’s been a few months, and you’ve at least gotten to the point where you don’t have to sleep on the couch anymore. Javier told you all about his job with the DEA and his life growing up in the States, and you were impressed that a gringo could have such skill with Colombian culture and the language. You’d taught yourself English by watching American television growing up, and Javier helped you fill in the gaps. Though he was very solid at Spanish, you still helped him whenever he needed it, and it’s become just another way in which you’ve bonded over these past few months. If you’ve noticed anything about Javier, though, it’s his protectiveness. Even in the first few weeks of your relationship, he was hesitant about letting you go out on your own—despite the fact you’d been doing so ever since you could remember. He was relieved to hear that you had such a normal job, one that wouldn’t easily be infiltrated by the chaos he witnesses on a daily basis.

Yet, here you are, watching Escobar’s allies violently interrogate one of your coworkers—who you’ve now discovered has been doing some work for Escobar—while you and the rest watch on with horrified eyes.

“¡Puta rata!” one of them shouts, giving your coworker another punch across the face. “¡Has estado hablando con la policía!” He chuckles darkly, placing the barrel of his gun against your coworker’s temple and giving it a nudge. “¿Pensaste que podrías safarte de nosotros tan fácilmente?” The man clicks his tongue, shaking his head as he gives your coworker a hard hit with the barrel of the gun. “¿Qué les dijiste?”

Your coworker looks on with a terrified gaze. “¡No dije nada!” they insist, their voice cracking in their panicked emotion. “¡Por favor, créeme!”

The same man from before gives his head another shake. “Es demasiado tarde, rata.” With that, he lifts his gun and pulls the trigger, and you along with your coworkers give a terrified shout as you try to look away from the gory sight. You close your eyes and keep your face tucked away, feeling your heart race a mile a minute as your mind only starts to think of Javier.

“Voy a regresar a las cinco esta noche,” Javier had said to you this morning, his hands resting so gently yet so securely on your hips as you stood just in front of your apartment door.

“¿Me lo prometes?” you’d remarked, your voice barely above a hushed whisper as your fingertips trailed down his cheek.

Javier had given you one of his infamous smiles, making you drown in his dark gaze of deep affection. You knew he was going to stay true to this one—because the recently late hours and time spent away from you had been taking even more of a toll on him than it had on yourself. “Tienes mi palabra,” he’d assured you, placing his soft lips against yours. The touch had left you a melted puddle of pure love on the apartment floor, leaving you to grip onto his neck for fear of your knees giving out beneath you. When he pulled away, Javier had left another tender kiss on your forehead, reestablishing his eye contact with you. “Hasta pronto, mi amor. Cuídate.” He took your hands from around his neck, holding them in his as he left a kiss on your knuckles. “Te amo mucho.”

“Te amo muchísimo, cariño.” Your lips couldn’t stop smiling despite the fact you were watching him walk through the door, unsure of what would befall him that day but knowing you’d see him sooner than you were getting used to.

And now, you’re not so sure you’ll get to see the end of Javier’s promise—but at least, you try to comfort yourself, it’s not his fault. The thought of your lover keeps you relatively calm until Escobar’s men cock their guns at you and your coworkers, giving you their full attention. The man who’d shot your other coworker steps forward, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Entonces, ¿quién sabe qué le dijo la rata a la policía?”

You and your coworkers begin looking at each other nervously. No one even knew that man’s been working for Escobar, and since none of you have any information for these men, that means you’re going to die at their hands.

Meanwhile, at the embassy, Javier’s had a pit growing in his stomach all day for no good reason. It’s only just past noon and he’s already almost gone through an entire pack of cigarettes. When Javier lights his last one, Steve’s whistling pulls him out of his funk, drawing his attention to see a raised brow looking back at him.

“What’s up, Peña?” Steve asks almost cautiously.

“What do you mean?” Javier remarks, taking his first puff with agitation.

“I’ve lost track of your cig count for the day,” Steve says, leaning forward on his desk in a questioning manner. “So, you’re stressed over some shit. What is it? Is it your girlfriend?”

“God, I hope not,” Javier mutters, temporarily setting the cigarette onto his ash tray. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, Murphy. I’m just…” Javier trails off, shaking his head as he tries to justify his odd feeling.

“… paranoid?” Steve tries to finish. “I know that sometimes I can start thinkin’ about Connie and get all worked up for no good reason.”

Javier shrugs, picking up the cigarette again at the thought of you being in danger. “I just gotta be home by five,” Javier mutters, tossing a file from his desk onto the large pile behind him. “I’m probably just worried I won’t make it on time.”

Steve’s about to say more, no doubt asking why Javier had to hold such a tight schedule, but gets cut off by the ringing of his phone. He raises a curious eyebrow at Javier before picking it up, his eyes widening the more the voice on the other end speaks. The pit in Javier’s stomach begins to grow, to the point where he has to put his cigarette down again in fear of making himself sick. Steve writes down an address and gives a reassurance, hanging up and rising from his chair. Javier stands up with him.

“What’s goin’ on?” Javier asks, trying not to make his nerves so obvious.

“Hostage crisis, with some of Escobar’s men,” Steve informs him. “Guess the police has had contact with an accountant who was working for Escobar and was giving them information—and Escobar found out about it.”

At the naming of the profession, Javier’s blood practically turns to ice, and he takes an urgent step towards Steve as his brow furrows. “Accountant? At a company?” When Steve gives a nod, Javier’s heart nearly stops. “What’s the address?” Steve offers the piece of paper, and Javier takes it in his shaking hands to see exactly what he feared: your workplace. “Shit. Fuck!”

Steve’s slightly surprised by Javier’s outburst, watching as he lunges for his gun and bulletproof vest with intense urgency. “Javi, what the hell—?”

“That’s her office,” Javier explains in a quick breath, already starting to head out of the office. “We gotta go!”

Upon hearing that, Steve’s soon going at the same speed as Javier. His heart’s practically in his throat the entire way there, his mind only able to go back to the same memory as yours—the morning that could be your last one together.

Back in the office, you’re thankfully at the end of the line, watching as your coworkers endure violent tactics in an effort to get them to reveal something—anything. You try to think of bullshit excuses in your mind, wondering if you can offer them something that’ll keep them from killing all of you. But you’re not that quick on your feet, and you suddenly wish more than ever that you had the quick thinking of Javier to assist you.

“Mentirosos, todos ustedes,” the main man scoffs after he’s given another one of your coworkers a hit of their gun to their head. “Alguien tuvo que haber oído algo de lo que el puto soplón dijo.”

“¡No sabemos nada!” someone speaks up, their voice full of nothing but fear as they look pleadingly up at the man in front of them. “Si supiéramos, ya te hubiéramos dicho todo.”

“Habla por ti mismo,” you scoff, your eyes widening as you realize you’ve said the thought aloud.

All eyes turn to you, and the man’s soon making his way over. “¿¡Qué dijiste!?” he questions, his voice hauntingly dark. “No te escuche bien.”

Instead of freezing up like the others, you think of Javier again, and your blood boils. These are the men who would shoot at him in a heartbeat, with the intention of taking him out. These are the men who keep him away from you each day. These are the men who make his life a living hell and take such a heavy toll on him that some nights, he just has to cry to you. So, rather than taking back your words and offering some bullshit, you tell them the truth. “Come mierda,” you mutter, spitting on his shoe.

The man’s face darkens immensely, but before he’s able to do anything to you, there’s the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway stairs—a practical stampede of them. Every head turns to the door, and you barely have time to see it fly open before the bullets start flying. You gasp and keep yourself ducked down, trying to avoid getting caught in the crossfire. Your arms remain over your head as you kneel on the ground, shaking in your sudden horror. Despite the threat of your own safety, you can’t stop thinking about Javier—until you feel a familiar touch on your arms. When you lift your head, you see him kneeling there in front of you, and the pure sight of him practically brings you to tears.

“Mi amor,” Javier breathes, barely audible over the shooting as he holds your face in his hands and inspects you for injuries. “I thought that… that…” Javier can’t finish the thought. Instead, he reaches to take off the bulletproof vest he’s wearing, beginning to put it around you. “Wear this. You’ll need it while I get you out of here.” He straps it on you as quickly as he can, but you’re unsettled by the idea of it.

“No, Javi,” you insist, grimacing with disapproval as he finishes securing it. “It’s yours. You need—.”

“I’ll be fine,” Javier insists, still having to raise his voice above the gunfire. “But we have to get you out of here, now!”

You give him a nod, letting you wrap both your arms around one of his as he holds his gun securely in his free hand. Javier begins to guide you back to where he’d came from, looking around whenever he can for any potential threat. You’re still shaking as you grip onto his arm for dear life, still unable to believe that you’re back in the security of his presence. Javier notices this, and he looks back for a moment to calm you with his dark eyes.

“Relájate, mi amor,” he assures you softly. “Voy a sacarte de aquí sana y salva.”

You offer him a nod, but soon find yourself gasping when a bullet whizzes by your ear. Javier turns around to shoot the man who’d almost gotten you, and you see him fall to the floor in pain immediately. Javier continues to move forward quickly, taking you with him as you refuse to loosen your grip on his arm. When you reach the staircase, you can barely descend them with the shakiness in your legs, but thankfully Javier keeps you propped up as you’re soon exiting the building and entering the security of the blockade that surrounds the perimeter. Javier tries to get you to sit on the hood of his car, but all you can do is wrap your arms around him tightly, hiding your face in his shoulder. He holds you back, running his hand through your hair to calm you.

“I’m so glad you’re alright, hermosa,” Javier mumbles in your ear. “When Steve showed me that address, I thought I’d never get to hold you again.”

You hold him tighter, pressing your cheek against the fabric of his shirt. “Solo podía pensar en tú, Javi.” You sigh shakily, feeling Javier run another hand down your head at the sound of it. “I wanted to say that I loved you a thousand more times.”

Javier’s smile is nearly audible, but he continues with an interrogation of your wellbeing. “Did they hurt you?”

You shake your head, still keeping it against his shoulder. “They were about to.” When Javier tenses, you let out a quick chuckle and continue. “When they asked us for information, I may or may not have told them that I wouldn’t have told them even if I knew—and then told them come mierda.”

Javier lets out a low laugh at your words. “Ay, mi amor, eres muy fuerte. Estoy orgulloso de ti.”

You chuckle once again and then pull yourself away from him, holding onto his shoulders as you’re suddenly very aware of the bulletproof vest you’re still wearing. “You walked through a shootout without a vest for me.” You bite your lip to keep your emotions tucked away as Javier gives you a small smile and a nod. “How?”

Javier tucks a piece of hair behind your ear. “I would take a bullet for you any day, mi amor.” He says the words without hesitation and with such certainty that you can practically feel the truthfulness in his core—and as much as you love it, you always feel terrified by it. Javier sees this, and he cups your cheek in his hand before he goes on. “But hopefully I won’t have to.”

You finally give him a smile at that, leaning up to brush your nose against his. “Te amo más que a mi propia vida, cariño.”

Javier leaves a short yet very sweet kiss on your lips, pulling away to leave an additional one on the tip of your nose. “Te amo muchísimo, mi amor.”

translations:

Te amo muchísimo, cariño. = I love you so very much, sweetheart.

¡Puta rata! = Fucking rat!

¡Has estado hablando con la policía! = He’s been talking with the police

¿Pensaste que podrías safarte de nosotros tan fácilmente? = Did you think that you could get away from us so easily?

¿Qué les dijiste? = What did you tell them?

¡No dije nada! = I didn’t say anything!

¡Por favor, créeme! = Please, believe me!

Es demasiado tarde, rata. = It’s too late, rat.

Voy a regresar a las cinco esta noche = I’m going to come back at five tonight

¿Me lo prometes? = Promise me?

Tienes mi palabra = You have my word

Hasta pronto, mi amor. Cuídate. = I’ll see you soon, my love. Be careful.

Te amo mucho = I love you so much

Entonces, ¿quién sabe qué le dijo la rata a la policía? = So, who knows what the rat told the police?

Mentirosos, todos ustedes = Liars, all of you

Alguien tuvo que haber oído algo de lo que el puto soplón dijo = Some had to have heard what the fucking snitch said

¡No sabemos nada! = We don’t know anything!

Si supiéramos, ya te hubiéramos dicho todo = If we knew, we would have told you everything already

Habla por ti mismo = Speak for yourself

¿¡Qué dijiste!? = What did you say!?

No te escuche bien = I didn’t hear you well

Come mierda = Eat shit

Relájate, mi amor = Relax, my love

Voy a sacarte de aquí sana y salva = I’m going to get you out of here safe and sound

Solo podía pensar en tú, Javi = I was only able to think of you, Javi

Ay, mi amor, eres muy fuerte. Estoy orgulloso de ti = Oh, my love, you’re so strong. I’m proud of you.

Te amo más que a mi propia vida, cariño = I love you more than my own life, sweetheart

Te amo muchísimo, mi amor = I love you so very much, my love

[kingreywrites]

A Productive Afternoon

Fandom: Tangled

Word Count: 2441

Rapunzel Appreciation Week Day Six: Brunette

Summary: Slowly, she threaded her fingers through her hair again, feeling its length by holding onto the tips. There was only one conclusion to make:

Nigel was right. Her hair was growing.

Read on ao3

@s-vnshiine

Sat in front of her vanity, peering closer at her reflection in the mirror, Rapunzel felt conflicted. She was softly running her hand through her hair, and couldn't help the uneasy feeling taking roots inside her.

It all started with a one off comment from Nigel, of all people. Rapunzel and her parents had just finished their hearings for today, and, overall, Rapunzel was satisfied with how most of it was handled. Now that time had passed, and that she was starting to get more and more involved in the process, Rapunzel had discovered that she didn't have quite the same opinions as her father when it concerned ruling. They always tried to find a balance, but she was glad that, today, it hadn't been needed.

Rapunzel was wondering if she had time to check on the new mural project in town before she had any other duty, when she heard Nigel calling for her.

"Oh, and, your Highness?"

"Yes Nigel?" she smiled, in a good mood.

"It is nice to see that you're letting your hair grow again, it definitely gives you a more dignified look," he said, sounding pleased, before leaving the room to go talk to her father.

It was only one comment, that shouldn't have had so much hold over her but, after that, she didn't have the heart to go into town. She hesitated for a long time, before going back to her bedroom, which led her to her current situation of examining herself in the mirror. Slowly, she threaded her fingers through her hair again, feeling its length by holding onto the tips. There was only one conclusion to make:

Nigel was right. Her hair was growing.

She didn't even know how she could have missed this now that it felt so clear - perhaps she simply wasn't paying attention. The wick that had been cut by Gothel when she was a baby had never grown again and, in the six months after what Eugene called her Dramatic Haircut, it had shown no sign of growing either. How could have she expected that this time wouldn't be like the last?

It made sense in a way. Last time, she had still been the sundrop, even though she had lost her hair - maybe the power dormant in her was only waiting for the right occasion to grow back. But today, after beating Zhan Tiri and banishing the sundrop and the moonstone to the heavens, she was only Rapunzel. Normal human Rapunzel, with normal human hair that grew.

She checked one last time that it was really the case, but Rapunzel knew her hair. The tips were supposed to be more spiky, but the few inches she had gained were already weighing it down enough to straighten it somehow. Rapunzel sighed, and put her head in her arms so she didn't have to face the mirror anymore.

Pascal squeaked softly, his tone interrogative, and she raised her eyes just enough to see him looking right at her, head cocked to the side.

"I don't know Pascal," she mumbled, "I guess there's nothing wrong with my hair being able to grow. It's what hair do, right?"

He nodded tentatively, but she hid her head in her arms again, looking dejected.

"I mean, Nigel said I looked more dignified, whatever that means," she grumbled, voice muffled. "And mom's hair looks nice, I could probably pull off mid-length hair, I- I... No," she exclaimed suddenly.

She hit the table with her palms and sprang up from her chair, startling Pascal so bad he turned the colour of the vanity for a moment. Heart still beating too fast, he shot her a mean look that she completely missed as she was pacing her bedroom, arms crossed.

"No, this is stupid," she ranted, "dignified? I already look dignified, this haircut is a symbol of my freedom, of- of me taking my destiny in my own hands, how much more dignified could I be?"

She threw her arms open as if to say "see", to which Pascal could only nod, trying to look serious as she resumed her pacing.

"I loved my long hair, I loved how it helped me heal and protect those I loved, but it's also the reason I was kidnapped, and the reason my kingdom was in danger and- argh," she sighed, putting her hands in her hair to tug lightly on it, "this is complicated."

Pascal hesitated, before nodding again, less confidently this time. It seemed to placate Rapunzel nonetheless, and she went to sit on the edge of her bed, looking calmer. Pascal, who hadn't moved from the vanity since the beginning of her rant, made his way to her silently, until she gave him a soft smile and opened her hands for him to settle in.

"The first time…" Rapunzel trailed off, and Pascal patted her thumb gently. "The first time, Eugene used all his remaining energy to cut my hair. He was bleeding, and in pain, and dying-"

Her breathing hitched. It took her a few more seconds before she could continue.

"Despite all of that, despite how it could heal him, he cut my hair because he knew that it was the only way to make me free," she whispered. Pascal knew that all too well. These events… They would stay engraved in their minds forever. Rapunzel squared her shoulders, trying to sound more confident. "And then, when I had the choice, all I could think about was stopping Zhan Tiri. The length of my hair had no importance in the great scheme of things, because saving everyone was the priority and… and I like what my short hair represents," she exclaimed, vindicated as Pascal nodded vigorously. "Screw what Nigel think!"

"I have no context but yeah, screw Nigel," a familiar voice interrupted with a chuckle.

"Eugene!"

Rapunzel stood up, setting Pascal down on her shoulder as she rushed to give her fiancé a hug. Eugene gasped dramatically at the force she threw herself at him, but didn't even step back, instead hugging her tighter in his arms and nearly making her feet leave the ground.

"Missed me, Sunshine?" he laughed gently, pushing her hair from her face.

"Always," she grinned back, "this morning's breakfast feels like it was eons ago."

"I missed you too," he answered, his voice much softer than the joke required - because it wasn't one, truly.

Their lives were busy nowadays, and Rapunzel thought they didn't spend nearly enough time in each other's company since the proposal. The wedding would come soon, she reminded herself, and they would have all the time in the world on their honeymoon. When they broke the hug, Eugene went to sit on her bed and she joined him, resuming her previous position, when Pascal decided to settle next to her. Eugene took off his Captain's gloves, and held her hand tightly in his, the feeling of his skin warm and comforting against hers.

"So," he said, "what did Nigel do?"

Rapunzel groaned, putting her head on Eugene's shoulder dejectedly. "Please don't tell him what I said," she asked, making Eugene snort, "it was mean. He didn't mean any harm."

"Okay, promise, but what happened? It's not because he didn't mean to that he didn't cause harm, right?"

She glanced up, head still on his shoulder, and saw that he was looking down at her fondly, his thumb going over her knuckles in a gentle, soothing movement. She shifted to be closer to him and closed her eyes, breathing in deep.

"My hair is… growing. Nigel said it made me look more dignified."

"Oh," Eugene exhaled, and she knew he understood exactly what was her problem.

She remembered, when all of this - her life at the castle, her haircut, even their relationship - was still new, when they were still testing each other's boundaries. She remembered an evening when Eugene sneaked his way into her room, startling her until she saw how worried he looked. She remembered hushed conversations where he tried to apologise, of all things, for cutting her hair this short, and for depriving her of her powers, and for not having found a better solution and you must hate me, right, I'm sorry-

She remembered kissing him, as softly as she could despite the emotions burning in her, because she couldn’t believe he didn't know just how much she didn't care about any of that. He was alive. That was all that ever mattered, in the end.

She had tried to be open with him, as much as possible, because she didn't want him to doubt that she loved her new hair despite her still confusing feelings on everything. She had talked to him about it so often, that he knew immediately why her hair growing back was such big news - he could immediately guess how much it was messing with her, to have the possibility of not having short hair anymore.

The familiarity would be nice, for sure. She still expected a weight that was missing when she was moving, still expected her hair to brush her shoulders and back during the day, and sometimes, her reflection in the mirror felt like that of a stranger, compared to the golden paintings in her journal.

Rapunzel knew that missing something didn't mean that you wanted it back. It was a difficult lesson to learn, however.

(In the middle of the night, when there had been no one but herself and her thoughts, she had missed Gothel. She had been ashamed of that for a long time - and still was, in a way, despite talking about it to her loved ones. But just like the feeling of her hair had never truly disappeared with it, she couldn't help but imagine Gothel's laugh, sometimes, when Rapunzel knew she would have enjoyed something. There were ghosts that never truly went away, no matter how much we wished them gone.)

"What do you want to do?" Eugene asked, his voice interrupting her thoughts as he leant his head against hers.

"I…"

What did she want to do? Her hair had barely grown that she was already having a crisis about it. For a long time, her hair had kept her prisoner, first of Gothel and then of her destiny - but it also gave her so many possibilities. She could climb and swing around easily, she protected her family with it and, for all that it might have cost her, she was still grateful for what it gave her. But did that mean she wanted longer hair?

"I don't," she whispered, before continuing, louder, "I want to keep my hair short. And spiky, even if that means I look less dignified."

"Hey now, you look dignified no matter what," Eugene protested, before kissing her forehead to make her smile. "Also, dignified doesn't really means anything."

"Right?" she exclaimed, raising her head quickly. "Yes, I may not look like your usual Princess, but that haircut means so much more than simply looking good does, you can't be more "dignified" than that!"

Eugene hummed, sounding amused, before his other hand turned her face towards him gently. "You know, even if it meant nothing at all, you could want your hair short and spiky, and no one would have any right to say anything about it. This suits you, Rapunzel. And no matter what you decide to do with your hair-"

"Even going bald?"

"Even goin- what?"

Eugene sputtered, thrown off guard, before laughing when Rapunzel raised her eyebrows twice in a bad flirting imitation. It wasn't often that she took him by surprise enough to make him so genuinely laugh, but she loved these occasions with all her heart - Eugene had the nicest laugh she had ever heard. She released his hand only to sneak her fingers behind his neck, right at the nap of his hair, pulling him close enough that she could kiss the tip of his nose. She was pretty happy to gather a lovely blush out of this.

"Even bald," Eugene repeated, voice low - but it didn't need to be louder, not when there was practically no distance between them. "I love you, Rapunzel."

She tried to think of something to say, she really did, but Eugene’s lips were right there, whispering the sweetest things - so she kissed them. And then, he was kissing her back, his hands going lower around her waist, and she probably was the one responsible for making them fall on the bed so she could get above him. She took a breath, feeling his warm body under hers, opening her eyes to see his flushed face and his half-opened mouth as he watched her, and she kissed him again, burying her hands in his hair.

They lost track of time, after that.

"You should cut my hair," she said after a while, head resting on his chest.

Eugene snorted, not stopping the meaningless patterns he was tracing on her back. "I would make an awful job."

"I'll guide you. I want it to be messy anyway."

"And spiky."

"And spiky," she echoed with a smile. "I can't be looking too dignified on the job now, can I?"

"We wouldn't want that," he laughed, his chest moving with his voice. "I should probably go back, though, before Pete set something on fire-"

Before he could even try to move, Rapunzel enlaced him in her arms, making sure he wouldn't be able to get up without at least lifting her with him. She had missed him, these last days. Had missed touching him, holding him close, kissing him until they both forgot their own name. She had thought she could wait until the wedding was here, but she couldn't - and she wasn't about to let him leave now.

"You're on an official break, mandated by the Princess herself," she announced, trying and failing to keep her voice even and regal when her face was smushed against his uniform.

"Oh? And what's the reason for this break, your Highness?"

She lifted her head so she could see the smirk adorning his lips. She knew him well enough to know where his mind was going, and the hand making its way even lower on her back was more than proving her assumption to be correct.

"A nap," she answered anyway, feeling a blush creeping on her cheeks.

"Only a nap?" he teased.

"Only a nap. We need it." Eugene hummed good-heartedly, but his hand inched lower anyway.

Suffice to say that they didn't "only nap" - but Rapunzel also convinced Eugene to cut her hair in between kisses, so she still counted that as a productive afternoon.

[ladycatofwinterfell]

Consequences, part 3

Catelyn and Ned decided to walk different ways after their relationship of three years, for good reasons. Ever since that Catelyn have kept a secret from him. When she one day, ten years later, decides that she should tell him they meet for the first time since the breakup. It takes them no time at all to fall back into old habits. The problem is that Ned is married, and that Catelyn is still keeping that damn secret. The only thing they can be sure of is that actions have consequences.

This feels incredibly messy, but I hope it’s worth the read. Enjoy!

So how did it go yesterday? ;)

 Catelyn probably wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for Cersei. Or, well, she would have waited longer. And still she had gotten nothing for it. Not the smallest reward. She had not even got her pants off. Because of her idiotic brother. 

 Got cock blocked by my brother... and then Robb asked Ned if he was my boyfriend. It was a mess

 She raised her coffee mug to her lips and took a long sip. Maybe texting about her affair in the teacher’s room wasn’t a great idea, but it was 07:54 AM and she didn’t have energy to care. Who would care about it? Literally none of her colleagues. 

 Ha! Wish I could have been there! You’ll just have to keep trying then ;)

 Catelyn had barely slept a second that night. She had been thinking about that. She had promised herself that the day before would be the last time. But she had also wanted to make the most of their last time, wanted to make it count. And she definitely had not made the most of that time. Thanks to Edmure. 

So could it really hurt to see each other one more time? Just one last time. So that she could feel that she was finished and done with it. Because as it was she was just aching for more. She had been so close to having it and then it had been snatched away from her. 

 I’m thinking about it...

 She had gone over it a thousand times in her head. She had felt bad for it, because she had told herself that the last time would be the last time. But it had to happen one more time. She would contact him just one last time so that they could finish. And then she was done. Then they would be completely over. No more affair. And that was assuming he wanted to see her again. What if Robb and Edmure had scared him away?

 That’s my girl

 Catelyn had to roll her eyes at that. She was the most boring person she knew. Except for what had happened with Ned her life had lacked for interesting happenings the past years. She worked, she took care of her son, every now and then she decided that trying to date again was a good idea. It never was. She definitely wasn’t unhappy, she loved her son and the rest of her family, but sometimes it all seemed very grey. 

 Don’t get used to it, I’m gonna end it

 “Catelyn?”

 She looked up from her phone. Speaking of grey, the embodiment of the color stood before her. He probably lived a grey life as well. But he would never have an affair, he was too kind for that. So her own grey life was no excuse. She was just terrible. Oh gods. 

 “Yes, Luwin?” she said, despite the minor crisis that was going on in her head. 

 “I just needed to talk to you about Mr. Tyrell” he started. 

 “Could we take this a bit later? I have a class in five minutes.”

 Her phone buzzed and she looked down on it. 

 Yeah sure. Just remember what I said

 Well, it was very hard to forget. 

 “Of course.”

 “Thank you.”

 She rose from the armchair, mentally picked up the pieces that was herself and puzzled them together. There was nothing like trying to teach Westerosi history to unruly fifteen-year-olds when you were a bit upset. 

That evening she would text him. Just so that they could be done with it. 

 ~*~

 Sorry about my brother and Robb

 He, too, was sorry about yesterday. How could he not be? They had said no more. But did that even count as one time? He wished it hadn’t bothered him so much, but it did. And he had been afraid of that that would be it. That he wouldn’t hear anymore from her. He had even thought of texting her. But she had been quicker.

 No need to apologize 

 It hadn’t been her fault. He’d only been annoyed with her brother. Edmure had always enjoyed poking fun at things, but apparently Ned had managed to forget exactly how much he liked it. And not that Edmure had known, but still. Couldn’t he have come half an hour later?

Robb, on the other hand, had made him think. He remembered when he heard that she had had the boy. It had been just nine months after they broke up, and he would always remember the surprise of hearing that she had a child from another man right after they separated. No one had seemed to know who the father was though. And Ned couldn’t help but wonder who the father was. He didn’t seem to have a part in Catelyn’s or the boy’s lives. Maybe she didn’t even know. 

 I know we said we wouldn’t see each other again, but did yesterday even count? 

 He felt some sort of strange relief at the notion that she had been thinking the same thing. That the day before couldn’t be last time since that had got nothing done. It had only left him craving her even more badly. He craved her body, craved her smile, craved the sound of her laughter. He wanted to be with her fully, truly. They wouldn’t be able to do that for as long as he was married to Ashara. But they could do the closest thing. 

 I had the same thought exactly 

 He had thought of her nonstop since the moment he laid eyes upon her the day before. And then she had pulled away from him just when he got to touch her, feel her. It was driving him crazy. He wasn’t supposed to want it. He was supposed to want his wife. And she wasn’t his wife. But he wanted her anyway. 

 Does that mean I’ll see you this weekend?

 That was where he should have said no. He should have told her that it was wrong and irresponsible. But he could imagine her smiling to herself as she wrote that. And that was what lead him to giving her a different answer. 

 I’m already looking forward to it

 The weekend seemed so awfully far away. He would have to wait at least five whole days before he could see her again. The thought was almost unbearable. Did she feel the same thing? Did she feel that she would have him with her always if she could? Because that was what he felt. He felt it very much. 

She did not answer to that, but she didn’t have to. They had come to a decision already, anymore texts were unnecessary. He wished he could keep them, but as soon as he was sure she wouldn’t reply he deleted them. And suddenly no evidence of their plans were left, and he was just a normal man with a wife and a son again. 

Ashara would be out of town with Jon during the weekend. She was taking him to visit her younger sister and her son. He would miss them, but at the moment all he could think of was that it worked very well. He was a terrible husband. Ashara would never know if everything went as it should, but still, every time he looked at her he thought of how he had betrayed her. And she just looked back at him, completely unaware of what he had done.

Ashara had been unsuspecting when he came home the day before. She had kissed him. And all he had been able to think of was how very different it was from when Catelyn kissed him. Cat had been desperate, hungry. And that was the only sort of kisses they would ever share, because they didn’t have time for anything else. While Ashara’s kiss had been soft and welcoming. Loving, even. He wanted to be able to kiss Catelyn like that. But their kisses would always be secret, their meetings would always be a stolen hour here and there. If they even continued.

 “Ned?”

 “Yes, darling?”

 Ashara sat next to him and laid her arms around him.

 “What are you thinking of?” 

 How he would see another woman again while she was visiting her sister. How much he wanted it to be Catelyn with her arms around him. 

 “Nothing, just work.”

 “Well, that’s a boring answer.”

 “What did you want me to say?”

 She smiled. 

 “Oh I don’t know. You just looked so far away that I was sure you had left me and was never coming back.”

 Was the that what he was doing? Was he leaving her in his mind? Or had he already done that? Was that why Cat was always in his thoughts?

 “You’re the one leaving me, not the other way around” he chuckled. 

 “It’s just over the weekend. You’ll be perfectly fine, some time alone is probably good for you.”

 Except for that he would spend his time alone with someone else and that it absolutely wouldn’t be good for him. 

 “Maybe.”

 She kissed him. Another one of those soft kisses that broke his heart in two pieces. 

 “Jon wanted you to come and say goodnight.”

 “I’ll go right away.”

 He freed himself from her and left her there on the couch. And as he walked upstairs towards Jon’s room he reflected over how different she was from Catelyn. She was soft while Catelyn was passionate. Her hair was dark, Catelyn’s fiery, practically glowing. When Catelyn got angry over something Ashara would have simply been disappointed. Ashara’s laugh was quiet, Catelyn’s laugh could fill a room. And both of them were fantastic. He loved both of them. But still he couldn’t stay away from one of them. From Cat. 

He kissed Jon goodnight after having read for him. Jon loved reading, but he loved it even more when someone read out loud to him. He had a wild imagination and came up with all sort of stories. And despite the fact that his marriage to Ashara might crash and burn in the future Ned couldn’t regret it at all. Because he would always have Jon. His son.

Ashara was still where he had left her when he came downstairs again. She smiled at him so sweetly. And nuzzled close to him again when he sat next to her. She kissed him again, a little more firmly than she had before. And suddenly her hands were unbuttoning his shirt. He wanted to enjoy it. She was his wife. And he loved her, didn’t he? But still he couldn’t help but feeling that he was unfaithful. Even though he was completely faithful in that moment. Catelyn was the affair, not the other way around. And still Catelyn had managed to make a nest in his heart. 

 “I can’t he said” and broke away from her.

 She looked at him, frowning. 

 “Is something wrong?”

 “No. I... I’m... I just don’t want to right now.”

 “Oh, okay.”

 And then that smile was there again. In the moment Ned hated it. Why was she smiling at him like that when he was a terrible husband? Why couldn’t she understand that something was, in fact, wrong and just do something about it?

 ~*~

 My wife is away over the weekend, want to come here?

 She wanted to. She wanted to go to his home and have him. The thought of having him as hers in the house where Ashara usually ruled was somewhat exciting. Then she would be the one in power, not the helpless one. She was terrible. Horrible. She was taking too much advice from Cersei. But still. She couldn’t help her own feelings, could she? 

Though that was apparently where her moral compass decided was a good place to stop her. She could have an affair with a married man, but sleeping with him in his wife’s house? Scandalous! Outrageous! Disgraceful! Catelyn was very tired of herself. But she also knew that she would have to draw the line somewhere. 

��“Catelyn?” 

 Edmure snapped his finger in her face.

 “Are you not listening to me?”

 She waved away his hand.

 “Give me a moment, I need to answer someone” she mumbled. 

 Can I call you in five minutes?

 It would be good to have a conversation about it. And Edmure would leave soon anyway. 

 “It’s him, isn’t it?”

 “If by ‘him’ you mean Ned, then yes.”

 Edmure already knew all of it, there was no point in lying. 

 “I thought you said you weren’t going to see him more.”

 It would have been better if he sounded more accusing. If he talked her out of it. But instead he just grinned in that way only he could do and winked. He was way too fine with that she had an affair. 

 “Well, some idiot came knocking on my door and interrupted last time I saw him” she said. 

 “Are you calling your son an idiot?” Edmure chuckled. “That’s unfair, he’s quite smart for a nine-year-old!”

 Why was she still spending time with her brother? Nobody knew. Especially not Catelyn herself. 

She rolled her eyes.

 “My son just doesn’t know what questions to ask.”

 “Catelyn, what Robb said was the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life, don’t be boring. You’re overreacting!”

 She was having an affair. With her ex from ten years ago. Who had a wife and another son. And her son had asked that man if he was her boyfriend, unknowing of that it was his father looking down at him. His father. Robb had met his father for the first time and he had not even known it. And Edmure was really telling her that she was overreacting.

 “Well, you don’t know everything so maybe you shouldn’t be talking about it” she muttered. 

 Can I have ten minutes?

 Of course he could have ten minutes. 

 Deal, I’ll call you in ten

 “Catelyn! Eyes off your phone!”

 “Oh for fuck’s sake, Edmure. You’re being really annoying right now, are you aware of that?”

 “I wouldn’t have to be annoying if you just ignored your lover for two minutes and talked to me. For real, I need to leave in two minutes. Can you just talk to me for two minutes?”

 “First of all, he’s not my lover. Second of all, lower your voice.”

 Robb had brought a friend him after school and they were in his room. She didn’t think they would be listening, they were busy playing, but she wouldn’t risk them hearing anything. It wasn’t a conversation for their innocent little ears. 

 “Then what is he?”

 “Nothing. We’re nothing.”

 Edmure snorted.

 “Then why was he in your bedroom two days ago? And why are you texting him as we speak?”

 “It’s complicated and you know that.”

 “That doesn’t take away the fact that he’s your lover.”

 They had seen each other twice, and had sex once, it couldn’t possibly make them lovers. 

 “I don’t love him, I’ve slept with him once, he’s not my lover. I’m going to see him one more time to break things off, that’s all.”

 “Oh, was that what you were trying to do? I must admit it didn’t really seem that way.”

 The amused tone in his voice was driving her mad. Couldn’t he just leave her be? 

 “I had things I needed to do first.”

 “‘Things you needed to do’?” Edmure laughed. “Just say you’re in love and horny, it’s fine.”

 “Has it been two minutes yet?”

 Edmure made a show of holding his wrist up and checking his watch. 

 “Not quite, you’re unlucky.”

 “Damn it.”

 The argument about whether or not Ned was her lover continued for another minute until Edmure pushed himself out of the armchair. By then Catelyn was glad to be rid of him. She loved him, but sometimes she believed his only hobby was pushing her buttons. 

Just after Edmure had left Robb came running out of his room. 

 “Mom, can I please have a sleepover with Theon on Friday? Please, please, please!”

 “If it’s okay with Theon’s parents I suppose I don’t have anything to object to. You can ask them when they come here to pick him up.”

 Robb’s smile could have outshined the sun. He hugged her tightly.

 “Thank you!”

 Then he let go of her and ran back into his room, closing the door behind him. She looked after him for a moment, and couldn’t keep back a smile. What had she done to deserve such a wonderful child? 

Only a minute later did she realize how perfectly that worked. The apartment would be empty except for her the night to Saturday. Ned could come to her instead. And they would have all night, no one would come to interrupt. Unless Ashara left on Saturday, of course.

The smile was still on her face when she called Ned. Three signals went and then he answered. 

 “Hey” he said.

 He had such an incredible voice. She had always been weak for it. And it reminded her of how much she had missed him. Hearing him, talking to him. She loved that. 

 “Hey” she replied. 

 “I have to make this quick. Okay?”

 “Yes. Of course” she said. 

 She wasn’t surprised. He probably had to get back to his wife. Or his son. The other son. The one that wasn’t hers. 

 “When does your wife leave?”

 “After dinner on Friday. Do you want to come here?”

 “I can’t do that. I might be having sex with her husband, but I won’t invade her home. That’s where I have to draw the line. So I have a different idea.”

 “Tell me about your idea.”

 Now she could hear the smile in his voice. 

 “Well, if everything goes as it should Robb will be sleeping over with a friend on Friday. So I’ll be alone here all night. I thought that maybe you would like to keep me company.”

 “I would like that very much.”

 “I’ll see you on Friday.”

 “I look forward to it.”

 “Bye.”

 “Bye.”

 Friday seemed terribly far away. But it would come. And she could barely wait. Thank the gods for Robb and Theon. 

Catelyn Tully was in a very good mood the rest of that night. She was running on the knowledge of that they would have an entire night for themselves. There would be no need for rushing. They could take there time. 

Or well, that good mood lasted until she was saying goodnight to Robb.

 “Is that man coming back here?”

 She frowned and sat on the edge of his bed. 

 “What man?”

 “The man who was here when I came home with Uncle Edmure.”

 “Oh, you mean Ned. No, he’s not.”

 “Why?”

 She tried to smile at him.

 “It’s difficult to explain, sweetheart.”

 He was quiet then and she believed the conversation to be over, but then he spoke again.

 “Too bad.”

 That surprised her. He had spoken to Ned exactly once and Ned had not answered. But apparently he had been thinking about it since then. 

 “You think so?”

 “Yeah. It would be fun to have a dad.”

 His words were a knife in her heart. It had always just been the two of them. Whatever quick relationships she had been in had never been involved at all. And she had been fine with that, had never missed someone else to share her home with. She had thought that Robb was okay with it too. But apparently he was missing a dad. She could be a lot of things to him. But she could never be a dad. 

 “Theon’s dad takes him fishing sometimes. And Jeyne’s dad builds things for her. Olyvar’s dad is a bit weird, but he makes funny jokes. And they come to pick them up from school.”

 He did have a father. And he had met him. But that did him no good. Because his father would never be able to be a dad to him. He had another son. Robb’s half-brother, not that any of them knew about it. But it was very much true.

 “I see. Was that why you asked if he was my boyfriend?”

 Robb nodded. 

 “If you get a boyfriend, can I have a sibling? I would like a sister.”

 She had never thought of more children. And she had no one to have them with. But if she found someone more kids wouldn’t be terrible. It would be quite nice, actually. When she was younger she had dreamed of a big family. And she had thought that she would have it with Ned. But things had not turned out that way. 

 “I don’t think you get to choose” she chuckled. 

 “A brother would be fine too, I guess. But I want a little sister.”

 “Yes. It would be nice with a girl. But I don’t know, Robb. It’s not that easy getting a partner, you have to consider so many things.”

 “Why can’t you ask Ned to be your boyfriend? So that I get a dad. And can have a sibling.”

 Robb couldn’t even imagine how much she wanted that. 

 “It doesn’t really work that way when you’re grown up. There are many steps before you can ask someone to be your partner. And you don’t just have a baby with anyone, you have consider very carefully before.”

 “Then why aren’t you together with my dad?”

 Because she found out that she was pregnant after they had broken up and he had moved to a different town. He had moved back three years later but she had not taken contact with him then, because she hadn’t wanted to force her child upon him. He had given her Robb, but he had had no say in it. Though she was closer to his dad then he knew. But what did she tell Robb? That he was an accident?

 “Well. It’s difficult to explain. There are many reasons for that.”

 “Mom? Why has my dad never come to see me? Doesn’t he love me?”

 He didn’t even know that Robb was his son. He knew nothing at all. 

 “Your dad loves you very much, Robb. And I wish with all my heart that he could come and see you. But I think it’s better this way.”

 Ned would have loved Robb if he had known. She knew that. He would have taken good care of him. So it wasn’t a complete lie. 

 “Okay. I love you.”

 “I love you too, sweetheart. Now try to sleep.”

 “Goodnight.”

 “Goodnight.”

 She leaned down and kissed his forehead and then she turned off the lamp. She walked out of his room, sat down on the couch and closed her eyes. 

Why had she not told Ned earlier, before he met Ashara? Why had she not told him immediately, as soon as she found out? Robb could have had a father. And maybe they would have gotten back together. Maybe they would have got married and had more kids. Maybe they would have lived in a big house with a garden. Maybe Ned would have made pancakes for breakfast during the weekends. 

She had never felt any desire to marry after Ned. Had never felt any desire to expand her family. Then Robb mentioned it once and all she could think of was how much she wanted it. She wanted a husband to make pancakes for her. Or at least she told herself that what she wanted was a husband. Deep down she knew that she wanted Ned. When she imagined it it was Ned. She couldn’t see anyone else. How would she be able she break things off when she was dreaming of a life with him? 

She needed to talk to someone who wasn’t Ned. And Edmure was definitely out of the game. In the end she decided on Cersei.

 Can I call you?

 It only took Cersei a minute to reply. 

 Yeah, sure, it’s Robert’s week with the kids so I’m alone

 She wasn’t supposed to be glad about her friend’s divorce, but in that moment she was. No, screw that, she was always glad about Cersei’s divorce, Robert had not been a very good husband. 

 “Are you in a personal crisis again?” was the first thing Cersei said. 

 “Hello to you too” Catelyn sighed.

 “That was not an answer.”

 “Yes. I’m in a personal crisis.”

 “Tell me all about it, darling, I’ve got all night.”

 “I have been alone with Robb for nine years and I’ve been fine that. I haven’t felt that my life is unfulfilled in any way. But now he asked me for a dad. And a sibling. And suddenly I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t marry Ned, like, tomorrow.”

 “You’ll be just fine, Catelyn. You’ve been on your own for so long. You don’t need a man to help you with it.”

 “No. It’s not that I need help. I just want someone to share things with. I’ve never considered myself to be lonely, but now I feel lonely. Robb wants a bigger family than just him and me. And I want that too, but I can’t do it alone. And the only one I want to do it with is Ned. But he already has that with someone else. With his wife.”

 They had met for the first time in ten years not even two weeks earlier. And had sex not even a week earlier. She was in no place where she could ask him to divorce his wife. But she wanted it. And she knew that she would never stop wanting it. She had to wait and see. Maybe he felt the same way. But she could never let him do that without telling him about Robb first. She could never let him leave his wife for her before he knew about Robb. 

 “Shit. You’re in love.”

 Saying it out loud would make her sound stupid. She wasn’t stupid, she had been well aware of that falling in love with married men were a terrible idea. And still she had done it. She had walked right into the trap. Her heart had abandoned all reason. And so had her brain.

 “Not in love. I think it’s that I can’t have it. I know I can’t have it and so I crave it more than anything else.”

 “I was going to say that you’re not stupid, but falling in love with your married ex from many years ago is a bit stupid. So are you going to see him again?”

 “I’m not in love. But I’m going to see him on Friday. He told me he loved me the first time he came here, but I have no idea about how much of it was truth and how much of it was just... shock over seeing me again.”

 “Does seeing him make you happy?”

 “Very.”

 “Then my advice is the same as before. Keep doing it as long as it feels good.”

 ~*~

 Ned felt a bit strange, saying goodbye to Ashara and Jon while knowing that he would leave and go to Catelyn less than an hour later. 

 “Promise you’ll behave when we’re gone” Ashara said, smiling, as she was packing their things into the car.

 “To the best of my ability” Ned answered.

 He couldn’t do better than what he was doing. He had to see Catelyn. 

 “Good. I’ll see you in two days.”

 “Bye, Dad!” Jon said as he fastened his seatbelt. 

 “Bye, Jon. Be good to Mom.”

 “I promise!”

 He had lost a tooth for the first time and when he smiled you could see the gap where it had been. He was getting bigger every day. Time went so ridiculously fast.

Ashara kissed him one last time before getting in her car and driving away. She would be gone for two days. And she would come back completely unaware of his crimes. How could he do that to her? How could he do that to his son? He had no idea. 

Once more he met Catelyn in the stairwell. That time he actually managed to stop himself from running into her. 

 “Look who’s early” she said.

 She reached up and kissed him quickly. As if it was a routine. 

 “I couldn’t wait to see you.”

 “I’m so sorry, Robb forgot his toothbrush, I need to give it to him. Would you be fine on your own for twenty minutes?”

 “I think I can manage that.”

 “You’re the best. I’ll see you soon.”

 She gave him the key and then she rushed down the rest of the stairs. He looked after her when she disappeared. That conversation had gone so easily. Like she was his wife, going to give their son his toothbrush. But she wasn’t his wife. And Robb wasn’t his son. Maybe he could have been, had things been different. 

He continued up, unlocked the door to her apartment and went inside. He didn’t really know what to do. It wasn’t his home. But he would have to spend at least twenty minutes there on his own. He had only been in Cat’s bedroom and the living room. Maybe he could have a look around? She probably wouldn’t mind.

The place wasn’t large, but they had a lot of stuff. The kitchen was very different from his own neatly cleaned kitchen. And she had a lot of plants. Little flowers and green things with huge leaves. A plant person. Catelyn was a plant person. And she seemed to love peanuts. And books, she had a book on every flat surface. Her son apparently loved yellow. And she had papers to grade on her kitchen table. It was fascinating, how much you could get to know of a person simply by walking around their home. 

When she came back he sat in the living room, flipping through one of her books. It was about the great fire of King’s Landing. Apparently there was a lot to say about it. 

 “Do you still read a lot?” she asked.

 “Not as much as I used to.”

 He had almost stopped reading completely after Jon was born. In the previous two years he had found his way back to it, but he definitely didn't read as much as when they had been together.

 “Me neither. I just can’t bring myself to put the books away. If I have them out it looks like I'm still a person who has time for reading."

 “You need to grade those essays on the kitchen table, you have to return those on Monday.”

 “I’m gonna do that as soon as you leave tomorrow” she smiled. “I’ve already read them, I just need to write some comments and put the the grade down.”

 The thought of that he wouldn’t have to leave until the day after made him feel all warm inside. He had many hours with Catelyn. There was no need for kissing in the hallway and going directly to the bedroom. 

 “What do you teach?”

 “History. Mostly Westerosi, but I definitely know more about the history of Essos than the average person.”

 Therefore all the history books. He probably would have been able to figure that out on his own if he had not been distracted by her. It was quite windy outside and strands of her hair had fallen out of her bun. She was beautiful. Very beautiful. 

She must have seen where his eyes were because she reached up and took it out, shaking her head slightly so that her hair fell down over her shoulders. 

She sat next to him and leaned against him, looking down at the book he held. The feeling of having her close again was wonderful. That was the way it was supposed to be. Or at least that’s what he felt in that moment.

 “They don’t know how the fire started” she said. “Everyone has a different theory. One believes it was a candle that fell over, another believes that the fire was started on purpose. One historian even says it was a dragon, though we have proof of that dragons died out a hundred years before the event.”

 “And what do you think is correct?” he asked, pulling her closer.

 “I think the houses were built way too close to each other and that a fire was inevitable since they didn't have a working fire brigade eight hundred years ago” she said, as a matter of fact. “It doesn’t matter what started it, the thing that matters is that it grew out of control. Five hundred thousand people lived in King’s Landing then, it’s estimated at least four hundred thousand died in the terrible fire because the gates weren’t open so that people could flee. And the ones who survived lost their homes and everything they owned. The city had to be rebuilt completely. Even the castle was destroyed.”

 He never wanted her to stop. Not that he cared much for the topic, but her voice when she started teaching instead of talking was incredible. He had never found someone’s way of talking more attractive. 

 “The queen died in the fire. Then another queen took over for a day, she was killed. Supposedly stabbed in the heart by her lover, but no one knows for sure. Personally, I find that a bit too poetic to be true. And then a new king was elected, King Brandon I, and he ruled for over sixty years. Oh gods, I’m super boring right now, sorry. I can’t help it.”

 “Don’t apologize, I think it’s interesting.”

 She looked at him.

 “Do you find the great fire of King’s Landing interesting or do you find me interesting?”

 “You got me there” he chuckled. “Your voice changes a bit. It suits you.”

 She laughed.

 “Thank you.”

 Ned leaned down and kissed her. She quickly deepened the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and pushing herself against him. The book fell to the floor with a thump when he pulled her up in his lap, but none of them seemed to hear it. The only thing that mattered in the moment was Catelyn. Her heat and her movements. The way she sighed softly into his mouth when he touched her in the right places. 

He easily picked her up without breaking the kiss and carried her towards the bedroom. It would be good with a bit of space to move. And that time no one would ring the doorbell, no one would call. It was just them. And they had all night. 

It was like no time at all had passed. She still knew just what to do. She knew where to touch him, where to kiss him, what to say. But the taste of her was the greatest gift of all. He could never have enough of it. He wanted to kiss her, make love to her, forever.

And somewhere in the darkest hours of the night, when the two of them were too exhausted to continue, she curled up against him and rested her head on his chest. He held her and ran his fingers through her hair, combing out the tangles that had appeared as they had worked together. She hummed in satisfaction and pressed a kiss to his chest. 

 “I don’t think I have ever felt better” she whispered.

 “Me neither.”

 It was true. Never had he felt more at peace. That was where he belonged, with his arms around Catelyn. 

He reached down and pulled a blanket over her. She had always got cold so easily. It was almost ridiculous, but he wanted her to be comfortable.

 “Thank you” she mumbled, half-asleep. 

 It didn’t take long before he was sleeping too. 

 ~*~

 Catelyn stretched out and yawned. Turned so that she could come closer to Ned. Only to find the bed empty. The door to the bedroom was closed. That was strange. Had he left without telling her? That wasn’t like him at all. 

She dragged herself out of bed, found her underwear and pulled an oversized t-shirt over her head. Then she opened the door to see if she could find some clue about where he could be. Immediately she became aware of the sweet scent that filled the air and the noice from the kitchen. 

Curiously she made her way to the kitchen. And found that Ned was making breakfast. 

 “I’m sorry, did I wake you?” he asked. 

 “Not at all, what are you making?” she asked. 

 He looked up at her with a smile.

 “You still like pancakes, right?”

 Fuck. He was making her pancakes. All she had wanted was someone to make her pancakes. And there he was, making her pancakes. What a fool she had been when they broke up. She should have married him. She should have made him hers before Ashara could do it. Because now his pancakes were wasted on her. 

She had thought that she was done. She could remember so clearly when she fell asleep with her head on his chest that she had been satisfied. That it was fine if she didn’t spend the rest of her life with him, because one night had been enough. Of course it would have been nice to have him with her forever, but she hadn’t been destroyed over that it would never happen. She would love him forever, but she could let him go. She could stop seeing him.

Now she could feel tears rise in her eyes. He was making her pancakes. He was making breakfast for her. Like they were married, like it was just a normal morning in their lives. And the thought of having him in her kitchen more times was so desirable that she couldn’t crush it. She couldn’t let him go. Because he was making her pancakes. She would happily keep the secret to herself if that meant that he would be with her. Always.

 “Are you crying?”

 She walked over to him and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. 

 “Yes. Damn you.”

 He laid one arm around her. 

 “You can just say you don’t like pancakes. I’ll make something else, it’s fine.”

 “No! I love pancakes.”

 “Then what is it, Cat?”

 He loved her enough to make her pancakes. He loved her enough to stay with her and make pancakes for her. She couldn’t just look past that.

 “You make it really hard for me to let you go back to your wife.”

 “Would that I could stay with you. I should have asked you to marry me, all those years ago.”

 “I wish you had. Maybe we could have made it work now. We are not the immature people we were ten years ago.”

 She pulled away from him so that he could continue without burning anything. 

 “Do you want to stay with your wife?” she asked as she sat on a chair by the table.

 “That’s a hard question. I have been married to Ashara for seven years, you don’t just throw that away without thinking twice first.”

 “Did you think twice before going into this?”

 “I can barely think once when I’m with you.”

 “If you had not been married to her now, would you have married me?”

 “Without hesitating.”

 And despite everything she couldn’t help her smile. In a day his wife would come home and their little bubble would burst. But Catelyn would stay in that bubble for as long as she could. The sun was shining outside the window, the air was filled with the lovely scent of pancakes, and Ned was there with her. Just then all was well and she was happy. Life was good. And she wanted it to be like that always. She didn’t want to always be stressed about someone finding out about them. She didn’t want it to be secret. 

 “I’m going to throw away the note and delete you number after you leave” she said. 

 “Why?”

 “Because then I’ll have to think twice before trying to reach you again.”

 “I’ll have to take matters into my own hands then.”

 “Yeah. You can call me if you decide to leave your wife” she said. “Because I want to have you like this too. I want to find you in my kitchen every morning, I want to fall asleep with your arms around me every night. I want us to live a normal life together. I don’t want an affair. And you can’t give me that for as long as you’re married to her.”

 “It hasn’t even been a week. We shouldn’t rush.”

 “I know. That doesn’t take away the fact that I love you. That my heart aches at the thought of not being with you. All of you. But you’re right, we shouldn’t rush. So take your time, think.”

 “I have my son to think of too, it’s not only Ashara. But no matter what I choose to do, just know that I love you too. Very much. If things were easier I would marry you in a heartbeat. And I would make you pancakes every day.”

 “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said” she chuckled. 

 “It’s true though. Do you have maple syrup?”

 “I don’t know. Might have.”

 He actually managed to find some. And the pancakes were the most fantastic thing Catelyn had ever eaten. Ned left after they had breakfast. He kissed her before opening the door. Very softly, it felt like some sort of promise. 

And after that she tore the note to pieces and threw it away. The number in her phone was deleted. And suddenly she had nothing from him. Except for the leftover pancakes in the fridge. 

 ~*~

 No no no no no no no no no. That couldn’t happen. It was impossible. It couldn’t be true. Not again. Not again. She couldn’t do it again. It seemed like Robb’s wish had come true in the worst possible way. She was pregnant. Once more she found herself pregnant with Ned’s baby. They had not spoken since that morning in the kitchen, when he had made her pancakes. But now she had to. Because she couldn’t do as she had done with Robb. He would know. No matter what she said he would know. She had to tell him. Immediately. They had to figure it out together. Because the baby was as much his as it was hers.

She looked at herself in the mirror above the sink. Tried to wipe away her tears and failed because they kept coming against her will. She picked up her phone, typed in the number as if though she had never deleted it. And pressed call. He picked up almost immediately. Despite that it was the middle of the night. 

 “Catelyn?”

 “Ned.”

~*~

So here’s part 3. More memes will probably come tomorrow, so stay tuned for that. Also, another pretty quick update. Go, me! And it’s longer than the previous chapters.

Catelyn’s love for pancakes is 100% inspired by that I craved pancakes so badly when I was writing this chapter. No, I never got any pancakes. And Catelyn telling Ned about when KL burned down is taken from season 8 on the show. I didn’t like season 8, calm down, I just took a major event that happened during GoT because they live in a modern Westeros and that would be a part of it’s history.

Now I don’t think I need to say more than that. Thank you for reading <3

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Graduation surprise; BoRhap cast x reader

*Author’s note*

Hey ya’ll well I promised this fic when I posted the Queen prom fic so here it is. Now I know it’s not as long as the last one is but I felt like this didn’t need to be super long. Also as another special little fact for ya’ll I was gonna make this a Queen fic as well but then I decided to change it to a BoRhap CAST fic since I hadn’t done one of just them in awhile. 

So to all seniors whether HS or college, the class of 2020 CONGRATULATIONS I know it’s not what you hoped it would be but still try to find celebration in this pandemic, you all achieved probably the greatest milestones in your life. So stay safe, stay healthy, stay sane, and be happy :) Lot’s of love from me my darlings!

Taglist:

@waddles03​

@psychosupernatural​

@plethora-of-things​

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​

@ixchel-9275​

@simonedk​

@queensdivas​

@platawnic​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@kairosfreddie​

_______________________________________________________________

Goddamn this year! Just when we think the new decade would be worth our wild, now we’ve got all this shit going on! First there was the threat of WW3, then the next month we’re dealing with wildfires in Australia, and finally to top it off why not add a global pandemic?!

The Coronavirus has literally been all over the news for months, and the fact that our government knew about it since late last year and didn’t warn us about it!? Then when they told us to be on lockdown, everyone starts hording toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and food that no one can buy said items for weeks on end.

But of course my main problem is the fact that I, along with so many other kids and adults around the world can’t participate in their own graduation ceremony.  As a college student, I was just longing to finally participate in my final graduation ceremony ever.  This was supposed to be my final chapter in school life and now because of this damn virus, that’s gone.

I mean yeah my diploma will be coming in the mail but I wanted my family to all be there to see me reach the end of my school life before I finally begin a new chapter.  Plus my cousin’s friends said that they would come and see me and I’ve missed seeing those guys, I hadn’t seen them all since the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere.

I sat there in my old room of my house (cause since the University closed down back in March, all students had to leave the college campus and go home so that way we could reduce the spread of the virus. So I ended up moving back in with my parents) just finishing up my final paper for class.

That’s when my Zoom video chat blew up with my cousin’s profile pic.  I grinned and clicked on the answer button and soon enough my cousin’s face took over my screen.

“Hey poppet.”

“Hey Gwil, how you holding up?” he let out a sigh.

“As best as I can. Though I should be asking you that, you are the one really dealing with this whole Coronavirus adjustment than I am. How’d you do on your classes?”

“For those that have said online classes are easier, they’re dirty rotten liars and completely incompetent.” He softly chuckled. “But thankfully I finished my last exam paper and submitted it just now.”

“Your dad look over it for you? Cause I know you’re a terrible editor.”

“Oi not all the time. Just when I’m lazy.” He hummed as he raised his brow at me. “But yes I did have dad review it for me. Cause before we got to submit the rough draft and my professor said I needed more analysis to my quotes on why I quoted that specific source. God I don’t know why I took that class to begin with?”

“Because you’re a criminology nut and you have been since you turned 16. God and I thought my horror movie tastes were bad.”

“Hey it’s good to be aware of shit like that!”

“Language missy!”

“Okay Cap.” I teased.  He gave me his stern look which made me laugh as I fell to my side on the bed. “Oh by the way I saw that little dating app video you did.”

“And what did you think?”

“I liked it. Kinda makes me wish an app like that did exist in real life.”

“You not just pulling my leg on this?”

“No. Honest and swear to god you had me moved by your performance. Well next to you being Brian May of course.” He grinned. “I swear I still can’t get over when I first saw you in the full hair and makeup, I literally almost had a freakin panic attack.”

“And the fact that Brian was also there to witness that.”

“Oh god don’t even go there!” I groaned as I hid my face in embarrassment.

“So—now that you’re all done with school, what’s next for you?”

“Well any plans I had are put on hold till this whole crisis goes away. And I really thought 2020 was gonna be my year. This sucks!”

“I know poppet, I know. But believe me that it’s not just you whose affected by this. Everyone in the whole world is suffering exactly the same way you are.” I sighed solemnly.

“I know. I mean I should be feeling for you and the guys right now, I mean all of you are out of work till further notice. And all the restaurants that I love going to. Did you know that the little ice cream parlor you and I used to go to when we were kids shut down?”

“No!”

“Yeah, the owner couldn’t keep up the payments because hardly anyone was ordering from them anymore, even with online delivery. So she closed it down.”

“Damn, that sucks. I really loved going to that place with you. That was always our special little time together without the grownups around.” I nodded remembering all the fun times we had together in that little shop.

It was then someone suddenly popped into our conversation.  The extra person now on my screen was none other than Joe Mazzello.

“Hey Gwil, mini-Lee!”

“Hello Joe.” Answered Gwil.

“Hey Joe been a long time.”

“How you two holding up?” he asked us.

“As best as we can, how about you? I’ve seen those Youtube videos you’ve been doing on your page.” Gwil said.

“You know those were jokes, especially that last one. I just wanted to get a laugh out of everyone, or have them hate me.”

“No one could hate you Joey.” I said with a smile.

“Aww thanks mini-Lee. How’s classes been?” I let out a groan as I once again flopped on my bed which made Joe laugh.

“I am just thankful that this is all over. At first I thought online classes would be easy but one of my professors was technology challenged. Another one would sometimes forget to do a lesson, and then of course blackboard could barely operate long enough for me to submit an assignment which caused some of them to be late.”

“Well like you said it’s over now.” Joe assured me.

“Oh hey I saw that Jurassic Park livestream you did.”

“Oh did you? How come I didn’t see you submit a question or just say hello? I’ve seen your Youtube page so I know your username by heart.”

“Cause I may or may not have also been working on a project. But chose the livestream over the project.”

“Nice going Joe, you’ve turned my cousin into a procrastinator.” Gwil complained.

“Hey at least she has Jurassic Park unlike you Gwilym Lee! Serious shame on you for not owning it! This is why mini-Lee is the coolest out of the two of you.” I snarked out a mock laugh as I stuck my tongue out.

“Ganging up against me okay I see how it is you two.”

“Oh come now cousin dear, we’re just messing around.”

“Messing around? If we’re messing with Gwil then I want a part of it.” Soon another picture came up and there lying on his side was Ben Hardy.

“Benjamin!” Joe screamed joyously.

“Hi Ben.” I sung out.

“Hey (y/n).” he waved at me with a wink. “Now going back to teasing Gwilym.”

“You guys are officially gonna be blocked right after this.” My cousin groaned.  We all laughed when I told him.

“Again cousin, we’re teasing you. So Ben, what brings you here?”

“What can’t I pop in and say hello?” I giggled.

“I see nothing wrong with it. Oh hey get this; I finally got around to watching 6 Underground.”

“And what did you think of it?”

“The first 10 minutes were insane! And truthfully I never really understood Michael Bay films, but this one—definitely my favorite. I loved it Ben, really.”

“Well thank you (n/n). Thank you.”

“Never did I think I needed to see both you and Ryan Reynolds on screen together….”

“Whoa okay easy there (n/n)!” Joe interrupted me.

“Oi you get your mind out of the gutters! And you say it’s the fans that make what you say to the extreme.” I scowled him.

“Trust me, I’ve known him for over 10 years and he still doesn’t grow up.” Another voice stated and soon two more familiar faces popped up on screen, stuck in quarantine together in LA were Rami and Lucy. And then a split second later another face came on the screen, it was none other than Alan Leech.

“Hey, Rami, Lu-lu, Alan!” I cheered.

“Hey (y/n)!” the three of them said as they waved.

“God I feel like I’m getting spoiled, got the entire BoRhap family together for the first time in like—forever.”

“It’s crazy.” Alan said.

“Definitely.” Agreed Rami.

“Maybe when this whole thing blows over we should all get together some time in New York.” Offered Joe.

“I’m down with it.” Ben said.

“Me too.” Lucy agreed with a nod.

“Yeah, (n/n), Ben and I could fly out together.” Said Gwil.

“I’m down with that. Now that I’m done with school, I can do what I want now.”

“So guys now that we’re all here shall we begin?” Lucy said.

“Begin what? Gwil what’s going on?” I asked.

“Well (n/n), when this whole quarantine shutdown and school cancellations started affecting the class of 2020 we all felt bad that you couldn’t graduate the way you hoped you would.” Gwil said before Joe continued.

“So Gwil called all of us up via the Whatsapp chat, as well as our daily zoom calls. To gather us all together on your ‘last day’ of college.”

“To celebrate your own Virtual college graduation party!” Rami cheered.  At that point everyone either threw confetti, blew on graduation blowers, or holding up signs that said CONGRATS 2020 GRADUATE!!!

I covered my mouth with my hands speechless and tried to hold back the tears.

“Ohh you guys.”

“Since you couldn’t have a college graduation party, we figure we’d bring the party to you. See not even this pandemic can stop us from celebrating our Mini-Lee’s ultimate milestone.” Ben said as he set down his congrats sign.

“And also expect some gifts within the next few weeks, depending on how the mailing services do with overseas gifts.” Alan said.

“Aww thanks you guys, you didn’t have to.”

“We know, but we wanted to. Let us spoil you even through this pandemic.” Said Joe.

“Thanks guys, this—really means a lot to me.” I wiped a hidden tear that strayed down the corner of my eye.  They all awed at me that’s when Gwil lifted up a small graduation cake.

“I know, I know this’ll be ridiculous but just humor me will yah?” I smiled and nodded.  He lit up the 2020 candles and held it just high enough for me to see the top part of the candles.

“CONGRATS (Y/N) LEE! CLASS OF 2020!!!” everyone proclaimed at once which made me smile and I blew out towards the screen.  Gwil then blew out the candles for me as everyone else cheered and clapped.

“Thanks so much you guys. Really, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

“We’re happy to do it (y/n). If it makes your day a little bit brighter in these dark times.” Rami said.

“It did Rami, it really did.”

“Well hope we can make this even better cause I’ve also got a part 2 to this little surprise. But in order for that to happen, everyone else has got to go otherwise you won’t really be able to see it as clearly.” Gwil said.

“Aww man.” I whined.

“No worries mini-Lee, your cousin added you to our BoRhap Whatsapp chat and I’ll send you a link to our zoom channel if you ever wanna chat with us again.” Joe said with a wink.

“Thanks Joe. And thanks everyone take care and stay safe.” They all waved and bid me goodbye with waves or blowing kisses at me and one by one they signed off till it was once again just Gwil and I.

All I could see across his bearded face was that cheeky grin he does whenever he’s trying to hide something.

“What are you grinning about?”

“Just the fact that I’ll be the best cousin once you see part 2 of your special surprise.”

“What did you do?”

“If I told you it won’t be a surprise now would it? Now let’s see, god I hope they get it.” He muttered the last part to himself. It took a few minutes till finally another screen popped up and standing there in his room was Adam Lambert.  I fangirled in my seat and covered my mouth trying to contain my squeals.

“Hey girlfriend!” he greeted with a wave.

“Adam oh my god!”

“How’s it going?”

“It’s been going. Finally submitted my last paper. So I’m officially done with school forever.”

“Yaas Queen!” he snapped. “So how’s it feel to be a college graduate?”

“Well it’d be better if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic.”

“Understandable, but hey you’ve worked hard for this so be proud of yourself no matter what’s going on in the world right now.” I nodded with a shrug. “And to celebrate your graduation, your cousin whipped up another little surprise for you.”

“Oh my god Gwil you didn’t!” I gasped.  He merely raised a brow at me cheekily as he bit his lip back from a smile.

“Hey guys you there?!” Adam called out and soon enough two more screens came on and the picture revealed to be both Brian May and Roger Taylor.  Brian sitting on his couch while Roger looked to be in his basement with his drumkit.

At this point, I had lost my shit.  I was fangirling to the max at this rate but tried to calm down.

“Hi (y/n), congratulations of graduating.” Brian greeted me.

“Major achievement there love. Congrats.” Roger added.

“Oh my god…..Gwil this is—how……”

“I knew you’d love it (n/n). Plus I knew this would cheer you up after our last conversation we had last week. You really needed some cheering up.”

“So guys are we ready to do this?” asked Adam.

“I’m ready to go if you both are.” Said Brian as he took his Red Special and set it on his lap and Roger twirled his drumstick.

“(Y/n), this is for you love. Hopefully when this whole mess is over, you can finally go out there and reach your dream job. Till then we hope you enjoy this.” Roger said.

It was then both Roger and Brian began playing the tune for ‘we are the champions’ but as Adam began singing the song, it turns out that they were actually singing their new song, ‘You are the champions’ dedicated to the first responders worldwide.

But now they were playing it in my honor as a college graduate.  As they continued to play the song, I allowed the tears to flow down my face as I laced my hand over my heart.

God—never did I think that through this pandemic would I be happy.  From having to never see any of my friends I made in college again, to not having my whole family come to the house to celebrate, or going out to party with some of my friends.  But this—right here and now, my cousin made it all up to me all the way from London.

At this point, I knew that I was officially the luckiest person in the world.  All thanks to my favorite cousin, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[peachywise]

nullify

an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader 

- part 6: the beginning of understandings || part i ⋆ part ii ⋆ part iii ⋆ part iv ⋆ part v ⋆ more to be released 

- synopsis: It was finally time to meet the bringer of the apocalypse– a petite girl wrapped up in a blanket drinking tea. Totally chill. Nothing unusual about the situation at all. At least Klaus was consistent with his irritating commentary.

- note: my bad sorry i haven’t updated in so long!! but i’m back! and since season 2 is now out, please just note that this story is my own continuation of the story after season 1. also, i am no longer doing a tag list. honestly i just can’t be bothered, and i’m sure most of the blogs have changed since the last one for this series. i post on ao3, so you can subscribe to the story there!! 

link on ao3 

_______________________________________

Okay. So you were going to face the person who allegedly caused the apocalypse. No big deal. This was just a normal day, and she was just a girl. Albeit one who had undergone pretty severe trauma in her life, but hey. Nothing you couldn’t handle with a pleasant smile and a cup of tea, right?

Maybe the tea was a bad idea. But you felt like you needed a peace offering. Something to break the ice before asking someone who was relatively a complete stranger, “I think I can contain your powers, so why don’t we try? Also, why don’t you move into my apartment for the time being? I promise the occasional cockroach that comes out the drain won’t do any harm. It would be nice if he paid rent, but I can’t complain.”

Yeah. Just a normal day.

An abrupt tap on your shoulder and Klaus’s breath tickling the side of your neck forced your eyes away from your previous stare down with the white bedroom door, and any and all courage you’d built up to walk in quickly dissipated.

“Hey, you think if this whole—” his voice caught on a sharp intake of breath as he tried to find his words, his hands rolling, “trying to convince my sister to not start the second apocalypse by moving in with you thing doesn’t work out, I can still crash there? You can’t begin to imagine just how stifling it is here. I don’t even think Five has changed out of his little uniform in a week, let alone had a shower. You smell so much better. Like vanilla with a bit of stale coffee and deep-seated cynicism.”

Turning your face fully towards his, your noses almost touching by how close he had leaned in, you kept your expression passive. And then you tipped your hand to let half of the scalding tea fall over the lip of the cup and on his bare feet.

As Klaus jumped back, hopping between his feet and hollering a string of “ow, ow, ow,” you took a small step back and replied with a drab and mocking, “that has to hurt.”

Klaus gave a curt laugh that was almost lost, given his teeth were clenched in pain. “You know, I don’t know if I like your violent style of foreplay.”

“You’re making it very clear why Vanya destroyed the world in the first place, Klaus,” you responded, voice raised. “You haven’t even experienced just how sadistic I can be. I can turn around right now and just let her cause the second apocalypse again.”

“How original of you, threatening to leave. What is it, the tenth time already? Maybe if we’re all lucky, you can get a couple more in before dinner!”

“You know what’s original? Your desperate need for attention because you never got any from daddy as a kid. I’ve never seen that before-“

The door opened in front of you, and someone’s soft cough had you and Klaus both turning in their direction.

Allison Hargreeves.

“Are you guys done?” She questioned, a tight impatient look crossed on her features. At a loss for words, partly embarrassed now that you’d raised your voice, you tried to find anywhere to look but her eyes. Your gaze ultimately got caught on her neck, and the healed, puffy scar raised on her skin. Right. They’d mentioned Vanya had injured Allison. Pretty horribly at that. You remembered what you were nervous about in the first place.

“Allison, this is Y/N, though they will reply to trouble or travel-sized Satan just as well,” Klaus offered, slipping past his sister, who stood fully in the frame of the doorway.

Reaching behind to scratch your neck, you forced a timid smile on your face and gave a small wave with your free hand. “Hey. Nice, uh… place you got here.” Totally casual. “Very clean.” Not awkward at all.

Allison snorted. “Uh-huh. Nice to meet you. Let’s see if this was all worth it, shall we?”

Straight to the point. You could respect that. Nodding, you kept the nervous smile on your face as you walked past her after she sidestepped away from the door. You didn’t really know what you were expecting. Part of you thought the room was going to be some weird pit of despair. Dark and broody, like it was supposed to set the scene for some comic book character about to delve into their villain origin story.

But nope. It was just a standard bedroom, very well lit, white linen, clean carpet. The only thing that really stood out was the sunny yellow blanket wrapped tightly around a petite frame huddled on the single bed, a sky blue polka dot teacup clutched in both of her hands.

Well, now you didn’t feel so bad that you’d poured out basically all the tea you were going to give Vanya on Klaus.

“I’m guessing you’re Vanya?”

No shit, she was Vanya. You literally knew what she looked like.

You shuffled your feet awkwardly as the girl’s eyes flickered up to you. You still had the teacup in your hand.

“I brought you this, but I… spilled a little,” you commented off-handily, moving over to set it on a small side table.

Klaus made a notably shocked look. “Is that what you call a little?”

Vanya nodded her head once, her tone quietly gruff as she added, “we could hear you through the door.”

Allison offered a very helpful, “I’m sure the whole apartment floor heard them.”

Klaus, unable to contain himself from continuing this rally of comments, added, “well, it’s not the only time my screams have woken up someone next door. Certainly won’t be the last, God hoping the world doesn’t explode again.”

All three of you groaned. Good to know you weren’t the only one exhausted.

“It’s nice to meet you, Vanya. Did they explain to you why I’m here?” You asked, moving closer to the girl in question.

Vanya’s eyes glanced quickly over to Allison, who nodded her head in encouragement. She then turned to look at you once more and gave a slight jerk of her head in affirmation. Despite what had happened between Vanya and Allison, you could see the trust between the sisters. You might have gotten the story of what happened three months prior, but obviously they had worked out some stuff. At least a little bit. “Yeah. Yeah, Five uhm, gave me the gist of it,” Vanya replied, her voice still quiet with an edge of hesitance.

“It really works,” Klaus stated, looking at you with a joyful look. “Not seeing Ben’s ugly mug for once…” he pressed his hands to his heart and contentedly sighed, “it was the biggest blessing one could have given me.” His serene mood quickly dissipated as he looked to an empty corner and bit out a tight, “zip it, ghoul boy.”

“I don’t know,” Vanya carried on, as Klaus and presumably Ben continued to have an argument in the back. “Our powers are different. I don’t know if I want to take the risk of using it again in case it doesn’t work.”

You sighed, and Allison brought her hand up to nervously to chew on a nail. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, you tried your best to settle the situation. Yeah, the money you would get for this would be nice, but you could tell this all went beyond that. It was important. You knew they wouldn’t have just let you into their inner circle if it wasn’t.

“I get it. What happened was awful, but you aren’t in that place anymore, right? Panic makes you do stupid shit. You aren’t you when you’re in such a crisis. That doesn’t mean you don’t take accountability for those actions, but the you sitting here isn’t actively trying to blow up the moon and cause the end of the world.” Peering over to Klaus, who stood grumpily off to the side, you asked, “it was the moon, right?”

His attention quickly fixed on you as he replied back, “oh yeah,” making a sudden explosion movement with his hands and horrible sound effects to go with it.

Allison’s blunt, “Klaus,” was enough to quickly shut him up.

“But I could panic again,” Vanya pleaded, her hazel eyes cutting in their pain. As stable and as comfortable as she appeared now, you could recognize that constant fear that must have lived in her. You knew too much about regret. You could see that in her eyes.

“And that’s where I come in. I can stop that. But we have to try first to see if it can work.” Reaching out a hesitant hand, you placed it on her knee still covered with the blanket and offered, “this power is inside you whether you like it or not. I don’t have perfect control over mine. I wish there were things I had done differently.” People you could have saved. People who you accidentally hurt. “You tried suppressing it, but that only made it explosive once it was actually let out. We can try to make it so you can live with it. Even if you don’t use it, at least you can control it.”

Vanya bit her lip and drooped her head, her hair falling in curtains around her face. You were curious about what her thoughts were. The furrow between her brows tensed and untensed in a way you knew her answer to the proposition was continually changing.

“Vanya, I’ve gone the self-destructive route to try and drown the voices out,” Klaus chirped up in the silence, his compassionate tone odd to your ears. From the corner, he strolled past you and rested a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “But I’ve never experienced quiet so fully until they put their field around me.” Soft eyes met yours as he added, “I never thought it was possible. It’s all I ever wanted.”

Holding his look for a moment, you weren’t quite sure what to say. You’d never really been… praised for your gift. Whenever you tried to use it to help someone else, you’d get called a freak or something worse. Any other time, it accidentally (well, purposefully sometimes) harmed someone. You could tell Klaus was sincere. Listening to the voices of the dead so much must be harrowing. You never really gave much thought about spirits and their presence, but for all you know, there could be multiple in the room with him at any moment. Always in pain. Always sharing that with him.

All you could manage to offer in response was a gentle smile before you tipped your head back to look at Vanya. “You don’t know me. I can’t ask you to trust me to do this. But why don’t you stay with me for a bit anyway? Klaus will be there, and you can come and go as you want, the others too. I’ll show you a couple of things I can do with the force field, and when you’re ready to test it out, we will. This is in your hands, Vanya. You’re in control.”

That’s all people like us could ever want. Control. Certainty—

Understanding.

“I already called sharing the bed with Trouble, just so you know,” Klaus said.

Although, it seemed your understanding clearly had its limits.

“If you did that, I would have to burn my bed so I didn’t get fleas. How about I get you a nice doggy bed instead?”

That got a grin out of Vanya, and when Allison added, “I think a flea repellent collar would be a wise investment as well,” her smile grew a little more comfortable.

“very funny, really, ” Klaus muttered.

“Okay. I’ll come with you,” Vanya finally conceded, reaching over to set her cup on the nightstand. “I’m— I don’t think I’m ready to try it out yet, but I guess if I do lose control again, having you there will be a good safety net?”

“We’ll all be your safety net this time.” Allison’s tone was earnest, remorse and care wrapped up on one. “I promise.” She sat on the bed and Vanya gently rested her head on her shoulder.

Whatever had gone on with this family, whatever tragedy had occurred in the past or with the current ordeal, seemed to be mending. You were kind of in awe staring at the scene. You had never known this kind of support since your father, and even then, you were so young that your memories of those feelings of comfort had faded. You lived alone. Didn’t really have any lasting friendships. You had the old couple across the hall who you played cards with at least once a week— though you were pretty sure they cheated every single time— but that wasn’t even close to what the Hargreeves had.

Family.

Standing back up, you heaved in a heavy breath. “I’ll leave you to pack,” you offered with your best shot at a cheery smile despite the sudden growing muck (jealousy, sadness, regret) festering through your veins. “Would you mind if I use the bathroom?”

Allison started to talk, offering you directions before Klaus interjected, “I’ll show you where it is.”

You were going to argue that you were perfectly capable of managing directions in the single apartment, but he placed his hand on your back and was quickly ushering you out of the door and down the rest of the hall.

“You really okay with doing this?” His questioned jarred you, eyes widening as you stepped away from his touch.

“Klaus, are you kidding?” You shot back, your exhaustion entrapping your exasperation in one low, breathy air. “I didn’t see you caring about that when I had originally said no multiple times.”

“You didn’t have that,” he stalled, struggling to come up with words as he haphazardly waved his hands in front of your face, “that look before. You looked sad when Vanya said she would come.”

Ah. You thought you’d shielded your face away from what you had felt. Strange that he would pick up on it. “It’s fine, Klaus. I want to help.”

Klaus didn’t look so sure, but he was also resigned enough to accept that answer. It was the truth anyway. It was a brief second of allowing yourself to feel bad. We all had those. A desire for something else someone has, for love, for care. But maybe this situation would help. Helping someone else, someone relatively similar to you, given the fucked up freak birth that messed up all their lives, would give you a sense of purpose.

“Can I ask you something, though?” You said, biting the inside of your cheek in a sort of nervous gesture.

“Yeah, sure,” Klaus prompted, curiosity lowing his eyebrows as he slightly tilted his head.

“Did you mean what you said in there? Did my blocking your power really help you that much?” You just needed to know. He looked so earnest, almost… desperate to experience it again. You felt seized by a sudden warmth. You just wanted to experience that again, whatever that was. To feel like you had done right.

“Trouble, you have no idea how much that helped. I meant what I said,” his tone turned almost affectionate, his eyes almost pleading with you to believe, “It really is all I ever wanted.”

And suddenly, the warmth that you hoped would have a growing familiarity in your body came back. However, there was something else there, nagging at the back of your consciousness, that you couldn’t quite grasp. It almost felt like concern or empathy, but there was something more. Despite Klaus’s kind words, there was an undercurrent of sadness to them. The man in front of you, who sometimes seemed so much younger and fragile than what he was, had been through hurt. You could recognize it. You had the moment you had met him and all the Hargreeves. But you were finally beginning to fully comprehend what his particular sadness was.

“It’s horrible to have been forced with a burden that could probably do so much good, but we just haven’t been able to see it.” You murmured, speaking your thoughts out loud without really meaning to. “All of you guys were forced to do good with your powers. Be the good guys, get the bad ones. That in itself was another burden just on top of it. You were kids. You never got to experience normal lives and have your powers adjusted to fit normalcy. I guess I’m lucky in that regard.”

You didn’t really know what you were saying. Just looking at Klaus’s face and the emotions you couldn’t read had you spewing words so freely that surely he must have thought you to be the erratic one now and not him.

“Sorry,” you laughed lightly, trying to break the tension. “I guess I’m just trying to say, if my power can do good by helping you guys out, then I’m happy. Whenever things get too noisy, just let me know and I’ll try and drown it out for you. Maybe just… living for a while, not stressing about your next plans, will help too.” You could try to provide some sort of normalcy in your shitty little apartment, with shitty cable, and an even shittier view.

“I’ll do that,” Klaus’s voice was so quiet you barely caught what he had said. “Thank you.”

Averting your gaze to the floor, you rubbed the tip of your nose with the back of your hand and stood in silence for a few moments.

“So uhm. Where’s that bathroom?”

“Oh, shit! Ah, yeah, just down the hall and to the right off the kitchen,” Klaus laughed, tension easing.

“What, not going to lead to it?” You teased.

“No, I think you can manage pretty well,” he smirked, before walking off into one of the adjacent rooms, probably to go pack.

What a shame. You’d probably have to burn all his clothes before they touched your carpets, now that you thought about it. You know, because of the fleas and all that.

[25yearsofcrying]

Julie and the Phantoms

Summary: Trying my own hand at JATP novelization, using the show rather than the novel or the scripts. I’m sure it’s been done before but there’s never enough Julie and the Phantoms, right? If nothing else, I have an excuse to rewatch every single scene of the show all over again. And the deleted scene...

CHAPTER 02: life is a test, yes

Julie

I never used to want to be invisible, but that was before. Now I keep my head down and my cap pulled into my face as I weave my way through the hallway of Los Felis High School. I’ve had more than enough attention, the wrong kind, over the past year. That’s the one thing no one tells you about losing a mother. That people will shower you with pity. And those same people will look at you with side eye when you don’t bounce back as fast as they need you to.

I’m standing at my locker when my best friend bounces over. “Hey, underachiever,” she greets me, teasing.

That brings a brief smile to my face. “Hey, disappointment,” I counter.

She gets straight to the point, as she always does. “I know you don’t want me to ask, but have you figured out what you’re gonna do today?” And she is right. I don’t want her to ask. This is not a conversation I am ready for, despite having seen it coming.

“I’ll know in the moment,” I say and I can tell my best friend sees through my blatant lie.

My name is Julie and hers is Flynn and while she’s the furthest thing from a disappointment, but these days, I am as well be that and an underachiever, too. I never used to be. I used to work hard, apply myself as the teachers would say, and I made my family proud. My grades are still okay these days, also thanks to the teachers’ leniency over the past few months, but I can’t find my ambition. Aspiring towards anything feels hollow when my mom’s not around to witness my achievements. Everything just reminds me that she is not here anymore.

At this point, everyone thinks I’m a loser. A flake. The girl who is still in the music program because the teacher feels sorry for me, not because I belong.

Flynn looks at me in disbelief. She has one of those extremely expressive faces and I would be able to tell how frustrated she is with me even if I didn’t know her as well as I do. “Really, Jules? That’s all you’re giving me? Mrs. Harrison said this is your last chance.”

“I know. I was there.” I appreciate what Flynn’s trying to do for me, I do. She’s been kicking my behind into gear for the past year and I’m not sure where I’d be without her. They say you find who your real friends are in a time of crisis and I certainly have. Flynn can be kind and Flynn be tough, but about all, Flynn is loyal. Right now, however, my insides are twisting with nerves as is.

I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Fortunately, I’m saved from further conversation by a familiar, annoying voice. Carrie Wilson, our school’s queen bee and kind of celebrity, floats through the hallway with flyers in hand. She hands one to anyone willing to take it, which is everyone. “See you at the rally!” she says with each flyer. Her tone drips with sugary sweet fake friendliness.

Flynn’s displeasure turns to Carrie. “Ugh. What is she handing out?”

I shrug. “Desperation?” I guess and it makes Flynn chuckle, which I take as a point for me. Humor has been one of those things not coming easy to me lately and I am glad to see I can still make Flynn laugh.

“Come see Dirty Candy tomorrow!” Carrie makes her way over to us. “Here you go!” she says, handing a flyer first to Flynn and then to me. “My group’s performing at the spirit rally tomorrow.” I am shocked she mentions her group at all. Everyone knows it’s a Carrie show, supported by her father’s money and connections. “I’m sure you guys have nothing better to do,” she adds.

Carrie and I used to be friends. Right now, I can barely remember why.

“Oh my gosh, Carrie! Thanks!” says Flynn sarcastically, clutching the flyer like it’s a lottery ticket before letting her features slip back into an unimpressed expression.

“Oh my gosh, Flynn! Don’t bother coming!” Carrie says back and turns away from us. She has more flyers to hand out still.

And as she walks away, my gaze lands on her boyfriend Nick, who is waiting nearby with his skateboard and his nose in his phone. He doesn’t notice me, but I can’t help but smile to myself. He is so cute.

“Nick?” Flynn doesn’t miss my dreamy look. “Still? You know they’re gonna get married and have a bunch of unholy babies.”

“Nick is a sweetheart,” I protest. Nick might be a popular lacrosse player who’s been dating Carrie for much too long, but he is kind and nice. Very unlike his girlfriend.

Flynn shakes her head. “You’d actually have to talk to him to know that. And only one of them has to be a demon to make a demon baby. Demon!” she shouts and we both giggle when Carrie turns to follow her voice.

Seeing me laugh makes Flynn smile with genuine joy. “There’s that smile. Now let’s go prove everybody wrong.”

jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp  jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp jatp  jatp jatp 

Music has always been my connection to other people. It connected me to Mom, to Flynn, even to Carrie at one point. Maybe it could have connected me to Nick, too, as he is playing his impressive solo of a classical piece on electric guitar but I’m too focused on what’s coming next.

Mrs. Harrison praises Nick when he finishes and the applause dies down. “Nice job, Nick. Almost as impressive as you game against Glandale,” she jokes and waits for him to sit before she turns to the rest of the class. To me. “We have one last performance. Julie?”

Reluctantly, I stand up. Music has been my life. Ever since I can remember, Mom and I would sit at the piano and play for hours. We used to write music together. When she was alive, I felt like some of her talent had to be in me, too, and she always encouraged me to keep playing. Then she died. And every time I touch an instrument – every time I so much as I try listening to a song – all I can think of is the pain of her being gone.

She’d want me to continue with the music program. I want to continue with the music program. Music is my dream… At least it has always been.

I approach the piano and sit down. Even though I’ve never needed to look at music sheets – I don’t forget music – I place them in front of me now. To buy myself time.

Everyone’s eyes are on me. Mrs. Harrison says, encouragingly: “Take your time.” She’d been saying that for a year now, but I know this is the last time she is going to. I’ve run out of my chances.

So I touch my fingers to the keys.

My insides twist, painfully.

I never play a note.

“I’m sorry,” I say, getting to my feet. Without looking at anyone, I grab my things.

Carrie says, in mock confusion: “Is this when we clap?”

I hear Flynn snap at her but I don’t stop to see whether Carrie looks chastised. I’m running out of the classroom, Flynn at my heels.

Tears are burning in my eyes.

I’ve failed. I’ve disappointed everyone. Mrs. Harrison, Flynn, Dad… Mom. Myself. And I gave ammunition to Carrie, too. Everyone probably thinks I’m being dramatic, but they don’t understand how much it hurts.

“Julie!”

Despite wanting to run as far away as I possibly can, Flynn’s voice forces me to stop and turn around.

She is standing on top of the stairs I’ve reached the bottom of and she looks on the edge of tears herself, her gorgeous face twisted with pain and anger. “Girl!” she shouts and accompanies it with an urgent gesture, pointing back towards the classroom. “You better get back up here and you show them you can sing.”

I shake my head. I want to, but I can’t. I’m done here. “I’ve tried,” I shout back. “I’ve tried for myself, I’ve tried for Mrs. Harrison, I’ve tried for you, I’ve tried for my Dad and I’ve tried for mom. For a whole year, I’ve been trying. I can’t do this anymore.” Tears threaten to roll down my face. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t. I’m done.”

I turn away again, to run, and this time I hear Flynn calling my name, but she doesn’t chase after me.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Smile for the Camera (Batdad!Reader Headcanon)

Requested by @yesthetrashbin for Batdad!Reader kidnapped by the Joker for an extended period of time and the fam’s reactions

Beware - the Joker lies ahead. Gosh, that fellow makes me nervous...

AAAH! So sorry, just startled by the sight of my first GIF ever! Thanks for that suggestion, anon!

It wasn’t your fault. You did everything right.

There were guards out the wazoo at that gala. Everyone was on lookout for the Joker

But no one expected a simple-looking, un-makeup-ed man with credentials naming him Joseph Kerr to sneak into the gala and set off a smoke bomb with green-tinged smoke

By the time Batman and the others evacuate, you are missing.

Bruce goes to Gordon immediately, suspecting the Joker.

The Batfamily looks for you, getting the League to help, but even Clark can’t see or hear your voice.

And then a day turns into a week, then a week and a half. And after 264 hours, Tim screams.

He’s been watching his news feed. In a breaking story where Vicki Vale warns the viewers that the video is graphic and disturbing, you are on screen, tied to a chair, semi-conscious

You look horrible. Joker seems to have been torturing you the entire time. Your face is almost unrecognizably cut up and bloody, and your non-dominant hand seems to have been crushed by Harley’s hammer.

“Hell-ooooooo, Gotham! It’s your favorite person here with Y/N Wayne, Gotham’s greatest benefactor. I tip my hat to you, sir!”

Joker does an inane little bow and pats your shoulder. You don’t react. Tim seethes with rage

“But we’re not here to shoot the breeze! Batsy, I know you’re watching. Meet me at midnight precisely, or Gotham City might not be so chummy with you anymore for letting this guy die! Be there, or be square!”

And the feed cuts to black as the Joker digs his hand into one of your wounds and you scream bloody murder.

Bruce

Nothing else matters but you right now.

The public “Bruce Wayne” hasn’t been seen in days, enough time for the tabloids to speculate that he’s been seen meeting with the Bat to try and get you back

Clark writes a piece about a fake but touching interview where Bruce Wayne claims he’s trying to keep the family positive and pleads for the return of his husband

He hasn’t shaved, has barely eaten, and is completely focused on finding you.

He sees the video and figures immediately where the Joker is, but he forces himself into cold calculations - he can’t mess this up, or the Joker will kill you.

He gets everyone he possibly can to help. Diana, Clark, Ollie, Dinah, and Barry all volunteer, with the others taking care of their respective cities while they assist.

When it finally comes time, Barry super-speeds, undoing the traps and binds set on you and getting you to a hospital. The others proceed to make short work of the Joker.

Bruce stays in the hospital with you at all times, constantly holding your good hand, snarling at anyone who dares to ask him to consider moving or leaving

He cries unashamedly when you wake up - he was so afraid of losing you.

He won’t be overprotective afterwards, because he knows that even the greatest level of preparation can’t prevent everything bad, but he does ask you to stay in the Manor for a while, until he feels better about being apart from you.

I said he won’t be overprotective - but

You definitely have multiple trackers on you from now on.

Alfred

He’s been running on pure adrenaline this whole time

His first instinct in a crisis is to tell you how to serve as his second pair of hands, but he turns and remembers you aren’t there

He’s been trying to keep to your routine - making sure Damian and Tim sleep reasonably, keeping the peace between Jason and Bruce, helping Dick cope with life in general

Alfred’s got every hospital in Gotham standing by

He even considers calling in some old favors from his RAF days to have the Joker taken out

You and Bruce are like sons to him

And he no longer has any need for sleep when you are in danger

Afterwards he’s back to business

Although he does give you a warm “It’s good to have you back, sir”

He’s very formal

Because he wants to avoid triggering you with an emotional display

Because Alfred knows that you are the rock of the family, but he’s your rock

And he’ll be damned if you can’t depend on him for that.

If you are ever kidnapped again, he will call in those favors, hang Bruce’s “One Rule.”

Dick

Freaking out. To the point where he is unable to function

Bruce has been in mortal danger before, but the idea of losing you is unthinkable

He’s too distracted to assist in the search, so Bruce benches him.

Instead he’s tasked to look after Jason and Damian

He’s so worried, but he makes sure Damian sleeps

Even once lets the boy sleep in his bed

He makes sure Jason isn’t going to do anything rash

And he is merciless in his cheering-up tactics, taking a page out of your playbook

He constantly reassures them that you will be alright

That you need them to be good while you’re away

And that they will need to be on their best behavior when you get back

He’s so happy when you are saved.

He’s first to the hospital, and like Bruce, he refuses to leave your side.

Develops a bit of separation anxiety. He goes with you everywhere for the next several weeks.

One of the multiple trackers on you is his.

Jason

Filled with rage and fear.

Self-loathing, too. What if you get turned into something else like he did? What if they have to use a Lazarus Pit

He considers it, and he would do it

Anything other than letting you die

Dick keeps a tight watch on him

He knows he has to be a good person even when you aren’t there

He punches and fights hard, definitely maims, but doesn’t kill

Bruce benches him for your rescue

And he doesn’t want to disappoint you, so Jason allows it

He knows that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself killing the Joker.

When you’re back, he won’t know how to act.

He settles for hugging you often and being sarcastic a little less.

He’s just glad you’re safe, and back where you should be.

Tim

Probably handles it the best.

He’s been trawling through the Batcomputer’s data trying to find someplace where the Joker might be able to conceal you long-term

But the Joker doesn’t follow patterns, so this leads nowhere.

Tim basically shuts down his emotional side, focusing instead on cold hard facts, because if he didn’t, he might break

Tim might only show it when running on empty, but he loves and appreciates you as a parent every bit as much as the others. 

There are some truly unhealthy mixes of energy drinks and coffee made during this period. Tim has developed several twitches by the time you are found.

He’s not at the hospital because he’s practically comatose for a week, recovering from what appears to be a caffeine overdose.

Assumes it’s a dream when you’re released from the hospital

Breaks down crying when he learns it’s not, and nearly re-breaks your just-healed ribs hugging you

Is traumatized by the event, and will not leave you alone at a gala for months after.

Damian

Handles it the absolute worst.

He is lost without you there. He throws a massive anger fit, the aftermath of which includes swords embedded in walls with no possibility of removal.

Like Jason, Damian is benched too. Dick is given the job of watching over him, and the two share a moment when Damian allows himself to cry.

He cannot be alone, so he goes with Dick everywhere

When you wished he would act his age, you didn’t think it would be like this

He hasn’t felt this angry at someone since Talia tried to kill you.

He spends the first few days staring at pictures of all the stuff you’ve done together since he came to the Manor

And the next few days he spends watching the news carefully for anything involving the search for you.

He tries to focus by helping Alfred do the necessary chores - laundry, getting food.

He spends a lot of time with his animals, who can sense his pain and try to comfort him.

Trust me, when you get better, you’re gonna need to find him a puppy or some kind of baby animal to make him feel better.

When you wake up in the hospital, he has gone to get water for Dick and Bruce.  He may forever curse the ill timing, since he missed seeing you wake up

Damian will deny this, but he slept in yours and Bruce’s bed for the first few nights after you were cleared from the hospital, just to be sure that you’re still there.

Two of the trackers on you are Damian’s.

[ohblackdiamond]

little t&a (paul/gene, nc-17) (part 21 of 29)

part 1   part 2   part 3   part 4   part 5   part 6   part 7   part 8   part 9   part 10   part 11   part 12   part 13   part 14   part 15   part 16   part 17   part 18   part 19   part 20   part 21  part 22   part 23   part 24    part 25   part 26   part 27   part 28   part 29  

Four weeks before KISS gets back on tour, Gene discovers that Paul’s been cursed by a groupie. For the sake of KISS’ finances, Paul’s comfort levels, and Gene’s libido, this crisis must be resolved. Sexswap fic. In this chapter:  Paul and Gene go on a date and discuss groupies. Gene muses.

            Paul ended up driving them to a Japanese restaurant about an hour later, even though they’d had Chinese takeout just a few days prior. Gene felt a bit underdressed in Paul’s tee and waistband-digging jeans, for all he was trying to avoid getting recognized. Then again, Paul was only in the other blouse he’d bought and the jeans from yesterday, so maybe it didn’t matter.

            But it felt like it did. It kept nagging at him. Paul hadn’t dressed up, but he had put on a little makeup. He’d even tried to do something with his hair. He knew exactly what this was. He knew Gene really was taking him out.

            Gene thought he’d be more nervous about the whole deal than he was. Paul was still getting the door for him, and part of Gene hated himself a bit for realizing he’d miss that, too. It wasn’t going to be as endearing once he was back to normal. None of Paul’s little quirks would be.

            Gene felt ashamed over it. He really did. Paul was the same person, with or without tits, but that didn’t mean Gene was going to stay interested once they were out of the equation. Paul had said he wouldn’t be. And that really hadn’t even been the only time. Paul had kept hinting at it long before. I bet you’d rather me stay a girl. It was a horrible thing to even own up to fantasizing about. Even if Paul had dealt with it fairly well, at least over the last few days. He’d taken to all the superficial trappings of being a chick pretty readily, the makeup and heels and so on, but that was probably because all that was stuff he already did as a man. Beyond that, he wasn’t really playing at being a girl very well. Wasn’t trying to.

            Could he really feel the same way about Paul once they took care of the curse? Once Paul felt ready to give it up? And it’d have to be soon; even not counting the tour, eventually, Paul’s parents or Bill Aucoin or someone would call in a missing person report. Would he still want Paul then?

            Gene wasn’t sure. He’d lay a woman whether she was pretty or not, but he’d never fucked a guy, and never been interested in the prospect. But it kept nagging at him anyway. Trying to picture Paul back to normal was almost hard, when he was sitting there in front of him. Looking cute as hell with his hair fluffed like cotton candy and another low-cut blouse on. Looking happy. Normally, Gene would get a little disappointed, hanging around once the clothes were off a chick, even one he was dating. He never could help feeling like something had been—oh, not spoiled, exactly, but—like something had been… lived-in, maybe. Like a month into owning a car, when the clean smell of the dealership was gone. No longer new, and disappointingly his.

            But watching Paul chatting amiably about nothing—no, not nothing, he was talking about maybe trying to visit Japan off-tour, sometime, get some real sightseeing in, instead of hasty bus rides—just brought back to mind the image of a couple hours ago. Those pretty lips wrapped around his cock, or, almost better yet, parted in a plaintive cry. Fuck, Paul could scream, and it was somehow almost appealing, how he kept trying not to do it but ended up moaning all the louder.

            Gene didn’t feel like he’d lost interest once he’d gotten Paul naked. It had just given him more to explore. Not just those sensitive breasts or the taste of his juices, either. Not everything was carnal. He hadn’t realized the guy had any freckles, for one, although maybe some of them had just been buried in the carpet of his chest hair prior. Maybe he’d just never had a reason to look.

            Gene’s stomach growled, and he decided he needed to quit while he was ahead. Paul was starting to look at him funny, and nudging him under the table with his foot. They ordered platters of teriyaki chicken, fried rice, and sushi rolls, Gene carefully checking the ingredient list and grilling the waitress about the fish used while Paul, predictably, ignored kosher and got exactly what he wanted.

            “Maybe that’s why you got cursed,” Gene teased, once Paul started eating his California rolls. Paul made a face.

            “Very funny.” He took a long gulp of his water. The guy had to have been starving after throwing up last night. “She was just… I don’t know if I can explain it.”

            Paul hadn’t tried to explain it, either. Not that Gene had pressed, back in the limo last night, when Paul had looked pale and shaken-up about the whole deal. But he’d been curious. Paul and Carol had been down in the basement nearly past the twenty minutes he’d allotted. Long enough for Paul to find out exactly why she’d done that to him.

            “Go ahead.”

            Paul hesitated.

            “It’s… Gene, do you ever think about the groupies? I mean, really think about them.”

            “No.”

            “I didn’t, either.” Paul seemed to try to laugh, and then he wiped at his mouth. “I… I remember getting kind of dopey over some chick when we were still playing ballrooms. Then I found out she’d let half the New York Dolls screw her.”

            “I don’t know why that stopped you.”

            “Because that meant it wasn’t… that meant I didn’t matter to her, if she’d just let me the same way she’d let them. It was too… shit, I can’t be talking like this out in public.”

            “Why not?”

            Paul stared at him for a long moment before shaking his head.

            “Because people can hear me.”

            “Barely anyone’s here, Paul.”

            Paul took another few bits of rice, using his chopsticks. He still wasn’t good with them, but he liked to pretend. World traveler Paul. Meanwhile, Gene was diving into his own rice with a fork, getting easily triple as much per bite. Far more efficient.

            “Yeah, but we’re not in the Village or any of that shit.”

            “Are you that afraid of getting looked at dirty? You know that’s all anyone would do.”

             “I’ll tell you in the car,” he said, and reached for another piece of sushi.

--

            Paul made good on his promise. Once lunch was done (the owner had actually dropped by their table and given them small bowls of ice cream on the house, which Paul seemed very chipper about) and he was out of the restaurant parking lot, he started in again. Offhand and abrupt, one hand worryingly on the radio dial. He seemed to be trying to find a traffic report.

            “I guess I thought the girls got off on it.”

            “No shit, Paul.”

            “No, listen. I thought they all did that with every rockstar that came to town.” Paul finally stopped fooling with the dial, turning up the volume. Gene half-wondered why, when Paul didn’t even live in New York proper anymore, and probably wasn’t going to hit boatloads of traffic on the way back. “I thought… I hoped they understood how it was.”

            “They all know they’re never gonna see you again.” Gene shifted uncomfortably. “You have fun one night, and that’s it. They take a good memory back.”

            “Carol didn’t.”

            Gene didn’t answer for awhile. The silence wafted up like summer haze above the pavement. When Paul didn’t elaborate, Gene spoke again.

            “Why did she do that to you? Just because she didn’t have a good time with you?”

            “No. That’s not it. She just… shit, Gene.” Paul let out a long breath. “She wanted something I couldn’t give her.”

            “She wanted to date you? Paul, that’s really not your fault, if she didn’t understand—”

            “Well, I didn’t deserve to get cursed over it, but… fuck, I don’t know.” Paul’s eyes were dark. Not unreadable, just pensive. “We go out there and we say all that bullshit. We love the fans. We love the girls. We… we do the teenybopper mags. It… Bill’s so smart, y’know, you got the girls that want you and the ones that want me and Peter and Ace and so on, right on down to a type—”

            “Paul, I don’t think I’m following you.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Are you saying you wanna be honest with the girls? You want to put in print that they don’t matter to you?” Gene shook his head. “It’s showbiz, Paul. You can’t be everything to everybody. The girls ought to know better. It’s not on you if any of them really think they’ve got a chance.”

            “We’ve let them think they do.” Paul was starting to look a little nerved-out by his own words. “They’re not getting that idea out of thin air, Gene. We… we’ve got a little bit of responsibility here.”

            “I’m allergic to that word in that context.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Yeah. It makes me think of paternity lawsuits.”

            He’d expected Paul to laugh, but he didn’t. Just kept driving in silence, switching the station again once they started playing music. It seemed like he was going into the traffic, rather than away from it. Maybe he’d wanted to stop somewhere before heading back home.

            “They’ve got feelings, though, don’t they?” God, Paul was still at it. “I didn’t ever mean to hurt them, but I did. I didn’t really start to understand until…”

            The ice cream felt suddenly like a brick of milk in Gene’s stomach.

            “Until what?”

            “Until you said we could take a picture for your album.”

            “Paul, that was a shitty joke, I didn’t mean—”

            “I know. I know.” Paul sighed, and beeped the horn at the taxi in front of him. Gene saw the cabbie roll down the window and stick his hand out, flipping him off. Paul returned the favor, but kept on talking as he did it. “I figured if… if I didn’t wanna be treated like that, like something to… to collect, then maybe some of them didn’t, either.”

            Gene couldn’t think of anything to say. That was rare enough to be worrisome. His girls were different from Paul’s, anyway. He didn’t have that sappy, sensitive lover image that Paul did, that’d make for clingy mental cases. His girls just wanted kinky sex, topped off with his tongue between their legs. But he couldn’t shrug off the feeling that Paul was onto something. Something a little bit terrible.

            He’d been on the road long enough to get a sense of demographics. The girls in the Midwest and places like Utah, in their way, were a real treat, eager to do anything to please. Gene hadn’t ever even had a threesome, but he’d fucked around a bit with BDSM, that kind of thing. He’d noticed the cornfed, good-girl, hometown types, they were the most likely to be up to indulging something weird.

            He’d thought it was just because they were repressed. Wanted to let loose before they ended up fat and married with five kids. It had never hit them that it might be because they were just naïve enough to buy into what KISS was trying to sell.

            “Maybe.”

            He felt Paul’s eyes back on him briefly, and then they were back on the road. Gene’s sense of direction wasn’t the greatest, but he knew for sure now that the route Paul was taking went nowhere near his house. He cleared his throat, putting his hand on Paul’s thigh.

            “Paul, you’re not… I don’t want to just take your picture. You mean more to me than that.”

            It was a couple of seconds before Paul nodded, resting his hand on top of Gene’s, lacing their fingers together.

            “Thanks, Gene.”

            “Don’t thank me. It’s true.” And then, because that still didn’t seem sufficient, because worry was starting to sink into Paul’s forehead, he leaned over on impulse, kissing him on the cheek, lips mostly brushing Paul’s hair instead. Paul’s one-handed grip on the steering wheel only faltered briefly, pink rising in his face. “Where are we going?”

            “You don’t know?” Paul started to smile. “C’mon, Gene. You took me out. I gotta return the favor somehow.”

            “It’s New York, you could be taking us anywhere.”

            “We’re heading to Central Park.” Paul patted Gene’s hand, and then shifted it to dig around in the middle console. “Real romantic, I know. Feed some geese, get out there in a rowboat… c’mon and check for me, Gene, I think I’ve got just enough change for the parking meter, even…”

            “What about the carousel?”

            “Sure, if you want—”

            “Great.” Gene’s hand was inching gradually up Paul’s thigh. “I think it’d be a fun ride.”

            Paul smacked his hand away.

[jade4813]

Timeless

Title: Timeless

Rating: PG

Synopsis: Once again, Barry and Iris must make the decision to sacrifice everything they hold dear to save the world - and in the aftermath of Crisis on Infinite Earths, they remember everything that they have lost. My gift to @sunshinehappier on Twitter for her contribution to the 2019 Westallen Sock Drive!

Chapters: 1/1

Five months Post-Crisis

Iris. Remember Iris.

He was in the heart of the speed force, further than any speedster had ever traveled before. Where time itself lost meaning. Occasionally, figures appeared in flickering scenes around him, but they had no significance to him. A man with dark, shoulder-length hair a lopsided smile. An older man with short-cut hair and glasses, sitting in a wheelchair. A redheaded woman standing next to a man with blonde hair. A woman with long, wavy brown hair and a syringe in her hand. A blonde in glasses, then one without, then with again. A tall man with short blonde hair and a scowl.

The faces meant nothing to him. Were they supposed to?

Iris. Remember Iris. Remember Iris.

He repeated the words to himself like a mantra. When he felt the last of his memories slip away, he closed his eyes and whispered them to himself. A prayer that, after all the things the speed force had taken from him, it would leave him this.

Remember Iris…remember…remember her. Remember…who?

Her name slipped away from him, like water between his fingers, and he slowed imperceptibly. He could no longer recall why he’d been running so long. He no longer remembered why he’d had to.

His muscles seized, every muscle in his body begging him to stop running. The pain would stop if he did, he knew. He would find peace here, in the heart of the speed force. But, still, he fought desperately to keep going, knowing that all would be lost if he stopped. Not having the first idea of what that would be.

In the end, his body couldn’t take anymore. More tired than he’d ever been, Barry fell to his knees with a tortured sob. He’d forgotten something. Something important. Something he’d sworn never to forget. He pressed his palms against his eyes and sucked in a shaky breath, trying to remember.

There was someone he loved, more than anything in the world. More than life itself. And he’d lost her, bit by bit, until the speed force had even taken her name from him. Who was she? Why did she mean so much to him? And how could he feel the ache of her loss when he couldn’t even remember her name? Could barely even remember his own?

“Bring her back to me,” he begged the speed force swirling around him. “Please. Bring her back to me.”

“Come back to me, Barry,” a voice whispered as his mind tried to cling to whatever memories of his life that remained. “Promise me that, whatever happens, you won’t stop running until you come home to me. Promise!”

Faces continued to flicker around him, but none of them had any meaning. A man with short, dark hair kissing a brunette in a wedding dress. A man wearing sunglasses, with some sort of light emanating from his palm. A blonde woman with tears running down her cheeks as she reached for him. An older man with sadness behind his smile as he pressed his palm against a pane of glass standing between them.

The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, wrapping her hand around his neck and pulling his head down onto her shoulder. He didn’t remember who she was, but the sight of her face caused something to ache inside his chest. When her image disappeared again, he could swear he felt his heart break all over again.

“Bring her back to me. Please. Please! Let me see her again,” he begged the speed force as more and more images flickered around him. “The pretty woman from before. Please… I’ll do anything. Just show her to me again.”

And then she was before him, so beautiful it hurt. Though her eyes shone with tears, she looked determined as she reached her hand. “Come home to me, Barry.”

He didn’t know who she was. Didn’t know what was a dream, what was the speed force itself, and what was real. But maybe it didn’t even matter anymore. If this was a dream, then perhaps this fantasy would bring him a measure of peace, in this place outside of reality.

Tilting his head to the side, he considered the figure in front of him. He didn’t remember her, but something in his heart longed for her anyway. Somewhere deep inside, he knew he would follow her anywhere. “I…I think I dreamt of you,” he murmured, reached out his hand toward her.

Four months post-Crisis

She dreamt of the day Barry had left her to go into the speed force. In her dreams, Barry begged her to ask him to stay. He would, she knew it. All she had to do was ask. Stay with me. Three little words, and he wouldn’t sacrifice himself for the good of the world. Three little words, and they would find another way.

But in her dreams, as in reality, she didn’t speak those words. The caught in her throat, choking her with the force of her need. She’d thought she was being so brave, letting him go. Again. Losing him, as she had so many times before. In her dreams she wondered, as she hadn’t dared consider that day…had he known how much it hurt her to let him go? Or did part of him think she didn’t ask him to stay because she didn’t care? She loved him, and in the light of day, she knew he knew how much. But in the lonely solitude of her dreams, her fears mocked her. Making her wonder if, deep down, he’d gone to his death thinking perhaps she didn’t.

Had she even told him she loved him, before he left? Had she even spoken the words?

When she awoke, her face was wet with tears, and she curled her legs against her chest and rocked back and forth. Seeking the comfort he could no longer provide. “Barry, come back to me,” she whispered into the dark. As she had so many times, so many years before. Sitting by his hospital bed, holding his limp hand in her own. “Come back to me.”

And like back then, her plea received no response. She was alone.

~~~

“Don’t take her from me. Please,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and tried to picture her face in his mind. But try as he might, he couldn’t quite remember the curve of her cheek or the exact color of her eyes. Then, a moment or an eternity later, he couldn’t picture her face at all.

He had lost her.

No. He wouldn’t allow it. He had given up so much already in his self-appointed quest to save the world. His love for Iris was the one thing he had resolved never to sacrifice. Not for this world. Not even for all of them.

As long as I’ll remember Iris, I’ll be all right, he promised himself. Remember Iris. Remember Iris.

Three months post-Crisis

“Again,” she yelled, coming to a stop on the treadmill. She bent over grabbed the stitch in her side as she sucked in a few deep breaths, trying to ready herself for another attempt. Without his powers as Vibe, Cisco had been working on some technology that would help Iris access the speed force, but she had to run as fast as she could to attempt the breach. Thus far, however, their efforts had met nothing but failure. She was physically and emotionally exhausted, but she refused to stop trying.

“Iris, you’ve been at this for hours,” Caitlin offered gently. “You need to take a break. Maybe try to get some sleep.”

She gave her head a sharp shake. “I’ll rest when Barry’s back,” she replied firmly. Then, softening her tone at Ralph’s look of surprise, she tried to explain, “I just…when I think about what he might be going through in there…how can I sleep until I know he’s okay?” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I know everyone’s tired, but can we try it again? Just one more time. And then I’ll rest, I promise.”

Not that it would do any good. When she tried to sleep, she remembered what it felt like to lie next to Barry. The steady rise and fall of his chest. The weight of his arm around her shoulders. The warmth of his kiss. Every time the memory came flooding back, she felt like it tore another piece out of her heart. She didn’t know how much more she could take. She focused on the strength of her resolve to drown out the ache in her muscles as she started to run again.

She had to get him back. She had to.

~~~

Remember her. Remember Iris.

She was slowly slipping away from him. He could feel it. Each moment in this place stretched like an eternity, and it felt like the harder he tried to hold on to her memory, he faster it slipped away.

The speed force shifted around him, taking shape. When it stepped forward, it wore a face he knew had once had meaning for him, but he could no longer remember why. “You’re starting to forget, Barry. You have to hold onto her. It’s your only hope. Remember her. Remember Iris,” it whispered, watching him sadly as he raced away, further and further into the speed force’s depths.

He closed his eyes and summoned her face. The light in her eyes when she laughed. The warmth of her hand against his cheek.

Remember Iris, and you’ll be all right. Remember her. Remember Iris.

Try as he might, he could no longer recall the day they met.

Two months post-Crisis

She sat at the desk, typing furiously away at her computer. She had been in the same position for hours, hardly noticing the passage of time as day faded into night.

“Cisco, do you have any other notes about, um…what about the time Barry went into the speed force looking for the meta human cure? Can you bring them to me?”

His face was sad and resigned as he looked over at her. “Iris, don’t you think you should take a break? You’re exhausted. You can’t help Barry if you can’t keep your eyes open.”

Her mouth twisted. “I’ll be fine,” she said firmly. Her voice softening slightly, she added, “Thank you. I appreciate your concern, Cisco. Really. But I have to do this. If we compile everything we know about the speed force, maybe…maybe we can find something…anything. Anything that can help Barry.”

Her gaze implored him to understand, and he nodded. She didn’t understand the scientific intricacies of the speed force, but she knew how to do this. How to conduct research, to pull facts together. To create a full picture from scraps of information.

As he turned to his computer to find the notes she requested, she let her eyes stray to the place she had stood by Barry’s side as they announced their engagement. She had been so happy that day. It had seemed that nothing could ever diminish their happiness.

They didn’t know then how rare those moments of unsullied joy would be, when they could bask in their love for each other without the rest of the world intervening. Without having to bear the many losses that would diminish their happiness.

~~~

Barry was growing tired, but he forced himself to run even harder. He couldn’t give in to weariness. The anti-matter bomb followed close behind him, and he had to make sure he took it to the heart of the speed force, where the shifting nexus of potential realities would hold it forever in stasis. He ached to stop running, but the thought of Iris kept him going.

Images appeared in the speed force as he raced by. Joe, laughing as he picked up his newborn daughter. Cisco, smirking as one of his inventions proved to be a success. Caitlin, her eyes going frosty blue as she transformed into Killer Frost.

But most of all, Iris. Iris, jumping up and down excitedly when her first article made the front page. Iris, a little crinkle forming in her brow as she stared at her computer in concentration. Iris, her eyes filled with love as she rolled over in bed and curled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder with a sleepy sigh.

But he had forgotten the exact sound of her voice. And though he tried, he couldn’t remember the sound of her laughter.

One month post-Crisis

Iris sat up on the couch and rubbed her eyes. She was so tired, her weariness sinking into her very bones. And yet she found herself unable to sleep. She couldn’t even lie in the bed she’d once shared with Barry. But that was no surprise. She’d been unable to do so the last time he’d disappeared into the speed force, with no expectation he would ever return. Why should this time be any different?

Her gaze traveled to the television, which she had taken to running on low volume twenty-four hours a day. Unable to bear the silence that fell around through the apartment in Barry’s absence, stifling her ability to breathe. The reporter’s tone was grave as she stood next to a wallpapered with homemade missing persons signs and said into the camera, “Today marks one month since Central City’s own superhero, the Flash, disappeared in the battle that shook the city. But hundreds of others are still missing, their loved ones posting their names and pictures across buildings downtown, desperate for any news…”

The world publicly mourned for the Flash, but Iris’s grief for her lost husband was private. Barry Allen’s name was listed among the missing, but unlike the families of the others who had been lost in the battle, Iris didn’t even have false hope to hold on to, that he might still be found injured but alive. That perhaps he was trapped on another world in the multiverse but might one day find his way home. That he might one day return to her.

Though she tried to rally against it, in her heart, she remembered the warning that had been carried to her from the future. Team Flash often tried to defy fate, but this one time, fate might win. Barry might be lost to her forever.

Biting back a cry of despair, she reached for the remote, desperate to change the channel. As she reached across the coffee table, her arm brushed against a picture frame, sending it toppling to the floor. It seemed almost more than she could bear to bend down and retrieve it, but she knew what she would see, even before she turned it over.

It was a photo she’d taken with Barry on their wedding day, before doppelgängers from another dimension had invaded and attempted to kill them all. Prior to the ceremony, Barry and Iris had stolen a few moments together. The photographer had captured the moment that the two of them had caught sight of each other for the first time.

The picture reminded her of the love he’d had on his face that day, when he caught sight of her in her white wedding dress. The memory speared through her chest, straight into her heart. But she didn’t need a picture to remember the love in Barry’s eyes when he looked at her. He’d looked at her like that for almost their entire lives.

Oh, what she’d give to see that look in his eyes once more.

~~~

Remember Iris. Remember her.

Inside the speed force, Barry closed his eyes and remembered the time he’d raced past the coffee house, just in time to see Iris laugh at something someone had said. She had the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. He held the memory of that smile in his heart, knowing that, as long as he remembered Iris, he would find his way out of the heart of the speed force. She was his lightning rod, and the love they shared would always find a way to bring him home.

He could no longer remember the smell of her perfume.

“I-I have to do this,” Barry said firmly, staring at the devastation around them. “I have to go.”

“Barry, it’s a suicide mission!” Ralph protested.

Cisco nodded. “You were the one who told us about the dangers of going that far into the speed force!”

Barry nodded. He knew the risks. Taking the anti-matter bomb into the heart of the speed force might be the only way to save the multiverse, but no speedster had ever gone that far in before. There was no guarantee that he would ever find his way out. Or that his mind would remain intact if he did. Time worked differently within the speed force. What would be a month for Iris and the rest of the world might feel like a thousand years for him. There was a good chance he’d go mad long before he found his way back.

But it was a chance he had to take – perhaps the only chance any of them had to save the multiverse. And so he explained desperately, “I know, but I’m the only one who can do this. You know it, too.” There had already been casualties in this battle to save endless worlds, with heroes either fallen or trapped in other universes. Without Vibe’s powers, it was unclear when – or if – they would ever be able to return.

When Iris stepped forward, the rest of the group exchanged glances and stepped away, letting the two of them have a moment alone. But the two of them didn’t even notice. Their eyes were solely on each other as she reached up and cupped her hands around the back of his neck. Tears were streaming down her face as she pressed her forehead against his own. Without saying a word, he increased his speed, bringing her into Flashtime with him. It was perhaps foolish of him to waste his energy like this, but if this was the last moment they would ever share, he wanted to make it last as long as he could.

If only he could make it last forever.

“You told me once that you were scared that if I told you to stay, you wouldn’t be able to do what you needed to do,” she whispered.

Feeling his heart rending in two, he held her tightly to him. “I remember.” And he’d meant it. Even through his resolve, he knew that if she begged him to stay right now, he wouldn’t be able to find the strength to leave her. “But, Iris, it’s the only way to save the multiverse. The only way to save you.” Lifting one hand to her cheek, her brushed her tears away with his thumb.

“I just…I can’t keep losing you like this. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together.” He could hear the pain in her voice, echoing the ache in his own heart, and for a moment, he was tempted to stay. It was only the thought of all that would be lost that helped him retain his resolve. He could lose everything else in the world, but losing her would break him. He would sacrifice anything – including his life – if it would keep Iris safe.

Sucking in a shaky breath, she clutched him desperately as she blurted, “Let me go in instead. Let me do this. I-I know I’m not a speedster, but I’ve been in the speed force before. Maybe I could do it. Let me try, please! Then you-you could come in and save me. Y-you could bring me back. I know you could.” He didn’t even have to say anything; he could see that she recognized the hopelessness of her request even as she spoke the words. “Please, Barry,” she whispered. “You’ve seen the newspaper. If you go in there…I could lose you forever. I can’t go through that again.

Pulling her hard against him, Barry cupped his hand around her neck and drew her to him for a kiss. Full of desperation and hope, he poured everything he felt for Iris into this kiss – quite possibly the last kiss they would ever share. Closing his eyes, he tried to etch this moment indelibly into his memory – the sound of her voice, the taste of her kiss, the press of her lips against his.

“I wish there was another way, but there isn’t. I have to do this, Iris. There’s no other choice.” he told her in an urgent tone as he released her and stepped away, slowing time to let it pass as it would. Each passing second stealing away the future they had dreamt of sharing. Every part of him longed to hold onto her forever, and so he knew he had to let her go in order to find the strength to do what needed to be done. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. And I always will.”

She shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks. “Don’t say it like that. That sounds like a goodbye. Just…come back to me, Barry. Promise me that whatever happens, you won’t stop running until you come home to me. Promise!”

“I promise, Iris.”

Every part of him wanted to stay there with her, and so he had to remind himself of what was at stake in order to pull himself away. If he didn’t go, he would lose her anyway. Their entire world would be gone. As he turned, however, he heard the defeat and despair in her voice as she whispered, “I’ve always loved you, too. And I always will.”

Her words almost shattered his resolve, and he shook with the need to turn around. To pull her into his arms and hold her until she stopped crying. Focusing on the anti-matter bomb and all it could do, all that it could erase from existence, he forced himself to race forward, knowing the bomb would be drawn to the energy of endless possible worlds that he carried with him through his connection to the speed force and follow him inside.

Pushing himself faster than he’d ever run before, he closed his eyes and thought about the woman he loved. She was the love of his life. His lightning rod. As long as he remembered her, he could get through this. As long as he remembered her, everything would be all right.

Remember Iris, he told himself as he pushed himself harder than he ever had before, running deeper and deeper into the speed force. He just had to remember her. Her face, her touch. The smell of her shampoo and the sound of her laugh. Above all, his love for her. As long as he remembered her, everything would be all right.

Iris. Remember Iris. Remember her…

[cyclone-rachel]

#NotAWalkingZombie

a DC Superhero Girls (2019) fanfic

read on AO3 here

Kara was prepared to do what was necessary.

For years, she’d suffered through her bad reputation, lived down to it in a lot of ways (mostly because that was what was expected of her, even though, deep down, a part of her yearned to live up to the legacy of the House of El. The legacy that, unlike her cousin, she’d actually learned at a young age, had drilled into her by her parents- and even her grandfather, who’d lived without it for many years and had to fight for.)

Kara figured fighting for her family’s name was just as important as actually having it in the first place, and as much as she resented Kal-El for getting to Earth first, she also resented him for having it too easy. He’d grown up on Earth, was functionally human, didn’t know firsthand what it felt like to see- for example- her mother fighting General Zod, not being sure if she was going to live through it, just barely escaping and knowing that one day, she’d have to represent her mother in a rematch against Zod and his lieutenants.

And she, unlike Clark, was able to succeed- but not alone, taking El Mayarah to its logical conclusion. Whatever happened, after that, she knew she could face and come back from it alive, as long as she had her friends by her side.

But that incident, a few months later, led to her considering what it had been like before she had her friends. When she was still in Smallville, having not yet moved with her family to Metropolis, and there were several mysterious accidents that fell on her shoulders.

Because surely, nobody else had her enormous strength, nobody else was at the scene of the crime after each was committed. Nobody else could possibly be at blame. Sure, Kara Danvers- Kara Zor-El- was special, but at what cost? When it meant being expelled from school, being known as a troublemaker at best and a destroyer at worst, was it really worth it?

She guessed so, as she found herself next at Metropolis High, in her cousin’s city. There, she’d found friends, a second family with whom came a sense of balance in her life. Not peace, necessarily, but these people- Barbara, Karen, Diana, Zee, and Jessica- were also gifted, also knew what it meant to live with two identities, navigating life among normal people and battles with supervillains. No longer was she alone, and no longer did she only have to talk with her parents (or not talk at all) about what she was dealing with. For a while, at least, everything was good, and she was able to build up her reputation as a hero- both alone, and with the rest of her team.

Now, she wasn’t just “Superman’s cousin”, or “Girl Superman”, or “Superman in a skirt”, or even “Super-bitch”, as she’d found herself referred to by graffiti once. She was Supergirl, for better or for worse, and she intended to keep it that way, making her name mean something, associated with goodness, and safety, and light.

The last thing she needed was for someone to drag it into darkness, as Kara Danvers’s name once had been, but just her luck, it happened anyway, in the form of a dark Supergirl wannabe who’d first attacked her school, then a myriad of locations all around the world, before going back to Metropolis.

Fitting, really, that the place Kara had once gone to find a new start in her life was also the place of Bizarro’s final stand. Bizarro had the upper hand against her, at first, and why wouldn’t she have? She, as far as Kara first knew, didn’t have anything to prove. She only had to fight against the person she thought was destroying her reputation, and at the beginning she seemed stronger. It was easy for her to turn the tide against Supergirl, and to overpower her.

Which, incidentally, made Kara herself angry enough to fight back. As she faced Bizarro, she thought about anyone who’d ever called her names, or told her she was a bad person, or tried to fight her when she hadn’t done anything to them. She thought about Superman, and how disappointed he would be if she didn’t take down her own Bizarro, when he’d done so (probably) effortlessly. Then, when that wasn’t as motivating, she thought about her mother, facing down her own death once upon a time, and how proud of her she would’ve been if she was there to see her.

(of course, if she didn’t get out of this, she would join her mother, and her father, in Rao’s light. But she also had parents and a sister on Earth who she wanted to see after this, and that was another push of motivation as she felt her eyes burning from the pressure released by the super-flare, the sheer heat from such a blast making her feel like the rest of her had been set on fire too.)

But, as well as her parents and Superman, she thought about her friends. Babs, who was there watching the fight, ready to step in if anything went wrong, and the rest, who were probably busy at the moment but who would probably meet herself and Batgirl at Sweet Justice after they saw the fight on the news. She remembered how hard they had fought against Zod, even if at first it had been for nothing, and how they’d worked together against every other villain they had faced up until that point.

She wasn’t going to make that pointless, and definitely wasn’t going to leave her team without a Supergirl, especially when they probably had much more time left. She was going to beat Bizarro for them, and everyone she cared about, and that was well worth being powerless for a few days.

So when she could see again (a little bit, at least), and the smoke cleared, she saw Bizarro there, looking as defeated as she’d felt before now. Kara could barely move for a moment, but as the feeling came back to her body, as she fought through the pain that coursed through her, she was able to sit up and see Babs (always reliable- good to have by her side in any crisis) tying Bizarro up, making sure she wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else.

Yet, even the Bizarro version of herself had feelings, and as she confessed tearfully, she had a mirrored version of Kara and Clark’s dynamic with Bizarro-Superman- as opposite as they were, as much as Bizarro-Supergirl had destroyed, there was no way Kara wouldn’t comfort her then.

Compassion for all- even evil doppelgangers who just wanted their own reputations to be as good as those of their evil cousin’s doppelganger.

So, with Kara’s powers gone (though, luckily, her super-appetite not) she and Bizarro-Kara soon found a commonality eating sundaes together at Sweet Justice, after the rest of the team pitched in to clean up the city. It didn’t make up for what had happened, or what Kara had to do to bring Bizarro-Kara down, but right then, Kara didn’t care, because she was finally going to get to relax.

And, after such a big event, her parents knew who else would cheer her up, were she to see them.

~

“Kara?” Jessica asked, as she looked through the window. “Someone is here- should I let her in?”

“Who’s “her”?” Kara asked, lying on the couch.

“You do have X-ray vision, Kara. You could see for yourself.” Karen said.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to move right now. Why don’t you just tell me?”

“I’ve never seen her before.” Zee said. “But she has red hair, kind of in your haircut- kind of your aesthetic, come to think of it.”

Kara smiled, then, not needing X-ray vision to know exactly who was there to see her.

“Let her in.”

“Hi.” Alex said, greeting the superheroines who’d gathered there, surrounding her. “Alex Danvers, med student- but that’s not important right now. I’m here to see my sister, if you don’t mind.”

“OMG, Kara. You have a sister?” Babs asked, ready to ask her roughly a million questions.

“You never asked about her.” Kara answered, with a nonchalant wave of her hand. “Alex, you can come in. These are my friends.”

“And I didn’t know you had any friends.” Alex said, trying to move towards Kara, with the others blocking her and staring at her with great interest. “Not after what happened at-“

“We don’t need to mention that anymore.” Kara interrupted, knowing she’d have to tell her about what had really happened that day, as well as what had most recently happened to her. “The point is, now I have friends, and they’re great.”

“I can see that, by how they’re hovering over you. So, you said you lost your powers?”

“Yeah- super-flare. Clark says he’s done it a few times, but when I asked how he got his back, he told me to figure it out for myself. I think he’s testing me somehow.”

Alex smiled, sitting down by Kara’s side and squeezing her hand gently.

“Well, I think I have a way we can get them back just a little faster.”

“Really? I’d love to hear it.”

[hokagee]

Prompt: AU 

Rating: T

The cheers from outside echoed through the empty locker room, the metallic red of the lockers faintly illuminated by the dim light of the single overhang bulb.

Alone on a bench, Naruto sat with hunched shoulders and bandaged hands limp between his knees.

“Well aren’t you the picture of positivity.”

Naruto doesn’t even look up to acknowledge his coach. With a sigh he asks, “Is the match done?”

Kakashi comes over and sits on the bench across from him, propping his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his folded hands, watching him closely.

“It’s not,” he answers steadily. “There seems to be a major disagreement over a violation call.”

Naruto can’t help but roll his eyes. ‘Killer Bee’ always disagreed with the ref whenever he was called out, and the fact that he refused to speak without a rhythm only lengthened the already annoying ordeal.

“Are you still upset from last week’s match?” Kakashi asks plainly.

Naruto scoffs and toes the tiled ground with his orange sneaker.

“Hardly,” he replies in a low voice. “If anything, it’d be good if I was, because that’d meant I still cared about this shit.”

Kakashi raises a silver brow. “I thought boxing was your greatest passion?”

The resentment in him simmers back to the defeat he was feeling earlier.

“Is it?” he asks more to himself than Kakashi. “I dropped out of high school when I was 16. No parents, a best friend as if, if not more, fucked up than me, a girl I’ve loved since I was 12 that was in love with said psycho friend...Boxing started out as an escape from all that bullshit. But now? It’s become the bullshit.”

“Because you lost a match?” Kakashi questions patiently.

“Because there’s no point!” Naruto explodes, jumping up to his feet. He’s so angry it’s like he can feel steam firing out of his pores. “What can I say is the purpose of my life? Punch someone and be punched back? I’m tired, Kakashi! In the beginning, I could genuinely say I felt a true fulfillment as I got better and better, but what am I getting better for?”

“So your issue is not with fighting,” Kakashi comments lazily as he absentmindedly scratches his chin. “But not having something….or perhaps someone to fight for.”

Hmm. Now that Naruto thought about it, that was exactly his problem.  Even Sasuke, that emo bastard, had found happiness with Sakura and was on his way to becoming a successful lawyer, while Naruto was still stuck at square one. Square zero if he was being honest with himself.

“Yeah,” Naruto grumbles, kinda annoyed that Kakashi was always one step ahead of him, in and out of the rink. “I guess.”

“What about your guardian angel?” Kakashi asks with a slight smirk.

Naruto doesn’t even dignify that with an answer. For months everyone has been teasing him over his mysterious “guardian angel”. Apparently, some pretty girl came to his every match and cheered him on, but every time he scanned the crowd, no girl really stuck out, and according to Kakashi she always snuck out right when his match ended.

He didn’t particularly care who she was since he wasn’t even sure if she existed, but he did hope she wasn’t one of the women who would sometimes throw their panties at him.

Shuddering, he’s pulled out of his thoughts when Kakashi stands up.

Giving him a cheezy smile and a thumbs up, Kakashi sends him off.

“Good luck. And try not to have an existential crisis out there.”

Why would he think about extra...teresticles? Whatever was the fancy word for aliens. Man, was he in a dark hole, surrounded by idiots.

Naruto barely dodges to the side as Juugo’s fist flies through where his head just was.

Pushing through the exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm him, he takes advantage of Juugo’s outstretched arm baring his side and throws a punch with all his power to his ribs.

Juugo is able to block him, but Naruto still gets in a good graze. Watching the much larger man stumble back in pain momentarily thrills him, but all too soon he’s moving, dodging and jumping from Juugo’s merciless attacks.

The light’s are too bright. The cheers are too loud. The sweat that clings to his skin disgusts him. Blood from a cut on his forehead keeps pooling by his eye and he can’t wipe it away. He knows he’s breathing because he’s moving around, but his chest feels as if its shut in a vacuum.

As he stares into Juugo’s amber eyes, he wonders if that bloodlust in his opponent's eyes is always present, or if it only comes out when he was fighting. If only he could bring himself to feel such strong emotions during matches. Anything would be better than this hollow emptiness.

As his shoulder is brutally hit with Juugo’s punch, Naruto wonders if he’d have a career other than being someone’s punching bag if he wasn’t an orphan. He wonders if he wasn’t so stupid, where he could have gone with his life.

But no...he was a fucking moron with no one to love and no one that loved him. This life was more than fitting for such a loser like him.

Juugo makes a direct impact with his jaw, and Naruto is flung across the match box from the force of impact. He isn’t sure if he’s ever felt such crippling pain before; it felt as if someone had taken a pickaxe and smashed his face through.

He can’t even hear the roar of the crows anymore. His blood is pumping so loudly in his ears, that he wouldn't be surprised if it was simply leaking out of them like water from a faucet.

The trained boxer in him tells him to get up. To face defeat with dignity. Naruto tells the trained boxer in him to fuck off.

What dignity is in this? All my life...I’ve been beaten down. That’s just how things are.

“Naruto!”

Huh? Blearily, he opens his eyes to an unfamiliar voice screaming his name.

“Naruto!”

There was that voice again...what was that lady’s problem? Couldn’t she see he was giving up on life here...

“NARUTO!”

Finally, his eyes refocus, and suddenly he isn’t sure if he’s actually awake or not. Staring back at him are the lightest gray eyes he’s ever seen. They belong to a woman with a heartbreakingly beautiful face, and dark hair that flowed around her. Was she an angel?

It’s only after several moments of staring at her does he realize she’s saying something to him urgently.

“Don’t you remember what you said to me?” she asks him desperately. He notes with shock that she’s crying. “You said, ‘It doesn’t matter how many times you’re pushed down, what matters is how many times you pick yourself up!’.You can’t give up now, not when you’ve come so far!”

The memory of those gray eyes resurface in his hazy mind, and he realizes with a jolt that he’s looking at none other than Hinata Hyuuga herself.

*

Technically, he was supposed to be in biology class, but he freaking hated Mr. Orochimaru, that slimy creep, and slipped out to the faculty parking lot to have a smoke.

Just when he finds a good spot that hides him from the school’s view, a nearby voice interrupts his much-needed smoke break.

“That’s right, princess,” the nasal-y voice sneers. “Fork it all over.”

With a frown, Naruto drops his cigarette and crushes it with his heel before going over to see what was going on.

He was shocked to find his classmate from middle school, Hana? Well, whatever her name was, on the ground, her hair held tightly by one senior boy while the other looted through her backpack.

“Found it!” the nasal-voiced one declared as he took out what he assumed was her wallet. “I knew the Hyuuga-princess would be loaded.”

“Please let go of my hair,” the chick whimpers pathetically. That’s what sets him off.

About one minute and 45 seconds later, the boys sprint away from the scene, bruised and bloodied.

“Here ya go,” he says as he hands her the fallen wallet. “You ok?”

“I-I...y-y-yes, th-thank you,” she whispers as she wiped away her tears.

“How’d you even get robbed at school?” he asks somewhat incredulously, leaning against the car parked next to them.

“Th-those two...have a-always p-picked on me,” she whispers again, staring down at her hands as if she was ashamed. He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t get off of the road.

“They can only pick on you if you let them,” he tells her kindly, crouching down so he can meet her gaze. He almost topples over when her eyes finally meet his. He’s never seen someone with such light eyes before. They nearly looked white.

“A-anyways, it's not about how many times you get pushed down,” he continues with a grin. “It’s about how many times you pick yourself up!

“B-but I-I’m not strong like you…” the girl confesses in a crushed voice. Her words left him shocked.

She thought he was strong?

“Well…” he pauses, wondering if he should tell her this. But one look at her sad face makes up his mind. That was an expression he wore himself too many times when he was younger. “To tell you the truth, it took me a long time to get where I am. It wasn’t easy, but I promise you, the only person standing in your way of becoming stronger is you.”

“H-how do I g-get stronger then?” the girl asks him breathlessly. He notices that she looks a lot less pale now, with a lot of color in her cheeks.

“Ha, a question I can actually answer!” he laughs heartily before offering her a hand to get up. She takes it shyly, and he’s jolted by how soft her skin is. It’s only when she stares at him expectedly does he realize that he hasn’t answered her question. Dropping her hand to rub the back of his neck, he chuckles kinda awkwardly.

“To get stronger you need to work hard, but more importantly, you need to believe in yourself!”

*

He returns to the present at the feel of something soft against his skin. Blinking, he realizes Hinata is cupping his cheek.

“You’ve worked so hard, Naruto!” she cries, the intensity of her voice starkly contrasting against how softly she stroked his face. “You need to believe in yourself!”

It takes him a few tries since his facial muscles won’t stop spasming, but slowly his lips stretch into a grin.

Reaching up to hold her hand against his cheek, he slowly gets to his knees. He’s aware that the crowds are shouting louder than he’s ever heard. Spitting out blood and a tooth, he locks eyes with Hinata, his grin widening at the sight of her awestruck expression.

“You’re absolutely correct,” he says, slurring through his words. He lets go of her hand and stands up fully, facing Juugo once more.

“Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in Konoha history, we have found a boxer that was able to take a direct hit to the face from none of than the MIGHTY Juugo himself, and still stand up!” the commentator practically screams into his mic. The crowd's response was so loud, he could feel the match box vibrating from its intensity.

“Why get up?” Juugo asks with a sigh. Either Naruto had double vision currently, or Juugo has found a way to make a doppelganger. “We both know you’ll only lose.”

“Heh...maybe,” Naruto agrees as he begins to hop from foot to foot. “But winning isn’t everything, idiot.”

*

“Ow! Jeez, would it kill you to be gentler?”

“I have to disinfect your wound or it will get infected,” Kakashi responds evenly as he continues dabbing the cut on his forehead with an alcohol wipe.

“Can you hurry up then?” Naruto whines as he holds an ice pack to his jaw. “I gotta...go.”

“Are you meeting up with your guardian angel then?” Kakashi asks, his curiosity barely hidden by his cool tone.

“Huh?” Naruto finds himself blushing for no reason. “What are you talking about!”

“Well, everyone saw you two speak during the match,” Kakashi points out. Lowering the wipe, Kakashi looks at him head on. “What did she say to you, by the way? It must have been some pep talk if it got you to land a solid punch on Juugo’s solar plexus after taking a face shot.”

“Wait,” Naruto stands up and quickly regrets that move. God, he was aching all over. Oh shit. He dropped his ice pack. You couldn’t pay him to bend over and pick that up. “Are you saying that-”

“E-Excuse me?”

Naruto whirls his head so quickly he nearly faints from the rush of blood to his head, but he is rewarded with the sight of Hinata standing hesitantly by the entrance of the gym’s makeshift clinic.

“Hinata!” Naruto can’t help but exclaim her name. “I can’t believe you came to my match! How’d you find out about it? How are you? You look really nice!”

“I’ve been coming to a few of your matches for a while now,” Hinata answers shyly, her cheeks a pretty pink. “My cousin Neji has a friend that knew about you...and he told me where you have your matches. I’m fine, and...t-thank you.”

“Why are you saying thank you?” Naruto asks, confused.

“She’s responding to your compliment of how she looks,” Kakashi contributes with a smirk. Naruto feels his face grow warm. He hadn’t even realized he had said that. Damn his loud mouth.

“How did you and Naruto here meet, Miss?” Kakashi asks Hinata politely. Pfft. His courteous gentlemen act annoyed Naruto. If only Hinata knew how big of a perv his coach really was…

“We were classmates all the way till high school when he...left,” Hinata answers, fidgeting slightly.

“It’s been what, four years?” Naruto asks as he tries to do the math.

“Five,” Hinata corrects with a smile.

“I just remembered, I have some reading I need to finish,” Kakashi suddenly speaks up. “Miss, could you please finish dressing Naruto’s wounds for me? I’m afraid it’s urgent.”

“Reading?” Naruto repeats incredulously. “Do you mean those goddamn-”

“Tata~!” Kakashi waves as he leaves the room in a flurry of giggles.

What in the fresh hell…

“Is he always like that?” Hinata asks as she walks towards him.

Naruto sighs. “I don’t even know. He’s a freak.”

“Are you alright?”

Naruto glances down and realizes that Hinata stands right in front of him. With him standing, she comes only to his shoulders, but she’s close enough for him to see the worry in her eyes as she takes in his wounds.

“I’m fine!” Naruto exclaims enthusiastically, giving her a vibrant thumbs up, only to immediately wince from the pressure that puts on his bruised ribs.

“Sit down,” Hinata orders gently. “I’ll patch you up as best as I can…”

Naruto complies and finds himself eye to eye with her. She picks up the alcohol wipe Kakashi was using and returns to the scrape on his forehead. He hardly feels the sting.

He had a lot of questions to ask her, but now, with her so close he could smell the jasmine perfume she apparently wore, his mind was wiped clean of everything as he simply stared at her. He couldn’t decide if she had suddenly become beautiful in the five years they were apart, or she always looked like this and he was too stupid to notice.

“You have a cut on your lip,” Hinata says, startling him from his thoughts. “I’m afraid it will sting…”

“I can take it!” he assures her with a smile. She smiles back, though there is concern in her eyes.

Naruto’s breath catches as she takes a hold of his chin and tilts his face upwards. Despite the habit of fluorescents drowning out color with their harshness, her blue-black hair glowed. He wondered if she could see his pulse thrumming wildly in his neck.

She dabs his lip with a new wipe, and she’s right, it does sting, but before his mind can fully process the pain, she’s blowing cool air onto his lips, and it’s like his mind loses all ability of forming a coherent thought.

“Are you alright?” Hinata asks worriedly. “Did it sting a lot?”

“I-It helped when you blew on it,” Naruto responds hoarsely, clearing his throat and awkwardly averting his eyes. What was going on with him? He was never this out of it after a match…

“I’ll remember that,” Hinata giggles before wiping his lip once more. This time she cleans more of his lip before blowing, making the anticipated coolness so much sweeter. He can’t help but part his lips as his body relaxes.

“I think that should be alright,” Hinata says as she throws the used wipes away. “Are there any other cuts you need disinfected?”

For some reason, he wished he did. “Uh, no. Thanks, Hinata!”

She smiles sweetly at him as retrieves a box of bandages. “Of course, Naruto.”

His mind clears a bit and he realizes the woman before him is very different from the girl of his memories.

“You’ve changed,” he blurts without a thought. At Hinata’s confused expression, he hurriedly clarifies, “In a good way! I mean, it’s just...you seem a lot more confident with yourself.”

Hinata stares at the bandage box in her hands and Naruto is worried he’s offended her in some way, but she surprises him when she looks back at him with the widest smile he’s seen on her.

“I...couldn’t be happier you think that,” she tells him cheerfully. “To tell you the truth, it took me a long time to get where I am. It wasn’t easy, but someone helped me realize the only person standing in my way was myself.”

Naruto’s jaw falls open as he hears her words. He couldn’t believe…all those years later, she remembered word for word what he had said to her, and more importantly, she had taken them to heart.

“When I found out you had matches here, I knew I had to come and see you fight,” Hinata continues, though her face grows sadder. “But the Naruto I saw in the ring today...Naruto, is everything alright?”

Naruto could say confidently he had friends. Mentors. Fellow fighters. But in all his years of boxing and bonding with everyone at Konoha Gym...no one has ever looked so concerned for his well-being. He genuinely did not know how to respond.

“Uh…” Naruto trails off as he looks away from her. Confessing to a woman how lonely you were was extremely uncool, even by his standards.

“I know we aren’t exactly friends,” Hinata sighs, twiddling her fingers together nervously. “But you have helped me in my life more than you realize...the very least I could do is return the favor.”

“Don’t be silly,” he chides her gently. “I haven’t done anything, it’s all you. Give yourself more credit for your own accomplishments!”

Hinata smiles but shakes her head in disagreement.

“You’re wrong,” she says quietly. “Even when we were younger, I used to watch you. Seeing you...never giving up and always smiling, regardless of how others treated you...it gave me hope that one day I too could be happy despite how others t-treated me.”

“Even now,” she adds in a louder voice as her shoulders straighten. “I tell my first graders stories of you whenever they’re discouraged. To them -and me- you’re a hero Naruto!”

He doesn’t think when he reaches for her. All he knows is that if he doesn’t hug her right now, he’ll explode. Hinata, for her part, does not resist being pulled into his embrace but is undeniably rigid. After a few moments of having his arms wrapped around her, however, she finally relaxes into his hold and even embraces him back.

It’s the best hug Naruto has ever had in his life. She was so soft and warm and sweet, but most importantly she was there because she wanted to be here...with him.

“Thank you,” he whispers into her hair, not even caring as he began to cry. “You have no idea...how badly I needed to hear that.”

“Wherever, whenever, whatever it is that you ever need,” Hinata pulls back from his chest to give him a watery smile, droplets of tears clinging to her long lashes. “I’ll do my best to give it to you, Naruto.”

He’s about to ask her why she would go so far for a near stranger, but she pulls one arm off of him and gives him a thumbs up as she shuts an eye in a form of an exaggerated wink. With a slight start, he realizes she’s mimicking his signature ‘move’ from back when they were kids.

“And I never go back on my word.”

It’s only after hearing his own words repeated to himself does he realize how far he’s strayed from his own mantra.

*

He sees Hinata a lot more after that. He’s also had an undefeated winning streak since his match with Juugo. He’s made so much money recently he seriously does not know how to spend it, so a lot of it goes to gifts for Hinata.

Maybe he should ask Sasuke if he should save up for something…

Going back to the main point, he simply felt more energized every time he saw his dark-haired...friend. Yes, that was what they were. Or were they? Wait, what was he thinking? Of course, they were friends! What else could they be? It was a wonder why Hinata tolerated his dumbass. I mean really... she was so pretty and nice and funny and smart, she could hang out with any guy! Why him? Not that they went out on dates. Though that restaurant they had dinner at the other day was pretty romantic...but that’s because they had her favorite dessert and he couldn’t say no! Not that he’d ever say no to her. Because he liked her. A lot. AS A FRIEND….

“You seem conflicted, my good friend! What troubles your youthful heart?”

“Hey, Lee,” Naruto greets his pal with a fist bump. “Here to train?”

“Of course!” Lee answers jubilantly. “But you did not answer the question, my friend.”

“Wellll,” Naruto draws out the word as he rubs the back of his neck nervously. “You know how I was kinda in a slump a few weeks back?”

Lee nods his head vigorously. “Indeed I did! I even consulted my friend Neji, who is most knowledgable in...well, everything. He suggested antidepressants, but by the time I got some for you, you were healed!”

“Wait, it was you who-! Ugh, forget it,” Naruto shakes his head, not even wanting to get into how Lee could be friends with Hinata’s mysterious cousin. “Anyways, yeah I’ve been a lot happier in terms of my personal life, but I still don’t know if boxing is what’s meant for me, you know?”

Instead of sprouting off an energetic answer as he expected, Lee simply smiles sadly at him.

“I see you are at a crossroads, my friend,” he states with a nod of his head. “All I can tell you is to pick what your heart tells you.”

Naruto purses his lips and considers bushy brow’s advice.

I wonder what Hinata thinks of me as a boxer…

*

“Aw, Hinata, are you sure you can’t do dinner tonight?” Naruto pouts as he balances his phone on his shoulder as he attempts to unlock his apartment door while holding groceries.

“I’m sorry Naruto, but it’s a family function I can’t miss out on,” Hinata apologizes earnestly.

“It’s ok,” Naruto sighs. “I just miss you.”

“You saw me yesterday,” Hinata points out with a giggle.

“But not today,” Naruto counters petulantly. Meeting up with Hinata were the highlights of his days, and whenever he didn’t get to see her, he’d be terribly cranky until he saw her again.

“I’ll make it up to you tomorrow,” Hinata offers. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Meet?” Naruto repeats as he places his groceries on his sticky counters. Man, he needed to clean those...the last time Hinata came over, he had been more than embarrassed by his state of living. “Who?”

“It’s a surprise, but I think you’ll really like him,” she replies mischievously.

Naruto frowns suddenly. “Him?”

“Yes, him. Listen Naruto, I need to go now. See you tomorrow!”

“Wai-” he’s too slow. Hinata’s hung up.

Suddenly in a foul mood, Naruto abandons his groceries (something he only really bought so Hinata could have something to eat whenever she came over), he stalked over to his ratty couch and flung himself onto it.

Who the hell was this ‘him’ Hinata was talking about? As far as he knew, the only ‘hims’ in her life was her cousin Neji and her stingy-ass dad.

He’d already met Neji thanks to Lee (truly one of the most awkward encounters of his life) and he didn’t think she would just spring a surprise visit from her dad onto him.

Which left the million dollar question: WHO WAS THIS GUY?

His phone suddenly buzzed and Naruto jumped towards it as if a fire had been lit underneath him. Maybe Hinata could do dinner after all!

Sakura: Hey Naruto! It’s been a long time since we hung out, how about we grab something to eat and catch up?

Naruto frowns at the text. Just a few years ago, he would have wept with joy at this offer, but now it further annoyed him. Was Hinata not eating dinner with him because she was meeting “him”?

Naruto: srry bzy 2nite

*

If this punk even looks at Hinata wrong, I’ll pummel him Naruto thought to himself darkly as he waited outside Konoha Gym for Hinata and Mr. Dreamy Mystery Guy.

He was wearing black pants and a white tank top that conveniently revealed his hard-earned muscles. He may have kept his boxing bandages around his hands on as well. It was always better to be prepared than sorry!

He was contemplating going back in to put some grease on under his eyes when he heard Hinata call out his name.

Taking a deep breath, Naruto turns around.

And sees Hinata. With a kid.

“Sorry we’re late,” Hinata apologizes breathlessly. “We had to make a quick potty break stop.”

“Um. Who is this,” Naruto asks, pointing to the kid with his chin.

This seems to set the brat off.

“MY NAME IS KONOHAMURU SARUTOBI!” he shouts angrily. “I’ll fight you if you show me any dis….dis..diz-ray-speck!”

“It’s pronounced, disrespect,” Hinata corrects gently, ruffling the boy's rowdy brown hair. “Konohamuru, this is Naruto, my friend that is a boxer. Naruto, this is Konohamuru, a big fan of yours.”

Konohamuru’s demeanor immediately changes upon learning Naruto’s identity.

“You’re Mr. Naruto??” Konohamuru squeals. Dropping Hinata’s hand and lurching towards him, Naruto is nearly toppled backward as he latches himself onto his legs. “Please please please teach me how to be a boxer!”

Naruto looks up at Hinata bewilderedly, but she simply gives him an encouraging smile.

“Well...I guess I could show you the basics,” Naruto chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. “But you gotta listen to everything I say, ok? It’s important to always follow the rules in boxing.”

“Yes, boss!” Konohamaru chirps excitedly.

A warm feeling spreads in Naruto’s chest. He’s never had a child look at him so reverently before...It was something he could get used to, if he was being honest.

*

Konohamuru is a surprisingly good student, even gathering praise from other fighters at the gym, but he’s also only six, and after a good hour of training and another 15 minutes of snack time, he’s fast asleep in Hinata’s arms.

“Little guy’s got potential, I’ll give him that!” Naruto laughs, wiping away some of his sweat with a towel.

“You’re a good teacher,” Hinata praises him with a smile. Naruto blushes and waves off her compliment.

“Ah, don’t say that! It makes me self-conscience cause you’re a teacher, ya know?”

“Conscious,” Hinata corrects kindly.

“Hehe, right,” Naruto chuckles sheepishly before realizing that Hinata is holding a sleeping kid. “Um, what are you gonna do with it? I mean him!”

“I called his Uncle Asuma, he’ll be here soon to pick him up,” Hinata says, smiling down at Konohamuru and wiping away his hair from his face.

“Here, let me,” without waiting for her response, Naruto bends down and gently extracts Konohamuru from Hinata’s lap, holding him up against his chest.

“Are you sure you’re ok holding him?” Hinata asks worriedly.

“I got him!” Naruto reassures her with a grin. “Follow me.”

Naruto leads Hinata out of the main floor, but unfortunately, they have to pass by Suigetsu.

“What’s this Uzumaki?” Suigetsu cackles as his eyes go between Konohamuru and Hinata. “Playing house?”

“Shut up,” Naruto growls, grabbing Hinata’s hand to pull her along quicker. Thankfully, they’re able to the destination without further interruptions.

“Is this someone’s office?” Hinata asks as he slowly lowers Konohamuru onto the couch.

“Kakashi’s,” Naruto answers, straightening up. “It’s his dog’s birthday today, or whatever, so he won’t be coming in.

Hinata raises an eyebrow but otherwise doesn’t comment. She takes a seat on the chair in front of the desk, and Naruto goes over and brings Kakashi’s chair over so he’s sitting next to her. They both do their best to ignore the Icha Icha and dog posters.

“I’m glad you brought Konohamuru today,” he says in a quiet voice, glancing over at the snoring kid. “It was fun.”

“I’m glad too,” Hinata replies. “Recently, Konohamuru lost both his parents and grandfather in a car accident...it affected him deeply. When I told him you are also an orphan, he begged me to take him to you.”

Naruto gapes at her and looks back at Konohamuru, feeling his chest tighten with a familiar pain. So that kid...was just like him, huh?

“Today was the first time in months I saw him laugh or even smile,” Hinata reveals. “You really helped him today, Naruto.”

“I-I didn’t do anything much,” Naruto protests weakly.

Hinata’s eyes meet his and in that moment, he feels as if she can see every thought he’s ever had.

“I know you have doubts about boxing,” she admits. “And I’m no one to tell you what you can or cannot do with your life, but trust me, Naruto, you could help many young kids just like Konohamuru through your work. It’s something to consider.”

It hits him. It finally hits him. Harder than any punch any boxer could throw.

Without warning, he leans forward and scoops Hinata into his arms, twirling her around. She’s just barely able to contain her shriek, and he has a much harder time holding back his laughter.

“I get it now,” he whispers, setting her down so she can look at him. “The very reason I started boxing in the first place...was because I needed an outlet for my anger, for my grief. But then it grew into something more. It gave me the ability to not only fight, but to protect.

Except for so long, I didn’t have anyone to protect. I have that now. I want to protect kids like Konohamuru. Give them a chance to channel their hurt into something good and strong. But more than that, Hinata, I want to protect you.”

“M-Me?” Hinata squeaks, face tomato-red.

Naruto nods and cups both her cheeks.

“Yes, you. The one who has stood by my side all this time, the one who understands and cares for me...the one I love.”

A/N: I apologize for the length, I got a bit carried away lol...But what can I say, boxer!naruto is my weakness!