#it's about that too
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Not a coherent thesis here yet but I've been thinking lately about the dynamic of.... people who loved you unconditionally as a kid (or on the condition of being family, which is another weird dynamic) - but as you got older that became strained because you grew into someone they didn't expect and they realized that they did have conditions, actually.
I mean. There are people who had conditions all along, but just didn't mention them until you didn't meet them. And there's people who spent the whole time actively trying to mold you into someone who would meet their conditions.
But there's also people who truly didn't realize that you could grow up into someone that surprised them, that pushed their concepts of normal reasonable people. I think often because they themselves were constrained in their childhoods and mentally closed off whole worlds of options of ways people could be, without realizing it. So they thought kids just sort of naturally grew out of those sorts of quirks and eccentricities. Without realizing how much that dynamic was driven by active suppression, and how weird people could get if you just let them.
There's one such person in my life who has truly tried to grow and learn as this has come up, over and over again. And I really love and respect her for it, even if sometimes its a little exhausting to have to keep pushing at it. Keep explaining, and expanding, and not being hurt by her baseline of confusion that I'm still just.... not someone she knows how to expect. Even after all this time. But she does love me unconditionally. And for her that's the baseline, and she's willing to put in the work to expand her understanding of the world to know what it means to love me for who I am, even if it doesn't always come easily to her.
And then there's other people who run into this same tension and don't know what to do with it. They don't realize that loving you for who you are means putting in work to expand their concept of ways people can be. They don't try to overtly push you into not being like that but they keep holding out the expectation that you will, because how are they supposed to love you being like that? And of course as a kid, a teen, a young adult, you don't really have words for it either. You can feel the tension, the dissonance between the way they openly offer love to you that doesn't seem to fit, and the way they react to with confusion or distaste to parts of you that you can't change, or don't want to. Sometimes to things in yourself you can't even identify. So sometimes you make an effort to hide those things and act like they want. And sometimes you buckle down on being yourself. But neither approach really seems to fill the gap. You can't recieve affection and have it fit at the same time.
And eventually it just feels like you've sort of failed each other. By the time you have the words and self awareness to know what went wrong and where, it's too late to draw the chasm closed.
It's not too late to bridge it. But if we make this effort as adults, with the conditionality of adult relationships, you'll have to see me as I am and accept that - or be a stranger.
It's weird, to be like strangers with people who've known you your whole life.
#big long self indulgent rambling.#To reiterate this is not about people whose love for children is overtly conditional or involves bullying you into being a certain way#That's a whole other thing.#This is about people who think they're not doing that but actually don't know how not to.#And you end up not really knowing how to feel about it because you know they're trying. Or they think they're trying.#You know they don't mean badly and even that they want to love you#But that's not the same as actually. Loving you for who you actually are.#There's a lot of people in my family for whom I have a lot of affection but I experience it in a very detached way#Because their love for me has long felt detached because it encompasses a version of me that just isn't quite accurate.#And I feel like it's not entirely their fault that I haven't made that inaccuracy more clear to them.#I never went for a teenage-rebellion 'you dont even know who I am!!' type of phase which in retrospect feels like it might have helped#But it's just a pervasive sort of misconception that's hard to address directly enough to clear it up#Especially when times I've shown a little more of my hand more honestly have not..... gone down well.#This is about queerness and genderqueerness and neurodivergence and probably also other things#Oh and being unemployed with no life plans even though 'you had so much potential!'#it's about that too
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let's get ✨vulnerable✨
#this isnt meant to be ship. or suggestive. i dont even wanna tag it as ship tbh#theres something really really lovely about platonically bathing with someone and I think they'd be normal about it#I don't think either of them would wanna spend too much time alone either. after. all that shit#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#chilchuck tims#senshi of izganda#my art#comic
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#tiktok#and this is only relevant to those who know about my cat but i found out this turtles name is fig too
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we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!
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i found out that the dancing banana was created some time in 1999 today and i feel so bad. he’s 25… and i never did anything for him. this is like if i forogot a loved ones birthday
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Currently thinking about how much Ford tries to hide his hands a lot when he can…behind his back with this stance. Due to how often he’s been bullied for it.
And also, how Mabel is one of the ones who Ford feels happy about showing his hands to because she thought they were cool looking upon first shaking his hand, instead of him being judged for his six fingers.
[ID: Gravity Falls screenshots. The first three are of Ford with his hands crossed behind his back. The last two are of him shaking hands with Mabel, and letting her paint a turkey on his hand. He's smiling in both. End ID.]
#Ford and Mabel defender for life#This probably isn’t much but idc I LOVE them sm#Ford being insecure about his hands :((#I’m making myself sad too#gravity falls#stanford pines#mabel pines#gravity falls lost legends#If I think about Ford too much I’ll explode#ramblings#Either this or he’s autistic
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Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995-1996) / Mouthwashing (2024)
inspired by this post
#god mouthwashing is such an incredible game#haven't been able to stop thinking about it#also there are probably more similarities but i'm too tired rn#mouthwashing#neon genesis evangelion#nge#train wreck of a post
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"never too late to be who you might have been" by sara yukiko mon | still from i saw the tv glow, "there is still time"
#art#sara yukiko mon#i saw the tv glow#never too late to be who you might have been#there is still time#i've been thinking about that movie a bit i guess
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im like the opposite of those misogynist comic guys except not in a good way
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Expertise can't help you here.
#dungeon meshi#kabru#laios touden#falin touden#Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have!#I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play.#I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks.#Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere.#Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios.#The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*.#This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those.#Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human.#Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her.#She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist.#The damsel was the dragon all along!#...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.
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not caring too much about a fandom’s favourite guy is the worst. you’ll think “oh i’ll look into the tag see if anything new and cool’s there” and it’s just that fucking guy again
#this is about astarion. gale to an extent too#had this with dragonage too because 80% of the time it was just solas or cullen. who i dont care for too much#and i do LIKE astarion and gale. But my favourites are the girls and wyll#something i had less with the dao cast because i generally also like the popular guys of that one alistair and zev#but then it’s like. ‘do you guys even understand these characters’#da2 i dont care for anders dragonage all that much. Fenris i do LIKE and he’s my fav guy. but i dont care for them the most#sorry for complain posting. Went into a tag today if you couldnt tell#roscoe rambles
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hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???
i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)
#rambling#and idk but like if this incentivises you to do some stretches too then that's great! remember to be kind to yourself#but im mostly directing this at myself because i was thinkng about these things while doing a 15 min stretch routine and i feel silly#but silly is okay as long as i keep going#edit: haha wow this post blew up. im gonna tag it with a few things to maybe help me find it later if necessary#sisyphus#body maintenance#popular post
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“They gave me runway in this film. There’s one monologue in there. I can’t tell you the details of it. I say more words in that monologue than I said in an entire movie once as Wolverine. But there are sides of the character that I’ve been scratching at for 24 years […] There is stuff in this movie where I was like, ‘This is the thing I’ve been trying to get out’ and I feel so excited about it.”
— Hugh Jackman talking about Logan in Deadpool & Wolverine (x)
#genuinely so happy that logan got a whole monologue in this movie#HE TALKS SO MUCH NOW was literally my immediate reaction to this movie#i love seeing this man express himself and aaaa i just love worstie logan so very much#also lmao i love wade's line#HUGH BEING HAPPY ABOUT THIS LOGAN PORTRAYAL MAKES ME HAPPY TOO#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool & wolverine#logan howlett#worst wolverine#wolverine#james logan howlett#james howlett#hugh jackman#deadpool 3#poolverine
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see 0 note flop posts aren't that bad when they're personal but 0 note fandom posts feel literally so bad. like if you don't wanna play toys with me anymore just say that. i'll pack up my super cool awesome things and go and i'll sit on the other side of the playground by myself and i won't even look at you. fuck
#yes i AM thinking about a particular post. no it wasn't that good but still. a moment of heartache for sure#like it feels so bad but im too prou dto delete it and also too lazy
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One of my favourite questions for figuring out a character’s motivations is which qualities they most fear being assigned to them. Are they afraid (consciously or unconsciously) of being seen as stupid? Ungrateful? Weak? Incompetent? Lazy? Cowardly? Intimidating? Like they actually care? etc.
It’s such a fun way to explore into who they are, why they do what they do, what they don’t do out of fear, and how they might be affected by the events of the story. And I love when characters have negative motivations—trying to avoid something (in this case, being seen a particular way) as much as they’re trying to achieve a goal.
#it’s also a great question to think about yourself lmfao#ttrpgs#(is usually where I think about this but it’s good for other character building too)#my stuff
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