#it's a very much unspoken thing
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Tender Moments || Comfort (Mild Spice Below)
Iām saying āscrew itā and posting this older art.
Some stuff that's a little more spicy under the cut.
Buuuuut I genuinely am so soft for them and they are very soft with each other and understand each other and seek comfort from one another I AM SIIIIIICK *sobs* I have been contemplating just how much I can share with y'all but I just want to share some stuff so badly so I'm saying heck it we ball. I hope you guys enjoy.
This is just a concept anyway
Really Usagi just wants cuddles and kisses and gentle touch. Heās hurt and he's tired and he's homesick and Leo is the closest thing he has to a friend (they ARE friends ā definitely way more than that emotionally, tbh ā they just won't admit it out loud) since he's been away from home for soooo long by this point. Idk man. My feelings are vast.
#starr's art#villain leo au adjacent#hamato leonardo#usagi yuichi#they are adults#like at this point uhhh they're about 25/26#and they are both down so bad and they both know it but it's not a spoken thing#it's a very much unspoken thing#bc both of them are too scared to say anything in case it ruins something#mild spice#touch#intimacy#comfort#implied kissing#Starrās Spice#LeoSagi#leoichi
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Idek what this is but here you go š¤²
#tfw when you have a doodle idea and it turns into a whole drawing#just a silly little thing#about her being much smarter than people expect her to be and how knowledge (?) isnt about knowing the most out of a book#its about the experiences youāve had and what youāve learned from them#and sheās had so many unspoken experiences but people donāt get it because she canāt put it all into words#so thereās the contrast between her messing up saying ādonāt patronize meāā and then her iconic quote āāyou can changeāā#and then some silly symbolism to go with it#hi guys Iām very normal about her I promise#cassandra cain#dc comics#batgirl#dc#batman#batfam#batman fanart#batgirl (2000)#art#my art#Bingās doodles#using a normal pallet < using either black and white or the most blinding colors possible
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hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?
GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE
Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.
I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:
Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?
Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?
Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?
We're gonna go in chronological order!
Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:
Aww. Such a cute elephant!
Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!
Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:
SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.
(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)
Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:
Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.
Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.
Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:
Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:
... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.
Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.
For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.
Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?
In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.
Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.
Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?
tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later
Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!
The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.
(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)
Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.
By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.
So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)
Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?
tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do
Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.
(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)
The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.
Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."
But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.
Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)
Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!
(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)
Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.
Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?
tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.
Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.
So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.
And look, here we are:
Aww.
Whew - that's everything I could find!
Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3
#dick grayson#anyone with more info feel free to chime in & we can crowdsource <3#i do think the toy elephant is awfully cute though <3#total digression but i was thinking about it as i was writing:#i'm fascinated by the ways that the post-crisis batboys & their stories can intersect with 90s masculinity and all its issues with stoicism#and i'm pro-queering and gender-bending - 90s comics were a total boys' club so i think it's neat that transformative fandom isn't#but i do love 90s masculinity and All Its Issues too & one of the things i find compelling about the dick-tim-bruce trio#& especially dick's place in it - is the unspoken hierarchy whereby bruce is manlier than dick & dick is manlier than tim#and so dick's in the middle as this somewhat softer-character who aspires to be a harsher & more stoic & ultimate manly-man character#caught in the middle between robin & batman & what each role represents#and like. batman is both manhood & the only desirable thing to be AND ALSO it represents this immense narrowing of possibility#because so much of stereotypical masculinity is about reducing the range of emotions you're allowed to have or express#and dick is both incredibly conflicted about bruce AND wants to be just like him & by extension is conflicted about masculinity writ large#so a lot of dick's interactions with tim veer between trying on a frat-boy-ish 'I'm The Manly Guy' persona vs. giving up on it#or trying on imitations of Bruce's Batman persona but also trying to backtrack out of it bc he doesn't like how it feels etc etc#ANYWAY i think what i am trying to say is that if tim had a stuffed animal dick would be entertained & poke mild fun at him#and call him 'teddy' for the next hour or something while tim got increasingly defensive about how the teddy bear was steph's#and/or about how the teddy bear was OLD and tim doesn't even care about it and also WHATEVEr i'm above this#and to an uninformed observer this might look like bullying BUT ACTUALLY#this ritual would IN FACT be very reassuring to both of them + tim would feel WAY better afterward than if dick had ignored it#because by poking fun at him dick shows he still respects tim enough to tease him thus subtextually exorcising the threat of wimpiness#plus allowing tim to defend himself & demonstrate that he can take a joke so they've both reaffirmed their masculinity to each other#& they don't have to be scared of the teddy bear and all it represents anymore#however also afterward dick would have a brief nostalgic flashback to when he was a kid & had a teddy bear & feel weird about the memory#because he would be unable to articulate to himself that what he misses is a past when he allowed himself to be vulnerable#anyway this wouldn't actually happen in comics but it's what would happen in my soul. you know.#ask tag#zitka
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I can understand transmasc people who seem to mostly have an issue with simply being called women, tbh. I can perfectly understand why it would mostly be a linguistic issue for some. From a young age, I was jealous of men and aware they were considered less cool than women. This is even worse now because of the internet- Iāll show you one example.
Why is it gendered? Why are men the people who would understand this? This type of joke has always been on the internet, and itās probably taken on a different form in the past ~5 years or so, but the assumption that the listener/reader is male and that men are the cool, fun sex are a constant. There are small pockets more oriented towards women but most isnāt. Itās always, always bothered me, and I can absolutely see some women just having better connotations with the word āmanā than āwomanā.
Even though a part of you understands itās misogyny, and itās not a reflection of actual women, you eventually start to feel like itās you thatās the problem. I truly feel like if I had kept going down the same route, I would have eventually identified as a trans man, and not nonbinary like I had a first. My brain started to interpret the anguish at seeing things like this and wanting to belong with men as proof Iāve always been one. Even if you have women you care about and donāt consciously think all women fit a certain mold, it still doesnāt feel right. This is made even worse by the trans community acting like ācis womenā is a boring thing to be. It sucks. Iām not going to deny that for some individuals sex dysphoria is very real, and not every one shares this experience, but this has existed in my life for a long time, and it felt very real to me at the time. So I do think for plenty of women, itās not our female body, itās not feminine clothing, itās simply being referred to as a women.
#Iāve also been desperate for male approval on this front too#I donāt give a shit about them thinking Iām hot I want them to think Iām HUMAN#When people would say things like women have more fun!! Itād always be centered around beauty rituals and male attention#Also crack conspiracy theory but the ācrackin open a cold one with the boysā meme really contributed to this feeling tbh#This type of misogyny very much exists outside the internet. Itās usually more subtle and unspoken though in my experience
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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real life drama moment eye roll sams apparently struggling bc he wants to move out and is touring this building hes been eyeing but his roommates dont want him to but also apparently theres beef and he just 'doesnt want to be friends with those people anymore' and he was really vague about what that was all abt and his friend group and who he wanted to even still talk to. and well. not my circus not my monkeys....... but im gonna go ahead and keep my feet in two lanes here does that make me a shady bitch. girl i literally dk any details and thats fine but like. idk whatever..
#personally me and ur roommate r fine so gonna just chill there and also thank my fellow dyke they went on a trip with#just for being a lesbian hashtag dyke swag (we met once and high fived over this)#again not my business but all i know is that apparently some of them planned trips even to where hes from over break and didnt talk to him#abt it. and i was like well did any of you just talk about spring break at all and he was like no. so. okay.. and then he talked vaguely ab#doing so much for them to try and make them like him again and i was just like well once again#did anybody in this friend group ever just like have a direct conversation about anything ever. lowkey. i said it nicer than that#and the answer is pretty much no#like ok blames not fully on u ig but if we had unspoken beef and u were adjacently doing nice things idk that id. recognize that..?#esp just with. the busy-ness of sams life. not trying 2 be callous#idk in general that group just needs to fall apart once again why have u known each other since freshman year#go to like. therapy. also. ok im sorry to be bitching abt somebody thats kind of my friend i dont like feeling like a two faced bitch#thats the gemini in me i guess. ahaha everyone laugh. but whatever this is tumblr dot com. also like the fact that he approached this with#ugh.... im feeling Complex emotions... and i dont like it... :(. im gonna keep it real idk that thats very complex#ur just gonna have to talk to them. a general them. whoever. 'well whats the end goal of that' idk dude u have to figure that out hello#abby talks
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sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you
#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often#bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off'#but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting#bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her#like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around#like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life#but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met#and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM#like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him#but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years#& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite#he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs#he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house#he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent#or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one'#and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company#i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon#and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it#bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people#who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight#i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now#why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough#hella goes home#my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag
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having yancey and stevie from my original story the diner thoughts ššš
from all the characters of the diner i feel like these two are the most like two puzzle pieces instantly clicking together. just in general the story is very focused on starting over far away from the life you used to know and carrying knowledge with you that you'll never speak about for a variety of reasons (and will remain unspoken of throughout the whole story because you'll never know everything there is to know about a person even if you do end up growing very close to them; this is one of the main themes of the story) but especially yancey and stevie understand this like no one else and that's why they work together so well
from the moment they meet and through the first handful of interactions between them it becomes very clear that they're already very comfortable with each other; they skip the small talk, share cigarettes together in their break behind the diner, know that the other went through some heavy shit and they just kind of immediately offer the other their friendship; a judgment-free zone where they can both be their unfiltered and unmasked selves, no need to keep up appearances because they KNOW they both feel like fucking shit and they allow the other to feel like shit with them
but at the same time they know they can't help each other. which is why all their issues remain untalked about until the end of the story; they can't offer the other the comfort they need and deserve because if they'd try, they know they'd start making mistakes. i've thought briefly about letting them have a romantic relationship instead of yancey ending up with rafiq and teddy, but quickly realized it wouldn't add anything else to the story other than the same cycle of mistakes yancey went through with his ex girlfriend which is specifically the situation he's moving away from. so having a redo of all that with stevie wouldn't tell anything new. they'd make each other worse and end up having to get out of there AGAIN, when the whole point of the story is supposed to be that blightwood crossing ends up as their new home because they MADE it into a home
so instead their friendship is both profoundly strong because of the mutual understanding about each other's issues without even having explained anything about it to the other, as well as kind of stuck on becoming closer than they are on account of how they'll never be able to talk about any of it. they won't ever know about each other's past, they'll never learn what the other was like when they were younger, and when either of them needs to talk about something they know they can't go to the other for it because that's just not possible. but what they CAN do is sit with the other and for a while just be miserable in peace, and they know that no matter how bad it gets they WILL always have each other
something something their misery remains forever their own but no matter how ugly it gets the other will still be there at the end of the day
#personal#like obviously the story is very much also just focused on the fucking diner that ends up like. literally eating people#but the dynamics between all the characters are very important since that's why blightwood crossing ends up becoming their home#all the characters feel some level of alienation to the town and the mimic that is pretending to be the diner is. the main cause of this#but through their friendships and how they stick together and trust each other no matter how strange it all may sound at first#THAT is why no one moves away at the end of it all. when at the beginning of the story everyone is kinda looking for a way to leave#i could honestly also write a whole essay on yancey's ex girlfriend but that kinda defeats the purpose of the story#because i can't really talk about what exactly she did. because that's the unspoken part of yancey's past that's just#not discussed in the book at all. like yeah there's hints towards things but there's no full explanation#everything is left up for own interpretation because at the end of the day you can ask yourself how much of it actually matters#there was an accident there was a breakup there was a funeral. and then a handful of other small details#that are all presented in a non-chronological order to the reader and you're just gonna have to piece something together yourself#who was really at fault? who knows!! yancey believes what happened to him is what he deserves but he's an unreliable narrator#in the sense that circumstances have led him to believe he is fully to blame. in addition to the obviously lost will to live#and then the influence of the mimic in town making everything even worse#anyway hi. original story ramblings from bones it will happen again many times sorry
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as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.
this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.
#a lot of people literally refuse to even eat ham or pork#not even for like religious or health reasons#just because they think eating anything but beef and chicken is 'weird and scary and gross'#every time i hear people going on en masse about how 'weird and an acquired taste' something foreign is i go and try it and i'm just like#what the fuck were all of you smoking. where is the unbearable weirdness i am supposed to be experiencing#shoutout to that time i kept hearing about how bizarre a flavor milkis soda is and how intimidating and acquired of a taste#then when i actually try the stuff. it's just fucking peach soda. it's peach soda with a faint tangy yogurtish taste. it makes good floats.#how in the absolute fuck is anything even remotely weird much less gross about this?#unless your concept of what a 'soda' should be is poisoned by a lifetime of the entire soda aisle being filled with nothing but brown sludg#from the same 3 brands that all taste like what would happen if they could distill the concept of diabetes and artificial flavoring syrup#i don't know if other countries have this but there's this weird cultural like mandatory rejection of any 'unusual' food here#way more intense than i've seen from anyone from any other country (though that might just be inexperience with other cultures talking)#people react to the mere suggestion of any food outside a very narrow range with outright disgust and genuine fear and horror#and there's a huge amount of unspoken peer pressure on everyone to also do the same#like you're expected to agree with them and you've breeched some sort of silent social contract if you don't#it's seen as *immoral* almost it feels like#it's difficult to describe unless you've noticed it yourself#americans react to the mere suggestion of eating anything outside of the same 2 meats and handful of fillers the same way#that pearl-clutching aristocrat grandmas react to hearing that people in foreign countries do.. basically anything#it doesnt matter if you're suggesting eating ube cake or suggesting eating live bugs because people will react the same way#everything that's not chicken/beef/ect is as good as bugs to people here#hate this stupid blandass country and how impossible it is to afford any food other than burgers if you're not rich#or blessed with relatives that have any idea how to cook and are at all willing to teach you#cause nother weird thing i've noticed about food culture-or at least wasp food culture-that i haven't seen anywhere else quite the same way#is that if you DO have any relatives that know how to cook then nine times out of ten they will jealously guard their recipes like a dragon#and refuse to share them with anyone#thus taking whatever little cooking knowledge was in the family to their grave#so the opportunity other people usually have for family bonding via passing on recipes? pffft no.#for some reason we seem to actively go out of our way to prevent these things from being passed on#i don't know what the fuck is up with that but i suspect it has something to do with 50's dinner party oneupmanship
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basically the most important thing about evildead is that their responses to each other arent "hey you shouldnt do that" its "hey me too"
#and things get VERY awkward VERY quickly when they try to do that first thing#writing the scene with creature feature (youll see when i mean when i finish it) is supposed to feel VISCERALLY uncomfortable#because they have this unspoken agreement that they wont do the whole patronizing ādo you wanna talk about somethingā conversation#so when william starts that ashes response of ācmon man dont do thatā is supposed to feel. so much deeper#i tred 2 convey that with william like. hesitating too . like he knows hes crossing a line. he even says like but the damage had already be#ughhghghgh#jrwi pd
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they were so so right when they said bkdk is a gay ship for gay people
#i have THOUHHFGBTTS and IDEAAASS but theyre all vague abstract feelings so im just pacing around feeling INSAAANE#im listening to songs and thinking of thrm i cant keep doing this dawg i CANNT. GRRR#RIPS OPEN MY SHIRT TO REVEAL ANOTHER SHIRT THAT SAYS I ā¤ļø COMPLICATED AND MESSY RELATIONSHIPS. GRAAARRUHHHH.#ive come around to them hardcore in my rewatch. in part because as ive gotten older i live for complicted rocky relationships#But Also. i am a bakugo lover harrrddcore now i must admit.#GRWUGG. NOBODY GETS THIS VERY POPULAR SHIP THE WAY I GET THIS SHIP OKAY. OKAY.#do i think they're in love with each other. no. well. ok ''in love'' in the way that you're in love with your best friend.#so no i don't think they're IN love but. there's something there.#there's love in the i hurt you and regret it way. in the you make me want to be better way.#''love'' in the way that if you've had someone in your life for that long of course you love them you have to.#i think that the way mha does a lot of relationships is ''youre my hero. you make me want to be better'' which is really good. i like that#grrrghh. thinking about the way they look at each other in some of the recent chapters. UHHHGGGGG#the amount of unspoken things between them makes me insane.#anyway i have to be done i have to.#.txt#brought to you by that one post i saw that was like krbk is a gay ship for straight people and bkdk is a gay ship for gay people.#whatever. starts a playlist.#they both have so much growing and changing to do before they can be ready to bury the hatchet and be in each other's lives and watching#it happen over the seasons grrhrhrg it makes me a little insane. WHATEVER THATS ENOGJH GN
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ooh cytham for the ship graph thing?
i can totally see it but im also painfully neutral. its like the distrust to respect but also a bit of rivalry dynamic, with the potential for your average dose of ship silliness; like the bickering and "im annoyed", said with affection, is pretty good i just dont ship it myself
#asks#anon ask#also i dont think abt these characters much esp haitham. cy.no i think abt sometimes because wtf when are they going to elaborate on#the fucking sealed god inside his body bro#i like the other ships in the 4ggravate quartet but both to like a very mild degree#mostly bc besides the plot the only dynamics that made an impression on me first time playing were deh.ya + haitham and cy.no + tigh.nari*#the first from the 4.1 quests and the 2nd from the part w scara and dottore i thought the mutual unspoken trust was cool#*that's also not the fault of the archon quest bc i was out of genshin and only started playing again like halfway thru 3.2#and binging archon quests has never been good on getting an accurate impression for me#< same thing happened with chasm gang and i also probably missed things in that#maybe ill ship em someday via osmosis lol. i remember when haitham's trailer came out and everyone was screaming about the alcohol#and possibly sipping a drink from cyno's cup that was hilarious tbh
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this isnt an au ive talked ab on the dash much its mostly been written on discord but i am thinking heavily about the au where kurt spends his entire teenage years kidnapped and finally escapes a little while after he turned eighteen and the way he has to adjust to the shift in his life from being hostage and conditioned into the lifestyle he lived vs freedom and rediscovering the world and more importantly rediscovering himself
#its a. i like the au. its very fun to really look into the ways trauma affects him at different stages of his life#because i can say confidently that if it had happened when he was older he wouldnt. he would be#when he escapes at 18 he still has this. innocence to him despite all that was done to him. this. whimsy and hope and optimism#but that is all drained out of him long before he was taken if hes taken when hes older and his survival is something he views#less as a miracle and more of a price he has to pay for some unspoken sin#the whole au is. very trigger heavy its not a lighthearted one but i do enjoy delving into the depths of kurt and his responses to horrors#his reaction to finding out he wasnt kidnapped so much as his parents sold him off and then lied to the media#is a very. its a long process to understand that and to process it#it takes him a long time to understand their abuse towards him because he views it as nicer than his captivity#and so he assumes it is good and how things should be which is. not the case at all#going insane over an au only lynn knows about skdjfsdf#anyway i enjoy this au i enjoy dark themes and i enjoy exploring the aftermath and i want to do it more#so pls feel free to yell w me ab this au. or make our own fucked up events au#i just love when things r bad and u have to endure
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Kirk and spock are really the ideal will they won't they couple because they both have reasons for why they wouldn't confess (spock is embarrassed by his own feelings and kirk WOULD be the guy who goes 'it's not anyone's business but my own how I feel for mr spock' and also because he's captain he's not allowed) but they also have reasons for why they would be the first to confess (spock is very logical and would come forward with his feelings if he thought even for a second they were interfering with how he does his job and kirk is. Kirk.)
#random thoughts#star trek#fucking love this shakespeare episode#but anyway i think spock confesses first. for the hilarity#he confesses fully thinking he's gonna be shot down but also knowing kirk won't make it weird and they can still work together#but like just as a 'im gonna just get this off my chest' moment#kirk goes from stunned silence to angry sputtering to hysterical laughter to both at once#because kirk is emotionally constipated you fucking KNOW he is. he's so mad about it#but like his main rationale for not confessing was that he's not allowed and spock doesn't feel the same way#BUT KNOWING SPOCK FEELS THE SAME WAY??? OUGH HE'S SO MAD#not like at spock but at himself and at starfleet and at just the universe in general#like after spock confesses and kirk's in the room they were in by himself he looks outside at the great wide universe he's exploring#and he hates it so much. fuck the universe fuck starfleet fuck EVERYTHING#my interpretation of kirk is very angry so far. im still on season one#but like kirk turns him down of course and they're very chill about it until eventually they're macking on each other like teenagers#like on a mission on some planet somewhere#kirk DOES pick spock up and he DOES slam him against the wall. very brokeback mountain of him#they're disguised as cowboys or something i've decided. mccoy is very much there but like in the distance#it's strictly making out for like a WHILE. and they never mention it#kirk thinks it's like this unspoken thing between them and it's mutually understood. it's NOT.#spock just had NO REASON to bring it up so far#idk WHY he brings it up. probably just during a casual convo while playing chess and kirk immediately gets weird about it#and spock's like 'is there something wrong jim' and kirk's like 'no i just thought we weren't gonna talk about this'#and spock's like ' . . . do you want me to . . . stop?' and kirk's like 'no you can go ahead i just thought we weren't talking about it'#'did we ever agree to never talk about it?' 'well . . . maybe not VERBALLY per se but' 'ah yes one of your earth customs of tacit agreement'#spock is just very casual about the whole thing because spock is very good at compartmentalizing his emotions#does spock understand WHY kirk doesn't want to date him? no.#does spock understand WHY kirk is making out with him spending all this time with him and also HOLDING HIS HAND??? also no#at one point spock asks about different types of human relationships and kirk gets into the distinctions including greek shit#it does not clear things up like at all but spock relates to agape love
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I go through these short periods of time feeling very okay and good even only bc i distract myself from what pains me until it catches up again and the cycle repeats itself
#i think it's verrrrrrrrry close to catching up again after i've had normal 2 weeks lol#so many ifs and buts and would things be better had i made a different decision lived in a different place or time etc#but i'll never now i'll always only have the here and now and the unchangeable past#and the very incertain scary future i'm trying so so so hard to be hopeful about but seeing things as they are right now. i really dont kno#i can only fake it to some point. i cant fake it till i make it. i'll fall apart countless times and then wont make it anyway#i feel like. i feel like all the circumstances i've been in have all always been against me#like i'm the only unlucky one among the people i know#i try so so so hard to remind myself that people who seem to have it so much better have their own problems too#but then also i remember something i wrote down once as a teen. the phrase you typically hear#''i have been battling (?) with this problem but am lucky enough to have a support system / loving friends etc''#and idk how right i am with thinking this way but no matter what problems you have.#it's the toughest thing to lack deep connections with at least 1 person ideally like 3 i guess bc it's such a fundamental thing#you know having someone you can ALWAYS turn to without feeling bad and you know that they can and do turn to you too#and i do have a few wonderful friends i love so so much but i feel and know that no one needs me like i need them#every friendships feels so fragile to me. no one depends on me turns to me for advice or to vent etc#and when i feel like i need to do any of those things i cant turn to any of them#there's still inevitably a sort of disconnect i feel#and it terrifies me that i'll never find someone i connect with on a deeper level and it's mutual and we both can depend on each other#and there are no boundaries no shame no unspoken words#i dont know how true any of my feelings are but. but yeah#nesi rants
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things you'll be hard pressed to learn about nesta from nesta so i am telling you, pt 1:
the grooming she was made to endure at the hands of her own mother to prepare her for marriage, first in the hopes of securing her family's place in society and then in saving her family from poverty
#aka phase one in the death of an openly soft-hearted nesta#her mother did everything in her power to shape nesta into ~wifey material~ at the expense of a healthy relationship with her daughter#and also at the detriment to said daughter#and as much as nesta had been taught that her only worth was what she could do for others#particularly her family but also for men (i.e. a future husband).#in some ways. there is freedom in fulfilling this sense of duty that was practically beaten into her from a very young age#if she can just save her family. if she can protect her sisters.#nesta was to be the 'breeding mare' of her family. that was what she was raised to be. in order to take care of her sisters#to save them from the fate of a loveless marriage of a cruel husband of the scorn of her parents and of society#and when she failed again and again to be successful in securing this future for all of them#she was subjected to her mother's ire. her father's disdain. her sisters' unspoken disappointment.#the last thing her mother said to her before she died was that she was born wrong.#that she was a waste.#and then every person she met after that said essentially the same thing in one way or another#and i think that this is the exact way that nesta views herself#privately of course though it wouldn't be difficult to see this if anyone bothered to pay attention#and even though she is no longer shackled to the human's way of life and those societal expectations attached to it#she still upholds the expectation that she must be the one who sacrifices in order to keep her sisters safe#that's why she hated rh.ysand [disgust]. because he took away f.eyre's choice which meant that nesta didn't keep her sister safe#she was made fae and humans hate fae and there was no chance she could save her family#i have a lot to say about the misogyny that is rampant in this stupid series but it's also deeply connected to who nesta is as a person#why she is the way she is#and how i will use it to unwrap her. to see her through her healing process.#desperately desperately itching for an emerie. for a gwyn. perhaps i will drabble some things to make up for it#they are so integral to nesta's growth and healing#a sisterhood that chose her and that she chose#one that she can love right because she never could with her blood sisters#emerie and gwyn love nesta so much just the way she is and i love them too for it!!!!!!!!!!
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