#it's a testament to the hold these films have on me that I did this

[elizmanderson]

I call this one "the brain rot continues"

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 61)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

After the initial shock of the night, Mara had recovered quickly and, about ten days after the incident, you found yourself packing some bags to take Mara onto her first trip since you separated from Cillian.

You were going to visit him after all, in Liverpool, for an entire week while he was filming so that he could spend some time with Mara.

The idea was for you to stay in a separate unit with Mara, inside the apartment/hotel building rented out for the cast and crew and seeing that Cillian was an executive producer on the movie, he did not need approval for this.

"Nappies, check," you murmured under your breath as you walked through your house, making sure you had everything you needed for the trip. "Wipes, check," you muttered again, ticking off the items in your head.

"Toys, change of clothes... I think that's everything," you said to no one in particular before making your way back to Mara who was playing quietly on the floor while your best friend Emma roamed through your closet.

"How about this? Or that? Or maybe both?"  Emma suggested, holding up a silky black blouse and a pair of distressed jeans.

You couldn't help but laugh at her enthusiasm. "Em, I am not going out to party while I am away. I am going there so that Mara can see her dad and spend some time with him," you said, shaking your head as you turned to face her.

Emma held up her hands in surrender, a sheepish look on her face. "Okay, okay. I got it. No partying. Just quality time with your baby daddy and Mara. Got it," she said, smiling brightly before pulling out some lingerie.

"How about this then?"  Emma suggested, holding up a lacy bra and panty set. "I mean, it's still part of quality time with your baby daddy, right?" she winked at you playfully.

"Oh god, no! I am not going down that route again,  Em! Cill and I are in a good place right now I think, and I am not planning on rocking the boat just because I want to get laid," you said , turning your nose up at the lingerie.

Emma raised her eyebrows at you, completely taken aback by your response. "Alright then, okay. No funny business while you're away," she said, trying not to laugh while you quickly disappeared into the bathroom to pack your toiletries and escape the conversation.

Just as you were in the bathroom however, Emma grabbed the lingerie and shuffed it into the suitcase, right beneath one of your favorite jumpers, just in case you changed your mind.  "Okay, I think that's everything now. Thanks for helping me Emma," you called out, emerging from the bathroom and taking one more look through the room. Mara was still quietly playing on the floor, seemingly unbothered by the chaos around her.

"It's no problem, happy to help. Plus, it's not like I have anything else to do today. I am sick of my folks after moving back in with them. They have been a nightmare to deal with," Emma continued. Her words echoed off the walls of the bedroom, a testament to the pent-up frustration simmering beneath her surface.

"Are they still fighting?" you asked with some concern, seeing how her parents have had a troubled relationship with each other.

" I wish I could say no, but unfortunately, yes. The same old arguments about my dad not being present enough for them or about his drinking sometimes. It's like a broken record. I really wish something would change," Emma admitted, her voice tinged with sadness and frustration. 

"I know this might not be of much help long term, but you could stay here if you like, especially while I am away, and even after I come back, if you don't mind some sleepless nights of course,"  you offered, hoping that this might alleviate some of the stress that Emma was dealing with.

Emma's eyes lit up at the offer, but then they clouded with guilt. "I can't impose on you like that, Y/N. You have Mara to take care of now and having me stay here would only make things more complicated. I don't want to intrude," she said, biting her bottom lip nervously.

"You wouldn't be intruding at all," you assured her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I insist. It would be great to have some company, and you wouldn't have to deal with your parents' arguments all the time. Plus, I know how much you love Mara and me of course," you winked and Emma hesitated, looking conflicted for a moment before ultimately giving in to the idea. "Alright, I'll take you up on the offer," she said, finally relenting. "But I'll contribute in any way I can.

I'll help with the groceries, or cook dinner, or even babysit Mara so you can go out and have some time for yourself," Emma offered, a sincere expression on her face and, with that, you found yourself a temporary roommate. 

***

The following day, your new roommate even drove you and Mara to the airport

, This was the first time you were flying alone with Mara, even if it was only for a short trip. As the plane took off and you felt the familiar sensation of weightlessness, Mara gripped your hand tightly, a nervous grin on her face. You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a wave of protectiveness and love wash over you.

Cillian was waiting for you at the arrivals gate, a huge grin on his face when you emerged, bundled up against the cold Liverpool air.  He had managed to take half the day off, rescheduling some of his scenes to another day, which was something that wasn't easy to do. 

"Hey there, munchkin," he said, kneeling down to Mara's level and giving her a gentle hug. Mara giggled and wriggled, calling out 'dada', in her stroller, clearly thrilled to see her dad.

"Hey," you responded, feeling a little shy all of a sudden. You weren't sure why - you and Cillian had been on good terms now. But something about the way he was looking at you, with those intense blue eyes and that little crooked smile, made your heart skip a beat. Or maybe it was the haircut which, to you, looked fabulous on him. 

"Hey you," he responded, his voice soft and gentle, before giving you a hug as well. "Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it," he  smiled at you, his hand lingering on the small of your back as he guided you towards the carousel to pick up your luggage. The gesture was comforting and familiar, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of relief wash over you as you realized how much you had missed Cillian's presence in your life with all that chaos between you and him having been away filming. 

As you navigated through the bustling airport, you couldn't help but notice how many people were staring at Cillian. It wasn't surprising, of course - he was incredibly attractive, with his Tommy haircut and chiseled jawline. Plus, he was rather famous obviously, which made you feel a little more self-conscious than usual.

"So, where to first? The hotel or the park with Mara?" Cillian asked as you made your way towards the baggage claim, Mara babbling happily in her stroller.

"Why don't we head to the hotel first and then go from there? That way Mara can take a little nap," you suggested, giving him a grateful smile.

Cillian nodded in agreement, "That sounds like a good idea, although I don't think the unit will be ready until 3 o'clock," he mentioned before grabbing two of the bags and leading the way out of the airport and towards the taxi stand. 

"That's fine, she can have a snooze on your bed. We just need to watch her," you told him  as you settled into the taxi, buckling Mara in beside you.

"I suppose that will work," he said before giving Mara a kiss on her forehead.  In that moment, you felt a surge of profound emotion, a warm, fuzzy feeling of happiness and contentment mixed with a dash of anxiety and uncertainty. You didn't know how this reunion with Cillian would play out, but you hoped that you could put aside your differences and make the most of the time you had together, again, for Mara's sake.

After the taxi dropped you off at the hotel and apartment building, Cillian led the way to the reception desk, where he enquired about the unit for you and, much to his surprise, the receptionist had some bad news.

"Uhm, I am so sorry Mr Murphy, but I actually left a message for you an hour ago as it appears that we are overbooked due to the change in schedule on BBC's other studio show,"  she said apologetically.

"What do you mean you're overbooked? I booked this apartment last week and you confirmed the availability," Cillian replied, clearly annoyed at the news, but remaining polite. 

"I understand, and I apologize, but it appears that we had an internal mix-up and double-booked the apartment," she explained.

Cillian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there. "What are our options?"

"Well, we do have a few other apartments available at our other hotels, on Banks Street and Maitland Road, but it's about half an hour from here,"  the receptionist said, looking uncomfortable at the prospect of disappointing Cillian.

Cillian looked at you, annoyed but also resigned, but you immediately shook your head.

"No, that would mean less time for Mara with you. It's totally impractical," you told him, seeing how his filming schedule was going to be so busy and neither him nor Mara should be thrown out of their schedules in order to travel this distance every day.

"Can't you put an extra bed into his apartment? I am happy to sleep in the living room with Mara," you suggested to the receptionist, but Cillian shook his head.

"Well, let's check it out and see if we can come up with an idea, okay? It will be fine," you told Cillian, trying to reassure him with a soft smile and, sure enough, you came up with a solution after Cillian took you to his floor.

His apartment was small, but the couch was reasonably sized, so your idea was an obvious one. 

"Well, Mara can sleep in a cot in the living room with me and I will sleep on the couch. Easy," you told Cillian, trying to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal.

Cillian's jaw clenched for a moment and his eyes narrowed, "You're not sleeping on the couch, Y/N. I can."

You shook your head, "No, you're filming until late every night, you need your sleep. Despite, I don't mind. I have nowhere else to be during the day so I can catch up on any sleep I might be missing out on, and it will be a great week for Mara, seeing you every day," you smiled at him, but he shook his head again.

"No, how about we put a cot on the bedroom, and you sleep in the bed instead. I will take the couch. I insist,"  Cillian said, leaving no room for argument.

You sighed, knowing that it was futile to argue with him. Cillian could be incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be, and this was one of those times. "Okay, fine. We'll put a cot in the bedroom then," you confirmed, and he quickly made the call to reception. 

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[arewedoneyet]

men's folio article via mens-folio.com/my

With buttery vocals, princely features and the penmanship of a lovelorn poet, Jeff Satur is about to sing his way into your heart — one story at a time.

What makes a good story? And what makes a good storyteller? For music savant Jeff Worakamol Satur, these are the two questions that have kept him on his feet the past decade, fuelling his fearless desire to know, love and showcase his most authentic self to the world.

Magnetic in look, sound and craft, Jeff has managed to dabble in multiple genres of music — and play various instruments — without losing his signature, velvety sound. While he did skyrocket to fame portraying Kim on the TV show KinnPorsche: The Series in 2022, Jeff singing its theme song, “Why Don’t You Stay,” was what converted many casual onlookers into full-time Jeff fans (or SATURDAYs). They are now hooked onto his buttery vocals — which not only eloquently and evocatively sing in Thai, English and Chinese — but Jeff is also the very person who produced and wrote the stories in these tracks.

With ancestral roots tracing back to China, India and Italy, it is no wonder that the Phuket native navigates expression and interaction in these vastly different languages without losing their nuances. It is the openness to embrace diversity in cultures and ideas that his fans continue to grow in numbers from all corners of the world.

Since starting his personal studio — Studio On Saturn — at the end of 2022, Jeff has held concerts all over the region, most recently completing his Space Shuttle No. 8 Asia Tour in April to celebrate the release of his first full album. His appearances on music variety shows like China’s Call Me By Fire Season 3 and, most recently, Chuang Asia: Thailand — a Thai idol survival show spin-off based on the Chuang franchise in China — have also appealed to fans in a new way. His hold over both seniors and juniors in the music industry is a testament to the piercing allure he has that transcends age and gender.

Then there is his relationship with Valentino, which comes to a surging point in this interview’s accompanying visuals — each party egging one another in their courageous pursuit of new, creative frontiers.

This is not the end. There is still so much more power that Jeff has yet to harness from stories — which communicate and entertain without the boundaries of time and space, and have decidedly become a grand purpose that he is working to fulfil. From music, the big screen, and finally the horizon, Men’s Folio sits down with the prodigious artiste to discover what makes him tick and perhaps what kind of tale he would charm us into next.

Hi Jeff! How have you been?
I’ve been very good. Fantastic, actually.

We noticed you have said goodbye to your signature long hair. Why did you decide to cut it?
I had to change my hairstyle for a movie I was filming. I also had to change many other things about myself, including how I spoke, reacted and moved — so much so that I had to attend workshops. So, I thought changing my image would help me immerse myself in the role.

Congratulations on completing the Space Shuttle No.8 Asia tour! You have mentioned before that going on a solo tour has been your dream for the longest time — now that both your debut album and solo tour are done, how are you feeling?
It’s a pretty weird feeling — I just want to do more and more. I wanted to tour more and create more songs. It’s a strange feeling to me. It’s more fun to me now, especially since I’ve completed it. It’s like the end of one dream is leading to the start of another.

What is something new about yourself as an artiste or person you learned from going on tour? It must’ve been tiring, but seeing all that support (from guest artistes or close friends attending) must have been very empowering too.
What I’ve learned along the way is to be present with the audience. They give you so many different experiences and learnings from place to place. The show is never the same, even if the song and setting are. Everything is different. For me, I like to be there with them; I give my all and soak in the moment from my fans. Being in the moment without a script really pushed me to be a better artiste, and I believe it made me a better human being.

We have to talk about about your first on-screen mentoring stint on Chuang Asia, especially after that “Dum Dum” performance. How was it like mentoring so many aspiring artistes-to-be at once?
Guiding and mentoring new artistes is a dream that I only just recently realised (I had). It means a lot to be there, to guide and watch these artistes where they are now, doing things they previously couldn’t. I just have so many feelings. I’m so proud. There are many things in the industry that might break you along the way. While I don’t know it all, I hope what I’ve experienced in my career can be, in some way, helpful to them in their journeys. I hope that with my stories, they can break their boundaries and avoid the same traps they might find along the way. I hope that they not only become great artistes but also become better humans, stay positive in the industry, and are able to create and find themselves along the way.

Did this experience help you reflect — in any way — on your artiste career so far? In retrospect, would you redo anything?
It reminded me of my childhood. It was a time when I had so much passion for music, and seeing all the high-intensity passion in them brought me back to that time. It freshened me up. I wouldn’t change anything because I love the way things are now. Changing the past would mean changing the present, and I love where I’m at and what I’m doing right now.

What do you feel is the most important trait that any aspiring performing artiste should have?
Every artiste is different, but all artistes should try to be themselves. For me, I want to be true to myself, to be able to discover my own direction, create my own work, and be brave enough to show that to the world.

What about in a song? Everyone likes to ask questions about your views on music because your personal touch does not escape any part of your music’s creative process — from melody-making, lyric-writing to the final performance. What is your definition of a good song?
“Good” in itself is a subjective word, and a good song, to me, can mean something very different to another. You can love jazz; you can love metal. So long as you’re satisfied with what you have released, be able to listen to it back and forth, and even enjoy that track after 10 years — that’s what I define as a good song.

Regardless of shape or form, good music should always capture the essence of a story, one’s feelings, or who the artiste is at their core.

Does any existing song come to mind? Either one you are proud of or one from an artiste you look up to.
The first song that comes to mind is “Endless Rain” by Yoshiki Hayashi. I’m not too sure if he wrote it when his mom or dad passed away. But it’s a song written with lots of emotion, and it very clearly shows his style of music. It’s just very Yoshiki.

I have many songs that I am proud of — actually, every song. But if I had to pick one, it might be “Dum Dum”. I had a lot of bad feelings bottled inside me when I wrote the song, and I really wanted to release that toxicity from inside of me. It sounds as angry as I felt when I wrote it, so listening back and feeling that anger gives me satisfaction. I think I wrote it in an honest and heartfelt manner that was true to my emotions at the time.

In your previous interview with us, you talked about the different charms (and challenges) that come with writing lyrics in Thai and English. Your debut album has both English originals and English translations of your Thai songs — which song’s story or specific lyrics are you most proud of putting together, and why?
Like I said, I love and am proud of all my songs. But if I had to pick one, it would be “Black Tie”. In that track, I had to relive many memories and feelings. Honestly, even at 29, I still feel like a kid. Until today, I still address everyone around me with “P” — how people in Thailand show respect to those older than them — because l feel I have a lot more growing up to do, and that spirit to learn is still alive inside me.

As a kid, I was always told to do this and that, learn this and study that. In retrospect, those who ended up following these instructions all somehow turned out the same. I really don’t like that. I don’t want all these rules and boundaries to limit who we can be, and who I could be. That’s why I chose to sing about this in “Black Tie”, using the concept of the suit to talk about breaking those boundaries, tying in with the freedom and individuality that the Valentino collection at the time championed and empowered its wearers to embody.

Are there any stories you are looking to tell with your next music release?
It’s a secret. You’ll know when you know.

More on your love for story-telling — which seems to be a common thread that links all the creative works you have released so far together — what do you think makes a good story?
All stories are worth telling, even those without a happy ending. What makes a good story is how you tell it. Capturing the essence or feeling of the story and delivering that to the listeners is more important. You know it’s good if the listeners can experience the story with you,

You mentioned in an interview that if you were not an artiste today, you would be a writer. These days, it is hard to have an original voice, yet yours (both literal and figurative) is quite luminous in its own way. How do you maintain that voice despite all the noise?
I don’t think an original voice is something that can be created. An original voice can only come from trusting your instincts, being honest in your work, and staying truthful to your feelings. Only then can you create work that represents you. You should never lie to yourself.

And more importantly, never lose that kid inside of you. That’s who is creating the all the art, instead of you.

More importantly, how do you rest? Are there any go-to activities (or non-activities) you like to do to return to yourself and rest your voice?
I actually have a lot of time to rest. Then again, I also don’t feel like my work encompasses “working”. It’s also my vacation. Sure, even when I’m actually on vacation, I have to think about work. But I don’t mind it; I love what I do.

If we’re talking about physical rest, I prioritise resting my voice. I used to sing during my free time, but I try not to use it that often now to be ready when I actually have to sing. I think it’s important to know how to control and use my voice in the right way.

For those who are only discovering your music today, can you compile a three-track introduction to Jeff Satur’s playlist and explain why?
“Dum Dum”, “Fade”, and “Loop”. “Dum Dum” shows my darker side because it’s a release of some pent-up frustration and anger. “Fade” is more romantic — it shows you how I experience love and what I am like in a relationship, and I try to tell that story in a more emotional and evocative manner. Then we have “Loop”, a more introspective exploration of who I am. Listening to these three songs will give you a good idea of the breadth of my personality and style as an artiste.

In recent years, you have been bolder with your style. How would you describe your current relationship with fashion? Has it changed over the years?
I think fashion is about doing what you love, wearing what you love, and enjoying what you see in the mirror. Every morning before I go out, I feel like I should love what I see in the mirror — regardless of what other people think. Your body is a canvas, and whatever colour or pattern you choose to put on yourself that day is a form of self-expression you should enjoy.

Over the years, I’ve definitely become more confident about trying on things out of my comfort zone. I used to be scared of wearing certain things because of what others might think, but I’m no longer as shy. I’m just breaking one boundary at a time.

What values of Maison Valentino does Jeff Satur — the artiste — embody?
I think Valentino and I have many things in common. Fundamentally, we both embrace the act of constant reinvention and enjoy the challenge of finding new ground, and there’s no better expression of this chemistry and kindred spirit than the soundtrack I created with and for Valentino. The brand is quite sentimental and romantic, and my body of work doesn’t stray far from these sensibilities — especially if you listen to the three tracks I mentioned earlier. A valiant kind of courage persists throughout, and I feel like that syncs up nicely with what Valentino stands for as a brand.

What is next on your cards? Will we get to sees Jeff Satur, the actor again soon?
Without a doubt. In fact, more and more because actor Jeff Satur is an important part of me, and there are a lot of upcoming projects that I’m passionate about and very excited to share with the world.

Last but not least, you have said before that any interaction or activities you do for SATURDAYs feels like an everlasting dream. Is there anything you want to say to your fans right now?
Always be happy. Yes, sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes the world isn’t as beautiful as the ones we read about in our favourite fairytales. Focus on the good and avoid the bad. Surround yourself with good people. Never give up on yourself. You’re beautiful, you’re great, and you’re you — and no one else can do what you do. Even I can’t do what you do. Everybody has something unique they can do. Appreciate and love what you do. Follow your dreams, and I’ll follow mine. Someday, we’ll sing together again.

[trademarkblue]

Hi, Did you read it? 🤣 https://www.hellomagazine.com/film/714325/the-handmaids-tale-season-6-predictions-for-final-season-of-hit-show/

I hadn’t read this, but unfortunately I think I agree about Janine 😩

Deep disagree about Nick though!! Spoilers for The Testaments under the cut!!

He has that security blanket because he’s mentioned in The Testaments as being deep underground and also as still being alive in the end. I guess we can’t be sure they’ll stick to that, but holy shit I hope they won’t fuck with that particular canon detail!!

Also shocking they think Hannah will reunite with Luke and June considering TT lol.

I guess we never know how much they are going to follow the book, but that seems like an extreme change unless they completely change the kids and have TT be about a completely different family… which a small part of me would be fine with and would embrace ONLY IF Nick gets out of Gilead and does actually end up with June and Hannah and Holly in Hawaii. Hold up, that’s a lot of Hs lol… and it’s also such a pipe dream, to quote the man himself, that there’s no way they will give us that.

I go back and forth on every detail of what to expect! But honestly I don’t do a lot of “real” predictions in my head, because it just sets me up to have expectations/regrets. I’m both looking forward to S6 and dreading it if they are gonna mess it up! 🤞

[sneezemonster15]

Hi

was sasuke serious when he wanted to kill naruto at orochimaru hideout?

did he wanted eliminate team 7 with kirin?

and I saw some ss shippers claim that he didn't hug naruto, it was just a foreshortening...

😑

No it is not foreshortening.

Hi. Foreshortening is an art technique where an object or a figure is rendered from a certain angle, usually an unusual angle, which highlights its distortion; it's basically a visual perspective. Kishi certainly is very fond of rendering his drawings from weird angles. He uses other techniques as well, like fish eye lens technique, which is also used for visual distortion, it can be used to highlight an expression or a mood, or to establish emphasis or to create an eerie/menacing effect. It used to be quite popular in films at one point of time, it's not anymore. They are used for very specific scenes nowadays, and aren't as ubiquitous as they were once. Anyway. What would be a good example of foreshortening and fish eye lens? This.

Don't get tangled with SS's delusions and false information. They will say anything to sound smart but ultimately, it makes them sound really dumb.

Now look at this.

Where is the foreshortening? Listen to me carefully, don't doubt yourself so much, trust your instincts, they are there for a reason and Kishi's work only encourages them, any good storytelling does. SS will always be wrong. I have not seen even a single one of them say a single rational thing YET. Just brand it on your brain and enjoy the manga as it is meant to be.

Foreshortening is about visual perspective but it doesn't change the actual action. It has nothing to do with that. It's only a way of looking at something. Sasuke is very obviously embracing Naruto. His hand is Holding Naruto's shoulder and he is close enough to be able to whisper directly in his ear while their bodies are clearly touching properly.

Was Sasuke serious about killing Naruto in their reunion scene?

Now what's important to notice about this reunion is that Sasuke didn't go looking for Naruto. Naruto came looking for him. If Naruto hadn't tried to get in Sasuke's way, Sasuke won't have attacked him. Just like vote one. If Naruto hadn't followed Sasuke with ALL his might, Sasuke would have left Konoha without confronting Naruto. Which means that Sasuke only feels pushed to 'cut Naruto down' when Naruto waylays him. Because seeing Naruto coming after him does funny things to Sasuke. All his intentions about getting strong and following his ambition take a backseat. Seeing Naruto weakens his resolve and he tends to lose grip on his composure. When he sees the person he loves despite his better judgment, he tends to make all the wrong decisions, he becomes a self saboteur.

These couple of chapters were funny and kind of bittersweet because ONCE again, we get to see how Sasuke just CANNOT help himself when it comes to Naruto. And these few chapters only help to underline the fact that Sasuke simply is frustrated, not so much with Naruto, but his own resolve when he sees his 'one and only....friend.' Lol. It's really a pattern with him, like I have written here.

Anyway, let's get into the meat of it.

So Team Kakashi arrives on the scene and Sasuke notices Naruto and his gaze is stuck on him.

So damn much emphasis. Right away, the reader's attention is monopolized and MADE to focus on the tension between Naruto and Sasuke because of the bubbling anticipation. We know how they separated at the end of vote one, and we know it was very painful for both of them. We have so many questions. Are they answered? Yep.

Look at the visual language. They don't have to say anything and yet the reader can viscerally feel the tension between them. Naruto's angst and yearning. Sasuke's more stoic features frozen on Naruto's visage like a magnet. Kishi certainly knows how to render roaring emotions into the characters without having them say a single word. That's just a testament to how good an artist he is.

So after Sasuke acknowledges the presence of the team, he proceeds to mock Sai who has just tried to assassinate him, and whom he correctly interprets as his stand in, by stating how he wanted to protect the bond between him and Naruto. To which, Sai responds by saying that he has changed his mind about killing Sasuke because of Naruto. Naruto reminded Sai of his bond with Shin, which brought about his change and he decides to do his own thinking and not follow rules blindly.

And this affects Sasuke. Look at his face. Sasuke knows Naruto has that effect on people, because he experienced it himself. We only get to know this in chapter 698, but Sasuke clearly admits that seeing Naruto always reminded him of his bonds with his family, just the same as how Naruto reminded Sai of his important bond, Shin. So when Sai tries to bargain with Sasuke about protecting Naruto and Sakura's (lol) bonds with Sasuke, Sasuke tells him that was exactly the reason he cut them off. Meaning, he tried to get rid of anything, or at least attempted to, that came in the way of his goals. Which is exactly why Sasuke says this.

That "personal ties cause confusion....and make you weak."

He tells Sai that he has cut off those bonds and he only has the bond of hatred now, the hatred he has for Itachi.

The truth is that he is not entirely accurate in his statement, heh. And Naruto catches it.

He tried to kill Naruto in vote one but couldn't do it. But regardless, he claims to Sai that he cut those bonds off. Well, he cut them off with Kakashi and Sakura. But you see, he never cut it off with Naruto.

Which is exactly why, Naruto is PUSHED to say this.

Naruto righteously asks him if he wanted to really cut off those bonds, why didn't he kill him off at the valley of the end? He certainly could have. Very easily too, Naruto was unconscious. Naruto also knows that Sasuke couldn't do it because he was afraid. Meaning, he knows Sasuke didn't want to lose Naruto because he cared for him, he couldn't bear to lose Naruto. And look at Sasuke's face when Naruto very emphatically and angrily screams the sentiment out. He is perplexed, obviously a little vulnerable.

He switches his self preservation mode on to balance it out (Sasuke doesn't like to appear vulnerable) by acting stoic, and so he tells him that he spared Naruto on a whim, but Naruto isn't really buying it. Now, we know that Sasuke is lying about the whim part. It's ooc for him. And anyway, it makes no sense.

However the deed is done. A crack has appeared on Sasuke's tough exterior, Naruto has made it happen. Like always. Heh.

And so what happens. Sasuke glides down to hug his precious.

And then he flirts with him. Yes. Flirts.

Sasuke - Didn't you say your dream was to become hokage? What are you doing here following after me when you could have used this time training for it?

Subtext - Do you like me or something Naruto?

Naruto - How can I be a hokage if I can't even save a 'friend'?

Sasuke - Pff

Subtext - Lol. You are such a child Naruto.

When Sasuke glides down and embraces Naruto, it registers itself remarkably in the reader's mind. Why? Because Sasuke has already been established as a person who isn't touchy feely. In part one, it's only Naruto he finds himself comfortable with, physically. He likes his personal space otherwise. Why would he willingly hug Naruto and speak like some femme fatale? Kishi obviously wasn't trying to portray this action of his as platonic. Certainly not in addition with all the flirting.

Did Sasuke want to kill Naruto?

Well he never wanted to kill Naruto for the sake of killing Naruto. He only attempted it because Naruto caused his goals to get blurry. He fogged up his plans for revenge. Sasuke cannot think straight when Naruto is around. Hehe. It happens when something that you want stands directly in opposition to something/someone you like.

Regardless, he didn't come at Naruto to kill at this point. If he wanted to attack Naruto, he could have efficiently done it in other ways. Don't look anywhere else. All the pertinent information is in these couple of chapters themselves.

This is a Sasuke who has trained with Oro for two and a half years. Who knows all the ins and outs of fighting techniques. Look how he analyses and handles Sai's and Yamato's fighting techniques in a matter of fact way. What impression and information does it give the reader? That Sasuke is skilled, and confident as fuck too. Hell, the reason why Yamato gets skewered by Sasuke is because Sakura tries to show off and attacks Sasuke. He stoically proceeds to attack in return. And had it not been for Yamato, Sakura would have been a goner. Like always, someone needs to rescue her. Naruto, Kakashi, Yamato, Obito, Lee...heheheh.

But when with Naruto, he makes a whole show of unsheathing his katana, taking his time, as if savoring these moments with Naruto, and as expected, is stopped.

He just wanted to feel close to Naruto. Feel his presence closely. He has met him after two and half years after all. Remember how crushed he looked being separated from Naruto after vote one? Why wouldn't he want to get close to Naruto? After all this time of not seeing and missing his usuratonkachi?

He could have chidori streamed him right away, he wouldn't even have needed his katana to begin with. Like he did later to Sai and Naruto. Naruto was obviously incapacitated by it. But he chose not to. He chidori streams both Sai and Naruto, stabs Yamato, and then stares and keeps staring at a struggling Naruto. And then proceeds to enter his mind space where he meets kyuubi for the first time. He makes the kyuubi retreat. He, who is so analytical about his moves and he who is so thorough about keeping a close guard on the enemy, just cannot help but look at Naruto. And keep looking.

And what happens? The same thing that happens everytime when Naruto is around him. His concentration gets compromised. His goals get sabotaged. His intentions and rational thinking leave for lunch break.

And this is what frustrates him. No really. It does. He can't even get a straight answer from Naruto as to why he keeps following him, getting in his way, knowing that Naruto's reasons simply don't come off as commensurate with what he does, but Sasuke nevertheless gets embroiled in his feelings for Naruto and it gets his goat. He loathes when it happens, he loathes his own weakness, but it happens.

When Sasuke evades Yamato's wood style jutsu attack, he is again asked by an anguished Naruto to rethink his plans, as Oro would sooner or later take over his body. Sasuke has had it. So he emphatically tells him that if being strong enough to kill Itachi meant he would need to let Oro take his life over and over, he would do it and that's the end of it.

Yamato proceeds to attack Sasuke, but Sasuke has really had it. He defeated Sai so easily when Sai tried to attack him, he incapacitated Naruto. He even managed to subdue Yamato. But all in vain, because Naruto makes him weak. He was subdued by Yamato in return when he lost his concentration because it was fixed on his dobe. And he cannot be weak. Not if he wants to accomplish his goals. Yamato saying anything wouldn't have this effect on Sasuke. Why would it? He doesn't even really know him.

So Sasuke decides that he is going to finally take care of it. By legit attempting to kill Naruto. And if need be, the other team members if they interfere, which they obviously would have. Sasuke is done with his ties with Konoha. And he wants to simply erase them. Well, not with Naruto, as we come to know later. But in this scene, he certainly seems to make up his mind finally but Oro arrives at the nick of time and convinces Sasuke not to. And that's that. He disappears with Oro and Kabuto, while still staring at Naruto. CANNOT take his eyes off him, he can't.

It's pretty clear in these chapters that Sasuke is damn skilled, perfectly analytical and superlatively confident and if he really wanted to attack Naruto, he could have done it right away. He is obviously capable of it, like he did to Naruto later on with chidori stream. Or he could have used his katana efficiently like he did with Sakura who got blocked by Yamato which resulted in Yamato getting skewered. You don't even need to go where Sasuke used his chidori spear, which he used to attack Oro and Killer Bee.

The context of these chapters makes it clear as crystal.

[esther-dot]

I feel really bad for the originator of the Ashford theory, reading those posts you screencapped. It's not a 'crack theory' (unless they're putting it down because Jonsas took a serious hold of it), since structural foreshadowing is a basic storytelling tool. Hiding poetry in history, which seems a past-time GRRM particularly enjoys--- it's not just there to be there, but to lesson us in reading the past and make us understand the current story more deeply.

We should be confident in our analyses, regardless of whether we share a ship in common (I am do believe in Jonsa, but this goes for everyone), because storytelling can generally be trusted to be intentional. Anybody who wants to act like being incurious is more intellectually justifiable because it's less emotionally fraught is not worth spending time on. It is actually disappointing when stories are not considered and thoughtful (which is not a testament to so-called 'complexity'; The Little Prince is considered and thoughtful)--- fault in reading too much into things usually lay in perspective, less in doubt of substance.

Then again, Originator of Ashord Theory being possessive as claimant probably points more to dismissing it as crack because other people have taken ahold of it in a way they didn't like. If I am perfectly honest, were it not them having noticed it, someone else would have later (and someone else on Reddit did).

It's exactly the sort of thing I look for when I am engaging in a story because it is a tool I see used often. It was what attracted me to Jonsa, not that I was looking for evidence.

(about this ask)

The issue definitely wasn’t a lack of confidence in their own reading, they’re a tumblr BNF! I think Jonsas have written so much about it and so convincingly, it’s become widely viewed as a Jonsa theory and eclipsed the original intent which is their problem with it. Sometime ago someone shared an AltShift video here (a YouTube BNF), and he had included the Ashford Tourney as evidence for Jonsa, so I do think the goal of the blogger now labeling it “crack” is to detract from the Jonsa of it/for shipping reasons, not because they don’t believe in their own work.

As for the broader idea, I certainly agree that pre canon characters and events are written to add depth to the canon events. We can all expect that and look for parallels and contrasts with assurance that they are conversing with each other. It seems to me that every part of the fandom attempts that in some way, we simply come to different conclusions about what those things mean. I can look at something and accept a Jonsa interpretation but also understand, there’s another factor here too. And while I agree that many things are intentional in ASOIAF, I’m also aware that things can subconsciously influence and slip into a work. I recently watched this clip of Spielberg being told, he didn’t recognize this on his own, that he had included his parents love story in a film. Anyone might think, it had to be deliberate, but it wasn’t!

So, not saying anyone should be less confident, I just think it’s good to be aware that after a parallel is recognized, our interpretation of it is where we can all take off in different directions. For example, Jonnel and Sansa is perhaps the most beloved Jonsa foreshadowing (if it isn’t the Ashford Tourney 😅), and I absolutely think it’s groundwork for canon events. The question isn’t if it is, but how. Will it be a parallel, only, the point of the marriage this go around is to right a wrong? Give the girl her home back? (If say, Robb’s Will is recognized). I’ve questioned that simply because it seems like a big task to get everyone on board with Jon being legitimate and becoming their Lord and/or their King only to have them then immediately turn around and all accept he’s actually a Targ and will marry his “sister.��� I wouldn’t be mad if that’s what Martin did, but when I think about how much agency he likes to give non POV characters, I’m a little skeptical he’d pull that turnaround off.

So then I think, well, maybe the idea is that unlike Jonnel, Jon will refuse Winterfell again and insist it is Sansa’s again only to ultimately be rewarded in the end by marrying her when she has the power to choose, and she chooses him? People have been very outspoken about how dumb they think the idea of Sansa being QitN is, and maybe that’s too much of a leap for the North because Martin does like his realism, but considering all the female heirs talk going on, Martin is certainly going to say something there, and Jon will have some complicating factors that might make Sansa more favorable to people.

Basically, Jon is a good person, he’ll do right by the Starks, is that the entire point? Look at the way the older generation of men treated women, this generation will be better? Or will Martin use the extraordinary circumstances to benefit Sansa / female heirs? Create an entirely new normal for the North? The story will talk to itself, but what exactly is it saying? That we can endlessly debate!

[yoshihashismattebum]

9 People I'd Like to Get to Know Better

Thanks @sycamoretrees for the tag!

Last song: I'm going to cheat and go for a whole album. I've been really enjoying Where's My Utopia? by Yard Act recently: deceptively clever stream-of-consciousness lyrics that walk the line between wry irony and passionate sincerity, all set to post-punk beats that you can dance to. (Shout-out to HELLMODE by Jeff Rosenstock and Sorry for the Late Reply by Sløtface too – both brilliant albums as well)

And while I'm breaking the rules, I might as well mention my wrestling playlist that I've been working on! It's a really eclectic mix of songs that remind me of various different things in wrestling – feuds, characters, general vibes etc. It's not finished yet (I'd like to organise it thematically and write some annotations to explain my thinking behind the choices), but maybe you'll find something on there you like!

Favourite colour: it's a tie between blue and purple (especially lilac). Also currently enjoying the yellow-green of the new leaves that are appearing at this time of year!

Currently watching: wrestling, surprise surprise. I'm just about keeping up with AEW and completely failing to keep up with NJPW. Other than that, I've not really been in a big TV/film mood recently. Although I did see Dune Part 2 the other week, which I thought was fantastic. My partner and I have also become slightly addicted to watching Gab Smolders play Nancy Drew games on YouTube.

Spicy/savoury/sweet/(sour)/(salty)/[umami]: since @sycamoretrees set a precedent of adding options, I'm going to go with another write-in candidate: my beloved umami. I am a Marmite fiend and will eat just about anything if it has soy sauce/miso/strong cheese etc in it. I enjoy pretty much all of the above tastes though, especially when combined in interesting ways. If I had to choose between the original options, I probably lean towards savoury; I have extremely strong opinions on crisps.

Relationship status: I've been with my partner for almost 11 years now :) (While I'm here, go check out her fantastic art and tabletop RPG writing at @mortphilippa! Obviously I'm biased, but she's super talented!)

Obsessions:

Too many to mention them all, but here's a selection:

Wrestling (of course): as well as my usual AEW & NJPW, I've watched some CMLL recently, which has been fun. I also recently reached new levels of nerd by emulating King of Colosseum 2, a Japanese wrestling game from 2004, on PC. It's good! Holds up well!

Tabletop role-playing games – an ever-present obsession for me. I've just wrapped up a 4+ year D&D campaign that I was GMing, which is an odd feeling, but I'm so proud of the story we told together. I'm also currently GMing/writing stuff for Cy_Borg, Liminal Horror and Brindlewood Bay, among others! There are tons more I want to run though – too many games, not enough time! (I am always up for conversations about TTRPGs by the way – I could talk forever about them! Hit me up if you wanna chat!)

Puzzle games: more of a recent obsession. I continue to do the Wordle every day, but I've recently been enjoying Connections (sorting words into categories), Heardle Decades (identifying songs from the intros), and Squeezy (a weird game about fitting letters into other words). I'm also going through a bit of a point-and-click adventure phase. Really enjoying Unavowed by Dave Gilbert currently. I'm not usually an urban fantasy fan, so it's a testament to how good the writing is that I'm loving it as much as I am.

Spring flowers: spring has well and truly sprung here in the UK, and I am loving all of the flowers that are popping up everywhere! There's nothing that brings me joy quite like going for a walk and doing some plant-spotting (I'm trying to get better at identifying plants this year! I'm mostly reliant on Google Lens and a bit of inherited knowledge from my Grandma currently)

Oops, that was A Lot! Enough about me. Time to tag some other people! (Only if you feel like it though! Absolutely zero pressure)

IRL friends (I know you all very well already, but I always love hearing what you're up to 💙): @thewaythroughthewoods, @thepenultimaterolo and @mortphilippa (and @unpairedbracket if you fancy it!)

Some Tumblr people wot seem cool (sorry if we've not interacted much – I've not been on Tumblr a lot recently and I'm bad at starting conversations!): @norfkid, @sybilius, @dansedan, @unlikelywrestlingfan, @punkrockpariah

[captainwidowspring]

🤨🤨🤨

I definitely agree, it really is wild that some people actually think that Nico was some meek innocent victim, or that John's reaction was unreasonable. I guess it's a testament to how effective the show's anti-John-Walker propaganda is, for it is hard to see how else so many people could become convinced of such a clear untruth. Indeed, it's similar to how in Civil War, another propaganda-heavy film, some people actually think Steve was the one who attacked Tony in Siberia, despite the fact that Tony was the sole aggressor. And heck, the efficacy of the anti-John-Walker propaganda is further demonstrated shortly after Nico's death; many people think for some reason that John started the fight for the shield, when it was clearly Bucky, and John literally said "You don't want to do this," when it became clear a fight was imminent. Propaganda is really no joke.

Perhaps the most frustrating thing about people acting like Nico was an innocent victim is the fact that he is particularly guilty. From the way many people talk about Nico, one would think he was a random civilian—indeed, the person cited above actually implies that he was a "defenseless noncombatant"—but he was literally a hostile enemy attacker. Now, @captainpikeachu nicely explained why all the Flagsmashers are blameworthy: "if a group of people lured you and your loved ones to a location just so they could kill you and instead got your loved ones killed, does it really matter who physically did the killing when they’re all there to help?" But Nico was much more involved in what happened than most of the other Flagsmashers were.

First of all, Nico played a very active role in the attempted murder of John. Minutes before the tables were turned, Nico had caught John and held him helpless specifically so that Karli could stab him to death. Nico knew full well what he was doing, and he did it deliberately. So it's not like Nico was just standing around chilling, he was actively trying to cause harm.

And this supposed innocent victim very nearly succeeded in taking John's life. It's a really good thing that John ended up deciding to take the serum—he had been agonizing over whether to do it—because this allowed him to confront the Flagsmashers on a somewhat more even playing field. Otherwise, Nico would have been able to murder John himself; he wouldn't have even needed Karli's help. It was only because John was able to so effectively fight back that Nico had to focus his attention on subduing John instead of being able to immediately go for the kill.

And indeed, the fact that the serum helped make it possible for John to hold out against the Flagsmashers for so long is the only reason that Lemar was able to rescue him, as Lemar saved John at literally the last possible second. It really looked for a moment there like John was a goner; that is why Karli got so mad when she was thwarted. If Lemar had been any slower, or John had been imperiled any sooner, Lemar wouldn't have reached John in time: and John's blood would then have been on Nico's hands, probably literally as well as figuratively. So the serum is a major reason why Nico's attempt to get John killed was unsuccessful, but even with that and the presence of Sam and Bucky, John barely survived the attempt on his life.

And second of all, Nico is also directly responsible for Lemar's death. Many people take Nico's cry of "It wasn't me!" at face value, and accept it as the truth, but it is quite thoroughly false. Nico might not have been the one to strike the killing blow against Lemar, but the fact remains that Lemar would not have been murdered without Nico's contributions. Indeed, Nico's attack on John is the reason why the murder attempt bore any fruit at all, because John had been doing a pretty good job of frustrating the Flagsmashers' assassination attempts before Nico assaulted him. But Nico's assault made John vulnerable, and was instrumental in creating the situation that got Lemar killed: for this was the reason that Lemar was forced to throw himself in harm's way, as well as the reason why John was unable to defend Lemar from Karli's subsequent wrath.

It would have been pretty clear that Nico was culpable in John's murder if Karli had successfully killed him, so it is unclear why people cannot see that Nico is culpable in Lemar's murder simply because the victim changed. While the person who ended up dead wasn't the one Nico had been aiming for, the death still happened as a direct result of his actions.

Thus, it's quite frustrating when people try to demonize John for what he did while absolving Nico, completely ignoring the fact that minutes before the incident Nico had been quite determinedly trying to kill John, and was only narrowly kept from succeeding. And those efforts directly led to Lemar getting killed, which is why Nico's claim of innocence would have been particularly galling. Nico simply received a taste of his own medicine.

So, unsurprisingly, that take which adopts the usual tired view that John is a villain while Nico is innocent is quite thoroughly untrue. For not only was Nico neither defenseless nor surrendering, but also, John did actually have jurisdiction in the situation.

First of all, Nico was far from defenseless. It's really quite maddening when people act like Nico was powerless just because he didn't have a weapon on him, for this is not even close to the case. Again, minutes before, Nico had been able to render John completely helpless—which he accomplished without the aid of any sort of weapon—and Lemar had just been killed, also without a weapon. A video nicely summarized why Nico was not defenseless:

"[W]hy do people act like this is Walker killing someone who’s unarmed?. . .We all saw what Steve and Bucky can do throughout the MCU. They can smash through walls, rip doors off their hinges, hold a helicopter in place, throw people around like ragdolls, and as we saw with Lemar’s death, can literally kill people with a single punch. How can you possibly claim that someone is unarmed when [they can do these things]? What’s to stop [Nico] from breaking out when he has the chance to do so, and continuing to help Karli? Which is exactly what he would do, because as we’ve already discussed, he is surrendering [not really but I'll get to that] because he has literally no other choice, not because he stopped because he felt guilty."

In fact, come to think of it, there is absolutely no reason why Nico could not have just grabbed onto John's shield and held it, instead of simply lying there and getting killed. As we saw, he's just as strong as John, so he would certainly have the strength to keep the shield off his chest: and there was nothing to prevent him from doing this, as he was completely uninjured (unlike John) and his arms and hands were not restricted at all. But of course, if Nico had put up such resistance to John, the show would have a much harder time demonizing John and acting like Nico was harmless. Therefore, they got around this by not showing Nico during the incident.

Not only was Nico not helpless, however, getting mad at John for killing an adversary that he had a momentary advantage over is quite hypocritical, for Sam did something similar earlier in the show. In the middle of the fight at the beginning, Sam blew up a helicopter that still had several unconscious bad guys in it. These people actually were defenseless, as they were out cold, and they no longer posed an immediate threat to Sam. So anyone who is angry at John should be angry at Sam too. But the people who bash John rarely bring this up: for because heroic music was playing, and because the bad guys were unconscious and so unable to scream or beg Sam to spare them, Sam killing enemies who were temporarily disabled is not seen as a bad thing. It's only a problem when John does it, apparently. Such blatant double standards really help demonstrate how influential framing can be.

Second of all, not only was Nico not helpless, but he was also not surrendering. For one thing, while Nico was running, he paused to hurl a concrete trash can at John: so it's not even like he was just fleeing, he was still attacking John as he ran. For another, when John managed to knock Nico over—which took several tries—Nico attempted to get back up not once but twice: once after John initially knocked him over, and then a second time which prompted John to put his foot on Nico's chest in order to keep him down. If Nico was actually interested in surrendering, he would have stayed down the first time, as repeatedly getting back up strongly indicates a desire to keep fighting.

And for yet another, Nico yelling "It wasn't me!" is not in any way indicative of surrender (nor is it even true). That was not an attempt to yield, it was an attempt to convince John that he was attacking the wrong person. (Even though he wasn't, for again, Nico was heavily involved in the attempt on John's life that ended up taking Lemar's, and was in fact the reason it was even possible; he is just as responsible for what happened as Karli.) The only thing that could possibly be considered an effort to surrender is Nico having his hands up: but since prior to that point he staunchly refused to stop fighting—throwing the trash can at John and not staying down—and the words he spoke as he made the gesture were trying to divert John's attention rather than actually surrendering, having his hands up was not enough to cancel out the all the other indications that he didn't want to surrender, especially since it wasn't even clear whether he was trying to surrender or just gesticulating. That is why people who want to surrender often put their hands behind their head, to avoid confusion. Considering how stubbornly Nico was fighting before, if he was yielding he needed to make that abundantly clear, and he didn't, not even close.

Third of all, John did actually have jurisdiction in the scenario; he was literally on a government-sanctioned mission to deal with the Flagsmashers. Handling the Flagsmashers was actually his responsibility, and the reason why he was fighting them in the first place. Indeed, it's not even like the government was mad at John for killing Nico, as that meant one less Flagsmasher for them to deal with; they were mad at him for giving them bad press. That is why they chose to give John an other than honorable discharge, for this meant that they would not have to go through the trial that would be required if they gave him a dishonorable discharge, and risk having unfavorable information come out. Thus, John got no chance to stand up for himself, and instead got quickly swept under the rug. Now, John tried to point out the injustice of the situation—"I only ever did what you asked of me, what you told me to be and trained me to do, and I did it. And I did it well," he said—but of course, the show wasn't done demonizing him, so it just ignored him and cut him off so that he would not get in the way of the attempt to discredit him. But in any case, saying that John didn't have jurisdiction in that scenario is completely untrue, because he absolutely did. Sam and Bucky were the ones who didn't have jurisdiction, and in fact they should have been wanted criminals for breaking Zemo out.

So yeah. The rebuttal to the ridiculous framing of Nico's demise that is shown above is quite accurate. John did not kill "a defenseless guy who was surrendering"; John killed a supersoldier who had just willingly and knowingly attempted to murder him (and succeeded but with the wrong person), and who showed no remorse for what he did, just panic that he didn't have the upper hand anymore. It really is insane how completely the propaganda has twisted many people's views of the situation.

[incitomniaveritas]

[PROP DESIGN]

"Hey--" A soft interjection to make herself known; Lumine stands nearby the stranger, offering space as he continues to work on yet another prop for the filming. It feels like she's seen him running around all day. "You've been pretty hard at work, haven't you?"

She gestures forward with either hand, one holding a latte, the other a water bottle.

"I thought some fuel might be nice. Just checking in on people, you know? Take your pick. There's more where that came from, if you need!"

Overture 2024 一

He's hands deep within a stereo when he hears a feminine voice call beside him. When he cannot immediately place it in any box of familiarity, he looks up to identify her. His unmoved eyes look upon her with scrutiny before realizing she has no machine or trinket for him to fix. While his expression did not sharpen, he's still busy within the confines of the ousia-powered device, so his face at least relaxes somewhat.

Her clothes are not like the locals, but she carries herself like she's sure of herself. Her claim to have seen him around could be a testament to that, or his prowess on doing anything except unwind.

He's on the ground, on his knees no less, so to take her offer he has to sit back on his feet in a squat. It's as comfortable as he can get to reach for her offered drink of water. "Appreciated, miss." He unlatched the water to take a deep swig of it, and caps it again to speak. "I've been nonstop around Fontaine to fix matters all day, yes. I cannot deny I've done quite a lot. Deprivation will get me nowhere, I concur."

He takes another swig as he listens, then ponders. He knows the city is full of interesting characters, all the way from a popular officer to another plane superstar, so he keeps his involvement short. "But I cannot take you up on your offer to leave just yet. I've been commissioned to fix this, so it's well worth my while. If you can bide一" he looks inside the stereo again, "一ten minutes, I will take you on your offer for something to dine on."

[ethanhuntfemmefatale]

Okay give us the TC movie ranking, and know Punct and I will be taking notes

Also have you seen Collateral yet bc yooooooooooooooooo

I have not I need to see it!!!! I might make another ranking once I’ve seen more of his films cause the list isn’t That long rn. There are so many of his movies on my to-watch list

So far of his movies I have seen: all the MI films, Edge of Tomorrow, The Firm, Risky Business, Oblivion, Jerry Maguire, Top Gun, and Top Gun Maverick. For those films, my ranking is below (top to bottom):

1. Mission: Impossible (specifically 1,5,6,7 but I’m partial to 2 and he does great acting in 3 and 4 so I’m just gonna put the whole franchise at the top for simplicity’s sake. This is my least objective ranking cause I love this fucking franchise) I just think MI is neat. I think TC has had a chance to do something really unusual with Ethan Hunt and I really fucking love it. The movies are excellent action films but they also just consistently feel personal and well crafted and thoughtful. Love this franchise so fucking much

2. Risky Business—honestly I can’t say enough good things about this movie. It’s emotionally complex and emotionally unusual and hurts to watch in a cathartic way that sticks with you. This might be some of TC’s best acting although there’s also just a very particular awkwardness and vulnerability to the role that he doesn’t usually get to portray in his later films. I don’t want to be the guy that says his best acting was when he was young, and I don’t think that’s true, but his acting was definitely fucking spectacular when he was young

3. Top Gun: Maverick. TC is beyond excellent in this movie. He holds up most of the main emotional threads (gonna say something blasphemous to TGM fans here but when I watched it I felt like the only actor who truly kept pace with him was Val Kilmer in their one scene together.) it’s a testament to him that the movie is as strong as it is. And it is really strong!!

4. Edge of Tomorrow—this is a personal thing for me I could see the Firm being ranked over EOT but I like EOT better. Bottom line for me if I had to choose one of them to watch I would choose EOT every time. TC is so great and expressive and funny in it and Emily Blunt is just epic as Rita and even though I have some issues with it they’re pretty nitpicky. I like that it’s a very genre-standard movie that has its own ideas, and there are some really interesting moments where the movie Does Something that’s surprising and emotional and doesn’t just follow the formula. But it’s also just entertaining. I feel like it’s more than the sum of its parts and I loved it more than I expected to. It’s the kind of movie that I can’t help engaging with when I watch, which wasn’t the case with the Firm, I felt like I had to “buy in”

5. Top Gun—yes I know I just said firm could be ranked above EOT. I also feel like it could be ranked above Top Gun cause I do think Firm is a more well done film. I expected to like Top Gun more than I did…but the things I did like about it hit me hard and left an impression. What I really liked about it was literally just Mav and Goose. Goose is the fucking center of the movie and Mav works as a character because of his relationship with Goose. The scenes with them got to me hard, shout-out to “you’re the only family I’ve got,” gotta be one of my favorite crying wailing moments. This might be controversial but I didn’t like Charlie and that weakened the film for me

6. The Firm—pros of this movie, Jeanne Tripplehorn. She’s stunning in it. I love TC and he does good work here but he never gets to her level. Cons, the suspense didn’t totally hit (although I know people who thought it totally did so that might be me) and the emotional beats didn’t really impact me they just landed and I thought oh that’s interesting. I never went rabid which for me is a necessity to recommend a movie highly, although it’s a personal thing and isn’t based on movie quality

7. Oblivion—I am actively angry at this movie because it has so much potential and it does not work. I would 10/10 watch it again to yell at the screen and go apeshit over the scenes that hit and be filled with disappointment and rage and shut my laptop feeling deeply unsatisfied and highly emotionally affected. It’s a solid watch, the aesthetic sense is amazing (I would give it all up for TC in white leather) and it’s very entertaining. What I loved about it was that it had these striking and unexpected emotional beats. And then just when I felt invested it would shapeshift into a standard schlocky sci fi action film. To the point of undermining and sacrificing all the emotion it already set up. And in the end you come out of it having seen something that feels emotional and tense and thoughtful and meaningful—like 50% of the time—but completely falls apart thematically when faced with a stiff breeze. There are parts of this movie that literally haunt me. And there are parts of this movie that are just bog-standard, amateurish. And I’m so mad about it. This is the kind of movie that makes you plot out The Secret Good Version in your head at 2 am (guess what I was doing at 2 am last night)

8. Jerry Maguire—I HATE putting this movie here!! Because I know (/know of) two people whose lives were directly impacted by seeing this movie, one of whom became the concertmaster of the New York Philharmonic after seeing this movie, and I watched it years ago and it was my first experience with TC and I wanted to like it so badly. And I just didn’t. It did not work for me. I would really like to see it again to see if it works better now that I’m. Was I even a legal adult back then? God knows. Passage of time is a mindfuck. Anyway I don’t actually believe this is the worst of these movies I just didn’t connect with it for some reason and I might see it again in case that changes on rewatch

[runnning-outof-time]

So I’m a few hours removed from my Oppenheimer viewing experience, and if I had to sum the movie up in three words they’d be: intense, moving, and WOW.

I’ve got a bit more to say about it, but I’ll put it under the cut so as to avoid spoilers:

Ok so first off I want to say that I’m really not the best at film typed analysis…I’m rather just a fan who enjoys movies and then just wants to have chats about them, so I’m not going to be the one to analyze the characters/the aspects shown in the film…instead I’m just going to comment on the elements/parts that stuck with me. I hope that’s alright with y’all - please don’t come for me. With that being said…here we go (sorry for the rambles to come - this turned into a long post y’all):

I loved how it was sequenced and shot - the whole cutting back to Strauss in his hearing and seeing what’s happening there and then focusing on Oppenheimer’s life, and the hearing that he also went through, made the film more exciting to me … it’s like we’d be getting these pieces of information through a formal lense and then we’d get to see it play out how it happened. And then the big reveal of how Strauss was actually related in regards to Oppenheimer was amazingly done as well - it was cool to see the shift in the story once that information was given to the viewer as well.

Speaking of Strauss - RDJ acted his ass off in this film. My mom said that she didn’t even recognize him, and tbh I wouldn’t have either had I not known he was in the film prior to seeing it. He portrayed Strauss in such a clever way…I felt like his intentions behind the great scheme of things really went unknown until the information came out that he was one of the major actors behind Oppenheimer getting his clearances revoked. And like I said, it felt like the whole energy of the film shifted once this knowledge came out and he handled that beautifully.

Cillian was amazing…of course. He really made the role look easy. And I know that’s silly of me to say because we all know that it was the furthest thing from it, but I think that that’s just a testament to how great of an actor Cillian is - he makes these intense rolls just look easy. I compared this performance to Leo in The Revenant in an ask a few days ago and I honestly stand behind that — this movie wouldn’t be half of what it came out to be if there had been any other person in the main role. Cillian carried this movie, and he did it with the utmost grace. My mom and I were talking about it just a bit ago and she brought up the great point that there were only maybe a handful of scenes that he wasn’t in…and in the scenes that he was in, you could really feel the weight of his performance. I’d honestly be shocked if he doesn’t get any nominations for this - I’m not sure if there could be as perfect of a storm as this role was for him.

The ending held the most weight for me, I think … it was so cool to finally see what he and Einstein were actually speaking about at the pond (another amazing choice in structure) and oh boy did that conversation rock me — those words are so true, especially in the scope of history and how people are remembered/legacies play out. It was a stark and honestly perfect ending for the film.

Also another thing that I just couldn’t get out of my mind was how human the movie was. Like it’s so cool to see how people reacted to certain things and it’s one of the most fascinating ways to look at history — take the Trinity Test for example (which by the way…damn. Wow) their initial reaction to it being successful was to cheer because during that time it meant that the US was going to be back on top with the arms race and now hold this power to essentially bring the fighting to an explosive end. But looking back on what came out of that successful test, the mood really isn’t as cheerful and exuberant. Same thing with the rallie after the bombs were dropped — there was much revelation because of how the war turned out and not much care for the carnage that had occurred due to that event happening. It’s not only until the years roll on and history gets written that we start to look at the other viewpoints and how each and every side reacted to/was effected by such events. I think the movie did an excellent job at showing how human people are - how they’re quick to react with their own thoughts and agenda first before considering it all … and I liked how the shift in Oppenheimer’s views became apparent once news of the bomb being dropped came out - it was clear that the real life effects of it were at the forefront in his mind and he was already grappling with it.

One more thing I just have to point out is the ladies in the film - Florence and Emily did amazing at portraying Jean and Kitty!! Even though Flo’s part was small, you really felt the impact of her scenes (even if she was naked in nearly all of them) - you can so clearly see the impact Jean had on Oppenheimer’s life just from those few scenes. And then Emily and her portrayal of Kitty was so well done, espeically in the later scenes, specifically the one where she was being questioned — I was like damn, you go girl!! Their relationship was so, so interesting to see and I think that Cillian and Emily did amazing at showing it. I also just had to think of Lauren ( @emotionalcadaver ) ‘s response to those commenting saying that Kitty had no arc — you’re absolutely right in saying that it’s perfectly fine that she didn’t because she’s a REAL PERSON … this is how this woman lived and reacted to the events she was placed into. She was one of the stand out characters in the movie for me partly because she didn’t show growth…she stayed stagnant and then responded to things thrown at her, much like a real person would.

Welp…I said that I’d ramble on about this - I’m really sorry for having made you read an actual essay, and if you’ve made it this far down, I really commend you for doing so. This was one of the best films I’ve seen in a while (it’s immediately going right up there with The Revenant and 1917) and it’s certainly the first that I’ve written this kind of a response to. I honestly would have been happy with watching another two hours of it, and it really didn’t feel like three hours passed by - that’s how good it was.

I’d love to hear what y’all thought of it if you saw it, and you’re absolutely amazing if you’ve read down this far — thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I guess.

[finchers-ipad]

as a fight club and will graham enjoyer, what are your thoughts on ednort’s will graham?

omg i love this ask. listen, i love ed norton when he has good directon, drive and a complex character i think he can give a really great performance. so i don’t know what the fuck he was doing playing will graham. it is one of the most lifeless and straight up boring performances i’ve seen him give WHEN THE CHARACTER IS SO RITCH I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED. his interpretation (as well as the writers and directors, because this can’t be just his fault) is that will is this typical run of the mill straight and driven cop who is stressed out with the tooth fairy case but kind of just because it’s a stressful job that keeps him from his wife and kid.

from what i understand, because i haven’t watched ‘manhunter’, is that the red dragon film introduced the fact that will and hannibal knew each other prior to hannibal being caught. this, to me, is really fun and interesting and they could have made this an integral part of both of their characters and strengthened and complicated their relationship (which we see done absolutely BEAUTIFULLY in season 3b of NBC’s hannibal). but no. it feels like anthony hopkins and ed norton are two pieces of sandpaper rubbing together whenever they are on screen together. for example in the opening scene where they are supposed to be collages and somewhat friendly as will is in hannibal’s house THEY FEEL LIKE FUCKING STRANGERS. ed norton is soooo reserved as will which frustrates me because we have seen him do more. he should have given the same character performance as the narrator in fight club as he did with will graham in red dragon. it didn’t even need to be to that standard but idk he needed to do more, especially with his empathy because it’s just so brushed off. again i know this is at fault of the writing and directing too but oh fuck it annoys me.

i know ed nortons and hugh dancys will graham’s are very different also because of their different story’s and that has to be said HOWEVER the shows interpretation of hannibal and will’s relationship is so much richer (not even factoring in their queerness). to me, hugh dancy’s view of will’s relationship with hannibal is “after everything you have repeatedly put me through, after discovering all that you are, you continue to be the only person who has and the only person who could understand me even though i can’t always admit that and don’t always want that”. BUT edward norton’s view of will’s relationship with hannibal is “you betrayed me when i put my trust in you and i resent the fact that i need you now” which really doesn’t hit the fucking same.

there’s this really cool video essay ( https://youtu.be/PA1zrO3YQmk?si=dTsKzwTFiGSMAApN ) that says something like “will isn’t supposed to be a straight man, he’s not supposed to be as smooth as ice, he’s supposed to be a fucked up little freak” which i whole heartedly agree with. this is mainly to do with the writing again but you can see ed norton his holding himself back, he looks like he doesn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth. especially in the scene where the red dragon has a knife at his sons throat and he’s shouting at him. literally the most diluted performance i’ve ever seen him give i think.

especially when i watched the show before any of the movies so i was so excited that my interests overlapped, then was disappointed that he played will so strangely. anyway one of my only pros of his will graham is that it was during his early 2000’s phase of being blonde which i enjoyed. and also ‘red dragon’ keeps the line about hannibal wanting to eat wills heart. the rest…burn it. i feel like i could talk about will and hannibal’s relationship in ‘NBC’s hannibal’ till my face turns blue and a die from lack of oxygen. where as i can barely scrounge a few thoughts together about their relationship in ‘red dragon’ that aren’t just how dry it is. this is a testament to the writing of the show but also to mads mikkelsen and hugh dancy’s chemistry. it feels (to me) like anthony hopkins was given the impossible task of living up to his performance in ‘the silence of the lambs’ especially when his screen time was doubled and then edward norton was given the impossible task of filling in the position of clarice starling that audiences were craving, which just left me wanting more from his performance.

[ahdriking]

So, Blue Blood is finished. And,,,, I have a lot of feelings about it. 

Let me tell you a story! Six months ago, I decided to open up and engage with tumblr for the first time in almost three years. It was a random evening, I was bored and had nothing to do, so I decided to see what was going on in the world that had once consumed my life, but which had been absent from it for quite some time. Almost immediately (a testament to how well past me curated my blog) I came across a gifset from Kinnporsche. Can’t remember what it was of, but it appealed to me enough that I hunted the show down on a whim and put it on.

And then my entire life changed.

I’m not being dramatic, I’m genuinely serious. I used to waste my days playing phone games and watching TV because I had gotten out of using my computer and accessing fandom, but after I watched Kinnporsche, I literally put down my phone and forgot about it so hard I literally broke it accidentally and have gone without one for five months. I reactivated my tumblr from its longtime slumber, I created a twitter for the first time ever, I logged into ao3 for the first time in almost two years, and I stepped into fandom with the burning passion of a woman who’s entire life had been consumed. Because this show made me feel more than any show I have ever watched has made me feel, more than any other piece of media has ever made me feel. I have never been so emotionally enraptured by a fictional relationship, one which was enriched by the most sensual and stimulating sex scenes I’ve ever seen captured on film, one which played into all of my interests like it had been tailor made for me. I have never been so intrigued by the potential of a plot or world. I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. I could never ever in a million years have prepared myself for it; to hope for something even close to a pale shade of what we got would have felt unreasonable before. And yet, Kinnporsche exists. Despite all reason, logic and odds, Kinn and Porsche exist. And I found it, while it was still airing at that, and got to participate in one of the most exciting and enrapturing tv show experiences I’ll probably ever have in my life.

Maybe it was in part due to the euphoria of the impossible happening, or maybe it was simply the novelty of experiencing passion for a creative IP for the first time in years, or maybe it was the enthusiasm of the community I found and the ability to connect with people again, but something fundamentally shifted in me because of this show, and not just in what I did in my spare time. A creative spirit I had not felt in years came roaring to life in me with an unholy vengeance the likes of which I have truly never experienced before. My generally poor mental health, which had numbed me for so long, was drowned out for days at a time by the most intense and compelling feelings of excitement and anticipation and adoration and obsession and fixation I’ve felt probably ever felt, a literally perfect cocktail of emotions that reactivated something long dormant in my mind. It left me inspired, more than I have ever been in my life– my ao3 can serve as proof! My greatest achievement before had been writing 50,000 words in a single year. I wrote that much within the first month and a half of watching the show. I went from averaging 12,000 words over 3 years to 200,000 in 6 months.

My point is, Kinnporsche was entirely unprecedented in my life, and it changed me down to my marrow. It made me capable of writing in a way I have never, ever been able to before. And that was why I found myself in the position of entertaining the idea of a longfic for the first time in *years*.

Some important context: I have never finished anything. I’ve been writing creatively since I was old enough to hold a pencil, dreaming about the stories I would one day tell, but the idea of ever being able to actually finish one? That sort of achievement felt out of reach all of my life. I just wasn’t good enough, and I was certain that I never would be. So thinking about writing a longfic so soon after taking up writing again really felt like a risky, no good idea. I promised myself I wouldn’t, not unless the idea was so good it just HAD to be attempted. Something genuinely exceptional.

It was a series of cascading coincidences that led me to Blue Blood. First, a particular photo of Apo with eyeliner. Then, a series of meta posts investigating the potential darkness of Kinn’s character. Finally, joining a discord server of people who were excited by and receptive of the initial ideas that intrigued me: fighter!porsche and dark mafia!Kinn. It was a perfect storm. And fuck me if it didn’t make me feel really, really excited by it. So I did the improbable: I started to plan.

One of my problems has always been that I start something without knowing how to finish it. I set off before I have the destination in mind, hoping to somehow figure it out along the way, but inevitably run out of steam and, without an ending in sight, the process feels hopeless. But I was determined not to do this for Blue Blood. So I comprehensively planned out the entire arc of the fic, and gave myself as much structure as I could (as I’ve told a few people, Blue Blood boils down to a 5+1 fic in structure. It’s 5 fights plus the final boss showdown(altho I only had to write 5 total cos I did a cheeky). And I really, really fucking liked it. It felt really fucking tangible. Writing the first chapter, after that, was the easiest thing in the world. Genuinely, chapter one was one of the most fun writing experiences I’ve ever had, it just fucking poured out of me. And the reception to it was amazing; the number of people who took a chance on the first chapter of a WIP, on a dark fic one at that, truly thrilled and excited me. So we were off to a good start.

But Blue Blood wouldn’t remain mine alone.

I picked up @kissporsche sometime after the first chapter, but before the second. We had exchanged a few random messages on tumblr, and they seemed like a really cool person, so when I wanted someone to take a look at my work I thought of them. All I wanted, initially, was someone to beta what I’d written and maybe give me a few encouraging comments. I sent her the doc, and waited to hear back. And what I got blew me the fuck away. I’ve had beta’s before, but never one who so comprehensively attacked the editing process, in such a way that I genuinely felt was perfectly targeted to identifying my weaknesses and expanding on my strengths. And not just that, but she was excited to just *talk* to me about it, she was excited for me to bounce ideas off of her and explore difficulties with her and just generally bitch about whatever with her. And she was more than open to the idea of working on the next chapter. And maybe the one after that.

Before I knew it my usually solitary and isolated experience writing fic was just a thing of the past. I suddenly had someone who would not only listen to my every random thought or concern I had, but who would genuinely encourage them and do the same right back at me. It was fucking INCREDIBLE. As a person who lives for feedback, I found myself writing things just to be able to send them to kissporsche for her edits and reactions. I found myself driven, almost supernaturally, to produce content just so we could pour over it together and explore it. It changed everything. It *was* everything.

Kissporsche is responsible for so many, many parts of this fic. From being instrumental in determining key plot factors, to being the reason for the switching POV’s, to being the saving grace of Porsche’s characterisation, to instigating and perpetuating the presence of Vegaspete, to fixing up my many grammatical errors and word repetitions, to encouraging me through hard times, to cheering for me through easy times, to being a voice of reason during the dark times. For being a friend when I needed one, a voice of love and support, one that cut through and silenced the worst of my insecurities. For being someone I could turn to for whatever I needed, for being someone who made me feel competent and capable, for being someone who I could rely on. For being someone who opened up to me and let me in and gave me nothing but love and acceptance and validation in return. There aren’t many people out there in the world like you, and I want you to know that I appreciate that fact. I know how lucky I am.

There were times when it was fucking hard and I struggled, and I thought very bleakly about the future of this fic. But never once, not even for a second, did I truly feel that I was going to abandon it. I couldn’t. I had someone waiting for me, with genuine and loud excitement, to carry on. And so I did. I carried on and I carried on and I carried on and then, all of a sudden, it was almost over. And I had nearly done it. *We* had nearly done it.

These last few weeks have been truly fucking insane. We’ve spent a lot of time losing our shit over the fact that it’s getting closer and closer to it being over. To it being finished. And now we’re finally here, we’re actually fucking finally here, at the final page. At the end. And it just feels surreal! It feels like a dream. It’s finished. 

Blue Blood is finished.

I’m proud of us! I’m proud of myself. I’m damn fucking proud of myself for writing this fic. I’m proud of the plot, I’m proud of the characters, I’m proud of the world, and I’m fucking proud of finishing it. I’ve proven to myself that it’s possible, that I’m capable, and it feels like an entire world of possibility has opened up as a result. Who knows what I might write next?

I know this was a lot, but it feels important to me to mark this event with such an introspective post, because I want to remember everything about this. I want to come back years from now and re-read this and remember exactly what it was like, exactly how it felt. And I want all of you to know what it meant. This fic has changed my life, as dramatic as that sounds. It has fundamentally changed me in more ways than I can really express. It will always be my first.

But not my last 😏

[titabboy]

I had a pretty active tumblr for about ten years. I don’t know if you remember deejul (daydream) but that was me. I wasn’t an indie darling by any means, but it was certainly the most visible and most connected I’ve ever been. It was a golden age, the first time I really embraced algorithms for a curated social media experience. A truly striking collective moment for us all to explore what authenticity could mean in an increasingly hyper-accessible, hyper-meta, social structure. And I had my tumblr for the last half of my adolescence, the first part of my twenties; it was my diary, my personal library of memories, my second life and a source of some of my deepest connections. I mentioned tumblr in an application for a film program! I got in! And I watched all the movies I saw on my dashboard! I met and got to know some of the most interesting, kindest people all over the world. A friend who I met a long time after my tumblr days and I found out that we shared mutuals! Our favorite ones, even. I documented so much of the thoughts and feelings I couldn’t readily share in-person: I was a true testament to developmental angst, crises of faith, and the growing gap between who I was and who I could be. I, like you, often felt like I was the first person to feel the feelings I was feeling and those feelings felt totally alien until I found out other people who liked the stuff I liked and felt the stuff I felt and even did the stuff I did! and in that way I learned what vulnerability can be in-person, in-the-moment, without my dependency on drafting, editing, revising what I wanted to say. I found some of my favorite music, art, literature, people, that way. I felt comfortable in my stream-of-consciousness and didn’t feel as daunted by the obsessive, intrusive, insane, inexplicable thoughts as I do now.

And then I deleted almost every trace of it.

It’s normal to look back and be embarrassed about who you used to be, normal to look fondly back on your younger self and cringe about them because they didn’t know better and it’s not like you know better now! But I couldn’t really see past the pain of it all. At the time I deleted that tumblr, I was diagnosed with complex-PTSD (and a few other things) and I really, really, really, did not like that! I was trying to make the world my oyster, sow wild oats, sing a lot of karaoke at my favorite dive bar, do a lot of drugs and have a lot of sex and do a lot of things that I knew would be great stories to tell later! I didn’t want to look at myself! No one wants to see all that! To be “seen” in that way was terrifying and mortifying and so I decided that I wouldn’t be seen at all. My mind was so clouded and foggy with the revelation of persistent trauma and grief that I couldn’t bear to sift through all that mud to find the green, living, growing things that were actually deeply rooted therein.

I packed up all this stuff and stored it away in the far corners of my body, and I tried to “start from scratch,” knowing fully well that even if everything was different I would always be me, and everything that was me would be there in the shadows, traces of the most formative pieces of myself just on the other of the sheet I covered them with. Dusty old memories, a friend recently said.

I hated people dwelled on the past. I was trying to get over mine, so why even bother? I refused to peak in high school or college, I told myself it would get better and bigger than all of this and I was, and have been, quick to let go of things that go stale. I thought that shit was holding me back and I was determined not to let it. I didn’t need to “know the origins” of my pain in order to heal from it. My therapists would tell me that I don’t need to intellectualize or overanalyze my feelings. So I just said my piece and the rest was none of my business because I am determined to move forward. I’m trying to look where I am driving: ahead. Far far ahead.

I moved. I got in a car crash. I had a string of bad boyfriends, a faith crisis, I got kicked out of my house and estranged from my family, I got fired from my first big corporate job. I was unemployed. We had another evil president and a pandemic and we kept running out of time to reverse and repair the damage we have done to the planet, to each other.

I got a dog. I figured out what to do when I was by myself. I fell in love. I did a lot of mushrooms. I tried to go to bed by 9, and I took my medicine and my supplements and my probiotics and I made overnight oats. I got tattoos and piercings! I had a career and I helped important people do important things. NOW I am in LOVE. NOW I am SAFE.

But I didn’t want to share any of that with any of you. These precious precious things. I was too afraid to let them slip from my fingers. All this time I hold my breath, waiting for the rug to be pulled from under me, for the other shoe to drop. I walk into a room and force myself to have an exit plan in under 3 minutes of being there. I keep all the things I want at arm’s length, because if it’s out of reach I cannot drop it, it will not shatter.

And then, today I decided that I cannot continue on without fully embracing and absorbing compassion for myself. It’s been a decision long in the making, and I’ve tried it before and it was too scary and I’ve walked myself all the way back numerous times— but if there is a way to be better, and I have the capacity for it, why not?

I’m going to therapy and I’m reading books and I’m holding firm boundaries and I’m surrendering and I’m sleeping and I have health insurance and I have all these MEMORIES of what it is like to be loved and to love unconditionally.

I found my old journals. I may have deleted my Tumblr but I hoarded 15 years worth of paper and ink. I didn’t always know why I did this. I don’t have many physical memorabilia from before I was 15, I don’t know where any of it is.

My siblings and cousins would steal my diaries when I was a kid and make fun of me for all the crushes and angst I poured in there. What does a 10 year old have to be angry about? They would say “why did you write it if you didn’t want anyone to read it?”

I realize now that my audience was supposed to be me. I had so many stories and I never really let myself listen to any of them. I’ve always struggled with first drafts, and well, this is the only draft we get isn’t it? I spent all day today reading and crying and being curious and remembering and forgiving and worshipping and loving and losing and grieving and hoping and hating, even. I finally let myself look back at myself with the compassion I wish I had back then.

I thought I wanted to disappear, I thought I would have been better as a memory, I thought of myself as a background actor, an extra. I was grateful to be part of the scenery but even my innate Leo nature wouldn’t let me in my own spotlight for too long. I was tired of being seen and driven mad by the reality that I couldn’t see what other people saw— well, I couldn’t see the good bits back then, I only saw these awful faults within me whether they were real or not. I wanted to disappear, I wanted to be the right person in the right place at the right time, I wanted to be the antagonist in someone’s story, I wanted to be a tragic love interest. One of my professors used to say that romance & tragedy look pretty much the same until the end of the script and I fell a little bit in love with him.

But this isn’t TV. It’s not Fleabag. It’s not primetime or prestige and there are no awards shows. And I’m no tragedy, and this isn’t the end. I’m not a main character and I don’t wish to be. I am behind-the-scenes. I am writing, I am sketching, I am stumbling, I am surrendering. And I am ready to let other people have a look behind the curtain.

I am reopening my diaries and I am sharing them with you because healing doesn’t happen in the dark. Because self-compassion can’t be what it is without collective compassion. I am reopening these entries, not to rewrite or revise them, but to look at them with kindness, courage, compassion. And there are things that I can’t see, perspectives I cannot appreciate without other people. I have let a lot of my relationships shrink and fade and disappear and I regret that. I know you’re not supposed to regret things but I do and I’m sorry I tried to keep myself away from you this way for so long. I need you. I needed me for a long time, and now I know I can’t have all of me without you. I promise I won’t try to get rid of it all this time.

[onlydylanobrien]

On the Verge: Ike Barinholtz and David Stassen

Ike Barinholtz and David Stassen have been planning their Hollywood takeover for a long time. Like, more than three decades, which is pretty long. After meeting at a Chicago summer camp in the late 1980s, the two ended up moving to Los Angeles together and trying to make it in the film business. Success came slowly, then quickly, as Barinholtz made a name for himself as a gifted comedic actor and improviser, and Stassen found work as a writer and director. The two collaborated throughout, including on the hit show The Mindy Project, on which Barinholtz starred, and more recently, Hulu’s History of the World: Part II. Now, they’re the co-writers of the indie political satire Maximum Truth, in which Barinholtz stars and Stassen directs. The movie follows Barinholtz’s hapless political grifter and his even dumber partner (Dylan O’Brien) as they futilely try to dig up dirt on a rival candidate. Maximum Truth opened Friday, June 23, on VOD. The pair chatted with us via Zoom.

The movie is interesting in that it is incredibly abrasive, and yet it’s also very funny. Those two don’t always go together.

David Stassen: Thank you. We’re often called abrasive, less so successfully funny.

In this case, it works. How did you guys connect in the first place?

DS: Well, the two of us go back to summer camp.

Ike Barinholtz: I still remember the day in like 1989 on the camp school bus where Dave turned to me and said, ‘One day, you and I are going to make a film called Maximum Truth.’ And I said, ‘What?’ And then here we are. And it’s a testament to our commitment to each other and our commitment to this project that we are now finally presenting it.

But seriously, folks. You guys have worked together a lot. Where did the initial germ of the idea come from?

IB: Sometime last year, Dave and I were talking and I think we’ve always been very attracted to losers.

Ike, you have a unique talent for playing guys who have a level of, let’s say, self-confidence that they have not necessarily earned.

IB: (laughs) That’s a very nice way of saying I play losers.

Well…

IB: When losers get into the grifting business, we think that’s like a very interesting world that we’re just very intrigued by. Thanks to late-stage capitalism, it’s sort of a golden age of con artists, I think, and to us, the ones that are the most pathetic are the ones that kind of live in the political space. We looked at a lot of these kinds of characters that are out there in the world and started talking about like, oh, let’s just do a movie about these two complete dumbasses trying to destroy someone’s career.

What was the impetus behind making it a mockumentary style?

DS: I think it’s politics. You know, you would see a documentary following a political candidate or movement and part of it was you want it to be like a commentary on current times.

IB: I just gotta say, even similar political satires, like Bob Roberts or Tanner ’88, which is kind of a deep cut, just the feeling of being around a lot of these operatives, that mockumentary form lends itself to it. You just feel like you’re in the room with these people and you want to get out of that room.

Dylan O’Brien plays your partner, and you two look like you’re having a lot of fun.

IB: I was a fan of Dylan’s, and he just has a perfect look of one of these guys who’s like, I’m a good-looking guy. I’m gonna try to capitalize on that a little bit. But I’m also kind of dumb, you know what I mean? We met with him and he got it right away. And you’re right, it was some of the hardest I’ve ever laughed, making anything. I mean, some of these scenes are just so, so deeply troubling and stupid, and Dylan was perfect. When we were shooting some of those scenes, we just couldn’t hold it together.

The rest of the cast is pretty amazing. You have cameos from the likes of Seth Rogen, Max Minghella, Kelvin Yu and Kiernan Shipka, and strong supporting work from Beth Grant, Brianna Baker, Jena Friedman and Mark Proksch, among others. How did it all come together? Did you audition with anyone?

DS: We didn’t audition anyone, we just made a very targeted list of people that we wanted. It kind of hones in on how you have to write a movie like this, where you’re going to shoot in a small amount of time with [a] limited budget. Then, how are you gonna get your friends to come and play? We just got so lucky that everyone got what we were trying to do with this and wanted to come to set for a day or two and have fun.

It feels like there’s a lot of improv in this movie. Was that always the intention?

IB: We like to shoot what’s on the page and make sure we get that because we know on some level that works, but then my whole background is improv and I think people know they’re gonna get to come and have some fun and get to do some things that they might normally not get to do. And, this movie in particular, when we were creating it, we knew we’re dealing in a very despicable world. Everyone who’s within this infrastructure is pretty gross. Kiernan said, ‘I never get to play anything like this.’

Now this thing you’ve birthed is out in the world. What’s next?

IB: We reunited with our old friend Mindy Kaling. You might’ve heard of her. We were in the midst of doing a new TV series that’s all about the world of basketball and family business. We had to stop that due to the strike. Right now, we’re kind of focused on the strike. Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail and we can get a good deal and come back and finish that and keep telling other weird little stories.

[ntriani]

OQM Playlist: Life during quarantine #15

With this latest Life during quarantine playlist, Nick Triani pays tribute to cinema composer Ennio Morricone, who passed away Illustration: Juulia Niiniranta

Farewell Maestro

Initially, it had a lot to do with my Italian origins, but in a musical sense Ennio Morricone has a place in my heart as one of my all time favourite musicians and composers. It’s been hard finding a musical hero from Italy. Certainly from a pop and rock perspective, Italy hasn’t furnished me with music I feel can hold a candle to music produced in the UK, US, France or Finland – as a rough conglomerate of nations. Morricone changed that perception of Italian music for me many years ago.

The discovery of Ennio Morricone’s music through the Spaghetti Western themes he forged with Sergio Leone‘s expressive cinema, opened a doorway into what I felt was some of the most emotional music ever made by anyone. Morricone’s passing this week at the age of 91 hit me harder than most musician deaths. The universal nature of the tributes paid to Morricone supply a valuable testament not only to his influence as a composer and arranger, but his ability to appeal to the widest of audiences.

The heart of the matter

Back in 2016, Morricone visited Helsinki for a concert and I wrote for OQM at the time ; “Is there a more recognizable composer in music than Ennio Morricone? A scream, a harmonica, Bolero guitars and a violent whip cracking all point to the Italian maestro. Of course the music Morricone composed for those cheap variations on the true American film, Spaghetti Westerns, ring through popular culture as much today as they did in the 1960s. One could also argue that no filmmaker or composer since Sergio Leone and Morricone have managed to marry as magical a line between the visual and the musical as those two did together. Perhaps Alfred Hitchcock and Bernard Herrmann come close and if you’re being generous, Steven Spielberg and John Williams are in with a shout. But the choreographic excellence of Once Upon A Time In The West still remains the cineasts high point in sound and vision.”

And whilst I stand by all that, those words don’t convey the pure emotion and heartfelt sincerity Morricone’s music often displayed. As was said by many earlier this week when news of Morricone’s death was breaking, much of his music outstripped the quality of the films his compositions were married with, or at the least elevated those films. But it still doesn’t explain how Ennio was able to bring so much feeling and, once again, the purest expression of emotion from so many of his compositions. As this week’s Life during quarantine playlist plays occasional tribute to one of the highest architects of composition, I can only suggest that those moving soundscapes came from an artist with the biggest of heart’s.