#it's a rhetorical question because i know the answer and it is called shame

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

i was on insta and u know how they keep shovin' "suggestions" into ur face like "DO YOU KNOW THIS PERSONNNN DO YOU WANNA FOLLOW THEMMMM" and i found a bunch of my cousins and like. why do i hate people knowing me so much? why do i not want to talk to them solely because i don't want to have to answer questions back and have them know things about me? why?

[shesnake]

just finished watching s2 of the newsreader bc of you and i'll tell you, i think that i might need a rewatch to understand exactly where dale jennings wronged all these people the way i've seen some comments. besides tim, i think that helen was equally to blame at points with him - they just feel like they'd be great friends but bad partners - and the gerry thing is super complex because i genuinely don't see where else the tim thing could have leaked from and it's a shame they turned on each other when dale had managed to get him air time prior to the gossip columnist's calls. and with tim, i feel like the conflict really just maintained itself at the same scale it was at the end of s1. anyway, the only thing dale sees as valuable from himself is his journalistic skills, he's clearly more lost than ever in relation to his bisexuality and i feel for the guy. the day he unlocks it he's going to be unstoppable.

Hey there! Very glad you watched the show ❤ and you've kind of answered your own question with that last paragraph. Everything following is a (hopefully) more cohesive version of this post I made when season 2 finished:

Dale's professional ambition leads him to wronging everyone. Over the course of season 2, we can see him slowly shedding his principles and journalistic integrity, hoping to reach the status of a newsreader like Geoff Walters. His number one priority is to maintain his public image. He no longer fights for The Story, only for damage control.

When he sees a problem coming, he works harder to save face than he does to help fix the actual problem, leaving Helen to scramble around. He prepares a little joke and practices his laughter in the mirror so he can be unfazed when her interview with Lynus about his Aboriginal perspective on the bicentennial gets cut. On a public level it's incredibly racist!!! And on a personal level he's fucked Helen over. He "handles" Helen by dismissing her bipolar swings as "migraines", treating her mental illness the same way every other man has.

And with Tim... it hurts to admit, but Tim is just a very handsome plot device. A pretty vehicle for Dale's bisexuality to enter the plot. Tim exists solely for Dale to fumble. Sorry Tim.

In season 1, Dale's internalised homophobia becomes the story when his shitty interview skills leads to NA6 platforming homophobic AIDS rhetoric. Dale's delivery of misinformation was an accident, then Geoff comes in purposely to deliver the death blow. Dale throwing Gerry UNDER THE BUS was season 2's death blow. Regardless of whether it could've flipped the other way. He's so cold when he finally speaks to the gossip journalist. HE is the one offering HER the deal to stay silent about his bisexuality, because he knows he's made it.

Dale has always felt inadequate, as a journo and as a man. His clothes have always been too big for him. But by the end of season 2, after sacrificing all these personal relationships that made him more vulnerable, he's reached a point of privilege where the benefits of appealing to his public image outweigh exploiting his hidden truths. He is now The Newsreader. He gets on camera and delivers his bulletin, solo, in a black suit that fits him perfectly.

[kleftiko]

❦ OUR BITTERSWEET MOMENT PT. 3

cw: mature, mdni! fem!reader, p in v sex, semi public sex, slight sir kink

@augustlikesdeath @callsignwindow @fairy-alix, here’s your smut lol

PART 1 | PART 2

“what is this?” hotch asks. his eyes are tired, heavy and dark bags sit underneath them and you now understand why his office has its blinds down and door shut.

he’s holding the file folder you just gave him. the question is rhetorical, he’s knows exactly what it is.

“i had my transfer expedited.” you say anyway. “white collar has been asking for me anyway, so it was pretty quick.”

“it’s a shame to see you go.” he gives the diplomatic answer.

“no need for formalities anymore, sir.” you sigh. “we both know why i did this.”

“you shouldn’t have had to, though.” hotch places the file on his desk and looks you in the eyes. even though you’re the one standing, he body language exudes dominance. “it’s was me who overstepped my bounds.”

you breathed out a laugh.

“no disrespect, but i overstepped my bounds long ago and we both know that.”

hotch stands up. he rounds the desk but you stand frozen as he makes his way to the door.

“i could have stopped you.” he said and locked the door. you freeze, not knowing what he was doing, but as he turns around, you don’t feel scared. he confirms, “so you’re no longer on my team?”

you nod your head. “this is the last we’ll be seeing each other.”

your eyes meet. his steady gaze studies you, looking over your face as if it’s the last time he’ll ever do it. he takes a tentative step towards you, after seeing your resilience, he breaks. in a second he’s come right up to you, hands grabbing the side of your face and yours gripping into his waist as you pull each other into a kiss.

it’s exactly how you remember it, his lips gently holding onto yours, skin rough in his fingertips, and now that you’re sober you feel every single tingle through your body.

you’re desperate for him, and you no longer care to hide it from him.

“please, sir.” you gasp, feeling his breath on your face. “just once—let me have you—please.”

he doesn’t answer verbally, instead his hands sneak down your hips to your belt, undoing it with the precision of an experienced man, something you don’t get often at this age. you back up against the desk, allowing him to slip off your pants and underwear. he drops to his knees, eyes looking up adoringly as if he’s worshipping you, your breathing deepens unevenly, your hand moves to his cropped hair, pulling him roughly to your core.

you have to bite your cheek harshly in order to catch the gasp that wants to escape. you have to remember that you’re in the bau headquarters, just a wall separates you two from everyone else, and here hotch is eating your pussy. his fingers dig into the plush of your thighs, holding you close as he moans into your clit.

“i’m not gonna last, sir.” you gasp.

he pulls away and looks up at you. “let me feel you around me.”

in a hazy second his pants are undone, he has you propped atop the desk and lines you up with himself. one last look of confirmation he gives you before you wrap your legs around his waist and pull him into you.

he lets out a strangled groan at the feeling, and you instinctively slap your hand over his mouth.

“don’t forget where we are, sir.” you whisper to him and feel him twitch inside you. your eyes light up and you start to feel a bit mischievous. “do you like me calling you that, sir?”

another twitch.

but you don’t have time to tease him anymore before he pulls back and slams into you—repeatedly. it’s his turn now to cover your mouth by pulling you into his shoulder. he holds you close as he thrusts into you carefully. your breathing is blocked by the skin of his neck but you don’t care that you only get a sporadic glimpse of breath when hotch is pummeling into you like you’ve always dreamed.

your hands come around his bare back, trying to hold him as close as you can because you’ll never get to experience this again.

you take in the scent of him, the tension of his muscles as he moves and the slight sweat that sticks to both of you as a reminder of what you’re doing.

in this moment he is only yours.

but it has to come to an end.

you feel the pace pick up, and the tension tighten in his arms that hold you close and you know it’s about to be over.

you close your eyes as he cums, feeling his heartbeat against your own skin and his breaths hardening as he steadies and comes to a halt.

all that’s left are the soft pants you two let out, and he disconnects from you.

you’re suddenly cold.

this is it.

as soon as you put your clothes back on it’s over.

[kissesforsatoru]

Hello! If it's not a problem can I ask for Manila!Izana with a police officer darling? Maybe one where the darling infiltrated the gang undercover to bring it down?

pairings : izana x reader

summary : izana with a cop darling who infiltrated his gang

⤷ cw : general yandere themes, implied kidnapping, reader is tied up and gagged in the beginning, non-con kissing

"izana," kakucho calls, entering the room, and izana looks at him with a raise of his eyebrow, "we got the rat. they're in the interrogation room right now."

izana stands from his seat and walks towards kakucho, stopping when right next to him to place a hand on his shoulder, "you're always upholding my expectations, kakucho, just as a servant should. good job," he says, and then he leaves the room.-

the walk to the interrogation room was quick, and when izana arrived, the men stationed at the door immediately opened it for him to enter. inside, tied up and gagged, you shot up and glared at him, but izana could still see the obvious fear in your eyes and the slight shake of your body; it filled him with satisfaction every time a rat realized the kind of trap they'd stumbled themselves into. whiney little creatures they are, screeching for their lives like helpless animals about to be devoured, all while completely at his mercy to do whatever the hell he wanted. izana never quite liked to get his hands dirty, but seeing the scared looks and screams for mercy will has always exhilarated him.

"i'll deal with this one alone," he says, smirking as he hears your muffled noises of resistance, but the doors close and you're left alone with him anyway.

he takes slow steps towards you, watching as you try your damndest to maintain an unrelenting look—it's cute, really, seeing you so desperate to prove that he doesn't scare you when your body blatantly betrays you. your efforts are nothing but a mask to comfort yourself with, but izana will soon rip that mask away and leave you broken along with it.

when he reaches you, he bends down in front of you, looking at you directly, and his proximity alone already starts to deteriorate your fabricated confidence—your eyes are glossy, as if you're about to cry, and your noises start to break off into weak little whines. even so, your eyes still shne with determination. how pitiful.

he reaches up and hooks his finger under your gag, pulling it down off of your mouth and dropping it to rest around your neck. you gasp and move your jaw around to try and ease the soreness, and then suddenly your attention snaps back to him.

"let me go right now," you say, and he's honestly surprised that your voice doesn't break or faulter at all. he huffs a laugh and looks at you with amusement flaring in his crazed eyes.

"oh? and why should i do that?" he asks mockingly, tilting his head to the side.

you grunt, and then, "because this is illegal," you say as if it's obvious, but to izana, the legality of things has never mattered, and you of all people should know that. you've caused him quite a bit of trouble by working with the police; luckily, he's always been one step ahead of you, watching you and the rest of the police parade around like fools. you got too close though, stumbled upon something you shouldn't have and now you're here. a shame, really.

"yeah? you think i care about that?" the question is rhetorical since the both of you know the answer, but you decide to answer anyway.

"no," you say, and your voice does faulter this time, if only slightly, "but when my collogues get here, this will just be another charge against you," you say, eyes flicking away from him for a second as you gulp. izana almost feels bad for you for believing such a silly little thing like that. your 'collogues' aren't coming and he won't be getting charged with anything—not when he has plenty of people working for him from inside the police. you were just a clueless little rookie that wanted to crack a big case to gain some recognition, but instead you got yourself pathetically involved in something that would have always been a losing game for you. it's just sad.

"you know, i like you a lot, y/n. i think i'll keep you," he says, smiling at you, but something about that smile feels off. he brings his hand up to pet your head gently, and then a second later, it falls to rest on the nape of your neck where he pushes you closer to him, "i'll have fun breaking you into my perfect little lover," he whispers, and then his lips are on yours before you can even think to protest him.

[khaire-traveler]

I have a question about signs from the gods if that is okay? I'm someone who generally doesn't look for signs from the gods and ends up rationalizing everything that could be seen as signs by others. The thing is, last week I was in a rough place emotionally and experiencing really bad feelings about things and I guess in desperation I called out to one of my deities asking if this was real, if I was wanted as a follower and I asked for a sign that I was wanted and was cared about. The next morning I woke up to a tiny little spider weaving a gorgeous web on my altar for said god, using two of the statues as anchors. To me this could be very very mundane, though a bit odd for tiny spider to build a web right there when typically they do it elsewhere. Then when I was doing some yard work I encountered two moths, one of which almost landed right in front of my lawn mower and thankfully. I spent a bit of time admiring her beauty and even gave her a little name before she decided she had enough of my adoration and flew away. And then my dad had me rescue this tiny frog in the wheelbarrow. The cutie sat on my hand for a good while before leaping into the great unknown of the bushes. Now see, my brain can easily rationalize this as the best day ever because I love tiny spiders, I absolutely adore moths, and I name all of the frogs in our yard every year. However, I can't help but wonder, because I thought of my god frequently during each critter encounter, if these were signs from my god to answer my questions. I'm honestly not sure because these could be very mundane things but at the same time, if there was any big dramatic gesture I'd probably end up terrified. I'm horrible at reading signs when it's not related to nature and survival. :(

Hey, friend! Thank you for the ask!

I have this problem (rationalizing potential signs) as well, actually, and it's something I've been working pretty hard on unlearning. I think, for me, these feelings partially stem from this rhetoric within society that "spiritual people" are just "crazy" and "dumb" and "making things up". I feel like there is a lot of shame around being spiritual and allowing ourselves to experience spiritual things. When I see something and feel it's a sign, I always find this little voice in my head being like, "No, you're just looking for signs," but honestly, what is the harm in looking for signs? Isn't that kind of the point anyway?

While I can't interpret signs for you (since they tend to be a very personal thing that varies for each person), I will share my opinion. It sounds like you already know the answer. Maybe you're doubting your experiences and would just like that confirmation that "yes, this is real, yes, this is a sign and an answer", but honestly, it seems like you genuinely already have your answer. My best advice to give you is to trust yourself.

UPG here, but once, I asked Hermes for an answer to a really important question. It was something that gave me lots of anxiety and that I was "unsure" about. He refused to give me an answer, and all he said instead was "you already know the answer". And he was right, I did know, but I wanted someone else to confirm it anyway, even though I didn't need them to, because I doubted myself. Whenever I go to Hermes with similar problems now, he reminds me "you already know the answer". I wanted to share that experience with you because it felt relevant. I hope it helps in some way.

My personal opinion is that each of those things was a sign to remind you that this is real, you are cared for, and you are loved. I encourage you to be gentler on yourself, and remember your experiences are valid. I don't mean to speak for the gods here, but your deities definitely don't hate, or even dislike, you. They're out there, watching over you, and I'm sure they're really happy that the cute critters you saw could bring you even just a moment of peace and joy. You are worthy of the care and love of the gods. Remind yourself of that.

I hope this helped in some way! Please take good care of yourself. 🧡☺️

[devouredead]

Thinking about childhood today

Thinking about when I started school. And kids would talk to me. And I just... would not speak. Just did not have words. They said I was cold or rude. Eventually called me a ghost. Treated me as a non-person. Would not talk to adults, either. Not teachers, not doctors.

Thinking about how that continued on forever. They ask me a question, I could show them an answer, if they asked what book or what animal or anything, I'd show them but that's 'rude.'

Thinking about how I could not speak to my parents, only pushed out words to them when they threatened me. And how that continued on forever.

I struggle to speak without very specific scripts. I can write. Not with more social knowledge but at least words come, I have so many words in my brain. I use AAC pretty well. But I never had words for my parents or my grandparents, for my cousins or aunts or uncles. They grew old and away or passed away and I never had 'conversations' with them that weren't 'hi how are you okay bye' (a script) or echoes that they half-way understood. My father used to frequently tell me he didn't know who I was because I didn't speak to him. Of course, he didn't want scripts and was annoyed by echoes. He wouldn't look at the art I made or read my writing or watch movies or shows or share music with me. He refused every other way I had to communicate. My dad would not read the (literal) writing on the wall so... in the end he was right. He never did know who I was. My siblings and I echo (echolalia) back and forth to each other and that is our language, but as speech therapists will account for, echo isn't considered 'independently speaking' which I guess is their way of saying 'not speaking the right way,' which is to say, 'so that the outside understands.' Which is a shame because I love so many things I have many echoes for many occasions! They are just not original phrases or thoughts, just adopted reactions because as it's been made painfully clear to me, I will never have my own. As if I am the impression of all that touches me but nothing else. If people see me echo or script, they assume I talk with no difficulty. But I can't, and when they inevitably experience that, they get angry and think I'm rude/cold/hateful. And they take it out on me and are congratulated for it because I'm so hateful for not speaking. I get tired. Tired of living for abuse. Even other people with speech difficulties, because guess what? They don't magically understand, either, and I don't have a way to explain because of the assumptions of how being semiverbal works, at least for me. The assumption is always, somehow, that you speak typically except for episodes of speech loss-which is bizarre to me, because I (and the majority of other developmentally delayed and intellectually disabled autistics I've known in the flesh) who have been semiverbal definitely do not communicate like that. But then, I guess that makes sense that people don't know that, because we're not really among the autistic people who typically 'get out much.' Why is speaking so hard? Why can't I understand it? Why can't I do it right? How come I know where to put italics but can't make the people bark sound? I've had decades to be at least as good as a middle schooler so why can't I do it? Even if I try to talk to friends when they repeat back to me I realize that I haven't said enough to be understood or to make sense.

Why am I so bad at this? It's rhetorical. Of course I know it's my autism. It just affects me so bad that I can't make new friends or ask necessary questions or to protect myself. I just stare at people I'd love to talk to and reach out to but we can be two feet apart and oceans away at the same time.

Cuz we'll never talk, and that's just the truth.

My experience of semi-verbal/semi-speaking is all the time, not episodic speech loss.

While I have empathy for those with episodic speech loss and nonspeaking people, our experiences are not the same. Please stop assuming all semi-speaking people suffer episodic speech loss but otherwise have normal speech. You're erasing people like me, thanks.

-

I'm very much for everyone staying in their respective lanes! All our experiences should be respected and should have their space. For that reason...

Verbal/typically speaking people

People who experience speech loss episodes/selective mutism/anxiety related speech loss/speech difficulty is not a permanent state of being

Nonverbal/nonspeaking people

DNI with this post please! It's not for you-

[redheadbigshoes]

addressing that anon about "febfem". that label started with the gender critical movement. it's another term for "bi lesbian" or "political lesbianism". characterized as a bisexual or mspec woman who chooses to only date female non men adjacent people for whatever reason that may be. radfem/gender critical/febfems is the same label.

that movement erased trans lesbians, trans femme and trans butches from lesbian and butch/femme history. they started calling lesbians who dated trans women adjacent people as bi-lebians as well as an attempt to obfuscate lesbianism. they tried to say "you're just like me" to make Lesbians look bad and mistrust one another and demonize trans lesbians and is the reason we have the "lesbians are transmisogynistic and transphobic" sentiment currently. they tried to shoehorn transphobic and transmisogynistic rhetoric into the lesbian community because they couldn't imagine actual lesbians prioritizing their love for women and non binary lesbians and sapphics instead of only their hatred for men or projecting their trauma from men on those trans people. it is not just "female Lesbians" who have trauma from men. they are just as much victims of the patriarchy and the poison of eugenic and white supremacist violence and rhetoric. they also need a place where they will not be demonized based on their anatomy.

this movement demonized the butch/femme community and gaslighted them with rhetoric of outdated gender roles and being an imitation of heteronormativity. they contributed to the belief that butches are pre trans men or "men lite" and that femme is "woman lite".. this thinking still eats away at our community and our wellbeing from the inside and outside. this.. the damage that movement caused still affects ALL Lesbians by the way and not just for the expressed purpose of hurting trans lesbians.

so to answer anons question. yeah use the label. but don't expect anyone to not call you a radfem or a terf. use the label proudly so everyone knows that you aren't us. use it proudly so others will know that trans lesbians have always been here and we are helping them reclaim their history. use the label proudly to differentiate yourselves from us no matter how people treat you. use it proudly so you know that even when lesbians have trauma from men they don't see trans Lesbians as men,and that all trans lesbians are complete and whole. use it so everyone knows lesbians will stop perpetuating the myth that femmes and butches are heterosexual adjacent.

you're here looking for validation for something all of those people seek at first. but you'll find even when we are empathetic to your trauma that people like you still have some very harmful ideas about all trans lesbians. I won't shame you for your choices of genitalia preference due to trauma because I don't even think it's my business or anyone's for that matter. but you're coming here asking for validation because you know you're making an active choice and there's guilt. you're even attracted to men. which is you know. not what lesbians are.

OR

if I was a bit more confident in this assumption you could actually be here as a radfem who is trying to expose people to hypotheticals and pipeline rhetoric to try and make them see your side. this is how radfems actually radicalize people by the way. so... I have my suspicions you are actually here for genuine reasons.

This is very interesting because I didn’t know the origin of “bi lesbian” (I just knew it had something to do with radfems). So thank you for sharing this.

I’m always sus whenever someone brings up something related with terf rhetoric (like that anon, but I just hadn’t known the “febfem” label was related with terfs), but from what that anon said it didn’t seem like they were trying to find a label for them to use it, it just seemed they were suggesting an alternative for people who use “bi lesbian” with the excuse they only date women. But sure they could be doing this with other intentions, we never know when it comes to terfs…

[caniruineverything]

i get by with a little help from my friends

ft. merthur and a bit of whump/angst (and a teensy bit of morgwen)

Summary: Merlin doesn't understand why Arthur's acting weird, but when Uther takes it too far with his words one day, Merlin realizes why.

"Mer-lin!" At the sound of his name, the warlock spun around, only to be met with an irate Arthur slamming the door behind him as he walked in. And he had been in such a great mood earlier, he thought to himself.

"Yes, sire?" If he put a bit more ire in the greeting than normal, well that was between him and the long list of chores he was sure was heading his way.

"Have you really been cleaning this whole time?" The question was rhetorical, but Merlin answered anyway, foolishly.

"Yes, sire. Your room is quite messy. Really, it's a shame no one ever taught you how to clean up after yourself." And, well, on any other day, the jab wouldn't have been of any importance, but that day, Arthur was in quite the mood.

"Well, it's a shame no one taught you how to speak to your Prince. Leave, I don't want to see your stupid face." The words caused something in Merlin to shrivel up, despite his attempts to stop it. He'd thought he and Arthur had been getting closer. He'd apparently thought wrong.

He left, moving away from the room and the unreasonable prince as fast as he could. As he exited the palace, he realized Arthur had not given him anything else to do. Part of him wondered if that had been purposeful, but he quickly dismissed the thought. After that display, it was clear the prince had no intention of being generous.

With nothing else to do he walked home to see if there was anything Gaius needed him to do. The old man answered that he did not, in fact, have anything that needed to be done. Instead, he suggested Merlin go help out Gwen or the knights. Deciding this was both a good idea and a way to pass time, which moved slowly when he was away from Arthur, Merlin left to go do just that.

As he approached the palace steps, mentally making a list of the places Gwen was most likely to be found-he knew from experience that it was very difficult to find people in the palace-when a voice called from somewhere to his left.

"Merlin? I thought Arthur dismissed you."

"Gwen!" He couldn't help it, a grin broke out on his face at the sight of his friend, a sweet but slightly confused smile gracing her lips. "Just the person I was looking for!" At her questioning glance, he elaborated. "Yeah, the clotpole did let me out early, not sure why, so I wanted to see if you needed any help." He paused, and she took her cue to respond.

""Oh! Thanks." At this, Gwen smiled kindly and continued, "Nope! Morgana let me out early too, said something about the nice weather." Merlin smiled, knowing Morgana too was weak for Gwen's smile, just in a different way than he.

"That's kind of her. Well, if you need anything, you know where to find me!" She grinned back, seeing his smiling face, and continued on to her house. He stood there, once again with nothing to do. Should he check on Arthur again?

The urge to both see the prince and make sure he was okay was not something one should feel for their employer, let alone their prince and their friend, but, well, he had taken one look at the prince when the latter had been consoling a woman looking after her ailing son and fallen head over heels. Yes, that prat could be such a cabbage head, but he could also be caring, and brave, and kind. And handsome, that little voice in the back of his head spoke up, but he banished it with a quick not the time.

So yes, he did want to check on Arthur. But at the same time, what Arthur had said has hurt. Merlin worked hard because Arthur expected nothing less, and it still wasn't enough.

But Arthur was a prince, and he was Uther's son, so it was almost to be expected. Almost, because even though it was explainable did not mean that it hurt any less.

He decided against reentering the paper in search of a prince who clearly didn't want him there, and returned home. At Gaius's raised eyebrow, he just said Gwen hadn't needed any help, and walked into his room. And no, he definitely hadn't closed the door more forcefully than normal.

He used his free time to read through the book on magic Gaius had given him. Sitting under his thin blanked with aagically conjured light to see by, he could almost forget about Arthur and his behavior. Almost.

Merlin blinked awake blearily, light glaring in through the window. He brushed a fallen lock of hair out of his face, then sat up. As he did so, he both heard and felt paper rustle, and looked down. He had apparently been using the magic book as a pillow, and there were a few drool stains on one of the pages. He quickly magicked away the stains and returned the book it it's hiding place, then turned to his clothing to get ready for the day. Now, to wear the red or blue neckerchief. . ?

He made it almost to the palace steps before he remembered. Arthur. He had been in such a foul mood the other day, and with a prince with anger management issues and a tendency to bottle things up, Merlin did not know what to expect.

When he had gathered up the courage to walk to Arthur's room, he was greeted with the sight of the blonde glaring at him, picking at the good in front of him.

"You're late," were the first words out of the prince's mouth. "I had to get woken up and delivered breakfast by George." His distaste was clear, and on another day, Merlin might have laughed. Not that day, though, when he was already feeling the sting from the careless words.

"Oh, poor you." It was almost hilarious how obvious the double take Arthur was trying to hide was, as he had clearly been expecting sympathy, but Merlin was not in the mood. "You should be happy, you had a servant who didn't talk back."

"Well, Merlin, you should be happy. I have a long list of chores headed your way, just for being late." Merlin sighed. Why him? Why did he have to bother with the unreasonable man who happened to be both his employer and the prince of Camelot?

"Yaaaaayyy. . ."

"That's the spirit! Now, you'd better get started or you won't finish by tonight, and we can't have that." By Arthur's tone, Merlin could tell he was implying something important, and though he really didn't want to, he gave into the blonde's ploy to get him to ask.

"What do you mean by that? What's happening tonight?"

"Oh, did no one tell you?" God, the nerve of this man. "Father's having a feast in honor of the new alliance. And yes, before you ask, you do have to be there." Damn, how had he known that was what Merlin was going to ask before the latter even opened his mouth? "Because, idiot, you ask that every time. Of course I knew." Okay, now Merlin was slightly freaked out.

"Did I say that out loud, or did you somehow acquire mind reading skills?"

"I could read it on your dumb, expressive face. You didn't need to say it, and I don't need to read your mind to know what you were going to say." Arthur scoffed at Merlin's confused face and ordered him to get to work before he wasted the day trying to understand a simple sentence.

All day, Merlin simultaneously carried out his chores, fuming at Arthur and his pompousness, and ran their earlier conversation through his head, trying to make sense of it. And make sense he did. It was no secret that they two were developing a strong bond, but he hadn't realized how strong it was, if the prince was able to deduce what Merlin was going to say before he said it.

But of course their 'strong bond' wasn't enough to keep them from bickering like a dysfunctional couple. Resigned to his foul mood, and with no intent to forgive the prince any time soon, he got to work on the long list of chores Arthur had handed him.

By the end of the day, Merlin had somehow managed to get everything in Arthur's ridiculously long list done. Well, not somehow, he may have used a bit-just a bit!-of magic to help. The list was otherwise way too long for him to finish by midnight, much less in time for the feast. The only good part about any of it was that he got the satisfaction of seeing Arthur's shocked face when he realized Merlin had actually been able to complete the list. Well, he had also been given a bit of the food for the feast to taste test (impeccable as always), which had been nice.

His last task was to help the prince prepare for the feast. Bathing him, dressing him, and just making him look like the prince he was. If Merlin was honest, there were a few things he liked about feasts.

For one, there was the fact that he was allowed to eat some of the leftover food, which was even better than the food the kitchen normally prepared. There was also the fact that Arthur looked even more presentable than he usually did, and while Merlin thought the prince looked handsome in anything, it was nice to see him get dressed up a bit. And the feast provided something to make the evening a bit more entertaining, which was something, at least.

By the time he was done getting Arthur ready, it was time for the feast. Merlin looked over the prince one more time to see if he was ready, and he was. But Merlin also noticed that Arthur seemed a bit more nervous than he usually did for a feast. Was it that this was celebrating an alliance and he didn't want to do anything to put that in danger?

Merlin wanted to ask, he wanted to make sure his friend was okay, but before he could, Arthur spoke.

"Well, Merlin, are you ready?"

"Wh-what? Why are you asking me if I'm ready? You're the one who needs to be ready, not me."

"Well, yes, that is true. But you know if I'm ready or not, and you're not ready until I am. I'll ask you again. Are you ready?"

"Yes, sire." For once, Merlin's voice was completely free of any sarcasm or mocking. He sensed that Arthur was nervous and he didn't want to make things worse.

"Alright then. Lets go."

The feast was a typical feast, all things considered. There was good food and wine, a few performers, and speeches from Uther and the allied kingdom. Arthur did not give a speech that night, which Merlin did not find particularly odd, as not every feast required a speech from the prince.

Though Merlin did notice that Arthur was more tense than normal, he figured it was just the blonde worrying about how the guests would find the feast. What he did not notice, however, was the way Arthur's eyes kept darting to his father, and the way Uther was nearly glaring at his son.

There was one slight hiccup during the whole thing, which was, in Merlin's opinion, not bad at all. One of the servants, a tall skinny boy with brown hair, spilled wine on Uther. In the boy's defense, it was not much, and Utter had bumped into him slightly, but that did nothing to quiet the king's rage.

But before Uther could say or do anything, Arthur leaned over and whispered something to his father. This calmed the older man down only slightly, and now his rage seemed directed at Arthur. Nothing happened however, except that Arthur apparently dismissed the servant, as the boy scurried away as quickly as he could.

If Merlin had paid a tiny bit more attention to the king and his son, he would have noticed how Uther's anger remained, and how Arthur was clearly masking his fear.

But he didn't, so he paid no notice as, when they were walking back after the feast, Arthur was silent. Merlin figured that he was simply tired, as a feast would tire anyone out, especially someone who was as involved as Arthur.

When they got back to the prince's chambers, Arthur dismissed Merlin as soon as the latter had finished getting Arthur ready for bed. Merlin once again figured he was simply tired, although he did begin to suspect something was up with the prince.

Hey, he wasn't stupid, not by a longshot, but he hadn't really seen anything that would make him worry. His whole job was to protect the prince, whether Arthur knew it or not. He would never purposefully do anything to put his friend in danger, and not just because it was his job.

That night however, he did remember Uther's angry glare at his son, and the way Arthur curled in on himself infinitesimally. Unfortunately, he fell asleep before he could think any more about it, and by the time he woke up in the morning, he had almost completely forgotten it.

The beginning of the morning the next day was pretty predictable. He woke up, got dressed, ate a hurried breakfast, and left to go wake up the prince.

When he got to the prince's room, however, breakfast in hand, he discovered that Arthur was already awake and dressed. Merlin set the food down on the table and looked the prince over.

"Wow, sire, you managed to put on your shirt correctly, nice job. However the back of your shirt is not quite tucked in. Here, let me get it." But when he reached over to help fix the shirt, Arthur batted his hand away.

"It's fine. I can do it myself. Thank you for telling me." This was very odd. When had the prince ever woken up and gotten dressed before Merlin arrived in the past?

Actually, he could remember a few times, and it was always odd. He was not usually able to get everything on right, either. Also, why had he not let Merlin help him? That was certainly unusual.

The rest of the day was relatively normal. They went on a hunt with the knights, as Uther had ordered Arthur to capture an assassin who had killed a few villagers overnight, for an unknown reason. It was nice to get back into the woods, and Arthur seemed happier because of it, joking around with Merlin and the knights in a way he hadn't in the last couple days.

The hunt, despite Arthur's best efforts, was unsuccessful, and they did not manage to capture the assassin. The hooded man escaped, after a fight that ended with Elyan slightly injured, and the entire party disheartened.

After a short visit with Gaius, Elyan was fine, and Arthur and Merlin headed back to the palace. Arthur was acting odd, not talking much, and when he did, he was very short with Merlin. Merlin opted for silence instead while he took Arthur's chainmail off.

"I have a meeting with my father to discuss my failure in apprehending the assassin. You are free to leave. Enjoy your afternoon." It was phrased so oddly. To discuss my failure. Was that really all Uther wanted to talk about? Arthur had accomplished a great many things, and yet Uther seemed only interested in the few failures. He really did expect his son to be perfect.

Arthur left, and though he had been dismissed, he did not have anything he needed to do, so he decided to stay and tidy up the room a bit. While he was in the middle of cleaning the fireplace, his magic suddenly became alert. The hairs on the back of his neck rose, and he became convinced something was wrong.

He didn't do anything about it, as he didn't even know what was wrong. He waited it out, and it dissipated slightly. There were a few more times during his cleaning that he felt it rise up, and then it began to rise steadily until the door creaked open.

Merlin looked up, and his heart seized in his chest. Arthur walked in, tears dripping down his face, and bruises on his face.

"Oh, Arthur, what happened?”

"Merlin?!? Why are you still here? I dismissed you." Though he sounded angry, the tears hitting the floor said otherwise, and his face did not show any anger.

"I, uh, wanted to do some cleaning. Seriously, what happened?"

"Nothing, Merlin, please just leave." It must have been serious if the prince was using please.

"No, Arthur." Merlin stood steadfastly in front of the crying prince. "You're my friend, and you're hurting. I want to help. What happened?"

"Nothing. My father just-he just got angry. That's it."

"Arthur. That is not it. You are crying. Please tell me what's wrong. It hurts to see you hurting."

"Fine!" More tears dripped down his face, and he looked up angrily. "He was angry that the hunt failed, and he yelled at me. When I told him I'd done the best I could, he just said that. . ." The prince trailed off, clearly very pained.

"Arthur. What did he say?" It was becoming hard for Merlin to just stand there and not go off to kill, or at least maim, Uther.

"He told me," Arthur sobbed harder, "he told me that Ygraine died for me, and I was wasting her death by just existing." The blonde broke down, sobbing loudly, not caring who heard him, and Merlin's heart broke. How could anyone say that to someone, let alone their own son?

"No, no. Arthur, you are a wonderful person, and your mother would be so proud of you for everything you've done. Uther doesn't deserve you, he never has, okay?"

"No, I'm useless! I can't do anything right! The feast, the hunt, and now I can't even take a lecture. Just leave, I'm not worth it."

"Never say that. Never. I love you because you are kind, because you always strive to do the right thing, even when it is harder. You saved that boy from getting flogged. You tried to catch the assassin, and the only reason you didn't is because you were protecting your friends. Uther is wrong. You are not useless. I love having you in my life, I'm grateful for it every day, and I know Gwen, Morgana, and the knights are too. You're amazing, Arthur."

That was the first time Merlin had gotten to voice his thoughts on Arthur in a long time, and it felt nice, even though it was brought on by Uther being an asshole.

"Do you mean that?" Merlin's heart broke impossibly further by Arthur's unsure tone.

"Of course I do! We're all incredibly lucky to have you around." Arthur just cried harder, stilling when Merlin wrapped his arms around the prince, sensing the blonde might need a hug.

When the prince sank into it, he realized that Arthur likely didn't get many, if any, hugs.

"Are you injured?" The prince was silent, and Merlin's heart rate skyrocketed.

"What?!?"

"He just slapped me a few times, and I have a few bruises. It's not that bad." This prince. Now Merlin was beyond pissed. He had assumed Arthur's face was red from crying, but now there was a handprint visible. That was why Arthur had dressed himself! He hadn't wanted Merlin to see the bruises.

"Are you alright?"

"I will be," was the quiet response.

"Take all the time you need. I need to go hunt down a king"

"Merlin, please don't. He is still my father."

"Fine. For you." They were silent for a few moments while Arthur composed himself and Merlin thought up ways to creatively harm Uther, not that he would actually carry them out. After a few minutes, Arthur's soft voice broke through his thoughts.

"You. . . love me?"

"I-What?" He thought back over what he had said, and blushed hard. Damn it, he had confessed to Arthur!

"I'm so sorry! I mean yes, I do, but I didn't mean to tell you. You can fire me, you'll never have to see me again, I'll-" He was speaking really quickly now, trying to apologize and reassure the prince.

"Merlin! Listen to me! I, uh, love you too. So please, don't leave. Ever." No way. No. Way.

"You-you love me too?"

"Of course I do. You're Merlin, how could I not?"

"What does that mean?"

"That it was inevitable that I'd fall for you, you clumsy oaf." Of course Arthur would compliment someone and then insult them, all in a declaration of life. Oh my god, he loves me!

"Hey! Thanks?"

"Now get over here." What? Why? Then, his silent questions were answered as Arthur kissed him. Their lips moved together as though they were made for this, and Merlin wondered if they had been. Two sides of the same coin. How had he not realized how romantic that sounded?

When they broke away, breathing hard, Merlin pulled Arthur in for another hug, sensing how touch-starved he was. The prince melted impossibly more into Merlin than before.

"You don't need him. You have me, you have Morgana, you have Gwen, and you have the knights. You have people who love and care about you. You don't need him."

"I. . . don't need him. Okay. I don't need him!" Arthur sounded as though he had been freed from prison, and in a way, he had. As Arthur stood up and got ready for bed, tired from crying and professing love, Merlin realized that as long as they had each other, and their friends, they would be okay.

[ambriel-angstwitch]

Bob Dylan by FOB through the lens of Merthur

When they say; "You and what army?" I guess they're talking about you and me

You and what army' is a saying that implies the threat made is a weak one, or saying that the person is not capable of what they are saying it’s usually meant to be rhetorical. But the second line answers the question. Merlin is Arthur’s army he would fight and defeat any enemy, Their love is a force you do not want to trifle with because they will fight for it.

Baby, nobody will love you. Nobody will love you like, like I do. I guess that's half true

This line is fascinating because nobody will love you and nobody will love you like I do are different statements and one of them is true but it doesn’t say which. But of course it’s most likely the last one. But this line makes me think of the way that Merlin always calls Arthur names (clotpole, a toad, etc) and complains about him. He insinuated that he didn’t care about it him when he said he wouldn’t cry if he died. But at the same time no one will ever love Arthur like Merlin does. Merlin would do anything for Arthur, he has sacrificed so much for him.

Come down, come down Come down from your holy mountain I'm down, I'm down So put your shame on a billboard for a second

This line shows a disconnect between the singer and their love. Arthur is of a different social status than Merlin and this has caused problems in their relationship. Sometimes Merlin wishes that Arthur could just be down at his level and we (but not Merlin) know that Arthur also desires this (he wants to run away with him)

Sometimes, sometimes The only way out is through

They were forced into a destiny they didn’t want. Though it’s interesting because a lot of Merlin’s meddling is what caused things in the end. Maybe he could have gotten out of things if he’d just let the world run it’s course. Sometimes they just had to do the best with what they had.

'Cause everyone loves Bob Dylan I just want you to love me like that, yeah

This line is super interesting because Bob Dylan had a lot of fans that loved him but they also refused to accept his stylistic changes and he faced backlash for that. Merlin is also a person who is largely loved but then that made Arthur refuse to accept he had magic. Arthur wanted Merlin to be the same Merlin he always knew but Merlin isn’t. This fact caused a lot of anger and backlash from Arthur.

Would you bury me next to Johnny Cash? I'm obsessed Do you love me like that? Yeah

So this could be a reference to the fact that Johnny Cash was buried next to his wife that he was married to for 35 years. Merlin could yearn for that same type of relationship. To be so committed to each other, to stay by eachother even in death.

So what fates do we share?

Arthur and Merlin share a fate. They share a destiny, they’re life’s are so intricately intertwined. Merlin is there to ensure that Arthur will become the man he’s supposed to be.

Windows down, wind in your hair

No Merthur commentary but this is possibly a reference to Bang the Doldrums

Baby, no one ever thinks of you. No one ever thinks of you as much as I do. Not, not even you

Like the first verse there’s the implication that no one will ever care about Arthur like Merlin does. Merlin’s thoughts are consumed by Arthur. He loves him. Arthur is his purpose. He’s constantly stressing over how to keep him alive and wanting Arthur to return his affections

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

balloons on my wrists (let's play 'cut the rope' like Old Timer's sake)

when you tie down a balloon you just end up watching it lose its fillings, spill its guts into nothingness. is it really any worse to let it go into the sun and just die already? especially since it's drawn up like that.

sometimes i just run down the empty apartment hallways because i like how it feels in my sneakers. they're almost loose. the only beautiful women's shoes they had they didn't have in my size, so i got the first neutral men's shoes that'd fit me. i'm trans and i wish i could use public restrooms like that. the real answer is all gender neutral bathrooms and more precise sizing.

(when i cursed aloud about the women's shoe sizes and said i wanted to kill myself, an old man frowned at me in concern or maybe pity so i apologized. a lot of other people need to learn that lesson still.)

my shoes are gray. i have two pairs of gray shoes now because i realized i needed a pair i can't hang myself with.

sometimes i just get the urge.

so, i sprint down the hallways. i fly a little. pep isn't the only thing in my step. among other things, of course, i catch air. i am young (and sick) and sometimes i don't care if it'll hurt (10 seconds) later.

i don't fit in, but i like to stay in shape. haha. or at least keep the optical illusion of being in shape.

tomorrow i'll wake up and there will be another thing to worry about and another thing all better. i thank G-d for brief synapses. i curse G-d for brief synapses. nobody relaxes.

sometimes my bed just looks sexier to me. 'do i still got it?' asks my old sheets, the ones i've had for nearly 15 years, some of them older than even that.

and i shake my head and say, 'baby, we go through phases.

'yes.'

i've got carpal in my dominant hand but it's still not the one i jack off with. fuck my life / fuck my life.

every morning is the walk of shame when you're in love with yourself. i had to evolve to love myself since nobody was doing the job well enough. You know what They say about that: then do it Yourself. so i damn well did. and do. nobody's doing me like me.

a lot of the time i'm afraid nobody else will close out for the night quite like i do.

so, what? i've got fucking issues. tell me something i don't know. please. please? it's only rhetorical if you're not my Love.

i'm such a boy-next-door/across-the-continent. i look very 90s sitcom. minus the happy ending? i guess Our show got cancelled or something. fuck the ratings. MAKE ME A STAR. 'i'm Your Prince.'

i hate how big the USA is. can't You all be on my shelf? i can pick and choose like perfume. i need to reorganize my closet.

if You got one look at me, You'd fall to Your knees. i'm a real kick in the shins. Love at first Flight. Love at first Light. Our Teeth just have to get to Know Each Other.

fuck everybody who's ever called me foolish for waiting. how dare you question my Faith? would you try to fuck a nun, too, while you're at it?

i would rather burn alive than wilt in your fucking penthouse.

speaking of! i've got a MANSION ON THE COAST to BURN ALIVE INSIDE OF. murder y suicide o suicide pact? either way, what bliss.

[reginrokkr]

𖧷 @jueying asked: "People watching yet again, Lady Hsi?" The slightest tilt to his voice echoed the amusement held in the minuscule crinkle in the corners of his eyes. The gaze of a high elder was meant to be all seeing, all understanding, and all mysterious to those around them at times - but Jinhsi's gaze could not be more apparent to him. Elegant and beautiful in all her emotions and reactions, he couldn't help noticing how she seemed to linger on various couples in various stages of their relationships. The Luofu remained a comfortable climate throughout the year, but when the air adjusted to a slightly cooler temperature, so began the leisurely outings and walks. Dan Feng himself could not say he was immune to such callings either, having invited the other out for one today.

Tilting his head slightly in wait for an answer to his question, deft fingers gently took one of her hands into his own. Dropping a kiss to the back of her hand seemed to be a gesture she enjoyed and one he liked to see the reaction to, Dan Feng today seeking out more beyond that. Delicately, he turned her hand to face her palm to the skies, pressing a light kiss to the lithe bones of her wrist. "Perhaps something to share?"

[ wrist ] a tender kiss on the inside of the partner's wrist

For all the homogeneity within the Xianzhou society, built as it is from various species, there is an unspoken hierarchy and varying degrees of pride that must be upheld within the same species. For the High Elders of the Vidyadhara race, this stands at its truest. As they are scions of a long gone Aeon that met a tragic end of being encompassed within another that is the first and foremost enemy of the Alliance, their cooperation with Xianzhou inestimable enough to have earned an indomitable reputation that is more a burden to many than a blessing.

Hsī knows all well about this as a human herself educated and instructed to be the prominent figure that High Elders are amongst everyone —is she supposed to be a player in this stage or a pawn?—, and with it comes a yearning perhaps difficult to understand among the Vidyadhara. Even with her upbringing, she can suppress it for as long until it hits like a wave that came unprovoked and uninvited.

Which manifests through silent observations of others' demeanors in public, most of them humans themselves, every time she's out for a stroll alone or in Dan Feng's company. This time, the surge of longing comes as they walk side by side, her arm coiled around his own as they use to whenever they walk long distances— used more for its pragmatism, Hsī was never blind to the proximity and warmth born from a natural closeness they have nurtured for several years.

Deep and calm as the sea the Vidyadhara are tasked to protect as his voice is, the question suffices to make her snap out of her reverie and startle slightly, argent irises peering into the other's teal ones for some moments. The easiest for her would be to deny it, yet she knows that it is abundantly clear that his question is nigh a rhetorical one. Thus her arm falls from his, almost out of shame for even looking into someone else's garden when she should be happy with what she has, a small hum and a dip of her head offered in answer to his question.

Precisely because she has been raised among other Vidyadhara as if she were one herself, she should know that the manners they express love is different than how humans do. And she does— she knew the moment the two of them expressed sentiments that go beyond that of mere friendship for one another, and she was overjoyed at the notion that Dan Feng of all people, knowing his story and having lived great part of it with it, harbored such feelings. The inevitability of a human heart that wants more is, essentially, what makes her feel as if she doesn't deserve this— him.

Moon-touched eyes move immediately to their connected hands now, following their movement up to Dan Feng's lips to press a chaste kiss to the dainty bones of her inner wrist. Different shades of pink dust her pale cheeks for a few moments before the bridge of her nose scrunches a touch when a realization dawns on her. ◜You tease.◞ She counters back, a small pout on her lips as she elbows him gently.

It is precisely that Dan Feng is comfortable at his best within her presence that he allows himself to be this way— an expression of deep trust and love.

Her pout deflates soon as she rests her head on his shoulder, her heart now more at ease albeit slightly troubled still. ◜Have you...◞ She needs a moment to pause and swallow thickly as nervousness settles itself at her gut, but she presses on. ◜Have you ever felt like you want more but you see yourself unable to pursue it? Not because you cannot recognize what it is that you yearn, but because of a matter of circumstances.◞ It only takes a couple of seconds before she shakes her head slightly against his arm, then she raises slightly on her tippy toes to place her lips on his cheek in a chaste kiss before she goes back to her initial position.

◜Please don't mind that question. Just some musings of mine, it's all.◞

[renegains]

The Throat Chakra and Healing Social Anxiety

Why do birds sing? Although a seemingly insignificant, perhaps even rhetorical question, I believe that birds hold some important secrets for throat-chakra year. As I sat on a park swing this summer looking up at the sky, bird sang four beats of a note. I whistled back the four beats, and the bird and I took turns. I keenly remarked that the bird would sing the beat I missed, making sure that no beat was missed! We took turns about ten times. I felt like the bird’s chick, and that brief experience made me wonder whether it is through song that birds nurture and teach their chicks.

Throat chakra year has been a bit terrifying for me, to say the least. As a decade-long sufferer of social anxiety, of which the diagnosis really imparted a sense of shame and embarrassment (and negative consequences) almost every time I said this to others, I ought to be wont to give myself a little push this year: to own it, to say that I did make tremendous progress, and despite what may happen, to talk about my experience with it. I must begrudgingly accept that whatever happens, I will become stronger.

When I went into my throat-chakra year in the seven-year journey to opening up and reprogramming all my chakras (which all started in October 2021), I thought about playing it safe. Was it really right to take any risks? Should I just keep my mouth shut like I always did (except when I had something dramatic to say)? I am many voices, and really, I could’ve gone into the theatre. What happens when you don’t know what your true voice is? Well, while I don’t have a comprehensive answer to that question but figuring this out is certainly a goal of mine this year, below is what I’ve compiled so far to help those who need it to feel safe in using a voice (their own)… and maybe having a diverse set of voices could serve as an adaptive role, which can be put to good use (think leadership) or a mildly Machiavellian one— your call.

1. Be private: don’t overshare

I have intuited that a lack of security in using one’s voice is associated with a lack of security in one’s surroundings. People who have grown up in intrusive environments may not feel as though they are entitled to their fair share of privacy, which may predispose them to harmful environmental influences as they feel an uncertainness about how much of themselves they should keep to themselves. They may put themselves at risk of taking advantage of the outside world.

Developing a clear framework of what you’re comfortable with opening up about yourself versus what you’re not so comfortable about can help ease the pressure considerably and feel more secure in your voice. How much would you like to get to know someone before you let different parts of yourself come out? And what do you think you should always keep private? Listen to the video below for general inspiration!

https://youtu.be/ML9PoJ0mij8

A noteworthy comment from this YouTube video is the following (because it is important to protect yourself as you use your voice): “Being completely transparent with everyone is unhealthy. The reason why a lot of people don't have peace is that they're always getting bombarded with other people's opinions. Nobody's life is meant to be in full view for everyone.”

Note that physical boundaries are also important, if not more so than verbal ones. I’ve been the girl that people cheated off of me in school, so an example of a physical boundary, in that case, would be to hide my answers with a pencil case. A bird establishes its own territorial boundaries first AND THEN signals to other birds with their tune!

2. Know your truth— and stand by it!

My perception of people with high self-worth is that amid pressure, they have an unwavering sense of truth about how they should be treated. They are also not afraid to express how they feel about something! What do You think that people with high self-worth harbor that those with low self-worth don’t? Note that your answer to this question may synchronistically answer questions about what you should work on to improve your self-worth.

If our environment is one in which we don’t feel as though we ought to have our own opinion— it’s time to get out of it! Your environment is your best friend— or your worst enemy. It could make or break you and immediately favor certain opportunities over others. So choose wisely!

3. If you’re afraid of being toxic when you open your mouth (hey, no one’s perfect! Talking is a learning curve), learn Buddhism’s Right Speech

That’s Right, Buddhism (not Bootyism, sorry) can help you learn how to communicate better. Refer to my cheat sheet below that I wrote some months ago for how to cultivate Right Speech. Afterwards, with all the tips above, you should feel safer to speak up! As Violet Year taught us, we should first develop that inner security first— the ability to listen to our intuition and to build our own spiritual protection to assist us in the subsequent trauma-healing years.

[la-vie-en-lys]

I don't even know where to start with this.

Every single question that was asked here and every single ...conclusion (they're so erroneous that it's making me hesitate to use the word) drawn is based on such wrong assumptions that it's clear that none of these people have ever tried to learn anything - and I do mean anything - about the subject that they then proceeded to form and voice very firm opinions on.

it doesn't involve actual astral bodies anymore.

But... it does? What even. Where did that conclusion come from? All astrology is based on actual, physical, current positions of various astral bodies.

if you actually came to me and told me "I was watching the sky all night and I noticed a meteor passed by your sign" I might pay more attention to you.

*facepalm* This is literally how it works, lol. I mean, meteors specifically aren't used in astrology afaik, but asteroids are, and interpreting their transits through various natal placements in a person's horoscope is a whole thing in astrology.

Who cares about Taurus or Aquarius, always with the Northern hemisphere,

Yeah, that's because the astrological tradition was developped by ....people who ...lived in the Northern Hemisphere. Centuries ago. That means (because obvious things need to be explained here, I see) that they didn't know about the other constellations. Ooh, the mystery.

they would try to fit Uranus and Neptune and the galaxies and the nebulae and all that cool stuff in their horoscopes

Learn something about a subject before voicing opinions.

About galaxies and nebulae, they're not used. Why? Idk, but I'd ask a professional astrologer before deciding it's all stupid and makes no sense.

But all modern astrology seems to be to me is just "oh tell me your birthday and I'll assign some generic random personality to you". Boring.

Yes, that's because you know nothing about it, and haven't bothered to learn anything about it before forming opinions based on what things superficially "seem" to you. Boring.

just drop the "astro" thing and just tell me you're assigning personalities based on a calendar instead of the stars.

But... astrologers have been repeating over and over that all astrology really is a very complex calendar. If only you listened!

pick up a telescope and go learn some real astronomy and make some mysticism out of that.

This is basically the definition of astrology.

I also desperately want astrology to give me a heartily satisfying justification

You're desperate for answers but haven't tried finding a professional and asking? Why?

Rather famously, humanity eventually discovered that the Sun is the centre of the universe rather than the Earth, so we now know that planets like Mercury are not and never have been in actual retrograde: they are not moving backwards. Why would a planet appearing to move backwards—but not actually moving backwards—influence my life?

The general consensus in the mainstream astrological community seems to be that it's not actually planets and their movement that influence what happens on Earth. "As above, so below" is a popular theory. Why not study it, with scientific tools, to verify it or to find out how it works?

Are the shapes and histories of the vastly distant stars which we call “constellations” really just a coincidental manifestation of a truth which humans can only grasp using culturally inherited patterns and names?

Yep, that's another popular theory. The constellations and signs and planets are a language that's used to describe patterns and events that have been observed to occur with some regularity over the centuries.

tl;dr - lots of questions here can absolutely be answered, if you can be bothered to make an effort and find and talk to a person with actual knowledge on the subject. Shame most of those questions were clearly asked as some sort of rhetorical "gotchas". Meanwhile, what they do instead of gotcha-ing anyone is exposing the ignorance and laziness of the askers.

You don't understand something? Learn. Try to understand. Then form opinions.

One thing that (equivalente inglés de "me rompe las pelotas" no tengo ganas de traducir) me about modern astrologers is that it doesn't involve actual astral bodies anymore. Oooh, you made me a natal chart by reading a book or some website and gave me a personality test, who cares. Now, if you actually came to me and told me "I was watching the sky all night and I noticed a meteor passed by your sign" I might pay more attention to you.

Or maybe incorporate some of the new constellations here in the Southern Hemisphere. Who cares about Taurus or Aquarius, always with the Northern hemisphere, I want to see what Microscopium or Horologium means for my future (real constellations BTW). I haven't seen any astrologers talk about any constellations or celestial bodies besides the Zodiac and the solar system. I'm not sure if some of them even KNOW the Zodiac are actual stars that you can go outside and look. Come on, tell me what the Messier Catalog means for my love life.

Did you notice that the Tres Marías (Orion Belt) was up in the sky when Argentina won its third world cup? That's REAL astrology for me.

[plan-d-to-i]

Plan, saw someone criticise lwj for the scene where wwx ask him in bm if there's other road. They said wwx asked for a solution & lwj didn't even answer & left bm. Do ppl really read the book? That person was a novel reader who write metas here so it's weird that they'd read certain scenes in a way that isn't intended by the author. Must be the victim mentality influencing their reading comprehension & making them do selective reading.

Fr. It's so odd when people try to blame either of them in this situation. WWX's question reads as rhetorical. He obviously knows he doesn't have a core so he can't cultivate any other way, esp if he is to have enough power to act as a deterrent to those who would harm the Wens, esp after publicly cutting ties with YumengJiang for jc. jc who was the person who most should have done something, and was in the best position to do something being both a Clan Leader and the beneficiary of Wen Ning and Wen Qing's aid. Instead he publicly cut ties w WWX and confirmed the worst rumors about him to the cultivation world, calling him their enemy. But back to LWJ, he obviously didn't know that WWX didn't have his core when he kept questioning him about his cultivation choices; and the bulk of his worry stemmed from how WWX's mental and physical wellbeing would be affected by his continued use of resentful energy. Not because he was bliNdEd by his rules 🌝. LWJ's ideals didn't change drastically over time, he more just had to come to terms with the fact that WWX would make his own decisions even if they might harm him. After all LWJ was drawn to WWX precisely because he was that type of person who prioritized innocent people. Idk why fandom keeps trying to rob LWJ of his goodness and morality and act like WWX is the one who instilled/inspired them in him. They're both special people! They're drawn to each other precisely because their world views match! LWJ always went where the chaos was. That's his thing, which even WWX admits is not as easy as it sounds:

When Wei WuXian heard of Lan WangJi’s reputation for being wherever the chaos was, he didn’t think it’d be too hard, but right now as he tried it in person alongside Lan WangJi, he discovered that it was truly a test of one’s resolution.

LWJ took the beating for breaking curfew right along WWX and didn't heal himself. LWJ walked form miles on an injured leg, miserable because he didn't know if his brother was still alive, knowing his home was burned and that his father was dying and he still defended MianMian ~

However, one of the GusuLan Sect’s disciples on the side had been trembling as he listened to Wen Chao’s threatening words. He finally couldn’t hold it any longer as he rushed over, grabbing MianMian, and prepared to tie her up. Lan WangJi’s brows stiffened. He immediately struck the disciple to the side.

Although he didn’t say anything, the way he looked at the disciple was more than imposing. What such a look meant was clear to everyone—it truly is a shame that the GusuLan Sect has taught a disciple like you!

LWJ had his own sense of justice from beginning to end, and it was usually in harmony with WWX's. As MXTX wrote -

(translation : & great post from @suyanzhi )

LWJ respects WWX's agency in the end; his decision to continue cultivating as he has, and to protect the Wens, and he respects it again after Nightless City when he returns him to the Burial Mounds even though he most likely knows how it will end.

"A moment later, Wei WuXian spoke up, “Lan Zhan, you asked me if I intended on staying like this from now on. To be honest, I’d like to ask something as well. What can I do apart from this?”

He continued, “Give up the demonic path? Then what about the people on this mountain?

“Give them up? I won’t be able to do it. I believe that if you were I, you wouldn’t be able to do it either.”

He continued, “Nobody can give me a nice, broad road to walk on. A road where I could protect those I want to protect without having to cultivate the ghostly path.”

Lan WangJi gazed at him. He didn’t reply, but both of them knew the answer in their hearts.

There was no such road.

No solution existed.

Wei WuXian spoke slowly, “Thank you for keeping me company today. Thank you for telling me the news about my shijie’s marriage too. But, let the self judge the right and the wrong, let others decide to praise or to blame, let gains and losses remain uncommented on. I, too, know what I should and shouldn’t do. I believe that I’ll be able to control it as well.”

As if he’d anticipated such an attitude since a long time ago, Lan WangJi nodded slightly and closed his eyes.

And that marked their farewell."

It says right there, there was no nice broad road, and they both know it; As things stand WWX could either have a safe(r) life or he could protect the Wens. There's no perfect solution. This wasn't a request for aid, but more a request for understanding from a person whose righteousness and integrity WWX also believes in and respects.

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳all the king's men ♡ ☾

in which all the king's men couldn't put the pieces of y/n l/n together. we all have the days where we're insecure and broken, this is one of hers.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.8k

tw: insecurity, bullying

please if you are having overly harmful thoughts about yourself, talk to a friend or a professional. you are perfect the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

it's so sad that the best people tend to think the worst of themselves

all the king's men

y/n, for lack of a better description, was feeling like humpty dumpty. she had seen herself in the mirror last night, and felt positively traumatised. she had come back from a quidditch practice session, and the results were quite terrifying.

she didn't understand. quidditch made the guys more toned and even a few of her teammates had abs. what did it do to her? well, it made her shoulders broad, which she thought was highly unattractive to anyone, and not at all slim! sure, it was fun and kept her fit, but terribly horrible, in her opinion, in trying to fit in to the beautiful girls that went to hogwarts.

she admired angie johnson and cho chang and ginny. she really did. y/n knew how hard it was to be beautiful, and she liked when other people were so beautifully beautiful. it just made her feel terrible, because what was the chance of her keeping her boyfriend in fred weasley when fiercely pretty girls were dancing elegantly around her?

there wasn't any time to be mopey and sad, so she gathered all her books and immediately went to breakfast. she didn't even bother going over to fred and greeting him. she saw how happy he was laughing with george and lee. surely she wouldn't bother him. instead she plopped down next to alicia.

"you ok?" alicia spinnet asked her.

she nodded, "fine."

"you sure?"

"no."

"wanna talk about it?"

"do you think it's too early to get plastic surgery?" y/n joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"what the fuck, no. what's up?" alicia's eyes were lit with concern.

"i don't feel pretty," her voice was but a whisper.

alicia caught it.

"why? you're literally adorable."

"you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me that."

"hmm, nah, i truly believe it."

"well i don't," y/n said miserably.

"oi, l/n, your hair down today?" adrian pucey snarled, "it's gonna give me aids."

a few students snorted.

"you can get aids then. shut your mouth," y/n retorted back.

the whole school look startled. was this the same, prefect, goody-two-shoes y/n l/n?

adrian pucey opened his mouth.

"i said shut. your. mouth."

fred weasley watched in a mixture of furiousness and pride. he knew that pucey had a crush on y/n too. he was just terrible in expressing it. fred didn't like the way y/n's eyes sadly flitted to alicia afterwards. and she hadn't come up to him and given him a kiss today. maybe she just wanted a bit of space??

"see?" y/n sighed, "not even my hair is pretty." she tied it up.

alicia laughed, "adrian just wants your attention."

that made y/n laugh. "why? why?" it was a rhetorical question. she got up, and smiled at adrian in the most menacing way that he shrunk.

"miss l/n, your outburst was quite rude-" snape began.

"my apologies professor, of course, i was in the wrong. adrian pucey brought the topic surrounding my hair up, called it ugly. now what would you do if a student called your hair ugly?" y/n said, eyes burning with fury but conscience too good to lose her temper.

"i-i would give them a scolding."

"likewise. good day, professor."

"fucking hell, he is such a sh-" alicia muttered as she got up and followed y/n out to class.

"ali, that's enough," their retreating voices could be heard.

fred kept his eye on y/n through the day, giving her the space he thought she needed.

she looked very like her normal self, until she encountered pucey again.

"l/n, nice squinty eyes," pucey laughed.

y/n's shoulders sagged. her eyes dimmed and she let her ponytail fall in front of her face.

"ponytail won't fix them," he laughed meanly, "can they fix your dumpling body?"

fred frowned deeply, "fuck off, adrian," he angrily said, "that's my girlfriend you're talking to."

"oh, you have someone like weasley to save you? i don't even think you deserve him as a boyfriend."

y/n didn't answer, fearing that tears would spill out of her eyes. she had just been feeling worse and worse about herself. instead, when the bell signalled the end of classes, she hurried quickly off to wherever, trying to pull herself together.

she felt like she was at the bottom of the earth. her eyes finally let go of the tears that needed to be spilt. she leant sobbing against a stout tree in the forbidden forest, head slumped gloomily against the trunk, eyes trying to find anything, anything, that could be remotely comforting and hands fiddling nervously with the flowers that bloomed happily around her. her whole body shook in anxiety. she wished she had her mum or dad here to help her. but they were back at home.

how did fred love her?

she wished she didn't have stupid hair or squinty eyes or a dumpling body. but she couldn't ignore the mean, yet so true, remarks about her body adrian made. they were morally wrong and he deserved to be stabbed, but they were factual. she used to just laugh and joke about him too, but now she realised that maybe she should pay more attention to the way she eats and works and the way she talks and looks and presents herself and put more makeup on and-

fred found her crying there, by the little pond, shrinking away from the mere sight of her own appearance. he didn't get it.

well, he did, but he didn't know why such a beautiful girl like his girlfriend was crying.

"y/n?"

she flinched and stopped crying.

"sorry, i'll leave. i don't think you want a dumpling of a girlfriend sharing this nice space," she attempted to joke, but it fell short. she wasn't joking anymore. her tone was serious and genuine. the unexpected good nature pucey's remarks were received in usually was gone, and for good reason. it had broken her into the tiniest little pieces.

fred felt it. he felt his heart stop.

"is this about what pucey said to you, lovely?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek, and pulling her close to him.

she nodded, feeling immensely better already. the smell of him made her calm down insanely.

"so you don't want space?"

"n-no, i was just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"mhm?" he looked at her and waited.

"it's silly."

"well, it's got you crying, i don't think so."

"the stuff a-adrian says is true," her voice was quiet and small.

fred frowned.

"i'm not cute or elegant or even hot," she continued, "i-i'm not as pretty as anyone here."

"well, my little love, if my opinion even matters, you are stunning. i think you're the prettiest person in the world, both on skin and in here," he patted his own heart, "do you know how long i pined after you?"

"no?"

"i'm still pining after you, gorgeous."

"d-do you mean it when you say gorgeous?" her eyes were broken and teary.

"of course. it hurts me when you are upset. because you are gorgeous and much more because you are so nice and good to me and to everyone else too. pucey's a complete shithead and when i next see him i will bash his head in. i'm so sorry i didn't notice, love, i thought you were mad at me."

"no it's fine, i just don't understand. you're fred weasley. so many girl's want you and you-you choose...me?," a sad frown was etched on her face, her tone confused.

"y/n, you're my only choice. i don't want the other girls. i can see the appeal of you. i-i know i'm not the best with words like you, but i really care about you. i love you, i adore you, you're the bestest person i've ever met."

and he knows he's brought the happiness back in her. she giggled. he felt relieved, because he knew he wasn't good at all at comforting people and y/n was so special to him- why didn't he say that earlier to her?

"bestest isn't a word, freddie."

"well you get what i mean, right? you're really special to me," there it was.

she nodded slowly, a small smile forming on her lips as she kissed him on the lips, before snuggling closer to him.

"darling, wouldn't you rather go back to the castle to cuddle?"

hesitantly, she shook her head.

"why?"

"'drian's there."

"adrian cannot hurt you, okay? whatever he tells you is wrong. he's wrong," he gently says, pulling her close to him, "besides, if he does, i'm here, and you're strong."

"i just cried about it, i can't be strong."

"crying doesn't mean you're weak, darling, sometimes we all cry and that's okay."

y/n nodded.

"here, i brought this for you, maybe it's a comfort??" he blushed as he handed her his quidditch hoodie.

she grinned and put it on.

he couldn't stop blushing at the sight of her, so he tilted his face away to save himself the embarrassment.

noticing and mistaking his turned away head for disgust, y/n took the hoodie off, downcastedly handing it back to him.

"sorry," she gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as fred looked at her in confusion.

"y-you can have it back, yeah, there's no need to hide your shame, here, s-sorry," she stuttered out.

"shame?" he asked, looking worriedly down at her.

"mhm," she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "sorry."

he finally understood.

"angel, look at me."

she reluctantly looked up at him.

"i wasn't feeling disgusted at all. i-i was actually embarrassed because i was blushing," his cheeks heated up again, "like i probably am right now. you're too beautiful. i was blushing too much."

"oh."

"yeah. now put it back on," he demanded, as he cheekily tugged the jumper over her head, blushing again as he saw her standing there in his jumper.

"c'mon!" he said, carrying y/n's school bag as they made their way to the castle, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist and the bright gold letters on the back of his sweater shining for anyone and everyone to see.

they didn't see pucey, thank goodness and they ended up talking with george and katie bell and angie and alicia by the fire.

as y/n smiled and giggled with katie over something highly scandalous, fred had his eyes on her, not so much monitoring her, but he couldn't keep them off of her.

when he had noticed her words start to become short and slightly slurred by tiredness, he lead her back to her dormitory.

"feeling better princess?"

she nodded, "you're so good to me, freddie. i love you."

it made his heart swell with happiness.

"i'd go to the moon and back for you, y/n."

she smiled drowsily, "and i, you."

[kirisaki-daichi-scenarios]

a discussion of jabberwock with team interaction hcs + deeper nash analysis

for anon who asked "Can we get some headcanons for jabberwock members or like headcanons when they're together? (its okay if it was jason or nash only)" and made me realise it's about time i get these guys' personalities down

note before we start: cause i didn't know their names until i wrote this

zack is the bald one, allen is the one with a headband, nick is the other white guy apart from nash.

team hcs

nick gets bullied for being under 6ft, but not by jason

nah good old jason teases all of them for being short fucks, emphasising that they’re all 5ft tall in comparison to him

he 100% lifts things out of the others' reach and then laughs for ages after when they try get them

unfortunately though, they’re all used to this and now just ignore him. either that or nash stares at him so intensely jason actually repents and hands it back

zack’s another one with a very good glare, but he’s used it too often on jason and it’s since stopped working.

also jason gives me ‘straightens his back as much as possible when getting measured so he’ll measure in as 7ft’ vibes

oh and he thinks he could wrestle a gator and win. i’ve got no explanation for that except for the fact you can't tell me it's ooc.

allen’s very protective over his white headband - it’s his lucky item - but he’d never let anyone know that

he’s confident in his abilities like the rest of them, but there’s nothing wrong with wearing a headband just in case

(nash knows anyway)

they watch nba matches together and do not shut up once throughout the entire match - lots of jeering, booing each other if someone criticises a player they like, lots of “i could do that”, lots of “get your fucking hand out of my popcorn do you want me to punch you in the face” etc

they used to all live together, but nash has since moved out. he was sick and tired of trying to make people do chores, as the only one who kept their room clean.

yeah the others’ house looks like a heap of trash but also very much “where’s my toothbrush?” “it’s in the third coke can by the orange peel behind the sink” *silence* “yeah thanks” *a minute later* “who the fuck has been using my toothbrush”

they’re all “bro your dribbling sucks why are you on this team loser” to one another, but also very protective (aka arrogant for one another) if anyone else Dared to criticise one of their teammates

then again, what kind of person would criticise jabberwock

half of the time he spends with jabberwock, nash is a Single Mother TM trying to get a bunch of man children to behave; the other half of the time, he's just as bad as the rest of them

i talk about this a lot but i get the feeling nash is an exceptionally hard worker, but at least he gets to let his hair down around his teammates sometimes

nash is also the only person jason thought was truly ‘strong’ at first sight

and nash is also the only person who can beat jason in a fight, and also the only person who can get nash to train, and also the only person who can.. [etc. you see my point].

(n.b jason calls himself the ‘almighty me’, nash says that ‘even god can’t beat me’. point made.)

you know how jason silver’s motto is “I have never thought”

imagine him proudly stating that, before zack adds with a straight face, “yeah cause nash does it for you.”

in short, the team would fall apart without nash.

although the team’s communication and coordination is very fine tuned, nash is the guy who keeps everything in order off the court to prevent what is essentially a team of aces ('main characters', if you will) from falling apart

they hang out together a lot, but do all have other friend groups that do not overlap

team bbqs

unofficial rule not to criticise anchovies on pizza because the one time nick did, nash snapped

however pineapple on pizza is fair game, even though zack quite likes it

more than once, jason has brought a girl home and nick has stolen her attention away with effortless trick shots, funky ball manoeuvring etc

more than once nick has had to trek to nash’s place (with a black eye) at midnight to have somewhere to sleep

do you see a correlation?

oh and everyone in the team has been walked in on by nash when they were naked with some girl

nash has absolutely no shame

he apologises to the girl with a charming albeit insincere tone, and then remains standing in front of the bed/couch until his teammate does what he expected of them

usually it involves not having come to practice

allen learnt a few (emphasis on ‘few’) words of japanese before they travelled to japan and was disappointed that he never got to use them

that said, one of those words was hentai

and now a quick analysis of some panels

a) so there's at least one player who wasn't underestimating vorpal swords. if i were to overanalyse, i'd add that nick's wearing a hoodie (possibly athletic wear) whilst nash has a 'fancy' shirt on; perhaps nick wasn't expecting them to be going to host clubs instead of chilling/training?

b) i know what you're thinking: "how can you say nash is a hard worker when he didn't want to practice for the match". i reckon he was still pretty high on the complete and utter success of their previous match, that plus being around girls, encouraged him to have a more 'jason-y' personality. (either that or fujimaki didn't want to add too much depth/realism into nash's character bc he's unequivocally the villain, right? and obviously this helps with the plot and the jabberwock bad geniuses gom good geniuses rhetoric.)

earlier, i mentioned how nash is the only one that could keep the team together, and is thus the undeniable head of the team; here's a clear example. you can see both jason and zack have no interest in continuing - if anything, there's disgust in their faces, kinda just saying "we spat on all of japan, now we can go home". whereas nash won't allow for the slightest of possibilities that there might exist a team stronger than them, and hence agrees to the match. the key thing here is that the others do as he says without too much fuss.

another thing to note is nash's reference to harakiri. now what can we make of that, alongside his proficiency in japanese, in relation to his character? the way i see it, he's either a weeb or possibly has some japanese lineage. (you could spin that even further and say his mother was japanese, taught him the language, then abandoned him, and hence his almost excessive hatred/mockery of the japanese people.) (is that why he wanted to do another match in japan..?)

just a quick point. "thanks to him" - jason isn't so superior as to think that he could win this match effortlessly without nash's support. links pretty nicely with my earlier idea about how nash is the only person jason has always considered 100% strong.

yet another point about how nash is the strongest of the team in pretty much every way you can think of. you know how scary/powerful you have to be to shut jason up (after he's getting real pissed from being prevented from scoring?)

i personally think this is a pretty important panel, though i've never seen anyone mention it before. did nash grow up training in a professional basketball training situation, as opposed to growing up playing streetball like i suspect the others did? well, to answer that question, imma bring in another panel.

here we see visible rage on nick, zack and jason's faces - they can't accept their loss, which is fair enough. but i'd argue that nash's face seems to depict sadness more than it does anger like to rest of them, look at how downturned his mouth is - and he's looking away from the 'camera', as if hiding his shame.

when you combine that with what he says here, i have no doubt that this is someone who has experienced some proper lows in basketball - as would be expected from someone who's played 'properly'. he's possibly not even a prodigy like the rest of them - compare jason's motto with his. "i have never thought" versus "do not suppose opportunity will knock twice at your door".

there's various lines of thinking you could design with this - he might have been trained by alex (hence, himuro having heard of jabberwock, though he should have known of a team as popular of jabberwock regardless), he might have grown up with professional basketballer parents etc. but here's my own little theory:

nash received serious basketball training from early on - maybe because his parents were living vicariously through him, or maybe he always loved the sport and wanted to be no1. so there he was training away, but, as he grew older, it started getting all a bit too much.

he didn't want to dedicate his entire life to basketball. after all, his hobby is water sports and his speciality is boxing; that's a lot of different things to be keeping up with, whereas the pipeline for promising athletes demands people focus solely on basketball. as a result, nash become bitter: stopped attending practice regularly, got in trouble for trash talk of increasing severity, etc.

result was he was kicked out of the program.

only when he was no longer playing basketball again, did he realise how much he missed it. and hence he got into streetball, where he was tremendously successful as someone with so much training, 'elite skills', and the overly confident attitude to boot.

then, one fateful day, he met jason and the rest is history.