#it's a matter of whether or not I main tag when I'm finished

[these-secondhand-wings]

Regretevator fandom would I get mauled for making a fursuit- adjacent cosplay of Bive. I'm doing it either way, I'm just curious how well it would be received at cons and such

[thoughtsfromlayla]

26 Ways of Taking You: G for Grinding

Summary: Your famous last words: "until my thighs fall off"

Notes:~700 words, @dragon-kazansky sent me this photo and I just... I needed to write something about it. Also happy father's day cause Dream is daddy :)

Warnings/Tags: MDNI - 18+, riding sweet Morpheus, he guides you through it, overstimulation, queued post I'm still on hiatus

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

F for Face Sitting ⇆ H for Heat

“Make me proud, little one,” Morpheus’ voice brings you out of your post-orgasmic haze. 

Your hips begin to move again, grinding down on his cock as it brushes against the sensitive muscles of your twitching cunt. 

“Just like that,” He sighs below you, running a lithe finger down the length of your sweat-filled spine. “Indulge me. You can do more, I know you can, just like that,” Dream murmurs into your hair as he guides your hips above him. 

You crane your neck to look into his eyes, pupils blown wide in lust and desire. The room is penetrating with the smell of sex and arousal as you continue to fuck yourself into oblivion on his dick. 

You whine out as your muscles tremble from overexertion. How… how many orgasms has it been? How many has he taken from you? “I can’t, I can’t anymore!” You plea. 

Dream’s lips ghost over yours but stop short. “What did you say before this, my dear?” 

You shake your head with a whimper, hands gripping at his shoulders to stabilize yourself. Your hips are still moving on their own, the subdued pleasure racking through your body. 

“Let me help you remember,” He smirks and taps his fingers on your thighs. “Ride me until your thighs fall off, was it?” 

You’re shaking your head no while a powerful thrust from underneath has you keening and throwing your head back in pleasure. Dream’s hand finds itself amongst the roots of your hair, pulling harder and latching his lips to the canvas of your neck. 

He’s content with the number of bruising blossoms of love bites that is the beauty of your neck, but he tells himself that there could always be more. 

“Please, please,” You’re not sure what you’re asking for any more, the words tumbling out of your mouth. 

His sincerity is braided between pride and hubris as he watches you continue to move above him. Sweat clings to your hairline and mixes with the dry tears on your lashes. 

“Do you need help cumming, little one?” He hums as he sees your pupils dilate further. His fingers leave your hair, snaking between your slick bodies instead. 

Morpheus could stay like this forever, with nothing between your bodies except for the mixture of cum and love between the two of you. He loves watching your face scrunch as you convulse around him. 

It didn’t matter what part of him, whether his dick, fingers, or tongue, it’s all the same. The face you make, the screams you cry when you lose yourself to ecstasy is something he can watch over and over again without getting tired of. 

He presses down on your lower stomach and feels himself underneath, a small smile grows on his face. You nod feverishly as another plea tumbles out of your lips.  

“Here?” He asks sweetly as his thumb presses into your swollen clit. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” You chant, your fingers rake down the length of his arm.

You have newfound energy with the promise of yet another orgasm on the horizon. Morpheus plays with the flesh, never keeping to the same pattern. He alternates between pinching, to circling, to simply tapping at the abused clit. 

“Please,” You sob again, clenching around him.

Dream groans underneath you but listens for once. His fingers fall in pattern to his thrusts, holding onto your harder as your walls begin to tighten around his cock. 

“Just like that, you are perfect,” He praises roughly into your eyes. 

His words trip you over, your orgasm burning through you like a forest fire. Your body finds itself between heaven and Earth as the pleasure racks to each nerve ending. It engrains itself into your system and memory as Dream finishes himself, holding you flush to his hips as he releases his cum into the deepest part of you. 

Goosebumps pop across your arms as Morpheus’ slender arms wrap themselves around your overheating body. Despite the embrace, it cools you down as he shushes your overstimulated sobs into his neck. 

“Did‒did I do good?” You hiccup, your eyelids growing heavy.

“Perfect, you did perfectly,” He praises once again.

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

F for Face Sitting ⇆ H for Heat

[seventeenlovesthree]

Since I don't think I'll get to sit down to draw any more time-consuming pieces over the next two weeks, I thought about taking a look at how "well" my art has been doing this year.

I know, I know, I KNOW. Art shouldn't be measured by how "successful" it is. I shouldn't judge my progress by "the number of likes" or anything along those lines, but... Being an artist on tumblr has really left an impact on my self-esteem, especially because a lot of things, projects, challenges, doodles I've been invested in didn't cause much resonance at all. Which, considering how I'm mostly residing in a low-key fandom, shipping mainly ships that aren't exactly mainstream, makes perfect sense. So yes, one could say that I am a somewhat self-indulgent creator that, yes, mainly creates stuff for herself - and the 2-3 people who really enjoy my niche interests and are silent lurkers/rebloggers or scream into the tags void (you know who you are and I am incredibly thankful for you)!

But still, I couldn't help but wonder which were my most liked/reblogged art pieces of 2024 - including all posts of mine that got at least 100 notes. And it really turns out that there's been a pattern there: First of all, I am truly honoured, because the majority of these depict characters (and even series) I do NOT draw on a regular basis. So the fact that they still got so much attention makes me incredibly happy. Second of all, the majority of these are pieces that took several days, some even weeks to finish. Which, once again, gets me quite giddy, because it means that all the hard work paid off!

Last but not least - it gives an insight on how tumblr's fanbases work and that is just incredibly interesting to me. Characters/ships from "The Amazing Digital Circus" are pretty popular these days, especially because a new episode has been released just recently. When it comes to Digimon, it's not a loud fandom, there isn't exactly a lot of unity, but there certain niches for characters and ships alike that are unbelievably dedicated. Whether you take Takari - and Takeru and Hikari on their own -, Jyou or Yamato... You WILL find followers/enjoyers of those around once you look closely. I'm still relieved that one of my "main blorbos" and my "OTP" still made it into the top 10 - it still validates my personal dedication to keep these dorks alive and around, no matter what happens.

If you're interested in all the stuff I've been working on this year, check out my art masterpost and my general masterpost here.

Thank you so much for 2024!!!

[hush-house-yard-sale]

The Hush House Card Catalogue

@baja-blasted @terephin (please ignore the crabs)

//So the software I'm using to keep track of my books, lore bits, etc. is called Seatable! It wasn't my first choice for this project, I'm more familiar with Airtable (I've used it professionally), but Airtable's free plan doesn't let you color-code :c

//Seatable is a website that looks a lot like google sheets, but instead of building a spreadsheet, you're building a database. I knew I wanted a database rather than a spreadsheet for my card catalogue because it became pretty apparent early on that a spreadsheet would mean a lot of duplicate entries and be a lot more work to maintain, as well as monumentally more work if I wanted to use it for reference.

//My database isn't finished, and so I'm not really comfortable making it public, but I'm happy to walk through some of the things that I like most about it, that made me choose to make a database rather than a spreadsheet.

//The main things that were really important to me was being able to have (and filter by) multiple items in the same column, having lots of cross-linking between the different sheets in the base, and having different views depending on what I was looking to reference.

//These are my different tables right now, and the way they work is that each table has the most detailed information on each item, e.g. Books has the most detail on books, and Skills has the most detail on skills. But I have columns in each table that allow me to crosslink between them.

//So for each book, I have listed the skill and memory they give, but instead of writing each out individually it links to the corresponding entry in skills/memories

//And then over in the memories tab it has all the detail on the aspects, which wisdoms it can be committed to...

//...and every book this skill can be found in and every item it can be used to craft. And those boxes can be expanded so they're easier to read as well!

//I can also group and sort things in different views. My default view for books, for example, splits them into two categories—whether I've read the book or not—and then sorts the books in each category alphabetically. But I also have one that groups them all by mystery and then sorts them from low to high, and I have another that groups them by topic. Each of these views also omits columns that aren't relevant to that particular view, for example, if I'm searching for books by mystery to give to a visitor, it's important to know the author because it's fun to give people books they themselves have written, but I don't really care about what memories that book gives, or when I'm trying to connect lore dots, it doesn't matter whether or not the book is cursed and I don't need to include books I haven't read yet (and thus don't have topic tags for). The rows on the topic one are also bigger so I can better read the blurbs.

//Well, the topic one actually groups by location, because when I group it by topic, it splits it into every combination of my topic tags, rather that giving me "here are all your books about the mansus" "here are all your books about Longs and Names" so I've stored them all in different places in the house depending on what books I think are relevant to one another.

//It's still in progress, I don't have everything written down yet, and I want more data for workbenches, and I want to try and see if there's a way for it to, say, auto-match skills/souls to workbenches for committing to the tree or crafting certain recipes. Also my color-coding is in shambles bc I'm waiting for a friend to recover from covid so that they can make me a greasemonkey script to make it a little less... corporate...

//But yeah! I like it a lot, and it works really well for my purposes. I highly recommend trying it out, and I'm happy to answer questions!

[bcbdrums]

Given the fact that we were talking about our perceptions of certain kinds of ships in regards to Stein and how they suit or do not suit his character, how do you feel about smut/the relationship dynamics within Stein x character smut fics?

All righty then...! Here comes a very long rambling of my headcanons about Stein, his two primary relationships, and his relationship with those deeper intimacies. This takes some turns before it gets to the main point but well, I love talking about this man. Extremely long post under the cut.

Also - there are two blogs I tag at the very end of this post - you two feel free to ignore all my ramblings, just know I praise you both at the end and I still re-read your Soul Eater stories VERY regularly.

I'm truthfully still trying to reorganize my thoughts on this specific topic because 1) I have listened to many a headcanon from others on the subject and I always try to give validity to their thoughts even when they differ from mine, and 2) I've also read tons of smut fic with Stein out of sheer desperation for...well, Stein fic. (Come on Stein fandom where you at? Write me some gen fic too, lol)

I have not read too many fics of him with Marie cuz those always contain manga spoilers so I'm skipping those for now until I finish reading (exactly halfway through!). So what I've read is mostly Stein/Spirit smuts and just a couple with Marie, and I want to say….almost zero?? I think zero of those fics (and boy I've read plenty) have "hit the spot" in terms of what I would want for a Stein smut. They're good stories, in some cases great stories, well-written and thoughtfully conceived, but they're not fitting my headcanons and interpretations of who I see onscreen (and who I see in the manga so far).

All that said now… Some of my own relevant headcanons for him, and then I'll get more into fic of others.

I go back and forth toying with the idea that Stein experimented with intimacy just a little as a teen. He's not immune to puberty and hormones; he's human whether he likes it or not, which isn't to say mind over matter doesn't work for him. (Clearly it does, in staving off madness among other things.) But he's a scientist. He's curious. And I can see him justifying an experiment or two in his teen years. But they would in fact be just that, experiments. It's still a big maybe. I can't say for certain he would, it's the sort of thing like…if all the dots line up just right, he'd attempt it. If not, he wouldn't. And it would only be with those two people: Marie and/or Spirit. He doesn't trust anyone else enough. (Yes, I'm on board with the popular fanon that Marie was one of his other weapon partners after Spirit.)

Another teen headcanon... I can also easily see a sort of angsty distraction possibility for him. When he loses Spirit to Kami, I can see him getting into a "romantic" relationship with Marie as sheer distraction, and even misguided retaliation. Spirit "cheated" on him with another meister and abandoned him, so why shouldn't he do the same with another weapon? Which sucks for Marie but well she's not healthy about relationships any more than Stein or Spirit are. But this is just another sort of maybe-thought; another situation where all the dots would have to line up just right for him to go for it. But I can see it, no question, just like the prior thought.

As for Stein as an adult, at the point we see him in the show… While I think relationally he and Spirit have the most interesting dynamic to explore, the one he shows more openness toward is Marie. It's clear that he cares for her. And he doesn't fully understand that either. Now I don't think he wants to get into bed with her, or marry her, or anything traditional to a romance. But I also don't think Marie is going anywhere. Thinking post-anime now…. Unless he gives her a sign that there is nothing between them, I think she's staying put. But sadly for her, I think there is something between them... Sadly because, Stein doesn't know what it is, and it's not "love" the way that Marie wants it. It's just something he's unfamiliar with. Meanwhile she's devoted to him, poor woman.

Now, end of the anime… Let's talk about this…. Marie helps him back to sanity with her healing wavelength. But…then he's just "okay"? No he isn't. Look at that man. His dark circles are darker, his eyes are more haunted. That man has been living off madness and cigarettes for weeks. When is the last time he ate anything? Showered? Legitimately got any sleep?? How he's even standing up let alone fighting Medusa is beyond me, and then he performs freaking major surgery and then waltzes into the death room afterward like he's fine. Because...that's who Stein is.

Stein will fight until he is incapable of fighting anymore, to serve those he loves. Yes I said loves. And it is agonizing how much he strives to show his love for others, and it's something he doesn't even realize he has within him. He thinks he can't understand love? It's because he feels it so deeply and passionately it's beyond definition. Part of this however I'm also certain is motivated from his deep desire for purpose as an adult. The manga shows that aspect of his character even more-so than the anime (in what I've read so far). That man is desperate for purpose and to belong somewhere, with someone. He can't escape his human nature even if he doesn't understand it, can't define it, and even though it drives him crazy all on its own…

So bringing this back to Marie… End of the anime. I don't think Marie is leaving. She's gonna stay, help nurse Stein back to health and sanity despite his pretending he's fine (or perhaps even sheer ignorance of his condition), and Stein…is gonna be confused the whole dang time about his feelings for Marie. He knows he feels something but he has no idea what it is or how to process it. But "love" in the romantic sense he doesn't possibly consider, because well...his conceptions of that sort of thing aren't based in anything healthy (see: Spirit's relationships).

So yeah… She's not leaving. He won't reject her attentions because he does care about her, just not in a way he understands and also not in the way she wants. And as she starts to realize that he has some kind of feeling for her, I think she'd turn up the romance and she'd make a move on him. OR…she'd play the extremely...long...patient game, and wait for him to make a move on her, when it's within his comfort zone. And let me be clear… This man still does not know what love is in this traditional sense, does not understand love. He knows what physical attraction and hormones are and darn him he can't shake those either, but as an adult he wouldn't act impulsively on them nor would he confuse them with love. Stein is the ultimate master of mind over matter. If he were to sleep with her, it would be a choice; a decision he makes consciously and deliberately. I see this within the realms of possibility. But if he chooses it himself, if he's the one who makes that decision simply out of his wanting to…it would be a long, long time that that woman is waiting for him. But I do think it possible. The question is simply, how long will she wait. And she's also the type to try to stir things up (see: her behavior toward Joe in the manga). So who knows when they may end up in bed together... These dots are more complicated to align than those of his teenage years. And if Marie made the move first...I think he'd accept it. Because, see again, his wanting to belong with someone, and he knows he feels something different with Marie.

As for Spirit, well... Stein sees that Spirit likes women. And Stein sees that Spirit can't commit. I think Stein "loves" Spirit more than he loves Marie. First love, young love... Spirit is the relationship of his life, even though that's yet another thing he cannot possibly understand. I think that while part of him, the mad obsessive part, and the curious part, does want to be close to Spirit in the intimate way…it's not out of a healthy desire or even typical motivations. It would come from a desire to possess, from his deeply human but inexplicable yearning to be closer to the one he loves even though it's not the right type of love for that type of intimacy. Not really sure Spirit would be all-in if Stein were to make the move... I think Spirit would take persuading. It's another circumstance where all the dots have to line up just right, and in this case probably more while caught up in madness than in sanity. Because as previously mentioned… In his right mind, Stein knows that Spirit likes women and more importantly that Spirit cannot commit. And he's ironically smart enough to know not to attempt a traditional human romance with someone who cannot commit. I don't think Stein would himself attempt intimacy with Spirit in his right mind at all, unless something happened to make him utterly desperate not to lose the man... Another instance of, all those dots have to connect.

But ugh, the angst. Spirit abandoned him after five years... Stein is not going to willingly subject himself to possible heartbreak again. Plus, he does not think Spirit has forgiven him for the "experiments." I think he thinks Spirit only hangs around him now as an adult as his handler, despite desperately wanting his friendship again. But I think he figures it's a lost cause so he just takes what is offered and never pursues more.

Okay but before I digress further into my endless thoughts about Stein's and Spirit's relationship (I'll do another post for that maybe), back to the point of your question.

I am really not one for labels, partially because I don't understand them but also because I think the spectrum is just so deep and too much defies definition. But if I were to label him, I guess I'd go with...gray ace with demi leanings…?

The man is driven only by curiosity, about anything and everything. But the level of intimacy we're talking about is more than he ever wants to trust anyone with. It's always gotta be on his terms, and more often than not…his terms would be unhealthy.

So let's talk about what shows up in fanfic, since that was what the original question was about. And once again, I like to lend validity to everyone's interpretation. Just because it isn't mine doesn't mean it's wrong or shouldn't exist. But you did ask about MY thoughts, so that's what I'm sharing here.

Once again, I've barely touched Stein/Marie fic because I'm avoiding manga spoilers. In the one or two I've seen, he comes across as not connecting emotionally in the typical way, but knowing that there is indeed something different about being with her. He knows she cares about him, and he cares in return. But it doesn't come across as anything intimate on his side of it. This isn't a characterization I particularly like, because Stein as an adult... As I said, I think he'd choose that intimacy if and when he wants it. In the stories, it comes across more as him just doing her a favor, just going along. It doesn't sit right. But like I said, that's only two stories. For other Stein/Marie, I reserve opinion for later.

Stein/Spirit... Okay. I've noticed a great many commonalities in the fics I've read. And this isn't a taste or preference thing; like I said I have devoured almost every smut fic just in desperation for any fanfic of them. Would prefer more gen fic less smut personally, but anyway.

Most fics have Stein in the dominant role, Spirit in the submissive role. I understand that interpretation but it's not how I see them. I see them as equals if they were to get into that type of intimacy. There is often a lot of bloodplay, frequently madness on Stein's part, major instances of non-con, pet play, BDSM, sometimes light cannibalism... It all suggests an impersonal and unhealthy relationship most of the time, which again...is not at all how I see them if they were to become a couple. Could such things come about? Unhealthily, possibly. But darn me and my desire for happy endings.

These two men are so broken, that if they were to become a healthy couple...I feel like it would be slow, cautious...extremely hesitant. There is extreme distrust on both sides, and also misconceptions about how the other feels. Which...I will save that analysis for later. Focusing back on smut fic.

I have seen only a few that touch on the give and take in a trusting relationship (all by the same author) that come closest to what I feel is accurate to the characters onscreen as I see them, but still the emphasis is too much on lust. It still isn't hitting the spot for me due to a lack of that relational development... Make no mistake, the stories are great, but I personally am hoping for something much deeper.

In my view, Stein just does not seek out physical intimacy in that way. I don't think he can fully escape the innate human need for touch, but in terms of a drive to get into bed with anyone... I think the occasional human desire for it crops up, and he easily ignores it/packs it away because it's not useful to him. It doesn't bother him. He doesn't think about it.

So this is where that...gray-ace, demi vibe comes into play for my view of him. Talking about Stein here as an adult and in control of himself, not consumed by madness... This is I supposed a bit of a summation of my thoughts.

If he did get into a relationship with anyone (and again I think his only choices are Spirit and Marie), it would not be based on the physical at all. I also don't think he would rush into any relationship. It would be a long process before he trusted the person enough to consider them a romantic partner. And really, we could get away from the word romance entirely... Life-partner is a better word, in Stein's case. If the person wanted physical intimacies, I think he would be responsive to that. The other person would be in the lead, but in no way dominating. It would have to be an equal trust thing or else Stein would nope out hard. Stein would gradually learn what it is he likes physically, and how to give his partner what they want. He can come to enjoy it because this is his life-partner, the one he belongs with, the one who needs him and is part of his purpose. But again...the physical is not something that drives him at all. Not in how I see him portrayed onscreen or in the manga.

So, overall, in my point of view nearly all smut fics miss the mark. Now...the stories I've seen where I think the physical intimacy is nailed don't even get to smut. Those are the stories by @asymmetryestablished (AO3 NothingSoDivine) and their characterizations of Stein and Spirit defy description in any words I have. The other author who nails it is @wispforever (same on AO3) and the closest to physical intimacy they get is dancing, but my gosh still the characterizations are utter perfection. I will be re-reading y'all's Stein/Spirit stories forever.

I hope I did in fact answer your question, but overall, I was delighted to just spill out so many of my thoughts about Stein even if in summary form. Yes this was a summary... Okay. I'm done. Thanks.

[obsidian-metalhead]

I made a comic strip the other day. I'm trying to photocopy it off in order to make the lines a lot darker to show up more online. I posted the first draft already. When I finish tinkering around with the final draft I will post it and tag you in it.

I wanted to ask, how is it being a guy? Are you happy?

I’m definitely more comfortable as myself. I don’t feel like a gay man trapped in a woman’s body as often. Still have a lot of the same interests aside from the normal loss of interest in a few things and the normal pick up of interests in other things. There’s not a huge difference in being a man vs being a woman. People think I’m younger than I am due to my height so I don’t get treated much differently from strangers, there’s little to note on that, other than the fact I’ve been catcalled way more often. And people do look at me funny no matter how plain I dress. I’ve started wearing whatever I want since it’s not like I get all that different stares whether I’m wearing a crop top or a Pokémon shirt. So I wear “girlier” clothes than I used to from time to time. I still haven’t had any surgeries, I’m still going to be looking for a doctor that doesn’t leave me looking like a gutted fish. I’m still at the same number as friends when we met but it’s not too bad since I can keep myself busy with art and watching dumb YouTube drama lol. Trying to think of what all to say haha. But really the main difference is feeling more like myself. Deeper voiced and very hairy lol. Life’s the same but different like I was wearing the wrong sized shoes but I’ve finally grown into them somehow.

I look forward to seeing your comic I’ve been enjoying seeing your creativity. It’s been nice seeing art differently, it actually spurs ideas out for me, gives me a new thought.

[dantent]

Chapter 4 - You Won't Believe What Just Happened (Silco x OC)

Tags: 𝘼𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙩 | 𝙁𝙡𝙪𝙛𝙛 | 𝙍𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 | 𝙎𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝘽𝙪𝙧𝙣 | 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙖𝙡 𝙎𝙢𝙪𝙩 | 𝙁𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙁𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙮 | 𝙃𝙪𝙧𝙩/𝘾𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 |

Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence

A couple days went by since Jinx's last visit. Ren got back into their routine in the meantime. The brothel was the same as ever, blooming with customers, which only meant more money for the mechanic. Babette paid them truly fairly with all the work they were doing for the brothel. Over the last month Ren was able to somewhat befriend most of the workers, and often decided to join them outside to smoke. Sometimes people thought Ren was a worker as well and requested their services. Now, Ren certainly didn't have a lot of fun in Piltover, so they often indulged those who asked them. 

Today was just like any other day, spending their break by smoking outside with their co-workers. The Undercity was dark as ever, only being lit by the countless green neon lights. One could barely tell so deep down if it was daytime or nighttime, and sometimes it truly didn't matter in Zaun. This life certainly had it's own appeal, or perhaps everyone in Zaun was so accustomed to it that they couldn't imagine a different life. Ren had seen what life is like with the pilties but the Undercity always remained their home. No matter how many years they spent on top, a part of them wished to see their home. 

If you looked hard enough, you could find some form of unity among fissure-folk. The way bartenders weren't to be messed with because everyone in the bar would fight for the person who pours the drinks. Or perhaps the way zaunites stood together against the discrimination from the enforcers. Even some of their traditions proved that Zaun did indeed have unity among the residents. Standing outside and smoking in front of a brothel without being disturbed could also be counted as a proof because no one messes with the sex workers. 

"So you remember the girl I was telling you about, right? The one I met at the market." one of the workers tore Ren out of their thoughts. 

"The one with the mullet?" asked another. 

"Yes, the very same!"

The twins - Sera and Oskar - engaged in a very enthusiastic conversation. Both of them had the same fair, almost doll-like complexion that Ren found absolutely fascinating. They even wondered whether or not the two wore some sort of masks while working. But their faces weren't the only thing almost too pure for Zaun. The twins enjoyed dressing in lighter colors, making them look as elegant as a piltie. Ren supposed that this fact was the main reason the twins were so popular with piltie customers. 

"What about her?" Oskar questioned his sister. 

"I finally gathered the courage to ask her on a date." she smiled, earning a gasp from her brother. 

"No way!" the boy laughed in a high-pitched voice. "Someone actually wants to date you? I'm surprised."

"Oh, you!" Sera punch him in the arm, before continuing her story. "So, the date went really well, thank you for asking."

"Maybe you scared her so much she was afraid of saying no to you." Oskar turned away from his sister to hide his smile. 

"Quit it!" she rolled her eyes. "She asked me on another date! Not me! That's what I was trying to say."

The boy huffed a laugh as he congratulated his sister. Ren did the same, asking some further questions about the date to not seem impolite. Sera was always very talkative so she kindly told both of them every detail of that night. What mattered was that the girl made her happy, so her brother approved of the two. There was, of course, the usual "if she hurts you I will kill her" monologue but besides that they continued the teasing. 

Besides the occasional conversations and smoking breaks, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Ren finished all their tasks for the day and decided to head home when the janitor from the next shift came into the brothel. The mechanic wished them good luck before heading out. Ren had a habit of going on different routes each day to make it harder to ambush them. Were they sure that it was going to happen? No, but it's better safe than sorry. 

Inside their apartment Ren locked the door and placed a chair just under the doorknob. They could be called paranoid but anyone would do this in their place; not like it was unusual for people in Zaun to do this. After securing their apartment, they dragged themselves to the kitchen area and made a fast meal. Pushing the hung up punching bag out of the way, they finally got to the couch and started eating. It wasn't exactly a healthy meal but it was good enough to keep them alive. The only thing Ren heard besides the faint noises as the spoon hit their plate, was the usual commotion outside; but that became silent after the first week or so and they just got used to it.

Before them, the punching bag swung around from the previous move. Ren watched it as they ate from the cereal bowl in their lap. They purchased the punching bag not too long ago, determined to get stronger and increase their chances at survival. Oftentimes, they walked over to the broken mirror on the wall after a workout and checked if they got any more muscular. The mechanic wasn't seeing much progress but their co-workers have complimented them before, so surely it was working. Not that they expected to get muscular all of a sudden; they knew it wasn't that easy, but they hoped it would happen fast. 

Many attacks occurred at the brothel and Ren often had to step in and protect the others, which also meant that they got themselves beaten countless times. Ren was no bodyguard by any means, but years of lifting heavy weights at the workshop made them strong enough to stand their ground. But not even that made them as muscular as they needed to be to survive. Gaining muscles not only meant that less people would mess with them but it also made them less likely to recognize. Back in their childhood Ren was rather a skinny kid and the person they ran from only remembers that scared kid, not a muscular mechanic. 

The apartment was far too quiet for their liking, with almost zero entertainment besides the few books they found either in the trash or at a low price on the market. Ren was never much of a reader but even their standards were higher than some of the things they had found in the trash. This is one of the main reasons they either spent their time in the brothel or at a bar. Given that they worked a night shift today, going to a bar was out of question. They had a place in mind though. 

Once they finished their meal, Ren took their keys and left the apartment. As soon as they were out of the building, they were hit with the bustling Undercity. Everyone hurrying about, talking loudly and laughing at each other. Ren watched as some people took turns to drink from a bottle as they stood in an alley, talking about whatever. Just down the block, a tattoo artist was opening up while people stood at his door. Kids ran around with a hefty pouch in their hands, no doubt stolen from one of the passersby. 

The mechanic still remembered the way and they got to the workshop as usual. Ren stopped in their tracks once they saw the familiar shop sign. This was the last piece of their past in Piltover they had not buried yet. It was foolish of them to seek out the shop but they wanted to let Piper and her dad know that they were alright. As the owner of the shop, Mazen surely knew about the explosion and Ren didn't want to leave him wondering if they died in the flames as well. So they gathered all their courage and stepped inside. 

Ren and Mazen made eye contact as they walked inside. For a moment, neither of them said anything. Clearly, the owner was shocked that the mechanic came back and Ren didn't quite know what to say. So both of them stood there for a couple seconds, before the backdoor opened and with a loud gasp, Piper ran straight to the mechanic.

"Ren!" she screamed as she jumped in their arms. 

"Hey munchkin." Ren chuckled as they lifted her up and spun around, earning a giggle from her. 

"I knew you'd be back! I told dad!" Piper jumped around once she was put down. She excitedly looked in her dad's direction.

"Ren." Mazen nodded as he came closer. He was taller than them, not surprisingly since Ren was quite short. 

"Mazen." the mechanic returned the gesture.

"Why don't you go back to your room, Pip?" the man smiled at his daughter. "I have something to discuss with Ren."

"But-"

"No buts, princess. This is adult stuff." he shook his head.

"Fine." the girl pouted before walking away. She glanced at her dad one last time before disappearing behind the door. 

As soon as she left, Mazen let out a tired sigh. He turned to Ren and the mechanic felt a certain coldness wash over them. They knew when they weren't wanted somewhere but the feeling still stung. For a moment Mazen watched the mechanic silently. 

"What happened?" he finally decided to ask. 

"Besides the shop blowing up?" Ren chuckled but it left a sour taste in their mouth. Their smile soon was wept from their face when Mazen didn't laugh along. "I was the only one who survived and because of my heritage here in Zaun-"

"They framed you?" the man snorted before looking away. He shook his head, deep in thought. 

"Well, not really." they tried explaining. "The sheriff knew I was innocent but he said that the pilties were uncomfortable so... I was sent away."

"Back to Zaun?" he finally turned back. "Isn't the whole reason you left the Undercity the fact that you will die if you stay here?"

"Yeah, that." Ren gently rubbed their robotic hand while speaking. "Uhm, I'm unsure how much time I have left until. Well. My past catches up."

Mazen nodded. His face looked confident, yet the look in his eyes broke Ren's heart. It was cold. Colder than they had ever seen it. Ren knew what was about to be said but they hoped that their tired expression and knitted eyebrows could convince the man otherwise.

He put his hand on their right shoulder and squeezed just enough so they could feel it. "Listen to me, Ren. You're a good kid. You work hard to stay alive in this cruel world but still find it in yourself to be kind to the innocent. Don't ever let the Undercity take this from you."

There was a pause.

"But?" Ren whispered.

"I don't know what you got yourself into when you fled but it could be a danger to me, and more importantly to my daughter." Mazen sighed. "I truly hope that one day you will find a way to leave the past behind but until then, please don't come to us."

Ren expected the words but they still hurt. They knew it was for the best, of course. But a part of them, still hurt from having to start their life over, wanted to hold onto the last bit of memories they had. It was a childish wish, one they knew very well wouldn't be granted. Yet they still wished they wouldn't have to let go of Mazen and Piper. 

"I understand." they managed to say. Ren truly understood; if the person who was looking for them found out how close they were to the family, they would be his prime target. 

Mazen gave them a final squeeze before letting go. "I'm sorry, Ren. I hope you find a place to belong to."

With that, Mazen turned away and walked behind the counter. Ren nodded, more to themselves than anything, then turned around left the shop. Their footsteps were frantic and hurried, not even acknowledging those they bumped into. When they finally arrived home, they simply tossed the keys on the table and sat down on the couch. They buried their face in their hands as they tried taking deep breaths to calm themselves down. But it wasn't helping. In a fit of rage, they stood up and started punching the bag in front of them as hard as they could. Ren didn't quite know how much time had passed but by the time they stopped, there were clear bruises on their right knuckles and their robotic hand felt soar. 

Ren flopped on the bed, defeated. They were tired. So tired. Not just because of being awake all night but by constant course of their life. It didn't matter what they wanted or how much they worked for it; in the end it was all taken from them. None of it was fair. All of this made Ren feel like whatever or whoever they got close to, would be taken away from them again and again. Without end. It exhausted them to no end;  and within minutes they fell asleep. 

Everything hurt as their feet touched the ground again and again. Ren bumped into a trashcan but it didn't matter; they couldn't stop running. They held their left hand in the other, squeezing it. A red liquid flew down their arm, leaving trails behind them. They breathed heavily, each breath almost sounding like a small scream from their mouth. 

Heavy footsteps followed behind but Ren wouldn't dare to turn back. All their mind could think of was to run and never stop. Yet the streets seemed never ending. With each turn they took, they just entered another long alley. They almost fell over their own feet but caught themselves just in time. With a quick glance, they looked at their left hand. A giant cut stood between the middle and ring finger. It started from the middle of their palm and completely severed the connection between their fingers. Were they not holding it together, they hand would quite literally fall apart. 

They sobbed as they ran. Ren didn't quite know what hurt more, the cut in their hand or knowing who did it. With a gulp they looked up again and to their horror, it seemed they didn't move one bit for the past minutes. They could hear the footsteps getting closer and closer, and louder than before. No matter how hard they tried to run, their feet moved but they were staying in one place. Ren let go of their damaged hand and tried to hold onto the wall and drag themselves forward, but everything seemed to get further away from them. Almost as if the walls moved away. 

Footsteps so loud they could be a giant's came up just behind them. "Found you."

Ren woke up at that exact moment. With a loud gasp they sat up on the couch and looked around, their fist clenched to defend themselves. Yet the only thing they saw was their dark apartment, only being lit up from the neon lights outside. The mechanic reached to their chest, feeling the insane pumping of their heart. Ren tried taking deep breaths to calm themselves down. They glanced at their left hand, intact thanks to the robotic parts. Sometimes they still felt the pain of that night. Ren reached out to rub their hand, but a loud banging at their door stopped them in their track. 

The mechanic waited for a second, trying to decide if they heard it right. When they were just about to calm down, another loud banging came. Ren stood up quickly and rushed to the kitchen, grabbing the biggest knife they could find. Then they slowly approached the door. Another banging came. It sounded like whoever was standing outside was getting impatient. Ren slowly walked to the door, careful not to be heard by the person. Once they arrived, they got on their tip toes and stared through the peephole. They only saw a few blue strands of hair from this angle. Ren sighed when they realised who was standing outside and unlocked the door immediately. 

"Finally!" Jinx exclaimed and slipped through the opening as soon as she could. She closed the door with her foot, not even looking back at it. "What took you so long?"

"I just woke up Jinx," Ren rubbed their closed eyes, "I'm sorry I made you wait."

"Wha'?" her head whipped around, glaring at the mechanic with those big blue eyes of hers. "Dad says it's not good to sleep in the daytime."

"Your dad is right," they nodded, "mostly."

"Mostly?" she tilted her head. 

"I work night shifts sometimes." they shrugged. "When I do that, I have no chance but to sleep in the daytime."

"Hmmm, pops often works at night as well but I never see him sleep." she thought to herself. "Oh, whatever. Old man barely ever does anything healthy for himself. And he's the one who always scolds me for not being healthy! Can you imagine?"

She began to ramble again, as she so often did. Ren just smiled to themselves and listened to her. Jinx was talking about how many times her dad told her to eat healthier and how hypocritical he was. As any teenage girl would, Jinx also felt the need to rebel against her father at any given moment. The mechanic could tell that she had a lot of admiration for her dad but still enjoyed to oppose him. Both of them moved over to the couch to get more comfortable. As the girl started yet another story, it occurred to Ren that they never told the her where they lived.

"Jinx, hold up for one second." they stopped her. 

She shut up immediately like someone who has been caught doing something they shouldn't be. "Wha'?"

"I never told you where I live." Ren stated it as a fact.

"Well, duh." Jinx rolled her eyes. "I have my ways, silly."

"Did Babette tell you?" 

"Nah, she wouldn't tell me even if I held a gun to her head." she laughed, resting her head on one of the pillows. 

"Then how-"

"You're asking so many boring questions today." she groaned. 

Ren sighed. It was clear that Jinx wasn't willing to tell. The mechanic made the decision not to press any further because they were afraid to scare her away. Ren really needed someone here with them, especially after their nightmare. Which they tried very hard to forget but it would take time. 

"Why did you come here then?" they tried to change the subject. 

"Why did I come?" she wondered to herself. Jinx genuinely seemed to forget for a second, before her mouth formed an 'oh' and her head excitedly whipped to Ren. "Right! I need your help with something! Back home."

"At your house?" Ren's eyes widened. "Jinx I don't think this-"

"You promised!" she yelled while pointing at them. They did, in fact, promise her that they'll help whenever she needed it. "You said you will always help me with mechanic stuff!"

"Yes but-"

"No buts!" Jinx shook her head before laughing. "Hah, butts..."

All of a sudden, she lunged at Ren and grabbed their right arm. Before they could say anything, Jinx was already dragging them to the door. They barely managed to get the keys and lock the door because Jinx was pulling on them. When they finally got out of the building, the girl started running, hand in hand with Ren. The mechanic didn't quite know what to do so they just went along with her plan. 

The two passed a few streets, almost knocking up everyone in their way. Ren apologised to as many people as they could before being dragged further. Jinx was laughing all the way, just like any kid would. In a way, this reminded the mechanic of their childhood. Always running around in the Lanes, laughing in the face of enforcers. Kids don't understand what's truly at stake when doing this but right at that moment, every zaunite child feels free. Freedom is what most children craved in the Undercity, and this was one of the few ways they could experience it. 

However, Ren started to become suspicious when they saw The Last Drop getting closer. Jinx seemed to be going straight to the bar. The mechanic blinked in shock when the girl basically jumped through the door. None of the guards stopped her, or even batted an eye at her sudden appearance. As soon as they stepped inside, Ren panicked and tore themselves away from the blue haired girl. Jinx turned back, raising her eyebrow at the mechanic. 

Once they felt brave enough to glance away from the girl, Ren looked around. The bar wasn't exactly up to their expectation. Multiple things seemed to be hanging from the ceiling, clearly broken off. There were countless broken tables and the paint on the wall got chipped off. Ren also noticed a few red spots about - most likely blood. The overhead lights were dim and radiated a sort of warmth but the neon lights - that were no doubt being used at night, when the bar is bustling with customers - were flickering. 

Heavy footsteps came from the stairs leading upstairs - probably connected to the balcony that looked over the club. Ren felt the need to run away, but Jinx has already grabbed them again. She pulled them further inside. Soon the person descending on the stairs appeared. A tall woman with a poncho over her left arm came into view. The woman stopped in her tracks when she laid eyes on Ren.

"Jinx, who the fuck is this?" she motioned at them with her right arm.

"Ugh, just leave us alone." Jinx rolled her eyes. 

The woman let out a grunt before stepping closer to the mechanic. Ren had to fight every muscle in their body not to appear scared. Those who looked afraid were the primal targets of Zaun. She looked them over, her eyes judging every inch of them. 

"Don't make me ask again." she leaned down, to get closer to their face. The woman definitely knew how imposing she was because she used her entire body to make Ren feel trapped.

"I'm Ren." they meant to say it with a confident voice but it came out as a rather quiet sentence. 

"Ren, huh?" she snorted. "I don't remember hiring you."

"Well yes, because they are working for me!" Jinx yanked them closer to her. 

"You can't bring strays to the Drop." she pinched the bridge of her nose before looking at the girl with piercing eyes. 

"Silco said I'm the one who'll fix the bar. This is my helper." the girl smiled mischievously. "So walk away, Sevika. Don't want to make pops angry, do ya?"

Ren slowly turned their head to Jinx. She was having a staring contest with the woman - Sevika. But Ren's eyes widened more than ever. They were such a fool to not make the connection before. The girl they seemed to befriend was none other than Silco's daughter. Babette had warned them to stay away and Ren absolutely didn't have a death wish. The mechanic gathered all their courage and cleared their throat. Sevika whipped her head to them, slightly squinting her eyes. 

"I don't want any trouble, so I will just lea-"

"No!" Jinx yelled. "Dad told me that I can use anything to get the bar back in shape. Ren is my helper. Suck it up."

Sevika groaned before turning away and walking to the bottles of alcohol. "Whatever, but don't come to me when they fuck something up. Silco's gonna kill them."

Jinx smirked before dragging Ren away. The mechanic wasn't okay with how their fate was decided but it wasn't as if they could argue against it. Jinx was the daughter of Silco - the King of the Undercity. One bad word to her could have them dead. Ren didn't know how to get out of this, and if they knew anything about Chem-baron business - which they knew plenty of -, they weren't going to succeed in that easily. 

The girl brought Ren to a music box, that seemed to be broken. It had a big dent in the front, clearly being kicked or punched multiple times. Next to it was a box full of tools. They were all painted with neon colors, often made to look like an animal. The box itself had a big monkey head painted on it in pink. Jinx excitedly turned to the mechanic and they looked at her with knitted brows. 

"So this is the first thing I need your help with." she pointed at the machine. "Thing's completely jammed and I just cannot get it open. I'm not even sure how I should fix it."

"Jinx." they whispered.

"But I'm sure you can figure it out." she waved her hand dismissively. "With that big, smart head of yours and whatnot."

"Jinx."

"Wha'?" the girl groaned and let her head fall back.

"You didn't tell me your dad was Silco." Ren tried being as quiet as they could be. 

Jinx fell silent for a moment, before she raised her head and looked back at Ren. Her face looked younger and her eyes seemed more glossy than usual. "Do you not like me anymore?"

Ren could barely hear her voice, which surprised to no end since Jinx was the liveliest person they ever met. They had realised that they accidentally hurt her feelings, so they sighed and put their right hand on her shoulder. 

"Of course I still like you, Jinx." they smiled down at her. "It's just that your dad..."

"I know." she looked down at her shoes and started playing with her hands behind her back. "I'm sorry I kept it from you."

Ren nodded. "It's... okay." It wasn't really okay but they didn't want to further upset the girl. She was still young and they doubted she fully understood what her dad was really doing. Besides, a rather selfish part of them didn't quite want to let go of the girl who seemed to be the only close friend they had. Not after being sent away from the workshop. 

"Don't leave. Please." Jinx looked back up again with puppy eyes. 

"I won't." the words came from their mouth before they could even think. 

Jinx's entire face changed in a span of seconds. From sad child, she turned into an excited teenager. She reached for the box and giddily gave it to Ren. They took it from her with an uncertain smile. 

"I have some other boring stuff to do." her entire body swayed when she said 'boring'. "So work on this. Please?"

"Okay, I'll see what I can do." Ren nodded and turned to the ruined machine. 

Jinx hopped away with a few giggles. Ren could see from the corner of their eye that Sevika was staring at them intently. They decided to ignore her and get straight to work. It might have been the best decision, given that they were sure this woman could easily beat them in a fight. And they also wanted to get done with this as soon as possible. 

So they checked out the damage on the machine. The front of it was definitely unsalvageable but the rest they could work with. After a few minutes of loosening up the metal, they were able to take it off and get a better look at the inside. They saw that a record was caught up in a some of the gear, making it bend in spiral. It hurt to look at the damaged record but they knew they couldn't save it. Thankfully the rest of the machine was relatively easy to fix. Only a few parts gave them a headache but it certainly wasn't the worst they've ever seen. Ren could save most of the records and was able to get it to play songs. 

They reported to Jinx, who was working on some of the neon lights. She gladly showed them the other things she needed help with and Ren got to work. Soon the girl finished on the other side of the bar and joined Ren in fixing up the lights under the bar counter. Ren asked what happened to the bar to become it's current state - since they assumed this wasn't it's original state. The girl explained that a fight broke out and the patrons almost destroyed everything before Sevika and the rest of the staff put them out. A part of Ren felt bad for the staff but a more logical part of them was even more terrified of Sevika now. 

Fixing the light underneath seemed quite the trouble. Unfortunately, Jinx had to run out with Sevika, not that they wanted to spend time with each other. So Ren was left alone in the bar; well as alone as they could be with the guards outside the Drop and that one guard who stood in front of the stairs. With a little thinking, Ren figured it must've been the way up to Silco. Not that they wanted to find out what was up there. The mechanic continued their work, hoping to get out of here alive. 

Some time later, when Ren was close to fixing all the issues with the lamps, they heard the entrance open and close. They assumed Sevika and Jinx returned, but was surprised when the girl didn't run up to them. However Ren did feel someone step next to them, but before they could turn towards the person, a voice called out. 

"And who might you be?" the voice was deep and husky. It sounded like nothing Ren heard so far. 

The mechanic jumped at the sudden noise and promptly hit their head in the edge of the counter. Their right hand shut up to their head as they turned around with a hiss. A man stood next to them, in fancy red clothing. Golden edges trimmed his vest, coat and even his boots. His seagreen eye was quite the contrast of his clothes. Ren could only see the right side of his face from this angle but he looked like a refined man with that sept back dark hair of his. He was lazily leaning his back to the edge of the counter, his arm resting on top of it. The mechanic assumed this was one of the people Silco worked with, since the telltale weird eye they heard about could not be seen on his face. 

"Uhm, I'm Ren." they nodded in his direction and turned back to working.

"Ren, hm?" he pressed further. 

"I'm here with permission, if you're wondering." Ren cleared that, with a firm motion of their hand. They didn't need to be caught up in whatever business besides helping Jinx. Especially not if this is a Chem-baron standing next to them. Thankfully Ren didn't recognize who this was, and it seemed the man didn't know them either.

"With whose?" his voice seemed to darken. Ren wasn't sure how he was able to achieve that. 

"Jinx's." they gulped. Ren could feel the man's stare on their back but they weren't going to show fear. They tried ignoring his presence to get done with the lights. "She asked me to help with fixing the damaged machines and stuff."

"So you're the mechanic she keeps talking about?" the man hummed. 

"I suppose?" they continued working. "I didn't know she was talking about me."

Ren seemed to find the last issue with the cables and began fixing it. The man didn't leave but they could hear him pour a drink for himself. It was rather unsettling to be watched while working but Ren knew how to block him out. Not that it was hard, when they got lost in their work the outside world barely existed. 

"Does the concept of the owner's permission not exist anymore, I wonder?" the man put his drink back on the counter. 

"I just hope Jinx asked him." Ren sighed.

Silence followed their answer. The mechanic wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not but they didn't plan on staying long enough to figure out. Once they were done with the lights, they could head to the dj mixer and fix that. When that's done, they're out of here. Hopefully Jinx would never ask them to return again. 

"Tell me then, mechanic, what did you fix?" the man leaned closer to them, his voice becoming lower. 

Ren pointed to the music machine without looking. "Fixed that. The front has to be replaced but other than that it's working. Oh, and I wasn't able to save three records but the rest are fine. Now I'm working on these and waiting for Jinx to return."

"I see." he hummed. 

As if by magic, the lights turned back on right at that moment. Ren smiled and put the lid back on the cables before standing up. They admired their work with their hands grabbing their hips. Once they looked everything over, they turned to the man.

"Well, this is done as well it-" their voice died in their throat when they saw the rest of his face. A scarred eye stared back at them menacingly. Ren's smile slowly faltered as they realised just who they have been talking to. They were such a fool for not realising it sooner. 

Silco seemed to notice the sudden change in their behaviour, as the corner of his mouth quirked up slightly. "Good. You have some use then."

He was way taller than Ren but barely had any muscles on him. That much was clear even with his big coat on. Yet he was even more imposing than Sevika. Silco had an aura around him that just stroke fear into anyone. Certainly the horrific stories about him also helped his case. Even in his rather relaxed state, Ren couldn't help but feel trapped in a cage with a predator. 

"And how much did Jinx promise you for this?" he reached for his drink, playing with the edges of the glass. 

A second passed, Ren simply too shocked to answer. They only gathered the courage when Silco's eyes shot down at them. "I promised to help free of charge, sir."

"Sir? I wonder where you gathered the respect all of the sudden." he turned his body in a way that only his damaged eye was visible to Ren. 

"I apologise, I didn't realise-"

"Yes, that much I gathered." he took a sip of his drink. "I would appreciate such honesty with your purpose here as well. How much?"

"I told the truth, sir." Ren stood their ground. It was technically the truth, since they never charged Jinx with anything, although for a job like this they definitely should've. But they did not want to be associated with Silco in any way, shape or form. Accepting money from him would put an even bigger target on their back. 

"No one works for free." Silco fully turned his head to the mechanic. 

"Well, technically I'm not working." they rambled while rubbing their left hand. "I just... fulfilled a promise."

Silco watched them silently for a moment. It was as if he was trying to read their mind. Ren felt uneasy under his gaze but didn't break the eye contact. After a couple seconds, Silco was content enough and looked away, finishing his drink. He slammed down the glass, making Ren slightly jump. The corner of his mouth quirked up just for a moment. 

"I'm sure that you wouldn't mind reporting to me once you're done with your promise." with that he left.

Ren watched him walk upstairs, not even glancing at the guard by the stairs. The mechanic turned around in horror when they were sure Silco disappeared. They ruffled through their hair and looked for the dj machine Jinx told them about. With slow steps, they walked over to the machine and began inspecting it. 

Oh, how they knew they were in trouble. Silco knew who they were now. Knowing their name wasn't exactly the best possibility but many Rens existed in the Lanes, however he saw their face. And even worse, Jinx knew where they lived. Jinx knew where they lived. It had just dawned on them, if the girl knew, no doubt her dad did as well. Whatever happened now, they could easily be found and be taken care of. Babette had warned them. And yet they didn't heed the warning. But who would've thought that helping a child out would turn into this. 

Ren got to work, trying to fix the machine but their thoughts were racing through their mind. Nothing they did could get them out of this. The thing about Chem-barons is that once you're associated with them, it's nearly impossible to get away. It was exactly what Ren had done a decade ago and it cost them everything. But Silco was more powerful than the person they were running from. Maybe he would be able to reach them even in Piltover. So shortly, nowhere was safe anymore. 

They spent the next half hour in silence, working on the dj machine. Most of it was totally ruined and Ren made a note to report it back to Silco, since they could only do so much without proper replacement tools. They only received a couple scrap metals that were in Jinx's box. Of course, when they weren't actively paying attention to the machine, they were thinking about their situation. The only thing that stopped them from it was when Jinx and Sevika came back with some equipment. 

"I'm back!" Jinx exclaimed, running up to Ren. "You finished the lights already? Oh nuts, thought I could still work on that. Anyway, how is the mixer looking?"

"Uh, not good." Ren whispered, their voice strained from the stress.

"What's with you?" she asked just as Sevika dropped down a box of metal, screws and other helpful parts next to them. Ren jumped at the loud noise. 

"Break these and I'll break your neck." the woman shot them a piercing look before walking to the stairs to ascend to Silco. 

"Pff, crazy woman." Jinx rolled her eyes. 

"Yeah." Ren nodded.

Jinx tilted her head before grabbing their face. She rolled it around in her hand, inspect them. "Wha' you have a fever or sum?"

"No, I'm... fine." Ren broke themselves away. "I uh, met your dad."

"He got you scared good, hasn't he?" Jinx laughed. "Don't worry. I know he's a murderer and a crime lord or whatever, but he doesn't hurt those who help him. So just don't get in his way, ya know?"

"Great." Ren sighed before returning to work. "I need a pair of hands with this, Jinx."

"On it!"

The two worked for a couple hours on the machine. No matter how much they tried, something was never working. Ren wasn't quite familiar with this technology since Piltover always preferred live music but they tried their best. Jinx occupied them enough with her talking to calm down and focus on working. She noticed how much on edge they were and truly tried comforting them by saying that as long as she's around, Silco wouldn't hurt them. Ren felt somewhat better but still was cautious about the whole situation. 

After a lot of work, the two finally figured out how to fix everything and finished relatively soon. Once they were done, Jinx offered to bring them back home but Ren told her what Silco said to them. The girl was surprised by it but motioned them to go anyway. She ended up getting her tools back in the box and scattering away somewhere. Meanwhile Ren approached the stairs. The guard gave them a nod as they got on the first step. 

The stairway looked incredibly long and dark. Ren has seen Sevika makes this exact trip once or twice while they worked here but as far as they were aware, she wasn't in Silco's office anymore. They didn't know if that fact should comfort or worry them more. Ren took the steps one at a time, trying to prepare themselves for entering the lion's den. Once they were upstairs, the mechanic looked around. Each door they found looked like the other and they didn't know which could possibly lead to Silco's office. They walked further, inspecting them. Soon they found a door that was not like the others. It had Silco's name carved into the wood and the handle appeared golden. Even the sides of the door seemed to be covered in metal. This was, no doubt, the room to Silco's office. 

Ren raised their hand and knocked on the door three times. After about two seconds, they heart an 'enter' coming from inside. The mechanic grabbed the handle and turned it, taking a deep breath before opening the door. Silco's office was exactly like the man himself. It had some fancy gadgets and a bunch of books. Most of them seemed to be in a good shape, which meant that he must've gotten them from Piltover. By the end of the room, just in front of the big, green window, stood Silco's desk. The man himself was sitting by it, reading a paper, only glancing up at Ren.

"I assume you're ready to report?" he looked back at the paper, pulling a cigar to his mouth. 

"Yes, sir." they nodded, clasping their hands behind their back. They opened their mouth to speak but no words came out.

Silco's eyes shot up at them, raising one eyebrow. "Well?"

"Uhm, yes." Ren cleared their throat. "The music box's front still needs to be changed, alongside some of the mixer parts. Me and Jinx were able to get it into a working shape but I would suggest replacing them as soon as possible. The lights are fine, maybe some protective case over them would help preventing further damage but that is all."

"And how much would that cost in your professional opinion?" Silco leaned back in his chair, giving Ren his undivided attention. 

"A couple hundred I suppose." they looked down at their shoes, thinking. "Depends on the quality."

"Mhm." he nodded. Silco continued to watch them intently, appearing to look for something. Ren wasn't quite sure what it was he looked for, or if he found it, but he spoke again. "Dismissed."

Ren nodded and rushed out of his office without looking back. They practically ran downstairs, where they quickly said their goodbyes to Jinx and got out of the Drop within seconds. Once outside, they didn't stop until they got home. The mechanic locked the door and pushed a chair under the doorknob and sat down on their couch. Apparently this was their life now, terrified whether or not Silco or their old "friend" was going to burst through those doors. 

[sunriseverse]

complaint time? complaint time! let's talk about my annoyance relating to sapphic, especially lesbian, characters, relationships, and mxtx! because apparently, i love kicking hornet's nests these days (this isn't new, i just usually confine it to dms). this got long, my apologies, so it's going below the cut.

first off, i'd like to clarify that i am not talking about fanfic that makes mxtx characters sapphic/lesbians. i think that's great. i love rule 63. if you want to write these men in an au where they are sapphic, i have been there and support you wholly. this isn't what that's about, though—this is specifically about mxtx.

i've seen the same sentiment over and over trying to go through the chinese gl tag (baihe): people wishing mxtx would write about sapphic characters, wishing that mxtx would write sapphic novels, etc. and honestly, this pisses me off for a few reasons: my thoughts on how mxtx handles lgbt characters generally, the way that these posts clog the tag, and, finally, the way people going "wish mxtx wrote sapphic novels :( too bad she didn't, i guess there's no sapphic cnovels!" cheapens the extant, vibrant baihe field.

one: my thoughts on how mxtx handles lgbt characters

first of all, i'd like to preface this by saying this is only going off of what i know about mxtx, and mxtx works. as far as i'm aware, mxtx is a straight woman, writing about same-sex male relationships. she's the author of svsss, mdzs, and tgcf. i don't know if she's written anything else, but for this post, that doesn't really matter. let's go over these, shall we? mdzs' main couple has a rape kink, svsss' main couple is a teacher-student relationship, and tgcf's main couple is a man who saved a young child who later grew up to worship him. this isn't a judgement—i am a tgcf fan, so i'll be upfront about that; i think the way that specific scenario is handled in canon makes sense, and isn't objectionable to me specifically because of the way it's handled. i haven't finished svsss, and i haven't read mdzs, so i can't make commentaries there. i simply say this to point out the fact that, generally, mxtx couples play into a number of uncomfortable stereotypes about gay men, especially that their sex lives must be particularly "freakish", or that they must be older men pursuing younger men, especially those who idolise them. whether or not this is the message intended in these works, and whatever the characters themselves may think about these situations, they are not their own, real people; they are characters created specifically to be the way they are, by an author who is not a gay man. you can probably see why i, as a lesbian, do not want her writing lesbian characters specifically, and sapphic characters generally.

point two: posts like these clog the tags

any time i scroll the baihe tag, i inevitably run into at least one post where people wish that mxtx would write sapphic characters. while i understand wanting your favourite author to write about characters you feel better represented by, the truth of the matter is that when people make these often-one line posts that aren't actually related to baihe content in any way, and then tag them as #baihe, this leads to the clogging of a tag meant to be specifically filled with content about and surrounding baihe works.

point three: these posts draw attention away from extant baihe (chinese sapphic) works

as surprising as it may be, sapphic cnovels exist! there's actually a decent number of them, in fact. not many are fully translated, but there's a few big ones that are—and, i would say, the quality of the ones that have been translated are at least as good as extant mxtx fantranslations. baihe suffers from being ignored by the mainstream and official english-language publishing/translation houses, for a number of reasons that would take an entire post to even begin to try and unpick, but it does exist. however, when there's a bunch of people acting like no baihe exists and wishing their favourite danmei author would write baihe so it would exist, it creates the false illusion that baihe doesn't exist, drawing attention away from extant baihe—and thus perpetuating the tendency of those in fandom spaces to only ever talk about and promote male-centric works, and erase or marginalise female-centric works, as well as sapphic fans themselves.

in conclusion: i don't have a solution to this. i'm just frustrated by the tendency to act like mxtx is the paragon of lgbt fiction in cnovel spaces, and the way that, rather than looking for extant sapphic cnovels and characters, people seem far more willing to wish that mxtx would write sapphic novels, something that i, as an individual lesbian, think is a foolish idea, and just a generally annoying sentiment.

[thetragicallynerdy]

Hi, I'm here from the tealoranges tag! Fic title meme: Are You Going to Scarborough Fair?

Alright alright, I finally had the brains to think about this and write something! (For those who haven't heard of it, this meme is that you send me a fic title, and I sketch out the fic I think would match it. I am not accepting further prompts for this meme at this time.)

I know that this one would go really nicely as a like, farmers market au, but hear me out: post-war au and farmer’s market au. Because the canticle aspect of Simon & Garfunkle’s version of Scarborough Fair always, always makes me think about war (because, y’know, it’s about war). But, because it’s Jim and Olu, and I really wouldn’t ever write an actual war type fic, lets go with “Canon time - Jim, returning from their holy mission, and Oluwande, who sells his wares at the market.”

When I started typing this I was going to say it was more vibes than plot (the Vibes being an exhausted Jim who’s killed a whole lot of men and then returned home to find that they’re still not at peace, and then they meet Oluwande) but now there’s like 1000+ words of plot so here u go:

Jim never made it to Nassau as their first stop in their mission. They don’t meet Oluwande, and they instead spend ten-fifteen years tracking down every last member of the Siete Gallos. Alfeo de la Vaca is not their first. He’s closer to their last, which is the main reason that they keep at it so long – a) there is no one to encourage them to stop, and b) they haven’t killed the one that matters yet.

Somewhere along the way, they have exactly one run in with Blackbeard and Stede, who we can presume are still doing their romance off to the side. They see a handsome Black man with a teal earring on the crew who catches their eye – but then they forget about him.

Oluwande, meanwhile, got out of Spanish Jackie’s for other reasons, about the same time as he would’ve in canon. He finds Stede, and has a rather successful career in piracy before he finally settles down and buys a home. He learns how to make jewelry, and sells it. Tiny trinkets, that sort of thing, to keep his hands busy. For some reason, he really liked St. Augustine the last time they were there. He settles down.

Jim finally finishes their hit list. They return to St. Augustine, scarred and hardened and hoping to find some semblance of peace, because all they feel is a hollowness in their chest and a bone-deep weariness. They come home to a home that’s still empty and ruined, overgrown after decades of neglect.

Whether or not Nana is still alive is up to you. If she is, her exuberance over Jim being done their mission grates against the disenchantment they’re feeling. If she’s not, there’s a point of grief over ‘she was the one I was doing this for, and she’s not even here to see it.’

Either way – Jim is not doing great. They try and fix up the farm, but mainly fix up the house enough to live in, and wallow. The Beautiful Life they were promised afterwards hasn’t happened, and everything feels like dust. Very ‘returning from war and finding yourself at odds with the world’ type vibes.

But then they wander into the market one morning when they’re coming in to, I dunno, buy food, and they happen across a tiny stall, run by a beautiful man with a teal earring. He sells jewelry, and it feels so frivolous, so unnecessary, but they can’t help but stop and look at it. Jewelery isn’t even their thing, but they can’t help but reach out and touch the intricate little earrings.

Oluwande recognizes them. And, in true Oluwande fashion, blurts out “holy shit, I know you.” This is not immediately a concern. Most people in town know them, by rumour at the very least, of the Jimenez child who lived. It’s a small place. However, then he says “we met on uh – The Gentleman Pirate’s ship, you killed that guy –“ and Jim gets very defensive very fast. And maybe runs away a little, wondering if they need to just pack up and go because they don’t really want people recognizing them for all the blood they’ve spilled.

(And then they remember the handsome man with the teal earring, and kick themself a little for not being able to place him immediately. He's still just as handsome, all these years later.)

Later that day Oluwande shows up at their door, with an apology on his lips and a small earring in his hand. “Didn’t mean to scare you off,” he says sheepishly. “I just got excited. Not many people here that know what I used to do.”

Jim reluctantly lets him in, and offers him a drink. They talk. Or, Oluwande talks, and Jim listens.

It’s not love at first meeting. But so many people in town avoid talking to Jim, and he doesn’t seem to care about the blood they’ve spilled. Hell, he was a pirate. He’s spilled just as much. So a tentative friendship is born.

They start seeking him out. Wandering to the market just to talk and pretend to browse his wares. They keep the earring he gave them, but their ears aren’t pierced, so they don’t do anything with it. They start bringing small food treats that they pick up at the market, so they have an excuse to sit and share it. Oluwande brightens every time they show up. He starts having tea or something else to drink ready every time, to share with the food.

Jim keeps trying to fix up the farm. But every time they do it just feels pointless, and makes them sad. They don’t really need a job for the money, but they’re starting to get restless, like they need something to do.

They take up whittling instead. It’s hard, and they cut themself more than they have since they first learned how to handle knives. Their first clumsy attempt at a bird gets given to Oluwande. So does their second, their third. A few more become toys, given to the family down the road. It takes time, but they get good.

“You should let me sell these,” Oluwande muses, running fingers over an intricate crocodile. “They’re really good.”

Jim shrugs. “I don’t really need the money.”

He raises an eyebrow and nods at his jewelry. “Neither do I. Why do you think they’re so cheap?”

Jim lets Oluwande sell their carvings. It’s a good partnership.

Eventually they kiss him. Of course they do. He’s handsome and sweet and the only person who makes them feel like a person again, and not the assassin they’ve become. The only person who teases them about their hat and their long coat and tells them they’re not as scary as they think they are.

And it’s good. It’s so good, this little romance. Easy, in a way very few things in their life have been.

A few weeks, maybe months after they add romance to the mix, Jim admits, late one evening, how much they hate living at the farm. How they still think about leaving, all the time.

“Could move in with me,” Oluwande whispers, voice just audible from where Jim is plastered to his back. “I’ve got the space.”

Jim leaves the next morning and tells him they need to think about it, promising they’re not running away, that they just need time to think. They go, and sit on their farm, and then disappear into the woods like they did as a child. When they come back two days later, it still feels just as empty and barren and broken as it did when they first set foot back in St. Augustine, just as lost as it did when they were a child. The healing they were hoping for is happening, but it’s not happening on this farm.

So they pack up all of their things (there aren’t many), and walk to the village. The sun is just setting, and there’s a candle already burning in Oluwande’s window. There’s no hesitation before they knock.

Oluwande opens the door, and sees them, and their bag. He smiles and holds the door open wider.

“Welcome home.”

That’s it! Look I will never actually write this, so if anyone ever wants to write the thing, have at! (Just give me credit for the idea, and please for the love of god send it to me so I can read it XD)

Anyway thanks for the prompt anon, this was fun!! Sorry it took me a while XD

[sycopomp]

Original work is very cool and all but what about ooie? 😭

I'm not going to sugar-coat how rude this is. Do you realize that? I'm not a machine that exists to cater to your interests. I'm a human being that is creating things.

The Sun and Moon fandom inspired me to create, for the first time in a long time, and that was huge for me. It brought me friends and community like nothing else had in years. It gave me the encouragement to start writing ooie. And most importantly, it has given me patience while I am going through one of the roughest patches of my life. For that, to the community that has supported me, I cannot thank them enough.

Something I have struggled with all of my creative life, to no one's surprise, is finishing projects. I've started countless books, but the pressure of publishing was overwhelming. So I tried thinking about posting online, and even then, my perfectionism got its claws into me, and the projects died before they saw the light of day. I don't think a single one of my followers, no matter how long they've been following me, could tell me the name of the main characters of any of my original creative stories. Not one. The main characters. Because they've never left the drafts.

And finally, a couple months ago, I had a complete mental health crisis over my absolute lack of having any completed original projects to show for my nearly two decades of creative writing. It made me question whether it's worth being a good writer at all, if I can't finish anything. Do you know how terrifying that was, to have my conviction shaken in the one thing I had always been proud of? The one thing I had practically staked all of my self-worth onto?

I am fortunate enough to have an incredible support circle. My qpp spent a week straight with me while I was in utter shambles. I'm slowly recovering, but I'm still fragile.

A few weeks ago, I approached the idea of writing an original story again. I spoke with a close friend of mine, and they helped me realize one of the flaws in the way I approach writing my original stories. I took this newfound knowledge and set out to find a story that I could write; a self-contained, entirely independent story that I could talk about freely online (because I know myself, and I am a creature that thrives off of encouragement and validation) and share with the people who I know enjoy my writing. I had a strategy.

Today, I took the first step in executing that strategy. I talked about my story! They The Heartless. As far as working titles go (by which I mean, pulled it outta my ass when the time came to tag my post), I'm pretty proud of it.

I see my friends talk about their OCs and their stories, and I love supporting them and seeing the support they get from their followers.

I have also seen them get asks just like this. This blasé cool, don't care attitude. It's always made me so angry and so scared, because I never want to see my friends get discouraged from creating their original stories. And it's shit like this that kills inspiration.

This isn't a fucking restaurant where you order what you want off a menu. You came to an artist's personal blog and actually thought it was fine to go "sure sure sure, YOUR story, fine, but what about this FANFICTION that I care about?" while I'm happily sharing something that I'm excited about creating. And you actually thought that was okay.

So to reiterate:

You are not entitled to my creativity, time, energy, or mental health-- all of which go into writing

I will, as I always have, write whatever I damn well please, because it is my passion

[ddarker-dreams]

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Lowkey wanna send you all of these asks, I'm interested to know it all 😭

[ask game]

HI HI thanks for sliding into my inbox <3 i figured i'd take this chance to thank you for all the blessed feedback you leave in the tags of my posts,, they're always such a highlight omg <33

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

for themes, i'd say isolation, existentialist dread, powerlessness, idolization, obsession and heightened emotions. when it comes to scenes, it's probably obvious to anyone who has read a few of my stories that i focus on the back and forth between the main characters. what they reveal with their words, what they imply, struggle to keep hidden, etc... feeding off each other and often showing the most unsightly sides of themselves. it's one of my favorite ways to create tension because as the reader, you (hopefully) wonder when the other might snap. where that invisible line in the sand is that shouldn't be crossed. and when that line is crossed, how it'll be dealt with accordingly.

as for imagery. well. i'm basic. i love figurative imagery a little too much, probably. i like how it can be open to interpretation, since when i'm reading and authors use this, it feels they trust their audience's intelligence if that makes sense ?? where not everything has to be spelled out. knowing that two people might read the same story and come away with different interpretations is a cool thought to me. the downside of this is that i'll sometimes wonder if i'm writing something too vague and it's coming off as pretentious... 😭

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

oh god. everything from my BNHA era if i'm being honest. 2019-early 2020 is when i was getting back in the groove of writing after a long hiatus, so it was rough. i never proofread anything i published (whereas now i read stories multiple times before posting them). i'd just open up my laptop, tip tap away for an hour or two, then figure the story is finished. good enough. this story was the first i ever spent more than one day on. i remember being very pleased with how it came out, which led me to put in more effort from that point onward. what i wrote back then may have been unpolished, but i had fun while doing it, and that's what matters the most!

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

SWEATS ... my brain has gone blank... hmm..... i think that my greatest strength is bringing various characters to life. whether it's a super complicated plot or a simple back and forth, i focus most on capturing the essence of what makes the character, well, the character they are. i'll reread/rewatch scenes with them in it multiple times to try and get their speaking patterns and body language down. it's always an ongoing process though, like trimming a bonsai tree. how i write so and so today is different than how i did a year ago, even if it's in small ways. i enjoy this part of the process and think that i'm okay at it!!!!

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Crowley once told D*an that there were plenty of opportunities in which he could have killed D*an yet let him live and while he never said this to S*m that goes for S*m, too

Now I'm sure D*an had a memory playing in his head, of Crowley sending ghouls after him back in season 6 and thought "huh?"

There are multiple reasons for Crowley not just snapping his fingers and exploding their bodies [ finger snapping is milliseconds but when Crowley does try to kill them they have a fighting chance ]

Not all of these reasons share equal weight and they aren't written in order of significance

He likes the challenge of trying to kill them through ways where they have an opportunity to fight back

Castiel. Castiel the teleporting more powerful angel would bring them back if possible, or if not possible, be miffed and kill Crowley. Now Crowley is pretty accepting, like in 7x01 he didn't beg and panic when Godstiel came into the trailer, he just faced the music. But even though Crowley is brave enough to face Godstiel seemingly wanting to kill him, this is only when it's unavoidable. The ghoul attempt was also something Cas didn't know about, and even if he had, Cas would just bring them back without killing Crowley in that episode, as he was working with Crowley then. Cas would have made sure to give Crowley a stern reminder and a threat "I will bury you" but Crowley knew he had some leeway in how much season 6 Cas was willing to tolerate without killing him, and when Cas got serious he stopped trying to kill them and kidnapped Lisa and Ben instead

Plot armour. They will just be brought back or get some sort of lucky inteference that side characters would never get [ like Naomi freeing Bobby Singer from Crowley's grasp ] Crowley doesn't know this at first, but I think after he found out about the Supernatural books, he made the most logical conclusion that they must have plot armour as the MCs and decided that really doing his best to try and kill them would be pointless

"Pleasure doing business with you boys, as always" season 5 to 12 Crowley likes or loves them. He doesn't like them enough to just lie there and let them win but he does like them. Sure he will have demons nipping at their heels [ years of demons nipping at your heels, haven't see one in months wonder why 7x08 ] but those attempts are very half hearted and more about challenging S*m & D*an than actually killing them. He can explode them with a snap of his finger. He ain't trying

S*m and D*an have insane plot armour. There is an episode where God has brought them back over and over but erases their memories. Pretty much every enemy who faces them, no matter how strong, intelligent or lucky that enemy is, is always punching up against them until the later seasons

There is main character and then there is *MAIN CHARACTER* for example Mary from Reign is a main character because her enemy succeeded in in the final episode. A main character is someone who *could* permanently lose to their enemy, even though it won't happen until the show is finished. A MAIN CHARACTER might lose temporarily but they will win eventually. The exception is God. Sam and Dean were main characters with God for the whole show, but only became main characters for everyone else in season 15

After God turned against them they became main characters [ which is what made the vampire killing D*an possible ] but before then they were MAIN CHARACTERS. Losing to the enemy would be temporary and never permanent

Side note:

I've been hearing mixed information about whether asterixing a word stops it from appearing in search. So if anybody here has searched

D*an, S*m, without the # and without the asterix yet this post came up anyway please let me know

Some posts are not character critical to people who are indifferent to that character

Tagging this [ character ] critical would be underwhelming for those who are looking for burns on a character they don't like. That's it??? *They yell silently* You're not even criticizing them! You're just stating literal canon!

Below the read more is explaining why this is critical of the mains to those who are indifferent to them and thinking "what criticism?" so don't click read more if you're someone who wasn't supposed to find this post. Do let me know if you found it though through the search without using # and without asterix

Those who place S*m and D*an on a pedestal would be upset at any implication that S*m and D*an aren't as badass as they thought and that they have a power advantage over all other characters, [ except God ofc because he gave them that plot armour ] for 14 seasons

While it is implied in the post before the read more it is subtle enough that it can be ignored by their fans. This is far more blatant. No beating around the bush

Upset at any implication that for 14 seasons the MCs were always punching down against their enemies, because no matter how injured or temporarily dead they get, they were MAIN CHARACTERS for 14 seasons. No matter how powerful their enemies are they were MAIN CHARACTERS. Chuck is the exception to the rule ofc

This isn't a bad thing to love your fave that much BUT tagging it character critical would be a huuuuuuge disappointment to people who are genuinely searching for burns on a character they don't like

[melancholic-entrails]

about me post time?? yessir B}

yoo, you can call me star/sil, any nicknames, applicable slurs, whatever. i'm just here for fun, gushing about fandoms i'm into, and sharing art infrequently.

I'M ALWAYS OK WITH ASKS/ comments/ reblogs, as long as you stay civil please!

i use any pronouns, but i really like it when people use a variety- i'm also cool with neopronouns and i love it/it's pronouns <3.

by the way, i am a minor, if that makes you uncomfortable block and move on.

-------stances on proshippers etc-----------

i believe in ship and let ship, kink tomato, don't like don't read, and am heavily anti-censorship and strongly believe that you can enjoy things or find things attractive in fiction that you wouldn't in real life.

i also believe that bullying, doxxing, seeking out people simply because of the things that they like in fiction or what have you, are much much worse than lolis or shotas or incest in fiction.

<- that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel uncomfortable with these things, it means you shouldn't to harass people over it.

i ship incest, i ship age gap occasionally, i ship all sorts of weird things. if that's not your cup of tea, block and move on. i forget to tag things a lot.

-------stances on labels----------

i don't care what labels you use, i care about whether or not you treat others with respect.

"terfs" do not treat others with respect. "radfems" do not treat others with respect. those who call others slurs- yes, even if they are allowed to reclaim those slurs- do not treat others with respect. those who use slurs that they are not able to reclaim do not treat others with respect. groomers, child or animal or anyone else molesters, etc, do not treat others with respect.

-------stances on endogenic/traumagenic system debate----------

man, i don't care. genuinely. and i mean that in the nicest way possible. i've noticed that people who are endogenic systems oftentimes do seem traumagenic. this doesn't mean that i think endogenic systems or nondisordered systems don't exist. i'm just saying that there isn't enough research about it, and at the end of the day, as long as you treat others with respect, and that includes yourself, it doesn't really matter.

-------stances on dysphoria or dysmorphia----------

being trans is feeling like ur body doesn't match up with your identity. that's not necessarily dysphoria. you don't have to have dysphoria to not be cis.

for dysmorphia, you can have dysmorphia for non human shit.

for otherkinity and the like, you do you! as long as it isn't hurting you if you recognize it, it doesn't matter <3

-------FUN STUFF! fandom list/tag system under the cut<3----------

i'm in way too many fandoms but the ones im most obsessed with are:

danganronpa: ( i'm currently playing drs, i've played all the main games and watched dr3, i won't spoiler tag stuff unless anyone following me specifically asks :3. i'm reading thru killer killer currently, and i already read dr0 and drif. i still need to read togami and kirigiri, but i'm sorta on a full on canon danganronpa content break, uknow. but if anyone wants to talk about dr with me I AM SO WILLING PLEASE :} ) btw, I 'most always tag #despaircest, so if u dont like them or are uncomfy block them!

yandere simulator: ( i just think they're neat, okay? i don't like the dev too much or whatever but its a free game that i play when i wanna lose braincells, also the lore is so fucked up and confusing and what can i say, thats awesome! ryoba my beloved <3 )

( under the cut for extras !! :D )

killing stalking: i finished the manwha a bit ago, i just think its neat, ok? also it made me cry.

emergence/metamorphosis: i have so much love for this hentai, it made me cry and that's weird as hell to say about a hentai manga. i just think it's neat and i see myself in her.

i love the game devs SadPandaStudios so muchhh, i love blush blush and crush crush ( both of these are free, by the way!! they're idle dating sims, and they did a collab with yansim one time, so ayano is a character in crush crush. i just think they're neat <3 )

i haven't watched it in a while but i have so much love for boy meets world,, AUGH pleaseee. also i watched girl meets world like 5 times before i dipped my dogs into the boy meets world series! shawn hunter my beloved..

i love doki doki literature club!! yuri is such a mood, i just think they're neat, natsuri ftw!

mirai nikki, i just think they're neat, it's continuity is weird, i haven't finished the series tho!! i started the manga before i started watching the anime series ( i think im on vol 7 of the manga? idk )

i love legend of zelda so much it's like my first fandom, i don't know everything 'bout the lore but i love it so much.

percy jackson, my probably second fandom ever?? i love it so much!! leo valdez is my fave, tbh, other than obscure characters. laughs in my silly heavy interest in greek/roman/egyptian mythology.

butterfly soup! i havent played it in a while but i love that vn series so much, pee pee ketchup man :3

i really really like stardew valley- i sorta play it in bursts where i obsess over it and then forget about it for three months, i'm in my not playing it for right now, but i really like it, concerned ape, tysm <3

UNDERTALE OMg. i kinda like deltarune more, just some of the characters, but the lore is so goddamn cool, i just think they're neat <- my motto lmao.

so i havent played all of the main ace attorney, i'm on the one where it's mia fey's trial, iykyk, but i haven't played all of it just so u know!!

Death Note!! I've watched all of it, still reading some of it but <333

Ouran Host Club i love her so much, she is babygirl, i read all the manga and watched the whole series.

Coffin of Andy and Leyley: i luv luv luv their dynamic, coffincest ftw ( block that tag if you're not interested!!)

i also really like yuri and yaoi, 'specially manga some of my faves are: bloom into you, strawberry fields once again, sasaki and miyano, and many moreee~

--

i'm reblog heavy, but i also draw and write/ramble. my small tagging system is!!:

art is tagged with #sildraws

misc/fandom rant is tagged with #silspeaks

and everything else is pretty chaotic. i very unreliably tag triggers or spoilers, i also won't tag anything for you, sorry. i'm unreliable and feel bad if i forget.

idm if you send art or writing requests: just go by the fandoms i wrote up above!!

--

misc section, kinda!:

i'm queer and leftist and pagan/occult, if that matters to you! also, for fictional others and stuff, i believe in multiverse theory, so idc about sharing or whatever. i haven't made an f/o list yet, but if anyone's interested i will :)

i wanna be an anthropologist/artist, i think. i mostly do traditional art, but i do ( crappy ) digital sometimes.

have a great day if you read this far!

[born-to-lose-writing]

He's a Whore

Pairing: Robin Zander x Rick Nielsen

Summary: Rick gets turned on by Robin singing He's a Whore more than he should - even if that was to be expected as he wrote the song with him in mind.

Tags: smut, dirty talk

Words: 2,817

A/N: I only posted the Ao3 link to this on my main blog, but here you have it in full. I'm going to hell for this, enjoy! (gif made by me)

When Rick wrote He’s a Whore, he was thinking about Robin the whole time. His innocent, boyish appearance with the long blonde hair and bangs didn't exactly let people assume how much of a slut he could be when he wanted to. Most of them thought he was the pure sweet youngster with an angel’s voice, but from everything Rick had seen of him when he was with someone he was really into, he knew he could be a needy slut. This became clear when they stayed in motel rooms right next door to each other while touring the Midwest.

Besides finding a way to perpetuate his friend with some tongue-in-cheek lyrics, he wanted to make Robin sing about someone being a whore when both of them were well aware that he was actually the whore in question. It would be funny to see his reaction to the lyrics, but Rick loved teasing him and I Dig Go-Go Girls had a weirder humor than that. He could only imagine how well it would turn out; Robin always added his own twist to the songs and he was excited to see what he would make of this one.

But the thing he was looking forward to the most - especially at live shows every other night - was gesturing to him, yelling “he'll do anything for money” and “look at the clothes that he wears”, while Robin would repeatedly belt out “I'm a whore”. The line about his clothes was fitting, considering that he managed to make a simple outfit consisting of wide pants and a button-up shirt look saucy - or at least Rick and some of the screaming girls in the front row at their gigs thought so. Hell, even seeing him in a suit with a tie could make a good Catholic need to seek a confessional booth.

The day he presented the song to Robin, he gave him a sheet with the lyrics and played the tune on the guitar, quietly singing along to give him an idea of how it was supposed to sound. As usual, Rick encouraged him to get a little creative with it and Robin promised he would think of something.

When it was time to record a demo tape, He's a Whore was included. They had rehearsed the song and played it several times, but as this was the demo they were going to use to get a contract from a record label, everyone was giving all they got and so did Robin. After all, most people decided whether they liked a band or not based on the vocals.

No matter how many times Rick heard Robin’s rendition, the whiny tone in the first chorus and the way he almost shouted “I'm a whore” like a mantra to remind himself of what he was drove him crazy.

However, what he hadn't heard in any of his performances before, Robin started moaning in a suggestive yet melodic way that might as well be interpreted as simple 'oh's after the last chorus until the instrumentals ended. Although he hadn't asked if the other guys liked the idea previously, Rick was happy he spontaneously added that. It emphasized the lyrical content of the song - and more notably for now, he felt his jeans getting tighter in the crotch, but he had to concentrate on playing first.

After they had finished recording the tape and listening to it together to make sure it sounded as good as it could with their current means, the guys were getting ready to leave, but Rick asked, “Hey Robin, can you stay a little longer?”

He nodded and put his jacket back over the chair, sitting down. “What's up?”

“First off, you did a great job. Last week, Bun E and I went through some of the shows he had recorded to decide which tracks we put on our demo and you sound more confident now in comparison to when you first joined us,” Rick said genuinely, yet in a slightly teasing way at the end when he leaned forward to pinch Robin's cheek with a pout, which made Robin laugh. “And your rendition of He's a Whore… You did it even better than I had imagined.”

“Thank you, it's a fun song,” he smiled. “I hope you didn’t mind my additions.”

Rick crossed his arms behind his neck and leaned back against the couch, eyes wide as he shook his head. “Not at all. In fact, the little moans prove to the listener that you are a whore,” he joked, putting emphasis on the last word.

Robin just looked down, fumbling with the cuffs of his shirt in an attempt to hide his cheeks turning pink. He didn't deny the implication that his friend was referring to him personally as a whore and not only the narrator in the song. Why would he deny it? He knew he could relate to the lyrics on a certain level and he knew that Rick was bold, but he hadn't expected him to be so bold.

During this awkward pause, Robin lit a cigarette like he often did when he was nervous and needed something to do with his hands. He walked over to sit on the armrest at the other end of the couch from the guitarist's spot.

Rick decided to put his friend out of his misery and end the silence by standing up and smirking smugly as he approached Robin, putting his hand on the wall behind him. Perhaps he needed to be more direct to tickle a response out of him.

“Why just be a whore if you can be my whore for tonight?” he suggested, raising an eyebrow and looking him up and down. He was once again wearing a white shirt with the first three buttons undone and a pair of brown pants which were too tight for Rick to not look at his ass whenever he saw him walk.

Robin slowly put down the cigarette and looked into his eyes, blowing out a small cloud of smoke before whispering, “Are you serious?”

Rick couldn't pinpoint whether he was into the idea or not, but he wanted him so badly and maybe his flirting worked as well with him as it did with women when Robin only sang the words Rick had written. “Well, I did almost get a boner while playing earlier,” he shrugged.

The blonde's eyes darted down to check if he really was hard. Biting his lip, he stubbed out his cigarette in an ashtray on the small cabinet next to the couch and asked teasingly, “What's in it for me?”

Rick moved closer toward Robin, offering in a low voice, “Getting laid real good like I bet nobody ever has before. And practicing moans for the next tracks. Maybe even see what your highest octave is?”

Their mouths were mere inches apart, Rick's breath was on Robin's face and he swallowed, “Deal.”

The next second, he felt his friend's lips on his, tongue pushing past his teeth as Rick was standing with his legs on either side of Robin, pulling him closer by grabbing his ass. The blonde wrapped his arms around Rick's neck and raised his knee to grind it against his lover's crotch, who moaned and brought up a hand to tug at the other man's long hair while moving his hips for some friction. He broke the kiss for a moment and started to unbutton Robin’s shirt, grinning at how swollen his lips looked now and how impatient he seemed until he had opened the cuffs.

“You want me to fuck you so bad, don't you? I guess I'll take my time then,” Rick whispered in his ear, leaning forward to take off Robin's shirt and toss it on the ground.

“Mmh, no please,” he whined, hoping Rick wouldn't notice the goosebumps he gave him immediately, and bucked his hips up against him.

However, he did notice as he was running his hands up and down Robin's back and decided to fuel it with some dirty talk. “It would only be fair since you kept me waiting too, but I'll be nice and give you what you want - what I want, more importantly. And I want to fuck you hard.”

Just when Robin turned his head to kiss him, Rick stood up and took a step back, but only to undo his own pants. “Come here, baby,” he commanded in a gentle tone, motioning for him to kneel in front of him.

Robin eagerly got off the armrest and down on his knees, hands at the waistband of Rick’s briefs. “Can't wait to suck some dick, huh?” he chuckled mockingly, burying his fingers in his lover's hair.

“Well, yeah,” the blonde replied, looking up with a cheeky grin and pulling down his pants, pooling around his ankles.

“I knew it, now get to work. And keep your head down, no pauses,” he added, holding back a moan as Robin instantly obeyed.

As he continued, slowly at first before sucking like his life depended on it, Rick’s grip on his hair tightened and he pushed his head down to take his full length, which made Robin gag a little. “Did nobody teach you not to speak with a full mouth?” he teased, not even thinking of stopping with these remarks, even if he felt like he would moan loud enough for his neighbors to hear them any moment.

His comment was followed by a whimpering sound from below and he moved his foot to touch Robin's crotch, letting out a breathy laugh when he felt the growing bulge in his pants. “Seems like someone's getting excited down there. Too bad I'm not thinking of letting you cum anytime soon, baby boy.”

The hum he let out in response sent a wave through Rick’s body that brought him closer to the edge. “Fuck, I'm close,” he muttered, pushing his hips forward while keeping the other man's head down. “Swallow it all like the slut you are.”

Like before, Robin did what he was told and when he felt the stream of cum shooting down his throat, he felt his own cock twitch. Due to the amount of Rick's cum, he had to pull away slightly to swallow the first load before lapping up the rest as it dripped down his chin and his friend's shaft. Rick moaned and let go of his hair, gently stroking it instead. “Good boy, come on up.”

He helped Robin stand up and kissed him deeply to get a taste of himself, grabbing him by his shoulders as they stumbled toward the couch, the blonde falling onto it. Rick briefly pulled away before straddling him and kissing his neck while Robin took off the guitarist's pants completely, interrupted by his own gasps when he felt teeth on his skin. Just as the trail of kisses down his Adam's apple and chest was about to reach one of his nipples, Rick climbed off him and unzipped Robin’s pants, pulling them down his legs and throwing them aside.

“Like what you see?” Robin asked cockily, spreading his legs a little and running a hand through his tousled hair.

“I very much do,” Rick admitted, more surprised at his size than he should be, considering the visible outline in most pants he wore, and then added in his bossy voice, “but I'd like to see you from behind for now.”

Hesitantly but still smirking, the singer positioned himself on his hands and knees, turning around to look at Rick as he felt him kneeling on the couch behind him. “Keep your eyes in front of you.”

He ran his hand up Robin's back and down again to knead his ass cheeks, slapping them once, which made the man in front of him moan at the sudden sting. Grinning in satisfaction, he reached into the drawer beside the sofa to get some lube. This bottle had been a birthday gift from Tom to the band's principal songwriter as a lucky charm ‘to help him float his ideas’ and although he didn't get to use it in his makeshift rehearsal room often, it came in handy sometimes.

Robin wiggled his hips impatiently, but Rick grabbed a handful of his hair and leaned forward to speak. “I'm not gonna hurt you, yeah? You'll get what you want soon enough.”

He nodded and let Rick get back to covering his fingers in lube to prepare him bit by bit. “You're so tight, this is gonna take a while,” he said teasingly as he slowly moved one finger in and out before adding another, scissoring them.

Robin bit back a moan and pressed his face against his own upper arm to hide his blush. He already wanted to cum now but despite the pleasure he was getting from this, Rick made it impossible with his tantalizing pace.

When he was finally done fingering him, Robin whined at the empty feeling but was then met with a firm hand on his lower back and Rick's cock pressing against his entrance. After he slipped inside, he gave him a moment to adjust before grabbing him by the hips and starting to move back and forth, slowly at first before speeding up gradually, their moans increasing accordingly.

Fucking Robin mercilessly felt even better than Rick had imagined when he had often caught himself fantasizing about having sex with his bandmate who would be exactly his type if only he was a woman. However, judging from how attracted he was to him and the way he very much enjoyed what they were doing right now, he was probably his type of man as well.

He didn't want to stop - which he wouldn't have to for the next couple of hours since he had convinced him to be his whore for a night. And he noticed that the sounds Robin was making right now were much hotter than the faked moans at the end of their recording, which also made him feel better because it meant the people listening to this song didn't get to hear his singer's real gasps and moans. They were for Rick only and he was determined to hear as much of that as possible tonight.

Lost in thought and mostly lust, he didn't realize how hard he was taking his friend until he cried out and squeezed around Rick's cock, stammering, “I'm- fuck… Mmh…”

“Use your words.”

“Please let me cum,” he begged.

“Be a good whore for me,” Rick ordered huskily, pressing his chest against Robin's back and reaching around him to jerk him off while the blonde struggled to steady himself.

He continued thrusting into him while helping him get his release after he had already looked so desperate during the blowjob earlier. It didn't take him long to cum all over the sofa cushion and if Rick wasn’t about to orgasm within seconds too, he would have made a snide remark about owing him a new couch right now.

After a few more hard thrusts, he came inside him, accompanied by a loud moan, and collapsed on top of Robin, dragging him down with him as his arms got weak. They tried to catch their breaths and Rick wrapped an arm around his friend, squeezing his shoulder. So they laid there in silence for a couple of minutes until Robin suddenly asked, face still half buried in the pillow, “So what does that make us?”

He said it in a tone Rick couldn't guess correctly. Was it a lighthearted rhetorical question to break the ice after just getting railed or was he being serious? There was a pause as he thought of what to say and then replied, lips brushing against his friend’s back as he spoke, “It doesn't make us anything unless you want to. But we can still talk about that in the morning.”

“In the morning? So we're gonna have quite a night,” the singer raised his eyebrows and turned around to look at Rick.

“The deal was being my whore for tonight,” he reminded him, raising a hand in defense.

“I'll happily be your whore anytime. You weren't boasting when you said you'd fuck me like nobody else,” Robin chuckled.

For some reason, Rick felt relieved upon the implication that this wasn't just a one-night stand, despite that being what he had expected it to be. Even better if they could keep hooking up regularly, the first round was too good to leave it at that and not repeat it.

He got off him and took Robin's hand to help him stand up. “Second round?”

The younger man nodded with a grin. “Only if we can move to your bed, you really need a new couch.”

“Yeah, this one got something spilled on it,” Rick scoffed, playfully rolling his eyes before heading to the bedroom together.

[from-izzy]

can i ask something a bit deep if that's okay? i'll send it in separate messages, so feel free to ignore it if you're not up for it. it's about mental health and trying to write about it. dealing with mental health isn't easy, and with december coming up which is also my birthday month... it kind of makes me feel... yeah. anyway, i've always wanted to write about it as a way to cope and express myself, but it’s not easy. i want to write a comforting fic, but i feel like i don’t know how to. maybe it’s because i’m still figuring out my own struggles, or maybe i don’t have enough experience with others lol. how do you manage to write about it?

hi anon! 🫂 ofc it's okay, thank you so much for reaching out ❤️‍🩹

writing to understand yourself, writing to cope with life's challenges and/or writing to be more free are all beautiful reasons and ways to approach writing. i'm glad that you're interested in approaching writing in this way too 🫂 it's an art form! and even if i've been writing for some time and i do different types of art ranging from sewing to performing, every single piece is unique in its own way that it can be difficult to start.

when i write my fics, i quite literally start with dots points and list out a range of things that have impacted me whether it's positive or negative. this is also how I usually find out how i'm feeling with certain things or in general! most of the time, i don't want to say my struggles out loud but writing it down (even just a sentence!) is relieving.

usually after that, i start to see different ways that i can connect them together to make a story! if not, i leave it for a few minutes and come back later. sometimes it's helpful to find an idol that suits the prompt or an idol that i find great comfort in. it could act as a starting point as we guess how they would react in the story!!

after, i outline my main points in the story, this is how my wips look like:

1. scene one; light description

- "quote" "another quote"

- "quote by another person" dialogue tag/action

2. scene two; description

- "quote"

and i find this is a good way of breaking down not only your thoughts, but also breaking down the story so that it becomes more clear. when writing these kinds of fics, it's easy to feel overwhelmed with emotions so for me, clearly writing things out helps with that feeling.

and if i could give you advice (?), i'm not sure whether you're writing this and then publishing it on the internet but if you are:

write for yourself.

don't mind anything else. it's a comfort fic that you're writing based on YOUR experience, not others. people may hate. they may criticise. but in the end, they will never understand what you're going through (especially over the internet!) ❤️‍🩹 so if you ever get negative comments, please remind yourself who you're writing for 🫂 and, if you need support, i can try my best to 🫂

writing comfort fics is hard, there's no other way to say it. it's cringe (?) to say this but practice really makes it better. and confidence! confidence that after the story, despite what anyone thinks, as long as you're content, that's all that matters! finishing stories like these is a huge accomplishment!! and i hope you'll be able to feel the relaxing and slightly uncomfortable process as you resolve the inner (or external!) conflict, anon 🫂

thank you so much for this one, and i really hope i was able to help in any way 🫶 if it helps, you can claim an anon emoji so i know who you are for next time!! happy writing, don't push yourself too hard and i hope we'll be able to see your work soon!! 💗

[lifeonthemurdersim]

Gut Feelings Fandom/Universe: Human Nature / Sadistic By Nature Characters/Pairing: Theodore Kingswell x OC, Hope Chambers x OC(?) AO3 Link(full tags, warnings etc here) Word count: 8,178 words Synopsis: When you're pretty much trapped together, what else is there to do but talk? Author's Note: OK I didn't realise this was this long wtf? Anyway this is vaguely based on Human Nature canon but with @cptsadist's Jet as the main character. I said I was stealing him til the end of the month so I'm making good use of him. More about Gorekinktober on my pinned post here! Kinktober prompt(s) used: Mutual Masturbation (played with - pun maybe intended) Goretober prompt used: Gut Spill (technically played with again, the two meanings of "spilling ones guts")

Hope had to admit that for a long time, she'd kind of assumed Jet was fictional. If they were being cynical they'd theorise maybe he still was, because lets face it, their life was kind of insane enough that suddenly gaining an imaginary friend wouldn't surprise them anymore. But he was here sitting on the bed with them talking with them, so by Occam's razor at the very least, he did in fact exist.

"He kept her drum kit, too. God knows what he fucking did with it." they finished with a sigh, then paused slightly. "Anyway... since then... I'd not spoken to him in years." They'd heard plenty though, from well meaning family and mutual friends. Enough to make them worry. "Well, until a few weeks back."

That's when he'd started coming into their work. Bragging about Jet, his new boyfriend. How wonderful he was. Almost too perfect, the way Theo described him. That's why Hope had doubted his existence. But when had finally come in and ordered for them both for the first time, that had tipped the scales a little. That was why they'd left their number on Jet's coffee cup. Just in case.

"Oh!" Jet exclaimed. "But I mean... you were both pretty young then, right? I mean... he could have changed?"

"I... guess." they replied. "Only... there's a little more to it, I just... I don't know if it's just me being paranoid."

"Well... you can tell me if you want, I don't mind!" Jet insisted. "But... if you don't want to, we can talk about something else?" Hope paused, trying to decide whether they could trust him not to think they were completely insane. They couldn't really think of a topic to turn the conversation to either though. "Like uh... are you still with Sandy? Did it all work out?" he asked before they could decide. Hope swallowed. He'd managed to take the conversation exactly towards what they weren't intending to talk about. Then again, they weren't really intending to talk about any of it. Jet's own talkative nature had coaxed them into it surprisingly naturally.

"Uhm... no... it... didn't." they admitted. "Actually she..." She sighed slightly, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Look, she really didn't mean to do it. There were... a lot of mental health issues involved. But she... cheated on me a lot, and looking back now... she kind of emotionally abused me." They sighed, running a hand through the back of their hair. "I was so desperate for attention that I just... just put up with it." They shook their head at themself disapprovingly.

"I'm so sorry!" Jet replied, reaching his hand out to their shoulder reassuringly. They stiffened a little and he drew back again apologetically. It wasn't unpleasant at all, they were just that touch starved that it took them by surprise. They just didn't know how to articulate that and to tell him it was OK. Jet himself continued before they managed to stop overthinking it. "Oh, is this why you weren't sure about talking about this?" he asked. "Because that's totally valid!"

"No, no, it's... fine..." they said softly, not wanting him to feel guilty about asking. But they also kind of wanted to get it all out now. "But um... so... I kind of clung to it no matter what, but eventually she broke up with me. A few months after that she..." They took a deep, shaky breath. "She... died."

"Oh... I'm sorry... again..." Jet responded, looking like he wanted to reach out to them again but holding back. Fuck, they should have just explained quicker the first time. "Kinda... feel bad I asked now..."

They shook their head. "No, honestly Jet, I mean it, don't worry about it." they assured him. "That was a long time ago, and... well... the truth is... here's the part I was not sure whether to tell you." She closed her eyes. She felt stupid saying it. But that gut feeling wouldn't leave. "It was ruled as a suicide. But..." they looked down again, tracing patterns on their knee. "I... think Theo... might have been involved."

"What?" Jet asked, looking confused, shifting slightly to kneeling. "No... Theo would... would never do something like that! He's so nice!"

"That's what I thought too..." Hope sighed. "Like even after all the shit we went through, that was all dumb kid shit, so I didn't really suspect him. It was only when I heard about his ex-fiance... uh Natasha... I think... and her new boyfriend dying in a really similar way that I... started to wonder. I... took everything I could think of to the cops, but..." They sighed. "Nothing really came of it. I know it... probably all sounds crazy, but..." The catharsis hit them hard. They hadn't talked about this with anyone, not all of it anyway, not even with Phi or Wasei. They leant their head on their knees for a moment, and then looked over at him. "Just... thank you so much for listening, Jet."

"Of course!" he replied softly. "I'm... I'm sorry if you didn't want to talk about it though!"

"No, no honestly, it's fine!" they insisted. "It was... really good to get it out, I just... I feel like I talked way too much, I'm sorry."

"That's... not a problem." he assured with a slight laugh. "Actually it... feels way more like when we were texting now." That form of conversation came so much more naturally to Hope that it must have been a shock for him when they'd barely said a word when they first showed up here. The two had been talking for the past couple of days, and even though Jet assured them he was fine with how things were going with Theo, there were still so many things that worried Hope about the whole situation.

"Yeah." they agreed with a slight smile, sighing at the predicament they were in nonetheless. "It does." There was a slight pause. They shifted their legs back down and crossed them, placing the hand they could actually move in their lap. Jet looked like he was actually thinking about what they said a little, shifting to lean back onto his hands thoughtfully.

"Look... I don't want to like... deny what you feel about Theo." he began. "I totally agree that he can be a little... intense. But I... guess I like that..." he admitted, smiling off into space.

"You're still completely hung up on him, aren't you?" they asked with a shake of their head, not judgemental as such but certainly a little defeated. "Even after what I told you? Even... after he cuffed us both to the fucking bed?"

Theo had said he had to go get some things, but hadn't really elaborated. In Hope's opinion, the fact he was even that angry they'd been communicating with each other was not a good sign. Before he'd left though, he'd handcuffed Jet's right wrist to the right bedpost of his very large bed, Hope's left to the left. They could technically both move a little. They just couldn't get more than an inch or so away from the bed.

"Well..." Jet replied, looking over at his wrist and rattling it a little. "He gave me a longer cuff yesterday. I think he was just kinda pissed that you showed up without asking."

"I didn't want to have to do that!" they insisted. "I... look... you know how badly I had to psych myself up just to walk up to the building?"

"Then... why did you?" Jet asked, not accusatory, just curious.

"Because, Jet..." they replied, tapping their fingers on their calf anxiously with the hand that wasn't cuffed. "Because half of those things you've told me about Theo were the red flags I never picked up in him when I was seventeen, and... and the other half were red flags I'm apparently still bad at picking up on because they've gotten me killed by other people multiple times..." They realised their impassioned statement had given away too much. "Uh... almost... killed..." they added quickly. "Anyway, y-you weren't answering your texts and... I guess I started to get a little worried."

"I didn't really think it had been that long..." Jet attempted to explain. "We got a little... y'know... distracted." He held a hand to his mouth and giggled slightly. "If you called, I probably would've let you know everything was OK though!"

"Yeah uh... you're right, I probably should've tried that." they admitted, a little embarrassed. "I don't usually think of that sort of thing... I kind of hate phonecalls." They shook their head and let out a nervous laugh at their own inability to do something so supposedly simple.

"I mean, that's fair!" Jet replied with a sympathetic smile. "But I still think maybe it was... a bit of an overreaction?"

"Yeah." they admitted with a slight smile back. "I know it was, I just... I don't know, Jet. I was worried about you."

Jet glanced over at them curiously for a second. "I really do appreciate that you care." he said, and there was a sincerity to his expression that indicated that he meant it. But then he looked across to the opposite wall. "But... I can make my own decisions." he said, with only a hint of uncertainty. "Theo has been really nice to me. He... seems to really like me." he mumbled. Hope could identify with that. In fact they identified with it so hard they could see just how dangerous this could be for him.

"I'm sure he does." they responded. Hell, that seemed such an understatement given they'd heard Theo wax lyrical about how much he was in love with Jet even weeks back. It was still frustrating watching him go down this road though. "But Jet... you deserve someone who wants to just... just be with you, not fucking..." they began, then waved their free hand trying to think of an example. "...I don't know... bury themself alive with you."

"Did... did he say that?" Jet asked with a slight curiosity.

"Jet! Come on man!" they replied, unable to keep from laughing slightly. They shifted again, knees turned towards him though it pulled on their cuffed wrist somewhat.

"OK, OK, look, I'm not that bad." Jet insisted, laughing and mirroring their body language, turning towards them a little too.. "I'm just saying, there's something romantic about the idea of someone loving you that much... isn't there?"

"Of course there is." Hope replied, looking down, fiddling with the bedspread a little and sighing. "That's why I thought of it..." Theo was the type who might actually do it though. That was the difference. "Jet... look... I know what it's like to be drawn in by anyone who... who shows you even the slightest shred of affection, trust me." they mumbled. "But... you'll find someone who can make you happy without hurting you." They looked back up at him earnestly. "I promise." Jet met their gaze. He had really nice eyes, they'd noticed. Beautiful deep grey.

"...Have you?" he asked genuinely. They weren't expecting that, so they stuttered a bit as they went to reply.

"Um... w-well. No, not... not exactly." they admitted awkwardly. Jet's look turned to an empathetic one. "Look, that's not the point..." they insisted. "Will you just please at least consider trying to get out together, and..." They tried to think about this as logically as they could, because Jet was obviously smitten with Theo and she couldn't even blame him. "If Theo's as nice as you said he is, he's really not going to mind." they pointed out. They were very much of the opinion he would mind, but if this worked, they could either be gone completely or try to find something to defend themselves this way.

"Huh." Jet reflected. "I guess you've got a point. I just don't wanna upset him! He's so sweet!"

"I don't want to upset him either, believe me." they replied pointedly. "Look, I don't even know if this will work. But we've got to try something."

"Did you have an idea of how?" Jet asked. "Because to be honest, I'm not usually trying to get out of cuffs." He gave them a little grin and a shrug.

"Valid." they replied with a little smirk back. "I... actually... have broken out of a set before." It'd absolutely wrecked their wrist, worse than it already was, but they'd done it. They were making an attempt to do it now, tugging hard at it, but this thing wasn't budging, no matter how much they pulled. Theo's cuffs were either stronger or they had softer edges.

"Oh, seriously?" Jet replied, looking vaguely impressed. They nodded and shrugged. "I've only ever heard of someone doing that on PCP."

"Don't happen to... carry PCP around with you, do you?" Hope half-joked, still pulling ineffectually at the cuff.

"Sometimes!" Jet replied with a little laugh. "Just... not right now."

"Damn..." Hope replied, laughing ever so slightly but determined to focus on getting this done. "OK... what if we... try and pull at the same time? The weight of the bed might... work against us and break the cuffs?" She wasn't exactly a physicist but it seemed to make some form of sense.

"Or we'll break the bed." Jet pointed out. Hope held back from making a joke at his choice of phrasing.

"I can live with that." they stuck to saying, eyebrows raised. She shifted to face away from Jet, kneeling, and reaching over so her right wrist was holding onto the cuff as well. They turned to watch Jet, who glanced over and then did the same.

"On 3?" he asked, still looking back at them. Hope nodded. "3... 2... 1..." They both tugged their hardest on the cuffs, using all their body weight, but it didn't seem to put any more pressure on them than pulling individually.

"God dammit." Hope yelled exasperatedly. They'd finally convinced Jet to help and now it still wasn't working. She pulled her wrist as hard as they could at another attempt to try and break them, then let out a sharp gasp of pain as a very old scar was dug into. They didn't even know it was that sensitive.

"Hey, are you OK?" Jet asked, picking up that they weren't just upset about it not working. They felt him shift back around to face them.

"Yeah." they lied, but then they actually turned too and looked at him, and saw the look of genuine concern in his wide, grey eyes and broke. "No." they admitted. "Look, I've been trying to stay calm and talk you through all this but I'm..." They looked away for a moment. Then they shifted down onto their back, trying to get their breath back ready to try again, and continued in a mumble. "I'm scared. A bit." they admitted.

"Hey..." Jet said reassuringly, looking down at them. "Look, I get you have this past with Theo, but... I feel like maybe he's really changed! I mean... he didn't actually... try to hurt you when you came in so... so maybe you don't need to worry, right?!" Hope closed their eyes for a moment, and looked up to meet his gaze. They were a little scared for themself. No matter how much it seemed they cheated it, dying still hurt. Not to mention, they didn't know for sure they'd come back in this scenario. They weren't the one captured, they might not be the one in the loop. Jet would.

Except... not a loop. As far as she knew, Jet didn't have this power to re-live deadly scenarios like this. Theo could very easily kill him for all she knew. They certainly couldn't just tell him they lived in a fucking time loop. They were also really bad at expressing when they cared about someone, too. They thought Jet could be a really good friend, and they could maybe even help protect him from his own naivety. But they'd only known him for a couple of days, and they knew it was weird to care that much about someone you barely knew just because they were nice, wasn't it? Or... or maybe if they just stopped overthinking it for one, one second...

"I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for you." they admitted, eyes focused right on his so he knew they meant it. God, why did they say it? He'd find that so pathetic. Jet's expression shifted a little. He still looked concerned about them, perhaps even more so than before. But there was something new to it; a heavy dose of determination. He looked at them a moment more, then swallowed, and shuffled to laying down and stretched as close over Hope as he could get, his forearm hovering over their head as he tried to reach towards the corner where they were cuffed. "Wh-what are you doing?" they asked.

"If we pull on it with both of our free hands, and you pull on it with your wrist, we might be able to break yours." he pointed out, still trying to reach over to do so. It wasn't the worst idea in the world, it really wasn't, except for one pretty major flaw.

"Jet." Hope said sympathetically as she watched him attempt fruitlessly to reach the far corner. "This bed's huge." they pointed out. They weren't sure why Theo even needed such a large bed though they were a little jealous. "And you're short as fuck, man."

Jet frowned, still trying his best to stretch over to them. "I'm about the same height as you." he pointed out.

"I'm short as fuck, man." they laughed back nervously. "Look I really appreciate what you're trying to do but you're going to hurt yourself." They grabbed his wrist and pulled it away, and he reluctantly allowed them to. His fingertips grazed the top of their head slightly on the way back.

"What's-" he responded, then glanced over at them. "Oh that's your hair." He scrunched his fingers in it slightly. Hope nodded, and Jet giggled. "It's so soft and fluffy."

"Yeah, I... guess it is." they replied, They liked their hair a lot in all honesty. They were a sucker for it being played with though, even just having it brushed or cut. So they could feel a slight tingle where he was touching that was admittedly kind of nice.

"How do you get it so soft?" Jet asked, running his hand deeper through her hair in in a way that spread the tingling all over her head and down her neck.

"Um..." they replied, trying not to say anything about how much they were enjoying that. "W-well I only use semi-permanent dye. My hair's a little wavy so I detangle it wet and I try not to use sulphates, silicones, stuff like that." They smiled over at him. "But... yours looks really nice too." they assured, reaching over to touch it. It was soft, but a little greasy. Greasy hair was a bit of a sensory issue for them, but they tried hard not to show it.

"Yeah, sorry, it... probably doesn't feel very nice." he replied absent-mindedly, combing his fingertips through their hair from root to tip one more time before moving his hand and using it to shift theirs out of his with an apologetic look.

"Oh... no, it really was fine, Jet!" they assured, already kind of missing the way he'd been stroking theirs. Although... the way they were vaguely holding hands was kind of nice, too.

"It's OK." Jet replied, looking up at the ceiling as his fingers interlinked into Hope's thoughtfully. This time it was thier face that tingled as a blush spread over their cheeks. They weren't against physical affection between friends at all, they just didn't usually recieve it. Phi saw it as something that was almost exclusively non-platonic, and Was... well Was made retching noises whenever anything like hand holding or cuddling was brought up. "I know I should probably do something about it, I just never do." he admitted. "I try and get my showers over quick so I can go do other stuff."

They nodded. They felt like that too at times, unless it was a long pamper session, then they could usually justify it. "Maybe I could give you a bath." they joked. Actually they weren't too sure if they were joking or offering or... flirting. Oh god. "I mean... sorry, that was probably really weird thing to say!" they spluttered, their face turning considerably redder. They couldn't really cover their face with their hand linked to his so they tried to look away.

"Why would it be weird?" Jet asked with a little smile that drew him back to looking at him directly again. "Ooh, could I do your makeup after?"

"Oh!" they replied, his sweet reply disarming them from their embarrassment, though the fact Jet was taking their offer completely genuinely and accepting meant they were still blushing profusely. "That... um... I'd like that." they managed to reply before they could talk themselves out of it. They smiled, shaking their head. "You're too sweet, Jet." He looked at them and smiled back.

"Well... you're sweet too." he pointed out. "You seem pretty cool, I've really liked texting you the past few days!" Hope gave him and awkward smile and shook their head.

"Me too but... I meant... you're too sweet." she clarified with a soft chuckle and an affectionate look. "I really don't deserve it."

"Well... why not?" Jet asked insistently. "Why wouldn't you deserve someone being nice to you?" They had to admit, they didn't really have an answer for that off the top of their head. They'd done some questionable things in their time to survive. But that aside, they couldn't really think of a solid reason why they didn't.

"Guess you've got me there." they admitted, giving him a small smile. "Still I... I think we should probably... let go." they suggested, looking over at their linked hands, reluctant to actually do it despite their suggestion. This whole thing was fucking scary and that little bit of contact meant a lot to them.

"Oh." Jet replied, looking a little disappointed. That look was so hard to see on him, even harder to know they'd caused it. "Yeah that's fine... sorry, maybe I should have asked first?"

She couldn't bring herself to let him think that. "I mean, it's not that I don'twant to." they clarified hastily, her hand actually twitching because if anything she wanted to clutch tighter. "It's just... r-remember what I said about... um... about affection?" Jet looked like he was struggling to remember, but tried.

"I get... too drawn in by it?" he ventured, with a slight grimace of a smile, like he wasn't sure he'd got it right.

"Kind of." they said, unable to turn that face down because it was admittedly adorable. "Actually, Jet I... said I understand what it's like to be drawn in by it." they explained. "When someone's really nice to me I... y'know." Jet looked at them like he didn't, in fact, know. "Find it... hard not to fall for them." they clarified awkwardly.

"Ohhhhh." Jet replied. "Yeah I... I totally get that actually." He looked at the way their hands were linked, and then to her. "Wait, you're..." he asked, looking to them. "...worried you'd fall for me?!"

"Well... yeah." they admitted. "I mean..." They bit at their lip awkwardly. "Look, I'm obviously not saying I have, Jet, I mean I barely know you." they clarified in case he thought they were being really fucking weird, especially as he had a boyfriend. "But..." They looked over at him and did their best to look him in the eyes. To see him.

He was cute as hell. Beautiful, actually. He talked so much it was infectious, enough to bring even Hope out of their shell and talk too. He made them laugh. He was naive, sure. But that naivety, that honesty, was how they knew he probably wasn't just another dick who'd try to kill her. Most of all, he was kind. Really fucking kind to them.

"Yeah." they finished. "I definitely could." They looked away, staring up at the ceiling, their blush still refusing to fade because this was all so awkward. "I... absolutely fucking would." they added in a slightly self-deprecating sigh out. That sort of thing always ended up hurting, but the fact that he had Theo, who was gorgeous and tall and skinny and masculine and dangerous and... honestly, everything they weren't, would make it feel so much worse. They made a mental note to just... keep their distance if things ever started to get like that.

"...Would that be so bad?" Jet asked in an unusually understated tone. Their eyes flicked quickly back to him in confusion. "I... know I can be pretty annoying..." he said softly. "I know I talk a lot, and... and when I like someone I really just want to be around them all the time so I guess-"

"Jet ..." she interrupted in a puzzled tone, obviously disagreeing with his self-assessment entirely but far more busy being confused to argue against him.

"What?" he replied.

"...Theo?" they asked pointedly, and Jet's face suddenly flickered with recollection and a little guilt. OK, maybe they were wrong. They didn't really think they could fall for someone who could forget about their partner that easily. "Wow..." they said with genuine surprise, given how he'd been vehemently defending Theo minutes earlier.

"Hey, I'm not..." he insisted, obviously picking up on their implication this time. "Look I'm not a dick, we just... we haven't been..." he hesitated, looking unsure how to describe it. "...together... that long!"

They weren't entirely convinced; a few weeks was still long enough to remember he was at least in a relationship at least as far as they were concerned. "Were you... friends for a while first?" they asked to try and move past the awkwardness, wondering where the love part came in. Jet didn't answer at first, looking a little embarrassed.

"Actually... I've only known him a few days." he admitted. "I met him the day before we started texting. When you called him my boyfriend I just kind of went with it because..." he blushed slightly. "Well I guess I thought it was kind of sweet that he said that." That rang all sorts of alarm bells for Hope, and it wasn't even because she thought the two of them were moving too fast. It was because one of them had to be lying, and right now, she trusted Jet a hell of a lot more than Theo. "...What?" he asked, obviously seeing the look on her face.

"Jet... Theo told me you two were... really serious..." they replied slowly, trying to figure it out. "He's... been talking about you for weeks now."

"He's..." Jet began, stopping himself mid-sentence, looking like his brain had frozen. "Wait.... what?" he questioned, utterly confused. "How...?" Unfortunately Hope couldn't help him with that one, they had no explanation that made any sense either. Any chance they'd had of figuring it out, though, was snatched from them as they heard the front door to Theo's apartment practically fly open.

"Shit." Hope whispered, finally snatching their hand away from Jet's. Yes, they didn't want to, especially when they were anxious as hell about what was about to happen, but they couldn't get caught like that. She doubted it meant anything to Jet himself. It probably meant more than her than it should. But to Theo it would mean a lot, and that would not be good for either of them.

There was the sound of the door being slammed and at least one lock being shut and then Theo rushed into the bedroom, looking a little apologetic at first. "Sorry I uh... got a little held up at the doctors!" he explained, holding up a bag that had very likely been stolen, as a neat plaque with "Property of Dr. S. Hauer" was fixed to the side. His eyes passed over them both on the bed, and then he dropped the bag and stared. Stared hard. "What did you do?" he asked, his tone suddenly low and accusatory.

Jet and Hope exchanged glances, but unsurprisingly, he spoke first. "Nothing you need to worry about, Theo!" he said brightly. "We talked for a while but we're still in the cuffs, look!" he held up his wrist and shook it to show him.

"It... doesn't look like nothing." Theo muttered. Hope glanced at Jet. He was still blushing from having made his admission about Theo. She felt like she still was too. Both their hair was a little ruffled, and so were the sheets where they'd made attempts to get out. Still... it wasn't possible. They didn't even have the ability to kiss, let alone anything else.

"Theo..." Hope told him. "I don't know what you think we did but... we're not even able to get that close." she explained, reaching across to the back of Jet's neck cautiously to show him, about as far as she could reach without stretching. She felt Jet fidget slightly at the gentle touch.

"Don't touch him!" Theo snapped anxiously, like she'd tried to steal a priceless diamond. "You're close enough t-to... to have your hands down each others pants." he accused.

"What?" Jet replied, as he and Hope glanced at each other. He began to raise himself back up to sitting. "No we... we didn't do anything like that..."

"I know you both. I knew I shouldn't have left you alone together and I still... I still..." He didn't seem angry so much as incredibly distressed, putting a hand to his forehead and sliding it up into his hair exasperatedly.

"OK, Theo, your paranoia is kicking in, alright... just try and breathe for a second." Hope suggested as calmly as they could, also rising up to their knees.

"No, nonono..." Theo muttered deliriously. "You don't get to try and control me like that anymore." he snapped, looking over at Hope. "This is all your fault. You... you led my Jet astray and now you're lying to me..." Hope stared at him. There weren't a lot of things that truly annoyed them. But being called a liar? That really got under their skin.

"We're not lying." they said through gritted teeth, at least trying to hold back for self-preservation reasons. "If anything... you're the liar..." They tried to keep their tone as measured as possible, despite how pissed off they were. "Y-you've been talking to me about Jet for weeks, you said you were in love, and now I find out you've been together, what... less than three days?"

Jet looked to Theo too. "I... would like to know about that, Theo." he admitted, not so much looking suspicious as still really confused about it. "Could you please just... explain?" He gave Theo an innocent little smile, but whether it was genuine, feigned or a little of both, Hope was unsure of. "For me?"

That smile seemed to break Theo out of his distress just a little. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "Jet..." he said softly. "I'm not an idiot. I knew they would eventually tell you I've been talking about you for a while." Jet nodded slowly, still looking unsure. Theo opened his deep blue eyes back up and trained them on him. "I just... I thought it'd make it easier."

"Easier to do what?" Jet asked with genuine curiosity.

"To... to tell you." Theo said breathlessly, stepping closer to the bed and pushing Jet's hair back off of his face, turning his chin up towards him. "To tell you that I love you."

Jet's eyes widened. "Th-theo..." he replied, blushing hard. Hope felt disheartened by how pleased he seemed about that. They were never going to get out of here alive. Before Jet could say anything further though, Theo knelt down beside the bed, holding the smaller man's cuffed hand in his, planting a kiss to it and looking at him reverently.

"No but... before you... tell me it's too soon I... I have to explain everything." he told him frantically, taking a deep breath in and out. "I've... been watching you, Jet. For... for a while now." Jet looked slightly more concerned at that, admittedly. "So... so I'm not just making it up, and I don't just... just fall in love with anyone, either. I know all about you, Jet. And I love everything about you."

"You've... been... watching me?" Jet repeated back, as Hope silently willed him to realise how creepy that was. He looked like he at least somewhat did. "I'm... not too sure how I feel about that part..."

"No..." Theo replied. "No, no, it was... I didn't intend to do it, I was just... just curious about you. B-but the more I found out about you, the more there was to like, and... and I ended up falling for you... s-sl hard..." His voice was a frantic ramble. "So hard I wanted to be you sometimes, because I know... I know how perfect you are." Although shaken, Jet still looked a little enraptured with that. "And... and you'll love me!" he insists. "I know you might not just yet but you'll love me because I'm... I'm doing everything to be as perfect as you."

"You can't just... cheat your way to a loving relationship." Hope couldn't help but interject quietly. "That's... not how it works, Theo."

"Haven't you done enough, Ebony?" Theo snapped, glaring over at them. "Can't you just let us be happy?"

"Theo... I... I go by Hope now." Hope told him quietly. "You know that."

"Right, right. You're that desperate to run away from the past." Theo assesses. "To run away from all the times you fucked up. To run away from me."

From Hope's perspective, it was almost laughable how much importance he placed upon himself in their life. "Jesus fucking Christ, Theo, it literally has nothing to do with you!" they insisted.

"Woah... uh... if that's their dead name then that's not cool, Theo." Jet pointed out in a gently warning tone.

"Oh... uh, it's... it's not like that Jet." Hope explained, genuinely worried for him if he defended them. "Don't... don't worry."

Hope didn't consider themself to have a deadname. But their full name was indeed Ebony Hope Chambers. For a long time they had used their middle name when first meeting someone if they were worried they were a little sketchy. Back when they were more naive, more trusting, that really wasn't often. But with all the kidnaps and deaths and rebirths they'd been through? It had become more and more frequent, until eventually, they'd got so used to it, it had just stuck. The sad truth was, they actually loved their first name.

It was cute, dark, at least somewhat androgynous; the same kind of way they'd like to be viewed. It was what they remembered being called as a kid, when they felt like they were worth something because even if they seemed to have no friends, at least they were insanely smart. What they remembered being called as a teenager when they'd finally gone from doing what they were good at to what they were passionate about; designing, singing, falling in love. Even getting a few friends who seemed to understand them. Though the situation with Theo was a bit of a knock to that.

Ebony was weird, dramatic, clingy, sarcastic, shy. They weren't for everyone. But they were also unique, passionate, romantic, funny, considerate. That person hadn't gone anywhere. But around the same time they'd had to stop trusting people enough to give their first name, they'd also become tougher. They'd become used to torture and pain and blood and death. They'd become more anxious than ever, barely speaking a lot of the time, and simultaneously they'd learnt to fight back. To offer their body as a bargaining chip, wishing it would somehow lead to true affection. To kill.

So yeah. She'd love to be Ebony again. But Ebony was who she was before she'd got stuck in this cycle of death and rebirth. If anything, Hope was thier "dead"name. At least until they could get back to living a normal life, that was who they were now.

"See, Jet." Theo agreed. "I'd never do something like that. Unlike some people, I have more respect than that." he said with a subtle glare towards Hope.

"What's that supposed to mean?" they ask. It may not trigger their temper the way being called a liar does, but it's still pretty hurtful. Theo let go of Jet's hand and walked around the bed to them.

"First," he says in an accusatory manner. "You misspell Jet's name on the damn coffee cup-"

"Which you yelled in my face for until I changed it." she pointed out. "My manager has only seen us interact twice and she wants me to get a restraining order against you, by the way."

"Wait... that's what happened?" Jet asked, looking between the two of them.

"-then you somehow manage to start texting my boy." Theo continued, so focused on Hope he barely noticed Jet's question. He points towards their phones that he'd confiscated on the other side of the room.

"I... texted them too." Jet interjects. "Look... Theo... just because I have friends, it... doesn't mean I like you any less!"

"-Finally, you come to my apartment out of nowhere and you touch my boy." he finished insistently, his voice growing louder and louder as he came up into their face. "So if anyone is weird and creepy and obsessive, it's you!"

"Theo... I... I never called you..." they tried to argue, but their voice was wavering a little. Being yelled at like that always made them feel like a scared little kid again. On top of that, everything he was saying was sinking in. They had a horrible cold feeling seeping into the centre of their chest. What if he was... right? What if they were the problem? They closed their eyes. "M-maybe... you're right... I'm sorry."

"Hope..." Jet said softly, sounding upset for them, but it wasn't enough to pull them out of the spiral.

"Sorry... about everything?" Theo asked slowly. They opened their eyes back up and looked at him, trying to ascertain why he was asking. "So you did touch?"

"Definitely not in the way you think, Theo." Jet insisted.

"But... if you want to be literal, then, yeah." Hope admitted with a sigh at his persistence. "It was... all my fault though."

"It wasn't, Hope..." Jet replied. "I was the one who-"

"Jet." Hope said, not wanting him to put himself at risk. At least if they became the target of Theo's rage they might survive it. "If I hadn't tried to get you to escape, none of this would have happened."

"Now it's all coming out..." Theo muttered under his breath. "What, you thought you were gonna run away together, that it?" he asked a little bitterly. This felt like a losing battle now. Hope was starting to lose all motivation to fight him. "I don't blame you for wanting to..." he said softly, closing his eyes, though it was unclear if he meant Jet, Hope, or both.

"Theo..." Jet started. "I don't know what you want me to say..." He looked to Hope. "They seemed really scared of you and I... I just... wanted to help." It tugged at their heartstrings severely. From the look on Theo's face though, it was having a very similar effect on him. He started to back away from Hope.

"You have such a soft heart." he told Jet, going back over to sit in front of him. He reached out for the hand of Jet's that wasn't cuffed, holding it in both of his. "Jet..." he said softly. His demeanour changed so easily around Jet. He became so gentle. Hope remembered thinking that was who Theo was. But she guessed the softness was just... trained in her direction back then. "Whatever happened... I believe in what we have." he said, searching Jet's face carefully before continuing. "So... if you wanna tell me, really wanna tell me that you don't like me anymore after all this then... then you can go. I'll let you both out of the cuffs." He looked down at Jet with melancholy eyes. "But if you stay with me... I'll let them out." he said to Jet. "And you and me... we can have a life together. Forever." He glanced over at Hope pointedly. "Can you offer him that?"

Hope fixed him with a distrustful stare, both confused at the idea Theo might let them both go, and confused by him even asking them that. "No." they replied. "Of course I can't, I... I'm not trying to..." they looked to Jet. "But..." If there was even a slight chance Theo's offer was genuine, they had to take it. "..but I do care about you, Jet and... you don't even have to stop seeing Theo, if you just let me get you somewhere safe..."

"Give it up, Ebony." Theo snapped at them impatiently. "You've just proved you don't get it."

"...You promise you'll let them out?" Jet asked Theo.

"Of course." Theo replied sweetly, his blue eyes trained on Jet's grey ones. Jet looked back to Hope.

"Jet, no..." they pleaded.

"Yeah." Jet said, giving them a determined smile. Then he looked up at Theo. "I'll stay with you." he agreed softly. Hope couldn't figure out if he was doing it for their benefit or if he really wanted to, but either way they begun to shake their head softly, convinced he was making a huge mistake. Theo smiled widely, leaning in and kissing Jet hard. When they pulled apart, Jet was blushing a little and smiling too. They guessed at least there was something genuine between them. Maybe Jet would be OK.

"Y-you... can't talk to each other again." Theo insisted. He went over to get both of their phones. Hope watched him unlock both, exchanging glances with Jet. They didn't know about him, but they'd certainly never told Theo their pin. He pushed a few buttons, presumably deleting each other's numbers and messages. He went over and handed Jet his. "From now on, you tell me who you talk to." he said firmly.

"...O...K..." Jet replied with a little unease in his tone. Theo walked around to Hope. However, as soon as he saw their face he hesitated. They looked at him silently, scared to do anything that would further antagonise him. But he started shaking his head angrily. He dropped their phone on the floor, and smashed it with the heel of his boot. Hope drew a sharp but quiet intake of breath.

"...the hell, Theo...?" they asked exhaustedly, not even able to bring themselves to yell at him. Forget numbers, they might not be able to afford a new phone for months now. Even Jet looked like he didn't know what to say. But as promised, Theo pulled at the key for Hope's cuffs from his wrist, leaning close to them with a glare but unlocking them.

"Why is it I never feel even with you?" he asked them, looking down at the key. He walked over to the doctor's bag and dropped it in, looking inside, his eyes flicking over the contents.

"Maybe because I never did anything for you to feel even about." they pointed out, shaking their head. "Theo I liked you. And I liked Sandy. She just asked me first."

"How is that fair?" he asked. "I... I loved you more than she did! How is it fair?"

"It's not!" they tried to sympathise, getting up and cautiously stepping closer with their hands raised, trying to get him to look at her so she could calm him down like she used to. "You know, you always used to say we were... so alike." they reminded him, feeling a weird sense of... nostalgia, almost. "That's how I know that... that sometimes when we're too shy to tell people how we feel... things that could've been good do just... just slip by you, y'know?" They'd had more than their fair share of things like that. "I'm sorry Theo, but that's... that's just what happens."

"You don't know how much it hurt!" Theo snapped back, hand clutching to his stomach, looking nauseated. "It felt like... felt like..." he started to hyperventilate slightly, staring at them with panic in his eyes like he was cornered, then pulled something from the bag. Sharp. Shiny. A scalpel. He pointed it at Hope, shaking, while they immediately recoiled.

"Woah, Theo, c'mon, you said you'd let 'em go!" Jet interjected abruptly, raising up yo his knees and pulling against his cuff.

"I did, Jet!" Theo insists with an earnesty that was actually pretty scary. They grabbed Hope's freed wrist hard and they yelped. Even after all these years it was a shock to the system because he used to be so... gentle. "I did let them go. But I... but I don't..."

"Theo, please... you don't want to..." Hope began, then realised he probably did want to right now. "You don't want to do anything that would... would make Jet think less of you." they attempted to bargain.

"He wouldn't!" he hissed quickly, making it clear they'd picked a poor choice of words. "He won't!" He grabbed their wrist tighter then pulled them right to him, holding them close with his arm across their chest, his front to their back. He teases the blade down their throat, hooking it into the zip pull of their leather jacket and dragging it downward to expose the cropped shirt they were wearing underneath. They usually wore them for work because it looked cute with the apron. But right now their midriff was completely exposed. He scraped the tip of the scalpel over the gem of their belly button piercing, probably because he knew it would set their teeth on fucking edge in a way trailing across their skin never could. Bastard.

"Theo!" Jet pleaded desperately, tugging on his cuff. Even he wasn't getting through to him anymore, though. Theo's arm brushed their stomach as he reached across, right before he plunged the scalpel incredibly deep inside of them, forcing a loud shriek of pain from them. Jet looked on, horrified, looking rather nauseous, perhaps even woozy. They didn't know how this would all happen. If this counted as a loop, it'd likely all be rewritten. But either way... they had to at least try to assuage his guilt.

"Jet... listen to me. I know it's not going to look like it, but I will be OK." they assured him frantically. "Keep yourself..." they began, then screamed as Theo sliced hard across their abdomen in a way that burned white-hot across their entire core. "...safe." they finished in a gasp. The last thing they truly saw of Jet were his eyes looking completely terrified... before they fluttered back into his head and he collapsed backwards onto the bed.

They were worried about what was going to happen to him now, but they honestly didn't blame him. They could feel their blood beginning to gush violently out of the wound and flood onto the floor, but Theo had cut deep, so that wasn't the end of it. They could see their own organs falling from their body, their guts spilling out everywhere. Theo was still clutching hard at their chest, the only thing keeping them upright as their body grew weak and dizzy in his arms. He squeezed their body hard, mouth right beside her ear. "You know why you don't get it, Ebony?" he taunted quietly. "Because no-one will ever love you like I did." He was breathing hot and angry against her neck. "No one will ever love you."

They knew on some level, he was probably right. Maybe that was why their only reply was choked sobbing, or maybe that was the only sound they could come out with the way the life was draining from their body. Either way, his words were the last thing she heard before she faded from consciousness. In that world, anyway.

No sound... no edge... no shore...

There they were there again, back to the same place they always went when they died.

Normally they'd focus on the white light all around them, the same light that would hold her, take her, draw her back to reality, to the beginning of the loop. Wherever the beginning of this loop even was. But right now, for the first time, they decided they wanted to cling on a little longer, eyes focused on the water lapping softly at their calves.

Beautiful deep grey.

She really hoped Jet would be OK.

End note: OK HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED. This fic is the culmination of like 3 different jokes: 1. My OC absolutely must give Jet a bath, 2. Theo seems to have a thing for tiny goths, and 3. Jet and Hope would be amazing besties but they'd most likely end up with their hands down each others pants(hence instantly thinking of them when this prompt came up). OK I don't think I shared that one with anyone but c'mon.

What I didn't expect was that just starting to write this one (1) interaction between them would lead me to kinda fully ship them. Like, a lot. 🫣

I'm sure I will not be at all obnoxious or abnormal about this...