#it's a hilarious amount of absurd

[tumblasha]

bad news and being strong for a community (cw: cancer)

so today (as of an hour ago?) we got bad news from one of the vlog/brothers (slashes bc this is a journal post and i don't want this to be searchable by the fandom, which is basically this whole site), and it makes me really sad to hear about the hard time that H is going to go through

cancer has a way of really fucking everything up. it got my old high school french teacher, it hurt my young cousin a lot, and it just keeps going. H's cancer is one that has a really well-known treatment, and i'm glad that he's able to get some of the best treatment in the world alongside his friends (who i assume are great at supporting him)

i can't imagine what it's like to put on a strong (calm?) face for a multi-million person community (everyone who spends more than a minute in the kitchen knows how i feel about everything :skull:). the education sector and youtube have this assumption that the feelings of the teachers / performers matter less than the feelings of the students / audience, but H is smart, so i'm 99% sure he healthily processes his emotions off-screen

one of H's requests from the multi-million person community is to send him media to consume that is Very (emotionally) Light. think emily in paris or ... idk?? i've realized all my media tends to have more than a touch of sad, oops. maybe i need to start consuming lighter media? pls gimme recs <3

tl; dr: big emotions are hard. pls gimme emotionally light media to consume (om nom)

[dragonsbluee]

I'm trying to count how many times Hiccup is captured/kidnapped throughout both series, the movies and the short films, so here's my criteria:

Any time he is unwillingly moved from one location to another by a dragon, viking or other character.

This includes any dragons picking him up and flying off somewhere, even if he is okay with it later.

This does not include when Toothless/his friends drag him off to show him something.

Any situation that prompted the dragon riders to rescue him.

Any plans that involved him giving himself up or joining up with a villain/antagonist.

This does not include the time he and Dagur were trapped on that island together.

Any time he is tied up and led somewhere or locked up/held in place with a guard.

Here is the list of situations I have compiled in (hopefully) chronological order:

HTTYD

Congratulations, no captures or kidnappings.

GIFT OF THE NIGHT FURY

When Meatlug (accidentally) brings Hiccup along to the Rookery.

RIDERS OF BERK

S1E6 - Hiccup gets taken to Dragon Island.

S1E16 - Hiccup is captured by the Outcasts on their island.

S1E19 - Alvin Captures Hiccup and Toothless at the "Isle of Night".

DEFENDERS OF BERK

S1E20 - Hiccup gives himself up to Dagur as part of his plan with Alvin.

RACE TO THE EDGE

S1E1 - the Dragon Riders get captured by Daugr on a hunter ship.

S1E7 -The twins put him in prison (this one's just here because I think it's funny).

S2E6 - The Dragon Hunters capture him.

S2E11 - The Dragon Riders get captured trying to save the Skrill.

S3E1 - Hiccup is captured by Dragon Hunters while trapped on an island with Dagur.

S3E8 - Hiccup and Toothless get caught in a Dragon Hunter Trap and are kidnapped and forced to participate in dragon fights.

S3E12 - Viggo captures all the Dragon Riders at the auction.

S3E13 - The Defenders of the Wing capture the Dragon Riders.

S4E3 - First Hiccup is caught by Amos and Berthel.

S4E3 - Then he's caught by Savage.

S4E3 - Then Krogan gets him after Throk saves him.

S4E3 - Ryker captures him for the tiniest bit right before the riders arrive.

S4E10 - Hiccup is caught with Ruffnut when he tries to rescue her from Viggo's trap. Unlike the other traps, he needs the other dragon riders to rescue them.

S5E2 - The Sandbuster captures Hiccup and Snotlout.

S6E8 - Viggo hands Hiccup over to Krogan as part of their plan.

HTTYD 2

Valka kidnaps Hiccup and Toothless.

HTTYD 3

Grimmel captures the dragon riders.

HOMECOMING

Once again, no captures of kidnappings

Up For Debate:

There are a few situations which technically fit the criteria, but I'm not sure if they fit considering the context of the show:

S5E5 - the riders are stuck on Vanaheim, guarded by the Sentinels. (Rtte)

S1E3 - This is a technicality, but when Hiccup joins up with Dagur to keep him away from the other dragons. (Dob)

EDIT: I forgot that even though my criteria says that the time Dagur and Hiccup are trapped on that island together (S3E1 of RTTE) doesn't count, because he is joining up with an (at the time) antagonist, there is a moment when Hiccup is captured by Dragon Hunters near the end of the episode.

After careful discussion (aka me ranting at my roommate) S4E10 of RTTE is also moving from "up for debate" to the official list. These changes are reflected above.

This brings our official count to 22 captures/kidnappings!

Honestly, the hardest part about this was finding the distinction between being captured or being trapped and what I wanted to count. When Hiccup isn't captured, he spends a lot of time in traps.

[anime-scarves]

Ok. So. Cocaine Bear was actually hilarious. I hadn't seen any of the promotional material and just knew that I needed to see a movie about the time a bear ate a bunch of cocaine. By all accounts this was actually a good thing because apparently the trailers and ads really hype it up as this amazing movie that's gonna be better than everything. And it's just not. And that's ok.

What it is, is a hilarious comedy slasher where the slasher is a bear zonked out of its mind on cocaine. A lot of the comedy was genuinely funny and they knew exactly what they wanted the movie to be. It's not going to win awards, but it's going to make you laugh a lot and have a good time.

[angelstrawbabie420]

dyslexia is wild bro you literally will see things that are simply not there and words change at a glance it’s so disorienting

[sonknuxadow]

i hate being overly negative about a new sonic project because. while im not against criticizing them and will criticize them when i see fit. i still try to find the positives in everything sonic even the games that are widely labelled as irredeemable garbage. because i love sonic and i hate it when sonic is the punching bag of the internet and i do genuinely believe that every piece of sonic media has at least some good qualities but like. the knuckles series really isnt very good im sorry people are right about this one . and i say this as someone who likes the sonic movies and thought knuckles was awesome in sonic 2 . where did we go wrong as a society

[transingthoseformers]

This is making me want reread The Doctor Is In. Sometimes I forget how hilarious this is and ironically on the day I was already rereading Accidental War Criminal Acquisition.

It's wild.

Ggjgjkg yesss do it

[crow-ooc]

this reboot made me realise how much of a boyfailure corr is when he's not saying the exact same one word all the time

[fakakta-art]

I'm a simple person, I see a hilarious tumblr post and I spend a frankly absurd amount of time drawing it.

[redflagshipwriter]

Fast Car Chapter Two (of four)

masterpost

Was this guy for real? Jason nearly decided not to get in out of suspicion. Danny was one of the very few loose ends in his crime yesterday. He sort of figured that eventually Batman would find the driver he’d used to get a duffle bag of heads to the police station. He stalled. It had seemed like an acceptable risk, since he hadn’t shown the guy his face. The only information that the police should have been able to get was where he’d left and that he’d used one of his victim’s phones to call for a ride.

And yet Danny was waiting patiently at the curb for the Red Hood to get in. Wasn’t he scared?

He had been all over the news yesterday. Danny had to know.

‘Either he’s dumb as a box or he is one of the chillest people I’ve ever even heard of.’

Morbid curiosity got him into the car. Danny locked the door as soon as the door was shut– but it was clearly routine. He’d done that yesterday, right. Jason waited a moment before he remembered that Danny wasn’t going to pull out until he had his seatbelt on. He let out a laugh and buckled up. It was pretty cute, actually.

Now that he wasn’t so distracted, maybe he could make small talk. Danny pulled them out into the sparse early morning traffic with an expression of determined focus.

Jason cleared his throat. “You moved to Gotham recently?” he started with. Danny didn’t have the local speaking pattern.

Danny nodded. “For school,” he shared easily. “I’m in the sciences program at Gotham U’s south campus.”

…So he wasn’t the world’s biggest dummy. Jason sat there and contemplated how catastrophically chill a body would have to be to chit chat with a man who had killed like 20 people yesterday that he knew of. Why wasn’t Danny scared? What was his damage? 

‘There’s something really wrong with him,’ Jason thought, with no small bit of admiration. Way too late he commented, “That’s cool, man.”

“Thanks.” Danny seemed unbothered by his long delay in conversation. “You know, I had to go to that same police station this morning.”

Jason tensed. Was Danny making some kind of threat?

“They got a whole shitton of muffins and six quiches delivered,” Danny went on. He appeared to feel no sense of danger in the car.

‘Is he… Did he decide to inform on the police to me?’ Jason’s eye twitched. ‘I already knew that I’d have ruined their whole month but… This is kinda satisfying to hear, actually.’ He made a listening sound to prompt Danny to continue. He couldn't lie; he was intrigued.

“Yeah, they looked like total shit.” Danny was so blithe about it that it became surreal and hilarious. “Exhausted. But that’s not my business.” He crinkled up his nose. “Do you know what they tipped me for that?” He didn’t wait for Jason to go on. “Two dollars.” He made a big gesture with his left hand that took it off the steering wheel despite the fact they were mid turn. “That’s ridiculous! I drove halfway across town, waited for the place to open, carried an absurd amount up those stairs, and for two dollars.” He blew a disrespectful raspberry.

“Fuck the police,” Jason said sympathetically. 

Aight. He saw how it was. He mentally tabulated what was in his wallet and allocated a cool thirty dollars to Danny as a tip. For an informant, that was as cheap as bagged rice. Helluva value. He leaned back in the seat and it squeaked under his weight. “How’s Gotham been treating you?”

“Fine, fine,” Danny said absently. He switched lanes a little too abruptly. “Not that different from home, honestly. I don’t know why people are so dramatic about it.” He floored it to squeak through a yellow light.

Jason had the dawning suspicion that Danny had been on his best driving behavior yesterday. But- “Where is home?” It was more morbid curiosity. He kind of regretted that he was nearly to his stop. 

“Amity Park. Illinois.”

Jason winced. “My condolences.”

Danny laughed, high and sort of eerie now that Jason was really listening to it. It sent an  electric zing up his spine. “That’s what they always say.” He seemed to find it really funny. Way funnier than it should have been.

‘...What are the odds that this guy is one of the weird mutants they make in Amity?’ Jason resisted the urge to ask prying questions. Talia had told him to stay the fuck out of that area so that she didn’t have to rescue him from a government black site. It wasn’t his business and he didn’t have the luxury of the time to go and investigate every cute boy with a nice laugh who wanted to be an informant to the Red Hood.

It was with extreme regret that Jason recognized his stop coming up. He let out a sigh. The voice scramblers in his hood turned it to static. He watched the curb approach with disappointment. Danny made to pull in next to a dark shop. Jason glanced into the windows and caught the reflection of the last person he wanted to see. 

“Batmobile.” He sat up straight, alarmed. It was parked out of sight in an alley. Shit. Shit, of course Batman had tracked back the delivery driver that had brought him to the police building. Fuck. How was he going to get away on foot-

Danny jerked back into the street and hit the pedal to the floor. The engine made a scream of machine fear but holy hell did it accelerate. Jason yelled too and grabbed onto the door handle. He aimed wide eyes at Danny, uncomprehending. 

“Fuck Batman!” Danny yelled out his open window, and they were off.

Holy shit. Holy shit!

The batmobile turned on, the normally silent engine’s purr rearing up to a threatening growl as Bruce veered out onto the street in pursuit.

Danny took them down an alley and Jason sharply readjusted his assessment of Danny’s intelligence. “We can’t fit!” He yelled, trying to pull the brake. If they had to stop in the alley it was all over, Batman would block them off.

Danny slapped his hand away and barreled-

Jason blinked as they raced down the impossibly narrow alleyway. He bit his lip. He looked at the car again, recalculating.

No. No, it definitely didn’t fit. He leaned a little away from the window, extremely uncomfortable. He looked at just the right time to see the passenger mirror collide with a dumpster and slide through undeterred.

Ah. Alright, then. He made a “Fair enough” face and turned around to see that the batmobile was lifting up and doing some weird transformers bullshit to fit down the alleyway. They were gaining ground from Batman. “Sorry I tried to touch the controls,” Jason said, a bit late. He glanced down and realized that his hand stung where Danny had slapped it. He pulled it to his chest and rubbed at it, frowning slightly.

“No worries,” Danny said tersely. He hit the breaks and raked the wheel car to make a fucking pinpoint turn without slowing. Just like that, they were out of Batman’s direct line of sight. A solid inch of the inside of the car overlapped with a folding chair outside someone’s home.

Jason eyed Danny judgmentally.

“Wow, that was a close fit,” Danny said, extremely unconvincing. “We are lucky, huh.” He aimed the car at a wall and somehow ramped up. 

‘I think I might be sick.’

Jason decided that the best thing for him to do right now was to close his eyes and say nothing at all. If Danny wanted plausible deniability for his mutant powers, that was whatever. 

‘How did Batman know where I was going?’ He worked through the problem. ‘Did he hack Danny’s account? If not, someone sold me out.’

Just like that, Jason had a list of people to visit for the day. “D’you think you could drop me off at C street instead?” He felt the uncomfortable swooping sensation in his stomach that indicated they’d made some kind of move that should not exist off of a rollercoaster.

“Yeah, of course, sorry about this.” Danny sounded a little breathless. “Ah- don’t look.” He cackled.

…’He’s dodging Batman for his benefit, not mine,’ the penny dropped. Jason laughed out loud and then leaned forward to hold his head in his hands. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Danny was the perfect man. They drove for a while in silence before Jason managed to collect himself. “No worries,” he said through tears. “Hey, no sweat if it’s no, but can I get your number?”

Danny paused.

Oh, fuck. Jason cringed. “I'll leave mine and you can call me if you ever need me,” he corrected hastily. “No pressure.” He scribbled it on the back of a loose receipt in Danny's cupholder and left it, mortified but also glad he shot his shot.

[homunculus-argument]

I get that the fetishization of trans women is a serious issue that actively hurts and endangers trans women as much as transphobia in general does, but the amount of lesbians online who shut down batshit transmisogynist fearmongering by being unapologetically horny about it is hilarious. Like you see some TERF take like "these dangerous monsters are going to [absurd and graphic description of some sexual activity that's clearly supposed to be the most horrible and scary thing this person can think of] to lesbians", and there's like five lesbians immediately in the comments going

"Ooh, where? Where are they? Can you like, draw a map of where they are? Is it like a community service charity kind of thing, or am I allowed to tip them?"

What a way to efficiently draw clear that not only do these absurd fearmongering fabrications have no touch to reality, they would still be fucking absurd to be afraid of if they did. No way to shut down smug "I bet you didn't even consider that this Super Scary Scenario that I just made up in my head is going to happen!" than by going "oh wow, I sure didn't. But now that you mentioned it, I sure am going to daydream about that for the rest of the afternoon."

[yoredoesmore]

Is it cool if I request Hoshina Soshiro x Fem reader but Hoshina saw the reader drawing him on her sketch book a place can be anywhere.

Ok bye!

a/n: what a cute little request! Thank you so much for submitting something ^^

pairing: Hoshina x fem!Reader

summary: reader draws her vice captain as a cat (=^･ｪ･^=)

genre: fluff/romance/comedy [wc: 1.1k ]

enjoy!

Vice Catnip Hoshina | Hoshina Soshiro

It was one of those days again, where peace and quiet consumed Tachikawa Base. Most of today's schedule consisted of training sessions and important battle discussions– two activities that did not demand your presence as Operations Sub Leader. Your workload consisted of finding new information on the Kaiju and Improving the suit's functions.

Therefore you sat in the cramped space of your office, mind trapped in a cloud of concentration. You normally felt nothing but joy when pursuing your job. Every little achievement, be it fixing a small issue or handing in a report, made the pride in your heart grow. But today that energy had left you.

You felt little to no joy nor motivation, the mere thought of picking up the next file caused you immense stress. All you wished for was to lie down on your bed and enjoy the beautiful spring weather. But your next break was hours away and the way things were looking right now, with the huge pile of papers that sat in front of you, you wouldn't be out of her before midnight.

“Ugh..if only I wasn't alone.” You sighed, hands reaching for your mechanical pencil. While thinking about what piece of work to tackle next, you dragged your pencil over a ripped piece of paper, scribbling whatever came to mind. You found out that this was quite therapeutic and helped you blow off some steam sometimes.

As you looked down to see what you created, you were met with an abstract doodle of a cat.

You smiled.

The cat was holding a fish in her hand and her mouth sat wide open to devour it. Your eyes moved across the drawn lines, with nothing in mind at first, until you realized that its teeth looked awfully familiar. Two sharp fangs, where have you seen those before..?

Almost immediately an image popped into your head, the very face of your beloved Vice Captain. It was quite absurd, comparing Hoshina to a cat, yet the more you thought about it the more the resemblance struck you– until you were fully convinced that the Vice Captain looked just like a cat.

In any normal situation you would have allowed yourself a quick laugh and move on with your duties but for some reason imagining Hoshina as a cat was quite hilarious, thus you entertained yourself further with the thought.

“The Vice Captain as a cat..what would he look like exactly?” Your hands reached for your pencil case where they pulled out an eraser. Now fully equipped you felt ready to bring your imagination to life. You scribbled and drew and erased, trying to create a perfect reflection of your mind. Twenty minutes went by without you realizing, this new activity having you in quite a hold. You were so deep in thought that you didn't even hear the door opening.

As you drew the final line a hum of satisfaction escaped your lips. Your gaze admired the art you had put on your notebook, pride shining in your eyes.

“Is that supposed to be me?”

You froze.

The pencil you were holding on so tightly only seconds ago fell out of your hands, connecting with the cold floor and the blood in your body turned to ice as you finally perceived the new presence behind you. Slowly turning your body around, you were met with the curious face of your Vice Captain.

“No.” Was the only response you found yourself being able to come up with.

“But it says Vice Catnip at the bottom, slightly inappropriate if I might add but I'll let it slide because it's a good drawing.”

Ten minutes ago you were giggling and laughing at the slightly inappropriate pun you came up with. You spend a good amount of time thinking of cat related words that would either match Vice or Captain– Vice Cat-tain would have almost made it on the paper but the pronunciation felt off.

If only you would have gone with that one.

You sat there in silence, neither of you saying anything. Hoshina patiently waited for you to explain yourself but the only thing you wished to do was take the paper and rip it into thousand little pieces.

“It's you..” You finally managed to admit. You mentally prepared yourself to get the scolding of your life. Hoshina was not the type of guy who took any type of mockery lightly but instead of teasing words, you were graced with a heartfelt laugh. The man reached his hand out to grab the paper and give it a more thorough examination.

“Please don't look at it!” Your protest fell on deaf ears as the Vice Captain dragged his eyes over every line, carefully analyzing your art work. You were no match for him either. Desperately you tried to snatch the paper out of his grip but every time you lifted your hands, Hoshina pulled away at the last second. After two minutes you simply gave up and accepted your fate.

“I'm not mad if that's what ya thinkin.” He suddenly said, returning the art piece.

“You are not..?” Your hands reached out to receive it.

“It's quite cute. Me as a cat, never imagine that.” His little laugh slightly eased the tension in the air, allowing you to relax. Placing the drawing down, you started to explain to the Vice Captain how you ended up in this situation, so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea. To your surprise, he showed quite a lot of consideration and even admitted that he liked it when his colleagues joked around like that with him.

You laughed and chatted for a little longer, until all humiliation was forgotten.

“Ya figured what cat I would be?” Hoshina suddenly asked, catching you off guard.

“Hm..let me think. Probably the type that meows really loud for no reason.”

The look Hoshina gave you was priceless. “I meant..the breed.”

What is wrong with me??

Hoshina broke out into another fit of laughter while you were trying your best not to drown in a sea of shame. This was your first time interacting with the Vice Captain in such casual way. Although you have done nothing but humiliate yourself so far, this was rather nice. It was a good distraction from work and definitely worked better than random scribbles.

Bonus:

“Come again?"

“Looking at someone's drawing without their permission is quite rude, so it's only fair..” Your voice became a mere whisper at the end, yet Hoshina still heard everything clearly.

“Only fair, huh?” A long sigh escaped his lips as he cleared his throat.

Is he actually going to..

“Meow.”

You gasped.

The look on the Vice Captains face was picture worthy. To think that he'd actually comply and meow for you, it made your heart jump.

“Vice Captain..” Kafka stood at the door, accompanied by Reno and Shinomiya. They had come by to ask Hoshina something important but were instead met with something horrifying.

“..Did you just..meow?”

“No.”

[hikarry]

"Aziraphale is the intelligent one"

My love, both of them are intelligent even if Crowley plays his smarts in an aloof way

How many IQ points do you think one must have to bullshit his way through dangerous situations as fast as Crowley does? How smart and cold blooded (ahah get it? I think I'm hilarious) does one need to be to come up with high risk yet efficient plans under pressure and unreasonable amounts of stress?

That man's synapses happen at light speed!

Not only does he have to come up with plans in 2 seconds but he also has to play it cool all the while hiding all his anxiety and manic panic!

Crowley is the definition of nerves of steel

He would be your best option to difuse a bomb ready to explode in under 3 minutes, not Aziraphale

Aziraphale is book smart and methodical. He needs time to think and analyze stuff. Crowley thinks clearer and faster under absurd amounts of pressure and he is lightning fast about it without ever tipping his hand

If you have time to solve your problem, go with Aziraphale. You can be sure he will find the best solution there is. If you are under the clock, fuck Aziraphale. Crowley is your best option to come up with a solid plan to save your arse

This is one of the reasons they are such a good team! They complement each other like that

If I ever see another himbo downplaying Crowley's smarts murder will occur

[seivsite]

UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

synopsis: your boyfriend, micha, failed to recognize you while under the influence, and he remained skeptical until you presented him with video evidence.

includes: michael kaiser x fem!reader. he calls you good girl once, drunk kaiser, soft and clingy micha, swear words, suggestive at the end — wc: 1355

You were peacefully going about your evening when a series of messages started flooding your phone—several from Kaiser and a dozen from Ness. With a sigh, you opened your phone and began reading the messages.

Without wasting any time, you hastily slipped on your trusty Crocs and dashed off to the location Ness had sent you, dressed only in a hoodie and flared pants. As you arrived, your eyes scanned the area, searching for your boyfriend amidst the chaos. His hair, a vibrant mix of white roots and blue tips, stood out like a sore thumb. Approaching Ness and Kaiser’s slumped figure, you locked eyes with your beloved, who greeted you with a bizarre statement, “I have the most beautiful and wonderful girlfriend! Go away!”

You glanced over at Ness, who merely shrugged his shoulders, conveying that Kaiser had been acting like this for a while. Brushing off Kaiser’s nonsensical remarks and futile attempts to escape, you took charge and dragged him towards your car. Ness gathered Kaiser’s belongings and neatly stowed them in the back while you ensured that Kaiser was securely buckled up, preventing any potential wobbling out the window or other absurdities.

You expressed gratitude to Ness and embarked on the journey back home. However, Kaiser couldn’t resist voicing his discontent, whining about how his beloved would be disappointed to find him with someone else, completely oblivious to the fact that you were, in fact, his girlfriend.

As you parked the car and approached Kaiser’s side, you cunningly placed your phone by the window, ready to capture his drunken antics for some entertaining mischief.

“Micha,” you began, but he quickly interrupted, his tone filled with protest. “Nooo, only my girlfriend can call me that!” he whimpered, clutching onto you for support since his ability to walk properly had been compromised.

“But I am your girlfriend,” you insisted, determined to break through his inebriated haze.

“No, you’re not!” he countered, clearly in a state of confusion and intoxicated from the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed. Together, you both stumbled into your shared home, ensuring the phone captured every hilarious moment.

Suddenly, your eyes caught sight of the ring he had bought you for your anniversary. Holding it up, you presented it to him. Kaiser examined the ring, then looked back at you, realisation dawning upon him. Immediately, he enveloped you in a tight hug.

“Mein Schatz~ Where were you? I thought you had abandoned me, thinking I wasn’t loved anymore,” he confessed, a few tears welling up in his eyes.

“Gosh, Micha, I didn’t expect you to be such a clingy drunk,” you muttered playfully, as you stopped the recording on your phone. With care, you guided Kaiser towards the bedroom, allowing him to collapse onto the bed. Methodically, you removed his shoes, blazer, and shirt, despite his feeble attempts to convince you to join him and just sleep. Deep down, you knew he’d complain in the morning if he didn’t change. So, you handed him a pair of comfy sweatpants, encouraging him to switch into something more comfortable. He sluggishly complied, finally sitting down on the mattress.

With tenderness, you wiped clean his face and tidied up his soiled clothes. Fetching a warm glass of water and some hangover medicine, you offered it to Kaiser, who grumbled about not needing it for a solid five minutes. However, when you threatened to withhold kisses from him, he reluctantly surrendered and drank the medicine. Finally, he nestled under the covers, succumbing to a deep slumber.

Shaking your head in both affection and amusement, you tidied up any remaining mess before joining Kaiser in bed. As you turned off the lights, you immediately felt his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close. Kaiser found solace against your chest, emitting soft snores as he slept soundly. Gently, you planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered, “Gute Nacht, Liebe.”

As you woke from your slumber, you noticed Kaiser still peacefully sleeping on your chest, his head nestled against your bosom. Feeling a wave of warmth and affection, you decided to grab your phone and post a tweet on twitter.

However, after pressing the post button, Kaiser swiftly snatched the phone from your hand, wearing an annoyed expression.

“Hey, give me back my phone,” you demanded, reaching out to retrieve it. But Kaiser held it out of your reach, a mischievous pout forming on his lips. With his adorable “I want kisses” cat eyes, he requested, “No, give me a kiss first.”

You let out a sigh, realising you wouldn’t get your phone back without complying. Relenting to his playful demands, you planted a small peck on his lips. However, it was clear that he wasn’t satisfied with such a brief display of affection. Before you knew it, he firmly grasped your neck and pulled you into a deeper, more passionate kiss.

Startled by your quick reaction, Kaiser found his mouth covered by your hand as you asked, “Okay, happy now?” Swiftly reclaiming your phone from his grip, you casually walked away, heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Kaiser, still flabbergasted, followed you, almost stumbling along the way but managing to regain his balance.

Desperate for answers, he shouted, “Can’t you at least tell me what happened last night?!” His confusion and frustration were evident in his voice. You busied yourself with the pans and ingredients, getting everything ready to make a delicious breakfast for the two of you.

With a composed demeanour, you began to recount the events of the previous night. “You got drunk, Ness called me because you kept calling out my name. I arrived, and you didn’t recognize me until I showed you my ring,” you explained, your voice filled with a mixture of concern and amusement. Kaiser couldn’t believe his ears, the idea of not recognizing his one and only, precious lover seemed unfathomable. Before he could protest or deny it, you teased him, saying, “If you want to be sure, check the recent video in my gallery~” You continued cutting up the tofu, a mischievous glint in your eye.

Eager to confirm your words, Kaiser swiftly grabbed your phone, effortlessly unlocking it using your anniversary date as the passcode. As he watched the video, he was rendered speechless, unable to comprehend what he had just witnessed. Lost in thought, he hadn’t realised that you had finished preparing breakfast.

“Breakfast’s ready,” you chimed, placing the food on the table. “Oh, and Micha, you might want to check your phone soon.” You hinted with a playful smile, your own appetite clearly satisfied as you began to enjoy the meal.

Kaiser’s phone suddenly dinged, signalling someone was messaging him. You saw how his eyes widened in shock before your phone got its own notifications.

Kaiser’s mischievous gaze met yours, his eyes brimming with a playful intent. With a teasing smile, you wagged your pointer finger from side to side, playfully denying him.

“Ah ah,” you chided, “If you want my attention, you’ll need to—”

But before you could finish your sentence, Kaiser disregarded your playful admonishment. With a swift motion, he took your hand and led you back to your shared bedroom. Pinning your hands gently beside your head, he leaned in closer, his voice filled with a hint of seductive playfulness.

“Well, didn’t you just say you wanted me to fuck you?” he whispered, his eyes glimmering with desire. Before you could respond, he claimed your lips in a passionate kiss, his hand sliding underneath your shirt. A shiver ran through your body as his cold fingers brushed against your waist, drawing you closer to him.

As your arms encircled his neck, you surrendered yourself to the intoxicating passion of the moment. His lips left yours, venturing down to your neck, leaving a trail of tender love bites in their wake. A soft sigh of pleasure escaped your lips, as you revelled in the sensations.

“A bit eager, aren’t we?” Kaiser playfully teased, a hint of mockery lacing his words. “Well, my darling, how about you be a good girl and take whatever I give you, yeah?”

NOTES. the german petnames mean love and darling, mein means my iirc. also he’s shirtless after he wakes up soo (｡- .•). i promised to post this yesterday but uhh i fell asleep woops sorry lol. anyway thanks for reading!

TAG LIST. @rintosei @yanqingisim

LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! ‹3

[valentine-writes]

hii!! i was wondering if you could write headcanons for like the main four spider-kids (miles, gwen, pavitr and hobie) with a reader who like smacks people when they laugh really hard? preferably w/ a reader thats a spider-person but its up to you! :3

aggressive affection!

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, dude used once in a gender neutral way, mentions of bruising and minor injuries (but nothing crazy), spider-person reader, reader forgetting that being a spider-person makes them stronger,,, um. (°ー°〃) oops!!! 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

��� ft. gwen stacy, hobie brown/spider-punk, miles morales, and pavitr prabhakar

author's note: YES I CAN YES I CAN!! this prompt iz so funny AUWWUDH I HOPE I DID IT JUSTICE!!! つ﹏⊂ also super excited 2 get to write more of them becuz AWUDGWAAHWGHWAGUAGH I LOVE THESE CHARACTERZ SMM,,, also excuse me if there's more repetition or typos than usual,,, im eepy ( つ᷄ ‸･ )

GWEN STACY headcanons

▸ the first one to fall victim to your little habit. she doesn't mind in the slightest, mainly because she's generally pretty welcome to friendly touches- even if it is slightly more aggressive than she had expected. frankly, you could've literally bitten her and she probably would've reacted the same.

she's a little awkward about it at first, pausing mid laughter as you deliver playful hits to her shoulder and bicep. she playfully shoves you away at first, like, "haha– what– what are you doing–" but quickly warms up to it

▸ here's the thing though. she 100% will do it back. if you're both joking around and losing it over something, you end up hitting each other through laughter. and it'll INTENSIFY. at some points, everyone's wondering if you two are actually beefing or not ur not. itz the way u show affection 2 one another,,, in the strangest manner

when you're assigned on missions with her, you usually end up chatting– and then you find something hilarious to giggle abt and everything goes off the rails

y'all will return to HQ bruised asf like "nah man the anomaly didn't even touch us."

jessica and miguel DEF pick up the fact y'all goof off and beat each other up before even locating the anomaly HWJEJNDNE

unfortunately– gwen is slowly paired less with you on missions becuz of this. they can't have you distracting one another a girl can never have fun fr </3

nothing that some good behaviour can't fix! just try not to give each other a complete smackdown while on duty and you'll be paired together again in no time! hopefully...

▸ both you and gwen forget that being spider-people involves super strength. and though you're both used to taking a blow or two, it stands plain and obvious that the two of you can get carried away. gwen especially. she's just a little rough sometimes– not like she means to be.

sometimes, the dull ache from the bruises she left leave you wondering if you're both a little too funny for your own good. at least she makes sure to take care of it and hold back,, when she can.

when it's your turn to get carried away, she sees your eyes widen as you splutter a million apologies to her. but every time you deliver one hit too hard, she insists it never hurts much as you think.

"dude, it's okay. you can chill out." gwen reassures. "besides, i'm built tougher than that."

she flashes a grin at you, and it's almost convincing. like she didn't even feel a thing. you know better though– gwen definitely has days where she's more sore than she'd like to be because of you. not like she'd ever admit. she likes the random play fights between the two of you.

though, you will admit that the amount of trips to the infirmary in search of ice packs is getting just the teeniest bit absurd. people are starting to ask questions at HQ-- which is fine. the frozen bag of peas gwen offers to you for your injuries works just as good as any ice pack ...it's been sitting in the bottom of her freezer for God Knows How Long but you don't need to know that

HOBIE BROWN headcanons:

▸ you see how this guy interacts with people???

hobie's used to friendly touches, and initiates physical contact without overthinking it. that little shoulder shake he does w/ miles makes me smile everytime i heart hobie. ALSO AAUWHEHWH LEBRON AND DWAYNE'S HANDSHAKE BEING HOBIE'S AND PAV'S?? I ADORE.

you really think something as little as a few friendly punches and hits bothers hobie "forehead-kissing-the-homies-goodnight" brown??? /lh + /hj but man platonic physical affection hobie. like. hear me on this one.

▸ he's 100% cool with it– actually initiated it before you did. nothing crazy, a light smack on your back or arm as he laughed with

eventually, while joking around with you, realized you had the same habit

you end up hitting each other quite a bit– but he's not as accidentally aggressive as gwen is. laughing with hobie won't get you hospitalized, he's cognizant enough with his strength to know how much to hold back.

▸ then again, there are times where you get carried away. hobie's quick to shake it off, not feeling the effect of the hit until later– if you notice and apologize, he'll just shake his head and shrug

"nah, nah– it's fine." he insists, chuckling a bit as he rubs the spot where you smacked him. "there's been worse."

and yes, objectively, you know that's true– but you both fight villains in your everyday life. of course there's going to be worse than just a hit too hard. he won't accept an ice pack– but will joke that you could just kiss it better instead

that earns a groan from you, smacking him again in the arm for good measure as he snickers

MILES MORALES headcanons:

▸ doesn't hate it!! not against it!!! find it surprising at first. he didn't expect a playful punch to his arm in response to his little joke, but watching as you giggled uncontrollably, hitting him lightly– he decided that he didn't mind too much

he knows you don't mean any harm, so it's cool with him! he's rolling with the punches literally every time you two are losing it

▸ if you land a smack on him that ends up being a little too hard, he'll definitely try to play it off awkwardly, rubbing it and nervously laughing when you ask if he's okay

"oh sh–" you promptly stop, your smile fading as concern floods your face. he winced slightly at your last hit and it was much to obvious to ignore. "you good, miles? i am so sorry–"

"me? yeah, yeah– it's cool!" he replies dismissively, giving you the lightest punch back. miles laughs nervously at your completely unconvinced expression.

"bro. cmon. be real."

"that? hah– nahh. barely felt it." spoilers!!! he felt it

you keep it in mind to dial it back a bit when with miles, because he barely hits back and hates admitting when it actually hurts.

you'll get an occasional "ow–" with a little chuckle, but he refuses to acknowledge that you might be a bit too rough. he jus doesn't wanna hurt feelings man :(

you're his friend who gets a little too carried away sometimes– and that's fine!!! besides, he can't let gwen and hobie have all the fun.

"you holding back on me?" he asks you, noticing your hits have gotten weaker.

"what's it to you?"

"i can handle it. 's fine!! really!" miles says. there's a beat of silence as you stare at him incredulously.

"and you didn't bruise last time?." you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"yeah."

"...say swear."

miles raises his hands, sighing. "ok, look–" HE WANTZ 2 ROUGHHOUSE W/ HIS FRIEND TOO OK (*ﾉε｀*) besides. u and gwen and hobie seem to have so much fun w/ it,,

▸ because of his stubbornness, you oblige, pulling your punches just a little less when having a little laughing fit with him.

as a result, miles develops a habit deflecting your hits while absolutely losing it. gently shoving your hands away as you smack him, both of you doubling over laughter

miles will say sumn he knows you'll find a lil too funny and just,,, *cue continuous hitting and blocking as he predicts literally Every Movement you make* he's literally learned to parry becuz of u HAJWBDKDNEN

PAVITR PRABHAKAR headcanons:

▸ the type to pretend to beat up his friends while making punching noises when he's bored

he's just lightly tapping u with his knuckles going "pow– pow pow– bam–" under his breath HANWJENDN IM SORRY I FIND THIS FUNNY. i also. do this. (｡･･｡).

and ur like "...uh. ok."

he's def not opposed to it!! when he has the energy, he's all for it!!! pavitr's playfully hitting, shoving you away, gasping for air as the two of you giggle over something that's only really funny to the two of you.

he's pretty energetic most of the time, and it manifests as you "brawl" with each other as you laugh over some stupid joke.

▸ when you hit him a little too hard, most of the time, he doesn't even notice until the aftermath manifests as a bruise or two on his arms– but even then he doesn't care.

however,,, there are occasions where he initiates it, laughing and smacking you– and when you're laughing with him, raising your hand to hit back, he'll gasp dramatically, recoil instantly and get all dramatic about it i'm projecting all the things i do onto pav i bet u cant tell /sarc

pav the minute you decide to try and get him back– bar for bar, word for word:

he's just a little guy,, a little guyy,,, nooo,,, itz also his birthday,, he's a little birthday boy– HWJWBDN SORRY THIS IS SO UNSERIOUS

this is a bit that he drags on FOREVERRR like itz the funniest thing in the world

▸ ALL of his hits are a little too hard. he does the fake beat up thing a lot but when you two are roughhousing, you're the one reminding him to chill out through stifled laughs

he'll immediately soften the blows quickly at your request, knowing it's probably best for you to remain as uninjured as possible when not doing mission. can't have your shit rocked before you even face a villain!!! his hits end up somewhere between hobie's and gwen's– an almost perfect middle (*´꒳`*)

almost.

occasionally, he'll literally just... take the hits. not like miles where he's deflecting. he's jus standing there laughing while you smack him. which is a concerning sight for anyone who isn't used to your antics!!!

this happened in hq once and peter b, who happened to be walking by, lowkey thought you were straight up attacking pav

upon hearing the two of you giggling though, he figured that he wasn't witnessing an act of violence and didn't have to step in

[oddeyes588]

gOD I'm eating so well today... we're finally getting some good characterization for Ruri and Rin... hell, it's incredible that we're getting some characterization for them AT ALL. I'm gonna ramble about it.

Ruri. Oh Ruri... it's genuinely so funny seeing her complete contrast with Yuto and Shun, who have all the dark and broodiness that comes with being characters who've been sharpened by the harsh edges of war. Yuto is in a bit of a middle-ground compared to Shun, but Ruri sits on the complete opposite end of the spectrum to her brother.

She's very chill and sweet, in stark contrast to Shun's tendency for rage and violence. Hell, she's the only one of the Xyz Trio who ISN'T glaring constant daggers at Dennis. She's sympathetic, and this goes in line with what we already knew about her. Having received the same teachings from Yusho as Yuya, she's pacifistic and hates the violent dueling that destroyed her home, as it's not what dueling is meant to be.

While Yuto and Shun get understandably hardened in order to do what is necessary to survive, Ruri doesn't want to lose what she loved about her home, and as such tries to maintain it. It's not like she let everything that happened slide off her back, she still has fear for Academia, but she's readily sympathetic, and it's honestly very sweet to see. While Yuto and Shun are still trying to adjust into the process of healing, Ruri is ready to dive in headfirst, because that's exactly what she was waiting for the whole time.

Basically, for having seen the Horrors of War, Ruri is handling herself remarkably well.

And at last... Rin. Rin is hilarious in a few ways, but to start with a more serious note...

It truly does speak to how good of a place Heartland was versus how shit of a place the City was from the get-go, because out of the two, Rin is somehow the more traumatized one? Not that anyone can blame her, since she grew up in a Capitalist Dystopia where you can be arrested and sent to a "correctional facility" indefinitely for the crime of, uh, trespassing on the property of the rich. Oh, and at the age of 14, too! Rin is often scared and fully ready to choose violence over it. Honestly, the idea that Rin's automatic reaction to somebody lunging out at her is to drive her knee into their stomach makes way too much sense... and it really speaks as to how little brain cells Yugo has that he doesn't learn his lesson, and keeps trying to hug her out of nowhere.

But with that said... god I love Rin, actually. Despite Yugo's inability to learn why you don't suddenly glomp somebody, she's got exactly the amount of "he's an idiot, but he's MY idiot" energy that we expected... by which I mean she has an ABSURD amount of that energy. She cares about Yugo just as much as he cares about her, though she shows it via the very hilarious method of affectionately dragging him at every opportunity.

And it's actually so great. I love her. Anyways! It's also neat to see how her overall focus is actually on a much smaller scale compared to everyone else. Yuzu has—or rather, had—obviously she asks about her home, asks how the Synchro Dimension is doing... and she's happy to hear that it's finally on the right track. But while the other three girls are somewhat vested in the fate of the universe(s), the state of their home, etc... Rin seems to focus a lot harder on the fact that she missed the Friendship Cup on account of being kidnapped at the time.

And while yes, there's a hint of tragedy to that considering that the losers of that particular tournament are all sent to an underground work facility to be worked until they die...

...her being lowkey SUPER competitive is a delight.

[daizedndconfused]

What gifts would you give the ninjago characters? Hope ur having a happy holiday

aww thank you!! i had so much fun haha but let’s get into this

gifts id give the ninja

kai

to be funny id give him like an absurd amount of hair gel with his name and face on it i think it’d be hilarious

as a genuine gift i’d get him fireworks. THIS MAY SEEM ODD BUT HEAR ME OUT. he’s hot headed we all know that and i feel like he’d have so much fun going into the middle of nowhere and lighting a bunch of fireworks

i’d ALSO get him tickets to a rage room. personally i’ve never been to one but k really want to and i think kai would THRIVE. he gets to whack the shit out of things for funsies and LEGALLY!! what could be better??

cole

id get him a record player and some old records to go with it

i’d also get him a new guitar because (again if you read my fics yk how i feel about this) he’s probably been wanting a new one for so long but doesn’t actually ask for one cause they’re expensive (DONT CARE ILL BUY IT!!)

i would get him lego lily flowers because…yk that was his moms name and they’ll never die cause they’re legos

jay

a new video fr or like a gift card for game stores cause he needs to play something new im begging

i’d also get him legos but like i’d get him a really big one that’s at least 1000 pieces cause he goes through that shit sooo fast

anddd id get him a lightsaber because ik he’d have fun with it

zane

to be funny (again cause i’m hilarious) id get him a snow cone maker

as a genuine gift i’d get him a STACK of beautifully bonded classic literature along with some cute sweater cause they’d look good on him ik it

lastly i’m getting him a heated blanket… he’s gotta be tired of being cold all the time just be cozy pleaseeee

lloyd

i’m giving him an entire comic book series (or at least a good chunk cause there’s so many in one series

i’d also give him a cute framed picture of when he was a kid because my poor boy did NOT get enough of a childhood

on that similar note i’d give him things he used to like as a kid like action figures cause he defo collects them

nya

my girl nya gets an old motorcycle that i found for cheap that she can take a part and make better. ik she’ll add whatever the hell she wants to it and make it an absolute MACHINE

i’d also get her a leather jacket with like a little lightning bolt on one sleeve and a drop of water on the other she loves jay after all

again to be funny id get her a do not disturb thing to put on her door cause she needs rest sometimes and ALSO one of those little mini punching bags cause home girl also has some anger issues