#it's a hilarious amount of absurd

[tumblasha]

bad news and being strong for a community (cw: cancer)

so today (as of an hour ago?) we got bad news from one of the vlog/brothers (slashes bc this is a journal post and i don't want this to be searchable by the fandom, which is basically this whole site), and it makes me really sad to hear about the hard time that H is going to go through

cancer has a way of really fucking everything up. it got my old high school french teacher, it hurt my young cousin a lot, and it just keeps going. H's cancer is one that has a really well-known treatment, and i'm glad that he's able to get some of the best treatment in the world alongside his friends (who i assume are great at supporting him)

i can't imagine what it's like to put on a strong (calm?) face for a multi-million person community (everyone who spends more than a minute in the kitchen knows how i feel about everything :skull:). the education sector and youtube have this assumption that the feelings of the teachers / performers matter less than the feelings of the students / audience, but H is smart, so i'm 99% sure he healthily processes his emotions off-screen

one of H's requests from the multi-million person community is to send him media to consume that is Very (emotionally) Light. think emily in paris or ... idk?? i've realized all my media tends to have more than a touch of sad, oops. maybe i need to start consuming lighter media? pls gimme recs <3

tl; dr: big emotions are hard. pls gimme emotionally light media to consume (om nom)

[dragonsbluee]

I'm trying to count how many times Hiccup is captured/kidnapped throughout both series, the movies and the short films, so here's my criteria:

Any time he is unwillingly moved from one location to another by a dragon, viking or other character.

This includes any dragons picking him up and flying off somewhere, even if he is okay with it later.

This does not include when Toothless/his friends drag him off to show him something.

Any situation that prompted the dragon riders to rescue him.

Any plans that involved him giving himself up or joining up with a villain/antagonist.

This does not include the time he and Dagur were trapped on that island together.

Any time he is tied up and led somewhere or locked up/held in place with a guard.

Here is the list of situations I have compiled in (hopefully) chronological order:

HTTYD

Congratulations, no captures or kidnappings.

GIFT OF THE NIGHT FURY

When Meatlug (accidentally) brings Hiccup along to the Rookery.

RIDERS OF BERK

S1E6 - Hiccup gets taken to Dragon Island.

S1E16 - Hiccup is captured by the Outcasts on their island.

S1E19 - Alvin Captures Hiccup and Toothless at the "Isle of Night".

DEFENDERS OF BERK

S1E20 - Hiccup gives himself up to Dagur as part of his plan with Alvin.

RACE TO THE EDGE

S1E1 - the Dragon Riders get captured by Daugr on a hunter ship.

S1E7 -The twins put him in prison (this one's just here because I think it's funny).

S2E6 - The Dragon Hunters capture him.

S2E11 - The Dragon Riders get captured trying to save the Skrill.

S3E1 - Hiccup is captured by Dragon Hunters while trapped on an island with Dagur.

S3E8 - Hiccup and Toothless get caught in a Dragon Hunter Trap and are kidnapped and forced to participate in dragon fights.

S3E12 - Viggo captures all the Dragon Riders at the auction.

S3E13 - The Defenders of the Wing capture the Dragon Riders.

S4E3 - First Hiccup is caught by Amos and Berthel.

S4E3 - Then he's caught by Savage.

S4E3 - Then Krogan gets him after Throk saves him.

S4E3 - Ryker captures him for the tiniest bit right before the riders arrive.

S4E10 - Hiccup is caught with Ruffnut when he tries to rescue her from Viggo's trap. Unlike the other traps, he needs the other dragon riders to rescue them.

S5E2 - The Sandbuster captures Hiccup and Snotlout.

S6E8 - Viggo hands Hiccup over to Krogan as part of their plan.

HTTYD 2

Valka kidnaps Hiccup and Toothless.

HTTYD 3

Grimmel captures the dragon riders.

HOMECOMING

Once again, no captures of kidnappings

Up For Debate:

There are a few situations which technically fit the criteria, but I'm not sure if they fit considering the context of the show:

S5E5 - the riders are stuck on Vanaheim, guarded by the Sentinels. (Rtte)

S1E3 - This is a technicality, but when Hiccup joins up with Dagur to keep him away from the other dragons. (Dob)

EDIT: I forgot that even though my criteria says that the time Dagur and Hiccup are trapped on that island together (S3E1 of RTTE) doesn't count, because he is joining up with an (at the time) antagonist, there is a moment when Hiccup is captured by Dragon Hunters near the end of the episode.

After careful discussion (aka me ranting at my roommate) S4E10 of RTTE is also moving from "up for debate" to the official list. These changes are reflected above.

This brings our official count to 22 captures/kidnappings!

Honestly, the hardest part about this was finding the distinction between being captured or being trapped and what I wanted to count. When Hiccup isn't captured, he spends a lot of time in traps.

[anime-scarves]

Ok. So. Cocaine Bear was actually hilarious. I hadn't seen any of the promotional material and just knew that I needed to see a movie about the time a bear ate a bunch of cocaine. By all accounts this was actually a good thing because apparently the trailers and ads really hype it up as this amazing movie that's gonna be better than everything. And it's just not. And that's ok.

What it is, is a hilarious comedy slasher where the slasher is a bear zonked out of its mind on cocaine. A lot of the comedy was genuinely funny and they knew exactly what they wanted the movie to be. It's not going to win awards, but it's going to make you laugh a lot and have a good time.

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! Weird question time, this time about hives. I have to get into some detail in my description of the hives, so it's going below a read more

So I used to get hives all the time. Like, a few every now and then through winter, gearing up to get bad mid-April, and then late June/early July they'd tip over into anaphylaxis, I'd go to urgent care for steroids, and then I'd a month or two of no hives before going into the slowly ramping up low level hives mode again until the next year. I'm pretty sure I have MCAS, I have like all the symptoms of severe allergies and have even been able to pin them down to specific foods but test negative for all IgE allergy testing (besides dust and cockroaches). Since I've been on higher-than-normal doses of daily antihistamines, I almost never get hives anymore My question: do I have the definition of hives right? Are these how hives go for you? My hives were: - raised, red/pink, and noticeably hotter to the touch than surrounding skin - most were about quarter sized, the smallest maybe the size of a pencil eraser, the biggest the size of a handprint - they had clearly visible edges - the ones on my fingers and toes were sometimes severe enough that the swelling of the hive prevented me from bending the joint - extremely itchy - each individual hive lasted about 24 hours, but I had a constant rotating cast of hives - larger hives turned into yellow bruises when the hive went down - they almost always formed on joints first and only spread to non-joints if I was having a bad flareup (hips and wrists first, then backs of knees, fingers, toes, elbows, and ankles, then eyes and ears, then everywhere else, but almost never my chest, back, or stomach) My endocrinologist seems convinced the joints-first hive pattern is indicative of an autoimmune issue, but I have zero issues with my joints* and test negative for RA like three different ways *well. I have mild scoliosis (maybe) and almost definitely dislocated a rib at least once, but those are not really autoimmune related? I also sometimes have joint pain but only when my muscles are so tight they are hauling on my bones and like...that's not the joint's fault pretty much every doc I've seen is just like "yeah you do electrolytes wrong muscles don't like that :/"

[angelstrawbabie420]

dyslexia is wild bro you literally will see things that are simply not there and words change at a glance it’s so disorienting

[sonknuxadow]

i hate being overly negative about a new sonic project because. while im not against criticizing them and will criticize them when i see fit. i still try to find the positives in everything sonic even the games that are widely labelled as irredeemable garbage. because i love sonic and i hate it when sonic is the punching bag of the internet and i do genuinely believe that every piece of sonic media has at least some good qualities but like. the knuckles series really isnt very good im sorry people are right about this one . and i say this as someone who likes the sonic movies and thought knuckles was awesome in sonic 2 . where did we go wrong as a society

[crow-ooc]

this reboot made me realise how much of a boyfailure corr is when he's not saying the exact same one word all the time

[fakakta-art]

I'm a simple person, I see a hilarious tumblr post and I spend a frankly absurd amount of time drawing it.

[redflagshipwriter]

Fast Car Chapter Two (of four)

masterpost

Was this guy for real? Jason nearly decided not to get in out of suspicion. Danny was one of the very few loose ends in his crime yesterday. He sort of figured that eventually Batman would find the driver he’d used to get a duffle bag of heads to the police station. He stalled. It had seemed like an acceptable risk, since he hadn’t shown the guy his face. The only information that the police should have been able to get was where he’d left and that he’d used one of his victim’s phones to call for a ride.

And yet Danny was waiting patiently at the curb for the Red Hood to get in. Wasn’t he scared?

He had been all over the news yesterday. Danny had to know.

‘Either he’s dumb as a box or he is one of the chillest people I’ve ever even heard of.’

Morbid curiosity got him into the car. Danny locked the door as soon as the door was shut– but it was clearly routine. He’d done that yesterday, right. Jason waited a moment before he remembered that Danny wasn’t going to pull out until he had his seatbelt on. He let out a laugh and buckled up. It was pretty cute, actually.

Now that he wasn’t so distracted, maybe he could make small talk. Danny pulled them out into the sparse early morning traffic with an expression of determined focus.

Jason cleared his throat. “You moved to Gotham recently?” he started with. Danny didn’t have the local speaking pattern.

Danny nodded. “For school,” he shared easily. “I’m in the sciences program at Gotham U’s south campus.”

…So he wasn’t the world’s biggest dummy. Jason sat there and contemplated how catastrophically chill a body would have to be to chit chat with a man who had killed like 20 people yesterday that he knew of. Why wasn’t Danny scared? What was his damage? 

‘There’s something really wrong with him,’ Jason thought, with no small bit of admiration. Way too late he commented, “That’s cool, man.”

“Thanks.” Danny seemed unbothered by his long delay in conversation. “You know, I had to go to that same police station this morning.”

Jason tensed. Was Danny making some kind of threat?

“They got a whole shitton of muffins and six quiches delivered,” Danny went on. He appeared to feel no sense of danger in the car.

‘Is he… Did he decide to inform on the police to me?’ Jason’s eye twitched. ‘I already knew that I’d have ruined their whole month but… This is kinda satisfying to hear, actually.’ He made a listening sound to prompt Danny to continue. He couldn't lie; he was intrigued.

“Yeah, they looked like total shit.” Danny was so blithe about it that it became surreal and hilarious. “Exhausted. But that’s not my business.” He crinkled up his nose. “Do you know what they tipped me for that?” He didn’t wait for Jason to go on. “Two dollars.” He made a big gesture with his left hand that took it off the steering wheel despite the fact they were mid turn. “That’s ridiculous! I drove halfway across town, waited for the place to open, carried an absurd amount up those stairs, and for two dollars.” He blew a disrespectful raspberry.

“Fuck the police,” Jason said sympathetically. 

Aight. He saw how it was. He mentally tabulated what was in his wallet and allocated a cool thirty dollars to Danny as a tip. For an informant, that was as cheap as bagged rice. Helluva value. He leaned back in the seat and it squeaked under his weight. “How’s Gotham been treating you?”

“Fine, fine,” Danny said absently. He switched lanes a little too abruptly. “Not that different from home, honestly. I don’t know why people are so dramatic about it.” He floored it to squeak through a yellow light.

Jason had the dawning suspicion that Danny had been on his best driving behavior yesterday. But- “Where is home?” It was more morbid curiosity. He kind of regretted that he was nearly to his stop. 

“Amity Park. Illinois.”

Jason winced. “My condolences.”

Danny laughed, high and sort of eerie now that Jason was really listening to it. It sent an  electric zing up his spine. “That’s what they always say.” He seemed to find it really funny. Way funnier than it should have been.

‘...What are the odds that this guy is one of the weird mutants they make in Amity?’ Jason resisted the urge to ask prying questions. Talia had told him to stay the fuck out of that area so that she didn’t have to rescue him from a government black site. It wasn’t his business and he didn’t have the luxury of the time to go and investigate every cute boy with a nice laugh who wanted to be an informant to the Red Hood.

It was with extreme regret that Jason recognized his stop coming up. He let out a sigh. The voice scramblers in his hood turned it to static. He watched the curb approach with disappointment. Danny made to pull in next to a dark shop. Jason glanced into the windows and caught the reflection of the last person he wanted to see. 

“Batmobile.” He sat up straight, alarmed. It was parked out of sight in an alley. Shit. Shit, of course Batman had tracked back the delivery driver that had brought him to the police building. Fuck. How was he going to get away on foot-

Danny jerked back into the street and hit the pedal to the floor. The engine made a scream of machine fear but holy hell did it accelerate. Jason yelled too and grabbed onto the door handle. He aimed wide eyes at Danny, uncomprehending. 

“Fuck Batman!” Danny yelled out his open window, and they were off.

Holy shit. Holy shit!

The batmobile turned on, the normally silent engine’s purr rearing up to a threatening growl as Bruce veered out onto the street in pursuit.

Danny took them down an alley and Jason sharply readjusted his assessment of Danny’s intelligence. “We can’t fit!” He yelled, trying to pull the brake. If they had to stop in the alley it was all over, Batman would block them off.

Danny slapped his hand away and barreled-

Jason blinked as they raced down the impossibly narrow alleyway. He bit his lip. He looked at the car again, recalculating.

No. No, it definitely didn’t fit. He leaned a little away from the window, extremely uncomfortable. He looked at just the right time to see the passenger mirror collide with a dumpster and slide through undeterred.

Ah. Alright, then. He made a “Fair enough” face and turned around to see that the batmobile was lifting up and doing some weird transformers bullshit to fit down the alleyway. They were gaining ground from Batman. “Sorry I tried to touch the controls,” Jason said, a bit late. He glanced down and realized that his hand stung where Danny had slapped it. He pulled it to his chest and rubbed at it, frowning slightly.

“No worries,” Danny said tersely. He hit the breaks and raked the wheel car to make a fucking pinpoint turn without slowing. Just like that, they were out of Batman’s direct line of sight. A solid inch of the inside of the car overlapped with a folding chair outside someone’s home.

Jason eyed Danny judgmentally.

“Wow, that was a close fit,” Danny said, extremely unconvincing. “We are lucky, huh.” He aimed the car at a wall and somehow ramped up. 

‘I think I might be sick.’

Jason decided that the best thing for him to do right now was to close his eyes and say nothing at all. If Danny wanted plausible deniability for his mutant powers, that was whatever. 

‘How did Batman know where I was going?’ He worked through the problem. ‘Did he hack Danny’s account? If not, someone sold me out.’

Just like that, Jason had a list of people to visit for the day. “D’you think you could drop me off at C street instead?” He felt the uncomfortable swooping sensation in his stomach that indicated they’d made some kind of move that should not exist off of a rollercoaster.

“Yeah, of course, sorry about this.” Danny sounded a little breathless. “Ah- don’t look.” He cackled.

…’He’s dodging Batman for his benefit, not mine,’ the penny dropped. Jason laughed out loud and then leaned forward to hold his head in his hands. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Danny was the perfect man. They drove for a while in silence before Jason managed to collect himself. “No worries,” he said through tears. “Hey, no sweat if it’s no, but can I get your number?”

Danny paused.

Oh, fuck. Jason cringed. “I'll leave mine and you can call me if you ever need me,” he corrected hastily. “No pressure.” He scribbled it on the back of a loose receipt in Danny's cupholder and left it, mortified but also glad he shot his shot.

[homunculus-argument]

I get that the fetishization of trans women is a serious issue that actively hurts and endangers trans women as much as transphobia in general does, but the amount of lesbians online who shut down batshit transmisogynist fearmongering by being unapologetically horny about it is hilarious. Like you see some TERF take like "these dangerous monsters are going to [absurd and graphic description of some sexual activity that's clearly supposed to be the most horrible and scary thing this person can think of] to lesbians", and there's like five lesbians immediately in the comments going

"Ooh, where? Where are they? Can you like, draw a map of where they are? Is it like a community service charity kind of thing, or am I allowed to tip them?"

What a way to efficiently draw clear that not only do these absurd fearmongering fabrications have no touch to reality, they would still be fucking absurd to be afraid of if they did. No way to shut down smug "I bet you didn't even consider that this Super Scary Scenario that I just made up in my head is going to happen!" than by going "oh wow, I sure didn't. But now that you mentioned it, I sure am going to daydream about that for the rest of the afternoon."

[essektheylyss]

idk I kind of feel like I'm an idiot bc I actually enjoyed cr 3 from the jump to the end but like the blogs who follow bc I feel they are definitely more articulate and insightful than me are like "the whole thing was meaningless and pointless! matt fumbled everything!" so maybe I'm wrong to have liked it all? I'm not really sure where I'm going with this sorry

I think one thing to keep in mind is that many (and in fact, I would argue, most!) people who are critiquing the story and construction have also generally enjoyed the campaign as a whole! Certainly I don't know anyone who stuck it out through the end who did not overall enjoy watching it, for various reasons; I know there are people who hate watch, which I think is an absurd and honestly really stupid waste of time, but from my experience they are normally making snide and vicious tweet-length posts rather than long considerations of what isn't working for them.

There are also a lot of levels of critique—I've greatly enjoyed a lot of moments in isolation that I simultaneously felt weakened, contradicted, or even actively undermined the structure of the story as a whole, but those moments were still really fun and interesting beats. The Arch Heart's cameo comes to mind, as does, in hindsight, some of the construction of the post-Solstice split, but there are plenty of others of higher or lower impact on the story. In the finale the Raise Dead falls into this place very strongly, so I'm going to talk about it at length for a moment, since it was an absolutely stellar moment for me personally and as such I do think it serves as very illustrative of an example where I simultaneously fucking love a moment while finding it worth significant critique. I think it also touches on the critiques you're referring to, which I would summarize overall as the idea that many of the outcomes feel influenced negatively by pulled punches on the part of the DM rather than a flaw of one player or another. (Also, I want to talk about it cuz I love it. :3) This got very long but I think that to your point, it is worth examining in this amount of depth.

First, the good: it is an absolutely phenomenal culminating point of an arc that was only really concluded in summary; I have, as noted earlier this week, written at length about how Essek is never situated as a protagonist, which is functionally fine and even good. He ends up tied very strongly to Caleb's arc, and moves in the narrative in such a way after 2x97 that allows Caleb to reach a concluding note, and strengthens that narrative. So we only really hear about the outcome of Essek's choices, his inevitable leave from the Dynasty, in the summarization of the campaign 2 epilogue. This is not inherently a problem, because he is not a protagonist. But this moment does functionally create a material representation of that denouement, and in particular the tension between the outcomes of his poor choices and the better—potentially even good!—person he is trying to be as a result of the Nein's influence, which does strengthen his arc in its own right.

This moment also, hilariously, bears out my argument from this post. That the resurrection should only work with this intervention, particularly while the Nein are involved, does follow through on the Nein's general positioning within Exandria. Essek's leave happening without a fight (and, frankly, with only one attempted Counterspell) both makes for a very well-paced moment and also maintains the overall sense of story that the Nein impart when they are on screen; I'm thinking again of how their Ruidus episodes feel, much like their campaign and their post-campaign one-shots, like an intrigue action thriller series, and this fits well in that framing.

So overall, it is a fantastic moment... for the Nein. The Nein are not the protagonists of this story. They exist in the world, and are such active agents that they do continue to develop and exert motion on the narrative into this campaign, and frankly, I think this would have been fine if the party given ownership of this story and campaign did not abdicate their responsibility for it with unfortunate frequency. They do not exert a strong control over their story, which is at odds with the fact that the Nein do, and are present and also involved by the nature of their ending. It completely overshadows Ashton's heroic moment, in that the culminating action beat of this sequence is Essek getting away, which kind of takes the wind out of the sails of the Hells' involvement in the gods' outcome. It doesn't negate it, certainly, but it does refocus the story from them to, for some reason, Essek. So in this sense, it occurs at the expense of the Hells.

I find that while the handwaving of using dunamantic intervention to push Raise Dead beyond its limits (if indeed the reason it didn't originally work was because Ashton's brain was essentially gone) fits fine and even well within the framework of the Nein's story, and an NPC being able to do so without a roll is fine, since NPCs are vehicles the DM uses to guide the story, this is a significant divergence from the overall mechanics of the world at large; even the Nein had to do a full ritual for the resurrection of their tiefling. Matt put those mechanics in place specifically to create narrative meaning behind resurrections, which can feel very unmotivated and like a get out of jail free card in D&D, and while it's been noted that this would've really strained the runtime beyond its existing length, prioritizing it at the cost of, for instance, more truncated end notes for the Nein and Vox would've bolstered the Hells' presence in an ending to their own story that even many of their fans felt was ultimately lacking.

Giving the resurrection full weight would've also given Ashton's sacrifice and the Hells' involvement more narrative weight; the reason the other parties are involved at all is because the Hells were truly running on fumes by that point, but any lack of involvement this created could've been alleviated by having them directly involved through pre-established ritual elements that are not contingent on them having any mechanical offerings. So this moment sits within the context of critique that I agree with: that it felt like a pulled punch that ultimately also served to decenter the Hells within their own narrative, when it could've been used with more deliberate narrative force.

At the same time, I fucking love it, and watched it four times in a row yesterday, because it is so good—and it is, as I described, narratively and thematically coherent in one sense! And I think that is one issue of the campaign: many, many great moments are excellent and coherent in a certain framework but are weaker to varying degrees when considered as one piece of a larger whole. There are so many frameworks at play in this narrative, and not enough direct intervention to manage those as frameworks rather than as a single story, but at the same time, I think those frameworks are far more apparent if you're really looking for them, and that's much more difficult, if not impossible, when you're in the midst of them and telling the story.

I also don't think this means one cannot critique this; in fact, I would say this is more an issue of being a serialized narrative than an improvised one, which is often how critique of it has been pushed back against within the fandom. I was thinking about this as I'm currently in a course on, quite literally, how to critique comics, and we discussed this week how Marjane Satrapi said in an interview after making the film adaptation of Persepolis, which was first a serialized comic, that she ended up preferring the film, and I speculated that was because with a film, one has the ability to make a more cohesive narrative purely by virtue of the fact that with a serialized form, you cannot go back and make retroactive edits when new developments come to light. This is something that long-running comics must constantly navigate (as do many long TV shows), and in extreme circumstances such as decades-old comic franchises, ends up resulting in infinite timelines and hand-waving, which becomes so ridiculous that at this point it's a meme. In that scenario, though, it is not presented as a non-contradictory story, let alone a cohesive one.

Many of the critiques of campaign 3 are operating within the idea that this is presented as one overarching narrative. (And honestly, comics and other narratives that don't utilize that presentation are also still critiqued on that merit by people who greatly enjoy the texts they're critiquing anyway.) Within that context, I feel that the framing of the Raise Dead, as well as much of what would be my critique of the other pieces I referenced (the Arch Heart's cameo and some of the party-split sections) if I was to do the same kind of rundown of those, actively undermine this presentation by introducing and forefronting too many conflicting frameworks that are not interwoven well enough to create a single, cohesive overarching narrative.

This is a very long-winded way to illustrate my point, which is that I would really encourage reading critique not as a lack of enjoyment of the campaign, let alone a suggestion that no one should've enjoyed it (and if you did, then you're not smart enough to know better), but as a way to engage with the text(s) as presented within one framework or another. I think this is sometimes obscured in online fandom spaces, where we're not engaging in critique in as formal of a sense as one would in, say, an academic setting, where the norms generally dictate the framework one is using is explicitly stated if not fully delineated within the critique, but it is, more often than not, still implicitly present within the critique.

And as a final note, I would also really urge everyone reading others' opinions on something they enjoy to resist the urge to elide their own opinions from the conversation, even if you don't feel as articulate or as well-versed in critique. Critique is a trained skill, so it is certainly something one can pick up if they are inclined, and at the same time, someone doing it does not mean they are inherently right—and in fact, with all argumentative writing, it is up to the reader to consider the argument and decide whether or not they agree with it. (You can decide that you disagree with me about the Raise Dead! Just because I wrote a thousand words on it does not inherently make my interpretation truth; it's just an interpretation. You get to say whether or not you think my interpretation makes sense based on the evidence presented.) Even here I'm using the framework of some critique that others have made, but I don't delineate in full myself. In doing do I'm not presuming that you agree, but I am presuming that you've read it and know what I'm referring to. Strictly speaking it's also not even saying that I take that critique as true; it's saying that I feel the conclusions drawn are applicable as a basis for my argument. If you wanted, you could even say that you feel that my argument is irrelevant to you because you don't feel those critiques are true! But you ultimately do have to be the one to decide any of that, which does involve a balance between a confidence in the formation of your own opinions on the text and an openness to entertaining others'.

[yoredoesmore]

Is it cool if I request Hoshina Soshiro x Fem reader but Hoshina saw the reader drawing him on her sketch book a place can be anywhere.

Ok bye!

a/n: what a cute little request! Thank you so much for submitting something ^^

pairing: Hoshina x fem!Reader

summary: reader draws her vice captain as a cat (=^･ｪ･^=)

genre: fluff/romance/comedy [wc: 1.1k ]

enjoy!

Vice Catnip Hoshina | Hoshina Soshiro

It was one of those days again, where peace and quiet consumed Tachikawa Base. Most of today's schedule consisted of training sessions and important battle discussions– two activities that did not demand your presence as Operations Sub Leader. Your workload consisted of finding new information on the Kaiju and Improving the suit's functions.

Therefore you sat in the cramped space of your office, mind trapped in a cloud of concentration. You normally felt nothing but joy when pursuing your job. Every little achievement, be it fixing a small issue or handing in a report, made the pride in your heart grow. But today that energy had left you.

You felt little to no joy nor motivation, the mere thought of picking up the next file caused you immense stress. All you wished for was to lie down on your bed and enjoy the beautiful spring weather. But your next break was hours away and the way things were looking right now, with the huge pile of papers that sat in front of you, you wouldn't be out of her before midnight.

“Ugh..if only I wasn't alone.” You sighed, hands reaching for your mechanical pencil. While thinking about what piece of work to tackle next, you dragged your pencil over a ripped piece of paper, scribbling whatever came to mind. You found out that this was quite therapeutic and helped you blow off some steam sometimes.

As you looked down to see what you created, you were met with an abstract doodle of a cat.

You smiled.

The cat was holding a fish in her hand and her mouth sat wide open to devour it. Your eyes moved across the drawn lines, with nothing in mind at first, until you realized that its teeth looked awfully familiar. Two sharp fangs, where have you seen those before..?

Almost immediately an image popped into your head, the very face of your beloved Vice Captain. It was quite absurd, comparing Hoshina to a cat, yet the more you thought about it the more the resemblance struck you– until you were fully convinced that the Vice Captain looked just like a cat.

In any normal situation you would have allowed yourself a quick laugh and move on with your duties but for some reason imagining Hoshina as a cat was quite hilarious, thus you entertained yourself further with the thought.

“The Vice Captain as a cat..what would he look like exactly?” Your hands reached for your pencil case where they pulled out an eraser. Now fully equipped you felt ready to bring your imagination to life. You scribbled and drew and erased, trying to create a perfect reflection of your mind. Twenty minutes went by without you realizing, this new activity having you in quite a hold. You were so deep in thought that you didn't even hear the door opening.

As you drew the final line a hum of satisfaction escaped your lips. Your gaze admired the art you had put on your notebook, pride shining in your eyes.

“Is that supposed to be me?”

You froze.

The pencil you were holding on so tightly only seconds ago fell out of your hands, connecting with the cold floor and the blood in your body turned to ice as you finally perceived the new presence behind you. Slowly turning your body around, you were met with the curious face of your Vice Captain.

“No.” Was the only response you found yourself being able to come up with.

“But it says Vice Catnip at the bottom, slightly inappropriate if I might add but I'll let it slide because it's a good drawing.”

Ten minutes ago you were giggling and laughing at the slightly inappropriate pun you came up with. You spend a good amount of time thinking of cat related words that would either match Vice or Captain– Vice Cat-tain would have almost made it on the paper but the pronunciation felt off.

If only you would have gone with that one.

You sat there in silence, neither of you saying anything. Hoshina patiently waited for you to explain yourself but the only thing you wished to do was take the paper and rip it into thousand little pieces.

“It's you..” You finally managed to admit. You mentally prepared yourself to get the scolding of your life. Hoshina was not the type of guy who took any type of mockery lightly but instead of teasing words, you were graced with a heartfelt laugh. The man reached his hand out to grab the paper and give it a more thorough examination.

“Please don't look at it!” Your protest fell on deaf ears as the Vice Captain dragged his eyes over every line, carefully analyzing your art work. You were no match for him either. Desperately you tried to snatch the paper out of his grip but every time you lifted your hands, Hoshina pulled away at the last second. After two minutes you simply gave up and accepted your fate.

“I'm not mad if that's what ya thinkin.” He suddenly said, returning the art piece.

“You are not..?” Your hands reached out to receive it.

“It's quite cute. Me as a cat, never imagine that.” His little laugh slightly eased the tension in the air, allowing you to relax. Placing the drawing down, you started to explain to the Vice Captain how you ended up in this situation, so that he wouldn't get the wrong idea. To your surprise, he showed quite a lot of consideration and even admitted that he liked it when his colleagues joked around like that with him.

You laughed and chatted for a little longer, until all humiliation was forgotten.

“Ya figured what cat I would be?” Hoshina suddenly asked, catching you off guard.

“Hm..let me think. Probably the type that meows really loud for no reason.”

The look Hoshina gave you was priceless. “I meant..the breed.”

What is wrong with me??

Hoshina broke out into another fit of laughter while you were trying your best not to drown in a sea of shame. This was your first time interacting with the Vice Captain in such casual way. Although you have done nothing but humiliate yourself so far, this was rather nice. It was a good distraction from work and definitely worked better than random scribbles.

Bonus:

“Come again?"

“Looking at someone's drawing without their permission is quite rude, so it's only fair..” Your voice became a mere whisper at the end, yet Hoshina still heard everything clearly.

“Only fair, huh?” A long sigh escaped his lips as he cleared his throat.

Is he actually going to..

“Meow.”

You gasped.

The look on the Vice Captains face was picture worthy. To think that he'd actually comply and meow for you, it made your heart jump.

“Vice Captain..” Kafka stood at the door, accompanied by Reno and Shinomiya. They had come by to ask Hoshina something important but were instead met with something horrifying.

“..Did you just..meow?”

“No.”

[hikarry]

"Aziraphale is the intelligent one"

My love, both of them are intelligent even if Crowley plays his smarts in an aloof way

How many IQ points do you think one must have to bullshit his way through dangerous situations as fast as Crowley does? How smart and cold blooded (ahah get it? I think I'm hilarious) does one need to be to come up with high risk yet efficient plans under pressure and unreasonable amounts of stress?

That man's synapses happen at light speed!

Not only does he have to come up with plans in 2 seconds but he also has to play it cool all the while hiding all his anxiety and manic panic!

Crowley is the definition of nerves of steel

He would be your best option to difuse a bomb ready to explode in under 3 minutes, not Aziraphale

Aziraphale is book smart and methodical. He needs time to think and analyze stuff. Crowley thinks clearer and faster under absurd amounts of pressure and he is lightning fast about it without ever tipping his hand

If you have time to solve your problem, go with Aziraphale. You can be sure he will find the best solution there is. If you are under the clock, fuck Aziraphale. Crowley is your best option to come up with a solid plan to save your arse

This is one of the reasons they are such a good team! They complement each other like that

If I ever see another himbo downplaying Crowley's smarts murder will occur

[seivsite]

UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

synopsis: your boyfriend, micha, failed to recognize you while under the influence, and he remained skeptical until you presented him with video evidence.

includes: michael kaiser x fem!reader. he calls you good girl once, drunk kaiser, soft and clingy micha, swear words, suggestive at the end — wc: 1355

You were peacefully going about your evening when a series of messages started flooding your phone—several from Kaiser and a dozen from Ness. With a sigh, you opened your phone and began reading the messages.

Without wasting any time, you hastily slipped on your trusty Crocs and dashed off to the location Ness had sent you, dressed only in a hoodie and flared pants. As you arrived, your eyes scanned the area, searching for your boyfriend amidst the chaos. His hair, a vibrant mix of white roots and blue tips, stood out like a sore thumb. Approaching Ness and Kaiser’s slumped figure, you locked eyes with your beloved, who greeted you with a bizarre statement, “I have the most beautiful and wonderful girlfriend! Go away!”

You glanced over at Ness, who merely shrugged his shoulders, conveying that Kaiser had been acting like this for a while. Brushing off Kaiser’s nonsensical remarks and futile attempts to escape, you took charge and dragged him towards your car. Ness gathered Kaiser’s belongings and neatly stowed them in the back while you ensured that Kaiser was securely buckled up, preventing any potential wobbling out the window or other absurdities.

You expressed gratitude to Ness and embarked on the journey back home. However, Kaiser couldn’t resist voicing his discontent, whining about how his beloved would be disappointed to find him with someone else, completely oblivious to the fact that you were, in fact, his girlfriend.

As you parked the car and approached Kaiser’s side, you cunningly placed your phone by the window, ready to capture his drunken antics for some entertaining mischief.

“Micha,” you began, but he quickly interrupted, his tone filled with protest. “Nooo, only my girlfriend can call me that!” he whimpered, clutching onto you for support since his ability to walk properly had been compromised.

“But I am your girlfriend,” you insisted, determined to break through his inebriated haze.

“No, you’re not!” he countered, clearly in a state of confusion and intoxicated from the copious amounts of alcohol he had consumed. Together, you both stumbled into your shared home, ensuring the phone captured every hilarious moment.

Suddenly, your eyes caught sight of the ring he had bought you for your anniversary. Holding it up, you presented it to him. Kaiser examined the ring, then looked back at you, realisation dawning upon him. Immediately, he enveloped you in a tight hug.

“Mein Schatz~ Where were you? I thought you had abandoned me, thinking I wasn’t loved anymore,” he confessed, a few tears welling up in his eyes.

“Gosh, Micha, I didn’t expect you to be such a clingy drunk,” you muttered playfully, as you stopped the recording on your phone. With care, you guided Kaiser towards the bedroom, allowing him to collapse onto the bed. Methodically, you removed his shoes, blazer, and shirt, despite his feeble attempts to convince you to join him and just sleep. Deep down, you knew he’d complain in the morning if he didn’t change. So, you handed him a pair of comfy sweatpants, encouraging him to switch into something more comfortable. He sluggishly complied, finally sitting down on the mattress.

With tenderness, you wiped clean his face and tidied up his soiled clothes. Fetching a warm glass of water and some hangover medicine, you offered it to Kaiser, who grumbled about not needing it for a solid five minutes. However, when you threatened to withhold kisses from him, he reluctantly surrendered and drank the medicine. Finally, he nestled under the covers, succumbing to a deep slumber.

Shaking your head in both affection and amusement, you tidied up any remaining mess before joining Kaiser in bed. As you turned off the lights, you immediately felt his hands wrap around your waist, pulling you close. Kaiser found solace against your chest, emitting soft snores as he slept soundly. Gently, you planted a kiss on his forehead and whispered, “Gute Nacht, Liebe.”

As you woke from your slumber, you noticed Kaiser still peacefully sleeping on your chest, his head nestled against your bosom. Feeling a wave of warmth and affection, you decided to grab your phone and post a tweet on twitter.

However, after pressing the post button, Kaiser swiftly snatched the phone from your hand, wearing an annoyed expression.

“Hey, give me back my phone,” you demanded, reaching out to retrieve it. But Kaiser held it out of your reach, a mischievous pout forming on his lips. With his adorable “I want kisses” cat eyes, he requested, “No, give me a kiss first.”

You let out a sigh, realising you wouldn’t get your phone back without complying. Relenting to his playful demands, you planted a small peck on his lips. However, it was clear that he wasn’t satisfied with such a brief display of affection. Before you knew it, he firmly grasped your neck and pulled you into a deeper, more passionate kiss.

Startled by your quick reaction, Kaiser found his mouth covered by your hand as you asked, “Okay, happy now?” Swiftly reclaiming your phone from his grip, you casually walked away, heading to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Kaiser, still flabbergasted, followed you, almost stumbling along the way but managing to regain his balance.

Desperate for answers, he shouted, “Can’t you at least tell me what happened last night?!” His confusion and frustration were evident in his voice. You busied yourself with the pans and ingredients, getting everything ready to make a delicious breakfast for the two of you.

With a composed demeanour, you began to recount the events of the previous night. “You got drunk, Ness called me because you kept calling out my name. I arrived, and you didn’t recognize me until I showed you my ring,” you explained, your voice filled with a mixture of concern and amusement. Kaiser couldn’t believe his ears, the idea of not recognizing his one and only, precious lover seemed unfathomable. Before he could protest or deny it, you teased him, saying, “If you want to be sure, check the recent video in my gallery~” You continued cutting up the tofu, a mischievous glint in your eye.

Eager to confirm your words, Kaiser swiftly grabbed your phone, effortlessly unlocking it using your anniversary date as the passcode. As he watched the video, he was rendered speechless, unable to comprehend what he had just witnessed. Lost in thought, he hadn’t realised that you had finished preparing breakfast.

“Breakfast’s ready,” you chimed, placing the food on the table. “Oh, and Micha, you might want to check your phone soon.” You hinted with a playful smile, your own appetite clearly satisfied as you began to enjoy the meal.

Kaiser’s phone suddenly dinged, signalling someone was messaging him. You saw how his eyes widened in shock before your phone got its own notifications.

Kaiser’s mischievous gaze met yours, his eyes brimming with a playful intent. With a teasing smile, you wagged your pointer finger from side to side, playfully denying him.

“Ah ah,” you chided, “If you want my attention, you’ll need to—”

But before you could finish your sentence, Kaiser disregarded your playful admonishment. With a swift motion, he took your hand and led you back to your shared bedroom. Pinning your hands gently beside your head, he leaned in closer, his voice filled with a hint of seductive playfulness.

“Well, didn’t you just say you wanted me to fuck you?” he whispered, his eyes glimmering with desire. Before you could respond, he claimed your lips in a passionate kiss, his hand sliding underneath your shirt. A shiver ran through your body as his cold fingers brushed against your waist, drawing you closer to him.

As your arms encircled his neck, you surrendered yourself to the intoxicating passion of the moment. His lips left yours, venturing down to your neck, leaving a trail of tender love bites in their wake. A soft sigh of pleasure escaped your lips, as you revelled in the sensations.

“A bit eager, aren’t we?” Kaiser playfully teased, a hint of mockery lacing his words. “Well, my darling, how about you be a good girl and take whatever I give you, yeah?”

NOTES. the german petnames mean love and darling, mein means my iirc. also he’s shirtless after he wakes up soo (｡- .•). i promised to post this yesterday but uhh i fell asleep woops sorry lol. anyway thanks for reading!

TAG LIST. @rintosei @yanqingisim

LIKES AND REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! ‹3

[pankowcrumbs]

Papaya Dancing X Lando Norris

Authors note: I Saw this and couldn't not picture Lando doing this so enjoy 🩵

The sun was blazing, the perfect setting for what was shaping up to be one of the most bizarre yet brilliant days of my life. I was on set for the music video of my new single, “Drive Me Crazy,” which was all about wild summer nights and unapologetic fun. The concept? A mix of glamour, chaos, and just the right amount of ridiculousness. The centrepiece of the video? A driver, shirtless, in a car wash, dancing with a papaya-coloured McLaren and spraying himself with soap and water.

To top it off, the driver would be wearing a papaya McLaren F1 helmet, leaving the identity a complete mystery. Well, a mystery to everyone except me, of course.

Lando Norris, my not-so-secret boyfriend, had enthusiastically agreed to the role after I jokingly pitched the idea during a late-night conversation. “I’ll do it,” he’d said, grinning mischievously. “Only if I get to keep the helmet and embarrass myself as much as possible.”

True to his word, he showed up on set, helmet in hand and ready to throw himself into the absurdity of it all.

The cameras rolled as Lando leaned casually against the McLaren, the papaya paint gleaming under the studio lights. The scene began with him washing the car in slow motion, shirtless, suds dripping off his torso in the most exaggerated way possible. By the time the music hit the chorus, he was full-on dancing, spraying soap and water everywhere, even slipping at one point and laughing so hard the crew had to pause filming.

“Lando,” I called out between takes, trying to stifle my own laughter. “You’re supposed to make it look sexy, not like you’re in a comedy sketch.”

He lifted the helmet slightly so I could see his face, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “This is sexy,” he said, puffing out his chest dramatically before spinning on his heel and doing a ridiculous shimmy.

The crew was in stitches, and honestly, so was I. His carefree attitude was infectious, and it made the entire shoot feel like a chaotic party rather than work.

When the music video finally dropped a few weeks later, the internet exploded. Fans flooded the comments section with theories about the mystery driver. The papaya helmet and McLaren car were obvious clues, and within hours, Lando’s name was trending.

“Guys, it has to be Lando Norris!” one fan tweeted, attaching side-by-side images of Lando at a race and the helmet from the video.

Another chimed in, “If it’s not Lando, I’ll eat my shoe. The McLaren connection is too obvious.”

The speculation reached fever pitch, and neither Lando nor I did anything to quash the rumours. In fact, we found the entire situation hilarious, texting each other screenshots of the wildest fan theories.

But the real bombshell came at the next F1 Grand Prix. I’d always been a fan of the sport, and Lando had invited me to join him for the weekend. This time, though, there’d be no sneaking around, no trying to fly under the radar. We decided it was time to confirm what everyone already suspected.

As we arrived at the paddock, hand in hand, the cameras descended on us like a swarm of bees. Reporters shouted questions, fans cheered, and photographers snapped away. Lando, ever the joker, leaned in and whispered, “Ready to break the internet?”

I smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. “I think we already did.”

The reaction was immediate. Social media lit up like fireworks, with fans reacting in every possible way.

“CONFIRMED: Lando Norris and Y/N are dating, and I’m not okay,” one tweet read.

Another simply said, “This is the crossover I didn’t know I needed.”

During the weekend, I stayed close to Lando, getting a behind-the-scenes look at his world. It was fascinating watching him interact with the team, the focus and determination he had during qualifying, and the way he lit up when he talked about racing.

But my favourite moment came after the race, when we were back in the McLaren hospitality area, away from the chaos. Lando plopped down next to me, still in his race suit, and sighed dramatically.

“So,” he said, smirking, “how does it feel to date the internet’s favourite papaya driver?”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. “I think they’re more obsessed with you than me at this point.”

“Impossible,” he said, leaning over to kiss my temple. “You’re the real star here.”

The rest of the weekend was a whirlwind of excitement, but through it all, Lando and I stuck together, soaking in the surreal experience of sharing this part of our lives so publicly.

By the time we left the Grand Prix, the “Drive Me Crazy” music video had reached record-breaking views, and the internet was buzzing with memes of Lando’s car wash antics. One fan had even photoshopped him onto a shampoo bottle, dubbing it “Papaya Suds by Lando Norris.”

As we boarded the plane home, Lando turned to me with a grin. “So, when’s the next music video? I think I’ve found my true calling.”

I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder. “Let’s just get through this one first, yeah?”

And as the plane took off, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for every absurd, wonderful moment with him. It wasn’t just the racing or the music or even the chaos of the internet’s obsession—it was the way we could laugh through all of it together.

[daizedndconfused]

What gifts would you give the ninjago characters? Hope ur having a happy holiday

aww thank you!! i had so much fun haha but let’s get into this

gifts id give the ninja

kai

to be funny id give him like an absurd amount of hair gel with his name and face on it i think it’d be hilarious

as a genuine gift i’d get him fireworks. THIS MAY SEEM ODD BUT HEAR ME OUT. he’s hot headed we all know that and i feel like he’d have so much fun going into the middle of nowhere and lighting a bunch of fireworks

i’d ALSO get him tickets to a rage room. personally i’ve never been to one but k really want to and i think kai would THRIVE. he gets to whack the shit out of things for funsies and LEGALLY!! what could be better??

cole

id get him a record player and some old records to go with it

i’d also get him a new guitar because (again if you read my fics yk how i feel about this) he’s probably been wanting a new one for so long but doesn’t actually ask for one cause they’re expensive (DONT CARE ILL BUY IT!!)

i would get him lego lily flowers because…yk that was his moms name and they’ll never die cause they’re legos

jay

a new video fr or like a gift card for game stores cause he needs to play something new im begging

i’d also get him legos but like i’d get him a really big one that’s at least 1000 pieces cause he goes through that shit sooo fast

anddd id get him a lightsaber because ik he’d have fun with it

zane

to be funny (again cause i’m hilarious) id get him a snow cone maker

as a genuine gift i’d get him a STACK of beautifully bonded classic literature along with some cute sweater cause they’d look good on him ik it

lastly i’m getting him a heated blanket… he’s gotta be tired of being cold all the time just be cozy pleaseeee

lloyd

i’m giving him an entire comic book series (or at least a good chunk cause there’s so many in one series

i’d also give him a cute framed picture of when he was a kid because my poor boy did NOT get enough of a childhood

on that similar note i’d give him things he used to like as a kid like action figures cause he defo collects them

nya

my girl nya gets an old motorcycle that i found for cheap that she can take a part and make better. ik she’ll add whatever the hell she wants to it and make it an absolute MACHINE

i’d also get her a leather jacket with like a little lightning bolt on one sleeve and a drop of water on the other she loves jay after all

again to be funny id get her a do not disturb thing to put on her door cause she needs rest sometimes and ALSO one of those little mini punching bags cause home girl also has some anger issues