#it's a bit annoying. bc it's one of my biggest issues and why i have trouble in almost every field

[daz4i]

oh my god earlier this week i was talking to my mom abt how i used to constantly feel bad even at elementary school despite having good grades and not having social issues or mental illnesses yet (undiagnosed autism aside). and she really helped me crack the code by saying "yes you always came home angry about (kid in my class) getting better grades than you in math or (friend) being better than you in english even though you knew she is american" and then it clicked. i was simply always a jealous competitive annoying little bitch who has to be the best and most specialest at everything or i may as well die

[adoremexxs]

Sekido and Aizetsu Modern Headcanons

i love writing for sekido.

warnings: mentions of sh, smoking, i always make these so angsty

Sekido

OH MY GOD

i love this man

so hands up by 6arelyhuman is one of his favorite songs

if karaku catches him singing it, he gets mad

and throws things at karaku bc karaku loves teasing him

sekido is EXTREMELY skilled at archery

the way his arms pull the bow back with such strength, his veins bulging out and his hair up in a bun

he’s so fine

he gets extremely stressed so he has resulted to smoking weed from time to time and to smoking cigarettes

he keeps the cigarettes hid from his brothers but most of them all know about it

he just doesn’t want aizetsu to find out

sekido and karaku are the only brothers who have kept their long locks

sekido wears it up in a bun whenever he is doing activities or uses a head scarf (what Uta wears) to pull it back when cleaning or doing chores

he does most of the chores around the house, aizetsu helps him but he mainly cleans bc urogi and karaku def don’t clean

zohakuten has jokingly called him mom or mother a couple of times

whenever it’s raining, he loves it, he relaxes so much more

he sits in his room, by the window to watch the rain go “pit-pat” against the window, a book of poetry sat in his lap

he wears sweaters a lot

especially at home when it’s that cozy fall or winter weather

he LOVES fall or winter but gets pissed when it’s too cold or wet to do anything

sekido constantly needs to move around or engage his mind or else he doesn’t know what to do

aizetsu sometimes comes into his room and lays on his bed to sleep or just talk to him

“sekido, are you alright? you look a bit upset…”

“perfectly fine, zetsu…”

“you know you can tell me anything, ‘kido…”

Sekido lets Aizetsu vent or cry to him no matter HOW annoying he can be

Whenever Aizetsu’s toxic ex girlfriend cheated on him with Douma of all people, Sekido threatened to beat him up

And he did

Though Aizetsu didn’t want him too

Sekido and Aizetsu are pretty close

Aizetsu is his baby brother, he must take care of him

He has to take care of them all

Whenever Sekido found out about Karaku’s incident, he didn’t talk to him for a week

he couldn’t process it

why would his little brother do something like that?

something so stupid!

it infuriated him so much that he didn’t want to see karaku’s face

it pained him too much

but eventually they started talking again

enough with the sappy shit

karaku made sekido be an art model for a day

it was a harmless idea

but man did it boost sekido’s ego, they all made him look so good, so sculpted

but our bbg is already perfect

sekido doesn’t know how gorgeous he is

A LOT of girls have a crush on him

but he scares everyone off by being so harsh and mean

it’s even hotter to watch him practice soccer, football or archery

his legs are massive, he legit has massive thighs and calves

he takes all his anger out on football and soccer

can play the violin and piano

wears earrings, usually gold

has matching nipple piercings w/ karaku and urogi

they did it while he was asleep

he’s a deep sleeper, he can sleep through anything

he slept thru getting his nipples pierced

sekido was pissed when he saw them and urogi and karaku were forced to clean the entire house as punishment

gets in a lot of fights

the BIGGEST daddy issues

legit has the biggest daddy issues and anger issues

karaku deals with his daddy n mommy issues by sleeping with multiple people

sekido deals with his daddy n mommy issues by beating the shit out of people and having extreme negative thoughts

his mental health is shit

he suffered from self harm for awhile, he always wears long sleeves even in 100 degree weather

karaku always thought it was strange but he legit didn’t think anything of it. he thought sekido just likes long sleeves

he’s recovered now, thank goodness

also goes to therapy

after what happened with Zohakuten, he felt terrible because he had become just like their father

he’s doing a lot better now

Aizetsu

oh aizetsu

he’s one of the sweetest brothers

Him and Urogi get along but Urogi’s teasing makes him sad sometimes

Urogi immediately apologizes

He spends most of his time with Sekido

Especially in his room

he’ll lay on Sekido’s bed to nap or read to just talk to his big brother and Sekido will listen

he legit cried his heart out when his toxic gf cheated on him

Sekido awkwardly comforted and then took Aizetsu to a bunny cafe to cheer him up

Aizetsu LOVES bunnies

And collecting crystals with Urogi

His love for bunnies is extreme

He begs Sekido for one

Sekido says no everytime but if Aizetsu wants a bunny plushie, he’ll buy it

which resulted in Aizetsu’s bed being filled with bunny plushies

some are in his closet

he has too many

wears bunny jewelry

like bracelets or necklaces sometimes

Karaku would tease him for his love for bunnies, saying that he is like Zohakuten who has a childish obsession with dragons

Zohakuten beats Karaku up for that

Him and Urogi will practice soccer together or sometimes, very rarely, work out together

Aizetsu doesn’t work out really, his muscle is all from genetics and doing sports

He does track and soccer so his legs are naturally built

He bruises very easily

Also gets hurt easily which has Urogi and Sekido fussing over him

Urogi is very protective over Aizetsu because he doesn’t want his brother to be hurt at all

That’s why he played a prank on Aizetsu’s toxic ex-girlfriend because it’s not like he can beat her up

They got Daki to do that instead

He times it perfectly

He was on the second floor and leaning out the window with a bucket of green slime, obviously Karaku was with him

He dumped slime on her head

Aizetsu was so embarrassed that Urogi did that

but also thought it was funny and deserved

Aizetsu took up fencing as a past time

He’s really good at it and he enjoys it

is depressed and has to take medication

he is slowly getting better

distracting himself is his way of escaping it

he has a beautiful singing voice

he can sing them high notes

can play the violin as well

him and urogi match sometimes

is lowkey obsessed with “Love is a waste of time” by Lovely Peaches and “I know you” by Faye Webster

I know you is his crying song

he pretends he’s in an edit sometimes when he is alone

it’s very funny

Blew up on tiktok

he is legit known as the “sad hot guy”

is ashamed of his title

but his followers have boosted his confidence a bit

karaku has tried to get famous on tiktok too

“we legit should start a tiktok with all four of us”

“that’s a terrible idea, karaku. you’ll just hog all the attention!”

“no i won’t!”

even though his brothers all argue and give Aizetsu a headache, he still loves them a lot

[kaleidosouls]

SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

[misc-obeyme]

Finally finished new last lesson

And honestly, i don't even know why I still play lol

/well, for Solomon, i guess/

But still, last lessons was so boring, i feel annoyed that there's nothing interesting. I don't care about those exams from Dia and feel mostly annoyed with that. Also, I'm so disappointed that one chapter so short and more and more without choices. Thanks, i hate it. I mean, i skipped almost whole lesson, and i just know that there was nothing important to read. Nightbrige? Nah, whatever, go to the casino. Something wrong with Simeon? Nah, he's be fine. Solomon's lore? Whatever.

There's was a moment, where i was angry at Beel and Mammon, and i loved them, BUT GAME MAKES ME ANNOYED WITH THEM.

I'm just so sad and pissed off :/

I just want to take my MC and leave bc she's deserves better

Sorry for rambling, but I'm so disappointed(

/and i really miss Sol and I hate that Solmare didn't make different routes, bc i know they're can do that/

To be honest with you, anon, I am not caught up on the lessons currently. I haven't read the latest one or the one before that. Mostly because of these same reasons. They're just kinda boring. I keep expecting something to happen and then it never does lol.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm planning to read them eventually. But I kinda like having them pile up a bit so I can read them all at once. It feels like the story is more cohesive that way?

Anyway, your feelings are completely valid. Sometimes things we used to love change and we find they don't fill us with the same feelings they once did.

I really feel like the biggest issue with the current way the story is going is that there seems to be all this mundane filler stuff between big events that never get resolved. As you said, what's going on with Nightbringer? What's happening with Simeon? We know SOMETHING is up, but the story's just like la dee da here's a science fair! Or what have you.

Hopefully we'll get something that at least makes sense and wraps up some stuff. But at this point, I am not holding my breath. For me, I'm still here because I love the characters and I see their potential and the potential of the world OM has set up. For everything else, there's fanfic lol.

[dukeofdelirium]

If you look up Child Bride by Suzanne Finstad, you can find it on Amazon. I'm not sure if it's online anywhere. The Elvis-Priscilla timeline is basically that they were "courting" a bit while he was stationed in Germany, but it was quite common for teenage girls to do so while chaperoned. They saw each other for five months only on the weekends with other people, listened to music, normal stuff. Then he left and they did not see each other again for two years, though Priscilla wrote him a TON of letters (he didn't write her back a whole lot; as that other commenter said, he had his own steady girlfriend back home!). When she was 16, she visited his family for two weeks and left. About 2 months before she turned 18, she started begging her parents and Elvis to let her come over and live in Memphis. This was weird because Elvis was shooting movies and wasn't in Memphis at all at the time, but it was agreed that she could come if she would live with Elvis' father and his wife so she could be taken care of. But after being there for a few weeks, she just moved all her stuff into Graceland. It was kind of understood that Elvis did want to marry her when she was older, he thought it's what his mother would want for him, but he was also wishy-washy and kind of just went along with what his girlfriends wanted to avoid any conflict or hurt feelings. It was another 3 years before they got married, so she was 21 and he was 31. I think what's annoying is that people DO get the impression that they were together non-stop from the time she was 14, which is not true at all, and Priscilla was definitely the one who was pursuing it the most. Modern minds cannot grasp this, but women used to drop out of school and get married so often in the '50s-'60s, and it was considered fine to date an older man if you intended to get married one day. It was the idea of living together that was more of the scandal, and I think that's partly why Elvis' manager wanted to get the knot tied so bad. (And because he was close with Priscilla's family.) So yes, they "dated" but you also have to adjust your definition of dating to "Elvis wants to go to the movies with a bunch of other people, do you want to be there also?" ... and also he is dating multiple other people all the time. XD So it was not exclusive or serious at that time, it was more, "Let's put a pin in this and circle back down the road." I also want to emphasize that this was all very chaste, Elvis would physically leave the room a lot of times if Priscilla tried to make something happen, even after 18. This was his biggest sin to her.

Hm, interesting stuff. Thank you for the detailed explanations. I’m going to see if I can find this book online or download it somehow as opposed to buying it.

It sounds like to me based on what you’re saying that she didn’t have a personal relationship with him let alone an intimate one despite her continued pursuit of it. I’ll have to do more research in my free time and see if I can read this book, but I already hate Priscilla so this just makes it worse to me lol.

Though I can’t speak of hatred toward her when it comes to Elvis because I am not a fan of him. But I cannot stand the things she says about Michael Jackson and the way she tries to villainize him for the crime of *checks notes* wanting a family with his wife…. My real issue isn’t even the villainizing, it’s the fact she’s trying to say that this black man would be so privileged to be around Presley genetics and that their white genes are so precious and sacred and that he desperately wanted it by any means necessary that comes off as very racist of her.

Especially considering MJ clearly didn’t give a fuck about “Presley genes” bc he had a nobody nurse birth his first two kids 😐

Priscilla seems to live in her own world where in HER reality MJ saw the Presley bloodline as above all others or something. But in reality, he was a Jackson and he certainly didn’t need the Presley name, fame or “genes” and he also wasn’t even a fan of Elvis

Anyway, rant over (for now lol). I’m gonna check this book out and do some digging

[originemesis]

// bc meowing on discord isn't enough for me. I need some more discussion on Adam's character and how actually yummy it is, mmk.

I have seen so many analysis on why Adam is a lazy villain and not well thought out at all, so here we go bitch- on why that's incorrect. And also my thoughts in general on the character (technically not canon, but we don't have more in depth scenes with Adam aside from him interacting with Sera and literally just death smiling at Lute.)

First and foremost - the man is a vindictive shit. Like what I get is that for episode 1, he was just going to tell Lucifer 'ok see ya next year' at that scheduled meeting. But Lucifer flakes out and sends his cuck child (which slightly irks Adam ofc). But the fact that she then tries to snake (haha joke) oil sell him on this stupid hotel shit is warrant enough for him to be like 'yeah, actuaaaaally... we gonna come back in 6 months now.' Cuz 1, it annoyed him, and 2- the subtle triggering of an old testament character that never got second chances as far as Eden was concerned and is very much in the 'you do to this to me ...I do this back' mindset.

So when Charlie actually goes over his head to Sera and exposes what they've been doing to heaven, that's when 'just coming back early' turns into attacking her hotel. He even shows this behaviour to Vaggie when she runs off to the bathroom instead of sticking around to help shut Charlie down like he'd told her to do- thus his rebuttal is exposing her angel lineage. It's all completely justified in his 'eye for an eye' equation.

Then when Charlie actually fights back that's another infraction and grounds for him lumping her in with all that should be exterminated too, deal or not. Because none of this would have happened at all if she had just 'stayed in her place' and hadn't attended that first meeting, let alone with her redemption plans.

Unfortunately how involved of a villain he is gets overshadowed by the dudebro jokes and memes. Viv actually did say she wished we'd gotten more time with Adam and most likely any hint of his actions and motives were overshadowed and not disclosed for it except the pretty little bow they put on him in the brief look he shares with Lute in the finale.

There's no question that Lute is like a protege to him and his views and values as they're always together/ sidekicks, possibly even lovers depending on how things pan out exposition wise. He's trained her to be about as insufferable and vicious as he is, and I don't think it's a coincidence aside from he just thinks it's funny as fuck to watch her go off on folks with her potential (and definitely exploitable) mental illness. In a sense, he's coaching her to be as insufferable as he is because then she won't ever be able to leave him (most likely his biggest insecurity sticking point) because no one else will tolerate her like he does. She clearly understands the assignment because even Adam gets occasionally rendered speechless by what comes out of her mouth as seen by her overly enthusiastic execution plans.

And lastly! Adam's abandonment issues are interesting in that he would blame everyone for leaving him being the reason why he treat folks as if they already had done that to him. But Lilith most likely leaves him because he tried to command too much of what happened between them/being a stifling, overbearing, and demanding partner. After that happens, he likely backs off a bit and takes a more lax approach with Eve in comparison because he doesn't want the same situation happening. Only it does BECAUSE he was too lax and thus was unable to be the voice of reason to Eve when she was being instructed to eat the apple.

Now because he knows neither approach will keep someone in their place, his final solution comes with how he interacts with Lute- basically convincing her and likely the other exorcists that the rest of heaven outside of the flock will never understand them and the lengths they go to in order to keep the peace in heaven. Because there's no clear way out of an echo chamber and you just keep returning to the source of it at the end of all things said and done.

[wigglebox]

Thoughts on the SPNWIN Finale

Okay so I’m gonna divide this into two parts: Implications for the future of where this show will go, and then implications for a potential continuation. 

**This is me writing after only seeing the episode once and then popping through here and there to try and remember things, but I may mis-remember or misinterpret but I wanna get these first thoughts out of the way!**

First off, just to quickly summarize my thoughts at the top: I really loved it. 

They had a hard hand dealt with this show, which is, only 13 episodes and no promise of a season 2. Because of that, they had to write it in a way that both closed this season but kept the door cracked open for more season. It’s a very very hard balance to do, but I think they still did it. 

To me, I have a lot of questions, but I LIKE having questions because that draws me back for season 2. And, if done properly, it can also lure people into the continuation. 

Implications for the future of SPNWIN

This episode was a whirlwind so I apologize if I mis-remember anything! 

I think the key thing that I took away from this in terms of future potential was the journal. They have Dean’s journal in the sense that Dean and Sam had John’s journal. 

John and Mary take off in the end but I have no doubt in my mind Lata, Carlos, and Ada will all come back and play a part some how as well. 

Which, by the way, the fact that this Carlos was THEE Carlos that was referenced in a Robbie episode a million years ago is so amazing, idk why. Robbie you madman! 

But, now we more or less have the confirmation that this isn’t truly our world, however we are going to be sticking with these characters in the future. Therefore, I don’t know if that means they’ll be universe hopping too, I don’t know if it means they’ll uncover more mysteries from Dean’s journal? I think that’s likely. I also think that will be fun. 

I also ALSO think that will provide more world building for the continuation, like this season already did. 

There is the obvious issue in the room of that being there were only 13 episodes and this may have felt more like a mid-season finale rather than a finale, however not being promised a season 2 has had to have been thee most annoying thing to write around. 

But, for a first season, it set up some solid base foundation work for them to continue to explore more stories while also not screwing around with canon. 

There are still questions I want answered and who knows when or if they’ll ever be answered. The biggest one, however, is what on earth is in that journal?

I have more questions but I need to rewatch the show to form them so they’ll be in a follow up post most likely. 

Another question I have is: Was that really Dean from start to finish? The hair is the biggest thing for me bc J finished filming Big Sky and there was no reason not to cut it, or use a wig of some kind [lol]. But also in general it felt different a little bit. Like it’s still him but also it didn’t feel like him from the pilot and from the photos we were seeing. But it really may well be him all along! I imagine that’s part of the mystery. 

I don’t think we’ll see him again, or if we do, it’s not going to be the same version. I think he served as a launching point. Several friends have made this point already but basically he laid the foundation for all this multi-verse stuff and now the kiddos are on their own and there’s a lottttt to explore. 

Again, I have to rewatch in order to fully form my thoughts on the future for the show. 

My question is gonna be basically are they going to explore different universes? And, how, if Chuck kinda offed all of them? But I’m okay with my questions for now because I like to go with the flow of the show. I don’t want to figure everything out right now. 

Implications for a SPN Continuation

I’ll talk about this first since I have some frens who were disappointed that 1) Cas wasn’t with Jack and Bobby and 2) Cas wasn’t mentioned. 

If you’re new around here, then I’ll cut to the chase now: I am a full on “Cas Is Not In Heaven” believer. There are several reasons why. I am also a “Chuck Won” and “Jack is Chuck” believer. Also several reasons why. 

I don’t believe Cas is in Heaven because they never showed him getting there. “Well Jack got him out of The Empty,” is one of those things that I’ll believe it when I see it, because otherwise, it’s too shady for me. Cas was last taken, alive, to an Empty where everything else was awake and alive and taken on behalf of a deal, not because he died. The Empty has wanted Cas for a while, and has been pissed that he’s gotten out. Cas is a PRIZE for The Empty so I don’t really see it giving up Cas any time soon for any particular reason. 

Especially if that reason is Jack. 

I don’t believe The Empty likes Jack either, especially after their last interaction being so bad (Jack exploding in The Empty, waking everything up). I don’t feel like The Empty is willing to do any favors for him. 

God isn’t supposed to be able to influence The Empty but I think, since Lilith and Lucifer were brought down, that Chuck and The Empty had an arrangement. And from 15x18 to 15x20 I had literally no reason to believe that Cas, a threat to Chuck, would have been let go for any reason, even if Jack was “God” now. 

It would have been sloppy story telling, in my opinon, if they tried to explain how Cas got into Heaven in such a short amount of time, and would have extremely taken away from the emotional magnitude of 15x18. 

And that’s how I felt with 1x13 of The Winchesters. 

If we had seen Cas I would have been upset, I think. Because again, there’s no explanation for him being there. If it wasn’t going to be a *wink wink nudge nudge* thing like “We’ll explain it in the continuation” then I didn’t want it. 

The reason why I feel so passionate about this is beacuse of the Chuck Won theory. And because of that theory, and how Cas’ role evolved over time in Supernatural, I don’t believe Chuck can “recreate” Cas. Because Cas exists outside of Chuck’s narrative, and isn’t beholdened to Chuck, that means Chuck can’t reproduce Cas. It’s just never going to happen. 

And I feel strongly about Chuck not being able to do that SPECIFICALLY because when all is said and done, I don’t EVER want Dean to look at Cas and wonder if he’s real or not (throwback to 15x02 anyone?). 

Therefore, I did not want to see Cas in The Winchesters except for very very very specific ways that I knew deep down wouldn’t happen because this isn’t the show for that. 

And I’m sorry I wish I could go along with the Cas in Heaven memes because they do make me laugh — but also the thought of him being there with no explanation and still not showing up makes me more sad than not. 

And that’s another thing—

With 15x20, and no Cas, there had been conspiracy after conspiracy for the last two and a half years as to why, everywhere between network censorship to Misha secretly filming and then them not showing anything. I’m personally more inclined to believe a mixture of: Censorship (Dean can’t reciprocate so what’s the point) and a deliberate choice on behalf of Dabb. But that’s for a different post because this is already very very long. 

But, him not being in the finale — while it fed into the Chuck Won theory — it also didn’t have enough stability to truly land on one theory or another because COVID restrictions were also blamed (in whatever manner people saw fit to blame it). 

However, NOW — with Cas NOT showing up next to Jack and Bobby — even tho in 15x20 Bobby said that Cas helped Jack — was very LOUD to me. 

So what does that imply, to me?

1) No Cas until they have the time and space to put the story and emotions into it that it deserves. AKA — since I’m a Cas Is In The Empty believer — A rescue, by Dean. Even Jackles at JIB11 said that he’d want to explore that. Both of them have expressed an interest in exploring a follow up to 15x18. They can’t do that in the season finale of a spin off show that hadn’t mentioned them virtually at all (apart from parallels) all season. 

2) No Cas because Cas isn’t there. I’ll get into my “Jack isn’t Jack” thing in a second, but because there was also this choice not to have Cas there — once is a mistake, but twice? Now it’s starting something. Especially since this time, they DID have Jack there. It’s like they’re showing us a Cas-shaped puzzle piece missing. The piece may be missing but you can clearly see the hole and know what’s supposed to be there (kinda like Dean’s reciprocation!).

To me these are interesting storytelling tactics. And that’s what this is, storytelling. 

I feel like maybe we lost the plot a little bit, we being The Fandom, in terms of long-term storytelling efforts. 

Cas being in The Empty still really does open up a TON of plot ideas for a continuation. Is it sad he’s not with Dean right now? Absolutely. But I’d rather have them apart than have a flimsy, unexplained reunion just to have a reunion. 

“They didn’t even mention Cas,” and yeah, maybe they could have, but as friends in Discord servers have pointed out, that also locks them into a story that they may not be able to tell so it’s better to keep it like how it was in 15x20 where Dean never spoke his name. That is, it adds to the uncanny valley of it all. 

Jack isn’t Jack 

Look at this lovely post. This reminds me of the first time I was ever exposed to Chuck Won, Chuck is Jack theory way back in ... I want to say December 2020. Someone had compared Jack’s clothes to Chuck’s, and here we are again. 

Also these tags from @clarkenting​

Jack didn’t feel like Jack. He hasn’t felt like Jack since 15x19. 

I already freak out and ramble a lot about Chuck Won when it comes to Becky’s Notes in 15x04 about “no one even mentions Cas” and the line about rock music and the like. But another note she made was regarding the villain’s monologue at the end and how it kinda sucked. Jack had a monologue at the end. Jenny, in 15x20, said 8 words. 

So Jack post-15x19 has always been suspicious to me! And last night was no different, especially since it’s the most Chuck Like he’s looked. 

Also, another thing that got me, was the reference to Carry On (the Kansas song). It felt super duper pointed and not just an Easter Egg but like — hey this IMMEDIATELY reminds me of 15x20 and how Dean was like, weirdly, “I love this song!” a little too out of character in heaven as he began to drive off. 

Dean’s favorite band isn’t Kansas, it’s Led Zeppelin. 

Also, the reference felt like a fourth wall break, something that Chuck would do. 

So no, I don’t believe that Jack was Jack last night. I’m sure if I go through the dialogue, which I plan to do lol, I’ll find even more reason to believe that. 

Another thing that confused me was Bobby being there. Dean drove off, alone, and was continuously shown alone, throughout his drive. But BOBBY was there last night? Confused I am. But in the good way. 

We know now that Baby can hope planes of existence so I really really hope she can hop into The Empty. 

I’m someone who believes that Dean’s “Heaven” is in reality just The Empty. Or, as sometimes my friends will hear me call it, Chuck’s toy shelf. I am also someone who believes we DID see Chuck in 1x08 as part of the band and it wasn’t just a Rob cameo. Rob’s character has too much implication to just casually toss him in as a background character. 

--

This is super duper long, and I apologize but also not really! 

Some final thoughts (for now) (any follow up posts I make also will be under #spnwin thots):

I think this finale set up things for both a season 2 AND a continuation. I’ve been a contination believer since literally the SPN finale finished airing. At first it was a way to cope, but then it became a full blown belief for me the more and more first Jackles talked about it, and then the rest of the cast. 

I’m really excited for season 2 of The Winchesters should it happen. I really hope it does. I personally believe it has a high chance of migrating to HBO Max for a home — and if that’s the case that’ll be awesome bc I also believe that’s where a continuation will go. 

All of our favorites of the season will be in season 2 as well. We will see Carlos, Lata, Ada, Millie, Betty, Tony, etc. back. There are still questions about their characters too that we need answering. I’m still suspicious of Betty! 

I liked that they contained this just enough for the finale just in case they don’t get a season 2, but still left dangling plot threads to catch for a season 2 (which felt very season 15 of SPN to me. In my eyes, they really did leave some things dangling for a continuation.)

What kind of potential world building will we get now that we know space and time is but an illusion, lol. I like the prequel being used to expand worlds more and expand the canon more, especially when it comes to hopping planes of existence. 

Is The Empty really the big villain, or Chuck? I personally think so, and I personally think that this will help funnel some stuff into a continuation. 

“What about Destiel” yes what about Destiel? That’s a continuation problem but one that I know Jackles and Dee and whoever else will be involved will ultimately tackle as well. I may have more faith and optimism than others, but that’s because I know from past experiences from SPN that I won’t be burned no matter what happens — so if you need me to clown for you, I can! 

What about the Akrida? Do they just stop at this place? Why this particular storyline? What’s going on? We already have alternates to our own timeline that is the Akrida did not finish off our Men of Letters, Baby got into John’s hands via a car dealership (well, according to Chuck anyway), John didn’t know about hunting in our world, etc etc. 

So what else is different? Will they see OUR world? Who is dead, who is alive? Is Chuck gonna send them to other places too?

Only time will tell I guess! 

Time to light those manifestation candles for season 2 and a continuation! 

[humblefryingpan]

I love the Percy Jackson series but almost every canon relationship is so shit (including percabeth) and I think there's like 2 I don't have issues with. If the relationship is well written then there are loads of issues and if it's badly written (like most of them are) there isn't an improvement.

This is specifically about the romantic ones but the platonic ones aren't much better, most of them are really underdeveloped or just ignored. And ofc the constant "they're best friends!" about two characters that never talk or act like they hate eachother, I might make a separate post about them.

So let's start with Calleo (Calypso and Leo) because they are arguably the worst.

At a base level, I never liked it bc it came out of nowhere and made no sense but like I've thought about it a lot and it's such a flawed pairing. There's the age gap, the dynamic and just the way they're treated as soulmates despite not knowing eachother at all

I've seen a bunch of people saying she was good for him because of how 'badly' his friends treated him but honestly she treated him a lot worse. Jokingly calling your friends annoying can be a bit mean when you overdo it but I don't think Leo was ever actually upset by it, most of his sadness was from trauma, his existing fears and the stress he was under with the prophecy. And if your argument is "Calypso was the nicest person to him" then remember Calypso also called him annoying, plus she yelled at him constantly and treated him worse than they did.

And getting a girlfriend would not be good for him considering his issues with self love. He did want a girlfriend but I don't think he should have got with someone, and in my opinion he especially should not have been with Calypso.

Leo could have been literally any guy for her. She's met thousands of men, she's fallen 'in love' with all of them (we know that because they can't leave unless she loves them) and then she's cursed them/their gfs when they leave (she cursed annabeth in tartarus). I think if Leo did get a girlfriend it should have been someone that actually liked him and not just liking what he could do for her.

Yeah Leo was the first guy to go back but he had to kill himself to see her and you should not need to destroy yourself for anyone, and definitely not someone you've known for like 3 days. Leo wanted to save her because he didn't think it was fair she was left there and took the time to help because he felt obligated and he felt bad for her. He was not the only person to try to help, just the only person that was physically able to.

I don't really like Calypso but I'm not saying she is the entire problem, she needed to be around other people. She needed to be free, she just wanted a boyfriend because that was the only option she felt she had. Calleo would not last very long realistically because I don't think either of them specifically wanted eachother.

And onto my biggest issue with this ship - Leo is 15 years old. Calypso is as old as the gods and should not be dating a teenager. In actual mythology (it's quite different but she's still based on and inspired by regular Calypso) Calypso forcibly kept Odysseus on her island for 7 years, raped him multiple times and forced him to have 2 kids with her. Ofc that was changed a lot and pjo Calypso isn't a rapist but why the fuck would Rick take that character and stick her with a 15 year old?

If she's old enough to spend 7 years with Odysseus and old enough to have met a thousand people she's way too old for Leo (like she is thousands of years old and is a daughter of atlas, it doesn't matter if she looks 16). Even if you want to argue that she gave up immortality, she gave it up when she had already been alive for a very very long time and like even if she wasn't immortal she'd be at least 18 because percy, two years before Leo met her said she looked 16 so a human Calypso is also an adult woman trying to date multiple 15 year olds.

They would have been great as friends but Rick was determined to get both of them paired up with anyone so it was the only solution he ever would've gone for.

Next up is frazel (Frank/Hazel) because again, age gap??

There should not be two characters dating minors in one book Rick, please do better.

So Frank is 16 and starts dating Hazel when she is 13. "Frank only just turned 16" yeah but 15 and 13 isn't much better, "Hazel is close to 14" okay but again, 14 and 16 is not okay either.

"it's only 2/3 years" that age gap in adults is totally fine and generally completely unimportant but these are teenagers and when your brain isn't fully developed an age gap of just a few years is pretty important. A three year age gap is the difference between a newborn who can't crawl or say a word and a three year old that can run around and talk almost full sentances. Adults with that gap are the same point in life, the same developmental stage but teens aren't. I'm around Franks age and every single 13 year old I've met has looked about 8 to me. Yesterday a 13 year old girl came into my part time job and started singing the beauty and the beast soundtrack because she saw a red rose and there was no point where I thought "yeah that's hot" because that's a little kid?

And Rick won't give that kid a break because there's also Lazel (Leo/Hazel)

The weird love triangle thing? Because she dated his great grandad?? It was so unnecessary and icky and I swear the only reason that it happened was that Rick didn't know how to flesh out their characters.

Leo hit on every single person without fail and then he reached Hazel who was essentially saying "I have a bf but we could be together if you act nicely"

And they both just kinda suck in every scene, Leo harasses her and then she leads him on (I hate saying that phrase but I do think that's what's happening here) and that just loops.

I just wish Hazel could be single yk? She's 13, she does not need to be in a relationship with anybody??

Next up Jasper/Jiper (Jason/Piper) because who actually likes them

So their relationship was never real in the first place, their memories were altered. But then Piper is so possessive over him and bitchy to anyone who wasn't Jason (like that scene where Percy got hurt and she was like "I feel bad for annabeth but I'm glad it was him and not Jason" wtf was that?)

Considering their entire relationship was a lie and Jason was essentially claimed as hers the second they met, I don't understand why they stayed together. I assumed they had "broke up" when they were at camp because like they didn't know eachother at all (not even an entire day, Jason had a few minutes with her) and weren't trying to talk it out. And then I read moa and literally thought I missed a book bc "why and when tf did they start dating"

They were written so badly and in my opinion they only ever brought out the worst in each other (Piper acting even more 'pick-me-girl-y' than normal and Jason just being far more confused and guilty than normal) because Jason did not know this girl and they never actually spoke about it.

I get why Piper was upset about everything, it is a really shitty situation and that would be real hard to deal with. But the possessiveness and bitchiness drove me crazy and I honestly thinks it's selfish to stay in that relationship.

In all of their ship moments it's just so tacky, you can see how desperate and pushy Piper is and how uncomfortable Jason is. It's like he pities her a lot of the time.

Y'all might be mad about this one but onto Percabeth (Percy/Annabeth)

They were a pretty great pair and in the original series I did like them but then hoo hit and they became fully codependent and so out of character. It was like they weren't Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase anymore, they were just Percabeth. They'd say the most ooc shit ever and then throw in a "seaweed brain" and everyone acted like it was sweet scene.

The way she'd just ask him for help every time she has an issue, the way he was so insistent on looking after her? Yeah the scene where Annabeth threw her knife into the water was cute but Annabeth Chase, the girl full of hubris, anger issues and fight training would never rely on Percy to fight her battles. It was like Rick forgot her personality and just went "yeah she's Percy's smart gf" as if she hadn't been training twice as long as he had

The original series and chalice of the gods had them both pretty in character but I think the love story aspect really took over their lives as soon as they got together.

I've noticed loads of Percabeth fans get really angry when people don't like them but I just think they were so much better as friends and I rlly don't get the hype.

I think both of them just really needed a good friend and I was pretty disappointed when I realized they liked eachother (I didn't realize until Annabeth got mad at Rachel) because I'd always just seen their relationship as platonic yk?

That's probably just me being dense and seeing it how I wanted it to be but I wish more pjo fans would stop acting as if they were the cutest ideal couple. Percabeth fans getting really angry at every other ship involving one of them? Hating Rachel just because she likes Percy? Its so unnecessary

It isn't a bad ship but it wasn't written very well and I think dating erased a lot of their personalities and lives.

Next up is Solangelo (Nico/Will)

So I love these two and I don't think there's much wrong with them but I do think it was very rushed.

If you haven't noticed by this point, I really think Rick put less effort into the characters in heroes of olympus, there were some great scenes and I love the series but a lot of the relationships were written so badly and it felt like he was trying to hard to push the romance, rather than the fantasy/adventure part that he seems a lot better at

I think almost every solangelo fic I've read had been better written, the only reason they were together is Rick's insistance of getting every teenager in a romantic relationship. They met, argued and killed a guy and then Will complimented him. And they were cute but the next we heard from them should've been their relationship growing and not just "that's my boyfriend"

Onto Piper and Shel

Edit: Tbh I think Nico was changed quite a bit to fit with Will? If you compare how he acts before and after meeting Will I think it's pretty different.

So these two felt the most forced out of everyone. It seems like Rick just didn't want Piper to be single, forgot she wasn't in the later books and had to think of something quickly. This is mostly about Piper because Shel is barely even a character, she's just there to show Piper 'moving on' and to show she likes girls.

I don't care that Piper likes girls, I do too, and I would've loved that if we actually got that storyline. But it's clearly forced diversity rather than actually planning her to be that way, and it doesn't feel natural at all. We go from her obsessively pining over Jason to her dumping him to her seemingly wanting him back and after all that I was expecting them to get back together or at least for them to spend some time single to move on but the next time we see Piper she's kissing her girlfriend?

I've seen a lot of people saying that's why she was so desperate to stay with Jason and that that's why their relationship seemed kinda fake but if you read her perspective it really doesn't seem like that's the case. I think calling her a lesbian takes away quite a bit of her personality (like can't she be bi? pan? something that stays accurate to the character??) because absolutely, lesbians can have relationships with men before they figure themselves out but that isn't what happened.

It seems like Piper wasn't over Jason at all and I think dating Shel was her way of trying to move on. (Because whatever chance she had with Jason is obviously gone, her rizz is strong but death is stronger) It's not like I want her to spend the rest of her life alone and sad, but I would've loved some character development that wasn't just shoving her out of the closet. She wasn't over Jason but then he died and she suddenly has a girlfriend? How long were they together??

Like I thought Piper was bi for a while but the way it was written seemed so much like a "her boyfriend left so she's gay now!" rather than the semi-closeted bi mess that she was probably meant to be.

Lastly Gruniper (Grover and Juniper)

The only relationship that isn't weirdly codependent and it's because Rick blatantly forgot about her. Grover liked someone else in chalice of the gods? He was fully ready to cheat on her throughout the book

And just? Why were they ever together?? The first time we meet juniper its through her being Grovers gf. Grover was super underdeveloped as a character, as a friend and as a boyfriend because characters that weren't in relationships got no development but Juniper was literally mentioned less than Rachel's parents. We don't know when where or why they got together, we don't know when they met we don't know ANYTHING about their relationship

[llycaons]

at this point this is my biggest pet peeve in all of fanfiction. yeah annoying tropes and painful cliches and generic characterizations all suck but I can overlook the general quality issues easier than I can overlook this. and I don't even know where it's fucking coming from. one of the few times jc actually does acknowledge wwx and lwjs relationship preres, it's almost sensitive of him. he's trying to be supportive, if floundering a bit bc he can see wwx is miserable and alone.

why do people latch on to the cruelty of his later interactions with them? he's not being brotherly or joking or emotionally-repressed-yet-affectionate when he says really horrible things later, he's just trying to hurt wwx. the contempt he shows for their relationship is genuine, and he never once gives any indication to wwx postres that he secretly supports them or there's a joke to be had. and wwx hates it when jc treats him and lwj like this! he demands apology and pushes back, in canon!

it's just baffling to me that ppl ignore jcs clumsy yet genuine attempt at kindness and instead characterize his interaction with wwx's relationship as exactly the opposite of how he acted when they were on good terms. they're actively making him worse and mischaracterizing wwx in the process. I get that he's prickly and not great with feelings even preres but why would his fans want to portray him so horribly?

it also pisses me off that writers will just have wwx happily accept being treated like shit by jc even though he hates it in canon and in the book he has a whole monologue about being sick of it and wanting better for himself and after a lifetime of cruelty and abuse he's supposed to keep bending over backwards because jc can't bear to take responsibility for his actions?? at his age??? AND I think it ties really insidiously with the trend of treating homophobia as an ironic joke online which is shitty anyway but particularly egregious in a work set in 1963

[acourtofthought]

I was pretty indifferent toward Elain’s character and then at some point the ship wars made me a bit annoyed of her (not the characters fault) which was crazy bc I never truly disliked her. But I still felt like I didn’t know her no matter how much ppl explained her character. So… after having a good mental break from the internet I came back to see if anyone could analyze her character in a way that made sense to me & wasn’t repetitive or preachy. I just… didn’t want fandom nonsense to affect how I felt about a character, esp one who I knew nothing about (and when it’s regarding a ship bc that’s just worse, not to mention v silly!)

Anyway, I came across your blog (and other eluciens) and it has helped me see her character in a way that might not be so easy to notice at first, esp for casual readers (formerly me). It felt like I only ever saw one explanation for why she behaves/reacts a certain way but your blog gives a very diff perspective and I love that bc I couldn’t see it at first. If only I’d ventured out of my gwynriel blogs into elucien blogs back then! I wouldn’t call myself a “Stan” but I do like her very much! And it’s gotten to the point where I now get annoyed when ppl make the same claims about her that i used to think, or they say what’s been said about her for forever. In my head I’m like, “but you don’t know the half of it!” Also, not to mention the fact that it is 100% true that female characters have to “work” a lot harder to be forgiven for even the smallest things and that is absolutely not okay. And idc if it’s a female character (in general) I don’t really like— i still wouldn’t be okay with that.

I’d say biggest thing I got out of your blog (and others) is that I gained a certain amnt of respect for her. And i kno it will only go up for me when her book is out. That was honestly prolly my biggest struggle with her character in the beginning. Her being quiet or enjoying gardening wasn’t a problem to me (although I did wish she’d speak her mind every once in awhile). It was more like.. “Idk what I can respect about her, at least not yet” esp with the comparisons to gwyn. But this is absolutely NOT true for me anymore. I’m finally able to see her outer AND INNER beauty!

I’m so glad though that now I can love both ladies without feeling like they’re up against each other. So thank you!!

Btw the more I think about it the more I’m like.. she reminds me a bit of Penelope from Bridgerton (who I love) so I’m very interested to see her character arc!

Sending lots of love 🫶

Thank you for this message!!! ❤️

It's one of my favorite things to hear, that people that were really not fans of Elain's have come around to her a bit after something I or others might have said.

She's definitely not been as bold as the other FMC SJM has written about and if you like SJMs books, I can understand how that'll turn some people off.

And while she'll never be 100% like Feyre or Nesta or Aelin, you see the little hints that she's already much more than she currently looks to be in the NC.

And I think that's the issue I have with how some view Elain. To them, the thing that makes her happiest is to be gardening and cooking / baking / serving the IC. Where her purpose is to spend her days reassuring Azriel that he's not a big bad man, that he just needs a little love to be the soft gentle boy she knows him as.

And that Elain is horrific to me. I don't read SJM to read about a heroine who's purpose revolves around being a housewife to the male.

There is NOTHING wrong with being a housewife but I'm realistic about what fantasy books with a female POV are about and that's not the point of these kinds of story's. I want to see her grow and become a force to be reckoned with. I don't want her to take a backseat to Azriel, there to make him feel worthy and to tag along for his spy / torture sessions when we get zero hints that's what she wants.

Time will tell but I really hope SJM proves to E/riels that Elain is more than a character used to serve others. A character deserving to have a greater purpose than spending her days reassuring Az over and over that he's not a big bad male whose touch will taint her "immaculate skin". A character deserving of her journey to be told on page and not something that's apparently happened in someone else's book (friends already found, already in love).

[ooglywooglies]

stupid discourse again

i literally cant escape this fucking topic and its driving me fucking insane and i dont have any control so heres some issues i have with the topic on the whole, on both sides

STOP TALKING ABOUT MISANDRY IN TERMS OF OPPRESSION

if youre gonna talk about the problems trans men face FOR BEING MEN dont call it oppression, trans men are not oppressed for being MEN. yes men can be oppressed but it is for another aspect of their identity. i know that transness and manhood are intrinsically linked in trans men, that if they were not men they would not be trans and if they were not trans they would not be men HOWEVER, being treated like a man is not the same as being oppressed. i think misandry is sometimes a valid word to use, only in the context of generally like radfems though because its my opinion gender essentialism and separatism is the main thing that defines radfems. misandry describes a HATRED of men, it doesnt have to be systemic. (it gets misused a lot so im not really advocating for its usage im just giving my perspective)

2. Men Have Problems, Not Worse than Women, But Do Nonetheless

i think the things that tend to affect trans men is MOSTLY just transphobia and misogyny (ill not say transmisogyny bc im not transfem and that term was coined with a specific definition that is not solely the convergence of transphobia and misogyny) and i hate when trans men push back on the idea that they are affected by misogyny because it "gives them dysphoria" like bro you experience misogyny as a result of transphobia, you cannot say that you dont experience misogyny just because you dont like it. men in general are not exempt from experiencing misogyny, this usually happens when men are put down for having traits/interests ASSOCIATED with women. obviously homophobia has its own word but homophobia is sort of rooted in misogyny in the first place

mens problems are generally all rooted in misogyny, trans or not, and trans men experience both mens problems and often regular made-for-women misogyny and especially trans men often get pushed aside and belittled when trying to talk about problems more specific to them. it sort of annoys me when trans men in particular (but it can apply to men in general) try to create a space for themselves to discuss this kind of thing and then people push back on them from doing so because they "dont experience anything worse than what (trans) women experience" and thats the main reason men (trans but and in general, in a broader topic) do feel a need to have a space for themselves because if you share a space of discussing issues with women then youre basically always talking over women and their suffering, and men NEED to care about womens issues if not more than at least as much as their own. people often compare trans men expressing a desire to have this kind of room to MRAs and thats another thing that really bothers me because MRAs were only ever a problem because they blame FEMINISM for their struggles, not the actual cause which is patriarchy (which itself is an arm of capitalism)

3. No One is Listening

the biggest mainest thing is that there are bad actors on BOTH sides of this discourse, and im not saying its trans men vs trans women theres a bit of both on each side ive been reading this shit for weeks bc its taken me this long to develop a perspective im somewhat confident in. theres transmisogynists using the topic to demonize transfems for no fucking reason, and theres people who think its immoral to "choose" to be a man, theres probably terfs fueling the infighting on both sides who fucking knows anymore

and both sides use the fact that the other has bad actors to refuse to listen to each other, like i know no one wants to hear "why cant we all just get along" but like, i keep coming back to this topic but i cant stop thinking about how this discourse BARELY exists outside of tumblr, yknow like is anyone thinking about what the actual problem is or what to do about it or that maybe they should do some self reflection and not act like this is such an us vs them thing

and generalizations, like, when will everyone figure it the fuck out that sharing a gender is not the same as sharing a brain we are not all REMOTELY the same as each other. like one issue we face a lot as trans people is being all lumped in together (not implying some trans people are bad and some are not-like-those Bad OnesTM), we are ALL hurt by being treated like a hivemind whether youre masc or fem or nb, especially because its so easy for any of us to start adopting bio/gender essentialism and separatism like i think theres a reason when we infight were constantly accusing each other of being terfs/radfems its because when we do that and we "other" each other we legitimately become vulnerable to that stuff

(side note not all terfs are a hivemind either they dont all have the same criteria or takes as each other - generally i believe being a radfem is always bad and being a radfem is defined by othering people, not just trans people, not just people that are in a different "rank" from you)

4. what do i actually think

i know im immediately biased because im a trans man and my perspective is therefore inherently limited, and the fact that im a trans man means i am also possibly thinking in my own interest

personally i just started transitioning and im an agoraphobe who only interacts with queer people irl (mostly transfems and grunglers as i have stated on another post) and i was exposed to this tag via the discourse first (the "this idea is inherently wrong" side) and i kinda got sucked into it as a topic because i was like oh thats probably something i should be familiar with and i should have a stance on it if its important

i think ultimately the discourse itself is not really important but its a fair enough topic to try to get into, the main perspective i see from most similar temperamented people is that "the idea that trans men have unique struggles and want to talk about them is fine, but the tag/term theyre using implies a concept that doesnt exist" which is basically my position

i made a post just before that i think "transandrophobia" is a stupid term, mostly because it sounds really dumb, and personally i dont think "transmisandry" is really a valid concept in real life but i think the reason it was initially used is like PURELY a tumblr categorization purpose, maybe there could be a more elegant term but from what ive seen the transandro community is pretty frustrated with the fact that theyve been made to keep switching terms in the first place.

i feel like queer communities on tumblr have ALWAYS had trouble inventing terms for categorization purposes in an annoying and cringy way. and its like maybe i am missing something im not claiming to be infallible or all knowing but i dont think its that big a deal that a term is not 100% intuitive on tumblr dot com

im fucking baffled that this has blown up as much as it has and its like, im not saying none of you people involved have nothing to be mad about i just think its become pretty well divorced from the core issue any why no ones tried to distance themselves from it or block everyone confuses me

i havent moved on or blocked everyone bc a) i got hormone brain worms man i literally cant stop digitally self harming 2nd puberty is awful and b) im not on one side or the other and most people are fairly reasonable just wasting their time or have some wonky arguments, ive been blocking some people but its mostly actual complete assholes

ive been trying my best to avoid using the word misguided bc thats just like inherently patronizing and i think ALL trans people have some very bad feelings about that word but its like... idk some of you are kinda dumb! its not bc of your gender its probably because of your age! i think a lot of people saying the well meaning dumbass shit are like 17-21

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

back on here entirely so i can scream into a void where i feel like nobody can hear bc nobody looks at these that i know personally

i rlly think. that its like ... absolute bullshit that like. i feel like every single person i have ever dated (bar exactly one) has come at me with bad faith assumptions

like. im SO aware that this breakup was nobody's fault and also both of our faults, but it's just. SO insanely frustrating to be seen as the bad person 24/7. like, yes, i did things wrong in this relationship. but i was NOT the only person who made mistakes and it's just like.... somewhat infuriating to not feel heard out

like ... i'm not going to say anything here that could link back identity-wise to who i dated, because the person doesn't deserve that and i sincerely hope the best for said person moving forward.

HOWEVER. venting time! bc i have zero friends i can vent to in private so my nonexistent followers on tumblr get to hear abt it

i think the biggest reason the breakup exactly happened is just straight up miscommunication and mental health conflicts. like ... our first argument was because there was a communication conflict, where i was blind-sided by them bringing up directly that they had an issue with how i was behaving, and due to how my apology was worded, they reacted in bad faith. we both ended up apologizing, and agreed that i needed to be more forthcoming with inviting him to do things with me, and he had to communicate clearer.

i did my best to uphold my part of the agreement we made after our talk, and when i tried three different times to spend actual quality time with him, very directly asking if he still wanted to do it and doing my best to be understanding when he kept brushing me off, even though i was incredibly upset about it. he promised me that he'd do it with me, and then never brought it up again, not even to apologize for not being able to follow through. which made me get a bit resentful, probably also due to my own ptsd making me particularly sensitive about the entire thing. so i decided to drop it until he brought it up first, which i'm fully aware is petty and i should've just SAID something, but tbh i just. that singular moment kinda broke my trust in him to a point. the most frustrating thing to me is that it is not his fault in any way, he'd been going through a HELL of a difficult time, which made me feel like my own issues severely paled in comparison and made me want to just ... wait out my own emotions until i felt better.

in combination with his in-built way of communicating not being one i understand whatsoever, as he is very subtle and passive in communication - which i don't pick up, as i mentioned during the initial argument we had, as i need DIRECT comments instead of like... testing the waters type talking. it's why i don't understand flirting whatsoever in a majority of cases, it's WAY too subtle for me to understand. which again, isn't his fault, but he literally said that he'd try to communicate clearer after the argument. and then didn't. which is again, another thing where i'm like. i understand, it can be really difficult when you aren't used to doing it, but it's just ... frustrating. and i feel like i sound really defensive because like. i am also VERY used to people just straight up manipulating me or talking circles around me in that annoying as hell subtle passive way and then claiming i'm the one in the wrong when everything would be solved if they just. actually told me directly that they need something from me. instead of constantly HINTING at wanting or hoping they get something.

so as a result, he ends up feeling like he's communicating and not getting any response from me, and i end up feeling like he isn't communicating whatsoever and get blind-sided when he gets upset enough to be blunt.

tbh i'm also still like ... ???????????? about how the entire break-up happened, because it's like ... ????

i posted on the current social media that i am active on that i was having a psychotic episode (which i may or may not still be having, who knows. it sure does do a fantastic job of ruining my relationships everytime i have one) and was like. generally using a light-hearted "haha wow this sucks lol can't wait for business as usual to happen once i feel better"

and then slept all day bc my hives got dramatically worse as of recently (probably due to stress + the like) bc my hives being super bad (which. yaaaaaaaaaaaay more prednisone to fix me .... and a change in antihistamines) so i just . get sleepy. because that's what happens when i'm sick. i sleep

and apparently he jumped to conclusions??? and got worried that i was dead because i hadn't been online after making a post about having a psychotic episode???????? which i'm like. fair, considering his issues, but also *where on earth did that assumption come from?*

like.... a) my psychosis isn't the violent type, and i'm very careful to keep myself away from sharp objects if i get even the INKLING of self-harm thoughts, and have never self-harmed or harmed anyone else or anything more severe EVER in the first place

and b) ??????????????????? why are you immediately assuming that my psychosis is the violent kind????????????? like ... ??????

like yes, i know he's like. dealing with his own issues in his personal life and mental health but also . //////?????????...........?????????????????????????????? where on earth did that come from .....

tbh i'm also think i'm just like. upset about how combative he was for the breakup also :) like literally saying that "even my *therapist* said we should break up" as if my own therapist literally didn't allude to the exact same thing ... though ig he's never gonna know about that considering yknow. blocking me directly after breaking up with me (which yknow what. fair. i've done the same thing. still annoying tho)

and to a point during all of this i'm like ............ i am VERY aware that i should be feeling like. worse for him during all of this. but like my empathy is so low rn that i just. physically cannot. i was already doing my best with like . not getting upset at him in the first place bc i didn't want to add to the stress he was going through. and isolating myself so that i didn't snap at anyone bc i'm still being INCREDIBLY irritable (if you cant tell lol)

idk i guess i'm just like. neither of us were in the right in this relationship, and perhaps i am simply having ptsd in the sense of "why the fuck am i being villainized when i wasn't the only one in the wrong here". or perhaps i'm simply insane and trying to make myself excuses like how he claimed me explaining myself during the argument was an excuse. who knows

[jentlemahae]

no you’re right and you should say it!!! sm said they wanted a gg to follow in the footsteps of bp and it’s hilarious (and ironic ig?) bcs they’re doing everything with aespa that yg should be doing with bp. if anything yg should be following sm’s footsteps on how to actually run a business. aespa do have this exclusive vibe but they actually get promoted pretty decently too. and we actually get enough content for fans to get to see their personalities and interactions with each other (yes @ my pinkies this is shade, post one ot4 pic i dare you 🫵😐)

i think aespa is also a great example (that yg should take notes from tbh) of how to have a signature sound and concept without being stagnant by experimenting with the songs. in contrast yg doesn’t do this enough for bp. while i personally will argue that there is some experimentation going on (hylt, lsg, pwf, tally, whistle, shut down etc are all very different songs but they all have that bp core essence) it’s not nearly enough especially for a 7 year old group and that’s made worse by their tiny discography. it would be so easy to take risks too bcs they have a solid fanbase who will stream everything, but yg does not give a fuck!! and it’s so annoying bcs how come every other company has figured it out except for yg???!!!

baemon have potential and from the clips i’ve seen they are very talented but unfortunately they have just debuted in an awful incompetent company who don’t know what they’re doing and they also don’t care either

thank you for this bcs ive said this several times and i always get anon hate afterwards fahshsj but YES !!!! sm’s management of aespa is (obviously) not perfect but it’s very much an improvement on bp’s strategy (which is very clearly what they’re going for)! bubble especially has been so good in that regard bcs since it’s paid and not free it continues this ~exclusive vibe, but it allows fans to see their personalities and make fans actually feel close to them while still maintaining the publicly mysterious agenda

and 10/10 agree on the second paragraph!!! sm is very excellent with that bcs all their artists have a lot of variety in their discography while still maintaining an overall cohesive sound (nct is a great example if this!), while yg has not really been able to. yes, bp actually have quite a bit of variety in sound, but they always have the same formula and because they have such a limited discography, similarities between songs are WAY more apparent. yg always likes to play it safe with their artists and that’s their biggest problem honestly and why they feel so stagnant and derivative. i hope baemon won’t have this issue but given that they are a yg gg i think that’s very likely

[v1ncentzuckz]

"mom, I'm tired.." never related more to a lyric omfg

I wish I could talk to her about my feelings but she never fucking listens it's hilariously annoying. It's like whenever I want to talk the her about things that bother me (wich I rarely even do with anyone it's like every time I try to talk I get interrupted or they talk about their own experiences.) she always finds a way to relate everything I do to HER worries, or she tells me that "this is really dramatic" or "you need to calm down/calm your heart" like omfg PLEASE shut up unrespectfully.

Like one time while I was at school she threw out water bottles I had on my bed under 2 of my pillows (I have three but only put my head on one bc it's the biggest) and she fucking threw the water bottles and kept one I think (i had mike 3 or 4) but it's like I had those there bc at night whenever i need to drink I'm genuinely afraid of the dark like ALOT so whenever i wake up in the middle of the night i can just deink those without getting out of bed. And ik this can be seen as affection for my health but it's actually stupid how it seems she doesn't care about my mental or physical health that much, so I'd doubt it's that like when I try to talk to her, she tries to tell me "it's ok, ik this situation is stressful but we'll find a home 🥺" (bc we're going to have to move soon bc there's going to be a new owner and we might need to find a new house bc my mom has problems with bills I think and like tge new owner will probably prefer iy's someone that can actually pay correctly the bills to make benefits), or how in the past she used to relate it to my father(they're divorced btw) but i'm not even thinking ONE bit about the house, I'm talking about my useful water bottles and how i'd be grateful if you didn't throw them out! Thank you..

And also for the "she doesn't rlly care Abt my physical & mental health " part it's bc like.i first said abt how I can never talk to her about my worries, and for the physical part for example; I have lung issues so i can't run or do extreme exercise for an extended period of time (like running for 1 min is too much for me, by example to show how bad it is) and we do endurance at school every year. (Like run for x amount of minutes and it intensifies every year) Last year was ABSOLUTE HELL doing that, on the test (wich was 20mins of running at ur own pace) and I only got a health certificate this year (back in September( so i wouldn't have to actually run while the exercises and test. She knew about my lungs issues since I was FIVE YEARS OLD. So why do I only get a health certificate this year, WICH I HAD TO REACH OUT TO HER FOR, even though she KNEW about this issue and even didn't me to go on basically EVERY school trips "because of my weak lungs"(and she also has trust issues, so that's also an issue..). The fact those school trips weren't has dangerous for my health as the exercises for gym SHOWS she only cares when it's good for her and makes her feel good or like 'her child is secure' or whatever.. Also! She probably doesn't care that much about my health because I've eaten pizzas from a specific brand for so long in my life (8+ years) so frequently and a lot of other unhealthy and unnoutritious things in my life my health and body is actually really fucked up. Pretty sure I even developed an ed bc of how bad she treats and feeds me and my siblings.

I have a genuine hatred towards her, I know she has childhood trauma, and she was most likely pressured to have children (she was born around the 1980's) but I just can't unhate her, or have full live for her. Our 'home'(even if it doesn't feel like it , at least for me) is so broken I seriously think out of no where how better physically znd mentally i would be if i was adopted or in a good fostee family. I know most of this isn't her fault as this is how she was most likely raised but I'm a child and I can't help but partially hate her for her horrible actions and choices. There's so many wrong things I haven't talked about but this is getting long.

[sovaharbor]

hmm this is not a vent per say but it's related to mental health stuff so. chucking it under a cut. however this time i will not be Deleting it bc i do want it to be a reminder... so anyways

i have this loooovely issue where, when my stress/anxiety baseline is Very High, i will gag! very randomly! i gag a lot on food when i try to eat but i also literally just. while sitting around. will gag. for no reason.

and like the gagging while sitting around i've honestly become pretty desensitized to. but the gagging while eating really sucks!! because i'm an emetophobe!! so it's a really annoying vicious cycle, ykwim!!

but somehow! some way! i have managed to go nearly a YEAR without ever actually puking even a little bit. until tonight. one single bite of the burger my dad got me for dinner, it got stuck in my throat as i forgot how to swallow, and thus the gagging commenced... except this time it got really bad really fast and i puked it out basically lmfao. like. there was a genuine heave, it wasn't my usual cough-gag sort of thing where i do it and simply move on with eating. i did not Continue to puke and didn't necessarily bring anything up from my stomach because #emetophobiawillpower, but it was still gross and uncomfortable

it also turned into a massive panic attack belatedly, like. 30 minutes after the fact. i nearly puked AGAIN and had to call my dad on the phone, while he was in the garage and i was in my bathroom, to ask him to come inside and stand there with me while i tried to calm down. bc one of my biggest fears with my emetophobia is being Alone when i puke?? idk why but it sure is!

but like...i survived that panic attack. and i also survived accidentally puking a little too. it was gross and uncomfortable and i sure did not like it, it SURE ruined my evening, but i survived? it is what it is? that thing happened but now it's over and it's in my past??

idk. it wasn't full-blown puking so i'm not like miraculously cured of my emetophobia, but i think. it was still. a good reminder that like. hey. shit's gross yeah. but it isn't the end of the fucking world your brain makes it out to be.

of course i still absolutely lost my shit during the panic attack because i aaaalways panic when puking feels imminent but like. i'll get there. i willll.

(and also i forced myself to eat 2 kedem biscuits which is honestly miraculous bc i very much was torn on not eating anything at ALL tonight. but. i did that too. im going to bed soon and im gonna wake up and im gonna eat some peanut butter waffles bc i love myself and im gonna have a nice relaxing day tomorrow i think)

[international-sunrise]

hey so you summoned me by talking about Jaeyeol, hi, hello nice to meet you big fan of your blog. Literally two days ago I was complaining to my partner, in lenght and detail, about how Jay is one of those characters that PTJ did so absolutely dirty. My explanation goes as follow:

As a long time Lookism reader, you might have noticed this webtoon contains two major archetypes. The two genders, if you would.

In Lookism, either you're a "Man guy dude", or you're a "Potential Love Interest".

I am not kidding, please keep reading. (The rest is below the cut bc this turned into a Long Boi Post.)

It's no secret that Lookism has... A nearly infinite list of issues regarding the woman characters, be it the younger girls or the adult women. This is because they either 1) Only exist to give the Main Character(s) of the ongoing arc a motivation (Even though most girls fall under this trope, Daniel's mom is the biggest example of this issue, a woman whose name we only found out relatively recently, even though she's been here since the first chapter and has done so much for Daniel!), 2) Only exist to give the Main Character(s) of the ongoing arc a compelling and tragic backstory (A lot of people shit on Heather*. I will defend this poor character until the very end it's Not Her Fault that she was written like that!) or 3) Only exist to make other girls look better or worse.

Literally what the fuck.

These issues above all end up resulting in one thing: None of the girls exist in the story without a man nearby to give them a reason in the narrative, therefore, they only exist to align with one of the existing men's ideologies, plans and goals.

They are "The Potential Love Interest" and most of time, they do not exist outside one of the guys' narrative, unless it's to raise them up. Last time a girl had a story of her own that did not necessarily align with any of the guys goals and motivations (until she meet her Man Guy Dude that is) was Jasmine and look how they forgot about my girl, look how they did her so dirty.

Yeah not even Mary is free from this. PTJ should let her murder someone I think she earned it.

Not even the antagonists are free from this. I legitimately believe they got it even worse, since they are "with the baddies" and therefore "deserve" every horrible trope being thrown at them and a total amount of zero sympathy. Mitsuki being obsessed with Sinu and then being "rescued" by the story's Most Annoying And Insufferable Man and then being fired from her position due being "emotionally unstable" (DUDE?!?!?!?!?). Vivi being EXILED and living isolated from everyone and everything she knows because it was that or letting Xiaolung die but that's ok bc it was Her Choice (AND THEN HE???? STILL MANAGES TO ESCAPE THE EXILE??? BECAUSE HE WAS NEEDED SOMEWHERE ELSE??????????). Yes they both commited crimes that go against the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, what about it, that should give you even a bigger reason NOT to make their Ultimate Weakness be some wet cat of a dude that Likes Her Very Much And Wants To See Her Happy :'(

On the other side, we get the "Man guy dude". Characters who get to be characters on account of them... Being men.

They get motivations and goals and backstories and friendships and allyships and enemies and struggles to overcome that don't neccessarily involve a girl they like (even though it is a repeated offender of a motivation...). They get agency and sometimes even a bit of depth and complexity if PTJ is in the mood. They get families, shitty ones 90% of time but they get them. They get stories that stand on their own.

... Do you see where I'm going.

The reason why, to me, Jaeyeol is such a poorly written character, is because he gets to be in both categories of "Man guy dude" and "Potential Love Interest" while getting... None of the perks and all of the cons of both categories.

Jaeyeol doesn't get to be a character of his own, with his own story (proper story, not hints of a backstory that might or might not be revealed depending on how relevant it is to the plot and Daniel's further development!!), his own goals and motivations, friends and family, depth and morals. No PTJ you don't get to "He's Daniel's friend who dislikes figthing even though half the time we get to see him he's figthing someone to protect Daniel" this away, that's not a character THAT'S A COP-OUT. All of that is obscured in order to always give Daniel an emergency exit (THAT ISN'T EVEN CONSISTENTLY PRESENT IN ALL OF THE ARCS WHEN DANIEL DID DESPERATELY NEED AN EMERGENCY EXIT), a deus ex machina or an ally that won't ever, ever question any of his choices and still put himself in danger in order to protect his beloved friend.

That's not a character, that's a shovel to dig a tunnel if you ever write yourself into a corner. I get to say this, I'm a writer.

However, Jaeyeol also doesn't get to be a proper "Potential Love Interest" even though he checks a lot of boxes for this one category. Quitting smoking, getting over his fear of dogs, being always a call away to help Daniel in both his bodies, returning to a trainer that he probably hated and was originally forced to go to so that he might get stronger and save the one he cares about... Like I don't even have to mention the coma incident and you get the idea. The only other character that has gone through such lenghts in order to make Daniel happy... Is literally his own mother.

You know what do Park Seonhui (Daniel's mom) and Hong Jaeyeol have in common, as characters? They only appear when Daniel needs to make an important Character Development Moment for which he needs the Extra Motivation. And they always get hurt by or for him, both emotionally (Seonhui) and also physically (Jaeyeol).

And yes. They could be after all, just friends, because not everything needs to be romantic and Daniel sort of needs a friend who doesn't gets into fistfights in order to communicate his feelings (platonic, romantic, whatever) to him.

(... Even though he was the one doing the beating up this time around.)

That still doesn't remove the issue of how, when you remove Daniel out of the picture, you barely get an outline of what a character is supposed to be when it comes to Jaeyeol. Because outside of existing for Daniel's sake, he, as a character, hasn't been explored. Like, at all.

And to make things worse, we don't even have another character we could use to compare Jaeyeol's behavior towards Daniel. Shit, Joy doesn't even appear anymore! His older brother Kitae vanished into thin air! His dad hates him! We don't even know if he's got a mom! Only very recently we finally got him "interating" with characters that are Not Daniel(tm) and it was mostly them acknowledging him with the respect of an equal... Only for him to get beaten up just a couple of chapters later.

Also don't think I didn't notice PTJ forgot to draw him in the zoom-out scenes. My man literally vanished into thin air.

Will Jaeyeol ever get to EXIST outside being a convenient plot device in order to develop Daniel's character? Or will he, until the bitter end, only be a cruel example of how characters in this story can get painfully devoted to something that's only a shell?

On Jay (Why It Makes Me Sad)

Five reasons why I want justice for this character.

Daniel is my ultimate bias in this webtoon, and I always cheer for him (mostly for the real Daniel), having so long seeing him as the underdog. However, with the webtoon's increasingly greater focus on Daniel's growth, both physically and mentally, I think I've lost sight on the injustice suffered by fans of other characters. I think of myself as a selfish, cruel fan, who enjoys my fave character's development at the expense of other people's suffering. And I'm sorry for that.

I'm talking about Jay.

First, it's just not fair for PTJ to suddenly bring Jay back into the foray only to assist in Daniel's struggles and then be defeated dismissively. Jay is a character whose formidable strengths as a fighter was introduced very early in the story, as was his tenacity and his loyalty.

Second, and most importantly, to me it's not fair for PTJ to abandon Jay after introducing his backstory as an emotionally abused minor.

Sometimes PTJ follows through with explaining the impacts of abuse. Eli's and Samuel's abusive backstories have real repercussions on how they grow as people and how they treat others. In other times, as in the case of Jasmine, PTJ drops the plotline completely after introducing it. I hope that this won't be the case with Jay, since his backstory is connected with Steve Hong, Charles Choi's bitterest business rival and Daniel's secret backer.

Third, while I'm not invested in the Jay x Daniel ship, I'm sad about the hatred that some fans show Jay because of his sexual orientation, gentleness, and/or muteness. I wish that there was more generic way for PTJ to incorporate Jay more into the story. His search for Big Daniel, for example, and his struggles in doing so. After all, wouldn't this sort of thing make an interesting arc in a story that's bordering on the thriller genre?

Fourth, it disappoints me that we can't we see Jay build friendships with other characters more. I really enjoy seeing him interact (in silence, but still) with Vin, Jihan, Jibeom, and Hudson in this arc and in the arc before (Holiday Pt 2). I was surprised at how kind and understanding Hudson, Jibeom, and Jihan were to Jay, and how relaxed Vin treated him. Why can't see more of that? Doesn't Jay deserve this development as an OG character who's been there since forever in this story?

Fifth, personally as someone who enjoys reading the duel scenes, I wish to see more representation of weapon users in the story. With an increasingly bizarre techniques (some fans say that Jake's drug lord brother uses pankration; an ancient, brutal form of Greek wrestling) being introduced in the story, Xiao Long's absence and Goo's involvement in Manager Kim, I miss seeing Jay fighting, and in detail. Arnis is a formidable martial arts, after all, and he's really good at it.

Justice for Jay.