#it's a big'un

[egginfroggin]

Hey so I started a comic in December

Picked it up again for a week, then dropped it for a month, now I'm trying to pick it back up again

Someone kick me over the weekend, I hope to post this in or by July

Wish me luck, it has gotten. long. and comics are something I have done little of, so! We're learnin' stuff, oh boy!

Thank you for stopping by!

[gentil-minou]

what to do when your outline is 3k+ words and not even close to done

[direwombat]

another wip wednesday another dollar. tagged by the beloved @socially-awkward-skeleton

got a couple things cookin' on the stove, so to start, here's a bit towards the end of katc ch 7 wherein shaw is helping syb escape st francis after her emergency appendectomy. still very rough/unedited (as evident by an instance of brackets) and subject to change but here's something

“Because I made a mistake and now I’m trying to fix it.” He grips her by the shoulders and squeezes them tight. Firmly, he says, “Listen to me: Augustine is alive. You need to find him.”  

In a flash, she grabs him by the collar and drags him towards her. “Where is he?” she snarls -- teeth bared, eyes narrow. She shakes him for good measure. “Where the fuck is he?” 

He lifts his hands in a placating gesture. “I don’t know,” he says. “Most likely somewhere in the Valley or Henbane.” 

“So help me, if you lyin’…” She has no idea how she's going to finish that threat -- just that it involves excessive and horrific violence.  

“I’m not! I’m just --” he cuts himself off at the sounds of low chatter and approaching footsteps. “Someone’s coming. Get on the truck. You need to hide. Now!” 

With a harsh shove, her back falls onto the bed of the truck, and her legs are quickly swept into the air as the man lifts the tailgate. She rolls onto her belly and crawls between white boxes bearing the symbol of Eden’s Gate. The motions press and pull at the tender skin of her abdomen, held together by a series of sutures. She bites her tongue to prevent herself from hissing through her teeth. Once she’s nestled herself between two that have been securely strapped down, her rescuer throws a tarp over cargo, further obscuring her from view. 

As he finishes securing the covering, the approaching footsteps come to a halt near the truck. “Brother Shaw,” drawls a feminine voice. The name tickles her brain with a sense of familiarity, but she brushes it aside. She’s had so many fleeting interactions with people in her time as a deputy sheriff. It isn’t out of the realm of possibility this Shaw was one of them. 

“We missed you at the service this evening,” the woman continues. “Is everything alright?” Her light and airy tone is belied by a cruel sneer; spoken like a high school hall monitor with an inflated sense of authority. The unspoken observation and threat are plain as day: You weren’t where you were supposed to be. Do I need to tell the higher ups about this?

“Sister,” Shaw greets curtly. “I may not have been at the chapel, but I had my radio tuned to the same frequency as everyone else. Someone had to make sure the trucks were loaded with supplies to aid in the siege against the sinners held up at the jail.” 

“And was this a direct order from the Herald?” 

“The Deputy butchered my whole squad tonight, Emily,” Shaw says tersely. “Forgive me if I wasn’t in the mood to sing and rejoice in preemptively celebrating the Project's victory.” Sybille’s eyes go wide. Could it be? The same man who’s helped drag her to freedom is the same one who found her at the ranger’s station and brought her here in the first place? “Unless Brother Jacob specifically asked after my absence, then I have nothing more to discuss with you.”

“And if he did?” The woman’s voice pitches higher; her arrogant posturing rapidly crumbles at the slightest challenge.

“Then I will explain myself to him.” 

[A beat]

“You should’ve died with your squad,” Emily sneers. “Only a weakling and a coward would abandon their brothers in arms like that. I don’t even know why the Herald keeps you around. You should have been culled with the rest of ‘em.” 

bonus snippet 1: from a scene that possessed me the other day wherein jacob and syb are stuck in a bunker and they're talking about their daddy issues (and what they want to leave behind/how they want to be remembered). which is to say. this is the closest to therapy they'll ever get <3

"Told myself I'd never end up like my old man. Sooner put a bullet in my head than wind up old and miserable like he was. But shit happens and then suddenly…" [Jacob] trails off, his thumb idly playing with the tab.

"Suddenly you seein' 'im every time you look in the mirror," Sybille supplies. She proceeds to down the rest of her beer. She crushes the can under her palm and lets out a loud belch.

"Yeah," Jacob says lamely, and he does the exact same thing.

She reaches back into the 24-pack of lukewarm bunker beer. "Wanna'nother one?"

"Please."

bonus snippet 2: from the jakesyb bliss-induced-sex fic :)c

“What the fuck is this?”

“Oh! I’m so glad you asked!” [Faith] grins. “I’m doing some…hm, what’s the term for it? R&D?”

“R&D?” Jacob parrots. 

“Yup!” She lifts the leash and waves it in her hand, the motion making the tags on Sybille’s collar jingle. “Doing some testing on a new strain of Bliss. One to store for when we emerge in New Eden. That'll…” she bites her lip, contemplating her words, “...help us repopulate.” 

He comes to an abrupt halt, just out of reach. Faith’s words knock the bluster from him. “What?” 

“I don’t know how to put it more simply, Jacob. It’s a strain of Bliss meant to help encourage procreation.” 

“You’re making an aphrodisiac?” he states dumbly. 

She clicks her tongue and scoffs. “A vulgar way to put it, but yes.”

“And you’ve used the Deputy as a guinea pig.”

“Mm-hm,” she nods, “as one, yes.” 

“And this is a gift to me, how?” 

Faith cocks her head to the side. “Do you not like it?” She frowns. “I dressed her up all nice for you and everything.” 

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@florbelles, @statichvm, @fourlittleseedlings, @wrathfulrook, @harmonyowl,

@ivymarquis, @carlosoliveiraa, @cassietrn, @confidentandgood, @strafethesesinners,

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@josephslittledeputy, @aceghosts, @adelaidedrubman, @finding-comfort-in-rain, @voidika,

@strangefable and anyone else who wants to share a wip today <3

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

How my final Smuffmas fic is going:

I am about halfway through. I told you she was meaty.

[melissa-titanium]

wrghfhf OKAY UHMM

where does trout live? and does she have any family living with or near her? or in general

ive seen the dragonss big dragon world where does she fit in there. like what is she. what is their society like if they have one. would she interact with other animals or would her society be kept to others like her?

i sawww something mentioned about her being a past life to. uh. i forgot their names i know mel is there but how did she die if she does and also if its not the same where did she get the scar?

also not technically a question and also not about trout but kinda do u have a picture of mel's sister i saw u mention her and i was interested. u know me. u know how i feel abt siblings.

whos her fishy familiar whatre they like. are they more like a pet or a friend or both?

ive been using periods as question marks whoops. also uhm what is her relationship with all the other ppl and. their lives and whatever

whats her favorite food? color? animal? what is she interested in? what are her hobbies? yknow the basics

i know shes. trout. and those are freshwater. but does she like whales? like whale whales. im just curious. actually how does she feel about whales, sharks, even orcas. stuff like that.

OMG. OMG. OMG. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK. WAIT. WAIT WAIT. IM FUCKING C;RAZY THANKUOU SO SO SO OSOS M UCH I LOVE ANS;WERING SHIT ABOUT MY STUPID OCS *CRIESSSSSSSSSSHGIJGFKGSERIJ*

where does trout live? and does she have any family living with or near her? or in general

OK SO FUNNY THING ABOUT REPRODUCTION IN MY WORLD. there doesnt actually need to be Two parents to Make A Child Exist. there can be one. three. twelve. billions. doesnt matter. because the source of life in this world are called lovebugs that essentially incubate souls that are ready to be recycled... the only motive they need to initiate the incubation process is some form of desire from an outside source to have that thing Exist, and boom, it will.

so basically, she doesn't have any "biological" family. lovebugs didn't incubate her soul because anyone wanted them to, it was basically like. okay. you know jesus? from the bible? yeah. that's basically what happened to trout. except whats different about her is that she was born from... like... the will of the god of the universe herself (cadie, cici. yeah the god of my universe is my cat) and somewhat from the people of that world at the time.

basically the desire of the masses to have the return of magic culminated so much hope and "desire" into existence that trout just... boom. became real.

to ACTUALLY answer your question though, trout doesn't actually have parents. she hopped across orphanages and foster homes until she was able to bind her soul to an object (long story) and then, seeing her power, the higher status seaskimrs kind of adopted her like "hey she would make a great personal guard to the royal family"

the closest thing to family though? oryx. he's her anxious deranged ghost uncle who projects his existence onto her through time bullshit soul magic.

ive seen the dragonss big dragon world where does she fit in there. like what is she. what is their society like if they have one. would she interact with other animals or would her society be kept to others like her?

OMG OK WAIT SO . FUNNU THING ABOUT THIS. TROUT'S ERA HAPPENS AT THE V E R Y END OF MEL'S SOUL THREAD... MEANING MOST OF THE DRAGONS ARE GONE BY THIS POINT. but AHAAAAAA WAIT !!!! since the world exploded, set on fire, exploded again, and then Flooded (thats why seaskimrs, creatures like trout, are the most populous intelligent species on the planet) tasreradian society managed to sustain some of their society, but alot of it was still lost (the current tasrerads don't even know that the shore dwelling tasrerads existed)

to the seaskimr society, tasrerads are something of lorekeepers. now having to go deeper into the ocean, they've become long-living megafauna. not a SINGLE tasrerad is left from mel's time, but a good ass portion of their history is written in ye olde dragon runes. seaskimrs don't interact a whole lot since tasrerads dwell very very deep in the ocean and rarely come up... but they're chill when they do! trout was born during the period of time where tasrerads come up for their routine (every decade? not sure!) transaction of knowledge. the tasreradian elder take great interest in telling stories to seaskimr younglings, and trout never forgot a single tale.

i sawww something mentioned about her being a past life to. uh. i forgot their names i know mel is there but how did she die if she does and also if its not the same where did she get the scar?

OMG OMG SHES !!! SHES ATUALLY MEL'S FUTURE LIFE iamsosorry if iworded that wrong somewhere i know i always say mel's past lives when in reality mel has One past life. everyone else comes after. help me. i need to finish the loredoc ohhhh my god

SHE !!! well. kind of dies? more like gets punted into purgatory after literally becoming god at some point for a reason i havent really worked out yet. we'll get to that *smiles*

AS FOR HER SCAR..... equally a little vague. in her old story, she got mauled by. this sounds insane but also all of the aquatic creatures from the past eras got like dangerously bigger. she got mauled by a HUGE FUCKING TROUT which earned trout her name!!! (yeah i think in her old lore getting mauled made her transition . ? help)

in her new lore tho. i think it would make the most sense for malibu to be the one to dismember & scar her? or maybe mel. tho i think malibu makes more sense. malibu being burned on accident and being like I NEED TO GET BACK AT THIS BITCH. because to trout, malibu is a reminder of her terrible curse & to malibu, trout is a reminder of a terrible experience that basically lead to the death of her grandmother (a whole other story so i'll just leave it at that)

regardless. unlike mel, she never gets a prosthetic :)

also not technically a question and also not about trout but kinda do u have a picture of mel's sister i saw u mention her and i was interested. u know me. u know how i feel abt siblings.

HELL YEAH I DO!!!!!!!!!!!! i havent finished her ref yet Sigh but.... the queen <3 epic spoilers! she's the one who kills mel :)

whos her fishy familiar whatre they like. are they more like a pet or a friend or both?

IM GONNA BE HONEST I HAVENT TOTALLY WORKED THIS OUT YET !!!

it acts as something of a... puppet. an entity that can pass through time to act as a gateway, HER gateway, to the past. which is where she meets oryx! the soulless remnants act as entities outside of time, so when she befriends one (this funny little fish who i dont have a name for yet LOL) she's able to puppeteer it's body and project herself and some of the world around it (including her voice!) into the past. which is how she's able to hear, see, and communicate with oryx. does that make sense? LOL

BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION. it's both :) trout is a "roll with the punches" kinda gal so she didn't really question the presence of half-existing entities that only she could see and just interacted with them as she would with a normal not dead person.

ive been using periods as question marks whoops. also uhm what is her relationship with all the other ppl and. their lives and whatever

HM HM HMMM. okay let me think.

mel - she feels pity for him at first. imagine existing for that long, literal eons stewing in your hate, refusing to let go of a grudge for people that have long forgotten about you? she essentially manages to talk him down from the ledge, something mira failed to do all those eras ago.

the reason trout came in the very last thread of mel's soul is because of how similar the two are. mel surpressed the "trout" part of himself so ferociously that she literally could not exist until oryx BLOCKED HIM from influencing her time in any way shape or form. mel hated, HATED, HATED trout, more than he hated his mom, those who looked down on him, the world, more than he hated himself. which is why his reconciliation with her is such a crucial part of both their character arcs, because truly trout is just mel in a less gristly, bloody font. he's like her deranged grandpa in some way.

when she resets the timeline he's glad to be the only one to remember her.

whats her favorite food? color? animal? what is she interested in? what are her hobbies? yknow the basics

food? she really likes spicy stuff. is eating tilapia cannibalism? maybe, but she doesn't really have a reason to care, all of her past lives were cannibals.

she REALLY likes green. like a soft, gentle sage. salmon pink is a close second.

she likes pufferfish and hammerhead sharks... she thinks theyre funny :)

BIG FAN OF MECHANICS AND BOMBS. bombs especially. it sometimes concerns her peers how excited she gets about stuff like the discovery of remains from those nuclear explosions several eons ago. she loooves pulling things apart and seeing what new stuff she can make with them. guns are a big second fave too! thats why her soulbound object (which can shapeshift. yeah she's a special one) is usually some kind of big impossible gun. she likes to try and dissect it and see how much of it is magic and how much of it is mechanics.

i know shes. trout. and those are freshwater. but does she like whales? like whale whales. im just curious. actually how does she feel about whales, sharks, even orcas. stuff like that.

SHE LOVES WILDLIFE. she's not like, crazy obsessed with animals but if you asked her if she wanted to go to the aquarium she would never say no. she likes predatory animals the most, i don't know if she would have ever seen an orca before but whales are a tasreradian delicacy so she's definitely eaten whales before, and likes to watch sharks sometimes.

ALSO WAIT FUNNY DETAIL. she's actually anadromous, which means she's both freshwater AND saltwater which is why she lives in the sea :)

[writer86]

Perhaps a little stung by Shadowheart's lack of trust, their gith ally is quick to try and reassert herself as someone with something to offer:

"We are nearing the helm," she says sharply. "Once inside, do as I say."

But again, Shadowheart is not inclined to give her the time of day:

"Who put you in charge? I'll trust my own judgement."

"Kainyank," the gith spits with enough venom that Selene hardly needs a translation. Neither, it seems, does Shadowheart, who's opened her mouth to bite back.

"Not worth it," Selene murmurs softly, pushing between them and heading for the next door. She's pleased to hear the other two follow her lead. She is somewhat less pleased with the sight on the other side of the door.

It's absolute mad chaos:

Cambions, imps, hellboars have boarded through gaping holes. Clearly, the presence of a Nautloid in Avernus has attracted their attention. If they can claim this vessel for themselves, it's another tool they can use in their endless Blood War. Meanwhile, the Illithid are trying desperately to defend their own. Casualties on both sides as one of the flayers turns to Selene and her compatriots and demands:

Thrall. Connect the nerves of the transponder. We must escape. Now.

The gith is still trying to give orders: "Do it. We will deal with the ghaik after we escape."

Even Us is excited about this: Connect the nerves! Nerves! We will connect them!

But the moment Selene locked eyes on the Cambion commander, nothing else mattered. If he could lay claim to this ship, he could dimension-jump as they had done to get here. The Blood War would no longer be contained to Avernus. That cannot happen.

As the gith charges headlong for the transponder - scattering imps and hellboars in her wake - Selene instead comes into range of the Cambion and engages, to bewildered expressions from the Cambion, the mind flayer, and Shadowheart. But Shadowheart sees the fire in Selene's gaze and understands - they've lost her until the Cambion is dead.

"Gith!" she shouts. "We've lost her! She isn't following!"

The gith woman glances back, swears excessively, shouts, "Have you lost your mind?" But she moves to engage the Cambion as well. Us destroys the remaining imps, then hovers nervously at a distance, plaintively asking if they ought to connect the nerves instead.

Selene does not hear - cannot hear - until the Cambion falls. Then, it's irrelevant because the Mind Flayer concludes: You are no longer needed. The fight continues, Shadowheart is knocked senseless, but in the end the Mind Flayer falls too.

"The transponder," the gith snarls, "if you are done wasting our time."

Two fresh Cambions enter and Selene turns to face them. Battered, bloodied, she knows she cannot let this invasion happen while she still breathes. She squares her shoulders and turns to engage. Behind her, she hears the gith shout, "K'chakhi!" but it barely registers. There's a pause, tension in the air as she moves toward her enemy. A hint of heat at her back. One of the Cambions laughs at her. The next moment...

... the Nautloid rocks sharply, Selene is thrown off her feet and across the room. She hits the wall with a grimace, next to a gash torn open by the dragons...

A Mind Flayer sits opposite her and they trade glares for a moment before - wham - a bit of debris collides and

Selene falls. It takes a moment to process this. She tries again to loose her wings and again finds she cannot. It's an amusing thought, she ends on: if her wings are lost to her... is her immortality as well? Before, she could have survived this fall; what else has this parasite robbed her of? She takes a deep breath, steadies herself, ready for the end, it it should come.

It doesn't. Something catches her at the last moment. She bobs, bewildered in midair for a moment, given just long enough to lift her head as the magic fades and she's deposited on the beach. It's been a very long half an hour, she thinks to herself... and lets her eyes fall closed for... she isn't sure how long...

[stopfunkinwmyheart]

Short term I’d like to see the largest treez in my area, long term I just want to travel far and wide seeing all of the largezt treez

[faxeysama]

Someone anyone please send me some shiny hunting luck! I've been hunting for a shiny jumbo Applin for what feels like forever, and every single one I've caught is just below the mark 😭

[lewis-winters]

just saw your tags and trans speirs is so big brained oh my god i'm obsessed

She's a delight to have rotating in my brain like a rotisserie chicken, I gotta say.

[writer86]

“The ship won’t be able to take another dragon attack!” Selene observes as one of the dragons flits past an opening torn in the Nautloid’s hull. But they’re moving forward as best they can. Moving upward when no further doors present themselves in the direction Us wishes to guide them. The next room contains a little bit of everything-

-consoles, chairs with alive-but-unconscious people, and another couple of pods, one of which contains someone very much alive and conscious. Alarmed, pounding at the barrier between herself and freedom, crying “Let me out!”

Selene approaches the console directly ahead of her. The console to the left, she deciphers to mean: Unleash. The one to the right, Annihilate. She squints intently at the one in the center, but can’t quite decipher it. Regardless, Unleash feels like what she’s trying to accomplish. She presses that button:

*Psionic energy radiates from the prisoners, but they do not react.*

Selene frowns, unwilling to Annihilate, or to try that which she could not decipher. If these people can be helped, she will not be the one to do it. With a sigh, she moves on to the conscious captive. She’s certainly very lively:

“You!” she shouts. “Get me out of this damned thing!”

Selene steps closer, but her gith ally is not so eager to help:

“We have no time for stragglers.”

“Straggler suggests someone who’s falling behind an established party,” Selene answers coolly. “She cannot straggle if she cannot join. If we can open this pod, we may gain another ally.”

[Look for a latch that might open the lid.]

*The construction is too alien. Nothing looks familiar.*

Again, Selene’s gith ally proves impatient with the delay: “This ship is crashing. Do you intend to die for a stranger?”

“I took a Nautloid teleporting tentacle for one,” Selene answers lightly. Then, to the woman in the pod, she says, “I’ll look around - there must be some way to get this thing open.”

“Try that contraption next to the pod - they did something to it when they sealed me in. Hurry! Please!”

Selene studies the console for a moment, but *The console appears dormant.* She tries to make out anything in this mess of living tissue that might look like a switch or a release and nothing exactly jumps out at her… but wait. There. That looks like an empty socket. Selene frowns thoughtfully, considering its shape. She doesn’t have anything that fits it - yet.

“I’ll check the other room,” she reassures the trapped woman; meanwhile, her gith friend is muttering incessantly under her breath, no doubt any number of unkind things about Selene taking this much time for someone who’s trapped. Selene ignores her.

In the next room, an Illithid chest catches her attention and she’s slightly surprised to find it open. Even more surprising…

“Oh, hello Beautiful,” Selene murmurs, lifting Celestial Thorn from amid a smattering of other weapons, armor, and other items. “Personal belongings of the captured, I think,” she adds to the gith. “This is mine.”

The gith glares back at her. “And? What good will it do you if the ship goes down because you delayed too long?”

With a slight shrug of her shoulders, Selene pulls a sword from the chest - glowing with a radiant light Selene finds both a little familiar and a little comforting - and tosses it to the gith. The woman catches it, stares at it, then glares at Selene.

“I have a sword,” she says sharply.

“And now, until such time as its former owner sees fit to reclaim it or die trying, you have a better one,” Selene answers with a grin.

She fishes through the chest a moment longer before the gith voices an impatient sound and says, “I believe this may be what you are looking for.”

Selene half-turns to find the gith holding a peculiar rune that does in fact appear to be the right shape to fit into the console beside the trapped woman’s pod.

“Ah, good eye,” she says with a smile.

“Chk,” the woman answers in disdain. “If you will waste our time for a stranger, I can at least see to it you waste as little as possible.”

“I knew you cared about something,” Selene snarks back, snatching the rune as she passes, and leading the way back toward the sealed pod. Once there, she fits the rune into the slot and the console hums to life.

[Arcana] Take a closer look at the powered-up console. Crit Fail.

Nothing in the appearance of the device betrays its purpose. It could do anything.

And yet, the woman inside did say they had messed with the console when they put her in it. Selene takes a breath… and puts her hand on the console:

*Suddenly you feel a hideous squirming in your head. The parasite. Then the discomfort fades, and another sensation washes over you. Connection. Authority.*

[Illithid][Wisdom] Will the pod to open. Success. *You feel the biomechanical brain of the console process your command… and yield to it. A shiver runs across your mind… you feel sated.*

Not an entirely comforting feeling, if Selene is honest with herself. But the pod hinges open much like Selene's own did so recently.

A graceful landing, Selene thinks to herself in mild amusement as she approaches the half-elf and offers a hand to help her stand.

With a grateful smile to Selene, she says, “I thought that damn thing was going to be my coffin. Thank you-“

*Your mind lurches into her thoughts. Her gratitude is mixed with wariness - because you have a gith with you.*

Again, the same feeling of a shared connection, as Selene witnessed her thoughts and feelings, so the other woman has sensed hers. And each is aware of the exchange. Her gith ally too has witnessed the caution, and wishes her displeasure known; she crosses her arms as the other woman speaks:

“You keep dangerous company,” she says with a suspicious side-eye at the gith.

Selene nearly laughs at this assessment, as she herself is - or was recently - extremely dangerous company. Instead, she just says, “Dangerous company’s what you need in a fight.”

Fair point,” the woman concedes. “Looks like there’s plenty of fighting ahead. Let me come with you. We can get off this ship, and watch each other’s backs along the way.”

“All right then, let’s get going. I’m Selene Windcaller.”

There’s a flicker in the other woman’s expression, as though the name sounds familiar, but she can’t place why. Then she says: “Shadowheart. One moment…”

She returns to her pod and retrieves an odd device from within. As with the Nautloid itself, Selene finds her curiosity piqued.

“What’s that?” she asks.

Shadowheart’s answer is a little too aggressive to be entirely believed: “It’s nothing. Trust me.”

But their gith ally is well past done with this distraction:

“Enough of this chatter,” she snaps irritably. “We need to get to the helm. Now.”

“She’s right,” Shadowheart agrees with a slight smile. “Lead on.”

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 20 🍒

"Baby Loves Me"

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 8,823 (she's a big'un)

Summary: A blizzard, a wedding, family secrets, and two people who can't stop thinking about each other. Are these fateful events going to drive you apart for good, or bring you even closer together?

(Warnings contain spoilers beneath the cut)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 39, Joel is 56), takes place a few days before Christmas 2023, mention of eating food/drinking alcohol, mention of health issues, oral (m & f receiving), Ellie has anger issues, use of guns for recreational shooting, jealous!Joel, mutual pining, reader wears makeup and dresses, unprotected piv, creampie, TW for minor heart attack and hospitalization (everything is okay in the end), getting back together and having a happily ever after. In this universe everyone is alive and happy.

Author's Note: this series was the first story I ever posted on AO3 and then recently here on tumblr. I had no idea so many people would love it, and it's currently my most liked, most commented-on, and most bookmarked work on AO3 ♥️ It feels so good to finally have this complete, but I will write some one-shots about this couple in the future, because part of me really doesn't want to let them go. Much love to those who stuck around and showed their support while I got this story hammered out. I love and appreciate all of you!

Please enjoy this playlist for your listening pleasure, songs that either appear in the series or provided inspiration

Series Masterlist

It's early when Joel wakes, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he puts his hand to his heart, eyes scrunched closed tight as he prepares himself for the increasingly painful palpitations. He grunts in suffering at the agony of the erratic pounding of his heart, body tense until it passes, and he sighs with relief, head in his hands as he runs his fingers through his greying locks.

It's been almost a week now that he's had these pains, happening every day now that Sarah's wedding day is nearing. He gets them on and off but lately stress has been catching up to him and reminding him he's not in his thirties anymore. Hell, he'd give anything just to be in his forties again.

He gets up to get a glass of water, quickly throwing on a shirt before going downstairs. The house is quiet though he can see the electric glow of the television light on underneath yours and Ellie's rooms. He hesitates just outside of your room, putting an ear to the door, hoping to catch some tidbit of your voice, some clue as to what you're doing in there, but it's quiet, just the low volume of something playing on TV.

With a sigh he goes down to the kitchen.

Alone with his thoughts, affected by the presence of you and Ellie under his own roof, he takes stock of his life, of all the moments he failed you when he should have been there for you.

That first night he set foot back in Austin after serving time in the Bexar County jail, wondering if he should call you, he'd gone instead to a bar and met Hailey. He didn't recognize her at first, but she'd come on so strong, and the alcohol ran freely that night, so by the time he'd taken her home and her warm, tight little mouth was wrapped around his cock, it was too late. He didn't expect that that one night would lead to her wanting more, but by then you were gone, tucked back safely away in Houston where he couldn't get his hands on you and where you could (he'd hoped) in time forget about him. You were too much of a good girl with too much potential to waste it on someone like him. Hailey was someone who was always going to be stuck in a small town, so he didn't have to worry he was holding her back. But he soon came to realize that all they had between them was fucking. Not that he'd ever minded it in the past, but after having you, experiencing what real love was like, what Hailey offered felt like a cheap replacement, and he just wasn't that man anymore. He knew Sarah hated her, so when he caught Hailey stealing from him he knew that was the last straw and ended things.

Sad to say he went back to his usual routine from before he met you. Working from sunup to sundown, coming home with new aches in his joints to a meal Sarah had had to cook herself, or pizza that had gone cold. On the weekends he'd be at the bar, either with Tommy or more often alone, and he'd find a woman and wind up at her place. He could never bring them back to his, not in his bed that he shared with you.

Seeing you in New Orleans that summer night had been a shock to his system. He thought he'd managed to get over you just a little, but seeing you, a little older than the last time, looking soft and happy and bright-eyed as you laughed with Tommy.. and that fucking rock on your finger that signaled you were taken. Something primeval in him stirred when he ran into you in that restroom hallway, your lips full and glossy from making out with his brother, jealousy surging through him that you'd be so willing to cheat on your husband-to-be with someone other than himself.. it led him to want you more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

Leaving you the next day had been the hardest thing, but he had to remind himself you were going to belong to another. He couldn't get in the way of that, not when he'd only shown his love for you by fucking you in a bar restroom. You were going to marry a military man and have a respectable life, that was what he wanted for you. To have a life with Joel would only make you sordid, ripe for gossip. He was old enough to be your father and you were in fact his his best friend's daughter. He couldn't sully your life with his mistakes.

On a last minute whim he'd come to your wedding, sat at the very back as you were oblivious to him, staring into your husband's eyes as you spoke your vows, each word a piece of jagged glass in his heart. He'd left before you could see him, driving back to Texas at a high rate of speed, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. Why hadn't he just objected? He could have done it, raised his hand and told the entire congregation that you were his god damn it. He would have led you out, carrying you bridal style, ripped your damn dress off you and fucked you senseless.

It was later that Tommy suggested the dating app. Joel wasn't a fan of technology, and in fact still had his old Nokia phone that Sarah was warning him was becoming obsolete and cajoled him into upgrading to a smartphone. Once she and Tommy had helped him with setting up a profile on eHarmony, the requests piled in. Women from all over the state showed their interest. He had his pick of almost anyone. While he went on a few fruitless dates (some of which actually ended up in sex) there were few that actually interested him.

Until Tess. She was so much like him, and more suited to his age. A divorcee, she knew what she wanted in a relationship and stuck by her values. Beneath her tough exterior Joel found she was actually very kindhearted, even sweet. She cared about animals, liked beer, and was a homebody. She'd resisted his charms at first, but eventually neither could give in to the spark they felt. It took some convincing to get her to marry him. She accepted only on the terms that he move to Boston. She'd visited Texas a few times on business, but she wanted to stay in the northeast, and Joel, in love again for the first time in years, acquiesced.

The problem was they were too much alike. Both wanted to lead, and while he was happy to let Tess have the reigns now and then, it became an issue. This led to more arguments, tense discussions over things that shouldn't have mattered. The divorce, when it finally happened, was a blessing in disguise. Joel followed Tommy away from Boston and found comfort here in Wyoming, in a place he could start anew.

Sarah had been none too subtle when she brought you up in conversation. "Did you know she's a teacher?" "She's single now, divorced actually." "She's in California with her daughter."

Every damn day there was a phone call or a text where you were mentioned. And now, with you here under his roof at Sarah's behest, it was apparent that she was trying to get you two back together again.

He knew he needed to speak with you about that comment you uttered, about "our" daughter Ellie. He'd done the math in his head, just to be safe, and had calculated that he could indeed be her dad. But he had to get the honest answer from you.

It'd be easy if you would at least acknowledge his presence.

Your cold shoulder is more like an arctic icy blast. Your refusal to even meet his eye is like an arrow through his heart. He wishes that you would at least glare at him, or say something sarcastic or hurtful, but your silence is the coldest thing, even with the blizzard outside.

He's hopeful during one moment the next morning, as he's going into the hall restroom while you're coming out. Freshly showered, you're wearing a towel around your body, skin glowing, hair combed back and damp. The steam that surrounds you from your hot shower makes you look like a figure from a movie, an ethereal angel come to earth. His breath catches in his throat as you look up at him, your beautiful eyes wide and plush lips parted. Then you resume your coldness, pulling your towel tighter around you as you go to your room. When he steps in he smells the jasmine aroma of your body wash still in the air around him his dick hardens in response.

Hearing that Sofia has arrived is the one bright spot in your time here.

You meet her at the Tipsy Bison after everyone has helped out shoveling snow off the path. You'd found yourself working next to Joel and said nothing to him, ignoring his silent appeal for you to talk to him.

Now the crew is indulging in some food and beer at the bar while you catch up with your cousin.

"How did you get in? I thought the roads were impassable," you tell her after a big hug and an introduction to her fiancee Ruby. It had come as a surprise to you when she'd told you she was marrying a woman, but Sofia had said she'd only followed her heart and didn't consider herself stuck to any sort of label. Ruby was the perfect person for her and there was no looking back.

"Tommy sent a pilot friend of his to pick us up from the airport when our taxi couldn't make it through the snow," she says, nearly knocked over as Ellie pummels her with a bear hug. "We were helicoptered in, like a couple of VIPs."

It's like old times as you share a booth altogether, different kinds of appetizers in the center of the table as you catch up on things.

"How did you manage to still stay friends with Tommy?" you ask when Ruby and Ellie go to make change for the jukebox. Hearing that Sofia is staying with Tommy and Maria during their visit, you can't help but wonder how other people can so easily put aside the past.

"I think it helped that we were friends before we started dating," she shrugs. "And.. to be honest, our relationship never got that serious. Not like you and Joel," she finishes in a whisper, darting a glance at the elder Miller brother, who's knocking back some beer with Tommy and a few others.

"Why do you ask?" Sofia continues.

"I don't know how to deal with being under the same roof as Joel," you admit. "Everything that he put me through.. I know we're only here for a few days but it feels like an eternity. It's becoming harder to avoid him."

"You should talk to him," she says gently. "You don't have to be best friends or anything, but you're a friend of the bride. You should at least be civil."

You sneak a look over your shoulder at him, just to find he's already staring at you. You quickly turn away.

"Does he know about.." Sofia motions with her head toward Ellie, who's at the jukebox with Ruby.

"No," you respond. "And he doesn't need to know."

"That's not fair to him," she softly scolds you.

"You are the only one I've trusted with this, Sofia. Please do not make me regret telling you."

Sofia is really the only family you have left. You never saw you father after that fateful night when Joel fought him, and your mother disowned Ellie when she came out, causing you to disown your mother in return. Your circle is small but faithful.

She backs off. "All right," she relents. "But what about Ellie? She'll resent you for keeping this a secret this long."

You watch your daughter, who's drifted from the jukebox to one of the pool tables, mindlessly spinning the cue ball upon the soft green surface. She's distracted when she sees another girl across the room, a pretty dark-haired girl around her own age, watching Ellie furtively, as if fascinated.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Ellie shouts, causing the girl to run away.

"Ellie!" you snap at her, and to your astonishment Joel walks past you to go to her. You freeze, watching their interaction, but all seems to be okay as they talk quietly.

"I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to help her.. she's so angry, especially since the divorce. And Justin rarely ever sees her. The only thing he's good for is the child support." You swig your beer, itching to go and talk to her, but the stubborn side of you refuses to be closer to Joel than is necessary.

Sofia folds her napkin in sections. "She called me and told me about Riley.. and the little mishap at the mall."

Earlier that year, Ellie and Riley had been picked up by the cops for trespassing in an abandoned mall and vandalizing some stores. It was completely unlike her, and even though you both sought family therapy for all the issues you were going through, it didn't seem to be making much leeway.

"She doesn't seem so angry now," Sofia mentions, and you turn to see Joel and Ellie starting a game of pool. You both watch as she tries to pull off complicated trick shots and Joel just shakes his head in feigned frustration. Once again your gaze lingers too long and you lock eyes, but this time you offer a tiny smile, mouthing 'thanks.'

"Hey Mom, can I go with Joel and Finn? Joel said I have to ask you."

You look up from where you're steam-cleaning your dress for the rehearsal dinner tonight. "Where are you going?"

"It's near the woods on Joel's property. We're just going for a hike," she shrugs.

"I guess.. just behave yourself, okay?"

She grins, glad to have gotten permission. You follow her down to the foyer where Joel and Finn are getting their hats and gloves on. "Be careful," you tell them, though it's mostly meant for Joel.

"Of course. You're okay with her shootin'?"

"What?!"

Ellie manages to look chagrined. "I didn't think you'd let me go if you knew guns would be involved."

"Well you thought right!"

"I won't let her if you won't allow it," Joel offers.

"Come on!" Ellie groans.

"Just remember that you're on thin ice back home," you tell her without wanting to let on to the others about Ellie's troubled past.

"Somethin' the matter?" Joel asks, eyes darting between you and her.

"Nope," Ellie's all smiles when you hesitate to answer. "Let's get going!"

She and Finn race out the door into the snowy yard just as Joel stops for a brief moment. "I won't let her shoot if you don't want her to," he says solemnly.

The nearness of him, the rich baritone of his voice could easily bring you to your knees. It feels like a chore just to swallow that emotion and consider it dead, a mistake.

"Just be careful," you repeat, a smile flitting on your lips. Heat rises in your face when you see his gaze drop down to your mouth, his tongue peeking out to swipe across his own lips.

"You could come with us."

Your first instinct is to refuse, to keep that wall built between him and yourself. Good fences make good neighbors and brick walls keep people from reliving past trauma.

But damn it's hard to say no when he's here right in front of you, after all this time, and the parts of you that have healed just want to give in, to go into his arms again.

It's not a surprise when you're in the passenger seat of his truck, like old times. And though it's a newer model and the seats have warmers and the upholstery makes the whole car smell like it was just driven off the lot, in a way it still feels like summer 2003.

Finn's done this before, the apple of his grandfather's eye. Even with the skill of a child, he shoots with ease, knocking down most of the targets Joel had set up on a fence.

When it's Ellie's turn she's eager for the gun, but her practice shots are haphazard: off an old fallen tree, a random snowbank. She huffs in frustration.

"Wide right," Joel tells her. "You're flinchin'."

Ellie shakes her head. "The target's too small."

"I made it bigger than I should've. Eject the cartridge."

You watch your only child move with precision, handling the gun with ease despite being new to this. "I'm not flinching, the rifle just sucks."

You and Finn exchange a look, suppressing your laughter.

"Okay, give it." Joel changes places with Ellie, who quips, "It doesn't aim right, you'll see."

It's hard to tear your eyes from him as he sets up, moving with the ease of someone half his age. "A deep breath in, slow breath out. You squeeze the trigger like you love it," he says, ignoring Ellie's teasing remarks. "Gentle, steady, nice and slow."

"You gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?" she smirks, and when you laugh out loud Joel shakes his head, pulling off the perfect shot.

After, you rest on the tailgate of the truck while drinking warm beverages from your thermoses. Ellie and Finn gather their energy quickly enough, playing in the snow and chasing each other. It brightens your day to see your daughter smiling.

"I wanna apologize for the other day," Joel says, his eyes flicking to you. "I was outta line. I've apologized to Ellie too. I think she and I are good now."

You nod, somewhat relieved that he'd brought it up first. "I'm sorry too. I guess I get pretty riled up when someone tries to out-parent me."

Joel looks away, towards the mountains that peak their grayness against the clear blue sky. "He been outta the picture long?"

"Who? Justin?" You notice Joel winces at your ex husband's name. "Long enough. He was supposed to spend time with her for Christmas but chose his new wife over his own daughter. She didn't take it very well."

"Fuckin' bastard," he mutters. "Always figured there was a reason for me to not like him."

You give him a strange look. "You didn't know him."

"Didn't need to. He took you away from me. That's reason enough."

"Joel," you say quietly, both a scolding and a scoff. You remember his body against yours that night, the way your sheets bore his scent until the day before Justin came back from out of town and you had to wash away the evidence of your betrayal.

"I'm sorry I didn't go after you. There were a million opportunities and I failed each time."

You say his name again, with softness this time, your hand finding his, his palm almost completely dwarfing yours. You think about his fingers inside you, teasing you for the first time, showing you how to open up to him, and how you ended up giving away your whole heart.

In the moment where you can say the most heartwarming or romantic or even angry thing, what comes out of your mouth is: "You never accepted my friend request."

Joel looks puzzled. "What?"

"My friend request. On Facebook. I tried to add you but you never accepted it, so I canceled it." Cringing at your own words, how needy they sound, you take your hand from his, but he traps it within his own again.

"Darlin', I never look at that stuff. I only got one 'cause everyone else goaded me into it." His eyes look mirthful as he sees your doleful eyes.

"And that's how I found out about Tess.."

"Oh." The mirthful look is gone, replaced by a dark, blank look. The first marriage, the only marriage he ever had, so late in life, ended.

"What was she like?"

"Why do you wanna know?" He looks at the ground, as if the snow is so interesting. "What was that idiot fuckboy husband of yours like?"

You almost laugh, surprised that he's jealous, even after you've moved on from your marriage.

"He wasn't as great as I thought," you shrug. "But that doesn't matter now."

Joel smiles, agreeing. "Tess was.. we were good for awhile but you're right, doesn't matter now."

"Because we both turned out okay.. me and you."

He thinks it over a bit, eventually nodding. "Yeah.." His deep brown eyes meet yours, and you catch a glimmer of the man he was before, twenty years past, a single dad with a teenage girl and an interest in the new girl next door. "I'm sorry.. for everything. We happened so fast that my brain had to catch up with my heart."

You're afraid that if you think about it for too long you'll cry and never stop. "We don't have to talk about that.."

He nods, looking a little sad that you declined. "You're right, we don't."

"Look at you with all this land," you smile, gently teasing him to change the subject. "What are you gonna do with all of it?"

Joel shrugs, looking at his property, thinking again of the possibilities. "I might decide to turn it into a ranch, raise sheep," he shrugs. "They're quiet and do what they're told."

He's quiet another moment, before his voice drops an octave. "I'm really glad you came, babygirl.. it's really good to see you. Don't think I said that before."

A smile graces your lips, a genuine one, and the warmth of his words melts what's left of your defenses. "Joel.. there's something I need to tell you.. about Ellie.." The words are out before you even think.

Your heart pounds, taking residence in your throat as if to keep the truth from spilling out. Joel turns his whole body to you. His eyes search yours, without question or condemnation, as if he's willing you to say it because he already knows, because he just wants it made real.

When the moment passes it's a disappointment to both of you. It's getting later in the afternoon and you still need to get ready for tonight. The kids trudge back to the truck and you get in next to Joel in the front. There's a quietness that fills the space, thick and somewhat desperate.

The Tipsy Bison has gone through another temporary makeover for the rehearsal dinner: garlands of lights arch across the ceiling from beam to beam, creating a pleasant, dreamy atmosphere. People mill around waiting for the bride and groom who are running a little late. Drinks are served and tables of food boast different kinds of cuisine.

Ellie makes a beeline for the hors d'oevres, immediately picking out what she wants and stuffing it straight into her mouth as if she hasn't seen food in months. Joel watches her from the next table over, trying hard as hell not to call her out too harshly, but as his stomach growls he joins her in the hunt for sustenance.

A tray of pastel-colored macarons catches Ellie's eye and she takes a light green treat with her fingers. "What are these?" She scrutinizes it, taking a quick sniff.

"It's some kinda cookie.. or something.. how the hell should I know?" he grumbles.

"Pistachio," she grunts in disgust, putting it back on the plate.

"Well, now don't put it back, you've already touched it and sniffed it and everything.." Joel quickly pops the discarded macaron into his mouth.

"If you want 'em they're all yours," she says, giving his shoulder a couple heavy claps before moving on down the line of food.

He just shakes his head, looking around for you for the tenth time tonight, finding you with Sarah and her soon-to-be inlaws at the bar. His mouth goes dry at the sight of you in a dark red dress, long-sleeved, cinched at the waist, and he feels a familiar rush of blood to his cock as he eyes the thigh-length slit on one side of the skirt.

"That color is sensational on you."

You turn to the voice you've just heard, as the group you were talking with disperses.

"Hi," you tell the older, well-dressed man in front of you. "I don't believe we've met." But then it hits you, and just as he introduces himself you realize you already know his name.

"I'm Frank," he says, a Duchenne smile lighting up his features and crinkling the wrinkles around his eyes. He's handsome, and very friendly. And he was friends with Joel during his marriage to Tess.

He introduces you to his husband Bill, who regards you with a certain suspicion and gives a gruff acknowledgement to your hello. "He's like that with everyone," Franks explains in a stage whisper, while rolling his eyes. "He's just a big grump, but I love him."

"I'm a friend of the bride," you tell them after giving your name, and also introducing Ellie, who's arrived next to you with a plate piled high with shrimp, pulled pork sliders, and mini cheesecakes.

"She's a friend of Joel's," Frank tells Bill, as if to clarify.

"Um, yes.. I'm also a friend of his," you agree. Pretending to spot someone across the room, you excuse yourself, giving a subtle motion for Ellie to follow you, but she stays where she is, popping a whole shrimp in her mouth, eyeing the couple.

"There's a story there," Frank says enticingly as he sips his beer.

"What do you mean?" she asks, curious about the gossip.

Bill gives him a look and shakes his head. "She's a kid, she doesn't need your dramatic stories."

"Now I have to know!" Ellie insists.

Frank feigns annoyance. "Oh all right."

He weaves the tale of Joel and his wife Tess: happily married at first, so alike in attitude and hobbies. She thought she knew everything about the man she married, but when Tommy, in a drunken game of poker one night, recalled a certain young woman who Joel knew, a woman who could tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, Joel told his brother, in a similar drunken state, that he remembered her fondly, missed her like crazy, she was the one who got away.

Tess wasn't the type to hound someone for details, but she didn't like there was a part of Joel's past that she didn't know about. Especially if that past was filled with him falling in love with and screwing a college girl. This naturally led to arguments that Tess refused to drop. Joel didn't want to relive that time with you, and insisted it meant nothing since you were well and truly out of his life.

But the damage had been done, and the thorn of jealousy had pierced Tess's heart. You were a stranger to her and still could not be defeated.

Frank recalled with suppressed glee the night Tess had stormed out on a dinner party, ranting at Joel about "not being able to get over a stupid ass teenager" and causing a scene for the others to eat up. It had embarrassed Joel deeply, but when news of Sarah's wedding had become known, Joel couldn't keep it secret from the friends of his ex-wife. He'd come to like them in his own way, especially Bill, with whom he shared a predilection for quiet and keeping to one's self. They hunted and fished like old times and soon enough both he and Frank were invited to the wedding.

"There's a saying that goes," Frank is telling Ellie, "'everyone can see it but them.'"

Ellie glances at you across the room, and then at Joel. You and he trade silent, surreptitious glances at one another, filled with longing. You glance at him and he catches you before you glance away, and vice versa. The signal between your gazes is irrefutable. There's something there, has been all this time. All it needed was a little meddling from Sarah to bring the spark back to life.

For the first time Ellie sees you as something more than her mother. She realizes you had a past, a life before she was born, and a fraction of that life was spent in love with a man she just met a couple days ago.

"Hey Mom, can you help?"

Hearing Ellie, you immediately shift into Mom Mode, stopping your own get-ready routine to assist her. She's in your doorway, holding out her wrists. She picked out the suit herself, but the cufflinks are something new.

"Did you get these from your dad?"

"Joel let me borrow them for today."

It's finally the day of the wedding, and as the ceremony isn't until the evening, the whole house is a kind of organized chaos from morning through the afternoon. As if your nerves weren't already on fire, Sarah had approached you early that morning (fortunately for her while you were drinking your coffee) and asked if you'd replace one of her bridesmaids who'd come down with a cold overnight and couldn't attend.

You'd reasoned with her that you didn't have a bridesmaid dress, but that was easily solved when it was revealed the bridesmaids were all wearing jewel tones, and the sapphire gown you'd purchased off the rack would do just fine.

You had anticipated being part of a crowd. Now you'd be at the front of the congregation, all eyes on you, especially Joel's.

Shaking yourself from your thoughts, you finish helping Ellie with her cufflinks and let her entertain you with whatever teenage thought is flipping around in her brain while you touch up your makeup.

"I'm supposed to meet with Sarah and the bridal party at the church. You can ride with me or you'll have to find a ride with someone else."

"Joel will take me."

You brush away some stray powder on your cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Maybe he could take both of us. Want me to ask him?"

"No--"

But she's gone before you can stop her.

You feel Joel's eyes on you as you during the short drive to the church, and you blame the heat you feel coursing through your body on the seat warmer.

"It's a nice thing you're doin' for Sarah, steppin' in at the last minute," he says, eyes finally on the road.

"I can't let down a bride in need," you say somewhat cheerfully. "She'd do the same for me."

"Maybe at your next wedding." Ellie pipes up from the backseat, and Joel's frown is not lost on you.

The lead-up to the actual ceremony is a blur, as it was at your own wedding fifteen years before. The bridal party clusters around Sarah, who looks radiant, as she promises she isn't nervous. You can sense her agitation in the way her knee bounces as she's seated, one of the bridesmaids doing a last minute touch up to her hair. The air is heavy with excitement, the scent of hair spray and perfume all around you, reminding you that you're flammable.

"Remember this day," you advise her, and she looks up at you with a grateful smile. "It goes by unbelievably fast."

You wonder if you'll ever have this again, the butterflies in your stomach as you wait for the moment when you see your man at the aisle, awaiting you. You were lucky to have it once. Twice would be an anomaly, considering you haven't had a real relationship in so long.

Joel knocks and, granted entrance, the bridesmaids flutter about, getting ready for their entrance into the church. The bride and her father are left alone, no doubt exchanging words of love before he gives her away to her true love.

You had no one to walk down the aisle with when you were a bride, and the memory threatens to cloud your mind as you take your small bouquet of white roses and camellias. "Canon in D" starts, and the line makes its way down the aisle, towards the altar where Theo and his groomsmen wait.

Situated at the altar, the congregation rises as the music changes, and Sarah walks in, arm in arm with Joel.

Your eyes are on him the entire time, and your heart feels to big to fit in your chest. You've never seen Joel in a suit, but this one is perfectly tailored to his broad, strong physique. His hair is perfectly styled, his grey visible through the curls you long to run your fingers through.

When Sarah and Theo exchange vows your gaze unexpectedly meet Joel's and this time neither of you look away. You catch the glimmer of a tear falling down his cheek, which he does not wipe away. The bride and groom's words seem to ring loud and true: a promise of love through hard times and illness; of love that only grows in each others' absence; of love that does not die even after death.

The reception is held at the Tipsy Bison, and you marvel at how it's managed to disguise itself once more from a saloon to an elegant wedding atmosphere. A lot of money has gone into the week's events, and you know it's all Joel's doing. He's giving away his daughter, sending her off in style, giving her a day she'll remember forever.

You watch Sarah and Joel during their father-daughter dance, a tradition you didn't get to have yourself. "I Loved Her First" by Heartland starts up by the band onstage, and it tugs on your heartstrings to watch them. In the back of your mind you see them, Joel still thirty-six and Sarah still fourteen. By the time Sarah and Theo have their first dance as husband and wife you're already in the ladies' room, splashing cold water on your face so no one can see you've been crying.

Later, the bridesmaids and groomsmen have scattered, dancing or drinking at the bar, mingling. You stay at your seat at the now nearly-empty wedding party table, fingers twirling the stem of your champagne glass.

Mired in your own thoughts, you don't realize Joel has approached, crouching next to you.

"Dance with me?" he asks, his voice nearly a rasp with how nervous he is.

Wordlessly you take his hand, which practically dwarfs your own, as he leads you to the dance floor. You fall into a rhythm as the band starts up "Tennessee Whiskey", swaying softly to the music. His right hand rests on your lower back, gently guiding you. Your heart pounds as you gaze into his eyes. You haven't been this close to him since the night you conceived Ellie, the fateful night that threw a wrench into all your plans.

"It was a beautiful wedding," you lean in close to be heard over the music.

Joel shivers at your proximity, the brush of your lips against his ear, and he pulls you a little closer. "I'm happy you came all this way for it. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," you affirm, your hand gliding up to his shoulder.

The air is thick with tension, much like in the days you'd first met. You have to turn away or risk your feelings made known to everyone here.

Ellie's at one of the booths with the dark-haired girl from a couple days ago, watching something on her phone. As the girl laughs you see Ellie looking at her with a warmth you haven't known her capable of for anyone else.

"She's going to hate me for having to take her away again.." you tell him. "I haven't seen her this happy in a long time."

He clears his throat. "Maybe now she has a reason to return." He nods towards Ellie and her new friend.

Your limbs stiffen a little in response. You're not yet ready to think about the future, the possibilities it holds. You've barely begun to mend your friendship with Joel.

"Maybe," you relent, quietly, a promise made in the ether.

Joel's silent as the music moves smoothly in the air between you. His grip tightens on your body as he asks, "She's mine, ain't she?"

You snap from your thoughts, your heart in your throat as you stop dancing. "Excuse me?" Your eyes bore into him, daring him to speak the truth for himself.

"The other day you said 'our daughter'.. the timeline's right, I'm not that bad at math," he manages a smile.

"Joel, I.." you shake your head. "It's all too much. I can't think about this right now."

"Just tell me the truth," he says quietly.

"What would it matter if she was?"

"It'd make a whole hell of a difference. Two daughters, two Miller girls. Don't you think somethin' like that would make me happy?"

For a rare moment you let yourself think about the day your mother came to get you, pull you back home to Houston seeped in shame and regret. She'd lied and manipulated facts to get you on her side. You vowed you'd never be like her or put Ellie through that.

"Yes, Joel.." you whisper. "She's yours.."

The joy that shines in his eyes is like nothing you've ever seen before. When his arms wrap around you your lips find his as if twenty years has never passed between you. Right there, in the middle of the dance floor, you're making out like teenagers.

"I want you," he growls.

"Let's get out of here," you agree.

You're barely through the front door of his home when he presses you to the wall, his mouth hungry for yours. You hadn't thought you'd experience this level of passion again, but time has not diminished it for either of you.

"Joel," you moan as he presses himself to you, the blunt hardness of his erection teasing you. "Fuck me, Joel.."

He groans at your words, body aching with desire as he goes to his knees in front of you, lifting the hem of your dress. He presses messy kisses along your thighs while his hands roam over your hips and ass, his breath hot against your skin as he approaches the spot he most wants to taste again.

"Been too long, darlin'," he murmurs as he pulls your lacy underwear down your legs. "Been too damn long since I had you like this."

You kick your panties off, hooking one leg over his shoulder as he dives in, tongue lapping at your sweet pussy like a thirsty man finally finding water.

He stays there, tongue dancing between your folds and then tickling your clit, tasting you so deeply that you cry out, head falling back, body arched towards him, fingers tangled in his hair. Joel feasts like a man starved, slurping you up, inhaling your scent that surrounds him. There's nothing about you that's changed. You're still so sensitive to his touch, responsive to his lips, tongue, and now fingers pressed deep inside, finding the spot that makes you scream while his lips purse around your throbbing clit.

He doesn't stop after you come. He feasts on you over and over again, making up for lost time, pleading for your forgiveness this way, literally on his knees until you scream his name, convulsing around his fingers, your honey collecting on his large digits. Only when you feel completely boneless does he remove them gently, licking up your syrupy taste.

Joel picks you up, your dress falling back in to place as he carries you bridal style up to his room.

All roads have led back to him. No matter where you went, no matter who you chose, Joel was always going to be there at the end of the path, your guiding light, even when you thought you hated him and when you thought he would never choose you again.

Even now, his body over yours, he's the missing piece of the puzzle. He teases you with his cock until you beg him to just put it in, to make you whole again. The glorious slide of his flesh into yours causes you both to gasp and your bodies still for a moment, taking in the significance of this act which you've done so many times before.

He's older now, but his vigor is not gone. He fucks you gently at first, then with impatience, as if he's afraid you'll dissolve like a dream in daylight. You'd know the feel of his cock among any other, the smooth outline and the ridges, the way he's molded his perfect shape into you, marked you years ago when you were a virgin, as if leaving his initials inside you. Mine.

You've never had a man to match him, never had someone so in sync with your body. He knows all your buttons, every dip and valley that his hand caresses. He's mapped out your skin like a cartographer, claiming the land in his own name.

You come almost too quickly the first time, before he flips you on top of him, gripping your hips as you ride him. "Love you," you moan as you come close to the edge again, heart and soul flying ahead of you into the bliss you've only really known with him.

Beneath you Joel's eyes go wide when you come, his hips lifting up into you, warmth spilling into your core.

"Babygirl," he whispers, a choked grunt as he turns pale, his skin clammy and sweaty when he loses consciousness.

As soon as Sarah and Ellie arrive at the hospital you hug them, overcome with worry for Joel's medical emergency.

"How is he?" Sarah asks, still in her wedding dress. Even in the emergency waiting room she's generating a lot of interested looks her way.

"They just took him in a few minutes ago," you tell her, secretly glad she wasn't there to see her dad in such shape. "I think it was a heart attack.."

"Oh my god," she puts her hand over her mouth and sits on the nearest chair, Ellie right next to her, comforting her.

"The party's winding down at the bar," Ellie explains. "Only a few people know-- Theo, Tommy, Maria.."

"We didn't want to worry anyone else," Sarah adds.

You look at her, heart aching. This is supposed to be her special day.. and if something happens to Joel--

Don't think like that.

The three of you sit down, drinking stale coffee from the machine down the hall. Soon Tommy joins you, Theo staying at the house to keep an eye on Finn.

The worst thoughts poke through your brain, teasing you and taunting you. But at last the doctor comes out, a guy even younger than yourself, green scrubs and white coat.

He talks with the family, letting them know the diagnosis. "It was a silent myocardial infarction, basically a mild heart attack," he explains it. "He's going to be fine and he's resting right now."

"A heart attack?" Tommy and Sarah exclaim together.

"At his age it's not uncommon.. he's fifty-six years old," the doctor checks the chart. "Now, we have him on some aspirin and beta-blockers. Tests show he doesn't have enough blockage to necessitate surgery, but he'll need blood pressure medication and to keep a healthier lifestyle."

"Can we see him?" you ask.

"Yes, two at a time, preferably. We want to keep him calm while we're monitoring him." He checks the chart again and looks at you. "You brought him in, correct, ma'am?"

"Yes.. why?"

"What was Mr. Miller doing before he exhibited symptoms of his coronary event?"

"Um.. what?" you pretend not to understand.

"What was he doing before he had his heart attack?"

"Mild heart attack," Tommy emphasizes.

"Well.." you race to think of what to tell him.

"I take it you were celebrating a wedding," the doctor says, seeing Sarah in her dress and the rest of you in tuxes and gowns and whispers a 'Congratulations' to her.

"Yes. Well, we danced.." you answer, and the doctor keeps his eyes on you as if he knows you're lying.

You go up to him, giving a subtle whisper. "We were.. intimate--"

"Sexual relations," he nods, writing it on the chart. "It's important for us to know what was a causing factor in his event. Now, two at a time can visit him."

Tommy and Sarah go first. He gives you a sly wink. "Y'all were fuckin'!" he teases, passing by. Sarah gives you an excited smile, to which you just purse your lips.

It's quiet but for the bag of Lays Ellie has opened, eating the chips slowly. "So you and Joel?"

You nod.

"But not just tonight.. a long time ago, right?"

There's an odd sensation in your stomach, as if the unspoken truth is fluttering around inside, beating its wings as it tries to find a way out. "I guess there's a lot I need to tell you. But only when you're ready."

Ellie seems to steel herself for whatever conversation is on the way, nodding at last, crumpling up the bag and tossing it in the bin. "Ready."

Seeing Joel in the hospital bed is a sobering visual. Years ago your age gap represented something illicit, scandalous. Now you're reminded that no matter what road you and he take from here, you will most likely outlive Joel Miller.

He's awake when you and Ellie go in. It's obvious he doesn't like being here, but in his current state is not fit to complain.

"Hey," you say softly, going to his side. "How are you feeling?" You caress his cheek with the back of your hand.

Joel's eyes close at your delicate touch, and when he opens them there's a warmth in them that can't be denied. "I've been better, babygirl," he says. "But I'm damn glad you're here."

He glances at Ellie, seated in a chair on his other side. "And how about you, kiddo? You okay?"

"Am I okay?" she says incredulously. "Dude, I'm not the one in a hospital bed." But her face clearly shows relief that Joel's all right. You also see her brain working over everything you've told her (well, the gist of it.. there are some things she doesn't need to know).

"I was so worried," you tell him, your voice soft and warm, all your feelings coming to the forefront. "I thought I was gonna lose you."

Tears appear in Joel's eyes, which he brushes away impatiently. "You ain't losin' me yet, baby. Not for a long time, not if you don't want to."

"Joel.." you whisper. "Do you really want to do this? After everything that's happened.. all the hurt we put each other through.. all the secrets.." you cast a glance at Ellie, who looks more reserved than you've ever seen her before. Sensing this is a moment you want to share alone, she gives a fleeting smile before she leaves, giving Joel a playful mock hit on his shoulder. Still smiling, Joel pats the space beside him in the bed and you snuggle in with him, his body warm.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Joel asks softly, eyes imploring you. "You're mine and I'm yours. That's how this thing of ours operates: you belong to me and I belong to you. Despite everything that's happened in the last twenty years, that's been the one constant." His hands grips yours, thumb running over your knuckles. "I don't care if I've got thirty years or thirty days left of my life. I wanna spend the rest of it with you, babygirl."

You search his eyes, seeing nothing there but the truth, laid bare and ready for you to either accept or deny.

He continues, "I don't wanna keep failin' you. I'm too much in love to let you go again." Then he gently lifts your chin, making sure you meet his eyes. "But only if you want me back."

Some would say you're on a precipice in the choice you're about to make, but it's not that difficult to choose. It's simply the separate paths you're on, converging at last. for good.

"You're the only one I've ever wanted," you whisper. It's not a fancy declaration of truth, a bit surprising coming from an English teacher, but it's the only thing Joel needs to hear before he pulls you close for another kiss.

Joel's released on Christmas Eve, and the two of you don't waste any time.

You and Joel are married in a small, intimate ceremony in the spacious living room of his home. Ellie, Sarah, Theo, Finn, Tommy, Maria, Sofia, Ruby, and even Bill and Frank are in attendance, watching as a judge from town and friend of the Millers officiates.

Joel promises you a nicer wedding when the frost thaws, anywhere you want in the world. You tell him you can't imagine a more perfect place to marry the most perfect man for you.

Your first wedding went by in a blur, but this time around you engrave it upon your heart, make note of every little skip of your heart when you and Joel hold hands, his delicate touch as he places a gorgeous sapphire ring on your hand, the sweetness of his lips when you share your first kiss as husband and wife.

After Christmas, Sarah and Theo leave for their honeymoon to Maui, and with the weather more agreeable the guests take leave too. Tommy sees to it that you and Joel have your house all to yourselves for your own honeymoon.

You insist on taking it easy with Joel, but he tells you he'd rather die while inside you, his name pouring from your lips the last thing he ever hears. He seems to get a second wind with you, making use of every possible flat surface in the house. You feel better about such activity when he takes his medication, promising to take it faithfully so long as you follow it with a kiss.

One morning after a particularly strenuous night, while drinking coffee in the kitchen and discussing your plans, Ellie returns, calling out to you before she enters.

"You're not doing anything gross in there, are you?"

"No," Joel laughs.

"Yes we are, we're working on making a sibling for you," you smirk over your coffee, glancing at Joel and giving a little shake of your head when his eyes go wide.

"Gross," she mutters, walking in. "Joel, Tommy says everyone's meeting at the Tipsy Bison for lunch later. But he couldn't get through to you on the phone." She makes a playful, pointed look, eyeing the two of you.

She's lukewarm to the idea of calling Joel 'Dad', and there's going to be some legal hoops to go through regarding Justin and his parental claim. But it all seems so small in comparison to the problems that plagued you before. You can get through anything because now you have each other.

You and Joel get ready as Ellie goes back to Tommy's, enjoying spending her time with Finn and getting ready to leave with them instead.

Unable to keep your hands off each other, it takes you twice as long to get dressed, hands going into each other's back pockets, lips finding each other's throats.

There's all the time in the world for it now.

Driving up to the Tipsy Bison, Joel turns on the radio. "Cherry, Cherry" starts to play, and you sing along with Neil Diamond, catching your husband's eye as he smiles and sings along too. The road before you is smooth, mountains standing guard in the distance, staying the same grand height no matter how far along you drive. Joel's hand finds yours, presses a kiss to it before entwining your fingers.

"Babe?"

"Yes, Mrs. Miller?"

You smile. "Let's not go right away. Let's drive around a little, play this song again, just soak in this moment."

"Of course, babygirl. I don't want to share you with the others just yet anyway."

Neil continues on the radio: No, we won't tell a soul where we gone to Girl, we do whatever we want to Ah, I love the way that you do me Cherry, babe, you really get to me

It's come full circle, and it only took two decades to complete. You and Joel in his truck, your song playing, the sun shining through the hazy clouds. You could close your eyes and it'd be 2003 again.

dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

<- prev chapter

[infamous-if]

shes a big'un

[thezombieprostitute]

Changing Minds - Part 4

Summary: Your long time work acquaintance Nick Fowler offers to take you to a fancy fundraiser as a way of cheering you up. He insists it's only as friends but when he sees you falling into the grasp of someone he knows is no good, he might change his mind on that.

Word Count: ~2.4k (definitely a big'un for my standards!)

Warnings: Implied violence and attempted murder. Please let me know if I missed any.

A/N: Reader is an older female (late 30's +). This is part of the Garbage Men AU.

Part 3 -- Part 5

Series Masterlist

Nick’s been making sure to keep texting you. Nothing too romantic, too revealing, but still keeping in touch, keeping up the appearance of interest. He’s gotten his hands on a tennis bracelet with your favorite color gemstones. Jake was able to find a small enough tracker that could be hidden behind one of the stones. He figured it should be easy enough to offer it to you while you were at work.

But as he pulls into the parking lot he’s thrown into a mild panic at the sight of so many police vehicles and ambulances. He gets out of the car and walks as close as he can before he’s stopped by an officer.

“What’s going on,” he asks, worry etched into his face.

“There’s a bomb,” the officer responds. “We’ve got almost everyone safely out. Bomb squad is in there now.”

“What about Y/N? She’s a friend of mine who works here.”

The officer shrugs, “everyone who’s gotten out of the building is over in that section.” He points to a small group near the ambulances. Nick immediately walks over but he doesn’t see you. He recognizes one of the people who works for you, Nikki? Nicole? He can’t remember but he gets their attention.

“Where is Y/N? Why isn’t she with you?”

“The bomb was at her desk,” the young lady whispers. “It…it was activated when she sat down on her chair or something.”

For a moment, Nick can’t think. Any second now you could be dead, likely all because of him. He sees the police lights flashing and pulls out his phone, dialing Sheriff Bodecker. 

He answers after three rings, “this had better be damn important, Fowler.”

“The City Clerk office–”

“Yeah, we got our best people helpin’ out that little lady. What about it?”

“I need access.”

“No can do, Fowler. That’s a city-owned building with city employees at risk. Can’t be havin’ a civilian helpin’ on the investigation. This stays in house.”

“Bullshit,” Nick growls into the phone. “She’s my friend! She’s in danger and I need to know who the hell placed that damn thing!”

“You’ll get access to the reports the same time as every other citizen,” Lee states. “You know where my loyalties lie, Nick, but when it comes to city stuff, I got alotta protocol to follow if I want to keep my job.”

Nick angrily hangs up the phone. He knows Bodecker is right but he’s still pissed off about it. He calls up Jake to ask him to hack the security cameras but Jensen says it’s a no-go. The security cameras are all self-contained. He’d have to be in the building itself to mess with them. Nick hangs up, frustrated.

He’s trying to think of other options when his eyes spot Clark Kent near the building, talking to the police. Confused and enraged Nick stalks over to him, trying to pick up as much of the conversation as he can. He hears snippets of “oh that poor lady,” and “any resources I can offer” before Kent spots him.

“Mr. Fowler,” he greets. “I’m not surprised to see you here. Your poor friend must be a mess!”

“What are you doing here,” Nick seethed.

“I was hoping to pay the lovely Lady a visit,” he calmly answers. “I had such a lovely time talking with her and I was hoping to talk to her some more. But then this!” Kent gestures at the building, “who would do such a thing? Why would they do such a thing?”

Nick sees through the mask of concern Kent has set up. They both know the value of the records in that building and several reasons why someone would want them destroyed. But if either of them admits to it, it would only be used against them. As much as Nick wants to punch him, he knows it would only make everything worse. 

Fortunately the tension is cut with a small cheer from your coworkers. Both men look and see you being walked outside. Nick’s never seen you so scared and he tries to run to you but is stopped by the officer.

“Please,” Nick insists, “she’s my friend. Please let me go help her.”

“It’s okay, Officer,” Kent adds. “I can confirm their friendship. Please let him go to her?” The officer looks at both men and lets Nick pass, letting the officer escorting you know what’s going on. When you see Nick you reach out to him and take his hand. 

“W’ere taking her to the ambulance,” the officer tells him. “Gonna get her vitals checked. Likely in a state of shock.” Nick nods and walks with you, his hand never leaving yours. 

You find yourself leaning into him as you get to the ambulance. Your coworkers try to get closer but Nick gestures at them to stay back saying, correctly, you need air. The EMT gets to work checking everything she can. She confirms that you’re suffering from shock and either need a hospital stay overnight or to have a friend keep an eye on you at your home. You don’t argue when Nick says he’ll take care of you. You just nod.

Your coworkers give you space as Nick walks you to his car, all of them giving you well wishes. You nod and quietly thank each of them as you walk. You definitely didn’t expect to see Mr. Kent walking up to you, steel blue eyes full of concern.

“My dear Lady,” he starts, taking your free hand in both of his, “I do hope you will recover quickly.” You can’t bring yourself to say anything so you just nod and keep walking.

Nick helps you into your apartment and let yourself slump into your favorite chair. Every time Nick has tried to speak you put up a hand to stop him. You need this. The familiarity of home and comfort before you can bring yourself to have the conversation you know you need to have with him. 

Nick has respected your request for silence but, in his need to do something, he asks, “can I get you some tea or something? If I can find the stuff.” You take a deep breath to steady yourself. Nick notices your nostrils flaring in agitation and wishes he’d kept his mouth shut.

“What I need,” you huff, “is for you to tell me what the hell is going on?” You glare at Nick and he’s taken aback at the ferocity in your eyes. 

“I don’t know anything about the bomb, I swear to you.”

“Of course it isn’t you, Nick,” you scold, your voice getting louder with each word. “We’ve been acquaintances for years with no problem. Then I’m introduced to Mr. Kent, hear your background with him, and suddenly I’m given police reports meant to make you look dangerous and have a bomb placed at my desk! He even showed up to the scene of the damn crime! It doesn’t take a genius to figure this shit out!” 

Nick finds himself stumbling over his words. He’s never seen you like this before and he’s not sure what he can do or say to help.

“Don’t you dare tell me you don’t know anything,” you scold him. “You got me into this damn mess, you’re going to either get me out of it or keep me safe!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Nick whispers in awe of your anger. He’s very glad he didn’t get you that cup of tea as he’s pretty sure he’d be covered in burn marks from you throwing it in his face. 

“And you’re going to call whatever people you’re associated with and get me some more secure locks on my door and maybe even a fucking panic button I can press if I need help. Hell, maybe even a tracker in case I get kidnapped!” Nick ducks his head in shame at that one. “You actually have something already, don’t you,” you chide. “Well, let’s see it!”

Nick pulls out the jewelry box with the tennis bracelet and hands it to you. Your eyes widen in surprise at how pretty it is. “So this is why you wanted to know things like my favorite color?” He nods. “Alright, show me where the tracker is so that I can make sure it doesn’t get damaged or something.” He quietly shows you everything and you put on the necklace. He shows you the locator app on his phone and you feel a little relief. At least now there’s a chance someone would find your body.

While his phone is out he calls someone named “Barnes”. He tries to walk to another room to have a quiet conversation but you refuse to let him leave you alone. If he says anything that downplays his role in your current situation you will make sure this Barnes fellow hears your counter argument. 

The entire conversation he feels the burn of your glare on him. He had no idea you could possess such rage. He wonders if this is how people feel when he’s angry at them. He feels like he needs to confess every bad thing he’s ever done just to get you to stop looking at him like that. 

He hangs up the phone and tells you a couple of people will be there to beef up your security around the apartment and talk to you about other security options.

After a couple of hours Nick tells you the “guests” are here and there’s a knock at the door right after. He checks the peephole and opens the door. Inside walks a tall, broad man with a dark beard, blue eyes, wearing a beanie and carrying a toolbag. With him is a curvy woman who approaches you with a gentle smile and says, “you can call me Teach. This is Curtis, he’s going to make sure your apartment door and windows are all reinforced with stronger locks.” Curtis grunts acknowledgement as the door closes and he immediately gets to work.

Nick tries to approach and stand next to you as you start talking with Teach but you give him a glare and he ends up sitting at the far end of your couch. You’d laugh at how much he looks like a petulant child if you weren’t still angry at him. Teach definitely picks up on your animosity and asks “would you like someone else on your security detail?”

“I’m not sure,” you quietly admit. 

“If it helps at all he is one of the best three in terms of personal security.”

You nod, “but will having him around just make it worse for me?”

“Quite possibly,” Teach admits. “It feels like the closer you and Nick appear to be, the worse it’ll be for you. On the other hand, if he’s not around, it leaves you open and vulnerable. We just don’t know enough to know if Kent’s people will leave you alone if the two of you have a falling out or if he’ll try something anyways just to further hurt Nick. Considering the options, it’s likely safer for you to keep him around.”

Sighing, you concede to her logic, “I suppose we can keep up the friendship and fake dating thing until we know how Kent will react to a breakup.”

“Oh good,” Teach says. “Nick did tell you it was a platonic date.”

“No he didn’t,” you shake your head and her eyes widen. “He didn’t need to,” you scoff. “Nick isn’t as good at hiding his feelings as he likes to think.”

Teach seems to consider your words, “or you’re just that good at reading him. He’s a regular winner at the monthly poker games.” She shakes her head, “but that’s neither here nor there. He’ll be assigned to your security under the premise of dating. We’ll make sure to get you some additional coverage in the form of surveillance. We’ve got eyes on nearby security cameras for your apartment and your office. I’ll give you my contact information so that, if you think of other security measures you’d like, you can ask me.”

“Thank you, Teach, sincerely. How can I repay you?”

She gets a sly smile, “make sure Nick doesn’t get off easy? He fucked up big time and you’re paying the price.”

“He only took me to that event to try to cheer me up.”

“And yet,” she whispers, “from what I’ve heard, he didn’t even try to play it cool in separating you from Kent. If he’d been more casual, let you spend the evening with Kent, maybe there wouldn’t be such a big target on your back. Seriously, for as good as Nick can be about hiding his feelings, he seems to be unable to mask up around you.” 

You ponder on that while Curtis finishes up the reinforcement measures for your apartment. He and Teach head out and move to stand in front of Nick, who hasn’t moved from his spot on the couch.

Clearing your throat to get his attention your heart softens when you see the pain in his eyes. “We need to discuss the rules and get our story straight,” you tell him. He nods and you continue, “we can actually use the emotional trauma of the bomb and say that was the catalyst that moved us from friends to dating.” Again, a silent nod from him. “Every time you’re at my apartment you will sleep on the couch. Every time you see me you will bring me a flower or some other small gift. Every time we go out, we will keep PDA to a minimum.” For each requirement you bring up he silently nods.

“Do you have anything to say,” you chide.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” he starts. “I…I shouldn’t have…I’m just...so sorry.” Your feel deflated as the last of your anger dissipates at his sincere apology.

Sighing, you tell him, “I need to get some sleep. Feel free to familiarize yourself with the kitchen. You are allowed to roam my apartment but not my bedroom.” You start walking towards your bed and mutter under your breath, “that’s reserved for people actually interested in me.”

Part 3 -- Part 5

Series Masterlist

Tags:

@alicedopey

@jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

@rebekahdawkins

@texmexdarling

If you'd like to be tagged, please let me know.

[ghostclangen]

moon one hundred - greenleaf

just a heads-up: moon 100 is going to be split into 5 parts! this one's a big'un

[cryinglittlepeople]

hey uh

I'm having another surgery tomorrow and it's a big'un, so if I don't post for a little while that's why

[piizunn]

orville peck: appropriation and intellectual property

Orville Peck is a white South African man who has built his entire career off of colonial North American western aesthetics that are directly influenced by Métis and First Nations cultures and aesthetics. This aesthetic is incredibly loaded and has a history that he seemingly has no understanding of other than the fact that often cowboys were queer. In fact, Peck has gone so far as to rip off Métis and Saulteaux artist Dayna Danger.

Fig. 1: Danger, Dayna. Big’Uns: Adrienne, 2017. Courtesy of the artist’s website.

Fig. 2: Orville Peck for Alternative Press Magazine, January 2021

The first image is from a series of similar photographs created by Dayna Danger, well known contemporary artist from Winnipeg, Manitoba. The second image is Orville Peck's cover for Alternative Press magazine's January 2021 issue. In addition to the responsibility of the photographers and stylists to be researching artwork and influences and giving proper credit, it is also up to all parties to understand the colonial implications of the material culture represented in Peck's magazine cover.

Given that Peck is a white South African man I highly doubt he has an actual understanding of how North America was colonized, how animals like bison were hunted into near extinction by white settlers seeking to starve the First Nations and Métis people into extinction as a tool in their ongoing genocide. Many populations of native fauna are still recovering from this practice. In addition to slaughtering millions of animals, white settlers posed proudly with their trophies, mountains of skulls representing the loss of our animals and their triumph over nature and our people.

Fig. 3: Men standing with pile of buffalo skulls, Michigan Carbon Works, Rougeville MI, 1892. Photo from Burton Historical Collection, Detroit Public Library

Rather than providing an artistic compliment on the history of North American colonialism and cowboy culture, Orville Peck culture hopped from one settler-colonial state to another, to profit from and flatten the aesthetic into something simply rooted in queer culture rather than Black, Mexican, Métis, and First Nations communities and histories.

Works Cited:

Alternative Press. Orville Peck cover, January 2021.

Danger, Dayna. Big'Uns: Adrienne, 2017. https://www.daynadanger.com/photography

Tascheru Mamers, Danielle. Men standing with pile of buffalo skulls, Michigan Carbon Works, Rougeville MI, 1892. Photo from Burton Historical Collection, Detroit Public Library. December 2020.