#it's a PUZZLE!! a big ol' puzzle JUST FOR ME!!!!

[bumblebeebats]

I have come to admit that my own toxic trait is that i DO hold a quiet disdain for people who think that putting flatpack furniture together is hard. Why is IKEA furniture in particular regarded as some Ultimate Test for Couples - "If you build it without killing each other, he's the one, haha!" ???? Like, listen, I get it, i've got a fuck'd wrist nowadays so I DO find that hammering peg A into slot B is considerably more difficult than it used to be, but the task ITSELF? It's like building lego, y'all. Except that at the end of it, you end up with not just some sort of miniature spaceship (admittedly very cool, if not particularly useful) but a functional and stylish side table. It's the perfect enrichment. I smashed together three Billy bookcases last summer with nothing but a screwdriver, a pencil, and the love in my heart, and I had the time of my life. Do you, too, not feel a thrill in your heart at the satisfying feeling of a cam lock twisting into place? Do not the tiny little crinkly bags of screws remind you of candy wrappers to be torn open and piled gleefully upon the floor, like a child at Halloween emptying your haul onto the living room carpet? Am I the freak, or are you? I am willing to accept the former but i die on this hill regardless

[fisheito]

snakes have something called a jacobson's organ that allows them to smell. they stick out their tongue, and then when it enters their mouth again, the jacobson's organ processes what they just smelled with their tongue. i say this to propose that, after yakumo licks eiden's dick for a good 10 minutes, he closes his mouth and processes it all like O_____O

when i TELL YOU that this message left me bracing the wall like

(overwhelmed with positive affect)

[rararasputins-dick-mind-control]

im his favorite :D

[llumimoon]

guys the marloakworthy shenanigans that go on in my head on a daily basis i know could convert a few of you out there okay i promise its so fucking fun okay we have it all we have angst we have comfort we gave comedy we have fluff I PROMISE WHEN I GET MY MOTIVATION BACK YOU WILL ALL SEE HOW FUN IT IS OKAY I PROMMY

[stolenbythewestwind]

there is something inherently tragic yet freeing about knowing that, even though you didn't get what you needed when you were younger, it's still possible to build that life for yourself as an adult.

you're not trapped or destined for loneliness. you can always build. again and again and again, as many times as you need to. the love and the freedom and the kindness and the connection, it's all waiting for you. you'll get there.

[juupitrr]

suitcases man / vent

my sister came back from uni and moved back into her and i's room - which for the past 4-ish years has been mostly just /my/ room with her bed still in it for when she came over on holidays or moving between the uni years - and that meant she brought all her stuff with her and I had to move my stuff to make space.

I didn't realize it also meant moving my clothes and where i put them; like the suitcase I keep under her bed specifically at the far left end of it placed so I can pull it out, zip it open and take out the only 3 items that are in that suitcase, my black skater skirt, those black ankle socks I brought to kosov and never wore so keep there just incase, and that one corset top that came a day late than when I needed it.

When my dad helped her put her suitcases under her bed, they initially had to take out /my/ suitcase to make space for it then when they realized they had extra space, put my suitcase back in. In the far right side of the bed.

When my dad left I immediately went to it and fixed it and corrected it and my sister was looking at me weirdly "you're acting kinda ocd" "this is very ocd of you" and it annoyed me a lot because it was only recently that I've been comfortable with saying I have ADHD and she knew this and I thought the suitcase thing was another me or ADHD or both thing, so her naming it as something else just. it annoyed me. because I thought I finally had a kind of guide as to what certain things were and why. then in comes this whole new term id never considered that i now have to give a guest room in my head cuz now its circling in my thoughts a little in the back of my mind.

idk man just like, knowing what kind of neurodivergent u are is so fucking tough sometimes man, like why cant it be like the sorting hat or smn and it just tells u

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

the woobification of the lords is something ill never be able to wrap my head around 😭 its insane to me how people can have such a horrible interpretation of events and characters based off of what we have in the actual game

let me start off by saying that ALL FOUR LORDS DID HORRIBLE THINGS (INCLUDING THE DIMITRESCU DAUGHTERS) !

lady dimitrescu isnt some gentle giant who only hates men and loves women and treats them like queens and she just loves living a quiet life with her daughters, she kills and tortures people 😭😭 she like actively killed her maids and drank their blood 😭 they have a basement that has so much blood in it that it goes up to ethans THIGHS

they are muderous and SADISTIC, including the daughters

the woobfication of the dimitrescu daughters is always the most confusing to me. their faces are literally covered in BLOOD 😭😭 they chase ethan around and stab him will laughing and giggling, cassandra literally calls it a HUNT, it is fun to them and they enjoy it

people always try to frame it as ethan breaking into their homes while they are scared and afraid 😭 i can assure you that nobody is afraid of him at first 😭 they dont think hes an actual threat, thats why they toy with him. and dont act like they were unaware of what he wanted. they were all present at the family meeting with miranda, they were all present when they JARRED rosemary 😭 they know what ethan wants, they know who ethan is, to frame them as "minding their own business" is the most absurd interpreation you could make of them

they were all involved, they all knew what he wanted, and they all HAD what he wanted

you can feel sympathy for lady D, when she cries for her daughters with tears in her eyes, she loved them, they were her family, but you cannot deny the hypocrisy. "how can you kill my daughters for your own!" you have his daughters head in a pickle jar! her daughters werent innocent defenless babies who were scared of big ol ethan stomping around in their house, they have weapons! they wanted to hurt him, and they did, and when he fought back he won

i cannot stress enough that in every single fight, ethan is not the first to strike. he is either backed into a corner where its either his life or theirs, or he is literally being tortured/ chased around, what do you want him to do? these people have pieces of his baby, should he have lied down and died?? 😭

whenever ethan is in a situation where the other person isnt stabbing him in the abdomen 100 times he tries to HELP them 😭 he tries to help absoulute strangers of a village he doesnt even know while he knows his own daughter is missing, even when the stranger is also a jerk to him 😭 he wants allies, he isnt actively trying to make enemys, and before you cry "karl heisenberg!" im getting there...

the thing that bothers me with how people treat donna is that although she isnt the WORST she gets woobfied the MOST imo, like she is the ONLY lord (other than karl but hes a outlier because he wanted ethan to come over so they could make out on his bed) who actively lures ethan in, miss dimitrescus, yeah sure u could say that he trespassed, same with moreau, but donna literally LURES HIM IN with hallucinations of his DEAD WIFE, then OPENS THE DOOR for him and TAKES HIM DOWN THE ELEVATOR

she is literally one of the people who ACTIVELY leads him to where she is

she also uses psychological puzzles , like making ethan perform surgery on a wooden doll of his wife and making him run away from a monster that cries like a baby and calls him "dada" 😭 she did not need to do any of that... like at all 😭 she did it because she wanted to 😭 she is by no means innocent at all

she toyed with him for literally no reason other than her own desire and then ethan doesnt even intentionally kill her. he is in a situation where is his trapped in the house and has to find angie, the doll, to avoid being attacked by dolls with like 100 knives stapled onto them

its only when he defeats angie its revealed that he had actually stabbed DONNA. he didnt even intentionally kill her 😭

then moreau... poor moreau... 😭

moreau in my opinion is one of the more sympathetic lords. whoever he was in his life pre cadou has no influence or impact on his life post cadou, the cadou just wrecked his brain functions

all he is is just mirandas minion at this point, he only wants to please her and doesnt really think about anything else for himself 😭

i dont have much to say about moreau because theres not really many people who woobfiy him or pay him any attention really 😭 though i will say he was very unabashedly evil 😭 he did horrible things, such as eating the fishermen and his experiments with the cadou on the villagers, he did it for mirandas approval but its not a excuse for it, hes still a villian 😭 now we are onto karl.... this guy... the woobification of him is insane 😭 first of all, something i dont see people acknowledge is that he actually HAS killed villagers! no he doesnt just use dead bodies (which btw isnt really a step up 😭 some of u set the bar too low man) the lycan gauntlet that he made ethan run through? yeah, he used that before! he has an entire PA system set up in it! he has lights and huge spikey metal death traps! he did not make all of that just for ethan just to "play appearances" for miranda. there were other people who went through that. and they DIED!

their deceased bodies are still in there! karl is messed up and eccentric 😭 it makes him fun, let him be messed up and evil 😭 and yes, karl used DEAD bodies instead of killing people who were alive, so surely that makes him far less evil right?

WRONG! 😭

HE CONSIDERED USING LIVE BODIES FOR THE SOLDATS 😭

karl really isnt a good person, he has reasons for the things he does, he wants to take down miranda and i dont think hed be creating undead zombies in the first place if it werent for her ruining his life but that isnt justification, its just an explanation for why he does what he does. he has a sympathetic back story and motives but you cant erase what he did, hes a villain! he tries to use a baby as a weapon!!! all 4 of the lords are villains, and instead of making other characters worse to uplift your favorite character that did something bad, you can just accept that the character you like did bad things 😭 they are all fictional, if i like moreau it does not mean i endorse eating fishermen 😭 you can like a character that is flawed, or evil, or did insanely messed up things because its RESIDENT EVIL. they are EVIL! they do bad things! like im sorry! but if your fave has a villains wiki it probably means they did some bad things! 😭

i wish people would be able to enjoy a character without entirely dismissing the bad things they did. its okay to like a character that does bad things, its ok to find them interesting and fun! but you cant deny what actually happens in games to try and make them appear as innocent. you dont have to justify every little thing that they do, just accept them as a whole!

of course this doesnt apply to AUs or just posting for fun. you can change media to be what you want to make it more fun. im going to draw lady dimitrescu treating ethan like a unwanted family pet. does that mean that i think she would really do that in canon? no! she would bite him and then tie him up like a pinata and give her daughters blindfolds and bats!

but people need to be able to recognize that fanon is NOT canon.

this post is about canon interpretations,

this is just addressing people who genuinely believe that those kinds of portrayals of the character is an ACCURATE portrayal, because its not.

[drabblejester]

How would genshin impact characters or hsr characters respond if reader said “Do you still love me if I was a worm?”

would VARIOUS GENSHIN/HSR CHARACTERS still love you if you were a WORM?

requested by: anon :3

pairings: sampo, sparkle, neuvillette, and dottore x gn!reader

content warnings: none !

comments: the dottore is self indulgent sorry my liege. i love him

NEUVILLETTE:

You’re both sitting in his office, you pulled up in a comfortable chair while he sits in his throne-like one. You’re pretty empty brained, but a question soon pricks up. Would Neuvillette still love you if you were a worm?

You turn to him, blinking before asking the question. His gaze turns to you quickly, turning from attentive to confused in an instant. His eyes stare through yours.

“A worm?”

“Yes, a worm.”

“… Why would you suddenly turn into a worm?”

You hadn’t thought that far. You space out for a bit, mulling over the question in your head before deciding on an acceptable answer.

“That doesn’t matter- would you still love me?”

He thinks about the question heavily, bringing a finger up to his chin as he contemplated. Looks like the both of you really had to think about this.

“Mm. I would miss you, but I would still give you a plentiful enclosure. With many fruits, and plenty of dirt to.. squirm around in.”

You accept this answer, placing a light kiss to his nose before going off to your mind.

SPARKLE:

“Nope, I wouldn’t!”

Her answer is very plain and simple, grinning at you as if she just won an argument. You pout at her, how cruel!

“Wasn’t Aha’s emanator a worm? Why would I ever be different!” You yell (playfully), gently pushing Sparkle.

“I’d crush that little worm, and I’d crush you too and watch all your little wormy guts spill out! Bleegh!!” She cries, rushing towards your torso to reenact a FNAF jumpscare(THATS THE BEST WAY I COULD PUT THIS IM SORRY.)

You fall backwards to the floor, squirming around as she tries to grab at you again and again. If anything, you really look like a worm right now.

“What did I ever do to you! Wouldn’t even put me in a little box? Not even a fun one with glitter and flowers-“

“Not a chance!”

“Well, what would YOU do if YOU were turned into a worm?!”

She thought for a few seconds, before answering with a big, big smile. She approached you, skipping around you like she was playing ring-around-the-rosie.

“I’d expect you to make a massive enclosure just for me! And fresh food daily, and misting, and lots and LOTS of love…”

SAMPO:

You ask the question to him while you’re both on your phones, simply existing together. He turns to look at you with a puzzled expression, before it softens up again.

“Ohoh- isn’t this one of those little coupley questions~?” He purrs, gently tapping his fist against the top of your head. His smile is contagious, resulting in you inheriting it as well.

“Well, good ol Sampo ‘Worm Expert’ Koski will be HAPPY to answer your question! Ahem, excuse me-“

Sampo proceeds to fix his hair dramatically, clearing his throat before adjusting the collar of his shirt. You watch him as if you’re watching your favorite show.

“A nice little glass enclosure so I can look at you, some fruits and veggies, oats- do you like oats still? Oh, so what- I’m getting off-track!” He whines.

His little performance totally captures you, and you find your head being moved to his lap rather quickly. You stare up at him, one hand folded over his as you watch him ramble.

“-And regular watering, making sure your enclosure is nice and wet. Don’t forget the temperature just to your liking! And some other things…”

DOTTORE:

You’re met with a dismissive grunt from him as soon as you even speak. He waves his hand in your direction halfhazardly, going back to the little engineering project.

“Did you even hear me? I said-“

“-I heard you just fine. I’m not answering your question, go ask another segment.” He grumbles, in a mildly annoyed mood (as always).

You wind up leaving his office, going down the darkened corridors to find another segment to answer your question. Although you pass multiple of them, they all seem busy and unwilling to talk.

Eventually you stumble across the perfect segment to ask. Yet again, you repeat the question. He simply looks at you strange, before going back to walking down the hallway.

“Can you hear correctly?” You shout after him, to no response. He could hear you just fine- he just didn’t have an answer.

You carry on the hallway, and into rooms, for a very long time. The moon sets and the sun rises before an answer finally creeps up on you.

Dottore puts an ungloved hand on your shoulder from behind you, glancing up and down at you. Your breath hitches in your chest, awaiting some lovely and well-thought out answer, totally befitting of the Doctor-

“No.”

Dottore walks away, leaving you unloved as a worm.

my lieges would you still enjoy me if i was a worm

[themuseofaphrodite]

can’t turn back now ✧ OB87

summary: ollie bearman may be the most popular boy in his year, but even he has trouble with asking his crush out on a date. 

trigger warnings: suggestive content, swearing

word count: 1.1k

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

Only three more days remained until the winter formal, and Ollie Bearman still hadn’t asked his crush out. It was so embarrassing, how his throat dried up and his hands became extra clammy whenever he was around you. He’d tried at least seven times, but it was like a spell was cast every time he attempted to bring up the conversation. You were so beautiful, with cinnamon ringlets and bright green eyes, and a laugh that sounded like twinkling bells. It wasn’t just your beauty that made him dumbstruck; you were super smart and funny too. On top of that, you never hung on to him or made him feel as if he was being used for a leg up in the social pyramid of school. You were special, and he wanted you to know that.

How would he do that, though?

He didn’t want to be too sappy, because you’d told him before that grand romantic gestures repulsed you. “It’s too similar to a romcom. Cute, but it should stay on a telly screen.” That crossed out every idea he had so far: a big bouquet of flowers sent to your dorm, writing a puzzle in the school newspaper for you to solve…

“Hey, Ollie!” you called out, jarring him out of his thoughts. You jogged up to him with a big smile plastered on your face as you asked, “Are you ready for this weekend?”

Ollie blushed. “Yeah, kind of. All my friends have dates, so I’ll probably be seventh-wheeling if things don’t change soon.”

“Aw, Ol,” you mock-pouted. “Poor you, most popular boy in year twelve. And you can’t find a girl to ask out? I think I know at least ten who’d gladly accept your offer.”

The only girl I want to ask out is you, but I can’t fucking talk when I’m around you, he thought frustratedly. “Yeah, I have someone in mind. Just, um, waiting for the right moment.” He tilted his head to look down at you, a shy smile dancing on his lips. “What’s up, though, Y/N?”

“Oh, um, I was wondering if you knew whether we had an exam in literature today. Penny keeps telling me we are, but I think she’s tricking me.” Your best friend Penny loved making you panic over exams, since she knew how seriously you took them. This time, she’d roped all your other friends into her prank, so you weren’t sure if you should take her for her word or not. “Do you have any idea if she’s right? Or did she get to you too?”

Ollie shook his head. “No, I don’t think we do. Professor Gilliam would have told us for sure.” “Yeah, on that damn cursed blackboard,” you responded, nodding your head in agreement. “Fucking Penny keeps lying to me. I’m so annoyed.” “Sorry, Y/N,” Ollie said apologetically, bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. He curled his hands into fists, preparing himself for what he would do next. “Anyways, I had a question of my own to ask you. Um…”

You looked up at him, subconsciously leaning forward like Ollie was about to tell you a secret. “Don’t tell me you stole Gilliam’s planner and you want my help to hide it.”

Ollie laughed, but it sounded shrill and fake to his ears. “No, definitely not. Um, it’s something else.” He worried at his lower lip, thinking how best to phrase this. “The winter formal is coming up, and I was wondering…” 

You blinked up at him, still confused. 

This is the point of no return, Ollie mused internally. Please God, don’t let me fuck this up.

“I was wondering if you would do me the honors of being my date?” he finally spat out, the words clipped and almost indecipherable.

Your face froze in shock, jaw dropping a moment later as your brain processed what Ollie had said. “You…You want me to be your date?” you stammered out.

Ollie nodded, panic starting to well up in his gut, his fight-or-flight response activating the longer you didn’t say yes. He steeled himself, willing himself not to bolt or melt into a puddle of mush on the pathway where you stood. “Yeah. If you want. If you already have a date, I understand. It’s totally OK, Y/N, if you don’t want to go with me.”

“Oh…Ol…” You looked up at him through your eyelashes, clasping your hands behind your back. “Of course I’d like to be your date. I was wondering when you’d grow the balls to ask me out.”

A surge of relief flooded through Ollie and he let out a long sigh. “Thank God. I was worried I’d have to change my name and leave the country, that’s how mortified I’d be.”

“You think I’d really say no to you?” You questioned him, crinkling your nose. “That would be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, and I once cut my own bangs.”

Ollie rubbed the back of his neck, still in shock. “Your bangs are beautiful, Y/N.”

“Yeah, now that I let a professional cut them,” you shot back, giggling. “Not all of us can have perfectly styled hair all the time, Bearman.”

“I might have perfectly styled hair, but you’re fully perfect in my eyes, L/N,” Ollie retorted, his chin jutting out defiantly. “I didn’t ask out those other girls because I knew I wanted to ask you.”

You put your hands on your hips, beaming like a beautiful ray of sunshine. “Yet it took you almost a fortnight to do so. Imagine.”

“You try asking your crush out to a dance, and then you’ll see.”

“I almost had to because you were such a scaredy cat!” you chortled, nudging Ollie playfully on the shoulder. “But it worked out. Guess I’m stuck with you for a while now, hm?”

Ollie elbowed you back. “Hey, Y/N! I’m not that much of a hassle. You know you adore me.”

“Sure, Bearman. Whatever lets you sleep easy at night,” you teased lightheartedly.

“Don’t even deny it. Why else would you stick by me? For my social status? You and I both know you don’t care about that. So, it has to be my charm and good looks.”

“Someone has an ego,” you chaffed. “But you’re not wrong. It’s something about that dopey face that really drew me in.” Thank you, God, for giving me the courage to ask this girl out and the charm to be approved by her, Ollie thought to himself, suppressing a smile as he listened to you talk.

He absolutely could not wait for Saturday to arrive.

⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

[chamomiletealeaf]

This was kind of inspired by the conversation @captainswhore and I had about Price getting horny watching you wash his car in a bikini lol but I decided to write this with Soap.

Warnings: tit fucking, playful banter, suggestive gestures and innuendos, Johnny makes reader orgasm from water pressure from a hose 🫣

Soap on leave seeing you, a cute little thing at a charity car wash washing someone's car and imagining how you'd look all soaked and wet from the sudsy water while you washed his 4 Runner (@brewed-pangolin has me fully convinced Soap has a 4 Runner).

You're wearing a white T-shirt and a pretty little yellow bikini underneath it while you and your friends wash people's cars for donations for veterans.

Soap sees the sign and smirks to himself, knowing he could probably get himself a private show watching you wash his car if he pulled the military card on you.

He pulls up and you go up to his car letting him know about the cause and asking if he'd be willing to donate in exchange for a car wash.

He smiles at you and says:

"Of course lass, I'm a soldier myself. This is very sweet of you." He says as he shows you his identification.

Your eyes light up as you smile big.

"Oh! Then you don't need to pay anything! I'd be happy to wash your car for you for free sir!" You say so enthusiastically it almost melts Johnny's heart.

Then he smirks devilishly as he lowers his voice a little bit.

"Say, if you insist on washing this dirty ol' thing for free then I gotta give you something in return at least huh bonnie." He says and you blush, noting the smirk on his face and tone of voice in his suggestive statement.

"Oh no sir, don't worry about it, I'd be happy to do it for nothing in return. Least I can do for all of your service." You say, then add one more thing quietly after looking around to see if anyone would hear, but your friends are busy with other customers.

"If you'd like, you can drive around back and I can give you a private show." You say, feeling more confident and he smiles.

"Sounds lovely lass." He says, and you bite back a smile then direct him around to the back.

You grab a bucket and sponge and walk back to meet him.

When you get back there, you're surprised to see that he's outside of his car, leaning against the wall waiting for you and he notices your shock.

"What? I'm getting a private show, might as well make sure I see all of it." He says and you giggle, the handsome man making you feel ditzy.

You turn on the hose and spray his car, not giving him what he wants just yet.

"So, what exactly do you do in the military?" You ask him, trying to start conversation.

"Classified honey." He says, crossing his arms and you try to discreetly rub your thighs together at the pet name.

"Ok well, how long have you been in the military?"

"Since I was a lad. Been there for a long while." He says, and the hose suddenly changes pressure and spats out water against you, wetting the front of your white t shirt.

You yelp as the water seeps into your shirt, exposing your yellow bikini underneath which makes Johnny bite back a smile.

"Sorry." You giggle. "Wasn't expecting that."

He watches you rinse down his car then you grab the soap bucket and wring out the sponge, some soapy water getting on your thighs and dripping down.

"You know, my callsign is Soap." He says, and you look at him puzzled.

"Really? Why's that? Or is that classified too?" You say smugly teasing him, and he laughs.

"Smart wee thing aren't you." He says and you wink at him.

"My real name's Johnny." He says, and you say your name back.

"I'm y/n." And he repeats it back with a smile.

"Pretty just like you." He says, and you blush.

The sight of your white shirt being soaked, sticking to your chest and the sudsy water dripping down your thighs making your skin glisten has Johnny adjusting his pants where he stands watching you, and you notice, but you love it. He was so hot. It's not everyday you see a man as fine as him, so you took advantage of the situation.

"Ugh shirt's getting in the way." You say, and slowly strip the now soaking shirt off of your body.

Johnny then takes a seat by the lawn chair next to him and leans back with his arms crossed and legs open, really taking in the sight in front of him.

"Fuck" He whispers under his breath as the water and soap drip down your pretty body.

You walk around the car in front of Johnny and lean forward, bending over to exaggerate your scrubs of the sponge on the hood of his car giving him the perfect view of your ass and covered pussy obstructed by the yellow fabric.

You bend down to dip the sponge in the bucket and stay bent over for as long as you can, really letting Johnny get a good look at your ass and thighs before you come back up to continue washing the car.

Johnny watches with his lips slightly parted and he adjusts his hips in his seat with a grunt, his pants getting more and more uncomfortable by the second.

You then move to the hood of the car so Johnny can see the whole side of your body as you seductively wring the excess water in the sponge out onto your chest, the soapy water running down your body.

Johnny reaches a hand down to palm the bulge in his jeans as he grunts out an audible "fuck" and you giggle again, pressing your chest against the hood of the car as you wash it.

You continue teasing Johnny as you wash his car, then go to grab the hose to rinse the soap off.

You then move to the side of the car in front of Johnny again after turning on the hose, and rinse the soap off your ass before rinsing the car.

"You wanna help me rinse?" You turn back with puppy eyes and ask Johnny, and in record timing he's stood up and pressed to your back.

He watches the soapy water run down your ass and the backs of your thighs and he can't take it anymore. He grips your hips and makes a satisfied grunting noise.

"Well fuck me dolly, aren't you a little tease." He says into your ear as you push your ass back into him with a giggle.

"C'mon, help me out. Can't wash this car all by myself, sir." You say, and Johnny moans at you calling him sir and wiggling your ass against his now rock hard dick.

Johnny lets go of your hips and goes to unbuckle his belt and pulling his thick cock out of his jeans, and you giggle again as you feel it slap against your lower back.

Johnny kicks your feet out and slaps your ass, the suds sticking to his hand from the impact and flying off from the speed he takes his hand away.

You yelp and Johnny laughs.

"Aww wasn't expecting that were you bonnie?" He says as he slides his cock between your thighs, making you moan.

"This ok?" He whispers, and you whimper, pushing back against him, urging him to continue.

Johnny smiles against your ear and he begins to thrust, fucking your thighs nice and good, the soapy water making his cock slide easily between them.

Johnny leans back gripping your hips as he watches how the impact of his hips against your ass makes your ass and thighs jiggle and he grips your hair, pushing you down against the car hood.

"Such a fuckin' tease aren't ye." He says and you moan, his cock sliding between your thighs hitting your clit perfectly through your yellow, skimpy, bikini bottoms. "Such a bonnie little thing. Bet this pussy is even prettier aye?" He says then smacks your ass again before he continues to fuck your thighs harder.

You grip the sponge in your hand and push back against him with a whimper, blissed out from the feeling of him and his words.

"Turn around. Need to see these tits." He says, then grips you by the shoulders to spin you around, suds sticking to your chest.

"Fuck me." He says, and you smirk, pushing your tits together to tease him yet again, which sets him off.

His eyes darken as he grabs you by your elbow and pulls you to the chair behind him as he sits down.

"On your knees. Gonna fuck these perfect fuckin' tits. All soaped up and ready for me."

You get on your knees and tug the tops of your bikini top down a bit so that your nipples are barely peeking out of them. You then grip Johnny's cock and give it a few tugs before sliding it between your tits, the string of the bikini restraining his cock from moving out from between them.

You start to bounce up and down on your knees, not caring about the painful gravel digging into your skin as you titty fuck him.

"Oh my god fuck. That's it. Bounce those tits on me." Johnny moans and throws his head back.

You continue to fuck him with your tits, looking up at him with puppy eyes and a smirk, the soapy water beginning to soak his jeans under your breasts.

You look down and watch the tip of his cock appear and disappear between your tits covered in soapy water and you moan at the sight.

Johnny is a mess above you, panting like a dog with his cheeks flushed and he watches you titty fuck him in your skimpy little bikini and he swears he's never seen anything so fucking hot before.

"Cum on my tits." You whimper out, and Johnny moans.

"Want you to cum all over my tits. Please sir, need it so bad." You say, and Johnny moves your hands from your tits so he can squeeze them together now to fuck them himself. You move your hands to his thighs and let him use your pretty body.

Johnny squishes your tits together and thrusts his hips up into them and you stick your tongue out, catching a tiny lick to his tip every time he thrusts.

"Most perfect fuckin' tits I've ever seen. Gonna make a mess of them. Gonna cum all over these bonnie tits hm? That what you want dolly? Want me to fuck your tits nice and good?" Johnny moans out to you and you nod with a whimper.

You go to untie your bikini top, letting it loosely fall around your tits, and Johnny grunts at the sight of more of your chest being exposed.

"Yeah just like that. Such a good girl, makin' herself all pretty for me." He says, his thrusts getting messier and the mixture of water, soap, and precum smacking against your tits making a loud sloppy noise.

"Open your mouth honey. Stick out that tongue for me. Thaaat's it. Such a good girl aren't ye. Fuck I'm gonna cum. Such a bonnie fuckin' sight." He says as you stick your tongue out, waiting for him to shoot his cum all over your mouth and tits.

Johnny thrusts a few more times before his cheeks flush and he cums so hard he shoots his cum onto your tits and tongue, and some even getting up onto your cheek, which makes you giggle.

He's vocal, and loud, but you think it's adorable. He looks so fucking hot sitting above you like this, his cock nestled between your tits.

"Fuck lass. That- You're fuckin' amazing." He says as he bends down to help you off the ground and into his lap.

You place your forehead against his as he comes down from his orgasm.

"Wanna rinse me off?" You ask, nibbling his ear.

"Fuck you're dangerous aren't you dolly. Dirty wee thing." He says with a smile and you giggle.

You get off his lap to hand him the hose but he grabs you by the hips so you sit down in his lap, back against his chest.

"Wait you're gonna get wet!" You exclaim to him with genuine concern and he pinches your cheek, thinking you look so fucking adorable looking at him like that.

"Don't you worry about that lass. Lemme take care of ye now. You've been so good to me now haven't you." He says as he spreads your legs to rest each one over his knees.

He brings the hose up to your chest and watches over your shoulder how the mess he made along with the soap washes away and he coos at you.

"See? Isn't that better honey?" He says, and you moan at the feeling of the nice cool water against your skin during the hot summer day.

Then, Johnny moves the hose down your body slowly, rinsing off your torso and thighs and making you wiggle as he gets closer and closer to your pussy.

He smirks as an idea pops into his head.

"How 'bout we move these out the way hm? Let me make you feel good yeah?" He says into your ear as he plays with the bow on the side of your bikini bottoms and you nod in anticipation of what he's going to do next.

Johnny unties the bow holding your bikini bottoms up on your hips and he pulls the fabric away from your pussy. You blush as you realize you're on display for him and he laughs darkly at the sight of how wet you are.

"Can tell yer so fuckin' wet even with all this water on ye."

Johnny rubs your thighs and playfully pinches and smacks your clit before he runs the water stream over your pussy.

"Oh fuck." You moan and arch your back against him.

"Uh uh, sit still for me aye?" He says as he grips your thigh from under your knee to keep it open.

Then, Johnny turns up the water pressure on the hose and directs the stream over your clit and you yelp in pleasure.

"Ah oh my god! Johnny!" You say in surprise but you can't help your eyes from rolling back from how good the water pressure feels against your clit.

"That feel good bonnie? Feels nice up on your cute wee clit like that doesn't it." Johnny coos in your ear as you whimper.

Johnny's pants are completely soaked but he doesn't care, not when he's got a sweet pretty little thing like you wiggling and moaning in his lap.

"Yeah that's it. Keep those legs open for me. Wanna see you cum." He says, hand still holding your thigh open against him.

It doesn't take long for the pleasure to build and your at the edge.

"Oh Johnny. Fuck I'm- Oh my god I'm gonna cum." You whimper out with tears pricking at your eyes from how good it feels and how hot it is to be held in his lap like this.

Johnny turns to whisper in your ear but he keeps his eyes on your pussy being sprayed by the hose.

"Do it bonnie. Cum for me. Been so good. Lemme see that pretty little pussy throb." He says, and that's all it takes for you to cum.

You throw your head back and your eyes unfocus as you cum, legs shaking in Johnny's grasp.

You cum so hard you feel your cunt pounding between your legs and Johnny watches as your clit twitches.

"Yeahhh that's it. Yeah just like that dolly. Cummin' all nice and pretty for me." Johnny says, talking you through your orgasm.

Johnny leaves the stream going for a few seconds before turning it off.

"You ok lass?" He asks, and you nod panting, leaning your head back against his shoulder.

"C'mon, let's get you a dry shirt. Don't want you to be cold." He says as he strips off his shirt and pulls it over your head to dress you.

"There. Looks better on you than me." He says with a smirk and you laugh.

Johnny ties your bikini bottoms back up and you then try to get up but your legs shake, so he catches you and holds you up.

"Woah careful now." He says, strong arms wrapping around you.

You compose yourself and you both walk towards the car. He walks you to the driver's side then open the door, rummaging through the glove box for something. He pulls out a notepad and pen and writes something down before ripping the page out and handing it to you.

"Here. Maybe we can go on a proper date sometime." He says, and you take the paper, realizing it's his number.

"I'd love that." You say, smiling up at him. "Considering you made me cum my brains out." You add, making him laugh.

He hops into his car and turns to you to say something before closing the door.

"Oh and uh, hopefully your friends don't notice your shirt. Or the state your legs are in." He says smugly, and you playfully hit his chest while rolling your eyes.

"Ugh, get out of here, before they actually notice." You say, and he closes the door and rolls down the window.

"Hopefully your friends don't notice your pants." You say to him referencing his soaking wet jeans.

"They'll probably be too blinded by how shiny my car is to notice." He says with a wink and you blush.

"Call me tonight?" He asks, and you nod. He then starts the engine of his 4 Runner and drives away after blowing you a kiss jokingly and you roll your eyes again.

You made your way back to your friends and they were so busy with customers they didn't notice you were gone. Hopefully they don't notice the paper with a certain soldier's number sticking out of the bow of your bikini bottoms, or the way you had a silly smile on your face for the rest of the day.

Washing cars was the best thing you and your friends ever did.

[rafescvntyclubgf]

Relax, Sweetness - JJ Blurb

+18 Minor DNI

JJ x GF!Reader

⭐ republished ⭐

+18 Minor DNI

🪄 Warnings: smut, language, pet names, gunplay, cum tasting, brief unprotected p in v

📖 JJ enlists his girlfriend (reader) for a little help christening his gun.

✨ “You don’t trust me?” He gives you a crooked smile, lifting the gun up to his head, pulling the trigger. You hear the clinking of metal on metal making you gasp. “So… We good? You gonna help me, angel girl?” ✨

700 words

Reader’s POV:

“Don’t you think it’s a little much, Jayj? Do you really need a gun?” You ask wearily, cocking an eyebrow at your boyfriend who’s a little too excited about his new gun as he moves around his room stealthily, aiming at invisible bad guys as you continue to read your book.

“‘Course I do, princess.” He gives you a smirk, cigarette dangling from his lips, nothing but some white boxers on his tanned body.

“Why though?”

“Protection, doll. Think of it like a condom. Yeah? Ya keep it in your pocket, just in case. Wouldn’t wanna risk not having one of those. Same shit,” he chuckles raspily; twirling the gun around his finger.

“Is it loaded?” You whisper.

“Nah… Used all the bullets up this afternoon.”

“Doing what, JJ?”

“Shootin’ stuff.”

“Like…”

“Cans, mom. I was shooting cans with Pope, alright? What are you so worried about?” He chuckles as he saunters your way, ashing his cigarette out on your metal bed frame. He turns his hat backward as he leans in a little closer, giving you a sweet kiss. “I know what you’re gonna say-”

“You, Jayj. M’worried about you. Why would you all of a sudden need a gun?”

“I’ve always needed a gun,” he mumbles. “And, could you stop bringin’ down the room? It’s fine. It’s fine. Alright? Nothin’ to worry about. Papa J is safe. Even safer now. One regret, though… One big ole regret. Never got to christen this thing.”

“Christen your gun… How do you do that?” You ask, apprehensively.

“With good pussy,” he chuckles, his response making your heart race as you puzzle together what he wants to do with your help.

“It’s not loaded… Like – Are you sure?” You ask weakly, feeling a steady pulse between your thighs, terrified but excited all at the same breath.

“You don’t trust me?” He gives you a crooked smile, lifting the gun up to his head, pulling the trigger. You hear the clinking of metal on metal making you gasp. “So… We good? You gonna help me, angel girl?”

“Yeah-” He pushes you back on the mattress, flipping your skirt before you can change your mind. JJ loops his fingers around the string of your panties, tugging them away.

You feel the chill of the metal against your warm skin as JJ traces the gun higher and higher. Goosebumps spread across your body as he reaches your inner thigh, making you draw in slightly. “Relax, sweetness. You’re safe. Alright?” He mumbles as he crawls a little closer.

“Fuckkk,” he moans as the gun hits your slick, gliding through your folds. He plays a little more, collecting your essence on the muzzle. JJ swirls the tip gently on your clit, watching as you whimper and moan below him. Your eyes widen as he moves lower, assuming what’s to come.

“Uh – Jayj? I… Um,” you stammer as you prop yourself up on your elbows.

“My cock’s bigger,” he rasps, giving you a little wink before pressing it inside, making you toss your head back.

“Shit, JJ,” you gasp.

“My girl likes it. Huh?” He lowers himself to your lips as he strokes nice and slow. Your tongue greets his, reeling as he swallows moan after moan.

You feel him draw it out completely, eyeing the weapon glazed with your wetness. “Beautiful,” he groans. “For you.” He extends it your way, your hand trembles as you take it off his. JJ rolls to his back, working his boxers off his hips, tossing them to the side. “Co’mere, darlin’,” he drawls.

You hover over his rock-hard cock, gun clasped in your other hand. “Now what, Jayj?” You smile. He clasps your hips, lowering you slowly down on his length until you’re fully sat.

“Look at you,” he praises. His baby blues brimming with lust. “Fuck. You look good.” JJ’s hands rest on the fullness of your hips, looking at you hungrily as his tongue glides along his bottom lip. “Let me taste it.”

“Jayj…”

“C’mon,” his lips part ever so slightly. The gun passing his lips. JJ sucks off your slick, eyes rolling back as a deep moan rumbles in his chest. His eyes flutter shut, sucking all the way back to the tip. “So fuckin’ sweet,” he groans as you rest the piece down on the comforter. He smacks your ass roughly, soothing the sting with his heavy hands as he grips your ass. “That’s how it’s done, baby.” JJ reaches up, wrapping his hand around the back of your neck, towing you close. “How’d that feel?” He whispers as his lips graze yours slowly.

“Good,” you giggle breathily, still riding an indescribable high. You start to wind your hips, grinding on his cock as he smiles against your lips.

“Just another reason I needed that gun, Princess.”

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[blueskittlesart]

i kinda really wanna see a big ol vent/rant from you about genshin now lol. I would read an essay

I'm not sure you understand the insanity you just unlocked in me but ok

genshin impact is probably the clearest modern example i can think of of capitalism absolutely eviscerating a creative project. For context, I started playing genshin in 2021, just after the 1.4 update. it was venti's first rerun/the first windblume festival if that means something to you. and I really genuinely thought that it might have had something special. It was a gacha that didn't FEEL like a gacha, which was a huge feat to me.

it began with a very simple story pitch--you, the protagonist, are one of a set of twin siblings traveling through space. you come upon a seemingly unassuming world and your attempts to continue your journey are suddenly stopped by a mysterious, all-powerful figure. you are separated from your sibling and wake up alone on the shores of this planet you were attempting to leave together. throughout that opening cutscene and scattered through the world and your character's dialog there are implications that all is not as it seems, that your character is something unique to this world and that they possess powers and abilities that you've yet to unlock. You are told that you must travel the seven nations of this world in order to find your sibling, which is great--a simple, zelda-like objective which drives the player to explore the secondary narratives of the world. none of this is bad on the surface. in fact i'd argue it's pretty good. there's a ton that can be done with these story bones. even at launch the map and combat system were full of potential as well.

Note: for ease of reading, i'm going to label the different storylines of the game now. A-plot refers to the central objective of the entire game; the find-your-sibling plot and everything that encompasses, including the abyss order/dain, the heavenly principles, the fake sky, etc. B-plot refers to the secondary objective present in each new nation, usually meeting the archon and/or solving a problem for the archon. (A and B-plots will occasionally intersect.) C-plot refers to any story, location, or background information which remains in permanent gameplay but which isn't directly related to the A or B-plots, such as dragonspine, the chasm, enkanomiya, etc. D-plot refers to any story, location, or background information which is confined to limited-time events and does NOT remain in permanent gameplay, regardless of its connection or lack thereof to the A and B-plots, such as the golden apple archipelago, the infamous albedo/dragonspine event, the infamous kaeya/diluc event, etc. Lore as i will refer to it in this post refers to any information which is present in permanent gameplay but which is not directly told to the player within the A or B-plot story quests and objectives, including books, weapon, artifact, and item descriptions, world quest dialog and puzzles, etc.

So now we're in mid-2021, there are two nations' worth of B-plot story quests released in full, and we've run into our first problem, which is that the game isn't finished yet. I don't have any actual information about how the game was/is written, but based on what i've observed over the past few years, my best guess is that the A-plot has been fully written since the beginning, at least in some form. there were very early-game events and information pertaining to the A-plot that would take years to see any actual payoff in the main story quests (kaeya's origin story, the 1.3 scaramouche fake-sky drop, the flowers in lumine's hair, etc.) but those kinds of A-plot story easter eggs very quickly dropped off when the game absolutely EXPLODED during the pandemic.

this sudden burst in popularity was the true beginning of the end for genshin, i think, because suddenly they had a HUGE fanbase that desperately wanted more content faster than they could pump out new A-plot or even B-plot story quests. one of the most pervasive complaints about the game when I began playing in 2021 was that there was nothing to do between story quests. update 1.4 (which was the update I started playing at) was important in that it was the first time since genshin's release over a year before that players recieved any new A-plot, in the form of the archon quest We Will Be Reunited, also known as the quest with the most fucking misleading name of all time. you'll never guess what doesn't fucking happen during this quest. anyways. we were a year into gameplay, two nations out of seven released and a third on the not-so-distant horizon, and it seemed obvious that players were owed some sort of A-plot payoff. and that's very much what WWBR was advertised as, from the quest's name to the banners full of art of the twins staring wistfully at each other. The thing is, what i'm describing as A-plot payoff was actually. not really A-plot payoff at all. WWBR was the reveal that the protagonist's sibling was working with the abyss order, and that the abyss order was connected somehow to Khaenri'ah, which at this point casual players would only have known about from THAT QUEST and MAYBE kaeya's character descriptions if they were diligent enough to get him to friendship level 10 (which, btw there is no indication that you should do to get important context about the story of the game, because kaeya is a 4-star starter character and the only character in the entire game that actually has genuinely important story hidden in his character descriptions.) So what I'm calling A-plot payoff felt at the time a lot less like A-plot payoff than it did like an abyss sibling cameo in an attempt to satiate everyone who was begging for more story. We actually gained almost net 0 information. this is very quickly going to become a pattern.

As I've already alluded to, the motives behind this writing decision are transparently obvious. Genshin is a free gacha game which relies on a consistently active and engaged userbase to make its money. With fans getting restless about the lack of engaging story at the time and a new, very ambitious B-plot quest gearing up for release that would require major support from that fan base in order to remain profitable, the writers were backed into a corner. they HAD to throw the fans some sort of bone in order to keep them engaged with the A-plot, since it was originally pitched as the driving force for the story as a whole, but they were also clearly not at a stage of the writing process where it was prudent to give the player any REAL information about the A-plot. This is how we ended up with a 10-second abyss sibling cameo and an offhanded mention of Khaenri'ah, a nation whose plot-relevance was at that point still basically unknown.

The real problem is, WWBR worked. at least, it worked as intended at the time. It satiated story-focused fans in the interlude between B-plot nations, as hyv was gearing up to release inazuma, which required a lot of time in preparation. WWBR was followed almost immediately by the C-plot golden apple archipelago in 1.6, widely regarded as one of the better events of version 1. GAA was memorable especially because it was the first event that involved an entirely new, limited-time-only map, meaning the event had much more longevity than the standard events players were used to. This is, imo, most likely the update combination that led to the standard formula which hyv uses for its quests and events nowadays. the back-to-back release of WWBR and GAA satisfied both fans who wanted A-plot story AND silenced criticisms about the game lacking endgame playability, which at the time must have seemed like a goldmine to writers desperate for a solution to their content-to-fanbase ratio problem.

From here, genshin started following a standard method of release for their next three nations--inazuma, sumeru, and fontaine. the formula generally went as follows: one major version update (usually version x.0) containing a major map update which included all B-plot relevant locations in the new nation, and the first chapter of the B-plot story quest relevant to that nation. this would then be followed by 2-3 version updates which would each contain the next chapter in the nation's B-plot story quest, sequentially. After the nation's B-plot quest ended, during the downtime in which the next nation's story and map would be finalized, subsequent updates would be largely C-plot, and would contain minor expansions of the map to increase endgame playability via exploration and world quests. This is how we ended up with updates like the chasm, the several extra islands in inazuma, and the quite frankly ridiculously large sumeru map, as well as the offloaded maps like enkanomiya and the sea of bygone eras. with the possible exception of the chasm, none of these areas are A OR B-plot relevant. hyv has realized that artificially inflating the map makes their game technically more engaging during the downtime between nations. However, this comes at a price. While the scenery and set design of the game remains consistently beautiful, the actual, mechanical gameplay that populates that scenery very quickly became mind-numbingly boring if not borderline unplayable. While the 1.0 questlines were not perfect, there was at least an emphasis on the player actually DOING things. 1.0 B-plot quests would have you going to mini-dungeon temples and completing challenges which would acclimate you to the combat system while also serving narrative purpose. There were quests that required you to navigate open-world dungeons. Because your characters were lower-level, combat challenges that arose during these quests were CHALLENGES, rather than two-second buttonmashing segments. By the time we get to sumeru, though, both B-plot AND C-plot quests have become little more than moving your character from location to location and tapping through (usually unvoiced) dialog. there's no GAMEPLAY in the quests anymore, because gameplay isn't what makes money. What DOES make money is giving players 300 hidden chests to find in an open-world map segment, each of which gives them 1/80th of a gacha pull. And so the story suffers and the map gets bigger.

Along with the map expansions, downtime between nations usually also nets us one A-plot quest, usually involving the character dainslief, who was the driver of the initial WWBR quest. This is the second half of hyv's magical formula for keeping fans happy between major releases. the A-plot quests will, as a general rule, give players either very little new information or no new information at all, but will dress up the delivery in such a way that it ALMOST feels as though the protagonist has moved forward somehow. the most recent example of this writing style, the 4.7 quest bedtime story, amounts to about an hour and a half of gameplay and, while it DOES contain a segment in which the protagonist finally actually has a conversation with their sibling, that conversation literally begins with the line "I have so many questions, but for some reason I don't want to ask them right now," ensuring that the sibling will not actually be required to give away any plot-relevant information whatsoever, and the quest ends with the protagonist FORGETTING THAT THE CONVERSATION EVER HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

As I think I mentioned before, the cardinal problem of genshin impact's writing is that fans want answers faster than the writers are prepared to give them. I don't doubt that there's a game bible or relevant equivalent somewhere within hyv which contains the explanations we are currently lacking in regards to the A-plot. the game is consistent enough in its storytelling for me to believe that this isn't all just being made up as we go along. But I'm also certain that a lot of the late-game A and B-plot that is planned (especially if the Khaenri'ah is truly planned to be the 8th nation of the game) hinges on the player knowing very little about the A-plot. this would be fine if genshin was a standard single-release video game that players could work through at their own pace, but it isn't. it's unfinished, and each nation in the game releases months to years after the last, leaving the writers to scramble to fill in the gameplay gaps and players struggling to remember plot-relevant information when it's brought up literal years after they last heard it mentioned. Not only does the time between updates leave players frustrated about the lack of A-plot, it makes the A-plot harder to understand when it is brought up, because the writers are required to throw in so much dense C and D-plot just to keep engagement high enough to make the game profitable in its downtime. we joke about the insane convolution of genshin's lore, but that is first and foremost a byproduct of its financial model. the game requires engaement to be profitable, and adding lore for players to look into drives up engagement. The fact that having so much story with so little plot relevance muddies the waters and makes the A and B-plot stories considerably harder to understand doesn't matter as long as money is being made.

I want to take a quick detour here to talk about the release of sumeru specifically, because this is when I really began to clock the fact that genshin was declining. on paper, racial sensitivity issues aside (Not that they're not important, but i'm doing this deep dive from a storytelling and game design point of view, nothing else. that's a whole can of worms i don't have time to get into here) sumeru was a really promising addition to the game. The new B-plot quest which was set to drop in 3.0 was highly anticipated for several reasons. Two fan-favorite characters (kaeya and scaramouche) were expected to play major roles, because of earlier C and B-plot quests, and much of the nation's scenery that was teased in trailers and promotional content appeared to tie into the A-plot. the most exciting draw about sumeru and version 3.0, though, was the major update to the combat system.

Arguably genshin impact's most interesting feature upon release was its combat system. The map was basically a botw clone at that point, and the story quests, while decently engaging, were rough around the edges to say the least. What genshin DID have going for it was a unique real-time combat system that rewarded strategy and quick thinking.

Genshin's combat system is elemental, and on release there were 6 elemental affiliations: anemo (wind), cryo (ice), pyro (fire), hydro (water), geo (rock), and electro (electricity.) in a sort of pokemon-like system, certain elements were weak to other ones, but more importantly, certain combinations of elements could drastically boost combat stats. Players got to construct four-slot teams of characters, each with an elemental affiliation and certain "skills" which would match their element, and you were encouraged to use the interactions of these elements to build teams. very quickly, a huge community formed dedicated to optimizing teams and tiering characters. People would even make a game out of building teams specifically to do high-level damage with "bad" characters or characters who weren't designed to be damage drivers (my 100k jean burst was an incredible moment fr.) this was, of course, also a picture-perfect driver for the gacha aspect of the game, which was how players obtained new characters.

Pre-3.0, combat was... well i won't say it was balanced, but there was no elemental reaction that had any MAJOR advantage over the others. when you actually ran the numbers, i believe vaporize was the best reaction in terms of damage output, with the best team being raiden national with kazuha for EM buffs. but a well-built freeze or melt team could do similar numbers, or even better numbers depending on your artifact rolls. (ayaka permafreeze you will always be my #1.) Despite a steady stream of new characters with each update, characters from the earliest version of the game like xingqiu and xiangling were still topping the charts in terms of usefulness and versatility in teambuilding. However, as early as 1.0, players had been teased that a major update to the combat system was planned. There was a seventh element, dendro (plants) which pre-3.0 only existed as an elemental affiliation for menial enemies. there were no playable dendro characters, and the only elemental reaction that existed relating to it was very low-level and not particularly useful in combat.

Originally, dendro was projected to be added to the combat system somewhere in version 2, but its release was delayed substantially, meaning it came out along with its affiliated nation, sumeru. And as soon as it came out, it basically broke the combat system. I assume that the scaling they ended up going with may have been out of fear that players would be hesitant to integrate a new element into their pre-established team builds, and thus they may have been worried about sales on their dendro character banners, and i assume that the fact that 3 elements are required to get the highest-level reaction was an attempt to make the meta more balanced in the face of that scaling, but, well... it didn't work. At this point, the genshin impact combat meta is basically "if you're not using hyperbloom what the fuck are you doing." there's basically no reaction in the game that comes close to it in terms of both damage and ease of use. you are not going to beat a hyperbloom team with anything other than a better-built hyperbloom team. combat is now very heavily skewed in the direction of dendro, meaning that if you DON'T want to use a dendro team, you're going to be doing significantly lower numbers. And since enemies are added with each update, post-3.0 combat becomes difficult and annoying if you don't have a hyperbloom team on-hand.

The major gripe i have with dendro isn't even the scaling, though. I mentioned offhand earlier that the 1.0 B-plot questline had a section which taught you the basics of the combat system via mini-dungeons. These mini-dungeons, of course, taught you the version of the system that existed pre-3.0, so there's no tutorial for dendro reactions. Rather than integrating the tutorial into the story and world like they did in their early quests, upon playing 3.0 for the first time players were given a popup that explained, very wordily, how dendro reactions worked. there was no opportunity to test these reactions in an environment without consequences--if you wanted to try them you'd have to remember the relevant information, build yourself a team, find an enemy to try them on, and just hope you got it right. This lack of integration is something i began to notice more and more with genshin as it progressed, especially in sumeru. where in mondstadt and liyue open-world puzzles would be explained to you by an npc or via environmental context clues, in sumeru you'd be stopped while exploring every two seconds by a popup explaining some puzzle or another which, of course, you wouldn't read, because you didn't want to do the puzzle right that minute anyway, and then by the time you DID want to do that puzzle you'd have no in-game way of figuring out how to do it. The puzzle popups may seem like a small thing, but it's one of the clearest examples in the game to me of the fact that the player experience is so clearly not being prioritized here. the game doesn't even TRY to be immersive anymore. they have no qualms about pulling you out of the story to read a paragraph about how the puzzle works. they don't care how your character, in-universe, is supposed to have acquired that information. they don't care why your character, in-universe, is doing the puzzle in the first place. because they know the reason YOU are doing the puzzle, which is to unlock a hidden chest that gives you 1/80th of a gacha pull.

That was not "a quick detour" was it lmfao. ok anyways. back to the story. Now i want to talk about D-plot, meaning limited event stories, and lore as i defined it earlier, meaning contextual details not present in quests or playable story. This is where i think genshin's story becomes completely inaccessible.

Already, we've covered the fact that in order to consume the very basic story, players have to be willing to wait years between A and B-plot quest releases, punctuated by irrelevant map expansions and interlude quests. I mentioned before that genshin's incompleteness is one of the major problems of its story. the fact that players have to wait years, remembering plot-relevant information that they have no way of knowing will even BE plot-relevant, for the payoff of these narratives is frustrating at best and actively malicious at worst. But in theory, there should be an obvious way to circumvent this. One could just wait until the game IS completely finished to play the whole thing. Sort of like buying a game in early access but waiting until it's actually finished to play it all the way through. that's theoretically possible. but, as i have been hammering home this whole time, genshin is a free game, and therefore genshin relies entirely on a consistently engaging fanbase in order to remain profitable. if genshin does not have a base of players who are willing to log in every day, or at the very least once every update, the game's financial model collapses on itself. therefore, genshin puts on limited-time events. this is a standard in gacha games, as a way to keep the fans consistently engaging. What is not standard, however, is the way that genshin uses these events as vessels for its story. about 19 out of 20 limited events in genshin impact will be useless menial bullshit with no effect on the story or really even the player aside from maybe making you fucking angry. 1 out of those 20, though, will be innocuously named, with nothing in the banner or event description to indicate that it's special in any way, but it will contain serious A or B-plot relevant information that exists nowhere else in the game. My personal favorite example is the infamous 1.3 scaramouche appearance, in which he showed up, told the protagonist that the sky was fake, and then immediately fucked off again. Scaramouche did not show up again until at least 2.0, and the fake sky wasn't so much as MENTIONED again until 3.2, almost TWO YEARS LATER. but there are others, such as the (almost equally infamous) albedo doppelganger event in which a major character's loyalties are called into question, or the event where major biographical information is revealed about kaeya, the only playable character with major known connections to the A-plot and Khaenri'ah. With all of these events, once the event period ends, the information contained within them vanishes from the game completely. there's no way to replay old events that you've missed, even sans rewards, so if you miss a plot-relevant event the ONLY way to catch up on that story is through word of mouth. again, this is a transparent way to keep genshin's userbase engaged during downtime between B-plot quests; if you don't log in and play every event, how will you know if you've missed something important? You might not be able to fully understand the future story if you miss out on the D-plot now!

The D-plot problem is something that I think could, in theory, be circumvented by dedicated record-keeping. if the wiki had anything resembling an easily accessible event database that marked story-relevant events and contained summaries or gameplay videos, at the very least you wouldn't have to fear being completely lost on the off chance that a random throwaway line in an event from fucking 1.3 becomes plot-relevant. but hyv obviously doesn't want that, because it undermines their financial model, and the sheer number of events and the amount of rerunning of irrelevant events they do makes the task of recording and categorizing them all daunting if not impossible.

Then, of course, there's lore. this is arguably what genshin is infamous for in certain circles of the internet. You know that unraveled video where bdg reads every book in skyrim? if you tried to do that with genshin the video would probably be about 10 hours long. and it's not just books; genshin hides (potentially) plot-relevant information in weapon and artifact descriptions, in random hidden world quests, in character bios... the list goes on. and 9 times out of 10, the information is essentially written in code. Plot-relevant characters will have multiple names, or the relevant information will refer to them as vaguely as possible, presumably to further the "mystery" and encourage theorizing among fans. but the sheer amount of information like this that exists within the game makes it all but impossible to determine what is plot-relevant and what isn't. For a topical example, the most recent A-plot quest bedtime story mentions the name Rhinedottir in connection with events in Khaenri'ah, suddenly making that name A-plot relevant. Rhinedottir is an alternate name for the character Gold, whose existence you would only have known of before this point if you'd unlocked and read the character Albedo's character bios. (Albedo is a limited-run character who hasn't been available since november 2022, btw.) the only other information about Rhinedottir permanently available in the game comes from the description of the weapon Festering Desire, which was only obtainable from a limited event back in 2020, anyway. So basically, if you wanted ANY context for that remark, you'd have to have been playing the game since AT LEAST 2022, AND you'd have to have taken the time to go over your weapon and character descriptions with a fine-toothed comb. keep in mind that as of right now (june 2024) there are 85 playable characters in this game, each with 10 unique unlockable character bio sections, and over 150 weapons, each with their own unique descriptions, not to mention over 50 artifact sets, each with 5 unique artifacts, which all have their own unique descriptions as well. there are also 51 different collections of books which contain written lore as well. the idea that any player could keep up with all this, or that anyone could even sift through it all to pick out the important things that they NEED to keep up with, is insane, especially when the game makes a point of withholding crucial plot information from its players within the A and B-plot quests. this amount of written lore only exists, again, to drive up engagement in the hopes of subsequently driving up profit. Even if the average player isn't reading and absorbing all this information, the fact that it's there coupled with the fact that the writers consistently refuse to reveal anything beyond surface-level A-plot information means that there's basically ENDLESS theory fodder. and THAT means that people will be posting their theories and talking with each other and getting into arguments. it means "genshin impact" trends on twitter. it means engagement, and engagement means money.

basically what it comes back to is that everything is so transparently money over player experience with this game. I think what we're witnessing with genshin is what i would call an end-stage gacha game--a gacha game that's gone on a little too long and gotten a little too popular, and so the veil has started to slip a little more than usual. Gachas work primarily because they operate by toeing the line between what is fun to play and what is a predatory mechanic. As long as the actual gameplay remains engaging and rewarding, players can ignore the unsavory business practices underneath. At this point, genshin has swerved too hard into the money-hungriness and is still hoping that they can use their old tried-and-true engagement farming methods to remain popular regardless. currently, it seems like those methods are still working, unfortunately. Like I said in the post that prompted this, i really can't wait for the hyv writer NDAs to expire 10 or so years down the line, because I can only imagine what an insane shitshow writing for this game must be. I want to see the tell-all articles. I want carnage.

That being said, I played genshin impact religiously from 2020 to 2023. I loved the game. Despite myself, I am still really, REALLY interested in the A-plot. I want to know what's going on with the protagonist and their sibling; where they came from, what happened to them, what the heavenly principles are, what role celestia plays in all of this. I want to know Kaeya's full backstory, what role Khaenri'ah plays in the overarching story, and what happened to it in the past. but I don't really have any faith that I ever will, because I know that as long as keeping their fans in the dark and stringing them along remains profitable, that's what hyv will continue to do.

Do I think genshin impact is unsalvagable? in its current state, yes. If I was given the ability to turn back time and convince a bunch of executives of the profitability of this venture, I would change almost nothing about the story of genshin and completely rework the mechanics of its release. I would make it a series of single-release self-contained games rather than a constantly-updating gacha. Each game would be one B-plot quest, or one nation, eight games in all, preferably released once every year. Removing the gacha mechanic, players would be given access to a certain pool of characters to build teams at the start of each game, and then periodically unlock new characters as the story progressed. for example, if you were playing the inazuma game, you'd start out with only your protag, and after progressing to a certain point in the story you'd get a pool of inazuma 4-stars to teambuild with freely. Then, as the story progressed and you met plot-relevant inazuman 5-stars you'd add them to your pool. I'd change basically nothing about the combat system except for a properly integrated introduction of dendro when it makes its appearance in sumeru. Once you completed the story in that nation, you could move onto the next game in the series if it was out, or if it wasn't, you could continue to explore the open world while waiting for the next release. Would this be as profitable as the gacha model? probably not, but what it WOULD do is allow for much more consistent pacing and writing, with the added bonus of not making your userbase feel like you'd shoot them in the head for their pocket change.

[ljubimaya]

PRETTY GIRLFRIEND THINGS ˙⋆✮

Nsfw headcanons featuring fem! Mikey and fem! Baji

C/W: Sub! Fem! Mikey, sapphic! reader, fem! reader, degradation, praising, mirror sex, fingering, sex with a strap, pussy eating, masturbation, public sex, a tiny bit of impact play if you squint, rough sex, tribbing, face sitting, fem! Baji humps readers ass, Dom! Fem! Baji, Reader doms fem Mikey in Mikey's part but gets dommed by fem Baji in Baji's part, lmk if I missed smth <333 and ofc Minors do not interact!!!

A/N: I wrote this with my pussy. No thoughts, just fem! faves for pride. This took wayyyy longer than expected but oh well, it be like that sometimes.Plus, ngl I feel like some parts are a tiny bit rushed, but it honestly feels good having it written off my chest. Anyway, let's christen this blog with some good ol' sapphic smut :3

W/C: 5.8k (help)

FEM! MIKEY THOUGHTS˙⋆✮

♡ To me, Mikey is a switch, but fem! Mikey??? Oh, she’s a sub

♡ I don’t see her ever domming, she is a full on pillow princess

♡ She is the big tiddie gf :,(( sensitive, pink nipples that get hard so easily it’s laughable. Absolutely loves when you suck and bite on them, and encourages you to use her boobs as stress balls 

♡Fem!Mikey is a little devil. She knows that seeing her in cute lingerie will make you go insane, so she’s mastered the art of taking hot nudes in front of the mirror in nothing but a lacy bra and matching panties

♡ Sweetest moans you have ever heard. You can never get enough of her breathy pleas to let her cum :(( 

♡ While fem! Mikey’s still a respected gang leader and feared across Tokyo, to you, she’s just a little princess that needs attention

♡ So much so that she might act bratty to get what she wants

Something was up with your girlfriend. You’d try to kiss her, but your girlfriend would only glare coldly at you, and huff “This is really not the time” She’d snap at you in front of the gang. Everyone was puzzled at her behavior, not understanding why the usually affectionate girl would turn down a kiss from her partner. The blonde never had an issue with pda, even encouraging you to hold and kiss her in public. You didn’t understand why she’s acting so cold all of a sudden, so you decided to just observe her for a while until you could talk to her in private. While you were just talking to a friend, you could see your girlfriend glaring daggers at you from the corners of your eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked, hoping to get an answer for her strange behavior.

“Nothing’s wrong” She insisted. Rolling her eyes at you, she crossed her arms. There was a spark of excitement in her eyes when you gritted your teeth at her. Truth struck you like lightning when you saw it. It was as if a blindfold fell from your eyes; your girlfriend played one of her little games with you, and you’d be a terrible partner if you didn’t play along.

♡ Fem! Mikey wasn’t as smug when she got pushed against the wall when you dragged her away

♡ One thing about fem! Mikey is that not only are her moans as sweet as honey, but she’s never quiet

Your lips attacked her neck as soon as you pushed her against the wall. A shudder of pleasure ran down your spine when you heard her moan into your ear when you pushed your knee between her legs. You allowed her to grind her needy pussy against your thigh while your lips traveled along her neck to her collarbone, leaving dark love bites in the process.Impatient, the blonde gripped the belt of your pants, attempting to undo them until you stopped her. A questioning look adorned her beautiful face when she felt your hand gripping her wrist, and before she could open her sweet lips to ask, you cut her off.

“You’ve been acting so annoying all day” You spat in an angry tone “Could have just said you wanted me to fuck you like a dirty whore instead of acting so bitchy”

“‘m sorry baby” she whimpered out when you bit down on her neck, shamelessly grinding her cunt against your thigh while a series of apologies left her plump lips.

“I can make it up to you, just let me get on my knees for you” the blonde tried to coax you “Please, just a little taste”

“Nu huh, this isn’t the time” You mocked her, your finger grazing the outline of her clothed pussy “Wanna see if your gang is still gonna respect you when they find out their leader is being bratty because she needs her little pussy stuffed?”

“B-baby” She stuttered when your fingers swiftly dipped under her pants and panties, voice shaking in both fear and excitement “Please, no. They really don’t have to hear us-”

“Want me to stop?” You purred into her ear. Knowing your girlfriend, there’s no way she’d want to stop after getting so worked up, but you’d rather hear a verbal confirmation from her. 

The blonde woman bit her lower lip, seemingly weighing her options - either go back to her gang extremely horny, or get fucked senselessly and risk getting caught. The decision wasn’t that hard to make, because your girlfriend thinks with her pussy when she gets wet.

“No, don’t stop” Your girlfriend begged you, and who were you to go against the wishes of your pretty girl? She didn’t have to tell you twice, your fingers moved past her soiled panties and entered her embarrassingly wet cunt. 

All worries left the blonde’s head when your fingers found her g-spot, hitting the spongy spot repeatedly. Her moans grew louder and more frantic, the shame she felt earlier dwindling more and more with each thrust. 

“B-Baby, please, can I cum?” The blonde managed to ask between moans and whines “Please, please, can I cum?”

“I don’t know, do you deserve to cum? You were so mean to me. Your little snappy comments wounded me a lot” You mused in her ear, acting hurt while your fingers’s movement slowed down. 

“I’m sorry, I-I will behave from now on. I promise”

“Hmmmm, that sounds like a lie”

The blonde pouted when you called her out. She was fully aware that she wouldn’t stop acting like a brat. You’re fucking her too good for the blonde to let go of her brattiness.

“Pretty please, will do anything” She desperately tried to persuade you. Your pretty girlfriend grew desperate when you didn’t answer right away. At this moment, she didn’t think about her gang members in the next room hearing her cry and begging for you to let her cum “Please, please, please, I’ll be good, just let me cum” 

Humming, you kissed her flushed cheeks when you heard her begging. While you were pleased with her obedience, the sadistic side of you was looking forward to seeing how your disheveled girlfriend would come back to the gang meeting, red faced and sweaty, trying to explain why she was gone for so long from the meeting.

“Oh, anything? Sounds like a good deal to me” You purred into her ear, thrusting your fingers back into her weeping  pussy without a warning. 

“Oh, fuck!” The blonde let out a loud whine when she felt your fingertips grazing her g spot, the knot in her tummy growing tighter and tighter. A series of moans and whines left your girlfriend’s pink lips, her walls tightly gripping your fingers before she screamed out your name. 

Trembling and breathing heavily, the blonde woman came down from her orgasm and watched you lick off her release off your fingers after you carefully pulled them out of her spent pussy. With a mischievous grin, you watched her sober up, Realization hit her like a brick and soon after she calmed down, she was pouting at you.

“They probably heard…”

“I’d be surprised if they didn’t” You replied back to her and kissed her cheek before you both walked back to the meeting.

♡ Fem! Mikey loves being degradation and praised at the same time; loves being called your pretty little slut and your favorite fucktoy (although she’d pout about it later, “I should be your only fucktoy”)

♡ As you can see, she’s really into being called yours. Fem! Mikey loves knowing that she belongs to the person she loves most

♡ Funnily enough, the gang already knew about Fem! Mikey being the sub in the relationship. She might think she’s slick at hiding it, but she can’t fool anyone

♡ As hinted earlier, fem! Mikey loves eating you out. She loves your taste, she loves your voice when you moan out her name and she loves playing with her clit while she’s lapping at your pussy 

“Hng, so greedy” You moaned, enjoying your girlfriend’s tongue flicking your sensitive clit. To you, she was the most beautiful when she went down on her knees, face buried between your legs and lips and chin covered in your slick.

“Can’t help that you taste so delicious baby” The blonde groaned against your heated core before she thrusted her tongue inside your wet hole. She greedily lapped your juices, her nose bumping against your clit with each thrust. Your girlfriend could die a happy woman between your thighs, at least that’s what she told you numerous times when you tried to pry her head away from your pussy. “You’re gonna pass out if you don’t pull away” You breathed out, feeling breathless from all the orgasms she gave you”

“Don’t care” The blonde retorted, prying your shaky legs apart and freeing herself from your grip with ease before she dove back to where her face was - between your legs, where it belongs “If I die, give me a taste of paradise” She spoke incoherently, lightheaded from your taste.  

Your hand found its way back to her head, this time patting and caressing her. Knowing how strong your girlfriend is, you knew that she would overpower you without breaking a sweat if you tried to yank her away from your heated core. As another orgasm began to build up, all reasonable thoughts vanished from your head. You grinded against her face, chasing your release while you moaned out “Touch yourself for me, my little slut. I know you wanna cum with me”

She didn’t need to be told twice, her fingers moving past her soiled panties and rubbing against her overstimulated clit. Whimpers mixed with moans and slurping sounds as the two of you got closer to yet another earth shattering orgasm. And when you two have finally reached your high, cumming at the same time and screaming each other’s name in pure bliss, was when your girlfriend seemed to be finally satisfied. She still eagerly licked your pussy clean off your release before she finally pulled away from your puffy clit and swollen lips. 

You patted her head, to which the blonde let out a satisfied sigh.

“You did a good job baby. Made me feel so good” You managed to say in a trembling voice, feeling so weak from your girlfriend’s hunger for you.

“That makes me feel so happy” She hummed, standing up shakily, yawning as she sat down on the bed “I’d like some cuddles and a nap now though”

♡ Despite being whiney and loud and easily overstimulated, Fem! Mikey has insane stamina

♡ She will bounce on your big fat strap all day long if you’d let her 

Her lustful moans were music to your ears. What a sight, your pretty girlfriend throwing her head back in pure pleasure as she slammed her pussy down on your new strap.

 Being the loving partner that you are, you went out to a sex shop while your girlfriend was out with her gang. You weren’t looking for anything in particular, just walking around the shop until something would catch your eye, something that you and your girlfriend could enjoy together. And oh boy, did you find the perfect toy: Ten inches long and thick and perfectly curved at the base, you could already imagine your girlfriend going wild at the sight of the dildo. Without thinking too much, you paid for the sex toy and went straight home to take a picture of your newest addition to your toy collection. 

You took a good picture of the dildo after you put on the harness and attached it there and sent it to the blonde gang leader with a flirty text. That’s all that took for the blonde to cancel on her friends and rush back home to you.

Enjoying the way she struggled to take all ten inches, you watched her tits bounce as she desperately humped your strap “Look at you, blowing off your friends to ride a cock you can’t even take” You taunted, your hands reaching to grab on to her boobs. The blonde, tears forming on her bottom lashes both from pain and pleasure. 

“Can take it” Your girlfriend moaned out her protest, her movements not losing any momentum at your taunts. “Yeah, sure you can” Your spat out, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Why ride a bike if you can ride a big strap, right? Bet the others were able to tell why you rushed back home to me”

You played with her nipples, pinching and pulling at them. The blonde mewled from the overwhelming pleasure she felt. Droplets of tears ran down her flushed cheek as she was unable to hold them back. 

Moans and incoherent pleas left her lips as she picked up the pace, riding your new strap ferociously. You knew she was close, you knew by the way she rolled her hips with vigor, by the way her words became incoherent; the only words you were able to understand were “please” and “close”. Moments like these made you feel a tinge of frustration. You’d die to feel her walls clamp around you and to fill her up with your cum. 

Your lips latched onto one nipple, sucking on the sensitive bud with vigor while your free hand wandered lower. Drawing tight circles on her puffy clit, your girlfriend cried out in pure bliss as an orgasm washes over her. Trembling, she rode out her high as your fingers still pressed against her clit. 

You released your mouth from her sensitive bud and leaned in, kissing her tears away while the blonde is still seated prettily on your lap, walls convulsing around the dildo. 

“How do you feel, baby?” You asked carefully, making sure she’s not hurt. Still trembling, the blonde nodded. Voice hoarse from screaming, she shakily muttered “‘m good. Want more though”

FEM! BAJI THOUGHTS˙⋆✮

♡ Baji has been and always will be a dom, no matter the gender Baji has

♡ The way Fem! Baji fucks is completely dependent her mood, and she will make you take whatever she’s offering at thet time

♡ One day, she will be mean and fuck you as if she hates you, and in the next day she could make sweet love to you and worship you like a deity

♡ Not only is fem! Baji a dom, but she has mean dom tendencies too :,))

♡ Anyone who knows me knows that I am a dick piercing truther, meaning that in my silly little head, Baji got one too. Now, Fem! Baji not only has a clit piercing, she also has nipple piercings

♡ Adding on the previous headcanon: Fem! Baji only wears either sport bras or none at all. The outlines of her erect nipples and silver nipple piercings are always showing through when she’s wearing a thin shirt

♡ She has an insane sex drive and is absolutely shameless when it comes to fucking you. Will fuck everywhere at any given time

She’s so shameless, you thought as you sipped on your drink, feeling her gaze on you again. You’ve been throwing warning glares at your girlfriend from across the room, but that didn’t seem to stop her from eying your body top to bottom, a teasing smirk on her lips . You knew the ravenette’s insatiable hunger when it comes to you, but you didn’t expect her to give you bedroom eyes at a gang hangout. 

It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary: Your girlfriend would hang out with her gang after a long meeting to unwind, and this time the gang’s been feeling like going to the club. Of course, the ravenette couldn’t go without you; she always put emphasis on wanting you to get along with her friends. Thankfully, you were well liked among her delinquent friends, so no one ever batted an eye when you came along. 

Heat rose to your cheeks when the ravenette winked at you and nodded her head towards the bathroom stalls. She didn’t even give you time to respond back before she walked off to the dimly lit bathroom stalls, impatiently waiting for you to follow. 

There was no doubt that her looking at you so sensually sent a shiver down your spine, and if you were tipsy, you might have followed her without thinking twice. Chewing on your bottom lip, you were weighing every possible outcome. You knew your girlfriend didn’t just disappear to a secluded area to talk; you knew her and her antics too well at this point, and the lustful glint you saw earlier in her eyes when she drank in your form from afar told you everything you needed to know. Still, despite the fears of getting caught and perhaps even ridiculed, you couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement wash over you. 

So you finished your drink and placed the empty glass on the counter behind you and excused yourself to the restroom, slowly making your way to your very sexually pent up girlfriend.

♡ Fem! Baji is super impatient and doesn’t like playing games with you. If she wants you, she wants you now and in an instant

♡ As previously mentioned, fem! Baji will take you everywhere, even in public spaces. This woman thinks with her pussy once she gets in the mood

♡ Another thing about Fem! Baji is that she is incredibly experimental. She sees something in porn and will try to recreate it

“What took you so long?” she purred in your ear, chest pressed against your back as soon as you closed the door behind yourself. A small squeak left your lips when the ravenette spun you around and bent you over the sink, making you face the mirror. You locked eyes with her through the mirror, clit throbbing at her half lidded eyes and wide smirk on her plump lips. It felt like you could read her mind when you looked her in the eyes, a surge of images of what she could do to you flooded your mind. 

And you would have let her do whatever she desired, the stickiness of your panties became too uncomfortable to you to deny your girlfriend from taking you right there, but you didn’t lose every rational thought in your head. You huffed, face and body feeling so incredibly hot when you quietly asked her “Are we, you know, alone?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know, are we?” Your girlfriend asked loudly, a smug grin on her face as she waited a moment. Silence, no movement, no flushing, no footsteps, nothing. The only audible noises you were able to make out was her uneven breathing close to you when the ravenette leaned closer and placed a hot kiss behind your ear. “Crickets, babe. No one’s here. Just you and me” She nibbled on your ear as her hand slowly descended to your panties. Gasping, you writhed beneath her.

“Baby, what if someone’s gonna walk in?” You tried to sound strict, but your voice faltered as your girlfriend drew lazy circles on your clothed cunt, mentally cursing at the article of clothing that separated you from your lover’s long fingers. 

“Gonna give ‘em a show of course. Let them see my sexy girl screaming and crying for me”  She cursed under her breath when you arched your ass and ground against her. Groaning, the ravenette rolled her hips against your butt, desperate to get some friction to her weeping pussy.

“You look so hot, baby. Wearing that short skirt like a little slut” She moaned into your ear, fingers pushing your cute panties to the side “Something tells me you wanted me to rile me up. Needy whore, already so fucking wet for me”

You whined when she stopped teasing your clit. Watching her reflection in the mirror, you were able to see that your girlfriend stepped back slightly and unbuckled her belt. Hungrily, you paid close attention to every single movement she made; her unbuckled belt fell to the floor before she unzipped her black leather pants and pulled them down. With one fellow swoop, both her leather pants and her red lace panties landed on the floor. A sudden urge to get on your knees came over you, both to thank God and the universe for sending you the siren of your girlfriend into your life, and to worship her perfect pussy. 

The bathroom stalls were dimly lit, yet when you were able to catch a glimpse of the silver jewelry on clit, reflecting the neon lights above the mirror. However, you weren’t given any more time to gaze at the pretty silver ball. Swiftly, your girlfriend pulled your short skirt to your ankles and repositioned herself where she was: Legs slightly apart, just enough for her clit to graze your naked ass, but not before giving your butt a playful slap.

“Wanted to try this for a while now” She murmured into your ear as she ground her puffy bud against your rear, kissing the shell while her fingers pushed your panties to the side again. You felt so shy when you felt her wet pussy humping you. You looked away when her fingers found your clit again, rolling and pinching it. “The mirror, baby. Look how fucking stunning my girl is” She reached her free hand over to your face and grabbed it, turning it forcefully towards the mirror. At the same time, the ravenette dipped a finger inside your aching cunt. Mewling, you came face to face with your reflection. Sweaty, runny makeup , and hair disheveled, you couldn’t see the oh so stunning girl the ravenette saw in you. 

“B-Baby, I look like a mess” You stuttered and moaned, feeling her finger pads hitting your g spot at a frantic speed. Her thumb was firmly pressed against your sensitive clit. “A hot mess” She whimpered, dragging her wet folds and throbbing clit over your butt, creating a delicious friction “My hot mess” 

And for a moment, you forgot that you two were in a public bathroom stall. Your moans and whimpers mixed with your girlfriend’s breathy groans and the sound of skin slapping; the lewd sounds bounced off the walls and droned out the music and chatter from outside. 

“You gonna cum for me?” Her fingers shot in and out of your weeping cunt, bringing you closer to your long awaited release. Instead of answering her, your moans became louder and more frantic. Your brain couldn’t come up with a coherent sentence with her fingers deep inside you and her thumb grazing against your overstimulated bud. Usually, your girlfriend would force an answer out of you, but she too seemed to be engrossed in chasing after her own orgasm. 

This was so new to you, the way the ravenette was pressing her body against your back, rolling her hips against your rear. It felt good to have her so close, you’d realize. 

“You look so sexy” She breathed out, the knot in her stomach tightening with every roll of her hips. Still, she held onto your jaw tightly, refusing to let you look away from the mirror in front of you “Look at you. Look at me” She commanded, forcing you to look straight ahead; and you obeyed. Not to look at yourself - you knew what you looked like after all - but rather, to gaze at your lover. She looked like an absolute mess with her reddened cheeks and messy hair, but to you, there was no one more beautiful than her. 

And just like that, your pleasure overtook your body. The knot bursted and you cried out her name as her fingers remained deep inside your pussy, helping you come down from your high. 

Your girlfriend came shortly after you. Groaning, she turned your face to the side - her fingers still having a tight grip on your jaw - and crashed her lips against yours in a needy kiss. Your girlfriend’s movements slowed down soon, yet she remained tightly pressed against your back, basking in your warmth. You reciprocated the kiss, having missed your lover's lips. 

This moment could have been so sweet, if only the post nut clarity didn’t set in. Suddenly, you became very aware of the fact that you and your girlfriend have been half naked in a public place, that you two have fucked where people could have in on you. Your stomach churned and you hastily pulled away from the kiss.

“Oh my god, we need to get dressed now” You tried to push her away from you, wanting to pull up your panties and skirt back on. The ravenette could only hum in response and leaned harder into you “But you look so hot right now”  

“Baby, we need to get out now. Out of all places you could have dragged me to, you decided on a public bathroom stall?” You rolled your eyes at her, gently pushing her away before you quickly tried to fix yourself. Scoffing, your girlfriend did as you did and pulled up her lace panties and black leather pants up.

“‘s not like you were thinking about it while I was fingering you” She mumbled under her breath. Shooting her a warning glare, your girlfriend could only smirk in response. She knew you were totally into it. In the end, your girlfriend ended up helping you fix yourself before you walked out back to your friends.

♡ Fem! Baji is very touchy feely with you. She’s the type to have her hands on you at all times, preferably your butt

♡ I think you can see a theme here: Fem! Baji is an ass girly. It doesn’t matter if yours is big or small, as long as it’s yours she's into it

♡ Listen, fem!Baji can be a mean dom from time to time, especially after a gang fight. The adrenaline rush of beating up people and winning goes straight to her clit, so to unwind, you let her ride your face

It all happened so quickly. One moment you were sitting on your couch, wrapped in your cozy blanket, waiting for your girlfriend to come back home from a gang fight; next thing you knew the ravenette slammed the front door shut before pouncing on top of you. The blanket got yanked off your body, revealing your tight pajama shorts and tank top. Calloused hands wander under your shirt as her lips attacked your exposed neck.

“Look so cute” Sharp teeth sink into your tender flesh. A gasp left your lips, mind sobering up upon feeling her hands disappearing under your shirt and playing with your nipples. Your girlfriend pulled and pinched them harshly while she littered your neck with more bites, marking you up as hers. “Too bad I’ll have to take this off you” 

Impatient, the ravenette couldn’t wait for you to take your tank top off yourself. Instead, driven by her carnal desires for you, she ripped your top, exposing your tits to the cool air. You didn’t have much time to complain about her ruining your favorite pajama set as her mouth quickly wandered lower, latching onto your sensitive nipples. Moaning at the feeling of her tongue and teeth grazing against your erect buds, you moved your hands, wanting to rake your fingers through her thick hair but strong hands grabbed your wrists, forcefully pinning them down on either side of your head. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, slut” Your girlfriend growled into your chest, sucking and biting at your soft mounds “No touching unless I tell you to. You gonna be an obedient little whore for me?” Although you knew she was asking you, her way she said it let you know that it was more of an order. You knew she wasn’t in the mood to play around with you, and gosh did her dominance turn you on. 

Your panties were soaked wet when you nodded your head “Gonna be obedient” you assured her, clit throbbing at the mean smirk that crept up on her lips. 

“Mhhh, good. Now” The ravenette got off you and took off her pants and panties before she climbed back on top of you, this time she straddled your face. A moan left your mouth when you came face to face with her pussy, wet and dripping in anticipation. 

Her hands found your wrists again and pinned them above your head “Stick your tongue out” The ravenette commanded, slowly lowering herself on your face when you obediently opened your mouth and stuck out your tongue for her. She didn't even have to tell you what to do when you greedily started licking her sweet juices off her, reveling in her taste. 

“Just like that” Your girlfriend moaned, hips grinding against your mouth, seeking more friction, more pleasure from you. You’re more than willing to give it to her, yearning to taste her release on your tongue. 

The ravenette rode your face with vigor, grinding herself over your entire face. You knew that you’d be messy after eating her out, but that didn’t bother you at that moment; all you really wanted was to suffocate between her legs. Her clit pressed against your nose and you were able to feel the small silver metal ball on her clit. The need to touch yourself was unbearable, but the ravenette had a strong grip on your wrists, making it impossible to sneak your hand between your legs. 

Your girlfriend didn’t even seem to feel your internal struggle, too busy fucking your face “Fucking slut” She moaned as her movements grew faster and more frantic “Look at you, letting me fuck your face like that. Dirty whore” 

A coil in her stomach finally snapped with one last roll over your face. Moaning loudly, the ravenette released over your face, the waves of pleasure finally taking over her body. You were licking her clean, eager to help her come down from her orgasm, savoring her taste. 

Coming down from her high, she got off your face with trembling legs. As she sat down on the couch, the ravenette leaned in and kissed you tenderly, tasting her juices on your lips. “You did so well for me baby” She mumbled between kisses “Gonna clean your pretty face off before we cuddle, ok?” 

♡Now, having mean dom tendencies doesn’t cancel out her softer side. Fem! Baji is very well able to make love to you

♡ Worships you like a goddess during, and after sex. She can get quite clingy and touchy after having slept with you

She can be such a romantic. 

Your girlfriend has been acting clingier than usual. You could feel it the way her kisses lingered much longer, the way her fingers gently caressed your cheeks, the way her hands never seemed to leave your body. This wasn’t anything new to you; after all, you knew your girlfriend can have soft moments. Nonetheless, her sudden change of demeanor never failed to make your heart squeeze and send heat all over your body. 

You and your girlfriend laid in bed already, cuddling when she suddenly started to place soft kisses over your skin. She hugged you from behind and held you protectively, as if fearing you’d disappear, kissing your shoulder and neck delicately “I love you so damn much” 

“Love you too” You muttered, trying to keep the moans from escaping your lips as her soft kisses transitioned into nibbles. being the touchy woman that she is, the ravenette’s hand left feathery touches on your hips, careful not to hurt you. 

Before you knew it, your girlfriend’s lips found yours in a yearning kiss. Slow and sensually, her lips molded over yours before her tongue gently swiped over them, asking for entrance. Soon, your and her pajamas landed on the floor scattered across the room and the passionate ravenette climbed on top of you. No thoughts, just the urge to make love to you drove her when she positioned herself between your legs, her weeping cunt over your equally wet pussy, her clit bumping yours. 

She set a slow pace when she grinded her core against yours, her tits lightly bouncing “You look so beautiful, baby” She moaned when she felt you grind back against her pussy, clits rolling against each other in a delicious friction “So pretty for me”

You mewled at the compliment, her loving words going straight to your pussy “Love you more�� you managed to say as you ground yourself against her with more passion, wanting to get off, wanting to get her off. A small smirk appeared on her lips when she heard your bold declaration, her pace increasing as well to match yours.

“Yeah?” The ravenette moaned as her movements stopped. A whine escaped your lips. You didn’t expect her to stop just like that right before you could cum, but before you could ask her why she stopped, she quickly repositioned herself between your legs. This time, she positioned herself slightly sideways and held onto your thigh, your leg being pulled over her shoulder before she resumed to her previous pace. 

“Well, I love you the most” Your girlfriend insisted, groaning at the feeling of your puffy clit against her own clit. You loved the intimacy, the feelings she made you feel, you loved her.And when your orgasm finally washed over you, all you could only chant her name, her name rolling off your tongue so sweetly. 

Finally coming down from her high, the ravenette collapsed on top of you and gave you a sloppy yet tender kiss.

“You mean the world to me, you know that”? She softly grazed your cheek with her thumb, her lips not wanting to part with yours as she gave you more kisses “My girl, my world, my everything”

“Didn’t know you could get so poetic” You mumbled against her lips breathlessly “Did you read this line from one of Chifuyu’s manga?”

Chuckling, the ravenette bumped her nose against yours “Hmm, maybe. Maybe I read it somewhere, or maybe being with you brings out my softer” She kissed your lips “more romantic” She placed another small kiss on your lips “sappy side?”

There was no need to argue with her about that: You knew her love for you ran deep, and you hoped she knew that you loved her just as much. You pecked her lips one more time before you wrapped your arms around her.

“I love you” You muttered tiredly, feeling comfortable and warm when your girlfriend cuddled into you.

“Love you too” A yawn left her lips “Dream of me” She mumbled before she fell asleep on top of you. 

When do I not dream of you?

[rileyslibrary]

hi babes!

could you write something for ghost x civillian or medic (fem)reader with a one bed trope? (something angsty + fluff?)

btw i really like your writings! keep up the great work, you're amazing!

thank you x

@efsa-lks , babe! 🍫 The good ol’ “there’s only one bed” trope! I was wondering if someone would request this! I kept it short and sweet ;)

“… there’s food in the fridge for both of you and plenty of ammo in the base-”

You stop reading Laswell’s note and look up at Ghost. He stares back at you with narrow eyes and gestures for you to continue.

“-ment. Unfortunately, though, there’s only...”

“No,” he interrupts you, shaking his head, “no fockin’ way.”

“-one bed, so you’ll have to share.”

He runs towards you and extends his hand. “Gimme the bloody paper.” He orders and snatches it from your fingers.

His eyes jump from word to word, eagerly looking for a possible mistake. He finishes reading, throws the “bloody paper” on the kitchen table and heads to the bedroom to verify Laswell’s words.

You sigh. Why is he so grumpy all the damn time? It’s just for a night, and it’s not like you’ll cuddle like newlyweds. He’s too offensive sometimes.

“So?” You shout from the kitchen and hear his footsteps approaching. They’re slow and sound... defeated.

He leans on the door’s frame and looks up. “Affirmative.” He says, disappointed, “There’s only one bed.”

You follow him to the bedroom and stare at the single bed before you. You scratch your head, imagining two Tetris blocks trying to puzzle their way across the bed without disturbing each other. He rubs his temples as if he’s sending brain waves to the bed so it can split in two and magically solve your problem.

“What if-”

“Don’t you dare mention it.” You stop him.

“I didn’t-”

“You were going to suggest sleeping in reverse, my head looking at your feet and vice versa,” you sneer, “but it’s been done before.”

“Where?”

“In another fic.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

His mask stretches, and you can tell he has his mouth open. You take a deep breath and let it all out before suggesting something else far worse than the one he proposed.

“Ever heard of spooning?” You hesitate.

His mouth closes, and the expression gets transferred to his eyes. “Are you having a laugh?” He asks, shocked, and you put your hands up.

“Stay with me, Ghost.”

“Can’t do much about that,” he mutters, “we’ll practically sleep together.”

You rub your forehead and continue. “I’ll be the big spoon,” you explain. “This way, you won’t feel uncomfortable.”

“Oh, I won’t feel uncomfortable?” He repeats your statement and points at himself, “Don’t tell me that I’m the only one who’s feeling that.”

You frown and bring your index finger to the tip of his nose.

“You know what,” you say, “I’m tired of your shit; tired of walking on eggshells, trying to keep some peace between us and not disturb you.”

He raises his eyebrows and breathes in. He wants to say something, but you’re too angry to hear it.

“I saved you, for god’s sake,” you press your finger on his chest, “I saved your ass last year when I patched that bullet hole in that chest of yours. And all you do is keep treating me like shit.” You say, removing your hand from him and walking towards the door. His eyes follow you until he decides to speak.

“Small,” he says but stops. He doesn’t even believe what he’s about to say. “Small spoon it is, then.”

You pause just outside the door, and a smile forms across your lips. Can it be that he finally came to his senses? Took him long enough, you think. Or maybe he just needed a reality check. You shake the satisfaction off your face and turn to look at him with a disinterested look.

“Which side?” You ask, “Left or right?”

“Left side,” he replies. “I have to keep an eye on the window.”

He assumes position first, and you lie behind him, your forehead brushing his back. As the “big spoon,” you mimic his stance, attaching yourself to him like a mould. He is stiff and awkward, trying to take as little space as possible and failing miserably.

But it’s not just the two of you in this bed. He’s not the littlest spoon. He holds his gun in front of him since he needs to be on the lookout in case someone locates you.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t-”

“I want—I need to protect you,” he corrects himself, “and I’m the only one who knows how to use a gun, so we must stick together.”

“Isn’t this ‘sticking together’ enough for you?” You ask, and his shoulders move up and down. He’s laughing.

“Thank you,” he says, “for saving me back then.”

“It’s my job.”

“And for keeping up with me,” he continues, “I know I’m not the easiest.”

“No, you’re not,” you reply, “but you’re my big-little spoon.” You coo and wrap an arm around his waist.

He freezes at first but lets out another chuckle, this one more audible than the last one, and grabs your hand. He brings it to his chest, where that bullet wound used to be, and secures it under his arm.

“Fork you, little-big spoon,” he quips, and turns off the night lamp.

[theresattrpgforthat]

THEME: Kaiju Games

@ospreyonthemoon I see your need and I answer! There's a lot of really neat Kaiju games out there.

Kaiju Klash, by NeonRot.

Kaiju Klash is a GM'less rules light game where 2-4 kaiju battle it out in a fight for might to become top dog of the city. In the centre of the city is the Capitol Building, a huge spire that the kaiju scramble up as they slash at each other with tooth and claw.

For Kaiju Klash all you need is a D20, a D6 and a falling block game like Jenga.

Make a Kaiju and battle it out in this Gm-less strategy game. Kaiju Klash includes various Kaiju types with respective skills, and incorporates the city as more than just scenery - it’s a vital battle strategy!

On any given turn, instead of choosing to attack, your Kaiju can grab onto nearby buildings for bonuses that help your next attack. However, you’re in the middle of a fight, so you have to roll randomly for the building that you grab, and the building type will have special details that inform what happens next.

I don't know what the Jenga Tower is used for exactly, but the fact that this game uses one definitely makes it more exciting for me.

Overall, the game gives me King of Tokyo vibes, so if you like smashing through a city in a big ol’ brawl, you might like Kaiju Klash.

Caltrop Kaiju, by Button Kin Games.

A gigantic, rampaging kaiju (giant monster) has shown up in your home town and is destroying everything! You must head out to observe the kaiju to find its weakness, then pass on what you know to the military at their secret base so they can defeat this monster  - all while trying not to get eaten!

This is a solo TTRPG which can be played in ten minutes as a tense, tactical puzzle, or in a couple of hours as a journaling/story game.

This one is for the solo gamers! Caltrop Kaiju is about your tiny little character trying to survive a Kaiju attack. The game comes with a grid for you to print off, with special icons to represent specific buildings in the city. You roll 2d5 to determine where the Kaiju moves on every turn, and you’ll try to move through the city before too much of it becomes damaged for you to move through. Special locations will trigger specific effects when they get destroyed, and if you get too close to the Kaiju, you might get injured - or worse, killed.

However, you need to get close to it in order to save the day, as you’re responsible for learning the Kaiju’s weakness and communicating that weakness to people who can stop the monster. Overall, the game can play pretty quickly if you just focus on dice rolls and moving through the map, but the game also comes with instructions on how to turn the game into a journaling experience, which can draw out the story as you reflect on who your character is, why they’re following the Kaiju, and what the city means to them.

Hyperweapon, by Rookie Jet Studio.

Hyperweapon is a rules-light tabletop RPG that combines the excitement of dart blasters with a vibrant and immersive gaming experience created by you and your friends. Set in a world threatened by colossal Kaiju, players take on the roles of skilled Hunters tasked with defending humanity. These Hunters utilize real world dart blasters as their primary weapons in epic battles against these gigantic foes.

Players will embark on a journey through ancient ruins, navigate diverse landscapes, interact with all kinds of people, and ultimately face off against towering Kaiju threats. The game places a strong emphasis on collaborative storytelling and worldbuilding, allowing both players and the Game Master to contribute to the creation of the game's setting, factions, cultures, and lore.

Hyperweapon is unique in how the core of the game revolves around the guns that your characters are using to bring down gigantic Kaiju. You still roll dice to determine damage, but to see whether you hit, you have to actually shoot a foam dart at a target. On top of combat mechanics there’s also locations that change the battlefield: towns have civilians and infrastructure that are endangered by Kaiju but carry shops that the players can purchase goods at. Ruins are more dangerous to visit, containing booby traps, collapsed areas, and Kaiju - but they also hold information that may be useful.

The linked page in the title also has a link to a free Quickstart, in case you want to try before you buy. If you want a high-energy game with a neat resolution system that gives you an excuse to pull out your Nerf gun collection during game night, then you want Hyperweapon.

Dawn of the Daikaiju, by Pinnacle Entertainment.

The world changed in 1953—a radioactive monster rose from Hudson Bay to terrorize New York. Now these “daikaiju” save the world!

In Dawn of the Daikaiju, players take on the roles of giant monsters called kaiju or daikaiju (the terms are used interchangeably and both mean “giant monster”). Though daikaiju range in origin from oversized insects and dinosaurs to bio-engineered alien weapons, they somehow recognize in each other a single species. Even daikaiju from different worlds work together in packs.

Savage Worlds uses different dice sizes to represent competence, and much of the character creation process uses a point-buy system, with guidance on how many points you can spend on certain things. Characters can take on flaws to give them extra points to spend on bonuses, so there’s a balance of embracing weakness in order to boost your strengths.

Savage Worlds also has both the boon and the flaw in that it’s a system meant to cover a lot of genres. You’ll need the SWADE core rulebook in order to use this supplement, but you can also use that rulebook for many other genres. If you already own the core rulebook or know how to play the game, this is a neat option to change the tone of your current game.

The Kaiju Love You, by InnocentGoblin

Walking through the ruined streets of a massive metropolitan city, each footstep crushing another building, the weight of brick and mortar collapsing underfoot. The military prepares for battle, tanks and helicopters opening fire at the behemoth.

The florists come out to see the commotion only to see a massive foot crash down in front of them, believing their end has come they cover their eyes only to find that they are safe. The Kaiju leans down, gently drops a coin that is tiny in its massive claws, in return it takes a large bouquet. It sniffs the flowers with delight and starts walking back. 

The Kaiju has a date tonight, and it has to be perfect.

A neat twist on the Kaiju genre, this is a game not just about being a Kaiju who is fighting other Kaiju, but also being a Kaiju who is falling in love with the city they are trying to protect. Your character will be balancing between big disastrous fights against other monsters, and finding ways to romance the people of their city. The more people who love you back, the stronger you are in combat; but the more that they adore you, the harder you have to work to maintain that relationship.

Thematically, I think this is a really neat concept. Character creation feels rather simple; you have only 2 stats, which are represented by numbers that are opposite from each-other on a d8. You want to typically roll at or over your personal number, so your Kaiju will probably be better at either fighting or falling in love. Altogether, it’s a really unique take on the genre, and I think that merits checking this game out more than anything else.

Giant of Light, by RudoJudo.

Giant action in the style of Ultraman! Investigate strange goings-on, uncover mysterious aliens and ancient powers, then do battle as either a Giant Hero or Kaiju!

Giant of Light is a TTRPG for 2-6 players that can be single sessions or long campaigns. This is the first edition of the game, which uses custom-built systems to allow play at both human and giant size.  

Giant of Light is designed to replicate Ultraman, so you can play a Kaiju, but you can also play a giant hero. Your characters are meant to be protectors of your city, fighting against other supers-sized threats. Your characters have both civilian and giant forms: as civilians, you’ll be investigating the newest threat as regular civilians, and then transform into Heroes or Kaiju in order to fight your foes on an even playing field.

What’s really interesting to me is that a giant Hero and a Kaiju character are somewhat different mechanically; Heroes have an energy pool that powers elemental abilities, while Kaiju have a health bar and special abilities instead. Heroes typically have more energy to spend and can bounce back, but they need to use their energy to fuel their powers. Kaiju don’t have to spend currency to use their abilities, but their health bar makes them more susceptible to falling in battle.

If you want some more info on how the game works, I reviewed Giant of Light a while back on this very blog.

Kaiju Incorporated, by Evil Hat.

Do you have what it takes to face the hazards of mayhem, destruction, biohazardous waste, human resources, minimal career prospects, and really really big footprints?

Jump into the lives of the workers for the world’s biggest multinational Kaiju-conglomerates! Rebuilding the world following giant monster attacks takes a Kaiju-sized work-force. Do you have what it takes to face the hazards of mayhem, destruction, biohazardous waste, human resources, minimal career prospects, and really really big footprints? Find out in Kaiju Incorporated: The Roleplaying Game!

Kaiju Incorporated is usable for both Fate Core and Fate Accelerated, both of which can be found for free on the Fate SRD website. It comes with suggestions for character options and stunts that are unique to the setting, and incorporates a crew structure that the group is balanced and equipped for taking on a giant monster. There’s also GM advice to help you build a Kaiju attack, and lore to help the GM if they don’t want to build the world from scratch.

Overall, Fate is very accessible since you can access the rules for free, and you can use regular d6’s if you don’t have any Fate dice. It’s a stellar system if you value maximum character flexibility, and enjoy coming up with witty turns of phrase rather regularly. If you want a bit of taste for Kaiju Incorporated specifically, there is a lovely episode of Literal Cat Pod that goes through character creation, in which they build Peter the Kaiju Reader!

Kaiju Generator, by The Bardic Inquiry.

What is a Kaiju? To put it simply, Kaiju refers to a genre of film that originated in Japan that featured giant monsters, but it can also refer to the giant monsters themselves.

The actions of these giant monsters are typically devastating to the planet and pose a global threat. This can range from the intentional destruction of infrastructure or the combat between two giant monsters.

This generator will help you to create a Kaiju that you can use in your roleplaying adventures by utilizing 4 1d66 random tables. Can your players survive an encounter with a gigantic monster?

This isn’t really a game; it’s mostly just a monster generator, but it’s very well designed and the quality of the zine makes me excited to play a Kaiju game. I think you could use this for many of the other games on this list, or use it to add a Kaiju to a game of your choice. There’s a number of roll tables for the type of Kaiju, its special ability, its origin, and its goals. As a bonus, there’s also some guidance on creating plot hooks to get your players interested in the Kaiju plot, and creates stakes that keep them invested.

Honorable Mentions

Liminal Colossus, a supplement for Liminal Horror by Mynar Lenahan.

Hey, So… We Accidentally Turned Steve Into a Kaiju and Now He’s Trying to Eat Cleveland, by lazersarus.

I Was Going To A Picnic, But Then A Kaiju Showed Up!, by BitwiseCoyote.

Twenty, by kumada1.

[monsterfuckerconfessions]

i had a really good dream a few months ago, i think of it often still. it wasn't quite so detailed as im gonna write obviously, had to fill in some blanks but i remember most of it so heres a written rendition.

basically i was in a confusing labrynth. the tunnels moved around, there were living gargoils and statues and many monsters scuttling in the shadows. there were fountains and doors and stairways, super jumbled up like a MC escher painting. i was basically just adventuring with a band of friends, trying to find the way out, solving puzzles, running from dangerous monsters, all that good stuff.

eventually i went into the lower reaches of the labrynth, into this dark maze with nothing but grey stone walls. as i get deeper and deeper i can tell theres something following me, something really big and dumb and slow. i registered it as a minotaur, but like, i didn't actually see its physical form. it was dark, and its form vauge and horrifying. all i could tell was that it was sort of mindless, huge and made of harsh and rough edges that i saw from the shape of its shadow. but it wasn't nightmarish, in my dream i had no desire to run from it, i could tell it was completely harmless to me.

i eventually found myself at a dead end. a large dark room with a fountain on one wall. i saw the completely black silhouette of the beast in the narrow doorway.

i was naked at this point (dream logic yk). and i got down on the floor, facing away from the monster, and arched my back. i felt horny as fuck, but also frightened and vulnerable. my knees and elbows were cold against the stone floor. i could hear it approach me, its footsteps slow and heavy. eventually i felt the monsters large hands on my hips. then they clumsily slid down my thighs, as if trying to feel around and fuigre out what to do with me. his cock was thick and wet, and a little cold. i felt it touch against me, but he didn't know how to aim it in properly i could tell. i had to help guide it a little, up my thighs, into the right area. he jammed it into the ol' boyhole, and squeezed it all the way in. i was suprised how big it was, how long it went through until it was all there. i gasped as it expanded. it didn't hurt, but i was almost afraid of it getting stuck. it clearly wasnt meant to be used with a human.

his large body was pressed against me from behind, warm and hairy. his hands were clamped around my hips like a metal vice. i could barely speak, but i needed to communicate to him what to do, since he wasn't moving. i managed to push my weight back a bit, feeling his cock rub inside me. eventually he got the idea, slowly and sloppily moving forward and back. it started to get wet from his cum, but he kept going. he sped up a little. i could hear the plapping of each thrust, and the movement began to jog my whole body forward every time. my whole lower body started to get soaked, the juice ran down my thighs, and got spilled onto my stomach, my asscheeks. it went on for a long while, he finished like tons of times, his thick wet and strange liquid gushing out inside me. and i could feel my belly start to swell a little from it. not that noticablely, but it began jiggling as my body was slammed forward over and over.

he eventually hoisted me up by the waist, sitting me down on his lap. he held me by the belly and came deeply into me, and i moaned a little from the slight pain of my stomach swelling up so fast from his semen. he continued jiggling me up and down, my body so small compared to his, held by his arms against his broad chest. and he creampied me over and over. there would be breaks, where i just sat there, held tightly to him. until he was ready to cum again, and started jiggling me up and down to let another load out into me. he had realised the logistics now it seemed.

eventually i realised i was being used as a birthing chamber of sorts. this mf was a self firtilising creature, his cock also acted as an ovipositor. at one point he stopped moving, but held me firmly down by the hips, and began squeezing out eggs into me. one by one they slid out from his cock and into my body. they were smooth and slimy and began to fill me up quickly. i began to really swell up then. my stomach sagged from all the weight. i could make out the shape of the eggs, lots of round and soft balls portruding from my belly. the monsters big hands moved over my stomach then, his hard claws prodding at the soft eggs a little. he began jiggling me up and down again, my belly wobbled from the weight of it. he was clearly going for another round of cum so he could do another round of eggs. it was like it was automatic, he wasn't really thinking about it.

i could feel my body getting weak, and i didn't want to die from being filled up too much. so i communicated to him to stop. i remember standing up and thinking "damn, my party members are going to think im weird as fuck".

and yeah, for the rest of the dream i kept exploring the labrynth. i eventually got out i think, but i still couldn't stop thinking about that weird asf but enjoyable asf thing i had done.

.