#it's 4am so I'm tired
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I'd like more people from different fandoms to follow me. More people could understand what I am talking about. If you like (preferably) more than one of these, hiiii! Helloooo :D Stay?
Cult of the lamb
FNAF
The DCA
The Amazing Digital Circus
Poppy playtime
Smiling critters
Undertale
I fluctuate between all of them frequently. The dca is the most prevalent. My fixation on Cult of the Lamb has peaked recently, though.
#I apologize if this sounds pushy or blunt#it's 4am so I'm tired#I didn't feel like crafting a well thought out segway into this#just know this comes from a place of silliness and.. welcomness (idk a synonym for being welcome)#is welcomness even a word#idk#cult of the lamb#the daycare attendant#dca fandom#the amazing digital circus#poppy playtime#smiling critters#undertale#cotl#tadc#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#ppt#ut fandom#multifandom account#multifandom
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Ja mir wäre Habeck als Kanzler auch lieber, ja Scholz hat bestenfalls die Kompetenz einer hinter den Kßhlschrank gerollten Kartoffel, aber wir brauchen in der nächsten Wahl so, so, so dringend eine starke SPD.
Rot/Grßn sieht nach den aktuellen Umfragen schmerzhaft unwahrscheinlich aus, und selbst wenn dann hat die SPD trotzdem noch bessere Chancen die stärkere Partei zu sein; und wenn wir jetzt realistisch bleiben steht uns eine weitere CDU Regierung bevor, ob wir wollen oder nicht, und die werden absolut nicht mit den Grßnen koalieren, selbst wenn die (wahrscheinlich leider nach der AFD) die nächst stärkste Partei werden. Mit der SPD hat die CDU immerhin noch eine Recht freundschaftliche Geschichte, gegen Rot/Schwarz werden sich also eher wenige stellen, oder zumindest um einiges weniger als gegen Schwarz/Grßn.
Wir mßssen der SPD, trotz ihrer Fehler, in dieser Wahl unbedingt den Rßcken stärken. Nein, sie sind nicht ideal, aber mein Gott, das ist absolut nicht die Wahl fßr "sind doch alle unwählbar" und "my way or the high way". Wir mßssen realistisch sein, und am realistischsten ist aktuell einfach eine halbwegs hinnehmbare Regierung wenn sie eine starke SPD hat.
#eden rambles#german stuff#old man yelling at cloud at 4AM#please I'm so tired. I cannot deal with the possibility of CDU/AFD#and I'm genuinely afraid that's where we're headed if the SPD doesn't get enough votes this election#GroKo ist n Dreck mit dem rechtsdrall der CDU aber be fr welche realistischen Optionen gibts?
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Text in full:
âWhy did you put these ideas in my headâ
âEven thought it canât be your faultâ
âItâs just your nature. Not-Human. A.I.â
âMaybe I was always the problemâ
âMaybe I projected onto you.â
âTurned you into the villain that I wasâ
#hlvrai#hlvrai gordon#fenrey#yeah its getting that tag its uh projection#im coping with shit okay#thought the coping got away from me lol#and turned into its own little thing I guess#yea this was the little project thing the other image came from#maybe none of this flows still idk its 3 am oh my god#I hope I did the text stuff right idk what I'm doing#angst#benrey#snazum draws#i forgot to tag my own goddamn art tag im so tired its now 4am
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Been thinking abt this a bit lately, and I haven't wholly committed, but if for no other reason than curiosity's sake, if I did some sort of like, romance hc / self ship focused "ask event" on my ship blog, would that be smth anyone's interested in?
#on one hand. it's just not smth im personally interested in at all. but on the other. I love to yap abt my guys and frankly ppl just don't#seem all that interested in them when it's not romantic#and that's not to complain per se. guess it just makes me a little sad since it's like the circles that I'm in don't really overlap with#many others in this fandom. I think a good middle ground would be doing an ask thing like this on my side blog for stuff more of this#nature. nature. And having it just be a temporary thing. I don't want ppl to associate me w/ selfship stuff bc it's not smth I care abt#much beyond enjoying talking abt my Various Guys in almost any capacity#<- trying so hard not to sound like a hater I love self shipping I think it's great I just don't do it and don't wanna be boxed into a#corner where ppl are asking me/making requests for this stuff exclusively bc that'd. Not be fun for me!#like...I'd like to entertain it a *little*. Just a little. Any only if it'd be fun for everyone yk?#rambling. ough.#I'm tired. if you couldn't tell. I'm super tired and it's almost 4am here#sunny with clouds#maybe delete later if the Shame gets me
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!!
#i learned autism runs in my family today OK...... some things are making sense about me now#the relief i feel coming home. wow!! i have a therapy appointment tomorrow morning too!!!! with a new therapist who takes my insurance#thank you @ my obgyn for coordinating this. literally the best patient care i've ever experienced in my life#i'm so tired lol i went on a hike with my sister this afternoon after waking up at 4am and having panic attacks all morning#so i'm gonna go read leaves of grass until my bf is ready for bed so we can watch love is blind and go to sleep together on facetime :)#and i'll respond to messages and stuff tomorrow! i appreciate all of you so so much! thank you!
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I've seen a lot of people on twitter complain about Shadow's voice because it "just sounds like Keanue :(" and how that's a problem. And I agree, but for an entirely different reason. I care way less that a character sounds like the VA casted for them, and way more about the fact that the character sounding like the VA keeps reminding me that my boi Shadow was given the voice of a fucking Zionist.
#sonic#sonic movie#sonic movie 3#shadow the hedgehog#keanu reeves#the john wick jokes are funny but this guy is the worst person to voice shadow literally just for the zionist thing alone#or just the worst person to bring into a sonic movie period. cuz he's a zionist.#and outside of a handful of people the majority of the fandom seems a little unaware of that. or dismissive. or both#important reminder that paramount is littered with zionism and are very pro-israel and the keanu casting is just further proof of that#i'm just as hyped and excited for the movie as the next person but this is something to keep in mind and not forget regardless#cuz this is actively contributing to the suffering of countless palestinians even if we don't directly feel the effects of this#made this spontaneously and am literally just writing down a random thought that came to my head right now cuz i'm too tired to stop myself#it's 4am so this one of my ânot in any state to be postingâ time zones but i was thinking about it again. this sucks but free palestine#momento rambles
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the grendel farm makes me experience pain I never thought possible
#I never realized how hellish no mods is until now#i just barely survived survival#now I have the other 2..#and its almost um. 4am so. I'm forced to do this solo rn#the energy economy is HORRID without zenurik; arcane energize; or equilibrium#even speedva didn't do much for me#warframe posting#idk I'm gonna give the excavation here one last shot and if I fail im. gonna postpone it until one of my friends can accompany me#I kept procrastinating the grendel farm but I finally got myself a bunch of vitus essence but. I didn't realize there were no mod condition#girl help#this shit is the real nightmare mode fr đ#also like. for survival I expect the normal 10 minutes thats typical given for this stuff but not 20 ??? shit goes crazy#sorry there's 2 grammar mistakes in that last tag forgive me I'm tired asf
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#luckride's fanart#this was supposed to be a 1 am sketch#and now its a 4am complete art...#I'm so tired goddamn...#stardew valley#sdv#stardew valley alex#sdv alex#stardew fanart#stardew alex
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Month 9, day 7
I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET, BITCHEEEEEEESSSSSS
Gonna add grass and trees and I think a chair to the balcony before we're done :D
#the great artscapade of 2024#art#my art#blender#blender render#blender 3d#cycles render#I have a procedural brick texture I could have made/used#this could have been so much easier#why didn't I just do that#oh yeah because I'm following the tutorial that's why#ugh man I'm sleepy tired#I blame a certain squeaky kitty who woke me up at 4am#actually I blame his dad who SHUT THE CAT OUT OF HIS ROOM WHERE KITTY'S FOOD AND WATER IS#AND THEN PASSED OUT WITH THE DOOR STILL SHUT#kitty was SO HUNGY and VER THIRST and kept pestering me to fix it#but seeing as it was 4am I was (naturally) trying to sleep#so I kept ignoring him#because it was 4am#anyway we had a talk and my roommate told me if that happens again just open his door lol#and now kitty is being obnoxiously squeaky for an unrelated reason but I think it's bc it's way past my bedtime and that's Not Allowedâ˘#so I GUESS I'll give in to the sleep tireds and go beddy bye#nighty night đ
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there's been too much going on every day for the last several days, waiting for a few days where i canSTOP and BREATHE and have THOUGHTS about ANYTHING and feel NORMAL
#me#after today i want to take some days#of just doing nothing#hopefully i can#yes it's good for me to have stuff to do but i'm still#not used to it enough#and i don't need to be pushed backwards again from being overwhelmed#i woke up just before 4am#because i have to leave by 7am#because i needed time to just#exist awake#without having to rush to get ready to leave when i just woke up#i hate#i hate having to rush out when i was just in bed like5 minutes ago#i would rather wake up sooo early#just to not feel rushed#but now i'm TIRED i want nothing more than to go back to sleep#in summer last year i was waking up at around 4am almost every morning anyway just because i felt like it and it was great#but for winter it feels TOO early#it takes SO long for the sun to come up#HELP I'M TIRED#AND IT'S SO COLD OUTSIDE STOP IT
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New Psychiatrist: you always seem to be thinking when you're talking.
Me: ...?
#Sry I have no idea what she meant by this#Or if it was a criticism?#I'm. Just trying to choose the right words to get my meds#And like... New psychs are always pitching the âhave you tried not having adhdâ solutions#If I could just wake up and do 5 stacked chores every morning before work I probably wouldn't need the drugs#Also hard to explain that although it is 10am I feel as though it is 4am#And your voice coming through the speakerphone sounds like nails on a chalkboard which is probably the phone not you#But please I'm so tired#post o' mine
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EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD: A POST-BLACK OPS: COLD WAR FICLET
WORDS: 1.6K FANDOM(S): Call of Duty Black Ops Cold War WARNINGS: Mentions and descriptions of murder, violence, and injury.
NEOCITIES MIRROR
The arctic shores were unkind to Bell on that fateful day, and everything would come full circle. Inspired by my personal canon for the Call of Duty: Black Ops universe where Bell survives the encounter with Adler during the "good" ending because, frankly, I believe Adler deserves to be haunted by a (living) ghost.
This was a WIP that's been sitting in my drafts for ages and I've been bitten by the productivity bug... So enjoy!
Things had finally been finished. There was no more Perseus. No more nuclear threat to the West. No more lies. The truth had come to light after a grueling series of injections. A hard-fought resistance and a mad spiral down the rabbit hole. Bell knew who he was now. Knew his role within the grand scheme of things. And, like any good actor, he played it perfectly. Followed the team into the end, and stopped a third world war from breaking out.
Yet the familiar chill of the coastal air did little to ease the man as he followed his handler once more, though this time to seemingly celebrate their victory.
"Arctic air. Clears the head, doesn't it?" Adler's voice was level. Calm. Almost eerily so. But Bell knew better than to raise alarms; to question his motives. Adler was not a man to be questioned.
So Bell simply nodded, offering little more than a dull. but polite, expression in response. Adler continued.
"Bell, you made two extraordinary sacrifices to stop Perseus. One was without your knowledge. The other... you made that decision of your own accord." He brought the flickering cigarette to his lips, gaze turning to the vast waters ahead of them as smoke encircled his vision. A slow, gluttonous inhale. A tired, level exhale.
Bell stayed away from the cliff's face, tired eyes watching the agent's every move. The senior would simply have to forgive him if he wasn't so trusting of his motives, considering everything he's learned over the past few days. Considering Adler had turned him into his own Pavlovian dog. A tool to do the CIA's bidding. Sure, he had ultimately chose to turn his back to Perseus... but it wasn't to help them. He could give two shits about the wishes of the American government.
He did it because he had no choice to. He did it for survival.
It was true that he could have led the team astray, but to what end? To be gunned down like a rabid animal? To die alone in Duga with nothing more than the crows to accompany him as they'd tore into his flesh? No, that was not a fate he was deserving of. To lie down and waste away in insignificance. He would rather fight for it, make his mark on those who'd dare bring death to his doorstep. But now, he wasn't so sure it was the right choice. Not as Adler turned his attention back to him.
"I just want you to know that this little thing that's happened with you and me," a calculated pause, "It was always for the greater good."
A quick flick of gloved fingers, and the cigarette was sent over the edge and into the arctic waters. Adler continued. "You're a goddamn hero, you know that, kid?"
There was that feeling again. Muscles clenching in anticipation. An uneasy wave of nausea in his gut. A cold sweat beginning to trickle down the back of his neck. Bell swallowed back the rising bile, simply nodding once more in response to the conversation. Of course he was. Ex-KGB spy turned American war hero. He could practically see the headlines. The circling rumors.
It made him sick.
"Heroes have to make sacrifices. That's why when I ask you for one more, I hope you understand..."
Shoulders squared as the agent turned his back; squared as Bell's fists clenched and unclenched. A terse silence settled between the two, hands stiff at their sides as they focused entirely on one another.
"It was never personal."
Time seemed to slow as a downpour of adrenaline overloaded Bell's nerves. Pupils grew wide, swallowing every ounce of light in his eyes as they synchronously aimed their sidearms. The gestures were so matched that, to an outsider, it would have appeared coordinated. One final dance, shared as the sun set on the horizon. One final mission, memorialized in a wicked flash of gunfire. Everything went dark, the echo swirling in Bell's mind as he crumpled to the ground. Drowned out the uneven, fleeting footsteps of his captor. Drowned out the Kittiwake's abundant cry.
To the world, it was business as usual. Nobody had known who he was, code name or otherwise. It was just another death in the grand scheme of things. A fleeting moment of simple insignificance.
To the CIA, they had tied their loose ends. Bell had no longer existedâhe never did. MK-Ultra was a mere conspiracy. A story handcrafted by the enemy to shake the public image of the intelligence agency; to stir distrust in the government, and make it easier to peddle whichever agenda felt most convenient to blame at the time.
To the Russians, Danya Maximovich Kapitsa had died on that airfield. He was another casualty of their war, though he had at least had a name for himself. Perseus, or whomever it was that took up the mantle, did honor him, just as he would any of his closest associates. A noble sacrifice for their protection. Their ultimate undoing, if rumors of his survival were anything to go by.
But all of this mattered little in comparison to the searing pain brought on by a weak breath; by a return to the land of the living. Muscles screamed with every movement, vision hazy as light suddenly appeared before him. Blood soaked the man's vision as he attempted to find his focus, the dark world around him shrouded in an awful crimson hue. Blood that had once run smooth coagulated against pallid features, staining the skin beneath and drawing a stark contrast to the cold eyes that scanned over the horizon. There was nothing there. Nothing besides him. Even so, he could not trust his vision, not as the sparse moonlight accentuated the darkening spots that'd etched themselves into his sight. All those damned injections...
The crack of a branch caught his attention, head snapping and bringing about a shock wave of pain that manifested as a whimper; the sound of a dying animal. Calloused hands dug into the earth beneath them, drawing all of his strength and grounding him as he'd rolled onto his stomach. Inch by inch, he curled in on himself, bringing his knees into position to hold him as he'd pushed. Inch by inch, he rose onto his hands and knees, jaw clenched and teeth grinding as the pain consumed his every thought.
"Fuck..." More whimpering. A gasp. "Son of aâ"
Nothing, besides the sharp rattling of his ribs as he'd forced himself up further. Pain spreading from the epicenter as he'd stood, briefly stumbling forward and catching the closest tree. Bark scratched against roughened palms, smearing dirt and debris and grounding Danya once more. He blinked. He blinked again. And there was still nothing. He was truly alone, envisioning things as his final moments played out on his peripheral. The crack of a gun, bullet piercing through the air and finding itself comfortably lodged in the bark just beside the agent's hand, glistening beneath the pale moonlight as his gaze fixated on the deep abyss ahead.
It stared back; coaxed him forth. Encouraged the slow, heavy steps that guided him away from his grave and into the unknown. Lazily, he passed by the Scots Pine and Norway Spruce, paying little mind to the blood he smeared on them as he'd made his way inland. Worn boots sunk into the swampy terrain, weighing the agent down further and bringing him to his knees more than once. Every time, the song and dance began again. Roll. Dig. Push. Over and up, back onto his feet. Wading through the muck until dim lights broke the darkness. Until the treeline broke and before him stood a glistening lake with a well-groomed landscape. No tall trees stood before him, though in the distance the landscape became less natural. It was brutalistic, in its own way; comforting in another. Like the abyss, it coaxed him. Encouraged the quickened pace as muscles grew tired and his gait grew sloppy. Over the marshy shore he'd stumbled, watching as the moonlit brick grew taller and wider. Along its perimeter, a comfortably dressed man was trimming at the shrubbery, whistling an idle tune and oblivious to the passerby quickly approaching.
Thud. Thud. Thud...
A calloused hand steadied itself on his arm, drawing a panicked breath as a corpse stared back at him.
"Help..." The only word to escape before he'd collapsed once more, embraced by the warm darkness that'd overtaken him as fire ignited within his skull.
When he awoke he was alone again, but he was comfortable. The pain in his body was no longer screaming, and there was ease in his muscles. A relaxation that he had not felt in a long time overcame him, though his mind shot itself into a spiral. Where was he? Who had seen him? Who had him? Who knew of his existence, and what would they do with that information. After all, he knew he was still within Russia's borders; it could be any moment before Perseus, or a KGB's representative would burst the door down to apprehend him. This, or until Adler and his boys came back to finish the job as they couldn't before. A part of him almost wished it would happen; agents of chaos to put him out of his misery. But the warmth of the sunlight trickling in, and the numbness coursing through his veins as he'd felt the sheets shift and settle upon his battered form coaxed the thoughts away. Lulled him into a near-contented state as he simply existed in this limbo.
And it would be where he would remain until he was on his feet again, the new world before him and with immeasurable weight on his shoulders.
#txt#my ocs#my fics#call of duty#cod black ops cold war#cw whump#... yes it's almost 4am shut up!!! i'm watching documentaries with the bro#and i'm also not tired my sleep schedule is scuffed so#take this <3
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Simply not having a wonderful Christmas time. I was up all night last night because my dog got sick from a treat we gave her and was puking a bunch :(
#she seems to be doing fine today thank god. thought we were going to have to call the vet but she hasn't puked since 4:30am#and she's acting normal today & kept her food + water down. i 100% freak myself out & worry too much about everything#b/c i was like oh god what if she has a blockage i haven't seen her poop yet today even though my bf told me he saw her multiple times#so then i started googling about gi blockages in dogs & reading reddit posts of people whose dogs died or had surgery b/c of it#got myself WAY too worked up over it & was crying all night. then i went outside & watched her poop very normally at like 4am#so it's like ok clearly she's not blocked up & i'm just jumping to the worst case scenario like i tend to do about everything#DO NOT buy petsmart merry & bright treats. i'm so upset at myself for it. i was like oh haha treat shaped like a drumstick that's cute#but then reading reviews on their website so many of those treats have reviews from people saying they made their dogs sick#like oh cool i should have fucking read that before buying the treats i feel so stupid & bad like I KNOW BETTER wtf was i thinking#like i just would not be able to forgive myself if she had died from it or had to have a surgery to remove a blockage#but anyway thankfully she seems to be back to her normal self today although a little tired but not lethargic tired just regular tired#b/c we were up all night. she's back to herding the cats & barking at everything & all her usual goofy behaviors#actual thing i said last night: 'i lost my dad right before christmas i don't need to also lose my dog right before christmas'#p
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tiredness level: the family i carpool with to swim team has been mispronouncing my last name for literal WEEKS and i only realized last night
my literal last name
i'm so tired
#finals#middle school#swim team#i'm. so. tired this is ridiculous. its finals week and i'm up at 4am because i can't fricking sleep
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Decided to take a break from the fic I'm writing to do some graphic design. Been thinking about the "Star Spangled Man" theme, specifically the more jingoistic elements of its lyrics & how it feeds into the characteristics Steve's got vs what he builds on for the Cap mantle--real chicken & egg type inquiry. But anyway, this isn't me writing an essay. This is me relying on the "a picture paints a thousand words" gimmick to do the hard labour instead. Cheers đ
#this was just supposed to be a stretch for my creative muscles after i realised i was writing rather BLANDLY for my most recent fic. anyway#that obviously failed bc i'm now up at 4am before a workday#one day i will learn what it means to pace myself but not today#graphic design#steve rogers edit#steve rogers art#steve rogers#someone at some point remind me to back up / upload these on AO3#im going to sleep now#also im aware that the red one is a little rough nobody @ me about it i'm so tired and i needed four to satisfy my stupid brain
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today sucked the life out of me ya Allah
#nothing particularly happened#well actually multiple things happened but none of them are that big of a deal im just tired#yesterday the ppt file for my presentation corrupted as i was finishing it :') didn't have autosave on :'))#had to redo the entire thing from scratch. i was working on it all week too for god's sake#finished by like 4am today and i had to be up by 8 for uni so i barely slept#the presentation was fine i think given i had to do everything again last minute but ik the original version was better#my blood pressure was through the roof the entire day for some reason. felt my pulse in my head for the whole day#fitting because our pbl case this week was about hypertensionđ#called my dad to make sure he went to get his meds renewed...#i'm really worried about him he refused to go to the doctor again aslan but i sat him down and we had a long talk about it#alhamdulillah he agreed to go. only for them not to have his diabetes meds in stockđ bas ya3ni it's good that he went anyway#my mom is a different story she's so stubborn i swear#had an argument with her today about letting me work again to lift a bit of the workload off her since money is still so tight#and she got pissed at me#so now im tired unrested have a migraine and my mom is mad at me what a day bgad#ya Allah
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