#it's 3am here in country and I AM CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS POST

[midwesthoughts]

I love how the director flimed little naunces of these looks of Paik Seon, like he genuinely gets effected by the way Heejoo directs her gaze, he doesn't wanna miss out on her little expressions and that's because he YEARNED to listen to the sound of her voice, because in THE WORLD OF CHAOS SHE WAS WAS HIS SAFE HOUSE.

Even sharing the podium was too precious for him that the minute he finished his speech... he immediately turned his whole body to see HER

her smile, her contentment, her joy...

Even from the childhood Hejoo was/is/will always be his lighthouse, the shining star in dark night, the sudden of oxygen to a near death person, the one and only saviour.

and all these "look up glances" are infact evidence that he made himself just a mere content in Heejoo's whole book. Her impact is infact larger than his life itself.

and that's why his line " If one day Paik Seon disappears from this world or leaves this title, just know that the Paik Seon I wanna leave behind is the one that ONLY BELONGS TO HEEJOO.

[eurydicees]

tamakyoharu post-canon comfort/cuddling after a long day of work? >w>;;

gonna be honest, i totally forgot that my requests are open and so i saw this ask and was just like? this isn’t a question but i agree? tamakyoharu cuddling. good stuff right there. anyways then i remembered i’m supposed to be writing things, i hope you enjoy <3 

just hold me, tonight

summary: after a long day of studying for the bar exam, haruhi comes home. tamaki and kyoya are waiting for her. 

pairings: tamaki suoh/kyoya ootori/haruhi fujioka 

words: 1191

warnings: none

Haruhi loves her work. Being a lawyer has been her dream since she was young, since she knew what it was like to have a dream. But wanting to be a lawyer also comes with things like this: staying up until 3am studying for class. Pulling all-nighters while preparing for the bar. Breaking down at Tamaki after remembering that the second phase of the bar is three days of essays. Hiding in Kyoya’s arms and trying to forget that the pass rate is 15%, and less than a quarter of lawyers are not men. 

She loves her work; she loves learning about the law and she loves learning about all of the ways she can help people in unfair trials about unfair business practices— she tries not to sound too pointed when she talks to Kyoya about worker’s rights— and all of the ways that the country turns. She likes thinking that her mother did this, too— studied and cried and fought for her place in graduate school and won. 

That doesn’t make it any less hard. 

Haruhi has been at the school library for three hours now, pouring over a series of official documents detailing SCOJ 2007 No. 30. She knew the basics of the case, in theory, but that didn’t make it make sense. That just made it factual. The two, she knows, are very different. 

“We’re closing the library in a moment,” someone says, breaking into her thoughts. Haruhi looks up from the document she’s been reading to find one of the librarians frowning at her. “Go home, Fujioka. You’ve been here for hours.” 

Haruhi sighs. “I’ll head out in a second. Thank you.” 

The librarian— who has spent many a long night watching Haruhi study at the big desk by the window— just nods, then walks away. Haruhi puts the documents back into their binders and folders, stacking them neatly on the to-be-shelved cart nearby. She always feels bad for not putting them away herself, but tonight, all of her limbs feel heavy and she doesn’t have the energy to even try. 

It’s a long journey back to the apartment she shares with Tamaki and Kyoya. It always feels twice as long at night, too, when she’s bone-tired and hungry and feeling defeated. She’s doing well— more than well— in all of her classes, and she knows that she can afford to go home and sleep, but she also thinks that maybe if she stops running now, she’ll never start again. Being in school is like that, Haruhi thinks, running towards your goal, faster and faster and faster, until you trip and break yourself open. 

Unlocking the door to the apartment, Haruhi steps inside to the smell of vanilla. Someone is baking something, and Haruhi just begs the gods that it’s not Kyoya. Tamaki might be a decent baker, but Kyoya couldn’t make cereal without messing it up— he puts the milk in first and it makes both Tamaki and Haruhi want to kick him out of the apartment. 

Haruhi closes the door behind her, calling out, “I’m home!” 

She doesn’t get any answers back, and she tries so, so hard not to feel disappointed by that. She’s always been independent, always been someone who didn’t need to rely on other people for comfort. But in the few years since she joined the host club, since she fell just the littlest bit in love with Tamaki and Kyoya, she’s gotten to rely on other people in a way her younger self would have hated. 

“Haruhi!” Tamaki yells— there’s a thump and the sound of someone scrambling off of a chair and down the hallway. “We’ve been waiting forev— are you okay?” 

At the sight of him, Haruhi’s eyes crinkle up in the way that she does when she’s about to cry; and maybe she’s just feeling extra emotional because of the sleep-deprivation; or maybe it’s just the way that Tamaki is smiling at her, like she’s the only star in the sky; or maybe it’s the way that Kyoya appears behind Tamaki, having walked out of the home office much slower and more refined, but with that fond smile that conveys Tamaki’s same excitement; or maybe— maybe it doesn’t matter. 

She just opens her arms out, biting down hard on her bottom lip, finding some grounding pain to prevent the tears from spilling over her eyes, and asks wordlessly for a hug. 

“Hey,” Tamaki murmurs, moving closer. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. “Is everything alright?” 

“I’m okay,” Haruhi says, words muffled by the way she’s pressing her face into his chest. One of the buttons on his shirt is imprinting itself onto her forehead, but she couldn’t care less— she can feel his heartbeat in her throat, and the way that he holds her makes her feel safer than she has in years. “I’m okay, I promise.” 

Kyoya has come up to them too, and Tamaki steps away so that Kyoya can hug her. Kyoya puts his arms around her waist, lifting her up and spinning around to carry her towards the couch. She laughs as he carries her, lifting her feet up so that she doesn’t get caught on the stairs, until he deposits her on the couch and then flops down with her. 

He’s loose and careless like this, sitting next to Haruhi, shifting her head onto his lap so that he can play with her hair. There’s something sad in his eyes— not disappointment, like she might have expected of him a few years ago, but empathy. Kyoya knows what it’s like to burn out. 

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Kyoya says, tugging at a strand of hair. 

Tamaki follows them into the living room, his footsteps near soundless— but Haruhi would recognize the sound of him even if he were a ghost, a noiseless phantom. He sits down on the floor next to the couch, arm over her stomach, fingers twisting the edge of her shirt. She’s settled between the two of them, Tamaki on one side, Kyoya at the other. 

“I really am okay,” Haruhi says, squeezing her eyes shut. She can feel them best like this; Kyoya’s hands in her hair, Tamaki’s head against her waist. “I’m just exhausted.” 

“Work is hard,” Tamaki agrees. He sits up straight, taking Haruhi’s right hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles, to the back of her hand, to the heel of her palm, to her wrist. “But you’re getting through it. You’re strong.”

Haruhi swallows down any self-deprecating protest. She is getting through it. Tamaki presses his lips again to the place where palm meets wrist, and she sighs. Work is hard. Only 15% of her class is going to pass the bar on the first try. She doesn’t know if she’ll be one of them. She needs to keep studying, keep working, keep hurting. 

But for now, she’s just going to enjoy this moment: Kyoya leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead, Tamaki shifting to rest his head against her stomach, the three of them breathing in tandem. Her boys, she knows, are with her.

[mytrashs-blog]

Movie Star

Pairing: BFF! Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: Angst, SO MUCH ANGST, swearing, Tom being an asshole, there’s a mention of an injury...

Summary: Tom is your best friend, but fame can change a lot of things.

Word Count: 2,609 (Probably the longest one piece I’ve done)

A/N: So! This is an entry for @unholyhaz and @spidey-waffles11 #marvellouswafflescelebration writing challenge. I am actually quite proud of this baby and how freaking painful it is. I was having a hard time with the prompt because I kept wanting to write it the same way it happened in the movie, so yeah, I’m very happy with this. Enjoy! (Please if you do like it, reblog it so it can be read by more and more people).

Part two

(This pic doesn’t belong to me, I took it off google, but I did edit it a little)

You never thought your friendship with Tom would end up like this. Ruined. Potentially forever, and the worst part is that you can’t even be mad about it. He’s been dreaming about becoming big in the movie industry since you were like 7 and dancing ballet at the studio everyday, so him getting big should be something to be happy about, right?

Only it isn’t. And not because he’s always busy and barely even texts back, not even because he never has time to hang out anymore, nor is it because he seems to always be in the other side of the world either filming another damn Marvel movie or any other movie, or promoting his work. No, all of those reasons were not enough to wreck your friendship. What finally did it was the fact that he became so full of himself that you couldn’t stand hearing him talking when you did get to see him. He’s kind of an asshole now.

So you snapped. You were out in a pub with him, Harrison, the twins and a couple of your friends, Tom was telling you about how unacceptable it was that his manager tried to get him, to spend a night in LA in a 4 star hotel instead of a 5 star or a damn Airbnb apartment, how he was tired of this neglecting behaviour from a person that eats from the 5% of his paycheck, and you lost it.

You may be bestfriends with this guy, but you definetely didn’t have the same economical status, and you have to work a normal job like everybody else, you don’t get 5 star hotels ever, for gods sake you don’t even get to travel that often, the only time you’ve been out of the country was when Tom took you to Atlanta to do some reshoots back when the first Spider-Man happened, so you made well sure to tell him he was behaving like a brat, posh and whiny rich kid. And he didn’t like it, so he called you a jealous uptight bitch that’s bitter because an ankle injury killed off her career, which was a low blow. So you stormed out of the place.

It was a pretty public scene and there were a few videos from different angles of nearby tables at the pub and a few pictures of both of you screaming at each other, and of you getting out of the place while fuming, and of Tom getting his car a driving off while visibly pissed. It’s been the story of the moment (at least in your life). All your social media was full of Tom’s fans calling you a fake friend, a bitch, a brat, whore, slut… some even sent death threats, which was a bit disturbing, but not surprising.

Of course Tom wasn’t helping at all either, he stopped following you, but didn’t block you so you could see him liking all the rude messages directed to you, and he was being very very vocal about the importance of having real friends and how loyalty is a very important thing and how he had to learn that the hard way very recently. So yeah, like a whiny rich boy.

You were scrolling down instagram, trying to focus on something else, but the notifications were still blowing with comments and tags on rude posts, so decided enough was enough and you started an Instagram Live, not even 1 minute in and you already had a handful of people watching and commenting snake emojis and very strong language words, but you ignored it as you started talking.

“Hello everyone, thanks for all the lovely wishes, I apreciate them a lot, you don’t wanna know. So, I’m here because, since I don’t go around doing interviews for a job, I have to find an outlet to let out my side of the story, because all stories have more than one side and one shouldn’t decide on a side unless you’ve heard all sides of it- the story, I mean.

Tom and I became best friends since day one of us meeting, that was 16 years ago, we were always inseparable and I always knew I had someone to rely on and he had someone to rely on in me. Pretty strong bond. I always knew he wanted to be an actor, the best actor he could be, and I always knew he would make it, because he’s always been so incredibly talented and dedicated and he was very determined, so when he finally got his big chance being casted as Spider-Man I was the first one to celebrate him. As his fame and recognition started growing, he started hanging out with a lot more celebrities and he started picking up on personality traits that aren’t that cool, but at the beggining it was so minimal that I’d just ignore it.

By the time he was filming Far from Home, I think, he was a full on movie star. Every place we’d go, a few cameras would follow and fans would show up, and he loved putting on a show for everyone, to the point where he’d ignore anyone that’s with him. But that’s no the worst part. I can forgive him for having an ego, we all have one, some are bigger than others and that’s cool, but what’s not cool is being condescending to the people who work with or for you. I dont’t believe in people from first or second class, for me everyone is equal and everyone’s work is just as dignified and worthy as anyone else’s, that’s why I finally lost my respect for Tom, because he started treating people that don’t have the same level of privilege as him like they’re less than him. That’s not the way we were raised, those are not the values that my best friend has and I know it’s all because of all the media attention he has.

You all give everything to him in a silver platter, so he now became a bratty movie star, another self centered celebrity that feels entitled. So congratulations. You have created a celebrity, but you have wrecked a human being inside. And I don’t feel like I deserved to be attacked this way for not wanting to put up with being belittled and treated like a peasant. Thanks.”

You finished the live and you broke crying, of course. It hurts to know that your best friend is no longer, that you’re never gonna have all those amazing midnight adventures. Like when you escaped from your houses at 15 to go to that crazy party all the school was attending but your mothers wouldn’t let you go. You remember how you got drunk after just one or two beers and ended up walking and giggling back home at 3am. You were in so much trouble the next day.

Or when he got casted as Peter Parker and you were so happy that you spent the whole night laying in his bed talking about all the hard work you both had done to make your dreams come true. That night he told you how he was proud of you for working so hard on your dancing career and how you were his favourite dancer ever. And you told him that you always knew he’d make it. You promised each other to always be there for the other.

He was the first to arrive to the hospital when you had the accident onstage that ended your career, he held you on those long nights when you’d cry and cry, he was there when you were angry at the world for not letting you have your dream. He helped through everything and never left your side until you were back on your feet and you had a new plan for your life.

He’s not here now though. He’s the one holding the gun on your back and you were the one that threw the first punch. You feel guilty. You ruined everything. You should’ve told him that he shouldn’t behave that way. Of all people, it should’ve been you holding his feet on the ground, and now it all went to shit because of you. It’s all your fault and maybe you do deserve the furious fans and the creepy reporters jumping on you every now and then, and maybe you deserve all those messages because maybe you were a fake friend.

You really don’t have the evergy to get out of bed for the days that followed. It could’ve been just two days, or a week, maybe even months for all you knew; but you stayed in bed, you would cry, eat and sleep and nothing more. Your phone was in some unknown place of your house, you hadn’t even attempted to find it and maybe it ran out of battery long ago, but who cares? definetely not you. You were walking around in your pajamas, looking for ice cream in your freezer or maybe some chocolate bars, or chips… or whatever came to view first, but you were interrupted by the ring of your doorbell and then a knock on your door, you thought about ignoring it, but then they knocked again so you brought yourself to the door and opened it.

You froze when you saw Tom on the other side of your door, looking probably just as destroyed as you do, red puffy eyes, messy hair, he was wearing sweatpants and an old shirt, an unusual look since now he’s always trying to look his absolute best. This guy in front of you resembled your best friend since childhood more than any of the high fashion versions of Tom, but it still ached in your heart that he was in this state in your front door unannounced.

“Tom… w-what are you doing h-here?”

“I uh… read a rumor and I needed to see it wasn’t true.”

“What?” You suddenly feel your blood boiling. The only reason he came was because of some rumor he read, he doesn’t regret anything, he doesn’t miss you, he just wants to see if some stupid rumor is true. You go to close the door in his face but he pushes the door.

“You wanna know what it was? Y/N listen to me, please!” You try to push harder, but he’s way stronger than you are so you give in and let him in, but the frown never leaves your face and you cross your arms over your chest.

“I’m listening.” You really don’t want to get your guard down, but the way Tom is looking at you right now makes it really hard. He looks at you the way one looks at a youth treasure you found after years of longing. The way you look at a flower that grows against all odds in the middle of a desserted field. And it’s making you feel very aware of him. You notice how the bags under his eyes are deeper than ever, his skin doesn’t look as flawless and polished as it did the last time you saw him, you can even see some spots around his forehead, you notice how he’s still unable to tame that eyebrow and how they also look a little unplucked, you can also see the tarce of a beard, the kind that tells you that maybe he didn’t shave this morning and even the day before that, and his hair is not only messier but it’s also longer. And it’s grounding to see him look so human, vulnerable and real right in front of you.

“There were some rumors going around that you might’ve… that you maybe… y-you had..”  For some reason he was unable to look you in the eye, and every time he tried to speak he’d take a small step closer to you. “That you maybe had… comitted… suicide…”

You froze where you stood, and maybe your jaw fell slack, and maybe you even stopped breathing, where the fuck did he read that? What the actual fuck are people saying? your blood started boiling with rage, not even at Tom anymore, but at the world, why does everyone suddenly feel entitled to say those terrible things and why? Because you haven’t been on social media in a long time? People seriously need to understand that other people exist outside the internet and the have lives outside social media.

“I seriously hate people. Well… here I am, alive and well, is that everything?” you ask as you raise a brow, expecting him to say something else, but he looks at you taken a back, he’s at a loss of words because he was expecting this to fix things.

“Umh… yeah?”

“Okay then, I’ll walk you to the door.” You say flatly and start making your way back to your front door.

“Y/N wait… I do need to say something else” He grabs you by the wrist and turns you around, you end up mere inches away from him, his hand still holding you. His gaze roams all over your face, he looks down at your lips while licking his, but then he looks up to your eyes. “I’m sorry. About everything. I was a dick, and maybe I am an idiot for realizing I don’t want to lose you until I read those terrible things and it hurt as hell to even imagine a world without you in it. I don’t want to live the rest of my life without your surprise texts when I’m away filming, or your weird gif replies, or our film nights and crazy getaways. You’re the best friend that I have. And I love you, Y/N. I really, really do, and I’m sorry it took me so long to admit that to you.” If this had happened a few months ago, you would have kissed him already. You loved him for such a long time, it almost hurt you, you had all those feelings for him stored inside you and at times it felt like they couldn’t fit anymore and you’d just explode, but that changed. You changed. And so did he.

“I accept your apology, Tom.” you took a long pause before speaking again, and you could see in Tom’s eyes that it was killing him to wait, every second feeling longer than the previous, until you spoke again. “But it’s gonna take a lot more than that to fix our friendship. I’m sorry I don’t share your feelings, but I received death threats over twitter, so many hate comments coming to me everyday… and you were liking them, encouraging people to keep attacking me! You expect me to just forget about that and act like it never happened? And you expect me to just throw myself at your arms and live happily ever after? It really doesn’t work like that, Tom. You have to go now.” He stayed looking at you for a moment, and you could see the heartbreak in his eyes, but your own heart was breaking aswell. Maybe you could fix this, but it would take more than this, and right now you could not see him in your apartment.

“Please leave Tom” Your voice was just a pleading whisper at this point, but Tom did let go of your wrist and you sighed when you felt the cold breeze hit the skin where his hand had been. He walked past you and opened the door, taking one last look at you as one single tear fell from your eyes. And the door closed.

---

Tagging a few people that might be interested so it doesn’t flop :)

@caeruleum-in-caritate-lupus, @softstarkk, @peterparkerbabyy, @dottirose, @legit-fandom-trash, @carostar2020, @appreciating-chase-brody, @mvmakki @madmadmilk @hollandrecs @starksparker @sunshinehollandd

[queentaylormademedoit]

How Scott Borchetta’s Statement ‘Exposing’ Taylor Swift Actually Proves Her Point Completely

First, here is Taylor Swift’s open letter:

https://taylorswift.tumblr.com/post/185958366550/for-years-i-asked-pleaded-for-a-chance-to-own-my (if the link is being weird you can find it on her tumblr)

And here is the link to Scott Borchetta’s responding statement:

https://t.co/OqGI4GoN3P

(If the link is being weird you can find it on his twitter)

Think he just revealed shocking information that Swift is an evil, crazy, lying woman who just wants to make ~drama~ for no reason? Think again. Let’s break down his statement piece by piece from the beginning.

To refute Borchetta’s misleading opening statements, Taylor Swift’s father was NOT on the shareholders phone calls because NDAs would not have allowed him to communicate any information to his daughter. Instead 13 Management Lawyer Jay Shaudies and Big Machine LLC Shareholder Frank Bell were on the call to represent her side. The hilarious thing is that Borchetta tries to call into question Taylor’s statement that she “woke up to the news (of the sale to Scooter Braun) with the rest of the world” by saying he thinks it is “possible” that they “didn’t say anything to Taylor over the prior 5 days” and “possible” that she “might not have seen” his text, but that he “truly doubts she woke up to the news when everyone else did”. During the time between June 25 to June 27th, the possible deal in SCOTT BORCHETTA’s OWN WORDS, was a “PROPOSED TRANSACTION”. Meaning, the deal was still in discussion, a vote had not occurred yet and Taylor was hoping that the majority of shareholders would not vote in Braun’s favor. On Friday, June 28th Borchetta says 3 of the 5 shareholders voted yes on the proposal.

Scott then says “I personally texted Taylor at 9:06 on Saturday, June 29th to inform her prior to the story breaking on the morning of June 30th so she could hear it directly from me”. That’s right. He said “so she could hear it directly from me” meaning that he knew he would be the first person to contact her with this information, my guess being that for “courtesy” as he puts it (aka image), he wanted it to come from him. Now, he suggests that Taylor must have seen this text message but here’s a couple things: #1: 9:06pm Nashville time IS nighttime and I imagine when you’re Taylor Swift you’re probably doing something or exhausted and sleeping, #2: MORE IMPORTANTLY it is extremely unlikely that Taylor was in Nashville. many believe that she was in London at this time (where she has a residence with her sweet British man), in which case it would have been 3AM for her. Even if she was in New York it would have been 10pm and she’s TAYLOR SWIFT she probably gets a million messages to go through a day, not to mention probably tries to have some semblance of a personal life. So yes, she did in fact “wake up to the news” that this deal was officially made, with the rest of the world. This is such a stupid detail that Taylor has absolutely no reason to lie about but Scott Borchetta tried to call her character into question with it so there ya go, it’s been addressed.

Moving on.

Her 13 Management team attorney is Donald S. Passman (also known as ‘the author of music law’-Roy Trakin, Grammy.com) who went over the initial “offer” (if you can even call it that) which Scott Borchetta made to Taylor. As Passman has explicitly said in public statements, “Scott Borchetta never gave Taylor Swift an opportunity to purchase her masters, or the label, outright with a check in the way he is now apparently doing for others”. This “offer” was NOT for such a purchase.

Taylor Swift had expressed to Scott Borchetta multiple times that she wanted a chance to bid outright for control of her masters, but was always denied. Considering how much her body of work of the last 13 years means to her (6 record-breaking, award winning albums with songs she penned from the heart), Taylor was reluctant to walk away, because she knew Borchetta would likely sell, and she’d never own her masters. So, her team discussed the possibilities of what control she could get over her works if she stayed for 7 years, but Scott Borchetta “offered” back that she stay on for 10 more years and could essentially earn these rights in trade for new materials created with the label. That is basically trapping her into a continuous cycle.

Scott is aware that this was not a good deal, as he defends himself in his statement saying, “We are an independent record company. We do not have tens of thousands of artists and recordings. My offer to Taylor, for the size of our company, was extraordinary. But it was also all I could offer as I am responsible for over 120 executives and their families”. While he tries to tug the heartstrings of readers to make him look so caring, the fact of the matter is this: Taylor Swift was the ONLY massive superstar that Scott Borchetta was ever able to get onto his label (not to mention she was his first client and the label was literally created because he found her and convinced a 15 year old girl and her family that in signing a 12 year contract he would remain loyal and supportive because ‘music has value’). Without Taylor’s works on the label, no big deal executive would likely want to buy it and certainly wouldn’t be worth $300 million. If Scott Borchetta really cared about the fact that he is “responsible for over 120 executives and their families” and believed that “music has value” he could have been open to the possibility of Taylor staying on for 7 more years and having greater ownership of the art she creates.

So, when Scott Borchetta stated that “Taylor Swift had every chance in the world to own not just her master recordings, but every video, photograph, everything associated with her career” he really means that she had the chance to very slowly gain these things back over the period of 10 YEARS in exchange for new music (which many have compared to a scare tactic, because he knew losing her would make his label next to worthless). That is not an opportunity for a purchase. Borchetta says Taylor chose to leave, and that is true: she made the excruciating decision to leave because she realized that if she stayed with Big Machine she would never be treated with the respect she deserved to own all that she creates. Also, I imagine being the only pop superstar on a small country artists label likely had its downsides. So, she sacrificed the rights to her past in exchange for a freer future. A painful choice, knowing that Scott Borchetta would likely sell one day, but she never imagined that he would be so disrespectful as to sell to Scooter Braun.

Now, let’s get into that part where Scott Borchetta gets EXCEPTIONALLY DESPICABLE :)

He says that he “certainly never experienced” Taylor “‘being in tears or close to it’ anytime Scooter Braun’s name was brought up”. That’s pretty much her word against his, but regardless of wether or not he knew she was about to cry in such moments, he knew that there was conflict. Borchetta writes, “Was I aware of some prior issues between Taylor and Justin Bieber? Yes,”. Those “issues” as absolutely everyone knows, DIRECTLY INVOLVED Scooter Braun, as was evident when Justin Bieber posted that photo to Instagram of himself FaceTiming Kanye, Scooter Braun, and another man I have yet to identify, captioned “Taylor Swift what up”.

That post showed that these men were publicly laughing at what a lot of people thought would be Taylor Swift’s downfall. At that time, Kim Kardashian (Kanye’s wife) had released snippets of an orchestrated phone call between Kanye and Taylor which was recorded without Taylor’s knowledge. In that “scathing phone call” Kim shared with the world, Taylor agreed for Kanye to include the line “I think me and Taylor might still have sex”, in his new song, which she said was provacative but fine. In that phone call Kanye said he would have her listen to the full song later, but this never happened. He then went on to release the song and music video in which he used the line “I made that bitch famous” (supposedly referencing when he grabbed the microphone out of her hand during her VMA speech when she was 19 years old, to say he thought Beyoncé should have won, much to the disdain of Beyoncé), implying that he was the reason for her (actually hard-earned success), and showed her naked likeness in a hyperrealistic wax figure lain next to him in a bed. He also showed other celebrities nude in this same way, which I personally found equally disturbing. The figures were so realistic that articles immediately came out with headlines like “Was Anyone Real In Kanye West’s Famous Video?”. I agree with Taylor Swift’s statement that this was a form of revenge porn. He visually stripped her naked without her consent in front of the entire world because instead of taking accountability for his own actions (HE is the one who ran onstage and grabbed that mic in 2009 and made himself look like a huge jerk), he decided it was in some twisted awful way her fault that he did that. It tarnished his image, and he dreaded having to publicly apologize to her afterwards even though Taylor was very accepting and actually thought they’d started fresh and new, happily sharing this news publicly.

So yes, I agree with Taylor Swift that those actions should be classified as a form of revenge porn. And I think that anyone who dares to say that her suffering isn’t ‘bad enough’ to call it that, I say you don’t get to determine how profoundly damaging someone else’s level of pain from an experience that you did not have is.

There no possible way that Scott Borchetta was not aware of the extremely difficult position Taylor Swift was in at that time, because the ENTIRE WORLD was aware of it. And Scooter Braun’s implications as manager of Kanye West were without a doubt, known to Scott Borchetta.

In his post, Borchetta continues, claiming, “there were also times when Taylor knew that I was close to Scooter and that Scooter was a very good source of information for upcoming album releases, tours, etc, and I’d reach out to him for information on our behalf. Scooter was never anything just positive about Taylor,”. Taylor being fine with Borchetta communicating with Braun to get information about things like upcoming albums/tours hardly means a thing. If Borchetta had a business source he could ask for information without Taylor’s direct involvement, of course she wouldn’t care. And of course Scooter Braun would not be dumb enough to say bad things about Taylor Swift directly to the owner of Taylor Swift’s label. Obviously, it doesn’t mean that he didn’t share such thoughts to others (go check out Todrick Hall’s recent tweets).

Now, here is where Borchetta goes for a REALLY LOW BLOW:

Borchetta writes, “He [Scooter Braun] called me directly about Manchester to see if Taylor would participate (she declined). He called me directly to see if Taylor wanted to participate in the Parkland March (she declined),”. In this disgusting last-ditch attempt to suggest that Taylor didn’t care about the victims of Manchester or Parkland, Borchetta is actually making it clear that TAYLOR SWIFT REFUSED TO ACCEPT AN INVITATION FROM A MANIPULATIVE MAN WHO SHE KNEW HATED HER. Meaning, Scott Borchetta was FULLY AWARE that Swift did not want to work with Braun. Everyone reacts to tragedy differently. Taylor Swift went on to show her love for the victims of those terrible incidents and her opposition to hatred that caused them. Taylor immediately expressed her sympathies on Twitter and honored the Manchester bombing victims on her Reputation stadium tour, on the night when she performed in Manchester. With Scooter Braun being the manager of Ariana Grande, the artist who was performing the night of the Manchester attacks, it makes sense that Taylor wouldn’t have felt entirely comfortable with the situation. She publicly announced her support for the March for Our Lives movement (started by the students of Parkland High School), and made a generous donation to the cause. Furthermore, Swift has gone on to discuss her personal fear of such attacks (many people have stalked her/broken into her home/tried to get onstage etc), her belief that in the importance of preventing such tragedies and the extra preventative efforts she now goes to in order to keep her fans safe in various interviews. Borchetta’s attempt to suggest that Swift has anything but the deepest sympathies for those tragedies is absolutely revolting.

Finally, Borchetta closes his list of lies with the text message he received from Taylor when she told him of her news to leave Big Machine. In this message, she is kind, heartfelt and respectful of the past that they built together. Borchetta tried to take advantage of this kindness by placing it there as if her politeness and choice to go means she had no interest in a better deal with Big Machine at all.

I’ll include this message in its entirety below, so you can read it for yourself:

Scott,

 I hope this finds you well. Since communication ran dry on our negotiations, I’ve done what I told you I would do and gone out exploring other options. Owning my masters was very important to me, but I’ve since realized that there are things that mean even more to me in the bigger picture. I had a choice whether to bet on my past or to bet on the future and I think knowing me, you can guess which one I chose. I also saw a rare opportunity to effect positive change for a lot of other artists with the leverage I have right now. I know you believe in the same things I do and I’d like to think you would be proud of what I’ve negotiated for in my deal. I wanted to tell you first that I’ll be signing with Lucian. I honestly truly cherish everything you and I have built together and I plan on saying so in my announcement of the new deal. What we accomplished together will be a lasting legacy and a case study on excellent partnerships, and may it continue. I still view you as a partner and friend and I hope you feel the same. Sending you a hug and my most sincere gratitude.

And SO much love,

Taylor

 

I think she makes it very clear that although she was disappointed, she weighed her options and decided to “bet on” her future instead of her past. Meaning, when Borchetta refused to offer her the ownership she wanted, she had to respect her own capability enough to make the difficult choice to walk away. She closes with the statement, “I hope you feel the same. Sending you a hug and my most sincere gratitude, and SO much love,” which shows that she hoped he would continue to regard her and her work with the same care and respect she showed him, even when disappointed.

Scott also includes the email he sent Taylor letting her know about the decision to sell to Scooter Braun:

Dear Taylor,

 

Hope all is well and congratulations on the success of your first two singles from “Lover”! 

 

I can’t wait to hear the entire album…

 

I wanted to pass along to you the same courtesy that you passed along to me in regard to my future.

 

Tomorrow morning (Sunday, June 30th) at 10a central, the Wall Street Journal will announce that I am entering into a merger/acquisition with Scooter Braun and Ithaca Holdings.  This move will give us more pop culture super-power than ever before and I’m so excited about the future. 

 

I want you to know that I will continue to be the proud custodian of your previous works and will continue to keep you and your team abreast of all future plans for releases of you work.

 

Nothing but the best,

 

Scott

 

The letter is polite and to the point, because he has no need to say something nasty. His actions speak loud enough. He was greedy. Taylor knew Borchetta would sell to someone, but that fact that Borchetta went through with selling the life’s work of a talented woman he knew since she was fourteen years old to one of her greatest public intimidators is the ultimate betrayal.

For everyone saying, “well, that’s just business”, I have some news for you. There are good, loyal people out there in business. There doesn’t seem to be many of them, but they exist, and Scott Borchetta pretended to be one of them. This is a matter of moral principle. Of loyalty. Of ‘valuing music’. Taylor Swift isn’t ‘playing the victim’ and she didn’t ‘send people to attack a good man’. She wasn’t ‘bitching’. She isn’t ‘feuding’. She’s speaking her mind. She’s speaking the truth. She’s warning other artists to look out for themselves and she’s holding people accountable for their actions.

I am so, so proud of her.

Forever a Swiftie,

Grace

@taylorswift @taylornation

[rockofeye]

Hello! I have learned so much from your blog and the resources you’ve provided. Thank you for maintaining this space. For a while, I’ve been grappling with belief or faith in the existence of deities, spirits, and other spiritual beings. If it’s not too intrusive or personal, could you share any examples of supernatural occurrences that really demonstrated to you: wow, these things are really real? I apologize if my request is inappropriate or poorly phrased. I’m just searching for answers.

Hello!

I’m glad you have found the blog helpful–beyond just writing about my own experiences, that’s kinda been the whole point!

Faith is a hard thing. There’s no easy on and off switch and we can’t just have it transplanted into us or magically just show up. It’s something I struggled with for a long time because I am a natural skeptic and sometimes a bit of a pessimistic skeptic. I had to learn for myself that faith was a muscle that I needed to exercise to make it work. I think that’s a hard thing, especially in a world and (often) culture that has us explicitly or implicitly looking for proof of things that can often be unseen. 

How I worked through a lot of that for myself was really ‘fake it ‘til you make it’. I acted as if things were of course absolutely one hundred percent as real as the person sitting next to me on the Subway, and, for me, that opened a door for those things to really manifest. Like, I am stubborn and I decided to be stubborn in that way and it worked for me. It was like I was meeting the spirits at least halfway and it gave them something to work with. For me, it worked. The spirits sort of kicked that door in and here we are. YMMV, of course, but really looking at things with open eyes can show you what there is to see. We often say in the religion that Ginen is open for all those who have eyes to see it….a lot of starting out in Vodou is learning how to see.

I am always happy to share a good story. Sharing makes me happy because it fulfills my idealistic desire to give people what was and continues to be given to me: when I was just starting out, people spent hours telling me stories about how they came to be where they were with their spirits. Now stories teach me specific things about the nature of spirits, the nature of spiritual work, and how I operate as a priest.  Story-telling is a huge way we learn things in Vodou, since it is a primarily orally-passed religion, and it is how we connect with each other and form bonds. 

On the other hand, stories can be incredibly personal, and some of the meaning of stories can get lost without personal context, so don’t hold what I say as the be all end all of faith. That being said, the faith I have developed in my spirits over time has become the foundation for my life and I hope it can give a little hope to others.

On with the stories! Not all are distinctly Vodou-related, but most are. Have three:

When I was a small child (no more than 5 or 6), I had a nightmare that I woke up screaming from. I had it a few times, but it stuck with me. I don’t have a lot of clear memories of my childhood, but I have always remembered this dream:

I was playing in the backyard of the house I grew up in and my father was doing yard work. Behind a sort of stone platform was this grinning skeleton who looked at me and laughed, and that terrified me because I was young and scared of scary things. My father was near me, and all of a sudden, the skeleton took out a gun and shot him in the stomach. I watched the blood spread on my dad’s tshirt and he asked me to go and get him a fresh tshirt to wear (normal request for him).

I woke up absolutely terrified from this and it stuck with me basically forever, without me thinking much more of it….until a fete just before I went to Haiti the first time. It was a fet Kouzen and Gede showed up randomly while Kouzen was eating, and I was tending to Gede.

All of a sudden I had this world-crashing-on-my-head moment of clarity and I looked at Gede and said ‘it was you in the dream, wasn’t it’. He started cackling and patted my cheek and told me I had always been his child. Gede had protected/saved me from my father, who has never been a good person. He watched over me while I was small and kept me as safe as was possible.

–

For a long time, I worked third shift in various human services settings. At one program, I worked with a co-worker who I came to know pretty well, and we had a good rhythm to our shifts: for the first four hours, I sat upstairs monitoring the clients while they slept, and she stayed downstairs. We would switch halfway through the night.

One night, I am sitting upstairs and everything is quiet. Co-worker is napping, I am reading, clients are all asleep. All of a sudden, there is this enormous, deafening crash down in the kitchen. I call down and ask my coworker if that was her and if she was okay, she says it was not her and goes to investigate. Nothing is out of place, except a locked cabinet that she left locked was now unlocked and wide open. I didn’t unlock it, she didn’t unlock it, and she is freaked out. 

When I come downstairs for a moment, we hear footsteps on the opposite side of the house (same floor) that we are on, but there is no one there--we can see where we hear it. At this point, every light on the first floor is on and we have checked every door and window on the first floor. They’re all locked. More strange sounds and coworker is very unhappy. She’s from a traditional culture and is on the phone with her sister in her home country talking about how to cast the devil out.

We switch spots for the night, and I go to take a nap on one of the couches in one of the living rooms. It’s post 3AM and as I am falling asleep, I am jolted away by a creepy male voice in my ear and breath on my cheek saying ‘are you ready?’. I leap off the fucking couch and flip on the light, and there is no one there (of course). Like, I am not easily frightened but I expected to turn the lights on and find a man with a knife standing over me. What’s worse is that I could feel the presence of a gross man. I lay there the rest of the night with the lights on.

Around 5:30AM, the first person for the day shift came in. She usually left us alone and had her coffee another room. At about 6AM, I hear what sounds like one of the clients overexuberantly crashing down the stairs. It’s too early for them to be downstairs, so I go to investigate...no client to be found, early coworker saw no client, and upstairs coworker confirms no client is out of their bed. Everyone heard it, but we have no idea where it came from. 

As I am crossing the landing at the bottom of the stairs, I can feel someone looking down on me from the landing above where the stairs turn, and, out of the corner of my eye, I see a large dark figure. Of course when I turn to look, there is no one there...but this huge sense of malice was sort of hovering and I know for a fact, if I had been coming down those stairs right then, I would have fallen and broken my leg. 

Early coworker confirmed that she thought the place was haunted like a motherfucker, and talked about the shadowy figure she has seen and the fact that any clients that were placed in one of the back bedrooms always went a little nuts, because there was something definitively wrong with that bedroom.

I went back the next night and had a ‘look, motherfucker’ conversation with Mr. Murder and told him that if he didn’t leave me alone, I would evict him and it would not be fun. I had no more problems there, really, but it shook me up because it was so tangible and so damn nasty.

--

When I was preparing for kanzo, a lot of unexpected things happened including me packing to leave my apartment the day before I left for Haiti. It sucked quite a bit, but it was definitely for a reason and I don’t regret it.

It was about 1AM the night before I was scheduled to leave, and I had spent the day bringing stuff over to a friend’s house since I was using their basement as free storage. I realized that I had not brought any of my clothes over to storage. Like, two giant garbage bags sitting in my room full of all the clothes I was not taking, and I nearly had a breakdown. I had sold my car that same day, and I had to get across the city with very little cash and two giant contractor bags full of clothes. I called a cab, and it never showed and so I sat on the curb outside my apartment trying not to cry, and I called an Uber. 

Happily, the Uber came. A cute little silver car pulled up, and out jumped a Haitian man dressed in jeans and a blue plaid shirt. He grabbed my two giant bags like they were nothing, tossed them in the trunk, and away we went. We chitchatted and I told him I was going to Haiti the next day, and he was SO EXCITED, particularly when I told him I was going to Jacmel...because that’s where he was from! He kept saying over and over, ‘oh, you are going to have a great trip..it will be just what you need!’. 

When we got to my destination, he grabbed these two giant heavy bags of clothes and basically levitated them up the stairs to the front door of the house I was dropping them off at. Big grin and superhuman strength, and I knew Kouzen (who comes from Jacmel and wears denim and blue and plaid) had come to rescue me. 

That’s what I’ve got!

[linoholic]

Poly!Jaepil

Requested: @skylions-den asked: I saw that you write for Day6! Hehe I didn’t know, may I have poly Jae and Wonpil?

Pairing: Day6 Jae x Wonpil x Reader

Genre: poly!au

Warnings: I mean, it has Wonpil so major fluff warnings (though not as bad as a Dopil fic would be)

So I has almost finished this when I accidentally deleted it instead of posting it last night because it was like 3am and I was dead. And so I had to rewrite it, hence why it is pretty short and not all that great. But I hope you enjoy my dear, since you have been supporting me so well ^^

I was going to make this a college

Until I realised that literally everything would be the same except for the fact that, ya know, they were in college

Anyway

So!

You have been friends with Amber for a while, being one of many in her friendship circle

You got to know her when you moved to LA

You had bumped into her in a store while she was filming a blog, not knowing who she was or anything

She was making a joke to the camera, and you, being the outgoing and self proclaimed funny person you are, decided to turn around and answer back with a joke of your own

Which was successful in making Amber burst out laughing, immediately introducing herself

You were fast friends, with you often showing up in her videos considering both her and her subscribers loved your sense of humour

You even got blessed with the nickname ‘Chickpea’ - the subject of that first joke

As a result, you quickly got blessed with the chance of getting to know her other friends, famous or not

About a week or so after you met her, she made you react to f(x) music videos

The world thanks God that she got your reaction to finding out she is a part of one of the most loved female kpop groups (this was your descent into the madness that is kpop)

But alas, this isn’t an Amber scenario despite my deep love for her

Amongst all her friends, one of the ones you immediately clicked with was a certain person who went by Jae

You met a few years after you first met Amber

You had moved to Seoul at this point

You had worked basically running a pretty big companies social media for a few years, and after being encouraged by Amber, had applied for similar positions at a few companies in Korea

And you had fallen in love with the idea of living there after hearing stories about the food and the people and the culture from Amber, and had decided that you needed a change from LA and it’s constant sun, a place with four seasons perhaps

So after a crash course in Korean and an acceptance letter from a company, you got a work visa, a plane ticket and long term hotel room booked and off you went, with promises to visit all your friends in California

Sadly, Amber couldn’t be with you, still having stuff to do in the US, and so you had to settle in alone, not that you had much to do yet since you were living out of a hotel room while you found an apartment

But she didn’t leave you completely alone

She had told Jae of your arrival and asked if he would check up on you for her, to make sure you weren’t lying about settling in well

Turns out he didn’t have to go far to find you

Just down the hallway of his workplace actually

Because yes, you had managed to snag a job at JYP entertainment

Despite picking up the language pretty quickly, you still defaulted to English at first, having to remember to switch to Korean for most conversations

So imagine your surprise when you bumped into someone and they answered back in English when you said “Oh, sorry!”

Looking up from the papers that had you distracted, you see a pretty tall, bespectacled guy standing in front of you

And of course, in a country full of people speaking one language, your going to be drawn to someone that speaks your own language, in an accent you recognise no less

So you shift the papers under one arm, holding your other hand out for a handshake

“Hi, I’m y/n, a new employee here,” you say, smiling widely

Taking your hand, Jae replies with, “Nice to meet you, I’m Jae - wait, Amber’s y/n?”

“…I guess so? You know Amber? Wait, Jae as in Day6 and JaeSix? How the fuck did I not recognise you?”

“Yep. That’s me. I guess I’m pretty famous then”

“Nah, not you, just your resemblance to a certain character”

“I’d you say the name I will tell Amber that I found you crying your eyes out in some random back alley and you’ll have to put up with her mothering you”

“…Chicken Little…” is all you say before zooming out of there with the Sonic music running through your head

That isn’t the last time you see Jae

You see him pretty often in fact, considering you work in the same building

And with your similar senses of humour, it doesn’t take long for you to consider him a friend, and him you

Phone numbers are exchanged quickly, memes are sent, you roast him and he roasts you

You even end up cameoing in a JaeSix video, which excited the viewers who knew you from What the Pineapple

And he was kind enough to help you out with your Korean, after teasing you when you said something completely wrong in a certain context

It’s a sweet(?) friendship

And with Jae comes the rest of Day6 behind him

While Jae remains your best friend out of the group, you become close with the others as well

They all come to love you and your high Jae tolerance

One person in particular takes a special liking toward you

When Jae first introduced you to the band, Wonpil thought you were cute

Scratch that, he found you straight up gorgeous

And when you talked more, it was obvious he had started crushing on you

Whenever you came round with Jae, his ears would turn red and he would turn especially shy, you all know how I mean

The rest of Day6 knew of this crush, and of course they all teased him about it

Usually they spared him and did it alone, but sometimes they teased him in front of you, not that you ever really caught on

Jae was the main perpetrator at first, doing the whole “you like my friend” sort of thing

But as time went on, and Wonpils feelings got more serious than a simple highschool crush, Jae started getting confused

All he knew was that he loved when you smiled at him, and hated when you smiled the same big smile at Wonpil, or cooed over how cute the younger boy was, or praised his singing and talent on a piano

What made him confused, was that on one hand, he wanted you to praise him instead, call him funny and handsome and all that jazz

And on the other hand, he felt a little protective of Wonpil

There was one time he thought “But that’s my Wonpil”, which ended up with him standing in the shower having an existential crisis

He ended up ranting to Brian about it all, who just said, “Bro, you like them both. Ask them out.”

And then Brian decided to be a snake, and go to you and tell you everything

Jaes feelings, Wonpils feelings, your feelings that he had been figuring out and gossiping about with Sungjin

Because he knew Jae would avoid asking anyone out, especially if it meant losing his “I hate Wonpil” image, and instead just sulk around

And there is no way Wonpil would have the balls to do so, at least according to Brian

After talking to you, you had an epiphany

You had always lowkey had feelings for Jae, but you had written them off as the fact that he was your first friend in Korea

And how could someone not love Wonpil?

You knew you should probably confess to them, and so you did

You were thinking of doing something a little extra, like singing one of their songs to them or something, but decided that you’d rather not die of embarrassment when Jae inevitably teases you over it

So you simply took them both out to a barbeque place before randomly confessing to them in the middle of eating

To put it simply, you created two wraps and fed them to the two boys while saying “for you because I fancy you, and for you because I fancy you too!”

And then you sat there as what you said sunk in, and their eyes widened as they both struggled to swallow the food in a hurry

(to this day Jae makes fun of you for almost killing your boyfriends before they even became you boyfriends)

It was completely spontaneous and really caught them off guard

Somehow both surprisingly and unsurprisingly, Wonpil was the one to speak first, confessing his own feelings with a red face and small voice

Leaving Jae sitting more flustered than you had ever seen in his life

(You lowkey wish you had a camera to capture the sight)

After a bit of poking and prodding he came out with an “You two are alright I guess”

Which is basically Jae talk for “I am hopelessly in love with the both of you”, something you and Wonpil know

And so that meal the rest of the night is officially your first date

It’s a bit awkward at first, the transitioning into a romantic relationship

But pretty soon you all settle into your new roles as significant others as things are talked through and you all get used to different boundaries and such

At first you all keep it quiet, unsure of how it would affect the band and everything

But when the Wonpil starts sneaking into Jaes bed more than others at nights in the dorm; when Jae starts teasing Wonpil and you the tiniest bit less; when you start showing up at band practice and pay more attention to the two than them, they start catching on that something may have happened

They once confronted you all about it, to which the two boys vehemently denied it while you sat in the background snorting at their antics, sipping apple juice and watching Dowoon play WoW on his laptop (cuz he already knows thanks to Wonpil gushing to him as soon as he got back from your first date, and he would prefer to stay out of that mess thank you very much)

Young K and Sungjin were proven right when you started getting hungry and called out “Babe!” and both Jae and Wonpil turn to face asking “Yes?” only to immediately face Sungjin and Young K with fear in their eyes who both have their arms crossed with a 'we knew it’s look on their faces

Though, the two of them regret exposing the relationship when the three of you start showing affection in front of them

Although, they are glad that it means they are now lower on the list of people Wonpil is affectionate with, especially Sungjin

Because you better believe that Wonpil is always clinging onto you or Jae if either of you are within 100m of him

As much as Jae pretends to hate it, you often come home to find the two snuggled on your couch after a long day spent in the recording studio or at concerts, Wonpil lying happily in Jae’s arms as the elder runs his hand through his hair

Or you see Jae leaning down to press a kiss to Wonpils forehead when the younger is stressing out about things

And it warms your heart because there is nothing you love more than seeing your boyfriends in love

You can be sure that as soon as they notice you Wonpil is dragging you over and soon it is just a mess of limbs and hair colours

Unknown to you and Wonpil, Jae secretly goes to the big man JYP himself asking for permission on the relationship and such because he does want to show the two of you off

And when he gets the go ahead to reveal the relationship

You can bet that he is vlogging dates and such for JaeSix, which is how he reveals he is dating you and Wonpil

And my god do the MyDays celebrate

The amount of tweets Jae gets sent his way saying stuff like “I knew JaePil was real’ and 'I did ship y/n and Amber but you cute I guess’ (yes that was from Amber herself)

You often end up scolding Jae because he uses the fact that he is in a relationship to tease all his single friends

And even his not so single friends

"You only have one significant other while I have two (2) whole people who love me unconditionally…not counting all my fans of course I love you MyDays”

Sometimes people do question the relationship

And not over the fact that it’s a polyamorous relationship, but because sometimes it seems like your relationship hasn’t changed from your friendship at all

Because Jae still teases and makes fun of you both, Wonpil has always been a clingy, cuddly baby and things like that

But it’s mainly because you are all super comfortable with each other and hyper aware of how each other feels about various things 

For example, you and Wonpil know Jae isn’t too big on PDA and so you and Wonpil make sure that he is comfortable with anything you do, asking before you so much as hold his hand

Though in private you and Wonpil will most definitely just glomp him at random whether he likes it or not, usually as revenge for him eating your leftovers or for calling Wonpil a snake the hundredth time that day

Now, our boys are musicians, and so you better get ready for songs dedicated to you if you ever go to their concerts, which is often because you want to support your boyfriends in their career (though you also go cuz their concerts are lit and MyDays know how to get lit)

And some songs may even get written about you

*Cue Young K in the background whining about how the songs are getting sappy and not heartbreaking like usual*

If you don’t already know how to, be prepared to learn how to play the guitar and piano

Because there is no way Jae is giving up the chance to be greasy and cliche and do the whole 'sit behind you guiding you hands’ thing

Not much gets done during these sessions as Jae ends up being easily distracted by your closeness

I’m not saying makeout sessions but that’s exactly what I’m saying

And when Wonpil tries teaching to use the keyboard, not much gets done either

Mainly because you just love watching him all concentrated, his pretty fingers dancing over the keys and so you pout to convince to play you “just one more song”

If you’re lucky he’ll sing as well, blessing you with his vocals

Though he often ends up a blushing mess because you sit beside him staring intently at him with total hearts in your eyes (as Jae gags in the background acting as if he isn’t also enamoured by Wonpils voice)

Wonpil is always raiding yours and Jaes closets for any clothes he can wear, which you can’t complain about because you do the exact same thing

Jae on the other hand likes to complain whenever he sees one of you wearing his clothes, though secretly he absolutely loves it, he just wants to keep up his cool image

And both of them are constantly bringing up the Pink Sweater™ debate, trying to bring you to their side

Jae takes it personal when he goes to your apartment one day to find you chilling in said sweater; he acts all offended and refuses any and all affection til you and Wonpil bribe him by taking him out to dinner

There is a group chat the three of you have which is a complete mess

It’s filled with Jae’s memes, Wonpil selfies and exclamations of love and you worrying over whether they are eating and sleeping enough

Especially when the two are away on tour and you can’t go with them

Though on those occasions you’ll often get voice notes from them, alone or together, of them singing for you

Because they know how much you love their voices as you often get them to sing you to sleep whenever they spend nights with you

Well, to be honest, you get them to sing as much as possible because why wouldn’t you?

Basically, your relationship is as much fun as it is soft, and you are most definitely not starved of memes of cuddles

[seungmin-jpeg]

Stray Kids On Tumblr / Felix

Chan // Woojin // Minho // Changbin // Hyunjin // Jisung // Felix // Seungmin // Jeongin

I have waited a long time to write this one 

Half the reason i started this series was to write for him tbh

Anyways

Started his blog long before he became a trainee 

But A LOT of effort into it

Spent hours looking for the perfect desktop theme

Then spent a day working on it to make it have is own little ‘felix flare’ 

And then spent hoooooours working on his mobile header

Naturally very proud of his blog

Works really hard to make good posts

Majority is just memes 

Or recreations of memes

Reblogs a lot of old vines

He’s the type of blog to get all those weird random asks from people

And he always has witty comebacks

So sometimes his posts will blow up

He just has that typical tumblr humor 

And it really made his blog blow up

Ends up having one famous post with like 100k reblogs and is still growing and he still thinks its the dumbest posts he’s made his whole life

But thats tumblr for you

Sometimes he’d be working on a big post 

And then tumblr would do that dumb thing 

Where it freezes on you and you cant post things

The amounts of times his family heard him yelling from up in his room as tumblr crashed on him yet again

anyways

Honestly wasn’t super aware of kpop 

But like 

Of course he knew about it

And then he made it through the audition 

And he was like oh hey

I kinda gotta figure out whats going on here

So he 

Like the smart person he is

Searches through the tumblr tag

And oh yikes

The majority of the tag was bts and got7

And he was like 

Sweet

And then staff at the company told him watching kdramas will always help him learn korean

So 

Because of this extreme change in his life 

And the need to learn the language as fast as possible

He searches for some good kdramas to watch

So again he turns to tumblr

And he finds some good recommendations 

But he cant reblog it to his main blog 

Because ??? he cant expose himself like this to all he’s meme followers

So he real quick makes a side blog for all his kpop/kdrama needs

And reblogs a few kdrama recommendations 

And a few kpop song recommendations as well

But he’s only find rec’s for all those old classic kdramas 

Like playful kiss and boys over flowers 

Not really his speed yah know

So thats when he stumbles across your blog 

He had just found one of your posts about kdramas 

And he real quick messages you on anon and was like hey have any recs

And you were like YES!!!1!!1!

So you gave him a good list

Grouping them by themes and such 

And then highlighted some of your favorites 

He ended up being drawn to one title 

“Uncontrollably fond” 

And you had mentioned that it was really sad

So he googled it to try and see what it was about

And when you google it one of the first things it says about the drama is 

“A man and woman meet again after they broke up in the past.”

So he was like alright that one it is

Catch him later trying to find out who wrote that description because there was so much more to that drama

He literally could not put it down

Lowkey forgot half way through he was supposed to be trying to learn korean

Watched an episode every night before bed

Because yah know he was packing and stuff

Part of it helped with the stress of leaving his home and such

The other part was just because it was super addicting to watch

Of course he had to take a small break of watching it just because life got to hectic with packing and everything

But he had an overlay on the way to korea

So he watched the drama at the airport

Catch this teenage boy trying not to cry in the airport omg

As he sat in the airport he was like

I gotta talk to someone about this

So he searched up your blog again and left an ask

And because you’re always on tumblr you got it right away. 

“Im sitting in the airport on the verge of tears because of uncontrollably fond why’d you recommend this to me” 

You chuckled to yourself as you read his ask

“I told you it’d be sad!” you finally decided to answer

You had totally forgotten about the person who had asked for recs

It was nice to see them again

The two of you talked back and forth for a bit

And then you got a message 

“I got tired of leaving asks so i’m just going to message you now. A lot easier.” 

You asked him when his flight was, and how much of the show you had left

And he was like 

Not enough time 

He was to invested now

You recommended maybe waiting to watch the last few episodes until he was alone and had a box of tissues

Earning a laugh from him

Like the curious person you are

You asked him where he was going 

And he just kinda said korea and then asked about the soundtrack to the drama

So you didn’t push anymore

Because it seemed like something he didn’t really want to talk about 

So inteast you talked about the soundtrack

Found out he really really liked the song “a little braver”

So you listened to the song while you talked with him

While you waited for him to get back to you

You scrolled through his blog

It was kinda sad looking and had the default theme 

And he had a random mix of kpop and kdrama recs

So you asked him if he was new to the whole kpop/kdrama world

And he was like “kinda” 

Cue you saying if he ever wanted any recs on anything to ask you because you got him

And he just chuckled and said he had to catch his flight, but he’d remember that

And that he’d message you as soon as he finished the drama

Later in the week you got a message from some random meme blog

About uncontrollably fond 

And you were like wtf

Why is this popular weird meme blog messaging me about a kdrama

So you were like um who???

And he was like shoot wrong blog!!

Then switched to his kpop blog

You laughed to yourself thinking about how yet another person had been converted to the dark side

Little did you know

He was PART OF the dark side

You followed his main blog too

Because why not

And the two of you talked a lot 

You found out what a big jokester he was

And just how funny he could be

But that he was also super emotional and wore his feelings on his sleeve

The two of you went from talking about kdramas and random kpop things to little parts of your day

He’d complain to you about learning korean and the language barrier issues he’d always run into

And how tired he was at the end of the day

And you’d tell him about school

And the little things about your country you felt like he would like hearing about 

The two of you never even exchanged names

Just referred to each other as your urls 

Months past

He wasn’t on tumblr as much 

Even his main blog started to stop posting 

Which he always at least had queued up stuff

You’d leave him little encouraging messages every now and then

But he’d always take forever to respond

Instead 

You occupied yourself with the new show jyp was putting out 

Becoming way to invested for your own good 

And getting especially drawn to a certain member named felix

Something felt familiar about him

And you felt really drawn to him

But you just assumed it was because of his personality 

And the fact that he could speak english 

Then the dreaded day came 

Felix was eliminated 

And you felt like the world had swallowed all your joy

You decided to message your kdrama friend 

Just a simple hey

And he actually responded to your disbelief 

He seemed just as down as you 

So you two just ended up being sad together 

And then you were like 

Isn’t it like 3am there?

He was like yah

You were like ??? go to bed ???

He said he couldn’t fall asleep so you suggested watching a movie

So the two of you headed over to rabb.it

Ended up watching Your Name 

Half way through the movie he ended up asking you why you were so upset

So you told him that your favorite person from a survival show had been eliminated 

And you could see he wasn’t typing anything after you had sent the message off

So you asked him why he was upset

You watched him type something 

Then delete it 

Type it up again 

Then delete it again

It went on for a bit before you little ‘pop’ sounded and his message came in

“I got eliminated off a survival show” it read

And you were ??? 

Do you take this seriously or not ???

So you just kinda said “are you okay”

And he was like maybe

So you asked how he was maybe okay

He replied by saying that it was nice to have someone to talk to who wasn’t in the show itself but also wasn’t family

Youre super confused now because this is felix you’ve been talking too???

When you actually sat back and thought about it 

The timeline all made sense

It would make sense if this was actually felix

The movie now long forgotten played on as you asked him if he was really felix 

And he responded with a funny little smilie face

“I am but you really can’t tell anyone” 

“Felix aren’t you supposed to not be doing this? I thought they took away phones and stuff tho??” 

He explained everything and it all made sense but you were still shook to the core because youre talking with the felix lee right now

But you took the chance to tell him everything every fan wanted to tell him at that moment

You told him how proud you and everyone else was of him

And how people were already working on making sure both him and minho ended up back in stray kids

And by the way he talked you could tell he was happier 

Not much later you were excitedly congratulating him on making it back in

And everything was perfect 

Because the weird person asking you about kdramas

Months and months later ended up being the person you loved the most 

Without even knowing it

The two of you had a special secret friendship that no one knew about

And no one would know about for a long long time

And you were honestly okay with that

[curiousview-blog]

In praise of blow outs

The ninth post from ‘How to stop drinking: A guide for normal people’. A series in which I am sharing my reflections on living, and staying sober, in a fun, honest, down-to-earth way to show that an alcohol-free life is possible. Previous chapters can be found below on www.samwarren.net

I loved being drunk. I loved the frisson as the first mouthfuls melted my veins, the buzz, the shimmer, the silky slide out of myself and into oblivion. I didn’t care that I would probably end up crying, start a fight, or be sick with migraine the next day. I didn’t care that I was hurting and lying to the people I loved, and slowly killing myself. I loved being drunk. And I loved that release – the feeling that you’ve stepped outside yourself and just popped up the road for a while. A few precious hours off from the world with no cares or responsibilities. Just because you’ve binned the booze doesn't mean the urge to get wasted will dissolve with it, and the sooner you make peace with this, the sooner you’ll feel free.

For me, accepting I have a switch marked ‘FUCK IT’ that still needs to be flicked is my way of making sure I never pick up a drink again, along with all the other strategies I’m sharing in these posts. But it is also one that I don’t read about in recovery manuals or self-help forums. It’s somehow taboo even among recovering booze-hounds. But having a need for buzz and excitement and blow-outs does not make you weak and it’s nothing to be afraid of. Own that shit! Enjoy it! It’s part of you and it’s probably why you were seduced by alcohol in the first place. Alcoholics spend all their lives drunk, or thinking about drink. For me, there was never a day when alcohol wasn’t involved somehow, and I’ve said before, even thinking about not drinking meant booze was King. You stopped drinking because of this, and you are amazing. BUT. Ignore that jaunty little devil with “Blow Out’ on her t-shirt at your peril. I don't care what you do, but whatever it is, feed that little critter or your life will be miserable and resemble that of a reluctant monk – either that, or you’ll crawl back to the drink. It’s as simple as that.

One of my vices is caffeine. A big rich jug of coffee at 6am in the morning is what’s fuelling this writing right now. And a mug at a party in the evening is what I need to keep me awake and feeling sociable until the wee small hours if that's what I want to do. (I have even been known to neck a couple of Sudafed at 3am in a club for an energy boost as I am frankly a bit grubby at times). At the moment I also do HIIT training after work – 20 minute workouts of high intensity intervals which are quick and effective buzz generators. I have also been known to eat entire boxes of chocolate eclairs to get a similar effect but this is clearly not sustainable if you want to fit into your clothes after a couple of weeks.

Take up long distance running, bungee jump, join a climbing club, learn to tango, I don’t care what it is, just make sure it gives you a thrill, sets your adrenaline and serotonin/ dopamine flooding, and replaces the RUSSSSHHH. You could even try meditation - ok, so that's more of a ‘blow in’ but I hear it’s pretty cool. I even have a friend who takes recreational drugs from time to time. People don’t understand this at all. How can you refuse alcohol, but pop ecstasy or acid in a field at a festival? But it does make sense to me… because they’re not doing it every day. Unlike alcohol which is a constant, daily necessity of life for an alcoholic, they’re not even doing it every week, or even every month. It’s their guilty pleasure, their blow out. And it leaves them free and rejuvenated to enjoy a calm and happy sober life for the other 355 odd days a year.

A lot of substance misuse counsellors would disagree with what I am saying here – call me irresponsible even – because there will always be the possibility that one day you’ll pick up a drink instead of your running shoes if you’re having a shitty time. But that’s always going to be the case. And I argue that ignoring the need to blow out can actually make that more likely to happen. I think it’s an unreasonable ask of ourselves that as well as kicking the booze (with which we are deeply and destructively in love), we also have to control our urge to blow-out too. And frankly I don't want to. I have not had an alcoholic drink since 6th March 2011. I am no longer in that abusive relationship. I have a clear head every day, my teeth are no longer stained with Merlot and I don’t live with constant heartburn. I’m in tune with my moods – more about that in a later post - and am loving being able to drive for days out in the country. I have relished discovering all sorts of places a short drive from my home town – places I had no idea existed because there was no way I’d waste a perfectly good drinking day by having to drive the car! And that's enough for me. The blow outs stay. Now, someone please pass me the eclairs…

[hyercns-blog]

( the cuteST )

a bitch is Tired rn after pulling my usual shit, aka staying up until 5am for no reason only to stick out a two hour lab, cry while doing my connections page on my late lunch/packing break and napping in the car, so excuse the seeming lack of enthusiasm lkfdsjglk. hey i’m kat, i’m 20, canadian, and my current means of life rn are chocolate, drag race ( i.. am team anyone but b*b* rn, no offence but my girl needs to come back to earth and stop rubbing me the wrong way sdfgkjgfd ( i think sh*ngela deserves it most despite being more of a tr*xie stan tho js ) ) and 3am you in me listening parties with myself four months after its release rip !! i’m a uni student and in love with sowoo so you don’t wanna know the agony that comes with picking one over the other. you can hmu on d*scord if you’d like ( just find me in the gc and message me from there fkskf ) and this is so boRING, it’s like the life is sucked out of me omg. anyways hyeran, a whole.. other positive muse bc jesus, how many of these do i have rn ?? this is so out of hand man, but nonetheless here’s a bit abt the brat:

- ̗̀ wait, wait, was that JEON SOMIN i just saw? damn, it was actually just that TWENTY TWO year old MUSIC PRODUCER/BARISTA, YUN HYERAN. speaking of them, did you hear that they’re known as THE VIRTUOSO around gangnam? i guess it makes sense considering they act so EBULLIENT & LOYAL but at the same time so MAGNANIMOUS & DIFFIDENT. they’re also apparently a PANSEXUAL FEMALE OUTSIDER who uses SHE/HER pronouns. ( kat / 20 / gmt-3:30 / she/her )

yun hyeran, a daegu native with an older and younger brother, an ambivert and an all around baby

tbh this is a copied intro from a few months back and i don’t have the time to perfectly incorporate her recently developed bg, so pls anticipate a small bio with that explained HERE

buT she became involved in music through her father, who studied it in uni and ended up becoming a music instructor with a focus on piano, flute and vocals

her and her mom.. also her older brother, didn’t have the best relationship when she grew older, which seemed to die altogether when her parents divorced and her mom left. but her and her brother’s still exists, it’s just that he’s a bit of a toxic influence on her and she tends to distance herself from him

went to uni in seoul to pursue music like her father ( a daddy’s girl too like ) and found her way into the world of production !! by junior year, she’d transferred out of her original program and majored in that instead and has loved it ever since; she recently graduated

moved to gangnam bc.. idk, she just wanted to KDFJSGLGKFD

impulsive brat

would visit jeju island when she was younger bc her aunt lived there

she adores said aunt, her dad’s sister and the maternal figure she Deserves, so overall jeju holds a special place in her heart

for the time being, she works full-time as a barista at the café just a block from her cute little studio apartment while looking into internships at record labels for her to take on a little further down the line ( no rush bc it’s already quite competitive and she’d rather enjoy what she has going now )

she’s also making something of an income as the creator of an acct on youtube and soundcloud for her music, something she’s had for abt two years now

she’s not even close to making it big yet, and she doesn’t mind if she never works for a moderately to highly popular label — though she should if she wants to get by

among the aesthetic, lo-fi music crowd ( one of those yt accts with a livestream for certain playlists that go on for hours, rip ) where for the most part, it’s personal faves mixed with her own works, and has a substantial following as of now. but has an interest in experimenting, with mashups ( as a lover of them ?? i couldn’t help myself sgflkdsjg ) for example, with a small fear of how that change would be received

this is so short now that i’ve shortened it immensely iK, it’s a little infuriating if you ask me ljkgdfjls

in terms of her personality and other things:

she’s a very loyal person, v e r y. while like i said ( and will elaborate on in her bio ), her relationship with her brother is Not Great, she hasn’t completely given up on him. maybe for the time being, but her being someone who’s open to the idea of people changing for the better somewhere down the line, leaves a bit of room for her to possibly change her mind if he does enough to allow her to consider it

so she can be a bit of a doormat in some cases, it all depends on how she sees the person that determines if that’s the case, but she generally won’t let you off if you’re being dumb/an ass to someone or if she gets advantageous vibes from you for example ( given she can.. be a little naive and is a p gentle soul ) so.. idk fgklsj good luck to the 99% ig ??

she does have a slight dependency on others despite her thinking all signs point to the opposite, and even though her and her mom never rly had a good relationship she still reels from the neglect/abandonment some days so handle her with Care if she deems you a close pal

spontaneous tbh, moving to gangnam was a little last minute on her part, for one

she’s a bit reclusive when focused on something, if she tells you she’s working on a track, it’s essentially a head’s up that you might not see her for a couple of days depending on how soon she gets it done — lowkey that bitch™ who makes up an illness to her boss, so she wouldn’t even show up for work if it’s more than just her fucking around

bc admittedly, a lot of what she posts is fucking around and liking it, her more thought-out and effort packed projects are hidden away on her laptop

a bit insecure with her work and just her general disposition ?? those first few points above mess with her a lot and leave her disheartened so.. my poor child

v strong overall, takes people’s shit and if it gets to her, she gets over it p fast. doesn’t dwell on much and will be courteous to you even if she’s declared you too toxic to stick around 24/7

isn’t exactly one to get angry ?? she’s basically just disappointed or annoyed at best 99% of the time, it takes a lot to get her beyond that

positive, ugh. maybe not sickeningly sweet, but still. kinda explained parts of it above and i’m 95% gone mentally rn, gotta spare that for other little details gsjklf

a cute bean who wants the best for everyone

uhhh

has a good understanding of english, her mom’s an american national so she grew up with it being spoken in the house at times

prob speaks it better than i speak french, but still wouldn’t consider herself fluent

plays piano and bass guitar, but knows her way around a flute and tenor sax ( you don’t know how tempted i was to say clarinet bc of jiwoo gjflkgds )

prob had some kind of little amateur rock band with a few music majors and took up bass for the hell of it lmao

loves animals, leans towards cats or big dogs. corgis and those little spaniels get a pass tho

speaking of, she has a cute little calico kitten ( i’m shit with pet names so if lucy sounds lacklustre.. you know why rgkjls ) who she Loves, her baby !!

sweater, ball cap and basic t shirt junkie

those glasses somin’s been wearing a lot of lately ?? hyeran wears them too but.. actually needs them, not even close to a fashion statement

doesn’t don much makeup unless someone’s dragging her to a party or something

thaT’S when she looks a little more like a classy early twenties bitch.. which lbr, is hard enough when adulthood is a whole Train Wreck for the most part LGFJSDL

not a heavy drinker, but the textbook definition of a lightweight so.. she’s always praying for anyone who has to deal with her dgfjklsfg

lattes are her livelihood

a bit of a hopeless romantic, just a bit, but god help her nonetheless

her favourite subject in school was literature/writing and reads quite a bit on her breaks at the café

favourite music genres.. it’s easier to say what she doesn’t like/finds boring, which is prob country and some aspects of edm/pop, not into punk/metal either

these are super basic but.. i’ve gotta get myself together for the day so this’ll do for now i hope ??

so if you’d like to plot, im me here or on d*scord ! i prefer the latter personally, but whichever’s easiest for you. i have a list of a few of the specific wcs i have in mind ( for the time being, catch my lazy ass avoid listing all the basic ones and revising a few i have on an old blog ) for hyeran up now, which you can find here, so just lmk if any of them appeal to you !!

[thejosh1980]

Travel Update #19 - Quarantine Day 11

Originally Posted on Friday 18th September 2020

Well I woke up today early yet again…. I think I was awake before 3am, I definitely was out of bed by 3:30.

I feel pretty down again too…

I had a bit of a breakdown the other night. The stress, tiredness and missing a special someone from Germany got to me. I know I’m not Superman but (unfortunately) I expect myself to have super human strength in these trying times...

These moments of despair are happening more often than in the past. I just don’t realise how stressful it all is until it overwhelms me. I have to remind myself, to remind myself, that we did move (half way around the world) in a pandemic situation, with delayed flights, too many goodbyes (and so far not one hello) and quarantine go through.

It's been 6 months of constant worries... No wonder I'm loosin' it!!

I make sure that I have a lot to do here, I tend to deal with any of my issues by keeping busy. I don’t ignore them as much as I find time helps, and the best way for me to pass the time, is to keep busy. But usually one needs motivation to keep busy, and that is lacking… I have to really force myself to focus on things… To be honest my “to do” list is long, and I am overwhelmed by it…

I know, I am my worst enemy… I'm working on it...

The 4 walls do creep in on you. My world has gotten so small, I am starting to worry about the outside world! Will I be able to just go shopping without anxiety attack?? What is “normal” life like these days? Has it changed a lot since they locked me in here? Questions to be answered in the future…

I am thankful for the phone calls and messages I receive each day. So much love and support, it really goes a long way to putting a smile on my face. Thank you.

Now, to change the subject, lets go back a few days…

Tuesday both breakfast and dinner were late!!! Shock!! Horror! … It’s those little things that matter the most these days… Alexanne was howlin’ for her dinner! She was Hangry!!! Usually our delivery comes later rather than early, but if we expect it latest 19:30, then 19:31 is not good enough! At least it made us laugh… Honestly the meals have been very good and varied… A little “heavy” but I'm sure we'll loose the quarantine weight once we get out of here and can finally spend some time on the beach ;)

We got fresh sheets and towels!!!

I chose to have a bit of a lazy Wednesday… After receiving a bunch of phone calls (walking for hours in the bathroom as to not wake Alex), I took my first nap during the day since being in here… It felt like a bit of a Sunday. Relaxed… TV… some reading… But that was the night the anxiety and stress got the better of me… Maybe because I wasn’t tired enough to just fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow… My mind was racing… The day started good, but it didn’t end well…

It could have been the health check phone call or the daily police visit that messed me up… I mean, they call and you have to wake up… they knock and you have to wake up… Pretty unfair when you’re napping…!!! But in the end, they’re just doing their job… Ever since the “runner” the other week, the police come round to check your name off a list… Maybe it’s a government requirement… I do know the daily health phone calls by the nurses are a requirement, in an attempt to preempt any health issues… Yesterday I was offered sleeping tablets, but I can barely bring myself to take ibuprofen let alone sleeping pills…!!

Thursday, after the mess from the night before, I attacked the morning with focus and positivity. I peeled and ate a mandarin!! Shock!! Horror!!!

Like usual, I woke early, and I walked on the balcony most of the morning while listening to a live stream (Slapsteam). It was really cool to spend so much time outside. During the morning, I could see lots of folks down below leaving with their families or in taxi’s… I was a bit jealous, but we are over the hump… Not long to go now… Like usual, I took a few phone calls too…

Between the balcony, bathroom and the phone calls, I managed to walk 13 kilometres or 20,000 steps!!

The news that the Aussie caps would be lifted came in today. It’s a step in the right direction 4,000 to 6,000 per week, but it’s not enough… There’s still too little being done to support stranded Aussies and to get them home… So much in house fighting and State and Federal Government playing the blame game… It’s so hard to describe how this all feels, and unless you go through it, you really don’t know how you’d react or feel… But I can tell you, I’m very disappointed and saddened by my country turning it’s back on fellow Aussies…There’s still no long term plan… and COVID is going to be here for a long time…

I wrote to the local Labor Senator Penny Wong and Health Minister Stephan Wade in my attempt to get access to the park outside the hotel. 3/4 of the hotel rooms don’t have an opening window, and folks are suffering. Fresh air and direct sunlight are really important, especially in these times… I haven’t heard back…

Honestly the social media thing is wearing me down, and I am finding myself less and less online… Have you seen our stories on IG or FB?? I am posting less and less, because I just don’t want to log in and read another heartbreaking and disappointing story. Nor do I want to read comments from folks who’s opinion is very unsympathetic or understanding.

I did manage to focus enough on the Ukulele for an afternoon, figuring out a few songs I might be able to play if I go live on the weekend. I don’t feel very confident, it’s definitely not my strongest instrument… The other problem is the timing, to allow Europeans and Aussies to watch… My initial thoughts are Saturday morning German time/Saturday evening Aussie time… I’ll keep you posted…

We also got to vacuum the room on Thursday. I’ve never seen Alex so happy to have “Henry" in her hands! ;)

Qatar sent me a refund for the 30/09 flight we canceled (after boarding the Singapore flight)… At least that’s a little less financial worry we have…

Alright, so that brings us to this morning, 6:30am Friday morning… After my little cry this morning, I began writing, now the sun is starting to rise, and I hope that today will feel better than those last few down moments I’ve had recently…

Writing down my experiences here has been therapeutic for me… I usually write songs about what’s going on…. Story telling taking on a new form… Always good to try something new...

I appreciate your comments and messages… Thank you everyone…

Stay safe

Josh and @dauntlesscoffee

[nessackerman]

REQUEST! - MC with a tragic past x 707/Saeyoung

Hiiiiiiii there little beans!

So... okay, maybe it’s a little too long (?) But I wanted this request to be like a “mini one-shot” so I could explain the character as you wanted it to be. There’s no way I could write about an MC like that by writing an scenario...  Am I explaining myself? Dammit, sorry ;;

And one more thing before you read this... so, I think this is the first time I write such a long post in english, like I said it’s not my main language although I do write and talk in english almost every day (I’m studying English and Spanish language and literature at university) but it’s not that easy to me yet... So just that, if you find mistakes or any typo please tell me nicely and be patient with me, I’m trying my best ಥ_ಥ

This was a difficult request tbh, but you know what? I LOVE CHALLENGES! So, here you have! I really hope you enjoy reading this and please tell me if you like it and request and ask and askdfnsdf no im not nERVOUS YOU aRE ;; omfgfuck

~

The first thing Saeyoung did when you joined the RFA was do a background check, he didn't found much and that really surprised him, everyone has something, either is good or bad, but you? You were clean.

He found some profiles on different social media platforms but that was it, you didn't interact that much with people, no actualized information about family or friends, just a few photos and the list of where you had studied and worked within these years. The only interesting thing he found about you was something about adoption, he found out you became orphan when you were ten and then they adopted you and you spent the rest of your days in Korea. 

That made Saeyoung wonder... What kind of past might be hidding under the covers? You were always so shy and serious, at first he thought you were the poor version of Jumin, dammit, your politeness and your serious manners almost fooled him. But, for some reason, he started seeing something that the other members of the rfa didn't seem to notice, your serious attitude was just a façade to hide how damn broken you were inside. Maybe he knew something was wrong, maybe he knew you were wearing a mask because he was wearing his own mask to hide his own demons. Maybe that was why you could unterstand him better than anyone, and you were able to say what he needed to hear in the exact moment he needed to hear it.

He didn't know anything, he tried to search more than a couple of times something that could have led him to understand why you were like that, what had happened to you... he tried to pull the threads of the adoption issue but nothing came out, just names and dates, nothing relevant. It almost seemed like you were a ghost, a fantasy of his shattered mind to release some pain, to feel loved... 

You always tried to avoid talking about your past and he did too, it was something mutual but, when everything went bat shit crazy and Saeran appeared and you finally discovered Saeyoung's past... You felt kind of guilty, guilty for not being able to tell him about yours too, every damn time you tried but couldn’t tell him felt like a knife stabbing your chest. 

You felt that you owed him that much, the truth, the... the pieces to the puzzle you were, you wanted him to fully understand you, and for that to happen you needed to tell him the truth. Not telling him was betraying his confidence in you and you just couldn't afford losing him, not ever, not in a million years. He was the only thing you had, he made you feel loved for the first time in... well, too many years, and you couldn't risk that, just... you could never risk that much.  

So one day, after three months of dating, you gathered the courage to tell him the truth. You cried, it was the first time in years you opened to someone, so everything you had been hidding inside a box in your heart suddenly opened and floded your entire being; every memory, every word, all the lonely nights suddenly came to your eyes and your lips. You cried, and sobbed and hiccuped and you explained him all about you, what you remembered and what you knew from your adoptive parents, everything. 

You remember you had a poor family but you were happy and everyone was kind and loyal, you had such lovely, brave parents... But the fairy tail ended once the war started in your country, with such bad luck that your house was in the same district were the rebellious were hidding. 

It was days since you had eaten, the war had stopped the whole city on an hiatus and without a job your parents couldn't gain money and without money there was no food... so they sneaked out to try to get something to eat for you and that was the last time you saw them, they got killed in the middle of a gun fight.

The only memory you have after that it's about you, wandering through the streets, crying and calling your parents until someone picked you up and the nightmare begun. You were alone, the people who picked you up used to beat you up and used you as a slave until war paused and someone from the gobernment found about you and picked you up to south Korea. 

Your adoptive parents were good people, you needed time and therapy but you finally could start to love them and be kind and more open to them. They died in a car accident when you were twenty and you ended up alone once again, that was the moment you decided you wouldn't open to anyone again, you wouldn't love or care for anyone again, everyone that you loved ended up dead, that was the reason why it was so hard to get to open to Saeyoung, and you still were afraid to fully love him...

All the time while you were trying to explain yourself Saeyoung was hugging you, kissing your tears away, kissing your hair, your forehead, your hands, every scar you have... He tried to gave you strenght to continue and smiled tenderly every time you stopped to breath and wash your tears. 

He was finally able to pick up the pieces from the puzzle but he couldn't believe how bad, how traumatic your past was, how broken you might be inside, he couldn't even imagine how fucking hard that could have been for you. He cried too that night, he couldn't sleep in days thinking about your history. He tried to be the best person for you since that moment, the most lovely and tender and understanding, always there when you might crash down from memories suddenly floding you head, always there to hug you to sleep after every nightmare. Always there.

He understands you're not a prankster like him, he still do prank you anyways, he loves teasing you and see you laugh, he adores you. Oh, and that time you bought that "MEME GUIDE FOR DUMMIES" He felt something warming up in his soul, that was so cute... He laughed a bit tho, the moment had been pretty hilarious. Nonetheless, he will do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if that means watch romantic movies and take long walks or go buy you some ice cream at 3AM at that Mc Donalds drive thru at the other side of the town.

That's one of those nights, you had a nightmare and he couldn't sleep either so... It was something like this:

You were sweeting and moving to much in bed, he tried to cuddle you but then you started screaming and crying and he had to wake you up.

-Hey! MC...MC! MC are you okay? Please wake up babe, you're scaring me, wake up my angel... -He tries to wake you up with sweet words and tender touches.

When you finally wake up you're dead scared and still crying and sobbing. He sits in the bed with his back to the header, you're lying on your side in a fetal position, in between his legs and with your head on his chest (I don't know if it's clear, if not I'll search and post a photo of this posture). He's the sweetest and the most understanding boyfriend you could ever ask for. 

-Okay, it's okay little alien, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I'm here with you... -He sing-songs, like a lullaby, calming you down.

-They... they were... and you... -You try to speak but still the fear is more powerful than you.

-Shh babe, I'm here with you, listen to my heart, it will be alright alien -He says with a sweet voice, slowly running his fingers through your hair, giving you all the time you need to recover.

After a while you're relaxed and feeling almost at bliss, he's like a balm, his voice, his touches, his kind and lovely words... He's the best thing that has happened to you, the best thing ever.

-I love you, you don't know how much... don't ever leave me, please Saeyoung... -You say and then you re-position yourself to be able to kiss him.

And you do, slow and smooth, you try to express how you feel through the kiss but it's not long before you two start wanting more and run out of air, you move away from each other lips just to breath and clash again in a quite suffocated kiss, he cups your cheeks in his hands and you put yours in his shoulders so you don't lose balance and you sink your nails on his flesh, his response is almost immediate, he moans and brokes the kiss to grasp for air. 

-MC... You... I... I love you -He says and looks at you with tender eyes.

Sometimes you love teasing him, you're not a cheerful person, you're quite serious most of the time to be honest, but tonight you feel like teasing him a little now that you're feeling better -maybe it's your way of avoiding your thoughts tonight, who cares, if it works for you then it's okay- so you stand up from bed and look at Saeyoung, who's looking back at you with a mix of lust and confusion.

-I want ice cream, let's go to Mc Donalds's drive thru! -You say all of a sudden, and you obviously think it's not going to work, you think he's going to grab you by the waist to drag you back to him and kiss you again... but, oh, dear... you're quite surprised when he stands up too.

-Let's go then, nothing I wouldn't do for my little alien! -And he smiles and starts dressing, leaving you standing there, half naked and confused af.

So that's how you end up in a Mc Donalds's drive thru at 3 AM to buy a fucking McFlurry. That's how it is, one moment you're crying in the middle of a nightmare, then you're kissing him and an hour later you're buying ice cream. You're happy just like that, it may seem crazy... but you love that, you're in love with him, with his madness, with every inch of him, you're in love with the life you're living, even if it's hard as hell sometimes.

And one day you're going to marry him in the space station, that's for sure.

~

That’s it, have a nice day little beans  (っ◔◡◔)っ ❤

[datingadviceonreddit]

Two years ago last August, I met a guy via a dating app while I was living in my hometown. I fell for him, hard. We had very similar energies, and we seemed to be able to enjoy our lives both separately and together. Even my friends liked him.However, about three months after we met, he took a job near his parents, 8 hours away. I was working remotely for my job and was starting to feel more suffocated than nourished by my comfortable hometown life, so we talked about me following him after a few months, visiting each other until the timing felt right.On one of the first visits, I witnessed what I realize now should have been a HUGE red flag. Even after we “made up,” things weren’t quite back to normal. He treated me like the ugly stepsister that was staying in his apartment for the next few days. Everything I said seemed to grate him, and he would make little comments about how it was good to be “strong.” On my last night in town he apologized, naming every single thing he did that he could see had hurt me and we went to a nice dinner. I chalked it up to a “rough patch” from the transition.His visits to see me were basically amazing (maybe a few minor disagreements, but nothing like before), and my other visits to see him were much much better (we saw people and did fun things), so I decided to move (8.5 months after we met and 7 months after dating exclusively). I didn’t move in with him, instead I moved in with a male friend from high school who I had known for 10 years)Once I moved he became very critical and jealous, acting like he did on that visit. I again figured it was because of the transition. But I was feeling like he wasn’t respecting my boundaries. He would be nice for a while, and then a switch would flip and he would be telling me that I wanted to leave him for my roommate (ew, no.), and that I was either too eager to talk to other people or depressed. In these fights he would bring up addiction issues of people in my family and tell me I would “end up like them.” He would show up at my house uninvited and would get angry that I didn’t have time with him. Then, one morning, after getting back at 3am from a marathon work meeting in another city, I told him I didn’t want to have sex with him and he ignored me. I was crying and bleeding and he told me to “stop being depressed” and left for work. We usually walked into downtown together. I told him I wanted to meet for lunch to talk.I told him I thought we should break up. I got a huge apology from him, saying it was because of his new job and that I had been away so much and he would change, and we decided to try to stick it out. Then it became a cycle – I would get mad at something he said or did (to be fair, even his mom said he shouldn’t treat me this way), he would sort of apologize, but I would realize my life sucked with him around, and I would say we were breaking up, (three times I even boxed up his things), but then he would apologize (or tell me he was going to kill himself), usually by showing up at my house, and promise to change, and I would take him back.But it became clear last August, after a visit to his family’s home in Europe, that things would not work between us. I felt that he hated every aspect of me (he even said he didn’t like my non-existent accent), and I knew that I would not be able to forgive some of his behavior (like leaving me bleeding on my bed/pushing me during arguments) or live with the constant criticism.In early September, I was ready to cut it off for good, no matter his apologies. And, since he was talking about leaving me too, I felt that it had a different tone to our previous “break ups.” I didn’t talk to him for days, despite his pleas. After almost a week he sent an email, and I responded telling him we shouldn’t talk. And he sent me a few more. I ignored them. He then sent me one, desperate, saying he was thinking of killing himself (not the first time he had said this). I agreed to meet up and told him clearly I didn’t want to see or talk to him for, at a minimum, three months. I went on a trip for work, and he emailed me some very mean personal attacks. I eventually responded, rebutting some of his accusations and reiterating my desire to not see him.He was quiet for weeks. I saw him around town and would walk away without a word, but I got the feeling he was trying to see me. Then one day, I was going to go out to a bar to watch a debate, but I saw him biking, so I turned around and went home. I was frustrated, but I knew it was better than to risk seeing him. Later that night I woke to him knocking and yelling my name.He had done this once before in a previous fight, but not since the break up. I (stupidly) got up and talked to him. I wish I had called the police. We walked around, and I told him again that I wasn’t interested in dating him. That I thought he needed to go to therapy before he dated anyone, given his boundary-crossing tendencies and severe anxiety. He began stalking me more in earnest after this point, going to the pool where I swam in the morning, and eventually to the library where I did my work.I talked to him at the library and somehow, I allowed him to convince me to try dating again. He said he was going to therapy and had changed and reflected a lot on what he had done. We “dated,” much to the dismay of my friends, for about 3 weeks, and I was away for most of it. We had a huge fight over the phone while I was away and I decided we should slow things down significantly. He was incredibly jealous and fixated that I had kissed someone while we were broken up. On three occasions when he came into my room, he hurt himself, threw all of my things around, and threatened me and my friends. He again started showing up uninvited at my window in the middle of the night. I even had to call his mother (again, probably when I should have called the police) to get him to leave.Eventually, he agreed to leave me alone after Thanksgiving. I left the state for about a month and was still terrified to walk in my neighborhood for months afterwards. Eventually I moved past it, and I never saw him at all, not even at the grocery store. After about seven months after the last time we talked, I saw him walking with another girl three times in twenty-four hours. Thankfully, he never saw me. It was like watching a horror movie. It’s been a few months since then, and I moved to the other coast to start grad school. I’ve dated a few people since then, and I’m a lot more cautious about who I spend time with, and feel like I’ve largely moved past the situation.But with all this #metoo stuff, I’ve been thinking, do I reach out to her? I’m sure I could find her Facebook easily. I would write my name, my email address, and the fact that I had dated this guy and that she should feel free to reach out if she ever wants to talk. I don't want to include any accusations, but so she knows I'm here if she wants to talk. It would probably land in her “unknown message box,” but at least I would know I tried.I’m good friends with the guy’s current roommate, and she says they seem happy, and maybe she’s just better at handling him than I am, and that he deserves a chance to be different.I think (know) he and I seemed happy externally up until the end. I wish I had been able to talk to one of his exes during all this stuff, but what if my friend is right? Obviously, I wasn’t a saint in this situation either, not sticking to my word when I said we were breaking up, but he clearly has something wrong with him, that I doubt would have been fixed so quickly. Judging by things his family and some other people who know him have said to me during and since, his behavior wasn’t totally unexpected. What should I do? Do I reach out? Do I just leave it?tldr; I dated a guy for about a year and a half who was emotionally abusive and starting to become physically abusive. We had a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, but when we broke up for good, he stalked me, coming to my window at the middle of the night. With all the #metoo stuff in the air, do I contact his new GF on Facebook (I've moved across the country) to tell her she can reach out to me if she wants. via /r/dating_advice