#it's 1 AM and i gotta sleep but i promise to be more active and reblog stuff later ahshsh

[outer-stars]

hi frog tumblr, i come bearing a gift

and a lil close-up!

[mikerickson]

8/29/2024 - 9/6/2024

If I had a nickel for every time I took a vacation in a small European naval power that historically punched above its weight in global affairs I'd have two nickels, which... ah, you know the rest.

Just got back from a trip to the Netherlands and Belgium that was basically: Amsterdam -> Apeldoorn -> Utrecht -> Den Haag -> Brussels -> Ghent -> Amsterdam. I will now proceed to talk to myself about the highlights below the cut.

Still can't sleep on planes. I even took a sleeping pill and bought a fancy new neck pillow thing to help, but instead I was just exhausted and strangling myself. My dinner also didn't sit well with me, so every time I was about to fall asleep, my gag reflex would trigger and I felt like I was gonna throw up. Seven hours of this was not very relaxing.

Landed at ass o'clock in the morning local time and had 6 hours to kill before hotel check in. I've always read that spending time outdoors in natural sunlight helps regulate your circadian rhythm and can fight jet lag, so I took us to look at some windmills. This was kind of a blur and I'm not certain it made much of a difference because I did end up crashing and taking a nap in the afternoon anyway.

Acknowledging that I am biased about this because I am 1) American and 2) literally a traffic engineer by trade, I simply cannot describe the Netherlands as anything other than "car-hostile". I felt actively unsafe driving around each city we visited because there are so many people on bicycles everywhere, who have right of way. Hell, even as a pedestrian I didn't feel safe because they come at you from every direction and you gotta keep your head on a swivel at all times. In The Hague I watched a woman get knocked into by a cyclist who just shouted over her shoulder "Let op voor fietsen!" ("Watch out for bikes!") and carried on.

Amsterdam ended up being more interesting than I was expecting and now I kinda wish I had dedicated one more day for it in the itinerary. Convenient and easy mass-transit system, some of the best bookstores I've ever been in, and beautiful canals everywhere you look.

Were I forced to describe the geography of the Netherlands, I would have to call it "suspiciously flat." I also got to continue my tradition of traveling to foreign countries, seeing literal hundreds of spinning wind turbines all over the place, and seething with jealousy.

Utrecht was a neat, smaller city with a central canal that I wish I had set aside more time for. Felt like a place where you'd actually want to live more than a touristy city.

The Mauritshuis in The Hague is where Vermeer's Girl with a Pearl Earring is located, and you know that before you even get to that room because she's plastered on 99% of everything for sale in the gift shop right at the entrance.

When we drove over the Netherlands-Belgium border, it started getting overcast. These gray skies hung around for four days, and dissipated as soon as we traveled back north on the final day. All of my memories of this country will now have a gray/de-saturated filter on them.

I know Brussels has a reputation of being a run-down or dangerous city among Europeans, but it just felt like a regular American city to me (specifically like the architecture/street layout of Boston with the political importance of Washington DC). Like, I don't know what to tell you, sometimes cities have visible homeless people, unsightly graffiti, and ethnic minority neighborhoods? It's gonna be okay, I promise. Amsterdam felt like Weenie Hut Jr. by comparison.

Going through the European Parliament building was very cool and very well laid-out and informative. Definitely a personal highlight of the trip for me.

The Belgian War Museum kinda just felt like some rich guy's personal collection of artifacts the public shouldn't have had access to? Not a lot of labels explaining what you're looking at in any language.

Belgian chocolate is fine. Not bad, but I mean it's chocolate, that's hard to screw up, you know?

During my research before this trip I kept seeing a general consensus that Bruges is super touristy and sanitized and feels fake and that Ghent was better for a more "authentically" preserved medieval center. I'm glad I opted to go there instead because it exceeded my expectations. Awesome architecture everywhere you turn, way fewer crowds than I expected, and it still felt lived in by modern people rather than a giant open-air museum.

Literally did not see a single physical Euro at all on this trip. Both of these countries are entirely cashless societies, and everyone (both tourists and locals) used chip readers and contactless payment for damn near every interaction. If anything, I saw tons of "Card Only/No Cash" signs and none of the opposite.

[justfangirlstuffs]

Touch prompt for @pure-plum

21: kissing the other's brow, when a certain someone won't stop worrying to focus on whats in front of them so looks like they'll have to get your attention

The night winds up and then back down as you and your two devils make your getaway from the speakeasy.

@naffeclipse

Based off of the Syzygy in Dedication AU where Sun and Moon are Mob Bosses.

Wordcount: 3427

Part 3 (Read part 1 here) (Read part 2 here)

Footsteps were approaching and your heart pounded as you awaited your fate. Cramped in a wardrobe with a mob boss, a very infamous one at that, there was no real good explanation for that, was there? Perhaps, if Sun was willing, you could play it off as a hostage situation. Surely he’d go along with it. You weren’t a coward, you just couldn’t very well treat Sun and Moon, or any of your other customers if you were behind bars.

As the sounds grew nearer you felt Sun shift and caught sight of him placing a hand on what was no doubt a concealed weapon. The doors of the wardrobe were flung wide, and where you had expected a flashlight beam, a soft wash of red light was there to greet you both.

“Well, well,” Moon drawled, leering an amused smile at you both as he leaned against the door frame. “Isn’t this just cozy?”

“Care to join us?” Sun asked, his posture relaxed and his grin brightening.

“Don’t be silly. The wardrobe would never fit all three of us. A bed, however…”

“AHEM.” You glared between both of them. “Pretty sure the danger hasn’t passed, so if you would be so kind…”

Moon snickered before reaching out a hand. You took it, feeling Sun’s hand holding the small of your back to assist in steadying you as Moon helped you clamber out of the wardrobe. 

“Where have you been?” Sun asked as he followed suit. The pair of them were still keeping their voices hushed.

“Just had to lead some bulls on a wild goose chase. I don’t think I need to ask where you’ve been.”

“Doing as I said I would, keeping our little tinkerer entertained.”

“Can we please just go?” you pleaded. All was not quiet, and your knee was still bothering you. If it came down to having to run…

Moon silently motioned to the two of you to follow as he strode across the small room to a window. He undid the latch and pried it open, the wood creaking a little. It must not see much use. At a glance, the room appeared to be minimally furnished, just a little space for people to perhaps sleep off the alcohol before going home. Or, other more lascivious activities.

With the grace of a lynx, Moon squeezed out of the window and dropped down, vanishing. You made a soft noise of concern. You were still on the second story (at least) after all. However, when you approached the window and peered down, you saw Moon standing in the back alley between buildings, waving for you to follow. Oh no… they can’t really expect you to.

“Up and out, love,” Sun said, nudging you to go through the window.

“But… I…” If you fell…

“I’ll lower you down and he’ll catch you,” Sun promised. “But we gotta shake a leg.”

You groaned but carefully began maneuvering yourself out into the chilly evening with Sun’s assistance. Holding tightly to his hands, he began lowering you down to pass you off to Moon. Then you heard a door bang open and shouting. “Police! Hands up!”

Your heart nearly stopped in your ribcage as you met Sun’s gaze. He needed his hands, but he didn’t want to drop you. But he needed to. So, you let go, letting yourself fall. For a heart-stopping moment, you were weightless and free-falling, then you landed in a pair of arms. It was a surprisingly smooth catch all things considered. You looked up but Sun was nowhere to be seen, but you could hear shouts and the sounds of a skirmish.

Cold dread sat heavily in your chest. “Is he…?”

“He’ll be fine,” Moon said as he went on the move, his loping gate managing to keep the jostling to a minimum. It was very dark, and you could make out very little as he carried you. “Though, it’s cute that you’re worried.”

“Of course I am. You both can still get hurt and then I’ll have to fix you up.”

“That’s why we’re not worried. We have you.”

You felt your skin heat and you gave him a soft tap against his torso with your knuckles. “Don’t think you can make it better by throwing applesauce my way.”

He chuckled and the sound was a comfort in the overwhelming darkness. “Was worth a try.”

—-----

Moon was having a very nice night, all things considered. Business had gone well, and leading the police around by their noses only to give them the slip was always good fun. However, you being here was the cherry atop this sundae of a night. It did bring a sense of urgency though. There was that dark niggling concern of you getting hurt. He needed to get you away and to safety from the police who were still buzzing about like flies on manure.

There was always the option of using you as a hostage if need be… no. Moon didn’t trust that one of the cops wouldn’t shoot at you just to get to him, or hit you by accident out of sheer incompetence. He wouldn’t risk that. He would not risk you.

You had fallen silent, with only the puffs of your soft breathing reaching his auditory processors. As he rounded a corner, he was forced to quickly double back and flatten himself against a wall as several uniforms marched by. Moon held perfectly still, and so did you, save for your hand clinging to his shirt, possibly seeking comfort from the tense situation. He listened to their chatter and from the sound of things, more backup would be arriving. Moon mentally cursed. At this rate, escaping on foot would be nearly impossible with you in tow, and he would not leave you for anything. Their brother would not have you.

“Hang tight,” Moon whispered to you. As soon as there was an opening, he took off dashing with as much speed as he could.

“Freeze!”

He did not, and bullets rang out. Most missed him and he held you tighter, balling you up against him to minimize the chances of you getting hurt. For your part, you were taking the whole thing rather well. You were tense, but you were shaking like a leaf. You were not unfamiliar with guns, or violence.

Moon felt an impact to his leg, metal piercing metal, and a hiss of steam escaped through his neck as he cursed but kept running, rounding another corner. His visual processors timed out for a few seconds, overwhelmed by the flood of headlights overtaking his vision. A car pulled up alongside him and Sun grinned from behind the wheel.

“Need a lift?”

Moon wordlessly threw open the back door and squeezed himself into the backseat with you on his lap, shutting the door behind him.

“Took you long enough,” Moon grumbled.

“What can I say? I have a flare for the dramatic.”

Moon held on fast to you as Sun peeled out, burning rubber as the sounds of most gunfire rang out from nearby. Moon pushed your head down, covering you, and you flinched as one of the windows was shot out, raining glass across the backseat.

“Hold on!” Sun called out and made a sharp turn that had the tires screaming in protest, but the car did his bidding. It had been a while since Sun had to play getaway driver, but Moon was happy to see the bastard hadn’t lost his touch.

The three of you weren’t out of the woods yet, however. A few police vehicles were still in pursuit. They would need to shake them before they could even think about taking you home. You were squirming in his grasp, and he looked down at you, expecting to see fear. Instead, he saw… not quite fear… more like intense concern.

“Where were you hit?” you asked.

Ah… you’d noticed that. Of course, you did. “Now isn’t the time for-”

“Where were you hit?” A demand this time, concern morphing into a fiery intensity that has his servos whirring in excitement.

Another sharp turn that he had to brace himself and you for. “Leg.”

Without another word, you slid down to the floor. “I’m gonna check.” You’re one warning before you began rolling up his pant leg. You cursed. Ah… it must not be pretty then. “I need tools!” you called out.

“There’s a kit under the passenger’s seat,” Sun called out. Leave it to him to plan ahead.

He managed to shake off all but one car that was doggedly persisting. You dug around until you found a small tool kit dumping it out onto the seat.

“You’re leaking out oil. I need to stem the discharge. Can you brace me while I work?”

Moon nodded, pulling you once more into his lap, bracing you with his arm around your middle while he braced the rest of his body against the backseat. He situated the damaged leg so you could work on it. Clicking on a small flashlight and gripping it between your teeth, you got to work. Moon could only watch as your skilled hands worked their magic, quickly becoming smeared with oil, with him.

“Brace yourselves!” Sun called back.

Moon held you tight to keep you from lurching as Sun accelerated the car through an intersection, nearly causing a full-on collision with a truck probably out doing late-night deliveries. The police vehicle had to veer off in order to avoid a t-bone. Sun rounded another bend, and from there it was a straight shot across the bridge over the river that sparkled like diamonds across a shadowy blanket under the moonlight.

It was beautiful, yet Moon was more focused on your and your dirty work and the fact you didn’t even care that you were staining a perfectly good set of clothes. You sat back, breathing heavily. “There… that should hold for now.”

You wiped your brow with the back of your arm, smearing it with black before glancing back at him with a deep frown. Moon took out a dark pocket handkerchief and wiped at the mess on your forehead, but his dark ‘blood’ stains your skin. Good, let him linger on you.

Moon pressed his smile against your forehead. “You keep making that face it’s gonna get stuck that way.”

A soft glow graced your cheeks and you blinked at him before scowling down into your lap. “If it does it’ll be your fault.” You rubbed at your knee, stretching it out with a low groan.

Curiosity struck him. “What’s wrong?”

“My knee,” you mumbled. “Old injury.”

Moon leaned forward, hooking his fingers under the hem of your pant leg and tugging up. You gave a little squawk and pushed at his hand. “Don’t.”

“I want to see.”

“I don’t want you to see.”

That… stung. He wanted to see and he didn’t like that you didn’t want him to. He didn’t like that there were still things you hid from him, from them. He didn’t like it… but he would respect it. You’d earned that much. He moved his hand away and you exhaled, your body relaxing.

“What happened?” he asked.

You were silent for a long time. Sun was focused on driving, but Moon had no doubt he was attentively listening to the entire exchange. For a while, the hum of the engine and the occasional rattle of the car as it went over bumps were the only sounds to fill the otherwise tense silence.

“I fucked up,” you said eventually and left it at that.

Fine, he would too. For now.

“By the way,” Sun said, cutting through the tension like a sunray through dark clouds. “I picked up a little something special on my way out.” he reached over to the passenger’s seat and hoisted up a bottle of whiskey. “I thought this would be a nice little pick me up after- hey!”

You leaned forward and snatched the bottle from Sun’s grasp. Before either of them could stop you, you unscrewed the lid and took a swig straight from the bottle. Neither of them spoke up about you. You’d earned that too.

—---

The rest of the ride back to your workshop was quiet. You were on edge and strung out, riding high off adrenaline, and now starting to float on the buzz of the whiskey entering your bloodstream. For all the close calls and dangerous, life-threatening situations, you couldn’t deny that you had, to some degree, enjoyed yourself. That wasn’t healthy, and you couldn’t keep letting yourself get sucked into their world.

This game the lot of you were playing was going to be the end of you in some form or fashion. And yet, knowing that, you couldn’t bring yourself to fold and walk away. 

Sun parked the car about a block away from your shop and the two of them walked you home in silence. It was tense, and you knew you had made it that way. Dammit, you didn’t want them to think you were ungrateful. So, you situated yourself between them, taking hold of Sun’s hand with your right, and gripping Moon’s hand with your left. You hoped neither of them minded that your hands were dirty.

“You both are idiots,” you said, glancing between the pair of them. “Thank you.” Their smiles beamed down at you, their fingers gently squeezing yours. You hesitated, then said, “I wouldn’t mind doing this again… though maybe next time without the police chase.”

“Yes,” Moon agreed with a nod.

“I’d love to get another dance with you in the future,” Sun commented. “You’re quite the Oliver Twist.”

You snorted. “Says you.”

By the time you got to your shop, you were almost disappointed, because it meant it was time for them to leave. They kept watch as you pulled out your keys and unlocked the door, and they followed you just inside. You were all business as you ushered Moon to your workbench so you could fully patch up his leg. Sun had you sit on his lap to give your knee a rest while you worked. Before long, you were finished.

“Well… I guess you’ll be going,” you murmured, feeling a little sad.

“For now,” Moon murmured.

Right. The work was done, there wasn’t really much more of an excuse for them to stay. You walked them to the door As you turned to step away, if only so you didn’t have to watch them go, Sun caught you by the wrists and spun you back towards him.

“What, no kiss goodnight?” he teased.

You knew the question was in jest, and you knew they expected you to take it as such. To shrug it off as you’ve done towards a number of their flirts and advances. The heat of the whiskey burned in your veins. Your heart knocked against his chassis. You both craved and feared what would happen next. But if it had to happen, then you wanted to be the initiator.

Going all the way up on tip-toe, you pressed your mouth against that damnable smile. A sound of static erupted from his voice box, and you felt a low rumble as his hands freed your wrists in favor of crushing you against him. Your feet dangled at his shins and just when you thought it was done he angled your face, deepening the kiss. His hands moved over you, securing you against him, as though he feared you would somehow slip away. It was surprisingly tender and sweet, yet so incredibly raw, free of the practiced poise and charm. You would even dare to think it was… sincere.

You came up for air with a gasp, your mouth and cheeks burning. Heart fluttering faster than it ever dared to. Sun was staring at you, for the first time since you’d met him, at a loss for words. You were saved the trouble of saying anything when another set of arms snatched you away, and you were caught by bright red optics.

“I hope you weren’t intending on leaving me out,” Moon’s voice growled deeply.

You huffed and dared to roll your eyes before grabbing him by the faceplate, surprising him. “Shut up,” you muttered before crushing your mouth against his sharp grin.

While Moon did not sweep you off your feet as Sun had, the kiss was no less intense, and he wasn’t shy about venting some of his frustration at your rudeness into it. One of his hands was at the small of your back, and he tilted you back so that you instinctively grabbed for his lapels, even though you were in no real danger of falling. His other hand traveled up the back of your neck, tangling in your hair. You gasped against his mouth as his fingers gave a firm tug but it was more surprising than painful. Yet, even caught up in the whirlwind, you felt a small, wickedly delicious sliver of control. 

Kissing Sun and Moon was everything you’d expected and more; wild, insane, and freeing. Their kisses and their embraces promised everything you could ever want. Comfort and security. Laughter and leisure. Never again having to wonder if you were going to be able to keep your clinic afloat for another year. No more lonely nights, no more waking up to solitude. Surely, you would be happy, if you just said one little word. The word they’ve been waiting to hear from the very start.

Slowly you came back down, and Moon pulled you upright onto your feet. For a few heartbeats, you thought he might not let you go. But he did. Reluctantly, perhaps, but he did.

“Have a good night,” he said, before slipping out through the front door.

Sun was quick to follow. “Sweet dreams, love.”

You nodded, feeling a heaviness in your chest as the door closed behind them with a tinkle of bells. Leaning against the door, you touched at your throat where your bells sat. The bells they had gifted you. It took everything you had not to fling open the door and call out after them, or maybe chase them down. You would see them again. Until then, you would pray to anyone who would listen that they stayed safe.

—--

“Tonight was a good night,” Sun commented as they walked back towards the car.

Moon murmured his agreement. Mentally, he was still back in your shop, still holding you against him, still lost in that kiss. He had been surprised by your sudden dominance, but he hadn’t hated it. He rather liked it in fact. It was nice being the one pursued for a change, and not by cops.

He pulled out one of his cigarettes, and was about to light up, but paused. His steps slowed to a halt, and Sun paused as well, staring at Moon curiously. He recalled your words from earlier that night, as he danced with you: “You don't need to be hurt to see me. My door is always open.” Moon wanted to believe that had been sincerity and not just politeness. Knowing you, surely it could only be the former.

“The police are probably still looking for us,” he mused out loud.

“Most certainly,” Sun readily agreed.

“It’d be bad if we led them back to the hideout.” There was of course no chance of that, but Sun’s smile lengthened, clearly willing to play along.

“It would indeed. If only there was somewhere safe for us to lay low.”

“I think I know just the place.”

With that, the two of them turned right back around and headed to your door. Moon was the one to knock, and after a beat or two, you called out, “Who is it?”

“Your favorite customers,” Sun sing-songed.

The sounds of latches being thrown in rapid succession and then the door being thrown open. Your eyes were wide, concerned, but also hopeful.

“Evening, doll,” Moon said with a wide, sharp grin. “We need a place to stay for a bit until the heat dies down.”

A smile bloomed across your features like the most precious and beautiful flower. You gave a soft laugh and stood by to let them through. “Come on in. I’ll put some records on.” They ducked inside and you shut and locked the door. “Just give me a chance to get out of these glad rags.”

“Take your time,” Moon said.

They weren’t planning on leaving you any time soon, their precious little tinkerer. The night was still young after all.

[thickest-slimiest-malware]

rating tma factions based on how scary they are to me

as soon as i realised there were categories i felt the need to sort and review them, so i was thrilled to find there was an in-universe list.

the burried: 4/10 when you describe the pain of a box physically shrinking and the pain of it squeezing you i sympathise, but the fear of just being in a space seems unreasonable. however i am also scared of boredom and being trapped somewhere for too long, and of being uncomfortable.

the corruption: 3/10 i gotta say i really feel comfortable with that stuff by now. i could swim in it. definetally would join if i had that option. i used to have more of this fear but i overcame it, its thrilling.

the dark: 9/10. darkness is actually one of my biggest fears, but only when i cant sleep. im really scared of not being able to sleep

the desolation: 1/10 they seem cool as fuck i would also join them, i love fire

the end: 2/10 boring

the eye: 5/10 i think. there havent been too many examples yet, but for sure, a healthy ammount of scary

the flesh: 4/10 slaughterhouses are also one of my childhood fears, i had a dream of my pet being taken to the vet but later learning it was a slaughterhouse many times.

the hunt: 4/10 obviously very scary but... id say i enjoy being chased to some degree. i like running and feeling motivated for once

the lonely: 2/10 somewhat upsetting. im not scared of being alone temporarily, but im scared i will become too isolated in the future or like in general. but i could handle it as long as i'm entertained

the slaughter: 6/10 i'm scared of violence, i think a reasonable ammount.

the spiral: 10/10 ouch. if i can tell an episode is related to the spiral i am skipping it. im so scared of being less than sober, im so scared of being in trance

the stranger: 7/10 sexy. reminds me of art school. i love clowns. would also join

the vast: 3/10 i'm scared of being bored. emptiness sucks. not scared of the physical space tho. love me some fresh air

the web: 4/10 reasonably scary? i dont think i can think of realistic examples that are an active threat to me tho. also im good at blaming the person who actually manipulated me and promising revenge. besides someone putting in the work to manipulate me feels kinda nice.

well thats fun, its nice to have them all together like this, so i know what to avoid, and just for autism sake. my ratings may change in the future, as i am less than half way into the series.

note: wow being unemployed really does something to your brain. i spent 1.5 hours writing this and didnt really notice

[thelonelyhoneybee]

the tea is how he demanded to see her once since we’ve been gone- with no contact, in which not even the state would provide in the state of tennessee.

the tea is how he hasn’t helped a damn dime since we’ve been gone. i have purchased an entire wardrobe, hygiene items, 10+ cans of formula, she eats food now so im sure you know what that means, went through two cases of diapers and wipes each, and don’t get me started on the activities i have paid to do with my child with my alongside NEW freedom since leaving. AND I AM POSITIVE I AM FORGETTING SOMETHING, but this is all out of pocket no fucking assistance.

the tea is he only liked the label of being a father. he complained he could never relax or sleep due to my decision of not aborting her. he blamed her and i why he would stay up playing video games, watching tv, masturbating, or passively scrolling instead of doing his homework that inevitably caused him to flunk the term.

the tea is he would lie about going to his moms to go see a girl i was talking to first because he seeks on finding partners that look like me or HM. or maybe it’s because he does whatever it takes to hurt people. he enjoys getting deep. maybe it wasn’t a motive but it’s gotta be the icing on the cake. i was the main provider countless of times while he played like he wasn’t a father outside. i went out twice in 9 1/2 months. if i left the house without my child, i promise you it got so bad about me hearing about it i either didn’t leave or i always took her with me.

the tea is how he would give me black eyes and bruises weekly but was quick to forget the whole reason why he started to beat my ass in the first place. i am a domestic violence survivor. my ex prior did unspeakable things to me that are everlasting. when confrontation occurs between my partner and i, i back away. i am quiet. i like to revisit due to my ptsd. i have been punched for talking, spitting blood, or crying because of every time i didn’t speak before with the same man you support. my ptsd caused by old abuser influenced the tactics on my latest because HE forgot who I have become or how to ever speak to me. he forgot and stopped caring because i wasn’t his interest after i became a complication with HM. i was only convenient.

the tea is how he craved an abortion and also threatened to kick me in the stomach several times. in which i have documents to support both of these. or how he would tell me that he was searching for a new mom for her, one that doesn’t ask questions, takes care of the kid, cooks and cleans, does what is told, etc all because he truly believes he doesn’t have to help. (i have texts of this as well as voice recordings)

the tea is how i helped him STILL when i was pregnant to go get assistance because of him having an STI. i played dumb, but no one RANDOMLY gets an infection in their nut sack let’s be fucking for real here

the tea is how i was manipulated into believing he was my best friend- who wanted me to find new partners just to bag the girl i was talking to AND have sex with the trans (trans m2f), who also originally were both either wanting to talk or were talking to me… or how i wasn’t allowed to be with friends or family.. i wasn’t allowed to know the true feeling of love for 5 fucking years. i still do not unless it comes from my child. these black eyes are why I never came to see you, Emma. this is why i never got the formal opportunity of allowing you to get close to me. i knew what would come.

the tea is how he would hit me, yell at me that i am the one who wanted to have this child, force me to quit my job that payed more so that way he can keep his “ego” and told me that the only person AND MAIN PERSON that needs to take care of Genevieve Ryleigh Anne Stewart is Annie Danielle MOTHER FUCKING THAYER. WHY ARE THINGS DIFFERENT NOW??? WHY DOES HE GET TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT SEEING A CHILD WHEN I HAVE DOCUMENTED PROOF OF NO FUCKING MESSAGES FROM THIS MAN.

the tea is how charges were pressed on me but we know who really did things… he will, can, and has the power and the voice to be very impactful. he is very influential. in other words, someone is great with hiding things from their partners alongside with wearing masks..

i could go on for hours- sincerely-

you sure you don’t want that coffee? or maybe tea? you seem really thirsty. do not fret, my book is coming soon. i have been painted a villain in multiple fictions by a con artist, womanizer, narcissist, and manipulative concoction that this “man” necessarily is. i will no longer respond or react to these messages that are anonymous. i am taking the HIGHER route.

at this point of time, i do not care about an excuse for a person when they do not and have not provided. there’s a reason a man will sit up in another woman’s house, eating her food, shacking up, and influencing her perception with head and performances like this…

i don’t hate you anymore Hannah. I envy Hannah getting to leave.

I am not a hateful person. I am not keeping anyone away from Genevieve. I am a good mom. I live my life every day for Genevieve. I have been a better mom since finally putting my foot down and giving up on my best friend of 5 fucking years.

i gave up on you ever changing

i gave up on you

don’t burn yourself, i know it’s hot

[kylewalker-peters]

eleanor i am both confused and obsessed w the current F1 drama can you please,, as they say,, explain it in football terms for me

okay so let's do:

spurs - mclaren, chelsea - alpine (two girlies very much having a mid off in the top 4 just like alpine and mcalren are having a mid off at the top of the midfield)

united - aston - united probably promise all their new signings they will be winning and back at the top of the league in no time with their Vision and Funding and aston seem to promise their world champion drivers the same thing... this never happens

okay so it's just before the transfer window and an old man at united retires and everyone's like wow who is united going to transfer in to replace them. one the first day of the transfer window it's announced that it's old man number 2 from Chelsea to everyone's surprise. the owners of Chelsea end up being the most surprised and tommy t comes out and is like well we learnt about this with everyone else we thought they were staying at the club. this in itself is very funny.

so at the end of day 1 united have completed their transfer window and Chelsea is like well shit we gotta sign a player.

LUCKILY they have a brilliant young talent coming through the ranks that just missed out on the first team last season because of said old man who has now left. so if you're chelsea you're like sick and brilliant and amazing our problem is immediately solved we just shove this kid into the team. EVERYONE also assumes said young kid is going to sign btw, so much so that when united signed chelsea's old man everyone spent more time talking about how the starboy was going to get called up. the thing is.... mr youth product had believed, just like Chelsea, that old man number 2 would be staying at the club so had made plans to go elsewhere and is rumoured to have some sort of deal in place with spurs. chelsea panic and say ah fuck it we cant lose this starboy let's drop the announcement he's staying with us (and starboy's manager is Australian and maybe in Australia so we'll drop it while Australians are sleeping.... australian man was in England and NOT sleeping apparently).

so at the mid point of day 2 united have completed their transfer window and Chelsea believe they have completed theirs by dropping this little bombshell. HOWEVER, over at spurs and they have a player that's been underperforming (that metaphor hits a bit close to home actually) and they want him GONE. even though said player (we'll say janssen) and the manager have publicly said they'll still be here next season the manager/club is OPENLY shopping and signing every lanky brunette dude they can find despite not having any space for them. spurs are already somewhat in a legal battle with an American team for trying to sign their player when he was already legally not able to join and they don't want another one on their hands in their own backyard. but fabrizio has already tweeted "young chelsea dude to spurs almost here we go!" and everyone loses their minds.

so chelsea have put their tweet up confirming starboy BUT then starboy comes on twitter and says it was announced without his consent, that he'd signed nothing, and not just that he wasn't currently going to be playing for Chelsea but that he wouldn't be playing for Chelsea that season PERIOD actively removing himself from the ONE confirmed opportunity he had to play football that season. and spurs are like welp.... that looks like a mess... and so unlike with the MLS situation they haven't claimed/announced/said anything about signing the starboy. so starboy has gone from a guaranteed starting 11 position to nothing all over again.

so by the end of DAY TWO of the transfer window:

united: fine, happy, thriving, unbothered

chelsea: think they are fine because legally starboy doesn't have a leg to stand on. they provided the clauses in his "reserve squad" contract and they can make starboy a first team player instantly

spurs: seen as the dickhead of the league cant lie. already fucking up across the pond and now it looks like they have all the grace and decorum of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on. BARE IN MIND said flop of the year is STILL playing at the club, they haven't been fired or anything, this has all gone on behind their backs and is now being made public...

[fruitcoops]

Sometimes I forget that Leo is 19 and can’t drink in the states. I think he would get away with stealing drinks from the boys or having someone on the team order for him in public for a while but once the season’s started and people are actively watching the games, the bartenders and wait staff start to figure out who he is and catch him being sneaky

I only write drunkenness on a case-to-case basis because it squicks me out sometimes, but something about this ask really stuck with me. To @lalalasocks, I hope your sinuses feel better! Have some outside perspective of Coops to soothe the soul <3 SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for a drunken rookie (no explicit alcohol)

“Pots and I are going to take it up the left,” Sirius said, never taking his eyes off his whiteboard as he drew out the lines of the play. iPads were generally the more conventional tool, but he had a thing for tradition and Sirius Black’s flair for the dramatic never ceased to amaze. “Knutty?”

Leo nodded and leaned forward, swiping a drop of sweat off his temple with a glance toward the game as Talker flew past. “I’ll be in for the rest of the period as soon as Coach calls it.”

“Bien.” He tapped Remus’ shoulder pad with the end of his pen and marked a path up the other side. “Loops, the puck is coming to you fast, so you need to keep eyes on us. Once you get it, turn on the jets and get it in. Good?”

“Good,” Remus confirmed, bumping fists with James. Leo watched them with no small amount of surprise—even though Remus had only been a player for six months, their line was rock-solid. James was the powerhouse while Remus flashed down the ice; Sirius counterbalanced them both in the middle. He was grateful he wasn’t the one to see them coming at him on plays.

“1, 6, 7, 12!” Coach barked. Leo clenched his teeth around his mouthguard and got ready to hop the boards. A swish of skates, a bump of Kasey’s shoulder, and it was game time.

-----------

“I love you,” Leo hiccupped, plopping himself down in Logan’s lap and tangling a hand in his dark curls. He went to kiss his cheek, then frowned. “Oh.”

“Hi,” Sirius laughed with a gentle pat his side. “Good night so far, Knutty?”

Leo made a face. “Where’s my Canadian?”

“I have no idea.”

His lip slid out even further into a pout. “He told me I could sit on his lap,” he whined plaintively, resting his head in the crook of Sirius’ shoulder with a heavy sigh. The bar was warm—a little too warm, actually—but it felt nice to be sitting on something soft rather than feeling the sticky floor under his sneakers. And there was one more reason he needed to find Logan, one other highly important thing… “An’ I gotta give him a kiss.”

“Do you want to go look for him?”

Leo made a noncommittal noise and swung his leg under the table absently, letting the alcohol in his system lift all his post-game tiredness away. His head hurt a little from being awake so long. “How ‘bout I stay here and wait?”

“I think it’s about time to get you home.”

Leo sighed again, picking at a string on the knee of his ripped jeans. “Am I squishing you?”

“Non.”

“Mmkay.” A bright square of light half blinded him and he squinted. “Who’re you texting?”

“Finn.”

“Why?”

“So that he can pick you up and get you home before you fall asleep on me,” Sirius said, quite amused for some reason. “Comfy, rookie?”

He shifted even closer into the warmth and closed his eyes. Usually he got horny when he drank, but that feeling had already passed and a nap was sounding awful nice. “I like it when you call me that. Hate when other people do it, but it’s different with you.”

Sirius gave his upper arm a light squeeze. “Glad to hear it.”

“Used to drive me nuts,” he snorted. “Those first couple’a weeks on the team were rough.”

“…why?”

“Cause I had a huge crush on you.”

Cozy silence fell between them until Sirius moved to look at him. Leo blinked sleepily. “You what?”

“Well, Kasey was my first crush, right? I had his jersey an’ his poster an’ he’s fucking hot, but you’re the captain.” Sirius was so nice to him. Not everyone would have let a 6’4” hockey player sit on their lap and wait for their boyfriends. At the moment, though, Sirius looked a bit like Leo had thrown ice water in his face. “And obviouslyFinn and Logan are my boys and I love them so much and they were sopretty when I met them but, y’know, it’s the thrill of the captain vibe.”

“Am I interrupting something?” a new voice asked through poorly-suppressed laughter.

Leo turned his head to look up with a smile. “Hey, Loops, how’re you?”

“Pretty good.” Remus shared a look with Sirius, grinning, before taking the seat next to them. “You two look…content.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Sirius said immediately, though Leo felt his chest hitch with a laugh; he tapped Leo lightly on the elbow a moment later. “Finn’s heading over, d’accord?”

“But I just got here,” he mumbled.

“You’re in my spot,” Remus teased, sliding a glass over. “Drink up, bud.”

Leo narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”

“Water.”

He thought for a second—he wasn’t thirsty, but his mouth was getting dry—and yawned, sitting up enough to stretch before grabbing it. In two gulps, it was gone. “Aw.”

Remus bit his lip and passed a different glass over. “You can have mine too, it’s okay.”

“How are both of you so nice?” he asked, looking between them in something like distress. The music was getting too loud, but they were both watching him intently. “It’s not even fair, man. Can’t you just be an asshole for once so the rest of us don’t look bad?”

Sirius shook his head and pressed the water cup into his hand. “Been there, done that. Do not recommend. Besides, the designated drivers don’t get to be mean.”

Leo felt a little better once the water was gone; he blinked slowly, scanning the crowds for any signs of Finn’s hair or Logan’s ass. Both were identifying features he would never get tired of. “Loops?”

“Yeah?”

“Why is your hair soft?”

“I—” He tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Have you ever touched my hair?”

He leaned back against Sirius, stretching his legs out until his knees popped. “No, but it looks soft. Like Finn’s, if Finn was blonder and had curls. Fluffy.”

“It’s very fluffy,” Sirius confirmed, pulling him up a little more.

“Hey!” Leo protested. “Watch the hands, your boyfriend is right there!”

Sirius rolled his eyes with a huff. “I was making sure you didn’t slide off the bench.”

“Sure,” Leo said with a suspicious glare. “Just ‘cause I won MVP for this game—”

“Okay,” Sirius groaned, standing and detangling his limbs to transfer Leo’s weight onto Remus. “I’m going to go get your boyfriends from wherever they got distracted, and then you’re going to go home and sleep so you’re not dying at practice tomorrow. Oui?”

He disappeared into the mass of people without giving Leo time to respond, wiping his hands on the thighs of his jeans as he craned his neck to see over people’s heads. “Rude,” Leo sulked, cuddling up into Remus’ side instead.

“I know, right?” He took a sip of something lemony and Leo pulled a face. “What?”

“Aren’t you DD?”

“Last I checked, DD’s are allowed to drink lemonade,” he laughed, patting the top of his head. “That was an awesome save in the third, by the way. You could’ve got the hat from that one alone.”

“Which one?” Leo yawned again, licking his lips to rid them of the stickiness he could feel forming.

“The splits one.”

“Mmm, yeah, that was pretty badass.” More people darkened his periphery and he scooted over to make room. “Hey, mes amours.”

“I hear you were bothering our dear captain?” Finn asked, kissing his cheek with a grin. There was no alcohol on his breath, only the mint from the peppermint candies he always stole from the little container by the bar. “Come on, baby, time to go.”

“But Loops and I were talking,” he whined, though it only took a small tug on Finn’s part to get him to snuggle up into his soft shirt. “He was telling me how good I did in the game.”

A warm hand stroked his hair out of his eyes; warmer lips brushed his forehead, and he felt Logan’s hand on his knee. “Bedtime, love,” he said in a quiet voice, almost too soft for Leo to hear over the noisy bar. “Wanna be in the middle?”

Leo looked up in hope. “Really?”

“Ouais. C’mon, Knutty, up you go.”

He wobbled a little as he stood, but got his feet under him within a few moments with the help of Finn’s arm around his waist and waved off everyone else’s offered help. “Gonna be fine for practice,” he promised, patting Sirius’ hand with a nod. “Totally fine, don’t worry. Go—hic—go grind on your boyfriend, ‘kay? You both need it.”

“Sweet Jesus,” Sirius muttered. “I pity your head in the morning.”

“I’m fine,” Leo scoffed. He was already sleepy—there was no way he would have a headache, not after he had two whole glasses of water. “G’night.”

“Drive safe,” Sirius and Remus chorused as Logan fit himself under Leo’s other arm to kiss his neck twice, sending butterflies through his stomach. The outside world was nice and quiet; Leo barely got himself buckled into his seat before dozing off with his head against the cool passenger window.

[twstarchives]

Let Me Go!!

Card: Dorm Uniform - SSR Characters: Epel, Rook, Vil, Idia

Chapter 1

—INTERIOR HALLWAY—

Epel: Um... This is where the film studies club meets, right?

—CLASSROOM—

Epel: Excuse me...

Rook: Hello, Epel-kun! I see Vil asked you to lend a hand here.

Epel: I’d say it’s more like I was forced... Did he ask you too?

Rook: I’m helping on my own accord. The pleasure is all mine if I’m able to be with Vil.

(Clap, clap!)

Vil: Film studies club! Everyone gather around.

I’m going to discuss the details for when we begin our next student-produced film.

I’ll hand out the script first. Everyone, take one each.

Epel: Whoa, this script is so thick. They must really go all out with their activities here...

Vil: The next film we’re producing will be about time travel.

It’s set in the present day. The students of Night Raven College use a time machine...

And travel to the era of the Great Seven’s Fairest Queen of All.

Rook: The era of the Fairest Queen of All... How très bien!

What a fascinating idea, don’t you think, Epel-kun?

Epel: Hah... I guess.

Vil: The leading role is still undecided. I’ll let you know once I’ve chosen them.

Now, the time machine is the key item in this story... Epel!

Epel: ! Yes?!

Vil: I’m putting you in charge of designing it.

Epel: What?! I-I’m just the help. Why am I in charge of something so important...?

Vil: I’ve deemed you the most suitable for this.

Epel: (What gave him that idea?! I’ve never designed anything in my life. I want to say no...)

Vil: The time machine will use a magical wheel as a base. You’ll be customizing the exterior.

This way, we can shoot driving scenes.

Epel: You said magical wheel...?!

Vil: Yes. I’ve already arranged for one to use in our shooting.

I’ve asked Ignihyde’s dorm leader, Idia, to modify it, so you will work with him to complete it.

Epel: Got it!

Vil: ...You sounded very genuine there. Well, if you’re feeling motivated now, then that’s fine.

The theme of the time machine’s design should be “something beautiful and fitting for the setting.”

Your deadline is in three days at noon. Is that clear?

Epel: Yes, Vil-san!

(I was so reluctant about having to help out the film studies club... but I didn’t expect there to be a magical wheel involved!)

(That feeling of the passenger becoming one with the vehicle as they ride on... Just watchin’ it gets me all excited.)

(Maybe if I made a design that makes Vil-san’s jaw drop, he’d even let me take it for a test run.)

(Okay, I’m gonna do my best!!)

—IGNIHYDE DORM - LOUNGE—

Epel: I’m Epel, a first-year from Pomefiore. You’re Idia-san, right? Let’s work hard together.

Idia: Ugh... The glittery Pomefioran is here, hurray...

O-Oh, um... Vil-shi explained everything to me. We’ll use this lounge to work...

Epel: Okay, thank you.

Oh, that’s the magical wheel we’re going to modify there next to you, right? It’s so cool...!!

Idia: Hah... I only agreed to this ‘cause Vil-shi said he’d compensate me...

But working with other people... really makes me irritated by the second.

I need to finish this and go back to my room ASAP before my sanity gauge runs out.

Epel: (I know Vil-san’s taste pretty well since he’s been training me for months ever since I enrolled here.)

(I need to aim for a fancy design that goes with the setting and also satisfies Vil-san.)

Idia-san. Let’s do our best designing this magical wheel...!

Idia: Yeah. Let’s get this done as fast as we can...

Chapter 2

—IGNIHYDE DORM - LOUNGE—

Epel: It took all night... but it’s done! Idia-san, the coloring for the magical wheel is all finished.

Idia: Congrats on getting it done. You told Vil-shi you’d show it to him once it was finished, right? Shouldn’t you call him?

And end this so I can be alone.

Epel: Yes, I’ll go do that!

Epel: Here’s the magical wheel, painted to look like a time machine.

The design was inspired by the peacock engraved into the Fairest Queen of All’s favorite chair.

Vil: ......

Epel: Um... Vil-san?

Vil: Epel. Are you satisfied with this design?

Epel: What do you mean, am I satisfied...?

Vil: I ordered you to design something “beautiful and fitting for the setting.”

However, this piece conveys nothing from the creator’s heart.

You wouldn’t consider this design “beautiful,” would you?

Epel: ...! Well, I...

Vil: To me, this looks like you only tried to match the setting.

Redo it, Epel. And don’t think about coming back to the dorm until it’s finished.

Epel: What?! Vil-san, wait a seco— ...He’s gone.

...Dammit! How can he be angry that I made it exactly as he said...?!

But I get to work with a magical wheel, which I love so much. No way am I giving up after failing once!

I need to make something that I think is beautiful, that matches the setting,

And something that would make Vil-san satisfied, right?

I’m gonna do it!!

...... But what would that be...?

—IGNIHYDE DORM - IDIA’S ROOM—

Idia: Hehee! I got that kitty accessory I wanted! It’s a rare strength item that boosts my speed by 100!

Hehehe, now, the boss from this ultra-hard quest... You should tremble in fear of my dodging power.

(Running footsteps!)

        (Epel barges in)

Epel: Idia-san!

Idia: Eee! E-E-E-E-Epel-shi! It’s rude to come into someone’s room without knocking!

Epel: Oh... S-Sorry.

It’s just, we have to redo the time machine...

Idia: Hah? He rejected that flashy design?

Epel: Yeah... So please help me make it over again!

Idia: (I can’t believe Vil-shi. He should’ve done this himself if he was going for something specific. Why’d he leave it to someone else?)

(I can’t stand them taking away my gaming time anymore. I gotta get this done now and chase out Epel-shi...)

H-Hey, Epel-shi. Do you have anything you’re good at?

Epel: Huh? Why are you asking?

Idia: ‘Cause wouldn’t this get done faster if Vil-shi just made it himself instead of having you make it over again?

But he still put you up to it... So shouldn’t you consider that maybe you’ve got some kind of secret talent?

In online games, leveling up skills you’re good at makes getting through the game easier.

Epel: But I’m just good at things like carving apples. I can’t really use that in desig——

(...Hm? Apples...?)

I figured it out!!

Idia: Ee! I-I-It scares me when you yell out of nowhere! Wh-What did you figure out?

Epel: I figured out what I can make that’s as beautiful and fitting for the setting as I can!

Idia: I-I’m glad to see you came up with an idea. Well, let’s get on with it then.

Epel: Huh? But you stayed up all night last night. Are you sure you shouldn’t rest a little...?

Idia: Heh, staying up all night is nothing to me. I stan a group of idols who look elderly but with hearts eternally 17...

And even Moirai on the Edge can do live performances for 72 hours straight.

We’ll prevail over this ultra-hard quest!

Epel: M-Moi...rai? I-I don’t know what that means, but let’s work hard!

(This time, we’ll make a design that Vil-sanーno, that anyone would approve of!)

Chapter 3

ーーThe day the time machine is due.

???: ...el... Epel!

—IGNIHYDE DORM - LOUNGE—

Epel: *Yawns*...?

Huh? Ahh! When did I go to sleep?! And Vil-san, what’re you doin’ here?

Vil: Your deadline is today at noon, so I came to check up on how you were doing. Honestly, I cannot believe you were sprawled out asleep on the floor.

So? Have you finished the time machine?

Epel: Oh... I did. Take a look at this!

There’s a story where the Fairest Queen of All made a poisoned apple, right?

So this time, I used that as my inspiration.

The color of the whole body represents a ripe, red, shining apple.

Like one you reach out to take without even realizing it... Anyway, I made sure it looked delicious!

Vil: Hmm... Go on.

Epel: Right. The other thing I worked especially hard on was this design that’s hidden when the machine is stopped, and only gets revealed when it starts up.

I’ll turn it on to let you see.

Vil: ! You painted the tire kept inside... Is that a skull?

Epel: Yes! One of the stories mentioned that a skull rose up before the poisoned apple the Queen made turned red...

So I added a symbol that can’t be seen from the outside unless you start it up.

This time machine is as “beautiful and fitting for the setting” as I can make it right now!

Vil: ...Allow me to ask you one thing. Why did you change to a poisoned apple?

Epel: Um... When I tried to use a peacock in my design, I honestly couldn’t tell if it was good or bad...

But then I thought, no one would be able to resist a design that makes apples look appealin’...!!

Vil: ......

...Heh. You finally came up with a design that reflects you.

Epel: ...! Yeah!

Vil: Now, I will leave you with the keys to this magical wheel.

Epel: Huh? Why me?

Vil: I’m heading back to our set. You’ll deliver the machine to the film studies club yourself.

You have until noon to bring it, just as we discussed. Don’t be late. Understood?

        (Vil leaves)

Epel: ...If he was in such a rush, he could’ve just taken it himself... Wait, hold on?!

Does this mean I can ride it back to the set... maybe?

AHH~! ALL RIGHT!!

Idia: Ugh... Epel-shi, you’re too loud... Your voice is ringing through my sleep-deprived head...

Epel: Oh! S-Sorry, Idia-san.

I’ve always wanted a magical wheel... And I get to ride one I designed myself. I just can’t believe it...

Alright, let’s get to the school building!

—MAIN STREET—

Film Studies Student A: Hm...? What’s that? There’s something coming towards us from the front gate.

Rook: That is a magical wheel. And the one driving it is... Monsieur Cherry Apple, Epel-kun.

Film Studies Student A: It’s so glossy, like a real apple... And his Pomefiore uniform looks so nice. It’s beautiful!

Film Studies Student B: Driving that machine, Epel-kun’s got a radiance that’s different from his usual frail beauty.

Film Studies Student C: Yeah. That piercing cold look and his unconsciously curled-up lips... I’m so drawn to it; I can’t look away.

Rook: Did you hear that, Vil? Everyone is praising Epel-kun!

Vil: Hehe, these potatoes’ reactions are perfect.

Epel: Oh... There he is! Vil-san! Just as promised, I’m here to deliver this.

Let me stop the machine... Okay. Well, I’ll get going now.

Vil: Hold it, Epel. Stay right there.

Film studies club, your attention! I have an announcement to make regarding our next film.

For our undecided leading role... I’ve decided to cast Epel right here.

Epel: Wh... What?!

Vil: You all saw how he looked riding that time machine, yes?

I believe there’s no better person out there more suited for this role. Are there any objections?

Rook: It’s true, the sight of him riding that time machine up here almost felt like a scene from a movie.

Film Studies Student B: Yeah! Hats off to you for how dashing you looked. I’ll let you have my seat today.

Epel: W-Wait a second. I thought I was just helping with the design——

Vil: I’ve already made up my mind. I’ll thoroughly train you to be an actor, so do prepare yourself.

Now, you must do a costume fitting. Costume committee, take Epel to our club room.

Costume Committee: Okay!

Epel: I-I still haven’t said anything about doing th—let me go!!

Vil: ...I see now how drastically the sparkle in his eyes changes depending on whether he’s interested or not. Honestly. He’s a difficult apple to deal with.

Rook: Epel-kun was shining like a completely different person than he was yesterday, yes...

But perhaps were you anticipating this finale from the start?

Vil: Well, now. Who’s to say?

[tiktaalic]

Why exactly do you see Dean as gay rather than bi? Absolutely feel free to completely ignore this ask if you don't want to go into it - it's just I've heard that interpretation a few times here on Tumblr and I'd genuinely be really interested to hear your thoughts behind it, and how you relate it to the way Dean canonically acts on the show

the pithy answer is projection! the unpithy answer is that out of 320 episodes over the span of 15 years, there is one (1) where his attraction comes off as genuine to me, and it took place fifteen years ago (cassie). i’m a lesbian, and when i was younger i had really genuine and meaningful friendships with men that i thought meant i was in love with them. they were very dear friends to me and i cared deeply about them, and they continue to be dear to me and people i care deeply about now that my head’s on straighter. so that’s that point. 

this is. going to be a long post so this is the preemptive warning to everyone who can’t read tumblr paragraphs to zip scroll.

lisa straight up reads as a lavender marriage to me. the focus for both lisa AND dean is him stepping in to be a father figure. their conversations about how much they care about each other center around how good he is with ben/how much he loves ben. there’s like, nothing where they’re smiling at each other and actually enjoying each other’s company. she’s a two night stand he’s seen 4 times in the last decade. she is dean putting on his brave face and keeping his promise. lisa’s post dean boyfriend matt is in one episode for about 3 minutes purely so he can die, but this is the scene.

so like. lisa is CAPABLE of interacting with a man she’s dating in a way that looks like they’re dating, versus. this.

so that’s that point. we’re at season six and we’ve already gone through every long term relationship with a woman dean’s been in. but let’s get really technical! let’s go through bad boys and after school special and amara to boot. 

in bad boys, robin is dean’s first real crush when he’s fifteen or so. first crush being when you’re 15 rather than in elementary or middle school? gay behavior (joke). let those among us who have not had a straight crush as a teen because they were the first person to be nice to us throw the first stone! and that’s what it boils down to for me. it’s the first time dean’s had ANY stability, and he relishes it. it would not surprise me if she’s his first real friend. she’s definitely his first real NORMAL friend. she asks him what HE likes, what HE wants to do with his life. and that’s totally new for dean! to have choices and to have his wants given consideration instead of just having expectation after expectation loaded onto him.

it does not surprise me that dean, who’s been taking a masterclass in repression and masculinity since the tender age of four, dates robin. it would not surprise me if he dated robin and was gay. of course he’s going to throw himself 100% into a relationship with a girl when he knows he’s at an age where boys are supposed to be skirt chasers, when he meets a girl and she’s NICE to him and KNOWS him like literally no one else does. all of this accompanied by the “i am a boy and have positive feelings for someone who’s a girl this MUST be romance this MUST be a crush” like. this is going to get into overshare territory for a moment i apologize but As A Lesbian when i was 15/16 i actively had crushes on girls and rational-ed them away as Girl Best Friends :) while telling everyone that the feelings i had for my boy best friends were crushes aksdkfkndf. repressed gay people are stupid and dean is MUCH more repressed than me aged 16. so. robin box ticked. 

after school special: jail for dabb jail for dabb for a thousand years i know. trust me i know. BUT. 17 year old dean who’s fully pulled on the leather jacket and womanizer persona, who doesn’t talk to anyone in his class and just hangs out in janitor closets making out with a girl who thinks his persona is hot. and when she tries to get close to him, to form an emotional connection, he panics and self sabotages. which. yes. peak straight man behavior. i’m not arguing that this little characterization bit is the pillar upon which gay dean rests, i’m saying if you’re inclined, you can nudge it into gay kid going “oh no this is too much responsibility i gotta get out of this” behavior. and i’m inclined!

amara: the amara stuff is so. hdnfdkf. it’s this primordial connection or whatever stronger than dean and amara both and yet dean’s still able to buck it a few times for [drumroll........] cas! + i don’t have any of the posts on hand but i DO agree with the whole vibe of. “i would fuck the embodiment of my destruction and horrors and failings because my self loathing is THAT strong”. also: gay af for the being of destruction with an immutable pull on you and towards you to say i will give you your greatest desire and then give you your mommy back and dip.

and then there’s the various one night stand stuff. i don’t have the comprehensive list on hand, but off the top of my head these are times when dean has sex scenes that are given huge focus:

when he comes back from hell and everyone’s gently asking if he’s fine and he’s like could a guy who wasn’t fine do THIS [tries to sleep with a bartender and or angel]. when bobby dies and dean’s hardcore mourning and hardcore drinking to the point where i think his drinking is acknowledged for one of a true handful of times in the series. just checked the transcript for that one. the morning after:

DEAN: Ugh.

SAM: You look like crap.

DEAN: Yeah, well, I feel worse than I look. I do recommend the Cobalt Room, by the way. Awesome night. Although I think I'm getting too old for this.

which. again. normal straight man commitmentphobe hitting his 30s and going hmmm.... perhaps real connections would be nice? but that doesn’t contradict gay dean at all, it slots in. also this is season 7. season 7 and he’s too old for this. top of my head i can think of two more similar instances: s11 baby when he groans and goes “mistakes were made”, s13 advanced thanatology when cas is dead and he’s FULL ON grieving so hard that sam takes him to a strip club. and again. he over does it. again he throws himself too hard to the coping vices and when he wakes up he’s tired and sore and has a headache. the other time he gets laid is endverse, which uh. is basically dean in 24/7 mourn drink sleep with someone mode. there are like... a handful of times he has sex For Fun, enough to count on one hand. the rest are all real easy to slap the label PERFORMANCE or COPING WITH MOURNING on.

obviously all of these points go either way - you could absolutely interpret them as legit attraction to women. you can interpret them as legit attraction to women while these instances are still coping/performance. but for me personally they all end up on the gay column instead of the bi column. um. end manifesto i think.

[spooderboyandtincan]

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

Chapter 2

There’s a spider on the ceiling.

Peter can barely make out its eight gangly legs through a blur of tears. He feels some sort of bond with it- not only because of the DNA they share- but because they’re both alone. Then again, the spider has probably spent its entire life in this room, and Peter’s only been here- on a whole different continent- for a good couple of hours.

Maybe it’s just the jet lag. According to literally anyone who’s known him at all- he gets adorably grumpy when he hasn’t gotten his beauty sleep (Tony’s words, not his.)

Who does he think he’s kidding? He’s homesick, he’s alone, and he really, really misses Tony. Misses him as in the his heart is literally being torn apart sort of missing. He wishes he’d considered how his severe separation anxiety might play a part in this when he’d still had a choice.

Peter chokes on a whine- the one that forces its way out of his throat until he’s full on sobbing and gasping for breath.

He scrambles for his phone on the nightstand. He needs Tony, he needs him, like a fish needs water. He fumbles with the lock screen and desperately taps on Tony’s icon (a picture of Tony holding a proudly displaying a mug that reads “Number 1 Iron Dad.”) It rings once, twice-

“Pete? How’s it going, kiddie?” Tony’s voice, so gentle, so full of love and concern- he already knows something’s wrong, of course, because his Dad Senses are off the charts- makes the tear in his heart rip open.

“Tony,” he sobs. “Tony. I don’t- I can’t, I can’t do this. I wanna go home, Tony.”

“Whoa, hey, it’s okay Petey, breathe for me okay?” He can hear, just barely over his sobs, that Tony is pacing, can hear that his breathing is just a bit too fast, and Peter feels awful for freaking him out, but just can’t stop crying.

“‘M so sorry,” he wails, “‘M so sorry. I-I wanna go home, I want you Tony.” He grasps his pillow tightly and buries his face in it, trying to stifle his sobs, pretending that Tony is there, wrapping his arms around him, kissing his hair, rocking them back and forth.

“I know, baby, I know,” Tony croons, “Everything’s gonna be okay, we’re okay. Right now I just need you to take a deep breath, buddy- in, two-three, out, two-three, okay?” Tony demonstrates for him, taking exaggerated inhales and exhales, which are probably benefiting him as much as they are Peter. “You’ve got this, Pete, I know you do.”

“I miss you, Tony,” Peter whispers after a few seconds of shaky breathing. “I wanna go home.” He feels so immature, begging Tony to fly across the Atlantic in the dead of night just because he’s a little homesick.

Tony, however, seems to consider his request very seriously. “Do you want me to fly out? I could be there in a few hours.”

Peter almost laughs, imagining Tony arriving to the hotel at daybreak, dressed only in sweatpants and a stained AC/DC t-shirt. It’s actually not a bad idea- Tony could act as a chaperone, they could explore the city together, make another precious memory.

“Yeah, um, that-that would be great, Tony,” he sniffs, wiping the wetness of his cheeks. “A-are you sure? I don’t wanna, like, make you, there’s probably Iron, um, Iron Man things, I don’t-”

“Pete, listen to me,” Tony interrupts, voice again so impossibly gentle. “Nothing- nothing- is more important to me than you, understand? I’m here for you. Always”

Peter smiles wetly, relaxing back into the covers, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I know. Tony?”

“Yeah, bud?

“Can-can you, um, talk? Please?”

“‘Course I can, Pete. What about?” Tony says fondly. The idea that his voice can bring such comfort to this sweet kid makes him feel all… schmoopy.

“Anything. I just… wanna hear your voice, s’all.” He tugs the covers up and curls into a ball, resting the phone on the pillow next to his ear.

“I’ve got you, bud,” Tony says. I miss you too. “Oh, you’ve gotta know what DUM-E did today….”

Peter feels himself relaxing as Tony talks about his day. It’s not just the words that soothe him, but the familiar sound of his warm voice that’s full of such love and affection. His thoughts begin to wander as he drifts into a barely conscious haze, but the voice remains steady and present in his mind.

Tony is quick to notice that Peter is on the precipice of slumber and wakefulness, and is just as quick to provide the last bit of reassurance Peter needs to fall asleep. “Sweet dreams, buddy. I love you,” he murmurs.

Just before Peter slips away, he finds himself slurring, “Love you too.”

Tony stays on the call for a solid ten minutes after Peter conks out, listening to the steady whoosh of his breathing against the speaker. Before he finally makes himself hang up, he whispers a quiet, “‘Night, Petey. I’ll be there before you know it.” Tony leaves for the airport at daybreak, not able to spend another second in that horribly empty penthouse. The absence of Peter’s presence is tremendously obvious, and Tony finds himself desperately trying not to imagine the unimaginable.

~~~~~

With a pilot on-call 24-7, and without the hassles of a public airport, he’ll be back with Peter around early afternoon.

Thank god.

He steps out of the Cadillac, barely noticing the blistering wind and the tiny snowflakes biting at his cheeks in his haste to board the plane. He greets the pilot- Allison, he thinks- with a nod, but she gestures to stop when he moves towards the stairs.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark!” she says over the howling wind. “We just can’t fly in this weather!”

To hell with that, Tony thinks. “When’s it letting up?”

“I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Stark,” Allison says apologetically. “Not for a few days at least.”

Tony activates the suit with a simple tap of his watch, the nanobots rushing over him within seconds. Allison gasps and jumps back, gaping as he rockets into the air.

He’s been flying for a good 50 seconds before a neon red warning lights up the HUD.

“Boss,” F.R.I.D.A.Y says, tone filled with caution. “The wind is blowing at a speed of 78 mph. I must advise that you return to the ground immediately, or you run the risk of losing control of the suit.”

Tony curses loudly. Just his luck, really. “How high is the risk?”

“89%, boss.”

“So, not all that bad,” he chuckles.

Then, F.R.I.D.A.Y reminds him how devastated Peter would be if anything happened to him.

Tony returns to his car on foot and pulls out his phone to call Peter.

~~~~~

Peter basks in the sunlight outside of a bustling café, sipping from a cup of hot chocolate. He’s ordered a chocolate croissant, and added the tasteless protein powder Tony and Bruce had synthesized to keep up with his spidey metabolism to his mug. Despite the jet lag, he’s eager to explore the city and it’s merits, his enthusiasm only growing knowing that Tony will be here within a few hours.

Feeling pleasantly full, Peter leans back in his chair- it’s an armchair, on a stool, and it’s driving him nuts, he loves it- and beams at Ned, who lounges next to him in an identical chair. “Dude,” he says.

“Dude,” Ned agrees.

Peter is grinning, Ned is grinning, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, life is sweet-

Peter’s phone rings.

His first thought is that Tony’s plane has crashed.

His second is one of relief when he realizes it’s Tony who’s calling him.

His third is that his plane has crashed, and Tony’s calling him, mortally wounded, to say goodbye.

Ned stares at him, taking in the panicked look on his face, and mouths You good? Peter shakes his head and scrabbles for his phone.

“Pete?” Tony says as soon as he’s answered. He sounds fine, at least. “Hiya.”

“Are you okay?” Peter asks first, because he knows that even if Tony sounds like he’s fine, that doesn’t mean he is.

“Yeah. Yeah, Petey, I’m just fine, I promise,” Tony assures him. Peter relaxes in his chair, flashing Ned a quick thumbs up, because knows Tony would never lie to him, especially not if he was hurt. “How’re you doin’?”

Peter’s face lights up. “Oh, great! There are like, dogs everywhere here, even in the restaurants, and I saw this German Shepherd eating like- dog ice cream or something? And I got this super good chocolate croissant where we’re having breakfast. Y’know, I really thought the jet lag would be super bad but I’m not like, tired at all yet!”

“Aw, buddy, that’s great, I’m glad you’re havin’ a good time,” Tony says, voice dripping with fondness. “You’re drinking enough water, staying hydrated and all that, right?”

“Yup! Are you?”

Tony scoffs. “‘Course I am. Hafta set a good example n’ shi- stuff.” Peter snorts. He knows Tony does his best not to curse around his- and he quotes- “young, unsullied ears" but he ends up failing quite a lot.

“Which reminds me bud, how’s Ted?” Peter’s best friend’s health has pretty much no correlation with cursing, which makes the teen think that Tony has a specific reason for asking about him. He decides not to bring it up though.

“It’s Ned,” he sighs in mock frustration. And he’s good, he’s right next to me! I guess I didn’t tell you yesterday, but the hotel guy put us into two different rooms ‘cause they had extra or something and we didn’t realize ‘til we got to our rooms.” He sighs again then, for real, his good mood evaporating.

Tony’s Dad Senses pick up on it instantaneously. “Not ideal, huh?” he says gently, which earns him a small laugh from the kid. “D’you want me to talk to them?”

Peter nods sheepishly, then realizes Tony can’t see him. “Yeah. Thank you,” he says in a small voice, embarrassed that the genius is going to all this trouble just because he’s a little lonely. “Are you gonna be here soon?” he asks then, because he misses Tony, misses him just like he knows Tony is missing him.

Tony clears his throat. When he speaks, the guilt in his voice could rip him in half. “About that, buddy, well- Jesus, Pete, I’m so sorry. The, uh, the wind is too dangerous for me to fly over, and it’s not letting up ‘til around Monday. I’m so sorry, kiddo.”

Peter’s heart sinks. “Oh,” he says numbly.

He hears Tony lurch up. “Hey, Petey- shit, I’m so sorry, buddy. I- you know what, fuck it, I’ll fly over anyway, I-”

“No! No, I’m okay, I’m fine!” Peter says, wincing silently at the forced cheeriness in his voice, and knowing that Tony has seen right through.

“Hey, hey, buddy, it’s okay, I’ll be perfectly safe-”

“You can’t,” Peter pleads, desperate to keep Tony safe. “Please, Tony, you can’t, you’ll crash, or-”

“Whoa, Petey, deep breaths,” Tony interrupts, voice gentle. “I’m right here, I’m fine, you hear me?” He waits for Peter’s breathing to resume a steady rate, then says, “Bub, I won’t fly over if it’s not safe, I promise.”

Peter sighs. He’s relieved beyond belief that Tony is keeping both feet on the ground where he’ll be safe- he better be- but he misses the billionaire more than ever.

“And hey, who knows, maybe the wind’ll let up in a few hours!” Tony chuckles. Sobering a little, he says, “If the weather is on schedule, I’ll be there on Monday, 6 am, sharp.”

Peter prays he will. “I miss you, Tony,” he mumbles- he feels childish, knowing that he’s just begged the man to stay in New York, and now is just making him more miserable knowing that he’s miserable.

“I miss you too, Petey,” the genius murmurs back, voice filled with sorrow.

“Peter!” The phone nearly flies out of Peter’s hand as Mr. Harrington taps on his shoulder. He gasps a little, and though his teacher doesn’t seem to notice, Tony sure does, his gentle voice turning harsh with barley contained panic. “Who was that, Pete? Are you okay?”

“Um-” he tries.

“Come on, now! The bus is almost here, I can see it around the corner!” Mr. Harrington says loudly, and abruptly struts off, frantically waving down the bus that is already stopping.

“Peter!” Tony exclaims.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, it was just Mr. Harrington,” he rushes to reassure him. Tony breathes out a heavy sigh of relief. “Uh, the bus is here, I- I have to go.” He hurries to catch up with his best friend.

“I love you,” Tony says. “I love you so much, Pete, stay out of trouble, be safe.”

He doesn’t want to say goodbye. Neither of them do.

“I love you, Tony,” says Peter. “I’ll be safe, don’t worry about me!”

And with that, the call ends.

[shtern-and-art]

"Skeppy will probably cry" "Bad will probably cry". Bish, screw, that I am crying!!!

This whole thing was bloody gorgeous and I wasn't expecting that ending. I had no clue what ending to expect but that was definitely better than any I could have hoped for. Forest spirit to soulmate your honour!

I was terrified that you were gonna leave it at the point where he loses the spirit and becomes mortal again. If you had I would be actively sobbing!!!! And oh my god, the art!!! I still can't get over how wonderful your style is.

Imma ask fun things because if I don't I'll sit in a puddle of emotion all night:

What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it? Poor Skeppy trying to answer 101 questions about something he doesn't really use XD.

Is no one concerned that the odd couple from a town they never name has a pet wolf??

Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while. Find hidden creeks and befriend bears?

Does Bad still have a connection to nature and animals, like are creatures naturally more trusting of him?

Do they ever visit the og town again?

Does Skeppy still cause absolute chaos in other towns or has he learnt his lesson and only causes minor trouble now?

Does Bad ever try and study again? If he did what would he study and would Skeppy try to study as well?

Does Skeppy steal? I dunno, he just give off the vibe of a naughty lil trickster who'll pocket something if the owner refuses to sell it him.

Immediately after leaving the forest what the first 'argument' they have (not including the car one)?

Would they ever ride horse? If yes, how terrified would Skeppy be?

Skeppy falls outta tree. I don't know why but my mind keeps telling me that this man has great balance until he climbs trees. They are his mortal enemy and Bad finds this both hilarious and terrifying because he is going to hurt himself.

I had waaaaay more questions than I intended to have. My bad '^_^ but this story was way too much fun to read and you are entirely to blame for making it so engaging!

Make sure to take care of yourself and do stretches after and during drawing. You don't wanna hurt yourself <3

AaaaI’m so glad you liked it! :D And, dang, man, I cried while writing that part too :D

And I promised a nice ending for the main story, I did, and this one also makes the most sense narratively! For the story I wanted to tell, at least. Bad can’t really become human again, he’s changed to much. He can only move on, and do something with what he is, and has. And he did! :D That’s really nice and inspiring, this story will always have a place in my heart, heheh <3

Being a guardian spirit connected to a person and all, Bad may be not as strong as before, but he can’t die unless Skeppy dies first. And Skeppy can do that, but he’s pretty sturdy, and his lifespan operates on a whole other scale than human ones. And Bad knowing Skeppy’s real name balances it all out, makes them equal in the power and influence they have over each other.

So hellyeah, soulmates for the win :DDD

I’ll answer all questions under the cut, and this close up from one of the pages!

1) What's the first tech thing Bad will buy and how annoying will he be about it?

Probably a pager! Because it’s a more feasible thing to get than a wholeass computer Bad actually wanted :D An it means Skeppy will have to get one too, and that Bad will be having the time of his life texting him and everyone he can get a number from, even if they’re still in the room with him.

Poor Skeppy indeed, he can learn to appreciate the pagers, and later phones, too, and computers, but he really has 0 idea on how it all works and why Bad is so fascinated by it all.

2) Rat and regular people

Oh, she can shapeshift, just like Bad! If they’re out with people around, she takes form of a puppy, and Bad can pass her off as a weird mix breed rescue doggo.

3) Do they immediately go over to a different town or do they wander for a while?

Oh, since they have no end destination in mind, they can ride around for a bit, go visit some cool places and roadside attractions. Sadly, Skeppy is probably not spiritually or morally ready to full on befriend wild bears yet, and they do need money for gas and snacks. So, at some point they will have to stop somewhere and find work – at least for a bit, to save up. Life’s gonna be a bit complicated with all that, until Skeppy figures out his treasure-finding abilities :DD

4) Bad and nature and animals

He is definitely still in tune with all wildlife! Even more – Bad could become a proper guardian spirit for Skeppy in part because, in a way, Skeppy himself is part of the nature.

So yeah, Bad can understand animals (and plants) and communicate with them; they’re just more free to not take his shit, and Bad’s emotions do not “possess” them unless he makes an effort to do so.

He doesn’t like doing it, tho.

5) Do they ever visit the og town again?

Hm, I think they will completely forget about it for a while, until, like, 30+ years later they will be going somewhere, and find themselves around those parts. And they try to not appear too often in the areas they’ve spent a lot of time in already (they can be pretty recognizable, and also barely show signs of aging). But it’s been a long time, and the town’s really different now… So they make a stop, and spend a day there. They walk the unfamiliar streets between the new buildings, check out the popular hiking trail, the advertisements for hot springs and winter activities. The old cinema is still there, and is hosting an all-night marathon of classic horror movies of the last century.

Bad and Skeppy leave the town after sunset – the day was nice, but they have nothing more to do there. They ride through the forest on a well paved road, with radio playing something barely above the whisper. And in the dark of hot summer night, Bad can see the white stag running between the trees alongside their car. Shadows dance over the shimmering light of it’s fur.

Somewhere after the towns border, the stag disappears back in the forest. But the air in the car stays light and fresh, saving the smell of old pines and dry leaves all though the night.

6) Skeppy and chaos

Well, after the whole mess in the main story, Skeppy definitely learned some lessons, especially about not being a dick :D

But the thing is – he can’t really help the fact that things tend to stir up around him a lot. He naturally brings in chaos into everything, because he is, in part, a personification, or an outlet for it in the world. And so, to feel, well and good, and himself Skeppy gotta do stuff that disrupts balance, and creates some mayhem. And in gave him a lot of trouble in early life, but in the course of the main story he learned that he can chose were he lets that chaos to take hold, learned what can come of that chaos, apart from utter misery.

Like, where it can help dismantle something destructive, and where – bring in the more positive change, that was already brewing, possible, but is stagnant for some reason.

Soooo, I can’t say Skeppy causes only minor chaos in his life, but he sure learns even more about not being a dick :DDDD

7) The studying

I think Bad will want to get a higher education at some point, because he wanted to, and because it’s already new millennia and all that. Bet he’ll go for something very technical and/or literature. Maybe he’ll start by piking up some classes in small time colleges, when they stop in one place for a while, and later get into an online program, because why not.

Skeppy is not a college guy at all. He’ll listen to Bad talk about it, read textbooks if he wants to, can research stuff, buuut going to classes and doing homework is definitely not his thing.

8) Stealing

Well, you’re right, Skeppy can and will steal stuff out of spite! And will be scolded by Bad for it, and will not feel (that) sorry about it. But real stealer between them will be Bad himself :D

It’s just… he has the corvid tendencies, and a hoard (a box) of sentimental mementos from different people and events, and the thrill of stealing something small and harmless is very exciting. Bad is very proud of his little collection. Skeppy finds it very adorable, a bit hypocritical, and kinda creepy. Like, that pretty box he gifted Bad at some point is now full of stuff like:

- pressed flower from the clearing they had a picnic at on their anniversary

- the button the waitress lost that one day the storm caused a black out in the whole town

- some small animal bones

- couple pretty rocks Bad stole from Skeppy’s pockets

- penny that was once glued to the ground

- a handful of teeth people (and not people) lost in fights with Bad

- pen from some fancy hotel

- rainbow dash keychain that belonged to a child

- the list goes on

9) Argument

Oh, that same day they’ll fight over whether they should stay at the really crappy and suspicious looking motel, or go sleep in a perfectly fine forest near the road. Ironically, Bad wanted to try out the motel (because, yay, first time spending the night back in civilization), and Skeppy was the one insisting on sleeping in nature (because the motel looks like it could give you 10 diseases if you even stand near it, and sleeping in the forest is kind of nice, and means they can cuddle).

10) Horses

The guys will probably ride them at some point. Well, Bad will ride, and Skeppy will sit on his horse and hope it knows what to do and where to go, because trying to make this giant thing do something seems dangerous. If they’ll have to actually go somewhere fast, Skeppy will not survive that day, his butt (and legs) will be dead for days to come.

And riding with Bad on one horse may sound romantic and nice, but all romance dies when the gallop starts.

F.

11) Skeppy and climbing

Skeppy is more down to earth kind of guy, more of a “rocks and caves” kind of creature, real-life lizard person or something. Up on the trees and in the air – not really his element, yeah. But it doesn’t mean that Skeppy will accept this fact easy. The embarrassment of never managing to safely make it down a tree is too strong, he just has to do it all over again, and again. And again. Because, clearly, he was distracted this time. And the time before that Bad was teasing him, and it “disrupted his flow”. And, really, maybe these trees here just do not like Skeppy much, and make him slip a lot. Yeah.

So, more often than not, if Skeppy climbs a tree, he will not stop climbing it until he falls, or the tree ends. Bad had to take him off high branches couple times, forcefully, because, of course, Skeppy was sitting there for 2 hours just to properly enjoy the sunset. He can climb down at any point, he just Choses not to. The view is amazing. The bark is literally part of his skin now, not because he holds on tight, no, he’s just Than Much one with the nature )<

---

Don’t apologize for the questions! It’s always so fun to answer them, and it makes me think more about stuff I may have skipped, or didn’t think about before. It’s really nice :3c

Again, thank you for the ask, and for being here for this story! <3

(And I’ll try setting timers for rest breaks while I draw, mb that will help)

---

In The Dark - masterpost

[spacedikut]

“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 325 Spoiler Analysis: United As One

The week has passed and so has summer.  Damn...  At least Shonen Jump’s got my back.  And Deku is finally welcome home thank god.  Now, give this kid a damn good meal, sleep, and a motherfreaking bath already.  NGL, this week has been busy for me and I’m tired AF, so I think I’ll only go over the parts that stuck out to me:

Man, god bless Kota for running up to Izuku to help him!  This kid has been through so much yet he still decided to run up to Izuku to help him.  He’s sobbing his eyes out too 😭.  I’m pretty sure he’s apologizing for not moving during the Muscular fight (in Kota’s defense, Izuku would’ve probably died if not for Kota) and he’s telling Izuku that “I am here” (OF COURSE HE SAYS THOSE WORDS) so Izuku doesn’t need to cry anymore.  And to top it all off, Kota calls Izuku “Nii-chan” which I’m pretty sure means older brother 😭❤️ If Horikoshi brings Eri in next week, I’m going to cry waterfalls dammit

The Fox Lady is so kind and pretty dammit Horikoshi give her a name already!  She’s so happy to see Deku again and thanks him for saving her.  Even calls him “Mr. Crybaby Hero” 😭  The way she picks him up like a small child is both sweet and funny too ☺️ I await the fanart!

A-AND THEN SHE AND KOTA HUG DEKU 😭💚💚💚💚

On a more serious note, the Fox Lady mentions that she got rejected from a lot of evacuation centers because they don’t accept mutant types like her.  Of course discrimination still exists in this world.  Of freakin’ course.  Just like in the real world...  And considering that Horikoshi mentioned that Shoji would have a role in the future and also show his face finally in some interviews (Horikoshi also teased that he wanted to give Shoji a bigger story YEARS ago), I have a feeling this subject will be brought up again in the future.

The Old Star Man from the first chapter/episode who encourages Deku to be a hero returns this chapter to give a big speech to the crowd.  This guy is a real one ✊.  Basically, he says that the crowd needs to shut up and understand what’s going on for a hot minute.  That everyone projected All Might’s “Perfect Heroness” onto the every other hero that they all forgot that Heroes are just people at the end of the day.  If the people don’t support the heroes still fighting now, they’re screwed.  Ultimately, it’s the civilians who have to save the heroes when they’re hurting.  Not just other heroes.  Horikoshi, please give this man a name too, he’s long deserved it.

Then the boy in the All Might shirt who’s been protesting for the past 2 chapters says something reasonable for once.  His views on Deku have been mixed around thanks to all the things that have been rumored about Deku on the internet and word of mouth.  Which kinda justifies his anger and doubt, but he still should’ve have been a jerk to Deku and Ochako.  

Deku finally speaks a full sentence declaring that he and his friends and mentors will make everything ok again.  I can’t wait to see that promise be fulfilled, my son 💚

We change focus to Shoto, Endeavor, and Hawks (who are confirmed to have been outside the barrier for the past few chapters; I was wondering about that).  They’re finally being allowed into UA for now.  Unfortunately the 3 of them probably would’ve caused more discourse if they entered while the civilians were rioting.  Endeavor and Hawks from the press release and just Shoto existing really.  Please let them stay there permanently.  

Gotta say that Endeavor looks so freaking tired throughout this whole thing.  The Toya thing + The Deku thing must be weighing extremely heavy on him.  I do feel bad for him honestly.  

Hawks tells Endeavor how OFA has, in a way, connected everyone together.  All Might to Deku to Class 1-A back to Deku to Ochako to the people.  And if the people can truly care for others, then the future will be bright and heroes will have all the time in the world just like Hawks wanted at the very beginning of his story.

There’s this really beautiful double page spread (teased in one of Vol. 31′s extras) of the civilians offering their umbrellas to the kids.  Kirishima’s crying happy tears, Kota and Mineta are running up to Deku, the All Might Shirt dude is offering Deku his umbrella, Kaminari is smacking Bakugo over the head 😂, Iida’s holding Deku’s hand to guide him, and INKO FINALLY GETS TO BE WITH HER SON THANK THE LORD 💚😭 

Shoto 💙 Our resident pretty boy is looking at this scene and ultimately decides that he and Endeavor are going to stop Dabi together.  He decided this before back in the hospital, but I think his decision is more final here.  I really need him to properly reunite with Deku though and I’m sure they have A LOT to talk about.

AND WE FINALLY GET TO PROPERLY SEE AIZAWA AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AND HE’S SO HANDSOME 🖤 MY MAN IS LOOKING GOOD WITH AN EYEPATCH?!?  And he does have a prosthetic robot leg and apparently Mirko does too.  God, he looks so tired, but he’s so proud of his kids Imma cry again 😭

Anyway, it’s looks like he’s still recovering from the war in the hospital and apparently also there to help with the whole Kurogiri situation, who’s been transferred to a research lab.  It seems like Aizawa’s trying to bring back Shirakumo somehow.  If they do, I wonder if Shirakumo will even still be alive.  We can assume that he might still be alive since he did tell the Heroes about the hospital, but it’s uncertain.  It would be nice to have that sweet soul back 🌤

Also, the Heroes are aware that Himiko Toga’s still out there and they’re taking extra persuasions to make sure she isn’t one of the refugees.  They also know her limits too, so that’s good.

The last panel is of All Might standing outside of UA, but his back is turned against them.  He has this uncertain look on his face too.  I honestly can’t read it for the life of me.  I gotta wonder why he isn’t walking in there now that everything seems to be ok.  Maybe he doesn’t want to accidentally cause more problems?  The public did start to hate him with the whole “I Am Not Here” sign on his statue in Kamino...  Deku does need him though.  Ugh, I’m so worried for this man.

And I do have a theory.  It’s a long shot and a dark one: What if Toga found Stain while running off and they teamed up together.  Then Stain found and took All Might captive and Toga took some of All Might’s blood to transform into him and now she’s the one outside of UA.  I can’t say if All Might is dead or not.  I really, really, REALLY, don’t want him to be dead.  Stain says that All Might is the only one truly worthy of being a Hero, so I doubt he would actively kill All Might.  But, god there’s so many death flags surrounding this man.  I don’t even know if he’s going to make it through the entire series tbh.

The end chapter teaser says “The rain continues on...” so I doubt this pain is over.  We have a bit of a calm, but I am so anticipating the next storm.

Me waiting for even more pain:     

[thanatophobia-thoughts]

It’s June 27th!

It’s my father’s birthday, and it’s the 1 ½ year anniversary of this blog. Well, June 26th is, but that was Sunday.

I told you all I’d provide an update on where this blog is heading, and right now I have to say, we’ll be continuing with the reblogging, but I hope to include some scattered new things as it goes on. Why am I delaying this, and why do I not anticipate a full return to the 3 New Things anytime soon?

1.      New Job Fatigue and New Job Schedule. There is no time for me currently to write at work, and as with starting a new job – as well as resuming gym activity since it is On-Site – I have been Tired. I anticipate it evening out soon, but I’m not there yet.

2.      Lack of Inspiration/Ideas. Not a complete empty well, I have thoughts and I have jotted them down in my notes area, but it’s not the overflowing well it used to be. I’ve covered a lot here already.  

3.      Other Things. I’m working on other writing projects, which take up the limited time I have for myself. I’m also working on new friendships, and old ones, but new ones are always a bit more tricky. My current fanfiction project is taking priority, if I’m honest.

So, I’m going to continue to work on reblogging things from the past that I have liked, or that I think are helpful, and try to tackle some of the things on my list. Some things I’ve jotted down include the “every solution has problems” truth, Roe v Wade/Abortion (I am Pro-Choice, and I accept Pro-Life individuals who don’t want to legislate Pro-Life – I get it, my dad’s that way, he was adopted and he has all the Feels, but he’s not going to get in the way of anyone’s bodily autonomy), The Fountain Movie, Patch Adams movie, dealing with resurgences of the fear (‘cause oh god it has happened), and a few other things scattered about on the list.

So I am here.

I love and support you all

Life is a wonderful thing to have and I hope to have it for a very long time, but I am continuing to explore death acceptance and my fear of death, which I can say has blessedly gone down since starting this blog.

This blog has really introduced me to so many things, and continues to promise me things to look into (I gotta watch that Ricky Gervais “After Life” show, still, but I know of it because of this), and ways to help myself, and hopefully pass it on to all of you.

I am sorry I am currently not making this blog a priority for new information, I hope you’ll find these reblogs useful, funny, tear-jerking, or healing. 

And the reblogs will stop either when I announce it, or, well…when I can’t.

Or when I sleep in really late some Sunday and don’t set it up in time before I work on Monday because I got distracted.

<3

[willadisastercry]

Part 1 of the: ‘Lance has epilepsy and gives everyone an absolute heart attack’ series

tw: epileptic content, migraine symptoms including aura symptoms, seizure activity

also (((( I do not have epilepsy but I am familiar with the condition from first hand experience with a friend, the content described consists of specific symptoms they experienced at one time or another due to several other outside factors and are used to convey a fictional circumstance. Nothing of ill intent here to belittle the condition!! ))))

Lance managed to successfully hide the fact that he has epilepsy from the doctors at the Garrison, telling them the hospitalizations on his file were for fibril seizures and that he’d grown out of them. His parents only let him do it because his condition had been under control for a while after he found the right balance of medication once he’d stopped growing. He hadn’t had a grand mal seizure in years. But he’d only had so many pills on his person when he got thrown into this mess of being a juvenile defender of the universe... and he’s officially run out.

Lance woke up from his nap with a start and winced.

His head was throbbing and the strings of light that flashed before him despite the darkness of his room were nauseating so he pressed his eyes shut, maneuvering shakily into a sitting position to try and steady his breathing.

His headache hadn’t gotten much better in the time he’d spent trying rest. He’d finally managed to fall asleep only to spend it thrashing around and getting tangled in his sheets, kicking them to the floor after he’d worked up enough of a sweat.

He knew this type of headache. By the time Shiro called it quits for training earlier his eyes had felt so strained and his brain had pulsed so angrily within his skull that when he blinked a blur had appeared at the bottom of his field of vision, like he’d had something in his eye making it tear. Except he didn’t.

It was a blind spot of blurred vision from the aura migraine his headache was developing into. But Lance simply wasn’t ready to admit what was coming next so he stubbornly convinced himself that he could just sleep it off.

Because he would be fine. The only other activity he’d had was earlier in the training session when he nearly face planted after succumbing to an absent seizure he’d been trying to fight. It was his turn to spar with the simulated sentry but his feet remained firmly planted underneath him, his mouth frozen in a slanted gape.

Hunk was at his side immediately trying to break the spell, assuring the team he had just gotten lightheaded and needed a minute. It lasted for thirty seconds tops but the amount of effort it took to finally make his feet work left him briefly confused and disoriented.

“You know you need to tell someone, right?” Hunk asked worriedly as his grip on his friends shoulder tightened.

All he could do was nod and promise to tell Shiro and Allura later. It took another minute to convince Hunk that he was fine to finish training, that he was out of the spell and felt a lot better.

But that was admittedly a huge mistake.

Because now his aura migraine had gone from mild and manageable to very concerning. He only ever saw flashes of color or light before he had a seizure and he didn’t even have rescue medicine with him so there would be no preventing it now.

He needed Hunk. He needed to get to his room before the tingling sensation that was making its way up his arms and legs got any worse.

He swung his legs over the side of his bed and waited while he woke up a bit more to get settled in with the orientation. Before the blood rush making his ears ring dissipated a pins and needles sensation crawled up his neck and his jaw clicked as he fought how it wanted to lock, the slow churn of anxiety in his stomach picking up as his head turned to the side without him wanting it to.

No, nope! Gotta move.

He scooted to the very edge of his bed and planted his feet firmly on the floor.

Your gonna get stuck for who knows how long and by then you could be seizing.

Gotta get up, gotta go.

His legs felt like jelly beneath him when he sent his body up into a standing position, letting the momentum of the push take him stumbling to his door. It whooshed open swiftly before the blood rush that hadn’t even settled from when he sat up in his bed could even dissipate, worsened by standing up so quickly, and he tumbled forward boneslessly. He was just able to snag a hold on the door frame when the bright lights of the hallway assaulted his eyes.

And then before he could even ride the nauseating wave of pain from the sudden exposure to such strong lighting he was met by a solid force that threatened to take him to the ground if they weren’t holding onto his arms so tightly.

“You know you’re supposed to have your eyes open when you walk, right?”

Keith.

It was Keith, it was anyone. Lance could’ve cried he was so happy to have quite literally stumbled upon someone who could help.

The other boy’s hands stayed holding Lance’s arms firmly as he fought his rapidly stiffening neck to attempt to look him in the eyes, wincing when he tried to open them and finding that he literally couldn’t.

“Wait, what’s wrong with you?”

He would’ve replied had it not been for the sudden overwhelming surge of blood from his head to his hands and legs. He was about to pass out, shit.

He fought desperately to wrench his jaws apart to speak, coughing and sputtering through pursed lips at the effort but eventually hearing a click and then launching into the renewed ability before it disappeared again.

“Need to sit, like now,” Lance spat urgently, his face paling almost in sync with his statement.

“The fuck—okay, okay, i’ve got you,” Keith started, Lance’s legs buckling not even a beat later, but his arms were around the other boy’s middle and guiding him to sit against the wall before he could even hit the ground.

He groaned pitifully as his head lolled to the side before it locked into position for the absent seizure he’d postponed, still conscious but frozen and battling the not so fun affects of being so very close to fainting but not actually.

“Lance what’s happening?”

Keith’s voice was pitched higher than before and his words came faster, his hand was on his forehead checking for a fever that wouldn’t be there. They then moved to his cheek and the other his neck, his pulse was strong but fast.

“Can you hear me?”

He could, but his face was stuck in a grimace. He made an annoyed noise through his gritted teeth and managed to flick his hand, Keith taking it up hesitantly.

“If you can hear me, uh, squeeze my hand...” he waited and gasped when Lance squeezed, well attempted to. The absent seizure wasn’t sticking which meant that he was going to have a grand mal like a lot sooner than later. He wanted to cry.

“Do you feel—are you sick? You don’t have a fever...”

He hummed and managed to move his head away and back into place, not really a nod but Keith got the idea.

“Okay... can you speak? Like I don’t know what’s wrong but it seems like—“

“Pillows.”

His jaw clicked again and he bit his tongue as he choked the word out, the taste of iron filling his mouth.

“Pillows? What? Why would...? Shit, wait does that m—“

“Keith... pillows.”

Lance didn’t have to ask again, Keith was in his room tearing the covers off of his bed and snatching up the abundance of pillows on Lance’s bed that would have confused him before but now made perfect sense. When he got back to the hallway Lance hadn’t moved except to lay on his side far from the wall, his face wet with tears.

“H-hunk,” Lance pleaded, his voice barely audible as Keith scrunched up the blankets behind him and then nudged him to pick up his head so he could place his pillow beneath it. He was pretty sure what was about to happen and he was terrified for his friend.

“I... I don’t want to leave you alone like this, your scaring me,” Keith said, the fear in his voice genuine and the care sincere. Lance didn’t have to have his eyes open to know exactly how Keith must look with how distraught he sounded and would’ve been really touched if he weren’t so goddamned scared himself.

“Get Hunk. Go now. Hurry.”

His voice broke on the last word and Keith took off in a dead sprint for Pidge’s workspace where he’d seen him last.

Lance wasn’t sure of how much time passed before darkness washed over him... but it wasn’t darkness, he wasn’t seizing yet... someone was here. With the cover of their shadow he managed to work one eye open to test if it would still be agonizing even with the shade.

It was Shiro. He looked more amused than concerned, but Lance couldn’t blame him.

“Lance?! What the fuck, bud?”

He almost laughed but found he couldn’t even do that, his body was too tense, stiffening up but not in the tonic stage yet because he was still conscious. It was getting close though, the seizure would happen soon but his body relaxed as much as it could knowing that Shiro was here with him and he wouldn’t be alone.

“Like I wanna ask, but then again I also don’t know if I want to know—Lance? Wh-Lance?! Lance what the—shit.”

Lance’s sensitive eyes flew open, wide and unseeing before they rolled back and he let out a strangled whine, head snapping back against the pillow so aggressively that the momentum sent him the rest of his body with it. Now rolled onto his arching back while his limbs straightened and stretched out, his middle rose steadily off the ground against his long legs digging into the floor.

Shiro paled and sat in utter shock for a moment before he seemed to snap right into action, realization hitting him in the gut as he wrangled the younger boy’s rigid form back onto his side, just in time for the drool to flood from his mouth in enough of a quantity to have had him choking.

“You’re okay, Lance. That’s it, you’re okay,” Shiro soothed as he scrambled over to his other side so he could use his body to keep him from rolling onto his back while he corded his hand through his now damp hair and rubbed circles between his tensed shoulder blades, this way he could still keep an eye on his face and where his hands were.

The tonic phase lasted a minute, maybe even more, but that was already too long.

Shiro heard footsteps just as Lance’s body shuddered, the prone boy groaning deeply and gurgling hard on more saliva, his hands now rising with speed towards his face but Shiro was quick to catch the fists before they connected, letting them settle at his neck after he’d stopped the force of what would have been a painful blow.

“No, no, shit!” Hunk ground to a halt and dropped down next to Lance, Pidge there a second later immediately rushing to resituate the pillows where they’d leave him with fewer bruises in the morning.

“When did he start seizing?”

“Uhm, literally a minute ago... well no. He started twitching right before you got here but he’s been stiff for a while... Hunk what’s-what’s wrong with him?”

“Well, nothing’s like wrong with him I guess-I don’t know... he just-he just—“

“He has epilepsy.” Pidge offered and Hunk sighed deeply before continuing, Lance’s twitches not letting up and his grunts getting louder.

“It’s been under control for years, once he’d stopped growing and gotten his medicine right, that’s why he was able to pilot for the Garrison. But he ran out of pills last week, god, I told him to tell you! He’s so stubborn... I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for Hunk, you’re a good friend. I’ll chew him out when he’s, uh, better.”

Pidge squeaked when she caught a boney knee to her side after leaning too close to fix the blankets and Hunk shooed her back protectively.

“How long are these supposed to last...?” Keith asked worriedly as he hovered over the scene.

“Hmm, this is actually kinda long for him, they’re only ever a minute or two,” Hunk frowned.

“It’s probably because he couldn’t properly wane himself off of his medicine... he tried to but he kept getting auras and his arms would tingle and he told me, and I quote, that he needed ‘not tingling arms to shoot a gun’.”

“Well, it’s certainly helpful—“

“Hey, I think it’s ending,” Hunk interrupted as Lance slowly began to wind down into the pillows beneath him with steady shudders but not full on spasming, his eyes fluttering closed a minute later with a few residual twitches every now and then.

“What now?” Shiro asked.

“Now we should probably tell Coran and Allura, we need a new way to stop his seizures and until we do he’s going to keep having them,” Pidge said as she straddled Lance to get on his other side and then pushed him onto his back and laid against his side, nearly on top of him, with her hands in his hair.

“I’ll get them,” Keith stated before running off again, happy for the out because he was still rattled and just not good with the comfort stuff.

“We also need to see if we can rouse him, he’s probably gonna be confused when he wakes up... pressure helps him not panic,” Hunk prompted when he saw Shiro eyeing Pidge’s minstrations with confusion.

Hunk leaned down and started rubbing his sternum with his knuckles and whispering close to his ear.

“Come on hermano, open your eyes. It’s over, it passed. You’re okay now.”

His eyes fluttered open slowly but closed quickly and he winced as he turned his head to the side. Shiro moved to block the light like he had before and the pain seemed to wash away instantly.

Pidge cupped his cheek gently and turned his face back up. When he opened his eyes again it didn’t hurt and he softened back into the pillow... wait pillow, why’d his eyes hurt? He wasn’t in his room and Shiro was leaning over him and staring down into this soul but he was also upside down, what—

“Calm down Lance, you had a seizure. You’re okay now, it’s over, just relax,” Hunk soothed as his face came into view over Lance and he let out a small “oh” before taking a deep breath.

“Hey Pidge,” he said after a while and she smiled into the crook of his arm and he returned the sort of hug.

“Hey, stupid.”

“Ugh, rude. Give a guy a break, will ya?”

“Not until you stop being stupid!”

“Pidge has a point, you can’t just keep stuff like this from us. Coran could’ve helped! And what if we were on a mission and Hunk or Pidge weren’t with you to—“ Shiro stopped himself and sighed.

“You just worried us and the point is you should’ve come to us, but I think you get that now... yeah?”

He nodded sheepishly as Shiro bent down to ruffle his hair.

When he seemed less out of it Hunk pulled him up into a sitting position but he was uncharacteristically weak, even for just getting out of a seizure and slumped back immediately, Shiro quickly filling in behind him and keeping him upright. He squeezed his eyes shut now that his shade was gone and breathed through the dizziness.

“You’re eyes still hurt...? Hm, a migraine that long isn’t good,” Pidge mused sympathetically as she continued to run her hands soothingly through his hair and his face scrunched up in frustration.

“I think we should get him to the infirmary and have Coran check him out,” Shiro said as he shifted behind Lance to hold him better.

“Think you can stand or do you still feel weird?”

Lance shook his head slowly, careful not to move faster than he needed to with his head aching once again.

“That’s alright, I’ll give you a lift.”

Piggy back rides from Hunk are always welcome, but not like this. Lance was sad, also sort of embarrassed but mostly really tired. He wasn’t even aware he’d nodded off until Hunk deposited him onto a cot that Coran had set up in the infirmary.

“Lance! Oh, you must stop scaring us all like this!” Allura urged as Shiro placed a hand on her shoulder to ease her tension.

“Scared the crap out of me...” Keith chimed in, Hunk nudged him in approval for having done so well in handing such a bizarre situation given the circumstances.

Lance assumed that everyone was here but refused to open his eyes, his stomach was in knots and he didn’t want to test the stability of his stomach in front of everyone by trying to be a tough guy. Coran seemed to recognize the wrinkling of his nose and flutter under his eyelids for the internal debate that it was.

“Ah, my boy! You can open your eyes, we’ve turned the lights down considerably and have shaded bifocals—right, sun-glasses, for you to wear so you aren’t in pain.”

Lance opened one eye cautiously. The lights were in fact dimmed but even the muted brightness seemed to make his head throb so he reached for the glasses from Coran, grateful when they took the edge off the ache.

“This is better...” he sighed and curled up under the blanket that had been laid out for him now that he knew it was there, holding his arm out for Pidge to resume her position.

“You’re so cold, what the heck,” she fussed as she rubbed his hands aggressively, hoping the friction warmed them.

“It’s probably a side affect of stoping such a strong medicine cold turkey, you’ve probably felt somewhat ill the past few days too...” Coran provided as he hustled around the infirmary, getting supplies as Allura and her mice resumed typing away on a tablet.

“You should’ve told me you experience seizures regularly! Alteans have a similar phenomenon that’s easy to remedy... it might take some time to find the right balance for you, but I think I have several things that we can try, how does that sound?”

“Sounds good, anything so I can keep piloting Blue...”

“Oh... is that why you didn’t want to tell us?” Shiro asked sadly, “because you thought we’d replace you or forbid you from piloting?”

Lance didn’t answer, he only sunk somehow further into the bed but welcomed Pidge’s tightening grip around his chest and could feel Shiro’s hand on his leg as he sat on the edge of the cot.

“We never would have done that, Lance. We would’ve figured something out, tried everything before it came to that and even then how could we? You’re the blue paladin and there’s nothing that could change that.”

Lance was crying again, thankful he had glasses to cover his tears.

“Thanks, Shiro. S’pretty stupid.”

“Shhh, stop saying that. Only I can call you stupid!” Pidge grumbled.

“Aha, right. Sorry, thanks guys.”

“Don’t thank us, bud, it’s our job.”

[jobrookekarev]

He's Wrapped Around Her Finger

Chapter: 1/1

Words: 3500

Summary: While Jo’s sleeping Alex gets to know his newborn daughter and settles into the role of Dad.

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson Karev, Helena Karev, and Meredith Grey.

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Babies, Baby Care, Fluff, It’s so fluffy I'm going to die, Alex being a Dad, Alex and Jo being smitten with their daughter, Blood Mentioned.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: 3 fanfics in a week who is she! Also I had to Google what color the indicator line on diapers were because I remembered it was yellow at the start, but I didn't remember what color it would turn when it was wet so that how long it’s been since I changed a diaper.

……………………………………………………………………

“Helena Meredith Karev born on November 26th at 5:36 am at 21 inches long and weighing at 8 lb 15 oz., just 1 oz short of 9 lb,” Alex announced as he spoke to Meredith on the phone.

“1 oz. short of 9 lb wow,” Meredith said in astonishment. “How's Jo recovering?”

“She's doing good. She and the baby are asleep right now.”

Alex looks over at the bassinet that was parked next to Jo's bed. Jo slept on her side with one hand in the bassinet on their daughter's chest. Jo’s abandonment issues had come up earlier and Alex noticed she was having a hard time letting Helena out of her sight. Her hand on Helena's chest in the bassinet was how Jo maintained contact with her daughter while getting some much needed rest.

“Good, now promise me you'll never tell Jo that her daughter almost weighed 9 lb. at birth,” Meredith insisted with a little laugh.

“What? Why not?” Alex said confused as he looked over the little note card posted on  Helena's bassinet that listed her weight and other details. “Jo knows how much she weighs.”

“Yeah, Jo knows Helena weighs 8 lb. and 15 oz., but when you say she almost weighs 9 lb it isn’t the same thing. Thinking of your baby as 8 lb vs 9 lb is different. No woman likes to be remembered how big their baby was and how hard it was to push them out unless you want Helena to be an only child.”

“Okay, I promise to say she weighs 8 lb. and 14oz. whenever Jo asks,” Alex said rolling his eyes at Meredith as he watched Jo shift in her sleep so her legs were more apart.

Watching Jo be in excruciating amounts of pain as she labored was hard for him, but he pushed it aside to be there to support his wife. Jo’s pain was to the point of which she was completely out of it, just going through the motions as she pushed their daughter into the world. Alex had watched quite a few women give birth, but it was different because it was Jo. He loved her and he hated seeing her in pain knowing that he had partially caused it. 

When they had discussed having kids, Alex knew it would include a painful labor and that it would be hard on Jo and her body. Despite her training as an OB and numerous birth classes they had gone to, Jo didn't realize she was in labor until she was in active labor and they had to rush to the hospital. Alex knew that because of this experience Jo may not want to get pregnant again. If that was her decision, he would abide by it. Alex was happy because he was so absolutely content with the little girl in front of him. 

“Congratulations, Alex,” Meredith said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“You said that already,” Alex said although he didn't mind hearing it again.

“Yeah well, I'm going to say it again. Have you texted Cristina yet?”

“No, not yet and we haven't talked to too many people, apart from the video call earlier, I’ve just talked to you and my mom. It's hard to find the time. I just keep staring at her, and thank you Meredith for everything.”

“You mean for waking you up so you didn't miss your wife's labor, you're welcome.”

“Yeah that especially,” Alex said as he couldn't help but chuckle as he remembered the chaotic events of that morning. “I'll talk to you later, bye”

“Bye.” 

Alex put away his phone and settled into the uncomfortable chair next to Jo’s bed. He thought that they'd make these chairs more comfortable considering that most second parents and family members usually ended up spending the night there, but apparently not. He would have to check the budget and see if they could upgrade the chairs. Despite how he was no longer the chief of surgery, Alex learned a lot, and he still occasionally found himself reverting to taking care of the business side of the hospital. Alex shuffled around trying to get comfortable but clearly, he was not sleeping in this chair that afternoon.

Alex watched over his girl. He smiled at the thought, his girls, he had a daughter. He had a child of his own and oh how he was in love with her. Helena squealed in the bassinet throwing her arms around and Alex was up in an instant. Her tiny face squished even further as she let out a single cry. Jo stirred next to her and he felt like he was in the middle of a complicated surgery. 

Alex was quick to slip his hand under Helena as he took Jo's hand and put it next to her. He was cautious so as not to wake his sleeping wife and let her get the rest she deserved while also soothing their newborn. As soon as he put down Jo's hand and moved to cradle Helena, he stopped for a moment. Jo sighed but didn't move or wake up and he looked down at Helena who cried out again. Helena spread out her arms and continued to fuss. After a certain number of years, soothing babies became instinctual and Alex started to sway and shush. 

“Shh, Shh, it's okay, Daddy's got you.” Alex smiled down at her as she stopped fussing and opened her eyes to look up at him.

Helena studied him for a moment, staring into his soul in the way only a baby could before she decided this wasn't what she wanted, and cried out again in that little uh fussy cry. 

“Okay, okay,” Alex said, he looked back to the chair before he sat down and laid Helena on his knees. He undid the blanket intending to redo it into a proper swaddle. “Oh, I see what it is.” 

Alex saw the full diaper and the blue line that indicated she had her first wet diaper. He was weirdly proud about it especially as it meant that her kidneys were functioning well and she was hydrated. “Okay, give me a second.”

Alex cradled her close to his chest as he got up and walked over to the drawers where they kept wipes and diapers. He got the supplies and went over to the changing table in the bathroom. He propped the door open in case Jo woke up as he didn't want her to panic when they were gone and got the changing table open.

“You know, I promised your mom I’d do all of these diaper changes since she carried you for nine months, basically built you from scratch, and just now endured quite a few hours of labor with you. She wanted an epidural you know, but she didn’t realize she was in labor. You gotta remind me to tease her about that later, but not until after her stitches heal, and you were eager to get here too huh?” Alex said to Helena as she continued to fuss a little bit more as he quickly changed her and got her settled in a fresh diaper. 

Alex staring down at her as he pulled down the onesie Jo had put on her. He knew Jo like the ‘little turkey’ onesie, but it had buttons and buttons were always a struggle, even for a seasoned Ped’s doctor like he was. Alex resisted the urge to grab the other baby gown or even the one with the zippers as he finally did the last button. 

“There we go, are we happy now?” Alex asked, Helena looked around and was content and wiggled around. He wrapped her up into a proper swaddle before he picked her up again, but she looked up at him and then cried out again, still not happy. “I know, I am not-mom right now aren't I.”

Alex quietly talked to her as he settled her in his arms and walked back into the room. He sat down in the recliner and started to rock back and forth. “I'm not-Mom. I'm not what you want, I know, we don't know each other yet, although you might recognize my voice. I've read you lots of stories while you were still in your mommy's belly. I even did a little bit of singing too, but don't tell anyone around here that.” 

Alex settled into the movement of the chair as he looked down at Helena. She had stopped fussing and stared up at him again, seeming to take him in as she listened to his voice and he took that as a cue to continue. 

“I guess now would be the proper time for an introduction. I'm your dad, most people call me Alex or Dr. Karev around here at the hospital. Your mom calls me Alex too, but she drags it out a little in a way that's pretty adorable. Your Aunt Cristina is going to call me Evil Spawn and your Auntie Mare might do it too. You've met her already, although you probably didn't notice. She was on the video called when you were born, but I remember how you and your mom only had eyes for each other. Your mom and I, we don't have a big bio family, but we do have lots of friends and they're our family. They all love you so much already, especially your cousin Ellis.”

Alex rambled off to her as Helena just watched him, and he took in his daughter. He never really saw familiar features in newborns. They always just looked similar, like babies and not much else. The features really didn’t come in until they were a little older and then you could say they look like one parent or the other. Yet, as Alex looked down at Helena he saw his chin and his crooked lips in the way that she frowned as she cried. She looked like Jo too, she had Jo’s cute little cheeks and her eyes. Although she looked like an even mix of them now, he could tell that she was going to be a little tiny Jo running around their house. They joked about how they'd never be able to say no to their kid, and Alex knew that with just one look from Helena and he would melt like snow in the sun. His daughter would always be the bright spot in his day.

Helena's eyes started to droop, but she would occasionally blink them open. As if she was fighting sleep as much as Jo did. “You are already so much like your mother. She does that same thing too, you know. When we watch movies on the couch with Reese's, you haven't met him yet and he just knows you as the thing that keeps him from sitting on Mommy's lap. It might be a while before you two become friends, but you’ll like him too.” 

Alex rocked her as she fell asleep in his arms and it made him feel some weird sense of accomplishment because his kid fell asleep in his arms. He knew from experience that getting a baby back to sleep was no easy feat. He continued to hold her, not ready to put her back down again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be ready to put her down and he knew why Jo was hesitant to do so as well. He just sat there and rocked his daughter and held her and patted her back. 

“Anyway, Saturday nights are movie nights and your Mommy always curls up in my lap and puts her head on my chest. She always says she'll stay up and watch the whole movie,” Alex said as he leaned closer to whisper to Helena. “But she never does.”

“That's not true,” Jo whispered and Alex looked up to see her smile from where she was curled up in bed. 

She must have been watching them for a little while and he smiled back at her. A sense of relief filled his mind as she had woken up without panicking for the first time and he tried to remain calm as he smiled back at her.

“It is true, you always fall asleep just, like clockwork before the end credits.”

“I didn't fall asleep when we watched that one really bad horror movie.” 

“Yeah because it scared the crap out of you. I had to turn it off because you started crying.” 

“No, we had to turn it off because Reeses wouldn't stop barking at it.”

“Okay Princess,” Alex said, smiling as she raised her eyebrows at him and he chuckled as he got up and walked over to sit on her bed. The second he sat down Jo reached out, and he thought she was going to take Helena, but instead, she smacked the side of his arm. “Hey, I've got precious cargo here.”

“She’s fine and you can't use our daughter as a shield to protect you against my wrath,” Jo teased with a smirk of her own. She carefully sat up and Alex's smile faded as she grimaced when she moved. 

“Is your ice pack still cold? Do you want me to get you a new one or something?”

“No, I think I bled through the pad again.” 

Jo pulled back the blankets and he was relieved to see that there were no bloodstains on the sheets. Jo carefully got up out of bed and Alex put Helena down in the bassinet. 

“No, just hold her, I’ll be fine,” Jo said, waving him off. 

“Jo, let me take care of you,” Alex insisted as he watched Helena for a second to see if she’d fuss before he went over to help his wife. 

Alex put his arm around her and grabbed the IV pole as they took small and wide steps over to the bathroom. Jo let go of his waist as she stepped into the bathroom and grabbed the peri bottle and her other supplies. Alex got out a new ice pad and activated it, shaking it up before he felt it cool in his hand. He handed it to her before she waved him off again. 

“Just let me help you, Jo. I know it hurts you to whip and…”

“Alex,” Jo said, slightly annoyed as she cut him off. “You can change our daughter's diapers, not mine. I got this.”

“Are you sure, because honestly, I don't mind,” Alex argued, he wasn't sure how much she would let him take care of her, but he wanted to do this for her. If she let them. 

“Alex, today multiple people, several of whom are my coworkers, have seen me naked on a bed pushing out a baby. I need a moment of privacy,” Jo said, holding her hand out to block him from coming close.

Alex nodded and took a step back. He made a big thing about covering his eyes and turned around to go back out into the room, bumping into the doorway as Jo laughed behind him. He smiled as it didn't hurt that much and hearing her laugh after her tears earlier felt good. Alex rubbed his forehead as he went back into the room and picked up Helena again, knowing Jo would want to hold her the second she was back in bed. 

Alex looked down at her and smiled, completely smitten. From the moment Jo told him she was pregnant, he was over the moon. He had seen how parents had fallen in love with their child and he felt that love the moment Jo was pregnant. The moment Carina had placed their daughter on Jo’s chest. It was like his heart burst with love and happiness. It was so overwhelming and utterly consuming. He loved his daughter more than he could describe. 

He had taken care of babies his entire life. His mom had started to slip just after Amber turned one so the majority of her care fell to him. He practically raised Amber and Aaron until they were all put in foster care. After Amber got sick and had to go to the hospital and the state finally stepped in. After that, he took care of his mom throughout high school and college up until the day he got the job and flew out to the then Seattle Grace Hospital. Even then he sent money and hired someone to check on her. When it came to his career, he wanted to go into plastics, but somehow he ended up in Peds and he was good there. 

He took care of thousands of babies over the years and in caring for them he loved them. Alex watched their parents love them more than anything in the world, and he got a bit of that love when it came to Meredith’s kids. They were his nieces and nephew and he loved them like they were his own because they were family, but he still didn't experience the kind of love a parent had for their child, until the moment his child was there. It was all he could think about. She was all-consuming in a way that he could just stare at her for hours.

It wasn't until he really succeeded at being a Peds doctor that he knew he could be a dad. Even though it still terrified him. Every injured kid that walked through the door he could see being his kid. He went home to Jo and put his hands on her belly and he worried. Alex worried about all the possible complications, diseases, and injuries that their kids could get. Even now staring down at her, he knew she was perfect. Her APGAR score was a 10, she had good reflexes, and she was eating and wetting her diapers, and she was perfect, but he still worried. He was so lost in thought that he even noticed Jo had come up behind him until she pressed up against him and they stared down at their daughter. 

“She's perfect, Alex,” Jo whispered to him, kissing his cheek. She had always been able to since his worries.

“Yeah, she is,” Alex said as he put his arm around her as they both stared at Helena completely in awe of their daughter.

Jo moved to get back in bed and Alex helped her up, despite how she protested. After she was settled, Alex placed Helena in her arms before Jo could even ask.

“Thank you,” Jo whispered, cradling her close. 

They both continued to stare down at her and Alex sat back down in the chair and scooted closer to their bedside. Helena’s little eyes fluttered open, but she didn't cry as she stared up at Jo who smiled down at her. Completely smitten as well. 

“Yeah, that’s Mommy isn’t it,” Alex said reaching out and putting his hand on Jo’s knee. Jo didn't even glance up at him, she just smiled down at Helena. 

In the past nine months, he had watched Jo go through so many emotions, as he watched her become a mother. Everything she did was to care for their daughter. He knew that Jo was terrified about becoming a mom when they first started talking about kids years ago. She knew the heartache of a bad childhood because she lived it. She was terrified of her genes and she wanted a career first so he waited patiently for her to be ready. 

Watching her with their daughter in just the past few hours Alex thought she was the best mom in the world, although he might be a little biased. Jo was so good with her, the second Helena fussed or cried, Jo would pick her up. She was so attentive to their daughter and so loving, Alex couldn't help but just watch them together. 

“Daddy is staring at us,” Jo giggled as she looked up and caught him.

 Alex smiled completely unashamed. “What can I say, I'm awestruck by the two beautiful girls in front of me, my girls.”

“Your girls,” Jo smiled before she realized something and giggled. “Alex Karev has a daughter.”

“Oh God,” Alex said, putting a hand over his face as he realized the karmic payback that was coming to him. 

“With your luck, she’ll probably be crazy for whatever gender she ends up liking,” Jo laughed putting her hand on his arm as the color drained from his face.

“No, no, she is a baby. We're not talking about this,” Alex said, shaking his head.

“She's not going to be a baby forever,” Jo said as she tilted her head and smiled at him, clearly enjoying torturing him.

“No, but she is a baby right now, a newborn and she's going to stay that way,” Alex said looking down at Helena and rubbing her little cheek.

Jo giggled again as she leaned forward and reached her hand out to wrap around his neck and pull in for a kiss. Alex let himself linger on Jo's lips as she smiled against his lips. Helena squealed and they parted with a laugh as they looked down at their daughter who stared up at Jo. Jo traced her finger down Helena’s cheek as she rocked her and Alex smiled at his girls. Yeah, this was perfect.

……………………………………………………………………

AN: On a scale of 1 to 10 how much did this turn you into a pile of mush?