#it’s very in character for me to get attached to the sweet heart soft character so yes ofc i’m talking about

[evansbby]

you get a request from a mysterious viewer for a private chat…

❃▹or ❃▹

sugar daddy ari meets cute camgirl!reader and she doesn’t know how to act around him.

{18+, dd/lg overtones, daddy kink,minors dni}

A. Levinson has requested a private chat.

The message pops up on your screen the moment you’re about to shut your laptop and call it a night. It’s already past midnight and you’ve just ended a particularly wild livestream. Tonight, you’d done the whole innocent girl act that your subscribers loved so much. You’d asked them to suggest on the live chat all the different ways you could touch yourself. As expected, it had gone over a treat, and you’d done your highest numbers yet thanks to your loving fans.

Speaking of which, your laptop beeps again with another notification:

A. Levinson donated $500.

You recognise the name immediately. Of course, you have no clue what he looks like or who he is. But he’s a new regular on your livestreams. Thousands of people watch you but you recognise the names of those who donate frequently. A. Levinson is one of those people – and his donations are hefty, too. Oh, should you accept? You didn’t really do private chats…

The buzz of another notification snaps you out of your thoughts. Another five hundred dollars. And this time, there’s a message attached.

A. Levinson: I really enjoyed your show tonight. Could I possibly take up your time for just a little bit longer? You can name your price.

Well… he didn’t sound creepy. He was most likely an older gentleman, probably lonely with a bunch of wealth and nobody to spend it on – aka, your favourite type of customer. You hover over his name quickly – no profile picture, forty-two years old (practically double your age!), new profile. Yep, it all checked out. You’d been planning on calling it an early night tonight but perhaps you could stretch it out a little longer and give this lonely old soul a bit of an extra show… For the extra cash, of course.

You fix your hair and adjust the lingerie you’ve still got on. You hadn’t stripped nude on tonight’s livestream, and most of your viewers had been too enraptured watching you make yourself cum over and over again to really even notice. Plus, you always chose the best lingerie to wear for your cam-shows. Tonight, you had on a pretty lacy set in the softest, cutest shade of baby pink, with creamy white ribbons and detailing completing the look along with your signature pink pumps. This A. Levinson guy would be in for a treat and a half. You quickly accept his request for a private chat, easily slipping back into the character you play in your shows.

“Hello there,” you feign shyness and smile into the camera how you always do. “What’s your name?”

“Ari,” the stranger responds, his voice sounding like liquid chocolate pouring straight out of your laptop. Damn. He didn’t have his camera on but that was unsurprising – most of your fans were very shy. “I have to admit, I didn’t know if you’d accept my private chat request.”

“Well, how could I not?” You adjust the straps of your bra slowly, “I love my fans, you know.”

He chuckles, “And they sure do love you.” A pause. “You looked breathtaking tonight.”

You’re used to compliments from your fans. Comments ranging from: “you’re gorgeous” to fuck ur so hot xx” to “I wish my girlfriend looked like you” to “you made me cum so hard in my pants baby.” But the way this Ari guy says it… the way he says the word “breathtaking” – all soft, and slow and melodious and confident. Instantly, your heart thrums, leaving you feeling a tad embarrassed.

“Oh… why thank you! That’s super sweet of you to say.” You recover quickly, slipping back into your “innocent girl” character as you smile softly and avert your gaze and do that thing where you rub your arm and pretend to be all shy. It goes over great with all your other fans.

But this fan only chuckles, “You can call me Ari for now, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart?!?

You clear your throat, “Were you feeling lonely tonight, Ari?”

“You could say that. I try to tune in to your show whenever I have the time. You were beautiful tonight, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so sweet.” Oh, there was that liquid chocolate voice again – all velvety and smooth and deep! You vaguely wonder what he looks like…

“Thank you, Ari. What was your favourite part?”

And okay, so maybe you’re being a bit boring right now. Usually, on the rare occasion you did agree to a private chat, you’d be a lot more flirtatious. But this man’s voice was almost putting you in a trance, making you have to think your next words so you don’t stumble over them. Gosh, none of your other fans sounded like he did! All calm and self-assured, and…

“I really enjoyed the part when you were using your fingers. You had that lost look in your eye, as though you were on another planet. I thought it was really cute.”

You giggle, shuffling closer to your webcam so he has a good view of your cleavage. The ring-light behind your camera casts a flattering, bright hue over your body, accentuating the way your breasts spill out of your bra and bounce slightly as you move closer. You think you hear a rumble escape his throat, but you can’t be too sure. Either way, you lean into the camera, “You like it when I touch myself?”

“Honey, I don’t think there’s a man in this world who wouldn’t like that.”

Another spark flutters down your spine, and you wonder why his words are making you react like this. You’ve been on the receiving end of a bunch of different compliments from your fans day after day. So… why now? Why tonight? Why him? Why was it different now?

The buzz of your laptop knocks you out of your reverie.

A. Levinson donated $600.

“Do you think you could touch yourself for me again?” He asks, his voice all velvety smooth yet rugged at the same time. And it’s a request that he doesn’t even bother to veil as a question, and for some reason, you feel a jolt down there at his expectant tone. “I would really love to see that pretty look on your face again.”

You giggle nervously before remembering to put on your innocent girl act for the camera. “Touch myself? I dunno… It’s getting kind of late, sir.”

A. Levinson donated $800.

“I told you, please call me Ari for now.”

You don’t know whether you clench from the sheer amount of money he seems to be throwing at you as if it’s nothing, or the delicious hint of authority in his tone. None of your fans were like that – they all acted like you were very much the one on charge, the one with all the power, the one who could log out and end the chat and leave them hanging at any moment. Which you could – so then why was Ari acting like he was the one who held all the power?

And why did you not hate it at all?

Slowly, you slip your hand down your body, making sure to look demure and seductive in front of the camera.

“Play with your lingerie,” he commands, “Play with those cute little white ribbons.”

“Yeah, o-okay,” you breathe, inwardly wondering why the hell you’re not taking control of your own show like how you usually do. Why you’re so okay with letting him take the lead. Nevertheless, you twirl the ribbons of your panties around your fingers, stroking the satin softly as your core begins to pulse in need. But instead of going down to touch your pussy, you keep playing with your lingerie instead, imagining that your hands are not yours, but rather… someone else’s. Someone who’s rough, tough, masculine and rugged… And hell bent on teasing you.

“Use your other hand too,” Ari says, “Squeeze your pretty tits, baby girl. They look so pretty in that pink bra.”

“Th-Thank you, da–” You bite down on your tongue just in time, mortified that you almost let that word slip out. And you think you hear a smirk on the other end of the call, but you’re too preoccupied with listening to Ari to really pay any heed. With one hand still playing with your panties, you squeeze your breast with your other. Your nipple feels hard against your palm, and your eyes momentarily flutter shut as you knead your soft flesh at his orders.

“That’s so good, pretty girl. You look so pretty and cute like that.” Ari compliments. “In fact, your choice of lingerie is one of my favourite parts of your shows. You’re always wearing something cute and girly. It’s very charming, sweetheart.”

Oh, how was he being so calm right now? Usually, your fans got themselves worked up within the first few minutes of your private chats. It didn’t take much to get them to blow their loads and their money too, and the chat would be over in about five minutes. But right now? Right now, it seems you’re the one who’s getting worked up. Quickly, you clear your throat.

“Thanks. This set is one of my favourites.”

“Is that so? Well, you have to promise me you’ll buy yourself a few more sets as adorable as this one.” Ari responds, “Cute and pink and pretty, just like a princess. Aren’t you, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” you agree, cringing at how dumb you sound. He seems unperturbed, however, and you soon grow preoccupied with touching yourself again. Squeezing your other breast while you make direct eye contact with your camera.

“Good girl. Why don’t you touch your little pussy now? I’m sure she’s starting to feel a bit neglected.” He chuckles, and you marvel at how in control he sounds, how easily the words slip past his tongue. “After all, she’s the star of the show, isn’t she?”

“She is,” you agree softly, blinking at the camera, “She’s very wet.”

“Mm, I’m sure she is, baby girl. Push your panties aside and spread your legs so her daddy can take a look at her.”

You gasp when you hear him refer to himself as that, but he seems so damned unperturbed that you feel you have to act the same. Oh gosh, when had this all taken such a turn?��Never before had you taken orders from a fan in a private chat, but it’s like he’s somehow programmed you to listen to him through that velvety voice of his.

You spread your legs like how you’d do on a regular livestream, angling the webcam to get the perfect shot. Your panties are soaked when you push them aside, and you bite your lip as you use two of your fingers to spread your folds. They glisten under the lighting, your wetness trailing down your thighs and staining the rug under you.

“Such a good girl,” Ari rewards you with a compliment. “Such a good little girl with a cute little baby pussy. You should be so proud, princess.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Now, do you want daddy to turn his camera on? And don’t worry, it’s alright if you’re too shy and you don’t want me to. You’re just a little girl after all, and I wouldn’t want to force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Your heart lurches. Ari? Turn his camera on? Oh, you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a bit curious to see what he looked like! To see the face that matched that insanely chocolatey voice… A nervous thrill ripples through you, but you try your hardest to remain cool.

“Y-Yes,” you manage to get out, hating how you stutter. You never stutter on your own livestreams and chats. Never. You clear your throat, “Yes. Yes, you can turn your camera on.”

A moment later you find yourself staring at a set of deep blue eyes. You blink several times. Now, you see a handsome face. A very handsome face. Bronzed skin, a thick beard. Striking eyes, high cheekbones. A gorgeous, sloped nose. Long brown hair that brushes over his eyes before he pushes it back and out of his face. Oh, he was hot! And fully dressed, too. In an expensive-looking suit with his tie loosened around his neck.

“Oh… wow, Ari… I–” You’re at a loss for words, but thankfully Ari takes the reins.

“Keep touching yourself, sweetheart. Yeah, just like that.” He licks his lips, long lashes fluttering across his cheekbones as he blinks, “And call me daddy, baby. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, daddy, that’s fine.”

“I thought so. Now, why don’t you tell daddy your favourite way of keeping your baby pussy happy.” He murmurs softly, slowly, hypnotically.

You watch as his own hand slips down, and it thrills you to think of what he’s doing, what his camera isn’t showing. Oh, none of your other fans were as handsome as him! Or as put together or as in control! No, Ari’s energy is completely different. So softly dominant that it sends chills up and down your spine as you clamber to obey him.

Suddenly, you remember he’d asked a question.

“My stuffie, I guess.” You answer hypnotically, staring into his blue eyes that look to be so deep, so soulful. Like he was a man who’d seen everyone and everything this world had to offer. A man who’d lived an entire lifetime, a man who was, well, a man in the purest sense of the word. So virile, so mature – someone you could look up to, follow, listen to.

“Your stuffie.” Ari repeats, savouring the word on his tongue, “You stuffie keeps your pussy happy, huh? I think I remember watching one of your livestreams where you did something like that. But I’d like you to show me again, baby. Will you do that for me?”

Luckily, your stuffed teddy bear is only a foot away from you, and you quickly grab it. And it was true, sometimes you’d ride your stuffies during your livestreams. Your fans loved to watch you writhe and moan and lose yourself in the moment, watch you go from cuddling your stuffed toys to humping them and making yourself cum. Clearly, Ari had been a fan of this routine too.

You get into position, placing your teddy bear between your legs, watching how its fur goes damp as soon as it makes contact with your soaking pussy. Biting your lip, you waste no time as you start rocking back and forth tentatively. Ari lets out a rumble of approval, and you see his arm flex as he leans forward.

“That’s so good, baby girl. You like using your little friend to make you feel good?”

“Y-Yeah, it’s one of my most viewed livestreams.”

He smirks, “But you’ll put on a better show for me right now, won’t you?”

“Yeah, daddy…”

Your breathing slowly goes shallow, mind clear of any thoughts except how sexy and manly Ari sounded on this call right now. And it feels so delicious already, your teddy’s fur catching on your throbbing clit, incensing you to grind down harder.

“You have a wishlist, babygirl?”

The question is posed so casually that it somehow almost winds you. Your hips slow down and you look up at your webcam. But Ari narrows his eyes, nodding his head as if commanding you to continue, which you do. God, it was so hot how nonchalant he was being — and yet he sounded so attentive too!

“A wishlist?” You squeak, voice going high-pitched as your hips pick up pace, and you wish it was Ari’s thigh you were grinding on instead of this stuffie. Your body’s doing that thing where it feels empty, craving something bigger, more substantial…

“Yes, sweetie. A wishlist. A list of things you want. Clothes or makeup or anything like that.” He’s pumping his dick now, you can tell with how his hand’s moving. But the rest of him looks so unperturbed and unbothered, as if he’s having a normal conversation and not jacking off with a camgirl while he watches her masturbate with a stuffed teddy.

“I—um—yeah, I do…” you somehow manage to get the words out, but you’re mostly focused on cumming now. Your mind conjures up images of you naked on top of a fully dressed Ari. Him big and powerful, guiding your hips with just one hand, dragging you back and forth on his muscular thigh. Or maybe picking you up and placing you on his bulge, letting you rub your soaking cunt on it while he calls you a good girl in that deep, sexy voice of his…

“Sweetheart? You with me?”

“I, yeah, sorry!” You pant, feeling so close and yet a part of you knows you have to answer him. “I d-do — I have a list but—”

“You’re going to send it to daddy after you cum,” he tells you. “A pretty little girl like you needs her daddy to reward her after she humps her pretty little princess cunt and gets off so nicely just like how I asked you to.”

Your orgasm hits you out of nowhere. And it’s his words that tip you over the edge. So dirty, yet he talks in such a sweet way! Oh, a man’s never spoken to you like that! So casually talked you through your orgasm, praising you so sweetly and telling you he’d buy you everything on your wish list?! Who was this man??

“Send it to me. Now.”

You’re weak and spent, legs shaking from cumming so hard. But you quickly send him your wish list on private chat. You doubted he’d buy everything on it — all the expensive jewellery, designer clothes, shoes — especially since he’d already showered you with so many cash donations. But you send it to him anyways, and he hums in approval.

“That’s such a good girl. I really enjoyed our chat, baby.”

Your heart sinks. Was this it?

“Why don’t you show daddy your pussy again, baby girl? I want to see how messy it is now.”

Again, you obey. Angling your webcam and opening your legs for him. A part of you imagines him doing it for you, gripping your soft thighs with his calloused, manly hands so he could inspect to his heart’s content. God, he just exuded dominant energy and it was making you lightheaded. Quickly, you spread your sopping folds with your fingers, letting him see everything.

“Fuck, you’re so messy, aren’t you?” Ari murmurs, and you watch him brush his long hair out of his face. His tanned skin glistens slightly, his lips pink and plump and you find yourself just staring at him in awe.

“I-I’m messy…” you repeat, feeling dumb and spaced out after your orgasm.

“Bet you need your daddy to clean up that baby pussy, don’t you?” He licks his lips, pumping himself faster. That’s when his camera lowers slightly, and your breath hitches at the sight of the angry red tip of his dick.

“I… I don’t know… I—”

He chuckles kind of breathlessly, “You’re all dumbed out, huh? That’s alright, sweet girl. Daddy understands.” Again, he runs a hand through his hair, leaning forward slightly to get a better look at you. “I understand that little girls like you get tired easily, especially after playing with your toy so naughtily like how you were just now. That’s why you need your daddy.”

“D-Daddy…” you whimper, incapable of saying anything else except repeating what he’s saying, but you’re able to press your thighs weakly together, as if his words are just too much and you need to get off again despite being so weak.

“You need me, don’t you? To hold you in my lap, clean you up, take care of you, think for you, buy you whatever you want. Lap at your little baby cunt till you cum in my mouth. Am I right?”

Ohfuck. You feel newfound thrill ripple down to your pussy, making you clench at his words.

“I… I don’t.. I just— daddy, I. —“

Ari chuckles breathlessly, and a lock of his hair falls over his forehead, but apart from that he still looks pristine. The complete opposite of fucked out, messy little you.

“You can’t even speak straight, can you, Princess? That’s alright, little girls like you aren’t meant to think or talk anyways. That’s your daddy’s job, that’s why I’m here. All you have to do is look cute and play with your little toy on my lap while daddy does all the thinking for you. Would you like that?”

“Yes!” You cry, feeling needy and vulnerable and still a little bit confused as to how this virtual stranger has reduced you to such a blubbering mess.

“Fuck. Say it, then. Tell me how badly you need me.”

“N-Need daddy,” you blubber, vaguely wondering what your viewers would think if they saw you now. Often, you acted all spaced out and whimpery in your livestreams. But this… oh, this wasn’t acting at all. Ari had well and truly reduced you to a whimpering mess — and you didn’t even know the guy!

“I know you need me,” he croons, “Little girls like you always need their daddy. And I want to take care of you too, sweet baby.”

“Please do!” You cry, “Need you to take care of me so bad! Can’t think, can’t… I can’t…”

You press your thighs together and cum again. And it’s a shock to you, you hadn’t expected to orgasm again so quickly. But you hear Ari groan, and a moment later you watch enraptured as he blows his load, spurts of his thick cum landing on his palm. And you wish so bad you were there in person to clean him up too.

“Both of you are quiet for a minute or so after that. All you can hear is his breathing - rapid at first before it goes steady. You, on the other hand, are beside yourself. Whimpering, crying, breathing hard. You just want him to hold you - and it’s crazy because you don’t even know who he is! Not really, anyways. But he looks so big and strong even on the laptop screen, and you really feel so small in front of his eyes, but in a good way… He had a way with words, so soft and dominant that it made you want him to take care of you, and-

"Thank you, baby girl,” Ari chuckles after a while, “thank you for indulging me.”

You clear your throat, “I…uh… I… okay.”

“You still dumbed out, honey?”

You lower your eyes and nod, feeling all kinds of shy now that you’ve cum twice and your senses are all coming back. Had you really gotten that submissive and vulnerable with a viewer on private chat? Oh gosh…

“Do you need daddy to tell you what to do next?”

You nod, embarrassed at how helpless you feel. Your legs are still shaking from the remnants of your orgasm, ears still buzzing from that smooth, gravelly voice of his as he’d coaxed you through those two orgasms.

“First, I want you to send me that wishlist of yours. Then, I want you to go and take a nice, hot bath to calm yourself down, alright?”

“O-Okay, daddy,” you agree quietly.

“Mm, that’s my good girl. Then, I want you to put on something comfy and tuck yourself into bed. I know little girls like you need your daddy to do that, but for now I need you to do it for yourself. Got that?”

You nod dumbly.

“Daddy needs you to use your words, sweet girl.”

“Yes, I - uh - I’ll take a bath and tuck myself in, daddy.”

“Good girl. But I’ll need you to take pictures as proof you’ve followed my instructions.”

“I will, I will!” You blurt out, wanting to make this virtual stranger proud. Oh, you didn’t even recognise yourself anymore but you didn’t care. Not in the least.

“Thank you, baby. And one last thing.”

“Y-Yes?”

“Would you like to talk to daddy again tomorrow night?”

“Yes! Please, yes!”

“I thought so. Why don’t you give me your number, sweetheart, and I’ll be sure to make that happen.”

THE END.

Honestly wrote this super quickly so it’s probably paced like shit and not that good but YOLO. also i tried something different with the layout heheehehe LMK WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE FIC PLSSS LOVE YOU GUYS

[mntozakii]

sugar — lee haechan

pairing: haechan x female reader

tags: stepcest, age gap (6 years), unprotected sex, haechan is a little bit insane but it's fine ☹️

note: been having haechan brainrot so plz enjoy this

minors do not interact and all characters are in legal age

[unedited]

before your first encounter with the boy, his father has warned you that his son can be very mischievous. it turned out to be wrong because the haechan that you met was silent, you didn't have to know that he was actually angry. he believed that a pretty girl like you shouldn't be around men like his father, he knew that his workaholics father will neglect you in the future.

much to your delight, haechan warmed up and became closer to you since his father is always on a business trip. haechan just absolutely adore the way his father's young trophy wife showed up to his soccer games, coding competition, and took care of him like a good mommy. in return, he gave you a lot of affection and love. your sweet boy haechan who never disrespect you, listened to you more than his father, and indulged into your silly little hobbies. he didn't mind to follow around the store like a kicked puppy as you spend his father's black card.

haechan who can't be mean with you. at first, he wanted to make your life miserable but you were so kind and lovely to him. you think of him so fondly that it never crossed on your mind that he's taking advantage of you.

haechan who whines about his sore back so you will massage him and he finds it amusing that you laugh whenever he moans, if only you knew that haechan creamed his pants.

haechan who loves to share his food and feels his pupils dilate whenever your mouth opens nicely as he feeds you.

haechan who offers to do the laundry so he can steal your panties, he secretly touches himself with the flimsy silk.

to be honest, you weren't bothered with haechan's behaviour since you've seen how the boy acted around his relatives and friends. you assumed that it was only natural for him to be so attached with you, after all you're his new mother.

haechan has to thank his parents for making baby as his nickname because now he gets to hear you call him baby everyday.

"baby, don't forget to eat your breakfast"

"haechan baby, can you help me with the grocery?"

"good job baby, you're so smart"

four years went by and your sweet sunshine is no longer a pretty boy, he stood taller than you and looked intimidating than ever. however, he was still the same cheeky boy you've know. haechan attended law school, following his father's path. to be frank, it wasn't his first option but you had beg so prettily for him to listen to his father.

even though haechan was hundred miles away from you, he will still occasionally visit you. besides, he texted you everyday and updated you with everything. you knew the names of the professors that he hated, his pretentious classmates, and his roomate jeno.

"i want to see your face" haechan sent a selfie of him on bed with his messy brown hair.

"i'm on a date" you sent a selfie with his father which he replied with an eye roll emoji. you probably laugh at his choice of emoji but he genuinely felt pissed off. all he wanted was to see your face and he got a picture of the old man kissing your cheek.

"i miss having meals with you" haechan sent a picture of his pathetic dinner that consisted of ramen, few packs of sandwiches, and milk.

"my baby, please eat a proper meal" you sighed as you looked at his simple dinner, you'll remind your husband to pay extra attention to his allowance.

when haechan had few days off from school, he decided to suprise you by taking a flight home. upon his arrival, he was flustered to hear choked cries coming from your room. he knows that his father was home so he opted to peek from behind the door, his face turned into a soft frown when he saw your naked body on his father's lap.

"honey, please, i want to have a child with you" his heart burned with jealousy watching you hold his father's face as you cried, he never get to see your vulnerability before.

"i feel alone, the house seems so empty without haechan. it is a perfect timing for us to raise a child together, right?" his heart broke seeing your attempt to convince his father, haechan felt your frustration by the strong grip on the older man's shirt. he never know that you felt alone while he was away, he felt even worse when the accompany that you now wanted was in a form of a child.

"my sweetheart, i understand how you feel but can you wait for a few more months? once everything is settled at the firm, we will talk about this again" haechan had to physically control himself from letting a scoff, he knew that his father's promise meant nothing. the younger man headed to his room while he waited for his father to return to his office.

as soon as he heard the car left, he went outside to find you. his lips turned into a smirk when he saw you eating a pint of ice-cream, he was quick to attack you with a tight hug. you let out a shriek before hitting his chest when you realised it was haechan.

"haechan, you didn't tell me that you were coming home!" you reciprocated his hug and chuckled when the brunet pecked you on the cheek.

"i wanted to surprise you" he mumbled as he wiped the cream at the corner of your lips, he pulled you to the couch and kept you close to him. he wrapped his hand around your shoulder as he listened to you while the movie play mindlessly in the background.

"baby, have some" haechan smiled when you fed him the ice-cream. he found it very cute when you call him baby because he liked to take advantage of it, it almost felt like you will always forgive him for his mistakes.

haechan loved whenever you wear polo shirt especially if it was paired with a mini skirt. today, you were wearing his favourite white shirt paired with a midi skirt. you looked so beautiful, he can't help but to stare at your thighs through the slit of the skirt.

"why are you so pretty today? i want to play with you" his hand slid inside the skirt before he softly rubbed your inner thigh while maintaining eye contact with you. it wasn't unusual for haechan to be clingy but he should never touch you in that way.

"haechan, what are you doing?" your heart pounded heavily when his hand dangerously headed north.

"baby, your hand—" you tried to push it away but it was no use, his grip only tighten on your body. haechan leaned closer to leave wet kisses on your neck, he missed you so much.

"no— haechan, we cannot do this" your second attempt to shove him away failed since he was so much stronger than you, he didn't even budge at all.

"hmm, why can't we do this?" his mellifluous voice whined before he pulled you to his lap, his hands rested on your side as he eyefucked you.

"my father doesn't want to put a baby into you and i want to do the opposite of that, isn't that good?" his voice made the question sounded so innocent meanwhile in reality, he was talking about making you pregnant with his child. he must've overheard your talk with your husband, you wanted to believe that haechan was just confused with his feelings towards you.

"haechan, your father will get very mad at you" you mumbled as you reached for his hands, holding them tightly so he won't touch you again. haechan admired your effort to put him in his place, it was an adorable attempt. he easily pulled his hands away from you before carrying you to his room, he made sure to lock the door before cornering you to his bed.

"baby, baby, baby" he mocked the way your small voice always call for his name, he took off his shirt and sat on the bed. you can't help but to notice how different he looked now, his body was becoming lean and his features has developed into a handsome man. haechan held your hand as you stood still with guilt written all over your face.

was it your fault for spoiling haechan rotten until he thinks that he can get whatever he wants?

was it your fault for not creating a clear boundaries with your step son?

was it your fault for getting a little aroused with his little antics today?

"mommy, give me a chance to please you" haechan begged with the prettiest doe eyes ever, you are aware that you can say no, leave his room, and pretend that nothing happened but something inside you was thrilled to see more of him.

haechan grew impatient waiting for your reply, he decided to have you on his lap again before a brilliant idea popped out.

"you can tell me to stop and i will" haechan promised before he unbuttoned your shirt, he tried to read your expression but failed to do so. haechan chuckled seeing purple bruises all over your chest, you must had a steamy night yesterday.

"my father is a greedy bastard, isn't he?" he muttered before doing the exact thing that his father did to you last night, except haechan was aiming for your neck.

"baby, not on the neck, he will notice it" you pulled on his hair to take a look at his face, he seemed to be disappointed when he failed to mark you.

his hands gently groped on your tits and nipples, he alternated in between sucking, biting, and pulling on your hard buds. haechan felt his ego skyrocketed when you started to whimper and begged for more.

haechan positioned you to lay down comfortably on his bed before he took off your panties, he kept the skirt on because it looked lovely on you. haechan couldn't believe that he was finally staring at your naked body, he had been fantasizing this for years.

"such a pretty pussy" haechan praised you and chuckled when he noticed your hole clenched at nothing, he didn't know that you were already leaking wet.

"hmm, it's so tight, does he not fuck you at all?" haechan queried as he stuffed your hole with his middle finger, he moaned seeing you tighten around his digit. since he was eager to satisfy you, he added another finger and played with your clit using his other hand.

instead of making you reach your high, haechan kept on edging until you became so frustrated. he will rub your clit in the most delicious circles and stopped whenever you're almost close. the moment when he noticed your legs started to twitch, he will take his hand off your pussy and let you cry for more.

"haechan, don't be mean to me" you had to hold back a sob because you've been denied for so many times and it felt so painful. you tried to touch yourself but he gently smacked your clit as a warning, he wanted to see you come on his cock instead of his fingers. he got on top of you and let your legs rest on his shoulders, he gave a few kisses on your calf before pulling out his dick.

"i prepped you so well, you should be able to take it like a good girl, right?" he rubbed the tip on your entrance and slightly pushed the tip to elicit another moan from you.

one thing that haechan had always dreamt off was kissing you, he had various imagination to kept him on edge whenever he jerked off. he used to imagine fucking you on the mattress that you share with his father, he also fantasized about fucking you in the kitchen too. today, he will do everything that he wanted for so many years.

haechan bit his lip as he slowly pushed himself inside your warm cunt, it felt so fucking good that he wanted to cry. haechan leaned closer to kiss your lips and giggled when he tasted the lip gloss, you had put it on him for fun before but it tasted so much sweeter on your lips.

"baby, what's so funny?" you asked then laughed when he shrugged it off and hid his face on your chest as his hips kept on thrusting into your poor hole.

"this is better than everything i used to dream off" haechan admitted before pulling you into another kiss, you realised that the brown haired boy liked to be messy when kissing. he was so desperate and wanted to swallow you whole if he could, he slowly trailed down to your neck and started to suck and bite on it.

"baby, be gentle with it" you reminded him as you caressed his hair, you admitted that he was doing so well and it scared you. the younger boy decorated your neck with fresh red marks before he intertwined your hands together.

"i'm going to fill you up with my seed, get you pregnant with my child, that'll make you a real mommy" haechan whispered before he continued to fuck you real hard, every each of his thrust hits your cervix and drove you to madness.

"baby, no— haechan, you have to pull out" your hands weakly push him away but it only fueled him to pound your hole mercilessly, he knew that you were close and he wanted to come together. a few more penetration and haechan felt your walls contracted tightly around his veiny cock, he shot ropes of warm semen inside your pussy.

you can't help but to whine at the warm feelings inside you, haechan panted softly as pulled you into a tight hug. he caressed your messy hair and adored the marks he left on your body.

"did i do a good job, mommy?"

[flwerswrld]

relationship headcannons ୨୧ | hsr men

cw: lowercase intended, tooth rottingly fluffy, slight crack if u squint, gender neutral!reader, established relationship for all characters, grumpy x sunshine if you squint (caelus), sick!reader (dan heng), dan heng being a worrywart, marriage #4lifers >_< (welt), flustered geppie, ooc for probably all of them...😞 whoopsies i haven't written fanfic in like 4-5 yrs

character/s included: caelus, dan heng, welt, gepard landau

caelus ♡

- biiiiig cuddler :3

- like this man is ON YOU.

- march has multiple photos of you two attached to the hip (one where u guys were literally HANDCUFFED to each other. caelus wanted to try the idea out, might write a whole other fic just on that)

- literally anything could remind him of you

- he sees a bag of chips? oh, they're y/n's fav, oh i'm thinking of my partner now, oh how i love my partner :3

- ^ literally his thought process

- adding to the last point, he'll find or buy random things to give to you because he thought you'd like it/it reminded him of you

"caelus, are these... cat keychains?" you ask, the gift random, but definitely not unwelcomed, conveyed by the growing smile on your face. "they reminded me of us." he replies, his shoulders moving up and down in a noncommittal shrug. "i'm the orange cat, and you're the black cat."

well... now that you look at it, the keychains do remind you of you and caelus' relationship dynamic. the ginger cat— a tabby, it seems, is laying on the black cat's belly affectionately, the aforementioned feline having an annoyed frown on its face.

"it's cute." pressing a kiss to his cheek, your then soft smile grows into something more joyful. "thank you for the sweet gift, caelus."

and caelus swore to the aeons themselves that he was having heart palpitations from the feeling of your lips on his cheek.

dan heng ♡

- way less affectionate compared to how caelus is, not because he doesn't love you, but because he's more reserved

- doesn't mean he doesn't cuddle, he loves it when you and him have a nice snuggle sesh after a stressful day (but shhhh don't tell him i told you, it's supposed to be a secret 🤫)

"you're sure you don't need more tea?"

- prefers to show you his affections through acts of service rather than words or physical touch

- he's so dorky ugh i want him so bad

"dan heng, i'll be fine—" another coughing fit ensued, the hacking so intense dan heng backs away. "yep, more tea for you." he mumbles under his breath. "and more soup."

he reminds me of a mother hen... you think, sipping on your mug of tea that your lovely boyfriend had made for you. the beverage is hot and relaxing, feeling like a smoldering fire was in your belly whenever you swallow it.

"you know..." you start when he comes back inside your room, looking at your boyfriend with a hint of a smirk on your face. "you remind me of a mother hen, sometimes."

and you almost laugh at the disgruntled expression that appears on his stupidly handsome face. "i do not act like a mother hen—"

"oh, come on! you know you do, babe!"

with his cheeks turning a shade of light pink at the nickname, he sighs. "you can call me whatever you want, just drink your tea, for the love of aeons." he replied begrudgingly. "then give me a kiss!" you shoot back, weakly puckering your lips. "then i'll drink my tea, eat my soup, and then take a niiiiiice long nap."

dan heng stands there for a second, weighing his options. on one hand, he gets to kiss his partner — whom he loves very dearly he might add — to get them to eat their soup and drink the tea he had prepared for them. the only problem is that they're sick.

oh, fuck it.

pressing a kiss to your lips, he sighs into it, pulling away after a few seconds. "there. better now?" he asks.

he got sick two days later, but to him it was worth it.

welt ♡

- this man KNOWS how to treat someone right. i just know it in the deepest parts of my soul.

- shows you the animations that he made when he worked as an animator (it probably has 12 episodes, only 1 season, and ended on a cliffhanger 😞)

- HE DRAWS YOU. IDC. his sketchbook is full of drawings of you, random things he sees while out on his travels with you and the express, and other random doodles

- loves sightseeing with you. every time you go to a new planet you guys take pictures together at every tourist spot

- slow dancing w/ him to frank sinatra... it'd be so cute??? STOP STOP EVERYONE SHUT UP FOR 2 SECONDS. ☹️☹️

you felt like life was perfect right now.

with all the drama on penacony being over, you and welt finally had some free time to just chill out and take a breather.

"this is so nice..." you mumble to yourself, the metal of your ring softly pressing against the skin of your finger as your hands rest on welt's shoulders. "slow dancing is so romantic, don't you think?" welt asks, smiling down at you as frank sinatra records play in the background.

"are you trying to seduce me, mr. yang? even after years of marriage?" you ask, smiling when he spins you around slowly to the soft voice of frank sinatra, and the romantic melodies of the instruments. "and what if i am, mx yang?" he leans down in your ear to mumble, his tone teasing, maybe a bit... mischievous?

when the record stops spinning, welt holds you close to him, heat radiating off of him like a radiator. "hm, you're warm." you mumble, letting out a yawn. "like a heater."

hearing your husband let out a little chuckle, he smiles down at you. "you say this every time we hug."

"is it romantic, though?"

there was a pregnant pause, as if welt was deciding on what to say.

"do you want me to be honest or nice...?"

"welt!"

gepard landau ♡

- he's soooo protective ik it :[ like he's always keeping an eye on you while he's on patrol to make sure you're safe (not in a stalker way, just looking out for you bc he cares (⁠◕⁠દ⁠◕⁠))

- gets you something on every holiday, even if it doesn't count as a ‘holiday’. for every valentine's day he buys you chocolates and a cute little teddy bear 🥹🥹 he's so cute

- bc he's so busy with belobog duties(??), he doesn't have much time for dates

- so for the time he does have off, he'll spend with you!! (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

- serval is also you and gepard's biggest supporter, and lowkey played matchmaker with you two so you guys could get together

"aww, geppie! this is so cute!" you say, smiling at the rose bouquet and chocolates he had gotten you for valentine's day.

"serval actually suggested for me to buy you them..." the blonde replied, a mixed pile of mush and flustered mumblings underneath his breath. "she said your favourite flowers are roses, so i tried to find the best ones in belobog for you."

you actually think your heart is going to explode. or that you're going to squeeze your boyfriend to death from his cuteness.

and that's exactly what you do, making a mental note to thank serval the next time you see her.

"gepard, you're the best!" you exclaim, leaning your head onto his chest.

"don't mention it, y/n..." he mumbles, praying to qilpoth that you can't hear the relentless beating of his heart, the thumpity thump of it so profound he can feel it in his ears. "it's my duty as your boyfriend to give you gifts."

you also make another mental note: to wife this man up as soon as possible.

[winchesterwild78]

The Demon and Me pt 2

Master List 

Characters: Demon Dean x Plus Size Reader

Warnings: Demon Dean, Angst, Language, SMUT! 

TW: Demon Dean is very rough in bed. The sex will be consensual, however I wanted to write a warning because it’s not going to be sweet and fluffy. 

A/N: Oh Demon Dean…he makes me feral-sorry not sorry. Just a short story that popped in my head. I have a ton of chapters for other stories half written, but I couldn’t help myself. Dean is now a demon and the reader is left with the weight of his absence, he shows up in her hotel room, and leaves her reeling, Sam and Cass arrive, and Cass gives the reader some unexpected news. 

Minors DNI 18+

A panic filled my body. Then the light turned on. “Looking for this darlin’?” Dean was standing in my room, holding my demon blade. I gasped, “Dean.”

“Hey sweetheart, looking good in my shirt.” His eyes flashed black and then green. I grabbed the blanket and covered my exposed body. 

“Dean, what are you doing here? How did you get in here” I knew the question was stupid before I even asked it. He knows how to pick a lock. That’s how he got in. 

He stepped closer, tossed the knife to the side and smirked, “I couldn’t stay away from you. Your smell is intoxicating. I need you baby.” 

I pulled the blanket up further as he stepped closer. My head low and I had to bite my lip to keep the tears at bay. I knew he was still a demon, but hearing his voice and seeing his green eyes look at me like he loves me was just too much. 

“Dean, I’m not your baby anymore. You don’t love me. You chose this over me, over us.” I couldn’t look at him. My voice was shaking and I felt the sting of the tears. 

Dean stepped to the side of the bed I was on. The one I always slept on, away from the door. Dean’s side was closest to the door so he could protect me. At least that’s what he always told me. 

I could feel his body heat. Then his hand gently cupped my face and turned it up and towards him. I looked at him, his face was soft and I thought I saw the love he had for me. 

“Sweetheart, please. I do love you. I want to be with you. You swore you’d love me no matter what. Remember Cass said we’re soulmates. We belong together, no matter what happens.” 

Tears started to fall, his thumb gently wiping them away. I instinctively leaned into his touch. It had been so long. 

“What about the girl from the bar?” I asked in a soft voice. “What about her? Why would I want her when I have you?” 

My breath hitched, “Dean, I..” I couldn’t finish the sentence, he captured my lips in a soft kiss. My mind is reeling. He was so gentle I lost myself in his kiss. I got up on my knees, meeting him and kissing him deeper. His hands gently pulled me to his chest, and I moaned. 

I pulled back, needing air and I looked in his eyes. They were the most beautiful shade of green I’d seen. “Dean, I miss you. Please..” Dean’s hands ran up my body, tracing every curve I’d learned to love because he loved them. He removed the shirt and his lips trailed down my collar bone and to my full breasts. 

My head leaned back and I moaned. My body responding to his touch, I could feel the slick forming between my thighs. I knew my panties were soaked. Dean leaned my body back and he positioned himself between my legs. His bulge pressing against my panties. 

His hands and lips trailed over my body, he kissed every scar and every stretch mark like he was memorizing my body again. Dean’s hands stopped at the hem of my panties, his eyes flicked to mine. I nodded and lifted my hips. My mind screamed at me to stop, but my heart and my body needed him. 

As he removed my panties his hands slid in between my folds. I heard a soft growl from his lips, “All this for me sweetheart?” I moaned and nodded. “Use your words.” “Yes, Dean, please I need you.” His tongue and mouth attached to my clit and pussy. I quivered under his touch. 

He sucked and licked like a starved man. I came almost instantly. Dean lapped up my juices. I moaned and squirmed under him. His grip tight on me as he pushed me towards another release. I came almost as fast the second time, this time his name leaving my lips loudly. 

As Dean helped me ride out my second release my senses were completely gone. Dean, my Dean was the one making me feel like this. My heart ached for it to be true. 

As Dean picked his head up, smiling down at me in my euphoric state. “Mmm look at you sweetheart. You tasted so sweet, different but sweet, almost new.” I smiled up at him and pulled him down to kiss my lips. “I love you, Dean.” 

A smirk tugged on his lips. Dean pulled his shirt over his head and removed his jeans and boxers. His hard length sprang free. I bit my lip, I really missed him. “Dean, baby, please take me.” Dean positioned himself between my legs and his green eyes turned black as coal. 

I gasped as he slammed his cock deep inside me. “Dean, baby, come back to me. I don’t want you like this, please.” “Oh baby girl, you wanted this, remember?” His eyes flashed back to green, but he kept up his brutal pace. 

He would pull out and slam back inside, hitting my cervix and pulling a half scream, half moan from my mouth. “Oh this pussy, it’s all mine.” My legs were in the air, draped over his shoulder as he kept slamming into me. My tits were bouncing so much they started to hurt. 

Tears formed in my eyes. Dean was never this rough, but god my body craved him. Dean held me down, slipped one of his strong hands around my throat. “You take my cock so good baby. Fuck! This pussy was made for me. You better not let anyone ever fuck you. You, your pussy belongs to me.” 

I felt like I was going to pass out, throw up and cum again. Dean’s mouth covered mine in a deep, hard kiss. “Dean, please, slow down.” I begged. “No! I will take you how I want. You’re mine.” I laid under Dean, feeling his hands grip my body tight as he pounded into me. 

In one swift movement, Dean had flipped my body over and pulled me on my knees. He slammed into me, pulling my ass up and pushing my face into the pillows. His large hands gripped my hips as he continued his brutal assault on me. Then without warning his large hand came down and smacked my right ass cheek, hard. I yelped in pain.

Dean was getting close. “I’m going to fill this little pussy up with my seed. Fuck a baby into you. I know you want that.” “Oh Dean, please baby, not like this.” My pleas fell on deaf ears as tears fell. Dean was spilling his hot seed deep inside me. His grunts and groans filled the room. 

After he came he stood, put his clothes back on and left without a word. I laid on the bed naked, a complete mess and utterly alone. I was ashamed I gave into him, and my heart broke because he used me then left. 

I felt his cum spilling out of me. As I got up to clean myself, I winced at the pain in my body. Dean’s marks were peppering my skin and between my legs was so sore. 

I allowed him to use me and now he’s gone again. I cleaned myself up, laid a devil’s trap out, something I should have done before, and crawled back into bed. The smell of Dean on the sheets and my body. I felt a sickness in the pit of my stomach that filled my body. 

As I laid there I felt the bile creeping up my throat. Throwing the blanket back, I leaped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I sobbed as I began to vomit. Emptying what little contents there was into the toilet. 

After I was sure I was done I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth. I crawled back into bed, pulled the blanket around me and exhaustion took over. 

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I looked at the phone and it was Sam. I had no idea what I was going to tell him, how could I tell him I found Dean, allowed him to use me and now he’s gone again. I felt the familiar feeling fill my stomach, I was so ashamed of what I had allowed, it was making me physically sick. 

I answered the phone, voice very weak, “Hey Sam.” “Oh thank god! Y/N, where are you? I got your note and called your sister. She said you broke down and had to stay waiting on the part. Are you okay? You sound off.” 

“No, I’m not. I found him, Sam. I found Dean and Crowley. I wasn’t looking and they were in the bar I went to last night. Sam I…” My voice trailed off. Not sure how much more I could admit. “Y/N, Cass and I are on our way. Tell me where you are. You shouldn’t be alone.” 

I sighed and told him where I was. “We will be there soon, and Y/N, it’s going to be okay. Just stay away from him until we get there.” I thought to myself that was easier said than done. Even though Dean was brutal last night, my heart and body ached for him. I still loved him, and would never give up hope he still loved me. 

After a few hours of laying in the bed I decided to take a hot shower and go find something to eat. Before I left the room, my phone went off with a text notification.

Crowley: I told you to stay away from him. Now all he can talk about is how you tasted last night, how it was different, sweeter, innocent.

Me: I woke up with him in my room you asshole. I didn’t invite him over. Besides, I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. 

Crowley: No, but you definitely invited him in, didn’t you. Now you’ve complicated things and you’re going to pay.

Me: What’s wrong Crowley, is there a little trouble in paradise? His love for me is too strong to keep up this bro fest? You know if you hurt me, Dean will never forgive you. It doesn’t matter how long he stays a demon, I know his love for me keeps me protected, and you know it too.

Crowley: We’ll see.

I sighed as I put my phone away. Walking outside the sun was shining and the air was cool. I walked to the diner on the corner to grab some food and saw Bubba. “Well howdy, Miss. I was about to call you. I was able to get in touch with my friend and he has a hose that will fit. His wife is going to deliver it later today so I should have you up and running by this evening.” “Oh that’s great, thank you so much.” He nodded and walked away.

I walked into the diner, I could hear the clinking of dishes and chatter fill the room. The waitress smiled and told me to sit wherever I wanted, so I grabbed the corner booth at the back of the diner. Dean had taught me to find the furthest table from the entrance so I could see everyone coming and going. 

The waitress came over and took my order. I sat stirring my coffee, a weird feeling creeping up from inside. I played last night over and over in my head, along with what Dean and Crowley kept telling me about me “tasting different, sweeter, or smelling like vanilla and cookies.” It was really strange. In all the time Dean and I had been together, he had never said that to me. 

By the time my food came I was so deep in thought I didn’t realize it had arrived. “Ma’am, here’s your food.” The waitress’ words pulled me out of my thoughts. I looked up and smiled, “Thank you.” She nodded and walked away. 

I ate what I could, still feeling sick, paid my bill then left. I decided it was probably a good idea to stay in the room until Sam arrived. When I got back to the room, I turned on the TV, laid down and fell back asleep. The dream I had sent my head reeling. 

*Dream*

Dean had just gotten home from work. He loved his job as a mechanic and was working towards his own shop. I stayed at home working towards my degree. Dean and I were also expecting. Our first child, a boy, was due in a little over 3 months.

I hadn’t realized I was pregnant until I kept getting sick and Dean jokingly brought home a pregnancy test. Taking the test into the bathroom I sat it down, walked away and forgot about it. Dean and I had just sat down for dinner when he asked if we knew if I was knocked up yet. I gasped and told him I forgot about the test. Dean and I went to the bathroom and saw the two lines. 

We were shocked, excited, but shocked. Dean had been having Cass come down at least twice a week to check on me and the baby. It was endearing at how excited and scared he was. When we found out I was having a boy, Dean beamed with pride. 

As I stood cooking dinner, Dean had just come home, showered and walked up behind me. He wrapped his arms around my pregnant belly, kissed my cheek and rubbed my belly. “How are my babies today?” He asked softly in my ear. “We are good, we’re glad Daddy is home, though.” 

Dean smiled, spun me around, kissed my lips and said, “I’m glad I’m home too. I missed you two.” “I love you, Dean.” “I love you too, Y/N.”

*End of Dream*

As Dean said he loved me in the dream I woke up, reeling. My heart ached for that life. A normal life, Dean back being Dean, and us together with children. Now with him as a demon and gone, that isn’t possible. 

When I looked over at the clock I realized I had been asleep for hours. I looked at my phone and saw a text from Sam.

Sam: Hey, we are about half an hour out. When we get into town we will head straight to you.

You: Hey, sorry I was asleep. It’s been about 30 minutes since you sent that text, are you close?

As I hit send there was a knock at the door. I walked over, looked through the peephole and saw Sam. I unlocked the door and opened it. 

“Hey Sam, Cass.” Sam pulled me into a hug, “Hey, Y/N. How are you doing? Did he hurt you?” Tears pricked my eyes, “No, Sam. He didn’t hurt me. I just…” My voice trailed off as Cass stepped closer to me, looking concerned.

“Cass, we’ve talked about personal space, buddy.” “Yes, but you smell different, Y/N. You smell like sex, cookies and vanilla.” I whipped my head towards him, “Why the hell does everyone keep saying that. You, Crowley, Dean!” Sam stepped closer, “I don’t smell anything, Y/N.” 

Cass was right beside me and inhaled deeply, “That’s because you’re human. Y/N, you smell like…” His words stopped and his eyes went wide. My heart beat fast.

“I smell like what Cass?” “Y/N, I think you’re pregnant.” The room fell silent. The only sound was the sound of my heart beating wildly in my chest. “Cass, what?” Sam asked, finally breaking the silence. “I think Y/N is pregnant. That’s why she smells like cookies and vanilla. I don’t know why she would smell like sex, though.” I hung my head.

“Cass, are you telling me because I smell like cookies and vanilla you think I’m pregnant?” “Yes, pregnancy always has the same smell, cookies and vanilla.” “But I can’t be pregnant. Dean’s been gone almost 2 months and I haven’t slept with anyone but him.”

Sam stepped closer, touched my arm, “Is it possible, before Dean died and was turned into a demon the two of you had sex and made a baby?” “I guess it’s possible, Dean and I had a lot of sex, so I guess it could be possible. 

I stood in stunned silence. “Y/N, what happened when you saw Dean yesterday?” Sam’s voice low, but full of concern. I hung my head, “I woke up to him in my room, and we…um..” My voice trailed off. Sam’s eyes flashed with understanding, “Oh Y/N, please tell me you didn’t.” My voice barely a whisper, “I’m sorry Sam, he was my Dean again.” Sam gently touched my arm, “No, he’s not. He used you.”

“Don’t you think I know that!? I gave him myself again because I still fucking love him, and after he used me, he just left. Without a word, he grabbed his stuff and walked away. I’m so fucking stupid! Now Cass is telling me I might be pregnant. Sam, what am I going to do? Dean and I wanted children, but Demon Dean, could you imagine him with a baby!?” Tears started falling hard and fast, my chest rising and falling as my breathing quickened. 

Sam didn’t say a word, he stepped closer to me, wrapped me in his arms and held me as I sobbed. “Shh, it’s okay, we will figure this out. First we need to know for sure if you’re pregnant.” 

I nodded and wiped my eyes. Sam said he’d be back, he was going to run to the drug store and get a test and some other things, leaving me with Cass.

The silence was awkward at first, then I spoke softly. “Cass you told me there was a plan for Dean and I, is this what it was? For us to fall in love, for him to become a demon and leave me alone raising our child, without him?” “No, the plan is still in place, you, this child will bring Dean back.” My eyes met his, “What do you mean, Cass?” “This baby is what will help bring Dean back. This child, the product of true love, is destined for great things.” 

I looked at him, not believing what he was saying. I still wasn’t convinced I was pregnant. Then the thought kept playing in my head, what if he’s right. What if I am pregnant and this brings Dean back to me, to us. 

As we sat in silence my heart filled with a mixture of emotions. I was excited at the thought of having Dean’s baby, terrified to do it alone, and even more sad I would have to do it alone. 

What if Cass was wrong, what if Dean, well Demon Dean didn’t care about our child. What if he chose to stay a demon instead of being with me and our child. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Sam walked in holding a plastic bag. He pulled out two different types of pregnancy tests and a bottle of prenatal vitamins. “I didn’t know which one to get and if you are pregnant you should start taking these. He said as he shook the bottle at me. 

I nodded, took the two boxes in my hand and walked into the bathroom, closing the door. 

I grabbed one of the disposable plastic cups I use to rinse out my mouth and collected my urine in it. I dipped the first test in, replaced the cap and repeated it with the second test. 

One of the tests was your standard test, the other was digital. They both took about the same amount of time. I sat on the side of the tub waiting. The few minutes I had to wait felt like it drug on for hours. 

There was a soft knock at the door, “Hey, Y/N, you okay,” Sam asked softly. “Yeah, just waiting. I’ll be out soon.”

Sam didn’t push. He knew you were going through a lot, he was going through a lot. So he figured with this new possibility you were probably extra anxious. 

Your phone dinged indicating the timer was done. You stood on shaky legs, swallowed hard and picked up the first test. Two lines. You softly gasped, picking up the second test, the digital one. Pregnant was on the screen. 

Tears fell as an overwhelming wave of love, excitement, sadness and anger filled your body. You softly placed your hands on your belly. 

You opened the door to Sam standing anxiously, “Well?” He asked as he stepped closer. I looked at Sam and buried my face in his chest, “I’m pregnant, Sam.” Sam held me protectively, “okay, we will figure it out. We will keep the two of you safe.” He then placed a soft kiss on the top of my head. 

I had no idea what I was going to do. 

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[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 13

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

The intimacy of last night might have been too much for either or both of them.

sorry you’re not convincing me that scene was like groundbreaking relationship-shifting magical catharsis. but this is ultimately damen’s narration and his perception has never been 1:1 with what’s actually happening, in terms of authorial intent or what i analyze

They were gazing at each other. To Damen’s delight, Laurent reached out to trace a touch down over his body. Laurent was looking at him as if he couldn’t quite believe the fact of him, as if even touch could not quite confirm it. ‘What?’ Damen was smiling. ‘You’re very,’ said Laurent, and then, flushing, ‘attractive.’ ‘Really,’ said Damen, in a rich, warm voice. ‘Yes,’ said Laurent.

this is laurent being soft, but also still being laurent. if that makes sense. the one scene we’ve gotten through his pov has shown that he overthinks every aspect of a situation—the fact that he just awkwardly states that he has observed that damen is hot, in an attempt to ground himself in some kind of objective knowledge, is both adorable and poignant

‘Well,’ Damen owned, turning his head back to Laurent eventually, ‘You are too.’ Laurent dropped his head slightly, on the edge of laughter. He said, with absurd fondness, ‘Most people tell me that right away.’

damen always thought it, but i think laurent appreciates that he didn’t say it then. he really appreciates hearing it now, because damen actually knows him. the compliment has substance and weight and importance that it otherwise wouldn’t. it’s funny bc laurent has used his beauty to manipulate damen before—the baths, verisimilitude, etc.—but i think this is the first time he actually WANTS damen to find him beautiful. maybe even the first time he wants anyone to find him beautiful, for reasons other than strategy (like with torveld)

Sweet and simple in the morning, Laurent’s beauty was heart-stopping.

“you like it simple” my thoughts about that single line of dialogue from chapter 7 is going to continue to be a subject of importance throughout these annotations, as damen ~finally gets what he wants~ from laurent (not using quotation marks bc i don't want to make it look like that's in the text, but i'm being like sarcastic/ironic/whatever)

If there had been a chance for our countries to be—’ Friends.

i like how immature his thought here is, evidenced by the fact that he doesn’t even say it. damen knows it’s silly to think about politics like this, but he’s so attached to laurent as an individual that he’s starting to see vere as a person too. which is both great, bc it shows how much his character has evolved from accepting everything he once believed, but also highlights the way damen can lose himself and his critical thinking in his attachments

'I would have been trailing around tugging on your sleeve, trying to get a look in edgewise.'

cue a bazillion pieces of fanart

After a moment, Laurent said, ‘He would have liked you.’ ‘Even after I started courting his little brother?’ said Damen carefully. He watched Laurent stop, the way that he did when he was taken by surprise, and then lift his eyes to meet Damen’s. ‘Yes,’ said Laurent softly, his cheeks reddened slightly.

this is soooo crazy for them. while i think it does represent legit development, i also think they’re kind of acting the parts of people who are lot more healed and happy than they actually are. like they feel the desire for lightheartedness and vulnerability, and don’t want to deal with the things that make them uncomfortable anymore, so they’re just committing to the bit that they’re fine and seeing where it takes them. see also: the previous sex scene. but they still have big problems (see also: the previous sex scene again) and the book is not over yet

‘No. Listen to me.’ He felt Laurent’s hand firm on the back of his neck. ‘I’m not going to let my uncle hurt you.’ Laurent’s blue gaze was calm and steady, as if he had made a decision and wanted Damen to know it. ‘It’s what I came here last night to say. I’m going to take care of it.’ ‘Promise me,’ Damen heard himself say. ‘Promise me we won’t let him—’ ‘I promise.’

oh he already knows he’s trading himself for damen’s not-son, doesn’t he. which also makes the uncertain and uncomfortable vibes of the previous scene make a lot of sense. it’s kind of a repeat of their sex scene in prince’s gambit, except this time only laurent knows it’s probably the last time (or one of the last times) they’ll ever have together

actually wow yeah, laurent’s insistence here—“listen to me, it’s what i came to say, i promise’—that really nails down the finality and desperation he’s feeling. and damen just Didn’t Get It, and still doesn’t. which is interesting bc he was so pleased in the last scene that laurent was finally being honest, and accepting him for who he was. while laurent was accepting damen finally, and wasn’t even really LYING about his intentions (like right here, he pretty much deadass says it), damen is so distracted and overwhelmed by this romantic victory that he doesn’t notice the tragedy looming

also—“let him” what, exactly? “hurt him?” do you think laurent thinks damen knows what the regent specifically did to him, and could do to his son? bc if i didn’t know that he didn’t know, this line would pretty much indicate that he did. wow that is an incoherent sentence.

Laurent said it seriously, his voice honest; no game playing, just the truth.

damen isn’t actively trying to deceive the reader, but he is definitely incorrect in his certainty a lot of the time. but then again, those words were the truth—laurent is not going to let his uncle hurt damen’s not-kid, and it was the reason he visited last night.

The kissing this time had an echo of last night’s desperation, a need to block out the outside world and stay for a moment longer in this cocoon, Laurent’s arms winding around his neck.

okay what did i just say. we are so fucking back (in terms of actually good analysis)

‘Come in,’ said Laurent, turning his head towards the sound. Damen said, ‘Laurent,’ shocked and on full display as the door swung open. Pallas entered. Laurent greeted him with no self-consciousness at all. ‘Yes?’ Laurent’s voice was matter-of-fact. Pallas’s mouth opened. Damen saw what Pallas saw: Laurent like some dream of a newly fucked virgin, himself unmistakably above him, fully roused. He flushed all over. In Ios, he might have dallied with a lover while a household slave attended to some task in the room, but only because a slave was so far beneath him in status as not to signify. The idea of a soldier watching him make love to Laurent was breaking open his mind. Laurent had never even taken an acknowledged lover before, let alone—

ironic that damen was so overjoyed in the last chapter about this exact situation—that it was LAURENT who he had, being vulnerable and acting like his past submissive partners coughslaves —but when he actually gets spotted in this situation he’s like oohhhhhhh my goddddd nooooo!

like i know i kinda talk shit about akelions a lot, but the persistent theme that it’s inherently some kind of like natural entitlement of the “powerful” (royal, rich etc.) to possess and use people designated beneath them in status just truly reveals how weak and transparent their power actually is. like of course you’re going to look strong, if you only allow yourself to be seen with people you’ve placed in lower stations. some of damen’s shame here must be due in part to his akelion upbringing, but that same upbringing is WHY he got so excited about making someone as powerful and stubborn as laurent submissive and vulnerable to him. in a culture where it’s encouraged to keep it simple, he’s found himself deeply rewarded by the complication of laurent in ways he’d never anticipated, but also afraid of how that complication will come across to his countrymen.

Pallas turned blindly, and made for the door. ‘What is it?’ Laurent looked at Damen, who had detached himself and was sitting with the sheet pulled up to where he had clutched it to cover himself. And then, with the burgeoning delight of discovery, ‘Are you shy?’ ‘In Akielos we don’t,’ said Damen, ‘in front of other people.’ ‘Not even the King?’ ‘Especially not the King,’ said Damen, for whom the King still partly meant his father. ‘But how does the court know if the royal marriage has been consummated?’ ‘The King knows whether or not it has been consummated!’ Horrified. Laurent stared at him. Damen was surprised when Laurent dropped his head, and even more surprised when Laurent’s shoulders started shaking. Around the laughter emerged, ‘You wrestled him without any clothes on.’ ‘That is sports,’ said Damen. He folded his arms, thinking that Veretians lacked any sense of dignity, even as Laurent sitting up and pressing a delighted kiss to his lips had him slightly mollified.

love this lighter shot at the cultural miscommunications here. but MAN is it hard to ignore the giant dark shadow over laurent’s every word and action here. unless you’re damen i guess, but that’s part of why they’ve always worked well together (see other annotations about damen allowing laurent to feel like a person beyond his trauma because he doesn’t really understand it, while still being a fiercely protective and uniquely intuitive partner in romance and life)

Later, ‘The King of Vere really consummates his marriage in front of the court?’ ‘Not in front of the court,’ said Laurent, as if this were unspeakably foolish, ‘in front of the Council.’ ‘Guion is on the Council!’ said Damen.

it is very funny to realize how in vere, sex is basically a form of bureaucracy and political posturing. and it’s like, some people are having fun with it, but others aren’t. as opposed to akielos, where it’s also posturing but sounds like pretty much everyone who is high-class enough to have slaves is very happy to partake. unlike vere, they do it in the privacy of their bedrooms, and people are taught to believe it’s happening and respect it. in vere, if it’s NOT happening in a public forum, no one really gives a shit and it might as well not be happening at all.

basically, sex is a means of political posturing and demonstrating status in both kingdoms, but in distinctly different ways. in akielos, it’s the equivalent of subtly telling everyone at the hedge fund that you have an affluent lifestyle by wearing certain clothes and using advanced technology. you’re perceived and accepted as certified finance bro by tasteful implication. but in vere, it’s more like straight-up driving your third tesla into the office and loudly counting your money during staff meetings (i don’t know if hedge funds have staff meetings) so it’s garishly undeniable to your wealthy peers that you belong

‘I’m sorry Govart is dead. I know you were trying to keep him alive.’

“sorry for your loss, of the man you killed with a chair. we both fuckin hated the guy but he would have made great leverage” they really are rubbing off on each other <3

‘I thought he knew something that I could use against my uncle. It doesn’t matter. We’ll stop him another way.’

and what way would that be. laurent. (also, a surprise tool that will help us later!)

‘It was nothing. There was a knife fight. I got free, and Guion and I came to an arrangement.’

and it was one of the best chapters in the entire series

‘You were taken prisoner, you single-handedly escaped from the cells at Fortaine, and somehow managed to get Guion to switch sides on the way out?’ ‘Well,’ said Laurent, ‘not everyone is as bad at escaping as you are.’

laurent would enjoy tabletop roleplay gaming so much. also i love them

‘When you lost your brother, was there someone to comfort you?’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘In a way.’ ‘Then I’m glad,’ said Damen. ‘I’m glad you weren’t alone.’ Laurent pushed himself away, up into a sitting position, and for a moment he sat, without speaking. He pushed his palms into his eye sockets. ‘What is it?’ ‘It’s nothing,’ said Laurent.

ohhhhhh my god (i wonder if mentally laurent is like, ‘well i thought he might have figured it out, but i guess not. how the fu—‘)

‘We should—’ ‘And we will.’ Laurent turned to him, sliding fingers into his hair. ‘But first, we have the morning.’

“and then i will turn myself in to my abusive creep of an uncle as a solution to the problem i’m ignoring. but for now, this is a romance novel, and i’m stepping into your genre for a change”

(which is i think the main thing i missed in my analysis of the previous chapter, by the way. i’ve written so much about damen being forced into laurent’s genre but remaining romantic despite the horrors, but that last scene was a subversion where laurent is forcing himself to ignore the horrors so he can both indulge damen’s perception of them and try to experience it himself as a relief from the imminent tragedy and his past traumas)

After, they talked.

great thing to write after a fade to black sex scene! reminds us what their relationship really is about, beyond the physicality and emotional catharsis. these two fell in love doing battle strategy, remember?

Servants brought a breakfast of fruits, soft cheese, honey and breads on round platters,

glad to see thematically appropriate fruit basket guy is still finding work, even though damen and laurent are un-marrieddivorced

Damen took the seat closest to the wall, affixing the gold pin he had recovered to the cotton at his shoulder. Laurent sat in a relaxed pose, in only pants and a loose shirt, its collar and sleeves still open. Laurent was talking.

i love prince’s gambit

Damen realised that Laurent was letting him in to a part of himself he had never shared before, and he found himself drawn in to the political complexities, even as the experience felt new, and a little revelatory. Laurent never opened his thoughts like this, but always kept his planning intensely private, making his decisions alone.

damen i think you’re underestimating how much laurent showed you in the last book, compared to literally every other person he talks to

‘You are not keeping slaves in your household.’ ‘I can’t imagine why,’ said Damen.

smash cut to the cover of captive prince, a novel by cs pacat

‘You hate the idea of slavery. It turns your stomach.’ Damen said it, a flat statement of truth. ‘If I’d been anyone else, you would have freed me on the first night.’

doing my analysis for me. how far we’ve come

‘When I argued the case for slavery in Arles you didn’t try to change my mind.’ ‘It is not a subject for an exchange of ideas. There is nothing to say.’ ‘There will be slaves in Akielos. We are a slave culture.’

wow, i’m actually kind of surprised damen hasn’t already committed to dismantling the entire practice. i know he gets there eventually, and maybe he wants to at this point—but he’s still like, “well other people are going to do it and that’s their right.” maybe that’s the incomplete part of his development here: he’s decided that it’s wrong for HIM to be doing, as a result of his experiences and tastes, but hasn’t quiet grasped that is a universally wrong practice, even if it’s his friends and allies doing it

Damen said, ‘Are pets and their contracts so different? Did Nicaise have a choice?’ ‘He had the choice of the poor with no other way to survive, the choice of a child powerless to his elders, the choice of a man when his King gives him an order, which is no choice at all, and yet still more than is afforded to a slave.’

yep, i’m a little rusty but i do remember a lot of my laurent character analysis having to do with the fact that he would rather be doing something on purpose even if it isn’t something he wants to do, than given no choice or ability to HAVE thoughts or preferences at all. free will is extremely important to laurent, and the idea of losing it is both terrifying and shameful to him. so even in situations of financial desperation or lack of power due to age or status, laurent still believes that there is more of choice to willing submission than just never being “afforded” the ability to make choices in the first place—even if slaves live under less stressful or overall comfier conditions. even the most desperate, poor, powerless victim still has more personhood and autonomy allowed to them than a slave. and without that foundation of personhood and autonomy, there is no purpose to life.

laurent thrives on having purpose, and suffers without it. and in his big pov chapter we're also told that he often has hope, despite everything, and has to regulate it in order to be realistic. there is no purpose for a slave, and there is no hope for a slave. at least with veretian pets, at least for laurent in the veretian court, he still had purpose, and he still had hope. i think the only time in laurent's life where he did NOT feel purpose/hope was when he was under the regent's thumb, which had only happened because laurent lost hope and purpose due to auguste's death and leaned on the regent for comfort. and that situation had only really changed because the regent stopped being attracted to laurent as result of natural aging, not even because laurent was eventually able to change things due to his own internal strength. that's fucked up, man. but it does explain laurent's perspective.

Damen felt again the shock of hearing Laurent voice his private beliefs. He thought of him, helping Erasmus. He thought of him visiting the girl from the village, teaching her a sleight-of-hand trick. For the first time, he caught a glimmer of what Laurent would be like as a king. He saw him, not as the Regent’s unready nephew, not as Auguste’s younger brother, but as himself, a young man with a collection of talents thrown into leadership too early, and taking it on, because he was given no other choice.

damen, assessing laurent’s situation: he was given no other choice, but he’s still trying his best :(

laurent, miserable and tired but possessing free will: i am MAKING the choice to do this to the very best of my ability, using my compassion and intelligence in a way no one else could. even if it sucks, even if i could do something else (because i absolutely could), i am CHOOSING to be the kind of king my people deserve. having “no choice” would mean lacking the will to choose to do anything but the exact thing i’ve been trained to do, which is how both akielion slaves and princes are groomed to live (re: the latter—consider damen’s musing on his father, the military, and tradition)

I would serve him, he thought, and that itself was like a little revelation.

back in book 1 i highlighted the overall thematic question: can there be honor in submission?

yes. like this. so much has led to this line, subtly and slowly, and we’re finally seeing it said outright. damen would serve laurent because of the person he is, not the royal status that has been put upon him by birth. and he’d be doing so as a person with free will, acknowledging laurent’s complications as well as his own, instead of the imitation of a slave who can’t choose anyway so might as well just go along with it.

in other words, he’s leveling up his commitment to the bit <3

‘I know what you think of my uncle, but he is not—’ Laurent spoke after a pause. ‘Not?’ ‘He won’t hurt the child,’ said Laurent. ‘Whether it is your son or Kastor’s, it is leverage. It is leverage against you, against your armies, and against your men.’ ‘You mean that it hurts me more that my son is alive and whole than it would if he were maimed or dead.’ ‘Yes,’ said Laurent.

laurent: i know that you think my uncle is simply bloodthirsty and evil, and would only think to injure or kill your not-son, but you don’t understand that he would rather sexually abuse a young boy than kill him. because he did that to me. which you haven’t figured out. although you did know about nicaise. but you seem to have a blind spot about the entire topic.

damen: wait, what do YOU think i think of your uncle?

laurent: ignores the question basically, the kid wouldn’t get hurt, because it’s useful to my uncle to keep him intact as leverage against us both. (especially against me, because i know what he would do to that boy, but if i explained that i would have to explain why, so i’m not going to mention it specifically)

damen: so like. he won’t kill the kid because he can torture and manipulate us with it more effectively if it’s alive

laurent: somehow i have told the truth and you do understand it, but there is so much that you still don’t understand

He said it seriously, looking into Damen’s eyes. Damen felt every muscle in his body ache with the effort of not thinking of it. Of not thinking the other, darker thought, the one that at all costs must be avoided. He tried to think instead of a way forward, though it was impossible.

possibilities for “the other thought”:

1) the obvious one, and the most likely in my opinion: the regent would assault the child.

damen has a reason to suspect this, because he is aware of both nicaise and aimeric

in terms of craft and characterization, this a little hint that damen might have considered laurent being abused, but eventually dismissed the notion because it is TOO dark and too upsetting to acknowledge

^^^ active repression is in-line with damen’s overall tendencies

2) the other darker thought is the death or torture of the child, which laurent is explicitly telling him will not happen. damen is accepting that “comfort” uncritically because it doesn’t make him feel as upset or powerless as the alternative. the regent’s abuse of young boys is not being considered at all.

‘My uncle knows you won’t move against him while he holds the child,’ said Laurent. And then, calmly, steadily, ‘So we get him back.’

not going to lie, i’m not the biggest fan of the baby as a plot device. but i get why it’s used, and how it connects a lot of characters, especially like jokaste and kastor who haven’t been present in previous books. i just think it might have been more effective if it was a child that damen and/or laurent actually knew—although i do understand that the baby’s “royal lineage” probably comes into play here. but i also think a big theme of the series is about honor coming from integrity in action, rather than blood or status. but it is just a fuckin baby, and a baby is the ultimate symbol of innocence and helplessness. so maybe it’s just kind of a wash.

also the confusion about the paternity kinda just annoys me. i get that to damen it doesn’t matter, but then like. make it kastor’s baby for sure, then. that would give damen’s integrity and family oriented nature even more of a spotlight.

(maybe it is confirmed to be kastor’s at some point. i didn’t pay that much attention to this plot beat the first time around)

He looked for changes in her, but the cool, untouchable air was the same, as was the particular way that her eyes regarded him. She had the same colouring as Laurent. She had the same mathematical mind. They were like a matched pair, except that her presence was different.

it’s both telling and sweet that damen is so used to having his mind changed by laurent, who ended up so much more honorable and understandable than originally believed, that his first instinct with jokaste is to look for signs of that same potential. as opposed to damen in captive prince chapter one, whose first thought seeing laurent was “he would be an expensive sex slave”

There was a part of Laurent that was always in tension, even when he affected calm. Jokaste’s unassailable composure seemed like serenity, until you knew she was dangerous. A similar core of steel, perhaps, existed in both.

i think you might have just been down bad for jokaste in a specific way, and down bad for laurent in a different way. jokaste definitely isn’t making you feel serene now, is she? and laurent, inversely, is a great comfort to you when you first thought he was unpleasant. another example of the overarching damen nice=/=good and mean=/=bad theme.

She didn’t seem perturbed by her incarceration, or even really to notice it.

like damen in the cell, internally attentive to every little detail. i bet jokaste is too.

He said, ‘Is there a child?’

he wants it to be untrue, so the regent doesn’t have leverage over him. i also think he’s partially asking if it’s HIS, although that’s more of a personal thing that wouldn’t impact his actions in saving the kid

‘I have told you that there is,’ said Jokaste. ‘I wasn’t talking to you,’ said Damen. The attending women seated around Jokaste were of varying ages, from the eldest of perhaps sixty to the youngest, Jokaste’s age, around twenty-four.

he's learning!

‘Let me tell you what is going to happen. You are going to be executed. You are going to be executed whatever you say or do. But I will spare your women, if they agree to answer my questions.’

damen immediately doing what he’s so upset the regent is doing to him and laurent is fascinating. like “oh i have an idea of how i can challenge jokaste into talking! use human lives as leverage! wonder where that came from, anything recently happen…? oh right.”

He said to the soldiers behind him, ‘Take them.’ Jokaste said, ‘This plan of action will mean the death of the child.’ He said, ‘We haven’t established that there is a child.’ She smiled, as if pleased to discover a pet capable of a trick. ‘You’ve never been very good at games. I don’t think you have what it takes to play against me.’ He said, ‘I’ve changed.’

this entire war hinges on schroedinger’s inconvenient baby

also, jokaste was born in the wrong kingdom. i think part of the reason she’s so terrible is that she’s bored in akielos. vere’s political landscape would be enrichment for her and she’d probably thrive in that environment, and feel no desire or need to establish her status by getting pregnant by a prince

okay sorry but like. au where laurent reluctantly teams up with young noblewoman jokaste a year or so after the regent stops assaulting him, and they work together to overthrow him through complicated court political maneuvers. laurent is motivated by obvious reasons, and jokaste is mostly just personally slighted by the regent’s misogynistic court and therefore annoyed, but deep down they both know she cares about him and wants things to be better. and obviously he cares about her bc it’s laurent and he cares about everything, just doesn’t want the world to know it

‘You are the only one protected in your arrangement. These women are going to die. Unless they talk to me.’ She said, ‘You have changed. Or is this the new power behind the throne? Who am I really negotiating with here, I wonder?’

damen wouldn’t. he knows it, jokaste knows it, and laurent DEFINITELY knows it. he would not tell damen or expect damen to do this as anything more than a bluff to assess jokaste’s commitment to the bit

He was already nodding to the nearest soldier. ‘Start with her.’ It wasn’t pleasant. The women resisted, and there was screaming. He watched impassively as soldiers took hold of the women and began to drag them from the room.

wait holy fuck did he do it?? it’s not entirely clear. but i think he fucking did??? is it written vaguely to make the reader have this exact confused reaction?? hold please i’m reading more

EDIT: it's "women" and not "woman." i originally read it as "woman," meaning that the first was specifically resisting and screaming as she died, and then the soldiers seized everyone else. if it's plural women, i think it's safe to say that the first woman did not actually die, the soldiers just mobilized in a way that made kyrina scared enough to tell damen the truth, despite jokaste's warnings

‘No,’ said Jokaste. ‘He will not kill a roomful of women for loyalty to their mistress, Kyrina.’

still not saying outright if he killed the one woman, and i have to wonder WHY, if not to intentionally confuse and stress out the reader. it could go both ways with these carefully chosen words of dialogue—“he will not kill a roomful of women for loyalty.” “roomful” could imply that he already killed one but she thinks he wouldn’t kill multiple (but from what we and jokaste know of damen, that assumption makes very little sense—he’s not really like a utilitarian trolley problem kind of guy, although i guess laurent is). but “for loyalty” implies that she does understand damen, and the assumption that he would not kill for the REASON of loyalty, because it’s something he respects in himself and others. hhhhh

EDIT: see previous annotation

‘There is a child. He was taken to Ios.’ ‘That’s enough,’ said Jokaste. ‘None of us know if the child is yours. She says it is.’ ‘That’s enough, Kyrina,’ said Jokaste. ‘There’s more,’ said Damen. ‘Exalted—’ said Kyrina— —as Jokaste said, ‘No.’ —

turns out when your status is predicated on power earned by force rather than earned respect, the people serving you are going to submit to the strongest person in the room. unfortunately for jokaste, she just stopped being perceived as the strongest person in the room

‘My lady did not trust the Regent of Vere to protect her interests. In the case that there was no other way to save her life, the wet nurse could be instructed to bring the child to you—in exchange for Jokaste’s freedom.’

she’s out-veretianing the regent of vere.

oh ALSO!! it’s neat how based on jokaste’s attendant calling him “regent” and not “king,” jokaste must also casually refer to him as such, not actually respecting him or his false title

Damen sat back in his chair, and lifted his brows slightly at Jokaste.

that’s laurent-brand cuntiness. should have added a lean though

'There is no way to circumvent my conditions.'

that phrase is like catnip to damen and laurent. one time damen ripped a metal grate out of a wall

Jokaste, he thought, believed that it was impossible for him to travel into Ios, and that there was no place where it was safe for him to attempt an exchange. But there was a place where two enemies could meet without fear of ambush.

i like how the kingsmeet is set up for a way for damen and laurent to ensure that the regent doesn’t hurt them, but in a twist it ends up being the regent’s plan to anger damen so much that damen breaks the rules and tries to throw hands

‘But you’re a fool to trust him. He has his own plans.’ ‘He has never pretended otherwise,’ said Damen.

true. and perfect for this exact conversation. this is what‘s really being said, i think—

jokaste: laurent may be giving you good ideas, but it’s stupid to trust him because he’s definitely also keeping some of his manipulations from you

damen: he’s never claimed to be honest, which ironically makes him more honest than you. i know he has secrets and i trust him anyway, because i know him. you never even gave me the chance to know you, for whatever reason, and i was a fool for trusting you and faced the worst consequences imaginable. at least when laurent tortured me, we both thought he was my enemy. you tortured me when you were supposed to be my ally. you have not earned my trust and respect, and laurent has, and ultimately that’s your loss. because i know you appreciated my integrity and honor, two things that you believe that you can not afford to have yourself.

(maybe it’s not that deep. but i think it’s satisfying to consider, with the little we’ve been told about their history)

He looked at her, alone on the low couch. He couldn’t help but remember the day they met. She had been presented to his father, daughter of a minor noble from Aegina, and he had been able to look nowhere else. It was three months of courtship before she was in his arms. He said, ‘You chose a man who was bent on destroying his own country. You chose my brother, and look where it’s left you. You have no position, no friends. Even your own women have turned on you. Don’t you think it’s a shame things had to end this way between us?’

NOPE IT’S THAT DEEP I NAILED IT

“i loved you so deeply and immediately and would have done anything for you. kastor doesn’t give a shit about you or this country. the way this ended between us was your choice, and it was a bad one. your loss.”

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Kastor should have killed you.’

and we know he’s right, and that he hit a vein, because the woman who pretends to be cool and detached and in control basically just tells him that she can’t handle him being around.

[impromptu-sketches]

𝔹𝕃 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟛 ✦ 𝕎ℝ𝔸ℙ-𝕌ℙ

Happy New Year! ☕️⋅˚₊‧🌸•₊✧📖｡⋆

For all of the BL stories I've read this past year, I have a winner in 13 categories and 5 overall 2023 winners!!

This was an amazing year for BL and incredibly hard just to narrow these down to only five per category. Thank you to all of the authors, writers, and creators out there! We appreciate your hard work ♡

Enjoy!

.

.

✰ FUNNIEST

And the nominees are...

Killer Crush (2022 winner)

Punch Drunk Love

Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi / The World's Greatest First Love: The Case of Ritsu Onodera

Lucky Paradise

Sasaki and Miyano

And the winner is...

PUNCH DRUNK LOVE

Moscareto, you've done it again. I'm literally laughing every chapter. The characters, the art, the whole story is amazing. Can't wait to continue reading it this year and will definitely be a re-read for me down the line. Love those AU chapters too!!

.

✰ MOST INTRIGUING

And the nominees are...

Mad Place (2021 winner)

Lost in the Cloud

Shutline

Liveta

I Became the Lousy Side Top

And the winner is...

I BECAME THE LOUSY SIDE TOP

Yay!! I was so surprised by this manhwa. I started to re-read it and suddenly it was taking over my thoughts - the transportation mystery and the shifting love triangle has me hooked!! I'm so excited to see where it goes from here ❀

.

✰ BEST S3X SCENES

And the nominees are...

Pearl Boy

Love in Orbit

Coyote

Taming the Tiger

The Ghost's Nocturne

And the winner is...

COYOTE

I mean... everything this author does is beautiful and sexy af. Their very first sex scene was... very good. The difference in species, the secrets, the newness, the amazing art style (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ Easily some of the hottest scenes I've read.

.

✰ FAVORITE FLUFF

And the nominees are...

Our Dining Table

The Third Ending

Sasaki and Miyano

Hirano and Kagiura

Our Sunny Days

And the winner is...

OUR DINING TABLE

Awwwwww this one was so cute!! I read and also watched the live action which was great ♡ I usually don't get attached to shorter mangas because you don't spend as much time with the story and characters, but because I watched the live action with this one it's stuck in my heart. Super soft romance ♡

.

✰ FAVORITE BOTTOM

And the nominees are...

Seo-an | The Pizza Delivery Man and the Gold Palace (2022 winner)

Victor | Liveta (2021 winner)

Sangwoo | Semantic Error

Seon-Woo | Punch Drunk Love

Yeonwu | Banana Scandal

And the winner is...

SEON-WOO | PUNCH DRUNK LOVE

He really stole my heart with his hilarious daydreams and fantasies, but I grew to love this character even more because of his sweet (yet sexually charged) nature and the fact that he's genuine and earnest. So cute and just an overall unique character ♡

.

✰ FAVORITE TOP

And the nominees are...

Giovanni | Hold Me Tight (2021 winner)

Dooshik | Pearl Boy

Ash | Define the Relationship

Juwon | High Clear

Yoonseul | The Third Ending

And the winner is...

GIOVANNI | HOLD ME TIGHT

Giovanni again!! ♡ It was super tough to choose from this list of amazing men but as I've said many, many times, Giovanni has my whole heart. I simply love him.

Like a lot of the tops on this list (I love the green flags the most ♡) he's different from the typical top who's a company president/director. He doesn't care about money, power, or really anything else except the ones he loves - which is mainly just Felix. One of my favorite things about Giovanni is that he'll drop absolutely anything to go to Felix's side, no questions asked. And sometimes a few questions would be a good thing.

.

✰ FAVORITE COUPLE

And the nominees are...

Dooshik & Jooha | Pearl Boy (2021 and 2022 winner)

Skylar & Cirrus | Lost in the Cloud

Taeman & Dahyeok | Killer Crush

Sangwoo & Jaeyoung | Semantic Error

Sasaki & Miyano | Sasaki and Miyano

Woo-won & Seo-an | The Pizza Delivery Man & the Gold Palace

And the winner is...

DOOSHIK & JOOHA | PEARL BOY

Dooshik & Jooha again!! ♡ It was so hard to choose from this list!! But if you've read Pearl Boy, you know these two are the epitome of ride or die. On top of that, they're also so many other things, like adorable, awkward, funny, silly, and incredibly sexy. I absolutely LOVED their awkward and silly beginning and both of their determination throughout the story to be with each other and care for each other ♡♡

(Yes I have six in this category but I couldn't take any of these off the list!!)

.

✰ FAVORITE SIDE COUPLE

And the nominees are...

Potato & Heesung | Jinx

Sys & Randolph | King's Maker: Triple Crown

Deisel & Ein | Wolf in the House

Taeman & Da-hyuk | Killer Crush

Seo & Do-Hyeok | My Suha (side chapters)

And the winner is...

SEO & DO-HYEOK | MY SUHA (SIDE CHAPTERS)

I'm kind of surprised this won, but I can't lie. I ate these side chapters up. Every week I looked forward to seeing if these two were going to fight, f*ck, or fight while f*cking. I didn't think it would end so soon and abruptly. I was also hoping for a different ending. But I'm happy we got this story in the first place because I don't think anyone expected these two characters to interact, I'm glad we got to see it. And maybe we'll see more of them someday? A girl can dream.

.

✰ COUPLE I MOST WANT TO BE IN A THROUPLE WITH

And the nominees are...

Our Sunny Days

Define the Relationship

The Pizza Delivery Man and The Gold Palace

Pearl Boy

Hold Me Tight

And the winner is...

DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP

:'( Sadly none of these will become a reality, but if I could choose a relationship to be welcomed into with open arms, it would be with these two beautiful men. Two alphas? Are you kidding me? Two alphas, one top one bottom... yes please!!

.

✰ FAVORITE MAIN CHARACTER

And the nominees are...

Seon-Woo | Punch Drunk Love

Juwon | High Clear

Yoonseul | The Third Ending

Taeman | Killer Crush

Shin | Shutline

And the winner is...

TAEMAN | KILLER CRUSH

Taeman ♡♡♡ we've got ourselves a killer / babygirl! Really the perfect example of 'get you a man who can do both.' He'll kill a wild boar to save you no sweat then cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie with you. He's shy and blushes a lot, he's also calm, cool, and collected when he needs to be. He is everything to me ♡ Looking forward to re-reading Killer Crush soon before the next season comes out!!

.

✰ FAVORITE SIDE CHARACTER

And the nominees are...

Deisel | Wolf in the House

Woojin | Lucky Paradise

Sys | King's Maker: Triple Crown

Heesung | Jinx

Potato | Jinx

And the winner is...

SYS | KING'S MAKER / KING'S MAKER: TRIPLE CROWN

Where do I start? I love him ♡ I love everything about him. I love his cuteness and his cheerful energy. I fucking love his dom side, his choice of outfits for himself and others, his taste in men. What an icon. I'm sure I'll have much more to say after actually reading season 3.

.

✰ FAVORITE BOY

And the nominees are...

Kim Dan | Jinx

Dooshik | Pearl Boy

Giovanni | Hold Me Tight

Yoonseul | The Third Ending

Juwon | High Clear

And the winner is...

JUWON | HIGH CLEAR

I love this boy so much! So cute, so funny, incredibly awkward, and so freaking sexy. I love his tough energy in the beginning and his more recent soft top energy. His chibis kill me every single time. And I think it's well known by now that characters with red hair like this are my weakness (>ω<)

.

✰ FAVORITE TOXIC BL

And the nominees are...

Twittering Birds Never Fly

Low Tide in Twilight

Jinx

Under the Green Light

My Suha (side chapters)

And the winner is...

TWITTERING BIRDS NEVER FLY

How can I not choose Twittering Birds when I've been obsessed with it for like 3 years? I re-read it a few months ago and cannot get enough of these two. I love it. I need more. I pray for a happy ending - though not anytime soon. I cannot get enough of their tension and the recent chapters!!!! ⁂((✪o✪))⁂ I'm so excited to see what we'll see from them this year.

.

✰ SUING FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

And the winner is...

PEARL BOY

I bawled my eyes out after seeing one tiktok of these two. The ending... while technically happy... had me in tears. Really, I was in distress throughout the entire series. And also the ending could have been happier and more clear in my opinion. But was it all worth it? Yes. Would I do it again? Ideally I would read it all in one go, but still yes.

.

✰ FAVORITE NEW BL

And the winner is...

OUR SUNNY DAYS

Ahhhhhhh!!! I'm so happy about this new BL!! So wholesome, so cute, SO FUNNY!! Not even 10 chapters in and I already adored all three of them. So much warmth ♡ I would read 100+ chapters about them just going about their daily lives.

The author apologized in chapter 22(?) because we had to wait so long for spicier chapters - first, I did not once feel like I was waiting too long for spicy chapters, I wasn't even thinking about that, I was just happy and second, dear author, you never have to apologize for anything, you're creating a masterpiece here. I already know it's going to be one of my all time favorites ♡♡♡

.

✰ FAVORITE ONGOING BL

And the winner is...

SEKAI-ICHI HATSUKOI / THE WORLD'S GREATEST FIRST LOVE: THE CASE OF RITSU ONODERA

Oh my god... I read this for the first time this year, not expecting much but to my surprise I enjoyed every second of it 0_0

It was just so fun! Ritsu was hilarious and relatable (minus the nepotism), maybe controversial, but I love Takano ♡ That man just wants Ritsu's love, he's got it so bad.

I loved reading about all of the side characters and couples too ♡♡ I will be reading Junjou Romantica and then re-reading this and then probably watching both animes. And by then, maybe, finally, Ritsu will have confessed.

.

✰ FAVORITE BL THAT ENDED THIS YEAR

And the winner is...

HOLD ME TIGHT, BANANA SCANDAL, -AND- SEMANTIC ERROR

I couldn't decide!!! How was I supposed to decide between these three??? There were so many great BLs that ended this year (ノAヽ)

Hold Me Tight - Wow, 194 episodes and I would have kept reading as far as the author wanted to go. This one has a special place in my heart because I remember exactly where I was when I started it and binged probably the whole first season. I've since re-read the entire thing, and despite how long it is, I was so sad when I got to the last chapter. One of my all time favorites. I love Giovanni and Felix so much ♡♡ I love their love ♡♡ (Leegang was my favorite side character). Funny, heartwarming, loving, wholesome ♡

Banana Scandal - I am so so SO glad that we got a season 3 ♡ Even with 190 episodes, similarly, I would have read three more seasons. I loved Taehee and Dojin in season one so much, but Yeonwoo and Taehwan stole my heart just as much at the end of season 2 and in season 3!! I will definitely be re-reading this again ♡ and recommending it forever. Sweet, funny, cute, love these boys ♡

Semantic Error - which just ended like last week it feels like. I'm so sad seeing this one end right now, I want to see more of Sangwoo and Jaeyoung ♡ I feel like there was some more to tell - I'm really hoping for a few side chapters. But overall, duh, I LOVED reading this. So funny, had me hooked from the very beginning. Enjoyed the art style, the concept, and of course the characters ♡♡ I will be re-reading this one again someday. And maybe checking out the novel...

For all of these and other ones that ended this year, I'll be so excited to read future works by these authors!!! ♡♡♡

.

✰ FAVORITE BL OF 2023

And the winner is...

SASAKI AND MIYANO -AND- HIRANO AND KAGIURA

I cheated again and included both of these for best of 2023! I think we all know why and know that I couldn't possible choose one over the other.

Sasaki & Miyano I started in the beginning of 2022 and immediately read Hirano and Kagiura after I caught up and also immediately watched the anime. And now we have a movie!

In addition to being an adorable and wholesome romance, both of these were hilarious. Miyano is my favorite, and one of my favorite panels of him is when he called Hirano an uke to his face ʱªʱªʱª(ᕑᗢूᓫ∗) Miyano you crazy fudanshi!!

The tension with both of these couples!! So freaking soft ♡ and the way I know we're all screeching at just hand holding and little touches is delightful ♡

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Thank you for reading!

[officialgleamstar]

ive been taking some haphazard character notes on the wyrdwood PCs for my own reference (mainly was trying to figure willowfine out, lol), and i figured i would share my observations for any other fan writers who has been struggling with characterization :] these notes arent in any particular order, not even in chronological order of me adding them, just kind of random XD

obviously i am not Word Of God, these are just my interpretations of what we've seen!! ive been of the opinion that capturing somebody's way of speaking is more useful than their personality ultimately, but i'm bad at explaining my observations for that, so i guess ignore that i said that and just read my personality notes hfkhdkjhfgfkdg and also, spoilers warning for up to episode three

Cressida

Wizard: Quite smart, had to learn her magic

Learned magic from her family, mostly used to prevent robbers at their family bank

Lawful evil confirmed :]

Haughty and spoiled, judgmental

SNARKY. INSTIGATOR. (affectionate)

However, lied and said that Robin’s “wine” was alright

Self-confessed as nosy, and is quite observant

Likes wine, fresh fruit, roasted vegetables

Easily disgusted, was alarmed by the violence in episode one, startled by the weevils in episode two

Panics easily, seems unused to hardship, and is cowardly

Ellen had to really consider if Cressida had ever been in a working kitchen before

Tries to use charisma often. Does not tend to work despite her stats

Will accumulate magic debt to not sit on mud, but has glamped!

Happen

Ranger: In tune with nature, has sprites

Sharpshooter, has a good eye and a steady hand

Very trusting, probably sheltered

Places a lot of faith in his goddess, believes in fate

Praise Cadence!

The only thing that he has to begrudgingly be okay with is his sprites getting captured

A little freak. Actually a pretty big freak.

Obsessive, gets attached easily

Doesn’t get upset, really, even when people are rude to him

Doesn’t think much about consequences, or perhaps isn’t meant to care

Very soft voice, a bit scratchy

Just kind of says things, very little filter

Lug

Barbarian: Passive-aggressive <3

SO unlucky. So so so unlucky

Very in tune with nature

Isolationist and quiet, but not bad with people (when they’re not hunting him for being a firbolg)

Doesn’t know other firbolgs

Seems naturally protective

Comes to Cressida’s aid without question, jumps out of the wagon to protect Michael and his dad whose name I cannot spell (Yophie?)

Lives in “an extremely small hovel in the woods”

Very knowledgeable, generally the most aware of what’s happening

Comes with the pass-agg of it all but he’s very grumpy, a bit mean (affectionate)

Takes the jobs he’s given quite seriously

Morven

Sorcerer: Her talent is natural, might be used to things going her way

Likes coffee. Probably more for staying awake than taste, but asks for it over other options

Does not like letting Robin take control

Inquisitive; first one to say that they should stay in Oakburn and investigate

Very stubborn, may have a problem with moving on from things

Was executed for dark magic by zealots

Immediately takes charge when given the option

Does NOT care about debt, does not think about consequences

Self-confessedly impatient. Called cranky by the others

Absolutely BRUTAL but takes care of her party members

Robin

Commoner: Just some guy

Likes honey :)

"Cress" he's so cute <3

Defensive of ostracized people, dislikes zealots

Impulsive and follows his heart, hops into conflict without much thought

Just a good guy!

A little desperate to be helpful

Does not like letting Morven take control

Distressed at the thought of murder

Easily impressed

Curious about others, starts the wagon talk in Howls In The Night

Good with kids, generally sweet to most people he meets

Willowfine

Cleric: Follows a goddess

Is open about thinking her goddess is more useful than Cadence

Strong feelings about the well-being of magic

Sweet and caring

Looked pained at having to agree that Cressida insulted Oakburn’s food

Can be blunt despite this, doesn’t mince her words

Somewhat stilted and quiet, possibly sheltered or under-socialized

Intense with her care

If she’s asked to do something, she just does it

Quick thinker, resorts to lying/acting her way out of things

From a matriarchal society

[youwillfindilluminating]

Roy x Jamie x Keeley and Roy x Jamie Fic Recs

On one of my Jamie meta posts, @mangoofthesea asked me to drop some recs. You don’t have to ask me twice - I love making fic rec posts!

So here we have a list of all my favorite Ted Lasso fics, as of 4/21/2023. There are many more great fics out there, but these are the ones I loved enough to download the PDFs (always a good practice!).

~*~

Roy x Jamie x Keeley:

The Care and Keeping of Jamie Tartt: http://archiveofourown.org/works/33828712  An OT3 get-together, of sorts. Roy and Keeley take Jamie back to their place after the Man City episode in season 2. Lots of h/c.

honey, I’m honed: http://archiveofourown.org/works/39291306  OT3 getting together and figuring things out. Includes insecure Jamie and emotional h/c. There’s a part 2 to this wherein Jamie has really bad hayfever and it’s 100% h/c and oooo boy, that’s so up my alley you have no idea.

feel your heart taking root in your body: http://archiveofourown.org/works/36861922  Established OT3. Jamie’s dad has surgery and Jamie has to go help him for a couple days before the at-home nurses get arranged. There’s no way in hell Roy is letting him go by himself. So much protective!Roy and emotional h/c it’ll blow your mind. And even more h/c when they get back home and Keeley can join in.

 ~*~

Roy x Jamie:

and you know you don’t have to go:  http://archiveofourown.org/works/35473468  Roy takes Jamie home post Man City (season 2). This is just a great Man City episode fic that hits all the beats it’s supposed to hit. It remains in-character and realistic while still letting these boys be soft.

Flinch: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46399873  God, I fucking love this one. It’s like the author says: an attempt to compress a Jamie Tartt manifesto down to 10k.  Set during season 3. Includes several mentions of Jamie’s father’s abuse. Definitely deals with issues of Jamie attaching all of his value to his body’s ability to perform (in football, etc.).

Blowing in the Wind: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46631650 Set during 3x06. Windmill sex! That night, they stumble upon an Airbnb inside a windmill, and stay the night. Discussions of intimacy ensue. This is really, really sweet. It’s tough to get these boys to talk about their feelings (especially Roy) and still have them stay in character, and jedusaur does it beautifully.

say something true: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46540315  Jamie has a praise kink. Set during season 3. HOT.

A More Judicious Prick: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46241506 Set during season 3. Some D/s elements. "Roy, everything that kid has ever done was to get your attention." I really love this one. Jedusaur hits the nail on the head every fucking time.

Kind But Extremely Firm: http://archiveofourown.org/works/46230289 Another Jamie-has-a-praise-kink fic. It’s Roy x Jamie, but definitely has elements of Roy x Jamie x Keeley.

He tries to joke. “Do you need me to tell you that you’re a good boy?” The problem is, Roy’s tone and general demeanor don’t lend themselves well to joking.

“That’d be nice, coach,” Jamie says. He sounds breathless.

if you want something: http://archiveofourown.org/works/38995776  A spanking fic that hits just right (pun intended). Do you know how hard it is to find an amazing spanking fic? DO YOU??

"It helped. When you said all that stuff about how I fucked up but I had to let it go, it fucking... worked, all right? I was stuck on it and you got me unstuck, and now I'm stuck again, and I just. Wanted you to do it again."

just do it: http://archiveofourown.org/works/40282233  Consensual Non-Consent, Kink Negotiation, Safewords. Mind the tags!  This is just uhhhh very much my thing, so I had to include it. Some silliness with the safeword selection at the very end.

Player On Loan: http://archiveofourown.org/works/40139490  This one is very much What It Says On The Tin. Objectification, Sharing, Safeword Use. Basically, Keeley and Jamie are dating, but Jamie likes to be “loaned out” to Roy as a sex object. There is negotiation beforehand, and everything is consensual! This one might not be everyone’s thing, but it’s handled so well, and it hasn’t left my brain for weeks. It was written well before season 3, but it definitely deals with themes of Jamie seeing his body as social currency/used to please others, etc.

-

Part 2 of the rec list is here

Part 3 is here

[marigolddove]

This Love Hurts Us

💔 Lovesick!Wally Darling x Reader

Warnings: Possessive Behavior/Obsessive Behavior

Characters: Wally, Poppy, Howdy, Barnaby, Sally, Frank, Eddie and Julie all belong to Clown.

💌💌💌

     When the symptoms first showed, you had noticed it almost immediately, and so did a few of the others; namely Frank, Julie and Poppy.

     Wally had grown more attached to you than before, which no one knew that was even possible, and oftentimes would grow visibly nervous and irritable when you and he weren't touching. Then came the begging, he would plead and damn near cry for you to spend the night with him at your home or his, he didn't care! He also didn't want you to spend time with anyone else anymore he needed you so badly it was hurting him, you remember him gripping your wrists so tight it stung as he looked into your eyes and told you how much it hurt.

     The next day, Home locked him inside, you remember that day because you had intended on seeing Wally that morning at his home to make sure he was feeling better after the heartbreaking news he had shared the night before. You had felt awful denying him, but you didn't feel comfortable sharing a space with him, not only because of your crush on him but because of the intensity of his claims. It had been too sudden, you never thought he could ever feel the same, but suddenly he did and it felt…wrong. So very wrong.

     That morning, you made your way to Wally's home, but every step you took made your heart feel heavy and something in the back of your mind told you to turn around; but you ignored it and soon you were on Home's front porch, hand raised ready to knock. It seemed off to you that all of the shutters were closed and that home did not greet you as they normally would. 

     You ignored all signs of something being off and knocked, and soon after you flinched at the sound of a thump against the door, it almost sounded like something barreled into the door; then the door knob eerily turned, and turned and shook but the door didn't budge.

     Suddenly, "Neighbor," Wally called from inside, his voice didn't sound like him at all, he sounded hoarse and so sad, "Neighbor, is that you? Oh please…please say it's you, I need to hear you. I-I need to see you."

     "Yes, it's me Wally, are you alright? What's going on, why is the door locked and all the shutters are closed too?"

     "Oh Neighbor," Wally purred from behind the door, his voice muffled, "You're worried about me, you're just so sweet, I love that about you." Your heart flips at his confession.

     "I missed you all night you know, it was so mean not to spend the night with me, so so mean. Even after I told you how much I hurt for you, but I can't be angry with you, because I love you so much." He's rambling now, and each word causes butterflies in your stomach but also a chill down your spine, "I was going to go see you last night because it hurt so bad, I couldn't wait for morning to come, I'm sorry if that sounds scary."

     "Why didn't you?" You breathed, unsure whether he would hear you. He did.

     "I was so close to getting out of here, but Home beat me to it–" suddenly there was a bang against the door, Wally must have hit the door, "They locked me inside, cut me off, I don't know why!" The door knob jiggled as Wally continued to try and open the door, something about the sudden irritation and aggression in his tone made you step back further from the door. 

     As if he knew he startled you, his tone became very soft, almost like talking to a kitten, "Oh, I'm sorry, so sorry my heart, my love, my darling." The use of his surname as an endearment in reference to you made your heart flip once more and caught you off guard, "I hate that you have to s–hear me like this, but not seeing you is making me a little…crazy." 

     "I see that now." You say, not really knowing what else to say to that, "Wally I'm going to go get Frank or Howdy, they might know what to do for you I'll be–" 

     "NO!" Wally's desperate shout stopped you in your tracks.

     The knobs begins to jiggle again, a bit quicker and more frantic, it causes a panic to begin to bubble in your stomach.

     "Wally, I can't help you, you need medicine or something, not me."

     "No, no, no no you can help me, you can! You are, right now I swear! I need you, not medicine, please don't leave me here, please Y/N don't leave!" The panic in his voice and the shaking of the door and the knob caused the panic growing inside you to implode, suddenly without warning you ran. You ran hard and fast, hearing Wally's cries behind you, you didn't even know where you were running; and then you collided with someone.

     You let out a yelp and two large fuzzy paws reached out to grab your shoulders, saving you from a nasty fall. Looking up you find that you've run straight into Barnaby, he looks down at you worried and confused by your shaking and heavy breathing.

     "Whoa there, little buddy, what's got you in a rush?" You don't answer, you just throw your arms around Barnaby as best you can and sob into his fuzzy fur.

     He lets you do this until you've calmed down enough to hiccup out an explanation, it's quick and confusing for him at first, you have to repeat yourself quite a bit until he understands the situation. Once he understood, he took you to Poppy's home and gave her a brief explanation before leaving you in her care until he returned.

     You don't know what happened to Barnaby when he went to visit Wally, but whatever it was seemed to turn his usual goofy demeanor into a sullen one.

     You remember Barnaby making you promise not to go see Wally or call him, even after what had happened the idea of cutting Wally off upset you, and you tried to argue; but the seriousness of Barnaby's stare made you hesitate and in the end you did promise. 

     For a few days everyone, except you, still tried to call and visit him, no one ever told you what was said during those calls and visits, but whatever happened caused everyone to stop. 

     It wasn't that your friends had stopped loving him or didn't care about him, but based on what little you were told they were afraid of him and his sickness; and most importantly they couldn't handle the pain of seeing him as he is now. 

————————

     The first time Wally called you after the sickness completely changed him, it had felt like someone ripped out your heart, threw it into the street and stomped on it again and again without mercy.

     The call came one week after home took it upon themselves to quarantine and isolate him from you and the others. One week since you'd last heard his voice.

     It had been the middle of the night, ever since your last conversation with Wally you had been staying up later and later at night. Sleep didn't come easily anymore, and when you did sleep you had nightmares about him. You could still hear his voice crying out to you, for you, so scared and in pain.

     You were lying wide awake in bed holding back tears as you remembered all the sweet memories you shared with Wally and everyone and wondered if you would ever get to make more; when suddenly you were interrupted by the shrill sound of your telephone ringing downstairs. 

     'Who could be calling me at this hour?' You wondered to yourself, a part of you was afraid of the answer, but nevertheless you made your way downstairs to the phone. Hesitating briefly before picking it up and placing the receiver to your ear.

     There was breathing on the other end, but no one spoke.

     "Hello?" You timidly called out, wondering if the caller knew you picked up the phone or not.

     The caller gasped in response before speaking in such a pitifully sad tone, "Neighbor?" Dejavu hit you like a sack of potatoes, "Oh, oh neighbor–" his voice cracked, cutting himself off, a short sob came from his end and your heart sank.

     "I've missed you so much, I-I didn't think y-you would pick up." He spoke between choked sobs, "I never tho-ought I'd see you o-or hear you again!" 

     You didn't respond, how do you respond to this?

     He continued, "Please, please don't go away again. I'll be good, I promise! Just speak to me again, you can say anything! Anything! No one has come to see me, I said horrible, nasty things to them; but I didn't mean them! I just needed you, I need you still, so please don't go again, please!" His crying turned into pleading and desperation, his voice raising in pitch and intensity as he spoke. He didn't even seem to take a breath.

     "Whoa, Wally–sweetie, please take a breath and calm down." He whined at your term of endearment, it caused your heart to flutter and crack at the same time, how long had he been like this? So desperate and alone? 

     "I'm-I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me, Y/N. I don't want to feel this way, I want to love you but I don't want it to feel like this." He whimpers and squeaks a little at he tries not to cry again, "Loving you before was so much easier, now it just hurts all the time. Please make it not hurt, please I just need to see you, to feel you and hold you; it makes the pain go away." He's confessing that he loved you before?

     "Wally, please, calm down, you don't know what you're saying. This isn't you, you're sick, so very sick. I promised I wouldn't go see you–"

     "Who did you promise?" His ability to change his tone so swiftly left you dizzy and a little frightened. He sounded so serious and…dangerous, compared to his whiney bittersweet tone before.

     Feeling like you said something wrong you try to back peddle, "I-no one, just myself." You lied.

     "Who was it? Julie? Howdy? Frank?" He wasn't buying it.

     "No one! I promised myself, only me!" You stood your ground.

     "Alright then, if you say so my dear. I don't want to upset you." His tone was still scary, you didn't like this new Wally, he was unpredictable and frightening. You could tell he still didn't believe you.

     "Well a promise to yourself isn't too binding, right? You could always just break it and come see me anyway, no one would be offended by it. I think I need you more than you need to keep a promise to yourself, don't you think?" He spoke darkly, he definitely did not believe you, he was trying to get a rise out of you. You wouldn't take this, even if you do love him and know this isn't like him at all.

     "Well I think it's important, there was a time when you would have too." You said, irritation clear in your tone. 

     Everything went silent, and just as quick as before his tone changed, now soft and sweet.

     "Oh, y/n, you're right. How silly of me, so silly, anything that's important to you is important to me my darling." He cooed in your ear through the receiver, causing a shiver, you were glad he couldn't see you now as your face flushed.

     "Oh how I wish I could hold you, I do hope you'll change your mind about seeing me soon. I'm just not the same anymore without you, but for now hearing your voice is enough. Please, just speak to me, about anything and everything." His voice sounded so dreamy, you wondered what he was doing now, was he sitting in his favorite chair playing with the phone cord? Leaning against a wall as he stared at nothing at all, dreaming of you? Your face flushed even deeper at the thought. 

     "Well…" and so you complied with his request, going on about this and that, any hobbies you'd taken up or any mishaps that may have occured while he was absent; all while he seemed to listen intently, only very abruptly responding to something you'd said, as if he didn't want to hear his own voice for long. This went on for maybe an hour or more until suddenly your story about Frank accidentally catching Sally in his net the other day is interrupted by your own yawning.

     You both remain silent after the yawn, a bit of tension in the air now. 

     "Are you tired, neighbor?" Wally asks very calmly.

     "A little bit" you admit nervously, worried how he might react to you falling asleep or leaving him to go to bed.

     "I see." 

     "Um–"

     "Can you take your phone to bed?" 

     "N-no, it's too far, and I can't take it to the couch either." 

     "You can pull up a chair or move the couch closer to the phone can't you?" Was he really suggesting you stay on the phone with him until you pass out?! Maybe before the idea would've thrilled you, to be so desired by him, but in reality it's a little suffocating. 

     "Now, Wally," you start, but he interrupts.

     "I don't want you to go. You can't go." His voice is deeply serious, but there's a hint of doubt and nerves.  

     "Wally," you start again, just as serious, "I promise you we can talk again, but only after–" 

     "NO!" There he goes again, "No no no you can't do this to me again! Don't you understand?! I'm telling you I hurt, why do you want me to hurt?!"

     "Wally–" "No." 

     "Wal–" "I can't wait for you again!" 

     His shouting is the final straw, panic builds up inside you again and in response you slam the phone down onto the receiver. Staring down at it in disbelief. 

     Suddenly, the phone rings again, causing you to flinch and yelp. You pick it up, but immediately slam it down again before picking it up and placing the phone down on the table next to its body. He couldn't call you anymore, not until you put it back properly.

     Your weariness and sleep deprivation pile onto your broken heart and you sink to the floor and weep.

[silver-tooth-the-panther]

How are you doing? :3 I hooe you are doing alright!

Hi there, friend! I’ve honestly have been having some severe writing block, hence why I have done much writing as of late. Luckily, I did manage to do the Vore Day writing I promised!

Before I start the story, let me introduce the characters!

Axl is an autistic 17 year old who suffers from depression and social anxiety. His black, sharp hair has silver tips and it covers his left eye. This boy is a Beastman, which is a human-like creature that has various animal body parts. His hands and feet are paws and his limbs are covered in gray fur. His wolf tail is black with silver tips, similar to his hair, and bat-like wings are attached to his back. One trait that haunts him is his snake-like eyes and he usually wears hoodies and torn up jeans.

Aaron is an albino 17 year old Mystic, which are human-like creatures with the hinds legs of the deer, a long blue and white striped tail, hand that are like bird talons, and soft feathered wings. The colors of his eyes are mismatched, one being blue and the other being purple. His long white hair is usually tied into a braid. Aaron wears an ancient purple beast jacket and black Hakama pants.

Yes, they are gay and in love. (definitely based off of Norman and Ray from TPN)

These two characters are from an original story that I’m writing.

Hide Away

(A Soft Vore Fic)

Warnings: implied panic attack

Word Count: 494

Tucked underneath the darkness of his blanket, Axl hid from the rest of the world. The demon in his mind, Reggie, had been acting up again and sunk their wire into Axl’s heart. The boy’s heart pounded and his vision was blurred as he tried to calm himself down.

Then, he heard the sound of the door opening. “Axl? Sweetheart?” A soft, sweet voice called to him. One that Axl was very familiar with. “Over here, Aaron.” Axl poked his head out from underneath the blanket, spotting his albino boyfriend. Arron turned to face him, his long, white braid laid atop his shoulders. “There you are.” Arron spoke softly. “Are you okay, love? You look rather distraught back there.”

Axl shook his head, the black hair in front of his face swayed as he did so. “No…I know now why I’m like this. Why do the smallest things upset me.” Aaron shook his head as he walked over to Axl’s bed, hooves clicking on the ground. “It’s not you, love. Certain things just irritate your mind and that’s okay. It’s alright that you don’t like strangers touching you.”

The raven-haired boy scooted over to his partner, paws sinking into the bed. “I just don’t understand why I can’t even get a hug from anyone except you and Aurora. You two are the only people I’m fine with touching.” Aaron nodded, wrapping his arm around Axl. “That’s just what you tolerate. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Axl just looked down at the floor and sighed, still disappointed.

Aaron gently nuzzled Axl’s shoulder. “Would you like me to pouch you? Get away from the world for a minute?” Axl nodded before looking at his partner. “Thank you, angel.” The albino chuckled, slowly wrapping Axl in his tail. “Of course. You know you’re safe with me.”

The albino slowly raised Axl closer to him with his tail, slowly opening his maw. Axl closed his eyes as Aaron stuck his partner’s head into his jaws. Warm enveloped the raven-haired boy as he slid further into Aaron’s throat. The soft walls tightened and retracted as it brought Axl closer to the dark pouch.

All that was left was Axl’s tail, which Aaron gently slurped up. Now, Axl was held in the dark, warm organ. He looked around the environment, feeling the soft, slick walls. Various gurgles and growls echoed around him, which was accompanied by Aaron’s heartbeat.

Aaron huffed when he finished his meal. Tucking himself into the bed, the albino purred happily as he felt his partner adjusting inside. “How are you feeling, love?”Aaron spoke with a sweet tone, gently rubbing circles on his stomach. Axl hummed softly before speaking up, which sounded muffled due to the walls around him. “Much better…Thank you.”

“No problem, sweetheart. Just relax. I’ve got you.” Aaron whistled a sweet and warm song.. “I love you.” The albino could feel his partner nuzzling him from the inside. “I love you too, angel.”

[ghost-proofbaby]

fic authors self rec game

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

thank you so so much for the tag @thecreelhouse <3

the shire is burning (eddie munson x oc) - ao3 linked

shire will always, always, always have a very near and dear space in my heart. it is the proudest i have ever been of any fanfic i've ever written, and one of my only works i can consistently reread and admit to myself that i wholeheartedly enjoy. it's not perfect, it's not everyone's cup of tea due to being an OC fic, but it's my baby. i sat down in a booth at denny's one night in 2022, said i wanted to write an eddie munson fanfiction, and did it. i think it's my best work for capturing canon eddie, and any time i reread any bit of it, i just get the warm fuzzies all over. there are so many wonderful memories attached to it (from writing it, to experiences it led me to), and it brought me so many friends in this fandom that i love very dearly. i just love it, and even if i have to drag myself across the finish line, i will be finishing the sequel/fix it fic for willow and eddie. their love story is one i'll probably get to carry with me forever, which is pretty fucking neat, all things considered. <3

2. the moon will sing (astarion ancunin x oc) - ao3 linked/tumblr here

the moon will sing (i loved you like a sun) is still a fic currently in progress, but i really enjoy the concept, and i'm really excited to see where i take it! just like shire was my ultimate love letter to eddie munson, this fic is my ultimate love letter to astarion <3 it's got just as many, if not more, moving parts and i like the challenge it presents to me as a writer. i've always been the type to know every single experience my characters go through (both borrowed loves and original characters), and having to write a character with a strange sort of amnesia has presented a wonderful stretch for muscles i didn't use previously. it's also been really interesting writing astarion, because as a character, he's pretty different from eddie (who is my easiest character to write due to practice). he's canonically a wild card, a whole bundle of contradictions, and i constantly find myself making notes along the way in these drafts to overexplain and remind myself of his motives. i just really love it. i just really love him <3

3. house song (eddie munson x fem!reader)

this is from my 1k celebration, and it's definitely one that didn't get much attention. and probably for good reason. it has little to no dialogue, it has little to no actual interaction between eddie and reader. at the end of the day, it's long form poetry at best, and a nuisance of an elongated metaphor at worst. but i am really proud of it still. i had an entire version of eddie set up in my head, an entire reader with her own backstory, and whenever i reread it, i think that really shines through. it was a quiet softness about the boy we all still continue to love, even two years later, and i think it even perfectly shows why i still love him as the years pass. just a love note, rather than a full love letter.

people (fictional and real) don't always make good homes, but i think eddie munson might just be the exception. and that's why i stick around.

4. sweet like honey (steve harrington x fem!reader)

now for one from my 3k celebration! and i don't think this list would be complete without some sort of smut. i once had this fic quoted back to me from a friend (who i fucking adore with all my heart), and i didn't even recognize it as my own. it's no love letter to steve harrington (that one is in the works, trust me), but it's fun, and it hits all the right spots for me. i like steve harrington putting up a cocky bastard exterior only to be cracked wide open to find all that softness inside. this fic doesn't quite crack him open, but it definitely showcases that image of 'king steve' that i think we all enjoy fantasizing about a lot <3

this last one is hard. very, very hard. i have three fics that still come to mind that i'd love to put on this list, because in a strange turn of events, being in this fandom has taught me to love my writing far more than any fandom before. it's taught me my words are worth something. not in a money way, but in a 'i have something to say, a story to tell, that is worth yelling to the void - regardless of how many people will listen' way. and i've just been lucky so many of you have been willing to listen.

i'm giving honorable mentions right now to twenty four hours (because how could i not? for all the hell it gave me writing wise, i still like it, ya know?) and kissing lessons. the latter didn't make the list solely because i'm so new to writing robin, and it was a really tough subject matter for me despite being such a sweet fic. it's hard sometimes to love what you make out of a bad thing, even if the end product is something far more beautiful and healing than the reality of it all.

anyways, enough yapping.

5. who could stay? (you could stay.) - eddie munson x reader

this was one of the scariest fics to ever post. it was a request, and it was something i knew all too well, and it was putting a lot of myself into a reader. most of my fics that are this personal/include so much of myself never leave the google drive (and i have a few). half the time as i wrote it, it felt like just another diary entry. the other half, it felt like i was making some momentous mistake and shouldn't project so much of myself onto someone's request. but you know what happened? instead, all of you who have read it and showed it any love cradled it carefully in your hands and said "i see you" or "i am you", and reminded me it's alright. sometimes experiences are unique, sometimes experiences are factory-born. either way, posting this fic taught me i'm not always alone. and sometimes that isn't a great feeling (we all want to feel special, right?), but sometimes... it's a nice feeling. a giant group hug over the internet. i've definitely written similar fics in the same vein as this one since, and i don't know if i'll ever post them, but it proved to me that if i do choose to post them - it's safe. or at least, as safe as the internet can get. basically it was one giant lovely reminder of the space i've managed to create here on my blog and the type of people i've managed to attract to this corner of the internet, and i'm grateful for it. <3

alright. this was one of the hardest things i've ever done (i've obviously led a very privileged life). i'm gonna shut up now and reread some old writing because i feel like i just chose my favorite kids and now i need to reassure all my silly fics that i also adore that i totally still love them just in a different way.

no pressure tags: @andvys @hellfire--cult @hellfirenacht @lokis-army-77 @rosewaterandivy @take-everything-you-can and anyone else who wants to partake, because we all need to show our fics a lil love. you're your first reader, first and foremost <3

[tiredaf23]

Headcanon time >:3 (gotta cut the post bc its too long 😔)

Curly:

he/him, probably they too.

Most definitely our panromantic asexual (repulsed) icon

Probably around 34-ish, I'd say 38 at most

I know he was originally supposed to be British, but he's Icelandic to me

White (Icelandic) but moved to America when he was around 22-ish, so his accent is a little softer than before.

100% has a Dinosaur plush he named "Curlasaurus"

Audhd (idk man, i just see it), BPD (unhealthy attachments to people lead to unintentional biases), and GAD (having to keep the peace also leads into anxiety disorders).

Only 100% able-bodied, no pain on the ship fr 😔

________

Swansea

You will never find an Appalachian dad who isn't like Swansea. Source, my grandpa.

He/him, doesn't understand but will definitely try.

57 to 62 years old. Look at him. He's old (/silly)

That one text meme:

Boy shut up. Boy shut up. Boy shut up. Boy shut up.

Okay, sorry...

Boy you want hotdogs?

Straight

White (either Virginian or from North Carolina)

Unironically wears bass pro shop merch

Depression (due to divorce and loss of kids)

Arthritis and carpal tunnel (old hag/j)

Had jaundice at one point. It scared the shit out of him and he slowed his roll on alcohol because he was scared to leave his kids. This was before his divorce.

______

Anya (party hat Anya :D)

She/her, but also okay with bell/snow neo pronouns

25 to 30 years old. Somewhere around there!

Lesbian at first, but completely repulsed with everything after the Jimmy incident

She owns a little stiffed teddy bear that has a nurse's outfit on!

Since she was around 8, snow always wanted to be a nurse!

Sounds like Fluttershy from MLP and I know using ponies is kinda iffy with headcanons, but I love Fluttershy and I love Anya and I need them both to be my mothers. 👁👁

Swansea won't admit it, but he's a major sweet tooth. ^w^

Bell ses emoticons instead of emojis because she finds them "nicer and not as condescending"

Egyptian and Greek! I don't think a lot of people realize how close the two were hand-in-hand in history. Hell, Cleopatra was Greek!

Depression, MAD (major anxiety disorder) OCD, chronic intrusive thoughts, slight hallucinations (static in her vision and random soft voices)

Blind in her left eye. I like the idea of bell needing glasses because of the OST cover.

_______

Daisuke

Any pronouns work for him as long as you still refer to them as a guy. She's cis but is apathetic to pronouns.

Probably 18 to 23 years old. Somewhere in the "I'm an adult, but my brain isn't fully developed" stage.

Queer as in "idk yet but I'm not questioning."

Adores xenogenders and will ask you rant about yours.

Guys are you skibidi alpha?

Okay, idk what time frame it's set, but he'd totally say this.

Japanese (canon) and Native American (I'm not sure what tribe, as I'm not sure how exactly to headcanon Native characters in detail)

ADHD (i mean come on), depression (homelife), PTSD (homelife)

Scoliosis and chronic pains. Probably needs a cane but he says YOLO unironically, he ain't using it (that's dangerous, please use your mobility aids if you need them)

Definitely punk at heart, but doesn't like dressing it because he feels punk shouldn't have a dress code (kinda self incorporated in there)

Definitely owns blue laces though, it you catch what I mean 👀

_______

Jimmy

He/him, probably not 100% homophobic (as in he won't threaten you for it) but will use the whole "a gay guy hit on me once" schpiel to avoid gay people

Around 35-ish. I want him to be close to the age of Curly, but not quite his age, ya know?

Straight. Dead blank. Makes Swansea ashamed for being straight.

Mixed (white and Mexican)

Didn't come from a good home. Due to the (very unfortunate) stereotype of "Mexican mom's are brutal", Jimmy didn't get help to get away from his abuse. He grew up in Texas where everyone thought it was okay and didn't say anything.

Probably snaps often. While sometimes he doesn't mean it, he never apologizes for it. He grew up thinking apologizes are for pussies.

Now I'm not using this as an excuse for his actions. It's just proven that people who come from bad homes are more likely to be bad people. This does not mean you are a bad person. Not everyone who comes from bad homes become bad people.

I think it's Canon bro's a brony and I'm gonna make it worse: He watched the Rainbow Dash incident on repeat and flat out refused to watch the show after it became Canon she's a lesbian.

This is going to be the controversial part. Mental disorders. Because no matter what I put here, it can be seen as "demonizing" a disorder. I'm not. I'm going straight off of the DSM-5. I got bored and read it during school (technically yesterday, it's 1am, Nov 2nd, and I cant sleep) so I spent 3 - 4 hours total reading and putting these characters in the categories I think they're in.

I do NOT believe in cluster-b abuse!! I do NOT believe that my headcanons for Jimmy's disorders are an excuse for his actions. I do NOT defend Jimmy.

I just wanted to say that before I put them down.

NPD, Bipolar, C-PTSD, autism, BPD, anorexia.

Hypermobility, tic disorder (because it's visible, I put it with the physical disorders, though I acknowledge it's a neurological one), and chronic pains in his knee and lower back.

[pearlywritings]

Auntie

synopsis: dating Diluc means meeting his brother’s family as well, and though you are still very nervous of what they think of you, the married couple seems to really adore you already. Only Callie, your lover’s niece, is still very shy, but you do not abandone your attempts to change that. And Kaeya wants to make sure your efforts are rewarded.

pairing and characters: Diluc x fem!reader, Kaeya x his wife and their daughter Callie

tw: pure fluff, established relationships, reader is nervous, domestic moment

word count: 2.8k+ words

author’s note: Happens before A child of our own , and after @lunargrapejuice​‘s An unexpected surprise , if you follow the chronological order.

Family AU masterlist

A big warm hand in a black glove tightly envelopes yours and gives it a soft squeeze. This makes you exhale way too quickly, giving out your nervous state. There is no reason for it, really, but it's been only a handful of times when you met your lover's brother and his family. You think it is a very big step for your relationship with the man and every single time you have a small fear hidden in the depths of your heart that you'll mess anyhow and they will not approve of you as Master Ragnvindr's partner.

You love Diluc dearly and have been by his side for a couple of years already, but his family haven't come into picture that often. First there was the developing of trust and then both Mr and Mrs Alberich have been very busy tending to their baby daughter, Callie. An adorable little girl, resembling her dad a lot, but having mom's eyes as a pretty gift. You've seen her before, and almost immediately fell in love with a tiny wonder, indescribably touched that her parents have been welcoming you to interact with her. But of course it's Diluc who she immediately became fond of. Warm, strong, secure, she got attached to him from the start as Kaeya's wife once shared. As for her - with the woman you clicked almost immediately, and Kaeya… Well, he was very hard to read for you, to the point of getting a slight headache, but from the looks he gave his beloved wife and newborn daughter you knew, he was a good man.

And now you and Diluc are in the carriage on your way from the Winery to the Mondstadt City - it's been three months since the redhead proposed moving in with him. Sitting closely, practically hip to hip, the man is holding your hand and carefully presses his cheek to the side of your head.

"Everything is going to be alright," his voice is calm and tone is reassuring.

"I know, 'luc, I know. It will be. And I am really happy to know your family! It's just… Should they really be so accepting of me? I mean I am just your girlfriend-"

"You are my girlfriend," usually he never interrupts you, but there are times when he needs to be firm. "You are my partner, and I am glad they understand that."

You sigh, leaning more into him, feeling the other arm slide behind you for the palm to gentlemanly rest on your waist. Diluc is not that open with his affectionate touches when others are around, but the reality of staying alone proves he is actually really good at it.

"Callie is still so shy around me. At least that's not a surprise," you chuckle, glancing out of the window, noticing familiar sceneries - you are really close to the city.

"She will warm up to you. Just give her time."

"This sweet girl can have all the time in the world, and I am patient."

"Yes, you are, my flame."

'After all, you've been so patient with me,' he wants to add, but it's still so hard to express his feelings. He hopes you know what he means. And you do.

The rest of your ride is spent in a comfortable silence. You relax in his embrace and even close your eyes for a few moments to collect yourself, ignoring the rattling noise the wheels are making, colliding with stones of the bridge and city pavement. At last, not a minute after entering the main gates, the carriage stops, and Diluc leans away from your hold. He swings the door open and gets out, immediately turning around and offering you a hand. You happily take it.

The house is the same as months ago, even the clothes drying on the balcony seem to resemble ones from the last time you visited, maybe just a few additions. Lovely pots with bluish flowers decorate the windowsills and you think of how beautiful the winery would look in red or maybe white? It should really compliment the overall exterior of the building. 

While you remain deep in thoughts, your boyfriend sends the carriage off and, not letting go of your hand, rings the bell at the door.

"Coming!" A female voice shouts from the depths of the house, snapping you out of daze, and a moment later the lock clicks open and the heavy wood reveals a young pretty woman. Her smile grows when she sees who is at the doorstep.

"Oh, it's you two, hello! Come, come! You are just in time," she ushers you inside and locks the door again. The shoes are taken off and slippers are offered instead: one more detail that plays with the strings of your heart gently - they got you your own pair from the start.

"Please, watch your step, it can be a little messy. Honey!" She raises her voice a little, addressing her husband somewhere within the house. "Your brother and his girlfriend are here! Dears," she turns to you two again," go to the living room, you know where it is, and I'll be back with you shortly - need to finish something in the kitchen."

"Do you need help?" You instantly blurt out, nervous again. Mrs Alberich only shakes her head with a never-fading smile.

"No, dear, don't worry, I got this. But thanks for the offer, I appreciate it," she gives your elbow a squeeze and then runs off. You exhale sharply again, putting a hand on your widely beating heart, and Diluc presses a palm in the small of your back, rubbing.

"Everything is fine, see? You are doing great," he quietly murmurs in your ear and leaves a chaste kiss on your temple. This makes you feel so much better.

"Thank you," you mouth just as quietly and with a more confident posture follow the path of the corridor to the living room.

The woman wasn't lying when she mentioned the mess - multiple toys are scattered on the floor and you spot some that you gifted as well. Another soft tug on your heart comes from an understanding that the girl liked them enough to include in her toddler plays.

Among all this the tall man with navy braided hair is walking back and forth, measuring the room with wide steps (barefoot as you note). His usual tight pants are changed to the loose ones, and the shirt is nowhere near being tucked in under the waistband. But you must admit even in this temporary lack of neatness he corresponds to the word his wife loves calling him affectionately - handsome.

"Hope your journey went safely, Diluc, Y/n," Kaeya turns to face you after yet another stop at the opposite wall, and you finally see her - Callie. Same navy but short hair, and cute gems of mom's eyes, which she immediately hides along with her face in dad's chest, feeling shy. Kaeya softly rubs her back.

"Hello, Kaeya. Yes, it did," the redhead by your side nods. You offer his brother a smile instead.

"Hello, Kaeya. Hi, Callie," the Khaenri'ahn doesn't miss how your voice drops to a softer note. He likes that about you - how quickly you accepted his daughter as a member of the family and not just an offspring of your lover's brother. You are doting and sweet, not abandoning your attempts to befriend the naturally timid girl and the man must admit, he’s grown quite fond of you. The fact you befriended his wife on day one only plays in your favor. 

And he wants to make sure that your efforts pay off.

"Hey, little flower?" The child raises her head, recognizing her father's soft voice. "We have guests, why don't you say hi?"

"Hi?" She chirps adorably, blinking her eyes in question.

"Yes, baby, say hi. Come on, don't be shy."

Hesitantly the two-year old turns her head, and, upon spotting the familiar crimson of Diluc's hair, her attitude changes almost completely. She reaches her hands towards him, making grabby motions and gurgling happily. The man takes it as a sign to step closer and give her his forefingers, on which she latches right away.

"Hi, uncle!" Another chirp leaves her mouth and you can swear there is a tiny smile on his lips.

"Hi, Callie," low voice rumbles soothingly, and the girl squeals in excitement, bouncing in Kaeya's arms.

"Hi!"

"Hi."

"Hi-hi!"

"Yes, little one, hi-hi."

You watch the interaction mesmerized, eyes glued to just the image of Diluc wiggling his fingers to move gently her tiny fingers right and left, while his lips spill tender words. It feels special, being here and witnessing it. Will he be the same with your kids?

The notion comes as fast as it makes your cheeks flush. No, no, it's too early to think of your own family, now you need to concentrate on another one.

Lost in your wandering thoughts yet again, you almost miss when Kaeya moves closer to you, until the same tiny hand taps your chest.

"Don't think we've forgotten you," a teasing lilt is something so much Cavalry Captain-like. "I think she wants you to hold her."

"Wait, you sure?" You've never felt more aware of reality and your hesitancy is understandable. Before in all the rare times you saw her, she always denied being too close to you, hiding in her dad's, or mom's, or uncle's chest, only shyly interacting with you if indulged in a game with toys. "I mean, usually she is so bashful around me, I wouldn't want to overwhelm her."

"Well, she seems to have changed her mind. Come on, Y/n. She's waiting."

Meeting her eyes you wait another second to make sure she doesn't avert them. She doesn't, only taps your chest more persistently, a pout forming on her lips.

"Okay, okay, baby, I got you," with caution you slide your hands under Kaeya's and eventually have her in the hold of your arms. "Aren't you an adorable little girl?"

She laughs, kicking her foot, and reaching her hands to grab the golden chain of a ruby pendant Diluc got you for the first anniversary. You let her play with it, fondly watching her and not even fighting a smile off your face. With your attention fully on her you don't see the two men shaking their hands in a proper greeting and turning to observe.

"She's grown since last time," Diluc hums, eyes fixed on his niece. "I think I didn't see that onesie either."

"Oh, yeah, this one is kind of new and old at the same time," catching the man's confused gaze, Cavalry Captain proceeds to elaborate. "Jean gifted this one before Callie was even born. So it was lying in her drawer till the time came. And yes, brother dear, babies turn out to grow so fast."

Diluc wants to add something, but a high-pitched 'dada!' doesn't let him.

Everything was going fine on your end, you were enjoying holding Callie, and she seemed pretty content in your arms, bubbling sweetly at you. But then suddenly she froze as if she remembered something and turned her head, calling for Kaeya. You may be mistaken but you can swear you see him give her a nod of encouragement. Next words solidify your belief.

"Alright, little flower. Just like we practiced. You can do it."

Do what? Your and Diluc's eyes meet, and by the way he quirks his brow you understand he is as clueless, as you are.

"Ah!" There is another tap against your chest and you quickly lower your gaze, focusing on the girl again.

"Yes, sorry, sweety. What is it?"

"Hi, auntie!"

The world around you stops. You can physically feel how your eyes go wide and mouth falls agape and you cannot control your body language, too shocked by what has just happened. It can’t be… There is no reason for her to call you that… No way she knows what this word means, she is too small to understand the term for such a complicated relation- wait, you and Diluc are not even married! Maybe you heard her wrong..?

“W-what did you just say, sweety?” Your voice trembles, so do your lips, breath shaky and heart going absolutely crazy in your chest, threatening to make a big hole and just jump out.

“Hi, auntie!” The child in your arms happily repeats, giggling and flailing her arms enthusiastically. No, you heard everything right the first time. She really called you auntie...

Your eyes brim with tears and you purse your lips tight, inhaling through the nose. A half-sob, half-sniffle confuses Callie and she looks at two other adults in the room, face dropping and ‘did I do something wrong?’ written all over it. Diluc reacts faster than Kaeya. In two steps he is in front of you, accepting her from your shaking hands and cradling to his wide warm chest immediately.

“Shh… It’s okay, you did nothing wrong… Auntie is just surprised, that’s all.”

Your eyes go wide again, when you hear your lover apply the same word to you, acknowledging your role as an aunt for his brother’s daughter. Quick glance in Kaeya’s direction earns you a warm smile and mirth dancing in the star-stricken eye. He only nods, and it already means so much for you. You are accepted. You are approved. You are viewed as Diluc’s partner. You are a part of the family.

“I… Archons, I am so sorry…” You whisper apologetically, reaching to the girl to comfort her, but she hides from you in the redhead’s shoulder, and your heart nearly drops.

“Baby, I didn’t want to upset you…” You murmur softly, palm hovering over her back, but not touching. “You caught me off guard, sweetheart, I am not mad, I promise. Just surprised, as your uncle said. I am so sorry for making you sad. I promise I will be more careful in the future, I will prove to you I am a good aunt-”

Your stream of words abruptly comes to a halt, when the girl turns to you. Thank Barbatos there are no tears streaming down her cheeks or clinging to her lashes, and overall she looks quite alright. Relief washes over you and you slowly exhale, calming your nerves down. Next moment a smile is back on your lips and it gets only wider, when Callie mirrors it and giggles.

“Ah, you are so adorable and kind… Didn’t stay mad at me for long,” a chuckle blends with her giggling, and soon there are grabby motions and eagerness to be back in your arms. She is quick to recover, heh?

“Is it okay?” You decide to check with Kaeya, and to your utmost joy he says 'yes'. So the girl is back in your embrace, latching onto the fabric of your attire, big eyes staring at you and mouth blubbering about everything and nothing, while Diluc is joining his brother on the couch, clenching his hands tightly together and releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

The owner of the Dawn Winery got spooked for a moment there. Seeing both you and his niece in distress nearly made some of his hairs go gray. He curses himself for feeling at loss - he is planning to build a future with you, how is he supposed to do it if he can’t even understand how to comfort properly? At the moment he swears to work hard too, just like you.

Suddenly dull pain strikes his ribs and the man winces, glaring to the side. Kaeya dared to elbow him, hard, and then give him that shit-eating grin of his, the one the fiery man always dreamt of wiping off his smug face.

“You better marry this woman,” his headache of almost 20 years quietly tells him, and for a moment Diluc is touched. But only for a moment. “I already told Callie she was her auntie, don’t go making me a liar now.”

“Out of all the arguments you chose this?” An irritated groan makes the Cavalry Captain snort.

“I mean… Yes, why not?” Diluc swears, he is going to punch him in the face. “I expect to receive the wedding invitation really soon, brother. Now, if you excuse me, it seems like my lovely snowflake experiences some troubles in the kitchen, given she hasn’t yet joined us. I better check on her and our lunch too. Trusting my daughter to you two, have fun!”

And like that Kaeya Alberich makes his escape.

The red-haired man rolls his eyes in exaggeration. Then, his focus returns to you - cooing and playing with your self-proclaimed niece - and his whole snarky resolve dissipates.

Yeah… Kaeya is right. He will marry you, for many more reasons actually. But as for the situation at hand…

…an uncle can’t be complete without an aunt, can he?

[stayycalm]

Megaverse Chapter 1

© staycalmm (stayycalm on Tumblr)

"This is a work of fiction. Any names, characters, businesses, places, events, or incidents are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.”

in other words, dude this is a fanfic it’s not that deep.

   ENJOY!

this story is heavily influenced by the Firebird series

 “they told us it was impossible, that it was science fiction. but when we discovered the multiverse the possibilities became endless.”

welcome to the stray kids hot megaverse.

read on ao3

Chapter 1

My head is spinning, and the world around me seems to be in constant motion. my body buzzed with an unusual hum I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my vision. 

my hands hit a smooth cool surface as I gasped, slowly and the surroundings began to stabilize. It worked. I jumped to a different dimension. 

I laugh, slightly hysterically as I press my forehead into the glass in front of me, trying to slow my pounding heart as I grin to myself, Chris would freak out if he knew what I just did.

The thought of him brings a pang of sadness. he was more than a friend to me; he was the family I always wanted. 

I bounced around foster families for years, no one really wanted me.

 that was until I came to the Bang house, For the first time in my seemingly worthless life, I was wanted.

I remember the first day I met Chris. I was thirteen and still very unsure of this new family. 

 it being the fifteenth family I had stayed with, I knew not to get too attached. Mrs. Bang opened the front door and waved for me to follow her inside. 

my hands tightening on my backpack straps, I took the first step into the unknown of this new house. Mrs. Bang traded her heels for a pair of cream-colored house slippers, and I moved to take off my sneakers, staring down at my plain black socks.

without saying a word, she set a pair of dark gray slippers in front of me. I looked up quickly, surprised by the gesture. 

"Welcome home, Sydney," she said. Her voice was sweet, and her face showed something I had only imagined in my most lonely of daydreams—love. It was love in her eyes. 

Tentatively, I slipped my feet into the slippers, the soft fabric providing just the right amount of support and comfort.

Once I was used to the new shoes, Mrs. Bang waved me down the hall.

 "Come on, they can't wait to meet you." 

I knew the Bang family already had three kids: two boys and one girl. Hannah, I remembered her name and thought of how my last foster house had five girls who all despised my presence.

Rounding the corner into the living room, I bumped into a soft wall. Looking up, I saw a bright smile beaming down at me. 

"Hi! I'm Chris.”

I snapped back to the present, digging my nails into my palms—a nasty habit I was never able to break. 

Wincing at the pain, I blinked through tear-filled eyes at the tiny red slices in my palm. I relaxed my fingers, noticing that my nails were long, sharp, and painted bright red.

 I stood there, staring at my nails in awe. 

Nervously chewing my nails had never allowed me the luxury of a manicure like this. 

This Evelette was clearly much more self-assured, judging by the tight black dress that clung to the curves of my body in a way that I would never feel comfortable with back home.

I stepped back from the wall, blinking hard and wiping away the tears, ignoring the slight black smudges on my fingers. 

I clutch at the necklace resting on my barely covered chest, holding it up as I read the small screen as it scrolls through my dimensional coordinates.

when it comes to the science behind this I’m at a loss, but what appears to be an ordinary necklace is in fact the most advanced piece of scientific equipment in my dimension.

Growing up in the Bang household gave me the security I lacked and Chris was an amazing older brother figure, not only for his kindness but also for his ambition and genius. 

from day one he took me under his wing, showing me around the house, and helping me get settled into my new room.

he introduced me to his friends and tried his best to include me in any way he could, though he was smarter than I could ever hope to be he did come in handy when it came to my science homework.

and not only was he ridiculously smart he was a champion swimmer, a straight-A student, and graduated as valedictorian before going on to attend one of the most advanced science colleges in the world. 

While he was there, he made a few friends who soon became his work partners as they worked towards their final project. 

One of his partners was Han Jisung, a slightly crazy Physics major who referred to their group as ‘3Racha.’

I blinked at him, the meaning of what he just said lost on me. He grinned, leaning back on the couch I had been occupying for the past hour.

"What?" I asked, not getting the meaning behind the name.

"3Racha!" he said again, and I shook my head, still not getting it. He snorted and rolled his eyes.

"It's a play on Sriracha, and since there are three of us—" 

I blinked and nodded, starting to understand at least a little bit before he finished what he was saying. 

"And because we are HOT!" He finished, winking at me as he leaned his face towards mine.

I felt my face heat up and laughed awkwardly, looking away from Han to see Changbin staring at us, unamused. 

Our eyes locked for a moment before he broke our stare to talk to Han.

"Stop saying it like that. You'll weird people out," his voice was low and serious as he went back to whatever crazy math problems he was working on. 

Being the math major of the group, he was in charge of the majority of the numbers and statistics for their final project, a project Chris had yet to share with me.

Chris always kept me in the loop about his life, but this was one thing he couldn’t share with me. 

“not yet,” he said for what must be the thousandth time, and I all but whined as he chuckled patting my head before moving past me to talk to Changbin.

I admired him for everything he accomplished. But this project was different. He was secretive, and it made me curious. What could be so important that he wouldn’t even tell me, did he not trust me?

Despite my curiosity, I respected his privacy. I knew how much this project meant to him and his friends. And although I didn’t always understand the technical details of their work, I was proud of them. 

They were working on something big, something groundbreaking.

Chris, Han, and Changbin were an inseparable trio. Their bond was strong, and their passion for their work was inspiring. 

Watching them work together reminded me of how lucky I was to have Chris in my life. He was more than a brother; he was my hero.

Han and Changbin had become like family as well, not only to me but to the rest of the Bang family. I couldn’t remember a time they hadn’t been over for dinner in the past two years since Chris and them started their final project.

Han was a flirt and a terrible one at that, but he’s only like that with me according to Chris and Changbin, he can’t talk to any other girl to save his life. his social anxiety prevents him from doing more than waving hello to a girl.

Apparently, I’m the exception to his anxiety seeing as he seems to live to make me flustered, Changbin on the other hand seems to do everything in his power to avoid me.

I don’t know much about him besides the fact that he’s a wiz with numbers and that he’s allergic to cats, the one conversation we’ve had plays in my brain more often than I’d like to admit.

the night was cold, colder than your usual Australian nights. laid on the back porch watching the night sky as I let my mind wander to what my life would have been like if I hadn’t come here.

my brain did this a lot when I felt the overwhelming love that comes from the Bang family, wondering if I’d still be here if they hadn’t taken me in, and given me the love I never dreamed of feeling.

I’m brought out of my mental spiral but the sound of the sliding glass door opening and closing, I turn my head to see the wide frame of Changbin as he leans back against the door.

with his eyes closed and his chin tilted towards the sky, he looks handsome and less scary than he normally does with his impassive eyes that see everything but reveal nothing.

he breathes deeply before opening his eyes, his gaze meeting mine almost immediately. as if he knew I was watching him.

my cheeks warm and I pray it’s too dark for him to notice.

“ what are you doing out here?” his voice is different, softer than it normally is.

I sit up from my place on the deck shrugging. 

“ needed to cool off a little.”

he nods not saying anything, he doesn’t move from his place by the door and I sit there watching him curiously. 

“ you know we couldn’t have done this without you.”

his voice startles me out of my staring and it takes me a moment to process his words.

“What?” my voice is strangled as I try not to choke on the air I inhale far too quickly.

“ the project, Chris says you are the one who inspired him to start the project,” he said as if I should have known.

I blinked at him, shocked as this was news to me, I opened and closed my mouth trying to find something to say.

“ you mean a lot to him,” his voice had a strange tone as he frowned before clearing his throat, looking away from me before adding.

“ to all of us.” I blinked thinking I had misheard him.

 before I could respond there was a knock on the door and we both jumped at the sudden disturbance, Chanbin turned and opened the door and Chris stepped out with us.

“Hey! Mom brought out some cheesecake for us, you better come get some before Han eats it all.” he walks over to me holding out a hand as he chuckles.

I smiled and took his hand letting him pull me up as we moved to head inside, Chris went in first and I followed close behind as I past Changbin I felt a small touch on my head.

I paused turning to look seeing the leaf pinched between his fingers, then looking up to meet his eyes. his gaze reflected an emotion I couldn’t quite place, he almost looked pained.

maybe he knew what he was going to do, maybe he had already set into motion the very thing that would shatter the very foundations of my life.

With trembling hands, I looked for my phone. When I found it and unlocked it with Face ID, I thanked the lord for the technology in this dimension being similar to mine.

 Trying to guess this Evelette’s password was not a game I wanted to play. I quickly opened the notes app, typing a note in all caps so that when I faded into the background of this dimension’s Evelette, she would read it and reawaken me within herself.

"FIND SEO CHANGBIN."

[justagalwhowrites]

im pretty sure you've been asked for all the ocs at this point separately but i have a tiny pea sized brain and cant remember LMAOOO but who are your fcs for the ocs? doc/andrew/jess/derek/kristen/marta/elias/etc. (im sure im missing some)

my brain definitely manifests them a certain way but im curious to who you imagine!!

AHHH YES OMG HI!

So I left a lot of these non-existent or vague so people can plug in themselves and people they love BUT here’s who I picture 😍

Doc: I don’t really have an actor who fits her so I made this AI thing when I was thinking up the character? But I’ve pictured her as fairly petite (5’2”-5’4” ish?), small but not skinny, rounded but not thicc. Basically just the personification of softness and femininity. She’s got a lot of hair that’s wavy/curly that gets out of control easily and her personal style is the thrift shop version of Jess from New Girl. She looks like someone the apocalypse will chew up and spit out.

Andrew: my sweet baby angel! When we first meet him, he is 110% Lucas from Stranger Things. Fairly baby faced but brave in the face of it all - and still able to find happiness and joy. By the time Doc leaves the QZ, I’m kind of leaning Donald Glover? Someone mentioned they cast him as Andrew Garfield and I kinda love that too lol

Jess: Our third member of the codependency squad (who was honestly way understanding of her boyfriend/husband’s weird attachment and we love her for it) and resident comedian is, in my head, Doctor Who era Karen Gillan. Red hair, vibe of sass and strength but also naïveté (and so pretty that we can’t blame Andrew for gawking at her for months) we love her.

Derek: the good guy who might have been if it weren’t for trauma and Joel! He’s 40 year old James Marsden. Just… *chef’s kiss* Look between him, Joel and Tommy? Doc can PULL. Someone said they cast Oscar Isaac here and look… Oscar is like maybe the one man I might find more attractive than Pedro, it depends on the day BUT I cannot cast him as anything but a leading man. Oscar and Pedro can only be end game in my book (but I will accept any and all HC castings lol)

Kristen: Our favorite, competent as HELL trauma nurse! I pictured her as being unexpectedly feisty coming from a small, pretty, blonde package. Does she seem like someone you’d underestimate? Poor choice on your part but that’s her. Malin Akerman is who she is for me!

Marta: our tough still figuring it out assistant turned expert nurse! I wanted someone sweet but strong who could be both naive and brilliant, so Ana de Armas it is! Only realized just now that her name in Knives Out is also Marta lol I FORGOT THAT BUT OH WELL!

Elias: Our stalwart dogooder under the umbrella of FEDRA turned exhausted man trying to keep people alive, Elias is a kind hearted leader trying to do the best he can with what very little he has. His caring and drive I think are exemplified in Jimmy Smits - especially West Wing era Jimmy Smits at the beginning of the fic.

So yeah! That’s how I see all these lovely lovely characters! I hope this enriches or informs the reading for you. Thank you so much for reading and asking! Love you!!

[13leaguestories]

I think that completely blank main characters that have the least number of preset traits or any preset personality at all are better for IFs in general bc it allows for us not only to self insert but also to envision other original characters completely different from us if we want to. But I understand it may be easier to write a character when you already have an image of how they behave.

Main characters with an already preset personality, attitude, and history make it feel more like a traditional book where we just witness the story presented and have no input or agency at all. I think freedom of choice over the main character is the most important part of any IF, because if you take away the choices, then what's the difference from a normal piece of literature? Preset MCs may also make it harder for us to connect and identify with them since their personalities can be completely different from ours if we're self inserting or if we envision something else for them, not to mention they can do and say things we don't expect, or agree with, or even account for, which could make some of us even upset at our own characters for doing something rude or completely different from what we intended or meant to.

Blank canvas main characters can be fun too, writing the MC being sweet or shy or bold or serious or comic or hostile, etc, in response to a given situation, or towards another character's flirting, for example, sounds extremely interesting to me, not to mention it's always the best part when we're kind and understanding to a character and they react accordingly by being affable in response, or when we're rude and cold and they get angry at us, it's interesting to see how some of them get more attached and close to us because we're alike and agree on most things, or because we're always gentle and loving in general, while others will get annoyed by it and push us away bc we're too soft or bc we disagree on everything or treat them contemptuously.

But all of that is harder to see if the main character goes ahead and makes the choices for us, or if they're naturally too nice and trusting or too reclusive and aloof. I guess it's better when we get to choose what we are through our own choices and actions or when the other characters start seeing us in a certain way because we nearly always behave that same way towards them?

Anyway, this is just my opinion on preset vs blank canvas MC, but this is a very interesting topic to discuss and all ideas are valid!

Okay, I asked this a while back and saw your response just never got to answering.

I dig all of this and thank you for telling me your point of view. I can agree with a lot but then also disagree. Blank characters for me are just that, too blank. I love the idea that one can headcanon to their heart's content but then the story/work just feels emptier.

I'm going to use Our Life (visual novel, guys check it out if you haven't) as an example because I think it does a good job at giving you this really blank character that you can control. I have an OC that gets into trouble growing up but that's never really shown. In the game you're never really given the ability to be a troublemaker or someone who struggles with anger or something like that. Again this is just one example, I'm sure folks can come up with hundreds more.

A game that kinda takes your hand and says "hey, this is who you are" takes that ability to say "oh my person is a troublemaker" because we obviously just told you that you're not, away. And I think I like that more. Maybe this is why I like novels more than IF's. I'd rather be told "hey this is who you are and though you have some agency, this is you" versus "you're a blank slate and anything you want goes" cos then I feel like the character I created actually belongs there. Stuff that makes them, them is talked about and addressed versus me just imagining it all and probably having to resort to fanfic.

But again, this is just me. And I do get your viewpoint and can't argue with some of the points cos they're true. And thank you again for telling me your mindset on it.