#it’s the new litmus test of how much I can trust a person based on their reaction to the film

[obsessivedilettante]

I’ve seen Barbie 3 times now which is still 3 times too few. I adore it. I am obsessed. If I could see it every day, I would.

There are so many intelligent takeaways that one could have about the film, but right now the most delightful one(?) is me, a natural brunette cis-lady, dramatically bellowing out at random times:

“I’m just Ken! Anywhere else I’d be a ten! Is it my destiny to live and die a life of blond fragility?”

My mum loves my serenading.

(Just kidding — she’s tired of my Kenergy. Or maybe you could say she’s had Kenough.)

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Most people know to anticipate some degree of change when they’re in a committed, long-term romantic relationship: a desire for more nights in with Netflix instead of drunken ragers on the dance floor; the inevitable shift of physical appearances; the unexpected transformation of a side gig into a career. But many people assume sexual orientation is fairly stable—that whether you’re gay or straight, you’re “born this way,” and that’s what you’ll be forever.

That definitely isn’t always the case. But even though coming out as queer or bisexual in a committed straight relationship isn’t unheard of, a change in sexual identity is not something that many people anticipate happening within a long-term partnership, nor is it widely discussed. Despite the advancements in broader social understanding of LGBTQ issues made in the past decade, therapists Jared Anderson and Tamala Poljak told VICE that many of their patients fear that being bi or queer when straight-partnered could doom their relationship. There’s also a pervasive idea that a person in a hetero relationship can’t be LGBTQ because they have chosen to commit, and are presumably attracted to, a member of the opposite sex. But bisexuality is a valid orientation, and while it may feel intimidating to embrace this discovery and stay hetero-partnered, it’s by no means impossible.

“I believe both gender and sexuality [are] fluid, meaning we change throughout a lifespan,” Poljak said, adding that recent cultural shifts have likely led to light bulb moments for some individuals who has been denying or simply not recognizing their queer feelings.

Sexuality doula Isabella Frappier, whose work includes helping clients own and define their sexual expression, said that a person doesn’t need to have acted on any same-sex-attracted feelings in order to label themselves as queer or bisexual, and that bisexuality can be explored while still honoring an extant relationship, especially since everyone has different definitions of what it means to explore.

Bisexuality is often dismissed as a phase, and the idea that bisexual people are "just confused" persists. This is especially true for men; while bisexuality among women is slightly more socially acceptable (albeit because it’s fetishized and often viewed as an "experiment"), men often have to contend with the belief that bisexuality, as Carrie once put it on Sex and the City, is “a pit stop on the way to gay town.”

These myths stem from our society’s historically rigid approach to sexual expression. Experts are adamant that a person's bisexuality does not invalidate the love they have for their opposite-sex partner. According to Poljak, an associate marriage and family therapist, the idea that a person needs to “pick a side” is a rooted in heteronormative expectations.

The question, “Am I queer or bi enough?” can also weigh heavily on people who think they might not be all the way straight, as though there is a certain amount of "proof" that could confirm their sexuality. As much as those questioning might like to think there’s a litmus test that will tell them whether or not they’re truly bi, that’s simply not the case.

“For queer folks, it just isn’t so cut and dry,” Poljak said. “The hope to ‘figure it out’ and/or find ‘an answer’ is a pretty rigid idea steeped in heteronormative expectations. It also puts a lot of pressure on a person to have to declare one thing and stick to it. If you know you are attracted to one or more genders, then it’s really that simple.”

A journey into one’s queerness doesn’t have to involve sex outside of the relationship, or even sex in general. Just noticing that you’re attracted to other genders can be the extent of this exploration. The act of coming out to yourself, or maybe saying, “I’m bi. I don’t know what that looks like yet, and that’s OK,” has the potential to be extremely affirming.

You might find comfort in connecting with other queer folks, especially since identifying as queer might otherwise make you feel vulnerable or isolated. Some people are validated by coming out to friends and family, or by getting involved with the queer community. Frappier encouraged people exploring their bi/queer identity to go to LGBTQ events, read books about sexuality or written by queer authors, support bisexual artists and musicians, or join queer groups. Online, Reddit’s r/bisexual subreddit is a funny and informative space for bi folks to ask questions or simply discuss their experiences, while the Fluid Arizona resource page and Autostraddle's events and meet-ups can help queer folks build an IRL community.

If you decide you want to connect more physically with your queer sexual desires, but aren’t sure where to begin, start small. “I’d first encourage a person in this situation to start by considering the multiple ways they can explore their queerness on their own,” Frappier said. “That can be through watching ethical same-sex porn, or writing your own erotica.”

Experts strongly encouraged discussing your queerness with your partner eventually, as the secrecy can ultimately strain the relationship. (It can also contribute to the harmful idea that your queerness is somehow scandalous, or something to be ashamed of.) If you’re worried that your partner will react poorly, or you aren’t ready to share your feelings with them yet, consider talking to a professional, a trusted friend or loved one, or a queer friend who may relate a bit to what you are going through. Poljak, who is trained as an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist, said it’s crucial for people questioning their sexuality to have a solid support system. Studies show that bisexual people are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and experiencing violence than their gay, lesbian, and heterosexual counterparts. While staying in the closet can be a necessary choice for a myriad of reasons, research shows that the stress of concealment contributes to disrupted relationships, feelings of shame and guilt, and symptoms of anxiety and depression.

If you feel ready to talk with your significant other, avoid starting the conversation when either of you are tired or distracted, in the middle of a fight, or in any situation where tensions are high. Instead, choose a time when you both feel relaxed and won’t be rushed, like over coffee on a Saturday morning.

You don’t have to have everything figured out before you talk to your partner. Frappier said that it’s perfectly fine to tell them you’re in a questioning, exploratory phase, and then communicate what you’d like that to look like. There’s no need to choose a label unless you’d like to.

“Explain to [your partner] how you’ve been feeling, what you’re desiring to explore, and how you imagine that could look within your relationship,” Frappier said. She advised that it’s wise to let your partner know that your sexual expression is not a reflection of the relationship, but more about exploring a new part of yourself.

“Once you’re finished speaking, it’s important to give them space to share, and to really listen to how they are feeling,” Frappier said. “They may take it in stride, or need a little time to process it.”

Don’t stress if the first conversation doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped; this will likely be the first of many discussions. Anderson, who specializes in trauma and relationships, said that if any of these conversations get heated or overly emotional, it’s a good idea to press pause and revisit the topic once both partners have had a chance to cool off.

Couples therapy can also be extremely beneficial. “Ideally, both the person coming out and the partner of that person would be in individual therapy with a therapist who is trained in LGBTQ-affirmative therapy,” Poljak said. “The same is true if [you're] deciding to open your marriage, explore polyamory or emotional monogamy, and/or redefine your marital contract. The therapist needs to have more than just general knowledge of alternative, queer lifestyles, and understand the multiple systems at play.”

Psychology Today is the most thorough national network for finding mental health professionals, and allows users to search using various classifications, including sexuality and type of therapy (the “compassion-based” and ��culturally sensitive” filters are good options for LGTBQ folks). Some health insurance plans allow users to filter for therapists who specialize in LGBTQ issues when searching for in-network providers. For POC-specific options, the National Queer and and Trans Therapists of Color Network is a good resource. For those struggling to find an in-person therapist, Pride Counseling offers digital therapy sessions via phone, messaging, and video call.

After your initial conversations and once you've sought any additional support you might find helpful, you and your partner may want to formulate an action plan. If you want to include your partner in your sexual exploration (and they are comfortable with that), the plan might include attending queer events, watching queer porn together, role-playing, engaging in threesomes, and/or swinging. If you’d prefer to explore your sexuality without your partner, but with other people, you may need to discuss opening up your relationship.

“Some folks find it exciting or even sexy, and perhaps a discussion unfolds about opening up the marriage or exploring poly or engaging in new kinds of play and fantasy with their partners,” Poljak said. “Maybe it even inspires their partner to share with honesty some queerness of their own that is emerging. Ideally, there is space for people’s differences and otherness to be expressed without having to lose the relationship, or having to abandon or sacrifice yourself.”

This sort of exploration is not one-size-fits-all. Regardless of the route you take, Frappier stresses the importance of discussing boundaries and safety throughout. If the two of you are struggling to find some sort of consensus when it comes to boundaries, that doesn’t mean the discussion regarding exploration is over forever. It’s very common for couples to have multiple conversations surrounding this topic, especially if one partner is asking to renegotiate the marital contract in some way.

Just as it’s reasonable for a person to want to explore their burgeoning sexuality outside of the relationship, it’s also reasonable for the other partner to say, “I’m not cool with that.” In some instances, it might be in the interest of both individuals to go their separate ways… and that’s OK, too.

“A marriage is a partnership that lasts as long as it’s right,” writer Nadia Rawls said after coming out to, and, later, ending things with her now–ex-husband. Rawls said she tried to make it work with her husband for six months, but ultimately realized that separating was the best option. “It takes a hell of a partner to help their spouse grow into the person they really are,” Rawls wrote. “Even if that means losing them.”

Rawls’s story is just one of many—Frappier and Poljak said that many couples make it work, too. It’s hard to predict how your partner might react, or how you’ll feel or what you’ll want, once you start exploring your queerness or bisexuality. That uncertainty is part of what makes the process of coming out in a straight relationship so intimidating. But the reward of being honest—both with yourself and with your partner—is the gift of a more authentic life. Regardless of the outcome, that is worth pursuing.

[larrydrosalez]

I like relaxed language and I like blackness. This anthology is a celebration of both.

tawk  

Sometimes we’re afraid to talk. Yes, WE. This might be about black talkin, but this here is for you too Sandy-Sue and Jin-Woo.  I know you’ve had those days when somethin forces you to speak or preach or teach something you’d be much better off talkin about. You scour your brain in search of synonyms you learned in an English class (some time ago) or for some phrase you picked up from your favorite politically active musician – all for nada – because, in your scavenger-hunt for eloquence, you end up with 1000 syllables that don’t say anything.  Trust me, I know the feeling. (Deleting those Gs and forgoing those apostrophes a few lines up still has me wary of some impending doom.  O_o)  [imagine the courage it took to include an emoticon.]

    It is this fear of writing the way I feel most comfortable expressing myself that convinced me that this anthology needed to be compiled. It needed to be compiled and needs to be delivered to every writer that thinks their words aren’t good enough and to every reader that thinks some writer’s metaphors are too big and meaning too small. I want this anthology to combat any notion that in poetry white high-language is right language and that slang is to be reserved for Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou. This anthology, black-tawk, is intended to act as an examination of Black-American identity in contemporary poets through their specific use of colloquial vernacular, to be referred to as black-talk. These poems are compiled in order to reject “high language” (white-talk) as the only suitable means of intelligent and normative expression and that slave-talk is the only example of recognizable black expression. I seek to find a contemporary river of black voices that flow somewhere between a Mattie and a Michael Eric Dyson (and certainly above a Tyler Perry.)

     So what does black-talk between a Mattie and a Dyson sound like? It sounds like black people you hear talking every day. There are no meanings lost in abstract metaphor, no need to keep a library assistant on call and there’s the occasional glimpse of slang. Nah, I ain’t only talkin ‘bout that talk you hurd on the corner’a 3rd and Main, because while that’s beautiful, this anthology hopes to reveal subtle currents of vernacular that black poets use to express blackness. Of course there’s more than a heap of uses of slang’s shining star - “ain’t,” but he’s joined by “nuff” and “betcha” and even “cd” (could.) And these are sometimes decorated by the absence of punctuation that lends itself to an exploration of space and caesura to create natural and lulling speech patterns that mimic the way black people talk. You won’t find Queen’s English here. Nothing like what Jamil (Robert Sims) in his poem “pre-sentence Report” (page____) refers to as “…nouns that // old Sigmund couldn’t EVEN spell.” Though in his poem Sims speaks of medical jargon, there are certainly poets that employ a sort of poetic jargon requires too much energy to decipher.

    Not that deciphering is all bad, we wouldn’t want lazy readers, but when simplicity is forgone merely to sound poetic, the authenticity that makes poetry beautiful is lost. Stephanie Pruitt, a young poet from Nashville, could write novels about the process and love involved in getting her hair hot combed in the kitchen – but she doesn’t need to. Her haiku “Hair raising” (page _____) is beautiful in its ability to, concisely, resonate with black girls everywhere. “Hair burning in the kitchen” could easily become “kinky fibers laid straight by heated comb permeates the air in the place meals are made,” but it doesn’t need to. Now the form of haiku is innately simple but this same current of simplicity can be found throughout the anthology in various forms.

 black

Sometimes we’re afraid to be black. Yes WE. This might be about black talkin but if you change black to “chino” or “country” this here is for you too Jose and Billy-Rae. It’s about black talkin because black talkin is what I know best. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been made to feel afraid to express my blackness (or asian-ness or mexican-ness.) If a university environment is any representation of the real world, and I fear it may be more forgiving of race, people don’t want black people to be black. Every scorned sagging pant, every kinky twist pressed to oblivion, every set of braids chopped off for a job where suits and ties are need can serve as a testament that black people aren’t allowed to be black.

Oh, but that’s not true, we have a black president! – right, having one black president negates the pressure every white professor ceo quarterback vice-president student government official city official member of congress  employed contributing member of society member of congress places on black people to act white right.

…

…

I needed space to let that sit. The minority will always be made inferior when evaluated against the majority. Being black isn’t wrong, it’s just not being white. There are thousands of conversations to be had about blackness and black identity and defining what “black” is, but this is not a research paper and I am not an anthropological expert on the matter. So you ask, what does blackness have to do with this poetry anthology, and what does that contribute to life? Well, blackness is in the everyday things that black people do. There is no singular blackness. If you’re a black girl that gets a perm and a silky-smooth 32” Remy, you’re exuding blackness just as much as the sister pickin her afro every morning. If you’re a black boy with clean locks sitting proudly on the shoulder pads of your new Armani suit, you’re exuding blackness just as much as the scruffy brother in the newest Js and a tall-tee (although I personally detest tall-tees, that doesn’t negate the blackness found wearing it.)

Since poetry is a manifestation of expression based on personal experiences, black poets should be allowed to be black poets, right? No. An Essay by Evie Shockley entitled “All of the above: Multiple choice and African American Poetry” included in the introduction to the anthology “Rainbow Darkness,” edited by Keith Tuma, examines the reasons black authors are not allowed to be black authors. In short, he states (and I agree) that black authors (I would say all black artists) are subjected to “the poetics litmus test.” They must be judged based on political allegiances and racial “authenticity” rather than ability or talent. If a poet talks like Langston Hughes, they are authentically black, which is good, but they are a “black” poet not an “American” poet. According to Shockley, in order to receive the privileges “American” poets are afforded:

“An African American poet has had to avoid writing in styles or about subjects that are recognizably “black” in favor of “universal themes” and conventional aesthetics. Or  she could slip in the back door by appearing willing to narrate ‘the black experience’ for white consumption in ways that do not fundamentally deconstruct white (liberal) understandings of race or directly advocate revolutionary social change.”

This provides a perfect explanation concerning why black poets are pressured away from talking black. Even I question whether or not I want to be “that black poet” every time my mind wants to pen a thought about kinky hair, “unique” names, or encounters with racism. Just as the fear of talking convinced me of the necessity of this anthology, the fear of being black doubly convinces me that there are people that need this.

 black-tawk

I like relaxed language and I like blackness and this anthology is a celebration of both. These poets aren’t afraid to be black even when they’re not talking about black things. This collection includes poets just talkin and poets just being black and poets talkin about being black – none afraid to share their identity and the language they speak. Ntozake Shange isn’t afraid to write poems in a manner that is supposed to be talked. Sapphire sees the significance of what Claireece P. Jones has to say, and how she says it. Celes Tisdale saw the need for people to hear what inmates from Attica think. All of these voices have been gathered to fight the fear of being Black regular Mexican Asian poor Jamaican poorly-educated well-educated strange normal smart dumb black-tawking.

black-tawk is right. Don’t be shamed of it. These are your peers.

  my tawk

    And now that I’ve splattered you with my thoughts/rants about blackness and language and wooed you with my semi-intellectual prowess, I’d like to free myself of the black burden – a burden that has weighed heavy on my mind since I started compiling these poems. What is the black burden you ask? For me, it is the false interpretation that any black voice is THE black voice. To those reading in hopes of better understanding the black race based solely on the compilation of a 22-year-old-half-black-half-mexican-and-japanese-middle-class-college-guy I say:  I am not THE black voice. I am not THE black voice. I am not THE black voice.  I, like the poems selected for this anthology, do not represent the entire black race or encompass all Black-American identity. There is no anthology or single person that does. I, and these poems, do however represent a current of thought, a movement, towards talking. Towards tawking. Towards tawking black. black-tawk. Enjoy.

[blog-sliverofjade]

Hearth Fires 5: Waking Up

Pairing: Remi Denier x OFC

Summary:  Lorel Maddox just wants to live as a human, run her bakery in peace, and forget. Unfortunately, the alpha of the local leopard pack has very different ideas.

Remi Denier doesn’t know what to make of the female Changeling who wants nothing to do with him or the RainFire pack. He does know that he has a driving need to protect her. Even if it’s from herself.

While they’re embroiled in a battle of wills, there’s a war brewing on the horizon. The outside threat could not only destroy everything they hold dear, but tear apart the fragile new bonds of the Trinity Accord, plunging the world into bloodshed to rival the Territorial Wars of centuries past.

Word count: 2363

Content warning for canonical fantasy racism.  When I started writing this, I hadn’t realized that fantasy racism can be problematic.  I based it on real world examples so it’s a weird mix of actual peoples’ experiences atop a fictional shifter race.  

As you read, try to remember that these aren’t instances I dreamed up in my head, they came from authentic occurrences in the US.  The excerpt before the second part?  Taken from flyers posted in 2019.  This is reality for actual, living, breathing people to this day.

Hearth Fires Masterlist

Beta read by the stupendous pandabearer

Remi’s cat crouched in preparation to battle with the strange predator in sheep’s clothing in their midst; pinpricks in his bottom lip were a sure sign that his teeth were more feline than human at the moment, and his claws itched to unsheath.  How could he have been so blind? He needed to eliminate the threat before anyone could question his leadership, a lethal strike to prove his dominance.

That thought wasn’t him.  It was an echo of another alpha from another time and brought him out of the homicidal haze with a cold splash of dread.  He had to shove the memories and the associated sick feeling in his gut into a box in order to concentrate on the situation at hand.

Holding himself with a predator’s stillness, he studied his prey.  Whenever one of his packmates was unduly intimidated by someone, outsider or not, he and the pack kept a close eye on that individual.  He didn’t haul off and rip their throat out. He could hardly bring her down in front of their youngest in the middle of what was meant to be a celebration.  Such casual exposure to violence could damage young psyches, as well he knew. Yet, it was all he could do not to charge over there and tear the ocelot away from the little family.  Unlike that other alpha, he couldn’t act upon suspicion alone.

The baby hunter had no compunctions about cuddling up to Lorelei, something she would never have done if Lorelei was even close to going rogue.  Moreover, several cubs surrounded her now, curious about the visitor. Their youngest, hunter or otherwise, were some of the best judges of character and the best litmus test when it came to the health of a pack.  It was when the adults didn’t pay attention that problems arose.

“He’s different.”

“Oh sweetie, of course he is.  He lost his mate. You’ll understand when you’re older.”

He shook off the echoes of the past like his cat shook off water and shoved them back in the box.

The music had switched from general background party music to a dance mix, which made overhearing their conversation difficult even with his superior hearing.  Moving closer, he stopped at one of the tables of food so he could eavesdrop without being noticed. Staring at the ocelot would only put her on her guard.

Lorelei didn’t appear on the verge of a rampage; rather, she seemed overwhelmed.  Then again, who wouldn’t be when surrounded by the cubs who were peppering her with questions?  His tension eased a fraction when he saw that none of them appeared scared of her.

“Just you and your nana and papa?”  Remi couldn’t help a small smile at Jasper’s wide-eyed incredulity.  Most of their little ones had grown up in packs or in extended family units at the very least.  Such a small family without ties to dozens of “aunties” and “uncles,” as well as numerous friends of all ages, was an unthinkable concept to them.

The interrogation wandered into what type of cat she was since she smelled different and, to his knowledge, none of them had met an ocelot.  They were much smaller than leopards and the children would probably be delighted at having a grown-up playmate their own size. She was actually rather good with them once she relaxed, and he wondered how she’d handle being swamped by them when they were the same size.  He grinned at the thought of little cats ending up in a wrestling pile and the knot in his chest eased.

Elias waded through the throng to speak to Lorelei.  What came out of his mouth must not have been his usual bullshit because she didn’t slap him.  He seemed downright courteous, which was unnatural and creeping Remi out more than a bit. Lorelei only nodded to him after Tien gave her an encouraging smile.

The senior soldier pulled Lorelei to join the growing cluster of dancers.  While she was willing, it was painfully obvious that she was far from comfortable in her own skin, moving stiffly and keeping her head on a swivel to look for anyone staring.  Elias, picking up on her discomfort, shifted to hide her much smaller body with his own. In thanks, she smiled up at him and shifted slightly closer.

His cat wanted to be the one to crack open her prickly exterior and unravel the mystery of her.  The only problem was after seeing her interactions with the pack, Remi seemed to be the only one she wanted to swipe a claw at.

The rancid emotions he had stuffed down sprang back with a vengeance, sending irrational jealousy spiking through him.  For some reason, she brought out his inner psychopath, all the dark urges and instincts that he kept chained within. Very few knew about them, and he intended to keep it that way.

With a sigh, he rubbed at his temples to ease his pounding headache.  If only he could place the blame on the recent circulation of human supremacy rhetoric, but that would merely be an excuse for his own lack of control.  He told himself that things would be better once she was pack since he disliked having an unprotected submissive female in his territory, which was true, especially with the possibility of active anti-Changeling groups in the area.

He felt scraped raw on the inside.  It had been a while since he’d been this spun up in his head and he needed to get that sucker back on straight.  This was a time for joy, not the shadows haunting him.

“Leaving already?” Lark asked from behind him.  She had managed to sneak up on him, which was a sure sign that he was off his game.

“If you feel the need to babysit, go chase after the cubs,” he growled over his shoulder.

“I’m doing my job.”  She let his temper roll off her.  “Need someone to run with?” He shook his head.  He’d prefer a good fight, but in this mood he was likely to shred even a sentinel.  “Remember you have to be back in time to help judge the costume contest.”

An affirmative grunt.  Pack bonds were important, especially in such a young pack, but he had to vent this before his attitude began to affect everyone else.

WAKE UP HUMANS!

Our children deserve a future free of Changeling violence.  These animals come into our communities with their drugs and violence, lowering property values, living off welfare, and preying on hard-working humans.  In the name of “political correctness,” we the taxpayers are prevented from standing up to these parasites.

DON’T BE DELUDED BY A “BRIGHT NEW FUTURE”

We need to change the country’s liberal policies that are eroding our values.  It’s alright to be human and we need to stop being ashamed of it. Changelings want us afraid and divided to prevent us from having a group identity.  We have been the victims of the other races for too long. They try to divide us, take away our rights, and plan to eliminate us because they fear us.

STOP CONTRIBUTING TO HUMAN GENOCIDE!!!  KEEP THE HUMAN RACE PURE!!!

       -Excerpt from letters sent to residents of Sevier County, Tennessee September 2083

Lorel hummed and swayed along to music while she piped bright pink rosettes onto the rows of cupcakes in front of her.  The radio was set to the show of the DJ from the party, a pretty human packmember by the name of Aoife. Country wasn’t her typical choice of genre, but it reminded her of dancing at the party.  She hardly knew anything about Elias, and therefore had no feelings about him one way or the other, yet she couldn’t get the other night out of her mind; not that she was dreaming of the soldier or anything.  

She had been completely dumbfounded; no one had ever asked her to dance.  Well, not since that horrible prom night in high school, anyway. While she’d doubted that the leopard would try to pull what her teenaged date had, she had looked to Tien and gotten reassurance.  She barely knew the other woman but trusted that Tien wouldn’t knowingly put her in danger.

It had been a long time since anyone other than her aunt had touched her, and far longer since she’d had any physical contact of a non-platonic nature.  Elias had made it clear that he found her interesting and attractive, which she could have chalked up to the promiscuous nature of Changelings. But he had also been respectful of her boundaries even though it was obvious that her limits were far more stringent than that of a Changeling’s, and possibly those of many humans.

She kept her distance not just because she didn’t want them to assume she was easy, or that she was going to join the pack, but because it simply felt too good and not even in a sexual way.  At first, Elias’ touch was nearly painful, like her skin was so focused in its need that every sensation was heightened ten-fold to absorb everything at once. Startled by the sensitivity, she had been about to retreat when the song ended, but the ache of the loss had her saying ‘yes” to the next person who approached.

The sun had set and red, yellow, orange, and white fairy lights strung between the trees had lit up.  At that point, she’d called it a night with the excuse that she had to work in the morning; while that was true, she had worried that she’d be tempted to go exploring the woods in animal form.  Even if they’d allowed her, she couldn’t permit the cat to take over.

Tien had approached her with arms wide in expectation of a hug.  Unsure of what to do, Lorel did her best impression of a statue as the other woman’s arms had folded around her.  It wasn’t a brief embrace, either. It was strong and warm and all-encompassing. Maternal. And she soaked it up like rain after a drought, her skin still starving even after all the dancing.  Although her aunt had lavished affection on her before going travelling, as if she’d tried to compensate for the lack over the years, there was a quality among the Changelings that felt like she was finally coming home.

Lorel had let herself relax into the hug and had, had to force herself to pull away, fussing with her clothes to keep from reaching out to the other woman again.  Her cat’s tail had lashed in irritation at the denial, but didn’t act out in any other way, thankfully.

At the sound of the door opening, she set the bag of frosting down and headed out front while wiping her hands on a clean, damp cloth.  A woman looked at something on her phone as she approached the counter.

“Good morning,” Lorel greeted her.  The customer held up a finger while she tapped something into her phone.  Lore’s customer service smile grew strained while she waited. When she finally looked up, her scent soured before Lorel could offer a sample of berry crumble cake.

“Where’s Nora?” she demanded.

That was a question she’d heard far too many times, but this time the edge to it had her ocelot’s upper lip curling away from her teeth.

“My aunt’s currently on a beach enjoying her retirement.”  The mask wavered as Lorel fought against mirroring the sneer of her cat.

“Is there someone else who can help me?” she frowned.

Okay, that was a new one.

“Just me, I’m afraid,” shrugged Lorel.  “Is there a problem?”

“Don’t snap at me.”  Lorel swore that the other woman was two seconds away from clutching her pearls, if she’d worn any.  “I just want to know when someone else will be in to serve me.”

What in the name of all that was good and holy?

“Ma’am, I’m the owner,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Right,” she rolled her eyes, then muttered, “I just don’t know where this country is headed.  Animals like you taking jobs from good people.”

In an instant, her cat went from unamused disdain to homicidal rage.  Lorel throttled it back, but her eyes flashed yellow-green if the sudden ashen hue underneath the woman’s spray-on tan was any indication.

“Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  Lorel didn’t bother with the fake smile this time.

“How dare you!”  Her colour returned, going straight to red.  “I’m going to sue for intimidation.” Her shrill voice grew louder and louder until Lorel’s ears protested the abuse.  She stormed out, entering a code into her phone.

She released the breath she’d been holding only to inhale a lungful of perfume strong enough to make her eyes water.  Her ocelot wanted to hunt her down like a rabbit, but she convinced it that the meat was bad. She propped open the door to air out the store and the obnoxious woman stood in front of the yarn shop next door.  Still on the phone, she turned and the blood drained from her face when she saw Lorel.

“Oh my god, she’s following me!” she shrieked.  

Lorel rolled her eyes and decided she’d go put her irritation to good use by kneading dough for cinnamon buns.  As much fun as decorating cupcakes for a little girl’s birthday party was, that required a steady hand and hers were shaking with unexpressed anger.

The butcher’s block was barely floured when the sounds of sirens pierced her eardrums.  She dusted off her hands and returned to the front to find four cops standing there, each with a hand on a weapon.  Blinking, she froze mid-brush. I probably shouldn’t offer them doughnuts, she thought.

“Good afternoon, officers.  Would you like to try the berry crumble?”  She gestured to the silver tray with the samples and bit back a laugh at their bewildered expressions.  Evidently, they’d expected to find her frothing at the mouth from the way the blonde was still carrying on outside to a fifth cop.  They probably hadn’t anticipated a woman who more resembled a librarian than a murderous beast.

[bbq-hawks-wings]

So I took a personality test to day and got the result of an Architect (INTJ) and for some reason Hawks just came to mind so I wondered, based on the Myers-Briggs classification what personality would he have? Also just out of curiosity, and you don't have to answer, but what would yours be? (I took the quiz on the website 16personalities)

Fantastic question, anon! Last I took the test a few years ago I was an INFP (The Mediator) myself which I think still largely applies. It can be easy to mistype yourself, let alone someone else, so I’m going to use evidence from the manga as much as possible and go through the individual traits one by one to see what I can find. I considered taking the test myself in character, but realized especially with how long the test is it could be easy to either overthink it or hyper-fixate on consciously or unconsciously preconceived traits, so I decided an evidence-based approach would be more accurate.

An important thing to know about Meyers-Briggs personality types is that they’re not all-encompassing, exclusive, or immutable. Some people have a tendency to make ill-informed preconceptions about people or treat it like a horoscope. This is the wrong way to apply a Meyers-Briggs personality type. They are insights to the instinctual way people are likely to act and perform and are only a tool to aid in things like working in a team, putting them on a path to personal success, and exercising emotional intelligence when interacting with them. Many people may still display a different “type” in different settings so I’ll be as cognizant of that as possible as I go through.

So with that, let’s get started!

Extroverted [E] or Introverted [I]?

This is a fantastic example of how preconceived notions  can completely mess up a characterization of someone as well as someone displaying a different type from what they might naturally display. Hawks is great with people, can work a crowd, and is a people-pleaser through and through. To many others, he would be a dead ringer for an extroverted. However:

In his own ideal world, Hawks has time to himself, to spend alone at home, doing whatever he wants freely. If he was an extrovert this dream might be a little more geared towards still being a top hero, but he’s said in so many words he wishes he was a little further down the ladder.

At this point I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up that a false dichotomy of introvert/extrovert has developed over the years. Humans require interaction with other humans to stay healthy and they also require alone time. Too much or too little of either will give them problems over time. It’s a tad frustrating to me that this personality test requires an either/or answer since I thoroughly believe that Hawks enjoys human company and would naturally seek it out in his ideal scenario, just in greater moderation than he does now (which would make him more of an ambivert); but given the fact that at this point in time he seeks more opportunities for solitude, I’m going to answer that he lands, somewhat surprisingly in the Introverted category.

Observant [S] or Intuitive [N]?

This one is also tricky at first, but a deeper dive into their definitions gives us a pretty solid answer, I think. According to the website: 

“These traits describe what people are more likely to do with the information gathered from the world around them. Intuitive personality types rely on imagining the past and future potential of what they see. Those with the Observant style are more interested in observable facts and more straightforward outcomes. They prefer to avoid layering too much interpretation on what they see.“

So does Hawks take a complicated, theoretical approach to information he’s exposed to, or does he call it like he sees it? Does he act in the here and now, or is he more bigger picture?

While he’s actively working toward a definitive goal, he has a tendency to only focus on the information in front of him as it happens. Dabi’s going to release a super powered Nomu? Better get the best hero around to fight it. Need to infiltrate the League of Villains? Just hammer away at getting Dabi to trust him and open the door for him.

He tends to look at the road in front of him to figure out if he should go left or right, but doesn’t always seem to realize he could be being taken for a ride. In his section of the new character book, his relationship with Dabi is described as “they are using each other” (note the present continuous tense) meaning that Dabi is stringing along the number two hero for his own purposes, but Hawks seems to have no idea of it. Just his altercation with Dabi at the warehouse after High End is proof he’s too trusting of the information he’s given at face value.

He may have contingencies (such as holding onto the one feather), but they do not span very far and wide into the future depending on any way things go. It’s always, “If plan A doesn’t work, go to plan B” and never a step or two ahead of that or a consideration of other possible outcomes. Did he have a plan in case High End actually killed Endeavor? Based on his reaction, I don’t think he really thought that was a possibility even though in the end it almost happened and left him with a permanent scar.

This, to me, puts him safely in the Observant category.

Thinking [T] or Feeling [F]?

Hey, this one is actually easy! Hawks is incredibly intelligent, but he is far from rational. A good litmus test for this is to see how someone reacts to failure. A thinking individual will view an undesirable outcome as useful data for the future and possibly just a result of things beyond their control, but a feeling person will view the same as proof of inadequacy that needs to be remedied through personal improvement.

He consistently reacts to situations emotionally first. Even when Tokoyami really proved himself during his internship, it was an emotional response that changed his attitude towards training him and the next generation.

Even Endeavor describes him as,

Hawks has always been emotionally expressive, responsive, and driven. In his interactions with others, he displays a huge amount of emotional intelligence - you can see it in the way he ever so slightly adjusts his interactions with others based on the response to him and the outcome he’s looking for. He pauses for just a second to get a cool selfie perfect for a girl’s social media timeline, he’s polite and considerate carrying a little old lady’s bags up the stairs for her, and he appeals to a little boy’s sense of style and flair when asked to sign his bag. The way he and others feel at any given moment is almost paramount to him.

This is a trait I don’t see changing in his character over time unlike some of the others. He’s clearly a Feeling type.

Judging [J] or Prospective [P]?

This one I also think is easy to figure out. Basically, does he prefer a set, methodical schedule or is he a more spontaneous, spur of the moment person?

Yeah, this is Hawks we’re talking about. He’s shockingly adaptable and almost seems to fall into routine for the sake of others instead of his own sanity. Most of his decisions are made on the fly, and he’s known to improvise.

He’s more than capable of planning ahead, but prefers to operate as the wind blows which makes him a solid Prospective type.

Assertive [-A] or Turbulent [-T]?

For funsies, I just want to pop in and check in on this last trait since it’s here. Basically, all it asks is his confidence level and response to stress. I’ve more or less answered this earlier, but when encountering a situation potentially way over his head, he may outwardly display confidence and roll with the punches (his _S_P traits at work) but when it comes to results, especially failure, perfection and personal excellence are all that matter. I feel very confident classifying him as a Turbulent personality.

Final Results

So with that we get a final Meyers-Briggs personality type of ISFP-T which according to 16 Personalities is the Adventurer type personality.

“Adventurer personalities are true artists, but not necessarily in the typical sense where they’re out painting happy little trees. Often enough though, they are perfectly capable of this. Rather, it’s that they use aesthetics, design and even their choices and actions to push the limits of social convention. Adventurers enjoy upsetting traditional expectations with experiments in beauty and behavior – chances are, they’ve expressed more than once the phrase “Don’t box me in!” Adventurers live in a colorful, sensual world, inspired by connections with people and ideas. These personalities take joy in reinterpreting these connections, reinventing and experimenting with both themselves and new perspectives. No other type explores and experiments in this way more. This creates a sense of spontaneity, making Adventurers seem unpredictable, even to their close friends and loved ones. Despite all this, Adventurers are definitely Introverts, surprising their friends further when they step out of the spotlight to be by themselves to recharge. Just because they are alone though, doesn’t mean people with the Adventurer personality type sit idle – they take this time for introspection, assessing their principles. Rather than dwelling on the past or the future, Adventurers think about who they are. They return from their cloister, transformed.Adventurers live to find ways to push their passions. Riskier behaviors like gambling and extreme sports are more common with this personality type than with others. Fortunately their attunement to the moment and their environment allows them to do better than most. Adventurers also enjoy connecting with others, and have a certain irresistible charm.”

It feels like a pretty accurate assessment of his personality, so I think I did a good job. This was a lot of fun, and I feel like I’ve even gotten to know him a little better! Thanks for sending in the question, anon, I really enjoyed it!

And if you’re curious about Meyers-Briggs personality types or want to take the assessment yourself, go check out 16personalities[.]com!

[glassrain]

Then what House is Adrien in?

Much as it painsme to give such a by-the-books answer, I’m going to have to sayHufflepuff - though, perhaps, not for the reasons many people would.I.e., I wouldn’t put Adrien in Hufflepuff simply because he’snice. Kindness is a choice, not a character trait. People can be niceand not be in Hufflepuff; inversely, a Hufflepuff is fully capable ofbeing selfish, cold, snide, shy, or temperamental, among many othernon-sunshiny character traits. Being a nice, positive and outgoingindividual is neither a prerequisite nor a litmus test forHufflepuffs.

(Sorry about the mini rant, but I have Opinions on Hogwarts Housesorting.)

So first I’m going to touch on why I wouldn’t putAdrien in Ravenclaw, like OP of the Adrien is aRavenclaw post. (I’m quickly going to plug in here that OPis absolutely welcome to their opinion and I’m notarguing that they’re WrongTM - simply that Iapproach the character differently than they do.) OP’s pointsessentially boil down to: “Adrien is a lot smarter than peoplegive him credit for (Ravenclaw), and takes no crap when his lovedones are in the wrong (non-Hufflepuff).” I absolutely agree thatAdrien is markedly smarter than people give him credit for. He’snever shown to be any less than a straight-A student in any subject,not to mention the fact that his continued presence in public schoolis dependent on his high grades, so clearly he’s smart. He somehow manages to keep this track record, evenwhile juggling multiple extra curriculars and his superheroactivities - no minor feat. OP also references his puns and play-onwords; you have to have a pretty clever mind to do that as well andconstantly as he does, on the fly.

While I’ll give credit to the point about the puns, I’m notgoing to sort someone based solely on their sense of humor. As forAdrien’s academia … okay, brace yourself for another mini rant.Intelligent people are not automatically sorted into Ravenclaw,simply because they are intelligent. Just look at Hermione. I thinkthat if she were not originally from Harry Potter, manypeople would instantly sort her into Ravenclaw simply for thatreason, despite the fact that she is so obviously Gryffindor.Likewise, I wouldn’t sort Adrien into Ravenclaw based solely on hisbook smarts. Where are the Ravenclaw aspects in other areasin his life - the instinctual, day-to-day parts of his life insteadof the ones where he intentionally turns his mind toward studying andtaking in information? Adrien rarely tries to outsmart his opponents,usually preferring to take point physically while Ladybug riddles outthe solution (and even his fighting style is forward, flashy andaggressive instead of sly and clever). Adrien is also themost clueless character on the show - and after two years running that cannot just be from inexperience. For example,Marinette is not exactly subtle even when she’s trying to be, but Adrien still hasn’t even aninkling about her feelings toward him (at least as far as I’vewatched - I’m not entirely up to date in season 3). Adrien has noidea that his father is Hawkmoth despite the fact that Gabriel spendsall his time locked away in a mysterious attic, or the fact thatAdrien saw the peacock miraculous in hisfather’s hidden safe where he was keeping a book on themiraculous’ (or the fact that Gabriel has a hidden safe tobegin with), or the fact that he’s got butterflies decorating hisentire house, not to mention his father’s brand logo. Has Adriengot any clue that his mother is stashed away in the basement? Adrienis also one of the most easily manipulated characters on the show,because he instantly takes everything people say at face value, neverquestioning them because it doesn’t occur to histo question. It doesn’t occur to him to wonder about thediscrepancies in his life. He doesn’t even notice them,because his brain isn’t wired to observe and form connections. Hisbrain isn’t wired to be curious.

His brain isn’t wired like a Ravenclaw.

So, not a Ravenclaw. But why a Hufflepuff? After all, OP madevalid points about how easily Adrien fights his loved ones. Wouldn’tthat indicate a certain lack of Hufflepuff-ness? My answer to thatis: not necessarily.

Hufflepuffs are hardworking, patient, and fair players - alltraits Adrien has in spades. But Hufflepuff’s truly defining trait- loyalty - is the one that really cements me on this particularsorting for Adrien. It’s true that Adrien pulls no punches whenconfronting his akumatized friends, but it’s equally true thatAdrien’s goal is to free his friends from Hawkmothand restore them to themselves. At the end of the day, he fights soferociously for them, trying to defeat the enemy in orderto retrieve the friend trapped inside. What at first looks like alack of loyalty is instead a bright example of saidloyalty. OP also mentioned Adrien’s willingness to confront hisloved ones, like Chloe in Despair Bear. Confrontingsomeone you care about on a genuine problem in their life is hardly asign of disloyalty - in fact, it would be far more disloyalto stand back and allow toxic behaviors in someone’s life tocontinue hurting them, simply because confrontation makes one feeluncomfortable. The fact that easy-going, gentle Adrien is willing to stifle his natural instincts to make peace in order to confront his loved ones only highlights his loyalty to them, revealing how far he will go for their good. To again reference Despair Bear, Adrienwas speaking in defense of his friends - also people he is loyal to -gave Chloe an entire season’s worth of chances before offering hisultimatum, and all throughout the episode stood by her side,believing in her and encouraging her, and coaxing others to believein her as well. This kind of tenacity and loyalty is all markedly Hufflepuffbehavior.

Adrien continues to stay loyal to Chloe, even past the point where he should probably cut ties. He remains her friend despite the often cruel way she treats the other classmates - a fact that would look rather contradictory of Adrien’s character if he weren’t so hopelessly Hufflepuff. He remains her friend despite her habit of constantly harassing him in season 1. Adrien is very quick to forgive her and reaffirm their friendship after somewhat minimal effort on Chloe’s part to make amends in Despair Bear, because he wants to remain faithful to her, despite everything. He also defends her to Ladybug on multiple occasions, in episodes like Antibug or Queen Wasp, regardless of Ladybug’s very valid anger at Chloe. Because Adrien doesn’t turn his back on his friends.

Speaking of people Adrien is devoutly devoted to: Ladybug. OP mentioned that Adrien’s habit of constantly sacrificing himself for her is more an indication of logic - since Ladybug is the only one who can cleanse akumas - rather than loyalty. While I agree that this certainly a part of it, I don’t think there’s any indication that it’s the sole reason, or even the primary reason. From a purely cinematic perspective, nearly every episode with Chat sacrificing himself for Ladybug (Zombizou excluded) plays the scenario as a sacrifice for a friend instead of as a means to an end, indicating that loyalty is in fact the root cause. But even disregarding his fierce protection of her in battle, his faith in her boarders on irrational. (This faith, this unwavering belief that Ladybug can and will rise above any obstacle, his willingness to do practically anything she asks based on that faith, is a subtler but equally strong fact of loyalty. After all, loyalty isn’t just an action - it’s also an unwavering belief in a person/cause.) In Dark Owl, Adrien was willing to give her his miraculous, which she said she was going to surrender to Hawkmoth, simply because she asked him to. No real objections or questions, simply a blind trust that Ladybug knew what she was doing, and Adrien was willing to risk one of his few freedoms - not to mention letting Hawkmoth win - based solely on that faith. Or how about in Hero’s Day, when Adrien insists with full confidence, “You and me, we can do this,” when faced with an literal army of akumas? It’s certainly not faith in himself that prods him to say that. Adrien No-one-needs-me-as-Chat-Noir, You’re-replacing-me-with-a-turtle? Agreste, he hasn’t got the highest self esteem on a good day, let alone when virtually the entire city of Paris is hunting them down with very dangerous superpowers. His words here stem entirely from his faith in Ladybug. Another example is Reverser. In this episode Adrien, scared out of his mind at even a ride in a cab, willingly allows himself to be blindfolded and tied to a kite, then hurls himself off the Eiffel Tower, even knowing that Ladybug can barely walk three steps without making a mess, trusting her to catch the rope and guide him safely. The ability to trust someone that completely is an unabashedly Hufflepuff trait.

To further examine the topic, what about his feelings for Ladybug? Adrien is a hopeless romantic, and he wants to be in a relationship. But no matter how hard he might try - like his attempted date with Kagami - he’s already given his heart to Ladybug and can’t even comprehend the idea of taking it back and trying with someone else. Tikki and Marinette even have a conversation about it in Weredad - Tikki cautions Marinette and reminds her that Ladybug has rejected Chat Noir so many times, that he might be willing to try with someone new. Marinette simply scoffs at the idea, utterly confident that Chat Noir is devoted fully to Ladybug. And she’s right. No matter how many times she tells him she’s in love with someone else, Adrien is simply incapable of taking back his affection, or to stop trying with her (for better or for worse). In fact, I credit his devotion to Ladybug as the reason he’s so blind to Marinette - Adrien clearly adores Marinette, he has nothing but a thousand glowing praises to say about her, and is baffled at the idea that someone as amazing (in his own words) as Marinette might like Chat Noir. It’s not a lack of affection that keeps him on his “just a friend” train - it’s the fact that his eyes are so full of Ladybug that he doesn’t even see Marinette, not that way.

The final point I’m going to make (because this post has gotten quite out of hand) is Adrien’s loyalty to Gabriel. While Adrien’s loyalty to his friends and partner is commendable, his relationship with his father a much more unfortunate story: loyalty misplaced. Loyalty blinding him to faults. When Gabriel akumatizes himself into the Collector, that is a marked indication of his innocence in the Hawkmoth debate … but it doesn’t negate the previous evidences, all of which Adrien is perfectly content to ignore for the sake of maintaining his relationship with his father. The last thing he wants to believe is that his father is the madman terrorizing the city. So he doesn’t. Even beyond the question of Hawkmoth, however, Adrien’s loyalty to his father is the root of him blaming himself for his father’s behavior, while letting Gabriel off scott free. I DON’T say this to blame Adrien in any way, because Adrien is very much the victim of his father’s abuse. Adrien bends over backwards to please and appease his father: his extra curriculars are of Gabriel’s choosing, and Adrien makes sure to excel in each. Even before public school was cause for motivation, Adrien still made high grades to please his father. Adrien models for Gabriel’s company, and seems happy to do so. Adrien works so hard to be the perfect son. But he gets little to nothing out of it. Gabriel rarely dines with him, never leaves the house to support Adrien’s school activities, photo shoots, or fencing matches, keeps him locked away, isolated in his room like a cage (to the point where imprisonment becomes one of his worst fears). Gabriel tells him that he must schedule appointments with Nathalie for something as simple as a conversation with his father. Gabriel scolds and guilts Adrien for something as innocent as sneaking out to watch a movie that starred his mother (all while hiding his own heinous secrets). Gabriel intentionally manipulates Adrien into believing that Gabriel’s akumatization in The Collector is his fault. Gabriel gave him nothing but a single pen for his birthday for three years (or in the original French, completely forgot about it very often).

In the face of such treatment, many children would be inclined to grow resentful, angry and rebellious, hurting deeply over their abuse. Adrien, however, grows pensive and insecure. His loyalty to Gabriel blinds him, leads him to stalwartly refuse to acknowledge Gabriel’s treatment of him. Baring two short instances in Simon Says, Adrien never - not once - corrects, accuses,or snaps at Gabriel. The closest he comes is sadly acknowledging that Gabriel once again, won’t be showing up/ refuses to give him an inch/ etc., and even then Adrein is merely sad instead of accusatory. Adrien leaps at any crumbs of affection Gabriel might deign to toss his way, so blinded by his love and loyalty to this man that it never even occurs to him that he deserves better from his own father. Instead, he willingly shoulders the blame, or makes allowances and excuses, or ignores the situation all together. Because if Gabriel is what’s wrong with their relationship … then Adrein might have to pull away fro his own good. And that goes against his very nature. Adrien being at fault is infinitely more preferable to him than cutting ties to his father.

So, yes. I believe that Adrien is 100% a Hufflepuff - not for his sweet smile or his compassion or his penchant for optimism, but for his fierce dedication and unwavering trust in those he loves, even those who may not deserve it. Adrien is absolutely a Hufflepuff, and I cannot be convinced otherwise. Although OP did make one very valid point - poor Adrien would look terrible in yellow. Sorry, Adrien.

[deepjams4]

Youth and Old Guard

It is generally observed that in many organisations, or even in national politics, the old guard is at the verge of retirement and there is a general complaint that the youngsters are not yet ready to take over. The youngsters are being blamed as careless, a pampered lot and irresponsible. There is fear of widening skill gap and vacuum at leadership level. Though I am not a management graduate nor I am a student of psychology, but based on my some practical experience at various rungs of management, I am sharing my some thoughts, which I tried to follow, or felt the need for them. I request others to pitch in to contribute for better solutions to this serious issue, which is looming large before many organisations and their managements, calling for urgent redressal.

When we go through Hindu religious scriptures and texts or many Hindu Mythological stories, among many things, the common factor we observe is, that the personalities central to the epics were generally of very young age when they came into prominence.

Lord Rama was quite young when his father considered it fit enough to pass on the batten of heading the kingdom to Lord Rama. Similarly Lord Krishna was also young and so was Yudhishthira. Pandu also became the king of Hastinapur, when he was quite young.

If we have a cursory glance on Ancient Indian History, we observe that ‘Ashoka the Great’, was only 36 years old when he became the king of Magadha Empire or Akhaṇḍa Bhārata. His grand father, the founder emperor of the Maurya Dynasty, the great Chandragupta Maurya ascended the throne, when he also was quite young.

Tenth Sikh guru, Sri Guru Gobind Singh or Maratha Samrat Chhatrapati Shiva ji Maharaj, who fought valiantly against Mughal tyranny for oppressed and humanity, took up leadership roles while they were quite young.

In our freedom struggle, the youngsters were on the forefront to fight for our independence. They took lead with full zeal and enthusiasm. Who can forget Netaji Subhash Chander Bose or Shahid Bhagat Singh, Rajguru, Sukhdev or Chandershekhar Azad or Bismil to name a few. What was the age of each of them when they took such challenging lead roles and responsibilities?

Cricket icon Kapil Dev became a national hero by leading India to a never before dreamt or imagined World Cup win. He was hardly twenty five years of age then. Sachin Tendulkar was hardly a school going boy when he announced his arrival on International cricket arena with a bang.

Similarly Binny Bansal and Sachin Bansal were only in their late twenties or early thirties when they brought Indian e-commerce platform Flipkart to challenge International e-commerce giant Amazon.

Take the case of film industry. In early 1970s Dimple Kapadia and Rishi Kapoor, the then teen sensations, were very young and raw when they stole the limelight from the veteran big stars of the time. Not only they have still sustained themselves till now, but also became leaders who pioneered a new trend thus opening the gates for so many youngsters to follow.

The common thread between all these personalities and great legends and revered Gurus, whom we worship, was they all were young.They were ready to take up challenges and very enthusiastic as well as willing to shoulder responsibilities. Their mentors had inculcated unparalleled resilience in them.

In the 1990s, Deng forced many of the conservative elders such as Chen Yun into retirement, allowing radical reforms to be carried out by bringing in relatively very young leadership to whom he played the role of a mentor. Because of the vision of the old guard for grooming of young leadership, where China stand today in all spheres is for every body to see.

Infosys founder Mr.Narayana Murthy was hardly thirty five years, when he founded this software giant. Not only he founded the company but he also brought with him six other co-founders and mentored them for future leadership. As a result these gentlemen also have proved to be excellent leaders in the corporate world in their own right.

Reliance Group Chairman Mr.Mukesh Ambani was hardly 45 years when he took over the reins of the group after his father Mr.Dhirubhai Ambani’s death. Again it is to be taken note of that Late Mr. Dhirubhai Ambani was a first generation entrepreneur with no business background and was hardly 45 years when he founded Reliance Industries.

Further, if we look elsewhere in the international arena, our attention goes to Apple and Microsoft. Late Steve Jobs founded Apple Computer Company in 1976, when he was hardly twenty one years of age. Bill Gate was in his twentieth year when he founded Microsoft in 1975. Similarly, Mark Zuckerberg was not even twenty years old when he founded Facebook in 2004. Such list of young entrepreneurs is endless.

For these young leaders, their mentors or guides or coaches, by whatever name we may address, were elderly or old guards but possessed vast experience. They knew very well, that they could only make plans, but, it is the youngsters only, who could execute such plans. The old guards were masters in their own right. They were innovators and path breakers, and took challenges to groom and mentor the new generation for future leadership.

The youngsters are willing to lead, enthusiastic, and ready to take challenges . They are bubbling with raw energy. They possess latest qualification and know-how but despite all information they lack wealth of experience and knowledge to execute seamlessly. It depends on their mentors to groom and guide the young leaders, with their rich experience of handling the situations, acquired over years of slogging and hard work.

If these mentors become handlers and brain wash the youngsters, these youngsters get radicalised and wreck havoc on the civil society by becoming terrorists. On the other hand if these mentors play their roles as guides by successfully invoking passions in these youngsters, help them in properly channelising their raw energy by giving them proper directions, then these youngsters become successful leaders in their respective fields.

Many of these young icons might have been lucky enough to have comfort of family background as a launch pad to opt for same profession and they went to the same vocations or family business, but ultimately if they could successfully survive, it was because they had the stuff to sustain, and willpower to prove themselves as leaders.

If any individual is not having capability to become a leader or is not capable to adapt and evolve, he is sure to crumble under the pressures of leadership. The mantle of leadership may be thrust on anyone, but for one to succeed, ultimately it depends on the one’s survival instinct and fighting spirit along with the willingness to learn, and the capability to accept challenges enthusiastically.

Public acceptance of such individuals is the ultimate litmus test. There are so many of such individuals, who, merely just because of family lineage got the positions, but in no time vanished from the scene because of cold response or rejection by the public. The success or acceptance of their predecessors in no way helped these individuals. There are ample examples if see around us.

But when so many examples of success stories of young leadership are there, then why the old guard is sceptical about handing over the reins of leadership to young generation. Why there is such a trust deficit, when we know youngsters have more time at hands to improve, adapt and learn from past experience. More the exposure and more the experience, that these youngsters gain, it only goes to their storage system, to be dug out in case of need, to handle more challenges in future in a better way.

Is the old guard afraid, that their authority and control will be wrested, and they will be sidelined, if the young generation starts taking more and more leadership roles. By just putting the blame on the youngsters that they are rakish or indolent, the old generation cannot absolve themselves of the failure of youngsters, because the old guard has equal responsibility to groom these youngsters in their earlier years or initial stages. If these youngsters are not good enough to deliver, it is a miserable failure on the part of the old guard as they failed in their responsibilities to invest in youngsters.

The old guard generally wants to put all the blame on youngsters by labelling them as irresponsible and uninterested to learn. Why this position has arrived at the first place itself? It is equally possible that the old guard failed to generate interests in the youngsters to become responsible or show interest in learning. May be the old guard did not evolve new techniques or adopt new technologies or use new tools, so as to generate enough interest and enthusiasm in the youngsters.

The question arises that how much interest the old guard itself has shown to learn and adopt new tools and technologies? You cannot teach a twenty first century youngster with obsolete twentieth century tools and technologies. When the old guard itself has not taken trouble or made efforts to improve their capabilities and shown lackadaisical attitude towards new developments, then they have no right to blame the youngsters. Believe me, if elders have no good opinion about the young brigade, the reverse is also equally true. The youngsters feel frustrated and lack any respect for the old guard.

We the old guard, one side take pride that we we were very obedient and respectful towards our elders, hardly raising any voice or questioned the wisdom or decisions of our elders. Despite growing up, we were totally dependent on our elders to take decisions for us. We took pride in claiming that our elders took decisions for us. But please pardon me if I would dare say that we were in fact shirking our responsibilities to own up our failures, and mistakes. In case of failures, we felt it convenient to say that it was not our decisions, we were merely the executors of the decisions made by our elders. In fact we wanted to play safe, take credits for success and putting blames on elders for our failures.

Many a times, when we were young or middle aged, many of us were found sulking at the arrangements, where we were afraid of our elders in the name of respecting them. Many of us were feeling throttled, because of lack of our freedom to decide for ourselves. Many of us during those moments would have vowed not to repeat such treatments with our children and ensure freedom to the youngsters for taking necessary calls for themselves for leading their lives.

We all know that learning is a continuous process, still we midway stop learning new things, new technologies and new ways of executing the jobs, entrapped in the web of misguided thinking that what we know, only that is correct or the best. Who knows our elders might have labelled us the same way as irresponsible and incapable when we were youngsters.

The time has long gone when questioning your parents or bosses was considered a sin, or challenge to the authority or disrespect. Today’s generation in the quest for information and knowledge asks questions. They want reasoning for the need for doing a particular job or in a particular fashion. The old guard cannot treat this as a disrespect by the youngsters because they question them. You cannot demand respect, but you will have to put efforts to command it by self educating, updating and upgrading skills, so that you can answer to the questions or address to the anxieties or apprehensions of youngsters.

What the old guard learnt or acquired qualifications when they were youngsters, is almost obsolete. Instead, the youngsters are equipped with latest and better informations on those subjects, because over the time new researchers have taken place and new concepts have been evolved. The old guard need to accept and adapt to the changes for and raising their bar, so that youngsters are ready to accept their advises or guidance and willingly ready to accept the old guard as their role models. For retaining the position of prominence, the old guard has to be giver and contributor, which can happen only if they strive to know the things more and better than the youngsters.

Now is the time to fulfil those vows, which the old guard made to themselves of not depriving their next generation from the facilities or rights, which they lacked or were denied by their elders. Handholding and mentoring youngsters or helping them in making their decisions or mid course corrections may always be felt as the need of the hour. But it should not be the excuse to stop them from becoming self dependent in any way. Let them fail or fall. Please be there to help, assist, guide or advise them if that is needed or required or requested by the youngsters. But stop running for them. It’s their race, let them decide how to run.

WISH YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY COLOURFUL HOLI

Pradeep Shoree

18th March, 2019

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7 Content Marketing Tasks to Automate Right Now

SEO tips.

The next post was shared courtesy of Content Marketing Institute. They will nearly always supply subject matter of the best quality and so are among my new must-watch blog writers. I hope you enjoy.

Rapid advances in AI technologies mean marketing automation is no longer optional. It’s a mainstay of modern marketing.

Not all content marketing tasks can or should be automated. No matter how far AI advances go, software will never replace a human for crafting an insightful and meaningful blog post.

But as you go through your daily content tasks, it’s worth asking, “Can this be automated?” Chances are, many of them can.

Many daily #contentmarketing tasks can be automated, says @IamAaronAgius Click To Tweet

Let me help you choose the areas to automate to plan your approach effectively.

Proofreading: Grammarly

Cost: Free browser extension or paid premium version

You could write a great piece of content, but your readers won’t trust it (and many won’t even read it) if it’s full of spelling and grammar errors.

It takes a lot of time to go through a draft with a fine-toothed comb to find and correct every mistake.

Tools like Grammarly can automate proofreading in a more comprehensive way than the usual spelling and grammar features found in Microsoft Word and Google Docs.

.@Grammarly automates proofreading better than @Microsoft Word & @GoogleDocs. @IamAaronAgius Click To Tweet

The free Google Chrome extension offers basic spelling and grammar corrections in almost every place you write content across the web – web-based emails, social media updates, Google Docs, etc.

The paid version ($11.66 per month) picks up more advanced errors and suggests enhanced vocabulary. It also can identify plagiarism to help make sure you don’t duplicate content.

Email marketing

According to a recent survey from Econsultancy, email is the most effective channel. It helps you garner and follow up on leads and helps prospects through the sales and after-sales processes.

But data shows that companies are spending far too much time producing emails. According to The Litmus 2017 State of Email Report, 68% of companies take at least one week to produce one email. With most companies reporting having one to five emails in production at any given time, that means a lot of time is spent just on email. Yet there’s an abundance of automation software to choose from, including BuzzBuilder Pro and Mailchimp.

68% of companies take at least a week to produce one marketing #email via @litmusap. #research Click To Tweet

List building: BuzzBuilder Pro

Cost: $250-plus a month

Taking into account the testing of content and subject lines, cold lead generation can take months to execute.

BuzzBuilder Pro helps automate and speed up list building. It helps craft personalized cold emails and integrates with your LinkedIn account to send follow-up emails. Other features include a web form builder, social media marketing, and hot lead alerts.

Automated emails: Mailchimp

Cost: Free and paid versions (starting at $10 per month)

From a simple “Thank you for signing up for our newsletter” to “You have items in your shopping cart,” emails offer you an opportunity to keep your customers informed and engaged.

Mailchimp is up there with the best of the automated email software. It lets you store thousands of contacts at a time, segment and A/B test them, and create campaigns that you can save and reuse later. It also lets you schedule your email send times to get the optimal open and click-through rates.

Its automation feature lets you set up complex workflows based on triggers so your customers receive the right kind of email at the right time.

BONUS TOOL: GetResponse (pricing starts at $15 per month) covers much of what Mailchimp does (email workflow automation, triggered events and emails, and lead nurturing). But it’s expected to introduce a CRM feature to allow brands to measure their relationship with their customers in the same place they automate their email workflow.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: How to Write Email Newsletters People Want to Open and Act On

Social media promotion: Zapier

Cost: Free trial; tiered pricing starting at $20 per month)

Promoting your content via social media is another time-consuming task, especially if you manage several platforms at a time, from pinning to Pinterest, to tweeting via Twitter, to uploading to Facebook. And that doesn’t include the time to “like” and share other content.

Platforms like Buffer are great for bulk-uploading your content in advance and scheduling it to send out to your various social accounts. Integrate it with Zapier and this process can be automated.

Automate bulk uploads to #socialmedia with a tool like @Zapier. @IamAaronAgius Click To Tweet

Once you set up your Zapier account, you link it to your social media profiles. You also need to set up your RSS feed. If you need help with RSS, read this guide.

Click on the “explore” tab to set up your cause-and-effect triggers. In the following example, when a new item is published to my blog, it’s automatically posted to my Facebook page.

Set up a few cause-and-effect triggers so each time you publish a blog post it automatically gets promoted on your social media.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: 19 Favorite Tools for Content Promotion in 2018

Workflow automation: IFTTT

Cost: Free

IFTTT (If This Then That) is a go-to for any marketer wanting to automate content workflow. Since its 2010 launch, it’s been free. The automation possibilities are almost endless.

.@IFTTT is a go-to for any marketer wanting to automate #content workflow. @IamAaronAgius #tools Click To Tweet

IFTTT lets you connect your online “services” (e.g., social media accounts, WordPress blog, Gmail account, Google Calendar, and even other external blog RSS feeds) and set up condition statements (applets) that trigger an automation.

For example, you can set up an applet so that every time you post to Facebook, it immediately shares it on your Instagram account. Or, if you want to regularly share industry or topic-related news from The New York Times, your applet could automate posting news from a category (e.g., world news) to your Twitter feed:

Other IFTTT recipes to consider:

Sync your WordPress site with social media so when you post a new blog article it immediately shares to your social profiles.

Sync your Instagram and Pinterest accounts so every time you post a photo on Instagram, it is shared to one of your Pinterest boards.

Sync your YouTube account to social media so every time you upload a new video, it posts to your social profiles.

Monitoring and analysis: Google Analytics

Cost: Free

Google Analytics lets you set up custom reports to automatically send updates on the data you want to focus on. It can be helpful to identify what content is getting the most engagement and pinpoint content areas that drive the most traffic and conversions.

HANDPICKED RELATED CONTENT: Google Analytics + Marketing Automation: How to Get Better Insights About Your Audience

Time to do more

Content marketing is time-consuming work that requires daily input if it’s to bring any kind of ROI. And time, as we know, is money.

But, thanks to advances in big-data technologies and AI, automation is more cost-effective and user-friendly than ever. If you want to streamline your content ideation, creation, curation, and promotion, then it’s time to automate.

And better still, automate your analytics so you’re receiving regular and accurate insights into how your content is performing.

With these tasks automated, you’ll be freed to do more strategic work. Knowing that a lot of your content marketing is ticking on by itself will give you the breathing space to think about new and creative directions in which to take your content marketing.

What tasks do you automate? What tools have you found helpful? Please share in the comments.

Please note: All tools included in our blog posts are suggested by authors, not the CMI editorial team. No one post can provide all relevant tools in the space. Feel free to include additional tools in the comments (from your company or ones that you have used).

Automate your education in content marketing. Subscribe for the free weekday newsletter from the Content Marketing Institute. 

Cover image by Joseph Kalinowski/Content Marketing Institute

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[jyn-and-tonic]

Have you ever been t-boned by a ship?

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, and idk why it has been bugging me lately, especially as I feel a lot of RO hype has faded, but I still felt like putting my two cents out there. Please understand that I don’t expect all (if any) reylo or rebelcaptain shippers to agree with me on this idea, but I did still feel like sharing. 

No one plans on getting t-boned. You’re just minding your business, eyes on the road, being a good driver, when all the sudden out of nowhere, something smashes into you and pushes you completely off the road. 

That was me just about a month ago.

It is no foreign concept to most that know me in this fandom that I have a deep fascination with the relationship between Rey and Kylo. However, that did not smack me upside the head in the middle of the theater. It wasn’t until I read a lot and watched a lot and talked a lot that my interest in it became so rooted. 

I did admittedly feel a connection to Rey, a girl who’s had to fight for a lot in life, but really I saw more of myself in Kylo, someone who “had it made” but screwed themselves up a lot. While sure, I could see the cinematic and storytelling gold mine that lay inside the idea of “reylo”, it was never something I ever really connected to on a deep emotional level, rather it was supremely intellectual for me, and still is. 

It took me long enough to see TFA that I could not avoid the online chatter, and while a bit of it revolved around plot and such, it was mostly about ships. Stormpilot, Finnrey, Kylux, you name it. However, if there was one thing I knew more than there being a million ships, it was that Reylo was apparently the “wrong one”. Now, of course, seeing it myself cleared that up for me and I’ve spent enough time being hated for it and that's fine, but the point is that I expected to find myself attached to the “romance” of at least ONE of these pairings before even going in and it’s possible that affected me in some way.

Now, I knew it was going to be a bit of time before I got to see Rogue One, so after it premiered, I literally shut off Tumblr. I didn’t even bother trying to blacklist, since that didn’t work last time, and just ignored it completely. I basically didn’t even look at Facebook much (it was christmas season anyway, and I was bored of seeing everyone’s family stuff all the time) and I think I just watched a bunch of Netflix and scrolled Pinterest, since nothing really makes it there in a timely fashion.

The other main distinction between TFA and RO for me was that, I had basically gleaned the entire plot and spoilers before going in, so nothing was really a shock. You’d think with the fact that we already knew what happened at the end of RO that it would lay the groundwork for not really allowing the viewers to be “spoiled” as the plot was already laid out 40 years ago. 

I think this heavily contributed to my t-boning. I walked in expecting to be handed a familiar-shaped puzzle piece, one that would fill in the gaps of a familiar story, but wouldn’t hold any surprises. And yes, while the plot and the story were pretty clear-cut, the shape of the piece if you will, I never expected what was actually printed on it. 

I guess I’ve evaded being straightforward about my meaning with all this. It boils down to this. Reylo is definitely still my OTP, but Rebelcaptian makes my heart sing. I’m not sure if I can really explain why, but I am certainly going to try. 

So, the biggest pushback that I’ve noticed towards RC shippers is that if they were/are not also Finnrey shippers, then they are discriminating (guys, can we please drop this argument, it’s been over a year, just let people be happy with what makes them happy and stop sticking your fingers in pies that don’t belong to you). I refuse to argue that one ship is more “progressive” than the other based on the race of the actors, because frankly, I couldn’t care less. I’m not trying to be high and mighty and say that I don’t see color, but rather that color is on the outside, and character is on the inside. I’ve never been enamored by a character simply because of the way the actor or actress looked. If the character was flat, no amount of looks could fix that. Stories are written for characters, not for actors. 

I remember back when Return of the King was released in theaters, the comic strip Foxtrot ran a bunch of comics centered around the fandom culture of wrapping up this epic story’s journey to the big screen. The sister asks her brother, who is quite the LOTR fan, something to the effect of “So how often does Tolkien mention Orlando Bloom in the books, is it a lot”. The idea, while being somewhat frustrating to a girl interested in fandom at the time, highlights the absurdity of assuming that character personas were written for actors to play them. Again, characters are written for the characters themselves. 

Dude! I found the strip. I can’t believe how accurately I remember this from like 13 years ago.

  So, this is not in anyway to put down the characterizations of Rey or Finn, because again, this is not a fight between two ships, but rather to try and put into words what has literally consumed me over the last week (admittedly in a way that I find embarrassing as I’ve kinda always prided myself on being a “closet” fangirl, because I don’t wear a lot of my heart on my sleeve, but this has been NOTHING like that). I’m not here to put that ship down, just to try to explain why I can be heavily invested in two ships that have such different character dynamics.

A lot of it I think comes down to what parts of the characters I see in myself. While I did see some of myself in Rey, especially in her resilience, I just never resonated with the pure effervescence that she has. Though her life on Jakku was brutal, difficult, and lonely, she does not take long to form connections with others in a way that is rooted in an internal joy. She is laughing and smiling with Finn before they even know each other’s names. I am just not like that at all. That’s not to say that I don’t understand how to feel joy or that I’m always a seething ball of rage, but I don’t innately gravitate towards new people I meet. Though it might sound selfish, based on the kind of childhood I had and the emotional abuse I sustained, I have built walls up around myself. Yes, it’s somewhat to keep myself isolated from others, but it’s also a bit to see who’s willing to climb up and over them to get to me. 

In another facet, I also know that I am an intimidating person. My personality type is one where I am critically logical about everything I see and do, yet my ability to dream and create is practically unstoppable. It makes for a person who can see and believe in every possibility, but is logical enough to know exactly which battles to pick long before we fight them. To us, it is efficiency. To others, it is cynicism. I can’t with any surety say that I could pinpoint a Myers-Briggs personality for Jyn, but I imagine it would share a few similar traits with me as an INTJ. There’s no doubt she is independent, having fought only for herself her entire life, and obviously she struggles to trust others and connect with them. This is something I connect with immensely. 

The other half of the equation lies in the other half of the pairing. I honestly think this half holds a lot greater weight for me personally. This is the part that is really difficult for me to explain without feeling awkward or embarrassed. INTJs understand a lot, but we are not good at expressing feeling and emotion. So yeah, a lot of the equation lies in the fact that Cassian is the type of person that I can actually see myself loving. I have not been in many serious relationships in my life for two main reasons. Again, I’m intimidating, but more than that, I have little patience to form strong bonds with most kinds of people, because they annoy or frustrate me. I can work with lots of types of people easily, but I don’t “love” them. It’s very difficult to focus in on exactly what I can and cannot deal with in others, but let’s just say I’m pretty picky. It lends itself to a lonely life for sure, but I would far rather be lonely and in control of my life than to keep company with someone who annoyed or stifled me.

I feel the reason this ship just OBLITERATED me was because you NEVER see this type of personality in a female on-screen and have her be labeled as anything but the resident “bitch” of the film, and she’s certainly not going to be the heroine. Then, on top of that, it’s pretty obvious, whether through the movie, or the novelization, or just by Cassian’s official Spotify playlist, that he’s seriously captivated by Jyn, but it’s definitely not love at first sight. It’s quite a Pride and Prejudice feel, them both thinking they are so very different at first, and then finding they are actually so similar in the end. The reason Rebelcaptain is such a painful ship to love is because the pinnacle of their realization about each other comes only literal moments before their death. Sure I’ve been in relationships, but I’ve never felt “fulfilled” through them. I was still searching for something that I was beginning to think didn’t exist for me. It’s not that I’m going to use this type of characterization in Cassian for a litmus test for all my possible future relationships, but the point is, for the first time practically ever in my life, I actually feel an emotional attachment to a relationship i've seen in a story. This was an earth-shattering realization for me. If you don’t share a similar personality type to me, I fully understand that this may make little to no sense. It’s hard to grasp how someone could make it through 26 years of life and never feel attachment or happiness for the idea of love. 

The first moment it really struck me was Chirrut’s assessment to Cassian that he “carries his prison wherever he goes”. Like, IF THAT AIN’T ME. At that point in the film, Cassian literally has no more “need” for Jyn, and has found himself locked up for the first time of his life. Yet, upon escape, his priority is still to find her and get her safely out. As the film continues, we keep seeing time after time where he puts her before something logical or a direct order. Eventually, we begin to expect it. That connection doesn’t make logical sense to an outsider. She literally hasn’t smiled once, or shown any sort of affection to others, or made kind comments, or anything, yet, he is absolutely enthralled by her. Perhaps he’s just attracted to someone who can wield a cool stick-thing (what is this actually called) by I’m pretty sure it runs a bit deeper than that. It’s as if neither of them could have found this connection with anyone other than each other, as their personalities are too picky. No, I’m not saying they’re soulmates, cause that’s a concept I don’t believe in, but that it’s not difficult as a viewer to assume that, had their lives continued past the credits, without each other, they could have easily remained alone forever. 

“But he was going to kill her father” you say, and you’re right. He was. He’s a spy, he’s given orders, and he carries them out. But if we aren’t defined by our choices, then what are we defined by. They’ve all done terrible things as Cassian said, but he made the decision not to do this one terrible thing. The novelization makes it clearer that his hesitation was rooted in his feeling for Jyn. Not necessarily a “good” feeling or a “bad” one, but there through his scope in Galen lay the same eyes that burned with such intensity in Jyn. I won’t pretend to understand why each character did each thing, but I will find meaning where I feel it fits. 

So again, it’s so hard to have this strong point of view on one ship, but also have differing strong points of view on another one (read:Reylo). I feel conflicted somewhat on an intellectual front, but it all feels very clear on an emotional front, frankly a front that is very new to me in general. 

I’m not sure if any of this is making any sense, again, it’s so hard to pinpoint for me. It just seems that I am so connected to this relationship because it gives me a hope I never anticipated for myself. While having resolved myself for a while to just being alone forever, it’s refreshing to have something to believe in, even if it’s just a story. Emotions are important, and the inability to understand them is dangerous. Finally beginning to understand what it would actually mean to feel that connection is very important. 

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/yoga-for-empaths-12-rules-every-highly-sensitive-person-should-follow/

Yoga for Empaths: 12 Rules Every Highly Sensitive Person Should Follow

Are you easily effected by the energy around you? These 11 Essential Rules from Kat Fowler will help you stay grounded. 

David Tufino

When you walk into a room, can you feel what the energy is like? Have you ever left a meeting feeling extremely tired—or energized? Do you ever feel like you just know how another person is feeling without exchanging any words? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are an empath.

Empaths are highly sensitive, intuitive people. We can read people and situations clearly and easily, and have fine-tuned senses. Due to this sensitivity, we have huge hearts—but can tend to give too much until we run dry. We can, in some ways, also absorb other people’s emotional energy when we’re not aware of it at all.

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What I’ve come to learn is that being an empath is like having a super power: the ability to see the truth in situations and read feelings and energy. It’s a beautiful gift that should be cherished and practiced with compassion. In fact, being an empath can feel like a gift and a curse all at once, depending on how aware you are of your abilities. It can feel like your nervous system and emotional perception is dialed up to 100% at all times, which can give you an amazing read of your environment—but also becomes burdensome if there are no boundaries in place.

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See also Lighten Up! How to Cultivate Joy, Fearlessness, and Compassion in Your Life

If you’re a yoga teacher, like I am, your job can be particularly draining. (Think about how many yogis, and all of the “stuff” they bring with them into the yoga studio in an effort to work through, you come in contact with on a daily basis!) Even if you’re not a teacher but you are an empath, there are likely countless ways in which your interactions with others impact you deeply on a daily basis.

Here’s the good news: You do have control over how you receive and respond to outside influences. Here are the 11 rules I believe every empath needs to follow in order to stay centered and in charge of their own personal energy:

Empath Rule No. 1: Set Clear Boundaries

This is simultaneously the most important and hardest rule for all empaths. It is crucial that you set boundaries when and where they are needed. Boundaries can be in regard to your physical space, your body, your possessions, or your time. Be firm with these limits and don’t let your caring nature leave you with your guard down. Boundaries are there to protect your energy, your health, and your emotional safety, not to punish other people. It is not selfish to have boundaries, it’s a matter of letting others know who you are and where you stand. You’re more honest with people when you tell them your preferences and give a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when it comes to what you want.

See also The Ultimate Guide to Energy Healing

Empaths who practice meditation have an outlet to clear their mind and reset. 

Empath Rule No. 2: Meditate, Meditate, Meditate!

Daily meditation (even just for 5 minutes!) is the best way to reset and steady your mind, which is so important when it comes to getting a clear read on your own personal mood and energy that day. Whether you set an alarm for a few minutes of silently observing your breath or follow a guided meditation on an app, taking any time at all to sit, pause, and bring mindfulness to your day will have a seriously strengthening effect on your energy. After all, if you have a steady, clear mind that’s grounded in the present you’re less likely to be effected by the energy around you. 

See also Find Your Meditation Style With These 7 Practices

Empath Rule No. 3: Ground Your Energy

Just like a tree with deep roots, when we ground our energy we become solidly connected to our own frequency and less influenced by others around us. An easy way to ground your energy is to simply stand in Tadasana (Mountain Pose) or sit in a chair and bring your awareness into your body, specifically on the points of contact with the floor. Then, create the intention of sending energy down into your feet, and growing energetic “roots” into the earth every time you exhale deeply. 

See also 16 Yoga Poses to Keep You Grounded & Present

Building a protective shield protects you from other’s negative energy.

Empath Rule No. 4: Create a Protective Shield

As an empath, we become susceptible to energies around us, so it’s important to build an energetic shield around yourself so you don’t take on others’ pain or negativity. To do this, simply close your eyes and envision a protective cloak or shield around your body. Ask your guides (or angels, or the universe, whatever you believe) to assist you with reflecting any negativity that may have come your way back to its original source, with love. Another way to create an energetic shield around your body is through wearing or holding protective crystals. Most black crystals or darker stones tend to have a highly protective energy.

See also 5 Practices Energy Healers Use to Clear Themselves

Empath Rule No. 5: I.D. What Fuels You—and What Drains You

Start to notice the way you feel—energetically and emotionally—after your interactions with people. Did you feel uplifted and positive after getting coffee with that friend, or drained and depleted? This is a good test for the company you keep. As an energetically-sensitive person, it is so important to be extremely selective with your time and your company. Outside of relationships, notice the situations or places that leave you feeling uplifted or drained, and set your schedule accordingly.

See also 5 Ways You’re Draining Your Energy Level (Plus, Quick Fixes)

Notice what you consume and how it changes your mood and energy levels. 

Empath Rule No. 6: Watch Your Consumption

Along with noticing how you feel after leaving a person, event, or place, notice what you are consciously choosing to consume—and I don’t just mean food. In the same way that our diet and nutrition effects our physiology, the things we bring into our minds and spaces have the same effect. As an empath, this is twofold: Do you feel better or worse after watching that genre of movie, listening to that artist, reading that blog, or browsing that Instagram account? I always ask the question, “Do I feel better or worse?” as my litmus test for what I’ll be consuming in the future. In the beginning of this process, it’s a learning experience. As you refine your palate, you become very clear on your preferences, which in turn helps truly fortify your boundaries (see Rule No. 1). 

See also Eat Like a Yogi: A Yoga Diet Based in Ayurvedic Principles

Empath Rule No. 7: Ask Yourself, Is This Mine?

As an empath, we have the ability to absorb the energy of others. A great way to start sorting out and identifying which are your emotions and which are not is to get very familiar with what your typical daily energy signature is (a.k.a., your baseline). You will have fluctuations from this baseline throughout each day, of course, which is why it’s a good idea to meditate in the morning, using that as a time to become very aware of how you’re feeling that day. Then, when you’re out in a social situation or at an event and out of nowhere start feeling a very different emotion, you’ll know that it is most likely not your own. This takes practice, because we are reflexive beings, constantly interfacing with an ever-changing reality. But through steady meditation and an inquisitive and aware mind, you’ll be able to start discerning what emotions are yours and which ones are not.

See also Yoga for Energy

Take responsibility for your own emotions before you care for others.

Empath Rule No. 8: Know When to Take Responsibility

As empaths, we have very big hearts and tend to naturally take on or share the suffering or pain of others, which doesn’t actually help anyone. It is important to take responsibility for the emotions and energy that you are emitting, but know that you are not responsible for emotions that are not yours. Even if we can feel the negative emotions of others, it doesn’t mean we have to try to mend or heal them. There is a lesson in each person’s personal pain or journey. If we jump in and intervene just because we can sense it, we could be depriving someone else of valuable learning. 

See also Reduce Suffering: How Yoga Heals

Empath Rule No. 9: Cleanse Yourself of Others’ Energy

So, what do you do after you’ve realized that you’ve taken on emotional energy that isn’t yours? Cleanse! There are many ways to cleanse your energy, but smudging with sage or burning incense is a great place to start. Water also has a powerful healing energy, which means drinking lots of water and taking salt baths are also personal favorites. For yoga teachers specifically, after teaching and adjusting other students, wash your hands after each class with the intention of letting any excess energy you’ve picked up from others wash down the drain. Finally, a good night’s sleep can do more for cleansing your energy than all of the above!

See also Cleanse from the Inside Out

Restore and recharge by spending quality time with yourself. 

Empath Rule No. 10: Spend Time Alone to Recharge

Regardless if you identify as an introvert or extrovert, it is imperative to take some time alone to rest, recharge, and restore if you’re an empath. This can mean spending an evening alone at home just relaxing, taking a walk in nature, or heading out for a weekend trip on your own. Whatever it is, the whole point is to do it on your own, with as little social interaction as possible. This can be vital after big events or long work weeks where you don’t get much downtime. Whatever length of time it takes you to recharge, trust that it’s exactly what your energy needs at the moment. Think of this rule as a form of radical self-care.

See also A Guide to Navigating True Transformation

Empath Rule No. 11: Heal Yourself First

The best healers are those who have gone into the fire, done the hard work, and come out the other side even stronger. It’s through this process that you become a vessel to help heal others; you become a clear channel for their healing, because you have removed your own pain and trauma. It can be tempting to get involved with “helping” others, but most of the time, we do this subconsciously to avoid looking at our own inner pain and to vicariously heal through their healing. The most important thing an empath can do is to work with and heal themselves first. It can be a long, messy process, so have patience with yourself and gratitude for the bravery it takes to start and continue on your healing journey. 

See also 3 Extraordinary Stories of Healing Through Yoga

About the Author

Kat Fowler is a leading international teacher, speaker and writer based in New York City. Kat specializes in yoga, meditation, spirituality, and holistic healing. She has been featured on the cover of Yoga Journal, Om Yoga magazine, Natural Awakenings Magazine and featured in interviews on ABC News and the New York Times. For more information, visit: katfowler.com

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[remedialmassage]

11 Essential Rules Every Empath Needs to Know

Whether you’re a yoga teacher who easily picks up on energy in the room, or an empathetic person whose friends come to you with their troubles, follow this advice to stay grounded, feel happier, and protect yourself from the emotional swirl happening around you.

Are you easily effected by the energy around you? These 11 Essential Rules from Kat Fowler will help you stay grounded. 

When you walk into a room, can you feel what the energy is like? Have you ever left a meeting feeling extremely tired—or energized? Do you ever feel like you just know how another person is feeling without exchanging any words? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are an empath.

Empaths are highly sensitive, intuitive people. We can read people and situations clearly and easily, and have fine-tuned senses. Due to this sensitivity, we have huge hearts—but can tend to give too much until we run dry. We can, in some ways, also absorb other people’s emotional energy when we’re not aware of it at all.

What I’ve come to learn is that being an empath is like having a super power: the ability to see the truth in situations and read feelings and energy. It’s a beautiful gift that should be cherished and practiced with compassion. In fact, being an empath can feel like a gift and a curse all at once, depending on how aware you are of your abilities. It can feel like your nervous system and emotional perception is dialed up to 100% at all times, which can give you an amazing read of your environment—but also becomes burdensome if there are no boundaries in place.

See also Lighten Up! How to Cultivate Joy, Fearlessness, and Compassion in Your Life

If you’re a yoga teacher, like I am, your job can be particularly draining. (Think about how many yogis, and all of the “stuff” they bring with them into the yoga studio in an effort to work through, you come in contact with on a daily basis!) Even if you’re not a teacher but you are an empath, there are likely countless ways in which your interactions with others impact you deeply on a daily basis.

Here’s the good news: You do have control over how you receive and respond to outside influences. Here are the 11 rules I believe every empath needs to follow in order to stay centered and in charge of their own personal energy:

Empath Rule No. 1: Set Clear Boundaries

This is simultaneously the most important and hardest rule for all empaths. It is crucial that you set boundaries when and where they are needed. Boundaries can be in regard to your physical space, your body, your possessions, or your time. Be firm with these limits and don’t let your caring nature leave you with your guard down. Boundaries are there to protect your energy, your health, and your emotional safety, not to punish other people. It is not selfish to have boundaries, it’s a matter of letting others know who you are and where you stand. You’re more honest with people when you tell them your preferences and give a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when it comes to what you want.

See also The Ultimate Guide to Energy Healing

Empaths who practice meditation have an outlet to clear their mind and reset. 

Empath Rule No. 2: Meditate, Meditate, Meditate!

Daily meditation (even just for 5 minutes!) is the best way to reset and steady your mind, which is so important when it comes to getting a clear read on your own personal mood and energy that day. Whether you set an alarm for a few minutes of silently observing your breath or follow a guided meditation on an app, taking any time at all to sit, pause, and bring mindfulness to your day will have a seriously strengthening effect on your energy. After all, if you have a steady, clear mind that’s grounded in the present you’re less likely to be effected by the energy around you. 

See also Find Your Meditation Style With These 7 Practices

Empath Rule No. 3: Ground Your Energy

Just like a tree with deep roots, when we ground our energy we become solidly connected to our own frequency and less influenced by others around us. An easy way to ground your energy is to simply stand in Tadasana (Mountain Pose) or sit in a chair and bring your awareness into your body, specifically on the points of contact with the floor. Then, create the intention of sending energy down into your feet, and growing energetic “roots” into the earth every time you exhale deeply. 

See also 16 Yoga Poses to Keep You Grounded & Present

Building a protective shield protects you from other's negative energy.

Empath Rule No. 4: Create a Protective Shield

As an empath, we become susceptible to energies around us, so it’s important to build an energetic shield around yourself so you don’t take on others’ pain or negativity. To do this, simply close your eyes and envision a protective cloak or shield around your body. Ask your guides (or angels, or the universe, whatever you believe) to assist you with reflecting any negativity that may have come your way back to its original source, with love. Another way to create an energetic shield around your body is through wearing or holding protective crystals. Most black crystals or darker stones tend to have a highly protective energy.

See also 5 Practices Energy Healers Use to Clear Themselves

Empath Rule No. 5: I.D. What Fuels You—and What Drains You

Start to notice the way you feel—energetically and emotionally—after your interactions with people. Did you feel uplifted and positive after getting coffee with that friend, or drained and depleted? This is a good test for the company you keep. As an energetically-sensitive person, it is so important to be extremely selective with your time and your company. Outside of relationships, notice the situations or places that leave you feeling uplifted or drained, and set your schedule accordingly.

See also 5 Ways You're Draining Your Energy Level (Plus, Quick Fixes)

Notice what you consume and how it changes your mood and energy levels. 

Empath Rule No. 6: Watch Your Consumption

Along with noticing how you feel after leaving a person, event, or place, notice what you are consciously choosing to consume—and I don’t just mean food. In the same way that our diet and nutrition effects our physiology, the things we bring into our minds and spaces have the same effect. As an empath, this is twofold: Do you feel better or worse after watching that genre of movie, listening to that artist, reading that blog, or browsing that Instagram account? I always ask the question, “Do I feel better or worse?” as my litmus test for what I’ll be consuming in the future. In the beginning of this process, it’s a learning experience. As you refine your palate, you become very clear on your preferences, which in turn helps truly fortify your boundaries (see Rule No. 1). 

See also Eat Like a Yogi: A Yoga Diet Based in Ayurvedic Principles

Empath Rule No. 7: Ask Yourself, Is This Mine?

As an empath, we have the ability to absorb the energy of others. A great way to start sorting out and identifying which are your emotions and which are not is to get very familiar with what your typical daily energy signature is (a.k.a., your baseline). You will have fluctuations from this baseline throughout each day, of course, which is why it’s a good idea to meditate in the morning, using that as a time to become very aware of how you’re feeling that day. Then, when you’re out in a social situation or at an event and out of nowhere start feeling a very different emotion, you’ll know that it is most likely not your own. This takes practice, because we are reflexive beings, constantly interfacing with an ever-changing reality. But through steady meditation and an inquisitive and aware mind, you’ll be able to start discerning what emotions are yours and which ones are not.

See also Yoga for Energy

Take responsibility for your own emotions before you care for others.

Empath Rule No. 8: Know When to Take Responsibility

As empaths, we have very big hearts and tend to naturally take on or share the suffering or pain of others, which doesn’t actually help anyone. It is important to take responsibility for the emotions and energy that you are emitting, but know that you are not responsible for emotions that are not yours. Even if we can feel the negative emotions of others, it doesn’t mean we have to try to mend or heal them. There is a lesson in each person’s personal pain or journey. If we jump in and intervene just because we can sense it, we could be depriving someone else of valuable learning. 

See also Reduce Suffering: How Yoga Heals

Empath Rule No. 9: Cleanse Yourself of Others’ Energy

So, what do you do after you’ve realized that you’ve taken on emotional energy that isn’t yours? Cleanse! There are many ways to cleanse your energy, but smudging with sage or burning incense is a great place to start. Water also has a powerful healing energy, which means drinking lots of water and taking salt baths are also personal favorites. For yoga teachers specifically, after teaching and adjusting other students, wash your hands after each class with the intention of letting any excess energy you’ve picked up from others wash down the drain. Finally, a good night’s sleep can do more for cleansing your energy than all of the above!

See also Cleanse from the Inside Out

Restore and recharge by spending quality time with yourself. 

Empath Rule No. 10: Spend Time Alone to Recharge

Regardless if you identify as an introvert or extrovert, it is imperative to take some time alone to rest, recharge, and restore if you’re an empath. This can mean spending an evening alone at home just relaxing, taking a walk in nature, or heading out for a weekend trip on your own. Whatever it is, the whole point is to do it on your own, with as little social interaction as possible. This can be vital after big events or long work weeks where you don’t get much downtime. Whatever length of time it takes you to recharge, trust that it’s exactly what your energy needs at the moment. Think of this rule as a form of radical self-care.

See also A Guide to Navigating True Transformation

Empath Rule No. 11: Heal Yourself First

The best healers are those who have gone into the fire, done the hard work, and come out the other side even stronger. It’s through this process that you become a vessel to help heal others; you become a clear channel for their healing, because you have removed your own pain and trauma. It can be tempting to get involved with “helping” others, but most of the time, we do this subconsciously to avoid looking at our own inner pain and to vicariously heal through their healing. The most important thing an empath can do is to work with and heal themselves first. It can be a long, messy process, so have patience with yourself and gratitude for the bravery it takes to start and continue on your healing journey. 

See also 3 Extraordinary Stories of Healing Through Yoga

About the Author

Kat Fowler is a leading international teacher, speaker and writer based in New York City. Kat specializes in yoga, meditation, spirituality, and holistic healing. She has been featured on the cover of Yoga Journal, Om Yoga magazine, Natural Awakenings Magazine and featured in interviews on ABC News and the New York Times. For more information, visit: katfowler.com

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2FxRR3I

[amyddaniels]

11 Essential Rules Every Empath Needs to Know

Whether you’re a yoga teacher who easily picks up on energy in the room, or an empathetic person whose friends come to you with their troubles, follow this advice to stay grounded, feel happier, and protect yourself from the emotional swirl happening around you.

Are you easily effected by the energy around you? These 11 Essential Rules from Kat Fowler will help you stay grounded. 

When you walk into a room, can you feel what the energy is like? Have you ever left a meeting feeling extremely tired—or energized? Do you ever feel like you just know how another person is feeling without exchanging any words? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are you are an empath.

Empaths are highly sensitive, intuitive people. We can read people and situations clearly and easily, and have fine-tuned senses. Due to this sensitivity, we have huge hearts—but can tend to give too much until we run dry. We can, in some ways, also absorb other people’s emotional energy when we’re not aware of it at all.

What I’ve come to learn is that being an empath is like having a super power: the ability to see the truth in situations and read feelings and energy. It’s a beautiful gift that should be cherished and practiced with compassion. In fact, being an empath can feel like a gift and a curse all at once, depending on how aware you are of your abilities. It can feel like your nervous system and emotional perception is dialed up to 100% at all times, which can give you an amazing read of your environment—but also becomes burdensome if there are no boundaries in place.

See also Lighten Up! How to Cultivate Joy, Fearlessness, and Compassion in Your Life

If you’re a yoga teacher, like I am, your job can be particularly draining. (Think about how many yogis, and all of the “stuff” they bring with them into the yoga studio in an effort to work through, you come in contact with on a daily basis!) Even if you’re not a teacher but you are an empath, there are likely countless ways in which your interactions with others impact you deeply on a daily basis.

Here’s the good news: You do have control over how you receive and respond to outside influences. Here are the 11 rules I believe every empath needs to follow in order to stay centered and in charge of their own personal energy:

Empath Rule No. 1: Set Clear Boundaries

This is simultaneously the most important and hardest rule for all empaths. It is crucial that you set boundaries when and where they are needed. Boundaries can be in regard to your physical space, your body, your possessions, or your time. Be firm with these limits and don’t let your caring nature leave you with your guard down. Boundaries are there to protect your energy, your health, and your emotional safety, not to punish other people. It is not selfish to have boundaries, it’s a matter of letting others know who you are and where you stand. You’re more honest with people when you tell them your preferences and give a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when it comes to what you want.

See also The Ultimate Guide to Energy Healing

Empaths who practice meditation have an outlet to clear their mind and reset. 

Empath Rule No. 2: Meditate, Meditate, Meditate!

Daily meditation (even just for 5 minutes!) is the best way to reset and steady your mind, which is so important when it comes to getting a clear read on your own personal mood and energy that day. Whether you set an alarm for a few minutes of silently observing your breath or follow a guided meditation on an app, taking any time at all to sit, pause, and bring mindfulness to your day will have a seriously strengthening effect on your energy. After all, if you have a steady, clear mind that’s grounded in the present you’re less likely to be effected by the energy around you. 

See also Find Your Meditation Style With These 7 Practices

Empath Rule No. 3: Ground Your Energy

Just like a tree with deep roots, when we ground our energy we become solidly connected to our own frequency and less influenced by others around us. An easy way to ground your energy is to simply stand in Tadasana (Mountain Pose) or sit in a chair and bring your awareness into your body, specifically on the points of contact with the floor. Then, create the intention of sending energy down into your feet, and growing energetic “roots” into the earth every time you exhale deeply. 

See also 16 Yoga Poses to Keep You Grounded & Present

Building a protective shield protects you from other's negative energy.

Empath Rule No. 4: Create a Protective Shield

As an empath, we become susceptible to energies around us, so it’s important to build an energetic shield around yourself so you don’t take on others’ pain or negativity. To do this, simply close your eyes and envision a protective cloak or shield around your body. Ask your guides (or angels, or the universe, whatever you believe) to assist you with reflecting any negativity that may have come your way back to its original source, with love. Another way to create an energetic shield around your body is through wearing or holding protective crystals. Most black crystals or darker stones tend to have a highly protective energy.

See also 5 Practices Energy Healers Use to Clear Themselves

Empath Rule No. 5: I.D. What Fuels You—and What Drains You

Start to notice the way you feel—energetically and emotionally—after your interactions with people. Did you feel uplifted and positive after getting coffee with that friend, or drained and depleted? This is a good test for the company you keep. As an energetically-sensitive person, it is so important to be extremely selective with your time and your company. Outside of relationships, notice the situations or places that leave you feeling uplifted or drained, and set your schedule accordingly.

See also 5 Ways You're Draining Your Energy Level (Plus, Quick Fixes)

Notice what you consume and how it changes your mood and energy levels. 

Empath Rule No. 6: Watch Your Consumption

Along with noticing how you feel after leaving a person, event, or place, notice what you are consciously choosing to consume—and I don’t just mean food. In the same way that our diet and nutrition effects our physiology, the things we bring into our minds and spaces have the same effect. As an empath, this is twofold: Do you feel better or worse after watching that genre of movie, listening to that artist, reading that blog, or browsing that Instagram account? I always ask the question, “Do I feel better or worse?” as my litmus test for what I’ll be consuming in the future. In the beginning of this process, it’s a learning experience. As you refine your palate, you become very clear on your preferences, which in turn helps truly fortify your boundaries (see Rule No. 1). 

See also Eat Like a Yogi: A Yoga Diet Based in Ayurvedic Principles

Empath Rule No. 7: Ask Yourself, Is This Mine?

As an empath, we have the ability to absorb the energy of others. A great way to start sorting out and identifying which are your emotions and which are not is to get very familiar with what your typical daily energy signature is (a.k.a., your baseline). You will have fluctuations from this baseline throughout each day, of course, which is why it’s a good idea to meditate in the morning, using that as a time to become very aware of how you’re feeling that day. Then, when you’re out in a social situation or at an event and out of nowhere start feeling a very different emotion, you’ll know that it is most likely not your own. This takes practice, because we are reflexive beings, constantly interfacing with an ever-changing reality. But through steady meditation and an inquisitive and aware mind, you’ll be able to start discerning what emotions are yours and which ones are not.

See also Yoga for Energy

Take responsibility for your own emotions before you care for others.

Empath Rule No. 8: Know When to Take Responsibility

As empaths, we have very big hearts and tend to naturally take on or share the suffering or pain of others, which doesn’t actually help anyone. It is important to take responsibility for the emotions and energy that you are emitting, but know that you are not responsible for emotions that are not yours. Even if we can feel the negative emotions of others, it doesn’t mean we have to try to mend or heal them. There is a lesson in each person’s personal pain or journey. If we jump in and intervene just because we can sense it, we could be depriving someone else of valuable learning. 

See also Reduce Suffering: How Yoga Heals

Empath Rule No. 9: Cleanse Yourself of Others’ Energy

So, what do you do after you’ve realized that you’ve taken on emotional energy that isn’t yours? Cleanse! There are many ways to cleanse your energy, but smudging with sage or burning incense is a great place to start. Water also has a powerful healing energy, which means drinking lots of water and taking salt baths are also personal favorites. For yoga teachers specifically, after teaching and adjusting other students, wash your hands after each class with the intention of letting any excess energy you’ve picked up from others wash down the drain. Finally, a good night’s sleep can do more for cleansing your energy than all of the above!

See also Cleanse from the Inside Out

Restore and recharge by spending quality time with yourself. 

Empath Rule No. 10: Spend Time Alone to Recharge

Regardless if you identify as an introvert or extrovert, it is imperative to take some time alone to rest, recharge, and restore if you’re an empath. This can mean spending an evening alone at home just relaxing, taking a walk in nature, or heading out for a weekend trip on your own. Whatever it is, the whole point is to do it on your own, with as little social interaction as possible. This can be vital after big events or long work weeks where you don’t get much downtime. Whatever length of time it takes you to recharge, trust that it’s exactly what your energy needs at the moment. Think of this rule as a form of radical self-care.

See also A Guide to Navigating True Transformation

Empath Rule No. 11: Heal Yourself First

The best healers are those who have gone into the fire, done the hard work, and come out the other side even stronger. It’s through this process that you become a vessel to help heal others; you become a clear channel for their healing, because you have removed your own pain and trauma. It can be tempting to get involved with “helping” others, but most of the time, we do this subconsciously to avoid looking at our own inner pain and to vicariously heal through their healing. The most important thing an empath can do is to work with and heal themselves first. It can be a long, messy process, so have patience with yourself and gratitude for the bravery it takes to start and continue on your healing journey. 

See also 3 Extraordinary Stories of Healing Through Yoga

About the Author

Kat Fowler is a leading international teacher, speaker and writer based in New York City. Kat specializes in yoga, meditation, spirituality, and holistic healing. She has been featured on the cover of Yoga Journal, Om Yoga magazine, Natural Awakenings Magazine and featured in interviews on ABC News and the New York Times. For more information, visit: katfowler.com

[coin-river-blog]

News

The Satoshi Revolution: A Revolution of Rising Expectations Section 4: State Versus Society Chapter 9, Part 4 Does Your Money Serve the State or You?

The State, in short, subjects people, whereas Society associates them voluntarily.

– Felix Morley

Two simple litmus tests determine whether money serves the state (organized force) or whether it serves society (voluntary exchanges).

Who issues it? State money is issued either by the state or by an authority controlled by it, who claims a monopoly.

Can people choose to use it or not? State money is established by requiring people to accept it as legal tender.

Cryptocurrency is privately issued, and no one is forced to use or to accept it. Crypto is a pure money of society—a public money, not one that serves rulers and elites. Indeed, many people use it to escape the corrupt central banking system and its domination of the global economy through fiat money. Control of the economy is the basis of social control.

The state lives or dies through its ability to regulate the flow of wealth within society. This makes cryptocurrency, even in its infancy, a threat to established power that the state addresses by dominating crypto through regulation, through its own monopoly issuance, or through banning it. Each step requires law. And, except for dictatorships, law requires public justification. Even with dictatorships, public justification is usually offered in order to avoid public resistance. The state needs law to destroy crypto, which means it needs justification. If there is not a real need, then a false one must be created.

The appeal to law reveals another and more fundamental difference between state money and that of society. Namely, what is the purpose of law regarding each one?

What is the Purpose of State Law Regarding Crypto?

The alleged illegality of crypto and of those who use it is, again, divided by the state into two clear categories.

First and foremost to the state are violations of its own self-declared jurisdiction. Given that the state produces no wealth, its claimed jurisdiction amounts to the rules by which wealth is confiscated and redistributed. Crypto violates these rules. Some uses do so directly. For example, it is sometimes used for tax evasion, money laundering, black-market activities, and other functions that compromise the state.

Of course, people who use fiat also commit such ‘crimes.’ In those cases, however, there is a remarkable difference in how the law approaches the offenses. Namely, objectionable individuals are demonized, often in a high-profile manner that intimidates those in the shadows. But the money itself is accused of no crime, and bears no liability. With cryptocurrency, both individuals and the money are demonized. The money is the true target, with individuals being the means by which to attack its legitimacy. Prosecutions springboard quickly into calls for monetary control.

Crypto also violates rules of the state in a more profound manner. It renders trusted third parties irrelevant, and there is no more massive third party than the state. The state created the central banking system as an omnipresent regulator of money and as a choke point for information. It wove an iron web of laws to monitor money and require its ounce of flesh from every transaction. If no one needs central banks, if they can easily avoid the strangling laws, then the power of the state dramatically diminishes. Some crypto zealots argue that the power is or will be destroyed. In either case, crypto constitutes a threat as muscular as any other revolution. Perhaps more so. No wonder, the loudest cry of “there ought to be a law” revolves around the preservation of state privileges.

The second round of the state’s cry for law is the claim that crypto violates the person and property of individuals. The line of attack is secondary, by far, and often sounds like an afterthought. But it is also the most dangerous claim to the continued freedom of crypto users because the accusation is valid, and it resonates with decent people. Most people hate taxes, and many would avoid them if it were safe to do so. But the same people hate fraud, theft, and violence.

Fraud, Theft, and Violence

Some uses of cryptocurrency are fraudulent. A March 2018 article in bitcoin.com opened,

“In the time it takes you to read this sentence, $850 will have been lost to cryptocurrency scams. In the time it takes to complete this article, that figure will have risen to $17,000. Phishing; fraud; theft; hacking; it’s all rife. In the first two months of 2018, there were 22 separate scams involving thefts of $400,000 or more. Put it all together and that equates to an average of $9.1 million a day. Oh, and that doesn’t include 2018’s outliers – Coincheck, Bitconnect, and Bitgrail. Otherwise, the total would actually stand at $23 million a day.”

There are thieves who prey upon the crypto community. An April 2018 article in bitcoin.com explained,

“Hardware wallets are regarded as one of the safest means of storing bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. Each device grants the holder possession of their private keys and adds a PIN code plus other tamer-proof [sic] tech for enhanced security. Hardware wallets are not impregnable, however, as one British man found to his peril after purchasing the device on Ebay. Redditor moodyrocket is coming to terms with having his “life savings” wiped out this week, after $34,000 of crypto was stolen from his newly acquired Nano Ledger hardware wallet. The device was compromised, not due to any flaws in its design, but thanks to a man in the middle attack that saw the reseller insert their own recovery seed.”

Crypto allegedly cloaks acts of violence. This is the shakiest claim, because it is based on reports from state officials, or experts who are often in their pay. The “10 of the Biggest Lies Told About Bitcoin” (December 2017) addressed the claim that crypto is the finance of choice for terrorists.

“If you want to blame a currency, try the U.S. dollar which has been used to fund more wars, proxy wars, bombings, hijackings, and insurgencies than any other. Europol found no evidence that terrorists were using cryptocurrencies to fund their activities. That’s not to say it hasn’t happened and won’t happen. It’s telling however that the only people linking bitcoin with terrorism are governments seeking to crackdown on digital currencies.”

For the sake of argument, assume every accusation leveled at cryptocurrency is true. But it is also true of fiat. Fraud, theft, and violence has been associated with every means of exchange that has ever existed. Again, only crypto is discredited. Not barter. Not gold. Not fiat, against which no one shakes their fist due to fraud. It is telling that cryptocurrency is blamed for the actions of individuals, in much the same manner that guns are blamed for crimes.

Law will be imposed upon crypto. The state needs to reassert control. The free market needs to do what it does best: provide a solution to a need. State versus society. It will play out before our eyes.  I have a good idea of what it will look like, on both sides.

[To be continued next week.]

Reprints of this article should credit bitcoin.com and include a link back to the original links to all previous chapters

Wendy McElroy has agreed to ”live-publish” her new book The Satoshi Revolution exclusively with Bitcoin.com. Every Saturday you’ll find another installment in a series of posts planned to conclude after about 18 months. Altogether they’ll make up her new book ”The Satoshi Revolution”. Read it here first.

[newssplashy]

SARASOTA, Fla. — On a recent Sunday, Phyllis Town, 66, and more than 40 congregants rotated in and out of the service at the Sarasota Center of Light.

With Town seated, the Rev. Jim Toole, 60, took a breath, closed his eyes and positioned his hands just above the top of her head.

For about 10 minutes, Toole moved his hands around Town’s upper torso and head mere inches from her face, careful not to touch her. As she sat silently, carefully breathing, he explained that he was channeling energy. When Toole was finished, he softly whispered in Town’s ear as a grin stretched across her face.

“I come here because it’s the only time I get touched,” a woman told Town during one session.

The sentiment of missing someone’s touch resonated with Town, whose husband “transitioned,” because “it never occurred to me that I was going through that as a widow.” Nearly six years ago, in the wake of his death, she devoted herself to the center entirely.

Toole and Town are part of a dense spiritual constellation concentrated among two neighboring cities, Sarasota and Bradenton in Florida, that also encompasses The Spirit University, a litany of roadside psychics and more than 100 mediums and spiritual guides. Unlike other American spiritual outcrops like Lily Dale, New York, and Cassadaga, Florida, Sarasota wasn’t founded as a spiritual community. And its wealth of spiritualists isn’t billed as an attraction.

As Americans search for means to cope with loss, and even though interest has grown immensely in the past century, the stigma of fortunetelling fraud, psychic scams and skepticism still haunts the practice.

“I thought I was a witch,” said Town, an associate minister at the Sarasota Center of Light. “Spirits would come to me — dead relatives and things like that.” It took the community in Sarasota to bring her out of her shell. And like any community, Town’s story demonstrates the value of a room full of people on any given day, the kinship, the warmth, the sense of being less alone in the world.

As a native, I’ve heard stories about Sarasota’s energy grids, vortexes, a Calusa force field that prevents hurricanes, and the 99-percent quartz-crystal sand at Siesta Key. All of it helps draw the metaphysical community. “You don’t move to Sarasota; you’re called,” a man told me. When I was growing up, the string of roadside psychics along Route 41 was as omnipresent as the car dealerships and pawnshops with their neon signs burning late into the night. It is where many psychics live and work today. In retrospect, it seemed absurd not to be more aware of the deep spiritual community here straddling the line between the physical and metaphysical worlds, but throughout my childhood, it was unclear what was simply Southern lore or if Sarasota truly held spiritual significance, what was real and what many deemed a “scam.”

Nationally, Americans increasingly consider themselves “spiritual but not religious,” according to a Pew Research Center survey, a metric that spiked to 27 percent from 19 percent in the past five years. While American spiritualism is often depicted as rooted in Native American, Caribbean, Latin American or African cultures, spiritualists today span a vast racial spectrum, and Southwest Florida represents a mere sliver of the broader spiritual diaspora.

Among the earliest evidence of a metaphysical adviser in Sarasota was on January 18, 1912, in the Sarasota Times, when advertisements for a tropical tree nursery and farm seed flanked the first mention of a “Clairvoyant Palmist” by the name of Princess Gladys. The ad appeared once a week for a month then vanished. That same year, John and Mable Ringling of the Ringling Circus bought their home along Sarasota Bay and in 1927 would move the circus’s headquarters to Sarasota. A slew of fortunetellers and palm readers followed.

In the 1930s, the word “psychic” was mentioned in Sarasota newspapers 116 times. By the 1970s, it appeared 1,555 times over that decade.

Catherine Rosenbaum followed her parents south when they retired from Philadelphia to Longboat Key in Sarasota. After a divorce in 2008, she turned to the stars, culling numerology, astrology and intuition to make a living as a reader or, as she would say, “a reflector.”

“The angels filled my books,” she said.

At 13, Rosenbaum would trace the constellations with her finger outside her home in Philadelphia. She took so strongly to the night sky that, at 14, her mother would take her for weekly lessons with an astrologer after school. Rosenbaum, 64, has been a full-time medium for 10 years, but noted, “I was born like that.”

She added: “I always felt what everybody else was feeling, but I never had a sense of myself.”

Now she does readings seven times a month at a shop called Elysian Fields in central Sarasota. While she often meets with private clients in person, much of her time is devoted to phone readings with people as far away as Taiwan.

As for the process, “It’s not something I can explain,” Rosenbaum said. She starts with someone’s name and birthdate and uses numerology, astrology and symbol-based systems; then she enters her clients’ auric field (a descriptor for the layers of energy that surround the body and correspond to chakras as stated), allowing their energy to envelop her. “Everything has information in it,” she explained, noting the presence of their fears, traumas and desires. “There’s no hiding.”

Rosenbaum believes that most people are looking for peace in their lives — the courage to take risks, pursue a dream or just fend for themselves. She and other mediums try to teach people to “stop living like other people.”

“I’m more evolved,” said Ondrej Zouhar, 37, a client. In 2017, he moved to Sarasota and began to see Rosenbaum regularly. He said he felt pressure to find fame and be perceived as wealthy, but with Rosenbaum as a guide, he felt as if he could finally trust himself, and the external pressure fell away.

Ultimately, it comes down to listening — a prosaic pursuit with profound outcomes: “It’s a beautiful thing to watch people become themselves.”

Victoria Ackerman, 57, the founder of The Spirit University, echoed Rosenbaum’s sentiment of becoming oneself. After abruptly coming off the drug Cymbalta, prescribed for the pain and depression associated with fibromyalgia, she found herself in an emergency room. “All of a sudden, everything stopped,” she remembers.

In what she calls her “near-death experience,” Ackerman made a promise to herself to recalibrate her life’s compass.

It began with a book, “Dream Healer” by Adam McLeod, a self-published memoir about a proposed connection between hard science and forms of healing that aren’t taken seriously by the Western medical community.

After devouring it and others, she began practicing Reiki. With clients, she said, visions would come to her as if she were sitting in front of a movie screen. At first, she shrugged them off, but as the visions returned, she began to poke around online about psychic development.

Piece by piece, she assembled a curriculum.

In 2011, Ackerman began holding classes in a vacant storefront in the Gulf Gate neighborhood — the soft opening of The Spirit University. Devoted to the teaching of mediumship, the school offers classes including tarot and telepathy. According to Ackerman, more than 10,000 students have enrolled in classes.

“I felt safe in that environment,” said Elodie Tarantino, 45, a practicing medium. She said the university provided a space where no one was ridiculed or felt abnormal.

Ackerman often encounters skeptics who suggest that mediums are nothing but roadside frauds. She said the program’s key is its focus on providing evidence, details and validation — specific information like names of those who have died or details from their past — in order to gain a client’s trust. The sweet spot is for a medium to offer six pieces of evidence for a reading of three to six minutes, and 30 pieces for an hourlong private reading. “That’s my litmus test to whether I’m myself connected andfor the client to know that you’re truly connected.”

Tarantino said of Ackerman’s ability: “She shows me she is connected.” She added that when it comes to communicating with those outside the physical world, “that connection needs to be proved.”

“I don’t go with the intent of proving life after death,” Ackerman explained. “I’m not here to do battle with anyone’s belief system.”

For her, sustained engagement with questions of love, death, mortality and identity imbue her life with meaning. “It teaches me to be much more understanding and empathetic to others, as well as myself.”

Ackerman notes that clients lean toward bigger questions like how to find peace or love. “How can I best improve my life?” is the main question. While many come for personal or professional validation, the vast majority come for closure.

Barbara Leighton, 68, did. After her husband died, she looked for ways to keep the thread between them intact. “It’s just a connection I miss having with him,” she said. By using mediums like Ackerman as a conduit, “I feel like I’m having a conversation with him,” she adds.

Ackerman said she believes that most people cannot see energy or spirits because modern culture is saturated with scientific pragmatism. But for those willing to consider what lies beyond the physical perception of the world, “it’s there,” she says.

Michael Adno © 2018 The New York Times

via NewsSplashy - Latest Nigerian News Online,World Newspaper

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How to Minimize Cart Abandonment in Your Checkout Process: Recently, I stumbled upon a scary statistic. A whopping 69.23% of ecommerce shopping carts are abandoned. To put this into perspective, for every 100 customers who start the checkout process, 69 don't finish. Is it a massive problem? Absolutely. These numbers shouldn't sit right with any business owner. That's too many lost sales and potential lifelong customers. But it's also a bit surprising. If someone starts the checkout process, it stands to reason they have a strong purchase intent. So, why do so many shoppers fail to complete their purchases? A few reasons. Some of these are out of your control, and others, you can nip in the bud: your site isn't designed well, affecting the user experience; the site has technical bugs; site visitors are just window shopping; your checkout process has too many pitfalls. These are just a few ideas. Can you guess which one is the most pervasive? That's right. Your checkout process is turning potential customers away. Take a look at this chart: Out of all the reasons why shoppers abandon their carts, a majority are related to the checkout phase. Does this apply to all businesses? Not necessarily. Don't get me wrong. All businesses—no matter how upscale—suffer from shopping cart abandonment. You can't do anything about a user who is just browsing. They may just want to save their favorite items in the cart for future reference. With that said, there are varying reasons why shoppers do not complete a purchase. In this article, you'll find out if your checkout process is the main culprit and what you can do about it. First, I'll give you the common checkout pitfalls that turn potential customers away. Then, we'll get into a data-driven litmus test so you can know for sure. This way, you won't make changes to your site based on a hunch. That's never good for business. Sound good? Let's start. Five common pitfalls in the checkout process If any of the following applies to your checkout process, it will certainly cause a percentage of shoppers to abandon their carts. The great news? It's within your control. Most times, a simple tweak is enough to make all the difference. 1. You haven't earned the trust of potential customers This is a big one. If people don't trust your site, there's no way they'll buy anything from you. Your product could change their lives. It doesn't matter. The bottom line is, customers have to put in their personal information to complete the transaction. If you don't do everything in your power to make them feel secure doing so, you've lost them for good. The solution Step #1: Place testimonials and other proof elements on your checkout page. Social proof is one of the most crucial elements to include on every page of your ecommerce site. It's especially powerful on the checkout page as it gives customers who may be hesitant an extra push. Here's a creative form of social proof from The Freedom Journal: Step #2: Add credit card icons and other trust badges to reassure customers their payment information is secure. The placement of these badges is also important. I recommend placing them right where customers have to put in their payment details and next to the “buy now” call to action. Like this: Step #3: Make sure you have contact information in clear sight. This way, customers know you're not going to take their money and make a run for it. Letting them know you can easily be reached is a small but impactful trust indicator. Here's an example from Amy Porterfield: 2. Additional costs blindside customers Here's the thing. When the average person shops, they have a price point they're willing to reach. As such, they choose items within these parameters. After that has been surpassed, it's a no-go. When you surprise customers with high shipping costs, the immediate reaction is to make a dive for the exit. And it's with good reason. I've seen instances where shipping, handling, and taxes amount to the price of the items in the cart. That's crazy. It's no wonder this is the number one reason people don't complete their purchases. The solution Step #1: Let shoppers know their shipping costs early in the checkout process. You can do this by introducing a shipping calculator to provide an estimate of the additional costs to be covered. Here's an example: Step #2: Offer free shipping. While this may not be feasible for everyone, it's wise to find ways you can reduce costs for customers. Many businesses offer free shipping once shoppers reach a certain price threshold. Like this example from Fashion Nova: As customers add new items to their carts, they're reminded of how much more they need to spend to meet the threshold. Very clever. Step #3: Have coupon codes on your site. It's important to have these discount offers on your site. Why does that matter? When customers go browsing elsewhere for coupons and don't find them, they rarely come back. You want to avoid that. This beauty brand has a deal where they provide a daily coupon: This way, customers can easily save on shipping costs. 3. The checkout process is too time-consuming When they're checking out, the only thing your customers value more than your product is their time. That means that anything in your checkout process that takes too long is a problem. Here are some examples: technical glitches slow site poor design lack of mobile friendliness complicated navigation long-winded checkout process Website speed is a big deal for users: 40% of shoppers will abandon your site if it takes longer than 3 seconds to load. You can imagine that any issue which zaps customers of their time will have the same effect. The solution Step #1: Test the speed and mobile-friendliness of your website. Make immediate adjustment if it's not up to par. You can use Google's mobile friendly test. Step #2: Have a simple checkout process with as few form fields as possible. Ideally, customers want to sprint through this process. The easier you make it, the more likely they will go through with their purchases. 4. There's not enough urgency to compel customers to act Urgency as a sales strategy is about inspiring customers to take earnest and swift action. It's super simple to implement, and it has a massive impact. Many businesses don't flip this proven psychological switch when it matters most. As we've seen before, a few of the reasons for shopping cart abandonment may be out of your control. However, you can still have a measure of influence. For instance, if you added a few urgency elements during checkout, it may entice window shoppers to make a purchase. Think about the last time you bought something you didn't intend to because the deal was too sweet to pass up. It happens to the most disciplined of us. The bottom line? Without urgency elements, you're missing out on a massive opportunity. The solution Step #1: Let customers know when an item is almost sold out. That increases the incentive to get it immediately. Here's an example: Step #2: Use the language of immediacy. Words like “instantly,” “today,” and “now” are all useful in that regard. I also recommend using active verbs and power words to encourage people to act right away. Step #3: Satisfy your customers' need for instant gratification. Here's what that means: You want to give customers a sense that they'll get what they want immediately. This is an innate human need. If you appeal to it, your customers will respond. If you're selling an information product, instant gratification is easy to provide. Your customers can have electronic access without delay. But it's trickier when you're selling a product that has to be shipped. My advice? Take a page out of Amazon's playbook. They do this brilliantly. Here's what I mean: If you know your items will be delivered to you in a couple of days, chances are you'll be more likely to check out ASAP. 5. There's not enough information on the checkout page Nothing kills action like uncertainty. If you don't provide enough information on the checkout page, customers are likely to be unsure of the process. They'll start second-guessing their decisions and won't complete their purchases. The solution Step #1: Include product details on the checkout page. It's a good practice to remind customers what they're paying for and how much. Here is an example from WebinarJam. When you select a plan, they let you know what you've chosen. They also give you the next steps in the checkout process. Step #2: Ensure there's continuity between what's on a product page and what's displayed on the checkout page. Has this ever happened to you? You read the product page thoroughly and place the item in your cart only to find different information on the checkout page. Even if it's something slight, I assure you, it deters many people from completing the transaction. Step #3: Include support options on the checkout page. Consider having a live chat, email support, phone support, and a link to a FAQ page. You don't need to have all of these, but one or two will go a long way in securing the trust of customers. It will also help move the purchase along if customers have a legitimate problem that needs to be taken care of before they go through with a transaction. I've highlighted the common reasons why your checkout page may cause shoppers to abandon their carts. The truth is, you need to consider your circumstances. Sure, the “best practices” are useful. But without concrete analytics, you'll be making changes blindly. A data-driven approach to dealing with shopping cart abandonment Want to find out the exact cause of your shopping cart abandonment? Google Analytics is the tool to use. It's simple. I'll give you a step-by-step play. Step #1: Find the “Admin” tab so you can create a conversion goal: This is so you can track the actions your web visitors take. Click on “Goals”: Step #2: Create a new goal and set it up to track a completed transaction. In the first step of the goal setup, select an appropriate template. While you're tracking cart abandonment, your ultimate goal is to get customers to make a completed online payment. Select that option: It's time to describe your goal. Name your goal, and select “Destination” as the goal type. The destination can be a thank-you page, which will help you track the number of completed purchases. Next, you want to set the URL of your Destination. As I mentioned, this could be any page that customers are directed to after their purchases. The only reason someone would be on this page is if they completed a transaction, right? Step #3: Map the path customers take leading up to complete a transaction. This is what will help you determine where the pitfalls in your sales funnel are. In the same “Goal details” section, switch the Funnel option to “ON.” List all the steps that customers take leading up to the purchase. Name each step, and add the corresponding URL. Like this: If you have a one-page checkout, only include that page, of course. Whatever steps customers take, include them all. You may want to go through the process yourself to make sure. Save your goal, and that's it for the setup. Tracking will begin, and you'll now have detailed data for each step of your funnel. Step #4: Check your reports to analyze the data. Here's where to find them. Under “Conversions,” click on “Goals.” Pay special attention to “Funnel Visualization.” You'll see an illustration that looks something like this: I just created this, so there's no data. It will take some time for yours to show up as well. This data will tell you where in your funnel customers are jumping ship. It will also tell you in how many sessions your goal was completed. Useful, right? You'll have a complete view of the way customers move through your funnel. You can now make informed adjustments to decrease your shopping cart abandonment rate. You should know this though: there'll always be customers who drop out before completing a purchase. That's just the nature of the game. You can optimize your process to reduce that percentage significantly. But will the lost sales be lost forever? Can they be salvaged? They can, and I'll tell you how. The ultimate solution to recovering abandoned carts I hate to bring up this depressing statistic again, but only 3 out of 10 shoppers complete their purchases. There is, however, a simple follow-up step that can increase that number significantly. Crazily enough, most businesses don't take advantage of it. I'm referring to cart abandonment emails. This could be one email or a whole sequence. You decide. The point of these emails is to recover lost sales. If a customer adds items to their cart and leaves without checking out, be sure to follow up via email. Here's a brilliant example from Vanity Planet: Many things are going right in this email. It: offers a massive discount includes a free shipping offer uses personal and persuasive language provides a simple solution for returning to cart has a direct link to checkout They made an irresistible offer. Many people would go back to complete their purchases in a heartbeat. When cart abandonment emails are done right, they're hands down the most powerful solution to recapture lost sales. I highly recommend you test this strategy and watch it make a difference. Conclusion Dealing with shopping cart abandonment can be daunting. It's also frustrating when more than half of your prospects aren't converting into sales—and you don't know why. There is any number of reasons why it might happen. And to be frank, some of them are inevitable. But others? You can do something about. For many businesses, the checkout process is the biggest culprit when it comes to lost sales. I've pinpointed some of the most common issues and their fixes in this article. Use them as a litmus test. But don't stop there. I can tell you that applying best practices only to your checkout pages won't transform your sales funnel. It's crucial you take a more data-backed strategy to deal with abandoned carts. Include Google Analytics in your arsenal, and set up conversion goals. This way, you'll have detailed analytics to make the sort of changes that will maximize your profits. What do you think is the best strategy to ensure customers complete their purchases? http://bit.ly/2y7f7xY

[filipeteimuraz]

How to Minimize Cart Abandonment in Your Checkout Process

Recently, I stumbled upon a scary statistic.

A whopping 69.23% of ecommerce shopping carts are abandoned.

To put this into perspective, for every 100 customers who start the checkout process, 69 don’t finish.

Is it a massive problem? Absolutely.

These numbers shouldn’t sit right with any business owner. That’s too many lost sales and potential lifelong customers.

But it’s also a bit surprising.

If someone starts the checkout process, it stands to reason they have a strong purchase intent.

So, why do so many shoppers fail to complete their purchases?

A few reasons.

Some of these are out of your control, and others, you can nip in the bud:

your site isn’t designed well, affecting the user experience;

the site has technical bugs;

site visitors are just window shopping;

your checkout process has too many pitfalls.

These are just a few ideas.

Can you guess which one is the most pervasive?

That’s right.

Your checkout process is turning potential customers away.

Take a look at this chart:

Out of all the reasons why shoppers abandon their carts, a majority are related to the checkout phase.

Does this apply to all businesses? Not necessarily.

Don’t get me wrong.

All businesses—no matter how upscale—suffer from shopping cart abandonment.

You can’t do anything about a user who is just browsing. They may just want to save their favorite items in the cart for future reference.

With that said, there are varying reasons why shoppers do not complete a purchase.

In this article, you’ll find out if your checkout process is the main culprit and what you can do about it.

First, I’ll give you the common checkout pitfalls that turn potential customers away.

Then, we’ll get into a data-driven litmus test so you can know for sure.

This way, you won’t make changes to your site based on a hunch. That’s never good for business.

Sound good? Let’s start.

Five common pitfalls in the checkout process

If any of the following applies to your checkout process, it will certainly cause a percentage of shoppers to abandon their carts.

The great news?

It’s within your control.

Most times, a simple tweak is enough to make all the difference.

1. You haven’t earned the trust of potential customers

This is a big one.

If people don’t trust your site, there’s no way they’ll buy anything from you.

Your product could change their lives. It doesn’t matter.

The bottom line is, customers have to put in their personal information to complete the transaction.

If you don’t do everything in your power to make them feel secure doing so, you’ve lost them for good.

The solution

Step #1: Place testimonials and other proof elements on your checkout page.

Social proof is one of the most crucial elements to include on every page of your ecommerce site.

It’s especially powerful on the checkout page as it gives customers who may be hesitant an extra push.

Here’s a creative form of social proof from The Freedom Journal:

Step #2: Add credit card icons and other trust badges to reassure customers their payment information is secure.

The placement of these badges is also important.

I recommend placing them right where customers have to put in their payment details and next to the “buy now” call to action.

Like this:

Step #3: Make sure you have contact information in clear sight. This way, customers know you’re not going to take their money and make a run for it.

Letting them know you can easily be reached is a small but impactful trust indicator.

Here’s an example from Amy Porterfield:

2. Additional costs blindside customers

Here’s the thing.

When the average person shops, they have a price point they’re willing to reach. As such, they choose items within these parameters.

After that has been surpassed, it’s a no-go.

When you surprise customers with high shipping costs, the immediate reaction is to make a dive for the exit.

And it’s with good reason.

I’ve seen instances where shipping, handling, and taxes amount to the price of the items in the cart.

That’s crazy.

It’s no wonder this is the number one reason people don’t complete their purchases.

The solution

Step #1: Let shoppers know their shipping costs early in the checkout process.

You can do this by introducing a shipping calculator to provide an estimate of the additional costs to be covered.

Here’s an example:

Step #2: Offer free shipping.

While this may not be feasible for everyone, it’s wise to find ways you can reduce costs for customers.

Many businesses offer free shipping once shoppers reach a certain price threshold.

Like this example from Fashion Nova:

As customers add new items to their carts, they’re reminded of how much more they need to spend to meet the threshold.

Very clever.

Step #3: Have coupon codes on your site.

It’s important to have these discount offers on your site.

Why does that matter?

When customers go browsing elsewhere for coupons and don’t find them, they rarely come back.

You want to avoid that.

This beauty brand has a deal where they provide a daily coupon:

This way, customers can easily save on shipping costs.

3. The checkout process is too time-consuming

When they’re checking out, the only thing your customers value more than your product is their time.

That means that anything in your checkout process that takes too long is a problem.

Here are some examples:

technical glitches

slow site

poor design

lack of mobile friendliness

complicated navigation

long-winded checkout process

Website speed is a big deal for users: 40% of shoppers will abandon your site if it takes longer than 3 seconds to load.

You can imagine that any issue which zaps customers of their time will have the same effect.

The solution

Step #1: Test the speed and mobile-friendliness of your website. Make immediate adjustment if it’s not up to par.

You can use Google’s mobile friendly test.

Step #2: Have a simple checkout process with as few form fields as possible.

Ideally, customers want to sprint through this process. The easier you make it, the more likely they will go through with their purchases.

4. There’s not enough urgency to compel customers to act

Urgency as a sales strategy is about inspiring customers to take earnest and swift action.

It’s super simple to implement, and it has a massive impact.

Many businesses don’t flip this proven psychological switch when it matters most.

As we’ve seen before, a few of the reasons for shopping cart abandonment may be out of your control.

However, you can still have a measure of influence.

For instance, if you added a few urgency elements during checkout, it may entice window shoppers to make a purchase.

Think about the last time you bought something you didn’t intend to because the deal was too sweet to pass up.

It happens to the most disciplined of us.

The bottom line?

Without urgency elements, you’re missing out on a massive opportunity.

The solution

Step #1: Let customers know when an item is almost sold out. That increases the incentive to get it immediately.

Here’s an example:

Step #2: Use the language of immediacy.

Words like “instantly,” “today,” and “now” are all useful in that regard. I also recommend using active verbs and power words to encourage people to act right away.

Step #3: Satisfy your customers’ need for instant gratification.

Here’s what that means:

You want to give customers a sense that they’ll get what they want immediately.

This is an innate human need.

If you appeal to it, your customers will respond.

If you’re selling an information product, instant gratification is easy to provide. Your customers can have electronic access without delay.

But it’s trickier when you’re selling a product that has to be shipped.

My advice?

Take a page out of Amazon’s playbook.

They do this brilliantly.

Here’s what I mean:

If you know your items will be delivered to you in a couple of days, chances are you’ll be more likely to check out ASAP.

5. There’s not enough information on the checkout page

Nothing kills action like uncertainty.

If you don’t provide enough information on the checkout page, customers are likely to be unsure of the process.

They’ll start second-guessing their decisions and won’t complete their purchases.

The solution

Step #1: Include product details on the checkout page.

It’s a good practice to remind customers what they’re paying for and how much.

Here is an example from WebinarJam.

When you select a plan, they let you know what you’ve chosen. They also give you the next steps in the checkout process.

Step #2: Ensure there’s continuity between what’s on a product page and what’s displayed on the checkout page.

Has this ever happened to you?

You read the product page thoroughly and place the item in your cart only to find different information on the checkout page.

Even if it’s something slight, I assure you, it deters many people from completing the transaction.

Step #3: Include support options on the checkout page.

Consider having a live chat, email support, phone support, and a link to a FAQ page.

You don’t need to have all of these, but one or two will go a long way in securing the trust of customers.

It will also help move the purchase along if customers have a legitimate problem that needs to be taken care of before they go through with a transaction.

I’ve highlighted the common reasons why your checkout page may cause shoppers to abandon their carts.

The truth is, you need to consider your circumstances.

Sure, the “best practices” are useful.

But without concrete analytics, you’ll be making changes blindly.

A data-driven approach to dealing with shopping cart abandonment

Want to find out the exact cause of your shopping cart abandonment?

Google Analytics is the tool to use.

It’s simple. I’ll give you a step-by-step play.

Step #1: Find the “Admin” tab so you can create a conversion goal:

This is so you can track the actions your web visitors take.

Click on “Goals”:

Step #2: Create a new goal and set it up to track a completed transaction.

In the first step of the goal setup, select an appropriate template.

While you’re tracking cart abandonment, your ultimate goal is to get customers to make a completed online payment.

Select that option:

It’s time to describe your goal.

Name your goal, and select “Destination” as the goal type.

The destination can be a thank-you page, which will help you track the number of completed purchases.

Next, you want to set the URL of your Destination.

As I mentioned, this could be any page that customers are directed to after their purchases.

The only reason someone would be on this page is if they completed a transaction, right?

Step #3: Map the path customers take leading up to complete a transaction.

This is what will help you determine where the pitfalls in your sales funnel are.

In the same “Goal details” section, switch the Funnel option to “ON.”

List all the steps that customers take leading up to the purchase. Name each step, and add the corresponding URL.

Like this:

If you have a one-page checkout, only include that page, of course.

Whatever steps customers take, include them all.

You may want to go through the process yourself to make sure.

Save your goal, and that’s it for the setup. Tracking will begin, and you’ll now have detailed data for each step of your funnel.

Step #4: Check your reports to analyze the data.

Here’s where to find them.

Under “Conversions,” click on “Goals.”

Pay special attention to “Funnel Visualization.”

You’ll see an illustration that looks something like this:

I just created this, so there’s no data. It will take some time for yours to show up as well.

This data will tell you where in your funnel customers are jumping ship. It will also tell you in how many sessions your goal was completed.

Useful, right?

You’ll have a complete view of the way customers move through your funnel. You can now make informed adjustments to decrease your shopping cart abandonment rate.

You should know this though: there’ll always be customers who drop out before completing a purchase.

That’s just the nature of the game.

You can optimize your process to reduce that percentage significantly.

But will the lost sales be lost forever?

Can they be salvaged?

They can, and I’ll tell you how.

The ultimate solution to recovering abandoned carts

I hate to bring up this depressing statistic again, but only 3 out of 10 shoppers complete their purchases.

There is, however, a simple follow-up step that can increase that number significantly.

Crazily enough, most businesses don’t take advantage of it.

I’m referring to cart abandonment emails.

This could be one email or a whole sequence. You decide.

The point of these emails is to recover lost sales. If a customer adds items to their cart and leaves without checking out, be sure to follow up via email.

Here’s a brilliant example from Vanity Planet:

Many things are going right in this email. It:

offers a massive discount

includes a free shipping offer

uses personal and persuasive language

provides a simple solution for returning to cart

has a direct link to checkout

They made an irresistible offer.

Many people would go back to complete their purchases in a heartbeat.

When cart abandonment emails are done right, they’re hands down the most powerful solution to recapture lost sales.

I highly recommend you test this strategy and watch it make a difference.

Conclusion

Dealing with shopping cart abandonment can be daunting.

It’s also frustrating when more than half of your prospects aren’t converting into sales—and you don’t know why.

There is any number of reasons why it might happen.

And to be frank, some of them are inevitable.

But others? You can do something about.

For many businesses, the checkout process is the biggest culprit when it comes to lost sales. I’ve pinpointed some of the most common issues and their fixes in this article.

Use them as a litmus test.

But don’t stop there.

I can tell you that applying best practices only to your checkout pages won’t transform your sales funnel.

It’s crucial you take a more data-backed strategy to deal with abandoned carts.

Include Google Analytics in your arsenal, and set up conversion goals.

This way, you’ll have detailed analytics to make the sort of changes that will maximize your profits.

What do you think is the best strategy to ensure customers complete their purchases?

https://www.quicksprout.com/2017/09/11/lower-cart-abandonment-checkout/ Read more here - http://review-and-bonuss.blogspot.com/2017/09/how-to-minimize-cart-abandonment-in.html