#it’s the lull before dragon age lol

[bharv]

Feeling. Lonely.

[medschoolash]

"Is Suppressing the Dragon Worth the Cost?" A HOTD Episode 6 Analysis Part. 1

So episode 6 of House of the Dragon might be my favorite episode so far. I know many people aren't huge fans of the time jumps, but I think they did an incredible job of transitioning us from episode 5 to 6.

Thanks to the great work by the creators, I have a lot of thoughts about this episode. There were a lot of things that stood out. Still, the ultimate triumph of this episode is Rhaenyra's character and how they intertwined Daemon and Rhaenyra's lives without having them be anywhere near each other or have any long discussions about each other.

This will mostly be about Rhaenyra, but I'll also talk about Daemon and their relationship.

This will be a two-parter because I have a lot to say. So again, proceed at your own risk lol

From the very first scene ,the episode wanted to immerse us in the same world we've experienced before but under dramatically different circumstances. The creators mentioned they approached this episode almost like a pilot episode because they had to reintroduce us to the new actors, and you could tell this was their goal.

In the last shot in episode 5 of young Rhaenyra, she was in tears at her rushed wedding to Laenor after her wedding festivities were ruined by not only murder and mayhem but also by Daemon. It was a striking final moment that the story had been building to the entire season so far.

We saw her struggle with the idea of marriage. We saw her struggle with the trauma of losing her mother in childbirth. We saw her struggle with her gender in a society that wanted to dismiss her despite her blood and claim. We also saw her struggle with the consequences of messy entanglements with Criston and Daemon. We saw her fire, her curiosity, her determination, her sexual awakening, the powerful moment where she tells Criston she is the crown, and where she challenges Daemon to take her as his wife. So with that Rhaenyra in mind the question going forward, at least for me was: who is Rhaenyra going to be 10 years later? We knew she would mature but mature in what way? What would her life look like in King's Landing as a married woman who is heir to the throne?

That is the question this episode wanted to answer for the viewers and the answer we got was actually pretty heartbreaking but incredibly compelling.

We open with Rhaenyra in childbirth; the thing we knew was the source of trauma for young Rhaenyra. Choosing this as the opening image of Rhaenyra is very effective because it's a stark reminder that life comes at your fast. We went from young Rhaenyra getting married to older Rhaenyra in the middle of childbirth. Rhaenyra spent a lot of time in the early episodes lamenting about childbirth and fearful of the possibility of dying in childbirth. Then boom, we finally get the chance to meet older Rhaenyra and what is she doing? Having a baby. The last childbirth we actually saw on screen was her mother's tragic labor which makes this an even more effective choice, especially since her mother told her she would be in the very position before she died and Rhaenyra in all of her young naivety, challenged that idea.

My favorite part of her birth scene is how they completely turned her earlier ideas upside down. Sure Rhaenyra is in pain and exhausted but when she actually delivers her child, she is overjoyed. Instead of pregnancy and childbirth being something she hates, it's now a source of immense joy for her. She rushes to cradle her son; she is beaming at her child like a doting mother; she's happy when she's informed that he's healthy. It makes you completely forget that at her young age, Rhaenyra wanted nothing to do with this.

It's a great moment and a great way to introduce a new version of a character, and on first watch, it's easy to get lulled into the idea that wow, Rhaenyra's life turned out nothing like she wanted it to but look how happy she is! Maybe her life is okay.

Except we're quickly shown that it's anything but okay and how Rhaenyra responds to all the ways her life is not okay quickly makes you realize that the woman we see how is drastically different in a lot of ways that break your heart but also in a lot of ways she's the same.

She barely has time to even hold the child she just delivered before Alicent requests the child be brought to her.

I've seen many Alicent fans try to absolve her of these cruel actions towards Rhaenyra here by claiming Alicent asked for the baby and not Rhaenyra but it's clear to Rhaenyra that Alicent is asking for her. What mother who just delivered her child 5 minutes ago is letting that infant out of her sight and into the arms of a woman she has strife with alone? She knows exactly what Alicent wants, and she is forced to give it to her, and she does so without much fight. When he aid tells her she should remain in bed she acknowledges that's exactly what should happen but it's not what she can do at the moment. This is the first real hint that Rhaenyra has changed. Gone is the youthful petulance, the stomping of her foot when she is required to do something she does not want to do, and the outright disobedience. It appears she's at the mercy of Alicent and does little in this moment and later on to change that which is NOT the Rhaenyra we learned before.

Even her approach, while she's being humiliated, is different. When a Lord stops her to wish her congratulations, she gracefully indulges him even though she's clearly humiliated and in pain in the moment. In her scene with Laenor she doesn't asks him or even command him to be with her, she only shows relief that he's there and resigns herself to the physical and emotional toll of what she has to do next will take on her.

The fact that she does this shows us that young Rhaenyra is still in there. She's always been brave and proud, determined to look a challenge in the eye. We also learn that she called the midwife a cunt during childbirth, which feels like something old Rhaenyra would do. She's also very sarcastic and firm with Laenor. It's a credit to Emma's acting because Rhaenyra feels the same yet different all at the same time. However, the main thing I noticed during all these early scenes is that Rhaenyra's personality is muted. She indulged in Alicent's bullshit about how she should be resting. She clearly holds back when Alicent makes things awkward with her shady comments and looks, and she holds back when Laenor names her son in front of Viscerys. She clearly wants to snatch her child away from Alicent but never tries to do it. On one hand you could argue that she was exhausted after childbirth and didn't have energy for the flare she had in her youth but it's clear that much of what we see is not just exhaustion, it's resignation.

She's resigned herself to dealing with Alicent's pettiness and humiliation without much fight. On the surface she even seems to have a good supportive relationship with Laenor but we quickly learn that her marriage has some pretty big cracks during their conversation about naming Joffrey, but even in that conversation, there is a sense of resignation in Rhaenyra's voice and behavior when she mentions that Laenor hasn't been interested in their affairs lately. All of these things moved me and immediately made Rhaenyra an even more compelling character and it was only her first scene of the episode! All the ways Rhaenyra has muted herself and resigned herself to her fate become even more heartbreaking as the episode continues.

To Rhaenyra's credit, even of her life seems like it's not what we expected or she expected it to be she still seems to have a generally happy life. Her children are seemingly loved and adored by everyone around them, even their uncle Aegon, who has more fondness for them than his brother. Her children are also well-raised kind boys. It shows in their excitement over picking out an egg for their brother and how Jacaerys proudly tells his mother he let Lucerys choose the egg and Lucerys politely thanks him. You can see the love for her boys all over her face and the happiness she feels when she's around them. So maybe her mellowed out behavior is partially for their sake, but I don't think that's all there is to it.

But her mellowed-out behavior even shows with Harwin. They've been lovers for a decade and now have three children, and yet she shows restraint when she's around him, even when they are alone. She doesn't proudly relish in the affair. She doesn't immediately cling to him when no one is looking. She's a bit playful and clearly not unhappy around him, but there is also a sense that she's not even completely herself around even him these days. They interact like two people who are participating in this very modern and healthy family dynamic. Still, Rhaenyra doesn't interact with him like they have a burning passion and love for each other. You get the sense that Hawrwin is completely devoted to her, but Rhaenyra may keep him at a certain distance. It greatly contrasts how she used to behave with Daemon in her youth and with how she interacted with Criston. She was brazen in her desire to have Daemon's attention. She constantly found ways to stroke the flames of his affection for her, even while in public at her wedding festivities. There was a burning under the surface that often felt both comforting and dangerous to her. With Criston, she was openly flirtatious and engaged with him in a manner that was completely carefree.

Sure her dynamic with Harwin comes with the added weight of her being a married woman but this is the same Rhaenyra that offered Criston the chance to be her side piece during her marriage, the same Rhaenyra that seemed to relish in the idea that she can pursue her own pleasures outside of her marriage. And yet when we see her again with someone she's been with for a decade, there is none of that playfulness, excitement,or fire she once had, not even when they are alone with each other. It's a very telling dynamic when you really look at it.

One of the most interesting things about this is we see another character in the same position in this episode. Daemon.

When we first meet Daemon this episode he's doing tricks with Laena on Caraxes in Pentos like a showman. Then we see over the last 10 years he's created a peaceful and interesting life in the city with his wife, who is expecting a 3rd, and his two daughters. He's seemingly happy and content on the surface and seems to have moved on from his younger days of chaos and scandals. Unlike what we saw with Rhaenyra, Daemon doesn't appear all that changed, he just seems to be in a different more mature place in life but like Rhaenyra we learn early on that his life isn't as it appears either.

He has an argument with Laena that revels exactly how he's changed. Laena, wants to leave and return home. Daemon wants to stay in Pentos as pampered eternal guests with no responsibilities or connections to anything that's happening at him. This is coming from the same Daemon that spent the first half of the season doing anything and everything he could do to get his brother's attention. The same Daemon that was constantly exiled only to return to his family. The same Daemon that told Rhaenyra he returned from the Stepstones because he longed for the comforts of home. Something has changed in Daemon.

Even when Laena points out that he's the blood of old Valyria, something Daemon took great pride in 10 years ago, he says that old Valyria is gone; he doesn't belong anywhere. That's one of my favorite lines from him this episode because even before, you always got the sense that Daemon was lost; he was drifting, searching for his place in the realm currently ruled by his brother. Many of his actions were those of a man with nothing except his family, the family he loves and resents equally. But old Daemon had fight left in him. Old Daemon was a drifter that still believed he had a purpose as a part of the Targaryen legacy that he couldn't let go of. New Daemon appears to be indifferent, but he's really resigned. He's accepted what he's always felt, that he doesn't belong anywhere. He's just like Rhaenyra in how he's given up the fight of his younger years. He no longer seeks his brother's validation or Rhaenyra's affection, and he's so determined to let go that he refuses to return, instead choosing to live his life completely disconnected from his home with the beautiful family he's created.

On the one hand, the resignation and acceptance that Rhaenyra and Daemon show can be admirable. Sometimes you do have to give up youthful ideals and ground yourself in reality as a part of growing and evolving. But how admirable it is can only be determined by how the person who gives up responds to no longer having what they have let go and by the toll it takes on them after they've let go.

With both Rhaenyra and Daemon we see that their resignation hasn't been liberating, it has been suffocating, especially for Rhaenyra.

My heart truly went of your Rhaenyra because as the episode progresses, we see just how much she's had to endure. How much she's had to suppress who she is to make her life work, and it still continues to crumble around her. It makes you wonder if suppressing herself was even worth it in the first place.

My answer is no, and I suspect the answer within the narrative is no as well because what we see next for Rhaenyra and for Daemon shows that it does nothing but slowly eat away at them inside. If affects their relationships with their family in Daemon's case, and forces Rhaenyra to endure humiliation until she wants to just give up and run away and that's why it so compelling from a character standpoint.

With that said, I guess I'll save the rest for part 2.

[readerbell]

The Great Hunt Epigraph & Prologue

Epigraph

I really should’ve paid attention to the Karaethon Cycle because Robert Jordan kept telling us the world will fall apart lol. There was no reason for me to go all Pikachu face when famine and war fell over the world. Even so, all the prophecies in the world wouldn’t prepare me for what actually transpires lol.

“And it shall come to pass that what men made shall be shattered…” I’m presuming these are the crumbling seals?

“and the Shadow shall lie across the Pattern of the Age, and the Dark One shall once more lay his hand upon the world of man.” all the craziness in the latter half of the series.

“Yet one shall be born to face the Shadow, born once more as he was born before, and shall be born again, time without end.” - The cycle that is the bane of Ishamael’s existence. Why has he never goaded Lews Therin into balefiring him? Even if Lews Therin was hesitant to balefire people, Rand was trigger happy and would do him a favour… and nothing says I win again Lews Therin like taking him with him…

“The Dragon shall be Reborn, and there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth at his rebirth.” The Aiel war.

“In sackcloth and ashes shall he clothe the people…” I get ashes but sackcloth? Is that just war and famine reducing people to this?

“and he shall break the world again by his coming, tearing apart all ties that bind.” Said Bashere, the Aiel, and others.

“Let tears flow, O ye people of the world. Weep for your salvation.” I do want to cry already because this time I know what’s ahead of our poor boy.

Prologue

Reading about the airs of the man who calls himself Bors on a reread is so cringe-inducing. The front he presents is so irreconcilable with his true nature as a spineless coward with no endearing qualities. Ballzy mockingly calling him Bors is such a mood; the name, like his airs, is a facade.

Still, his flip-floppy, serve-two-masters nature was apparent this early. He so badly wants to serve the Shadow to progress himself but at his most fearful he falls back on old beliefs. Had I not known he was such a loser I’d have thought Ballzy’s slip that he will defeat the Dragon in this Age or another was one reason for Bors consistently hedging his bets to impotence. His indecisiveness, as much as his general cowardice, hampers him in a way other darkfriends aren’t (they just have other vices).

What I love about this prologue (and the book generally) is that in introducing us first to glory-seeking darkfriends like Bors, Liandrin & Suroth, Robert Jordan pulls the reader into a lull. I was so on the look out for people focused on personal glory (Selene and Liandrin immediately set off my suss alarms) that I had the rug pulled out from under me with the reveal that there are people who turn to the dark for noble reasons and/or because they are so desperately disillusioned.

I also love this prologue (and subsequent interactions) for highlighting how becoming a darkfriend doesn’t erase one’s own prejudices. I too share some of Bors’ dislike of the Tar Valon witches.

I loved playing spot the darkfriend at the DF social. I definitely recognised 2 or 3 people, including my most beloved. Can’t wait to see him brought to life on the show.

“Blue eyes could mean the nobility of Andor” LOL! I thought Elayne saying Rand looked like a portrait of Tigraine was the first clue I got to who his mother might be but our first explicit clue is here? LMAO. (I don’t count Almen Bunt’s rambling as a clue but THIS I should’ve picked up on).

I do have a question though…why did Ishy turn up the way he did? I’m presuming he pulled everyone into a dreamshard. The fires are as cold as they always are in his dreamshard… He could have appeared in any form he wanted. Why appear half-burned? Is it the madness? Did he want to keep his burns so he could fuel his hate of Rand? Or did they all make the trip to Shayol Ghul? If so, why is Bors unclear as to where he is?

Lastly, I can’t believe this prologue was only 15 pages long lmao. I remember the later book prologues going on for around 3 hours & taking up 10+% of the book. I used to celebrate hearing/reading “The Wheel of Time turns…” 😂

[shima-draws]

Hiro is here!! We've all been waiting for him!!

You know the drill by now, all the yummy details about his background are under the cut ;) Also be warned it is VERY long I went a little feral writing his backstory lmao

Hiro

Age: 17

Hair color: Orange

Eye color: Pink

Element: Psychic & Forest

Okay so a lot of this is gonna be stuff I'm pulling from posts I've already written to make it easier on myself and so I don't have to repeat anything.

Before he was born, the Novune Forces approached Hiro's parents because they knew that he would be born as a dual elemental. Part of their goal was to raise several dual type children to become human weapons--they targeted dual type babies specifically because they're said to be more powerful since they can use more than one elemental type.

It was the perfect opportunity for Hiro's parents because at the time they were not ready for a child despite agreeing that they were going to have it. Ofc the Forces did not reveal their plans so to them it turned into a nice surrogate parent situation where Hiro's mother would give birth to him and he'd immediately be given up for adoption afterwards. It was definitely hard for them to part with him but they trusted he'd be in good care. Well. That turned out great, as you can probably tell :')

Hiro, along with Kaz and Mallary, became the Forces' iconic trio, with Hiro considered to be the golden child and the most dangerous between the three of them because of his high intellect and skill in combat. He grew up under a very strict regimen and would spend hours each day dedicated to training both his mind and his elemental powers. He's an extremely gifted psychic elemental and took to his abilities almost immediately--he’s able to read his opponents movements and set up traps before they can even get to him. He’s usually airborne for most battles he’s in; he finds it easier to strategize from a higher vantage point, and he also just likes to float around and dodge enemy attacks and act like an ass lmao. He’s a pro at immobilizing his enemies so they can no longer move, ending his battles swiftly and cleanly. Physically he’s not very powerful so he uses a magic staff to fight. His intelligence more than makes up for his lack of super strength!

He has a special power like Kaz’s extra dragon typing (and, like Kaz, he has a streak in his hair from the experimentation)—Hiro gets visions of death, basically predictions of the future, and his visions are never wrong. He’s able to see who dies in battle and the Forces use this to their advantage so that they can prepare around any casualties. Hiro hates getting these visions because he doesn’t like seeing people die, he witnesses their last moments and it’s certainly traumatizing for him;; and like Kaz, this power was something he only unlocked through lots of experimentation on him, so he usually passes out for hours after getting a vision since it’s not a “natural” ability he was born with.

As for his second typing, it was something he never really clicked with. Forest elementals have to be very attuned to nature and are generally more kindhearted and gentle people, but since Hiro grew up in a base with only limited access to the outside (and because he’s forced into acting as an antagonist), his forest elemental powers were repressed over the years. He’s already powerful enough as a psychic elemental so he doesn’t feel the need to resort to a second power, especially since his superiors viewed his second typing as useless and he never received proper training on how to use it. He's already a huge threat as he is so they said good enough. The Forces believe that if something is useless, throw it away, so they eventually abandoned any hope of him succeeding in bettering his forest powers, and focused solely on enhancing his psychic abilities and making his death visions clearer.

Before Hiro became the cold-hearted and snarky colonel that the Forces know him as, he was actually a very kind child with an aversion to violence, and cried often. That got forced out of him pretty quickly though--he learned right away that disobedience means punishment and the only way to pay for his mistakes is by verbal and physical abuse. Poor baby :'( He and Kaz and Mallary go through a LOT of unfair shit as kids. The event that really drove home his intense determination and flawless record was the first mission he was ever sent out on.

This happened when he was around 13. Usually members of the Forces don't get to go out on solo missions unless they have a high position or are old enough to, but he was the exception because of his talent and because it was an experiment to see if he could handle it. His mission was to infiltrate a small, family run guild and basically gather intel and find out what their agenda was, as there were rumors they knew of some of the Forces’ plans. Upon Hiro’s arrival to the town where the guild was situated, he ends up rescuing the Guildmaster’s daughter, Lorelai, who is around his age. Unknowingly, he triggered his forest elemental powers, which caused them to land in a field of flowers he’d bloomed. Because of this, Lorelai starts to call him Flower, since he couldn’t come up with a codename in time and he doesn’t have a real name anyway lol

A couple weeks pass and Hiro spends more and more time with the guild, growing closer to Lorelai and being lulled into a false sense of security. He becomes extremely jealous of how the guild lives, and is very emotional at how much of a family they are, and how sweetly they treat him. Hiro starts to ponder over whether or not he should be sneaking around behind their back, when one day the guild is attacked while he’s out. When he returns, the village is set ablaze, and when Hiro demands what’s going on, his superior informs him that he was merely a decoy to get their defenses down, since apparently the Forces had definitive proof that they knew of their plans. His superior orders Hiro to search the village and kill anybody who was left.

Hiro, panicked, searches for Lorelai, and finds her hiding in the forest nearby. He apologizes to her and has a mental breakdown, blaming himself for all of her misfortune. Lorelai realizes that he’s being kept in the Forces against his will and begs him to run away with her. Hiro knows that he’ll be hunted down if he does, and Lorelai could get hurt, so he tells her he has to stay with them. In the midst of this, they are confronted with the current colonel of the Forces, who encourages Hiro to kill Lorelai. Hiro refuses, and the colonel calls him out for insubordination. The colonel then decides to kill both of them in order to get a promotion. Hiro leaps to defend both Lorelai and himself, and in the scuffle, receives the scar on his head, and accidentally kills the colonel. Traumatized, bloodied, and terrified, Lorelai is the one to apologize to him as he cries his eyes out. Hiro numbly reassures her and tells her to run while she can. Lorelai admits that she loves him and bids him farewell, hoping that they can meet again, and that she’s sorry she can’t do more for him.

This is when Hiro decides to become the perfect agent—dangerous, cruel, and flawless, so that something like this never happens again, and so that he can have enough power to make the decisions rather than just following orders to mindlessly kill people. From then on out he does what he’s told without any complaints and has a record for never failing a single mission the Forces have given to him. Any enemy considers him to be absolutely ruthless because he does not hesitate in battles and will neutralize with no questions asked. He’s a cocky little bastard around enemies lmao he loves to snark them and tease them. He’s strictly against killing after what happened to the colonel, so instead, if it’s a high risk operation, he erases the memories of his targets to reduce the threat. Because he’s so uncomfortable with the thought of death in general he reasons that losing your memories is better than dying, and that makes it easier on the Forces as well since they’ll leave less of a trail rather than just killing people left and right. 

Growing up, Hiro didn’t interact with Kaz very much, and they usually just saw each other in passing. However they both respect each other a great amount, and they sympathize with each other, being in the same sort of situation. Both the Hiro and Kaz hate their upbringing and hold a grudge against their superiors for their treatment and experimentation on them;; As for Mallary, Hiro became enamored with her because she reminds him a lot of Lorelai (who he later admits to being his first love). He finds her strength captivating and the way she doesn’t give a shit about other people’s opinions admirable. Hiro eventually falls prey to her manipulation and falls over himself to please her, which bothers Kaz because he knows Mallary’s just toying with him.

After the Forces’ plan to kidnap Ginni and use her as a hostage blows up in their face, Hiro finds out that Kaz had escaped with her, and commends him on the extremely smart decision to do so lol. He wonders if he should start considering leaving the Forces as well, seeing as he’s mature and responsible (and smart) enough to make it on his own. He’s ordered to retrieve Kaz which was a HUGE mistake on the Forces’ part because they didn’t realize Hiro’s loyalties lied more with people on the outside. Hiro meets up with Kaz and Kaz eventually convinces him to desert the Forces and work with him to stop their plans. Hiro agrees to work as a double agent for a while, leaking all of the Forces’ information to Kaz, Ginni, and the guild. In the midst of all this, Hiro meets Olivia, who pretty much calls dibs on him and she’s like “Listen Ginni got to give Kaz his name so can I give the colonel a name?? Please???” So she starts calling him Hiro! And finally baby boy smarts up and starts crushing on a girl that actually gives a damn about him and god dammit it’s the cutest fucking case of puppy love since Dusk/Nozomi. Hiro absolutely adores her, but he’s too nervous to actually do anything about it because he’s got huge abandonment issues (thanks again bad parenting! And Mallary!) and doesn’t want to ruin one of the only genuine friendships he’s ever had. But he is head over HEELS for Olivia and it’s so……softe.

Mallary finds out that Hiro’s acting as a spy, and retaliates. Hiro realizes just how awfully she’s treated him and defeats her, allowing him to escape and officially join up with the guild.

After that it’s a whole bunch of crazy action stuff as plans come together and they get to take down the Forces. Hiro falls harder and deeper for Olivia while she remains oblivious (at least, for a little while, until she finally starts noticing). He grows closer to Kaz and Ginni as well, and begins connecting with Kaz on a deep level because of their shared history. (They’re kind of like brothers, and Hiro considers him to be his best friend :’) )

Once the Forces are defeated, Hiro and Kaz both decide to go on a journey of self discovery in order to better themselves and learn more about the world they haven’t seen due to being locked up for so many years. Kaz and Ginni are already on the verge of forming a relationship, but with Olivia and Hiro it’s still tentative since she’s unsure and he still feels inadequate as a romantic partner. Olivia admits that she likes him and Hiro is so happy he’s ready to burst, but then he realizes it’s not the right time for them to be together so he gently rejects her. (Olivia takes this as an actual rejection tho not a “I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you yet tho I WANT to” and Ginni’s like YA’LL ARE SO DUMB I S2G).

Hiro and Kaz go their separate ways, and Hiro travels around for a while! He eventually settles in a lovely little village where he learns about his forest elemental powers and how to use them better. He’s finally able to connect with other people and essentially becomes way softer around the edges, revealing the true personality he had when he was a kid. A year or so passes and suddenly Kaz, Ginni and Olivia show up to reunite with him, and not long after that Hiro and Olivia FINALLY get together and start dating 😔👌 (Ginni: TOOK you look enough, god)

At some point the four of them go on a journey together and Hiro runs into his biological parents again…!! And he finds out he has a younger sister and they all reconnect and it’s SO EMOTIONAL

Other than that I think that’s all I have 🤔 Thanks for reading though this epic rollercoaster ride of a story plot lol!

Extra personality traits

-Hiro’s sarcasm and snarkiness is a defense mechanism to prevent anybody from seeing his vulnerable side, and also a way to trick the fear inside of him. Kaz is the one to point this out actually lol

-Despite that he does enjoy teasing people lightheartedly and being sassy, once he gets comfortable enough with them! There is a difference between his snarkiness towards enemies compared to that towards friends

-Is EXTREMELY loyal to the people he cares about. At first he tends to act prickly and kind of standoffish towards people he doesn’t know well. Over time he becomes more open to trusting others. Once you earn his trust and he deems you worthy of his friendship he instantly becomes softer and kinder haha, it’s like a switch

-Often dismisses people that he thinks aren’t worth his time or aren’t smart enough to hold an intelligent conversation with him

-Spends a lot of time reading and gathering knowledge. He is very book smart—but not very people smart :’D He and Kaz will spend hours in the guild’s library, since they’re both very thirsty for information outside of what they studied during their time in the Forces

-Touch starved as FUCK. He flips his shit every time somebody touches him in a friendly way, and will melt into a puddle if he gets hugged

-He can be very nosy and insensitive sometimes, prying into other people’s personal affairs if he thinks he can solve the issue

-Absolutely a tactics expert. He calculates all of his moves very carefully, and uses prediction tactics to leave no room for error. He enjoys coming up with mock battle situations to challenge himself.

-Very self-sacrificial;; he views the lives of those he cares about to be far more important than his own. He’ll lay his life on the line for his friends in an instant

-Is the person in the group who is the least fond of violence. If he can find a way around injuring someone, he’ll do it. He prefers to restrict his enemy’s movements or slow them down so they can’t fight back. He is VERY good at neutralizing opponents before they can even register it

-SUPER speedy. Due to his small size he’s very quick, most people don’t see him coming

-He’s really sensitive about his height fjmaksldmas he snaps at people who make fun of him for it

-Tends to levitate when he’s in deep thought. Olivia finds this very cute

-Blooms flowers when he’s happy/embarrassed

-He’s actually. A very talented dancer :0 During his year away from the guild he learned a lot of folk dances at the village he was living in, and when the others witness it they get really starstruck because it’s super mesmerizing!! He blooms flowers as he dances

-At his core he’s a very compassionate character!!

-After escaping from the Forces, he’s able to express his emotions more openly, and goes back to the way he was as a child. He’s a crybaby :’) He cries whenever someone he cares about gets hurt

-The only person in the group with the fucking brain cell, and the most rational one. Unless Olivia gets involved, then he gets stupid and flustered lmao

[cutegirlmayra]

Hiiiiii, I rly like your writing X3 I was wondering if you’d answer this question: What is your interpretation of what SEGA is doing with SonAmy as of right now? Seems like it’s becoming more and more canon. I know you’ve done similar question before, but could you maybe just answer this for 2021? Thanks!💖💙

No problem! And thank you, lovely Anon~<3 I love writing for the feels~ But also for the accuracy to be as close as possible if I can manage it! First of all, they’ve always been canon? Maybe not ‘in-world dating’ canon but canon in the sense that they are a official SEGA advertised couple since the get-go.

Amy was created to literally be in the slot of ‘Sonic’s Girlfriend��� where she had feelings for Sonic and always a fun mystery as to decipher Sonic’s subtle ‘returned caring’ for her.

As for 2021 we are so FREAKIN’ HAPPY to hear that SEGA is FINALLY marketing the two and VISUALLY SEEING the sales of their ‘couple shirts’ and the like make some profit. Furthermore, we have long-time fans and professionals in the careers within SEGA also vocalizing that they don’t mind the couple and even support it. With less emphasis on the ‘fandom fanatics’ of the raging past and more so on the fantastic marketability and popularity the couple brings to SEGA’s exposing their main IP, it’s become almost common ground to expect more and more people liking romantic and suggested romantic couples in all ranging medias.

We need also mention the alarming rate of the worrisome numbers in Japan recently. Conducted studies have shown that most of Japan’s population is elderly, and in the very near future (About 5 years or so) a good chuck of Japan’s population will die. This means the Japanese Government is promoting more and more companies within both entertainment, advertising, etc. to be more ‘promoting family’ in their media. Japan needs more babies! And guess what?

Mario Odyssey comes out with a completely ‘Wedding themed’ video game.

Dramatic romantic underlying's in Zelda’s new game.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake’s focus on romantic underlying’s along with Cloud willingly saying (English version) “Do I have any say in this?” As though to fight the idea that romance can’t happen and-

Kingdom Hearts 3′s romantic underlying that literally has a song (Japanese) talking about rings and getting married called “Chikai” or also ‘Oath’ that in English is rewritten to a romantic song about going deeper into love called “Don’t Think Twice” but literally has the two ‘making their fates intertwined’ in a symbol of ‘romantic intentions’ such as marriage or even just fidelity in a relationship.

So? How does all this influence the latest Sonamy supersonic boom we’ve seen in the media recently?

Although Sonic is his own character, he’s also only 15 (But as many of you have seen in Anime, Japanese ages of appropriateness are different then our own cultures and societies) we see faint glimpses. In the mostly American-made Sonic Boom t.v series, the comedic moments of Sonic and Amy are very much to a genre of American audiences and how we view ‘funny love’ should normally be marketed as. (I don’t always agree with what they say, but that’s how they’re trained and believe the ‘trends’ go... so ... can’t argue with professionals? Eh? -I personally think they’re outdated *cough cough*)

Sonic is not one to express feelings in overly dramatic ways which is common place in American television and media, but he’s also got a ‘boy’s heart’ which means we won’t see a lot of things from him BESIDES ‘romantic underlyings’ that are probably going to be initiated and themed mostly and primarily in Amy Rose’s character (If at all shown or expressed.)

For these reasons, I believe SEGA is just hopping on the bandwagon and doing what they’re told, while also following the latest trends that the other big fellow companies are making a significant profit on. I know we wish and want SEGA to be ‘special’ in how they think, but they really are just a company that is trying to survive and outlast the competition.

It’s sad to think that way, especially when SEGA used to be so creative and always influencing the next best thing but that was YEARS ago and they’ve learned to tread water since then...

(Goku being a grandfather emphasizes family in this particular scene where they take his granddaughter before a big tournament fight to a fair/festival. We see Goku with his family too, or at least, a successful son with his wife and daughter, spending time with his Father-In-Law, and the like.)

We see it in Dragon Ball emphasizing family, we see it in more romance-themed animes (and those that have only recently done romance, when they--for the longest part--never indulged in such things before or previously) and we now see more japanese games and media centralized around that.

What does that mean for Sonamy? Hopefully good things! Because if you buy the merch, they’ll produce more content. It’s a basic ‘supply and demand’ formula. If the demand (meaning how much you spend and want Sonic and Amy couple merch) goes up, then they have to supply to keep their business afloat. If they don’t they sink, but that DOES NOT MEAN TO BE AGRESSIVE. It means just support when they do something you like, and positively, kindly mention what you liked and wish to see more of if the future allows. No one reads aggressive writing unless, they too--wish to be aggressive back.

SEGA’s had issues with aggressiveness before, please let them see that couples in the sonic world won’t have a negative impact on their branding with irrational and bad-media frenzies. (Now, after saying this, I know people will start to do just that, don’t feed fire with fire, just let the fire burn till it has nothing left to consume, and carry on happily posting fanart or fanstories of what you love. Ignore to extinguish, which is what SEGA will do to Sonic shipping fans if we don’t act somewhat reasonably, okay?)

My predictions are such: 1. Amy’s crush will sadly lessen in impact and become more of a novelty, something that is treasured when moments arise to reveal her crush on Sonic, which in my opinion, is not her personality, but due to the heavy influence of women’s portrayal (Especially in America) being overemphasized and not done well, this is how they will try and combat it... (No one does this right and you shouldn’t base a characters solely on political reasonings...) 2. Sonic will have moments of caring for Amy or doing something sweet that can and probably will be interpreted as ‘a couple moment’ but he’ll remain mostly about other things, and the ‘underlying romance’ will have to come through Amy Rose’s character. 3. SEGA will loosen some rules after seeing more and more of the productivity and trend associated with marketing romance, and to keep up with demand and growing times, will finally let small moments emerge between the two, but the fandom will not be satisficed since we will now be desensitized to overly avert demure and oblivious stereotropes that will date their characters. and won’t allow them to proceed smoothly into the new area of customers and audiences.

Children are becoming extremely observant and aware. They are clever, and they always have been. It’s time to market to Children and Young Adults, not babies.

My ways to avoid this, predictions 1: New employees will surface that will start to get a name and reputation in the Sonic Fandom, along with youtube and internet stars who will influence certain marketing schemes (as is starting to appear now, and I feel will be just like ‘star marketing’ or ‘influencers’ that will be popularized in fandoms that companies will slightly make use of.) that will encourage new ideas and bring about a sudden ‘boom’ not expected. (Especially after the lull of the pandemic, I feel there will be an abundance of things happening in the upcoming years... but nothing right now, unfortunately, but at least they’re forced to focus on working on things instead of just releasing to keep up with other companies.)--In other words, they will incorporate new blood with the old, and they will lead Sonic’s IP into a ton of nostalgia and new beginnings that will actually stick and become Sonic’s new brand identity. (This will resonate with fans old and new, but still be a fresh leap into the future for the franchise and fandom.) 2. Sonic’s negative popularity will start to decrease, leading and paving the way for fame and possible adjustments such as more romantic themes to keep up with trends and Japanese Government demands (especially when the population starts to wither and it becomes an emergency situation to start encouraging family ties). Other than sonamy or romantic things, I believe new characters will pop up to ‘test the waters’ and see if we like romance intertwined adventures. 3. Villains will become more sentimental and caring, less comedically, they will be redeemable entities so that the company can market them more. This can also lead into funny romances that help other romances develop and have more meaning. (In other words, they’ll dig into their vault of familiar and new faces, go off the trend of ‘redeeming the villain’ and have more heart-to-heart moments that may inspire more canonical couples... especially if a newer villain were to have a crush that ended up helping two canon characters get together and leave the audience sympathizing more with the villain. This is an actual trend starting where Villains have more character and roles other than just being evil and staying that way till death. I suspect this will be popularized in American and possibly foreign media as time goes on.)

(I actually have a lot of the sonamy shirts lol But here’s an example of the villain actually helping the canon couple have more ‘romantic underlying’ moments together <3)

Those are my current predictions, though I admit that some don’t sound all that hopeful. But hey! All my hopeful and positive predictions have already come true XD Sonamy is being marketed, the new media (Sonic Boom at the time) had subtle but more forward comedic hinting (that I don’t feel went all that well? But eh, that’s just me!), and SEGA continues to try and reface Sonic which his brand doesn’t need. I believe they will still try and rebrand Sonic continually until something sticks for them that they like. Sonamy may go through many iterations, as they are still hesitant with it, and we see that by only marketing their ‘younger selves’ as in Classic Sonamy, and are too ‘shy and uncertain’ if backlash would happen if they advertised a more mature-looking Sonic and Amy marketing. Again, I don’t know if they’ll fully grow out of this, so I predict they won’t.

(I have this one but in black <3 <3 <3)

That’s it for now! My positive last comments would be the more we buy/purchase Sonamy merch, the more we’ll start seeing it in their media and entertainment products. Until then, do your best and write, draw, and review -kindly- to keep those articles of enchantment alive with the sweet sound of--”When will Sonic and Amy finally have a love song AMV moment for us?” lol

[isk4649]

Chapter 1. Wed, May 19 and Thu, May 20: Yokosuka U.S. Naval Base Barracks (米海軍横須賀基地兵舎)

First chapter of Where the Waves Crest (波の上り詰める所)!!!

Chapters: 1/19

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings.

Relationships: Male Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford

Characters: Cullen Rutherford, Male Trevelyan (Dragon Age), Josephine Montilyet, Rosalie Rutherford, Mia Rutherford, Sera (Dragon Age), Blackwall (Dragon Age), Varric Tethras, Rylen (Dragon Age).

Additional Tags: Bisexual Cullen Rutherford, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Japan, Tokyo (City), Fluff, Angst, Healthy Relationships, Slice of Life, Smut, Gay Sex

Summary:

“You know, I’d given up on you. You texted me to check if I got in okay, and then nothing.”

“You could’ve texted too.”

“I didn’t think you liked me.”

Stationed in Japan, Cullen Rutherford is a lonely American enlisted sailor living in Yokosuka barracks. Tharin Trevelyan is a gregarious English teacher in the neighboring Kawasaki. One chance online encounter leads to many adventures in and around Tokyo, bringing the two men closer. But will they let this develop into a lasting relationship, or will they resign themselves to their many differences as well as the limit of their time in Japan?

I’m excited. Are you excited?

A snippet from the first chapter below.

Cullen couldn’t come clean about the fact that he was rapidly flipping between two tabs, repeatedly going back to ogle at the larger size of Tharin’s profile pic. The last thing he wanted was to come across as a creep. Yet, he had to admit to himself that he was mesmerized by the young man. Enough to attempt to flirt, a natural conclusion point.

yokosuka_c_guy: Hey, at least you have a real nice profile pic. You really do look great in it.

quizzy1203: Aww, tyvm. So do you. I’m sure scammers the world over are dying to pretend to be you on the Interweb.

It wasn’t entirely clear whether Tharin got the message. Still, getting a compliment from the young man, even if jokey, was enthralling.

As the chat progressed, Cullen found himself increasingly antsy with anticipation. It wasn’t at all like him to be antsy about something, let alone someone. But there he was, antsy, nonetheless. Eventually, he brought up the subject of dating in the most nonchalant way he could, hoping to glean what Tharin’s preferences were.

yokosuka_c_guy: I’ve seen one sailor date a Japanese girl so he could practice Japanese. So… how bad is it to date someone just to improve your language skills?

quizzy1203: Uh… I’d say, really bad? I wouldn’t know. Does that happen often?

yokosuka_c_guy: That guy is an outlier. Most people don’t care enough to make an effort to learn Japanese. They expect the Japanese to speak English.

quizzy1203: Ugh, that’s just shitty. I should commend you for joining a language exchange site, then, haha.

yokosuka_c_guy: Hey, who says I didn’t join just to find dates?

quizzy1203: Lol, true that.

There was a sudden lull. Messages stopped. Cullen waited for half a minute, but nothing new came. Feeling stuck, he rested his chin on the palm of his left hand and tapped his right forefinger on the laptop. He felt the bristles of his stubble grate against his skin.

Tharin did not seem to catch on to the fact that Cullen was driving the conversation toward the subject of dating. Or if he did, he was ignoring it. Cullen decided to press on gingerly, hoping Tharin would notice and not notice all at the same time.

yokosuka_c_guy: I mean, I suppose you date someone for different reasons. But dating to practice your Japanese seems a little dubious. Not that YOU would need to do that. I bet you don’t need to date anyone for that, if you’re dating someone.

Barring his spelling out his intention directly, Cullen could not have been more obvious. Fortunately, the response was quick.

quizzy1203: Haha, nope. I don’t need to, and I wouldn’t. And no, I’m single. Let’s see… The last time I was with someone was back in America. So, a year ago.

It was as if Cullen managed to pry open the door to a secret treasure trove. But he realized he had better suppress the urge to inquire for more details. He could come off as boorish.

yokosuka_c_guy: Oh, yeah?

Yet Tharin was generous enough to provide the details right away.

quizzy1203: Yeah. I broke up with a guy named Dorian before I left for Japan. He was a nice dude too… Really funny and smart. But we both agreed, it was for the best.

Ah, so Tharin was gay, possibly bisexual like him. This excited Cullen more than it really ought to have. In fact, it excited him enough to try his hand at dropping more transparent hints.

[myherowritings]

Strawberry Scented Dreams

Overview: The 3 Times Todoroki Falls Asleep On You + The 1 Time You Fall Asleep On Him. Shouto is always sleepy and needs some rest, and your shoulder just happens to be the comfiest place to get it.

Pairing: Todoroki Shouto x Reader

Word Count: 3,697

Warning(s): Language, tooth-rotting fluff.

Author’s Note: This is so self-indulgent I literally have no words, LOL. I just wish Shouto were real so this could happen. *cries* A girl can dream.

1ST TIME: DURING A CLASS 1-A MOVIE NIGHT

“All in favor of a Twilight movie marathon say I!”

“No way in hell, Raccoon Eyes,” roared Bakugou, voicing the general consensus of Class 1-A.

Even Midoriya piped up, “Ah-- We did watch that the last movie night, Ashido. Maybe we should watch something else?”

The class nodded and began suggesting ideas of their own.

“Lord of the Rings?”

“Nah.”

“Avengers?”

“Ouch!”

“Harry Potter?” you suggested.

The class looked around at each other, no forthright dissent amongst the members. After noticing a few shrugs and why not?’s, Iida stepped forward.

“Does anyone have any objections?” said Iida, glancing at his classmates.

The majority of them shook their heads and you cheered.

“Harry Potter marathon it is!”

As Iida and Jirou set up the movie and mirrored it only the television screen, you happily returned from the kitchen with bowls of popcorn in hand. You passed them around to different groups before looking around trying to find a seat.

“Y/N.”

You turned to the direction of the voice and spotted Todoroki shifting to make room on the sofa cushion.

“You can sit here, if you’d like,” he offered, placing his hand on the spot next to him.

Beaming, you bounded over to him and sat down-- He even gave you the corner seat. “Thank you, Todoroki-kun!”  

“It’s no problem.”

As the first movie started, you munched on your snacks in excitement, offering a piece of chocolate to Shouto.

“Which movie is your favorite?” you whispered, gaze briefly flickering from the screen to the man next to you.

“My favorite?” He blinked, pressing his lips together. “I’m...not sure. I’ve never actually watched them all.”

Your eyes shot open. “What!?”

“Inside voice, please!” yelled Iida from across the room.

“Sorry,” you said sheepishly before turning back to Todoroki. “Have you really never watched or read Harry Potter before?”

Shouto shook his head, eyebrows furrowing as he licked a spot of melted chocolate off his thumb.

You pressed a hand to your chest. How had he never watched them before? It was an essential part of adolescence. “You wound me, Todoroki-kun. It’s one of my favorite series ever!”

“I’m sure I’ll love it then,” Todoroki said simply, giving you a brief smile. “I trust your judgment.”

You tried not to puff up your chest at his flattery. You wouldn’t have considered Shouto your best friend, but you did think you were close. And you would not let the fact that that you thought he was attractive, intelligent, tall, smart, or...perfect, get in the way of your friendship.

By the time you got to the fourth movie, your popcorn had run out and the rest of the class were either completely knocked out, or completely invested in the movie.

“I’m so confused! Is Professor Moody evil or not?” said Hagakure, scratching her head from her seat on the adjacent couch.

“I think the real Moody isn’t evil, but this one is,” replied Yaoyorozu.

“What does that even mean!?”

Chuckling to yourself, you continued to enjoy the scene in front of you. Your focus was only diverted when you felt a small thud on your side.

“Huh--?”

You craned your neck to find Todoroki’s head resting on your shoulder, his soft hair tickling the sensitive skin of your collarbone.

His mouth was slightly askew as he deeply breathed in and out, and his eyes were shut in a way that exaggerated his tired eye bags. You weren’t sure why, but you were certain Shouto wasn’t getting enough sleep during the nights.

“Todoroki-kun?” you whispered. When he didn’t stir, you gave him a small smile before pushing his bangs out of his face, shifting slightly so he wouldn’t wake up with a neck crick. “Sleep well.”

As the next movie in the series played, you felt the warmth on your side lull you into a tired state. Your eyelids grew heavier and heavier and your head landed on a firm, silky pillow that smelled of pine and peppermint.

Before you knew it, you were drifting off into a dream that consisted of golden eggs and friendly dragons, meeting a headstrong prince along the way.

It was the best sleep you had in awhile.

When you awoke, it was to sharp flashes of white and loud sounds of snickers from above you.

Your eyes fluttered open and you squinted at the bright light.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty!”

“Wha--?” you said groggily.

When your gaze adjusted, you noticed the bare and spacious walls were not the ones of your dorm room. And the pillow you were on wasn’t a pillow, but rather a sleeping Todoroki.

You blinked.

“Is the movie marathon over?” you cautioned, piecing together the events of the previous night.

Mina snickered, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “It’s been over for eight hours now, Y/L/N. You and Todoroki fell asleep after the Goblet of Flames, or whatever.”

“Fire,” you corrected instinctively.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Look! We even have pictures of how cute you two are while sleeping,” Uraraka chimed, and you noticed for the first time it wasn’t just a small group of you outside in the common room, but half the class.

They were all gathered in a circle around you and Shouto, phones out recording and taking photos with an ungodly flash.

Todoroki stirred from your shoulder, his eyes opening slowly as a confused expression made its way to his face.

“Good morning, Todoroki-kun,” you said softly.

He looked around a few times. “Good morning, Y/L/N-chan.”

Chan!? you thought, face flaming. Since when did Shouto use honorifics with you? Especially one like that…

“Oh, my God! You guys are so cute!” squealed Mina, clasping her hands against her heart as she spun around in circles. “Kirishima, can you send me the picture? I want to make it my lock screen background.”

You exchanged glances with a very dazed looking Todoroki.

“Wait a minute--” you started.

“I’ll send them to the group chat!” Kirishima said proudly, typing away on his phone. “I had the best angle of their faces and their hands.”

Hands?

“Can I see the picture?” asked Shouto suddenly.

Eijirou handed Todoroki his phone with a wink. “You’re welcome.”

Shouto grabbed the phone and opened up the photo, tilting the screen your way so you were bath able to see it.

As expected, the picture showed Todoroki sleeping on your shoulder with your head resting on top of his. His eyes were snapped shut and he had a peaceful expression on his face. So did you.

But what you did not expect to see was your body tilted ever so slightly towards Shouto, your limp handing falling on his lap while his own palm covered yours.

You felt your cheeks heat up as Todoroki glanced from the photo to you.

You were on fire from embarrassment and you suddenly felt the need to scoot away and create distance between you and your insanely sweet and attractive friend.

“Um-- I…” you stuttered, biting your lip. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you, Todoroki-kun.”

“It was my fault,” he said, waving you off. “I’m the one who fell asleep first. I hope your night wasn’t too uncomfortable, then.”

“Uncomfortable? Not at all! I haven’t slept that well in ages,” you insisted, face flaming once more when you realized what you just said.

But Todoroki’s eyes widened as he straightened in his seat. “Really?”

You nodded, reluctantly.

“I don’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep like that, either,” he admitted.

Uraraka made a strangled noise from behind you and you remembered you weren’t alone.

“That is so cute!” she cried, squishing her cheeks between her hands. “I also want it as my wallpaper!”

You shook your head fervently, rubbing the back of your neck. “O-Oh. Are you sure that’s a good idea--?”

“I think I do, too,” Shouto agreed, his voice soft but firm.

He what?

“Todoroki-kun…? You--?”

When your phone sounded with a ding and you saw the photograph on your screen, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself despite the embarrassed heat in your face.

You reckoned it was a rather cute photo of a rather cute moment… It would be a shame to let it go to waste.

And you hated to admit it, but the picture did make for a good phone background.

- - - - -

2ND TIME: ON THE TRAIN RIDE BACK FROM A SHOPPING TRIP

It wasn’t Todoroki’s fault.

Truly.

How could anyone blame him for falling asleep on someone with such a warm and soothing presence? Shouto found himself gravitating towards your very aura, only to have his senses attacked by your twinkling laughter and dimpled smile.

It was only natural for him to feel tranquil around you. He couldn’t help that in addition your comforting nature, your shoulder looked so inviting as well.

“Did you buy everything you needed?” you asked as you shifted all your bags to one wrist.

Uraraka invited you, Todoroki, and some of your other classmates to go to the mall this Saturday, but when the time came, everyone said they had last minute plans and had to cancel. Everyone except you and Todoroki, that is.

Shouto didn’t mind, but he was worried he couldn’t be much help to you when you were deciding on which outfits to get.

“I did buy everything I need,” he replied, quickly placing Endeavor’s credit card back into his wallet.

It was safe to say he bought more than what he needed.

As the two of you boarded the train back to Musutafu, Todoroki found two seats next to each other and placed his items in the floor.

“I’d say that was a successful shopping trip,” you said, plopping into the seat. “Especially for you. Look at all the things you bought!”

He shrugged, eyeing your normal number of bags and his slightly excessive one. “It’s not all for me, though. I got some sweets for Uraraka-- And I saw an All Might jacket I thought Midoriya might like.”

“Aw, Todoroki-kun! That’s so sweet of you.”

He shifted uncomfortably at your praise.

“I got you something, too,” Shouto admitted, suddenly feeling a strange nervousness in his stomach he never felt before.

You tilted your head to the side and he reached into his jacket pocket to pull out a small box. He saw your eyes widen in realization when you figured out what it was, but he waved you off before you could protest.

“You were looking at it in the store,” he said, opening the box to expose a dainty gold necklace with a small diamond star as the pendant. “I wanted to get it for you.”

“But Todoroki--” You swallowed. “That necklace was almost 15,000 yen!”

“Is that...too much?”

Your lips quirked into a frown and Shouto mentally scolded himself for making you feel upset.

“I apologize, Y/L/N,” he said, reluctantly withdrawing the box from in front of you. “I... thought you’d like it. I didn’t mean to anger you.”

You shook your head, eyes wide. “I’m not mad, Todoroki-kun. I really do love it! But I just can’t accept something so expensive from you without giving you anything in return.”

“You’ve given me plenty. This is what I’m giving you in return.”

Todoroki fought back a yawn as the constant hum and bumps of the train relaxed his muscles, instead taking the necklace out of the box and holding it up.

“It is really pretty,” you said hesitantly.

When he heard that, Shouto began to grin and you folded your arms.

“But I’ll only accept it if I can get you a gift, too!”

Todoroki thought of how comfortable your shoulder was and how you smelled like strawberries and mangoes. What he wouldn’t give to sleep with you again like during the movie night…

His face brightened at the idea. “I know what you can do for me in return. But I’ll tell you them after you accept the necklace.”

You peered at him cautiously through the tops of your lashes, but agreed.

Brushing your hair to one side of your neck, Todoroki felt a shiver run through your body. He paused.

“Sorry, is my hand too cold?”

You shook your head fervently. “No! Ah, I mean-- That’s not why I…” He felt a subte heat radiating from your face. “It’s fine.”

With a shrug, Shouto continued to put the necklace on. He brought the star to the front and ran his fingers down the chain to the clasp in the back. Swiftly, he secured the chain on your neck, letting his fingers linger for a beat longer than necessary.

He cleared his throat. “There.”

You brought your hand to the base of your neck to feel the dainty pendant. Todoroki thought the gold accents looked quite fitting on you.

“Thank you, Todoroki-kun.”

“Shouto.”

You blinked. “Shou… Are you sure?”

He nodded.

“Then call me Y/N,” you said with a beam, your smile so bright it made the whole train lighten up. “Thank you, Shouto.”

“You’re welcome...Y/N.”

Your given name was unfamiliar on his tongue, but he decided he quite enjoyed it. For a while, you sat there in befitting silence, just enjoying each other’s presence until you cleared your throat.

“So, what payment did you have in mind?”

Shouto smiled. “Your shoulder.”

“My what?”

“Shoulder.” At your confused look, he continued, “It’s rather comfortable. And...you smell quite nice.”

Your expression was still puzzled, but this time embarrassed as well.

Todoroki tried again. “Being with you helps me sleep better. I don’t know why, but it does…”

Your eyes flashed with realization and a small grin spread across your face. “Oh, I see. You want to lay down on my shoulder again?”

He felt the temperature rise on his left side, but he nodded.

“You’re the cutest!” you squealed, giving him a quick hug. “You can sleep on my shoulder anytime you want, Shouto.”

Todoroki’s face flamed even more. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Of course!”

And as the train made its way to the stop in Musutafu, Todoroki found himself dozing off with his head in the crook of your neck, strands of your hair tickling his nose.

But he didn’t mind.

You smelled like strawberries and the next time Shouto woke up, he found himself having fond thoughts of the fruit.

- - - - -

3RD TIME: STARGAZING ON THE ROOF

Next week were your final exams and Class 1-A found themselves working their hardest to do their best. After a long day of classes and extensive hero training, you wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed after a hot shower and sleep.

But for some reason you couldn’t.

You stirred in your bed, unable to find a comfortable position. As your gaze roamed around to different part of the ceiling, you found yourself wondering whether or not Shouto had been able to fall asleep yet before snapping yourself out of your thoughts.

Restlessly, you grabbed a fluffy blanket from your bed before walking out of your dorm room.

If you weren’t going to get a good night’s rest, you might as well spend your time looking at the stars (or a single star that somehow shined through the light pollution) rather than the flat white expanse of your ceiling.

But after making your way up the stairs and scaling the rest of the building to reach the rooftop, you found that you weren’t the only one there.

“Shouto?”

He turned his head toward the sound of your voice. “Y/N. Hello.”

You walked over to Todoroki, who was leaning against the railing with his forearms, the wind blowing his hair all over his face.

Somehow, it suited him.

“Couldn’t sleep?” you asked, mimicking his stance.

Reluctantly, Shouto shook his head. “No. And you?”

“I was having a bit of trouble,” you admitted with a shrug.

Laying your blanket out on the cold floor, you sat down and tilted your head up to look at the sky. When you patted the spot next to you, Todoroki slowly made his way there.

There was a lapse of silence as the two of you stared at the sky, shoulders touching and legs slightly brushing each other with no words exchanged.

“I wish more stars were visible where we live,” you said quietly, almost afraid to ruin the moment.

Shouto turned to you, head tilted in question.

“When I was younger, my family and I always went to Mount Ibuki for a while during summer.” You smiled at the memory. “I never saw so many stars in the sky before. It was beautiful.”

“Have you gone recently?”

You sighed. “No. We’ve all been so busy lately.” You shifted your weight onto the palms of your hands as you leaned back. “How about you? Have you ever gone?”

“My father was never one for vacations,” replied Todoroki wryly.

“Right,” you said with a wince. “Well, I’d take you to the mountains, Shouto. We could go hiking and see the stars and have a campfire with s’mores!”

He stared off into the distance for a while, a corner of his mouth quirked upward as he found himself lost in his thoughts. You were quite fond of that smile.

“I’d like that.”

You beamed, bumping your elbow to his side playfully. “Then we’ll do it! Regardless of how busy we become.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

As the two of stared off into space, surrounding yourselves with the stillness of the night, you felt Todoroki’s head fall gently onto your shoulder. You shivered.

“Cold?” he asked, wrapping his left arm around your waist and pulling you closer.

“That’s not why I--” Your cheeks heated, feeling an odd sense of deja vu. “Never mind. Thank you.”

Shouto buried his face deeper in the crook of your neck, his warm palm still resting on the curve of your hip and you couldn’t help but wonder if his heart was beating as fast as yours. “Anytime.”

His abdomen was warm and firm, and his arm enveloped you in a comforting hug that even the biting wind couldn’t interfere with. Beneath you, you felt the steady beat of his heart pick up when you brushed your fingers against the side of his face.

“What are you doing to me, Y/N?” Todoroki said, but you were certain he wasn’t asking in the literal sense.

Your stomach clenched and you felt a flutter in your chest. What was this?

You couldn’t stop thinking about him during the passing moments of the day. You wanted to be by his side in the most random and inconvenient times. And you were never able to get his annoyingly soft hair out of your mind.

You even found random strands of red hair on your clothes-- And you didn’t even mind!

“I don’t know, Shouto,” you replied, voice barely above a whisper.

“Me neither.” He exhaled deeply. “But whatever it is, I don’t want it to stop.”

- - - - -

+1: YOU FALL ASLEEP ON HIM

“You’re quite comfortable yourself, did you know that?”

“Am I?”

You and Shouto were lounging on a the common room couch on a Saturday night and he never wanted to get up. A random movie was streaming on the television as you traced circles onto his pectoral muscle with the tip of your finger.

As he toyed with the ends of your hair, you replied, “Especially with your quirk. Sometimes cuddling can be uncomfortable and sweaty-- But it’s better with you because of your temperature regulation.”

He frowned, touching an ice cold hand to your arm. Todoroki grinned when you squealed, trying to squirm away from his clutches. “Is that the only reason?”

Giggling, you placed your lips against his before resting your head back down on his chest. “No, but it is a bonus.”

Shouto hummed.

“I also like cuddling with you because you smell like Christmas.”

“Christmas?”

“Pine and peppermint-- Like a candy cane on a Christmas tree!”

Todoroki blinked, scratching his head at your observation. He wasn’t exactly sure how he smelled like that, but he supposed it could’ve been much worse.

“Do I?” he said.

“You do. It’s very comforting.” Todoroki noticed your voice grow softer and more lax as he continued stroking small circles against a point of pressure he felt on the nape of your neck. You sighed in contentment. “I feel more relaxed when I’m with you.”

“I feel that way, too.”

When you didn’t reply Shouto looked down to find your eyes shut as you snuggled deeper into his arms. Your hair cascaded around your face and he brushed them away before pressing a kiss against your forehead.

You were beautiful and you were all his, he thought with a small smile as he felt your breathing grow heavier.

Soon enough, Todoroki found his own eyes fluttering shut, his breath matching the steady beat of your heart as he drifted to sleep.

The next morning, Kirishima and Ashido walked into the common room, phones in hand as they spotted the sleeping pair.

“I knew they were bound to get together!” Kirishima exclaimed triumphantly, taking in the way Todoroki’s arm was braced protectively around your waist. He snapped a few photos and sent them to the group chat before turning to Mina with a pinched face. “But the longer I stare at them, the grosser they become.”

Ashido whacked him on the backside of his head before continuing to swoon over the sight of you and Todoroki.

“You just don’t know what love is, Kiri,” said Mina with a dramatic sigh. “Maybe one day when you’re manly enough you will.”

“Hey! You take that back--!”

When Todoroki awoke to a quarrelling flash of red and pink, he wasn’t quite sure what was going on. But when he checked the notification on his phone, what he was certain of was that he now had a new photo to set as his lock screen.

And as he looked from his phone to you sleeping next to him, Shouto caught a whiff of strawberries and realized that if he thought the picture was good, the real thing was a million times better.

[lisinfleur]

Broken Dreams

The Request:

Author’s Notes | One of the heaviest angst I ever wrote. Universe | Vikings Pairing | Ivar x Reader Info | Viking Age AU, requested by anon for 5CW7 Words | 1383 ⁑ Warnings: Mentions of miscarriage and death. HEAVY ANGST. Caution is recommended: The following content may be triggering.

Just a moment. And then, like fragile glass, everything was broken.

They were feasting at the hall; fighters were entertaining the men with a fun fight and his wife felt tired and wanted to retire.

A stumble on the fight caused one man to launch the other towards the crowd right when she was passing to her room.

A terrible accident that caused the crowd to push her and hit her against the wooden table.

She started to bleed on spot... Nothing could be done to save his child.

In a second, the reason for all their happiness was now the source of the biggest despair he ever felt in his heart. The sensation of emptiness had taken completely the joy of his house and swallowed all the hope and dreams from his soul.

Y/N was a crying mess in her bed. She would do nothing but wake up and cry the whole day before exhaustion - and the whole bunch of teas she was drinking like water - could take her back into the world of her dreams where her belly was still full of his child and nothing had gone wrong.

Ivar tried his best to stay beside her, but sometimes he had to admit he left his room without purpose, just to be away from her tears and take some air.

Of course, he wasn't blaming her. There was no one to be blamed: his eyes saw everything happening and he knew it. Not her careful steps among the crowd, nor the fighters who begged his forgiveness, nor the woman in tears that came to knee on his feet claiming to be guilty of touching his queen and pushing her down. He spared them all, even when his anger was boiling into his chest. It wasn't towards then but towards the gods...

"She was happy... I was happy... Is that the reason why everything was taken from us? Am I fucking cursed?"

"You speak as if you knew better than the fingers who write your fate, Boneless," the Seer's voice answered his anguished question as the man's back was turned towards him.

The Wise One was gathering herbs outside of his tent while the angry king was sat at the mound of earth, looking straight at his eyeless face.

"There is no curse over you, young king"

"Then why?" the king insisted. "Why do the gods hate me so much? First, they took my legs! Now, they took my child! Why do they hate me so bad?"

The Ancient one turned itself towards Ivar, ignoring the angry frown he couldn't see in the boy's face.

"Does Freyr love his boar?"

The question made any sense for Ivar and he got up with his crutch, walking inside the tent after the Seer who continued speaking.

"I don't know what you're talking about, old man. What does Freyr's boar have to do with my questions?"

"I ensure you Freyr does like his boar, son of Ragnar. Yet, the wolves still eat the boars and none prevent this from happening. Such as Frigga blessed the mistletoe that killed her beautiful Baldur... Misfortunes happen, young king. It doesn't say you're hated or loved by the gods. It doesn't say anything. Children die, Ivar, the Boneless." the Seer said, looking at him. "Children die when they're expected to live, they live when they're expected to die. Death comes to all of us, whether born or not, as long as we're alive."

The Seer started placing the herbs he gathered on the right pots over his shelf as Ivar seemed to be dwelling on what he just heard.

"So... The gods do not hate me? Then why my child? With so many around, why mine?" he asked, a little less angry than before.

"Why Baldur, among all the gods? Why not Thor... nor Tyr... not Freya, nor Sif? Your fate is yours and yours only, young king. Now go and weep. Life is not only made of victories nor the river of tears is endless. Even for the great Ragnar, beloved and missed, the tears ceased one day. Let Hel have what she has. Now go."

The Ancient extended his hand for Ivar to lick his palm and leave.

Confused, but feeling his anger diminishing in his chest, Ivar took his crutch and started walking with his slow pace towards his home. His eyes looking around, seeing the waves of the sea at the beach not so far; the children of the town running around, playing between the tents of the merchants of his city, remembering him of the many hopes he fed when his wife's belly started to swell with life.

His heart clenched into his chest with those giggles echoing into his ears and, step by step, Ivar remembered his plans, his hopes, his dreams towards that pregnancy that never came to its proper end.

The boys sparing with wooden sticks remembering his hopes to teach his child how to properly hold a sword; the young girls giggling, remembering his thoughts about how it would be to have a little princess walking around his Hall. The children seemed to be everywhere on his way home and somehow, he felt what the gods wanted from him.

Slowly, the anger in his heart had become something else: a strong pressure, crushing his chest from inside out as if that whole anger was something acid, hurting him inside. And slowly it became a knot that closed his throat, suffocating him until it started pouring through his eyes, dripping from his chin. His fingers held the crutch tighter and his steps crossed his Hall's door, walking slowly towards his room, seeing around everything they had prepared for a baby that wouldn't come.

The bedroom he had ordered to be settled for his child attracted him like a strong magnet and he just couldn't avoid coming into that small room; his fingers sliding through the beautiful crib he had ordered the carpenters to carve for his unborn and not-coming child.

From tracing the runes, his fingers went to press the wood between them and so, the small drops in his face became thick lines wet of his tears. And the drops fell from his chin wetting his hand and the wood under it, slipping through the carved runes, filling them with salty water before rolling down to the floor.

"Ivar?" Y/N's voice sounded at the door, but he didn't answer. Her voice sounded like one last strike, breaking the resistance of his internal walls and destroying the dam in his heart, releasing the pain like a wave that thickened his cry and opened his heart.

"My love... My sweet love..." she came closer and her warm embrace became cozy refuge to his shattered heart when the two of them slid to the ground, sitting in the middle of the small room, empty of the happiness it was built for.

His trembling fingers gripped on her clothes and his arms embraced her tight as she wrapped his shivering body into her gentle arms, hiding his face against her neck, holding his cry when hers was already slowly drying.

"Hush, my love... I'm here for you, my heart," she mumbled, gently lulling his body against her chest, allowing Ivar to cry his heart out and live the suffering he had held into himself behind the wall of an angry face since the moment that midwife declared his dream ended. "I'm here with you."

For a long time, he lied into her arms, crying their lost dreams and promises never fulfilled. His hand in her empty belly caressing what wasn't there anymore caused Y/N to cry with him and they finally shared the pain she had been carrying all by herself. Together, they mourned their beautiful unborn child and when the sun was gone, with it, were gone their tears.

"Whenever we're ready... I want this dream..." She mumbled, cupping his face.

And Ivar touched his forehead with hers, nuzzling his nose to hers before softly kissing her lips.

"Whenever we're ready, my love."

His beautiful Baldur was gone. And everything had wept for him. But it wasn't a curse... It was fate and it was gone. And whenever was ended the time for weep, maybe new smiles could be forged once again.

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[morganaseren]

So since chapter 17 of OtSttCA deals with Niamh meeting the Champion of Kirkwall, let me introduce you all to Emrys Hawke, my Reaver Warrior from DA2!

So she takes after her father Malcolm with the dark hair and light blue eyes (in my headcanon anyway). Her hair is like Niamh’s in that it’s more of an asymmetrical cut, but the length of it is less wavy in comparison. Honestly, I tend to headcanon that she used her sword to cut away most of the bulk of it one day post-Kirkwall when she goes into hiding. The rest of it is just kept in a ponytail that trails down to mid-back, which you can see a hint of in that last pic.

Of the scars she has, the one she has over the eye was courtesy of Meredith during their battle together. The one splitting the corner of her lip is actually from Aveline, who I believe was wearing gauntlets at the time. Did you guys know that Aveline throws you down to the floor and punches you repeatedly if your rival points are high enough?? In any case, Emrys let her get one good punch in before she retaliated, and the fight had to be stopped by Isabela surprisingly enough. Lol. The final scar across her cheek was when she was helping Isabela with a sea raid.

More background info on her below the cut!

Emrys has strong feelings over the concept of family.

Her father was a man she deeply respected. He went out of his way to help others--even when the situation usually meant putting himself in danger or leading them to move afterward--which she found admirable, and she wound up trying to do the same years later as she grew up. She took the loss of him as hard as the rest of her family, but she took up the mantle of watching after them without complaint, doing her best to provide for them all as she could on her soldier’s salary.

When it came to her mother, however, Emrys always had a somewhat distant relationship with her, who quietly disapproved of her learning the art of swordsmanship and later becoming a soldier. Leandra did eventually become more understanding of the notion when Emrys explained her need to want to be able to protect their family if Templars were ever after them. That never stopped the older woman from worrying constantly about her daughter’s safety though. When Carver died, their relationship became further strained, especially when Leandra impulsively blamed Emrys for the incident, but it was more or less amiable again by the time their family name was restored to nobility in Kirkwall. Leandra’s death still hit Emrys hard however, and although she supports mage freedom, she doesn’t care for the idea of blood magic--especially if it involves an unwilling subject--which is my personal headcanon as to why she’s so vehement about it in Inquisition.

With her siblings, she got along with both quite well. In fact, she was quite protective over them, and in her youth, it wasn’t uncommon for her to get into fights with anyone who thought they could harass the twins. It didn’t matter if Emrys was up against a bigger opponent or even outnumbered; she met them all head-on. Leandra berated her each and every time while Malcolm--and later Bethany--took to healing whatever wounds she sustained from the fights.

Emrys grew less impulsive as she aged, but of the two surviving Hawkes, Bethany is definitely the more level-headed sibling. Lol.

When Bethany inherited their father’s magical abilities, Emrys never really treated her any differently. She adored her little sister endlessly. If anything, she became more mindful of everyone else around her, especially when it came to the ever-watchful eyes of the Templars. As a soldier, she never hesitated to use the bulk of her body and armor to hide Bethany from view on the occasions her sister wanted to travel to the village, often to hear Leliana’s stories in the chantry. Then, she often escorted her sibling back home on her lunch break. Thankfully, people most just saw a protective sibling and never once thought she could be harboring an apostate in their midst.

Emrys was also close with her brother Carver, who followed after her in becoming a warrior, and she often helped him train. When he came of suitable age, he enlisted with the army as well, hoping to also help provide for their family. They had a healthy sibling rivalry, always constantly looking to test their skills against one another to improve upon their own. His loss not long after they escaped Lothering devastated her, and she blamed herself for his death for years afterward.

Personality-wise, she had more of a diplomatic leaning in my DA2 run of her, but she tends to be more playful around Bethany and their friends. It’s probably what drew Isabela to her, and Emrys was equally drawn in by the woman who was so bold and unapologetic in everything she did. The other woman encouraged her to be unafraid in indulging her more mischievous side--much to Bethany’s endless exasperation.

With the exception of Aveline--who she has a deep-seated rivalry with to say the least--Emrys tends to get along rather well with her companions. It admittedly took her longer to warm up to Fenris, especially when their first meeting almost turned disastrous after he called her sister ‘a viper’ and an ‘it.’ In the end, it took Bethany calming her down and Fenris apologizing before she allowed him to officially join her party. As a fellow warrior, she came to respect his skill greatly, and after a time, he was able to earn her loyalty, and she his in turn. While Emrys was closer to others within their close-knit group, she and Fenris developed an understanding of one another, so while they aren’t best friends, they do trust one another.

And if it wasn’t blatantly obvious in chapter 16 of OtSttCA, Bethany was part of Kirkwall’s Circle, and that’s how she ended up meeting and caring for the magelets Niamh meets. Thus, Bethany turning herself into the Templars after Emrys returns from the Deep Roads is probably one of the few times she came close to going against her little sister’s will.

That the then Knight-Captain Cullen and his Templar colleagues were able to escape Gamlen’s household unscathed at all was due in large part to Bethany outright begging her not to make matters worse. Emrys has always greatly respected Bethany’s autonomy and would never do anything to intentionally break that trust, but she couldn’t stop the sense of failure that washed over her following that moment, feeling as though she had lost another family member due to her own inability to protect them as she should.

In any case, Emrys has no love of Templars or what they represent to mages.

For a time, her friends were able to distract her from her abject misery, Isabela especially, who she entered into a casual relationship with. Emrys never pressed her for more--despite her own wishes to the contrary--knowing that the other woman would likely bolt were she to ask. To her chagrin, Isabela left anyway once she had the qunari artifact in hand, and while part of her wished to pursue the other woman, Emrys couldn’t bring herself to simply leave the city while her sister was still imprisoned in the Gallows.

Unfortunately, everything came to a head when the Arishok murdered the Viscount, and even when Isabela came back with the stolen Tome of Koslun, the qunari leader refused to leave without apprehending the thief in question. When Emrys argued against it, the Arishok offered her a compromise: a one-on-one duel to the death for Isabela.

She accepted the terms without question.

Infuriated, Isabela confronted Emrys immediately, asking her why she would place herself in such danger for her when the mistake was of her own doing.

“Because I don’t want to lose you again,” she said simply, stunning Isabela into silence, before striding off to meet the Arishok.

As expected, he was a warrior of great merit, and she was nearly done in by one of his blades as he impaled her. While the qunari thought his victory was all but assured with the wound he inflicted upon her, the sudden blood loss sent Emrys into the Reaver’s infamous dragon rage, enabling her to fight with such a frenzy that her opponent couldn’t hope to match. By the end of it, the massive qunari was cleaved in half with her greatsword. Unfortunately, her injury was so severe that had Anders, Merrill, and Bethany not been present to provide healing magic, she likely would’ve died.

The scar over her abdomen is the only evidence of her battle against the Arishok.

She was appointed as Champion of Kirkwall not long afterward, and she hoped to use her new position to help further the fight toward mage freedom, unaware that her activities were drawing attention to her sister still within the Circle... Then, things took a devastating turn with the destruction of Kirkwall’s chantry, thereby casting more fire into the resulting rebellion already raging throughout the city.

In the uneasy lull that followed with Meredith’s death, she asked her remaining companions and allies to scatter to the winds. With Isabela offering aid, Emrys then took Bethany along with the young charges under her care and went into hiding with them. She was able to stay with them for a time until she felt her presence was drawing far too much unwanted attention, especially with the Seekers now on her trail in addition to the Templars.

Emrys left her faithful mabari Rebel with them as a means of further protection before she actively drew attention to herself from Kirkwall’s remaining Templars, giving Bethany and the magelets the time needed to escape.

Despite her title, Emrys never returned to Kirkwall again.

She traveled with Isabela for some months, enjoying the soft, quiet moments with her as much as the more sensual ones, but when the Hands of the Divine began to close in on her location as well, she had no choice but to go into further seclusion again to protect her lover.

When she heard word that the Herald of Andraste was a mage who later became Inquisitor, she secretly sent word to a few of her companions, asking them to help get Bethany and the magelets back to Ferelden. There, she hoped they would be safe with the Inquisition, especially following the very public alliance offered to Redcliffe’s rebel mages.

What happens following that decision will be revealed in future chapters, but post-Trespasser, Emrys goes back to sailing the seas with Isabela, for like Niamh, she has lost enough, and there is nothing in all Thedas that could keep her from being with the one she loves most.

[cruelangelstheses]

louder than the maker’s revolver (and twice as shiny) - chapter 1: look alive, sunshine

fandom: dragon age rating: M characters: isabela/f!hawke, bethany/merrill, anders/fenris/m!hawke words (total): 6.5k words (this chapter): 6.5k additional tags: fabulous killjoys au, post-apocalypse, twin hawkes, slow burn, mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, canon-typical violence description: in which an eight-person gang of rebels living in the desert pisses off the government, firefights are lost and won, homoerotic wound-dressing is commonplace, bonds are forged and broken and reforged, feelings are hard, fighting a powerful and corrupt institution is slightly less hard, and everyone is just trying to survive, to heal, to find their way. (or, “the da2 killjoy au nobody asked for”) a/n: ITS STILL 2019 OUT WEST I MADE IT!!! ok so. [cracks knuckles] this is an AU fic based on the universe created in my chemical romance's album “danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys” (and gerard way's subsequent comics) about rebels in the desert fighting a corrupt government post-apocalypse. the album starts/takes place in the year 2019 which is why i wanted to get this fic out before the year ends. while the general setting and terms are the same, no characters from the killjoy universe will appear and everything else is a more loose interpretation. you do not have to be familiar with my chem or the killjoy universe to read this. (for those who know the story, this fic takes place in the year 2030, so after the original “fab four” have died but before the events of the comics, during a sort of “lull” in the action you could say)

a key feature of the killjoy universe is the usage of “killjoy names,” usually one or two-word phrases that relate to the person, and often the person created the name themself - the original four are party poison, fun ghoul, jet star, and kobra kid. i've given each member of the crew a killjoy name (see below) that the other characters will usually use in dialogue (except for characters who knew each other before they became killjoys and got names), but i will use their real names for the most part in narration so you don't forget who's who

ANYWAY i've been planning this fic for a whole year now and it's gonna be a FUN RIDE !!!! i've left a guide at the end for the killjoy names (not all of them are mentioned in this chapter though). i tried my best to explain what certain terms mean in this chapter but they will all be expanded upon more throughout the fic!! ALSO some of characters might end up aged down a little bit because people in the zones tend not to live very long and someone in their early to mid 40s is considered like, ancient in the comics. bethany and carver are still 19 though, the others might just be adjusted in proportion

thank u for reading, i love ensemble casts and da2 and mcr and rebellion and also being gay. fic title and chapter title come from “look alive, sunshine” (by mcr of course lol)

read it on ao3

—

Bethany has never been one to complain, but she has to admit, her knee hurts like a bitch.

The rest of the Birds take down the remaining Draculoids fairly easily, so she doesn’t feel as bad about having to hide crouched behind a crate on the ground. If there were more of them, or if there was a Scarecrow, she’d probably try to keep fighting despite her injury, but this is just a small, unlucky group of Dracs, leaderless and mindless in their pursuit of one of the biggest gangs in the Zones. Perhaps a Scarecrow would have ordered them not to try to fight a group of eight fairly seasoned Killjoys.

When the guns stop firing and the Dracs lie dead in the desert sand, Isabela’s voice floats over. “You know, Blondie, a smoke bomb would’ve helped.”

Anders sighs. Bethany can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Those things don’t grow on trees, you know. And even if they did, it’s not like we have many trees out here. You think I want to waste them on a group like that? We got rid of them just fine.”

Bethany peers out from behind the crate just in time to see Isabela shrug and gesture to her. “Well, at the very least, it might’ve saved Sunshine from being shot.”

At that, Carver seems to snap to attention. “Bethany’s hurt?”

Now it’s Bethany’s turn to sigh. Gingerly stretching her leg out and trying not to wince, she says, “It’s not that bad, Carver.”

Marian huffs, shoving her red-and-black ray gun back into its holster. “‘Not that bad,’ my ass.” She sounds angry, but there’s an edge of worry to her voice that Bethany knows like the back of her hand. “A few more shots like that and you’d have been dusted for sure.”

“But I wasn’t,” Bethany replies. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Anders rummaging through their supplies for the first aid kit.

“But you could’ve been,” Carver adds, crossing his arms and glaring at Marian as if she had something to do with the injury.

Marian scowls defensively. “What are you looking at me for? I was killing Dracs! Maybe if you weren’t so busy trying to show off at every opportunity, you could protect her better!” She sneers out the word protect.

“Maybe if you actually thought before you acted for once in your life—”

“Hey!”

Garrett’s voice rings out above everything else, so loud and firm that for a split second it feels like the whole world stops. These are the moments when Garrett Hawke is at his most serious and his most powerful: when he’s breaking up an argument between Carver and Marian.

“How about instead of blaming each other for Bethany’s injury,” he says, his hands held up in an appeasing manner, “we set up camp here and rest for the evening?”

Marian and Carver exchange glances. After a pause, it’s Marian that says, “Fine.”

The place in question is an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Zone Four, not so remote that it’s off the map, but remote enough that there aren’t a whole lot of Dracs crawling around (and even fewer now that they’ve taken care of this group). A few empty crates and barrels litter the ground surrounding it, some knocked over or zapped from previous firefights. Other than that, there are no recent signs of life—which means it’s a perfect place for the Birds of Passage to recuperate.

Bethany pushes herself to her feet, using the top of the crate to balance herself. Her knee hurts even more when she tries to stretch it out or place any weight on it, but she’ll be damned if she lets anyone help her.

“Are you alright?”

Well...almost anyone.

She lifts her head up at the sound of Merrill’s lilting voice. The girl’s black hair is plastered to her tattooed and sweat-covered face, not long enough to pull up into a ponytail like Bethany’s, but just long enough to get in the way. “I can help you get inside, if you want,” she says, holding her hand out. “Then we can take a look at it, get it all wrapped up.”

For a moment, Bethany just stares at her, searching her face for any signs of pity. Instead she finds only sincere concern for a companion, the same as it would be if any of the others were injured. With a nod, she lets Merrill wrap an arm around her shoulders and guide her slowly into the warehouse. She can feel the eyes of the rest of the group on them, some more subtle than others, but she knows deep down that they’re just making sure she’s okay. Like it or not, she and Carver are the youngest, and though he tries so obviously hard to act like he isn’t, there are still moments where the others look at him and remember that he’s only nineteen, too—moments like right now, as he paces agitatedly across the floor, looking like he’s never been more stressed in his life.

“Carver,” Bethany calls as Merrill helps her sit up against the wall, her legs stretched out. “I’ll be fine.” She laughs a little despite the stinging pain. “It’s not like we’ll have to amputate it or anything.”

Anders kneels down beside her, first aid kit in hand and a good-natured smile on his face. “We might.”

Merrill smacks his arm. “Don’t scare them!” she hisses as she sits down next to Bethany.

Garrett turns to Carver, cool and composed. “She’s fine,” he says matter-of-factly, a playful smirk on his face. “If it were really that bad, none of us would be joking.”

Carver snorts. “You might.”

Garrett puts a hand to his chest in mock offense. “Dear brother, you wound me.”

Merrill giggles as she watches them, her gaze soft. “Your siblings remind me of my family sometimes,” she says as Anders begins cleaning and dressing the wound. “Well-intentioned, but sometimes they need to be reminded that you’re an adult, same as them.”

Bethany nods. If there’s anyone that understands her, it’s Merrill. “To be fair,” she says quietly, “sometimes I need to be reminded of that, too.”

Merrill turns to look at her, pushing a few strands of hair out of her face. “Then I’ll remind you,” she says. “You’re a grown woman. You don’t have to always agree or go along with them. You can stand up for yourself like anyone else.”

Bethany nods again, unable to stop a faint smile from breaking through. Anders doesn’t say anything, but she can see the blush on his face, as if he’s just witnessed something he feels he wasn’t meant to see.

—

The Hawkes are only on the run for a month or two before they meet their first recruit (and fifth member).

Well, perhaps “on the run” isn’t the right phrase. All Killjoys are technically “on the run” from Better Living Industries—it comes with the whole “openly rebelling against your corrupt government” thing. But it doesn’t really feel like running. It feels like surviving. Every Killjoy knows it’s dangerous to stay in one place for too long.

Still, they’re traveling a lot more than they did when their parents were both still alive. Growing up in the Zones outside of Battery City, away from BLI brainwashing, the Hawke children learned how to thrive in the desert fairly quickly, which meant that their family was able to more easily live off the land for longer periods of time.

Now, though, after selling most of their belongings, they live out of their car, a black 1969 Chevy Camaro convertible, spray-painted with two red stripes down the sides and a red bird symbol on the hood (courtesy of Garrett). In honor of their surname as well as their living situation, they’ve christened themselves the Birds of Passage.

For obvious reasons, one of their most common pit stops is one of several Dead Pegasus gas stations littering the Zones. The siblings usually draw straws to determine which one of them has to pump the gas.

“Damn! Again?” Carver says, staring at the short straw between his fingers in disbelief. Frowning, he starts to open the left-side car door. “Just my luck.”

In the driver’s seat, Marian reaches into the back and pats Carver on the shoulder, a smirk on her face. “You’ll live. Now go.” With that, she gives him a light shove out the door. Carver snorts.

As he starts pumping the gas, Marian absentmindedly surveys the area, not really expecting to see anything out of the ordinary. Out of the corner of her eye, though, she spots someone she’s never seen before at one of the other fuel pumps: a petite girl filling up a black and forest green motorbike.

Bethany seems to notice her at the same time. “Who’s that?”

Garrett strokes his beard, like an asshole. “No idea.”

“Let’s find out.” Before anyone else can respond, Marian hops out of the car, popping the collar of her black leather jacket. She’s mostly tuned Garrett out at this point, but she thinks she can hear him warn her not to scare the poor girl. He underestimates her ability to be charming rather than terrifying.

The first thing Marian notices is that the girl dresses like a Killjoy. Her brown boots have flowers painted on the sides, and her acid-washed jeans are ripped and dirty. The back of her denim vest features a large daisy with white petals and a yellow center, and in the center is a radiation hazard symbol.

“Nice logo,” Marian says as she approaches.

The girl yelps in surprise, nearly dropping the gas pump in her hands. When she turns around, Marian sees that her face is adorned with branch- or root-like tattoos on her cheeks, forehead, and chin. “Oh!” she says, clearly taken aback. “Uh…thank you.”

Marian can practically hear Garrett’s “I told you so” from the Camaro. Holding a hand up, she says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Somehow, her voice still comes out sounding gruff and vaguely threatening.

“Oh, that’s alright,” the girl replies, leaning against her motorcycle and seeming to relax a little. “I was just filling up Feathers.”

Marian raises an eyebrow. “Strange name for a motorcycle.”

The girl blushes. “Well, I named it after a pet I had when I was younger.”

“Oh,” Marian says, nodding. That makes a bit more sense. “A bird?”

The girl laughs a little and shakes her head. “Oh, no, it was a lizard. I always wanted a bird so I could name it Feathers. But I grew up in the Zones, and there aren’t many birds out here. Lots of lizards, though.” She gives Marian a lopsided smile. “I took what I could get.”

Marian can’t help it; she laughs, though in the back of her mind, she wonders why she’s never seen this girl before, if she grew up in the Zones.

“Oh! I’m so sorry,” the girl says, her green eyes widening. “I didn’t mean to ramble. I didn’t even introduce myself.” She holds out a hand, both of which are covered in long, fingerless fishnet gloves that end near her elbows. “Deadly Daisy. Daisy for short. Or you can just call me Merrill. I don’t mind.”

That explains the logo. “Kitty Hawke,” Marian replies, shaking Merrill’s hand firmly.

Merrill nods and starts to speak again, but something behind Marian makes her stop and narrow her eyes in confusion. “Who—?”

Marian glances over her shoulder and nearly jumps out of her shoes. Not one, not two, but all three of her siblings have decided to join the conversation.

“Firebird,” Garrett says, bowing dramatically—so dramatically, in fact, that it makes his stupid sunglasses fall off his face. Garrett has a habit of collecting weird sunglasses and goggles and such. This particular pair has bright orange lenses, which Marian is pretty sure do nothing to block out the sun, and flames sticking out on either side.

Marian rolls her eyes. “My twin brother,” she explains. “It seems I stole all his brain cells in the womb.”

Garrett blows a raspberry at her as he picks his sunglasses off the ground and uses his shirt to wipe off the sand and dirt.

Bethany steps forward, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ears, one of her nervous habits. “Midnight Sun,” she says with a tiny smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Oh! You, too!” Merrill says. Gesturing to Carver, who has yet to say anything, she asks, “Who’s the grumpy one?”

“I’m not—” Carver starts, but he cuts himself off at the sound of his siblings’ snickering. “Fantom Fighter,” he says, his face heating up. “Two Fs.” He turns around and gestures to the two large black Fs painted on the back of his jean jacket. Then, gesturing to Bethany, he adds, “I’m her twin brother.”

Bethany chuckles. “And we’re all siblings.”

Merrill cups her hands over her face. “Oh, my goodness.”

Marian clears her throat. “Anyway,” she says, side-eyeing Garrett, “why are you guys even here?”

Garrett throws his hands up. “Don’t look at me! I am but a slave to the whims of our younger siblings!”

Bethany and Carver exchange embarrassed glances, then both turn to glare at Garrett. Marian sighs. They’re all a mess.

“Oh, well, I shouldn’t keep you,” Merrill says, patting the side of her motorcycle. “Feathers and I can get moving, if you all need to leave.”

That catches Marian’s attention. “Wait, you’re traveling alone?” She hadn’t seen anyone else around, but she’d assumed that Merrill had at least one companion somewhere, perhaps inside the shitty convenience store connected to the gas station.

Merrill nods. “I was raised by neutrals,” she says—people who live outside Battery City, but don’t openly rebel against BLI. “I didn’t become a Killjoy until just recently. I haven’t really found a group yet.”

That explains why Marian’s never seen her before. Neutrals tend to stay out of the way unless they run a business, like their friend Varric.

“That’s dangerous, you know,” Carver says, but he sounds less matter-of-fact and more concerned. “You’re a lot more likely to get ghosted by yourself.”

Merrill sighs. “I know. But what am I supposed to do? Invite myself to tag along with the next Killjoy gang I see?”

Garrett shrugs. “Why not? You could tag along with us.”

To be fair, Marian had been thinking that, too, in the back of her mind, but it still stuns her to actually hear it spoken.

Merrill’s eyes widen with hope. “That would be wonderful, but I wouldn’t want to impose…”

Instinctively, Marian and her siblings all turn to look at each other, none of them saying anything, just glancing back and forth with various facial expressions ranging from embarrassment to uncertainty to excitement. Finally, Marian turns back to Merrill and says, “You wouldn’t be imposing. We’d be glad to have you join us.”

Merrill gasps. “Oh, thank you! You won’t regret it, I promise!”

Bethany smiles. “Welcome to the Birds of Passage, Daisy.”

(At the use of Merrill’s Killjoy name, Marian briefly wonders just how long her siblings had been eavesdropping before Merrill noticed them.)

“We’re headed to one of the outer Zones for the evening,” Carver explains. “You could follow us on your bike until we find a place to set up camp.”

“Oh, perfect!” Merrill says. “I’ve been meaning to head that way. Too many Dracs this close to Bat City.”

When the Hawkes climb back into the Camaro, Marian steals a glance at Merrill in the rearview mirror, watches as their newfound companion unties a green bandana from her belt loop and wraps it around her head to keep her hair out of her face. When Marian steps on the gas pedal and tears out of the Dead Pegasus parking lot, the roar of the motorcycle lets her know that Deadly Daisy is right behind them.

—

Fenris doesn’t sleep well that night.

Granted, Fenris doesn’t sleep well most nights, but for some reason, the night after Bethany gets shot in the leg is particularly bad. Maybe it’s the hard concrete floor of the warehouse, which no amount of blankets or cushions can completely alleviate. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s lying only a few feet away from Garrett, who sleeps like a log and snores like a chainsaw. Maybe it’s the pain in his shoulder from an injury a few days prior.

Or maybe it’s the fact that tonight, his nightmares are worse than usual. Tonight, when he dreams, he is alone, but worse than that: the bodies of his fellow Killjoys lie dead at his feet, glassy eyes wide, their hands still on the triggers of their guns. Draculoids—more Dracs than he’s ever seen at one time—close in on him, zombielike in the way they reach for him, pull at him from every angle, pin him to the ground and snarl in his face. He’d fight if he could, fight with everything he has, but his body is stiff and frozen, and no amount of willpower can force even his mouth to move. For a man with an aversion to closeness and touching, and painful tattoos from BL/ind experimentation, the sensation of being trapped makes him feel like he’s about to vomit.

It’s when they pull out a Drac mask and shove it over his head that he wakes up gasping for breath.

It takes a few minutes for his body to relax and his heart to stop pounding in his ears. Fenris can see the faintest bit of morning light trickling through the windows—he’d guess that it’s around five o’clock—and concludes that attempting to get a decent amount of sleep will probably be a fruitless endeavor. Sighing and forcing himself to sit upright, he reaches into the small backpack beside him and pulls out a Killjoy-made magazine that they snagged at the last gas stop.

The zine is filled with artwork of desert landscape and rebels fighting BL/ind, accompanied by writing—a few short stories and poems, a few articles and essays, all about the highs and lows of revolution. It’s a perfect representation of life in the Zones, every copy made by hand, since few (if any) Killjoys have access to a working printer. However many were made, probably no more than twenty, the artists and authors must have had to redraw and rewrite their work. Two Polaroid photos are taped to the inside cover, one of a Dead Pegasus gas station at sunset, the other of two female Killjoys kissing, with their names listed at the bottom. There are probably different photos in every copy, likely taken from the same photographer, someone lucky enough to have access to a working Polaroid camera (though Fenris concedes that it’s actually not too difficult to find batteries out here, though they might be half-empty).

He’s so focused on flipping through the zine that he doesn’t realize anyone else is awake—at least, not until the sound of someone sitting down next to him nearly makes him jump out of his skin.

“Sorry,” Anders whispers, holding a hand up. Behind him, the orange light of the sunrise creates a halo around his blond head. “I assume you couldn’t sleep, either?”

Fenris makes a noncommittal grunt, enough to give Anders his answer, but curt enough to hopefully get his I don’t want to talk about it message across. He’d rather not have to even think about the nightmares that his subconscious assaults him with, let alone explain them.

“Alright,” Anders says with an understanding nod. He glances over at the zine, skimming the page Fenris has it open to with clear interest.

Fenris holds it out for him to take. “You can look through it.”

Anders hesitates for a moment before obliging. Fenris watches his face as he flips through the pages. The brilliant poetry and detailed artwork seem to fill him with awe, similar to what Fenris felt browsing the zine’s contents, but there’s something else, too, something deeper—something like longing.

“I wanted to tell you something,” Anders says finally, slowly closing the booklet. “I just remembered, and I think you deserve to know.” He glances over at the windows, and the sun shines on his pale face, reflecting off of his gold earring. Without looking at Fenris, he says, “You have a sister, named Varania.”

Fenris blinks in surprise. A sister? Anders apparently knew him when they both lived in Battery City, before BLI wiped Fenris’s mind—or reprogrammed him, as they like to call it. It’s times like these that make him feel like Anders knows him better than he himself does. “And you’re just now telling me this?” Fenris says in an attempt to mask his bewilderment. A sister. He has a sister.

“You only mentioned her once or twice,” Anders says. “It was the last thing on my mind. But something reminded me of it this morning, so I figured I’d tell you.” He shrugs. “I don’t know much else about her. But I know she’s still alive, or she was by the time I left Bat City.”

Sister. Sister. Sister. His brain repeats it so often that it no longer really feels like a word. He knows he’d be angry if Anders had kept this hidden from him, but at the same time, he’s not really sure what he’s supposed to do with the information. She’s probably still in Battery City, which means it’s too late and far too dangerous to go back and search for her, or even attempt to write a letter to her.

Still, he feels like he has to say something. “Well,” he mumbles, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Thank you. For telling me.” Then, tilting his head to the side, he adds, “May I ask what reminded you?”

Anders sighs and pushes a few loose strands of hair out of his face. “She appeared in a dream last night.”

Fenris doesn’t expect it to hurt, but it does, just a little. To think that he doesn’t even know what his own sister looks like, while a man who barely knows anything about her sees her in his dreams.

Abruptly, Anders hands the zine back to him and stands up, covering his eyes with a hand to block out the sun. Fenris glances down at the page he left open: a poem written in an angry hand, calling for revolution, calling for justice.

—

Varric Tethras is what people in the Zones call a “neutral.” He doesn’t wear the flashy clothes, he goes by his real name, and he tends to stay in one spot minding his own business rather than get into fights with Draculoids. He has his own little gas station convenience store in Zone Three and is an expert at aiding Killjoys without giving BLI a reason to go after him. In short, he’s the perfect person to go to when there’s trouble, and there’s always trouble.

The trouble this time has nothing to do with BL/ind, for once; about five miles away from Varric’s shop, the Camaro broke down, so Marian had to jump start it using Merrill’s motorcycle, and now they’re hanging out in the store while she tries to fix the car.

Garrett frowns as he glances out the window at the setting sun. “We might have to camp out here for the night, Varric.” It’s not the first time, and he knows Varric doesn’t mind, but he still feels bad about it.

Varric waves a hand nonchalantly. “Yeah, I figured,” he says from behind the store counter, where he seems to be digging through some junk he’s stored underneath. Varric is a whopping four-foot-eight, so the chair he uses to reach the counter makes most other people who sit in it look like giants. Merrill finds a particular delight in this, and she’s so sweet that anyone would feel terrible asking her to get off of it, even Marian, which has been an especially interesting phenomenon to witness.

As if on cue, the front door swings open, and there stands Marian, covered in grease and wearing nothing but a sports bra and ripped black shorts. “I’m turning in for the night,” she says as she waltzes into the shop, letting the door slam shut behind her. “Round two starts in the morning.”

Garrett watches as she heads into the bathroom to wash herself off. Carver came in from practicing his shooting about a half hour ago (and is currently sitting on the floor eating potato chips), so now they’re all inside for the evening. Bethany’s been drawing quietly, her brow furrowed in concentration as she sits on the worn couch in one of the back rooms, and Garrett and Merrill have been making their own fun out front. The store is Varric’s home, so he had to get creative with the few extra rooms.

Garrett is wandering aimlessly through the little aisles, examining various snacks, all stamped with the BLI logo, when he hears the front door open, and in walks possibly the most gorgeous Killjoy Garrett has ever seen.

The first thing he notices is the shock of silver-white hair, the way the undercut contrasts against the man’s brown skin. The dim light of the store reflects against his leather jacket and his surprisingly wide eyes. When he takes a few steps forward, a chain hanging from his black jeans—yes, jeans, in the desert—makes a jangling sound, and his heavy footsteps suggest combat boots. He looks like he just walked out of a mosh pit, but that’s not what intrigues Garrett the most. No, what really catches his attention is the pale white tattoos that stretch from the man’s bottom lip down into his chest and out to the tips of his fingers—they almost seem to glow. “Varric?” the man calls in a deep voice as he surveys the area.

Varric pops his head out from the back of the store. “Oh-ho! Long time no see, Wolfy!”

The man rolls his eyes at the nickname and leans awkwardly against one of the snack aisles. “I see you are having a sleepover,” he says slowly as he eyes each of the Birds suspiciously (save for Marian, who is still washing up, thankfully). Bethany walks out into the store to see him better, and Garrett flashes him his best good-natured smile, causing the man to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Their car broke down not far from here,” Varric explains as he walks out from behind the store counter. “And because I’m just so charitable, I let them stay for the night.” That’s his way of saying that they’re friends.

“Hm.” The man makes his way through the store, seemingly on edge, like he’s keenly aware of the way the Birds glance his way out of the corners of their eyes, pretending that they’re not looking at him. Eventually, Garrett gives up on trying to be inconspicuous and plops down in a chair pushed up against one wall, allowing himself to stare openly. He’s never been good with subtlety.

Suddenly Marian’s voice rings out through the shop. “Who’s this?”

Varric clears his throat. “Birds of Passage, allow me to formally introduce you to the Painted Wolf. He’s kind of new, doesn’t have a gang to roll with yet.”

The Painted Wolf looks away, not making eye contact as he wanders into another aisle where he can’t as easily be seen. “I think I would prefer to keep it that way. No offense.”

After a few beats of silence, Merrill says from her place on top of the chair behind the store counter, “You have tattoos, like me.”

Instinctively, almost as if he was expecting it, the Wolf replies, “But you received yours willingly, I’ll wager.”

Merrill blinks in surprise. “Well. Yes, I did. You mean you didn’t?”

The Painted Wolf does not respond, just runs a hand through his hair and takes a breath through his nose.

Garrett frowns a little and stands back up, making his way over to where Marian is still standing in front of the bathroom door, her arms crossed. “Don’t tell me,” she says quietly. “You think we should let him come with us.”

Garrett shrugs. “Well, why not? He doesn’t have anyone. And he’s…intriguing.”

Marian rolls her eyes. “You’re just saying that because you think he’s hot.”

“I do not,” Garrett lies, but his face heats up, giving him away. “Okay, well, maybe I do, but that’s not the only reason.”

Marian shakes her head. “He doesn’t seem too keen on making friends. I mean, he just said he’d rather be alone. Also, what you call ‘intriguing’ I call ‘suspicious.’ The man’s got secrets.”

“So do we,” Garrett says, though at the moment he can’t think of anything particularly damning. If nothing else, he’s sure Carver’s got something embarrassing.

“You being gay doesn’t count as a secret when you gawk at any man that isn’t related to us,” Marian says, a tiny smirk forming on her face.

“That’s not what I meant!” Garrett says. He can feel his face turning even redder. He needs to find a way to get Marian on his side, and if he can’t do it with emotion, then maybe he can do it with logic. “Seriously, I think we should talk to him. He’s a new Killjoy, but he looks way more experienced than most newbies. He might even be older than us. I’d be willing to bet he knows something about BL/ind. I just think he’d be good to have on our side. And it’s not like he has to stay with us forever.”

Marian seems to think it over for a long time. It’s different than it was with Merrill. Unlike the Wolf, Merrill had expressed a clear interest in finding a group to fall in with, and the Birds just happened to be the first ones to click with her. Also, Marian is a lesbian and about ten times more suspicious of men than she is of women as a general rule, which is fair, but it makes these things difficult sometimes. Finally, she says, “Fine. If you can convince him, then I’m game. I can go tell the others.” She cracks her knuckles. “At the very least, he looks like he knows something worth knowing.”

Garrett holds his hands up. “Well, hopefully you won’t have to beat it out of him, so you can stop with the threatening looks.”

Marian snorts. “Just asserting my dominance, my dear little brother.” She reaches forward and musses his hair.

Garrett shakes his head as he starts to head over to the other side of the store, where the Wolf is standing. He doesn’t bother pointing out that she’s only older than him by nine minutes, because she’ll hang those nine minutes over his head until the day they die.

The Painted Wolf looks up from the magazine he’s been flipping through. “Let me guess,” he says. “You want me to join your gang.”

Garrett smiles sheepishly. “What can I say? We think you’d be a good addition to the team.”

The Wolf frowns and puts the magazine back on the rack. “You barely know anything about me.”

“I know you’re a Killjoy traveling alone, and that’s enough for me,” Garrett says, and it’s the truth. Killjoys stick together. It’s the law of the desert. It’s how they survive.

The Wolf narrows his eyes. “I already said I prefer to be alone.”

Garrett folds his arms over his chest, allowing his knowledge of the Zones to give him confidence. “That’s how I can tell you’re new,” he says. “Rule number one of making it as a Killjoy: find a gang. Hordes of Dracs are less likely to target larger groups, and even if they do, you have a better chance of making it out alive when you’re not alone. If you watch our backs, we’ll watch yours.”

The Wolf nods slowly, as if this just confirmed something he already suspected. “You watch our backs, we’ll watch yours,” he repeats to himself. “It’s...a sentiment I am not entirely familiar with.”

“I figured you were from Bat City,” Garrett says, stroking his beard thoughtfully. (Carver and Marian like to make fun of him when he does that. Marian says it makes him look like an asshole.)

The Wolf nods again. “The sense of camaraderie was one of the things that drew me to the Zones, and to the Killjoy lifestyle specifically. But until now, I suppose I have been too wary to actively engage in it.”

Garrett raises an eyebrow, careful not to show too much excitement. “Until now, you say?”

The Wolf gives the softest chuckle, his mouth curving briefly upward. “Perhaps you have a point about me traveling alone. BL/ind knows that I left Battery City; no doubt they’re looking for me. It...would be prudent to join a larger group, at least for a little while.”

Garrett allows himself the beginnings of a grin. “It definitely would.”

The Wolf clears his throat. “I...never got your name,” he says, fingers playing mindlessly with the hem of his jacket.

“Firebird,” Garrett replies, holding a hand out for him to shake.

The Wolf looks at it for a moment before responding. “Well, then, Firebird,” he says slowly, “if you’ll have me, I would like to travel with you and your gang.”

“I certainly would love to have you,” Garrett replies, only realizing how strange it sounds once the words are out of his mouth. His face heats up. “I...I didn’t mean it like—”

Across the room, Marian calls, “Real smooth.” Garrett flips her off.

An awkward little smile forms on the Wolf’s face. “I know what you meant,” he says, but if Garrett isn’t mistaken, he’s blushing, too.

—

A few days later, Varric, whose talents include knowing everything that’s happening in the Zones, says, “So I got a tip that there’s someone after you guys.”

Isabela rolls her eyes and leans against the counter, conscious of the way her ripped white jean shorts ride up her ass—she’s doing it on purpose, and she peers over her shoulder to make sure Marian’s watching. “Someone’s always after us, Varric. This isn’t new.”

“No, like a major someone,” Varric replies. “Does the name Meredith Stannard mean anything to any of you?”

The Birds exchange glances from their various positions throughout the shop. They’ve all heard the name, but only Fenris and Anders seem to know who she is. Makes sense, since they’re the only ones who have actually lived in Battery City and seen BL/ind’s inner workings up close.

“She’s a Scarecrow, right?” Marian says from behind Isabela. She steps forward and takes a large sip out of her Neptune Pop can. “Isn’t that all we need to know?”

“She isn’t just any old Scarecrow,” Fenris says as he examines the shelves for more food. “She is one of the Director’s favorites—very high-ranking, always flanked by six or more Draculoids and sometimes other Scarecrows. I have known a few BL/ind workers who do not wish to kill, but do so because they fear the consequences of disobeying.” He shakes his head, speaking calmly but severely. “Meredith is not one of them. She kills out of hate and nothing less. She views it as her duty, a mission she will carry out until the day she dies. I suggest taking her seriously. She has slaughtered many of you.”

The way he refers to Killjoys isn’t lost on Isabela. It’s been a little less than a year, she thinks, since he left Battery City and joined the rebels in the Zones, but he still seems hesitant to identify himself as one of them. He still refers to them as you instead of us.

His words send a brief chill down Isabela’s spine, but she shakes it off and looks up at Marian to gauge her reaction. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t seem fazed.

“It doesn’t matter how many of us she’s killed,” she says. The piercings in her left ear gleam in the light from the windows. “She bleeds just like the rest of us, and she’ll die just like the rest of us.”

Varric holds a hand up. “Fair point, I suppose. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. My source says Meredith considers you guys one of the most dangerous gangs in the Zones. That means one of her biggest priorities is wiping you out. Just...be careful.”

“Careful is my middle name,” Marian says as she finishes her Neptune Pop, crushes the can in one hand, and launches it across the store, causing Anders to duck because of his ridiculously long bird legs. The can lands in the garbage bin with a loud crash.

Marian grins. It’s lopsided, and her teeth are crooked and stained with soda, but it just makes Isabela want to kiss that alluring, imperfect mouth even more.

“I thought your middle name was Selene,” Merrill says from her designated spot in Varric’s chair. They call it the Tallening Chair.

Marian’s face softens, and her cheeks turn pink as she gently explains to Merrill that it’s a figure of speech. Isabela watches in silence until Marian suddenly turns to her, lightly smacks her ass, and says with a playful glint in her eyes, “Well, back to business.”

Isabela smirks. Works every time.

—

It only takes half an hour for Marian’s nonchalance about Meredith Stannard to come back and bite her in the ass.

“Guys!”

Garrett bursts through the front door of Varric’s shop, his eyes wide and panicked. He’d been outside restocking the trunk with supplies. “I think we’ve got company.”

Marian peers outside, and the rest of the Birds do the same. Sure enough, veering into the parking lot are two white vans with the Better Living Industries symbol emblazoned on their doors.

Shit.

In a flash, they all whip out their ray guns and rush outside just in time to see a horde of Dracs pouring out of the vans. Then, from the passenger seat of one of the vans, a woman climbs out. She’s tall, blonde, and middle-aged, and her eyes seem to pierce right through them.

“Ah,” she says as the Dracs line up behind her, brandishing their plain white ray guns. “The notorious Birds of Passage, or so you call yourselves.” As she speaks, she pulls out her own weapon and seems to aim it straight at Marian. “It looks as though you’ve been expecting me.”

For a moment, the two groups just stand there silently, revolvers pointed at one another, a classic example of a Mexican standoff. It feels like the air has been sucked out of the atmosphere, like the atoms themselves have stopped moving completely. Then Meredith snaps her fingers with her free hand, and the desert explodes in gunfire.

——

killjoy names: garrett - firebird marian - kitty hawke bethany - midnight sun carver - fantom fighter merrill - deadly daisy anders - nuclear blonde isabela - storm chaser fenris - the painted wolf

[armory-rasa]

Hello Gabriel! First of all, I want to say I really love your work! It's really inspiring and detailed! I wanted to ask how you set up your own business, because it seems really hard to start working and then actually get costumers. Did you make a portfolio, or was it word of mouth? I don't know if you've written about this before, so sorry if I'm just asking again. :)

Short answer: lol, I started my own business because I’m really bad at convincing people to hire me.

Long answer: STRAP IN! (This is probably more backstory than you wanted, but I promise I’ll have some advice about the how-to at the end)

So I mentioned that the first leatherworking I did was for the Hawke cosplay, and that came out reasonably well. Then a friend of mine was like, “Hey, you should use your skillz make me some leather handcuffs” and I was like, Hokay. So when people ask “How’d you get started selling kink gear?” my smartass answer is “Because D-rings come in packs of ten not packs of two.” I made a pair for my friend…. and then made four more pairs, because else what was I going to do with D-rings? And then I made an Etsy store and put them up for sale, because what use had I for four pairs of handcuffs?

…and people bought them. o_O I was like, Can you guys not see that I have sold ZERO things before? Why do you trust me to actually deliver the goods? What makes you think I have ANY idea what I’m doing??

So that was a thing that was going on in the background – I added a basic collar to my inventory and started making them in colors that you don’t normally see kink gear in, which a lot of people quite liked, and it was a nice bit of side cash, enough that the hobby was paying for itself.

Then my lawyer (who was not at that time a lawyer) moved out to California for law school and she was like “You should come to California with me, because it’s better than Texas” and I was like, Hokay. And everyone was telling me, Ohhhh, but the job market in California is so bad!, and I was like, Nah, I’ll be fine, yo.

…Aha... ahaha, about that. I wound up in a totally above-board but very sketchy-sounding arrangement with one of her professors in which my official job title was “houseboy.” We met at a gay bar called Headhunters where he was like–

The professor: “So what do you do?” Me: “I’m looking for a job.”The professor: “I’m looking for someone to clean my hot tub! I’ll start you at $12/hr.”Me: “Hokay.”

So between running his odd jobs and the money I was making selling kink gear (about $2000 over the course of that first year), I was keeping myself afloat.

Then The Hobbit happened.

I saw the posters, thought Kili was hot, decided to take a stab at his bracers. I finished the first one just before we left to go see the movie, tossed it up in the shop – and it sold before we even got out of the movie.

That was when the floodgates opened and practically overnight, leatherworking went from being a sideline gig to being my fulltime job. (To wit: I made $250 in December 2012 and *$3,500* in January 2013. That’s more money in one month than I’d made doing leatherworking the entire previous year.) People were buying Kili bracers by the dozen, and flooding me with inquiries asking, Can you do Fili’s bracers? Can you do Thorin’s bracers? Can you do Thorin’s belt? Can you do Kili’s quiver? Can you do Legolas’s bracers?

And I was like, Hokay. (The professor was bemused, and only slightly grumpy at how I suddenly had less time for him.)

Granted, that kind of boom doesn’t last, as I would learn subsequently. There’s a rush of interest when something is new, but nothing sustains that level of demand forever. I got really lucky because I happened to jump onto the Hobbit bandwagon right as it was kicking off, so my bracers were out there first, the first thing people saw when they went googling for Hobbit cosplay. Relatively few other costumers ever even bothered to make the pieces that would be competing with mine, since I’d already done them, and done them very well, (and was doing it really cheap since I didn’t know the value of my labor then), so for a while I was about the only game in town when it came to dwarf leatherworking.

Dwarf costumes kept me fed for about six months before interest started to wane, by which point I’d diversified into MCU Loki armor too. That’s been the story of my business since – keeping an eye out for new fandoms with cool costumes that are in my skillset, and being on the ball about getting them done and posted as early as possible. I cannot overstate the advantage of being the *first* one to do a costume, because there are few fandoms that have truly long-term staying power, so you have to be there when the hype is highest. (Dragon Age, Zelda, Star Wars, etc, have a core of dedicated fans who will cosplay it until their dying day, but those are low-volume markets. My Dragon Age items are not my highest sellers, they are my labors of love.)

I often start with making a small, inexpensive item from a fandom, just enough to put me on the radar when people start googling for their cosplay – like a hook to reel them in. Customers will frequently ask if you can do other pieces from the same costume or the same universe (I started with the Wonder Woman tiara, and built the rest of the set as people asked for it; likewise, the Aquaman armor grew out of a single bracer; people who have seen my Loki stuff have commissioned Enchantress and Scarlet Witch), but they won’t usually ask a Lord of the Rings leatherworker if you can do stuff from, say, Game of Thrones. (Even though I totally could if anyone ever asked for it.)

I will say that specializing in cosplay puts you at the mercy of whatever’s trending, and the lulls between fandom booms can be deadly – when your income suddenly drops from a couple thousand dollars a month to a couple hundred, you best hope you’ve got enough of a cushion to ride that out until the next boom comes along. The more fandoms you’re in, the more diverse your portfolio, the less hard those bust cycles will hit you.

My shop pretty much is my portfolio, because I don’t take anything down (except when I stopped selling kink gear) even after interest is long gone, since it still showcases the styles and techniques I can do. I have a deviantArt with my stuff, mainly because I’ve found that dA – for whatever reason – indexes in google image search faster and higher than any other social media platform. It wasn’t until about this time last year that I finally got a facebook and started making a more concerted effort to maintain a social media presence and promote my business. It’s… coming along. I’m slightly better at remembering to post these days. >_>

I think it’s less about word of mouth than about whether people can find you when they’re googling. (~Search engine optimization~ or whatever.) There are tricks you can do to get yourself ranked higher, but I’ve never tried any of that stuff, just made sure that my listings, etc, are tagged with the right keywords to get picked up when potential customers go googling.

It is hard work (I work… a lot….) but it’s also a lot of fun – there is no job I would rather be doing, and I consider myself very lucky that I’ve been able to turn my passion into my career. (Which is like the most cliched thing to say, but it’s true – there are Etsy sellers who would KILL to be able to quit their day job and focus on their hobby full-time, so I’m aware that I’ve been quite fortunate.)

Anyway. I hope you enjoyed the novel I wrote for you. :D

[peopleofmoonia]

Bio for my OC Shadow

NICKNAME/EPITAPH

known as “Gentleman Reaper” and “smoking musician” (on Battle field/enemies) “Sonshine”-yes it’s a pun and spelled that way on purpose (Kissara) “Tall one” (they joke about their height difference often) or “Tank” because he specializes in taking on many enemies at once (Reina) Packbrother/Firebug or brat/N/A -respectively-(Seishin/Demona/Angelus) Angelus doesn't really have a nickname for him

BIRTHDAY

3/2/?

OCCUPATION

Chef of "The Pack"

SPECIES

half shinigami half Genie

GENDER

male

SIGNIFICANT OTHER

none

FAMILY

Members of "The Pack" (all other relations are either dead or he doesn't acknowledge them)

SEXUALITY

Asexual (but knows he is attractive to others which amuses him)

VOICE

Smoky, Smooth, steady/almost hypnotic quality BUT NOT monotone! (can Lull anyone to sleep if he tries lol)

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

6 and a half feet tall, golden brown skin, silver hair that ends at his waist (normally kept in three separate braids-that he then braids together into one large one) golden Amber eyes, wears golden boombox as an earring (but can enlarge it to actual boombox size as that is his "Genie Bottle" and Pack Symbol)

Clothes 

Normal/Relaxation: mostly pants( since he only wears a top or vest when cooking) they are either a soft material (most commonly Moon Silk)that clings low on his hips and to his thighs but billows out on the knees then tightens around the ankles (kinda like harem style pants but not quite),and tends wear soft plain black Khussa 

Battle: a Fishnet shirt (made from the fibers of Mother Tree) Combat boots (made of Black scaled dragon leather) that is reinforced by dragon bone and hidden “scythe” like blades made of razor sharp Onyx gems that can come out and decapitate his opponent, he wraps barbed wire made of reinforced dragon bone around his hair to use as a weapon on anyone that tries to hit him from behind (only does this when going into combat other)

PERSONALITY

Easygoing,very polite (unless you are rude or he doesn't like you then when he speaks his words to you will always be clever insults hidden by the polite tone he will use, this mostly confuses the rude person as they can't tell if he is being rude back or not) hard to anger (Only truly gets angry if his family/friends is insulted/hurt or someone wastes food) tends to act as a butler even though he isn't. (he acts this way because while growing up he just wanted to help in anyway he could. and once Kissara took him in he studied under the servants that took care of the temple and her)

BACK STORY

his mother died giving birth to him during the war between the Shinigami and Djin races. his father and mother had fallen in love and he was the result. he was called the "forbidden child" and banished from his home land to the sea of stars. by the age of 4 and although his father often snuck out to see and help him the best he could he was caught and executed for helping him. by age 5 Shadow decided that all adults were nothing but trash. to be able to treat a small child such as him and probably others he decided that the system of his people was corrupt. so what should he do? of course! he would tear down the system and rebuild it! he would need help though, and he needed to grow stronger as well. at age 7 he had gathered a small band of children together that would attack adults they could see mistreating children on the streets or when they acted to pompously they would use hidden tactics such as going to their business/place of work and make trouble for them behind the scenes. one day a group of angry influential adults found the small group and captured as many as they could doing many horrible things and killing almost all of them Shadow only escaped because the others created a distraction for him to do so while telling him with a smile “we may die here boss. but never forget that it was our choice to die saving you, and we would do so again and again if it gave you the chance to continue fighting for kids like us. Never Forget, Never Regret. that’s always been our motto hasn’t it?” Shadow was later found by a scruffy one eyed man on the small boat he had been hidden in and took him under his wing. it turns out that he was a chef that traveled the star sea in order to master the cuisine only found on this particular sea. it took 5 years but by then Shadow got along great with him and considered him another father. he had learned a lot about all kinds of cooking by then and had grown in strength as well. they parted ways and Shadow left to see what he could do to the corrupt system of his home. the answer was nothing. he had gone undercover to a party the higher ups were holding and it turns out the war is deliberate! the politicians from each race had agreed to attack each other for their own gain! He was beginning to despair of ever helping his people when he bumped into a Goddess that was visiting the realms since they had asked for her help with their war. in his desperation he grabbed her hand and dragged her to a secluded place and told her everything. the older goddess was understandably upset. Upon hearing what he told her she held his sobbing form close and told him that her Name was Kissara and that she would help him end the war. as he was only 12 at the time she brought him back to her home planet and helped raise him into the strong man he has become. now is the time to see what he could do. as a small single child he could do nothing...but Now he is a man with great friends. With The Pack" by his side there is nothing he can't do! (Side note he is actually the prince of both races but doesn't know it)

LIKES/DISLIKES

Likes:Cooking,baking candy making, music, attending to Kissara Dislikes: racists, corrupt governments, people who waste food

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES

1)can use his magic to create smoke that he then uses to produce music from that along with his kick attacks does major damage to any enemy within hearing distance. 2) Has VERY thick skin to help him accommodate for his speed. (he can move at the speed of thought. if he has been to a place before he can go there with just a thought) 

1) his magic is infinite but his stamina to use it is limited which is why he mainly uses Kick attacks and his barbed braid to attack and only uses his magic for "crowd control" or "fight enders" (Unless he's using it to help in the kitchen, the usesge/stamina cost in that task is very minimal) 2)His speed of thought travel is physical (he goes there physically using speed which is why he needs the thick skin, which in turn makes it hard to feel things such as heat and cold or if he gets injured *pretty amazing he is the chef huh?*)

[bobshollyworld-blog]

Head first into the deep end...

Pretty risky move for someone who can't swim, but I feel that this is something I had to do in order to further my life. In order to bring some sort of quality to it and break apart the monotony that working and being a parent brings, I had to start this blog.

You see, I've always been interested in toys. Action figures, mostly, but occasionally I would play with the odd R/C car or something similar. I used to joke with my parents that I would play with toys even as an old man, and though I'm not quite elderly, I've played with toys for far longer than the average male. I've never felt ashamed of being with an adult collector, and I've never been shy about occasionally busting out the figures of my youth and having them flip around in order to spark some sort of creativity in other fields I'm interested in.

There were times as my mind and body were still growing as a teenager that I thought it would be awkward if other kids my age knew I still had an affinity for figures, but I stuck to my guns. I remember being in eighth grade, and being a super mark for Dragon Ball Z. I knew everything about the show, such as who killed who or how many times a character died. I even had a favourite character, and, of course, I had the action figures. I took them to school one day--not all of them, but a couple--and I knew I didn't want anybody to find out that they were in my bookbag. But then a peculiar thing happen; I took a few out during a lull in art class, and the other boys were interested in them.

Of course, my closest friends at that stage of my life were nerds just like me. We would play Pokémon on Gameboy Color, and we would allow our grades to slip because we cared about anime too damn much, but I was alone in my admiration of toys. We were young adults, a cunt's hair away from high school and being real men. Lol. But not only were my actual friends excited to see some of their favourite characters in corporeal form, some of the other males in my class were amused as well. I didn't make any new friends as I passed the likes of Goku (boo!) and Vegeta (yay!) around the room, but I concluded my day no more ostracised than I had been before the day began. And for clarification, I was never ostracised; being well over six foot in middle school helped ensure that I rarely made enemies.

Anyway, so here I am in 2018, thirty years old and thirty years away from being what I consider to be "old" but well past the prototypical expiration date a boy should still be playing with toys, and I'm loving every minute of my life.

-Bob Hollywood, 16 July 2018

[lisinfleur]

His Heart

Author’s Notes | It was sweet! Thank you! Universe | Vikings Pairing | Sigurd x Reader Info | Viking Age AU, requested by @lol-haha-joke for 5CW7 | “Hillevi” is a name in Old Norse that means “Happy in war” (Source) Words | 1535 ⁑ Warnings: Some ANGST. Caution is recommended: the following content may be triggering.

When the horns sounded warning about the boats coming back to Kattegat's docks, you didn't leave your home. The fear didn't allow you to go and receive the boats that would bring your husband back from his last raid with his brothers.

Not when the words of the Seer were so harsh on your heart in your last visit to his tent.

"The snake-eyed prince will come back when he finds the heart waiting for him across the seas."

You cried for days after that visit. Sigurd had already gone when you decided to visit the Ancient One to ask about your husband's safety and to have an answer from the gods about your dryness.

It didn't matter how many times you had counted your days nor how many times your husband's seed had flooded your womb. Nothing. Not a single sprout was strong enough to survive the time until their birth. Your womb wasn't closed to pregnancy, but like Lagertha in his family before you, your womb couldn't hold his seed and his children were lost between your legs in painfully early births that would result in nothing but more pain.

You tried everything you could, but no pregnancy had passed the fifth month. You would swell with his child just to lose it months later as if the gods were stealing the life into your belly.

But when the Seer told you those words, you felt your heart shattered into you. As much as you never had taken your pregnancies to term, Sigurd never ever spoke on leaving you or taking any other to bear his children in your place. However, you always felt it wasn't fair for him to see his lineage dying with your inability to take it forward and your heart always told you someday, he would grow tired of the numerous attempts and would end up accepting another to warm his bed.

Understanding the fairness of his desires, however, wouldn't make smaller the pain in your heart when your beloved prince was holding another's hands, or kissing another's lips, or seeding another's womb. You didn't want to see his arrival with his so-called heart from across the seas by his side.

You wouldn't hurt her or push your future sister-wife away... But nothing would be able to soothe the pain in your heart for having to share your beloved prince with another to give him the children you dreamed about so far.

"Y/N?" his voice echoed from the door and you freeze, feeling your heart clenching into your chest. "Y/N, are you home?"

It was strange for Sigurd to land and don't see you at the docks to receive him. His heart got worried maybe you were sick or anything that could prevent you from coming into his embrace.

"I'm here, husband."

But there you were, with sadness in your eyes, but standing at the living room to receive his insecure touches.

He was sure something was hurting your heart and he knew what it was... At least, he couldn't blame you for feeling so sad when the gods had stolen the happiness from your womb so many times.

Sigurd touched your face softly, and you felt your eyes full of tears. How could you bear seeing another receiving such tender and loving touches you thought would be yours forever?

"I brought someone with me... But... I don't wanna break your heart, my love."

There it was.

You were sure a beautiful foreigner would come into your house through the door he left open behind him. And then, it would be the beginning of the end for you... Your mind could foresee everything...

She would give him children.

She would make him happy.

And more and more he would forget you until you were there only for his obligations as a husband since he was the one asking you to be his wife.

"Please... Don't think I did this to offend you. I... I just thought it was the right thing to do. We wanted children so long and the gods had been denying us my bloodline. So maybe... Maybe this way..."

His words were only making things worse, but you swallowed your tears, nodding in acceptance.

You wouldn't be the stone in Sigurd's way to his deserved happiness, even if it costs your own...

His thumbs caressed your face and he kissed your forehead softly, lovingly.

"It will never replace what we lost. And I still want to try and have the gods blessing us both. But she was all alone..."

You swallowed up, ready to see the woman coming into your door. But it was a male slave who came in.

And in his arms... A package...

"She had no arms to lull her anymore. And we had no child to fill our arms... I thought... I thought maybe we could..."

Sigurd stumbled in his words, afraid you would reject that small thing in his slave's arms, but your mind stumbled on your thoughts, standing stunned for a second before you could reason.

And then, the little package moved.

Scared little eyes looked around, searching for any kind of protective glare and a pair of small little hands came off the package as if seeking for someone to touch them.

The little package cooed. The introduction for a symphony your ears never heard. And you left Sigurd's embrace, walking towards that small thing.

More cooing. She would start crying soon. Slowly, you took the package from your slave's arms and he passed it into yours with care. Your eyes observed that little defenseless thing looking at you, weighing on your hands a sensation you never were able to feel.

Her cooing stopped. She wasn't starting to cry anymore. Instead, the beautiful hazel eyes were looking straight at you. And her small little hand gripped your dress tight, pulling the cloth as the other hand was sunk into her mouth.

"She's hungry... We tried to feed her from some slaves, but I thought... My love, I know it's too soon. I know the gods took it from us so many times, but... I couldn't leave her behind."

You still had the milk from your last miscarriage. Your breasts were still full from the child you could never feed. Sigurd thought you could accept that little girl and feed her from your breasts.

And hold her in your arms.

"I couldn't close my heart to a defenseless child, I..." he was so afraid you would be mad at him for bringing back something as painful as all the feelings you had so recently. "I thought we could... Take her..."

You walked back, passing through him, sitting on your couch with the little package in your hands. And slowly, you untied your dress, exposing your breast, pressing it to wet the nipple with the milk you were still trying to dry.

The poor thing wrapped your nipple with her hungry mouth, suckling as if you were the source of the most delicious food she ever tasted. And her hand rested on your hair, gripping it while her eyes were locked on yours.

She was too young to remember her mother... Probably, recently born.

"The slaves of the house told me her mother died on her birth..." Sigurd came closer, still insecure. "Her father gave her away as if she was a curse that took his wife from him. They say he wanted it to be a boy... The slaves were raising her."

Some with so much, some with so little.

"Then the gods may curse the man who rejected this little child... And may we close her mind for his memories because he doesn't deserve to be reminded," you muttered, watching as the little girl was still looking at you, suckling, relieved.

"I know we wanted a child of ours, my love," Sigurd started.

But you touched his face softly. And with your heart relieved, you smiled at your husband.

"And now... We have one. The gods had blessed us, husband. We shall name her Hillevi. For she's happiness that came from war. And happiness found her into the war for it was a raid that brought her into your arms, my love."

Sigurd smiled, both satisfied and full of happiness. There wasn't offense or rejection in your eyes. Instead, he saw that sadness slowly fading away as your arms were now full of child and his house now had a reason to celebrate.

"Then, may the gods bless you, my sweet Hillevi. And may them bless you twice, my wife, for accepting her into your arms," he said, caressing your face with one of his hands while the other was softly touching the child in your arms.

Hillevi had slept next to your breasts, full of your milk.

"She's a gift," you said, covering your breast and nestling the baby closer to your chest, watching as she sighed satisfied, feeling safe into your arms. "Not made from my womb, but coming from the love in your heart, my love."

The Seer was right. Sigurd found his heart across the sea. And now, the two of you would raise her with all the love both of you had to offer.

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