#it’s that whirlwind shit that you first experience but realize 'this was fun but also exhausting and I’m ready to move forward'

[piperslovebot]

Jackie and Kelso are a chaotic teenage mess, but I love them for it honestly

[lazyyogi]

When does meditation start to feel good?

Upon beginning meditation, you will likely find the actual meditation sittings to feel like a fucking disaster. I think I've been pretty up front about that part. When I first began practicing, not only would my thoughts be a whirlwind but also intense heat and anger would boil up in my body.

For beginners, the benefits of meditation will likely be first noted in their daily lives. They will feel more themselves, more at ease. You become more prone to being moved or inspired--emotionally, intellectually, and spirituality.

But the actual act of sitting and meditating will for the most part either feel boring, agonizing, confusing, or triggering. Now and then there may be random sessions or moments in which the clouds part and the sun of awareness suddenly shines. That's nice too. But the point is to just sit and do the practice.

One of the first obstacles of the beginning practice stages is to learn to refrain from clinging to pleasant moments or avoiding unpleasant ones during a session. This is actually how a sense of peace develops. You become divinely Unbothered.

However, it is true that the actual practice of sitting and meditating for more seasoned practitioners will for the most part feel pretty good.

When does that transition happen and, more importantly, why does it happen?

Concentration

The typical conception we have of using concentration is that we are spending energy to force ourselves to hone in on something. It is almost like a squeezing of consciousness.

This is because our minds are typically a zoo of random shit.

So when instructed to focus your attention in the form of a meditation technique, it starts out as you might imagine. You are spending energy to refrain from wandering off down trains of thought. And when you do wander down a train of thought, you spend energy to bring your focus back to the meditation.

Then with practice, your concentration takes on a different quality.

The notion that concentration requires energy expenditure is based on the experience that the mind's attention is being pulled in so many directions. But once you start to overcome the unconscious tendency to leap from thought to thought, you discover something new about concentration.

Through meditation practice, concentration is created simply by not wandering off.

Allow me to elaborate.

Effort

You were once unconsciously spending lots of energy jumping from thought to thought. You didn't consciously realize how the compulsive non-stop activity of the mind actually drains your resources.

To overcome that momentum, effort needs to be applied. More energy needed to be spent in the form of focus or concentration.

Eventually a shift happens when that unconscious expenditure is outweighed by your concentration.

That's when it becomes easier to remain present, focused, and relaxed rather than wandering down various trains of thought.

There is sometimes debate between spiritual philosophies about the role of effort and effortlessness in spiritual practice. In this instance, effort is needed until effort becomes irrelevant, but that's another matter.

Peace

The state of concentration, when relaxed and relatively effortless, is immensely pleasurable.

Think about how it requires no effort to focus on something you're super into, like binging a TV series or getting into a game. And how that feels pretty good!

But that good feeling is limited in several ways. It's limited by the duration of the activity. It's limited by the duration of your attention (if you're doomscrolling while watching). And it's limited by how good/fun you perceive that activity to be.

Meditation has no such limits. What you start to experience is Peace.

Such peace isn't just calm and lovely. There is a tasty quality to it. It is the undifferentiated happiness reflected, albeit dimly, in all of the forms of happiness you have ever experienced.

Keep all of this in mind when I talk about the challenges of meditation practice. Although I am often addressing and helping people with the beginner's experience, this aspect of meditation practice is less often discussed.

While every meditation session is exactly what you needed and even the most advanced practitioners may have hellish sittings, with time and dedication, meditation overall becomes a fulfilling, enriching, transformative, and yes even pleasant experience unlike any other.

LY

[practicingbushiho]

Doma Art Party 2023 Afterword

So, I think maybe it might be corny for me to do something like a thank you or an open letter or an afterword so to speak for an art party. And normally, I think I'd have not bothered. But considering this was my first ever attempt at hosting one, and that it was for a deeply important experience in my life...I believe it to be warranted here.

I am happy to say that the art party was to my eyes, a wonderful success. It was nice to experiment with the idea of having a more activity-oriented art party, and I have a good idea of what to do next time to improve on the formula without feeling overwhelming; after all, art parties are ultimately for vibing and hanging out; and boy were we.

And yes, many kisses were had, and the goodbyes were bittersweet; but not sad. And thus, I will give thanks. More below.

Thank you to everyone that helped me celebrate something very important to me. This last year has been a whirlwind for me, in mostly rather wonderful ways. I finally managed to finally let go of some of the things that were haunting me, I was more easily able to reconcile with, accept, and grow from my past. I picked up the pieces of a lot of parts of my life I didn't feel I had agency in, and it was all because of what I felt playing through Hien Rijin's story arc in FFXIV Stormblood. It was great fun to organize, and It was really nice to be able to celebrate that in some way with all of you-- some of which I'd never even met beforehand. I am just. So floored that people wanted to hang out and chat; thank you for handling my tech clumsiness and multi-tasking fails with such grace.

Thank you to everyone that WANTED to be there but couldn't for some reason or another. Thank you to my friend Bri (twt @tenchijins) who helped me craft prizes and coordinate during parts of the event (the shout chats were SO helpful)-- and for being a wonderful rp partner. You are so fucking smart and cool and you love birds so basically you're an angel. Thank you for everything the last couple months. You helped me better understand a part of my identity that I feared facing for so long, and because of it I am happier than I'd ever been about it all.

Thank you to @findenyan and @itsmeowlee for being so active in twitch chat and bein' cute an' funny catboys it was nice to see. Thank you also to @windup-dragoon for hanging out with us on day one (all the kisses to u my friend), Kiri is always a treasure to witness, and @dareva for being so insanely supportive of both my XIV works AND my original comic progress. I hope you are around for years to come.

Thank you to my roommate Cobalt who is the only reason I could even do this, because he was the one that helped me afford to renew my sub, which I didn't realize expired that day before the event. Oh, and also because he has literally been the sole reason i've been able to afford to survive the last couple of years. Hope to be free of it soon, brother! hahaha~

Thank you to @mythiclings for always showing me love, you were one of the biggest reasons I got the courage to start posting my Hien fanworks. And I am so glad that I did.

(Speaking of that, we did this cute little doodle together a little while back that I now have permission to post :'3 Look at these silly guys!!)

Ahem. And then thank you to my roommate aka ShandeeDay. If it weren't for you, i'd have never been able to play FFXIV from the first-- not even to consider all the times you've saved me from the street in my 20s. I love you, man. You saved my life. I would take a bullet for you.

Finally, to all of the people both old and new who have shared my work, shared their work with me, made things with me and just in general showed their support in my presence-- I thank you. Also some of you write some hilariously cute shit in tags. I adore you.

Sorry this was so long. But it was definitely worth writing. I plan to do another next year around the Lunar New Year in March 2024, provided I have no cons to attend. I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!! 0/

Love and Peace, and to tomorrow. - Shane (and the four other idiots piloting his brain)

[fandomfiish]

Mission Failed, Successfully

This was not how Meeks planned to celebrate Valentine’s this year.

“It’ll be fun! Plus we’re the only ones who don’t have a date on the friend group, Todd has Neil, Charlie has Cameron, Knox has Chet and I’m sure Ginny and Chris will be with them.”

“So?”

“Aren’t you tired of being alone during Valentine’s Day?”

“I don’t really mind that much?”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m with you?”

Pitts stopped himself mid-rant to smile at what Meeks said.

“Aww Meeks, I feel the same way …”

“BUT it would be nice to celebrate it this year.”

“I don’t still see why we have to pretend that we’re dating?”

Pitts sighs. “Come on Meeks, remember what Mr. Keating said. Carpe Diem!”

Meeks sighs, knowing that he really can’t say no to Pitts.

“Fine.”

And if he felt his cheeks warm when Pitts hugged him after that, no one will know.

--

“You’re going out?”

Charlie’s outburst almost got Meeks and Pitts laugh but they’ve had years of practice in pranking the other poets that this seems like child’s play.

The poets are now at a coffee shop outside Welton, meeting up before they separate for their own plans for the day.

“Yeah, is it that so surprising?” Meeks asks, as his hand meets Pitt’s lacing them together.

“Not really,” Cameron said, who was sitting beside Charlie. “We just can’t believe you two finally got together.”

“What?” Meeks's surprise was genuine, and when he looked at Pitts he looked surprised as well.

“Well, you two looked like you’re already a couple.” Todd’s chimed in. “But when you told me you’re both single I was surprised.”

Pitts and Meeks looked at each other genuinely confused at what was happening. They planned on pranking them for the whole day but the fact that they believed it so easily was something they found quite confusing.

“Yeah, Honestly I thought if there was going to be anyone who’s going to be the couples first, it’ll be you two.”

It got Meeks to think about his dynamic with Pitts, how they were the only ones in the group who liked to tinker with machinery, how the two of them danced together after their radio finally worked.

How they were always together whenever they were not hanging out with the poets.

How much Pitts understands him and makes him laugh.

That he knows he wants to be by Pitts's side.

Those were things he loved about Pitts.

Shit.

He loves Gerard Pitts.

And from the way he saw recognition in Pitts name, he knew it too.

“Can you excuse us for a second?” It was Meeks who spoke which got them some acknowledgment from the other poets, and they left to go inside the male bathroom.

And now that they’re alone, they can’t seem to speak.

They looked at each other and Meeks won’t like that Pitts isn’t attractive. But seeing this in a new light has caused his cheeks to warm.

“I…” Pitts speaks first. “Gee when I proposed us fake dating for Valentine’s Day, I didn’t know that It’ll cause me to realize my feelings for my best friend.”

“Y-Yeah.” Meeks was breathless, can’t believe this is happening. A whirlwind of events that he knows won’t end now.

“I … I don’t really know how to do this.” Meeks was the one who spoke. “But, I want to be a part of your life Pitts. And maybe this is just fate steering us together but I want to try this…” He took a step forward towards Pitts. “With you.”

“M-Me too!” Pitts took a step forward too, interlacing their fingers when he grabs Meeks's hand. “I guess we really already seem like a couple huh?”

Meeks smiles at that. “It seems we did Pitts, it seems we did.”

A beat.

“I really want to kiss you right now Meeks.” Meeks just forgoes his expectations on how this date would go out of the window as he felt breathless from Pitts's words. “What’s stopping you Pittsie?”

And no second later Pitts lowered his height to reach Meeks lips for a kiss. It wasn’t anything great, both of them have no experience in kissing so it was a mess, but it was their mess and Meeks loved it. Loved how Pitts's lips felt on his and loves this feeling of being in love.

It felt quick, but it also felt natural. Like nothing really changed except now they’re dating.

And Meeks loves it.

When they separate both have grins on their faces.

“We have to get back there you know?”

“I know.”

“Then, are you ready to go back to our date, Mr. Gerard?”

“Wait doesn’t this mean that this is our first date as a couple?”

“Yeah Pittsie, it is.”

And Meeks wouldn’t trade anything for the smile Pitts gave him. “Well then Mr. Steven, prepare yourself because I have a lot planned today.”

Pitts held out his hand.

And Meeks took it.

[partialresonance]

Hi! You asked for Geraskier prompts. What about some fluff? Jaskier heard that Witchers can’t blush so he tries to make Geralt blush by complementing him ?

Yay, thank you for the prompt!! This was so much fun to write. :D

CW: mild innuendo, reference to beheading?? Otherwise it’s pretty tame. ~1.6k of fluff coming right up!

Jaskier is eighteen, and Geralt is quite the most interesting man he’s ever met.

Of course, he’s handsome too, which doesn’t hurt. But for the moment Jaskier is mostly concerned with the fact that he’s a witcher. Jaskier has heard countless rumors and tales about witchers but he never imagined he would have the chance to actually meet one. He can’t pass up the chance to confirm the truth of what he’s heard, straight from the source.

“Geralt, is it true that witchers can see through walls?”

Even though Jaskier has to jog to keep up with Roach and is only treated to a view of the man’s broad backside, he can hear the eye-roll in Geralt’s dry response:

“No.”

“Well that’s a shame. I imagine brothels would be quite interesting places if you could.” Jaskier’s lute bangs against the back of his thighs, and he hoists the strap higher on his shoulder. “Speaking of which, is it true that witchers have—ah, how to put this delicately—inhuman stamina?”

“I can outrun you.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Geralt shrugs, and Jaskier puts his hands on his hips, his mouth twitching into a pout.

“You’re no fun at all, Witcher.”

What he won’t ask is if it’s true that witchers don’t have feelings. Jaskier had banished the idea as rubbish from the first, when he’d gone up to Geralt in that tavern in Posada and found him brooding. One cannot brood without feeling.

“Is it true that witchers can smell fear?”

At that, there is a telling pause.

“Yes.”

“Huh. That’s interesting. Can’t imagine how that’s useful though. I’ve always found it quite easy to tell when someone’s afraid, they go all bug-eyed and their hands start to shake and they stutter a lot.” 

“You’d be surprised.” Roach flicks her tail, narrowly missing Jaskier’s face. He dodges to the side, stumbling a bit on the dirt path. “Some people are good at hiding it.”

Jaskier shrugs, uninterested.

“Hmm, what else. What else,” he taps his chin, trying to dredge up the other rumors he’s heard.

“If you can’t think of anything else we could walk in silence,” Geralt says hopefully. Jaskier laughs, shaking his head. The very idea.

“Oh! I’ve got one.” He picks up his pace, jogging forward until he’s far enough ahead of Roach that he can turn and walk backwards, keeping ahead long enough to see Geralt’s expression. “Is it true that witchers can’t blush?”

“Where did you hear that one?” Geralt looks unimpressed. He flicks the reins and Roach springs into a trot; Jaskier has to leap to the side to avoid the devilish mare. Thankfully Geralt doesn’t seem intent on leaving him behind; after a few paces Roach slows to a walk again, though Jaskier is huffing by the time he finally catches up.

“Oh, you know,” Jaskier wheezes, clutching a stitch in his side. He waves a hand vaguely. “Around.”

He’d heard it in reference to the only place on a witcher’s body blood could rush to, but, well. Geralt doesn’t need to know that.

“Yes. It’s true.”

“Is it really?” Jaskier squints up at Geralt. He wishes he was a witcher who could sniff out lies. “You know it’s illegal to lie to a bard, don’t you?”

Geralt doesn’t answer, and now that Jaskier has run out of questions his mind seizes on a new game.

Make Geralt blush.

“Hey, Geralt!” Jaskier swings his lute around and plucks a few notes. “You ever heard the one about the fishmonger’s daughter?” And without further ado, he launches into the most downright filthy version he knows. It’s barely even innuendo, containing outright descriptions of exactly what the fishmonger’s daughter likes to do with her catch, even including a few dramatic moans and sighs on Jaskier’s part because he is nothing if not an excellent performer. He keeps a close eye on Geralt’s expression, but to his dismay all he sees is the gradual tightening of his jaw and flattening of his eyebrows. By the end of the song he looks downright murderous.

“I’m guessing you didn’t like that one. Heh.” Jaskier plucks a discordant note, underlining his failure to please the witcher with his song, as well as rouse even the faintest of pink tones to his pale skin. “Well, not everyone has a sense of humor. That’s alright.”

Damn it. What could he do to make a witcher blush?

After another mile or so Jaskier is forced to admit that the sex angle simply doesn’t affect the witcher. He’d tried everything--describing some of his own conquests, real and imagined, and he’d even faked a limp and sighed wistfully about his night with the innkeeper’s son! None of it has any effect on the man. And, with a cruel spike of embarrassment that brings heat to his own cheeks, Jaskier abruptly realizes it’s because the century-old witcher likely has seen and done things he can scarce imagine. 

It’s all old hat to him, then.

“Have it your way then, you big old brute.” Jaskier consoles himself by playing his favorite songs at the loudest possible volume, his voice echoing off the canyons. He thinks Geralt has mostly tuned him out, until abruptly he wheels Roach around and makes a sharp gesture at Jaskier. His yellow cat-eyes scan the surrounding hills.

“Shut up, bard.”

Jaskier scoffs, and strums a few loud chords.

“Well you could at least ask nicely if you’re--”

An arrow stabs into the ground, an inch from Jaskier’s foot. Jaskier jumps into the air with a yelp.

Bandits seem to pour down from the hills, and Geralt and Roach charge in to deal with them. Jaskier, weaponless and frightened, darts off of the path in the opposite direction, down a small gully to hide behind a bush.

Well, he hasn’t lived this long by sticking around for the danger! Someone has to live to tell the tale, after all.

It’s over faster than Jaskier would have imagined. He catches glimpses of Geralt moving smoothly through the fight, a whirlwind of steel and white hair. The big witcher actually looks graceful, spinning on one heel and swinging his arm in a broad arc to lop off the last bandit’s head. Jaskier swallows, feeling odd and sort of warm all over.

When he’s certain the bandits are dead he doesn’t hesitate to scramble up the hill to where Geralt is standing amidst the carnage, sheathing his sword.

“Do people do that a lot?” Jaskier tells himself his voice isn’t that shaky as he brushes off the knees of his trousers and hoists his lute onto his back. “Just attack you out of nowhere?”

“Hmm.” Geralt stands from where he’d been crouched over one of the corpses. He slips their purse into Roach’s saddlebags, then mounts her in a smooth motion.

Jaskier wrinkles his nose at the corpse. He doesn’t usually see death up close like this--his experience is more of the ‘passing by the suspicious lump in the alleyway without looking too closely’ variety. He’s frightened, but with Geralt at his side starts to feel a little bit brave. The bandit certainly isn’t scary like this, with his stupid head lying across the path. He sticks his tongue out at the corpse and then jogs after Geralt and Roach.

“Well, they should know better, shouldn’t they? I don’t think you even broke a sweat.”

“Hmm.”

“No, I mean it. That was genuinely impressive.”

“Shut up, bard, or you’ll draw more of them.” Geralt turns his head away, but not before Jaskier catches something interesting in his expression. He jogs forward, until he’s striding beside Roach and level with Geralt’s knee. If he looks out of the corner of his eye he can just barely make out Geralt’s face. A sly smile curls his lips.

“Do people ever compliment you? Or are they too busy shitting themselves because you’re a big, scary witcher?”

Geralt stares straight ahead. 

“That’s a shame, really. Compliments do wonders for the self-esteem. I can’t go long without one before I simply wither away like an autumn leaf. And there’s so much to compliment you on.”

“Fuck off.”

“Geralt, I’m being serious.” Alright, so maybe he was also teasing a bit, but Jaskier’s voice took on a strident, genuine note as he turned his head to gaze up at the witcher. “What you did back there might seem like nothing to you, but I was terrified. If they wanted to kill me they could have done so easily, except you were there so now they’re all lying in pieces while we make our merry way on. Take that, bandit, you don’t need your legs!” Jaskier laughs and makes a slicing motion as if severing an imaginary bandit’s torso from his lower appendages.

“It’s nice, not to have to be afraid of whatever random asshole comes my way. I think I’ll stick with you after all. It doesn’t hurt that you’re easy on the eyes as well.” Jaskier winks. Geralt keeps darting his eyes between Jaskier and the path ahead. He looks distinctly uncomfortable, but Jaskier doesn’t think it’s in a bad way at all. “Big witcher man with your nice hair and all that muscle beneath your armor. You looked like you were dancing, you know.”

“Jaskier…” It’s a low growl, a warning, and it sends a shiver straight down Jaskier’s spine. He bites his lower lip to keep from smiling too broadly, and that’s when he sees it:

The distinct, pale pink undertone blooming to life beneath Geralt’s glowing (beautiful) yellow eyes.

Oh. Jaskier is in trouble.

He clears his throat, taking a few steps to the side and letting Roach get a little bit ahead of him. He strums his lute, a spring in his step as he follows his witcher, imagining feeling the heat of Geralt’s blush beneath his fingertips.

[proxylynn]

Lynchtale: File Name Game of Death #7

Chapter 7: Lead not into temptation but obsession

WARNING: THIS IS A MATURE STORY THAT WILL HAVE BLOOD, GORE, PSYCHOLOGICAL SURVIVAL HORROR, HEAVY CURSING, AND LIKELY SEXUAL THEMES/BONING. I DO NOT OWN UNDERTALE, THAT BELONGS TO LORD TOBY FOX. I DO NOT OWN DEAD BY DAYLIGHT, THAT BELONGS TO BEHAVIOUR DIGITAL INC.. I DON'T OWN THE AU'S THAT SOME OF THE CHARACTERS COME FROM, THEY BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CREATORS. I NOW OWN THE IDEA FOR LYNCHTALE, WHICH USED TO BELONG TO PUNNYSIDEUP (AKA. SANSFULPUNS). I ALSO OWN MY SELF-INSERT OC ANOMALY LYNSIE AND A LOVE OF FAN PARODY. IF YOU'RE STILL READING THIS, THEN CONGRATULATIONS ON EITHER BEING ONE WITH STRONG DETERMINATION OR AN ENDLESS WILL TO OVERCOME THE CHALLENGE OF STOMACHING WHAT I HAVE IN MIND. EITHER WAY, IF YOU LIKE THIS AND/OR MY OTHER CONTENT. SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE ETERNAL PUNISHMENT. HAVE FUN SINNERS. ^_^

David and Lynsie stay in the fog for a long while. Telling dumb jokes and ridiculous stories. Wanting to build a better connection, David goes into detail on how his life changed before he found himself in this nightmare. She had to admit to herself, when he opens up, he is more enthralling than any movie.

King scrunches his broken fist. Cheers and hollers from a drunk crowd echo through the alleyway. He stares at his fallen opponent. Bleeding face. Busted nose. Chipped teeth. He kicks him in the mouth to put the finishing touches on his handiwork. He never lost a fight. Not now, not ever. Always bet on King. He glances over the crowd. Spots Donnie. An old friend with a gambling problem. Not much of a problem if he continues to bet on me. King looks at his watch. He's late for a family meeting.

King's father gives his mother hell for talking back for something he didn't quite understand. It's always the same crap. King grinds his teeth. Blood and warmth rush up his face. Every scrap. Every single one he won, because he saw his father's face on his opponent. He wants to lash out. To say something. Anything. But to say something is to be cut off. But this time he's not thinking straight. Or maybe he is. His father raises a hand to strike his mother. It happens faster than the thought to perceive it. One moment he snatches his father's arm. The next he's beating him black and blue for years of accumulated shit. He walks away while his mother tries to help his father up. You're out! Never show your face here again! Ungrateful bastard! Get out!

He never really had friends. Not real ones, anyway. He had an entourage. A group of sods enjoying the high life with his credit card. Now he has no one. Not a single bloody friend to help him out. He had friends once upon a time in school. But that was long ago. He needs money. But money doesn't grow on trees and no one wants to challenge him. Not after what he did to his last opponent. He needs a job. His accounts are near empty and his old careless spending habits are hard to break.

He meets with Tommy. Tommy has no room for him in his apartment. Wishes he did, but he doesn't. Mick wants to help but his old lady won't let him. Same with Bill and Harry. His ex has moved on and she doesn't want to see his face. Something about being a shithead. He can't live in a hotel room forever, it drains the account. He remembers a face he recently spotted in a crowd at his last scrap. They were friends since they were toddlers. He was a genuine friend even if they went separate ways. King looks him up. Castledrive. He hails a taxi.

King hasn't felt real in a long time. He sits in Donnie's apartment drinking old ale, realizing how much he misses genuine heart-to-hearts. Donnie was his friend before he realized he came from money. The rich aren't really rich. He's not sure why he thinks this or what it means. It's just a random thought. The ale talking as it were. Donnie says he can stay until he figures things out. He's not sure when that will be. It doesn't matter. A sudden rap at the door startles him. Donnie stands. Opens the door to reveal a few men in black leather jackets. Muscle. King doesn't hear much. What he does hear he doesn't like. Donnie owes money and can expect a bundle of lead in the face if he doesn't pay. He laughs when he returns to the kitchen table. It's your fault, King. I don't know who to bet on anymore.

King lost his last three jobs and is going back to what he does best. A challenger steps into the circle in the dimly lit alley. Double his size. Massive. King doesn't care. A head's a head. He'll go down like the others. Crowd calls him the Ghetto Masher. The Ghetto Masher glares at him. The ref spits out rules he's heard a thousand times. King stares at him...and sees...not his father but his opponent.

A bell sounds. With a bestial snarl, the Ghetto Masher lunges. King evades a wild blow that would have ripped his head off. He feels strange. Unresponsive. Confused. Donnie screams at him. He glances at him as he receives a massive fist to the skull. Black swirls across his eyes. He doesn't remember the thud against his skull. He doesn't remember his legs buckling. He doesn't even remember collapsing in a pile of festering, garbage. He only remembers waking up on the couch in Donnie's apartment. He's lost his edge. His anger. His rage. His hate. Was that all he was? Donnie's asking if he's okay and he's not sure. Am I okay? Will I be better? I don't know. Was it just a fluke? A lucky shot? Happens to the best. I feel wrecked. I am wrecked. Donnie bet the last of his cash on him.

King's getting the hang of working behind a bar. Donnie sips a beer and tells him he needs to find another reason to fight. King tells Donnie he needs to get home before the beer he's drinking turns to piss. Before he gets in trouble. Too late. King spots two men. They approach Donnie. Grab him. Usher him into the basement. Not a good sign. King rushes to help but his manager yells at him to stay behind the bar. Screw it.

He leaps over the bar and rushes to the basement where he finds Donnie being beaten by Ghetto Masher with Uncle Brass watching in his chair. King doesn't hesitate. He tackles him. They exchange deadly blows. Ghetto Masher can hardly keep up. Uncle Brass sends others after King. Doesn't matter. King's a whirlwind of destruction. He cracks Ghetto's knees and thrusts his thumbs into his eye sockets. An eyeball pops out still attached to a series of nerves. Cries of terror. Ghetto Masher cups his eyeball screaming for medical help. Staggers and slams against the wall as more ruffians attack. Stop! Uncle Brass stands and approaches. It's well within my power to rip your fuckin' head off for what you did to my boys. King staggers to his feet. Not a bloody joke, am I? His debt is paid if you work for me. He straightens up and brushes his jacket. Smiles. Always bet on King.

Such a tale would normally be taken with a heaping amount of salt. But he knew she believed him. No one makes that kind of crap up. Plus the scars on his knuckles that he was surprised she noticed were very telling. He found it cute that she'd absentmindedly traced her fingers across the old wounds. Yet it also proved just how comfortable she was with him to drop all guard and trust him without a word. Oh, how it tempted him. To stop being the support she needed after the unknown hell that happened with the Monsters and try again to make his move. Never did he think he'd be in a situation where he'd be mentally fighting his sex drive. It didn't help that she would press closer to him in an attempt to get cozy.

On her end, this was a much-needed peace. He made her feel safe. As if there were no Monsters. No Entity. No reason to be fearful of herself. No pricks to look at her like she's a freak. It's just her and him. The toughest softy she ever met and he didn't put up some fake act when around her. She loved that. Loved it when someone was themselves and didn't give a shit to fit some 'normal' mold that was expected. As dumb as it was, the lyrics to Avril Lavigne's Complicated were more than just words in a song to her. And David King was the guy she could tell that she'd never find faking. Such peace of mind had her wanting to stay like this forever. Yeah. To stay with him and forget everything else would be a dream come true.

Eventually, the calm placated the storm of her frayed nerves and she manages to convince him into returning to the campfire. Whispers spread from those that think naughty thoughts. While others knew better and ignored stupid rumors. More important matters were needed to be focused on. Hard and troubling times are coming. Resources will be needed. Trials need to be won. The flowers are coming.

[SOMEWHERE IN THE ENTITY...THE ARCHIVES OF THE OBSERVER]

(Arcus 337)

At first glance, the endless bloodshed seems to be an act to satisfy some destructive instinct within The Entity. This seems to me a reductionist distortion of something more sophisticated, something more intricate, something even sacred. Beyond the horror, the shedding of blood and the very real appearance of death puts us in touch with life and can be an intoxicating and highly addictive experience on the deepest and most archaic levels. When our blood, or our life-force is offered to The Entity, it can be seen as a gift that is soon returned to us so that the horror may continue again and again. The world constantly churns with life and death, and death and life — the circulation of blood through an Old One from heart to body to kidney back to the heart again to be purified and begin anew.

(Arcus 984)

More luminous energy sent to me by an unknown ally. With this energy, I was able to open a small window that allowed me to look into a lost realm where I saw to my great surprise a city with survivors living as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The window eventually closed, and I spent the entire evening imagining how such a thing could be possible or if it was merely an illusion. The same night another surge of energy permitted me to open a doorway into a realm I didn't much recognize or dare explore. I stared at the scintillating doorway until it faded out of existence. It's as though the one manifesting these sacred glyphs is trying to help me delve deeper into the mysteries of this dimension or, perhaps, he is suggesting that the answers to my salvation are hidden amongst the countless realms discarded by this Old One since time immemorial.

(Arcus 985)

Instead of reading aloud in my usual way, I clambered to the roof of my tower and conjured a fire and a radio to listen to some ghost stories from a half-remembered radio serial from Terra Dark. Without a doubt, listening to these stories has proven to be the best way to pass the time, especially when you've got endless voices clattering in your head, bringing you down with their endless agonies and anxieties. Later I used the Auris to manifest The Storyteller to read his stories like he had done for his weekly podcast. He was composed of ever-moving, black fog, and I suspect that one day I'll actually be able to recreate a more realistic person to listen to or perhaps even engage with in something that resembles a conversation.

Listening to The Storyteller and hearing familiar expressions, I am wondering: how do I keep myself out of my own creations? The memories I attempt to record as fast as I experience them prove one thing to me. They show me objectivity is impossible, or elusive at best, and I'm never quite sure if my logs are a true and accurate depiction of the subject's memory or a whiskey laden interpretation of a nightmare. To add to my frustrations, I have recently noticed other voices have made their way into my notes. Other interpretations. Other thought-patterns from people whose memories I've likely spent too much time reliving. They are becoming a part of me and that wasn't supposed to happen.

(Arcus 986)

The Storyteller kept me entertained throughout the night with his gory tales of Nosferatu, so that I almost forgot my own personal living nightmare. His stories entertain and make for a perfect distraction when smashing golf balls into the abyss just won't suffice. There have been countless tales of vampires, and to be certain I've read most of them, but to my mind...his are the most chilling. More than once now I've woken in a cold sweat with the sense that my tower has been overrun by these horrible creatures with fangs for teeth.

(Arcus 987)

Another incident woke me in the middle of the night. An incredible surge of energy coming to me from an undetermined source. At first, I thought my mind had given way to illusions and wild imaginings until I realized the energy surging through my tower was widening yet another doorway into a lost realm composed of memories from an unremembered civilization lost to time. I approached and stared into the remnants of a war-torn, abandoned city with the eerie cry of a baby echoing in the distance. Just as I made to enter the lost realm the scintillating doorway shrunk and sizzled out of existence. I soon realized it may very well be possible to explore this Old One from my tower with the help of this unique energy and the Auris.

(Arcus 1007)

A new doorway has opened. For how long? I'm not sure nor have I ever been right even with my best guesses. Through the door of my study and into a lost and forgotten realm. Moss-grown, stone homes with doorways barricaded with wagons, planks of wood, and decaying corpses tangled in barbed wire. I walk by the homes gazing at the residual memories of soldiers killing villagers with swords for no other reason than the thrill of it. I can't make out which era or Terra world this realm is from. I search the realm for hints of how one may open an actual doorway back home. Somewhere in these memories and forgotten realms is the answer to my salvation. But...which ones...which ones indeed...

(Arcus 1275)

I have often wondered if those trapped here have ever paused to reflect upon the inexplicable significance of this world that defies not only time and space but death. A world made of memories that is neither consistent nor constant. Something akin to a collective dream made of the collective memories and beliefs of its inhabitants. Sometimes I wonder if not all worlds were like this in some respect and that reality is what we in fact dream it to be or believe it to be.

(Arcus 2217)

I have uncovered to my amazement and bewilderment memories of Claudette that are unlike any of those I've previously experienced. One might even say they should not belong to her...and yet...they are hers. I surmise these memories may belong to another Claudette from another Terra world, suggesting that this Old One may have clear preferences at the cosmic buffet for certain souls. It will take more samples of these memories to know if they are in fact from another Claudette or if, and it is possible, I am having troubles deciphering between her actual memories and her creative musings.

(Arcus 5736)

I have seen into the heart of this Old One and have seen things no mortal eyes should see...things that simultaneously perplex my mind and burden my conscience. With mysterious help I have ripped open reality, searched deep within countless rifts, and seen everything tumble helplessly towards chaos and entropy...towards death and madness...and for the briefest moment I had the ridiculous thought that the mysterious ally helping me could very well be The Entity playing its game with me, toying with me as a cat does with a mouse before the claw rips the tiny jugular out. Staring out into the endless abyss of black fog I thought that this prison could very well be another form of trial disguised and designed to feast on all the psychic energies derived from alienation, boredom, and all those bouts of unremembered insanity. I can't help but feel millions of invisible hooks in my heart and millions of unseen eyes all around me...watching me...waiting for me to tumble toward chaos and madness like everything else...waiting for my mind to turn against itself. This bastard of an Old One wants me to kill myself. I am sure of it. Or maybe...Maybe I already have, and maybe I will again...and again...and again.

(Arcus 5738)

An odd impulse caused me to climb to the roof and light a single candle in the pitch blackness of it all. When the candle extinguished, I thrust myself off the roof and plunged to my certain death but somehow ended up back in my bed as though I was waking up from a nightmare. I don't know what I was thinking but what this has shown me is...death is not an escape.

(Arcus 5798)

Incidents don't make sense anymore. Nothing does. Everything is a chaotic blur of unreal apparitions and jumbled memories. I can barely recognize my own thoughts or distinguish my memories from those I've been studying. Last night I relived the most horrific murders in my collection with a strange kind of...pleasure...When I had had enough, I looked in the mirror and did not see myself but dozens of faces morphing in and out of each other. Every possible face except my own. I thrust my fist into the mirror and my hand split and blood was everywhere. What cruel fate has befallen me that I should lose myself in the darkness while trying to escape its deadly grasp? The Auris will either be my salvation or my downfall.

(Arcus 7525)

It's hard to say what came over me and I can hardly recollect the last few hours perhaps even days. I awoke with several empty whiskey bottles and dead bodies sprawled across the roof. Not too far from the scene was my gory nine iron and a phonograph playing a solemn, French song about life in a city I will never truly know. I turned the bodies over one by one and they vaguely resembled those who had forsaken me to this infernal prison. I must have conjured them and destroyed them in the same evening. But...with a nine iron? I imagined far worse fates for them. I even have a journal devoted to dark and creative ideas on how I might actually one day make them pay for their corruption and impertinence.

(Arcus 8545)

I was woken mid-slumber by a delirium of shrieks and destruction so that I rushed to the closest window to see only the endless Black Fog swirling outside. Things in the Fog were coming to life and dying simultaneously as though The Entity were sick or in some kind of shock. Creatures roared and fought and tore each other apart somewhere in the raging abyss and it was both entertaining and unsettling. I grabbed a nine iron and held it at the ready, waiting for some apparition to attack me. But within moments it was all over, and I couldn't sleep, and so I took the edge off with a little whiskey and golf on the roof, the whole while cursing this blasted Old One and hoping what I had just experienced was nothing more than cosmic indigestion.

(Arcus 8557)

I tremble as I scribble this down. Squid-like creatures difficult to describe attempt to penetrate my tower, trying to destroy my study and tools to explore and manifest. I held them off for as long as I could, then, taking the Auris and other valuables, I rushed through a doorway and hid in a lost realm. When I returned, the tower was upside-down, my study completely ransacked, the creatures lay dead on the floor with black, putrid blood leaking out of them, and the smell of decaying fish was everywhere. What are these creatures and who is sending them if not this brutish monster of an Old One? I spent hours cursing and throwing these fetid carcasses out of my window and back into the abyss.

(Arcus 8789)

There are dead bodies in my study and I have no recollection of the last few days. The bodies have been flayed from head to toe and the faces have been beaten to an unrecognizable pulp. I dragged them to the window and thrust them out into the abyss wondering who they were and why they were in my tower. Did I manifest them? Did I create them for company? Or did they come from somewhere else? Had I been the one who butchered them? Had I lost myself so deeply in a memory that I became someone else for a short time? Perhaps they are not my creations but apparitions from the Fog sent by The Entity like the creatures I hear lurking about in the Fog now and then.

(Arcus ??????)

I...I have tried to distract myself from the negative thoughts that have been plaguing me as of late. Delving into the memories of the Survivors for more wholesome or at the very least comical moments. The rumbles of King, the failings of Dwight, the never say die spirit of Bill, the laughable oddities of Ash...It helped...For a time. My curiously brought me to look into the new girl. This mysterious Lynsie King has become taken with. Surely she might have something in her past that would be worth a chuckle or two. And there were a few I managed to find. The time she ran to listen to a song she liked and fell on her side after sliding in a sudden skid. The time she was jumping from large rock to rock with her younger cousin and slipped, ripping her skirt-shorts off and she had to hold it on till she was back home. The countless amount of comedy specials she'd watch on television. I wish I had more control as I should've stopped there. A blurred memory cleared up and I fell down a dark pit of sadness.

It's dark, the trailer called home is silent in slumber. A teenage Lynsie stands in the bathroom and stares into the mirror, tears streams down her cheeks as dark whispers fill her ears. Her gaze turns to the medicine cabinet. Shaky hands open it and reach for a bottle...Iodine. She scans the label before bad ideas play in her mind. She considers drinking it. But the smell has her question the taste. She heads to the kitchen, perhaps burying the taste in something else will work. She experiments with ravioli. It turns black in the iodine. Her mind fights itself, listen to the death call of depression, or listen to the instinct to stay alive. After a long twenty minutes of standing in the glow of a small nightlight, the tainted meal is trashed and the healing poison returned to its cabinet. She adjourns to her bed where sleep fails to come. No one in the home will ever know of this moment...or of the others.

[UNKNOWN TIME PASSES]

A few harsh trials have happened since that incident with Chops and the Doctor. I've had the good fortune of encountering the Hag. Hag wasn't so bad. That trial went so well I felt bad that the others were bashing pallets on her and taking advantage of her simpleness to play mind games that had her so confused that I managed to pop three of the generators on my own. It was so very strange and not at all what I've been used to so far.

Other than that, the others are taking trials more seriously and focusing on getting currency to barter with the Entity. Why this is I know not. Some look as though they want supplies or offerings. Others maybe want objects or cosmetics. David tells me something called The Hallowed Blight is coming but not to worry about it. Monsters get more aggressive and ugly, so no big deal. He has my back if shit gets rough. Tells me to get something nice with my earnings to feel better. While as nice as that is, it brings up questions I both want to ask and yet don't. I trust David. He's not going to steer me wrong. But he's also a tough guy that will downplay threats because HE can kick ass and not give a fuck about getting names. I'm not strong like him. So when he says no big deal, I'm inclined to be more on guard.

The call of the crows is heard. The trees sway. The air grows cold and a wave of fog rolling in makes four of us stand. A new trial is commencing. The black smoke consumes the soon to be victims and takes them away. The taken...Laurie, Ace, Quentin, and me.

[INTO THE FOG AND OUT ELSEWHERE]

The darkness fades and I find myself on a rug...in a house. My brain temporarily forgets this is made by the Entity, as memories try to crawl awake and build up hope that I've been freed by mistake. But this is not my home. Never will be. This is Lampkin Lane of Haddonfield and the one that calls it home is the monster called the Shape.

Haddonfield is a calm little town in the state of Illinois, without much going on. Or at least it was. If you were to ask anyone in the town, at the school or in a bar, if there's something off with Haddonfield, they'd decline. To accept that this was the birthplace of one of the purest forms of evil is hard. People living here have always felt safe and protected. There were no boogeymen or other shady characters in the night. No lurking, no skulking. People slept perfectly fine for decades knowing this for a fact. So when Halloween came about, the town’s folks were reluctant to accept that Haddonfield is now forever known as an evil place. Gossip and made-up stories flooded the town.

Nobody really knows what happened, or if it's safe nowadays. Some moved away. Others visited as morbid tourists. During the day, a common visitor wouldn't suspect a thing. But as the sun sets and night comes, an eerie quietness devours the town. People are afraid. And as you visit Haddonfield, you too will get afraid. Not only because it sits upon a dark history, but also because something is off. This isn't a real place, but instead a warped version of a reality that is no more. An Entity version if you'd like. A simple street with houses that witnessed the horrors that took place. A jungle gym where children once learned to climb. Sidewalks where fathers taught their daughters to ride a bike. All gone. Instead, it sits in the palm of the Entity, forever held in darkness.

Outside doesn't seem to be a smart bet for safety. Even if the starry night sky is tempting to observe. Inside is probably even worse due to small spaces constricting movement. Yet I take my time heading up to the second floor of this house, greeted by tacky wallpaper and random spooky abstract pictures. Windows and doors don't seem to be a thing on certain things. The house next-door is completely boarded up. The rooms upstairs are mostly empty. There's a locker, dirty mattress, a pallet that splits a double room, a dull totem that I break with ease, and a single generator in a very small closet type space. Not sure how much time I'll have before being found by this trial's monster, I get to work on repairing the gen. It's a slow process since I'm alone, but it can't be helped, there's only space for one to work on it. The confines of the room make the sounds of progress extra loud and the lights of the once dead home flicker with reviving life, a tell that someone is inside. Does this bother me? Yeah. But I've been getting numb to this. I keep my senses open for a single sound. Once that heartbeat plays in my ears I will go full crazy in an effort to avoid this super easy kill spot. Wiring this one seems to be more annoying than I first figured. A lot of repeating wires needing to be set right in dim flicking light.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

"Come on...I don't have time for this bull..."

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

"The fuck is going on out there?"

What killer can be hitting them so quickly? This is not going to be a good trial.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

[Breaking Point: Triggered. Resentment Tier I activated.]

Wait...That one sounded close. I pause working as the sound of fleeing footsteps clatter on the wooden floor...then up the stairs. I back into the generator as the shadows cross the walls moments apart from one another. A small one and a massive one. There's this crunching sound followed by a low scream...and a thud outside. Did...Did they get downed in a window and plummet to the ground. Brutal.

Heavy steps creep back my way and I feel my hair stand on end. This aura is dark. So strong I can feel it through the walls yet there's no heartbeat. The killer stops near the doorway, their shadow leaking into the room as something I vaguely recognize.

"...Big guy?"

Shape leans his head into the room before the rest of his form joins, blocking the exit effectively and showing the fresh blood dripping off his blade.

"H-Hey there..."

I'm not sure what the reason may be, but I'm suddenly more nervous than I'd normally be. He looks at the generator and then me. I feel my spine tingles move throughout my system. He takes a step, my body reacts and I drop to the floor.

"Mercy!"

He pauses.

"Please...You don't have to do this. I can't do much, but I am useful. Just...don't hurt me."

He mulls his thoughts over before continuing forward. I brace for a painful stabbing...only to hear a harsh thud. I glance over my shoulder as the second thud is made, he gave the generator two harsh kicks that had fire spurting from his boots with each hit. The engine sparks and smokes, progress has been regressed with damage. He turns away from the gen and I'm not entirely sure if he'll ignore me or not. Self-preservation mode is in effect.

"The guy you followed up here...Young looking, right?"

He takes a moment before nodding.

"That's Quentin. I think he brought a toolbox. There's another, older man, that's Ace. I think he has a key. I'm uncertain of the rarity. And the last one is carrying a flashlight, Laurie."

That name has his flame burn brighter. He grabs me from the floor and holds me to the wall, his blade to my throat.

"... .... ...."

For a man so soft-spoken he can be very harsh.

"Calm down, please. Does she mean something to you?"

".........."

"Oh! You have Obsession Rights on her."

He nods and I put my hands up.

"Then by all means...Go for it. I won't stand in your way."

He tilts his head so I continue to try to seem on his side.

"What? I haven't been having the best times with other humans. Why would I get in your way? How does that help me? You and them know what you're doing out here. I'm still figuring things out."

He eyes me before removing his weapon from my tender nape. Good. He's reasonable. Wish they were all half this easy.

*SHHHHHHUNK*

It's funny. I registered the knife hitting the wall before realizing it went through my gut to do so. Not a sound is made, thanks to my Skulker's Instinct perk. Shape stares at me, taking in the lack of screams even though my wide eyes are filling with tears. A harsh yank dislodges the blade. My legs resist the urge to buckle when he lets me go. Seemingly satisfied that he did something, he goes to leave and I aim to heal this bloody hole I now have.

"..."

He gets my attention.

"... ...."

"No do gens?"

He nods.

"Okay...*wince* Can I still do bones and loot chests?"

He shrugs.

*CLANK*

With that first generator being popped he leaves the room and I heal myself. If only that gen popped before the stab, then my tier one would've reversed. Once healed, I head down the stairs and decide to creep on all fours. I don't want to be spotted by the others right now. Now knowing the monster is Shape, it makes more sense why I couldn't hear the heartbeat. Shape's power makes him undetectable until he's built up enough murder-lust from stalking victims. I pray I won't come to know what happens when he's at max power. Then again, I know not what he plans to do with me once he is done with the others.

I leave the home and feel so out of place in this strange suburb street. There are mailboxes, childish fences, trash waiting for pickup, vehicles, a playground, and a road that on one end ends at an exit gate. Everything looks so normal. Like at any second, I'll see this neighborhood come alive with people going about their lives. But seeing the border past the houses breaks such ideas apart. This place is dead. A lie. A moment in time captured with all life removed from it. Well...all life removed but us.

I find a bone totem hidden behind some trash bins and tend to breaking it. Why I have to pick it apart and can't just kick the damn thing is beyond me. The totem dismantles with a loud crack, allowing me to move on down the sidewalk and ignore all other stuff going on.

*HIGH-PITCH SHIRK*

Sounds like Shape found Laurie. I wonder where everybody is and what they're doing? How are they all able to hide in this place? Is Shape on the others so much they can't work on generators very well or does he have a perk that's keeping their progression low? My thoughts are broken by this open sitting space. Trees and unkempt grass, a circle of benches lit up by three separate lamp posts. That's not what catches my eye. Behind the benches, even the lonely bench away from the others, are these large almost boulder-like rocks that are bigger than me. Fun memories come flooding back of playing on similar stones when visiting my Abuela. The urge to relive that feeling pulls me. I choose a rock pressed on a tree. A good sprint and jump are all I need. I dash towards to rock...but my legs refuse to leap as I want them to. Finding this odd, I grip the rock to pull up for better footing...and again my legs don't move.

"The hell...?"

[Having some trouble, little worm?]

God dang it.

"What did you do to me this time?"

[Not a single thing.]

"My legs won't move. I don't call that nothing."

[Your legs are fine. You are simply on par with the other worms now. Worms stay on the ground where they belong.]

I recall something the Doctor said while I was in his so-called "care".

"❄☟✋💧 🕈✌💧 ✌☼⚐🕆☠👎 ❄☟☜ 💧✌💣☜ ❄✋💣☜ ❄☟☜ ☜☠❄✋❄✡ ☼☜💣⚐✞☜👎 ❄☟☜ ☟🕆💣✌☠🕯💧 ✌👌✋☹✋❄✡ ❄⚐ 👍☹✋💣👌📬" (THIS WAS AROUND THE SAME TIME THE ENTITY REMOVED THE HUMAN'S ABILITY TO CLIMB.)

The pieces fall into place.

"But I was able to climb before. My first trial..."

Its voice mockingly chuckles in my head.

[Just how special do you think you are? The Entity allows all prey to be free their first time. It lets the Entity know what they are capable of.]

That makes sense. No better way to measure the worth of what you have than by letting it be free...For a moment at least.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

Sounds like Ace.

[Will you be letting Shape have all the fun? The Entity enjoyed watching your hunt of the other worms last time.]

I won't let it goad me into snapping. I just need to remain calm.

*LOW-PITCH SCREAM*

..REMAIN CALM!

I need to distract myself. If I let the failings of the others get to me I'll end up hitting tier two, and once in tier two, it is much easier to go tier three. Maybe I can hide in a locker and bash my head in till I blackout.

[If it was that easy, little worm, the lot of you would die much sooner. You are welcomed.]

"Stay out of my head, you fucking...!"

Sharp pain claws me from within. I'm brought to the ground and curling in on myself like a wadded up ball of tissue that's silently screaming.

[Do not forget your place, worm! The Entity controls all. If the Entity wills it, you will suffer horrors the likes of which would rend your mind to shreds. Your soul and very essence would cease to be. Do you comprehend this or shall the Entity prove it further?]

I fear further damage to my tainted soul. I yield. Meekly kissing the ground as penance.

[Yes. Embrace the dirt, lowly worm. The weak are bound to it. Only the strong...The beasts...Only they can rise above and know power. So, Lynsie...What are you? A worm? Or a beast?]

I can feel my soul tighten as if the tips of dozens of nails threaten to penetrate the fragile thing with each passing second. My mouth begins frothing with the start of foam from how much I'm straining and hyperventilating to just meekly resist this.

[Struggle all you wish, little worm, for it is in vain. You can either become a beast and hunt for the Entity, or you can allow your soul to become nothing and to nothing you will become. No matter your choice, the Entity will have what the Entity wants. The only difference being the amount of pain you wish to give or receive.]

It hurts. Everything hurts. Why? Why does this have to be the way of things?

"Lynsie? Is that you?"

From behind some of the bushes, Quentin crouch walks by to see my feeble form. I want to speak but can't.

"Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

Garbled gibberish is the best I can answer him with. His concern grows and my bloody shirt doesn't help.

"Are you changing? Please tell me you're not."

I shakily etch in the dirt "NO". This makes him feel better but the Entity hates it and proceeds to tighten its grip on my soul. The pain blinds me temporarily.

"Let me see if I can heal you. Maybe it'll help."

Quentin is kind. Optimistic like most teens. Even when it's very painfully clear that the odds aren't realistic. He puts his hands on me and attempts to heal. But since I'm not physically wounded...

"It's...It's not working. Why isn't it working?"

With my sight locked past Quentin, him trying his best to heal that which is beyond his understanding, I gaze into nothingness and see shadows come alive. Images of multi-segmented claws twitch and twist in unnatural motions that unnerve me to my core. Suddenly...I see a light. A faint glimmer that disrupts these chaotic tendrils of doom and restores a tiny bit of hope. Perhaps it's Laurie with her flashlight or Ace with his shiny key. Wait, was Ace downed or hung? I can't recall. The light gets clearer as it draws near. It's not from a flashlight. It's Shape. His glowing silhouette and glistening blade become easy to see as he draws near. He aims for an easy strike. I'm down and Quentin is distracted. Two birds to be killed with a sharp stone.

I...I have to warn Quentin. He needs to run while he still has the chance.

[Are you sure about that?]

I attempt to speak, to do something good, and increase Quentin's ability to live. But all that comes out is guttural hissing. Quentin is understandably confused and most likely thinks I'm responding to healing efforts. Shape gets closer, readying his weapon for a harsh backstab.

[Choose now, Lynsie. Be a worm...Or a beast.]

Panic floods my system. Even though I know death is meaningless here and I'll basically re-spawn, the amount of buildup plus the pain to my soul has logic being thrown out into the void. My body responds without thought.

[Breaking Point: Triggered. Resentment Tier II activated.]

"Wa-wait, what are you doing?"

I quickly grab at one of his ankles and gab my thumbnails as hard as I can into the thin debilitating tendon that meant the end for the great Achilles. Quentin howls in pain and thrashes away from my sudden assault.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

A low rumble reverberates from my throat and I crawl away like a nervous cat.

"I am not a worm."

My words go over his head, his attention goes to healing himself and I watch as the embodiment of hellfire stalks right up behind him.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

The knife is plunged so deep into Quentin's back that Shape has to pull it out while pressing on Quentin with his foot. The look on his face as he locks eyes with me is one of hurt betrayal. Like, you can literally see him think "Why?" and hear the song "How Could This Happen To Me" by Simple Plan play. He doesn't get to crawl away. Shape scoops him up and glances at me. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Thankfully, he merely nods and walks away to find a hook. The stranglehold on my soul easing to stable comfort.

[Not bad, little beast. You get points for creativity.]

The Entity is pleased, causing me to shudder and wander off. I lashed out in forced desperation. Makes me feel sick.

*LOW-PITCH SCREAM*

Quentin's been hooked. This whole trial is bullshit. How is it fair that the Entity can just interfere like that?

[If you think this is unfair, wait till you encounter some of the other perks the Entity granted to the monsters. Take the Clown for instance. His "Bamboozle" perk allows his vault speed to be faster as well as calls upon The Entity to block that Vault location for several seconds. Only one Vault location may be blocked this way at any given time. But even this is enough to ruin even the most skilled of the worms.]

Are you fucking serious?

[Plague and Ghost Face have perks that affect generators. "Corrupt Intervention" answers her prayers to invoke a dark power that meddles with the Survivors' chances of survival. 3 Generators located farthest from her are blocked by The Entity for about 120 seconds at the start of the Trial. Survivors cannot repair the Generators for the duration Corrupt Intervention is active. And "Thrilling Tremors" pulls from his dark designs and shrewd composure to rouse The Entity. After picking up a Survivor, all Generators not being repaired by Survivors are blocked by The Entity and cannot be repaired for the next 16 seconds.]

Are you shitting me right now?!

[Nightmare has a perk called "Blood Warden". As soon as the Exit Gate is opened, Blood Warden is activated. The Auras of any Survivors located within Exit Gate areas are revealed to him. Once per Trial, hooking a Survivor while Blood Warden is active calls upon The Entity to block both Exits for all Survivors for up to 60 seconds.]

...Words can not fathom the levels of absolute hate I am feeling right now.

[Good. Use it. That girl, Laurie, has yet to be hooked. It would be wise to do so. At this rate, you will not earn much by the end of this trial.]

Leave me alone! I don't care about bloodpoints. Besides, that's Shape's target. I can't kill her.

[Do you really think she will allow herself to die to you? Who are you to believe the worms would actually fear death from you? Worms only fear beasts.]

I am not a worm!

[So you say. Yet you act as though you are a worm. You have fear in your soul. A beast has no such weakness.]

I know what you're doing! I won't fall for this!

[And what pray tell is the Entity doing?]

You want me to crack. To give in a be just another cog in your feeding machine.

[You are that regardless of being a worm or beast. The Entity does not care which you are.]

Then remove the scaring on my soul!

[No. You will not lose your punishment so easily.]

You're so full of shit it isn't even funny.

[All beasts have blight on their souls. You are no different. The only difference is the amount. Once you embrace what the Entity has given the scars shall minimalize. Till then, they will only grow and fester the more you resist.]

I growl to myself while stumbling upon another bone totem and begin working on it. I'll say it again, this entire trial is bullshit.

*CLANK*

Case in point, the second generator is finally activated. And not that far away either. I don't think Laurie has been downed this entire time, she's pulling her weight and more. Good for her. At this rate, she'll most likely make it out alive.

[Do you think that's fair? That Laurie will live but you will not?]

I continue to work on the totem and ignore the whispering, I don't need it listening to any more of my thoughts.

[Have you not been through enough? Everything that has tried to break you, you overcame in spite. You have had very few moments of peace. Even now, everyone and thing seeks to tear you apart for some reason or another. Do you not find it wrong for them to not aid you as they do the others? That the worms and even beasts think they can use you as they please.]

I'm finding it hard to focus when it is using truth.

[Should you let them get away with that? Letting their actions go without consequence? Where is that relentless drive to live? That spirit to prove others wrong? Where is the woman that made her inner demons submit? You do not need to put up with mistreatment. You are so much stronger than they realize. Show them their hubris. Make them regret their misdeeds. Let them know of the mistakes they made by hurting you. Give them a taste of true fear. Grant them this gift...The gift of true suffering.]

I have stopped my task at this point. It has made a very convincing plea. I am so tired of being looked down on. Being used. Being shunned. I just want to be shown respect or they very least be left alone. Why should the others treat me with such disregard? What did I do to them to call for such treatment? And the monsters...Even they have scum among them. They can't get away with this.

No! I can't give in to these thoughts. I'm better than this. Than them. I won't stoop to their level. I don't...

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

I don't need to...

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

I DON'T FUCKING NEED TO...

*LOW-PITCH SCREAM*

[Breaking Point: Triggered. Resentment Tier III activated.]

I NEED TO FUCKING END THEM!

[Special Ability: Anomaly State...Activated.]

...

Shape watches the young boy struggle against the Entity on the hook. A pointless waste of energy. No one would try to rescue him as long as he was there. At least, no one in their right mind would.

*HARSH ROAR*

This new sound pulls the monster of flame's attention.

[Grillby...]

"..."

[The little beast is free. Do not interfere with her rage. The Entity wants her to accept her place. Do you understand?]

"...Yes, Master."

A sudden flash blinds Shape, forcing him to recoil back with an irritated steamy hiss.

"Quickly, we need to regroup with Ace. Lynsie's snapped."

The sound of the hook being messed with is heard.

"Right."

By the time Shape's vision returns, he witnesses Laurie and the one called Quentin, now unhooked, flee into the street. The Entity told him not to bother with the odd one, but it didn't say stop attacking. It's time to stop playing on easy. While still able to see them, Shape stares hard at the humans, building up his intensity for the kill. The darkness inside feeds his determination to take the life of his prey.

[Evil Within II: Triggered. The Red Stain is now visible. Aura-reading Abilities now work. Terror Radius is active at a range of 16 meters. Regular Movement speed increased by 115%. Regular Lunge range open time: 0.5s. Slightly increased Vaulting speed by 1.48 seconds.]

Now that Evil Within II is active, he has no means to return to Evil Within I. Things will only get worse for the humans from this point on. Where his left hand was relaxed and swung freely mid-chase, the knife pointed slightly outwards and he had stiff restrained deliberate movement...Now left hand is clenched into a fist and held rigidly at his side, less-restrained freer movement. All the better to stab them with.

The pair race into a home. Shape follows. The Scratch Marks they leave behind in their sprint are like neon bread crumbs he can trace back to the main loaf that's itching for his knife to cut into. The scratches split, one leading upstairs and the other down into the cellar. Knowing Laurie, she's the one upstairs. He heads downward for the easy target. After all, the boy is still injured and bleeding. Save the best for last...heh.

There isn't much down here. The room loops full circle with two ways of entrance/exit. A single generator looms at one end of the room, it has not been touched. Though it's the space of multiple lockers that he knows the poor fool has sought safety in. A bad idea. The blood tells him where the boy is, but where is the fun in getting to the point? He moves to the locker next to it, his eyes not looking away from the real prize, and opens the empty box with force before slamming it shut just as hard. He moves to the other one beside it and repeats the same violent search.

*hurt gasp*

Perfect. The prey is terrorized. Nothing quite like scaring the literal crap out of someone. Shape reaches slowly for the handle and...

SLAM

The doors fling open, stunning Shape as the boy springs out for escape. Big mistake. Quickly spinning on his heel, Shape manages to catch the wounded boy with a mighty slash.

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

The boy falls and is at his complete lack of mercy. He probably had that "Head On" perk and thought it would be his trump card. Too bad for him it also causes the Exhausted status effect. Now it was time to end it. Kicking the boy over, Shape makes sure he sees what he brought this trial...an Ebony Memento Mori. Quentin's eyes bug out of his head.

"*gaps* Oh fuck..."

[Yes...Do it...Claim the kill...Do it, Grillby!]

The token glows and Shape's flame burns bright in delight. He snatches Quentin in a flash by the neck and thrusts his knife deep into the thrashing boy's chest. Bloody spills from his mouth and chest, he's choking on it. It deafens his screams. As if the human was made of butter, Shape forces it in deeper till the blade breaches out the spine. Shape watches the light fade in the boy's eyes before tossing the cold husk to the ground. More. More needs to be ended.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

A heartbeat? Ah...Legion's "toy" is near.

*SCREECH*

"Shit! Fuck!"

The floorboards above clatter with panic running.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

What sounds like ravenous animal chases after the male.

Knife is raised above his head, pointing downwards.

*WILD SNARL*

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

Hmmm...Maybe she's more interesting than first thought. At least she was smart enough to be after the male and not his Laurie. Speaking of which, if she's dealing with him then where is...

*CLANK*

...Sneaky bitch. At least that made her location noticeable. Steam escapes the mouth of Shape's mask, the thrill of killing THAT girl, his obsession...It had his heat being shown in visible air warping waves. Something about Laurie...Something in his soul burned for her death. She pissed him off. Her lack of fear towards him demanded him to break that. To go all out and teach her that was to be feared. He is what goes bump in the night. He is a devil that will burn all in fire. And she will learn this no matter how many times it takes. Time means nothing here and death has no end.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

*SHARP HISS*

"Nice save."

"Run, moron!"

*ROAR*

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

The playground. The humans were looping the "little beast" around the objects and pallets before blinding her with that infernal flashlight. Shape supposed the Entity calling her a little beast is fitting. Her appearance...Long untamed hair flared in her anger. Blacked out eyes with glowing white irises that seeped darkness itself down her pale flesh. Her limbs looked extended slightly, claws tipping her hands and exposed toes from which she stands upon. A crazed posture and matching sadistic grin indicate she is lost, lost in the madness of kill. But for as lost as she was, the two humans were more so as they soon noticed that there was a monster to their left and right.

"Shit."

"What do we, Laurie?"

"I don't get it. Why didn't she turn back after the gen pop and flashlight?"

Was that really your great plan, Laurie? Did you fail to notice something's wrong? Someone's missing?

"Where's Quentin?"

The question is asked and it makes the air get colder.

"Hey..."

Little beast gets Shape's attention, taking advantage of the humans' lack of understanding the tongue of monsters.

"That key he has...It's a Skeleton Key."

Shape's grip on his knife tightens. A key of that level can open the hatch if spawned and found. The Hatch will become visible whenever the number of fully repaired Generators exceeds the number of living Survivors by one. 4 Survivors remaining: 5 repaired Generators/Exit Gates are powered. 3 Survivors remaining: 4 repaired Generators/1 Generator left. 2 Survivors remaining: 3 repaired Generators/2 Generators left. 1 Survivor remaining: Spawns and opens regardless of how many Generators remain to be repaired. If she now counts as a monster, then the rule of 2 survivors 3 generators is active. That means a hatch has spawned and that key is a problem, only dull and skeleton keys open the hatch.

Feeling the growing tension, Ace fidgets as if moving to break away from this awful situation but it only sets off the little beast. She lunges at the older male and in a move of self-preservation, shoves Laurie in the way as a human shield.

*HIGH-PITCH SHIRK*

Four deep gashes slice Laurie's side, putting her in the injured state. This move, however, has two effects. One, it's hurt a human that normally is tough for any monster to deal with. And two...It's pissed Shape off. He builds up his need for murder.

[Evil Within III: Triggered. Regular Terror Radius of 32 meters. Regular Movement speed increased by 115%. Slightly increased Lunge range open time: 0.6s. Moderately increased Vaulting speed of 1.275 seconds. When triggered, all Survivors suffer from the Exposed Status Effect. Evil Within III lasts for 60 seconds, after which it regresses to Evil Within II.]

With his knife raised above his head, pointing downwards, Shape wastes no time charging in and cutting down the key holder...

*LOW-PITCH YELL*

Then backhanding the would-be-monster in the face, much the shock of her and the human.

"*growl* What's wrong with you?!"

Shape rumbles like a furnace ready to blow.

"...Mine!"

He points his blade at the human that is too puzzled to flee even though she could. While understanding him, it doesn't really make the little beast any more accepting of the hit and she barks back at him.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

In her eyes...He sees that same spark in her eyes as he does in Laurie's. The lack of fear. His fire flares in intimidation, it fails on her. She takes a bracing stance before pouncing on him, the towering monster of flame throws her to the ground. She recovers quickly and attacks with all the precision of a charging rhino. It surprisingly takes some strength to hold her back and a greater surprise when she starts giving off a pure monster aura.

"I won't be treated like shit! Not by you! Not by them! Not by anyone! Do you understand?! No one!!"

He can feel it. She's pushing him back. The Entity is fueling her with strength to prolong her transformation. If this keeps up she might actually become a threat.

*whimper*

They both pause at the sudden sound. A slight look to the side shows the two remaining humans have gone to heal in some shrubbery. The realization hits Shape before her and he uses the confusion to stop this now...by punching her in the gut and stabbing her in the head. Little beast staggers drunkenly then falls over hard, not dead but incapacitated. More important matters are in order.

...

[Most interesting, little beast. The Entity never thought you would be so brazen. You have earned all that comes to you this trial.]

My eyes stiffly open. My head is pounding like it was hit by a truck. Every part of me feels like it hasn't moved in hours. With a shake of my head and a long yawn my senses return, I remember everything. I'm still in the trial.

*HIGH-PITCH SCREAM*

Laurie? Oh...Oh fuck, I cut Laurie bad. What the fuck Ace? What dick throws a teenager at a monster? I need to do something good for once.

Wearily, I get on my feet and head towards the yellow aura in the distance. I'm much slower than I remember being. Probably feeling exhausted. I hope to sleep after this. Feels like I might for a whole day. Heh...If only.

I make my way behind the houses and into a backyard. There, a hooked Laurie struggles against the Entity's claws by a grave. I ignore this weirdness and reach for her, the least I can do is free her.

"How are you alive"

I look at her funny as she grunts coming off the hook.

"What do you mean?"

"You took a knife to the brain!"

"What?"

I feel my head and my hair is sticky wet. Huh? Go figure. My focus is wavering and she snaps her fingers.

"Stay with me. We need to find Ace's key."

"Wait...You're not mad at me?"

I sound like a child afraid of being grounded.

"Mad? No."

"R-Really?"

She takes my hand and drags me along.

"Come on. We have to go before he comes back."

She seems to know where she's going. That's good. Why didn't Shape hook me? Did he expect me to bleed out? Makes sense to me.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

"He's near."

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

She squeezes my hand.

"Laurie?"

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

Peering around some cover, we find Shape standing under an empty hook, most likely on top of the key.

"We need that key. He won't let us pop two gens and open the gate."

I don't think we're on good terms after my freak out. So asking him nicely is gonna be a no go.

She looks off in thought.

"I'll be bait..."

This takes me back.

"He'll chase me. I know he will. And when he's far enough away, you rush in and get the key."

I shake my head, both to get the dizziness to stop and to disagree.

"No. You can't risk it. If hooked again it's an automatic sacrifice."

"We have no choice. You're in no condition to evade him. It's the only option we have."

I'd like to say what I do next is selfless...But I know damn well it's not.

"New plan...I lure him out and you get the key."

"How? You can't possibly move as fast right now."

I rub my hands richly through my hair and coat my hands in what blood there is. I'm in the injured state so I know I'm still wounded and bleeding.

"Who said I have to be?"

It takes her a moment to put two and two together.

"Tell me what I need to do."

I smirk and give her the details.

...

It's quiet. Too quiet. No sound other than the crows. Shape stares out from his post over the key. He knows the women aren't dead. He saw the alert when Laurie was unhooked. If they're smart, they attempt to work on generators together. No sense trying for anything else. Of course, there's a shot another key will be in a chest somewhere. But the odds aren't favorable. And even if they do try repairing generators, his spot has the perfect range of both gates. This is territory after all, he knows it better than anyone else inside and out. There's nothing they can do to...

*HIGH-PITCH SHIRK*

...Surprise him?

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

No...She couldn't have. No human can attack another.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

"Yo, big guy..."

She casually strolls onto the road and licks her hands. The crimson is incredibly noticeable on her skin.

"I see why you like her. She's fun to cut into."

Her cheeky smile makes him flare.

"Well, I'm off. Gonna go see if I can Mori her head off."

Human or monster, this little bitch needs to learn her place. You don't touch his Obsession!

"...No!"

She pauses and he bolts for her, the girl nearly leaps out of her skin before scampering on all fours. Something isn't right. There's an awkwardness in her gallop and she isn't dropping pallets. She turns around a large van but he retreats, heading back to ensure the key remains where he left it.

"Hey!"

He ignores her. It's not like he can't kill her at any point.

"Don't ignore me!"

Sudden weight hits his back. She's dared to leap on him like a crazy monkey. She's become a very annoying pest. Rather than grabbing her off, to teach her a lesson, he instead takes off running before leaping at a car and aiming for her to be slammed under his weight.

*ROAR*

The move works. She's off of him and indented firmly in the hood of a police car. She isn't going anywhere. Now to get back to the key before Laurie.

"I found it!"

Her voice echos. They baited him. Clever girls. Well, it's not like the weird one can get to her in time.

*grunt*

The sound of metal creaking as weight comes off it alerts him of his wrong thoughts. They lock eyes.

"In case you're wondering...That didn't count as a true attack."

A fiery roar bellows from Shape's core and another chase ensues. Now it's serious. She's slamming pallets and vaulting for shortcuts. Does she know he's not in tier 3 anymore and not at max speed? No, it doesn't matter. The longer the chase, the more he catches up to her and Laurie.

"Open it!"

His sight leaves the beast woman to see the blonde in the circle of benches with the key in hand. Laurie unlocks the hatch, the key staying in the latch and slowly dissolving away like a timer. Laurie leaps into the hatch and escapes in the darkness.

She gone...Laurie got away...And it's all this one's fault!

*HIGH-PITCH ROAR*

The stab catches her mid-stride, sending her tumbling and careening into a bench. This woman...This pain in the ass let his prey escape. She's just like Legion...trash.

[Such a shame. She was doing so well too. Oh well. Better luck next time then. Finish this, Grillby.]

Shape goes over to the pathetic wench and grabs her leg, dragging her over the still open hatch before pinning her partly to the ground with his blade. Panic has her clawing the ground yet she can't move without slicing into herself. The key fizzles out. The hatch violently snaps down on her and her roar is deafening out the sound of bones being crushed.

"... ... ... ..."

"*wincing* G-Go fuck yourself!"

Yep. Just like Legion.

The hatch opens, as she is the only remaining human in the trial. Yet he further denies her this freedom. He pulls her out, knife and all, then kicks the hatch closed. End Game Collapse has begun. She's doomed now. No key to re-open the hatch, no means of healing out of the dying state, no way of repairing generators, and no team to open the gate. She's all out of tricks and no amount of begging will work either.

"*coughing blood* Come on...Do it! Kill me!"

No. This one is not worth the use of his Mori or the glory of the hook. She will die right there. On the ground like the garbage she is. He walks off to destroy fallen pallets.

"*dying rage* D-Don't...Don't fucking ignore me! Kill me you flaming bastard!"

But her calls fall on deaf ears. Shape does not respond. The world rumble and the crows take the sky. She eventually becomes quiet. The sound of wood breaking is all he hears.

*SCREAMING ROAR*

That was a chilling sound if ever he heard one. The Entity has claimed her. It would be a kinder death if she had bled out, but he had no such pity for her. With her death, the trial is over and the world crumbles into a reset. He slowly removes his mask, letting his fire burn freely and stares off at the moon. Next time Laurie...Next time you won't escape.

"...Mine. Only mine."

[AT THE SURVIVOR'S CAMPSITE]

I wake up in a panic and thrash at the ground. Clawing at the dirt and biting obscenities due to the pain in my chest. It takes the combined efforts of David and Jeff to keep me still long enough to settle down. For once there is no fighting upon my return. Despite my actions, the others didn't point blame at me or tell me I'm a freak. Some wish to hear more of my aggressive turn on Shape while Laurie even goes as far as to offer to teach me one of her perks in thanks for escape. I decline for now, too shaken and sore to keep my thoughts straight. I need some time to myself. David, being my unofficial but probably gonna happen because it's obvious man, keeps an eye on me from his perch on the sitting log while I'm near the camp's border with my back to the others. The pain in my chest pleads for my attention. I don't wish for them to see this. I carefully recall the instructions Doctor gave me and summon my soul. The soft glow emanating from the multi-colored heart is warm. What ruins it are the scars. They've filled in again. Though...They don't look as bad. Shivers run through me as I slowly use my nails to scrape the blight out, wincing and whimpering when I can't hold back the pain. But I have to do this. If it buys me some time then it's worth it. It feels so weird. It's thick and oozy like blood yet solid like a clot. Gross.

[Elsewhere: Killer Shack]

*CLANG-CLANG*

"Tra la la. The meeting will now come to order."

Wraith materializes and gets the other killers' attention.

"It has come to our attention that something...odd...has taken place. Tra la la. Shape?"

Shape, leaning on a wall in the back, merely shrugs and looks at his knife as he recounts his trail.

"... ... ... .... ... ..."

The room is shocked.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE ATTACKED YOU?"

Trapper questions.

"... ..."

"DON'T BE A SMARTASS! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID PERFECTLY FINE!"

"❄☟☜☠ 👎⚐☠🕯❄ 🕈✌💧❄☜ ❄✋💣☜ ✌💧😐✋☠☝ 💧❄🕆🏱✋👎 ✈🕆☜💧❄✋⚐☠💧. 💧☟✌🏱☜ 🕈✌💧 ✈🕆✋❄☜ 👍☹☜✌☼." (THEN DON'T WASTE TIME ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS. SHAPE WAS QUITE CLEAR.)

Doctor talks down to Trapper, earning him a nasty glare.

"Ah, it makes sense now. The girl is as rebellious as Legion. No wonder he chose her for Obsession."

Plague comments with a coy smile. Legion mumbles curses to himself under his breath.

"🏱☹☜✌💧☜...🕈���✌❄ 🕈☜ 💧☟⚐🕆☹👎 👌☜ ☞⚐👍🕆💧✋☠☝ ⚐☠ ✋💧 ❄☟✌❄ ❄☟☜ ⚐👎👎✋❄✡ ✋💧 👍✌🏱✌👌☹☜ ⚐☞ ☠⚐❄ ⚐☠☹✡ ☝⚐✋☠☝ ✌☞❄☜☼ ⚐❄☟☜☼ ☟🕆💣✌☠💧📪 👌🕆❄ 🕆💧 ✌💧 🕈☜☹☹. 🏱☼⚐✞✋👎☜👎 💧☟☜🕯💧 👌☼⚐🕆☝☟❄ ❄⚐ ✋☼☜ ✌💧 ⚐🕆☼ ☞☜✋☼✡ ☞☜☹☹⚐🕈 ☟✌👎." (PLEASE...WHAT WE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON IS THAT THE ODDITY IS CAPABLE OF NOT ONLY GOING AFTER OTHER HUMANS, BUT US AS WELL. PROVIDED SHE'S BROUGHT TO IRE AS OUR FEIRY FELLOW HAD.)

Doctor steps up to be front and center.

"✋ 🏱☼⚐🏱⚐💧☜ 🕈☜ 👍✌🏱❄🕆☼☜ ⚐🕆☼ 🕈✌✡🕈✌☼👎 💣☜💣👌☜☼ ✌☠👎 🏱🕆❄ ☟☜☼ ❄☟☼⚐🕆☝☟ ✌ 💧☜☼✋☜💧 ⚐☞ ❄☜💧❄💧..." (I PROPOSE WE CAPTURE OUR WAYWARD MEMBER AND PUT HER THROUGH A SERIES OF TESTS...)

"oh hell no!"

Legion barks.

"after that stunt you pulled, you aren't going near my human outside of trials."

The others look at Doctor suspiciously but all he does is look off to the side dismissively.

"🕈☟✌❄ 👎✋👎 ✡⚐🕆 ☜✠🏱☜👍❄✍ ✡⚐🕆 👌☼⚐🕆☝☟❄ ☟☜☼ ❄⚐ 💣☜. ✌ 💧⚐🕆☹ ☹✋😐☜ ❄☟✌❄📪 💧🕆👍☟ ✋💣🏱⚐💧✋👌☹☜ ☼✌☼✋❄✡📪 ✌💧 ✌ 💣✌☠ ⚐☞ 💧👍✋☜☠👍☜ ✋ 🕈✋☹☹ ❄✌😐☜ ✌☠✡ ✌☠👎 ☜✞☜☼✡ ⚐🏱🏱⚐☼❄🕆☠✋❄✡ ❄⚐ 💧❄🕆👎✡ ☟☜☼. ☜✞☜☠ ✋☞ ✋❄ 💣☜✌☠💧 💧❄☜✌☹✋☠☝ ☟☜☼ ☞☼⚐💣 ✌ ☞⚐⚐☹ ☹✋😐☜ ✡⚐🕆." (WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? YOU BROUGHT HER TO ME. A SOUL LIKE THAT, SUCH IMPOSIBLE RARITY, AS A MAN OF SCIENCE I WILL TAKE ANY AND EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO STUDY HER. EVEN IF IT MEANS STEALING HER FROM A FOOL LIKE YOU.)

His blunt condescendence only makes Legion snarl.

"Anyway...Tra la la...Aside from that, this account marks another time the Master has gotten involved in trials the lamb was in. Tra la la. Any thoughts as to this development?"

"Ain't clear? It wants the punk to be more like us."

Huntress adds.

"While I agree, the timing is something needed to be taken into account."

Pig interjects.

"She's right. *cough* The Hallowed Blight will soon be here. The signs are starting to appear in my realm. *hack*"

Clown states.

"the hell is the hallowed blight?"

Ghost Face snickers to himself.

"what's so funny, robo-douche?"

"Heh...Oh, nothing. Just ignore me."

Legion rolls his sockets.

"can we skip all this filler bull and get to the point? tell me the challenge so i can leave you assholes to fuck all."

Is it any wonder why Legion isn't respected?

Wraith nods to Nurse and she approaches Legion.

"Very well. Take this and prepare. I would wish you luck but I rather see you swallow your pride in failure."

She hands over a scrap of folded paper and Legion takes it with malice.

"yeah? i'd tell you to break a leg but it looks like you're an overachiever there."

She hisses.

"Small moronic child."

"senile old goat."

A stare down happens for a few moments before Legion takes his leave.

"...anyone else hoping that fucker gets taken this time?"

Nightmare asks, to which many of them nod in agreement.

[IN THE SURVIVOR'S FOREST]

It had been enough time in their minds. Surely she had settled down since that dumb shit went down in Léry's. And even if she hadn't, it doesn't matter, she owes them a favor she can't refuse. She belongs to them...To Legion. Plus they needed to go over the challenge so it's not like this was a social call.

{do you really think now's a good time? what if she's all worked up and the other humans spot us?}

Boo points out.

{don't be such a little bitch. we went out yesterday. we ain't goin' today.}

Chops berates.

{sounds like someone is uncertain. do not have doubts, boo. we are legion. we are only as strong as we are united.}

Dead-Eye spouts whimsically.

{*scoff* what went up your ass and made ya say such pussy shit?}

{your mom after i fucked her to death.}

{oh, ya one-eyed freak! ya wanna go?! 'cause that's what's gonna happen if ya say shit like that!}

{you do not have the guts, little man.}

"shut the fuck up, both of you! we need to focus."

Bones reprimands.

"all we have to do is stay hidden, get her attention, and lead her out here for a chat. easier than stealing chili from cannibal."

{big talk comin' from the guy that wanted to switch out to boo like a wuss forgetting we can only swap in our realm.}

Bones ignores the obvious rage-inducing jab. His sights set on more important things. Light catches his eyes. The campfire is near. And it isn't too long before he's reached the treeline.

lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...lub-dub...

She's close. That's helpful. Even more helpful was a sudden movement in the corner of his eye. She stands near the edge of the camp, her hands full of glowing goop.

"Yo, David..."

She looks over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the haunting faint blue of Bones' eyes in the shadows. The sight has her forget momentarily what she was doing.

"Need somethin', Luv?"

A male built like a house sitting on a log speaks. Upon closer inspection, the guy is recognized as a notorious jackass among monsters. Great. She's close to that schmuck. Figures.

"I...I need to get rid of this gunk. I'll be right back."

The gruff man nods.

"Stay close. I don't like ya bein' out of my sight for too long."

Well, that didn't sound like a creepy dick thing to say.

"Will do."

She makes her way into the woods and he slowly follows. A fair out of earshot distance is reached before she digs into the ground with her shoe's heel.

"So...How long have you been watching?"

He leans on a tree near her. Better to keep some space if she is feeling crazy.

"not long. just got here. um...is that...?"

"Yep."

With a deep enough hole made, she kneels and drops the goop in.

"After the trial I had, I needed to clean out my scars."

She covers the blight and turns to him.

"they any worse since last time?"

"Not really."

"good."

"Bones, I get the feeling you're not here to ask about how my soul is."

He nods, retrieving the paper from his pocket and unfolding it.

"we got our first challenge."

A serious expression comes to her.

"Go on."

He reads.

"hit all 4 humans within a single use of feral frenzy with the last hit being on the obsession."

"How hard is that on the difficulty scale?"

"our power is feral frenzy. while feral frenzy is active, we move faster and gains access to the additional abilities of pallet vault and feral slash. hitting a human with a feral slash puts them into the injured state and inflicts the deep wound status effect. additionally, this refills our power and all humans within our terror radius not already afflicted with the deep wound have their location revealed to us. if the hit human was already afflicted with deep wound or we miss the attack, feral frenzy ends immediately. hitting a human with a basic attack while feral frenzy is not active will deplete the power by half of its maximum."

"In simple terms?"

"*huff* feral frenzy lasts for ten seconds, not counting add-ons or hitting boosts. so unless the four of you are within forty meters of us, it's going to be pretty damn hard."

She folds her arms.

"So we're fucked then?"

"i didn't say that..."

He pushes off the tree to stand near her.

"we've done this before. it's hard, but not impossible. the tricky part will be hitting you last. might take a few tries to nail."

She closes her eyes in thought.

"True. I'm the only one cooperating. The most I can do is try to keep the group together and push others to be in your path so I'm the last one. Other than that I can't see much else I can do."

"that's more than what we'd get without you."

Her eyes open, holding a slight sadness to them.

"what? what's with that look?"

"Huh? Nothing. Just overthinking."

He doesn't really care.

"about what?"

Yet he still asked. A weak smile graces her.

"Was...Was Shape mad at me?"

The fuck?

"what?"

"I know. You don't have to say it. I'm aware of how stupid that sounds. But...*sigh* I don't know. He didn't seem like such a bad guy. And then I went all beast mode on him. Ugh...Human, Monster...No matter what, I end up ruining anything good that potentially comes my way."

Such a pity party made him sick.

"who cares..."

He puts his hands behind his head.

"it doesn't matter what the others think. nothing in life comes easy. you just got to live for yourself and flip the rest of the world off. otherwise, you'll lose yourself trying to be something your not."

She stares at him funny.

"I think that's the nicest thing you've said to me so far."

"*scoff* don't get used to it."

"And here I thought Boo was the nice guy."

Her tease has his cheekbones lightly gaining some color. It pisses him off.

"don't make me stab you. you know i will."

"Fine, be that way. I was only trying to compliment you. I don't know what it is, but the moment we seem to get along, you default to 'gonna stab you'. Makes it really hard to want to try in this partnership."

She moves to pass him and head back to camp...but he grabs her arm.

"we didn't say you could go yet."

She eyes him funny.

"What else is there to say?"

He smirks.

"i'll owe you for it. nothing will be off the table. i promise. those were your words, remember?"

He feels her stiffen in his grasp.

"I said that to Chops. Not you."

He chuckles.

"how easily forget....we are legion. the four of us are one. what you say to one is said to us all."

She cuts an f-bomb off by biting her tongue.

"Fine. A deal's a deal, loophole or not. I don't break my promises."

His grin widens and she sneers.

"now don't be that way. i've already told you we're not like that."

She shoots him a look.

"Oh? And I suppose the knife blowjob was just a cute gesture of friendship!"

If Bones could mentally kick Chops and Dead-Eye's asses he would curb-stomp their tibias to dust.

"that...that was...uh...*groan* that's what happens when dumbasses think they can get away with stupid shit because they feel like badasses. i had nothing to do with that."

Much to her uncertainty, he lets her go and some of her guard is put down.

"ask yourself this...have i done anything like that to you?"

She sighs through her nose.

"No. You haven't. You've had the opportunity to, but didn't. So...what is it that you want then?"

He circles her a bit before stopping behind her and leaning near her ear.

"before our trial together, come to mount ormond resort. and wear something a bit more...comfortable."

Taking his words the wrong way, she spins around to slap him...but her hand is caught with ease.

"heh, too easy."

"You two-faced pervert!"

He glares.

"you were freezing your ass off last time. maybe get a jacket or something. dumbass."

Her expression softens.

"I...I'm sorry."

"damn right you're sorry."

He pushes her away.

"i like fucking with you. don't confuse that for anything else."

She pouts. This is far from the same woman that tussled with Shape.

"you can go now. we've said all we had to."

Now it's his turn to leave.

"Wait, Bones..."

Maybe it was the slight urgency in her voice or the quick footsteps that made an effort to go after him, but despite better judgment Bones comes to a stop. He wearily looks back at her from over his shoulder.

"I...I know that you all have names. Real names. Not just the ones given by the Entity or humans."

Where is she going with this?

"When I heard Doctor call himself W.D. Gaster...I've been questioning if the names you guys gave me are real or not. It's a big line I'm crossing by asking...yet...What is your true name?"

It's weird when she thinks. Such random things alter her personality. Things like this made her soft. And soft is not as appealing as one might think. Looks weak. Bones doesn't like weak.

"what if they aren't our real names? what does it matter to you?"

Her eyes dart from his, to his back, the ground, and then the emptiness behind her lids. She shakes her head and turns her back on him, slowly walking off. Why? Why did this bug him? No snarky retort or fake dismissal to cover up still intact curiosity? Just...Nothing? That...bitch!

"lynsie..."

She pauses though doesn't look at him. It pisses him off more. He runs up and punches her in the back of the head.

"Ow! The fuck's your issue?!"

"my issue? knock this shit off. it's pathetic."

"Man, fuck you."

"fuck you!"

"Fuck you!"

"fuck you, infinity!"

They glare harshly at one another. Teeth bared and growling. Tension building like a shaken soda can. This was better. There was determination in her eyes. He tosses her a bone.

"*huff* get your crap together and maybe i'll tell you later."

She becomes confused. Like that's something new.

"Tell me what later?"

He shakes his head with a small laugh.

"you're hopeless. you know that? think about it."

He takes his leave once more.

"later, meat."

He's already hidden among the darkness and trees when he hears her voice a final time.

"Thank you!"

Humble chuckles escape him.

{what's so funny, bones?}

Boo questions innocently.

"just thinking that we have an odd taste in women."

The other voices in his head fall silent, making him laugh. Things are going to get interesting next time.

[AT THE SURVIVOR'S CAMPSITE]

I arrive back at camp with no trouble. A few questionable looks are shot for how long I was gone and the shouting heard. But fuck'em. Bones is right. Screw what they think. I need to return to how I used to be before I got here. I need to focus on myself.

"Everythin' alright, Luv?"

...With maybe a random exception here or there.

"Yeah..."

I sit beside David.

"I'm feeling a lot better now."

He smirks and puts his arm around me. Nothing in life comes easy. But this? This right here? This is worth fighting for. I lay my head on his shoulder and enjoy the peace for however long it may last.

[IN THE SURVIVOR'S FOREST]

The black dirt shifts ever so slightly. A tiny withered husk barely breaches the surface with renewed life having soaked in the tainted goo that was buried atop it. This undead seed cracks. The top of its shell giving way to a small seedling. A sprout paradoxically enlivened by its death. The first Pustula has emerged. The season of Blight is nigh. And with it, hell itself is to be unleashed.

[nosferatyou]

Double Indemnity: Ch.1 (Josh Kiszka x Reader)

Summary: After an incident their freshman year they could barely stand to look at each other. Now it’s their senior year and are grouped together for their final project. What could go wrong?

Warnings: Cursing

WC: 2.3k

Authors note: Well. I flipped into Josh’s lane and thought of this sucker and couldn’t get it out of my head. After I heard the story behind the writers of “Double Indemnity” I just had to make this. Heres to me hopefully finishing a series! Enjoy!

Let’s go back to the day when I “met” Josh Kiszka and when I actually met Josh.

It was the summer before my freshman year of college, and at that point, film sets weren’t a stranger to me. But I sure didn’t have the experience that most of the already film majors around me had. I was roped in by my long time friend Jack who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation, but due to the circumstances, he needed as many crew members as possible. He had 2 days to write, shoot, and cut together a short film. I was a PA (production assistant) and was frantically running around helping in any way I could. I was smart enough to stay out of the way and speak up when needed.

 I met most of the crew except one, the cinematographer/camera op, who was the busiest on set. The exception being Jack, who was the director. I heard the camera OP was only there because he had the nicest camera, but my mind may have tainted what I heard about him that day.

With only an hour to spare we had finished the film. All of us dehydrated and starving, sleep-deprived too. I was cradling a horrendous migraine from the lack of water and was ready to leave before someone suggested we go to Cookout. Which is arguably the best food at 3 am. 

Against my will, I was dragged to the fast-food restaurant with the rest of the crew. At that point, I was barely conscious and sat in the back seat of Jack’s car. The stranger cinematographer who I hadn’t noticed was next to me until he tapped my shoulder. With a concerned look, asked me if I was okay and needed anything. Which was nice of him considering we’d never spoken. 

After the short exchange of words, he never seemed to fully leave my side. May it be his glances from across the table with the same concerned look, or him bring me cups of water, which I still don’t remember him getting up for. 

After that night it would be months until I see him again. 

I didn’t expect him to be in my Post Production class, but I was definitely happy to see him. It was my first day of classes and to see a familiar face was a nice change of pace compared to whirlwind of a day. Though it wasn’t too long after that that my feelings for him changed.

If you’re a film student you’re going to edit a Gunsmoke fight scene, it is basically a right of passage. Anyways I was an experienced editor and of course, was going to cut the fight scene to the beat of an Ennio Morricone song. If we were going to work on a western scene then Ennio was a must. 

 I was damn proud of my work, I seemed to be one of the best editors in the class, josh being right there with me. We didn’t exchange many words, but we kept each other company by simply sitting next to each other. 

Then came the critique day, when everyone watches your video and gives you notes. Usually its never good notes.

 After our class watched it everyone had a lot to say, mostly over small slip-ups I didn’t notice, that’s normal. Josh’s video was next and the moment the music played I was livid, he had used the same exact song, even cut it the same way I did. The worst part was that no one had anything bad to say about it, all good comments. I kept it contained, for the most part. I didn’t verbally say anything, but my constant tapping and dirty looks in his direction said otherwise. I don’t think he’d noticed.

I waited until everyone left and simply gave him a piece of my mind. Maybe I snapped at him… either way, it led to us getting into our first screaming match. Josh saying he “didn’t” copy my video and me disagreeing. I honestly don’t remember how it ended, but I do remember us getting kicked out of the building for it. 

Anyways that was three years ago, and we still hate each other. Yet here we are still in all the same classes, but the difference is we have silent warfares. Constantly competing with each other, showing each other our higher grades, and besting each other’s videos. I can barely stand to hear him talk anymore, but I do have to say. He knows how to make a good line. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even with the cold chill of the November air prickling my skin and the wind whipping my hair, my mood couldn’t be damped. Maybe “chill” is an understatement. Living in “The City by the Lake” aka Chicago brings on the harshest of winters, and as crazy as it seems, I always weirdly miss it when I go back to Michigan. Sure it has it’s many feet of snow, but Chicago makes the wind weirdly dazzling. 

This is my last coffee, I’ll switch to tea. Is something I say every morning when I get up before classes, but here I am again, with an out of place cold brew in hand and a raging caffeine addiction. In hindsight, it is better than my previous vice, cigarettes, but the headaches it brings on is just as bad as missing a cig. My one hand shoved in my pocket and the other is clutching the same cold brew as before. I may have said that I couldn’t be bothered by the weather, but I’m not immune. 

As soon as I enter Columbia’s Media Production building everything becomes flush with warmth. Its a bit uncomfortable really. I remove my gloves and quickly checked my phone, affirming that I’m right on time as always. As I stroll through the halls I tune more into the music, enjoying my free time. There is just something about Chet Baker and Chicago that just mixes so well. 

Todays a good day though, it marks my one year of quitting cigs. Did I mention that I quit? Because I quit. Anyways my roommate made a big deal out of it, I also figured out the coolest riff, I’m kind of shit at making music out of thin air so it’s a big day. 

After taking the long way to my Directing class (Cinema Directing III if you want to get technical) I finally made it to the small class. Most of the class was there, luckily for me my two-year seat partner, Gwen, was already there, waiting where she always does. We met in our Single Cam 1 class and have been inseparable since, well actually Gwen, Cora (the previously mentioned roommate), and I have been inseparable ever since. 

I made my way to my usual seat and peeled my overworn leather bomber jacket off, already feeling more comfortable. Slumping back in my chair I lazily grabbed my sketchbook and pencil out of my bag. Its become a kind of habit to draw my professors and classmates every day, something is just so fascinating about their compositions. I got to work on Gwen who was hunched over, focusing on her book in front of her. I got to work and as soon as I finished up on the basic shapes she quickly sat up, focusing on me. 

“You ready for the final project?” She questioned, stealing my coffee in the process.

“I’ve been working on a few ideas already, but then again I don’t know the assignment yet. I do know I will be grabbing the usual 4 of you the moment he says “groups.”

“Heres to hoping we can pick- Oh!” She almost spilled my coffee when she interrupted herself. 

“I forgot to text you! Happy one year of being ciggy free!” She exclaimed, handing me back the bottle.

I took a swig from the bottle when she gave it back. “Well thank you, darling. I feel like having clean lungs shouldn’t be such an achievement, but I guess here we are.”

“Be proud! Besides gives us a reason to head to Jerry’s.”

“We’d celebrate over anything if it meant going to Jerry’s and getting pissed.” I smirked at her.

“Well. You got me there. Anyways you are right, we will be getting drunk out of our minds tonight. Bless the man who decided to open a bar directly next to your apartment building.” She said, with a playful smile on her lips.

“Bless him indeed.” I laughed. 

At that moment I locked eyes with none other than the aforementioned, Josh Kiszka. It’s oddly enough what we do every time we see each other. Which is more often than I think both of us care for. But seeing him roll his eyes every time I glare at him is kind of fun. 

I followed him with my eyes as he sat down in his seat, instantly sticking his nose in- wait what is he reading? I focused and realized he was reading the screenplay for Tarantino’s “Reservoir Dogs.” Where the hell did he even get that? 

My eyes snapped up to the professor when I realized he started class.

“Alright, I’m just going to jump into this. Today we start on your final projects, and I think it’ll be very fun. A challenge for sure, but fun nonetheless.”

I slipped a sly smile to Gwen, already thinking of the best ideas in my arsenal to use.

“In groups, you all will be recreating a favorite film, but it should max be 20 minutes long. Now that’ll be your job to rewrite and format it so you can fit in the timeframe. Oh, and I swear to god if another person does Pulp Fiction I will actually scream. You can hold me to that.”

Oh Jesus okay this will be hard as hell, I guess something with a simpler plot will be easy. Ooh, or something that’s so overcomplicated I can rewrite it so it’s simpler. What’s something that’d be good for Gwen, she’s a good actress, but she can only play so much-

“I already have your groups picked out let me just put them up on the board.” My professor said, searching for the list on his computer.

Oh god. He’s never done this. We always pick groups. If Gwen and I aren’t grouped together I may just riot. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him drag the document over to the screen, so I quickly directed my attention to it.

I searched all of the lists, finally finding my name at the top of group four. Rob, Eric, and- Oh shit Gwen! Wait. There’s one more. The moment I saw the J I knew exactly who it was. My eyes darted over to Josh’s seat and had the same look I could only guess that was on my face. We both glared at each other, if we stared any harder we’d burn holes in each other.

“Motherfucker!” I whispered to Gwen, trying not to raise my voice.

“What? We are in the same group.” she looked back over to me with confusion on her face. She followed my eyes to the equally angry man across the room from me.

“Oh, shit..”

“Oh shit is right! I can’t work with that guy, I swear to god… Damn it, I can’t think of an insult! Quick help me!” I stammered out, you could practically see the steam coming out of my ears.

“Um... You can’t work with that Frodo look alike?” She suggested, both of us whispering to each other now,

“I’ll take it. I can’t work with that Frodo look alike! He’s just gonna take all of my good ideas and throw them into the lava like that fucking ring. Wait is it Frodo or sam who throws it? Know what, I don’t care. Look at what he’s making me forget important plot points in movies. I can’t work with someone who hinders my thinking process.” 

“First off, Gollum falls in with the ring in hand. Secondly, drink your coffee and focus on what movie we should do. Suggest something so good so fast that it’ll make his head spin.”

She put the almost empty coffee in my hands and I took a swig, still glancing back at josh, making the same face. 

Gwen started to ramble on, her words in the back of my mind. All I could focus on was wanting to be in any other group than his, even Leonard. He refuses to watch a Tarantino film, and simply because he thinks he’s beyond that. Leonard is someone I talk to if only necessary.

 I tuned back in to hear. “I mean if you think about it, as much as you and Josh are to Frodo and the Ring. You’re more like Billy Wilder and Ray Chandler. I mean they hated each other, but damn if they weren’t good writers. Plus, they respect a good line-”

Inspiration was swept over me. I knew exactly what we had to do. Before I knew what was happening my feet carried themself over to Josh’s seat. Same as before, we both had the same expression, except this time it was one of surprise. 

“Double Indemnity!” I blurted out a bit too loudly.

He seemed even more confused. “Double insurance money?” He questioned.

“Fuck. No. It’s the film we are going to make. It’s a fantastic idea, and it’s happening. Not even you can argue with me!” I sped out.

He sat for a moment in thought, his brows furrowed together and a cliche hand positioned on his chin. 

“Fine.” Is all he said, his arms were crossed. He seemed defeated.

I simply turned on my heel and headed back to my seat. An overexcited grin plastered to my face. 

[makeste]

BnHA 235: How Do I Turn This Flashback Off

Previously on BnHA: Re-Destro plucked off three of Tomura’s left fingers like flower petals and also destroyed one of his Emotional Support Hands in the process, prompting Tomura to have more flashbacks. We learned that AFO specifically gave Tomura the hands so that Tomura would never get over the trauma of the whole experience (like, he even told him this directly, wtf). We then got more flashbacks of Hana, as well as new flashbacks of Tomura’s mother and grandparents. Our boy then started to use his quirk on RD with only two fingers, which prompted RD to be all “wha?!” and let him go and finally realize that Tomura was going through a good old-fashioned shounen awakening process. Not wanting to be on the wrong end of this, he powered up himself and tried to finish Tomura off. But as he tried (and failed) to deliver a final blow, Gigantomachia finally came storming into town. At the same time, Tomura finally remembered everything (!!!) and got this really sad look on his face, and holy shit you guys the hype for this next chapter is real.

Today on BnHA: The tragic story of the Shimura family is finally revealed in all of its inevitably doomed glory. This chapter deserves an introduction from Lemony Snicket. This is not a fun time you guys. Baby Tenko was pure and idealistic and wanted nothing more than to be a hero just like All Might (and hey thanks Horikoshi, that was a nice heart I had once before you ripped it out and stabbed it 27 times here), and his father was a bitter and broken man harboring unresolved abandonment issues which he needlessly took out on his own children because humans are flawed and sometimes terrible. And we all know how the story ends, so if you happen to not have the stomach to watch terrified little boys being beaten by their parents, or cute little dogs getting hugged and then crumbled to dust offscreen, or if you don’t feel like getting faked out by Horikoshi half a dozen times because he’s a fucking troll who knows full well what he’s doing, might I suggest putting this chapter down and taking a stroll on over to the theater next door? It’s not too late to see a film about a happy little elf.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

  YESSSSSSSSS

YOU GUYS, I HAVEN’T EVEN FUCKING CLICKED TO THE CHAPTER YET AND MY HYPE HAS ALREADY ASCENDED TO NEW UNPRECEDENTED HEIGHTS. DID I NOT SAY??

AND LO AND BEHOLD, MY GD MIND IS BEING LOST AS WE SPEAK OMG

anyways so yeah I fucking called this back in chapter 222, along with a zillion other people I’m sure. but still, feels good

and this officially makes Tenko the fourth character to receive an “origin” chapter now, after Deku (chapter 01), Shouto (chapter 39), and Katsuki (chapter 62). so that’s actually a pretty big deal! this whole thing just makes me really happy because I love seeing such a carefully planned character arc come together, and it’s so pleasing and gratifying to see the pieces falling into place exactly as they should. it’s like watching one of those “oddly satisfying” youtube compilations. this is the manga equivalent of this. god I can’t wait to watch it play out

anyway so here’s the color spread we were promised last week! awesome

look at all of these characters we haven’t seen in a couple months. it’s a testament to how thoroughly entertaining this arc has been that I haven’t missed class 1-A nearly as much as I would have expected. which isn’t to say I don’t miss them dearly! but it’s just, normally I’d be practically going through withdrawals if you took my favorite characters away for such a long time. and I mean, we cut away right when Kacchan and Shouto had finally gotten their hero licenses, and Deku was going through “AFO’S POWER!?!?” angst, and so forth! and then we just left them for almost half a fucking year! that’s insane!!

but like, the shocking thing to me is that I genuinely have been pretty cool with it. that’s how compelling this arc has been to me. it’s nothing at all like the Basement Arc where I was all but ready to start slapping posters of Bakugou’s face on the walls asking “HAVE YOU SEEN THIS CHILD?” like, I am sincerely shocked to tell you the truth. this arc could go on for another month or two and I probably wouldn’t mind, so long as the quality remained this high. and that’s the biggest compliment to Horikoshi that I can think of. good fucking job dude

that being said, I don’t think this arc will continue much longer, and it is awesome to see the 1-A kids again all the same, so let’s just take in this page real quick before finally getting on to the Tragic Tenko Memories action

I like how Bakugou and Deku have both incorporated elements from their hero costumes into their orange ensembles for no real reason. but they are literally the only two characters who have done this, so I feel it’s worth pointing out

speaking of things that are there for no real reason, Bakugou also has a string tied around his ankle just completely at random. someone want to tell me what’s up with this? should I start inspecting the other characters’ ankles to see if there is a matching one

Mineta looks super cute, there I said it. I’m sorry but it’s true. let’s just cut him out of the rest of the manga moving forward and only have him randomly hovering in the background every so often. Mineta you can’t fly so what are you even doing dude

All Might is just completely defying gravity. just standing on absolutely nothing at all at a 45-degree lean. everyone else who’s mid-air is at least in the process of jumping or landing. but not All Might, no ma’am. he just doesn’t give a fuck

I see you there Inasa. up there spreading joy. and lest you guys believe Seiji and Camie were left out, let me assure you they were not and they are actually chilling over on a bridge just below Bakugou’s mystery bracelet. so that’s nice and also I still ship them yep

Miruko is here which gives me hope we’ll be seeing more of her soon! yes please Horikoshi do this for me

Hawks has no right to look so bored when he so recently texted Dabi a picture of a backpack sitting on his front porch with the caption “your package from Amazon has been delivered.” you are the reason Best Jeanist isn’t in this cover spread, Hawks, so what do you have to say for yourself

Todoroki has the fondest fucking expression on his face, and if you follow his gaze I swear to god it’s landing on Bakugou of all fucking people which makes me believe that contrary to everyone’s initial expectations, he is the one who actually has the matching ankle bracelet. that’s right kids, it was TodoBaku all along, we’ve all been played. either that or he’s looking at Tokoyami. idk guys the whirlwind teenage romance drama continues

anyways I hope everyone is good and cheered by this page, because we’re about to step back into our bleak and violent villain narrative now so say goodbye

okay so the first page is basically just RD thinking about how he’s refined his “stress” ability since childhood and that it can’t be dodged easily, but Tomura still managed to do it

and then we’re cutting to Tomura’s face which has the same sort of weary shell-shocked expression we ended the last chapter on, and ffff you guys I’m not ready but here we go anyway I guess

hooooooly shit

that is some good dramatic imagery. can’t wait to see Viz’s version when it comes out; that last panel definitely deserves to be seen in its fully restored glory

but anyway, so! that’s the Papa Hand! he just took it out of his pocket! and now he’s just holding it and staring at it! SHIT’S ABOUT TO GET REAL HERE YOU GUYS. THE SHIT IS ABOUT TO BUST THROUGH THE WALL AND WATASHI GA KITA THIS BITCH

why does he look so happy oh god :’D this is about to fuck me up isn’t it

so he remembered all the details of the Shimura Massacre and now he’s thinking that he really is just a vicious killing machine? is that what it is? oh god Horikoshi just show us already I can’t take it

but first we’re cutting to Re-Destro posing villainously and looking for all the world like that demon from the “Night on Bald Mountain” segment in Fantasia. I don’t know if it’s intentional or not, but the art for RD these last couple chapters has been giving me a strong old-school Disney animation vibe. they came up with some scary stuff back in the day

Horikoshi really got us rooting for the guy who’s arguing for the destruction of the world. smdh. like I said, we’re being played

OH NO OH SHIT HERE WE GO

okay, without knowing anything at all about the context of this scene, I immediately suspect that this shadowy man tipping his hat toward Tenko and Mama Shimura might be All for One up to his bullshit but let’s see

(ETA: this is probably Mikkun and/or Tomo-chan’s dad actually. but I’m still watching you, mister.)

oh shit oh shit oh shit you guys aahhsdfhshah

SHIMURA KOTARO. THERE HE IS, AT LONG LAST. NANA’S SON OMGGGGG

HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HER AND YET HE’S SO STERN AND UNFRIENDLY. WHERE IS THE TRADEMARK SHIMURA SMILE, OH GOD I’M NOT READY FOR THIS ANGST

let me guess, it was a “in this house we don’t speak the H-word” rule. with the four-letter h-word in this case not being what you might typically expect

also! black hair! so that’s also confirmed! so I guess it changed color due to his trauma? oh god

and you can see he’s got the little scratches which were hinted at in the previous chapter, but they’re not nearly as bad yet. I have to assume that habit got much worse also due to the trauma. oh god. again

I haven’t watched that new HBO show about Chernobyl yet, but I feel like this is kind of what it must be like? knowing full well that Very Bad Things are about to go down but not being able to do anything and having to just watch as it all plays out. shit

anyways yep. no h-word allowed

so he was five! one whole year older than I thought omg. my mistake

in other news guys, I’m currently researching how to build a machine that will let me enter a fictional two-dimensional world and then travel back in time in that world to rescue and adopt a small child who needs lots of hugs omfg anyway so if anyone wants to help me out I think it’s a worthwhile endeavor

...why did I laugh omg. Tenko why is your dad the most dramatic bitch

(ETA: in all seriousness I think we should investigate the possibility of the Shimuras being distantly related to the Todorokis.)

HIS ALLERGIES ARE ACTING UP DAD HAVE A FUCKING HEART

anyways it’s all good because Hana will go visit him and they’ll sneak into dad’s office and she’ll show him the picture of their grandma to cheer him up. and then I’m sure eventually his dad will see reason and they’ll sort out their issues and they’ll all live happily ever after. la la la

so now Grandma is suggesting that Kotaro has maybe been a little too harsh on Tenko lately. yes Grandma make him see reason please

also I’m really curious as to whether or not Grandma is Kotaro’s adopted mom, or Tenko’s maternal grandma. if she is the adopted mom I love her even more and that makes me even sadder about their deaths, because they took in this boy whose mother basically abandoned him and then later DIED HORRIBLY, and they did their best to raise him with love, only for AFO to come along and eventually murder the lot of them which is so fucked up I can’t even. they deserved better

Kotaro has such a jaded look in his eyes here that it’s hard for me to be mad at him at all even though he’s being a jerk dad

he’s had a really rough life. yes he’s being a jerk but he thinks he’s doing what’s best for his children though. fml why is this shit so complicated

okay this next page is kind of conflicting on the are-they-or-aren’t-they-his-adopted-parents thing sob

like on the one hand, he literally calls them mom and dad. but then two panels down Tomura says they’re his parents-in-law. so what is the truth. maybe it’s not him talking to them in that first panel? or maybe he’s just really tight with his in-laws idk

anyway so now we’re cutting to Tenko and his mom, and this is the sweetest thing ever and why are you doing this to me Horikoshi!?

FFFF OKAY BUT!!

BABY TENKO’S LIL TRAIN SET OMG SO CUTE. AND IS THAT A PLATE OF ONIGIRI ON THE TABLE. TENKO YOU MADE A MESS AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN FINISH IT, SUCH A TYPICAL FIVE-YEAR-OLD OMG

THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF ALLERGY IT IS?? AND IT ONLY ACTS UP WHEN HE’S AT HOME. THIS IS SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK. WHAT KIND OF FOUL PLAY IS GOING ON. OR IS IT JUST STRESS?

MOM SECRETLY SUPPORTS HIS DREAM TO BE A HERO AND HE’S OPEN WITH HER ABOUT IT I CAN’T

MIKKUN AND TOMO-CHAN! OH MY GOD DID YOU GET INTO A FIGHT TO DEFEND YOUR FRIENDS AND THAT’S WHY YOU GOT INTO TROUBLE I FUCKING CAN’T HE WAS SUCH A GOOD BOY. HE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF DEKU HERE HOLY SHIT

(ETA: they even look alike.)

cuuuuuuuuuuuute

OH MY GOD

SHIMURA TENKO WAS AN ALL MIGHT FAN CONFIRMED OMFG?!

you guys. that is a lot of emotions that just hit me all at once holy shit. where do I even begin

first of all this continues the pattern of “origin” chapters showing how the characters in question admired All Might when they were growing up. we’re 4 for 4 as of now. I love this

second, it just hit me like bam to learn that Tenko felt drawn to All Might, knowing how they’re actually connected. All Might doesn’t even know (yet) that Nana had a grandson, and Tenko has no idea that his childhood hero is actually his grandmother’s protege. and yet he still winds up admiring him even without that knowledge. pow right in the feels

and lastly, I wouldn’t have thought this whole situation could get any more fucked up, and yet Horikoshi still managed it! Tenko goes from looking up to All Might and wanting to be like him, to hating him and wanting nothing more than to hurt and destroy him. fucking ouch you guys. god but that one hurts

oh and also you better believe I immediately went to the wiki to see if there were any characters around Tomura’s age whose first names might believably be condensed to Mikkun or Tomo-chan. specifically, I went to Miruko first because I wasn’t sure if she was one of those characters whose hero name was similar to her actual name! but sadly her actual name is Rumi. so much for my “Miruko and Tomura were childhood friends” theory which lasted for all of two seconds but was a wild ride while it did

you guys baby Tenko has the chubbiest little boy legs lmao I love him so much oh god. and also on a more serious note this makes presentday!Tomura’s almost emaciated appearance all the more jarring. tack on yet another reason to hate AFO to the list. it’s getting to be a really long list

the parallels between him and Deku are off the fucking charts you guys. this is getting ridiculous. god I’m so weak for this kind of storytelling dfsldkjfk

don’t think I didn’t notice the enormous rack you went and gave Tenko’s mom, Horikoshi. but you know what I’m going to allow it because this is just so fucking good and also because for once he’s being pretty subtle about it all things considered

adult!Tomura’s narration is shockingly insightful here

like, he’s so in touch with his five-year-old emotions, and also his understanding of how this all affected him in hindsight. that’s a lot of self-awareness for a guy who only just remembered all of this like thirty seconds ago

doesn’t Tomura have like a 5/5 on the intelligence score according to the character book? for a longest time I was really skeptical about that, but the more I see of him in this arc the more I see that it’s not just talk

oh my goddddddddd

LOOK AT HIS FACE OH MY GOD. he’s fucking entranced. you can tell he’s instantly captivated by her

HORIKOSHI NO, WHY

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS YOU BASTARD

son of a bitch. well now I’m more subscribed than ever to the theory of Hana also surviving and being taken in by AFO in secret. she can’t be dead! she wanted to be a hero just like him! brother and sister heroes! Horikoshi I s2g if you really did kill her off I’m going to kick your ass. this is the exact spot where I’m drawing the line. this is how much angst you are allowed to have. right up to here and that’s it. the rest of the family can be dead, whatever, it’s sad and it’s fucked up, but don’t you dare touch Hana or I will...!!

and they promised. they made a brother-sister promise about what they were going to be when they grew up! and Tomura only just now remembered it! lord help me this boy is going to need all the therapy after this

OH NO

THAT DAY oh my god this is it strap yourselves in kids, we’re about to luge down this icy hill of Dead Family Feels and I don’t know how to fucking luge you guys

he’s so fucking happy. I’m so fucking stressed rn

oh GOD

TENKO DON’T MOVE!! DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING! OH GOD. HOW DO I TURN THIS FLASHBACK OFF THAT’S IT WE GOOD I’VE SEEN ENOUGH!!

LDSKFHHHH

KOTARO NO GO AWAY, EVEN IF YOU’VE BEEN A JERK DAD YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS AND TENKO DOESN’T DESERVE THIS, AND GOD, ALL FOR ONE CAN FUCKING BURN IN HELL, THIS IS SO FUCKED UP

AHHHHHH

OH GREAT THE WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY IS RIGHT THERE! JUST FUCKING PERFECT. THIS IS ALL GOING TO END SO FUCKING WELL I CAN’T

OH SHIT

KOTARO YOU’RE SUDDENLY CANCELLED YOU FUCKING DICK, BUT YOU STILL DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE, BUT HOLY SHIT YOU SUCK!!! I DIDN’T ACTUALLY THINK YOU’D REALLY GO THROUGH WITH IT BUT I GUESS I WAS GIVING YOU TOO MUCH CREDIT YOU RAT BASTARD

I’M GLAD MAMA SHIMURA IS YELLING AT HIM NOW BUT I ALSO HAVE A TERRIBLE FEELING THAT HER RUNNING TO INTERVENE IS GOING TO SPARK A CHAIN REACTION, GIVEN WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN OH GOD

(ETA: or maybe I gave her too much credit. turns out there was no intervening to speak of.)

anyway so now Kotaro is yelling “that’s not your grandma!”, and I can’t decide if this is anger or something else on his face in this moment, which unbeknownst to him is one of the final moments of his life hahaha sob somebody help me how do I stop this ride

also Mon-chan keeps barking and I know that’s going to end really badly in just a moment as well ugh. it’s like those final few seconds after a grenade rolls into a room and everyone sees that the pin is missing and they know what’s about to happen but they can’t do anything to stop it. we’re all gonna die folks

oh no it actually was Something Else on his face oh fuck me

I’m fucking furious at Horikoshi right now for pulling this shit again and giving this scene so much complexity. there’s so much going on here that we’re never even going to get the chance to unpack because it’s all about to go to shit. and Kotaro is an absolute bastard, but he’s also a man who’s still reeling from the pain of being abandoned by his own mother and never came to terms with that. and yet that absolutely does not make this okay in the slightest, at all, and it’s abundantly clear that he is still very much the bad guy here and that what he’s doing is unforgivable. I just really like that he went and gave him this much depth despite him playing such a despicable role here. god BnHA is so good

anyway back to being devastated

HE LOOKS SO FUCKING TERRIFIED AND I’M SO MAD ABOUT EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW HE DIDN’T DESERVE THIS!!!

MOTHERFUCKER HERE IT COMES

[takes a deep breath and clicks to the next page!!]

hey what the

not the panel I was expecting with Tenko reaching out defensively and touching his father and accidentally turning him to ash while the rest of the family shrieks in fear and shock, but okay. I can’t say I was exactly looking forward to seeing that so I’ll take it!

oh Horikoshi. you see, this is exactly the type of shit I’m talking about

okay Kotaro, I can feel sorry for you in this moment and sympathize with the child-you who did not deserve that at all, and also feel yet more rage toward AFO for utterly destroying this family. but that doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely hate you at the same time for what you did to your son. it’s just like that. you had reasons but you’re still a dick. just BnHA character things

Horikoshi why oh my god

RIP SHIMURA FAMILY YOU DESERVED BETTER AND YOU WILL BE AVENGED!!

and yet all the same that does not make it right for you to take out your pain and frustration on your helpless five-year-old son! YOU FUCKED UP KOTARO. but this next page is still going to hurt oh god

[takes another deep breath!!]

oh okay we’re still drawing it out

-- holy shit, wait a sec. is this all taking place after? wait a fucking second

okay you guys holy shit, I just went back to the “house my father built” page and it is very clearly segueing into another flashback. like, in hindsight it’s obvious, but these aren’t actually Tenko’s memories any more. I think what happened was that Kotaro actually did hit Tenko another couple of times and then that was it, and then it cut back to this scene here which is actually taking place after that incident

which means Tenko’s memories were indeed tampered with then if my hunch is right!! let’s read on, but I’m pretty sure AFO is about to come along and murder the shit out of these folks, holy shit is this really happening?!

okay so Mama Shimura is telling Kotaro that she’s done following his rules

like, I’m glad she’s standing up for her children but I really wish she’d rip him a new one much more severely than this though

though he does seem genuinely regretful. but that’s hardly helpful now?? girl just take the kids and leave

oh no we’re cutting back to Tenko and he’s hugging Mon-chan out in the backyard and it’s nighttime now noooooooo

all right, for the third fucking time I’m going to take a deep fucking breath and turn the page holy shit you guys this chapter is taking years off my life

ffff ffff ffffffff

(((╹д╹;)))

(⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾;;;)

(φ Д φ )

...well shit

parting thoughts:

I’m okay with this being the only bit they show and not getting any more detail. please for once don’t give us any more detail, Horikoshi, holy fuck

though if we don’t actually see anything, part of me is still going to suspect AFO of directly interfering right up until the end of the series. the whole thing just comes together too perfectly for him. there’s no fucking way

I still 100% believe he gave Tenko the quirk, too. especially now that we know he was quirkless until age five. we’ve previously established that if a child hasn’t evolved a quirk by that age it almost always means they’re quirkless for life. Horikoshi thinks he’s smooth trying to play it off like Tenko was a tragic late bloomer but WE KNOW THE TRUTH. I will go down with this theory damn it

I would say this is easily the single most fucked up thing we have seen in this series up to this point, but I see Horikoshi eyeing the upcoming Noumu plotline and the tragic tale of Tsubasa and his fucked up mad scientist grandpa and looking for somebody to hold his beer, so. I’ll just keep my mouth shut, I think

anyways this chapter was amazing and terrifying and I can’t wait to see how Tomura’s story moves forward from here. happy 5th anniversary of BnHA, y’all

[rmjagonshi]

You asked for prompts. Will you do mutual pining teen stans as they build the stanowar and imagine whisking thier brother away to be all alone on a ship??? Pretty please?

I didn’t ignore you, anon! Promise! I hope this fits what you were looking for. I have never written a song fic before, so, I hope it’s okay that I did that.  

Song by Michelle Branch (All You Wanted)

Stan Pines wasn’t jealous of his brother. Sure, Ford got a lot of attention from teachers and old grannies, and their father, but Stan wasn’t jealous. Ford was interested in nerd things, like math and chemistry and monsters…well, monsters were cool. But still, Stan had other things. He had…well…he had…

What did Stan have?

Ford had his smarts and Stan just kind of tagged along for the ride. But that was okay. He had Ford. They didn’t have much else, but they had each other. And that was enough. That was enough for years.

When the schoolyard bullies came to throw rocks and shove dirt down their pants, at least they were together and they could help each other up. And when their father decided he’d had enough of their shenanigans and wailed on Stan with the metal end of a belt, well…Ford was there. They were never alone. They always had each other. And they always would.

~I wanted, to be like you. I wanted everythingSo I tried, to be like you, and I got swept away.~  

But still, it bothered Stan sometimes that Ford was obviously the epicenter of their dynamic duo, and Stan was the poor helpless planet caught in Ford’s orbit. Ford was smart and creative and always had the answer to everything. So, Stan started trying to be like him. He picked a book at random from the library shelf and tried reading it. But the words blurred and he didn’t understand half of what he was reading. And it was so boring. I was talking about shapes or ‘faces’ or bonds…Stan didn’t understand. The book cover showed a picture of a rock and some weird drawn shapes where you could see all the sides.

When book reading failed, Stan moved onto experiments. Experiments were more fun than reading because he got to mix things together and watch what happened. But one too many explosions and one used fire-extinguisher later, Stan was banned from doing experiments without Ford’s help. That only left school. So Stan tried doing well in school. But school work was even harder than book reading. Math was just a jumble of numbers and symbols, and history was all memorizing facts and dates. None of it was interesting, but his grades did improve, if only marginally. He was so excited when he’d studied all week for a test and got a B-. A B-!

That was the best grade he had ever gotten EVER! He was so happy he raced home after detention to show it to Pa, finally something of worth to show him. But Ford had gotten there first. Of course he had. Ford didn’t have detention. Ford had gotten an A+, as usual. All of a sudden, the lousy B- didn’t mean much. He didn’t bother showing it to his parents.  

Stan went back to just tagging along and helping out his brother. He wasn’t jealous, but he did kind of wish Ford was so horribly bad at something, so Stan could be good at it. After one bad run in with Crampelter, Stan dragged himself and Ford home to their mom to get bandaged up. Through ringing ears and two black eyes, Stan heard his father tell him he was signing them both up for boxing lessons.

Boxing lessons were more horrible than Crampelter. At least with Crampelter, they could run away or hide or something. And they didn’t always cross paths with the bully. Boxing lessons were every other day and you couldn’t run. Both Stan and Ford came home sore and beaten more and more, but their pa never let up. No friends but each other, no support from family but each other. They clung together tighter and tighter.

~I didn’t know that, it was so cold, And you needed someone to show you the way.~

But boxing lessons paid off in the end. Stan was getting stronger. He stuck close to Ford and together, they stayed mostly out of trouble. Stan on his own would always wind up in detention, but Stan with Ford was able to weasel his way out of most things. Sticking with Ford made Stan aware of the crap Crampelter pulled when Stan was in detention. They both got bullied, but Ford had it bad. He had tried to hide the cuts and bruises and missing notebooks, but Stan saw them. Ford didn’t stand a chance. The next time they were cornered in the field behind the school, Stan fought back. He tackled the lard-butt and wailed on his face with all his strength until Crampelter kicked him off and rode away on his stupid bike. Stan got detention and was grounded for a month, but he didn’t care. When he’d held out his hand to help Ford up, Ford had looked at him like was was some kind of hero. From then on, Stan was the muscle, and he would protect Ford at all costs.  

~So I took your hand and, we figured out thatWhen the time comes I’d take you away.~

It wasn’t long after that they found the boat, and the dream of sailing away on the Stan O’ War, just the two of them, was born. Stan threw himself into fixing the Stan O’ War. If no one else wanted them, then they would go somewhere else. Bullies didn’t really pick on Stan anymore. He was popular, exactly, but he was left alone enough that he was a 'pseudo’ jock. Ford wasn’t so lucky. Sure, people liked him, he was smart and could help them with their homework, but they weren’t interested in being friends. It became apparent when Ford had asked Lucy out for drinks after he’d helped her study for the upcoming Physics exam. She’d laughed in his face so long, he’d just gathered up his stuff and left, her laughing echoing down the empty school hall. Stan had gotten pissed when Ford told him about it. She didn’t deserve Ford, and Stan said as much, but Ford was still felling shitty about the whole thing.

“Why do people hate me?” Ford was curled up with his face pressed to his knees on Stan’s bunk. He’d stopped crying (not that there were many tears, but still, he was embarrassed about the few drops that had worked their way from between his eyelids), and was now just sitting, moping and wondering if he’d ever find someone who actually liked him.

“No one hates you! Okay, maybe Crampelter and Sonia do, but they hate everyone. And I think Sonia doesn’t like you because you’re associated with me. And that bitch haaaaaates me.” Stan had sat beside Ford with a bag of toffee peanuts and had refused to move until Ford cheered up.  

“Okay, fine. They don’t hate me, but they sure as hell don’t like me.” Nobody liked him. They were only interested in if he could help them, then they were more than happy to drop him. Ford was too weird. And not just his hands, though they were part of it. Ford liked weird things. Shrunken heads and six-legged cats. Sea monsters and the Jersey Devil. Ma did her best to connect, but she didn’t understand his interests, and Pa…well, it was best not to engage Pa with anything that might be considered 'weird’. They only one that had ever tried to understand and take an interest in him was…    

“Hey, you don’t need them. I like ya. And once we sail away on the Stan O’ War, it doesn’t matter what these bozos think.”

Ford grinned. Maybe Stan was enough.  

~If you want to, I can save you. I can take you away from here.So lonely inside, So busy out there,And all you wanted was somebody who cares.~

Stan doesn’t know when it happened, or what caused it. Like growing up, you know it’s happening, but each change is so gradual, you don’t notice it until you compare it to where you were before. And that’s what he was doing, comparing himself now to how he used to be. Because he never used to think like he does now. At least…he doesn’t think so. He’d always been trapped in Ford’s orbit, and he never really thought much about it before. They were inseparable. And that never used to be a problem. But Stan finds himself thinking about Ford more and more. His brother invades his thoughts more often than anything else, and if he isn’t thinking of Ford exactly, then he’s thinking of something in tangent to him. Thinking about how boring math class is makes him think about how excited Ford it to learn new things. Thinking about his favorite snack reminds him how much Ford hates toffee peanuts. And, of course, thinking about the boat makes him think about sailing away from all the shit they deal with. When Ford starts making an appearance during his dreams in place of Carla, well, it really isn’t all that surprising, if a bit disturbing.

Middle school passed in a whirlwind of working on the boat and keeping out of trouble. Sooner than they realized, they were in high-school. Classwork got harder and Stan was struggling. Stan throws himself into working on the boat. He even takes welding and woodworking when they’re offered. He might not be great at reading a map or doing math, but he can work with his hands to make things and fix things. He gets a part-time job and works down at the dock when he can. He spends more time in the library than Ford does some days. It’s hard. All of the work. He tried and tried and it never gets easier. Sometimes he thinks he ought to leave things alone. Ford had potential to be something. And he wasn’t very good at hiding his feelings. He did his best, lifting porn mags from the corner store and keeping a pin-up calendar tacked to his wall, but it felt hollow. It also didn’t help that Ford had picked up on his acting. Who was he to try and hide something from the person who knew him best? But he still hid. And still thought about letting go even as he wanted so desperately to hang on. Some days, he wants to throw his hands in the air and say 'Fuck It" and give up. But then he sees Ford come home with bruises and busted glasses, or maybe it’s just a smile or a belly laugh at one of his jokes and he’s right back, putting everything he has into making this work. In the end, it’s all for Ford. It always was.

Ford is all too aware that Stan is struggling. And he hates it. He hates seeing Stan like this. There are days, sometimes, where Stan doesn’t smile, at least, not a real smile. Days when he cries  because he just doesn’t understand the work. Days when he does whatever he can to prove he’s a man because someone or something convinces him that he isn’t. He does his best to help.  He tutors Stan when he can and works out homework problems with him. Stan is trying. He really is, but he gets confused and forgets things easily. He could read a page and not remember anything he’d just read. Every day, Stan would be ridiculed by their father, be constantly told he wasn’t worth anything, constantly told he 'was being a girl’. Every day, Stan would chases skirts and flirt with any woman who looked at him, got into more fights than he had any right to, and tried harder to prove himself worthy.

Ford knew the dream about sailing away on a ship was a childish one. He knew Stan was holding onto that dream with everything he had. But their future was so vague. They needed money to live, jobs paid money. Sailing around the world on a boat wasn’t going to get them there. It was just a matter of fact. But when Stan would get excited about progress on the ship or would tell stories about all the adventures they would go on, Ford found it harder and harder to admit that it was all just a fantasy. When Ford found Stan coming home with a chip on his shoulder and a black eye from getting in a fight with some chump that called him a fag, Ford found himself wanting to take away all the pain and misery. And the dream of whisking Stan away from everything on a ship felt all the more real.    

~I’m sinking slowly, So hurry hold me. Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on.Please can you tell me, So I can finally see Where you go when you’re gone.~

As senior year drew closer and closer, so too did their dreams. Ford was convinced they could sail away on the Stan O’ War to somewhere else. They could live on the boat while they worked and saved up money to get a decent place to live. And if something happened, then they would always have the boat. But they couldn’t just be treasure hunters. It wasn’t possible. He was drawing up a plan to figure out how they could manage. As soon as they were old enough, they were out of Glass Shard. But there was still work to be done to get there. And he still wasn’t sure how to break it to Stan. Stan was so dedicated to the idea that they would be treasure hunters, the he was blind to the reality they were facing. But Ford still wanted to get them away from there. He still wanted to rescue his brother.  And maybe…maybe, if they were away from this, Stan could just be himself. Maybe Ford could…

~If you want to, I can save you. I can take you away from hereSo lonely inside, So busy out there,And all you wanted was somebody who cares.~

But things got harder. The science fair came, and Ford saw an opportunity. He could build something that would he could patent. He could sell it and they would have a nice nest egg to get started. But then, West Coast Tech was interested. And the promise of millions. Millions. What would he do with millions? They could do anything. They could sail away for months or years at a time and they would never have to come back to this shitty ass town. Finally, some success. Finally, something good. Ford would make some discovery, make a fortune, and he would come back for Stan. They would escape. He was so excited! He didn’t want Stan to get discouraged. It wasn’t forever. It was only until he was able to make something that would secure their future. And maybe it would give Ford time to process his…desires.  

All you wanted was somebody who cares.

Everything fell apart after that. Ford spent years throwing himself into his work, and Stan spent the same time doing everything he could to make it rich.

If you need me, you know I’ll be there…

But when the post card was sent, Stan came without a second thought. And when the call came to correct his mistake, Stan stepped up to the challenge.

~If you want to, I can save you. I can take you away from here.So lonely inside, So busy out there.And all you wanted was somebody who cares.~

And in the end, after more hardship than either one had ever thought, in the end, they found themselves on a boat, with more money than they needed, and no more need to run away. No more need to hide. In the end, none of the past really matters. Because Stan has a family that cares. Ford found a way to use his sills to help. And they finally decide, to hell with all of the fear, to hell with the self-denial. Standing aboard their ship, lost in the middle of the ocean after having hauled up an actual crate of lost pirate gold, Ford and Stan share their first kiss.

[wickymicky]

you know, i used to say that Egoist or Hi High were my number one favorite kpop songs (it went back and forth, i think i was most vocal about Egoist being my number one but there were times when i felt like it was Hi High), but like... idk... like aside from So What, i feel like i’ve barely listened to Loona at all so far this year, and honestly it���s been like six or seven months, maybe eight or nine, since i regularly listened to Loona every day (again, aside from So What).... i’ve listened to Egoist, a song that i considered my favorite kpop song hands down for the majority of the time i’ve been into kpop, like ten times this year and that’s it... and some of those times were because i had the thought “oh jeez i havent listened to this song in a long time, i should do that... i’m betraying it...”

i wonder if i only kept saying/thinking that egoist is my favorite kpop song because i said it once and i had to stick to it... i think its pretty clear to any mutuals i have that my actual favorite kpop song is something like picky picky though, a song i actually post about all the time and listen to really frequently...

:/

so yeah, there’s no easy way to say this, but it really feels like i’m hanging on to Loona out of a sense of loyalty more than anything else :( it’s hard to put into words but listening to Loona feels kinda different these days. knowing more about how they decided things on the fly and how rushed the selection of the final members was (and how little the members were told) kinda... like... doesn’t it change how you listen to a song like New or Egoist? it certainly gives a lot more context to Yves being really shy in those first loonatvs she was in... and Olivia’s experience with her debut was such a whirlwind, like, she was just kind of thrust into the group... i have soooo much respect for all the members for being able to handle it, and i think it’s a fuckin miracle that it worked and they ended up with twelve incredible members, all of whom are so talented and any group would be lucky to have them, but even still just... some of the fun is lost a little bit for me. and I can’t listen to Everyday I Love You, one of my favorite Loona songs, without thinking of how much Vivi’s potential has been wasted. it turned a song that i have fun while listening to into one that makes me frustrated or sad. 

for whatever reason, i feel less of that when listening to ot12 stuff, even if some members get shit for lines, tho tbh, and this is a really hot take and i’m sorry... but i’m really mostly just into their three title tracks (and Favorite i guess), i rarely listen to their bsides.. they don’t hit me the same way, i guess. anyway though it’s the predebut stuff that makes me frustrated or sad. i cant help but empathize and think of what they must be feeling in the predebut era... happiness and excitement sure, but also nervousness, anxiety, stress, etc... the one by one debut concept was novel and it ended up working out in a sense, but at what cost? it was able to work out because the yyxy members were brought in at the last minute, Hyeju literally with only like 24 hours before they were gonna reveal the next member, and with all the changes we know about like Vivi probably being intended to be in OEC and things like that, and trainees that BBC had who for whatever reason ended up being rejected also probably at the last minute in favor of the yyxy members who were brought on... sigh... idk

it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to be a fan of this group, too. as they get more popular and more recognition, the fandom is growing, and with that comes a lot more drama, none of which i particularly care about (aside from the stuff relating to the group itself, as i’ve been talking about). they got their first win, and i was happy at the time, but... i’m worried about their future. it’s not that i wish they didnt get their first win, it’s just... i hope this doesnt make BBC feel validated in overworking and over-controlling them, you know? i want to believe that a lot has changed for the better since after Butterfly, especially when Jaden Jeong left, but we just have no way of knowing that for sure. there’s evidence for both sides, so at the end of the day, all we can do is speculate, and that doesnt really help anything. 

it sucks to admit this to myself but i feel like i’m losing interest in this group because of all this. whenever i’ve watched loona content from the So What era, sometimes they do seem happy, but even then there’s this feeling that they’re stressed and tired. are they happy? again, we can only speculate, so it’s best not to, but i cant stop my idiot brain from assuming the worst and picking up on signals that might not even actually be there, it’s just confirmation bias. maybe i only feel like theyre not at 100% because i’m already worried theyre not at 100%, you know? hmmm. also, i just... don’t think i feel the same connection with this group that i used to. maybe i never really did, tbh. they were my first group, my introduction to kpop, and i genuinely love some of their stuff still, but i feel like as i’ve gotten sooooo much more understanding of this whole kpop industry and i can put loona’s discography in context with aaaaaallllllll the other kpop songs i’ve listened to.... i feel like a lot of their stuff hasn’t aged as well as i would want, for me. you know how sometimes you wonder how much of what you like is really stuff you like, and how much is only because other people like it so you subconsciously feel you have to too? well, at first i would have said i genuinely love all of it and i could explain why, but idk i think i was convincing myself of some of it... as ive found more stuff that i genuinely love, it becomes clearer what are my things and what arent, you know? when i only knew 30 kpop songs and had 5 super-favorites, it was easier to overestimate some things, but now that i know hundreds and have a really deep pool of super-favorites, some of that early stuff i found is overshadowed, i guess. maybe egoist isnt as special to me anymore cause like.. at the time, i hadnt heard many kpop songs like it, but now... i have. and some of them do what it does just as well................. if not better............... sigh, i feel like im punching my past self in the gut

if this hurts you to read cause you’re a huge orbit, trust me, i know what you mean, it hurts to admit this. it kinda sucks to realize that you’re slowly losing interest in something you once loved and was incredibly important to you. 

oh and by the way, when i talk about losing interest, i dont mean that i dont care about loona anymore lmao, i just mean theyre going from my number 1 or 2 or 3 spot down to like my number 5 or 6 or 7 spot haha, alongside other groups that i like a lot but don’t follow the same way i follow my ults. so like even if i continue feeling this way about them, theyre still one of my favorite groups lol. like i guess i would kinda place them around where i would place twice or another group like that in my top 10? anyway... i just had to get this all off my chest. it started out being a post just about egoist and kinda hi high too, but then i realized i had a lot more to say haha, sorry. hopefully this doesnt upset anyone, idk, i hope you understand where im coming from :(

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[hazbinhoteltheories]

What are your ships? Mine are... Husk and Angel Dust( favorite one) Baxter and Niffty/ Cheri Sir pentious and Angel Dust Vaggie and Charlie (duh) Alastor and Mimzy (duh) I have info in why i ship and every one of them [i already explained Baxter and Cheri] but im too lazy to do it all in 1 ask so ill just read your opinion on the couples

Baxter and Cherri.

I know I already talked about this one but that was at least fifty posts ago so I’ll briefly sum up what I said then. This one was one that I never thought of until you brought it up. But when I did, I started sensing Roger and Jessica Rabbit odd couple vibes. People are always surprised when they learn they are together and everyone wonders how the hell they got together and why they’re together, but they’re either oblivious to it or they don’t give a shit. They don’t need to explain their love for each other. They know their reasons and they’re reminded of them every time they look at each other.

Vaggie and Charlie. 

Possibly the most popular ship in this fandom, every single fan of Hazbin Hotel seems to have gone down with it. I’m one of those people. They are such a believable couple that I honestly thought they were a couple at first. Vaggie and Charlie are that pair of friends that everyone knows has feelings for each other except them and can’t wait for the day they finally tell each other how they feel. Unless they get impatient and tell them for them. They’re sweet, they’re adorable, they’re precious, they’re too pure for this world. I just love them.

Baxter and Nifty 

This is the couple that I think that is the most likely to happen in the actual show (besides Vaggie and Charlie of course) and might take the longest to develop. Maybe even longer than Vaggie and Charlie. It would take forever for this relationship to get going because both are sure the other could only ever see them as a friend. But all that time is only going to make the relationship stronger when it does happen. This would also be one of those couples where both people clearly provide something the other needs. For Nifty, Baxter would provide guidance and wisdom while Nifty would provide adventure and fun. Baxter comes off as someone who is really anxious to me and I think it would be good for him if he could meet someone who could take that anxiety away. Someone he can just be at ease and enjoy life with. Nifty has been in at least one abusive relationship in the past and what she could do with is a gentleman who would support her and treat her with the love and respect she deserves. These two would be the classic polar opposites that are inseparable kind of couple. But their oddness, chemistry and their ability to make it work and make it look easy would make them unforgettable.

 Alastor and Mimzy 

I heard somewhere that love is friendship set on fire. That is exactly what I think of when I think of Alastor and Mimzy as a couple. Two lovers that are also the best of friends and feel sheer joy just from being in each other’s company. I can see the relationship being a bit onesided, to begin with. With Mimzy developing feelings for Alastor first while Alastor wishes to keep things platonic. Not wanting to be mean about it, I can see Alastor trying his best to show that he likes and cares about her but when anything romantic comes up he pretends to be oblivious to, in his mind, stop things from getting awkward and to spare Mimzy’s feelings. But in reality, ends up doing the opposite of those things. But the potential for him to develop feelings of his own is still there and if he does, it’s going to be one hell of a ride. I can kind of imagine Alastor and Mimzy being like The Joker and Harley Quinn if The Joker was actually a decent person who loved Harley and all the abuse, fucked up shit and most of the angst was removed. What would be left is a crazy, zany, silly, happy couple. 

Angel Dust and Sir Pentious

Whenever I think of these two as a couple, I think of every anime with a tsundere in it ever. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Pent is the tsundere. Angel drives him nuts at first. He finds everything about him off-putting, like how wild and crazy he his and just overall how different they are. But he might come to realise their not quite as different as he first thought. He has a wild and crazy side too, he just doesn’t realise it. And he might come to find that there’s something about Angel’s personality that he can’t help but really like and that could be what causes him to develop feelings for him. Angel dust would always be attracted to Pent but what would intrigue him is how easy he is to see through. He knows that affection is there, Pent just isn’t very good at showing it. So when he does get Pent to show affection for him, it feels like a rewarding experience. Angel’s drug habit might be a big problem though. I can see Sir Pentious wanting a reliable partner and Angels about as reliable as Rick Sanchez. Refusing to tolerate it might be good for Angel Dust though. You usually can’t convince someone to change. If they need to change they usually have to come to that realization on their own. But Pent’s tough love and strong sense of discipline might give Angel the push he needs to kick his habits for good.

Angel Dust and Husk: Of all the couple this fandom ships, I think this is the couple most likely to be already established by the time of the pilot. They also have a potential to be the most realistic couple in my opinion. A lot of shows depicts romance and love as a whirlwind hurricane of emotion. They show how what they did for each other through this and that and give a clear reason as to why they love each other as much as they do. And while I think the Hazbin would do that with a lot of its couples, I can see the show mostly just showing Husk and Angel Dust living with each other. They banter they bicker, they talk about everything under the sun. They do mundane, everyday things together just because they can and fall into a routine that’s simple but happy. I also think that their relationship could be the first time either of them thinks about settling down with someone. Settling down is not something either thought they could do but they make each other want to try. They make each other think that settling down might not be so bad. 

My ships are Vaggie/Charlie, Baxter/Alastor, Baxter/Nifty Alastor/Mimzy and Husk/Angel Dust. 

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x10 I Can Work With You

Stray thoughts

1) It’s amazing but the show actually accomplished it – I dig the new theme song. I’m actually singing along.

2) I repeat: Other Rebecca needs help.

3) Okay…

REBECCA: You're weird around her. It's like you can barely even look at her, because she reminds you of a very traumatic time in your life where you made some rash decisions and contributed to the existence of another person and maybe didn't fully think it through.

Even though this is incredibly introspective and it makes sense, it wasn’t the explanation I was expecting to get from Rebecca. Accepting to be Daryl’s baby’s surrogate mother was a rash decision, yes. And even though it rubbed me the wrong way how she showed no interest in the baby, it made sense, it was consistent with her behavior. She made the decision to carry the baby without giving it much thought. Likewise, she wasn’t giving the baby much thought.

I actually chalked it up to Rebecca being a self-centered dick. She might be making improvements as regards her mental health and introspection, but she’s still utterly self-centered and a dick.

4) I loved the Jersey Shore reference!

REBECCA: Snooki has a baby. She has two babies.

DARRYL: And look at what a great job she's doing with Lorenzo and Giovanna.

Yes, I love Jersey Shore. Occasionally, I love crap.

5) Shouldn’t Greg and his dad be attending different help groups? It kind of defeats the whole “anonymous” purpose…

But I like how we got to see Greg’s sponsor again and see how seriously Greg takes his advice.

6) I keep relating to Paula so much…

PAULA: Second, that is how I wanted to celebrate my birthday With you and some room-temp California rolls. It was perfect. No one stared at me and no one sang "Happy Birthday," so it was a big win.

I loathe celebrating my birthday.

7) It’s kind of a shocker that Mrs H sucks at charades, isn’t it?

8) Me, everytime Josh speaks:

9) Also, me:

Replace “Beverly Hills” with any TV show I binge-watch.

10) I relate to Rebecca so much because I’m so not a baby person either. I had a very similar experience the first time babysitting one of my best friend’s babies. I just don’t know what to do with babies. They are so fragile and unpredictable, an enigma. Toddlers and kids, that’s a whole other thing. Once I can actually communicate with them, they love me.

11) Oh, the game night is Paula’s graduation party! I can understand her not wanting to make a big deal out of it. I didn’t celebrate my graduation either! But I agree with Paula’s husband, though. Rebecca would’ve totally gone to the game night if she had known it was Paula’s graduation party.

12) The game sounds boring af, though. I think they wasted a great opportunity to come up with a nonsensical game that only the characters in the show understand and whose rules are super vague for the audience, a la “True American” from New Girl.

13) I really love it when Nathaniel violently claims he’s nice.

14) Valencia is going to mop the floor with Hector, isn’t she? Will learn why she is so mean to him, though?

15) I laughed so hard at this…

JOSH: Um, what happened to Marvin Gaye?

PAULA: Oh, his dad murdered him. Anyway…

JOSH: As an adult?

NATHANIEL: No, Josh, as a baby. Marvin Gaye was murdered as a baby. All the music that he made that you love, he made as a baby.

JOSH: Whoa.

16) “You left West Covina just to get away from me.” Again, this is a bit self-centered. Yes, Rebecca definitely played a huge part in Greg deciding to leave West Covina, but he also did it for very personal reasons related to his own desires, ambitions and mental health. What’s more, I just don’t understand how Rebecca doesn’t realize that in spite of all the crazy shit she’s done, her coming to West Covina put in motion a chain of events that affected everyone’s lives in a positive way. All of the characters are at a better place than they were before Rebecca arrived in town, Greg included! So yeah, she might be a whirlwind who usually fucks things up, but she’s served as the catalyst for everyone’s self-improvement as well.

17) Ummmmmmmm

In the words of Joshua Felix Chan…

I did not see that coming. I was expecting the writers to rekindle this relationship, but I didn’t see them getting involved so soon after meeting again? Like, there’s so much stuff they still have to work through, plus they have to get reacquainted with one another? Both of them have changed so much! Are they into the actual person in front of them or are they holding onto the idea of the person they used to be who made them feel a certain way?

Let’s just hope this is going in an interesting direction… (but I don’t know if “Settle for Me” playing in the background right before they kissed is a good omen…)

18) I really enjoyed this number…

And I really loved how their parents were playing the instruments and looked bitterly disappointed once they finished hahaha!

19) GOOD. GOOD!

Yeah, something feels weird. So, listen. You know me I'm usually the first person to impulsively throw myself into any really romantic moment, but I think I got to just take a beat and deal with the fact that right before you so sweetly kissed me, I was in the middle of a shame spiral. Which isn't just a me thing. That's a thing that happens with my disorder, BPD. Um, and basically, it's what you saw. I can spiral out about things, in this case oh, my fear that everyone hates me and that I'm a contagious plague in the form of a woman, even though intellectually I know that I'm not.

I really like what they’ve been doing this season with Rebecca’s disorder and the way she handles it. The fact that she got a diagnosis and she’s being treated doesn’t mean that she’s magically cured, so she’s bound to make some mistakes again and to act out because of her disorder. The difference now is that she understands where those impulses and crises come from and she’s better equipped to deal with them properly instead of continuing spiraling.

20) Oh, they’re still going at it…

And this shot reminds me of “Oh My God I think I Like You.”

21) Let me just say that I’m so fucking happy that Paula finally got her dream that made her feel like she deserves a dream, okay?

22) Ha!

No one here is a mind reader, except maybe Valencia. She's into that occult stuff.

Jokes aside, he makes a great point. You can’t fault people for not acting the way you expect them to if you haven’t communicated it properly, you know?

23) I actually enjoyed their bonding? Yes, I am surprised.

24) I liked how Hector and Valencia were able to bury the hatchet, but honestly, I was hoping for Valencia’s reason to bully Hector to be a bit juicier than “I hate you because everyone likes you.”

25) Girl really has no boundaries, she just had sex on Darryl’s carpet while babysitting his daughter…

26) Oh damn, they cut that Greg and Rebecca song too short! I was super digging it!

27) Oh, Nathaniel, you’re a softie…

28) I stand corrected. NO ONE HAS ANY BOUNDARIES IN THIS FUCKING SHOW.

29) Oh, lord, they did a “Hello, nice to meet you” reprise with the baby and I DIED! It’s the sweetest thing ever!!!

Hello, nice to meet you, we share chromosomes

Hello, nice to meet you, you're kind of… me

So, since you're both the future and kind of a mirror

I'll tell you right now that life doesn't get clearer

All I can say is have fun in the gray

Well, anyway

It's nice to meet you.

Not gonna lie, I teared up a little…

30) What a wholesome moment…

31) Poor Nathaniel…

32) Oh, wow, for a second there, I was afraid Rebecca was going to say “Greg makes me feel like glitter was exploding inside of me”…

It feels different, Paula. It's different this time. Greg makes me feel like I'm… like I'm okay because he's so much more okay now, you know? And like maybe we could be the best versions of ourselves if we're together.

33) Oh, Nathaniel 💔💔💔

34) I think Rebecca might have jinxed it by saying that she enjoys the Beverly Hills drama... some drama is headed to West Covina...

35)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[jennygoeseastbay]

2018 in Review

So I used to do one of these every year on my Livejournal, and I completely blew it off in 2017 because I kind of abandoned that medium, and because the last month of that year was complete consumed with packing and moving. I’m not entirely certain I want to get more active on here, but for now this is a good place for me to post this, simply to have the written record of my existence that I need in order to process all that has happened and reflect on how it has helped me to grow and improve as a person. If I’m feeling really ambitious, I might even backtrack and do one for 2017 next week, because I like to be complete in my self-documentation. ;)

01. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before? Visited Washington DC for the first time.

Visited the Los Cabos region of Mexico for the first time.

Closed a major gift from someone who had not already had decades of cultivation from their University.

Visited even more areas of California that were new to me, including Anaheim, Santa Barbara, Santa Maria, Pismo Beach, Paso Robles, and Lake Tahoe (I guess that also includes Nevada since we stayed in Carson City)

Visited Ashland Oregon for the first time.

Sold a piece of real estate. Phew!

Practiced Yin Yoga. (And walking meditation!)

Engaged in a yoga hike!

Also tried yoga with goats!

Attended WonderCon

Attended a county fair.

Road a bicycle somewhere other than a residential street

Tried kayaking

Ran a trail run race

02. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I never really make concrete resolutions, just some general proclamations about eating better, and putting more time into fitness and writing. Of these three things, the one I was most successful at this year, surprisingly enough, was eating better. In September I realized that it was time for a physical tune-up, and so I rejoined WW after a long time away, and though I still have a few pounds to go, I’ve been happy to have gotten a bit sleeker after dialing back the bread and cheese. I also attended a writing group called Shut Up and Write a couple times, and I’d like to become more of a regular at their cafe sessions in 2019, because I’ve found that their method (literally a concentrated hour of shutting up and writing) has been helpful the two times I’ve gone.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth? My dear friends Drew and Kelly had their first child in September. And my friend Lynn had her second child, a little girl, just a couple weeks ago. 04. Did anyone close to you die? Not super close, but a professor at UC Davis who I had worked with closely, passed very unexpectedly right before Halloween. 05. What countries did you visit? Mexico! Finally broke in my current passport with a new stamp! 06. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Good novel progress. Or more discipline on some other fiction and an essay that I just started tinkering with. A legit boyfriend. 07. What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 2 was my first day on the job at UC Davis.

January 7 was a super fun evening at the Museum of Ice Cream in SF

January 13-15 was a wonderful weekend in Seattle where I got to meet my nephew Apollo for the first time and photograph his first swimming lesson for his parents.

January 20 was my second Women’s March outing in Sac with my friend Jade and her little ones.

January 27 was a day when I got to play tour guide for my friend Gricel and her husband when they were in SF visiting for the first time.

Feb. 10 and 11 was a fun weekend in Berkeley and SF, being silly and singing loudly with my former Cal colleagues who had become dear friends.

March 23-25 Was my whirlwind Anaheim weekend at Wondercon, and I got to catch up with my friend Mike, whom I’d not seen in a couple years.

March 30-April 1 was an epic road trip weekend, the first of what my friend Maya and I now call our Girls Gone Sensibly Wild excursions. We drove to Santa Barbara and visited the deserted UC campus there (it was closed for spring break) and also enjoyed an amazing live show featuring Dave Hause, Dan Andriano, and Cory Branan, among others at the Cold Spring Tavern. And then got a joint membership at Peachy Canyon Winery on our way back, because it was one of the few establishments open on Easter Sunday.

April 22 was Earth Day, and prompted me to venture out to Marin for an impromptu yoga hike at Rodeo Beach.

May 14 was my first appointment with a new hair stylist who would also unexpectedly become a trusted friend.

May 24 was my first time seeing Depeche Mode live, and it was incredible.

June 8-10 was my second of two hit it and quit it Chicago trips (although really, the first one wasn’t so much Chicago as it was Joliet) this year, and allowed me to reconnect with my dear friends Drew and Kelly (Drew finished his PhD at UChicago and I attended his commencement and hooding), have a day at the zoo with my friend Dawn, and also road trip to WI with my friend Mary for a beautiful and moving Lights Festival experience together.

June 30 was the day I attended my first ever CalShakes performance with Maya and our mutual friend Paola (Girls Gone Sensibly Wild continued!), and Maya also got me on a bike for the first time in ages, thanks to LimeBikes being available at the Pleasant Hill BART station. We took a short, wobbly, but fun ride down the Iron Horse Trail.

July 1 was the day I learned to kayak and surprisingly got myself through 5 miles of the Russian River without tipping over or running out of steam.

July 26 saw me reuniting with my dear pals Shannon and Glenn, when they were visiting the Sac area for a wedding.

July 27-29 was the weekend I drove up to Ashland to enjoy some time with my friend Debbie and to experience the Oregon Shakespeare Festival for the first time.

August 3-6 was when I somewhat unexpectedly had the delight of hosting my friend Clarise for a weekend visit. We drove down to Pacifica for the International Dog Surfing competition and I schooled her in the ways of California wine as much as I could with my limited knowledge.

The following weekend, August 9-13, I had a lovely time hosting and touring around with my 16 year old niece, and got to introduce her to the joy that is Santa Cruz. And yoga with goats!

August 30-Sept. 4 was when I hosted (this is a recurring theme in August, isn’t it?) my Aunt Sherrie for local sightseeing and a road trip up to Lake Tahoe.

Sept. 22-24 saw me heading down to L.A. for my cousin Katie’s wedding and some work meetings. It was the first time in ages that I got to connect with that specific branch of my family, and get to know them a bit better.

Sept. 29 was my first AFSP walk in Sac. And i was joined by Jade, her visiting mom, and her three little ones.

Sept. 30 was the really long hair session with Mason that helped solidify that we were legit friends (and included a shared sunset from the window of his hair studio!) and a quick follow up appointment on Oct. 3 allowed us to enjoy a rainbow and storm together.

Oct. 19-21 saw Maya and I doing another Girls Gone Sensibly Wild road trip. Back to Peachy Canyon to pick up some wine, and also Pismo Beach and Santa Maria for our first visit to a really lovely winery called Foxen.

Oct. 26 was quite possibly my all-time favorite Brian Fallon performance. It was just him alternating between his acoustic guitar and an electric piano, and he was joined by Craig Finn from The Hold Steady, who also did his own acoustic set.

Oct. 27 I got to introduce my new friend Torrey to the Old Sugar Mill in Clarksburg, and we did a fun wine and Halloween candy pairing and some epic day drinking.

Nov. 3 saw me reuniting with my Cal crew and a sprinkling of East Bay friends at Fillmore Karaoke, for an epic night of loud singing as an early celebration of my 40th bday. So much wine. Actually too much, but for a birthday, that’s acceptable!

Nov. 4-6 I was in Indianapolis for work, and though the work part wasn’t particularly memorable, I was super honored and thrilled that my BFF Dawn drove all the way down from Joliet IL with her two boys to have dinner with me on my first night there.

Nov. 9 was an epic Local H show in Sac. Also a welcome break in the midst of a period of forced solitude, after the Camp Fire residual smoke prompted my whole office to work from home for about a week to protect us from the terrible air quality.

Nov. 18 was the day we had the beautiful service honoring the life of a beloved professor who passed.

Nov. 24-29 was my trip to Cabo with my Aunt Sherrie, and was also my official bday celebration.

Dec. 9-12 was my DC trip, which also allowed me to catch up with my friend Max, who lives in Baltimore, and my friend Stacey, who also happened to be there for her own work purposes.

Dec. 15 was my full day of yoga retreating at Green Gulch Ranch in Marin, and then I drove to the East Bay to catch up with Maya at Calicraft, which is one of our favorite craft distilleries in the area.

Dec. 16 was a white elephant celebration in Pleasant Hill that allowed me to unexpectedly meet a new, interesting friend.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year? So far, meeting all expectations at my new job and closing a major gift earlier than is required. Also not losing my shit during the condo selling process, even though there were a lot of reasons to do so.

09. What was your biggest failure? I wrote VERY little fiction. But I did dip my toe back into writing in general, so I guess there’s that. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I took a tumble at home that left my tailbone a bit tender about a month ago. But otherwise, no, pretty healthy, even after getting rear-ended in my car! 11. What was the best thing you bought? Various travel tickets, both air and rail. A beautiful new necklace that I found at the holiday market in D.C. All the concert tickets that provided soul-fueling live music.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine! I adjusted to a new job and an unfamiliar setting and managed to acquire a few new friends while also maintaining the East Bay friendships that meant the most to me. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Who else but certain immediate family members? 14. Where did most of your money go? Rent. Travel. Wine, and to a lesser extent, craft beer, now that I’ve picked up a taste for stouts and sours. 15. What song will always remind you of 2018?

Anything off of Sleepwalkers by Brian Fallon

Anything off of  Be More Kind by Frank Turner

Chariot by Gavin DeGraw

Tall Green Grass by Cory Branan

16. Compared to this time last year, you are: Thinner and sleeker, weight-wise

More willing to make room for others and open my life and space to them (friend and lover both) Still as sleep-deprived as ever 17. What do you wish you'd done more of? Novel writing, as always. Flirting. And kissing. 18. What do you wish you'd done less of? Angsting over adulting-related things that were either beyond my control or that ended up working out just as they should.

19. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?

I’m driving to Santa Cruz on Xmas Eve and treating myself to an overnight stay so that I can indulge in my happy place and a sunset hike. Also get to celebrate Boxing Day for the first time with my friend Jade and her brood back in Sac.

20. How will you be spending/did you spend New Year’s Eve? Original plan was to hang at my friend Jade’s place with her kids, movies and snacks. But just learned the wee ones are ill, so now I’m not sure what I’m doing. That was how I spent last year (the original plan, that is), with the main difference being that last year I also went to a two-hour yin workshop beforehand, which was how I discovered my current yoga studio, and discovered how much I enjoy yin practice in general. 21. Did you fall in love in 2018?

No. But I made more effort to pursue it, and had more options than I think I’ve ever had in a single year. Which was kind of encouraging even if each one was relatively short-lived.

22. How many one-night stands? I always laugh when I read this question. How about I just wink knowingly and say a lady never tells? 23. What was your favorite TV program? Supernatural. iZombie. To a lesser extent, Riverdale, even though I’m still pretty behind on that one. Sons of Anarchy (which I know is old but I’m playing catchup via Netflix and Hulu) And as a guilty pleasure, Total Divas. And of course, I'm still casually following WWE on the WWE network, though the only thing I’m finding compelling aside from the women’s matches are the Brits featured on the UK specific programming. 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, I don't think so. 25. What was the best book you read? I finally got into the Harry Potter series and I’m really enjoying it. I just finished the Order of the Phoenix, and have the next installment requested from the library. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not entirely new, but my appreciation for Cory Branan was reinforced and amplified after seeing him in Santa Barbara. And I’m also on a rediscovery tear with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Cold War Kids.

27. What did you want and get? Reassurance that this move to Sac was the right next step, after I settled in to my new role relatively easily. 28. What did you want and not get? Romantic love for an extended period. More down time. 29. What was your favorite film(s) of this year? Bohemian Rhapsody, even though I know it had some historical inaccuracies.

A Quiet Place was hard because of the ending, but decent as well.

And the latest Halloween was hella satisfying, especially since I caught it after needing an escape after learning about the passing of the professor I mentioned earlier.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I prepped for my Cabo departure, went exploring at the Cosumnes River Trail, which is also a bird sanctuary, and caught the movie Widows with my work friend Christine. Then she took me to Panera for dinner. Couldnt’ do much more than that since I had a 5 am flight the following morning. I turned 40.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Love, as always. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? Activewear as much as possible. But never enough. 33. What kept you sane? My friends. The various trips I took and rock shows I attended. Junk food. Wandering in nature.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Jensen Ackles. Tom Hiddleston. Charlie Hunnan. Idris Elba. My taste doesn't change much. 35. Who did you miss? Dawn. Becca. Kelly and Drew. Stephanie and Scott. Rob. Elspeth. Mike K. Jason. 36. Who was the best new person you met?

Lu

Ellen

Mason

Torrey

Anthony

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018 Never underestimate my own ability to adapt to new situations, and to handle my own shit like a boss. I had a few challenging things thrown at me, namely the condo selling process, and the logistical gymnastics that followed after having to bring my car in for a bumper repair following a recent rear-ending, and though I felt tested by both of those situations, I ultimately succeeded at navigating both of them to a positive end.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I’m always starting over....

I don’t wanna waste the nights in my life

But I never fit in, or felt home in my skin.

I’m waiting on a big love, baby.

--Brian Fallon, “Her Majesty’s Service”

[elizas-writing]

We’re about 3 months away until the long anticipated release of the one, the only, the extraordinary, Kingdom Hearts III! Almost 14 years of waiting with about a dozen side games and HD re-releases are finally building up to this grand moment for video game fans. And like most other fans out there, I needed a serious catch up to remember all the convoluted lore and relive all the good times and bad with our favorite Keyblade wielders and Disney team members.

Since I don’t have all of the games on hand, much less the time to play the ones I own, I went to the wonderful world of YouTube and over the course of two months binged through about 30 hours of content, right from the very beginning! It was so much fun to relive all the series highlights, finally watch the newer content in the HD re-releases, and pick up on the little details I missed the first time around. And I thought I’d share some of the wonderful thoughts going on in my head during my binge.

Without further ado, here are Eliza’s silly but honest taglines, asides, observations, and comments of the Kingdom Hearts series!

Kingdom Hearts

The OG most ambitious crossover

I’ve been in this world for three hours and CAN’T FIND THE NEXT CHECKPOINT.

I know we jab at Chain of Memories for its awful gameplay, but I legit-erally didn’t finish the Atlantica world cause I had no idea where the fuck to go next. Even for a 2002 game, the mechanics were a nightmare sometimes.

Sometimes having every other world set up like a labyrinth is too much work than it’s worth.

Seriously, you have to talk to Aerith a million times to get Curaga. How the fuck were you supposed to know that without the Internet or a strategy guide??

Came for the bizarre mix of Disney and Final Fantasy– stayed for the characters and mildly convoluted story.

Just gonna add this in with the other “the power of friendship” crap I love.

  Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories

Worst. Fucking. Fighting. System. EVER.

You ever wonder how the board meeting went for this game?

“So it’s, like, 50% the same game again, but shitty.”

I’m here to button mash, not strategize like Magic the fucking Gathering

This is the one where all the hot villains show up, right?

Just don’t let Axel’s bad boy facade fool you. He’s a finger guns bisexual with bad dad jokes.

10/10 will steal your girlfriend, boyfriend and nonbinary significant other

Every time someone says “memory,” take a shot.

Also, are we never gonna talk about where Pluto went with that letter? Are we supposed to accept he just comes and goes however he pleases?

  Kingdom Hearts II

The best one. You can’t change my mind.

One man’s convoluted revenge scheme at the cost of, like, 5 teenagers’ mental well-beings.

I’ve only known Roxas for 6 days, but if anything happens to him, I’ll kill everyone in this room and then myself.

So Ansem wasn’t really Ansem. You see, he was this scientist’s apprentice who– aaaaaand I’m lost.

If your fandom experience at this point didn’t include calling Xemnas “Mansex” or listening to Dr. Bombay’s “My Sitar” to cope with Demyx’s 2nd boss battle, you did it all wrong.

We all made fun of Demyx for needing a notecard for his mission, but my work desk is a cluster of reminders and sticky notes, so I can’t judge anymore.

The beginning of the longest, most painful wait for a sequel.

I’m sure Haley Joel Osment is a chill dude, but who the fuck allowed him to sing?

  Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days

Area Man Tries to Balance Life Between Work, Broken Marriage, and Two Adopted Kids in Existential Crises

Spoiler Alert: It ends horribly for everyone involved

When the realization set in that he became a father

Saix being a bitch

Family drama

Seriously, Saix, the last time I saw a man this pissy about his friend spending time with someone else was The Road to El Dorado. And Tulio and Miguel were supposed to be a gay couple.

Well, that was a depressing ass backstory on why Roxas has two Keyblades

“Who am I?!”

Anyone out there still calling Xion a Mary Sue better apologize to my daughter in the next five seconds.

The Organization’s HR complaint box probably looks like a tornado blew through it…

At least they seem to have good enough health insurance since their youngest members tend to fall into month long comas.

  Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep

Remember when Xehanort was a scientist’s apprentice who went AWOL? Think again, bitch!

The point where you realize this is all just a long, cruel, brutal DnD campaign

It’s best if you just don’t get emotionally invested in any of the characters. No one has a happy ending.

How one man’s total lack of self-awareness and critical thought dooms the universe

No, seriously, I’m sorry, Terra is a massive idiot. Master Xehanort doesn’t even have to try hard to manipulate Terra; he’s just that goddamn dense and does a lot of stupid shit on his own. These are facts.

I can’t even handle the secondhand embarrassment of his Neverland visit where he thinks Peter Pan is after the light when he was guarding a literal treasure chest, like, that’s just too dumb.

I still love him and wish him a wonderful redemption, and he definitely didn’t deserve losing his friends, family and his free will, but there were so many avoidable stupid disasters if he didn’t just blindly trust the wrong people.

Terra is the physical embodiment of “I am not a clever man.”

Forget the darkness in his heart– I’m more concerned about how many worms are eating his brain.

Terra, this bitch just asked you to cut out the heart of a 14-year-old girl, and you just went “chill.” Did you already forget your last oopsie with Aurora?

Loving mother left to clean up her husband and son’s messes…. all of them…

She’s about a couple steps away from becoming a wine mom to get through this shit.

As you can see, the main difference between Ventus and Roxas is that one is a literal ray of sunshine who did nothing wrong, and the other is a mass of anxiety who says “fuck” more often than he’s allowed to.

  Kingdom Hearts: Coded

The one everyone forgets existed.

Guys, I just wanted to know what Mickey’s letter said. I didn’t ask for another whirlwind adventure.

The most outrageous excuse for a midquel, but dammit that last bit in Castle Oblivion… I’m gonna need a moment to recollect myself.

Yeah, if this bit didn’t get you emotional, get out of my house.

What do you fucking mean Xehanort isn’t fucking dead??

  Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance

Wait a minute, all Terra and Aqua had to do for their Mark of Mastery was hit some balls and spar each other. Why do Sora and Riku need to go through coma nightmares and fever dreams??

Just… just give up questioning the lore…

So Ansem the Wise made a copy of his computer, and that’s a sleeping world where Jeff Bridges exists, I– I’m done.

And if this didn’t break your heart just a little bit, we can’t be friends.

Had the potential to just be Kingdom Hearts III if Nomura wasn’t too deep in perfecting those renders

We’re gathered here today in the bonds of just a couple of guys being dudes.

But seriously, there is zero heterosexual explanation behind Sora and Riku’s Sound Ideas coming together to make “Dearly Beloved.”

So is Ienzo really gonna gloss over the fact Lea stood by while a clone sucked out his life force? … Okay…

I’m still bothered by the fact Young Xehanort and Haida from Aggretsuko have the same English voice actor, because they’re total opposite energies.

  Kingdom Hearts X [chi] Back Cover

“Traitor!”– Ben Solo-Organa, Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens

I’m surprised no one took a step back and said “Guys, maybe the Master was fucking insane and trying to dupe us all with this Book of Prophecies shit.”

I’m sorry, I can’t trust anything the guy says or does. He put his FUCKING EYEBALL IN A KEYBLADE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.

Not to mention, he purposefully made them keep their roles a secret from each other which made misunderstandings pile on top of each other, like, dude!

I’m sticking to the theory that there was never a traitor, and he just pulled this out of his ass for the drama of it all.

Does no one in these games sit down and talk through their problems like normal people do? Again, worms in the brains…

Friendly reminder that cute Keyblade wielder avatar you made likely died in the Keyblade War.

I have nowhere near enough time to wade through like 900 quests worth of content in an ongoing game, and I don’t know how much I’ll need for Kingdom Hearts III…

Like, apparently Ven time traveled?? The fuck??

“What’s in the box?!”

  Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep A Fragmentary Passage

If you thought that title was a mouthful, wait for the onslaught of feelings!

“The things I do for love.”– Courage, Courage the Cowardly Dog

The most beautiful and emotional game demo in the universe

I wanna eat all the rocks

I just want my wife to come home and be able to rest.

“Please, God, just let me have one good day?”

“Oh my God, you again?? Give it a rest buddy!”

Kingdom Hearts III is RIGHT there! I can see it, I can taste it, I can smell it, it’s so goddamn close that I can hear the angelic choir singing Kumbaya. I haven’t been teased this bad since BBC Sherlock series 3.

  Kingdom Hearts III (based on all current information from trailers and conventions)

You get Norted, and YOU get Norted! Everyone gets Norted!!

Impractical zippers and belts are so 2005. Now everything is about plaid and excess buttons.

“I want to see my little boy (Here he comes) I want to see my little boy!”

What is he doing? His best. Also, get a load of the detail work on his hands.

Xion and Naminé are on the box art, so they have to be in the game, BUT WHY AREN’T THEY IN THE TRAILERS YET? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTERS?

“The ending is going to be difficult for fans to handle.” I’m sorry, Nomura, but I forgot how to read for a moment there and will be in a horrible state of denial for the next three months.

If you’re calling that Heartless doll your waifu, congratulations, you’d be the first to die in a horror movie.

For fuck’s sake, it’s emitting black smoke and has the penetrating eyes of death. It must be burned.

And there you have it, folks! Most every silly thought that went through my wonderful brain through my Kingdom Hearts binge! It was worth putting off many of my other shows to refresh my memory on the lore— as contrived as it is multiple times—, see all my favorite characters, relive the greatest moments, and get pumped for what’ll come next in Kingdom Hearts III. I can already tell it’s going to be a great one, and I can’t wait to start playing!

Funny Observations of the #KingdomHearts Series We're about 3 months away until the long anticipated release of the one, the only, the extraordinary, Kingdom Hearts III!

[fuckyeahevanrwood]

Evan Rachel Wood Says Season 2 Of Westworld Is "Twice As Crazy"

I slowly opened the door to Evan Rachel Wood’s hotel suite amidst a whirlwind Toronto International Film Festival schedule to find her decked in a fire-orange Altuzarra blazer, sequined Christian Louboutin booties, and skin as porcelain as my kitchen sink. The steady stream of editors and publicists weaving between rooms in the hall outside didn’t faze her. Her space was peaceful—tranquil, even. But that, I’d come to learn, was Evan—soft-spoken and poised with a warm air about her. We sat down to talk about her newest role in the soon-to-be-released film A Worthy Companion, where she plays Laura Drake, a confused and troubled young woman who forges a strange and ultimately unhealthy relationship with a 16-year-old girl. A role which, Evan told me, was originally written to be played by a man.

But, what, do you think I would leave before a friendly interrogation on what’s in store for season two of Westword—it’s “twice as crazy,” she says!—or a rapid-fire game (which you’ll want to watch below)? Never.

Noah Lehava: What drew you to the role of Laura Drake in A Worthy Companion?

Evan Rachel Wood: “I was blown away by [the script]. My character was originally written for a man, and they had gender-swapped it. I was really excited about that, but dreaded it, too, because I knew I had to do it. I was really not looking forward to the experience because it was going to be really intense. I loved that I had never read a script on this subject matter, which was told in this way—from a woman’s perspective, who is the predator. It really explored the psychology of abuse—not just this black-and-white, here’s the victim and here’s the monster. It delves into how [an individual] gets to that point and opens it up for a much larger discussion.”

NL: Laura is really complex; did you find it challenging to play her?

ERW: “It was difficult for me to play an abuser because it’s so unnatural for me. I was happy to know that it didn’t come naturally [laughs]. She has so much emotional baggage, and is dealing with dissociation, manic episodes, and PTSD, so she has a cocktail of mental disturbances. The script was a really honest portrayal of somebody that’s a prisoner of their own trauma. And when you don’t have the help that you need, and don’t have the means to get help after you have gone through what she’s gone through, it manifests in all of these different ways. It was interesting to show the dichotomy of a person who is doing these horrible things and abusing this young girl, but, in her mind, really thinks she’s saving her. I think she sees herself in this girl—there’s no malice in what she’s doing. She’s really just not in control of her emotions and has no gauge as to what’s normal and what’s not. There’s real tragedy in her, as well as in the young girl. It shows you how the abused can become the abuser if it’s not dealt with in the right way. It took a long time to shake; this one took a lot out of me. I got really sick after [filming] was done, and it took about a month to feel normal again. It was a real roller coaster.”

NL: How did you chill out?

ERW: “I live in Tennessee, so it was nice to get away, go to the country, and chill for a second.”

NL: We have to talk about Westworld!

ERW: “Yes!”

NL: First off, tell me, how much did you have to work on your posture?

ERW: “I have to get work done on my back all the time because sitting there like that for six hours [is straining]. This season [the directors] were actually like, ‘You can relax. It doesn’t have to be that perfect.’ But I’m the one who always insists on wearing the corset because I want to stand right.”

NL: Can you give us a hint to next season?

ERW: “We’re midseason right now, and it is twice as ambitious as the first one. Twice as crazy! I didn’t think it could get bigger or crazier, and now we’re halfway through, and I just can’t even believe what we’re doing. I’m on the show, and I’m still getting shocked and surprised at everything that they’re throwing at me. [Dolores is] a very different character this season.”

NL: Yeah, something clicked in her in the season finale. Are you scared of A.I. yourself?

ERW: “You know, no. I used to be, but the more research I did for the show and the more I learned about it and talked to futurists, the more I realized there’s a lot of hope in A.I.. They’re going to be better than us. It’s sad because it also may mean that we’re going to be obsolete—but at the same time, if they’re going to be better and if the world’s going to be better, then I’m weirdly supportive of it.”

NL: I never thought about it that way...

ERW: “It is scary, and I think we are at a real kind of... It’s a really strange time to be alive because I think technology is going to keep getting more advanced faster and faster. It’s a great time for the show to really explore that and explore the nature of human beings and what really makes us human. I feel like humans are being held back a lot, kind of like the host in Westworld. Evolution is being held back a lot, and we could be way more advanced than we are, so we’ll see. There will be much better problem-solvers, and we won’t be burdened with a lot of the shit that our minds are.”

NL: If you were a guest at Westworld, what fantasy do you think you would play out?

ERW: “At Comic Con this year, they had a Westworld installation, and they had these amazing actors come in and evaluate you, and tell you if you’re going to be a White Hat or a Black Hat. It was scarily good. They had real personality tests, and at the end, they gave you a detailed overview of your personality—it was dead on. It was so creepy, and everybody that did it felt the same way. Some people came out [of it] emotional and with tears in their eyes. And I was like, ‘Oh, what if I’m going to get a White Hat or a Black Hat,’ and it ended with her saying, ‘I think you need to choose.’ I chose the Black Hat. It just felt more honest about it because I believe that every human is a Black Hat. And that doesn’t mean I’d go and just like kill everybody and be a lunatic, but I do think it would be a bit naive to think that I would just be good the whole time. That’s just [an] honest answer [laughs].”

NL: What’s next for you?

ERW: “Well, my band Rebel and a Basketcase is actually no more, but I’m still making music. I’m doing some of my own now. It’s very different, but I’m stocked. Rebel and a Basketcase was really fun, empowering, happy music, and I think my solo stuff is going to be a little more gritty and moody, and just a different side—my Black Hat side [laughs].”