#it’s super interesting and I think I like this field of work
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(Spoilers) Just a Reminder to Curly Sympathizers
Jimmy and Curly are not "Problematic Favs". They're literally thematic vessels for THE problem.
CW: Mentions of SA, and Abuse
Curly (And Pony Express as a Company) Never Cared to give Anya Pysche Evals. Curly only started to care for that when it doubled as an occupational hazard to him and his image.
Curly actively vouches for Jimmy as a crew member despite his "struggle" on earth. I don't see how it'd be far-fetched to assume that involves some form of Misconduct with the fact Curly literally says
"You've gotten through difficult situations before" RIGHT AFTER talking to Anya the actual Victim.
Curly doesn't understand why Anya was talking about the locks on the sleeping quarters and moves past it to reinforce the company's logic. [The Company and Curly can not be bothered to consider or provide actual safety for women. It is an afterthought that resembles a cruel apathy towards women's perspectives in a corporate work environment.]
Would Curly have given the gun to Anya if she asked? Probably not. While that is somewhat debatable It rings to the shitty isolated environment where Anya would have to take up such a mindset. Not to mention Curly is clearly super pals with Jimmy, so if that was a concern he'd probably take Jimmy's (and the rest of the guys) side considering he later took jimmy's side under the fact he sexually assaulted a woman.
The first thing Curly says to Jimmy after trying to consolidate Anya is "I Can Fix This". Curly enables Jimmy to find ways to get out of taking responsibility for the harm he did to Anya.
Curly buckles to the fact his mind is more focused on his position and reputation as a Captain rather than the personal impact Jimmy's harm has caused Anya. This issue is an occupational obstacle to him first and foremost.
Jimmy: "This can be remembered as a tragedy".
Jimmy: "The Tuplar crew was never found."
Jimmy: "You're standing at the top. Feet in cement. Right?"
Curly: "...Right."
And his complacency and dissonance of that truth leads him to do absolutely nothing.
I have seen so much art, and discourse treating him like he wasn't an active enabler. You know what. Fuck it. Half of this is going to double as an Anya Post. thinking about how people disgustingly twist her character to redeem two shitty men who are completely at fault irks me so much.
Anya
The fact that Anya doesn't really get to build herself as a character outside of the scenes that reinforce her tragedy, and antagonist environment feels super sucky.
The purpose of such a narrative direction is of course meant to feed into Jimmy's resentful apathetic attitude towards her, and emphasize the cold unfeeling corporate entity that hired her to be on the tulpar, but as a narrative choice, it still feels rather cruel to take in. Jimmy literally erases her personhood from his mind and only internalizes her presence as a threatening womb while taking the rest of the games runtime to focus on himself and the other men on board.
I see many renditions of Anya in fanart. Adding to her character in ways people weren't really given the time to appreciate or take in during the actual game due to how little she's left with.
I find her canon resolution both annoying and interesting due to this type of interaction where the fans are being pushed towards an interpretive play pen where they are motivated to give Anya more characteristics, quirks, and perspectives than she was allowed to have or emphasize within the game.
Using such field of creative deliberation to redeem the men that actively harmed her is such a gross way to use that play pen.
To get into some interpretations
A pretty important moment occurs after Anya runs out of the medical room during the painkiller scene with the thought:
"I have to believe that our worst moments don't make us monsters"
I think there are quite a few different ways to take this line in this moment, but to share my own perspective I believe it most likely stems from these potential factors:
Anya is trying to maintain a metric of empathy and trust to continue to control herself in the current conditions and stresses she's under at this moment. The needs of the crew can not be upheld without this kind of thinking while under the orders of her abuser.
Anya still cares for Curly and is disconnecting the harm he caused from the rest of his humanity as a person who is also suffering.
Anya is reflecting on her own legitimacy while the internalized trauma she went through makes her feel alienated from herself. Accepting the actual piece of shit that is Curly allows her to hold faith in herself as a person through the shared correlation of pain and "mistakes" as she percieves it bonding her with Curly.
While somewhat ambigous I think its important to generally understand these types of potential layers when interacting with the themes and subjects presented by Anya as a character. Ideas which are critical and dissective of Anya as an actual Subject above a simple generalized understanding of her peripherally as a victim.
also Idea 2 doesn't make Curly vindicated. Curly was the only member that Gave Anya some sense of care (As ingenuine as that care was). That dependency is toxic and was unfortuately potentially of mental necessity to Her. To reframe it as a point for Curly to show he was better than what he presented himself to be so deeply annoys me with how uncritical that reframing is when addressing the actual faults and mentality that led him to his bedridden state. With how little Anya is already focused on, it feels like that interpretation and dynamic hands Curly the position of "Subject" while Anya still remains an "Event" to some people.
That kind of thinking not only significantly reeks of a lack of indulgence in actually trying to further interpret the facets presented in Anya's character, position, and mental state, but also dilutes the meaning to be had in analyzing Curly as an enabler. The framing of Curly as an "Enabler in Rehab" or "Tragic Casualty" feels so utterly ignorant, redundant, and enigmatic to my senses when he is so utterly undeserving compared to Anya who barely gets any other elaboration or analysis from the community outside of "awww wasn't that sad" or sensationalization around "The Event".
I WOULD go into Anya's logic leading up to her death, but thats a post and analysis for a different tumblr user to take care of. I honestly just gradually have developed new ways to hate the Mouthwashing fandom, so I really needed this to make mental space for the next few horrible bizarre takes i'll inevitably see about this game.
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I've already said it somewhere, but I think it would be interesting to study this field as scholars do academicaly for various works of art and literature. For example, we need a feminist reading of Xadhoom's storyarc.
Like, she is a super-qualified woman, that, thanks to her capabilities, quite literally, reaches the stars. And she is compensated with the distruction of her people and a consuming yearn for a traditional family role she is doomed to never get.
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Maybe I will make a continuous post like I did with the songs stuck in my head at my old job, but for survival strategies at my new job.
#life stuff#work stuff#i almost cried today because I’m so overwhelmed#which would have made this the second time I cried at the office#i managed to not cry by having a very nice chat with a coworker#but OOOF#This JOB#it’s super interesting and I think I like this field of work#but having to jump right into an existing system and having to learn as I go because all the projects are already in motion…#it’s so tough
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"You're running on your own, and that makes you slow."
#bakuage sentai boonboomger#boonboomger#super sentai#charge team captain madrex#madrex#mad rex#modification captain cannonborg#cannonborg#umbrella.gifs#userdramas#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#their chemistry...#to be fair cannonborg's job was mainly in modification and overseeing modifications and how best to modify under the circumstances#madrex is a team captain keyword team but that's not to say that cannonborg's inability to work with others is a plus#while it may be at hq when he's on the field he should make modifications for the situation that being he's overseeing a team and#is responsible for them and should be standing by them to create a more efficient play but his ego keeps him from doing so bc he thinks he'#perfect as is and doesn't need to change himself in any way which is very interesting considering how quick he is to want to modify others#i don't think the hits at him toward his ego helped in any way either but made him even less likely to help his team personally and really#the hashiliens are so disorganized and selfish that it's no wonder they can't fight solo and win tbh
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SO BASICALLY,
The general concept is that Hyacinthus, the (secret) sixth prince of Laconia is sent to Olympia to help out after the catastrophic earthquake that's completely paralysed the town. He gets there, he's given his land and he finds this cool statue of his Very Handsome Man on his land and would you look at that, the Very Handsome Statue is talking to him and introduced himself as Apollo, how nice-!
In short, it's something of a domestic mystery - much like in Fields of Mistria itself, the earthquake has awakened old magic in Olympia once more due to interfering with the seals far below the earth. Hyacinthus, motivated to help Apollo get his lost memories back and for the good of the town, traverses down the mines so he can break the seals and, in the process, maybe un-statue the really hot guy that's sharing this farmland with him.
Below the cut I'll put the list of the characters I assigned to the townspeople if you're interested <33
Farmer → Hyacinthus
Sent by the Adventurer’s Guild to help repair Olympia. Is the only one that can hear the voice of the Radiant from the statue on his farm. Sixth prince of Laconia, still in contact with his family, wanted to help his people after the disaster.
Caldarus → Apollo
A God of old Olympia, used to be widely worshipped but is now sealed away deep under the earth. Has lost most of his memories along with much of his power but has recently reawakened due to a disaster which disrupted his seals. Can only communicate to Hyacinthus through the statue on his farm.
Balor → Hermes
A prolific merchant who excels at delivering quality goods in unorthodox places. Took a special interest in Olympia after the disaster and remained the town’s sole contact to the outside world in the wake of their bridge collapsing. Always smiling and extremely mysterious - he has suspiciously low prices despite the danger of his work.
Nora → Demeter
Head of Olympia’s Chamber of Commerce and co-owner of the General Store in town. Works closely with both Hermes and Hektor to keep the town running smoothly as well as coordinate the restoration of Olympia after the disaster.
Holt → Triptolemus
Co-owner of the General Store and Demeter’s life partner. Extremely reliable but a bit lost without Demeter’s instructions, he’s extremely skilled at cultivating crops and is responsible for stocking the general store with seasonal seeds and saplings. Strictly vegetarian.
Celine → Persephone
Demeter’s daughter and an avid lover of flowers. Constantly busy with the beautification of Olympia when she’s not researching the rare and mythical flora of Olympia’s past. She handles stocking the general store with seasonal flower seeds and furniture. Is in a secret relationship with Hades, one of the merchants from out of town.
Dell → Pelops
Demeter’s ward and a greatly troubled child. Rambunctious with a very vivid imagination, he has big dreams of returning to the capital and taking his rightful place as a Duke. Due to the remote nature of Olympia, it is the perfect place for him to be hidden away from his father’s madness and, luckily, no one in Olympia takes his tales seriously. Demeter worries about him endlessly.
Eiland → Cassandra
The younger child of the Baron and Baroness of Olympia, she is greatly concerned with the history and architecture of Olympia. Extremely perceptive and always on the lookout for more hints about Olympia’s buried past. Founded the History Society so she could more effectively research her current obsession, the scattered steles of a long dead god.
Adeline → Hektor
The elder child of the Baron and Baroness of Olympia, after the disaster struck he dedicated himself to restoring Olympia at all costs. He truly believes in the people and potential of this town and though he has never been particularly superstitious, he has found himself more inclined to pray and pay attention to natural omens since starting this project. He personally dedicates himself to working alongside Hyacinthus for the sake of restoring Olympia to its former glory.
Elsie → Paris
Older relative of the Baron and a Count, he agreed to look after Hektor and Cassandra in Olympia while their parents were away. Seems to prefer Olympia’s quieter countryside but always has a story or two to tell about his exploits in the Capital. Seems especially fond of a particular man and woman he left behind in favour of coming to live with the Baron and his family.
Juniper → Penthesilea
A foreign woman who has not entirely settled into Olympia. Runs the bathhouse and gym and spends a lot of time on the Eastern Road. Is especially interested in the seals and inscriptions scattered around Olympia but staunchly refuses to join the History Society. Apparently, she is not very fond of Orpheus.
Valen → Orpheus
The extremely skilled but extremely reserved town doctor. He has a clinic in the town centre and mostly keeps to himself, though he is especially fond of flowers and trees. Doesn’t speak much and instead prefers to write his thoughts down or communicate with sign language. Wears a wedding ring but notably, lives alone.
Olric → Zephyrus
The older of the blacksmithing duo, a gentle man with a big heart. Part of the History Society and very enthusiastic about life, he was part of a skilled band of adventurers called the ‘Anemoi’ before eventually retiring and moving to Olympia. Spends a lot of his time on high hills and summits and can speak the language of flowers. Is good friends with Persephone.
March → Dionysus
The younger of the blacksmithing duo and undoubtedly the more skilled craftsman of the two, has been working extremely hard to help put the town to rights after the disaster and is a bit on edge because of it. Super welcoming and friendly but also somewhat unsettling due to his intensity, doesn’t actually care much about smithing and would much rather spend his days making wine casks and custom drinking cups.
Hemlock → Asclepius
Co-owner of the Sleeping Eclipse Inn and the town doctor before Orpheus moved in. He’s an anchor of the town and the inn is Olympia’s beating heart. Extremely well-read and a skilled luthier he helps wherever he can. Due to some difficulties with his health after the disaster, his family has been forcing him to take it easy. Cries every time he hears Orpheus sing.
Josephine → Epione
Co-owner of the Sleeping Eclipse Inn and the town veterinarian. She’s a powerful woman, the second tallest person in Olympia and very intimidating on first glance because of it. Despite this, she is extremely gentle-natured and always has a smile for those who enter her doors, works closely with Aristaeus to ensure the town’s internal supply of animal produce isn’t threatened, especially after the massive losses taken after the disaster. Was a ranger before she met Asclepius and still has her horse, Miel.
Reina → Iaso
Eldest child of Asclepius and Epione, was educated in the Capital but came home in a huff due to a major blowout with her boss at the hospital she worked at. Currently studying the healing power of food and cooking and works as the Sleeping Eclipse’s chef while she does her research. Is extremely concerned about her father’s health but refuses to let it show.
Luc → Machaon
Middle child of Asclepius and Epione, he is determined to become a surgeon and surpass his father’s legend. Very smart young lad and one of the few people in town who completely believes Pelops’ stories, he loves small animals like insects and birds and often tries to nurse any small injured creature he can find back to health. Is fascinated by Pelops’ shoulder prosthetic and hopes to one day be able to make such a difference for someone else.
Maple → Hygeia
Youngest child of Asclepius and Epione, is a twin but her sister died shortly after being born. Despite never knowing her sister, Hygeia struggles with a deep sense of loneliness and grief that has only recently started to ease with the help of the townspeople. Adores Orpheus and often spends the day shadowing him in the hopes of hearing him sing or play his lute. She is the only one Orpheus talks to about his dead wife.
Ryis → Thamyris
A carpenter who studied music in the Capital, came to Olympia shortly before the disaster at his friend’s request and was trapped after the bridge collapsed. Has a bit of a poor attitude due to once having big dreams of becoming a famous bard but is now too attached to Olympia to leave, no matter how much he grumbles about its backwater nature. Is convinced there’s something singing in the mines but is completely useless with a sword.
Landen → Hippolytus
Owner of the Red-tailed Stag House of Carpentry (or the Stag House for short) and a very good friend of Thamyris. He gave up on urban life a long time ago and is dedicated to living in oneness and harmony with nature. Strictly vegetarian and kind of a stickler for his views being respected, he’s been on edge since the disaster since there’s been a massive change in the lands of Olympia. Most of the townspeople don’t take him seriously, but Penthesilea seems to think of him as a kindred spirit. He doesn’t work on the 6th or 16th of every month.
Errol → Eros
Museum Curator, ex-adventurer and all around incredibly offputting guy, despite his open nature and pretty face, Eros seems to know everything about everything yet is unwilling to share that information with the rest of the town. His only delight seems to be the History Society and he is extremely pleased that Hyacinthus has decided to collect old artefacts and explore the mines. Apart from Cassandra, Eros is the only one that acknowledges the statue on Hyacinthus’ farm and occasionally passes by just to stare at it.
Hayden → Aristaeus
Owner of Sweetwind Farm and the only other farmer in Olympia, Aristaeus has deep roots in this town and his family has lived and farmed here for generations. Skilled with animals and is extremely handy with preserving food, pressing olives into oil and keeping bees, he has almost single-handedly kept the town fed during the worst of the shortages brought on by the disaster despite the losses to his animals. Has a deep aversion to dogs and wishing stars. Seems to know a few things about Olympia’s history that no one else does but isn’t exactly eager to talk about it.
Terithia → Medea
A beautiful woman who lives alone on the beach. Has lived a long and eventful life and refers to Olympia as her ‘jail-cell’, her ‘gilded cage’ and her ‘death-house’ based on her mood. Much like Eros, she seems to know many things but is not inclined to let anyone else know, but unlike Eros, she very openly spins exciting tales of her youth when she was a court sorceress and princess. Though she doesn’t do much magic these days, she still has the knowledge and is always willing to decode some arcane knowledge for a price.
Obviously there are a lot of liberties taken for the sake of the AU but that's the broad strokes of it. Thanks for asking about it @gotstabbedbyapen !!
#ginger rambles#greek mythology#Like I said I'm already writing for it LMFAO#I was immediately fascinated by the fact that the Saturday Merchants mention how odd the ecology and horticulture of Mistria is#It's attributed to the magic but I think it's really interesting to play around with#Hyacinthus is absolutely working hard but the daily back and forth between him and the Apollo statue is all I need in my life actually#Also the Demeter-Triptolemus-Perse family is just for me hehe#SUPER SAD I COULDN'T FIT HELENUS IN HERE#But Paris as Elsie fit WAYYY too well#Hades is Louis btw - or the tailor who was banished from the Capital/Laconia#Darcy - the travelling barista is Psyche#Merri - the furniture builder is Hephaestus and Vera the hairdresser is Aphrodite#The Dragon Priestess is Artemis#Sooo excited to post writing/talk more about it I think it's a great change of pace from my usual hyapollo writings#Apollo#hyacinthus#hyapollo#fields of mistria au
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that's so cool that you study sex + psychology!! i think that stuff is sooo interesting, esp as an ace person - i joke that sex and especially kink are one of my special interests. at the very least it's a lens through which i love exploring my other interests! i don't suppose you have any recs for like interesting books or articles that are suitable for an amateur in the field? learning some actual theory seems super fun!
Oooohhh my god you have activated my trap card. I get to talk about some of my favourite documentaries. So!! So!! Most of the time I can't rec books as they tend to be very specific to subsections in fields such as shibari, BDSM, Dark Triads, taboo subject matters (Philias), and similar subject! But for an over view, I can recommend Psychology of Human Sexuality by Justin J. Lehmiller which is the textbook I used for my own classes as it gives an overview of every general field of sexuality.
But! But! I can give some specific documentaries as suggestions! First, I would suggest the video "The wheel of consent" by betty martin on youtube! It has a very interesting perspective on consent and how the different variations of it can play out in sexual scenes as well as platonic scenes. IIRC she has a longer version of this video, but the one I used for studies was this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auokDp_EA80
Another documentary is!!! Sex on Wheels! Which is an interesting documentary on sexuality and disabilities, and how people view it. There are a lot of variation in disabilities present, how long the individual has lived with it, and their opinions on their own autonomy as a person, and how that interacts with their sex lives versus romantic lives. I can't seem to find it on Youtube even though thats where I watched it ;-; it might have gotten deleted? So I'll add a link to the wiki instead https://docuwiki.net/index.php?title=Sex_on_Wheels
As for articles, my professor suggested a sex shops blog! If you have a local adult store, or sex dungeon, they will most likely have classes or a blog that will discuss overviews on toys, lubes/and other lubricants, bondage, Dom/subbing, and how sexuality may impact lives. While I do have one on the ready, I dont feel comfortable sharing it due to the fact it would expose where I live, sorry!!! ;-;
Now! Now! If you have specific kinks or subjects you want articles on, Im happy to look them up and see if I can find ones that you dont need access to databases for or books on the subject matter. I dont want to accidentally send one you might get triggered by ;;;;;;;; so it might be easier if you asked for specifics instead of me just suggesting random subjects ;;;;; (sorry if this is less than what you wanted!!! I have a few things I keep close to my chest just in case it triggers people because as I do study psychology alongside sex I tend to read about INCREDIBLY TRAUMATIC STUDIES AND HISTORICAL ACCOUNTS (like the first vibrators and their history))
#POINTS AT YOU. THANK YOU FOR ASKING. I WILL BE NOW SUPER OPEN ABOUT SHARING ARTICLES I READ ON THIS SIDE BLOG#But tbf I do think if you want overview on the subject matters getting textbooks that are general and then going through it until you find#something you find interesting helps greatly because than you can narrow down the field into simple subject matters for article finding#Also Im bouncing off the walls Im going to look up articles on lube if I can find it because I want to share how teh different lubes affect#toys and playtime with other people because!! It can affect!! A lot!! of things!!!!!!#like water based lubes work less well if the person being penetrated is dehydrated because their skin will absorb the water present!!#making it less effective!!!!#okay I hope this helps Im literally going craazzzzzyyyyyyyy
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heterogenia linguistico is so interesting...
#before i knew it i caught up X_X#being about language tho it feels like its especially important to get the translations accurate akndjccjdnd#if i could find physical copies id get them immediately esp since its like at 4 volumes still#but its also reminding me how little i remember of my linguistics degree AKAMNDNDNDNCMF#and our field methods unit....#which was super interesting but really impresses upon u the difficulty of learning (observing?) a language from the bottom up#also my socially anxious ass was not fond of the idea of field research erhsbscbd#which i understood to be necessary in pursuing a masters? so i didnt want to LOL#im looking at it now and that may not be true.... or it depends on the actual degree#in any case anything linguistics related will involve talking to people lmao so even tho based on my knowledge#it would make sense to pursue further linguistics...... i dont think i would actually be good at it career wise in any form#ok hang on ive just taken a look at an applied linguistics degree. there IS a capstone project#which would involve field work but maybe not to the extent i was imagining#in any case im not actually confident i remember enough from my undergrad 😭😭😭😭😭#holy shit i finished it like. 6 years ago......
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It makes me upset to see people calling AI stupid or just straight up saying "fuck AI" (even though it's in an art context) because it's like... I know and understand that the hate is directed at how it's being used currently and that people maybe just don't care like I do about this but it's upsetting because that's WORK. Not in a monetary sense at all but what everyone knows as AI didn't just sprout from the ground one day, it's decades of dedication and learning and development and collaboration to make a tool with the intention of making life better regardless of any one individual's intentions and it just makes me sad that there's so much panic around it, both from the whole "being replaced" thing that comes from waaay way back and also the very real concerns regarding generative AI. Like I can't just go up to someone and say "hey, isn't this cool?!" and expect them to understand I'm talking about AI as a tool and a product of passion and collaboration over time rather than a quick easy fix for when you want to see yourself as an anime character without having to learn to respect art first. I don't knowww it just makes me so so sad that something so beautiful is viewed in such a negative and strange light because the entire world refuses to slow down for a single second
#diary#it's also the fact that most people don't have any particular interest in cs#like nothing beyond ''we're in the future :o'' and it's not something you can force because that's how you get people being adverse#to anything ever#I feel like anything to do with technology is so sensationalized that people see it as ''something difficult'' and leave it at that#it has a lot to do with math in particular being regarded as a Superior show of intelligence even today and it has always been#sooo incredibly fucked up to me.#cause the amount of people at school that would treat me like an alien just cause I liked math / anything puzzle-y is INSANE#for example I have no fucking clue how most things work. like in general. so I really admire people who are good or invested in those thing#but I hate to think that any field or development is comparable to Magic or super estranged from myself or anything like that#because SOMEONE DID THAT. everything you know was worked for#and stopping to think about someone's work only to end up talking about it like it's magical or impossible#feels like a massive disrespect towards them. it's not impossible. someone worked hard to make it possible.#but I understand that stopping to consider these things is not something everyone can afford to do or even want to do#I'm a very slow person in general to the point I want to spend as long as possible looking at every part of anything I find interesting#but I just can't do that because there's other things I need to do. and it's the same for everyone else#tldr WHY ARE WE GOING SO FUCKING FAST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry about my ramble. you are my mutual and you love me <- indoctrination btw
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no but I truly think the reason vettonso works so well is bc both seb and nando are fandom bicycles... they've both fucked everyone else but they'll always come back to eachother afterwards etc etc
LITERALLY SOOOOO TRUE GRACE!!!! EXACTLY!!!
Like before getting into f1 rpf, I was never really a multishipper, but with Seb and Fernando particularly, I just want to see them with literally everyone 😭 And it's just interesting because as you said they're fandom bicycles, you could make literally either of them the focal point of a shipping chart and it would work out better than the typical circle imo
"They've both fucked everyone else but they'll always come back to eachother" exactly this 🥺🥺 I guess my vettonso narrative is they've spent so long dancing around each other, being in the same circles, but never really connecting with each other, but then realize the one for them has been the one who's always been there, in the background, if that makes sense? Realizing the one for you has been there the entire time, you were just too blind and bitter to realize AAAAGHHHH
#stable anchors and all that#like not really being close with the other but subconsciously appreciating the familarity and finding comfort in it#like no matter how much the grid changes i know youll always be there alongside me(NOT ANYNORE SOB SOB SOB)#but yeah i think theyre very much mirrors of each other. theres just too many similarities for me to ignore#and i think its interesting:#theyve both been in the sport long enough to watch their ship dynamics flip#i.e. Fernando's general characterization in Webbonso vs Strollonso#+ Seb's in Martian vs Sebchal#but meanwhile vettonso have just always perpetually been there and have a super long narrative#and i like it cause they always seem very equal to me compared to other ships(not that i dont absolutely love that but yeah)#theyre on very level playing field so it works out so well!!#catie.asks.
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***
#this is gonna sound so obnoxious but please stick with me here#it’s been interesting to see my bootstrap believing parents come to terms with the difference between my brother and I#I am so incredibly fortunate/privileged it’s kind of insane#my fiancé is an accountant with a generous family and I’m a lawyer#I think our life is like. the bare minimum of what every human should have just by virtue of being alive#we have decent housing and can afford groceries and modest vacations and have health insurance etc#my family is lower to true middle class depending on the year#and my brother is a broke single grad student in a creative field#but I’m the oldest so my parents will be like ‘well idk why his apartment is so expensive that seems like a poor choice’#and then I tell them what our rent is (and we got a deal because the previous tenants trashed the place)#and they’re like 👀👀👀 pardon#like yeah that’s the housing crisis. idk what to tell you. housing is too expensive#I can’t quite articulate the phenomenon but it’s like me being the prototype of ‘successful’#and then living a modest life fairly similar to my parents when they were my age and decidedly not lawyers is actually clicking for them#like maybe things are actually super broken. and poverty/financial stress has nothing to do with work ethic and everything to do with luck
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@nnoiffu replied to your post “funniest thing about being medicated for ADHD is...”:
moving from art to business was the best decision i ever made and now im an analyst and i would not trade it for anything
yeah i feel like you get me lol especially because i know you and i share very similar views of both our capitalist hellscape + value in art ( creating, and receiving; visual, written, or otherwise )
i am having a lovely time drawing daily again, focusing on improving fundamentals again and revisiting projects/ideas i've had for years. tomorrow i am hosting a three hour figure drawing session in an art discord, and i'm really excited about it. i am actually struggling to play video games, because i am just more interested in drawing all the time, and it feels great.
and honestly one of the last things i want to do right now is try to take all that, and the enjoyment i'm getting out of it, and adjust it to the current environment of professional art - one of the og hustle cultures lol.
#like if a decent paying and secure job making art landed in my lap i'd be all for that#but those uh..... barely seem to exist these days LOL#and especially not for new artists trying to push into the industry#when every company would rather just do as much as possible through cheap contract work#or layoff every employee below a certain level after each project#i'm not especially interested in having to fight against the literal industry so much#to have a job/freelance effort where being overworked is the given#obviously there's a degree of that everywhere because The Problem is Capitalism™#but certainly some fields of employment have different recipes of exploitation than others#and idk i might be naive about the specifics of other careers. maybe book keeping is actually super cut throat#but i don't /think/ i see entire think pieces about why book keepers had to go through 3 months of crunch#with no overtime or benefits#before getting laid off by bethesda or w/e
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I know it's useful to consume perspectives that make me feel defensive and self-conscious but I wish it was easier to tell when that feeling is coming from unexplored reactionary tendencies or whatever and when it's because I have a fair criticism that I just don't know how to articulate yet.
#I have such a knee-jerk reaction to criticisms of science as a concept or an industry idk#and most scientists imo aren't super interested in talking about the role of science in colonialism or flaws in the pharma industry#but I also feel like non-scientists don't Get It enough to know where to point the blame necessarily#spent a half hour the other day typing and retyping a response to someone on askamanager before just deleting it and walking away#because they said that in an ideally structured society R&D wouldn't be too expensive#and it's just. it takes SO much work and time and money to develop one single drug#and sure some of that cost is bloat from pharma and insurance companies#and from the vendors of scientific reagents overcharging because they know they can#but some corners can't be be cut#idk I think patent law for scientific/therapeutic tools needs massive reform and some things should legally have to be open-source#but science is going to cost money. there's a crisis in academia right now because the NIH won't raise the minimum postdoc salary#and that's not good for anyone#idk scientists should learn the sociology/history of our field (beyond responsible conduct of research classes mentioning nazi experiments)#and we need to learn to talk to non-scientists without being condescending#personal
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okay so i’ve been spoiled for death note only for the fact that it apparently sucks once L dies but like. L isn’t even dead yet and it kinda is sucking already :/
#like ever since light gave up the death note and lost his memories….#it’s just. not nearly as high quality. like the detective work is super basic and surface level#and fhe mind games… straight up don’t exist anymore. there’s no more mind games#i think it’s pretty interesting and frankly quite funny how the tone of the show became a lot more lighthearted#as a sort of mirror of light’s mental state— when he had the death note his ego was so obviously overinflated#and as he was in a super dramatic edgy mindset; the story and setting (even the character design) were very dark and dramatic and edgy#but once he lost all memories and consequently all of his dramaticism#the show itself lost all of its dramaticism#and i think that’s a super interesting concept and it could be easily overlooked#however. i do think that the show is now Boring.#like come on. where are the mind games. where are the crazy out of left field hypotheses#where is all of the reverse-reverse-reverse psychology#bleh i hope this arc ends quickly bc i’m so bored
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Okay I have an interview with a temping agency that organise TA positions. If I just end up straight back in education after this whole side quest I’m going to laugh and then cry
#okay i hated teaching but tbh i didn’t mind TAing? and i have this friend who said they were thinking about leaving education entirely#until they switched to TAing and now they love their job#they TA in primary school though which… to me is insane. i spent a morning volunteering in a primary school and it was just full on chaos#like please give me adults or at least older teenagers lol#other than that… i mean i think i’d be okay as a TA. i’m just fully out of practice doing interviews in the education field#i remember that they’re super strict and i remember some of the questions they ask. they aaaalways ask about safeguarding and british values#which are really simple questions to answer. they want you to say something like ‘i’d report to the safeguarding lead’#and name a few british values; maybe walk them through how you’d approach the subject with a class#for a TA it’d probably be even less intense than that. they’d just want to know i’ve had Some prevent training#the rest i don’t really know. probably just the usual stuff about my experience and why i want to TA#they’re probably going to be way too interested in why someone with a master’s degree and multiple teaching quals wants to be a TA#and take the salary hit; and the honest answer is i don’t like teaching. i don’t like the long hours or the responsibility#but i don’t mind working in education and i know i have the necessary skills to do so lol#regardless. i’m just going to prep for the interview and then do it. it’ll be fine probably#personal
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Why I Love Hanamusa
I get this question very frequently but have never given a really in depth, definitive answer. All just kinda implied through my comics and spread out asks. So here's this I guess! Long post ahead:
First, as a Pokémon fan in her mid 20s, I love seeing a ship where the characters are both in their mid/late 20s. Already, they’re much more relatable to me and my current experiences. Most Pokémon ships are between preteens, which can be cute but ultimately don’t interest me as much as they used to when I was a kid myself. Not enough to get super invested in and draw a lot of fanart for anyways haha.
I’ll also start by saying that canon doesn’t always influence whether or not I’ll ship something. I’m much more drawn to potential. Could the characters work together? Do their personalities work together in a nice way? I feel like this so much of fanon is anyways. Especially with queer relationships because they’re rarely depicted in the first place. A lot of the context for these ships is usually up to the fans to piece together or make up in general. And that’s the fun part to me!
Jessie and Delia have only met in the anime a handful of times. Any interaction they’ve had has either been pleasant, or just a typical Team Rocket interaction, with Delia dismissing them/not seeing them as a threat. Already a great jumping off point for me since, truly, they don’t have any actual beef or true, ill feelings towards each other. It’s not TOO out of the realm of possibility for them to potentially fall for each other. “But Jessie chased Delia’s son around trying to steal his Pokémon!” That’s where that dismissive and aloof attitude that Delia has comes into play. I’ll go more into Delia’s whole deal a bit later but I do think this aspect of her personality is a large reason why this ship can work. It’s not that she doesn’t care that Jessie has a bad past, but she can tell that, on the inside, Jessie’s a good person. And, in a scenario where Jessie is trying to become a better person, is forgiving enough to give her a shot. I feel like this is such a solid foundation for a ship. A character who has done wrong but is trying to be better and another character who is willing to help them be better. A classic dynamic!
It’s not just one-sided though; where Jessie is the only one benefitting and learning from the relationship. I believe Delia could get a lot out of being with someone like Jessie. To understand why, I think it’s important to know these characters’ respective backstories.
Jessie is an orphan/foster child who grew up in poverty. Her mother Miyamoto (from The Birth of Mewtwo) was a Team Rocket operative herself, who went on a mission to find Mew. In order to do this, she had to leave Jessie when she was just a toddler. Unfortunately, Miyamoto went MIA on her mission leaving Jessie to more or less fend for herself. Jessie went through life with zero stability, evident by her MANY different careers and constant moving around. It’s implied in the show that she went from foster home to foster home, and later in life tried being an idol, weather girl, florist, wine connoisseur, actress, most notably a nurse and finally a Team Rocket field agent. And even while in Team Rocket, she, James and Meowth were always doing odd jobs to get by. We see that Jessie used to be a sweet kid, and even adult, but the world and her circumstances repeatedly did her dirty, leading her to become the character we know today. Hot tempered, mean, selfish, etc. But despite this, her soft side does still shine through for the people and Pokémon she cares about. She is incredibly loyal.
Delia, unbeknownst to a lot of fans, also had a rough past (see Pocket Monsters: The Animation). Like Jessie, she had a lot of dreams and aspirations like wanting to be a model and even a trainer. But when she was 10, her mother didn’t let her, telling her that she had to stay home and learn to run the family restaurant (she’s an only child). Delia’s father left her and her mother to be a trainer, and never returned. When she was 18, she married Ash’s father and became pregnant shortly after. But right after Ash was born, he also set off to be a Pokémon trainer. And soon after that, her mother passed away, leaving Delia with just the restaurant and baby Ash. This gives so much context to Delia’s attitude in the show. We see that Delia is pained whenever Ash leaves on a journey, but she never shows that pain to anyone. ESPECIALLY Ash. She’s very quick to shoo him off when he shows any sign of wanting to go on another journey and even when he returns home, she acts more excited to see Pikachu than him almost every time. Without all this backstory, it’s easy to just read this as a funny gag, BUT with context, I think it really shows how quickly Delia shuts down and detaches in order to not confront her own feelings. She’s afraid of losing people and getting hurt again.
All that said, I think Jessie and Delia provide each other with EXACTLY what the other needs.
Aside from becoming rich and famous, Jessie’s biggest aspiration is to get married. In my opinion, this is more so an underlying want for love and stability. There is no one more stable in the show than Delia. Delia’s lived in Pallet her whole life, she’s worked at the same restaurant since she was young and she is always there when Ash comes back home. She has all the love, patience and stability Jessie needs and craves. While forgiving, Delia’s not stupid and can keep Jessie in check. Delia’s also just an angel, which I feel, would make Jessie want to be better. And on top of all this, on more of a surface level, Delia’s a chef and excellent cook. She shows love through cooking and Jessie, who grew up poor, regularly starving and eating snow, happily receives that love. Jessie’s able to live a happy and healthy life with someone like Delia.
Delia, as stated, is very stable. Likely pretty monotonous and solitary, especially living in such a small town like Pallet. This isn’t a bad thing but it’s a little sad when you consider that Delia also had dreams of traveling, being a model and a trainer. She had to give up so many dreams in order to fulfill her duties as a restaurant owner and mother. And even now, when Ash is off on his journey, she feels the need to always be home and be that stable pillar, leaving behind any ambitions she had, thinking it’s too late for her (she’s only 29 btw). But then along comes Jessie, dangerous, passionate, an absolute firecracker. Someone who’s whole life has been about chasing dreams and either, never giving up on them or finding a new dream to chase. Upon learning about Delia’s past aspirations, I could see Jessie pushing her towards them, letting her know that life’s too short and she has nothing to lose from trying. On top of this, Jessie’s also loyal. She, James and Meowth are depicted as doing anything for anyone who gives them food or shows them kindness. Delia does both so there’s no way Jessie would leave her. This fulfills an essential need for Delia, who is afraid of the people in her life leaving her.
There’s so much potential for mutual growth and learning between these two and I adore that. They compliment each other, they help each other and they bring out the best qualities in one another.
I’m not really sure how to end this and I could truly talk about them even more but I don’t want this to be tooooo long haha. OH I could end it with maybe the most funny aspect of this ship that I've brushed over and also what drew me to it in the first place. Jessie. As Ash’s stepmom. THE END.
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JJK Characters Realizing They Start Falling for You [Pt.1]
Yuji Itadori:
He always saw you as a bro but suddenly, your jokes and your laugh started being cute instead of the usual funny
He wants you to always see him at his best and he now starts paying double attention to everything he does in front of you
Blushes intensely and avoids direct eye contact, dying of both embarrassment and desire to stare in your eyes forever
Starts being super attentive to small things, like always making sure you are comfortable
Touched your hand “on accident” but immediately admits he kinda likes it
Smiles widely at you letting him keep your hand and brushes your knuckles with his thumb gently
Feels like the luckiest guy in the world (and texts Fushiguro about it almost immediately)
Megumi Fushiguro:
Starts missing you when you are not around
Everything seems…less annoying to him, even the stupid jokes that Yuji makes
Catches himself contemplating whether he should just hit you with a casual “hi” text (and tries to find reasoning for that)
Wants to share every movie and song with you
At one point, just starts randomly carrying your stuff, walking you home and etc
During one of such walks, asks if you might be interested in going on a date?
Smiles confidently and a bit shyly upon hearing you say yes
Gojo Satoru:
If you think he was clingy before, think again
He will just be... everywhere you go, popping out of thin air with his signature grin.
He will never admit it but he simply misses you dearly and wants to be by your side.
Also, trust issues: he is scared that once out of your field of view, he'll be... forgotten.
Saves the last sweet for you and puts his jacket on your shoulder when walking you home in the evening
Accidentally tilts his head to breathe in your scent and looks away, smiling
His whole world just concentrates in you, all of a sudden, but he doesn't mind at all
Nanami Kento:
He didn't plan any romance while working as a sorcerer but lately, he's been paying more attention to your presence. In fact, he starts looking forward to you being near him and it causes his mild annoyance.
He hates to admit the fact that you have become something much more meaningful and important than a colleague.
Starts smiling more around you and overall feels more relaxed. His small smile goes amazingly well with his sharp features.
His love language is acts of service so he starts bringing you sweets and pastry, takes some of your tasks and fills in paperwork for you.
Offers you a ride home one day and on the way, suddenly suggests to have dinner together.
"It's just a meal"
At one point during this dinner, just takes your hand and doesn't let go ever since.
Sukuna:
His jokes and wits become less cruel and more... gentle? If he knows what this word even means
He has always been in search of something his whole life, killing people and curses and gaining more and more power. With you around, he just wants peace.
Starts accidentally seeking touch with you: like touching your hand, playing with your hair, wrapping his arm around your waist.
Also, starts making these jokes that you two are together. Their amount intensifies when other men approach you.
One day, just states that you and him are spending the evening together. Doesn't tell you the details though and feels a tingle of unknown excitement.
"Of course it's a date, silly. I want you to be mine and I won't take no for answer"
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanfic#gojo satoru#jujutsu gojo#jjk gojo#jujutsu nanami#nanami kento#nanami headcanons#jujutsu yuji#jjk yuji#jjk megumi#megumi x reader#jujutsu kaisen megumi#sukuna#ryomen x reader#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x reader#jujutsu fluff#gojo fluff#fluff headcanons
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