#it’s such bs that you can’t level up past 12

[six-improbable-things]

Guys. Wtf. No one told me that the Cazador fight was IMPOSSIBLE. Like, I can’t have Astarion with me or else he regains 70 (bonus) HP every turn. I only have three turns to stop the ritual. I can’t fast travel so I can’t go to camp and change out party members, meaning I can’t swap out Astarion last minute. And I really don’t want to swap him out. He should be here for this. It’s his quest. The only tips I can find on google are “push Cazador over the edge and just never fight him” which is not what I want to do.

(For reference I’m level 12, so I can’t level up any more. I have the best gear I can possibly find. I’m prepared for just about anything, but not this fight apparently.)

[saby-chan]

Why the ATLA comics fail when it comes to Zuko and his family

To whom ever took their time to actually stop and read this post, thank you in advance for not skipping my post and willing to stay and read my humble opinion! I hope I won’t disappoint you!

As a relatively newcomer to the ATLA fanbase since 2020, I’ve come across a lot of interesting debates, comments and rants about the show, characters and fandom in general, but nothing has captivated me as much as the dumpster-on-fire that are the ATLA comics, more specifically: The Promise and The Search. 

On one hand we have the hardcore fans who want them to be animated or serialized into the Netflix live action, praising the comics for the new views and subject matters they’ve brought into the show’s lore, while on the other hand we have the furious Azula fandom who is really angry for the fact that best girl didn’t get the redemption arc she rightfully deserved so much after the painful event that was the Last Agni Kai and the even more angry fans of the Urzai ship (yeah, the people who actually ship Zuko’s parents unironically) who hated the retconning of the show’s cannon since the comics basically took a huge fat dump on what was previously established as official cannon, when the Search entered the scene, but between these two sides, who has the more valid point? In the end, are the comics good cannon or bad written fanfiction?

Well... Here are my two cents on this matter since I myself happen to be an Azula and Zuko fan and had huge expectations from these comics (since I wanted more from my fave hot-headed fiery siblings duo) but ended up disappointed: the comics are indeed a huge mess and actually bad written fanfiction when it comes to Zuko and his family! Don’t click off yet, because I actually documented the reasons why exactly the comics fail in this area:

1. The author of these comics is not part of the BryKe duo

Yes, I would like to start with the fact that if you actually take a second to look up who in the heck took the time to write these two books, you won’t find Bryan, nor Mike, but a fellow man named Gene Yang. This is important because while the wiki of both The Promise and The Search state BryKe as the creators, that doesn’t mean that they were the actual minds behind these comics, but rather because ATLA is their “baby” and these comics involve their characters, over which they have copyright. Mr. Yang here is the actual brain behind the plot, as the main writer, which explains why we find huuuuge inconsistencies between the show lore and the comics, especially Zuko wise.

My main issue with Mr. Yang isn’t that he isn’t BryKe specifically, but because he did an unforgivable mistake in his writing process: He projected himself into Zuko’s character, based on the relationship Zuko had with his father. This is a documented fact from an interview in which he explains that he sees himself and his dad’s relationship into Zuko and Ozai and used that when writing their interactions and built Zuko’s character in the comics. And this is wrong because when you have an already very developed and complex character such as Zuko, you can’t just come in and be like “Oh, I was an angsty teen just like him in my teenage years, fighting with my dad and whatnot, so he must have the same thought process as me!”. NO! This is bad fanfiction writer behavior! Zuko has his own personality and philosophy, which he developed over the course of 3 seasons and is not defined by only 1 unfortunate aspect of his past, so you can’t just base his whole mindset and actions off of your own personal experience just because you had the same daddy issues he had!

2. The whole “Promise that you will kill me if I turn out like my dad!” nonsense in The Promise

Reason number 2 why these comics fail and go under the category of “bad fanfiction” is because they fail to convey the core essence of the source material. The whole point of Zuko’s redemption was that he realized the wrongdoings of his ancestors and his own mistakes. He outgrew his desire of gaining his father’s acknowledgement in favor of choosing his own destiny. Having him worry that he’ll turn into his father is utter nonsense and feels like poor angsty drama material for the sake of angst. At this point in time, Zuko has overcame that obstacle in his life a long time ago and should be at the level where he himself is the “Uncle Iroh” for other people and in no way someone concerned of becoming their own worst enemy!

Not only that, but the whole point of Aang’s journey and the story of the show as a whole was to teach us, the viewers, the importance of forgiveness, empathy and love in life. Aang didn’t spare Ozai, aka “the ultimate evil” just to flex in front of his pals or because he is a “ 12 y/o vegan pacifist monk kid”, but because he knew that killing someone, no matter of what they did or wanted to do, wouldn’t restore balance into the Universe, on the contrary, him killing the villain would have meant perpetuating the “endless cycle of hate” that plagued the world. So having Aang promise to kill his best friend in case “they turned into an evil maniac like their dad” contradicts Aang’s whole character and it’s a nonsense that throws into the trash what we’ve learnt throughout the entire TV series.

3. Azula deserved (and was supposed) to have a redemption ark

This might still be pure speculation, but I count it as a documented reason because I’ve heard quite a few people saying that there should’ve been a book 4 in the show, aka “Book 4: Air”, and no, it wasn’t The Search, but actually Zuko and Azula’s journey as Zuko helps his younger sister heal her broken mind by being her very own “Uncle Iroh”. Sure, they prolly were going to end up looking for Ursa, but the journey should’ve ended with them actually being happy and a family again and not the bs we got in The Search where a still very unstable Azula runs away and becomes the “Next Joker”! The only problem is that M. Night had to pop up and curse the world with his movie, which forced BryKe to delay the project (and eventually abandoned it in favor of Korra).

All in all, either if BryKe had this preplanned or not, it made sense for Azula to get a redemption ark, she deserved it because she was just a broken 14 y/o child! If Katara’s mom’s murderer deserved to be forgiven, so did this poor child who had no fault for what happened to her since she had a dysfunctional family! What Gene Yang did in his poorly written fanfiction was to just antagonize a broken child, turning her into a monster for the sake of friggin angst!

4. The Search is the worst of the two, being flat af character wise

And finally, getting to the point that I personally find the most annoying about these comics: The Search. This one... This one is a mess on a hella lot many levels, and just to list a few: characters are flat as fudge, being either black as vanta black (like Ozai and Azula) or pure white like Gene’s Gary Stue OC, Mr Ikem (or how I like to call him, IKEA man) and his ‘victim’ rendition of Ursa, Azula gets to suffer more for no reason (see reason number 3 to why I find this as a no no), Ursa’s whole character sucks ass (man, I could write a whole thesis on why Yang’s version of her is terrible and doesn’t match the strong woman we got in the show) and Zuko does morally wrong stuff (my man literally used his unstable sister to bribe their dad into spitting info about Ursa... Show Zuko would never do that!;-;)

Oh boy, as a person who’s seen a ton of anime and other media and read many books, I can’t begin on how much I despise this type of writing: flat characters are the worst!

 ATLA characters in the show are nothing close to being flat! What I mean by that is that none of them fall perfectly into pure white (aka goodest of good characters with no imperfections) or vanta black (aka lowest and darkest twisted monsters out there), each of them are various shades of grey (like Aang who is a very light grey because despite being a very kind and nice character, he still isn’t a “perfect hero” since he ran away from his duties, practiced tax fraud with Toph, had insecurities and even threatened to kill people on ocassions like with the sand benders who took Appa) and this is a good choice because that prevents them from becoming what’s globally known as Mary Sues and Gary Stues (aka those either “perfect” characters with no flaws and/or unlimited power, or the twisted monsters full of flaws).

And the other reason why many other people hate The Search: it literally negates previously established cannon. And here comes my short essay on why this comic fails Zuko’s family (since we’ve already talked enough about Zuko himself).

In cannon and even interviews with BryKe, it was clearly stated that Zuko’s family was “once happy”. Where is this “once happy” family in The Search? All I see is pain, deception, lies and betrayal, nothing close to anything that resembles happiness. Okay, some of you might come in and say that “It’s because it was never the case! It was only lies and Zuko trying to convince himself that he didn’t live in hell forever!” and here is WHERE YOU WERE ALL WRONG! And why? Because, my dear fella, where were depicted the flashbacks of Zuko’s “happy family” in The Beach? Ember Island. And what do we know and had been even quoted in the show?  "Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate. Ember Island reveals the true you." (direct quote from the show). Exactly, no matter who you are or how hard you try, you can’t hide your true self when you are on the Ember Island, best example being Azula, who’s impenetrable though shell cracked and revealed the true vulnerable child that was underneath. If Azula couldn’t resist the “spell of the island”, no one can. So this means that Zuko’s family was indeed happy once and yes, Ozai wasn’t always the douchebag we got to know in Season 3 (I have a whole nother essay on my theories regarding what could be his real past story and why he’s actually the “Zuko” of his generation, based on stuff I gathered from old wiki entries and character analyses I made, but that’s for another time, lemme know if ya’ll are interested).

And what I guess is the biggest proof why The Search did this family’s past trash is comics Ursa herself. My dude, if this woman were indeed the victim of years of endless abuse and never loved her husband, I guarantee you that she would’ve been closer to what we saw in Todoroki’s mom from BNHA and Zuko would’ve gotten that scar or even worse long before the Agni Kai, not from his “daddy dearest”, but from “mommy dearest” herself, because no sane woman would be soo affectionate and attached to a child that’s the perfect copy of their abuser, sepecially appearance wise (again see Todoroki’s mom’s case from BNHA because the stories are really similar) and in no way would’ve she been willing to sacrifice her life for said child’s sake. With this ocassion, I remind ya’ll folks that according to the ancient ATLA cannon wikis on Nick’s site, Ozai was designed with Zuko’s appearance in mind, being meant to be like a “grown up scarless version” of Zuko. So yeah, remember this with a grain of salt that whenever you simp over grown up Zuko, you involuntary simp for Ozai too.

So yeah, I guess this kinda concludes my “not so short” rant about why the comics fail and are bad fanfiction. Lemme hear your thoughts in the comments and if you agree, feel free to leave a like and even reblog.

Bye bye and remember that Momo is the true strongest character of the show!

 Saby out.

[carinyms]

(I don’t know if anyone who follows me even watches Loki, but if you do and feel compelled to analyze it with someone please hmu, because no one I personally know cares about this show and listen I care SO MUCH)

Anyway, here’s an extremely disjointed thought dump on episode three, it’s a lot :)

1. I got so much serotonin from them playing that Hayley Kiyoko song over the opening credits, oh my god.

2. I love Sylvie, I LOVE her. Just an iconic badass—so snarky, so powerful. 10/10. (When she took that cape off?? That outfit?? This whole show is just Bi Panic for me) I’m sure they’re setting her up to be very sympathetic and then she will inevitably stab Loki in the back at some point, and you know what that’s fine.

3. Their screen chemistry and banter is incredible, nearly on the same level as the scenes with Mobius and Loki. (Which is good bc speaking of which, I miss Owen Wilson). I can’t wait till we get a scene with all three of them working together, it will be fantastic.

4. God, I want to see Loki truly in full power just annihilate someone in a fight just once. I do think it’s purposeful that we’re not seeing that right now — the writers can’t seriously think the audience collectively forgot that this guy took down 5 (6?) dark elves with his hands bound and now he can’t throw a knife and hit a target that's not even moving?? There has to be a reason. I’m choosing to have faith in Kate Herron here. (But I’m tired of seeing him getting tossed around like a sack of potatoes :( )

5. I think Sylvie explaining how to enchant someone has to be foreshadowing, right? By the end of the series, either Loki will have puzzled out how to do it and tap into Sylvie’s mind, or vise versa, Sylvie will get into Loki’s head an unearth something nasty (This is SO dumb of me to hope for, I’m setting myself up for disappointment, but maybe Thanos memories here?? I’m really going full fanfic narrative with this one lol but wow can you imagine.)

6. Or, Loki will use this tactic to get into Mobius’ head and wake him up to the truth. (Also, can we talk about how concerned he was when he was like, ‘But the TVA workers don’t know they’re variants!!” Loki you little SOFTIE. Headcanon that he’s now not gonna want to hurt any of the TVA workers because they’re all brainwashed and our guy knows a thing or two about that?? BEGGING the show to acknowledge this. (Please, could we have a little bit of recognition of trauma Marvel? As a treat?)

(I will be let down lol)

7. Speaking of the brainwashed TVA workers, I have questions about how this works. Mobius remembers jet skis, but Casey didn’t know what a fish was? Is it just because Casey doesn’t work in the field? Does Mobius just have a stronger mind that Ravonna has to keep continuously wiping because he remembers snippets? That would explain the multiple water rings on her table they drew attention to— but why would the TVA let him have that magazine if they didn’t want their agents remembering anything??

8. Also, uhh…Is Ravonna a timekeeper? This is a theory that keeps popping up for me.

9. Loki and Sylvie’s conversation on the train was wonderful.

10. We LOVE a confirmed Bicon.

11. Him talking about and remembering Frigga, and his viewpoint on love feels like lines out of a fanfic come to life and I love it. Part of me is like “this level of vulnerability feels OOC” (and don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of other things that felt truly OOC) but this particular aspect feels more like we’re seeing a more apathetic, carefree, nihilistic version of Loki than we’ve ever seen, so maybe he’s just given up on the masks? Anyhow, I love this side of his character we’re seeing.

12. Loki singing in Norwegian. That is all.

12.2 Actually no, that’s not all. It had such ‘Aragorn singing at his coronation vibes’, in that it both caught me extremely off-guard and got me very emotional. Apparently the lyrics (someone translated) are all about missing home, and wow he’s really just missing his family and a sense of belonging *so much* that he’s chosen to recreate what I’d imagine an Asgardian party was like — getting drunk (although he clearly wasn’t drunk, just acting drunk), singing asgardian songs, smashing the glass on the ground and saying “Another!” (Which we can now assume was just an asgardian custom at parties bc how would he have known Thor did that?) Someone pointed out the planet that they’re on is called Lamentis, and dang this whole episode is all about Loki grieving and longing for what he’s lost? and I’m so hyped for when they end up in Asgard again. I don’t know what will happen but there will be Angst and tears, perfect recipe for a good time.

13. Speaking of Thor, is he going to tell Sylvie about him at some point? Because I will cry. Like, I guarantee it.

14. My only gripe here is that drunk Loki was giving me big Jack Sparrow energy towards the very end and I am Not About That

15. Why does Sylvie understand Norwegian?? This song meant something to her too, clearly, she was getting teary eyed, like it was something she was familiar with and I just have so many questions about how her timeline was different/similar.

16. And going off that, I’m just going to say it—I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW VARIANTS WORK. Because if a variant is created by someone branching from their ‘true path’, wouldn’t every variant have the same base-story? Thus all look the same, have a similar past? (The same parents, the same origin?) I know the TVA’s sacred-timeline thing is all BS, that much is obvious—and Sylvie’s history is making me wonder (that is, if she truly IS a Loki ‘variant’), is the TVA’s description of branched timelines really accurate at all, or are some variants from a fully alternate reality overlapping with this one? I’m trusting they will make this make more sense.

17. I love the moments of humanity we’re getting from Loki, but especially the one where he’s surveying all those people in the town and goes “they’re gonna let these people die…” Like, what a great comparison to Loki in Ragnarok, who goes back and rescues his people because he couldn’t let them die in good conscious when he could do something about it. I like to think that being raised as a prince, there is an inherent feeling of ‘rulers should look after their people” buried under everything, and that what was going through his head was “how could they abandon these people without thought?” I love that even though that was a different Loki, they’re showing (not just telling) that the core of him truly does care about people, and the person he developed into in the original franchise is still there.

18. Also that line perfectly sets up what I’m sure is going to happen in the next episode—that they’ll find a way to escape the planet and save the people (or some of them), which will create a branch and alert the TVA to where they are, thus Loki getting brought back in.

19. the Rolled Up Sleeves look is. mhmm. It’s Good.

20. LOKI CATCHING THAT WHOLE BUILDING WITH HIS MAGIC???? BYE

Alright I’m done now, this was so chaotic, but also I really just wanted to document my thoughts on the show for myself so it's fine

[sagiow]

My 2020 AO3 Unwrapped

Thanks for the tag, @tortoisesshells!! Let’s do a little damage report. All fics, unsurprisingly, for Mercy Street.

First funny thing: I did not remember at all that I had an 11 month writing hiatus from late March 2019 to late Feb 2020. And guess what brought me out of it? No, not COVID. No, not even the Mercy Street Renaissance that came along with it. Nope, it was this seemingly innocuous ask by @tortoisesshells that launched a borderline crackship nobody asked for :)

Total Word Count 2020: AO3 totals 107K, but that’s complete BS.

From solo works (10 fics) : 21,388 words, which totally jives with by batting average of 2K per fic (and, incidentally, also the distance I typically run before my brain starts playing “This is crap. Running sucks. Why am I even doing this? Why 3K more? This is crap.” on repeat.) 

From team works (2 fics): This is where it gets complicated. Let’s say about half of We Run a Very Tight Ship (so ~16K out of 32,232 word), and... oooooh boy.... hard to tell with A Mansion House Murder (54,107 words), as many chapters were co-written and/or cut & paste-scrapbook style with @broadwaybaggins‘s work... so let’s go for about 15K?

Grand total: ~52K (with a ± 10% margin of error). No way close to what all you fine folks did, but still 4x my 2019 outpout of a meazly 12.5K, and my best year since joining in 2017 by a good 20K. So yay!

Top 5 By Word Count:

A Mansion House Murder (15K / 54K - and that’s not even counting all the related fics/ background stories / cut scenes that got posted individually. We really ought to make a Director’s Cut of the whole thing!) 

We Run a Very Tight Ship (16K / 32K and counting. The ship sails again!)

Dangerously Close to One Another (3248 words)

Adoro Te Devote (3152 words, but one chapter is doubled - one in original French, the other translated in English. So... not sure about this one.)

Until the Sun Comes Up over Santa Monica Boulevard (2961 words)

Hospital Blues & Silver Belles (2679 words) - If #4 is disqualified and we need at least one from another fandom... or at least crossing over to one :)

Top 5 By Kudos (which is too bad as Mercy Street Fandom is totally Kickass Comments Central)

A Mansion House Murder

We Run a Very Tight Ship 

TIE - Until the Sun Comes Up over Santa Monica Boulevard

TIE - Pony Up

Footsteps on the floorboards (really?!)

Top Fic Overall:

Well, depends based on what.

Time spent: It has to be A Mansion House Murder. I joined this team effort with @mercurygray, @jomiddlemarch, @tortoisesshells , @broadwaybaggins and @fericita-s and was happy to go with the flow wherever it may lead. As we had not agreed to a set endpoint from the get go, it was such fun to read what each super talented writer added and see what could be a potential clue, and discuss the chapters in a dazzling cascade of essay-worthy comments. @broadwaybaggins, @fericita-s and I tackled the final 2-3 chapters (which eventually turned to 12-13 because they ended up being much longer than anticipated and would’ve thrown off the full story’s rhythm) and it was a whole different type of challenge to see how to tie everything together and try and provide a satisfying ending. It may not be perfect, but I’m still really proud of the work we did, Dream Team!

Most fun: I’m gonna go with Cruise Ship because co-writing with @jomiddlemarch in a modern, boozed up AU with my everyday sailor-level language is always a fucking blast. I also had tons of fun in @broadwaybaggins‘s Summer Camp AU sandbox with Pony Up and getting these crazy kids drunk enough on vodka & Sunny D for some Never Have I Ever and Magic Miking by the campfire.

Personnal: I’m gonna shout out An Excess of Black Bile because it did not make any of the lists and was written from a darker personnal perspective, resulting in something quite different to my typical writing style. 

Adoro Te Devote was incredibly self-indulgent as it allowed me to create my first OC, write in French AND have some sexy Phoster banter; last week, I came up too late with ideas for a Christmas sequel, so.. maybe next year. 

And of course, I can’t not mention all the time and effort spent with Haliza, which I’m well aware is not everyone’s cup of tea (or, in this particular ship’s case, wine, sherry, whisky, brandy, port...) but to those of you who did find it enjoyable and encouraged me to continue down that very unexpected road, many thanks and cheers!

Double- tagging mutuals who haven’t answered yet @broadwaybaggins, @jomiddlemarch, @the-spaztic-fantastic

[shesawriter39049]

|THE PLUG| P.2|M|JIMIN|

**JIMIN GETTING A LATE NIGHT TEXT FROM ANOTHER “CUSTOMER” SEEMS TO STIR UP SOME FEELINGS YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU HAD ****

Smut/ LIGHT Angst/ A lil fluff

Jimin and the OC are both whipped at this point...

The OC get’s jealous and a tad bit bratty so Jimin has to put her in her place

Pierced and tatted Jimin

5K

Jimin is a soft dom and a whole daddy, I said what I said....

WARNINGS: Language, dirty talk ,Soft dom Jimin, light cum play, light choking, overstimulation, oral (F receiving) creme pie/unprotected sex,hair puling, Jimin likes to be marked, the OC has a slight pain kink, light daddy kink(it’s not said physically during sex moreso jokingly but it’s used within the series)

Jimin 💨💨😏12:07PM : I’ll be back in town tonight, be ready by 10...pack a bag because I don’t plan on returning you until Monday night…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a little over a week since you’d seen him, the night the two of you ended up going out to dinner Jimin informed you he’d be heading out of town to handle some “Business” . Though he obviously didint go into much deatail you weren’t stupid, I mean the reason you met him in the first place is because he’s your local plug. Well aware that he grows his own supply, so 9 times outta 10 if he was going out of town it was for some sort of drug transaction. Now what you weren’t too sure about is if Jimin handled things stronger than just some ganja...but at the end of the day the less you knew the better!

Honestly, you weren’t expecting much to come from “That night” but you’d be lying if you said it wasn't one of the best dates you’d been on in years.Everything from the conversation, his choice in restaurant ambiance, and of course the sex, fuck...the sex. The kind that could have you on the brink of coming just from the thought of it alone….yeah..that kinda sex!

Ya know what's funny ? While on your date, you finally realized you really don’t know much about Jimin Park, outside of the obvious. So why did your heart damn near fall out of your ass when he told you he had to leave for “business” ? Why are you so anxious to see a man that you barely even know outside of the bedroom?

Believe it or not, this past week is actually the closest you’ve ever felt to him on a personal level outside of sex. While he was away handling whatever, the two of you spoke frequently, typically via text but it’s just the principle. Previously, the only time you’d text is when you were reaching out for a late night “special delivery”. You’d never dream of texting him just because you were bored or stressed..or to share the bomb ass combination of snacks you put together while stoned. Yet as of late you didin’t question yourself if you went to pick up your phone just to forward some stupid Twitter meme.

You were finally starting to learn little things about him, nothing major but still, the two of you did all this backwards so now it’s like your finally transitioning into the friend category. Which excited you as much as it terrifed you...because at the end of the day, behind all the smoke and mirriors, the sex, the pretty face, the nice car...

Jimin.IS.A.DRUG.DEALER. Plain and simple, everything about his life won’t be as pretty as his face!

I mean fuck, what if Jimin went out of town to kill someone for fucking up one of his trancations!? Yes, I know that was a little dramatic, but to be fair..you really don’t “know” him that well sooo…..anythings possible!

Yet, no matter how many thoughts and scenarios you had buzzing through your head that still didn't stop you from packing that overnight bag!

It was going on 10 at night the Friday of Labor Day weekend, and THANK GOD for a four day weekend...Jimin had literally just driven back in town and the first thing he did was pick you up. Secretly feeling like a giddy school girl on the inside once you read his text, it was straight to the point no BS...just flat out “I wanna spend the weekend with you”

The usual cat and mouse game the two of you played were you acted as though the visit was supposed to be solely “Business” related was clearly long gone. Jimin didn't care how much weed you wanted or if you even wanted any to begin with, he just wanted you...in his bed coming on his dick until you were light headed. Plain and simple…

You heard the purr of his blacked out challenger creep up your driveway, as you may or may not have been impatiently waiting for him in the foyer. Freshly showered, overnight bag packed, sexy barely there lingerie, hidden under an oversized tee that you actually stole from him the last time you were over! Forcing yourself to play it cool you waiting for his normal “Here” text before bolting to the door, but to your surprise the minute the door flung open there he was. Resting against the frame of your screen door, skin extremely tanned from whatever state he just came back from. Especially in contrast to his crisp white V-neck, and freshly tousled blonde locks, lips looking even poutier than usual.

“Hey…” fluttered from your chest as you smiled up at him, fuck he was so.Damn.Fine. Brow arched in disapproval at your owe too formal greeting.

“Really!? Is that how you think I wanna be greeted, after not seeing you for a damn week?” There was something extremely sexy about the fact that Jimin did not appear to play games. Very straight forward about what he wanted...and right now that was you….

Head cocked to the side slightly, tongue playing at this bottom lip, eyes unraveling you from head to toe, his ring coated fingers signaled for you to come closer “ Come to daddy…”

Not even trying to hide the exaggerated sigh that left your chest as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. The minute you stepped past the screen he scooped you up, hands taking purchases under your thighs. Knocking you back against the door with one deep roll of his hips, effortlessly snatching a moan from your throat while your head jerked against the glass.Blunt nails clawing at your ass while his tongue licked its way through the seam of your lips with a slight moan.Letting the metal bar from his piercing tease at your bottom lip in the process, fuck you couldnt wait to feel him between your thighs again! “Hii..” Slipped off his tongue, as he rolled his hips even deeper this time smirking against your lips in the process.

Hands roaming up his back purposely digging your nails through the thin fabric of his shirt before letting them get tangled in his hair. Taking a possessive hold on the strands at the nape of his neck, yanking his head back leaving his neck on full display. Breaking away from the kiss to suck on the owe so prominent vein probing through his skin. When it came to you Jimin's neck was his sweet spot, this man loved when you marked him! Claiming such a vulnerable yet “open” place as your own!

One hand coming up to caress the back of your neck holding you in place, as you sucked,licked and nipped at his skin. “Babyyyy” moaned past his lips as he stroked the side of your neck.

“Miss me?” the question was rhetorical, you could feel that he misses you even if it was purely sexual you were just curious if he’d admit it or

“I just drove 7 hours, and picking you up was my first stop...what the fuck do you think?” Another shameless moan rolled off his tongue , as your hands fell from his hair , kissing your way up his jaw, reclining it even more to give you better access.

A humm leaving your lips at that, though you were more flustered at his admission than anything “Good, because I’m over touching myself to that video we made a month ago....I need you to fuck me” Flicking at the hinge with your tongue smirking against his skin once the needies moan imaginable fell from his lips. While his hand crept into your hair, mimicking the hold you held on his, the new position forced you to stare into those big puppy dog eyes of his. Which were screaming how bad he needed you almost more than his cock was as it sat pressed throbbing against your thigh.

Tugging your bottom lip between his teeth, soothing the sting sligthly with his tongue, “Then we should probaly get outta here, before I bend you over, and fuck you on your damn porch!”

“Ohhh, is that a threat or a promise?” Brow quirked...testing your luck

“Baby, remember who your talking to then try that again, so you decide if you want little Susie next door to see you get fucked or not. Because the cops flicking me for indecenent exposure is the last thing on my mind….I’ll fuck you wherever you want me too..”

No, the sharp inhale that flooded your chest didn't go unnoticed, the smirk on Jimin’s face said it all “That’s what I thought….”

~~~~~

You found yourself stoned, laying in a sea of pillows on Jimin’s king sized bed,flicking through Netflix while he was in the shower. The sound of his phone ringing knocked you out of your current haze, not even aware he left it charging on the nightstand. Somehow you magically ended up all the way on the other side of the bed... Which is ironically where his nightstand was..hhmm Imagine that!

The number itself wasn’t saved but it was a local area code, you weren’t his girlfriend so it damn sure isn't your place to check and or answer his phone. More importantly, selling weed IS Jimin’s job. So you shouldn’t be surprised he’s getting random calls, hell you used to be one of those calls.

But thennnnn the person sent a text..and I mean you shouldn't look butttt……

(586) 445-8474: 11:12PM : Jiminieeeeeeeeeeeeee😍😍😍

You couldn't even help the snarl that naturally left your lips at that, everything from the nickname to the 83673 Emojis let you know this was a girl. But again your not official, not even close...so you can’t be mad….

Not even a minute later

(586) 445-8474: 11:12PM : It’s been too long, your favorite client is feeling neglected🥺 ...I think I deserve a special delivery…

“Of fucking course you do….” Eyes rolling to the back of your head more times than you could count, the dialogue just felt a little too familiar for you liking. But again, your not offical, and Jimin’s fine as fuck, you’d be stupid to think other "customers” didn;t have the same agenda as you. But still, THERE. NOT . YOU!

“Oh my fuck really!!?” Yes, you were legit yelling at the phone but I mean in all fairness..she was getting annoying she’s literally blowing Jimin’s phone up right now like dude CHILL! This is your third text in less than 5 minutes! Go play with your vibrator or something clearly he’s busy!

(586) 445-8474: 11:14: You already know what I want...just the usual with a little bonus on the side…..😏😏😏👅👅

I swear you almost threw up in your mouth at that, the sound of the shower shutting off had you flying over to the other side of the bed. Yet you couldn't wash the attitude off your face, not a damn chance....arms crossed eyes glued to all of nothing that danced along his flat screen.

Sauntering out, hair wet, slicked out of his face, his toned and tanned abdomen glistening...towel sitting dangerously low, v lines on full display. Standing there in all his glory, yet  believe it or not you were too damn annoyed to even be turned on right now!

“Your phones been having a seizure by the way…” Words leaving your lips dry as all hell earning an airy chuckle to fall from his lips. Still completely clueless to your current attitude...

“Oh yeah? Ya know, I’ve been saying I need a secretary..seems like your already on top of it...you down for hire?I’d pay you in more ways than one...” Slowly running his tongue along his teeth as he strolled in your direction, muscles flexing as he walked.

“Nah I’m good…” nothing subtle about the bite in our voice, eyes blatantly avoiding him and he already had an idea why. A slight smirk tugging on his lips as he walked over to his phone. Taking a quick look at all 8262 of his missed texts from his mystery customer before making his way over to you.

“Did you even notice I don’t even have her number saved?” To your surprise there wasn't a lick of attitude laced within his tone

Shrugging before he could even complete the sentence, an amused chuckle fluttered through the air, well, I’m glad he found this funny.

Bracing himself on his hands and knees as he crawled over to you, a knot forming in your stomach in anticipation! It was a lot easier to be angry when he was standing afar you didn’t need to see all things that were Jimin Park in close proximity! Fuck, you really didn't wanna cave..even though you really had NO right to be mad, but that's besides the point. Your in too deep at this point ya just gotta commit!

“Stop” spine going rigid at the almost primal glint  that hit his eyes as a narrowed in your direction.

“You know I don’t don’t have time to play games, I told you...daddy had some business to handle...I haven’t had time for anything...or anyone else….” Reaching over grabbing both of your ankles, yanking you down the bed in one swift notion. Breath hiccuping in your chest, at how quickly he moved you, often forgetting how strong this man really was. Positioning you right under him, caging you in. The strong scent of vanilla hitting your nose as you tried your damnedest to keep your best poker face on!  Yet all you wanted to do is lean up and taste those sinfully thick lips of his. He knew it too, the way your eyes immediately dropped down...so he hoovered..nice and low as he talked, purposely teasing you until you had to damn near mentally restrain yourself from chasing after him.

“‘I just got back in town and your the one in my bed so fix your fuckin face….”  There wasn’t any inflation in tone, nor did the tenor change within that tranquil lull he called a voice! Yet you felt you chest get tight..fuck everything got tight. Still baffled by how much authority just slipped past his lips in the calmest tone imaginable.

Turning your head to rest your cheek on the side of the bed, trying to avoid eye contact, clearly he didn't like that. “I never realized how much of a brat you could be ...your usually such a good girl for me is this what happens when I leave you untouched?!” Gripping a chunk of your hair right at the scalp . Tilting your head until your neck was arched off the bed , a hiss leaving your lips from the current sting that was fluttering from your scalp down to your core.

Eyes narrowing in his direction, jaw tight “ I. Don’t. Care. You don't owe me anything so-”

Cutting you off with a snarl, tugging your hair even tighter until he pulled a restrained moan from your throat “ Oh don’t give me that bullshit, you do care, and I no I don't owe you anything...but I’m choosing to let you know…”

Shifting slightly so one of his knees sat between your thighs, pressed firm against your heat, towel falling back on the bed in the process”So how long are you gonna try and sit in my face…” Dropping his posture so he was braced on one elbow...exchange the grip he held on your scalp for your waist. Digging his thumb into your hip “..And act like me telling you, your the only person I’ve been wrapped around...isint why your pussys fuckin soaked..” Pulling your panties to the side just enough to tease you. Slowly rocking your hips against his thigh. Body arching naturally needing to feel more no matter how much you wanted to fight it, and he gave you what you wanted. Lifting your hips, guiding you in a deep wave like motion, applying steady pressure to your clit until it was almost sticking to his thigh...even through your panties ...”Such a greedy little thing aren't you? your gonan fuck around and come all over my thigh if you keep it up, your clits already getting hard baby I can feel it…”

“Oh fuck meeee..” Hissed past your lips in slight defeat as your body betrayed you once again eyes fluttering to the back of your head as you clawed at his sheets

“ Oh I will, especially because..if were being honest... “ Reaching over with his opposite, grabbing a fist full of your shirt, yanking you upright while he rested his weight on his knees. Having your lips flush against his thigh, head lulling on your shoulder as they spread every so slightly, giving you direct  stimulation. Waving his tongue into your mouth, the kiss was hard, deep, so much so that he almost knocked the went out of you. “The idea of me... being the only one to fill you up get’s me sooo fuckin hard..”

Faint kisses fluttered against your lips as he took your hand in his, letting you take a little detour up his chiseled adbodomed, along his chest..edging your way down to his pelvis. Gently digging your nails into his V-Lines...eyes glued to the way his muscles tensed as you ravished over them with the pads of your fingers. Your fingers were tingling you were getting so impatient ...finally guiding you down to stroke his length guiding your movements. Almost as if he was teasing himself, not fully applying steady pressure. Or maybe he was waiting for you to take the lead. Work him in your hand like it was yours ….

The feeling of him hot and ready, throbbing against your palm had you stroking him on your own accord loving the site above you your own little private show. Watching his plush lips part as he slowly started to unravel eyes sitting low.For the first time since you've known him you were the cause of the sudden haze that washed over his body ...a low throaty moan leaving his chest.

“I can’t believe your over here trippin over some bitch on my phone when ....you got me right here hard as fuck ready to do whatever you want me to” Thoes words fell from his lips in nothing but a honey coated moan…”Mmm..you feel that? it's all for you if you want it…”

Aburputy knocking you back on the bed...body bouncing slightly against the mattress “You want it...your pussys telling me how bad you want it, these sexy little panties are soaked baby…” Eyes falling to admire the wet patch forming against your panties, a moan slipping from his lips as he pressed two fingers firm against your clothed slit making your body jerk.”All I thought about my entire ride home was making you come-”

The sound of another incoming text rang through the air completely snatching you out of the mood .

“You should probably get to that , wouldn't want you to miss out on an important customer. “ Rolling your eyes as tried to get up..you thought! One roll of Jimin’s hips knocked you right back on your ass.

“Do you really think I give a fuck about what’s going on, on my phone right now? Your not stupid you know what she wants from me….that’s why your so pissy-”

“I told you I-” 

“Fucking stop-” Cutting you off before you could continue your normal sechduled bullshit! 

“You know why she hit me up….”  Reaching for your shirt  again, pulling  you up to straddle his thighs “..And you care...”  Resting his forehead agaisnt yours…”lie to me again...I fuckin dare you...” There was a good 5 second pause that felt like it lasted a hour your heart was pounding so fast, while Jimin’s eyes pryed into yours “I’m not a child Y/N, I don’t play mind games! What I want, and who I want is right here-”…

“Prove it…”  Fell from your lips before you could even think about it, fuck it was so cliche but you meant it! 

There was a blatant shift once you said that, instantly, his face softened but his eyes got dark “I don't need to prove shit Y/N...you already know and that’s why your upset” Lips ghosting over yours as he spoke, fuck why were you already panting he hasn’t even done anything yet! “Actually... you could feel it,feel that shits shifting between us, and that’s the ONLY reason. You even give a fuck that some chicks on my phone” 

You throat got dry as all hell, deffiently not expecting for him to call you out like that “What you felt wasn’t in your head, it was real,and you’ll feel it again, and again. Until it sticks in that thick ass head of yours that we both have options, but clearly-” Brow quirked arrogantly, almost as if to say “You see where we are..,you already know whats up!”

Shifting forward to lay you back on the bed, grounding his hips into yours to hold you in place . pressing his lips against yours refusing to make the first move, now it was all on you, "Stop being stubborn and tell me that you want me, tell me that you want this..." Voice dropping to a sinful tenor, just as as dominant as it was needy!

"I want it" You didint even need to think about it because he was right..that's the only reason you got upset...you want whatever “This” is .

Slowly sliding his tongue past the seam of your lips at the admission...hands soothing up your thighs pulling back, yanking your shirt over his head "You look good in my shirt by the way..." the contrast of his rings against your skin was inviting since every inch of your body felt like it was set ablaze once he started placing open mouthed kisses down your stomach. Blowing over every spot he licked, eyes zoning in on the way your muscles contracted everytime. “Fuck, I can smell you from here…” Jimin’s mouth was literally watering as your arousal graced his nose.

Soft moans fell from your lips as he spread your legs even wider, pressing your ass firm into his mattress.  Hands kneading at your inner thighs, while you laid there fully exposed giving him free-reign to your body. Yet you didn't feel uncomftable, or embarrassed, in fact it was the exact opposite...suddenly feeling this need within you to let him have you any way he wanted.

“Do you always get this wet or is it just for me?” Teeth sinking into the side of your hip, making you buck into his mouth! Running away from the sting while begging for more all at the same time.

“You, fuck it’s you, please don’t do this, no teasing I’ve been needing you all day…” The admission was honest you woke up aching for him. Once he got to your hip bone you gripped the sheets on command anticipation for him to drag this out and tease you but boy where you damn wrong!

Reclining his jaw, placing his mouth over your lips, swallowing your clit in the process, “Jiminnn” Hands flying to his head, almost trying to pull him off , not expecting it to feel that intense...prepared for him to take it slow, edge you a little for being a brat. But it was clear Jimin wasn't in the mood to play games whatsoever tonight.

“Na-uh...I’m not stopping until your feel it...all of it…” Gliding his tongue along your folds, reaching up to free the hold you held on his hair, intertwining his fingers with yours instead. Back arching slightly as you squeezed down on his fingers, this man was treating your clit as if it was your tounge. There's no other way to describe the intense pressure he was applying to every inch of your heat. Licking,sucking,swirling his tongue around you like it was his life's goal to rip you apart nerve, by nerve  as quickly as possible. You could physically hear the sound of his lips sucking against your juices how wet, and messy you were. “Such a greedy pussy baby…” Smirking against your folds as he watched the way your entrance clenched and released around nothing, sliding his tounge over your slit again this time a little slower. Teasing your entrance, waving it in and out, almost grazing the top of your walls in the process.

By now Jimin knew exactly what do you to get you off within minutes if need be, lapping his tongue around all of the juices falling from every crevice. Eyes wired shut, as your body jerked and tensed at every deadly roll of the tongue, the added sensation from his piercing had you damn near crawling up the bed. You could feel Jimin moaning out a taste of you, every sound vibrated through your body as he captured your clit between his lips, sucking on it mercilessly grazing it gently with his teeth. “Jiminnnn fuckkk..” Back arching off the end as you squeezed down on his fingers even fighter, you were sure his fingers were going numb!  He wasn’t holding back on you tonight kneading out in pleasure burying your face into the sheets, biting down as hard as you could.

A breathy whine of his name feel from your lips as he already knew that meant you were coming, your clit started to tense beneath his tongue. Gently freeing your hand from his, brining it down to meet his tongue. Sliding 3 fingers in knuckle deep in one notion, which pushed you completely over the edge, a brittle cry left your throat. Body naturally jerking away from him as you came, trying to turn on your side, clamping your thighs around his head. Only making him moan even harder as your juices slide down his chin. The vibrations pushing you even further over the edge, working you through your orgasmn he relsed your clit, but still kept slowly pumping his fingers in and out. Soft praises fell from his lips as he watched you fall apart beanthe him.

“God your so fuckin sexy baby, you did sooo good..you taste fuckin amazing…” Voice sitting a little husky, already sounding fucked out. The only noise in the background was the low hum of the tv and the sound of your juices being being roamed around your pussy. Using your own arousal to get himself nice and wet, soft moans fell from his lips as he worked himself in his hand.

The sound alone had you eyes prying open as you reached up, tugging on his chain gently so he’d lean forward.”Come’re..”Sliding your tongue into his mouth, moaning out as you tasted yourself letting your fingers get lost in his slightly damp locks.”Why is your cock in your hand instead of my pussy?” Brow arched arrogently “Fuck, meeee” Biting down on his bottom lip, your request is more of a command, using the brattestt tenor ever but he didint fight you on this. Throbbing too damn hard for you to draw this out, a low growl hissed from his lips as he angled himself at your entrance, pushing into you making you ground your hips into the mattress the pressure was so intense. “Oh my god…” but you damn sure weren't running away, you needed him.

Tilting your head back, jaw slightly ajar, as the blunt head of his dick started morphing his way into your heat as both of you moaning out at the stretch, eyes flutter to the back of your head, bracing your weight on your elbows, while his lips connected to your ear “You feel it yet ?” panted from his lips you could feel him smirking against your skin. Whimpering out in response, slamming your lips back into his as he bottomed out completely damn near knocking the wind out of you in the process.

A low whine leaving your chest, while Jimin braced his hands on your knees spreading them to their breaking point as he started pounding into you.  Jimin was never one to fuck on jack rabbit speed, but he could still get rough and thats the modd he was in tonight, his thrust were slow and deep, but HARD. Pelvis bone grazed your clit at every thrust ‘Fuck I missed this, you feel so good around me baby, so fuckin tight” snarled from his lips

Teeth digging into his bottom lip as he fucked into you, the moans that fell from your throat only edged him on, you swore he was still throbbing even while being balls deep inside you. “How are you still so tight!? you just won't...ease up tonight fuckkkkk…” You were holding onto him for dear life, even as he slid out your pussy would catch him! Clamping down around the tip, walls never fully relaxing, almost as if he had to break his way through with every thrust.

“I told you I needed you, you fucked me soo good the last time baby...it’s all I could think about….” Arching your hips slightly meeting his thrust, challanging them actually,  egging him on to fuck you even harder “Yes-yes-fuckkk-I missed you….” Not sure where that came from but you didn't regret it and you weren't taking it back.

The confession ripped a moan from his throat, as he brought one had up to stroke your jaw, thumb flicking your bottom lip which you welcomed with your tongue. Sucking it into your mouth  with a moan as you rolled your hips even deeper, eyes glued to his.  “ Mmm, I missed you too, fuckk..” Head snapping back at how tight you just got upon him saying that, jaw tight, nostrils flared, completely consumed in everything that is you! “ Goddamn, I’m not gonna last, you gotta let up a little baby fuckk…”  Leaning over to spit directly on your clit.

“I can’t- I can’t -you, you feel too good..” Your words were so broken you were so close, exchanging the hold he had on your hip for neck. Applying just the right amount of pressure, while his other hand came down to work your clit, his skilled fingers circling the overly sensitive bud until your body felt like it was toppling over itself. Crying out his name in boken whispers, as you came with such force Jimin almost felt as if you were pushing in out from how hard you were pulsing around him.

“Fuck..” Growled from his chest, as his hips started to falter “So fuckin wet…babbyyyy…” sounding almost as if he was pleading for you to stop even though to be fair you weren't doing anything. Grinding into your slowly as you whined into the pillow. Bringing his fingers up from your clit letting you taste yourself,using it almost as a distraction.Lapping your tongue over the diggest with a slight moan. You started trying to fuck him back only earning a smack to the clit “No fuck, dont- I’ll come right now and I don’t- fuck- I dont wanan come yet…” Leaning forward to lick his way back into your mouth, deep and slopply, teeth clicking together slightly “It’s so fuckin messy god I love it...love fuckin your pussy baby…” Moaned past him lips as he started picking up his pace again.

“Mmm, I can feel it dripping out...I meant  I said earily...I can’t even get myself this wet...you fuck me soo good Jimin...so good” Letting your figners get tangled in his hair.

“Jesus..” He was winded, and ready to come then and there, but needed to pull one more from you, whether you knew it or not. Taking a moment to pull himself together,before slamming right back into you. The sound of his headboard banging against the wall muffled the sound of you completely falling apart. Once he found your spot again he rammed it mercilessly “Come again, come with me baby please..” Whined form his lips his voice breaking ever so slightly. This time you brought your own hand down to work your clit, Knowing exactly what to do you push you right back to the edge. “Yes, yes, fuck good girl, such a good girl  for me…” He could feel you getting tighter and tighter.

“Comeee, fill me up again baby….let me feel it, all of it!”Knowing you choice of words would push him over the edge,his thrust became uneven and you knew he was done. Your name fell from his lips repeatedly as his warmth spilled through you. Which is actually what triggered your third release, as it came crashing on top of you ripping a silent cry from your throat as your body spazzed around him. Pulling out slowly, only to play in his cum that was leaking out, swirling it around his fingers. Body jerking at every touch, shoving it all back in, followed by his length which had you back coming to a complete arch, nails digging into the sheets. Jimin feathered kisses all over your face, praising you repeatedly trying to get your body to stop shaking.He didn't wanna lose your warmth yet, he needed to feel you, soft moans fell from his lips as he tried to soothe you. His body still just as sensitive, and it didn't help that you were still pulsing around him.

Hands roaming up your thighs, his tongue stroking yours leisurely. Slowly grinding his hips into yours actually somewhat edging you ... giving just enough to have you on the brink of begging for him to give it all to you even though you really couldn’t handle it! Pulling your lips away from his tenantivily “I can’t feel my legs, your legit carrying me the rest of the weekend….” Straight up pouting and 100% serious though Jimin only laughed, an exhausted airy chuckle filled the room.

“Your fault, your challenged me baby girl...I guess you know better than to doubt me huh?” Flicking your bottom lip with ths tounge, the peice of metal teaseing your skin.

“I mean..I dont know, if you’ll fuck me like that everytime I do then maybeeeee-” The sound of his phone ringing finally his body from y yours with a loud sigh

“I gotta get that...All “after hour specials” aside..this..” Flicking his head in the direction of his phone “This is my job, this is my life, my phone rings at all hours of the night and realistically...if they want at least a quarter even if it’s after midnight theres a good chance I’ll make the drop….”

A long sigh left your chest because you knew what he was getting at, as I stated earlier Jimin didn't play games. This was his way of letting you know if you wanted to keep doing whatever “This” is...you’d have to get used to his lifestyle….

Nodding slowing...kissing up his face, until your lips found his again, there was no ulterior motive...you just wanted to taste him. “I have a couple contracts with dispensaries...and cbd shops which is good..because that’s steady reliable money...but I’m a hustler at heart. I take care of myself, have since I was 16, everything I do isn't as clean and pretty as my face…”  his choice of words were playful but there was nothing innocent about what he was implying!

Leaning down to kiss your forehead, a timid smile tugging on his cheeks, you could tell how vulnerable he felt right now. Brining your hands up to soothe his back as he talked.Not sharing too much because in the same notion, outside of the fact that you’ve been buying weed from him for damn near 6 months, on a personal level he dosen’t know much about you either. But considering the way things have escalated recnetly he knows he owes you atleast a vauge warning...

“I’m not gonna lie to you, all of my clients aren’t like Brandi...that’s her name by the way she’s a nurse...or the one who just text I’m sure it’s Tim..he’s an IT guy. They usually come to me once every other month and I put together a Little special. which is equivalent to 2 1/2 eighths! “

Eyes damn near bugging out of your head that,which made  it made him chuckle lightening the mood a little!  Eighters aren’t cheap they could be well over $150 depending on the type so between the two of them Jimin could easily make almost $1000 in one night!

“And yes, since I’m sure it’s been buzzing through your mind some of my clients are just a cliche and shady as you’ve probably imagained…..”

The sharp inhale that left your chest didn't go unnoticed, “ I’m not a rookie baby relax, I’m not reckless, but I’m also not innocent. There maybe nights, or even days were I go MIA and I won’t tell you where I am...the less you know the better.”

The idea of that alone kinda made your heart sink, nights were you'd have to feel him creak out of bed and not know where he was going and more importantly if he’d even make it back. “My lifestyle isn't for everyone, but my bills stay paid and it keeps my savings account up for a rainy day. I don’t have family to lean on...all I got is me...Soo I gotta do what I gotta do….” You heard his voice flutter in his chest at the mention of family, or lack there of!

Reaching up to cup his face in your hands, locking your eyes with his “Why are you telling me all this Jimin….” You needed him to say it..spell it out…

The smile that moved up his face as he licked his lips had your chest tight. The blatant fondness that dance through his eyes as he gazed back at you!

“Because I can’t stop thinking about you, and I don’t want too... I like the idea of you keeping my bed warm for me at night...but I don't want to paint a false picture of who I am. At the end of the day I’m not some corporate hothead in a suit, though I own a few and look damn good in it… too…”

Always so modest eyes rolling to the back of your head, an exhausted giggle left your chest “I like who I’m getting to know, and I know your not some super clean cut guy. And I’m not gonna lie it’s actually kinda sexy…..” You couldn't even hide the smile that creeped up your face if you wanted to as you felt his dick twitch, at the sudden praise.  Almost forgetting he was still buried between your thighs. Making it damn hard to focus on much else  now….

“I-I don't really know how this whole thing works, but I don’t mind trying..and just taking whatever this “thing” is..day by day with you….I’ve known who you were since, the first night I let you in...I’m not expecting you to be anything other than the guy I met outside of Jhonnys” Thumbing at his bottom lip, feeling somewhat anxious after you spit all that out...

The purest smile stretched across his face until you were almost questioning where his eyes went! Sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, nodding slowly , you could physically feel the tension leaving his body .

“You can come with me if you want...I won’t say that often, actually probaly ever..but Tim and Brandi are harmeless..and they live in the fuckin burbs!  Also, it would let Brandi know that I gotta take my late night specials off the menu…”

You couldn’t help but snort out a laugh at that nudging his chest playfully “If I go there's 3 stipulations.”

Brow arching in curiosity ‘Hmmm?”

“1st, you need to roll me a joint, because my muscles are aching thanks to somebody!! “ A smug smirk tugged on his lips at that

“Two….you gotta buy me whatever I want from 7/11 because you live in Africa and I need snacks for the road” A cackle ruperted from his chest, Jimin had one of the purest laughs you’d every heard. What makes it even better is he laughs with his entire body, almost falling off the bed in the process.

“And last ...were gonna play 21 questions….on our ride down there...I’m not here to find out your secret sauce for your fire hybrids..I just ...wanna get to know you...not “Jimin The Plug”...just..my Jimin…” Feeling somewhat shy once you said that, especially because you already claimed him without even realizing it! But the smile that moved up his face as he strolled closer killed any doubts…

“Your Jimin” Hmmm..I like that, and it’s a deal...to all three...and thennnn…” Crawling his way over to you, letting his body hoover over yours “When we get back...we can crawl back into bed and I’ll  fuck you right to sleep…”

THATS ALL SHE WROTE!!! FOR NOW...I ACTUALLY ALREADY HAVE AN IDEA FOR PART 3 ( IT GETS A LITTLE ANGSTY) SO IF THIS GETS ENOUGH LOVE ILL ADD IT TO MY LIST. IF YOU LIKED IT “LIKE IT” COME DROP BY THE ASKS AND LEMME KNOW…

SIDE NOTE: Leave a comment if you want me to do a little excerpt of  their 21 questions car ride...for the MOST part the questions will be legit. Not “what's a kink I don't know about” it will be them actually getting to know each other BUT it’s Jimin so it will get a little cheeky of course!!

UPDATE AS OF 9/8- I AM DOING A 21Q’S CHAPTER...SOOO SEND ME QUESTIONS YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT THE OC AND JIMIN!! 

LOVE YOU GUYS AS ALWAYS,

ROCKI

[liamoftheirish]

Task 24 - OOC About Your Character

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

To see him and his story develop, especially with relationships. 

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Strong, fierce, caring.

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Liam was my first muse in this game, and I always wanted to play someone that went against typical fantasies of wealth and power, instead someone simple-life oriented, quiet, reserved, cold who could develop into something more if unlocked.

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Nothing really, everything is carefully crafted to put Liam in the mindset he needs to be in; I already re-wrote his history when I left the game and came back, to flesh him out better. 

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

Don’t be afraid to open up and love again.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

He’s not very sentimental or materialistic, but if possible, maybe one more day with his wife that would let him get closure. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

His unwavering conviction: He has his beliefs, he has his loyalties, and those don’t stray, and it’s an admirable trait to have a strong conviction that you don’t let falter. 

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?  

His confidence in himself and his beliefs, to not care so much what others think.

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

I would love Liam to be happy, I thought there was a chance at first, but that fell off; since then, it seems the options are there, but it’s on him to be more open to allow for it. Clearly the man has lived a violent, angry, and lonely life, one that he created himself because of his nature. He hasn’t allowed himself to love since his wife passed (by his hands in a blood rage), and he hasn’t allowed himself to love again. There’s been a few that have nearly unlocked that, but it’s not until he allows himself to admit it and forgive himself, that he’ll ever be truly happy.

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

I do, even if he doesn’t seem ‘angsty’, fact is stuff bothers him inwardly and he worries. He just doesn’t like to show weakness or too many sides to himself. He has been more open, and recently been questioning some of his actions. Hurting him the most would be him harming someone he cares deeply about.

11. What do you love about your muse?

His confidence, and again, his unwavering conviction. His simple-life mindset is also something I greatly appreciate.

12. What do you hate about your muse?

His coldness and closed off mindset.

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that pop-culture references just go flying over his head, because he just does not care a thing about film or TV.

14. What about your muse makes you sad?

The fact that he feels so lonely despite his friends. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

He’ll be cold, distant, a bit stand offish. May be a bit intimidating, and maybe a bit too matter-of-fact in speaking, seems to lack any real filter. If you can accept that and work past it, he’s a good friend to have though.

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Probably, but it’d be hard for me to feel comfortable to call him a friend; I’d be pretty intimidated around him until I got to know him.

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I’m more open, empathetic, able to befriend people easier, but Liam has a confidence and conviction that I lack and wish I had. I wish I could care less about what people think of me, and be more confident in who and what I am.

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

We both care deeply about people we love, we’re both a bit quieter, and both of us aren’t the most social of butterflies; while Liam would prefer to sit at home wood working and working on cars, I’d more than happily sit at home and write or watch movies.

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

Again, it’s his pure and unwavering confidence and conviction. I think that probably is the same with Liam as well, holding onto his identity is so invaluable to him, because if he loses that he’ll lose control and that’s when he’ll slip back into what he used to be. He struggles with the fact that he’s a violent, insatiable killer, but at the same time has compassion for life and doesn’t WANT to just attack and kill. And he has to make sure he accepts that aspect of him, of what he WANTS to be, so he can balance that against what he can be. His confidence and conviction helps maintain that balance.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

While Liam’s fundamentals, his rules to live by and moral convictions have mostly stayed the same. He has slowly opened up more, been more open to listen and talk with people; though, he doesn’t often talk about himself, he can let a bit of his past slip in here or there. He’s learned to not look at others as potential enemies or victims, but instead daring to call some of them friends. He’s able to laugh more, joke more, hopefully someone’s willing to push that to the next level someday.

About You!

1.     What is your name?

Matt

2.     What is your profession?

Beer and Wine Steward

3.     What do you do to relax?

Listen to music, write, watch films, play video games.

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

Ice Cream on fresh-baked brownie/cookie with fudge dripped over it all.

5.     Favorite movie -

I’m a massive film buff, so almost every movie is a favorite to me in some fashion. I adore Star Wars for several reasons, not all of them good. Maybe my favorite movie is probably a toss up between The Big Lebowski or No Country for Old Men, any film with incredible dialogue really. But then I also absolutely love beautiful BS like the MCU films and got shivers during the Portals scene in Endgame, so yea... no idea really.

6.     Favorite book -

Currently: The Immortal Irishman - Timothy Egan (This needs to be made into a movie)

7.     Favorite vacation spot -

My favorite vacation I ever went on is a toss up between trip with friends to Portland for a wedding, and Chicago for Star Wars Celebration, but I’ve always wanted to visit Ireland. I intend to try next year.

8.     Favorite Disney movie -

The Lion King (I’m basic bitch like that, don’t at me.)

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

I started playing back when I was around 13 or 14, back on AOL, playing a Jedi in a D&D like setting... because that’s what I knew. People were accepting of it, and it was some of the greatest experience. I love story telling. 

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

AOL. And why Tumblr? AOL moved to Greatest Journal, which died, and moved to Insane Journal, and I met a girl there who told me about Tumblr RP, which I said ‘that sounds stupid’... and now I’m here. So there’s that. I still really don’t know what I’m doing half the time on Tumblr, no idea how to discover games on this platform, lol.

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

100% it’s tenses. Past/present, I just write how I talk and it’s bad writing, I know. I will also simultaneously explain way too much in depth, and other times get ridiculously lazy writing in-depth.

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

Just English. I’ve tried to learn other languages, but for whatever reason it’s very hard for me to wrap my mind around sentence structure and grammar rules in other languages.

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

Depends. If it’s just basic writing, an easy-going scene, probably not? I can get distracted from time to time; however, if I’m trying to get into a specific mood most definitely. Or if I feel a scene is heading somewhere that needs a good soundtrack? I’m a sucker for soundtracks in film, and music can really drive my mood (which is why it can be a distraction). And sometimes I write a scene specifically because I was hearing music that put me in that mood.

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

Evening. Which is why changing positions at work will help me, when I start working more during the day. When I work at night it’s hard for me to get up and get going enough in the morning to write. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Do you know how many times I write something exhausted, and when I come back to read it I absolutely hate it? It affecs me greatly...

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

Motivation, mood. I’m up and down in my moods, and sometimes I’m feeling down, exhausted, both, or sometimes I just feel inadequate in my writing and hate writing because I judge my abilities and suddenly don’t want to write. 

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

None? It’s more my mood and how far I get behind that’s paralyzing, but when I’m not feeling down or depressed, I’m in a normal mood or a great mood, I can write 30 threads in a single sitting and not miss a beat. I’m sure others can attest to how far I can turn around a reply when I’m on my game. (probably annoyingly).

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

It’s probably Godmodding, it takes away from the fun of writing WITH people if you’re trying to control their actions.

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

Things that make me think about my character, or have my character think. Things that make me really develop my character’s mind.

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

I love dialogue in film, so maybe it’s a bit ironic that writing dialogue can easily be an achilles heel for me. It’s hard for me to write fluff or small talk, because I’ve personally never been very good at small talk, and focusing that in my writing is difficult. Fluff is kind of the same way, because it’s all romantic and cheesy and really? I feel a bit embarrassed when writing it. Though that’s more or less for some characters more than others. Murad I can get a bit more fluffy and small talky because I can be outwardly weird with him, where as Liam... his quiet reserve and demeanor make those difficult.

[freesidexjunkie]

Fallout 4 companions in order of romanceability

What's the point of doing this? Quarantine boredom. And so that maybe, one day, Todd will see this and use it to learn what people actually want out of a romance arc. Group effort with @lilithgaskarth

1. Deacon

Deacon is the quintessential romance choice. He's funny, hot, rebellious, he's got an attractive voice, and he wants to make the world better for an oppressed people. His backstory (if it's true; you never know with him) breaks your heart and makes you just wanna hold him and tell him everything will be okay. Plus, Todd has forbidden us to romance him, which only makes us want him more.

2. MacCready

MacCready is a blast from the past. If you had told me that Robert Joseph MacCready and the kid Maxson from the Capital Wasteland would make an appearance in this game, and that MacCready was a sweet guy trying to do right by his son and deal with loss, while Maxson was a genocidal maniac with a cult-like following, I would've said you surely had them confused. He's caring, protective, sensitive. He's cute. He's super sarcastic, but in a really funny way that he can pull off and make attractive. Why wouldn't you romance him?

3. Hancock

Hancock has a rough exterior, but he's sweet and deserves to be happy. He's had a rough life, and his self destructive tendencies haven't helped. But at his core, he wants to help the little guy, and he adores you if you help him do that. Also, he's the only one who canonically likes you already when you tell him your feelings. But he feels like he doesn't DESERVE you and I just have a lot of feelings about him okay ;-;

4. Piper

Piper is a solid romance option, and an even more solid friend. She's got a cute lil nickname for you. She's got jokes. She wants to help the world, but also fight it for being so crappy to people, which is both admirable and highly relatable. Plus, every fanboy obsessed over her "girl-next-door" vibe, which as a girl I hate the whole girl next door trope that guys try to put on girls, and she's way more than "girl next door" level, but whatever I don't control the fandom.

5. Preston

Preston lands at #5 solely because while he's not better than anyone in 1-4, he's also not worse than anyone in 6-12. He's the true neutral in the litmus test of companions. He's passionate about the Minutemen but not super into being in a high rank (seriously man, why can't you be the General?) or having any real power. He's nice, but bland. He's a chocolate chip toaster waffle; not the worst choice by far, but not exactly what you want for breakfast.

6. Danse

Danse's name could easily be Paladin Dunce and I wouldn't even object. He's also super gung-ho about a racist organization that wants to kill most of my friends. Not cool, man. And about his personality. What personality? Being an asshole? That being said, he is easily the single hottest companion (unless you stan Cait but you can tell from her ranking that we do not). And his redemption arc is touching. Character growth Danse is someone we can get behind. And before that, he's still totally do-able. Personally, I could definitely have a one night stand with Danse before he stops being a dick and just regret it the morning after, awkwardly avoiding each other for the rest of our days.

7. Nick

Despite being so un-romanceable, Detective Valentine is my favorite companion, 100%. He's my best buddy. He's snarky and witty and he, like others on this list, really wants to help people. Plus, you two can totally vibe together about the good old days. However, being a great friend does not automatically make him romanceable. He's like that one friend that you're super super close with, but can honestly say you just wouldn't go there. It would be like dating your brother, or your uncle. And he's still dealing with all that stuff with Jennifer (I think that's her name) and his entire life of memories not really being his own. So, it's safe to say he's not looking for love. Still, I'd go there before going some places on this list.

8. Cait

These next two rankings are gonna get a lot of hate but I don't care, I stand by them. Cait has a great accent. I love it. I also really love her voice acting in Mass Effect: Andromeda, which doesn't deserve nearly as much hate as it gets but that's another topic. Cait's also feisty, which is always fun. That, and being a physically hot female character is enough to get most fanboys' engines racing. I'm sorry to tell you this, but that's not enough to make someone worth romancing. Furthermore, like Nick, she's going through some stuff, hard. Let her be in peace, you horny monsters.

9. Curie

Curie is an adorable personality. I agree with everyone else there. She's sweet and hella smart and she really wants to contribute to society. Still, I would never romance her in a million years. She's very precious. Too precious. She's like a baby. Are you really gonna romance a hyper-intelligent robot baby? Y'all just wanna romance her because she's got an accent and tits. You're way too horny. Stay away from Curie.

10. Cogsworth

One can make the argument that Cogsworth is the only person who understands the situation you're in, and who has lost the exact same thing as you. He truly cares about you and your family. If he could cry, he would break down in tears when he sees you walk down that hill from the vault. That being said, he is a Mr. Handy. Are you Mr. Zwicky? You could try to say "but Curie is a modified Miss Nanny, what makes her so special?" And I will answer you. She has been deliberately designed to be her own, independent, self-determining entity. Her processing power is also much higher than that of a robot butler. To reference Mass Effect again, it's the difference between an AI and a VI; the difference between romancing EDI, and romancing Avina. And also, just imagine that you just watched your husband (or wife if you play as Nate, which is 100% valid anyways) get murdered, after being tricked into cryogenic stasis when you watched the world get nuked into oblivion, while seeing your son get kidnapped. And now, you're gonna go home and start sleeping with the robot butler you bought together? Okay, sure. Bro for life? Definitely. A good boyfriend? Nah.

11. X6-88

There's not much to say about X6-88, because who can put up with the Institute's BS for long enough to really get to know him at all? He's a Terminator. He's a brainwashed killing machine. There's nothing attractive about him at all.

12. Strong

In previous games, super mutant companions had intelligent thoughts and conversations. They had moving life stories and experiences. They were good companions. Strong is not any of those things. Granted, it's still impressive that a Gen 2 super mutant is capable of being so...not violent. But I don't think anyone is gonna go there.

Final notes:

Dogmeat is exempt from this list for obvious reasons. DLC companions are also exempt, because the only one that's even remotely considerable is Porter and I don't care about him at all, much less enough to put him on the list. Nate should get an honorable mention, because he's a very sweet, caring, loving, devoted husband and father. Nora should not get any honorable mention.

[melxncholymermxid]

I know I haven't been on here much at all, and I couldn't tell you the last mutual I talked to, but I really need to vent. Anyone who has anything to add/say please dm me, I feel like I have no one atm.

So, Its been over a year since I moved out of my mom's house and drove 12~ hours to live with my nana.

I love my grandmother very much, but that nagging part of my brain keeps telling me that she's eventually gonna hate me like my mom used to.

I've visited my mom 3 times sinced I've moved out. To see how she and my siblings were. They moved to a new house down there, which she also can't afford. From last October until recently, she had been out of work. My step dad was overbearing and abusive and left months ago. I was unaware of how he was until after he was gone, and the damage was already done. My mom is an alcoholic and drug addict. On my latest visit she was drunk the entire extended weekend. Like drinking at 930 in the morning Level. My younger sister (17) is also a drug addict and I worry about her constantly. Her and my mom's relationship is worse than mine and they got into a physical altercation the day I had to leave. I drove my sister to her friends house. Last night she called and asked for help to look for places to live. I have no idea how to help her from states and hours away, and she doesn't even know what she needs help with exactly, but she knows she can't stay with her friend forever.

Neither of my brothers have any stability in their life. They do what they want when they want and my mom really couldn't give two fucks. She got upset that me and my sister forgot to "feed" our brother. He's 12 and the other ones 14, one of them should have been able to cook. I understand that one has autism, but that doesn't mean to baby him because he's the youngest, which means one day he's gonna be all alone. She's upset that he hasn't been making progress, but how can he make progress when you treat him like a baby.

---Aside from family bs---

I've been at the same job for almost a year, it's union, I know the people and I'm comfortable here, but with the covid-19 stuff going on rn, hours have been cut crazily. I'm lucky as hell to still be in a job, but a part of me feels like I'm 21, never been to college so therefore I'm stuck here. I have no goals, no 5 year plan, no dreams.

Socially I have little to nothing. It's hard to work and plan for a future you know is going to be just as sad and lonely. Among work friends who love to roast and jokingly make fun of each other, I'm the sad lonely one, the 21 year old virgin, the person who "likes guys and girl but can't get with either" and I'm so tired of being made fun of.

The two friends I have irl rn are my best friend and her boyfriend, who I'm also good friends with. They also work at my job. They're moving out of state soon and while I know I'm going to miss them like crazy, the part of my brain that just wants to protect me says to stop hanging out with them. and maybe if I find some way to make them hate me, it won't hurt too much when they move. And for the past few months (I have no idea when it started) I realized that I had feelings for her. Then suddenly one day I realized it was also feelings for him. And everytime I hang out with them I feel like a bad friend for not telling them. But I know if I tell them, there's no positive outcome. Either they're uncomfortable or their angry and I know I can't except either so I'm just trying to shut up but I still feel like a bad friend.

So in the end there's no winning. There's just bad outcomes and worse outcomes.

If you read this far thank you, I can't even bring myself to reread this so I hope it's readable.

[misscrawfords]

4, 5, 16, 18 :)

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

I tend not to but I sometimes do. For the two long stories I actually finished, Harry Potter and the Unbreakable Link and Consolation Prize, I got part way through, knew where I was going and then wrote a chapter-by-chapter brief plan for the rest... and then stuck to it. There might be a correlation between doing that and finishing these fics. Huh. Who knew.

5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

My laptop at my table with music playing and nothing else I ought to be doing.

16. What is your most underrated fic?

I know I sound like a broken record, but Consolation Prize. It’s the best thing I’ve ever written and I’m genuinely afraid I will never write anything as good as that. It’s always made me a little sad that readers liked University Challenge more. And like, fair play to them and I’m pleased for that and it’s not like people didn’t like CP, but I guess I just feel so strongly about it. I got really upset once upon a time about it not winning various awards and only being placed. I defined my entire idea of personal success by how popular that story was and it had to win. Otherwise I was just getting a consolation prize! :P I think that’s really unhealthy but it’s how I felt. I cried for such a long time when it didn’t win the most rewards and come first in its categories. (Yes, I needed a thicker skin, but that’s the way it was.) And I still want everyone in the world to read it!

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

Moving away from Downton, here’s the bathroom scene from Chapter 11 of Growing Beyond.

Rey has gone to her school’s production of Anastasia with the intention of loving it because it was her favourite film back in the orphanage but instead she’s horribly triggered by seeing it for the first time in years. At the interval, she dashes out of the hall to have a breakdown in the toilets.

This is GB’s version of the cave scene from TLJ and is a key moment for both Rey in the film and for Rey in GB. It’s a real turning point for her because it forces her to confront her past and her anxieties about her identity, state what she most wants “show me my parents” and then put her on the track to actually confiding in Ben. In the movie it’s also rife with symbolism connected to the heroine’s journey as she plunges into a dark hole representing return to the womb and the figures in the mirror that are apparently her parents but really look like her and Ben and which end up being her own reflection. Finally, she emerges wet and reborn.

When considering how to transfer this extremely weird and highly symbolic scene to a “realist” modern AU, I tried to find a way of doing it in a way that didn’t jar with the setting while also paying homage to some of the symbolism of the original. Mirrors and water are easy to fit in, so a bathroom made sense from a practical point of view, but also from a symbolic one. The ladies’ toilets are often a place of refuge - who hasn’t cried in a toilet cubicle before? - and they’re also a private place that the rest of the world can’t intrude in, especially men, so (and I know I sound utterly pretentious here and I am half joking with this level of interpretation) you could argue that they are a distinctly feminine location. (Yes, that is arguably absolute bs lbr.)

At first in the bathroom, Rey is desperately trying to hold on and not have a breakdown. She knows this is not the time or place - there are other audience members coming in and out while she sits on the floor of her cubicle. All the while, she’s aware of water - she’s splashed her face, taps are running, toilets are being flushed. Part of this scene is building up Rey’s anxiety so that she can let it loose on her bike ride through the rain afterwards. In the movie, Rey is drenched when she emerges from the cave - she’s not going to get drenched in the toilet, so this is after all a precursor to her mad night ride through the storm.

The scene also introduces a hyperfocus on Rey’s hands. 

She raised her head from her arms and stared at her hands, still trembling slightly. Her fingernails were uneven and bitten, her fingers red and chapped from winter cold. She stared at them with peculiar intensity as if she had never seen them before.

This ties into both Rey’s later questioning of who she is, where had her DNA come from, who actually made her, but is also picked up later in Chapter 12 when she’s met Ben in the pub and she doesn’t know what to do with her hands. And of course, leads up to the moment when they touch hands together. So Rey’s hands are important in this chapter and the next.

She emerges from the cubicle and then surveys herself in the mirror, just as she does in the cave, disassociating quite a bit, a way for me to both try to enter into her mental state and also to parallel the extreme weirdness of the original cave scene. As she looks into the mirror, she questions her identity. Rey in the cave says, “Show me my parents!” Rey in the bathroom doesn’t directly say that (because that would be weird) but her thoughts are going along a different line.

This is also where I bring in Rey’s role as a teacher and how that’s tied to her identity in this story. Obviously that’s not in the movie, but it works surprisingly well. Rey reflects on how as a teacher she knows that parental background affects a student’s development - but what about when they have no parents? The connection between Rey and Ben as teachers moulding the next generation and the effects on them of their own parents and teachers and mentor figures is one that works very well in this story. It is named after Yoda’s wonderful quote, after all: “That is the curse of all masters. We are what they grow beyond.” Rey and Ben as teachers must equip their children to grow beyond them but they themselves are unable to move beyond their own pasts and how other people have defined them.

Children is also a theme in SW (or it was until TROS decided it was blind and couldn’t read basic symbolism) and TLJ ended with the image of the force sensitive child. Wish I knew where that was going to go. Anyway, at this point in GB, one of Rey’s students enter the bathroom and she’s forced to act normal. The student is called Daisy. This student is therefore a reflection of or perhaps a hidden part of Rey herself. Daisy is full of optimism and enjoyment of the life she’s leading and full of hope for the future. She confides to Rey that she’s really enjoying her Physics lessons and that’s directly because of Rey’s teaching. Rey encourages her to come along to Science Club, thus expanding her interest still further. Daisy has appeared out of a magical plot hole like a woodland creature in a fairytale to tell Rey exactly what she most needed to hear - that she is doing good work, that she is important, that she can change lives, that she needs to stick at what she’s doing because it is really important. Daisy is also perhaps a reflection of who Rey could have been if she had had encouragement at that age herself, someone who could be herself and have potential that others saw and have someone who believed in her and she’s a sign of Rey’s future importance in leading the next generation (just as she is presented in the films) - how many more Daisys will there be in her career? And while this story is obviously a Reylo romance, Rey’s journey as a teacher and as a symbolic mother of her people (her role in the films until TROS decided to misunderstand its own canon) is still key to her own personal development.

So there you have it. :P

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Animal (12)

Chadwick Boseman X Original Female Character “Sianna”

Chapter Warning: Cursing, Angst, Plot

Word Count: 4.7K

Note: I know 2 months overdue, I’m sorry. I hope you guys enjoy this. By the way, Tumblr is on the BS and flagged the first post of this because my moodboard had a portrayal of backshots. LMFAO!!!! So 2nd try and no moodboard. Also, I apologize if the spacing is off, I worked really hard going through trying to make the spacing stick. Again, Tumblr is on that BS.

As always thank you for reading, I appreciate you!

**Loosely edited/Proofread***

Thank you guys for reading!!!  If you enjoyed this please LIKE, REBLOG, COMMENT. ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Sianna-

“I have no excuse for my actions, and I won’t make any, I just need you to forgive me.”

“I was a major asshole, Sianna. I’m sorry.”

“You lied, you’re still pregnant.”

“Do you have any idea what I’ve been going through these last weeks thinking that I was the reason you aborted the baby, I was at fault for my own child being–, how could do that?”

“Here I thought that there was something between us, something from Jamaica that traveled to Barbados, something that wouldn’t let either of us go. Then, these last few weeks I was depressing over the fact that I’d screwed up so bad that I lost you without giving this a real chance to be something and here you are.”

<><><><><>

His words flashed through your head as did the memory of last night. They occupied your brain so much you barely slept, and you were feeling the consequences of lack of sleep. You stretched your back for the tenth time this morning as you walked around your office. You walked to the window and gazed out, not looking at one thing in particular. Suddenly your mother’s old ass passed along from ancestor to ancestor cautionary words popped into your head.

What a twisted web we weave when we practice to deceive.

You groaned and rolled your eyes. She must have said them to you countless times since you were a child. When you lied and then were caught, she said them, when she heard some gossip about the neighbor or one of the other kids she’d say them, when your father got on her nerves every once in a while she’d say them. You could hear her voice as if she were standing right next to you.

You didn’t plan to weave any web, and you certainly didn’t plan to deceive anyone. Okay yes, you wanted to keep the truth from Chad but only for a little while. You were furious when you said the words at the lake. You saw red with all the accusations and slander; you could barely help yourself. Once you’d calmed down some, you regretted it—only slightly though. In hindsight, you could see how Chad would have felt given the limited information.

You groaned again. How were you supposed to know he even gave a damn about he baby?

“Shit.”

You put your hand on your stomach. He still thought it was just one baby instead of two. Your stomach filled with butterflies at telling him.

“Do you have any idea what I’ve been going through these last weeks thinking that I was the reason you aborted the baby, I was at fault for my own child being–.”

“He gives a damn Sianna,” you said to yourself.

You bit your bottom lip still hearing his voice echo through your head.

Or he gave a damn. The look on his face when he saw Chino and the flowers spoke volumes. He was hurt, angry, jealous, and sad even.

“Oh god, Chino.”

You gripped your head and shook it. You knew he had feelings for you. You knew he wanted more than you gave him. He tried to keep his hands respectful at all times, tried to go as slow as you wanted, but it was clear to you how he felt. You felt bad. Part of you–a really huge part was still pining after Chadwick.

“You shouldn’t have used him as a distraction, Sianna,” you said to yourself.

You knew it while you were doing it. If you start something messy, it will end messy, but it wasn’t all a distraction. You were beginning to like Chino. He was a good guy, and he treated you well. You felt fluttering in your stomach, and you paused, trying to decipher if those were kicks. It felt similar to butterfly wings tapping against your skin, but a little more forceful. You felt the sensation again, and a smile spread across your face. You slowly rubbed your expanding belly adoringly. To think you were going to terminate not too long ago.

Your mind went back to Chadwick. You had his children growing inside you. Two brand new lives that didn’t choose the current situation. Two innocent souls that deserved your best—his too. You took a deep breath and decided to put on your big girl panties. You walked over to your desk and opened the top drawer. You riffled through the papers for the card he’d sent weeks ago after he realized who you were. You found the white card and stared at the note again. 

“I’ve been thinking about you and would love to see you. Call me, please; 213-399-2811. Can’t wait to hear from you.”

You smiled, remembering the day you got the flowers and the note. You didn’t call him, one because you were convinced he was screwing your arch nemesis and two you knew if you did you’d end up sleeping with him again. You proved yourself right on several occasions after. You took up your cell and began tapping the numbers in. Once you had the numbers entered your finger hovered over the “call” button. You stared at it and went over the possibilities.

He might not answer; it’s a random number. He might hang up on you once he heard your voice. He might yell and call you all the names in the book—again. He might be happy. You rolled your eyes at the last one because it was unlikely because of how he acted the night before. You were probably enemy number one for him. You sighed and tapped the “call” button. You waited as it rang four times before it went to voicemail. You expected as much. You debated if you should leave a message. What would you say? “Sorry about last night, you weren’t supposed to find out yet, but yeah I’m pregnant, it’s twins.” You shook your head, and the voicemail tone brought you back. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. You quickly hung up and slapped yourself in the forehead with the phone.

“You’re an idiot Sianna.”

“Sianna?” You looked up and saw your assistant standing there.

“Yes.” She looked over you and stopped at your stomach. You scoffed.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yes, I am.”

Her face spread in the fullest, happiest smile you’d ever seen. She rushed to you and hugged you.

“Oh my god, that’s great. Congratulation.”

“It is? Thank you.”

“Yes, babies are blessings, and yours is going to be beautiful.”

You smiled. She was always good for this, making you smile with her sweetness.

“How far along?”

“Uh, fiveish or so months,” you responded.

“I’m so happy for you.”

You nodded and smiled also; you couldn’t help it, her happiness was infectious.

“Eh-em, let’s get down to business,” you said, walking to your seat.

She began giving you the highlights of the last few days, relaying messages. After your meeting was finished, you began to walk the floor. You had to oversee the shipping to the department stores, and you refused to leave it up to anyone else. Your father always said if you want a job done well, you do it yourself; only you know your level of standard. So that’s what you did, you spent hours prepping the orders for the stores. You double and triple checked that the quantity was correct and that each piece of clothing was in its best shape which meant no hanging thread, not one hole, you were very anal about it.

By the time you had a moment to yourself, it was well past lunch. You sat in your office with the door closed, and blinds closed leaning back fully in your reclinable office chair. You took the time to enjoy the silence then your mind went to Chadwick again. You took up your phone and dialed the number again. It rang three times before someone that didn’t sound like him answered.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hello?”

“Yeah, how can I help?”

“Who’s this?”

“This is Tye. Who’s this?”

“Uh, well; why are you answering Chadwick’s phone?”

“I’m his agent. Who are you?”

“Um, my name is Sianna. I was hoping to talk to him.”

“Unfortunately Chadwick is tied up at the moment. He’s doing a photo shoot. I will have him call you back. Is this about business? If so, you should be talking to me.”

“No, not business. It’s personal.”

Tye didn’t speak for a few moments.

“Okay. I’ll have him return your call.”

He hung up after that. You looked at your phone, finding it strange. You shrugged it off. You closed your eyes and sunk back into the comfort of the chair. You felt a dull throb at your tailbone and arched your back trying to stretch it out. From what you read, this pain would get worse as your pregnancy went on. You read those carrying multiples felt it more. You groaned and quickly drifted to sleep.

The rest of the day went by in a whirl and a haze. It was a busy one spent prepping all the distribution orders; in total you had over two hundred orders that went out. The rest of the week, you had to send out the same number if you would meet your self imposed deadline of fourteen hundred. While it was a busy day, you took note that there were no calls from Chadwick or Chino.

When you made it home, you decided to push all man worries to the side. Hell, you weren’t sure either of them was worth the stress or the headache. You climbed in a bath and allowed the sea salts, oils, and flower petals to work their magic on your muscles and skin. Again as if you hadn’t slept all day, you drifted to sleep. When you woke up, the fragrant water was cold, and the candles you’d laid around the bathroom were burned out. You climbed out of the water and wrapped in your favorite robe.

You passed a clock and saw it was almost one in the morning. You were tempted to forgo your nighttime routine and just topple in the bed and fall back to sleep but knew your hair would hate you and in the morning your skin would be as thirsty as the cement on a scorching summer day. So you fought off the exhaustion and lotioned your skin with the blend of Shea, and mango butter concoction you made. You didn’t trust your skin to just any skincare company. From when you learned to make products you’d been doing it. You smelled the jar and moaned as the lavender, rosehip, Orange blossom, and lemon aromas hit your nose. You took the time to lotion every inch of your skin, especially your stomach. While you had a few across your backside, you didn’t anywhere else, but you’d also read of stretch marks pregnant women got, and you were not looking forward to them.

Once you finished, you lied in bed ready to fall into the deepest sleep of your life but your phone rang. You groaned remembering you’d left it in the living room.

“Who the fuck is calling at one in the morning?”

You debated if you really needed to answer it, after a quick back and forth with your work ethic you stifled it and closed your eyes. You were tired. The ringing stopped, and all was quiet again until a few moments later it began ringing again. You groaned again, angrily flung the covers to the side, and climbed out the bed. As you walked to the living room, your bitch face was painted on. You grabbed the phone and answered without looking at the ID.

“What!?”

Silence. You kissed your teeth, reaching a new level of annoyance.

“Jesus Christ!” You pinched your nose bridge trying to soothe the annoyance a little.

“Sianna?” Chadwick said. You opened your eyes, shock filling you.

“Hello? Sianna? Are you there?”

“Ehm, yes, I’m here.”

Silence.

You chewed your bottom lip, your nerves taking over. You could practically hear your heart pounding in your ears.

“I heard from Tye you called,” Chadwick said.

“Yes, yes, I did way earlier.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Silence, this one wasn’t as long though before he began speaking again.

Actually, you know what I’m not sorry. It’s just I wasn’t going to call you back—at all. I was just going to—ignore the message. Then I thought you’re pregnant and something could be wrong, or you needed my help with something and I—I couldn’t not—call you back,” he explained

You sighed and tried not to take offense. He was only calling you back because he thought you were hurt. You dropped into your couch, feeling disappointed and hurt.

“So are you okay? Are you hurt? Is the baby okay?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. I’m not hurt, everything is fine,” you answered.

“Okay, so good. I’m gonna–,” he trailed off.

“Chad wait–,”

He sighed out, and you could hear his impatience.

“For what Sianna?”

“So we can talk. I called so we can talk.”

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about unless it’s about that baby you’re carrying. Wait, I can’t keep up today, do you still have a baby in there?”

“Of course there is—,”

You sighed and rubbed your forehead.

“You’re right; we have a lot to talk about regarding this pregnancy. Right now I’m too exhausted to think or control my smart mouth so right now will not work. Tomorrow.”

Silence. You were getting tired of his silence. After a few moments almost a minute he sighed again.

“Fine. Where? The park, same spot?”

Your head instantly flew back to your rendezvous in the park next to the lake. The hairs on your arms immediately stood up, remembering how he touched you, kissed you, pleased you. Before you could stop it, a groan escaped your lips.

Silence.

“How about the pier, Santa Monica,” you suggested.

“Santa Monica?”

“It’s out of the heart of LA and private, I’m sure paparazzi is a problem for you,” you explained.

You bite your bottom lip waiting for him to answer, hoping he said yes.

“Fine. What time?”

“Not early please lately I can barely keep my eyes open. Noon?”

“Fine. Good night.”

With that, Chadwick hung up. You pulled the phone from your ear and looked at it. while part of you felt he was being unfair, the other part of you felt like he was treating you justly. You did lie to him about the pregnancy, technically two times. You were found with another man coming to your home at a time that spoke of intimacy. Yes, he didn’t own you, and you didn’t owe him shit, you could admit it looked suspicious. You sighed again and made your way back to your bedroom to attempt to fall into that deep sleep you needed.

**********

-Santa Monica-

The drive to the pier was almost as stressful as the drive to the park to tell him you were pregnant. For this trip, he already knew. This trip was to tell him you were pregnant with twins and to apologize for lying about the abortion — nothing else.

As you pulled into the pier parking lot, you stared yourself in the eye in the rearview mirror.

“Nothing else Sianna, nothing else!”

You parked and got out of your car. You walked to the pier, and it felt like you were walking to the marching squad. You looked around and noted it was wide open. There was no way you were going to have sex with him. You breathed a breath of relief before you saw him. He stood all the way at the bottom of the pier looking out to the horizon. God, he looked good, you thought. Your eyes raked over his figure and took new appreciation for how God crafted the black man. His frame looked built for protecting, built to withstand any obstacle thrown his way; he looked as if God kept in mind firmness and strength when he created him. As your eyes dropped to his backside, you sunk your top teeth into your bottom lip. It was sinful the reaction you had to this man.

“It’s hormones, that’s it,” you whispered to yourself knowing you were full of shit. It had always been this way since you laid eyes on him in Jamaica.

As if sensing you approaching, he turned and watched you close the distance between you. You noted the hard expression on his face and the coldness in his eyes. That was new, you thought to yourself before coming to a stop before him. Neither of you spoke, you just stared at each other. After nearly a minute, Chadwick looked down to his feet.

“So?”

You cleared your throat and walked closer to the railing and leaned on it. You looked out over the vast ocean and took a deep breath. You felt calmer and waited a few more minutes, hoping your courage would build. When you didn’t speak, you heard Chadwick release an exasperated breath.

“Sianna—,”

“I’m sorry. I am really sorry,” you blurted out. He looked at you then back to the ocean, but you saw the clench in his jaw.

“Sorry, huh. Sorry for what?”

“You know for what.”

“I don’t. It seems you’ve done several things that would warrant an apology — for starters thinking the worst of me from seeing me at your fashion show, assuming and pretty much calling me a liar just because of my associations. Waiting weeks, nearly months before telling me you were pregnant despite seeing me several times and having several chances. Lying to me about having an abortion. Keeping the fact you remained pregnant from me for weeks. Jesus, does that about sum it up?”

You stood there wanting to object to everything he said but you couldn’t because he was right. You did do all of those things. The one thing he didn’t mention was you dating Chino; you wondered if he didn’t really care about that or if he intentionally kept it off the list. You looked at him.

“You’ve been lying since damn near the minute we met,” Chadwick accused.

“I have not. The only lies I told were about the pregnancy, that’s it. Everything else was real.”

He looked at you and kept eye contact with you; he looked as if he were scanning your eyes for any sign of a lie. He wouldn’t find one because you were being gut-wrenchingly honest.

“Jamaica was real, Barbados was real, the club, the park—it was all real Chad.”

He sniffed, looked away, and rested his elbows on the railing, and stared out to the ocean. Several more moments passed in silence.

“You’re right though, I have lied about a lot of things about the pregnancy, and I am truly sorry for that.”

“Why did you lie?”

“I was terrified Chad, like seriously terrified. I went on vacation to kick back before the storm, and you happened. I come back and bam I’m pregnant. I didn’t expect it, plan it, or want it. I was scared for so many reasons I can’t even begin to explain. I didn’t know what I wanted to do or what I was supposed to do. Then I was so furious at you for the things you said to me, and how you acted, I was hurt, and I saw red, and before I knew it, I’d said it.”

You didn’t dare look at him; you kept your eyes glued to the water and tried to allow the swaying of the waves to calm your rising anxieties. He didn’t speak, but you felt his eyes on you.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sianna. I wasn’t thinking at all. I’m ashamed of the way I acted, the things I said–,” Chadwick trailed off, lowering his head in shame.

“I was not raised to be that man, and I’m sorry.”

You looked at him and held his gaze. You saw the sincerity in his words and knew he meant the apology. Standing beside him, you felt your body’s want to get closer to him. You felt the need your body still had for him, and while it was tempting to give in to the need, you knew you shouldn’t. You bit your bottom lip and watched as his eyes dropped to your mouth. His expression changed to one you recognized, one you were familiar with because you spent an entire night with that expression. After a few moments, Chadwick cleared his throat and stepped back, creating more space between your bodies. You tried not to feel anything about it, but the hint of rejection was unrelenting. In an effort to break free from it, you cleared your throat and looked back to the ocean.

“So um, do you need a DNA test?”

He sighed out but didn’t hesitate.

“No.”

You looked at him and studied the side of his face.

“Why not? A few weeks ago you brought it up—,”

“I know it’s mine. I don’t need to test it to be certain.”

You were impressed and kind of touched. You expected him to be gung-ho about a DNA test, so this was unexpected. You nodded and looked back to the water and allowed an anxious silence to fall between you again. You wondered what he was thinking and why he was so quiet. No doubt he had a lot going on in his head but so did you. There was so much to say, so much to figure out.

“Ah, before you keep saying “it,” there is one more thing,” you began.

Chadwick looked at you with a confused expression ten turned his body to face you fully. You took a deep breath and turned to him as well. His eyes dropped to your stomach, and he stared at it.

“There are two babies, twins.”

His face slowly sparked with emotion, first shock then horror and back to shock before he finished off with a look that placed a small smile on his lips. He looked to your face then back to your stomach and back and forth several times.

“Tw—twins? You’re sure?”

“Oh yeah very sure, doctor and ultrasound confirmed.”

“Wow. Are you—are they?”

“Yes, we’re all fine.”

“Do you know the sex?”

You shook your head.

“Not yet, hasn’t been the time yet.”

He nodded and looked shocked again. You knew it was a lot to wrap your head around. You’d gone through these emotions before.

“Wow, I can’t believe any of this. A few months ago my biggest concern was trying not to be typecasted after Black Panther, and now there’s this.”

You looked down and felt as if you were burdening him.

“Look, I don’t mean for this to be a burden to you. That is the last thing I want. I don’t want you to feel as if you’re obligated to do anything concerning these babies or me. I just—you had a right to know.”

He looked at you with a blank expression then looked back out to sea.

“Are you saying that you don’t want me involved? You don’t want me to be a part of their lives?”

The fact that he said “their” lives and not “your” life was not lost on you. You heard it and although it hurt a little you understood. You didn’t know anything about each other except the frivolous stuff, and you’d lied to him for the last five weeks at least. You got it.

“I’m saying that I don’t need you to be if you would rather not be. I a good life, a good career, I make good money, I have amazing friends and family and I can more than take care of them on my own. I don’t need anything from you that you wish not to give. So, it boils down to the decision being yours,” you explained trying to tiptoe on the eggshells you felt this conversation to be.

“Thank you for telling me all about what you don’t need. What do you want? Do you want me involved or not?”

Damn, checkmate. You didn’t know, and that was the honest to god truth. You didn’t know if you wanted him anywhere near this pregnancy or the babies’ lives. Now that may make you a bitch or a horrible person, but that was where you were. As if he sensed your answer, he looked down and nodded again.

“I don’t know. I’m just getting used to the idea of the pregnancy as a whole and what the next eighteen to twenty years of my life are going to look like. I just haven’t thought about anything else.”

He fell silent again. You thought you’d offended him and upset the mellowness of this meet and regretted opening your mouth.

“What do you want?”

You were afraid to hear his answer. It could have been anything, he could say take you to court for custody, or never see your face again. You didn’t know which response made you more nervous. You couldn’t believe life was throwing you this massive curveball for nothing. There had to be a reason, a purpose for all of this.

“I don’t know. This is sudden. A few weeks ago, it tore me up that you’d gotten an abortion, straight made me sick to my stomach that I was the reason I’d never meet my own flesh and blood and I was upset with myself. I really was. But you’re still pregnant, and the possibility is there, and it’s terrifying. Yeah, I wanted a family in life at some point. I wanted to be more established and settled and secure than I currently am, but I guess life had other plans. So being faced with it now there’s so much,” he finished.

Again, you understood completely. There was no way he could answer anything with all this information being so fresh.

“Seems like we both have a lot of thinking to do.”

You nodded.

“Thank you for telling me the truth.”

“Thank you for apologizing.”

“Thank you for not kicking me in the nuts; I may have deserved it.”

You smiled and nodded.

“Yeah, that and so much more.”

Chadwick snorted, and you smiled and looked at him just at the same time he looked at you. You both stared at each other for several long moments, and you felt the same way you did in Jamaica that first night you saw him. The night that started everything. You wondered if he was thinking about the same thing you were. Was he reminiscing about the first time he saw you, touched you, felt your body on his, kissed you? Was he daydreaming about the night these babies were most likely conceived? He bit his bottom lip, and your attention went right to them. It had been so long since you’d tasted his lips. So long since you’d smelled the unique scent your bodies created together. How was it possible to want one man this much you asked yourself? How was it possible to be so angry and hurt by someone but also want to be near them, be with them? It was infuriating. Chadwick looked away and cleared his throat loudly.

“I have to make it back to LA.”

You nodded and stepped back. You hadn’t even realized your body drifted closer to his like a magnet attracting you.

“Yeah, so I’ll uh keep in touch about things,” you announced.

“Thank you.”

“And don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me,” you cornily joked as you rubbed your burgeoning belly. As soon as the words escaped you, you groaned.

“Wow, that was horrible,” you whispered.

“Nah, not horrible. Corny, but not horrible,” he teased. You smiled and probably blushed. You then began walking down the boardwalk with Chadwick instep with you.

You smiled to yourself and tried to not feel like a schoolgirl. Once you made it to the parking lot, Chadwick pointed to the right, and you pointed to the left. He followed you to the car and opened your door for you. This was the man you remembered. You slid in the driver’s seat and grunted. He shut the door and smiled at you again before he waved and walked to his car. As you watched him go, you breathed out.

“Platonic Sianna, platonic.”

TagList:

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***If you were not tagged and want to be let me know. If you were tagged and don’t want to be let me know.

[ladyalice101]

Just read your fic "you gave all you had (and now i am whole)" on AO3 (I'm KaisaSegher there, btw) and let me just say it was amazing! I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself here, but it truly was. Thank goodness we have people like you to fix the mess D&D made, really. THIS is what should have happened, at some point. Heck, in my mind it will. What are your thoughts on the finale? Any favourite headcanons you'd like to share? Anyway, keep your amazing work! Big hug

ok ok ok i just typed this huge ass response to this and tumblr has swallowed it and deposited it in the aether, but i will retype though perhaps more briefly haha. 

so firstly, THANK YOU. you aren’t repeating yourself but even if you were i would still LOVE this bc you went to the effort to not only tell me you loved it once, but TWICE. you’re so kind and you have no idea how much it means to me. truly, thank you. 

so the finale - i dont have much to say that hasn’t already been said, but i still will answer! 

my biggest issue is that there was no release of tension. we spent 8 season with these protagonists, with their hopes and dreams, and not a single one of them got what they wanted. 

jon wanted to find a place to belong - i would argue he found that with sansa, though i know others disagree. some probably say that he found a place amongst the wildlings (and yes i do think this is true on some level), and i could probably be happier about jon’s ending being north of the wall if not for the way they framed it. we have a montage of jon getting back to castle black (the place he left bc he was fucking MURDERED there), and then we have him ride out north of the wall with sad music playing behind (notably jon doesn’t smile ONCE), and the camera is positioned inside the wall as the gate closes on jon, who is looking back over his shoulder, signifying that jon can’t go south again and he’s really upset about it. maybe if he smiled a bit. a quirk of his lips as the gate closed, or as he rode into the forest. but no. nope.

sorry, but i really can’t find it in myself to find that ‘sweet’ in any way. it’s just straight up bitter. it’s just straight up sad. 

sansa - my girl deserved to get agency over herself, and that’s why i like her being queen. the north deserved a queen as good as sansa. but? where is the personal fulfilment? sansa’s entire arc was about her romantic naiveté being ripped from her, so where was the full circle moment where she realises that life isn’t hopeless? where she and we get the fulfilment of realising that she was right all along, that there is magic is falling in love and being loved. 

so like cool she was ‘trained’ to be queen and she is, but that’s not what her arc was about and to reduce it to that is upsetting. 

i won’t get in to arya and bran - bc i’d just be repeating myself with the whole ‘they should be with family like they all fought for for 8 seasons’, or repeating other’s who have articulated the problems much better. 

but they tried to sell us some whack bs this season man.

life isn’t shit and then you die and it’s fucked up that they tried to tell us that it is. 

oh no, of course, i’m forgetting the two characters who deserved to get the happy endings that they did - tyrion and bronn! those two did such great things in the show and they deserved to be the only two were rewarded with everything they ever wanted! 

ha. ha ha ha. i’m going to cry myself to sleep. 

so why does this matter so much to me? 

when i first started watching got, my personal life was extremely different to what it is now. that’s to be expected, of course, because it’s been four years. i won’t go in to TOO much detail, bc shit’s about to get really fucking personal even though you didn’t ask hahaha, but earlier this year i was diagnosed with a genetic mutation called BRCA1 which basically means that my lifetime chance of getting breast cancer is 80% (it’s 12% for other women) and 40% for ovarian cancer (which, from memory, is 2% for other women). so my chance are pretty high. i got tested bc my mum got breast cancer late last year, and we have a family history, so she was tested for the BRCA1 mutation and was found positive. i decided to get tested, too. (my mum just finished treatment last month and it’s looking really good for her, thank GOD).

god do i know that this is not the worst thing that i could have been diagnosed with but i’m only 21 and i have to get 6 monthly clinical exams and scans done. by the time i’m 30 i’ll probably have had to have gotten a double mastectomy, and by the time i’m 40 i have to have had all my reproductive organs removed - ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, all of it. 

so. i’m 21. i’m single, and quite a romantic. i don’t expect to have found my life partner in the next few years, and i expect even less to be married by the time i’m 30. i’m facing the very real possibility of not being able to carry my own child, of not being able to breastfeed any child i do have. 

sure, not the worst, but it’s not great - but what does it do to my romantic prospects? at worst, it would turn men away (not that i’d want those weakass men that can’t see past that but you get the point), at best it would likely create some tension at some point. 

and do you know what got taught me this year? 

that life is shit and then you die. 

so amidst all of that fucking bullshit in my life, game of thrones s8 barged in and told me that the characters that i identify with (the sansa’s, the jon’s) they don’t get a happily ever after, despite what they hope for, what they want. they sacrifice everything, they go through all of that bullshit, just to never fall in love, just to be punished for doing the right thing. 

now maybe you read all of that and you’re like “oh that’s sad about the brca thing but i dont see what that has to do with got and maybe you should seperate them and move on” like most people in my life have told me. and trust me, one day i probably will. i want to now, but unfortunately i can’t. 

and that’s what upset me. media isn’t supposed to do that, isn’t supposed to make you so upset about your own life. they can claim realism all they want, but if they wanted to be realistic they wouldn’t have fucking thrown out arcs and stories and people having like actual consequences for their actions. realism is not just ‘there are no happy endings in real life’.  

so, in conclusion, game of thrones ruined my life. haha nah, but, really? they couldn’t have given us some sweet with that bitter? 

anyway. WHOO. that’s a long ass reply. as for headcanons - i don’t really have much tbh but if i think of some i’ll put them in a post. if there’s headcanons around a specific thing you want to see, then send me a message/ask bc you’ll probably prompt my imagination and i want to give you everything. 

otherwise thank you SO much for reading my story and this reply! xxx 

[visionsofus]

Field Trips, Infinity Stones, and oh mY GOD IS THAT SPIDER-MAN?

CH1  |  CH2  | CH3  | CH4

| CHAPTER 5 ~ spider webs and surprise guests | 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Peter had watched the elevator leave, he reluctantly returned to the school group, taking his place next to Ned and MJ. The rest of his class were quite clearly torn between listening to Abigail's tour and gaping at Peter following his inexplicable interaction with three of the Avengers. Peter was thankful that no one had the chance to ask him any question as Abigail introduced their next stop on the tour. He had no idea how he would even begin to explain it all without giving away his identity.

Flash had picked himself up off the ground, leaving what was left of his dignity behind as he made his way over to join the rest of the class. A couple of the students snickered at him and he glared fiercely. Flash tried to elbow his way past Peter, who sidestepped just in time thanks to his Spidey sense, resulting in Flash stumbling and barely stopping himself from faceplanting into the ground.

"Mr Thompson." Mr Harrington reprimanded as Flash scrambled to regain his balance having interrupted their tour guide’s introduction of the lab they were now standing outside. "Please try and control yourself." A chorus of muffled laughter broke out amongst the students and Flash scowled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his Midtown blazer.

"As I was saying," Abigail continued, gesturing to the silver automatic doors they were now waiting in front of. "Welcome to Lab 4c. This is one of the four labs that are used by our interns for testing their projects. We have some pretty interesting stuff in the works at the moment so get excited. Should you be given the opportunity to intern in the research and experimentation sector of SI, you too would have the ability to create your own projects and trial them. I'm sure you've heard all about that from Mr Parker though." Peter felt his cheeks heat as some of the students glanced at him again. It seemed there was no escaping attention today. It wasn't that Peter hated it, and he could understand his classmates’ interest, but it was somehow easier to deal with it all when he was behind a mask.

"I'd like to remind you that these interns are workingso please be respectful and refrain from touching their projects unless they give explicit permission. You'll have the opportunity to experiment a little yourself after lunch when we have a look at old prototypes in a controlled environment. For now, we would really like to avoid any injuries." Abigail explained before retrieving her clearance card from her lapel and scanning it at the touch pad to the left of the door. It hissed slightly as it slid open, inviting the students into the lab space.

Unlike Launchpad, 4c was full of open space. There was very little clutter about the few tables and the interns were often reprimanded if their spaces were unkempt because of the fire risks this would pose. Each intern had around 12 square feet of space to work in depending on how big their projects got. Regardless, they all made use of every inch for experimentation.

Peter's senses were immediately bombarded with sound and commotion and he blinked a few times to let his eyes adjust to the harsh lighting of 4c. The lights held a faint ring to them that Peter had always hated. Back when he had spent some time in 4c he had often had headphones in to block it out and allow himself to concentrate.  

A drone buzzed past Peter's head and he ducked to avoid it as Ned joined him. "I can't believe you go to work here." He said shaking his head in disbelief, struggling, it seemed, to take in all the sights of the lab. Sparks exploded in the far corner of the room, followed by a great deal of violent swearing. On the other side of the room the drones had coalesced into a pattern that shifted and changed before breaking apart and returning to a holo-table. The intern in change of the project opened the panel of one and prodded at its insides with a screwdriver.

"This is pretty cool." MJ said appreciatively. The three of them stood at the forefront of the lab space trying to take everything in as the rest of their eager classmates swarmed the interns with the most interesting and large projects.

"Which was your workspace while you were here?" Ned asked eagerly looking to Peter who pointed over to the far end of the lab where a holo-table stood next to a workspace by the window. Peter had always preferred the natural light to work by because it prevented headaches and helped with his sensory overload.

"I can't believe you got to work here, Peter." MJ said shaking her head, admiration colouring her voice. Peter grinned.

"Yeah cause Parker so made it into this lab." Flash said snidely and Peter's smile immediately fell as Flash joined them, a couple of other students tailing behind him.

Peter was quickly beginning to accept the fact that there was just no way that he could escape Flash today. Unfortunately, it seemed Flash was filled with new found motivation to humiliate Peter after the mild ass kicking that he had received from Wanda Maximoff.

"He actually did, Flash." Ned said indignantly, loyal as ever. "Right Peter?"

Peter was sick of playing down his involvement in SI. Flash would probably crap himself if he knew what Peter really did for SI and the Avengers.

"Really? You actually got to design your own tech?" Another student piped up.

Peter nodded insistently, he'd done that and much more.

"Fine." Flash said folding his arms arrogantly, "give us some proof then, what exactly did you work on?"

"Oh y'know," Peter said shrugging, "just some stuff for Spider-Man."

"Ohh right," Flash said snapping his fingers, "I forgot that you and Spider-Man are best buds."

"Peter created Spider-Man's webs!" Ned blurted out.

"Dude!" Peter exclaimed turning to Ned in exasperation.

"I'm sorry," Ned said more quietly, "you know that he's not going to stop if you don't show him something good enough to shut him up. Why don't you show him what you can really do?"

"That has to be the biggest load of bs that I have ever heard, like you would have anything to do with tech on that sort of level." Flash said shaking his head. At this point some of the other students had noticed the stand-off that was occurring and had joined the growing throng behind Flash.

"Whatever it takes to get you to actually believe me." Peter said shrugging and ignoring Flash's responding scoff. He walked over to the nearest intern who didn't seem to be using her holo-table at the present moment. "Hey, I'm sorry, my name's Peter, I worked here a few years ago and my friends would like to see some of my old projects. Would it be alright if I borrowed your holo-table for a moment? I won't touch your specs or anything I just need to pull up my old files."

The redhead glanced up from her notes and the small robot that was sat in front of her. "Uhm… yeah, I guess that’s ok?" She said giving Peter a once over.

"Thanks so much, I'll be super quick."

Peter grabbed the holo-table and unclicked the brake on the wheels and pushed it back over to his friends and Flash. Flash's confident smirk fell as Peter pulled the table to a stop in front of them. More of the class had joined the group, even some of the other interns had joined in to see what was happening.

"That's Peter Parker, right?" Peter's Spidey sense picked up on the whispers as word floated around the lab and everyone seemed to stop their work to turn their attention to him. Peter hadn't known he was so high profile at SI. "I think so." Someone else whispered back but Peter turned his attention away from them and focused on the people directly in front of him and the holo-table awaiting his command.

"Hey Karen." Peter said somewhat reluctantly.

"Hello Peter." Karen replied through the overhead speakers.

"Can you please access holo-table AC18530D?" Peter said, reading out the identification number of the table before him.

"Of course." Karen said and the holo-table burst to life a moment later with Peter's SI files. He quickly flicked through them, hiding any that seemed suspicious. Luckily, Peter enjoyed giving his files code names so he was confident that nothing about 'Lazarus' or 'Rogue One' would seem out of the ordinary on the surface, despite the secrets that they actually held.

"Can you bring up videos from the shock web prototype 3.5?" Peter asked. The prototype was one of the first things that he had worked on at SI. Peter knew that his suit had hundreds of web combinations and he had slowly been working through them, picking them apart, trying to understand how they worked and then making any changes for ease of use. At the moment his shocker webs needed the time to charge before he could use them so he had proposed creating webs infused with electricity that could deliver three different degrees of electric shocks to opponents… or you know, if he needed to turn the light on or something.

"Right away." Karen said and the files flashed past as she brought up the video he was looking for.

Peter looked directly at Flash when he next spoke. "When I first started at SI, the main projects I was working on was stuff to do with the Avengers, yes I know Flash you find it unbelievable. I don't know what other proof I can give you aside from this."

Peter hit pulled up the video that Karen had found for him and opened it into full screen in front of his classmates. He hit the play button.

"Alright Karen," a two years younger Peter said, peering down the camera lens. "Is this thing recording?"

"Yes Peter." Karen's voice replied in the recording.

"Ok shock web prototype 3.5. I have increased the energy capacity of the web fluid and fused it into a Vibranium infused capsule," Peter held up one of the little black cases that he used to store his webs on the suit. "This is," he glanced down off screen at his notes and sighed, "trial 5."

A contraption was set up on the table to Peter's right, with one stand holding a capsule of webs ready to shoot and the other stand, about three feet away propping up a lightbulb and voltmeter.

"And go." Peter said pressing a button down and stepping back quickly. The past trials had resulted in a variety of explosions and very nearly singed eyebrows.

The web hit the electrical output and the lightbulb lit up immediately and within seconds it had exploded.

"Yikes." Peter looking at the glass on the floor.

"Please don't try and pick it up with your hands again, Peter." Karen reminded him. "Mr Stark has asked me to remind you of lab etiquette and safety."

"Yeah, yeah Mr Stark blah blah." Peter said bending down and retrieving the shards anyway.

"You just picked the glass up didn't you." Karen said and Peter grinned.

"Whattt." He replied innocently, dumping them in a bin somewhere out of view.

"Fast forward three minutes please." Peter told Karen and she obliged, skipping through the video. The next shot was of Peter attaching a web shooter to his wrist and aiming it at a new lightbulb.

"Trial 6." His past self said. This time, when the web hit the source, the light bulb only glowed brightly and didn't explode. "That's more like it, now I just need to test this on someone!"

"I don't believe that is ethical Peter." Karen said, sounding as concerned as an AI could be.

"I know, I know… but it’s only the lowest level shock, more like a prank really." Peter said unclipping the web shooter and returning it to the table. "Although I don't think Vision would mind, it would probably give him a bit of a boost."

"Would you like me to contact Vision?" Karen asked helpfully.

"Oh god no please don't, that’d be embarrassing." He said beginning to pack his equipment up. "I'm so glad I have these working now Karen! They're going to be so useful, I'm gonna be-"

"And stop!" Peter said hastily, not letting his past self finish the sentence, which, if he remembered correctly, ended with 'I'm gonna be just like Thor next time Mr Stark has a mission for us'. Peter could explain a lot of things but that was not one of them.

Peter shut the holo-table down and cleared any traces of his files from it before looking up to see the reaction of his classmates.

"I think that's pretty good proof, don't you Flash?" MJ said crossing her arms and turning to the bully.

Flash, to his credit, was still holding his head high. "Whatever Parker, so you did a couple of science projects, no biggie."

"There's just no winning with you Flash, is there?" Peter said, trying not to clench his teeth in frustration as he turned to return the holo-table back over to its owner.

At least some of his other classmates seemed surprised, some of them even had their mouths open in astonishment…

Peter quickly realised that their attention, and furthermore their surprise, was no longer directed at him as all the students turned their head to the doors to 4c which had just opened.

"Ms Potts…" Peter said quietly staring at the CEO of Stark Industries.

“Mr Parker.” Pepper said, her impeccable poker face making her unreadable.

“Hi…” Peter said, not liking how his voice squeaked a little. He was really happy to see her the CEO again but the look on her face had him worried.

“Come with me.” She said sternly, nodding her head to the door. Peter balked but eventually managed to force his legs to move past his classmates.

Was he in trouble?

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 32

“You've got exactly ten minutes, so start talking” Harper walked inside the small dressing room he had found at the other side of the venue, far enough from the stage, smart move, Sean, this way they couldn't be seen or heard, creepy enough though. “Thanks for coming over” he closed the door behind her, “I'm waiting..I've got things to do” she impatiently urged him to talk while she sat down, and don't look at me with those puppy eyes, I can't stand those. “I'm going to break things up with Shayla” he blurted out, wait, what? “I've thought about it long and hard, and staying with her...well, it just wouldn't be fair to her..or me, especially when I have reallly strong feelings for my best friend..”. Harper could barely believe her ears, “not this again, Sean, please! I don't feel anything for you, how many times do I have to tell you that?” she quickly stood up again, this was all wrong, on every possible level, but when she walked towards the door he jumped in front of her and his hands folded around her upper arms. “Don't go..Harper, please” there was a bewilderment in his eyes that she had never seen, “for the last time, I'm not in love with you, Sean! Why can't you just accept that? And now I'm suddenly your best friend? Really? When all you did was betray me? I mean, the minute you and Shayla became an item, you were way too busy to even be my friend, you were never there when I needed you or even wanted to talk to you, remember?” don't get worked up Coco, don't do it, don't give him the satisfaction. “Harper..don't..” he hung his head and shook it, like he didn't want to be reminded but she was gonna make him remember, “no Sean, I won't shut up! If you wanna break things up with Shayla, then that's your decision but keep me out of it, I'm done with all the drama between you two! Ok, let me make this perfectly clear for you and please listen because I'm not gonna keep repeating myself: I.LOVE.JARED! You and I just work together, that's all and that's exactly how we're gonna keep it” a deafening silence fell and not just because the soundcheck had ended in the background. Harper shrugged his hands off her and wanted to continue on her way out but once again he took a step back and prevented her from leaving, “Sean, come on, you're getting us both into trouble, Jared doesn't even know I'm here and I'm guessing that Shayla doesn't either, so please let me go..”she hissed on the verge of losing her patience, “no, I won't! We're not done yet..” he stuck out his chin to her. “I think we are” she pushed him roughly aside and turned at the door “I'll see you up there and if you're smart, you'll tell Shayla and Jared about this, last chance, because if you don't I will, I'm not gonna get into more trouble because of this bs” BANG! She slammed the door shut behind her.

”Coco?..heyheyhey” Jared saw her stomp up the back of the stage and stopped her right before she wanted to crawl up the ropeladder, her eyes were shooting daggers but instantly softened when they locked with his “what's wrong?”. I need to tell him, he deserves the truth, if you tell him now, he's gonna lose his focus, and what if he doesn't believe me? I don't want this to blow up in my face, I love him, just wait for Sean to come forward, if he doesn't, then you can always tell him tonight after the show. “Coco?” what was wrong? Talk to me..”I'm fine, I need to go up, it's..it's time, I..” she pointed up to the ceiling and crawled up the ropeladder, leaving him in shock and none the wiser, just when he wanted to go after her, Sean came running up the stage as well, mumbling some ridiculous excuse “sorry, I'm a little late..phonecall and all that”, pushed past him and headed up to the ceiling as well. “Jared? Yo! Off stage now” the crewmanager gestured from the side as soon as the cube started lifting, “alright, alright” he reluctantly moved but not before looking up but his lover was already behind the controls in her seat up there. “Sean, left wall down, let's put this one safely on the ground..and..down, works perfectly on my side, how about yours?” oh come on, why won't you answer, man? “Sean?” she barked in her headset, she was cranky and had trouble focusing because of what had happened earlier on, she needed a cigarette and she needed it right now. Fine, if Mohammed wouldn't go to the mountain, then the mountain needed to go over to him, she stood up and hopped on the small beam that connected to the other side of the stage where he sat staring at her, “is this fuckin' thing on?” she yanked the headset off his head and raised her eyebrows at him. “Oh, the silent treatment now? Really? What are you? 12?” she blew up at him and threw the headset back in his lap, turned and shuffled over to the ropeladder, god this was really high, it was like she was seeing this for the first time, don't look down, just keep walking.

“The fuck..?” A sharp cry of panic pierced through the animated band de-briefing and stopped every conversation, all heads turning in the direction of the stage, Shannon was the first to come running with some news “It's Harper, she fell”. Jared didn't even think, his body just shot forward and ran back to the stage, “give me your hand, Harper”, his heart stopped when he looked up and heard Sean's voice and saw Harper dangle from the thin beam that ran across the lighting rigs, Sean was crouching on the same beam, trying to reach for her hand and pull her back on the beam. “She forgot her harness” the crewmanager came running up to him, “what? Oh god” he didn't waste another second and ran to the ropeladder but was stopped immediately, “Oh no, you don't, if you fall and break your neck too, then we can all go home”. Harper couldn't hold it much longer, her arms felt like they were completely overstretched and she didn't even have the strength to pull herself up anymore, let go, it all ends here if you let go, no don't even think about letting go, there's Jared..and then there's the eternal shame of falling off a beam, or being pushed off. Please let it be painless if I fall, “Coco, hold on, ok, just hold on, we'll get you down” Jared's worrried cry drifted up to her, oh great, that's gonna help, floppy hair, what the hell do you think I'm doing?. On the ground, Jared turned to the crew “get her down, NOW!” his heart was beating out of control, why wasn't she answering and why was she up there without a safety harness? Please don't let her fall, please, please. “I got you, I got you” Sean grabbed her wrist and started pulling, causing her to cry out in pain and with that an iron fist squeezed down on Jared's heart, “leave me alone..” she hissed, “no I won't, I'm not ever letting you go, will you get that through that thick skull of yours?” he breathed as he was able to pull her higher, nearly losing his own balance in the process. Jared gasped seeing her being pulled up...oh god, yes, she..was..ok..thank god. “You ok?” Sean cupped her chin to look into her eyes as she sat there, unable to answer, tears brimming but refusing to fall, “Ok, let's get you back on the ground, put your arms around me”he caressed her hair, but she just shook her head. “Harper listen to me! I'm taking you back down, nothing's gonna happen but you're gonna have to hold on to me real tight, ok?”, hey, hey, what the fuck do you think you're doing? You can't touch me, not anymore, want to finish the job, is that it?. He made a loop with the rope around her waist and before she could think about protesting he pulled her body against his and slowly winched them down, Jared came into sight standing there amidst the whole crew, this was gonna be such a drama and she wasn't in the mood for drama, just like she wasn't in the mood to feel Sean's grabby hands on her body for much longer.

”Give her to me” Jared shot up to them as soon as Sean put his feet on the ground, “she's in pain, careful” Sean's hands were still around her together with Jared's, not the sandwich she had always dreamed about. “Nonono, awawaw, don't touch, just let go, please” she hissed as she tried to push away all those hands touching her, but even that was painful as both her shoulders felt like they were gonna fall off. “Come here” Jared ignored her little yelps as he scooped her up in his arms and turned to Sean “thanks man..you saved her life” before he carried her off stage, accompanied by Shannon and the crewmanager. “Close the door, call a doctor” Jared breathed at his brother as he walked over to the couch in the corner with her, “stop making such a fuss, please, just put me down” she said all annoyed as she wriggled out of his arms but the minute he put her down, her knees buckled. “I'm making a fuss? Harper, you nearly crashed and you can barely stand on your feet” he quickly picked her up and put her down on the couch, Shannon noticed the tension between them and nodded at the crewmanager to follow him “I'll go find a doctor”. The door closed behind them, “what the hell happened up there, lost your balance?” he crouched in front of her, putting his hands on her knees while he tried to look into her gorgeous eyes “I thought you were gonna crash, I was scared senseless..” he sighed as he put his head on her knees. “I didn't lose my balance” she growled as she leaned back against the back of the couch with a painful grimace, “huh?” Jared lifted his head to look at her, “I..” she started but got interrupted by the door opening and Sean walking in.

“Harp, you ok? I just wanted to check up on you” he walked straight over to them, “All shook up, but the doctor is on his way” Jared answered for her as he stood up and, to Harper's shock, grabbed Sean's hand and even bumped chests, “thanks again man”, what? so now they were best buds?. “No need to thank me, she's my best friend and when she tripped..well, I would have never forgiven myself if she..” damn Sean, I didn't know you were that good an actor, “She? I'm in the fuckin' room here, so stop talking about me like I'm not even here” she raised her voice in anger, “and another thing, could you clowns just leave me the fuck alone..at least for a few minutes?”. Jared and Sean looked at her like she had lost her mind, and maybe she had, but she really needed to collect her thoughts right now, “babe..” Jared tried to change her mind but she was not to be convinced “please?” most of her life she had been on her own, and now there were just too many people in the room all the fucking time. Jared caressed her hair and mouthed an 'I love you' before he and Sean reluctantly left the room, finally..the tears she had been holding back for too long, bubbled up and she had a good old cry, it was stronger than herself. God, she missed her old life, where she painted to get all the stress out and her emotions back in check, she needed complete silence once in a while and lately she had none of all that, she hadn't been painting or drawing, apart from that one sketch on the bus. There was just no 'downtime', it was one thing after the other, there was Jared who always seemed to be 'on', there was Sean who was going from one extreme to the other, confessing his love the other night, and trying to make her crash right to her death only 10 minutes ago, by pushing her off that beam. Too much, it was all too much, Sean and Shayla on a mission to destroy her, Jared who seemed to take Sean's side after all, her parents disowning her, being removed from what she loved to do most, almost crashing to her death just now..I need to get off this train that is rolling off the tracks and get back to being me..but then there's Jared to consider, I don't want to leave him, I love him so much..which is basically scaring me as well, how can I have all those intense feelings for a man in such a short time? I don't want to push him away which is what will probably happen if I leave to take some time for myself..talk to him..he might understand. She winced against the pain in her shoulders, when she slowly dug through the pockets of her hoodie, fiddling with the packet of cigarettes she kept stashed away there. Finally she lit up and inhaled the warm smoke deeply while she wiped the tears away, calm down, just calm down, another knock on the door, Jared slowly opened the door, her beautiful face was hidden behind a veil of smoke, she made smoking look so sexy. “Hey, I'm sorry, I just couldn't stay away.. you feeling a bit better?” he walked over to the couch and sat down next to her, taking the cigarette from her and taking a deep draw from it as well, “a little..” she sighed, “just hold me..”, his arms instantly folded around her “I can do that, come here..”. He let her snuggle up to him real close, something else apart from her physical injuries was wrong, he could tell, slowly she took her cigarette back from him and covered herself in silence and smoke once again.

[itsclydebitches]

Very long ask: Part 1: Hello, I know Maria is supporting Ruby a lot in recent episodes but do you think there’s something a bit off about her support, but not in a bad guy way? She’s given a lot of information about the real history of Remnant but instead of focusing on that and asking the real questions and offering her unbiased opinion/questions, she only focuses on the details relevant to her? There was so much to unpack but she tells Ruby that the God of Light gave them their powers, despite

Hey! Putting answer under the cut 💚

OKAY. So first off, yes. This was something I’d picked up on during Maria’s discussion with Ruby, but didn’t bother trying to articulate thoughts on because my recaps are long enough as it is. To summarize that question though: Why is rational, level-headed Maria talking about Light’s power like he’s still an infallible god? Why isn’t she acknowledging how horrible he and his brother were? Why isn’t she acknowledging anything else? 

Imo there’s a “good” answer and a “bad” answer. The “good” one is that Maria just might not care about that history. Ultimately, regardless of what happened in the past, the silver eyes are a tool and in the end it matters how you use tools, not where they came from. She might not want to threaten Ruby’s convictions to use her eyes by emphasizing that they originate from a mercurial, cruel being. They need her eyes--as the encounter with the Apathy demonstrated--and they can’t risk Ruby getting caught up in the morality of ‘Is it ethical to use a power given to me by someone that might be a Bad Guy?’ and start hesitating. There are priorities. 

The “bad” answer is a writing one: RT isn’t having anyone acknowledge anything else about the vision. Period. You’re 100% right that Maria is in an excellent position to, say, emphasize Ozpin’s Good Guy nature by connecting him to that love of humanity, or start a conversation about how freaking gods screwed over a mortal man to hell and back. So if presumably ‘perfect’ beings can fuck up so badly, how can you expect perfection from those around you? Cut everyone some slack. 

But RT isn’t interested in exploring any of these avenues, whether they relate specifically to Ozpin or not. In the same way that they’re not interested in having the gang acknowledge right now that there are other ways of “defeating” Salem besides killing her, or acknowledging that the work they’ve done is far from useless. Despite the massive amount of lore we got and the endless possibilities/questions it generated, RT has decided that everyone is going to have the exact same, simplistic reaction: pessimism and hatred towards Ozpin. The writers are straight up not letting the characters think through ANYTHING else they’ve learned. So yeah, that’s a sad use of Maria’s character and, imo, rather OOC based on what else we’ve seen from her, but this volume is forcing everyone down one very narrow path. 

We saw the same thing happening this episode. For whatever reason they decided that the end scene needed a kids vs. adults mentality attached to it and everything else (logic, characterization, expectations) are chucked out to try and make room for that. It makes perfect sense for the oldest member of the group (besides Ozpin), who is also one of the most level-headed of the gang, who lost her eyes because of her own overconfidence, to be the one to emphasize to Ruby that she needs to work with everyone around her, including the adults. Instead we get a generic cheer about how awesome Ruby is as she rejects everyone who’s not a “kid”--which includes Maria. The writing is so Team RWBY centric that they had an old lady cheering over being denounced when she’s the only reason they made it to Argus. Ruby yells about how they “didn’t need Oz”... but that’s because they had Maria instead. Ruby twists the situation to make it look like the kids did everything on their own when really they just swapped one competent adult for another, and the narrative--partly through Maria--tires to paint that as the truth even though the audience knows that’s BS. It’s like a form of fictional gaslighting (not to use that term lightly, just can’t think of a better one): “You saw events happen this way, but Ruby is now saying it happened this way instead. No one is going to question this and you should believe her because she’s the protagonist.” 

I think that’s bad writing. 

Yes, I believe Maria is largely the voice of reason... up until RT decides that the kids are right and Nothing Will Stand In The Way of That. And they’ve been doing that a lot this season. RT set up a very complex situation (which is great!) but then made it not great by not allowing everyone to respond to it in a complex manner. No one is allowed to have sympathy for Ozpin. No one is allowed to think about the gods’ responsibility in all this. No one gets to theorize about how they can still defeat Salem. No one grapples with everything else they learned. No one is allowed to react to the news in any way beyond abject pessimism and violence. Now, no one is allowed to challenge Ruby on her claim that kids are the most competent people here. 

And it’s not entirely RT’s fault. I’ve said before that RWBY’s format is not good for the kind of story they’re trying to tell. Even with longer episodes now, 12-20mins of content across 12 or so episodes can’t compare to 45mins of content across 20+ episodes. Especially when you’ve developed a cast as big as this one. I can understand why they might go, “We don’t have time to give everyone a unique reaction to this news and have legit conversations about the implications because we literally need this scene over and done with in under 5mins.” If we don’t get more info about Oscar’s excursion, I can understand why they’d straight up ignore him in favor of giving us half an episode on Jaune’s reaction because he’s the character we’ve known longer. But understanding format limitations doesn’t erase the fact that it’s still bad storytelling. And it’s not just Oscar. As the story continues to grow more complex (Ozpin’s morality) and the cast continues to grow (Maria) there’s less and less and less time to devote to each character and each problem. We have eleven main characters this time around, not including all our villains and those on the sidelines who will play an important role later (like Ironwood). If you want to give Jaune a meaningful conversation with Pyrrha’s mom, you don’t get to explore Oscar’s outing too. If you want time to focus on Qrow’s drinking problem then you have to take time away from [insert literally anything we want to see here], which includes Maria’s lack of opinions and her random status as the kids’ champion. You’re right that there’s SO much more to unpack... but with what time? 

Every story has this problem to an extent (that’s what fic is for!), but you reach a point where the amount you have to a) simplify, b) chuck in without buildup/explanation or c) straight up skip begins to have a negative impact on the story as a whole. As fantastic as this volume’s potential is, I think RWBY is starting to reach that point. 

So yeah. As much as I adore Maria I don’t think she’s being used to her full potential, especially in these last two episodes. But then again, most of the characters aren’t. That’s what happens when you try to pack this much storytelling into about 12mins once a week. 

[cards-onthetable]

Hi, is this Jamko Grievances Hotline?

(This is it y’all, Aussie’s letting loose. Straight text is hers; any of my own additions are italicized. I’M SO PROUD OF YOU, AUSSIE!)

My perception of Eddie season 4 - younger than Jamie, sheltered upbringing, bit of a private school princess as we say here. Rookie so she has a steep learning curve ahead of her. All pretty normal I think. Fyi I don't buy the BS that nobody saw their chemistry etc behind the scenes. Her whole "You're my first Reagan, be gentle" was to me the very beginning of this farce. It was obvious she was brought into the show to be his eventual love interest.

Season 5 - 1st episode Jamie loses his shit when Eddie pushed to the ground. Eddie apparently doesn't realise Jamie wants to jump her bones? doubt it but ok writers. His talk with Erin about Teresa Mancini being his first crush because Jamie likes opinionated bossy women etc. So writers/producers clearly want idea in viewers minds that yeah he wants her but noble, never-screw-your-partner Jamie Reagan denies it and Eddie supposedly remains oblivious.

Episode 2 - Jamie sides with Kara Walsh much to Eddie's disgust. It's Eddie that talks about bringing stink back with him etc after he partners with Walsh. It's Eddie talking about nobody trusts a rat etc etc. (geez I hate season 9)

The rest of the season passes with Eddie being kidnapped  (Jamie handled that smoothly didn't he)? and  Eddie's first kill. He wants to be there for her. Eddie also wants him there. Ok I get slow burn in TV shows but they in my mind have already crossed lines emotionally and MR HARVARD GRAD on some level has to know this. Eddie always showed signs of knowing she had feelings in my opinion.

Eddie undercover and Jamie loses his shit with Danny about getting his partner out etc. Danny and Maria knew about their feelings. Hell seems basically the entire precinct did but ok this slow burn shit continues all the while Jamie believing can't go there because dangerous on job blah blah blah. Sorry but you are already compromised. (AGREED. They’ve been emotionally compromised since early on.)

Season 6 - More interesting for me because Eddie started to be more his equal I felt. She would express opinions and argue more with him. But I did not like her "do you know who my partner's father is" BS (same, I still struggle to categorize that as a momentary lapse in judgment? A scared gut reaction when she got confronted? Not sure, but it was gross). They also had a fight in episode 11 when Eddie got them assigned to a detective detail. Eddie's "I'm not gonna apologise for wanting a career". Opinionated Eddie on display. You know the type Jamie is always attracted to. But still this slow burn BS continues. 

Season 7 - Well we all know how that played out. The year they confess feelings (no, the year Eddie confessed feelings in a moving, vulnerable moment and Jamie stammered about bad ideas and roads they’ve been down before. 😒😒), pash, attend out of town weddings together and get into fights. But yeah ok JUST PARTNERS. Honestly fuck off BB it's just a farce. Oh wait we are now going to ignore the kiss etc. Erase it from your memories like it never happened folks. UGH UGH UGH.

Season 8 - Mostly about Danny and losing Linda at first. OK I can deal with that. Jamko dinner date at the Chinese restaurant and we're reviving the sexual tension again. JUST FUCK ALREADY. But nope surprise Eddie has a boyfriend called Barry. Well she is entitled to her life considering the WE ARE JUST PARTNERS BS!! But apparently this boyfriend is enough to make Jamie stop and think as opposed to the other men that have come and gone. Yeah she got shot, Jamie could've lost her etc etc. Barry mentioned again so Eddie was still with him or had very recently split oh hey surprise WE'RE ENGAGED - (Adam Sandler starts in my head BUT IT ALL WAS BULLSHIT IT WAS A GODDAMN JOKE).

As an aside I absolutely hated the episode where Eddie recognised the absolute pig from her past and used her job to get even. Showing Eddie to be that unprofessional and needing to be brought to heel by Jamie and Erin really pissed  me off. That right there is why Eddie is considered beneath Jamie by the I hate Eddie brigade. I understand being shocked running into the guy but showing Eddie to have such poor judgement just didn't sit well. And hey T.O. you failed cos you probably should've taught her that you can't use your authority for personal gain but clearly you didn't but you know it's wrong so the all powerful Reagans can get you out of the trouble silly little Eddie tried to get herself in.

Season 9 - ARE THEY FUCKING JOKING? 

1 - Still working together because their judgement won't be affected in a negative way. oops Eddie trapped in fire and Jamie loses his shit.  But ok engaged and working together CHANGES NOTHING

2 - Jamie promoted and getting transferred and immediately Eddie brings up putting in for a transfer. He says no. He then requests her. She says no. Good maybe they really will let them be separated at work which given it meant Eddie basically relegated to family dinners surprised me.

3 - Oh my guy's being talked about meanly. This won't do. FYI I actually was ok with Jamie appearing a bit irritated when she arrived at work as his girlfriend. I like to keep home and personal separate so I could understand his less than thrilled reaction but that's not everyone's cup of tea and I understand that. But hey spoiler BB his colleagues have seen his girlfriend you morons, so transferring her into work there by end of episode and pretending people don't know IS BULLSHIT

4 - Think I already discussed this with @ontherockswithsalt but I was irritated. Jamie made it clear he did not trust that detective and Eddie seemed to see it solely as an attack on her capabilities. Old Eddie I think would've at least listened. But SHIT goes wrong and it is Jamie coming to rescue Eddie. I understood why the majority felt Jamie over stepped and Eddie is trained etc. But she had found herself in an out of control situation because she was pinned with breath knocked out of her and help was not coming until it had gone further. Jamie is aware of what this arse would be rapist is doing. He is aware of Eddie's history with sexual assault. He does not trust this detective. THE MAN IN JAMIE WILL ALWAYS PROTECT HIS WOMAN WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY WORKING TOGETHER IS TOTAL BULLSHIT KEVIN WADE AND YOU KNOW IT. That was not Sergeant  Reagan that was ANGRY JAMIE out to play. But Eddie is upset which i get because she feels it's an attack on her capabilities and no chick is gonna be happy with that and she talks about "we agreed we'd separate work and home Jamie you gotta choose". 

5 - It was Eddie telling Sean about what it means to be a Reagan, higher standards etc etc. Oh look a little bit of affection seeing Jack off. Works for me because they are at home, not working. 

6 - He puts both Maya and Eddie on foot patrol AND SHE DEFENDS HIM? Oh come on Old Eddie is not that stupid. Sorry it's Eddie 2.0 this season, I forgot. So again it's Jamie Reagan the HARVARD GRAD telling her that was a mistake well NO SHIT and old Eddie wouldn't have done it.

7 - I kinda enjoyed that low growl as he went to kiss her in the kitchen. Her mum's a delight but to me supportive Jamie was on display this episode because they were at home. He can be Jamie there. At work he's supposedly Sergeant Reagan not Jamie.

8 - Jamie upset with his decision and Eddie is supportive. Only really saw them at home so nothing really annoyed me here.

9 - Eddie and Maya and 2 others supposedly bullied and Jamie has to explain why it's a bad look. Not convinced old Eddie would be so keen to just let the loud mouths go but maybe the point was to suggest Eddie really not that capable without Jamie by her side? Oh no it's not that because Eddie caught the wanted killer. You girl. Then their boss tells Frank he's not blowing smoke when praising them. So what their CO does know?

10 - NO NO NO. EDDIE FLAT OUT LIES WHEN ASKED BY MAYA HOW LONG THEY BEEN SLEEPING TOGETHER. BUT OH NO JAMIE IN A SHOOT OUT AND HERE COMES EDDIE RUNNING SERGEANT REAGAN ARE YOU OK WITH THE PUPPY EYES. But ok sure Maya and co believe you aren't screwing. BULLSHIT

11 - Jamie stuffs up. Did that actually happen? He makes a mistake someone gets shot and nothing is said? SAY WHAT? Also Eddie has to pull Jamie off the shooter and is calling him Jamie which apparently is wrong so again THEY ALL KNOW YOU ARE SCREWING FOLKS.

12 - I'm annoyed that anyone can mention 100k and wedding in same breath but hey maybe that's really what a wedding in NYC costs. Wedding talk bores me so I found that episode blah. He certainly needs to learn to express himself better. The venue seemed ok I guess.

13 - Wedding dress description to the guy you gonna marry? I'm bored. Oh wait personal and professional lives must be separated so yeah it seems really logical to therefore be discussing their issues at work. What's this did Jamie just tell her he loves her in busy precinct? Ok maybe it's me who has a head injury because I thought we were still playing secret squirrel.

14 - Not that much Jamko really but hey Henry while I understand Danny's point I am firmly team Jamie because how on Earth can he maintain any discipline/control when his own brother totally disregards him? Henry and Frank care more about Frank's precious job and the family name. OH Fuck Me Frank Reagan's bullshit is a separate rant. Did love the dinner table spat though. Give me more of that. Also kinda impresses by that saga at the end.

15 - we've discussed this

16 - Nice to see them working together I guess 

17 - Maya corrupt. I'm ho hum in a way. I kinda think making the first black recurring police officer corrupt plays into the ‘blue bloods is racist’ crowd but I really don't know enough about the culture there. I did like Jamie having her arrested  at roll call because I'm all for sending a message. Again this woking together and screwing is BS but hey that's the theme of the season.

18 - Who knows I haven't seen much but I'm over it. IT DOES NOT WORK. END OF STORY.

But in closing Eddie does look like can't be trusted in my opinion because she came to the new precinct that was known to be trouble. And for a year her and her boss have been lying. Jamie has the Sergeant has power. Eddie does not. Given how rats are seen how does Eddie's position not come with major blow back when all is revealed? Jamie can't shield her cos that'd be playing favourites and hey we keep work and home separate (except for when we don't) BECAUSE IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.

If the go ahead with season 10 and I'm silly enough to watch I am hoping for serious fallout. I want Eddie ostracised at work because I think that is realistic and they supposedly pride themselves on being real. I think it would be interesting character development for Eddie and also for Jamie because HEY HARVARD HOW'S BEING A BULLSHIT ARTIST WORKING FOR YA? I'd like to see HARVARD have to grapple with how his stupidity has truly affected the woman he loves. And hey maybe Eddie can return to her old self.

This dummy spit written and authorised by Aussie.

Sorry if I've broken your eyes due to eye rolling.

[languagequest]

Hello everybody, it’s currently 12pm on 1st January so I’m a little late (only a little) but last night was a night of booze, fireworks and my dog absolutely crapping it. Wow, I feel like a new person already

2019 is the year where I’m going to grab life by the balls. 2019 is an important year for me; I’ll officially become an adult in the coming April and in September I will be going to University, which means I’ll be moving back to the city on my own. Ooooh, scary. So, here goes, my goals. Feel free to make your own posts and have a go, I’ll be following a tag on my own blog of NYNMB (New Year, New Me. Bitch; because again, we’re grabbing life by the balls here.) Let me know if you have a go too! 

1. Weight (general fitness as well) My weight has always been a bit of a meh if I’m honest. When I moved I lost a lot of weight and I was a lot happier but the general look of me, I’m still not a fan of. In addition, my actual fitness isn’t fantastic. I might be a smaller size but I still can’t really manage stairs. Sounds awful I know and it’s a chore for me because sometimes I can’t keep up with others.

2. Studying It’s my final year of school and I want to really, really earn my 3 months holiday and not dwell on all that I could have done. Between now and the end of May I have 2 sets of exams - one in January and my real exams in April/May. What I really need is to get at least a C in my Advanced Higher Maths and trust me, I want that A in French. So, I’ll be aiming for a B in Maths and that all important A in French. On top of these, I’d like to get Bs in my other subjects too. This will be a significant challenge, especially in my German class where I have 1 50 minute lesson a week and the rest is self-study. 

3. Keeping my Blogs up and running I run three blogs in total - two tumblr ones and a Wordpress blog. The two tumblr ones are this and one dedicated to football, the Wordpress one is more of an endeavour as it’s a history blog. I’d like to keep them active in the new year and make my History one more active, hoping to achieve a higher rate of hits (above 167) that I achieved last year. 

4. Improving my Italian Over the summer I spent a great deal of time learning Italian, however upon starting school in August, it got left by the wayside. I seem to have forgotten the majority of what I learnt which really upsets me if I’m honest. So, over the next 12 months, I’m going to try and get myself to a level where I could sit a National 4 (Scottish Qualification) exam and pass. This is around an A2 level.

5. Going Somewhere I am quite bound to where I live. I’m not very good at saving money and I didn’t have a passport until this year. So, I want to go somewhere. Probably not abroad as I intend to go alone or with a similar age friend but it’s going to take some serious discipline in my savings and actually getting things done + booked.

6. I read, therefore I succeed I used to read so, so much but since beginning my National 5s in the August of 2016 I’ve barely picked up a book - I’ve been halfway through The Time Traveller’s Wife for about 6 months. So this year, I want to read more and I’m going to do my best, my goal is currently a book a month to accommodate the fact that school is going to take up most of my time until May but I’m hoping I’ll exceed that

7. Writing I’ve always wanted to be a writer, always. What tends to happen is I’ll have an idea, write it for a little while then forget about and go back a few months later and cringe my way through before abandoning it. This year, I want to write properly. I have full intention in taking part in NaNoWriMo in November this year but through the year I’m going to work on a single project (another problem of mine is that I work on too many things at once) and hopefully, get it to a standard I like.

8. What’s going on up there? (Mental Health) 2018 was actually a really good year for my mental health, which has suffered considerably in the past. It did start off very, very badly and I was heavily isolated from many people. However, the past few months have been amazing; I’ve made new friends far and wide, reconnected with others, started getting on a lot better with my family and leaving my old self behind, though she’s still there for me to learn from. In 2019 I’d like to keep it this way and make it even better.

So, those are my goals for 2019. There will be some updates that are daily and some that are monthly and there will be a big roundup on 31st December 2019! Good luck everyone!