#it’s part of the process I guess
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(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)
#polls#tumblr polls#For me I think the top ones would be the House. The Money. or the Friend Group. But I ultimately might would go for the house#JUST becuase it would be my Dream House which means it would already meet mostly all of my specifications#and what I might be looking for. which would save a lot of time searching or customizing/rennovating.#Also because I could use that as a way to leave the US lol.. like .. if I get to choose my dream location.. couldnt I just choose some othe#country?? But I wonder how that works. Can you legally 100% have full ownership of a property in a country yet not be a citizen of that#country?? Would you show up and be like 'erm.. i own this house.. so i shall now live in it' and theyd be like 'uh no. you cant live here#despite owning the house. leave.' ??#So I think the initial process of 1. scraping together funds to actually MOVE myself and my most valuable belongings physically#TO another country. and 2. figuring out how to STAY in that country . might end up being difficult.. BUT. if I could just work that#part of things out then.. dream house?? security for once in my life?? stability?? :0#Though the $1mil is enticing it's also like.. I feel .. with the way housing prices are now... that's not much???#it's a lot I guess if you plan on like.. investing half the money and staying in an apartment for 5 years while you grow your wealth#or something. but if you're a 'I Need Stability NOW' ready to settle down person who would be most interested in owning a property rather#than nice clothes or a car or whatever other investments you could make then.. eh..?? It seems like unless you're okay with living in#a small town or kind of far away from the city - even some SMALL houses in majorly populated areas in the US will be like#$600.000 - $900.000 or something. like that would be MOST of my money. Which I know you could just pay partially and make#payments on it but idk.. in the option of just outright owning the house it seems like it'd end up being cheaper.#Plus I would want to own it fully asap because I'd be afraid of losing it somehow otherwise. like it being taken for medical bills or#something. which I thought was supposed to be - not IMPOSSIBLE - slightly more complicated legally if you actually have#paid off the house in full. I guess the issue then would be utilities and property tax and such. But I feel like thats overcome-able??#Like I could just stipulate that my Dream House has a little furnished addition or something and then find someone#with money and be like 'Look you can live in this extremely nice area with amazing ameneties and updated everything and ALL you have#to do is give me money to cover the utilities and property tax.'' or something like that. Like the little furnished addition is nicer#than the actual house. they have their own pool and spa and movie room or something and Ill also cook all their meals for them#or whatever (how luxurious it would be depeneds on how high the property tax actually is/how much I would need to entice them into#why it's a good deal for them to pay it for me lol). idk... something like that.. ANYWAY#I asked a few people I know though and one of them answered they'd rather have a romantic partner. the other one said they'd like#to be able to choose someone to die lol.. So I'm curious what people value the most
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AU idea: PV never regains memories, ancients don't reunite and the beasts are freed. Soul jam's powers are weak so SMilk aims to forcefully make PV remember and takes him to the spire (Little does SM know he'll get attached to this little compassionate Healer)
More details about this AU (currently called Slumbering Truth AU): Basically it starts off with Smilk being terrible and basically doing what he was doing in the 8th episode, trying to make PV remember and playing with his mind for his entertainment. He knows who PV used to be but PV knows nothing about him or his own past. He's confused as to why would this powerful cookie need him but decides to submit in exchange for the village being safe.
At first Healer is uncomfortable and nervous but gradually despite Smilk's intimidating look decides to play along his games and get to know him better. Smilk is surprised by the other's behavior (and unexpected wits and trickery) and what started with the urge to break PV down slowly became an urge to keep the other close since the other's intentions to know him were genuine and comforting and SMilk hated the thought of losing that (not that he'd admit that. he needs that Healer to see him suffer, right?).
Now he doesn't want Healer to remember, he doesn't snap at that cookie as much, he wants him to stay in this blissful lie because if PV knew the truth then he'd definitely leave Smilk and lock him again. If Healer knew the truth he'd turn against him instantly, Smilk was sure. For the first time in a long time, Smilk felt like he found someone to who he was connected and he wasn't going to let anything ruin that.
(It's a wip so I might change some stuff along the way)
#mmelart#Slumbering Truth AU#cookie run kingdom#shadow milk crk#shadow milk cookie#pure vanilla cookie#pure vanilla crk#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#vanilla milkshake#it wasn't supposed to be a shadowvanilla AU but the voices said otherwise#it was also supposed to be darker but I changed my mind and made it lighter- I'm not that good with writing dark stuff#I thought of the first part of this AU while vacuuming and the other while showering I guess it's a sign I need to be more productive-#Anyway Smilk is still terrible at expressing and processing feelings and PV even with no memories has 'I can fix him' mentality#(and surprisingly he can ngl impressive)#Also it's kinda chaos and destruction outside the spire- but who knows maybe once PV remembers he can fix it too- right?
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bonus bonding over tea:

#ffxiv#emet selch#fanart#ff14#ffxiv spoilers#guess whos back in the house#heels click clackin about#fine fresh feminine style to 11 gentlemen sweatin#its dimes across the board with no doubt#body like wow#pussy ‘bout to end this drought#(im sorry i love the call me mother emet selch fancam so much)#(in my head constantly it’s now part of the process for shb emet)
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third ones the charm
#guess who learnt how to draw#this took me so long cause i do not understand any part of the rendering process so i go in with optimism and desperation#red hood#jason todd#look in my head this was a sad but charming drawing#and turns out: didnt draw that#batman#dc comics#ladies. gentlemen. you have eaten well.#my art
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artblock lowkey goated
#suggestive#<- i guess?#cheez rambles#francis l4d#l4d francis#left 4 dead#left 4 dead 2#// trust me bro this is part of my creative process of healing
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I will like actually never get over the choice to have marinette break adrien's rings in werepapas. without trying any other options. without any hesitation except for a slight look of concern on her face. and seeing her visually express concern/relief communicates to us that she knew there was a risk of her hurting/killing adrien there. and she just. did it anyway? without even trying to help millie break the akumatization herself? makes it hard for me to even like. understand marinette's characterization at all. she's committed to doing All This out of love for adrien but is also willing to quickly gamble his life in a situation with no other clear path forward? this decision, from the girl whose defining character traits are love, creativity, intelligence, and determination? she couldn't think of a way to navigate that situation that didn't involve risking her boyfriend's existence? most baffling writing choice of all time. borderline character assassination. to me.
#werepapas is such a whirlwind episode#I was so high on baby adrien and emilie flashbacks#and then they threw in “and then marinette breaks adrien's amoks as just part of a regular akuma battle”#and I couldn't even like. process that.#I know when this episode first came out people were theorizing that there was more to the situation than we knew but like.#there isn't. the rings weren't swapped. astruc talked about it on twitter and basically just said that intentions matter.#so marinette just. trusted that her intentions would matter. I guess.#which also just kinda nukes the stakes in my opinion#to tie adrien's life to an object is a really interesting high stakes scenario#but to go back on that and say “but only when someone is intentionally trying to kill him!” is like#oh okay . so. just like for any normal person then.#anyway im just trying to write a particular scene right now and having a lot of trouble incorporating the fact that canon marinette#would just break adrien's amoks no hesitation to get an akuma out#like. I dont know. maybe I am not the character understander. but I feel like marinette wouldn't do that.#just me I guess.#like. many of us were thinking about how adrien not knowing he's a senti is a major safety risk#because he doesn't know how important the rings are#man could get really angry at his parents one day and smash them#he could decide to melt them down to make something new#he could lose them somewhere#anyway. I never thought that his rings would need to be protected from . marinette .#but I guess like. as long as no one is TRYING to release adrien's amok then ? the rings CAN get damaged randomly ???#this lore is so confusing and I hate it#auagh.
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🙁☹️
#crosscode#UGHHHHHHHHHHHH#c'tron#lea crosscode#UGH.#can you guess what game im playing and what part of the dlc im at rn#haha#🙁☹️hah#☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#i like him i like that autistic man..... 💜💜💜💜💜💜 UGH#im grunting because its a really good game. and i havent processed everything that happened yet. so im just grunting about it#ill have more articulated opinions when the dust settles in my brain#art i made#☹️#everyone thinm about ctron ok#for me ok
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all together, from lineart to final render!
thanks to everyone that helped me with choosing stuff, definitely looks better with a tail than without
im really thinking about doing a second version with the dreams version mae
#nitw#nitw mae#nitw fanart#mae borowski#night in the wood mae#night in the woods fanart#night in the woods#mae#digital art#art process#my art#davidzochi art#digital artist#digital illustration#character art#furry#furry art#?#nobody has told me if this counts or not as furry art but i am going to guess it does#really considering making a second version of this mmmm#the dream parts of the game are so cool and the colors are great#it took a while but is the first time i have draw a character like this?#so i think is pretty good#im happy with how it came out#happy pride month to everyone and to myself too#trans artist#i read a post saying artists should reblog their own works more...#i should remember that#im rambling here
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i told you that i love you, please believe me
#i kinda wanna make more amvs on the women in these games bc they dont get the attention they deserve#also since they are written in fridges ive seen a lot of people disregard them and be kinda… misogynistic :/#i think their relationship resonates with me bc ive been in a similar situation in my prev relationship#but also i get how kiryu rejected her and needed to move on#it was heartbreaking (and lowkey embarrassing) when her dad was like GO AFTER HIM#i think depression is a beast and its totally possible to fall out of love with someone you were very much in love with at one point#not tryna say HE was IN LOVE with her#but that was just my situation i guess#idk this whole amv is motivated by guilt and i feel like im projecting a lot ejfjdjndfjks#but i like how this part in the game kinda shows how familial/platonic relationships can be just as or even more imprtnt than romantic ones#or at least to kiryu he holds his relationship with daigo and morning glory closer to his heart than with mayumi#i just make these amvs to process some emotions… if it resonates with anyone thats very cool and i love that#but idk this is just a very personal piece to me :’)#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#kiryu kazuma#madarame mayumi#amv#gmv#yakuza#yakuza 5#yakuza edit#uh oh
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Rewatching Slugterra lately, I find it has such untapped potential. I understand it is meant for younger audiences, but if it were instead for from young adults on, it could have truly turned out beautifully, and I'd just like your opinion on that.
First of all, Eli as a character could be much more layered, conflicted and interesting. We have this hero burdened with a legacy he doesn't even fully know the details of, seing the world in black and white terms, but realizing his father operated in a grey area at times, and struggling to understand his own place in all that. Darker sides of him would for sure surface at times, including self doubt which is hardly ever explored.
Also, the dynamics within the gang and its members themselves could have been much more complex. Racism and trolls for example, the whole idea of Pronto leaving his kindgom behind, and some backstory for Trixie which we didn't have. And about that, I honestly think it would be natural for her and Eli to get involved sooner or later. Too many interests and traumatic experiences shared, adding to the fact that the Shane gang would hardly casually go on dates with other people when busy literally saving the world. I see them having something similar to what hiccup&astrid have (I'm referring to the httyd franchise) in a near future.
Also, countless other characters have such great potential in terms of more mature storylines. For example giving Twist a redemption arc, exploring all the shadiness about will shane, the balance between business and darker interests for Black, just to name a few. I also find the Game Master a very interesting character, potentially taunting the gang in a squid game fashion.
Besides, slugs are well and good, but what about real harm? Ghouls are more powerful, but would Black go as far as using them to kill people?
I also find the whole idea of legacy, for eli but also for many of his antagonists, very intriguing and potentially leading to complex plots.
There are definitely so many shows out there, but I definitely feel like, if slugterra was meant for older audiences, it could really have been something, I'm talking Hunger Games-like fame, which was liked by both teens and adults. Other shows similar to Slugterra don't have the same potential imo. For example, Storm Hawks doesn't have that many realistic premises (the binding of capitalistic interests and darker deeds for one). I already mentioned it before, but I find it could have been as known as how to train your dragon (a cartoon liked by basically all ages, each group of which grasps different levels of complexity): the bonds between creatures and their riders/slingers are there already, as well as a tight-knit group having each other's backs, with a gentle giant, a comic relief, a badass no-nonsense female second-in-command, and a reckless protagonist male character (I know many would hate this idea, but I find Junjie's character pointless in a situation where so many other things could have been explored before going to the other side of the world).
Since you seem to have so many interesting takes on slugterra generally, I would like yours! Long message I know, but unexpressed potential taps right into unmentioned things.
Long rants how I missed thee-
also, swears near the end becase I started ranting lmao
Anon, all phenomenal points, that are on point.
Eli is one of those characters who, in my opinion, had a lot of right to get like, extremely angry and lash out justifiably on several occasions, for multiple reasons.
Kid needed, and quite frankly needs to be an angsty, moody, angry at the word teen but was essentially forced to be an adult.
And you may argue yes, Eli made the choice to follow through and take The Drop at 15, but you also kinda have to acknowledge, he like every Shane before him, for as long as they where acting as protectors, was basically groomed to become Slugterra's Protector from a young age.
Said it once, I'll say it again, Eli is justified to have a crash out, and even pull a Spider-Man and quite being Protector for however long he wants, till he genuinely wants to go back to being The Shane. If at all.
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The relationship and dynamics of the Shane Gang are important and im tired of pretending it's not.
Four very different individuals, a Moleinoid, Cave Troll, Human male and Human female, all live under the same roof, all with different experiences, issues, baggage, and stories as to why they ended up the way they are.
In less than a month they are living together, and it's only hinted at briefly in the first handful of episodes that the shift to all of them living at the Hideout was difficult. They have clear house rules about what not to do in the house, the food preferences the building of small team tradition like a big dinner before an important mission, and so many other little things.
I mentioned briefly in another older post, but you can only take so much living with the same people for so long, no matter how well you all get along. Hence, all the pranks.
Pronto clearly has some self-worth issues, hence his need to be the center of attention.
Kord relies on being the tech guy, because if he's not that, than what is he?
Trixie, while I lover her, her need to film and make it big one day as a real director and not a Slinger implies her want to leave something tangible, and real behind so she is remembered as more than just a Slug Slinger or a member of the Shane Gang. To be more than a foot note in history like many other Slingers.
Personally, while I ship Eli and Trixie, I also do just enjoy them being platonic best friends, as i genuinely love good, well-built friendships with members of the opposing gender without romance, especially since romance was not the focus of the show.
hot take, but romance for the sake of romance is shit and can ruin a character especially if it ends up becoming a main focal point and fuck up a character, especially the 'woman' in the relationship.
[I love HTTYD, it's awesome but the Race to the Edge ep Mi Amore Wing pissed me the hell off because of what it did to Astrid.
While yes, season 5 and 6 had a focus on Hiccup and Astrid's relationship, and how it affects not just them, but the team a whole, something that was carefully developed, but having Astrid becomes self conscious, insecure just because her relationship with Hiccup isn't all lovey dovie was like Mala and Dager's, causing her to act like a brat while they where dealing with something arguably more important, in the middle of what's essentially a war and race to find the King of Dragons was stupid and just drama for the sake of not explicitly having it. it was such a dumb reason for Astrid to be angry at Hiccup I'm sorry. like I get it was also about Hiccup needing to be able to pay attention to the people in his life, and not zero-in and hyperfocus and communicate, but there where just so many better ways to do that,- ]
Not to say I hate romance or no to it entirely, or the idea of Eli and Trixie becoming cannon/getting together. it, like everything needed to be handled carefully, and not rushed, trauma bonding be damned
That's why Aerrow and Piper's relationship felt so organic and natural in Storm Hawks, it was never the main focus, but it was hinted at, the affection was there, and real, and had a purpose. Because yes, a relationship in any story needs a purpose outside of just 'getting to together to the sake of getting together'. Romance outside a romance Story has to have a meaning, hell even Romance's in a Romance have to have substance, out side of the pairing being lead boy and girl, boy and boy, girl and girl or so on and so forth. And while Eli and Trixie have chemistry, it very surface level to me, nothing that tell's me they care about each other more than friends and teammates. but that's just my interpretation of their relationship.
But yeah, the development of their and the rest of the Shane Gangs relationship as a whole is important. And I wish we had more-
And FUCK YES- RACISM BETWEEN CAVERN RESIDENTS- its real, it's so freaking real because of stereotypes and preconceived notions- HOLY FUCK MAN- CONFLICT!
Don't get me started on Twist and EVERY OTHER MINOR VILLAIN/CHARACTER-
Twist's redemption would have been grate as the seeds were planted with the looks of hesitant on his face. I have mentioned it before with him being the Azula to Blakk's Ozai but give him Zuko's redemption arc. And would elevate his character. for me at least I don't know about others-
More and more Blakk Industries workers and highered marks slowly realizing Blakk is a nutcase who had become obsessed, and trying and failing to leave.
Game Master is Jig Saw but rated E for everyone.
As a Caustic main in Apex Legends, and a Toxzon from MaxSteel(2013) sympathizer, I have a special love for Blite.
And just, so many other minor villains/antagonists in the show who, quite frankly where done dirty, like Saturday and his Smoothie obsession. The show introduces so many cool characters but doesn't use them to their fullest of potentials.
And a lot of that has to do with run time, and them making more specialized characters than the story necessarily needs, and giving them complex stories and concepts without the proper help that is minor exploration of the character threw showing up again.
we see this in Storm Hawks. it's a fairly large main primary cast, for the main hero's you have 6 of them, 4 main villains, and serval minor supporting secondary characters and antagonists that all make reoccurring apparencies, with tertiary characters who appear once to fulfill a particular role, for a given storyline that they can't reasonably exist outside of. Like Princess Perri.
Slugterra's problem is that all its secondary and tertiary characters can exists out of their debut episode and relevant story lines, and have reasonable excuses for them to be present in almost any episode.
Also the noticeable lack of 'villain focused' episodes/segments. Storm Hawks had an episode dedicated to the Cyclonians, multiple scene with them to build of their characters, and dynamics as well.
sure Slugterra had it's villain scean's, but they where not all that insightful outside of a few instances, and didn't serve much of a purpose, outside of showing some details, some of which where never followed up on. like Twist's hesitance.
thus leaving a lot be desired in terms of character development and world building. especially when you have to deal with a PG/Teen rating to maintain.
You can very much to talk/reference more mature topics and dynamics with media like Slugterra, and have it be able reach all preserved age groups, while still being tasteful about it.
(don't ask how I know this, I just watch a lot of old cartoons, read a lot and know a weird amount of random shit-)
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Junjie is love, Junjie is life, I cherish my emotionally unstable Champion of the East, but I fully understand your point, because I'm similar with Tad Blakk. That being said;
Junjie in a lot of ways mirrors both Eli and Twist.
Eli for obvious reasons and Twist for his desire for revenge against the Emperor, as compared to Twist's desire for revenge against the Shane's. Junjie, like Twist, let's his anger get the better of him on a few occasions during the first Eastern Caverns Arc of the show. Do the others draw him back to his senses?
Sure but he has his moments. If the Gang was not there to keep Junjie in check he would be acting impulsively, and making dumb choices, just like Twist. and yes, Twist make's dumb, impulsive choices, even if we see him like, three times-
love my disaster boiz, but DEAR GOD THEY ARE TRAMATIZED IDIOTS
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Blakk as a character has always been my favorite.
for the simple reason being he came from nothing. and made a name for himself. and the best part, he kept his fathers name and the insignia of the Viggo Dare. The two men who treated him like shit, and out did them in both Slinging, leading and Business, keeping both name, Blakk, and insignia as a massive fuck you.
he became better then them, but also way worse, and I love that for him.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am a villain apologist/sympathizer
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but yess, Anon thank you for sharing! your points where very interesting and I very much so enjoyed reading and overanalyzing it, and everything else!
as always, floor is open to the opinions of others in the community to discuss, add to or just talk about in general!
✧˖°. ⋆。˚(✿ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)。・:*˚:✧。
[read tags]
#slugterra#bajoterra#slugterra headcannon#a rant i guess#this is kinda incoherent#long post#ask blog#ask me anything#ask#anon ask#this post was scheduled#I took intro course to Psychology- Sociology & Anthropology in High School#and have a special interest in psychology because im weird#[I would have studied it in college but I AINT DOING AN EXTRA 8 YEARS-]#and clearly I let that- my own experiences and things i've learned influence the way I process and view the things I like#on top of that ive been a part of fandom from a young age so things like character breakdowns and deep dives in fic's were common#especially the weird as shit ones that where OOC#I am a repressed intellectual and I can get existential sooo#and no i will not elaborate on being a 'repressed intellectual'#oh boy- sorry about the blab on romance- Shadow Hunters(the books) fuking traumatized me#It was a modern fantasy Romance type thing and holy hell a lot of its relationship drama was stupid and Claire and Jace where not it-#It says a lot when the cannon side gay relationship that broke up- is better the the main cannon straight one#just saying#call me the controversial-mage lmao#:)
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wait larry is played by ben stiller who was also derek zoolander 🤣🤣🤣
larry: *sees octavius's tiny roman temple* "what is this?! a temple for ANTS?!"
Sorry anon I couldn't bring myself to draw Larry destroying the Roman diorama. He just looks down on it instead.


#you fooled me into trying to draw that. and it looks bad. I wasn't going to bring out my watercolors for this tho#also I had to watch zoolander to draw this#it's ok because I was going to watch it anyway. you just sped up the process#it was a nice movie but so frustrating at parts like i wanted to punch the actors. so great job at acting I guess#ask#anonymous#answered#night at the museum#natm#natm larry#larry daley#art#fanart#traditional art#roman diorama my beloved#butchered you like that I can't draw buildings
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what is up I'm back, I'm still doing bad due to the unemployment and the horror of having to feed myself into the American human-crushing machine and the fascism, but I'm hanging on!! !!
#robin processes emotions on main#job search is not going well!!#I haven't been this sad and angry and scared in years. I'd go to therapy but talk therapy isn't going to fix this situation#I know there are theoretically jobs out there that I could succeed at and feel good about contributing to. but. scans horizon. haha#my sculptures and my friends r keeping me going. I've got a lot to live for if only I coULD MAKE A LIVING#not to mention. again. resident of the imperial core. I can't just get a job and be content. I gotta work on fixing the world#well at least I have goals I guess.#anyway yeah hello I'm back !#would love to hear about yalls lives btw :'] I wasn't kidding about the What is Up part I just wanted to vent a little#it would be lovely to hear about some mundane or exciting things going on in yall's day to day right now if you want to share <3
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that time of year again — here's an art year-in-review!
and the previous three years' reviews as well:



#em draws stuff#this was an interesting one... definite signs of me having a new favorite brush for big paintings#200% increase in dragons from last year... also I put one thing in here that wasn't digital art for once#there were definitely Better pieces I made in june but I'm really pleased to actually have done something with gouaches that I Like.#also has anybody else noticed that tumblr has changed the file size maximum that you can upload here.#because the past 3 years' files went up fine previously but This Time apparently the images were just too huge.#actually my guess is that that ceiling was the same and the website compressed it down as part of the uploading process#and now it doesn't do that anymore and just breaks the post editor instead yayyyyy what fun
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I think I accidentally uncovered yesterday why my family generally are fine with generative AI, especially when it comes to arts and "creative" matters.
I am (famously) quite bad at taking compliments (though I have gotten WAY better at it, and am actively working on it), and was drawing on my tablet while my parents sat next to me. My mom complimented my drawing skills, following it up with "I can barely draw a stick figure".
(Side note: this might be a me-problem, but I think that combining a compliment with a "comparison to the speaker" gives the compliment a sour undertone, but again, that might just be me. I've seen too many posts and things about "comparison is the theif of joy" or whatever the quote is, to feel comfy with accepting a compliment that essentially boils down to "holy crap you're so much better than me!!" 🫠🫠)
I thanked her, and replied with something along the lines of "it's all about practice, and I have practiced a lot," to which she countered with "no but like, you've always been good at drawing," to which I tried explaining that, like a muscle, I have been drawing and doodling a lot, in other words, practiced, right? I have always had an interest in drawing, which of course helps keeping me motivated to actually get better at it. And if she wanted to be able to draw more than a stick figure, I am certain she would be able to if she did practice (I brought up PewDiePie's drawing videos as an example), but she dismissed it entirely as something she wasn't able to do.
Even though my mother, having an interest in the human body and as a result knowing damn near every single muscle in the body by the latin name because she studied that, refused to accept that I have done the same to get better at my own skill, because, of course, I never went to school for it, right? I don't have a diploma to prove that I have practiced an ungodly amount of hours and watched more tutorials than I will ever care to count.
Being "good at drawing" (and other arts) is (I think) something my family simply believes that you either are born with, or you're not.
And that's where the justification for gen AI comes in, right? Because if arts is not a thing you practice and study to get better at, it is probably, in their minds, ableist to talk bad about gen AI, because "how can you gatekeep expression in art like that?" (My brother once pulled the argument that "well what if someone wants to make a comic and has the story and all but can't draw? Don't you think they deserve to create that comic in other ways, then?" to which I have never been more confused because what the entire fuck do you think other comic artists did to achieve that in the past, my guy??)
I eventually gave up when my mom kept asking me to "just accept the compliment" but I haven't quite been able to. Because if the compliment is just regarding something "I had since I was born", what has all my practice been for? Why have I "wasted" all this time trying to get better if I was born with the skillset I have now? Why is the compliment directed at me if my parents were the ones bringing me into this world? Shouldn't they be patting themselves on the back for bringing such a creative spirit to life?
#anti-ai#i'm tired#my mom has a tendency to compliment things that are un-changeable too so like it is also very unfortunate phrasing#on her part#and I have tried to explain my unfcomfiness about this to her before but I think she's forgotten that#like yes compliments about my eye color and height and whatever are cool i guess#but if you compliment *the way I did my makeup* or *something I worked hard to achieve* or *something I made* it makes more sense ?? no???#like bestie YOU gave me those eyes or height or whatever I had no CHOICE IN THE MATTER#idk if this is just my undiagnosed neurospicyness reading too much into the situation but#discussing art and creative endeavours with my family is infuriating at times lmao#i tried to explain MULITPLE TIMES yesterday that drawing is all about making sense of proportions and patterns#and yet she tried to shoehorn in the compliment as if drawing was some ancient chosen-one power I had somehow aquired#instead of listening to me explaining that “well I've looked at tutorials about drawing shiny things and this is how I think about it-#-and just mess around until it works because 'trust the process' is actually really solid advice“#i also feel like it just reduces all the work and thought I've put into learning and bettering my skills to-#“well you didn't even have to work that hard bcs you were born with it”#*astronaut meme* maybe it was Maybelline all along#I need to fkn move out I'm so tired of this#tove rambles
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BEE LORE DROP ?? (and wonky analysis that magically links to shadow the hedgehog somehow)
I was spurred by @lenacethemenace so here we go !! looooooooooooong ramble time with a fine serving of bee lore !
(fair warning for anyone, I do touch on the topic of being bullied - not too extensive on details, more so a personal reflection)
in short, in the linked post I was just expressing my gratitude for coming into the fandom at a time in my life where I can think critically on characters and storytelling without being majorly delulu about it - SPECIFICALLY with shadow. I'm glad to be here now, as opposed to the kid I was nearly ten years ago and we'll get to why in a minute
for now, if anyone isn't all caught up on my very brief history with sonic, I was introduced to the sonic and sega racing games when I was around this age (10ish). it was something my dad, my sister and I played a lot. in the habit of playing so long and trialling characters and their vehicles, you eventually land on a staple, right ? one you always gravitate to. my first solid, I believe, was tails. but somewhere along the way he got quickly phased out for none other than shadow the hedgehog
idk what the logic is behind picking a consistent character to play at this age. was it aesthetic ? stats based ? (I genuinely think it's instinct and is telling of people's personalities imo) but once I picked shadow in the og all stars racing, he became my number one from there into all stars racing transformed and THEN team sonic racing 7 almost 8 years later. so when I tell you I got into this fandom late, I mean I got in LATE. but my reason for that will take us on a sidetrack so I won't get into that just now lmao
SO. FLASH BACK to 10 year old me. I want to be embarrassed of this little goober but she was struggling to deal with some strife so I'll lay off, I know her pain now. 10 year old me was... troubled to say the least. I was super sensitive and therefore very reactive. one of my best friends was actually my bully and often manipulated my best mate (of 15 ?? years now, I still love her to shreds), put us down... it wasn't flash, but I'm not fussed talking abt it bc I've done well enough to heal and/or understand how that's shaped me today, so !!
(I'm getting somewhere, bear with !)
I didn't understand a lot of what was happening at the time of course (you never really do until years later, I fear) but I, like I said, used to be very reactive. my emotional control was pretty low at times and I'd often lash out in response to how I was being treated (aka not very seriously, being teased and bullied - I HATED not being taken seriously). are we,, seeing some similarities here or-
another side track but definitely related, during this era of my life I was a massive star wars girlie and guess who was my fkn favourite fictional loml : anakin skywalker. of. fucking. course LMAO. and iykyk, but misunderstood character with near limitless potential, fading into a colour scheme veeery similar... ARE WE SEEING THE LINK (I screech, like a deranged conspiracy theorist, stretching my strand of red string from one pin to the next)
so. character with poor emotional control, susceptible to anger, sulking and brooding, misunderstood by their peers, manipulated at some point ....... GIRLIE WHO ALSO FALLS UNDER THE SAME CRITERIA ??? I think I state my case
being that emotionally attached to anakin (unable to realise my attachment was due to the reflective nature of me onto his character and vice versa and NOT whatever the hell I used to think as a 10yo kid), makes me realise how devastating it would have been if I'd ever gotten into sonic and by extension shadow, thoroughly
can you imagine if my troubled preteen mitts got a hold of shadow 05 ??? *cue the apocalypse* not only would there be heavy projection involved but I fear he would have suffered the same treatment as anakin : utter infatuation. see, I'd cringe at 10yo me, but I refuse to cringe at being a kid who hadn’t yet worked out their issues OR the fact they're on the aroace spec. point is, shadow wouldn't have been safe and the notion of that makes me upset. fortunately he was safe by the time I finally, properly discovered his character at 17
anyway, here I was saying how happy I am to have come into this fandom when I am older and wiser. sure, shadow is my blorbo, and I see a lot of myself in him still (and I feel anyone should be able to connect to certain characters that way, that creates engaging storytelling), but it absolutely would have been disastrous if I had I known his lore earlier. I'm also glad to be able to separate myself from The Character and can enjoy the media they're in objectively and view it with a better developed media literacy
shadow is a character I gently hold in my hands without crushing his windpipe if that makes sense. I love and cherish him in a way that's more mature than my obsessive, validation/comfort seeking preteen self. he's just a good character, nuff said :)
I feel like there was something else I wanted to add on, but it's late, I forgot and this ramble is long enough as is lol
congratulations if you read up til the end. this is probably one of the biggest lore drops I've done possibly ever
anyway, some pixie dust for your travels bc ily and it's wild out there 🩷✨️🤏
#bee blabs#won't tag specifics bc this is more a personal post than anything lmao#should I tag this as bee lore ???#guess I am now#bee (luv-again) lore#this might be one of the most in depth posts I've made abt my past ever#no joke some ppl who've known me for years still find me an enigma bc I never talk abt my history#but hey !! step by step I'm getting more comfortable with sharing :D#(that in itself is part of the healing process i find)#weeee anyway ty for letting me ramble lenace !!#now it is half 1 in the morning and I must sleep
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it's kind of sad the way that fic writers will tag sexual assault 9 different ways and in specific chapters write things like "read the tags they're very relevant in this chapter!!!" and generally act very bashful/ASHAMED of what they're writing and then you read it and it'll be a one or two paragraph textual mention of a past relationship that had a horrifying power dynamic. not to say the brevity takes away from its weight on the narrative, often the whole fic is about this one past relationship. but it's just it'll be tagged like everything is happening right before our eyes. then it hangs ominously over the narrative and is never fully detailed. it's like they can barely stand to write it and then barely tolerate publishing it. it feels like watching someone poke at an abscess. like it's your body but i really think you should lance it or leave it alone, you're driving me insane.
#idk i have sympathy i have so much sympathy it's just irritating because it's sad in a relatable way i guess#i can tell that this thing is sitting on your chest & i can tell that you're very uncomfortable w it yet still attempting to engage w it#this is all part of the process#but i feel like you're 1 conversation with an understanding peer away from being able to confidently verbalise these things in your writing#and i wish that for you. so so much.#because then i can meet the full force of this horrible thing you want to tell me#and that will make me very very happy#adam yaps
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