#it’s only the second day of ramadan and i’m STRUGGLING

[karinasbaby]

oh my god…. vampy prince blonde jake.. i’m so ill. kayla im genuinely about to start tweaking istg

omg omg stella I have to tell you this!!!!! but I started writing the vamp jake fic and oml I'm obsessed already 😍 I already know it's gonna tug on so many heartstrings and I'm absolutely here for it 🤭🤭

oh nO KAYLA YOURE OUT FOR BLOOD ⁉️⁉️ vampy jake that’s gonna tug on so many heartstrings HELLO no one is ready my beloved kayla please 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

no bcs the love i hold for vampy jake.

[evelyne-am]

24th March

Day 11

I am the worst, last night before Ramadan I did my fair share of partying. Barely did any work (actually I didn’t do any), stayed up sort of late again, and woke up feeling like absolute shit. Dragged myself to rehearsal today. It's the first day of Ramadan. I really wanted to fast but I told myself that I will see how it goes during rehearsals, if I really need water I will drink it but today I was 100% sure there was no way I could fast. I was fairly Sleep deprived for fourth day in a row and dehydrated. Maybe not in so many details, but I got called out on it. (When I arrived I had gone early so I could work on the little bit of the song that I had left to compose, but I see that on Fridays the admin people do not come early to let us in; so in front of Sir I was struggling for notes I made something on the spot and of course he understood). It was a backhanded compliment actually, everyone has kind of been drooping especially now that we have a more choreography based play, the fourth version that I think is now pretty much the final. but Sir says, Armeen was the one working hardest, and even she has lost it. I feel a bit shit. What is wrong with you Armeen why are you losing your focus after seven days only ?. This is exactly what you wanted in your life: a fully consumed fully immersed purpose that goes beyond fame and recognition and all other things. The Grammy involvement m, the post pandemic gigs, it was all amazing, but it requires someone very centred and focused to deal with that level of being out there. And I was not at all centred and focused. That is my goal for the year to be more ready for when big and little things happen and this is exactly what I wanted. But my old self who is a bit used to indulging is giving in. Rehearsal went okay, we’re in the Friday room, the small room. But today it doesn’t feel that bad. Sir actually went to a meeting for the second half mostly, so I guess there’s a bit of breathing space for us to correct things without fear. We improvised a whole new scene before he came and he seemed okay with it. Lots of choreography to remember, I can’t tell you how much I’m loving the choreography. doing physical things with my body is really something I enjoy, I don’t get to do it that much through music because I’m so focused on the voice in my head and remembering lyrics and music tunes, but there is something about physically remembering your cues in your physical role in a visual thing which is so new for me and I love it so much. We haven’t done our physical exercises in awhile, and today sir Did tell us that our posture and awareness are drooping so we did a little bit again. The team complains to me about my drinking diet Cokes in the break. And I say I don’t even like it I actually despise the taste of Diet Coke but is the only bit of caffeine that I can actually ingest in my body because I don’t do coffee and I don’t have time to make cup of tea. The breaks are so short and these days getting shorter as I have tasks to do before I go for my bit of fresh air. I’m just about to get up and walk about the field (Fridays we rehearse in the ground floor room in another building so break time is right next to the field of ShilpokolA) when Sharm hands me a cup of tea she made for me. That gesture melts my heart

We are very slowly progressing through the play but everything is having unique music and the director looks at me at the end when I apologise for not having prepared this song he told me to. He says that’s okay he took a day, you will work tonight yes, I say yes of course.

I’ve already planned a small personal life social thing, and I really want to do it so I quickly get myself up so that I am able to pull through the night. I did a really long walk at the park and even took a 10 minute swim and hairdo. Took a nap and towards the end of the night I’ve got a few of the technical work things done. I still have not done anything majorly creative of my own accord. And I plan that I want to have more space to do that, my weekend i.e. my Sunday night and Monday day I thought I would do social thing, but I’ve already done them this week so I decide to keep it open, I have Coca-Cola on Saturday so Sunday and Monday I will work a bit more on the music. i’m still sleeping really late and waking up barely in time for rehearsal, not that healthy but for some reason my body is getting used to it and I’m not struggling as much as I did before. But I’m really glad it’s Ramadan, it puts me in a mood, and I attempt to actually do a water fast tomorrow which means I only drink water and nothing else. Thanks for reading daily, I know it’s a lot of mundane things. I think I will try to summarise once a week too.

[theverynext]

I'm Myassar Ramadan from south Gaza, I am 33 years old, l have 3 daughter's

Kinan 11.5 years old, Seba 9 years old ,and Mariam 4 months.

I live every day war,with saying this the last day we live according to the amount of destruction and fear, a feeling that can only be described by those who live it.

War is very difficult, as I lost part of my family, my home and my kittens.

I return to study after 12 years and work hard to take high degree to be a dentist .l work in crochet field to collect money for paying fees for my university because it was my goal to continue my education.

After the dream become true ,the war came and I lost everything in a second.

Also, my mother has been suffering from kidney failure for years and needs dialysis 3 times a week.

Because of the war, she suffered from going to the hospital in danger and long distances.

I had many dreams that I wanted to achieve and succeed and become a dentist.

All we wanted was to survive the war. We were forced to be displaced more than 10 times at least.

We suffer a lot from the tent as we lived the summer with its extreme heat as it is made of poor quality nylon

And from insects and diseases

And now winter has come and we are drowning in the tents and the extreme cold

We fear death every day, we love life

Your help by donating even a small amount is able to save my life and my family's from death

Every €15 or €20 will contribute to saving my family

https://gofund.me/8fa0f896

Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #134 )

I feel deeply for the people in Gaza and the overwhelming struggles they’re facing right now. While I’m not in a position to provide direct help, I’d really encourage anyone who can to donate to reputable organizations that are working to bring relief on the ground. Even a small contribution can go a long way in supporting those who need it most during this difficult time.

[espressokiri]

Hi there. Another Muslimah here.

Hope you don't mind me sending you an ask. I read your fic about the BNHA boys with a muslim s/o. It was really good. I loved it so much. (There aren't many fics like this, which is a shame cause we like fanfics too. So this was very refreshing. Thank you.💚😉)

Could you do one for the Haikyuu boys, specifically Tsukishima, Kuroo, Sugawara, and Bokuto. But only if you want to, of course.

Hope you have a great and productive day.

Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsurou, Sugawara Koushi, and Bokuto Koutarou x Hijabi!reader

In which reader is a hijabi Muslim.

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Notes: You're welcome to send asks anytime <3 I may be slow at getting through them but I will make sure to get them out! Thank you for being so sweet anon <3 I hope you enjoy this one! ^^ I’m sorry if it seems bland as I was slowly losing ideas.

Tsukishima Kei

His eyes would constantly drift to you during class hours, lips twitching into a smile as he would watch you struggle with the assignment sheet given during history class.

Would take that as a leeway to make conversation and help you out.

"Tsk, can't even do a simple history assignment?"

Just sits down next to you and points out what you did wrong while helping you out.

Flinches his hand away and mutters a sorry if your hands accidentally graze each others.

He knows how strict the dating rules were and he admired it, thinking it was a safe way to keep them away from harm and heartbreak.

Becomes your unofficial tutor just to spend more time with you.

Has the urge to flick your forehead most times when you purposely tease him.

Is worried when he sees you zoning out in the middle of class during Ramadan, you have to convince him you're fine and that you're getting your studying done despite the odd sleep schedule you've created.

He'll give you a small box of his favourite treat, strawberry short cake, randomly throughout Ramadan because he knows you crave more sweets during the days you fast than regular days.

He calls you a masochist when he finds you watching cooking/baking videos while fasting.

Will stop by your house to drop off pastries during Eid for you and your family because he wants to peak at you all dressed up as he's only seen you in your school uniform or in casual but modest fashion.

He feels a sense of security, enjoying the aspect of getting to know someone with no sense of rush.

Kuroo Tetsurou

He's such an awkward nerd please.

Wants to approach you but fears he might accidentally offend you due to his provocative nature, hence resorts to staring at you from across the room.

Would research more about your religion and would use that as a way to start small talk;

“Hey, uh, I was wondering how do you manage to pray Zuhr when you’re in school? Isn’t it bad that you have to miss it?”

“Oh uh, I usually run home as soon as I can or pray in my club room if there are meetings, my club members are very understanding.”

“Oh... I see.”

“That’s pretty cool of you to be concerned, Kuroo-san.”

Cue him asking you random but wholesome questions with genuine curiosity.

“Did you know men who oppress women are considered to not follow Islam? I find that really nice that women are equal to men in your religion!”

You smile at him and his interest in your religion.

Study sessions in the library because you both wanted to spend time with each other but he knows it is wrong for a male to be alone in the same room as the opposite gender so you both opted for the library where there are lots of people.

Gasps and immediately looks away when you unravel the scarf around your head to fix;

“Y/n! You can’t do that!!”

“I’m wearing an underscarf calm down.”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatic male but smiled at his respectful nature.

Ramadan? Catch him ruining his sleep schedule just to have movie nights with you through the phone and Netflix Party.

Kenma teases him about it because Kuroo used to yell at him about his own staying up late gaming obsession.

Likes it when you wear a cap on top of your hijab, he thinks it looks cool on you.

He’ll convince you to skip school during Eid if it falls on a school day, telling you that it’s important that you spend at least the first day of it with your family. 

Overall, he’s the type to keep up with the Islamic calendar and learn new facts daily as he asks you to explain each and everything about your religion and lifestyle.

Sugawara Koushi

See’s you for the first time with Kiyoko when he went to excuse her from class for managerial duties.

Smitten from first sight.

Begs Kiyoko to let you be her assistant manager.

He keeps a distance from you during your first introduction and conversation because he didn’t know what you were comfortable with.

He was in awe to find out there were sports hijab when he saw you sporting one to play a short game with an over-enthusiastic Hinata.

“Here, stay hydrated.”

Hands you a bottle of water along with a towel, a newfound respect for playing in hot weather conditions fully covered. 

Due to the chaotic nature of the first and second years, Sugawara would run to cover your eyes with his jacket or hover his hands in front of your face whenever Tanaka would rip off his shirt to swing around whenever he spiked.

Sugawara had to stop himself multiple times from clapping his hand onto your shoulder, resulting in him just smacking either Asahi or Daichi when they mention him almost touching you.

Outings between you two is always monitored by the third years, Asahi smiling proudly at his friend Suga while Daichi and Kiyoko would sneakily take candid pictures of you both.

“What’s one verse you hold dear to your heart?”

You look at him from the warm mug of drink you are holding, tilting your head as you look at him in confusion. Sugawara felt the tips of his ears go red at the cute expression you held, and explains his question.

“Ah,” you thought long and hard before giving him an answer, “ ‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear...’ I find that part of the verse very reassuring in times when I feel like I’m overwhelmed.”

Sugawara held onto every word, finding the beauty behind those words, he felt at peace. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He smiles.

It felt like he was more excited than you for Ramadan.

He would read out loud the Japanese translation of the Quran after you read out the Arabic words in a beautiful and soothing voice. He wanted to understand and learn.

He was hooked onto the peaceful energy the month brought despite life going on normally.

This man would wear a formal Kimono when your family invites his over for Eid, he wanted to make the best impression despite already meeting them in passing.

Suga had a sense of security and comfort around him and you felt lucky to have met someone such as him.

Bokuto Koutarou 

Oh God.

Akaashi had a field day trying to stop him from initiating any and every kind of physical affection when he first introduced you to him.

Bokuto is a man who expresses himself with affection, so he was lucky for Akaashi to explain to him why he shouldn’t initiate any physical affection without asking for what you considered crossing a boundary.

He knows he can’t drag you to the gym to watch him play volleyball by hand, so he asks you to hold onto the end of a pen, which you took, confused as to what the male exactly wants before realizing he was holding the other end and using that to drag you to where the gym was.

It was oddly endearing.

“Did you see my spike, Y/n?! Didya see?!”

“Yes, Bokuto. It was really cool!”

Cue a chest puffed up Bokuto who grinned with pride.

Invites you to eat lunch with him and Akaashi on the roof.

Having to refuse his food because you weren’t sure if there was pork in it or not.

This made Bokuto stop bringing in food that contained pork, not knowing even aside from that, he had to have the halal form of chicken or beef.

Akaashi had to explain everything to him when he asked him once.

Tried to go vegetarian one day, failed the minute he took a bite out of his food.

Feels bad when he eats on days you are fasting, so he tries finishing the meal before you come up to their usual meeting spot, resulting in him giving himself a stomach ache.

Brings you tuna filled onigiri to take home so you can eat it as a snack during the night after breaking your fast.

Sends you spam messages minutes before having to break your fast;

‘Are you excited to eat?!?!?!’

‘What are you having today?!?’

‘If you want to get any snacks later let me know! :D’

‘ONE MINUTE LEFT!!’

He’s so wholesome please.

Wants to skip school with you for Eid, but pouts when you tell him you’ll be spending it with family.

Asks you to send an OOTD pic so he could be your hype-man.

Bokuto is always willing to understand more about you and your religion, making sure to note things in his head for future references.

[belphies-wife]

Hello! I was wondering if you could do the brothers (+Undatables of you can) reacting to MC turning into a troll. Idk how or why. But a troll (like from the movie trolls). I just need a good laugh, thank you. Have a great day.

I apologize for disappearing :( I’ve been really busy with schoolwork lately and Ramadan. The school year will end in a little less than two months, so work should be calming soon after we finish wrapping up our current units and doing our exams <3. Ramadan is over now, so I do have a bit of extra time on my hands. Hopefully, I’ll become more active soon <3. I probably won’t be back on my regular posting schedule for a while, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Here’s a study help carrd if you’re struggling with school/schoolwork or just want to check it out. I love you guys <3. Take care of yourselves <3

Now, without further ado, I present to you:

The Demon Brother’s Reacting to MC turning into a troll

»»————-　♔　-————««

➼ Now, you might be wondering: How and why did you end up in this situation?

➼ Well, to put it simply, you had realized that the demon brothers hadn’t watched many human world movies and were really missing out on some classics.

➼ So, it had become a habit for you to choose a movie for them to watch every Friday night.

➼ Eventually, your movie nights had turned into sleepovers in the family room.

➼ You started incorporating games and snacks.

➼ It became more of an organized event, and everyone took turns choosing the week’s game.

➼ It had been Satan’s turn, and he had made multiple batches of a potion that would cause the first that thought popped into your head two minutes after the potion’s ingestion to come to life.

➼ Well, not come to life. Basically, something would happen to you that had to do with that thought that popped into your head.

➼ The challenge was to keep your mind completely blank for two whole minutes.

➼ And it just to happened the movie you had picked was Trolls.

➼ So, as you can imagine, you drank the potion and attempted to keep your mind blank. You managed to get through about thirty seconds before thinking of the movie you had just watched.

➼ Poof, you were a troll.

➼ Your troll form still resembled you. Your skin tone remained the same, and your hair colour and texture hadn’t changed, other than the fact that it stood straight up.

Lucifer

➼ Humans were fragile enough as is, but now you were tiny?

➼ Do you know how close this man was to strangling Satan? How long until it wears off, anyway?

➼ Once he managed to calm down, he realizes how silly the situation is.

➼ He carried you around in his breast pocket and kept you on his desk while he worked, letting you entertain yourself by watching Devilflix on his D.D.D. If you got hungry, he would sleep you a small cookie and allow you to have a few sips of his tea.

➼ Honestly, he’s probably the most mature about it. He does occasionally tease you for your tiny size, though. And how ridiculous your hair looks.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Mammon

➼ He probably panicked the most out of everyone.

➼ He was full-on yelling at Satan to change you back or figure something out.

➼ When he eventually calmed down and insisted on picking you up.

➼ He refused to let you down on the ground because he was afraid that someone would step on you.

➼ He let you sit on his shoulder and took you wherever you needed to go.

➼ Unfortunately, he tended to forget that you were there and that he had to be careful with you. Otherwise, you might fall off.

➼ He caught you every time you did fall, though, and then apologized a couple hundred times. You’re not getting hurt under his watch.

➼ He tried to cook tiny, you-sized food, but it didn’t turn out well, so he just gave you some of his food and attempted to hide his disappointment.

➼ He found a small box and put towels and tiny pillows in there so that you could sleep comfortably.

➼ Of course, he put the box in his room, so if you needed anything, he’d be right there for you.

➼ The absolute relief he felt when you turned back

➼ It took a lot of convincing to get him to let you play the game again.

➼ Protective Mammon™

»»————-　♔　-————««

Leviathan

➼ If Mammon panicked most, then Levi was in second place.

➼ He wouldn’t let anyone else touch you or pick you up. He’d get jealous if someone so much as looked at you.

➼ “This is just like this one anime I watched called ‘My Best Friend Shrunk and Now I Have to Take Care of Them Until They Turn Back to Normal!’”

➼ He just kind of kept you in his room while he played games. He let you play on his DS when you got bored of watching him.

➼ He got you whatever you asked for and make sure you’re comfy the whole time too

➼ He even shared his special Ruri-Chan snacks with you because he cares about you that much <3

»»————-　♔　-————««

Satan

➼ He thought it was  h i l a r i o u s.

➼ He probably knew how to reverse your situation, but thought it was too funny, so he decided not to tell you until it wore off.

➼ Ohohoho the  s m a c c  that he got-

➼ But seriously, if your troll issue was genuinely bothering or upsetting you, he would have turned you back in a heartbeat.

➼ He also made fun of your hair.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Asmodeus

➼ Oh, this man gets you so many tiny clothes.

➼ Where did he even get them from? No idea. What store even sells clothes in troll sizes?

➼ Anyways, you were probably the most fashionably dressed troll in the Devildom. You were also the only troll in the Devildom.

➼ He absolutely adored your hair.

➼ Also, somehow got his hands on miniature hair accessories?

➼ Seriously, where is he getting this stuff from? And on such short notice?

➼ He takes a million pictures of you and posts them. You go viral on Devilgram.

➼ When you change back, you just have all these tiny clothes and accessories and have no idea what to do with them.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Beelzebub

➼ He was pretty worried about you.

➼ How couldn’t he be? You were so tiny! What if someone squished you? He would never forgive himself if you got hurt, even if he didn’t have anything to do with it.

➼ He was terrified of holding you at first because he was scared of doing something wrong and dropping you or crushing you as a result.

➼ You had to assure him a million times that you trusted him and that you were sure that he would never harm you.

➼ Even then, he was so careful with you that you’d think you were made of thin ice.

➼ Like Mammon, Beel also refused to let you out of his sight and panicked when he lost track of you.

➼ He thought you were adorable while you were little, though.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Belphegor

➼ Does not give a crap™ 

➼ Seriously. He was asleep when it happened and had to have everything explained to him when he woke up.

➼ He also thought it was hilarious and used it as an opportunity to bother you.

➼ “Holy crap, your hair looks like a skinny pyramid.”

➼ He gave you rainbow food and played overly-cheery music, along with the Trolls soundtrack, just to bother you.

➼ He played “Can’t Stop the Feeling” so much that Lucifer threatened to hang him from the ceiling multiple times.

➼ The fact that he was bothering Lucifer just egged him on.

➼ The entire House of Lamentation had that song memorized by the time you turned back.

➼ He probably also made you a little bed because even though he’s a piece of crap, he really loves you and wants you to be comfortable.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Thank you so much for reading! <3

Request a Fic/Headcanon || Obey Me Masterlist

[nolabballgirl]

Skam: Ranking the Sana Seasons

So in light of Skam España’s upcoming Amira season, I thought I would watch all of the existing Sana seasons (Skam OG, Druck, Skam Italia, and Skam France) and give my rankings, coming from the perspective of a cis Muslim woman of color from the US. 

Overall, none of the seasons lived up to their potential, and none really explored Islamophobia or racism is any meaningful way. They definitely could have benefitted from more Muslims (if any at all) in the writer’s room. For example, most of the remakes (Druck did the best here) miss the mark on approaching the main conflict between Sana and her non-Muslim love interest. They even have most Sanas asking a parent or Googling why a Muslim man can marry whoever he wants but a Muslim woman can’t, so I’m not sure if they are trying for some backdoor feminist angle. First, that’s not accurate. Scripturally, a Muslim man cannot marry an atheist or an agnostic either, which is how the Sanas’ love interests are generally coded. Second, for me, the actual question is more of interpretation of faith. Seeing a five-times per day praying, hijabi Muslim woman grappling with following the scripture and then *wanting* to be with a non-muslim knowing that not only does it go against her faith, but that he wouldn’t participate in a huge part of her life (e.g. imagine the loneliness of fasting all of Ramadan by yourself year after year) is the drama and love and heartbreak I want to see examined.  

Tbh, I thought Amira N.’s guest appearance on Lucas Rubio’s YouTube channel gave us a more in depth dive than pretty much all these other seasons combined, but anyway, here we go:

1. Druck S4 (Amira M.) - I really love Amira M. (her spunk, attitude, and incorporation of faith into her life). But, they completely shortchanged Amira by giving her fewer episodes and essentially turning it into the Mia and Hanna show by the end. However, across the remakes, I thought Amira’s story arc and confidence in her Islam was the best depicted so far. 

Amira M. and Mohammed have the best Yousana chemistry. The romantic tension is so palpable. Plus, Mohammed standing guard and not having her Maghrib prayer interrupted was such a thoughtful touch! (in the other remakes, there are always people making out or barging in when Sana is trying to pray). 

All the remakes have shown the Sanas praying, but here we have scenes with Amira reciting her prayers out loud for the audience to hear (not the usual mumble-core), and Tua has such a nice reciting voice (qira’at) :)

Druck didn’t ruin the Girl Squad for me (even though they pretty much gave Kiki a personality transplant to get there!)

But, Druck played this season super safe and did not engage in any *real* conversations with the GS surrounding racism and Islamophobia, so major missed opportunity there! We only had snapshots of Amira dealing with racist third parties here and there, but no cohesive resolution.

Omar and Essam’s storylines really went nowhere. They could have done so much more with these characters and their struggles fitting in to German society. Although I do think the “house party/left behind bottle of alcohol” scene fit better with Essam and his friends vs. having it be Amira trying to fit in with another group of girls.

Like with Skam Italia, it feels like something is missing when one of the Girl Squad members is MIA (here, Mia/Noora), but Druck overcompensated and not in a good way.

2. Skam OG (Sana B.) - Sana is the OG bada$$. I’ll admit it took me a little while to get warmed up to her, but I love how this season showed her vulnerability. I also thought she and Yousef had great chemistry. Plus, Sana and Even friendships are pure gold :)

However, I didn’t like:

the characterization of the Girl Squad and how Sana was essentially pushed out in favor of the Pepsi Max girls (come on Girl Squad - do better!)

the Noora/Yousef flirtation/make out - unnecessary other than to give Noora more screen time. And not a fan of wrapping up storylines with text message exposition...

the Sana/Isak bench scene. Yes, there were some good moments but I didn’t like putting the onus back on Sana to be the one doing all the work and answering all the dumb questions. It’s so exhausting.

the cyberbullying story, followed by Sana messaging William behind Noora’s back - left a sour taste in my mouth RE: Sana’s motives without any great or meaningful resolution (sidenote: props to Skam España for moving this to Eva’s season - makes a lot more sense!) 

3. Skam Italia (Sana A.) - So despite my misgivings with SkamIt due to its casting issues, I was excited coming into this season because I saw a lot of hype on social media. But, it turned out to basically be a carbon copy of the Skam OG season, so it left me disappointed overall. 

Sana and Malik are cute, but...

I really didn't care for the Girl Squad this season, and the treatment felt even worse than the GS of Skam OG’s season 4. The dynamic was really all over the place - they pushed Sana out in favor of the BCU girls and essentially let them badmouth her and accuse her of sabotaging their vacation house. But as soon as Silvia is the one who gets insulted, then all of a sudden we’re a Girl Squad again? Where’s the kindness and understanding? Where are my Sisters Forever?! 

It’s always weird to me when one of the Girl Squad members is MIA (here, Eleonora/Noora was gone for most of the season), so it just feels like something is missing.

Gay conversion therapy storyline - yes, this is an important topic that affects religious households, but there was no in depth treatment to it, like at all. And do I hate that they gave the intolerance storyline to a Muslim family and imam when there’s already rampant Islamophobia in Italy? Yes! But, more so it takes away from Sana’s story. It was more of an excuse to incorporate Martino/Niccolo into S4 instead of developing Sana as a character and having Skam Italia deal with racism and Islamophobia head on. Also, it was a case of another character (Sana) speaking for Luai instead of having Luai speak for himself about his experience and trauma. 

Sana taking off her hijab in Filippo/Martino’s apt - lol...it’s just not realistic.

4. Skam France (Imane) - The worst. Do I need to say more? Okay, I will. 

The casual, unchecked racism jumps out. 

The casual, unchecked Islamophobia jumps out.

Um, Girl Squad - look at what you’re doing, look at your choices. Seriously, talk about ruining characters and ruining a Girl Squad.

Dragging out Sofiane and Manon’s relationship. Totally undercuts the Imane and Sofiane chemistry compared to the other remakes. Yousef/Mohammed would never.

Followed by the Manon and Charles show. *roll eyes*

Someone please rescue Imane. Girl, go hang with Jamila and Lamia. You’ll be so much happier. 

Someone give the Bakhellals their own show far away from here. 

[writingwithcolor]

British Bangladeshi Muslim 21 Year Old

I’m usually a lurker on this blog but, I’ve decided to send in a POC profile - mainly because it’s so rare for me to see someone like me represented in the media. In fact, I’m not certain I’ve ever seen someone Bangladeshi represented in mainstream media 

Beauty Standards 

Colourism is a very big thing still in the Bangladeshi community. My parent’s generation, despite liking to think that they’re very open minded still fall into the trap of the narrow minded view so present in the older generations. I’ve always fallen on the fairer side and as I grew up and developed mild iron deficiency, people would comment on how beautiful my skin was (and some people use the Bengali word for beautiful as being synonymous for fair), whilst my younger sister who is on the darker side but very rarely gets such comments. 

Clothing 

On a day to day basis, I wear casual English clothes or more casual Asian clothing around the house. But, for special occasions where I’m going to be with other Bengali people, I do tend to wear traditional clothing. Essentially, all the women in our house have two wardrobes; one with English clothes and one with Asian clothes. Although, nowadays, the English wardrobe seems to be growing more and more packed. A quick thing - traditional Asian clothes, especially those that are very flashy and embroidered, are heavy and so people don’t tend to wear them that often. 

But - it differs between person to person. My mum wears English clothes around the home but her older sister wears a saree - a plainer saree but a saree none the less. 

Culture 

Culture is an odd one for me because I’ve never felt as if I belonged to either one. Growing up, I didn’t fit into the typical English stereotype because I wasn’t Caucasian and I grew up bilingual. I’d also hear all these bad things about Bangladesh, and the experiences others had around me would mould the opinion I had of a country my family still refer to as their motherland. But, as I’ve grown older and actually started to make opinions for myself, I’ve begun to accept that I can be a part of both, I don’t need to be one or the other. 

Dating and Romance

In my family at least, ‘dating’ is done with the intention to marry. It all remains very chaste - with very little/no physical affection - until after marriage and almost all dates are with chaperones. The only ones that happen without chaperones are those in secret or those happening after the engagement. Nowadays, I feel like love marriages are the norm and most couples meet through being introduced by other people. 

Food

Food is a big part of our culture. In fact, if you’re invited to someone’s house, or if you pop in for five minutes, it’s considered rude to not sit down and have a cup of tea or even to have an entire meal. Food is one of the ways that we show affection for each other and, especially for important days like Eid, food plays a central role. Eating a meal together on a festival day like Eid is one of the few days of the year when all the adults and all the children gather together and spend time together. 

In my home at least, rice and curry is a staple. As Bangladesh is mainly riverine, fish is an important part of the diet. In fact, there’s a saying that if you can’t eat fish, you’re not really Bengali (which makes things a bit awkward for my uncle who is allergic to fish) and in some families there’s a tradition of a new bride cooking a fish curry on the second day of marriage. I’m not sure why, but it’s a thing. 

Home/Family life/ Friendship

I could talk about family for ages … 

My family is on the big side with my Mum being one of eight and my Dad being one of six. I’m one of three, but all of my cousins are considered like siblings - because we were raised as siblings. The familial bond is an important one and it’s often one that’s a burden to bear. For instance, as I’m the oldest granddaughter/niece/cousin I’m called affa by every cousin younger than me (Affa meaning older sister) and this burden is quite a heavy one to bear. It means that when the cousins experience any issues, they run to you to sort it out whether it’s something small or something big and it’s a burden I don’t mind shouldering. After all, it’s one I’ll likely have to carry for the rest of my life. 

Everyone older than you is treated with respect - even if you don’t want to respect them at all. For some reason, it’s an important thing.

Friendship between Bengali girls is … something else. Often we’ll break off and have our own conversation in Bengali as if it’s some sort of secret code and this usually comes in extremely handy when discussing secret birthday party plans in front of the person whose birthday we’re planning. Personally, my parents have never been strict that I can’t have any male friends - I honestly don’t think they care but I know of other parents who insist that their daughters can’t have male friends. 

Language 

To me particularly, the language was an important thing. I grew up bilingual because my grandparents lived with us and they couldn’t communicate in English. But, I don’t remember ever making the effort to learn it - it was something I picked up. I certainly can’t read or write in Bengali but I can speak it. However, this ability doesn’t seem to have transferred to my sister and most of the younger cousins. Most of my younger cousins can’t speak Bengali and so struggle to communicate with our grandparents and it’s sad to say but this isn’t strange at all. Many of the new generation British Bangladeshi’s can’t speak the language and in fact, they don’t care to learn it because they don’t see it as being worth passing along. 

Religion

As a Muslim woman, I find myself being constantly policed. Whether it’s by the media or by those around me. There seems to be a misconception that if a woman wears a hijab (the head covering) then she is the epitome of all things chaste and virtuous - but that’s not always the case. There are so many hijabis I know that don’t pray five times a day or keep their fasts or they drink etc. In fact, I’ve met a lot of muslim women who don’t wear hijab but their niyyah (intention) and their behaviour is inline with religion - my sister being an example. 

The basic 5 pillars of islam, the first of which is the shahadah which is the declaration of faith. This is whispered by father’s into their children’s ears at birth and is the last thing whispered into someone’s ear as they pass away.

The daily prayers are the second - with 5 prayers throughout the day and this is something I know many people struggle with, but I personally think that faith is a personal thing - you alone know your struggles. If you are praying 5 times a day and you are ridiculing someone who only prays once, you may think you’re doing the right thing. But for all you know - that person who prays once a day may be someone who reverted to the faith (revert being what we call converts) and they may be on the road to accepting Islam. Your two minutes of ridicule may even turn someone else away from peace they were hoping to find in Islam.

Zakat is the third which refers to giving alms to the poor and this is often done in the month of Ramadan. 

Fasting in Ramadan is the fourth pillar and during this month, Muslims fast from sun rise to sunset and we’re not allowed to drink or eat anything. (And yes - this includes water. Not even water? Is a question we always get)

The final pillar, the fifth refers to Hajj which is the yearly pilgrimage to Mecca. Everyone who is able to afford the trip and can make it, should complete it at least once in their lives. All my family who have been, have said that it is the most peaceful time they’ve ever spent in their lives. 

Things I’d like to see less of…

Muslim girls being ‘repressed’ by wearing the hijab and having a curfew and being secretly rebellious once they leave the home.

 Yes, I have a curfew but mostly it’s because my parent’s are terrified after hearing of all the stabbings and the acid attacks that happen to hijab wearing Muslim women

The overly strict father figure who is unreasonable and adores sons over his daughters. 

My father was on the strict side yes, but I realise now, after growing up and talking to him that it was all shaped on his own experiences. Yes, he might not have let me play in the streets until late like other kids but it was because when he was young, if he stayed out too late the racist teens would approach the Bengali children and attack them. My father was strict, but in the way that other parents in his position will be. (If anything, my mother is stricter … and the worst thing she does is text me a list of chores that she wants me to do whilst she’s at work)

That brings me onto the next point; the mother who stays at home being uneducated and relying on her husband for everything. 

There’s nothing wrong with that - but the issue comes when this character is used to put down Bengali women, to try and show how much better Caucasian educated women are. 

Another thing I absolutely can’t stand is the idea of a Bengali girl falling for some plain, boring Caucasian boy and he removes the wool from over her eyes, teaching her how repressed she was and how she should embrace this Western lifestyle. When a boy tried that on me in my first year of uni, I walked away from him the moment he told me that he has a hijab kink because Muslim girls are and I quote ‘untouched and I can teach them everything’.

Things I’d like to see more of…

Supportive family units. 

Whilst I might fall out with my parents every now and then, as is natural, they still support me. My father and I often head out for little ice cream cafe dates and my mother is teaching me to cook (although her cooking style tends to be put enough of this in and enough of that - there’s no measurements of anything) and my siblings and cousins and I gather as a whole every weekend. Those of us that live close enough to anyway. The 20+ of us that do gather, take over a house and all between the ages of 21 and 5 tend to be unruly and can go crazy but it’s a dynamic no one seems to want to represent.

The educated hijabi. 

Goodness, I can’t stand seeing the trope of a girl wanting to marry and pop out babies and etc - yes, it’s a valid trope but again, so many people use it to show how backwards we are. My eyes are even rolling now - Bengali Muslim girls are amongst some of the most driven people I have met and this is usually because the older women in our families weren’t given these opportunities and most people instantly assume that we’re not going to get far. 

Casual mentions of Islam - religion is a big part of a character. 

But I hate it being a controversial thing especially since Islam literally translates to ‘peace gained through submission to Allah’ and newsflash, Allah is the arabic word for God. That’s it. Why can’t we have characters who have to be home before sunset because they need to pray? Or hijabis needing to go shopping for a new headscarf or even phrases like 'this top would be so cute if it weren’t see through’ or 'if only this dress was floor length and then I wouldn’t have to wear leggings with it. I hate having to wear leggings in the heat’. These are things I regularly say! 

Wooow, this is long and I kind of ended up rambling. But I hope it helps someone! 

Read more POC Profiles here or submit your own.

[chiseler]

Kazan, Covid, Etc. -- Another Amazing Letter from Composer David Amram

Dear Daniel:

Thank for this nice message, to help fill the first day of the New Year with some POSITIVE ENERGY!

I'm so happy that you could see The Arrangement.

It was based on Elia Kazan's book of his own life story, describing  his struggles in reconciling his Old World/New World identities.

If someone could interview me, I can rap out a whole article in 35 minutes TOPS (in sentences and paragraphs) as I have told the stories to friends numerous times since 1969  about all the adventures getting the mistrustful but GREAT traditional musicians  from Greece, Turkey, Egypt and  Morocco into the recording studio with symphony players and even having to have the musicians ask Kazan for his driver’s licence o prove it was really him since they couldn't believe he would come to the Egyptian Gardens on 8th Ave with me to hear them. And how he prepared a banquet of Middle Eastern food and bottles of Retzina wine at the recording studio before we played a note and paid them in fresh 100 dollar bills BEFORE we began recording.

He explained to me hat he understood how they felt because as a child he had come here with his family as immigrants and remembered the mistrust that every one just off the boat felt!

I am so swamped and such a slow typist, it would take me a week to write it all up, and…. I am  swamped, working on my fourth book, a new commission and over 200 e-mails to answer and re-scheduling 20+ concerts which were postponed during to Covid

BUT….You know how much I love Chiseler and all you do so let's find a way to do it!

I can speak on my cell or on ZOOM

The past few months have been a crash course in dealing with the unknown and finding a way to survive and appreciate being alive when so many friends aren't that fortunate. Being forced off the merry-go-round makes us all think and re-think about what we are doing in our lives and why we are doing it. I have had a chance the last few months to have enough time to realize that we are all just like a group of good natured moths floating around a great outdoor lamp, hoping not  to get stuck on any nearby  flypaper as we circle about, hoping to get some of that holy light to shine on us.

i finally realized that  the only way to deal with this addiction is to develop your OWN inner light, become your own version of that  lamp yourself, and shine it on all our other fellow moths so that they can do the same for all their friends and family.

Last March,  I was really  psyched up up  to hear my latest piece Global Suite for Winds, Brass and Percussion, where its world premiere  was scheduled to take place in December of 2020 at Harvard. The university had commissioned me to compose it and had invited me to be  there for  the premiere, which was a kick=off  for a whole week-long series of events in Boston, all to celebrate my BIG 90th .

Since I couldn't even get into Harvard when I applied in 1948, it was a real thrill to be commissioned by them to compose this piece.

I was in the home stretch of completing the final movement last March (three  months ahead of my deadline for the  first rehearsal) when I heard the news that Cyrus the Virus was taking over the world and that all concerts and public events were either being cancelled or postponed for EVERYBODY!. Suddenly all 13  events scheduled to take place over the USA and overseas  celebrating my upcoming 90th were either postponed, rescheduled or were in limbo!!

When people asked me how I felt about  that, I reminded them that when Miles Davis created his masterful 1959 album Kind of Blue, he  named one of his great songs So What.                                                                              

I also mentioned that Robert Frost said, at the end of his life that he finally understood what life was all about . He said…."In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

And as my favorite Scottish 18th Century jazz poet Robert Burns said "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry "

So we have to count and share our blessings and remember the old prayer veahavta lereacha kamocha  (from from Levitcus 19:1819:18), which tells us to love your neighbor  as you love yourself (as well as your own family and friends.).

Every major religion in the world has a form of this prayer as a fundamental for how we should behave towards  one another….. and it's FREE advice!!!!

Because this way of living has no price tag,  that doesn't mean that this advise is worthless

Like most ancient forms of wisdom which have survived for 1000s of years because they WORK, this simple prayer  is PRICELESS!!

So you don't need a badge, a secret handshake, a Guru with a limo, a psychiatrist or a dope dealer to feel good!

This prayer is the basis for what we call The Golden Rule.

Recently I spoke to Sonny Rollins  on the phone.We have known one another since 1955 when I was playing with Mingus and are the same age. I asked him if he was o.k. up in Woodstock, since he can't play anymore and is housebound

He said he was fine, but that all of us were so fixated on the Virus that we forgot about the Golden Rule and that we should devote ourselves to following it each day as our number one priority!! "That's all I think about" he said."We are all just here for a while and then turn to dust. But the spirit lasts forever"

So we all have to all find a way to use this time in a constructive way rather than freaking out with desires of returning to the old AB-NORMAL. The rallying cry of Full Greed Ahead is now on hold, and we are all now forced to slow down a little.

In spite of all the current craziness, the new year of 2021 will be a NEW BEGINNING, just like Phoenix rising from the ashes!!

Cyrus the Virus will soon be in the same solitary basement broom closet along with our now FORMER EX=Shyster-in-Chief.

We can soon all celebrate that they can both finally be ignored as has-beens, stored in  the back of the broom closet of  the Museum of the Deservedly Forgotten

We can all take a deep breath and on New Years Eve sing a verse of Woody Guthrie's classic farewell song "So long it's been good to know ya'

I told my daughter Adira that since I couldn't get a MacArthur Grant in order  to be able to sit at home and compose music day and night, I now am the recipient of the highly coveted Cyrus the Virus Composer's Grant and can sit at home and write music day and night . And I didn't even need to apply for this. So  if we stay the course….in 200 years …..EVERYTHING WILL BE COOL!!!

In the meantime, let's enjoy every precious second of life.

Our best days are yet to come!!!!

With big hugs (properly social distancing, I send you and your wife, Ratso and his wife and the great Natalia and all her friends wishes for  fun celebrating of ALL of the Holidays…….. (Hannukka, Christmas, Kwanza,  Ramadan, New Years, Martin Luther King Day, Chinese New Year,  Puerto Rico Emancipation Day, Lincoln's Birthday.St Patrick's Day, Armenian International Womens Day, and Billy Holiday herself!)

Until our paths cross again,

Naches and Nachos

David (STILL a promising young composer,

in spite of my speedometer assigning me

to becoming a Nonagenarian) ...

[thatssonano]

Hey, remember the research paper about why TV fails to represent female muslims? Well here it is.

Hey guys,

So I'm finally gonna try to write a real little thing about how TV fails to write muslim women. I thought about doing a real research paper and I wrote the introduction and got really anxious because it reminded of my very stressful master degree lol so this is much more simple. Anyways, let's get to it. 

As a kid, I was very hungry for representation on TV. Mostly because I had no models, no one to identify with. As a very introvert and self-conscious kid, I didn't know what to be or what to do. At some point, I started looking up to my sister, very beautiful, very intelligent and very ambitious girl. So I thought "I ought to be like that, that's what a muslim girl like me should be like.” 

Thing is, I wasn't as smart as she was, my grades were not as good, I wasn't as pretty or as popular at school, and there was not a single box I could fit in. I ended up being the "weird but nice little sister". But I was so invisible everyone would nickname me "Sarah 2" (my sister's name being Sarah.) And you know what? For the first time, I felt like I existed. Because I was "the little sister". Dude, how sad is that?

I was too white for them, not muslim enough, too weird for them. So obviously, it was tough to pave a way for myself when I was the only girl like me. 

The first time I was finally not nicknamed was when I got into college at the age of 17. Only because we didn't choose the same college. And I understood I didn't have to be as smart or as ambitious as her, I understood that I didn't have to get the life she had when I was 22. 22, guys. 

I'm turning 26 in one month. And I chose my own life. But God, how much time it took me to realize that there wasn't only one type of "the muslim girl"? 22 years.  

I'm not saying that to share about my life or whatever, I just want to show the consequences of not having representation on TV. And for sure, many people don't care about representation, my sister doesn't, my brother doesn't. But I do. Maybe that's because I'm hypersensitive, maybe that's because I believe art should mirror reality. All I know is that it's necessary for many. 

I met Sana Bakkoush on a random fan video about several fictional couples on youtube. I didn't know Skam then but there was this second in the video where I would see Noora and William staring at each other or whatever, and there was this beautiful hijabi girl in the back. I had to know what this show was about. So I did my research and binge-watched it. With much luck, I got to the end of the whole show before episode 3 of season 4 came out. So I learnt to grow with Sana, I fell in love with her, and I just felt like I could understand her. I was her. I finally was validated with her. Up until episode 5, all was well. And then,… it just broke? Still today, I'm trying to understand how they could let that happen and I guess there's one obvious reason. The writing staff was white. Julie Andem is white. And to me, if you're not from that community, you should not try to write about this one. 

As the plot thickened, you could feel like it was unbalanced, incoherent, and that many things didn't make sense. But that's pretty normal, because if you don't live the problem, you can't understand. Now I won't curse Julie Andem for not trying, but I guess what should have been done was to hire a muslim writer. And God, people can't tell me it's too tough to find. Even if it was not Iman Meskini's job, she could have asked her. God, this girl taught more about ramadan through her ig story than Skam ever did. 

Now I'm not saying she didn't do us all dirty when she gave us 9 episodes instead of ten and it all broke us on June 17th 2017 (Yep, this day is a national holiday now). And honestly, I've got not one good explanation for this except they didn't feel her story was that important. Unconsciously, I hope, because it would be too evil otherwise.

The reason, to me, that Sana was so many people's favorite character was because Iman Meskini gave her so much realness. Sana was strong yet vulnerable. Everyone, muslims like non-muslims could understand her, and I think she inspired so many people. Her life is amazing, and she's what now? 22. I really hope she gets a Nobel Prize in the future, she deserves it. 

Now let's talk about the others. I think it'd be a bit faster. 

Imane Bakhellal. Uhm. Well the main issue is the same, she was written by a white man. So obviously, it was 1. wrong. 2. wrong. 3. wrong. The story barely focused on her faith and whenever we'd see her pray she'd be interrupted. Look, I've been praying for 13 years and the only times I've interrupted my prayer were because I had just realized I had not done wudhu. Or I was too jet-lagged so I was praying in the wrong direction.  

Thing is, Imane didn't make me feel anything. And it was even sadder, because I am a muslim living in Paris. To me, her story wasn't focused on her, it wasn't even focused on religion or her struggle living between two cultures. I didn't learn a thing. And God, that hurt. That hurt even more when the director didn't acknowledge it was poorly written and was actually proud of it. It hurt that white people get the right to write our story and we're there, not having any voice. It sucked. But I guess, she had ten episodes, right, even if the last episode was within the same day. 

It didn't really bother me that she kissed him. The speech she recited did though. I got really frustrated about it. How hard would it be to find a muslim writer? Honestly, I would have been glad to join them, even as a volunteer. 

I'm not actually mad at the actress, I guess it was just a reflection of her relationship with islam. And I know many people got the representation they wanted, but to me, it remains poorly written. To me, it remains hypocrite because they don't get it. Being a muslim woman of color in France sucks sometimes. But having at least her story focused on her would have been great too. 

 Ok, let's move on. 

Amira Mahmood. I love her a little less than Sana, but I mean come on, that's understandable, right?

Amira is strong, she's beautiful, kind, smart. And her season was going well, until it wasn't anymore…. Because, well, it ended. I keep on wondering why it happened and I came with no logical answer. So maybe it was lazy writing, maybe it didn't matter to them, maybe the writers were just tired. I don't know, honestly, I don't know. But it pissed me off bad. (Honestly it was the third character I was let down on, lol, it started to be a lot to handle). Also, the other seasons were so greatly written, they had depth and understanding, it was soft and beautiful. And to me, season 4 just felt… lazy? Sure, I loved Mohammed but the Australia plot wasn't even that important it actually got fixed over text? And how hard would it be to find exciting plot for a muslim character? What? Everything should be about kissing, hair and sex? Well, no. I mean, I would have loved to see her actually working, I would have loved to see her actually bonding with her dad, I would have loved to see her at a boxing game… The summer and fall after I graduated high school was a very hard time to me, mostly because it was a time of discovery and transition. Everything was changing. God, they should have explored that more. So I don't know, I just felt detached then, and I think that's more sad, actually.

But I do believe the actress did a great job, and I wish Tua all success. 

Shall I give a little paragraph on Nadia from Elite? Hell yeah I'm going to. Well, the show is focused on sex so, I mean, are we even surprised the writers did this to Nadia? Not really, but we're still mad. Again, it was written by white people; who focused on all the stereotypes people spread about muslims. The strict dad? Check. The very quiet and invisible mom at the mercy of the dad? Check. The muslim girl who does not actually know why she's religious and only follows her parents' footsteps like a sheep because islam is just way too strict so no one in their sane mind would ever venture in such a religion? Check. The hunger for having white friends and doing the same? Check. Falling for a white guy and giving up everything she ever "believed" for him? Check. I hope the writers heard about what people had to say about it. 

Honestly, I know some would say "there are muslim girls like this". Well, ok. But what about us? We've been invisible to society for years and years. I grew up without having a single fucking idea about who I was and I just always felt like I was the odd one out. Too white, too Algerian, too muslim, too girly, too boyish, too into traditions, following too much her parents' rules… Well, growing up I just decided, I will never be enough of something, because I’m a little of everything. So yeah, some muslim girls do that, but some others don't. And we want to see these girls too. We want to normalize their way of life, so they can just live. And we want them to have the same screen time than the rest of the cast. And we want them to have exciting plots too. 

God, I've been smothered by the fucking veil debate in France for weeks and weeks and I couldn't breathe anymore. That's why we need visibility. To be acknowledged. To erase ignorance and hate. To create a homogenous society in this globalized world where everyone is different and it is okay. Because as long as your liberty isn't in danger, then the other can live as he wills. 

To finish I guess some of you would be like “if you’re so eager to criticize the work of others, just write your own story” Well I did. I actually finished one scenario in French and I have just started one in English. But how can I actually make it into reality if I don’t know anyone in the business bold enough to work with me on it? 

Honestly if you've read all of that, congratulations, thank you so much, love you all, peace out. 

I didn’t write everything I wanted but I believe it’s long enough already lol. Be safe, well and kind. (that’s what Bob Morley says and he’s a king).

[qaraxuanzenith]

On Representation: A review of The Tyrant’s Tomb

It’s still too early to go to sleep and I have nothing better to productively do, so: time for me to rant angrily about representation.

IMPORTANT WARNING: this will include some (probably minor?) spoilers for The Tyrant’s Tomb by Rick Riordan. Since I’m pretending it’s a review of that book even though it is really just my angry thoughts about representation that were prompted by it. There will also be (definitely minor) spoilers about a character in Rick Riordan’s Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard series.

Edit: this rant is long, in addition to the spoilers, so please (but actually, please) read it after the cut.

Okay. First of all: I enjoyed The Tyrant’s Tomb. I’ve been loving the Trials of Apollo series, and this is no exception, and I’m excited for the next book. But.

I have ranted, a lot, about representation before, because I so rarely see Jewish characters in books not written exclusively by and for Jews, and even rarer do I see observant Jewish characters in any media not created exclusively by and for Orthodox Jews. And obviously, I want to feel reflected in at least some of the mainstream media I consume.

The important preface to this rant is a quick review, though I have discussed this, too, before, of the intense pleasure and pain brought on by reading the character of Samirah al-Abbas in Rick Riordan’s Magnus Chase books. Samirah was almost, almost, almost the Holy Grail of “observant religious character” that I had described, almost to a T, of what I am constantly seeking in media: she was a major character, whose religion was a major part of her life in tangible ways throughout the books - from wearing her hijab, to observing modesty in her interactions with her fiance, to performing heroics while fasting for Ramadan - and yet who was characterized well enough that her religion, while inextricably an important part of her life, wasn’t her entire character, either. It was beautiful; it was magnificently done.

And it broke my heart. Because God knows observant Muslim people have deserved Samirah for so long; but her existence on these pages only drove home to me that what I was looking for was possible and yet, impossibly, I still didn’t have it. Samirah was fantastic, but she still wasn’t the representation that I was looking for: I wanted, and still want, those traits, but for a Jewish character, in whom I can see something of myself. I want Samirah, but I want that for me, too.

Flip ahead a couple years (and a few more representation in media rants) to me picking up and reading The Tyrant’s Tomb. I’d pre-ordered it in the summer, while ordering a few books as a birthday present to my sister, and promptly forgotten about it, so when it arrived, it was like a delightful gift from Past Me.

I started reading, and I was so, so excited when the character of Lavinia was introduced, right near the beginning of the book. Right away, Riordan telegraphed that she was both Jewish and queer, with the Magen David necklace and her interest in a female dryad. I was primed and ready to both love her and see myself in her.

And then I was let down.

Now, before I dig deep into the many ways in which Lavinia was a complete and utter disappointment, I want to offer an important caveat, referring to my preface about Samirah. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m castigating Riordan for trying, when so many other mainstream writers don’t. At least he made her canonically Jewish on-page, rather than hiding behind a Jewish-sounding last name and then declaring it to be the truth off-page (looking at you, Rowling and Anthony Goldstein). At least there is a Jewish character in his books (looking at... almost every other mainstream YA fantasy series I’ve ever read not written by Jews).

But the thing is, we raise our expectations of people based on what we know they are capable of. I’m a teacher; a level 3 “Meets Expectations” is going to look different for my academically-struggling student who is working really hard to improve, as opposed to my bookworm student who started the year off by turning in a long and erudite personal essay.

Most of those other mainstream YA fantasy writers, I don’t have any expectations of. Whereas Rick Riordan, the man who created Samirah al-Abbas: I know exactly what he is capable of. Which is why it hurts so much more that, when it comes to a Jewish character, he falls so strikingly short.

I’ll be fair: I wasn’t expecting a second, Jewish Samirah from him. That wouldn’t be reasonable. I would like that, someday, from someone, but that will have to be in someone else’s book; it wouldn’t make sense for Riordan to retread the exact same ground, and I understand that.

And Lavinia didn’t have to be observant - as I’ve recognized, he already has Samirah for that. But I was hoping, expecting, for her to be something more than Jewish In Name Only. (Strike that: she may have been Jewish on-page, but Riordan never even used the J word. He wrote around it. Why? I don’t know. Presumably not just to disappoint me.)

So what’s wrong with Lavinia? And how could he have done better with her?

Great news: I’ve got a bulleted list to help with that, starting with the simple and working our way up.

To start with: her last name. I’ve been going over and over this dozens of times, and I still can’t quite work out why, for his one Jewish character, Riordan decided to give her the last name of one of the most famous Jewish speculative fiction writers, and then (a) never once acknowledge this connection, and (b) acknowledge that she shares her name with a famous Jewish... fictional dancer. Why Asimov, if he wasn’t going to say anything at all about the Asimov?

Continuing with her name: her first name. I get that Riordan likes to give Romanesque names to the Roman demigods, but this overlooks the fact that the demigods are almost always named by their human parent; and while Sally Jackson had her reasons for naming her son after a Greek hero, most Jewish parents will give their child a Jewish name, if not the actual name of a recently-deceased relative. But okay. Fine. I wouldn’t want to mess with the thematic naming in the book; but how about a name that evokes the intersection of Roman and Jewish history: Salome, or Salome Alexandra, for instance?

Speaking of that intersection of Roman and Jewish: I’m still too relieved at finding a Jewish character, any Jewish character, in his books, to be offended that this Jewish character ends the book as a centurion in a Roman army, but - she should be. Lavinia should, at some point in the book, have expressed discomfort at the Roman side of her heritage, as it intersects with her Jewish culture and history. And it would have been so easy: throughout the book, Lavinia has problems with authority and with the structures of the Legion in particular. Just once, she could have defended that rebelliousness - honestly or not - with a reference to how the Roman legions once destroyed her people’s Temple, razed her homeland, and subjugated her people with an exile that is still, in many ways, ongoing to this day. Not in so many words, obviously; I’m not asking Riordan to write it the way I did. Just something like “Yeah, well, Roman Legions and Jews aren’t usually a good mix.” Or here’s another way she could have expressed her Roman discomfort: in that conversation about awkwardness. Instead of “You want awkward? Try telling your Rabbi that you’re taking a girl as your date to your Bat Mitzvah,” she could have said: “You want awkward? Try being a Jewish demigod.” “You want awkward? Try being a queer Jew in a Roman legion.”

SPEAKING OF THAT INSANE AND PERPLEXING COMMENT ABOUT RABBIS AND BAT MITZVAHS, I have so so so many problems with that line:

First of all, given the premise that Lavinia as written is very clearly not an observant Jew by any means or interpretation, and does not appear to have any Jewish community ties, it is strange to me that she speaks about having a rabbi. Typically, people who have a rabbi are either (a) observant people who go to this rabbi with religious questions, or (b) community-oriented people who see the rabbi of their community (or another chosen spiritual leader in their chosen community) as their rabbi. Lavinia appears to be neither, so why “try telling your rabbi that...” and not, say, “try telling the rabbi at your shul that...”?

Okay but forget whose rabbi this is: why is she telling the rabbi about her date? Why is that necessary? For those (like Rick Riordan??) unfamiliar with what a Bat Mitzvah is: A Bat Mitzvah is actually the term for a (female) person who has reached the age of religious responsibility in Judaism, and it happens automatically when a girl turns 12 (and for a boy - Bar Mitzvah - when he turns 13). But okay, I’ll stop being so pedantic, and agree that Riordan, and Lavinia, were obviously referring to the party that is commonly held to celebrate this milestone. But that’s all it is: a party celebrating a milestone. Although there is often a prayer service and/or a Torah reading, there is no ritual aspect to a Bat Mitzvah celebration. Other than, again, perhaps the prayer service / Torah reading, there is definitely nothing you would need to inform a rabbi of. You would definitely not be telling the rabbi about your guest list, unless the rabbi is your parent/guardian / the person paying for the party.

But never mind who she’s telling about her date: did you miss the part where I noted that a Bat Mitzvah is for a girl turning twelve. Speaking as somebody who has celebrated a Bat Mitzvah for myself, and who has attended many such celebrations as a guest, I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt: you do not invite a date to this event, whether you are a guest or the girl of honour. For one thing, you are twelve. Twelve is too young to be bringing dates! For another, you’re going to a party full of twelve-year-olds, where there will be maybe a prayer service and then a nice meal and then probably a bunch of twelve-year-olds bopping around to some obnoxiously loud music. I get Lavinia’s trying to let us know she was already very gay when she was twelve, but that does not explain bringing a date, female or otherwise, to her own Bat Mitzvah. Just ask the girl as a normal guest and then awkwardly ask her to dance, for heaven’s sake!

In conclusion, that entire sentence made no sense, and it really only accomplished two things: (a) it gave me the impression, rightly or wrongly, that Riordan knows absolutely nothing about Judaism; and (b) it strongly implied, unfairly, that rabbis in general are homophobic, which it why it was so awkward for Lavinia to tell her rabbi about her nonsensical date.

Throughout the book, Lavinia’s big crusade is ecological safety, protecting the nature spirits and the environment, and the homeless people living in the park who would be impacted by the Emperors’ attacks. It would have been so easy to infuse this important aspect of her personality with her Jewishness, by just letting her throw around the term “tikun olam” in that context. It would have absolutely fit with the culturally-not-religiously Jewish air he was clearly going for, and it would have made her seem 10,000% more authentically Jewish to me, with just, my God, two words added to the entire book.

You want another way to make her seem more realistically, three-dimensionally Jewish? How about, oh, I dunno, her one Jewish parent? (By the way: it has not slipped my attention that Lavinia’s one Jewish parent is her father, meaning that except by Reform definitions, she’s not, technically, Jewish at all; just canonically connected to Jewish culture. Are paternal Jews who consider themselves Jewish valid and Jewish? Of course. Am I nonetheless extremely disappointed that he’s managed to water down the Jewishness of his one Jewish character in 20+ books in this additional way? Absolutely.) Apollo showed great interest in asking her about her father, the famous Asimov... dancer (I’m sorry, I still can’t get over that he named her Asimov and did not make a single reference to Asimov; is Isaac Asimov the only Jew he’s ever heard of or something???). She could have alluded to his Jewishness. “Yeah, Sergei’s still mad that I stopped coming to our Asimov family Seders.”

Instead, other than the absurd-and-mildly-offensive rabbi-and-Bat-Mitzvah line, what is the only evidence we have that Lavinia even is of Jewish descent? Ah, yes. The thing that got me so excited in the first place, as - or so I thought - a hint of Jewishness to come: her Magen David necklace. Except of course, Riordan only ever calls it a “Star of David,” because - okay, that’s what Apollo would call it in his narration, and of course Lavinia never said a word about it, despite all the times she played with it. Never explained where she got it from, or why she wore it, or what made it so important to her. So it had no sentimental or cultural value conveyed to the reader. It was just a visual cue to tell us: “Jewish character.” It was as anemic and anodyne a way of making her Jewish as the Menorah-on-the-Mantelpiece trick that I’ve often complained about in TV shows that want to suddenly establish a character is Jewish - except worse, because at least with a Menorah on the mantel, we’ve got the implication that somebody lights it (if it’s a Chanukiyah) on Chanukah. This is just a star, on a necklace.

In conclusion: Lavinia could have been great. She could have been a queer Jewish demigod, passionate about nature and about tikun olam, complex and uncomfortable with her role as a Jewish person in the Legion despite her absolute commitment to helping her friends survive the attack and defeat their dangerous enemies.

Instead, she was a disappointment. She was characterized well, for what she was. But what she was was a girl with a necklace. A queer Roman demigod with a famous dancer father.

I started this rant expecting to call her Jewish in name only. But she wasn’t even that.

Perhaps it’s unfair of me to call Lavinia a disappointment, from how anemic her Jewishness was. The real disappointment in The Tyrant’s Tomb was Rick Riordan.

[junqkook]

What all is involved with Ramadan? I’m a Christian so the only thing I’ve ever really done is lent but it was a super flexible one since I’m Baptist lol. Just asking cause I would love to be more educated on the subject!

:O i appreciate your curiosity and wanting to learn more, thank you! there’s a lot of stuff involved in ramadan, but basically it’s our holiest month and we fast during it! the dates change every year, so every year it shifts back by about ten days and lasts about thirty (it depends on the moon, but i’m not an expert, there’s people that look for the start and end specifically)! from sunrise to sunset we don’t eat or drink; you can’t have anything that goes into your system, so no pills and no smoking, no gum, all that stuff. we break fast at sunset with water and then we can eat and drink whatever we want from then on until sunrise. also included is nsfw stuff, so no kissing, no having sex, and no masturbating during the fast—if you do any of that, it also breaks your fast and doesn’t count for the day (unless it’s after sunset, like with eating/drinking). it’s also required to donate to charity during ramadan! of course, that’s also within reason depending on your own situations; basically just give as much as you can.

of course there’s also exceptions; if you medically have to take certain pills or are sick, or you throw up during, you’re allowed to not fast. for example someone in my family has to take pills for a heart condition and therefore they’re not allowed to fast and it’s completely excusable (by god). when i had surgery, it was on the third day of ramadan and i had to take pain medication for about a month and needed to stay hydrated since i was going to physical therapy afterwards, so i was also excused from fasting that year (but had to make it up later). it’s not completely unreasonable, if you have a reason that you can’t!

there’s a bunch of reasons why we do it! first and foremost, because god asked us to. second, because it gives our digestive system a break from constantly having to work to digest food and drink, and also helps flush out toxins (if you don’t pig out after sunset). third, it helps us learn self control and teach us how to avoid temptations; if you can fast for a whole day and make it through the month, other stuff seems trivial and you can get a better grasp of your impulses in other areas. fourth, it teaches us the struggles that people living in poverty face and helps us be more compassionate and empathetic because of it; we get a taste of how a lot of people live, unable to eat and/or drink whenever they want like many of us are lucky enough to be able to do. we learn what it’s like not having access to food and drink whenever we want some and (hopefully) we become more compassionate to those in need.

i hope that helped explain akhdsjahds there’s a lot more information out there on other stuff that i may not know or may have forgotten to mention! sorry this ended up being so long akhdsjahds

[ayellowcurtain]

I'm kinda pissed of at the moment by today's clip of Imane and the girls squat, so can you save it by having Imane go to Elu for relationship advice. (They are at Eliott's apartment)

--------------------------------------

Imane thought that it was a phase, she and the girls were just in different moments and it would get better soon. But that’s gone now. 

She struggles to stay in the foyer with them, hearing everything she doesn’t feel like listening. It wasn’t a mistake or a drunk move, Manon kissed Sofiane willingly and they were hanging out or trying to see where they could go. 

They have the right, Imane told him they could only be friends. And Manon doesn’t know about it but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. She gets up abruptly, all the girls looking at her, for once seeming to notice her but she doesn’t explain too much, she excuses herself, getting her phone, texting Lucas to see if he still needs help studying. 

When she’s finally out the foyer he answers saying that yes! He needs it desperately but he’s at Eliott’s place. If she’s free he can meet up with her and go back to the flat. 

But Manon might be there soon and Imane doesn’t feel like interacting with her any time soon so she asks if she can come to Eliott’s place. 

- 

Eliott lets her in as soon as she rings the bell, smiling brightly to her as she enters his place. She’s never been there before. When they were friends he still lived with his parents. Imane wants to congratulate him for the new place and ask about his family but Lucas appears, wearing Eliott’s clothes, smiling as well to her, thanking beforehand for the help. 

“So, how it’s Ramadan going?” Lucas asks when they settle on the couch, Eliott sits on the piano stool, smiling. 

“How do you know about Ramadan?” 

“Well, I’m not as dumb as I look and Eliott told me about it.” She looks at the older one and he raises his eyebrows. 

“It’s going...the first few days are the worst.” 

“I can imagine...we can study another day if you don’t feel like doing it now.” 

“It’s ok, the day it’s almost over. So you said you needed help with Biology?” 

“Hm, yeah. Wait for a second, my stuff is in Eliott’s room, he doesn’t like having my mess all around his tidy living room.” They both laugh and Lucas makes a quick stop to give his boyfriend a peck on the lips before heading to the bedroom. 

Eliott is looking at her, as always with such soft eyes that Imane has to feel a little better, smiling to him.

“You’re ok?” She asks and he nods. 

“Yes, I’m very good actually. You?”

“Good too. I was happy to see you there on Friday.” 

“Yeah, I thought a lot about it, about not going but Lucas wanted me there so...You left early.” He raises his eyebrows, worried about her like he used to do when they were closer. 

“I wasn’t feeling good.”

“You feel better now?” She looks at her books, shrugging.

“If you need to talk...” He’s still looking at her, looking for any signs but she doesn’t give it away, listening to Lucas on the hall, complaining about some book he forgot with Yann.

“You two are like a single person or what?” She asks as he appears, sitting back on the couch with his books. 

“Yeah, they can’t live without each other.” Eliott laughs, getting up. “I’m going to my bedroom, if you two genius need anything, I’ll be right there.” He also makes a little detour, leaning down to give Lucas a kiss before he heads back to his bedroom. 

They both make themselves comfortable on the couch, putting the books in between them and the notebooks on their laps. 

“You tell me when and I’ll get you some water or food whenever you can ok?” Lucas asks with an oddly caring voice but he’s looking at his notebook, acting tough. 

“Yeah, don’t worry.” 

They study for a long time. Imane’s phone interrupts them with the alarm going off. She watches as Eliott passes behind her, going to the kitchen, serving water in three cups, Lucas is already slumping on the couch. 

Eliott offers her some water and then he gives Lucas his as well, asking how the study session went. 

“Good, but exhausting.” Lucas manages to say before drinking more water, sitting closer to Imane so Eliott can sit behind him, hugging him by the waist. Imane looks at his arms around Lucas. 

“How you guys do it?” She blurts out, looking at the two in front of her.

“Do what?“

“Manage to keep a relationship.” 

“Well, we like each other...” Lucas says, smiling, trying to understand where the question is coming from. 

“Yeah, but you two are different. Like different personalities, different backgrounds...”

“I think when you like someone, really like someone, you have to try it, to work your way around each other, to fit well and to be comfortable and honest...”

“And be patient, and know when to stop and give some space. Why are you asking this?”

“I’m just curious, is it allowed?” She raises one eyebrow, looking at Lucas who’s got that face that he makes when he’s not buying your lies. 

“You like someone...” 

“No!” 

“Shit, you do! Who is it?”

“Lucas...” Eliott kisses his cheek, pulling him closer, trying to make him drop the subject.

“I’m just curious, is it allowed? I’m your friend!”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes...I am.” For a second Imane thinks he’s hurt by what she said, he even forgot about the supposed someone Imane might like. 

“We’re colleagues.”

“We are friends.” He tries again and Eliott looks at her, agreeing with his boyfriend, smiling.

“You guys are friends.” 

[joonhaze]

Imagine BTS : Not Knowing You’re Fasting

A/N : Fasting around friends who don’t is always a challenge (fasting in general is, anyways) but there’s always some light-hearted moments that made me smile so here’s some inspired by the boys ^-^

✎ _______________________ 

Namjoon

You’d be hanging out in the studio with him as he worked on some new tracks. He’s on a roll, feeling inspired and motivated. You smile, seeing him in his element makes you happy and proud. You stand and pat him on the shoulder, telling him you’re going to the bathroom. “Okay babe.” He’s about to put his headphones back on when he hears your stomach growl ferociously loud. He freezes, and abruptly turns before getting up from his seat. He grabs your arm and whips you around, and you look at him confusedly.

“What are you-”

“Did you eat today?”

He’s glaring at you, but with concern. The grumble he just heard didn’t come from a “few hours without a snack” type of emptiness. His worst fear was you hurting yourself in any way so the thought of you starving yourself made him panicky. “No...?” You forgot to tell him that Ramadan started today, which is why he was freaking out and you don’t know why. He turns off his computer and drags you out of his studio. “We’re going to order ramen and go back to the dorms.” He commands. You pull away and say, “I can’t!” He turns back around, confused. “Why not? Babe, you’re hungry.” “I’m fasting today, Joonie. Did I not tell you?” “NO! NO, YOU DID NOT!”

He sighs in relief before looking back at you. “But your stomach is growling...” You shrug. “Serves me right. I didn’t wake up for suhoor.” “Su-what?”

He puts a pause on his work and sits down next to you, insisting that you explain everything to him. He wants to know more about your religion and this month that’s so important to you.

✎ _______________________

Seokjin

“Baby!” He walks into the room, holding a bundle of snacks in his arms. You look over the edge of the couch from where you were reading your favorite new book your friend had gifted you, and your mouth almost begins to water. He dumps the snacks on top of you and you giggle as he jumps onto the sofa and sits next to you. “I have a day off, which means we’re chilling all day!” He opens a bag of chips and offers you one. You shake your head. “I can’t Jinnie, I’m fasting.” “Oh my God! I forgot that was today!” He exclaims before hurling the bag of chips away. You don’t know whether to scold him or laugh. He brushes the snacks off the couch and cuddles up next to you. “I won’t eat next to you, then.” A few moments later, you hear a small growl coming from him.

“Jinnie, eat.”

“No.”

“Jin, if you’re hungry, you have to eat.”

“I don’t want to eat in front of you, I’m fine.”

You sigh and roll your eyes, knowing his stubbornness isn’t going to let you have this one. A few moments later, you hear a low gurgle at your side and Seokjin squirms in his seat.

“Jin...” You say warningly. But he just shakes his head.

“Nope. It’s not that bad. I’ll wait with you.”

“I break my fast at sundown, it’s still eleven in the morning-”

“Don’t care.”

You roll your eyes and go back to the book in your lap. A few moments later, you hear his stomach growling again and you force him to eat a chocolate bar, much to his struggle and dismay.

✎ _______________________

Yoongi

“Babe, you ready for dinner?”

Yoongi calls at you from over the stove, where he’s finishing up steak and pasta for the two of you. You turn from your place on the sofa to look at the clock.

“Not yet, I still have two hours.” Yoongi looks at the clock and back at you, all while you’re turned back to your book. He leaves the stove to walk over to you and pulls the book from your hand, ignoring your whining. “Wait, I don’t know my page!” “What do you mean you still have two hours? It’s 7:30.” You cock your head, confused as well. “I mean, I have two hours left ‘till I eat...?” Yoongi stares before narrowing his eyes at you, dropping your book to the floor. You whine again before you look up at him, his hand cupping your cheek. He looks concerned, his lips bent into a pout and his eyes soft. “Is this some kind of new diet? Are you starving yourself then eating late? Baby, you’re perfect the way you ar-” You can’t help but burst into laughter at his speech, which causes him to become even more confused and frankly, a little flustered because he doesn’t know what’s going on. “Baby, I’m fasting. Did I not tell you?” Yoongi groans and puts his head in his hands, which gave you an answer. You laugh again, before getting up from your spot on the couch and kissing him on the cheek. Your heart is warm from his words, and you hug him, placing your head in the middle of his chest as he brings his hands down from his face to place them on your waist. “It’s good to know you think I’m perfect, though.” You whisper with a smile. “Shut up, you know you’re perfect.” He mumbles.

✎ _______________________

Hoseok

You were hanging out with him in the dance studio and you and him were dancing to his ‘Youth’ choreography, which was your personal favorite to dance with him. The music stopped and he walked over to his water bottle, taking chugs at a time while you sat on the hardwood floor, on your phone. “Here, baby.” He walks over and hands you a water bottle. You shake your head and pant out ‘no, thank you.’ He frowns. “Babe, you’re literally sweating. You need water.” You shake your head again. “I can’t, I’m fasting.” “Ooooohhh....” He says, unsure of what else to say. You can’t help but giggle at his dumbfounded expression. He puts the waterbottle down and walks over to sit across from you, legs crossed and hands in his lap. “When do you eat?” He asks. “Sundown.” You reply nonchalantly. Hoseok’s eyes however, boggle. It’s only two in the afternoon! “And you do this for how long?”

“Every day for the next month.”

Hoseok’s practically gaping. “Are you sure youre getting the nutrients you need though? I don’t want you going through all your idol work while starving all da-”

“Hobi, I’m fine, okay? I eat at night and before sunrise so I have everything I need beforehand.”

You smile and place your hand atop his, where it still rested on his knee.

“It’s nice to know you care, but I’m okay.”

Hoseok pouts. “I’m always gonna care.”

✎ _______________________

Jimin

“Babyyy~” You groan from where you were laying down on his bed in the dorm. You forgot to set your alarm to wake up for suhoor that morning so now you’re practically dying from hunger, your stomach your worst enemy at the moment. “I’m in here, Chim...” He runs in, happy and sweaty as he jumps onto his bed and cuddles you while you’re under the covers. “Jimin, you stink!” You complain jokingly as he laughs. “We finally finished the choreography for our tour! We have the next three days off before we leave!” You’re about to congratulate him when your stomach growls loudly, causing you to groan and writhe underneath him. Jimin’s smile wipes off immediately and he holds your hand worriedly. “Baby, did you not eat today?” You shake your head, thinking he was talking about suhoor. “I didn’t even drink water...” You mumble, angry at yourself. He drags you out of bed and into the kitchen, making the other members look at you both confusedly. “Eat.” He says, pointing to the rice cakes he got from the fridge and the tall glass of water he poured you. “Jimin, I can’t.” You moan. “Why not?! Baby, you’re perfect the way you are, you don’t have to starve yourself!” You blush and shake your head as it falls into your hands. “Jimin, I’m fasting...” “Oh...” He drags you back up the stairs to his room, leaving the rice cakes and confused members behind without a second glance. He lays down next to you on the bed and cuddles. “Sorry, I didn’t know...” “It’s fine, baby...”

You chuckle lowly under his arms. “The boys probably think we’re crazy for just leaving rice cakes on the counter like that.”

“Yeah..” He laughs, playing with your hair between his fingers.

“Or maybe Taehyung will eat them, who knows-’

“I’ll kill him.”

✎ _______________________

Taehyung

He educated himself and knew about Ramadan, but he forgot to ask when it started. So it’s just his luck that he planned a surprise dinner the first day of. “Baby, I have to do stuff, what are we doing here...” You laugh. He’s blindfolded you and yet, still covering your eyes with his hands. “Shhh...” You can hear his smile in his tone as he speaks. “We’re almost there...” You let him lead you around wherever you are in your apartment right now. He hears your stomach growl lowly and despite the fact that he’s a bit upset you didn’t eat much today, he’s a bit happier knowing that you’ll enjoy his surprise even more. “AAAND HERE!” He removes his hands and the blindfold, and you open your eyes to an exquisite table that was decorated with candles and such. Plates of food were spread out and your mouth began to water. The table was set up on the balcony, giving you an amazing view of the near-setting sun. “Taehyung... I love it, but...” You look at the clock. “I still have an hour left...” “What?” He asks.

You turn back to look at him, a small smile on your face. “You forgot, didn’t you? Why do you think I was up at two in the morning yesterday, shoving rice in my face like a maniac?”

He looks at you, then the clock, and the pieces fall into place in his head. “OOH! I forgot it started today!” He suddenly feels terrible for setting up food early and laying in front of you. “It’s fine, baby.” You smile. “Let’s just sit and talk ‘till it’s time.” You ended up talking ‘till past sunset, and even though you began to eat a bit later than necessary, it was still the best iftar you’ve ever had because Taehyung prepared it for you.

✎ _______________________

Jungkook

“BABY!”

He comes running into the room, jumping atop of you while you lay on the bed. You groan, and slap his arm to get him to get off. You forget that he’s much heavier than you though, so your efforts are pointless. He however, knows this, and laughs at you.

Until you grab at his hair and he shrieks, rolling off of you and you take a deep breath of relief.  “Okay,” He says, propping himself up on his elbows after he’s adjusted himself and his hair. “Okay,” You say back, mimicking his movements and wide smile. You guys are very joking and sarcastic, which you believed makes your relationship stronger. “What would you do if I told you I have two giant bottles of banana milk, a large tub of chicken, twelve cupcakes and a bunch of snacks for us in my bag for us to share during the rest of my three days off?” You cock your eyebrow and smirk, getting the gist of all this. “I’d tell you that I’m fasting, and I can’t eat ‘till sundown.” You watch as his eyes widen, and he stutters, finding the words that can possibly save him right now. “Y-yeah, good thing I don’t have any of that stuff with me right now...” He sheepishly smiles and not-so-subtly kicks his bag off the bed.

-

I’ve wanted to do this for a while, so I’m really glad I got to it ^-^

Ramadan Kareem, Everone!

Sorry I haven’t been active lately! Finals are coming up and I spend more time on twt and AO3 these days. Make sure to stop by my twitter and say hi, I really do like talking and interacting with you ^-^

If you don’t have twitter, the ask box is always fine <3

[nancydrew65]

SKAM Austin Season 2 Episode 8 Thoughts

Well, the tone of this shifts dramatically during my reaction to the last clip of this episode. I am so tired of getting my hopes up for a remake to change problematic scenes from OG and then redoing them exactly the same. It is exhausting and just hurts.

Pretty Easy

Grace is taking her SAT! I couldn’t tell if she was on the section with all the bubbled in answers or if she was on the second section and hadn’t put in any answers. I mean, even if it was the second option, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Luckily, you can take the SAT as many times as you like.

This clip really resonated with me because I was also taking the SAT at the exact same time Grace was. One of those days where the clip matches up exactly with your life.

That effect where Grace got a flashback to Clay when Kelsey touched her shoulder was really cool. But I wished they had also had it in that clip with Daniel earlier in the week, for consistency.

Kelsey is just blabbing on and Grace could not be more uninterested. This clip really serves to highlight Grace’s disconnect from the world around her. I wish Kelsey noticed how badly Grace is doing; unfortunately, all she comments on is how she thought Grace was avoiding her because of the whole Daniel situation. I feel like the past two weeks has been me screaming at my screen for Grace to tell the girls.

Not Tired

It is 3 in the morning and Grace cannot sleep at all. She pulls out her to-do list and goddamn are there a lot of things on there. She’s had to deal with that long-ass list plus possibly being sexually assaulted?? How is she surviving?

So, Grace gets the wonderful (crazy) idea of organizing the kitchen. At some point Eve walks in, wondering what the hell is going on. She tries to persuade Grace to go back to bed, but when that doesn’t work, she pitches in to help Grace, humming a little song.

I think this is my favorite scene with Eve so far in the show. In other clips, she has kind of been annoying or a little rude, even when she was trying to offer help. But in this scene, she is calm and realizing that clearly something is wrong with Grace, does not push her to talk, but just helps her.

Too Extra

Ooh, I have the same sweater as Grace except mine is more of a mustard color! Wow, I’ve been really syncing up with Grace this episode.

Grace once again finds a way to avoid Daniel and goes to sit with the girls. I actually found the scene with her and Daniel interesting because she is not really paying attention to what he is saying and just going along with it. But then he calls her out on it, saying she doesn’t seem like her normal self and we see her trying to correct her response, in an imitation of how she usually is. One of the saddest scenes her I think because it is such a subtle way of showing her trauma.

Oof, Grace bumps into Shay and Shay goes off on her. It is obvious Shay is taking out her anger towards Megan onto Grace. Tyler is a decent dude and pulls Shay away before anything more can happen.

The girls discuss Jo’s love life and support her bold message to the guys she’s been talking to online. Go, Jo!

Then, the conversation turns to Prom. All the girls are confident that Zoya will be elected to Prom court, but Zoya has reservations.

Then Hunter comes walking up. Apparently he told Zoya he would beat up whoever wrote “terrorist” on her locker. The girls encourage Zoya to ask him to Prom. I am still suspicious of Hunter. His first line has never left my mind. If he hadn’t made such a rude statement (I know it was supposed to be a joke, but still…) then I could probably get behind him.

I am so glad they are addressing Ramadan!! Last year, none of the remakes mentioned Ramadan even though multiple remakes were airing at this same time. This year all the remakes have stepped up their game. SKAM Austin, DRUCK, SKAM España, and SKAM NL have all mentioned Ramadan.

Aw, and Grace can’t handle the talk anymore and walks away.

Night

Grace wakes up at one in the morning from a nightmare, I suppose, or perhaps a flashback. Instead of trying to go back to sleep, she starts writing her submission for the essay competition.

Day

Grace is on a writing streak! She is pounding out that essay like there’s no tomorrow. She has written sufficiently more than Noora wrote. Given that we also didn’t get a scene of Daniel writing on the computer, I’m guessing she will write the essay all by herself? I hope so!

Daniel stops by Grace’s house with soup. OK, that is really sweet. I know I am hard on him, but Daniel has been very kind and supportive these past few weeks. I only hope he continues to be once he finds out what happened.

Grace looks like a cornered animal when Daniel shows up.

Hmmm, I don’t know how I feel about this scene. I mean, obviously Grace was not doing OK and Daniel being there eventually calmed her down and she was able to get such much needed rest. On the other hand… Grace was literally yelling at Daniel to get out. This is a scene where a young woman is clearly telling a guy to leave her alone and he completely disregards her. And SKAM Austin portrayed this as Daniel knowing what is best for Grace and so him not paying attention to her is alright. In a broader context, this could be a potentially dangerous message to broadcast. It completely disregards the whole “no” means “no” policy. I think maybe if Grace hadn’t been so clear in not wanting him to be there, the scene would have worked for me better? I don’t know. But Kennedy’s acting in this was superb. I felt all her hyper energy and her anxiety.

Not There Yet

The conversation in the bed started out great, and then turned really confusing to me. Grace sounded like she was angry that Daniel had read her essay without her permission, but I guess she actually wasn’t? And Daniel sounded like he didn’t like her essay, but then he commented that he liked her honesty.

Grace says she has to tell him something, but she isn’t quite ready. Daniel calmly accepts that, thank god. And they say “I love you” to each other, aww. Remember that, Daniel, when you fund out what happened.

Something Happened

I let out the breath I had been holding for two weeks when I saw this clip. Grace can finally begin her healing process.

I think adapting this scene to prom dress shopping was really great - especially as it is the perfect segue into talking about sex.

Wow, I really loved how they had that moment with the shopkeeper looking at Jo and Megan, thinking they were going to steal something just because they are Latina. That hits close to home for me, as a Latina. I have been fortunate to avoid many similar experiences because I am white-passing, but that kind of thing happens to my friends all the time and it sucks.

That was a good little scene with Kelsey, talking about how she wants to be strong and beautiful. She really wanted to buy that pantsuit, but when she saw the price tag, she quickly put it back. Nice nod to OG Vilde who struggled with money problems.

I find it sad that Kelsey thinks she won’t have as much fun at the dance, just because she doesn’t have a date! You will have so much fun with your girls, Kelsey! I would rather go to the prom with Megan, Zoya, and Jo than with Daniel.

And Hunter rejected Zoya. Apparently she was too “different” for him, but he was down to hook-up with her. I knew he was an asshole. I love how quickly the girls go to insult him.

Then the conversation turns to sex, Grace starts getting these awful flashbacks and she has to run out of the shop.

I thought this retelling of the scene was very interesting. In OG, Noora kind of drops a bomb on the girls, saying she thinks she was raped. In SKAM Austin, Grace slowly describes the events leading up to the sexual assault and she leaves it very unclear that she might have been raped. I think both scenes worked in their own way. I liked how slow this one was, but it also had its disadvantages, mainly weird cuts to the other girls’ faces where they had no expression because they were just listening. Those shots were so awkward and I kind of wish they had focused on Grace the whole time because Kennedy’s acting in the scene was so heartfelt and beautiful.

I love how the first things out of the girls’ mouths were “It was not your fault”. That is something all sexual assault survivors need to hear.

The girls go to the hospital with Grace and the whole beautiful montage ensues.

Want My Cousin Back

Grace and Eve are watching a movie when Daniel sends a text tp Grace. Eve asks if Grace has told him yet. So, apparently Grace told Eve about her sexual assault off-screen.

Eve being a little detective on Grace’s behalf is wonderful.

Grace seemed so defeated when she talked about not remembering anything beyond the girl’s green nail polish. I can���t imagine being in that situation and not even knowing what happened. It is too awful for words.

Eve’s little pep talk seemed to do the trick to awaken Grace’s spirit. I know I give Eve a hard time, but she has been amazing and supportive in this episode and I really appreciate that.

I loved her comment about how she was going to kick Clay’s ass. I’m like, girl, you are tiny!! But it’s the thought that counts.

Daniel

Well, fuck this.

I didn’t realize how much I had gotten my hopes up for this scene until I watched it last night. Daniel had been very kind to Grace up to this point and was there for her when she was going through her panic attack. Out of all the remakes, this was the one where I thought they might change up his response to finding out about the whole Clay thing. But I was so wrong.

First off, it doesn’t even make sense that Daniel found out because Grace hadn’t even confronted Clay at this point. It was Noora’s confrontation of Niko that prompted him to lie to William. I don’t know why Clay told Daniel right now.

It is so sad because Grace is finally smiling again and hanging out with the girl squad. Daniel just has to ruin everything.

I didn’t know how they could make this scene worse, but somehow they managed to. Grace told him, she fucking TOLD him she blacked out and didn’t know what happened. And he STILL walked away from her and shrugged her off. I can’t tell you how many comments there were on the SKAM Austin website that were along the lines of: “This was better than OG” or “I can’t believe people aren’t trying understand Daniel more”. I am so pissed off now that I can’t even gather my thoughts into something coherent and pointed. So, I am just going to add an excerpt from @lightsandlostbells tumblr post about this same scene in SKAM France that addresses this: “Fuck this narrative that is constantly putting a guy’s boner feels and manpain above the female lead’s agency, rational concerns, and mental health. Fuck this narrative that is constantly encouraging us to empathize and understand an entitled dude’s emotions and actions, including sexism and violence, while the same entitled dude shows little empathy or understanding for a potential rape victim, a girl whose self-image was damaged by him telling her she wasn’t attractive enough, or a girl who rejects him romantically. Fuck the double standards of women having to understand and empathize with men when they are behaving like assholes but men not having to empathize or show compassion to women, including when they are victimized, by putting aside their own feelings for a goddamn minute.” All credit goes to her for this post. If you want to read the whole post it is here: https://lightsandlostbells.tumblr.com/post/174851088104/skam-france-210-and-211-reaction 

General Thoughts

I don’t have any more energy for this. I could comment on all the wonderful things that happened this episode like Grace finally telling the girls, but it is all overshadowed by Daniel’s awful, inexcusable behavior. Sorry, for the rant. Actually, not really. Because I should not have to apologize for commenting on shitty behavior from male leads that is completely unnecessary for the story and straight-up damaging for young viewers to watch and hold up as their ideal love interest. 

[urfavmurtad]

I feel like I am constantly battling an inner voice. Thanks to ramadan my cognitive dissonance has escalated and I am really struggling. Some days I think it is convenient being the ideal muslimah, aspire to marriage and live a simple life THEN some days I don't believe in Islam that strongly and I just want to go away from it. Whenever I envision myself as an ExMuslim I feel that's not my true identity and I am trying hard to be someone else. Indoctrination is messing with my brain, HELP !

Aw anon I’ve had so many of these thoughts over the years. The thought of coming out to my family–either in the sense of being non-religious or in the sense of my sexuality–genuinely gives me anxiety. Like I think of myself as a fairly mentally stable person, but just envisioning that is enough to make me want to panic, because I know it’d end poorly. Life would be so much easier for me if I just pretended. Even if I don’t believe in a damn word of the religion and even if I genuinely dislike it, sometimes I think–wouldn’t I be happier if I just went along with it? I wouldn’t have to worry about my family refusing to speak to me ever again, or being totally isolated from my community, or being The Family Shame.

It’s a hard subject, and I don’t think there’s one right answer. Ever since I made this account, I’ve talked to a bunch of people who are secretly non-religious. A few are open about it within their families, just not towards anyone else. Those from liberal families are mostly okay; others have been totally cut off. Most are still hiding their beliefs every day in order to avoid family drama if not outright harm, depending on where they live and what their communities are like. Some have left home despite being very young because they can’t take it anymore, others are in their thirties and married to religious spouses and feel like they can never admit it at this point. I know two people who are gay (one woman, one man) who managed to meet and marry secretly atheist spouses. One of them is a lesbian in a marriage with a gay man. No one knows that either is even slightly non-religious or less than fully hetero. Everyone has their own situation in life, and the “right thing” that will make you happy is going to depend upon a lot of different circumstances.

So all I can tell you is how I’ve handled this issue and hope that it’s helpful.

Just a few years ago, I was genuinely leaning towards a marriage of convenience myself and just living like this forever–outwardly pious, inwardly hating this stupid goddamn religion. I planned on never coming out and just somehow finding some gay semi-liberal Sudani or otherwise Acceptably Arab guy, getting married, popping out a couple kids, and just… never telling anyone else about any of it. I don’t hate my parents or my siblings and I don’t want them to hate me, and when I think about everything I’ve heard them say about both gay people and people who leave Islam… it just depresses me to imagine them acting that way towards me. I couldn’t imagine myself happy like that, even if I’m “free”. I felt like I’d end up feeling miserable for making them miserable, even if I objectively didn’t do anything wrong. Because I know that no matter how successful I am in life, if they know that either I’m a lesbian or an atheist–or both–they won’t care. They’ll see me as a failure and they’ll see themselves as failures for raising me “wrong”.

That’s changed a lot since I’ve been in college. My parents thankfully allowed me to live on-campus, away from home, which is not a privilege granted to every Arab immigrant girl. And I’ve had time to sort of figure out my own identity separate from my religious background and separate from my family. I’ve made non-Muslim friends, I’ve found hobbies that get me away from the damn MSA, I no longer feel the need to police every aspect of my life to make sure I’m not doing anything haram. (I mean, I still do that in public, but that’s different. I even somehow managed to find myself a girlfriend (literally one of only two ppl irl who know I’m not straight wanted to date me which must make me the luckiest lesbian alive I think??).

And so I no longer feel like my primary identity is 1) Muslim 2) Arab 3) member of my family 4) member of my extended family 5) member of my tribe 6) Sudani 7) actually me as a person. I think I’ve bumped myself up on that list quite a few positions. For the first time in my life, I can envision a life for myself where, well, maybe my parents never speak to me again and most of my siblings won’t either. And with that possible future in mind, it’s real-ass hard for me to think of myself as yet another Muslimah who’s married with a kid by age 25, with a promising career put on hold to take care of the kids while the husband’s out living his life, posting Instagram pics of her kids, the Quran open next to coffee and a plate with dessert on it, the back of her hijab-clad head, and pretends she’s happy. Like I straight-up don’t want that for myself, even if it keeps the family peace.

Maybe I’ll never be invited back to any of my extended family’s homes in Sudan or the UAE or KSA. But you know what? Fuck it. If I come out to them and they don’t want anything to do with me after that, that’s on them, not me. I’ll gladly take advantage of the fact that they’re paying for my education at the moment. But when I’m done with grad school and I feel like I’m in a good mental place and ready to start actually living my life? I’m okay with giving them the choice between accepting me and leaving me. And I’ve learned to accept that it won’t be the end of the world if they choose the second option, which they certainly will. It’ll hurt but I’ll be okay.

So how about you, anon? Have you had a chance to actually explore yourself and find a place beyond Islam yet? Is the reason why you feel like you’re trying to be someone else because you’ve never been given the chance to have an identity other than your religion, because you’ve been raised to feel like it defines absolutely every aspect of your life and you’ll be empty without it? If so, have you ever tried to fill that supposed “emptiness” that we’ve been told so much about? Would your parents accept you if they knew your beliefs, and if they would never do it, could you ever be okay with that? There’s a lot to think about and I don’t have the answers for you, but I hope whatever you choose ends up making you happy. Even if you pretend to be pious forever and secretly whisper “that Umar tho… he a bitch” in your sleep.

[winteredfall]

I can’t get this “we lost 1500 kids” ???? ICE thing ???? out of my head or wrap my head around it like at some point Trump’s villainy hit a point where really anything was to be expected but this was really not at all expected and I could die it’s so much and lots of things are being so much rn, like, socially and politically it’s really fifty new things to devastate every day, that you are just helpless about and it’s so freakin weird to be in this day and age and be inundated with all that all the time and absorb that while also absorbing the complexities and devastations of your personal life which exist on completely different wavelengths and affect you as hard or harder but in different ways and all of that coexisting with you is so weird. it’s past 3 AM and I don’t know what I’m saying really but Ramadan has me feeling some type of way and well, personally, so, I caught up with a friend today who is only in town for a couple days and we stayed out for hours like pouring our hearts out and it got really emotional and a lot of stuff I’ve not really discussed for years came up and I’m shaking at that, also she half convinced me to go to Rawi this year which is in like 12 days which I’m now a bit manically buzzing about on top of that I have a bunch of future art opportunities/ventures lined up that are really jazzing me out but also I have a potential big life decision to make soon that could impede a lot of that and is stressing me out hard on top of some kinda drastic changes at my workplace that are also stressing me out hard and also I’ve been unusually melancholic about Barca lately and am reading Perarnau’s book about Pep (the second one) which is blowing my mind and breaking my heart and the world cup is gonna end my life and the story I’m trying to write I finally have an actual sense about after so much struggle just to put words together to translate how I feeeeel and it’s the FIRST time I’ve managed this, as story, since 2014 and I could cry. and within all of those things (and more things) are even more layers and microcosms of simultaneous ups and downs and positives and negatives and joys and frustrations. it’s overwhelming how much all these things are at once and how much it is to be alive. yet it can then at times feel like very little and I’ve been there as well. the up and downness in that sense is also so overwhelming to think about. sometimes it feels only like monotony, frustration and depression about certain things. then sometimes it feels like this.