#it’s ok it’s fine i’m doing it for myself so i can get an audience that’s all im not doing this as a job im fine i can do the bare minimum

[nicodwhw]

affirmations for when u have to edit ur art to post it instead of just drawing and doing nothing else because u hate editing:

i love editing photos

editing videos is very quick to do

editing and posting on socials are my favourite parts of art

i’m so so good at editing and creating voiceovers

my art is very organised and easy to edit and keep track of

editing videos does not make me want to throw up and/or die

i love filming my process

i always draw at a table with cameras set up and not on my lap while i watch tv shows

auto-recorded procreate videos are not boring and people love them

i can get paid for my art without having to label myself as a content creator

[verinarin]

HC about Dr ratio with a short lyney reader! (Can be fem or gn or male!! Ur choice)

Can u uh do smut if ur ok with it???

U can Decline this request if ur not comfortable, i understand!

Aaa I’m not going to decline since I need more Dr. Ratio brainrot >:)

Note that I can’t really think about like mini HC so I’m going to give you bite sized fics <3

18+ Cuffs, Fingering (gn reader!)

SFW

Dr. Ratio is a man of science, he’s rational so the idea of magic seems interesting to him. He knew these magic tricks of yours has logical explanation behind it so he would like to inspect it first hand

So from time to time he likes to watch you practice and give his own personal input, like today for example !

He came to visit you in your workshop, you were perfecting a new trick and you wouldn’t mind the criticism Ratio might have, it has always helped you improve your tricks

“If you angle the sword this way it’ll definitely let the audience figure out the secret behind it,” he whispers beside his your ear as he leans down, his face so close to your neck while his arms caged your frame against the coffin like construct of your upcoming magic trick

“Ahh it seems that I accidentally made the master magician turned red,” he chuckles before pressing a kiss on your cheek

NSFW

It’s a normal thing to have him drop by your workshop when he’s free, but he texted you that sadly he can’t come today due to an urgent meeting

It’s fine of course!, to be honest this new trick of yours is kind of complicated and you need someone to supervise you but Ratio isn’t here so might as well take it as a chance to test your skill !

It’s just an easy escape act, just uncuffing yourself with a pin but the kick is your hands are cuffed to your back whilst your body is strapped down into a desk that is also locked

So it’s a double lock situation, first the cuff and then the harness that locks your waist onto the tall desk, to give a helpless illusion, since you are quite short you’re going to look like you’re floating !

Everything was going smoothly until you accidentally dropped the pin you were going go use to uncuff yourself, ahh this is so embarrassing !

You knew that your sister would probably search for you after sometime since you always come home right on time, thank god that is only your sister that’s going to see you at this embarrassing state

You start to relax your muscles let you start to daydream waiting for your sister to come, after almost half an hour heard the door opens ah thank god she noticed you early on, your body is starting to go stiff !

“Ahh siss !, help me out over here I accidentally dropped the pin and now I can’t uncuff myself,” you whine as you swing your legs, ah you don’t want to see your sister face right now

You never heard a reply from her, just the sound of ominous steps getting closer and closer “Ah how embarrassing,”

Oh no….it’s Dr.Ratio

You felt his big hand resting on the harness that straps you down towards the desk, he rest his hand there as he leans towards your ears “It seems you need to practice more,”

“Dr. Ratio please don’t tease me, I’m dying from embarrassment here !,” you whine as you struggle to get myself

“How can’t I where you’re so adorably stupid,” he chuckles as he crouched to get the pin but he puts in on his pocket instead

“Why are you here anyways, you told me you couldn’t come,”

“I just finished my meeting quickly to meet a certain someone and it looks like I’m came in like a rather sticky situation huh ?,” he smirks as he caress your wrist

“Yup and you sir could be my saviour !,” you try to act like you’re perfectly fine, you’re not of course

He just chuckles at your frail attempt at being unbothered about the whole situation “What would I get in return as a token of your appreciation ?,”

“Anything you want?,” you reply, getting too uncomfortable at the suspense

He hold you waist as he presses his clothed erection against you, “Can it be you ?,” he whispers as he leans down beside your ear

“Y-yes just get me out of here,” you whine as you grind against him

“Well I want upfront payment first so….”

“Ratio…”

Oh god he’s going to do it while you’re restrained isn’t he-

With a swift move he slid your pants until your ankle, he crouches before your nether region, his fingers trace your clothed hole making it wet from mere friction, you reply with a whine and a pout he considers too cute

“Yes yes won’t tease anymore,” he huffs before dragging your underwear down and stick his finger at your wet hole

“So tight…” he whispers as he thrust it slowly

“Nghnnn,” you could only hold back your moans hoping it wouldn’t get attention from the outside

“You’re going to let me fuck you like this right?,” he stood up, his hand curving itself inside you while his other hand pulled your cuffed wrist

“Yes,”

[fayeforrosie]

Blooming For You

Part 5

Karina x Fem! Reader

Today was finally the day Karina could confess her everlasting feelings for you, but there's always something in the way

Part 5 to The Only One I Want

Warnings- Swearing, angst if you read upside down with sunglasses

Word Count- like 3k maybe i forgor

“And when I’m with you, I almost feel like I’m a different person. It’s like I can just be myself without the worry of disappointing my audience and those who support me. I’ve never felt this way before, and before meeting you, I would have never guessed I would be able to experience such protruding feelings. So, Y/n... with all of this said... I would love it if I could take you out sometime, not as a friend, but as your girlfriend.” 

Karina stood tall, shoulders high as her chin pointed proudly. She took a breath as her gaze had yet to fall, the corners of her lips threatening to upturn against her better judgement. 

“Um no thanks”, Ningning glared back at Karina, her face conveying pure disgust as her eyebrows dipped lower than her rolled eyes. 

“Ning that’s not helping!” The leader shouted, reaching over to connect her two hands into the youngest member’s shoulders, pushing her back as she almost fell off of the side of the bed. 

Ningning laughed, wiping the fake tears that were apparently spilling from her eyes, pretending to hold her stomach as if her laughter was corrupting her airway. 

“I’m sorry I'm sorry... it sounds great Karina. I know you’ve been practicing so don’t worry about it, okay? Just be natural, who is she to say no to you if you’re just being yourself?” 

Karina took a breath, calming herself down and putting her mind at ease. Ning was right, she told herself, you’ve been nothing but welcoming of Karina ever since she met you. Everything you’ve done for her, from tutoring the idol and supporting her goal to become a fine artist like yourself, to becoming a friendly face in which Karina never had to wonder if you would be there for her as a friend, physically and emotionally. 

So why was she worried? 

Well for one, you are the only person Karina believed she could ever fall in love with. You were almost too perfect to be real, as if Karina were to rip a sheet of paper off of her undusted scrap journal and jot down a list of things that would make the ideal significant other.

Maybe in the past, Karina would leave the sheet blank, unable to come up with any feature or trait that could create the perfect person for her, as she believed that there could be nobody she would fall for, and she will never experience such a thing, but now, Karina is for certain that you are the very, and only, girl that she wishes for. 

“Ok... I’m gonna do it Ning”, Karina pumps her first in the air, lips sealed together in certainty. 

“I believe in you Rina! Go get ‘em!” 

- 

In your art room, sensing goosebumps arise on your skin as you walk over to clothes the blinds of the window, you hum to yourself the rhythm of the faint noise of one of Aespa’s song, Lucid Dream. 

Before ever meeting Jimin, you had seen her face plastered on every building, her smile persisting you in every makeup ad across the street, becoming exceedingly memorable. Nevertheless, you weren’t exactly familiar with who she was as a person, although fans necessarily haven’t a clue on who their idol is behind camera, you were antithetical to those who have her birth chart, shoe size, and coffee order memorized. 

Sure, you’ve seen people doing one of her group’s dance challenge out on the street, or the sound of her songs playing in a local café, however her music was not something you were exactly acquainted to. 

Now, Jimin has become a close friend of yours, visiting you nearly every day, to the best of her ability, and not only working hard to better her artistic capability, but even becoming comfortable enough to come in some days, too tired from work, and simply rest her fatigued body on your arm and make conversation with you for the remainder of your class.  

She had recently found out that you weren’t one to listen to her music, as you enjoyed more Western artists, with the exception of Twice, which she was a bit offended by, so she took it upon herself to introduce you to her entire discography, lasting longer than you’d be fond off. 

When Jimin played the song you were hearing at this moment, it instantly caught your attention, and when she observed the angelic and beautiful smile painted across your face, your eyes squinting in attentiveness, she promised herself she’d work on more songs that would have relevance to your taste. 

The song ended, along with your night, so you waltzed your way to your desk, readying yourself to head back home. Jimin was supposed to come over for a class today, but she cancelled only an hour ago as she was stuck wasting her time at work, her words not yours. 

It saddened you, because candidly you found pleasure in her presence, you enjoy when she is next to you, her soft voice carrying through the light atmosphere, soft music in the background as you soak yourself in the moment. It was something you found yourself looking forward to, and in fact, you sought Karina was only thing on your mind recently. 

You thought of her before you went to bed, snuggling yourself in the warmth of your blanket, wondering what it would feel like if her arms were to just slowly wrap themselves around your waist, pulling you closer to her body. 

You thought of her when you were driving, imagining her in the passenger seat, a smirk displayed on her mouth as she put on her own group’s music, laughing when you roll your eyes and tell her you’ve listened to it about a hundred times now. 

Maybe you were delusional, but you thought of her in ways that a friend, or a co-worker, or an art teacher should never feel for another someone. She haunted you, appearing in your dreams just when you thought you could finally go a few hours free of the girl running circles around your mind. 

And unbeknownst to you, Karina felt the exact same way, possibly in a more obsessive, delusional, love-sick way. 

So Jimin found herself ogling down at her feet as they swiftly moved across the pavement of the sidewalk, her cap atop her head, while her hood rested above it as well, and her mask pulled to the tip of her nose. The light patter of the rain played over in her muffled ears, masking the ringing voices of chatter throughout the street. Karina thought she had hope tonight, as it was raining and not many people would be out in the city, but that was evidently proved to be inaccurate, the constant shoving against her covered arm serving as more evidence. 

As she finally reaches the end of the street, glancing up to see the familiar building she has come to love only a few blocks down, she smiles and rushes over, only to see you walking out of the very door she was running to. 

Her stomach twisted into a bundle of nerves. She isn’t prepared, but it needs to be done, or she’ll go mad. 

“Y/n!” She yells, her hood falling with the intensity of her speed, her poster tucked under her hoodie, sheltering it from the rain that began to pour heavier. 

You turn at the sound of the neighborly voice, accustomed to the sound of it, and you flash a smile before you could even glance in her direction, thinking you weren’t going to see her today. 

“Jimin!” 

“I need to talk to y-” 

That’s when a few men revealed themselves from behind an empty alleyway, their cameras shown proudly in their hands as they hastily began taking shots of the idol running desperately to you. This wasn’t a good image for her, she couldn’t be seen like this. Jimin had always been seen as such an admirable adult by her company, abiding by the rules, doing as they asked, not as a girl who would sneak out often to chase around a girl she was in love with. 

And the public? What would they say when the rumors arise about her chasing a girl in the rain with a giant poster under her hoodie? And if the company releases a statement that she was not supposed to even be out at the moment, and she was disobeying the rules? The public would ruin her. 

It was all too many thoughts at once, Jimin felt a rush of anxiety wave over her body, freezing at the sight of the paparazzi and what they could do to her, so she allowed them to assume control over her, running in the opposite direction of you into the most secluded area she could find, loosing the paparazzi in the process. 

Your smile abruptly dropped, heart coming to a standstill while you thought of what had just happened. 

Jimin was racing over to meet you after hours, dressed silently and reserved so nobody could recognize her, but the camera men knew. She was caught in the act of only talking to you, so why was it such a problem that she had to run away from you? Was she embarrassed to be friends with you? Did she not want the public to see that she was with someone who wasn’t as famous as her? 

Your anger rose, but in spite of that, what got you the best was the overwhelming sadness consuming your emotions. Who were you to think someone so popular and loved would ever want to even be seen with you? And you thought of her in a romantic aspect? Hah! You’re embarresed for yourself more than anything. 

- 

“Fucking bitch, I fucking knew it. Who am I to even...”, you trail off in your thoughts on your way back to your apartment. It was a close enough distance to walk, and for all that it was raining, and you had yet to buy an umbrella for yourself over the years, so your stuck with your drenched hair swirling down bellow your eyes, blurring your vision. 

“Fuck!” You shout, kicking an innocent rock adjacent to your foot. Everything seemed to agitate you in the moment. You couldn’t focus when all you could think about was how the girl you liked was precisely unsettled with the thought of being seen with you in the public view. 

Your phone rang in your pocket once again, and you ignored her calls like the last fourteen times, rolling your eyes when your infuriating ringtone once again pervaded your ear drums. You seriously need some sleep. 

You feel another text from her come through, so you finally had enough and raised the phone from your jeans, entering your password and looking for her contact, and that’s when you notice the numerous texts sent over the past half hour you’ve been apart. 

Y/n i’m so sorry

I didn’t expect something like that to happen

I didn’t mean to run off on you like that I promise. 

It was exactly what you had expected her to send... you scroll further. 

Y/n? 

Please answer

I know you walk home and I didn’t see you holding an umbrella

Are you home safe? 

Please respond

I’m worried

I hope you aren’t mad at me

At least let me know your safe

Y/n? 

You could get really sick

Seriously please answer

I’m going to your house 

Eyes widening, you through your phone back into your pocket and speed down the sidewalk hastily. You didn’t understand why she’d act so worried about you as if she hadn’t entirely ran off on you in response to her own shame. Who does she even think she is? You seriously don’t understand this woman. 

You rush across the street when you finally see her tall figure standing underneath the sheltered doorway. She doesn’t notice your presence yet, so you fix your appearance slightly and walk sternly down to her, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her to face you. 

“What the fuck was that?” You yell. 

Jimin spins to you promptly against her will, flinching at your blaring tone at such a late time, especially when it was her first time hearing you raise your voice to that level. 

She doesn’t know what to say, suddenly caught off guard by your confrontation. It takes her a while to finally digest the scenery. Your clothes and hair thoroughly soaked head to toe, eyes red as she notices a single near fall down to your chin, or maybe she was mistaking it for the rain, it was hard to tell. 

She was saddened by the looks of you, her heart dropping entirely as she thought of how rigorous the walk home must have been. You must be so cold and hungry, if only she could provide you with such things to make you feel better, although you’ve probably already caught a cold by now, unfortunately. 

“I-” she stutters, “what do you mean?” 

You laugh in her face, almost mocking her. 

“What do you mean what do I mean? You completely ran off on me as soon as those guys came over!” 

Jimin notices you are still in the rain, so she pulls you under the small roof before she responded. 

“You must be so sick Y/n, can we go inside first please?” She begs. 

Your eyes squint, wondering if she was only playing with your feelings, acting as if she really cared for your well being. Well, maybe she did, but would she say the same thing with another presence around? 

“Like you care Karina.” 

Jimin flinches, not only at your tone, but the fact that you called you Karina after continuously calling her by her real name even before the two of you became friends. It was like you knew how to attack her hearts in the perfect place. 

“What are you talking about”, Jimin furrows her eyebrows, reaching to hold your arm but you pull away from her. 

Your gaze drops, and that is when Karina can finally differentiate your tears from the rain as you raise your head dismally. 

“You don’t even understand, do you? I was so excited to see you Karina! I always am! I always fucking look forward to when we can see each other! I look forward to our art classes, and being with you, and seeing your smile brighten when you learn something new! It makes me so happy, seriously! But who am I to even say these types of things to someone like you?” 

Jimin is hesitant on which words to focus on, possibly the beginning of a confession, or the last sentence you had dropped like a bomb on her, causing her to furrow her eyebrows in confusion, not understanding what you were getting at. Or maybe she did, and didn’t want to even believe you would think of such a thing. 

“Why’d you run away from me?” You cry. 

Jimins tears are now racing against yours, following them down to the gravel bellow the two of you. 

“Jimin are you embarrassed to be with me? Are you ashamed to be seen with someone like myself?” 

She shakes her head repeatedly but allows you to continue, sensing you weren’t done. 

“And I was so stupid to even think we had a chance together, how stupid of me to forget that you're an idol, and you’d do anything to protect that perfect fucking image, even running away from those who are close to you.” 

Jimin cuts you off before you can go on, sick of the lies spilling from your mouth. She couldn’t handle knowing you felt so wrongly about her feelings. 

“Y/n that’s not true! I’m sorry okay!" She shouts, “it took me by surprise, I always get so much anxiety when dealing with things like that! It doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of you, or I’m embarrassed to be seen around you! I...” 

Jimin is hesitant to finally show you the poster she’d been fostering on the steps, but she thinks back to what her members had told her, and determined this to be the best, and only time she could do this. 

“I wanted to meet you because I wanted to give you this”, she extends her hand out to you, and the poster is a bit wet and unfolded, but you take it in your grip and open it slowly, careful not to rip it. 

Your eyes fall on the work of art she created, a beautifully drawn Lillie draped against a similar Carnation. You noticed Jimin implemented every piece of advice you had given her to create such a preposing masterpiece, not missing how she used your favorite flower, as well as hers. 

And then you saw what was bellow it... a letter. 

Dear Y/n, 

Everything is all so sudden to me. I haven’t known you for too long, but that doesn’t matter, because in the time we’ve spent together, I’ve come to realize that the only thing I need in my life is you. I was so, incredibly attracted to you when I first saw you in that art museum, and you wouldn’t believe the things I did to find you (i hope that doesn’t sound weird, haha). You’ve been the only thing on my mind, and when I’m dreaming, I can still imagine your beautiful smile and soft skin. I’ve never been one for romance, but after meeting you, I know my perspective has changed. And when I’m with you, I almost feel like I’m a different person. It’s like I can just be myself without the worry of disappointing my audience and those who support me. I’ve never felt this way before, and before meeting you, I would have never guessed I would be able to experience such protruding feelings. So Y/n, with all of this said, I would love it if I could take you out sometime, not as a friend, but as your girlfriend.

You hadn’t noticed your tear stains dripping onto the paper until you finally raise your gaze to the awaiting beauty before you, biting her lips like an adorable puppy. 

“Jimin I..”, you’re at a loss for words. Out of everything that could have been on that poster, you certainly did not expect that. After the recent events that had happened previously, your hope for a future with the girl suddenly fled down the drain, nonetheless here you are with a written confession laying in the palm of your hands

You don’t know what to say, you want to start with an apology, expressing how sorry you were for misinterpreting her feelings and pronouncing her the bad guy. You want to tell her how you feel the same, and that you can’t think of anyone else you’d rather be with than her, but the way her lips pouted in anticipation pained you to no extent. 

You walked closer to the girl, reaching for her slippery hand and taking it in yours. Everything is telling you to kiss the worried look right off her face, diminish any negative thoughts she may be having, and so you pull her closer by her hand, now placing your other on her cheek. 

Even in the darkness of the night, you can nonetheless perceive the instant flush in the girl’s cheeks, and that’s the last thing you can see before you close your eyes and lean forward, connecting your lips to hers. 

Karina’s wintry hand rose to the back of your neck, pulling you impossibly closer to her body. You release your grip you had with her other hand, now placing it upon her waist to steady yourself. 

Her lips glide against yours with ease, its pillow-like feel easing the dampness of the rain droplets everlasting on her lips. You feel Karina smile as you continue to kiss her, and you do the same, appreciating such a moving moment between the two of you, admiring how it could be the possible start of something beautiful. 

It’s not until a while does Karina pull away from you reluctantly. 

“You're all wet and freezing babe”, you smile at the pet name, “let’s get you upstairs and into some comfy clothes.” 

You smile and nod, agreeing to follow her into your complex, trailing behind her back with your hand in hers as she opens the door to not only the entrance of your apartment, but hopefully the beginning of an irresistible, and beautiful bloom of a relationship. 

~

The long awaited last part ☹️

im rlly sorry for the delay guys, i know that it took a while :(( but i hope you all enjoyed❤️

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- Start Of The Take Me Home Tour

2013

Part 29

23rd February- London O2

“I got this, everything will be fine” I say to myself in the mirror while my hairstylist/makeup artist Erin is putting my hair half up after spending the last few hours doing my hair and makeup

“Of course you’ve got this. Your going to be fine”

“It’s just the last time I was on tour Alex…”

“I know, but he would want you to carry on doing what you love. He’s here with you, I can feel it” Erin says finishing up “and we are done” just in time as well as there’s a knock on my dressing room door. Charlotte walks in with my clothes rack

“Time to get dressed, 5SOS have just gotten off stage”

“Ok thanks” I give myself one more look in the mirror, take a deep breath and let it out “everything’s going to be fine” I say one more time to myself before taking my pill and washing it down with some water. I take my first outfit from Charlotte and get dressed, meeting up with the boys back stage

“5 minutes” I hear a stage manager yell

“Alright?” Harry asks

“Hmhm” I nod smiling, but I’m honestly so nervous, more than I was during our first tour.

Soon enough I hear the intro to the tour and hundreds of screams. The start of Up All Night begins and we walk on stage. Annoyingly my inears aren’t working so I have to take on out so I can actually hear Harry before the chorus. I notice Louis also doesn’t have his in so while Zayn is singing both Louis and I quickly run off stage to see if the techs can fix the issue.

“Hello!” Harry shouts into his Microphone “we are One Direction and it’s and absolute pleasure to play for you today” as Harry talks Zayn hands me a water bottle “thank you so much f’being here”

“Thanks” I say to Zayn opening up the bottle and taking a sip of water

“We can see everyone!” I hear Harry shout

“Want to say that any louder?” I say to Harry

“Oh shush” Harry sticks his tongue out at me so I stick mine out back

“So mature” Zayn says shaking his head “so the next song we’re going to do, I’m not sure if any of you know it, it’s called One Thing”

“Come on O2. I tried playing cool….” Liam starts while Harry and I are dancing stupidly making Zayn laugh

“Shot me out of the sky. You’re my kryptonie. You keep making me weak, yeah frozen and can’t breathe” 

“Somethings gotta give now, cause I’m dying just make you see that need you here now cause” I point to the audience who shout ‘you’ve got that one thing’

“Let’s here you O2!” Liam shouts.

“Everyone having a good time?” Niall asks “good stuff. Right the next part of the show is the most important part of a One Direction show. Let’s look at Twitter. Ok so we’ve taken in some of your questions and we’re gonna answer them here and now in the O2 Arena”

“Where’s cookie? YN I think this one’s for you” Zayn says. The boys all look at me waiting for an answer

“She’s with my friend Emma while where on tour. When we’re in Birmingham I’ll get to see her” I reply to the question

“Ok this one’s for me. What’s your favourite song to play on the guitar?” Niall reads “I think it’s a remix of what makes you beautiful and I’m sexy and I know it”

“Which Disney movie do you prefer?” Liam reads of

“YN will watch any” Harry laughs

“Hey I have a favourite”

“Don’t we know it Nants ingonyama bagithi baba” Niall sings

“And is Cookie is in the building you know she’s getting lifted up”

“Ok well what about you boys?” I ask

“There’s a few classics aren’t there, but I think I’ll have to go with the Lion King as well” Louis says

“Yes!” I run over to him and give him a high five

“Zayn I know your a man who likes cartoons. Talk to me” Liam says

“Tarzan”

“Good choice. Harry?”

“Is Dumbo Disney?”

“Is dumbo Disney?” I scoff “yes of course it’s Disney”

“You do fancy the little Mermaid though don’t you?” Liam teases

“I think it’s your turn” Harry dodged the question

“Mines more of a Pixar movie. It’s toy story” we finish up the Twitter section and continue on with the concert.

By the end of the night we are all exhausted. I get dressed in a pare of sweats and a jumper. I take out my contacts and place my glasses on. I grab my stuff and head out of my dressing room and knock on the boys’ door which opens in no time

“So that’s where my hoodie went” Harry says letting me in

“Oops” I shrug

“Are they my sweats?” Louis asks

“Maybe” I shrug again. Louis raises his eyebrows at me “ok fine but they’re more comfortable”

“Well now we know what to buy you for your birthday” Niall jokes.

[humbledragon669]

S1E6 – The Very Last Day of the Rest of Their Lives P2 - from the dissolution of the Horsemen to Sunday (the very first day of the rest of their lives)

OK, cool. Nuclear holocaust avoided. That means that everything is going to be just fine and dandy now, right?

Oh, bloody hell Crowley, why’d do you have to be so pessimistic (realistic) all the time? I was taking my cue from the nice soothing music that this was time to relax. Well, before we go down the doom and gloom route again, let’s take a quick look at Crowley’s choice of words here, shall we?

Nothing’s over.

Hmm. Strange thing to say. Or is it? Remember this?

What if.. what if… this little speech from Crowley isn’t just referring to Armageddon? If he is in fact well aware that there were things that were said on the bandstand that need to be addressed? That he does not accept that he and Aziraphale are through? And that they are still going to have to be very careful about spending time together? His expression when he points out that Heaven and Hell are still on opposite sides conveys an air of disbelief that the angel could actually be naïve enough to believe that the avoidance of this particular Armageddon would fix everything.

After all, if Heaven and Hell are still desperate to get at each other’s throats, that means that he and Aziraphale are still expected to be pitted against one another, doesn’t it? You have to feel a bit sorry for the angel though, he genuinely does look like he thinks things are absolutely tickety-boo now.

As a side note, I got a little hung up on Aziraphale’s interrupted line here:

It’s as I’ve always said, at bottom…

Is it me, or is there no linguistical situation where that combination of words makes sense? The scripted line is actually a slightly amended line from the book:

If you take the trouble to look, deep down inside anyone, you’ll find that at bottom, they’re really quite…

I mean, the original makes a little more sense, but not really, or at least not to my mind. “Underneath it all” or “at heart” would make sense sure, but “at bottom”? Feels weird to me.

I can fully appreciate Crowley’s reluctance to try and relay the tale of the dissolution of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse to an ordinary human when he’s challenged by Anathema, but what I find interesting is Aziraphale’s storytelling. Setting aside the fact that explanations are clearly part of the role that it is customary for the angel to play when it comes to his and Crowley’s involvement (for that, see the expectant look that Crowley sends his way when Anathema won’t take no for an answer), why does he start “in the beginning”? I know Crowley said it was a long story, but 6000 years long? That’s a bit of an understatement. See, I can’t help but feel like Aziraphale is actually launching into the tale of him and Crowley, and that he sees this non-Armageddon simply as part of their own story. Notice how he sets himself and Crowley up as the main characters from the very start (not to mention the attempt he makes at flattery, calling the demon “wily”)? And if you didn’t notice it, Madame Tracy certainly does:

The fact that Aziraphale launches into the story so quickly, and at such a fine level of detail, I find myself wondering if he (or in fact, they) have actually spent time constructing this story in the event that they ever are asked about their relationship. Or indeed, if he has already told that story to someone else before. I’m sure that we as the audience know that his timing and understanding has fallen pretty wide of the mark here, just like Crowley does.

Isn’t this just adorable? Crowley could have told him, shouted at him even, to be quiet, even to shut up, but instead he takes control of the situation (you could almost say he was rescuing Aziraphale from making a fool of himself…) in a way that conveys a great deal of familiarity and kindness. I suspect that this is a moment, similar to him saying “nothing’s over” earlier on, where the things he doesn’t say to the angel are much more poignant and revealing than the things he does, non-spoken communications between this pair being the running theme throughout the show that it is.

Side note on the soundscape that accompanies the arrival of Gabriel and Beelzebub: we can hear the typical miracle noise as Gabriel appears but there isn’t one to signal Beelzebub’s arrival. I do rather like the noise that’s been chosen to represent the closing up of the earth that she emits from though – it’s like a cross between a crackling file and a creaky door. Feels very apt.

Quick question: how does Gabriel know Adam’s name? He didn’t know which of the children was the Antichrist at all in the first place, never mind any of their names.

I feel like Gabriel’s assertion that “you can’t just refuse to be who you are” is a pretty obvious reference to two things. Firstly, the running theme that to be human is to have free will. Gabriel’s insistence that Adam has no free will suggests that he does not consider the child to be human in any way at all. Secondly, that he does not accept that Aziraphale or Crowley could be anything other than what they are expected to be by others. With those two factors in mind, I find it interesting that this is the point at which Aziraphale chooses to speak up, and I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that anybody that misses the expression of blind panic on Crowley’s face as the angel steps forward really isn’t watching properly.

The demon shouldn’t panic though, because Aziraphale has a plan. Which he desperately tries to communicate, again without words, to Crowley:

If that’s not a massive indicator that this pair being able to communicate without words, I don’t know what else you need. At the very least it makes clear that they can understand the subtext that is being sent their way. And hasn’t Aziraphale stumbled across the most amazing loophole here? Let’s just take a moment to appreciate the bind he manages to put Gabriel and Beelzebub in and start with the definition of ineffable (which, until watching this show, I didn’t know).

So, the very fact that the Ineffable Plan, by its very definition, cannot be expressed in words, means that it cannot be the same as the Great Plan, which has not only just been described by Beelzebub, has apparently also been written down somewhere. Genius, Aziraphale, really. And his point really hits home once he’s joined by Crowley, whose presence fills in all the gaps of credibility that the angel has. It’s another instance of us being shown how they work so much better together as a team because they complement each other perfectly. And they know it:

We’re being given a clue that the situation is de-escalating here through the music, which is a replaying of the “Man with a Harmonica” styling we heard earlier in the episode, except this time it’s less prominent, slower, and less heavily orchestrated. It signals to us that the stand off is resolving, not in a mass of fire and flame but more like a tyre with a slow puncture. The music also serves to underline the moment of comic irony from Crowley and Aziraphale with their gleeful acceptance of the “blame” for putting a stop the war (as if that was something to be ashamed of).

Whilst we’re on the topic of sound (again), I just want to say that the noise we hear Gabriel and Beelzebub disappear makes me giggle. I think it sounds like someone, maybe even a child, making a fake retching noise. No idea why I find this so funny.

Quick note: Anathema really needs to work on her consistency of information that she holds to be true:

NEWT: Perhaps it’s a volcano. ANATHEMA: There aren’t any volcanoes in England.

Well, it wasn’t that long ago that you were Newt told you the same thing about tornadoes, and look how that turned out.

So, Armageddon was avoided but now Satan’s on his way to kick some butt. That about sum things up as they stand? That’s certainly how Crowley sees it, and he is all out of options for any of them. But here’s where things get interesting for us.

There is only one thing that Crowley needs to do in what he likely believes are going to be the last moments of his existence – look at Aziraphale and tell him, in as few words as he possibly can for time purposes, that he values him. And for the record, I am of the belief that “that was that” is not a reference to Earth, or even to his own existence, but to the relationship that he and Aziraphale have shared. Stings a bit that line if you consider that to be potential subtext, doesn’t it? What stings more is the realisation that Aziraphale, still holding out hope that they can fix the situation, is doing something that he has been doing for Crowley for a long time – being Crowley’s hope as well as his own. He is, in an incredibly beautiful way, bringing light to Crowley’s darkness. And he is fully invested in their partnership here too:

We can’t give up now.

Not I, or you. We. Did I get any of you with that light into darkness thing? Maybe I’ll have you with this instead.

There are a couple of things to say about this little stand Aziraphale makes for himself, and I’ll leave the one that always makes me feel like there’s something in my eye until the end of the paragraph. This demand from Aziraphale that Crowley is the one that finds a solution to the problem is a strong indicator, as has been discussed before, of the demon always being the one to save the day. It’s part of his role, given to him by Aziraphale, and one that he happily plays because he enjoys rescuing the angel. There is, of course, a lovely subtext in this that the “bad” one is actually the hero. The fact that Aziraphale picks up the sword here (no longer flaming now – is that to do with intent of the bearer?) is a clear sign he’s giving Crowley that he knows he’s not getting out of this situation without making some compromises of his own. Despite the fact that the sword was his originally, the idea that he’s picked it up with the intent of using it to fight offensively rather than defensively goes against his gentle nature. It’s meant as a message to Crowley to show that he means business. And it does the job – we can see Crowley registering the out-of-character nature of the action and rallying himself a little to try to replicate it. Lastly, there’s that threat:

Come up with something or… Or, I’ll never talk to you again.

Except. Except. It’s not really a threat, is it? Let’s have a quick look at what the original script had down for this line:

Come up with something or… Or, I’m never going to talk to you again.

It’s a very subtle difference. But it makes it a lot clearer that this isn’t a threat – it’s a statement of what will happen if they don’t find a way out. This isn’t the angel throwing out the only thing he can think of to say out of spite, it’s him spelling it out for Crowley the real consequences for them. And you can see how frightened he is by the realisation of it:

The stage directions at this point are pretty clear about both the intended effect of those words, and the resulting action that are to take place:

Crowley nods. That one hurts. What the hell. Crowley snaps his fingers … and time stops.

Obviously there was a bit of scope creep on the mechanism for Crowley stopping time between the script being written and the end product. Interestingly, this stopping of time appears to take Crowley a lot more effort than the previous instances we’ve seen him do. It’s also missing the trademark noise that has accompanied this particular brand of miracle (the popping noise), but there are some elements of the more generic miracle noise underneath the epic-sounding choir in the soundtrack. This is the first time we’ve seen Crowley also transporting himself and others to a different place whilst time has been stopped, and we are given no explanation of where this place is. The script suggests it’s all in Adam’s imagination, or possibly Crowley’s. If it’s Crowley’s I can understand why both he and Aziraphale now have their wings, as it would help convey to Adam that their intentions are good. If it’s actually Adam’s imagination, that would suggest that he himself has pictured them with their wings, which would further suggest he is aware of their true nature, despite this never having been addressed (at least in the series, there is a line in the book that spells this out a bit more clearly – “I know all about you two.”). Interestingly Aziraphale’s sword is flaming again now (which would pose some questions depending on who is responsible for that – Aziraphale? The person whose imagination they’re residing in?) and it’s only now that Crowley chooses to adorn his glasses.

Despite the perilous nature of the situation, Aziraphale still manages to have not one, but two realisations of his own in the time bubble. Yes, that’s right I had said two. The first of those is something he has been winding his way inevitably towards for most of the season – that he can see that the virtues of being human make for a better being than one that is solely of Heaven or Hell. That realisation is quickly followed that the realisation doesn’t just apply to Adam but to himself and Crowley too. Not onboard? Check out the knowing glance he throws Crowley’s way when he delivers the line:

He knows that, morally at least, the pair of them are both much closer to being human than angel or demon now. I suspect he also knows that the admittance of that is both a compliment to Crowley and an acknowledgement of something that the demon has known for a long time.

I do not think it a coincidence that Adam is pictured with an angel on one side and a demon on the other in both this and the previous scene (on the tarmac): that image has been the stereotypical image used to depict a conscience for a very long time. What I do find interesting in this particular representation of that is that both the angel and demon are there in order to support the human they are tasked with helping, and that they intend to work together.

Side note: Crowley uses the tyre iron from the Bentley to restart time. Again, I find it interesting that this instance of him stopping time appears to be quite a strain for him given that previous (and future) instances will be easily started and stopped with the click of his fingers.

Really quick side note (just in case you didn’t know): Satan is played by a certain Benedict Cumberbatch, though you’d struggle to recognise him beneath all the CGI.

Ah phew, Satan has been dismissed just like the Horsemen. Perhaps it was just a necessity of shooting that Crowley and Aziraphale were stood so far apart prior to Satan’s dismissal, but they certainly don’t waste any time before they’re standing together again.

Either way (and I choose to believe they made a conscious decision to stand together), it would have been difficult to get this shot if they’d still been standing eight feet apart:

It’s a shot we all deserved – Crowley smiling (actually smiling!) whilst Aziraphale gazes lovingly into his eyes.

Quick note: Aziraphale does not wipe the top of the bottle after Crowley has been drinking from it before taking his own swig (this interaction is slightly different in the script, where Aziraphale passes the bottle to Crowley instead, and actually does wipe the bottle top before he does so). Also, where has that bottle of wine come from?

Just a few lines ago I wrote about how there was no time wasted between these two in coming back together. Well, now we see Aziraphale wasting no time in returning to flirt mode. This cheeky side-eye he gives Crowley when he tells Lesley that he’s been sitting on the sword is priceless:

Or how about this once-over he throws over, with the cue word from Lesley being “wife”:

And Crowley does appear to have noticed – he turns his attention to the angel at the first chance he gets, disguising the turn of his head as him simply following Lesley’s departure.

Prior to Aziraphale’s discovery that his bookshop has actually been burned down, there’s a moment where you can see him physically deflate with disappointment that he and Crowley are going to be apart.

You can see how difficult this is for him to say – he doesn’t actually manage to say the whole sentence until his second attempt at it. I can’t help but feel like this is a nod to their break-up on the bandstand – whilst he said what he did with honest intentions, it’s all come back to bite him in the ass now that the World hasn’t actually ended. It feels to me like the subtext here is along the lines of “I understand if you don’t want to be around me”, but I also feel that this is him fishing for a rejection of this idea from Crowley, like he’s really desperate for him to say “no, don’t be so ridiculous, all is forgiven” (no pun intended. Well, maybe a little bit of pun intended). You can see him waiting for the verdict, albeit in a very blurry fashion, in the foreground of the shot. It’s pretty heartbreaking that not only does he not get what he’s looking for, but that Crowley has to deliver the soul-destroying news of the bookshop being gone for the second time, which he does in the kindest and most compassionate way that he can. It’s at this point that he offers his apartment as a place to stay for. My question about this little section is this: had Crowley, mistakenly believing that Aziraphale knew he couldn’t go back to the bookshop, already assumed that the angel was going to stay with him that night? I think that’s highly likely. There is the tiniest flicker of a smile from Aziraphale at Crowley’s offer, and why wouldn’t there be? Crowley’s invitation suggests that things can be worked out between them, that he hasn’t completely bolloxed things up with his declaration that “it’s over”. He also looks pretty devastated when he realises that it’s probably a bad idea to take him up on the offer.

Crowley’s not taking no for an answer though, is he? And he wants to make sure that his message is getting through to Aziraphale loud and clear - his assertion that they are now on their own side is really his way of saying “I forgive you”. Well, Aziraphale does get the message loud and clear – he sits beside on him on a virtually empty bus and, we are led to believe, holds his hand. And I do choose to believe that’s exactly what happens – you can actually see Aziraphale’s hand reaching down towards Crowley’s, which looks as if it’s rested on his knee or thigh.

I understand that there was a Tweet at one time where Michael potentially confirmed that this had happened, but I have been unable to find it. And on that delightful Aziracrow bombshell, I think I’m at a really good place to wrap up this part, not least because I can create a banner from noticeboards from the next scene to start the next section instead of making up my own banners. As always, questions, comments, discussions: all welcome. See you next time 😊

[cafesanscreme]

A Rei Refined.

I might be in the minority, but I found episode 8 rather refreshing. It was good to revisit some of my earlier musings around ‘affection’ and ‘love’ and ‘permanence’ with Rei as the guide. It was even better to see them settling into this period of ‘acceptance’ not just with themselves, but with what they have. What they have built together. 

I think a lot of the perception from some fans was that they weren’t close — if you’ve read either of my previous thesis statements on this, you might get the sense that I didn’t believe that to be the case, and I’m glad this episode acts as a bit of vindication and helps to do away with that rhetoric. In this era of oversharing, relationships like ‘KazuRei’ where both parties don’t know ‘all your business’ (as my mom would say) are interpreted as being ‘distant’. I even saw someone say ‘they are just acquaintances as far as I’m concerned’ — which sure, we’re all allowed our own interpretation, but for me that has never checked out. Even as someone who is not generally a “shipper” per se,  I’ve always thought to myself: 

‘Kazuki’s room…that’s a bit involved to simply be ‘crashing’ but ok….’  

And I think it all goes back to the concept of happiness and permanence and affection and love.  

Kazuki was forcing himself to remember the negatives which, in turn, forced him to ignore or repress the positives. He didn’t want to be happy in his new life and used an illogical matrix of guilt as punishment. Kazuki actively sabotaged himself and forced Yuzuko into the negative role of ‘happiness gatekeeper,’ he made it so that he was unable to be happy because of her. I noticed early on that a large part of Kazuki’s method for creating distance was telling himself (and Miri) that he was simply crashing at Rei’s. He couldn’t allow himself the happiness of calling it his home, despite the fact that he furnished it, he supplies it, he cares for it …that he’s been living there for at least two years… 

Rei is a bit different. My personal opinion is that Rei has always been the most comfortable of the two in acknowledgement of their ‘permanence’ — not to say that he readily accepted it, because he didn’t, but I personally believe that Rei, internally, folded a lot quicker than Kazuki did. I think his lack of expressiveness came from the fact that he simply never wanted to seem needy, which was fostered by his upbringing. 

At the same time, Rei  also uses his upbringing, his mechanical and emotionless delivery, and his closed off nature as a shield and an excuse. His behavior is often easily explained away by Kazuki, us as the audience, and even himself, as merely being a consequence of his upbringing. And while it is, Rei does have agency. He chooses to let Kazuki ‘take control’ of his daily care, cut his hair, feed him… and he liked it…likes it. He likes it to the point where Kazuki has been living with him nearly 3 years now… 

The logic might sound weird, but based on how Rei was raised, I think he’d actively chose to seem unappreciative rather than dependent. He isn’t supposed to live for his own higher purpose or his own pleasure. He’s supposed to live for, breathe for, sacrifice for, the organization. Taking pleasure and happiness in something else — seeming to need something else — is not acceptable. And so you get a Rei who is actually wholly appreciative of Kazuki, but at the same time, does not, and in some ways, feels like he can not express his appreciation verbally or outwardly because it would be acknowledging a vulnerability or weakness. 

But it’s very obvious especially after episode 7 that Rei has cared for quite some time now.  To quote Hannibal:  Abandonment requires expectation.  Rei immediately jumping to abandonment speaks loudly to his attachment to Kazuki. And it’s not just because Kazuki cooks and cleans. We see from episode 8 that Rei was fine to live off take-out and in filth. Rei was just missing him. Kazuki not being there, being gone for some reason that wasn’t an assignment, was not something Rei was able to comprehend or to accept in a mature manner. 

We see Kazuki also fears Rei leaving and going back home. A solemn curiosity about what would be a major disruption for Miri yes, but also for Kazuki.

Beyond that though, mutual respect and affection and yes, even love, come with respecting boundaries — accepting that people will share in their own time. But also understanding that a lack of sharing isn’t an indictment on how that person feels about you or how they see you.  Kazuki says he won’t ask and Rei says, he wouldn’t tell and they leave it at that. Kazuki doesn’t push and Rei doesn’t push and neither get offended by the lack of ‘interest’ the other has in their trauma. 

Love and affection are also knowing when it’s OK to ignore some of the more harmful self imposed boundaries like Kazuki did in episode 8 when Rei said he wanted to blow of some steam. Rei likely wouldn’t have gained anything from being alone and stewing in his own self-resentment. Kazuki showing he cares enough to bring Rei back home so they can celebrate his birthday before midnight was helpful in that while sure, it’s ‘overbearing’, it also proved to Rei once again, why he made the choices he made in the conversations with his dad to protect Kazuki. 

If no one, not even his own father cares…Kazuki does. Kazuki will. Rei needed that, in the moment. 

And maybe I am merely overthinking it, but I thought there was something very nice and almost sensual about Kazuki and Rei continuing the birthday celebration despite Miri falling asleep. Rei blowing out the candles with Kazuki as the sole audience and celebrating his 26th birthday with the person who has cared most about him (barring Miri) in his entire life after such an intense day. The whole thing felt..dare I say...romantic.

[letstrythisout4]

Chapter 3: Blaise Zabini and his increasing exasperating day

Series Masterlist

By the third week of school Blaise had a schedule set up. Wake up at 7am and take a run around the Quidditch pitch. (And when Quidditch season starts he has already decided he’s just going to wake up even earlier). Take a shower, get ready and make it to the Great Hall early enough to be the first person to sit down at the Slytherin table. 

The schedule is perfect. He gets to dodge his roommates, release some energy on his run, take his time getting ready to make sure he feels prepared for the day; all with enough time to make sure he gets access to all the food first so he isn’t just eating everyones leftovers. 

It’s great.

It also allows him plenty of room to switch up his schedule. Nothing major, getting up at 7 and being first at the table are non negotiable. But everything in between can be subject to change. 

Which leads to situations like today, where Blaise is heading to the kitchens for the first time in his Hogwarts career. After reading through Hogwarts : A History Blaise has come to the conclusion that the best way to get an audience with the Hogwarts elves is through the kitchen. As he approaches the infamous painting with a bowl of fruit which is said to lead to his destination, Blaise stops and for the first time wonders, “What the hell am I going to say?”.

This leads to Blaise pacing in front of the portrait for a good few minutes having an internal debate with himself.

Ok, what’s my end goal?

I want to be in their good graces.

Why?

Because they do so much for the castle and everyone is ungrateful.

…cute. What else?

…It would be nice if they would drop off my clothes when I’m there so I can organize them. How I like it, to keep it in perfect condition.

That sound so fucking pretentious. 

Well I am pretentious so what of it?

Fair.

But how am I going to word that?

I don’t know, it's probably best to just be honest and get it over wi-

“Can we help you sir?” squeaked a voice to his left.

Blaise, stiffly, turned towards the voice to find an elf poking her head out from behind the portrait. All that could be seen was her bat-like ears and large blue eyes.

“Yes, actually I was wondering if I could speak to an elf about some…request I have concerning my clothing?” Blaise choked out.

I hate this, is all Blaise could think as he watched the elf process what he just said. How could I be so stupid as to not plan this out? I always plan out my conversations, that’s what I do, I plan.

“Would you like to discuss it now or shall I find you later, sir?” 

“Now works just fine.” said Blaise doing his best to hold in his frown at the formal way she addresses him. 

“Oh well,” she muttered, clearly unprepared to have someone actually want to speak to her “ please come inside so that we can figure something out.”

Bliase followed her through the portrait and took a breath just to absorb all the wonderful smells he was suddenly surrounded by. He did his best not to stare at the way the elves were so focused and coordinated in their movements in preparation for the children they were about to serve. 

The little elf sat him down at a small table against the wall, out of the way of the mass operation commencing at the same time that Blaise came to beg for them to take special care in delivering his laundry. 

I don’t like this.

“So what I can I help you with?” she practically whispered, refusing to make eye contact.

I don’t like this.

“I’m sorry I’d just prefer if instead of putting my clothes away for me, if we could set up a time where I can take the clothes from you personally, so I can put them away myself.”

She did a slow absent blink.

“I just am really particular about how I have my personal items set up, I have systems etc. So I’d really just appreciate it if you could give me my clothes directly.”

Another blink.

I don’t like this.

You’re too deep now, you must commit.

“I’ve noticed you all tend to clean the rooms and put away the clothes between 11pm-12am every Tuesday while I’m at astronomy with the other Slytherins of my year.”

Another blink.

“So if instead you could meet me just before or after astronomy so that I can take care of it myself, that would be perfect.” 

Another blink.

Blaise whipped his palms on his slacks as covertly as he could under the table.

Why won’t she say something?

“You don’t want us to put away your clothes for you?” she mumbles with a shaky breath.

“Yes…” Blaise is starting to become incredibly worried with the condition that the elf is in.

“But everyone prefers it when we do it for them.” She now has a tone of confusion that does nothing to aid Blaise’s stress levels.

“Well I am weird in that sense, I have a bit of an obsession with organization so-” he trails off trying to find the right words “- I really appreciate all that you all do for us but if I could do this one thing for myself I would be infinitely happier.” 

Another blink.

Blaise sends her his most disarming smile.

“Okay.” she agrees as if she was winded.

“Okay?”

“Okay, what’s your name sir?”

“Blaise Zabini.”

“Well Mr. Zabini, I shall ensure to arrive 30 minutes before your astronomy class with your clothes.” she promises with wringing her hands together.

“Thank you so much…”

“Daisy.” she stammered.

“What a lovely name, thank you so much Daisy. I’ll see you then.” Blaise said quickly. 

Eager to be finished with that conversation and out of the kitchens, he walks as quickly as possible without looking rushed out of the kitchens and to the Great Hall.

I hated that.

I hated that so much.

Why the hell didn’t I plan that conversation out.

The things I do for organization, is the last thought Blaise allows himself to have before he stares at all the food before him losing his appetite entirely only being able to force down two pieces of bread with jam and a chalice of apple juice.

--------------------------------------

He sets off to History Of Magic the second he convinces himself that he’s eaten enough. He arrives beyond early, not even Binn’s is here yet. The classroom is set up the same as a muggle ‘Lecture’ classroom he visited for an abroad program in the States- though he’d never voice the comparison outloud. He takes his usual seat- he far back against the right wall to give him a perfect view of the entire classroom. Pulling out his textbook, parchment and his quills and sets himself up for today's lecture.

Blaise loves History of Magic. 

He might be the only person to have ever sat in this classroom and to have thought that unironically. And he’s fine with that. There’s something about history that has always consumed Blaise. And it seems not even Binn’s monotone voice can kill his love for the stories of the past.

And so by the time Blaise has perfected his setup, students begin to trickle in. First is a Hufflepuff girl. Blaise has seen her around before; it's practically impossible not to, considering they share 3 classes together a week, but it's more than that. She seems to not exist outside of these classes. Everyone else Blaise catches a glimpse of in the hallway or at dinner or lunch or just somewhere. But she seems to disappear the second she walks out of the classroom.

And it pisses Blaise off.

Blaise likes to think of himself as observant. He knows things about people. He can tell that despite having met only in the beginning of the year two Ravenclaw boys are already squabbling with each other. He can tell that ever since she’s demonstrated her brilliance Hermione Granger has been isolated from her house. He can tell when Flitwick is having a bad day. He can tell Pansy is getting an irritating letter from home. He can tell when Susan Bones is talking down to Anthony Goldstein despite her sweet tone.

What he can’t tell is who the hell this Hufflepuff is. All he has is a name and information gathered from his eavesdropping. Name: “Isabella Reyes”. Isabella is apparently Black and Latino, which tracks with her light brown skin and curly black hair constantly pulled into a messy ponytail. She’s a Hufflepuff. Blaise had to stop himself from exclaiming, “No shit we all wear house robes.” when he heard someone whispering it to their friend group like it was the juiciest piece of gossip ever heard. And that’s it.

That is all Blaise has gathered in the weeks since starting school.

And it keeps him up at night.

And what is most upsetting is, there is no real way to fix this.

Blaise refuses to become a stalker, eavesdropping hasn’t gained him any information, and he will not speak to her directly. 

Not even an option.

This plagues him. Far more than it should considering he’s never spoken to her. 

But just as he starts to gain momentum in his frustration Binns begins the class…and at what point everyone filled in the seats Blaise couldn't tell you.

An hour and half later, Blaise has been sufficiently distracted with information about Emeric the Evil.

That is until he runs right into the problem he needed to be distracted from, knocking her right to the floor.

Damn. Two unplanned conversations and one bad meal in a day. What have I done to deserve this? Blaise asks the Universe as he puts out his hand to help Isabella up.

“Thanks.” she says shortly as he takes his hand.

A short “a”. She pronounced “Thanks” with a short “a” sound. 

“You’re American.” Blaise states plainly, pulling her up.

 All this time and the first thing and that's the first thing I say? I don’t know what I did, but Universe I am sorry.

She looks at him like he's an idiot. “Yes, thanks for pointing that out for me.” 

They both start collecting her books and papers from the floor. Why have a school bag if you're just going to carry everything in your hands?

Blaise hovers with tense shoulders as he hands her her things to put away. Finished, she turns to leave and makes it four steps before turning back around and asking, “Can I ask you a weird question?”

“You just did.”

She was not amused with this response.

“I’m going to take that as a yes. What were you doing pacing outside the Hufflepuff common room?”

Daisy must have rubbed off on Blaise because all he could think to do was blink.

“This morning~” she taunts.

“I wasn’t pacing outside of your common room, I was pacing outside of the kitchens.”

She was quick, “Why?”

“I needed to ask for a favor from the elves?”

“Why?” 

“Because I need their help.”

“Why?”

“None of your business.” 

“You’re one to talk.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” 

“I’ve seen you people watching. I’ve seen you blend into the background and listen in on people’s conversations.”

There’s a beat.

“Incorrect, try again.”

Another beat.

“Excuse me?”

“What you are implying is factually incorrect, I don’t do any of those things on purpose. They just happen.” Blaise said confidently.

Blaise Zabini is a bold-faced liar to everyone but his mother. He has mastered the art of spouting false information with expressions varying from a straight face to the most dazzling smile anyone has ever seen. The only one who has ever seen through this is his mother, hence why he doesn’t like to lie to her. 

It's pointless to even attempt to.

The second the sentence leaves his mouth, Isabella is striding towards him. Blaise resists the urge to take a step back when she stops right in front of him. 

And then she stares. She stares right into his eyes and suddenly Blaise feels compelled to tell the truth.

Before he can even think of something to say in response to her actions she takes another step forward and this time he can’t stop himself from taking a step back.

“I know that you don’t know me yet so I’m going to let that lie slide. But for the record, I do not appreciate being lied to. I will clock any lies you tell me whether it is in the moment or after digging, but I will find out. So I strongly suggest, for the sake of your health and sanity, that going forward you are just honest to me. Either tell me the truth, or that you aren’t comfortable to talk about it or whatever logic you have behind not wanting to tell me something but do not lie. Because from now on I will not accept you looking me in my face and lying to me.”

She takes a moment to breathe “ Okay?”

“Definitely, I’m sor-”

“Don’t apologize, just don’t do it again.” 

And with that threat (?) she turns around, makes a left and is gone.

…Blaise has even more questions than he did before.

Starting with, what the hell does she mean “yet”?

Author's notes: thanks for reading

[thevegandarkelf]

Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Fourteen

Masterlist

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Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist <3 (18+ only, MDNI)

Story is 18+ for mature content/themes, minors do not interact please

TW/CWs for this story--implied/referenced past rape, canonical violence, non-canonical violence, blood, gore, referenced past suicide, swearing, surgery, excessive drinking, nightmares, panic attacks, mention of scars, vomiting, amputation, medical procedures, non-con medical procedures, referenced past medical torture, referenced past drugging, attempted sexual assault, panic attacks, mental health struggles, referenced sibling death, referenced parent death

Each chapter will have its own TW/CWs listed

This story, Lydia Vector, her family & bestie (c) me, TheVeganDarkElf

TWD & its characters (c) AMC & Robert Kirkman, the writer of the comic series

TW/CWs for this chapter--swearing (there's swearing in every chapter ok), description of nightmares, description of violence (description of a walker attacking someone), mention of scars

Word count: 2.7k

Daryl and I kept our conversation going on the ride back to Alexandria, but my mind was definitely in other places. I loved talking with Daryl, and being in his presence, but damn if this man didn’t make me nervous like a 13-year-old girl talking to her middle school crush. He was easy to talk to, and despite his usual frosty and callous attitude towards others, there was a welcoming and safe energy about him, one that I didn’t find anyone else talking about. When we had conversations, he was attentive, seemed interested, asked follow-up questions & remembered the things I said. He was a self-proclaimed tough guy, but the Daryl that I got to see, when it was just the two of us, dare I say, was a bit of a softie.

After a little while, I was starting to recognize the area and figured we must’ve been getting close to Alexandria, which my ravenous stomach was thankful for.

“Can I ask ya a question?” Daryl asked, “if ya don’t wanna answer, it’s fine.”

“Uh, sure,” I answered nervously, wondering where he possibly could’ve been going with this, especially considering this was the first time he’d prefaced asking me a question by asking if he could.

“Ya said ya’d been havin’ nightmares for some time,” he said. My stomach began to lightly churn at the thought of the different directions in which he could take this. “Ya had ‘em a long time?”

“Uh, no. They only started after the world went to shit,” I explained. I wiggled my toes in an attempt to keep myself calm.

“They always been the same?” Daryl asked. I shook my head.

“So they used to be the same thing every night. I would be crossing the stage at a ceremony after getting board-certified. I’d look out at the audience and see my parents and brothers in the front row, looking so proud as their only daughter and sister became an official fully licensed surgeon. Then I look out at the audience again and see a walker coming down the aisle towards my family. He goes up to my mother and attacks her, and she screams, then everyone starts screaming. He bites her in the neck and tears her vocal cords, and when her screaming stops is always when I would wake up.” I twirled a chunk of my ponytail around my finger and chewed at the inside of my lip. “They changed around the time I got here.”

Despite the churning of my stomach, the pounding of my heart, and the sensation of feeling small that overcame me, I felt the desire to keep going. It was like the words were coming out of me whether I wanted them to or not. But there was a sense of safety, which comforted me as the words came out on their own accord. “Now, it’s still mostly just a blur of colors and physical sensations, and some sounds. But each night, the blurs get a little less blurry, the physical sensations feel more real, and the sounds get louder.” I folded my legs and brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, resting my chin on my knees. “And I’m scared for when it becomes crystal clear.”

“Hey,” he said, and I turned my face to look at him. His face had softened a little, his normal stoic expression appearing less rigid than usual, “nothin’ to be scared of. It’s not real.”

Oh, but it was. It was a very real thing that haunted my every move, that I couldn’t even escape in dreamland. Still, I appreciated his attempt to provide me some comfort.

“I know. Sure feels real though. It always takes me a minute after I wake up on the floor to realize I’m awake and was dreaming,” I explained, resting the side of my head on my forearms, keeping my gaze on Daryl. “It’s pretty jarring at times.”

We pulled up to the front gates, and he brought the car to a stop while we waited for the gate to open. He looked over at me, and his face has somehow softened even more than it already had. “I know it’s scary. Don’t worry. It can’t hurt ya.”

“Thanks Daryl,” I said in an attempt to wrap up the conversation before we got back inside the walls. I wished there was a way to explain the gravity & the reality of them without having to actually do so. Something that would help him understand without sharing too much information.

Rosita was practically at my door already by the time I stepped out of the car.

“Hi. Long time no see,” I said, grabbing my backpack and swinging it over my shoulders.

“Hi. I, umm, wanted to see if you guys needed any help,” she offered, looking past my shoulder into the back of the car, “wow, you guys did great. That’s awesome.”

“Couldn’ta done it without the good luck charm,” Daryl said as he popped the trunk open. I restrained myself from allowing the biggest grin to spread across my face. I couldn’t deny that I loved when he called me that. A couple of the guys at the front gate started grabbing food from the trunk to take to our storage area.

“Rosita, you wanna help me get these into the infirmary, then we can talk?” I asked, gesturing to the pile of fake hands and feet, “y’know, about the concern you mentioned to me this morning?” She caught on quickly and nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

It took two trips for Rosita and I to get most of the pieces into the infirmary. For now, we placed them wherever there was room, as I would be spending the rest of my day finding them a permanent home in the infirmary. Back at the car, I took the remaining food out of my backpack and gave it to one of the guys. I grabbed the last several prosthetic pieces and shoved a couple into my bag, another couple under my arm.

“Daryl, do you want our help with the rest?” Rosita asked as she grabbed the last few prosthetics from me.

“Nah, go on, do what you gotta” he said, then turned to me, “I’ll be over when I’m done.” I gave him a smile and a nod, and I led Rosita over to the infirmary. After a minute, she looked back over her shoulder, determining that we were safely out of earshot, and she could ask questions.

“Be over for what?” 

“I mentioned that I was looking forward to eating once we got back, since I didn’t eat before we left this morning, so he offered to make us food. I’m guessing that means he’d bring it over to me once it was done,” I told her. Her face lit up, and I knew this was only the beginning of the incessant questions and teasing that were to come.

“He’s making you food?” she gushed. I gave her a look that screamed for her to lower her voice.

“Shut up,” I whispered, whacking her in the arm with the back of my hand.

“What was the comment about a good luck charm?” she asked. This time, I let a big stupid grin spread across my face.

“Oh, it was a joke I made on our first run. About me being a good luck charm and that’s why we got so lucky with what we found,” I explained, “it was one of my first attempts at being flirty.”

“And he remembered it!?” I whacked her with the back of my hand again.

“Rosita please, keep your voice down,” I begged as I opened the door to the infirmary for her, “it carries.”

She all but threw the last of the prosthetics in her arms onto a counter and sat herself on an exam table, kicking her feet back and forth in excitement. I sat myself in the chair I typically utilized and wheeled over towards the table.

“You look really happy,” Rosita said, giving me a gentle kick in the knee, “tell me everything.”

I recollected the events of our run, from the moment he gave me my coffee this morning to coming back in through the walls just now, including almost every detail. I left out specifics about the things Daryl shared with me in case they were things he didn’t want others to know. Plus, it wasn’t my place to share them. I also left out the details of the conversation on our ride back here.

"And then he stopped the car, Rosita. He stopped the car!" I practically shouted, catching myself when I realized how loud my volume was. I was referencing when I was first trying to get Daryl to let me ask him questions about himself.

I was giggling like a teenage girl talking about her crush in the bathroom with one of her friends. Here I was, at my grown age of 32, blushing and kicking my feet as I told the story. I mostly stared down at the floor to conceal just how red I was. I stopped trying to contain my grins and giddiness and just let them happen.

After I finished my story, she looked at me with the biggest, jaw-drop smile I’d ever seen.

"Oh my god, Daryl’s totally into you! He has to be, he never acts like that!” she squealed. She jumped off the table briefly to give me a giant congratulatory hug. “It sounds like he was even a little bit flirty as well. You're putting stars in his eyes, girly.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with me,” I said as I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest, “Daryl’s not my usual type. I typically go for lanky musicians covered head-to-toe in tattoos who wear makeup. Guys who know how to finger a guitar...and that’s about it.”

“Vector!” Rosita laughed, her jaw on the floor at my rather lewd joke.

“I’m serious. I’ve never been this…enamored by a man before, especially one that makes me so nervous. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m usually very confident when it comes to approaching men I’m into. Maybe a little forward if I’m being honest. He’s easy to talk to, which makes me less nervous, but still.” I spun myself gently around in my chair, scratching my index finger on the side of my thumb.

“I mean, you said it yourself. You’re used to approaching a certain type of man, one that’s very different from Daryl. I guess keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Whatever it is seems to be working,” she said.

“I guess. But we’re still really getting to know each other. What if…what if he learns something he doesn’t like?”

She huffed at me. “Please. What is there not to like about you?”

I discreetly rubbed my rope scars under my sleeve and swallowed to keep the churning of my stomach at bay. “I don’t know, I just…I really like him. I don’t wanna fuck it up.” She reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“You’ll be fine. Just take it slow, and…let whatever happens happen. I have a good feeling about this.”

“Promise me you won’t talk to anyone else about it unless you’re indoors. Carol now knows because she overheard Maggie and Glenn talking about it last week,” I said, and she chuckled a little. “I still need to talk to them about that. Tell ‘em to square up.”

“I won’t, I promise. I can tell Maggie to come by, if you want. I’ll tell her to square up,” Rosita offered, eliciting a giggle from me.

“That’d be great. Thank you.” I grimaced as I looked around at the prosthetics that were now strung out everywhere. "Wanna keep me company while I deal with this? Probably gonna be in here a while.” She sighed as she hopped up off the exam table.

“I should get back to the garden. Plus, your man should be here anytime now. Maybe he can keep you company,” she teased, winking at me. I rolled my eyes so hard, I could see my brain.

“Shut up,” I laughed as Rosita made her way to the door, “oh and don’t tell Aaron about any of this. It’s a surprise for when he’s healed.”

I spent the next hour or so sat on the floor, sorting the limbs into different piles and measured them to figure out their different sizes as best I could. I used sticky notes to label them accordingly. Rosita’s words kept playing over and over in my head as I worked.

Daryl’s totally into you! He has to be, he never acts like that! It sounds like he was even a little bit flirty as well. You're putting stars in his eyes, girly. You’ll be fine. Just take it slow, and…let whatever happens happen. I have a good feeling about this.

I didn’t know what scared me more—the possibility that he could not be interested in me and I’m just reading into everything too much, or the possibility that he is interested in me. Because if he was, there would be things he would have to learn. Things I intended to take to my grave. Things that very well could scare him away.

A knock and then opening of the infirmary door sucked me out of my spiraling thoughts. I looked up over an exam table to see Daryl, carrying a plate with steam coming off of it and some silverware. I couldn’t see it, but whatever it was smelled incredible. Though at this point, I was so hungry that just about anything sounded incredible.

“Hey, be careful, there’s body parts everywhere,” I called out. I pushed one of the piles near me out of the way to clear a path for him.

“Sorry it took so long. Took a while to find a pasta that wasn’t spaghetti,” he said. He squatted down next to me and handed me the warm plate and silverware. “Didn’t wanna make ya sick.” The plate was piled with penne pasta, tomato sauce, and some kind of meat, which I guessed was likely venison. The fact that he went out of his way to find a different pasta shape for me was heartwarming. I could feel myself blushing, just a teeny tiny bit, hopefully so teeny tiny that it wasn’t noticeable to him.

“Do not apologize. The fact that you did this is more than enough. Thank you.” I reached up and set the plate on the exam table and leaned back against the wall. “Do you wanna keep me company while I sort through all this?” I asked, gesturing to the piles of fake limbs scattered across the floor.

“Got watch or I’d say yes” he said, “take a rain check?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” I gave him a warm smile as he rose to his feet and started to leave. I got up into my chair so I could take a break to eat. “Hey Daryl?” He turned back to me, his crossbow swaying against his back and tapping the door. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“No, not just…not just for this.”

“For what?”

“For letting me get to know you a bit…listening to me yap on…for caring,” I said, looking up to meet his eyes. Even though he was several feet away, and strands of his gorgeous chocolate hair hung in his face, I could feel that our eyes were locked, and I gave him another warm smile. “You’re a good man.”

“Ya ain’t so bad yourself, sunshine,” Daryl said. I felt my knees give out when he called me sunshine. If I wasn’t sitting, I would’ve crumbled to the floor. I could listen to him call me that all day.

“See you tonight,” I said, and with a nod, he was out the door. I heard him say something to someone, and then in came Maggie. As the door closed behind Daryl, she gave me a look that was begging for more information, probably both about why she was being summoned to see me and what Daryl was doing in here.

“What’s going on in here? Also Rosita said you wanted to “square up?”” she said. I laughed and pointed to the chair opposite me.

“Sit. You and I need to have a chat.”

Taglist: @raddydaddydude

[madrone33]

Ok, so heavy SPOILER WARNING for Pjo episode 6! And the rest of the show since I have read the book! Just, y’know, there’s your warning.

I’d also like to preface this by saying this post will be a rambling, not at all ordered, completely unscripted, kinda-rant kinda-essay of my thoughts on the episode, which means it is inherently biassed and completely composed of my thoughts, feelings, and opinions! None of this is fact, and I’m not trying to force my opinion on you. If you think differently or disagree, that’s completely fine! I would hate to live in a world full of clones of myself lol

With that out of the way, onto whatever this will turn out to be!

Ok, so I really liked the Hermes scene. That part was well written and acted. The family drama and guilt and blame is this show is really complex and everyone just needs multiple hugs tbh. Also, seeing a bit of Hermes’ powers was interesting.

I’m intrigued to know more about Percy’s flashback, while at the same time dreading it because I know it’ll be something heart wrenching and traumatic for poor Percy.

Hermes not agreeing to help them was a kinda foregone conclusion; it would be way too easy for them if he just let them into the Underworld, and we can’t make things easy for them now, can we :D

The Kronos stuff was cool to see, with Luke desperately covering his ass lmao, and Percy confiding in Annabeth. The slight change in Iris Messaging, with them not needing water and using a crystal instead was good. Both that it saved time and that it’s more believable. If your one communication tool is rainbows, of course you’d carry around a portable crystal to make ‘em.

It does make me wonder if they’re ever going to explain that technology - as in phones - makes it easier for monsters to find you. ‘Cause currently I… don’t think that’s been made clear to non-book audiences? Maybe I missed it in an earlier episode? Idk.

The scene where they released the trafficked animals was funny, and Grover completely overlooking if humans would get hurt and only thinking of the animals was a nice touch. I get why they didn’t show the animal abuse explicitly, even if I liked how in the books it was shown more clearly.

Them actually realising that the Lotus Hotel is connected to the Lotus Eaters from the Odyssey was good. I like how they’re identifying the threats faster in the show, whereas in the book they really fell for the monsters’ traps a lot. And the fact that they were on guard and were thinking that it was the food to watch out for added a different kind of danger than the books, where it was more just the readers sensing something wrong and hoping they’d not get trapped.

I like that the Lotus was actually being pumped into the air the whole time. And the fact that Percy and Annabeth being together helped them remember what they were actually there for vs Grover being alone and succumbing quicker was logical.

I didn’t like what they did with Grover so much. Him finding a fellow Satyr and trying to talk to him the way that he can’t to Percy and Annabeth was sad, but then, uh, idk he kinda just felt a bit useless? And the Satyr (who’s name I’ve completely forgotten oops) I think was supposed to be seen as funny? But he was… not. He wasn’t funny. And Grover was just very meh.

Like, this is one of those instances where I would’ve liked for them to change it from the books. In the books they all get split up become slowly addicted to the games in the Lotus Hotel and all that, and then Percy snaps out of it and he goes to wake up Annabeth and Grover, and they find Grover playing something like ‘Destroying Humanity’ and then drag him out of there. Which is basically what happens here, but it’s just-

They’ve changed so many other things for the better, turning moments from a randomness scene to a character beat. And I think they tried to do that by adding the Satyr and the ‘Finding Pan’ game, but it just. Didn’t work for me. He was just kinda there and did basically nothing and, like.

Ok ok so my main problem with this episode is the lack of tension.

First off, they were more meandering around looking for Hermes, it didn’t seem like they were that worried they might not find him. Like, they literally just wandered around and found him, without asking for any directions from strange people that might’ve given some insight into how sus this place is, or even having a quick montage cut of them jogging around peering into shady places. They just- walk around slowly and then there he is. Incredible.

Second, I know the Lotus is supposed to be like a drug, where you forget things and just focus on feeling good all the time, but I would’ve liked if Grover figured out that it was in the air, or that too much time has passed, and tries to fight it or smth?

Like, he starts to forget, and knows he’s forgetting something important, and tries to find- someone- the people he knows he came here with- not just so they can help him remember but to warn them that they were wrong, and it’s not just if you eat the food it’s everywhere and they need to go because the time- it’s all slipping away and he can’t let them be trapped here-

But something or someone stops him, hold him back, makes it so he can’t, and slowly he starts to forget why he’s fighting or what he’s fighting for and then he succumbs, and the switch you can see in him from scared-determined-panicked to dazed-confused-happy is terrifying.

And now we viewers are on the edges of our seats, because now we know that Percy and Annabeth are in so much more danger than we thought, and now there’s a time limit, and now Grover is trapped in his own mind slowly losing himself, and now we’re wondering when it’s going to start happening to Percy and Annabeth too, and now we really need them to realise and save Grover and get the fuck out of there before it’s too late-

But uh, yeah, we… didn’t get that. Instead it was almost- portrayed as comical? Like, there wasn’t a lot of weight put on it.

Old man Satyr keeps forgetting ha ha ha. Oh Grover’s forgetting too? Wow it’s gonna be super hard to get out of that one! Oh, no it’s super easy. Barely an inconvenience! Oh really? Yeah, Percy and Annabeth have barely started to forget anything important, and then they happen to look up and see the Satyr and get reminded of Grover. And then there’s a super short chase scene and then jump cut to them finding Grover playing video games and oh funny, he doesn’t remember them! But it’s fine, it actually doesn’t matter, they get him and go and he remembers on his own a few minutes later! 😀

Speaking of; I might have missed something but did Annabeth do anything at all during that chase scene? Like, I think she went another route to try and cut him off, but then she just kinda disappears, Percy tackles him, and she never shows up…? Idk, I’ll rewatch it sometime, but as of now it’s very strange in my mind.

The car scene was kinda funny, but again, not a lot of tension at all.

(Though as someone learning how to drive that scene made me cringe because of how relatable it was lmao. Honestly, Percy drove way too well for a first timer in a crowded parking lot, and the fact that he actually made that turn decently well? Yeah, someone give him a pat on the back lol.)

… Okay so I just thought of something that is unrealistic and wildly deviating from the books to the point that it’s basically just fanfic, but hey, they deviated anyway when they introduced Hermes this early and it’s my shitty tumblr post so - imagine if there was a car chase. There. I said it. If you’re going to make Percy drive a basically stolen taxi through Los Angeles, fucking commit and make him have to outrun the cops/some monster until they manage to activate whatever makes the car teleport!

Like, do an ‘IKEA after dark’ situation where things are all happy go lucky in the club at first, and then after they talk to Hermes and the Lotus starts effecting them, shit starts to get weird, and the patrons around them start becoming strange, and there’s a creeping sense of wrong wrong wrong as they rush to find Grover and then they find him but he’s wrong, and he looks at them like they’re strangers and they don’t know how to fix it, so all they can do is grab him and run, barely remembering where they’re going or why, but they’re holding themselves together, and when one starts to slip the others are there to haul them forward and remind them what they’re doing.

They have car keys in hand, and they might not know how to drive but fuck it they need to go, so bring on the dramatic dark lighting and wild driving and many bumpy, jerky, shit-we-almost-ran-over-something-important escapades, sirens closing in behind them and then he takes a wrong turn and stares wide eyed into the headlights of an incoming truck, flinches back, eyes slaming shut and-

Silence broken only by crashing waves. Insert Santa Monica scene after slightly hysterical laughter because holy fuck they survived.

… Um, yeah soz, idk where that came from lmao.

Moving on! So, I didn’t mind them getting Hermes’ car too much. Like, hell yes she pickpockets a god. But I didn’t like the way that Annabeth got the keys. Like, he’s the God of Thieves and she’s pretty smart. No way she wouldn’t realise that he let her take them.

A way to make it better would’ve been if he’d done some subtle shit, and she’d done some subtle shit, and then it was shown with some shots that here he puts his keys in this pocket, and then a few shots later maybe she brushes past him, or she “leaves” the room but you can fuzzily see pot plant leaves moving in the background if you know to look for it, and then boom, no more keys in his pocket, and when Percy catches up with her she reveals that Hermes let her take them, and we’re like “ahh, of course, can’t help directly but isn’t stopping them if they take initiative, cool cool.”

But nope. She got they keys, thinks she somehow stole them without his knowledge, and then it’s revealed that, duh, he knew, and they’re just like, welp, guess we should’ve known! Yeah. You should’ve. Annabeth is just- not? She’s just not? Like this? This isn’t how she would- do stuff. She’s smarter than that.

But see what I mean? No tension. Need to find Hermes, oh there he is. He won’t help them, but they got his keys. Lost Grover, but found him almost right away. Don’t know how to drive, but whatever lets go. Grover lost his memory, but nah he’s got it back just fine.

Yeahhh. Idk it just felt weirdly lacking.

What also felt weirdly lacking was the reveal that the Solstice has passed and the gods are going to war.

So, most of that underwater bit wasn’t how the books went, but I’m kinda withholding judgement on how I feel depending on how the next two episodes handle it.

The deadline being up and the gods already going to war? I don’t like it, but yeah, I can see how it might work with the themes laid out.

This isn’t just a war, it’s a family fighting, and instead of Percy just doing it because it’s The Quest, this - his father releasing him from the quest, and Ares telling him it doesn’t matter and they’d go to war regardless of it the Bolt is found, and everyone saying it’s not his place - it gives Percy agency because he’s choosing to forge ahead and save his mother, and find the bolt, and save this family he’s become a part of from itself. It’s his choice now. I can see why they made that change.

Though for some reason the pacing was weird, and the reveal that war was literally upon them was… eh? Like, “oh btw you’re too late and now we’re going to war.” “Huh, interesting, but I’m still going.” Like I said; lack of tension. There’s just no real urgency. It went really fast, or maybe too slow? Idk, there was just something missing.

The four pearls thing? I was very thrown by that, and I’m still pretty uncertain on if that’ll remove all the tension in the Underworld part. Because the whole conflict is if he’ll choose going after the Bolt and saving the Olympians? Or will he choose his mother and doom them to war?

If he has four pearls, then he can do both, which means zero stakes. But I’ve read some other people’s opinions, and I agree that one of those pearls is definitely getting lost/broken/used up before he can give it to her, which means this was done to raise hopes and then bring them crashing down, so I’m withholding judgement and hoping that it won’t be too contrived.

And I don’t like that Poseidon basically says he wants Percy to save Sally too, because a huge part of Percy’s dilemma was that the gods didn’t understand or agree with Percy wanting to save his mum.

Poseidon being on Percy’s side certainly serves the themes the episode set up, with Hermes wanting to be there for his family and failing, this time with Poseidon trying to be there for Percy and Sally, and hopefully succeeding. But it just feels like Percy isn’t as alone as he should be, which is good for him as a person, but bad from a writing standpoint because it makes it feel too easy.

In the books, it’s kinda an act of rebellion, that he would even think of choosing a mortal over the gods, but here he’s… not? Because the gods - or at least Hephestus, Hermes and Poseidon - are on his side. So he’s not choosing a mortal over the gods, he’s just saving his mum, and half the gods have given him the thumbs up to do it.

Not saying they weren’t secretly supporting him in the books too, but Percy didn’t think they were. He felt alone. He felt the pressure of the consequences that would come with whatever descision he made. In the show he’s not really going against the gods, because the gods are actively endorsing him. Which means, say it with me, no tension.

Anyway, like I said: withholding judgment. I'll see how the next ones go, and then come to a proper conclusion based on a complete picture.

Also, side note: When the nereid said, “What belongs to the sea can always return” all I was thinking was the musical and Poseidon’s goofy ass voice saying “It’s a SeAShElL” 😂

Oh and btw, the graphics/makeup/cgi of the nereid was well done to my untrained eye. I have no idea about how it’s done, or if it’s actually shitty in the professional sphere, but I thought it was pretty, so- thumbs up from me.

Though the whole scene at the beach and swimming to her was so dark I literally had to turn my tv’s brightness up to see what was happening, which I also had to do with the Theme Park last episode, and I almost did with the Minatour. Man, they really have a problem with lighting during the night scenes.

But just throughout the whole episode, there's just this feeling of non-urgency. Like, in the episode where time is the most important thing, it... doesn't really feel like it matters all that much.

Um, yeah. I think that was all I wanted to say…

In conclusion, I liked Hermes, aaand not much else. It was still a fun episode, but just all round pretty iffy plot wise. Rip.

I shall leave this with saying WE FINALLY GOT WISE GIRL!! 🥳

[witchbugs]

hello beloved mutuals u’ll never guess what character this post is about. to celebrate the episode betty’s ten year anniversary of existence here is a annotation of sorts (?) of my betty playlist (<- talking to empty audience) warning this makes increasingly less sense

starting off strong with betty (a little bit of madness) by half shy !!!!! we dont appreciate this song enough THERE IS A SONG ABT HER !!!!!! BY SOMEONE WHO WROTE MUSIC FOR THE SHOW :3 dont even have to say anything abt this one

THE MOON WILL SING BY THE CRANE WIVES. ITS THE. THE I COULD HAVE BEEN ANYONE ELSE. I SPENT SO MUCH TIME DEDICATED TO SIMON IM NOT SURE THERES EVEN ANY ME LEFT ANYMORE. shaking like a rabid dog do we get the vision

the deal by mitski !! this one is just sooo betty fusing with golb ok trust me

& by tally hall!! this one is solely for the outro tbh 😭 BIG BAD BETTY OF THE POCALYPSE, SHE OPENS HER LIPS AND IT GOES LIKE THIS ‼️🔥🔥

I BET ON LOSING DOGS BY MITSKI. GODDD THIS IS THE ONE THAT MADE ME WANNA MAKE THIS POST. III BET ON LOSING DOGSS, I KNOW THEYRE LOSING AND I PAY FOR MY PLACE BY THE RING. simon/ice king ok. are we seeing the vision. and dont even get me STARTEDDD on i always want u when im finally fine… ITS THE WAY SIMON WAS INSANE AND WHEN HE WAS FINALLY HIMSELF AGAIN SHE WAS GONE. EATING GLASS. and FINALLY the SOMEONE TO WATCH ME DIE. GODDDD.

curses by the crane wives! I JUST THINK IT FITS OK :3 the devils after both of ussss OUGHGUH

no eyed girl by lemon demon, gonna be so real idk how to explain this one. we’re just vibing

i’m your man by mitski. yes theres a lot of mitski. this is on my petrigrof playlist as well and i think it could be from either pov tbh. LIKE the first verse is betty i think and the second is simon’s suicidal ass in fionna and cake

running up that hill (a deal with god) by kate bush :3 this ones just OBVIOUSSS id make a deal with god… GET HIM TO SWAP OUR PLACES…..

my girlfriend is a witch by october country ! just for sillies. magic betty ily forever and ever

love, me normally by will wood! dont know how to explain this one either tbh bc will wood lyrics scramble my brain but in a pleasant way. idk i just think shes full of autism and also magic insanity

sick of losing soulmates by dodie! OUGHGHG. another more petrigrof centered one but mannn . I CAN FINALLY SEE UR AS FUCKED UP AS ME SO HOW DO WE WIN. I WONT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. lighting myself on fire

death thrice dawn by the scary jokes! ngl i dont remember adding this one but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tossing this verse at u

wife by mitski!!!! is this a stretch. idc idc. ur home to mee if i am not urs what am iiii

goodbye, my danish sweetheart by mitski !! guhh magic betty and “i’m sure that uve seen what its done to my heart” and “im not the girl i ought to be” and “you can tell them what u saw in me and not the way i am” ☹️ ANDDD could we just be what we’re meant to be, im just about to beg u pleaseew ☹️💔

i guess by mitski GODDDD so proud of her for moving on and idk learning to pass the bechdel test i GUESS but im GOINJ TO EAT FIBERGLASS

ANDDD THATS THE END !!! FOR NOW !!! there will be more songs on this playlist later :3 if u read this ily and i will probably do this w/ my petrigrof playlist at some point :3

[spnexploration]

First Heat

Pairing: none

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer (briefly), John Winchester (mentioned)

Synopsis: 16yo Dean Winchester is presenting, and he's not having a fun time of it

Warnings: a tonne of swearing, a tiny moment of masturbation

This fulfills the "First Heat" square of my @spnaubingo and prompt 15 of @whumptober "I don't need you to help me, I can handle things myself"

Supernatural writing masterlist

Dean had been in pain before. He’d been injured in hunts and training, gotten in fights at school, and gotten the belt from his Dad for a variety of earned and unearned transgressions. But nothing had ever hurt like this.

This was agony.

His insides felt like they were on fire. Like a white hot knife had been plunged into his belly and was being twisted to and fro.

Worse was the realisation of what this meant: he was presenting.

He was a fucking bitch Omega.

He whimpered quietly, trying not to wake Sam. He knew his brother would worry. He knew his brother would have very valid concerns about how their Dad would react.

He didn’t want to think about that.

He wanted the pain to be over.

He whimpered again.

Sam started to stir. Fuck. Stupid bloody motel room. Why couldn’t he live in a normal house and have his own goddamn bedroom at the age of goddamn 16 so his stupid 12yo brother wouldn’t hear him whimpering like a baby when he couldn’t control it any more? Why’d he have to go through this with an audience?!

“Dean?” Sam asked in a worried voice. His eyes grew wide as they focused on Dean’s bed. Dean knew he must paint a pretty picture: drenched in sweat, shaking like a leaf and probably grimacing through his pain.

“’m fine Sammy, go back to sleep,” he grumped at him.

“You’re an Omega,” Sam breathed. He must be able to smell him. Great.

“I’m still in charge, go back to sleep,” he hissed.

Sam started climbing out of his bed. Dean growled at him, but even to his ears it sounded about as terrifying as a newborn kitten purring. He was just in so much pain.

Sam reached out and gently touched his shoulder. Dean whimpered again.

“Umm, we have to get you some help.”

“I don’t need your help, I can handle things myself!”

Sam rolled his eyes. He headed over to the motel phone on the desk.

“What-” whine- “what are you doing?” Dean stammered. “Don’t call Dad!”

“I’m not, jeez, I’m not an idiot.” Sam picked up the receiver.

“Then what are you doing?”

“Calling Bobby.”

“Sam it’s the middle of the night and I’m fine anyway.” Dean’s panting just to get through the sentence did rather betray him, but he didn’t any Sam waking anyone up and telling them his shame.

Sam rolled his eyes again. Bloody 12yos. He started dialling.

“No, no,” Dean said, throwing off his covers. He tried stand up to go stop Sam, but he fell to his knees instead, crouched over. He whined loudly, unable to stop himself.

“Bobby?” he heard Sam say. “Dean’s, umm, Dean’s presenting. He’s... I think he’s... he’s... he’s in heat.”

Dean couldn’t hear Bobby’s side of the conversation, just Sam agreeing a lot. Finally Sam hung up the call.

“Ok, he said that the pharmacy will have something you can take to make the heat stop, and then you have to see a doctor to get suppressants so you don’t have as many heats.”

Dean grunted in response. Something to make it stop sounded great right now.

“Umm...” Sam was looking shifty. There must be something else.

“Spit it out.”

“He, umm,” Sam looked down, not looking anywhere near Dean, “he wants me to go get you a collar first so you can’t get claimed by an Alpha.”

Dean hissed.

“He said you have to come to the pharmacy or they won’t give me the medicine, but it’s too dangerous for an unclaimed Omega to just wander around without a collar... Especially in heat.”

Dean punched the bed next to him. Stupid fucking bitch body.

“But, umm, nowhere will be open yet. So he said to give you some painkillers and you might want to take a shower.” Dean appreciated that Bobby sent a coded message, didn’t tell his stupid kid brother to tell him to go jack himself off.

Sam helped Dean to stand and to stumble into the bathroom. He was still in so much pain he couldn’t stand straight. Sam offered to help him get in the shower but he growled at him and he backed away.

Sam shut the door behind him. Dean leant his forehead on the cool tiles. Fucking hell.

He panted with effort as he got his drenched boxers off, choosing to imagine they were wet solely from sweat.

He painfully manoeuvred himself into the shower stall. He paused to get his breath back before tackling the taps.

The water did feel good.

He gently touched his aching cock. It was so sensitive he felt like he nearly came from that alone. He felt a rush of slick run down from his ass. That was almost a massive turn-off.

He gently pumped himself, needing only a few strokes before he messily came all over the shower screen. He panted, feeling a little better. He felt strangely empty, but he tried to ignore the implications of that.

He stood under the stream a bit longer, enjoying the sensations. Finally, the water started to turn cold, so he shut it off. He staggered out and grabbed a towel, drying himself off.

He was half-hard again already. Fucking hell.

He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door. Sam was sitting on the bed tapping his feet like he did when he was worried. He looked up quickly.

“Oi, bitch-” Crap, Dean thought. That nickname’s problematic now. “Chuck me some pants.”

Sam quickly grabbed him undies and jeans and passed them to him. He shut the door and struggled into them, panting from the effort. The relief he’d felt when he’d come was already starting to wear off.

He staggered out and made it to his bed before collapsing.

“Ok, umm, I’m going to go get you that, umm, thing...” Sam said, standing up.

“The fuck you are,” Dean growled.

“Dean, Bobby didn’t want you getting claimed by some psycho Alpha.”

“What fucking respectable establishment do you think is going to sell an Omega collar to a bloody child? You’ll have CPS on our asses in no time.”

“...Oh.”

“Let’s just go to the pharmacy and get the fucking drugs.”

“But Bobby said-”

“Fine, get Bobby back on the phone and I’ll tell him I’m not endangering you just so assholes don’t come near me. I can take care of myself.”

“I, umm, can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?”

Sam squirmed. “He’s, umm, he’s not at home anymore.”

Dean’s voice turned deeper, “What do you mean, he’s not at home anymore? Where the fuck is he?”

Sam looked down, never able to maintain eye contact when he knew he was saying something Dean wouldn’t like. “He’s on his way here...”

“He’s what?”

“He’s coming to help! He’s worried about you! He doesn’t think you’ll be able to get into a doctor without a guardian and he also doesn’t think Dad’s going to, umm, take it well... and we don’t know when he’ll be back anyway...”

“Right, well, we are going to the fucking pharmacy where I am going to fucking punch anyone who so much as looks at me like I can’t fucking buy fucking pills by my fucking self, got it?!”

“You could wear Dad’s collared shirt... Might be better than nothing,” Sam said hesitantly.

Dean huffed out a deep breath. “Fine,” he growled. Sam scampered over to Dad’s bag of extra clothes and pulled it out. Dean growled again but put it on.

He whimpered as he tried to do up his shoes, but shot a glare at Sam before he could offer to do them for him. The knife in his guts was back, but it was nothing he couldn’t deal with.

Dean swayed and clutched his belly as he stood up. Sam crossed to him quickly and held his upper arm, despite Dean’s glaring look. Reluctantly, Dean let Sam help him to the door. Sam grabbed the room key and locked it behind them. Dean held out his hand to take the key. Sam looked like he was going to argue, but he seemed to think better of it and handed it over. Dean was dammed if he was going to let a stupid thing like being an Omega stop him being the responsible one.

They staggered down the road, Dean needing frequent rest breaks. The pain was growing and growing. Both brothers were on high alert for any Alphas walking past, but it was still quite early in the morning. They made it to the pharmacy safely.

Then they had to wait outside for 15 minutes until it opened. Dean whimpered frequently, despite his best efforts not to.

Finally, finally, the door opened. Sam helped Dean up from the ground and into the shop. “My brother needs help,” he called, earning him a growl from Dean.

The pharmacist hastened over. “First heat?” she asked, a sympathetic look on her face.

“Ye-yeah,” Dean grunted.

“Is there something you can give him?” Sam asked anxiously.

“Where’s your guardian?”

“Our Dad went out of town for the night, I called his hotel and he’s on his way back but it’s a long drive,” Sam lied earnestly. “Wanted to get my brother some help first.”

“He left you alone?” she asked sharply.

“It was only one night, and my brother’s 16. He can look after us for only one night. We didn’t know he’d present.”

She pursed her lips but seemed to buy Sam’s lie about how long John had been gone.

“Right, well, we’re really supposed to have a guardian’s permission. Especially for an Omega, it’s not like he’s presenting as an Alpha,” she chuckled. Dean had to stop himself from growling at her casual sexism, that wasn’t going to get him what he wanted.

She considered. “Your father’s on his way back?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Sam answered.

“Alright, I’ll give you the first dose but I’m keeping the rest of the box. You bring your father here with the Omega when he gets back and we’ll give the rest of it.” Sam squeezed Dean’s arm in warning. Dean groaned in pain to cover his anger at her words.

“Thank you so much,” Sam gushed. She walked behind the counter and returned a minute later with a tablet which she held out to Sam. If Dean hadn’t been in so much pain he would’ve given her a piece of his mind about how she had already decided his twelve-year-old brother was somehow his guardian by proxy. Instead, after a slight pause where Sam was confused about what she was doing, he took it and then handed it to Dean.

“Do you, umm, do you have any Omega collars too?” Sam asked hesitantly. Dean growled.

“Yes, of course. Heavens, I should have suggested that!” She bustled off.

“I am not wearing a collar!” Dean hissed to Sam.

“Bobby said-” Sam whispered back.

“I will tell Bobby where he can shove his stupid-”

The pharmacist returned. “Here you go,” she said, approaching Dean with the collar open as if she was going to attach it to him. He hissed and put his arms in front of him in a defensive pose, although the fact he still couldn’t stand up straight did rather ruin the effect.

“Come now, little Omega, there’s no need to be like that.” She deftly manoeuvred around Dean’s weakened arms, and his shocked expression, and clicked the collar around his neck. “There you go, that wasn’t so bad, was it? Now no naughty Alphas can claim you.”

Sam quickly grabbed Dean’s arms, turned him around and walked with him to the exit, calling out his thanks. He was, rightly, worried that Dean would attack the woman. Dean hissed and spat whilst the Beta just waved pleasantly back at him. Fuck her.

They began the slow hobble back to the motel, Dean clawing at the collar. “Just leave it alone until we get home, you may as well have the protection now that we have it,” Sam said.

Dean kept clawing, but he was in so much pain and struggling to think and walk that he was ineffective.

Finally, they made it back to the motel room. Sam batted Dean’s hands away and quickly removed the collar. Dean gratefully collapsed on to his bed, curling into a ball and whimpering. He hoped the drugs would kick in soon, before he started crying like a baby in front of Sam.

He finally started to feel a tiny bit better, but also uncomfortable. He tossed and turned, hissing whenever the position he moved to turned out to be more painful than he’d expected. He couldn’t stop his whining, either.

He looked over at the other bed, seeing Sam’s wide eyes staring at him in worry.

“It’s alright, kiddo,” Dean said through gritted teeth, “You’re shooting up so fast you’re definitely going to be an Alpha. You won’t have to go through this.” Dean didn’t mention that he himself was tall and had assumed he’d be an Alpha, or at least a Beta.

“I’m not worried about me, Dean, I’m worried about you!”

“I’m fine,” Dean hissed. Sam rolled his eyes.

Eventually, the pain and sweating eased a little more. It felt more manageable, less like he was going to burn up and die. But he was still immensely relieved when there was a loud banging on the door, Sam opening it up to reveal Bobby on the threshold.

Dean stood up to greet Bobby, not wanting to be seen as an invalid. Bobby pulled him into a hug. Dean actually fucking whimpered like a needy bitch. “It’s alright, ya idjit,” Bobby murmured. “It’s going to be alright.”

.

.

.

Dean Winchester tag list:

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@lyarr24

@waynes-multiverse

@deans-spinster-witch

Everything Supernatural tag list:

@leigh70

@malindacath

@ellie-andthemachine

@iprobablyshipit91

@123passwort

@kazsrm67

@nerdymuffinbonkcloud

[sopranoentravesti]

Ok I’m FINALLY in a place where I have a minute and brain space to recount some of my Convention highlights:

I got 2 hugs from Nana Visitor. And she told me I look good as a Bajoran, asked me what I do, and when I told her, she asked what I do to take care of myself.

I also got told by multiple people that my eyes look similar to Nana’s (brown eyes next to the nose ridge?)

On Saturday, I wore my Kippah with my cosplay, going from Morning Services to Convention.

At one point, Robert Picardo was talking and John Billingsley was crouching down in order to surprise him and his face turned red. I thought he was having a heart attack.

I put my hand on his shoulder and was like “sir, are you okay,” until someone was like “he’s fine he’s just heckling Bob Picardo.”

Thankfully, he didn’t notice

I was a bit late for my photo with the (present) members of the DS9 cast. They had to bring Penny Johnson-Jerald back, but everyone was very gracious, understanding, and sweet.

“Who am I taking a picture with! Oh my goodness, you are too cute,” she (Penny Johnson-Jerald) also wanted to know my first and last name

They stationed Rosie, my Rollator, “center seat.” Terry Farrell complimented my vest, which I crocheted myself, and very excitedly told me she just learned how to crochet.

(I commented that despite my disability, I am unable to sit still and was taught to cope with hyperactivity and keep myself from fidgeting too bad).

J.G. Hertzler at one point approached me and was like “that [my Rollator] looks handy! Can I take a seat?” And growl chuckled and clapped my shoulder ( Klingon friendly style) when I was like “that is not honorable.”

Later he stopped me again. Apparently, one of his loved ones has MS, uses a rollator, but unlike Rosie, hers is not upright, and they are worried about it contributing to back problems. He wanted to know more, how to find one.

I asked Siddig a somewhat rambling question about Julian’s disability, Eugenics, and how that may have affected his relationship to other disabled characters, and disability in trek vs our Society as a whole.

I had my hand up for a minute and he was like “relax, you got next question” I was kind of embarrassed but then he was like “I don’t think you’re hyperactive, I just want you to not exhaust yourself“

He listened attentively, and he gave a vent like answer where he was like “I see your concerns about Star Trek obscuring / erasing disability… my general thoughts are that we are all racist (i was born in Arab Africa, in Sudan, riddled by geopolitical conflicts, Africans are also racist) we are all ableist, and all have the potential to be disabled . And unfortunately, it’s your job to appeal to me as an able bodied person, and my job to appeal to [another audience member] as a brown person …And why we need to work to change laws first, before we work on everything else. Sorry, didn’t mean to get all political.”

Later, I was sitting outside the venue for mingling because of autism ears and photosensitivity.

And he approached me and was like “hey, how are you doing? I just wanted to check in on you.”

Naturally, I aspirated my saliva and stammered something about avoiding the noise and migraines.

I didn’t think he remembered my name (one point I was attempting to steer around him and he was like “so sorry, sweet thing,”) but later when he was signing my autograph! He did! I did have to spell it, but I usually do anyways bc it’s spelled not the typical way.

At one point, I dropped a change of clothes I had packed and Bonnie Gordon came up to me “Darling, I thought your days as a stripper were over.”

Thank goodness I developed a tolerance for making a damn fool of myself.

There’s so much more. I met many cool people, including several folks I knew previously only on tumblr (hi, @xenobotanist @philosopherking1887 @cardassiangoodreads @ettaberrytea and multiple others I am forgetting just now) I got to hang out IRL with some people from the SidCity Social Club, which previously I only lurked at.

I’m still absolutely filled up with warmth. Like I can take anything

[yakultii]

@alwayschasingrainbows hi hi thank you sm for all the questions <33 I appreciate u sm ik u accidentally asked on my main but I’m gonna answer them here :))) also thank you for sending ur own answers too I loved reading them and learning more about you and found them super interesting!!!!! <3

1. What is your favourite childhood movie and why?

Strangely I’d never been big on movies or tv as a kid or even now (I want to get more into it now but my adhd still says no) my mum even told me that when I was young she could sit my brothers in front of the tv to be entertained but not me, I’d lose interest hella quickly… probs the first time I got into anything tv related was when I was 10-12 and was invested in the drama of the tv series “dance academy” on abc3 Ive actually met the producer! other than that I didn’t mind a reality show as a kid but then most of that wore off after I studied media in school and we went as live audience to “reality” shows and I realised how set up everything was and couldn’t care less afterward -

If I had to pick any movie that I loved and that still strangely brings me some sort of comfort.. it would have to be the 2010 Jaden Smith Version of Karate Kid ahahaha idk why (well I kinda do there’s lots of reasons but then I’d go on another whole tangent so I won’t) I was like 11 when it came out so I think that can count :) I can weirdly watch it over and over whereas most other movies I watch once and never again.

2. Do you have a favourite book or book series and why?

I talked about this in some previous posts on here but my fav book of all time is “Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine” by Gail Honeyman !!!!! I also am very passionate about “The uncaged sky: my 804 days in an Iranian Prison” by Kylie Moore-Gilbert (the audiobook version narrated by Kylie herself) and fav wholesome series has gotta be the Heartstopper graphic novels!!!! AHAHA again I could go on and on and on about why I love them all individually as they are all VERY DIFFERENT from each other, but I’ll literally be writing like 3 giant essays so I’ll stop myself now!! I will say, while it’s important we consume and love media that we don’t relate to to broaden our perspectives of life, it’s obviously easy to consume and love media that we see a small part of ourselves in and think this has a lot to do with why I love these so much!

3. The colour that makes you happy

Probably a dark green which reminds me of the rainforest:))))

4. Your favourite cereal?

I honestly don’t eat cereal and never really have :,) cereals were kinda demonised in my house as a child (almond mum tings?) but then eventually they weren’t anymore but I never rlly enjoyed their taste - this is such a sad answer but probably Kelloggs sultans bran LMAO. I haven’t had it for years but I rlly don’t mind it … I think it’s probably very different to American cereals cause it’s not sweet … one time I went to an American food store here in Aus and everything I tried taste like pure sugar and hurt my stomach so bad LOL never again I’m hoping and praying that Americans have other food options not featured in this store 😭 cos I understand some of it as a one off dessert but like everyday breakfast omg noooo I hope ur stomachs are ok

5. Your favourite gemstone?

I’m ngl I don’t have a super passionate answer about this one off the top of my head (sorry I’m such a boring person!!) I think they’re all so pretty!!! I gave them a google to try decide which I like most but it’s impossible .. I think I love any of the blue ones!! I’ll tell you one thing I rlly don’t love the yellow topaz cos I’m born in Nov and I see it on everything and I swear it’s the worst one imo like liteeally any other one I love! But I can still appreciate it ig :,)

6. Any activity you liked as a child and do you still like it now?

My biggest pain as a child was athletics!!!! I used to be competitive in 100m, 200m, long jump and triple jump :) sadly I no longer do athletics or compete but my passion for running/competitiveness lived on and by 15 I ran my first half marathon.. but from 17 onwards I got quite sick and was unable to run (minus a few little months of getting back into it over the yrs only to have to stop again) and now I’m 24 and finally getting back into it again.. kinda.. cos my health is still kinda shit but I’ll go for a lot shorter runs a couple times a week and hoping and praying my health gets better so I can proper get back into it.. not to compete anymore just for myself cos it’s one of the only things in this life that brings me joy :) I’ve also always loved taking photos although I’m not professional or anything it’s just been a fun little hobby I guess.. I have a few diff cameras but in currently trying (failing) to save for this new different one.. just waiting for my uni scholarship money this tri bc I’m too unwell to use it to go on a holiday atm I’m gonna use it to buy this camera I’ve been wanting oop :,) I’m a much bigger a fan of film photography over digital but the camera I’m planning on buying is kinda a combo of both eg. It produces images of a similar vibe to film photography but is actually digital so u don’t have to worry about wasting film :) it’s also a point and shoot, super small and can be taken anywhere which is much better than my current digital camera which is bulky and has a million settings idk how to use lol.

7. Have you ever read Lucy Maud Montgomery books?

I was about to say no I’ve never heard of her but then I googled it and saw Anne of Green Gables which I read when I was like literally 8… and as I’ve said in a previous post I never remember what I’ve read even if I read it two minutes ago bc adhd tings but I always remember how it made me feel - and I remember really enjoying it! Maybe I should give it a reread cause I barely remember what it was about :,) as for the rest of her books I don’t think I’ve read any! I love so much that you have a fandom page omgggg I wish I was that passionate about something !!!! PLS PLS give me recommendations if someone were only to read 1 of her books .. okay maybe 2 for now!!!!! I might actually give them a read :)))

Thank you thank you again for all ur kinds words I hope u have the most amazing day/night <33333 I appreciate u a lot!

[oscars-wifeyyy]

Career Day Pt 1

It was Development Day at Abbott Elementary and all the teachers were gathered in the gymnasium to go through it. Lina was sitting behind Gregory Eddie on her phone as she was waiting for the day to start when one of her good friends, Janine Teagues, had entered the gym; however, she knew that she was going to sit next to Greg so she stayed on her phone. When Janine reached the row that Gregory was in, Gregory had asked.

“Left or right?”

“Ummm, left,” Janine smiled and sat down, “Thank you,”

“Good choice, good choice,” Gregory said.

“Hey, Lina. How are you?” Janine turned to ask the mildly experienced teacher.

“I’m good as can be. I’m breathing,” Lina shrugged.

That was when Development Day began, and Ava started talking, “Good day to the fine teachers of Abbott Elementary,”

Everyone had turned to look at Gregory while he rolled his eyes and sighed.

“What?” Ava asked.

“No comment about Gregory being F-O-I-N, foine?” Melissa asked, which caused Lina to smirk.

“No, Ms. Schemmenti. I was speaking to everyone, but since all eyes are on him, uh, Mr. Eddie, would you mind reading from the first paragraph of your immaculately assembled binder?” Ava asked.

“Sexily?” Gregory asked.

“Excuse me. That is not only suggestive but highly inappropriate in front of our company,” Ava motioned to the three people standing on the stage.

“Uh, hi. Hi, everybody,” the man said, causing Lina to look at him with a slightly slack jaw as she processed his attractiveness. We’re from the school district. Principal Coleman invited us to observe and collaborate with you on this Development Day.”

“Yes! The importance of collaboration is one of the many things I learned while matriculating at Cambridge,” Ava said.

Lina scoffed and shook her head as the principal spoke about how she had gone to Harvard over the summer.

“We’re super excited to be here on behalf of the new superintendent, John Reynolds. I’m Manny. That’s my dream team over there. That’s Emily. That’s Simon,” Manny introduced his coworkers, “And we don’t come empty-handed. We come with some iPads and SMART boards for your classrooms, loaded with learning apps.” Claps were heard scattered through the audience.

“New and improved models,” Melissa leaned towards Barbara.

“Same old engines,” Barbara said, “these people aren’t gonna change a blessed thing except how many bodies are in the room,”

Lina continued sitting there, stoic, as Ava told Gregory that he still needed to read the first passage of the binder. When Gregory finished reading, Ava muttered into the microphone what she had to say next. So, she emerged from behind the podium and started dancing, asking if anyone had any ideas they would like to implement from the summer.

Janine raised her hand.

“Janine! One of our most…teachers at Abbott,” Ava introduced.

“So, I was thinking over the summer while I was spending time with myself and just thinking about what really led me to this point in my life…” Janine rambled.

“Janine, get to the point!” Lina groaned as she put her head back. Manny couldn’t help but notice Lina and had a slight smile on his face; however, Lina didn’t notice it herself.

“Ok, a Career Day. I think we should do Career Day at the school because I checked, and we haven’t had one since the only jobs for women were typists, moms, and wet nurses. I think it’d be a great way for the kids to see all of the amazing jobs they can have. That’s it. That’s my idea. I’m done. Career Day,” Janine sat back down and smiled with Gregory.

“I could go into the plethora of reasons that won’t work—scheduling, previous failed attempts, the fact that it was your idea,” Ava listed.

“Right, but there is a way-” Janine started but was cut off by Ava, which made Lina bite her cheek and glare at Ava.

“But I’m just gonna go ahead and say no and save you the embarrassment,” Ava said.

“Sometimes, I just wanna shove my foot so far up her ass that you can see it out of her mouth, but professionalism or whatever,” Lina told the camera crew with a groan.

Development Day had ended, and Janine and Lina started walking out together when Manny stopped them.

“Hey. Janine, right? I’m Manny, which I said up there.” Manny said, “I just wanted to say that Career Day sounded good. It’s a good idea. I would love to hear more.”

“Thank you! So you guys are new at the district?” Janine asked.

“Yup. Just started over the summer. Loving it so far. Feel like we’re gonna make a lot of positive changes and do what the last administration didn’t. Nobody embezzling find on my watch,”

Janine chuckled while Lina giggled, “Love that,” Janine said.

“Actually, one of the things we wanted to do today was shadow a teacher. Can we shadow you?” Manny asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Janine nodded, “I’m just gonna be setting up my classroom with Lina,” Janine motioned toward Lina.

“Exciting!”

“It is exciting,” Janine smiled.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna grab my coworkers. They’re talking to Principal Coleman over there. You guys are so lucky. You have such a good principal,” Manny smiled and walked away.

“Yeah, right,” Lina rolled her eyes as she walked out when Manny caught up to them.

The five-person group started walking toward Janine’s class, and Lina couldn’t help but start a conversation.

“So, where’d you teach before pivoting to the school district?” Lina asked.

Manny looked at Lina, “I didn’t, actually. But I grew up here, though. My first-hand experience is more from when I was a student in the area.”

“Oh, alright. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to teach at Abbott. Because I was a student in the area, as well, so…this is my room,” Janine motioned towards the room.

“What are you making here?” Emily asked.

“A welcome back sign for the kids. We’re gonna decorate it together so that everyone feels included. I try to implement a lot of color. Wanted to go with blue because that inspires focus.”

“And calm, which is so important for primary classes. I read about that in Chalkbeat,” Manny said.

“You read Chalkbeat?” Janine asked.

Manny hummed in agreeance.

“I basically live in the comment section, so…” Janine smiled.

“Oh, my God. Are you @JTeagues215?” Manny smiled.

“Yes! And @JTeagues267 when I wanna spice up the discourse,” Janine grinned.

“Ms. Teagues, I’m @MannyFromTheBlock. I’m always using this emoji,” Manny did a salute.

“That’s you! I love your comments,” Janine complimented.

“I love your comments,” Manny complimented back.

Lina felt like a third wheel, so she started walking back to her class, which caught Manny’s eye, but he didn’t comment. However, she ran into Gregory, and they started talking when Janine walked out behind her.

“Hey! Fancy meeting you here,” Janine smiled at the teacher.

“Oh, I’m just bringing in the workbooks. Oh! There is a ten-for-ten sale at Nichols School Supplies, by the way.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Janine cursed, but it didn’t sound right, so Lina stared at her with a deadpan look. “Trying out cursing. Still getting the hang of it. How was Baltimore?”

Lina was no longer interested and slowly headed to her classroom. When she got inside, she connected her phone to her speaker and played her playlist while fixing her classroom. She quickly got into it and started dancing fluidly as she put stuff where it should be, but jumped when she heard a small chuckle at the door. She quickly turned to see Manny with a smile on his face.

“Oh, my God! Hey, Manny. What brings you in here?” Lina blushed and paused her music.

“Nothing. I just wanted to come in here and say that it was very nice to meet you, and I hope we see more of each other,” Manny smiled.

“Yeah, yeah. Same here,” Lina blushed, “I’m sorry you had to see me do all that,”

“No, no. It was nice. You know how to dance,” Manny smiled, “Well, I have to be on my way out. I’ll see you later,”

“Yeah. I’ll see you later,” Lina softly smiled at him.

Manny walked out, and she couldn’t help but sigh and then groan at the thought of embarrassing herself in front of him.

The following day, Lina came into school and dropped her stuff off before going to Barbara’s class to see if she needed any help, only to see that she was moving her desks. She quickly sprung into action and helped her when Simon and Emily walked in. The conversation wasn’t interesting to her so she zoned out as she helped with the desks until she heard his voice.

“The legendary Mrs. Howard and the beautiful Ms. Kim,,” Manny’s voice rang from the door, “I haven’t had a chance to connect with you yet, but I hear you’re the one,” Manny held out his hand.

“Charmed,” Barbara said with a condescending smile. Meanwhile, Lina couldn’t help but softly chuckle at Barbara’s annoyance.

“We’re actually working on a program to get assistants in the classroom at the beginning of the school year instead of you having to request one that doesn’t get here until January,” Manny explained.

“Alright. Excuse me, I have to finish some work in my classroom.” Lina smiled and left the room.

Gregory and Melissa were there with the other teachers when she got to her classroom, so she listened to their conversation. Their conversation was about resetting Ava and how Gregory would be their last resort regarding their plan of resetting Ava.

“How do you expect me to reset Ava?” Gregory asked.

“I don’t know. Flex your muscles, be whore-y. It’s up to you,” Melissa shrugged while leaving the classroom.

Once Melissa was out of the room, Lina busted out in laughter because of the face that Gregory was making. Gregory groaned and walked out of the classroom, not feeling like being laughed at by Lina. Lina shook her head and continued with her activities when Manny walked into her class again.

“Hey, Lina. How are you today?” Manny asked.

“Hey. I’m good. What about yourself?” Lina asked.

“Good. Good,” Manny smiled, “I wanted to come in here and see if I could get your number so you can, you know, send me any new ideas you possibly could have with making the school better,” Manny rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh, of course,” Lina fished her phone out of her pocket, “here, put it in and text yourself so we can keep in touch,”

“Awesome,” Manny grinned as he took her phone, inputted his number, and texted himself, “Well, that is it for me here for now. Hopefully, I’ll see you out and about,”

“Yeah. I’d like that,” Lina blushed and watched him make his way out of her classroom, only to meet his eyes when he looked back and winked. Her blush pushed back harder on her cheeks, and she giggled.

When the day was over, Gregory, Jacob, Janine, and Lina went to Rubenstien’s for a drink. They talked about resetting Ava in the gym by blasting City Girls. Lina was laughing at the guy’s shared memory of Gregroy flexing his muscles in front of Ava’s office.

“You flexed?” Janine asked in surprise, “Well, did you guys try just playing ‘Back That Azz Up’?”

Jacob gasped, “How did you know to do that? Wow, you really are district material,”

“Oh, stop,” Janine saw Gregory and Lina’s confused faces, “So, Manny offered me a fellowship at the district. And I’m like 80/20 on doing it.”

“So, you’d leave Abbott,” Gregory concluded.

“Well, yeah, but not permanently,” Janine pointed out.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” Lina smiled at her friend.

“I am, too. And jealous. And sad. I’m emotional, which calls for shots.” Jacob stood up and went to the bar.

“I’ll come with you to help carry them,” Lina stood up. She only really left to let the teachers crush on each other alone. When she got to the bar with Jacob, she leaned on it, “When are those two gonna realize that they like each other and make the jump?”

“I know! It’s like watching dough rise,” Jacob rolled his eyes.

“Anyways, I gotta tell somebody. I think Manny is so attractive!” Lina giggled.

“Literally, same! Oh, my God. You should ask for his number!” Jacob hyped Lina up.

“I got it. He asked me for mine before he left. He said it was so I could text him any ideas I had for improving the school.” Lina smiled.

“Oh, my God. He totally has a thing for you,” Jacob grinned at his friend.

“What? No! It can’t be that,” Lina shook her head.

“Uhh, yes, it could. You’re hot and have a nice body and the greatest personality! I say ask him on a date,” Jacob shrugged.

“I don’t think so. I’m big on the guy asking, so I know he’s interested,” Lina shook her head, “My mom always told me that, and I believe her and that ideal,”

[heartberrydog]

OK, read the fic!

I am.

Very normal about this. 😃

Yep.

So normal. 😃

Is there any other way I would feel about necrophilia? 😃😃😃😃😃

Of course not! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

...

Uuuuuuuuuugh.

You can't DO that to me.

I don't even LIKE phone sex, why was it SO HOT!!??!!?? I hate them. This is unfair. Why is Dazai literally me. I hate him. Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

I can't even be coherent about this review. It's just. Screaming. Screeching. Gaaaaaaaaaah.

HELLO AGAIN!!! *blinks innocently at you*

I take it you enjoyed the fic then!! YAY! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂)⸝♡

I don’t particularly like phone sex either. Which is why I had to write it. I love challenging myself with stuff like this <3 To prove to myself that it can be done in an enjoyable way (for me personally. I am the intended audience for all my work sbsjsns).

Fun little fact. This fic is inspired by a draft I found within my documents from around a year ago. I noticed that I still really liked the start of the fic, but it all went downhill right when it got sexual and the actual dirty talk kicked in (There is genuinely just so many ways to go wrong with phone sex it's hilarious. "What are you wearing?" "What would you do if I was there?" "Imagine me X" Just. Verbally NARRATING what they would do like it's actually happening??? Miss me with that alllllll shit. Get AWAY) So I figured that if I had a way to build this up without any cringe, try-hard dirty talk, it could actually work. Which is how we ended with this beautiful abomination.

They actually weren't supposed to verbally acknowledge that Dazai is getting off to this at all when I first started writing, but as always the fic has a mind of its own.... I’m not mad about it in the slightest, though, because we got another necrophilia fantasy through that!! Yay!!! Dazai you little freak!!!!! And kind of a rape fantasy on Chuuya's part?? Like he definitely does imply he'd fuck Dazai against his will precisely so it would hurt. He doesn't mean it, but he does say it, unprompted. They're both little freaks!!!!!!! :D

Also, the original draft that inspired this is nowhere close to what this fic actually ended up being, but that's fine because I do believe the premise to be a little ooc for the canon universe. Could probably work in a modern setting, though, but a modern setting doesn't exactly allow for murder fantasies... Might work something out here someday, idk.

Also, it's hot because I wrote it 🙄 Obviously 🙄🙄 /j

Thank you for the update ansjsj!! Always happy to hear people's thoughts. And their incoherent screams, too. I do feed on the struggles of the innocent <3

Have a wonderful day! 💓

P.S.: "Why is Dazai literally me. I hate him." is SO real of you. Relatable.

[felledpauper]

Alright, the first part of KTW: Runa is, admittedly, not the most thrilling. It is a crucial element of this 10 part story, and I’m extremely proud of it, but I’m also aware that it probably won’t hook people in the same way the rest of the story will. And I KNOW the rest of the story will, because (patting myself on the back here) it is fucking GOOD. These characters are engaging, the plot is tantalizing, the world building is done in a way that immerses you immediately but shouldn’t be completely overwhelming. And the writing? Like the dialogue with the characters and actual words on the page? Phenomenal.

But that initial “WOW!” element isn’t there in the first part. It feels like I’m committing a cardinal sin when it comes to creating a story. I’m supposed to reel people in. I’m supposed to create something so eye-catching that you can’t help but read more. And I didn’t do that in the first part, and you know what…that’s ok. Because the first part is still good, and shows off the style, and depth, and GORGEOUS art that brings everything to life.

So maybe I haven’t set myself up for the success potential accompanied by proper intro engagement. Maybe this is a story that won’t get discovered for awhile. But I know that people will love it. Not everyone, and that’s 100% fine. But it will find an audience. Don’t know how big, but that doesn’t really matter. SOMEONE will love this world and these characters as much as I do. I know it.

So prepare. There will be blood. There will be love. Not everyone has seen the truth in the world yet. But they will. Because these characters are driven by something that everyone, regardless of the fashion in which they observe it, has felt.

The hunger to make things better.

So if you want to help me start this journey, you can do so through the link. It’ll happen no matter what, because I believe in this. Everyone is making something. And it’s all wonderful. This will be no exception. I won’t claim brilliance, or something so unique it’ll blow everything else out of the water. That’s foolhardy. I can only promise one thing:

This story will make you feel something real.

And that’s all I ever wanted to achieve.