#it’s not gonna age well whereas I think rise has

[sweet-jolly-fucken-ranchers]

desperately doing shadow work because I’ve become hyper fixated on rise of teenage mutant ninja turtles and I know when I have a hyper fixation on media instead of hobbies I’m neglecting a part of myself and looking for escapism

[babydollmarauders]

TOLERATE IT — JOHN MARINO

john marino x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n’s love is tolerated at best, and she wonders what ever happened to her loving boyfriend

warnings: not much dialogue in the beginning?, happy or sad ending depending on the way you look at it, not proofread.

notes: i love writing angst but as a john girlie, this hurt me— but i did this to myself

the page turns, John’s fingers skimming it gently.

his head is dipped low, one leg perched on the other. he’s sat on the other end of the sofa, engrossed in his book; whereas i pay no attention to the movie that plays on the tv, rather watching him instead.

his demeanor is peaceful, and i know better than to actually disturb him. this is some of the only time he gets to relax, and i don’t want to take that away from him. so i sit quietly instead, just enjoying the rare company.

but i can’t help but wish he would actually do something with me. watch a movie, cuddle, talk, anything. instead i’m subjected to medium silence and the sound of paper flipping.

i turn the tv off, rising from the couch, and his eyes flicker up at my movement, but he dismisses it quickly, going back to his book.

“i’m going to bed.” i tell him softly, quietly yearning for him to join me, but instead he just hums in acknowledgment. “are you gonna join me?”

his eyes scan the page for a few more seconds as i stand before him, waiting for his response. finally, he looks up at me properly, shaking his head.

“no, i’m good.”

my heart sinks at his reply, but i nod, “okay.”

i spend my entire bedtime routine hoping that he’ll walk into the room. that maybe he’ll change his mind and for once, we’ll go to bed together; like we did early in our relationship. but when i climb into an empty bed and he’s still in the living room, i have to accept the fact that it’s not happening. that those days are apparently over.

**

i stir in my sleep, shifting under the weight of an arm draped over my waist, and for a second my heart leaps in my chest, thinking John has decided to cuddle me as i slept. but when i turn under his touch, my eyes fluttering open, i find him asleep. the spooning an unconscious movement, and as soon as it’s started, it’s already over, his arm drawing back as he moves in his slumber to lay on his back.

i settle on my side, resting my head in my hand as i watch the steady rise and fall of his chest in the darkness of the room. the silence piercing as i watch him breathe.

what ever happened to the boy who held me as we slept? the same one who comforted me when people criticized our five year age gap. the one who told me he would do anything to keep me happy.

***

my heart races in my chest as i set the dining table.

the usual plastic plates and cups being replaced for fine china and wine glasses. a singular candle is lit in the middle of the table, next to the steaming pasta that waits to be served. homemade french bread sits beside it, a dish of herb infused butter resting atop of the wood as well.

i spent all day in the kitchen, making everything from scratch. the noodles, the sauce, the bread, the butter, all done today by me. as well as John’s favorite chocolate cake, in which i got the recipe from his mother.

it’s officially our two year anniversary, and i took advantage of the fact that John had practice today and then was going to the gym. i figured a slightly early dinner and then dessert would be a good plan before i gave him his present and then hopefully we would make our way to the bedroom.

but now i sit in my seat at the table, awaiting his return. he had told me he would be home by six, but the clock on the dining room wall displays that it’s a quarter past seven and he still isn’t home.

i’ve stuck the food into the oven to keep warm at this point, but the empty chair across from me and the soft music that floats through the house taunts me.

“alexa, stop the music.” the instrumental cuts off abruptly, tears welling in my eyes at my boyfriends absence.

i’m just about ready to eat by myself and call it an early night when i hear the front door open, footsteps echoing through the house, getting closer and closer. they halt when he reaches the dining room, and i look up to find him standing in the doorway.

his brows are threaded together, his gym bag slung over his shoulder.

“you made dinner?” he questions, setting his bag on the ground beside him.

i perk up immediately, disappointing myself with how quickly i’m ready to move past his lateness.

“yeah.” i smile, motioning toward the empty seat. “take a seat, i’ll go grab it out of the oven! i was waiting for you to get home.”

he nods, sitting down as i scurry towards the kitchen. i bring the pasta and bread and butter out one at a time before taking my seat across from him.

i’m on the edge of my seat, eagerly awaiting his praise for my cooking and the setup, or even just a ‘happy anniversary, baby.’ but it never comes. we eat silently as he scrolls on his phone, and when he finishes his food, he quickly stands to dismiss himself.

“wait!” he stops at my shout, furrowing his brows at me. “i made cake.”

my eyes are soft, silently begging him to stay.

despite the fact that he evidently forgot our anniversary, i’m still eager to please him; vying for his attention and love, the best i can.

he nods, settling back down in his seat.

“dinner, cake, wine, and glass plates?” he laughs, “you were feeling fancy tonight.”

my heart shatters in my chest. even though i know he forgot the date, it still hurts to hear him speak like it’s just another day. proving even further that he doesn’t know how special today is.

“well, yeah, it’s-” i’m so close to reminding him, but then i think of how guilty he’ll feel, and i stop. “it’s just been a good day.”

i plaster a smile on my lipstick covered lips, hoping he’ll buy it; and he does. he gives me a small smile back and i excuse myself to the kitchen, taking a moment to blink back tears before i cut into the cake, setting a slice on a plate and hurrying back to him.

i place the dessert in front of him, before sitting back down, just watching him as he eats. i’m no longer in a cake mood, my appetite gone as i push my still only half eaten pasta around my plate.

“Jack said hi, by the way.” he speaks between bites and i hum.

“that’s nice, i’ll have to text him.” i acknowledge. “i talked to your mom today.”

“you did?”

“yeah, i called her for the cake recipe.” i explain. “she said to tell you to call her.”

maybe she can remind him what day it is, seeing as she remembered it as soon as i called her.

“okay, i’ll call her soon.” he tells me, finishing his last bite before he stands once more.

“anything else, or can i take a shower now?” he asks, as though i’ve inconvenienced him somehow.

“you can shower.” i wait until he’s walking away, heading down the hallway to our room before i speak again, lowly whispering. “happy anniversary.”

i know i deserve better; that my love should be celebrated. i know that i deserve someone who will remember our anniversary; maybe even someone who will get me flowers just because and who will spend time with me and appreciate my love rather than tolerate it, but i love him.

***

i sit backwards, on my knees on a chair in the living room, facing the front door. i wait eagerly, checking the time on my phone religiously.

i know John should be home soon. a week long roadie finally ending with his long awaited return.

it’s half past two in the morning, much later than i normally stay up, but i refuse to let him arrive home without a proper welcoming.

my eyes are half lidded, but excitement still courses through my veins, remembering his three goals and seven assists in this past four games.

i perk up at the sound of the front door unlocking, watching with baited breath as it creaks open. John steps through the doorway, looking exhausted, slipping his shoes off and dropping his roadie bag on the floor.

i squeal excitedly, gaining his attention as i hop off my chair and run straight into his arms.

“welcome home, Johnny!” i cheer, snaking my arms around his neck, and jumping up to wrap my legs around his waist.

he stiffens for a split-second, letting out an ‘oomph’ before his hands fly to my butt to hold my weight.

“jesus, y/n, warn a guy, would you?” he huffs out a laugh and i lean back to look at his face, expecting a smile but all i see is a blank expression and tired eyes.

i give a sad smile, unwrapping my legs and letting my body slide down his.

suddenly, i feel incredibly insecure, my happy mood diminishing and quickly being replaced by regret.

“you’re right, i’m sorry.” i breathe out, backing away. “i guess i was overly excited.”

i turn quickly in order to keep him from seeing my now glassy eyes, tears threatening to spill as i retreat down the hall to our bedroom.

i don’t expect for him to accompany me, but suddenly i can hear his footsteps behind me, slowly following.

“what was that?” he questions as we reach the bedroom.

i can feel myself reaching my boiling point, choosing to ignore his words as i walk into the en-suite bathroom. i turn the shower water on, but he follows me into the bathroom too.

“y/n.”

y/n. not ‘babe’ or ‘love’. just y/n.

i swallow the lump in my throat before i turn to face him.

“aren’t you gonna go to bed?” i ask in attempt to avoid his question. “you seem tired.”

“aren’t you?” he raises a brow, and i shake my head.

i jab my thumb towards the shower behind me, “i’m gonna shower first.”

“i see that.” he huffs. “what was that? you just walked away from me.”

i sigh, knowing what’s finally coming, and turn to shut off the shower water before facing him again.

“doesn’t feel good, does it?” i walk around him, back into the bedroom, but he’s hot on my heels.

“what?” his hand grips my wrist, spinning me back around to look at him. “what are you talking about?”

“look, if this is all in my head, tell me now.” i start, only confusing him further by the looks of his expression. “but, you don’t love me anymore.”

tell me i’ve got it wrong.

he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath before he opens them again. “what are you even saying? i’m dating you, aren’t i?”

“are you?” i laugh bitterly, taking a couple steps backwards. “or are you tolerating me?”

“y/n,” he sighs, shaking his head. “you’re tired. and i must’ve upset you somehow, but you’re not making any sense.”

“you don’t appreciate me!” i shout, my hands gesturing wildly in the air.

“i cooked a nice dinner for our anniversary and you were late and forgot the date! and while you’re off playing hockey and winning games, where am i? here! i sit here and polish plates until they gleam and glisten. i clean the house and sit and wait for your return, and then when you do get home, you don’t even seem happy to see me! at all!”

John blinks in surprise at my outburst, his lips parting to speak, but i cut him off before he can get a word out.

“i made you my everything and you don’t even seem to care! i’ve been begging for you to love me again but i’m done! what happened to the man that assured me that my past relationships didn’t define me? the you that actually spent time with me?”

my chest heaves as i regain my breath, watching his expression change from confusion to defensiveness.

“i spend time with you!” he huffs and i roll my eyes.

“no, you sit and you read or you watch games or you do something by yourself on the other side of the couch.” i clarify dejectedly, nearly ready to give up. “you don’t do things with me. and if i try, you wave me off.”

“i just- i don’t understand where this is coming from.” he tells me, and i slump on the end of the bed, furiously wiping away tears that have begun to fall.

“that’s just it. you assume i’m fine with this, because i’ve let it go on for too long. i’ve sat here, and i’ve painted you in the best colors, and i’ve put you on this pedestal. i told myself that if i just did more- if i just did anything you could ever hope for- then we would be fine. that eventually you’ll love me again and you’ll treat me how you used to and we would be happy. but instead i watch you live your life and i’m delegated to the sidelines, begging to be even a minor part of your life. you tolerate me living with you. you tolerate my existence. and you tolerate my love.

“but i’m done. i can’t do it anymore.” my face falls in my hands, sobs wracking my chest.

i’ve finally given up.

John is quiet, but i can hear his feet padding against the floor for a moment, moving farther away before he comes back.

his fingers spread across my thigh, and when i drag my hands away from my face, opening my eyes to look at him, he’s kneeled on the floor in front of me.

“i’m sorry that you feel i don’t love you anymore. i never meant to make you feel like you’re just tolerated in my life. but i promise you, i see you. i do appreciate everything you do for me, and the love that you give me.”

his hand leaves my skin, fumbling with something in his grasp before holding it up.

my heart skips a beat, those butterflies returning in my stomach as my lips part in surprise. my eyes lock in on the diamond ring that sits in the little black velvet box in his hands.

“i promise, you’re not just going tolerated. i love you, and i want you in my life forever.” my gaze flickers up to his face, and i already begin nodding my head. “will you marry me?”

i nod even faster, an excited grin spreading over my lips, and he smiles softly, removing the ring from the box and slipping it onto my outstretched finger.

i admire it for a second, appreciating how right it looks to have a ring on my finger.

this is it.

this is what i did it all for.

what i’ve waited my whole life for.

my hands cup his face, pulling him in to press my lips to his.

“i love you.” i whisper, my lips still burning for his, and in response, he pulls me in for another kiss.

when we finally part, we begin to get ready for bed, effectively ignoring the outburst i just had. and once we climb into bed, i kiss him once more, melting into his touch like i used to.

“i’m sorry, you must be tired. i took up so much of your time tonight, you could’ve been asleep by now.” i mumble, listening to his heartbeat under the weight of my head.

“it’s okay. don’t apologize.” his fingers run through my hair and he turns off his bedside lamp, blanketing the room in darkness. “i love you.”

i fully plan on responding, but amongst the comfort, my eyes have already turned heavy, and speaking feels like too much work. my breathing evens out as i bask in the closeness of this moment.

i love him.

[mrs-gauche]

So, on the new teaser published on DA Day this year, while I won't even try to go as in-depth as the amazing @felassan already did, compiling everything of note in this excellent post, like the sleep deprived German with limited vocabulary that I am, I'm just gonna add my little two cents to it, hopefully not repeating too much of what has already been mentioned. 😁

So why not start with the caption here!

This honestly made me snort out loud. 😂 I mean, it's like BioWare is not even trying anymore to be subtle about the fact that Thedas has we know it is 100% doomed. lol And yes, I know we all joke about Thedas constantly being in Apocalypse mode, but this time it really feels like some massive change is approaching.

But to be specific, I am pretty confident in that this is referring to both the destruction of the Veil, as well as the freed Evanuris dooming the world through some kind of mega Blight.

When I first read the word "revelation", it immediately made me think of Solas' Tower tarot card. The Tower literally represents sudden, disruptive revelation and potentially destructive change. While "damnation" is the concept of a divine punishment, to be "doomed to suffer in hell forever".

And as felassan theorized, if the last person in the teaser speaking is Elgar'nan, and if he is in fact connected to the Old God Lusacan, who is the God of Night, bringing about the "eternal night" and darkness…

“Lusacan, the Dragon of Night, calls to you. He lives where it is darkest and waits for the day he will rise. Drink of his blood and know the power in darkness: either fear the Night or wield it." "The darkspawn yearn to awaken and corrupt Lusacan to start a new age of darkness." “A night that will never end”

...Whereas the "revelation"/Solas tearing down the Veil, to me at least, always seemed to be associated with light or "purification" (for lack of a better word), with how it was described in Sandal’s prophecy and the way the destruction of the Veil was portrayed in the 2022 cinematic, almost blindlingly bright. (Also, "Solas" literally means "light" in Irish. lol)

„One day the magic will come back. All of it. Everyone will be just as they were. The shadows will part. And the skies will open wide. When he rises, everyone will see.“

So I think, like this "revelation" contrasts the "damnation", like Light and Darkness, at least in terms of visual language, there could be a hint of a figurative, as well as a literal "clashing" of two opposing forces? Like, both are destructive, but like The Tower represents destruction in order to rebuild/to enforce new growth/for the soul to evolve, while the damnation is nothing but irreparable corruption?

Anyway! So generally speaking, the teaser highlights yet again three of the factions/places we've seen in all the 2020 teaser/concept art/books/comics. It looked absolutely gorgeous and the voice over gave me goosebumps, as well as the amazing score again (that may or may not be composed by Hans Zimmer and/or Lorne Balfe lol I wonder) and the sound design! <3333 Though what’s curious to me, is that neither the Shadow Dragons of Tevinter or the Veil Jumpers from the Arlathan Forest were mentioned this time around…

So, I think this time the teaser might be more about the main plot beats/quests in the game than about the protagonist's potential origins, like how in DAO and DAI, you travelled to various places gathering allies and completed their respective narratives first before facing the main threat. Each of the places shown is coupled with a voice over from what is most likely gonna be an important character in each of these plot beats.

The fact that they changed the word "hero" in the plot blurb on the official DA website to "leader" is also.. interesting. It kinda reminds me of when Mark Darrah mentioned that the "vision statement" for Joplin was gonna be "We would be heroes, but the records are sealed". 👀 Or maybe the new protagonist might not be so heroic after all and more on the morally grey spectrum, which is always nice to explore. lol Makes me also yet again wonder about the "They call me the Dread Wolf. What will they call you when this is over?" line, meaning that, no matter how heroic our actions might be, in the end history might still remember us as the villain.

Antiva

This looks phenomenal and if they actually manage to realize a city as big as what this suggests AND fill it with meaningful content and people (side-eyeing you, Val Royeaux lol), it will blow my mind! lol Like felassan said, I'm very curious if we're gonna do some Assassin's Creed style "parkour" here, like what was kinda described in the short story "As We Fly" from last year! The Crows as the only real military defense of Antiva, particularly in Treviso, seem to be in deep trouble now, having been invaded by the Antaam and if you look closely, you can actually see the banner of the Qunari being displayed in the city!

"We fight for everyone. And we always will. The Crows rule Antiva."

My first thought hearing the voice here was actually Caterina Dellamorte. The lines express authority or leadership and it's also a more elderly sounding voice (to me at least), so Caterina as the First Talon would make a lot of sense to me! There have also been lots of speculation about her grandson, Lucanis, being a potential companion as well.

Rivain

(Oh no, all of Rivain got eaten by a squid. lol)

I've been hoping to go there ever since I first saw concept art of Rivain, and this is still giving me huge Pirates of the Caribbean (but with magic) vibes. 😂 As someone who thoroughly enjoyed playing AC Black Flag like ten years ago, this looks VERY promising! Though please, if we're getting any kind of underwater combat (like with the Vinsomer mentioned in the codex entry from last year), just don't make me fight dragons underwater, I'm still traumatized by the Lagiacrus in Monster Hunter Tri. 💀

"Glory to the risen gods. They come to deliver this world."

As to who is saying this, honestly, no idea. 😂 The blurb on the website mentions dragons in this place acting up for some reason, and the line sounds very cultist. lol But I'm definitely with felassan here, too, that this has to be connected to the Evanuris as well, given this GIANT squid thing on the map and all of the horrifying ocean related stuff linked to Ghilan'nain and her monstrosities, my money is also on her being one of these "risen gods".

And honestly… If I was a simple sailor or pirate and then one day I would see this emerge from the ocean…

….I'd probably start believing in these "gods", too. lmao

Anderfels

Next up, we're going to the Anderfels and Weisshaupt and I don't really have anything to add to what has already been said, other than "Shit is definitely Going Down Here". lol Lorewise, it would be crazy to go there and learn more about the very beginnings of the Wardens at their headquarters, so.. given the lines, the ominous sound of battle in the background here and some *things* from those reddit leaks earlier this year (felassan made a great post about this too, but spoiler warning of course!).. I just hope there will be enough left of Weisshaupt to explore after all this. lol

"Grey Wardens don't hide in our castle. I won't ask good soldiers to turn tail and run."

My first guess was the First Warden as well, but felassan actually made a few very good points here that make me question it… 🤔

I was also wondering what these "pillar ring" things are and while I first thought some kind of magical defense mechanism, I saw a reddit user suggesting that these rings could be part of a griffon training flight path?? Hell YEAH. #BringBackGriffonsInDA4

"Tremors have been creating disturbances of late. Their cause is unknown. Upon the distant horizon, a storm of ominous intent brews and darkens the skies."

That is a very interesting description, given that the sky in *this* concept art (which is definitely also showing Weisshaupt), is quite clearly the opposite of "dark". lol

(*looking suspiciously at the things I mentioned at the beginning here about "Light and Darkness" clashing* 👀👀👀 Maybe Solas came to visit here, too, because he just loves the Wardens, right? lol)

You know, if I read the words "tremors" and "Grey Wardens", my natural conclusion is "Something something Old Gods Underground + Grey Wardens Trying to Kill Them Before They Awake = Nothing Good" (and let's not forget about the eleven(!!) mountains/Ghilan'nain's ancient pools underground mentioned in Tevinter Nights as well), keeping in mind that Solas gets furious about the Wardens deliberately searching them out and slaying them (because he obviously knows what's gonna happen if all of them are slayed(!)), and in DAI there was already something ominous going on at Weisshaupt...

And all of this coupled with the new vinyl artwork and all the promotional stuff for DA4 so far, makes me feel like the Wardens will be busier than ever before...

Seven semi-circles with two of them still "lit" and the "tambourine"/Veil looking more broken with each new update....

Seven Old Gods/Evanuris that were banished when Solas created the Veil.....

Seven mirrors shattering....

Seven gates of the Black City, which Kordillus Drakon prophesied will someday shatter and cover both the mortal and spirit realms in darkness....

And speaking of "DARKNESS COVERING BOTH REALMS".....

Tevinter

One word: TENDRILS. lmao

So the last shot shows a big part of Tevinter on the map, most of it covered in purple clouds and tendrils...

Followed by a voice that had me like

"All the world will soon share the peace and comfort of my reign."

First off, that voice actor sounds SO familiar, omg, who IS that?? Someone suggested Joseph Capp, the voice of the Shadow Prince from Divinity 2 and that fits perfectly (DOS2 has quite a few VAs from DA actually and funnily enough, the Shadow Prince is part of Sebille's main quest, who's voiced by Alix Wilton Regan lol) Whoever it is, they're doing a great job at sending a shiver down my spine. lol Like, you can just TELL, he's the Real Deal. "Peace and Comfort" never sounded more menacing. 👀

Alright, so I'll make this short, and say that I'm also very very confident that this is Elgar'nan speaking.

People have suggested the Archon, the Black Divine, some Venatori or Qunari leader, but honestly guys, none of these make much sense to me when looking at the bigger picture here (aside from the visual hints I've talked about earlier). Like, this teaser is obviously trying to set this person up as a serious threat to *the whole world*, and the only way I can see this work would be if this person held just as much or more power than Solas, because if they don't, they would just end up being a secondary concern, like another Corypheus…

You just don't market a game by suddenly introducing a new smaller threat to *"AAALL THE WORLD"* less powerful than the one we already have, you know. 😂 And imo, the only one "outmatching" Solas in terms of power, at this point, would be Elgar'nan or any of the elven gods. Or literally the Blight itself/the Titans.

And then there's this

"Hundreds of years in the making."

We know who has been directing the course of history for ages behind the curtains… I mean, the entire series has been building towards Mythal getting her vengeance.. and what better way to finally get to that point than to bring her husband into the narrative, the one who was potentially the main instigator of the Evanuris's betrayal and Mythal's murder. 👀

(There's one thing I need to say though, and I know this is the silliest of nitpicks, but.. if that guy really does turn out to be Elgar'nan, am I the only one who thinks it's really funny how he's just… talking British English/the common tongue like that? 😂 I mean, I 100% get why they cannot make the actors talk in ancient elven with subtitles for the whole game (something I personally really appreciated when they did it for some of the ancient elves and spirits in DAI), like Corypheus wasn't talking in the old tongue either, and I feel like there are multiple reasons for why this just wouldn't work. And if we're looking for a lore reason, I guess even the imprisoned Evanuris had somehow enough access to people's dreams over the course of thousand years to learn the languages of present Thedas as much as Solas or any other ancient elf like Abelas or Felassan did, but it's still funny to me nonetheless. lol)

Anyway, the teaser ends with a dragon's growling sound and then another wolf howling in the back, which I interpreted as Solas giving Elgar'nan a fair warning here that he's indeed still the title-giving DAD character. lol If we get to see these guys battling it out for real, like Giant Demon Wolf vs Black City Sized Blighted Dragon, it's already the best game in my book. lol

You just know someone at BioWare is having a blast at coming up with as many references to Solas' Trespasser dialogue to put in these blog posts as possible. 😂 I just hope they can keep this promise, cuz I have a LOT of questions (and I need Solas to answer ALL of them lol).

Hmmm... You "hope so", yes? Well, after *this* teaser I sure *hope* that the sentiment of "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" still holds true in this particular situation, because I'd rather still be on Team Solas if I have to choose between "revelation" and "damnation". 👀

I guess we'll see next summer... 😁

[socheckitout-mikey]

you can totally make hc if you want!!!! i'd eat that shit up like breakfast ngl. in my opinion david is joe (kind of obvious) dwayne would be sal, marko would be murr and that makes paul q <3333

omfg yes! i had way too much fun doing these. i know they're a little shitty, but i tried istg! - mae

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The Lost Boys Pranking Each Other Like Impractical Jokers Hc's:

° I JUST KEEP IMAGINING DWAYNE AS SAL RUMMAGING THROUGH TRASH FOR HIS BIKE KEYS AND THEM LEAVING HIM DHDHDHR OR THAT TIME SAL HAD TO DIG THROUGH ELEPHANT CRAP TO GET HIS PHONE, ONLY ITS DWAYNE'S KEYS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MARKO GOES "EH BUDDY LOOKIE ERE!" AND HE'S DANGLING HIS KEYS IN THE AIR "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU GUYS!" SHDHFJFJF

° Paul is deadass one of the most ruthless out of all of them when it comes to prank wars. He's targeting everyone with ridiculous pranks, but they always bite him in the ass later on when he wakes up the following night with his hair dyed a luminous green. He rocks it but he totally had a nervous breakdown over it bc "THAT'S MY FUCKING HAIR MAN!"

° "Maybe you shouldn't have thrown my keys into that gross guys hotdog stand-" David drawls nonchalantly, flicking cigarette ashes at Paul's green goblin looking head.

° There was this one time that Marko attempted to prank David, and I say attempt bc it went absolutely atrociously... Maybe it was because Paul was trying to get him back and gave his buddy too much of that good green stuff. Marko's plan to train his pigeons to crap all over David had ended up with him waking up the next morning covered in pigeon shit. "Serves you right, you yutz-"

° "Man, we need to drown you in the tub." Dwayne snorts.

° "DON'T BRING THAT SHIT UP-" Paul screams from the other end of the Cave.

° "Right... But it's not like we're adding a dog into the mix..." Marko muttered under his breath, using a crumpled old napkin to clean the literal crap off of his face.

° "I SAID SHUT UP!"

° Paul thought it'd be a good idea to drop rice to bug David, but it ended up with all of them counting the fallen grains of rice lmaoo. He kept losing count and everyone got different numbers.

° Honestly, the best one's at pranking people are Dwayne and David as they're very patient and thoughtful.

° David schemes like an asshole cat, striking when you least expect it. It leaves Paul and Marko on edge for months, just waiting for David to pull a prank on them.

° "C'mon man! Just prank us already!" Paul pleads, paranoia finally driving him up the walls.

° "Yeah, we're livin' in fear here!" Marko agreed suddenly.

° "You know, you just reminded me about that..." David's just kidding, though the other two don't know that. David forget something? Not a chance. This guy is on that Petty Train™ and it's going straight to Saltyville!

° Dwayne can take years to strike with his pay back. He's got patience that even David doesn't have, and honestly, Dwayne's pranks are really intense. He'll scare the shit out of the others so much so that they don't prank him for good long while. Paul's the one who never seems to learn lmaoo.

° Well, unless he's in the mood for being playful that is...

° Like I'm talking about the fact that after digging through elephant crap in the local zoo after hours for his bike keys, he not only chased down all of them, but he kinda tied Paul and Marko up and may've just let the sun rise a little... he's waiting for an apology- he's salty now and won't care if they burn... but once he get's that apology he's been wanting to here, he's pulled them into the shadows.

° "Ahhhhh! Dwayne, man, c'mon! The suns rising!" Paul screams, thrashing around in the sturdy chains he's been bound by the wrists at.

° Dwayne responds with an expression of total anger, but it's cool and collected. He's patient. He can wait a little longer. He's in no hurry.

° Whereas David's lounging on one of the dusty old couches in the shadows. He had given Dwayne what he wanted, whether his apology was half assed or not. He still said it with some meaning, right?

° "David didn't even mean that piece of garbage he called an apology!" Marko spat out, eye cracking a vivid yellow whilst he stared directly into David's blue amused eyes.

° "Well at least I had the courage to swallow my idiotic pride~" David sing-songed joyously, folding his nimble gloved hands behind his spikes of bleach blond hair. "And it worked wonders, didn't it? I'm not the one about to be fried into ashes..."

° "Man, we're sorry alright?! We won't fuck with your bike or your keys again!" They both screamed in unison, shutting their eyes tightly as the sun began to rapidly crawl into the open space of the Cave. It's golden rays beginning to spark the ends of their blond locks alight! That was precisely what Dwayne wanted to hear, and without little thought, yanks them down and watches them scurry into a deep crack in the wall. That'd teach them from fucking with his shit ever again.

° "Fuck, my hair! It's all burnt on the ends!" Paul wails, swatting the frizzy ends rapidly to put out the sparks.

° "That's literally the least of your worries, Paul." David retorted into the air, gathering himself up from the couch and towards his own nest.

° "Yeah, we almost got fucking fried you sack of shit! This is the last time I listen to your ideas-" Marko rambles on angrily.

° Yes, they did sleep curled up together in the crack in the wall. They genuinely held each other tightly, Paul waking up from nightmares! Poor baby :'(

° Marko definitely does listen to his ideas after that lmaoo.

° Also it's very true, these guys compete to embarrass each other out in public, so much so that they've pretty much become a star attraction.

° That is until that one time Marko drop kicked Paul off the Pier and cracked his skull open... Yeah, they got into a lot of trouble for that one...

° These guys are chaotic dumbasses and their prank wars a cynical as hell. Like it get's so intense, but it's hilarious! Star and Laddie are kept entertained for ages!

° They be pranking Laddie too, but it's all in good fun. He's a kid after all! They're not gonna be excessively mean to him. That is until he fucks with their shit...

° Then you've got Paul and Marko holding him up by the scruff of his jacket, demanding where their Playboy mags, bike keys, their specific wrench is, that Deff Leppard Tape... boy you name it! They'll interrogate him good cop bad cop style lmaoo.

° Dwayne's heart kinda warms up whenever Laddie pranks him. He ruffles his hair, even if it makes him mad as hell. Laddie is his weak spot tbh.

° David just gives Laddie a pointed look and goes, "This better not become a common occurrence, otherwise I'll have to shave your head."

° Lmaoo the absolute sass that he receives from Laddie after that djkgdsghjsd-

° Sometimes David allows Paul and Marko to get away with their stupid pranks on him. Although it's incredibly annoying, he also finds it endearing how happy getting away with some of the simpler ones makes them. Paul thinks he's literally gotten away with it, but Marko knows.

° Paul deems himself to be the Prank King™ and honestly he is, but you know what? He's usually quite good natured and even though he does overstep boundaries, he'll always make things up to everyone if it really bugs them. He's out to have fun, not get murdered or cause tears. Most of the time...

° He ropes Laddie in on the pranks and loves it! Paul is a great big brother! He also enjoys pranking Star quite a bit, and she can be quite mean when returning the favor.

° Marko however, plays the dirtiest! He's pretty cynical himself, so his sadistic nature comes out full throttle. The lines within him are blurred. He's genuinely good natured usually, but once someone does something that pisses him the hell off... They best be prepared for hell to arrive at their feet.

° Like this one time, Marko cock blocked Paul for several weeks lmaoo then he ate the person Paul had the hots for. He dropped them at his feet in the Cave like, "Whoopsie!" He got into so much shit from Max bc that person was like hella important, I'm talking celebrity status sfjdshfhjsdfnbds

° David's just cynical as hell and he's always got something witty to say during or after it. Definitely mocks them dsjgdsjfds David's just an asshole cat istg! I mean, not even Star is safe from his pranks, but he kinda has a sisterly soft spot for her. He likes to dig deep under her skin and bug her. She's quite fiery honestly.

° Pranks with the Lost Boys is incredibly chaotic to round it off.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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requests: open!

[loveisneurotic]

Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

[sopxhiea]

Tense

Alfie Solomons X Reader

| Prompt

“I don’t know where all this crap about me being a ‘difficult person’ is coming from. I’m a constant fucking delight.”

“I could do that, but I won’t.” 

A sigh leaves your lips.

It’s one of those days when your ‘uncontrollable anger’ is getting the best of you. The world seems to be on the other side today, kicking you and using every chance it got to make the days a little more unbearable. You shake your head as you walk through the doors one by one, feeling tired and frustrated.

You don’t kick down the door this time, you lack the energy.

You let Ollie open the door with a small murmur of ‘there you go’. You ignore the remark and go in, there’s more than one gangster in the room. You recognise the woman, you recall her name to be Lizzie. You’d seen him in Tommy’s party last christmas with arms around the man. 

Thomas is sitting on one of the chairs, Lizzie is close to him with a hand over his shoulder. You wonder if she’s as sly as she looks, it makes you think of Pol and how easily she wraps men around her finger. You turn around the room on your heels.

Then your eyes met his.

He’s slouching like he usually is when he sits, he looks at you with warm eyes but you just roll yours. You’re too tried to bicker with Alfie like you usually do, there’s so much pent up anger you have inside that you find it hard to sit down.

You don’t greet anyone, just wait for them to speak about this new business deal they want to tackle down. It’s got you, the jews and the Shelby clan involved so you reckon it’ll take some time to get to the final chase. You don’t possess the energy, you just want to learn about the deal and leave as soon as you can.

The next hour involves a lot of talking, Lizzie seems smart as she speaks about Tommy’s plan. You wonder if he chose her or she forced him, she seems intelligent enough to tackle down a man like Tommy. Alfie’s eyes are on you the whole time, almost like he’s checking up on you as you listen with no words coming out of your mouth.

He sees the frustration, he recognises it. The sleepless nights and screwed deals are taking their toll on you, it breaks his heart a little but he doesn’t mention it. You nod after Tommy finishes the last of his words, waiting for any questions that might inquire as you’re usually the one to point out the flaws in such a contract.

You don’t say anything and watch Alfie converse with him instead. He asks something about the Italians first and then about the bookies. He cracks a joke and casts a look at you to see if you find him amusing like you tend to, there’s no smile on your face. He speaks, the words are directed at you.

“Luv, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black.” You chuckle at the end at the words, Alfie feels like he won something after making you smile but the action is a mere reflex to his words rather than the amusement you find in them.

You don’t speak so Lizzie does, your eyes travel to her hands on Tommy’s shoulders, feels like she’s keeping a leash on the man but you don’t blame her, all men are animals anyway.

“Tommy had told me that you were quite...” she speaks, looking down to find the words but Tommy finishes the sentence.

“Difficult.” the blue eyed man spits and you get up from where you’re sitting, the exhaustion taken over by anger and frustration and Alfie watches.

It’s his favourite version of you.

Your eyes wide and your chest rising with each word you speak, Alfie thinks anger is the best look on you. You can’t help it anyway, years of pent up feelings and acting like you were heartless take a toll on you and you pour the negative emotions over the next person you see.

He loves to see it.

The screaming sound of your voice as sarcasm soon takes over, you use it as a shield and cover yourself well. He’s seen you rile up man thrice your size with much more power, your words cut deeper than any butcher’s knife he’s laid his eyes on and he, quite frankly, cannot get enough.

You shake your head as you speak, walking around the room as your anger pours out, eyes struggling to keep open wide while the room is solely focused on you.

“I don’t know where all this crap about me being a ‘difficult person’ is coming from. I’m a constant fucking delight.”

You chuckle while speaking, Alfie can sense the frustration in your tone while Tommy picks up at the bored part. Lizzie smiles at your words, looking down as to say that you’d confirmed every little detail Tommy told her about you, you don’t mind that he did but being called ‘difficult’ irks you.

If a man did what you did, he’d be stern and powerful whereas you’re just ‘difficult’.

Alfie chuckles at your words as well, he gets up and picks up a stash of paper he had laying around and starts writing. You know he likes to do that when he’s having ideas about a deal so you don’t bother him with more antics.

You release your breath, the day has been so hard on you that all you can feel is the want to be in bed, all on your own and cry you heart out. You know gangsters and businessmen don’t do that, they bury emotions and never speak of the notion again but even though you’ve worked continuous years as a businesswoman, you can’t physically ignore the feelings.

You need a good fuck, Alfie thinks.

He’s seen the anger first hand many times, it rises above you like a tornado you let yourself get lost in. He enjoys the sight whenever he gets the chance but he also happens to think that you need someone tire the fire in you out. You need to see stars and use the anger in you in a non-threatening manner so that you release it.

He shakes his head at the thought, he doesn’t mind that they’re inappropriate but he returns to the same thoughts a little too much.

He watches as you speak to Lizzie about Karl and Charlie and ask if she’s alright, too. He knows you don’t care in the slightest but you’re nice enough to keep basic manners, like he sometimes forgets to do. The pent up anger you so badly have under control is partly sexual frustration, too. And Alfie can see right through that.

You turn to his gaze, it’s been following you like a hawk since you came in and he knows you won’t shy away from it. You look at him with a devilish smile and he swears he’s ready to sell his soul to satan if you’d ask him. But you don’t.

You tell him you’re leaving, eager to get out and he offers to walk you to the door. You shake your head, murmuring something to yourself about chivalry but he can’t see it, all he sees is how you move in the dress. You enjoy the admiration and lust the man seems to have but you’re far too tired for that.

That doesn’t stop you.

You’re at the door, leaving as you say your final goodbye to the man twice your size but something in you is intrigued. You shake your head, it’s the high from being awake for so long but you just spit the words out.

“Alfie..” you whisper, breathy voice as you inch closer so that your chest is touching his.

“I need to get off, get some rest so you probably won’t be able to contact me unless you go through my assistant.” you speak, eyes seductive. He knows of the game you’re playing, he’s very fond of it himself. He lowers his eyes and speaks, visions of you riding him in his mind.

He mumbles something, you can’t make it out. 

You’re frustrated and his effect on you isn’t helping. “Just fucking speak up, Alfie, I really do-” you speak but he’s fast to cut you off.

“I said you look fuckin’ gorgeous today.” he says, a waver of shock flicks through your eyes and he enjoys the sudden emotions you seem to have.

You smiled, it had been involuntary from the way your eyes shot up and he enjoyed your state. It wasn’t like he got to see you blush everyday. It was not the first time he’d complimented you but it had been the first to get you all flustered.

You chuckled, trying to cover the fact that you were taken back. His eyes landed on your lips, staring at them for way too long. A groan left his lips when you tested him by running your lips over the pink flesh, he seemed like he was hypnotised.

“You gonna kiss me, Mr. Solomons?” you spoke, a teasing tone in your voice that made him smile almost apologetically. 

It was amusing to see man twice your age be flustered by the smallest of remarks. He was actually quite cold to the people around but everyone was very well aware of the fact that he had a soft spot for you and spoiled that spot to no end. 

His eyes landed on your lips again, you did the same. You watched him speak, his plump lips moved with vigour as he did so. “I could do that, but I won’t.”

You smiled, watching stars dance in his blue orbs while the sound was a mere melody to his ears. You spoke, your curious gaze met his lustful one. “Why not?”

He doesn’t have the answer to that.

He wants to kiss you, you can tell by his hungry gaze and how he leans closer every time you speak. It’s not because he can’t hear you, you know he does when a light blush rises on his cheeks after your last words. You’re young, he thinks but he also knows you wouldn’t dare to ask such questions.

He knows you know what you want and he knows the tingling on your lips by the way you keep licking them. He wants to lean closer and savour the foreign feeling, it takes everything for him to not kiss you senseless right then and there. He gains control and tries to shake it off.

“You’re proper fuckin’ lady, innit? Gotta take you some place nice before I kiss ya’.” he speaks and it makes you scoff, he hadn’t seem like the gentlemen type but everyday is a surprise, you say to yourself and nod at the words.

“Guess I am that.” you say, nodding once more as to let him know. You want to take your leave but it’s impossible to move under his gaze.

“Not a guess, right, you..” he points at you “..are the prettiest lass I’ve seen ‘round.” he spoke, making you shake your head at the words.

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere with me.” you spoke, the headache you once had long gone.

“Not tryna’ do that, luv..” he breathed out, the conversation flew easily. “...just sayin’ what I think, yeah.” he said, smiling at the end of the sentence.

“Well, I appreciate that, Alfie..” you spoke, the need to escape was forgotten as you waited for him to end the conversation.

“Say, lass..” he spoke once more, hand on his beard as he look at you. “You got a man of your own?” he asked, blunt as he tried to refrain from interfering too much. 

But much to his surprise, you were defensive.

“Why are you asking?” you spoke, hands meeting as he tried to come up with a good enough answer.

“Jus’ fuckin’ curious, doll. No funny business, right.” he said, eyes still on you to measure up your reaction.

“Well, I’ll keep that to myself then.” you speak, a mocking smile on your lips as you eye the man but your words anger him, making him jealous of the non-existent man so he took the liberty to interfere at last.

“If you, yeah, are gonna’ keep that to your pretty little self, right..” he spoke, hands moving with each word. “..tell the lad to fuck you a lil’ better next time, it’ll help with your fuckin’ anger..” he spoke, your eyes widened as he took the liberty to take another look at you from head to toe. You scoffed, voice defensive as you practically threw fire against his already burning side.

“You have no righ-” you shout but he cuts you off, hands moving through the air again.

“’m not tryna rile ya up, lass, right, jus’ sayin’ that anger of yours will come fuckin’ handy in bed if the lad knows what he’s fuckin’ doin’.” he speaks, you hate that he’s so blunt but he makes sense, you see his point but do not acknowledge it.

“There’s no lad, alright?” you speak, eyes defensive as you speak with a stern voice. “It’s me on my fucking own.” you whisper, praying that he doesn’t hear the last part but he does.

And he’s alone too, so he sees this as the perfect fit.

You lift your hands in a defensive manner and speak up before he has a chance to pray. “I don’t even know why I’m saying this to you.” you breathe out but he doesn’t respond.

“I’ll go..” you nod at your own words and get ready to turn around but he catches you by the arm and makes you turn to him in a swift motion. You meet his eyes, ignoring the thud of your heart against your chest at the close proximity of the man. 

You spoke once again. 

“I just wish you’d kiss me again.”

-

Tagging: @parkbearum​ @clairecrive​ @sourirez​ @bicevans​ @mollybegger-blog​

[starlightbuck]

20 for the meet cute prompts 👀👀👀

20. You walk out of a dressing room asking if the outfit suits you, but it’s not your friend waiting outside the room like you thought. 

the way you look tonight || read on AO3

“Why are you walking so fast?”

Chim darts an unimpressed glance over his shoulder. “Because I’m a man on a mission. Now hurry up, Buckley.”

Buck picks up speed, trying to understand how it is that he’s struggling to keep up. His legs are longer than Chim’s, so shouldn’t he be the one setting the pace for the two of them? Not vice versa?

“If I walk quicker, will you finally tell me where we’re going?”

Chim had showed up at Buck’s apartment less than an hour ago and all but dragged Buck out the door without any explanation. Buck had gone willingly, mostly because he was bored and didn’t have any other plans for the day. That hadn’t stopped him from wondering what destination Chim had in mind for them.

He had asked where they were going once they got into the car. His question was met with silence so Buck decided to ask a second time. That time, Chim just raised the volume all the way up on the radio. Buck caught the hint and didn’t ask again.

“If you walk quicker, you’ll find out on your own.” Buck, having not yet caught up to Chim, sticks his tongue out at the back of his head. “Very mature, Buck.”

That stops Buck in his tracks. “How did you see that?”

“I didn’t. I just know how immature you are.”

They continue walking at an almost grueling pace until finally, Chim slows down. It’s such a relief to Buck that he doesn’t even acknowledge their surroundings until Chim is pulling a glass door open and gesturing for Buck to walk in. He does so immediately, drawn in by the cool air conditioning that directly contrasts the overbearing Los Angeles heat.

It’s once Buck steps foot inside the store that he realizes where he is and promptly does an about face.

“Uh uh.” Chim blocks Buck’s escape route, standing in front of the door with his hands on his hips. “You’re not going anywhere until you find yourself a new suit.”

It’s the same thing Maddie has been telling Buck for months now, apparently unhappy with the perfectly good suit he has hanging up in his closet. He doesn’t understand why she’s so adamant about him not wearing it. It cost him a fair amount of money and he knows he looks good in it. Why would he waste his time and money buying a new one?

He’s about to say as much to Chim, but is cut off by a wave of Chim’s hand.

“And don’t tell me you already have a suit. Maddie has deemed it unsuitable and what she says goes.”

“Doing my sister’s dirty work now, huh?”

Chim’s expression doesn’t waver, lips set in a straight line as he takes a couple of steps towards Buck. “Yes I am because she’s carrying our unborn child and I love her.”

Buck can’t say he was expecting that response and it works to disarm him long enough for Chim to grab his forearm and march the two of them to the front of the store.

“Didn’t take you for a romantic, Chim.”

Chim doesn’t rise to the bait like Buck’s hoping he will. Instead, his future brother-in-law sets his sights on one of the store’s employees and lets her know that they’re on a quest for a new suit for Buck. She is very efficient, taking Buck’s measurements and then leading him over to the first rack of suits to get a feel for what styles he prefers. Once that has been accomplished, she guides Buck to a fitting room and lets him know that she’ll be back with a few options for him to try.

“I can’t believe you betrayed me like this,” Buck whines through the curtain as he buttons up a burgundy long-sleeve top and slides on the black suit jacket.

“This isn’t so bad.”

Buck pushes the curtain aside so he can show Chim the fourth suit combination he’s changed into. “That’s easy for you to say,” he grumbles. While Buck’s been forced to change in and out of suits like some kind of Ken doll, Chim has been lounging in a comfortable armchair with a cold water bottle one of the employees brought out for him.

“I don’t think that’s the one either.”

“Why not?”

Chim shrugs, not even bothering to hide his smirk. “Just doesn’t seem right. Let’s see the next one.”

Buck clenches his fist and stomps right back into the fitting room before he can say something that might be used against him in the future. This is exactly why Buck refused to go suit shopping when Maddie brought it up, but at least she would’ve been a better shopping companion. She would’ve actually offered constructive criticism whereas Chim is just turning down everything Buck has tried on. Buck can’t tell if Chim is doing it out of spite or if he genuinely hasn’t liked anything Buck has tried on so far.

The final suit left to try on is olive green and definitely not something Buck would’ve chosen for himself. It’s why he left the option for last, hoping that any of the other suits he tried on would’ve been a winner. He changes slowly, knowing that once this suit is rejected, he’ll have to wait all over again for the same employee as before to pick another round of things for him to try on.

“Alright, here’s the last one,” Buck announces, not bothering to look in the mirror before stepping back out to face Chim. He fiddles with the cuff link, waiting for Chim’s opinion. “What do you think?”

“I think you look very handsome.”

Buck startles at the sound of a voice that definitely doesn’t belong to Chim. His suspicions are confirmed when he looks up and finds a young boy with sandy hair and glasses in the chair that Chim was sitting on only moments earlier. “You’re not Chim.”

“No, I’m Chris,” he answers with a toothy grin. The kid, Chris, is far cuter than he has any right to be. Buck finds himself smiling for the first time since stepping foot inside of the store. “That’s a nice color.”

“You think so?”

Chris nods emphatically, glasses tipping precariously on the tip of his nose when he does. He pushes them back into place and gives Buck a once-over. “It’s different, but I like it. Can you spin?”

“Spin?”

“Yeah, you know. Spin.” Chris twirls his finger around in the air to show Buck what he means. “Abuela says you have to look at an outfit from every angle to make sure it looks good.”

Well if that’s what Abuela says, who is Buck to argue?

“Make sure to do it slowly so I can see you,” Chris instructs and Buck does just that, taking his time as he walks in a small circle. He does it twice, moving his arms around during his second spin to see how the suit feels when movements are involved.

He’s just about to face Chris again to receive the child’s final verdict on the suit when Buck sees his reflection in the mirror.

I don’t hate it is the first thought that comes to mind. This might be the one is his second thought.

“Does it look good from every angle, Chris?”

Buck turns back around and almost chokes on his saliva.

Chris is still sitting in the armchair but he’s not alone anymore. There’s a man, an extremely attractive one, standing beside Chris with a collection of suits slung over his arm and amusement shining in his brown eyes.

They’re really nice eyes.

Attached to an even nicer face.

“It looks very good,” Chris answers solemnly, completely unaware of the tailspin Buck’s mind has just been launched into. What does it say about Buck that this kid is able to concentrate on the task at hand while Buck has been sidetracked by someone’s presence? “Daddy, what do you think?”

And oh. If Buck thought having this man stare at him was a distraction before, it’s nothing in comparison to how he feels when the man brings his free hand up to stroke the scruff that covers his chin. It’s a contemplative look that has Buck’s heart doing a backflip or cannonball or something else ridiculous and unbecoming of someone of his age.

So not only has Buck’s brain short-circuited, but his heart has as well.

Traitors.

“It’s a good look,” the brunette finally decides. The words shouldn’t hold anywhere near as much weight as they do. “Definitely a top contender in my opinion.”

Buck is not blushing, he’s not.

Maybe if he tells himself that enough times, it’ll eradicate the tinge of pink that he knows has stained his cheeks.

“Does that mean you’re gonna buy it?” Chris’s question breaks Buck out of his stupor. “Because I think you should.”

Chris’s dad raises his hand. “I second that statement.”

“And I third that statement,” Chim says, appearing out of nowhere wearing a smile that always spells trouble for Buck. Of course he’d choose now to show up again. “Who are your friends, Buck?”

“I’m Chris!” He holds his hand out for Chim to shake. “And this is my dad.”

“Eddie,” his father supplies, also taking a second to shake Chim’s hand.

“Buck was looking for you before.” Chris explains and Buck is glad that the kid is explaining the situation because Buck doesn’t think he would’ve been able to. “But don’t worry. I helped him and told him how handsome he looks.”

Buck doesn’t have to look at Chim to know that he’s withholding his laughter. “Oh you did, did you?”

Is it wrong of Buck to wish that a black hole will appear and swallow him whole? It’s probably dramatic, but he can live with that. At least then he would be able to retain some of his reputation. He already knows that Chim, and by extension Hen, will never let him live this down.

Buck decides it’s best to cut his losses and heads into the dressing room to get changed. The curtain muffles the voices outside, but he can still hear Chim’s laughter. Buck can’t tell if this is a blessing or a curse.

By the time he exits the dressing room again, the laughter outside has subsided and Eddie is nowhere to be found. Buck swallows back his disappointment, a fact made easier by the bright smile Chris directs at him. “Buck! Are you ready to help daddy find a suit too?”

“I-uh what?”

“Help Eddie find a suit,” Chim repeats, as if the problem Buck had with that statement was that he didn’t hear it. “I told Chris that he could keep you for the afternoon so you could pay him back for helping you.”

Buck’s jaw falls open as he stares at Chim in disbelief. Buck was only gone for a few minutes, how did Chim manage to set this whole thing up that quickly?

“I’ll take these off of your hands,” Chim says, taking the suits from Buck. “You can pay me back for the suit later.”

Chim’s final sentence is accompanied by a wink that lets Buck know he’s going to be expected to pay Chim back for more than just the suit. He’s gone before Buck can so much as put up a fight and then Buck is left alone with Chris.

“I’m ready, Chris!” The low voice comes from the dressing room right beside Buck’s and he does not think about the fact that Eddie was getting changed at the same time he was. “You ready for me?”

“I am! Buck?”

Buck glances around the room, curious as to where that employee who helped him earlier is. She’s the one who supplied Chim with a water bottle earlier and something tells Buck he’s about to be very thirsty. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

[curlyhairedbooklover]

Thanks for tagging me @insaneinsecureintrovert I haven’t done one of these in literal years so this will be a time 

Rules: Answer 30 questions about yourself and tag 20 others you wanna know more about 😊

1. Name/Nickname: Nicole

2. Gender: Female

3. Star Sign: Pisces

4. Height: 5′7 or 5′8 I’m honestly not sure what my exact height is anymore 

5. Time: 12:21

6. Birthday: 19/03/01

7. Favorite bands/groups: I do not know, I tend to just listen to one album/playlist on repeat for months until I change to the next one, at the moment it’s the Rocketman soundtrack (which has been a regular since it came out) and Olafur Arnald’s music but the Falsettos 2016 revival soundtrack has also been a big one

8. Favorite solo artist: Same as above but I have been a dodie fan for years now and also I really liked Lewis Capaldi’s album so I’m gonna say him as well 

9. Song stuck in my head: ‘Revolting children’ from Matilda and ‘you could drive a person crazy’ from Company have been going around my head for a few days now

10. Last Movie: Stadust

11. Last Show: I’m currently watching Sense8 and Pushing Daisies so one of those two

12. When did I create this blog: April 2015

13. What do I post: Just whatever I’m vibing with when I scroll through my dash honestly

14. Last thing I Googled: "Mads Mikkelsen The Door” because I had just watched HideoTube ep6 (I was watching Mads videos) and they were going through Mads’ filmography at one point and that was one that I haven’t watched but they really liked so I was googling it to see what it was about 

15. Other blogs: I have a Carry On sideblog @carryontrash and I either have a very regular queue going on and keep up with it or just reblog like 15 things at once every 2 weeks, currently it’s the latter mood 

16. Do I get asks: No, I used to get more but I rarely post things about myself and honestly I’m kinda glad that I don’t 

17. Why I chose my URL: I have curly hair and I love books and at 14 that sounded like a good url, now I’m emotionally attached so it’ll never change 

18. Following: 2906 (a large amount are inactive or post things I am not currently interested in but I don’t have the time or effort to go through them all and unfollow those ones so this is just how it is) 

19. Followers: 933

20. Average hours of sleep: Probably around 8, I’m still permanently tired though 

21. Lucky number: 19

22. Instruments: Flute and Piano, I don’t play much anymore but I do still enjoy them

23. What am I wearing: An oversized light pink jumper and jeans

24. Dream job: I have absolutely no idea still and am at an age where that is starting to become an active problem in my life

25. Dream trip: I’d like to go back to Switzerland sometime but other than that maybe just America whenever I can go next to see my family there who I obviously haven’t seen in a while

26. Favorite food: Honestly just a big fan of bread and butter, that’s probably not it but I cannot be bothered to think of another better answer right now

27. Nationality: British and American

28. Favorite song: I simply do not have one, there are too many to choose from for any single answer to be accurate

29. Last book I read: I’m currently re-reading the Shadow and Bone series in preparation of the show and am on Ruin and Rising, as I have only read it once like 4 years ago whereas I’ve read soc 4 or 5 times so thought I should probably re-read so that I actually remember the events of the books when watching

30. Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: None??? 

Tagging: @dimplesgf @sleep-is-my-lover @overratedgryffindor @st-markseve @drowningfandoms

[softlass27]

Robert Week 2020 Day 3: Family A family dinner goes awry when revelations about the Sugden brothers' past come to light.

FYI, this is set in a slightly AU version of husbands era where Andy returned at some point and is living in Emmerdale again (I brought Adam back too, because why not).

Also, this fic refers to an old storyline that I must have watched but have no real memory of, considering how long ago it aired. So I've had to rely on gifsets and the Emmerdale Wiki, which you can see here:

https://emmerdale.fandom.com/wiki/Stephen_Butler https://isabellaofparma.tumblr.com/post/176241877331 https://robsugdens.tumblr.com/post/176241303211/i-didnt-have-it-easy

On a warm Saturday evening in August, the Sugdens and their other halves all gather round Diane’s table for their tea. Family time still isn’t a particularly common occurrence for them, but Diane and Victoria insist on it every now and then, and they mostly manage to get through the odd meal without any drama these days.

So as Aaron sits in his usual spot next to Robert and Seb, he doesn’t expect much more from the next couple of hours than some small talk with his in-laws over homemade shepherd’s pie and apple crumble.

Andy and Victoria are both in a nostalgic mood, it seems, tossing childhood memories back and forth as they eat. Nothing too heavy, thankfully, just funny – mostly farming-related – anecdotes from their youth.

At least, Andy, Vic, Diane and Doug seem to find them funny. Adam smiles and laughs easily along with them, but Aaron’s mostly left nonplussed. Honestly, the only thing getting him through it is the eye roll and small kill-me-now grin Robert shoots him whenever they catch each other’s eye. Aaron’s husband is clearly just as bored by the farm talk as he is, only chiming in when someone addresses him directly.

How many stories can you possibly tell about runaway cows, anyway?

As the first hour drags by and some of them start helping themselves to seconds, talk turns to Butlers farm and how the Sugdens had come to take it over back in the day.

“Who were the actual Butlers, anyway?” Adam asks, shovelling a forkful of mashed potato in his mouth. “Don’t think my mum ever said when we moved in there.”

“Just a bloke who was getting too old to keep up with things,” Andy replies with a shrug. “Will or Wilf, I think. And he had a son, too, about our age, right Rob?”

Robert nods as he wipes Seb’s mouth (he’s going through an incredibly messy phase of insisting on feeding himself) but doesn’t add anything.

“Drawing a blank on his name, though – ”

“Steve,” Robert interrupts quietly, turning back to his plate.

“Oh yeah, that’s it,” Andy snaps his fingers as the memory comes back to him. “Steve… dunno what happened to him. We were mates for a bit but he moved away in the end. We’d fallen out, can’t remember why but – ”

Robert’s scoff cuts Andy off. Everyone pauses and turns to him as he finally lifts his head to stare at a confused-looking Andy.

“What?”

“Are you kidding me?” Robert asks incredulously.

Victoria tenses and glances warily between the two of them. “What’s the matter, Robert?”

“Yeah, what’s your problem?” Andy says with a frown.

“You seriously don’t remember what happened with Steve?”

“No… ” Andy’s bewilderment is quickly turning to annoyance. “Who cares, it was like, a million years ago. Do you remember everyone you fell out with when we were kids? Saying that, it’d be a pretty long list for you, wouldn’t it?”

“Boys, come on now,” Doug rumbles quietly. “Let’s not spoil the evening.”

Robert stays silent, but Aaron can see he’s biting the inside of his jaw. A telltale sign that he’s upset but trying to keep it together. He rests a hand on Robert's tense thigh under the table, ready to jump in to his defence if needed.

“Well, share with the class,” Andy drawls, ignoring Doug’s words with the beginnings of a smirk. Aaron has no idea what this is about, but he wants to punch it off his face. “What was it, then?”

Robert hesitates, eyes darting to Seb – who’s thankfully still oblivious to the tension – before shaking his head and stabbing at his food with his fork.

“What, nothin’ to say?”

“No.”

“Maybe we should just change the – ” Diane begins, but Andy speaks over her.

“No, come on, he’s started now. Spit it out, Rob, whatever it is that's got your back up.”

“I said no.”

No one else at the table would have caught it, but Aaron hears the wobble in Robert’s voice. He tightens the hand on his husband's thigh, trying to keep him calm, remind him that he's not alone at the table.

“What d’you bring it up for, then?” Andy isn’t taking no for an answer, apparently, and he’s starting to get on Aaron’s last nerve.  “God, you always do this, always have to turn everything into some big drama, don't you? Come on, what was it that was so bad that – ”

“You found out Steve was gay,” Robert cuts Andy off, voice low but unmistakably clear.

Silence rings over the table as everyone freezes on the spot. Adam’s fork hovers in the air for a moment, before he sets it back on the plate with a clatter.

“Or, you heard rumours that he was gay, from that Ali kid. I dunno if he actually was, but that was good enough for you. You heard the rumours, you believed them – started passing them on to other people too, if I remember right – and after that, you wanted nothing to do with him.”

Aaron’s heart is thumping loudly in his chest, a familiar anger and defensiveness – for Robert, for himself, for this Steve kid – surging through him like wildfire. He watches Andy open his mouth uncertainly before closing it again, the irritation vanished from his face and replaced with shock. He looks like a deer caught in headlights.

“I asked you what the big deal was, why you cared so much if Steve was gay,” Robert continues with an air of apparent nonchalance, though Aaron knows better than to fall for the act, he knows Robert's fuming. Hurting.

“You said he shouldn’t have kept it hidden from everyone, you had a right to know what sort of person you’d been hanging out with. You were also very keen to make sure everyone else knew that just because you’d spent time with him, that didn’t make you ‘queer’, as you put it.”

Diane and Doug both look on uncomfortably, while Victoria brings a hand to her mouth in shock.

“Andy, you didn’t… ” she whispers with wide eyes. Adam lays a hand on her shoulder, looking almost as taken aback by the situation as her.

“I… ” Andy flounders helplessly, head whipping to his sister then back to Robert.

“Steve ended up moving away from the village in the end,” Robert finishes, pushing his plate away and tossing his napkin on to the table. “I guess all the shit he got over it – the name-calling and bullying – became too much for him to cope with, so he got the hell out of there. And no one ever mentioned him again.”

“Robert… ”

“Any of this ringing any bells for you, Andy?”

Andy gulps loudly before giving the slightest of nods.

“I – I forgot.”

“That’s nice for you,” Robert lets out a hollow laugh, before abruptly pushing his chair back with a loud scrape. “Sorry Diane, dinner’s been great but I don’t really fancy pudding. Lost my appetite.”

He scoops Seb out of his high chair and strides out of the room with a backward glance. Aaron rises quickly, muttering his thanks to Diane for the meal and following him, only stopping to throw a hard glare back in Andy’s direction. When Andy’s eyes meet his, he cringes and shrinks back in his seat.

Good.

*

“S’been a while since I’ve sat in on some proper Sugden drama,” Aaron say lightly, passing Robert a brew and Seb his sippy cup of juice.

Robert lets out a small huff but doesn’t speak, silently watching Seb playing with his toy cars on the rug. He hasn’t said much of anything since they left Diane’s and Aaron hasn’t pushed him. Not until now, anyway.

Careful not to spill their teas, he sinks onto the sofa and nudges Robert gently, raising a questioning eyebrow at him. Robert glances at him before sighing heavily.

“Probably gonna get an earful off Diane later,” he eventually mutters. “Causin’ a scene, spoiling a family meal again.”

“Somehow I don’t think she’ll blame you for this one. And if she does, she’ll have me to deal with.”

That gets him a tiny smile, at least.

“Gonna tell her off, are you?”

“I ain’t scared of her.”

Robert chuckles and leans into him, taking a slow sip of his tea. They sit in companionable silence for a few moments, before Robert begins to speak.

“I know Andy doesn’t have a problem with me, with you and me. I know he doesn’t think like that anymore, I wouldn’t speak to him if he did,” he says quietly. “We were just kids, and kids can be idiots, I get it. It’s just – it’s the fact that he didn’t even remember. To him it was clearly just a stupid bit of teenage drama, it didn’t mean anything. He probably never even gave it a second thought after Steve was gone. Whereas I… ”

Robert trails off, blinking rapidly and looking frustrated. Aaron reaches over to lace their fingers together, squeezing gently.  As out and proud as his husband is now, it's still difficult for him to talk about his sexuality sometimes, about all the time he spent in hiding it.

“That day,” Robert eventually continues. “When Andy said all that stuff about not wanting to hang out with Steve anymore, I thought I was gonna be sick there and then. The way he acted like it was the most disgusting thing he’d ever heard… I don’t think I got a wink of sleep that night. I just lay there in bed, picturing Andy’s face if he ever found out about – about me. If he knew what Dad knew.”

He sets his mug down and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It wasn’t like I’d been about to come out or anything, this was a couple of years after Dad… you know.”

Aaron nods wordlessly, feeling the hatred he’d carried for Jack Sugden ever since he learnt about that day bubble rapidly to the surface.

“I’d already buried the fact that I liked boys, I'd decided I was just gonna pretend it wasn’t there. But – but hearing Andy say all that stuff about Steve, the way he reacted to even the possibility that his mate was… It was like like the final nail in the coffin, y’know?” Robert’s bottom lip wobbles as he shakes his head, sounding so resigned.

“I knew then, that I could never tell him. Or my friends, or anyone in this stupid village. Any hope I’d had, deep down, that being myself might be... I don’t know, not accepted but… tolerated, maybe? It pretty much died that day.”

Sometimes, Aaron is reminded of just how drastically things in Emmerdale have changed in recent times. His adolescence and Robert’s were only a few years apart; on paper the time seems like nothing. But the reality is that in terms of mindset and attitude, things couldn’t have been more different for the two of them.

He remembers the fear, the absolute terror of others finding out the truth about him all too well. But once he was out, once the dust settled and everyone knew… apart from the odd snide comment from some tosser he didn’t even know, people were fine with it. His family, Victoria, Adam, Ryan, Holly… none of them cared, no one saw him any differently. If anything, he became closer to nearly every person around him.

The fact that Robert not only believed that the opposite would happen to him, but basically had actual confirmation of it played out right before his eyes, breaks Aaron's heart.

He puts down his own mug so he can pull Robert into him and tuck him under his chin, Robert’s arms circling his waist as he buries his face into Aaron's chest.

“I love you,” he murmurs into his husband’s hair, hands stroking softly. “You deserved better.”

Robert clutches him tighter.

*

Later that night, Adam texts him while Robert’s in the shower.

so that was fun

Aaron readjusts a sleepy Seb in his lap so he can reply.

What happened after we left? Andy say anything?

not much. diane and vic gave him an earful, he left pretty sharpish. looked proper ashamed of himself too. vic’s been going spare ever since, i’ve had to stop her from going to yours 3 times. u both ok?

We’re fine. Tell Vic that Rob’s alright, I’ve got him

will do. night mate

*

“Well, you’ve got balls, I’ll give you that.” Is the only thing Aaron says when he opens the front door to Andy the next morning, folding his arms across his chest.

Andy shuffles awkwardly on the welcome mat, a hand coming up to scratch his bushy beard.

“Is Robert here?”

“Yes.”

He doesn’t step aside to let Andy in. When Andy realises that Aaron isn’t budging, he sighs heavily, shoulders slumped.

“Look Aaron, I uh… ” He clears his throat. “I’m sorry."

“Not me you need to apologise to.”

“No, I know, but I just wanted to say that I was a right idiot back then, really stupid. Ignorant. And I’m – I’m not proud of it, but I don’t want you thinking I’m still like that because – ”

“I don’t think you’re like that,” Aaron cuts him off.

“…Yeah?”

“You wouldn’t still be standing here if I did.”

Andy pauses and blinks, face twisting nervously.

“Right, well uh… good, I’m glad. So… can I…?” He gestures to the inside of the house.

“Wait here.”

He closes the door in Andy’s face (not exactly necessary, but he takes some petty pleasure in it) and walks through the living room to the back door, stepping out into bright sunshine and the sound of splashing and laughter.

Seb’s playing in his paddling pool in the garden, happy as a clam, while Robert sprawls on the grass beside it, occasionally passing him one of the bath toys they’d brought down to the garden. The front of his t-shirt is absolutely drenched.

“Alright?” He asks as Aaron approaches.

“Andy’s here. Asking for you.”

Robert stiffens, grin dropping off his face.

“Want me to send him packing?”

There’s a long pause, before Robert sighs and shakes his head. “No… suppose he can come through.”

Aaron returns to the front door and beckons Andy, leading him to the back garden.

“Andy!” Seb cries when he spots them. “Pool!”

“Wow, look at this!” Andy calls as he steps closer. For all his and Robert's issues, he adores Seb. “You havin’ fun, mate?”

Seb nods vigorously, his damp sunhat bouncing on his head as he smacks his hands into the water. Robert tilts his head up to stare at Andy.

“Alright?” Andy tries for a hopeful smile, which Robert doesn’t return, instead refocusing his gaze on Seb.

“Can we have a quick chat?”

Robert passes Seb a rubber duck.

“Rob, come on,” Andy pleads, looking down at him imploringly.

Robert rolls his eyes, before pushing himself up and wiping his palms on his shorts.

“Can you – ?” He asks Aaron, gesturing to Seb.

“Course.” Aaron gives Robert’s wrist a brief squeeze as he passes him, before settling down next to the paddling pool, flicking some water in Seb’s face to make him laugh.

As he plays with his son, he keeps an eye on the two brothers, watching as they walk to the deckchairs at other end of the garden, sitting sideways on them so they’re facing each other.

Aaron can’t make out exactly what’s being said, not over the sound of Seb’s splashing and yelling, but neither of them look angry, which is a good sign. He just hopes Jack’s name doesn’t come up, otherwise that could all change in a heartbeat.

Andy’s doing most of the talking, elbows resting on his bouncing knees as he leans towards Robert. The expression on his face is uncomfortable but earnest, as he offers what is clearly an apology – Aaron doesn’t need to hear them to know that much. It makes a change; Aaron’s never known anyone so keen to deny any wrongdoing as Andy Sugden – especially when it comes to Robert and their childhood.

Robert keeps his face blank, sitting ramrod straight and staring somewhere past Andy’s shoulder as he listens. But as Andy continues speaking, his face begins softens a little and he eventually begins talking back quietly. Andy fidgets and looks down, but he doesn’t interrupt except to nod occasionally, replying only when Robert finishes speaking. It’s probably the most the Sugden brothers have communicated in years.

Aaron wishes he could lipread. Or that he had a slightly quieter child.

“Daddy!” Seb cries for his attention, hitting him in the chest with a plastic bucket.

“Oh, sorry mate, did you want a shower?” He fills the bucket with water and tips it all over Seb’s head until every inch of him is dripping, causing him to shriek loudly.

“That’s what you get,” Aaron laughs at the indignant expression on his son’s face, before glancing up to see Robert and Andy have stopped talking in favour of watching the scene fondly.

Andy stands and stretches. “I should get going, then,” he says to Robert, who stands to follow him.

“Stay for a bit if you like? We’ve got lemonade in the fridge, lots of ice.”

“Nah, you’re alright. I’m taking Sarah shopping soon,” he claps Robert on the shoulder. “Another time, though?”

“Okay, yeah.”

“I’ll see myself out.” Andy leans down to tickle Seb under the chin. “Enjoy your pool, Seb.”

He starts walking across the grass, before pausing and turning back to them.

“Rob?”

“Yeah?”

“You – you’re my brother,” Andy chews his lip, looking serious. “My family. Family’s supposed to rely on each other, and I made you feel like you couldn’t. I really am sorry.”

There’s a long silence as Robert stares at him, unmoving. For a moment, Aaron thinks he isn’t going to say anything back, and then –

“S’okay, Andy. It’s forgotten.”

“Okay,” Andy nods, sounding relieved. “Oh, and please let Vic know that I’ve spoken to you, will you? Before she castrates me.”

Robert’s mouth twitches. “Can’t have that. I’ll let her know.”

“Cheers. See you, Rob. Aaron.”

Andy takes his leave, shoving his hands in his pockets and disappearing around the corner of the house.

Robert sinks down onto the grass next to Aaron and lets out a long breath.

“Okay?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah.”

“You sure?”

Robert smiles and presses a kiss to the side of his head. “I’m fine. We talked, it was good.”

That’s probably the most Aaron’s going to get out of him, for now at least, so he smiles back and snakes an arm around his waist. If Robert’s good, then he’s good.

“D’you want me to get the drinks from the – hey!” Robert splutters when he’s cut off by Seb chucking a bucketful of water in his face, giggling madly when he hits his target with impressive accuracy.

“Good aim, kid,” Aaron grins, ruffling Seb’s soaked hair.

[artificialqueens]

You Know You Love Me, Chapter 2 (Branjie) - Kiki

A/N: Wow I can’t believe I’m updating this in less than a week since I posted the first chapter, there’s a first time for everything lol. Thank you so much for the feedback on chapter 1, I really appreciate every like and comment so much. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Brooke Lynn Hytes returns to New York City after being shipped off to boarding school and her ex best friend, Vanessa Mateo, isn’t too happy about it… which would be bad enough, but add in the fact that they’re lowkey in love with each other. (Gossip Girl AU)

Rise and shine, Upper East Siders! It’s officially Fall, which means that all of us get to go back to school for yet another scandalous year. Will today be the day we see Brooke Lynn Hytes return to being the socialite she once was, or will she be shipped off yet again? Only time, and the tips you send in, will tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Vanessa’s alarm clock – also known as Dorota – woke her at precisely seven o’clock. She removed her pink silk eye mask and immediately went to hop into the already prepared bubble bath, allowing her body to fully submerge into the bathtub as she mentally prepared herself for the day ahead. The first day of her senior year.

After she stepped out of the bath and slipped into her fluffy robe, she headed to the bathroom to start her morning skincare routine. Some people may say it’s time consuming, but not Vanessa. Her mother has drilled the importance of youthful looking skin into her brain from a very young age. Vanessa didn’t know any other seventeen-year olds who used two different anti-aging serums on a daily basis but she had promised herself that she was not going to get surprised with any wrinkles or frown lines…not before she could make her first Botox appointment.

She returned to her bedroom to find her school “uniform” laid out on the bed in front of her. Once she had her short black skirt, black stockings, white blouse and school blazer on, she slid her black heels onto her feet and walked over to her vanity where she stored her accessories. This is where she added the finishing touches to her outfits. On this particular day, she chose one of her signature headbands (a red one) and placed it delicately onto her hair that was curled to perfection.

After she finished applying some makeup, along with her signature red lipstick, she headed downstairs to the dining table where her family’s chef had prepared a variety of different breakfast options for Vanessa and her mother to choose from – a selection of pastries, fresh fruit and yoghurt. She picked up a chocolate and hazelnut croissant from the tray and paired it with a selection of different berries while Dorota poured her some green tea.

Alexis Mateo – Vanessa’s mother – entered the room hurriedly and frowned as soon as she saw what was on Vanessa’s plate.

“You’re eating carbs this early in the morning, darling, that’s…brave.” Mrs Mateo said as she fixed her hair in the mirror, not paying attention to her daughter who rolled her eyes at her mother’s comment and took a big bite out of the croissant as if she had a point to prove.

“I just hope you know that your metabolism won’t stay like this forever. One day all of these treats you allow yourself to have are gonna come back and haunt you,” This comment earned another eyeroll from Vanessa as she took a deep breath in and tried as hard as she could to force her frown into a smile. “Oh, also, I won’t be coming home tonight. There’s been some kind of disaster in the Paris office that everyone else is apparently unqualified to handle which means I have to go and solve every single problem, yet again.” She said with an exasperated sigh.

“But you just got back from Europe, you said we could go to dinner tonight to celebrate my last ever first day of school!” Vanessa replied with a pout on her face.

“Well Vanessa, that’s the joy of owning your own company. You can’t just expect me to stop working every time you want to go out for dinner. Sometimes work is a more important priority than a meal we can have at any time…isn’t Brooke Lynn back from boarding school? Take my card and bring her instead, you can celebrate together.”

Vanessa immediately rolled her eyes again at the mention of Brooke’s name. She really wasn’t looking forward to seeing her again. She tried to convince herself that she wasn’t nervous but deep down she had a few butterflies floating around in her stomach that she really wanted to murder.

Her mother left shortly after breakfast, muttered a quick goodbye to Vanessa and ate only a handful of grapes before she screamed at some staff members to come and carry her bags down to the car.

Vanessa continued to sit at the dining table for a bit longer and tried her best to hide the fact that she was upset with her mother for leaving her alone yet again. Sure, she had Dorota, but ever since her father moved to France about nine months ago, she had been feeling overwhelmingly lonely. Not to mention, her mother had started to work longer hours to keep herself occupied when she was finalising the divorce from Vanessa’s father.

The pout on her face slowly started to disappear as Vanessa focused on the positives of the day she was about to have: she was going to walk into school with Akeria and Silky by her side, ready to retake her throne as the most powerful girl in school and there was nothing Brooke Lynn Hytes could do to take that away from her.

Feeling a lot more empowered, she hopped up off of her chair and grabbed her purse and strutted towards the elevator. She found her family’s black limo with the driver ready and waiting to take her to school and as she stepped inside, the familiar smell of leather and the pine air freshener that was dangling from the mirror made her feel at ease.

—

The first half of Vanessa’s school day had been pretty uneventful so far. She had met up with her girls before school, yelled a sophomore for wearing last season’s shoes and gotten an A on her summer English literature assignment. She also hadn’t run into Brooke yet, which in her mind made it an all the more successful day.

At lunchtime, Vanessa, Silky and Akeria were sat at their regular lunch spot – the steps of the MET. Plastique Tiara, a freshman girl from Brooklyn had been helping Vanessa out by making the invitations for the party ever since Vanessa had noticed how good her calligraphy was and had bribed her with an invite to the party in return for her work.

Plastique nervously handed over the stack of envelopes and Vanessa took them, ready to thoroughly inspect them before she gave her the seal of approval.

“Oh my God, Plastique, they’re so cute!” Akeria exclaimed as she took her invite from the pile and smiled widely at Plastique.

Vanessa and Silky nodded their heads in agreement and Vanessa picked up the invite from the bottom of the pile and handed it back to Plastique.

“Your invitation, as promised!” Vanessa fought the urge to roll her eyes at how excited the younger girl had gotten just from the invitation. Her face changed entirely as she saw a tall blonde figure casually approaching them with a frozen yoghurt in her hands.

“Hey, here you guys are! I looked all over the dining hall for you.”

Vanessa had pictured her reunion with Brooke many times. But this? The blonde just walking up like absolutely no time had passed? Definitely not what she had in mind.

The other girls were all noticeably shocked too. Others, such as Plastique, looked starstruck. Vanessa, however, looked absolutely fuming.

“Hi, I’m Brooke Lynn.” She stretched her hand out to shake Plastique’s hand, which the younger girl accepted immediately.

“I know. I mean, uh, I’ve seen you around and—” she stopped rambling as Brooke bended down to pick up one of the invitations that were sitting in Vanessa’s lap. Vanessa found herself trying to suppress an eyeroll for the second time in the last five minutes, and only half succeeded this time.

“So, when’s the party?” Brooke looked directly at Vanessa when she spoke, as if there were no one else there. Silky, Akeria and Plastique were looking at Vanessa with anxious faces, waiting for her to answer, whereas Vanessa had turned on her signature bitch face and threw on one of her passive aggressive smiles for good measure.

“Saturday…and…you’re kinda not invited, since until twelve hours ago everyone thought you were at boarding school and now we’re full, and Plastique used up all the invites.” Brooke raised her eyebrows slightly and Vanessa shrugged her shoulders with not a single care given.

“Um, actually—” Plastique started to speak, Vanessa knowing full well that it would be easy to get Brooke an invite if she wanted to. But Vanessa managed to get her to shut up with just a single raise of her eyebrow, the look instilling fear in the younger girl and making her stay silent.

“You can go now.” She said to Plastique who slowly started to pack up her things, still not wanting to miss the battle that was undoubtedly about to happen. However, all that happened was a classic B and V stare-down accompanied by a deafening silence.

Vanessa was looking at Brooke Lynn with her protective shield – her bitch face – up, but underneath the surface she was trying her hardest not to break. She should’ve known that seeing the girl she’s been in love with for more than a year for the first time in a long time would’ve had some kind of emotional impact on her. Everything had an emotional impact on her. She cries at every romantic movie eve made and feels so much love for all of the important people in her life. Why did she think that this would be any different? Why did she allow herself to believe that she hated Brooke, when in reality, all she had to do was say three simple words to her and Vanessa would do anything she asked. But she couldn’t let that show to anyone…especially not Brooke Lynn.

“Sorry…” Vanessa apologised half-heartedly, trying to sound at least somewhat sincere.

“No, it’s okay…I got a lot of stuff to do anyway.”

Vanessa started to pack her lunch up which meant that all the other girls immediately started to copy her and pack their lunch up too.

“Well…we should get going then. Unless you want us to wait for you?” Vanessa stood up and predictably, the girls copied. “Looks like you got a lot of yoghurt left.”

Brooke was not an idiot, she could tell that Vanessa had no intention of waiting around for her, especially since she was already standing up and slowly moving away from her.

“No, go ahead.” Vanessa responded by just rolling her eyes and walking away, Silky and Akeria on either side of her but still slightly behind. That was when Brooke Lynn decided to make a daring move.

“Vanessa? Think we can meet up tonight?” she asked innocently, causing the three girls to quickly turn back around. Brooke would pay someone to photograph Vanessa’s face at that exact moment – shocked, confused and feeling out of control. She crossed her fingers that someone had their cell phone out and she could relive it later on Gossip Girl.

“I’d love to…but I’m doing something with Nate tonight.”

It technically wasn’t a lie. Nate was a cute boy that had been trying to date Vanessa for a while now and while she had turned him down repeatedly, he had kept coming back and asking over and over again. He hadn’t exactly asked her out on that specific day but she was sure she could just bat her eyes at him a couple times after school and he’d ask her out immediately…and she would actually say yes this time.

“The Palace. Eight o’clock. Nate will wait.”

Vanessa stood there stunned. How dare Brooke Lynn just waltz back into their friend group and try to call all the shots like she was in charge? Vanessa would be feisty and snap back if she could remember how to function.

“I could probably do a half hour…” Vanessa responded quietly, readjusting her headband as if it were a crown on her head.

“Thanks for making the time.” Brooke Lynn said sarcastically, clearly letting Vanessa know she was enjoying the control she had over the other girl.

“You’re my best friend.” Vanessa replied with the fakest smile she could possibly create in that moment. Not saying anything else, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and strutted ahead of Silky and Akeria, storming off to their next class.

—

Spotted on the steps of the MET: a power-struggle between B and V. Did B really think she could waltz home and things would be just like they were? Did V think B would go down without a fight? Or can these two hotties work it out? There’s nothing Gossip Girl likes more than a good catfight, and this could be a classic.

—

2 years ago:

The two girls were sat on the large grey couch in the Hytes’ penthouse trying to study for their Latin exam the next day. Brooke was sitting on the couch looking at her phone without a care in the world whereas Vanessa was sitting on the floor, hunched over the coffee table with her head in her hands, mumbling to herself.

She had all of her study materials spread across the table in front of her. This included four binders, colour coded of course, three decks of flashcards and two textbooks. Not to mention the abundance of pastel highlighters that seemed to have made their way onto every bit of paper that Vanessa owned.

When Vanessa had suggested they should study together, Brooke Lynn didn’t actually think she was serious. So when Vanessa showed up with Dorota following behind her, carrying her massive bag of supplies, she was a bit disappointed. She thought they would at least get to talk or cuddle on the couch together but clearly, Vanessa had other plans.

“Why do we have to study Latin anyway? It’s a dead language for a reason.” Vanessa grumbled as she leaned her head on the table as if it were a pillow.

“Because you decided it would look good on college applications and signed us both up for it, that’s why.” Brooke reminded her which earned her an eyeroll in response. Brooke patted the empty space beside her on the couch, signalling for Vanessa to join her. Vanessa ignored her by opening one of the textbooks in front of her and reached for one of her pink highlighters.

“Hey, no—” Brooke grabbed the highlighter out of her hand and closed the textbook. Before Vanessa even had a chance to complain, Brooke used all her strength to grab the smaller girl and pull her onto the couch beside her. She took the blanket that was folded over the back of the couch and placed it gently in Vanessa’s lap.

“I think it’s time for you to stop studying now…we all know you could get an A on this test without even trying.”

“That makes one of us…” Vanessa replied playfully with a small smile on her face. Brooke replied by shoving her in the side which got a laugh out of Vanessa. Brooke smiled as that was all she wanted to do in that moment – make Vanessa forget about all of the things that caused stress in her life and focus on making her happy.

Vanessa rested her head on Brooke’s shoulder which somehow lead to Brooke wrapping her arm around Vanessa’s body and locking their hands together. Vanessa released a deep breath that she didn’t realise she was holding in and relaxed into Brooke’s touch, slowly closing her eyes and allowing herself to feel completely at ease.

This wasn’t something that should worry her and make her overthink. Friends cuddle all the time, right? A small frown came on her face as she tried to picture herself cuddling with Silky or Akeria like this. She wouldn’t enjoy it as much. Now, after that realisation, she had a reason to worry.

“I can feel you overthinking from here.”

“I’m not…” Vanessa lied with ease. If she could try and make Brooke believe it, then maybe she could make herself believe it.

“If you really wanna study some more I won’t stop you again, I just figured you probably knew it all by now…” Brooke said quietly, afraid that she had upset Vanessa and caused her to stress more.

“No, you were right, I am gonna ace this test. Now I just wanna spend time with you,” Vanessa replied softly. Brooke smiled and couldn’t stop the feeling of butterflies in her stomach from overtaking her. The fact that Vanessa could control her emotions with such a simple sentence like that was worrying. “Plus, you are really comfy, I have to admit.”

“I’ll be your pillow anytime you want, V.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t like when you’re stressed or sad…if I can help stop that, then I will.”

Vanessa smiled and sat up slowly to look at Brooke Lynn properly. All she wanted to do was lean in and kiss her. Sure, they had kissed before but it had never really meant anything. It was always a drunken thing or part of a truth or dare game at one of Vanessa’s famous sleepovers. But the thought of kissing Brooke properly was consuming Vanessa’s mind more than any exam stress ever could.

Thankfully, Brooke was thinking about doing the exact same thing. Her eyes broke contact with Vanessa’s to look at her lips before returning to her eyes. Her hands seemed to have a mind of their own in that moment as they cupped Vanessa’s face, her thumb stroking her cheek gently.

“Can I?” Brooke whispered extremely quietly, so quietly that Vanessa wouldn’t have heard her if Brooke wasn’t already so close to her face. Vanessa nodded slowly, not able to get any words out as excitement and nerves took over her body.

Brooke Lynn closed the tiny gap between the two of them and pressed her lips to Vanessa’s. Just a small peck to test it out. But Vanessa decided that she wanted more and leaned back in immediately and before either of them knew it, they were having a full-blown make out session on Brooke’s family’s couch.

Unfortunately, they were interrupted by Brooke Lynn’s mom returning home not long after. They went to Brooke’s bedroom to get some sleep – but not before Vanessa stole a couple of more kisses. They didn’t do anything other than make out that night but needless to say, they didn’t get as much sleep as they should have the night before a big test.

Unsurprisingly, Vanessa still got an A.

—

Now:

Vanessa looked at the rose gold watch on her wrist for what felt like the millionth time. It was almost eight thirty, half an hour after the time Brooke had said to meet up at. She felt like an idiot. Meeting up to talk had been Brooke’s idea in the first place and of course Vanessa jumped at the chance of spending some alone time with her, but Brooke hadn’t even bothered to show up. Not even a text to let Vanessa know that she was going to be late.

Needless to say, Vanessa was pissed.

Every single time that Brooke had ever done something wrong in their ten years of friendship was playing in Vanessa’s head like a movie clip on repeat. Like that time when Brooke’s parents had gotten her the diamond earrings that Vanessa wanted for Christmas and didn’t even offer to share them. Or when Brooke had let Vanessa’s arch enemy, Scarlet Envy, play with her new Barbie doll before she had even shown it to Vanessa when they were eight.

Vanessa’s hand was clutching her martini glass so hard that if she tried just a tiny bit harder, she could probably break it. Thankfully at that exact moment, Brooke Lynn strolled into the bar, her long blonde hair braided to the side in a messy fishtail braid. She sat down beside Vanessa who was giving her quite possibly the angriest look that Brooke Lynn had ever seen in her life.

“Hey…sorry I’m late…” Brooke said cautiously. Vanessa’s only form of reply was her narrowing her eyes even more. “Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay to you?”

“You look great, but, um…maybe a bit angry?” Brooke tried to lighten the mood a bit by complimenting her, which would usually work perfectly, but not this time. “Are you angry at me?”

“That’s the dumbest fucking question you’ve ever asked me.”

“What did I do? I’m sorry I’m late, I just haven’t unpacked yet and I couldn’t find the right outfit and –” Vanessa could feel herself about to burst with anger and didn’t let Brooke finish her sentence.

“Not about that, you idiot! You left me…you didn’t even say goodbye, you just fucking left. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was when people would ask me where you went and I had no idea? It was humiliating.” Vanessa replied, her voice broke slightly as she got emotional but hoped that Brooke didn’t notice.

“V, I’m sorry but it was all so last minute and…” Brooke replied, her voice quiet and full of so much shame that she couldn’t complete her sentence.

“Did you even think about telling me or were you just too excited to leave and go make new friends? Am I really so low on your list of priorities that you couldn’t even send me a text? Not even a “Hey V, I’m leaving, see you next year”? I had to find out from your mom, B. That’s not okay.”

“Vanessa, you have to believe me, it wasn’t my fault!” Brooke tried to reason with her but Vanessa was having none of it.

“Nothing is ever your fault, B, that’s the problem! You just do whatever you want and don’t think of the consequences or the fact that what you’re doing actually hurts other people sometimes.” Vanessa’s voice started to get louder and full of anger as she spoke, a year’s worth of repressed emotions finally coming to the surface.

“Are you seriously doing this right now?” Brooke fought back with equal amounts of anger, not one to sit back and take being yelled at.

“Doing what? Telling you the truth? I know you haven’t been here for a year and I’m sure that you’ve had everyone kissing your ass since you got back but that’s not gonna happen with me. You don’t get to leave me and then just walk back into my life like nothing happened.”

“Don’t act like your innocent, V. You could’ve called. My mom gave you the number for my school when she told you where I was and you didn’t call once.” Brooke Lynn tried as hard as she could to keep any hurt from her voice, wanting to only show anger.

“You left me. Are you not getting that? You left. I was here. Waiting for you,” Vanessa’s anger seemed to leave her body all at once and the only thing she could feel was pain. It was like she just found out that Brooke had left all over again. The feeling of rejection and of not feeling good enough crept back into her body, not caring how hard she had fought over the past year to get rid of it. “You clearly didn’t feel the same way that I did back then. I really thought you did but you didn’t…and you still don’t.”

Vanessa grabbed her purse and practically sprinted past Brooke and out of the door of the hotel bar as fast as she could, leaving Brooke frozen to her chair.

She felt awful. She didn’t realise that Vanessa had been so affected by her leaving. She also didn’t think that Vanessa had felt the same way about her as she did about Vanessa. Just yesterday, the idea of Vanessa having even the tiniest amount of feelings for Brooke would’ve made her burst with excitement, but now all she felt was guilt.

She grabbed the rest of Vanessa’s drink and downed it quickly as she tried to think about how she could fix everything and make it all okay. She ordered another two drinks after she came to the conclusion that she probably couldn’t. 

[thegirlwholied]

SW anon - So I have tried to watch the whole thing before but I could never really get past the start. I watched ep IV a few years back (and in 2018 I watched it while it playing with a live orchestra which really enhanced the experience) and ofc I’ve known most of what happens bc my mom and brother have been fans of it (and ofc all the references to it in shows and it being everywhere) but the thing about the original trilogy that I found difficult to watch was very much the acting being off

Gov SW anon continued - but I think I’m gonna watch the clone wars show next as I feel like the general universe and people speak to me more than the skywalker and co. story speaks to me. But I’ll probably try and get back to the prequels afterwards (at least just to have seen them) but also bc I’ve been on tumblr for so long and I’ve encountered so much about the new movies with Finn, Poe and rey (I already know I don’t like kylo) that I’m interested to see what comes before that

Seeing Ep IV with a live orchestra sounds fantastic as the music is incredible. <3

I must admit I haven’t gotten properly into the Clone Wars show! I’ve tried, & did jump in to (and enjoy) the finale ~ and certain Mandalorian episodes strongly remind me of the show’s tone ~ but it has yet to hit me right in the place where I care. What I appreciate about it & what it’s brought into the Star Wars universe is still on a more distant level, not visceral. 

I most love that The Mandalorian is truly exploring & taking advantage of the wider Star Wars universe beyond Skywalker & co. (but boy do I also love Skywalker & co.) There is an exciting amount of potential in the newly-announced projects too I love characters outside of a universe’s main chosen-one story. In 6th grade, I was obsessed with the X-Wing book series, which were definitely really marketed toward adult guys but whoops, I had found the deep Star Wars section of the library! And the first line of that series, introducing the main character, is “You’re good, but you’re no Luke Skywalker.” And in a way, that’s the Mandalorian too, to the audience if not himself ~ good, but no Luke Skywalker. Not a Jedi, not meant to bring balance to the Force, a sidestory in the main universe’s struggle.  I (from what I’ve seen/know of) get the impression that’s how Ahsoka sees herself ~ ‘you’re good, but you’re no Anakin Skywalker’. 

Of course, for that contrast to work, first you need a Luke Skywalker.

it’s interesting you mention OT acting feeling off as I would use that exact word to describe how I feel about the acting in some episodes of The Mandalorian. In some I love it! Other times... I hesitate to say ‘like a video game’ as I mean no insult to the well-developed video game characters out there but yeah, it hits me like the actor’s aware they’re essentially in a live-action video game cut scene.

But. I truly love the acting in the original trilogy! ...but also as I type this I’m watching a movie from 1944 and acting style certainly varies by decade, & mileage varies as to personal taste... but also I will never be objective about Star Wars which I have loved since I was six... but also I studied film history in college and firmly believe Star Wars, the original trilogy is just objectively good if not quite everybody’s cup of tea (...okay maybe Return of the Jedi is not quite as objectively good, but I still love it so much and given the work it had to do wrapping up the original trilogy, hey, it did its job successfully and with Ewoks). 

I love the twinkling, wry humor & also gravitas of Alec Guinness. There’s that sense of amusement as he talks to Han, as he waves off the storm troopers, and even in the “let go, Luke”... but always the right weight in the right moments imho

Luke & Han particularly can both be petulant in different ways, & they’re all quippy & brash & even cavalier at times in what in context ~ especially when you rewatch A New Hope right after Rogue One ~ in Very Serious Situations! and I love them for it. 

Carrie Fisher’s accent does shift in the one scene (which I have never minded and definitely went around as a kid trying to say ‘Governor Tarkin’ exactly the way she does), and young Mark Hamill’s Luke can be Dramatic & the Most Petulant but understandably (& prettily) so, and... yeah I probably could muster a criticism for Harrison Ford but also I *can’t*! There are some ridiculous Han Solo moments in Return of the Jedi especially, but also I love him/them/just about every choice these movies made. They just hit on magic.

The magic’s there for me from the music swelling as Luke looks yearningly into the twin suns (the cinematography!), but where it really hits is the up-and-running chemistry between all three of the main actors starting the “Luke, we’re gonna have company” scene, and then, boom, it’s the garbage chute, it’s the you’re-braver-than-I-thought/he-certainly-has-courage, for-luck, here-they-come of it all and the movie is flying. 

...and I will never forgive the sequels for, avoiding spoilers as it sounds like you’re familiar but haven’t seen them, not giving us any true interaction scenes between Rey & Finn & Poe all together until the 3rd movie. While I still so appreciated finally getting that & what we got, for me it was just not just too little but too late. I love the casting & acting for all 3 of those characters, but while fandom’s taken and run with the combination, and they had plenty of chemistry... it should have been up-and-running so much sooner. 

And the prequels just... well, even seeing them in theaters at a susceptible age, the Lord of the Rings movies were coming out at the same time and that did them no favors in comparison. As someone who judges movies above all on dialogue, that... also did them no favors. (Beyond the OT I may have a Nontraditional ranking of Star Wars movies). 

The short version of my prequels & sequels take is that both missed that cinematic magic for me, outside of certain scenes, though I still enjoy them as part of The Whole Thing That Is Star Wars Which I Love. Rogue One had that magic; I know and see the criticism of the early editing & introduction-of-Jyn’s-background-and-Krennic-and-Galen scene, but, to me, that movie is perfect. Solo was solid - maybe not magic, but reliably enjoyable, and I’ve been meaning to rewatch. The prequels & sequels... the lows are very low and the highs are very high, in terms of how they hit me. 

I feel like I’d probably sum them up as Prequels: Good Star Wars, Bad Movies, and Sequels: Good Movies, Bad Star Wars, which may seem a little harsh or too kind on one side or another but gets at my take at the worldbuilding vs. just the cinema of it all. The bread scene in Force Awakens, the salt planet in Last Jedi, the dyad-duel-in-dual-locations in Rise of Skywalker? Gorgeous. Individual scenes’ acting & dialogue is sound for me. And yet. All three sequels’ choices in respect to the entire Star Wars universe and existing characters AND its new characters? ...Tonally inconsistent with each other *and* ultimately with the themes of the OT. Whereas the prequels did so much worldbuilding, and its politics, and I’ll see gifs and think ‘yes actually, is it better than I remember?’... and then I’ll catch one on TV & it’s the Padme & Anakin romance or even Anakin & Obi-Wan’s buddy scene dialogue at the beginning of Rise of Skywalker and the answer will come, clearly: “noooooooooooooooo.”

(...this got long. Which I tend to do when I care, about fiction in any form, and with the prequels/sequels: the ingredients were there to be magic. And just-misses are more frustrating than swing-and-misses. A la, you won’t find me complaining about the Star Wars Holiday Special!) 

(...OK so I haven’t seen all of the Star Wars Holiday Special, and I’m sort of aiming to watch it through this holiday season, since what other year than 2020 seems more appropriate? So I won’t promise not to complain about the Holiday Special but I mostly expect to laugh at it.)

(That said I found the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special an absolute, surprising, laugh-out-loud delight; 9/10 would recommend & yes, 1 point deduction as I will nitpick character consistency even when they are Legos.)

[faunusrights]

The scarlatinas are a big family with aunts and cousins visiting a lot right? Have you got an idea of how their house looks? (also could you release the Scarlatina family descriptions you gave me to the public?)

well, really the scarlatina family isn’t big in the, uh, family tree sense; it’s not like Velvet has 100+ cousins and that sort of stuff, but they’re big in the sense that they all live together, hjdshkjfsd. so it’s a big household! sixteen people! it’s nothing to sniff at! so the aunts and cousins dont visit, really, because they literally live next door, lmao.

the scarlatina homestead is split into two houses that keep getting added to every once in a while. the bigger one (aka the first) has georgette, rajah, taffeta, ash, chiffon, velvet, satin and hickory live there, whilst the second (rapidly growing) house has cotton, tenné, hawthorn (+ hawthorn’s wife, saffron, and their kid, fir), ramie (+ her wife, auburn) and birch. that said, the houses pretty much act as one, and people tend to drift in and out of either of em at will.

the houses are similar in terms of their footprint, since they sorta both evolved abt the same time for the same needs (oh shit a kid oh shit a marriage oh shit ANOTHER kid), and save for two smaller second storeys for storage/spare room needs, almost the entire thing is on the ground floor (heat rises, baby). they share a big old shed/workshop which ash lingers in CONSTANTLY, as well as two little gardens where they grow their own produce. they also have some solar panels and a huge windmill out front, both of which usually power their houses since they don’t typically draw a TON of energy, though they do have a generator that runs on fuel as a backup.

okay if we’re describing the whole family im gonna shunt this under a cut this goes on for a while dsfjhgjhskfgd

GEORGETTE SCARLATINA: the matriarch of the family! well, sorta; she’s let her own daughters sort of have run of the place in her stead, because she’s “retired” now and that means she mostly sits back and enjoys not Working all the time. back in her heyday the woman was an absolutely powerhouse, 24/7 on the grind, but even now she’s very… well, she’s still a force to be reckoned with, really, and whilst she isn’t uuuuuuuh Strict, per se, she’s very disciplined, and no matter what her kids and grandkids choose to do, she expects them to really throw themselves into it. weiss is both terrified of her and desperately wants her approval, which isn’t hard to get, but weiss is, how they say, dumbass. georgette is also the reason why taffeta and cotton are… Like That. like what? stubborn loud fuzzy taking zero shit, etc,

RAJAH SCARLATINA: scarlatina women seem to always land themselves timid men and nobody is sure how, or why, but georgette wasnt the first to start this trend and shes def not the one to end it. rajah is pretty mild-mannered, but like georgette, never rested when people needed help. he and ash (and tenné) get on real well because they’re happy enough to mind their own Fuckin Business whilst their wives barrel around with all the grace of rampaging bulls. still, rajah’s also very much a product of his time as an early settler to menagerie; he’s never really… happy with everything, because they lost so much leaving for this shithole, so he’s always kinda… mildly sad about stuff, but the same can be said of any faunus his age tbh.

COTTON SCARLATINA: the older of the two Scarlatina Daughters, cotton is… manic. full of energy, always looking to burn it off. she’s an optimist at heart since she and taffeta came to menagerie when they were ten and therefore are more accustomed to the island, and her primary objective is making a good home and a good start for the family. she’s not too interested in politics or revolution, mainly because she’s the type of woman who plans by meals and mouths to feed, if u get me. she’s also pretty smug because her side of the family are rly growing up (TWO wives. a GRANDKID. its ALL COMING UP COTTON) and it means she gets to spend more time doing stuff she’s passionate abt!!!!!!! nice!!!!!!!!

TENNÉ SCARLATINA: i put an accent on his name and i regret it every day of my life. anyway. tenné isn’t entirely sure how he ended up with just The Most scarlatina, but he did and, well, there’s no backing out now. tenné‘s a deer faunus and was around cotton’s age when he and his family moved with the scarlatinas to menagerie, so he and cotton have always been close. he’s very patient and doesn’t always have a lot to say, but he and cotton are a great team when it comes to managing the entire homestead together. again, he’s not a political type, and just wants to keep his corner of things safe in uncertain times. he always pretty rarely leaves the homestead for anything, so he’s also kinda reclusive, but so is cotton! it all works out!

HAWTHORN SCARLATINA: i won’t go into the partners lest i Die but hawthorne is the eldest child of cotton and tenné. got antlers like his da, and he’s a pretty big fellow by scarlatina standards (that is to say, not thin enough to fly away in a stiff breeze). hawthorn is… well, long and short, he’s a himbo, but he’s also a pretty devoted homesteader (this is a trend! watch this space). his wife, saffron, was from desert sands and they’d been dating for a While before they got married, and they’re the first to have kids of all the first-gen* scarlatinas. he’s got cotton’s love of the family and tenné’s sort of quiet offset nature, though he was pretty rowdy as a kid (he grew out of that once velvet broke his nose tho).

RAMIE AND BIRCH SCARLATINA: twins! twins! oh my god! twins!!! fraternal twins!!!

ramie is the older of the two (my friends who were w/ me when we played the RWBY ttrpg will Remember Her) and she’s. well she’s surprisingly enough like taffeta that cotton jokes that clearly she’s gone and had the wrong kid. she’s very Firm abt things and has a way of naturally corralling people to follow after her, if only because this bitch has enough common sense for herself and, like, five people. she was also voted Best Lesbian Cousin five years in a row, and she and auburn get on like a house on fire. they’re also very into PDA, don’t mind them.

birch is the younger of the two and ramie always calls them the emo one. they’re not really so much into people as they are into their crafts and their plants (their bedroom looks like a greenhouse dont mind them) and they have tenné’s nature and georgette’s focus on working all the goddamn time. they’re good company is you strike up convo in the areas they have interest in, but sometimes it’s like talking to a brick wall. ramie is very fluent in their noncommittal grunts of disinterest, though.

FIR SCARLATINA: he’s one year old. he’s a baby. idk shit.

TAFFETA SCARLATINA: here’s the bitch we’ve all been waiting for

taffeta is like georgette if georgette was somehow more like herself. whereas the other half of the family are more core to the values of the clan, taffeta’s a tribe woman, and when she wakes up in the morning her focus is always on the wider community. taffeta’s very much just a machine of intent; she farms, she builds, she repairs, she trades, she gives, she travels, she does SO much and she’s very much the face of the family at present (which is why ppl hear the name ‘scarlatina and go ‘oh god’ w/o realising the other half wont bother u even slightly djsfggjsdfh). she’s STURDY she’s FLUFFY and she has zero qualms abt putting u in a headlock if u deserve one. dont test her. that said, taffeta’s a very reasonable woman; i’ll eventually go more into that at some nebulous point in the future hdjsgfjghksfd

ASH SCARLATINA: it’s everyone’s favourite da! i’ll TRY and keep this short. ash (MUCH LIKE THE MEN SO FAR) is just. so chilled out. can everyone PLEASE be quiet. well, he didn’t used to be – ash lived in kuo kuana before meeting taffeta and had such severe anxiety abt crowds that the boy could barely put a sentence together, let alone much else, not in the scarlatina household, he’s very calm and hard to ruffle. ash really just likes to do his thing, which is everything taffeta doesn’t do; he cooks, he watches the kids, he fixes stuff in the workshop, and he’s big into photography of the family, which is where velvet gets it from! ash is basically taffeta’s counterbalance, but being with her means he’s also become pretty well known about the town (if not for. entirely the reasons you think,)

CHIFFON SCARLATINA: the eldest of ash and taffeta’s kids! chiffon is a weird one; she takes a lot after ash in that she’s pretty reserved and doesn’t let a lot bother her, and when stuff does bother her, she expresses it pretty quietly. also, unlike her cousins who are all homebodies, chiffon was the first kid to actually leave the homestead for kuo kuana to work on the docks during a biiiig overhaul and extension of the boardwalk. she wanted to get out and see the world, but human tourists really out her off the idea, so after about a year and a bit she ended up returning home where she’s stayed ever since. after taffeta retires, she’ll probably be the next face people know and relate to the name scarlatina, tbh.

VELVET SCARLATINA: do i. do i have to say anything about her. you KNOW this bitch. anyway. velvet’s got taffeta’s stubborn sense and ash’s compassion, wants to travel like chiffon, has enough determination to just keep going when it gets her down. extremely stupid. herbo energy. trans jock. has fists will punch. fluffy. fuzzy. hot. dumbass. seriously, do i have to say anything else?

SATIN SCARLATINA: it’s a baby! just kidding, she’s 11. satin is pretty young but she’s at that age where she’s tryna figure out the world for herself. she’s already shaping up to be a lot like taffeta – bold and brash and determined – and much like her older siblings, politics is already playing into her interests. satin really wants to see vale and her tribelands, but after what happened to velvet at uni, taffeta’s trying to… well, not talk her out of it, but encourage her, gently, to reconsider. it’s not working. she and chiffon get on spectacularly well, and she and velvet get on ever better.

HICKORY SCARLATINA: okay, NOW baby. well………. okay, yeah, he’s 7. hickory is a little dreamer, never really in the present. he’s super into making stuff and helping out the adults around the homestead, and he’s not really noticed enough to be infuriated like satin, so he’s got that youthful, uh, innocence, let’s say, that means right now? life is GREAT! eventually he’ll find out that no, it’s not all that great, tbh, but right now he’s a champ at feeding the rabbits, pulling up veggies, and finishing his plate. good job hickory!

AND THAT’S THE FAM (save for the inlaws). theyre great and i think abt em all the time. could u tell? could u tell, sharkie,

*so i looked up the whole ‘generations’ thing to check if i was right and it turns out both first-gen and second-gen have incompatible definitions (thanks america) but for the sake of not going nuts, all of cotton’s and taffeta’s kids r first gen and fir is second-gen. u could also argue cotton and taff are first-gen on account of being pretty young when they came to menag but honestly it’s too complicated. lets just leave it at that sdfjhgksdf

[plsbyallmeans]

Hillary Clinton on Her Surreal Life and New Hulu Doc: “I’m Not the President, and I Got More Votes! It’s So Crazy!”

The former candidate looks back and laughs. What else is she gonna do?

Hillary Clinton sat serenely before me, as if she didn’t have a care in the world. That was my first surprise as I was ushered into a room at a Pasadena hotel to talk to the former Secretary of State and the woman who won the popular vote in the 2016 election about Hulu’s four-part documentary series, Hillary (premieres March 6). Although she’s been accused of being plodding and dour, Clinton exuded buoyant warmth. And then there was her laugh. At first I was convinced that it was deployed for effect. (Politicians get media training; is laughter training a thing?) But gales of it tumbled out so regularly and recklessly that it seemed clear Clinton was just relaxed—maybe for the first time ever?

Sure, sometimes her laughter sounded rueful, but a lot of us feel rueful these days. And while she has stopped ascending the political ladder, Clinton’s name still sparks both adoration and loathing, as well as generalized post-traumatic stress. Some people wish she would withdraw into media exile rather than shadow the current election like the ghost of campaigns past. That gave some pause to Nanette Burstein, the documentary filmmaker behind The Kid Stays in the Picture and American Teen who took on this project in 2018. Burstein knew the Clinton defeat was still a raw wound for liberal America. But it was a cross she was willing to bear, given the complete editorial control and 35 hours of interviews with her subject she was granted, along with leeway to pose any questions she wanted.

I started to ask Clinton how it felt to participate in this legacy-defining project after so many years of having her life’s narrative framed by others, but the word “framed” triggered an explosive howl of laughter. “By all definitions of that word!” she said, eyes flashing, before collecting herself again.

“I decided to do it because I’m not running for anything and I think my life and my story has parallels with women’s lives and stories and what’s going on in politics,“ Clinton told me resolutely. (This was several weeks before the rumor circulated that Mike Bloomberg was considering asking Clinton to be his running mate.) “Thirty-five hours sitting in a chair answering questions is grueling but I felt like if I didn’t tell my side of the story, who would?” she added with a shrug. “At least there’ll be a baseline: Here’s what actually happened in my life. Here’s what I actually said about it.”

That led to some very uncomfortable conversations about the many scandals that engulfed the Clintons, including her husband’s affair with Monica Lewinsky. (“It was awful what I did,” Bill Clinton tells Burstein, barely able to look at the camera. “I feel terrible about the fact that Monica Lewinsky’s life was defined by it.”) “I had to ask the ex-president of the United States about the most personal thing in his life and why he would make such a decision,” Burstein recalled. “It was very intimidating! But it was about: How did this affect Hillary and her marriage and the repercussions of that, which followed her 20 years later, into this last election.”

The series flickers back and forth between Hillary Clinton’s youth and the present, weaving together a complicated and flattering (if not quite hagiographic) portrait of a woman who’s provoked admiration and abhorrence for much of her life. Sometimes she seems like a real-life Zelig, popping up near the center of American culture for the last half century. But Zelig was a bystander, whereas Hillary got right in the thick of the action, sometimes changing the course of events and others times being swept along by them.

Clinton came of age at the exact moment that the women’s liberation movement was rising, and her 1969 Wellesley commencement speech landed her a spot in Life magazine. As a young lawyer, she wrote briefs as part of the staff for Nixon’s impeachment hearings (decades later, in a savage irony, she saw the process from another angle when her own husband was impeached). After following Bill to Arkansas, she confronted good old boy sexism, encountering judges who thought women shouldn’t be lawyers and constituents who felt the first lady of Arkansas should take her husband’s name. When Bill cheated on her in the White House, some women were furious with Hillary for standing by him. Conversely, when Bill entrusted her with the daunting task of devising a universal health care plan 16 years before Obamacare, right-wing rage, and revulsion boiled over. Footage in the Hulu series features protesters brandishing posters with slogans like “Hillary makes me sick” and “Heil Hillary.” At a Kentucky rally, they even burned her in effigy.

“I was threatened when I went around the country talking about it,” Clinton told me of that heated Hillarycare moment, shuddering at the mention of the burning effigy. “The Secret Service made me wear a bulletproof coat at one event because they had taken guns and knives off of people trying to get into the outdoor event. I thought, Shit, I’m trying to get people health care! It’s not like I’m stealing your firstborn here! What is the matter with you?” she shrieked, howling with laughter. “It was so weird—like, what’s happening here? Were they paid? A lot of them were riled up by talk radio…. But yeah, I had a lot of very unusual experiences.”

In the Hulu series, former adviser Cheryl Mills recalls “Hillary hater sessions” during Clinton’s 2008 campaign for the Democratic nomination: Women complaining that the candidate was too power-hungry or that she’d been weak for staying with Bill. “It was like watching The Exorcist: The bile would just keep coming up,” Mills said. Clinton herself told me that before she ran for president, a psychological researcher warned her she’d have problems with white women “because they don’t want any conflict with their husbands, their fathers, their sons, their brothers, their boss. And white men are not going to vote for you—they didn’t vote for your husband, they didn’t vote for Obama, et cetera. So there was a lot of pressure on these women.”

Whatever your view of Clinton’s politics, Hillary reminds us that she was voted the most admired woman in America in the Gallup Poll for 16 years in a row. (Michelle Obama knocked her off the top slot.) Clinton fervently believes she had the white woman vote nailed down in 2016 “until Jim Comey dropped that letter on me,” she said. “I was going to win, I am absolutely convinced of that…. What happened is that white women left me, because their husbands or their bosses or whatever said, See? See? She is going to jail! It was a very effective assault on me.” The series points out that not only was Clinton’s career shaped by her own husband’s infidelity, but it was derailed once again by the sexual misbehavior of Anthony Weiner, husband of her top aide, Huma Abedin. The FBI probe into his sexting a teenage girl ultimately led to Comey’s announcement that they were reopening the investigation into Clinton’s use of a private email server. This reignited the frenzied right-wing smear campaign and, she believes, turned off enough vacillating voters to throw the election to Trump.

Burstein didn’t want to lean too heavily on the gender angle because there are elements at play in Clinton’s turbulent trajectory that “have nothing to do with that,” she said. “They have to do with politics. With her own personality. But there are also things that are very specific to being a female when you’re trying to do something no one else has done…. You really see that play out in her story over and over again.” The documentary shows how the battery of conflicting public expectations and right-wing vilification over several decades caused Clinton to build up defenses, which made her seem ever-more guarded and humorless. That armoring process started as early as law school, where she learned to put her head down and work hard “despite whatever obstacles were put up. And when you fast-forward into an age where everybody wants to see what your emotions are and how you respond and all that... It’s really a different environment in which we find ourselves now.”

Clinton first sat down with Burstein for interviews just a few days after the 2018 midterm results came through with their record number of women elected to Congress. The former first lady and Secretary of State regards the anger-fueled impetus that drove so many women to run for political office as the silver lining to her 2016 defeat. “She doesn’t feel that it’s a tragedy, so why should I depict it that way?” said Burstein. “She’s not bemoaning her existence every day. She’s like: Okay, what’s next?”

Sitting in front of me in a nubby tweed blazer, Clinton said she tries to be realistic about the progress women have made during her lifetime. “A lot of legal barriers have disappeared, and that’s a big step. So now we deal with all of these pent-up stereotypes and judgments about what women should and shouldn’t do or should and shouldn’t be. And we have all these forces—political and ideological and religious and financial—arrayed against further progress. And we have a president who is a willing tool. He doesn’t believe any of this stuff. He has absolutely no core beliefs whatsoever.”

Clinton won’t endorse anyone in the primary, she told me: “I just want whoever can beat him to get the nomination. Beat him in the Electoral College. That’s all I care about. I’m not going through this again!” she said, dissolving into laughter once more.

I asked Clinton if she ever thought about what she’d be doing in a parallel world where she hadn’t moved to Arkansas and married Bill. She evaded the question, telling me she moved there because she wanted to decide whether to marry and just fell in love with her life there. But then I mentioned to her William Gibson’s new novel, Agency, which takes place in a world where Hillary is president.

“Oh, I’d love to read it!” she gasped, asking for more details. In our own reality, “I’m not the president and I got more votes. It’s so crazy! So I’m interested in somebody writing something about a different ending.” She smiled and wailed, “I want to live in that world!”

(Link)

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Kwamibusters

Warning: Spoilers! That's all.

Plagg's cheese addiction goes too far to the point that he leaves Adrien's bag and heads to Mrs. Mendeleiev's class.

And wait, there's more! Tikki tries to talk some sense into Plagg because he apparently does this EVERY DAY! I swear, his cheese addiction has gone too far! He even calls it "magic cheese" that "reappears" everyday!

At some point, Mrs. Mendeleiev apparently spotted Plagg because she apparently had this all set up: hiding behind the desk with a net and saying "I got you now" or some sort of variation of that.

While trying to catch Tikki and Plagg, Mrs. Mendeleiev had made a fool of herself and made the Miracu-class wonder what was going on. Which is a mood when one hears a thud. Then there's Miss Bustier, who tries to get their attention, which is a teacher's mood. Overall, that was all a mood.

Tikki and Plagg (to some extent) should be fortunate that Kwamis cannot be captured on video or photographically because apparently, Mrs. Mendeleiev had set up a camera. But they are obviously not off the hook as Mrs. Mendeleiev saw them.

More Tikki and Marinette bonding please! I like how Marinette sees Tikki as the one friend she can be real with. Reminds me of my dynamic with my best friend in which we are honest with each other.

Plagg being on the roof was mood. He just chilling there as if nothing has happened. But don't worry. Tikki reminds him that they are in danger of exposing their owners' identities and in danger themselves.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Plagg, Plagg, Plagg. You truly are calm in a situation that has dire consequences. But let me explain that later.

Mrs. Mendeleiev apparently goes as far as to appear in Alternative Truth TV: Where nothing is really true or false. This Plagg. This is the worst that could happen.

Kim being obsessed with the show is relatable. Him acting as the talk show host was fun to watch and he annoys Mr. Damocles in the process. An added bonus. He's asked to sit and be quiet so many times. Couldn't help but laugh.

He's also super energetic about Mrs. Mendeleiev's appearance on the show and cheers on for Alix's brother as well.

I understand Alix being annoyed with her brother for being on the show to prove that Egyptian Pyramids are actually spaceships. I hope my brother never does this otherwise I am moving to another country and changing my surname. She's barely holding it together and I felt some secondhand embarrassment. Why must her brother do this?

I am not surprised that Adrien and Marinette are shocked that Mrs. Mendeleiev discovered their kwamis with an accurate description. Interdimensional beings that can go through matter and like aged cheese (I'm looking at you Plagg!)

Adrien saw Marinette leave during the show. Reasons for suspicion are starting to pour in.

And can we talk about the drawings? That went from 0-100 real quick. Their thought might be "Definitely my kwami".

And I gotta say, Mrs. Mendeleiev has better artistic skills than me. I am really bad at drawing.

Marinette for the first time in a while was not the one that had to learn a lesson. This time its Tikki who learns a lesson. We've never seen Tikki be reprimanded before, so take notes.

I seriously love the bond between Mari and Tikki. They are willing to forgive each other for their mistakes, no matter how serious the consequences are.

Mari also figures out that Chat Noir attends Francois-Dupont and that he must be one of the boys after Tikki mentioned Plagg. But withheld from trying to uncover more so she would not have to give up her Miraculous.

Which reminds me: WHEN DID IT BECOME PART OF THE RULES THAT IF EITHER ONE OF THE HEROES IN OUR FAVORITE DUO THAT THEY HAVE TO GIVE UP THEIR MIRACULOUS???? It was initially for security reasons that they would not reveal their identities, but if it's by accident, they still have to give up their Miraculous???? There's a major plot hole here that I'm gonna keep thinking about and no I will not stop internally screaming.

And another thing, Marinette seemed very sad about the idea of relinquishing her Miraculous. The sense of responsibility and the feeling of saving Paris I feel gave her a sense of serving a purpose. I mean who else would feel like they are serving a purpose by being a superhero, savior of [insert place]? What I'm trying to say in my confusing sentence is that she enjoys (to a great extent) being Ladybug and does not want to give that up.

Before we get to the Adrien and Plagg moment, the panel of judges for Alternative Truth believed Alix's brother with a 3/3 vote, but Ms. Mendeleiev did not get any votes, making her statement false. She does not take this well. (Because why would she take it well? She was humiliated on TV for goodness sake?) This is when she gets akumatized and Hawkmoth tells her what they are called.

Alya feels embarrassed for Mrs. Mendeleiev, whereas Chloé was humiliated for herself because Ms. Mendeleiev is her teacher??? Your teacher was humiliated on TV, so stop making it about you Chloé!

And speaking of Chloé, how did she not recognize Tikki and connect the dots??? I saw on Tumblr and on the YouTube comments that in "Princess Fragrance", she met Tikki and found out that she belonged to Marinette. She would've been able to figure out that Tikki is a kwami and Marinette is one of the superheroes at the very least. But then again, Ms. Mendeleiev's drawing was...okay.

Adrien just jumped in and said Plagg was irresponsible (me). And how did Plagg react? He was like "Kwamis can never be caught" and basically called him and Tikki party poopers. (Well, he called Tikki Sugarcube, so that leads to my next point).

He figures out that Ladybug is someone he knows already at school. This is when Plagg panics.

Adrien and Marinette leave the bathroom at the same time and Adrien noticed Mari, but both run back when they hear the news alert.

Back to Mendeleiev, she turns into Kwamibuster, which is obviously the paradoy reference to Ghostbusters (if you are into that sort of thing). And speaking of references, she reminded some of us about Mr. Crocker from Fairy Odd Parents. Although she is not the crazy lunatic that Crocker is.

May I mention that the screen was split and we ended up getting a united look at the news, with one half of the screen being from Mari's end and the other half from Adrien. I loved that so much! Can we get more of that please?

Before Adrien transforms, he asks Plagg if Marinette was Ladybug. YES YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT! Oblivious Adrien figured it out and was happy about the thought. And Plagg RUINED EVERYTHING! He was like "NoooOoo" and gave the speech that figuring out Ladybug's identity means giving up his Miraculous. Also, note how he was anxious to be sucked into the ring. And we know how Plagg normally feels about it. Also, his advice: ignore the problem. For once, that's actually good advice.

Ladybug saves Alec (I believe that's his name) from falling 50 feet from the safe and he gets out of the safe, seemingly star struck that Ladybug saved him. Either he was in shock from almost dying or from being saved by an icon. This was something new to watch since normally everyone else does not shout "Ladybug saved me!" in the way he did. I might be overthinking it.

"Ladybug defies the laws of science." -> Chat Noir. This was his best entrance line in my opinion.

Ladybug and Chat Noir argued over whose kwami is responsible for this mess. Ladybug's argument is that Plagg was irresponsible. Chat's argument was that Tikki was there too. Ladybug's rebuttal was that Tikki was trying to keep Plagg in line and that Chat and Plagg are a perfect match. You know if you think about it, superhero personality and kwami personality are sorta linked.

Ladybug gets zapped and detransforms. Chat goes to check up on her, but she says she's fine. He respects her privacy and helps her escape. See? Even Chat knows priorities. Although she would not have been caught if he didn't distract her from escaping Kwamibuster. (This is causation, I am in a Law and Society major, and I have a Criminal Law test next week. Moving on!)

Chat gets blasted too and escapes as well. And that leads us to...

...BANANA NOIR ORIGIN STORY! One of the hosts was wearing a banana suit, which Adrien found in the end to hide his identity while he escaped. And this is the origin story because...

...this episode took place before "Feast", where we see Banana Noir (I'm sorry, I'm still laughing.) Why do we know this? Because after Feast, Master Fu went on the run (to some extent). Marinette went to Master Fu's place in this episode to strategize.

Master Fu, I know you were the one who implemented the identity rule! I'm onto you!

Anyways, THIS IS THE MULTIMOUSE EPISODE! Marinette literally wore every single Miraculous that was in the Miracle Box, to which Master Fu warns that too much power could mess with her head. Now we wonder if Emeline wore the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous at the same time and something went wrong??

But we know Marinette well enough that we should trust her with her plans. I mean to echo Wayzz, Marinette had never let them down. Also, there were some Miraculous that were worn only to free the kwamis so that they'd help her.

MULTIMOUSE TRANSFORMATION ROCKS!!! I STAN! (This is just as awesome as Lady Noire's transformation)

This excitement is short-lived though because Multimouse ends up feeling lightheaded when she was about to head out. But she rises and marches forward. YOU GO GIRL!

The Kwami Swarm (Stampede?) comes flying in, to the delight of Kwamibuster and Hawkmoth.

Multimouse introduces herself separate of Ladybug, though she is flattered. Adrien trusts her to get Plagg back, which is awesome!

[Kwami 1], [Kwami 2]: unify! The unification of the Miraculous was AWESOME!

Multimouse (well, a few of her copies) were captured on purpose so she could unify with Plagg was the most genius idea ever!

The one with Chat's Ring returned it to him so he would no longer be in the Banana costume, which he was glad to ditch (even though he kept it in theory).

Mirage!

The mirage involved fixing everything and being able to show that Marinette was Multimouse, but a separate person from Ladybug. I sense the problem that because Marinette in a sense is Multimouse, Hawkmoth could use that to his advantage. But what is the possibility that she will be Multimouse again. Also, Chat was the only one there! So that's that.

Chat was like "I don't know what my kwami was doing at that elementary school." Ladybug in a sort of deadpanned tone: "It was a high school". I couldn't help but laugh. He said it was a high school before, he goes there, and it was the simplest plan to hide his identity compared to Ladybug's.

If Marinette and Ladybug were two different people, I'd ship them, no doubt. Chat, you got competition...

I am a bit annoyed at Chat because he wasn't able to recognize that Ladybug and Marinette look similar, but then again, he probably followed Plagg's advice so he'd be able to keep his Miraculous.

Mr. Cat. MR. CAT??? Excuse me Ms. Mendeleiev, but his name is Chat Noir, not Mr. Cat.

Thank you Chat for reminding Ms. Mendeleiev that she should keep it a secret for the sake of Paris. THANK YOU! Also, "wee!" as in "flying through the city is fun!" (Someone on YouTube pointed this out).

Now remember! The whole thing was a Mirage. That means the akuma wasn't purified yet and everything had yet to be repaired. This is when everything is fixed for real.

Few things to note: Marinette was tired before resorting everything to reality. She deserves a nap after this.

Also, the Lucky Charm this time was a bowl used to contain the Akuma. It is less convoluted than all the other Lucky Charmd from before. But then again, the whole plan was complex.

And to cap it all off, Marinette is the most powerful, smartest person in all of Paris, or even the world. She was mentally and physically capable of wielding multiple Miraculous at once and came up with the most genius plan with multiple moving parts. Our girl is making history in the Miraculous History books. In this essay, I will.

Overall, 10/10 because of Multimouse and Adrien hitting the jackpot on who is Ladybug. The one thing that ticked me off was the whole identity rule that seemingly came out of nowhere. Like where did that come from??? We could have had progress on the identity reveal, but no! It all has to be a secret. I feel like this will go on for the rest of the series. But everything else was awesome and I enjoyed it so much that I watched it three times today. And I spent 4 hours writing this.

[thebonggirll]

Chapter 1 - Quirkless and Adopted

Summary (important)

The first incident was in Qingqing City. An extraordinary child was born who radiated light. After that, reports of people with superpowers popped up across the globe. No one knew what was causing these quirks and before they knew it, the supernaturals became totally normal - the world became a superhuman society with about 80% of the population possessing some uncanny ability. The streets looked like scenes from comic book, a city swirled with chaos and confusion. In these situations, a new profession dominated and collected consciousness.

It was an age of heroes.

With the rise of superpowers came explosive increase in criminal activity. While governments was stuck trying to figure out how to reform laws with quirks in mind, courageous people started performing heroic acts to keep our cities safe - protecting us against villains who abuse their powers for evil. With overwhelming public support heroes found an official place as peacekeepers overseen by the government. Those who performed the best were paid the most and gained all the fame and glory. Their careers depended on their quirk to stay in the spotlight.

Born and brought up in a family where inspite of having quirks, no one really applied for the hero course, Y/N was stuck in a tight position. Her father had fire quirk, while her mother had ice - both worked in an entertainment company. Y/N's father was known for his jolly and happy behavior whereas her mother was known for her calm and strict behavior. Y/N had an elder brother, Haruto, who inherited father's fire quirk. But inspite of being powerful, he decided to pursue music and naturally got a lot of recognition.

And here was Y/N - a girl with an ambition of becoming a hero and saving people's lives. When she first talked about this to her parents, her mother opposed to the idea of becoming a hero and risking life. But things changed for the better when a crazy fangirl attacked Haruto at a concert overseas and he couldn't use his quirk to save himself as it went against the law. He had a few injuries but got saved by a superhero. After Haruto came back home, he sat down with the whole family and explained how Y/N should pursue her dreams. It took a lot of convincing and although reluctant, they agreed to send her to U.A. Academy. They were just scared for her and wasn't sure she could handle everything with her quirk.

You see, Y/N was different. Her quirk was water which came as a surprise to the whole family. But the doctors explained that she was among the very few percentage of people around the world who got a mix of both the quirks and inherited a whole new one. She trained herself ever since she was a child at a beach - Dagoba Municipal Beach Park. It was beautiful at first but soon got isolated due to excess pollution, but it was useful since she was near the sea and she could use her strength as much as she wanted. She practiced at her usual spot for two hours before she went to school. At first she was extremely tired but slowly she got used to it.

At present, Y/N was flipping the pages of her school book with an uninterested gaze. She yawned and checked the time. Y/N was never a morning person. Sure, she would wake up if it's for her training but she definitely wasn't interested if it was for her school studies. She decided to take a break from her training today. Well, she forgot to put on the alarm and Midoriya woke her up an hour before her school started.

Getting up from her study table, Y/N arranged her books and kept it in her bag. She plugged out her mobile from the charger and sat down on the bed - sending a text to her only friend in school.

*Aldora Junior High*

"So as third year students it's time to start thinking seriously about your future and what you want to do with your lives. I could pass out some career aptitude tests but" the teacher threw the papers, "why bother. I know you all want to go to the hero track!" Everyone started cheering. Everyone except for Midoriya and Y/N. While Midoriya was insecure, Y/N didn't want to cheer along with the other students. She found it ironic how these students were cheering about being heroes when they bully other people.

"Yes, yes you guys have very impressive quirks. But no power usage is allowed in school. Get over yourselves." The teacher said, trying to quiet down the class.

"Hey teach! Don't lump me in with these bunch of losers. I'm the real deal but these guys will be lucky to end up as sidekicks with some busted D-listers." Bakugou said grinning.

"Tch. What a narcissist." Y/N grumbled and looked out of the window while the rest of the class started shouting at him.

"Hm, you've got impressive test results. Maybe you'll get into U.A. High." The teacher said checking his result.

"He's gonna try for a national school? It has got 0.2% acceptance rate. It's impossible to get into." Someone commented.

"That's exactly why it's the only place worthy of me." Bakugou said jumping up on the desk, "I aced all the mock tests. I'm the only one in this school who has the chance of getting in. I'll be popular than All Might himself and be the richest hero of all time. People all across the world will know who I am, and it all starts with U.A. High!"

"Oh yeah, Y/N and Midoriya wanted to go to U.A. too right?" The teacher said checking their papers.

Everyone looked at them for a moment and started laughing.

"There's no way Midoriya can get into U.A. without a quirk right?" Someone said.

"A-Actually, they got rid of that rule. I could be the first one!" Midoriya said standing up.

"And you really think you are the only one in this school to get in U.A.?" Y/N said glaring at Bakugou.

"How will you get in loser? By asking your quirkless boyfriend to help you cheat? An adopted freak like you won't even pass the written exam with your average score." Bakugou yelled and broke Midoriya's desk using his quirk. "Listen up Deku! You're even worse than these rejects you damn quirkless wannabe. You really think they'll let someone like you in when they could have someone like me?!"

Y/N did help Midoriya at times, but she didn't most of the time. It wasn't that she felt scared - well a little maybe - but because she felt he should stand up for himself. And clearly he didn't stand up for himself at all during all these times. Meanwhile, Midoriya explained that he was not trying to compete with Bakugou, and only trying to follow the dream he had since childhood because he will not know if he can accomplish it if he didn't try. Bakugou said that the exam is impossible for him because he was defenseless and Midoriya will lose in the exam, as the whole class looks down on Midoriya, snickering.

"Hey Midoriya, you wanna walk home together or you have stuffs to do?" Y/N asked picking up her bag.

"No I have some work, you should go." Midoriya said smiling, taking out his diary.

"You sure?" Y/N asked, knowing that Bakugou was still around, and now that he has heard about Midoriya trying to get in U.A., he will be more agressive with him.

"Yeah, goodbye!" He said, concentrating on his work. Y/N walked home that day having no idea about what her friends were gonna face that day.

Y/N usually trained herself at afternoon upto 8 p.m. While walking back home with her half-drenched hair due to all the practice, Y/N passed by a electronics shop and heard the news. Bakugou and Midoriya was attacked by a villain and All Might saved them.

No doubt in it, Y/N was worried and angry on Midoriya for his recklessness.

Chapter 2

SEASON - I

Ignite

MASTERLIST

A/N - IGNORE THE DATE AND TIME STAMPS :)

[crystalnet]

Pop Music in Ghibli

If you mention Ghibli and soundtracks in the same breath to most people, the first thing they will likely think of is Joe Hisaishi-senpai’s prodigious and immaculate compositions, BUT it occurred to me recently that there’s actually a great amount of pop music showing up in a handful of some of my very favorite Ghibli films. They’re more rare compared to the instrumental tracks, sure, but in that way it might be even be more impactful-- especially for plebeians without an ear for vocal-less music-- when they do show up. Click through as I explore pop music in 5 Ghibli classics. 

#1- The Wind Rises: ‘ "Hikōki-gumo" (ひこうき雲) by Yumi Matsutoya

Okay so hearing this song on a recent viewing of this film was the whole impetus for writing this. By hugely influential and popular song-writer Yumi Matsutoya, this closing-credits track drops just in time for a full fatality against the viewers’ emotional fortitude- if it remains in tact at all by that point. Between the bittersweet lyrics-- which corresponds beautifully with a plot point from the end of the film-- a righteous hammond organ part and this heart-breaking melody, it all just becomes a bit too much, in a great way. 

Mrs. Matsutoya here is outright indecent towards our emotions here. And I love it. In addition to that, the track counts as only one of a few instances of a pop song in a Ghibli joint serving as the closing track. So uh yeah, go down a rabbit hole of Matsutoya’s music if you wanna explore the wonderful world of vintage J-pop/city pop etc., and you will not be disappoint. Also, this isn’t even the first time one of her songs was used... her debut in Ghibli occured 2 decades earlier in....

#2- Kiki’s Delivery Service: ‘I’m Gonna Fly”- Sydney Forester

Okay, so this is not another Matsutoya song. But in the original Disney release of Kiki, this song stood in for what was in the Japanese release a rather different, rockabilly-pop song from one of Matsutoya’s early albums ‘Rouge no Dengon‘, and this has since been corrected on subsequent releases. Tonally they are pretty different, but they both share a level of charm. This English replacement is way cornier though, but I imagine whichever one you grow up with will be the superior and preferable dose of nostalgia. I’m tainted by living with the original 90s English version for so long, that I get really thrown off in the first 20 minutes if, mid-maiden voyage, Kiki turns on her radio to Matsutoya instead of this funny little stand-in.

Speaking of Kiki’s radio, this is one of only TWO instances I’m aware of in which the pop song is diegetic within the film-- meaning it actually comes from a source within the actual world of the movie-- at least sort of (it’s that kinda pseudo-diegesis where the volume of the song makes it clear that it can’t actually be coming from her little radio). This song just really has a kind of saccharine horse-girl charm which I love and I feel like it matches the movie’s atmosphere pretty well despite being modern sounding, whereas Kiki’s world seems to be vaguely set in a version of the.... 50′s where dirigibles never went away? Never really thought about it actually. 

But yeah, these weird contract-based one-off recording artist concoctions are always kinda fun. They remind me of weird tracks from the Detective Conan opening themes where you just wonder about how and why they come about. Ultimately though, Disney probably made a good choice. The song occurs early enough in the film that it might do some work towards dissuading any reservations younger viewer-- or their parents-- might have after wading into such a then-exotic animated film such as this. It gently reassures one that despite appearances, this film CAN be a movie for English-speaking Americans. Plus I mean this lady’s voice actually rocks. I feel like it helped sell the movie to my older Jewel-listening sisters when we were kids and for that I’m grateful~

#3- Only Yesterday: “Omoide No Nagisa”- The Wild Ones  (and much much more)

Okay so Only Yesterday is stuffed to the brim with tons of pop music and other cultural ephemera, far too much for me to parse through now (maybe deserving of its own deep-dive post) but I’ll focus on one that shows up early in the movie.

(This isn’t full track, for some reason the only full version on youtube will not embed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRlKvOiXgjo

This track plays during one of the early memoir-esque narration-heavy flashback scenes. It’s before we are fully thrust into those more washed-out, impressionistic coming-of-age sequences, and are being lead gently into that world by way of recollection from the now adult protagonist. She is remembering the craze in 1966 around “group-sounds”, a genre in Japan that was clearly partly indebted to the British Invasion happening on the other side of the world. 

I like the song a lot because I can hear the Beatles, Kinks and Monkeys etc., but it has it’s own really unique flair on top of that influence. I hear smokey curry and coffee shops. Fuzzy bunny-eared television signals. I think of young fresh-faced Japanese Boomers experiencing a newly technicolor world of pop-culture. The echo on the mic pick-ups whirs in my mind pulling me back toward a “simpler time”. 

The appearance of this song early on is a tip-off to the unfurling of a particularly globally-minded and varied soundtrack in this film which continues to surprise throughout the runtime-- it is my second favorite Ghibli soundtrack after ‘Totoro’ by far and that usually has to do with the incredible Bulgarian choir music that appears, but stuff like this Wild Ones track is just great too. Whether the male-lead/love-interest is playing that Bulgarian “peasant music” via his Toyota’s cassette player or we are getting a history lesson in early J-pop/rock, it’s all particularly tasty. There’s even a couple appearances from music from Japanese children’s television.

A lot of the referencing is nigh impossible for this westerner to parse, but all of it--save for one track-- is pretty ace. That one let-down for me is yet another pop song in the form of the ending credit-sequence track, a Japanese cover of ‘The Rose’. I think Bette Midler is just not a tasty association for an American of my ilk and so even if the rendition is tasteful, and the ending scene is beautiful, it remains the only time I’m let down sonically in the movie. 

Before I move on, it’s worth mentioning that the movie itself may be named after an American film OR a song by the Carpenters. I can’t be sure, but I kinda wish they actually used this Carpenters track to close the film instead of ‘The Rose’ but maybe it was a licensing issue. Anyhow. Perfect movie. 

#4- Whisper of the Hear: “Take Me Home, Country Roads”- John Denver/Olivia Newton John/Various

Okay so the way this song factors into the movie is way different than anything else we’ve discussed so far. I’ll embed the Olivia Newton-John rendition that the film opens with as opposed to the Japanese version that plays in the ending, because uh, as cute as it is, the vocalist (who I think is just the main-character’s voice actress?) is pitchy as hell (maybe in a twee, intentional way?) 

But so yeah, this song is a big part of an initial and reoccurring plot-point in the film which has the young protag. translating the American song into Japanese with her school friends. It’s a slightly illegible plot-point if you watch the English dub, but it basically comes across. According to Wiki, the producer of the film’s daughter actually supplied her lyrics which Mr. Hayao himself supplemented, which is just too cute. In the film, her version is called��‘Concrete Roads’ which has some nice thematic resonance with a lot of the angst that shows up in ‘Pom Poko’ regarding the suburban developments which sprawled out from Tokyo and other major Japanese cities throughout the 20th cent., encroaching on that same beautiful countryside that John Denver was initially sending up.

In a climactic scene, the protag. nervously but triumphantly sings the song along with her magic-boy boyfriend and his grampa’s grampa-friends, and uh yeah it’s cute as heck. 

The film is based on a manga, and though I’m too lazy to research this much, I assume the manga was the first to introduce the concept of centering so much of the story around a relatively benign country-pop tune such as this. But I mean, the choral arrangement in the intro of Newton-John’s is kinda emotional as hell. Mountain-momma indeed. 

#5- My Neighbor Totoro: Ending Theme- I don’t know...

Alright we’ll end with a sampling from the best of the best. I’m not gonna force too much “research” for this ‘cause like, I don’t know man, I just don’t wanna do anything that would remotely threaten to extinguish the magic. And I refuse to ever listen to the abomination that is the Disney re-dub. But I understand they re-recorded these tracks for that. Which, like, why? I’m also assuming the songs were pretty faithful translations of original Japanese tracks, because they’re just too good to have just been created for the western release. Like Hisaishi has to be behind those kalimbas and synth-lines. The lady’s voice basically sounds like my mom to me(?) and the dusty patina on her vocal-track alone kinda makes me wanna weep. 

And I kinda hate when people just joylessly parrot internet meme terms, but this song is what I would be unable to not describe as a “bop”. I mean the drums alone rip. 

This song has a sister-track in the form of an introductory credit-sequence song which accompanies a ridiculously cute visualizer, and they’re both just perfect matches for the joyful, innocent and exuberant nature of the film itself. Elsewhere on the OST, this is basically the last time that I’m aware of Hisaishi using synthesizers and it’s just glorious. Get this man on drum-machines and synths again! So uh yeah, I mean it’s all just great. What else could I say? Best soundtrack of all time period. Full stop. The end. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok that’s that. Keep in mind, there’s like a small hanful of Ghibli I still haven’t seen so there could be some major instance I’m missing but uh, maybe I’ll update if one day I find out there’s a straight up Utada Hikaru song in ‘Princess Kaguya’. Oh and uh yeah there’s this one in ‘When Marnie Was There’ by one Priscilla Ahn . It’s like a b-side of the Kiki song but not as good as that makes it sound like it’d be. But it’s horse-girl-core as hell. So uh yeah.

see ya space cowboy~