#it’s not even slam poetry i just said that as a joke but like… it’s not even funny

[solar-halos]

pov i do the accent challenge

[sizzal]

Hair dye!!!! Kiri X Reader

!!!!!Not my Art!!!!!! (Not my art) Hope you enjoy it!!!! 😆 🌺🪷🌻 Not a good summary But worth a read!!!!! Hair dying turns into a long night of feelings and love spells enjoy my little angels!!!!

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You and Kirishima had been friends since the first week of school at U.A. It is junior year now!  It was innocent at first just being friendly that soon turned to play fighting and that turned into long nights talking about everything under the sun. You had kept everything very much in the friend zone. So it was no surprise that you would ditch the rest of your group almost every Friday night to gossip, dye Kiri’s hair, write, talk, paint, dance, and just keep each other company just the two of you. People shipped you and rumors of you two dating speculated but that was all here say. Girls still asked Kiri but he always politely declined. He only wanted you and he told Bakugou he would wait as long as humanly possible until he could love you “properly”.  He went on some dates but very rarely. But recently something had changed you and he could feel it.  

You had been waiting for Kirishima for the last two hours. He had gone to get string for friendship bracelets and hair dye. You were left all alone on your bed sitting crisscross writing poetry. Yes!; You had resided to “boring” self-discovery. Something Kirishima hates to do.  

“Just be yourself why do you need to figure out who you are when you can Just Be”! He said while he ripped the common book out of your hands. Eager to watch the new movie he has been obsessing over. 

“Well, I happen to like writing poetry. It is the purest form of self-discovery. Just let me finish this last statement and then we can put on the movie”. You said. the sound of soft knocking wakes you up from your trance from when this happened the first year you two hung out. 

“Ok, Ok I am coming,” you said whilst tripping over your own legs and slamming the ground with a bang. You sprung back up and v-lined for the door.

“Hey,” you said with a sigh.

“Hey, did you just fall off your bed” 

“What no… ok yes. Do you have the stuff..?” you said with the smallest form of sarcasm. 

“Yes!!!!” he said while lifting the plastic bag to show you the hair dye and string.

“Thank god you were gone so long I started getting greys,” you said while going back to the place where you had sat before this “major interruption”. 

“Good God! I can see them” he said half joking while laughing. He flopped down on your bed face first with an exasperated sigh. He rolled over to face you, staring blankly at the ceiling. 

“ Umm, can I have the bag now or are you just going to keep me waiting”

“Don’t even start now Miss Impaction, you’ve kept me waiting for three years? Yeah three years now”.  He said while lifting the bag up so you could take it. Then he moved to lay on his stomach. Thinking about how tonight was the night he was either going to confess or accept defeat and lose hope for ever getting as far as the talking stage he had been stuck in the last three years. 

“Ok buddy talk about impation,” you said while you started to rummage. He replied with a sigh. He had bought his signature red dye, the string you asked for, and a myriad of snacks. Ranging from sweet, sour, and savory.  

“Oooo what are you writing?” he said before adding “Dear dairy today I am faced with the inevitable fact that I am so deeply in love with my super hot, sexy friend Eijiro Kirishima. He is the love of my life and I am going to marry him tonight at midnight.” he said mocking you almost perfectly. After he grabbed your book and flipped to the page you had been writing on. You replied with a swift whack of your pillow hitting him square in his face with not a second to spare.  You let go of the pillow and let him digest what just happened.

“HEY!, He said while grabbing you by the waist as you attempted to flee. He wrapped his muscular arms around you and he sat you in his lap facing away from him and tickled you. 

“OH GOD NOOOOO, HAHHAHAHAH,” you said laughing, trying to wriggle your way out of his tight grip.

“Oh, yes honey,” he said as he ruthlessly tickled you. Him having as much fun as you. 

“PLEASE STOP ILL PEE MYSELF IF YOU DON’T, AHHHHhahaha,” You said still kicking and trying to pry yourself from him.

“Should have thought about that before you hit me with that pillow, Angel” he said.

You managed to get away for a brief second before he had you pinned to the bed. Hanging over you, pinning your hands above your hands.  He was so close, you could feel his body heat radiating off of you. You could feel him. You thrashed trying to get free but he wouldn’t budge, all in good spirit of course. 

‘PLEASE I’LL PEE I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL” you said laughing through the tears that were forming from the edges of your eyes. 

“Do it, you won’t” he said calmly as he tickled away. He then let go because he could see it in your face you were about to pee.  He peeled off of you and sat up letting you go free. 

“ Good god Eii, One more second and I would have pissed myself,” you said jumping up and running to the bathroom peeing with the door only partly closed. 

“God” He groaned under his breath, so quiet that not even you could hear it. He was truly whipped. The full view of your body. The way your cleavage pushed up, almost out of your tight sports bra-crop top. Or how your soft-toned stomach looked in those short tight-lose linen shorts. Or how your thighs felt as you pushed against him trying to get free. The way your perfume did things to him. You just did him so dirty. Your demeanor, how you two grew up together. The way your body has changed from fresh out of middle school to this beautiful vessel to hold your engaging personality and loveliness he was sure no one could ever get to except you.  And how smart you were. How you were in love with literature and art. Good god he wanted you; all of you 

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” you asked Eii in a playful tone. 

“Do you? Little miss I am going to hit my best friend in the face with a pillow.” he said mocking you again.

“Well Pretty boy, you mocking me was the whole issue remember?” you said washing your hands under the lukewarm water.

“Mhm,” he replied as he flipped through the pages that you had added to your book. He sat with his head against the headboard of your bed. One leg arched, the other stretched out softly.  you waked over and sat next to him as he scooched over 

“These are actually good, I like the one about rivers and moons and stuff,” he said as he continued to flip through. 

“Yea. Ooo flip back to that page I wanted to show you this.” You said as he flipped back slowly so you could pick it out.

“This one”, you said taking the book and reading: 

“I see you almost everywhere 

In the trees and how they sway softly to the rhythms of our once-shared heart 

I see you in the sunrise 

In the way the colors are painted in the sky, blurring together like notes sitting patiently on a staff; waiting to be played 

I see you in the ocean and how she glistens  in the light of the hour in the heat of the day, the time we were most intimate 

I see you in the moon 

How she sits patiently waiting for her star that will never fall back for her; the star that keeps her bright and beautiful. In a time where we would never know who we are. 

I see you in the rain

In the way the sky cries, melodically sharing her song of anguish and hate for those who prefer her kinder weather 

I see you in almost everything 

and almost everything sees me”. 

You finished, Kirishima’s eyes were locked on you and only you. He never looked away not even for a second. 

“Is that about your Ex?”

“..yea, felt it was time to let him go considering he left me.” You said as you jumped up to grab the hair dye.

“ Is it that time already,” he said burying his face into your bedspread groaning like a kid.

“Uhhh yes, your roots are horrific,” you said pulling him into the bathroom.

“I like the new art you put in your “common book,” he said the name of your book very sarcastically. 

“Yea it‘s a good advancement from heartbreak,” you said while holding your hands over your heart like you had been shot sarcastically referring to your last breakup。

He just rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arms around your waist looking at you two in the mirror of the bathroom. 

“Mmmmm, we would be so perfect together,” he said groaning. He buried his face in your neck. 

“Ok, let me het the stuff for your hair,” you said paying no attention to his last comment. He would say these suggestive things when he had a bad day. Today was one of those days.  You grabbed a tote with solan grade bleach for his hair, a mixing cup, a brush for the dye so everything is even, an old towel, gloved, and tinfoil. He picked you up and sat you facing him carefully on the sink as you started to mix the bleach for his roots. He leaned in right between your legs closing any larger gaps between you two. 

“Ok, so do you want to do your whole head or just the roots,” you said as you combed through his head.

“Do we have to do it tonight, I could just rock black and red hair. The roots don’t look that bad,” he said as he looked in the mirror and picked through his hair himself. 

“Girl, you’re not serious, right?

“Dead ass” 

“you say that now but tomorrow morning you will be rushing to get them covered up,” he said 

“I guess, Just do whatever,” he said with a sigh.

“Look,” You said while grabbing and smooching his face in between your hands so he could look at you. “If you are going to be in a bad mood just leave. I don’t need Mr Moody. Like I am helping you, so be nice to me” you said as looked him deep in his eyes.

“Mmmm,…….. ok I’ll try, but just for good messers can you kiss me better” he said pursing his lips and trying to kiss you.

“Eww, Eii nooo”, you laughed- shrieked as you pushed his face away.

“Just one,” he said chasing your face

“HAHAHA, Nooo,” you said dogging all his attempts. 

“Just one!” 

“Fine, hold still” You said as you held his face gently his your hands and placed a kiss on his forehead. 

“Not what I was expecting but I’ll let it slide,” he said as he mentally kicked himself for not just kissing you.

“Hey, it’s not my fault expectation is the thief of joy,” you said as you kissed him again “Just for good luck,” you said as his face washed with surprise. You looked through his hair and realized the color was fading.

“Feel better”

“Yes princess,” he said as he let you look through his hair once more.

“The whole head I assume,” he said after a pause of silence. 

“I think so, I mean unless you want to look like Mina with faded pink hair this Halloween, oo that reminds me I have to do her hair before we go to the party next weekend,” you said and you started mixing the bleach for his whole head.

“Alrighty but let’s watch a movie,”  he said as he left for his computer. 

“Put on saw.” You shout from the bathroom. 

“Which one?” he shouted back 

“The first one, I haven’t seen ‘em yet,” you said while following him out to the bedroom as you set the towel on the bed so you didnt drip any bleach or color on the white comforter. You washed his hair before this all started. 

“Take your shirt off,” you said while sitting behind him and rubbing his back

“I beg your pardon“ he shot “I would never taint a fair woman unspoken for， without a chaperone” 

You laughed at his joke referring to Brigdgerten and how absurd their world is 

“Shut up, haha,” you said hitting him on the shoulder playfully

“watch it girl pop,” he said jokingly as he pulled the shirt off his back and chucked it in the laundry hamper across the room.

His back was so muscular, it was alluring, to say the least. You touch his back. The warmth sends a slight shiver down your spine.

You started parting, bleaching, separating, layering, and wrapping in tinfoil. This process started at 7 pm and ended at 8 pm. By the time you were finished, he only had about 5 minutes with the bleach left in his hair. You ate snakes and squirmed under the grotesque movie you two were watching. Laughing and talking just about life. Just going back to friends and out of this weird mood he was in. 

“All right done with part 1, five minutes left till we wash ok?” you asked making sure he knew. The timer went off and you paused the movie it was almost finished with the first Saw. You both walked to the shower, unhooked the sprayer, and had him bend over the lip of the tub as you washed the bleach out as you would have in a real salon. 

“Omg!!!! You look so good, almost like Bakugou” you teased 

“Oh My FUCKING GOD!!!! I do” He said as he looked into the mirror. He had never looked at his hair blonde, it was a “cardinal sin” as Kiri put it. But You were pretty sure that he just didnt want to fall in love with the blonde. 

“Ok let me put the red in,” you said as you mixed the red into a clean mixing bowl. 

“Omg I kinda love this new look, but it would be pretty unmanily to take Bakubros look.” He said, he finally seemed back to normal.

“Yeah, don’t get any idea Ei,” you said while pointing to the bed to continue his hair routine. 

You started to put the red in wrapping it in foil and moving to the next one. You maneuvered around him to get every piece. Finally moving to the last part, the roots. 

“Wait! Before you do the roots, do you still have any bleach left?” He asked turning to you.

“yea, why?” you said skeptically afraid of what he was going to do. 

“just come” here he said as he raced to the bathroom. You followed him reluctantly. He sat you on the sink once more and took the bleach in his hand. Mixing what was left in the bowl.

“Do you trust me” 

“Oh god, what are you going to do” you asked as scared as hell.

“Just do you trust me”

“no…yes..no…why” you whined 

“Just trust me angel…mmmk,” he said as he winked and smirked with this wicked smile. It was cute tho, He was cute. 

“Ok… don’t let me regret this”, you said as you let him put bleach in your hair. He pulled your hair out from your half up half down style and brushed it, washed it then put the bleach on your money pieces. Your hair was a little longer than your chin, with a bit of a bob-not-bob going on with very nice layers and longer curtain bangs. You put your hands over your face and squealed. Afraid of the outcome.

“Ok we are done,” he said with an excited sigh. You turned to see your bangs covered in tinfoil. 

“Oh lord!!!!! If this is bad, I’ll shave your head” you said as you pushed him away gently as you hopped off the counter. He sat back down and you started to do his roots. You finished the back and sides all that was left was the front. You started dying the roots. Not even 5 minutes before:

“Ok stop, we need to talk,” He said as took your hand leading you to sit on the bed. 

“yea???? is something wrong?” You asked genuinely confused about what he was about to say.

“I can’t do this anymore, the hiding, lying and faking. Just come clean or I will” he said giving you a chance to confess first. You stared at him confused and blankly looking for a reaction you could cling to to make this make sense. You had no idea what he was talking about.

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” You said genuinely. 

“Bullshit,” He said as he looked you so deep in the eyes. A look only described by infatuation. Your heart started to pound like a beating drum. We he about to say what you thought he was?

“Ok since you won’t say it I will, I have liked you since the first week I met you. You are interesting, compelling, smart, and beautiful. I have loved growing up with you these past years, I love that you are constantly changing with and away from the times. I love your personality and genuine caring personality. I love that you are passionate about everything, art writing, and everything in between. I have seen you grow out of phases and relationships just as you have seen me do the same. It has been an honor spending time with you as close as we have gotten.” he sighed and your heart just kept pounding not a single thought could be seen in your brain. You felt bad bc he was pouring out his heart and all you could think about was how y’all’s hair was so cooked. He started again:

 “I told myself that when you got out of your most recent relationship if you did, considering how much you loved your Ex. That if you broke up I would make a move. It sounds creepy and weird and I don’t want to lose you because of this but I am prepared to.  I didn’t think your relationship would last as long as it did, I thought you found the one, but then it crashed and burned. Y/n L/n I love you, I have for the longest time. I have never loved anyone like I love. Bakugou was telling me I should make a move and Blah blah blah but I was scared. So tell me you feel the same.” he said as he put his face in his hands, hiding his burning blush. 

“Eii…” you started sweetly before he stopped you

“Just let me down easy pls,” he said. You took his face in your hands and leaned in and kissed him long and passionate, just how you always wanted your first kiss to be. His face lit up as he threw his arms around you pulling himself into your embrace. Giving you the biggest hug and feathering kisses around your face fast and rough. 

“Wait you not kidding right?” He asked stopping mid-face kiss. 

“Fuck no’ you said as he started to yell with joy. 

“Omg she loves me too…. She…she….love..es me” He said jumping up and singing, spinning and pacing before crying in disbelief. 

“Kiri…. oh you poor baby come here pretty boy,” you said while standing up and cradling his face in your neck as he sobbed out of happiness.  

“Oh shit my hair!!!!” you said leaving him to reflect and take in this newfound reality.

You washed out the bleach. He let you surprise him with your new hairstyle it’s your turn to surprise him. You took some of the grade-A red hair dye and put in on the money pieces wrapped it in tinfoil to sit and went you to finish his hair. You finished it, set a timer, and sat in front of Ei.

“Kiss me again?” he said 

“Of course pretty boy,” you said as you placed a soft kiss on his lips before deepening the slow passionate kiss. The warmth and rhythmic melodies escaping from both of your mouths just filling the room with an intense heat. His hand was intertwined in your hair and he deepened the kiss even further. Your hand around his neck and cheek needing him, needing this. His tongue reached for your lips as if to ask for permission to enter your mouth. You both meeting in the middle. The taste of Kirishima was intoxicating. The way he slides his tongue on the tip of your teeth and how his tongue wastes not a second to explore every part of your mouth, you follow his lead. As this kiss expands. His pace speeds up at a rapid pace. He was never a patient person so you understood this need for you, this lust. The lude noses dripping from both your lips. His hand pulled at your soft short hair causing you to moan. You really did something to him and it showed in the way his pants had a tent in them from the way he was bricked. Only leads you to feel the heat in your core growing rapidly. 

You ran your tongue over his sharp teeth before he groaned in this newfound pleasure. His tooth accidentally went straight into your lip causing blood to spill over the kiss.  His shirtless body looks so fine in the low lighting. His define mucless and yummy-looking abs. 

“MMMMM,” You whined as you pulled away, 

“Trying to kill me I see,” you said as a long string of saliva parted both ways. You both laughed at the lude sight. You brought your hand up to his lip and wiped away the saliva and he did the same ,smearing it all over instead. 

“Eww, EI!!!!” You laughed. He just smiled。

“Sorry, I didn’t even process the fact I cut you, am so sorry, let’s clean you up,” he said while grabbing you bridal style and setting you down on the sink. You got all patched up just the timer went off. 

“Hey, I gotta wash your hair,” you said as you hopped down once more and showered him off. You washed his hair making sure to thoroughly scrub his hair and massage his head. When you finish it’s your turn.

“Hey go get ready for bed I am going to wash my hair out,” you told him while placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Wait how long has that bleach been in your hair?” he asked confused and worried.

“Don’t worry I have a surprise for you” you said as you smirked and giggled.

“oh lord,” he said convinced you were about to lose a third of your hair. You washed out your hair and blow-dried and styled it just to make sure it had the best first impression.��

“ok I am coming out” 

“ook you long enough,” he said as his jaw dropped. He was speechless, the bright red in your dark hair. 

“Now everyone will know I belong to you,” You said giggling as you ran to his arms and cuddled up on your bed. 

“God damn it I love you even more now,” He said kissing and running his hands in your hair.  you before you said 

“I love you too my pretty boy” You cuddled him to sleep. Tomorrow will be a crazy day for your class. a Saturday get-together at the skate park. This would be fun.  (Your class was geeked to see yu two toegether Mina made you tell her the whole story start to finish!!!)

Thank you guys, so this is long and took a while. Sorry for spell check mistakes I am illiterate!!!  NOT PROOF READ!!!! Tell me what you think about this!!!!

Love you!!!!!!!!!♥️😆

[beardedmrbean]

Imma throw this at ya though it’s outta nowhere but simply cause me an my sis have been making jokes about it.

When they change twitter to X it’s gonna be awkward when folk tell people to follow them.

When they change twitter to X ya ain’t gonna call it following anymore it’ll be called stalking.

When twitter changes to X ya won’t be tweeting anymore you’ll be crying.

When twitter changes to X you won’t be verified anymore you’ll be dumped.

When twitter changes to X things are gonna get awkward for a few reddit boards.

When twitter changes to X r/LatinoTwitter is gonna become r/LatinoX.

Elon is only changing Twitters name cause there wasn’t any other way to say he owned his X.

Elon changed twitters name to X because his families emerald mine dried up an he’s hoping for buried treasure.

When twitter changes to X we on tumblr can’t joke about checkmarks anymore it’ll just be x’s.

When twitter changes to X it won’t be the bird site anymore it’ll be Scott Pilgrim’s hell.

Disclaimer: My brain somehow filtered out the first line of your ask, because ADHD and or Dyslexia be like that some times,

My issues have been coming at me particularly hard lately, I'm skipping whole words when I'm typing them out, not sure what to do about it other than triple my proofreading efforts.

so I was thinking this was some kind of slam poetry instead of jokes, in retrospect the Scott Pilgrim thing should have given me pause, so I went in with this trying to come up with a serious answer.

Which I'm leaving because I learned some stuff I didn't already know and will assume others might do the same. ______________________________

Asprin is (or was) a trademarked name owned by the Bayer company, Jet Ski, Rollerblade, Jacuzzi, Band-Aid, Xerox, Jello, and just a ton of others are brands that have transcended to the level where their name is just what we call things.

People will still call Twitter Twitter, hasn't changed the domain name yet just the logo, and I doubt anyone but the musk fan club will be calling it "X" even if he does.

As for the family mine, pretty sure he's got nothing to do with that, believe he disavowed that part of his family even before getting going on PayPal.

You know I've never actually looked all that up tho, so I just did.

His father was elected to the Pretoria City Council as a representative of the anti-apartheid Progressive Party and has said that his children shared their father's dislike of apartheid.

That's not something I've heard anyone ever say. Let's see some more about his dad, I've literally never bothered to look any of this up so it's all new information, confirming what I've seen people saying, or totally contradicting what I've seen people saying.

In November 2022, Snopes debunked rumours linking the mine to slavery and apartheid, and linked to an article published in The New Yorker that referenced Musk's part ownership of the mine.

I bet snopes was unhappy about having to debunk the bit about slavery and apartheid there.

Also explains why this is new information to me, since nobody seems to want to give the man a fair shake, he's a tool and a douchebag but it would appear many of the other bits of info are false. ____________

all that aside, folks are still gonna call it twitter, the name is ingrained in our minds, why he's decided to change it is perplexing, at least I haven't heard a reason he may have one I dunno. ___________________________

Going back over the whole thing after reading about them being jokes makes this double funny, and slightly embarrassing on my part, you did forget a few additional bits of info.

It's becoming X (ask how I can remember a mid 90's trip hop group but spell cow wrong)

It's also gonna give it to ya (why isn't there a official, unedited version of the video dammit)

RIP DMX, you went hard from start to finish

[whitepolaris]

Great Waukesha Phantom Kangaroo Flap

Kangaroos are usually lovable and adorable. But sometimes they can be nasty, especially if you've ever stood in the boxing ring and had one put you in the headlock and proceed to pummel you silly, as had once happened to Milwaukee journalist Jackie Louhauis. But overall, they're not the usual kind of monster that raises goose bumps on the flesh.

Yet kangaroos-or something resembling kangaroos-acquire a powerful aura of mystery when they turn up where they're not supposed to. Add to this intriguing situation humans going about their day-to-day business in ordinary suburbia and weirdness inevitably ensues.

Few realize how strange things were in Waukesha County for a brief period in 1978, when stories of kangaroos on the loose hit the national news media, Starting in mystery and wonder, the whole affair soon degenerated into a wacky farce that went down in legend as one of the Badger State's more bizarre episodes, and that's saying a lot.

The episode began on a perfectly normal day-April 5, 1978, to be exact. Waukesha school-bus driver Patricia Wilcox was the beginning of her morning run on Moreland Boulevard, a busy multilane road, when she reported seeing two kangaroos-one little, one big-hop across the road. "I thought they were deer at first," she related. "People were honking and slamming on their brakes, and finally one guy hit one. But it just got up and hopped off. The skid marks are still there. The guy just got out of the car and stood there, looking."

Seven days later, in the town of Pewaukee, Jill and Peter Haeselich and Peter's mother, Esther, saw a kangaroo in their backyard as they ate dinner. The animal, which was between three and five feet tall, was only fifty feet from their dining-room window. Peter ran outside, but the creature took off very fast toward the south disappearing over a hill. "It was going pretty quick," said Jill. "It was hopping. We knew it had to be a kangaroo."

That same day, William Busch, a social worker, was returning home from the Ethan Allen School for Boys. It was four forty-five p.m., and he was driving on Highway 83, just south of Waukesha. Fifteen feet ahead, a little creature scampered across the road. At first, Busch thought it was a dog. The creature had a slightly odd-shaped head, two short legs in the front, and two long legs in the back. He never called it a kangaroo but reported it in good faith as an example of the crazy local fauna.

On April 16, at three a.m., on County Trunk A about a mile east of Waukesha, Greg and Janet Napeientek spotted a creature in their headlights. "We were pretty close, within about thirty to thirty-five yards," Greg said. "It stood up, and I really couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was four feet tall, colored like a deer. Janet thought at first it was a deer, until it stood up on its hind legs, then jumped over a ditch and fled. She said it was a kangaroo."

In Waukesha, people began joking about the so-called kangaroo sightings. The newspaper ran a photo of two children standing beneath a kangaroo-closing highway sign. Storekeepers put cages out front, advertising $50 rewards for captured kangaroos. Kangaroos T-shirts went on sale. Weird letters to the editor were printed in the newspaper. The kangaroo cocktail-made of vodka, Southern Comfort, cranberry, and grapefruit juice-became the favorite drink around town. As one wag said, "It's guaranteed to keep you hopping." People even started writing bad poetry about kangaroos. One fellow wrote, "Maybe it's like the Bermuda Triangle, man, only it's a kangaroo rectangle." And well-known regional prankster William Woolley, who ran the Woolley Boys Bar, planned a kangaroo hunt on the shores of Pewaukee Lake.

Some fifty hunters gathered on the morning of Saturday, April 22 for the hunt. Many carried long black fishnets, oils of rope, and air horns. Some even wore Aussie bush hats. They were stoked," primed with beer since Friday night." Their theory was that air horns attracted kangaroos, and since kangaroos were afraid of water, the hunters would use the horns to drive the beasts to the lake, where they'd be netted. Clearly, it was a sound methodology.

Bill Woolley, head kangaroo hunter, led the safari in his 1973 white Caddy painted with black zebra stripes. A seventy-five-foot fishnet was strung across the beach. Then a crazy combo of motorcycles, four-wheel-drive vehicles, and human beaters with poles tried flushing the kangaroos from a nearby wood, all the while consuming beer and blasting their air horns. The only kangaroo they encountered was some guy dressed in a costume, who mugged for the cameras and got a ride on the back of a motorcycle. Even his costume was ridiculous, being a hastily transformed dog getup with large ears sewn onto it. The hunt lasted until four p.m., when the fearsome, weary warriors retired to Woolley's to crack a free fresh half-barrel. A good time was had by all!

Unfortunately, the hunters had been beating about the wrong bushes. Had they sober enough to wake early the next morning, Sunday, they would have discovered two kangaroos at the Nero residence. Oddly enough, Lance Nero had laughed his head off the night before as he heard about the ridiculous safari on the local television news. During breakfast, however, he was fiddling a different tune as he watched a pair of three- to-four-foot-tall kangaroos emerge from the woods, hop across County 22, and traverse an open field before disappearing from sight.

Nero stared, amazed, then ran to wake his sleeping wife, Loretta. She got up in time to see one of the kangaroos hopping away. "Now that I've seen one, I'm wondering if I'm all right," she said.

Lance and his son, Brock, chased them, Instamatic camera in hand, but lost them in the woods. This did find several tracks, however. They were narrow, about six inches long, and V-shaped, with firm impressions of the toe in front and a softer impression in the back. Nero and his son made plaster casts of the tracks, and cryptozoologist Mark Hall (cryptozoology is the study of unknown animals) subsequently traveled from Minneapolis to make his own set of casts. The authorities insisted that the tracks had been made by deer, but they were clearly not deer tracks.

It was at this point that the First National Bank began using kangaroos in its advertising. And that wasn't all. Someone brought a twenty-one-inch-tall wallaby to a Brookfield Volunteer Fire Department meeting and to the Waukesha State Bank, where it posed for pictures.

Then a much more mysterious photo surfaced. Two twenty-three-year-old anonymous Menomonee Falls camera buffs sent the papers a color polaroid of a kangaroolike creature in a wooded area. The photo was allegedly taken at five twenty p.m. on Monday, April 24. Supposedly, the camera buffs were photographing ducks when they encountered the kangaroo. Their picture appeared in newspaper across the country-proof that a kangaroo was hopping around Waukesha County.

On Thursday, April 27, the Wisconsin Agriculture Department put out a press release warning citizens to beware of kangaroos and to keep pets away from them, especially horses, because kangaroos could be carriers of equine infectious anemia. To determine whether a kangaroo was diseased or not, the press release explained, you had to examine the insides of its lower lip. If the kangaroo had a tattoo declaring it free of equine infectious anemia, you were safe. However, according to Agriculture Department Secretary Gary Rhode, "The problem is that the absence of such tattoos can mean either that the kangaroo tested negatively or that it was not tested at all."

Tattooed lips on kangaroos? This development had everyone talking for days. Turns out, it was a story created by Edward Jackonamis, Waukesha's Democratic state assembly speaker, who had issued a bogus press release that tricked both the agriculture department and newspaper around the state.

By this point, the mystery was officially a farce. Jokers and pranksters had won out, and most people had lost interest in the kangaroos.

Until, that is, Sunday, May 21, nearly a month later. That's when an Eau Claire woman driving along Highway 12 between Augusta and Fall Creek saw "a figure the size of a man hopping across the highway five to six cars lengths in front of her. It wasn't too visible, but it was not a deer, it wasn't a dog, and it wasn't a man."

Kangaroo sightings persisted, even after the famous Polaroid that so many had believed in proved to be a fake. Turns out it was a stuffed wallaby taken from a Milwaukee museum, placed in a cornfield, and photographed. Then in June 2000, some other pranksters confessed to having used a plywood kangaroo cutout, to which they had attached handles. Brothers Randy and Rick Latta and their neighbors, brothers Dick and Jack Schmidt, took credit for many of the kangaroo sightings. They said they would hide in bushes until a car approached, and then they would go bouncing across Barker Road.

However, there was no reported sightings along Barker Road, and it is doubtful plywood kangaroos were getting hit by cars, then hopping away.

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Dirk Strider

Meat, page 2

DAVE: bro

DAVE: bro you have got to check this out

KARKAT: NOT NOW DAVE. JAKE’S ASS IS ON TV AGAIN.

DAVE: stop ogling jakes ass this is important

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHOSE ASS I SHOULD STOP OGLING.

KARKAT: LOOK. IT’S ABSOLUTELY HYPNOTIC.

KARKAT: I MEAN, NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY, PER SE.

DAVE: of course

KARKAT: IT’S ALL IN THE WAY IT’S BEING PROGRAMMED BY THE STATION.

KARKAT: IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO NOTICE, BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE I MAKE IT A POINT OF STAYING GLUED TO THIS PHONY TELEVISED HUMAN GLADIATOR GARBAGE.

KARKAT: IT’S SOFT AS FUCK. THEY BARELY EVEN TRY TO MAKE IT SEEM REAL. DAVE, I CONSIDER MYSELF A COSMOPOLITAN INDIVIDUAL. A MAN OF LEARNING? BUT AS A NATIVE ALTERNIAN, I’M ACTUALLY FUCKING OFFENDED BY THIS INSULTING DISPLAY OF NAMBY PAMBY PAGEANTRY.

KARKAT: ANYWAY, THE MORE I WATCH, I CAN’T HELP BUT NOTICE THE CAMERA’S LECHEROUS FIXATION ON THIS BOY’S VOLUPTUOUS POSTERIOR.

KARKAT: CAN’T SAY I BLAME THEM, I GUESS??? AT LEAST IT SHOWS THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT’S PAYING THE FUCKING BILLS, BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL ISN’T THE QUALITY OF THE SLAM POETRY.

DAVE: ok who gives a shit about that

DAVE: although it pleases me to hear you taking note of the economics of this broadcast since it is apropos to the topic at hand but more on that later

KARKAT: APROPOS TO FUCKING WHAT?

KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE TIME TO “SCOPE THE LATEST MEME,” DAVE. YOU ARE COMING PERILOUSLY CLOSE TO CUTTING INTO MY IMPORTANT LEISURE TIME AS IT IS.

DAVE: leisure time

DAVE: this is all you ever do all day

DAVE: also its not a meme its much more important

KARKAT: OH, EXCUSE ME, HOT SHOT. BUT WHAT POSSIBLY COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LATEST MEME?

KARKAT: THAT WAS A JOKE, FYI. NOW LEAVE.

DAVE: jane is running for president

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?

DAVE: got the announcement right here

KARKAT: YOU MEAN PRESIDENT OF EARTH?

DAVE: yeah

KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE WANT TO DO THAT?

DAVE: i dunno crocker is just an ambitious woman i guess

KARKAT: THIS SOUNDS FUCKING AWFUL.

DAVE: oh it is

DAVE: it absolutely is

DAVE: also like

DAVE: dont tell her i said this but

DAVE: i think shes basically a fascist

KARKAT: WHY WOULD I TELL HER YOU SAID THAT?

KARKAT: WHEN THE FUCK WAS THE LAST TIME EITHER OF US HAD FUCK ALL TO DO WITH *JANE*

DAVE: no i know

DAVE: just like, a figure of speech i guess

DAVE: oh also shes a fucking xenophobe

KARKAT: OF COURSE SHE’S A XENOPHOBE!

KARKAT: DAVE, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED, BUT

KARKAT: A LOT OF HUMANS ARE???

DAVE: yeah ive noticed

KARKAT: ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE EVEN MEAN SHE’S “RUNNING”

KARKAT: WHAT A COMPLETE LOAD OF SHIT?

KARKAT: SHE’S A GOD. WHICH ONE OF THE TOADYING IDIOTS ON THIS PLANET WOULD DARE TO RUN AGAINST HER.

KARKAT: SHE’S GOING TO WIN IN A LANDSLIDE, ASSUMING SHE DOESN’T JUST WALTZ INTO OFFICE UNCONTESTED.

DAVE: yeah i dont disagree

DAVE: which is why we have to stop her

KARKAT: HUH?

KARKAT: DAVE, WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU SAYING?

KARKAT: ARE YOU TELLING ME *YOU’RE* GOING TO RUN AGAINST JANE?

KARKAT: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW *RICH* SHE IS?

DAVE: dude were all rich

DAVE: we like invented the fucking economy

KARKAT: WELL, YEAH

KARKAT: BUT NOT LIKE

KARKAT: *CROCKER* RICH

DAVE: anyway no

DAVE: im not running

DAVE: you are

KARKAT: ME???????????????

DAVE: yeah man

DAVE: its perfect

DAVE: youre the ideal opponent to take her down and tbh just what this planet needs

KARKAT: NO I’M NOT!

DAVE: yeah

KARKAT: WE ESTABLISHED THIS... HOW MANY YEARS AGO?

KARKAT: I’M NOT A LEADER. I WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE ONE.

KARKAT: JANE PROBABLY IS. ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, I’M AGREEING WITH YOU, SHE’S A COMPLETE ASSHOLE.

KARKAT: I’M JUST NOT THE ONE TO RUN AN EFFECTIVE OPPOSITION CAMPAIGN. WHERE... HOW...

KARKAT: I WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START!

DAVE: obviously you wouldnt do it on your own i would help

DAVE: id be like your campaign manager, or chief strategy guy or whatever

DAVE: also youre wrong

DAVE: you were meant to be a leader and youd be a good one

DAVE: just not the kind of leader you always thought youd be

DAVE: not a bellicose conquering dickhead who commands “fear and respect”

DAVE: just a guy who is cool and nice and actually cares about stuff and everyone loves them for that reason

KARKAT: PEOPLE DON’T LOVE ME!!!

DAVE: youre breaking my heart dude

DAVE: brb gonna hit the toilet for a quick power sob

KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP

DAVE: it still amazes me how little awareness you genuinely seem to have of how insanely popular you are on this planet

DAVE: its fucking adorable

KARKAT: YOU’RE WRONG! ALL I SEE IS JAKE ON TV! AND JANE IN THE NEWS STORIES ABOUT HER STUPID BUSINESS, AND DIRK DOING WHATEVER... FUCKED UP SHIT HE’S DOING WITH HIS CELEBRITY PRESENCE??

KARKAT: I SEE YOUR MUG A LOT TOO, MR. FUCKING POLITICAL PUPPET MASTER.

KARKAT: YOU’D GET MORE VOTES THAN ME, AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST A COWARD!

DAVE: you only see famous humans on tv because you just avoid all troll kingdom channels deliberately

DAVE: you hate it whenever you see yourself on tv

DAVE: dont pretend i dont notice you change the channel as fast as possible whenever you see yourself

KARKAT: YEAH WELL MAYBE I

KARKAT: MAYBE I DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE BEING FAMOUS?

KARKAT: AND MAYBE THAT’S AS GOOD A FUCKING REASON AS ANY *NOT TO RUN FOR THE FUCKING PRESIDENCY OF EARTH*?????

KARKAT: NOT TO MENTION THE IDEA OF AN ELECTION IS KIND OF A FUCKED UP AND WEIRD THING TO ME CULTURALLY ANYWAY, AND I’M STILL KIND OF GETTING USED TO THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE CAN JUST... “CHOOSE” THEIR FUCKING LEADERS AND NOT HAVE THE SAME OLD MERCILESS BITCH IN POWER FOR SEVERAL MILLION YEARS.

DAVE: well what better way to acquaint yourself with democracy than to take a crack at high office yourself

DAVE: dude seriously you would absolutely kill it with the troll voting block

DAVE: the entire kingdom would vote for you

DAVE: theyd go ballistic if they heard a troll actually had the guts to run against jane, let alone one of their heroes

DAVE: and frankly just between you and me

DAVE: jane is...

DAVE: how do i put this

KARKAT: WHAT

DAVE: ok ill just be the one to come out and say it

DAVE: shes going to be a fucking disaster for the economy

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: i guess i have to admit

DAVE: part of this

DAVE: for me personally

DAVE: its

KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING DAVE

DAVE: its about obama

DAVE: he barely even got a chance to prove himself

DAVE: he was sworn into office and it was cool and everything was gonna be great but then

DAVE: everyone died a few months later because of meteors

DAVE: dude was just gettin warmed up... so sad

DAVE: i wonder if he would have fixed the economy

DAVE: i bet he would have fixed the economy

KARKAT: DAVE, AS MUCH AS I ENJOY LISTENING TO YOU RAMBLE THROUGH YET ANOTHER CHAPTER OF YOUR FREESTYLE OBAMA FAN FICTION

KARKAT: DON’T YOU ALREADY HAVE A BASIS FOR KNOWING HOW HIS PRESIDENCY WOULD HAVE GONE?

KARKAT: I MEAN, WASN’T HE PRESIDENT IN THE TIME LINE JANE GREW UP IN TOO?

DAVE: oh

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: i mean yeah of course i know that

DAVE: i just dont like to think much about that time line

DAVE: it doesnt really feel like its

DAVE: canon?

KARKAT: DIDN’T SOME CLOWNS TAKE OVER THE WORLD OR SOMETHING?

DAVE: i dont wanna talk about it

DAVE: the point is

DAVE: in the world that mattered more, i mean like

DAVE: the one i belonged to that i used to imagine had a real future

DAVE: that didnt involve meteors or a fish dictator or the american political landscape turning into a nightmarish daily joke

DAVE: i still wonder what could have been

DAVE: if the O man coulda saved us all

DAVE: but instead he died probably

DAVE: or maybe not... maybe there was like an escape hatch in the white house that led to his own secret presidential session of sburb

DAVE: what if hes just chillin there now

KARKAT: DAVE, I THINK WE’VE COVERED YOUR “OBAMA’S SECRET SESSION OF SBURB” THEORY WELL ENOUGH ALREADY.

DAVE: i know i know

DAVE: im just saying is all

KARKAT: IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DREAM! I FUCKING GET IT.

DAVE: but yeah its more likely he just died

DAVE: but maybe it doesnt have to be in vain

DAVE: what if he died for our sins or something

KARKAT: HMM! SOUNDS FUCKING MEANINGLESS.

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: but i mean what if like

DAVE: he could be reborn

KARKAT: YES, WE’VE BEEN OVER YOUR OBAMA GOD TIER HEADCANONS TOO.

DAVE: no like

DAVE: reborn as you

DAVE: metaphorically

DAVE: you could be the great president he never got the chance to be

DAVE: you could give the people hope and shit

DAVE: you could inspire trolls everywhere

DAVE: or really all nonhuman kingdoms

DAVE: show them anybody could be a president

DAVE: not just an endless parade of rich humans who think they all know whats best for everybody

KARKAT: DAVE, I’M PRETTY SURE ANYONE *COULD* BE PRESIDENT?

KARKAT: IT’S ALWAYS SEEMED TO ME THAT HUMANS JUST SEEM TO BE MORE NATURALLY AMBITIOUS, AND THAT’S WHY THE POWER STRUCTURES TOOK THE SHAPE THEY DID THE LAST FEW MILLENNIA.

KARKAT: I MEAN, I DON’T CLAIM TO BE AN EXPERT ON XENOPSYCHOLOGY, BUT FOR SOME REASON I STRUGGLE TO IMAGINE A FUCKING SALAMANDER GETTING THE GUMPTION TO THROW HIS CRUMPLED HAT INTO THE RING FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF EARTH.

KARKAT: OR THE CARAPACIANS FOR THAT MATTER?

KARKAT: THESE ARE NOT AMBITIOUS CREATURES WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HERE, DAVE.

KARKAT: THEY’RE A HUGE FLOCK OF WOOLBEASTS, DAVE.

DAVE: karkat dont stereotype

DAVE: remember the mayor

DAVE: remember how at one point a long time ago he raised an army and rebelled against an evil king

KARKAT: OH YEAH

KARKAT: SOMEHOW I ALWAYS FORGET HE DID THAT.

KARKAT: KIND OF MIND BOGGLING, REALLY.

KARKAT: HOLY SHIT, I MISS THE MAYOR.

DAVE: me too

DAVE: i think he would be totally in favor of my idea btw

DAVE: he loved democracy

KARKAT: NO SHIT, HE WAS A FUCKING MAYOR.

DAVE: i mean forget all the lizards and chess guys for a second

DAVE: just imagine the good you could do for the troll kingdom

DAVE: you would do a much better job of speaking to the injustices trolls face than jane would

KARKAT: WHAT INJUSTICES

DAVE: dude please

DAVE: where to even begin

DAVE: i know earth c has generally been a pretty chill place to live but theres been some shit going on that is legit creepy

DAVE: all this “population regulation” bullshit thats been going on since we basically set up civilization and peaced out to the future

DAVE: when you think about its long term consequences its been fuckin weird

DAVE: like the government being responsible for troll reproduction through cloning

DAVE: a government that just happens to be predominantly human most of the time?

DAVE: like it makes sense on paper at first, no mother grub, gotta keep the race going and expand the population for a good while and get the numbers up

DAVE: until kanaya gets here and hatches the grub and then i guess a system of “natural reproduction” can take over in theory but

DAVE: after so many centuries of that shit doesnt the weird political imbalance like

DAVE: get entrenched??

DAVE: and once rose and kanaya crank out a few more broods in the caverns i guess were supposed to think its all fixed right

DAVE: back to Trolls As Usual or something

DAVE: but do you really think the human kingdom is going to just sit back and let the troll race proliferate wildly all over earth

DAVE: turn it into another alternian empire

DAVE: folks know the history

DAVE: they know about the condesce and all the violence and the hemospectrum and shit

DAVE: theyre scared to death of the possibility that trolls could run wild all over the planet

KARKAT: DAVE, I KNOW ALL THIS.

KARKAT: IN FACT, *YOU* KNOW ALL OF THIS BECAUSE YOU’VE HEARD ME SAY IT TO KANAYA A THOUSAND TIMES.

KARKAT: ACTUALLY, IN AN EFFORT TO NOT GO FUCKING INSANE, I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE!

DAVE: well maybe its time to start thinking about it again

DAVE: bro did u know, sitting on the sidelines in the face of oppression is tantamount to siding with the oppressors

KARKAT: UHNGH.

DAVE: you think a crocker administration is really going to go through with plans to deregulate troll breeding?

DAVE: she knows exactly what her base wants

DAVE: i can already see the dog whistles in this press release she isnt gonna do shit

DAVE: and really man

DAVE: if nothing else and i truly mean NOTHING

DAVE: please

DAVE: for the love of christ

DAVE: think of the economy

KARKAT: ARRRGH!!!!

DAVE: jane has this reputation for being awesome at business but imo she actually just sucks

DAVE: she doesnt seem to be even remotely aware how much shes leveraged her status as a god to become a bigshot trillionaire

DAVE: i think she thinks its all pure business acumen but i think she doesnt really know what shes doing

DAVE: fuckers left and right just be tripping all day long to give her money hand over fist

DAVE: of course shes gonna milk her biz cred for all its worth in this election

DAVE: shes probably a much better politician than a businesswoman actually she is like

DAVE: sinister as fuck? i mean

DAVE: she hides it well dont get me wrong

DAVE: also she isnt too hard on the eyes which wont hurt her chances one bit

DAVE: but shes going to be BRUTAL on their pocketbooks just you wait

KARKAT: I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS.

DAVE: she doesnt know the nuances of sound comprehensive fiscal policy like i do

DAVE: my skills are fucking legendary

DAVE: i manipulated the stock market to assume control of the literal majority of all currency on the planet once

DAVE: granted the economy was run by lobotomized reptiles but still

DAVE: wait that was speciesist sorry

DAVE: the point stands though i know what im doing

DAVE: what do you think is going to happen when jane takes over and the economy crashes

KARKAT: I...

KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW???

DAVE: its going to be pandemonium

KARKAT: WILL IT ACTUALLY BE THOUGH?!

DAVE: well

DAVE: i dunno

DAVE: ok if shit goes sideways i guess we arent gonna see like raggedy turtles and pauper chess men standing in bread lines or anything

DAVE: thats just the nature of alchemy-based post-scarcity economies the depressions tend to be pretty mild

DAVE: but it will still be bad

DAVE: a healthy economy is fuckin IMPORTANT

DAVE: if for no other reason than it protects the societal context for what it means to be fucking rich, like us

KARKAT: JUST A THOUGHT. LET’S COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT CAMPAIGN SLOGAN THAN THAT, OK?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: but the point is just

DAVE: i guess

DAVE: she sucks and shouldnt be president the end

DAVE: you dont even have to think about economic shit i can do that for you

DAVE: ill be like the treasury secretary or something

DAVE: just please tell me youll do this

DAVE: do it for the trolls do it for the economy do it for the mayor

DAVE: but most of all

DAVE: (sniff)

DAVE: do it for obama

KARKAT: GOD DAMN IT DAVE.

KARKAT: I DON’T REALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT POLITICS, OR BEING A LEADER ANYMORE, AND I THINK YOU KNOW THAT.

KARKAT: I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE ECONOMY, AND WHILE I’M SURE THIS OBAMA FELLOW WAS A HELL OF A GUY, I COULDN’T GIVE LESS A FUCK ABOUT HIM EITHER.

KARKAT: BUT...

KARKAT: I DO CARE ABOUT YOU.

KARKAT: SO

KARKAT: I’LL DO IT.

KARKAT: WHY NOT.

DAVE: nice!

DAVE: aw yeah

DAVE: you wont regret it this is gonna be dope

DAVE: i think we have a great shot too

DAVE: with my political savvy and economic genius and outrageous flair for subversive anti establishment messaging and propaganda, and your big loud fucking mouth...

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK

DAVE: um i guess also your charisma and likability and shit

KARKAT: YEAH.

KARKAT: YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT...

KARKAT: I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN FAKE THOSE THINGS WELL ENOUGH.

DAVE: oh also

DAVE: your weirdly sincere humility

KARKAT: I PREFER THE TERM “SELF LOATHING” ACTUALLY.

DAVE: ok lets try to avoid that phrase on the campaign trail too

KARKAT: THIS ALREADY SOUNDS LIKE A PAIN IN THE ASS.

KARKAT: CAN’T I JUST

KARKAT: READ A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT YOU WRITE FOR ME OFF A TELEPROMPTER?

DAVE: yeah there will definitely be plenty of that

DAVE: but you also need to be natural and speak from the heart and shit

DAVE: just like

DAVE: talk to your people

DAVE: about stuff they care about

KARKAT: “MY PEOPLE”?

KARKAT: YOU MEAN TROLLS??

DAVE: oh

DAVE: yeah i guess that sounded bad sorry

DAVE: but yeah exactly

DAVE: trolls

DAVE: thats gonna be your base so you gotta rile em up

DAVE: inspire them

DAVE: i dont think you need any fancy speeches to do that youll be a natural

KARKAT: IF YOU SAY SO.

KARKAT: SO WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY... DO?

KARKAT: I MEAN, NEXT?

DAVE: time to talk some strategy

DAVE: we need to rally as much high profile support to our cause as we can

DAVE: but there are some uh

DAVE: “lines of loyalty” to figure out

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: i mean which of our friends are going to side with us and which ones will side with jane

DAVE: pretty much all of us are famous and popular all over earth to some degree

DAVE: some of us more so with certain kingdoms than others

DAVE: so some key endorsements going either way could swing the whole election

KARKAT: OH, GREAT

KARKAT: SO IT ALL COMES DOWN TO HOW MANY FAMOUS HUMANS LIKE ME BETTER THAN JANE?

KARKAT: WE’RE FUCKED.

DAVE: well no not so fast

DAVE: lets think it through

DAVE: youll have overwhelming support in the troll kingdom and so does kanaya

DAVE: shes pretty much a lock to be on your side

DAVE: dirk unfortunately is just as much a lock for jane im gonna guess

DAVE: but after that its kind of a free for all

DAVE: roxy and calliope will probably be neutral

DAVE: they have a lot of pull with the carapacians though so that would be a nice score to sway them

DAVE: rose will probably claim neutrality at first but im betting she can be cajoled by her wife to our side

DAVE: and once we get rose converting roxy probably wont be too hard

DAVE: as for jade...

KARKAT: ...

DAVE: uh

DAVE: i think its fair to say shes going to be on our side

KARKAT: YEAH

DAVE: maybe a little too much so

KARKAT: UM, YEAH

KARKAT: I WASN’T GOING TO BE THE ONE TO SAY IT, BUT YEAH, I GET WHAT YOU MEAN.

DAVE: of course we want her help and her endorsement will go a long way but

DAVE: i think we gotta sort out like

DAVE: a hierarchical approach to campaign strategy

DAVE: keep it organized and disciplined with roles well defined

DAVE: not let things get too murky with uh

DAVE: personal shit?

KARKAT: I THINK WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE, DAVE.

DAVE: ok cool

DAVE: anyway lets come back to the jade issue later

DAVE: uh lets see who else

KARKAT: EGBERT?

DAVE: right

DAVE: john should be easy to convince but im not sure how much of a factor hell be in this campaign

DAVE: have no idea how long hell be away on this “mission” rose mentioned

KARKAT: WHAT? WHAT MISSION?

DAVE: dunno shes been hella cagey about it

DAVE: swore me to secrecy until the right time whenever that is

DAVE: anyway his endorsement would go a long way in swinging the consort kingdom

KARKAT: THAT WOULD BE HUGE.

KARKAT: AREN’T THERE LIKE

KARKAT: 100 BILLION OF THOSE FUCKERS?

KARKAT: SECURING THAT VOTING BLOCK SHOULD BE ABLE TO WIN THE WHOLE THING FOR US.

DAVE: well no the population isnt THAT big but yes its by far the most populous kingdom

DAVE: swinging them our way should help a lot but it wont be enough to decide the whole thing

DAVE: consorts overwhelm the other kingdoms in sheer numbers but due to unscrupulous gerrymandering, all kinds of fucked up voter suppression policies and some electoral “counterbalancing” measures to account for their ridiculous population growth rate their voting power per capita is kind of pathetic

DAVE: also its hard to drive turnout

DAVE: this may come as a shock but legions of easily distracted low information amphibians primarily concerned with eating bugs and farming god damned mushrooms arent the most politically motivated demographic

DAVE: so to get them out to the polls well need to get them REALLY excited

KARKAT: OK.

KARKAT: I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO TRUST YOUR EXPERTISE ON THAT, SINCE I DON’T KNOW THE FIRST FUCKING THING ABOUT HOW TO INSPIRE AN UNINTELLIGENT LIZARD.

DAVE: yeah well

DAVE: i dont either

DAVE: but that brings us to jake

KARKAT: OH, FUCK.

DAVE: no this is important

DAVE: jake is a huge wild card here

DAVE: im sure his endorsement would be completely up for grabs

DAVE: he could go any way including just getting turned off by the whole thing and staying “apolitical”

DAVE: so we have to be careful about how we approach him

DAVE: jake is the only one of us whos wildly popular in all four kingdoms

KARKAT: WELL, I CAN’T ARGUE WITH THAT.

DAVE: yeah so an endorsement from him would be huge

DAVE: seriously just running one ad of him doing his double pistol winking bullshit with a thing under it saying “VOTE KARKAT” might be enough to win the whole election

DAVE: just have to get the fickle bastard to agree to that which could be tricky

DAVE: and honestly id be shocked if jane hasnt already started courting his vote

DAVE: theres no way she doesnt understand the political stakes

KARKAT: SO...

KARKAT: IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE JAKESTAKES THEN.

DAVE: pretty much

DAVE: the jakestakes 2.0

KARKAT: WHAT

KARKAT: THERE WAS A 1.0?

KARKAT: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?

DAVE: oh thats like

DAVE: a whole story

KARKAT: IS THIS GOING TO BE ANOTHER ANECDOTE ABOUT THE JAKE SQUAD I WON’T CARE ABOUT AND DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR?

DAVE: that sounds like the exact kind of opinion youd have about it so yeah

KARKAT: THEN I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ABOUT IT.

DAVE: ok

DAVE: hmm

DAVE: shit hold up

KARKAT: WHAT?

DAVE: dirks calling me

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE WANT?

DAVE: idk he just calls me out of the blue from time to time to talk shit

DAVE: usually about nothing whatsoever

DAVE: hell probably joke about how he needs me to cut off his head

KARKAT: HUH???

DAVE: its a running gag hes been running into the ground for years

DAVE: motherfucker is dedicated to his memes ill give him that

KARKAT: YOU SAID HE’S GOING TO BE A CROCKER LOYALIST RIGHT?

DAVE: oh absolutely

DAVE: no doubt about it

KARKAT: YOU DON’T THINK HE’S TRYING TO DO SOME...

KARKAT: RECONNAISSANCE WORK HERE?

KARKAT: LIKE, INTEL GATHERING?

DAVE: he doesnt even know youre entering the race yet

DAVE: no one does

KARKAT: OK. GOOD.

KARKAT: I GUESS YOU’D BETTER ANSWER THEN.

DAVE: ok well i missed the call while we were bullshitting about it

DAVE: but yeah ill just call him back now

DAVE: sup

DIRK: Hey dude.

DIRK: Got your sword handy?

DAVE: always

DIRK: Good. See, I’m in sort a bind here.

DIRK: And I’m afraid there’s only one way out.

KARKAT: OK, I’M FUCKING LEAVING.

[insiderage]

i. im not sleeping well again and i think i would speed in the rain if we weren't in a drought right now. 

ii. and i think i may want to die just a little more than is socially acceptable. and sometimes i think all the jokes i make are less jokes and more half promises. 

iii. the curve of your eye and the soft of your jaw makes you the most beautiful thing ive ever seen. and i know you think youre ugly but i think the same of myself so i understand.

vi. and it hurts just a little more than it should when i realize it doesnt matter how much love i throw at you, you're still not making eye contact in the mirror.

v. but then im buffering when you call me pretty because we both know i would never believe you. and i dont know why you lie straight to my face like that. especially when youve seen the scars on my shoulders and on bruises on my hips.

vi. and its just that the longer i spend in my bedroom the longer life lingers past my ribs and into whatever mess is mangled below that. 

vii. and i think self love might be a tightrope and i think you might have been the net under me. 

viii. and i really wish i didn't want to kill myself just a little more than usual, because i already hit my max and im not doing it again.

ix. this might just be a list of everything that's wrong with me, or maybe a list of all the reasons you wont love me. 

x. and one last thing— you were gone before i even started writing poetry about you. and i want you to remember what i said before you slammed the door in my face. 

xi. my back door is unlocked for you, if you ever decide to come back. there are cookies in the oven and tea on the stove.

[bratzs12345]

Snippet from upcoming fic

“I always forget how beautiful your eyes are,”

“Huh?” Levi over at Zeke staring at him underneath the stars. After he got off work, the older Yeager picked him up and took him to the docks near the sea. This was their spot and had been since they began dating the second semester of Levi’s freshman year.

It was a beautiful spot that not many students or residents frequented due to the hilly and messy terrain, but in Levi’s opinion, that just made it so much better.

“It’s only when I take you underneath the stars do I understand how bright your eyes glow. Your gaze can’t be compared / the way your eyes hang low-“

“Save it, moron,” Levi interrupted. “You’ve been sending me those tired lines all day. How long are you going to keep chasing me?”

Zeke either didn’t hear his question or chose to ignore it. “Spent the last two nights working on that one. What do you think?”

“I wouldn’t quit dealing yet,” Levi joked with a smirk. “I’ve heard better at a middle school poetry slam,”

Zeke grasped his chest and dramatically gasped for breath, “Right in the heart, Levi!”

Levi punched him in the arm. His cheeks heated up as the older man chucked himself. Zeke’s warm smile always sent chills down Levi’s spine. He fought off a smile and the warm feeling in his chest.

“We need to talk about Mikasa,” he said bluntly.

“You always were straight to the point, " Zeke said amused. “You used to be the best negotiator in the Scouts.”

“Used to be,”

The older man scratched his beard as if contemplating what to say next. “You know, Levi, sometimes, life takes you in a direction away from those you love.”

“I wish I could get away from you,” Levi said with a scowl.

Zeke let out a chuckle, “You are hilarious, baby.”

“Don’t call me that,” he said annoyed. “And what do you mean by that? You gonna kill me?” Levi half-joked with the older man.

Zeke rolled his eyes, “That’s my frowny bear! Always being ready for the next homicide,” Zeke chuckled and ruffled the hair on the shorter man’s head. “Believe it or not, not everyone always wants to kill you,”

“It is hard to believe that coming from you,” Levi raised his left brow. “Seeing as you did, try multiple times,”

Zeke wrapped his arms around Levi and buried his face in his neck, “And you’ve never tried?

“I wish I had succeeded. You and your brother are pests I should have done away with a long time ago,” Levi shot back while pushing the older man off of him. However, instead of letting go, Zeke tightened his grip. Levi felt the air being pushed out of his lungs and the other’s right grip.

He grabbed the back of Levi’s head and pushed his lips onto his own. Their lips pressed together messily. Their teeth dragged against each other, and their lips moved against each other clumsily. After a while, Levi loosened up in his grip but he didn’t completely relax.

Zeke noticed the other’s struggle and stepped back. Levi took the opportunity and punched him in the chest. His attack made the other stumble back even further before regaining his balance. He took a deep breath and then looked up at Levi. He chuckled in embarrassment, cheeks heating up.

“I’m sorry, Levi. I had to kiss you once before I left,”

Levi looked at him confused, “What do you mean?”

“The Scouts are expanding,” Zeke sighed as he explained, “Dad wants me to come up north and help settle a few territorial disputes.”

He felt like he already knew the answer, but Levi still had to ask, “How far?”

“A couple miles, give or take,”

“Zeke.”

Zekes grimaced at Levi’s tone. He knew that tone. I’m sorry. It’s only for a couple years,

“A couple years?” Levi said incredulously. “Why’d you even kiss me?”

Zeke stayed silent.

“I mean, what part of this…of us is panning out the way we thought it would. What now, am I supposed to wait around for a couple of years while you are hundreds of miles away doing god knows wh-“

“I know. I know. This isn’t ideal. But, Levi, I promise you are the only one. When I first laid my eyes on you, I knew you were going to be the one I was gonna marry. That’s not gonna change now or when I come back,” Zeke reassured.

Levi scoffed and shook Zeke’s arms off his waist. “God, I should have known. Everything was too good to be true,”

“Levi!”

“You are a liar, Zeke. There’s no way you meant any of that,”

“I love you!” Zeke exclaimed. He took Levi’s face in his hands and wiped the lone tear already gathering in his eyes. “I love you. I love you. I love you so much. My heart bends to your will as docile as a pet. Make me yours, and my body is as good as kept,”

Levi rolled his eyes and pushed Zeke away again,

“Zeke. I’m done,” He walked away from the edge of the dock. He faced the ground determined not to let the other male see the tears run down his face.

He meant it. Levi was done. He had made a promise to himself never to get involved with any of the Yeagers, again.

Little did he know, below the docks, a pair of ears was following the entire conversation.

[allsassnoclass]

me whenever anyone starts being mean to ashton about being pretentious just because he’s vibing and expressing himself in the way that he wants and makes most sense to him:

[pixelwisp]

It ended - just like it began - in the library.

Ended with you, looking as radiant as the day he met you; hair tied up, away from your face ( far neater now than the haphazard bun you had that Saturday morning four years ago), the sun filtered through the arched windows, hugging the apples of your cheeks, surrounding you in the same golden halo that always made him feel like you couldn’t possible be real. Kuroo felt his heart clench at the wobbly smile you gave him, and he made no effort to move away from you when you took his trembling hands into your own.

“So,” you said.

“So,” he echoed.

“This is it,” you whispered, finally, and he wished you saying it out loud made him feel better, but the painful ache in his chest assured him that it did not, in fact, help him feel better at all. He rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand and nodded as a small, wavering hum fell past his lips.

Kuroo’s thoughts wandered back to the library, four years ago today. He trudged in at 7:32am, a frown as deep as the coffee in his hand marring his usually handsome features. He gave a haphazard toss of his bag onto the table as he groused over the ungodly hour, because it was just too fucking early for him to even be conscious, let alone at the local library (and on a Saturday, no less). He had signed up for tutoring sessions; because while he excelled in the majority of his classes, he was - unfortunately - downright foul at poetry; and his professor told him if he wanted any chance at saving his perfect GPA, he’d better make use of the free tutoring services the university offered. So here he was, at 7:30am on a Saturday morning, looking as haggard as any chemistry major would, absentmindedly flicking through his copy of Poems, Poets, Poetry: An Introduction and Anthology as he anticipated your arrival.

It was 7:43am when you burst through the doors to the library, the books in your arms piled so high it threatened to topple over if you so much as looked at it wrong. He couldn’t see your face over the leaning tower of textbooks, but he heard you huff and curse under your breath as the doors slammed shut behind you, attracting the unwanted attention of the current library attendees, which had grown since kuroo’s arrival and now stood at a whopping five people. He bit back a laugh and made his way over to you, offering a helping hand while you nearly buckled under the weight. You let him take a generous amount of the books out of your hands, soft gratitude tumbling from your lips as you huffed in relief. Kuroo was in the middle of saying “no problem” when the words died in his throat at the sight of you.

Kuroo was never one to believe in love at first sight, but seeing you for the first time - bright eyes, unkempt bun, and adorable smile - made him understand just what Lev was talking about all the freakin’ time.

You exchanged names, eventually numbers, and he was (probably) the worst student you ever had, because he did nothing but flirt with you the entire time; making bad science jokes, mimicking Shakespeare, crafting various little origami animals and sneaking them into your bag while you tried to explain whatever the hell iambic pentameter was (Kuroo still doesn’t know).

It was a miracle you ever liked him back, let alone dealt with him this long.

Kuroo had been smitten with you since day one. He cherished every time he made you smile, every time he made you laugh, even the moments where he made you cry (’lessons’, he thought, ‘so I can do better next time’). He stood by you through every rough patch, every celebration, every new opportunity. You were with him, too - celebrated with him when he finally got that teaching position at Nekoma, took care of him whenever he got a little too drunk with Bokuto, even grieved with him, during the passing of his grandfather. The two of you still make an effort to visit him with his grandmother. He hopes you know how thankful he is for that.

“Tetsu?” Your soft voice lulls him back to the present day. He clears his throat and shoots you a comforting smile.

“Sorry, I’m here. Was just thinking.”

“About?”

“You,” he admits. “Us.”

Your fingers feel smooth against his. He continues to map out every line, wrinkle, and callous; committing each piece of you to memory. “I’m just gonna miss it, is all.”

You snort - very unladylike, but very much you - and squeeze his hands. “Jesus, Tetsu, you’re acting like we’re breaking up.”

He laughs, his thumb running over the glittering diamond that sat on your ring finger. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant I’ll miss courting you.”

“Courting me? Is it the 1800′s?” Heat creeps up his face as he laughs along to your giggles, the sound music to his ears. Your smile brightens the room, far more than the cathedral ceilings and stained glass windows ever could.

God, he was so goddamn lucky.

You let your giggles falter as you adjust his tie, nodding in satisfaction once it was situated before bringing your hands to cup his face. He leans down, hoping to capture your lips with his one last time as his fiancé, but you press a finger to his lips and back away.

“Hey! No kissing. We already cheated by doing a first look. People are gonna start getting antsy, so you go on. I’ll meet you down there, okay?” You press a chaste kiss to his cheek before turning away, but he reaches out for your wrist and spins you back around.

“I love you. So, so much. You know that?” You smile.

“Promise?” He smiles then, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead.

“Promise.” You hum and take a step back, and it was only just then that Kuroo took notice of your dress. He could feel the tears prick behind his eyes as he sends one last wobbly smile your way.

You looked like a dream come true.

The music starts, and both of your faces fall into a panic as you push him toward the door to the main room, where all your friends were waiting with baited breath. He adjusts his tux one last time, and opens the door, before hearing a hushed ‘Hey!’ from the hallway, beckoning him to look back at you one last time.

You grin, grabbing a hold of your bouquet with one hand as you cup your mouth with the other, and whisper just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you too.”

if you feel like you’ve read this before its because you have lmao I didn’t really like it when I posted it the first time on my old blog so here is an edited version that I don’t hate anymore, enjoy

also it’s nowhere near her birthday anymore but happy birthday @larkspyrr​ I made it better just for you and totally not for me 

reblogs appreciated

[hqrbinger]

cottage roads.

summary; falling in love with the samurai hired to protect you while you planned your wedding wasn't on your to do list. pairing; private samurai!kazuha x royal!gn!reader warnings; light angst, fluffy ending (crazy i know), no beta we die like my second monitor that gave me a heart attack bc i thought my draft wasn't gonna save notes; I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UPPPPP oh my god this is one of my favorite AU's for kazuha EVER. the knight running away with the betrothed royalty because they fell in love ??? *slams credit card on the table* anyway this takes place in just a feudal japan type setting just for reference.

song; cottage roads- the walters

The late afternoon sun peeked through the broad leaves of the maple tree you sat beneath, admiring the small pond in front of you through a half-lidded stare. Your fingertips dragged slowly through familiar soft, white locks, brushing runaway strands out of the samurai’s face as he rested peacefully on your lap, soaking in the remnants of the day with a gentle smile gracing his lips.

You leaned back a little more, letting your head hit the rough bark of the tree trunk, allowing you to look up at the sky. The sun still had ways to go before it set, but the time still felt short.

Moments like these with Kazuha seemed rarer than finding a glaze lily blooming under the rays of the sun. You knew the second the moon peeked over the horizon you would have to get up, Kazuha would walk you back to your quarters, and you would have to go back to pretending you were excited to get married to the neighboring clan’s heir.

The past couple of months had been a whirlwind for you, beginning with the announcement of your betrothal, leading to your near-assassination, and closing with your father hiring a samurai to keep watch of you to make sure the wedding planning went without another hitch. You never thought you would be sitting with that very man now, doing something you would surely be punished greatly for, Kazuha facing even greater consequences than you. Yet, here you laid, the swordsman hired to keep you safe while planning your wedding to someone else resting not-so-professionally on your lap.

You hadn’t intended on falling for the calm, nature-loving Kaedehara Kazuha, but then again, was that even an excuse at this point? While you could sit there all day and swear up and down that you only cared for him in the way an employer cares for their employees, which was the professional relationship you were meant to have, it would never be the truth. It had taken you a few days to get used to having an extra shadow following you around. He was silent and respectful, never speaking unless you spoke to him first and even then he said but a few words. It was safe to say that you had been curious about him in general; where he was from, his background, the thrilling stories a wandering samurai must have.

Breaking the ice was somewhat easy, after nearly scaring the soul out of him one night when you found him sitting just outside the screens leading from your room to the estate gardens. He confessed that he enjoyed writing poetry when you asked what he was doing, and the next thing you knew you were writing poetry together, testing each other’s speed of writing the perfect haiku, laughing and joking until the sun rose hours later. The both of you went about the day’s tasks with a hundred yawns and bags beneath your eyes, but the knowing glances and stifled giggles had made you both inseparable in a new way.

Falling in love didn’t take too long after that. His gentle touch, the mischief in his ruby gaze, the saccharine of his voice; his constant presence began giving you butterflies aside from just comfort. It was unspoken, but you felt like your feelings were reciprocated. He was always careful to keep his outward emotions hidden, but you were always able to find out what he was feeling from his eyes. His gaze had always followed you from the first day he followed you around, but day after day, it began to feel different. His eyes became kinder, warmer, looking into yours with enough emotion to make your heart skip a beat. You especially felt a shift every time you met with your betrothed, his agate stare becoming cold and sharp as it looked upon your suitor.

As much as you wanted him to verbally confirm what you were assuming, it was better that you remained ignorant. You knew that soon you would be residing in a different house, laying beside a different person, living a different life. Kazuha was temporary.

“You stopped,” his mellow rasp pulled you out of your thoughts, bringing your blurred gaze back to the darkening gardens in front of you. Despite feeling it, you didn’t meet his gaze, instead resuming your soothing strokes and continuing to stare into the slightly rippling water.

“Something on your mind?”

Your hands stilled again.

“What are we, Kazuha?” you whispered, the back of your throat burning as you asked the very question you had been fighting moments prior.

The white-haired man was silent for several moments, the only sound being the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze.

When he spoke, he was quieter than usual. “I’m not certain.”

You swallowed thickly, finally lowering your clouding gaze to meet that of the samurai’s. “I’m scared.”

“Of what?” he raised a hand to your cheek, the cotton bandages wiping away any stray tears.

“I’m afraid of what I’m feeling,” your voice is barely a whisper. “I’m afraid that as the day grows closer, I don’t want to marry anyone but you.”

A look of utter shock passes over Kazuha’s frozen features as he stared at you before sitting up with a start, his face only a breath away. His crimson irises bore into yours, and with your slightest nod of consent, he closed the gap.

Your lips chased his as he pulled away but he didn't dip back down, instead clasping your hands with his cold ones.

“Run away with me.”

“What?” you looked up at him in disbelief.

“Run away with me,” he repeated, his expression serious. “We can stow away on a ship to one of the neighboring countries, or anywhere in the world.”

Your head began to feel heavy as anxiety swirled through your limbs. “A whole new country? I don’t know Kazuha… what about my father? The estate?”

“I’m not going to pressure you,” his hands rubbed your arms soothingly, running up your shoulders to cup your cheeks. “If you want to stay, I will continue to serve you in the way I was meant.”

He pressed another, longer, kiss to your forehead, pulling you into a hug. “However, say the word and I’ll get everything ready.”

He held you like that for archons knew how long as you wept silently, clinging onto his patterned sleeve while you took in everything that he was offering.

After several moments, you sat up, pressing your mouth to his a second time. Except, this kiss no longer felt wrong. This was where you knew you were meant to be; fingers tangled in silky white strands, his hands splayed on your hips.

You drew back, heaving a breath. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

He smiled his sweet smile, leaning forward to press a small kiss to your neck.

“You are the first breath of spring after a harsh winter,” he murmured. “My love, I would follow you everywhere.”

You smiled, pulling his head up to meet your gaze again.

“And I, you.”

[nyxoholicwrites]

Random headcanons I have about Bloomic characters part 1 ( Peepaws)

we are listing the peepaws first, aka Quest and Salocin, bc God told me to, he said so himself /j

THESE PROB DON'T MAKE SENSE

I am very bored and this is for fun hope yall enjoy it!

Salocin

I know for a fact Salocin is that grandparent that finds funny videos from facebook and sends it to you,

yk those cat videos that have like a voiceover with the most absurd voice, yea that

he knows the joke (truth) that parents take the money kids are given and to combat this system he says " shhh don't tell ( insert parent name), this is our top secret, agent ( insert kid name)"

I imagine it looks like a drug trade from a stranger's perspective

I headcanon him as a fun grandpa who indulges in his grandchildren's imaginations and games, he also sneaks candies bc YES

(more below)

when his kids brought their partners home he prepared an album with the most embarrassing photos, like those photos when a baby makes a mess

think plastered in baby food type of mess, yes he does this purposefully but all in good fun

my personal fav scenario is him going out to a club with the rest of the server, he is that one tiktok where the dad goes clubbing

his " back in my day..." are fun things he did while traveling, dumb adventures and funny mishaps, its never those lectures, yk which ones...

It was canonically confirmed he had game, so I imagine he was either like a charismatic kid everyone liked and swooned over or he was like a greaser who turned into a wholesome peepaw

( he is so wholesome I stan, Salocin for president)

Quest

Young Quest gives me the same vibes Johnny from Dirty Dancing does but minus the dancing

he probably saw the movie and secretly wished he could dance that well, omg mc and quest try to replicate the cry to me scene and just laughing at their mistakes but enjoying nonetheless

I wheeze at quests lack of knowledge at what a discord kitten is, he gives me the vibe that if he were gen z he would either be the kid that is so behind on memes or is just genuinely confused

probably both... tho he would try to learn bc of his friends, I can visualize xyx and toasty making a slideshow showing all the memes from these two decades, blooming school is back in session

He would just sit there, take notes and nod, he would def raise his hand bc some memes genuinely confusing but those two refuse to elaborate

Quest is canonically a smooth mf even though he would probably deny it. he was probably more flirty in his past, tho he was always polite towards whoever he was pursuing

he gives me the same vibe that one meme of a giant teddy bear with a tiny head

He has most likely debated doing slam poetry at one point in his life, but he is too shy to share his thoughts, especially since it's like an outlet for his feelings so it would be too personal to share

he acts like a dad even if he doesn't become one, standing in front of the tv, having a dog be his best friend, a grill master, you name it

he would probably get a tattoo with mc, or something to commemorate them

I AM BRAINROTTING ABOUT QUEST HAVING A TATTOO SLEEVE FULL OF FLOWERS TO HONOUR MC BC OF BLOOMIC

AN: Thank you for reading this far, I promise I am alive, the well part is debatable, but I digress, I am most likely gonna upload a fic tmrw!

Have a wonderful day my lovelies!

[randomshyperson]

WANDA X READER - 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU - Final

Gif is not mine.

Summary:  Pietro Maximoff is handsome and popular, but he can’t date before his twin sister. The problem is that no one can get close to his sister, Wanda Maximoff. To resolve the situation, a girl interested in Pietro bribes a colleague with a mysterious past to go out with Wanda and, who knows, try to win her over. Or The one directly inspired by 10 Things I Hate About You.

Words:  11,620K (Complete)  /// Read on AO3 too || Part I

Warnings: PG, fluff, language.

She doesn't answer your messages during the weekend. So you don't press her. But then you are on the field, in physical education period, and she is practicing.

You sit on the bleachers, trying to focus on the math homework you needed to finish, when Monica joins you on the bench.

- Hey, girl. - She says hello as she sits down. And noticing your gaze shifting from the notebook to Wanda, she comments. - What happened between you two?

You sighed angrily.

- I did the right thing. - You comment with irony, but seeing Monica's frown in confusion, you add. - She wanted to kiss me after the party. I refused because she was drunk.

- But the plan was working! - said Monica.

- So what, you called the whole thing off.

Monica giggled, and raised her eyebrows slightly.

- Yeah, I know, but it was...it was before what happened. - She said, and you looked at her with confusion. - Pietro kissed me.

You blink and then laugh, shaking your head. And then Bruce comes to join you two.

- I just talked to Wanda. - He says. - Look, she said she hates you with the intensity of a thousand suns.

You let out a dry laugh, running your fingers through your hair.

- Thank you Bruce, that's very comforting to hear. - You tell him wryly, and he nods uncomfortably.

- Maybe she needs a day to calm down. - Monica says, and the three of you look toward the field, where Wanda was training veritably.

- Maybe two days. - You comment as you watch her knock a girl down.

//-//

You managed to fix most of your motorcycle. And then you found out that your mother punctured the tires, and you stormed angrily into her room.

- Have you completely lost your mind? - You shouted, and she just took off her glasses and crossed her legs while looking at you. - You slashed the tires on my motorcycle?

- I told you that you were grounded.

- That's ridiculous! - you say. - You don't have the slightest respect for my things.

- Don't talk to me that way. - She warned, and you let out a wry laugh.

- Be damn sure that when my bike is up and running, I'm out of here!

You shout before leaving the room, slamming the door.

You were coming out of geography class when Pepper Potts came to talk to you again.

She pulled you into a far corner behind the closet, and held out a hundred dollars to you.

- Take her to prom. - She said. - It's all here, limousine, clothes.

She pushed the money in your hands, but you pushed it back.

- I'm done with this game, Potts. - You retorted, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

You started to turn to leave, but Potts stepped in front of you.

- Hey, hey, wait. - She asked, and then pulled three more bills from her purse. - Three hundred dollars, okay? Come on, it's just a date.

You swallowed dryly as you accepted, trying to push to the back of your mind how wrong it was. And Potts smiled mischievously, then left.

//-//

You went back to the same record store in front of the laundry room where you found Wanda that other day. And you tried not to be so nervous.

Looking around, you found her walking around the shelves, and she was admiring a guitar. You put your hands in your pockets as you watched her put on the headphones and try the instrument, sitting down on one of the stools in the store.

You moved closer, and could see her reflection in the mirror a few feet away, but Wanda didn't see you, as her eyes were closed while her fingers danced on the guitar strings.

You smiled at the image, she looked so peaceful and comfortable. You couldn't disturb her. So you just left the store.

//-//

You saw Wanda again the next day. You didn't give up talking to her, and ended up going to the only bookstore in town that you knew sold the poetry that Wanda liked to read according to the list Monica had given you.

And while you were browsing the shelves, you found her looking distractedly at a stack of books. You walked over to her, following her across the opposite shelf, and when the shelf was over, you ended up in front of each other.

- Excuse me, miss. I'm looking for an Avengers comic book, have you seen any around? - You joked, but Wanda didn't smile, looking annoyed.

- What are you doing here?

- I hear you like poetry. - You answer and she sighs impatiently.

- You're so...

- Charming? - You interrupt with a smile, Wanda rolls her eyes as she walks away from you. - wholesome?

- Inopportune. - She says irritated. You bite your lip and walk toward her.

- You're not as mean as you think. - You tell her.

- And you're not as bad-ass as you think you are.

- Oh, someone still has her panties in a twist.

- Don’t for one minute think that you had any effect whatsoever on my panties.

You let out a smug chuckle.

- And where did I provoke?

- You provoked my vomit, nothing more. - She retorts, then grabs a comic book from the stack of books in front of her and slaps it against your chest, walking away.

You stare at the Avengers comic book in your hand for a few minutes before handing it back, completely impressed by the dialogue.

//-//

At break time, the day after your argument with Wanda, Monica and Bruce approach you in the snack line.

- She's still mad at me, people. - You tell them as you put some noodles on your tray.

- Look, you embarrassed her, you need to apologize. - Monica said and you frowned.

- I'm not going to apologize for not taking advantage of her drunken state! - You retort. - It's not my fault she's stubborn, and would rather be angry than admit she's wrong.

You finish your lunch and get out of line, Bruce and Monica follow you to the table. They don't sit with you, but watch you sit next to Carol at one of the circular tables.

- Come on, Y/N, try to think of something to please her. - Bruce says, and you roll your eyes.

- You can sing your apologies. - Mocks Carol from beside you, making you laugh. But then Bruce and Monica have serious expressions and you frown.

- Not a chance! - You warn them, but they are already letting out excited exclamations.

Carol starts laughing next to you.

- I have the perfect idea! - Monica says. - You can sing a romantic song in front of the whole school! Any girl would love it.

- I'd kill anyone who did that to me. - Carol mumbles humorously, and you laugh.

- Can I at least finish my lunch in peace? - you say, and Monica and Bruce nod in agreement. You point to the free chairs at your table, and they are very happy to sit with you.

//-//

And then you ended up outside the school again. After infiltrating the upper booth of the soccer field and getting a microphone and access to the outside speakers. You also had to pay the band guy, but you figured it was only worth it.

- You're just too good to be true. - You sang into the microphone as you walked out of the booth toward the stands. Your voice echoing across the field - Can't take my eyes of you. - You continued as you walked. All the students were looking around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. - You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive - You sing and finally become visible to the people in the field. - You're just too good to be true. - You look for Wanda in the crowd in the distance, and sing the last part while looking and pointing at her. - Can't take my eyes of you.

And then the band starts playing, and you follow the beats, continuing to sing the song, as the crowd claps their hands and enjoys your performance.

You keep looking at Wanda throughout the song, and even as the security guards pull you off the field, you see that she is blushing, and smiling.

//-//

You end up in detention after hearing from Principal Harkness that she was impressed that you did romantic acts, and you laughed before leaving the office.

And then Professor Thanos was walking around the detention room, and stopped at the desk next to yours.

- You look nervous. - He said to the student who was sitting down.

- A little bit sir.

- You are sweating like a pig. - said Thanos.

- Yes sir. - agreed the frightened boy.

- Your eyes are red. - He said.

The boy nodded nervously, looking down at the table.

- You have pot, don't you? - said Thanos angrily, and the boy turned pale. - Hand it over right now.

After confiscating the boy's weed, Thanos walked back around, and then the door opened. You raised your head when you heard Wanda's voice.

- Professor Thanos, may I speak with you please? - she asked, entering the room and walking towards the man.

- What can I do for you, Miss Maximoff?

- I have some ideas for improving the team. - She says.

- Great! But we'll talk about them later. - Thanos replies with a serious expression, and as he looks across the room, Wanda looks at you, and quickly signals the window of the room. You blink in confusion, and when she whispers "window," Professor Thanos turns to her again.

- As you know, we have an important match against the Panthers coming up. - She starts to say, clearly trying to distract the man. You rush to gather your backpack and sneak out of his field of vision. - Wow, your muscles are huge! - She comments with a false sweetness in her voice, pulling the professor along and enabling you to run behind one of the pillars. The floor is very noisy and Wanda is trying to keep the man distracted by talking about match tactics, and when you finally reach the window, there is a metallic clatter and you think Thanos is going to see you, but then Wanda is pulling you by the arm again, and lifting up her own blouse.

The whole room makes a celebratory buzz and you try not to blush at the image of Wanda's exposed breasts, hurrying out, around the building on the fire escape and out the side.

//-//

It takes a while, but Wanda joins you.

- I can't believe you showed your breasts to a professor. - You remark with a laugh when she arrives.

- I can't believe you sang in front of the school. - She replies with a smile.

You shift the weight of your feet, staring at the ground for a second.

- Do you want to do something now? - you ask, and Wanda smiles as she nods.

You sneak off the school grounds, avoiding being seen by any security or teachers.

You end up in the city park, on the pedal boats in the middle of the sea.

- I can't stop thanking you for getting me out of detention. - You say with a smile as you pedal along together. - That was really nice.

- No problem.

You are silent for a moment, before you decide to ask her what she wants to know.

- What is your excuse?

- For what? - she asks confused.

- For behaving the way you do.

- I don't like to do what everyone expects. - She says. - Why should I meet other people's expectations and not my own?

- So you disappoint from the start, and then you don't have to worry?

She smiles lightly impressed.

- Yeah, something like that.

You nod, looking away.

- So you failed.

- How so?

- You've never disappointed me. - You confess, and Wanda looks at you. You smile at each other for a moment, before you look away again.

A few meters from the edge of the beach there is a paintball field.

- Hey, are you in? - you ask, pointing to the place.

- Yes. - Wanda agrees, slightly excited.

When you get off the pedal boat, you race to the paintball field, and Wanda absolutely beats you to it. You are laughing as you pay the entrance fee, watching her excitement.

After you put on your protective clothing, and get the paint ammunition, she moves first into the field, and hides, causing you to lose sight of her. You walk around looking around, and then feel something cold hit you on your back.

- Cheater! - You shout cheerfully, as you grab some paint from your ammunition pouch, and run toward Wanda, who is laughing as she tries to run away. You hit her in the leg.

And you stay in this race for several minutes, throwing paintballs at each other while laughing and trying to dodge the shots. At some point between ducking behind one of the obstacles, you corner Wanda, but she looks so cute that you don't have the heart to throw paint at her.

So you just put your hand down and smile. But seeing your hesitation, Wanda laughs and jumps at you, knocking you into the hay as she falls on top of you. You both laugh but your laughter dies down when you notice how close you are. And then she gets that look in her eyes again, and you want to kiss her, so you do.

And you kiss against the hay for many minutes, the feeling of having her against you makes you absolutely satisfied. And you continue there, until Wanda sighs against your lips, and you are warm, and it is better to stop before you are thrown out. And when you part, Wanda hits you on the head with a paint ball, and the moment changes completely. Soon you are back to playing and running.

//-//

On the way back to Wanda's house, you talked about the most varied subjects. When you are arriving, you start talking about the rumors that have been made at school about you two.

- I've heard that you sold your liver on the black market. - She remarked, making you laugh as you turned off the car.

- Those things are lies. - You retorted sheepishly as you got out and walked towards her backyard.

- The parole story?

- False - You deny it laughing. - The fight that ended in death in the parking lot?

- Rumor. - Wanda says with a laugh. - The robbery in New York?

- Just gossip. - You say. - And the kick in Tony Stark's nuts?

- True, he deserved it. - She says. - I'd do it again, he tried to grab me in the cafeteria.

You nod in agreement.

- What about your accent? - you ask curiously.

- I thought it was one at a time. - She jokes, and you shrug. You sit on her balcony. - It's real. My family is from Sokovia, we moved here when I was eight. - You grumble in agreement, waiting for Wanda's question. - Where were you last year? Since the parole story is a lie?

You laughed, looking away for a moment.

- I was in Colorado, living with my father. - You tell, and then look at her again, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

Wanda looks at you with curiosity and tenderness.

- Tell me something true.

- True? - you repeat with a thoughtful tone. - I hate peas.

She laughs lightly.

- No. Something real. - She clarifies. - Something no one else knows about.

- Okay. - You agree by coming closer. - You're sweet. - You tell her by lowering your head to her neck and kissing. - And sexy. - You kiss the skin on the other side. - And you're completely crazy about me. - You say as you bump your foreheads together, and Wanda laughs, pulling away a little.

- You have a huge ego, anyone ever tell you that? - she scoffs.

- I tell myself that every day. - You smile back, before kissing her. - Come to the prom with me.

- Is that a request or an order?

- Come on, go with me.

Wanda sighs.

- No.

- Why not?

- Because I don't want to, it's a silly tradition. - She explains.

- Now, nobody expects you to go.

- Why are you so insistent about it?

You look at her in surprise, feeling your heart race. Then of course you get defensive, because Wanda can't know. At your lack of response, she asks:

- What's in it for you? - She sounds suspicious and irritated.

- Now I need a reason to be with you?

- You tell me.

You look away, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

- You need therapy, you know. - You say back. - Has anyone ever told you that?

- Answer my question.

- Nothing. - You exclaim without patience, looking at her. - I get nothing, just the pleasure of your company.

You look out into the yard again, and Wanda lets out an angry exclamation before getting up and walking into the house, slamming the door.

You run your hands through your hair, hating that you accepted the damn money in the first place.

//-//

You thought Wanda was angry, but she calls you the next day after school. And she accepts the invitation. You are surprised, and feel guilty, but you are also happy to spend time with her.

She says she will accompany her sister, and meet you at the dance. So you stand at the entrance to the party, wearing your best clothes and trying not to look so anxious.

Wanda doesn't see you as she walks up the stairs to the party, and you bite your lip, impressed by how beautiful she looks.

You approach slowly, and whisper a hello in her ear, which startles her slightly, but she smiles turning to you.

- You look stunning. - You say breathlessly.

- So do you. - She replies with a smile.

You offer your arm for her to hold, and she accepts. You walk together toward the ballroom.

- How did you get such a fancy outfit? - she asks with a slight irony.

- Oh, I had kept it at home. For situations like this. - You joke.

- What situations?

- A date with a pretty girl. - You retort with a smile, and Wanda laughs lightly.

You walk to the entrance of the photos, and you lean against the pillar.

- I'm sorry I questioned your motives. - she says when you stop. - I was wrong.

You swallow dryly, feeling guilty. But you try to cover it up.

- You are forgiven.

Wanda smiles.

- Are you ready for the ball?

- Yes, miss. - You agree with a light laugh as you turn toward the party.

You dance together for a few minutes. The songs are terrible, but with Wanda, it's fun.

You also see Pietro and Monica dancing together, and Wanda exchanges a pleased look with her sister.

- Girl, have you seen him? - asks a redheaded girl walking up to Wanda. You know they are friends, and that her name was Nat or something like that.

- Who? - Wanda replies, confused.

- William! - she replies. - He asked me to come here.

You and Wanda exchange confused and amused glances.

- Natasha, please don't tell me you're hallucinating.

You were going to ask what they were talking about, but then you looked toward the stage and understood. You signaled for the girl to look, and she cracked a big smile when she saw Bruce Banner dressed as William Shakespeare waving at her, and walked off in your direction.

- I'm not even going to ask. - Wanda remarked with a chuckle before she went back to dancing with you.

And then the music is ending again, for a romantic one to take its place. You turn Wanda in your arms, kiss her tenderly for a moment, and then dance again, feeling her rest her chin on your shoulder.

And you dance for several minutes, and then someone pulls you away.

- Girl, what is Pietro doing here with that asshole? - Pepper asked aggressively as she pulled you away. - I didn't pay you to go out with Wanda and get nothing for it.

It was as if a bucket of cold water had fallen on you. Your gaze returned immediately to Wanda, and she was already looking at you with teary eyes.

- You have nothing to gain from this, have you?

she retorted wryly before walking away, bumping into you. You gave Potts one last look before following her.

- Wanda! Wait! Please! - You shouted as you walked out of the hall. She then stopped walking, and you let out a sigh. - Give me a chance to explain.

- You were paid to go out with me by the person I hate the most. - She retorted. - I knew it was a trick.

- No, Wanda. It wasn't like that.

- How was it then? An advance, and the rest of the money when you sleep with me?

- No! - You denied it with a shout. - I didn't care about the money! I cared about you.

Wanda shook her head, incredulously.

- You're different than I thought you were.

And then she turns and runs outside, and you sink your hands into your face, trying to calm yourself down.

- Where did she go? - You hear a male voice, and take your hands away from your face to see Pietro standing in front of you.

- Away. - You retort, feeling your stomach clench. - I screwed up.

- We did. - He says upset, putting his hands in his pockets.

- At least you got the girl. - You comment wryly before turning and walking away.

You think you're crying, but you don't care as you leave the party.

//-//

Your first lesson is literature the next day. And you know you will see Wanda, but you are hating yourself so much right now that you don't care. You arrive early for the first time in the whole school year, and sit in one of the back chairs.

As the other students arrive, you keep your head down, trying to distract yourself with your cell phone, even though you know that all your attention is on the girl sitting two chairs in front of you.

When Professor Fury finally starts the class, he is all excited.

- I guess everyone had time to finish the poem I asked for. - He announces standing at the front of the room. - Except for Mrs. Potts, who has an excuse. - He scoffs lightly, mentioning the confusion that occurred at the dance when you left, where Monica punched her in the nose. And now she was wearing sunglasses to cover up the purple. The whole room giggles at Fury's words. - Okay, does anyone want to start the reading?

The room is silent, but then Wanda raises her hand.

- I will.

- Lord, here we go. - Comments the teacher as the girl gets up, and stops at the front of the room. Wanda begins to recite the poem:

-I hate the way you talk to me. And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. - She narrates, without taking her gaze from the notebook - I hate your big dumb combat boots, And the way you read my mind. I hate you so much, that it makes me sick, And even makes me rhyme. - She pauses, taking a deep breath - I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh. - She looks directly at you, her eyes filled with tears and her voice trembling. - Even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you not around. And the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, Not even close, Not even a little bit, not even at all.

Wanda lets the tears flow as she finishes, and the room was too shocked to react. She rushes out next, grabbing her backpack on the way, and slamming the door.

You are trying to hold back your own tears as you stand up.

- I'm going to the bathroom, Mr. Fury. - You grumble as you leave, without waiting for permission.

But you don't find Wanda, and you decide that you’re simply not in the mood for school today.

//-//

You sell your motorcycle. You hate that it has the parts for the money Potts gave you, so when it is fixed, you call Carol, and she finds you a buyer. This means you are stuck with your mother for a longer period, but it seems like the right thing to do.

And then you text Wanda, asking her to meet you wherever she wants. She says she won't leave the house to talk to you, so you end up at her front door, shifting the weight of your feet before you decide to knock.

Wanda's father looks stern, and he doesn't smile when he sees you.

- Are you the girl who made my daughter cry? - he asks with a serious expression.

But then Pietro appears at his side, patting him on the shoulder.

- My God, Daddy, don't be like that! - he asks, smiling at you. - Y/N, you are here to apologize, I imagine. Let her talk to Wands.

Mr. Maximoff takes one last look at you before entering back into the house, and Pietro smiles, nodding his head for you to enter.

- Thank you, Pietro. - You tell him, and then he takes you upstairs.

He drops you at Wanda's door, and you take a deep breath before knocking.

- Come in. - You hear her voice on the other side.

Entering the room, you are slightly overwhelmed by the amount of visual information. Wanda has many posters. And she is sitting on the bed, with a book on her lap.

- Hey. - You greet her, closing the door. You leave your hands in your pockets, deciding whether to stand.

- Hi. - She replies, placing the book on the bed and crossing her legs. - What did you want?

You swallow dryly, and decide to sit on her bed, keeping your distance.

- To apologize. - You clarify, and she looks away. - Properly apologize.

- I don't know what you want me to say.

- I just want you to listen. - You retort and straighten your posture, feeling your heart soar. - I'm sorry I took Potts' money, because regardless of my motives, it was wrong to put your feelings on the line.

- Wanda frowns slightly, as if deciding whether to believe you or not. You clear your throat.

- I never should have accepted it in the first place, but mostly I should have stopped when I realized I was falling in love with you. - You say, and Wanda looks at you, surprised by your confession. - But I didn't stop, and I lied to you and kept deceiving you, when I should have told you the whole truth. I'm sorry I hurt you, Wanda. I swear I didn't think all of this would happen.

You take a deep breath, running your fingers through your hair. Wanda just stands there, looking at you as if trying to read your mind.

- I just wanted to say that. - You tell her feeling flustered,

- Are you in love with me?

Wanda looks at you intently, and you just smile shyly.

-Very much so.

And then Wanda approaches you, and when she is close to your face, she says:

- I'm still mad at you. - And then she kisses you. You have missed her lips, and unfortunately the kiss doesn't last long.

When you open your eyes, Wanda has already moved away again, leaning her back against the headboard.

- When you are no longer angry, can we do something together? - you ask her tenderly. Wanda stares back at you, as if to say something.

- I received my acceptance letter today. - She tells you suddenly, and you blink in confusion. Before you can congratulate her, she adds. - In California.

You look at her in surprise, feeling your heart race. Wanda was leaving.

- Oh. - You swallow dryly, shake your head slightly, and smile. - I'm proud of you, Wanda. Congratulations.

- I thought you'd be upset.

- No, it's okay. - You give her a sad smile. - I'll miss you, but it's amazing that you're going to college.

Wanda lets out a sigh, keeping quiet for a moment.

- What did you need the money for?

You are surprised by the question, and look away from her, feeling slightly uncomfortable that this subject is back. But you decide that Wanda has the right to know whatever she wants to.

- I needed to fix my motorcycle. - You tell. - My mom is... hard to deal with. We had a fight and she broke some parts with a hammer. The next day, Potts was offering me the money I needed.

Wanda looks at you for a moment, seeming to be absorbing the story.

- Did you fix it?

- Yes. - You confirm, but let out a humorless chuckle. - But I sold it later.

The girl looks at you, frowning in confusion. And you shrug.

- I felt bad about everything. I decided to try to do the right thing then. - You explain. - I think I'm stuck with my mother for a while now.

Wanda looks surprised at your conclusion, and you let out a sigh, flopping down on the bed as you stare at the ceiling. You are silent for a moment, and then Wanda crawls over to you and lies down beside you, looking up at you.

- What if you leave with me? - She whispers, running her fingers across your face, and you blink in surprise.

- What?

Wanda smiles shyly.

- I have a car. - she says. - And you could work, and we could share an apartment.

You straighten your posture, leaning on your elbow and looking at Wanda in amazement.

- Are you serious? - you ask, smiling, and she nods slightly. You let out a happy exclamation, and move in, kissing her on the mouth. Wanda giggles against your lips, but returns the kiss.

You quickly let go and sit down on the bed when Wanda's father suddenly opens the door.

- Keep this door open! - He warns with a stern look, and you swallow dryly.

- Yes, sir. - Wanda says with humor.

When he leaves, you throw yourself on the bed next to Wanda, and she goes back to reading while you lie beside her.

- Any chance you have any comic books around here? - You joke, and Wanda giggles, denying it with a nod.

You don't mind though, her company is enough to keep you distracted.

//-//

You end up using the money from the motorcycle sale to pay the deposit on the apartment you find for yourselves, fifteen minutes from her college. You get a job the same week, and you finally read the poetry that Wanda likes as you both drive towards California.

[theluminoussunflower]

best behavior (or as close as you can get)

while amelia was away for the weekend, stephanie's parents invited her to come home

at that point, steph has no interest in engaging with her parents, but pittsie said it would be good

"you can tell them how you felt when they didn't come last weekend," he says when the two are alone in the library

but stephanie shakes her head, "that'll start an argument, i'm too tired for that"

pittsie wants to joke "then take a nap beforehand"

but he can tell stephanie won't appreciate his amazing sense of humor him not reading the room

"do you want me to come with you?" pittsie asks instead "just tell them you want to invite a friend"

"i don't know, you're still on thin ice with my father with the skirt stunt," stephanie says

"oh come on, i didn't do anything wrong!"

"i know that, but he thinks you're... i don't know, gay or something"

pittsie's face scrunched up "would that matter?"

"to him, you know how he is"

"well, i promise to not wear a skirt, and i promise to behave as heterosexually as possible," pittsie says, sitting up straight "i'll even ask for your hand in marriage if it proves to him that i am so"

stephanie laughs, for the first time in probably a week "i'll say no"

"damn, really?" pittsie says frowning, although he's not actually sad, "you wouldn't marry me?"

"not with a gun to my head"

HAHAHA ANYWAY

stephanie asks, and her parents allow pittsie to come to their house for sunday brunch

(of course on the condition that he'll be on his best behavior)

so after sunday morning service, a driver takes them to the meeks' residence

it's not a large house per se

there are only three bedrooms, so stephanie's brothers share a room

and stephanie's room isn't exactly her own

it's designed for guests mainly because they have more guests than times when stephanie stays the night

the kitchen/dining room is petite, perfect for four people to eat in

still in their sunday best, stephanie and pittsie wait at the front door for an answer

"remember, no mentioning the club, most likely don't mention poetry unless we're talking about mr anderson's class," stephanie whispers

"and no talking about stephen," pittsie says as a reminder for himself

not making that mistake again

mrs meeks answers the door

pittsie towers over her (he usually does with everyone)

but mrs meeks is even shorter than her daughter

she's like a doll, with perfect hair, perfect clothes, a soft and kind face

pittsie always thought it was such an odd contrast from mrs to mr

the three pass by the framed photograph of mr meeks, mr pitts, and stephen, in their uniforms in vietnam

before... well, you know

both stephanie and pittsie hate the photograph

it reminds them of how their fathers could have been

happy

mr meeks is at the table reading the paper while he does nothing for the food being ever-so-slightly burnt on the stove

"gerry junior," he says when steph and pittsie enter, "how's your father?"

"he's fine, his last surgery went really well," pittsie says

bone graft in his leg (no fun)

stephanie helps her mother finish cooking

(pittsie would have also because that's polite but mr meeks caught him in a conversation about school that he couldn't get out of)

"you're enjoying your classes?" mrs meeks asks steph and pittsie

both nod

"we were lucky enough to get the best teachers this year," pittsie says

"do you have a favorite?" mrs asks

"do you have a favorite child, mrs meeks?" pittsie jokes

it makes stephanie roll her eyes a bit, "mr anderson's my favorite," she says

mr meeks nods, seemingly approving of her choice

"i guess me too," pittsie says, "i like dalton though"

the air shifts

mr meeks nearly chokes on his champagne

"dalton" he sneers under his breath

the table is silent, neither steph nor pittsie wants to continue the conversation

mr meeks slams his fist on the table, making steph and mrs meeks nearly jump out of their seats

"i still can't believe richard cameron would ever think to hire a scoundrel like charlie dalton," he says

"william, i—" mrs meeks starts to say in a small voice

"god damn rascal shouldn't be allowed in the school!"

"mr meeks," pittsie finally speaks over him, "i'm not sure how you remember mr dalton, but i highly doubt he is currently the reckless misfit you make him sound like"

"he really is a great teacher," stephanie says, "he's clear with the content, he's not too difficult with grading, he's actually opened my eyes to a lot of the failings of our democracy, and it's made me think that we—pitts and i and our friends—would benefit from—"

"do you hear this, moira?" mr meeks asks his wife, whose chin is tucked into her chest

"it sounds like she's had a lot to think about..." she says with a nervous laugh

"is it really so important the way he teaches, so long as we're learning?" pittsie wonders

"if he teaches her what's wrong with our country, what's to stop her from... oh, i don't know, opening her mind to other avenues," mr meeks continues

"he's not teaching us—" pittsie is basically red in the face at this point

"i think... um..." stephanie can see smoke coming out of her father's ears, "i think we should leave it there"

stephanie and pittsie leave once they're done with brunch, and both are silent on the drive back to welton

pittsie walks stephanie back to her dorm, "should we tell someone?" he asks, "about your dad?"

"what about him?" stephanie says, glum

pittsie shrugs "just that... he's... i don't know... the way that he is"

"and what'll change?" stephanie shuts the door

meanwhile, across the school, charlie dalton is in his office, getting his work organized for the next day

and cameron comes in

"charlie?"

just by the tone of voice and the way cameron holds himself, charlie senses it's Bad

"am i fired?" he asks

which he usually does, as a joke!

(but bro, i don't think it's a joke anymore)

"no," cameron says

not yet

"i got a complaint from a parent about you," he says, "as per protocol, i have to temporarily suspend your teaching, until i get things sorted"

"who?" charlie asks, furrowed brows

"i can't say"

"cameron, you've watched me teach, i haven't done anything unorthodox"

charlie feels desperate, for the first time in a while too

"i know, it's just protocol, hopefully you'll be back by next week"

"next week? what about my students? what'll they do? how can i possibly get a week behind schedule and get them prepared for exams?"

cameron doesn't say anything for a moment

his mind just freezes for a second

the way charlie's biggest concern wasn't himself (for once), rather his students

one of whom obviously said something off about their civics teacher to warrant a report

"they'll be separated into mr o'dowd's classes for now"

"he'll be totally overwhelmed, cam, is there even enough room?"

"charlie, i never thought i'd say this, but your focus should be on you, specifically keeping your job"

"b-but the kids—"

"i know, everything will be fine"

they stand in silence for a moment

"i'll do anything," charlie says, "i'll do anything to stay, i... i can't give up on these kids"

monday comes

and imagine todd anderson's shock when he returns from his first weekend away all year and he finds out that charlie got reported

"not even a semester into teaching," he says pacing around his apartment, where charlie lies on todd's bed "that's almost impressive!"

"todd, would you not make jokes right now?" charlie says, staring at the ceiling "when i used to get in trouble, at least i knew why, i'm completely in the dark here"

todd sighs, "if cameron said you didn't have to worry, i'd believe him, besides you're only suspended from teaching, nothing's stopping you from gathering your students in the library and doing your lessons there"

"feel like i'd be adding fuel to the fire by doing that," charlie says, "i just have to wait it out, see what cameron does"

todd stares at charlie for another moment

this isn't the piece of shit menace to society he knew in high school

"charlie... um," todd says, "if it gets down to it and stuff... i'll vouch for you"

charlie sits up and looks at todd

"you're a good teacher, i've heard nothing but good things from the students, you should have this job, and they should have you as a teacher"

todd doesn't realize it until charlie hugs him, but he's shaking

just a little bit

but enough that charlie feels it

there's a sign taped to mr dalton's door, instructing students to go to the library where mr o'dowd will teach them for who knows how long

rumors start flying

rumor, rather

that mr dalton was fired

but no one could think of why he could have been

it wasn't anything he was doing in the classroom

mr cameron never seemed bothered when he'd come in and observe

and none of the teachers could say anything

not even amelia could get a straight answer from her dad

("is he coming back?"

"i'm not sure"

"do you think he should come back?"

"shouldn't you be in chemistry right now?")

when stephanie finds out, it hits her like a brick

my father is behind this

she goes to pittsie immediately

she's panicking, to say the least

"ohmygodi'mgoingtogetmrdaltonfiredthisisallmyfault"

the best pittsie can do is remind her that he's seen mr dalton today

on his way to mr cameron's office

he also wasn't very helpful

("i just assumed you were sick"

"no, it's grown up stuff"

"???")

in mr cameron's office, charlie sits with cameron and mr and mrs meeks

"can you tell me exactly what your daughter told you about mr dalton that concerned you?" cameron says for maybe the third time

"she said he was teaching her the failings of our democracy," mr meeks says

cameron stares at him, waiting for an elaboration

"in my defense—" charlie starts

cameron clears his throat, "part of the curriculum for civics is teaching students about the positives and negatives with different forms of government, do you believe that's what she was referring to? or do you believe he was being... unnecessarily unpatriotic?"

"i believe charles dalton is instilling ideas into my daughter that will make her rethink her morals to a troubling extent," mr meeks continues

"make her rethink the ideas you instilled into her," charlie corrects, "because god forbid your daughter thinks for herself"

"running off course, instead of running with the crowd, is what got neil perry killed," mr meeks spits, "and i won't remind you what happened to keating after"

charlie eyes go wide

this guy is... an unfortunate victim of pstd following his time in vietnam and witnessing the death of his older brother

but he's also a shit dad

"mr meeks, with all due respect, i think your concern comes from a miscommunication," cameron says, "and i understand you want your daughter educated to your standards"

mr meeks nods, the first rational thing he had done the whole conversation

"and based on my observations and the feedback i've gotten from students and teachers alike, mr dalton is doing exactly that"

charlie smirks

"i can assure you, the last thing we'd ever want to do is turn your daughter against the country you, your brother, and i fought for"

"the country steve died for" mr meeks says

cameron nods and sighs

as if he could forget

mr and mrs meeks leave shortly after, and charlie stays back in cameron's office

"jesus, what a dick," charlie says, sorta finding his sense of humor for the first time that day

cameron shrugs, "he's kinda always been like that, makes me worry about stephanie a bit"

"and what about the mrs?" charlie asks "she didn't say a word the whole time"

"dunno" cameron says, "look, i've gotta run all this by the board..."

charlie sighs heavily "great"

"between you and me," cameron says "i wouldn't worry, the board may be unreasonable, but they also make the curriculum, so if a parent doesn't like it, it's not the teacher's fault, you know?"

"but they can still blame it on me," charlie says

"i won't let that happen"

with a stupid little smirk on his face, charlie turns and leaves the office

enough of these stupid adults, back to the kiddies

they gather in the cave after extracurriculars

they don't know the verdict of mr dalton yet, so they're just trying to get their minds off everything

"how was your weekend?" evan asks when amelia arrives

"good," she says with a nod, "went to whit's, or my grandparents' if anyone else asks"

"did you talk to your dad about... you know, what we talked about last time?" richie asks

amelia pauses, "yeah, he said he had to lie, parents forced him, just like you said"

"i'm sorry," richie says

"don't be"

"OKAY!" pittsie yells "why don't we start this meeting? who's first?"

it's quiet for a moment

"i've got one," evan says

he takes out a collection and flips to a dog-eared page, and reads:

whisper of yellow globes gleaming on lamp-posts that sway like bootleg licker drinkers in the fog

and let your breath be moist against me like bright beads on yellow globes

telephone the power-house that the main wires are insulate

(her words play softly up and down dewy corridors of billboards)

then with your tongue remove the tape and press your lips to mine till they are incandescent

"tommer," amelia says "nice"

evan smiles, proud of himself

"me next," stephanie says, "bobby frosty's been my friend recently"

(amelia introduced her)

steph reads:

Nature’s first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf’s a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

amelia's eyes linger on stephanie, narrowed

while everyone else comments on the poem

she wants to reach out and touch her face, but she doesn't

"'melia," lacey says, "didn't you say you had something?"

amelia jerks away and nods, quickly taking out a piece of paper, and reads:

O Me! O life! of the questions of these recurring, Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish, Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?) Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d, Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me, Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined, The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

she stops, slowly folds the paper, looking around at her friends, as she finishes with the answer:

That you are here—that life exists and identity, That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

"what will your verse be?" she asks

~

the poems are Her Lips Are Copper Wire by Jean Tommer, Nothing Gold Can Stay by Robert Frost, and O Me! O Life! by Walt Whitman

i'm pretty sure i forgot to cite the poems last time so rip

btw, if i get one (1) comment being like "that's not how reporting teachers would work!!!1! ur so dumb, theluminoussunflower!!", just know that i don't care <3

taglist <333 my beloved taglist <333 (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@chloe-octavia

@aedan-mills

@regina-della-poesia

@justarandompjofan

@sapphicnoel

@iguanamuppet

@maisietheweltoncow

@finding-an-angle

@srj901

[binniesthighs]

what you heard | reader x changjin

a/n: hi. its missing changjin hours also now I am addicted to poly r/ship fics so here is what my brain came up with hehe (pic creds to OPs!) 

what you heard | reader x changjin 

Pairing: self insert, hwang hyunjin x gender neutral reader x seo changbin 

Genre: smut w/ fluffy tones 

Tags: poly r/ship, comfort fic, outdoors sex, friends to lovers, discovery of feelings, idiots in love, with a lil bit of comedy, college au, teehee switch!changbin, switch!hyunjin, switch!reader, they’re all kinda fighting for dominance muhaha (its those bestie vibes ahaha), bratty behavior on all sides, jinnie kinda flips a switch when he gets in the mood (hehe pun intended), spitroasing (r), unprotected sex (stay safe!), sex under the stars hehe, penetration and fingering (r), oral (r & m), face fucking, cumshot, cum eating, that good, good makin’ out, soft and intimate body touching hell yeah, fluffy ending

Word count: 6.8k 

Recommended listening: what you heard by Sonder 

If there was something that you and your two bestfriends were the best at, it was getting your heart broken. 

Hopeless romantics you all were, in one way or another. In fact, it would take even more than your set of three hands to count the number of times that the three of you had come over with a broken heart, seeking ice cream, hugs, or plates to break. 

Changbin was the kind to fall in love slowly, but when he did, it consumed him, and everything that he was. He would become convinced that there was no one better for him in the whole world. He would spend sleepless night writing songs and poetry about those who would occupy his mind. Changbin would write love letter after love letter to never send them, or to have them crinkled into papery balls, and slam-dunked into his waste bin. He would often joke that he was ready to love someone, but he just didn’t quite know how to. Under it all, you and Hyunjin knew that he must’ve been scared if they didn’t love him back. 

Hyunjin fell in love with people at the drop of a hat. It was his “fatal flaw” as he liked to to joke about too. The gorgeous blond man would fall in love over hearts scribbled on coffee cups, smiles in passing, and compliments on days when he had caught the bus late. This man was the kind to sing love songs loudly in the shower no matter who heard him, and would often have a new crush by the week. Unlike Changbin, he had no fear when it came to confessing, but had even worse luck getting someone to take his words seriously. Hyunjin had too much love to give, and never received enough back. 

You, on the other hand, delayed love for as long as you could, no matter how much that you would dream of it. Love came to you in the forms of movies and books, fictional characters and song lyrics. You wrote about the love you had to give in countless journals and on the back of sticky-notes that had been used on the front-side. Love was more of an abstract concept to you. It was never something that you could touch but rather dream about. However, while this wasn’t the worst way to view it all, you still thirsted for something more. A hand to hold, a warm body to tangle up in the sheets with you. 

On this day in particular, you and your friends had gathered for a meeting: your “Unofficial Lonely Hearts Club” as you called it. You couldn’t recall who had called the meeting after the long week that you had, but it was likely what each of you had needed. 

These nights would often start the same: the three of you shoved into Changbin’s pickup, windows down, night air in your lungs, some song on the stereo that Changbin had been into these days. The three of you lived in the typical college city nestled into the side of some mountainside--a stark contrast to where you had come from before. It was the kind of place where people went to forget about who they were before to become new people. For some reason, some crazy fraction of the people who moved there, never left. 

First chance you got, you would move the hell out of there: a place full of so much heartbreak and disappointment…who could dare to stay? 

Hyunjin stuck his hand out the window, making little waves with his palm in the wind. You wondered what he had been thinking of that night; if he was sad or if he was happy. After knowing him for nearly four years now, you knew there was nothing in the world that he deserved more than to feel all the warmth that he had conveyed to others. It was a crime that he never got it back. 

Changbin’s free arm held to the handle above the car door frame, and he flexed and relaxed his muscles as he hung his fingers there. You too wondered what thoughts floated on his mind: if he was making up lyrics or if he was putting together some grad story or gesture only for it to never see the light of day. He too deserved all the love the world could offer. 

Changbin’s car sped up the dirt road to the lookout spot where kids would go to get drunk, high, or possibly both. It was a dreary and empty Wednesday evening, and secretly you hoped that no other rambunctious students would be there to shatter bottles on the craggy rocks. His headlights lit the path ahead, and the car bounced on the rough road with dusty orange rocks. The higher you got to the mountainside, the more static-y the stereo would buzz until soon all that was left were broken lyrics. 

There was one spot you liked particularly: it was a ledge that would jut out horizontally, giving a clear view to the whole of the land below: you would see the white lights from the nearby hospital, and the stadium lights from that god-awful football stadium that had sucked up your student loans. Further, you could see river on the edge of the city-line, and how it would ripple in dark blue sparkles under the moonlight. 

Your two best friends would grab the blankets that were habitually kept in the backseat made of scratchy wool, but this only made them warmer. Changbin also kept a couple camping lamps in his car to light up the dark space of his cargo bed. The weight of your bodies would shake the space and make the car bounce a bit on its wheels when the three of you would cuddle up between eachother to take in the scene. 

On nights like tonight, neither of you would say much, but just look out and feel it all. There was a kind of beauty in the simplicity of the way that everything seemed so still up there, or how time had appeared to stop somewhat. If you were lucky, you could hear the hoot of an owl, or some other critter rustling in the bushes. 

Hyunjin was always the one to sit in the middle, and he would take turns resting his head upon your shoulder or Changbin’s sighing deeply into how they would rise and fall. You hugged your knees to yourself and wondered how many more times you would come up here with them, or if after graduation, it would happen at all. It was painful to consider, but you even wondered if they would be in your life at all after everything ended. 

“I’m sick of being lonely.” Hyunjin said into the cold air. He shifted, looking both you and your other friend in the eyes. “Its depressing and exhausting.” 

“What are you talking bout ‘Jin?” Changbin threw his hoodie over his head.

“I mean moping about people who don’t ever feel the same...feeling sad when it doesn’t go my way...I’m sick of it!! I just wanna like, give up!! Would it be so hard for me to just like, stop feeling??” 

“Oh Jinnie...don’t be ridiculous. You can’t just stop falling in love with people. It’s impossible. Not just for you but...” You exhaled out, “...for all of us.” 

“Yeeeah, I don’t think that you have much control over that.” Changbin agreed. 

“No, seriously!! It’s shit!!” 

You wrapped your arms around him lovingly, nuzzling into his shoulder to sooth him, “I know, I know.” 

“Aren’t you guys sick of it?? The three of us must be cursed or something.” 

Changbin laughed out his little trademark chuckle and ruffled up his friends blond locks. “You’re being dramatic again Hyunjin. It’s not that bad.” 

“Psh! Says you who hasn’t gone on a date in months!” 

“Hey!!” 

You flicked both of your friends on the sides of their heads. “Cut it out, will you? We came up here to relax and forget all that stuff, remember?” 

Hyunjin gave out a sign in his exasperation, turning to fiddle with his little Bluetooth speaker that had definitely seen better days. The last crickets of the season chirped in the early fall air, and the little device booted up with the tiny ringtone that you knew well. 

“Anything we want to listen to in particular?” 

“Whatever you feel like Jinnie.” 

The little blue-white light of his phone illuminated his face, and Hyunjin picked a song that you had likely heard dozens of times before. It was from that artist that he had adored to bits, but only really listened to when he was feeling down. 

“Oh Jinnie.” You hushed, then wrapped your arm around his wide shoulder. “No one deserves you.” 

Changbin let his head fall on the other boy’s shoulder too. When the three of you were close like this with your body heat shared between you, it was cozier than anything imaginable. While you and your two friends weren’t the most touchy of people, there were still times when you could huddle up, and it was no secret that it felt safer than anything. 

Hyunjin chuckled a bit, causing his shoulders to shake. “You know what they say in those movies about people who can’t find love after long?” 

“What’s that?” 

“They say, “By the time that we turn thirty, if neither of us have found love, lets just marry eachother.”” 

Changbin scoffed, “And you’re bringing this up why?” 

“Well, I guess it wouldn’t be the most ridiculous idea if the three of us decided to do that, right? Seeing how the current trend is going?” 

You exchanged adoring and teasing glances with Changbin over your adorably naïve friend. 

“I think you’re missing something out of that equation Jin.” 

His doe-eyes widened, “What’s that?” 

“In all of those movies, it was usually two people who made that promise.” 

“Two people, three people, what does it matter? As of right now, its looking like the only people that we’ve got is eachother.” 

Hyunjin stretched out his hands into his sweater paws and made a little squeak when he cracked his back. 

“What do you say?”

“Hm.” Changbin cleared his throat, “So you’re being serious?” 

“What’s so crazy about it?” Convinced as ever, he counted out the points on his fingers, “We could all live together like we’ve always talked about, we’ll never be lonely and have someone to do things with, we don’t have to be second guessing ever, waiting for someone to call us back...we all already know eachother really well so there will be no surprises...” 

“Oh, so you are being serious about it then?” You ruffled his hair up a bit, just to get a rise out of him like it usually would. 

“I mean...it’s not like it would be hard...right?” 

Changbin sucked at his teeth, “Mm. I guess not.” 

“But isn’t a marriage supposed to be like, having kids, being in love, being...partners?” You added. 

Hyunjin stammered with frantic hands, “W-well, we don’t have to do everything!! Marriage is so conventional these days, we don’t have to follow all the rules, especially since there will be the three of us anyway.” 

Changbin sighed, casting his head up to the ocean-blue sky dotted with silvery constellations and the red blinking lights of airplanes overhead. 

“You’re still forgetting something Jinnie.” 

The blond tiled his head. 

“The part about being in love?” 

The tallest boy shied his hair behind his ear, then tucked his chin into one of the blankets. 

“I mean...I know that I love you guys. I wouldn’t mind spending the time...” 

Your chest buzzed with warmth hearing your friend say it for the first time. It previously had been somewhat of an unspoken phrase between the three of you, but now that he had said it out loud, it felt even more real. 

“Awww, I love you too Jinnie.” 

Changbin scoffed once more and picked with the fraying ends of the blanket. “I guess I do too.” 

The cargo bed grew silent while the three of you chewed on the idea. The longer you thought about it, it started to make sense bit by bit. After all, through all the confusion and the broken hearts, ice cream and broken plates, your little group understood each other better than most. When there were tears to dry, each of you knew exactly what to do. You had loved them all along, you always had. 

“I really love you guys...I think.” Hyunjin finally said, and linked his arms with yours and the other man’s. 

“What are you doing getting all cheesy for, huh?” Changbin nudged him with a smirk. 

“I don’t know, I guess I just never really thought about it like that before.” 

“Like what?” 

“Out of all the people that I’ve “loved” I don’t think that I’ve ever loved them like I have with you both.” 

“What do you mean?” Under the swath of blankets, your knee nudged against his, and he jumped a bit from the feeling. 

Both you and Changbin looked at him attentively and how his lip quivered, and soft eyes glistened from the glow of the lanterns. 

“M-maybe all along...I’ve been in love with you?” 

“Like, in love, in love?” 

“I don’t know...maybe?” He rubbed his eyes like he would’ve had they been lured with sleep. “Maybe I’m just, making things up...I don’t know. It’s getting late.” He laughed out with a tentative breath, “I’m saying things that don’t make sense.”  

Changbin looked out at the stretch of city lights as if he was contemplating the idea himself. 

“I guess that it wouldn’t be impossible.” He said blankly. 

“What!?” You tried to look at both of your best friends as seriously as you could. While your heart started racing, it was as if it was against your will. 

“It’s kinda funny,” Changbin began, “The three of us always complain about how love never really comes our way when we’ve already got it...right here.” 

Logically speaking, it made sense. You and your two best friends really did know eachother better than anyone else ever had. When you had met as scared little 1st years without a clue in the world how to be your own people. You had figured it all out together. The ways that you had showed love to each other had been a bit different--but it was still all the same. If you were to have not met them all those years ago, your life would’ve been drastically different. You couldn’t even picture it. 

Perhaps in all of your little rambles in journals and daydreams, was what you were looking for...them?

“Maybe we were just looking in the wrong place?” You offered, and both of them shrugged. 

“It’s possible.” Hyunjin pulled both of your arms closer to him, and rubbed his cheek into the top of your head, then Changbin’s dark curls. He giggled out, tackling the two of you to lay flat on the cargo bed. It crinkled with a plastic sounding thud, then he wrapped his legs up in both of yours the best that he could. 

Under his arm, you choked a little from his tight grasp, but you eventually let yourself mold into the curves of his body and soak up his warmth. The scratchy wool tickled at your cold fingers, and you soon felt Changbin’s hand come searching for you under the blanket too. It was a bit startling at first, but he reached out to hold your arm, then rubbed small circles into it with his thumb where you rested them on Hyunjin’s chest. 

It was as if he was a bit delirious, but Hyunjin chortled with laugher until he had lost his breath, and his lyrical sounding voice bounced off the cavern of the mountain and echoed up into space. 

“Why do I...weirdly...kinda...wanna make out with you guys right now?” 

Changbin pinched his friend with a teasing grin, “You mean it?” 

Hyunjin pouted with his plush pink lips, “I thought we all just agreed that we were in love with eachother??” 

“Jinnie...” You settled your head into the crook of his neck, right by his collarbones. 

“Damn. Glad I’m not the only one.” Changbin bit a smirk into his lip, then propped himself up on his forearm to gain better ground on you and the other man. 

Your fluttering heart beat it’s way up your throat and into your ears, and your two friends looked at you expectantly. 

“O-outside? Right now?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Why not?” Changbin traced his thumb and index under Hyunjin’s smooth jaw. 

“Aha! So you admit that you want to too!!” Hyunjin beamed and tugged at the sleeves of your own hoodie. 

“I-I didn’t say that...” 

Hyunjin leaned over on his side to face you. “Y/n, how about lets make a deal. We try it out, see how it feels, if it feels weird, we stop and pretend it never happened?” 

“I don’t know Jinnie...this seems pretty friendship ending to me.”

“Isn’t that the point?” Changbin said with a sly grin. 

The tallest boy pleaded to you with nearly needy eyes. “I think that it would feel nice? Besides...none of us have really...felt that...in a while.” 

Changbin’s creeping hands came surveying over Hyunjin’s deep green pullover, and the other boy shivered out a little feeling the touch. 

Hyunjin’s own curious hands reached out to hold both sides of your face gingerly with pink fingertips. 

“I know that I’d like to kiss you...if you’ll let me?” 

Both of your friends waited for you as you took turns checking with both of them. The whole prospect was unimaginable, but now...with both of them in front of you, both more real than anything you could have ever thought up, it started to make all the sense in the world. 

“What do you say?” Hyunjin asked with a dreamy air. It was chilly on that early fall evening, so he tucked up the blankets even higher. It was a simple gesture, but still held multitudes of his care. 

“It doesn’t hurt to try...” 

You felt your face pulled closer to his, and all at once his warmth flooded your lips. It was a strange feeling your friend’s lips on yours like this, but while it was new, it was comfortable. Your friend relaxed himself over you, smiling with the corners of his mouth, and slowly sucking at your lower lip like he didn’t want to startle you with anything too fast. His glossy lips stuck with his favored strawberry flavored Chapstick, and you only wanted to taste more. He hummed with a little happy sound, and his larger hands nearly covered your whole face where he helped tilt your head a little so that he could gift deeper kisses to it. 

Beside him, Changbin shook with a sigh watching the two of you, a different kind of passion growing within him seeing the two of the people that he loved most do something like this. He was a bit unsure at first, but he tucked back his friend’s blonde edges to free the skin of his neck, then sucked little kisses there too. He to was careful, and didn’t want to leave marks, but rather feel the way that Hyunjin’s skin dotted with goosebumps from the feeling and then let kitten-sounding whimpers go from the pressure on his neck. 

While the night itself was nearly too cold to bear, the three of your bodies heated instantly, and you nearly felt as if the sweater that kept you warm was even too much. Hyunjin parted his lips slightly to enter your mouth with his tongue, and it was a feeling so indulgent that you tried to hide from your friend how good he could make you feel out of your own embarrassment. 

Your name slithered from his lips to yours, and you tucked your hands under his sweater, finding Changbin’s hands there too on the other boy’s bare skin. Hyunjin flinched from feeling both sets of hands on his muscles. His abs flared from the attention, and he accidentally bit into your lip feeling the cold pads of fingers on him. 

Now that you had one taste of him your body could only crave more. 

Changbin tilted Hyunjin’s gasping and swollen lips to his own where he took his own turn gifting the other boy his affection. Hyunjin pressed his whole chest into the other man in an attempt to get closer and Changbin’s hands splayed across his back to hold him tightly. The two of them giggled a bit as they roughly worked their way around each other’s mouths. Changbin, a little smaller in the other man’s wide and long arms appeared to swim in him, and the two of them melted between the thick fabric of their clothes. 

Once more your hands went journeying up Hyunjin’s shirt, and you ran your fingers over every curve and twist of his back: from the little dimples above his hips, his ribs, his sweeping shoulder blades and each swelling bit of fleshy dorsal muscle you could get your hands on. You had never realized how curious you had been for him in this way, but it delighted you to feel him this close. 

Legs became anxious under the wool blankets, and tangled up with little regard for personal space, and hips writhed asking for attention that had been kept for them for far too long. 

Changbin moved down Hyunjin’s jaw to give him more kisses to his tender neck, sucking harder this time to imprint little purple marks. You had never taken Changbin to be one to do so, but something told you that he was one to take pride in those that he loved, and wanted them to be his only. 

“B-Bin...” Hyunjin’s voice wavered, no longer loud enough to bounce off the rocks surrounding you. 

From the way that Changbin kissed the other boy, you instantly craved for him to do the same for you. Across the width of your gorgeous blond friend, you tossed around Changbin’s dark and curly strands, and soaked up his warmth to your hand cracking from the cold. 

You called out for him too, and found your hips grinding into Hyunjin’s back, becoming more impatient by the moment. The way that both of them touched you, and each other was...different. There was no fear, no heartbreak, no uncertainty or loneliness. When you thought of it later, it was if the three of you could actually heal from it all for the first time. 

Changbin’s eyes softened hearing you beg for him, and he helped you slide closer to him. 

“Hm. You’re so cute.” He muttered before filling your mouth with his own kisses. Changbin appeared to channel everything that he had in him to give to you--it was no surprise considering the romantic that he was. He was attentive and slow; rough at first, but then melting into something much more infatuating. Hyunjin took his turn swiping his hands up and down your thighs, kneading into the skin, and then tucking up your sweater. He shimmied down your body, pressing soft lips into your belly to make you tremble from the pleasant gesture. He made his way up higher, up to your chest where he exposed even more skin to the cold, but was sure to make up for it by keeping the blankets close. 

Changbin swiped his thumb over both of your lips, smiling as he did so. 

“Have I ever told you that you’re really breathtaking?” He said with a tone so sultry it was a bit laughable. 

“I don’t think so?” 

He too took a greedy hand down your chest where Hyunjin nipped lightly, admiring the way that you had looked under the moonlight. He brought his fingers back to your lips, giving you a tiny and accidental taste of his fingertips, then promptly resumed the kisses that you had asked for. 

Hyunjin worked his way back up your body, stopping at last to lap lightly into your neck with tiny fleeting love bites and delighted in the way that he could see them fade onto your skin--almost like you and him were a matching set now.

Changbin broke his lips from yours, creating a tiny wet sound with a thin string of his saliva on your your bottom lip.

Hyunjin played with the elastic of your sweatpants, gasping out a bit once he saw your legs rub together in the absence of friction. His eyes wandered slowly to his other friend who had grinded his hips down into the cargo bed with a quivering length.

“Are we about to do what I think we are?” He asked, both thrilled and shocked.  

“Seems like it.” Changbin said simply after going to caress the other man’s cheek.

“Damn. I was not expecting this night to go like this.” Your voice shook, either from anticipation, or from the cold--you couldn’t quite tell.

“Me neither...but I’m not mad about it.”

“Friendship offically ruined?” Hyunjin said with a mischievous little smile.

The breeze blew through, wrapped up in the smell of the crisp mountain air. Hyunjin’s little speaker played on with his songs that you still knew the names of. There wasn’t too much light, just the glow from the inside of Changbin’s car and his lanterns, but it was just enough to take in your friends fully--the ones that you had cared for so much, you didn’t even known how much you had. While you would’ve been worried about getting caught on that Wednesday night, this mattered little.

“I’d say so.” You answered, and it was exactly what they had wanted to hear.

The three of you opted to keep your tops on to fight off the elements, but under the covers, you each jiggled off pairs of joggers, jeans and sweatpants. The car bounced once more as the three of you readjusted. As soon as bare legs intertwined and the thin fabric of undergarments got thrown into the mix, you each got louder and more desperate for wandering touches that could quell your desires.

With twisted and oversized socks, Hyunjin straddled both sides of Changbin’s head, letting the other man palm the outline of his dick and squeeze at it harshly until he shivered over the smaller man’s frame.

“Damn Jin...” Changbin groaned seeing the other’s length. “You’ve been packing and didn’t feel like sharing?”

“S-shut up.” Hyunjin whined as the other teased him.

You worked bite after bite down Changbin’s torso, sucking lightly, then harder. After long, you found that it tickled him a little--this knowledge you would save for another time.

He wore baggy boxers which hid the full girth of his dick that swelled with his erection that bopped and only appeared to grow larger once you and released him. Thick veins wrapped around his length, and his tip flared where you grabbed him into your palm.

“I could say the same to you, Bin.” You teased your friend.

Hyunjin turned to see for himself, laughing out, seeing the way that it looked in your smaller hand.

“Bin, what the fuck?”

“...Intimidated are you?”

The other boy tossed his head back, hair getting caught in his hoodie. “No...”

Changbin snapped the elastic to Hyunjin’s briefs just because he liked the sound, then pulled the other’s member out to pump at the considerable length with his fist. The blonde boy choked out a gasp at the strong grip, and Changbin dug his fingers around the other’s waist to bring in him closer.

“What me to suck this pretty dick of yours?”

“Do I even need to answer that question?” Hyunjin snarked.

Further down, you worked your own hand around Changbin’s cock which you had lathered at first with your spit. Obscene sounds of the liquid cupped in your hand, then you worked your mouth down to his gloriously thick thighs. Something overtook you then, and all you wanted to to was ravage them, make them all yours, mark them as yours, and make the quiver all because of you.

Your fingernails dug into the fleshy and squishy skin, and Changbin moaned out forcefully feeling the sting.

“Feels good?” You asked with a wicked grin, then returned to sucking bruises into the inner parts of his thighs.

“You’re gonna...gonna distract me.” He sighed out, still jerking the other boy away.

Hyunjin swiped away the other man’s curly bangs so he could see him fully. He guided his length over Changbin’s mouth, teeth clenched with a tight exhale once he felt the warmth of the other’s tongue lapping up the sides of his shaft.

Your teasing was enough, and you finally granted your friend what he wanted. With a girth as wide as he had, it was somewhat of a challenge, but a challenge that you gleefully expected. He had puffed up your cheeks fully, and you could barely take in half is length without it testing the back of your throat. Still, you focused your breath coming out of your nose, and swallowed him down deeper. Your eyes wetted from the simulation to your gag reflex, but you held on for as long as you could. At last, your wish was granted, and his marked up thighs shook just for you.

“Bin...fuck.” The blond shuddered upon coaxing himself fully into his friend’s mouth. He moaned out sinfully feeling the twist of the other man’s tongue.

To give yourself a moment’s pause, you stopped, gasping over your friend’s slit, teasing your tongue around his head, dipping down to the place where he dripped with beads of precum.

Changbin laughed out breathily, swearing easily and calling out your name too with a rasp to his tone. “S-shit...”

“Getting too distracted?” Hyunjin purred, seeing the other man made a wreck by you. “What about me?”

“S-sorry.” Changbin admitted, wetting his lips and taking back Hyunjin’s cock into his hollowed cheeks.

As you swallowed around him, your friend rutted his hips just slightly, his lust overtaking him.

“Oh fuck, just like that, mm--” Hyunjin cooed, getting lost in his own ecstasy with head thrown back, and his sweater paws melting down to Changbin’s quaking chest where he supported himself.

You worked your hand and mouth up and down around the pulsating vein’s of your best friend’s length, lazily letting him feel your flattened tongue, then switching to let him feel the tightness of your throat.

Hyunjin sighed out heavily as looked down at his friend who had taken him so well. It was almost as if he felt cheated from the crappy head that he had been getting in dirty bathrooms and semi-public dressing rooms. It was dangerous in the way that Changbin would stroke him languidly, then let his drool wet his tip.

Further down your hips, the pent up heat from your own sex ached on the cool plastic of the cargo bed, and you grinded your hips down for any simulation you could get. 

The blonde man whimpered out after long, feeling even hazier the longer that Changbin continued on. “Binnie...you’re...feels really--fuck--so, good...”

It was as if the words hand been a trigger for him, but your friend pulled his length for your mouth, panting out like a dog, while also robbing Hyunjin of all feeling.

“Don’t-don’t wanna cum yet...” He laughed out, “I was really fucking close.”

Hyunjin pouted, then turning back and look at you with a bit of your own saliva running down your neck.

“Your turn now.” He nearly whispered, then crawled down the other man’s body to jerk at him lightly.

“Jin! I-I--” He clenched his teeth.

“Lay down, y/n. Is there any way that you want it?”

“A-anything. Anything that you want to do. I-I don’t care.” You begged, falling under his spell.

“Aw. Cute.” He added once he had seen the purple marks on Changbin’s thighs.

You fell back under the two of them, opening yourself up for them to do as they wished. First, Hyunjin crept down your body with as much care as he could--beautiful in the way the he looked close to you like this. 

Hyunjin’s hand cascaded down your chest, then belly, all the way down to your own twitching and wetted sex, and you keened directly into his touch. 

“Wouldn’t you like my fingers? Filling you up...” He asked softly, finally sinking down far enough so that you could feel his words swirl over your exposed arousal, then pressing light kisses into you. “...as deep as you can take it?” 

“Mm-yes.” You squeaked, opening your legs further for him. 

Your other friend settled beside you, tilting your chin nearer to him. Just barely, his lips grazed over you, breathing in your air with his hooded eyes glued to your weakened form under the hands of the other boy. 

“You’re that excited?” Hyunjin mocked, “We’ve barely touched you.” 

“Quit talking and just get to fucking me, got it?” You demanded, mustering all of your strength. 

“Oh-ho! I didn’t take you for one to bite back.”

Changbin bit a proud little smile into your lip, wrapping his arms around you. The blond man then toyed with your entrance, licking his fingers, wetting them, then pushed them slowly into your needy hole. 

“Ahhh, look at that, so fucking tight around my fingers, You want it that bad?” 

His long and lithe digits filled you up where he started to thrust them in and out, using his free hand to push your jolting thighs back. Your right hand traversed it’s way under the blankets which you had readjusted, all the way down to Changbin’s leaking length which still blushed red. You wrapped around him carefully, promising his to lips that you would go easy on him. 

As Hyunjin curled his fingers, the other man then reached down to rub at you fervently, matching the pace at which Hyunjin flicked his wrist. Your hips lurched feeling the combination of each sensation, and you cried out loudly for the two of them--the sound itself bounced off that empty space where the three of you existed, almost as if you were calling out for the whole starry sky to hear you. 

“I-I think that we were really missing out on something...” You joked with an airy breath and both of your friends joined you. 

Changbin’s teeth caught his lip as your hand squeezed and twisted, and you could see with every ounce of restraint that he had, he was holding back. 

“Way to make me want to fuck you sideways, huh?” He said with a little grin, observing the size difference between your hand and his member. 

Your back arched when Hyunjin reached in even deeper, and you dissolved into the pleasure that he brought you--an amazing kind of all-consuming feeling that shattered your will, and sent you mewling out into your other friends mouth. 

“I-I can’t wait anymore,” You begged, clawing right into Hyunjin’s golden trellises. 

Changbin scooched up quickly, taking half of the blankets with him, thankfully giving the other boy a nod when he let him be the one to use your entrance. With his brutish hands, he flipped you to your stomach, and hiked up your hips too, cold fingers holding them in place. Hyunjin kneeled permitting you access to his cock which as softened slightly, so he pumped himself back into place with his eyes holding yours. 

At first, Changbin teased you with his tip, adding pressure to your twitching hole, then guided himself in bit...by bit. 

The blonde tapped his dick to your lips, holding firmly the back of your neck as you took him in and choked out at the way that the other stretched your walls. Changbin grabbed at your ass in handfuls starting slowly, grinding his hips in little circles to simulate you deeper. 

“Hm. Who would have known that your pretty little hole would be so perfect for me? Guess we really were missing out on something.” 

Hyunjin growled lowly feeling his cock slide down to the back of your throat, brows crossed, and the bottom of his hoodie resting just above his hips. 

“Squeeze my leg if it becomes too much, okay? ...I’m gonna fuck your mouth, okay?” 

You nodded best you could, and he started to thrust carefully, every few seconds you would hold his member to drag it against the sides of your cheeks, causing him to huff out loudly at the fleshy bits of your mouth. 

Changbin quickened his pace, doubling over your back as he lost himself in you, grunting out in his rhythm. From both sides, your best friends used you, resorting to something much more feral as they edged themselves closer. From the motions, the car rocked back and fourth like a bed and it’s headboard. 

You too felt the tension build deeply in your core, and it begged with reckless abandon at your dizzy mind that drew itself closer and closer into the feeling of being utterly all theirs. 

In many ways, you guessed that you always had been--while it had been unspoken at the time. Now, having the two of them wholly like this under the silver sheen of the moon, the cold biting at your skin, then furiously met with your heat, you could no longer see them as the two broken souls whom you had bonded with at first. They were now everything, everything that you had wished and hoped for.

Even now that you had become much more to each other, there was nothing that could take away the closeness that you had shared with them. 

“F-fuck--gonna cum--” Changbin announced while he pounded frantically. The other man rolled his hips into your mouth quicker too, seeking the same kind of release. 

“Y/n?” He said with a broken breath, and you muffled out a moan to let him know that you were nearly there too. 

“Oh shit, oh shit--” 

Changbin grunted out, with a bit of panic to his voice, forcefully removed himself from you seconds before he spilled his white seed onto your hole, then sending it dripping down your leg. 

“Oh fuck--s-sorry--” He gasped out, still jerking his cock while he pulsed. 

“Bin!! What the fuck??” Hyunjin yelled out, his words quickly turned into mumbles of nonsense when you took him down as deeply as you could manage without gagging, focusing only on him even though your sex ached feeling so empty.  

When he had come down after a few moments, Changbin took to fucking your walls once more with his thick fingers, not even caring that he had fucked his white warmth back into you at the same time. Meanwhile, he returned to rubbing of your sensitive flesh, trying to replace the feeling he had robbed you of. 

“Cum for me baby, cum for me.” 

On cue, you came in waves, shuddering over Changbin’s fingers slicked with his cum, just as your other friend released down your throat and the warm liquid painted your tongue. 

His blissful moans turned into light chuckles as he milked himself into your mouth, giving you every last drop. Changbin drove you further, overstimulating you to the point where your knees nearly gave out, and you had to beg him to slow. 

After each of your bodies collapsed weakly to the bed of blankets and rejected clothing, you drew the covers back up over yourselves, feeling the cold seep in once more. Both of your friends kissed perfect adoring kisses into your raw lips, tasting the both of themselves on your skin. While your thighs still stuck with your friend’s cum, it didn’t matter as much now that you had huddled up cozily into their arms. 

“Bin, you asshole!!” Hyunjin jested, and flicked the other boy’s forehead. “You fucking finished before you were supposed to!!” 

“What the hell was I supposed to do?? I’d already edged myself enough!!” 

“You could’ve tried!!” 

“Whatever, it felt fucking amazing, don’t blame me.” He added with a smug smirk, “You felt fucking amazing, y/n.” 

“Did it feel good for you too, y/n?” Hyunjin gingerly asked, falling right back to his soft and adorable composure that you knew well. 

“Like Bin said, it was fucking amazing.” 

“So we all agree then? We won’t forget that this happened?”

You gave Hyunjin a little nod to say yes, and your group of three hugged eachother even closer. You hadn’t noticed it, but at some point, Hyunjin’s music had turned off. 

“So, this means that we’re like, a thing now?” Changbin asked, playing with the drawstring to your hoodie. 

You peppered Hyunjin’s forehead with a tiny kiss. “I’d like to be.” 

He nuzzled into the crook of your neck and reached out for Changbin across the expanse. “Me too.” 

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @eunaeiekim @lunarskzzz

[sunjaesol]

“The simple act of being in love with you is enough for me.”

jiara | post-s2 | pining idiots | title: quote by Pacey from Dawson's Creek

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“Kie.”

“Hm?” The girl’s mop of curls obscured her face as she mumbled out some vowels, clearly still buzzed from the night before. An amused smile ticked up his lips and slapped her calf again. She sighed. “What?”

“Leggo,” he pushed, “we gotta get to Pope’s place.”

“Why?”

Even if everyone else would deny it, JJ swore Kie was as bad as he was: slow and fucking lethargic before eleven in the morning. Sure, she had better grades in school, but he wasn’t gonna give her more credit than that. Speaking of, “Helping him with that new scholarship, remember?”

The girl groaned and rolled over to face him, droopy eyes cracking open to scowl at him. She slept where he used to crash whenever his dad’s place became too much, but since the old man fucked off to Yucatán, he found peace in the quiet walls and cracked windows. Regardless, it was weird seeing her sprawled on this mattress, the boy almost able to envision himself beside her. A dangerous fantasy to linger on, so he pushed it aside and kept on trucking.

“C’mon, Kie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered and sat upright. “How did you even get in the Château?”

JJ grinned and snagged a key chain from his shorts. “Spare key. Duh.”

She rolled her eyes, uttering, “John B’s stupid,” and then pushed him out the guest room, telling him she’d get ready. His mouth opened to make the joke if he couldn’t stay and watch, but the door slammed in his face and that was that.

Having a crush on Kiara was the freakiest thing ever. First of all, JJ and emotions didn’t mesh well — it only led to trouble, a perfect example being his dad and him with the most fucked up dynamic to boot. He preferred to not even think about the man, though one glance in the mirror often betrayed his mind and brought a rush of memories to the forefront, whether it was a shiner against his eye, or the fact that he resembled his father when he was young.

So yeah, he didn’t like anything ‘love’ related. It was stupid. It was more reckless than buying a jacuzzi or trying to steal a golden cross from a boat with dozens of armed men. Friendship, however, was easy. He told the Pogues just that: they were ‘it’ for him, he’d go through fire for them, through hell and fucking back.

But he didn’t think he’d actually die for them, which almost happened when he tried saving Kie on the Coastal Venture — to which she ended up saving him. (A vision illuminated by a golden sun, hovering over him. He’d never forget it.)

While he inspected the contents of the fridge, embarrassingly filled with only beer, eggs, milk and junk food, the door creaked open and revealed a dressed and less-wrecked Kiara. His gaze flicked up and down her frame, quick, and then averted it back to the fridge.

“You got no food, man.”

She chuckled. “I know. It’s not exactly The Wreck type of food…”

“You haven’t gone back?”

“Nope,” she replied, curt, and moved past him to shove a container of sausages aside to grab a bottle of almond milk. Even if she wasn’t with her parents, she still somehow kept up her ‘no dairy’ principles.

Also, Kiara was hella beautiful. He hadn’t let it register when she walked in, but it was true. Her soft-looking, shiny skin, sporting the prettiest smile in all of the OBX, and she was just hot. Especially when she propped herself on the kitchen counter, to which he settled beside her to not look at her legs.

“How many scholarships are there?” she asked. “Like, I’m obviously proud of him, but…”

“He told us last night,” JJ laughed. “You were that fucking high?”

She giggled, “Yeah! You were there, I was just on my ass.” And then, quieter, “And… I don’t know, I guess I’ve been kind of distracted.”

He perked up, surprised. Though the Pogues were family, openly talking about emotions when it wasn’t prompted by anything, remained rare. They were better at talking shit and smoking and napping on boats. Whatever, he took the bait.

“Why?”

She shook her head. “It’s stupid, JJ.”

“Kie, you’re talking to me,” he nudged her shoulder, “throw me a bone here. Is it Pope? You got the hots for our favourite nerd again?”

Taking a sip from the bottle, her brow quirked up as though that was the stupidest thing he ever said, and retorted with, “Why’re you always doing that?”

His hands raised instantly, defensive. “Doing what?”

“You’re always digging, like, when I was with Pope you got all weird.”

“I don’t dig.”

“You do.”

“I don’t. Kie, what’s up?” He kept it moving before she found the core of his problem, and bounced back to the original issue. “Before I start saying shit to Pope.”

She scoffed. “You're full of shit.”

“Oh, Kie,” he drawled with a smirk. “You can do better than that.”

Silence fell. He waited, fiddling with his fingers, and quietly hoped Pope wouldn't be too annoyed when they arrived late — then again, they were begrudgingly coined 'tortoise and tortoise' by the group anyway.

She placed the bottle back in the fridge and sent him a rueful smile, one he often saw her showing Sarah before they went aside and had a private talk. Their eyes locked and she finally spoke.

“Sometimes, I… I miss my parents. And it's like, I don't get how they don't just accept that I'm a Pogue, that I'm friends with you guys, you know? But I still miss them.” She looked down at her feet, crossing at the ankles like a little girl waiting to be reprimanded by the teacher. “I miss my dad's hugs.”

Instantly, his arm swung around her for a gentle side hug, a grateful smile pulling on her lips as she leaned into him. Both knew they should savour a moment like this, as hugging with a twitchy JJ and often irritated Kie happened once every blue moon.

Ignoring the guilty look in her eye — yeah, he didn't understand missing a paternal embrace, rather used to a blow in the stomach or a crude remark, but that didn't mean he lacked empathy — he resisted the urge to encourage her to reconnect with them. Knowing her, she'd just close up and glare at him for the rest of the day.

So no, he wasn't going to ask her. And no, she shouldn't feel guilty. P4L 'til the end, baby.

“Thanks, JJ,” she whispered.

He snickered and pushed her off. “You can't tell the guys I'm becoming soft, dude. Theyʼll give me so much shit for it.”

“They know you're soft,” she teased, “don't even try.”

“I'm tough,” he tried.

“Like Play-Doh.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled and motioned at the kitchen door. “Let's go, Carrera. Before John B and Sarah come back and act all married.”

Now that was fucking annoying. After John B and Sarah faked their death, they got married by a bandana strip and hadn't let that notion go after returning. Sure, there was that small blip when they were fighting the crazy religious chick, but that was old news.

John B made him swear he wouldn't tell a soul, but the guy waxed poetry about Sarah whenever they were drunk and alone. It was hilariously sad. Another man lost to a girl.

(“She wants a beach wedding,” JB sighed a couple nights ago. “Nice, right?”

“I– yeah, I really don't care about this, man.”)

JJ knew that when he got a girlfriend (Kiara unintentionally but also very intentionally crossed his mind), he'd act normal. No mushy shit. No poetry. Definitely no creepy Romeo and Juliet references thrown in as if that shouldn't freak the Pogues out. Their behaviour better not be infectious.

Expectedly, Pope's scowl reached them all the way from the car, Kie and JJ sharing a sheepish look before stepping out.

“Gee, guys,” the boy deadpanned, “thanks for making haste. Really appreciate it.”

JJ's wide grin hoped to salvage it. Slapping his friend on the shoulder, he pushed past him and yelled, “Kie was dead, dude!”

Pope grimaced. “Don't joke about that.”

He watched as Kie stopped beside Pope with an apologetic expression, telling him she overslept and was sorry and that he knew how JJ was — “Always joking.”

His chapped lips pursed, a familiar punch hitting his chest with him then pretending it didn't hurt. She always did this. Even if she claimed she didn't, she always took Pope's side. Relationship or not. JJ knew she didn't owe him her 'side', but it'd be a nice change of pace either way.

Whatever. This wasn't the JJ Pining For Kiara Show. Pope needed their help.

A state-wide scholarship competition gave Pope another shot at winning a huge chunk of money (no gold type of rich though) and getting his ass out of OBX, hopefully launching himself into some fancy college when he revealed to be of Denmark Tanny's lineage. Those hibrow assholes loved a good sob story.

All Pope had to do was score hella high on some test — easy — and impress the panel — not so easy — and he'd be the luckiest Pogue of all.

But that did mean Kie and him had to sit on his creaky bed with a freaky amount of flashcards while a stressed out Pope paced around his room. He was pretty sure the floor was eroding.

Also, he had no fucking clue what any of the flashcards meant. Did Pope's smarts really attracted Kie that much? Was it the brain? Brain over brawl? But where was the fun in that? JJ loved Pope to death, but the guy had to be fully medicated or high before his brain shut off and he acted carefree.

“Pope, do you even know what this all means?” Kie bemoaned, flipping the cards around.

“You got a dictionary somewhere?” added JJ, squinting at the word aberration. It sounded like some weird disease. He showed him the word.

Pope dismissed it. “It means: different from the norm.”

“Dude, why not write that then?”

“Because they want aberration.”

He didn't get it. “No one uses it though.”

“JJ, that's just the way it is,” Pope pressed.

“Guys, stop,” Kiara interrupted. “But honestly Pope, it's so, like, elitist. None of these questions are important to the world, or the well-being of the people.”

“Sorry, Kiara, but unfortunately not everyone cares that much,” he sighed. JJ could tell they were starting to annoy their friend, their tortoise bullshit bleeding through.

Her nose scrunched up, peeved. “Right. Because there's a planet B just waiting to be used by us. Duh.”

“Ooh,” JJ drawled, nudging her arm. “Are there donkeys shitting money?”

Kie laughed. “Yes. All beaches, clean air, no Kooks, and money-shitting donkeys.”

“Nah, I want it to be hella Kooky,” he joked, gesturing wildly. “I want a yacht and tell people someone else does my laundry, or something.”

“You don't even do your laundry anyway,” she bounced back with a roll of the eye. “I know you force John B.”

“He's already playing House with Sarah, might as well wash my underwear, too.”

Oh, man. He could do this all day. Talking shit with Kiara went as smooth as fishing for him. Each time he thought he one-upped her, she threw more on top and kept it going 'til neither knew what the point even was anymore. Sarah dubbed it as 'banter' which he believed was a rich way of saying 'talking smack.'

“I don't believe you even know how to do it,” she challenged.

JJ huffed and crossed his arms. “I can do it.”

A smirk bloomed on her lips as she kept jabbing. “It's kinda cute, how you need John B to be your mom.”

“I don't.”

“You literally said it five seconds ago.”

“Guys,” Pope groaned, followed by an exhausted sigh eerily similar to Heyward. “Can we get back to the flashcards?”

Kie and JJ were too far into their discussion though, jabbing at each other at rapid speed. Then she threw her cards at him and all bets were off. He yelled she should make a goal with her hands, to which he folded up a flashcard and shot it straight between her fingers.

And that was when Pope kicked them out. JJ presumed it was a victory they lasted as long as they did. Kie kept apologising over her shoulder, prompting Pope to ask Cleo for help instead.

For a beat, they were silent stepping out of his place and back into the car. JJ felt a stab of guilt for fucking up Pope's study time, but it was hard to dial his brain to school when his friends surrounded him. Just when he wanted to ask if she felt bad too, she went off about the climate — as usual.

“It's so dumb how there were no questions about the environment or human rights or, or anything like that! It's all science and lit, like, there's more to life than fucking chemistry formulas!”

“I skipped those cards. Didn't get them.”

“It's so fucked,” she hummed. “And I'm obviously glad that you drove to the Château to wake me up and all—”

“Yeah?”

“—but I really wish those questions would matter. We almost died, JJ!”

“No, shit,” he grumbled, quickly starting to lose his patience with the ranting girl. She didn't even realise what the fuck she was saying anymore — what she did to his heart, skipping like some elemtary school girl on the playground, when she slipped some nice words in.

“Died!” she pressed. “Why even care about stuff like that?”

“Fucks sake, Kie—”

“And I didn't want to say it, but did you see how many flashcards there were? How many trees were cut for that? It's like, hello, Quizlet exists!”

“Kie, shut up!” he yelled.

Her mouth fell slack, gobsmacked, gawking at him like his interruption was a slap in the face.

Gesturing wildly with one hand, he exclaimed, “You know, you can just go on and on and I hear you talking and it's like, yeah, we get it, Mother Earth needs to be saved, we're fucked, you don't gotta repeat it twenty-four seven.”

“What the hell, JJ!”

“You have an opinion about everything! A man gets tired!”

“A man?” She scoffed. “You're not even eighteen.”

“Point is you don't gotta act all preachy all the time.” He turned the corner, hands tightening around the steering wheel.

Kie scowled. “Where is this coming from? I'm not preachy, I'm educating you.”

Now that was just fucking with his head. Incredulous, he exclaimed, “You think I don't listen? Kie, I'm the only one that does. JB is on Planet Sarah all the damn time and Pope only did shit 'cause—"

"That!” she yelled, throwing her hands up with frustration. “That's what I mean! You're doing it again! You dig!”

“What?!”

“Every time you mention Pope and I, you dig. You needle!” Twisting in her seat, his gaze flickered to catch her disgruntled expression. “Why do you do that? It's so… sus.”

JJ laughed. “Sus?”

“You don't ask John B about Sarah.”

“'Cause they're fucking obvious.”

“Still,” she pressed. “Did I do something to piss you off? Is that it? Is it me constantly asking you to recycle and yet — shocker! — you never do?!”

“Fucking God,” he grumbled under his breath.

With frazzled thoughts and shaking hands, adrenaline coursed through him as he swerved to the side of the road and stopped the car. If he fought with Kie any longer to this degree of fuckery, they were gonna crash.

She frowned. “What're you doing?”

“You, Carrera, are driving me insane,” he deadpanned, matter-of-fact. Then he slammed the door open and stepped out, desperate to catch his breath.

In the back of his mind, he had an inkling as to why he was so keyed up. Kiara would call him a Neandethal, but fuck it, here was the truth: Kiara was hot as hell when she argued with him.

Following his lead, she got out, her sneakers stomping against the asphalt. The sun steeped low on the horizon, the light hitting the hood and reflecting onto her face; her curls shifting from dark brown to gold. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was so fucked. He almost missed the start of her spiel, too enthralled.

“I'm driving you insane? I'm always getting you out of trouble, because you never think things through! You never see the bigger picture!”

He rolled his eyes. “Bigger picture? The only thing I see, Kie, is you going on about nature. That easy.” And then, before he could stop himself, he spewed out, “And you don't have to do that.”

“What?”

“Getting me out of trouble,” he said, pursing his lips. “That's not your responsibility.”

“Right. Duh. Because after everything we've been through, I can't care about you,” she exclaimed, face twisting up in pure fury. She got in his space, shoving his shoulder, but when he didn't budge, it only seemed to anger her more.

JJ didn't know what was going on anymore. Why was she so mad? Even if she didn't want to admit it, he was telling the truth. Of course all the Pogues had each other's back, but Kiara doted over him more than was necessary. The constant checking of injuries, limiting his day drinking, all that. Like he was some child!

He leaned in and mumbled, “I can take care of myself.”

Kie smirked. “Then do your own laundry.”

It happened naturally. One second he stared at her furious eyes and thought about how much he loved arguing with her despite the bullshit, the next his fingers curled into her hair and pulled her in a fierce kiss.

At first, her hands laid frozen on his shoulders, surprised, but the moment he realised his impulsive decision was a mistake, they slid around his neck and kept him close.

JJ sighed in relief and deepened the kiss he'd been craving ever since they were fourteen and Kie went from gangly to statuesque. Her lips were warm and soft and her hands were soft and she hadn't let go and holy shit — he was kissing Kiara Carrera.

The kiss lessened when her mouth quirked into a smile, their grins pressing flush together, and JJ shivered from delight. Oh, man. He was gone.

“You drive me damn crazy, Kie,” he murmured, voice dropped to an undeniably soft tone.

She bit back her silly grin and whispered, “Good.”

Taking a deep breath, he tried focusing up, but all he could do was stare at her face. A shy hand grabbed hers.

He had to get it out of the way now, or else he'd kick himself later. “I'm… really into you. I'm– oh, fuck, uh–”

“Maybe we can talk about it not on the side of the road?” she suggested, amused.

JJ grinned, elated (What was the word he saw on the flashcards? Exalted!), and kissed her again, because he could.

On the ride back to the Château, he confessed to seeing her in a different light for years, while she couldn't really pinpoint a time or moment, that it just happened. It didn't matter, though he was in utter disbelief that he and Kie were having this conversation. No jokes, no BS, all seriousness. Tomorrow, he'd wake up and it wouldn't be some sick dream. Kie liked him back.

JJ was sure he'd doubt himself or overthink it in the future, but today, he'd bask in the certainty and the major ego boost.

“Okay, but did you ever legit like Pope then?”

A sheepish smile crawled up her cheeks as her gaze averted to the window. “I thought I did. But we have, like, no chemistry, so…” She shook her head. “I was confused.”

“That's okay,” he uttered. He couldn't give her shit for it. Even if he did torture himself with their short-lived relationship, he understood.

How would he react though? John B and Sarah wouldn't care, or Cleo, but Pope? He didn't want one of his brothers hating him. Being iced out by the guy fucking sucked, as it meant he was truly hurt and therefore meant JJ truly fucked up. He couldn't handle disappointing him.

Kie read his mind. “He'll be fine with it.”

“I dunno, man…”

“He will,” she repeated. “We're Pogues. We've all narrowly survived death. And besides…” She turned back to him with a secretive grin. “I think he has a thing for Cleo.”

Whoa. He did not see that coming. His brows shot up to his hairline, mentally kicking himself for being so focused on Kie that he didn't even notice the shift of interest between Pope and Cleo. They made sense, too. Know-it-all's, but well-meaning, and only speaking when needed.

If the idea didn't relief him of worries, he'd be concerned as to why they were all seamlessly coupled up like in some 90s sitcom Big John had on VHS.

“What a player,” he joked.

“Tell me about it.”

They arrived at the house, the Twinkie and Sarah's bike sprawled on the overgrown front lawn. JJ frowned. He had hoped to have some alone time with Kie, not to jump her bones and fulfill a regular dream of his, but to talk. To figure it out. He wanted to do this right. Because after everything, they deserved to have good things, to start on a high note — he deserved it.

Kie noticed it, too. Puckering her lips on contemplation, her gaze trailed from him to the rest of the property, ending on the trusty ol' hammock. She jabbed her thumb at it.

“Let's sit there.”

Normally, they laid on opposite ends on the hammock, if they even shared one to begin with. But now, she pressed herself right beside him and he felt like heaven dropped down on them in the best way possible. He suddenly understood what John B was lamenting about — the company, intimacy, the ease. Nerves rippled through his body like a summer storm, but he figured that was what it cost to lose one's mind over a girl.

He didn't know what to say, so Kiara spoke instead.

“I don't want us, the way we are around each other, to change, you know?” she said. “Like, I don't want you to think you have to act like some mellow ass boyfriend all of a sudden.”

He smirked. “Who said anything about boyfriend?”

“Bye.”

“Hey, wait,” he grinned, latching onto her arm before she pushed herself out. “C'mon, Kie.”

Her nose scrunched up. “I don't do this usually, okay?”

“You think I do?” he asked. His hand softly slid down to wrap around hers, to which she hooked their fingers together. Okay. Wow. It felt so damn nice that it propelled him to say, “I wanna be your boyfriend, Kie.”

The girl smiled and then surprised him by leaning in herself, pressing a gentle kiss on his chapped lips. It was overwhelming having her instigate it, his gut twisting up in excitement like when he was about to backflip from a boat, or cliff dive, or something similar like that.

He let go of her hand to cup her cheeks, only to whisper, “That's a yes, yeah? Gotta get a yes.”

“Yes, JJ,” she uttered back. “Here's to not fucking this up.”

“Cheers, baby.”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

[brightly-painted-canvas]

How does it feel? (drabble, The Old Guard - Andy & Nicky)

I had this vignette sitting in my heart for a few days and I figured out I should write it down before I ended up losing its warmth. I am a sucker for fics about Andy’s and Nicky’s relationship and this is somehow a small attempt at describing how they communicate, even over a difficult topic like mortality.

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It’s morning. Early and quiet.

Andy is sneaking inside the safehouse from the back door, sure she’d be the only one up at this hour until she rounds the corner and sees Nicky at the kitchen table, kneading bread with swift but vigorous movements.

She quickly considers her options: Nicky has for sure noticed her already, so heading toward her room without saying ‘hello’ doesn’t sit right. She also had wanted a cup of coffee to wash down the stale taste of alcohol sitting under her tongue after a long night of cheap drinks, so the kitchen had to be a brief stop before hitting the bed.

 She quietly steps inside, scanning the situation: flour stains are all around the main surfaces, the oven is already turned on and a fragrant smell of sweet baking cookies is filling the air of the small room.

Nicky doesn’t even lift his head, he just fixes his big, pale eyes on her and smiles that minute smile of his.

“Coffee?” he asks, his deep soothing voice still rough with sleep.

Andy nods once and Nicky is already moving, briefly wiping his hands on a clean dishrag before reaching the cupboard for a mug. The family-size moka he insists on keeping in almost all the safehouses they use more frequently is already filled with blessedly warm, bitter coffee.

She sits on one of the kitchen table’s chairs, near the momentarily abandoned bread dough.

Once he has placed the mug in front of her, she grins and says: “You’re a saint.”

He snorts.

It’s an inside joke between them: she doesn’t believe in anything holy. He doesn’t anymore (maybe).

But if there ever was anything worth calling sainted in Andy’s long life, it would always somehow be related to her Nicolò.

He wouldn’t agree, of course.

  Nicky gets back to his task of kneading bread to perfection, quiet and precise, like all of his movements.

Andy sips her coffee and enjoys the silence, the brief interruptions dictated by the oven’s ticking and the bread’s slamming over and over on the table’s board.

She observes Nicky’s profile like she has done so many times before, noticing his somehow always disheveled hair having grown a bit too long, the dark circles under his eyes having deepened in the last months, enhancing the tiny white scar under his left eye, the one connected to the cut on his mesophrium and over his right brow.

He was never specific about his life before his first death, but Andy somehow knows the story behind that long scar. She remembers the feelings she had in reaction to that lighthearted confession he uttered: disbelief and outrage.

After all her years wandering the Earth, that tiny information still had her despair about humanity, its obstinacy in bringing suffering to its own, repressing and oppressing what is pure and good and beautiful.

What she hates the most has always been feeling powerless in the face of injustice.

But if Nicolò may once have been a scared, vulnerable boy, he wasn’t anymore.

Andy’s gaze lingers on his strong arms, his wide shoulders, the set of his angular jaw, the muscles moving under his pale skin: he is a remarkably powerful man now, her brother. A forever 30 years old warrior who died in his prime, never to be seen aging and wilted if not for many, many years to this day. And not by her, it seems.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asks, breaking their prolonged silence.

Nicky hums, a singular small sound, affirmative.

“What’s on your mind?” she follows, knowing all too well it’s pointless: Nicky never answers these questions if he can avoid it, if it’s someone else other than Joe asking, if Joe somehow doesn’t know already.

This time as well, he shifts his gaze to meet hers and smiles, tiredly but reassuringly.

Andy prides herself to be able to read all her brother’s tiny reactions, unsaid truths, hidden emotions: Nicolò may be the hardest one to read, but she has always managed.

She doesn’t know it as deeply as Yusuf, but she understands his core in her own way.

She uncurls her hand from around the mug’s handle and places it upon Nicky’s dusted with flour’s one, which immediately stills over soft bread dough.

Their eyes are still locked and Andy thinks back at all the times she had read deep into these pools of grey mist and green waters, threading out his emotions like a Moira spinning a seafoam yarn.

When he’s this particular type of quiet, unguarded and open, she can read him like a well-known piece of poetry, an ancient song.

“How does it feel?” he asks, and Andy feels like flinching, but he already has his warm hand turned, cupping her smaller one, resting the tips of his fingers on her wrist like it’s a casual position, not a subtle way to feel her life pulsing.

Oh, she thinks. Oh, my sweet one.

They hadn’t had time yet to talk about any of it.

They had to run and hide and let the dust settle, had to decide over the consequence of Booker’s actions, had to figure out Copley, had to wait for her to heal for the first time in forever, had to care about Nile.

Nicky had only had time to exhale a tiny sigh while still strapped on a medical bed, give his wise speech over immortality (wasted on the obtuse mind of an already dead man), ask her if she felt like facing yet another tiring battle.

He had accepted everything that came after with his usual grace, his absolute faith: trusted her leadership without faltering once over almost one thousand years, shielded her with his body like it was meant to be used that way, sacrificed yet some more pain, another death, to survival.

They had yet to talk about it, like they always do somehow in some way at some point, the two of them.

In their long, silent moments shared, just like this one, they always end up talking about what matters the most.

“I feel finite.” she replies, smiling privately at her beloved little brother.

He smiles back and Andy knows he has tricked her once again: he has let her in only to be able to see her in return, to gaze into her soul. Her clever, smart little brother.

She truly envies how effortlessly he manages to do that.

“It’s good.” she adds. She lifts her hand from his soft grip, caressing up his arm to his shoulder, the side of his face, the tip of his too long ash brown hair.

He lets her touch him gently, strokes the skin under his eye with her thumb, and holds the side of his head in her palm.

You are mine: my kin, my family, she tells him, through her silence. I will leave you, but you’ll always have me. I am right here.

“Finally.” she sighs, contentedly, conveying her calmness with her touch, the long awaited peace to her eternal inner turmoil now right there, close to the surface: she has a time now.

She doesn’t have to long for an end that never comes, anymore.

  His smile is a blessed thing, once again: a brief glance at unfiltered grace, the purity of a cherished soul she saw growing, learning, mending, finding its purpose and balance.

She is old and tired, but her love for this one will always bring her back to her primitive emotions, her loyalty, her animal instinct of offering and receiving protection.

She often recalls with amusement having been worshipped as a god, in the past: she had with Nile, right after meeting her. She sometimes thinks about what those ancient, forgotten people would had said and done for her Quỳnh, her Yusuf, her Nicolò. Her Sébastien and her Nile.

She’s sure they would have fallen for this remarkable man’s eyes like they did with hers, with his secret smiles and gentle voice. Worshipped his proud profile and handsome body in a manner that would have made Yusuf bristle with jealousy, exactly like he did back in the Renaissance, when a bit too many artists had their greedy eyes on the classical features of the other half of his soul.

She chuckles low, lost in her silly thoughts. Nicky doesn’t ask, but looks glad to see mirth on her face.

  The oven rings and Andy lets her baby brother go with a last stroke of his soft hair. He moves his head just enough to place a small, grateful kiss on the skin of her fingers.

“Let me get you those biscotti, they should be perfect with coffee.” he says, turning around to open the oven: warmth engulfs the tiny kitchen and Andy is sure it won’t take long for Joe and Nile to wake up now, following the sweet scent of food with rumbling stomachs, like the puppies they not-so-secretly are.

It means her quiet time shared with Nicky is coming to an end.

She accepts a plate of still hot cookies with a satisfied hum that turns into a shameless moan once she tastes the first one: “You’re my favourite!” she exclaims, like she often does in these cases.

“You don’t have favourites, remember?” he smirks, getting back to his softened bread dough.

“That doesn’t sound like me at all.” she smiles with mischief, gulping down some more coffee, as heavy steps start resounding from the floor above them, down the stairs, and Joe’s voice calling for his husband heralds his appearance at the kitchen’s door.

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Hope you enjoyed! Sorry for any mistake, English is not my first language.

I’m on Ko-fi!