#it’s normal for my anxiety to hit high when I’m wanting to post

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 20

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC Smut & Language- Minors DNI New as of 9/11/2023

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Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy."

My entire morning was dragging after finding out about the TMZ article and Instagram post. I could feel the staff's eyes on me and hear the whispers. Everyone knew about it. Once I had a minute to myself, I sent Dieter a text about everything. That was two hours ago, and he still hadn’t answered. I had a feeling he was dealing with a shit storm of epic proportions. The longer I went without hearing from him, the more anxious I felt.

As my final meeting was coming to an end, I saw a notification pop up on my phone. Normally I wouldn’t check my phone during a meeting, but I needed to hear from him.

DIETER: Sorry it took me so long to respond. This morning has been crazy. You want to come over to my house when you leave work? I’m meeting with my manager and publicist.

ME: Yeah, I’ll come straight there.

DIETER: Just a head’s up... TMZ is about to post an update. They have info on you. They are refusing to keep it under wraps. We tried everything. I’m sorry.

I sighed heavily and let out a quiet “fuck” under my breath. Everyone sitting near me looked in my direction. Aubrey had heard it too, but she continued speaking as she gave me a concerned look. I opened the browser on my phone and hit refresh on the article. There were multiple updates posted since earlier this morning. Several ‘sources’ had indicated that Dieter was under the influence of some unknown substance during the confrontation, which they said was related to concerns over his current relationship. They had also added a screen shot of this morning's Instagram post. Another ‘source’ raised concerns about his current mental health status due to his unusual behavior the last few months.

I squeezed the bridge of my nose where a deep throb was forming. This was so ridiculous and blown out of proportion. Who were they even talking with to get this information? I hit refresh again. Sure enough, there was a new update. They had my picture from the company website along with all sorts of details about me, including where I worked. I exhaled slowly as I leaned back in my seat. Aubrey was just wrapping up the meeting. While everyone filed out of the conference room, she and Kerrie walked over noticing that I was upset. When they asked what was going on, I didn’t say anything. I unlocked my phone and handed it to Aubrey.

Aubrey’s eyes grew wide as she handed the phone to Kerrie.

“Wow. That didn’t take long, huh?”

“Where are they getting this information? It’s not even accurate.”

“There is no telling,” Kerrie said as she returned my phone.

“I should probably go before the paparazzi show up here.”

I quickly walked back to my office to gather my things, then headed out the back door toward my car. I noticed there were already a couple of people across the street milling around with cameras. I kept my head down, walking in the opposite direction toward where I parked. I managed to make it out of there without being noticed.

I arrived at Dieter’s a short time later, without incident. When I keyed into the front door, I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I paused to take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves.

“This is fucking ridiculous. Where are they getting their information? Someone that was there with Anna has to be feeding it to them.”

A woman’s voice spoke up, “D., you were yelling. I’m sure anyone seated around you could have figured out what it was about.”

“Yeah, but what about these sources? It’s all total bullshit. I swear, it sounds like Ann...”

I sat my bags down on the couch before walking into the kitchen as Dieter was speaking. He was leaning against the counter, until he caught sight of me. He stopped mid sentence, walking over to hug me tightly and immediately started apologizing.

“Stop apologizing. It’s fine. I’m ok.”

He pulled away as he moved his hand to cup my face. He gave me a questioning look, trying to decide if I was being honest or not. He seemed satisfied with what he saw before leaning in to give me a quick kiss on the lips. He reached down to grab my hand and led me further into the kitchen to where the man and woman were sitting at the kitchen table. He then introduced me to his publicist, Elaine, and his manager, Ty.

Elaine was probably in her late forties. She had blonde hair swept up into a neat bun. She was dressed business casual, but there was something elegant and genial about her. Ty seemed to be around the same age. He had dark hair with a hipster vibe about him. His face was very smug and judgy. Something about him was already rubbing me the wrong way.

As Dieter introduced us, Elaine gave me a warm smile and shook my hand. Ty on the other hand, looked me up and down before saying, “I would love to say I’ve heard a lot about you, but he has told us absolutely nothing before today.” He followed that statement with a tight smile before turning his gaze to Dieter in an admonishing way.

“That’s not accurate. I told you about her a long time ago. I just didn’t share intimate details because my personal life is my business.”

“Yeah, until it’s not,” Ty shot back at him.

Elaine jumped in, “Ok guys, let’s not argue. Let’s just figure out how we’re going to deal with this, please.”

“D., I’ve got to ask… you swear you're not using again? Be honest. We can’t help if we don’t know.”

Ty glanced over at me as he spoke. Almost like he wanted to see my reaction.

“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have asked that in front of your lady,” he added.

My eyes were focused on Ty. I could feel the intense look forming on my face. I knitted my brows together and tilted my head slightly as I tried to read his body language. That was exactly his intention. Was he testing us or just trying to be an ass?

“It’s fine, Ty. She already knows everything,” Dieter said as he grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. He could sense that I was on edge with this guy. He gave me a comforting smile before turning back to Ty.

“I can’t believe you’re really asking me that. I’m completely clean. I didn’t even have any alcohol to drink last night. Neither of us did.”

“You’ve been so secretive lately and haven’t really been in touch with us unless you have to be. I’m just making sure. We don’t know what you’ve been up to,” Ty replied.

“I’ve been on a fucking break. Here. Staying out of trouble like you told me to do.”

I was starting to get annoyed with Ty’s line of questioning. He was being very negative. I felt the need to say something.

“For what it’s worth, I can vouch for him. He’s been working really hard at getting his shit together and he’s been doing great. Truly. We’re together the majority of the time, so I would know if he was doing something like that.”

“I’m sorry, what was your name again?” Ty asked. I narrowed my eyes at him in response. He waved his hands and shook his head in a way that said ‘never mind’ before continuing, “Look, I don’t know you. No offense, but for all I know you could be feeding him lines of coke off those pert tits of yours all the while telling us everything is hunky-dory.”

I had to bite my tongue. I nodded my head as I gave him a tight smile and exhaled loudly. Dieter braced for my response, but I didn’t give one. I wasn’t really sure how to handle this situation.

Elaine interjected, “Ok, that’s enough Ty. Stop being a dick.” Ty gave her a sarcastic smile before leaning back into his seat and crossing his arms.

“Look D., I can tell by looking at you that you’re clean. Don’t listen to him,” she added.

I turned to go grab my laptop and phone off of the couch, then walked toward the back door. Dieter gave me a questioning look. I couldn’t stay in here with this guy for another minute.

“I’m gonna go sit out here and work until you're done.”

“You don’t have to do that. You’re in my life now. I don’t mind if you're involved in these discussions.”

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.” I raised my brows at him. He knew what I was saying. I was going to lose it on this guy if I stayed. He gave me a tight nod in understanding.

I exited to the back yard and walked over to sit under the canopy of the rounded daybed to avoid the afternoon sun. I propped myself up on several outdoor pillows and stretched my legs out before getting back to work on my laptop. It was hard to focus given the day’s events. My thoughts were wandering as were my eyes. I couldn’t help glancing toward the glass doors. I could make out Dieter’s dark figure pacing around the kitchen, gesturing with his arms as he talked. Based on his mannerisms, he seemed frustrated. I felt that too.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed before the back door opened. Dieter came out carrying a takeout container and two bottles of water. He sat everything on a nearby table before crawling up the daybed toward my right side. I slid my laptop off to the left, giving him space to hover above the right side of my body as he leaned in for a lingering kiss. He pulled back slightly as his eyes roamed over my face.

“Lunch is here. Gotta make sure you don’t get hangry.” I chuckled.

“Thank you. How is it going in there?” He sighed as he sank down to lay his head on my chest. His right arm reached around and hugged me tightly.

“It’s going. I think we’ve settled on releasing a statement. Elaine is drafting it now. I’m not cool with people thinking I was under the influence. That’s the part that bothers me the most, aside from them posting all the details about you, obviously.”

“Can I ask you about that Instagram post?” He groaned.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you before I did that. I was hell-bent on making a point.”

He raised his head to look at me. He had a fierce look in his eyes, “I meant it though. I don’t need anyone but you. You’re kinda it for me and I don’t care who knows. They can all fuck off if they have a problem with it. I hope you’re not mad about it.”

“I’m not mad, but a heads up would’ve been helpful. I had to find all this stuff out from my assistant and boss as soon as I walked into the office this morning. Under normal circumstances, I probably would’ve found it to be a turn on, actually. But, the whole public side of everything just adds a weird layer to it, you know what I mean?”

“Shit, mi vida, I’m sorry. I really didn’t think that through. It was impulsive. I shouldn’t have done it.”

He scooted to sit upright, then pulled me into a hug. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck while he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. He began to run his fingers through the back of my hair.

“I’ve never been in an actual relationship, so I’m probably gonna fuck up… a lot. I’m asking for a little grace in advance because I’m not really sure how to navigate all this. But... I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy.”

I pulled away, reaching to cup his cheek as our eyes met.

“We’ll figure it out together. You just need to make sure you’re communicating your thoughts and feelings with me, ok?”

He shook his head in agreement before reaching to grab my hand that was resting on his cheek. He held it as he turned to kiss the palm. Then he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips. His tongue quickly found its way into my mouth for a moment. He pulled away, giving me a deep gaze. His eyes were now hooded with desire.

“I better get back in here before Ty comes looking for me.”

“I don’t think Ty is a fan of me.”

“Ty is a dick. He’s also friends with Anna, so there’s no telling what’s going on in his head.”

“Oh, is that gonna be a problem?”

“Possibly. We’ll see.”

I gave him a concerned look. He responded with a tight small and raised eyebrows before moving to get up and walk back toward the house. As I watched him, my eyes were drawn to the two silhouettes in the kitchen window. Elaine and Ty had been watching us.

I suddenly felt like our private moment had been violated. Then again, I should probably get used to that. The quiet world we had been living in was quickly crumbling around us. I had a sinking feeling in my gut that we were about to be tested. My only hope was that we could handle it.

I moved over to the table with my laptop so that I could eat as I continued to work. However, that was soon interrupted by my cell phone ringing. It was Lauren calling. She must have finally gotten wind of what was going on. As soon as I answered, she was in full interrogation mode.

“What the actual fuck is going on? What is all this stuff on TMZ? And that Instagram post? What the hell happened in Sonoma?”

I quickly filled her in on all the details as I nibbled at my lunch. I could feel my chest tightening as I relayed the events from the previous night.

“Well, I’m happy you both finally stood up to Anna. She is such a bitch. I can’t believe she said that shit. It’s so fucked up. It’s almost like she was trying to get that kind of reaction out of him.”

“Oh, I’m fairly certain that was the exact reaction she was shooting for. She knows how to push his buttons, unfortunately.”

“Should we be concerned about his reaction? He’s never been like that before, right?”

“Not that I’ve seen. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t concern me a little. He wasn’t responding to me initially, but I think he was just trying to focus on staying calm.”

“Yeah, hopefully that’s all it was.”

Lauren and I ended our conversation after that with promises for the two of us to get together soon. It felt like we hadn’t spent any quality friend time together in ages, and I hated that. She had seemed less engaged lately, blaming it on being short staffed at the shop. I briefly found myself wondering if she had something going on that she wasn’t sharing. It would be unusual for her to keep something from me though. I wasn’t sure if I had the mental capacity to think about that too much at the moment, so I dismissed the thought.

Soon after hanging up with Lauren, Aubrey called to check in and see how I was doing. She told me to take the following day off to try and relax after the madness of today. She also told me to work from home for the next little bit until things calmed down, noting that guys with cameras were hanging around the building. All I could do was apologize. I felt awful that my place of employment was having to deal with this mess too, but she was having none of it.

“Talia, after what I saw in here with you two yesterday, I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that happy or content. It is what it is. We’ll handle it.”

I could feel myself getting a little emotional. Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. She was always more supportive of me than she needed to be. I had to take a moment to steady my voice before responding.

“Thank you. I appreciate it. Hopefully it will blow over quickly.”

After hanging up with Aubrey, I sat staring at my laptop, completely disassociating for a time, feeling like my mind needed a break. I was soon brought back to reality by the sound of footsteps. When I glanced up, I was greeted by Elaine’s approaching smile.

“Do you mind if I join you for a few minutes? Dieter and Ty are on a conference call with the studio. I don’t want to be in on that one if I can help it.”

“Uhh, yeah, sure. Have a seat,” I motioned to the seat next to me as I moved the empty food container out of the way.

She sat down beside me, still smiling before she continued, “You work for Aubrey, right?”

My head snapped back toward her, eyes widened in surprise.

“Yeah…how did you…”

“We have friends in common, so we’ve spent a lot of time together. I didn’t realize who you were until I read that article. I’ve heard her say a lot of really good things about you.”

“Oh well, small world.” I gave a timid laugh. I wasn’t sure where this was going.

“You know, I was with Dieter during a few meetings in New York. He seemed different, even then. I’m pretty sure he was enamored with you the moment you met.”

I couldn’t help the look of disbelief that came across my face, “I doubt that.”

“I’m serious. I mean, he’d been trying to straighten his life out for some time, but something changed after that trip. He seemed a lot more focused and determined. I think that had a lot to do with you.”

I couldn’t help the half smile that crept across my face. If I was honest, I think I was probably enamored with him before we even said a word to each other that first night at the bar.

“I’ve been working with Dieter since the beginning, and I’ve never seen him like this with anyone. I can see that he’s in love with you. I think you’re good for him. So, ignore anything Ty says. He’s blind and also a dick. If you need to throw some of that sass at him that I’ve heard so much about, do it. He needs to be put in his place every once in a while.”

I chuckled. Of course, Aubrey had mentioned that. It was the thing she loved most about me. I could always say what she couldn’t. As far as Elaine was concerned, she was definitely earning some points in my book. I felt like she was being sincere and meant what she was saying. I was happy to find that Dieter had at least one decent person on his side.

“Thank you. I probably needed to hear that. I’m happy he has you. Everyone else I’ve met so far, aside from his family… I’ve just not been impressed. I can understand why he feels like he doesn't have enough support.”

“It’s not the easiest industry to work in. Especially when you have things going on like he does. I’m happy he found someone from the outside that he can trust.”

We were interrupted by Dieter sticking his head out the back door to announce they were off the call. I decided to give up on work for the day since I couldn’t concentrate and had made zero progress. I gathered up all of my things and followed Elaine inside. Elaine and Ty didn’t stay much longer after that, thankfully.

Dieter made a point to set his phone to ‘do not disturb’ after they left. He was over it all and looked exhausted. He flopped down on the couch. I followed, squeezing in between him and the back of it, cuddling into his side. He wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. Both of us sat in silence for some time before he spoke up.

“I’ve been asked to go see my therapist tomorrow. I’m a little pissed that Ty has no confidence in me.”

“How involved is he with that stuff?”

“Not really that involved. He just likes to make sure I’m going regularly. He doesn’t know the details of anything.”

“Well, maybe it's not a bad idea. This week has been a lot for you. It couldn’t hurt. I can take you if you want. Aubrey told me to take tomorrow off. I can pop in to visit Lauren at the shop while you’re there.”

“Yeah, sure. I think I’d like that.”

We spent the rest of the evening on the couch together catching up on some of our shows and enjoying each other’s company. It was a nice end to the day given how it had started. It was exactly what we needed to recover from the drama.

When the alarm went off at 7AM the next morning, Dieter was not there. I sighed when my fingers met with the cold sheets on his side of the bed. As I lay wondering how long he had been awake, he came walking into the room wearing nothing but gym shorts and carrying a cup of coffee. He handed it over to me as I sat up.

“Despierta, bella durmiente.”

I squinted at him in confusion, “What?”

“Wake up, sleeping beauty,” he repeated in English with a smirk.

“I don’t know about beauty. I’m pretty sure I look like a hot mess.”

I could tell my hair was sticking up in every direction after having Dieter’s hands tangled in it for an extended time the previous night. Even though we were both worn out, we still had the need to partake in some stress relieving activities before sleep took us. It was becoming part of our nightly routine at this point.

He rolled his eyes at me, “Whatever you say, mi amor.”

I smiled at his response. I understood that pet name.

“I happen to like the wild sex hair look, it’s a good reminder of our late night activities,” he added with a playful smile and a wink before walking into his closet.

“I probably need to run to my house to grab some clothes.”

“I should just give you space in my closet so you have some things here for days like this.”

He walked out and threw one of his band t-shirts at me to wear. I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Is that right? Are we those people now?” I huffed out a laugh.

“Just trying to make your life a little easier babe,” he replied with a flirty grin.

“I guess this means I shouldn’t make you live out of a gym bag at my place anymore then.”

I gave him a teasing look as I took another sip of my coffee.

“I mean, it would save me from all the wrinkles and it’s the polite thing to do.”

He shrugged as he sat down on the bed beside me with a toothy smile on his face. I reached up to slide my hand around to the back of his neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He briefly paused to take the coffee mug out of my other hand and sat it on the nightstand. Then, he lifted the comforter and crawled underneath it, hovering above my naked body to settle in between my thighs.

As he kissed down the crook of my neck, he reached down to my folds, rubbing gently. He groaned when he felt how wet I already was for him. He inserted two fingers painfully slow as his thumb found the bundle of nerves at my center. His touch caused a sudden jolt of heat to radiate through me. I arched up toward his mouth, which had found its way to my breast. My hands twisted in his curls as he kissed and sucked every inch of me that he had access to, causing me to climax quickly. It was amazing how well he could work my body into a frenzy. I didn’t understand it, but I welcomed it without hesitation every time.

He continued to shower me with soft caresses and kisses until I came down from my high. My immediate response was to reach for his shorts and shove them down his hips far enough to release the hardness I could feel pressing against me. As soon as he was free, I lined him up with my entrance. He responded by slowly sinking into me for the first few thrusts. He abruptly switched to hard thrusts in, all the way to the hilt, but pulled out ever so slowly. With each thrust in, I could feel my muscles quiver slightly. Ready to be taken over the edge again. A small whimper escaped my mouth every time he slammed into me. This pace was maddening, and he knew it.

“Fuck, I’m so close. Stop teasing me. Please,” I managed to cry out between moans.

“What do you need, mi amor. Tell me.”

I could feel his warm breath against my ear as he spoke in a low, sensual tone.

“Faster… please.”

He acquiesced by gradually increasing speed, but still thrusting just as hard. It didn’t take long after that. I quickly came undone around him. He followed soon after, burying his face into my neck. Muffling the low grunts that were escaping his lips.

He hovered above me with his head leaning down toward my chest for several minutes, trying to catch his breath. When he raised it to look at me, I reached for his face and ran my thumb down his plump bottom lip as we looked into each other's eyes. Taking in the shared emotions of the moment. Our time together only seemed to be getting more passionate. It was a miracle to me that we could handle it. I took that as a testament to how much we had both evolved emotionally.

“We really should get in the shower, or else I’m gonna be late.”

I nodded in agreement before giving him one last kiss. He pulled himself out of me with a small grunt, moving to get up. He discarded his shorts on the floor before he walked toward the bathroom. I followed behind to join him. Showering together was becoming pretty routine at this point too. Any chance we got for bonding time, we took full advantage of.

We both had to rush to get ready so that he wasn’t late for his appointment. I didn’t have time to stop and get fresh clothes, so I ended up wearing my skinny jeans from the day before with his t-shirt. Luckily, I had a spare pair of comfy sneakers stowed away in my car.

He was quiet on the way to his appointment, seeming somewhat anxious. He had his right arm propped on the passenger side door with his hand fisted under his chin as he looked out the window. His left hand sat on his thigh while his thumb rubbed back and forth against the other four digits non-stop. I reached over to grab his left hand, entwining our fingers together, hoping it would help calm him. I wasn’t sure that it did.

I pulled up to the front door of his therapist office to drop him off. He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss before exiting the vehicle. I really hoped his session went ok. I wasn’t sure how much more he could handle this week.

After dropping him off, I made my way over to Lauren’s shop. I needed to pick up some supplies, but also wanted to visit with her if she wasn’t too busy. However, when I got there, I was informed that she was taking the day off because she wasn’t feeling well. I found that to be odd. I tried calling her as I wandered down the painting supply aisles. She didn’t answer. I sent her a quick text.

ME: Hey, stopped by to see you and they said you’re out sick. You ok? Need anything?

I didn’t get an immediate response back. Maybe she was asleep? Weird.

I continued browsing for another twenty minutes or so. Finally, my phone pinged.

LAUREN: No, I’m good. Just sleeping it off.

That’s it. Nothing else. Typically, she tended to overshare the gory details. Something had to be going on with her. I felt like I needed to talk to her about it.

I gathered up the remaining items that I needed, then headed toward the checkout counter. I still had some time to kill before going to pick Dieter up, so I decided to run by his favorite smoothie place to pick something up for us. When I got there, it was fairly empty. However, I could feel eyes on me as I stood in line. I glanced around and noticed a couple of girls sitting in a booth looking my way like they recognized me. Geez. I felt like I needed to resort to wearing a hat and sunglasses like Dieter often did. I made a point to turn away from them so they couldn’t see my face. Luckily, I got our order fairly quickly after that and hightailed it back to my car.

I made my way back toward Dieter’s therapist office. I managed to find a parking spot nearby to wait. He still had about ten minutes left. To kill some time, I pulled out my phone to scroll through social media. As soon as I opened the app, I checked the one message alert that popped up. It was from Kerrie. She shared a picture of me at the smoothie shop that had just been posted by a fan account. There was a second picture of Dieter wearing the same t-shirt at some point in time. So they take inventory of his clothing too? And I had literally just left the place.

“Fucking hell. This is so ridiculous.”

I shook my head, closing the app without reading any of the comments. I didn’t want to know what they had to say. Just as I threw my phone down on the middle console, I saw Dieter walking out of the building, briefly stopping to pull out his phone. I assumed to check in on where I was. I quickly pulled out of the parking spot to meet him.

He had an irritated scowl on his face as he got into the car and shut the door a little harder than necessary. I stuck his smoothie in front of his face, and he softened some as he took it from me. He turned, giving me a small smile before sticking the straw in his mouth. I took a minute to pull out onto the main road before I spoke, “I’m almost afraid to ask, but did everything go ok?”

He was quiet for a time as he continued to work on his smoothie. I could tell he was thinking about how to respond.

“He wants to make some adjustments to my medication. The med provider agreed, so I’ve gotta go pick up some prescriptions.”

“Why does he want to do that?”

“Because I’m still having trouble sleeping and the anxiety is getting worse. They’re trying a different sleeping pill and different dosage amounts on the other stuff. I know it’s just because I’m leaving to film soon. It’s got me a little amped up. I really don’t wanna be dealing with medication changes on top of that. It tends to mess with me until I adjust.”

I didn’t really know what to say. I reached over to grab his hand in comfort. He spoke up again, directing me to one of the local pharmacies so he could pick up his prescriptions. I parked and started to grab my purse, but he told me I could wait in the car. Before he got out, he grabbed his hat, sunglasses, and earbuds. His ultimate “don’t talk to me” look. He reached in for his drink before shutting the door. I watched him walk toward the main entrance with his head down. He looked defeated and I hated it for him. He still had a long road ahead of him.

It took a while before his prescription was ready since they had just called it in. He finally came shuffling out the doors forty-five minutes after he went in. He was immediately approached by someone shoving a camera in his face. I could tell he was annoyed, but still smiled and chatted with the guy as he walked. I assumed it was paparazzi since they were clearly recording the entire interaction. When Dieter got to the car and opened the door, I could hear the guy yelling my name and asking how I was today. I mustered a small smile and wave as Dieter shut the door.

“I guess our quiet little bubble has burst, huh?”

“Yep. Welcome to my world.”

He gave me an annoyed look as he put his seatbelt on. I backed out as the guy continued to film. We were both beyond ready to go home.

During our remaining two weeks together, we spent as much time at home as we could. Dieter enlisted his assistant, Rylee, to pick things up for us as needed. She was a sweet girl and seemed like a genuinely good person, which I was thankful for. She had a lot of spunk and a fun personality, with brightly colored hair to match. He was going to need that while he was away. He was going to need all the help and positivity he could get.

As his departure date neared, he was clearly getting more anxious. He tried to keep himself busy preparing for the role during the hours that I worked. Our free time was spent wrapped up with each other, locking the rest of the world out. It was the only time he seemed to relax in the slightest.

Since his change in medication, there were some days he felt terrible. He started having intense headaches and nausea almost immediately. The doctor insisted that was normal the first few weeks, which was frustrating for him. He was worried it wouldn’t stop before filming began, adding an extra layer to his anxiety. It did seem to be happening less as the days went on, but that did little to ease his fears. It also didn’t seem to be doing much to remedy the issues for which he was taking them, further frustrating him.

In an effort to keep his spirits up, we started planning our trips to see each other. The first trip would be three weeks after filming started. I would be spending a week with him while he worked. He had a scheduled three-day break four weeks after that. Which meant he would fly back home during that time. By then they would be getting into filming out in the middle of nowhere, so we decided to play it by ear at that point because of my work schedule. I had hoped that having those planned visits would give him something to look forward to. A positive distraction to focus on rather than the negative thoughts he said often plagued him.

The morning that he was set to leave, he was a scattered mess. His thoughts were all over the place. He was jumping from one topic to another as he rushed around to make sure he had everything he needed. I felt like he was doing everything he could to not focus on the fact that he was leaving, which was probably a good thing. Both of us seemed to be avoiding that topic directly.

Rylee was traveling with Dieter, so she showed up around an hour before their car arrived to take them to the airport. They went through several checklists to make sure he was all set. I was thankful for that because I had no idea what all he needed. It also helped to keep him distracted.

Before we knew it, their car was out front waiting as they hauled their luggage out. We kept our goodbye brief with a tight embrace and passionate kiss, all while avoiding direct eye contact and not saying a word. We both knew if we lingered too long, one of us would break down. I didn’t want to stress him further, so I knew we needed to avoid that at all costs.

As soon as his car was out of sight, I lost all composure. I couldn’t help it. I had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it was making me nauseous. I was worried about how he was going to handle this. As I sat on the couch trying to pull myself together, my phone pinged.

DIETER: Love you, mi estrella. I miss you already.

ME: Love you too. I’ll be with you again soon enough. Call me if you need me, please.

DIETER: I promise I will. I’ll text you when we land.

After I calmed down, I turned off everything and locked his house up. I decided to go back to my place for now. I needed to distract myself. When I got home, I went straight to my craft room and started a new project, a painting for Dieter. He had mentioned multiple times that he wanted me to paint one for his house. I felt like this would be the perfect distraction.

I had an image in my mind that I wanted to recreate for him. A reminder of our most intimate experience, but also a reminder of a happier time from his past. I started by covering the canvas with the brilliant colors of the rising sun, before moving on to the more symbolic images that would serve as the focal point of the piece. The images were slowly beginning to take shape as I blended the dark wood colors with gold, green, and white. I got lost in the project, my emotions finally going numb and thoughts going blank as I had intended.

A/N: Hopefully this chapter wasn’t too much of a mess. My concentration has been all over the place this week for whatever reason and it was a struggle.

Anyway, so there we have it. The fallout from the very public argument with Anna. How we feeling about that? Do you think it will create any problems for our lovely couple? Did your feelings change about the Instagram post after their talk? What are your thoughts on the new characters? Do we think something is going on with Lauren, or is Talia overthinking it?

Dieter has officially left to film, which is what everyone has been dreading. How do we think everything that he is currently dealing with is going to affect him? Any predictions on how this is about to go?

What about Talia’s painting? Any predictions on what it might be?

So many things to ponder in this chapter!

I am issuing a warning now. Things are going to start getting a lot rougher going forward. There is going to be some extreme drama and angst building until it finally hits a breaking point due to a major event that’s going to be pretty heart wrenching for everyone. So, be prepared for the crazy journey ahead.

Mood board for this chapter is included below in case you missed the teaser. 😉

Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @pedrostories @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

[caspersickfanfics]

OKAY!!! I have been released to spew emotional sickie headcanons and tropes and more and I’m thrilled

now ofc not all of these may fit the current fic you’re working on but these are some of my favorites 🥰 AND these specifically I think apply to Cyno

You already captured it perfectly but- the insecurity!! Cyno just losing his confidence and all of the deep rooted fears come to the surface with him asking “are you mad at me” like when a sickie is just so sensitive that any criticism they’d normally brush off hits exactly where it hurts the most. Cyno fears failure in my mind, and Cyno probably HATES letting Nari down the most.

also- irrational sickies. Like sometimes when your fever is that high or you’re just that unwell it doesn’t matter anymore you’re just upset. For cyno i feel like he’d be crying a lot of frustration tears too?? Like at first he’s just upset cuz he thinks nari is mad and every insecurity he has ever had is so raw and loud right now and then he’s crying AND THEN he’s upset, because he got upset! And now he’s crying because he is embarrassed he started crying and he just can’t figure out why he’s crying so much and ‘I can’t ever do my job again cuz I just can’t calm down’ full on spiral. I love this especially when the caretaker takes a clinical calming approach, helps them focus on breathing, and explains “baby, you’re sick. You have a high fever, and sometimes fevers can make our emotions yada yada whatever” and then like, tries to get them to have some water or just holds them.

I also feel like Cyno would start out trying really hard to keep it together and it would result in him just pouting? Like after nari assured him he isn’t mad or however that plays out, nari can see he’s still upset. And he’s trying to not let it show, but the second Tighnari asks him if he’s okay, the tears instantly pool, and he can’t really explain why? 🥺

I will die on the Cynos love language is physical touch hill with pride. He probably didn’t realize it till later in life but he wants to be held. He wants to feel safe. He likes deep pressure and hands in his hair and he wants to be compressed (I may be projecting but whatever)

NIGHTMARES!!! I also am very much sold on the idea that feverish Cyno has wild fucking dreams. Some fueled by his past ofc, but ALSO I’m thinking about you AMAZING fic where Cyno wouldn’t sleep cuz of anxiety and general fears that he’s a monster and will one day hurt tighnari. I feel like, he’d wake up just in pure, sick, panic cuz he dreamt that Tighnari was sick or hurt or killed or whatever and he couldn’t help him, no matter what. So he wakes up confused and scared cuz maybe nari stepped out, or something. Idk I love the idea of his fever brain being more concerned for nari and forgetting that he’s the one sick.

now for some more physical tropes

when an already congested character cries so much they just get MORE congested. Also as someone who eyes have swelled shut after crying too much I am biased to that as well. Like you cry fall asleep and then wake up just blind 🤣 OH and post crying sinus headaches

there’s also throwing up from said panic- or from crying which we have already seen a bit with Cyno in your other work as well. So we know for a fact that fear and anxiety makes him sick to his stomach 👀

self soothing?? Like when asleep, to they rock themselves, or rub their hair between their fingers or try and get really small and tight. I’m not sure if this fits for Cyno but I feel like there’s potential possibly from years of having to deal with illness as a baby on his own.

glassy, watery eyes, whimpers, dehydration from too much crying. Body aches, from flu but also from exhaustion. All wonderful things imo

AND the caretaker- when sickie is emotional it’s so so good when they talk them through whatever it is they are doing next. Even if it’s just to ground them. Cyno is probably used to the silent treatment from his childhood. So after nari gets him to settle I imagine Tighnari just, calmly talking to him or explaining what he’s doing next, or why he’s feeling what he’s feeling or what plant he found etc would really help remind cyno that he’s not being abandoned and no nari isn’t mad at him. oh!!! And last thing- I think- when the emotional sickie, gets upset AGAIN but this time it’s because they are overwhelmed with affection and are just, so grateful for their loved ones that they don’t know what to do. they finally feel they are safe and loved and then they cry all over again lmao

That’s all…..for now 😈

HELP I am!!!! So on board with all of this oml this is incredible!!!!!!!!!

Fear of failure fits Cyno SO well and like! I think it's in a bit of an unconventional way? He's not sensitive to just anyone deeming him as having failed. He genuinely doesn't care what most people think (based on him resigning from his position in canon to do The Right Thing according to his own beliefs). It's only the people who's opinions he values and respects (...Tighnari. also Collei. I could see him getting really sappy over accidentally doing something to upset Collei when he's sick. Or perceiving that he's not been good enough to her etc etc). And I think with Tighnari it's like. He values his opinion so highly, the absolute last thing he wants is to disappoint him.

Irrational sickies, so cuteeeee. My brain connected this one to the nightmare one and like. I just had this thought of. Tighnari is used to Cyno having these really intense, traumatic nightmares. So when he's sick and has a bad dream, Tighnari is thinking in that direction. But then it comes out that Cyno's dream was actually reliving the moment from earlier that night, where he asked if Nari was mad at him, except in the dream he actually was??? And now he just. Won't be convinced otherwise.

Fully agree about the point on physical touch!! Characters who were either overly manhandled or received little to no affectionate physical touch as children (OR BOTH, which may well be the case for Cyno) growing into touch starved adults >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Honestly, I need to write more of Cyno pouting. Thank you for reminding me and motivating me with such a lovely image of him tearing up and not knowing why, I adore that!!

Ugh yes I always lean in the direction of throwing up from crying because that's how my brain is wired, but I love these sinus/eyes/muscle achey consequences too!!! Like. Baby omg </3

Uhm. The self-soothing point. Is one of my favorite things. I had never put a name to it but!!!!!!! I'm so glad you put it into words!!! I DO think this can fit for Cyno, although I imagine it comes up a lot less when Nari's around because he's always going to reach for him first (re: touch as Cyno's love language). If Nari steps out, maybe he comes back and Cyno's hugging himself because he couldn't hug Nari. It might come up more with another caretaker - Collei, Alhaitham. Maybe Kaveh but I like them being cuddly with each other, too. OH the thought of Tighnari coming to help out and finding Cyno self-soothing, all curled up really tight, and knowing he's resorted to that only because Nari wasn't there sooner and Cyno doesn't trust anyone else enough to get close when he's feeling really bad????? *cries*

And yess!!!!! Caregiver communication is so good, especially with the context you gave of a possible history of silent treatment. Yeah. Like. Cyno having been experimented on as a little one, not being told anything, and just silently enduring because getting upset would make things worse. Maybe when he's really feeling awful he tries to hold the emotion in because he doesn't want to get in trouble for it, but Nari picks up on it and is so gentle and reassuring and good at opening that door of two-way communication. Reminding Cyno that he's here to care for him, and also that Cyno's bodily autonomy is going to be respected </3 and then the comfort cryyyyy freaking. Ugh. He's hugging Tighnari and suddenly Nari's shoulder is wet and he's worried, starts to pull away but Cyno just squeezes him tighter and whispers "thank you." Nari gets it, then, and he just holds him and lets him cry it out.

(Also we must have some kind of psychic connection because the next scene I had written was Cyno waking up from a nightmare and getting upset because he doesn't feel right 😂 Idk if that fits the irrational sickie trope exactly but like!!! Close enough lol)

This is all. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! Just so fantastic!!! Thank you so much!! For sharing all of this with me!!!!!!!!! Genuinely made my night <333 I see that "for now" and :DDD Please feel free to continue or share other headcanons/tropes/etc. whenever you wish!!!!

[justsome-di]

Nobody Ends Up Dead in a Bathtub, Everyone Keeps Their Organs: Chapter 26

Summary: Alex is an ordinary, highly-introverted office worker. He clocks in and out and goes home to his little apartment he shares with his younger sister. He hasn’t dated in years by the time his co-workers set him up on a blind date.

The only issue is he and his date are not on the same page. At all.

While Alex thinks it’s a normal date, Damián is under the impression Alex is a client who paid to be there. No-so-quickly, they realize something is up. It’s all a prank. Damián is a sex worker Alex’s co-workers hired as a sick joke.

After reassuring that they’re both okay, Alex decides he wants revenge for both him and Damián. The plan is to use the stigma of sex work and start a 6-week, scandalous fake dating scheme with a big finale at the office Halloween party. Alex’s co-workers will be too horrified to try to prank him again. At least, that’s the plan.

You can also read this on AO3. If you don’t want to wait for new chapters, the complete story is on Patreon for only $4 with bonus stories! If you’re enjoying the story and want to support me in other ways, consider dropping me a message in my inbox or reblogging this post!

Damián was at a total loss as to why Leo was acting too cruel.

Alex was far too timid to stand up for himself, and maybe that was why Leo found him to be an easy target. He had never considered his baby brother of having the capabilities of a bully. But was it really any different than how they were raised—the things that had been normal to them? Their father, the shrewd businessman. Their mother, the wannabe socialite who established her place in New York society as a catty woman in constant competition with all the other catty women.

Damián would have thought Leo was above all that. That he had learned a little empathy on his own. Enough to not target the first person he didn’t like.

Leo took Eve’s plate, and Damián took Alex’s. As he did so, he laid his hand on Alex’s back. Just for a second. Just to try to give him a little comfort through a little touch.

Leo began rinsing the plates, frowning at the little remnants of rice that were washed down the drain. He passed each clean plate to Damián who loaded them into the dishwasher.

“Damián,” Eve said. “I like your crop top.”

He knew it was her trying to desperately ease the tension and change the subject. It was kind of her. He would help her.

Damián spun on his heel and pressed his hands into his hips. Alex glanced up and laughed.

“Thank you,” Damián said. “I’m going to singlehandedly bring back crop tops for men.”

“They’re already back,” Eve said. “Literally everyone is wearing them.”

“’Literally everyone?’ I haven’t seen ‘literally everyone’ wear crop tops.”

“It’s because you’re probably too old to see everyone wearing them.”

Damián rolled his eyes, hard. “Where are all these youths wearing crop tops? Where are they hiding?”

“It’s all over TikTok. But you wouldn’t know.” Eve shrugged. “It’s young people stuff, and you probably still use Facebook or something.”

“TikTok? No, I have no idea what TikTok is.” Damián tapped a fork against the palm of his hand. “Never heard of it.”

Eve laughed. It made Alex laugh as well, and Damián was sure he could hear a little snort from Leo.

“It’s an app for young people,” Eve said.

“Teach me, an elderly man, about TikTok.”

“I don’t think I can. It’d be too hard. It’s just the generation gap. You’re a millennial, and I’m gen z.”

“Okay,” Damián said, sobering up. “First of all, ew. I thought gen z were all in high school.”

“I was born in 2003.”

Damián’s mouth opened in genuine shock and gagged. It was hard for Damián to think about how much time had passed since he was Eve’s age—or Leo’s age. It was a very normal anxiety, he knew. Everyone stressed about the inevitable passage of time especially as they hit milestones like entering their 30s.

“I was born in the 90s,” Damián said. “I was 11 when you were born.”

“Alex was born in the 80s. He’s ancient.”

“I was born in ‘89,” Alex said. “Late ‘89. I’m not ancient. But I was in high school when you were born, and that was weird.”

“You couldn’t have been the only one with a baby sibling in high school,” Damián said.

“I wasn’t. But it was weird to go to school and then come home to a baby that would bite me all the time.”

“She bit you? Eve, you bit him?”

“I didn’t have teeth,” Eve said. “So it was more like a gentle gumming.”

Leo made a sound of disgust. Damián leaned against the counter and tried to catch a glimpse of his face. He was still rinsing off dishes, making a bigger effort to get every speckle of food off every fork tine than he had to. The anger Damián had felt towards him had faded. It was his biggest weakness. He couldn’t hold a grudge. Especially against Leo. He was forgiving to a fault.

“I was nine when Leo was born,” Damián said. “I loved him.”

“Don’t tell them any stories,” Leo said.

Damián threw his arms around Leo. “When he was born, I called him ‘my baby.’ We couldn’t be separated.”

There was a dull pang as Leo stabbed Damián in the bicep with a fork. Damián pulled himself away.

“Ow, you fucking brat!” Damián snapped.

“Don’t strangle me.”

“I wasn’t strangling you. It was a hug. Why don’t you love me?”

“Jesus fucking Christ.”

Damián refused to let himself get angry again. “Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t!” Leo turned to Alex. “This is what you’re getting yourself into. He’s clingy and a drama queen.”

Alex’s face flushed. Damián stood dumb-struck as well. Did Leo think they were dating? Or think they were headed down that path?

Damián hated the word “dating.” It felt juvenile. He hated going on dates when they were genuine. To him, there was no way to say he was going on a “date” with dignity. He always felt like a high schooler again, meeting up with some girl after school—which only resurfaced more feelings of being hurt and confused and scared.

Sure, he slept with Alex. Sure, there were those feelings that made his tummy flip when he saw Alex.

He pivoted the conversation. He deflected.

“I loved Leo even when he ripped up my Princess Di Beanie Baby,” he said.

Alex’s stunned look turned to one of bemusement.

“You had a Princess Di Beanie Baby?” Eve asked. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “So, did you have to come out to your family or did it just go unsaid?”

Damián barked out a shocked laugh. ���I mean, that probably should have been our first hint. I did keep her in one of those special Beanie Baby cases.”

“A what?” Eve asked.

“She didn’t grow up during the Beanie Baby craze,” Alex explained. “She doesn’t know what that is. Eve, have you even seen a Beanie Baby before?”

“Yes!” Eve said, defensive. “I’ve seen them. They’re on TV and stuff.”

“I mean in real life.”

“TV is kinda like real life.”

“It absolutely is not.”

“Do you want to see one in-person?” Damián pressed his hands to cheeks. His time had come. This was a perfect distraction for everyone. “I’ll be right back.”

He sprinted from the room. Behind him, he could hear Leo complaining. The dishwasher door closed with more force than necessary.

In his bedroom, on a shelf, sat a handful of Beanie Babies.

His prized possession, stitched back up by his mother, sat in her plastic case. The generic purple bear with a white rose had seen better days, but Damián had loved her since he got her from a secondhand store years after Princess Diana had died.

He took her case off the shelf and grabbed the others. Spunky, Zip, and Seaweed. Leo was rambling about how dramatic Damián was over his ‘90s memorabilia when Damián returned and laid them on the table. Alex looked at him with a soft smile.

Eve picked up the snail. “What was so special about them?”

“Nothing,” Alex said. He picked up the Princess Bear. “They were cute and collectible, and people thought they’d get rich off of them.”

“I still think I could make some money in a few years,” Damián said.

“You won’t,” Alex said.

“I think you got scammed as an 8-year-old,” Leo agreed.

“Okay, well, when I’m in my mansion with my Beanie Babies money, none of you are invited,” Damián said.

Alex was examining the stitching along the arm and neck of the Princess Bear. It was well done. Damián’s mother was talented in all homemaking skills. She could cook, clean, and sew anything back together—which came in handy considering she had two sons who were a bit rough with their belongings. But the stitch on the Beanie Baby was puckered up like an old scar along its original seam.

“How did you rip this, Leo?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know. I was two,” Leo said.

“He did it with his grubby, little toddler hands,” Damián said. “I was inconsolable. I came home, and she was laying in my room with her beans spilling out. They were everywhere. It was a crime scene.”

“Aw. Poor Diana. She never caught a break.”

Alex gently set her back down in her clear plastic cube. He made sure she was sitting up as best as she could and stroked the top of her head. Damián was touched.

Eve, meanwhile, held the snail above her head and let it drop to the table with a satisfying plop. Damián gasped in feigned-heightened scandal.

“Don’t do that to Swirly!” he said.

“To fucking whom?”

Alex swatted Eve with the back of his hand. “He obviously cares about them. Don’t trash them.”

He shook Swirly out and laid him back down in his normal shape. Leo shoved the toys out of his way. The little ones might as well have torn Damián’s heart out and thrown it out the window.

“Eve, do you want to keep studying?” Leo asked.

Eve groaned. “I guess. Damián, can I keep Swiper as a study buddy?”

“His name is Swirly, and yes. But if you drop him to his death again, I’m confiscating him.”

“I think they’re pretty impressive,” Alex said. “I think it’s cool you took care of something for so long.”

Damián grabbed his hand and tugged him into the living room. “If you think those are impressive, check out my plants.”

He toured Alex through his houseplants. The monstera, the succulents, the ivy. And then there was his real pride.

Damián presented his marigolds with two hands. Every year, he bought a new plant just to keep up somewhat with some kind of tradition. His abuela had always bought marigolds at the end of October. She tended to them dutifully. Some years she even asked Damián to help her tend to them. She guided his hands to water them and pluck off dead petals and leaves.  

They were her most prized flowers every year. She kept them inside just like he did. New York autumns weren’t kind to them. Just like her, she said, as she got older. But that was alright. She always had her flowers inside with her to brave out the weather until spring came again.

Damián bought his own from a little, busy nursery outside of town. His first year, it was an act of defiance. He was nervous and shaky and had a wad of cash and coins he had saved up for months. He returned home, to his dark, tiny apartment, and laid them out where his roommates wouldn’t knock them over.

He tended to them as he remembered his grandmother doing. They flourished. And he felt a little acceptance from the universe with that. If he could keep marigolds alive all by himself, he didn’t really need his family after all.

“Nice,” Alex said. “They’re pretty.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“They’re… a nice orange. And… round. Impressively round.”

“Do you know how many old women’s elbows I had to endure to get to this one? It’s symmetrical! It’s full. This was one of the best plants they had.”

“Not the very best?”

“Those grandmothers are fierce.”

Really, he had patiently waited for all of the elderly women around him to take their pick first. He even, somehow, got roped into carrying one out to a particularly old women’s car. She shouldn’t have been driving at all, he thought, when he watched her run the stop sign on her way out of the nursery’s parking lot.

“They really are nice,” Alex said. “I just don’t know a lot about plants.”

He reached out and brushed a flower with his fingers tips. He was just as gentle as he was with Damián’s Beanie Babies. Maybe Alex was just a gentle person, careful around everything that needed a little extra love and care.

He was so delightfully small himself, it would make sense that he understood that some things needed special care. And that made Damián want to take special care of Alex. He was like one of his Beanie Babies. Like his Princess Di bear that needed extra love. Damián wanted to put Alex on his shelf with a protective clear box around him.

I’m deranged, Damián thought. I need to get out of the apartment.

Damián looked back at Eve and Leo. Their heads were bent over the table. Eve was focused on her paper, and Leo was focused on her.

“Do you want to give them some space?” Damián asked. “Let them have quiet to study?”

“Yeah, sure. Did you have a place in mind?”

Alex agreed quickly. Success! Damián was waving a leaf of lettuce in front of that little turtle’s shell, and his head was sticking right out.

Damián screwed up his mouth. Not a single thing came to mind. A club wouldn’t be good on a weekday. They could see a movie, but Damián wasn’t sure if there was anything playing in theaters that was appealing. There were a hundred other things to do in the biggest city in the country, but nothing Damián wanted to do with Alex.

Alex was on his phone. “I wish museums were still open. I could pretend I was sophisticated in front of you.”

A museum would have been fun. They could have walked around in the quiet for a while, commenting on everything. The art or artifacts or whatever they were seeing depended on the museum.

But museums had all closed hours ago. Most of them, at least. There was at least one that Damián knew of that would have been open for a while longer.

“Oh!” Damián grabbed Alex’s arm. “Have you ever been to the Museum of Sex?”

“No.”

“Do you want to go? I know they’re still open. You can say no if you want.”

“We can go! It sounds… neat.”

“It’s very neat. But if you want to leave at any time, let me know.”

They told Leo and Eve that they were leaving and were barely acknowledged. Eve continued working through a problem Leo had chosen for her. Leo nodded at them before taking Eve’s pencil from her hand and correcting her current step. His explanation was gentle. She was overthinking the problem. It wasn’t going to take as long to solve it as she thought.

Damián called the Uber and bought their tickets on their website, and they were on their way.

[1358456]

Pokemon Nicknames

So, Yakuza 8 is right around the corner. And instead of excitement, I feel... anxiety and dread. So to distract myself, I finally took a look at my Ultra Moon version, after spending a while trying to find the thing.

This is something I wanted to do for a while. The last time I played the thing was before I went away the first time, back before the Switch Pikachu/Eevee games came out. So it’s been a few years. Thus it’s time to take a look at all my level 100 Pokémon, check out what nicknames I gave those things, and try to remember why I gave them those names. … This is going to take a while. It’s going to be a LONG post. Even though this is the “filtered” listing that only counts my Pokémon in Ultra Moon, as I left a ton of stuff behind in ORAS, a bunch in Moon for breeding, and in the Pokémon Bank that’s probably been deleted by now. I’m missing a ton of stuff in Ultra Moon. Like… I used to have a shiny IV 31 all Adamant Articuno. And a shiny Mantine named Hierarch. But I don’t see those here in Ultra Moon. Fortunately, I think vast majority of those left behind are repeats or redundant versions of existing Pokémon. … Except for Mantine. Wonder where that went, and why… Though a better question might be why I even made a Mantine in the first place.

I used to arrange my level 100 Pokémon in the order they reached level 100, but at some point before XY, I changed it so that they’re arranged in the boxes by numerical order in primary typing. It made things a lot easier for finding stuff for friendly battles. And it became the ONE time where same type combinations with different type orders actually came into effect. Like… a Golem is Rock/Ground, thus is in the Rock box. Rhyperior is Ground/Rock, thus is in the Ground box. … Did you know that the Rhyhorn line is Ground type first?

Anyways. Here we go. The format is simple. “Pokémon: Nickname (S for shiny). Reasoning/comment.” For example: “Emboar: Manbearpig (S). It looks like a half man, half bear, and half pig.” And those that don’t have nicknames would be listed afterwards. For example: “None: Regigigas x2 (S x2).”

Normal

Pidgeot: Vengeance (S). … I don’t remember why I called it this. Maybe because it has a Mega, and so it’s the revenge of the original bird?

Raticate: Zergling (S). Starcraft unit. Zerg Zergling. Weak, cheap, fast, melee attacker. But when you see one, there’s about a million more somewhere nearby, probably underground. Kind of suitable for a rat in the Pokémon world. After all, Rattata and Raticate are EVERYWHERE.

Chansey: Egg Block. … Eviolite wall, so... I guess that's suitable? I'm surprised I didn't call it Lurker Egg. Using Lurker Eggs to wall off ramps is an actual thing, and Lurker Eggs are near invulnerable, especially on high ground.

Kangaskhan: Foresight (S). I think it’s a Pokémon Special reference, how Kangaskhan in Generation I could hit a Ghost type back then, back before it got Scrappy.

Ditto: Infestor. Starcraft 2 unit. Zerg Infestor. I think a Zerg Changeling would fit the best, given Ditto’s shape and behavior. But Imposter Ditto copies an opponent immediately, and with Choice Scarf, would kill the target first and be a threat to the next Pokémon. So effectively, the Ditto steals the opponent’s Pokémon. Like a Zerg Infestor with Neural Parasite, which takes control of a targeted enemy unit for about 7 seconds. It somehow works on a capital ship or purely robotic units because game balance reasons. “Assimilation successful.” That line from Destiny is copied from the targets that are hit by Neural Parasite. “Assimilation successful. Awaiting directives. I obey. For the Swarm.” When an Infestor uses Neural Parasite, it extends out a tentacle, which is also why in Destiny, Zygarde uses a tentacle for mind control.

Ursaring: Grizzly (S). … Real creative. I also probably picked that name because it’s a Halo Wars unit. There are a few of those.

Porygon2: Console (S). Computer based names for the Porygon line. At least for those that I bothered naming.

Blissey: Ignorance (S). Ignorance is bliss.

Swellow: Coconut (S). “What, a swallow, carrying a coconut?!”

Slaking: Guerilla (S). … Guerilla the gorilla??

Staraptor: Scourge (S). Starcraft unit. Zerg Scourge. Fast aerial suicide unit with no defenses. … That explains the Reckless Staraptor with Life Orb and recoil moves. Too bad Staraptor isn’t that fast.

Lopunny: Pink Fury (S). Heh. Shiny one is pink, I guess.

Lickilicky: Alberto (S). … I have a Lickilicky? Hm. … I think this is a Pokémon Movie 10 reference.

Porygon Z x3: Virus, Windows 8, Windows Z (S x3). More computer based names.

Cinccino: Mint Slap (S). … ??? I guess it slaps a lot with Skill Link?

Braviary: Wargle (S). … I think that’s just the JP name.

Type: Null: Type: Normal. … The one Pokémon that ruins my format for this post, but… I see why I named it this. I’ve faced Pokémon with no types before, and this ain’t one of them.

None: Tauros, Snorlax (S), Porygon2, Stantler (S), Zangoose (S), Ambipom (S), Regigigas x2 (S x2), Arceus, Stoutland (S), Bouffalant (S), Meloetta x2.

… I have a Stoutland and Bouffalant, apparently. I forgot that Bouffalant was a thing until today. I’m surprised I didn’t call it Afro Bull. It's a buffalo, but whatever. Afro Buff? If I had to give it a name now I’d probably call it Punch Perm, since that’s what Kasuga Ichiban from Yakuza 7 tries to get but the stylist messes it up so he ends up with an afro. “Hey miss, what have you done? This… isn’t a punch perm, isn’t it?!”

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Poison

Muk: Frank (S). … The Simpsons reference? Frank Grimes?

Crobat x2: Blackbat, Bat Boy (S). … I… have no idea. A Crobat is purple, not black, and the shiny one is pink…

Drapion: Brutalisk (S). Starcraft 2 campaign unit. Zerg Brutalisk. I guess Drapion kind of looks like one.

Toxapex: Spine Bunker. … A mix of Zerg Spine Crawler and a Terran Bunker? Or just a bunker with spines coming out of it? I probably should've called it Mophead.

None: Nidoking (S), Dragalge (S), Toxapex, Salazzle, Naganadel x2 (S).

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Fire

Charizard x3: Firebat, Charred, Hellbat (S x2). Terran Firebat, Starcraft unit. Terran Hellbat, Stacraft 2 unit. Both of which are usually horrible in most situations. But suitable for a Fire type with vague bat-like features?

Ninetales: Firefox (S). … Internet browser.

Arcanine: Windfury (S). I think its JP name is Windie?

Rapidash: Burnout (S). … I have a Rapidash? … ??? I guess the shiny is kind of like burnt out ash?

Flareon: Booster (S). I think I named all the Eevee Evolutions with their JP names.

Typhlosion: Ragnaros. Ah yes. My brother’s damned Eruption All-in Typhlosion. I got blasted by this thing so many times I had to make my own. Behold, Ragnaros the Firelord! … This thing was real useful in BP farming in the last Battle Frontier that had Triple Battle format. 200 wins in a row without losing once.

Blaziken: Devastator (S). … The removed Devastator Missiles upgrade for the Terran Missile Turret in Starcraft 2 Wings of Liberty campaign?

Camerupt: Lava Bomb (S). … I have one of these, huh? Heh.

Torkoal: Furnace (S). … Same as above.

Infernape x2: Hellstorm x2 (S x2). Hellstorm Battery upgrade for the Terran Missile Turret in Starcraft 2 Wings of Liberty campaign. … Why do I have two with the same name, but one’s Jolly and the other is Timid? Hmm… I did notice that I use repeat nicknames quite a bit. Well, given how many Pokémon are in these boxes, I can’t be bothered to give them all super unique names. Especially for those that I don't use.

Magmortar: Pyrocannon (S). I… guess that’s suitable? Though Firebat might’ve been a better name since Terran Firebats also shoot flames from their “hands” (wrist-mounted gauntlets). If I can call a Swellow, an Exeggutor, and an Exeggutor-Alola all as "Coconut", then I think I can call a Charizard and a Magmortar as "Firebat".

Emboar: Manbearpig (S). Just like in the example. Half man, half bear, half pig.

Darmanitan: Hideyoshi (S). The V shaped fire eyebrow reminded me of the medieval Japanese helmet crest things, which reminded me of Toyotomi Hideyoshi, the guy who unified the warring states era Japan in 1590, and then immediately attacked Korea in 1592.

Talonflame: Phoenix. Starcraft 2 unit. Protoss Phoenix. Very fast “air superiority” fighter that can barely fight air units that aren’t Mutalisks. Suitable for a Talonflame that has mediocre offenses but is very fast. … And is a fiery bird.

Blacephalon: Doink. … I think my “brother” named this for me.

None: Marowak-Alola (S), Moltres (S), Entei (S), Ho-oh x2 (S x2), Blaziken, Infernape, Heatran (S), Arceus-Fire, Emboar, Delphox, Talonflame (S), Volcanion, Incineroar x2.

Huh. I wonder where my Dream World RNG Ho-oh went. Those can't be shiny.

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Ice

Sandslash-Alola: Iceslash. … Ha ha ha.

Jynx: Aberration (S). … That’s kind of a rude nickname. … Also, Starcraft 2 campaign unit. Zerg Aberration. “What is that… thing? Was it human?”

Glalie x2: Icy Eyes, Lurker (S x2). Shiny Glalie only has its eye color changed. So I see changed eyes, thus… Icy… Eyes. … Oh, and Lurker, Starcraft unit. Zerg Lurker. Mega Glalie’s unhinged jaws reminded me of the Brood War Lurker’s portrait.

Glaceon x2: Glacia x2 (S x2). One’s Timid for Scarf shenanigans, one’s Modest for modest bulk.

Mamoswine: Mammoth (S). … Real original. Also, Halo 4’s mobile base “vehicle”. A bigger, slower, fatter Elephant with a MAC gun. Ironically, the Mammoth here is faster than the thing I named Elephant.

Froslass: Frostbolt (S). Knows Ice Beam and Thunderbolt, so frost and bolt.

Vanilluxe: SundaeCone (S). … Because it’s a sundae and a cone (and a straw stuck in the brain).

None: Ninetales-Alola, Articuno (S), Walrein (S), Regice x3 (S x3), Cryogonal (S).

I think that Walrein is from Generation IV when I abused Acid Rain...

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Water

Blastoise: Thor (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Terran Thor. A big ass mech loaded up with cannons and missile pods, on the arms and the back. Just like a Mega Blastoise. “I could aim, but with this thing, I don’t have to.”

Golduck: Zombie (S). Pokémon Special reference. Zombie Psyduck?

Tentacruel: GlitchCity (S). I believe I mentioned this in my Yellow version run.

Slowbro: Devourer (S). Starcraft unit. Zerg Devourer. Not exactly similar to a Slowbro, but the Mega Slowbro has the Shellder devouring the host Slowpoke, so… sure. Why not.

Cloyster: Clampearl (S). … Sure. Why not. Better than a Clamperl that didn’t spell “pearl” properly. I know I used to have one named Clamps, which was a Futurama reference. Wonder what happened to that Cloyster…

Starmie: Beacon (S). The core is a beacon that blinks, apparently, so sure. I remember considering naming it as Mothership after the Starcraft 2 unit. But a Starmie was too good for that name. If I had to pick a name now, I’d probably call it “Q”. The 44Hy glitch Pokémon has the same Dex number as a Slowbro, and its evolution glitch Pokémon Q has the same Dex number as Starmie.

Gyarados x2: Rampant, Denial (S x2). Rampant because it likes to rampage, and Denial because it’s not a Dragon and will never be, but it’s in denial. If I had to name it now, I’d probably call it either Dragonfish or Kasuga, since Kasuga Ichiban from Yakuza 7 has a Dragonfish on his back and it’s basically a Gyarados. And it still ain’t a dragon. “A fresh-faced punk like me can’t go casually rocking a dragon.”

Lapras: Loch Ness (S). Based on that monster that sounds like a plesiosaur.

Vaporeon: Showers (S). Just like all the others.

Azumarill: Chopper (S). … Didn’t Crystal’s mother have a Marill helicopter?

Politoed: Neptulon (S). Neptulon the Tide Hunter?

Octillery: SecWind (S). … Holy crap, is that a Fortress 2 Blue reference? I haven’t seen or heard anything of that game in like… 23 years. … SecWind was the octopus tank, I think, hence the nickname…

Kingdra: Vortex (S). Starcraft 2 ability… or was before it was removed. Protoss Mothership used to have the Vortex ability that everyone complained about being too strong. Now the Mothership is just a total waste of time and resources. … Oh, and Kingdra’s Dex data says that it creates a vortex when it yawns or something.

Pelipper: Cement (S). … I think there was a cartoon somewhere that used a pelican as a cement mixer of some sort. I don’t know.

Sharpedo: Jaws (S). … Real creative.

Crawdaunt: CorpseFish (S). … Because of its pre-evolution form.

Huntail: Shellfang (S). … Because it used to have shells as a Clamperl but now it has fangs?

Gorebyss: Sakura (S). I think its JP name is Sakurabyss or something?

Empoleon: Augustus (S). Emperor penguin, thus first western emperor.

Floatzel: Burn Mark (S). … Oh, I remember this reference. It’s a dark, messed up tale.

Samurott: Ultralisk (S). Starcraft unit. Zerg Ultralisk. Big, bulky, surprisingly fast melee unit. … But this one is Modest, so it’s NOT a physical attacker. … ??? I know I used to have an Adamant one, but I guess that one’s lost in the bank now.

Seismitoed: Puddler (S). … Pfft…

Jellicent: Pringles (S). … I think it’s pretty clear why…

Greninja: Nightingale (S). … The bird, the nurse, or the anti-ninja flooring? Heh. “Nightingales. It’s called a nightingale floor. Protection against ninjas.”

Wishiwashi: Swarmling. Starcraft 2 Heart of the Swarm campaign unit. Zerg Zergling, Swarmling strain. Morphs almost instantly, comes in 3s instead of 2s. Useful for insta-swarming enemies. Suitable for Wishiwashi, especially since Swarmlings suck ass.

Bruxish: W.T.Fish. … I think my thoughts on this Pokémon are pretty clear.

None: Blastoise (S), Kingler (S), Feraligatr, Suicune x2 (S), Swampert (S), Milotic x2 (S x2), Kyogre (S), Palkia (S), Manaphy (S), Arceus-Water, Carracosta (S), Keldeo, Primarina, Araquanid, Tapu Fini x2.

I think I stopped caring about the game before the shiny Tapus other than Koko were released? Hmm. Oh well. … And I had a Carracosta? Huh.

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Ground

Sandslash: Lurker (S). Starcraft unit. Zerg Lurker. Burrows underground to attack with seismic spines. And I guess the Starcraft 2 Lurkers kind of look like a Sandslash? At least more than the Brood War one.

Dugtrio-Alola: Iron Hair. … Steel type. Hair.

Marowak: Ghost (S). Generation I Pokémon Tower reference. Not the Starcraft unit. That reference is for the other “Ghost”.

Donphan: Elephant (S). … Sigh. Definitely called it this because of the Halo 3 vehicle. “Press X to flip… wait, what? How did you do that?”

Flygon: Spirit (S). I believe the Dex data says that Flygon is sometimes referred to as a desert spirit?

Claydol: Possessed (S). … I guess it’s a possessed doll?

Rhyperior: Rhino (S). … Let’s just say that it’s because of a Halo Wars vehicle.

Gliscor x2: Scorpion x2 (S x2). … Halo’s Scorpion tanks. I named both of them the same because I guess I didn’t know what else to call them.

Excadrill x2: Impaler, Ravager (S x2). Zerg Impaler. Starcraft 2 Heart of the Swarm campaign unit, alternate to the Lurker. Burrows to attack, hits a single target like a truck. Zerg Ravager. Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void unit. … Not really related to Excadrill. Hmm…

Krookodile x2: SandBandit, Crocolisk (S x2). Apparently I have 3 of these, one of which is not named. F*ck that one, I guess.

Mudsdale: The Slow One. Ah yes. My thoughts on this horse once I saw the stats after the blind playthrough. “That is one slow ass horse.”

None: Dugtrio (S), Groudon x2 (S x2), Hippowdon (S), Krookodile (S), Landorus x2 (S).

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Flying

Noivern x2: Dusk Wings, Night Wolf. Both Starcraft 2 campaign units. Dusk Wings are the standard mercenary variants of the Terran Banshee, and Night Wolf is the Mengsk Elite variant of the Terran Banshee. … Noivern is pretty unrelated to a Banshee though. Banshee is not that fast (without Hyperflight Rotors), and can cloak to become invisible, and it hits really hard. Noivern doesn’t hit that hard.

None: Arceus-Flying, Tornadus x2.

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Electric

Raichu x2: Static, Marine (S x2). The Static one doesn’t have Static. … Marine because… Starcraft unit. Terran Marine. Slow, no durability, cheap unit with one of the highest DPS per cost with stim. I believe I gave that name to a Light Ball Pikachu, but the Light Ball didn’t survive the generational transfer, so the Pikachu got turned into a Raichu. If I had to name it now, I'd probably name it after another random Pokémon, referring to how I keep merging Pikachu with another Pokémon in my recent Yellow version runs to create abominations. "Here's a... Pikachu shaped Mimikyu?"

Magneton x2: Nostalgia, Magnet (S x2). Ah, the nostalgia.

Electrode: Grenade. Because all it seems to do is blow up. I used to have a shiny one too. Wonder where that went. ... I guess it blew up?

Jolteon: Thunders (S). Same as all the others.

Amphaos: Prophecy (S). … I… think it’s because Ampharos’s JP name is Denryuu, which could refer to “electric dragon”, and many years later, it got a Mega that’s part Dragon type.

Manectric: Spark (S). Does not know Spark.

Luxray: Rontgen (S). The man who discovered X-rays. I think the actual name has an accented o, but I can’t use that in a Pokémon game… I think.

Magnezone: Platform (S). I guess… it’s like a floating platform?

Electivire: Extension (S). Its twin tail looks like an extension cord.

Rotom-Ice: Battery (S). Suitable for a Rotom.

None: Raichu-Alola (S), Zapdos (S), Raikou x2 (S x2), Magnezone, Eelektross x2 (S x2), Thundurus x2 (S), Tapu Koko x2 (S), Xurkitree x2, Zeraora.

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Grass

Venusaur: Mystery (S). It’s a mystery. … No, it’s not. JP name reference.

Victreebel: GoldenBell (S). Why do I have one?

Exeggutor: Coconut (S). A bit more suitable for this name than Swellow. Less funny though.

Exeggutor-Alola: Coconut (S). Same as above.

Meganium: Mega Peon (S). Crystal’s nickname for her Meganium, but slightly different.

Sunflora: Smiley (S). Why.

Sceptile: Insurance (S). Insurance gecko.

Breloom: Ember (S). I remember this pun. Hinoko vs. Kinoko. Ember vs. Mushroom.

Abomasnow: Frost Nova (S). Ehh…

Tangrowth: ROOT (S). ROOT gaming. E-sports team.

Leafeon: Leafia (S). Just like the others.

Whimsicott: Crawler (S). … I think it’s supposed to be Spore Crawler, but it didn’t fit. Zerg Spore Crawler. The anti-air “static” defense building for Zerg that can crawl around, hence the name. But that’s very unrelated to Whimsicott.

Amoonguss: Goomba (S). Gee. I wonder why.

Ferrothorn: Spike Ball (S). Genius.

Decidueye: Cedric (S). Cedric the Owl.

None: Vileplume (S), Torterra (S), Roserade (S), Cherrim (S), Shaymin (S), Serperior, Lilligant x2 (S x2), Virizion x2 (S x2), Chesnaught, Tapu Bulu, Kartana x2.

I thought I had a Serperior named Banana (because it looks like a peeling banana), but I think I replaced the shiny one with the Contrary one, and that one isn’t named. … And I have a lot of weird Grass types, probably because of Drought teams. ... And didn't I have a Cacturne named Li'l Prick? Hmm...

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Psychic

Alakazam: Marauder (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Terran Marauder. … Has nothing to do with Alakazam, however. So... why the hell did I...

Mr. Mime: Barrier (S). … It makes barriers.

Xatu: Fry (S). Futurama reference? The man who saw the past, present, and the future? Xatu’s lore is that it can see the past and the future at the same time or something.

Espeon: Eifi (S). Same as the others.

Wobbuffet: Sandbag (S). In Korea, punching bags are referred to as sandbags. It’s one of those English words that are not used in that sense by English speaking countries.

Gardevoir: Guardian (S). I think I used the same nickname in my Platinum version run on this Tumblr. Not related to the Starcraft unit. Zerg Guardian is a long ranged crab-shaped flyer. Looks nothing like Gardevoir.

Gallade x2: Zealot, Vanguard (S x2). Starcraft unit, Protoss Zealot. Strong, slow melee attacker that uses twin psi blades. And Vanguard… Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void campaign unit. Tal’darim variant of the Immortal. … I think the Gallade has the name Vanguard not because of the unit, but because of the word’s meaning.

Swoobat: Mutalisk (S). Starcraft unit. Zerg Mutalisk. A single Mutalisk is fast, very annoying, made of tissue paper, and can barely attack. But they are super annoying. Just like this bat.

Sigilyph x2: Chimecho?, Guardian (S x2). It’s supposed to be a guardian totem or something, and it looks like a Chimecho that’s seen some sh*t.

Gothitelle: VampireKid (S). South Park reference. “We’re Goth! We’re not freaking vampire kids!”

Reuniclus x2: Nuclear x2 (S x2). Modest one and a Quiet one. … Sure.

Beheeyem: Invasion (S). Pokémon version of an alien invasion? Heh.

Solgaleo x2: Solarite, Gateway. Solarite, the ultra “rare” resource from the Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void campaign. And Gateway, the Starcraft building. Protoss Gateway. Used to warp in non-robotic ground units. … Or used to, anyways. Solgaleo was given this name because of…

Lunala: Stargate. Starcraft building. Protoss Stargate. Used to warp in Protoss air units. This Lunala is the result of evolving Cosmog. And Cosmoem (or whatever its evolution form is called) looked like a Warp Stargate. And it’s fitting to give the name Stargate to something that has wings. Protoss has three unit production buildings: Gateway/Warp Gate, Stargate, and Robotics Facility. So if I named Lunala as Stargate, then Solgaleo has to be named Gateway. … I don’t think I can call anything Robotics Facility. And not just because of the length.

Necrozma-Sol: Ragnaros. The Lightlord variant.

Necrozma-Lun: Void Ray. Starcraft 2 unit. Protoss Void Ray. … I guess Photon Geyser is kind of like a Void Ray’s Prismatic Beam? … Not really, but just like how this Necrozma form came from a Lunala, a Void Ray comes out of a Stargate.

None: Mewtwo x2 (S x2), Mew x2 (S), Lugia x2 (S), Celebi, Deoxys x2, Uxie x2 (S x2), Mesprit x2 (S x2), Azelf x2 (S x2), Cresselia x2 (S x2), Victini x2, Hoopa x2, Tapu Lele x2.

Looks like I nicknamed every non-Legendary Psychic type. For the longest time, I didn’t nickname Legendary Pokémon, but I changed that late into Generation VI.

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Ghost

Gengar x2: Haunted, Ghost (S x2). … Haunted because of Haunter, and Ghost because of Haunter’s JP name. Wow. … Also, Starcraft unit. Terran Ghost. Sucked ass in Brood War, but is the most OP unit in Starcraft 2. Counters everything except Terran. Maybe suitable for a Mega Gengar given how its Shadow Tag is insanely useful against everything except other Ghost types.

Banette: Joker (S). … Because of Prankster upon going Mega?

Dusclops: Reaper (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Terran Reaper. … Um… Terran Reapers are very fast and mobile, and are made of wet tissue paper when used by anyone except Byun… and maybe Clem and Maru. Not suitable for a slow and bulky Dusclops that even has Eviolite, but the lore of Dusclops and Dusknoir…

Drifblim: Satellite (S). Another Pokémon Movie 10 reference?

Mismagius x2: Malice, Resentment (S x2). I guess these kinds of names are suitable for Ghost types. I’m pretty sure I used to have one named Banshee, after the Starcraft 2 unit.

Spiritomb: Preserver (S). … ??? I guess a Spiritomb in that keystone is like a preserves jar of... spirits? No idea.

Dusknoir: Reaper Man (S). I think that’s what Dusclops and Dusknoir are in the Pokémon world? “I thought I was signing up to be a Repo Man. Imagine my surprise.”

Cofagrigus: Jerky (S). Futurama reference. “This is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy!”

Chandelure: Dark Light (S). … Didn’t I name a DE chapter after this thing? Or is that the other way around? Hmm…

Trevenant: Unstumped. It’s a ghost of a tree stump that uprooted itself? I could’ve called it Spine Crawler… if it fit.

Gourgeist: Baneling. Starcraft 2 unit. Zerg Baneling. It rolls and explodes. … So why does this thing not have Explosion? Oh, I may have used this in a Ghost-only online tournament, so Explosion would've been dumb.

Palossand: Sandmahal. The Tajmahal, but with sand.

Mimikyu: Vorazun (S). Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void hero. Vorazun, the Matriarch of the Dark Templar. I guess I gave this that name because this one is female.

None: Giratina x3 (S x3), Dhelmise.

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Bug

Beedrill: Spear (S). JP name.

Venomoth: I SEE YOU (S). … Look at those big ass eyes.

Scyther: The Ace (S). Because I gave it Aerial Ace. I believe none of the “meta” builds give Scizor Aerial Ace, but I always gave it that move and it has done WONDERS. … I made the Scizor first, so when I made Scyther later, I gave it that name.

Pinsir: Meta Boost (S). Starcraft 2 and Red Bull joke. When you finish researching Metabolic Boost upgrade in the Zerg Spawning Pool, the Zerglings gain wings (aesthetics) and move faster. When Pinsir goes Mega, it gains wings and is a lot faster. So Meta Boost gives you wings.

Forretress: Fortress 2 (S). Another Fortress 2 Blue reference, just not nearly as clever.

Scizor: Strike (S). JP name.

Ninjask: Hokkaido (S). Splinter Cell Chaos Theory reference. The anti-ninja flooring and all ninja references in that game are in the Hokkaido level. “I knew it! I knew there were ninjas here!”

Vespiquen: Swarm Host (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Zerg Swarm Host. Spawns two free Locusts with timed life to attack. What better name to give to a Vespiquen that can order around a swarm of minions?

Yanmega: Viper (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Zerg Viper. An OP flying spellcaster that can somehow yank over Terran Battlecruisers and Protoss Motherships with its tongue. … Game balance reasons. Yanmega resembles one quite a lot.

Scolipede x2: Pandora, Defiler (S x2). Pandora… because of the JP name? And Defiler. Starcraft unit. Zerg Defiler. The most OP spellcaster to ever have existed in any RTS game. Fitting that the one named Defiler is a Toxic stall, like a Defiler with Plague and Dark Swarm.

Escavalier: Chargelot (S). Starcraft 2 unit nickname. Protoss Zealot, upon finishing the Charge upgrade from the Twilight Council, is referred to as a Chargelot.

Galvantula: Phobia (S). I hate spiders.

Durant: iAnt (S). … Iron ant? Maybe? Or maybe a joke at the iPad related stuff, given how this thing looks robotic?

Volcarona: Supernova (S). Starcraft 2 Wings of Liberty campaign mission. It was also the only sun-related thing I could come up with that seemed suitable for a sun-shaped Volcarona. … Does not know Explosion, however.

Vikavolt: Railgun. Kind of looks like one, hits like one.

Ribombee: Winter. … It has a scarf?

Golisopod: Cowardice (S). It runs away the moment it’s been slapped once.

Buzzwole: Hulkquito. … It’s a hulking mosquito.

None: Pinsir (S), Heracross x2 (S x2), Shedinja (S), Genesect x2 (S), Pheromosa x2.

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Rock

Golem: Jones (S). Indiana Jones reference.

Golem-Alola: Magnedude. Geodude, but… magnetic.

Kabutops: Hex 182 (S). Yellow version reference. Hex value, or Special stat, of 182 is used for the Kabutops fossil Missingno.

Aerodactyl x2: Hex 183 x2 (S x2). Same as above. Special stat 183 for Aerodactyl fossil Missingno.

Tyranitar x3: Leviathan, Immortal, Mythic (S x3). Leviathan… the Starcraft 2 Zerg “capital ship”? The 11 km long creature? Immortal… Starcraft 2 unit. Protoss Immortal. High durability, hits like a truck. Mythic… um… I think there was a Halo video maker named Mythic Tyrant?

Cradily: Uprooted (S). I… guess it’s a plant that moves?

Rampardos: Soft Skull (S). It has Head Smash. Does not have Rock Head.

Gigalith: Crystalisk (S). It looks like it’s made of crystal, and –lisk because… Zerg naming convention that I just used for this.

Archeops: Pansy (S). Hey, it’s that bird that turned out to be just a tiny bird and nothing else. It’s a Defeatist. Thus I call it pansy.

Barbaracle: Clump (S). … It’s a… clump of… something, I guess.

Tyrantrum: King Krush. It’s a big ass dinosaur that charges. … Has Head Smash with Rock Head.

Aurorus: Frosted. … ?

Minior: Starfall (S). It’s a shooting star.

Nihilego: Morbo. Futurama reference. Morbo the Annihilator. Nihilego, annihilator, whatever.

Stakataka: Sgt. Stacker. Halo reference, given the name. “I can see myself in your visor! … Pretty.”

None: Omastar (S), Armaldo (S), Regirock x3 (S x3), Arceus-Rock, Gigalith, Terrakion (S), Aurorus, Diancie x2 (S), Lycanroc.

If I had the option nowadays, I’d probably call Diancie one of the following: Artosis, Tasteless, Pylon, or Tastosis. It’d be a Starcraft and Pokémon Movie 17 joke. If I recall, Diancie goes through the entire plot of the movie because it didn't know how to construct additional Pylons. Even though there were workers and mineral fields everywhere. Did they lose the Nexus?

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Dragon

Dragonite x2: DragKnight, The Storm (S x2). Drag… sure. The Storm because it’s in a Drizzle team.

Altaria x2: Cottonball, Dreamhack (S x2). It looks like a ball of cotton upon going Mega. … Dreamhack? The E-sports tournament?

Salamence x4: Tempest, Ferocity, Temper, Carnage (S x4). Ferocity, Temper, and Carnage because of moves like Outrage and Thrash. Tempest… the Starcraft 2 unit. Protoss Tempest. A long range siege capital ship unit that sucks absolute ass after all those nerfs. But a Mega Salamence does resemble a Protoss Tempest. At least the wings do, anyways.

Garchomp x2: Reclaimer, Demolition (S x2). “I told you to upgrade your combat skin, reclaimer!”

Haxorus: Viking (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Terran Viking. Hits way too hard at way too long a range for its cost. … Haxorus is given that name because of the twin axes at its jaw, and that reminded me of Viking axes, I guess. So it's unrelated to the Terran flier that can land.

Kommo-o: Drakonid. If I had to give it a name now, I’d probably call it Komaki, the seemingly immortal old man from the Yakuza games who teaches Kiryu the techniques of the Komaki style, which is just the finer stuff of Kiryu’s Dragon style. Even has a similar name. While Kommo-o looks like it can pull off a Komaki Tiger Drop, I don’t think it can do a Komaki Dragon King Essence. I wonder if one day, we’ll see a Dragon type Pokémon that just looks like a dude. Martial arts dragon?

None: Latias x2 (S x2), Latios (S), Rayquaza x2 (S x2), Arceus-Dragon, Reshiram, Zekrom x2, Kyurem x2 (S x2), Goodra (S), Zygarde x2 (S x2).

The event Zygarde obviously couldn’t be named. If I could, I might have called it Infestor for Destiny reference reasons. Or Lego, since it’s a big thing built from little pieces. Maybe Assembly? I also remember a time when I had 4 Latias and 3 Latios in this box, which prompted the Great Purge that's responsible for wiping out a lot of redundant Pokémon. I mean, I don't need 5 Rayquazas... They all went into the Bank and... probably lost to the ages.

... Once upon a time, I used to name all the main Dragons as "Dragon" something. And since back then, nicknames had 10 character slots, that meant each one had 4 letters to suit it. So there were names like DragonWing (Dragonite), DragonClaw (Garchomp), etc. After DragonAxe and DragonFist, I overhauled the names. There were... a lot of repeat Dragon types. There are 4 Salamence here. The first of these was the 10th one I made. The rest are lost to the ages.

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Dark

Umbreon: Blacky (S). Like all the others.

Houndoom: Hellion (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Terran Hellion, transforms into Terran Hellbat. Fast flamethrower-mounted racecar. It’s the only fire-based unit that’s fast enough for a Mega Houndoom.

Sableye x2: Profanity, !@#? (S). It’s rage-inducing.

Absol x2: Disaster, Cataclysm (S x2). Absol’s lore. I would’ve called one Catastrophe, but that doesn’t fit in Generation V where I did the RNG.

Honchkrow: Vulture (S). Starcraft unit. Terran Vulture. Fast, surprisingly durable, hits light (small) units like a truck, has three Spider Mines that blow up for catastrophic damage. … Honchkrow is a vulture of sorts, so… that. And not the Terran unit. Though a crow isn’t exactly a vulture…

Weavile x2: Scout, Destroyer (S x2). Destroyer the Choice Band variant. Also, Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void campaign unit. Protoss Destroyer, the Tal’darim variant of the Void Ray that sucks ass. That Weavile proved to be more useful. Scout… Starcraft unit. Protoss Scout. The most overpriced unit in the game, the best anti capital ship unit in the game… for a race that doesn’t need it. … That Weavile is called Scout because this variant is just used for poking and prodding. Scouting, if you will. … And I guess as an Ice type, the Weavile also shreds “air units”?

Scrafty: PantShield (S). It uses its pants like shields.

Zoroark: Stalker (S). Starcraft 2 unit. Protoss Stalker. Dark Templar faction, hence fitting the Dark type. Stalkers suck absolute ass at direct combat, since it has the most powerful ability in most games: the ability to instantly teleport (Blink). So Stalkers are used to poke and prod, like Zoroark with Illusion. Just like Stalkers, Zoroark will die immediately upon confrontation.

Bisharp x2: Promotion, Centurion (S x2). From a Pawn to a Bishop. Promotion! And Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void campaign unit. Protoss Centurion. The Nerazim (Dark Templar) faction variant of the Zealot. … Not really related to a Bisharp, but hey, why not.

Hydreigon x2: Hydralisk, Hunter (S x2). Starcraft unit. Zerg Hydralisk. It has a tendency of being eviscerated in cutscenes, but it’s one of the most cost efficient, spammable unit in the game… against Protoss. And a Hydreigon is a hydra, so… Hydralisk it is. And the other one is called Hunter, short for Hunter Killer, the Brood War hero variant of the Hydralisk. Hunter Killers, the mega Hydras of doom and demise.

Yveltal: Brood Lord. Starcraft 2 unit. Zerg Brood Lord. Big, slow flyer. Shoots small timed-life Broodlings at targets to attack, the Broodlings attack from the ground, acts as body-blockers for enemy ground units. Yveltal resembles a Brood Lord. Though nowadays, I’d give that name to Dragapult (look at Moon’s Practice Battle Short Story), and give Yveltal the name Deathwing.

Guzzlord: Pit Lord. … I don’t know.

None: Darkrai (S), Zoroark (S), Mandibuzz (S), Yveltal (S).

I apparently didn't name the Jolly variant of Zoroark. Maybe I should've called it Sentry, after Protoss Sentries in Starcraft 2, since it makes Hallucinations. And is insanely fragile, like Zoroark!

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Steel

Steelix: Mr. Money (S). The shiny one looks like it’s made of gold. This one goes Mega, unlike the unnamed one.

Skarmory: Scars (S). Very creative.

Mawile: Mouthful (S). … I think it’s pretty obvious.

Aggron x2: Adamantium, Bossman (S x2). I believe its JP name is Bossgodora? And Adamantium the Adamant (Mega) Aggron.

Metagross x2: Reaver, Processor (S x2). Okay, it’s a machine, hence Processor. And… Stacraft unit. Protoss Reaver. An extremely slow robotic slug that makes and shoots Scarabs that deal catastrophic damage. I may have given Mega Metagross that name because in Starcraft 2 Legacy of the Void campaign, the Reaver is back and is super fast while dealing even more damage.

Bronzong: Emile (S). … Another reference I understand but can’t explain since it’s quite long and very messed up. This “Emile” is not a name. It’s a sound effect. E-mi-le.

Klefki: Lockdown. Starcraft ability. Terran Ghosts’ Lockdown. Disables a target mechanical/robotic unit for about 43 seconds. An insane ability that’s garbage because it’s attached to the Ghost, which you only really make in Terran vs. Zerg, and nothing Zerg is mechanical or robotic. But suitable for a name for Klefki, which is a chain of keys, and this one is has Thunderwave, Reflect, Light Screen, and Spikes. So a harmless asshole variant. Like the Starcraft Ghost. Not the Starcraft 2 Ghost that kills every Zerg unit in an instant.

Celesteela: Kerbal. … Kerbal Space Program. I mean, the thing looks like a rocket project gone pear-shaped.

None: Steelix (S), Registeel x2 (S x2), Jirachi x2 (S), Dialga x2 (S x2), Arceus-Steel, Cobalion (S), Aegislash (S), Klefki, Magearna x2.

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Fairy

Clefable x2: Unsingable, Pixely (S x2). “Many times we’re given rhymes that are quite unsingable!”

Togekiss x2: Cursed Joy, Misery (S x2). … Serene Grace related shenanigans, I see.

Slurpuff: Cupcake. Because it is one. That came to life.

Sylveon x2: Nymphia x2 (S x2). As with the rest.

None: Arceus-Fairy, Florges (S), Xerneas x2 (S x2), Silvally-Fairy (S).

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Fighting

Primeape: Monkeyball (S). It’s a ball shaped pissed off monkey.

Machamp: Phantom (S). A Pokémon Movie 9 reference.

Hitmonchan: Megaton (S). Megaton Punch, or Mega Punch.

Hitmontop: Drillbit (S). The drill part in the drill press. I once replaced one with a plastic pen and…

Medicham: Mediator (S). … Meditator but with a typo, or the weapon of the Starcraft 2 mercenary variant of the Marauder? Marauders use Punisher Grenades. The Hammer Securities use The Mediator.

Lucario x2: Templar, Promethean (S x2). Templar, the ranged variant, named after Protoss warriors. And the physical variant named after Halo’s Forerunner Prometheans. Unfortunately, Lucario does not learn Discharge or Thunderbolt, so this Templar doesn’t know Psionic Storm. Forgot the research from the Templar Archives again?

Conkeldurr: Concrete (S). … It has cinder blocks.

Sawk: Spartan (S). … Halo’s Spartans? … Why? … Oh. Because Sawk has Sturdy, so “Spartans never die” thing.

Mienshao: Iron Scarf (S). Heh. Because it looks like its arms are really long scarves and it attacks with them. Given how high its Atk stat is…

Hawlucha: Scourge. Same as Staraptor, except Hawlucha isn’t a suicide unit. If I had to name this thing now… A Hawlucha is supposed to be a Mexican Luchadore wrestler, right? But it’s also a bird? … Is it supposed to be a fighting chicken as well? … If that’s the case, I’d call it PTSD. Chickens… Eggjanaika why...

None: Hitmonlee (S), Conkeldurr (S), Passimian, Marshadow

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I’m done. Whew. I am missing a lot of stuff. I know I RNGed a Persian in HGSS. Wonder where that went. I guess a lot of them were for the Mimic-Rage glitch abuse in DPPt and BW/BW2, so those got flagged while transferring to XY. After all, Latios doesn't normally learn Water Spout and Hurricane. Even then, I still have way too much stuff. … How many Pokémon is that in my 100s boxes? … And how many of those were shiny? Sheesh. I RNGed a LOT over the years. Though the Generation VI and VII shiny Pokémon were not the result of RNG, because I can only RNG in Generation III (sort of), IV, and V.

And I see a LOT of Starcraft references. I wasn’t kidding when I said that its references were everywhere. Since my Pokémon playing days far pre-date my Yakuza playing days, the Yakuza references aren’t in the Pokémon nicknames. Not that I can use a whole lot anyways.

[featherfur]

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago, it took them forever to diagnose me just bc of how hard it is to pin down, and i didn't get my official diagnosis until i was 27. i've been diagnosed with autism and adhd previously in earlier years, so i was already familiar with neurodivergent communities, and it was really kind of fucked up to come back after getting my bpd diagnosis and seeing people treat it like it was something else entirely. i've had people trying to tell me that bpd doesn't count as neurodivergence because "it's a personality disorder, not a mental disorder" like the two aren't intrinsically intertwined?? also dealing with people who i had previously known for several years suddenly start holding me at arm's length because i was a "ticking time bomb" or some sort of monster who would either split and explode on them, or god forbid, start obsessing over them.

it really just sort of blew my mind just how ableist DN communities can be when it comes down to conditions that aren't just autism, adhd, depression, or anxiety.

No this is it exactly. This is why I went on that little rant on that post.

I’m autistic, I’ve always been aware of it so I was in different community groups ones labeled just generic ND communities and a lot of autistic ones.

I’m also bipolar. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 but the near minute I was and told people about it, it was like I had secretly been hiding that I was a monster the whole time. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, here to make the rest of the community look bad. I’m not allowed to talk about suffering from psychosis without the people who were just hollering about accepting ND ppl especially people with Autism and ADHD who have a hard time, suddenly turning on me and treating me like lesser.

I can’t talk about experiencing psychosis without being told I’m scaring people or I make them uncomfortable. I can’t talk about intrusive thoughts, and I mean the most disgusting vile intrusive thoughts possible, without being told that IM a bad disgusting monster. I’m barely a person to them if I tell more of myself then just what’s palatable to them.

I can’t say I’m bipolar and not hear people go ‘lol I have mood swings too’ or ‘yeah I’m ADHD emotions are just everywhere’ (that happens more then you think…). Bipolar has to be kooky giggle town mood swings that’s a joke. It’s not allowed to be mania not sleeping for days on end and being on the high end of every forsaken emotion possible, it’s not allowed to be broken moments trying to suppress every urge to claw your eyes out. It’s not allowed to be hallucinations because you can’t sleep and you’re all over the place and then you crash and can’t eat or move or think when the depression hits.

I can’t talk to people who are part of these communities without first vetting how they treat someone who isn’t part of the ‘good’ Neurodivergent folk. Because they’ll treat you like a monster, because they repeat the same ableist bullshit that’s thrown at them.

Because they want to be part of the ‘normal’ group and want to expel the ‘freaks’ as if we’re not all under that ND umbrella.

The communities are terrifyingly self-othering.

Neurodivergent has become a short form of Autism/ADHD/Depression/Anxiety. But only the ‘good’ forms. If you’re too autistic to communicate ‘properly’ (that’s sarcasm), then you’re gross and need to leave. If you’re so depressed that your teeth rot then you did it to yourself and didn’t those posts on the internet tell you how important it is to brush? If you have generalized anxiety and are terrified to leave your home then you need to do better, you’re not ND unless you have the cutesy shy anxiety.

Every “neurodivergent experience” post is very… what’s the word… separating? That’s not quite it but it’s late lmao. But every time I see those posts it feels like another gap because I, as a bipolar person, do not and probably will not ever experience those! There are somethings I do, I am autistic, and I understand the ADHD hyperactivity when I have a hypomanic episode, but most of them?

I don’t. And I can only imagine it’s more hurtful and upsetting to those who don’t have those main four but are still ND. Like those with Cerebral Palsy or OCD nor Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

As someone who has dealt with intrusive thoughts and felt scared from the way people in my own community mock it and say it’s disgusting if it’s used to describe what it actually means, I can only imagine how folk w BPD and OCD and Schizophrenia feel when those are the exact words used to be violently insulted.

The ND community is thick with ableism and hate towards anyone who isn’t palatable to the rest of the world, and they keep choosing the side of the ones who want us gone so they can be accepted instead of realizing that every ableist (and it’s culturally taught, it’s not always an intentional action) also thinks shitty of them and want you and any sign of neurodivergence eradicated.

If they didn’t then Autism Speaks wouldn’t be so damn rich and open about wanting to get rid of us. The average person wouldn’t be so vile towards ADHD people wanting medication. They wouldn’t claim if you take medication that you’re addicted and not trying, and we all know how they fucking hate addicts.

A lot of the most proud ND communities aren’t safe for anyone who isn’t the ‘good’ kind of Neurodivergent. It’s terrifying and gross, and a lot more fellow ND folk need to think about how they’re treating the rest of us.

You don’t get a pass on ableism because your card has an ND stamp on it.

[autumnalwalker]

Pride Month Drabble Challenge: Day 7, Serenity

Making up for lost time by posting the first seven all in a row. Reblog of the challenge rules with links to my posts are here.

“Sorry, wrong playlist.”

“Wait, I recognize this one.”

“It’s probably just similar.  It’s… not a real song.”

“It’s the intro for a guided meditation track.”

“How?  Do you know that?”

“Eh, I used to have some anger issues and this sort of stuff is something I looked into for a while to help. This isn’t my preferred track, but it was one of the first I tried so it stuck out to me.”

“What kind?  Of anger issues.”

“And that’s why I don’t usually like to bring it up.  No, don’t apologize, I get it.  Reasonable concern for a partner, but like I said, ‘used to;’ past tense.”

“Alright.”

“Look, I got into a couple of fights in middle and high school when the rumors and bullying got to be too much and I messed up my hand a couple times since then punching walls.  I swear the only time I’ve ever hit someone as an adult, he was a literal nazi harassing people on campus.”

“I believe you.”

“And, sure, I joke sometimes that that last one gets a pass, but truth is I’m not proud of it.  Hell, if anyone else did it I probably would’ve cheered them on, but me doing it feels wrong, like I failed to find a better way.  But what’s worse is that there’s a messed up part of me that enjoyed it and I don’t want to be that person.  I don’t like to think of myself as violent, but sometimes I worry that under the wrong circumstances I could - Oof!”

“I said before that I feel safe around you.  I still do.”

“I… Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.  Want me to let go?”

“Give it a minute.”

“...”

“...”

“It’s funny.  Normally you’re the one calming me down from rambling.”

“Yeah, well, that one’s been on my mind for a while.  I was worried how you’d react.”

“I can tell.  But it’s like you said.  Past tense.”

“Right.”

“Aaannnd, now I know if I ever get in trouble my valiant nazi-punching girlfriend will temporarily put aside her natural inclinations against violence to come and save me.”

“You and your damsel in distress fantasies.”

“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be able to absolutely rock the knight-in-shining-armor look.  Maybe get you a horse and a big dragon-slaying lance.”

“Are we talking real armor or animé video game boobplate?”

“Might need to try on both just to be sure.”

“Wow, that might just be the most flirtatious thing you’ve ever said.  And of course it’s about awful video game armor.  I’d call you a nerd, but I know you could do way worse than that.”

“Hey, you dragged me to the gym.  Turnabout is fair cosplay.”

“Heh.  Maybe one day. … By the way, why do you have a mediation playlist?”

“Oh.  That.  You know.  Anxiety.  Panic attacks.  Same stuff I told you about before.”

“Ah, that tracks.”

“Actually, want me to put it back on?”

“Go for it.  That might be nice.”

[anotherwritersblog]

Title: So It's You

Chapter {1} - Body Like a Back Road

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.2K-ish

Author's Note: This is supposed to be a multi-part series. It's been sitting in my Wattpad drafts since mid-September. Figured I'd pull it out and spruce it up a bit and actually post it somewhere. It was inspired by those TikToks of soulmates being connected by music I loved that idea and wish it were real 😂 Mine would be like wtf are they listening to? I originally had this swapping POVs per part, but we’ll see how things go 🤷🏻‍♀️ Any mistakes are my own.

Warning: this one's really just fluff, Reader enjoying time with her boys even if it's earlier than she'd like, Bucky being a flirt

Any and all reblogs/likes/comments are appreciated.

In no way, shape, or form, do you have permission to post this anywhere.

____________________

One of the craziest things about our universe, as I’m sure there are thousands, if not millions of others out there, is that we have an idea who our soulmate is.

Well. Sort of.

When we turn eighteen, we are automatically linked to our soulmate by the way of music. It’s not what they sing aloud, but what they sing in their mind. Many high school sweethearts were lucky enough to find out right away. For some, it took them a few years before they crossed paths whether it was college, work, or even something as simple as a coffee shop. But me? It’s been ten years and nothing.

By nothing, I mean I haven’t met them yet. Since I turned eighteen, I’ve heard their songs. They’ve been interesting choices to say the least, and I’ve definitely added a few to my favorites because of them. But no matter what, I can’t seem to find this person.

🎶 Got a girl from the Southside Got braids in her hair First time I seen her walk by Man I 'bout fell up out my chair Had to get her number It took me like six weeks Now me and her go way back Like Cadillac seats 🎶

It was your average, early morning Saturday run, except this time I was pulled into it by a few friends. Steve had the bright idea to get up before the sunrise, while Sam at least had the better idea of stopping by our favorite diner afterwards. Of course, Bucky had to throw in a little bet. The person who couldn’t keep up for the hour we would run, would have the pleasure of paying for breakfast

I think he was hoping Sam would fall out first.

I was jogging with Sam as Steve and Bucky were continuously passing us, lap after lap. "On your left!" Steve would yell, as Bucky accompanied him with "On your right!" It was cute the first nine times, but Sam glanced at me with annoyance each time after that.

"So, Y/N. What's your soulmate singing, today?" Sam questioned, as we rounded the corner. "You've been humming a song and I can't quite put my finger on it."

"Body like a back road," I replied.

"Ah. So, they must be nearby," he grinned, looking down at the concrete.

"Shut up. They are not!" I countered, hitting his arm.

"I'm just saying. They’ve gotta enjoy the way your body is looking this morning. Your leggings and tank top are hugging everything quite nicely," he laughed. I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes so far back, that they would’ve gotten stuck if I hadn’t taken notice of the boys passing us again. Fortunately, Sam left me to my thoughts and tried to catch up to them.

🎶 The way she fit in them blue jeans She don't need no belt But I can turn 'em inside out I don't need no help Got hips like honey So thick and so sweet Ain't no curves like hers On them downtown streets 🎶

I stepped off to the grass and leaned against the tree to catch my breath. I glanced down at my watch and saw that I had already ran five miles in the last hour. I glanced back up to see the boys complete one more lap. The super soldiers let Sam know that they were passing him one last time. You could see the frustration in his face as they fist bumped after passing the slower of the three. Once hitting the last corner, they waited on Sam to catch up and they started walking towards me.

A smile crept onto my face as they were walking. I absolutely adored these three, as they were some of my best friends. The question What would I do without them? always popped into my mind when we hung out together, as I knew my life would not be nearly as entertaining. As I watched the three make their way over, Sam's comment from earlier made its way back into my mind.

So, they must be nearby.

The thought that one of them could be my soulmate crossed my mind for a split second but was just as quickly dismissed. Sam has always filled in that older-brother-I've-never-had figure, Steve stepped in as my new-mentor-turned-best-friend when I was welcomed into the Avengers, and Bucky. Well. Bucky took some warming up to, but he too became a best friend, just not in the same way as Steve. With Bucky, we can be crude and crack jokes around each other that Steve might not enjoy as much. We can engage in harmless flirting with each other and it not mean a thing at the end of the day. He became more open to me about his nightmares (albeit I have to pull it out of him sometimes) and I became more open about my mental health (which he has to pull out of me every once in a while so that I’m not bottling all my thoughts and feelings up).

These three will always have a special place in my heart, because I love them more than life itself sometimes. I'd do anything for them. But the possibility that any of the three are my soulmate?

As if.

🎶 We're out here in the boondocks With the breeze and the birds Tangled up in the tall grass With my lips on hers On a highway to heaven Headed south of her smile Get there when we get there Every inch is a mile 🎶

"Couldn't hang today, Y/N?" Steve asked as the boys came within earshot. A smirk made its way to Bucky's face, as Sam wiped the sweat from his. "You know what that means!"

"Yes. Breakfast is on me, but only AFTER everyone showers! I am NOT taking anyone anywhere with you lot smelling the way you do!" I laughed, pointing to the three men in front of me.

We start walking back to the compound when Bucky puts his right arm around me. "So, we gonna save time and water, and shower together, doll?" he whispered into my ear, as the other two walked ahead of us.

"Nice try, Sergeant. But that's not gonna happen. Not today," I shook my head, grabbing his hand with mine and squeezing it before pushing it away.

"So, another time then?" he teased. I felt his hand run down the small of my back and rub it gently before taking it away. I tuned back into Steve and Sam's conversation about what they were ordering for breakfast at the diner. It was a fairly peaceful walk back...until the four of us got into the debate about pancakes versus waffles.

[writersblog20]

There’s a storm ahead

Chris Evans x GNreader

Not my gif, creds to: @lovingpostit

Summary: When there’s a big storm coming and your anxiety is consuming you, making it unable to sleep, there is no other way than to walk into Chris’s room for some comfort.

Warnings: anxiety, quick mention of depression and panic attack (if you squeeze). Oh and a big storm.

Words: 2K

A/N: I know I’m not posting as much but I’m trying : ) anyway, we had a storm this weekend  (Eunice) and it really scared me tbh so I drew inspiration from that.

Please if you like the story, reblog. It really does help your homegirl out! I love the likes but unfortanetly they don't do much so pretty please REBLOG 💞

There’s a storm ahead.

You watched the news intently. There was a storm heading your way with a code red given from your country. Normally you didn’t mind storms that much but something about this one gave you just downright anxiety. Maybe it was because you were already anxious and depressed but this gave you one reason more to be anxious. Chris walked up to you “So it’s gonna go down isn’t it?” he asked with his thick Boston accent. You hummed a little and walked off to the kitchen to get your mind on something else.

Chris stayed with you for a while now and you became great friends. Your family worked on set with him a lot and brought you along and that’s how you met Chris. When he was searching for a place you offered a room to him and he took it. You became very close and your crush quickly grew into love.

Chris knew about your depression and anxiety and tried his best to help you. He quickly became your safe haven but you never told him that, scared that if you did, you could lose it.

You looked outside and it was already storming and the actual storm wasn’t even here yet. Chris made his way to the kitchen. He was dressed comfortably in his grey joggings and a black shirt. He looked at you and the frown between your eyebrows as you looked outside. “Hey, you okay?” he asked. You quickly looked his way. “Yeah” you tried to convince him but more yourself. He nodded, obviously not believing you but if you wanted to talk about it, he knew you would so he would let it go for now.

It started to rain but very heavily with some hail as it hit your windows loudly. Chris saw how on edge you were and looked outside as well and he started to catch on but didn’t say anything. “Want to watch a movie?” he asked you softly. “Yeah sure” Chris smiled “I’ll grab the beer. We can watch that movie you wanted to see for a while now, it’s on Netflix!” he told you while grabbing the beers from the refrigerator.

“Scream 5? It’s on Netflix?” you asked him genuinely interested. “Yeah, I just looked.” He got some corn to make popcorn out off the cabinets. “Can’t have a good slasher film without popcorn now can we?” he teased in hopes to make you feel a little better. You chuckled but it wasn’t genuine and you both knew it but that didn’t mean he was going to give up.

While Chris made the popcorn, you put on some warm comforting lights and candles so you had some light but not too much. You plopped on the couch and Chris plopped down as well, not much later. The bowl of popcorn between the two of you. You grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped yourself in it. Chris looked at you with adoration in his eyes and smiled softly at you. “my little burrito.” He murmured but loud enough for you to hear. You chuckled, this time more genuine which made him smile more at his victory.

Chris propped his legs up on the table and handed you your beer as you both mindlessly watched the movie. You had to turn up the volume of the tv as the pouring rain on your window made too  much noise.

But that meant that the ‘jump scares’ were louder as well. Normally you didn’t mind that much but as the tv was at high volume right now, the jump scares hit a little bit different. Chris noticed and chuckled softly as he placed the bowl besides him. You eyed him as he took away the popcorn, which he noticed and chuckled. “Come here burrito. You can cuddle up to me if you want. That’s why I placed the bowl aside.”

He didn’t have to tell you twice as you scooped closer to Chris. He wrapped his arm around you and you leaned comfortably into his side as you snuggled more into the blanket. His head leaned against yours while you tried to fish some popcorn but Chris still held onto the bowl and slowly moved it away further out of your reach.

You frowned and made a dip over him but he just kept moving it away from you. You got out of his side to see the smug smile on his face. “Chris.” You whined as you tried to reach it again but to no avail. You threw yourself over him to get to the bowl and finally got it. You could hear Chris’s deep chuckle rumbling as you laid completely over him. You groaned as you got the bowl and back to your place. Chris poked your side and you squealed. “I’m sorry pumpkin, I was teasin.” His Boston accent coming forward again.

You huffed but couldn’t fight the small smile that was creeping up on your face. You leaned back against Chris, snuggled in your blanket again and held on to the bowl.

All of a sudden the wind picked up extremely fast and both of your phones went off. It was an alert to stay inside because it was too dangerous to go out. Chris saw you making yourself smaller, as you could, into his arm and into the blanket. He knew he needed to be gentle with you and stop with the teasing since he noticed that you were scared.

You watched the movie again and rested your head against his chest, trying to find comfort and safety which worked. You both ate the popcorn and drank some beer. When there was a jump scare, you would hide in your blanket slightly and Chris’s arm would tighten around you. So now and then he would plant kisses on your head, trying to comfort you. It was nice, you felt very loved at that moment.  

After the movie ended you called it a night, wished Chris goodnight and went upstairs. The storm wasn’t even on it’s peak yet and the house was already creaking. With every gust of wind, you could feel the impact on the house. You quickly freshened up and crawled into bed. The covers slightly over your head in an attempt to hide away.

You read a book and listened to calming music but you couldn’t keep your mind off the anxiety. You felt the tears slip, feeling so incredibly miserable and anxious that it tired you out but the adrenaline and stress kept you awake.

Maybe you should go to Chris, you thought. But you also didn’t want to be a burden but then again, you were starting to get really scared as the wind kept picking up. You slowly made your way out of bed with heavy heart and feet. You dragged yourself to the hallway. Everything was dark but you could make your way through and stood in front of Chris’s room.

You were pacing on one foot to the other with anxiety. You stood there now but you had a hard time knocking on his door. He always said that if there was something, you could always come to him or wake him but you never did until this moment.

When you finally could bring yourself to knock on his door, you heard a groggy voice say “come in.” You opened the door softly and peeked in. Chris held himself up on his elbows, his hair messy and you knew you had woken him up.

Once he saw you, still leaning on one foot to the other he opened up his blanket for you and gave you a soft smile. You patted towards the empty side of the bed. You saw that Chris was only wearing boxers, his tattoos showing off and you felt yourself grow shy. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” you whispered softly as you tucked the covers slightly over your head again.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you did. Is it the storm that got you feeling this way?” he asked you softly and you nodded. “I don’t know why I’m scared.” He hummed, understanding. “Your anxiety building up?” he asked you as he laid face to face with you. You nodded in response. “Probably just searching for stuff to worry about.” He gave you a sympathetic smile.

“come here sweetheart.” He told you and pulled you closer to his warm radiating body. You arm was around his torso, while his arms held you tightly, your head resting on his chest as he pulled the covers more over you. “You’re safe here, I won’t let anything happen to you sweetheart.” You held him tighter in response. “Thank you Chris, I love you.” you quickly opened your eyes in realization to what you just had said.

He put his finger underneath your chin so you would look at him. Your heart almost beating out of your chest. His eyes were so kind and gentle when he looked at you. It was with all the love and adoration. He came a little closer to your face without breaking eye contact. “And I love you Y/N. Very much.” He told you with intense eye contact so the message would be clear.

Your heart still beating out of your chest when his nose softly touched yours and nuzzled it slightly. His palm softly caressing your cheek. He gave you time to pull away but you never did, hinting to him that he could kiss you.

He placed his lips gently on yours, waiting with moving but just enjoying each other. You breathed in the kiss, feeling some sort of release from all the worrying, like it just melted away. You moved your body closer to his and slowly started moving in the kiss. His big hands found your hips and he carefully and softly squeezed them before pulling your body even closer.

You felt his tongue slip in and you gracefully let him as your hands wondered through his hair which was so soft and fluffy. You let your hand rest on his chest. You could feel his heart beating just as fast as yours and the warmth radiating through your hand from his body. The butterflies were released in your stomach as you felt Chris’s tongue against yours.

After a while you both pulled back and he let his forehead rest against yours. It was silent at first and Chris was the first to break it carefully “I want you and only you. I want you to be mine.” He told you self-assured. You smiled softly, not comprehending what was actually happening. “I want to be yours and I want you to be mine.” He smiled and you mirrored his actions. He placed his lips on yours again, this time more heated as he scooped you up, almost on top of him.

He broke away from the kiss, only to place one on your nose and forehead. “I’ll always protect you.” you smiled softly and kissed the side of his cheek that was covered with his beard. “I know. I feel safe with you.” he smiled and his heart took a leap from happiness.

He placed his arms around you, his hand softly rubbing circles on your head to comfort you. “Get some rest baby, you deserve it. I’m here when you need me. I’ll always be here.” You looked up, finally feeling like you could give into some sleep. You gave him soft kisses and laid back down. “I love you.” he smiled and went with his hand over your head and kissed it. “I love you too sweetheart.”

You focused on his breathing, his fingers that made circles on your head, massaging it, his other hand that was on your back carefully and gently rubbing it up and down. You felt his calmness radiating which calmed you down. You slowly closed your eyes, finally feeling safe and comforted as the warmth of his body and the covers tightly around you, finally put you to a deep slumber of peaceful dreams.

Taglist: @rogersdrysdalebarber @patzammit

[demigod-shenanigans]

First of all cannot overstate how much I appreciate you always engaging with these posts, it genuinely means a lot.

Also!! I’m a sickfic person (I blame my own health issues lol). I love sick day stuff. This was a delightful to read.

Currently thinking fondly of Leo and Piper getting sick at the same time in Wilderness and both of their first instinct being to play it off/hide it (for Leo because he’s used to not having anyone who cares, for Piper because it just brings back memories of how much her dad would fuss whenever she got sick as a kid and remembering now knowing he’ll be too busy to even drop by/call to check on her is just painful) until they realize they’re both sick. Then they’re just whining at each other about which one of them is to blame (the meteor shower and them sleeping on the roof is probably the reason honestly) and will not be separated anymore.

And due to the whole memory shenanigans they don’t remember it being like that obviously but whenever it happens again at CHB they’re just as unbearable about it. They just don’t know how it started anymore.

Temperature of 126 is even more hilarious to me because I’m European and briefly forgot about Fahrenheit being a thing. Normal body temperature in Celsius is like, 37°C. I cannot begin to imagine how dead you’d be at 126°C (for my fellow Europeans, 126 F is ≈ 52°C. Which is still way too high for regular human body temperatures but not above boiling water temperature LOL). Actually temperature measurement confusion is conceptually potentially usable for a tiny British Thalia fic (either with baby Jason or with Luke and Annabeth) but that’s kind of beside the point, I’m getting off-topic XD

Anyway yeah Leo just runs hotter than most people even when he's healthy and it's worse when he's sick but as much as it freaks Jason out, it's not going to kill Leo. I think Jason has decent training when it comes to dressing injuries due to his training in Camp Jupiter, but that doesn't really translate super well to sick boyfriend care and he's really frustrated about it. Jason is also terrible at cooking which he feels really guilty about especially when Leo isn't feeling well (this also ties into Leo anxiety cooking a lot when Jason is sick I feel like. It's one of Leo's default aspects of sick person care and Jason feels like him being bad at it means he's failing at his job). Leo doesn't really care. Mostly he just wants cuddles. He just wants Jason to be there because there have been so many times in the past when no one was.

Currently being hit with the hilarious image of Piper all but begging Reyna to use speech to text because it's taking her so long to type out the entire movie title (and Reyna will type the entire movie title before hitting search, even if objectively half of it would be more than enough). Cue Reyna taking even longer trying to get speech to text to work because it always gets some part wrong while Piper is halfway between a laugh and a coughing fit the whole time. Also since Reyna sharing her feelings is her whole power, I’m getting the vibes of either Reyna intentionally trying to make herself feel relaxed so she can make Piper feel better or her being very stressed and anxious to the point where it spills over and Piper is like “sit down/come cuddle, I can’t sleep when you’re feeling like that”.

I feel like much like Reyna Jason also isn’t sick. Stupid stubborn hero leader types who are of the opinion that they never need breaks smh. But after the whole “Jason almost died/died and got resurrected”-deal Leo has a lot of anxiety re: Jason’s health and pays a lot of attention to it. Jason sneezes once and good luck getting Leo to let him do anything else for the whole week lmao he’s a fucking nightmare about it. He’s not risking his fragile perpetually concussed boyfriend/husband ever again thank you <3

Jason isn’t used to people taking care of him (he’s the hero and the leader and whatever he’s supposed to be the one making sure everyone else is alright) so he’s not entirely sure how to handle it and at first he feels guilty about how nice it feels to be cared for like that. He gets better about it with time, and it’s nice to be given an excuse to have some actual downtime because Jason is terrible at letting himself have downtime at all.

Reyna is worse than Jason, mostly because he’s got a bit of a head start in the “it’s okay to let other people in and let yourself be comforted”-department because he’s known Leo and Piper longer. She’s also a terminal workaholic. Piper has had to charmspeak her into letting herself take a fucking nap at least once because Reyna was insisting she could totally still go to work despite the fact that she was about to collapse. She’s also 100% more likely to still try and get some work done in bed than Jason is. Piper shakes her head about it and tells her if it’s necessary she will sit there and watch all day to make sure Reyna actually lets herself rest XD

For all of Reyna’s protests she does really like falling asleep with her head in Piper’s lap.

Having another Day, so, you guys know the drill by now. Any headcanons and fluff thoughts appreciated. Some hurt/comfort with emphasis on the comfort would be especially nice right now but I’m not picky. Thank you.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Destiny & Deliverance Chapter 4

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives. 

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Quote: “This must be the ‘fucking scary’ side that I heard about.”

I awoke to my neighbor’s alarm going off, again. I didn’t want my Tuesday to start like this. I was annoyed, but it really wasn’t even that loud. A normal person would probably sleep through it. I laid there attempting to go back to sleep. It went off again twenty minutes later. Seriously, what is the point of hitting the snooze button? Just get up already and be done with it. 

I rolled over and grabbed my phone to do a quick email check. I had an email from Aubry saying she hoped my trip was going well. Nothing else. She was phishing for information. I hit reply and typed out, “It’s fantastic.” then hit send. She was going to love that. I was giving her nothing.

I sat there for a moment wondering if Dieter had social media. This is a slippery slope, I thought. Then I opened Instagram anyway and found him. It was a verified public account, so I’m not sure what I expected to find. There was a lot of promotional stuff for his movies and shows. Some pictures from his travels. Typical celebrity stuff most likely. The latest post was an advertisement for a talk show that was happening this morning. I went to the search bar and entered his name in. Tons of images came up. Pictures of him out with friends. Paparazzi images of him walking around LA. I actually felt kind of bad for the guy. He couldn’t even walk down the street without someone shoving a camera in his face. 

The alarm next door went off again ten minutes later. I huffed and threw my phone down on the bed. I decided to get up and start my day. My morning started the same as yesterday’s, minus the encounter with Dieter. Joe was waiting for me with coffee and a blueberry scone at 7AM. Megan met me outside the building when I arrived. She shared a funny story about her dog on the way up to the office. I felt like she was slowly warming up to me. 

I spent the entire day doing observations and meeting with different staff members to ask questions. My lunch break was quick. I scarfed down the chicken alfredo that Megan had ordered, then immediately got back to work. I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed with the amount of information that was coming in. I was starting to worry that maybe I wouldn’t be able to get through everything before the end of the week and I still hadn’t come across any obvious red flags. I was concerned that I had missed something. That familiar feeling of anxiety was really starting to kick in by the end of the day. I, of course, did not let it show. I was also feeling pretty exhausted. I thought about taking it easy on the workload this evening at the hotel. Maybe even try to go to bed a little earlier.  

When 5 PM hit, I was ready to get out of there. I was peopled out for the day. Talking to people could be so mentally and physically exhausting for me since I tend to be more introverted. These were always my worst days. I would much rather be locked in a room reviewing data.  

I walked out to meet Joe. He greeted me with a smile and again asked if I needed to make any stops before the hotel. I declined and slumped down into the seat. He didn’t try for any chit chat today. I think he could tell I was worn out. He just let me be. We pulled up in front of the hotel and he opened the door to let me out. He told me to have a good evening and he would be here at his usual time in the morning. I nodded my thanks and gave him a small smile. 

I slowly walked into the hotel entrance debating on if I wanted to post up downstairs again while I had dinner or go back to my room and just eat junk food. I stopped in front of the restaurant and looked in. Not a soul in sight, except for Tim the bartender. He saw me, pulled out a wine glass, and started pouring whatever it was he gave me yesterday. I walked in and smiled thanking him as I took it to my back corner booth. He followed behind me. 

“Tough day?” he asked. 

“Not tough. Just long and I still have more to do.”

“Are we having a steady flow of wine and appetizers tonight?” he asked with a sympathetic look on his face.  

“Why not.” I said as I shrugged. He laughed and walked back to put in my order. 

I started pulling out all of my stuff and got to work reviewing more documents. It was an hour and a half later and a glass and a half of wine in when a voice asking to join me snapped me out of my intense focus. It was Dieter. I knew it as soon as I heard his voice. I looked up and he gave me that big, brilliant smile that made me want to melt. I smiled back, “Of course, have a seat!” 

“I hope I’m not distracting you from your work. I can go somewhere else if I need to.”

“No! Not at all. Actually, I think I could use a distraction right now. I need a break. I told myself I was going to take it easy tonight, yet here I am.” I gestured to my stuff spread out on the table and gave an exasperated laugh. 

“Well, if you insist on a distraction…” he chuckled as he sat down in the curved booth, rather closely on my right side. I could feel the heat from his body due to his proximity. It was a miracle that I could focus on anything else. 

“So, how’s it going? Have you uncovered the big secret yet?” he asked with what seemed like genuine interest. 

I sighed heavily, “No, not at all. I have suspicions, but nothing to back it up so far. I’m hopeful I’ll find something tomorrow when I really start digging into their data and tech stuff. I’m starting to get a little worried there may be nothing. Which, if that’s the case, it is what it is. The CEO doesn’t have any definitive proof of anything going on, he just suspects. I didn’t want details on the who or why yet. I don’t want any potential bias to affect what I am doing.”

“I am sure you’ll figure it out. You seem pretty intelligent.” he said as he gently bumped his shoulder against mine. I felt hot suddenly.

“Wha…what about you? Have you heard back about the audition or whatever it was you were anxious about?” I stuttered out. 

“I haven’t. I think I should probably hear something tomorrow. I know they’ve inquired about my filming schedule, so that could be a good sign.” 

“That’s awesome. Hopefully you’ll have something to celebrate tomorrow.”

Bartender Tim came over to take Dieter’s order. He ordered a beer and asked what I was having. 

“I am partaking in endless appetizers and wine tonight. Feel free to have some of whatever I get surprised with next.” Dieter knitted his eyebrows together and started laughing at me. He looked back at bartender Tim and said, “Yeah, bring extra of whatever you're bringing her. We can split it. I’m down for a little appetizer roulette.” Bartender Tim sniggered at us and walked off. 

“Bartender Tim and I have become BFFs already. He’s making sure I’m taken care of.” I said as I raised my wine glass as if to give a toast, then finished it off. 

“How much of that have you had?” Dieter asked. 

“Why? Do I sound drunk already? This is just my second glass. Trust me, I can tolerate more.” He chuckled. 

“I don’t know about drunk, but you’re definitely amusing yourself. How long were you down here yesterday? I saw you as I was leaving.”

“A while..and you didn’t say hi? I feel insulted.” I said jokingly and lightly pushed on his shoulder. For fuck’s sake, I was flirting. I should stop drinking. It’s going to get me in trouble. 

Bartender Tim came back with Dieter’s beer, cheese sticks and jalapeno poppers, more wine, and a glass of water for me. I didn’t even ask for the water. I think he was just doing me a solid before I got sloppy. 

Dieter continued our conversation, “I actually wanted to pop in and say hi, but I was running late. As usual. A fucking disaster as you say. There just isn’t enough time in the day sometimes.”

My phone buzzed. Lauren always had impeccable timing. I tried to ignore it, but it kept buzzing. I looked at him and said sorry as I picked up my phone.

LAUREN: What are you doing? 

LAUREN: I haven’t heard from you much. You need to take a break and call me.

LAUREN: I’m bored. 

LAUREN: What do you want to do for our girl’s day when you get back? Maybe a spa day? 

LAUREN: You DO need to learn how to relax occasionally. 

I rolled my eyes at her. She always did this when she was bored. Normally I found it to be hilarious, but I didn’t have time for that right now. I hit reply. 

ME: I can’t talk right now. 

LAUREN: Why? Are you being held hostage? 

LAUREN: If it’s because of work, then yes you can. Take a break already.

ME: I’m busy. 

LAUREN: Are you ok? These are weird responses for you. 

LAUREN: Waaaaaaaait. Are you with the hottie? 

LAUREN: You better tell me if you are. You know you can’t lie to me. 

Dieter was giving me the side eye. 

“I’m sorry. It’s my best friend. She is being needy and ridiculous right now.” He gave me a raised eyebrow and a smirk. “That’s fine. No biggie.” I started typing out a response. 

ME: Ok, yes. I am. We will talk later. 

LAUREN: Hell yes! Get it GUUURL!

ME: Stop it. Bye. 

I set my phone back down on the table. “Everything ok?” he asked. 

“Yeah, she’s just bored. She gives me hell for working too much. She tends to be a bundle of energy, so she starts about five different conversations before I can get the first response in.” He laughed at my description of her. 

“I can’t fuss about her too much. She’s been amazing the last few months. Helping me with things and all the drama I’ve been dealing with.” I said without thinking. Hopefully he didn’t ask me to elaborate.  

“Drama?” he asked. I gave him a contemplative look. Ok, I guess we are going there, I thought. Without thinking, I put my right hand up to my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  

“I’ve been going through a divorce. He was an asshole and a cheater. I put up with it way longer than I should have. He really messed me up, but it’s done now. Hopefully I’ll never see him again.” I looked down at my glass of wine, expressionless and unblinking. Dieter reached over and grabbed my right hand away from my shoulder, breaking my thoughts. He sat it on the table and gave it a squeeze. I looked up at him and our eyes locked. I could feel my heart almost beating out of my chest. 

“No one deserves to be treated like that. Karma is a bitch. It’ll bite him back one day. He’ll never be happy and live a miserable existence.” 

He said it with conviction. At that moment, I felt like he was looking into my soul with his dark eyes. I could see the sadness hidden there again. It made me wonder if someone had hurt him in the past. He slowly let go of my hand.   

I let out a measured breath, “I certainly hope so. Who knows, maybe one day karma may come in the form of slashed tires and sugar in the gas tank of his fancy car,” I said casually. I was attempting humor to lighten the mood. He took the bait and started laughing at me. 

“This must be the ‘fucking scary’ side that I heard about,” he said through his laughs. 

“Welcome to the show, I’ll be here all week.”

Thankfully that did lighten the mood. We spent two and a half hours chatting, eating, and drinking. The conversation and laughter never stopped. His fun and boisterous side was more evident now than our previous encounters. He had a hilarious sense of humor and even a touch of dark humor that I could appreciate. The small touches continued. He would lean into me and lay his forehead on my shoulder when he laughed. I had seen pictures of him with his friends appearing to do the same thing, so I couldn’t tell if this is just the way he was with people or if he was being flirty. He was very hard to read. I did, however, feel very at ease with him. My anxiety was non-existent once we got past the initial awkwardness. He seemed to be more at ease as well. 

Around 10 PM we decided to call it a night since we both had an early start. I slowly stood up and started packing all my stuff that had been scooted to the other side of the table as he handed it over to me. I was still slightly tipsy.  

“So…” he started to say, then gave a long pause. I stopped what I was doing and looked down at him. “Is it possible that I might run into you down here tomorrow evening? I should be done kind of early.” He looked down at the nearly empty glass in front of him and started lightly tapping on the table with his index finger. He was clearly nervous to ask. He kept his head lowered but looked up at me through his lashes while he bit his lip. Was he trying to give me a heart attack? My mind momentarily wandered to me biting that lip. I shook my head. What the hell was my problem? I suddenly felt embarrassed, like he could read my thoughts. I finally pulled it together enough to respond.

“It’s a very good possibility. We do have to celebrate tomorrow after all.” 

He gave me a questioning look. 

“We’ll be celebrating you getting that role. I have a good feeling about it.”

He gave me a huge smile and said, “Please don’t jinx it” as he got up out of the booth. 

We walked over to the elevator and got on. 

“Which floor?” he asked as he hit the number “9”. I froze and looked at him, slightly confused. 

“What?”

“Are you on the 9th floor?”

“Yeah, why?”

The doors slid shut and I started laughing hysterically. Immediately thinking of Lauren talking about all the destiny garbage. This was getting comical. 

“What’s so funny?” he said with a very confused look on his face. 

“Nothing. It’s just that we’re on the same floor.” He kind of laughed too. The door slid open, and we both stepped off of the elevator. We stopped, awkwardly standing in the middle of the hallway. I had a gut feeling, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle the answer, but I asked anyway. 

“Which room is yours?”

“The second to the end on the left side.” 

I absolutely lost it and doubled over in laughter. “You’re the snooze guy!” I said through my laughter. He stared at me wide eyed and confused. 

I finally got it together and had to wipe tears from my eyes. It was absolutely absurd at this point. 

“Just so you know, I’ve been internally cursing you every morning because I can hear your alarm every time it goes off.”

“You can hear that?” he said in disbelief. 

“Yes, I can. I’m pretty sure our beds share a wall.”

He looked slightly embarrassed for a minute, but then started laughing too. We began walking toward our doors, both still laughing and shaking our heads. We said our goodnights and keyed into our respective suites. Our eyes lingered on each other as we walked through the doors. 

I walked into my suite and shut the door in utter disbelief. There is no way this is actually happening. I threw my stuff down on the couch in the sitting area and dug my phone out of my bag to text Lauren.

ME: You’re never going to believe this. 

LAUREN: Well, hello to you too, jerk. I’ve been waiting to hear from you.

My phone started ringing. She wasted no time calling me. I answered, acutely aware that he was right next door. I was paranoid he could hear me. I stayed on the opposite end of the suite, pacing and talking in a hushed voice. 

“Well? What’s the big news? Did you finally get laid?” Lauren said sarcastically.  

“What?! No. Shut up. I am dying right now. His room literally shares a wall with mine. He’s next door. It’s his alarm that's been waking me up the last two mornings.” 

She was quiet for what seemed like forever. Then there was a burst of laughter. 

“You absolutely cannot make this stuff up,” she said through her maniacal guffaws. 

“So, are you going to tell me what you’ve been doing all this time? I need details.”

“Not many details to be had. We’ve been downstairs at the restaurant talking. We realized our rooms were next to each other after we called it a night. We both laughed about it.” 

“That’s all I get? Really?”

“Yes.”

“You. Suck.”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want to read into anything that’s not there. I know if I tell you, we’ll both be doing that. Honestly, I think he’s lonely and just wants someone to hang out with who isn’t fawning over who he is.”  

“Wait, so does he know that you know who he is?”

“No. I haven’t said anything.” 

“Don’t you think maybe you should?”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t want him to think I was looking him up though.”

“Good point. Maybe it’ll come up naturally next time you see him. Assuming you do.” 

I was quiet. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her we had already discussed dinner tomorrow. 

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Oh my gosh, fine. He’s going to be done early tomorrow, so we’re going to meet for dinner again.”

“Oh. Yeah. There is totally nothing to this,” she said sarcastically.

“That’s it. I’ve got to go. I’m tired. Bye. Goodnight.” 

“Let me know how tomorrow goes!” I heard her yelling as I hung up.  

I got ready for bed. After laying there in the dark for what seemed like forever, I reached for my phone and searched his name again. There were so many pictures and videos of him out with his friends. There were also a lot of him with people he worked with and at events. Nothing recent romantically linking him to any girls though. I skimmed comments on the pictures. On several, there were people arguing about his relationship status and preferences. Poor guy, no wonder he wasn’t dating anyone. The general public and paparazzi were all up in his business.  I heard the faint sound of a TV click on, next door. It seems Dieter was having trouble sleeping too. It was nearing midnight, and I was still wide awake. Knowing that he was just on the other side of the wall was kind of driving me crazy. I could feel the magnetic pull, drawing me to him. I decided I was going to get up and take some melatonin in hopes that would knock me out. About 30 minutes later, I finally drifted off into another restless sleep. 

A/N: Things really start heating up between our dear Dieter and Talia in the next chapter. I promise, it’s coming soon. 😉

Next Chapter

[bisexual-cryptid]

a short guide on writing smoking weed

a lot of people on my post about being able to tell whether an author has smoked or not have mentioned wanting to write that stuff but being concerned bc they have never done it themselves, so here’s a short guide on what smoking weed is like/ how to write it

when someone is smoking for the first time they most likely won’t feel anything/ it’ll take a while for it to kick in. now this is not the case for everyone, but for the most part it takes a few times of smoking before anyone feels the effects. for example- it took about 10 smoke sessions before i felt anything when i first started smoking

it is normal for someone to cough after smoking, even if they are experienced. my dad has been smoking weed every day for around 25 years and even he still coughs sometimes.

that being said, some forms of smoking are more likely to make you cough. a bong is less likely to make you cough, although it still can. and a joint or pipe is more likely to make you cough. (at least in my experience. it’s different for some people though)

depending on the strand the weed will have a different effect.

sativa is a more energizing, and you feel it most in your head (that floaty feeling you hear people talk about is most related to sativa) it can help with anxiety and stress

indica is a more relaxing and it is often associated with a full body high (your body feeling heavy and relaxed and kinda like you don’t wanna move) it helps most often with stuff like insomnia and helping sleep better

there are also hybrids (what i’m most experienced with) which do a mixture of both

weed can be super helpful for helping with anxiety and stress but for some people it does the opposite. it can make people really paranoid and anxious. (weed helps me calm down if i’m having a panic attack but it makes it worse for my dad if he smokes while in the middle of a panic attack)

some people don’t like weed for this reason, bc for some people it really does just make them feel worse.

saying that, even someone who is calmed down by weed, can sometimes have a bad high. especially if you get too high, it can make you feel really awful and anxious.

when smoking (for an experienced smoker) weed tends to kick in pretty fast. it’s not you take one hit and you’re gone. it usually takes a couple minutes or so, and it takes more than one hit (for most people) to get high. but it also depends on the type of weed, some strands are stronger than others and get you higher faster

weed on its own can’t give you a hangover. sometimes if you smoke enough, or most often it happens with edibles, that you can wake up after a night of being high and still be a little high, and it’s never very fun, it leaves you a little disoriented, but you don’t get nauseous or a headache or anything like that.

weed mixed with alcohol however will give you the worst hangover of your life. if you get high and only have a beer or two with it, you’ll be fine and probably won’t feel anything the next day. however, if you get drunk and high, you will feel like shit the next day.

edibles are very different from smoking. they take much longer to kick in (usually about 1-2 hours) and they last for a lot longer. usually smoking only lasts for at most a couple hours, but edibles often last upwards of 3-5 hours. they also often hit harder than smoking does, bc it’s harder to know how something will hit you with edibles

how hard edibles hit and how long they last also depends on a few other factors. how much you’ve eaten that day- if you’ve only eaten a little or haven’t eaten in a few hours the edible will hit faster and harder, but if you’ve eaten a lot or super recently it will hit later and will be weaker.

also, how often you take edibles effects it. if you take them super often they take longer to kick in and last for less time, but if you haven’t taken them in a while they hit faster and stronger.

the effects of weed: for the most part it’s pretty straight forward. the clichés you hear are mostly right. a kind of floaty feeling, or your body feeling heavy are pretty accurate. it can also feel like you have tunnel vision sometimes or that your eyes have a hard time focusing on things. moving feels weird. it’s hard to explain if you haven’t experienced it, but it feels different depending on the strand. with sativa it often feels (for me at least) like everything is moving faster but with indica it often feels like everything is moving really slow.

for the most part, it’s not super easy to tell when someone is high. someone has to be really high for it to be outwardly noticeable. for the most part at least. i have some friends who you can tell right away bc they get super giggly, but for the most part it’s not noticeable.

however, that does not mean it doesn’t feel like it’s noticeable. without fail, every time i’ve been high, i’ve been sure everyone can tell, bc it’s really obvious to me, but for the most part no one has ever been able to tell without me telling them.

people sometimes get something called “the shakes” it’s normal and isn’t dangerous or anything, but it can be a little scary the first time it happens. for some people it means they shake really bad while high, for others (like me) it means you get really twitchy while high.

the munchies are also pretty common. i personally don’t get them, but i have a ton of friends who do. it basically just means you get really snarky while high. it’s probably the most commonly known effect of weed.

weed is not a hallucinogenic. if you are high and start seeing things it means the weed was laced with something, bc weed on its own doesn’t do anything other than get you high. it doesn’t cause hallucinations or anything in that realm.

weed is not addictive. you literally can not get addicted to it, however you can become emotionally dependent on it. you can’t get withdrawal symptoms from it bc you cant get physically dependent on it, but you can become emotionally dependent.

what that means is, you can become more irritable or anxious if you use weed super often, and haven’t smoked in a while. for example, if i haven’t gotten high in a few days, i start to feel more anxious and depressed bc i use it to help with my anxiety and depression.

and those are the basics of smoking weed to help with writing it if you haven’t smoked before!! if you have any questions please feel free to ask them! or if you have different experiences to me and want to reblog talking about them, also feel free! i hope this was helpful!!

[mimzy-writing-online]

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."

[nights-legacy]

denki (or any mha character you feel comfortable writing)x yn who suffers from ptsd (car crash)

angst to comfort?

like the class has to get a bus to usj for training & yn is kinda anxious from the start but ends up going into a silent panic attack on the bus and it takes a second for him to realise.

you don’t have to follow the plot, but you get the idea. thanks- this is more like a comfort thing.

(disregard this if you don’t want to write it,

it’s fine)

Sorry it took so long but here it is! I hope you like it!

Automotive Apprehension - Kaminari x Reader

Masterlist MHA Masterlist

1270 Words Warnings: mentions of anxiety, descriptions of panic attacks. Please read with caution. Requests are still open! Checked pinned post for guidelines.

Y/N's POV

Everyone was super excited as soon as Aizawa sensei told us to get ready to go to the USJ. This was the first time we’ve gotten to go since the incident on the 3rd day of class. By now, all of us have been able to get to know eachother better and figure out the beginnings of working together. 

“Woo Hoo!!” Kami jumped around in front of me. In that time, I had come to be really good friends with the electric ferret of the class. “Back to the USJ. Let’s hope there’s no attack again.” He looked back at me with a ‘uh oh’ face. I laughed at him as he jumped into place next to me. 

“Knock on wood!” I hit him in the arm. He overdramatically stopped before scrambling and yelling he needed wood. He ran around and in between people. He didn’t come back until we all made it to the bus. I froze on the spot when I saw the vehicle. Memories of a bad car accident flashing through my mind. 

“Found some wood.” I jumped out of my daze as Kami came back panting. I looked at him as he was leaning on his knees, catching his breath. He looked up at me after a moment. “Ready to go?” 

“Yeah.” I gave a side eye to the bus. I could feel the anxiousness rising slowly in my chest. I slowly followed the blonde to the door. I paused at the step. Kami must have noticed my absence because he looked back at me. 

“You good, L/N?” I looked up and nodded. 

“Yep.” I forced myself onto the bus and followed Kami to a couple of empty seats. Once everyone was settled, Aizawa told the driver to go ahead. With the jolt of the bus starting forward, my anxiety spiked. I clasped my hands in my lap. I tried to keep my breathing even but it was increasingly difficult. 

When I was 8 years old, my parents and I had gotten into a bad car wreck and barely survived. In the few moments the actual wreck took place, I remember every bit of it. To this day, I can’t be in a car without nearly panicking. Normally, my mom or dad is always there and keeps me distracted or comforted. Now they’re not. The first time we went to the USJ, the excitement of being in the hero course and going for training was still running high, keeping me distracted. 

“Shit.” I muttered as the bus got out into loud traffic. I pulled my arms in, wrapping them around myself while my leg started bouncing. I could hear Kami talking next to me but was retaining anything. 

“There’s a traffic accident up ahead and we’ll be delayed for a bit. Behave yourselves.” Aizawa announced. My head snapped up. I swallowed but it felt like it was caught. I slightly gasped for air while holding myself tighter. My eyes darted from the front view from the bus to the lines of cars on either side of us. 

“No, no, no.” I repeated in my head. Tears were building in my eyes. I closed them and tried to keep them in. Everything around me muffled out as I was trying to keep myself together. 

“L/N?” I heard someone call my name but didn’t look up. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder. “L/N! Hey calm down.” I forced my eyes open and looked to see Kami looking at me worried. “What’s going on? What has you like this?”

“Pa-pan-panic att…” I tried to get out. He looked at me confused before finally connecting the dots. 

“Oh, oh! Shit.” He lowered his voice. “What can I do? Shit, do you not want me to touch you? I’m sorry!” He went to move away but I latched onto his jacket. He re-wrapped his arm around me. “What can I do?”

“Cover my…” I flinched and buried my head in his chest when a car honked near us. His hands gently grabbed my head. He maneuvered it to where he was covering one ear and the other was pressed against his chest. His other hand started rubbing up and down my back. I could feel him talking to someone before something was slipped over my ears. All noise was blocked out. I looked up at him. 

“Good?” I read his lips. I nodded and he smiled. He pulled me into close and continued to rub my back. He also sat where I couldn’t see out the windows. After a bit, I could feel the bus moving again. I tried to pay it no mind but still flinched and gasped every now and again. 

“Crap.” I muttered to myself as the bus stopped. The ear muffs were taken off and I looked up at Kami. 

“Come on. Let’s get off the bus and then you can tell me what happened once you’ve calmed down. If you want to, of course.” I nodded and followed him out.  He didn't let go of my hand all the way to the doors of the building. Once inside, Kami pulled me off to one side and sat me down. We sat silently while I finally caught my breath.

“Thank you Kami.” I said after a few moments. He smiled while squeezing my hand. 

“You’re welcome.” He rubbed circles in the back of my hand. “Can you tell me what happened back there?”

“Well…” I took a big breath. I went into the story of what happened to me years ago and now I have high anxiety when it comes to anything involving vehicles. I explained that it only applied to cars, buses, and such and that trains and planes didn’t bother me. I also told him that usually my mom or dad were with me and kept me distracted. 

“Wow. I am sorry that that happened to you. I know there isn’t much I can do then this but I’ll help you regardless.” He gave me a soft smile. “I will say that I am glad you did survive because I wouldn’t have met such an amazing person.” 

“Thank you Kami.” I said while giving him a hug. 

“Maybe we can even see if we can find a way for you to overcome this. I know you’re stronger than the fear. It just takes time.” 

“I’d like that. I don’t like this but I know with help I can get past it.” I admitted. He nodded before messing up my hair. 

“Ready to get to training?” I nodded. We got up and walked to meet the others. No one questioned our disappearance which I was grateful for. As we were being split up, Aizawa pulled me aside. 

“Yes sensei?” 

“You alright to train, kid?” He asked. I nodded. “Okay. If you need to in the future, bring earphones or something for the ride. Anything that will help you. I know PTSD can be.”

“How did you?”

“The accident is in your background file for the school. I also saw how you reacted when we got caught in traffic. I was able to connect the dots. So, do whatever helps you okay? Now get back to your group.” He dismissed me. I smiled before thanking him and leaving. 

“What was that about?” Kami asked as I walked back up. “Oh, just some teacherly advice and stuff. Nothing to worry about.” I bumped shoulders with him. “Now, I hope you knocked on enough wood earlier. Don’t need anything else to happen today.” 

“Don’t Jinx it!!!!” He yelled, causing all of us to laugh.

Tag List: @spicy-therapist-mom @dxnaii-rxse @iris-shihabi @l0vely-lee

[darkdevasofdestruction]

An Angel and A Demon ~ Pyramid Head x Reader

Update 2: My laptop restarted when I was in the middle of writing this, and trust me when I say it, I am positively pissed off, and I want to end my days, that's how bad of a day this was.

And I didn't leave the house.

That says a lot about today...

Update 1: But, without further ado, I was half-way writing this story, and I received this ask, and let me tell you...

helloooo, i absolutely adored the fanfics you wrote about kazan and danny🥺 could i request one where pyramid head is just really whipped for and in love with the survivor! reader but he doesnt know how to announce it to them so he brings her random ,,gifts" in and outside the trials and protecting her bc well, im pretty sure he cant speak so he doesnt really have any other options on how to express his feelings??

I live for it.

Bless you for sending me this, it's the reason I'm still sane right now.

I love you, baby-cakes.

Update 3: I want to kill myself so bad. Just smash my head on a wall until it explodes or sth. I was so happy with how this imagine turned out, only fuck fucking tumblr to just fucking delete EVERYTHING just as I was about to put the last gif and hit POST NOW.

--------

For the 5th time writing this :

FUCKMEDADDY - but this time - FUCKMYBRAINSOUTPLEASEIWANNADIE

Thanks.

-------

Hell - What was that place, anyway?

Some would describe it as an infinite ocean of flames and lava, where it's eternally melting-hot, and a bunch of hooved, horned, tailed red demons torture you with acid, with their red pitch forks, or boil you alive in their cauldron for soup. Or maybe you just get tortured by Stalin, who knows?

But never would have anyone thought that 'Hell' could look so...Normal. Well, normal in a very demolished, desolate, ravished way, but still...Normal, by human standards. Albeit, the never-ending loop of madness, anguish, agony and desperation of getting killed in different gruesome ways or fleeing for their lives and feeling a myriad of emotions pumping adrenaline through their veins so badly that their anxiety-meter skyrocketed to abnormal levels.

All this darkness, this hatred, this...Everything...It changed all the survivors. They became selfish, stubborn, rude, some even went as far as to sacrifice their fellow survivors in trials, just so they could survive. It was a complete mayhem that defied all kinds of reason, normality, morality or even ethics. Everyone became devoid of any laws that used to bind them to their humane sides, and now, you weren't sure if the killers were saner than the survivors or not.

But even in this abyss where you couldn't even see your hand in front of your very eyes, there was a little star - A beautiful angel radiating brightness and warmth, someone who was somehow able to guide everyone's straying souls with her benevolence.

In reality, she was merely a survivor, not the little lantern from an angler fish's head, but she treated everyone with such an untainted kindness...It was beautiful, and yet, unrequited for most parts. Everyone was still putting their own lives above all - And who could condemn them? - Perhaps their cowardice, for the girl preferred to save her fellow survivors as much as possible, even if that oftentimes assured her place on the hook, to be a sacrificial lamb for the Entity.

On the other hand, she rarely ended up on the hook - Most killers prefer to kill her themselves, instead of letting her become pray for the horrible Entity who tortured so many of them for refusing to cooperate - The Trapper, Evan MacMillan - He knew the best, with those hooks digging into his flesh, impossible to extract. He was the first to protect this girl. It wasn't much, but if he had to, he'd rather give her a swift, painless death, than seeing her without that serene, angelic smile on her face, as the Entity feeds on the last bits of her soul's beauty, the last parts of her humanity.

The other Killers were confused at the Trapper's actions, but little by little, they began to understand why this girl was so precious and special - And this domino effect hit Rin Yamaoka next, with Y/N stopping in the middle of a chase and taking off her jacket, just as Rin was about to butcher her with her katana, and she smiled, extending it to her. 'You must be cold' she said, realising that the Spirit was merely wearing a few bandages, not even her school uniform, or her kimono.

The ghost girl was shaken up by this, and told the others at the killer camp, but they just shrugged it off - Rin was a little girl who faced close to no kindness, they weren't surprised she was so taken aback by such a feat. That is, until Adiris, in a particularly terrible day, when everyone at the camp was staying away from her, as her profane censer wasn't able to cover the stench of rotting flesh - Y/N came over, taking out a small yet elegant glass bottle with pink liquid on it, spraying some on her - And now, The Plague smelled of roses and vanilla - 'You can come to me for perfume whenever you want, I always carry some with me!' she grinned at the Babylonian High Priestess, before leaving back to the survivor's camp site, leaving the ancient God symbol to stare with her mouth agape at the girl.

These words began to spread, and it was no surprise when the killers saw Susie clinging and begging her Legion friends to spare Y/N, for she was there to hug away her worries more than once, to tell her sweet words, to play with her hair and play the guitar whatever songs she wanted to hear, to get reminded of her home - She was so home sick that she freaked out, but now she was better, thanks to Y/N - 'I know you miss home, but sometimes, home is where your best friends are, and all three of them are here!' she tried to encourage the cute pink-haired girl who could only squeal and hug her new friend.

Even Ghostface wasn't exempt from falling to her charms, and they would often take silly selfies and mess around, making fun of the old horror movie tropes and doing lots of puns and pranks - So much that she even got his trust to be told about the Danny/Jed thing, and how he began his killer profession - 'You're a very talented photographer, Danny! You deserved all that recognition you got, both as a journalist, and as a killer!'

And very soon, Y/N found herself in the crushing arms of an overprotective Anna, humming her mother's lullaby together with walking through the forest, Y/N making flower crows for all the female killers at the camp site, and little by little, she somehow managed to worm her way under everyone's skins.

Y/N was the survivor with the highest survivability percentage, and maybe the Entity sometimes got pissed off, but at least she still got killed sometimes, so who cares? Well, that was soon to change as soon as a new Killer was added to this sick game - Pyramid Head, the terror of Silent Hill, as Cheryl, the new Survivor, called him - or The Executioner, as he was known now. He was ruthless, merciless, grotesque - He had his own criteria of killing, his own moral compass, ethics, conscience and understanding of the concept of life and death. Nothing that could compare to the visions of humans, clearly - Everything was gravitating around Divine Retribution and Justice, but the from the outside, he was nothing but a killing machine.

He would kill everyone and anyone that crosses his path, without fail.

Y/N felt like her fortune ended completely the second she found herself in the new, overly cramped map, with Pyramid Head as the killer - She couldn't help but run around like a spazzic meerkat, trying to find and fix as many generators as possible, without having to get face to face with the walking hazard...

Only to run past a stuck Pyramid Head.

Slowly backtracing her steps, she saw the mountain of a man with his metal pyramid stuck in the frames a low window which he tried to walk over. He was trashing like a raged bull trying to attack a matador, but it was clear he was getting nowhere with this.

"H-Hey, u-uhm...Need some help?" she asked in a soft, careful voice, almost like a meek cat trying to test the waters, but in return, he started groaning even louder from the wrath he wanted to unleash upon the whole world. "Okay, uhm...I think I saw a can of vaseline in one of the chests around. I'll go fetch it and I'll come back for you. Don't move." she said, only to then realise how horrible that sounded, considering the situation, and it only seemed to anger the killer. "...I'm sorry, ignore me, I'm an idiot." she slapped herself pretty harshly before bolting out of there trying to find the chest.

However, Y/N cursed herself for not having perfectly memorised the whole map by heart already, since she found the vaseline can after the 3rd chest, and then, it took quite a while to find the bloody window that got the killer stuck - And by the time she got there, she was dead tired. "Okay, I'm here, I found the vaseline! Let's try to get you out of here." Y/N muttered as she put her feet on the low window pane to get to his level. "If it's not too much trouble, could you please hold onto me? I can't balance myself with both hands occupied, and I'd rather not fall." she explained as she opened the vaseline can, only to shiver as she felt two big, strong hands getting a firm grip on her hips. It was almost...Endearing, were she not too busy trying to get the killer unstuck. She kept massaging the metal edge, trying to push and pull, also praying to whatever deity that existed in her human world that she had her tetanus shot done on time - Until finally, she was able to get hear a loud screech, like a pop, and the killer got unstuck, and in the process, he stumbled backwards, while Y/N fell down on her butt.

"Ouchie..." she muttered, rubbing her back and sides to take away the pain surging through her body. "Are you okay?" she asked, almost intuitively, without realising it at first, until she heart a low grunt that brought her back to reality. "O-Oh...! You have glass shards stuck in your side! And you're bleeding too! Hold up, let me help." she hurried to his side, while the killer merely stiffened, feeling her delicate, slender fingers tracing his body, while he heaved and slouched his shoulders from the repressed wrath. "It may sting a bit, and I'm really sorry, but I promise it will be better soon." her voice was so motherly and warm, which also resonated in her actions, as she gingerly took a water bottle and imbued some tissues with it, to wipe away the blood smearing down his skin as she extracted the glass shards, and then..."This is grandma's marigold ointment. It's really good, and it smells nice." she explained as she carefully smeared a thick layer of the yellow ointment on the biggest wounds, while the little ones were covered by smiley-flower patterned plasters. They were cute, and colourful, and they never failed to make her smile. "Okay, there we go, all better! I hope you'll feel better very soon!" her voice got a tiny bit more cheerful and upbeat.

It made the Killer think about a trillion things, as he stepped in front of her, towering over her like the Empire states building next to a smiling pomeranian. What was with this girl? Why did she help a killer? And why did he feel so...Warm inside? He could sense a foreign kind of luminosity, a naivite and innocence that he only witnessed in children and animals. This woman in front of him was untainted by the darkness and evil of the world.

It didn't matter how many hardships she's been through, or how much sadness she had to endure - Her soul remained as pure as any snowdrop, as the first snow of winter, as the fleece of a baby lamb who let out its first 'meeeeh' to its mamma sheep.

He couldn't allow this human to be maimed in any way - Not by the world, not by the Entity, and certainly not by him. - Screw the Entity, Pyramind Head kills by his own rules, and now, he was blessed to be faced with a human who bore no real hatred for her peers, or for the world, despite the horrible situation she was thrown into.

He didn't understand, obviously, especially as he remembered the myriad of abominations that lurked through Silent Hill, all of them created by the torment of humans - The very torment that distorted their own reality, which resulted in him needing to solve the purpose as The Executioner - Eradicating the world of all evil.

"Th-This sword is so heavy...H-How can you carry this around like that...?! Your muscles must be so strained and sore...Y-You really need a massage, I'm sure." she stuttered as she tried to lift the much taller and heavier sword from the ground, only for the brute to simply bend and pick it up with extreme ease, putting the girl to shame with her complete lack of strength. "Hehe...You're really strong. I'm embarrassed now." she chuckled softly, scratching the back of her neck.

Before she could leave or do anything else, Pyramid Head picked her up by the throat, careful not to hurt her or restrict her air intake - I mean, how else was he supposed to carry her so he wouldn't hurt her with his metal head or sword? - and it was pretty clear she didn't feel any malevolence from him, as she clinged on his forearm, trying to keep herself up, only to be dumped on top of the hatch, as the killer pointed towards it, so she would leave.

"O-Oh...! Thank you so much! You're really kind! I really appreciate this...I-I know it probably doesn't matter much to you, since you'll be doing this over and over again with all the survivors...But I really appreciate you for your kind gesture, and I appreciate you for being so nice with me. Thank you. Take care!" her dazzling smile lit the whole place up, but he couldn't talk, nor could he tell her how he should be the one thanking her for showing him that, despite the hundreds and thousands of years he had to roam the 'Earth' and execute the injust, miracles still existed.

As soon as she reached the survivor's camp, everyone cheered for her, asking how in the world could she have escaped the wrath of the butcher. "Oh, but he wasn't that bad. In fact, he's much more humane than I anticipated! I think he has a beautiful, blooming heart!" okay, she's lost it - the other survivors thought - but even so, she's always been a bit...Out of it, so who cares?

It took quite a while for the other three survivors to reach the camp, all bloody, in fact, like the new killer, who dragged himself with the same menace to the Killers' camp. "How the hell did you manage to survive?!" they yelled at her in utter shock, seeing that she got out of there unscratched. "Oh, you see...I found the hatch." she shrugged simply, not wanting to give away that the person who massacred those three was a soft one and he basically threw her down the hatch to her safety.

As she took a twig to roast a marshmallows, she noticed how Pyramid Head was standing much farther away from the rest of the killers - She knew that silent killers were bound to stay away from the more obnoxious one, remembering how Michael Myers almost killed Ghostface and The Legion at least a dozen times - But this time...He seemed kinda...Lonely? So Y/N took the matters into her own hands, roasted another marshmallow in another twig, and when it was done, she went to the killer's camp, calling out the lonely one's name - She has no idea why, but he actually followed her, pushing her further deep into the forest, until he was sure nobody was going to hear, see or interrupt them...

"Hey. You seemed pretty lonely out there...I thought you could use a friend. Thank you again for what you did at the trial...Here, this is a marshmallow. I don't think you've had many before...Cheryl told me of that horrible place you had to live in...So I hope this will make your day a bit better!" Y/N extended one of her hands towards him, so he could take the marshmallow - And a long, black tongue erupted from underneath the pyramid, snatching away the fluffy marshmallow and gulping it in one go.

What the hell was he turning into?

A towering man built of pure muscle, wrath and divine justice, with a pyramid representing the evil of humanity burdening his body, and a sword taller and heavier than the average human being constantly dragged in one of his hand...He now was a slave to a cute, innocent girl who was putting flower plasters on his minuscule wounds that would heal in a heartbeat regardless - He saved this girl who was now offering his these soft, squishy things that tasted overly sugarly, just like her upbeat and cheerful personality - If he could eat her, he was sure she would taste even sweeter than this - A sickish kind of sweet, that is.

She was indeed a beautiful angel in this tragic hell. But he didn't wait to snatch the second marshmallow either.

"Ah...! You liked it, didn't you? Well...Next time, I promise I'll give you more!" she grinned at him the same way a princess would to her chivalrous knight who saved her. The since he couldn't talk, silence took over them - It wasn't an uncomfortable one, per se, but it made it feel as if the conversation was over. "W-Well...I'll guess I'll see you around! Take care and I hope to see you again soon!" she waved cutely, trying to turn around back to her camp, only to feel a rough hand on her shoulder, turning her around and urging her to stop and wait for him and he went deep into the forest, leaving her alone and undefended by the potential malevolent forces of the forest.

When he returned, however, he stepped right in front of her, creating the perfect shade as he towered over her - Then he kneeled in front of her, so he would reach her eye sight, then he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and put a beautiful pink flower - As pink as the blush that started creeping on her face - He wanted to see her luminous face better, to highlight her dazzling smile and her glimmering eyes as the warm, silver light of the mother moon caressed her face.

Y/N felt her heart picking up the pace - It was beating so much faster than ever before - But this time, it wasn't out of fear or anything negative...It was something good. Something she never felt in her life, especially with her human acquaintances from back home. None was as chivalrous and gentle with her as this butcher of tormented souls - The bringer of justice, the merciless Executioner who was supposed to end the life of every living being that would cross his path.

It was insane how every Yin finds its Yang, even if that comes in the form of a little lamb of a small, frail girl, and a huge abomination of a brute man who knows nothing but death, bloodshed and carnage. It was truly crazy how opposites attract, and here she was, holding the killers large hands and gingerly putting them on her face, leaning into his touch - She felt safer now than ever in her life - Now, in the arms of an ancient killer.

An Angel and A Demon brought together in a perfect union.

As she leaned down, she touched the metal of the pyramid where she anticipated his forehead would be with her own forehead, and closing her eyes, she finally felt herself calming down. There was no need for words, actions spoke louder than anything, and she appreciated it...She appreciated him.

"Thank you." she whispered to him, knowing that yes, even though nobody else would hear it anyway, it was much more intimate than anything she ever experienced.

She was hooked.

Hope you liked my completely shameless pun, I couldn't stop it, especially after the pain I went through trying to write this...3 freaking times.

Yay.

[xpeachesncream]

bands | sixteen

[ series masterlist ]

summary: jeon jungkook has it all: the looks, the fame, the money, the women. being considered the sexiest man in the industry, he finds no complaints about the way his life is going nor does he find any reason to apologize for the way he approaches it. he is a force to be reckoned with - until he meets you.

pairing: stripper!reader x idol!jjk

genre: (18+) strip club/nightlife au, post grad au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 5.0k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, angst, anxiety, alcohol consumption, slight intoxication, physical abuse, slight verbal abuse, belittling, mentions of cuts/wounds but nothing too graphic, mentions of coke

tags: @brightcolorsoffendme @min-nicoleee @eggbutnotyolk @ra-mun-e @miinoongi @jimidol @ppeachyttae @thebeebi @bluesharksandfish @kooafraid @liriaus @thisartemisnevermisses @ggukkieland @preciouschimine @sunniejinnie @cypheruby @cyb3rbab3 @masterlists101 @awhnamjoon @redhedhoseok @wooya1224 @taeismydeath​ @jikookiekosmos​ @un2-verse​ @aynsx​ @wearenot7withu​ @knjeuphoria​ @bringitseijoh​ (closed!)

Jungkook laid on the dorm couch, legs sprawled out as he wore his hood and covered his face as much as possible. He shut his eyes, trying to make sense of the cryptic texts you had sent him.

"We shouldn't do this anymore."

"I can't do this, Jungkook."

"You don't deserve this."

"I'm only trouble."

"We aren't going to work."

He repeatedly called you, asking for an explanation, a way to help make things better because none of this should have been the reason for you to want to call it 'quits' like that. He asked for you to talk to him. He'd call and after two rings, it'd bring him straight to voicemail. It never failed. Indeed, there was much more to the text but he only fixated on a few lines, and those few lines seem to be circling his head time and time again with no sign of leaving him alone.

"I think I'm falling in too deep and I need to stop this while I can. You hear them, you hear the shit they say. I would never let them ruin you, I don't want them to. You deserve better. Maybe it's true that I don't fit into this."

It frustrates him, every single time. Where the hell did he go wrong? Why was there a sudden change? Something was off, and god forbid if his assumptions were right. But, everything was leading right back to it. The way you called in sick, the way you shut everyone out. The way you texted him these things, wouldn't pick up his calls just to tell him you're busy or whatever the hell it was. It didn't sound like you. It didn't seem like you at all.

All things led right back to the club. To Bigs. Where you felt high and mighty. Wanted. Like no one could ever hurt you the way they did outside of the club because they worshipped you in there. They knelt down to you. The way you were so fucking tough there. He knew this is where you would fall back if things got rough. He couldn't help but think that you had been forced into it though, because he knew you didn't give a shit about that anymore. Ah well, forced or not, it just felt so off. Unusual.

"Hey." Namjoon sits on the floor near Jungkook's head. "You good?" He asks even though he's fully aware he's not. Joon hates those people who ask if something's wrong when clearly, something is wrong — however, he wasn't really sure how else to open up this conversation without coming off too pushy or forward. Too insensitive, even.

"Nope."

"What's going on?" Jungkook sighs as he tries to lower his hood even more, although there's no more of his hood to lower. He keeps his hand on his face, trying his hardest to keep himself together.

"I don't know." Now, going back to earlier — everyone can tell Jungkook isn't happy. They've tried to butter him up and make him feel better even though they knew you were the only person who could truly make him happy again. They've tried to talk to him in one way or another, but they never forced him if he didn't want to. The only person that really hasn't said much was Jimin, and that also pisses him off because if he had anything to do with this, he will surely fuck him up for ruining his happiness.

"You hear from Y/N? She still sick? Does she need anything?"

"She's not sick."

"Hm?" Joon slightly turns back, confused.

"Something else is wrong."

"Like what?"

"She's not picking up my calls. Not answering my texts the way she normally does. When she does, it's super blunt or one worded."

"Maybe she's really not feeling well, or just caught up with things—"

"No, hyung. I know her, she always has her priorities straight. Even if she was sick, she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't go as far as to shutting her own brother out."

"Idol life too overwhelming? I get it." Jimin jokes as he walks into the kitchen, making Jungkook shoot his head up to glare at him.

"The fuck, can you not? I don't see why you feel the need to joke around right now."

"Jeez, sorry. I just thought I'd lighten up the mood somehow."

"Come on, dude." Namjoon looks at him with disappointment, Jimin only returning the gesture by rolling his eyes and walking away. "How can I help you?" Joon asks, returning his attention back to Jungkook.

"Maybe I was being selfish bringing her into all of this. These people— they're fucking mean, and she's already had her fair share of dealing with mean people. How am I supposed to protect her all while not feeling selfish about it?"

"You're not selfish, who told you that?"

"Jimin." That's like strike.. whatever to Namjoon at this point. Why the hell was Jimin being so fucking weird?

"Look, I know it's not easy in this industry. But I think what you can do is prove to her that you won't hurt her, especially with everyone around her doing nothing but hurting her. You need to show her that you're different from the rest of them, that she can fully trust you. If I were in her shoes, to be honest, it would be scary for me. You got a whole lot of shit going on in your life. You're expected to provide a lot, and on top of that, you haven't had the best reputation with women."

"Yeah, I hear you."

"Then, nothing else matters. You keep fighting for her if she really matters to you. Does she?"

"Of course she does, I mean, can't you tell? I've never been this way over someone." Joon nods.

"You sure as fuck haven't. It still catches me and the guys by surprise. But, I'm happy to see someone helping you become a better person. She's been nothing but genuinely sweet, and I know she already does a hell of a job taking care of you."

"She's— I don't know. She's become so important to me."

"I know she has, and I'm happy to hear that. I really am." Joon sighs. "So tell me, what can I do? I hate seeing you like this."

"Well, I'm sure as hell not allowed at the club. Bigs will do anything to get back at me for what I did to him. He won't hesitate."

"I won't let him. We won't. You really think she went back?" Jungkook nods.

"Positive. Something doesn't feel right. It feels weird. And I feel like she was egged into this. I don't like it one bit."

"Want me to go check out the club tonight?"

"Yeah, please?" Jungkook says. "But don't be too obvious. Bring Jin hyung or someone who could use a lap dance or two."

"Sooo Jin hyung?" They chuckle.

"Yeah, exactly."

"And if she's there?"

"Then I'm going straight to her tomorrow night. I just need to make sure I do this right because I don't want her or Kai to get hurt. I'll stay out there if I have to just to make sure she doesn't go back. What else do I have to do—" Jungkook pauses to stop himself because this clearly wasn't you. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Who the fuck made her do this?"

"Bigs, who else?"

"No, she wouldn't listen to just Bigs. He's definitely working with someone and using shit against her."

"Okay, let's just not assume the worst. I'll head there tonight and drag Jin hyung with me."

"Thanks hyung, I really appreciate it."

"No problem." Joon gently massages his shoulder before getting up from his spot to make his way back to his room.

All Jungkook can think about doing is sleeping more right now. He'll send the occasional text to check on Kai and see how he was doing, but they both worried too much about you and Jungkook would hate to tell him that you ended up going back to the club. He didn't think he would tell him, he didn't think he'd have to because he was gonna make sure to get you out of there before shit hit the roof again. If it hasn't already, and he's hoping it hasn't.

And so when Namjoon and Jin hyung [obviously in need of that lap dance or two] head out to the club, Jungkook stays in his dorm room, suddenly feeling the adrenaline rushing through his body even though he can't do shit besides sit here and wait. He goes through the random pictures he's taken of you - the cute, candid photos he had of you, the cute candid photo of you as his lock screen. He deletes all the texts in his inbox even though he knows it might have been a little late. It honestly hasn't mattered to him in such a long time, but he just never got around to wiping his inbox clean since he was so caught up with you - his baby.

"Is this going to turn into some kind of action movie? We bust through the doors, take down all the guards and steal Y/N?"

"No, hyung. Jesus. Do you forget you're an idol? That's probably the very last thing we should do."

"So, what do we do?"

"We just walk in there like we normally do?"

"Boring."

"Plus, we can't have Bigs onto us like that. We have to act like we don't know anything."

"Do you really think he's using something against her?"

"I don't know. I have to be honest though, I think Jimin's involved."

"W-what?" Jin says, furrowing his brows. "No, he can't be."

"Trust me. He always acts so weird around her, and he's probably the one person who hasn't taken this as seriously. He hasn't said anything to Jungkook."

"But why though?"

"I don't know, beats me. I just don't think he respects her. Or, likes her. Whatever it is."

"She hasn't done anything to him though."

"That makes it worse, doesn't it?"

"How could you be so sure?"

"Look hyung, I'm not. I just think he's involved. My gut says so. We'll find out whether I'm right or not, right?"

"I hope you aren't. That'll really mess Kookie up."

"Well. I love him, but he'll have to learn the hard way for butting into someone else's business like that. No matter what the reason is." Namjoon parks the car and fixes his rolled up sleeves before adjusting the Rolex on his wrist. He looks at Jin once more, nodding in approval once they both feel like they've fixed themselves enough to look presentable, not questionable.

Meanwhile, you had just finished up your time on stage so you headed to the back to take a break. Bigs hadn't given you the option to secure private bookings knowing damn well there would be opportunity for Jungkook and some of his boys to slip through and try to work their magic in private. As much as possible, you were just trying to protect Jungkook, even though you knew he wouldn't back down without a fight. You knew Bigs wasn't all that tough, but right now, he seemed to hold a lot of power with Jimin being on his team. And you knew damn well it was Jimin all along. Did you have concrete evidence? No. But your gut feeling might as well be enough with the way he talks to you. Why else would Bigs all of a sudden feel all mighty? Bigs had threatened Jungkook and your brother enough to keep your mouth shut. Enough to keep your attitude level at a 0.

The scene played in your head over and over again—

"I gave you a better life, you ungrateful piece of shit. You do as I say and your little Jungkook and your little Kai won't get hurt. You think I'm scared of them, sweetie? You think I'm scared of you? Your stepfather don't give a damn about you two. I can easily send my men down to do their magic, especially after how Jungkook treated me. Is that how he repays me after all the special treatment I've given him?" Mr. Bigs hunched over you. "You two wanna play me like a fool, I'll show you two what it's like to be played like a fool." He pulled on your hair before aggressively releasing and spitting to the side.

There was no way they would get dragged into this. Not anymore. They didn't deserve to be included in this no matter what it was.

Boy, did you miss Jungkook. Everything about him. It took everything in you not to come running back. It took everything in you not to answer those calls or texts like you normally would.

You chose him, every single time. You wish he knew that. Him and Kai.

You sighed, sipping on the flask you snuck in. The alcohol relieving you of any pain, helping you feel numb as the night goes on. You didn't want to feel tonight, you just didn't. Why would you, when everything had just been hurting you lately?

You had just finished dancing out on the main stage, throwing your ass back to some Megan and Cardi. A few other dancers were gathered at a vanity, sneakily sniffing lines of coke while Bigs and his men were busy paroling the main stage.

"You want some of this, sis? In celebration of you coming back?" One of the other dancers smirks at you. You simply shake your head no and return to the flask in your hand.

"I'm good, thank you."

"Alright, well it's here if you want it. Just let me know, babe." Her and the other dancers go back to their business on the vanity. However, another dancer continues to eye you, sympathy filling her expression as she approaches you while you sip on your flask once more. You were starting to feel pretty tipsy again, hoping you could just hide out in the back 'till the very end of your shift.

"Y/N." She says, her hand gently on your arm. "You okay?"

"I'm good." You purse your lips together to prevent yourself from tearing up. Those words were triggering for you because you were not okay, whatsoever.

"Why did you come back, babe?" She genuinely asks, worried about you. "Did Bigs do something?"

"No." You lied. "Things just didn't work out elsewhere I guess, and I need money."

"Didn't work out? I saw the way Jungkook handled Bigs that night." If anything, she was probably the one dancer who paid attention to the environment around her. Everyone else was oblivious to the shit that's been happening and that's because they didn't give a fuck about anyone else. Her stage name was Trixie, but her real name was Miki. She too didn't really enjoy being here but her parents talked so much about how she was useless and couldn't make it out in the world, especially as a vlogger. She loved it. She loved being in front of the camera and talking to the world thru the lens. But her parents thought it was dumb— that she was dumb for even wanting to grow a career online like that. Besides all of it, she remained sweet, and she was always super nice to you. You wouldn't be surprised if she knew about you and Jungkook, and you honestly wouldn't have a problem with it. She never treated you wrong. She knew Bigs had a tendency to overstep and abuse the power he had with his status and his money. However, she knew he was a big coward and that he was all talk, no play — especially if it was outside of the club. He may be a big honcho here, but outside, he had no chance. And she couldn't wait until the day he'd get his for all the mess he's caused.

"Yeah well, things happen." She shakes her head.

"Y/N, you can talk to me. Look, as much as I love seeing your face, you have so much potential. You don't deserve to be stuck here. Let me help you figure this out."

"I'm okay, Miki. Thank you, though." She nods, not wanting to press you any further.

"Well, I'm here for you." She gives your arm one good squeeze before walking off.

Eventually, the rest of the dancers retreat back out onto the floor, leaving you to hide away in the back room as long as possible — which is why Namjoon can't get a glimpse of you anywhere out in the main area. Bigs is actually a little taken aback to see both him and Jin walking through the club, even after everything that has gone down. But hey, business is business— and if they weren't gonna cause any trouble, so be it. He knows though, he knows full well there's a possibility they're here for you.

"Boys! Long time no see!" He greets them, Joon and Jin giving him a toothless smile in return. "How've you been? What brings you in?"

"Mr. Bigs." Namjoon says, smoothing down his shirt. "Ah, we're good, just getting busy prepping for the tour. Wanted to take a little breather tonight."

"Well, I'm glad you guys came here to do so. Can I get you two anything to drink?" The both of them shake their heads. "Anything to help relieve that stress?"

"We're good, thanks. Just gonna sit out on the floor for a bit."

"You two let me know if there's anything I can do for you, at all." Bigs smiles at them as he begins to watch them walk away. "Make sure she's covered." Bigs slightly turns his head to speak through the headset mic, alerting his men to keep an eye out. He thinks he's said it low enough so that Jin and Namjoon don't hear, but Jin catches the movement in his peripherals, causing him to pinch Joon's bicep.

"Back room." Jin says, subtly nodding towards the backroom as he keeps his gaze out on the main stage and adjusts his tie. Namjoon looks around to see Bigs has welcomed himself to the other side of the club, speaking to a few customers, looking distracted.

"I'm gonna go see if I can talk to her."

"Talk?! You said we were just scoping her out. Don't cause any trouble, Namjoon-ah. Please."

"Oh, now you suddenly don't want this action movie to come alive?! You sure were talking a whole lot about it in the car."

"Since when do you even take me seriously?!"

"I always take you seriously, hyung!"

"How about you just sneak towards the back door and get her attention? You said we can't go all out like that!"

"There's guards there too."

"Look, I just don't want you or Y/N to get hurt. Maybe we should just lay low and figure out how we can approach this better."

"Hey, can I get you two anything?" Miki interrupts, fully aware of who they are and what they're here for.

"No, sweetie. Thank you." Jin responds, flashing his 100-watt smile.

"You looking for Y/N?"

"Depends who's asking?" Namjoon says, trying to keep his guard up.

"Look, I'm not gonna rat you out if that's what you think." She puts her hand on her hip, tray still balancing on her free hand. "She's in the backroom. But there's no way you can get to her. Bigs is watching her for whatever reason."

"Yeah, we're aware. Can you send her a message for me?"

"Sure. You have 10 seconds though or else Bigs is gonna be onto you." She points towards Bigs slowly making his way back.

"Just tell her that Jungkook is worried about her and wants to help. Or, we want to help. We just wanna know what's going on."

"I'll try, but she didn't let up when I asked earlier."

"Thanks." Joon sighs.

"Shoo, I'll find you guys around." She says, sneakily walking off towards the bar with her empty tray as Bigs starts to eye the main floor. Jin and Namjoon welcome themselves to a seat on the side of the stage, acting normal as possible by throwing bills onto the stage for the dancers. Miki tends to her customers before she's setting her tray down and pretending to take a cigarette from her bra to take a quick "break." She heads to the back to see you still sitting at your vanity, head resting against the palm of your hand.

"Babe." You turn to look at her, eyes slightly glossed over.

"Hm?"

"RM and Jin are here. They said they want to help you, and if you can tell them anything, that's all they'd want."

"Miki—"

"Girl, look. Don't let this man keep running your life like this. I don't care what he said or did, this isn't you. You need to get out of here and you need to let people in. People who genuinely care about you." You sigh.

"How is that possible when Jungkook's own bestfriend doesn't even like me? And ontop of that, Bigs even dragged my little brother and my evil ass stepfather into this. I can't let anything happen to him, he's the only thing I have."

"I get that, and I'm sure Jungkook will do whatever it takes to protect you both. Why are RM and Jin here then? Whatever Jungkook's other friend's issue is, he needs to figure it out. It's obviously his own problem, something he created himself for no reason."

"I know he's helping Bigs keep me away from Jungkook. All the hurtful shit in the media, all the shit he's been tossing in my face. Whatever, I get it. He wins. I don't belong."

"Don't say that."

"It's true, and I know even if I chose Jungkook, he'd choose his bestfriend over me. Why would he go against that? They've been together for so long. I'm a fucking nobody." Miki knows this is all the alcohol running through your veins, but at least now, she knows Bigs isn't doing this on his own [as she assumed, he's a fucking pussy for the most part - he's a pussy who got handsy with the dancers cause that's all he can do to feed his ego].

"I don't think that's true, and I don't think it's a fair assumption when he's stayed by your side, hasn't he? He hasn't given up on you." She says before walking out. Really, things were just completely scrambled in your head. Just fucked up. Your questions, your uncertainty was strong enough to pull you towards the negative - the what if's, the assumptions, the rumors, the shit-talking. After all that, the positives were dim.

Miki grabs her tray and serves the first couple of customers in dire need of their drinks before she heads over to Jin and Namjoon to spill the information she received from that conversation.

"She won't budge. It sounds like a lot of this shit talking got to her head, so she came back to make herself feel better but then Bigs ended up turning this around on her, threatening Jungkook and her brother. If I were you, I'd get Jungkook to her before she can even come back here. Make sure her brother is with him too. Bigs is all talk but being the guys that you are — I wouldn't take any chances to ruin your reputation and all that." She smacks on her gum. "And I hate to tell you this, but one of your little friends has been working with Bigs. I don't know who, but you better let that little shit know he was wrong for getting in her head like that. She deserves way better." She says with a punch of attitude before walking away.

"Jimin?" Jin mouths out to Namjoon, who only shrugs in response.

"Let's go." Namjoon tosses a couple of more bills before they head out.

"Have a good evening, boys." Bigs yells out, causing the two of them to return a tight-lipped smile.

"Are we going to tell Kookie about Jimin?"

"No? Because we don't even know ourselves. His name was never dropped, and we'll look dumb if we acted on assumptions."

"This is so fucked up." Jin sighs, looking out the window.

"You're telling me."

When they finally arrive back at the dorm, Namjoon and Jin find Jungkook pacing around in his room, tossing a rubber ball against the wall to keep himself occupied. His doe eyes dart over to them, letting the ball drop to the floor while he nervously walks closer to them.

"So?"

"I'm sorry, dude." Joon sighed. "From what it sounds like, all this mess just got to her head so she went back to the club to make herself feel better. But Bigs ended up bringing you and her brother into the situation so, I'm assuming she's distancing herself to protect you in some way?" Namjoon runs his hand through his hair. "Honestly, I really don't know, that's as much as we got."

"We didn't even talk to her or see her, some other dancer helped us out. I guess she's a friend of hers? Or maybe she just likes Y/N. She wanted to help." Jin says.

"Fuck!" Jungkook groans, slamming his hand down onto his bed. "Why couldn't she just talk to me? We could have figured this out."

"Look, I'm sure there's a lot more to it and I'm sure it's difficult for her. Promise me you'll hear her out when you see her."

"I mean, yeah I know, I will. But, how did this get to her head so easily? I really can't wrap my head around it, I—" He catches how tense Joon and Jin suddenly get. He watches them nervously looking at each other, making him cock his head to the side and furrow his brows. "Wait, what is it? You know something else, don't you?"

"I mean there's really no concrete facts behind it so we can't necessarily say it's true."

"Well?" Jungkook asks, his fists clenched so tightly his knuckles are turning white. But, before they could go any further, Jungkook's ringtone echos in the room. He quickly turns in case it's you calling, but he picks up anyway because it's someone equally as important.

"Kai?"

"C-can you come pick me up? My sister isn't picking up. I'll send you Eric's address." Jungkook worries when he hears the shakiness in his voice, his tone low to a whisper.

"Yeah, sit tight. I'll be right there." He hangs up, darting out of his room, Namjoon and Jin following after him.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to get to Kai."

"Let us come with!"

"Look, it'll be quicker if I go myself—"

"Jungkook-ah, stop. We're not gonna let you go alone." Joon and Jin make it just in time to join him in the elevator, heading straight for his car even if it's nearing 1am. Jungkook pulls up Kai's location, pressing on the gas to rush over there just in case Kai was hurt. And yes, Jungkook was going to give it to your fucking stepfather if he sees anything on Kai. He will fucking destroy him, he promises.

Jungkook, Namjoon and Jin walk into the house quietly, seeing Kai putting his finger up to his lips when he meets them near the kitchen.

"What happened?" Jungkook whispers, handing his bags over to Namjoon and Jin. Jungkook looks at the small hint of blood pooling near his nostrils and the cut near his eyebrow.

"I'll explain in the car, can you just take me to—"

"Really? Calling your sister's boyfriend and his friends over to save you? You really are a helpless little shit." Namjoon, Jin and Jungkook are all shielding each other and Kai from Eric, Jungkook's blood boiling seeing him standing there, clearly very drunk and not in the right state of mind.

"Aye, don't fucking talking to him like that." Jungkook's spits out, making Eric laugh.

"First you fall for my slut of a daughter, now you help rescue him? I thought you were so much better than that, Jungkook. You aren't the person people portrayed you to be. Shittiest idol I know. All of you."

"You don't know me." Eric snorts.

"You guys do know I help sponsor your shit right? I play a big role for you, don't come into my house acting like—" He slurs his words.

"Yeah, well fuck the contract." Namjoon's jaw clenches. "Better yet, don't fucking worry about it, I'll make sure to take care of it for you."

"You need me." Eric says, almost at a growl.  "You need me and Bigs—"

"Since when?" Namjoon responds in a mocking manner as he begins to usher Jin, Jungkook and Kai towards the front door. "If you wanna send your people over, you can let them know I'm free tomorrow in the late afternoon. I'll be more than happy to tell 'em what kind of sick person you are."

"You can't just take him—" Eric tries to flip the script, obviously unaware that Kai has already turned 18. He grips onto Kai's arm and tries to pull him back, except he's intoxicated, so Jungkook easily pushes him off. He watches as Eric hits a bar stool, stumbling over himself before he drunkily falls on his ass.

"You're such a sad excuse of a stepfather, you aren't even aware he's 18 already. He doesn't need you." Jungkook scoffs. "I'm gonna send people for the rest of Kai's shit tomorrow. And let's get this straight - we never needed you or Bigs. You both aren't shit without us and yout fucking empire thrives because of us. And if you do anything to Y/N, if you even think about working with Bigs on doing anything to her, I fucking promise you I will bury you alive. I won't stop until you have nothing left. Don't underestimate me."

everybody's angry and they're coming for me, but i can't give them energy that i won't receive; so i brush 'em off, i got a lot on my sleeve, like i'm moving backwards, but it's all on repeat; this place is getting crowded, i got no room to breathe

track twelve: hundred - khalid

[multiplefandomsblog]

request; Can I request Nagito, Kokichi, and Rantaro with an s/o that has a hard time understanding why someone feels a certain emotion in situations?

pairing(s); rantaro x gn!reader, nagito x gn!reader, kokichi x gn!reader

warnings; blood, violence, broken noses, strong language, kind of angsty — sorry that nagito's is super long- i started off with him and i haven't written in a long time so i just shit all over the place, fluff at kokichi, i have mood swings I'm so sorry about the whiplash you are about to witness

note; yesss i am back to finish these requests yurrrrrr sjansjdhfbasdkjfds I'm not gonna make a big announcement or anything(I'm still trying to figure out how to balance everything in my life rn, so I'm sorry for people who are waiting on me—) , just gonna spit out as many finished requests as i can, sorry for the abrupt pause of everything by the wayz ill be (hopefully) regularly posting works from now on.

(also this request was kind of vague, so i used the example of someone getting upset/angry and reader not understanding why; i hope that's okay :'))

Nagito Komaeda

◊ I think Nagito would understand your struggles more than anyone else.

◊ And… honestly, it kind of reassures him that you share a struggle with him. It makes him feel less alone, less like the odd one out.

◊ Being similar to someone like you in any way, even if it was a genuinely difficult and real struggle; was a blessing in disguise for someone as lowly as him.

◊ Getting that out of the way, Nagito would never see your struggle as what it is. The way he views you, how highly he puts you up on a pedestal, as well as how much hope he believes you to hold; he, at first*, won't help you at all with your struggles.

◊ As a strong believer of hope overcoming despair, good defeating bad; Nagito is positive that the struggles you hold will always be defeated, bludgeoned into a despairing sludge by your all-mighty hope.

◊ And at first, he won't even think of this as a bad thing! You should be proud of it, of course, unless it stirs despair within you.

◊ * That being said, if he sees you struggling with your inability to understand human reactions to an awful point, he would put his obsession with hope aside, and focus on trying to help you as your boyfriend.

◊ Though I'm afraid, he wouldn't be much of a help, because he gets stuck on this one too.

◊ If you ever unintentionally angered someone, however, and/or provoked them to potentially hurt you; he'd immediately step in and lay the damp washcloth of apologies on the accidental fire you had set.

◊ Though there is a high chance, he'll make it worse by saying something he hadn't intended to sound condescending. It just came out that way.

◊ Nagito would never put your well-being before his insatiable need for you to accelerate and empower your hope.

◊ He's your boyfriend before he is your admirer of hope.

— "What...? How can you- how can you be so calm!?" Confusion, fear, and intimidation seemed to overwhelm you as you stepped back, eyebrows creased in utmost confusion as the person before you, seemed to have been angered by your wording.

Suddenly, you had started repeating and reversing over what you had previously said, scanning your wording for things that could have been perceived as offensive; only to grow even more confused as you had found none.

"I... What? Are you... are you mad at me or something?" Your genuine tone of voice, as well as the genuine look of confusion on your face, had been blurred and unnoticed as the ugly emotion of anger seemed to destroy their human senses— and the person had unfortunately taken your question as an insult.

Without another word, the sickening crunch of flesh and bone hitting flesh and bone echoed throughout the trial room. Flesh and bone that had thankfully, and unfortunately, hadn't belonged to you.

"Holy- Someone hold them back!"

"There's... no need for that...!"

Turns out Nagito took the hit for you.

He peeled the hand tending to his nose away from his face, revealing the nasty bruising and the blood dripping down his nostril—despite the gruesome sight of it all, he still seemed to be smiling. Smiling as if something amazing had just happened, and he was dying from the joy he had been feeling.

He wasted no time to spew out whatever he could think of, despite the shock and adrenaline from getting a broken nose, he still fought through the struggle to speak properly, as well as merely breathing without immense pain.

It was like second nature to him, to steer the blame and the aggression away from you—even if it almost killed him. Anything... to protect his hope.

"Haha, this is... Whatever you need to achieve your hope, whether it be a good old-fashioned beat-down or... murder;" a laugh crossing the line to psychotic erupted from Nagito's scratchy throat.

"I personally invite you all—especially (name)—to bruise me up and brutally murder me for your pleasure, and your hop!" —all at the expense of him making sure no one gets the chance to lay a single finger laid onto you.

◊ He loves you, and he swears this is out of (mostly) good intention <3?

◊ i- i think i lost it somewhere in the middle

Rantaro Amami

◊ Literally, the most understanding, supportive, and comforting man you will ever meet and have as an emotional support boyfriend when you struggle with humans and just... humans.

◊ For first impressions, Rantaro will remain as understanding as he already had been, and is. If he visibly sees you struggle with the reactions of others to specific situations, he'd never start up shit, as well as assume you mean something bad immediately. He will always give you the benefit of the doubt, and the fact that he loves you may have been a factor — but I swear, he does this with everyone else too.

◊ If you ever responded/reacted to something that normal human beings usually respond differently, Rantaro would definitely notice, but he wouldn't say anything until he had his suspicions confirmed — and until someone else decided to get pissy or upset about it.

◊ If you ever get into a conflict with someone about how you seem emotionless( even though you're really not ), Rantaro will always be there to defend you and back you up. The first thing he would do is try to understand your side, then their side, and then try to see how the two fit together, and how you both grew to have your reaction.

◊ Most conflicts and arguments end peacefully, at fault to Rantaro's experience of being exposed to many personality types(his sisters), and completely normal and human struggles(also his sisters).

◊ Though, notice how I said most.

◊ Some situations and arguments, really can't be resolved, nor looked past—especially when personal, and very strong feelings are involved. You really can't avoid it when people are still grieving.

◊ But even so, Rantaro will remain a mediator and a peace-keeper until the end; he doesn't and never has enjoyed violence or super over-the-line arguments.

— "N- no, I a- actually don't understand...! I didn't mean to-"

"Oh, shut up! No one's believing that crap!" The shock and the hurt from their words had visibly affected you — the disbelief and their rage hadn't done anything to calm your anxiety from not having understood what had been wrong.

Rantaro would intrude on the one-sided argument, a gentle yet nervous smile on his face as he tried to put some distance between you and the person who had gotten offended. "Hey now, I understand you're upset, but it'll be safer for all of us if you don't insult them. I'm sure this was just a big misunderstanding... let's sit down, yeah?"

◊ If you ever feel frustrated or upset about a past interaction with someone he had reacted in a way you hadn't expected, feel free to expect Rantaro to be there for you with his comfort. Whether it be assurances, hugs, or just a listening ear; he'll be there for you.

◊ He may not understand your struggles to an extreme extent, but he will try his best to empathize with you and to understand you; and if he doesn't? That's okay. Because he still has cuddles + listening to you rant as his plan B solution on getting your frustrations out.

Kokichi Ouma

◊ Kokichi... doesn't understand you at all.

◊ It's second nature to him to react abnormally or to over-exaggerate towards something that probably shouldn't have gained a reaction like that — but that doesn't necessarily mean that had been his true reaction from the start.

◊ They're lies, well, most of it.

◊ When Kokichi notices your confusion, or if you come to him about your frustrations; he won't believe you at first. It's a stupid thing to not trust someone about, yeah, but he lies all the time about this kind of thing — so not only would he feel terrible if you were telling the truth about your real struggle, he would-

◊ Oh, you're telling the truth?

◊ ... Oh.

◊ Well, of course, he feels horrible for his past faked reactions and lies. A part of him believes it to be his fault entirely, whilst the larger, louder part of him believes it to be someone else's fault.

◊ And he's a liar; so of course, he'll lie. To himself, at least.

◊ "Wha—!? Who's been confusing my beloved? Gimme names and I'll get 'em!"

◊ He's not much of a listener, nor a person who really just... talks about serious shit. So despite not wanting to talk directly about serious things, as well as not being the best at comforting you in a 'serious' manner, he has his own little way of dimming your frustrations with human beings.

◊ He won't show it, nor will he mention it, but he does try to be more transparent with you; as well as tries to be less confusing when talking and/or interacting with you.

◊ The reactions are dimmed down, and despite that, he still continues to be silly and still continues to joke around — just not in a way that'll frustrate or confuse you(ish). He's all about getting reactions out of you, especially frustration but, he wouldn't purposely augment your anxiety about this type of thing.

◊ ^^ If he was to do that, however, he would always tell you it was a lie afterwards. After all— despite enjoying the thought of you thinking of him all week—he doesn't want you stressing and/or overthinking about it for the rest of the week.

◊ Kokichi definitely feels guilty of your struggles, however, they may have not blossomed directly from him, he still feels horrible for triggering it? You? — look- what he's trying to say is, he feels awful, and he hadn't meant to make your struggle with understanding other human beings, worse.

◊ Though there are times he does find your confusion and gullibility to be sort of entertaining in a way, but he would constantly feel bad about finding pleasure in your frustration.

◊ Kind of bad.

— "Nishishi! I'm just saying, if someone took a fat shit on my lawn, I would thank them—"

"Wh- Seriously.. ? Why??"

◊ He finds it hilarious how you seem to take his words to heart, but of course, fun comes to an end as he says—

— "Nope! It's a lie!"