#it’s nice in theory but if you expect that then you’re coming across real entitled

[trashogram]

I get what you mean with the "I don't ship this" and your feelings are valid, and if I may I wanted to offer another perspective that might help you feel less sad about it if it happens again. I think some do it to let others know "Hey I really liked this art, but I probably won't be posting more of this particular ship if that's all you came here for" I've always taken it in a similar light to "I don't go here but cool art" (Meaning they aren't in the fandom/never watched the show, but the art was too cool not to reblog) Like I agree it maybe doesn't need to be said, but I think most people who write that aren't intending to shit on someone else's ship, if that makes sense? I think they want to support the artist, but at the same time they want to be upfront to other shippers that they "don't go here" so they don't accidentally bait and switch any blog who is primarily seeking out other blogs who do ship [X] to interact with, or in the case of blogs who also post fandom content they want to be upfront that it's not one of their ships so people don't go "Hey! They ship [X] too! I'll make a request for them to draw/write [X]" because they don't wanna have to disappoint them by turning it down or ignoring it. Again, your feelings are valid, I just wanted to offer another perspective.

I appreciate the different POV. I can see what you mean, but I still think that it’s grating and highly unnecessary to comment that. My belief is that neither I nor anyone else running a blog is responsible for what others take away from what we post/reblog — apart from using appropriate labels and warnings to make sure intentions are clear.

I don’t think it’s rude or asking for too much to expect common courtesy.

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

TWDG: The Final Season | Character Discussion | 1/2

Part 1 | Part 2

“Everyone’s counting on me to step up. Be the leader they need me to be... I really want to be that for them.”  

So.... let’s talk about Marlon. 

I mean, let’s really talk about him. Ever since I started this blog, some common questions I get revolve around Marlon- “How do you feel about Marlon?” “Do you think he deserved a redemption arc?” “Why do you think he was sent to Ericson?” “In your opinion, is Marlon a bad person?” and many others. 

Some ask with expectations that I’ll express a distaste or hatred for him, while others ask with a more sympathetic approach. If you know me, if you’ve been here for a while, then you know that I do indeed like Marlon as a character, and today I want to talk about him from my perspective while playing this game. 

And with that comes a seemingly unnecessary disclaimer, but one I feel I need to add in order to make it abundantly clear: I will be discussing MY thoughts, experiences, and feelings about Marlon within TFS and give my take on his character. Because we’re not the same person, you may have a different opinion or perspective on his character, you may disagree with something I say, and that’s perfectly okay. You’re entitled to your opinion as I am mine, and I do encourage you to join in on the discussion and express your thoughts about Marlon, but I also want to let you know that you can do that without attacking me or anyone else. 

Really, this is pretty much me looking at Marlon’s role and arc within TFS, discussing points of his character that I find interesting, exploring the why’s and how’s of his actions, maybe coming up with a couple theories as to why he was sent to Ericson, and basically giving a lot of personal opinions of him. It’s a discussion meant in good fun, that’s all I’m saying. 

Before we dive right in, I do want to thank @pi-creates​ for providing me with most of the screenshots used in this. I appreciate the help! If you haven’t already, go check out Pi’s blog for some of the best screenshots and model swaps in the TWDG community! Thank you, thank you!

[First and foremost, y’all are sleeping on Ray Chase’s performance as Marlon and it really shows]

“Looks like I was announced as Marlon, the central focus in this first episode of The Walking Dead Season 4 coming in a few weeks. I've been playing this series since the beginning, and it was a real honor to be a part of the canon. I hope you enjoy!“ - Ray Chase’s Twitter account | July 26, 2018

I want to start this off with praising Marlon’s voice actor, Ray Chase, for doing such a perfect job of bringing Marlon’s character to life. Every emotion and infliction feels genuine, and there’s isn’t a single moment where I don’t “see” Marlon, y’know? I mean that in the sense that every line delivered is believable and doesn’t break my immersion with, “Oof, they really used that take?” 

I know we throw praise upon Melissa, Tayla, Sterling, and Gideon [and for good reason, they’re all fantastic, too!] but even with them there are a couple of lines that I notice have a lack of flow or sound just a bit off. I’ve played TFS how many times? And not once have I had that issue with Ray Chase as Marlon, so bravo to this man. Credit where credit is due, his performance is damn near flawless.

Especially in the confrontation scene at the end of Done Running. I’ll get into that scene as a whole later, but just looking at the performance and the intense, impactful emotion brought to that scene, just..... *chef kiss*

Thank you, Ray Chase. 

[What’s up with your haircut, Marlon?]

“Uh, I look cool... I say, I look cool.”

Lemme talk a little bit about Marlon’s design- I think he looks great. 

I love the little details in the Ericson varsity jacket he wears... including the fact that it looks just a tad bit too snug on him. Like, either the boy doesn’t have another jacket or he’s grown so attached to this one that he’s not willing to admit that he’s outgrown it a bit. 

I’ve had a lot of people point out that it’s nice to see a teenage character in these games with actual acne since most media pretends that acne just doesn’t exist, and I agree. We all know that if this were more realistic, then everyone would have terrible, greasy, dirty skin but... y’know. 

And y’know what? I like the mullet! It’s unique! And I choose to believe it’s a representation of Marlon’s past with bad decisions he’s too stubborn to admit were bad decisions... I mean, he’s had it since he was a kid and hadn’t grown it out or cut it off [to our knowledge, I suppose] sooo... there’s that. 

Or maybe he does actually think it looks badass. Either way. 

Hell, my biggest complaint about Marlon’s design is that I wish they kept more to this concept art attire:

Because Marlon looks super good in this concept art. I love the headband with the mullet and his clothes actually look more comfortable... but like, it’s fine. He still looks great in the game, his little jacket’s cool, bringing back the mullet...its fine. I’m just sayin’. He looks great. 

[Marlon’s introduction in TFS]

“It's our little kingdom. I just do what I can to keep the peace. Wasn't always like this, though. There used to be a lot of us, but...you know how it goes.”

Let’s talk about how Marlon’s introduced. 

We get our first look at him after Clementine and AJ crash their car during the walker attack. A bunch of arrows come flying, hitting walkers attempting to get ahold of them, and as Clementine glances over she sees a figure pulling AJ out of the car. And even though you can tell it’s Marlon, this closer shot from Pi-

-100% confirms that it’s him. Not that you had any doubt, but still.

What’s interesting, though, is that while snooping around for some insight about Marlon from the writers/devs, wandering around reddit, replaying the game myself, and even glancing over the all-knowing wiki that’s never wrong ever, it seems agreed upon that Marlon wasn’t alone, despite no one else being specifically mentioned to have helped Clementine and AJ. 

Which makes sense that that’d be the case, but I did come across a handful of people who are pretty adamant that he was alone, which is an interesting take, though I disagree.

I’m pretty sure most people do, too. I mean, Marlon says, “It's good we found you when we did. It wasn't easy getting you two out of that wreck, and walkers were on the way.” So I don’t even think that was the writers’ intention of it being solely Marlon who saved them.

What’s funny is I came across a post Instagram [I know, the most legitimate source for info and thoughtful opinions] that was surprisingly trying to redeem/defend Marlon rather than chastise him by claiming he’s a hero who saved Clementine and AJ by himself. 

The thing is, they’re both unconscious after the wreck, so unless Marlon has super-human speed to grab AJ, zip around the car to grab Clementine, and then uses super-human strength to carry both of them AND their belongings all while killing any threatening walkers coming after them with his bow... I’m gonna have to press [X] Doubt. 

Besides, I like the idea of it being vague. I like to think that was the intention. “Who was Marlon with? A hunting party! You fill in the blanks!” That sort of deal.

With everything that we know about Marlon and the safe-zone, it does lead to questions about why he and whoever felt they had to go outside it to see what was happening. Marlon points out in his conversation with Clementine that they “had to work fast. I don't know what would've happened if we hadn't seen the smoke...” And later Violet mentions an explosion, so I think it’s safe to say that they heard the explosion and followed the smoke to the location. 

If you don’t know about the raiders and the twins [like it’s your first time playing] then you probably assume that Marlon and his group were being kind in rescuing them, which I don’t doubt but it does make you wonder about things from Marlon’s perspective, y’know?

This is one of those “shhh, don’t think, just go with it” moments. If I had to give a reason, I’d say that the group he was with didn’t think twice about checking it out and even if Marlon did protest, he didn’t have much choice but to follow. Then, seeing that it’s Clementine and AJ, I believe he genuinely wanted to save them. 

“All alone with the kid? Not a pleasant thought. I've seen some rough scenes. But that one would've been up there.”

We get our second and more official introduction to Marlon after Clementine escapes her dorm and confronts Tenn... and it’s pretty fucking good. I mean, everything from him being hidden in the shadows with his bow drawn, to the clear concern yet sternness in his voice as he assures Clementine they’re not going to hurt her and to put the knife down, to his sympathetic apology for scaring her is just an A+. 

One thing this season does exceptionally well is introducing its characters. Marlon has such a confident yet chill way about him when you first meet that it’s actually disheartening to think that in two hours he’s gonna be pulling a gun and MURDER....

Sigh. 

Let’s not jump that far ahead yet. I’m not ready. 

What I find appealing about this next part is Clementine’s reaction to seeing the inside of Ericson for the first time and how taken aback she seems by it. I also love how easy and comfortable it is to talk with Marlon as they’re walking through the yard even though we just met him. 

I enjoy that you can tell he’s trying to get a better idea of who she is without pressuring or overwhelming her and doing his best not to offend. And even when Clementine questions if he doesn’t think she can handle herself, he’s decent about apologizing and explaining that’s not what he meant. But he’s also not afraid to be upfront about AJ’s behavior since they brought him here, either.

He does come off as annoyed when talking about AJ being a handful. We don’t know how long Clementine’s been passed out or how long they had to deal with AJ after he woke up, so who knows how much of a little terror AJ was before they either dumped him with Louis or Louis decided to take him to the music room to chill... where he then bit Ruby. 

Anyway, the first impression I got of Marlon is that he’s genuinely friendly, trying to help Clementine and AJ even if AJ’s been a nuisance, and he’s confident in the system he has in place for them. He is rather forward and proud about being the school’s leader when first telling Clementine. 

Having played through the whole season several times and knowing how Done Running ends, it’s interesting to look at Clementine’s first conversation with Marlon with that all knowing perspective- knowing what he did to the twins, knowing that Brody’s involved and that Marlon’s going to eventually kill her, going to try and frame Clementine for the murder, knowing that he was planning on giving Clementine and AJ away...

I can definitely look at this conversation with a more skeptical lens and say he’s more so trying to sell the idea that he has everything under control in this kingdom for kids and he’s a proper leader with a system in place despite being so young with no adults around. But hey, that’s the natural progression- Ericson is a perfectly chill safe haven and the Ericson crew get along swell... except no, the cracks slowly begin to surface as the episode goes on until all hell breaks loose with Marlon at the center. 

[Rosie is best girl]

“You said dogs brought back bad memories. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so scared of them. But I swear, Rosie's not as frightening as she seems...See? She's harmless. She just needs to get to know you, is all. Here. I'll show you. Do you trust me? “

I’ll be completely honest- the thing that initially sold me on trusting Marlon the first time I ever played this episode was his relationship with Rosie. 

If you know me, then you know that I love dogs. I have a pup named Piglet that I adore, I’ve grown up with dogs my whole life, and I have a huge appreciation and soft spot for animals.  I’m one of those people that can’t stand others who are mean or cruel to harmless animals. It’s different if you’re hunting for food or if an animal attacks you and you’re defending yourself... but I’ve known people who have gone out of their way to hurt animals. I’m out in a country area with a lot of dangerous roads for wandering animals, and the amount of people I’ve driven with who’ll swerve to hit a squirrel, a cat, a dog because they enjoy it is too many. After those incidents, I cut those people out of my life.  If you don’t have that love and appreciation in your heart, then I want nothing to do with you. 

So when I saw that Rosie, while the school’s dog, is more portrayed to be Marlon’s dog above everyone else, I remember thinking to myself, “Okay, I trust him. He clearly loves this dog, wouldn’t mistreat her, and that’s a step in the right direction.”  

While I wasn’t skeptical of him and his intentions before, it really was that natural relationship he held with Rosie that kind of sealed the deal for me- “I like Marlon! He’s probably going to die because he’s the leader and they never last but when it does happen, I’m gonna be super upset about it.” 

And well, to be fair... I was super upset when he died, just more so than I originally planned because there was also that element of betrayal mixed into the pain, y’know? 

Speaking of trust and Rosie- My second favorite Marlon scene is the office scene. But let’s talk about the Rosie bit specifically. After Tenn leaves and Rosie comes in, she scares Clementine and brings back those traumatic memories of when Sam attacked her. 

Marlon comes in and cools the situation, and I love the way he talks to Clementine in this moment. 

I love that he doesn’t immediately turn to Clementine like, “What’d you do?” but recognizes that she’s afraid of Rosie due to her previous experience, one that he remembers her mentioning. He also knows how well trained Rosie is to recognize scents and people, which explains why she’s behaving that way- she doesn’t know Clementine. 

I feel like I’m using this word a lot, but Marlon’s approach to helping Clementine with her fear of dogs feels so genuine. He holds his hand out and waits for her to accept, and if she does, he walks Clementine through what to do, beginning Clementine’s bond with Rosie. 

“Get down on her level. Let her get your scent. It's okay. She's not gonna hurt you.”

It’s incredibly sweet and humanizing to see Marlon like this. 

The best part about this scene, though, is that you can reject Marlon’s offer and he won’t be upset. 

“No problem. I'm not gonna pressure you.”

And he doesn’t. He doesn’t get annoyed, he doesn’t press, no questions asked, and he doesn’t say anything to make Clementine feel bad for her decision. He respects that she isn’t ready to get close with Rosie.

The reason I love this is because how many times have we made decisions in this game, big and small, and had the other characters get annoyed or try to guilt us? “Oh, you don’t want to bond with the dog? Rosie’s the best, everyone loves dogs! What’s wrong with you?” None of that here. That’s something I appreciate about Marlon in this moment. 

It shows that when he wants to, he can listen and understand those around him... something he clearly struggles with when it comes to certain members of Ericson.

I’ll swing back around and talk about that entire scene in a bit, but one last thing about Rosie... can I just say how heart breaking it is to hear her whine at Marlon’s funeral? Solidifying that she was definitely Marlon’s dog more than anyone else’s? And the way Rosie lays on his grave several times in episode 2? 

Oof. 

[Ericson’s perception of Marlon prior to the final confrontation and after]

“...when the world went to shit, he bailed. All the other adults did. Left us behind to fend for ourselves...  Now it's just us kids left.”

I want to touch on how the Ericson crew seem to view Marlon as a leader before and after the final confrontation.

When looking at and discussing a character, it’s important to not just focus solely on them. You can gather a lot about a character based on how others respond and perceive them.

Not everyone expresses something towards Marlon within Done Running. Y’know, like Omar or Ruby, for example. Though we do get a bit more from them after Marlon’s death, their perception of him is different now that they’ve learned what he’s done and witnessed his murder.

So we don’t know how Ruby, Omar, Willy or Mitch viewed his leadership prior to those events, y’know? It’s safe to assume that they’re fine following him as a leader since they’re background characters at this point and make no objections to his leadership at any time before the confrontation. But, after learning the truth, they turned against him. 

Then things get complicated when Marlon’s murder traumatizes them. 

What a mess.

But for this section, there are two characters I want to get into specifics about. They’re worth talking about because they further Marlon’s character, but they’re not the most important, y’know? Characters like Louis, Tenn, and Brody will get their own sections. 

The one I find most interesting among side characters is Aasim. Right off the bat, you get a feel for what his relationship is like with Marlon:

Marlon: “How'd it go out there?”

Aasim: “How do you think it went?”

Brody: “Be nice, Aasim.”

Aasim: “The safe zone's nearly dry. I could barely find enough for tonight. We're gonna have to scout out further if we want food for the winter.”

Marlon: “We'll talk about it later.”

Aasim: “Bullshit, we should talk about this right now-”

Marlon: “I said later, damn it!”

So... they’re not exactly besties. The game makes a clear point that Aasim is more vocal in his disagreements and concerns towards Marlon than the others. They even reiterate it when you talk with him later:

“He keeps pulling back the safe zone. We have fewer and fewer places to hunt. Which means we're gonna have fewer and fewer things to eat.”

No one else opposes Marlon like he does, not counting Brody in the basement since that’s a whole other thing and Brody will get an entire segment to herself later.

It’s pretty clear that this isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation, but because Marlon’s in a place of power, Aasim doesn’t have much choice but to go along with it. Because no one else is speaking up, he doesn’t have anyone to back him up, and you can tell he goes with it reluctantly. He also voices annoyances when it comes to how Marlon treats Louis if you go hunting.

Knowing this, you can infer that Marlon doesn’t want to hear what Aasim has to say, and he doesn’t appreciate someone questioning his leadership. When Aasim steps in Marlon’s path and says, “Bullshit, we should talk about this right now-” what does Marlon do?

He shoves his shoulder into Aasim’s as he pushes past, and in a louder, commanding tone, replies, “I said later, damn it!” which leads to Aasim glaring after him... but he doesn’t pursue. Marlon has a hard time with someone like Aasim and his response is to shut him down rather than stop, listen to his concerns, and address them.

That’s something Marlon struggles with as a leader- control and listening. Control over his temper and anger, listening and addressing the concerns of the people he swears to protect.

The reason I bring this up is because Aasim is our first indication that the image Marlon was giving off previously isn’t as spotless as he wants us to believe. Aasim plants a seed of doubt, y’know? He gives an argument that the player can get behind.

“Yeah, why not extend the safe zone? If food is really as bad as you say it is, then what other choice is there? Just be extra cautious so no one gets hurt,” which can then lead to thinking, “Why is Marlon so insistent about the safe zone? Is he hiding something?”

Once that seed is there, it grows.

Now as for how Aasim’s view of Marlon changes during and after the confrontation, you can see that he’s one of the few that wants to hear Clementine’s side to things, and he steps forward after Louis/Violet intervenes.

Then after Marlon dies, Aasim is... well, he’s rather neutral? And I say that meaning he’s more in a middle ground between Louis and Violet, who are on extreme opposite ends. Aasim isn’t okay with Marlon’s death, nor is he okay with AJ killing him, but he can see that kicking Clementine and AJ out isn’t the best solution. Hence why he voted for them to stay.

You can see he’s still angry at Marlon for what he did during the funeral scene, but the game doesn’t care to show more beyond that. Which, in my opinion, was a missed opportunity on their part.  

And because I’m me, I also want to add that this perfectly sets up the idea of Aasim taking over once Marlon died and the writers shot themselves in the foot for wasting him like that. Good job.

Now let’s talk about Violet. People love when I do that.

Marlon and Violet don’t interact too much prior to the confrontation. The most we see them together is during the card game, and they’re chill. Violet makes fun of his hair, he says he looks cool, they’re decent to each other, it’s all good. They’re on friendly terms. 

Which I do find it interesting that she seems like she’s chill with Marlon, but she has such a hard time with Brody. Granted, that’s because she was supposed to go with them but asked Brody to cover her, and then when the twins died, she felt guilty. But you’d think that she’d also have some issues with Marlon, given that he was also there and, like Brody, unable to save them.

You could argue that because Violet and Brody were friends before it had a stronger effect, whereas she and Marlon weren’t ever that close, so it didn’t strike as bad, y’know? 

Though this does kind of get explained later if you choose to stick with Violet through ep4. Well, sort of? A little? She tells you:

Violet: “...I remember how Marlon described it, what we were gonna turn Ericson into. It's not the way any of us pictured it.”

Clementine: “How did you picture it?”

Violet: “I guess I couldn't. I just listened to what Marlon said. How it would be a home, a real one. But I couldn't really wrap my head around it.”

And when she talks about people who cared about her that she pushed away, she does list Marlon as one of those people, which is super interesting given all the loathing she’s done towards him after the truth came out.

It could be that in the past, she saw Marlon as the leader and why would he lie? He’s the one who stepped up, promised that they’d made Ericson into something special, into a brand new home... what reason does she have to distrust him?

So when she finds out the truth... well, that betrayal completely shatters everything she has for Marlon, going as far as for her to believe that AJ was justified in what he did and shit talking Marlon in front of his mourning best friend. 

So her reaction to Marlon after this makes sense, but what does this tell us about Marlon himself?

Again, depending on how you view him, you can look at this idea of Marlon being kind to Violet and them being on friendly terms after what happened to the twins a few different ways- Marlon was manipulating Violet solely for his sake, or Marlon felt guilty that something he did hurt her this bad and tried to make Violet feel better, or both.

I think it was both. After the twins died, we all know the amount of guilt Marlon carried with him, so having to be confronted with the fallout of that in the form of someone like Violet... he had to be careful. I don’t doubt that he cared about Violet or that he tried to reach out to her, but he also had to protect himself for the sake of maintaining his leadership and control of Ericson. So, of course, he had to lie to her which manipulated her feelings about him and the situation. 

I believe Violet recognized it, too. When she says they should’ve asked more questions about what happened, I think that’s her being more pissed with herself for trusting Marlon and not questioning him further, for taking his word for it. 

I’ve come across theories suggesting that Marlon actually manipulated Violet into placing blame onto Brody rather than him, which is why she is on friendly terms with him but not so much Brody. And that’s a valid interpretation. There isn’t any solid evidence of this within the game to suggest either way, but I can definitely see how someone would come to that conclusion. Especially after the confrontation.

Now let’s touch on Violet if you appeal to her, because Marlon does something that makes me go “Hmmmm...”

Clementine, when she appeals to Violet, say, “Violet you have to believe me.”

To which, Marlon immediately steps in and says, “You don't. You met her, like, two days ago!”

He doesn’t even give her a chance to speak. 

With Louis, he’s so overly confident that he has him completely wrapped around his finger that he doesn’t feel the need to say anything. He feels he has control over Louis. But with Violet, he feels his control might not be as strong, so he needs to remind her that she just met Clementine, whereas she’s known him for years- something he uses against the whole group.

And when Clementine tries to talk to her, Marlon takes a low blow and it’s super shitty.

“Don't let her get in your head. Hey, what would Minnie want you to do? She was my friend, too. So was Brody.”

He’s desperate to crawl out of the grave this situation has put him in that he’s willing to go this low, doing everything he can to make sure Violet doubts Clementine... and y’know, whose to say this is the first time Marlon is using Minnie to manipulate her? And when it doesn’t work, he gets frustrated like “Violet being difficult. Why am I not surprised?” which could suggest that it hasn’t always worked. 

It goes back to what I was saying- Marlon tried to get close to Violet and she never let him. She was difficult to be around after the twins died due to her grief and Marlon struggled with that. 

When he finally comes clean, this is where the real shift happens with him and Violet. You can see the hatred burning on her face every time the camera pans over to her now that she’s felt betrayed by him and his actions. 

Right before Marlon dies, if you choose to say nothing, Violet will step forward and start saying that he doesn’t get to stay, but gets cut off when AJ shoots him. 

All in all, Violet is a big case against Marlon and a showcase of how far his manipulation as gone within Ericson.

[Marlon’s office and foreshadowing of motivations]

“Whenever someone goes outside the safe zone, bad shit happens. People die or disappear. I just... I could really use the help, Clementine. Taking care of these kids, it's not easy. I'm worried that if I don't figure something out, if...if I don't fix our food situation... I can't lose anyone else. We've already lost so much. Friends, siblings... I can't let another kid die. It could break us.”

Swinging back around, let’s talk about the rest of the scene in the office. 

First off- it’s implied that Marlon uses the office as a bedroom given the mattress on the floor and some of his personal belongs laying about. Like the photo he keeps of him and Louis. 

The bed isn’t for Rosie, we assume, since we later see her sleeping outside while chained up. This might be just because they wanted Rosie present for the confrontation scene but didn’t want her loose, so they put her outside when you’d think that she’d sleep inside with everyone else. 

Or, maybe she just prefers to be outside when the weather’s nice, or they keep her as a guard in case something were to happen, that way she can alarm them. 

Anyway, why does Marlon potentially sleep in his office rather than in a dorm? Or does he have a dorm that he’ll sleep in, but keeps the mattress there just in case? 

Well, a show of authority, for one. Even if he does keep a dorm room, it’s likely that he made the office his own as a way to be like “The headmaster is gone, this is my office now. I’m in charge.” 

Which makes sense. 

And when you think about what Louis tells us about Marlon having all these sleepless nights and tough calls, it’s not hard to imagine him spending late nights in his chair going over different plans and stressing over the food situation/safe zone, as well as letting the guilt of the twins weigh on him to the point were he’s too exhausted to even leave.

Moving on to the actual conversation between him and Clementine. He does show a vulnerable side to her, which I like. He can feel the pressure he’s under and sense the loss he’s suffered. But...like before, looking at this knowing what I know, it’s not hard to see certain things in a different light opposed to what you’d see as a new player.

What’s interesting, though, is while I do enjoy this conversation and the bits of insight it gives to Marlon’s character, there is this subtle, slightly off undertone of the whole scene after the Rosie bit. 

At this point, we’ve talked with Aasim and he’s planted the seed of doubt.

We’ve heard the story about the twins. Violet came and talked to us about it, we could visit their graves and learn that they died at this time last year. Anyone who has played any game or heard any story can pick up on that the twins are important. They’re not going to use these girls as some throw away lines. They’re going to come back one way or another. 

We’re literally living in their dorm. The dorm that Marlon put us in. They’re heavily connected to Tenn and Violet, two important characters I previously discussed. Then, Violet comes barging into our room and talks about them some more. 

It makes the gears turn, y’know? 

And with Marlon being very insistent that they stay in the safe zone, it’s not hard to question the story about the twins. I went through and skimmed a couple play throughs on youtube to this scene and a lot of them were theorizing that the twins weren’t actually dead or something wasn’t right, some cracks are starting to show. Why else bring it up? Marlon being the one to push the dangers of the safe zone and everything with Aasim... it’s not hard to pick up that he might be hiding something.  

The thing I find fascinating about people’s perception of Marlon is how they interpret his motivations when it comes to Clementine and AJ, and that can be tracked back to this scene. 

We all know that he’s planning on giving them to the raiders if they come back. It’s a hard fact. Brody warned us before she died, and dialogue during the basement scene backs it up. 

But the question I’m curious about is... when did this motivation begin? 

When did Marlon decide that he would give Clementine and AJ to the raiders if they ever came back? 

Because the text doesn’t tell us anything until Brody’s death, I feel like we all have a different moment where we believe that became Marlon’s secret motive, y’know? 

In all my digging, I’ve read posts about this idea, people giving their thoughts on when they think Marlon secretly turned on us, or if he was ever really on our side. 

One has people theorizing that Marlon saved Clementine and AJ with the intention of giving them away from the beginning. 

So he saw taking these two in and earning their trust as an opportunity to save everyone else at the school [the people he cares about] rather than have to sacrifice anyone else like they did with the twins. Clementine and AJ were just a means to an end if the raiders came back. 

Which is a rather sinister way to look at it and puts quite a negative spin on Marlon’s actions towards them - like how he’s willing to let them stay at the school not out of kindness but out of bad intentions, and every kind thing he ever did was to win over their trust so he could lure them out into the woods and do a trade if necessary. 

The line “Take this. I don't want you gettin' lost.” gets pointed at a lot due to how Marlon says it, the infliction of it, and it’s theorized that the hidden meaning behind it is “Take this, if you get lost then I can’t make the trade.”

Same thing with “Just remember to stay in the safe zone. We need you to come back home in one piece.”

Which isn’t a wrong interpretation of this. You can totally look at this conversation between Marlon and Clementine as Marlon subtly foreshadowing his turn, or betrayal, at the end of the episode.  

“...It's how we've kept ourselves from unwanted attention for so long. Well... For the most part, anyway.”

“I can't lose anyone else. We've already lost so much. Friends, siblings... I can't let another kid die. It could break us. Sorry. I'm just... There's a lot of pressure.” 

“What, did you think I was gonna throw you out?“

Then there are the middle ground people who believe Marlon didn’t save Clementine and AJ with that intention in mind, but it started to appear as an option to him either a bit before or during the office scene. Y’know, it came as a passing thought that ended up lingering until he acknowledged it as a solution to a potential problem. 

Again, pointing at the dialogue from before- him suggesting that he’ll do whatever it takes to keep his community alive... just like he did before. 

And while he gets along with Clementine and AJ [or as some would suggest, he appears to be friendly], they’re not his family. He isn’t close to them the same way he is the rest of the school. and if he has to give anyone away, it’s going to be them, whether he wants to or not. 

Marlon didn’t want to give Sophie and Minerva away, and he’s carried that with him up until this point. We see it manifest to a breaking point that lead to Brody’s death and, eventually, his own. 

Finally, there are the people who believe that the idea of giving Clementine and AJ away didn’t occur to him until after the incident with Abel. After Brody panicked and told him about getting robbed, then Clementine claiming they met a man with different colored eyes who wanted food, and the realization that the raiders could be back. 

This is where I personally stand when it comes to this idea. I believe that Marlon didn’t decide on this until he heard about Abel, and solidified it during the fight with Brody down in the basement. 

But what about the dialogue in this scene that potentially has double meanings? Well, I believe that’s the writers suggesting Marlon’s turn and motivations rather than Marlon himself, if that makes sense. Like I said before, you could take nearly everything Marlon says as some sort of foreshadowing or suggestion of what happened to the twins, what his true intentions are with Clementine and AJ, and what will happen to him at the end of the episode. 

That’s the thing- Marlon doesn’t ever go on a mustache-twirling monologue about how he knew he could use Clementine and AJ as trade if the raiders came back and that’s the real reason why he saved them, nor do we see him come up with the idea on the spot. 

Hell, Marlon never admits to the player that he was going to do that. The most he says is, “Shut your fucking mouth! I made the right call. I saved the lives of everyone in this fucking school! If they came back... I'd do it again!”  

Brody is the one who told us everything, and every time Clementine throws it back in his face, he tells her to shut up and threatens her with the gun. 

But from what I’ve tried to gather about what Marlon and Brody talk about in the basement before Clementine gets down there...

Marlon: “Why can't you just do what I ask you to do?”

Brody: “Because we caused all this, and now we have to deal with it!”

Marlon: “I am dealing with it!”

Brody: “By tradin' more of us away? That's not fixin' the problem, that's runnin' away from it!”

[I’ll come back to this full conversation later when I go over the basement scene by itself. It gets pretty dark.]

Which.... yeah. So, I’m not trying to say Brody was lying or anything just because Marlon never flat out admitted it to us the player, I’m just saying that we don’t know for sure when he made up his mind about this since the game never gives a clear suggestion for the sake of his dramatic turn from friend to antagonist. 

Did he have this idea from the start or did he come up with it during this conversation? 

We don’t know, but it’s interesting to look at the different views surrounding this question and how it applies to Marlon’s character. Because yeah, if you truly believe that Marlon had this intention from the start, it makes all of his actions in this episode pretty scummy. And again, that’s not wrong because there isn’t an answer here. 

I choose to believe that maybe the idea came as an unwanted thought in the beginning, but manifested into something real when he heard about Abel. He shared his plan with Brody, who didn’t want to go along with it. 

And y’know what... let’s finally get into the basement scene and Brody...

Continued in Part 2/2

[numba99]

Undeniable

Summary: You and Nolan never got along, but an incident at a Flyers event sparks feeling you never thought you could have for him. This is sorta based of off Cinderella and Skin by Mac Miller I have not been able to stop thinking about Nolan and those songs for the last few days so!!!! Word count: 3.8k

Warning: Smut, apologies for lack of other flyers involvement I don’t know the team that well!

You stood in front of the mirror that rested beside the door to your apartment, checking yourself over one last time. It wasn't your first time going to a Flyers event, Travis needed back up dates on the occasion his girlfriend couldn’t make it, however this time Kevin was the one in need of assistance. Travis shot you a text this morning that Kevin’s date canceled last minutes and your service was required. Lucky for Kevin your shopping habits had come in handy - the dress you bought last week that you had no purpose for was going to be put to use. 

Right as you decided you looked ready, your phone lit up with a message from Kevin saying he was outside. You grabbed your hand and headed out, excited for a fun night out. You knew most of Travis’s friends pretty well, but Kevin was knew to your circle. You looked forward to getting to know him more tonight. You always thought he was pretty cute, and honestly you wouldn't be mad if this was the first of many dates you had with Kevin.

“Hey, y/n, you look amazing,” Kevin greeted you, helping you into the Uber.

“Thanks Kev, you clean up pretty nice too,” you replied as he slid in next to you.

“Thanks, I seriously owe you for this,” Kevin said.

“Don’t worry about it,” you shook him off, “I couldn’t let you go to your first Flyers event alone.”

“God I would have never heard the end of it from the boys,” Kevin huffed, half laughing, “All the more reason I owe you. Maybe I can take you out for drinks some time?”

“Sure, that sounds like fun,” you nodded. That was easier than you thought. You chatted lightly for the rest of the car ride. At first it was playing a little catch up, telling Kevin what you did for work and so on, but it turned to conspiracy theories about who played Gritty.

“You mean to tell me they haven't told any of you who is in it?” you questioned as you pulled up to the venue.

“You really think they’d tell me of all people?” Kevin replied and the two of you laughed together.

“Okay fair, fair,” you replied, hopping out of the car. Kevin wasn’t exactly known for being subtle.

The two of you walked in side by side, saying passing hellos to familiar faces. You weaved through the tables, finally finding Travis and his girlfriend already waiting there. You greeted everyone with hugs, before Kevin and Travis disappeared to get you two drinks.

“I was so happy when Travis told me you were coming, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever,” Taylor said.

“Yeah I’m looking forward to catching up!” you replied, before playfully adding, “Not too mad about spending the night with Kevin either.”

“Oh do you like him?” Taylor asked, leaning in for the details.

“I definitely like him but I’m trying to figure out if I like him like him, you know?” you explained feeling like you were in middle school.

Taylor nodded, laughing lightly, “I totally get it. Kevin’s a good guy. It’s funny, though, that's not who I would have pictured you with.”

“Who were you thinking?” you cocked a brow.

“I always thought you and Nolan would be good together,” she told you.

Your face twisted in disgust, “Nolan? God no.” Out of all of Travis’s friends, you hated Nolan the most.

Taylor laughed, “I know, I know don’t hate me. Guess I’m not much of a matchmaker because clearly it doesn't work in reality, but I dunno. I really would have thought you two would be a great match.” 

If you didn't like Taylor so much, you’d be offended. But she was right, she was not much a matchmaker at all. As much as you didn’t like Nolan, he didn’t like you. Right from the start, things had always been rocky between you. He reeked of entitlement and walked around like he was a gift to women. You swore he nearly blew a gasket when you told him he wasn’t your type. You guessed he didn’t hear that much.

Ever since that things got worse. The more you ignored him, the more he tried to push you buttons, and push he did. He had an uncanny ability to get under your skin and despite your best efforts you couldn’t help but snap back at him. It was nearly impossible to be around him and not be at each other's throats.

You tried to avoid him as much as possible, but being best friends with Travis didn't make that easy. As if by design, Kevin and Travis returned to the table with Nolan by their sides.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Kevin announced with a big grin. Nolan smirked, looking right at you. You rolled your eyes and looked away while Taylor said hello.

“Nice dress y/n,” Nolan said with a feigned sincerity he knew ground your gears.

“Great, now I have to burn it,” you muttered. As if things couldn’t get worse, Nolan sat down in the chair next to you. “Seriously? Can't you go be a menace somewhere else?”

“Sorry sweetheart, this is where I was assigned to sit,” Nolan replied.

“There’s only a few tables of five and Nolan didn’t have a date so he needed be here,” Travis explained. He always jumped in and tried to keep the peace, but it never really worked. The hatred just ran too deep.

You let out a laugh. “No shock here you’re dateless.”

Nolan smirked, taking a swig of his drink, “Don’t worry, I’ll find someone to go home with.” 

“Gross,” you grumbled, scooting your seat closer to Kevin. At least you still had him. You tried to make the best of a bad situation and, luckily, you were able to talk with Kevin without much interruption from Nolan. In fact, you didn't really have to hear from him much at all. Tonight was one of those team events where higher ups and owners were making speeches about Flyers future and how great the season will be and blah blah blah. Truthfully, these were some of the most boring ones to go to, however the fact that it limited conversation was feeling like a blessing right now.

You were expecting the peace to end when the speeches did, but even as dinner was served, Nolan was pretty quiet. Still annoying, he could never not be, but it was manageable at the moment.

Suddenly, his fingers brushed against your thigh. You looked over at him, but he  wasn’t even looking you, he seemed to be deep in conversation with Travis. You chocked it up to accident - the tables were small after all - until you felt it again.

This time he was looked at you, a knowing smirk on his face. You scowled at him, about to ask what he was doing when his hand slid to your inner thigh. You drew in a breath. Nolan winked at you and your lower stomach stirred. And that’s what you hated the most. No matter how much he irritated you, no matter how much you fought with him, there was this very small (at least that’s what you told yourself) part of you that was attracted to him.

“Y/n, something up?” Kevin asked, noticing you were distracted.

“Oh, no sorry I just zoned out,” you replied quickly, reaching for your water to give yourself an extra few seconds to collect your thoughts. Just as you were swallowing the water, Nolan’s hand slid up your dress, ghosting across your clothed core. You drew in breath, causing the water to go down wrong.

“Are you okay y/n?” Travis asked, giving you a confused look.

“Someone’s thirsty,” Nolan teased, both of his hands now innocently in his lap. You shot him a dirty look while you tried to dry up the water that had spilt.

“Yeah sorry guys just went down wrong,” you replied, “If you’ll excuse me I’m going to dry off.” You nearly jumped up from the table, happy to get away from Nolan. 

To your dismay, the bathroom didn’t have hand driers, only towels. You did your best to soak up the water droplets that had gotten on your dress, eventually excepting you were going to have a few water marks for the next hour or so. You were headed back to the table when you were yanked into a small supply closet.

“Hey what the fuck!” you gasped, “Nolan what the hell?” Even in the limited lighting you could see the snarky little look on his face.

“Just checking to make sure you’re okay.” he replied.

“Then why the fuck are you pulling me into a coat closet?” you questioned.

“You know why,” his voice was low as he took a step towards you. Your breath caught in your throat.

“If this is about the stunt you pulled at the table-”

“You liked that didn’t you?” he asked.

“Absolutely not,” you replied as firmly as possible.

“Than why not tell me to stop?” he questioned.

“I didn’t wanna cause a scene.” It was the first response that popped into your head.

Nolan laughed. “You and I both know you have no problem causing a scene, especially with me. What’s the real reason?” He took another step towards you, his scent invading your senses. You ignored how the warm, fresh scent nearly made your mouth water. You tried to take a step back to create more distance between the two of you, but you were already flushed against the wall.

When you didn’t answer Nolan went on, “You know I really meant what I said about this dress. You look fucking amazing in it. A shame I got it wet... but I’m wondering if there’s something else that got wet?” God he was so vulgar you hated it... and hated how much you liked it.

“You wish,” you tried to snap, but it came out incredibly soft. Nolan had you right where he wanted you, you knew it and unfortunately he did too.

“Let me feel then and prove me wrong. I know you love that,” Nolan continued, his fingers playing with the hem of your dress. You did love that, but you were sure that was not what would happen if he touched your right now. You couldn't say that, so you said nothing.

Your heart hammered in your chest as he slowly worked up closer to the apex of your thighs. “You could tell me to stop any time you know,” Nolan said, stopping just outside the line of your underwear. You were aching at this point, the tension between you and Nolan making your core throb. You knew he wanted to hear you say you wanted it, but yo couldn’t fully give him that.

“Oh just get on with it,” you groaned. It was all you could imagine, but it was enough to make Nolan grin with triumph. He hooked a finger around your underwear and pulled it down your legs. He ran a finder across your slit and you bit down on your lip to stifle a moan.

“Oh baby you’ve got it bad for me don’t you?” He groaned, coating his finger in your wetness.

“Fuck off,” it came out as a gasp as he slipped his finger inside you.

Nolan chuckled, “Doesn't feel like you want me to do that.” Before you could respond, Nolan got on his knees. 

“What’re yo-” your question was answered before you could get it out. He pushed up your dress, exposing you to him. 

He kissed your inner thigh before saying, “Can't even tell you how long I've thought about having you like this.” His lips connected to your pussy and this time you couldn’t keep your moan contained. 

It pained you how good Nolan was, expertly moving his tongue against your most sensitive spots. It’s like he’d been studying your body for years. You tangled your hands through his hair, keeping him as close to you as possible. Nolan slid his tongue in your pussy making your hips hitch. He gripped your thighs so tightly to keep you in place and part of you feared there would be marks left.

“Fuck, Nolan right there,” you gasped as quietly as possible. You hadn’t forgotten where you were and the absolute last thing you needed was for someone to catch you two like this. Still, you were so close and your building orgasm was making it hard to think about anything else. 

Nolan obliged, continuing to work at you unlike you’ve ever felt before. Moments later it hit you, flooding your body with such an intense high you had to cover your own mouth to keep quiet. Your legs were shaking and you were certain if Nolan wasn’t holding you up you would have collapsed.

Nolan nipped at your inner thighs while you caught your breath. He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood up, grinning proudly. “So much for not being your type,” Nolan chirped.

“Oh whatever,” you huffed. You finally felt like you were coming back to your senses, but you were still trying to process whatever the hell just happened.

“When you’re ready to admit you want more, you know where to find me,” Nolan smirked, before leaving you alone in the closet.

“Holy fuck,” you said to yourself. You took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as you pulled back on your underwear. You felt like an idiot now, not believing you let that happen. You smoothed out your dress to the best of your ability, hoping you didn’t look as disheveled as you felt.

Nolan was already back at the table, chatting causally with Travis. “Hey y/n, everything okay? You were gone for a while,” Travis as when he saw you. You made an effort to not even look at Nolan, fearing they would all somehow know.

“Yeah sorry I, um- the water stains just weren’t coming out as quick as I thought,” you stumbled over your words. Luckily no one seemed to notice. Needless to say you weren’t much for conversation the rest of the night. You tried your best to keep up as to not raise any alarms but you were definitely absentminded. 

You must have been a better actress than you thought, because no one questioned you for the rest of the night. Kevin even said he had a great time with you, though he could have just been being nice. You felt bad about it, technically you were his date even though it was in a friendly way. It still felt sorta wrong to do that.

You kept your distance from Travis the next few weeks. Not that he did anything, but you knew if you were around him it would be inevitable that you would run into Nolan and you weren't ready for that. What would you say? What would he say? You hoped he wouldn't tell anyone what happened, you’d never be able to live it down. You imagined that if Travis knew, you would have heard from him by now, so that was your only bit of peace.

You hadn’t heard from Nolan, not that you really expected to. You don’t even think he had your number and you certainly never bothered to save his. You thought he may have found some way to sneak you an obnoxious message, but nothing. You wondered if he just saw you as another girl to conquer and now that he got his way he didn't care.

Eventually, you were missing your friend and he was getting suspicious of you suddenly disappearing. You knew if you denied the invite to his party tonight he’d be demanding answers. And, like, fuck Nolan right? You shouldn’t miss out on things because of him. You could ignore him, you were good at that. It wouldn’t be a big deal.

So why were you so nervous? You had wiped your palms on your jeans for the third time since arriving a short time ago.

“Jesus y/n what has gotten into you?” Travis asked, noting your stressed appearance. Nolan wasn’t there yet, but it was only a matter of time.

“Work,” you lied quickly. It was an easy out. “Just been a busy few weeks.”

Travis nodded, too buzzed to question you further. “You need this,” he handed you a cup, which you drank happily. He was right, you did need it. 

You downed most of the cup before you saw him. Your heart skipped a beat and you cursed it for betraying you. You couldn’t have feelings for Nolan, it went against everything you head told you. He caught your eye and you turned away quickly, downing the last bit of your drink and scurrying away to quickly find another.

“Hey y/n,” a familiar voice piped from behind you. You jumped, spilling the sprite you had been trying to add to your cup. Your stomach sunk to the floor when you saw him. Did he always look this good? You never noticed how tight his shirts were around his arms.

“What do you want Nolan?” you asked, trying to sound annoyed.

“Do you even have to ask?” He stepped closer to you. Fuck did he always smell this good too? What the fuck was happening to you?

“What are you doing? Is this just some fucking game to you?” you snapped. 

“I thought this was our thing, no?” he raised a brow at you.

“We do not have a thing,” you replied firmly.

“Oh please, y/n, after that you’re gonna act like you don’t like me?” He didn’t have to specify what “that” was. Your cheeks flushed at even the most subtle mention of it.

“Oh and you like me?” you shot back, “You act like you hate me.”

“Key word act,” Nolan responded, “I thought our banter was fun, you’re kinda sexy when you’re all worked up.” 

You huffed, rolling your eyes.

“See, that’s hot,” Nolan replied with a crooked grin, “I like that you put me in my place. You don’t take shit from anyone.”

“You’re full of shit,” you breathed, as Nolan got ever closer to you. At any moment someone could walk in and catch you two like this.

“That’s the difference between me and you, though,” Nolan went on, “I’m not afraid to admit I’ve thought about you. Touching you, kissing you, hearing you say my name.” His voice dropped to whisper as he got right next to you ear, “I know you’ve thought about me too, y/n.”

You looked at Nolan for any hint of jest in his eyes, fearing this was just some elaborate way to get you to admit you liked him so he could chirp you for it. There was none. You’ve never seen him look so sincere. Never noticed all the little flecks of colors in his eyes. You were memorizing them.

“Can we go somewhere private?” your voice was so quiet you were shocked he heard you over the din of the party happening just a room away. He grabbed you by the hand and let you to Travis’s spare room. 

The whole walk there you were thinking of what you wanted to say. Not that it matter, the second the door shut you practically crashed into each other, kissing hungrily. You realized it was the first time you had kissed and, fuck, was it making your head spin. Nolan held your face tightly, like he was afraid you could slip away at any second.

You only separated for a second, though your foreheads remained pressed together while you caught your breath. “I want you so bad,” Nolan panted.

“Show me.” 

He lifted you up swiftly, bring you to the bed. He collapsed on top of you, kissing and touching your body with urgency. Clothes came off quicker than you could keep track of and suddenly there was nothing separating the two of you.

You flushed as Nolan looked over you. “Better than I ever imagined,” he said so softly you wondered if you were even supposed to hear it. He was kissing you again in an instant and you could feel him hardening against your inner thigh. IT was driving you mad.

“Nolan I need you,” you whined, breaking the kiss.

He smirked, “Thought you’d never ask.” Nolan pressed into you slowly, your nails sinking deeper into you back the deeper he got into you.

“Fuck,” you groaned when he was all the way in.

“Always knew you’d love how it felt,” Nolan teased.

“Oh shut up,” you shot back.

Nolan grinned, pressing a kiss to your lips, “That’s my girl.” You didn’t have much time to process how your stomach fluttered when he called you his girl, as he quickly got to work. He thrusts were urgent, but not rushed. It was clear he was savoring this.

“Oh Nolan,” you let out a soft moan. His pace only got quicker at your praise. His hand slid up your side, learning the curves of your body. You slid your hand around the back of his neck and kissed at his jaw. the sound of his pants were music to your ears.

“Fucking hell, y/n,” Nolan groaned, his head tilting back as you were beginning to tighten around him. You wanted to tell him you were close, but your body beat you to it. Your back arched and it was like all the air had been sucked out of you as you came. You wrapped your arms around his back, holding him close to you as you felt his body shake. He let out slur of groans and curses as he came with you.

You kept kissing as you finished, giggling between kisses. You felt a million pounds lighter, not realizing how heavy the weight of the secret you’d been carrying around had been. Nolan grinned down at you, his cheeks flushed a deeper shade of red than usual. You tucked a strand of hand behind his hair, admiring how he was practically glowing.

“I wish we could go again, but people are gonna wonder where we are,” he said.

“You got more in you?” you cocked a brow.

“Oh you have no idea what I’m capable of y/n,” Nolan responded, “Especially when you feel this good.” He ran his fingers through your wet aching core to prove his point. You were so sensitive you jumped at even that slight contact.

“Odds we sneak out without teeks noticing?” you asked.

“Depends, how many beers has he had?” Nolan replied. You both got dressed quickly, hoping your host - all the guests - were too drunk to notice or care about your absence.

“Jesus Christ finally,” a loud voice chirped the second you reemerged. There goes that. Travis was beaming at the two of you. He was obviously drunk, but not drunk enough to forget how badly hes been wanting this to happen. “I was beginning to think you two idiots would never out you liked each other.”

“Fuck off Travis,” you replied with a laugh. There was no venom in your words, in fact you were beaming. How could you be mad when you had Nolan at your side?

[fullmetalscullyy]

royai week day 5: unfinished business

rated: explicit/nsfw | words: 3819

read on ao3

“Is something the matter, Colonel?” Hawkeye asked, face a picture of concern as she regarded him. He’d been fidgeting again, and more so than usual.

Havoc snorted from beside her, muttering under his breath. “He’s been through two pens this week. I think he’s a little frustrated,” Havoc smirked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I heard that,” Roy snapped.

“Good, you were meant to,” he grinned.

“The insubordination,” he muttered darkly, scowling at his Second Lieutenant as he laughed.

Yes, he was frustrated, but not in the general sense. Not in the way he should be in his place of work.

He couldn’t wait until the workday was over. Then it was payback time.

Roy strode from his car into the familiar apartment building. He was a man on a mission, and nothing could disrupt his path. Not even the out of order sign on the lift. Roy took the stairs two steps at a time instead to try and burn off the excess energy that had been hounding him for the past three days.

A sharp rap of his knuckles on the apartment door was the only sound in the hallway.

Hawkeye opened the door with a surprised look on her face. She was the picture of innocence, simply curious as to why her superior officer was outside her apartment door on a Friday night.

Yeah, right. She was in no way innocent.

“Sir?” She was confused. “What are you doing here?”

“I think you know,” he replied, shooting her a pointed look.

“I… I don’t think I do, but please, come in. Would you like a coffee?”

“Riza,” he replied sharply. She turned, again, confused. However, she never moved any closer to her kitchen because Roy grasped her wrist gently but firmly, spinning her back around to face him. She bumped against his chest, something that awoke a powerful, primal emotion inside of him. Unable to help himself, he pressed a kiss against her lips, finally feeling some of the tension that had built up inside of him slowly release.

“Uh… Sir, what –” Riza replied, flustered, when he pulled away.

“Don’t play dumb,” he murmured, moving away from her lips and kissing up her jawline, his words caressing her skin. He smirked when he noticed her shiver. His hands roamed freely, skimming up and down her sides slowly, around to her back then down her arms, wanting to exact the same kind of torture she had left him in for the last three days. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. This visit is simply dealing with some unfinished business.”

Riza’s façade broke and she chuckled to herself, grinning broadly. “If I’d known it would have elicited this kind of reaction, I would have done it sooner. And more often.”

“You little minx,” he growled, backing her up roughly against the wall. He swallowed her laugh – the kind that signalled her master plan had worked out in the end and the payoff was exquisite. Yeah, it was exquisite all right. Torture for Roy but entertaining for Riza. “It’s time to finish what you started two days.”

“With pleasure,” she grinned.

“Oh, it will be.”

He lifted her shirt out of the waistband of her skirt. His hands ached to touch her flesh and he gave into the desire, running them up her ticklish sides and around to her lower back, drawing circles on the skin which made her moan. Loudly.

“This is quite the reaction,” she breathed, head falling back against the wall as Roy moved down to kiss her exposed throat.

“When I proposed the idea of “spicing things up”, this isn’t what I meant,” he whispered against her collarbone. His hands had moved up to rest against the wall by her head, effectively trapping Riza in place.

“What’s so wrong with a little teasing?” she smirked. Roy lifted his head, extremely pleased when Riza made a sound of protest.

“You worked me up like that – in the office, I might add – and then took leave for two days and simply disappeared off the face of the earth.”

“I was visiting family, sir,” she purred. God, she knew exactly how that word affected him in a situation like this and she used it like a weapon. His Adam’s apple bobbed once, twice, then a third time. “Am I not allowed to do that with my holiday entitlement?”

“Not when you give me a fucking show in my office,” he growled, capturing her mouth once more and kissing her hungrily. “Your underwear is still in my drawer by the way,” he added.

“Pervert,” she giggled.

“Me? Who put them there in the first place?” he scoffed. “Pervert,” he muttered in disbelief under his breath. Him? A pervert? He didn’t strip in the office during their lunch break with the door barely unlatched so that anyone who walked in would be able to see them – Riza putting on a private show for him while Roy sat, rapt by her movements and drooling like an idiot. The biggest issue was the abrupt ending, the mischievous wink she’d given him before she collected her clothes and dressed in record time, strutting out of the office with her hips swaying in such a way that left Roy drooling again.

He’d been unable to leave because his trousers were incredibly tight in a very obvious place and the team had just returned from lunch not ten seconds after Riza had finished dressing.

Then she disappeared. For two whole days. It had been torture to work through Friday knowing the reminder of her little show was lying a foot to his right in his desk drawer. It had been torture to work with Riza all day, her acting like Miss Innocent and as if Tuesday had never even happened.

So yes, to confirm Havoc’s theory, he had been frustrated.

“Imagine my frustration when I received no answer at your apartment door on Tuesday night. Then Wednesday. Then Thursday. And imagine how I felt today, seeing you sitting there all business at your desk with no indication of what happened.”

“I was still in here,” she snickered.

“You…” Roy blinked down at her in disbelief, his mouth opening slightly in his shock. “Were still here? On Tuesday?”

Riza nodded, that mischievous twinkle in her eye never fading. “Yep.”

“You really do want to make me suffer, don’t you?”

Riza shrugged. “It was a bit of fun.”

“Not for me,” he growled, but his smirk belayed any real hostility. That could never happen towards her. “Now,” he ordered softly, removing his hands from the wall to touch the skin he’d been dying to get his hands on for the last three days. “You’re going to finish what you started, Lieutenant Hawkeye.”

“Of course, sir.” Her smile was devilish, her use of his honorific making him shudder. He kissed her hard once more, but Riza placed her hands on his chest, pushing him backwards. Shooting her a confused look, he asked her if anything was wrong. Riza shook her head, pushing away from the wall and into his personal space. “Follow me, sir,” she whispered into his ear, breath tickling his skin.

With another shudder he did as he was told. Eagerly.

He was mesmerized by the sway of her hips – something she put on just for this. She looked back at him over her shoulder, her eyes sultry and promising for the night that lay ahead for him.

“I apologise for “leaving you hanging”, sir,” she stated, flipping her hair as she returned to face ahead. The hands that had been swinging by her sides lifted to the front of her blouse. Roy looked on as he watched her unbutton her shirt from behind, the mystery and anticipation turning him on even more. His trousers tightened and he exhaled softly to himself, a thrill flying through his body. “Allow me to make it up to you.”

Her blouse dropped to the floor, revealing a purple lace bra. Roy almost tripped over the garment, enthralled by the sight. Her tattoo spread across her skin, but Roy had seen it hundreds of times by now. All he was focussed on was that scrap of lace and what it contained.

He had to see her.

Still, her eyes remained forwards, expecting him to follow. And of course, he would. Always.

As soon as they were in the privacy of her bedroom Roy’s hands were on her. She moaned into his mouth as he ran his hands up her bare sides. His hands swept over her chest, giving her breasts a gentle squeeze over the fabric of her bra. His fingers found their way to her nipples, giving them both a quick but gentle tug. Riza gasped, pulling away from his mouth in surprise and Roy smirked in response.

“Call it payback,” he murmured, mouth moving to her throat. He kissed her skin tenderly, moving up to her ear and nibbling on her earlobe.

“Oh, please don’t stop,” she moaned.

“Don’t stop…?”

“Don’t stop, sir,” she gasped as he gripped her earlobe gently with his teeth.

“That’s better,” he whispered directly into her ear. Riza shivered, her chest beginning to heave with every breath as Roy teased her. Roy’s attention was drawn away from her neck to watch his hands rise and fall with her breaths. They looked so nice, so right, resting there on her breasts.

“Like what you see?” she asked breathily, the sound sending a shock right into his groin. The way she was looking at him… It had him aching for more. Head tipped back, mouth open in pleasure, gaze lazily making its way down to meet his through the eyelashes of her half-lidded eyes.

Suddenly he wanted to touch every inch of her.

Roy bushed his hands over her chest again, gripping her breasts from the sides and giving them another quick squeeze. The soft gasp from Riza made him want to growl in response, that primal feeling erupting in him once again. His hands swept over her back as he claimed her mouth once more, hands stroking the skin of her scars as he moved them both closer to her bed. On the way he expertly flicked the clasp on her bra, letting her heavy tits loose. Roy tossed the piece of underwear behind him, not caring where it landed as her breasts were pressed against the fabric of his shirt.

He needed to lose that piece of clothing and lose it quickly. It was already off before they made it to the bed. They stopped abruptly, the back of Riza’s knees hitting it, but they tipped over, unbalanced.

She giggled as they fell backwards. Roy twisted so they landed on their sides, rather than crushing her under his weight. Once on the bed they paused, taking each other in. Riza smiled softly, bringing a hand to rest upon his cheek. Roy noted how even her eyes were smiling, pouring out the love she felt for him. He basked in it, letting the emotion wash over him.

Riza angled her head and kissed the underside of his jaw. “I love you,” she whispered.

Roy rolled them over – causing Riza to laugh again at the quick and sudden movement – so that he was hovering over her. As he looked down, he was overwhelmed. He loved this woman so much and he was determined to show her with his actions.

“I love you too, Riza Hawkeye. So much.”

“Even though I teased you?” she asked, an easy grin on her face.

Roy chuckled. “Even though you teased me, yes. I love everything you do to me.”

He begun to kiss his way down her body, lavishing attention on her nipples, alternating between sucking and gripping them gently with his teeth. His tongue swirled around the skin he’d abused with his teeth, lapping at it as she mewled and squirmed underneath him. The sound shot straight to his cock. He groaned when her hands moved to his head, fingers burying themselves in his hair. The nails scratching his scalp felt heavenly and Roy hummed his appreciation.

“Roy,” she gasped. Her back arched as he caught her nipples in his mouth again, sucking them hard as she eagerly pressed her tits into his face.

“Yes, Riza?”

“Please.”

“Please, what?” he asked, knowing how his pointless questioning turned her on even more. It frustrated her and it was exquisite to watch.

“Fuck me,” she demanded. “Please.”

“With pleasure.”

Always the tease, Roy slowly made his way down to the waistband of her skirt. He kissed and licked her stomach, the muscles contracting under his mouth as he tickled her. Her stomach was extremely ticklish – something Roy had taken note of very early on. Her frustration was clear as she shoved at his head, telling him to hurry up.

Oh, but my dear, your frustration just adds to the game, Roy chuckled as her hands continued to push him lower.

Hooking his fingers under the waistband, he eased the fabric off body, marvelling at how strong her legs were. They were toned and muscular – the perfect legs, in Roy’s opinion. Although, he may be biased, because they belonged to Riza. Every part of her was perfect to him.

He kissed her ankle after discarding the skirt, kissing his way back up her legs. When he reached her scorching centre, he paused, his breath tickling the skin and hair down there.

“Roy, I need you… Now.”

Her tone was desperate. It had been a while since they last been together. The smell of her indicated just how wet and ready she was for him. She wanted him to give it to her right now, and who was he to deny his queen that?

Roy quickly kicked off his trouser and boxers, his cock standing proudly. Riza eyed it, her gaze ravishing his body as she took him all in. She always did this, with a smirk that owned him in every way.

This body was hers, and that thought turned Roy on even more.

Crawling back over her like a lion stalking his prey, his gaze never left hers. Riza’s breaths were coming short and sharp by this point and as soon as he was close enough, she reached out with her mouth to catch his lips.

The intensity of it deepened, Riza becoming more frantic as her teeth grasped his bottom lip between them, tugging sharply. He couldn’t help but growl in response, pressing his lips hard against hers in response. As he did so, he eased himself into her wet heat, causing Riza to gasp at the sensation. Roy moaned into her mouth, gasping himself as her walls contracted, pulling him inside her.

“Oh my god,” she moaned loudly, throwing her head back.

“Fuck. You’re so wet.”

She squeaked and the sound almost sent him over the edge. “Fuck me, Roy. Fuck me, please. I need you. Now.”

He moved slowly, rocking his hips when he was all the way inside her. Riza moaned again but this time it was a mixture of frustration and pleasure. He picked up the pace eventually, leaving her breaths coming quicker and quicker. Every thrust was quicker than the last until eventually, he was pounding into her. The sight of her tits bouncing as he vigorously fucked her almost sent him tipping over the edge. In order to stave off his orgasm, Roy grabbed them to make them stop, but Riza groaned loudly at his roughness, sending another shock straight to his cock.

Oh well, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

He kneaded the flesh in his hands, rolling her nipples between his fingers as he continued to pound into her. Every time, just before he begun to pull out, a new noise would be ripped from her mouth.

“I’m… I’m so close,” she cried, overcome with sensation as he slammed back into her, squeezing her tits at the same time. Roy knew she was, he could feel the walls of her pussy beginning to convulse around him. His own cock throbbed inside her, pulsing with need and desperate for release.

But there was fun to be had first. Two could play at this teasing game.

Riza’s breathing stuttered as Roy bottomed out inside her – but didn’t move. She glanced down in outrage as to why he would stop, but Roy’s expression gave nothing away.

“Wh… Wh –”

Roy circled his hips and watched in amusement as her eyes rolled back, fluttering closed, her head falling backwards against the mattress.

“Roy!” she shouted, desperate for him to continue. Still, he offered her nothing. When she tried to move herself, wriggling in place, Roy gabbed her wrists, pinning them above her head with one hand. His other ran roughly and quickly down her body, starting just below her throat, travelling in between her breasts, sweeping down her ticklish stomach, and stopping just above where they were joined. Roy lifted his hand once its journey was complete, however the tips of his fingers were just low enough that they grazed the skin of her mound. It was enough to make her freeze in place and that was all Roy needed.

His face dropped low and sudden, just mere inches from her own. Underneath his chest, her own heaved with her breaths, her nipples kissing his skin lightly.

“Two can play at the teasing game,” he stated, tone dangerous, gaze never leaving hers. She looked truly trapped, held in place by just his eyes. He pulled his head back slowly and placed one hand next to her head. His hips twitched forward slightly, testing the water, and Riza moaned loudly. He smirked, pleased with himself.

This was his true payback.

The tension was building inside of him and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer. So, slowly, he begun to move. Riza almost screamed at the sensation – he’d been inside of her, completely still for about a minute now while she panted and writhed underneath his restraint. She gasped in relief, eyes flying open to see him still staring at her in the same way. Her skin flushed and Roy’s grin was wolfish. He loved the effect he had on Riza. Using simply his gaze, he could unravel her.

Unexpectedly, Roy begun to pound into her again. Like all the air was trapped in her lungs, Riza’s mouth was open but no sound left it. Eventually, it did, in one long scream.

She came over his cock screaming loudly into the night.

“Fuck,” Roy barked, continuing to thrust as she rode out her orgasm. He was so fucking close. Helping her ride it out, Roy’s fingers found her clit and rubbed it roughly. She didn’t let him have his fun earlier, so he had to get his kicks somehow. Riza’s eyes rolled backwards in her head as her climax intensified.

Listening to the sounds she was making, the wet sounds their bodies were making together, and the feeling of her walls contracting around him, Roy eventually came. He gasped and cried out, body shuddering as he did so. He rode it out, slowly moving in and out of her before pulling out, finally spent.

Roy fell onto the bed, landing on his back.

The pair of them lay there for a moment, trying to get their breath back and regain enough energy to sit up and talk.

“Well?” Riza panted, staring up at the ceiling. “Is the business officially finished?”

Roy nodded, still trying to catch his breath. “Oh yeah. Hell yeah.” Riza laughed lightly next to him, lifting a hand to wipe at her sweat covered face. She rolled onto her side, propping herself up onto her elbow, head resting against a closed fist. Her hair cascaded over her shoulder, fringe ruffled, and Roy thought she’d never looked so beautiful than she did now. Her post-sex look was a work of art that Roy wanted to immortalise forever. Of course, there was no way to do that physically, so his mind would do. He’d told her as such, only to receive the answer: “Well, we’ll just have to do it more often.”

He wasn’t going to argue with that.

Her fingers moved to his chest, trailing over his well-defined pecs and tickling the sweaty skin. It felt like heaven.

“I love you,” she stated.

“And I, you, Riza,” he smiled, grasping the wrist of the hand tickling him gently, entwining their fingers together. He gave it a squeeze, and so did she. Riza bent low, kissing him softly. Roy hummed into it, appreciating the gesture.

“I would apologise for the teasing,” she began, eyes flashing in amusement. “But I think it worked out in both our favours.”

“It did,” he grinned. “One request?”

“Anything,” she murmured, kissing him again.

“Warn me next time?”

Riza raised an eyebrow. “Next time?”

“Of course,” he replied, not batting an eyelid.

“Deal.”

With a grin, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, her back flush against his back. Oh, there would definitely be a next time. Of course, before that, Roy had to get his turn at teasing. He’d had fun tonight, but that was nothing compared to the three-day denial he’d been subjected to. Plans were already formulating in his mind and he grinned wickedly against the back of her head, his cock twitching at the thought of what he would do to this woman in front of him to maximise her pleasure.

One thing at a time, Roy.

Tomorrow was the weekend and they had the whole day to themselves.

He kissed the back of her head, her hair tickling his nose, as he bid her goodnight. Riza sighed happily, her arms curling around one of his, hugging his hand close to her body. His fingers grazed her breasts as she moved him and he smirked to himself. His fingers twitched, brushing against her nipples and causing Riza’s breath to hitch.

“Are you okay?” he mumbled innocently. His hand moved, removing it from her grip and snaking under one breast – the weight of it resting on his forearm – and coming to rest upon the other, his entire palm closing over the nipple.

“What happened to sleeping?” Riza asked, humming her approval.

“Sleep is for the weak,” he muttered, enjoying himself too much. His cock twitched again, gearing up for round two.

“Maybe, but we still need it.” He got comfortable, thumb stroking the soft skin of her breast as he weighed her statement. She was right, they needed to sleep. His hand stilled, palm still covering her nipple. The weight was nice and comfortable in his hand and on his forearm. He wasn’t going to move it.

Plus, if they did sleep now, then Roy would get to experience his second favourite thing in the world – behind making love to Riza Hawkeye.

Waking up next to her in the morning.

[the-stick-scribblers]

From Nate’s Perspective

We moved into the hotel last week.  It's nicer than I expected it to be.  Even though Kat and I have to share a room, it's not really that different from the apartment.  John gave us a suite, so we have a living space and almost a whole kitchen.  Neither of us cook anyway, so it barely makes a difference. 

"As long as there's a microwave, I'm good," she said as soon as she saw the place, and while I wish I could disagree, I don't really.

Otherwise, the suite is nice.  All grays and whites.  The opposite of the way I think of John.

But the more I see, the more I think John the landlord and John the owner of a well-known hotel are two completely different people.  In the apartment, everything was brown and green.  Even the light had an earthy quality. Not here.

Kat is thrilled to be here. She's acting like we won the lottery. But I confess, I feel -- uncomfortable here. I miss the dark, close corners of home. This place feels transient. I mean, it's meant to, right? You're not supposed to get too attached to a hotel.  It would probably be a problem if you did.

There are too many people at the hotel too. Home is a place for few people. I had thought that if John was moving us in, it must mean the place was more or less empty. It's not exactly peak tourist season. But maybe I underestimated his generosity, or how much it would cost to out us up somewhere else. Because the place is, not full exactly, but far from empty. I can't go anywhere without running into someone, or somebody stopping me to ask if I know where the nearest restaurant or coffee shop is. For some reason I've been spotted as a local. I seem to be universally recognized. I don't know why. No one seems to suspect Kat of secretly belonging here.

I'm sure that's just racism, now that I think of it. But still.

The suite itself is nicer than I think either of us let ourselves hope for. We each have our own area, but they aren't exactly two separate rooms.  There's no door in-between. The only doors are from the suite to the hallway, and then the one on the bathroom. Still, even that isn't so different from our apartment, where Kat always keeps her door open anyway. Square-footage aside, the space at the hotel is so much more functional than our apartment was that it almost feels bigger.

Still, though. I'll be excited to go back. Whenever that ends up being.

The one thing I like better about being at the hotel is our proximity to everything. From the apartment, I would have to take the bus into work every day. Now I can walk, and it's easy to get anywhere I could want to go. I'm enjoying having the freedom my body is enough to give me here.  Because of this, I know I'll be out a lot. Since yesterday, though I we've mostly been moving in, so we've been in and out of the hotel a lot.

This has given us ample opportunity to get to know some of John's patrons.

There's Mrs. Madson, who seems to be the sole occupant of the top floor -- that's the fourth floor -- for the moment. And I don't wonder why.

If I had the choice, I would make sure she had a whole floor to herself as well.  She's perfectly nice, but everywhere she goes, a cloud of overpowering rose scent follows her, and she wants to do nothing but tell everyone she comes across all about her cats.  As far as I know, the cats are back home -- wherever home is for her -- or they're long gone.  Then again, I wouldn't put it past her to have smuggled them into the hotel somehow.  That might explain why everyone else avoids the fourth floor as though it were quarantined for plague.

Then there's Bud Horroway.  I have no idea where he's from.  I can't get a good read on him at all.  Kat thinks he's just a sweet old man -- a southern gentleman, she says -- but I don't know.  I think he's hiding something.  He told me yesterday, when he was helping me carry a box of Kat's books up to our suite (Kat didn't help because she says carrying heavy things is clearly men's work, under the patriarchy, and she may as well get use out of the patriarchy when she can) that he's been here for six weeks now.

Who lives in a hotel for six weeks?  The list according to Kat: people who recently lost everything in a fire, old men who don't know how to live alone after their wives have died, disadvantaged elderly who have been bamboozled by their young relatives.  I'm not sure that this last makes much sense, but I don't typically argue with Kat unless I have to.

I did point out that someone with something to hide might live in a hotel for six weeks.  She just laughed and said, "You always look for the worst possible answer, Nathan.  Besides, by the time we have to go home, we'll have been there for at least that long."

I realized she was right as soon as she said it, but I hadn't thought at all about how long we'll probably have to stay at the hotel.

My favorite person I've met so far is a woman on the third floor, an artist.  She told us she's here because she's working on a project based around Portland.  She spends every day wandering around town, sketching different buildings she sees.  Then she comes back to the hotel, which she's treating as a sort of studio, and she sculpts the buildings, using her sketches as her medium.  Apparently she got some kind of grant for the project, which is how she's paying for the hotel.

We haven't seen anyone here our own age.  There's one family with young children.  Emma, the artist, is forty-five.  But most people here are older.  A hotel full of baby boomers.  And Kat is thrilled to be here.  She doesn't even mind that everyone who sees us together assumes we're on a honeymoon.  I laughed the first time someone asked us.  I figured they must be joking.  But they just stared at me until Kat explained.

Kat has conspiracy theories about almost everyone who’s staying here, but the longer they’re staying, the more she side-eyes them.  I think she’s doing this mostly for my benefit, to make me laugh, and to tease me, which she doesn’t know I know.

She’s come up with some stories that are pretty outrageous – it’s a little impressive, though I would never make the mistake of telling her so.

Her favorite theories are about the hotel guests who I like the best.  The artist who makes sculptures of the buildings in town is secretly a Russian spy.  The man who camps out at the continental breakfast every morning, eating room temperature pancakes with cold butter and no maple syrup, tells jokes because he’s trying to lull us into a false sense of security, so that when he shows up to our rooms later, we’ll let him in without a care, and be murdered and robbed without any sign of a break-in or struggle.

I told her she has a morbid sense of humor, but she said I was a pot and she a kettle, and then she went on anyway.

I know she’s ay I’m just proving her point if I said what I’m about to write out loud, but the thing is – while Kat’s conspiracy theories are intentionally extreme – there does something to be something a little strange about this hotel.

Maybe I’m wrong and I’m just not used to being around so many rich people (or any rich people, unless you count John) but I don’t know.  It’s not that anything seems to be happening, exactly.  I’m not saying I secretly believe that there’s truth to Kat’s jokes.

It’s more that everyone here acts like only one piece of themselves is allowed out of their hotel room, like only a fraction of each of us is free to step over the threshold of our suite and wander the halls.  Like we’re all staying here as a way to hide ourselves.

Kat would tell me I’m projecting, and maybe I am, but I can’t get this feeling to let go of me – the feeling that I’m walking around with half a face, and everyone else is too.

I don't think about this in vulnerable moments, but in those times when I myself am in the in-between spaces -- the hallways on my way out, or at the breakfast tables.  Something about the nature of the place has me feeling like everything I do here is only half real.  It isn't mine, this place.  A hotel isn't anyone's, in a way.  And yet, I live here, so I feel a sense of entitlement over it in a way I've never felt before.

Yesterday I stole a pen from the front desk when Stacie, the hotel manager who usually stands there for hours at a time, was somewhere else.  And it felt so natural that I did it again today.

I know, I know -- they're just pens, right?  Printed with the name of the hotel along the side and everything, so you know they probably want people to take them.  It's not a big deal, I get that.  But the fact that I felt the urge to do it at all, and that I acted on it, demonstrates that being here is affecting me.  I'm not talking about crazy stuff.  Just that, maybe my surroundings affect me more than I think they do.  Maybe what home determines who we are, and not the other way around.

The last couple of days, I've started watching the other guests -- tenants? -- more closely.  Not stalking them or anything.  Nothing creepy.  Just, in moments when we're all around each other but everyone expects everyone else to be too self-absorbed to pay attention, I pay attention.  I don't think I really thought I would notice anything, but I have.  The pens, for one thing.  Not one of us seems to be capable of resisting the pens.  But it's other things too.  People take things, little things -- bagels at breakfast, knickknacks left on decorative tabletops -- just slip them into their pockets like none of it will ever be missed.

Everyone does it.  I even saw Kat do it once.  It wasn't a pen from the front desk either.  I saw her take a movie ticket from a coffee table in the lobby.  There were four, a family's.  She didn't take all of them, only one, and it struck me because, I mean, it's almost worse, right?  That she only took one.  So when the family goes to their movie, they probably won't even realize they're missing a ticket until they get there.  Still not a big deal really.  Anyone who can afford to stay at this hotel for real can afford to buy an extra ticket at the Nick.  But still, I've never seen her do anything like that before.

She didn't know that I saw her take it.  Later that day, I asked her what she did all afternoon, and she told me she went to see the new James Bond movie by herself.  I asked why she didn't invite me and she just shrugged it off.  "I felt like going alone," she said, but she's never gone to the movies alone before.

But is it this place?  Is it doing something to all of us?  Or is it just that being in a place like this lets us all behave the way we normally would anyway, if we had nothing to stop us?  Maybe that's why Kat keeps coming up with these conspiracy theories, because she's noticed too.  I don't know.  We haven't talked about it.

Normally we talk about everything.  Sharing the same one-bedroom apartment for three years kind of leaves you with limited boundaries.  It's like having two separate spaces all of a sudden has made us truly two separate people for the first time in a long time.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  In some ways, it's nice to, I don't know, feel like more of my own person.  On the other hand, I sort of miss Kat, and I wish she would tell me about things like stealing movie tickets from children.  I mean, really, what is up with that?

Maybe I'll find out.  God knows we're stuck here -- get to be here? -- for a while.  If Kat gets her way, it will be months before we can go home.  Maybe it's my way too.  Maybe that's what I really want.  Maybe if we stay long enough, I'll find out.

[browniefox]

Pro No Evens - YOLMT 4

Pro No Evens - You Only Live Multiple Times 4

Conspiracy Theory About Themselves And Power Time

An Against All Odds @royalflushstories and Royal Expectations @trulymightypotato fusion.

Part 1 Part 3

“Alright, let’s try this out.”

Cry sets the wine glass on the table before stepping away. Across the room, Felix rolls his shoulders, eyes set on his target. He breaths in a deep breath, holds it in his lungs for a second, and then screams. He pushes outwards with his hands, because the movement somehow helps him focus on what he’s doing, and makes the pitch higher. The glass vibrates, but he’s starting to run out of breath now. 

He pushes harder with the energy inside of him, and though he’s no longer screaming the vibrations still bounce around in the air near the glass. He makes the pitch higher and increases the volume. By now his head is starting to hurt, but he’s so close. He feels his control on the waves slip.

The glass remains in one piece. The windows, on the other hand, are completely shatter.

“I’m making Ken clean that up.”

Cry kicks a bit of the glass with the tip of hoot shoe. 

“B-but,*gasp*, they br-oke.” Felix braces his hands on his knees, trying to get some air back into himself. “I, call that, a w, *wheeze*, -win.” 

“It was pretty impressive.” Cry concedes and pats Felix’s shoulder.

“aH!” Felix jumps back as a little shock goes through him. “Could you maybe stop doing that?”

“I need to practice my powers too.” Cry shrugs and Felix just knows that if he could see the other’s face he’d have a smug look on his face. Then again, he can feel the smugness loud and clear through their, their... okay, he’s still trying to figure out/remember the name of it, but their bond thing. “Though I do think we should take a break. Much more of this and you’ll pass out.” 

“I can keep going.” Felix straightens up, but he can feel Cry’s glare. Right. Cry can feel how tired he is. “But I guess we can stop for lunch.”

“Have you been able to remember anything new?” Cry asks as they head down to the dining room. Felix shakes his head.

“You’re important to me, I’ve died for you and would do so again. I had a weird medal thing, but it’s gone now. Marzia was there, and we were married. And there were a lot of other people that are familiar, but I can never make out their faces.” It’s just the normal stuff, the stuff they review with each other every day to make sure they don’t get back into The Loop. The Loop, as in the time where Felix had tried to pretend nothing weird was going on and kept remembering, then forgetting, a bunch of random things from The Realms. 

“We’ll just have to keep waiting.” Cry hums. “It’ll come to you eventually.”

oOo

“Alright, so... we connect The Demon Prince to the Suzerian War?”

“Mm, yeah. But also make sure that his proximity to The Queen doesn’t move, I’m still convinced they’re connected.” 

PJ took out the pins holding the different words to the board and shifted them around a bit. Together, they had really started to piece a few things together. At the top of the board in bold letters was ‘THE REALMS’. Across the board was what, between the two of them, they’d been able to think about. 

PJ’s name was in a group entitled ‘Protectors’, and although it was the only definite name there they both knew that there were others. There were vague sketches of faces they’d tried to remember, but the memories were tough coming and neither were very good artists. 

Dan and Phil were grouped in with the ‘Nobles and Royals’. Their names were on one piece of paper, because they were Together in whatever was going on here. Dan kept insisting that they were married, which was very very weird but then again, most of this was. A little string connected Dan, Phil, and PJ. PJ had been their Protector, whatever it was that meant. 

The ‘cat-nose-and-whiskers’ held some kind of significance, though neither were really sure exactly what. 

There were wars slapped on the board, names of places that didn’t really exist. The numbers Three and Four kept coming up, as did Seven. And plants. Every time Dan thought about Phil, he also thought about plants - though, to be fair, even the ‘real’ Phil liked plants quite a bit, a few always existing in their apartment. 

It was strange, really. The more Dan worked with PJ, the more sure he became about what the strangeness in his head meant. It became less foggy and easier to read. Perhaps it was just getting it out in the open for once, but he felt like it was something more than that too. He hummed as he connect a string between ‘Dragon’ and ‘Land of the Squirrels’. Maybe soon, he’d know what was wrong with him.

“DAN!” 

The door to the apartment was thrown open and Dan jumped, nearly stabbing himself on a pin. PJ dropped the pencil in his hand, a half-written note about an amulet or something left forgotten as he threw himself between the open door and Dan, hand to his side like he was reaching for a weapon.

“Dan, I was so worried! I took a shower, and then when I got out you were gone! How am I supposed to make sure you’re okay if I don’t know where you are?” Phil bustled in, looking rather disheveled as he made a B-line for his friend. “I’ve been running all over town, trying to figure out where you’d gone, and asking if anybody saw you and then somebody said they saw you come back here and, and,” Phil sighed, shoulders slumping. “Please don’t do that to me again.” 

“Sorry Phil.” Dan looked down, guilt rolling off of him in waves and knot of weird worry in the pit of his stomach. 

“I... I’m glad you’re okay.” Phil ran a hand down his face. He looked so tired right now. 

“Phil.” PJ looked like he was doing his best not to freak out at being so close to Phil. After their discussion about what a Protector could mean and how PJ would literally die for either of them, Dan had hoped that PJ would get a chance to come to term with the weird feelings before having to face them head on.

“PJ, thanks for bringing Dan back.” Phil gave him a smile, a grin, and PJ looked like he was about to cry. “And for keeping him distracted by the look of it. What is this, a story or something?”

“Yeah, a story.” PJ managed through a tight throat. “I, uh, need to go now. My, ah, family might start to wonder where I am.” 

“Well, feel free to stop by any time you like.” Phil patted his shoulder. “Always good to see a nice face. “

PJ looked like he was going to say something more, but instead he just nodded and left through the still open door, closing it behind him. Phil gave another sigh, turning back to Dan again. 

“Dan, next time wait for me before you go running off.” 

“Yeah, sorry.” Dan looked down, doing his best to look guilty. And he did feel guilty... but he also was so glad to have ran into PJ and start sorting out the crazy in his head. 

“It’s really an interesting thing you’re writing over here.” Phil remarked, looking back at the board, tracing his hand on the papers. He frowned a bit. He looked down at the note PJ hadn’t finished. 

Latter that day, as Dan walked into the living room ready to go to Freddy’s, a paper with the word ‘medallion?’ was pinned next to the Protector section.

oOo

“STEPH! WE’RE HAVING COMPANY FOR DINNER TONIGHT!”

Mat’s voice rings through the house. Steph sets down the ladle, adjusting her apron a bit before going into the front hall. She can’t help but to grin at the younger cop next to her husband.

“You know Gar is always welcome.” 

“I know Gar is.” Mat says, and he sounds... weird. Steph glances at the dirt on his hands that’s been there more and more often these days. And then, somehow, she only now notices the man behind the two others. She takes a step back upon seeing the man who more likely than not had a hand in Jason’s death. 

“Oh, hello there Mr. Barnes.” Steph manages to get out without too much trouble. Her eyes snap to his hands, which have even more dirt on them than Mat. His eyes are a little puffy, like he’d been crying recently or perhaps trying very hard not to. 

“Hello Mrs. Patrick.” Barnes wasn’t quite meeting her eyes, and she wasn’t entirely sure she even wanted him to. “So sorry to intrude on you.”

“It’s alright, I always make more than enough food. It may be a little bit longer though.” 

“We’ll be waiting in the dining room.” Mat gave her a smile that said just how thankful he was for her, and she managed to give him one in return before returning to the kitchen, stirring the soup.

“She’s familiar.” 

Stephanie froze at the word’s from the mob boss’s husband’s voice drifted to her from the dining room. 

“I’m getting the weird feeling around her too.” 

This time, it was Gar. She set the ladle down again, getting closer to the door to better hear them.

“What kind of feeling? Can you describe it a bit better?” 

Her husband joins into the conversation.

“It’s sort of what I get whenever I think about either of you for too long. You’re important to me. I should protect you if I can.” There was a bit of shifting. “But it’s much stronger for M- for Lady Foxglove.” 

“So she can’t be too involved in this.” Mat concluded. 

“No.” Wade said. “Whatever our issue is, she doesn’t have to worry about it. While’s she’s getting dinner, why don’t we start compiling what we all have.”

And she stands there, against the wall, quiet as she can be, and listens as they talk. Things about medallions and protectors and nobles. Thoughts about dead people coming back to life. Dreams of strange wolves that walked on two legs and people they must protect.

They don’t question what takes her so long to prepare the meal, don’t seem to think much of it at all. 

The paper with everything they said is hidden in the back of the cupboard. 

oOo

Ethan can’t help but to think about flying.

He can’t stop looking out the window during work, looking up at the sky, and wishing he was there. Which was crazy. Absolutely insane.

But then again, so was the weird person he was serving. 

“Excuse me, waiter?” 

Ethan did his best to look like he hadn’t been incredibly distracted. 

“Yes, what can I get for?” 

“I need your help.” 

Something glinted from the pocket of their coat.

oOo

Cry screamed, jolting awake.

His hand clawed at his face, trying to find the burn scars that should’ve been there. 

[dixonministry]

If I Ruled The World

The world would be quite a bit different if I were its supreme dictator. Oh yes, I am in favor of a dictatorship, as long as that dictator is me! And here's how it would go. 

A few disclaimers before we begin: 1) Keep your expectations low when you read this. You won’t like everything I list but you won’t hate it all either. This is due to me being neither a liberal or a conservative solely but rather bits and pieces of each. 2) I am making this rant for my own entertainment and the entertainment of the few people who enjoy it when I rant. I am not making this in hopes of starting a debate on what is right or wrong, stupid or smart. If I sound like an idiot to you, cool. Let me sound like an idiot in peace! With that said, keep your lame ass argumentative comments out of my inbox. Thanks. Ok on with the rant!

First of all, I'd have to setup a single worldwide government. The current rulers of all current nations would become representatives of their respective countries on my World Senate. Of course, being a dictator I don't really need a Senate, but it's nice to have. As long as they know that anything they decide can get shit-canned by me, then it's all good. Not Bush though. And definitely not T.rump. I would pass a law that no-one in the Bush/T.rump family is ever allowed to enter politics ever again. I'd make 0bama the President again so he could be the American Senator, cuz I liked him.  It goes without saying that I'd first pass all sorts of Youth Rights laws. Every age-based law would be abolished and replaced by laws that actually make sense. For example, the driving age would get axed and be replaced by a more rigorous driving test. In fact, we have way too many stupid drivers out there as it is, so the WHOLE driving test would have to be retaken by everyone. I would bring back beheading as the favorite execution style. Lethal Injections are for pussies. What the fuck is scary about getting a shot that puts you to sleep? Fuck no, if you did something bad enough that you deserve to die, you're gonna lose your head, bitch! Murderers get the death penalty, period. No life imprisonments for assholes who kill people. You kill someone, you die, that's all. (Note: DP would however only occur with a substantial amount of concrete evidence) Rapists get the death penalty. If she said no, then it's NO, motherfucker.  If you beat your kids, you get put in chains in the middle of Times Square and people can pay $1 for one punch or kick. The beatings stop when someone draws blood (cuz we don't wanna kill your ass). On the 3rd offense, an angry mob gets to beat your ass into a coma. If you come out of it, your kids can decide whether you should live or die. If you molest a kid, whatever part of your body touched them gets painted with acid. Then you go to the chopping block! If you steal from someone, you lose your rights and freedom for 1 year and become your victim's endentured servant. On the 3rd offense, you will work until you have paid for 10 times the value of the item stolen or for 5 years, whichever comes first. Marijuana is legal in Salt’s World. It will be tightly regulated and heavily taxed, because if you're gonna be a pothead, you're gonna fucking pay for it. Growing your own shit or selling it without a license will be considered stealing from the government and you get the punishment for theft (see above). Drunk drivers get no chances. First offense of drunk driving means you lose your license for life, in theory. I say "in theory" because it will work sort of like a life sentence in prison works. You can be brought up for "parole" and a committee will assess whether you deserve to get your license back. Such assessments will occur once every 10 years. If you beat your wife, I annul your marriage and place a restraining order against you. I don't care if she gives me that brainwashed crying bullshit "but he loves me, he didn't mean it, really he doesn't abuse me." You hit her, you lose her, and that's final. I will have my government scientists figure out an alternative to abortion that everyone can live with. Preferably, I'd like to see us be able to remove an embryo and continue to grow it in a lab. People who're trying to adopt always want babies and they always have to wait years for one. Not anymore. Furthermore, it seems that adoption is frowned upon due to it being so difficult to get approved and those who do get approved have a predisposition for choosing pretty, white INFANTS. Under my control, a new process will be drawn up to make it not only easier to adopt regardless of sexuality, marital status, etc but make it so that people don’t get to “select” which child they want. First come, first given, end of story. If you really want a child, you wouldn’t be that gdamn picky anyway. If you don’t want your child, that’s fine and well. We will literally take it out of your stomach (same concept as aborting) and grow it for you. Real abortions will only be allowed if a health risk to either mother or child comes up. This is how I would attempt to find middle ground, a compromise if you will. My government will fund cloning research. I want to be able to clone stem cells and body parts. If this can be done, maybe sick and dying patients won't have to wait year after year for suitable donors. In a world where everyone is part of the same government, there's not much need for massive armies. A global police force will be instituted as the next step above Federal officers. So, it would go, local cops, state cops, federal cops, global cops. Without an army to feed, clothe, etc. a shitload of money would be freed up to make people's lives better. There won't be anymore fucking hunger in my world. Every single farm worldwide will be required by law to give 5% of their yearly output to the government for distribution to the poor. They will, of course, receive a humongous tax break for doing this and any farm that voluntarily gives in excess of 15% will pay no taxes at all. Yes, I know this will make the cost of food rise globally. Too bad. You pay a dollar more for your T-bone and you can just cry about it, but at least some little Ethiopian can have some fucking potatoes that night. And in retrospect, under my administration, the percentage of poor people in the world should lower dramatically if not disappear altogether if you play your cards right. But until this global shitshow is corrected, that’s what would have to happen. Medicine will no longer be big business. All wealthy citizens under my rule will see a tax increase, which will pay for everyone's healthcare. No more private insurance companies, it's going government-issue, baby! And, by the way, under my rule the words "government issue" won't be a synonym for "piss poor." No one should be groaning about this because the minimum wage will also see an increase to an actual living wage proportional to the cost of living that will make workers and their families happy and also boost consumer sales, thus increasing the profits of businesses everywhere. The lack of insurance plans employers now have to provide for their employees will free up some of that extra cash. We're dismantling nuclear weapons and using their radioactive components as fuel. What the fuck do we need nukes for when all the world is united under one government? I will pass a law stating once and for all that all sentient life on this planet is entitled to equal treatment and protection under the law and that no law may be passed which contradicts this. Gay marriage: Legal. If you file a stupid lawsuit, we throw you in jail for 3 months. This includes suing the tobacco industry when you're the one who lit up 50 times a day for 30 years, moron. You also can't sue because you're fat. Watch what you eat and exercise if it bothers you so much! I will force Microsoft, Apple, and all those Google people to work together and create "The Uber OS." It'll run Windows programs and Mac programs (all versions) and Google programs (all flavors). All the drivers will work interchangeably. They will all be told that if the OS ever crashes, they each lose a family member! Mwahahahahaha. (kidding obvs). Every citizen will be allowed to carry a sidearm, as long as the sidearm is worn in plain view (like the old west). Every citizen carrying a gun had better remember the price they'll pay for murder. Unless it's self defense or defense of another's life, don't pull that gun! Significant resources will be diverted to build subway systems. City-wide, State-wide, Nation-wide, and World-wide systems will be built. Any system that is Interstate or beyond must be supersonic. The World-wide system must reach speeds of Mach 2 or greater (don't try standing up on the train, bitch!). The purpose of this subway network will not only be to facilitate free travel across the globe, but also to provide countless millions of new jobs that should adequately handle our planet's homelessness and unemployment problems. I should've mentioned taxes earlier, but here it is. The worldwide tax brackets will be as follows: everyone making 10k or less will owe 12% (you can omit the extra 2% with a financial hardship exemption form but it should be noted that no full-time adult worker should be making that much under my leadership so this should be doable without a person’s quality of life taking a hit), everyone making between 10,001-99,999 will owe 15%, everyone making $100k-$200k will owe 30%. Everyone over 200k will owe 50%. Surely you don't think the money for all these great improvements is just gonna fall from the sky? Recycling will become mandatory. We throw away far too much shit. Why chop down a rainforest when there's enough paper in a city dump to fill a library 10 times over?! We will also have to become far less dependent on fossil fuels. I'll work out a timetable for eventually outlawing fossil fuels in favor of electric, solar, and nuclear power. Go back to that city dump and imagine how many atoms are sitting their going to waste when we could be smashing them and reaping the benefits. Prison overcrowding? No problem! Legalizing weed and making drugs a medical issue instead of a criminal one should take care of this problem for the most part and as for the rest, well, Antarctica is just sitting there not doing a damn thing, it's time we put it to use. Remember the penal colony "Rura Penthe" from Star Trek VI? Yup, it'll be something like that. No guard towers, no fence, nothing. If you wanna escape, go ahead. You'll just freeze to death, idiot. Otherwise, you'll stay right there in prison and serve out your sentence. Imagine how many new jobs a prison that size will create? And the cost of feeding them will be negligible. They'll have giant heated greenhouses for growing everything they eat. They don't work to grow it, they don't eat. In other words, a prison sentence means you serve your time as a farmer in the middle of frozen fucking nowhere. Jon Stewart will be appointed as my press secretary. At least all my press releases will have the whole world laughing their asses off. Minimum Wage will be increased to $12.50/hr. I think Ronald McDonald can afford to buy used overhauls for a while so that his employees don't have to shop at the Salvation Army. Corruption in government would be gone. No one is allowed to spend more than $500 on their election campaigns. They can put up a fucking website and do grassroots shit. That way there's no big corporate donations and shit to deal with. Plus, politicians are gonna become like preachers: We give them a place to live and a minimal salary, that's it. No big bucks, no fancy cars, nothing. It's not gonna be about the money. All the money we cut from politicians can go to teachers, cops, firemen, etc. Y'know, the government employees who actually fucking DO something worthwhile and give back to society. Pro Athletes get capped at $90,000/yr. None of this being a rich bastard because you play a fucking game. Maybe then, only people who LOVE the sport and DON'T corrupt it will find their way in. Just like with the politicians, when it's not about the money only people who actually give a fuck will want the job. Ninety grand a year is still a damn good salary. It's not like they'll be poor. The RIAA and MPAA will be told once and for all to shut the fuck up about Peer-to-Peer. They should've jumped on the bandwagon when it got rolling, now they can just suck it up. By the way, musicians and actors are capped at $60,000/yr. They can still have the royalties on their music, movies, concerts, commercial deals, etc. Wouldn't be fair to take that away from them. However, the industry will still be encouraged to develop better copyright protection methods so that all the true geeks can still enjoy the immense thrill of breaking a copyright protection scheme only days after it's implemented. They've gotta have something to do on a dateless Saturday night. Wouldn't want to rob them of that. We'll be having a government-sponsored betting pool on how long it takes the industry to figure out that copyright protection is fucking useless (they spend years developing some new state-of-the-art system and once it's released, a 13yo breaks it in 2 days... get a clue). SPAM will be made illegal! The punishment for spamming is 5 years in the Antarctic Prison Colony! I think that just about covers the basics. Of course, I could probably go on all fucking night with this shit, but if I kept going I'd never get this rant posted. Just know that there's like a billion more cool things I'd do. I might just have to make a sequel to this rant. Until then....... Salt for president 2020.  

[ouraidengray4]

Why We Stay With People Who Are Bad for Us

I'm grateful to know a lot of smart, capable women. Sadly, many of these smart, capable women have committed themselves to guys who are clueless, emotionally unavailable, or just plain jerks. How does this happen so often?

Of course, hetero ladies aren't the only ones who deal with this phenomenon—this problem runs across all lines of gender and sexuality. No matter who you are or who you're attracted to, it's more than plausible that you've gotten together with someone who's straight-up bad for you (and probably on more than one occasion).

You might also like READ

Why do we do this? How do lovely people wind up with such unlovely mates? I spoke with a range of psychologists and relationship experts to find out the mystery behind why we so often end up with bad partners and why it's so hard to leave—even when we know it's not working.

Everything's Scary

One of the simplest reasons people stay with bad partners is this: fear. Sometimes it's easy to think, If this doesn't work out, maybe nothing will. So they stay with a less-than-ideal partner to avoid the possibility of loneliness.

A study from the University of Toronto found that participants with a stronger fear of being alone were more likely to settle for a crappy relationship. And although we stereotypically picture guys as commitment-phobic or marriage-averse, it turns out they're just as scared of a never-ending single life—this study showed that the fear of being alone drove both men and women equally.

The idea of breaking up with a bad mate doesn't just bring up the fear of being alone: You have to deal with the potentially horrible, frightening prospect of dating again. "For some, dating can even be depressing," says licensed mental health counselor Shani Graves. "We'd rather silently suffer in a relationship that gives a sense of companionship than start all over again."

No matter who you are, dating is hard. You have to experience weird small talk; potentially rude, unpleasant, or even creepy people; and that one guy who will go out of his way to call you ugly and awkward when you reject him (which, yeah—that's a personal, true-life tale). So when you combine the mess of dating and the scariness of being alone, you get a whole ton of fear. And that fear keeps couples together that should have parted long ago.

It's Easy

It's easy to see a relationship from the outside and say, "Just leave her! She's been trying to make it as an amateur DJ for ten years! For the love of God, just go!"

But think of it from the other side: In a long-term relationship, a breakup is tough, and not just emotionally. "There are many everyday reasons for staying—convenience, routine, stability, habit, etc," says clinical psychologist David Woodsfellow, Ph.D. "All of these are real—and important. These should not be underestimated or downplayed."

There's a lot of hard work that goes into a breakup. You probably have to move out, separate your things, and become completely financially independent again. Maybe your partner used to always handle the taxes. Well, no more. Time to get your own CPA and slog through a pile of 1099s!

It's even more complicated if you have pets. Who gets the dog? Will Puppy McRuffles have to stay weekends at your ex's house or can you just keep him? Then there's friends. Can you still hang out with "their" friends? Will they cut you out of their life because of the breakup? Will it be weird if your old friends still want to keep in contact with him?

Oh, and family. You probably met their family. In fact, they might be just as (maybe more) important to you as your own blood relatives. After a breakup though, that newfound family probably won't be around to support you.

And good God, kids. If you have kids, it's a whole new world of complication.

So you already have to split your life in two and you have the added stress of explaining your choice to everyone around you. "There is the perception that you have to justify your reasons for ending the relationship to others—friends, family—in a way that makes sense to them," says Lesli Doares, relationship coach, author, and radio host of Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning. She feels that couples sometimes stay together partially because they don't want to explain why they'd rather be apart.

Doares goes on to say that the pressure from friends, family, and society to stay together is hard to overcome. And when you add in all the physical and emotional separation that occurs with every breakup, a lot of people don't want to go through that pain. So they stay together with someone they know isn't right simply because it's easier.

Throwing In Good Time After Bad

"The No. 1 reason I see women stay in terrible relationships is because of return on investment—ROI," says relationship expert and life coach Kali Rogers. We don't often think of relationships in Shark Tank terms, but the idea of getting a good return on our investment of time is what keeps lots of relationships together for much too long. "Once we've put so much time, effort, love, and attention into anything—we want to see the results we believe we are entitled to," Roger says. "It's much harder to cut your losses and walk away than it is to stay and put in one more hand."

A study published in Current Psychology agrees that people are likely to keep throwing in good time after bad; participants were asked to imagine a bad relationship and decide whether they should stay or go. The longer the relationship, the more likely the participants would opt to stay.

Rogers says the same idea that keeps couples together is what keep gamblers at the poker table. Some think, I've lost a ton of money, but this next hand just might make everything right again! In relationships, we think, Yeah, those last five years were garbage, but maybe this year I can finally make it right!

It's hard to give up when you've spent years of your life on another person. And for some, it's just too hard to let that all go and start again from scratch.

The Boiling Frog Theory

Some relationships are a bit like the hypothetical frog in a pot. If the frog jumps into boiling water, it'll jump right out. But if the frog is sitting in the water and it slowly comes to a boil, the frog will sit there and happily get boiled alive while thinking, Yeah, things are definitely staying the same in here.

I may have added a bit of color to the story (also, it's not true, but does make for a nice little parable). But it's easy for us non-frogs to behave this way. "When entrenched, we're so involved fighting fire every day, it's hard to realize you're in hell," says clinical psychologist and executive coach Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, MPhil. "This is akin to the frog in boiling water concept. As the heat gets turned up, you get used to having your boundaries trampled upon and your standards eroded as your new normal."

This is especially true if low self-esteem is one of the things keeping a person in a poor relationship. "We don't believe we deserve better," says Neo. "Relationships can shine a light on our deepest insecurities, and most of us, to some extent, feel we aren't good enough and are plagued by that."

That deep-seated self-hatred can be made worse by a toxic relationship. An abusive partner can make you feel insignificant, stupid, and unloveable. Then, they'll turn around and claim that they're the only one who could possibly love you as you are. This type of gaslighting and emotional manipulation is common—and it works. When you already feel like a worthless person, it's easier to stay with someone who reminds you of how worthless you are, according to Neo.

This erosion of self-esteem and happiness doesn't happen overnight, of course. It's slow… slow enough for you to get used to bad behavior and unhappiness. So slow that you might think, Yeah, things are definitely staying the same here, as the water starts to boil.

Try to Change the Past… by Repeating It

Our past has a huge impact on our present relationships. So, if there's unresolved trauma from years ago, it's likely that trauma's going to pop up again in the present day.

Sometimes, people get in bad relationships because they don't know any better. Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., has theorized that experiencing violence as children directly correlates to experiencing violence in marriage.

"People who are exposed early to violence or neglect come to expect it as a way of life," he writes. This is true for children who witness marital violence or kids that were abused themselves. In both scenarios, love and violence are intertwined, and totally outside of the child's control. As an adult, that person still sees a connection between love and violence, and can feel completely helpless as to how to stop it.

This is true for violent and non-violent relationships. If your parents fought all the time and had a horrible marriage, you are more likely to have couple troubles yourself. Woodsfellow says that people often stay in relationships to replay a significant moment from childhood. This kind of replaying is our weird way of trying to work through trauma from the past. Sometimes, it helps us come to terms with bad things from childhood. Other times, we just repeat the same mistakes, according to Woodsfellow.

Sometimes, we repeat trauma in an attempt to "fix it." According to relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, "You seek out someone who treats you badly with the unconscious desire to win them over and get them to change their behavior toward you. You are trying to affect in your current relationship what did not not happen in your childhood." So if you can fix your boyfriend and make him love you, maybe you can fix your dad and make him love you, too, this line of thinking goes.

"The problem is that you cannot change another person, only yourself," Rogers says. Often, the more you try to change your partner, the more you get back the same obnoxious or abusive behavior that scarred you in the first place.

No matter how hard you may try, you can't make a person change. Sure, you might be able to train someone to quit leaving their socks all over the living room floor, but you can't "fix" them. But there's still hope, says Woodsfellow. "Of course, you can't force someone else to change, but I think it's sometimes a good thing to ask someone to change something," he says. "I think that kind of mutual influence is part of a healthy marriage." But if you're with someone who doesn't want to work on themselves, change, or grow, then that faraway hope that you could be the one to "save" someone can be so captivating, it makes it even harder to let that bad partner go.

That's All Depressing. Are We Doomed to Stay in Bad Relationships?

Finally, some good news: You absolutely can leave a bad relationship. It just takes a lot of courage and support. Milrad stresses the importance of a support system, friends, and family, as a way to get out of a bad situation. If you have people to help you through the tough times, it will be so much easier to leave.

Also, you have to take a look at yourself: Are you attracting the same type of bad person over and over? Are you using relationships to replay past trauma? Are you a "fixer?" Rogers says you need "an awareness of what issue you are trying to work through to stop repeating it in a similar pattern with subsequent relationships." Thankfully, with help from friends and possibly some therapy, you can isolate those scars of the past and ensure you don't keep repeating them in your future.

And it's a good idea to examine your own issues and hang-ups that may be contributing to your relationship being less-than-optimal. "In many long-term relationships, both parties contribute to the difficulties," Woodsfellow says. "Yes, sometimes you're innocent and your partner is to blame. But while that's sometimes true, it's not always true. Sometimes, it's worth trying to change a problem and change your own reactions before concluding that things are hopeless."

Overall, just remember this: You deserve happiness. You deserve love. And if you aren't getting that from your current relationship, you deserve to leave.

from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2EVRpZf Why We Stay With People Who Are Bad for Us Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://ift.tt/2H8tpD1

[foursprouthealth-blog]

Why We Stay With People Who Are Bad for Us

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/health/why-we-stay-with-people-who-are-bad-for-us/

Why We Stay With People Who Are Bad for Us

I’m grateful to know a lot of smart, capable women. Sadly, many of these smart, capable women have committed themselves to guys who are clueless, emotionally unavailable, or just plain jerks. How does this happen so often?

Of course, hetero ladies aren’t the only ones who deal with this phenomenon—this problem runs across all lines of gender and sexuality. No matter who you are or who you’re attracted to, it’s more than plausible that you’ve gotten together with someone who’s straight-up bad for you (and probably on more than one occasion).

You might also like

displayTitle READ

Why do we do this? How do lovely people wind up with such unlovely mates? I spoke with a range of psychologists and relationship experts to find out the mystery behind why we so often end up with bad partners and why it’s so hard to leave—even when we know it’s not working.

Everything’s Scary

One of the simplest reasons people stay with bad partners is this: fear. Sometimes it’s easy to think, If this doesn’t work out, maybe nothing will. So they stay with a less-than-ideal partner to avoid the possibility of loneliness.

A study from the University of Toronto found that participants with a stronger fear of being alone were more likely to settle for a crappy relationship. And although we stereotypically picture guys as commitment-phobic or marriage-averse, it turns out they’re just as scared of a never-ending single life—this study showed that the fear of being alone drove both men and women equally.

The idea of breaking up with a bad mate doesn’t just bring up the fear of being alone: You have to deal with the potentially horrible, frightening prospect of dating again. “For some, dating can even be depressing,” says licensed mental health counselor Shani Graves. “We’d rather silently suffer in a relationship that gives a sense of companionship than start all over again.”

No matter who you are, dating is hard. You have to experience weird small talk; potentially rude, unpleasant, or even creepy people; and that one guy who will go out of his way to call you ugly and awkward when you reject him (which, yeah—that’s a personal, true-life tale). So when you combine the mess of dating and the scariness of being alone, you get a whole ton of fear. And that fear keeps couples together that should have parted long ago.

It’s Easy

It’s easy to see a relationship from the outside and say, “Just leave her! She’s been trying to make it as an amateur DJ for ten years! For the love of God, just go!”

But think of it from the other side: In a long-term relationship, a breakup is tough, and not just emotionally. “There are many everyday reasons for staying—convenience, routine, stability, habit, etc,” says clinical psychologist David Woodsfellow, Ph.D. “All of these are real—and important. These should not be underestimated or downplayed.”

There’s a lot of hard work that goes into a breakup. You probably have to move out, separate your things, and become completely financially independent again. Maybe your partner used to always handle the taxes. Well, no more. Time to get your own CPA and slog through a pile of 1099s!

It’s even more complicated if you have pets. Who gets the dog? Will Puppy McRuffles have to stay weekends at your ex’s house or can you just keep him? Then there’s friends. Can you still hang out with “their” friends? Will they cut you out of their life because of the breakup? Will it be weird if your old friends still want to keep in contact with him?

Oh, and family. You probably met their family. In fact, they might be just as (maybe more) important to you as your own blood relatives. After a breakup though, that newfound family probably won’t be around to support you.

And good God, kids. If you have kids, it’s a whole new world of complication.

So you already have to split your life in two and you have the added stress of explaining your choice to everyone around you. “There is the perception that you have to justify your reasons for ending the relationship to others—friends, family—in a way that makes sense to them,” says Lesli Doares, relationship coach, author, and radio host of Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning. She feels that couples sometimes stay together partially because they don’t want to explain why they’d rather be apart.

Doares goes on to say that the pressure from friends, family, and society to stay together is hard to overcome. And when you add in all the physical and emotional separation that occurs with every breakup, a lot of people don’t want to go through that pain. So they stay together with someone they know isn’t right simply because it’s easier.

Throwing In Good Time After Bad

“The No. 1 reason I see women stay in terrible relationships is because of return on investment—ROI,” says relationship expert and life coach Kali Rogers. We don’t often think of relationships in Shark Tank terms, but the idea of getting a good return on our investment of time is what keeps lots of relationships together for much too long. “Once we’ve put so much time, effort, love, and attention into anything—we want to see the results we believe we are entitled to,” Roger says. “It’s much harder to cut your losses and walk away than it is to stay and put in one more hand.”

A study published in Current Psychology agrees that people are likely to keep throwing in good time after bad; participants were asked to imagine a bad relationship and decide whether they should stay or go. The longer the relationship, the more likely the participants would opt to stay.

Rogers says the same idea that keeps couples together is what keep gamblers at the poker table. Some think, I’ve lost a ton of money, but this next hand just might make everything right again! In relationships, we think, Yeah, those last five years were garbage, but maybe this year I can finally make it right!

It’s hard to give up when you’ve spent years of your life on another person. And for some, it’s just too hard to let that all go and start again from scratch.

The Boiling Frog Theory

Some relationships are a bit like the hypothetical frog in a pot. If the frog jumps into boiling water, it’ll jump right out. But if the frog is sitting in the water and it slowly comes to a boil, the frog will sit there and happily get boiled alive while thinking, Yeah, things are definitely staying the same in here.

I may have added a bit of color to the story (also, it’s not true, but does make for a nice little parable). But it’s easy for us non-frogs to behave this way. “When entrenched, we’re so involved fighting fire every day, it’s hard to realize you’re in hell,” says clinical psychologist and executive coach Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, MPhil. “This is akin to the frog in boiling water concept. As the heat gets turned up, you get used to having your boundaries trampled upon and your standards eroded as your new normal.”

This is especially true if low self-esteem is one of the things keeping a person in a poor relationship. “We don’t believe we deserve better,” says Neo. “Relationships can shine a light on our deepest insecurities, and most of us, to some extent, feel we aren’t good enough and are plagued by that.”

That deep-seated self-hatred can be made worse by a toxic relationship. An abusive partner can make you feel insignificant, stupid, and unloveable. Then, they’ll turn around and claim that they’re the only one who could possibly love you as you are. This type of gaslighting and emotional manipulation is common—and it works. When you already feel like a worthless person, it’s easier to stay with someone who reminds you of how worthless you are, according to Neo.

This erosion of self-esteem and happiness doesn’t happen overnight, of course. It’s slow… slow enough for you to get used to bad behavior and unhappiness. So slow that you might think, Yeah, things are definitely staying the same here, as the water starts to boil.

Try to Change the Past… by Repeating It

Our past has a huge impact on our present relationships. So, if there’s unresolved trauma from years ago, it’s likely that trauma’s going to pop up again in the present day.

Sometimes, people get in bad relationships because they don’t know any better. Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., has theorized that experiencing violence as children directly correlates to experiencing violence in marriage.

“People who are exposed early to violence or neglect come to expect it as a way of life,” he writes. This is true for children who witness marital violence or kids that were abused themselves. In both scenarios, love and violence are intertwined, and totally outside of the child’s control. As an adult, that person still sees a connection between love and violence, and can feel completely helpless as to how to stop it.

This is true for violent and non-violent relationships. If your parents fought all the time and had a horrible marriage, you are more likely to have couple troubles yourself. Woodsfellow says that people often stay in relationships to replay a significant moment from childhood. This kind of replaying is our weird way of trying to work through trauma from the past. Sometimes, it helps us come to terms with bad things from childhood. Other times, we just repeat the same mistakes, according to Woodsfellow.

Sometimes, we repeat trauma in an attempt to “fix it.” According to relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, “You seek out someone who treats you badly with the unconscious desire to win them over and get them to change their behavior toward you. You are trying to affect in your current relationship what did not not happen in your childhood.” So if you can fix your boyfriend and make him love you, maybe you can fix your dad and make him love you, too, this line of thinking goes.

“The problem is that you cannot change another person, only yourself,” Rogers says. Often, the more you try to change your partner, the more you get back the same obnoxious or abusive behavior that scarred you in the first place.

No matter how hard you may try, you can’t make a person change. Sure, you might be able to train someone to quit leaving their socks all over the living room floor, but you can’t “fix” them. But there’s still hope, says Woodsfellow. “Of course, you can’t force someone else to change, but I think it’s sometimes a good thing to ask someone to change something,” he says. “I think that kind of mutual influence is part of a healthy marriage.” But if you’re with someone who doesn’t want to work on themselves, change, or grow, then that faraway hope that you could be the one to “save” someone can be so captivating, it makes it even harder to let that bad partner go.

That’s All Depressing. Are We Doomed to Stay in Bad Relationships?

Finally, some good news: You absolutely can leave a bad relationship. It just takes a lot of courage and support. Milrad stresses the importance of a support system, friends, and family, as a way to get out of a bad situation. If you have people to help you through the tough times, it will be so much easier to leave.

Also, you have to take a look at yourself: Are you attracting the same type of bad person over and over? Are you using relationships to replay past trauma? Are you a “fixer?” Rogers says you need “an awareness of what issue you are trying to work through to stop repeating it in a similar pattern with subsequent relationships.” Thankfully, with help from friends and possibly some therapy, you can isolate those scars of the past and ensure you don’t keep repeating them in your future.

And it’s a good idea to examine your own issues and hang-ups that may be contributing to your relationship being less-than-optimal. “In many long-term relationships, both parties contribute to the difficulties,” Woodsfellow says. “Yes, sometimes you’re innocent and your partner is to blame. But while that’s sometimes true, it’s not always true. Sometimes, it’s worth trying to change a problem and change your own reactions before concluding that things are hopeless.”

Overall, just remember this: You deserve happiness. You deserve love. And if you aren’t getting that from your current relationship, you deserve to leave.

[trashogram]

Hi, anon who submitted the other POV here. Sorry to bug you again, but I was kind of confused by your reply and now I wonder if I missed something? (I'm also autistic, and sometimes I don't understand some things that might seem obvious, so if this is just a case of my ND brain not understanding i apologize) Basically what confused me was the part where you said no blog is responsible for holding anyone's hand to navigate content and it's entitled to expect them to, (For the record, you're right, no one running a blog is responsible for hand holding, just for using appropriate labels/warnings) but I don't know where I mentioned that blogs should hold other people's hands? Or said anything that might imply that? My comment was theorizing that some people might be rebloging a piece of art they really like regardless if they are in that fandom/ship with stuff like "not my ship" or "I don't go here" so they don't waste someone else's time who might be seeking out blogs who do? I wasn't suggesting for people to do that, or suggesting for anyone to do anything at all, I was just giving a possible theory for the behavior? I'm just really confused on how someone else choosing to add a tag for the possible benefit of others would make said person entitled? (Or if in the case you were talking directly to me and not using the ustedes form of "you" when you said "it’s nice in theory but if you expect that then you’re coming across real entitled" I'm double confused because I wasn't asking anyone to do anything or expecting anything? But maybe I worded it wrong and it came across that way? If I did I'm sorry.) Unless you're meaning they just shouldn't share the art then if they don't ship it? Is that where the entitlement came in? For people wanting to reblog posts of art they like but don't ship the characters? Was there something else I missed? Is "I don't ship this but-" not the same as "I don't go here?" (For the record I've never reblogged someone's art with either of these, but I've see others do it and that's what I always thought they were doing? I thought it was a short way to say "I may not be in this fandom/ship, but the art was so cool I wanted to reblog and support the artist! But I know nothing about these characters and I'm telling you now so you aren't disappointed if you were looking for other blogs also interested in this fandom/ship" I genuinely thought they were trying to be polite. Have I been wrong this whole time?)

Again, sorry for the long ask. I just read that and was really confused and sad because now I'm worried I somehow came off as a Karen but at the same time I wasn't doing/saying the stuff you said was entitled and it's all really confusing and I just wanted you to feel better.

I'm sorry.

Hey 👋 Please don’t apologize! You have nothing to be sorry for, this is all miscommunication I think and it’s my fault that you’re confused.

Your ask(s) are very courteous and I’m sorry that my response didn’t make sense! I spoke out of anger (not at you, but at what I assume is the behavior of other people online) and I probably twisted your words to suit my biases. Even if unintentional on my end, I apologize for doing so.

When I see comments like “I don’t ship this (but)” it is often on interfaces where comments are stacked up together on the screen and it’s not often on reblogs. Think Twitter, Deviantart, Pinterest, and for fics AO3. Sure, people may reblog art and in the tags say “I don’t ship this” and I may find it irritating bc I think that no matter what, that is an unnecessary thing to say, but it’s not as bad as someone commenting that on a wall of comments with no intention of sharing the art.

When someone says “I don’t ship this” on the art itself, it comes across to me as imposing their opinions on others when it isn’t wanted or valid. And if they share the art with that added comment and the comment is meant as for the benefit of other people looking for ship art, I think that is a nice thing to do — but people looking for that ship should be able to look at someone’s blog and see if the blogger supports that ship or not. They don’t need a comment to tell them directly “hey I don’t like this pairing, just fyi”. If shippers expect someone to preface a reblog with “hey this isn’t my thing just so you know, and I only reblogged it bc the art itself is cool” then that is entitled on the part of shippers.

I can decide for myself if I want to follow someone based on the content of their blog. I just have to look. It is up to me to make the decision to follow someone for whatever reason — it is not up to the blogger to make sure I know what I’m getting into.

Again, you, Anon, didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t worry. Your ask was perfectly fine and I appreciate that you offered a different perspective. It can be very difficult to talk to people online because communication via text may not get the message across very well, and I think that was the issue with my response to your ask.