#it’s like when you see a van gogh painting and then decide you want to start painting

[anticurses]

rhaenicent + reductress headlines (insp.)

also bonus me making these<3

[i-cant-sing]

I can’t get this scenario out of my head with yan!batfamily in which Bruce worms his way into a depressed reader’s life by marrying their mother and slowly taking over the role of parenting reader while dealing with the depression.

No because Bruce would do that. In his head, its just another mission to "save Y/n" and sure, your mother isn't exactly his type, and your depression isn't exactly her fault- the poor woman just works day and night for you both to survive in this outrageous economy, she doesn't have had enough time to see you not doing so well mentally.

Bruce and his sons, by whatever sequence of events, are now infatuated with you. What started as concern for your well being has now turned into obsessive need to control your life to make it better. So, yeah... Bruce decides to marry your mom, who is more than happy to finally find a chivalrous, handsome man... who just happens to also be very rich.

Meanwhile, you hate him. It's stupid, but you hate how filthy rich he is and even though you know that he donates a lot to charities, you still hate him because Bruce thinks money can solve everything (and in your case, it almost can), but you can't help but feel insulted everytime he offers you a cheque, a wad of cash to pay off your bills and loans, or even a $20 bill to get yourself some snacks. It feels... abnormal. You're not a charity case.

Perhaps your socioeconomic status isn't the only reason you're depressed. Maybe it's just you missing your father (could be dead/murdered/suicide/just moved far far away).

The moment Bruce finds out that your dad is the reason why you're so depressed, oh it's "I WILL FATHER ANOTHER CHILD IN NEED OF PROFESSIONAL HELP" time. He's doubling down on his paternal instincts and he's just mentally smacking himself like "ofc you need a father figure in your life. Who better than me????"

And it just makes your skin crawl at how nonchalant Bruce is about all this- about incorporating himself into your and your mother's life. Treating you both, especially you like you're actually related. Like he's been around with you two his entire life. You lose your appetite when he stays for dinner, but you sit at the table for your mother. You try to make excuses when your mother tells you that you have to go with her at the Wayne Manor because "Bruce wants to spend a day with family". You can't help but look at your mother in wonder at how she is comfortable when you both pull up at the manor. You thought things would be easier if Bruce's sons were also uncomfortable or even hated you and your mother (or thought that your mom was a gold digger), but no, they're just as worse as Bruce. Dick being particularly the worst in the sense that he's more affectionate and his love language is physical touch, so you get squished to his chest everytime he sees you, with a small cry "my baby!" Sometimes, "sis" would be added.

You didn't like either nickname.

Then there's Jason, who is the most normal one of them all, perhaps because he isn't around much and when he is, he just makes small talk.

Tim doesn't talk much either, but he stares a lot. Somehow you feel like he knows something about you, at least more than he's letting on.

And lastly, there's Damian, that pompous little shit. You know he's being amicable for Bruce, but his eyes look at you like he's judging you- thinks you're beneath him. Which is true, in the sense of finance. Despite all of that, Damian still wants to show you off his interests/things around the manor. He's still being arrogant ofc, "Look at this oil painting- it's a Van Gogh original. Van Gogh is a famous painter- he's dead though. I'm sure you aren't familiar with his works. I can take you to the Gotham gallery to show you more paintings. Father owns it, so it can be just us two without other people bothering us." He's nice but also not nice. But at least he's not doing it intentionally.

Then there's Bruce. Who is always looking at you with a small smile, but his eyes are always analysing you, even when he's not looking at you directly, you know that he's watching your every move like a hawk. He tries spending time with you, often he succeeds, only because your mother makes you go. He's a good man, hasn't done anything exactly inappropriate, but... even something as small as making you walk on the inner side of the sidewalk so that you're safe from the cars... it doesn't sit right with you. Why is he being so paternal? You certainly have been rude to him on purpose. Always giving him one word answers when he asks you how your day was.

Then one day your mother returns home with a beaming smile.

"Bruce proposed to me! We're getting married!"

After only 3 months of dating? It's what you wanted to say, but you held it back when you saw how happy she was.

The next day, Bruce held a dinner at the manor to celebrate the engagement. Surprisingly, that was the first time you saw Damian looking mad at you and your mom.

It was a reasonable reaction. Acceptable to you, instead of the overly excited yell of Dick "WE'RE GOING TO BE SIBLINGS! That means we can have slumber parties and pillow fights and-"

Your mother and Bruce were shopping for the wedding, looking at dresses and venues and all the shenanigans while you were at the manor, moving your and your mom's stuff in with the boys. It was the last thing you wanted, but your mother.... she insisted on it. Or at least that's what she says, you know Bruce insisted.

Doesn't matter because by next year, you'd be moving away to college anyways.

You just need to put up with this for a little longer and see your mother finally be happy.

You didn't expect your mother to be dead a week before the wedding.

It was out of the blue. You were sitting in the library at the manor because Dick refused to let you be alone in your room all the time, so he was making you some cookies while you read. Then he and Bruce came together, their faces pale as they looked at you.

"Y/n... your mother, she... she got in an accident."

She was driving to some restaurant, wanted to get you your favourite fried chicken and spend some time with you alone. But on her way, a truck crashed right into her car.

She died on the spot.

Whatever little improvement you had on your mental health went straight down the drain. You locked yourself in your room and just cried quietly. They left you alone the first few days, but then Bruce and Dick tried to persuade you to come out, that they were concerned for you. You did come out the day the funeral was held. And it hurt you... it hurt you so deeply when you found out they were burying her at the Wayne cemetery.

She wasn't a fucking Wayne.

If you had any strength, if you had any energy at all, you would've taken your mother and buried her someplace else.

But you didn't.

When you returned inside the manor, you went straight to your mother's room, which was also Bruce's room but you didn't care if he saw you in there or not. You just started packing all of your mother's stuff, her clothes, her jewellery, her photos, everything she came here with, which wasn't much to begin with but still.

"Y/n?" You stiffened when Bruce called you, but you didn't pause on packing. "What are you doing? Looking for something?"

You sighed. Might as well get this over with.

You turnd around, not looking him in the eye.

"I'm moving out. And I'm taking mom's stuff with me. You can check, I'm not stealing anything that belongs to you."

Bruce looked at you in confusion. "Moving out? Where are you going?"

"College. I'll be going there soon anyways, so I'm moving to an apartment with some friends."

"Oh, but you don't need to move out. You can stay with us. Youre family-" you cut him off.

"Bruce, let's not." You finally look at him. "We're not family. I never was, I never wanted to be. Mom's gone now, and I have no reason or desire to be here. Thank you for letting me stay here for as long as you have, but I will be moving out by tomorrow, if not tonight." You said picking up your mother's bag of stuff and walking out of the room. Bruce followed you to your room.

"But I don't want you to move-"

You dropped the bags. "I don't care what you want!"

Bruce looked at you with his brows furrowed. He didn't get why you were acting like this. Your yelling had gotten the attention of the boys too, all looking in confusion at the bags.

"I don't want to be a part of this family. I never have, and I never will. I never liked you or anyone in this family. And if you're concerned about me speaking to the media about you guys, don't worry. If it helps you, you can make me sign an NDA!"

Damian narrowed his eyes at you. "Dont talk to father like-"

"Shut up!" You yelled harshly. You didn't care who you were hurting. Your mother was gone, you had no reason to be amicable to them anymore.

-

They left you alone that day, and by the next morning, you were ready to leave. At 6 am, you walked down to the main door, with your bags. You weren't expecting them all to be waiting for you, but here they were. You took a step towards the door, but Dick stopped you.

He cleared his throat. "Um, this is the NDA... if you'd just sign it here." He handed you the papers.

Unbelievable. They actually drew up a contract. You took the pen from his hand and signed at the dotted lines.

"Bye." You took another step, except Damian and Tim blocked your path.

"What now?"

"Where are you going?" Tim asked.

"Do we have to go over this again?" You grumbled. "College." You answered.

"You can't." Damian said smugly. What's he smirking for?

"You're gonna break my legs?" You scoffed.

"No, you just signed a document saying that you're a part of this family, and Bruce Wayne is your guardian and has authority over all decisions concerning you like going to college, or even... going out of the house." Damian replied.

You looked at Bruce, because there's no way Damian is being serious. But there were no signs of joking. You looked at Dick, at Jason-

They were all dead serious.

"You cant- you can't be- you can't keep me here." You said.

"You signed the documents. It's your fault for not reading them." Tim said.

"Bruce-"

"I really do believe that it'd be better for you to stay here." Bruce said, taking ahold of your shoulders. "At least until you're doing better mentally."

"I'm fine-"

"I don't think so. And I could even take you to a psychiatrist, they'd agree with me." Bruce cupped your cheek as you flinched away. "You'd be happy here. I promise you that, you'll be safe and happy with us."

You'd try fighting, but you already knew you were outnumbered.

Besides, even if you weren't, even if you were alone with the smallest one of them, you still wouldn't be able to leave. You have no idea what Damian is capable of.

After all, he's the one who had your mother killed.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || You're Being Bullied

PAIRING: Skz X GN!Reader (Use of Mx in Jisung’s piece: Mx is an English-language neologistic honorific that does not indicate gender)

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - March 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN:

It had been happening for a few weeks now, whenever you were in the gardens of your University a group of four guys would regularly mock you and it was something that was ruining your love for painting. 

"I was thinking I could bring you some lunch today, I can't stand the thought of you spending all your lunch hour painting in the gardens," Chan mentioned as he walked with you, his hand laced with yours but your heart began to thump with anxiety. You hadn't told him about the bullying yet, you didn't want it to seem as though it was bothering you even if it was.

"What's wrong?" He questioned, already being able to read you like a book. But your eyes were distant and your smile was strained at best and he knew something was bothering you.

"Channie," You breathed out, tears shimmering in your eyes as you finally revealed the torment you faced nearly every single day by the same group of people. Chan's heart shattered into a thousand pieces as he listened to you and he was going to kill anyone that had upset you.

"Who is it?"

"It's not a big deal, I-I'll just go back to painting from the window." You pleaded with him, not wanting to confront anyone about what they had been saying about you but Chan wasn't going to just let it go. 

"It is a big deal," He breathed out, about to continue what he was saying when he heard laughter sounding from behind the two of you.

"I bet they think they'll be the next Vincent Van Gogh." The voice was nailed on a chalkboard for you and your whole body tensed up giving Chan all the confirmation he needed to know it was that group that was always starting on you. 

Within seconds he was turning around to face them, his face red with anger, his eyes blazing as he stared at them,

"You have no right to mock their passion, to belittle their dreams! They are more courageous and talented than any of you could ever hope to be!" Your hands clutched onto Chan's arm, your heart thumping heavily.

Chan continued to yell at them and you stared up at him, each of his words filling you with more confidence than ever as you whimpered a little, he was like your knight in shining armour. 

"Go, paint baby, I'm not done yet." Chan pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and you walked away, going to sit in the gardens and do some painting. From that day on, Chan was by your side every lunch you went down to the gardens just in case someone else had something to say.

MINHO:

Minho had decided that he was going to surprise you today with a small bouquet of all your favourite flowers, all morning long he had envisioned the look of surprise and joy on your face when he would see you. He'd finished up work earlier than he expected and wanted to surprise you as you came out of uni and he was heading to the spot he usually met you. 

But his steps slowed down, his heart sinking as he heard harsh voices echoing around you as you stood there accepting their words. Fury built up inside of him the more he heard them speaking so badly about you.

"HEY! Enough!" He boomed as he walked toward you, the three men who had been surrounding you all paled at the sight of Minho as he wrapped his arm around you.

"Minho? They're with you?"

"Yeah, they're with me. What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" He yelled at them, his tone firm and unwavering as they began to stutter and stumble over their words. Minho turned to look down at you, his gaze softening,

"Hey, sweetheart." He said gently, reaching out and kissing the top of your head.

"Have they been bothering you for a while?" You stared at him before looking at the three men who had been tormenting you for weeks on end and you nodded and by now they looked terrified.

"We didn't know they were with you!" One of them quivered as he stared at you, pleading with you to say something but you stared at Minho. He was the "it" boy in college, the one everybody loved and looked up to and no one messed with him.

"And that gives you an excuse to belittle someone? To make them feel smaller than you? Why? Because you have nothing else in that pea-sized brain of yours?!" By now Minho was beyond angry but you squeezed his hand a little, you were grateful for what he was doing but all you wanted was to go back home with him.

"You're lucky they're here," Minho hisses before wrapping his arm around you and taking you toward his car,

"Thank you," You whispered, your voice barely above a murmur. Minho smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. 

"Always," He smiled warmly, kissing you softly this time.

CHANGBIN:

Changbin had his arms wrapped around you as you sat together on a bench in the University's garden, sharing a tender moment together for the first time in what felt like forever. You'd barely had enough time to breathe during your finals but now the two of you had time for another.

"I love spending time with you, everything feels perfect when we're together," You beamed up at him as he held your hands.

"Me too, Yn. You make everything brighter," He admits, your smile growing wider as you stared up at him, getting completely lost in his eyes when there were suddenly harsh whispers and mocking laughter surrounding you. Your smile faded,

"Look at her, they think they're so pretty." Someone mocked, making your heart drop, you already knew who they were but you'd hoped that they'd leave you alone if they saw you with Changbin.

"Yeah, like anyone would ever look at them twice." The second man cackled as if it was the funniest thing in the world for them. Changbin's eyes darken, his fists clenching as he listened to the cruel words directed at you.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" He yelled, his voice trembling with anger but you shook your head, trying to hide your hurt.

"It's okay. Let's just go," You whispered, you didn't want to cause more drama, you just wanted to enjoy your time with Changbin.

"No, it's not okay. They have no right to talk to you like that!" He was angry with them for talking to you that way and even more pissed off that they had bullied you into believing it was okay. There was no way he was going to let this slide.

"Oh, look who's standing up for his partner. How cute." One of them mocked, your stomach twisting as Changbin turned around to stare at them, quickly rising from where he had been sitting and walking in their direction.

"They're not just my partner. They're an amazing person and you have no right to tear them down." The two men seemed to realise they fucked up as they stared at him, your hands clutched onto Changbin's arm trying to get him to leave.

"We were just joking, man, can't they take a joke?" The first one grumbled at him but Changbin blinked at him,

"Jokes are supposed to be funny, do we look like we're laughing to you?" He waited for them to say something but you pulled at his arm,

"Binnie, let's just go...please."

"No, we're not leaving until they apologise." He folded his arms across his chest, the two men scoffed at you both and rolled their eyes.

"Fine. Whatever. We'll leave them alone." One of them grumbled, about to walk away but Changbin grabbed him by the hood of his jacket.

"Apologise." He growled out, and the man's voice trembled as he turned to face you, both of them apologising instantly and scampering off.

"Are you okay?" Changbin asked, his voice turning gentle as he checked on you.

"I will be, thank you for standing up for me." You sniffled a little and he wraps his arms around you. holding you close to him.

HYUNJIN:

"I bought snacks for our movie night, I also made sure to stock up on your favourite hot drink," You told Hyunjin excitedly as you practically bounced up and down in the hallway. The two of you were going to spend all weekend curled up in bed watching movies, finals were over and it was time to relax. 

"Of course, they got the snacks, I bet they're mostly all for them," Someone snickered from behind you, catching the attention of Hyunjin who frowned a little. You beamed at him, trying to get him to ignore the two girls who had been starting on you all week long, you had no idea who they were but they'd decided you were a problem for them.

"It's going to be amazing," You told him as you took his arm in yours, about to pull him away when you heard giggling.

"They think they're all that," One of the girls mocked, snickering at the other girl who was staring at you both.

"Why would he want to be with someone like that anyway? He could have whoever he wanted and he's chosen the trash," Hyunjin's eyes narrowed as he stared at the two girls.

"Is there a problem, ladies?" He arched his brow at you and you took your head, trying to brush this off.

"It's nothing, just ignore them. It's not worth it."

"No, I won't let them talk about you like that." He grumbled,

"Prince Charming to the rescue," A boy stated as he wrapped his arm around the first girl, your stomach knotting as you stared at the three people who had made your life hell all week.

"We're just stating the obvious, you could have anyone and you're with that thing?" The words were like knives to your chest and you shuddered, looking down at the floor. As soon as Hyunjin saw your head down he lost his cool/

"Yn is an incredible person and deserves to be treated with respect! How would you like it, if someone picked apart your relationship?!" His voice was loud, gaining the attention of other people in the hall.

"We're just messing around, dude. Can't they take a joke?" The guy mumbled defensively, 

"Hyunjin. Let's go." You whispered to him but he didn't move, he just stared at them.

"I love Yn, and anything you have to say to them can be said to me." The two girls stared at you, biting their lips as they looked sheepishly.

"We're sorry." They mumbled, you knew they didn't mean it but right now all you wanted to do was go home.

"Okay." You mumbled grabbing Hyunjin's hand and walking away from it all. 

"I have two weeks left, I could have just ignored them forever."

"I don't care, you don't deserve to be treated that way," Hyunjin whispered as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you crashing into his chest.

"You never have to face anything alone." He promised you.

JISUNG:

Jisung walked through the corridors trying to make his way to the courtyard to find you, he'd just picked you both up some lunch and was ready for a long break filled with nothing but food and cuddles with you but when he walked closer he froze in place.

"Look who it is, Little Mx perfect." Someone sneered, his eyes narrowed as he saw Tessa and Lucy - two girls he had once considered friends mocking you.

"Yeah, always with their nose in a book, like they're better than everyone else." Jisung's hands tightened on the food containers as he saw the distressed look on your face. 

"What's going on?" Jisung asked, his voice filled with anger as he stared at you, he could already see how relieved you were to see him.

"Jisung, I.." You were trying to come up with an excuse, something you could say that wouldn't make him hate them since they were his friends.

"We were practising lines for a play," Tessa told him with a sweet smile, her body swaying from side to side to appear more innocent.

"Funny. I thought I heard you mocking Yn for reading their book," He placed the food containers down beside you and kissed the top of your head.

"No-"

"Is it because the two of you can barely read above a 5th-grade level between you that bothers you? Or that Yn is my partner?" He folded his arms across his chest and your mouth fell open hearing them talk to them the way that they had with you.

"Jisung!" Tessa squealed but he shook his head at them, he wasn't going to let this go on.

"How long has this been going on?" Jisung directed his question at you and you bit your lip.

"Since we got together," You admitted shyly and he hummed,

"If you can't treat my partner with respect I don't see why I should offer you respect back."

"You've known us longer!" Lucy screamed but Jisung shrugged his shoulders.

"Treat people the way you wish to be treated," He mumbled, taking your hand in his and picking up the food with the other before walking away. Checking on you as you both went to find another spot to sit in.

FELIX:

As soon as Felix had gotten the but dial from your phone he was working his way to you, his anger bubbling up more and more as he thought back to what he'd overheard. Two girls were confronting you about something, their voices dripping with malice.

"I think you should pour your drink on them, anything would be an improvement from that outfit." One of them giggled, Felix knew them as Bailey and Chloe, the university's "mean girls" because apparently it didn't end after high school.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know you guys sat here." Your voice shook as you gathered up all your books, trying to move past them but Chloe pushed you back onto the seat.

"Are they addressing us?" She asked snarkily to Bailey who was giggling and undoing the lid to her coffee.

"Ew. Why do you think you could even speak to us?" Bailey asked, your head shaking as you tried to think of something to say.

"What's going on?" Felix asked as he jogged up to all three of you, your body relaxed as soon as you saw him.

"Why don't you go and mind your own business? This doesn't concern you." Bailey hissed at him, Felix ignored them as he pushed past them and checked on you.

"It does when you're harassing my partner." He grumbled at them,

"You're together?" Bailey's voice shook his time as she and Chloe stared at each other in complete shock.

"Did they hurt you?" Felix asked, ignoring them as he pressed a kiss to your cheek.

"We didn't know they were with you." Chloe defended but Felix scoffed at them.

"It shouldn't matter if they were or not! You should treat everyone with some fucking respect!" He grumbled at them, a tense silence washed over everyone as he stared at them, waiting for them to apologise to you but they just blinked at you both.

"Are you going to say sorry or not?" He bit out before they both stared at you,

"We're sorry, Yn. Truly. We didn't know." Bailey stuttered but you bit down on your tongue, Felix was right it shouldn't matter if you were a couple or not for them to start on you.

"Go." He mumbled to them before turning his full attention to you, checking on you as tears ran down your cheeks.

"Thanks for standing up for me, Lix." You breathed out before he pulled you into a comforting embrace.

SEUNGMIN:

Seungmin lingered outside of your last class of the day, the two of you had plans to study after your classes had finished before going to dinner in the night.

"Did you see what Yn was wearing today? They look like they've raided a thrift store." Someone snickered as they left the class,

"Yeah, did you see the state of the shoes too? They're a complete disaster," The two men were so lost in their own conversation that they didn't notice Seungmin grabbing them both by their hoods.

"What did you say?"

"Seungmin! Don't!" You pleaded with him, this was going to be more hassle than it was worth. The two boneheads he was confronting didn't care who you were or who Seungmin was and they would go back to bullying you tomorrow.

"They do this a lot?" Seungmin arched his brow at you and you nodded shyly, 

"So knucklehead one and two, want to tell me what about my partner is so funny to bully?" He slammed them against a wall, both of them groaning as they rubbed their shoulders from the impact.

"Relax man, we're just kidding around, right Yn?" They stared at you, both of them glaring as they tried to scare you into submission,

"R-Right-"

"Bullshit, I've seen the way they come out of the classes they share with you," Seungmin was beyond angry at this point, he knew something had been bothering you but he'd never been able to pinpoint it until now.

"I want you to apologise."

"Sorry." They both mumbled, completely unapologetic as you stared at them,

"Fucking mean it, you waste of space!" Seungmin mumbled to them, both of them stuttering as they began to apologise.

"I find out either of you have been talking about them again I'll rip your tongues out," Seungmin whispered in the sweetest voice he could manage before taking your arm around his and walking with you.

"Screw studying let's grab food and go to mine." He told you as you giggled, kissing his cheek softly.

"My knight in shining armour." You whispered.

JEONGIN:

Jeongin made his way back to the library with two hot drinks for you both, he'd decided it was time for a short break and a reward for studying together so hard but when he came back he froze in place.

"Who would even want to hang out with them? Such a nerd." Someone laughed from the table directly in front of yours, he knew the men as Levi and Christian and he instantly wanted to pour the drinks he was holding onto them. They got into the University because they were good and sports and not much else, never studied a day in their lives either.

"Nose buried in their books, they think they're better than everyone else around them," Levi hissed out, Jeongin's heart pounding with fury as he made his way over to stand behind the two losers talking badly about you. But the worst part was that you weren't looking up, as if you were used to the torment they were dishing out. 

"They're too chicken to say anything too," Christian laughed, balling up some paper and throwing it at your head. You glanced up, your eyes widening as you saw your boyfriend standing behind them.

"Awh, is the little baby going to go cry to their boyfriend?" Levi asked before Jeongin placed his hands on both their shoulders, the drink resting on a shelf nearby.

"J-Jeongin?" Levi sputtered out, staring up at him as Jeongin stared down at him.

"Something to say, Levi?" He waited for them to repeat what they had been saying but they shook their heads violently.

"Stange, I could have sworn you were belittling my partner because they have brains." By now the two men were terrified and shaking their heads more, turning to look at you for help but you were laughing into your hands.

"N-No, we were just kidding around, having some fun," Christian mumbled but Jeongin hummed,

"Making fun of someone isn't fun, besides. I'm surprised you two have the intelligence to bully someone, let alone know where the library is." He picked up his drinks again and the two men began apologising profusely in your direction.

"Something funny?" Jeongin chuckled as he sat down beside you, your lips finding his as you kissed him deeply. 

"Just how scared they are of you." You smirked, kissing him softly once again.

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[kyoshitargaryen]

what do you need to know about your shifting journey? ✦ pick a card reading

how pick-a-cards work — look at the images above, which correspond to the different piles, and choose the one that feels right for you using your intuition! these are very long and detailed!!

pile one — signs include; van gogh's skull of a skeleton with burning cigarette, eagles, gryphons, valkyries, white painted nails, french tip nails, elf ears, saris, greek updos, garnets and other red gems, barn owls, the guardians of ga'hoole series or movie, goldfish, the house from courage the cowardly dog, houses on hills, pacha's house from emperor's new groove, EKGs and heart monitors, farmer's markets, bouquets, vacation, bikinis, the colour orange, thanksgiving, fall, pumpkins, or squash, angel number 666

hey, pile one! your pile is very interesting, because you got not one but two versions of The Lovers! the tarot deck I'm using came with an alternate card, and I decided to keep both in the deck.

you may be feeling very impatient, resentful, or otherwise frustrated over your shifting journey right now. I want to take a moment to validate those feelings for you. you may be feeling doubt in either yourself or shifting as a whole. the best thing for you to do is remember all of the things you believe in, that you have not or cannot physically see, experience, or feel. do you believe in a higher power? ghosts? do you believe in the validity of science despite not being able to do the experiments yourself? approach shifting in that way — it's a fact of life even if you have not personally experienced it yet.

you're likely needing to reassess your shifting approach. it's funny, I'm playing music to give you some channelled songs at the end of your reading, and as I wrote that sentence, surrender by natalie taylor began.

Whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready Can we, can we surrender?

that's how you have to reassess shifting — you need to learn how to let go, not just of expectation, but to let go of attempting and accepting the fact that you're already in your DR. you might find my post about accidentally grounding yourself to this reality by trying too hard, which you can read here.

in your past, you've experienced a great deal of pain and/or betrayal, possibly by someone you put a lot of love and trust into, or perhaps you feel betrayed by the universe itself. it's time to heal from this rather than holding onto it. I'm reminded of a time that my friend re-read her diary entries from a very traumatic time in order to re-traumatize herself and dwell on her hurt feelings — you might be prone to doing the same. rehashing the same pain, or reanalyzing the same traumatic scenario to find more things to blame yourself for or be angry about isn't how you heal and move on from an experience. instead, try identifying triggers and gain the strength to set boundaries surrounding them.

don't let the trauma from past relationships hold you back from giving or receiving love. by merit of being alive, you deserve love and compassion. you've experienced poor treatment, now make note of the things you cannot and will not accept anymore. anyone who cannot meet or accept that aren't worth your time.

the most important person to love in this world is yourself. even when you are being undervalued and unappreciated, you must find joy and love in yourself. it may seem impossible, but you can even trick yourself into loving yourself. I know because I did it.

have you ever done something ironically — said a phrase or made fun of a silly song or action with your friends, only to be horrified when it manages to become a genuine part of your personality and routine? your brain can't differentiate when you're doing something ironically versus legitimately, it's why so many actors experience emotional trauma while filming — their brain and body only know they're doing the thing, so it must be intentional.

whenever you have a negative thought about yourself or about shifting, I want you to actively combat that with a positive one. I'm so ugly turns into I'm so gorgeous, and over time your brain will realign with this way of thinking. best part? it's actually a way to manifest!

the 6 of swords to me is the reality shifting card, so when it shows up in reverse like it does in your pile, it means there's something keeping you from shifting. it's you.

remember, you cannot swim with stones in your pocket. you must release — as in, heal from — your "baggage" in order to shift. the pain and doubt you're experiencing is anchoring you to your current reality, your current state of mind. free yourself, because only you have the power to do so, even in as small of an action as asking for help.

you may be worried about getting into a situation where someone uses you or lies to you again. don't worry about that. the people that would do that to you aren't worth keeping around. whenever someone does something you can't get past, it's spirit way of saying "this person is not for you or in your best interest." let it's not u it's me by bea miller and 6lack be your new personal anthem.

two of the oracle cards you got were reframe and receive, which just confirms what I've already said. in order to receive your manifestations and your desired reality, you've got to release all that holds you back. when you do, you'll get what you desire.

focus on yourself rather than the actions of others. have you ever heard of the "let them" theory? essentially, you let people do what they want to do, you don't control them. if someone wants to fuck up, do something stupid or mean, that's their prerogative. sometimes the only way people can learn is through experiencing things themself. let them burn their hand on the stove, they'll know better than to touch it next time. and if their actions impact you negatively, set a boundary and hold up to it.

finally, determination and hard work makes things happen. it's not going to be easy to reframe your mind, to let go of the need to control others (as seen as excessively worrying about the potential actions of others), but once you do, you'll be shocked at the joy you have in life and the abundance that comes your way.

and guess what, u-rite by they started playing as I'm writing this. something tells me this was the wake-up call you needed. (seriously, listen to this song if you listen to nothing else. it's actually hilarious that it came up now.)

songs — traitor by olivia rodrigo; surrender by natalie taylor; american wedding by djocean; heal by tom odell; less and less by matt maltese; it's not u it's me by bea miller and 6lack; u-rite by they

pile two — signs include; ladybugs, basil, tarot, candle magic, india, specifically indian wedding traditions and outfits, saturn, multiple signs / synchronicities, mirror magic, mirror scrying, obsidian scrying, dandelions, dragonflies, waterlilies, tigerlily, heart pillows, pollen, stardust, stonehenge, satyrs, monarch butterflies, feeling watched, centaurs, does or fawns, brown bears, grey wolves, the fires in california, orange skies, red and blue dichotomy (your favourite ships may be separated into reds and blues or fire and water), bathing in springs, hot springs, horses and horseriding, ares, jockeys, aragog from harry potter, the chamber of secrets, death eater masks, the forbidden forest in harry potter, large spiders or spiders in general, being thirsty, rootbeer

you may be guarding yourself as a form of self-protection — you can't get hurt if you don't let anything in, right? but this is only hurting you in the long run. you cannot live if you are hiding yourself away. people and life itself may hurt you, but all will be well if you take care of yourself.

putting up excessive walls may feel like safety, but in actuality it's another form of self-harm in my opinion. how can you ever experience the good in life if you block yourself from receiving it? you might be seeing shifting as a way to experience such things like love or friendships without having to compromise your internal Jericho, but the truth is, life in DRs is just as real and complicated and messy as it is in this reality, so you'll feel tempted to build those same walls up in any reality you go to if you don't heal past the thought of needing them.

you are not powerless in this — you have the ability to free yourself. you don't need walls, you need standards.

you may be the type of person who's constantly inspired into making new DRs, or coming up with new things to do in them, having new scenarios with your comfort characters. in truth, this is doing more harm than good at this point. one of the oracle cards you got tells me that you're spending too much time thinking of living in your DR rather than actually trying to experience it. your eagerness to explore is cute and endearing, but ultimately it's making your brain and your emotional-quota turn to mush before you even get there! life is meant to surprise you, so don't ruin the experience by trying to foresee every little thing. that includes constantly checking in with tarot readings or other divination practices. it's definitely tempting — borderline addicting — to get channelled messages, letters, and readings from people in your DR, but if you're constantly focusing on getting something in THIS reality, how can you shift to another one? don't let the instant gratification of divination distract you from your ultimate goal of shifting. you can still feel that deep emotional bond to your DR, the people in it, your s/os without having to hear from them in this reality. lean into the bond to get to your DR. let your excitement to see them outweigh your excitement to hear from them.

overusing and overfocusing on divination is causing a lot of conflict in you, or you may be having conflict in general. I've already spoken about how confusing shifting to interact with your DR loved ones versus using divination to can negatively impact your journey, so let's focus more on general conflict surrounding shifting.

you may be the type of person who feels the need to heavily defend shifting from anti-shifters, or your own personal beliefs from others. you might feel especially demotivated when someone disagrees with you or feel viscerally angry when someone says something outlandish. you'd benefit from reading my post about the "let them" theory here. you've got to learn to brush off the things that don't matter. someone not believing you, or in shifting? let them. it doesn't matter because YOU know the truth. YOU've seen the light. let them miss out on all the fun. don't sweat off your back trying to convince someone who doesn't want to be helped. if you're anything like me, you might be very competitive (hello my fellow Aries placements!). instead of bringing conflict into your life by arguing, choose to channel that passion and energy into (internally) proving them wrong. you don't need to share your experiences or your success to win over someone. sometimes the best and most fulfilling moves are made in silence. pick your fights wisely.

now that we've talked about focusing on your DR, let's talk about how. you've come a long way in life and in your journey. you're likely a much better person than you were before you learned about shifting. your life may look entirely different than it did previously. take a moment to feel gratitude for all that's happened and how far you've come. even the smallest wins are still wins. minishifted? that's still a shift! appreciate what you have and more will naturally come in. if you focus on how or what you lack, you'll only be bringing that in. instead, think of all the good shifting has done for you, all the good you'll experience in your DRs, all the love you feel for the people there and all the love they feel for you. you've earned the right to be proud of yourself, now feel it.

your pile is the only one to have a tarot card come out in indecision (neither upright nor reverse). interestingly, it's the world card, or "the tribe" in my deck. you've found your people, your soul family, the people you were destined to love and be loved by. even when you feel worlds (or realities) apart, the energy created by your love and connection remains. love transcends reality and dimension. in shifting, and in the places you're going, you've found home.

you're probably the type of person who often dreams of or receives signs from your DRs. fantasy by bazzi started playing as I'm writing this. you might benefit from using dreams to shift. here are a few dream methods I like to use;

affirm that when you dream of your DR or people from it, it's because you are dreaming within that DR

make a portal with the intention that it will take you to your dr. I like to use Dr. Strange's hand movements to open the portal or to use my finger to draw it in the air

use a mirror as a portal; you can summon one or use one already in the environment

force yourself to wake up with the intention that you'll wake up in your DR

intend for there to be an object — a button that will take you to your DR when you press it, a door, a portal, a mirror, etc — behind you. I find that this method works best for those who struggle to summon things in dreams otherwise

use accio! this is by far my most-used method. I use accio to summon anything, even people from my DR. I use it to summon wands to cast magic or apparate to my DR, to summon buttons that shift me when I press them, etc

use the LIFA app on your phone — LIFA might be more of a 2020 shiftok thing than shiftblr, but the concept of it especially in dreams is fun to play with. I've personally shifted using this method; I load up the LIFA app on my phone or intend for the phone to already be open on my phone, and then select the icon corresponding to the DR I want to shift to

dig your toes into the floor of the dream like it were sand and let yourself sink below it. you'll fall into the void state and be able to shift

your dreams may also be telling you how you can shift. pay attention to reoccurring themes. for me, I often have a certain persistent physical event happening that tells me what I need to do in order to shift — for example, I uncontrollably leak water from my arms, legs, and fingertips when I need to focus on gratitude in order to shift. other times, I feel energy physically exiting me as though I were a vending machine popping out sodas. that means I need to close my eyes, stay still, and tune out the dream around me, focusing solely on my DR.

you can even "interview" your subconscious or your spirit guides by summoning them in the ways I listed above. it's a good way to check in with yourself, though I must warn you, sometimes there answers aren't clear. I've found my guides often want me to discover things on my own rather than having the answers handed to me.

you might benefit from starting a dream journal, or combing through an existing one in order to find any patterns. when you wake, take the time to distance yourself from the experience and view them objectively, as if you were an observer studying them. your dreams especially surrounding the full moon may be especially prophetic or symbolic.

dreams are another form of higher consciousness. it's a way of exploring different realities and dimensions and even time itself while your physical body recharges and heals itself. remember that you are most connected to every single version of you, as well as every reality you desire, when you dream. dreams are a way of exploring consciousness freely, perhaps even meant to hint to us about deeper forms of higher consciousness like shifting and astral projection.

have compassion for yourself and for others. balance is key — do not become so self absorbed that you forget that others have wants and feelings just as you do, but also do not forget yourself by letting others walk all over you. start thinking about how we — souls — are all connected, similar at our core. we are meant to support, not divide. we are the universe experiencing itself.

if you find that you can't summon things in dreams, take a moment before you go to sleep and intend on what you want to happen — what question do you want your dream to answer? what event do you want to happen. eventually, the desired dream will come if not immediately.

you may be drawn to opulence and luxury in your desired realities, but remember that wealth is not the key to happiness, only to a markedly easier life. but an easy life is nothing without happiness. for example, marrying for money might sound fun and bring security long term, but could you ever be truly happy with someone you're not attracted to or someone who doesn't meet your emotional or sexual standards? find joy at every level in life, don't just focus on making up for the material things you lack in this life.

believe it or not, you're actually a very lucky and prosperous person — it's just a matter of letting all of those good things in, not trapping yourself. you won't be warm without the sun.

moon song by pheobe bridgers started playing. when pheobe sings "so I will wait for the next time you want me / like a dog with a bird at your door" that's the universe and your highest self and your spirit guides waiting for you to let the gifts and happiness in. they can't come in if you've got the door locked.

songs — the hills by the weeknd; so low by spookyghostboy; ultraviolence by lana del rey; act 3: the reason by dennis lloyd; paint the town red by doja cat; runnin' down a dream by tom petty; new magic wand by tyler, the creator; band4band by central cee and lil baby; beautiful by bazzi and camilla cabello; in the party by flo milli; fantasy by bazzi; edge of seventeen by stevie nicks; season of the witch by lana del rey; moon song by phoebe bridgers

pile three — signs include; pumpkins, corn, fall, scarecrows, halloween, books, bella swan from twilight, fog, boxing, binders or sports bras, dutch braids, plants growing where they're not supposed to, weeds, moths, jungles, fairy lights, star-shaped lights, star garlands, garlands, palm trees, ferns, eggs, dyed eggs, faberge eggs, hard-boiled eggs especially in egg cups, pysanky eggs, easter, ukraine, russia, poland, grey foxes, dogs with amber eyes especially grey dogs, grey dogs, sunken treasure, titanic, goblets, treasure chests, eastern asia, mulan, wicked movie or musical, elphaba from wicked, the wicked witch of the west from the wizard of oz, the scene in harry potter and the goblet of fire where fleur is taken into the hedge maze and wrapped with vines and wood, gandalf, blue hydrangeas, disc golf, chiropractor appointments, pizza especially deep dish pizza, comfort food especially greasy comfort food, jon snow or daenerys from game of thrones and a song of ice and fire

you need to actually use the tools and opportunities given to you in order to shift. are your desired realities in your best interest? are these DRs healthy for you, or are you risking a lot of trauma? perhaps you need to script a few more safety measures.

now is the time to look at the things you want, really want, and learn why it is that you want them. don't look for things at the surface, dive deep into why you want to live these lives and why they're important to you. ask yourself, do you really want this? there's no shame in rescripting or not shifting for the plot.

the good news is, your desires are absolutely possible. you have the power to shift and manifest everything you want — just be sure you actually want them. and want them for yourself, not for the people in your DR. you don't need to be someone's emotional rock through, let's give an example, a war or toxic relationship. remember that you too have to live through the difficulties in your DR. you can be there for someone without also putting yourself at risk.

shifting should be about emotional and spiritual fulfillment, about becoming your highest self, not avenging some sort of slight or lack. material things can be exciting and rewarding, but be sure to reward your soul just as much as you do your body or environment.

don't let opportunities pass you by; you have a chance to get everything you want, so jump on it. don't worry about doing things wrong, or being perfect. I was told once that imperfect action can be the most successful one. sometimes, clumsiness is endearing. let yourself experience the beauty of life and consciousness and the process instead of being weight and rooted down by superficiality. choose yourself first, not as a physical body, but as a soul.

you're probably a very logical or methodical person. it's difficult for someone so grounded intellectually to progress upwards in a spiritual sense. some things aren't meant to be understood in the physical realm, you have to go outwards into the spiritual world as well.

how silly would it be if we only thought of health as being our physical body rather than being our mental health or environment? life isn't just about the things you can see and touch, so start exploring your beliefs outside of that in detail. you don't have to agree with everyone, you just have to believe in yourself.

learn how to experience emotions rather than analyzing them. to heal, you need to feel. have you ever tried to ignore an itch? it gets unbearable after a few seconds. your emotions and mental health are the same way. you can't just go oh, I'm itchy, you need to make an action to resolve it. so scratch that itch, let yourself feel and process your emotions. there's a reason you feel better and relieved after you cry.

judging from the music, you're probably an older shifter or were raised by older parents. our childhoods are the last of the "good days", the time without social media being so rampant, the time where you didn't need two jobs to survive, the last good (or well, better) education in America, time when you could actually socialize somewhere outside of your phone. the time we lived in wasn't a great one, but in a lot of ways it feels better than everything going on right now. nostalgia is a beautiful thing, and in a lot of ways it's healing.

maybe that's the key for you, to go back. in a song of ice and fire, Daenerys is told she must go back in order to go forward. what media did you feel so deeply connected to as a child? what worlds did you wish, pray, dream of living in? take stock of the those, and consider making DRs for them. sometimes, children are the most knowledgeable of all.

I personally often shift to places of great significance to my childhood, like my childhood home, the home my grandparents lived when I was a child, and the school I went to as a kid. you may find success in making equally significant places for you into waiting rooms, or shifting to relive your childhood in a better, safer, healthier way.

on a soul level, you are a master shifter. that's a gift you were born with, something you didn't need to work on or earn. you may shift to places that aren't where you intend to go, or you may have shifted very quickly into your journey but haven't made it where you want to go or haven't shifted since. your instincts guide you well.

you likely have many DRs or have a habit of masking or code switching based on your environment. use this great adaptive ability to shift! you have a natural gift that you can apply to shifting, and you've probably never thought of it that way. you are constantly being reborn, lean into it. make it a shifting method. allow yourself to fit into your DR, to code switch or mask as though you are already there. don't carry anything with you from your current reality, completely become and act as though you are in your DR.

you may have success shifting through dreams or by intending to wake up in your DR. let go and let yourself be reborn, just as you do in this reality depending on your environment.

you can also use your dreams to conquer any fears, worries, or doubts about shifting. for me personally, I would summon people who I was worried about in a lucid dream, just to get used to their presence. people are much less intimidating when you actually have them in front of you. use your dreams to heal through regrets, even daydream of it. daydream of the things you wish you did or said. learn what you can do better the next time around. work on standing up for yourself and develop self-confidence by doing these mental scenarios.

you are everything and have everything you could ever need. there is no need to worry or doubt about that. you should actually use that as an affirmation when you go to shift or manifest or have any self doubt at all. develop the relationship you have with yourself. reconnect with who you are at a soul level and who you are in your desired reality (or your current reality if you so choose). it might be uncomfortable at first, but man is it worthwhile.

you might feel the need to compete with other shifters — maybe they're more experienced, more popular, maybe they're shifting for the same person or the same DR as you. none of that matters, that's your ego getting in the way of feeling joy. focus on yourself and your own journey. don't let your ego or lower-vibration thoughts and feelings get in the way of loving yourself or your DRs. don't involve other people in your DRs or your spiritual journey. it's meant to be entirely about you, for you; so let it be.

focusing on yourself and your own journey is the best way to bring in balance to your soul, and ultimately to receive whatever rewards are coming your way.

songs — addicted by saving abel; lips of an angel by hinder; best on earth by russ and bia; black friday by tom odell; teenagers by my chemical romance; me and the devil by soap&skin; riot by three days grace; the phoenix by fall out boy; dream a little dream of me by the mamas & the papas; hometown glory by adele; gimme! gimme! gimme! (a man after midnight) by abba

I hope you enjoyed!!

yoshi!!

[haoetoile]

still into you - xu minghao

word count: 839

genre: fluff, VERY fluff

pairing: minghao x gn!reader (with mingyu cameos)

a/n: it's the first post of this account! back in 2021, i had one account to write exclusively about monsta x, but i ended up quitting and came back now. nothing better to start if not with the men that named this account!

contains: basically, it’s an strangers to lovers!au fluff inspired by paramore’s song (i was raised as an emo kid, so as i just had to do this) ‘still into you’ in which you recap all the things you’ve been through with your boyfriend hao! reader is described as very shy

you couldn't count on one hand you many years the two of you had been together, not necessarily in a romantic way. it all started when your mutual friend, mingyu, introduced the two of you at a party, hoping that you, who was always so shy, would be able to make friends other than him

the two of you had a small talk that day, and it was surprisingly pleasant to both, he was very friendly and polite, and also had very interesting topics to talk about. mingyu was very happy to see that the shy y/n he knew was being able to talk to someone else other than him without being able to stutter or look down (also, he saw much potential in both you as a couple, so he wanted to make it work too, but that's a secret for both of you)

weeks later, your art history teacher requested a report on a museum visit, and knowing that, mingyu asked minghao to come with him, knowing you'd probably choose this same museum, and once he saw you getting near the piece they were looking at, he suddenly needed to use the bathroom (actually, that was just a pretext to have you two alone)

you were looking at van gogh's 'starry night', and suddenly, you bumped into someone

"oh god, i'm sorry... i'm so, so sorry" you yelped, finally looking at the person you bumped into

"it's okay, don't worry" he gave you a warm smile, before studying your features for a bit "hey, you're mingyu's friend, right? y/n, is it?"

"a-ah, so you remember me...." you felt quite a warmth in your chest at his words "yes, i am. minghao, right? nice to see you again"

that way, both of you made quite a small talk on how you had being, before turning to the painting again. he loved art, and being able to look at one so valuable near him made it all better

"it's so pretty, right?" i really like the starry night, for me, it has such a deep sense of loneliness" he pondered, studying the painting before continuing "i think it's fascinating how despite his inner turmoils van gogh was able to create such a masterpiece"

"whoa, your analysis is actually very good" you were impressed, before starting to give away yours

that way, you two ended up talking about art for a long time, long enough for him to forget mingyu was even there, and he decided to take you for a coffee, which ended up becoming a regular encounter between the two of you

and after months of going to cafés, art galleries and libraries on dates, you started to feel different. suddenly, he was all you could think about, on a way butterflies would fly all across your stomach, and your face would blush

you waited for 6 months to confess to him, but in the end, it was all needless, as he was the one who confessed first and asked you on a relationship. of course, he took his time with you and your feelings, not wanting to rush anything between the two of you or to get you overwhelmed

the relationship started slow, with dates on the most romantic spots he was able to find. after a year of relationship, he was mostly certain he'd like to have you close to him forever, and that's when he decided you two should meet each other's families. and after 6 years of being together, he decided you two should move in together, certain he'd ask your hand in marriage soon

and during an amusement park day, as soon as you turned your back to him, he ended up making the big proposal, leading to your current situation of being engaged to him

and gosh, you still feel the same butterflies on the stomach you felt when you first fell in love with him. you simply couldn't help but be in love with the most gentle, romantic, kind and loving man you've ever seen, the man who'd have late night tea parties with you, take you out on the most creative dates, who'd hold you to sleep every single day, and who'd move the world if you asked him to

all that mattered to you was the fact you had each other to rely on and love unconditionally, you were each other's home and both of you were grateful for that, even someone watching from afar could say you were head over heels to each other. he was like the summer love you'd see at movies, the intense, beautiful loves, except the fact he was not a seasonal lover, but the man you'd love forever and no one would ever change that

i mean, minghao's your entire world, the men you want to start a family with, your safe place, your everything. god, you couldn't help but be excited to the big day of marriage come soon, and you also couldn't help but still be into him after all that

[kkukverse]

his dandelion

pair: Taehyung x athlete!reader (fem.reader)

genre: high school au, childhood friends au

warnings & ratings: mentions of injuries | fluff, angst

word count: 4k

author's note: happy birthday, winter bear.

You were both thirteen when Taehyung wanted to be your friend.

He sat next to you in art class, only with his dark charcoal pencil as his utensil. He drew peculiar lines and shapes and sometimes portraits. Your teacher loves them but you cannot understand it. 

Your teacher once said that he would’ve made an astounding art prodigy if his arts were to be seen by the world. She said his talent is hidden in this crappy little island. But Taehyung doesn’t really mind it, he once whispered to you, “I like it here, I don’t think my art is that big of a deal anyway. It’s not like I’m Van Gogh or something”

You laughed along because at thirteen years old, you never knew nor cared about a guy named Van Gogh. Taehyung used to tell you about that guy. Not wanting to look ignorant, you used all of your extra pocket money to get into Mr. Lee’s cyber cafe. Using the internet to find out more about the man Taehyung always talks about. 

You were confused, for someone who painted in vibrant color, Van Gogh is actually a sad guy. 

Unlike him. Taehyung was a vibrant kid and you noticed he only used dark colors in his paintings. You always paint everything in red and yellow. Those are your favorite, probably because of your field and track jersey. Since you keep seeing those colors, you tend to use them the most.

One day, on your practice day, Taehyung sat spreading his legs on the bench. Quite close to you but you still squint your eyes. Unsure if it’s actually him or just some other boy who wore the exact baggy beige pants that you always see on him, why is he here? Maybe he’s waiting for a friend. 

You just finished a total of five set a hundred meter runs before you realized that he is actually looking at you. From almost a yard away from him, you waved your hand “Taehyung?”

“Yea,” one arm on his knee, the other one waving back at you.

“Waiting for someone?” you yelled, hoping that he can hear you.

“No one, just watching you,” Taehyung answered.

You jog closer to him, because you think you misheard that he was here watching you, not waiting for someone. Wait? 

“What?” You pant while wiping sweat on your forehead. 

“I said, I was watching you running,” he beamed, looking up at you. He was holding back a laugh seeing your face twitch in confusion.

“There isn’t any particular reason. I was just nearby when I saw your team having a practice.” 

“And somehow you decided to stay?” You asked.

“I am curious. I really wanted to see you in the field. I saw you in your jersey all the time after our class. I never gets to see you in action, so yea, I decided to stay and watch you,”

“Well, that’s…”

“Too weird?” Taehyung scooted to provide you some space on the bench. His big hand lightly taps on the free spot, luring you to sit next to him.

“No, not really. We just don’t really talk in class and I was just..shocked?” You’re making sure there’s a gap in between your thighs and his because you’re conscious of your sweaty smelly self. 

He chuckled and you stared at his boxy smiles. There it is, the infamous smile that swooned everyone in this little island.

“Silly, I thought we’re already friends? At least I considered us friends the moment you let me borrow your yellow paint.” He turns his whole upper body, fully facing you now. 

The yellow paint was a cheap one. It was not even that bright. In fact, all colours in the paint set are dull and pale. It was affordable and your mom did her best to buy it. Bless her heart. Taehyung uses your yellow paint for the dandelion he drew. What you didn’t know was, he may purposely draw the dandelions so he can talk to you. 

“Oh yeah.” You agreed along.

Crap. I’m so sweaty like a pig right now, you thought. 

“Let’s make it more clear, can we be friends?” Taehyung smiles at you.

“Sure,” was your only answer. 

Dammit you can feel the sweat running down the valley of your prepubescent beasts and you wanted this to end before Taehyung can see it through your thin jersey. 

Since that day, Taehyung never missed a day of your practice. Just sitting all by himself on the bench until it’s over, and after that you walked home together. 

At seventeen, he wiped the tears and kissed the pain away.

If Taehyung was told to rate three of his hardest moments in his life, number three would be sending you off on the ferry to town. 

You have become a successful athlete, number one track runner in your hometown representing your school. You were always away for running events.

Once a month, you’re cruising on the ferry, off to the big city. It pains Taehyung to watch you go out of the island where he is still stuck there. But he insisted on sending you and picking you up. Because that way he can soothe his heart by sending you safely and knowing you will always come back home.

Just like any other month. Taehyung is waiting by the station on his bike. Ready to pick you up.

He is imagining your silly face with a gold medal on your neck. “Taetae I won! Again!” Like any other month. Taehyung can’t help it. He has grown to care about you a lot. He has become your number one supporter, always there at the finished line.

Taehyung knows by heart the schedule of the ferry. The ferry leaves at seven every morning and the last trip from the town is always at before five in the evening. He knows the schedule like the back of his hand. It’s a small island. Nothing really goes wrong. Except if there is a storm or if the sea is unpleasant. Which was rare. 

He knows that the journey took two hours. It’s always two hours back and forth to the big city. Somehow right now his watch is pointing at seven. Later than usual. He kept himself calm by picturing you running to him. 

His eyes lit up the moment he saw the ferry. He patiently waits until every single one of the passengers is out of that ferry. Just like any other month, he predicted your loud scream can be heard by now.

 Except, this time it was silent.

The ferry was here but he couldn’t hear your giggles, his heart was beating fast. Something is not right.

Standing up straight, he runs to the ferry. Calling for you. 

His frantic eyes caught a few people still coming out but he couldn’t find you. What happened? Times like this makes him more anxious because he couldn’t call you. At seventeen, having a phone in this little island is a luxury. Promising himself to get a phone soon with the money he collected from part time jobs.

One hand on his hip and the other is rubbing his face, he broke into a cold sweat. His mind is moving too fast with questions. Were you left behind? Did something happen to you? Are you alone?

Just before he almost turned around and grabbed his bike to look for your coach or your mom, he saw a solemn figure at the back side of the ferry. 

His second hard moments in his life is watching you injured.

His heart beats like a drum when he sees you in crutches, one leg is wrapped and head down looking at the floor. He walks with a heavy heart to you, whispering your name as if calling you out loud would break your already fragile state.

“Hey, look at me,” Taehyung says softly as he holds your chin. Prompting you to look up to him. He gasped after his eyes set on your face. Your lower lip is busted and red with dried blood, your eyes are swollen, which he assumes from crying. He hates that he was right.

His greatest fear, your tears.

“Taetae,” the break in your voice is stabbing Taehyung all over the place.

“Shh, It’s okay, you’re okay.” He cupped your face with his hands. As gentle as he can. Eyes frowning seeing you in pain. Taehyung wishes there are things such as transferring pain because right now he wants to take yours.

“I lost,” you sob, letting tears and snot rolling down your face. The sting on your lip is the least pain you can feel.

“Oh dear, it’s just one lost. I’m sure you did your best.” Taehyung cooed as he wiped your tears and snot.

“No, it’s not gonna be one lost from now on. I tripped and fell so hard. It’s gonna take months to heal,” you hiccups and Taehyung swears this is the sound that breaks his heart the most and he vows to keep you away from it.

“I’m gonna miss the nationals, Tae what am I gonna do?” you wail. Breathing becomes hard. With hiccups and sobbing and a blurry view because of the tears, you’re breaking down in his arms.  

“Shh shh, take a deep breath for me. Come on baby, don’t scare me. Please, please breathe.” he puts his forehead on yours. Hoping to ground you back to him. Thumbs rubbing softly on your cheeks.

The term of endearment didn’t go unnoticed by you. Baby.

“Taetae,”. You were still sobbing as you leaned on him.

Taehyung is terrified, he never saw you cry this hard. He doesn’t know how to calm you and it kills him to not be able to do anything to lessen your pain. So he kissed you, softly. On your forehead, on your cheeks, on your eyelids, on your nose. 

The traces of his kisses feel like a feathery touch. And your sense is following his trails. Closing your eyes you’re no longer sobbing. Only soft whimpers fill the space.

“There we go. No more tears, baby.” Taehyung is relieved now that he can feel you breathing at a steady pace again. “Let’s go home,” he hesitated when his eyes landed on your lips. Swollen red from the biting. 

You noticed the lingering stare and with a beat of the heart you crashed your lips on his. Seeking comfort and warmth, Taehyung is soaring high. The kiss was like a warm wave. Languid and soft. Taehyung is so gentle. He peppers soft kisses around your busted lips. 

“Don't wanna hurt you,” he breathed. Pulling himself from the kiss, he rubs a soft circle on your cheek. “Let’s go home,” he added. 

He piggybacks you home first and comes back again later to pick up his bike and your crutches. From that day onward, you both knew that you aren’t just friends anymore.

You have been itching to get your feet back on track and once the cast is off, you swear you’re gonna spend every evening running. It wasn’t ideal since the injury was bad and you were advised to stay put until it completely healed. 

But you were so determined to get back on track because your only goal is getting into nationals. You have planned it out. Since you don’t perform well academically, running is your only golden ticket out of the island. You got to join the national teams. You must.

The evening after you took off your cast accompanied by Taehyung, you asked him to drop you off at the track field.

“What are we gonna do in the field? You’re not planning on running aren’t you?” Taehyung speaks with scrunched eyebrows. 

“Taetae, please. I really missed the track.” You pouted and he’s a goner.

“No running!” He pointed his finger at you. You smirk before pretending to bite it. 

“I’m serious. No running,” he gently flicked your forehead. “We’re just gonna take a walk, okay?” he hums, turning around to make sure you’re securely safe on the back of his bike.

“I promise.” You squeezed his waist, an answer yes I’m alright back here Taetae.

You have no idea how much you missed the track until Taehyung helped you down from the bike. The sudden gush of air fills your lungs like you’ve come up from drowning. Taehyung can sense that you’re become quite overwhelmed. His hand enveloping yours as he kissed your temple.

“Come on,” he whispered.

Rahhhh!! Rahhh!!! 

The chant of the crowd broke a smile on your face. You missed it, you missed smelling the old burgundy track, feeling the burn from the sun, the sweat and the satisfying burn in your lungs when you reached the finish line. 

You missed a certain someone waiting there. With his ridiculous boxy grin, and his booming cheers, muting other sounds and you can hear nothing but his voice. 

It is so hard to be the one sitting in the audience instead of being on the track.

Taehyung left you for a minute to buy some lemonade and you desperately need him to ground you. Otherwise you’d be a crying mess. Yearning to be on the track but your almost healing leg is holding you back.

It is an annual event, something like sports day for the people in your island. It wasn’t even a big event, unlike the ones you used to compete in. But your heart hummed in a painful tone. You’re jealous of those who can run freely on the track you held dear to your heart.

A soft tap on your shoulder broke you from wallowing in self-pity. Taehyung sat next to you, hands holding two cups of lemonade. He knows coming here is not a good idea but you woke up so early and dressed up to be here. He doesn’t have the heart to say no.

Seeing your frowning face, Taehyung started to think maybe he should’ve said no or maybe brought you somewhere else but here.

“Hey, did I tell you that Miss Choi is helping me submit my art to the National Art School?” Taehyung winced at his futile attempt to distract you. No, Taehyung, this isn’t about you. He bit the inner cheek. Handing you a cup of lemonade before he could think of anything to turn back the time.

“No way,” you gasped. He knows you’d be excited for him. But he didn’t expect how your face would just glow in excitement like this. He was glad. 

“Taetae! Why did you just tell me now? How could you!” you punched his shoulder. It doesn’t hurt a bit. Taehyung is still lost in your happy smile. 

“Ah, I'm so happy. Finally, Let the city people look at your art. They're gonna praise you Taetae!” You smile adoringly and Taehyung hated that he had one thought you wouldn’t be happy for him.

“Yea, but I’m not sure yet what piece I should submit. I’m not that good and nope before you can scream at me let me finish,” he raised his finger on your lips. Just managed to stop you from gasping out loud. 

What an outrageous statement! Kim Taehyung’s arts are the most magnificent arts. Though you have no clue how to appreciate art, you would break hell if people couldn’t appreciate his art.

“It’s a tough competition, even if my piece were received and reviewed, the chances of me getting in there are slim. There are so many talented artists out there, baby. Let’s not have high hopes. Not to mention I haven’t had a decent piece to submit yet.” he sighed. Shoulders slumped and he emptied the lemonade in one go.

He is nervous.

Looking at him, you squished his cheeks with your hands. “Look at me,” you demanded.

“Your art is the most breathtaking art I have ever seen, Kim Taehyung. And it’s a lot coming from me, who is practically blind when it comes to looking at paintings. I have zero knowledge about art but I know for sure, yours are gonna blow some minds. There’s people out there who studied arts, they will look at yours and be amazed by them.” You said.

“And you will always have good arts, they’re not just decent. You always said when the inspiration comes, it comes. Don’t pressure yourself,” you whispered as if it’s the only secret between you and him. And you’re selfish, not wanting to share the moment with the rest of the crowds.

Taehyung didn’t know how a heart could break until that night he received a call from your mother.

“Taehyung, she fell. Again.” 

The static noise filled his ears as he ran to the jetty. It was midnight and there’s no ferry to take him to you.

Stupid, stupid girl!

He cried while banging his chest. He could’ve prevented you from going. You told him you wanted to participate in a tournament. It was not even a month after you recovered. Teahyung did think you were so stubborn to go because apparently it was for a scholarship. You were hellbent on going because you knew, the moment Taehyung got accepted to art school, you will be left alone. 

You wanted to be in the city with him. You were so sure Taehyung would get accepted and the only way to be with him is to get the sports scholarship and join him in the city.

Taehyung was unsure at first. You just got better. He was scared that one slip could jeopardize your whole dream. Again, he hated that he was right.

Your mom was sobbing when she called him. “She can never run again Tae, her muscle was torn and there’s no way we can afford a surgery. She hasn’t woken up yet, she was under a high dose painkiller. I don’t know what to tell her Tae.”

Taehyung wished he could calm your mom but he couldn’t. Not when he was crying too.

You always tell him the same dream of yours. Joining the national team, go to the Olympics. Becoming the fastest runner of the country. Run until you can never feel your legs anymore. With him always telling you he’d be on the finish line. Cheering you on and on. And now the dreams will stay as dreams.

He couldn’t control his anger and thinking about your pain, he collapses on the ground. Letting the tears touch the ground. It wasn’t until he was collected enough to ride the earliest ferry to town. To come to you.

Taehyung stays by your side nights and days. Helping your mom as you don't have any male figure in your life. His parents understand it and he is thankful for that. They know how much you meant to him and they were so proud to see their son has been such a reliable shoulder especially in this trivial time for your family.

He was the one who meets up with the doctor with your mom. Discussing the recovery plan, and just being there to be your pillar. You were so quiet on the first day he arrived. The dark circles under your eyes and the hollow stare is tearing his heart apart. 

Not saying much he helped feed you, and carried you to the bathroom. You were still quiet, though Taehyung tried to engage you in small talks. He makes silly jokes, the repeated jokes you always laughed at only to be received an empty response from you now. 

“Tae, I wouldn’t know what to do if you weren't here. Thank you so much, son.” Your mom cries to him. Taehyung was so heartbroken to see your mom keep crying as he himself couldn’t do much to ease the pain. 

“She’ll get better, she is strong.” He said. It has become a mantra every time Taehyung sat alone, thinking about you.

One day, when the doctor allowed you to go home, you reached for him. Mumbling, “Taetae, will I be okay?” your voice was strained, rough and broken. Eyes still staring into the void but your hands held onto him so tight. Like you’re so afraid if he lets go.

“Yes, you will. You’re a strong girl, you’re my strong girl,” Taehyung replied without hesitation, kissing your forehead in hopes of banishing the negative thoughts from swallowing your mind. 

“But I can’t run anymore. What’s the point? I am no longer a runner.” 

“Maybe there’s another opportunity for you. Maybe we can try other things, I’ll help you,”

You scoffed, he sounded silly and unrealistic. “I am nothing without running. It’s my only purpose, Kim Taehyung.” 

He winced at his full name used by you. “I get it but you shouldn’t lose all hope. There are other possibilities for you out there, we just have to push harder to look for them. I believe in you.” Taehyung pleads.

“You don’t get it. All my life, one thing I am sure about is the track. I beat the time every time I’m on the track and now I am defeated with a broken leg and a stupid brain. Forget academics, you and I, we both know how terrible I am at learning. I’m not you! You’re a prodigy in everything. You have people who want to buy your art. I only have the track to stay valid so no, no one gets it. Not even you!” you were seething through your teeth. 

All of the pent up anger and frustration were let out to the one person you cared about. It’s too late to regret, now that his face shows nothing but hurt.

Taehyung feels like being punched in his gut with your words. How could you, when he himself couldn’t sleep a wink from the day he heard about your injury. When worried about you every time you were at a tournament. When he can barely sit still watching you running on the track.

He couldn’t say anything after that. He knows whatever comes out from his mouth will only make it worse. You were devastated, he got to understand that. You need time and space, and you will be okay again. 

Ever since you arrived home, you refused to meet anyone. Not even Taehyung. You were angry and most of all you were just sad. You wanted to be mad at something, something to blame but you couldn’t find it. 

Maybe it was yourself, maybe if you weren’t so stubborn, maybe if you waited a little longer. 

Taehyung did not give up. You were pushing him away and he didn’t move a flinch. He realizes he is being a pushover but you need someone. You were stubborn, through and through. You don’t have to come out of your room to talk to him nor him entering your room like he always does, but you know he’s around, he is home. 

He even followed you and your mom to your routine physiotherapy. But you ignore him. A part of you feels selfish and guilty for treating him this way. Another part is, you think you’re dragging him down on this stupid island. You tried to distance yourself from him, but Taehyung didn’t care. He stays stuck next to you. 

Even though you went to school all by yourself, Taehyung always follows behind you quietly. You didn’t talk to anyone and yet he still comes to your locker to help you carry your book. 

You forgot about his art submission, until one day he came up to your room. Knocking softly. He didn’t speak but who else would be in your house other than your mom. You opened up to see him holding a big white canvas under his arm.

He turns it to you, showing you a painting of a girl in her yellow and red jersey. The girl is running in a field of dandelions.   

“I want to submit this but I need you to see it first. You are my muse, you are my girl. It kills me to see you in this state and I want nothing but the very best of you. I used to cheer for you on the finish line but this time let me run by your side. Let me help you. If I get accepted, I will make a lot of money and I will make the best life for you, so you can stop worrying so much. We’ll learn together, just let me in.”

[savvthedate]

Skz!Smalltown!Au:

Chapter 1 - Screw up

Authors note - sorry if this felt rushed I just wanted to get back on track with the posting, happy late new years, happy late Christmas ❤️

“How could you be so stupid, Y/N?, Do you not understand how much we've had to do to put you in that school?!” You sat there as you barely listened to your dad scream at you without breaking his contact with the long dirt road. You sat in that car for 5 hours getting yelled at every 20 minutes. You didn't mean it, you were desperate.

“Plagiarism, huh out of all the damn things,...” your father had said scoffing as he stopped at thread light

You didn't know how to tell your parents that shit would've hit the fan if you failed that test, it was only a few answers, you didn't know that the school was that strict.

Your parents had worked hard for as long as you knew, trying to get you to be successful so you could take care of them too. You didn't want to disappoint them so you just looked at a few rough questions that's it. In fact if that one guy didn't catch you, you wouldn't be in this situation now.

After your parents found out they pushed you and all your things into the car and that's how you wonded up here

—------

Finally

The car came to a full stop.

You didn't know where you were, but you didn't like it. It wasn't what you were used to. It was a small town, kinda like the ones you'd see in a show about teens in the 80’s, the type of town where everyone knew each other and their business. The stores were close together and decorated, they were cute though, someplace called Hwang florist had painted flowers over the windows the main one being a van Gogh painting you recognized the one with sunflowers, next to the florist was a small little library, and two stores down was ‘Bang convonvience’. It was a small brown quiet store with another story on top of it. Your dad had stopped right in front of the store and told you to wait in the car. Now you are with your mother.

“Y/N, I'm so sorry, but… you have to understand, there's a good school down here for you… you'll love it here, I grew up around here” your mother said as she tried to fake a slight smile.

“We’re moving here?” You asked surprisingly, this was way to far from where you used to live

“I'm so sorry, but with money, we won't be able to move here, but you'll be staying here. Your father just wanted to drop you off at a farther city, but my old friend lives here, so you'll be staying with her”

You were in disbelief. Your parents were just going to give up on you like that? They were going to drop you off with some random woman for cheating? In the heat of the moment you protested in the only way you could, you cried.

No amount of crying stopped your father from pulling you out of the car and driving you off at the entrance of the store. You were devastated, so devastated that your parents asked a store worker to bring in your things and put them upstairs.

Your parents didn't even say goodbye and about time you were finished crying, they were gone.

“I'm so sorry about how we're meeting and all but, I'm glad you're here, im mrs. Bahng” the woman said, she looked young and calming when you looked at her.

You barely managed to choke out a introduction, but she welcomed you regardless and showed you the second floor, where you'd be staying

—------

Later that night, as you lay in bed, sleep refused to come. You didn't eat what was offered. The silence around you was unsettling and unfamiliar, broken only by the occasional sound of footsteps drifting up from the floor below. You thought of your parents and of home, you thought about yourself and that's when you cried again.

Finally, unable to lie still any longer, you sat up and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was late, but you decided to go downstairs, hoping maybe a drink from the store might calm you down.

As you quietly walked down the stairs, you saw a figure moving around the shop, stacking items on shelves and turning off lights. He hadn’t noticed you yet, so you paused, taking in the scene. The boy looked about your age, with messy dark hair that fell slightly over his eyes as he focused on his work. He wore an old band t-shirt and looked relaxed, humming softly to himself as he went about.

Suddenly, he glanced up and noticed you standing on the bottom step. He blinked, surprised, but then a small, friendly grin crept onto his face.

“You must be the guest, sorry I didn't get to talk to you much,” he said, setting down the box he was holding. “I’m Chris”

“Yeah… i’m Y/N,” you replied weakly, throat still sore, feeling a little self-conscious as you walked closer.

Chris gave a sympathetic nod. “Rough first day, huh?”

You nodded, a bit embarrassed, unsure of how much he knew about the situation. But there was a warmth in his gaze that made you feel a bit more at ease. He seemed to sense the awkwardness and gave a lighthearted shrug, gesturing to the shelves around him.

“Well, this place is as thrilling as it looks. Welcome though. It might not be the most exciting place, but there are some good things here.”

You managed a small smile at his attempt to lighten the mood. His energy was calming, even in the quiet shop. He looked at you for a moment, as though debating something, then gave a slight nod.

“Hey,” he said, his voice softer now, “if you ever need anything, just… you know, let me know. It’s not easy, new place and all.”

You nodded, appreciating the kindness.

“Thanks,” you murmured.

With that, Chris gave you a small bag of chips and a soda and went back to work and you turned and headed back upstairs.

@cuddleycloud1 @skz-2022 @hyuuukais

[i-am-baechu]

Chapter Nine

Wishes (M) (Season One) 

Summary: After a long day of classes, Min Yoongi decides to take a break at the music hall that has become his second home. He walks in with his cigarette lit and his blank expression quickly changes when he sees a girl playing his piano. The moment their eyes meet, their lives become complicated and Yoongi blames himself for her future pain. Was the love we had honest? 

Genre: Gang au!, college au!,  strangers to enemies (one-sided), strangers to lovers, slow burn, friendships, romance, angst,  little comedy, and smut

Main pairing: Gang leader! Min Yoongi x Pianist! Reader 

Warnings: Explicit language, smut, mature themes, gangs, violence, smoking cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol usage 

Warnings for this chapter: Mention of death and smut 

Author's Note: This chapter has a lot of feelings. Learning more about Y/N’s past! 

Playlist: All I want - Kodaline

⇜ Masterlist ⇝

Love is truthful and a security blanket. It makes you feel at home and the corruption of the real world is silent for one night. With love, darkness will disappear and the light will come forward. Love can change lives. However, love can also be part of the corruption. The love you have for someone can be used as ammunition to another. You just didn’t know about it until it was too late. What you have left is a broken heart and tears that can put waterfalls to shame. Love is powerful, maybe too powerful.     

The night sky was bright with the moon being the main attraction. The sky itself was dark but it had a hint of blue. Van Gogh would’ve painted this sky over and over again. Y/N looked away from the sky and toward Yoongi with a soft smile, “I like moments like this.”

Yoongi gave her a tight smile and she knew his mind was clouded. She didn’t want to ruin their moment by asking, “I do too.” 

She rubbed her fingertips on top of his knuckles  and looked back at the sky, “Just stay with me.” 

“I’ll stay with you, Y/N.” 

Two Days Ago

Y/N glanced at the mirror with a wide smile. Today, Dawon’s dress was ready to be picked up and she could finally pick up her dress. She could finally try on the final product. Dawon and Y/N made a pact that they would always try on dresses together, even if their dress was ready; they would wait. They started this pact when they were in elementary school and it stuck with them to this day. 

Y/N twirled in the light blue embroidered floral ballerina dress and couldn’t help but giggle, “I always feel like a princess here.”

Dawon smiled at her and looked at her white dress with 3D floral detailing, “I told you it was worth waiting for one more week.” 

“I agree.” 

Dawon turned towards them and tilted her head in curiosity. This caused Y/N to stop and return the stare, “What?” 

“You're happier today...did something happen yesterday to cause this?” 

Y/N felt her face get hot and smiled, “If I tell you, it must be kept between us.” 

Dawon nodded her head at this, “I expected it.” 

Y/N grabbed Dawon’s hand and headed towards the couch to sit. She looked around them and saw there was no one. She took a deep breath and smiled, “I kissed someone.” 

Dawon’s eyes widen at this, “Who?” 

“You know that man who was waiting for me the other day?” 

“Yes...”

“I kissed him.” 

Dawon smiled at this but it quickly dropped, “How long have you known him?” 

“Five months..maybe more. I lost count honestly.” 

Dawon gave her a worried look but she quickly wiped it off, “What do you know about him?” 

Y/N looked back at Dawon, “I know about his parents and I met his friends...”

“Is that all?” 

Y/N nodded her head, “He doesn’t talk about his parents because...it’s a sad story. I hope you can understand.”

“I understand...but you don’t know him?” 

Y/N looked away and glanced down at her shoes, “I know him enough.” 

“Y/N, do you really know him? I don’t want you making the wrong move because you want that warmth.” 

Y/N bit her lip and then looked at Dawon, “It was just a kiss...that’s all.” 

“Did it mean something to you?” 

Did it mean something to me? I felt so happy when it happened... “Not sure...still trying to figure it out.” 

Dawon frowned at this and wrapped her arm over her shoulders, “I didn’t mean to bring you down. I just remember what happened with-”

“Please...I don’t want to hear his name...thank you for caring about me.”

Dawon rubbed her shoulder gently, “I don’t want to see you heartbroken. That’s all.”

“I know...I know.” 

Later that day, Y/N sat in her room and she stared at the ceiling with empty eyes. She knew why Dawon was cautious about her love life. She was hurt before but it wasn’t because of normal circumstances. When someone wants to break up with someone, they simply tell the other person. They just don’t die and you never see them again. Things like that don’t normally happen but of course, it happened to her. She closed her eyes and she met his eyes once more...

Y/N was eighteen and she was waiting at the park. Today marked their fourth anniversary and she couldn’t be happier. She pushed her hair behind her ear as she sat on the swing. She was barely moving but all of a sudden, she was moving in the air. She let out a small laugh and looked over her shoulder, “Seungcheol, if you push me out of this swing-”

“You will punch me. I already know.” 

She pouted at this and puffed her cheeks, “Let me finish my sentence.” 

He stopped the swing and leaned down to have their noses touching, “I will always finish your sentences.” 

She rolled her eyes and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his lips, “Shut up. Where are we going?” 

Seungcheol tilted his head and gave her a wink. He sat next to her in the swing and smiled, “I thought we had a park date. You know we did meet here.” 

“Some of the best talks are at the park.”

He leaned to the side and intertwined their fingers together, “You took that from me.”

“I know.” 

They sat on the swings and they talked about random things. He looked back at her and smiled, “You know...I love you so much.”

She let out a small laugh, “I love you so much.”

“This isn’t a competition.”

“Yeah, if it was...I would win. Loser.” 

She jumped up in her bed and she wiped her face. The tears were nonstop and she couldn’t help but let her emotions take over. She sobbed into her pillow as she remembered Seungcheol. Seungcheol loved her so much that anyone could feel the love. The moment she heard he passed away, she lost a part of herself. She never knew his last goodbye would be the last time she heard his voice. She died a little whenever she thought of it. He brought out the best of her and after he left, her soul was wiped clean. A blank canvas that was begging for paint. 

She sat up in her bed and she turned towards the picture of her and Seungcheol. Her fingertips gently touched the picture and she smiled. Everything about him was perfect. That’s what's hard about moving on. How can you move on from something so perfect? She tried to move on but he’s never gone because in her heart he still lives on. Deep in her heart, she wants to move on but now it's clicking in her head. Maybe she’ll never love another for the rest of her life. 

In Y/N’s heart, she knew Yoongi was sent to her to experience that love again. To feel that warmth again. It’s been four years and she finally felt that spark again. Was it so wrong of her to feel love again? Maybe...she doesn’t even know anymore. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The next day, it felt like a blur. Her mind was taking control of her and there was nothing she could do. Everything made her think of Seungcheol; the poem she had to read in class to the winds gently touching her face at break. Everything made her think of him and there was no one to dry her tears. Was it a mistake to have feelings for Yoongi? Was it wrong of her to move on from him? There were so many emotions that she kept down and it didn’t come to the surface until the kiss. She just ignored it and continued to live life. Never having second thoughts. That was her downfall. 

Dawon intertwined their fingers together as they walked out of the classroom “I’m sorry for yesterday. I didn’t mean to-”

“No...you’re my best friend. You knew I was having these thoughts and you brought them to the surface.” 

Dawon nodded her head at this but the guilt was in her eyes, “You should do what makes you happy and listen to your heart. I just want you to be careful.” 

Y/N let out a small laugh and she glanced down at her shoes, “I was going to visit his brother today.”

“Seungcheol’s brother? Is he back in town?” 

Y/N looked up and nodded her head, “He texted me last night and he wants me to go with him.”

“Do you want me to come?”

Y/N shook her head and smiled, “I need to do it alone...” 

“I understand. Just know, I’m here for you.” 

“I know.” 

They walked outside and Y/N’s eyes landed on Yoongi. He was leaning against the wall and was on his phone. She stood still and stared at him. He was so different from Seungcheol but that wasn’t a bad thing. Yoongi was Yoongi and Seungcheol was Seungcheol. She knew in the four years since Seungcheol’s passing, she’s changed. She caged her heart because she knew no one would ever love her like Seungcheol but here she is staring at the man that could do just that. Love her.  

She swallowed some spit and smiled at Dawon, “I’ll see you later.”

Dawon glanced at Yoongi and then back at her, “I love you, remember that. I’ll support whatever you want to do. Always.”

“I love you too, Dawon.” 

Y/N slowly walked up to him and she felt the wind blowing her hair. It felt like when Seungcheol would pick her up and spin her around. At that moment, she knew he was standing next to her and she couldn’t bear to look at him. She felt like he was betraying him in a way.

“Hey...”

She watched Yoongi's face turn into worry, “What’s wrong?” 

“Thinking too much...can we go to the park?” 

“Yeah, you always go to the park.”

Y/N smiled and nodded her head, “It’s my favorite place.” 

They walked in silence and Y/N could feel Yoongi’s eyes on her but she couldn’t meet them. She sat on the swing and stared up at the sky. The clouds were moving so slowly but so fast at the same time. That’s how time felt to her. She turned to the side and she saw Seungcheol appear. She quickly shook her head and she saw Yoongi looking at her with concerned eyes, “Bambi, are you alright?”

She nodded her head and looked up at the sky, “I was just thinking about things.” 

“Thinking is dangerous.” 

She let out a small laugh, “Don’t I know that? How is everything? You know with Namjoon’s dad and the case...the case that could get me killed?”She heard him cough and she turned to look at him. He had a face that she couldn’t read or she picked it up but she couldn’t say it out loud, “You never gave me an update on it.” 

“Just know I’m taking care of it. I’ll protect you.”She looked away and let out a small sigh, Are you really protecting me if you're hiding? “Bambi.” 

She slowly turned her head and she saw the look in his eyes that made her feel warm, “Trust me.” 

Do I? “Okay...”  

“You're quiet today...is everything okay?” 

She looked up at the sky and nodded her head, “I’m going to be okay. I just miss someone. That’s all.” 

“Who?” 

“Someone who's important...I can’t talk about it yet.” 

“I’ll be here to hear it. Whenever you're comfortable.” 

She looked back at him and gave him a sad smile, “I need some time alone.” 

“Y/N...is it because of our kiss? If you were uncomfortable-”

“I wasn’t...I wanted it. I just have other things on my mind and I need to be alone.”

Yoongi sighed and nodded his head. He grabbed her hand and rubbed her knuckles, “I’m here for you.”  

“I know...I’ll text you.” 

She walked towards her house without a care in the world. Before she entered her house, she turned her head to look at the tree in her front yard. It was just a plant to others but to her it held memories that will always make her feel safe. That’s all she wanted in life again, to feel safe and warm. 

Seungcheol loved the summer time. The warm air always made him smile so brightly and he loved going to the beach with Y/N. The waves gently touching their feet as the sun went down, it was the perfect scene for any couple. That didn’t mean Seungcheol hated winter. He loved winter as well. It gave him an excuse to cuddle with Y/N. 

The tree was empty of its leaves and the snow covered the ground. Seungcheol was walking Y/N home after a date. She always wondered how he could be so warm when the weather outside was the opposite. She always said it was because of his heart and his smile. The snow didn’t have a chance against it. 

They stood under the tree and Seungcheol grabbed her hand. She looked up in curiosity and raised her eyebrow, “What?” 

“I want to marry you.”

She let out a cough and blinked her eyes rapidly, “What?” 

“I want to marry you. I know your mom likes Eunwoo but your dad likes me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

“My mom only likes Eunwoo because of my dad’s business. That’s it. She likes you too...she said you're the perfect match for me.”

“But Eunwoo is richer so...he will always be better in her eyes.” 

She shook her head and leaned forward placing a kiss on his shoulder, “You're perfect for me...also, yes I would like to marry you.” 

“That’s good because I already got you a ring.” 

She entered her house and she started crying when the door touched her back. Her vision became blurry and everything around her became silent. Seungcheol wasn’t a good man, he was a great one. To find a great man is so rare in this world. Anyone can declare their love and affection but if you can’t show warmth from the heart then the affection is wasted. She wasn’t sure about Yoongi. It was clear he was hiding something from her and she couldn’t tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. The one thing she hated in this world was liars. Once you lie, you can never recover the trust. No matter how many times you apologize. 

“Flower?”

She turned her head and she couldn’t tell who it was but she didn’t care. She ran into their arms and cried. She felt arms around her waist and whispers of comfort, “I miss him...I want him here with me. I hate feeling confused and so afraid. If he was here, I wouldn’t be feeling like this.” 

“Oh, flower.” 

The hug became tighter and she looked up to see her father looking down, “I want Seungcheol back...but I’m slowly falling for someone else. I felt that spark again. Am I a bad person?”

“No, flower. Your heart is allowing you to love again. That’s beautiful. It’s hard and I can’t say I know how it feels to lose someone I love but just know, they will always be here. Seungcheol would want you to be happy.” 

“I-I had a whole future with him...is it wrong my future is without him now?” 

“He will always be a part of your history, flower. You don’t have to rewrite your future. He can always be a part of it, it will be different but different is good.” 

She calmed down and let out a cough, “Seungcheol’s brother is going to pick me up soon...”

“Do you need alone time with him?”

“I do.” 

Her father wiped the tears away and placed a kiss on the top of her head, “Love never dies, it lives on. Remember that.” 

She sat on the grass and stared at the gray stone. He will forever be frozen at the age of nineteen while she lives her life. It was as if life was mocking her. She placed white roses down and she smiled gently, “Hi Seungcheol...I miss you. I know you know this already but I think about you everyday but lately my mind was somewhere else.” 

She looked up at the sky and then back at the stone. She gently touched it with her fingertip, “I still have the ring...I don’t wear it anymore. I can’t...I have it on my nightstand. When I wake up in the morning it's the first thing I see.”

She sighed and wiped away some tears as she continued, “I remember the day you were taken away from me...I never knew that was the last I love you I would ever hear from you...”

It was another warm night, the worst kind. That didn’t stop Y/N and Seungcheol. His bedroom became her second home and she knew where everything was. The street lamp peaked through the blinds but she didn’t even bother at looking at the soft light. 

His hand reaches down, finding her clit within a moment. He knew her body like the back of his hand, “Ch-Cheol.”

“My love.” He entered his middle finger and it made her close her eyes tight, “Ch-Cheol, I’m close.” 

“I want you to cum with me.” 

She opened her eyes and nodded her head, “Always with you.” 

He guided the tip of his cock into her and he circled at her entrance as she let out a soft moan. He slightly enters and exits her hole. He loved to tease her. After a few seconds, he finally entered and he leaned down. Placing his hands on each side of her body. 

She gripped his biceps as she looked at him with a dazed outlook, “I-I love you.”

“I love you. I love you so much.” 

He starts to move, cock sliding in and out. The rhythm created a forbbion song with the moon being its producer. He leaned down kissing her neck as she ran her fingers through his hair. This is all she wanted. To be close to him. Her thighs shook in his palms and her eyes closed again. The feeling was overwhelming and she already knew what was happening, “I’m-”

“I know, baby.” 

After a while, they cuddle in his bed. His fingers playing a song against her bare skin, a song that only he knew. She kissed his chest and looked up at him with a soft smile, “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

He slowly got up and she sat up with a confused look, “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get us some food. Joo Won, should be open.”

“Yeah, he should be. Text me when you get there, okay?”

“Of course babe. I love you.”

“Love you more.” 

She closed her eyes and let sleep take over her. She had her phone on full volume and when it started vibrating, she quickly sat up. She saw the caller ID and was confused. She answered the call, “Joo Won?”  

“Y/N...Seungcheol.”

“Yes?”

“Y/N, I’m so sorry-” Everything went silent and she was in a state of shock. She quickly put her clothes on and ran outside without putting her shoes on. She ran for what felt like hours but it was only a matter of minutes. She saw the red and blue light and her world came crashing down. She slowly walked towards the tape and saw what looked like a body under a white sheet. She turned her head to see Joo Won talking to an officer. The world she had was now gone and it was in a matter of seconds. She fell to her knees and let out a loud sob. She laid in tears all night, alone with him by her side. 

She wiped her eyes and gripped at her jeans, “You brought out the best of me...I didn’t even know I had that. When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit. I never thought that you would be taken away from me. I never thought that for a second. If you were still here, we would be married. I wonder if we will have a baby on the way...”

She leaned forward and gently touched the picture in the stone, “I don’t know what to do with my life now. I’m so confused. Yoongi...he’s great but I feel like he’s hiding so much from me. I can’t help but have this attraction towards him but I feel like I have to be cautious. It’s hard for me to understand this spark with Yoongi because I know if you were here, I wouldn’t even think about that spark with him. I’m just scared...I’m so scared to love again because you were taken away from me...and I have nothing left. I just don’t know what to do.”

Just then a butterfly went on her hand and she started crying harder, “Is this you? I wish I could touch you again. I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish you...I wish you were here with me.” 

That night, Y/N couldn’t get any sleep. She snuck out of her house and entered the garden that was behind her house. She sat in the middle where all the flowers surrounded her. She let the smell encase her and she closed her eyes. 

“How did you even get these flowers?” 

Seungcheol shrugged his shoulders and handed them to her, “Do you even know what they are?”

“No, I don’t.” 

Seungcheol smiled and leaned forward placing a kiss on her forehead, “Their heliotropes, love. They symbolize how I feel about you.”

Y/N felt her face get hot and she let out a small laugh, “Can you tell me?”

“Eternal love. I will love you forever. Even when I’m the wind, I will always love you.”

“I will love you even if I’m the sky.”

Seungcheol smiled at this and gave her a quick peck, “Every butterfly you see is me. I don’t have a lot of time to see you because of school but just look at butterflies and know that's me.”  

“Are you calling yourself a insect?” 

“Shut up.” 

She opened her eyes and let out a small laugh. She wiped her eyes and let out a deep sigh. She looked to her side and plucked out a purple hyacinth with a frown, “Yoongi...please don’t hurt me. I don’t know if I can handle it.”

Tag List:

@hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @secfir @amberpanda99

@yoongibaybee

[film-in-my-soul]

Think of the Children, Bucky Barnes | 1,214 | RainyForecast

Summary: Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes decided, was on his shit list. Officially. And seeing as he was currently dressed as Santa Claus, the threat should carry some symbolic heft.

undersell, overcommit | 10,222 | silentwalrust

Summary: Steve goes so hard for Bucky that he becomes a licensed, practicing massage therapist.

Glitter in the Air | 11,625 | BonkyBornes / @padfoot-and-the-marauders

Summary: James was standing when Steve turned around. His backpack hung from his left shoulder. Somehow, he’d managed to buckle the strap across his chest. He looked at Steve, his gaze simultaneously expectant and far away. Guarded. Waiting. For what, Steve didn’t think he wanted to know. “Are you in trouble?” Steve asked again. His voice was quiet, barely there. “No.” Steve looked at him. At the dark bags beneath his eyes, at his dirty hair, the sweatshirt he’d been wearing since Steve had first seen him. There was a hole in the left cuff. It was none of his business. “Is there anyone I can call for you? Is anyone looking for you? There are phones you can use.” “No. I’m—” He stopped and looked at the door. His eyebrows furrowed. “I’m looking.” “Looking for what?” If Steve could help in any way, he would. James looked at him again. It was the first time he’d fully met Steve’s gaze. “Myself.”

(see more recommendations below!)

I [Heart] You | 1,138 | writeonclara / @writeonclara

Summary: “Steve’s been hit with a curse,” Natasha said. She said it calmly, so Bucky didn’t immediately go flying out of the apartment to tear apart the Tower in search of Steve. Then again, Natasha would probably be calm if New York City spontaneously burst into flames. He lowered the coffee pot and squinted at her. “Of course he has,” he said. He felt, abruptly, exhausted. “What is it?” “The witch kept ranting about sexual repression and archaic moral principles,” she continued blithely. “It’s not like you to prevaricate, Romanov.” Natasha pressed her lips together. For a moment, Bucky thought she might start laughing. “It might be easier just to show you.”

Small Truths | 1,311 | crackdkettle / @crackdkettle

Summary: Five times Steve shrank and one time he didn't change back.

Van Goghing Slightly Mad | 1,541 | Xanoka / @adventures-in-mangaland

Summary: Damage control. Now would be the perfect time for damage control. “I’m sorry for calling your painting porn!” Well shit. Bucky is a Security Guard at a fancy art gallery and is absolutely not crushing on the Tiny Blonde Guy who frequents the Modern Art section. Nope. Not at all.

unlocking | 2,636 | glim

Summary: Written for Shrinkyclinks Fest for the prompt: Winter Soldier Bucky is recovering and trying to learn about/integrate into society. So, to kill two birds with one stone, he goes to the library. Steve is the librarian in charge of the history section.

Winter, New York City | 3,688 | unicornpoe

Summary: Between the rough sheets stretched rumpled across the bed, two boys curl like a set of parentheses around each other and their breaths mingle arhythmically in that dark place behind Bucky’s eyelids. It’s still night until he looks; it’s still night, and he doesn’t have to move. But then: a shift, Steve’s head rolling a little where it rests on Bucky’s chest, soft-fine hair rasping against Bucky’s collar bone. A quiet, wet cough. And Bucky opens his eyes.

Love in an Elevator | 3,785 | leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) / @leveragehunters

Summary: Bucky wanted M&Ms. Steve just wanted to go home. Neither wanted to get stuck in an elevator. (Warning: may contain traces of peanuts, banter, and some fluff.)

The Bucky Barnes Guide to Household Management | 5,506 | CryptoHomoRocker / @feelingsaboutgaysuperheroest

Summary: "Steve doesn't even notice at first, is the thing." Or: Steve is unobservant, Bucky learns to be good at things that aren't killing people, and knitting happens.

Stitch Me Up Right | 5,954 | sirsable

Summary: The Avengers have a new fashion designer and suddenly Bucky has a lot of problems with his suit.

Nailed to the Wall | 645 | Catchclaw

Summary: “Shhhh,” Bucky says for the dozenth time. “If you’re that afraid of getting caught, you should probably keep your mouth shut, huh?”

Snap Him Up | 647 | Catchclaw

Summary: “Rogers, those do nothing for you.”

You're Back | 779 | Catchclaw

Summary: He dreams that he’s spread on Bucky’s fingers. Not the blood and bone ones. The metal ones; the cold, killing kind.

Mistake on the Part of Nature | 1,274 | idiopathicsmile / @idiopathicsmile

Summary: Steve takes in Bucky's betrayed look and Sam's confusion, follows Sam's gaze to the pile of mangled fruit in the trash can. Sudden comprehension fills his face. "Oh," he says. "Bucky found out about bananas."

Resist / Delay / Obstruct | 1,321 | ladivvinatravestia / @ladivvinatravvestia

Summary: Who uses their mug shot as their dating profile pic? Steve Rogers, that’s who.

then we shall need each other | 1,425 | tsunderestorm / @tsunderestorming

Summary: In which Bucky returns to Steve, just not in the way he'd expected.

Phases of the Moon | 2,359 | Catchclaw

Summary: It’s not so much that Steve Rogers is a virgin, it’s that he’s a virgin.

They Say That Time's Supposed to Heal You | 4,939 | untune_the_sky

Summary: The thing they don’t tell you, don’t warn you about, when you make that first connection – when you feel somebody else’s breath in your lungs for the first time – is that it fucking hurts when that’s gone. They don’t warn you, because it’s a difficult thing to comprehend; it’s a difficult thing to understand.

One-Armed Pushups | 5,033 | k8erwaul

Summary: Saw one of those "AU prompt" posts on tumblr and this one stuck out to me as perfectly appropriate for Stucky: “i came to the gym to work out but holy god i can’t stop watching you do one armed push ups that’s so hot” AU

Just let me (kill) love you | 5,041 | Chim / @chim-aceyliz

Summary: The Winter Soldier has a mission: killing Steven Grant Rogers. Too bad the whole universe is getting in his way.

"Lunch" | 5,140 | cleo4u2 / @cleo4u2 & xantissa / @xantissa

Summary: Bucky Barnes, the feared Winter Soldier, is working hard at becoming a person again. He doesn't understand a lot of the modern world, yet, but he Avengers help him with that when they can. They don't always get it right.

Something Fishy | 5,254 | leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) / @leveragehunters

Summary: Steve meets Bucky. Bucky meets Steve. Some things are meant to be. But even when something's meant to be, you might need to work a little to make it happen. (And that's made a tiny bit harder when your universe, out of all the infinite multiverse, managed to get things so completely mixed-up.)

When You Come Home | 5,978 | unicornpoe

Summary: “Nice to meet you, Bucky,” says Steve. He lets go of Bucky’s hand, and it doesn’t feel like a retreat, but it does feel like a promise: like the end of a sentence left uncapped, hanging there for one of them to finish later. There’s a cold wind blowing, but Bucky feels warm. “Please don’t try to come in here,” Bucky says. “There are alien corpses. It’s really gross, and really dangerous.” “Alright,” Steve says, and he’s not quite laughing aloud, but one lingers in the corners of his smile, in the way his blue eyes brighten.

special delivery | 6,049 | glim

Summary: It's not that Steve's bad at taking care of himself when he gets sick; he just wishes he didn't have to all the time. At least he can order most of what he needs online. That's some small comfort, that he can have soup and ice cream and everything else brought to his door.

asthma attacks, fire escapes, and chai | 6,657 | beemotionpicture / @beemotionpicture

Summary: It happens because of his asthma of all things. As soon as he feels short of breath he starts rooting through his messenger bag for his inhaler. Steve has a moment to think aha! and then fuck, before he's losing his grip on the thing and it’s skidding across the pavement and into an alleyway. He freezes when he realizes he’s not alone. Steve hears a muffled sound coming from behind the dumpster, but that’s not what makes him look; no, it’s the metallic scent in the air which, with a creeping feeling of dread, he hopes isn’t blood. He looks. It’s blood. And there’s a man sitting right in a puddle of it, leaning heavily against the brick wall and clutching his side with a metal hand.

re(dis)covery | 7,024 | glim

Summary: Wherein Bucky Barnes, SHIELD operative, discovers he has feelings for the nurse down in medbay and rediscovers a few more things about himself along the way.

Blind Date | 8,294 | AggressiveWhenStartled & quietnight / @quietnighty

Summary: “I just had the best idea I have ever had in my life,” Bucky said, punching straight through a doombot with his metal hand and clutching the napkin with Steve’s phone number in the other. The formerly (somewhat) dark and peaceful corner of Central Park was now lit up with energy beams, flashing robotic lights, and panicked astronomy buffs running for cover. Oh well, it wasn't like they'd been going to see many stars what with all the Christmas shit everywhere. “The bar you are setting for that is not high,” Natasha told him over the coms.

Brooklyn | 8,749 | togina / @toli-a

Summary: "Captain America, what's your stance on gay marriage?" Everyone knows that, by now. Everyone but Bucky.

Here comes the feeling you thought you'd forgotten | 8,946 | bangyababy / @bangyababy

Summary: So he eats his cake and sips his coffee, occasionally glancing up from his phone to Steve. If Steve sees him he’ll give him a little smile, which he tries to return, but judging from the look on Steve’s face, it’s probably not working. Still, Steve doesn’t stop smiling at him. It makes him feel almost…real. Today, he thinks, he can be James. Recently escaped from Hydra, the Winter Soldier stumbles into a bakery where he meets the worker, Steve. Being around Steve helps him remember things about his past, makes him feel a little more like a person, so he keeps coming back.

The Long Road to Lynbrook | 9,306 | monicawoe / @monicawoe

Summary: Six years ago, Bucky left the hamlet of Lynbrook to battle against the Knights of Hydra. Steve has missed him ever since, and refuses to believe he's dead. One night, Steve finds a frog at the well— a frog with one metal arm.

Breadth Requirements | 9,438 | SkyisGray / @skyisgray

Summary: Steve's never met his Psych TA in person, but he's a little obsessed with their snarky, flirty email conversations. Steve's never made any headway with the hot guy who sits in front of him in Psych, but he's a little obsessed with his mouth.

if you keep reaching out (then i'll keep coming back) | 10,517 | unicornpoe

Summary: “Do you mind if I work a little, Bucky?” He says Bucky’s name as often as Bucky says Steve’s, like maybe he likes the feel of it, the music of it—like maybe it’s at the top of his list, too. He’s using strong-looking hands to pick up the satchel he’d been carrying when he came over, lifting it up and sitting it on his lap. “I’m an artist, and I’ve got a couple commissions I hafta finish up here soon.” Artist. Of course he is. “I don’t mind,” Bucky says. He doesn’t. He likes the idea of sitting across from Steve while he works, sipping his coffee, finishing the book he was reading, and maybe looking up and meeting Steve’s eyes every now and again. His shock-blue eyes. His eyes framed with golden lashes, like seagrass. The Winter Soldier, and a man made of spun-strong gold.

Wrap Battle | 10,604 | GoodbyeBlues

Summary: "Hey, fuckface!" Steve called out after him. "What name do I put on the order?" The man stopped short, turning and looking at Steve from under a cocked brow. "Do you talk to all of your customers this way?" "Yes," Steve nodded. It was the truth. The man grinned, his straight white teeth flashing and the creases framing his eyes deepening with the motion as he continued to gaze unflinchingly at Steve. "You can call me Bucky."

Nokken Wood | 10,616 | leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) / @leveragehunters

Summary: When Sam's friend needs a house-sitter for his place in the country, Steve jumps at the chance. Six months rent-free to do nothing but draw and paint and wander the countryside, looking for inspiration? It was like a dream. But when he gets lost in a storm and nearly falls into a pond he starts to rethink the whole like a dream aspect of life in the country. And when a red-eyed, sharp-clawed, silver-fanged creature rises out of the darkness, Steve is one hundred percent certain the dream's morphed into a nightmare. ...until it gives him a cup of tea.

miles to go before i sleep | 11,910 | Avelera / @avelera

Summary: Steve finds Bucky outside of the Smithsonian and invites him home.

Under the Skin | 18,447 | leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) / @leveragehunters

Summary: "Brooklyn, like I said," he replied, taking Steve's hand and shaking it, then he paused, tilted his head, and said, "Actually, since you're staff? It's Bucky." "Bucky," Steve repeated, feeling oddly touched. "Always Brooklyn in front of the clients, though," he added seriously. "No, of course," Steve promised. "Good to meet you." "You too," he said, glancing down to where Steve was still holding his hand. Steve let go with a sheepish smile. "Sorry." Working in a brothel wasn't somewhere Steve ever expected to find himself, but then he'd never expected to quit his shitty corporate hell-job to apprentice as a tattoo artist. Great as it was, his apprenticeship didn't come with a pay cheque, so eating and keeping a roof over his head meant finding a job that paid actual money. Which was how he'd ended up as the night receptionist in a brothel, accidentally holding Bucky's hand, with no idea Bucky was going to turn out to be something else he'd never expected.

Decoys | 19,540 | littlerhymes / @popliar

Summary: The serum makes Steve stronger, but not bigger. Instead of a superhero, he becomes a spy.

Something New, Something Gold | 20,385 | Nonymos

Summary: Bucky Barnes, retired black-ops operative and Archeology professor, spends a long weekend in the Brazilian rainforest toying with his own mortality and puzzling over the mystery of Steve Rogers. (Also, like, the lost city of El Dorado. But seriously, Steve Rogers.)

The Day the World Went Away | 21,323 | 74days / @74days

Summary: Bucky Barnes has survived the Virus that devastated the world, leaving him road-tripping over America dodging violent gangs and trying to get through another year. When he manages to find a radio station still broadcasting, he's not aware that the voice on the other side of the country will soon become the driving force behind his actions.

This Side | 35,321 | orphan_account

Summary: Bucky Barnes restores antiques for a living. Steve Rogers saves the world. Bucky has no reason to believe their paths will ever cross, right up until they do.

Graphology | 55,177 | leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) / @leveragehunters

Summary: "Steven Grant Rogers," a voice said from somewhere near Steve's front door. "Professional inker. Maybe you'd like to explain why you're leaving us messages about our good friend Bucky?" The redhead currently pinning Steve to the couch said, "Really?" "Alright, her good friend Bucky. My tolerated friend Bucky." "My phone's on the table," Steve ground out. "Grab it, have a look at the last picture." The guy grabbed it, and his obvious double-take would have been funny if Steve wasn't being crushed into his couch. He held it out and the redhead peered at it. "It could be fake." "That's right," Steve said, digging down for all the sarcasm that existed in his skinny body. "I scribbled all over my own thighs and took a photo so I could lure a pair of hostile weirdos to my apartment. That's how I enjoy spending my time." "You know what this means, right?" the guy said, sounding deeply bemused. "Bucky has a soulmate.

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[suguru-getos]

| unwind with me | itachi x reader |

a/n: i’m a sucker for domestic itachiiii <333 fluff and just, slice of life thingy goin’ on

living together with itachi had its perks. you didn’t have to worry about taking the trash out. you didn’t have to worry about a lot of little things which otherwise irritated you. take today for example: you have had a truly hectic week. meetings, appraisals, work politics, a certain bitch you hate and want to kill. everything was coming together hauntingly. so? saturday you didn’t do anything. being the epitome of a couch potato suits you sometimes. especially when those sometimes include your period.

today your eyes opened to an annoying nuisance. your period cramps again. itachi came to you, a huge mug of iced latte in his painted hands, nudging you tenderly and kissing your forehead. “good morning, you are up early today. yesterday you woke up at 11:45. look, it’s just 10:30” he winked, watching you roll your eyes at him. itachi had a subtle way of teasing you & you fairly understood that.

the coffee tasted immaculate. you had no words to express how tasty it was honestly. just the right amount of coldness, the kind that wakes you up soothingly. the perfect amount of chocolate & caramel. the perfect amount of crushed ice. you looked around the house & decided while sipping your morning drink, today you needed to be productive.

“m’ gonna open my laptop & then play games. after that m’ taking a shower and we’ll go out.” oh— itachi was ‘also’ your boyfriend. makes sense doesn’t it? why else would he treat you like a princess when he could’ve been labelled as king ‘aloof’.

“you will take a shower, work out a bit because it’s been 4 days you haven’t moved your body. i suggest pilates since you are still on your period. then, i will help you cook something for lunch. and further on; we will go out.” you always loved when itachi had his little planner instinct come out for you. there are times when you could really use that.

with that, the day was starting to go by with a slight haze. you had tasks lined up where you’d rather not think. give your mind a little rest by being in the backseat & let your boyfriend handle the itty bitty bits about that all. “speaking of, i need to get my nails done,” you sat on the kitchen counter, watching… or rather, gawking at your man chopping vegetables with such ease. “uh huh?” he looked rather indulged, the bun accentuated his features which would make van gogh bow.

he leaned in, gently placing himself between your legs and kissing your lips softly, hands freshly washed and scared to touch your supple skin. “i love you, angel,” itachi cooed, leaning his forehead against you. “i am so, so glad you depend on me you know that? because you don’t depend on anyone else & that’s what makes me strive so hard to be worthy of it,”

there he was, with his unadulterated words, piercing them deep inside your heart. your pupils shaked in sheer adoration, eyes glossing up. “m’ on my period dya wan’ me to fuckin’ cry?” you whined, leaning your head against his shoulder and hugging him.

he felt so warm, tenderly warm and caregiving that you often forgot that the world doesn’t know, or see this side of him. he’s ruthless to others, often labelled as cold. a twisted part of you likes it. you are exclusive to his love. you’d always be.

“alright now, i want you to eat, then how about,” itachi bit his lower lip, “we do some self care and i prepare us the cosiest haven for watching movies together,” you were introverted & your boyfriend reciprocates the same energy.

“deal!” you grinned, helping him prepare the rest of the ingredients.

little did you know that today was going to be even more special, it’s about time you were just his girlfriend. itachi has something rather too special to share with you tonight. 💍

[cas-backwards-tie]

Chapter Three: Fate Rewritten

The Missing Title

Helmut Zemo x Reader

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Summary: After bumping into Sharon, you're escorted back to her apartment in High-Town. What lies in wait is way more than you'd anticipated in store for your night.

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: Partying, Alcohol, Power Dynamics, Semi-Smutty, Inferences toward sex, Age Gap

Mentions of: Government, Betrayal, Treason, Hypocrisy, Grief

A/N: I've been waiting so long to get to this part! Ahhh, I feel like this is really when things will start to change, considering the reader's backstory and her growing relationships with the guys. Not to mention that some of the main plot points are finally being set in motion. I decided to not fully wind up writing them together since the chapter got so long, but I'm sure it'll def pop up in flashbacks later on down the line.

It's safe to say that you're more than a little out of it by the time you guys get into Sharon's vehicle. She insists on driving, and the guys need a good view of Zemo to make sure he's in check. That leaves the three of you in the back: Sam, you, and Bucky. As your journey takes you back a similar way you'd come, you can't help but still be fascinated with the lights. What's Sharon got in store for you all? What's her plan? While you're not super familiar with her, you wonder what she was doing in Low Town Madripoor in the first place. Surely, she hasn't been following you all this whole time.

Once she parks outside a luxury-style apartment, you follow Sam out the back door and follow Sharon into her place. "Woah," you whisper, taking in the fact that not only one security guard--slash--doorman stands out front, but two. Through a big metal sliding door lies an art exhibit, glass containers lined with neon blue lights illuminate different sculptures and craftsmanship. Real antique and pricey-looking things.

"Looks like breaking all those laws is treating you well," Sam comments as he walks beside Sharon alongside the containers. Whatever she'd been going through when you'd first had your run-in has clearly dissipated as she seems to come to life upon Sam's teasing.

"Well, at some point I thought if I had to hustle, might as well enjoy the life of a real hustler. You know how much I can get for a real Monet?" She asks, gesticulating with her arms as she explains her situation. While Zemo lingers a few steps behind you with Bucky trailing, you can't help but slow your steps upon this information.

"Easy, deactivate your hustle mode," Sam warns, "You sell fake Monets." He wants to clarify. While Sharon might pretend to allude to a profited criminal life such as Zemo, Sam clearly thinks she's a goodie-two-shoes.

"No, she means real. This gallery specializes in stolen artwork. Monet. Van Gogh. Classics," Zemo explains nonchalantly as he follows Sharon, continuing to round the exhibit.

"So it's true then? What they say..." You ask them, eyes shifting from Zemo onto Sharon, then finally Bucky who stands a few feet before you while Sam occupies the space by your side.

"It's true. You know, half the artwork in museums like the Louvre is fake. Real stuff sits in places like this," Bucky answers, eyes still taking in the pastel-dotted canvas.

"There's no way," you whisper to yourself, voice trailing off as you take in the scenery. Heading down the two steps, you approach Bucky's side, eyes scanning over the Monet painting before you. You've seen his other works in museums, though now you know they were fakes. Regardless, you don't think you'd be able to tell the difference.

"Okay, guys, I see what you're doing. You're more worldly than good old Sam," your friend complains, still stationed where you stood a few moments ago.

"Yeah? What's Google say?" Bucky asks, a playful tone curling around his words as he physically rounds Sam. This elicits your attention as you shift your gaze onto Sam, glad he's now enlightened onto the, well... not-so theory of conspiracy you and Bucky both seem to know about.

"No shit," Sam exclaims, clearly bewildered by the thought. In all honesty, you can't blame him. To think people would do something so greedy and frivolous? Useless? It takes seeing it firsthand to really believe, and it seems Sam's eyes are finally opening to that aspect.

"Come on, guys-" Sharon calls from the stairs, Zemo waiting a few steps behind her as they stare in your general direction. "You need to change. I'm hosting clients in an hour," She informs.

While you don't question her, you are curious as to what sort of clients and business she does... besides selling art, that is. There's a world of art, of course, yet you know that there's only so much a lifestyle of it can afford. Following the group upstairs, you're taken aback by the fact that this whole place is starting to seem like Sharon's.

"Of course, I've got all this stuff out here for you guys-" Sharon eyes the men, "-but I've got a few things you can borrow for tonight. Come with me," she commands.

Following Sharon through a series of archways and pristine doors you find yourself in a massive bedroom. Intricate patterns are embroidered on the comforter, and through an open doorway, you can see that there's a walk-in closet. It's precisely where she's led you, her hands gesturing for you to follow. "I know. Nice right? Every girl needs a walk-in," she comments before chuckling to herself.

Taken aback by the wide array of shoes on the shelves, purses on hangars, coats, dresses, pants, and shirts all hang neatly in their place, their own rack for each category of piece. Though you aren't sure where to even start, let alone if you even want to. Everything is too expensive, you couldn't possibly use them. Sharon speaks up.

Her fingers run across the fabric, only stopping once she spots something, though her back is to you and therefore your view is obscured. "Try this on, I have the shoes to go with them and together? I'm sure you'll have a great night!" She says over her shoulder before winking. With a quick hand she tosses the hangar to you, which you scramble to catch. "I'll see you downstairs, then."

The dress is a plain black fabric, a halter top cut, two slits on either side of your hips at the start of your thighs. It's a little more exposing than what Zemo had picked, though with everything that's happened tonight, you feel for some reason that you can't bring yourself to care. If someone sees something, it's not like it's the end of the world. Besides, with this dress you could wear a thong or panties. Though the panties would have to be matching or sexy, intentionally meant to be seen as a fashion statement. Deciding to just go for the dress, no bra needed and your panties already discarded, you're glad for the comfy snug fit the fabric offers. It's far more stretchy and accommodating than Zemo's. The shoes you have on work, the only thing left to do is to put your hair up. Finding a claw clip on Sharon's vanity, you figure she won't mind if you borrow it for tonight. After all, it's a lot less intimate than a dress.

With a wet wipe from the bathroom, you're all good to go. Makeup is natural enough to pass as anyone, hair is different, so is your dress, and while the shoes may not be, with the darkness of the gallery you're sure no one will notice. Especially not if there's going to be drinking; and no good party lacks a variety of drink. Heading back to the foyer Sharon had originally brought you to, you find the guys settling in nicely.

Taking in the intricate pieces placed throughout the room, you inspect each one carefully. "Much better," Sharon comments, heels clicking against the wooden floors announcing her return.

"What's going on, Sharon? You don't ever wanna come back home?" Sam asks. The shuffle of fabric and the faint tinkling of metal tells you he's changing his shirt again! Trying to find something suitable for him is practically impossible, and this, you swear. Out of your peripheral vision, you see Sharon place something on the arm of the couch while Zemo stands by the bar.

"They'll lock me up if I ever step foot back in the States. Madripoor doesn't allow extradition," She informs.

"Good to know," you joke to yourself. Fingers running along the smooth wood of the desk behind the couch, you don't notice how the comment seems to have everyone's eyes lingering on you for a moment before Sam chuckles and shakes his head.

"Look, sorry I didn't call, but after the Blip and the chaos, I just..." He attempts. This piques your interest, not initially intent on eavesdropping, though this sounds like something a lover might say. Did Sam and Sharon-? You don't wanna know... do you?

"Look, you know the whole hero thing is a joke, right?" Her tone softens, a genuine question reaching out to form some sort of connection. An attempt to regain a friendship, you think. "I mean the way you gave up that shield, deep down you must know it's all hypocrisy."

Eyes rising from the necklace displayed by the clothes rack, your eyebrows furrow in surprise. Wasn't Sharon CIA? To join the government so outright, then denounce it only a few years later? Something's fishy about it and eerie in a way you don't like. Even if what she's saying elicits a subconscious subtle nod of your head.

"He knows. And not so deep down," Zemo comments with a raise of his drink. This garners everyone's attention for a moment. You can't help but stare as you linger on him. Curious... Questioning.

"By the way, how is the new Cap?" Sharon asks, hands in her pockets. You aren't CIA by any means, but you know how to read body language. She's clearly got her guard up, but for what? You're not sure.

"Don't get me started," Bucky groans.

"Please, you buy into all that stars and stripes bullshit," Sharon argues. You round the room, peeking through the windowed panes of the glass doors into surrounding rooms to see what goodies lie there. If the rooms you've seen so far are anything to go by, you're sure the rest of the apartment complex is loaded with treasures. "Before you were his pet psychopath-" it doesn't take looking to know she's referring to Zemo, considering her positioning and emphasis, "-you were Mr. America! Cap's best friend."

Although you don't comment, you can't help the way your lips curl inward in a silent attempt at holding back any sort of chortle or chuckle from emerging.

"Wow. She's kind of awful now," Bucky comments. While you might guess he may be joking sarcastically, you can't be sure. Is he just insulting her? Being passive-aggressive? You can't tell.

"Karli Morgenthau and at least seven others have taken the serum," Sam informs, passing you as he rounds the couch the other way and sits across from Bucky.

"You guys really should steer clear of all this for your own safety," Sharon warns. Being in Madripoor and clearly in a position of wealth and selling artwork underground, she must know the rumors.

"We know it's a risk, but we won't leave until we find the person who cracked the code," Sam responds, unfazed and defiant of her advice. Elbows on his knees he leans in closer.

"We got a name. Wilfred Nagel," Bucky discloses. Sharon gets up and crosses Bucky to get to the bar, Zemo gets out of her way and walks toward you to sit in the lone chair by the side table.

"Nagel works for the Power Broker," Sharon replies. A dissatisfied hum rumbles in your chest. You don't want to think about the past, nor worry about how you're going to find the Power Broker to stop the supplier.

"We need your help, Sharon. I can get your name cleared," Sam offers, all the men's eyes intent on her as she pours a drink. Fingers running over the edge of a tapestry hung on the opposite wall, you listen intently.

"You haggling with my life?" She asks, tone sounding genuine to you.

"Not like that," Sam corrects.

"I don't buy that," She responds, and really, you can't blame her. "You pretending like you can clear my name."

You have to admit that Sharon is starting to grow on you in some sense. She's smart, that much is clear. While you don't outwardly boast the things you know will be demonized, she does, and you can respect her for that, if anything. Though you haven't weighed in much, you've been listening. Of course everyone has their judgments and suspicions, and while you may be leaping to conclusions, there's a fishy suspicion brewing in your mind. You only wonder if anyone else is catching onto what Sharon is putting down. Eyes flickering over to Zemo for a moment, you notice him meet your gaze. Immediately looking back to Sharon, you can't help the tiny smile that snags at your lips, blush forming on your cheeks. Originally intending to gather intel, for some reason you couldn't handle the pressure of his gaze.

"-I'm willing to try if you are," you zone back in on what they're saying. "They cleared the bionic staring machine, and he killed almost everybody he's met," Sam points out. A chuckle escapes your lips and you shrink in on yourself, not having expected that.

"-I heard that," Bucky comments to Sam, though his eyes and dissatisfied look are aimed at you. You don't even have to see it from your peripheral to feel his stare, the sense of it sending an internal sort of shiver down your spine.

"I don't trust charity," Sharon posits, intent on finishing their conversation.

"All right, a deal then. You help us out, and we get your name cleared." Sharon accepts Sam's extended hand and they shake on it. Downing her drink, she places the used tumbler aside and starts toward the door you'd entered from.

"Well, I sell to some pretty connected people. Lay low, blend in, enjoy the party. Try to stay outta trouble. I'll see what I can find." With that, she's out of the foyer and onto whatever business it is that she's doing.

"Trouble," Zemo repeats playfully with a shrug of his shoulders, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Yeah, that's what you better not be," you warn. Eyes meeting his, you can't help but find that his playfulness has spread to you, even if you know you can switch into gear and act in accordance with the mission if need be.

"Well, you know me," Zemo taunts. With a swig of his drink, he lays the finished glass atop the coaster on the table beside his chair.

"That's the problem," Bucky quips, standing as Zemo moves to follow where Sharon had gone.

--------

You have to admit, with wherever Sharon stands in your likes, she can throw a good party... that much is clear. Originally determined to view all the authentic art pieces lingering around the gallery, it hadn't actually taken as long as you'd have thought. With a drink or two offered along the way, you can feel yourself start to loosen up. Hors d'oeuvres are littered throughout the party, and with Sharon being such the great hostess, you hardly feel the usual sense of guilt for indulging when it comes to fancy parties. It also doesn't help that they're really good and you hadn't eaten a lot, really, since Zemo's jet was scarce of in-date snacks. Eating expired foods wasn't really a risk you were willing to participate in today.

As the night goes on you find your way to the dance floor after a little persuasion from Sam. While you all might still be focused on your mission, the excuse of blending in is one of necessity. It's not really a party if there isn't dancing, right? The Avenger eventually decides to ditch you in favor of making small talk with some of the other partygoers. He's most likely trying to seek information, knowing him.

Dancing with Sam was different than dancing with Zemo. You hadn't anticipated for this to happen, but considering he's maintained a central viewpoint for the boys, that just so happens to be the dance floor. He's discarded his jacket at some point clearly as his chest is in full display in the plum sweater he's donning. It'd started off friendly, simply busting out your lamest dance moves for fun in the same vicinity. Yet, as the songs played on and you grew closer in distance to make conversation, the vibe between you shifted.

There's a reason they say not to mix drinks... and now you know why. It takes a matter of a half hour for your resolve to break, the inner dialogue, the constant fighting of the comical angel and demon on either shoulder bickering with one another. Overall, the devil had won- there was no use in denying what you want, that you have a plan, and are pursuing it. You're going after what you want. Using any chance to get closer, any excuse to feel his hands on you. the recent memory of his hot breath fanning across your neck, the spark when your lips met... it's still heavy on your mind and hot in your blood.

"You should know this one," you joke across the few feet between you as you sway to the music, the beat of the music ramping up, the bass and beats getting faster and faster toward that familiar climax you all know so well. 'There's not a soul out there-' bouncing to the rhythm, you let your hips sway as your arms find their way above your head.

'Give Me,

Give Me,

Give Me A Man After Midnight~'

It's a remix, the techno music is very different from the original, however, you can't deny you enjoy the song. It's fitting if nothing else. If anyone were to ask why you want this, you couldn't explain it--not rationally--and looks aren't a good enough reason, you know that better than anyone. While there are certain characteristics that could be said of his mannerisms and personality, you wouldn't dare to compliment or lead to the ego of a madman overextending its peace. Many would argue it already had, after all.

He doesn't seem to mind either. Whether you're simply keeping up the act, even if it's unnecessary here, you both find yourselves indulging in the ambiance around you. Breath heavy with the adrenaline of dancing and the higher temperature of lots of bodies on the dance floor, you're being bumped and jostled by the people around you. His hand extends at some point, loosely wrapping around your waist as the two of you draw nearer to one another. Over all, it's safe to say that Sharon may just have predicted your 'great night'.

As it draws closer to the wee hours of the morning, Sam makes his way around to advise you all of making it an early night. Tomorrow is supposed to be busy, so it makes sense. While the four of you head upstairs in a staggered manner, you find that once you're changed and sat on the bed that you still don't feel ready to officially end the night. Eyes drawn to the red dress and accompanying apparel you'd borrowed earlier, you can't help the thoughts that follow. However lewd they may be, it doesn't stop your mind from drawing up a vague plan.

Part of you knows it's a bad idea, that you shouldn't do this, but then again... what's the worse it could lead to? A one night stand? There's no reason that leads you to believe, rationally, that any of the same thoughts are going through his head at all. Therefore, you continue your trapse down the hallway. The wooden floors creak every so often, and you don't miss the way that Sam's clicking fingers on the keyboard come to a momentary halt before returning to its previous pace. It'd go unnoticed if you didn't know better, but you know he's well aware of your presence, just as you are of his.

You'd already thought this through--the excuse--the lie. It's a shame, really, to have to lie to a friend whom you love dearly... yet, you know there's no telling the truth in this circumstance. Yet, there is... isn't there? After all, you know it'd be taking a play from Zemo's book, you're sure, no doubt, but anyone who's smart knows that all lies hold some semblance of the truth. Hence, your excuse; smooth and comforting material weighing your hands down by your stomach, you're about to walk past the back of the couch when his soft voice stops you.

"You're going to visit him?" It's a reasonable question, a check-in. Something to note, since, he is a criminal... a dangerous person. Someone to be kept in check. Unpredictable, as they'd said.

"Just returning these," you answer, lifting the bundle of clothing and the accessories of your disguise for Sam's viewing.

"I'm sure he could care less, but, by all means-" Sam extends his hand in the direction of the hallway. "If he tries anything-"

"-call out, I got it. I'm only planning on dropping this off. Maybe asking him something if he's up for conversation. But it shouldn't be too long. Don't worry," you attempt to reassure him. "You should get some sleep soon, too, you know? Especially if we're to do this in the morning," you shift the topic, intent on reminding him of what you hope is tiredness showing, even if the bags under his eyes grow heavier with the hours.

With a nod in your direction, Sam lets his attention drift back to the computer screen, intent on whatever work it is he has waiting within the digital world. Though you'd like to say this relieves you, lifts a burden from your shoulder, it only makes the weight on them sink further into you. Whether it's dread, guilt, or shame at all of the incredulous scenarios that run through your mind in possible what-ifs of the conversation to play out between you and the Baron, you can't do anything but shake your head in an attempt to dissuade them. Bare feet padding across the wooden floor, you notice how the dim light that peeks from under the door gives your heart a reason to speed up. Really, its the realization that you've never truly been alone with this man since you've met. The rumors, perhaps, the danger they claim he holds... the possibility of a supposed madman snapping at any point is equal parts exhilarating and yet, still terrifying. At least when you let yourself truly contemplate this fact.

With a hesitancy at the door, you lift your small fist up to the carved oak, lingering... debating. While you'd thought all resolve had fled the moments after you'd downed your fifth shot... the buzz of alcohol has long since seemed to dwindle away from your mind, the accelerating carefree feeling emptied from your veins and replaced by the cautiousness of someone who Sam would tease is entirely, all you. Determined to defy the limits of the box your closest friends place you in for one reason or another, you gently knock on the door.

There's no response. Something you'd expect, if not for the way that there's a shuffle of fabric and then a sigh on the other side. "Come in." Cold golden ornate knob within your grasp, you turn it and push the heavy door open enough for you to slip inside before quietly closing it behind you.

"Hi." It's the first word that comes to mind, the only thing you can think to say, to break the silence between you as he takes in your bare goosebump-riddled legs and the satin robe you have on.

"Hello," he returns the sentiment, unmoving from his position, torso upright against the headboard as he lies in bed, legs outstretched before him. "What a surprise to see you, Schön. Though I should've guessed from the light footsteps and quiet knock. James would certainly not allow me a moment of privacy, nor Sam." Sitting up a little straighter, his hands clasp in his lap. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Swallowing your shyness, as you can't simply stare at him forever--that'd be far too embarrassing--you lift your arms a bit for emphasis. "I thought I would return these to you." There's a wooden chair with a striped pattern of cloth covering the cushiony seat standing by the vanity. That's where you place the pile of folded clothing and shoes. Although you're no longer facing him, you can feel his gaze lingering on your figure. When you turn around again, he has his head tilted, no doubt thinking about something.

"You can keep the clothes, Schön, I don't need them back. However, I'm sure you knew that. Why are you really here?" He questions.

"What if I really was just here to return the clothing?" You offer, mirroring him unconsciously with a little tilt of your own head.

"Then I'd say you're courteous, and ask how you liked the outfit I picked out for you," he retorts. Even from across the room, you can spot a flicker of something within his irises. Whether he's playing with you, toying with you, or testing you, you're unsure. This question, however, puts you on the spot. A bemused smile graces your lips and you don't try to hide it. Taking in his state of wealth, you decide not to comment on how expensive you thought everything was, as you'd rather not know. It's better to play on his level.

"I... thought it was very nice. Not something I'd normally wear, but for a nice evening out, I think it was a good pick. The shoes were cool, the gems on the back," you recount.

"The color suited you wonderfully. Brought out your features, just as I'd predicted," he comments with a somewhat smug look upon his face. Seemingly half-placated with the notion, though there's still something gnawing at the seams of his resolve. "There's another reason you're here, whether you're willing to admit it or not." This is a test, you're well aware.

"Mmm," the hum leaves your lips before you can even begin to think of a retort. Turning on your spot, you can't help but run your fingers along the carved wooden back of the chair, walking your fingers along it and taking a step further into the room as you think. "Am I?" You stop moving, offering a look in his direction. "What if I said that you intrigue me? That I wanted to ask you how you do it?" You posit.

Tongue sneaking out to wet his lips, the Baron listens intently. Though he silently chuckles to himself at you returning his question with another question, the second half of your thoughts elicit a narrowing of his eyes. This notion has caused pause for his own thought. "Do... what, Schatz?" He plays along, subconsciously leaning a little closer despite being across the room.

Though the various thoughts and moments from tonight race across your mind, there's one theme that you can't bear to continue reliving. One thought, one realization that you know will have you getting nowhere in the coming days. Jaw threatening to clench down on itself, you can't help but sigh as your hands ball up into fists by your sides. "I... tonight, I just noticed how... in every instance, no matter what seemed to be going on, you... didn't seem scared. Like nothing fazed you," it comes out a whisper. Those final words. Though you'd been trying to search for the right words, everything came out how it wanted to, yet in the end you couldn't help but whisper the truth. It seemed like nothing fazed him. Meanwhile you... were downright terrified. Scared in a way no one has made you feel. Ever. And the worst of it is that you know it's not over. Tomorrow you will get up, alongside the rest of your friends and acquaintances and get geared up and ready to face a man who's only haunted your past.

"Oh..." Zemo responds, your name falling off his lips as if you were simply a child, a silly girl that he feels pity for. Something shifted in his demeanor by the time you finally raise your eyes to meet him again, not sure when you had dropped your vision to the floor. Possibly too embarrassed to admit the truth.

It's this moment... that's when things changed, you think. Time settles in the space between you, the air thick and heavy with confusion and a cluster of effervescent emotions bubbling up and out of you both into the air, a swirling and confusing domination of raw emotion. There's no denying what's there; the truth, the matter of your age held right before you in time like a reflection of your souls. While you'd both endured a heaviness of trauma encumbered in your life time and time again, there's no denying that he's the older man, that he's experienced more... seen more, done more, lived more. And you... well, let's save the stereotype for literature digests, will you?

"Don't-" you warn, the rise of embarrassment hitting you like a brick wall as you begin to march toward the door with a speed that leaves him in a whirlwind. What surprises you both, however, is the way that as soon as your hand is reaching for the doorknob, his is roughly placed atop it. His hand effectively trapping yours underneath. You hadn't even heard him get up, yet you can feel the heat coming off his body only inches away.

"Come," he beckons, "listen." With gentle hands he peels yours away from the knob as he guides you over to the side of the bed, simply sitting. A pat of his free hand on the empty space beside him lets you know what he wants. Really, you'd want it too... if it weren't for the conflicting emotions in your stomach making you want to tear up.

He seems to pick up on your hesitance as he stands once more, hands tentatively moving to ghost over your shoulders, tacitly asking for your permission. When you don't push him away, he places them on you, hands encompassing your satin-covered shoulders. "You have to understand, Meine Süße," he starts, voice holding a softer tone than you've ever heard him use. "I joined my country's military as soon as I was eligible. From the time I was a recruit to the time I eventually became a Colonel..." Zemo sighs as he tears his gaze from you, the motion eliciting your gaze on him in turn. "The point is, I have been through more, seen more, than you and anyone will ever know. And despite my training, the truth still remains... disregarded by most."

Soft hand sliding down your shoulder to your wrist, his long fingers gently wrap around it as he guides you toward the bed. Sitting, you follow suit beside him, shoulder to shoulder as his arm winds its way around your shoulder. "As I see it, there is only reason to be afraid of death if one feels they have something left to live for. Would you agree?" While speaking you'd noticed his gaze, even if no longer stationed on you, become more far off and glazed over. As you silently ponder on his words, his eyes find your face, gauging you no doubt.

"Yeah, I suppose so... though are you saying you don't have anything left to live for?" You prod, eyes shifting between his as you attempt to read him, the two of you finally making eye contact once more.

"I did, once, yes. Though your friends would most likely also claim my recklessness only provides evidence for this theory," he answers. Zemo may not mention it explicitly, but you know that he's referring to his family. You'd heard the stories from Sam, the details from Bucky. That's why he tried to destroy the Avengers. Or did, considering the rift he'd created.

"Maybe... but you know that most people would argue that when you don't feel you have a reason to live anymore, that's an opportunity to find a new one, right?" You offer. Brushing your hair behind your ear, your vision drifts from his face toward the wall before you both. "And don't get me wrong. I understand. I do, really... I'd be lying if I said that I felt I had any sort of reason right now, but... I also think there's a certain cynicism in giving up hope. Maybe it's my naivety... my lack of experience in life comparingly... but I believe there's hope for everyone."

He hums in contemplation, "Perhaps." It's the only answer you receive, his eyes still lingering on your face for a moment before he, too, finds his own spot on the wall across from the bed. Neither of you move, still stuck in quiet consideration.

Held safe within his warm arms, there's a relaxation that finds you in the blue. You hadn't anticipated the night going this way, and yet... you wouldn't change it for anything. The answer was unexpected, but you can't deny that you'd gotten an answer. Heart thumping steadily in your chest, you finally take in a deep breath before leaning back just enough to peer up at him from underneath your thick lashes. "Thank you, Zemo," you whisper. There's no reason to be loud, not when the night is so quiet, so still, and there's only so much room between you.

"Helmut," he offers, a slight nod of his head downward in your direction, a squeeze of your hand in reassurance.

"Thank you, Helmut," you repeat, teasing slightly as you use the name he'd offered. An amused smile graces your lips and his grip on you loosens, glad to see you're no longer feeling beaten down. Unbeknownst to the both of you, while his grip has loosened, the distance between you is increasingly closing. In a matter of seconds, you can't help but jump off the ledge you'd been teetering off all night long- diving into the ocean that is Helmut.

Pressing your lips to his gently, the shocked gasp that resonates through his closed mouth easily turns into a hum as he returns the kiss, then draws out into a growl as his hand roughly finds your cheek, gripping it tightly with a desperate need. A whimper involuntarily leaves your throat as this happens, unsure what you've unearthed. Slowly forcing himself to pull away, his forehead rests against yours as you both breathe deeply, in need of the oxygen that streams into your lungs and filters through your blood. "Why?"

It's a question you hadn't anticipated receiving from him. An answer that you weren't prepared to give. Even if you both knew of the inklings and sparks that'd been building and dancing around you all night. "Because you were right," an airy laugh echoes in the space between you, "earlier. I did want something else, even if I wanted this, too." A smile stretches upon your lips, and the contagion spreads, Helmut mirroring it as an amused smile of his own tugs at the corners of his lips. The moment is short; a brushing of your noses against one another as you breathe in the same light-hearted air. Each of you tempting the other to be the first to lean in and capture a kiss from the other. Some unspoken instinctual game, perhaps.

Lips darting in for another peck, you're not surprised when his hand moves from cupping your cheek to rounding your head in search of a hold, a grasp of some sort. His hand winds into your hair, fingers gripping it tenderly. Pulling you in with his lips, he draws back, making you careen after him in search of his lips. Yet the instant he lies back, hands moving mindlessly down to your hips to help you straddle him and stay steady, the spark is interrupted. Helmut lies on the bed, a look crossing his face that leaves you knowing.

How can one read a stranger like they're a book they'd left open on a coffee table, passed by dozens of times? The heat where your clothed sex meet his undeniable erection. a spark sated in nips and kisses you'd been teasing each other with all night, yet there's something unsaid. "We don't have to," you voice it. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to." The hand that's not secured on his chest and holding you up runs down the front of his robe, the thick and cozy material running beneath your fingertips.

"I want to..." his voice trails off, "I just..."

"Don't want to offend her. I understand," you answer for him. Lips pursing into a thin line, the upward tilt of the inner corners of your eyebrows betray that semblance, showing your empathy. Even if to him it might appear as some sort of pity. "Though... if I may?" You inquire.

"You may," he encourages, curious to hear your thoughts. Warm splayed hands lie on your thinly robed hips keeping you steady and preventing you from grinding down on him and teasing further, even if you aren't presently doing so. A precaution, nonetheless.

"I know I didn't know her, and I've only heard a little, but... if there's anything I can say, I'd think she'd want you to be happy." The sentiment lingers in the air, and you offer him a saddened smile, quickly intent on clarifying. "And I'm not saying that to get you to sleep with me, I just... I think you should know. If anyone hasn't said it, I think any wife that truly loves her husband would eventually want him to find happiness again. However, it may be."

Silence settles in the air for a moment, and his lack of response elicits a spike of anxiety as you continue to voice your thoughts. "I know it probably doesn't mean anything coming from me, a stranger, but I still do believe in what I said," you chuckle, "and that includes people some may otherwise consider criminal, but... I believe there's hope for you. To find another reason."

"Verdammte Hölle," he curses. One of the hands on your hip squeezes for a moment. "I know," he acknowledges, "I just..."

"Haven't since?" You question, noticing the slight pinch of his brows. It's a guess, a posture in relation to the circumstance you both come from.

"Exactly," he affirms. Searching your eyes, you leave him no room for doubt as you lean down so you're chest to chest.

"Then we'll take it slow. If that's what you want," you reassure him, eyes searching his for some sort of clue into his thoughts.

"Yes, just bear with me, Schatz. It's been a while for me," He reveals, a hint of red tinging his cheeks. Whether it be from blush, embarrassment, or lust, you can only think of how handsome it makes him look in the golden light pouring from the bedside lamp.

"Me too, don't worry," you reassure. Hands resettling themselves on his chest, you both lean in, lips easily finding their way back to one another.

~~~~~~~~

translations:

Schatz = treasure, sweetheart, darling

Schön = lovely, beautiful, nice

Verdammte Hölle = fucking hell.

Meine Süße = my darling, sweet, dear, honey

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic , @moonlightsolo

tmt taglist: @wheres-mylove , @ashy-kit

[lady-pug]

say "night-ie night" and kiss me

Chapter I of Dream a Little Dream of Me

Summary: You keep on visiting a strange town, one you’ve never been to before. You wanted to know more, to know more why you were here and why you kept coming back, so you decide to do some exploring. Maybe you could start with the castle on the outskirts of the town.

Pairing: Morpheus | Dream of the Endless x Reader

Word count: 1,3k

Warnings: none

Notes: This is me trying my hand at writing something with very little dialogue, relying on heavy descriptions. I don’t really know if this is a good strategy, but I ended up liking it a lot so decided to keep it like that. The descriptions are heavily based on Vincent Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’ and ‘Starry Night Over the Rhône’, and also the song ‘Dream a Little Dream of Me’, performed by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

I really hope you, dear reader, enjoy this story, and if you spot any mistakes, please feel free to warn me and I'll correct it right away, and feedback is always welcome and appreciated.

Reader's gender not specified

Next part | Masterlist | Read on AO3

The breeze was soft on your skin. Warm and cold at the same time, enveloping you like a loving embrace. Above your head, the stars shone brightly against the dark blue profound sky, paired with the chirping of a few birds perched on a tree somewhere nearby. 

You had never been here before. That is before a few weeks back when you started coming here on the regular. The problem is: you had no idea where ‘here’ was. Every night you’d come here, to this small town bathed in starlight, and wander around aimlessly, no actual destination in mind. Small houses littered the cobble stoned streets, a tidy church near a café as your point of reference. Once you even traveled far enough to find yourself at the side of a river, the street lights reflected on the surface along with the stars. A couple wearing hats, holding hands and standing near two sailing boats, smiled and waved at you as if they had known you your entire life.

It honestly felt like someone transported you into one of Van Gogh’s paintings. You once even passed by a vendor selling sunflowers. Most of the people seemed to recognize you, but you had no clue what their names were. Most seemed friendly enough, a few looked like they were a second away from ripping all your possessions from your hands, and some, although less frequently, stared at you with sneers of disdain, as if they were proud to know something you didn’t.

Today was no different.

The lovely lady at the café near the church waved at you, her bright smile putting you at ease. You walked down the street, sending the old man at the bar a quick wave, prompting a friendly wink back your way. You might not truly understand where you were, but you’ve come to appreciate it. A constant in a life full of uncertainty was a nice change for once.

When you reached the school, most kids turning in their seats to eye you curiously through the windows, you decided to take a different route. Walking through a maze of alleyways and larger streets, seeing less and less people each corner you turned, eventually led you to a deserted road, no houses bordering the hillside. 

Strange. 

Glancing upwards to the top of the slope had you feeling something new, a mixture of dread and curiosity. A tall, dark and ominous structure, shaped like a castle, stood high and mighty before you, almost like it was overlooking the city. How come you had never noticed it before in all your visits? You balanced your options, curiosity overcoming the dread, and started the track up the hill, the stars as your sole companions.

You walked, and walked, and walked. Something didn’t seem particularly right. Glancing down at your feet, you noticed the stones under them, differently from what happened around town, were all the same. A sense of nausea had you looking up again, only to notice the castle seemed to be the same distance as before. That was impossible, however, as you had walked for several long minutes. Staring straight ahead you tried walking, running even, but the more effort you made, the further away the castle seemed to get.

Suddenly the wind picked up, a swoosh of air coming from above, like a flutter of wings. No, it wasn’t the wind. A raven was flying over your head, past you and towards the castle that stood tall in the dark.

That feeling of dread returned tenfold, making you turn on your heels and start running down the same way you came. You ran, overexerting your lungs, legs burning as adrenaline pumped in your veins. The sound of your sneakers hitting the stone pavement was the only sound you could hear along with your rapid breathing and the thumping of your heart right in your ears. You didn’t stop until you were back inside the café, in the safety of what was known to you. Well, relatively known.

“Oh, dear.” the friendly lady, who happened to be the owner of the establishment, turned to you when you came to a halt in the middle of the place, hands holding your knees as you tried to regain your breath, a concerned expression crossing her eyes “Are you quite alright?”

When you didn’t answer right away, still shaken from your encounter with the mysterious castle, she led you to one of the tables, sitting you down on a wooden chair.

“I’ll bring you some water to calm your nerves, what do you say?” she smiled, trying to send a wave of calmness your way “Or perhaps you’d like some coffee? I have just brewed some. On the house.”

You smiled at her kindness. 

“A coffee would be nice, please.”

She went out back to retrieve your drink and left you alone with your racing heart, its beating yet to slow down. The hairs on your arms and on the back of your neck stood up, and the looming sense that someone was watching you consumed you whole. Looking around the café you were met with the same people who you always saw when walking by: a couple out on a date, an elderly woman with a small dog on her lap, a man in a hat who looked like he hadn’t slept in days, a man dressed in all black… wait, that was new. 

You looked back towards the man and sure enough, he was staring right at you. Pale complexion and light eyes, the man was dressed in black clothes, a long overcoat completing the look. His sharp jaw and high cheekbones made him look powerful, almost regal in a sense, and dare you say… beautiful. The only thing about him that softened his features was his dark, messy hair. He seemed like someone important, imponent, but for some reason he didn’t scare you. You almost felt… peaceful in his presence. 

Your thoughts about the man were cut short when a large ceramic cup filled to the brim was placed in front of you.

“Here you go, dear. A nice cup of fresh coffee should do you some good.”

“Thank you.” she started walking away when you called her, catching her attention “Hey, uh, excuse me?”

She nodded for you to continue.

“What is that castle at the edge of town?”

“What castle, dear?” she asked, confusion lacing her tone.

“The tall dark one at the top of a hill.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly, as if assessing to see if you weren’t playing tricks on her.

“There is nothing around the city other than mountains on one side and the river on the other.” she smiled again “Why don’t you drink your coffee, dear, before it gets cold. I’m sure you’ll feel better afterwards.”

As she walked away once again you were left to wonder. Had you imagined it? No, you were pretty sure you had seen a castle. And a raven. You couldn’t possibly have imagined that, now… could you?

Taking a sip of your coffee, you almost spat it right back out. It tasted awful, it tasted like… nothing. It was hot, sure, but it had absolutely no taste whatsoever. You took another larger sip, at the risk of burning both your tongue and your throat, and still nothing. You couldn’t taste anything. Bringing the cup under your nose you frowned. It smelled like coffee, strongly so. If it smelled like coffee, looked like coffee and was warm like coffee, why didn’t it taste like coffee?

Raising your head, you were about to call the owner again to ask about the tasteless coffee when you noticed the same man from earlier still looking at you. His eyes were mischievous, his lips only barely tilted up in what seemed like the world's tiniest smirk. 

Narrowing your eyes at him you went to stand up and confront him, ask him why he wouldn’t quit his staring. Your abruptness made his face harden again, a hand raising under his chin. You only managed to take one shaky step in his direction before, with a snap of his fingers and something uttered under his breath, you were sitting up with a startled gasp on your bed.

Dream.

It was all just a dream.

[lorkai]

*･゜ﾟ A/N: I'm speedrunning to chapter 60 and jejsjs, there are interesting moments with Barb in past chapters that my brainrot just returned in full force lol. I wrote something similar with Mammon, so here's the link if you want to read it later. @lemonandlime22 hope u like, darling <3

Seeing Barbatos so relaxed could be considered a miracle. Ever since you met him he was always working somehow, wondering if he had done this or that, with an expression hard to see through. But during the months you spent as an exchange student visiting the castle, learning more about demons, you got to know him little by little.

He was sublime company, absolutely delightful company. You could list thousands of qualities for him, but you felt that words would be lacking and therefore, you allowed yourself to only observe him. Watching his gestures, watching his suppressed smiles or the tone of his voice tremble when presented with a new situation.

And because you loved watching him, you decided to play a harmless prank on him, one you've seen thousands of people do with their boyfriends while you were still in the human world. You couldn't wait to see the expression that would adorn Barbatos' face.

Barbatos was in the kitchen. His fingers smeared with flour and eggs as he prepared yet another delicious dish for dinner, concentrated as he was on his work the butler failed to notice that you had stopped working and were staring at him like a lovesick idiot. Staring at him with admiration in your eyes, because cooking was also an art form and the beautiful dishes he made were equal to Van Gogh's paintings.

A magnificent smell rose into the air and hit you hard. And you were grateful that your stomach hadn't grumbled or Barbatos would chuckle softly as usual and offer you something to eat, teasing you non-stop. No, no, you wanted to watch him just a little longer. The way he marinated the salad with vinegar, the way knife and meat met, and the glint in his intent eyes. And yet, you wanted to take that moment to put your little prank into practice.

You approached him with a bowl of cut vegetables and let him examine your cuts. You'd cut it exactly as he'd instructed, even though you didn't think it made that much of a difference. After all the vegetables would be eaten one way or another and leaning against the counter, you whispered to him. "Is this to your liking, husband?"

The butler murmured positively and returned to his work. But seconds later he stiffened and looked at you with an almost surprised look, not seeming to fully process what you'd said. "Mc, could I ask you to repeat what you just said?"

You shrugged and let your attention fall back to the dessert he was currently working on. "I asked if the cuts were to your liking, Barb."

Barbatos frowned and looked at you with narrowed eyes. His attention was now all on you and his dark eyes made butterflies dance in your stomach. "Unless my senses are deceiving me, I believe you called me husband. Do you wish to marry me, Mc?"

Not showing your embarrassment with the question asked, you smiled and held his face, caressing his soft skin. "Mhm, well, since you asked so nicely and i know you love me unconditionally, I'll marry you, sure, my darling hubby."

By heavens, you would be the death of him. His cheeks tinged with pink as he managed a smile that was reserved for you and he wiped his hand on his apron so that he could take yours affectionately.

"You don't know how it eases my heart to let me know that." He placed a soft kiss on your temple, bringing their foreheads together and looking deep into your eyes. He was still smiling and it made you smile too. "Spouse, I like the sound. And one day it won't be just a sound, for I will surely make you my spouse and give you the most beautiful wedding, darling."

Now it was you who had the embarrassed expression. Barbatos was many things, including a master of making you hopeful and anxious about a future by his side. And little by little the face of the two of you was getting closer until they found each other and joined in a kiss that left you breathless.

"I love you hubby."

Barbatos laughed. "And I love you, my spouse."

[fangirling-heart]

aight time for yr turn on the ask games. All the mythical creature ones are so good it was hard to choose! So srry if there’s too many :}

European Cities -

Budapest, Copenhagen, Florence

Mythical Creatures- (I like them all but I won’t send you 25 questions lmao ;) )

Griffin, Dragon, Phoenix, Minotaur, Gorgon, Imp (I think your pretty funny :]) Cerberus, Siren

Oooo! Double ask! Neat!

Al right let's get to it (long post ahead strap in)

budapest: if you could do anything and not have to face the consequences, what would you do?

Something I've been wanting to do for nearly half my life: Vandalize and/or blow up this stupid private school I used to go to as a kid. This place ruined so many parts of me, from my love of reading to my self-esteem, and it took me a really long time to feel happy with myself again. And even though I am right now, I still haven't reached a forgive-forget part (and to be honest I don't think I will). So yeah, I want a way to return the favor.

copenhagen: how many languages can you speak?

I speak english and greek (my first language). I also speak italian, but not as fluently as the first two, I'm still learning.

florence: how did you discover your favourite artist’s work?

My favorite artist is Vincent Van Gogh! Oh my god I love his work, especially the way he paints the sky! I first discovered him while in that private school (a rare ray of sunshine in there). We were doing a program about art and some people from a museum came to talk to us about several artists and when they showed us Van Gogh I was in awe. And I still continue to be.

Part 1 over, going to the creatures asks!

dragon: last thing that made you smile?

My grandma offering me a cookie. 😋

minotaur: who do you dislike the most right now?

One of my professors, who was a bitch to me and my group while we were presenting our assignment and now randomly decided that she doesn't like its topic anymore wants us to remake it (nearly a month before submissions. We've been working on it since Easter...).

phoenix: do you believe in life after death?

I guess so. I haven't thought about it to much.

gorgon: least favourite colour?

Grey. And that oily dark green (I don't know what it's called)

imp: do you consider yourself funny?

Yeah, I guess. I'm probably not some major comedic genius, but I can be pretty funny (also thanks ^_^)

cerberus: if you could have any animal as a pet, what would it be?

I am a pretty big cat person, so other than a cat (which I already have) I'd love to have a panther or a lion as a pet. I see videos of zoo keepers and rescuers cuddling with them and I get super jealous!

siren: favourite genre of music?

Probably indie (indie pop and folk especially) and pop. I'm indecisive and music is too awesome!

[mimine666]

Fictober day 5: “You’re the smartest person I know.”

Fandom: Major Crimes

Rating: G

Rusty was listening with one ear his mother and Andy talk. They were debating going to the movies or to the theater the next weekend, when the Lieutenant spoke about that Classical music concert in a chapel by candlelight. His mother grinned and exclaimed “Andy, you’re the smartest person I know.”

From anyone else, he would have thought that statement ironic, even sarcastic but not from his mother. She always looked at Andy with heart shaped eyes nowadays. And even though it pained him to say so, he must admit she had a point.

Andy was the biggest goofball on the face of Earth. God, he’ll always remember the lieutenant coming into his bedroom, his dick half outside his underwear, in the middle of the night as he wanted to use the restroom and got confused during his first (and secretive) night at the condo. Or that time he smashed his head into the bay window because they were “too clean”. Or when he took Sharon's phone by mistake and answered a call from the Pope on the can… but his heart was always in the right place.

And except being quite unlucky, Andy is actually really smart. Rusty thought him to be quite dumb when he first got to know him, maybe because of his goofy attitude or because other policemen said bad things about him, he’s not sure. But as he got to know him, first at PAB’s, he discovered how perceptive he was. Then, one day, over burger with the 2 oldest Lieutenant, he learnt that he has a masters in criminology, that he teaches at university. Sharon told him that he also has a bachelor in finances. He asked Andy once about it and was quite surprised by his answer. When he stopped drinking, he needed to stay busy so he wouldn't fall back. That’s how he started taking evening classes. One thing leading to another he found himself with several undergrad diplomas and a master degree.

But in Rusty eyes what made him truly the smartest person, like his mother said, was his thirst for knowledge. Sharon was fond of Art: painting, photography, dance, music… you name it. He could tell it wasn’t really Andy's cup of tea, at first, but he never turned her down, on the contrary. Rusty saw the lieutenant read about Van Gogh when he went to see an exhibition with his mother, or about Verdi before they went to see Aïda. Andy's real strength was that, like Sharon, he never took anything for granted and had a real genuine curiosity.

So yeah, Rusty would never say it out loud, never confess it to anyone but he agreed with his mother: Andy was one of the smartest person he knew, just after his mother.

Notes: For the "little story" part: one my friend owned a bar after serving in the Army and to avoid drinking, he decided to keep himself busy. He started to take university classes and now has a doctorate in History.

[radioactiveshitstorm]

Sunflowers

The first time Vasya sees van Gogh's "Sunflowers", he is six years old.

The yellow calls out to him, bright and sunny, from the poster on the classroom wall. He stands in front of it and stares, young mind captivated by how warm it makes him feel, even as he lacks the words to describe the feeling. Silent until his teacher comes to find him, and he works up the courage to point and ask: who painted that?

She tells him the story of a suffering artist, a man consumed by pain and misery, who painted in yellow because it made him happy, and ate the yellow paint because he wanted that happiness inside of him. Vasya drinks up the story like someone dying of thirst and, when the teacher finally persuades him to come outside with the rest of the children, the painting sticks in his mind.

It stays there for a long time. Bright yellow. Warm yellow. Happy yellow. Yellow crayons and coloured-pencils used up long before any other colour. Sunflowers in the margins of his workbooks. Sunflowers on scraps of paper hidden in his room. Sunflowers in his mind when his father gets loud, when the basement door slams shut, when his mother tells him that crying will get him nowhere.

He thinks of the man who ate yellow paint because he wanted to be happy, and considers following in his footsteps.

Years pass. He grows up, switches schools. In the posters absence, the sunflowers fade.

Vasya finds them again when he's 14, being lead around the Kolorit exhibition in Mayakovskoho Square, Rustem's hand comforting and solid in his. A flash of warm, sunny yellow in the corner of his eye. He's a child again. Still hopeful. Still dreaming. It's as beautiful as he remembers.

The woman at the stall smiles at him, warm like the sun and the sunflowers and his best friend's hand. Asks if he likes the picture, draws a shy nod from him. Asks if he knows the story behind it, and he nods again. Drags up the energy to talk about the sad man who painted it, the yellow he consumed... and is shocked when the woman shakes he head.

No no, she says. Van Gogh didn't paint the sunflowers because he was sad - he painted them because he was happy. Vasya listens as she describes a man who was sad and hurting, yes, but also loved and cherished. A man who ate paint because he was unwell, not because he thought it would make him happy. A man with family and friends who wrote to and visited and helped him, for whom he painted the sunflowers in gratitude.

Once again, Vasya absorbs this story. When he returns to his parents' house, the people in question absent as usual, he stashes a postcard copy of the Sunflowers under his pillow. Temporarily, of course. He decides he'll find a better place for it tomorrow.

That night, his dreams are full of bright warm yellow.

The next morning, his parents are back early. His father's hands drag him out of bed ("Do you have any fucking idea what time it is?"), sheets pulled into disarray. The postcards hiding place revealed in the blink of an eye. He owns it for less than a full day. It turns to ash in front of him, in the main room fireplace. His father makes him watch until there's nothing left. This time, he doesn't have the strength to cry.

More years. No more sunflowers. What point is there in holding onto them, when the world seems hell-bent on tearing them away?

And then.

And then he's 18. Stood in an art supply store in Moscow, shaking like an autumn leaf. A big grey dog on one side, a small grey man on the other. "Pick anything you'd like, Vasyenka", his uncle says, meaning every word. "Anything at all." A far cry from what he's used to. Filled with uncertainty as he walks down the aisles, wide grey eyes scanning over everything until he's overwhelmed by the choice. It threatens to get too much, until two things happen in perfect tandem.

One: Rosie, bless her, presses her cold wet nose into his hand, bringing him back down to earth Two: a familiar glint of warm, sunny yellow catches the corner of his eye.

That evening, he slips a postcard under his pillow, and fastens a poster to his new wall. Surrounded by the Sunflowers he loves, and the people who love him, he sleeps.

At last, his dreams are filled with yellow, and this time it doesn't fade.