#it’s like they either don’t actually know any of my triggers bc they don’t pay attention or even ask even tho they know i’m neurodivergent

[ultraviolencced]

being the oldest sister is a fucking curse

[jakowskis]

Day 7 - Do you have any all-time favorite scenes? You can bring up multiple - an objectively good scene, a silly scene that makes you smile, a sad scene that makes you cry, maybe a scene that just sort of stuck with you… your choice!

i have a bunch ok i tried to put em in categories. under the cut bc i think torchwood's entered spin territory by now and i still cant seem to shut up about it. pls help

scenes that rot my brain

when they mutiny against jack in the s1 finale. that whole bit, from gwen with rhys’ body in the autopsy bay to owen shooting jack to when they trigger the emergency protocol and open the rift. ill never get over how it first felt to watch that whole scene for the first time, it drove me insane. it still drives me insane. ive watched it 300 times it's sooo 😩 MY scene. g-d.

well, that’s my scene, and so are all the owen & ianto scenes in s1ep12. those two make me feral. ive gushed about theose scenes before, so ill spare u this time. my otp 4eva. and also owen having a villainous breakdown wahahaha. my fucked up little guy of all time

the scene where owen’s patching gwen up in countrycide drives me nuts. it’s such a clever seduction scene + it’s so intimate. i love it. (i also enjoy the two separate scenes where she chokes him fdhskjfdsf. countrycide tree scene makes me BLUSH and nothing makes me blush fsdkjfdshfkjdshfjkd. i am very very bi <3)

owen begging diane to stay in out of time... don’t touch me. every time i think of that whole scene i wanna cry. i have never seen such sad eyes in my life. (see my tags here for more of my thoughts on this topic fkjsdfhs.) burn pay my fucking hospital bills

that moment between jack and owen at the end of combat... “for a few seconds i felt totally at peace... and then you blunder in. do you always know best, jack? is that what you believe?” “i want you back at work tomorrow.” that scene has always driven me crazy. there’s a few scenes in the show where jack’s monstrous and the others yell at him over it, but that one hits the hardest. owen just seems to actually cut through him in that moment, and it kills me.

the scene at the conference table in s2ep5. i’m not the biggest fan of that ep, i talked abt it more the other day, but that scene drives me bonkers, for a number of reasons… the insight into the characters (owens mommy issues!!! tosh n ianto’s need for purpose!!! gwen loves rhys AND jack!!!), for sure, but especially the way jack’s relationship with all of them is presented. ill talk about it a lot more when i discuss his character, but jack… reminds me of a cult leader, in a lot of ways, and it’s most prominent in that scene especially. the show doesn’t realize it’s framing him like that, and the fandom doesn’t seem to pick up on it either. but i do, and i think it’s fascinating. 

gwen drugging rhys in combat. it just kind of blew my mind when i first saw it - there's a moment with every character where i went “oh wtf theyre fucked up. ok im obsessed now” (owen's was ghost machine, ianto's was actually ‘pray they survive’ in meat, jack & tosh never had one for me which is probs why they dont rot my brain quite as much fhdskjf) - that was gwen's. also important to note burn gorman agrees w me bc on the commentary of this ep during this scene he was clapping n laughing n probably kickin his feet HFDKSJFHDSJKFDSK he gets me

all of fragments tbh esp owens portion but specifically ianto crying when he walks away from jack at the end of his segment, and owen crying when he's talking to the doctor + him n jack walking thru the cemetery. aaaa.

(yes those were almost all owen scenes. im the deranged owen guy rmr.)

scenes that make me smile

the very first scene in the hub in the pilot :) it just feels a little bit magical in an industrial, bleak, kitchen-sink sort of way, which is what i love sm abt tw, the way it occasionally strikes that balance. the way stepping into a big base in a sewer manages to still feel magical… that’s special.

in episode 2 when theyre having lunch + in episode 4 when theyre at the bar, when they’re all gathered around and laughing. ohh i wish we got more of that

every time gwen n owen are dumbass giggling besties, or teasing each other… twice in s2ep10, and in ep 7, and then when theyre fooling around at the beginning of s2ep2. i love themmmm those two are my idiots they make me smile

jack & john’s fight in kkbb heheh

owen n martha gorillaz scene in reset. wahoo! shicka shicka shicka shicka feel good

bernies apt in ghost machine ep :) i just like the way they go through his shit, steal a bunch of it, n then leave, it always makes me giggle. “so call the cops” JACK. 

scenes that stuck with me / made an impact

john and his son in out of time. that was rlly rlly emotional.

also jack helping him off himself. g-d that episode was heart wrenching.

“captain my captain” in tkks, suzie on the ground covered in blood… things i think about. “it’s all your fault, jack." ahhhh

in ghost machine, when gwen holds the device and sees herself crying and covered in blood, and afterwards she’s all dazed and she looks at owen and he stares back and he looks dangerous. i loveee that scene. will never get over s1 owen. he’s a ticking time bomb and when he explodes he nearly destroys the world. character of all time to me. i love that he redeems himself in the end but ohhhhh sometimes i think of a world where he becomes a proper antagonist. he rlly walks the precipice 

g-d and the scene where he had the knife held to ed morgan, when i first watched it i didn’t know what he was gonna do and it was so tense. 

when lisa was first revealed in cyberwoman and mogwai played…. transcendent. the outfit was silly right off the bat but the vibe + reveal was cool enough i was rlly excited. i love the concepts in that episode i wish they took it more seriously. no metal bikini + no pteradacyl fight and we could’ve had it all. but also. would it be torchwood without metal bikini + pteradacyl fight.

“it made me happy” scene in countrycide. a lot of people seem to find that ep upsetting, i wasn’t really affected by the subject matter, but That got me. chilling. you go into torchwood expecting evil aliens, so the episodes about evil humans really hit.

the resurrection scene in s2ep7. i’m getting tired so im not gonna babble as much but agh. i wanna eventually do an analysis on owen & jack’s dynamic - i’ll talk about it there.

also, it’s a little moment but in the same episode, when gwen calls rhys crying… it reminds me of that bit in succession, during connor’s wedding, when tom calls greg, which is one of my favorite moments in that episode too. taking the time in the middle of a tragedy to step aside and privately call a loved one for support, bc u need a minute to break down when uve been doing ur best to stay strong. i think torchwood is bad at handling grief and letting their characters experience it, so it’s a nice little moment that actually lets her grieve. that, and the glove clearly triggers her, so she got double whammied with the death of a friend + the reminder of the time she nearly died. again, in a show that doesn’t typically frame moments of weakness and pain very sympathetically, it’s refreshing. 

idk why, but in ep7, when it goes back and forth between owen figuring out the murders + tosh crying to mary while she looks unsympathetically down at her… it’s just a well-filmed, cool scene, and i enjoy it. thrills me, heh. also owen adhd icon

aditd... maggie’s wedding… we’d been married less than an hour. scenes that got me. i think of maggie a lot. i think of that scene a lot. i think ‘the woman on the roof’ is my most listened to torchwood ost track, fff. it’s very special to me. that song reminds me of a thomas newman score.

tosh n owen��s deaths. of course. both of owens deaths actually, the second one is more impactful but the way nobody held him when he first died bc they were all in shock haunts me ;-;

[jasontoddiefor]

Oh dear, I think you really stirred up everyone with that one post about the killing😅 I personally, I'm really interested in how you see it.

Like you stated in one post that you think killing does more damage than good. Who do you think gets damaged? And is this more of a theoretical thought on your side, like a in an ideal world sort of thing, or something you think should also apply in the real world?

Because one thing I found very compelling about Jason killing people in the comics, is that 1. He's actually sure people did whatever he's killing them for (that ones not real world applicable) and 2. As a former victim people can have absolute surety that whoever hurt them can't do it again. Which to me sounds pretty good. And coming back to be before do you think the damage is too much to pay for peace of mind?

Now whether Jason should be killing people is a whole other question. I'd say probably not on ground that he is very fucked up, but then again so are most DC characters and we give them the benefit of the doubt regarding that they know what they are doing. And I feel like it's dismissive to say that just because someone is hurt they don't have a right to agency in their own life.

In general I'm really impressed you just went out and said what you believe in regardless of whether others agree or not. I'm over people reacting like someone just killed their pet because someone else has other ideas regarding Fandom, please people get a life.

Yeah this discussion escalated a Hot Second I didn’t quite expect this either. I don’t even remember what exactly triggered my original post.

Now to your question!

Who is damaged/hurt by killing?

Whoever does the murder. I don’t think people can kill, on purpose or on accident, without this having some sort negative influence on their mind. Even if they were hurt by the person they ended up killing, I don’t think this is just something you can walk away from.

The murder victim. In most cases, probably intentionally, but often enough, you get the wrong guy. I’m not sure if this is something I have many opinions on bc I’m a black guy, but I am genuinely terrified of being falsely accused of a crime simply because of racism. Anyway, point stands: whoever is killed, either dies quick and fast or slow and violent.

The families of both. Whether they believe the murder was warranted or not, families of both “participants” have to deal with the emotional fallout and having to support each other.

Any bystander. Witnessing a murder is traumatizing as hell. Don’t think this needs more elaboration.

Theoretical or Real World?

I do also think irl that killing is bad. I believe that nobody can come away from such an act of violence - oh, yes, guns make it easier, but murder isn’t easy and it isn’t pretty - without massive follow up problems.

I understand why people do it, I also believe that it probably can bring people peace of mind thinking others are dead or even knowing they themselves did it, but I think the aftermath will bring them a whole new slate of problems.

So my take on that is that prison, therapy, and support is much better than killing someone because there will be a person who has to bear the burden of ending a life. To bring this to the theoretical level - I think this is, narratively, what Batman should be about. On a genre and media level, I think this should be the content of Batman™️

Don’t get started on a discussion of the prison system and all it’s failures, this breaks the scope of this discussion.

Jason in the comics

As you also pointed out, Jason 100% knew his victims were guilty, but this isn’t real world applicable.

So this is where we run into narrative issues sort of on how much irl laws we want to be applicable in comics. For Batman, as a genre, the “I can’t be 100% sure so I won’t do it even once” works. As long as Jason works in a scope of Batman, I don’t think he can kill because you’re working with two different narrative moral systems. Combining them will lead in a more Batman heavy narrative to condemning Jason and in a more Jason heavy narrative to making Batman seem unreasonable.

Permanently locking someone away is, when your focus is on protecting people, equivalent to having the perpetrator dead. They’re away from people, they can’t hurt anyone. And to come back to the Joker example (or KGBeast shooting Dick), having them dead won’t fix what they’ve already done. However, I do think, coming back to potential damages, than being confronted with the person who hurt you and inflicting violence on them, will give victims additional trauma.

Like, I think if Jason killer the Joker, he’s gonna crash because it didn’t fix anything. Okay, Joker’s dead and can’t hurt anyone else, but Jason’s still the same as before.

Should Jason kill? Eh, this question tbh also kinda goes outside of my original discussion that was just about Batman (and isn’t it kind of fascinating how all discussions about Bruce killing in fandom are always about Jason and never any of the other kids hurt—). But as you said, Jason’s mental health is specifically fucked. Taking away his agency is going to make him worse, but I also think his hurt is so great that he needs someone to hold his hand so he won’t crash and burn. That’s just how people are, we weren’t meant to suffer on our own without support.

I also think he’s not gonna get better until the writers find a place for him. I like to keep him in the batfam so I think he shouldn’t kill. I don’t think he can keep killing and narratively stay inside the batfam.

So I guess that’s my take on it all? It’s not flawless, there are many holes you can poke into this but that’s what analyzing any media is like.

And it’s not very impressive to say your opinion when this wasn’t meant to be a huge “oooh let’s have a discussion” thing in the first place or I would have phrased it differently. There are enough DC blogs - who are actually still actively into DC unlike me - that toss out their opinions all the time. Mine just unfortunately got notes.

But I get why people take it personally. When I was into DC, Jason was my poor little daddy issues self project meow meow. Heck, I don’t like reading fics (or canon comics) where Bruce is a shit dad. I go out of my way to avoid it because it personally ticks me off. So yeah, I get why people react the way they do. Though I think the inability to gouge tone through online text adds to how these kinds of discussions tend to go. It’s why I usually only have with friends.

Anyway, Cheerio hope this reply was enlightening

[defountaine]

DEFOUNTAINE.

independent + private roleplay blog for FURINA DE FONTAINE, of mhy's GENSHIN IMPACT as judged by SINCLAIR ( 21 ). crossover + oc friendly. low activity due to college ( junior yr ) + old laptop.

INTEREST CHECKER. / GOOGLE DOC.

rules under cut.

NOTES. ( THIS MAY BE UPDATED AS TIME GOES ON. )

not spoiler or leak free

i tag triggers as “ trigger // “ 

for the main verse ( gi ), i'm almost entirely caught up on the main story.

hc heavy.

i use she/he/they for furina. she looks like both a woman and a twink and it's giving me gender envy, okay. genderfluid furina is so real to me.

generally novella because i love writing a lot!!

scarce activity bc my laptop is fucked up ( most of the keys are stiff lol ) + full time college student. i am literally doing a research proposal this semester.

aforementioned keyboard thing may lead to typos

i tag a lot of my ooc posts ( since a majority of the time they’re useless ) as “ irrelevant // ” as to not clog up peoples dash 

sometimes tumblr doesn’t send my asks so if you’ve liked for an inbox call and you don’t receive it, thats why 

mutuals can ask for discord<3 i encourage it actually since im active there more often but im very anxious and tend not to initiate conversation unless i feel like we’re very close 

if i ever bother you lmk<3 i’ve been told i can get a little spammy at times and i’ll admit i do get easily excited so if i need to tone it down just let me know!

if i’m following you i’ve read your rules !! i’ll assume you’ve done the same if you decide to follow back!

i only have access to the beta editor, sadly. i can try and pull some bullshit but i don't know if it'll work. my apologies.

NSFW.

those who are of age and have characters of age can smut with me. that said, furina is probably not gonna be very easy to fuck. trauma and all that. unless we have pre-established stuff. that's always fun. that said, don't follow just to fuck him, please. gore is also welcomed.

SHIPPING.

i love shipping, so lets do it! platonic, romantic, rivals, familial etc.. love ‘em all! planned or entirely natural, either is fine! if you wanna ship with me just ask! i have no preferences, not really, and i can say the same about furina. both she and i are down to clown with just about anyone. it doesn't even have to be healthy! ( to the tune of tmnt ) codependent toxic yuri/yaoi !

PLEASE DON’T RUSH ME.

full time college student with very limited time to do rp nowadays. i really enjoy writing and all but being rushed to reply makes me lose motivation. however, if i do miss a starter/don’t reply to a thread for a while you can tell me about that!

SELECTIVE + MUTUALS ONLY.

despite me saying this, all in all i probably follow almost everyone back as long as they have a rules + abt page i can find! i don’t follow personals but if you’re a hub or your rp blog is a sideblog, lmk so i can follow you there!  if you have a rules + abt page and i don’t follow back LET ME KNOW. sometimes tumblr doesn’t give me notifications and i don’t pay attention to follower count for the most part. i’m really not picky and im not trying to be mean or ignore you ! 

HATE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.

any sort of hate will not be tolerated. if i see you picking on anyone or you pick on me , i will block you. that’s not the way i roll.

NO GODMODDING OR ANYTHING OF THE LIKE.

this is pretty standard , but please don’t control my muse or anything of the sort. 

I PRACTICE REBLOG KARMA. KINDA.

 i am not a meme archive blog , so if you do rt them please consider sending them!!

I’M FINE WITH ASKS BEING TURNED INTO THREADS!!

just please turn them into separate text posts, please!!

BE FUCKING NORMAL.

y'know. no racism, homophobia, transphobia or pedophilia, incest, and all that gross stuff. instant block. literally just be normal.

[mypimpademia]

You know the episode of Spongebob when the Flying Dutchman said to Mr. Krabs: “If you had to choose between Spongebob and all the money I have in my pocket, which do you choose?” And Mr. Krabs was like: “That depends, how much money we talking?” I got this cute idea for when Class 1-A or 3-A are doing truth or dare and Mina/Nejire asks Y/N: “If you had to choose between all the boys in this room, which boy would you pick?”

Y/N: That depends, which boy are we talking about?

Mina: (Their crush’s name)

Y/N: I’ll take the boy! 🥺

I’d love head cannons of Shinsou, Sero, Tamaki, and Shoji (if you don’t write for him, you can do Bakugo) reacting to their crush just picking them with no hesitation and she’s just cuddling them or at least happy to be near them.

Shinso x f!reader, Sero x f!reader, Tamaki x f!reader, Bakugo x f!reader

TW: Swearing

Note: I love this concept, it's literally sooo cute. Sorry for just getting to it tho, this has been in my inbox since forever. Hope you enjoy tho💖 you're in the Bakusquad on sero and bakugos parts btw. I assumed fem reader bc you said she in the ask but if that's not what you wanted I can change it!

Taglist: @myhoodacademia @katsuflossy @minruko @ecao @nnnoya @hawklmaoo @wolfkid22 @mythiccheroacademia @myfandemons @lilsparkyswife @mindofess @kqtsukisgf @yuujisbby @angiebug101 @mads-fairy @solar3lunar @miashimaa @asaincy @silkylious @blackweebtrash @mitsumya

SHINSO.

"Well it depends on how much money and which boy... so which guy specifically?"

"Hmm... Shinso!"

Hitoshi had already been listening in before, but not paying too much mind to it

But now that his name was in the mix? He was all ears.

"I'll take Shinso!"

You said it with little to know hesitation, and it sent him into a different kind of frenzy he couldn't even describe

He's never gotten butterflies so bad until now

His face was every shade of red at once, and his eyes were widened as he looked at you

Usually Hitoshi would act as if he didn't care, but he hadn't even realized he was looking at you until you flashed a smile at him

He gulped down the lump in his throat and turned away from you

Of course... Hitoshi is usually smooth and chill so you were very confused

"You okay 'Toshi?"

You had your arms around his neck and your chest pressed to his back, and it definitely made it harder for him to calm down😭

He always had a crush on you

Just a "small" one a big one

It was always something he brushed off because 1. He didn't think you'd like him back and 2. He convinced himself he didn't come here for any kind of relationship

But, that crush kept growing and growing, and it's something that irritatingly loomed over him constantly, and my his heart flutter when you were around

But know??? Hitoshi might've fallen in love with you

He told you he was fine, despite being red enough to put Kirishima's hair to complete shame

You ended up staying next to him on the couch till it was time to go to bed, and the whole time he was just praying you couldn't hear him subtly trying to take deep breaths

SERO.

He was actually participating in the game of truth or dare Mina started

It was the Bakusquad game night anyways, and he didn't wanna be a party pooper since Bakugo had already fallen asleep

Not relevant, but Denki did draw on his face as a dare

When Mina asked you the question, his interest was definitely peaked

"Depends on which one of the boys we're talking about, if it's Bakugo I'd take the money."

Everyone stifled a laugh to keep Bakugo from waking up

"Umm... Sero! Between the money and Sero."

He was surprised to hear his name, but he was even more surprised when you gave your answer with no hesitation

"Well obviously I'd take Hanta!"

You basically flung yourself onto him as you said it

Hanta started blushing instantaneously, but did pull you closer after the initial shock

"I'd choose you too, amor."

Hantas face was dusted red for the rest of the night, and he acted like he brushed it off but it was definitely at the back of his head for a good ass minute

TAMAKI.

Amajiki was sitting out of the game you, Nejire, and Mirio were having

Sitting quietly as you all did your dares and said your truths

But once Nejire threw a question involving a guy in, his ears were more perked than usual

"Hmmm... well money is nice... but it depends on which guy too."

"Hmm Tamaki!"

Amajiki gulped just barely audibly, and instantly broke out into a cold sweat

He's liked you for awhile, but he wasn't hopeful in your feelings towards him

So of course, he expected you to choose the money

But he was pleasantly surprised by your answer

"I'd take Ama'!"

You looked at him and flashed a bright smile

Something in him malfunctioned and he let out some kind of conflicted noise before his face went cherry red all the way to the pointed tips of his ears

He covered his face with his hands and turned away from you, but it was hard to ignore you when you were right next to him

Nejire and Mirio laughed and teased him, while you rested a hand on his back to calm him down

He was flustered beyond comprehension for the rest of the night, especially with the wa you were always around him to see if he was okay (he was so red, you started to think that boy was sick)

But he absolutely did not mind you being around... his mind was just a little busted up from earlier

But eventually, you did fall asleep on his shoulder, and you'd think he malfunction all over again, but there was something so peaceful about seeing you all relaxed, especially relaxed enough to fall asleep around him

Amajiki basically melted right there, and even fell asleep awhile after

But you best believe he freaked out the next morning when it hit him that you fell asleep on each other!!

BAKUGO.

Katsuki was sitting frustrated on Minas bed as the rest of you sat on the floor and on bean bags

He wanted to be in bed by now, but it was Bakusquad game night

Normally, he would've gone to sleep anyways, and he did till you came busting in through his door, dragging him out of bed

And he really couldn't say no to you either

Hes liked you for a little while now, and you had this hold on him that he both hated and loved

Katsuki wasn't really invested in the conversation or game, but once guys came into the question he couldn't help but at least listen

"Alright Y/n, between all the money I've got on me right now and a boy, which would you choose?"

"A boy? Which boy?"

"Hmmm... Bakugo!"

He was surprised to hear his name, and it actually made him kind of nervous

His palms started sweating and he wiped them on his joggers to keep them from triggering and explosion

"I'd take Katsu!"

Katsuki really didn't know if it was the fact that you chose him or the nickname that hit him harder

Either way, there were no complaints

But you weren't allowed to know that, so when you latched onto him, he shrugged you off

"Get the hell off me dumbass"

But you just continued latching onto his arm

He scoffed at you as usual, but none of you missed that lil smile on his face

But you value your lives so you said nothing

[mishhasgrace]

Let’s Talk

Okay..... I feel like it’s my job to set the record straight (it’s not, but I’m gonna do it anyway), so strap in I guess. (I know that we don’t talk about the finale any more but I have to get it out of my system so!)

To anyone..... ANYONE that still thinks that Cas’ confession in 15x18 Despair is anything other than an explicitly romantic confession (all those people that are saying Cas confessed his love for Dean as a brother, as a best friend; I’m looking at you), fuck you and your homophobic heteronormative bullshit.

Time to set the record straight (or gay, heh.)

First, I just need to say that Misha Collins, after the episode aired, on a panel with Richard Speight Jr. (who directed that episode), as well as Mark Sheppard, Ruth Connell and some others, said, and I quote “Castiel tells Dean he loves him and, like, basically makes Destiel canon.” Him saying this means that that’s how he acted the scene. That is how he portrayed the dialogue for the confession. Richard, who, once again, directed that episode, was in that Zoom call, and as the director, he didn’t say anything contradicting that or going against what Misha said either.

Before I go in with dissecting that scene, which I, as well as I’m sure a billion people did, let’s jump back for a second to episode 12x12 Stuck In The Middle With You

Now, in this episode, Castiel thought he was about to die, and in what he thought were his last moments, told Dean, Sam, and Mary that they were family and that he loved them, all of them. This. This was an act of familial love. This was the “we’re family. I love you” that y’all apparently THINK the despair scene was about. The tone for this scene in 12x12 is SO SO different than in 15x18 it’s not even close. So if you’re so desperate for a familial “brotherly love” confession, watch 12x12, you won’t be disappointed.

Okay now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on with taking about the actual scene. My point with reminding everyone about 12x12 is simply because why would Cas’ confession in 15x18 be familial if he already said his familial love piece three years prior. Dean already knows that. That’s not much of a confession if it’s things he already knows...

Okay time for dissection! I’m not going to copy and paste Cas’ confession, bc we’ve all heard it so if you don’t know the specifics of what I’m quoting, it’s on YouTube.

In the beginning of the confession, before Cas goes on about how everything Dean does is for love, Castiel contemplates what he could’ve done to trigger the Empty, when he knows that the one thing he wants is something he knows he can’t have. Now, we’ve heard something akin to this before in the show (6x14 with Lisa, 14x10 with Pamela) both in regards to Dean and both with a meaning of romantic or amorous intent.

Castiel then remarks that happiness is not in the having, it’s in the being. It’s in just saying it. And what does he say? A three minute blurb about why Dean does everything for love. How Dean changed Castiel. How because Dean cared about everyone and the world, so did Cas.

How Cas Loves Him.

Now. All this build up. All this talking. All of this confessing. It’s a love confession. A romantic love confession. Castiel is saying that he is in love with this man, this man who made him care so much when it went against every single ounce of programming. Castiel, who in his last moments alive, sacrificed himself to save the man he loves. Because when you love someone so deeply, you’re willing to do anything for them. Even if that means giving your happiness for them.

Castiel is in love with Dean Winchester.

Now this post is already long as fuck (I apologize) so I’m not going to go into the implications of this approaching the finale, or how the finale was hot garbage because it threw away the most meaningful and psychologically complex relationship and characters in television history, or Dean’s reciprocation, but if y’all want me to make a part two I gladly will.

And to those naysayers that I addressed in the beginning of this very long post: if by this point you’re reading and you still don’t think that Castiel’s confession was written, acted and directed as a confession with romantic intent, you are beyond help and I truly truly am sorry. Maybe rewatch the series and try to pay a little more attention to the Dean and Cas scenes and less attention to idk, Jared’s hair or whatever it is you were watching for the last 12 years.

Finally, to all you sexy heller bitches, I love you with my whole ass heart. You rock you funky little shippers.

And as always:

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

omg so I read this manga this morning called Sesame Salt and Pudding and it’s ab this 22 y/o girl who gets drunk and accidentally marries a stranger, who happens to be 42. it’s the cutest lil slice of life just a really healthy relationship and all i could think was this would be the funniest meet cute for Erwin.

Thanks for linking me the manga website anon omfg you're a real one💙🐛

Alright so below is my 1am thoughts while reading it as i listen to a daddy/mommy issues playlist i found online and drinking green apples monster energy.

Tw: mentions of sex | Tw: suggestive words

Chapter one

The girl is really pretty, I'm really gay.

Wait so she married him while drunk and now can't remember anything?

This lowkey does look like Erwin without gel in his hair

...why can i see Erwin as the type of drunk to not only sign a wedding registration paper but also demand both of you must go get wedding ware, paying for your dress or suit.

Consent 👏yes👏100%👏the bare minimum👏Erwin values consent above literally anything else👏Erwin wouldn't touch you without permission even while drunk out of his mind👏again it's the bare minimum👏

An older dude that cooks & cleans while staying home as i go out and provide for us? This is my dream. Stay at home husband Reiner stay at home husband Reiner stay at ho

Ngl i think Erwin wouldn't know anything past basic cooking despite him reading all these cooking books and watching videos, i think if he really was dedicated he'd sign up for a cooking class go get high level skills just to impress you but treat it like it's nothing

...he didn't wanna stare at her chest so he went to clean the fridge- Erwin would def be that kind of gentleman to change his own attitude instead of ever telling you to change or cover up.

I love her job oh my god yes.

Ooo a love rival huh👀 is this gonna turn into a triangle situation

The only love rival I'd ever see for Erwin is Nile tbh, like i think if it was Miche, Hange or Levi then he'll talk it out and either him or the person backs off.

He gets gloomy when jealous huh~

THIS IS FUNNIER THAN IT HAS ANY RIGHT TO BE DOAKDJKAKSN I CAN'T.

I can't even imagine Erwin's reaction if you said this to him, like he won't even be mad he would just be really taken back, standing there like 🧍🏼‍♂️...he'd even be amused.

Okay- okay this is a good reaction...I think Erwin would say something similar but rephrase it to he more subtle yet somehow making it sound dirtier.

Something along the lines of, "well, if you're so sure then why don't you find out yourself."

And "after all i can't deny that i haven't thought about how beautiful looked last night...how the more beautiful you would've looked laying down."

"You looked like a really delicious treat"

"All pretty and alone, tearing about your worries, i just wanted to make you forget them all and leave the rest to me"

I should stop-

Chapter two

HE SAID HE IS HER UNCLE I CAN'T BREATHE I LOVE THIS

Oh shit he overhead them oh shit

Shit is going down oh god

Man if it was Nile in this hypothetical insert then he'd be hold this information like the petty bitch he is and use it at the date instead.

Chapter three

Ngl dude, i really hate it when they treat it like a women's reputation is all she has. I especially hate the purity culture of that a young women can't be a roommate with a man because "what will people say" like...if they're fucking who cares and if they aren't literally who cares? Do they realise gay people exist too and two women have an equal chance of sleeping together too?

It feels like they treat women as children, maybe I'm just projecting bc i live in a similar kind of culture where all these rules apply here if not more.

Anyway that manga is cute, it just angred me that these two men think they're responsible for solving her problem or as if they have any right to scold her or be angry like she's some kind of child and should listen.

It's her life, it's her problem and it's her who will solve it.

DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP. he's really acting like a bitch as if he has any right to be angry or even judge her oh my god.

"Impure background..." Get fucked.

The only ONLY reason he even can be angry is because she didn't mention being married while they were going for a date but they didn't even go on that date and nothing was official so why does she have to tell him her private life.

RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG HUGE RED FLAG

"get divorced immediately" HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG

Controlling Insecure cunt.

I'm sorry anon that I'm really going off on him and I'm sorry if you like him- it's just that i really really can't stand these things

THE MANGA IS LOVELY THO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RECOMMENDING IT I'D LOVE MORE WHENEVER💜

Oh baby, oh angel I'm so sorry you had to go through that, in no way is it ever right to get angry and yell no matter what especially since you apologised and admitted to your mistake.

Especially since he knew it was something you did while drunk and deeply regret it but he still took out his angry on you like you betrayed his trust when you weren't even together or like you intentionally did it.

Narcissistic dick.

I'm not talking about the next scenes because it might be triggering.

Chapter five

4 is missing :( idk how her parents visit went

We just started the chapter and-

Fuck her. Like what's up with toxic abusive people being too comfortable saying these things lmao like they actually take themselves seriously omfg.

Imagine saying this about Erwin tho, like it feels powerful to say. John maloney was right after all huh

Oh

Oh

So we doing this huh

👀

....oh :( we were just getting to the god part, man Erwin wouldn't have let a phone stop him.

Also bless the translator for their note at the end, it's good we're seperating fiction from reality and clarifying things to people on how to act in these scenarios.

Like drama is fun and all, I'm a huge sucker being extra, but things are different in real life and using fiction as a guide to how to deal with these, clearly written to be extra, situations should never ever be anyone's first choice.

Well that's all the 10 images tumblr will allow me in one post, i hope you had fun anon because i sure did! And i can definitely see this as a sweet wholesome Erwin/reader story, and if i ever did a an inspired rewriting of that manga with Erwin i can definitely see it being really fun to write!

Although i will change some stuff like that guy, i know people have good and bad sides but the guy specifically made me uncomfortable for personal reasons, i also Don't like mentioning serious things like anger controlling issues without diving deep into them.

Imma go finish the manga, if you want a part two, or have a different thing to recommend, please let me know💙

[chronicallyblogged]

My therapist is starting to see clients next week. She's starting next Saturday but is making a special allowance to see me Friday at our usual time so we can do our first emdr in person. So I'm considering her previous scheduling errors forgiven so long as she keeps it.

TW: gore, neglect, animal abuse/death

The first bit of the session is hazy. I think we discussed paranoia a little bit and how that was instilled in me. I know I talked about some of my support system. She asked me if any of my very young parts ever came to the front. I said yes and actually had some questions about them. Before age 5 I love darth Mal specifically because he would be cut a part. My family considered this normal. I noticed when watching a movie some of my very young parts were excited to see a character die a brutal death in the end. They were also excited to see another one get dismembered. I also stated that since very young I had the opinion that knifes and stabbing were better than guns bc guns were messy which aggravated my father.She recommended a show to me if I like gore and assured me that it had plot when I said I didn't watch it without a story. Then we dived into my early life. She wanted to understand how it shaped me.

I remembered that my grandmother would share gory medical stories (hippa who?). This we decided could very well be the source of the dismemberment fascination. I was often shown and told stories about serial killers which may have given me the knife preference. As far as watching characters I like die, my mother would often make me pay close attention to death scenes and then speak with her at length about them. We talked some about how if I got hurt as a very small child I would often be laughed at. This among the rest most likely contributed to lacking empathy.

We then also spoke about the fact that since I could walk I was left outside for prolonged periods and how that affected my world view. I view animals and plants the same. To me a plant can be as good as a pet. Likewise I don't see the difference between killing an animal and a plant. When I was little I said it was wrong to cut grass and tear leaves it hurts the plants. To me this was common sense. The smell of grass smells harmful and you can see the plants leak just like animals do. I was told I was over sensitive and crazy. Well years later and science has come out with studies that plants release chemicals in defense or cries for help. I dont get why it's ok to hurt them just bc they don't hurt in a human way. But we do it to animals bc "they are more intelligent" is usually the argument. Yet we kill pigs that are as smart as 3 year olds. My therapist agreed and pointed out that the fishing market killed dolphins and something else that I forgot. I was like yeah so why is it that when people kill certain animals they are monsters? I mentioned my dad killed fish all the time growing up bc he was bored yet he loved his garden. That he would tell me how he used to torture animals as a child and tell me about it. Then if I was upset get angry with me. She noted that empathy was not only not nurtured but it was actively discouraged. Eventually I admitted I've killed mine to. Ive stopped keeping fish but I really dont get the difference between a fish and a house plant. My therapist said I see past the anthropomorphism that society gives to animals and just function very differently from most humans. Which is something I'll have to live with in life. But ive dealt well with this aspect thus far. That she doesn't think im a monster. And that I haven't killed anyone yet so she thinks it's fine. That last part just had me looking at her like is that a joke or in serious? Either way it's poor taste. My silence apparently bothered her bc she leaned in and was like "that I know of?" To which just no I have not nor will.

After that we switched gears and worked on paranoia more. Outlined emdr for it. Broke it up into different traumatic beliefs that cause it. I'm not going to go into it bc I don't want to trigger it but I will most likely begin emdr with the first memory next session!

[sarcastically-defensive17]

might be a weird request but an angsty fic of calum & reader r dating at a party but cal’s been givin the silent treatment cuz the reader did smth clumsy and cal got mad & they argue & at the party a drunk dude is all on her & she’s tipsy/mad/throws a drink on him & ends up bein a big fight & the band hears & sees the guy slap her causing calum go crazy feels guilty bc he wasn’t with her & the band protect her & kicks him out, fluff at the end insp: snooki getting slapped on jersey shore djjdkd

Fine - C. Hood

TRIGGER WARNING: NON CONSENSUAL SEXUAL TOUCHING AND VIOLENCE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS COULD TRIGGER YOU BECAUSE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT!!

I love this idea and I had to watch that video like seven times to get inspiration. I hope you like it! I couldn’t think of a plot for so long!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

There was something off with Calum. No rhyme, no reason, no explanation for his bad attitude, just random bursts of anger that led to venomous words falling off of his tongue.

Y/N hadn’t seem him actually happy in a while, and she had no idea what caused his outbursts.

She had been dealing with it, but the more he snapped, the harsher he was. She was starting to really dislike being around him, even more so, being at their shared house.

She had a breaking point, but he hadn’t yet hit it, until one Thursday night she had the girls over while the guys had a night out.

The wine had been passed around and they were all a little buzzed by the time the men returned home.

Shit truly hit the fan when Y/N gestured widely with her glass in hand.

She was always a clumsy person, that was no secret, and usually Calum would tolerate it with a smile on his face.

Until she spilled red wine all over Ashton’s white shirt. Everybody laughed it off, except for Y/N.

She rushed around trying to get the liquid out of the shirt it threatened to stain, and the minute her hands lingered on Ashton’s chest for a minute too long, Calum’s insecurities went haywire.

But in true Calum fashion, he refused to mention it to her until she noticed he was giving her the silent treatment after everybody had left for the night.

“Okay, enough,” she threw the cloth she was holding. “What have I done wrong now?”

Her tone was stern. She was sick of his random outbursts and bouts of silence. She didn’t deserve to be treated that way and she was determined to let him know that.

“Nothing,” came his curt response as he directed a look towards her that told her not to push it.

But she was never one for listening.

“No, Calum. I’m sick of this.” Her jaw was set as she folded her arms across her chest.

He let out a snide laugh, and her heart sank at the sound.

She had no idea what had gotten into Calum, but she really hated it. He was a boatload of insecurities and he took them all out on her.

“What do you have to be sick of? You sure looked fine when you were all over my best mate,” he rolled his eyes, setting his jaw to match hers.

“You’re joking!” She laughed louder than she should have, completely intent on reciprocating the sarcasm dropping from his tongue. “I was trying to clean his shirt, but oh no, I’m guessing in your mind, I want him!”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” he mumbled under his breath, turning to walk away from her.

“What did you just say?” She gaped.

He was scared of losing her. It was no excuse, but he was so terrified of her finding love in another and it made his insecurities flare up. He had been hurt many times before, and he was preparing himself for the worst.

He just didn’t realize how far he was pushing her.

She grabbed onto his shoulder and spun him around to face her.

“What did you say,” she spoke through a clenched jaw. She had enough. She was sick of being made to feel as if she couldn’t be around any other male.

“I said, it wouldn’t surprise me,” he spat and he watched as her face fell slightly.

She shook her head, puffing her cheeks as she did so.

“You are ridiculous, Calum.” Her hands were on her hips and her brows were set in fury, “So first, it was random bullshit that you had a bad day and decided to take it out on me, then you were jealous, and now you’re accusing me of wanting to be with somebody else?”

Her eyes were wide and he offered her no answer, instead choosing to clench and un-clench his jaw while looking anywhere but at her.

“News flash, Calum!” She was shouting now. It wasn’t the first time he had accused her of something similar, “I’m not going to cheat on you, or leave you or whatever! You can trust me!”

He wanted to feel sad, almost hurt that he caused such pain to seep into her tone, but all he saw was red.

“How can I trust you? How can I trust you when you were all over him tonight? Huh?”

The limit was hit. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“Fine, you don’t trust me, then get out.”

There was no room for argument. She disappeared upstairs as he scoffed behind her, collecting a bag full of his clothes and throwing it out onto the front lawn.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m not leaving,” his heart started to hammer along in his chest.

She was calm. A scary sort of calm that sent sweat pooling on his heavy palms.

“I’m not staying in a house with somebody who can’t trust me, Calum.” She blinked, grabbing his keys and snatching the door to their house off of the ring before tossing the car keys to him. “Get out.”

They went back and forth until ultimately, Calum was knocking on Michael’s front door with tears in his eyes.

She was beyond angry with Calum and in pain over the argument with Calum. They hadn’t spoken since.

Unfortunately, the same weekend after she kicked him out, the guys and their significant others were at her house for a celebratory party.

One of their songs had become number 1 in some country. She was far too tired to remember. Especially after Calum had walked in.

She expected to see him, but she didn’t expect the pain that came along with the sight of her boyfriend.

Thankfully, there were more than enough people to successfully help her evade him, but not enough to keep her away from the man who wouldn’t stop chatting her ears off.

His name, Steve maybe? She couldn’t remember. The amount of alcohol running through her veins made sure of it, and she was sure she stopped his intoxicated chatter at least 5 times to ask him for his name.

In her drunken state she managed to catch Calum’s eyes from across the room and she saw his flare once he saw the man standing beside her.

Fingers clicking in her face pulled her attention away from her boyfriend.

“Are you even listening?” A gruff voice asked. It wasn’t the attractive kind of gruffness, like how Calum’s voice is when he first wakes up, but more of a voice tainted by years of cigarette smoke, and alcohol abuse, following a naturally irritating tone.

She smiled at him, intending to return to politely listening to him ramble about his high paying but low effort job.

“Sorry, I saw somebody and got distracted,” she slurred, leaning against the table and rubbing her head. Unknowingly giving the man a perfect view of her cleavage if he were to look hard enough.

A gross smirk worked onto his face and Y/N jumped as his hand connected with her backside.

“Excuse me-“

“Let’s go up to a room, yeah?” His eyes were heavy, and she flinched as he wrapped an arm round her shoulder, roughly groping the flesh he has clasped in his other hand.

“No thank you, I have a boyfriend,” she dug her heels into the ground as he tried to pull her along with him, and she could faintly see Calum’s eyes bore into the two of them.

The man scoffed, “And? I’ve got a dog at home but I still gave the little rat you’ve got upstairs a pat.”

“What did you just say about Duke?” Her anger intensified, her drunken state more worried about defending her dog than focusing on his sleezy proposition.

His hands moved up her waist, brushing her boobs as they continued up.

She shivered at the contact, feeling sick to her stomach.

“Get your hands off of me, you dog hater!” without thinking, she lifted the hand she held her cup in and threw it in the mans face.

He went silent for a moment, barely allowing her heart to beat once before she connected with the ground. Her cheek was throbbing, tears pricking her eyes.

She could barely register the commotion around her, as a head of brown curls flew towards the man and tackled him to the ground.

Three more figures rushed to pull him off of the man, and she couldn’t stop herself from clambering towards him when she saw it was Calum.

Ashton grabbed the man by the neck, dragging him towards the front of the house as Luke yelled at everybody to leave.

“It’s okay, love. I’ve got you,” Calum cooed.

She could barely think of why she was mad at him. In that moment, all she could focus on was the pain in her cheek and the feeling of his arms around her.

He ordered somebody to bring him ice, before pulling her up the stairs to their bedroom. The same one she had slept in on her own for the past couple of nights.

Except for whoever delivered the ice, they were alone in the room. Duke worked his way onto the bed to lay in his owners lap as Calum inspected her face.

“M’sorry,” she whispered into the air, her head feeling as if it were swaying. The ache intensifying from where she hit the ground.

“What for, baby?” He asked, pressing a package of frozen peas to her cheek.

“That guy touched me. Maybe he thought that I want to cheat on you like you do,” she was slurring her words. The whiskey in her blood was not doing her any favors as she tried to communicate with her boyfriend. “I don’t want to cheat on you. I love you too much, you insecure bastard.”

He snorted at the seriousness in her tone. She was observing him with a purpose.

Her mouth was moving, lacking the filter provided from her brain.

“How could anybody want to cheat on you? Have you seen you? You’re hot as fuck.” Her words were slightly muffled by the bag of peas. “I’m sorry I ruined the party. I didn’t want him to hit me.”

Calum put his hands on either side of her face, making sure to watch her cheek.

“Baby, you didn’t ruin the party.”

“But everybody left-“

“And? I don’t care about everybody else,” Calum’s eyes bore into her bleary ones, and he struggled to think of why he felt so insecure in their relationship. “I care about you, and only you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there with you tonight, love. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.”

He truly felt horrible. If he were with her, he could have kept her safe. He could have kept that sleezy guy away from her. Kept his hands off of her.

“S’okay, Cal.” She grinned behind the bag of peas, “You showed him whose boss!”

Her drunken state wasn’t the most ideal for them to discuss the issue of the past few weeks, but he made a note to do so in the morning.

He knew deep in his heart that she loved him, and it was about time he grew up and put trust into her as she did with him.

“I’m sorry he touched me,” she pouted looking down at her body. “His hands felt gross. Yours are better.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, pulling her close to him.

“He won’t touch you again, baby. I promise you.”

“Thank you, macho man,” she relaxed against him, letting her eyes fall shut with a sigh. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“Also,” she sat up, letting the bag fall from her face. “If you tell me you don’t trust me again, then you can walk that fine ass out the door and I’m keeping our son.”

He chuckled softly at her, ignoring the twinge in his heart at the reminder of his disgusting words.

“Okay, Lizzo. I promise, I trust you,” she kissed him quickly, pulling back to let him continue talking. “My fine ass isn’t going anywhere unless your fine ass is right beside me, promise.”

“I do have a fine ass, don’t I?” She beamed at him.

[cheekblush]

if you dont mind me asking, (if you do mind, you don't have to answer!) how do you deal or cope with not being sure about yourself especially with the pressure of being in an immigrant family and ending up having to take an unconventional route of life compared to the one they wanted for you/want to live through you sort of ?.... i've been feeling my family's projection of their insecurities which i understand but it's so emotionally exhausting for me i'm having a weird time mannnn sometimes i feel like i should just give in to their requests of career routes they want me to take but it makes me want to kermit soupcider lolll

oh boy... where do i even begin.. this is a topic that is very personal to me and triggers a lot of emotions but i'll try to reply to the best of my abilities. i already know this will get way too long so i'll put it under a read more..

firstly of course - hello dear! 🌸  i'm sorry to hear that your family is projecting their insecurities on you and is pressuring you to choose a career path that is not to your liking (smth very common in immigrant families i believe unfortunately 🙃) right off the bet my advice is to not just give in to their requests in order to please them! you should really take some time for yourself to think what it is you're genuinely interested in and passionate about and try to pursue a career that you can actually imagine yourself working in for the majority of your life - much easier said than done i know. but if the mere thought of taking on the career paths your family is suggesting brings you so much discomfort then imagine how much more miserable you'll be actually pursuing those careers just to make them happy! as difficult as it is, sometimes your own wellbeing and happiness should be your priority bc at the end of the day this is YOUR life and you have to be content with it. and sadly we live in a society where a job makes out a huge portion of our lives, so it only makes sense to pursue one that actually brings you some kind of joy or at least doesn't make you want to "kermit soupcider" (i should start using this shahajka) as you pointed out yourself. so please take your own interests into consideration and what you want out of life in general - maybe a prestigious career is just not what you desire and that's okay! and don't neglect or compromise your own happiness for your family's sake! your decision will most likely not be met with excitement or support but again this is your life and you are responsible for your own happiness 💛

as to how i deal with my family's projections on and expectations of me... i honestly don't even know.. i think i've just gotten used to being a disappointment to them at this point (sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.. i don't really have good coping mechanisms to offer 😔) there is just so much guilt and shame in letting them down and not living up to their expectations. in my case it's even worse bc on top of not pursuing the career they wanted me to, i am no longer pursuing the career path i chose myself either bc it impaired both my mental and physical health severely. and i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that something i worked so hard and long for and that my parents invested a lot of money in essentially didn't work out.. and that's a huge burden i carry around all of the time (tbh i need therapy just for this issue 🤡) so on top of going against their wishes, i failed to successfully pursue my chosen career and ultimately am left with nothing.. no respectable job, no income and i have to restart at square 0. so you can probably imagine the guilt, shame, embarrassment and humiliation i feel constantly... and i think with immigrant families especially there is even more guilt bc your parents made so many sacrifices in order to provide you with a better life so it always feels like you owe them something.. like you need to earn your right to simply live and be... like you need to prove your worthiness bc you need to pay them back for all the sacrifices they've made. like you need to show them it wasn't in vain and that you can provide for them. this actually reminds me of this screenshot from this post :

(i go more in depth about my personal situation in the tags of that post in case you're interested or might relate)

i think that's what hurts me the most bc i so desperately wanted to prove that i'm worth it. i so desperately wanted to be able to provide for them, to take care of them, to give them everything they deserve and need and it's so heartbreaking to realize and accept that i won't be able to do that... and if i would've pursued my career further, worked myself to the ground, neglected my own wellbeing and health even further i might've been able to do that. i probably would've gotten a well paid job at some point but at the cost of my own health and wellbeing. and would that be worth it? as guilty as i feel for letting them down and as disappointed as i am in myself, ultimately i did what was best for my own wellbeing. and that's what i suggest you should do as well. as selfish as thay may sound, we do not need to own our right to live even if our parents did make a lot of sacrifices for us (this reminds me of another great post ) obviously i do not know what relationship you have with your family or your dynamics and i don't want to discuss mine further as i've already overshared waaaaay too much 🙃 but we need to put our own needs and wishes first sometimes without beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves - again easier said than done bc i still frequently blame myself and just feel crushing guilt but we have to forgive ourselves very, very, very frequently! and i realize that our situations aren't entirely similar as you are still in the midst of choosing a career path and i already did and unfortunately it didn't work out as planned (but that's life.. also smth i'm trying to come to terms with) but i hope that this (way too lengthy) reply is at least a little helpful or reassuring for you. this probably isn't the reply you were hoping for... i'm sorry i can't provide you with any concrete suggestions or advice on how to cope with your family's demands while being insecure about yourself and your life bc i pretty much still deal with the exact same thing and it's still affecting me very much and causing me a lot of distress. but i do believe the key is to unapologetically create the life you want despite your family's objections, discard all guilt and shame, forgive yourself often and accept things for what they are, especially if you can't change/control them. once again much easier said than done (i know i keep repeating myself please bear with me 😭) but that's what i'm trying to live by as of now and i hope it helps you somehow 💌

finally, i wish you the very best for all your future endeavors and sincerely hope that you receive your family's support even if you choose a path that they are not thrilled with. i hope you have the strength to forgive yourself when faced with failure and that you'll be able to abandon any shame or guilt that might arise. most of all i wish you an abundance of happiness, serenity, prosperity, love, health and peace of mind 🤍🕊🎐 take care of yourself and don't be afraid to put yourself first! may the remaining year treat you gently and bring many blessings your way 💗🌟🦋🍀🥠🧿🏮

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

[lan-xichens]

wait no i also want to recognise that everything you said about wwx is super valid like i feel there's less of a debate there but!! oh shit wait maybe wwx does also have rejection sensitive dysphoria (an emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception that a person has been rejected or criticized by important people in their life. It may also be triggered by a sense of falling short—failing to meet their own high standards or others’ expectations.)

sorry for the complete spam but the rejection sensitive dysphoria can also lead to outbursts when you externalize it, ie in anger etc.- but it can also lead you to become like a people's pleaser (like i kinda do feel this sounds more like wwx) as for the like- starting something and not wanting to stop, i think it's a hyperfocus thing, bc you start something and you get in the flow and then you're afraid to stop bc when you pick it up again you won't feel the same (nd then you overwork yourself)

No no not spam at all! Sorry I couldn’t get to it the other day, but thanks for elaborating on this. But rejection sure is a theme amongst Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng like, oof.

But I definitely see how you brought that up for Jiang Cheng because, his entire life and story seem to revolve around him trying to earn his place and win the respect of those he cares about, but both intentionally and unintentionally, he keeps being sidelined.

First, by his parents:

And, both Jiang Cheng’s looks and personality took after his mother. He hadn’t ever been to Jiang FengMian’s liking. Since birth, he taught him in many ways, yet he still couldn’t change, which was why Jiang FengMian had always seemed as though he didn’t favor him too much.

Jiang Cheng pulled Wei WuXian’s hand away and stood up, letting out his anger, “I know! I know that I don’t have the personality he likes, that I’m not the heir he wants. He thinks that I don’t deserve to be Sect Leader, that I don’t understand the motto of the Jiang Sect, that I don’t have the air of the Jiang Sect in me at all! Those are all true!” - GDC chapter 56

How do you compete for the affection and approval of your parents if one of them rejects your entire being based on your personality? Jiang Fengmian’s favouritism towards Wei Wuxian is one of the massive parts influencing how JC and WWX interact, because there must be so so so much jealousy involved on Jiang Cheng’s part.

But even his mother never pulls her punches in criticising him, and adds fuel to this fire.

Jiang Cheng sat still as he looked up at her, “Mom.”

Madam Yu stood up and mocked, “What do you want me to do? Like your father, you want me to hold my tongue? You really are an idiot. I’ve told you long ago that you’ll never in your whole life be able to surpass the one sitting beside you. Not over cultivation, not over night-hunting, even over shooting kites, you can’t surpass him! It can’t be helped. Who could change the fact that your mom is worse than another’s? Worse it is, then. Your mom feels injustice for you, tells you countless times not to fool around with him, yet you’re still defending him. Just how did I give birth to a son like you?!” - GDC chapter 51

So between the two of his parents, there’s no pleasing either, no matter how hard Jiang Cheng tries to win their approval and live up to their expectations. I feel this is why Wei Wuxian attributes a competitive nature to him, but he misconstrues that; I don’t think Jiang Cheng seeks competition so much as he seeks approval, understanding the expectations of him as the future sect leader. He’s not trying to out-do Wei Wuxian’s cultivation because he wants to be better, necessarily, he just wants to prove to both his parents that he’s not... lesser than him. But he wouldn’t have had to do it if they hadn’t been the ones to constantly pit him against his brother in the first place!

But even with the situation being like that (and while we can address it in meta, I know this is probably not something Jiang Cheng could ever admit to himself or to any close to him lest he insults his parents), but even then, he seems to be able to take it in stride so long as Wei Wuxian doesn’t turn his back on him.

And that’s the unintentional part, because this does sadly happen, at least on the surface.

Their conversation at the Burial Mounds is one I’ve wanted to scream about for so long, because the miscommunications there run so deep you couldn’t see the bottom of it. But focussed on rejection, it’s this:

A while later, Jiang Cheng spoke, “Wei WuXian, have you still not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you really need me to say it out loud? If you insist on protecting them, then I won’t be able to protect you.”

Wei WuXian, “There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted. - GDC chapter 73

As some super helpful posts have already pointed out, Wei Wuxian’s defection from the Jiang clan is a disloyal thing to do, regardless of his reasons. But I also think that, to some extent, Jiang Cheng feels it as a personal rejection as well.

CQL adds two very painful exchanges here:

JC: They turn out to be a group of the old, young, and weak. All useless! WWX: All useless? Can’t you speak in a good manner?

Jiang Cheng means they are no threat, so the sect leaders are wrong. Wei Wuxian hears him dismiss the lives of those he must consider worthless. This leads up to:

JC: What on earth are you doing this for? WWX: Jiang Cheng, I’ll tell you honestly. Even if it weren’t for Wen Qing and her brother, or for anyone else, I’d make the exact same choice.

Jiang Cheng asks why he would turn his back on the Jiang clan, Wei Wuxian hears him challenge his righteousness and his reason for protecting the innocent. Wei Wuxian explains he would do the right thing for anyone, Jiang Cheng hears he would always choose to reject the Jiang clan, and by extension himself, no matter for who it was.

This comes back at the Guanyin Temple:

On the other hand, Jiang Cheng refused to give up, shouting, “Wei WuXian, who was the one who broke his promise and betrayed the Jiang Sect first? Tell me. That I’d be the sect leader and you’d be my subordinate, that you’d help me your whole life, that so long as the GusuLan Sect had its Two Jades, the YunmengJiang Sect would have its Two Prides, that you’d never betray me or betray the Jiang Sect—who was the one that said these?! I’m asking you—who was the one that said all these?! Did you eat all your fucking words?!”

He got more agitated as he ranted on, “And in the end? You go and protect outsiders, haha! The Wen Sect’s people, even. How much of their rice did you eat?! Defecting with such resolution! What did you take our sect to be?! - GDC chapter 102

Actually, while I love rewatching this scene as so many things keep jumping out at me, it’s even better to reread this part in the novel. I’d forgotten how much extra background we get on just how far this misunderstanding goes.

Why does Wei Wuxian tell him to let things go, and not to keep this matter in his heart?

Wei WuXian pressed his temples, “Forget it. It’s all in the past now. Let’s not mention it again.”

It wasn’t something he liked to reminisce about. He didn’t want to be reminded again and again of what it felt like when his core was cut out or what price he had to pay. If this were exposed in the past, he’d most likely laugh and comfort Jiang Cheng, ‘It’s not that big of a deal anyways. Look at me all these years. Without the core, I still managed to come through, didn’t I? Beating everyone I wanted to beat, killing everyone I wanted to kill.’ But now, he indeed didn’t have the strength left to put up such a confident, nonchalant pretense. - GDC chapter 103

Maybe I was the one who misintrepreted this line in my head, but CQL makes it seem so much like Wei Wuxian is fully at peace with giving up his core, and he wants to impress on Jiang Cheng to find his peace with it as well. But in truth, it’s exactly the opposite, because Wei Wuxian doesn’t want to admit to how difficult it was and still is for him, but he doesn’t want to show him that his decision haunts him.

Which just smacks of a conversation they still need to have.

And also begs the question why CQL went for the second bolded line; why have Wei Wuxian smile and comfort him and try to soothe things over? It was an incredibly sweet moment, sure, but the words were so confusing to me, and now I see why. His heart shouldn’t have been in it at all.

None of this addresses Wei Wuxian’s relationship with rejection at all - how he always struggles to find his place and to solidify his standing with certain people, but how it’s always on loose screws. But the way he treats himself as disposable, especially towards the Jiang clan, was still the whole catalyst for this situation in the first place.

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

[allegxdly]

ult group(s) tag

tagged by ♡ @icecreamscxups​. thanks zai!! i probably spent way too long on this but it was really fun and i enjoyed it! ily <33

ult group: seventeen / nct / clc

who was your first bias?   » svt: wonwoo   » nct: doyoung / mark   » clc: yeeun

who is your bias now?   » svt: chan (and soonyoung (& still wonwoo but shh))   » nct: none/all but jeno / renjun / dejun are the closest to the top of this spectrum   » clc: sORN but i love them all so much...

what was the first mv you watched by them?   » svt: don’t wanna cry bc someone put it in a “kpop choreos” yt vid so i checked it out heh   » nct: hmm that would be regular, i think. idk but my first wayv mv was moonwalk 🤩🤩   » clc: hobgoblin! fun fact i also rec’d this song to my sister and she really likes it and i am Proud of myself for that hehe

what’s your favourite mv?   » svt: don’t wanna cry or fallin flower but tbh all their mvs are soo pretty like,, getting closer? oh my? you can’t expect me to single out one lol   » nct: moonwalk hands down. i also kind of want to say cherry bomb just bc the choreo is yes   » clc: me has some very pretty sets and i love them a lot~ helicopter with all the fluorescent lights is also really cool tho! idk cube doesn’t try as hard with them and by now have “stopped supporting the development” of clc or some crap like that 🙄🙄 like if you look at the devil sets lmao. but i’d say me is my favourite!

if you could only listen to one of their songs for the rest of your life, which would it be?   » svt: oh sdsjdhj oh no either thanks or our dawn is hotter than day or home or us, again or smile flower or- i- stop this fuckery- i refuse to choose one 😤😤 but i’ll choose them for units~! for the performance unit i choose 247, trauma for hhu, and don’t listen in secret for the vocal dudes :DD   » nct: can i at least like choose one for each unit? yeah? either no longer or simon says just because that bridge 100/10. for dream, i want to say dear dream and definitely moonwalk for wayv bc i’m a huge sucker for that song if you can’t tell. as for nct u... there’s like light bulb and the 7th sense and without you and i- i’m- i- without you   » clc: yknow, me is just such a big confidence booster. that’s my answer~ i choose me lol

who would you want to see them collab with?   » just as a general thing i don’t really pay attention to collabs a whole lot lol... i know they bring more exposure to the groups & stuff or whatever it is and it’s also good to get that variety but idrk for collabs lol

what (mv) concept do you want to see them do?   » svt: ohh i think it’d be really cool if they did something with a softer vibe yknow,, like not as cute or bright as things like adore u or oh my but just kind of... soft... lol idk   » nct: something less electronic and flashy bc they’ve just done it a lot (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing), and it’d be nice for variety! variety is the spice of life, as they say haha maybe more of a royal concept or smtg ldkfskd that doesn’t really fit their discography tho does it haha   » clc: ......just anything pls i’ll be happy with any clc mvs it’s such an uninspired answer but ‘tis the truth, my friend

have you ever had a dream with any of the members in it?   » i’m going to answer this one collectively and um tw // gun/shooting/death (?) mention okay, take care of yourselves :) anyway i had a dream ft. seventeen where we were in, like, some sort of weird complex that was something like the pool we used to practice out (before when we could still practice indoors rip) and we were shooting some other ppl for some reason? i don't really know haha but my trigger was Not working so I'm pretty sure i died but it wasn't like a scary dream or anything

if you could spend the day with one member, who would it be and what would you do?   » svt: soonyoung or chan because i feel like i’d actually be able to, you know, get on with them and not be completely embarrassed the whole time. partly bc i feel like my personally is similar to both of theirs, in some sort of way, or know i could hang out with one and the other could be his plus one like zai suggested you know??   » nct: YANGYANG bc he’s hilarious and chill & all that and he’d be... relatively okay lol he’s a funny dude and i like humour   » clc: you know this might come come as a surprise but i’d like to hang out with the girl sorn i may or may not have screamed about her before :)

which member do you think you would get on with best?   » svt: chan or vernon i don’t really have an explanation,,,   » nct: dfhsndj honestly? i think yang^2 and i would have a jolly time doing dumb shit so~   » clc: i honestly have no idea lol i’m not the best at answering these ones

which member do you think you would argue with?   » svt: let’s be real i’d love to throw hands at seungkwan and i definitely would but it’d probably be about smtg vvv petty ;)   » nct: i’d fight all of them except taeyong he’s the only one whose judgement i respect. ‘kay that’s not true i respect taeil’s judgement too and kun’s (mostly) but i’d fight any of them. hyuck would pick a fight with me. i’d voluntarily argue w doyoung / renjun / chenle tho lol   » clc: nsdlkjs i can see myself fighting eunbin.... she wouldn’t argue with me but i’d argue with her

if you had to let one member scroll through your tumblr, who would it be?   » svt: joshua bc he literally had a tumblr acct too okay also he’d be fine and i have a relatively high amount of trust in him haha   » nct: taeyong cause half of my shitposts are just me freaking out and he’d respond to that best i feel like yknow?   » clc: elkie (SHUTUP) because she’d just laugh at me a little bit and would probably say i’m cute (which isn’t true 🙄🙄) or something

tagging ♡ @channoticedmeuwu @sweetlyjaem @moonbeamsung @neonun-au @starlightsooyoungs @leejunini @cupidluvstarrz​ @lunatens​ (luna i’m going to do your tag game now!) another tag game! um i have no idea who likes to do these so if you don’t want me to tag you, pls tell me :)) and ofc you don’t have to do it :D

[confessionsofabiguy]

LONG POST: So, I recently got engaged to my gf of 3 years about a month ago. I’m 36 and she’s 25. Everything is good “on paper”...she’s a great person, she had a good spirit, very intelligent, comes from a great family, nurturing, etc. She’s the first woman I’ve dated in over 10 years. My most recent ex was with a guy that lasted 4.5yrs. We’re still good friends til this day. However, something is missing is my current relationship and I don’t know how to process it.

Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with moderate anxiety and depression and I began medication to help treat it. I’d dealt with this in the past but never had been prescribed meds for it. I used to pride myself on my ability to always be “even keeled” mentally but with the pandemic and other drastic changes to my life, it became too overwhelming for me. I’m grateful for the meds bc I now feel a lot better. I also recently began therapy but the results are still pending since it’s so new.

With the meds I’m taking, it has seriously drained my libido which has, in turn, affected my sex life. I have absolutely no desire to have sex whatsoever. As a recovering sex addict, it’s been one of the best changes of my life. However, my fiancée is on the opposite end of the spectrum. She wants it ALL THE TIME. We’ve had numerous conversations about this with her explaining to me how she feels it’s not fair for her to not be able to express herself sexually like she wants. I actually agree with her. It’s not fair and I don’t know how to remedy this. I’ve explained to her about my past addiction and my current issues with my libido to no avail. She also suffers with anxiety and depression but refused to get back on meds or even begin to do the work with therapy. Again, I feel like I’m doing the work and working on changing and she’s not.

She was very sheltered growing up and hasn’t had much life experience whereas I’ve had a very full life up to this point which includes of course sexual experiences. She doesn’t like masturbating (she says it doesn’t feel right) so the only way she has orgasms is if I give them to her. She doesn’t want to use toys. I like all of that stuff and have very extensive sexual interest. None of which she’s interested in.

Another thing is...she hasn’t grown or changed one bit since we’ve been together and I’ve grown/changed quite a bit. She has no hobbies. She doesn’t know what she likes. She doesn’t really have any friends. She’s self-described as “very low maintenance”. Getting her to try new things is like pulling teeth. I once offered to pay for her to get her hair and nails done and I was given excuse after excuse why she didn’t want to do it. When it comes to the women I’m attracted to, I like certain things. I like a woman who takes some care in her appearance. Not necessarily a face full of make up or anything like that. Just switching up hairstyles or dressing up every now and then. I’m pretty thorough with my style and would like to see her match my fly sometimes. She’s only done this once where she had her hair braided for about 12 hrs and then took them down. I spent $100+ for her to do this and was so excited and turned on with the change. She looked so good! However, I felt extremely let down when she took them out. She only wears jeggings and t-shirts and wears her hair in a ponytail or bun. I understand the need to be comfortable but I just expect to only see her like this for the rest of our lives. This, in turn, feeds into my lack of desire for sex. I’m bored with it. It doesn’t turn me on. I have nothing to motivate me to even be turned on enough to be horny for sex. She just expects me to just be horny from being around her and I’ve explained that that’s just not how it works for me. When we do have sex, I feel like I’m just doing it for her. I feel like a character from Westworld where I’m only using my body for her sake. I feel like a robot just going through the motions. I feel pressured and I hate it so much. Not to make light of it or anything, but I feel like I’m somewhat being r*ped when I’m being put in a predicament where I have to have sex just to please her when I don’t want to.

Which leads me to this. This morning, one of the first things she said to me when I got up is requesting that I ask my doctor to change my prescription to another med that supposedly doesn’t have the side effect of altering my libido so we can have more sex. I immediately felt so bothered, offended, and quite frankly, disgusted by this which triggered my anxiety and depression. I feel like how dare she ask me to change yet another thing just for her pleasure. I’ve changed the way I smoke 420 (she hates it but tolerates it bc it was something I did before being with her). 420 is important to me bc it helps with my anxiety. I’ve started wearing more colors in my wardrobe (I mainly wore a lot of black and other neutral/earth tone colors) because she asked. I would grow my hair out at times bc she likes when it’s longer and curly. I just feel like asking me to change my meds so she can have more sex is crossing the line.

It’s really making me question if I want to spend my life with her. This isn’t something that’s just going to go away. I’m probably gonna be dealing with anxiety/depression for the rest of my life. I don’t want her to have to alter her needs/wants for my sake and vice versa. It’s not fair to either of us. Like I said, everything on paper is good. But things are off. I love her and her daughter. We’re financially in a great place and I love the life we’ve built together but sometimes I just want to be alone. I’m at my happiest and most at peace when she’s not home. I could handle all the financial responsibilities by myself but the same is not true for her. I sometimes imagine what life could be like without her living here and I hate to say it but I’m ok with it. I really do love her as a person but these other things that are off are slowly chipping away at my mental and spiritual peace. I don’t know what to do.

[yandere-society]

Yandere!CEO!Taehyung who is either obsessed with his assistant who is going to work for another Yandere!Ceo (Like Jungkook) or a coffee store owner where he gets his coffee from but the store is moving to a new town

I got lost in the sauce bc I recently watched The Devil Wears Prada and I saw ‘assistant’ and ‘ceo’ and I went off.  Hope you don’t mind :)

Admin/Writer- Chinkbihh

Words- 6.7k

Trigger Warnings- Sadism, verbal abuse, yandere Taehyung

Actually, The Devil Wears Gucci

 You had always thought that ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ was an over exaggeration of what a boss/assistant relationship could be.  

Until you met Mr. Kim.

Meryl Streep as a boss would’ve been an angel compared to the monster who signed your paychecks now. 

 You had moved to the city with the assumption that jobs would be readily available for your plucking, however not even Mcdonalds was willing to call back for an interview.  After living three weeks in the city without a job, you told yourself that you would apply to anything and everything you came across before resorting to less admirable means of getting money. So when you came across a job position for being an assistant to some company, you had half-heartedly sent an application- no expectations for getting any response. 

 Apparently, this place was more desperate than you for it took exactly two hours before some nice lady was calling you and begging for an interview. This should have been the first red flag, for what kind of office job was more eager than a fast food chain? However the pay was nice and you weren’t in any position to shrug off potential employers, thus you agreed to come in.

 The following day you arrived at the company and sat down with the woman from over the phone, answering her questions with as much integrity as you could muster.  You were answering the stream of questions with ease until one odd one came up.

 “Are you fast?”  She asked not once looking up from her little clipboard.  The question threw you off guard.

“I-I’m sorry, what are you referencing?”  Your confident mask faltered for a second due to your inability to understand what the fuck she meant.  

“You’re going to be asked to make runs to the most random places throughout the city under harsh time crunches, do you think you could do that?”  She seemed sympathetic as she said this, as if she really didn’t want to put you through that.

 This should have been another red flag, but all that popped into your head was coffee runs.  

You just nodded, sure you could do some running around to get some wealthy people a couple cappuccinos for their ‘productive’ meetings. 

 “Are you sensitive?”  

Your eyebrow rose on its’ own accord and before your mouth could open to ask for more context, the interviewer interjected by saying;

 “Our CEO is a very…um, blunt man.  Some people don’t like that personality type so we rather avoid employing someone who will crumble under that pressure.” This was yet another red flag. 

 One that you didn’t bother looking at as you just smiled and told her, “I promise to keep my emotions out of the professional scene here.”

–

‘Blunt’ turned out to be a really watered down version for what the CEO actually was; a heartless bastard with no concept of empathy.  You later felt backstabbed by the interviewer (Irene was her name) for downplaying such a demon. But you could understand her incentive to not scare you off, how else would they get any employees if everyone knew about the CEO’s true behavior?  

After your brief interview, Irene declared you more than adequate enough for the position.  She decided to show you around before your first day the following week. 

The office was modern and chic with everyone seated at different sections depending on their department.  You got the sense that it was an elaborate operation given the high-rise location of the office floor and the expensive furniture. Even the fucking coffee maker at the cafeteria was more costly than your rent.  Despite the modern and voguish environment, all the employees Irene introduced you to seemed amicable and kind enough. You did however notice the slight eye widen whenever Irene told them that you were going to be “Mr. Kim’s new assistant.”  

There was something that no one was telling you, but everyone knew. 

 You didn’t discover what it was until Irene walked you over to a door and told you that it was time to meet the man you’d be working for.  

“It’s very important that you knock everytime.  Walking in without warning will make him furious.”  Irene gently told you as she raised her hand to knock on the mahogany door.  

However before her small fist could make contact with it, the door was ripped open from the other side and a girl rushed out in such speed you could barely catch her face. 

 The one thing you did catch though was the blotched mess it was with tear streaks running down it. You heard her sobs sound behind you and get further and further away as she ran out of the office.  You thought you heard a muttered; “insensitive jerk” as she passed by.

 Irene side-glanced you and gave you an awkward smile.  It was obvious that she didn’t even know what to do. “Um…sorry about that.  R-Rose has always been a bit of a crybaby.”

 She was a bad liar. 

 Irene leaned forward in the now open doorway and called out, 

“Mr. Kim?  Is it alright if I come in?” A grunt was heard but this was all the confirmation she needed before taking your hand and leading you inside.

The office was large with the outer wall being all glass, revealing the sky-line of the other tall skyscraper buildings in the city.  The walls were white but every piece of furniture was black, from the tiny lounge sofa pushed to the side to the very frames the abstract paintings were held in.  In the center of such room was a large grey granite desk that held a golden name plate that clearly read; Kim Taehyung (CEO).

Behind the desk stood your new boss as he ruffled his hair in frustration. 

 His messy strands were icy blue that contrasted the copper shade of his complexion, the sun having seemingly adored his skin but the top of his head favoring the cold. (Or hair dye, but that’s none of your business.) He was tall with a broad torso, yet he was slender.  His olympian body was clad in a suit that you dared not ponder the price of, knowing it could only end with you in tears. His intense and dark brows were pinched forward in annoyance, below them were his egyptian-like eyes that held raven colored orbs ignited with a fire you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of.  His face was slender but his features were anything but. His nose being fleshy but straight and his lips being plushy and berry-red. Spotted on his face were tiny beauty marks that were spaced enough to form a miniature constellation.

He looked up at Irene and scowled, “I told her to get Park Jimin for a meeting and the dumbass calls Park Chanyeol on accident.  Now I have to deal with this dumbo eared giant in the lobby who can’t take a fucking hint that I’m not selling any of his shitty products on my line.”  He grumbled with a surprisingly gravely voice that was so deep it sounded like the devil. 

 You connected the dots with the poor girl who ran out of the room only seconds prior, assuming he fired her or at least yelled at her very brutally.  He huffed once more and sat down in his velvet chair by the desk and finally bothered to give you a glance, just now noticing the person next to Irene.  

“Whose this?  Don’t tell me it’s another brainless bimbo.”  

He spoke of you like you weren’t in the room, which caused your brow to tick in annoyance. 

 Irene nervously cleared her throat and said, “This is Y/n, she is your new personal assistant.” 

 His face was unreadable and stony as he gave you a scrutinizing gaze, looking up and down your form to drink you in. 

 You wanted to shift nervously under his piercing eyes, but you didn’t want to be another ‘Rose’ for him to berate so you kept your calm.  Something just told you that he fed off fear. 

Then he spoke, “Go to Starbucks and get me a caramel macchiato.”

 He didn’t look away from you, clearly addressing you.

Irene bristled beside you, “S-sir, she doesn’t start until-”

You cut her off with a grin as you stared right back Mr. Kim, “I’ll get right on that.  Hot or iced and what size?” -

-

Kim Taehyung was a monster.

His source of nutrition?  

The souls, hope and energy of those mere mortals around him.

  In a way it was awe inducing how brilliant that man was. As much hatred people may have for him, one could not deny Taehyung his respect.  It took a lot of hard work to get to where he had gotten at the young age of 23. But that did not shake the asshole regime his employees had to suffer through. 

 He wanted what he wanted, when he wanted it and exactly how he wanted it.  And if you couldn’t deliver upon such demands? Then off with your head and pray you never cross Kim Taehyung ever again. 

 Taehyung was not a boss who would pull one aside and quietly break the news that your services aren’t needed anymore.  No. He’ll scream it infront of everyone in the middle of a conference meeting and throw in a list of reasons why you should reevaluate your life for good measure.  

People bent so easily to him, submitted without question.  What was once a quiet and calm scene of friendly employees will swiftly change into a frenzied mess at a drop of a hat whenever Mr. Kim walked by.  

Panic would cause people to make copies of copies in fear that they’ll forget the important documents they needed to give him. People would leave elevators once Mr. Kim entered, always granting him his own ride to the top floor no matter how late they were running.  People only spoke when spoken to during meetings and when a deadline wasn’t met, they simply didn’t show up to work anymore due to the fear of facing the CEO. 

However there was a special infereno for the role of his personal assistant, one that you suffered everyday. 

 You caught on quick that he enjoyed giving you nearly impossible tasks, and he cared not about how stressful or absurd the demands were.

 “Coffee and bagel on my desk in 10 minutes or you’re fired.”

“Go downtown and get me those dumplings I like, be back in fifteen.”

“Go pick up my dry-cleaning and set up an appointment for a message at that one sauna in the west side.”  

“Get me the new Gucci robe or don’t bother coming in to work tomorrow.”  

“I got an urge to have a dog, go get one for me by 4’oclock.”

“The dog you got me threw up in my living room, here’s the spare key so you can clean it up.  Clean the rest of the place while you’re at it too.”

“I want a private jet…figure that out.”

“The tire popped off on my car on the way here.  Go pop it back on, it’s two blocks down.”

“Call Jung Hoseok and cancel our dinner plans, tell him he’s an asshole and his mother is a whore.”  

The last request was something he asked often of you, he particularly liked you sending over really vulgar messages to people.  

One time he caught you trying to sugar coat something over the phone and called you into his office to have a ‘talk.’

“Y/n, I believe I told you to to tell Mr. Lee that he could call back when he’s done with his head being up his ass.” 

 He menacingly glared at you as you tried your best to keep a straight face. “What did you say instead?” 

“I-I told Mr. Lee that you would further communicate with him once you deem him more aware and intelligent.” 

 He chuckled and rolled his eyes.  “Funny, that sounds a lot different that ‘get your head out of your ass’.”  

It was silent for a moment and you really wondered if you were going to lose your job just because you didn’t tell someone to shove it up where the sun don’t shine.  

Mr. Kim sat back in his seat and barked out, “When I tell you to curse at someone, you do it.  I don’t care who it is. It can be the fucking queen of England and you’ll call her a cunt if I order you to.  Now get out of my office and make yourself useful by fetching me a coffee.”

Now you didn’t flinch when you called other wealthy business people with cursing insults in hand.

  –

A month had passed and you had slowly become the longest working personal assistant for Kim Taehyung. 

 Other employees informed you that the longest run before you was three weeks and two days and the girl ended with a mental breakdown in the bathroom.  

When they asked you how you managed to tolerate all of Mr. Kim’s demands whilst not getting landed on your ass with him firing you, you tried your best to explain your strategy. 

 You weren’t getting paid to give your opinions. 

So whenever he ordered you to get him something under nearly impossible time limits, you just kept your mouth shut and ran off to compete that insane task. 

 It was hard given he never gave you establishment names of the places he wanted stuff from, it was always given in terms of “that out place in the east side.” “That one restaurant I like.” “That one gallery I visited last time with Jin.”  

And you always only had a short time frame to figure out where he is talking about, go there and get what he wanted, and return back before his timer went off. Sprinting down the busy sidewalks of the city had become a daily thing that was required of you.  

You would go out on these runs 3-4 times a day and do ridiculous calls about 5-6 times a day. Sometimes Mr. Kim would have this look on his face as he told you of your newest assignment, as if he anticipated your objection because even he knew how absurd his demands were.

  But you never gave him that satisfaction, knowing that he will get the upper hand and possibly fire you if you interjected in any way. 

So you would just always smile and tell him that you were right on it. 

–

Kim Taehyung rather enjoyed studying you.  

When he first caught sight of you, he couldn’t help but think you were very attractive.  Yet this didn’t cause his heart to grow fond of you at all. In fact it was almost a negative given all the pretty assistants he had in the past turned out to be dumbest. 

Yet in a matter of a few weeks, you managed to prove him wrong and exceed previously set expectations.  

He knew he was an ass.  And he wanted his assistants to know that when they first met him, never would he want to give a first impression of being a lax or laid back boss.  So maybe he went out of his way to make things a tad more…stressful for you.

  Taehyung couldn’t deny the slight surprise every time you simply responded with that cute grin of yours and pulled off every task that he even doubted was possible.

  After a few weeks of this, Taehyung was forced to acknowledge the fact that you were here to stay as you have proven yourself more than capable.

 But that didn’t mean he stopped fucking with you.

No, if anything he did it even more.  

He found it so adorable to view that expression of yours when you were faced with yet another idiotic obstacle he set up for you.  The slight incoming blush as your face reddened with a frustration that you dared not utter. The pursing of your lips as if you were forcing yourself not to object.  The delightful eye widen when he told you to make vulgar calls. That funny little eyebrow twitch you did when he gave you an especially difficult command. And your pathetic little attempt to mask your displeasure by plastering on an innocent smile and chirping, “Sure, I’ll get right on that.” 

 It was better than any comedy Taehyung could’ve paid to watch. 

 Taehyung was well aware of his own sadistic tendencies, therefore it made sense that he would have an odd sense of satisfaction from pestering you. 

 However the endgame most sadists had never came true in this case; you never broke. He witnessed many assistants crumble under him; whether it be by crying, screaming at him or just plain storming out. 

 He always won in the end, his trophy being their crack in sanity and composure. But you were stubborn.  

You refused to let him get to you.  Maybe that’s why he found himself slightly dumbfounded by you.  You swallowed your pride and did his bidding with a dog-like obedience that you obviously faked.  Yet you never cracked and humored him with a spontaneous rebellion to his dictatorship, you followed along but masked yourself just enough to have him thirsty to hear your actual thoughts and feelings.  

He didn’t realize just how far his fascination went until he found himself at a club on a Saturday night, sat in the VIP lounge with Kim Namjoon to his left and Kim Seokjin to his right. 

 They were sat at a U-shaped booth that was dimly lit and above the chaotic dancefloor that sounded below, their elevated position giving them a glamorous view of the most famous club in the city.

“Let me get this straight, your plan is to blackmail your cousin into signing off on this deal?”  Namjoon clarified while pouring the trio drinks.

 Taehyung shrugged and raised the glass that was handed to him up to his mouth, sniffing the over-priced alcohol before taking a chug of it.  “Why not? Business isn’t meant to be all clean and squeaky.”

 “Still, you’re out of your mind if you think your uncle isn’t going to get you after this.”  Jin retorted from Taehyung’s other side.

 “Jin, don’t think that I don’t know how you avoided giving your tax statements to the IRS.”  Taehyung bit back, not liking the hypocritical behavior of his comrades.

All the men at that particular booth were wealthy ceos who ran as kings in this particular city.  Taehyung wasn’t sure if he liked the term ‘friends’ but at the very least he considered Namjoon and Seokjin as allies in the cruel world of business.  He tolerated the two more than he did most. 

The discussion went on for another hour of so, drinks fading Taehyung’s mind as the man’s speech became increasingly more and more slurred with every topic they covered.  These topics ranging from the current market to interesting endeavors they have faced lately in their line of work. The drinks continued to pour, the bottles were bottomless for such rich men.  His inhibitions were lowered as well as his morals (what little there was left for him). 

He didn’t quite know how or when she ended up in his lap, but he did nothing to push her off. 

 All the molasses covered words she purred into his ear seemed all too appealing.

Her hold on him was instantaneous, something about her screamed a comfortable sense of familiarity that he couldn’t deny for the life of him.

The rest of the night was blurry, but a clear conclusion formed when Taehyung woke up the next morning with a stranger in his bed.

  –

She looked like you. 

 Alot.  

The resemblance was striking and uncanny.  

From her (color) hair, to her docile little features, to the figure shape and even the height. 

 If you had a twin sister, Taehyung was positive that he just fucked her into oblivion. 

 Taehyung had awoken the next morning with a feeling of arms around his waist and another body sharing his satin sheets.  This was not necessarily a new sensation given he had his own fair share of one night stands. But he was not prepared for what he saw when he rolled around to see which nameless woman it was this time.

For a moment, his groggy mind couldn’t comprehend that it was not you, for his brain simply matched up the looks very easily and deduced it as such.  

However after a moment of closer inspection, he noticed that it was a doppelganger but not the real you. The alikeness only took up his mind for a brief moment before he was forced to spot something else while studying the intruder.  

She had bruises. 

 Hand marks around her neck, blotchiness of getting spanked on her ass, love bites that were borderline black littered her body and those ruby stained lips were swollen and cracked from assault of the mouth. 

Taehyung was taken aback by the sight of such brutal violence that marked her otherwise smooth and unbothered skin. 

 If he didn’t know any better, he would have assumed that this girl was the victim of abuse. Yet the fact that she was in his bed had lead to the conclusion that he himself must’ve been responsible for such injuries.  

He always knew that he was rough in bed, but he never went as far as he clearly did last night with this woman.  

It was jaw dropping and a twinge of guilt even glimmered in his otherwise dead heart.  

He must’ve put this girl through hell itself last night just to satisfy his sick primal needs.  And later when he made his way to his kitchen (after telling his maid to wake the girl up and kick her out) an alarming thought bestowed upon him that was too spot-on and shameless for it not to be true.

  It was no coincidence that the one girl he slept whom held so much resemblance to you lead to the wildest night that unleashed his true sadism like it never had been before.

  His intoxicated self had connected the dots for him to face when he sobered up.

He wanted to leave those marks and bruises on you…not her.  

–

Your body was failing you.  

The moment you woke up that morning, a sense of doom was in the air as you discovered your nose was stuffed, throat sore and stomach uneasy.  You were sick.

 If God had granted you a nicer boss who understood the human body and the occasional decline in health, perhaps you would’ve called in for a sick day.  But asking Kim Taehyung for a sick day was like asking the Devil to read a bible….you might as well have just asked for a gruesome death. Taehyung didn’t believe in sick days and you were not in the mood to begin another fruitless job search, so you decided to take some aspirin and soldier on to the office. 

 “Coffee, bagel…you know the drill.”  Was the first words Mr. Kim greeted you with when you entered his office for the morning rundown.  He seemed oddly quiet this morning and he refused to look up at you from his desk. Which was somewhat concerning given he always glared up at you whenever he barked out his demands.  You simply nodded and attempted to shrug off this break in character before going off to make your first run of the day.

 When you returned with the usual coffee and bagel in hand, you discovered that Taehyung was not in his office at all.  You stepped out in search of him and Irene seemed to notice your struggle before telling you; “Oh, he didn’t tell you? He’s in a meeting right now with Mr. Jeon.  Check the conference room.” 

You quickly thanked her and made your way over to said room.  

You swung the door open to see two men (one being Mr. Kim and the other being yet another handsome but youthful man in a suit) talking with hushed tones that held a underlying vibe of anger.  

“Taehyung don’t fucking try me I swear to-”

“I’m not trying anything, Jungkook.  I think you got a little comfortable with your position without keeping in mind how you got there.”

“Excuse me?  Was this your plan all along-”The other man (who must’ve been Mr. Jeon) suddenly stopped talking as he noticed your form standing by the now ajar doorway. 

 This caused your boss to turn and face what took the other’s attention from the conversation at hand. Taehyung looked at you with a scowl plastered on his aristocratic face, eyes ruthless as they bored right through you. 

 You froze in place as your blood ran cold.  

You realised too late that you had made a mistake.

You were in trouble.  

“What the fuck did I say about knocking?!  You worthless bitch, does your stupidity know of no bounds?”  Taehyung snarled, causing your stomach to drop.

 “I-I just wanted to give you the coffee and-” 

He cut you off, “Details of your incompetence do not interest me.”  

Maybe it was because you were sick that your emotions were a tad more sensitive than usual, but for the first time you felt your eyes sting with the incoming tears that welled up in your vision.  Your body already felt beat but now your self-esteem took a plummet as well. Taehyung continued to glare at you but you tried to blink the tears away before they could fall.

 “I-I’m sorry.”  You stuttered before rushing to plop his food onto the table before him and scurry out of the room.  

–

Your brain was pounding as if a hammer was rutting against it with a vengeance.  Your stomach was twisted in knots as your throat screamed for some type of soother for the scratchy ache it was suffering. You sniffed once more and attempted to focus on the task at hand, answering calls left for the office, but your lids kept dropping due to your drowsy state.  You still were licking your wounds after what had happened earlier that morning, for the first time on this job- you fucked up.  

You weren’t baffled at Mr. Kim’s reaction, in fact it was to be expected for him to lash out like that. The only cause of disappointment was in yourself.  You messed up when you shouldn’t have and unknowingly let the fucker get to you. You hated the fact that he saw you near tears, you hated letting him see you in a vulnerable state.  You hated that you almost cowered in fear and let him smell the fear off of you. You were no better than the girls before you.  You were proud to think that he would never get under your skin and that you would continue to pull everything off.  

But of course there was such thing as the ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’.

 You didn’t want to face him, but after the morning progressed into the early afternoon; you were called into Mr. Kim’s office.  

“I need a copy of the sales reports on my desk within the next hour.  There will be a board meeting at one so I’m going to need you to sit in on that and take notes.  I will be going out for lunch via the reservations you made yesterday so if you can call beforehand to double-check that would be great.  Also call Kim Namjoon and raincheck drinks at Oliver’s, tell him that I’m free tomorrow night but not tonight. As for now, my brother recently had a baby so I need to send flowers, go out and get some ordered and delivered to the local hospital.”  He said all of this without looking up at you once during the dialogue, eyes scanning a paper before him as his deep and cold voice filled the room. 

You sniffed out of instinct that can’t be helped when one is ill, to this he looked up at you in neck-breaking speed.  

You thought that perhaps he was going to comment on your obvious impaired state now that he was viewing you, but instead he quirked a brow and asked harshly, “Any questions?”  

You shook your head no as you ran the mental list once more in your head. 

 “Then get out of my office.” 

–

You waited for the elevator to ‘ding’ with it’s familiar arrival.

You needed to leave the office and get those flowers your boss had asked of you, but also you needed to be back in time for that meeting.  So once again, you found yourself in yet another rush. Unfortunately, the fact that Mr. Kim’s office floor was the very top one meant that you had to factor in an elevator ride to and from the top whilst going on these errand runs. 

 You sighed in impatience as a few more seconds passed, time eating away more than you would have liked it to.  

Finally you heard a small sound that signalled an incoming elevator, you entered it when it’s silver doors opened for you. 

 You leaned against the wall and awaited it’s closure, but right when it was about to shut, a pale and veiny hand stuck out to stop it. 

 He stepped in, his face being familiar but not enough for you to correctly place your finger on it.  He looked at the buttons but he didn’t click any when he saw that you both were heading to the main floor. 

 The doors closed and you both quietly felt the elevator descend downwards, the two of you facing the doors.  

Once again, your sickness caused your nose to sniffle and this brought the attention of the man in the closed space with you.

  He turned to face you.  His doe eyes studied you for a moment, before a look of realization sparked in his inky orbs.  

“Are you Taehyung’s assistant?” You meekly nodded, just now noticing that this was the ‘Mr. Jeon’ that was in the meeting you had interrupted earlier that morning.  

You felt his gaze run down your face (which you knew was most likely pale and sick looking with a reddened nose to top it off).

 “I’m sorry about what happened earlier…my cousin has always been a jackass.”  He told you gently with that high-pitched voice of his that held a light musical tone.  You felt your eyes widened in slight surprise at the ‘cousin’ part, but nonetheless you kept your mouth shut.  You wanted to ask how the hell this guy was related to the spawn of satan himself, Mr. Jeon having a friendly and amicable tone while Mr. Kim had  stick shoved up his ass 24/7. “How long have you been working for him?” 

You didn’t know why he seemed so interested in that, but given he was your superior you answered; “A little over a month now, sir.” 

 He snorted at the ‘sir’ part but looked at you pitifully as even he must’ve known how hellish that month must have been for you.  It was silent for a moment and you both felt the elevator slow down, telling you that you were about to arrive at the lobby floor.  

“This might be a little unorthodox, but my company has a paid internship program if you’re interested.  It only lasts six months but if your work ethic is good, we can hire you as a full-time employee after those months are up.”  He dug into his suit and pulled out a business card before handing it to you. 

The doors opened and he stepped out, calling out from over his shoulder; “It’s not much, but it’s better than working for that asshole.”  

–

Taehyung was…sinisterly pleased.  

When you had walked in that morning without knocking, he was thrilled to finally be able to reprimand you.  Sure, it was a small and silly mistake. But it was the first slip-up you had in a month, and of course he was going to pounce on that.

The image of your glassy eyes blinking furiously away at stubborn tears was too good for it to not be burned into his memory.  The embarrassment that burned your face with a gorgeous crimson glow was a mouth-watering sight to behold. When your lip wobbled and voice broke as you for once showed him a side of you that he never saw before (a broken and weak one) he couldn’t deny the bliss that overtook him in that moment.  

He broke you.  

He won.  

He wanted to see it over and over again, your watery eyes and pained face that was laced in humiliation.  The experience triggering a taboo sense of arousal that had Taehyung taking care of himself under his desk minutes after the meeting finished.  

How badly he wanted to be the master of any further emotions of degradation, sadness or pity.  

How badly he wanted that expression to be saved for his eyes only.  

How badly he wanted to push you to your limits….

It took a lot of Taehyung to not tease you when he had given you your chore list of the day.  He limited eye contact and pretended to be engrossed in a stupid HR letter to maintain an image of aloofness.  But, it was important that you saw him as cold and unforgiving. A sadist needed to be feared. 

He awaited your return eagerly for the meeting that was to be held later that day.  He wanted to see if he would have a chance to yell at you and potentially embarrass you further in front of a board of directors.  But when he finally walked into that meeting with expectations set of you being there; Irene was in your spot with a notepad in hand.

 “Where’s Y/n?”  Taehyung whispered in the middle of the presentation to one of his most loyal employees.  

 In response, she nudged over a paper, still frantically jotting down information that Taehyung lost interest in long ago. 

 Taehyung’s hands shook in fury as he read the lines over and over again. 

 It was a letter of resignation.

  –

(Two Months Later)

You sat in front of this old and serious man as he looked over your resume once more through his thick prescription glasses.  

Your internship with Jungkook’s company did not last long.  Not due to a falling out or lack of good work ethic on your part, but due to a mysterious tanking of his company as insider trading and supposed tax evasion caused the business to fail.  

Although, this was the story that was released to the press.  Loyal workers of the Jeon Corporation will tell you that Kim Taehyung had framed him in a effort to get rid of competition.  Somehow, this story was more believable to you than the one the news reported on. 

Either way, you were out of a job and desperately needed to find a way to make a living.  So here you were, interviewing for some shitty saleswoman position in effort to pay your rent. 

“I must say…you have a lot of nerve being here today.”  The old man grumbled after looking over his notes once more.  You spluttered in confusion at this rude comment.  The interview had been going well…what happened?

 “Excuse me?” 

 “We called your former employers for a reference but since your most recent employer is facing jail time, we had to call the one prior to that.  CEO Kim Taehyung sent us a fax that said as a worker you have ‘problems listening to specific instructions, lazy and incompetent, and the worst mistake my company will make by hiring you for you cannot handle a shred of responsibility.’” 

 Your mouth went dry as you pictured the boss from hell laughing evilly as he sent this fax, most likely trying to ruin your life as some sort of sick entertainment. 

 “I-I can explain plea-” you attempted to speak, only to be cut off with just a look. 

 The old man looked at you with critical beady eyes as he pointed to the door and said, “I think you should leave.”

  –

You stormed into the familiar office with a rage you had never felt before. 

 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and your very livelihood was just fucked with.  How were you supposed to pay your bills or even afford to sustain your basic needs when you had someone like Kim Taehyung telling all future employers that you were ‘the worst mistake a company could commit’?

  He called you lazy and incompetent!  Not once did you fail him in any regard bigger than forgetting to knock on a door one time.  You waited on that man hand and foot while allowing yourself to be degraded in the process.

 “Where is he?!”  You growled to Irene from her usual spot at the front desk.  

“Y-Y/n, calm down, okay?  I know what he did bu-”

“Where!”  You exploded, sick and tired of her always defending him despite all the evidence of him being a devil and ruining innocent people’s lives.

She looked in your eyes and knew that she wasn’t going to convince you to leave.  Irene sighed in defeat and muttered, “In his office.”

 You ran to his office and visously ripped the door open to enter his little lion’s den that so many careers have met their end in.

  He was seated in his lounge area, a glass of Scotch in his large golden hand as he looked up at you in a bored yet amused stare. 

You approached him and he just grinned, a whimsical delight spreading across the elegant canvas that was his face. 

 “Y/n, I was expecting you!  Can you get me a refill babe? Ever since you’ve left I’ve had to get my own and frankly, I’m kinda tired of it.”  He casually called out, shaking the glass in your direction. 

  Your brow ticked in annoyance and you noted that it only made him smirk even wider.

  So your suspicions were true; he did take pleasure in the pain of others. 

 “What the fuck?!  What was with that reference you gave to that company?!  You know damn well that I was the best assistant that you’ve ever had, and this is how you repay me?!  Why? Why do you hurt me so much?” You hoarsely yelled as your voice gave out in the end, sadness beginning to overrule anger as you realized just how little your life meant to someone as big as him.

 Taehyung was quiet for a moment as a somber look shadowed his face. 

 Then a chuckle. 

That chuckle bled into a thunderous and roaring laughter as he clutched at his stomach.  After a solid minute of him laughing like a crazed person, he wiped his tears away and seriously stated;

 “Because I like hurting you.  And you will learn to like it too.  Did you think you could leave that easily?  Don’t be stupid sweetie, it’s not a good look and I know you’re better than that.  You might as well come work for me given that no other employers in a hundred mile radius will hire you.” 

 He got up and slowly stalked towards you.  

“You should know better than to try to leave someone like me.  But don’t worry, I’ll clear matters up in that dumb little head of yours.  You’re not just an assistant and I’m not just your boss. Your my pet and I’m your master.  I don’t care if you like it or not, because you only have two options. Accept it, or never get a job and starve out in the streets.  You will only ever work for and serve me. Sorry I didn’t run that past you when you were working here earlier. I wanted to slowly progress our way there but you left before I could have the chance.  Now I have no choice but to push this all on you.” 

He was only an inch away from your face now, beaming at your shell-shocked state before he plopped his drink into your hands. 

 “Now….I believe I asked for a refill.”

(oooof this was kinda trash so srry but that.  It ran for longer than I wanted it to so im sorry if it’s long winded.  Also spacing might be weird bc my computer is on crack cocaine so that’s fun.   Anyway, for inspiration I used @mint-yooxgi‘s Baekhyun yandere CEO story but obvi hers is much better so like check that out. Lemme know what you think and this is chinkbihh signing off.)