#it’s kind of funny to hear how the interviewer felt about the interview and Alex as someone who she found hard to interview

[jetskisonyourmoat]

Alex and Alt J (2018)

An old interview I’ve always loved and wanted to transcribe ☺️

Transcript below ☺️⬇️

Transcript:

Begins with host preamble

Richard: Hey Linda

Linda: Hey Richard

Richard: I've gotta ask you what did you think of this record the first time you heard it?

Linda: Hmm, it was surprising wasn't it? It was so different to AM that I remember hearing the first songs and going no, oh no, this is indulgent, oh no what has happened here. Then I kind of got more songs into it and I feel like I fell into this very cinematic, almost this vampire, hotel sounding world. That I then really liked.

Richard: I feel like it's very Los Angeles, and I kind of feel like he's looking at this like an outsider, being an Englishman, looking at this world. I find Los Angeles a very alienating place and I think, not to speak for Alex, but he's looking at it from an outside perspective as well. So he creates all these characters. Even the artwork reminds me a lot of the architecture of Los Angeles as well, so he's really kind of gone into a world of his own with this record and it really reflects in the music that he's made. It's so different to AM and it's really interesting to hear what Arctic Monkeys fans make of it.

Linda: Here's something that I'll say about it in terms of it following on from AM. I feel like there is this almost typical trajectory where a band will push that even further when they get to the next album where you imagine these stadium shining choruses. So, if the alternative to this album is that they would have made a stadium shiner album, I'm so glad they made this record. I'm so excited that they did something a little bit wacky.

Richard: It's very brave

Linda: Yeah (laughs)I don't know how people are gonna feel about it

Richard: Which usually record companies don't want. We don't want a brave record we want a hit record.

Linda: Yeah

Richard: But listen I'm really curious to hear this interview. You basically hung out with Alex Turner, you got to spend some time with him. He's not an easy person to interview. I've interviewed him twice and I've found him pretty awkward. How did you find him?

Linda: I think it was one of the hardest interviews I've ever done. Honestly, he was there we had a great amount of time together. We were there for about an hour sitting in the Capital Records Studios. So we're sitting where they record the Rat Pack albums and he's using the same microphone as Frank Sinatra and he's ready to go in the morning. And he I don't think has talked about these songs before or talked about the album before.

Richard: I reckon this is one of the first interviews he's done for this record, Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino. It's out now so lets have a bit of a dive into what this record is all about.

Start of Interview with Alex

Linda: Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, what is it?

Alex: Well it's the record yeah

Linda: Where did that idea, and that model and therefore the album come from?

Alex: The model you mean the record sleeve? That model. I think the title come from, I liked the idea that the record would have the name of a place, because records and songs that I love, when you really fall in love with it it does seem like a place like you go and you can keep going back there and you sort of sometimes me move in there for a while I think.

Linda: Yeah

Alex: I started work on this in my studio in the basement at home and this zone became known as the lunar surface amongst friends. The reason for that, you know there's like the conspiracy theories about Stanley Kubrick faking the moon landing and I think there was this idea I was going in this room on me own and working with these machines on this music. I think there's just this idea of like what's going on in there and there's this idea of like faking a lunar landing. Sort of became synonymous with what we were doing in there. Tranquility base is the site of the first like, the moon landing and I just saw those words written down on these cups that I've got, glassware. And (laughs) and I wrote the line because it seemed to make send to name the record after this place.

Linda: All of these, kind of like you say, records, they are a place and they are a world that that artist has created

Alex: I think so, possibly more than anything else I've done, and that sort of working by me self might have something to do with why it is the way it is.

Linda: Can I talk a little bit about how you not only created that world in the musical sense but that you physically created it too?

Alex: Emma, who works with Ian and I, we were having a meeting when everyone started to hear the music and she's like, I don't feel like- it doesn't feel like we can just cob a picture of the band on the cover and lob it out with the music. And that like stayed with me, that was when we were in London like before christmas and I came back here and just started like becoming quite obssessed I think with the idea of making the artwork. I quickly got to this place where i thought , well if that's the name of the record, an architectural model seems like what should be on the cover. So then I started hinking about how you do that, cause I suppose you can get someone to do that and I don't know. Eventually I just fucking got a load of cardboard and like a knife and started hacking it up.

Linda: Did you know what you were making or did you kind of…

Alex: No it was like a-no not to begin with. I started off, I drew a, it was as simple as it's the sixth record so i drew a six sided shape and it was like- made a right mess from there.

Linda: How long did this take you?

Alex: Couple of months I was at it. It's funny we're having this serious conversation about this cardboard.

Linda: Yeah, i'm kind of picturing you holed up, almost obssessed, like being out at dinner but thinking about using a razorblade

Alex: It's much worse than that, its- yeah it was a strange time. Where it all came together, what do you call that the denouement was. There's this restuarant called house of pies and I was driving back with a car full of cardboard one day. And the house of pie sign revolves and I was like when I'm working on this stuff it's in the studio where I'm working on the record and the machine- the 8-track machine that i recorded some of the stuff on in the beginning, this revox reel to reel A77. I'm driving past house of pies and I'm thinking how can I make a revolving sign, and it's like you obviously turn the revox on its side and stick the sign in that. Cause I think- I remember when I was finished I was thinking we probably don't need to tell anybody that that was me- then cut to me now (Linda: It's so good though) spilling the beans

Linda: Well we can talk about music

Alex: I don't know, we can continue talking about cardboard. I suppose the thing with it- I suppose. I was looking at some of the stuff and I read something or saw something where somebody had said, there's really no course you can take in doing that. You know you just have to try and you learn how you're gonna do that by doing it. Which is like quite a few things I imagine like that.

Linda: Let's talk about the role that the piano plays on this album.

Alex: The piano was a gift from me manager Ian for me 30th birthday. Yeah so that became the centerpiece in the studio and I've pretty much played it every day since it showed up there.

Linda: Had you been drawn to playing piano a lot in the past?

Alex: When I was an 8 yeat old kid, me dad took me to have lessons and it may have lasted a year but I never really took to it. I never remember enjoying it that much be I had. I remember realising that I could hear the difference between the notes. I knew when I was doing it wrong is what I could remember from that. When I were a 15 year old, he brought us a guitar home and I got really stuck into that and didn't put it down. The piano thing I had like, I could play a couple of chords and give the impressiont that I could play it better than I actually could.

Linda: How did that feel, writing in terms of freedom as an artist, or a point of difference. How did it compare?

Alex: I don't know what I would have done without it, I had no ideas and through that suddenly I started to have ideas. I just knew everything I was about to do when I pick up a guitar. And then so you change that, so there's that side of it, I feel like I've heard people say plenty of times. It brought out this character. I like the idea of, it made me like thinking in a different way. I think the lyrics were different as a result of the chords my fingers had fallen on.

Linda: It ends up sounding like a diffeernt and kind of surprising and herefore wonderful album in the end. How did it feel when you brought it to James Ford or to the band and stuff?

Alex: Better than I expected to I think. Jamie came and we worked on stuff together for a couple of weeks. And it was during that time that i was encouraged that i was barking up the right tree. It did seem different to what we'd done before, but his enthusiasm I think for it, was like lets go this way then.

Linda: It feels like it would have been so fun after doing something like AM to do something that just kind of turns off and changes direection.

Alex: Which I think it does in some ways. But then sometime parts of it I hear a quite-

Linda: Theer are some parts that feel quite groove driven in the same way AM does.

Alex: Exactly, I think we've gone a bit deeper down in that direction (Musical break) I think like lyricaly there aren't to many similarities. But to a degree that's always been how we've felt going into these things. I honestly don't know like how we would have done something like that, the AM record I mean. I don't know how thinking about it, we would have done anything other than this.

Linda: When you were mentioning lyrics just then and saying that they're different to AM, are they autobiographical or are you kind of just thinking in a character when you're writing those songs.

Alex: I think it's both of those things and it sort of drifts in between them. Some lines in it are just totally, almost me having a word with me sen, more so i think than before really. I think it was a friend of mine that said to me, you've done the love songs, I'd love to hear you do something that's not that. Or the type of lyrics on AM and what that's all about. There's kind of no more ways I could say that anymore and I think that's what my friend was getting at and it did come across to me. I was like yeah I would like to do that, but I think any time I'd tried to go to some of these places in the past the poetry just wasn't there for me in the past and this time it I think I managed to find it.

Linda: Yeah maybe the piano tapped into it (Musical break) There was a point where I was thinking about this album and I don't know how conscious of this you were when you were doing it, but it feels interesting to listen to it now because we're consuming it in this world that almost feels like it's plummeting towards kind of technology and the future whereas sonically this record feels like it harkens back to something quite art deco, but a the same time it's talking about current things that are going on.

Alex: The battle between the future and the past.

Linda: Exactly, were you concious of that when you were doing it?

Alex: I think that's what- I suppose that's what I'm talking about when I say, I'd struggled to find poetry in that before and I didn't know how to write about that. I feel this way about our first album like the types of things we were writing sbout there a lot of other people were writing about at that time and have done before that. But there's something about the style that makes it work. Hopefully it's the same with this.

Linda: There's such a visual stance with this record because you know, are you going to be making a film that goes with it or?

Alex: There's no plans to make a film with it because it's supposed to be what it is. We're not coming out in space suit or anything or like pretending there's zero gravity.

Linda: You could probably do it.

Alex: Maybe I'll do that.

Linda: You could make it happen.

Alex: Yeah just (Linda: Band in space) Moonwalking subtle.

Linda: The Lunar, what did you call it?

Alex: Surface?

Linda: The lunar surface tour

Alex: Yeah that's it (Linda: This could be the one) Well Bowie had the 'Serious Moonlight Tour' didn't he?

Linda: He did.

Return to hosts

Richard: That is actually interesting Linda, I've been wondering how on earth they're going to represent this record on stage.

Linda: I know and how it would fit in with the back catalogue as well.

Richard: Yeah, I mean obviously the back catalogue is not going to be forgtten but they're gonna have to squeeze this knew world of the Artcic Monkeys in amongst the live performances of those big tracks off AM. I like bands being brave and I think this is a record that by years end all the UK critcs will be claiming how brilliant it is and it'll make a lot of top 10 lists. I think fans will be divided, I think anyway.

Linda: I think that's a good thing.

Richard: Thanks for the sharing the interview with us on the 2018 podcast.

Linda: Hey look I'm glad that I got to do it even though you know i was saying it wasn't the easist interview to do, it was certainly a real one.

[rwrbmovie]

RE: Red, White & Royal Blue

Quotes from interviews on #RWRBMovie about the book & film's story

This post will be updated as content is released

Click here for the other roundups

Notice something missing? Here's my inbox

Last updated: August 7

From Glamour

Says Galitzine, “We were all aware that we wanted to make one a classic rom-com but with a sort of new spin. Matthew's a very sensitive, very feeling person, and we obviously wanted to inject our movie with that kind of emotionality. He had a great balance in being able to facilitate both lightness and emotion within his work.”

Zakhar Perez tells Glamour he knew the movie “could be something special” as he read the book—a feeling that only amplified after seeing the script.

Galitzine continues, “It's a really heartwarming story. Not a lot of films like this are made, and I hope it's important for the LGBTQ+ community because there needs to be more films like this. I hope it resonates with everyone. I've been really touched to hear how widespread the book became and affected many people from many different backgrounds. I hope our movie can do the same because a lot of love went into it.”

From Entertainment Weekly

"I first read the book in early 2020 and I decided I wanted to make the movie by page 100," he tells EW. "I fell madly in love with the characters and I wanted to bring them to life on the screen. I also was excited at the prospect of filming scenes set in the world of the presidency and the British Royal Family. I shamelessly harassed [producers] Greg Berlanti and Sarah Schecter into backing me with the studio to direct it. The idea that someone else might make this movie filled me with unbearable jealousy."

But now Lopez gets to turn his eye to a happier gay love story. "[I found] in the book something I had rarely seen on screen: a love story between two young men that is hopeful, funny, and deeply romantic," he adds.

From People

Perez, 31, tells PEOPLE it's "a classic fairy tale with a twist for all generations," adding that he hopes viewers take away "joy" after watching it.

Shahi, 43, says it was a "no-brainer" to sign up, as she "fell in love with" the screenplay for the film, in which she plays Zahra, President Claremont's deputy chief of staff and right-hand woman. "I was floored by the dialogue," she says. "It didn’t matter that it was a gay love story — it was a bottomless well of relatability. Love has made a fool of us all at one point or another, and it was nice to see myself in both characters."

From What to Watch

"I mean, it’s a fairytale, right? It’s just an absolute fairytale, there’s something aspirational about it, and when I read the books, it just felt like a wonderful bit of escapism. I think the reason people love these characters so much, in the book, and hopefully when they see Taylor and Nick in the film, is that these two people can only exist together in fiction, right? The rarefied world that they live in, that these two rarefied worlds would collide like this, can only happen in fiction — that’s what makes it so delicious. For me, there’s something so beautifully ludicrous about how sort of unattainable their lives are, and it allows us actually to go full circle with them and deeply humanise them in some ways. That’s the other thing too, they live these extraordinary privileged and sort of high-flung lives, but what I’ve always loved about the book and what was really important to us in creating the movie was that there are two beating hearts at the centre of this book. At the end of the day, you actually end up forgetting that they’re two princes, basically, and you really do, in the novel, and I hope in the film, just fall in love with these two people."

From Vanity Fair

“I read the novel back in early 2020, and I fell madly in love with Henry and Alex,” López says from his home in the UK. “There are a lot of projects that have come and gone in my career that I have had the ability to let go of,” he continues, “but if I wasn’t able to make this movie, it would’ve cost me something. It was really a very, very irresistible passion.”

From Out Smart Magazine

With the film’s highly-anticipated release approaching, López reflects on the imaginary world that his cast and crew created in this film, and how this story of queer love can impact people of all ages who yearn to see more representation on screen. “It’s aspirational. We knew we were very consciously making a fairy tale. But I think it’s within fairy tales that we we express our truest desires in some way. I think that, for me, seeing this kid living this life is something that, if this book had been around when I was 18, 19, 20, or maybe even younger, it might have helped me. I’m hoping that the movie can do that, as well.”

From TV Times

'Beyond the LGBT love story itself, this is about two people who are trapped by circumstance and responsibility, and how that can get in the way of love,' says Nicholas. 'I think that's a very universal feeling.'

From BroadwayWorld

I read the book in early 2020 and I fell madly in love with Alex and Henry. It was the two characters. Everything else I loved as well, but those two people, that love affair that they have, it just turned all of my imagination on. I really wanted to make this movie in order to tell their story.

This movie isn't designed to address the issues that you mentioned. It isn't designed to fix the problems. That was never what this book was intended to be and this film isn't. What I hope is that this film does in some ways give solace, in some ways bring joy. I think at the end of the day, bringing joy to people who are under siege is a very valuable, valuable tool in the arsenal. I think Alex being someone who sort of sets a goal for himself and his family politically and that in the fairy tale version of it, he pulls it off. That these two people, through their queerness, can change the world. I think the other thing that you learn from this story is that like the best way to challenge the preconceived notions or to challenge authority is to be yourself. I think that you see that happening in America where in response to these draconian laws, it's like, instead of don't say gay, we're gonna scream it. I think that defiance, which has always been a hallmark of the queer community, is going to serve us well. In a very rom-com fairy tale sort of way, Alex and Henry do the same thing.

From The Queer Review

“I actually discovered the book a long time before most other people did because I was sent it pretty early on. I fell madly in love with it and I knew very quickly that I wanted to make this movie. I started lobbying for this job very soon after the book was published. When I started working on it I didn’t really pay attention to what the book was doing in the world because I was already focused on the movie. It wasn’t until September 2021, when it was finally announced that I was directing it, that I noticed something. Overnight I got about 15,000 new Instagram followers. It was right after the Tonys, so initially I thought that maybe it was because I had just won a Tony. I was like, ‘Wow, that’s a lot of new Instagram followers for the Tonys!’ Then it started to dawn on me that it was down to Red, White & Royal Blue. I remember saying to Casey McQuiston at one point, ‘You know your book is really popular, right?’ She was was like, ‘Yeah, I know. Thanks for telling me that!’ I think I needed to work in that place of ignorance because if I had understood just how popular the book was I probably would have frozen up.”

From Tatler

'I read it – like most people in America – and fell madly in love with it,' says the film's director, Matthew López. 'There was something very hopeful, romantic, funny and sexy about it. And I thought, "Well, if I can't turn this into a movie, then I should just stop doing anything productive with my life."'

[meraki-yao]

What a wonderful post to wake up to, I can’t stop giggling. I freaking love this. (and ended up answering with an essay)

Here’s my two cents on it:

I do think actors have a sense of professionalism that us non-actors don’t understand that allows them to have conversations about scenes and on-screen intimacy fairly seriously, the same way we don’t understand how they can act so in love with each other without actually falling. That being said, Taylor mentioned in a Podcast interview that it felt funny thinking about it afterwards, that they were talking so seriously and detailed about sex or a kiss or a touch, so we’re not completely alone in that sense of “what the fuck”.

A bit of tangent: When it comes to a character’s body language, there are two things. (Full disclosure, this is in no way professional, I’m a big fan of performing arts but I have absolutely no training whatsoever, this is just how I understand it) There are character designs, and then there are actor habits that carry on to the character. Take Henry as an example: fidgeting with the signet ring is a deliberately designed move. This isn’t something Nick himself does and probably needs to consciously remind himself to do it when he’s Henry. But Henry did a thing when he was talking to Alex at the NYE party, where when he laughs, he covers his eyes (it’s adorable), and that’s not just Henry, that’s Nick. Nick, as himself, has a tendency to do that. Hell, he does it in the GQ interview when Taylor’s naming different types of cheese. (again, adorable, both of them.)

On the subject of the hair grabbing, it kind of depends on whether the line was written first. If Matthew wrote the “He grabbed my hair��� line first, it’s fair to assume Matthew took this line to the boys and told them “hair grabbing is a thing between them now” and the boys, consummate professionals, go “alright then”, and the intensity of hair grabbing varies with the intensity of the scene. But if they had that discussion first, then Matthew went to add the line, well… yeah pretty much what you said, and I also want answers as to which of the four clever bastards came up with this genius, sexy idea of a character design.

I am also immensely curious how the discussion on the love-making scene went because no matter how professional the boys are, come on. Doing what they did is an entirely another level. Matthew mentioned he and Robbie actually… got into bed together to figure out the logistics of it. Jeeze, imagine the boys showing up and Matthew going “hey, we figured it out, here’s a video, pay attention.” God, with all the details in that beautiful scene, the discussion must have been… a lot. And I wanna hear it.

But what I’m more curious of, is WHO THE FUCK MADE THE DECISION TO LET ALEX/TAYLOR BARE HIS FUCKING TEETH IN MORE THAN HALF OF THE TIMES THEY KISS????

BECAUSE THERE’S NO SPOKEN LINE ALUDING TO THIS. EVEN IN THE BOOK, AT MOST THERE IS THE “I’LL TAKE YOU APART WITH MY TEETH SWEETHEART” LINE AND EVEN THAT SOUNDS LIKE A STRETCH FOR THIS DESIGN.

THIS IS ENTIRELY A BODY LANGUAGE DESIGN. MEANING THIS DEFINITELY BELONGS TO THE TYPE OF DISCUSSION MENTIONED ABOVE, WHERE THE FOUR OF THEM SAT DOWN AND ONE OF THEM DECIDED, “HEY TAYLOR, YOU KNOW WHAT ALEX SHOULD DO WHEN YOU TWO MAKE OUT? BITE.”

It’s just… such a distinct thing I picked up when watching it? There are times when Alex smiles into the kiss, which is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen.

But during the first kiss, Alex/Taylor bares his teeth into the kiss, but he’s not smiling. In the red room, it’s also not a smile. The man is straight up biting Henry/Nick’s upper lip. In the kiss after “It’s your royal highness!” in Alex’s room, you can hear their teeth clack. In their open mouth kisses in Paris, you can literally see Henry/Nick’s upper lips get caught by Alex/Taylor’s teeth. Hell, there’s a considerable number of times where Henry/Nick’s upper lip is red, a bit swollen, and like, two times thicker than its usual state.

This isn’t a usual kissing thing, right? Having your partner bite your lip, that’s got to be extremely intimate.

SO WHO THE FUCK DECIDED ON THIS???? SERIOUSLY WHICH ONE OF THEM SAID “LET’S PUT SOME MORE BITE INTO THIS” I WANNA KNOW, I WANNA KNOW HOW THAT DISCUSSION WENT, AND TO WHOEVER THE PERSON TO STARTED THIS, WOW, AND I THANK YOU FOR THIS DECISION.

Alright, I have mostly restrained myself, but I cannot stay quiet any longer. There is a question that has been eating at me...

Whose fucking idea was it to have Henry (Nicholas) constantly grabbing Alex's (Taylor's) hair?!

Note: I'm adding this in after finishing writing this because this was supposed to be a relatively short post, and then it spiraled out of control, so if you want to listen to me gradually lose my sanity over this question, feel free to keep reading, cause it is admittedly funny lmfao

Another Note: This is me being overly sarcastic and hyper cause it’s funny for me to think about that situation. This is supposed to be a funny post. I said that at the end, but I’m adding it here too.

Listen, remember what they said about the intimate scenes: they were planned down to every detail. Remember what Nicholas said about having conversations with Taylor, Matthew, and Robbie about boundaries, what was okay, and not okay. Remember that they have A LINE IN THE FILM ABOUT HENRY GRABBING HIS HAIR (iconic).

Do you see it? Do you see where this is going?

The hair pulling/grabbing is not random. It doesn't happen in just the New Year's kiss to set up a funny line later.

It happens all the time.

Even in soft moments, Henry has a hand in his hair.

The hair grabbing gets its own shot in their love-making scene.

Consistent small actions (twisting a ring, biting nails, drumming with fingers, etc.) are character habits. They're things that they do all the time, subconsciously or for a decisive reason, usually if you know that action causes a specific response that you want for any reason.

There's a coworker that drives you crazy, so you purposefully hum really loudly whenever they're in the room to piss them off. Your friend has a sensitivity to the color red, so on days you know you're going to see them, you avoid wearing it. Your partner has muscle cramps, so you massage their shoulders whenever you're standing behind them.

These habits usually start as conscious decisions, then gradually become subconscious, hence the term "habit". You've been doing something for so long or for frequently enough that you do it while on "autopilot".

I think it's pretty obvious why this action happens. It's because A: Henry likes feeling of his hair, and/or B: Alex likes when someone touches his hair. Note: This could be in any context, not just sexual; running fingers through it, washing it, styling it, etc.

Either you figured out what I am going to say, and you're wondering why I'm blabbering on so much, or you're just confused about where I'm going with this at all, so here's where it all clicks together.

When you have a character, habits are something you give them to give them more personality, more insight into their mentality through subtle things they do. It's something the director/writer/actor chooses to give to the character.

BUT - nothing in the intimacy scenes happen without being discussed and agreed upon.

This isn't like Nicholas fidgeting with the signet ring to show Henry's nerves. This isn't like Taylor frequently making little hand gestures (peace signs, finger guns, tapping the side of his glass, etc.) because Alex has undiagnosed ADHD and that's one way to physically imply it.

They can do those things without being told or given "permission" because it's their portrayal of the character, it doesn't effect anyone else, and small details like that are typically up to the actors, unless the director is incredibly strict.

BUT - AGAIN WITH FEELING - NOTHING IN THE INTIMACY SCENES HAPPEN WITHOUT BEING DISCUSSED AND AGREED UPON.

That means that someone, one of the four of them, brought up grabbing his hair as a suggestion, and further more, Taylor (and Nick, but obviously Taylor's consent is more important in this specific case) was fine with it.

Think about it. Think about them sitting around a table discussing the kinds of stuff that Matthew and Robbie would want to see, and what Nick and Taylor would be okay with. Think about the fact that one of them was sitting there, and looked at the other three, and said: "What if Henry grabs Alex's hair a lot?"

And then the four of them had to sit there, and talk, in depth, about what that would mean.

*inhale*

Who... the fuck... said it?

WHO SAID IT?!

Did Matthew and Robbie present it as part of the initial planning?? Or did one of them look Taylor and Nick in the eye and say it?? Did Nick throw it out there as something he thought Henry would do?? Was it Taylor??? Since it's his hair???

Cause it's not just like, running Nick running his fingers through it, combing it during some tender moment, like when Alex talks about his father being an immigrant.

HE FUCKING GRABS IT.

What the fuck were these conversations like?! I cannot think of a single way to have that conversation where someone wouldn't have to say something that would make me make me go UHHH-

What? So - Matthew's like "how do you guys feel about touching each other's hair?" -and they're like "what, you mean like running our fingers through it?" -and he's like "nah yanking it while you're making out"

Like... what do you say to that?! - "oh which one of us would do it to the other?" -and what, did Taylor fucking volunteer?? Just like - "he can pull my hair, it's chill" - WTF?!

Or did he suggest it in the first place, like they were discussing things that would that could be part of Alex and Henry's dynamic and he's just like - "he could pull my hair?" -and the other three just stared at him for a second, because wtf that's a intensely intimate action to suggest?!

Hair touching in general is really intimate, in like, every context, at least I think to most people, and definitely to me. Most people wouldn't just let someone, even someone they were friends with, start playing with their hair or touching their head. I wouldn't even let my best friend randomly touch my head; I would instinctually try to bite their hand off (not a joke). Maybe I'm a slight bit more touch-repulsed than most, but I feel like it's safe to say that the majority of people don't want their hair and head being touched, grabbed, or played with unless they say so.

And again, they do it CONSISTENTLY. It's not a one and done scene. It is an actual dynamic between Alex and Henry they chose to establish.

SO I ASK AGAIN: WHOSE IDEA WAS IT?!

I'm looking at you four, Matthew, Robbie, Taylor, and Nicholas. I know it was one of you cheeky bastards that suggested it. One of you brought it up, and the rest of you were like "sure".

I will be forever haunted by this mystery, as I doubt I will ever get an answer.

Note: - Please don't take this super seriously. I'm not trying to imply anything; I'm literally just joking around cause the concept of having that conversation boggles my mind lol

[gra-sonas]

What was it like to do the time jump this season and see what that time has done for your character? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, well, it’s definitely been an interesting time lapse. Last time, before the lapse, you see his father being killed, which probably brought about a lot of complex thoughts and emotions for him. So, to have that time jump, he probably had a lot of therapy during that time. I feel like he comes into season three with like a little bit of a lighter energy, he’s probably had to the process a lot of that stuff. He has just a little bit more freedom within himself to be himself and I think that that’s probably one of the most evident things. He and Guerin have sort of stepped away from each other, but I think that’s probably for the best at this point. So, he’s kind of just exploring himself in a really new light.

I don’t have to tell you that your character is a fan favorite on the show, I’m sure you’re very aware of that. So, what has that been like to see the fan response, how much they respond to this character, love this character, and root for him? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, I mean, that I can talk about for a while, because it’s pretty amazing, in a nutshell. I feel like to live in a day and age now where a gay character can be celebrated so much, just in the masses is so important, which is one of the main reasons I really wanted to take on the role, because there is such a shift in narrative. I just think the fact that it’s so supported as a storyline and he’s so supported as a character, it’s really inspiring to me. So, it feels gratifying and as an actor, to be able to express love towards another man on camera, it’s pretty liberating because it’s been a taboo thing for so long. So, it’s really empowering as an actor.

The show has already been renewed for another season, so huge congrats on that. What was that moment like when you found out the news? I believe you were still filming, so it must have been nice to know like this wouldn’t be the last time playing this character. Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, I mean, everything has been a whirlwind in 2020 and 2021 now. We were shooting season three during the pandemic, which was equally intense and comforting at the same time just knowing we had a job and things like that. So, it was a crazy time. Then hearing about season four definitely felt like a whirlwind, but also great because it just solidified multiple things: that the cast and crew would have work and also, that the fans clearly are stoked. So, that’s great.

Again, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that you are also part of a fan favorite ship. So, what can you tease about them? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, well, I’m not gonna say too much because I definitely think that this season has some interesting moments in it that I think should be left to surprise, but I think that at the base of everything no matter what their actual relationship status is, to quote the show, there’s something cosmic about them. That kind of love just never goes away completely. So, they are taking time apart, they don’t have a relationship outside of just kind of friends at this point, but I think that they’re building a foundation that could potentially lead to something else. I think that their history was like so wrought with just chaos and a little bit of trauma, I’d say. So, I think this is an opportunity for them to sort of reimagine themselves and potentially their relationship, so you’ll have to see how that unfolds. It’s not like just overnight they’re gonna wake up and be in the same bed together, you know? So, there’s a progression.

Obviously, this is not your first hit show, you were also on Pretty Little Liars. So, if you could bring any of the PLL characters to Roswell, New Mexico for an episode, which would you pick? Caleb, can be included as a choice too. Tyler Blackburn: Oh, that would be interesting. Man, I might bring Caleb, but I also might bring Spencer, because Caleb and Spencer, they both are extremely intelligent and well versed in computers and things of that nature that could be advantageous to have around in Roswell. So, I’ll say Spencer, I think that would be interesting. I also feel like she would probably really believe everything that’s going on pretty easily. I can’t imagine the other girls being like extremely on board with everything.

For the next episode, we got some promo pictures and fans were beyond excited to see that Alex will be having a scene with Liz. What can you tease about that? Tyler Blackburn: Yeah, it’s definitely fun to have scenes with Jeanine. They are friends, they’ve been friends for so long. So, we don’t really see them interact too much. The scene, basically, I’m doing Liz a favor and I think that ultimately it just shows their dynamic and it shows that everything aside, they’re just always going to be there for each other, to help and kind of talk each other down a bit. So, that’s kind of what you see as evidence in that scene. Yeah, I think it’s gonna be good. Jeanine is just such a delight. She’s always in a good mood, which it’s like, “How can I have some of that? Please give it to me.” She’s so made for this role, not even just as Liz, but as the female lead of a show. She’s just so empowering and so empowered. I really actually look up to her a lot. I call her for advice, it’s funny how sometimes art imitates life in that way. Jeanine is incredible, she’s so deserving of what she is experiencing in life right now. Suddenly, this is like an interview about Jeanine– no, but I just love her so much. So, it’s fun to work with her.

If you could create a tagline to describe what is to come for Alex in the rest of the season, what would you pick? Tyler Blackburn: I’m trying to remember every detail of what does come, because we shoot it and then it’s like, “Wait, what did we shoot,” because I want to give a good answer. I keep thinking of those Housewives shows, where they have taglines that are– I haven’t watched one of those in years– but they’re like, “I love money and dogs,” that’s like their tagline. What is Alex’s? I think that there is a really interesting turn for him where he starts to question what he knows to be true. So like, ‘All is not what it seems,’ maybe? Something like that. I mean, that’s kind of applicable to those Housewives, because I’m sure what you see on screen is not the truth.

[deppsessed]

Good luck charm #2

Part one here

Pairing: Johnny Depp x reader

It’s taken me a few weeks to write and be happy with this part to post. I hope that you all enjoy it and that it was worth the wait. 

  A few days later, I swear I can still smell the musky scent of Sauvage, and the taste of cigarettes on my lips. It’s hard to comprehend any of the last seventy-two hours being real, and going by Alex’s (who I’m sitting opposite having coffee with) reaction and raised eyebrows at me retelling the whole story, she’s having a hard time with it too. And in all honesty, I don’t blame her, it’s a lot to process.

“So, he invited you to the concert after party?”

I nod my head and take a sip of my coffee. 

“Yep.”

“And he took you back to his hotel room? Where you-”

My lips curve into a smirk.

“He sure did.” 

“And you’re aware of the fact this all sounds like a badly written fanfiction?”

I have to burst out laughing. There’s no denying it because it really, really does. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried.

“Did I tell you about the part where he had to get his security to smuggle me out of the building unnoticed the next morning?”

For me, that had been the most amusing part of the story. Having breakfast with him as if it was the most normal thing in the world. After a few more spent kisses and I’d decided that it was time for us to part ways, he’d sent in his security in to make sure I got out of the building safely.

“But the real question is… Has he called or texted you?”

He hadn’t yet. The band had played a show last night, and would be travelling again for their next tomorrow. I wasn’t hanging on and waiting for him to reach out to me either. It would be pretty easy for me to pick up the phone and call him too, but I refused to be that desperate. 

I shake my head in reply to Alex’s question.

“No, but he gave me his number.”

“So, he’s waiting for you to call him then?” 

Realistically, the chances were that it was a one night thing. I wouldn’t hear from him again and we’d go our separate ways. I’d rather be hit with the reality of the situation than holding out on hope for a phone call and being disappointed when it didn’t happen. 

“I’m not going to. I don’t want him to think that I’m pining over him and completely desperate!” 

“You’re insane… You know, if he wasn’t in the slightest bit interested then he wouldn’t have given you his number to begin with.”

That was a true enough point to make, but I’m still not deluded enough to give into the fantasy. I’m ready to give her a reply when my phone, that’s been sitting on the table in front of me, starts to frantically vibrate. 

“Oh my god!” 

Alex spots the name on the screen before I’m able to take a glance. 

“He’s calling you! This really is a badly written fanfiction!” 

I shrug my shoulders and continue to let the phone ring out. If it’s important, he’ll leave a voicemail. 

“If you don’t answer that, I will!” 

I scowl at her and shake my head, it’s hard to believe that I’m the one that’s being responsible about handling all of this. Before she’s able to reach for the phone, I’m swiping it off the table and standing up. “I’m at least taking it outside.” I grumble under my breath.

“Hello?”

“Uh, hi-” The voice on the other end is raspy and familiar. I can just about see him fidgeting around like he does in interviews when he’s nervous. “It’s Johnny.”

Silence.

 I’m confused. Does he want me to make the next move?

“Right… Your name rings a bell. There was this Johnny, that the other night I went to go and see his band and ended up spending the night in his hotel room-”

I don’t even mean for the words to sound as aggressive as they do .

“I feel like I owe you a little of an explanation -- I don’t usually do this. I, uh, I don’t usually invite girls - especially fans -  back to my hotel room, and not call for three days.” 

So it’s one of those phone calls, where he’s expecting to let me down gently and feels the need to explain everything that I already know to be the case. 

“There’s no need to make a fool of yourself�� I get it.” 

“I don’t think that you do.” 

What isn’t there to get? 

“I get it. I mean this is probably the part where you offer me an obscene amount of money to not go to the press about it. You don’t need to worry--”

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I freeze dead in my tracks, the thoughts of my overactive imagination and the words that I’m about to hit him with come to a close. Am I hearing things? Did he really just say…

“What?”

“It’s probably a really bad line. I don’t know if you heard me, I said….”

God, he’s insufferable. 

“No, I heard you… I just don’t get it.”

He has his choice of any girl in the world. Models, actresses, and here he is calling me.

“The other night was special for me-”

It’s a cliché, and just about the worst thing that he could come out with, but I’ll let him continue. 

“Listen, this probably sounds insane… but I want you here for the show tomorrow-”

He can’t be serious or that disconnected with reality. But then I remember the industry that he’s been working with the past thirty years, where he doesn’t have a nine to five job to cling onto, with a snap of his fingers he can pack his bags and travel somewhere else.

“I can fly you out, get you into the concert.”

That’s it. I can’t hold in my laughter, and I can just about see him pondering on the other end what’s so funny about his offer.

“I have a job-”

“So, call in sick?”

“It doesn’t work like that or that I don’t want to. It’s just, if I let you pay for the tickets and fly me out then that’s cheap, and I don’t want to be that person.”

There’s a long, drawn out sigh on the other end of the phone.

“Let me call you back.” I tell him, “I’ll see what I can come up with.”

---

A family emergency had been the most inventive thing that I’d been able to come up with, but it at least stopped any questions and pestering from work and friends about skipping town all of a sudden. The process of getting there had been planned to perfection, he was going to have one of the band’s security head on out to the airport and take me back to the concert venue - even if I had told him ten times how ridiculous it was and that I could get a cab, he had been insistent. 

The journey from the airport to the venue has me pondering the insanity of it all. Both in him actually wanting me here, and me going as far as to make it happen.  

The car pulls into the loading bay of the venue, where the tour buses and trucks with the band’s gear are on it. It’s when I get out of the car, that I notice him, like he’s just stepped off a photoshoot, puffing on a cigarette. I make the conscious decision to take him by surprise and sneak up on him.

“You know, those things are going to kill you one day-”

He startles, just about jumping out of his skin and choking on his cigarette in the process. 

“Too bad we’re all going to die anyway, so we might as well indulge in the bad things while we’re alive and kicking.”

“That’s a little of a morbid stance to have.”

He laughs and shrugs his shoulders, unphased, “Calling me out on my smoking and then calling me morbid might be the best ‘hello’ I’ve ever gotten.”

He flicks the cigarette to the floor before stubbing it out with his shoe. He stands there with outstretched arms, ready to welcome me, but in blind panic I go for a handshake rather than a hug.

“Hi.” 

His eyes widen, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I can almost see his thought process of just how he’s going to redeem himself and move on from the award pause.

“Hi,” There’s a long pause. “Was your flight okay? You got here safe?”

Thankfully, the flight had only been a couple of hours long - but that was more than enough time for me to spend on a plane. There was something about being in a constricted space, thousands of feet up in the air that made me nervous. Plus, without fail, I always felt disgusting afterwards.

“Guy beside me was snoring and drooling the whole time, I felt incriminated.” 

“Should’ve taken my offer to fly you out first class.” I snort and roll my eyes at him. We’d already been over this, I’d made myself clear, I wasn’t going to be his groupie.

“Actually, without being rude, is there a place I can go and shower first? Being frisked at security and sitting on a plane kind of makes me feel gross.”

His eyebrow raises in amusement, I can almost see the cheeky comment that he’s threatening to make on the tip of his tongue, but something stops him.  “Tour bus is free at the moment. I can give you the exclusive tour, too.” 

Showering on a tour bus. Great. Exactly what I had in mind. 

“Ladies first,” He gestures with his hand for me to move in front of him. It doesn’t take a scientist to work out that the giant black RV with the band logo across it is where we’re headed..

Much to my surprise, going inside, it’s more like a luxury hotel room on wheels. It feels a better standard than my apartment back home.

“This part is the kitchen…. We don’t use it much, aside from the mini bar.” 

It doesn’t even qualify to be called a kitchen. It’s a tiny little counter space with a microwave, a coffee machine, and a mini fridge. 

“And this is where we sit and relax, talk, play guitar...” He points towards the plush leather sofas adjacent to each other. “The cool part here is that the wall slides back if you need more space.”

“Impressive.”

“These are the bunks where we bring back the groupies.” 

I’m unsure whether they look claustrophobic, like I’ve heard many complaints about, or if they look quite cozy.

“There’s a proper bedroom through there too, but Alice and Joe usually fight it out for it. I don’t mind sleeping it rougher.” He explains with a shrug of his shoulders. “Bathroom is through the back. Take as much time as you need. I’ll stand guard for you.” 

“Thank you.” I look up at him with a smile before brushing past to open the door on the back wall that extends out into the bathroom. Much to my surprise, the room isn’t all that smaller than the bathroom in my apartment back home. The shower, that I assumed was going to be a small, cramped space, is quite spacious. The only strange thing is stripping down and knowing who is standing guard by the door.

He’s in every way true to his word, too. As I turn the water off and grab a towel to wrap myself in, I can hear a disagreement going on outside between Johnny and Tommy about the bathroom being otherwise engaged.

“I’m telling you, dude, you’re just going to need to find somewhere else to go and pee… Bathroom is off limits!”

“But I can’t hold it in, man! I’m dying! You think I can use the kitchen sink?”

Johnny starts to laugh at him, “You can’t be serious!”

There’s a little more toilet talk back and forth and laughing still going on by the time I’m dressed and nudging the door open carefully.

“Um, hi, Tommy.” I greet nervously and fold my arms over my chest.

“Oh! Now I get it… You have a girl here!” 

I can feel a blush rise to my cheeks just thinking about what is no doubt going through his mind. Thankfully, Johnny comes to the rescue.

“It’s not -- it isn’t that, Tommy.” 

“Oh, I’m sure.” He gives a wink at the two of us. “I’ll leave you to it, J-man!” And just like that, Tommy is off the bus.

“I’m sorry about him.” Johnny sighs, “He says what he thinks, there’s no stopping him.” 

“It’s fine,” I brush off, acting as if I’m unbothered. But in reality, that one comment has gotten to me. I can’t help but have the niggling thought in the back of my mind, if that’s the way that Tommy is going to react, then what is the rest of the band going to be like? 

---

The concert was amazing, even better than what it had been a few nights ago. I’d watched the show from the side of the stage, and could safely say that this time, Johnny had been looking and smiling at me. 

I hadn’t wanted to face the confrontations of the band after the show, so after the encore, I had decided to hide away in Johnny’s dressing room to look at my phone for a moment of peace and quiet. If I was to exclude the fact that it was Johnny Depp’s dressing room that I was sitting in, it would have felt like the first normal moment of an otherwise bizarre day. 

The door flying open makes me look up from the screen, to see Johnny standing there, still hot and sweaty from being under the lights. 

“Everything okay?” He asks with a concerned expression, “You weren’t there when I came off stage. I was a little worried that I’d scared you off.”

I’m hardly going to tell him that I’m scared of running into the band when he’s the one that’s brought me out here to be with him. “I just didn’t want to get in the way, I thought you guys would be in a race to hit the showers.” I lie coolly. It seems to be good enough, since he goes to change the subject.

“What did you think?” He asks, a grin firmly in place on his lips. “Could you see and hear alright? The speakers weren’t too loud?” 

I grin and nod my head eagerly. “You sounded amazing! Heroes was phenomenal...” I probably sound like I’m trying to impress him, but it’s my favourite song that the band do.

“Ah, you see,” He pauses to take a drink from his water bottle. “I think I had a little bit of extra good luck, with being cheered on the side front.” 

I can feel that warm feeling of heat going up to my cheeks, and certainly not for the first time today. It makes me feel so powerless and awkward to just stand and say nothing.

“Um,” He scratches the back of his head, “You must be hungry?”

Starving, actually. I hadn’t had anything to eat since getting here and been too shy to pluck up the courage to ask about food since getting here. I’d accepted my fate and growling stomach a good few hours ago.  But regardless, I downplay it, “A little, I guess…”

“Do you want to go and grab something to eat? I need to get showered and changed first… 

I’m not certain what prospect makes me more nervous. Dinner with him. Or dinner uncomfortably sitting around all of the Hollywood Vampires eating. Both make my stomach flip. Especially since he isn’t going to specify.

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[geekygoddesss]

The Boyfriend Tag [Calum Hood Edition]

Summary: an unfiltered interview featuring Calum Hood and his girlfriend.

Words: 4.7k

“Hello! I’m Calum Hood, from 5 seconds of summer” He greets to the camera. 

“My name is (Y/n) and I am dating this guy. Today! we are going to be answering this tag thing” I answer in a more excited tone, as I point at the camera. 

“The whole band has done it, it’s only fair I do it as well” He mentions  “We’re currently at home, where we all should be” He says, looking at the surroundings of our sweet home “...so we have more than enough time to get to this”

I smile “And here it is” 

                                                       _______

How did we first meet?

“Through friends” Calum explains shortly “it was nothing super special, sadly, she just happened to be friends with one of my friends and that’s how it happened” he shrugged. 

There was really not much to tell, Our story simply happened in a very natural way. 

“My friend invited me to LA and I met him in...If I’m not mistaken it was at a brunch party?” I explain. 

“You’d be right” he nods  “then a series of things happened and she ended up joining our team”

I smile to the camera “In case you didn’t know. I’m a music editor, I like producing and tweaking, so you could say we would see each other a lot” I shrug. 

“And things happened, went on a couple of dates, did my magic…” he added, moved his fingers in front of the camera in a funky way and finished with a “...and here we are”. 

Where was our first date?

“We went to a concert” I exclaimed, growing really excited at the memory “it was crazy, we literally started with a bang” 

“Yep and it wasn’t planned at all” he laughs, rubbing his jaw with his hand as he spoke “I originally had the plan to go with Ashton to this Chainsmokers show, we wanted to take advantage of that to talk with Drew and Alex after, but Ashton got really sick and since I had the ticket and couldn’t just let it go to waste, I asked this beauty to go with me” he said, reaching over to squish my cheek. 

I move away as an instinct, but I love it. 

“It was awesome, those guys really put up a good show” I add, smiling as I spoke “I got really drunk that night” 

Fun fact. I don’t know what came over to me the night of our first date, but for some reason, alcohol played a big part that night, it was embarrassing, but it was worth it. After all, we made a great memory out of it. 

“Tell me about it” Calum said, rolling his eyes. 

I blushed, but before he could say anything else, I swang over to him and covered his mouth “Shhh” I giggle, scotting over to his side “He kind of babysat me, sorry babe” I said, uncovering his mouth. 

“Kind of?” he asked with a sarcastic tone “Geez, I can’t even answer to that. Next question, I don’t want to tell this story” he said, shaking his head. 

I roll my eyes “Drama queen” I shrug “I got drunk and he had to take care of the rest, it was both fun and weird”. 

“Next” he states, passing on to the next question. 

What was your first impression of me?

I have to take a moment to answer this question, not because I don’t know what I like, but because I struggle remembering what exactly was that caught my attention. It only took me a few seconds to answer. 

“My first impression of you was that you were really quite but still very present in the room” I speak first “it’s hard to explain, because we literally met in the middle of a conversation but basically” I try to explain, shifting a little in my place  “I remember standing in one place and hearing stories from other people, I was completely not familiar with anything, I didn’t know any of them so everything they said was pretty much new, but you always had a fun insert to add, even though you barely spoken that was something that stood out for me a lot” I say, nodding towards him. 

“Mine was more or less the same, actually” he says, acting surprised about my answer “because you’re always very quiet when being on a crowd and that stuff, you always stand back from having too much attention” he explain. “it’s funny because, the first day I met you I remember, I greeted you and all, we didn’t really talked to each other and I didn’t hear you talk either, however, when our food delivery came in the first thing I heard you say was ‘yo, I bet you can’t sniff of this paprika’” he says, a smile growing on his face, until full giggles starting coming out of his lips. 

“Did you really had to say that on camera?” I sigh, acting annoyed, but I really wasn’t. 

“It was hilarious” he says, still laughing. 

I know this is a fact that kind of embarrass me, but watching laugh it off was completely priceless. 

When did you meet my family?

“I met your family on the day you launched your third album” I start answering the question, as soon as he finishes reading.  “it was such a big moment and you flew everyone in, it was the first time I ever got to interact with your mother and -well- everyone, as your girlfriend and not just a friend” I explain “also it was the first time I stayed over at your place for more than two nights”

“It was a extended pijama party” he mention, nodding at the camera with a serious look “no, uh, there’s a reason behind all that. When it came to this situations, I very much preferred for her to stay at mines while my family was in there than to have her alone at her apartment, so I took the chance” He shrugged, reaching over to pat my tight. “It was fun!” 

“It was very fun” I nod agreeing “I love how your mom takes the lead in the kitchen and no matter what you say, she is the one in charge” I laugh, remembering all those discussion for who was the first cooking dinner at the house.

“Mom doesn’t love my cooking” Calum admits with a sigh. 

I nod “I don’t know why, if I’m honest”  I add“She makes some exceptional fish and chips though, it’s just...” 

I have to close my eyes to add some drama into all these. I loved food, and that was definitely one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time. I knew Cal’s mom loved to cook, and it was an honour for me to try her meals, they were heaven on earth.

“Yeah I know” he chuckles “How did I meet yours?” he asks to himself and sighs  “I didn’t”

My jaw tenses a little, I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming but I didn’t care at all. 

“I’m an orphan, don’t cry for me, I’m fine, I don’t need to talk about it” I state, moving over to his side and hugging him “you are my family”

He smiles softly at me. “Yes I am, baby” he says kissing my forehead. “Next” 

Who said “I love you” first?

“Eh...I did” I admit, with a shy smile on my face “guilty” I add, raising my hand. 

“She did” he seconds, pointing at him. “it was adorable”

That phrase made me cringe for some reason. Not that I denied it wasn’t adorable, it was just some awkward moment that I came out of me and I still feel unsure of. I am not often the one who speaks up, so doing this was pretty ballsy. 

“Was it?” I ask, unsure “It was too soon, I dont know...”

“It was alright, really” he says, shaking his head and going over to rub on my arm a little “we were having one of our famous, drink and watch, where we watch movies and every time something specific happens, we drink a shot” he starts telling the story, also making the fun add on of our usual date nights. 

“And I was like, woooh woooh” I say, trying to imitate that very moment. I lean over him, and leaning my head too close to his, I press my head on his cheek and whisper “I loaf you, Cayum” making it coming out as a loud muffled sound. 

“God dammit” he giggles moving away just a little “I mean, it did sound like that, but it was cute and I said it back” he says, rounding his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer.

“At first I felt weird because I thought I shouldn’t have said it right there at that moment, but if I’m honest” I add “I was fine” 

“We were fine” he continues, leaning in to kiss my temple “more than fine”

What dressing do I always wear?

I look at him up and down.  It’s kind of funny, because with this whole situation, we both happen to be in our pajamas, so our dressing code has been turned around for the moment. My vision of what he could be wearing on the daily has been distorted. 

“Pfff” I sigh “I don’t know, I really don’t” I confess. “You are very weird with fashion, I must say, I don’t think you often wear the same thing” I say, looking over at him. 

“I sure do, I can think of a couple things” He says, smiling at me with a teasing smile, silently encouraging me to think. 

“Well, you do wear hoodies often, at home mostly” I say, being the first thing I can think of

“Like this one, actually, it’s like your morning hoodie” I giggle, reaching over to tug on the hood. 

He was wearing that very soft white hoodie he would reach over to every morning, if there was a little bit of a breeze out there. She loved it, it was a nice piece of clothing to hug him in. 

“There you go, see?” He chuckles, shaking his head  “Mine is easy because every day of your life you wear socks that reach your ankles and beyond” He smiles, looking down at my feet and staring at my socks. 

“Ding ding ding!” I celebrate, smiling at him “You are so right!” I laugh.

He nods, he knows he was right. 

“Show the public, please” he suggests, giving me the honours.

“I have pineapples today” I say, lifting my foot as much as I can and holding it up to the camera. “Yesterday I had dogs and I have all kind of patterns, I love collecting socks” I smile, looking down at the pretty pattern and admiring it. 

“It’s a fun thing to collect, I like it a lot actually” He admits, staring at it too “Do you have your 5SOS socks already?” he asks, as I lower my leg to its previous position. 

I roll my eyes “Oh, shut it” I groan, he breaks to laugh and he knows why.  “you didn’t let me design socks for your merch, now I don’t want anything” I say, scooting away from him

“Right” he laughs, shaking his head and laughing “Next question”. 

Weird habit of each other?

“I know one of yours” he says before I can even answer. He turns to me, looking at me with a mysterious smile. “I’m going to leave it at your choice, should I tell or should I not?” 

I look at him with the same look he gives to me, trying to see in him what he had in mind. I might have some weird habits, I was just hoping he wouldn’t pull out the worst. 

“Shoot”  I say, glaring at him. 

“Everything you do, you find a way to relate it to a meme” he says, looking straight at me and laughing as he speaks “I don’t even know how you do it, you just do” 

“Oh man! that’s not that bad, but I wasn’t expecting that at all” I laugh as well, finding it kind of funny that we went in with this one “I don’t think you have a bad habit, but, if I must say one, I would say your silence” I say slowly, not really sure if that even count. “you are one quite soul, Cal” I add, bumping our shoulders together 

“Am I?” He says, raising an eyebrow up as he spoke. 

I nod  “It’s like, sometimes  I ask you something and you just do this” I explain, resting my head over my chin and looking straight at him, saying nothing but still saying much. “I’m not a mind reader, pal” I mumble, still looking at him. 

He leans over and touches my forehead with his, looking at me straight in the eyes and mumbling.  “You should know what it means” 

I roll my eyes. “Uh huh” 

He would never admit his silence was weird, but that’s okay, it was something of him that I really liked.

How long have we been together?

“Almost two years” Calum says, his voice sounding sort of surprised as he spoke. 

“It doesn’t feel like two years, how scary” I add, leaning my head on his shoulder “I feel like time really flies lately, these past two years between working with you, having all these changes and moving to this city, I felt like it’s only been a couple months” I mention, reflecting about all of the little things that have led us to this moment. 

“That happens when you’re having fun baby” 

I smile, bumping my shoulder to his “It’s been the best two years, I hope you know that” 

What was our first road trip?

“Here’s the thing” he says, taking the lead “We often do small road trips to little parts of the city, so I would dare to say our first road trip together was... Mexico?” he says, looking at me in doubt. 

“I think so, I’m not sure” I say, thinking about it as well. “but I think our most special trip was not even a road trip, it was a full on trip, remember?”

He frowns a little, turning to look at me looking for more clues. I didn’t gave more information away, if he knows, he knows. 

“Which one?” He asks, still thinking about it.

“The first trip we did together, we were around 8 months, I would say” I say, still maintaining the mystery, until I decided to drop it.  “We went to Australia, made a stop for three days and then New Zealand” I explain. 

“Oh that’s right! yeah, you are right” he nods energetically at my answer. “We went visiting my family and exploring, it was a whole deal” he explain, now with a smile on his face. 

“I think that even counts as a road trip, we used your uncle’s jeep, visited some awesome places” I say, smiling as well “I loved it, I always wanted to go to Auckland and having the chance of exploring the city was the best thing ever” 

He nods, agreeing with me. That particular trip was the first trip we ever did together as a couple and it was worth every second. 

“I had fun too, it was a very special time” He agrees. “Fun fact, a song came out of that trip, and you would never guess which one, but if you do, let me know and I might tell a story” He states, pointing at the camera, and looking at it with a completely serious look. 

“Please do, guess” I chuckle at that statement “That story is going to fuck me up”

First thing you noticed about me?

“Now this is a question I like a lot” Calum states, sitting up straight and getting excited about his answer “Here’s the thing, the first time I met you was on this brunch thing and it was... a private event” he starts “it was interesting because in this event they had like a whole dancing thing, musicians, a DJ... the thing is, there was a particular moment of the event where they were playing jazz and the way she lost it while listening to that... that was priceless” he noticed, smiling at me “the way you lose yourself with music it’s something I won’t ever get tired of” he said in honest words. 

That statement made my heart warm up. Those were one of the most adorable things he had ever said to me. 

“Thank you” I said, with a hand on my chest. “The first thing I noticed about you is how good you are with words” I said, as part of my answer “I think some people, especially guys, sometimes come out as assholes when they want to cause a good impression, but surprisingly, he was the first guy who when he first came up to me, I felt comfortable” I shrug, looking at the camera and smiling softly. 

There was really not much to say, I felt like my answer said a lot. 

Calum smiled softly at me and reached my place, and while he caught me in his arms he mumbled “Come here”. 

And then we fall onto the floor, as we washes me in kisses. 

Tell us a fun fact about you

We both stare blankly at different points as we think of an answer. It should be easier than this, but for some reason, it is being more difficult than we thought to come up with a good answer to fill in this question. We could say so many things, but none of them would be the most appropriate one for this. 

“Fun fact” I start, after our moment of silence “the first time we kissed, very first time, I was really drunk, but I would say, it wasn’t that noticeable or at least that’s what I thought”

I see Calum notices what I am saying right away, because once I start my story, his face goes from a frown to a surprised expression very quickly. Suddenly everything taking a bit of sense for him. 

“I know where you’re going” he says, shaking his head. 

“He asked me how it felt, like the kiss, how I felt about it” I continue  “and I said ‘Ew’” 

I wish I could help it, but everytime I tell a story like this, I can’t help but breaking to laugh, without having enough control over myself. I almost have to lay back, because I am laughing so much I can hardly sit still, but I don’t do that, I just hold on to my boyfriend and do my thing. I was such a fun story, the embarrassing part of it worn off completely by how funny it was. 

“That was the most discouraging moment of my life” He explains, joining as well into my little laughing fit and shaking his head.

“I know, I’m sorry” I said, cleaning a small tear off my eye “I didn’t mean it! I was drunk, plus, I think I say ew and ouch out of its context more times that I could count” I mention.

“Now, that is very true” he says, laughing as well as he turns his look back at the camera and mumbles “Next question”

Tell us a secret 

“No” Calum says. 

So we move on to the next question. 

What am I good at?

“She’s excellent at cooking the best things in the worst times” Calum explains as soon as he’s given the chance “and what I mean by this is that, most of the time when there’s a storm or, just like a month ago, we were confined and she would do deserts like everyday, It was so good I would forget for a second about what was surrounding me” He admitted, looking at me for a second before going back at the camera. 

“I’m glad you like it”  I smile, suddenly feeling very excited. “I do instagram lives every time I cook, It’s a lot of fun” I add.

He nods “You see me in the back, like, ‘what’s that white spongy thing?’” he mentions, making a weird voice just for laughs. 

I giggle. “What’s that white dust on the table?”  I follow, completely being aware of the double-sense. 

“Is that mint? Or cilantro?” He adds. 

“Oh geez” I laugh, at that last one. “People roast me in the comments all the time, because I make stuff like, burritos, or maybe chicken teriyaki, and then you come over and can’t eat anything” I roll my eyes, shaking my head at the camera. 

He presses his lips together at my mention and nods. 

“I don’t eat meat” he mentions, shrugging “but I don’t mind at all, I don’t care if you eat meat”

I nod “I always prepare like one ratio and leave some for if you wanna try, but…” I shrug “I wouldn’t tease you into it”

“I know babe” He says, going to reach my cheek and pinch it. 

 I move away from his touch as I say “I’m not even going to answer this so… next!” 

Favorite feature about each other?

“His face is the stretchiest ever” I say with excitement in my voice. 

Without a doubt, I get up and walk right behind him, because I just need to do something. It's a necessity, this is something I do on the daily, showing the public was something I wanted to do so badly. 

“Look at this” I said, placing my hands on his cheeks and squishing them…stretching… squishing… stretching… squishing… I had so much fun. 

“I have so much fun doing this, it’s like playdough in my hands” I say, caressing my boyfriends face. 

“Okay, alright” he laughs, taking my hands away from his face. “My favourite thing is this” he says, still holding onto my hands and suddenly tugging on them hard. 

Before I even noticed, he was grabbing both of my arms together, and with great skill, he pulled my whole body over his shoulders, and as he got up from his seat and walked back. 

“What?!” I yelled loudly “Put me down!” 

He does as I said, and as he walked to the back of the room, he let me down right beside him. 

“She’s so tiny” he laughed, ruffling my hair playfully “I can carry her in my bag” 

I rolled my eyes “No, I’m not” I whined “Stop” 

He laughed again, and as he lifted his arm, and rested his elbow on my head.  “See this (Y/n) to Calum ratio” he mocks “I’m half a person” 

“Perfect size” I giggle, pushing him aside playfully. “Now that you’ve exposed my height, can we keep going please?” I say, almost begging. 

If we kept going with this, I could easily turn from funny to not so funny anymore. 

What do we argue about the most? 

Once again, we stay quiet for a good second, but not because we don’t know, it’s because there was really not an specific answer we could give. I don’t we even knew what to say. 

“I would say, the majority of times, we argue for the most dumb things you could imagine” I say, answering for the both of us  “But about serious things, it’s something very rare” I shrug. 

“I think our trending topic when discussing about something, it’s about me misspelling words when writing, and her losing it” he says, pointing at us and totally throwing me a look. 

“Dude” I sigh “Because then people will read and take it the wrong way, not cool” I argue. 

“It doesn’t matter, you just explain” he shrugs, completely not caring. 

“You need to listen, that’s what you need to do” I roll my eyes  “Read a book, punk” I let out. 

His eyes widen at my answer. “Oh is that it?” He says looking at me directly. 

I crack a smile, going to hug him, before he thought I was serious about this. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding” I let him know. 

I would never tell him something like that on purpose.

Nicknames for each other?

I sigh. “Sadly, I don’t have anything other than Cal, and all the regular sappy nicknames” I shrug  “I know I’m terrible, sue me, I don’t care” 

I speak honestly, all super creative nicknames were over thought and they could be weird sometimes. I was too classy to use anything overly new. 

“That’s mean, because I do have a couple of names for you” he mentions “Sweetie pie, Baby… The others I can’t reveal” he says slowly, patting my thigh with his hand. 

my nose scrunches “Why?” I ask. 

“They’re very confidential, you should know that”  he says, shaking his head. 

I shrug. “If I’m honest, I don’t know” I giggle “But I’ll keep the secret if that’s what you want”

He smiles, and leaving kiss on my cheek, we move on to the next question. 

Complete this sentence “You’re my……..”?

“Oh, this is the famous question” he says after reading the question out loud. A smile cracking on his face as he looked at me. 

“Was there a famous question?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. 

“All the guys were talking about this one, I’m sure you guys are enjoying this” he smiled at the camera and pointing at It. “Luke’s girl cried” he mentioned to me. 

My eyes widen “Did she?” I say, my mouth forming a pout “Oh man, I haven’t seen that” I sigh “You first”

He nods, already knowing that he would be the one taking the lead first.

“You are my saviour” he says, going to grab my hand. “I know it might sound sappy and you hate it, but it’s the truth. Before you I was a lonely guy, even when I had friends, I still felt pretty lonely, and I really appreciate the fact that I found someone who I can talk to, share moments… someone who I can lean on, It’s something that really gets me thinking… If it wasn’t for you, I would be sad” he says, pressing his lips together as he looked at me. 

“Really?” I asked in a whisper. He nods. “Cal…”

I wish I could keep it together, but hearing him say something like this… I’m front of a camera. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, we’ve been in these kinds of situations before, but right now, it felt different, and it felt special. 

“No, baby, don’t” he chuckles when sees my eyes starting to Glow. “See?” He tells the camera with a smile. 

“I don’t even know what to say…” I sigh, shaking my head “You’re my partner” I say smiling. “Probably sounds weird, because it’s obvious, but I mean it, you’re my best friend, I love spending time with you, I always look forward to be with you and have you by my side, I can tell you everything and I trust you more than anyone, I think being with you is without a doubt, the best decision I have ever taken in my life” I admit. 

The grin on his face is a real one, and once I finish with my words, he gives a squeeze to my hands, and leaves a kiss in both of them. 

“Come here, baby” he whispers, pulling my into his arms. “I love you, I love you, I love you” he says, kissing my cheek a lot. 

“You’re squishing me” I laugh “I love you so much, a million times, more than you do” 

And more than he could imagine…

                                                    _____

“So, this was our version of the girlfriend and boyfriend tag, I hope you enjoyed” I say first, as I smiled to the camera. 

“We also hope this brought you enough entertainment during this time, we for sure had a good time doing it” He continues for me, waving at the camera. “Until the next time, and remember to stay safe, bye!”

With this, we both lift our hands, and wave energetically at the camera, we turn of the camera, and our version of this tag was completed. 

It was a wrap!.

[yayeetsonny]

“I’m sorry, What?”~ USWNT x Baby Reader

Prompt: Team finds out Baby R has a girlfriend.

Requested by: @rainbowpants27​

I know you requested this ages ago, sorry about the wait!

No ones PRO//

The players on the USWNT were some of the best in the world, there was no doubt about that. On the field they were a force to be reckon with and when doing interviews or press conferences they made sure to maintain a certain degree of professionalism. Off the field and away from flashing cameras and microphones was a different story…

Their fanbase often knows just how crazy they can be and they often exhibit “crackhead” behavior. The age range of the team is from 36 to the youngest at 17. When it comes to their young teammates they get extremely protective and sometimes a little nosy. One such example of this was the day they found out their youngest teammate Y/N L/N had a girlfriend that she hid from them for an entire year.

Alyssa PRO//

I was heading down to the bus because we had practice soon and they told all of us to start boarding. When I got there I noticed that almost everyone was there, everyone except the youngest Y/N.

“Hey, guys?”

“Yeah Lys?”

“Where’s Y/N?”

Everyone stopped talking and began looking around for her but when they realized she was no where to be found they started to worry.

“Has anyone seen her today?”

“Yeah, just before I left our room.” Abby said

“Was she okay when you left?” Tierna asked worriedly

“Yeah, she said she’d be down in a sec and to not wait for her.”

“How long ago was that?”

“10 minutes?”

“We have to leave in 5, I’m going to look for her.” I said throwing my stuff on the bus, getting the card to her room and sprinting back into the hotel.

 I made it to the floor our rooms were on and used the key card Abby had given me to open the door. When I did I heard Y/N talking quietly to someone, she didn’t seem to know I was there but what I heard her say next had me extremely worried.

“No, I can’t tell the team.”

The was a pause before she spoke again.

“Because they’ll freak out and get all protective.”

Another even longer pause.

“I just… I can’t. I- ”

“Y/N?” I decided to interrupt and make my presence known.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard me and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“I gotta go, sorry!” She rushed out before quickly hanging up on the other person.

“Hey Alyssa! What’s up?”

“I just came up here to see if you were okay since we have to leave in 5 minutes and Abby said you told her you’d be down over 10 minutes ago.”

“Oh, yeah sorry about that. I just had to make a quick phone call.”

“To who?” I asked as we started running to the elevators to get back down to the bus.

“Just a friend.” She said a little too quickly

I Just nodded in acknowledgement as we made it down just in time and got on the bus.

“Jesus, there you guys are. What took so long? We almost left without you.” Alex said from her seat next to Kelley.

“Just got caught up on the phone.” Y/N replied

I could tell she was nervous and so could everyone else, she was avoiding eye contact and fidgeting quite a lot.

“Everything okay?” Christen asked concerned

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Everything is fine.”

We all let it go after that but I knew everyone was still sending worried glances her way. I needed to tell the others about the conversation I overheard and we would need to find a way to get her to tell us what was going on. Normally I would stay out of things and mind my business but when it concerned our youngest player, someone who I considered a little sister to me those rules were null and void. I knew the rest of the team felt the same, the older players even more so. 

We got to the practice facility after a short ride and after getting off and going to the locker room to deposit my stuff I went out onto the field and joined the circle of players that had gathered in the middle. 

“Are you guys worried about Y/N too or is that just me?” Abby asked

Everyone said that they too were worried and began talking about what could possibly be going on, some imagining some really bad scenarios and others reminding everyone that she was a nervous kid and that whatever it was, was probably not as bad as they were thinking. I had stayed quiet for the most part but finally decided to tell everyone what I heard earlier.

���Guys wait. Okay so before I tell you what I am going to, I need everyone to take a deep breath and let me finish talking before asking questions, okay?”

They all agreed and then I told them about what I overheard her say on the phone.

“And you’re sure she said “I can’t tell the team.”?” Mal asked

“Yes positive.”

“And you absolutely sure she said we’d “Freak out. And get all protective?” She said those exact words?” Alex asked

“Yes, guys I swear that’s word for word what she said to whoever was on the other line.”

“Well now I’m even more concerned.” Tobin said 

We all knew that sometimes when something bad was happening or she was in trouble at school she didn’t tell us right away. Her home life wasn’t the greatest so our reasons for concern that she was keeping something from us were understandable. 

“Okay, everyone listen up.” Carli said, using her “Captain voice”

“I know you’re all worried, and so am I but we have to let her come to us and we can not… I repeat can. Not. Jump to conclusions. Understood?”

We all agreed and went about our usual practice routines. Y/N emerged for the locker room shortly after Carli finished talking and joined the circle on the field.

“What did I miss, guys?” She said completely oblivious to what we had been talking about.

“Not much kid, just asking anyone if they had seen my shin guards.” Carli said, ruffling her hair.

“Come on, kid, come do some passing drills with me.” Alex said whisking her away.

We continued on through practice and the younger players were goofing around with Y/N when given the chance, she seemed more at ease than before. When we finished and headed back to the hotel we all decided to do a game night in Abby and Y/N’s room. 

After much convincing Vlatko and the other coaching staff agreed to let us order pizza and eat other junk foods. “but this counts as your cheat day for this week.” He told us and we agreed that, that was a fair sacrifice to make. We ordered a bunch of pizzas and sent Megan, Becky and Allie on a snack run. When they returned that brought with them everyones favorites, ranging from candy, chocolate and ice cream to different kinds. Of chips and cookies. The hotel staff probably thought we were having a party and regret letting 23 teenagers/childlike adults into their hotel. 

We played all of the stereotypical party games such as spin the bottle, truth or dare, never have I ever and so on. We also split into different groups to play cards or board games, making bets on who would win or lose the most and some also took to playing Mario kart and other games on the Nintendo Switch Tobin brought along. All in all it was pretty fun night but I could help but still worry and wonder about Y/N. I noticed that while she was having a lot of fun, she was also spending a significant amount of time looking at her phone, sometimes she would get this really big cheesy grin on her face and other times she would look slightly worried or anxious, it was slightly confusing and I could tell Ali and Ashlyn had caught onto it too.

Things took a turn however when Lindsey noticed Y/N lost in her phone and she snatched it out of her hand. 

“Hey! Give that back!”

“Who are you talking to that’s more important than us?”

“No one. Just give me back my phone.”

“No, don’t think I will.” She said while laughing, getting up to run away.

“Lindsey! Give it back!”

Y/N got up and jumped on her back trying to wrestle it out of her hands. At first we thought it was funny but when we saw that Y/N was actually upset we started to try to get them to break it up.

“Guys, stop it!”

“Then tell Lindsey to give me back my phone!”

“I just wanna know who you’re talking to!”

“None of your fucking business Horan!”

Becky, myself, Julie and Tobin all stood in between them as Alex, Christen, Mal and Rose pulled Y/N away and Crystal, Emily, Jessica, and Megan did the same for Lindsey. Everyone else just stood and waited.

“Everyone needs to settle down. Now.” Carli said leaving no room for anyone to argue.

“Okay but she fucking- ”

“Hey watch your mouth.” Alex chided 

“No! She took my phone and I want it back.”

“Y/N, calm down. Take a deep breath.” Christen said

She and the others were still holding Y/N back, Alex had a firm grip on her waist so she couldn’t go anywhere and everyone else stood in front of her, trying to block her from seeing Lindsey. Jessica and that group were doing the same on the other side of the room.

“Lindsey, give her back her phone.” I said sternly

“Why? You were the one who told us about her weird phone call and you know she’s been being weird and secretive all day.”

“What are you talking about?” Y/N asked

“Oh, so you weren’t having some super secret phone call earlier with someone?”

“I mean… I wouldn’t say it was “super secretive.” How much of that did you hear Lys?”

“Just the part where you said you “can’t tell the team.” And that we’d “Freak out and get all protective.”

A look of realization took over her face and she slowly pushed her way out of Alex’s grip and passed the group of people to get to Lindsey.

“Please give me my phone. I’ll tell you guys the truth.” She said

Lindsey complied and when Y/N had her phone again she took a deep breath and said 

“Okay now before I go any further I want you all to know that I am okay and nothing bad is going on. I promise. I also would appreciate if you waited to ask you questions until after I’m finished talking.”

We all nodded in agreement and she began ti tell us what that phone call was really about.

“Okay, I have a girlfriend. Now you guys didn’t know about it because I hid it from everyone except my really close friend back home and some of my cousins. We’ve been dating for the past year and I said I couldn’t tell you guys because I know you’ll go crazy and want to have the talk with her.”

There was a beat of silence before Kelley was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I have a girlfriend.” she repeated

“Our baby has a girlfriend! Holy shit!”

After her outburst several other people began talking over each other.

“No way! Dude what the heck?”

“How did you guys meet?”

“Did you ever plan to tell us?!”

“Can we see pictures?”

Y/N PRO//

“Okay, Okay! Guys, take it easy. Let her breath.” Alex said coming up to hug me from behind.

“To answer you questions, Yes it’s true. We meet at one of my school soccer games, yes I was planning to tell you eventually and yes you can see pictures.”

“You know, you don’t have to let us in on your relationship just yet. If you’re not ready that’s okay.” Ashyln said

“No, it’s okay. I was talking to my girlfriend today and she was wanting me to finally tell you guys and I knew she was right but I wasn’t sure how and I was nervous because of that. But I’m okay now.”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

I ended up telling them everything from the day we met, to how long it took for us to start dating, who kissed who first and everything in between. I felt relieved that they now knew about my relationship and was glad not to have to hide it anymore.

“Can we get a name?” Sonnett asked

“Yeah, who is this lucky lady?” Mal joined in, everyone else following

“Her name is Y/GF/N.”

“Oooo. I love her already.” Julie said giggling.

“The real important question is... how is she in bed?”

“Okay, nope! absolutely not!” Ali said slapping Sonnett upside the head

“What?! Curious minds would like to know.”

“For both your guy’s sake, you better tell me you aren’t having sex yet.” Alex said sternly

I was beet red now and the younger players were laughing at me and teasing me while the older ones looked ready to kill.

“No, no we haven’t had sex.”

Several of them let out big sighs of relief while the others looked disappointed.

“Well, when you do, I want an in detail account of everything.” Sonnet said, dodging another head slap, this time from Julie

“Emily!”

“What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is, she’s far too young for that.” Alex said pulling me into her and covering my head

“I’m turning 18 next month!” I said indignantly

“Doesn’t matter, you’re still a baby.”

“Well once she’s 18 she’s, technically...”

“No.” All the veterans of the team said at the same time.

“Sorry kid, guess you’ll be a virgin for your whole life.”

“Damn right she will.” Julie said.

“Guyssss” I whined.

“Aw, we’re only kidding kiddo. You’ll only have to a virgin until you’re 30.” Ali said laughing when I pouted at her.

We decided to send a group selfie to her to tell her that the team knew and the text I sent along with it read “Surprise! You have 22 “moms” and sisters dying to meet you! They love you already!”

She responded quickly by saying

“I’ll prepare myself for the talk then haha. Tell them I can’t wait and I hope we meet soon! I love you!”

I spent the rest of the night showing the girls our best (and worst) pictures together, silly videos we took and just overall gushing about my lady. I was a little worried they would ambush her when they met her in person but I also knew that they were all super happy for me and excited to meet the girl I love.

//

Sorry for any mistakes, mostly unedited.

-N

[dis--parity]

the message.

Summary: Meanwhile, in a hospital in the south of Sweden, a person reduced to a thoughtless shell is filled with new life. Trigger warnings: None. Author’s note: A little bonus chapter that I was excited to get out! It pertains to the final interview file and, well... it’s a pretty big piece of someone’s story.

It’s such a strange, horrible sensation, being trapped in your own body. Motionless, breathless, not even able to blink, not even able to see what little I hear. Days have passed. Or at least, I think they have; all my vision’s a blackout, and I’m quickly losing track of all time. When your eyes aren’t open, when your brain isn’t working right but your ears hear everything around you, it all just seems to melt together. The conversations of the doctors and nurses around me change at the flip of a switch.

I can’t even bring myself to try and count the hours, the days, the months I’ve been out cold. The last sensation stuck in my mind is the impact of a hammer against my arm, my chest, my head. Then, numbness, darkness, oblivion. Absolutely nothing crosses my mind after that. And I can’t even remember how long it’s been this way. 

It’s funny. For as long as I can remember, I’ve romanticised the idea of shutting off from the world; to be alone with the imagination without having to concern yourself with the real world. What a dream that must be, I thought. What a unique, astonishing bliss that must provide. Though, now that I lay here, unaware of how long it’s been, where the hell I am, and without even the will to decide whether I should be thankful for, or horrified by this comatose oblivion, something occurs to me.

The lucky ones, I’ve come to realise, are the ones whose mind and body die at the same time.

Will I ever wake up? Or will this mind finally give in and follow suit to my failing faculties? When I think about it enough, it crosses my mind that it probably doesn’t even matter which way that goes; my mind’s been like scrambled eggs for as long as my eyes have been closed, for as long as this ventilator’s been stuck on my mouth and this IV has been in my arm. I can only think of one person right now that would miss me if I slipped quietly past the veil - and they aren’t even here.

 I hear a jingle from what I think is right in front of me; there’s a TV in the room. I hear the news come and go from time to time, when my brain decides to tune back into the world around it. I’m guessing it’s in the corner of the room, seeing as I’m in a hospital bed right now. I can at least guess that much. If I ever wake up, maybe I’ll get a nice window view. 

Who knows, though? My thoughts and musings about the ray of sunlight I’ll probably never get to see quickly fade away as I’m forced to listen to the the only thing that’s really present in the room. Well, it’s not like I can get up and change the channel anyway, and apparently, I’ve got all the time in the world to absorb whatever this is. Whether I’ll actually retain any of the passing news about politics, science, celebrity gossip and the like, that’s another thing. But this… it seems different to what I’ve heard before. I hear a man delivering a more serious, monotone preamble, but-...

“... as announced earlier, the entirety of the contents of these ‘Haemolife Files’ will now be played on this channel for the purpose of transparency towards the public…”     Haemolife.

My body would have jolted, if only it could. Who knows how long it had been since I heard that name? That name of which a single utterance was enough to snap me back into focus. Up ‘til that point, I could feel my grasp on awareness starting to drift... 

No.

I snatch my awareness back. I have to. For the first time in God knows how long, I had something to pay attention to. Something I had to try and listen to. The voice of an unfamiliar man talks about his discoveries in a crackly audio recording, and asks a question to someone else he’s apparently with. I don’t catch all of it, I know, and I wasn’t about to get my hopes up, but there was only one person I could think of at that moment.

    Gale. Gale. Gale.     Please.     Please, tell me someone remembered you.

“... why do this? Haemolife was more or less off the radar until that weapons shipment came in.”

“... think that was the point they factored Gale in… had the willpower to defy… didn’t have the same fear Iris did. They knew… they knew she’d blab eventually. Desperate times, maybe.”

...what?

No. There’s no way. There’s no fucking way. 

    Every part of me was looking out for that name -  a mention of her would have craved that phantom hunger my near-lifeless body felt right now. But, oh, did I hear so much more than my failing mind could have expected. She was dead. For the longest time, I thought she was dead. And now, as I’m hearing her voice, saying her name, talking about what she went through… I found my thoughts paralyzed again. It’s too much, this is far too much–

But, no! No! I can’t lose this moment! This might be the only chance I get to know that she’s alive, I can’t let my mind slip again now! My body doesn’t move, but I can practically feel my stomach turn as I try to regain my focus, try to recoil from the shock I heard from that name alone and listen, for God’s sake, listen to what she has to say.

“And the way Rosenfeld took ‘desperate measures’ was to initiate a terrorist attack before you could expose the truth?”

“No - not to take everyone else out. To destroy everyone in the know - myself included. Maybe something changed along the way, maybe they realised your CIA was onto them. Either way… it was the end for all of us.”

“Even the ones cross country… shit. They were prepared for this. Shit… I mean… you told me about your parents. I guess you didn’t leave anyone behind, at least.”

There’s silence for a moment. I wonder if I’m losing awareness again before I hear that familiar sigh through crackling audio. Finally, I heard her speak up again, her voice more shaken than it was before. I don’t know what led to me hearing this, what led to all this being exposed when it had been so long, but it was no less painful for me to listen to her, to be reminded of all that had happened to her, to us. I was starting to wonder if she even remembered who I was, when my answer came to me without me having to ask.

“… we did. Fuck. I did. We… couldn’t even say goodbye. We knew what was happening, and-... we pushed him away. We didn’t want to drag him into this, too.”

“Who?”

“… his name was Alex.“

Me? Me? She remembered, after all this time? I ask the brief silence that’s allowed between me registering my own name and her next sentence how this could even be possible. There’s no reply but the gentle static of the television as she continues speaking.

“He was there for us. If it wasn’t for him, we might not be Garis now.” ‘Garis’? What kind of name is that? Don’t tell me… no. Save that thought for another time.

“He showed us the best of times, and stuck with us in the worst of times. He knew… he knew about what we truly went through, we told him. And he helped us anyway. Loved us anyway. He…” ...what’s that silence for? “They, told me about how their dad used to isolate them socially, stick them to one place, and how they grew jealous of all the other kids who had parents who loved them, parents who took them places instead of keeping them cooped up in their rooms, parents that… didn’t have any agreement between each other to do what they wanted to their children. Together, we figured out ways to fight back against our abusers. I was able to defy the God in the Numbers because of them. Because of their... humanity, that nobody else showed us. Fuck… all that time, we thought we were saving them. But, now we’re together, we realise… they were saving us. If they became a target…”

I hear her sniffle. I feel as if I could cry, but my stupid, stupid body just won’t let me. It won’t let me get up, it won’t let me reach out, call to her, speak to her and tell her that I’m okay, that I’m happy that she’s okay! I wanted her to know, more than anything in the world, that I was thankful for her!

… tell me something,” I hear the other man say. “If there’s something you could say to them right now, if they’re alive, if they could listen... what would it be?” I didn’t want to stop listening to her voice now. If it were me, I know I’d refuse to answer and be out of there, and that’s precisely what I expected from her. We were the same, so I thought. And, hey, they never were the type to wear their heart on their sleeve. But that’s when I heard her again.

“… I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry I couldn’t explain to you what was happening, Alex. But… you saved my life. I wish I knew where you were, and I promise one day we’ll find a way to talk to each other again, someway, somehow, and I’ll tell you, once and for all…

Thank you.”

When I heard those words echoing in my mind, I thought I would break. Shatter like glass on this bed. That I would black out just from hearing her say that, and mean it. It was then that I realised something; for as comatose, unable to act or speak as I was, I was alive.

I’d finally stood up to my dad. It got me where I am now, but it was worth it. When I finally put that bastard in his place, when I made it damn clear that I wasn’t ever going to be a puppet again… I thought of her. I thought of all we’d been through, all she’d taught me. We were just kids, seeking shelter in each other’s misery, but we’d both saved each others’ lives through that. What goes around comes around, I guess.

I want to smile. I want to laugh. I want to scream, I want to cry. I can already feel my mind drifting, her final words echoing in my brain as I slip back into my lack of awareness, the only proof I’ll ever have that the person I once loved and leaned on was alive. Who knows if I’d ever find her again? One thing’s for sure, though, I thought to myself as I drifted through that dark space once more, time losing all meaning in the face of one single, burning objective, my determination already scorching like the sun in my eyes, still forced shut. For as long as it would take for me to get out of here, get back into the world, I carried just one thought; I will wake up from this void, this nightmare. I will live. I will thrive. I’ll be free from the chains that held me down for all those years he stole from me. I will work for myself, and maybe, just maybe… I’ll love again.

I’ll manifest the one thing my dad was right about; I was born for greatness.

And now there’s a world waiting for me that’s worth waking up to. A world with you in it.

Please, for the love of God, wait for me.

However long it takes.

[secondhandnewsradio]

SHN INTERVIEW: Sleep Walking Animals

by Claire Silverman

photo: Ryan Hall

Sleep Walking Animals, the indie-folk alternative rock band from Manchester, England, have just released their self-titled debut EP. Since SHN first interviewed the band at the start of the year, they have released two more singles, started playing live shows again as restrictions opened up, and have announced a co-headlining tour around the UK in October. At their EP launch gig at the Fiddler’s Elbow in Camden on the 20th of September, they performed their new music to a sold out crowd.

CS: Congrats on the EP coming out. When we spoke back in February, you mentioned your plans for the EP, so it’s very exciting that it’s here now. How are you all feeling?

Tom: Like it's about time.

Jack: “Angus’ Fool.” “Wild Folk,” and “Dance Laura Dance” are on the EP, so we started recording this EP in October 2019. So it's been a big process, and the EP is kind of about that process.

Tom: We didn't want to release things until we were happy with everything, because we did record enough songs back in 2019 to go on an EP. But in post [production], we were a little bit concerned that they weren't all up to the standard that we wanted. It was our first time in a studio together as well when we recorded those songs, so we needed to practice, we needed to get together more and get more experienced in the studio. Then we ended up going up to Stockport and using a studio called Green Velvet Studios and we laid down five tracks, three of which are on the EP.

Jack: So, yes, excited.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: Is there an overarching theme across the EP?

Tom: It feels like it's very much about things that have happened to us in the time it took to put the EP together, and things that have inspired us enough to write about, you know, various introductions to people, to new experiences, illnesses, life events that sparked something within us to try to make a good song out of.

Jack: The whole EP spans across when we started the band in 2018 right up to now, so a lot of the songs are about growth and change. But the songs are about our growth musically as well, which is a nice kind of coincidence.

Tom: “Angus’ Fool” was the first song we ever wrote together, so the EP spans from our first song together to things we were writing in lockdown. So like Jack said it’s a span of two and a half years.

Alex: “Native” was written after we played Farm Fest [this summer].

CS: So now that you have more music out and have started to establish your sound, how did you figure out what genre of music you wanted to make?

Alex: It's funny, you just mentioned “Native” and I think that was the point that pushed us to fatten up the sound a little bit. I mean, the style of the song made us realize that we can push it a little bit more. And we have a few like one recorded songs, which are definitely a lot more rock-y.

Tom: We're inspired by all sorts of different bands as well. And, you hear it said a lot but a lot of great artists steal from other great artists and that's how they become great, so we're taking influences from people that we all listen to. So this is why it's hard whenever anybody asks “so what kind of genre of music do you play?” I can never really answer that because it’s changing all the time.

Jack: But I was saying to Bill the other day, (he's not officially in the band yet but he kind of is. He's the drummer who played with us on Monday) we've never really spoken about what genre we want to write. We didn't speak about influences, particularly.

Tom: We're just going with ideas. We all have our own little pockets of interest that we bring to the table and I think that’s what makes out sound quite unique

Alex: When someone brings something and then all of a sudden there's so many layers on top of it, which are coming from all kinds of different directions. And it's just hard to put your finger on what it actually is. But it's cool and we like it.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: It seems as though COVID restrictions are kind of mostly lifted here in England. At least, concerts are happening again. What's that been like, through the pandemic till now, and being able to play live shows again?

Tom: It’s been a massive relief, really, it means that we can get out there and get some gigging experience, start playing our stuff live. It's a completely different beast to be in the studio, it’s a completely different skill to have. And the more we do it, the more we’ll improve, and the more people will respond well to our gigs. There is such a massive impact from a live gig that you don't get from sitting down and putting your headphones in and listening to the Spotify track. You get the performance, you get the live engagement with music, and with the people on stage. That's just palpable.

CS: Since you're all performers, you're all actors, how do you think your other stage experience impacts your music?

Jack: That's an interesting one. Because I think the three of us are definitely coming out of acting and want to follow music, solely. Obviously, Tom, you both really well. [Laughter] And Nuwan’s also still following both. It's just something that when we are playing live, and it's going well, and there aren’t any technical issues, that we can just give ourselves completely to that moment. And I think that's easier for someone who has trained to do that, which is kind of what we did at drama school, I guess, to give yourself to the moment,

Tom: Yeah, there are great artists and performers, actors, musicians who haven't haven't gone through a formal training process. I think it's actually more important than training. Personally, I find the two things very different, being onstage as a member of Sleep Walking Animals and being on stage or on screen and being an actor in a role. I think the only similarity for me really, is the fact that when we go on stage as Sleep Walking Animals, I feel myself put on a character. I'm not Tom, I’m whatever else that is.

Jack: John. [Laughter]

Tom: I think we all do that whether we realize it or not. Because we'd be crippled with anxiety and insecurity and all the other horrid things that sort of flood into you when you're onstage performing in any way, you know, those don't happen or they sort of diminish if you put on that guise. So I guess that helps in that sort of transition.

photo: Claire Silverman

CS: You mentioned Farm Fest a bit earlier. What was it and how did it come about? And how was it?

Tom: So Farm Fest is a new, upstart festival that myself and my girlfriend Lottie host and organized. It's on her childhood farm and it's something that Lottie had wanted to do for a long time, to use that land to provide a space for a festival, entertainment, camping. We started it a couple years ago. There was that little bit of time between lockdowns where we got a weird freedom in the summer of 2020 and people felt like it had kind of gone away. Luckily, we all collectively know a bunch of musicians and comedians. It started small and then this year, we did it again. We charged a bit more money for tickets, and we are getting bigger and better. It feels like it's sort of gaining a bit of momentum. And it was the highlight of our year, we got to perform on a mainstage with a great sound set up. For us it was a big crowd to play to who all knew the songs and were singing along. It felt like a real festival, right.

CS: You guys are pretty active on social media, at least on the Sleep Walking Animals account. You guys don't always take things super seriously, which I like. What’s your approach to using social media? What do you think of it?

Jack: I wish we didn't have to. I think we probably all do realize the importance of it because Instagram is pretty much the only way of promoting anything, which is so fucking sad. Yeah. And I thought today, because Joe and I are reading a book about Joy Division and the start of the punk scene stuff, and they didn't even have t-shirts, because they wanted to stick it to the man and that kind of thing. But you just can't do that now. It's just like times have changed and there’s so many bands and so many artists that you have to be on it. Like, it will only be a matter of time before we go on to TikTok.

Tom: As an unsigned band without management or label yet, you know, we're left to do it on our own. Like Jack said, it's our only way of letting people know about our music. We might as well try and enjoy it if we've got to do it.

photo: Ryan Hall

CS: Now that the EP is out, what are your future plans for the band?

Tom: World domination?

Joe: Recording.

Tom: Yeah, more tunes. We've got quite a few unrecorded ones. Keep doing what we're doing, really, following the footsteps of the people and bands and artists who have inspired us. Just keep going with it and see what happens. We're not putting immense amounts of pressure on ourselves. We do it because we love it. We do it because we think our music is worth pursuing. Yeah. Just see where the wind takes us.

CS: And you've got a tour coming up in October.

Jack: Yeah, a UK tour. It’s a co-headlining tour with Polary and My Pet Fauxes. So we're playing in different cities and we're all sharing the headlines slot and supporting each other at the different venues.

Tom: The 17th of October we're playing Leeds at Oporto, then on the 18th at Dublin Castle in London, the 19th we’re in Bristol at Crofters Rights and then the 20th at Night & Day in Manchester.

CS: Good luck for those shows and again, congratulations on releasing your debut EP.

This interview has been lightly edited for clarity and length.

Listen to Sleep Walking Animals’ debut EP here

Follow the band on Instagram Twitter Spotify YouTube 

sleepwalkinganimals.com

[gayenerd]

This is a 2017 interview done by a fan for the fansite, Green Day Authority. It’s super disjointed and fan interviews never ask tough questions, but eh. 

Recently, we asked Green Day's management if it would be possible to get an exclusive interview for GDA, our first ever. After some coordination, it was agreed that I could interview them in Omaha (a show I had already planned to attend). I found out on Wednesday afternoon that I would be interviewing them on Saturday, but fortunately, I had already been preparing a list of questions in case it worked out. Before I go any further, I'll tell you that I had a LOT more questions on my list than there was time for. So, if you're wondering why I didn't ask something in particular, it's probably because we ran out of time. That is the only thing I would change about my whole experience if I had the opportunity. The arrangement was that one of the tour managers would meet me at the back entrance of the arena before sound check. After going through two layers of security, that's exactly what happened. I was the only non-crew person in sound check (!) and it simply felt surreal to be in that position. I enjoyed it greatly but was, of course, also thinking about how the upcoming interview would go. I wanted to represent GDA and the fan community in a way that would not leave a bad impression while also getting some good discussion from the guys. After sound check, I was walked back to a room with a couch and a few chairs. I was able to get comfortable and had some help to set up my recording equipment — thanks again to Lauren Banjo and Daniel, my son, for helping me get exactly the right device for recording the interview. In just a few minutes, in walked Billie, Mike and Tre. I have to say that, in all the times I've seen them, they have never looked better. They seemed relaxed, happy, and bursting with good health. They all sat down, and we got started. Aside from running out of time (though, to be honest, it would have taken hours to work through all my questions), I'm reasonably pleased with the way it all turned out. The guys were so incredibly nice and seemed to be totally engaged in the moment we were all sharing together. They really thought about their answers and seemed to enjoy the discussion. Here's the first installment of the interview — we talked about music, touring, and special shows. I did you all a favor and removed a lot of my rambling when I was asking the questions. Enjoy! "J'net: Guys, you work so hard, and we see how hard you work. During shows, you give so much of your emotion, yourselves, and your life energy to what you do. What keeps you going and keeps you so passionate about what you're doing? Mike: You said it, 'passion.' We only know how to do this one way — give 100%. It's just driven into us, I guess. Tre: It's the way we're wired. Mike: The music moves us the same way with the energy from the crowd. Billie: I agree. We love what we do. I think there've even been times when I thought, 'Maybe I'll take it easy tonight,' and then as soon as you hit the stage, it's just 'All systems go!' It's just a natural response for me. Really no other way to explain it. Mike: I always think, 'I don't know if I'll always be able to give what 100% is today, but I'll always give 100% of what I have to offer.' I don't think these engines know how to run any differently. J'net: Well, it's awesome. Your fans appreciate it so much. I wish you guys could just sometimes sit out in line, y'know? We get in line as early as we can and we compare notes ... "Well, we're driving from Kansas City as soon as the show's over..." Mike: You guys should film some of that. We never get to see it, it's cool! Film some of that interaction and maybe post some of that stuff too, it's rad! Billie & Tre: Yeah! J'net: [thinks to self: challenge accepted!] I'd be glad to do that, yeah. I mean, everybody would, even the people who know how to do that [technical stuff] … like Billie, he's pretty good with all the Facebook Lives and Instagram. Billie: Yeah, I'm getting pretty awesome — Billie Joe Zuckerberg! J'net: Right … 'Now where's the off button?...' Billie: Thank God for two young sons, man! They can tell you everything. Mike: I have to call my wife [laughs]. My wife's still young, she knows how to do that shit! J'net: Music is an emotional experience, and some of your songs are so emotional. Do you ever feel overcome by the emotion when you're performing, or are you somehow in performance mode so you can rise above it? Billie: I definitely go there. Like that line 'I'm like a son that was raised without a father,' — that's a button-pusher for me. Also with Forever Now, and also lately with playing '21 Guns' acoustic … when I get emotional is when I hear people singing along — when I hear voices that loud. I think with Green Day, we create an atmosphere that's as close to a European crowd that you can get — with people singing along, almost like a soccer anthem. And I love seeing people who are normally self-conscious when they lose it. I try to push people to just lose it when they come to our shows. Some nights, people are so pent up with energy, they don't even know that they have inside them. And I try to get people to dance like no one's watching and sing like no one's listening — just go for it! J'net: Do you have favorite show moments that you like to think back on? Billie: Smashing my guitar against the Subaru just the other night was pretty fun. [laughs] That's a first. I've never done that before. Mike: There are favorite moments of each show. We go backstage after the show, and we talk about all the rad things that happened. Billie: There's so many different things that we see going on in the crowd. There was a guy that was like an ex-hippie that was in the house the other night, I think in Portland. He was in the back, and I could see him just dancing and singing all night long. He was probably about the same age as my brother — about 65, and it was fun to just watch him. That's the kind of stuff I like to remember. " Watch for the next installment of the interview! We’ll also be sharing more of the audio from our favorite moments.

The second part of our interview focuses on the band's latest movie project, 'Turn It Around: The Story of East Bay Punk.' They helped produce it with filmmaker and longtime friend, Corbett Redford. The day after the Omaha show, my son Daniel and I started the drive back home to Tulsa, but stopped in Kansas City to see the movie. We went to a great independent theater there, Screenland at Tapcade, and when it was time for the movie to start, we settled ourselves in for a fascinating evening. There's so much to absorb in this movie, but it's compelling all the way through. There is a great deal of history that is lovingly captured and discussed. We feel we need to see it again and again, so It's good to know that a deal is in the works to distribute for home viewing, and that, according to Corbett Redford, "the DVD, Blu-Ray is being worked on, designed, mastered and readied for manufacturing." So many people were interviewed for this movie that I couldn't possibly list them all. The interviews were often just as interesting, funny, or emotional as the vintage footage of events from the beginnings of East Bay punk. It was a touching movie with many emotional moments (at least for us). Two or three of the people who were interviewed in the movie came close to tears as they were talking about the past and their connection to the famed 924 Gilman Street. For Green Day fans, as well as fans of many of the other bands involved in those early days of East Bay punk, there is rare and wonderful vintage footage that really gives a feel for what those early days were like. The writing by Corbett Redford and Anthony Marchitiello is exceptionally fine — it tells a story that could have been overwhelmingly complex in an articulate, accessible, and moving way. The narration by Iggy Pop, the animations (credited to Tim Armstrong, J. Bonner, and Alex Koll), the cinematography and photographic direction by Greg Schneider, and the hand lettering (credited to Aaron Cometbus) are simply delightful and absolutely enrich the content of the movie. I loved the way some of the newer interview footage had a "distressed" look to be more compatible with the footage it was matched with in the film. As Corbett said when I mentioned this to him, "The distressed VHS happened as our crew filmed EVERY interview with an old VHS camera! So that wasn't an effect, it was real! We decided as a crew that VHS and black and white Xerox were going to be our two main go-to 'themes' - so Greg went and bought a VHS camera, and voila!" There were obviously a lot of eyes on this film making sure that every little detail was as perfect as could be. There's no question in my mind that it was made with hearts full of love. Here's part two of our interview: "J'net: 'Turn it Around' is getting such incredible response from most reviewers and many in the punk community. Do you feel more acceptance coming from the community than you may have felt previously? Is there a partial 'return from 86'? Mike: The spirit of the movie is that it was made by the people in the community, and if you took Green Day out of it, it's still an unbelievable documentary. We basically stepped aside and let the movie get made the way it should be made. We realized that should be the anchor — the beginning, that's the beginning. [We wanted] for people to understand the different ingredients it took to make where we are and … to make the beginning… Billie: For us, when I was talking to Corbett, it was — 'Let's do a documentary that could inspire the next generation to create their own scene and not just talk about how you had to be there.' Because almost every scene documentary I've ever seen has a 'glory days' thing about it, where, with this one, you see the people like Michelle Gonzalez, who's a teacher and an author, and Miranda July, who’s a filmmaker and artist, and there are people who are activists, still playing music and active in the community. We approached it like, 'Let's not turn this into a piss and vinegar fest.' Billie: And if it wasn't for Tim Yohannon, even though we had big differences in the past, we wouldn't have had a place to play because he, with other people, created and made Gilman Street happen - and that I'm super grateful for. So if there's a story that you watch out for, it's what Tim Yohannon has done for the bay area scene and globally also. J'net: And Corbett did a great job realizing the vision of the movie. Mike: Corbett kind of did the impossible. You talk about a bunch of people in the scene — you know everybody's in that scene because we're all latchkey kids and come from some fucked up background, right? So then you have to get all the bands to agree to put their music on it this many years later. We had no doubt that he's an incredibly intelligent person and an artful person, but he fuckin' did it. Tre: He's always been super resourceful, and it's kind of like now he's all grown up. Mike: All we had to do was talk him off the ledge a couple times. I mean, we'd go in his office, and it looked like 'A Beautiful Mind.' There's writing everywhere and he's like (Mike demonstrates hyperventilating). It started off he didn't have a beard, and then he turned into Father Time. J'net: Did the fact that he's so well-respected in the community and such a genuine person help him to get buy-in from the people who participated? Mike: And the other people he recruited, like Kamala Parks and Anthony (Marchitiello) and Eggplant and Tim Armstrong, are highly respected and helping to make this thing. And it's like, 'Wait a minute, this isn't like a Warner Brothers movie. This is people who were actually in the scene making it.' And when they would vouch for him, it became even more helpful." We're pretty sure we spotted a cameo of Mr. Redford himself, but I won't put a spoiler here by hinting where to watch for him! For the same reason, I'm not going to tell you details of my favorite parts of the movie. When the opportunity arises, you should pick out your own favorites, and next time we're sitting in line for a Green Day show, we can compare notes. Bottom line, whether you watch the movie because you're interested in the captivating history of East Bay punk or because you want to see how Green Day got their start or both, you aren't likely to be disappointed. The movie is great entertainment but also left me inspired to be the best I can be at whatever I choose to do. The passion that went into the scene way back then, and into the making of the movie itself, left its mark on me. I hope you'll find that it leaves you feeling the same way.

In part two, we talked to the band about the early days at Gilman Street and the new movie, 'Turn it Around: The Story of East Bay Punk.' "J’net: From there, Green Day has come so far. What were you dreaming about back then, have you achieved it, and do you have any dreams you haven’t realized yet — things you still want to do? Tre: Pizza! J’net: Really? You haven’t had pizza yet? [Everyone laughs — these guys are SO polite!] Mike: Back then it was like, 'Can we get a show? Can we get into Gilman?' That’s a goal. It’s always like a series of goals – like 'Let’s get a tour.' 'Oh my gosh, what would it be like to play that one club there?' Maybe it’s a different town — or Europe! 'Let’s go to Europe and tour Europe!' There’s always another thing to be done. We just like to keep it exciting. Even live — even live, if we feel it's not exciting and not eventful or we're just going through the motions, we'll do something to change that because we like to stay in the moment, too. Life should be exciting. J’net: [to Tre] When you gave the drumsticks to that little kid last night (in Kansas City) … Mike: I did that. But Tre does every night anyway. One of us will always do it." Backstory: In Kansas City, there was a little girl on her dad’s shoulders throughout much of the show, although security tried multiple times to get him to put her down. At one point, Mike’s bass tech came into the security pit and leaned through to hand her a set of drumsticks. "Mike: She was hitting right on the beat with them on her dad’s shoulders! A lot of people know this, but every night Tre hides a pair of drumsticks under a seat. J’net: Do you always know if somebody finds them? Tre: Well, I put a hashtag on them and sometimes they'll go and put a picture with #TreCoolsHiddenSticks if they found them. J'net: I would just want to know — if no one posted, did they get found? I would have to go back and see if they're still there. [laughs] Tre: Somebody will find them. I'll tape them under the seats. Mike: Eventually. Someone will find them — like at an Usher show. [laughs] J'net: Or a hockey game. [Laughter] J’net: I got to go to the Hall of Fame Induction and the House of Blues show. What a show! I was beating up on the people next to me, because every time something else exciting happened I was [grabbing people and shaking them], "Oh my God! Oh my God!" That was incredible. I want to ask how that felt, but I’m sure you all thought it felt incredible. But could you ever have dreamed that you would be there? And what gave you the idea to come out as Sweet Children, and have Tim [Armstrong of Rancid] come out and sing with y’all and … to celebrate it in that way? Billie: I think it was all about 'bringing it all back home,' to quote Bob Dylan. It was like, 'Let’s make this as fun as possible.' Just have a great time and do everything you can … there’s so much tension with a lot of bands that have gone in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that you literally can’t get them to be on the same stage at the same time. And someone will stay home. And for us, it was the opposite of that. I’d rather seize the moment to remember how we got there. You start off when you’re a kid in a band, and it’s the most exciting thing in the world. And it’s so important to inspire people to understand that it IS the most exciting thing in the world. J’net: Do y’all listen to any kind of music that you think would surprise people to know that you liked it? Mike: All kinds of music. I just like good songs. I don’t care if it’s country — or the other night Tre went out to a jazz club, and then Jason and I went out to the same jazz club after they’d left — the same jazz club, and we didn’t even know they went. And we saw an unbelievable band there in Kansas City. Tre: I like German AND Italian opera. J’net: Do you really? Seriously? Tre: [Laughs] J’net: Oh ... but THAT would have surprised people. Tre: No … just the German. [laughs] J’net: Well, I’m the Italian fan, myself. Tre: It’s all Greek to me! Greek music. Billie: I’m kind of an audiophile. I like to go deep with finding obscure power-pop bands... Tre: Billie makes the best playlists. And he’s the best DJ. Billie: I just read this book called Never a Dull Moment ['Never a Dull Moment: 1971 The Year That Rock Exploded,' by David Hepworth] and it’s all about the music that happened in 1971, so I put together a playlist of all [that music]. I like getting into to doing my own … which is funny, because everybody's doing playlists and putting them on Spotify and stuff like that, and I do playlists and share them with my friends. Mike: She's got to hook you up with about a million more friends to share it with. [Laughter] Mike: Yeah, when we hit the playlist side of things, he’s ready. Billie: Yeah, and it’s all kinds of different stuff, whether it's like Joni Mitchell and Linda Ronstadt, to like ... Foghat and T-Rex. It’s fun to listen to. Especially back then, there was a certain amount of — people were uninhibited. If you listen to Marvin Gaye singing 'What’s Going On?,' there’s nothing self-conscious about songs like that and what was going on back then. I think nowadays, music is so much more visual or something. Some of the stuff from the past is just inspiring. J’net: And you have lots of influences, I can hear them in your music. There are little bits that sound like country and little bits that sound like different genres. Did you get that from your family, or was it all around you, or what? Billie: Well, it was all around me with my family — and I think when I was a kid I just always wanted to be the one to listen to something different. So, when kids were listening to Kool and the Gang’s 'Celebration,' I was listening to AC/DC and Van Halen, or trying to be the first in my high school to discover punk rock, and alternative stuff, too. Nobody in Rodeo had a clue who the Replacements and Hüsker Dü was. I was like the only punk kid in my high school. And John Swett [High School] was ... 400 people, 350 at the most. Mike: Is that what it was? I thought it was a little more than that. That’s still a lot of people, though, when you think about it. Billie: Yeah, there's 80 people in that graduating class. Mike: And then there was this one kid in that high school [who was punk]. Billie: And half of them actually graduated. [Laughs]"

This is the fourth and final installment of our interview with Green Day. In part three, we talked to the band about their past goals, and the musical roots of each of the guys. I have also included some things that were not part of the interview itself, or our recording. At the beginning of the transcription below, I knew our time was running out — and during the recording, we were packing up. I was throwing on my “Still Breathing” shirt, as I call it, for my photo with the band. But I just kept talking and asking questions the whole time to make the most of every second. "J’net: So, I have one more quick question, and this is just my own personal thing that I’ve always wondered — when Mike sang the second half of 'American Eulogy,' did you [Billie] write it with that in mind, did it just happen, I mean … was it something personal to Mike, because the way [Mike] sang it and kind of spit those lyrics out, it sounds like it’s very … something [deciding to stop rambling on with this never ending question and let someone answer] … Billie: I mean, I just wrote it and asked him if he wanted to sing it. [laughs] Mike: I think you need to sing to what the lyrics are calling for. I tend to sing ... like a little girl sometimes. [laughs] J’net: Not in THAT song. Mike: Yeah, but I was conscious that, 'This song isn't for singing like a little girl.' Or if it is, it's a little girl with attitude. Billie: If you think about 'Outsider' by the Ramones, and how DeeDee sang the bridge to it, it just kind of makes more sense. It just kind of comes from the band. And what else? 'I Was There' – Mike sang the bridge on that. J'net: Yeah. Well, you [Mike] sing that 'American Eulogy' like it was written just for you. Just made me wonder … Mike: [Hamming it up] Why, thank you! A friend of mine wrote that just for me! … 'Hey Billie, I got an idea! We can go ahead and take five.' J'net: So, I'm getting a sense that it's time for you [Tre] to have your pizza that you've never had before. Any last things you guys want to say to the readers of Green Day Authority? Mike: Just that we appreciate them and that they should be good to each other and look out for one another online and offline. But, we appreciate the hell out of them, cause that's our community. They're fuckin' rad. We'll see [them] on tour. Billie: I think for me as a musician, it's always important to be a fan first. Because I'm obviously a big fan of the people I like to listen to and stuff like that. So with that said, [we're] like-minded and kindred-spirits. Tre: In the words of the wild stallions, 'Be excellent to each other!'" Thus ended the interview proper, though there was more conversation, as I asked the guys to take a quick photo with me (the first time I've ever asked for a photo with any of them ... the wait was so worth it given how the photo turned out). Then, touring sound engineer and photographer Chris Dugan reminded me that I had a t-shirt to show the band. It was from Jack Yates, Omaha-based editor extraordinaire for GDA, who has been taking all my scribblings and making them look beautiful on the site. His vintage shirt was from Green Day's first tour — the band had screen printed it by hand back in the day. He thought they might like to see it, and maybe even sign it for him (which they graciously did). Tre sarcastically joked that it was really only six months old. Mike laughed, and said he still has the original screen print stencil for that shirt. While the guys were signing Jack's shirt, I was throwing on my "Still Breathing" shirt, which you can see in the photo. The guys loved, it which prompted me to tell them that it's from the Woody Guthrie Museum in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where I'm from. Mike excitedly told me that his wife's family and Billie's whole family were also from Oklahoma. This prompted Billie to tell a story, which really delighted me. The backstory is that he began to tell this tale at the Tulsa Green Day show back in March, but didn't make it all the way to the brilliant ending. We'd talked about this during the car trip there, and Billie just spontaneously answered our question! "Billie: Yeah, my mom's from Sperry, Oklahoma. Oh, we went — this is a funny story. When we were there, I was trying to find where my mom's house was — it was like, I think, about 15 minutes outside of Tulsa. And we went into a high school, and all the people would talk about was like native burial grounds and stuff like that. So we're just looking for this one in particular. So we went into Sperry High School and talked to the administrators, and I come out and all of a sudden it was like, it clicked [snaps fingers], they were like, 'Oh my God, he's here!' and they run out and one goes, 'You're either … Bruno Mars … or the guy in Green Day!' [Laughter] Billie: 'Bruno! Bruno! Bruno Joe!' Tre: [Laughs] 'Bruno Joe.' Billie: And then they sent me all these hats, because they're the Pirates, so I got all these cool pirate hats." Now, as they were still signing Jack's shirt, and I was still "primping" for my first ever Green Day photo, we had this hilarious conversation: "J'net: Do y'all know about all the mis-heard lyrics in your songs? Billie: Mis-heard? Mike: Misinterpreted, you mean? J'net: No, like people hear them and they think you're saying something else! Tre: Oh, that's funny! J'net: Like, 'Gotta know the enemy … raw ham.' Billie: Raw ham? [Hilarity ensues] Tre: Raw ham. J'net: And, 'Somebody take my pants, I think they're falling off … into a state of regression.' Mike: [Singing] 'Somebody take my pants, I think they're falling off, into a state of regression.' [Laughing] Billie: That's amazing. That's a good one. J'net: And then, my son one day and said to me he hears, [singing ... YES, I sang in front of Green Day!] 'Dump truck! Color me stupid!' Billie: Oh, dump truck! [laughs] J'net: British people hear, 'I wore cologne, I wore cologne' [in 'Boulevard of Broken Dreams']. Billie: Oh, wow … J'net: And in 'Welcome to Paradise' — 'Pay attention to the cracked streets and the broken gnomes.' Tre: Scary. Scary. [Laughs] Billie: Nice. I've heard that one before. I think I've seen a meme. J'net: I just wondered if … because when a new song comes out, before the lyrics are published, we're all trying to figure out, "What are they saying? What are they saying?" Billie: Next time we're just going to write them out different. They'll be like just totally different lyrics. Tre: We'll do fucked up lyrics! J'net: Oh yeah, right. That would be great. Tre: We'll get like six-year-olds to say what they think the lyrics are, and then we'll have that be the lyrics. J'net: That would be great! Or me, because my hearing is shot from so many Green Day shows!" This was where our recording ended. At some point during the discussion that continued un-recorded, I told the guys that this (the Omaha show) might be my last show for a while. I said, "A dear friend of mine has a ticket for me to the Rose Bowl show, but I don't know if I'll be able to afford to get there, so this could be it for a while." After that, we prepared to take the photo, which Chris Dugan (the band's sound guy and photographer) kindly offered to take for us — so it wasn't a selfie, after all! Mike suggested that I sit in the chair, and they'd all stand around me. Of course, I can't even express how sweet this was. Then, because I'd been talking to superfan Fran Green in line that day, I said, "Do you know that girl Fran with long brown hair who's always right in the corner of the barricade?" (I motioned with my hands to show where Fran usually stands). And here's how I remember that conversation going: "Billie: Oh, I know her, she's great! She always wants to get up and sing or something, but I really like her energy right there in the corner. Mike: Which one is she? Billie: She has a lip piercing. Mike: Oh yeah! [smiling] J'net: Well, today is her 50th show! Billie: Her 50th really? J'net: Yes, and she's travelling from the 1st through the 27th and not staying in any hotels — just sleeping on the street or in the car. Billie and Mike: WOW. Tre: Sounds like somebody needs a shower!" Finally, my time with Green Day was coming to an end. I thanked them all, and they walked out. Then, as I was about to leave the room, Tre came back with his wife Sara and introduced me to her. She is just as gorgeous and sweet as her online personality seems. We chatted for a few minutes. I told her we love her because of how happy she makes 'this guy' — I point at Tre. To say both their faces were beaming would be a terrible understatement. Just looking at how happy they are together made my heart melt. As they were leaving, Tre stuck his head back in the room and said, "See you at the Rose Bowl." So now, I guess I'll have to find a way to make it to the Rose Bowl. Hope to see you all there! After all this, I was walked out on to the arena floor and asked to choose my spot. I was just dumfounded with the entire barrier to choose from … don't we all wish that could somehow happen at every show?!?! Later, after everyone came in, I couldn't see Fran in her usual spot, and I was just so disappointed, because I thought … knowing the band, they would probably do something special for her if she'd been there. Well, Billie managed to find her on the catwalk, wished her happy 50th and then started singing "Happy Birthday" to her! Hahaha! Tre also gave her an autographed drum head the next night in St. Louis, and I see that she got on stage before her tour was over. The guys are just the sweetest and love their fans so much!

[gra-sonas]

I didn’t mean to be “silent”, this just took me much longer to write than I had planned. 

First of all, I’d like to point you in the direction of a very good post @adiwriting​ posted a couple of days ago, that sums things up in a very articulate way, you can find it HERE.

~*~

In short: in his most recent interview with the Pretty Little Wine Moms Podcast, Tyler - who’s playing a character who’s half Native American -  revealed, that he did a DNA test with a company called 23AndMe during the filming of season 1 of Roswell, New Mexico, and he test didn’t detect Native American ancestry, even though his grandmother had told him in 2010, that his paternal grandfather Harold's great grandmother was Cherokee Indian.

Below the cut is a transcript of that part of the interview, my opinion on this whole thing, and I answered a couple of asks I got about it. This is a VERY long post.

I’ve already watched the video of the interview, and it shows, that they edited the interview quite heavily. There are several cuts throughout the episode, and some things that can be heard in the audio version, didn’t make it into the video either. 

TRANSCRIPT [I didn’t transcribe every laugh or random words, but I’ve tried my best to make it as accurate as possible]

LESLEY: Did you audition for any of the other roles on PLL?

TYLER: No, Caleb came in halfway through season one. I remember, it was supposed to be a 4-episode stint, a guest starring role. What’s funny though, I lived right by Warner Brothers [studios], so I would drive […] past Warner Brothers and there was a bill board of Pretty Little Liars before it came out and I was like “I could probably be on a show like that.” So, anyway, I auditioned for Caleb, yeah. I never read for… […] No, I didn’t get the role at first because they were like “we really think he needs to be like really ethnic. We need some ethnic diversity. And I was like—

LESLEY: What are you? You’re like “hello”! Part Native American, i mean.

TYLER: Well, no, I’m actually not. I’m actually not, I found out.

HOLLY: Whaaaat? Yes, you are. We did talk about this.

NIA: I thought you were.

HOLLY: We talked about this on set.

TYLER: Do you know when I found out that I wasn’t is when I got Roswell, my character was also supposed to be Native American, half Native American. And I was like “great”, because the pool was like so small. You know, so this is great, you know. I’m shooting season one of the show and do a 23AndMe [DNA test] and I have literally not even 0.1 % Native American.

HOLLY: That can’t be possible.

NIA: No, no, no, no, let me explain how that works. That’s not right.

HOLLY: Nia has some things to tell you.

NIA: The information - I know these things, every nationality in me—

TYLER: Okay, tell me.

NIA: 23AndMe is pulling from— if you do 23AndMe and then you do… what’s the other one—

LESLEY: AncestryCOM

HOLLY: AncestryCOM

NIA: —they’ll come up different. And the reason they’ll come up different from each other is, they’re pulling from the people they already have in their database. So, if there’s not very many Native American people doing 23AndM—

HOLLY: Which there isn’t.

NIA: —it’s not gonna show up.

TYLER: Oh god.

NIA: Yeah.

[INFO: There’s a clear CUT at this point before the interview continues, they even cut Tyler’s “Oh god” you can hear in the audio from the video. So they must’ve talked about this some more before the official version of the interview continues.]

TYLER: Okay, so this is what happened, going back [to being cast as Caleb]. They said “thank you so much for the read” and I really thought I was gonna get it. Because Gayle Pillsbury [PLL casting director] - I’d never even read for her before - and I went in and auditioned, and her response was literally everything you want in an audition. She like lost her fucking mind and was like “where did you come from?”, you know, that sort of thing. I mean, I’m a TERRIBLE auditioner and I get so unbelievably nervous, so for that to be the response—

LESLEY: Wow.

TYLER: So that response… I was like “oh my gosh”. And you even audition and you’re like “I booked it. I booked it!”, you know what I mean? Even though it’s not up to her, you know, but anyway. Then they told me “thank you so much for the read, it was so good, but we want more ethnic diversity”. They came back to me, I don’t know, three weeks later? And they were like “What is your background?” And I was like “I don’t even know.” I called my dad, he tells me “I don’t even know.” He’s like “Call grandma.”. I call my grandma, she tells me her side and then… My dad’s dad passed away before I was born, I don’t know his side of the family at all. So my grandmother talks about his side of the family and says “You know—“ - it was Harold, Harold was my grandfather’s name - —“Harold’s great grandmother was Cherokee Indian. And I was like “Really?” I was like “This is good!”

WINE MOMS,  LAUGHING: “This is good!”

TYLER: So, then I told casting “I’m Native American.” And so they thought it was enough to cast me as, you know, ‘ethnically ambiguous’ or whatever.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

~*~

I’m not an expert on DNA tests. Nia’s comment that tests from different companies come back with different results bc they pull their data from different gene pools makes sense, but I can’t verify whether that's actually the case. Neither do I know whether her claim that 23AndMe pool lacks Native samples for reference is correct.

If it is, it would mean that 23AndMe DNA tests in general wouldn’t be able to detect Native ancestry in any sample. Maybe a test with a different company would come up with a different result, in any case, it would be a very small percentage, given how many generations are between Tyler and his Native ancestor.

The result of the test is only one piece of the puzzle tho, and not the relevant one.

The question isn’t whether the result indicates that what Tyler’s grandma told him is false. The question is, if one Native ancestor 5 generations back and no tribal affiliation of any kind entitle Tyler to play POC characters. 

The answer is a clear no, and yet he’s been cast as non-white characters (and in one case as an explicitly Native character) twice in his life.

That’s unfortunate at best, and ignorant at worst.

~*~

Tyler auditioned for PLL in 2010 when he was 23, turning 24 that year. Initially he didn’t get the role bc they wanted someone “ethnic”. They called him 3 weeks (!) after the initial rejection and asked about his background, and by talking to his grandma, he found out about this Native ancestor.

2010 was a mere decade ago, but it was also a different time. Discussions about diversity and representation on screen, the question whether it’s okay for male actors to play trans women or if shows should pass the Bechdel test were all topics that weren’t discussed as “aggressively (and I mean that in a very positive way, hammer it home that all these things matter!) as they are discussed today, and structures in the TV and movie industry ignored most of it anyway (still do way too often, lbr).

Looking back, it’s easy to condemn what happened as vigorously as we would condemn it if it happened today, but applying today’s standards to 2010 is still a bit unfair. (I’m not saying that what happened is okay, just that back then the level of awareness for it to be wrong wasn’t the same as it is today).

Sure enough ABC execs were all too happy to accept that minimal partial Native ancestry as “enough” to cast him, probably also because Tyler looked “ethnically ambiguous” to them, whatever that means. (Holly also mentioned that they talked about Tyler’s Native ancestry on the set of PLL, and apparently not a single person pointed out that maybe it was a questionable decision...).

Tyler was trying to get his career started back then, and an opportunity like PLL would be any young actor’s dream. When they told him “you’re ethnic enough, you’ve got the job”, he lacked the tools and the awareness to question their decision, neither did anyone ever question Tyler’s decision to accept the role. It was considered to be “okay” by all sides. Which is a systemic problem.

As far as I know, Caleb’s supposed “ethnically diverse” background was never explored on PLL, so they were just happy he looked “ethnic" but never gave a fuck about actual representation. Welcome to the club of most TV shows ever made. Even in 2020, too many shows and movies still try to pull that shit. The difference is, that nowadays they are called out, and people speak up. 

~*~

Fast forward to 2017 when Tyler got the script for Roswell. 7 years of him believing that this partial Native ancestry made him part Native, not half like Alex Manes, but it probably felt like it was “enough” - it had been enough for PLL after all.

He got cast because he’s a great actor, but also because he supposedly had the required ethnic background. This is also on the studio tbh. I assume he was asked about his background and he must’ve told them the same story (since he didn’t have a DNA test he could’ve shown them), and for The CW “one Cherokee Indian ancestor 5 generations back” was also “Native enough”...

~*~

It’s quite a bit of a mess tbh. Fans have been hit rather hard by this revelation, some are angry, some are disappointed, some feel uncomfortable, some probably don’t know whether how they feel is how they should feel after applying all our new-found 2020 ~wisdom and awareness to the situation.

Opinions on the matter differ. Vastly in some cases. Some people feel betrayed, some have “cancelled” Tyler, for others it’s not ideal but also not that big of a deal. It’s a mixed bag, really. 

As for me: 2010 Tyler gets a pass from me. It was a “different time” with different industry rules in place, and ABC’s higher ups, who should’ve known and done better, didn’t. Neither did anyone in casting, nor his management, colleagues, or anyone in his personal life. And he clearly lacked the experience and awareness to question the decision, or himself for accepting it because it never was questioned! Not even in the years following.

2017 Tyler only gets a partial pass. 2017 wasn’t 2020 and too many things were still not all that different from 2010. He’d been on a show for 7 years where this partial Native ancestry was “enough”. Hence he probably felt like auditioning for the role of Alex was okay, and everyone involved in the casting process thought so, too. 

He never pretended to be Native American to get the role, he never pulled a Scarlett Johansson. However... he probably should’ve questioned a bit harder whether a Native ancestor 5 generations back makes him “Native enough” to play a (half) Native character, or any kind of POC character for that matter.

So yeah, definitely putting some blame on him for the lack of awareness, but I’m also side-eying The CW and whoever was involved in the decision making. 

~*~

What I hope for and expect fromTyler now and in the future is, that he won’t ever allow to be cast as any kind of “ethnic” character ever again.

He’s worked hard and has very much earned the career he’s made. He’s an amazing actor, but the circumstances that gave him the opportunity to have that career are based on racist structures in the TV and movie industry, and he directly profited from a system, that cast him - for all we know a white man - as a man of color. Twice.

Imo Tyler’s well aware of these things now. 2020 in particular should’ve been a pretty good eye-opener. It’s good that he has someone like Jeanine to look up to and learn from (not her job to teach him or take him by the hand or anything, but I think she’s a great example of someone who’s already made a name of herself, and uses her influence to help others, and the way she talks about diversity and elevating marginalized voices is very powerful), and I hope that in the future he’ll use is voice and “weight” as an established actor, to elevate minority voices and push for their stories to be included.

Answered your question in part above already.

It’s important to note that there’s a difference between criticizing someone’s actions, and openly hating and/or dissing them. This is a messy situation, and while Tyler can’t change the past, he has to do better in the future. Saying that doesn’t make me (or anyone else) a hater. Tyler’s amazing, but he’s also not perfect. And he doesn’t have to be. No one’s perfect.

When I look back at my life, dear god, I grew up in a very liberal family, we travelled places, I had access to all the books and education, and still. At 23? I was somewhat anti-feminist and a slightly conservative leaning liberal. Not a bad person per se, but also quite ignorant (compared to today’s standards anyway). Thankfully that’s changed over the years. And it keeps changing. Because getting complacent and thinking “I know it all” is BS. I’m working on myself every day, and I’m still prone to fuck up occasionally bc the system is rigged in my favor, and I might not even be aware of it in that moment. 

I’m not cross with Tyler, because I can’t say for certain I hadn’t done the same if the circumstances had been similar. I’m actually quite sure I had done the same, bc society and the industry made it okay. AND NO ONE EVER QUESTIONED IT! He never claimed more for himself than a Native ancestor 5 generations back, and society at large and the TV/movie industry in particular said “that’s fine, you have that ancestry, you can go for diverse roles”. So in part, he fell victim to a system that pretended it was okay.

With MeToo and the Black Lives Matter movement, that “it’s okay” mentality is finally questioned and challenged, and more and more people speak up whenever someone tries to pull this shit. But it still keeps happening and there’s a lot more work to do. 

No one can claim ignorance anymore, though. And he has to do better in the future.

I feel you, nonnie. It’s a messy situation. Imo it’s most unfortunate that this information came out the way it did. In a heavily edited podcast episode with inexperienced (and dare I say “industry-biased”) moderators. We don’t know what else he said or for how long they talked about this.

The podcast hosts were clearly not the most qualified to handle that kind of revelation. There were no follow-up questions, there was no criticism, and the way the interview was edited, the whole thing was treated as a non-issue and “fun” anecdote. Which doesn’t do Tyler any favors tbh. 

But imo it’s also unfair to condemn him solely on what they decided to release. We don’t know what else he said, whether he expressed remorse or whatnot. I don’t know whether his publicist okayed the interview prior to its release. If they did, he should get a new publicist... 

(I’m not implying he should’ve kept it a “secret”, but as a publicist I would’ve made sure this revelation had been handled differently, and Tyler hadn’t been made to look like he was just laughing it off).

I don’t know Tyler personally, but going by everything I’ve seen from him and know about him, I’m certain he won’t take on another POC role. And even if another DNA test should come up with a different result one day, and a certain percentage of Native ancestry would be found, I’d expect him to handle things differently. And imo that’s something he expects from himself, too. He’s a good man. <3

I don’t think he should, but I’m white, so my opinion on this isn’t really relevant. If Native groups would call for him to step down (which I don’t think they would), I’d support it because THEIR opinion on this actually matters.

One option could be that they do a storyline where it’s revealed that the woman Alex believes to be his mother isn’t his biological mom and it turns out he’s not Native - but that’s probably a far stretch, idk.

If he’d give up the role (which he clearly isn’t doing, considering he’s found out during S1 and is about to begin filming S3), I doubt The CW would recast the role with a native actor btw. Alex’d just be written off the show.

What I hope for is, that he’ll join Jeanine in her efforts to push for more Native and Latinx representation and stories on the show (Jeanine talked about that in her recent IG live with congressman Castro, @lambourngb​ made a post about it), and you can watch the entire IG live here.

Fandom’s a large group of many individual people. There are several people who have addressed this and talk about it. And while not every single person in fandom’s talking about it, it’s not swept under the rug either.

And how does this whole thing make Malex fans (another large group of many individual people) look toxic? Malex fans are not a hive mind. I have seen several Malex fans talk about this, and talk about it critically.

I’m sorry that you’re disappointed, nonnie, I’m just not sure what you expected?

[soldierallen]

Married. 13

Tagged @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandomsohmy @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91 @gravedollie666 @inlovewith3 @supernaturaldean67 // if anyone wants to be untagged or tagged please leave a message ty♡ also I do not own any gifs or images of any kind.

Part 12:

Appearances; Alexandra Daddario, Chris Evans, Chase Crawford, Sebastian Stan.

Warnings: sexual themes, a bit smutty, fluff, blood? Idk if that’s a warning

Note: I’ lost the password to this account I lost my god damn mind and I gave up on my favorite story, the one that I’ve been wanting to tell this whole time the second to last chapter starts now❤️

Sebastian Stan x Reader

/

Christmas had passed so did new years, y/n's job was fantastic she was having the time of her life traveling across the country for interviews and really putting herself out there being a director for the paper it was amazing, oh wait you're wondering what happened to Alex and y/n?... oh right that part...

That night.

"I didn't mean to hit you in the face it was by mistake" Alex yelled, sebastian pulled y/n throughout the house to get her into the kitchen she slowly lifted herself up onto the counter whilst he looked at her nose blood gushing may I add droplets falling into the floor

"Alex what the fuck do you want?" Sebastian opened his freezer looking for something to ice her nose that was bleeding harshly, y/n's head tilted back slightly

"I wanted to talk to you, But she’s always here she’ll always take up your time that letter you wrote that wasn’t for me it was for her you lied to me... you never loved me it was all fake" she was crushed, both Sebastian and y/n rolled their eyes not believing her bullshit, but also y/n thought... what letter?

"how's this, how dare you think that it's okay to barge into someone's house uninvited and unwelcomed hit someone in the face with a door that LIVES here, oh should I also mentioned how you got her fired, broke her mentally and almost made me lose my relationship with her because of some "agreement" with money, Alex we talked about all of this and it never once came CLOSE to you apologzing to her, I never wanna see you again" he handed y/n a small bag of icey broccoli she laughed at the bag and put it on her nose extremely dizzy

"if that's what you want seb, i- I thought we meant more than that" she swallowed "I'll walk myself out", and with that she left

"That was first time I ever heard you defend me from her" her eyes got watery

“I’m sorry I never did, I’m never I never thought about your feelings or even thought about how you felt or what you was going through seeing you with Henry was enough for me to know that I wanted you she wasn’t the one who helped me all these years it’s always been you.." he kissed her head gently as she came off of the counter

"Seb, I love you" her heart stopped in her chest, and sebastian’s heart starting beating so loud I think the neighbors next door were able to hear it, he put his hands in his pocket.. He was spechless not able to configure words

"I didn't expect me to say those words with a broken nose a bloody floor and as your roommate... sebastian stan I love you and if you don’t love me that’s fine I’ll move out I’ll move to Alaska an-" he pulled her body closer to his, his hands leaving his pockets wrapping around her waist as he kissed her his other hand around her neck thumb caressing her cheek she was in awe, he pulled his lips away and her forehead touched his "I'm madly in love with you doll I want this to work let's make this work"

And after that night they went on their first date which was an absolute disaster from start to finish, starting off with y/n’s dress getting soaked from a pitcher of water spilling on her, Sebastian tripping over nothing and taking a bad tumble, to right before they got home the car breaking down it was just a mess.

It's been three months, everyone is friends again I mean y/n and Henry aren't too friendly but they talk when there in the same room together. Tonight should feel no different and it isn't but what y/n doesn't know is that sebastian's hiding something.

Pretty important might I add.

"I'm going to work extremely early tomorrow so I'll be home at like 6pm okay?" She was standing behind the couch as Sebastian was sitting he put both of his arms out behind him he brought her body closer to the back of the couch and himself they kissed upside down "I love you" her heart fluttered at his words "I love you too" he touched his sweatpants pocket and slowly stopped she went in her room closing the door and he groaned loudly into the pillow putting his hand in his pocket pulling out a velvety red box

"Just do it? What’s wrong with you" he looked at the engagement ring box he heard her bedroom door open again QUICKLY shoving it back in his pocket, "hey seb can you come to my bedroom” she yelled out from the other side of the door, he slowly walked to her door, when he pressed on the door revealing her room candles lit, she was sat on the edge of the bed dressed in a silk robe, a bra and panties he flirtatiously smirked at the sight of her "what do I owe the pleasure.." he asked pushing up the sleeves to his crewneck sweater, "I regretted your offering a few nights ago I told you I wasn't ready yet to start getting intimate like that" he nodded remembering crossing his arms over his chest clenching his jaw, "please forgive me" she untied her silk robe letting it fall to the floor seductively his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her for the first time he was mesmerized by the shape of her body it didn't matter to him what she looked like the curves of her body or her petite figure he didn't care, she was his and he loved her.

"you're forgiven" we're the only words he could let out, he wanted to know every wrinkle, every freckle, every beauty mark, on her body he wanted to be a genius of the anatomy of her body, he got closer his hands finally finding her skin chills circulated all over her body as he got right behind her kissing her neck one arm creeping to her stomach her back pressed up against his front she felt the heat between her legs light a fire

as he gently unclasped her bra taking the shoulders down sensually his lips connecting once again with the skin between her neck and shoulder loving the feeling she reached over behind her touching him through his pants he felt a little hard which turned her on even more, the hand that was on her stomach slowly inching closer and closer toward her heat, she loved this teasing she just knew she would miss work tomorrow, "tell me if I should stop" he whispered so low she barely heard what he said, his hand found her heat rubbing circles teasing her so badly her body pressed up against his she stopped him turning around ripping his shirt off his body revealing his magnificent body his chain dangling her hands gently reached his waistband of his pants pulling them down as he stepped out of them, "this should be fun" he whispered finally their lips connecting the only thing keeping them apart were the underwear between the both of them, the teasing kept going which made things more interesting when finally they had enough with the foreplay.

"So how was I I haven’t been at it in some time” she said with a smirk he traced her skin with his fingertips loving the warmth her skin held

"phenomenal" he said in the lowest voice he sounded cheesy as hell she pushed off him which made the two laugh a lot they cuddled closely to each other a moment they never wanted to forget for as long as they lived..

That morning she got up got ready for work she picked up the clothes off the floor his sweatpants inside out she picked them up to fold them when something fell out of the pocket a red velvet box her eyes widened her skin was getting really hot, he was gonna propose??? Or he is? What- she quickly put the box back in his pants and threw them on the floor

"Y/n, mr Crawford needs to speak with you." His assistant came up to her at office “can’t he just call me men are useles Lucy” the assistant laughed walking out, she got up going to his office "chase if this is about me being late-" she was going to explain herself until he stopped her, "nope I have a job proposal” proposal that word it scared her to say the least... “I'm handing it over to you first if you don't want it I'm giving it to angie. Y/n I want you to take the duchan case." Chase said She was in shock "chase-" "you know how much you mean to me and this company you're the right women to take it I offered it to you first" "what do I tell Sebastian?" "If you take the offer? Well hi honey baby sweetheart I have to leave for the next 5 months to Brazil and I won't be back anytime soon and also I can't have any contact with you or anyone else for that matter just my boss" chase said with a laugh he clicked his pencil once he ended his sentence.

"Haha very funny," she rolled her eyes "listen can you give me two days?" He nodded standing up as did she "I need your answer by morning the second day alright kid" "yes sir" they hugged and she left, her relationship was very friendly with mr Crawford he didn't treat anyone in the company the way he treats y/n I guess because they get along so well. Y/n has a chance to leave the country and figure out a case and be a reporter something she'd never thought she would do, but she would lose seb..maybe even lose the proposal if she leaves

"Hey I'm home" she yelled as she took her keys from the lock, closing the door she felt a strange sensation come upon her like it wasn't sebastian in the house but someone else, her instincts kicked in she grabbed the stick for the fire place walking around the corner it was a women cleaning which startled the women that was cleaning she threw her rag in the air she was filled with fright, "miss I'm so sorry I thought mr stan told you I was coming in today" y/n huffed with relief "it's okay not to be rude but why did he call you to come in today?"

"He said a special occasion" she told y/n, she shrugged her shoulders what was sebastian's special occasion? Is he gonna propose???

"I never got your name?" Y/n said

"Margo" she reached out her hand for y/n to shake it and she did "um I guess carry on sorry for almost beating you to death" she laughed and the women did too she went into her bedroom and laid on the bed “what am I gonna tell him do” she was in panic mode what did she do when she panicked... “CHRIS come over” she said he laughed on the other line “what is it this time” he said “an emergency for your ears only mr Evans I am warning you”

It was an hour later Margo cleaned the entire house it was spotless... why did he ask her to come in?

“He’s gonna WHAT” he said

“YEAH I saw the box”

“did you see the ring?” He whispers

“no I wanted it to be a suprise! Now tell me what to do”

“Don’t take the job offer” Chris said “are you gonna elaborate or that’s it just don’t take the job” she was anxious

“you’ve wanted him your whole life and you have him now and you’re gonna give up on him for a job? There’s more to live than a job” Chris said “you’re right I just this is so good for me I’m scared that.. I’ll lose on this opportunity and I lose out on my seb” she wanted to bang her head into the wall

“Choose Sebastian or the job”

“Sebastian”

“Than you’ve made up your mind!”

“I want him Chris i always will but will he always want me like he does right now will he change his mind in 5 months will he decide he doesn’t love me after all, I have to think about these things because he makes promises and doesn’t keep them... I just hope I’m making the right choice” she said

“You are” he pulled her in and they hugged while they sat down, their legs up bodies close their heads on top of each other’s, they heard the door open “cheating on me already” Sebastian walked in with a laugh “yes kiss me” she said with her lips puckered he kissed her sweetly “hey Chris” they hugged “I guess I’m gonna go... good luck” he said grabbing his jacket and kissing her cheek “bye text me when you get home”, and he left Sebastian nowhere to be found

“Seb....seb....” she looked in the kitchen in the bathroom in their separate rooms where?.. oh the “backyard” he looked out into the skies some beautiful buildings “I have something to tell you” he said looking at and it at her, “what” she got closer closing the door behind her.. “I got offered a job..and I’m not gonna be here for a while” her heart broke “what...” “my boss told me I have no choice I have to take this job she can’t lose money on my account, baby” he turned towards her “ it’s in another country they want me to run one of our out of country offices for the next 5 months” she laughed, “I got offered a job today that I can take or leave they want me to report a story in Brazil for 5 months and I didn’t know if I should take it because of us..” he was amazed “baby a reporting job that’s amazing I’m so proud of you” he kissed her for a brief moment putting his hands on her shoulders rubbing them “tonight was suppose to go a lot different, this wasn’t suppose to be happening now” he fiddled his pocket pulling out a letter “hi beautiful, I’m writing you this letter cause god I miss you things haven’t been the same without you I haven’t been able to see you remember when we slow danced at dance rehearsal, when you helped me pick out the flowers for the wedding, I just want you to know that I love you and when the right times come they come. Seb x” he said as he read out the letter “she found the letter when she came home after a few days away thinking it was for her, I wrote this letter for you I wrote letters every time I missed you he pulled out three letters from his jacket pocket “I confessed my love for you in all four letters because I thought maybe you’ll reciprocate it one day I hope today is that day” he got down on one knee her heart was racing she pushed her hair out of her face to wipe her tears

“We’re going to be apart for 5 months I don’t think I can wait that long to marry you y/n so for gods sake y/n y/m y/l will you marry me so help me god you stay in my life for the rest of my life” he said with small tears pouring out of his eyes she hugged him so tight she was bawling her eyes out she kissed him a million times it felt like “I knew you didn’t even care about the ring” he laughed she didn’t even put the ring on she knew he loved her a ring didn’t mean anything

“Yes a million times yes” she couldn’t believe she was saying these words to Sebastian of all people she was saying yes to getting married to him she was engaged!

“Sebastian it’s so big!” She was amazed “you deserve it my fiancé” a smirk left his lips she loved hearing that word come out of his mouth “I might just rip your clothes off now” “is it cause I said my fiancé” she nodded kissing him once more “I’ll only be able to call you once a month for the 5 months I’m going to be gone” she said he nodded “me too” they both knew this was going to be a hard task however it’s happening to both them..

[nbhd-daily]

LILY PATTERSON: Where the fuck is Chip Chrome? I noticed you deactivated your Instagram.

JESSE RUTHERFORD: [Laughs] I like that you turned the “who” to “where.”

PATTERSON: Obviously, there’s one glaring reference for an alien rock star alter ego—

RUTHERFORD: Wait, wait, wait, who though?

PATTERSON: … Ziggy Stardust?

RUTHERFORD: I’m just joking.

PATTERSON: [Laughs] Oh my god, I was like, “Did I say that clearly?” But yeah, you’re channeling an icon. Tell me about bringing Chip to life.

RUTHERFORD: I’ve had the idea for Chip for about two and a half years.

PATTERSON: So it’s been baking.

RUTHERFORD: Yeah, I had the name, the whole shit. Obviously, Bowie is a giant reference… Ugh, I hate that word. A giant inspiration. It’s funny; when I was a kid, people would tell me about him, but I wasn’t really interested. I was gravitating toward hip-hop or modern pop. First, I got really into interviews and just watched the man talk. Then the music. I’ve always been an in-between kind of fella. I’m not quite this, I’m not quite that. I’m not super masc, I’m not super feminine … I’m kind of a confused person, to be honest with you. Bowie has helped me route. Like, here you go, this is a blueprint, an architecture. Not to say I sound like him at all.

PATTERSON: You deployed @chipchrome on Instagram, a platform that’s created so much anxiety around being “real,” being consistent, endlessly delivering your personal brand. And now Chip’s off the grid.

RUTHERFORD: I’m trying to figure out myself in all of this. Maybe I’m expected to have already done that, but I haven’t. I feel like I turned into a “thing” on the Internet. When you work on a piece of music for a long time, you post it, and it gets X amount of likes, then you post a picture with your girlfriend and it gets X amount… It’s just a weird, challenging, confusing feeling. I feel like there’s an opportunity to get off the platform, or at least try it this way.

PATTERSON: How many months ago did you debut Chip? August?

RUTHERFORD: Yes. I killed @jesserutherford when I turned 27. Dead at 27.

PATTERSON: A not-so-subtle 27 Club reference.

RUTHERFORD: Exactly. It’s this ridiculous motif. Really, I want to have fun with this stuff, play with it. Like, yo, nobody paints themselves silver, throws on a Spandex suit and a grill. Then, of course, Kanye West comes along…

PATTERSON: [Laughs] Major Basel ‘fit.

RUTHERFORD: Bowie passed and everyone started to think about him again, riff on him. But no one was taking it to the full Ziggy extreme! There’s a Tekashi69 out there but no Ziggy Stardust? C’mon. It feels comfortable for me. I’m having fun.

PATTERSON: Can you describe the physical process to go full Chip? Side note: I saw a picture of that reflective Marine Serre balaclava you scored recently. Insane.

RUTHERFORD: The makeup itself isn’t too long of a process. I’ve always done it myself. Actually, I have a friend of mine who rips at makeup, Sydney, @sydn4sty on Instagram—

PATTERSON: Good friend plug.

RUTHERFORD: She’s bomb. Me and Dev [Devon Carlson, Rutherford’s partner] met her, she was our neighbor at an apartment we lived at a bit ago. She came over, fucked around and helped me with an eye design. For the most part, though, I’ve always done it on my own. We did a tour recently, and I’d usually start an hour before the show, giving myself time to get in the headspace. I could turn into Chip in 25 minutes. It doesn’t take that long.

PATTERSON: What about the suit?

RUTHERFORD: The silver suit is a stupid Spandex suit from the boulevard. I just ended up going into one of those places, figuring out a suit that worked there. Taking measurements and shit, getting the sizing right.

PATTERSON: Love that.

RUTHERFORD: I premiered Chip at a B-level, crusty, Hollywood, kind of spaghetti Western-y place. Which felt right. But as you can see—you referenced the top Dev got for me—there’s so much opportunity for Chip to grow visually. When we [The Neighbourhood] go on tour later this year, I want to develop this. But there’s also something about the campiness, this B-level visual, that I really like. It feels authentic to me.

PATTERSON: All in a time when people are hiring stylists for their hotel-lobby-to-car looks.

RUTHERFORD: [Laughs] Exactly.

PATTERSON: I feel like the DIY, the physical process of putting yourself together imbues a certain energy, a sort of leveling with your audience.

RUTHERFORD: Right. Thanks so much for noticing.

PATTERSON: Is Chip working its way into your solo act? Or do you think you’ll reserve it for The Neighbourhood?

RUTHERFORD: It was gonna be its own thing. I had no intention of bringing Chip into The Neighbourhood. It sounds corny, but the reason I wanted to do Chip for The Neighbourhood is—I don’t know if you’ve heard our song, “Middle of Somewhere.”

PATTERSON: I did. I watched the video.

RUTHERFORD: That song is a special one to me. I wanted to make sure that I could attach something to it that would make people stop, look, and have to listen. We were gonna do a textural video, like B-roll footage, Super 8, nature-y. I wake up in the morning, and I go to the house we’re recording at, in Coldwater Canyon. Before our director Alex got there I was sitting in the house, looking across the canyon over on this hill, and I actually had a vision of the chrome fuckin’ thing on top of the hill. So I showed up the next day in full Chip regalia, and everyone looked at me like, “Oh, no…”

PATTERSON: [Laughs] So that was the first introduction between Chip and The Neighbourhood, when you made it a part of the universe.

RUTHERFORD: It was, yeah. Actually, this producer duo called Take a Daytrip–they did that Sheck Wes song [“Mo Bamba”], “Panini” by Lil Nas X–they’re doing so well. I’ve known them for a long time. They’ve always sent me beat packs and I’ll just go through, pick ten at a time. I thought Chip was going to be leaning more toward my hip-hop shit.

PATTERSON: Yeah, if you’d gone through with Chip as an independent project, how would it sound?

RUTHERFORD: End of 2017, me and my engineer, Danny, were in the studio, going off on Chip. If you ask my friends, they heard about Chip so long ago, they’re like wow, you actually did it! Chip was going to be hip-hop.

PATTERSON: Daytrip almost feels more aligned with this glitchy, chromed-out look than The Neighbourhood. I’m thinking of the “Panini” video, Lil Nas X in the space suit.

RUTHERFORD: Hip-hop music has been my programming. It’s been my love. When I was a kid, hearing Eminem, G-Unit for the first time, I was like… Bro, that is it. I don’t know if you know where I’m from, Newbury Park—

PATTERSON: Ventura County, right?

RUTHERFORD: Yeah, yeah. I was kind of the odd one out, in my neighborhood, my area, obsessed with rap. I decided to stick with the guitar, and I fell in love with it, not having to use so many goddamn words. In fact, I don’t want Chip to talk, because Jesse talks enough. It’s all in the song, that’s where I’m gonna leave it. And “Middle of Somewhere” is a good jumping off point. That’s probably the purest sound you’re gonna hear; it’s just me and a guitar. I’ve been really into Dolly Parton lately—

PATTERSON: She’s having a revival moment with us younger gens!

RUTHERFORD: She’s a great reference for what I’m doing, because Dolly will tell you, “Yeah, I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m fake on the outside, because I am! That’s what I wanna look like. And that’s fine, because I know what’s coming out of me is more real than anything. So I don’t have to worry about that.”

PATTERSON: People are gonna assume they know what Chip’s about; i.e. my questions about the Ziggy comparisons or the visual continuity with Daytrip’s sound. But the far-out visual is paired back to a fairly stripped sound.

RUTHERFORD: Exactly. It’s not what people are expecting. Right now, Chip’s dedicated to The Neighbourhood. The project is gonna be called—there might be a change—but right now it’s called Chip Chrome and the Monotones. The boys, the way we all look together… They’re shadows, they’re silhouettes.

PATTERSON: They’ve got the reflective two-piece suits, right?

RUTHERFORD: For the most part, I’m the only one who has to say something to express what we collectively feel. So if I say something they’re not into, they tell me. I mean, there’s two thousand songs the world won’t hear because we all didn’t agree. It��s working, though. When I first showed up as Chip, everyone was like “what the fuck are you doing?” Now that we’ve worked on the context, everyone’s down.

PATTERSON: Final question, easily the lamest. Will Jesse/Chip find their way back to Instagram?

RUTHERFORD: I guess I’ll say I don’t know. I’m only a couple weeks off.

PATTERSON: How’s it feeling?

RUTHERFORD: I mean, you know… I’m going through it a bit.

PATTERSON: It’s a hell of a drug. You ingest it, but it can also completely consume you.

RUTHERFORD: Comparing myself to everything, everyone, everybody I love… You can’t look at humans like that. I don’t want to think about what everyone else is doing. I feel my creativity pumping back up again. I mean, I have the queen of social media sleeping in the bed next to me. And it’s the coolest thing ever, the way Devon does it? That’s the way you gotta do it. Not work for it, but make it work for you. And that’s cool, that’s her thing, it doesn’t have to be my thing. Luckily, if I do want to come back…

PATTERSON: It’s all gonna be there.

RUTHERFORD: The weirdest twist to it all—which I love, which is wonderful—is that I get off of it, and a week later I get an email that Lily from Interview fuckin’ Magazine… I mean, it’s Interview Magazine! If that isn’t a sign to pay attention, then I’m an asshole and I need to recalibrate my vision.

[fthisshiiimout]

Hearing Vlamis in interviews really gets under my skin. I get that you have to prop up your current storyline and all..but it encroaches on disrespect to being downright to not only the Malex storyline but to fans as well. How can in the show his character call their connection "cosmic", yet in interviews keep going off about how much "Your character loves Maria" and " Shes your safe place". Or how your character feels some type a way about Alex but really "feeling his friend".. Or some BS like that..It really cheapens the storyline and his character as a whole. I feel as if the more he keeps talking the LESS i want to watch.

When I started watching I kinda thought it was a cool concept ( Super Big X files fan here, it was my generation) albeit for a slightly younger crowd. Ive always been big into sci fi stuff in general. I also liked the "small town" feel of it.

I also recognized Tyler Blackburn. I never watched PLL..actually..funny..i forbade my girls to watch it.Just the name alone was enough for me ..and teenage girls are scandalous enough without outside influences..guess I was "That mom".. Lol..but in reality who didnt know him? Anyways i digress..

I actually connected with the characters. Funny Michael first and foremost. I was raised for a chunk of my life in the NH Foster care system. Bounced from home to home..group homes..orphanages..ect till my parents got their shit together..but i understood to a point where Michael was coming from. Also being Bisexual as well helped.

But what really drew me in was the Alex/Michael dynamic. It was electric! The chemistry was off the charts. I felt that through the screen. I felt Michael's desperation for acceptance and love. You could see instantly that he felt that with Alex on some level in the beginning. I could also see Alex's hesitation and fear, eventhough you dont find out till really why till later in the season, but that to me is what came across the screen. Never shame but a healthy fear of something.

As the season progressed , and esp the flashback episode, i really started to relate and understand Alex more. He lived his life embedded in Fear. His outcast status in school, being bullied, being gay in a very red small town, mother abandoning him, Overbearing homophobic military father. Holy shit..no wonder why hes fucked up! But I also saw how kind and caring he was. His love of music speaks volumes to me as a music lover. I saw how he was with Michael..it was sweet.. I even understood their connection more. But i also got the shattering too. Because of his father too. To a point.

My biggest gripe about this show is the lack of letting the characters breath and show more of an organic growth. The scenes seem cut super short and alot seems to happen off screen that now im not sure what part of a progression in the storyline im watching. Is anyone else noticing this?

Vlamis isnt helping me understand this at all. I still do not understand the Michael and Maria storyline. I saw them as friendly.. Maybe less..but love..mmmm..not sold. It feels hurried,half assed and non existant. I mean God..Ive slept with my bartender a time or 2..but it def wasnt love..no matter how much Ive flirted with them.. Or listened and talked to them. And she treats him like a dog..does no one else see that? Talk down to him..and is really rude..how do you talk that up? And on his end its just as fucked up. I literally do not see the connection! I see interracial love everywhere. I dont see it here.

I just dont get it! If your fanbase is mostly Malex and Echo..why for the love of God..send someone out to push a storyline very few are watching! The ratings are tanking, hemmoraging..yet you continue to spout it at every interview! God..its ignorance and stupidity rolled into one! Seriously! Just stop!

[mksc77]

30 for Christmas prompts, thanks

Thanks so much for the ask, anon, sorry this took so long!  I’ve tweaked canon a little bit for Chain Reaction :)

30--”Ugh, I’ve caught a cold.”

On the Saturday after Thanksgiving, Sharon sat at the kitchen table with a stack of Christmas cards to mail out. Christmastime often made her miss Emily's and Ricky's younger days, but she had to admit that writing a short message and signing cards was much less of a hassle than getting them ready for pictures and dealing with them moaning and groaning about it. She got a tissue from the Kleenex box beside her and blew her nose, grateful when the tea kettle on the stove whistled. Andy had just had a cold and had whined incessantly about it for over a week, but it wasn't nearly as bad as his antics had made it out to be. After adding honey, cinnamon, and a little lemon juice to her steaming mug, she got back to her Christmas cards.

A few minutes later, Ricky came in. He and Andy had been tasked with buying the Christmas tree that morning. Sharon sipped her tea. "Where's Andy?"

"He's going next door to ask John to help us bring in the tree."

Sharon narrowed her eyes. "Why will that require three of you—never mind. I don't want to know."

Ricky shrugged. "You'll find out soon enough."

It wasn't long before the three men were dragging in the tree. And kept dragging several moments after a normal-sized tree should've been through the door. "Andy, what the hell?!" Sharon couldn't help exclaiming. She followed them into the living room, her eyes widening as the tree nearly reached the fifteen-foot ceiling. "Andy!"

Her pine needle-covered husband looked over at her as he started unwrapping the string from around the tree, all innocence. "What?"

"This is enormous!"

"Yeah, well, we thought-"

"Uh, you need to work on your first-person pronouns, Andy. There was no we," Ricky interrupted. "I told you Mom was going to lose her mind."

"Fine. I thought last year's tree looked tiny in here-"

"It was ten feet!" Sharon moved closer to the tree. This one had to be at least twelve or thirteen. The lowest branches were as high as her knees.

Rusty came in from his bedroom, where he'd been studying for upcoming exams all morning. "What is all the commotion?!...Holy crap, that's a big ass tree."

Sharon nodded at Andy. "Clark Griswold here thought last year's was too small."

Rusty looked over at her when she sneezed. "Oh, god, Mom, are you sick? Stay the hell away from me, I can't get sick before finals!"

Andy glanced at her. "Yeah, you don't look so great."

"Ugh, I've caught a cold." Sharon gave Andy a pointed look. "Your cold."

Andy grinned. "Hey, is it my fault you couldn't stop kissing me?"

Sharon nodded. "It's absolutely your fault for being so damn cute." She looped her arm through his and tilted her chin up to kiss him.

"It's a good thing we haven't eaten lunch yet," Ricky muttered. "It would've just come right back up."

"It's like they try to gross us out," Rusty agreed. "Just be glad you don't have to be here much when this place is a clusterfuck of mistletoe. Andy puts it everywhere. The tradition is to kiss under the mistletoe, not make out, but try telling them that."

Ricky grimaced. "You have my sympathies."

Sharon rolled her eyes and started back to the kitchen. "I'll cook lunch," Andy offered. He looked back at Ricky and Rusty. "After we make a pit stop under the mistletoe."

"I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait to get back to studying," Rusty grumbled. "Next year, I'm hiding that damn mistletoe."

Sharon sat back down at the kitchen table and continued with her Christmas cards while Andy pulled ingredients out of the refrigerator. "I'll make the Margaret Flynn cure-all," he promised, still sounding a little congested, himself. "But I'm not so sure you can pin this on me. If you had what I had, you wouldn't be writing Christmas cards right now. You'd be in bed."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "It's the same thing, Andy, I'm just not the same baby that you are about a little cold."

Andy looked wounded. "It was not a little cold!"

Sharon placed her pen on the table and sipped her tea. The sniffles and mistletoe reminded her of a certain Christmas a few years ago. Rusty had recently pointed out that she and Andy were "dating," and neither of them were sure how they felt about that revelation. The "non-dates" had slowed down, and they weren't sure how to act around each other. After a couple of weeks of thinking about it, Sharon was coming around to the idea, but Andy had taken a couple of steps back. Rusty was also experiencing rejection, and they had commiserated about it after they'd finally solved the case. Rusty didn't know the specifics with Andy, but she'd been frustrated enough to generally vent a little that evening over burgers. She also felt a little dejected that he was back to calling her 'Sharon,' but she wasn't about to bring that up. She'd never thought much about the possibility, but hearing him referring to her as 'Mom' in front of Jeff, the guy he liked, had sounded so natural and warmed her heart. And, god, Jack had been such an ass, basically guilting her about Christmas through the damn interview camera. That had just been the beginning of another headache, and she hadn't been happy with Emily and Ricky for keeping that from her. Especially since they were able to leave town soon after but left Rusty in the middle of the aftermath.

That evening, Nicole and Dean dropped their boys off to spend the night, and Emily, Emmett, and Marie came over for dinner. While they were eating, Marie dropped her fork on the floor and looked over the side of the high chair. "Fuck!" Sharon's eyes widened as the other adults tried not to laugh, and she was soon trying to suppress laughter herself.

Six-year-old Logan and four-year-old Alex were thankfully engaged in their own conversation and didn't notice, but it didn't get past anyone else. The table exploded with laughter, and Emmett finally composed himself first. "Honey, that's not a nice word, so don't say it again, okay?"

Marie gave him a disbelieving look and glanced around the table until her eyes landed on Sharon, then pointed a chubby finger in her direction. "Gammy said it!"

Mocking looks of reproach from the other adults were immediately directed at Sharon. "She's repeating everything we say, now, you have to be careful," Andy chided, in a perfect imitation of Sharon to the rest of them. She'd been getting onto everyone else about cussing in front of Marie for months now.

"This is too funny," Ricky added. "Mom breaking any kind of rule is hilarious enough, but it's the best when she breaks her own."

Emily laughed. "When Marie repeats what she heard her dear Gammy say and gets kicked out of daycare, clear your schedule, Mom, because you'll have a new job."

Sharon rolled her eyes, remembering exactly when she'd gotten busted. "This wouldn't be an issue if someone would put the toilet seat back down every now and then," she muttered in Andy's direction.

Once dinner was over and the kitchen was clean, Sharon started her kids' Christmas playlist while the kids and grandkids poked through her ornament collection and started hanging them on the tree. She would definitely be going behind them and rearranging many of them later, but they were having a good time. The younger ones were, anyway, the older ones weren't so keen on this task. The Glee soundtrack had provided some good, upbeat, kid-pleasing songs, and they bounced around to We Need a Little Christmas as they strategically placed their ornaments. Well, Marie was doing a little more of just watching the others than decorating, which she needed help with, but it worked. Sharon missed Ricky's comment that it didn't feel like Christmas without 'Mom being an ornament Nazi,' but she did notice when she wasn't satisfied with one of his ornament placements. "No, not there, Ricky."

Not surprised, Ricky pointed his finger torward her. "There. Now it's Christmas."

Ignoring him, Sharon lay against Andy on the couch, humming softly as he draped a blanket over her and kissed her forehead. "You don't feel warm, so you definitely can't blame me for this," he informed her. "It can't be the same thing."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "You never had a fever, either." Like a child, he'd claimed that her hand had to be wrong sometimes and insisted on using the thermometer, although it had rendered the same result.

"No, I think we just need a new thermometer," Andy insisted. He stroked his fingers through her hair. "This song reminds me of the Santa murders from a few years ago. But I like this version of it better, I've gotta admit." He'd never wanted to hear Johnny Mathis again after watching the security tape from the flash mob so many times. "Except I was the one with the cold then."

Sharon nodded. "I was just thinking about that earlier. And then you passed it to me after an impromptu rendezvous under the mistletoe after the makeshift Christmas party."

Andy shrugged. "Or, you could've just gotten it from being in close quarters during the case. Provenza caught it from me, too, but I swear it had nothing to do with mistletoe."

Sharon laughed. "There's an image I could've gone without. But I like my version of how I caught it from you better, at least I got a kiss out of it. A good one, might I add."

December 24, 2014

After the case was wrapped up, Sharon was in her office, going over some paperwork before heading home. It was hard to concentrate, both from the sadness of not being at home with her children and from the recent revelation of Provenza's new relationship. She smiled, despite herself, remembering how she'd had to forcefully gesture for her team of elite detectives to leave the murder room after Patrice showed up like they were a bunch of gossip-hungry teenagers. She looked up when she heard a knock at her door and invited Andy inside. He told her a little bit about the end of the case and paused. "You know, if you can't make it home for the holidays, maybe home can come to you." Confused, she got up and followed him to the break room. He opened the door for her. "Merry Christmas."

Sharon's eyes lit up when the first thing she noticed was her old Christmas village. It wasn't arranged exactly like she usually did it, but it was close enough. She did notice a small green gift box adorned with holly berries with her name on it tucked neatly in the snow, and her curiosity got the best of her. She smiled when she opened the gift and found a small angel. The mystery of the sender was solved when Andy appeared beside her. "Merry Christmas!"

Sharon turned and gently tugged at his tie, wishing it was suspenders instead, but anyway, then quickly pulled her hand back before anyone else saw. "Andy! Thank you. You didn't need to get me anything."

"Yeah, well, I saw it and couldn't help but think of you."

They shared a long gaze and might've kissed right then and there if everyone else hadn't been around, but Emily and Rusty, seeming to be in the midst of a heated discussion in the hall, caught her eye. All three of her children had appeared to be up to something, a fact she'd picked up on despite the fact that she regrettably hadn't spent much time with them in the last couple of days. "Excuse me." She still wasn't convinced that they weren't hiding something from her, and she felt like she’d gotten so close to breaking Rusty, but Emily's announcement about being a soloist the next year was exciting enough for her to push it to the back of her mind for the time being and enjoy the rest of the party.

A little while later, everything was cleaned up, and everyone was leaving. After promising her children that she wasn't far behind them, Sharon went to her office to gather the remaining paperwork from the case and straighten up her office from the last couple of days of chaos. The Christmas decorations would stay up for a while. She was never in a hurry for Christmas to be over, especially now that she'd worked for most of Christmas, and the Catholic tradition of leaving Christmas decor up until Epiphany was one she didn't complain about. She looked around the murder room for a few moments before going to the break room to make sure none of her dishes or anything else from the condo had been left behind. She was surprised when Andy was still there. "Hey, I thought you were gone."

Andy shrugged. "I'm not seeing Nicole and her family until tomorrow, and Provenza and I usually spend Christmas Eve together when we don't have to work. He's with Patrice now, so I'm not exactly in a huge hurry to get home."

Sharon gave him a sad smile. "I'm glad you'll get to see some of your family tomorrow. You should probably get some rest, anyway, you've sounded a little congested since yesterday." Things had been different between them for the last couple of weeks, but she could sense a little bit of normalcy creeping back. She noticed the mistletoe above them, and an idea came to her. She didn't know if it was Christmas or what, but she'd been toying with the idea of moving past the friendship stage with Andy since the night they went to The Nutcracker. She just wasn't sure how Andy felt about it, but the electricity that seemed to be between them felt right. "Thanks again for my gift," she added, hoping to pick up where they left off at the party. The long gaze returned, and Sharon's heart fluttered when Andy's face started to move closer to hers. He seemed to think better of it and leaned back again, and her heart sank just as quickly.

"I, uh, don't want to give you my cold," Andy explained, unable to make himself look away from her.

Sharon looked up in a pointed gesture. "Well, you know how I am about rules, and I'm even more strict about Christmas ones. You're going to have to do better than that."

Andy's hesitation must have been more about not knowing whether she wanted to than about him not wanting to, because he didn't waste any time. "Well, I am a diligent rule-follower."

Sharon forced herself not to roll her eyes and choked down a disbelieving laugh as she cautiously slipped her arms around his waist and closed the space between them. She liked the closeness and complied as Andy tilted her chin up and kissed her. It was slow and tender, but not without passion, and she felt stirrings in her that she hadn't felt in a while. Her mind raced with the complications that came along with a relationship with her subordinate, but she forced herself to push those thoughts aside and enjoy the ride for now.

A complaint from Ricky pulled Sharon from her thoughts. "I still can't believe you threw away my pinecone elves. They were the essence of Christmas."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that they were falling apart?"

"A lot more times than you should have to tell an adult," Rusty answered. "Don't worry, Ricky, Harry, Sam, Franklin, Scotty, and Twinkles are in pinecone heaven, I'm sure."

Even after Ricky and Andy had surrounded the tree with ornaments as far up as they could reach, the top half was still massively empty. "A stepstool should be required for the angel at the top, not to decorate the top half," Sharon said. "I refuse to have a half-empty tree, and how are we supposed to get the lights around the whole thing?" They had a pretty large stepstool, but she wasn't sure that it would suffice.

"We'll figure it out," Andy assured her.

True to his word, the tree was fully decorated some time later. Sharon had to admit that she liked the large tree, but Andy didn't need to know that just yet. Emily and Emmett left with a nearly-asleep Marie soon after, and Logan and Alex were starting to look drowsy, too. "All right, boys, I think it's about bedtime," Sharon announced. They didn't protest, and Sharon guided four-year-old Alex to the bathroom to help him with his bath and get him ready for bed. Once both boys were in their pajamas and tucked in, Sharon and Andy curled up in the recliner in the living room. With Rusty intending to get up early to study the next morning and Ricky having an early flight, they both said goodnight and went to their bedrooms earlier than normal. With a piano version of Hark the Herald Angels Sing playing in the background, Sharon lay on Andy's shoulder and enjoyed the Christmas monstrosity in front of them. The pine scent was strong and filled the room, even wafting into nearby parts of the house. After another mug of tea laced with cold-soothing ingredients her grandmother had sworn by and a dose of NyQuil, Sharon was ready for bed, herself.

Andy wasn't tired yet, but he got in bed and read while Sharon was still in the bathroom. When she crawled into bed beside him in one of her warmer nightgowns, it was more obvious that she wasn't feeling well without her makeup. Andy softly kissed her and absently ran his fingers through her hair as she lay on his shoulder. "Tell me when you want me to turn off the lamp."

"S'fine," Sharon mumbled, the cold medicine clearly kicking in. She usually didn't like for anyone to be touching her while she slept at night, much to Andy's dismay, but she was asleep against him just a couple of minutes later. Andy straightened the covers over her and kissed the top of her head. "I love you."