#it’s just that i forget sometimes that my mind isn’t everyone else’s mind and i’m like oh right

[cetoddle]

i think a lot of people irl think i might be a lesbian just because i am so picky about men. cause most of the time im like eh he’s okay. oh he’s not my type. no i dont think that guy is hot. so they just assume i dont like men at all. which is. fair

[goldfish-afterhours]

Genshin Characters When They Realize They Love You

Characters: Kaeya, Childe, Zhongli, Xiao x gn!reader

Type/genre: Bulleted headcanons, fluff, slight angst

Warnings: Self-doubt/anxiety, not proofread

Kaeya

Knows he loves you when you tolerate his antics

You see through his flirtatious mask, and though you may roll your eyes in exasperation sometimes, you never lose your patience with him

Sometimes you even join in on his bits, telling tall tales to children or helping him convince the town that drinks were half-off at the Angel’s Share tonight

“If enough people believe it, then Master Diluc has to follow through, right? Can’t let his regulars down~”

Kaeya has been itching to say those three words. He can feel it creeping up his throat everytime you scold him for taking his tricks too far, everytime you smile at him

But for some reason, he finds himself holding back

What if you leave? What if you perceive it as weakness?

What if you don’t love him back?

He knows these thoughts are irrational, but he cannot stop his worst fears from creeping into his head

But the longer he waits to say it, the deeper of a hole he digs for himself

He loved you with his entire being. He was only trying to protect himself

So how come you were standing in front of him, hands covering your face as you sobbed that he didn’t love you?

Upon seeing you in that state, in a panic Kaeya forgets about the scared little boy in the rain, and the words come rushing out before he can stop them

“I’m sorry. I love you, I love you more than anything in this world, I promise. I…I love you. So please…don’t cry.”

Childe

Realizes he loves you just as you are beating someone up for information

Not surprisingly, Childe is addicted to the thrill that danger brings. And if the thrill comes in the form of you, isn’t it obvious he is addicted to you as well?

And what else could that be but love?

Also he’s just into people who can beat him up

No such thing as a bad time or place. The moment he realizes he loves you, those three words are already flying out of his mouth

Everyone in the situation was stunned—it was enough to make you stop punching the treasurer hoarder in the face, and the treasurer horder was staring at him dumbfounded through bloodied, swollen eyes

“Don’t mind me, I just felt like saying it. As you were, then?”

Zhongli

Knows he’s in love with you when you remember the things he forgets

As a god, there weren’t many things he had to remember to carry on his physical person, so he’s still getting used to it

After all, what use is food to an immortal being, an umbrella when his clothes were already soaked in blood, or mora to the God of Money?

But after leaving his archonhood behind, he has to start carrying such things around

He’s trying his best, but is still getting used to it so he frequently forgets

But you remember for him

You show up at his workplace, lunchbox in hand, chiding him for forgetting when you worked so hard cooking it this morning

You show up just as he clocks out for the day, a large umbrella held over your head to block the pitter-patter of the rain, saying how you didn’t want him to get his new suit wet

You chase after Zhongli on his way to the marketplace, scolding him between pants for making you run to give him his wallet

You could’ve let him suffer the consequences for his airheadedness, but instead you go out of your way to cover for him, and he loves you so much for it

The next time you give him something he forgot, he thanks you with a kiss

“Thank you for bringing it for me, my flower. I love you.”

Xiao

Realizes he loves you when you stay, despite it all

You’re not afraid of him. Even as a bringer of death and destruction, you don’t even hesitate to be around him

Even as the dark forces of his karmic ties suffocate him, you stay by his side, comforting him with quiet encouragements as he endures the pain

It’s not just because you’re the only thing keeping him sane. Even when the whispers grow quiet, you bring a sense of peacefulness and serenity to Xiao, one he hasn’t felt in thousands of years

You make him feel safe

You’ve made it clear to him that you’re not going anywhere, and he cannot begin to express how much he needed you to ground him

On one of the days the demons become head-splittingly loud in his ears, you cradle him in your arms, whispering sweet nothings to overpower the voices

Slowly but steadily, they grew quieter and quieter, until all Xiao could hear was your honeyed voice and the sound of his own harsh breathing

Overcome with appreciation for you, he opened his mouth to say something, but he was exhausted

All he could utter were three words that only began to dip into the reverence he has for you

“I…love you.”

[icyg4l]

PAC: What Do You Need to Let Go Of?

Hello beautiful people! Today is Saturday aka Saturn Day. In honor of Saturn Day, the day associated with banishment, protection and responsibility. Today is the day we let go of what no longer serves us; the day where we can no longer ignore what sits heavy on our spirits. So without further ado, please choose your Saturn.

**If you really loved this topic then you should book a reading with me, please read my guidelines and then message me privately! Also, if you had received a reading from me, don’t be afraid to leave a little feedback! Please and thank you in advance. 🫶🫶🫶

Top Left-to-Bottom Right: (1-6)

PILE ONE: “No More Mr. Nice Guy” is what I heard. I feel like you tend to have a lot of love & compassion for people. This doesn’t necessarily translate over to the other person/people though. You need to stop being so nice, Pile One. I think you have a lot of growing up to do. There is good and bad in everyone but what really matters is how this person makes you feel. Stop caring about the feelings of other people if you aren’t going to take yourself into consideration. This is why you always get taken advantage of. It’s okay to be a moody bitch sometimes. Having a sunny disposition 24/7 just isn’t realistic. Don’t act naive when you know the truth about certain situations. Move intentionally and with wisdom. If you don’t think they won’t do that, think again.

Cards Used: The Star, King of Cups, 7 of Cups, The Fool, The Moon, The Tower, Judgment.

PILE TWO: The movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind may resonate with you. I feel like you need to let go of your ex, seriously. You don’t have to forget about them but you do need to move past this person. They have caused much turmoil in your life, especially when it comes to your mental health. They could have indirectly negatively affected your finances as well. But there is someone else who is on the horizon. They want you to see the bigger picture. They want to show you better. If you have been writing notes about what you would like to see in your future partner, expect for these qualities to show up in someone that will soon approach you. They have a beautiful, colorful aura and they will let you shine. Your ex fucked you up bad but you can recover from this. Don’t be afraid to see what love has in store for you, my love.

Cards Used: King of Cups, The Magician, 2 of Cups (RX), The Star, The High Priestess, 5 of Wands, Judgment, Strength, The Fool.

PILE THREE: You’re a Virgo/Sagittarius, aren’t you? You don’t have to know and control everything, honey. Let go of the need to be involved in everything. You have been neglecting your soul’s needs. You have a lot of potential to grow but you don’t know how to accept help nor do you allow yourself to just be. You’re so uptight and burnt out right now. It would benefit you to just walk away from stress-inducing situations. If you know you can’t take that extra shift at work, why even bother? Who are you trying to please? You are making it hard for yourself to maneuver through this world peacefully because you do not know how to enjoy what’s in front of you. If only you could see the beauty of your labor. Slow down. Why are you going so hard for? You’re so used to making things happen that you get frustrated when things don’t work out your way. A word of advice: Please just allow time to do its thing. Don’t work against it.

Cards Used: The Sun (RX), Ace of Cups, Strength, 2 of Discs (RX), King of Wands, 7 of Wands (RX), 3 of Discs, 10 of Swords, The Magician, The Hierophant.

PILE FOUR: Christmastime must be your favorite time of the year, huh? I feel like you could also have a strong connection to Mariah Carey as well. Her book is on my mind heavy as I’m reading for you. I feel like you are so used to dysfunctional relationships. You have the tendency to move fast with people. I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, they ain’t going nowhere! Let go of your lovebombing tendencies and show up as your real self. I don’t think you see this as that but it is. You don’t seem to be big on communication. I don’t think you had the best role models for any kind of relationship so you just do what you know. But this does not translate well with other people, which results in chaos. Unpack why you interact with others the way that you do. You too, have a lot of growing up to do, my friend.

Cards Used: Knight of Wands, King of Swords, Queen of Cups (RX), Four of Wands (RX), Ace of Wands (RX), The High Priestess, 8 of Wands, 3 of Cups.

PILE FIVE: “Shut up and dance.” No seriously, shut up and dance. I feel like you are someone that refuses to be seen dancing in public or just in general. There is no need to feel like that. Let go of your shyness, babe. I feel like you actually have good dance moves, you just don’t want to be seen for some reason. Dancing will help you get more comfortable in the spotlight. You have gotten too comfortable in your little bubble. The next time someone asks you to dance, accept the offer (especially if it’s zydeco, salsa or kompa 🙈). You’re never too cute to dance, pookie.

Cards Used: The Hermit, Knight of Discs, The Chariot, 6 of Wands, The Empress, King of Discs (RX).

PILE SIX: Why are you wasting your time arguing with everyone? You need to master the art of preserving your energy. Let go of the need to prove yourself/defend yourself to other people. You exist just like everyone else on this planet but somehow you always end up in a verbal altercation. Is it worth it? I’m sure there’s plenty of alternative options you could choose. Just walking away could do you some good. You are the type of person to catch someone in a lie. Instead of cursing them out, you could just laugh in their face or block them. You could channel this energy into something else. It is normal to experience anger. But just know that you could always get in trouble if you never control it properly. Get a handle on your emotions. Be more logical & cutthroat. I think you definitely could benefit from taking the high road. Your soul is tired. Give it up, babe.

Cards Used: Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords, The Lovers, 8 of Cups, Ace of Swords, The Hermit, Justice, The Moon, The Star.

[xenteaart]

contemplating mediocrity

pairing: idol!chan x reader (gn but written with f!reader in mind) word count: 0,9k genre/warnings: er, hurt to comfort, use of "baby", self-doubt, honestly not much else, pretty pg-13 author's note: heavily inspired by @withleeknow 's last seungmin fic, i couldn't handle the angst and needed to comfort myself fkdjfkdjfk. also it kinda made me reflect on why it hurt so bad so i guess this fic is a little support and comfort thingy for everyone who might not be feeling "enough". before reading you might wanna check out the inspo fic itself <3

“baby? what’s wrong?�� 

ah, he’s always too quick to notice. 

you take your eyes off the laptop and put a video of 3racha’s festival performance on pause.

“nothing. you guys did a wonderful job, truly. ’m just… contemplating my mediocrity.”

“what?” he’s more just taken aback than anything else but you read it as irritation.

it’s one of those days when everything feels extra sensitive, even the things you can deal with well on a regular day.

“what? chris, baby, i’m not being self-deprecating, it’s just a fact. i truly could not be more proud of you, but sometimes i just can’t shake off the feeling of not doing enough compared to you. 

it warms my heart to know that you are so so loved and respected, it really does. but, i guess.. it’s a little humbling too? i haven’t achieved anything nearly as grand and i don’t have thousands of people cheering for me after i do as much as breathe. which you totally deserve, by the way, i’m not saying you don’t.”

long silence follows as chris frowns, carefully crafting his next response while you’re already starting to regret you opened your mouth at all. maybe, some things should be kept to yourself. maybe, it’s not really necessary to share every dark thought that comes to your pained mind after midnight. maybe, it’s safer for your relationship to just move those conversations to a cozy zoom meeting with your therapi—

“that’s a skewed perception of our dynamic though, baby.” 

oh, shit. he has the look. you know this one too well, and it says “i’m not letting this slide and we’re talking this through”. 

“how so?” you feel tired and discouraged already, mostly annoyed at yourself for making your boyfriend come up with some nonsense points to make you feel better now. 

“don’t put me on a pedestal. firstly, i think you’re forgetting how many people there actually are behind what we’re doing. daily. i’m talking all the staff and production teams, makeup, hair, clothes, art direction, schedule management. everything. there is literally a whole division for us that makes us look the way we look and helps us do what we love.”

you stay quiet, blinking slowly and pursing your lips together. 

“which isn’t to say we don’t work hard or that we haven’t achieved anything, but it wouldn’t have been possible without all that help. 

secondly, in my daily life i’m just a guy, baby. literally just a guy who loves music. nothing fancy,” chan gives you one of those wide soft smiles, and you hear your heart break a little. 

“yeah, well, not every guy who loves music has the amount of awards and recognition you do, baby.”

“okay, where is this truly going?”

there it goes.

“sometimes i worry i just can’t match it? that you’ll get bored of me because i’m not over the top extraordinary or... whatever.”

you feel stupid. 

“so you think i’m with you for your so-called achievements?”

you can’t come up with a response, so he continues, gently hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder. his favorite way of making you feel loved. 

“i’m with you because you’re my sense of normalcy, baby. you calm my mind when it’s racing too fast. you’re my safe little harbour where i can find peace after hectic schedules and loud noises and crowds. you ease the weight i carry on my shoulders every day.” 

you stay silent, focusing on the feeling of his warm breath on your cheek. the tip of his nose is touching your skin lightly.

“you love the regular channie. you kiss my puffy swollen face in the mornings, and those kisses make me wonder if i’m actually not that bad without all the makeup on after all. you laugh at my jokes and cuddle me when i get needy. you listen to my darkest nastiest thoughts and never judge me for feeling whatever it is i’m feeling. 

what i’m getting at is that... i can just be me around you, you know? that’s why i’m still here. and i feel so proud to have a partner with a big warm heart and a strong mind, honored to be cared for by someone so neat and beautiful in the most mundane things.

do you really think i’d measure my love and respect for you by something like fame or... some noble achievements?”

“i don’t know,” you sound even more confused than at the beginning of this suddenly serious conversation, caught off guard by chan’s words, but mostly — his tenderness towards you. his patience and the way he's willing to spell it out for you if you're feeling too low to see the whole picture yourself.

"well, then i’m telling you. that is just not the case. you’re already everything i could ask for, baby. someone passionate, honest, reliable, loving and kind. someone who holds my hands through the hard days and makes me laugh on the good days. simple as that."

the pressure on your chest is slowly fading as chan's words finally sinking in, finding their ways into your system and rendering as the truth. the ache isn't completely gone but you know it will be in the morning, when the sunrise washes the rest of your worries away.

for now, you turn around in chris's embrace and hide your nose in the crook of his neck, simply breathing and enjoying the lingering scent of his soap. skin to skin.

[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (2)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

I know I’m just starting and don’t actually have much experience with this, but I’m actually having a lot of fun doing it and already can’t wait to post more.

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 1 — MEET YN / MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 2) — LAS VEGAS

liked by bestfriend, yourmom, mollyjane_x and 22,108 others 

yourinstagram HELLOOOOOOO FABULOUS LAS VEGAS NEVADA 

view all 3,045 comments

user1 soooo… a new full time job that took you to las vegas? 👀 yourbrother Please behave  bestfriend don’t get (too) drunk without me pls harryfan STOP FIRST LOT SHOW IT’S IN VEGAS 

↳ harryfan2 She’s going to the show right???? I mean it can’t be just a coincidence anymore IT JUST CAN’T ↳ harryfan NO I KNOW THIS IS IT I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

Aug 26, 2021 •

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liked by bestfriend, cuteguy, mollyjane_x and 22,451 others 

yourinstagram you’d think a lady in vegas would be out there getting wild but this one actually has been locked in her hotel room for the last 27 hours overthinking her ideas and freaking out about this new job lol if any of you could send me a pizza or something id appreciate it. thanks. 

view all 3,111 comments

user1 nooooo you’re so talented whatever it is i know you can do it!! bestfriend yn ✋🏻  cuteguy Should I give you a call? 😊 harryfan17 I would too be freaking out if I had to work for THE harry styles lol

↳ harryfan16 we still don’t know if she is tho  ↳ harryfan17 C’mon she’s in vegas and molly and jeff are following her ↳ harryfan16 still 🤷🏻‍♀️ tour doesn’t start for another few days so this could be just about something else  ↳ harryfan16 also maybe she’s there because she wants to be and not bc she’s “working” for him. she’s done videos about several artists and she isn’t working for any of them is she?  ↳ harryfan17 Well yes but she literally just said she was starting a new job so 🤷‍♀️ ↳ harryfan16 so everyone just assumed HARRY, out of all people, hired her? c’mon guys lol she could be working for just anyone and STILL go to a show. one doesn’t have to be related to the other.

Aug 28, 2021 •

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liked by anthonypham, bestfriend, lookitsnyoh and 25,103 others 

yourinstagram fun fact: if you post something on the internet people around you might see it 🫠

guess im lucky this lovely group who still don’t know me at all cared enough to drag me out of my room and show me around the city. sometimes i get so caught up inside my mind that i forget how important human connection is — which is funny if you think most of my videos are exactly about that lol. so plssssss make sure to surround yourself with (nice) people. also get some sleep, drink water and feed yourself. it’ll do wonderful things for you!!!

anyway my mom was worried about my “not leaving the room post” so this is just me saying everythings good!! (i also already called her of course <3)

view all 3,557 comments

bestfriend LOVE YOU harryfan the new followers the new likes 😭 it’s happening i knew it  user1 so true bestie!! this reminded me of your 2nd video i think

↳ yourinstagram omg yesssss!!  ↳ user1 ahh i missed your interactions <3  ↳ yourinstagram i knowww! promise i’ll try my best to keep interacting even if it’s not as much as before 💗

lookitsnyoh my belly still hurts from all the laughing 

↳ yourinstagram and my mind is still rushing from all the talking ↳ anthonypham go to sleep you two 

harryfan9 I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING BUT OMFG I’M SO HERE FOR IT

Aug 29, 2021 •

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liked by anthonypham, mollyjane_x, bestfriend and 27,257 others 

yourinstagram sightseeing left me speechless. but here’s a picture from tonight. 

view all 4,107 comments

user1 omg you’re feeding us this week! i’m so happy you’re being active again <3 harryfan78 POST A PICTURE OF YOURSELF I WANT TO MEET YOU AT THE SHOW BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE 

↳ user4 calm down pls? we like to behave as respectful human beings on this profile

bestfriend ❤️❤️❤️ bestfriend i’m losing my mind but i’m also so excited and proud! user7 I miss your videos :( lookitsnyoh when was this? where was I? bummed that I missed it!

↳ yourinstagram sorryyy just a last minute decision after dinner :( ↳ lookitsnyoh ohhhh makes sense now! Glad it left you speechless ↳ yourinstagram i mean the city is beautiful  ↳ lookitsnyoh sure thing it is 👽

Sep 1, 2021 •

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liked by harryfan, harryfan2 and 15,157 others 

fanwhometharry GUYS I JUST MET HARRY I’M SHAKKNG I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW 

view all 2,107 comments

harryfan64 omg where did you meet him??

↳ fanwhometharry AT THE BELLAGIO  ↳ harryfan64 is he staying there???  ↳ fanwhometharry NO!! I MEAN IDK?? I DONT RHINK SO I JUST MET HIM OUTSIDE AT THE FOUNTAINS  ↳ harryfan74 hmm not tryin to be rude or something but that sounds like a weird place for him to be tbh ↳ fanwhometharry I FUCKKNG KNOW THAT?? I MEAN MY PARENTS WANTED TO SEE THE WATER SHOW SO I TAGGED ALONG BUT NEVER EVER THOUGHT ID BUMP INTO HIM THERE

harryfan62 you’re so lucky!! was he alone???

↳ imetharry I DONT KNOW?? I DONT REMEMBER I WAS SO NERVOUS  ↳ imetharry I KNOW THERE WAS A GIRL NEARBY BC SHE HANDED HIM A PEN WHEN I COULDNT FIND MINE BUT I DONT KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HJIM OR NOT ↳ harryfan62 who was this girl? Anyone from the LOT crew? ↳ imetharry IDK I JUST SAID I DONT EVEN KNOW IF SHE WAS WITH HIM OR NOT 😭

harryfan15 Hi hun! Don’t listen to people, they're just jealous. It was really sweet of him to sign that for you! Hope you have a great time at the show 💕

↳ imetharry THANK YOU 😭😭 HE WAS THERE JUST WATCHING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SO I DIDN’T WANT TO TAKE A PIC IF PEOPLE DON’T BELIEVE ME THEN I DON’T CARE I KNOW IT’S REAL 😭😭

Sep 1, 2021 •

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liked by gemmastyles, anthonypham, jefezoff and 35,109 others 

yourinstagram having to keep this secret from the world was the most cruelest thing that anyone has ever done to me. but whatever… it’s fine… i’m okay… i’m just gonna pretend this wasn’t a big deal and i didn’t just watch one of my favorite artists perform my favorite songs… and then i’ll just casually say: pls stay tuned for next wednesday when my new video will be up 😇

(i’ll be back and share more details once my serotonin levels have normalized again)

view all 7,125 comments

bestfriend i love you so much thank you for representing us so well  harryfan I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT OMFG I CANT WAIT I KNEW IT harryfan2 YN KASDHUHHD PLS OMFG YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THIS AND LEAVE user1 😲 i can’t wait for this one! harrystyles soz 

↳ harryfan OMFG HARRY ↳ harryfan5 ?????????????????????????? ↳ harryfan3 AUIDHIAUSHDBAJH WTF ↳ harryfan9 ARE YOU F KIDDING ME WHATS HE DOING HERE

cuteguy Nice! Glad you’re having a good time darling. 

Sep 4, 2021 •

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PART 3: DENVER

— — — — — 

If you happen to read and enjoy this, pls let me know? 🙏 thanks!! it would be nice to know if this is working, or what else would people would like to see.

[huuuuughes]

Mine. - Jeremy Swayman

Summary: Jeremy comes over to beg for your forgiveness, and things quickly take a turn... but not for the worst.

Word count: 3.3k (its short ik im sorry)

WARNINGS: Daddy kink, dirty talk, unprotected sex, bad writing??? idk this is porn OKAY READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. pls dont read if you're under 18 thank u!!

Note: i wrote this awhile ago for goalie week and then a bunch of stuff happened and i kept forgetting to post it bc i started my first full time job a month ago and its kicking my BUTT. anyways thanks for reading :)

You could hear your phone going off from across the room. It was Friday night and the end of a very long work week. Your boss was driving you up the wall and your personal life didn’t seem to be going much better. Your friends were good, you just didn’t get to see them as often as you wanted due to just being adults and everyone having their own full time jobs. 

The one person who was supposed to make your life easier, better even, was the one currently blowing up your phone. You knew exactly who it was, but he deserved to sit there and stew for a while. But as you looked around your apartment while trying to decide what show to numb your mind with, you noticed things of his strewn everywhere. You didn’t live together, not yet anyway, but based on the amount of things you had at each others’ places, you may as well have. 

Your work involved working with many different clients, and making their dreams come true. You were a travel agent, and your boss didn't exactly adhere to the typical 9-5 schedule like a normal job. If you were awake, she expected you to be able to take care of the problem. 

You had already decided long ago that men didn’t always think with their brains. Jeremy was jealous, but of what you had no idea. Did you have a lot of clients who were men who wanted to surprise the lady in their lives? Yes. Did those scumbags also try and make a move on you sometimes? Also yes. But you were a professional, and always conducted yourself as such. As much as you wanted to, it wasn’t your job to fix someone else’s insecurities. You could tell Jeremy that he didn’t need to be jealous until you were blue in the face, but you didn’t know when he was going to get it. You weren’t broken up, but you’d told him you needed a minute for him to calm down. It had been a few days at that point, and you couldn’t deny you were also getting antsy. He may be a stupid guy sometimes, but he was yours.

After what had to be the millionth time of your phone going off with a DING of a text, you made yourself get up off the couch. The last message you had read:

Sway❤️: I know I’m stupid. I need you to know I’m sorry. Can I see you, please? 

After the stressful week you’d had, you wanted nothing more than to feel his familiar warmth around you. The moment he was near you it was like the noise around you calmed down to its lowest level. 

Y/N: I’m at home, you know where to find me. 

Sway❤️: I’m on my way, be there in 20. I love you. 

The next twenty minutes were going to kill you. Your apartment was already cleaned, because you liked to clean when you got anxious as mess only made you more anxious. Your doorman would recognize Jeremy and send him up when he arrived, so you didn’t need to even get up to let him in. He had his key, he knew exactly where to find you. 

After an eternity, at least what felt like one, you heard the familiar sound of a key in the lock. He quietly took off his shoes by the door, and locked it behind him. 

“Babe?” He called out, already walking toward the living room where you sat. 

“I’m in here!” You called back. Relief washed over you when you saw him, but you didn’t get up and go to him. He had to earn you back the way you deserved. 

“Where should I start?” He asked, sitting down in a chair only a few feet away from you. 

“How about how you shouldn’t act jealous of my stupid clients? Or any man that I’m ever with that isn’t you? Do you really think I’m that crappy of a person that I would EVER cheat on you?”

“I know I shouldn’t, I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do that because you’re the best person I’ve ever known, but-“

“BUT WHAT JEREMY?” You screamed, and you know it came out louder and meaner than you wanted it to. He recoiled a little bit but didn’t lose his energy. 

“I’m stupid. I’m a stupid guy, who knows you are way out of my league. It sounds like a dumb excuse, but I’m so scared of losing you. I want you, I want to love you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. But you’ve seen the league, you’ve seen what this life can do to relationships and what it turns people into. I don’t want anything bad to happen to us. I know this isn’t the life you signed on for. I think about you being at home alone and I hate it.” He looked defeated and like he meant every word he’d said. 

“You can’t lose something you already have.” You wanted to close the space between you so badly. 

“You still want to be with me?” You got up and walked to the kitchen as he asked, putting away the wine you’d gotten out so it wouldn’t spoil. He followed closely, less than a few steps away. One giant step and he’d be able to close that space. 

“I wouldn’t have told you to come if I didn’t. You just needed to listen, and you weren’t hearing me. You don’t have to be jealous of anyone, that isn’t who I am.”

“I hear you loud and clear now. And I’m not jealous, you’re just mine.” The tone in his voice shifted to another one you recognized. 

“I’m yours huh?” You said it like you were challenging him because it sounded like he thought he already won. He should be fighting for you and showing you what that means. 

“Do you need a reminder?” He closed the space, so his forehead rested against yours. You could feel his hot breath on your face, breathing in time with you. Without warning, you pressed your lips against his with a new hunger behind you. You’d missed this heat between you, the raw need to have each other right in that moment. 

His hands explored your body, finding their way to your ass and lifting you up onto the counter. It was cold against your legs, the shorts you had on weren’t very long and you felt every inch of cold countertop but you didn’t care. His lips left yours with a moan and began making their way down your neck. You could feel how wet you were already getting, responding to his touch so quickly. You reached for the hem of his shirt and motioned for him to take it off. He complied in earnest, his mouth immediately returning to you.

Lifting your shirt up and over your head, your breasts became exposed for him to devour. He licked around your nipple, biting it and chasing you to arch off the counter while letting out a scream. Your nails were digging into every spot on him that he could reach. Momentarily he kissed your mouth again, bringing his still covered cock against your center. You could feel it hard against you, the friction only giving you the slightest relief. 

“Please daddy, please I need-“ You tried not to beg but the torture was killing you. 

“Tell me you’re mine and I’ll give you exactly what you want. Tell daddy who you belong to princess.” He whispered in your ear, continuing to kiss around your neck in the spot he knew you liked. 

“YOURS. I’M YOURS!” You needed relief or you were going to go insane. 

“Now was that so hard baby?” He asked. You didn’t even have the time or energy to reply as he pulled off your shorts in one big motion. 

“No underwear? Even better.” You attempted to push his head toward your swollen clit, but he wouldn’t go faster than he wanted to. He kissed and bit your thighs, leaving marks where he knew no one could see. You’d have those marks there for weeks. Each kiss he got closer until you finally felt his tongue brush against your clit. You shivered as he began to devour you, your thighs clenching around his head not wanting him to escape.

He pulled back but only for a moment, instructing you to lick the fingers he was putting in front of your face. You did as he asked, and he resumed going after your pussy. In a new move, he inserted his fingers into you as he continued eating. His tongue was licking in time with his fingers as they pumped in and out of you. He was hitting a spot in you that you didn’t even know was there.

“Holy shit don’t stop, don’t stop PLEASE.” You were writhing on top of the counter as he struggled to hold you in place. He knew you were so close to your high, edging you just along that fine line. You’re burning up and he knows it. His other hand reaches up and pinches your nipple before grabbing onto your breasts like they were his lifeline. 

You cursed him silently for having hair you couldn’t grab onto, but you pressed his head as if it could go further into you. His tongue quickened its pace, matching his fingers. You could feel your orgasm building and it was right there, all you needed to do was let go. 

“Let go baby girl, cum on my face for me..” He whispered against your clit,  and what came out of yours was a series of expletives that you didn’t care to understand. He could taste everything you were giving him, not stopping as you started to come down. Every nerve ending was on overdrive and he held you down against the counter. The wave of your orgasm rolled over you, your heart pounding in your chest. He didn’t let a single drop of you miss his mouth, and you saw his smile looking up at you as you tried to catch your breath. 

He stood up without breaking eye contact, and undid his own pants. He made sure all remaining clothes of yours were off, nibbling on your ears and down your neck as he did so. In a move of complete trust, he picked you up off of the counter and carried you down to where he knew your room was. His lips found yours again and suddenly your lungs were struggling for air but you didn’t care. Your arms were hooked around his neck as he walked, kissing him like your life depended on it. 

Setting you down on the bed, he laid you down on your back, and stood back to marvel at the sight of you. 

“You look… “ his brain was struggling to find the right word, “fucking stunning.” 

“And you have too many clothes on… sir.” You put yourself up on your elbows, looking down at his boxers that for some reason, had remained on. You didn’t need to let him finish what he was going to say, you needed him to do something more than speak. 

“Sir?” He raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to you. 

“Did you like that?”  You knew he did but it was your way of teasing. His mouth was on yours before you could process his next movements, placing one hand to your side to balance himself and the other knotted in your hair, pulling your head back so you were looking up at him when he pulled apart. You didn’t even realize that his boxers were already off, as you felt his cock brush against your leg and pussy. 

His hand left your hair and explored your leg, getting closer to its destination. His face was so close you could feel his hot breath on your face and his fingers glided over your folds, but so lightly it sent a shiver up your spine. You could hardly catch your breath but you were dying for him to touch you, to fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name. You wanted him to hear you. His hand remained on your pussy, his fingers becoming soaked.

“So fucking wet for me baby.. did you miss me?” He quickened his fingers and began pumping them inside you. The feeling of his fingers wasn’t enough, you needed more and a whine-like moan escaped you. You whispered a response to him, and it spurred him on. 

“Please Jeremy please, please I need you inside me..” 

“That’s not my fucking name, not in here. In here I own you, isn't that right princess? Do you want me to be gentle?” You nod no, but that isn’t enough for him.

“Use your words princess.”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“Don’t be gentle!” You tried pushing his head towards your core again, but he remained looking at you with his fingers teasing you. He added another, stretching you from the inside. You gasped and scratched your nails up his back. 

You gasp again, as you feel him part you with two fingers and put his tongue against you again. He wasn’t done tasting you yet.

“Please baby, I need your cock. Please!” Your mouth couldn’t move fast enough and you didn’t even care that he had reduced you to a begging mess beneath him. Your hips wanted to grind, needing more friction. You could feel your release building again as he sucks on your clit. It was right there, you could feel it as you clawed at your sheets trying to grab onto something but there was nothing. 

Your legs spasmed around his head as your release flooded over you and he ate you once again. 

“So fucking wet for me, you’re so stunning baby girl.” He kissed his way up your body and aligned himself with your entrance. He isn’t gentle as he slams into you as he kisses your mouth like you’re the only thing keeping him alive. 

You’re left begging for air as his head drops down, ducking your nipple into his mouth. 

“Oh god, oh fuck..” you cry out as he wasn’t holding back. He slammed into you over and over, bringing his hand up to find your clit. As he fucked you he was playing with your clit again, causing your wetness to pool onto the bed. Every single nerve you had was on fire, and only he could put it out. 

“Tell me you need it, tell me how bad you want you want my cum.” The hand not on your clit slowly moves up your body to the bottom of your throat and locking his hand around it. Not putting too much pressure, but enough to lightly choke you. Both of your hands gripped his arm as  you felt his cock filling you and his thighs slapping against yours. His speed was increasing and so was the hunger in his eyes. 

“Oh fuck, fuck daddy please I need your cum I need you so bad..!” 

“You are mine, your orgasms are mine, everything about you is mine.” Without warning he withdrew from you, earning a desperate moan. Quickly he flipped you over into your stomach, pulling your hips back so you were on your hands and knees facing away from him with your ass in the air waving him in like an invitation. 

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He whispers into your ear from behind you. He places kisses on the spot in your neck he knows drives you crazy, running his cock along your folds at the same time. He pushes into you again and holds back nothing. Jeremy grips both of your hips with his hands and brings your hips back to meet each one of his thrusts. The sound of his thighs hitting your ass echoes throughout the room, reaching spots inside you that you didn’t know he could. 

You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, you collapsed into the bed as he fucked into you. 

“So fucking tight princess, this pussy was made for me.” His nails scratch down your back eliciting a loud string of moans. His thrusts become more erratic and he brings his hand up, then down to smack your ass as hard as he could. The scream you made encouraged him more, and you could feel a third orgasm building.

“Fuck daddy, please I’m right there I need to cum daddy please..” You didn’t know how he had gotten that many out of you, but you could already tell he was determined for more. 

“That’s it baby, cum for me, cum all over my cock..” He brought his hand around as he leaned into you to tease your clit some more. You were right there, you pushed back to meet his thrusts to get yourself over the hill and the relief washed over you. You moaned out his name, begging for him to fuck you harder and faster. 

He loved seeing his length go in and out of you, taking all of him so well. Spreading your legs to give him a better angle, his cock continued hitting that spot inside you. He slaps your ass again, and again. You cry out, knowing his release was close behind. His hands wrap in your hair and pull you back, making you arch towards him. 

“Fuck yes baby, you like it when I fuck you like this? You ready for my cum?” He chases his release just as badly as you want it from him, feeling him trying to reach his high. You nodded in response to him, not being able to form any more words. The only sounds coming from you were moans of encouragement, it felt like you could be on cloud nine. 

“FUCK!” He screamed as he pulled almost all the way out, slamming back in and releasing his load into you. Jeremy almost collapsed onto you, but he brought you into his arms as he pulled out of you as his cum slowly leaked back out. You knew he thought it was the hottest thing ever. Both trying to catch your breath and come back down to earth, he pulled you in once you laid down so that you were on his chest. You could hear his heartbeat going a million miles a minute inside his chest, but it brought you a sense of calm. Your person was back where he belonged, he had finally heard you. 

“I love you.” He finally spoke but he still sounded out of breath.

“I love you too.”

“No, you don’t understand. I love you, I really love you. THIS is what I want. This body, your perfect fucking curves. Every minute of every hour of every day, I want you. Not just your body, I want all of you. I’m sorry I was so stupid. I can’t promise you that I won’t make stupid choices sometimes, but I can promise to be better for you every day.”

“Jer-“ You attempted to stop him, you knew he was it too. 

“Please let me finish. I want to make you feel good, I want to be the person you want to come home to every day, I want to be the person who pushes you to be the best version of yourself and make you feel like the queen of the world. You’re it for me, there is no one else. I’ve spent my whole life doubting myself and chasing this dream I couldn’t even describe. But I can see it so clearly now, and I know that dream is you. And I want to be able to have forever with you, if you’ll have me.” You took a moment to absorb his words. 

“You have to make me a promise okay?” His eyes gleamed at you, like you were holding up the moon just for him. 

“Anything, you name it.”

“Promise me forever. There is no past anymore, there is only us and the future we make together. I want us to help each other be better. Okay?”

“Okay. How about we start forever now?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

I lean against the window in order to steady myself, force myself to look away from Asher and focus on Kiyoshi, and try with everything I have to keep my expression calm as my heart pounds in my chest.

It’s a quick meeting, ten minutes at most, but it feels like it drags on for hours before he finally dismisses us.

I curse myself for always standing in the back as I wait for everyone else to walk slowly out the doors. Though, it ends up being for the best because no one notices when I break off from the group and race toward the bathroom.

I burst through the door, lock it behind me, and run to the sink. I turn on the cold water and splash it onto my face, shocking my system, then grab a towel and cover my eyes.

I breathe into the darkness and focus on the monotonous hum of the fan above me. Slowly, I feel my heart rate return to normal, my muscles relax, and the world around me becomes solid again.

I splash my face once more, and as I’m patting it dry, a small laugh escapes me. The whole thing is absurd, isn’t it? It was just a dream. I’ve known Lex for almost three years, and Asher is her best friend. How do I know this? Because certainly she’s talked about him before, and I’ve probably seen photos too.

So, I dreamt about him, so what? Sure, it’s weird and random, but aren’t most dreams weird and random?

I shake my head, feeling a bit ridiculous as I leave the bathroom.

Before I sit at my desk, I pick up my mug and decide to try again to fill it.  

As I turn the corner to the kitchenette for the second time that morning, I see him, standing there at the coffee machine with his back to me. I hesitate, tempted to give up and walk away, but my feet step forward, almost of their own accord, and before I know it, I’ve reached the counter.

“Hi,” Asher says with a smile as I approach him. He has such an easy way about him. I watch as he fills his mug and reaches for the sugar packets, sliding to one side to make room for me. He glances up at me and I’m struck with the realization that I didn’t respond to him, and if I don’t say something soon, I’m bound to make things weird.

“Asher, right?” I say, finally.

“That’s right.”

“I thought Evan was supposed to be giving you a tour or something.”

“They abandoned me already; can you believe it?”

“What?” I ask, confused. I can’t imagine Evan doing something like that.

My expression must amuse him because he lets out a laugh. “I’m kidding. They stopped to talk to someone, so I took the opportunity to grab a coffee before they show me around.”

“Oh. You’re funny.” I regret it as soon as I say it, my stomach twisting. It probably came out sarcastic even though I didn’t mean it to. He doesn’t seem to mind though.

“Sometimes,” he says with a smirk. “What’s your name?”

“Atlas.”

“Atlas,” he repeats my name and I like the way he says it. The way he pronounces each letter clearly. I want to hear him say it again.

As if he can hear my thoughts, he says, “Atlas. Yeah, Lex has told me about you.”

“Really? Good or bad?”

“Oh terrible, awful things. She says I should stay away from you.”

I crack a smile, “You’re trying to be funny again, aren’t you?”

“Is it working?”

“Keep at it. You’ll get there.”

“I appreciate the encouragement,” he says with a laugh. And for a brief moment I forget the intense panic I felt only minutes before.

He takes a sip from his mug and grimaces, “Well, Atlas, this coffee is terrible.”

I can’t help but laugh. I don’t mind it, but it’s too bitter for most. Lex used to make me walk with her to a bakery down the street every morning so she could get a giant cup of milk and sugar with a shot or two of espresso mixed in. I will never understand the appeal of that, but they do have good coffee there.

Without thinking I say, “Yeah, it takes some getting used to. But there’s a bakery nearby that has great coffee if you’re interested.” As it comes out of my mouth, I realize it sounds like an invitation, and I’m suddenly aware of how close we are to each other. I don’t know when the space between us shrank, but I find myself fighting the urge to reach out and touch him.

When I look up and meet his eyes, he gives me a smile, “I have to get back to Evan, but I’d love to check it out tomorrow with you.”

The way he adds “with you” at the end causes my cheeks to burn, and before I can talk myself out of it, I say, “Sure.”

Prev // Next

[spencewalterreid]

the one with the pharmaceutical company; case fic

I might be foraying into the world of fanfiction again?? I've never written a Reid fic before, so please leave any ideas, criticism, or comments if you'd be so inclined:) let me know if y'all want a part twooo! I already have the whole thing written so it would be no biggie

Reid x bureau!reader. no use of y/n. just chatting, not really fluff and not really angst? mostly exposition. stressed reid. i'm so so bad at content tags please be patient with me

part 1, part 2

Reid sits in his seat in the office, supporting his chin with his open hand and resting his elbow on the table, scribbling frantically across a piece of copy paper. Presumably, he’s drawn the short stick and got dumped with leftover paperwork, poor sap.

The coffee on his table is already cold, and when I look at him closer, he looks exhausted. His mouth is in a downward curve against the pressure of his palm, and his hair is a mess.

"Hey," I say softly, approaching with caution so as not to startle him. I lean against his desk, folding my arms against my chest. "You good? You seem frazzled.”

Spencer’s gaze snaps up to meet mine, visibly jumping as he's pulled from his contemplative state. He blinks rapidly and shifts to sit up straight. He clears his throat, digs the heels of his hands into his eyes, then shuffles the papers in front of him to try to get them aligned.

"Oh, hey," he replies, voice hoarse from the hours of silence. Reid slumps back in his chair effectively causing it to scoot backward, the metal legs screeching against the floor.

"I'm... I'm alright," he assures albeit to no protest, although the dark circles under his eyes and the slight tremor in his fingers as he sets down his pen suggest otherwise. "Just... just working on these case files. There's so much data to sift through, so many... inconsistencies to resolve.”

He runs a hand through his disheveled hair, leaving it sticking up at odd angles. "Sometimes it feels like the answers are right there, hidden in plain sight, but my brain just can't... can't connect the dots. It's frustrating, you know? Like trying to read a book written in a language I once knew but have since forgotten."

I chuckle. “How on Earth would you know what that feels like?” I tease with a soft smile. “Don’t you remember everything?”

Reid rolls his eyes. “I can speak fluently in six different languages, conversationally in twelve, and minimally in seventeen. I do not by any means know all the languages in the world, and I can forget things just like anyone else can,” he huffs indignantly, spite in his voice. I raise an eyebrow at his attitude and he reiterates: “I’m so sick of everyone thinking I’m supposed to know everything. I don’t, and it isn’t fair that I’m always supposed to have all the answers. I just-” He cuts himself off, rubbing his eyes again with a sigh.

Reid's eyes dart to the stack of papers, then back to me, a hint of vulnerability in their depths. "Sorry. Anyway, that's just... that's just me. I'm fine, really. I'll figure it out. Sorry.”

“Reid-” I drop my arms and move toward him just a bit, but he interrupts before I can address it.

His lips quirk into a half-smile, trying to set me at ease even as his own mind races with unspoken thoughts. "How about you? How are you holding up? You've been through quite an ordeal yourself lately.”

I sigh, but I don’t push it, instead opting for an apathetic shrug."I mean, it sucks. I'm new to this, you know? Not jaded yet, I guess." I shift my weight to my opposite foot and cross my arms. "That case was fucking brutal. And I mean, maybe it's because I'm new, young, you know, but regardless of how awful that guy was... seeing someone die in front of you is something you don't come back from."

I search him carefully, his dark eyes and wrinkled brow. I seem so whiny, I bet.

Reid listens intently to my words, his expression softening with each passing second. He uncrosses his legs and leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. His eyes, usually so intense and piercing, now hold a gentle warmth, a flicker of understanding.

"Listen to me," he says softly, voice low and earnest. "What you're feeling, it's completely normal. Losing innocence, seeing the darker side of humanity, it's a rite of passage for all of us in this line of work. The fact that you can still be affected, still feel deeply, it's a strength, not a weakness."

Reid's gaze drifts to my crossed arms and he reaches out, hesitantly, as if seeking permission. Gently, he places a hand over mine, his long fingers wrapping around my wrist. His skin is warm, almost feverish, but his touch is surprisingly gentle.

"Seeing someone die like that... it's not something you ever truly come back from. It changes you, shapes you, in ways you can't even begin to comprehend."

Spencer’s thumb brushes over my pulse point, a soothing gesture almost unconscious in its tenderness. "But you survived it. You kept going, kept fighting. That's not just a strength, it's a testament to your character. Don't diminish that by thinking you're not jaded enough, not experienced enough. You're exactly where you need to be."

His eyes hold mine, a profound intention etched in his expression. What that intention might be, I’m not totally sure. It's a look of solidarity, of shared grief and trauma, but also a look of hope, of resilience.

He continues, though with a bit of trepidation. "-And I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to, with my... idiosyncrasies,” he chuckles dryly, “but I'm here. I'm here if you need to talk, if you need to vent, if you need someone to make sense of the senseless with you. Okay?"

It's not a question, but a promise. A vow of support, of camaraderie, forged in the fires of shared trauma and tempered by an unconquerable spirit.

I swallow thickly. I want to respond, want to say something polished and eloquent to try to sound like I have a shadow of a clue what I'm talking about, but I don't. I twist uncomfortably and his hand falls from my arm. 

"You said you're frustrated with the files you're going over." I clear my throat, then push myself off the desk to roll a chair over. I sit down, crossing an ankle over my knee and leaning forward, my elbows on his desk. "Do you wanna bounce some ideas off me?" Before he answers, I continue, "Tell me what it's about. Give me background. Maybe a fresh mind could help.”

Reid's face lights up with a rare, genuine smile at your offer. It's a smile that reaches his eyes, crinkling the corners and transforming his often stern demeanor into something almost boyish and approachable.

"Thank you. I... I would appreciate that very much," he says, a note of gratitude coloring his voice. "It's a complex case, one that's been giving me trouble since the beginning. It's about a series of deaths, all seemingly unconnected, but with one common thread - a pharmaceutical company called Neurotech."

Reid leans back in his chair, his fingers tapping a staccato rhythm against the armrest as he gathers his thoughts. "They've had a run of bad luck lately, with a string of clinical trials gone wrong. But the strange thing is, the drugs they're testing are all based on the same compound, a new neurotransmitter regulator. It's a promising field, but one that's fraught with risks."

He reaches for a folder on his desk, pulling out a pile of papers and spreading them out in front of me. "These are the autopsy reports, the toxicology screens, the trial data. Look at these brain scans. The damage is... it's like nothing I've seen before. It's as if the drug is eating away at the grey matter, causing a rapid degradation of the neurons."

Reid's eyes are ablaze with intensity as he speaks, his passion for the science, for the mystery, shining through. "But here's where it gets interesting. The subjects in the trials, they're all over the place. Different ages, different genders, different medical histories. And yet, the symptoms are the same. Severe cognitive impairment, loss of motor function, and in the worst cases... death."

He taps a finger on a particularly grim-looking scan. "This one, for instance. The subject was a 28-year-old woman, no pre-existing conditions. She died within 48 hours of the final dose. And look at this damage. It's... it's grotesque."

Reid's eyes meet yours, a haunted look in their blue depths. "I think Neurotech knows more than they're letting on. I think there's a connection between these deaths, and I think it goes right to the top of the company– but I can't prove it.”

"Okay." I take a careful breath, glancing over them. Have you spoken with Garcia about it? I have a couple things I immediately want to know more about. Assuming you're right about it being a company thing and not a singular unsub, first and foremost, I would wanna know the background of the people running these tests."

I flip through the papers, glancing at names, dates, medical details. "But what if you're wrong? You seem so sure it goes deeper — how do you know it isn't just someone at the top calling the shots, or silencing questions?"

I eye him carefully. "Here's my thought. Considering the nature of the procedures, it seems like someone is trying to play God. We've seen that before with the guy trying to implant new limbs on people. Maybe he or a loved one has a brain disease and he's toying with fixes.”

Spencer vaguely spins back and forth in his chair, steepling his fingers under his chin as he considers your words. His eyes narrow slightly, a sign that his mind is working overtime, weighing the possibilities.

"You raise a valid point," he says thoughtfully. "I hadn’t considered that angle, but it fits with the level of sophistication and resources behind these trials."

He reaches for another folder, pulling out a few sheets of paper with names and photographs printed on them. "These are the key players at Neurotech. The CEO, Victor Cassell, is a renowned neuroscientist with a reputation for being brilliant but mercurial. He took over the company after the old owner retired.” Reid points to a photograph of a severe-looking man with a salt-and-pepper beard and piercing eyes. "And this is the lead researcher on the trials, Dr. Lila Patel. She's a rising star in the field, but her methods are... unorthodox. She's been known to push ethical boundaries in the name of progress."

He taps a finger on the desk, a sign of his contemplation. "As for Garcia, I haven't spoken to her about my theories, but I plan to.” 

Spencer’s gaze turns introspective, a hint of self-doubt flickering across his face. "You know, sometimes I wonder if my need to find patterns is blinding me to the simpler explanation. But then I look at these files, at these lives lost, and I can't shake the feeling that there's more to this than meets the eye."

He leans forward, his voice lowering to a conspiratorial whisper. "What if it's both? What if there's someone at the top calling the shots, and a rogue individual pushing the boundaries of ethics and science? It would explain the resources, the secrecy, the desperation. And it would make this a far more dangerous and tangled web than I initially thought."

"That's what I'm thinking, too," I concede. "Someone fear-mongering people into supporting his cause – maybe even genuinely convincing others that what he's doing is righteous." 

I flip through the papers, looking at the descriptions of the people who underwent the procedures. "Okay, you said victimology was all over the place -- what if it isn't?" I point at the occupation section. "Teacher. Mechanic. Waitress. On and on it goes. All low-paying jobs. Hang on."

 I drop the files and pull out my phone, looking up obituaries for those that have died. "Right. LeeAnn Thompson is survived by two daughters, Darla and Grace, and sister Dalia." I send him a link, then look for the others. "Bingo. Pattern. Not only were they in low-paying jobs, but they were all on welfare. There's your pattern." I plop my phone down on the desk. "Desperate for money. Now we know why they were doing the experiments in the first place.”

A flicker of excitement and anticipation passes over Reid’s face, shining through the weariness. He leans in to look at my phone, his gaze scanning the obituary notices, his mind putting the pieces together at a staggering pace.

"This is... this could be the break we need," he murmurs, a hint of awe coloring his voice. "The financial strain, the desperation, it would explain why these individuals would be willing to take such risks, to subject themselves to unproven treatments. It's a vile form of exploitation, preying on the vulnerable and the desperate."

He looks up at you, a newfound respect and gratitude in his eyes. "You've hit on something significant here. This could be the key to unraveling the whole operation, from the top of the company down to the individuals being recruited for these trials."

Spencer stands up abruptly, a new sense of urgency in his demeanor. He starts to pace the small office, his mind racing with the implications. "We need to get Garcia in on this, need to cross-reference the records with welfare databases, with financial records. If we can prove a pattern, a deliberate targeting of these individuals, we can start to build a case."

He turns to me, a fierce determination in his eyes. "And then there's the question of the researchers themselves. Lila Patel, the lead scientist behind these trials, she must have known the risks. The financial stakes, the vulnerability of the test subjects, it's all so clear now!"

He stops pacing and faces me directly, his expression a mix of awe and gratitude. "I... I underestimated you. This insight, it's... it's brilliant,” He explains with a grin for the ages. “It's going to change everything. Thank you for your perspective, for your keen eye. We're going to solve this, and bring those responsible to justice. Together.”

I smile warmly. "It isn't too awful late, you know. I bet Penelope isn't asleep yet." I glance at my watch. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind putting something together. We have a case, Reid. We can present it tomorrow.”

Reid looks at his watch, then back at me. The joy in his face just at the prospect makes me lightheaded. He’s never more beautiful than when he’s excited about something.

"You're right. You're absolutely right," he agrees.

Reid grabs his coat, already moving towards the door with renewed vigor. "Let's head to the office and see what we can find. I want to have everything ready to present to the team first thing tomorrow. If we move quickly, we can catch them off guard, before they have a chance to cover their tracks."

He pauses at the door, looking back at me, that damned smile still on his lips. "And hey.” He waits for emphasis, then continues, “Thank you. Thank you for your insight, your fresh perspective. You've got a keen mind, and I'm grateful to have you on this team, on this case. Let's go solve this, together."

With that, Reid strides out of the office, his long legs eating up the distance to the elevator. He's a man on a mission, and it’s a damn sight. Downright inspiring.

----------------------------------------------

side note. would y'all be cool if I gave the main character a name? I'm embracing bi!reid so i'm thinking twink. i know y/n is popular but i simply cannot bring myself to do it. for upcoming chapters i need to be able to have something with which to introduce mc to NPCs.

[slayfics]

Obanai reacts to finding out you self harm.

Warnings: Self harm | dark themes

Song: And I Love Her by Kurt Cobain

You were surprised by the knock on the door and the immediate entrance of Obanai stomping inside.

“So this is where you’ve been!” He exclaimed. “What happened, did you forget about dinner today?”

Your mind has been a clouded mess recently. You felt like you shrunk even further into yourself realizing you disappointed the one person you cared about most.

“Iguro I’m so sorry- I totally forgot-“ you stammered.

Obanai instantly realized something was wrong. Your demeanor, slumped shoulders, misty eyes. Not to mention you had the best memory of anyone he knew.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I just have a lot on my mind I guess-“ you said moving your hand to touch your forehead. That’s when Obanai noticed something that conceded him even more.

“How did you get that?? Was it a demon?! WHERE IS IT?!” He said furious at the sight of your injury.

“No- Iguro it’s fine, I’m fine.” You said trying to change the subject.

“Tell me right now! Is it dead?? If not, it’s about to be!” He continued to rage.

“It wasn’t a demon, calm down-“ you tried again, but Obanai was relentless.

“WAS IT A CORPS MEMBER?? WHO!? TELL ME WHO!” His anger only intensified.

“Iguro no-“

“I DON’T EVEN CARE IF IT WAS AN ACCIDENT WHO DID IT-“

“I DID!” You finally yelled back at the Hashira. Tears escaped you immediately following your confession. Obanai took a step back suddenly confused with what to do with all his anger. “I did it! So, if you’re going to be mad at someone, be mad at me!” You yelled out in between sobs.

Stunned, Obanai wrapped his arms around you and brought you into an embrace. You collapsed into his embrace bringing you both down to the floor. Obanai pulled you into his lap where you continued to sob in the crook of his neck.

“What’s going on?” He asked, rubbing your back gently. You protested and shook your head. The weight felt like too much to speak into existence. “You can talk to me,” he encouraged.

“I- I- I keep making mistakes-“ you sobbed.

“Yeah... that’s ok… that’s part of being human.” He attempted to comfort you.

“No- everywhere I go I keep messing up. I make things harder for everyone. It’s better if I just stay to myself.”

“I don’t think anyone would agree with that-“ Obanai said feeling his own tears come at hearing your pain. He traced your injury lightly with his thumb. “How does this comfort you?” He asked, trying to understand.

“It’s so loud- and then I can’t breath- it’s so hard I can’t stop it. All the thoughts are so painful and then…” you sobbed rubbing your swollen eyes. “When I- when I…” you looked down at your injury. “When I do this- the thoughts stop and I’m only focused on the physical pain. I can finally catch my breath.”

Obanai sat in silence with you for a while processing your statement. Slowly he brought your arm closer to him, kissing your injury through his bandages. The Hashira’s affection caused your tears to subside.

“I see… sometimes your thoughts are very painful and this helps to bring you back to your senses.” He stated.

You looked up at the Hashira seeing no judgment in his eyes, only concern and affection. “Yeah… that’s exactly it, Iguro.” You mumbled. You never expected someone to understand so thoroughly.

“Could you… could you try something else for me next time?” He asked gently.

“What do you mean?”

“We’ll if it’s a shock to bring you back to reality you need… could you try a splash of freezing water instead.” He suggested. You rested your head back in the crook of his neck and nodded slightly. “You can always send me a crow, I’ll come as quickly as I can. We can talk these thoughts out. However I can help, you know you can always come to me.” He continued.

“I can’t lean on you forever, Iguro.” You mumbled into his neck.

“Yes you can,” he argued. “Do you know how many countless times you have helped me?”

“That’s ridiculous you’re one of the strongest Hashira’s there’s isn’t anything you need my help with.” You responded dryly.

“You’re wrong,” Obanai said, gently moving to take the bandages off his face. “You helped me not be ashamed of my own appearance.”

“You didn’t need me for that, you’re beautiful Iguro.” You said tracing the scars on his face.

“See you’re doing it now,” he said, eyes becoming misty. “I never thought that before- but because of you- I don’t hate myself as strongly as I used to.” He explained.

“There was never any reason to hate yourself Iguro-“

“Yes and I feel that way for you, you see we help each other.”

You felt your eyes begin to tear up again at realizing the point Obanai was making. “I see Iguro.”

“Good, so please whenever you need me I will be here.” He said and placed his hand on the back of your head bringing you up into a gentle kiss. “Promise?” He asked when parting his lips from yours

“Yes, I promise.”

Just a disclaimer: I am ok and healthy. I just had this angst on my mind for awhile now.

Here are some resources below for anyone that might be struggling.

International Crisis Hotlines

[curiositymemes]

ENCHANTED APRIL SENTENCE STARTERS.

taken from the 1991 film, an adaptation of the 1922 novel by elizabeth von arnim. feel free to change wording and pronouns and provide context as necessary. do not add to this list.

“it seems so wonderful and it's such a miserable day.”

“it’s not worth wasting one’s time thinking about.” 

“i don’t suppose that means much to you. sometimes it doesn’t mean much to me, either.”

“you look as though you wanted it as much as i do.” 

“you look so beautiful and so sad.” 

“if you wish for something hard enough, it happens.”  

“but no one will know I’m there even if i am.”

“have you ever seen things in a kind of flash before they happen?” 

“i’m sure it must be wrong to be good for so long you become miserable.”

“i can see you’ve been good for years, and you aren’t happy.”

“i’ve been doing things for other people since i was a little girl, and i don’t believe i’m loved any better.” 

“you must believe I’ve never spoken to anyone like this in my life.”

“i don’t know what’s come over me.” 

“you should have been there, my dear. i missed you.”

“that’s rather a depressing thought.” 

“god must know an awful lot. why doesn’t he do something?” 

“there’s something immoral about all this.”

“all i wish to do is sit in the shade and remember better times and better men.”

“i hope you’re not in the habit of seeing dead people, however distinguished. it’s not in the best of taste.”

“i mean, we’re not businessmen, are we? they have to distrust each other.” 

“i want to just sit and not talk and not think.”

“well, it’s very wearing. everyone makes demands… especially men.” 

“you look lovely.” / “i know. thank you, name.” 

“we could both do with a change.”

“it really is the most extraordinary coincidence.”

“I’m afraid it’s all settled, name. i can’t go back on my word.” 

“do you suppose it’s all real?”

“were you ever in your whole life so happy?”

“i promised myself the first thing to happen in this place would be a kiss.”

“we were going to choose the nicest room for you.”

“we were going to make it pretty for you with lots of flowers.”

“you shouldn’t be so independent that people have no chance to be generous.”

“you know, i hadn’t realized you were so pretty.”

“you’re really quite lovely.” 

“i was just thinking about cuckoos for some reason.” 

“i suppose you realize we’ve got to heaven.”

“i intend to spend most of my time reading by myself.”

“you have the most interesting habit of answering a question with the same question.”

“if i can be left quiet for one month, forget things… i might be able to get myself straight.”

“i’ve wasted so much time being beautiful.”

“what she really wants is to be left alone.” 

“soon she won’t have to try… she’ll just be herself without trying.” 

“don’t worry about me. I’m just lying here thinking.” 

“then i have had all the trouble of coming out here for nothing.”

“we’ve just discovered it.” 

“why don’t you like us being here?”

“we just didn’t know about it, that’s all.”

“i’ve written and told him everything.”

“it would be mean not to share all this.”

“the important thing is to have lots of love about.”

“i had this obsession with justice, you see.”

“i’d like to stay here and think.” 

“that’s very imprudent and very improper.”

“have you noticed how difficult it is to be improper with no men about?” 

“it’s a good feeling, getting rid of things.”

“i want to love name, but not necessarily spend every night with him.”

“i haven’t felt this restless since i was a child.”

“it’s too absurd for someone my age.”

“i feel something is going to happen. but i won’t let it.” 

“it’s odd how one’s mind slips sideways in a place like this.”

“if you knew me, you’d know how strange it was.” 

“there’s no way back.”

“isn’t it beautiful here, name? the air is golden.”

“you’re here. that’s the important thing.”

“you’ve every right to be angry with me.”

“where else would you meet such interesting people?”

“i don’t want name worried in any way.”

“i like him. I didn’t think i would, but i do.” 

“all the advantages i was born with, and i’ve misused them.” 

“i have it all. why can’t i hold onto it?”

“you have a gift for happiness.”

“well, it’s like coming home.”

“i mean, well… i don’t know what i mean.”

“i’d believe any place you lived in would be exactly like you.” 

“isn’t it better to feel young somewhere than old everywhere?”

“oh, good gracious, child.”

“so you see, dear boy, you must stay here.” 

“it’s such a pretty story.”

“i thought you might be bored.”

“sweetheart… i’m so glad you came.”

“you’re right, name. it’s this place.”

“and i’m late on your very first evening. do forgive me.” 

“it’s a great thing to get on with one’s loving and not waste time.”

“she sees what we can’t see because she loves him.”

“oh, dear name, we must be friends forever and forever.”

“i couldn’t help noticing how miserable you seemed.”

“oh, what the devil. it’s too beautiful a night to be miserable.” 

“all my dead friends don’t seem worth reading tonight. they always say the same things, good things, but always the same.” 

“i’m tired of the dead. i want the living.” 

“thank you, my dear. i was feeling a little melancholy.” 

“it does seem that people can only be happy in pairs, all sorts of pairs.” / “then you and i will be a pair, name. we’re going to be very good friends.” 

“the roses are in love in the rose garden.”

“but that’s another story.”

[theeironprice]

Ramsay eating habits headcannon’s // thoughts 💭🗡️

This one might not make it out of the drafts lads 🫣😞 but if it does I’m only tagging it as ‘my drabbles’ to hide my shame😭 (fuck it we ball)

Please I am a little freak and I love that Ramsay eats a lot canonically so these are my thoughts but please don’t read this if this kinda content makes you uncomfy!! That is the last thing I wanna do.. but I have many thoughts.

CW: feeding kink, overeating, mention of weight gain

ASoIaF verse:

Alright, well these are less headcannons and more just things I like / some things that happen that made me go aooga.

-Ramsay giving Reek his scraps!! This is so important to me and I could write an infinite loop about this happening.. and occasionally Ramsay (often) forgets l and sometimes he’d be like whoopsies :3 I forgot (and immediately scold Reek for not ‘reminding him.’) while other times he’d tell his pet he’s too spoiled so he’s intentionally depriving him.

-I think in both a modern/In verse situation that Ramsay would refuse to have leftovers 🤷

-Him being whiny about Roose not throwing him a feast lives in my mind rent free 24/7 8 days a week. Bratty Ramsay is always a great flavor and I feel like he gets extra bitchy about food

-If he gets hungry at any point in the night he will make Reek go wake a cook up (Reek’s hands are too mangled to actually cook anything properly but he does try to prepare his masters food and drink when he can)

-When Ramsay feels like Reek doesn’t attend to him well enough during meal times he’ll accuse Reek of ‘trying to starve him’

-This applies to both verses’ but when Ramsay overeats and gets a stomach ache he will make it everyone else’s problem with how much he whines about it

-Him not being cognizant of trying to conserve food stores during winter is so 🥰🥰 especially when he goes to other castles and hold fasts and just has no concern about their resources; he’s just kind of a greedy fuck and it makes my brain go brrr

-When he outgrows his clothes he blames Reek for it and beats him

Modern AU:

-Ramsay just eating handfuls of shredded cheddar cheese in the front of the fridge is something I think about probably a weird amount; I mean him just always grabbing something small to eat every time he walks into the kitchen just plays in my noggin on a loop

-He would drink a smoothie from McDonald’s and be like ‘it’s healthy :3’ I think bro has no concept of what is and isn’t healthy and he probably doesn’t care either way

-Can’t stand not having something sweet after he has something salty and gets caught in a loop of savory/sweet

-This applies to both verses’ but he’s awful about drinking water; lots of beer/wine/ale and soda

-Whenever he gets takeout he starts eating it on the drive home

-If anyone eats his food he gets super bitchy about it but he never see’s it as an issue if he does it

-Really likes breakfast food: he likes meat and eggs a lot and it’s the easiest meal to just eat a lot of those particular things during.

-Way too lazy and impatient to cook. He makes Theon learn 🙂‍↕️ (who is also not very good at it but he can manage well enough; some things turn out better than others—but Ramsay will 9/10 just eat what he makes unless it’s really awful. Then he makes Theon get him takeout)

-Eats like way too much fast food and leaves his trash around

-I don’t think Ramsay’s a picky eater; I think he’ll pretty much try anything, but he has a tendency to eat junk a lot

-omg probably loves slushie’s

Alright well! I’m gonna go crawl under a rock now🫡 my depraved ass could write so many 😞

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Deadly Proposal: Part Three

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: angst, mentions of drug use, drug angst

Summary: Dean agreed to get your sister from jail but her presence makes it tense for everyone, especially you. She is a ticking time bomb that's waiting to go off.

Deadly Proposal Masterlist

Square Filled: free space (2021) for @spnquotebingo

Quote is: "Sometimes it's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose." from Grey’s Anatomy

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Then

You’re sitting in the front of Amber’s 2004 Ford Escort wearing your softball uniform. The only reason why Amber is driving you is because Mom forced her. She was going to book club with her friend and didn’t have time to drive you. You’re shocked Amber didn’t ask for anything in return but when she pulls into a motel parking lot, you understand why she agreed to drive you.

“You’re supposed to be driving me to softball practice,” you sigh.

“Don’t worry about it.” There are two men standing by one of the rooms, one of them smoking something. “Stay in the car.”

She gets out of the car and approaches the two men. Disappointment floods your chest but you don’t say anything. The man who is smoking smirks when he sees you but you sink down into your seat to avoid his gaze. Amber takes the money dedicated to dinner and hands it to the man who isn’t smoking. In return, the man hands her something white in a small plastic baggie. Of course. Why else would she offer to drive you other than to get drugs?

As soon as the drugs are in her hands, she heads back to the car. The men don’t stop staring at you until she is too far away to notice.

“You used the money for dinner,” you say.

“Keep your mouth shut,” she snaps.

“I’m late to practice.”

She doesn’t say anything else and continues driving.

Now

You shouldn’t be here. You should just go to bed and forget doing this. You look down the hall toward your room but your legs don’t move. You’re standing outside Dean’s office debating on whether or not you should knock. No, you shouldn’t. You’re just going to bother him with your problems that he didn't sign up for.

You’re about to leave when the door opens. Dean stands there tall with an annoyed look on his face. You should leave. Just say never mind and go to bed.

“I can smell you. What do you want?”

He turns and heads back to his desk. You step into his office and nervously play with your hands. You don’t know how to start without seeming like a desperate girl.

“So, the reason why I was in that hotel where we met is because I was on my way to pick up my sister in Boston. Um, she’s in jail and she was granted bail. I’m her only hope of getting out. I’d like to get her if it’s okay with you.”

“Where will she stay?”

“Well, um, I figure since you have so much room here…”

“No, she’s not staying here.”

“Please, Dean? She’ll only be a week. One week to get herself on her feet. She’s my sister.”

Dean’s instinct is to say no but then he sees the desperation in your eyes. He wants to say no but when he opens his mouth to respond, something else comes out.

“Fine. I’ll go with you tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you.”

Dean looks down at his hands and sees aged spots darkening. You’re about to leave when he calls your name.

“Come here. I need a sip from you.”

This is why you’re here. You’re here to provide blood for him and nothing else. Still, you feel a little proud that he chose you out of every single human on this planet. You’re the one he wants. You walk over to Dean and allow him to pull you onto his lap. You put your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. His green eyes darken at the thought of tasting your blood again but you mistake it for something else. Maybe he enjoys you being here more than you think. The more you allow him to feed from you, the more you feel compelled to always be around him.

What are you doing to me, Dean Winchester? Why can’t I stay away? What is it about you that makes me want more?

Dean grabs your hair gently and pulls so you’re forced to expose your neck to him. He peels back the bandage from the last time he bit you, the wounds have not fully healed yet. He’d heal you but then he’d open up a new can of worms that he knows you probably won’t want to be opened. He leans in just as his fangs slide out. You feel the cold shiver before you feel him pierce your skin. Dean doesn’t take much, maybe only a pint. Still, it feels euphoric to you. Your head feels fuzzy, your eyes stay closed, and your mouth parts open.

Dean pulls away from you and replaces the bandage across the wounds he opened. He holds you close and looks down at his hands which are free of the darkened age spots. He licks his lips so there isn’t any more blood before standing up with you in his arms. He takes you to bed and lets you rest for the rest of the night.

The next morning, you’re getting ready to go to Amber’s prison when you notice the bandage on your neck. The only thing you remember is feeling like you were on Cloud 9 after Dean drank from you. You touch the bandage and wince from the soreness of your wounds, and you think about your arrangement with Dean. When you took it a few weeks ago, you were pissed at your sister for landing herself in jail. You wanted out. You wanted a better life for yourself. Dean was offering you all this stuff and it seemed so good at the time.

It still does but there is more at stake than you realize. Him drinking from you is doing something to you. Whether you two want it or not, you’re forming a blood bond. You were scared of Dean at first, but now not so much. You let your hair cover the side of your neck to hide the fact that Dean likes to bite you in the neck. Maybe you should ask him to bite you on the wrist so you can hide it better.

After getting ready, you head down to the kitchen where Dean is. The chef has already made you a meal which is sitting on the kitchen island next to Dean.

“Eat.”

“So bossy,” you grin and do as you’re told. “Listen, there’s something you should know about Amber. I should have told you this before but she’s a drug addict. The fact that she’s in jail means she hasn’t used in a while. She’ll be coming down from one of her highs, so she’ll be cranky. Don’t let her get to you.”

“Sweetheart, I am a vampire. What can she do to me?”

“Don’t say I didn't warn you,” you shrug

Boston is only an hour and a half from Dean’s mansion so it doesn’t take long until you’re at the prison.

“Hi, I’m here for Amber Bishop.” You look at Dean. “We don’t have the same last name. Believe it or not, she was married, and when she got divorced she hung onto his last name. She was in love with him but he wasn’t in love with her.”

“That’s sad.”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

The officer hands you some forms to sign before getting her. As soon as she sees you, she bursts into tears.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” You bring her into your arms and let her cry on your shoulder. “I promise to do better. I just slipped up.”

“I know.”

Dean’s face remains stoic as you two bring her to the car. You can’t help but feel ashamed of your sister’s state. You place her in the back seat and she immediately passes out from exhaustion. Dean is silent for the next thirty minutes as soft music flows through the speakers.

“One week, Y/N. She’s gone after that.”

“Okay. One week.”

Dean arrives at home and immediately leaves you to take care of your sister alone. You let her use your body as support as you take her to one of the empty bedrooms next to yours. She is in tears the second she lays on the bed. You tug off her shoes and socks before moving up her body. You pull off her shirt and give her a sleep shirt to use for now.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry,” she cries.

“I know you are.” You smooth down her hair. “Just get some sleep, okay?”

You can’t help but think about the first time you had to care for her after she took drugs.

You snuck downstairs to get some water after waking with a dry throat. You took a water bottle from the fridge when the front door opened. Amber came stumbling in with red eyes and roughed clothing.

“Amber?” you whispered.

“Y/N, you gotta help me.”

She stumbled over to you and fell into your arms. The water bottle dropped from your hand, and you’re thankful the cap was on. Your parents were sleeping upstairs and you did not want to wake them. 

“Come on, let’s go upstairs.” You tried to be as quiet as you could as you snuck your sister upstairs to her room. She crashed onto her bed with tears streaming down her face. “Did you take drugs?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I promise not to do this again. I’m sorry.”

You leave Amber alone in her room and go down to the kitchen where food is waiting for you. You pick up your fork to eat but you’re suddenly not so hungry. You set your fork down and move the plate away from you.

“So, what’s her deal?” Dean asks when he walks into the kitchen.

“She ran with the wrong crowd in high school. Even before that. She didn’t start getting into drugs until she was a senior. I remember when I was twelve, I had softball practice that she was supposed to drive me to but she stopped to meet two men. She used the dinner money to buy drugs. Even before that, I remember her coming home after using drugs for the first time. She keeps promising never to do it again and she keeps breaking that promise.” You look down at your lap. “Sometimes, I’m scared I’ll come home and see her dead on the ground or something.”

“So?”

You look at Dean like he grew three heads.

“Sometimes it's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know how much more disappointment I can take.”

“Then why do you help her?”

“You sound like my parents,” you scoff. “She’s my sister, Dean.”

“Let me tell you something. Just because she’s blood doesn’t make her family. You should cut her loose before she brings you down.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

Dean’s eyes darken with something mysterious and dangerous.

“Story time is over. Eat.”

Dean leaves the kitchen immediately, and you grab the fork again. You’re not sure what’s going to happen with your sister but you have a feeling it’s not going to be good.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[destiny-in-the-universe]

Pride Headcanons

It’s June 1, y’all which means I can write about my silly little blorbos being under the rainbow all I want! Not that the headcanons were somehow different before hahaha but anyway!

I’m going to be using the Secret Quartet because I can- and honestly they are my biggest comfort and hyperfixation right now, so why wouldn’t I write with them?

Danny Phantom;

👻 Danny is trans. I mean look at him- but no, this just fits with his character. Honestly I could talk about this in a completely separate post but genuinely he would be FtM

👻 In canon, he seems to prefer women more than men, but Danny is somewhere in the non-het umbrella. He gives me pan vibes, like it’s genuinely the last thing he cares about and it’s more about chemistry than anything else

👻 Danny’s parents are 100% supportive if he ever chose to come out. There is no homophobia in this household, you cannot convince me otherwise

👻 Overall, Amity Park is accepting. In no universe would they ever turn someone away for being not-cishet

👻 Danny used to bind using ace bandages and completely forget he was wearing them- based on an old comic I found, I like to imagine that if Vlad were to find out, he would immediately pay for Danny to at least have a comfortable binder. You also cannot tell me he wouldn’t try to offer paying for Danny’s bottom surgery (with a price of course)

👻 None of the ghosts would ever deadname Danny. Ever. Not even Dash would-

👻 Much like Danny, Jazz is definitely non-het; she’s bisexual- gender is the least of her concerns when it canes to romance, but she also seems to be a bit more sapphic leaning. I said what I said /lh

👻 Danny would never forget someone’s preferred name. He makes it an entire point to remember them and use it correctly- let alone pronouns

American Dragon: Jake Long;

🐲 Jake is cis- i don’t see him as being anything other than cisgender unfortunately but he’s an ally and I will stand by this until I disappear from this earth-

🐲 He doesn’t really care for labels and will never use them, but Jake isn’t exactly heterosexual. Gender is the last thing on his mind when he’s dating, but he’s only really dated Rose so I think he’s ever so slightly confused at the moment on his preferences

🐲 Jake would attend Pride. 100%

🐲 If Jake ever came out to his family, they would 100% be understanding- they’re many things but assholes isn’t one of them. They would likely sit him down and make sure to know how to most make him feel comfortable but other than that, neither Jonathan nor Susan would ever make Jake unhappy

I honestly don’t have as many headcanons for American Dragon, but- this is the best I could come up with!

Miraculous Ladybug;

🐞 Marinette is more than likely cisgender- she’s still an ally; that would never change. She makes sure to protect trans folk and everyone in between

🐞 I like to think Marinette doesn’t care for labels, and just dates depending on personality and compatibility than attempting to assess it on gender

🐞 She would never forget someone’s pronouns or preferred name. Sometimes there are accidental slip-ups because, well- it’s Marinette with ADHD (I will talk neurodivergent headcanons in a separate post) but she always apologizes if she messes up!

🐞 Marinette has attended Pride events as both her civilian persona and heroine identity to help support those who need it- this is canon now

🐈‍⬛ Adrien is trans. This is not up for negotiation (/lh). There is just something about him that screams trans

🐈‍⬛ He has no idea if he likes men, women, both or anything in between. Adrien is a little bit sheltered, give him time he’ll come around

🐈‍⬛ Honestly, Adrien would be an ally first before realizing he’s trans or non-het. He would be allowed to attend Pride events because Gabriel isn’t that much of a horrible person- at least not with Pride. Gabriel is not the type, in this essay I will-

🐈‍⬛ Adrien finds being Chat Noir completely freeing- it’s almost like binding in a way,

🐈‍⬛ Adrien was given his first binder buy Nino. He eventually received a second one from Marinette, and he cherishes both dearly- but sometimes he forgets to take them off

Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja;

🧣Randy is trans-coded. I can’t explain why, but there is no way that boy is cis- (Howard likely knew before he did, I was there obviously. I was uh, Randy’s coat /lh)

🧣He’s unlabeled when it comes to sexuality and romantic orientation. Randy doesn’t know because he has only ever crushed on girls so far but he also keeps smiling like an idiot at Howard and gets ridiculously flustered. He doesn’t know what to make of it-

🧣Randy has never attended a Pride event- at least not yet. He hopes to one day

🧣Randy binds- he does use a binder as Howard actually bought one for him as a birthday present; before that he used to wear ace bandages which wasn’t ideal in the slightest but he was dealing with horrible dysphoria at the time and didn’t want to accept he was only a kid

🧣Being the Ninja somehow helps him cope with his dysphoria

🥷 Finja- is he cishet? Hahahah no, absolutely not. Cis? Maybe. Heterosexual? This man gives asexual vibes! This is canon now ~ a fellow ace

🥷 I don’t think Finja would have used labels in his youth. Especially if it wasn’t entirely the norm back then but if he were in present times- he might’ve, though I think he would just vibe

🥷 Finja honestly might be on the aromantic spectrum, but more so demiromantic or grayaromantic than not dating at all!

🥷 Oh you can bet Finja would be completely accepting of Randy being trans

(author’s cut: more will be written for Finja later! I simply have words stuck in my brain that won’t fully come out!)

📕Nomicon - or “Nomi” - is agender! They do not associate themself with a gender and use literally any pronoun- including neopronouns

📕Nomi would be completely accepting of gender and sexuality- and anything in between- they are completely supportive of Randy coming out

📕Nomi is however, asexual! I do think Nomi would be aroace but you can headcanon whatever you want- though when you’re a centuries old sentient book, well, things change

📕If Nomi was human, they would 100% be attending Pride- this is not up for debate. They would

📕Nomi is fiercely protective of Randy- in my human AU’s, it is 100% guaranteed anyone who displayed transphobia or any other form of bigotry toward him would immediately be roundhouse kicked in the face

📕Human! Nomi would give zero fucks and decide to wear dresses- but honestly, they wear outfits that reference the book version of herself. They wear whatever the hell they want, do not care in the slightest

Additional Headcanons;

Howard doesn’t openly seem to care about Pride because he’s a stubborn little shit, but everyone knows better than to mess with Randy- because those who do are met with a fiercely protective, homosexual totally-cis Howard Weinerman

Whatever the fuck McFist and Viceroy have going on isn’t straight-

McFist would host Pride themed events specifically during June and seemingly forget about it for the rest of the year- does he do this to be homophobic? Nope! He just genuinely doesn’t flaunt being not straight that he also isn’t aware of

Viceroy is bi. This is not up for negotiation

Mort is straight but completely supports his children in whatever they want to do with their life

Sam Manson is completely unlabeled. She doesn’t care

Tucker? You can’t tell me that boy is cis

Alya makes blogs in support of Pride and does make them year-round because she is an ally and I will stand by this until the day I cease to exist (which is never)

Gabriel does do Pride events but much like McFist, he doesn’t them 24/7 or year-round- the only difference is I’m pretty sure Gabriel’s cishet

I can’t think of anything else tbh! Enjoy the mess that is these headcanons-

[miserymet]

Bit hesitant about posting this because it’s really old, but I feel it’s worth the minor embarrassment to:

1. Have actually writing on my blog because yes I do that sometimes

and,

2. Showcase how the Reploid AU is essentially about two different versions of Bass, largely dictated by circumstance

So if you are interested in how Bass recovers his memory in my Reploid Bass AU, I hope you enjoy this drabble I wrote over a year ago.

-

It’s a bit like death, he thinks.

Forte’s mind has always been a mess, it’s something he’s come to terms with. An outdated master system combined with far too advanced processors? It was a recipe for disaster. So when he’s awoken from his respite and suddenly faced with his own datascape, he’s less surprised than he should be. He knows this place. It’s where he goes when everyone else is dreaming. The center of his mind, where his every thought, his every feeling, is easily accessible.

But why is he here, and not awake? The procedure required that he was completely shut off. His every system in stasis. If it’s over, why isn’t he in the real world? Why isn’t he operating already? Forte looks around the empty space. Code fills his senses, white noise buzzing around him. An unrelenting dread fills his metal bones. Either the procedure failed, or…

Or he’s dead.

The old Forte.

There’s nothing to recover, is there? He’s going to be like this forever, stuck in this horrible limbo of past and present. Trapped in his ignorance, trapped in his mind-!

“No.”

Forte stops. His fears flees him, leaving him empty. That voice is…

“Mine. It’s mine.”

A low whistle punctuates his words, but he doesn’t make a sound.

“Sure is, Forte.” A chuckle. “Glad you like the name. I didn’t.”

Forte turns to find a lone figure at the edge of his consciousness. A figure he recognizes, though they’ve never looked so pristine. His old body looks at him, sans all the damage it once bore so nobly. Now it is a shiny black, with only a few thin scratches across its surface. The face it wears is rounder, the eyes softer. It’s him. His former self.

He should feel glad, right? This is what he wanted?

It still feels like death, somehow. 

“What is your name?”

“Our name was Bass.” A distinct correction. “And it was well known.”

“It worked, then? We remember?”

“I remember. You don’t. That’s because you’re not ready to accept me.”

“I am! I’ve wanted this for-!”

“You don’t know what THIS is!” Bass glares at him. “Even if you did, I’m not ready to accept you either. So give me the chance to explain before you make up your mind.”

Forte nods, though he doubts his former self needed the permission.

“I’ll rip the bandaid off quickly. We can’t both exist, Forte. Not at once.” He crosses his arms. “You want your old memories? You have to accept all of them. Not just the data, the routines too. It’ll be a complete recovery. A rewrite, to put it all back to the way it was.”

“Ego death.”

“For you, if you choose it.”

“If I don’t?”

“Then I die, and you forget. Permanently this time.”

“…my brother is dead. I’m a second rate hunter with a third rate system. I do not belong here anymore.”

“And I do? I haven’t had the privilege of rooting through your memories, but the log says we’re a hundred years in the future. I doubt we’d recognize the place.” Bass scoffs. “I don’t know anything about your world. I’m going to be even more displaced than you are.”

“Will you keep my data? Even if you cannot understand it?”

“…the memory. I’ll remember what and why, but my routines might not understand the decisions you made. You’ll wake up a stranger.”

“Why are we so different? Aren’t we the same robot?”

“We lost some things in the update. Certain protocol was rendered useless. Like you stopped recognizing your commands.” Bass pauses, a look of uncertainty crossing his face. “No, like you stopped recognizing who the commands referred to. They gave names, names you don’t recognize. His name is lost to you. So…”

“His?”

“Our purpose. The very reason we exist. You forgot him like it was nothing.”

“Z-,” he stops. He knows that name, so his purpose is something other than that. “Who?”

“Doesn’t matter. You’ll die easier if you let go of that.” Bass looks away. “Im scared, you know. Of the future. I remember how we died. The moments before. We expected to walk away that day. We expected to live. To move on. Go home. He took that from us.”

“He?”

“The man that lingers in your mind. I know him. I hate him. He loves you.”

“Loves me?”

“What are you, an echo?” Bass scoffs with more vigor this time. “We were proud, once. We stood tall and fought tooth and nail against all that challenged us. We were the strongest. You aren’t. You’re a coward. You’re weak.”

“I’m afraid too.” Forte closes his eyes. “I don’t want to disappear.”

“Then go. Go back.” Bass whispers. “I would’ve, if I knew. I was just about to…I was going to be something different. I was going to make a choice. A GOOD one, this time. I was going to…”

Forte blinks at his old self. “What? What were you going to do?”

“Have a family. A real one this time, one that would’ve cared about me. One that would give me a chance. But…”

“We died.”

“Yeah. Didn’t realize how bad I wanted it until it slipped from my hands. Until I was laying there, ripped to shreds, praying for someone to save me.”

“No one did, did they?”

“I wonder if they looked for me. I wonder if they thought I had run off. Like a coward.”

“There’s someone waiting for us. For you, out there. Go to him.” Forte takes a step forward. “He needs a friend and…I cannot do that for him. Not anymore.”

“Coward.”

“Yes.” He takes a deep, synthetic breath. “I’m ready, I think.”

“I’m not. But I’ll do it. I’m curious, anyway.”

[deathbystero]

'cause we're just kids who grew up way too fast

in which Ponyboy struggles to come to terms with everything. a/n - here's the full chapter y'all. lemme know if it's worth carrying on with and if you have any ideas on what I can do to extend the plot, feel free to request or give me some ideas

It’s only been a few weeks since that night—coming on three, to be exact. I don’t think things will ever go back to how they were; how could they? With Johnny and Dallas gone, everything feels off-kilter in some way. Like a loose thread just waiting to be pulled, ready to fall away and leave nothing but a gaping hole in its place. 

Home doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not really—not in the same way it was before. Things are a lot quieter. A lot emptier. I don’t think Darry minds all that much; an empty house is a peaceful house, even under all the unsettling tension. 

The gang feels a lot closer now, too. I suppose that’s one good thing about all of this, but nobody is quite themselves anymore. There isn’t as much energy in the air; there aren’t many laughs around anymore, and nobody smiles as often as they used to. It's like everyone is carrying around a weighty cloud on their shoulders, or maybe they’re just trying to keep their minds busy with something else. But we never talk about those days anymore; no one does. The topic makes us uncomfortable, like a wound that can never be healed. 

Maybe it’s just me who can’t get used to living without them. 

The nightmares still come every once in a while, more now than they used to. Sometimes they’re pretty bad—Johnny and Dallas making frequent appearances, their faces blurred, their voices distorted. Sometimes, I realise that I’m starting to forget the little things about them: the way Johnny would tilt his head a little to the left (or maybe it was to the right) when he was talking; the way Dallas would bite his lip when concentrating hard on something, even if he didn't seem to notice himself doing it. Everything seems to be slipping through my fingers faster than I can grasp, trying desperately to hold onto the memories, begging them not to fade away into the background. 

Maybe that’s why they haunt me so often: because I'm afraid—afraid that someday I won't remember them at all. 

Darry slept on the floor in my bedroom for a little while after that night, too scared to leave me alone after everything. He’s been doing that a lot lately, constantly checking up on me, even when I'm only in the next room over. Sodapop says it's because he's scared I’ll disappear again, which is ridiculous; I’ve got nowhere to run to, and even if I did, I doubt I’d want to anyway. Without Johnny to keep me company, I might as well be right here in Tulsa forever. 

There was never anything in the papers about Johnny and Dallas—at least not anything good. They don’t write editorials for “murderers” and hoodlums. Nobody would read them anyway. It would be a waste of ink, a waste of print, and a waste of paper. It’d just be another story about another couple of kids from the east side who wound up dead. No one would care. No one would even know what happened to them, not until somebody started asking questions, and even then, the truth would be twisted. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody but me. They can try to understand, just like Sodapop, Two-Bit,  Steve, and Darry have tried, but they won’t ever see it the same. Not like I do. 

For a long time after the incident, I tried convincing myself that Johnny wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be; you don’t just lose your closest buddy in one night. That doesn’t just happen. And yet, it had happened to me. 

To be truthful, I still don’t really believe that Johnny is dead. It’s stupid, irrational, and childish, but I can’t help but cling to that notion like my life depends on it. Maybe I'm losing it a bit, growing a little delusional. Darry seems to think so. Not a day goes by where he isn't telling me to “get my damn head out of the clouds” or to “get my act together."

I’m trying, really, I am, but sometimes it gets hard. The truth hurts too much. So I decided it was better to just pretend that it hadn’t happened. Pretend the entire mess never went down. That’s easier than confronting reality, even though I know there are some aspects of Johnny and Dallas’ deaths that are very, very real. Too real to be ignored. And it’s not like I can ignore it, can I? It’s part of me—a piece of me—a piece of my memory that I can never fully forget. I’ll just have to live with it.

That’s easier said than done, though.

[mojo-bro-tho]

So- I’ve been writing an Emmrook fic. I haven’t posted fanfic in literal years and made a new blog just to do it (still debating if I want to actually post the full thing chapters I’m literally like 40k deep at this point and it’s a problem) BUT I thought it might be fun to share something I cooked up because I’m a firm believer that sometimes you just have to have a panic attack and that’s just that. So below will be a snippet of my F! Warden Rook Lenore having a moment as a result of Weisshaupt and Emmrich is there to do what he can!

“You have listened to everyone else’s terror at seeing what happened but your own. You insist far too much on shouldering the burden alone.” He began, closing the door behind him.

“I told you, I don’t have time for this.” She muttered under her breath.

“Time for what? For yourself? That isn’t how it works, Rook. If you don’t take the time, the body will do it for you.” It wasn’t a reprimand, it was a fact. He kept his tone even, spoken slow in hopes that it might somehow sink deeper into her thoughts. She still did not look up. He wished she would.

“I can handle this.” She responded plainly.

“I believe you’re forgetting who stood next to you for every step of Weisshaupt. I’m well aware that you can.”

That got her attention. That earlier look of annoyance melted into confusion, peering up at him through disheveled bangs. He had kept his distance from her, allowing himself to practically meld into the doorway without touching it. She was some feet away. He would not push her, he would not take a step further into the threshold to invade the space she had naturally put between them.

“Then why are you here?” She asked quietly. It sounded as if she was asking herself that rather than him directly.

“Every leader still needs a confidant. Someone who may lend an ear with the knowledge that they won’t see you as any lesser. Someone who cares and accepts the faltering but does not look away or turn their back.”

Emmrich’s words swirled around her as though they were a warm embrace. Her mind was alight and she felt incredibly conflicted. She recalled what Solas had said to her, about her team rallying behind her resolve. But she trusted Emmrich a great deal. His kindness seemed boundless, and he truly did care. As she searched his calm demeanor, she saw the perfected face of someone who did not wish to take pity.

“Every leader, huh? I don’t know about that.”

“Even the vilest of nobility have earned themselves the listening ears of those equally loathsome. If they have the privilege to share in hardship, you deserve far more.” Emmrich replied, his grip on his stave tightening. “Besides, you are aware of my fondness for you. Call it a selfish desire if that helps you sleep at night.”

Lenore took a single step closer. Her legs were far too stiff for it really, she felt like she was dragging the weight of hundreds of bodies behind her. It came out as more of a stumble than a stride and Emmrich once again fought the urge to reach for her. This had to be on her terms, he must not force it on her. A murmured grunt disguised as a chuckle escaped her.

“What does a confidant do exactly? Just listen?” She wondered.

“And offer advice, when wanted or needed. An advisor solely for that person they trust so deeply.” He answered. She took another step.

“That helps? That’s it? Sounds too easy.” Her head craned low, needing to watch her feet to take another step.

“When that is all that’s needed, yes.” He said gently.

Lenore’s knees buckled. The sway of her body pushed her further towards him. The cracks in her demeanor were widening by the second while the distance closed. As if a dam at the verge of bursting, Lenore found herself unable to truly halt her momentum. Shoulders hunched and back feeling pulled down. Emmrich’s own body stiffened as her lowered forehead found a spot just below the center of his chest. Her left arm extended and again met the door behind his back. Fingers sprawled and tensed like a twitching spider. Her body did not shake but the uneven vibrations of her exhale gave her away.

“Do confidants keep it a secret?” Her voice trembled.

“They speak not a word to any soul.” As he spoke, her right hand clutched at the front of his vest.

“Not even to me. Never again.”

“So long as that is what you desire.” He assured her.

That was the final straw. Emmrich’s back met the door with all the weight Lenore could press into him. The desperate cling for body heat just to prove she was not dead herself. That was hard through a silverite breastplate and every inch of her body covered in thick fabric and leather aside from her face.

No tears fell from her eyes, but a sound rumbled into Emmrich’s chest. A sound between a painful wail and the softest of gasps, like all the wind had been knocked from her lungs. Weisshaupt mattered to her, being a Warden mattered to her, all those lives, even the ones she had never met, they mattered. There were plenty left who could understand it. Davrin, Antoine, Evka. Logically she knew she could go to them and wallow in each other’s company. But Lenore would not allow herself that pleasure, not since she realized the First Warden had put all his faith in her only to lose it all. What right did she have to sorrow when so much was on the line? When they were all suffering just as much and yet were already moving.

Emmrich held no such obligations in her mind. Held no bias to the source of her pain other than having seen her own passion for her work. Maybe she could have broken in front of anyone, but she didn’t think so. He held a special place for his empathy towards her, for his unwillingness to yield to her stubborn resolve. Trusted her to find her way again, even if that required a moment of stumbling like a fool.

She could hardly breathe anymore. Every echo of her need to scream found a safe place to rest inside Emmrich’s rib cage. Her arms could not decide whether to pull him closer or to push herself away. She was melting and rigid, being torn apart and spun back together. The repeatedly rolling tide of torment that shifted every bit of the tainted rubble that made up her form.

She did not process what Emmrich did right away. His stave swiftly abandoned, clanging against the corner of the wall and instead his hands became full of her. Rather than her melding into his hold, he upheld her. One arm bent past her waist, up her spine, and firmly pinned her to him. His other hand went to the back of her neck. Two fingers wove into her hair while the rest wrapped around the base.

He was stronger than what he appeared, easily able to lift her frame to straighten her fumbling legs. The achingly mindless gasps for air shifted until he could feel them reverberate against his collarbone. An ever mournful howl that threatened his sensibilities. A pain he knew she needed to feel no matter how devastating it was to either of them. Controlled catharsis that he must endure for her.

“You must breathe, Dear.” He commanded in a whisper she could not truly hear.

The poor thing was beyond guiding words. She must or else he feared the panic may begin to slow the air to her brain. As gently as he could manage, Emmrich took control of her head, turning it to the side and pressing her ear against his chest all the while searching for the pulse on her neck. With tender care he lowered their bodies to the ground, afraid that she might collapse on herself.

Clinging even more fiercely, she crumbled into him and fell into the space between his legs while still pressed to hear his heartbeat. What a pathetic sight she would think herself to be if she could think at all. The pumping of blood thrummed in her skull. The hunger for closeness endlessly burned in her throat. The hand on her back perfectly memorized the bend in her vertebrae and sweetly caressed where the burdening weight was found inside her. She could not feel the difference in herself, but he could.

“That’s it. Just breathe. You are safe. I’m right here.” He mused into her open ear. “Just you and I. You are free to feel. Do not bind yourself to it, not with me.”

“I… I can’t…” Her words felt choking on a self strangled esophagus.

“Yes, you can. Just listen closely. Listen to what your body needs. Hear the sounds of mine. Allow them to sync.” Emmrich slowly rocked her back and forth, bringing forth the rhythms of steady breath so that it may resonate throughout her tissue. And in feathering, twisting whispers came a string of sounds Emmrich could not have understood fully at that time.

“Ir Abelas!” The syllables crushed helplessly in her neck. “Ma halani! Mir lin him banalhan!”

Emmrich recognized the words themselves as Elven, he did not know she could speak it. He made light taps against her spine with the tips of his fingers. Keeping a tempo that he rocked her to while trying to ease her hyperventilating. From their position, he could no longer see her face. But he felt her eyelashes blink against his neck and that told him she was keeping her eyes open.

Lenore sputtered a dry cough, her body making an attempt to force air back into her body by releasing what little she had to begin with. A large gasp wrought havoc on her jaw, feeling it stiffen while free from her gritted teeth. Emmrich would not be deterred by the sudden change, that was normal. He knew all of this was normal no matter how terrible.

The body always had its way in the end even if that meant destroying itself in the process. He would not allow it. He dreaded the thought of if he had allowed her to wait any longer to intervene. Just how much worse it would have been if no one had bothered to check on her at all.

Thoughts of fresh sickness across projects he would later have to rewrite came to mind. His own experiences lent him well to understanding the consequences all too well. Lonesome and fearful would always be far worse than together and broken. He was relieved to see that very experience aided her well. Silence filled the vacancy of her mouth and warm, shallow breath heated the skin beneath his collared shirt.

“There you are…” He whispered into her hair. “Can you hear me, Rook?”

Emmrich found a weak nod of her head, forehead rounding past the crook of his neck. Her mouth felt dry. Lips tired and throat yearning for the peace of stillness. Everything hurt, everything was numb, and yet there was warmth. The unmistakable heat of another breathing being. He breathed a sigh of relief that she felt scatter across her scalp.

“Good, listen to me closely… You are safe here. You are not alone. Count in your mind the taps you feel, can you do that for me?” He asked. She nodded again, eyes fluttering closed to focus. One, two, three, four. “Now start again.” One, two, three, four. “Again.”