#it’s just a fuckinf romcom w mutual pining

[fivveweeks]

do you guys wanna hear my insane hassel x brassius x reader plot of course you do strap in and let me talk shit;

so this is like, technically a sequel AU after the Hassel x reader and Brassius x reader (i’m working on it!!!) nsfw oneshots, where a year or two has passed and you return to Paldea for the longterm bc of your job. Obviously you don’t remember the one night stands that well bc they were for fun, hopefully the idiots are happy but it’s nunya business about some strangers’ love life, so you go about your own

and that’s when you’re in Mesagoza and a tiny fomantis crashes into you by accident. and it won’t leave you alone after you kinda calmed it down

so you’re like “Wait, what do I do now. Who’s pokemon is this-“ until someone comes running to you in the distance, yelling apologies and when he gets closer-

It’s Brassius. The guy with the funny green hair and dramatic personality and it takes you a second or two to recognize but it strikes a chord in your memory. And him too, apparently, when he skids to a halt and goes, “it’s you!”

cue spiderman-meme pointing. cue a quick conversation of sorta catching up and to refresh your memory before he drags you off despite your protest, fomantis attached to your head like some fancy clown hat. Ten minutes later you both stop before a cafe table where Hassel is - oh he remembers too - gaping at you both, but mostly at you to be honest

(“So I take it that the confession went well, huh.” you say, and the blush that lights up on his cheeks is a familiar, lovely sight)

you spend the afternoon with them bc they insist on treating you to lunch (and thank you for your accidental interference and to apologize for the trouble they put you through before, which you don’t mind tbh it’s actually kinda funny looking back.) they’re married for over a year or two now, which is great, hell yeah! you’re super happy for them, congratulations, jesus christ i cannot believe you both knew each other for over a decade, practically lived together and only confessed bc of the incident, what the hell-

and unfortunately, no matter what you three try, the fomantis just doesn’t want to leave your side

why don’t you take care of it for the moment? Hassel suggests, which Brassius immediately lights up bc that is a fantastic idea! what says you, my dear? so after a discussion of pokemon expenses (I’ll take care of it, Brassius waves his hand. no need to concern yourself over it) you sorta? kinda agreed to a weekly visit to Artazon or Mesagoza so you and fomantis can check in with them

and so goes the weekly lunch visits where you kinda learn more about the eccentric couple? turns out Brassius is an expert with grass types and you spend hours listening to him talk about fertilizer mixes and how much water and attention you should give to a fomantis (the species is unfortunately one of the more difficult types to look after, wow). Hassel is also good with advice whenever Brassius has to attend important events. you learn the right way to cradle grass pokemon like toddlers and weeks later Brassius takes you to Alfonada so your fomantis can pick a pot for sunbathing

(and throughout the time spent together you find it lovely to just watch them both interact. Brassius and Hassel are obviously smitten towards each other and all the little things they do are just really nice to observe quietly. Individually too, you can definitely appreciate watching them enjoying themselves and being good at what they do, like whoa Brassius looks really nice in that open-collared shirt and the way he sometimes rocks his smoliv in his arms and dances with his pokemon is really endearing and cute)

and then bc fomantis (you don’t give it a name bc it’s not technically yours but you might as well call it Big Baby from how clingy it is) starts to get acclimated you can probably start slowing down the visits to just once or twice a month. you’re kind of relieved that you’re getting the hang of this and won’t need to trouble Brassius too much now

except Brassius looks… a little moody? Upset? Disappointed when you both brought it up? or maybe you’re just looking too much into it?

but he doesn’t mention anything so your visits slow down in the end, and you take fomantis out to the forests and lakes to get enough exercise and sunlight, and honestly you’re just minding your own business but turns out god has other plans for you-

bc that’s when you stumble across a disturbed dragon habitat and now a Dreepy has accidentally attached to you.

deja vu, huh.

so now it’s Hassel’s turn to host the weekly meet ups bc turns out the man’s a dragon tamer, holy fucking shit, and rehabilitating a baby dragon is one of the most difficult things in the world without formal training. you do the same song and dance again and throw in outings to the wild where you both try to locate the scattered pod of Dragapults and Dragloaks. Brassius joins in when he has the time and somehow you three just start to have picnics together I guess. you’re not complaining tbh the both of them are a joy to spend time with

(and Hassel is really cute when he’s coaxing baby dragons? plus how calm he is when he’s calming down wild adults and knowledgeable he is in regards to the region and the care and concerns he has towards the endangered species- WOUGH he plays the guitar and piano too wtf is there anything this man can’t do???)

your schedule now develops into like, every one or two weeks you chill with either Hassel or Brassius and once a month or two the three of you hang out together. you hang until y’all actually find the dragon pod, but by now the Dreepy refuses to leave you so…

“I guess I’m responsible for a dragon and a plant now,” you shrug, not too upset. You’ve kinda warmed up to them by this point. you tell Brassius and Hassel they don’t have to keep paying for the expenses anymore, you’ll find a way to deal with it since you’re a trainer now. and they can free up most of their time now that they don’t have to keep babysitting you?

what you didn’t expect was to see the faint disappointment and crestfallen look on Hassel??? Like Brassius???? jesus, don’t be so sad, they can always grab lunch with you anytime, y’know, even if there’s no pokemon raising, just text you lmao they have your phone number anyways

which turns out to be the right thing to say bc now you’re getting invited to little art shows and outings occasionally now, and even dinners. that’s nice, you think, honestly they’re both lucky to have each other and maybe in some other life you probably would have dated either one of them but eh, you’re content where you’re at right now tbh, no biggie-

until a few weeks later they drop the bomb on you that they’ve been trying to hint at you for months now and do you want to date them, yes the both of them at the same time, Brassie looses his mind after our lunches now and HASS you TRAITOR says the man who blushes every time I bring them up when we k-

cue internal panic, some discussion about polyamory and expectations and stuff but… long story short, somehow you end up dating the both of them, now???

(you don’t find out one of them is a goddamn gym leader and the other an elite four until months later for some fucking reason, and you loose your shit inevitably bc NO WONDER YOU‘RE BOTH SO GOOD AT BATTLING, WHAT THE HELL)

(bonus chapter is where the both of them fuck you into the bed until the frame cracks, get that old men ass babey)