#it’s hilarious how i’m updating this more into a place where nobody really cares about what i’m doing

[okanra]

The whole “Trunks and Goten in High school AU” webcomic is being soft-rebooting, more properly this time and not just a “fan art stuff”. This is more like an adaptation for an art assignment now, which is really nostalgic for me.

This webcomic series’s name is “The UNSPOKEN” anyway, it’s much shorter than its original name and much more concise ✌️

[smutsonian]

Hi there! Can I please place request? How about nomad Steve angst with loads of tears with happy ending? Make it dark please? Probably he impregnates you and leaves you for someone else but when he sees Bruce taking care of you it pisses him off and he makes you his? Probably takes Bucky to help 👀

keep you safe

steve rogers x reader ft. bruce banner

warnings: dark fic, dark!steve, angst, manipulation, drugging, panic attack, toxic steve(he’s back guys), fucked up shit, not proofread

word count: 3.7k

a/n: ouch... also, this is all over the place. I’m sorry this one doesn’t have smut just pure manipulation and darkness and angst also im going to consider this as a oneshot

masterlist

- So, I’m thinking like maybe you and Steve were together before the civil war even happened?

- Like he’s still this soft puppy and he really took his time with you.

- He was this very shy but very romantic guy. A real gentleman who took you on a lot of dates before even making a move to kiss you. AND you were the first to initiate the kiss.

- It’s easy to say that falling in love with this man was inevitable. 

- It was perfect. He was perfect. You were perfect.

- Then suddenly it wasn’t.

- Steve started acting strange and distant and it’s not normal for you to doubt his love for you because he’s Steve. He always, and I mean ALWAYS make you feel how much he loves you.

- But is it possible that he’s not in love with you anymore?

- Then you find out that you’re pregnant and you would’ve been ecstatic if it weren’t for the downfall you’re facing called your relationship with Steve.

- You’ve been imagining this moment your whole relationship with Steve. How the both of you would be crying with joy and how the both of you will be planning for your future but that’s not happening right now is it? 

- The only thing that happened is the crying part and it was just you crying. Not with joy but with fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. And the fear of having to raise a child alone if Steve didn’t want one with you.

- Then flashes of memories you had with Steve appear in your eyes and a smile works its way back to your lips.

- What the hell were you even thinking? Steve would be delighted to find out.

- Steve loves you and he’s just busy with his never ending missions. Steve loves you... Right?

- Wrong.

- The moment you got Steve alone, he seemed very irritated that he’s even in a room with you and that didn’t really help you. You were finding it hard to announce the news and how he’s acting is not helping.

- “Is there a reason for this? I’m very busy, Y/N,” he grumbles but you weren’t offended by his dismissiveness. All that’s going on inside your mind is how he called you by your name. Long gone were the nicknames he always had for you. There was no love when he said your name, only annoyance.

- “I-I have to tell you something,” you stuttered, no longer very fond of the idea about telling him but he deserves to know. Is it horrible to think that maybe he’ll change once he finds out? Will it seem like you’re tying him down with your pregnancy?

- “Well get on with it.,” he says dismissively. Something flashed in his eyes before a grin falls on his lips. For a moment, you thought he was back to his usual self and that made you breathe a little better. “I have to tell you something as well,” he adds before motioning for you to continue.

- “I... Steve, I’m pregnant.” You just went for it, afraid that you may back out when you stalled more.

- Steve’s reaction was nothing you expected. He was too relaxed and you didn’t know if you’re going to be relieved or scared.

- “And I want to break up with you.” His face showed arrogance and the smile that you used to love so much made your skin crawl. It’s like he lived on making you feel this way.

- What exactly were you feeling? Betrayal? Sadness? Anger? No. You can never bring yourself to be mad at him. 

- “Is that all?” He asks, his tone getting really impatient that easily makes you feel very belittled and insignificant.

- You can’t find yourself to do anything as Steve rolls his eyes before turning around to walk away. 

- You managed to whisper a small “W-wait.” Thankful for his super soldier serum for hearing you.

- He stares at you, still impatient. 

- “I-Is that it?” Your eyes started to water, everything falling into you and you start to realize what’s happening.

- “A-are we over? That’s it? You’re breaking up with me because y-you don’t want t-the baby? We can work things out, Steve. It’s... I- It’s normal for couples to not get along sometimes. We can work things out. We always do!” You didn’t even realize that you were crying, whining, or sobbing. You just remember trying your best to make him stay.

- “This is really pathetic, Y/N. I thought you were better than this.” He shakes his head in disappointment which only added a new scar to your heart. You don’t want him being disappointed by you. 

- “You want a reason? I’ll give you one. I’ll give you more than one. We are no longer working out. It’s not the same anymore. We’ve obviously fallen apart and I met Sharon...” His face shows guilt and you being so in love with the man, that guilt gave you hope. If he feels guilty then maybe he still cares about you...

- “I never did anything with her, though. Not when I’m still with you. I’m not that kind of man. I’m doing you a favor by breaking up with you. I’m not going to cheat on you, Y/N. I cared about you. I loved you. But this is the end for us. As for the pregnancy... Time changed a lot in this place. I’m pretty sure there are lots of choices for you...” He gives your shoulder a pat before turning around and leaving. Never once looking back at your disheveled form.

- Your heart hurt. The pain was all over you and your ears were ringing and all that’s going on inside your mind is how Steve left you. He told you that he cared and loved you and that’s all in the past now.

- If you didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared earlier, now you do. 

- And just like that, you forced yourself to leave. You didn’t know what to do, who to call, where to go. You just know that you had to leave the tower. You were no longer with Steve. You didn’t have the right to be in that place anymore. 

- You just had to go.

- You were never really trying to move on. You tried but then you gave up because you can never get over a guy like Steve. You loved him. You still love him. Him loving someone else doesn’t really stop you from loving him. You should but you can’t. And you really didn’t want to. 

- You stayed at a friend’s house for a while. They were nice enough to lend you a place to stay, though it’s for a limited amount of time, you were still very thankful. Beggars can’t be choosers.

- You never heard from Steve. Last time you got an update about him was when the news reporter was announcing that the hero was a wanted criminal now. Something about the winter soldier. 

- You immediately realized that the winter soldier is his long time friend from all the stories that he used to tell you when you were still together. 

- You didn’t know what to feel but you forced yourself to not care. You can’t do anything about it. You only hoped he was in a safe place. You shouldn’t care that much but you did. You still can’t forget about him. Not when you’re carrying his child.

- You were walking around the city, desperately finding a job when you bumped into him. 

- Bruce Banner.

- You never really got to get to know him much because when you met him, he was timid and you only ever really talked to him when you bump into him in the tower. And then he disappeared and that’s that.

- But he’s there right in front of you and you didn’t think he’d actually notice you or remember who you are but he did. And he greeted you with a smile. A smile that he never really wore back then.

- “Y/N? Is that you?” He laughed before bringing you into a hug. Well, that’s new. 

- “Bruce? Where have you been?” You laughed before returning the hug.

- “It’s a long story... How are you?” He offered to treat you lunch and you followed. You’re basically homeless in a few days so might as well accept blessings when you can, right?

- You told him everything that happened. You told him that you had no idea where Steve is because you broke up before he became a war criminal.

- He noticed your growing stomach and it was quite hilarious and adorable how he was so shy about asking so you told him about it.

- “Yeah, I’m pregnant.” You chuckled at his embarrassed face then apologizing to you for staring. You waved it off, telling him that it’s fine.

- “Sorry to ask but Captain left you even after you told him?” Bruce looks bewildered and disgusted and you could only nod in response, face falling at the memories.

- “Where are you staying right now?” Bruce asked with worry written all over his face.

- “At a friend’s...” You so desperately wanted to ask for help but now is the time that your pride decided to show up.

- “I don’t think that’s safe for you and the baby... You were... The captain’s girlfriend and people can use you for bait. Especially now that he’s wanted... Listen, the tower is really empty right now. Only Tony, Rhodes, and I. I can talk to Tony about it. You can stay there and nobody would even know that you’re there. I’m staying there and nobody knows but Tony...” Bruce’s words gave you hope and you could only nod in tears of joy. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad for you.

- You understand why Bruce wanted to be hidden and that’s something that the both of you would bond over.

- After a few more months, you got bigger. (yep, you kept the baby and fuck steve and his fucking fuckity fuck)

- Bruce is a doctor and you grew to trust him as time went by so it’s normal for him to be the one checking up on you.

- You became very close with Bruce and you found solace in him. He just seems like he knew everything that he’s doing and you felt safe with him. You and your baby are safe with him.

- Steve never really left your mind, not when his child is growing inside of you, but you learned how to live without him.

- You avoided the news because you didn’t want to hear about him, an exercise you taught yourself to become somewhat better.

- So imagine your surprise when he shows up at the tower.

- He looked different. Longer and darker hair. Beard. He looked well and you hated how relieved you were at the thought of him being safe and healthy.

- You locked eyes with him and everything came back to you.

- The hurt you felt when he tossed you aside and the hurt you felt when he dismissed you and your baby.

- You felt sick when you saw his eyes traveling down your body and staring at your very swollen stomach.

- You began breathing unevenly and your chest was becoming tighter. Steve made you nervous. You hate how you feel insecure under his gaze. You hate how you feel like you’re disappointing him and you hate your heart still yearns for him.

- You felt hands snaking around your frame comfortingly and Bruce’s familiar voice brings you out of your mind. 

- “Breathe, Y/N… Breathe....” He guided you out of the room, needing the privacy and you thanked him for that after you’re finally breathing properly.

- What you didn’t see was Steve’s fuming face when he saw how Bruce held you and how you reacted to the doctor’s touch. The way you calmed down after hearing his voice. 

- Steve remembered how you started panicking after seeing him and he hated how you reacted that way towards him but he hates how you reacted towards Bruce the most.

- Steve’s hatred was drowned by the swelling of his heart when he saw you and your stomach. You’re still carrying his baby and he’s so thankful that you kept his child. He couldn’t love you more at that moment.

- Yes. He loves you. He came back for you and to see you in somebody else’s arms? To see you being comforted by someone else than him? He knows that he’s at fault and he probably deserve it but he’s going to do better. He’s going to be the best he can be. He’s going to be the best for you.

- He’s going to be the man that you would need. You and his baby.

- He’s got a lot to pay for and he’s going to do just that. If only you can cooperate with him…

- Steve watches as Bruce does your ultrasound. He should be there with you but he’s giving you time. He’s giving you space. He doesn’t want you getting overwhelmed again. It’s not healthy for you or the baby so he stands in the shadows, watching you and the baby on the screen.

- “Is that him?” Your voice wavers in excitement and Steve wanted nothing else but to hold your hand but he can’t. Instead, he just watches Bruce’s hand gripping yours in comfort and that just won’t work for Steve… He needs to talk to you.

- “He’s so small but so big at the same time!” Your laugh makes Steve’s heart swell with joy. He will get you back. He’ll do anything and if you don’t want to… He’ll make you want to.

- Steve finally gets you alone. He didn’t force himself on you. He waited. He waited and waited and now you’re ready to finally talk to him.

- “Doll…” He goes over to you to hug you but you step back, avoiding him. If that didn’t hurt his heart, the words you spoke did.

- “Captain.” Your words were short and curt. It’s like you didn’t even want to be there with him at all. And what’s with you calling him captain?

- “I wanted to talk to you, doll.” His voice was soft like honey and you feel your heart pounding with joy but you remained stoic.

- “Well, get on with it.” You should be feeling some sort of relief for repeating his word back then to him but you only felt guilt and the need to comfort him when his face fell and a dejected expression takes place on his face.

- “I-I want to apologize, first of all. You didn’t deserve anything I said back then. I was horrible an- and… I just wanted you to know that I never wanted to hurt you, doll. I love yo-”

- “Well you hurt me. You hurt me a lot.” You cut him off, the stoic expression you were holding is now gone. Steve’s face turns into guilt and he makes a move towards you again but you stop him with a shake of your head.

- “I don’t want to do anything with you right now. I… I don’t even know why you’re bothering to talk to me right now when you were so eager to get rid of me back then. What changed?” You looked at him with those eyes that Steve always felt weak for. He hated himself for hurting you but that’s the only way for you to be safe. He was going to look for Bucky and that will bring a lot of problems and he didn’t want you to be caught in between his fights. He loves you too much and at that time, he believed that hurting you was the best option.

- “I wanted you to be safe, Y/N…” Steve explained, his hand weakly reaching for you but every time you would reject him just adds another stab into his bleeding heart.

- “Well, fuck.” You spat. Steve looked at you in confusion, almost flinching at the way you’re glaring at him.

- “You wanted me safe?” You let out a humorless laugh and this time, Steve flinches.

- “Well thank you, I guess.” You say, voice not holding any emotion anymore. Steve liked you being mad at him rather than this. He didn’t like how you seem like you’ve given up feeling anything for him. He’d rather you mad at him than nothing at all. He deserves your anger towards him. Not this.

- “Well, you can continue making sure I’m safe by fucking off and leaving me to myself then.” That’s the last thing you said before leaving, never once looking back at his disheveled form.

- Steve hated how he feels but he knows that he deserves every single stab in his heart. He knows he deserves more hurting. He wants you to hurt him but you’d never do that. Not his Y/N.

- You’re right though. He will keep you safe. He’ll show you just how much he can take care of you and make you safe. 

- He’ll make sure to have you back in his arms. You’re going to be a family and he’ll protect his family at all cost. He’s never loved a woman as he loves you. Not Sharon and not Peggy. 

- You never talked to Steve after that confrontation but you still see him. You see him watching over you and you couldn’t help but feel the swelling of your heart whenever you see him.

- You’d see him putting your favorite cereal box down on the counter before you can enter the kitchen so you wouldn’t have to reach for it.

- You’d see him doing simple things to keep you safe and each time, you find yourself longing for the old days you had with him. You find yourself longing for Steve.

- Then it happened.

- Bucky somehow got triggered into becoming the winter soldier and your first reaction would be to find Steve but this time, you didn’t. You went to Bruce. 

- Steve’s jaw clenches when he sees you running towards the lab to find Bruce, your hand protecting your stomach. Steve ran towards the lab as well, knowing too well what’s about to happen and he’ll be there to save the day.

- Looking for Bruce didn’t end well because he found you. Not Bruce but the green angry man. The hulk.

- He was shouting while the winter soldier was watching the green man with interest. He somehow managed to trigger the hulk. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of someone controlling your best friend.

- “Bruce! It’s me!” You shout but the green man only growled before pouncing at you. 

- You turned around, crouching and hugging your stomach to protect your baby but the impact never happened.

- The sound of clashing and fighting made you turn around and you see Steve dodging the hulk’s punches with his shield and your heart leaped in relief. You relaxed for a second before feeling worried for Steve. 

- It’s like a normal reaction for your body to feel safe with Steve and your brain is starting to believe that too. You remembered his words from before… He just wanted you to be safe. 

- He hurt you to keep you safe and you’re starting to understand that now.

- “Y/N!” You see him running towards you with worry written all over his face.

- “Are you okay?!” He asked, hands shaking as he scanned you for any scars.

- “I-I’m fine, Steve… Are you okay?” You tried to look him over for scars but he pulled you into a hug, crying and shaking against your body as he rubbed his hand behind your back.

- “I thought you got hurt. I thought I failed… I just wanted to protect you…” He choked on his words and you hugged him tighter.

- You understand everything now.

- He just wanted to keep you safe.

- You pulled back from the hug before wiping his tears away with your thumbs. 

- “What about Bucky and Bruce?” You turned to look behind him but Steve stopped you.

- “Bucky’s alright. He’s back and he’s bringing Bruce to the medbay…” Steve breathes heavily, reminding you of the battle he just had.

- “A-Are you okay, Steve?” You repeat your question and he nods in response before pulling you into a hug again.

- “I don’t care about me. As long as you’re safe. As long as you’re both safe…” He pulls back before pressing a hand on your stomach.

- “I’ll feel safe when you’re both safe. I’ll only feel safe when I know you’re safe. Y/N… Doll… I am fucking sorry for hurting you. There’s no excuse for that. I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore... What I did was horri-”

- “Steve.” You cut him off and he looks at you with sadness and regret.

- You cup his face with both hands before smiling.

- “Thank you, Steve. Thank you for keeping me safe. For keeping us safe.” You grabbed Steve’s right hand before placing it back on your stomach.

- “You keep us safe… Thank you, Steve.” You see Steve’s eyes starting to water once more and you giggle before moving in, stopping just a few inches from his face. 

- Your eyes flutter before you leaned closer, finally closing the distance and kissing him.

- You feel his hand moving from your stomach to your back to pull you closer and tighter to his body.

- “I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much.” He whispers through the kiss.

- “I’ll always keep you safe, Y/N. I will never hurt you anymore. I’ll be the best husband and father…” He whispers before lifting you up.

- “I’ll keep you safe.” He whispers one last time before carrying you back to your room. The room that you’ll be sharing with him soon. Actually, you wouldn’t even need that room because Steve will make sure to get a place where the two of you can be alone. The tower isn’t safe for you anymore. Only Steve can keep you safe.

- Steve celebrates in his mind as the mission went successfully. With Bucky helping him. With how they were able to drug Bruce’s coffee. Everything went perfectly. You fell right back into his arms.

- And Steve will keep his promise.

- He’ll keep you safe.

- He’ll keep his family safe. 

------

undeserved happy ending for steve but what about it💀

taglist

General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox @anncutamarica @chaoticfiretaconerd @i-love-superhero @caffiend-queen @coconutqueen21 @jtargaryen18 @jennmurawski13 @mushyjellybeans @ninjabucky @evnscvll @buckstaybucky @donutloverxo @rebloggingeverything @adriannajackson @la-cey @awaywithtime @gotnofucks @littlegasps

Anything Chris: @patzammit @princess-evans-addict @shadowcatsworld @notyourtypicalrose @onetwo3000 @bluemusickid @heyiamthatbitch @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @empath-bunny @slytherinandoutasgard

Chris and seb: @harrysthiccthighss

Marvel: @jemzeraion

[onebizarrekai]

v3′s art is comically terrible for a professionally distributed game in a series: a compilation

in this not-essay I will list all of the mistakes and problems I have spotted in v3′s art. don’t worry, it’s entirely for fun and I’m doing this on a whim, so please feel free to not take this seriously but also it’s hilarious and embarrassing how ridiculous this is like what happened did they speedrun the whole production or what

see, there are some things you can take as meta like “they made it bad on purpose to allude to the downfall of tv shows that have been on air for much too long” but I have a very strong feeling this is not the case due to the nature of some of these errors

disclaimer, the more I study this art, the more I fear that the artists were underpaid and underslept, so if this is in fact the case, I am so sorry to all of them but also I’m going to make fun of the art anyway

anyway let’s get started!

if you study this image for longer than 5 seconds, you will see that kaede is the only one fully shaded and keebo is literally just his normal sprite pasted into the image. every other character is just an ordinary ref, hence most of them facing the exact same direction with neutral expressions on their faces. it looks like a bad edit, and is probably one of the worst pieces of art in the game. it kind of gets better from here on, but my roasting will not.

with that out of the way, here’s the problem that officially bothers me the most and clarifies my viewpoint of “this is not meta and an actual lack of company communication”

this freaking cg, which seems normal at a glance, but some wiseass was like “oh, kaede is a girl, so obviously she’s going to be shorter than the Male Protagonist™” ah, that’s funny. because if you look at the character bios, kaede is, in fact, one inch taller than shuichi and not like 6 inches shorter as she is shown here.

also shuichi’s shoulder is disproportionate and horrendous and he looks vaguely like a jojo character, but I wasn’t even thinking about that until right now.

thanks guys, 50% of the fandom who has never bothered to check these bios thinks that kaede is like 5′3 (did the developers really put so little thought into her to the point where drawing her correctly in the game didn’t even matter??)

also I would like to point out that, even though this isn’t related to the art itself, yes, a character kaede’s size being only 117 lbs is unfeasible, but this applies to literally every character in danganronpa ever and it’s not new news that it’s unrealistic

update: someone in the tags informed me that in versions of the game that use centimeters, like the japanese version, kaede is actually shorter than shuichi, which just adds another thing to the list of weird decisions the localization team made for no reason. that said, after confirming this, kaede is 167 cm in the original, while shuichi is 171 cm, which are approximately 5′6 and 5′7 respectively, but one inch is still nowhere near as drastic as it is depicted above. (in spite of this, I would rather depict kaede as slightly taller, so I’m probably going to keep doing that.)

the journey continues!

bro if you want kaede to have shoulder length hair then stick to it to begin with

you can pretend this is at an angle all you want but they definitely committed the shorter kaede sin a second time

wait a goddamn second.

DO YOU SEE THIS

no………… it wasn’t kaede who shrank. it was shuichi who got taller

speaking of which, can we talk about how shady the perspective is in this elevator pic? look at shuichi and kokichi in comparison to kaede. kokichi, who is canonically 7 inches (edit: or 5, if you’re loyal to the original) shorter than kaede, looks taller than kaede. he’s growing too. what steroids are these gays taking

running into the room, electric boogaloo: I don’t think tsumugi is supposed to be the same height as kokichi

gonta… gonta you’re lookin a bit like a jojo character there

I love how kaito’s head looks kind of like it was pasted onto his body. why is he the same size as shuichi? shouldn’t he be high school bully size or something? his torso is teensy

ah yes, white angie.

I love this cg but why is shuichi’s right hand so much bigger than his left hand

I also love how this cg looks like they literally took pictures of trees and pasted them into the background, especially on the left. the shadows are so weird, especially closer to the ceiling, it’s difficult for me to believe they didn’t do exactly that.

return of Enlarged shuichi

puberty update: kokichi is now taller than shuichi in spite of shuichi never missing leg day. what crimes will he commit

I have to mention it, guys. this has to be one of the worst danganronpa cgs. kokichi’s facial proportions look atrocious. look at the way his face sticks out like his jaw is in the wrong place. his scarf is a pasted texture. that’s it. this moment was so iconic but the cg just looks so… so… off. like something is terribly wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.

you know what? let’s get into that ‘pasted texture’ thing.

let’s imagine you’re an artist working on a professional game. you’re assigned to draw cgs of kokichi ouma, who has a checkered scarf from hell. sure, it will be terrible to draw, but you only have to draw it once at a time! plus, perspective is pretty important, right? can you be bothered? nah, actually. let’s just copy paste a checkered pattern into the cg, because I’m sure nobody will notice. it’ll blend right in with the other cgs that someone actually put effort into drawing his scarf in, right?

no. the answer is no and I very much noticed. this genuinely looks terrible and I would understand taking a shortcut like that in fanart or even an indie game but this is a full price pc and console distributed game

(an addition: look at kokichi’s TINY HANDS in that last one)

meanwhile, they straight up forgot to color in kokichi’s scarf in this cg.

dude. I forgot about whatever the hell this cg was. anyway look at keebo please just look at him

lovin kaito’s baby arms

real talk, maybe you could argue that he’s missing muscle because he’s deathly sick, but most of his cgs don’t line up with this, and his arms just look disproportionate to his torso size (granted this is a consistent problem across all danganronpa games and a lot of characters have this weird problem, like hajime, but also kaito is bigger than hajime so I kind of have higher expectations of him) maybe it’s his stupid goatee and the way he reminds me of yasuhiro?? it creates this illusion that he’s older than he is and so I keep expecting him to look more like an adult

oh, also rantaro is missing some of his accessories in that video he made–you know the one–but I don’t wanna go back and screenshot it

also you may have noticed that I’m skipping all of the monokub cgs because I literally do not care about them and I’m not even bothering to check and see if they have artistic mistakes in them

JIMMY NEUTRON???

hey um uh kaito you seem to be missing your neck

hey guys do you like my pregame fanart

so, that done, the sprites are also pretty terrible at times. they’re not as interesting to go through, however, and downloading the full sprite sets for every character and studying every single one of them will drive me insane, so I’ll just sum some of the ones I noticed up. I made things for kaede and shuichi before deciding I wasn’t going to get into it, so here are these.

that said, other mistakes include kokichi missing his purple highlights in all of the sprites encompassing a specific pose, stray pixels all over the place on everyone, and everyone also has heavily inconsistent shading, but literally all I think about is how pregame shuichi is unshaded and two of kaede’s pregame sprites have glaring outfit change mistakes in them

anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my ridiculous ramble. in all seriousness, there’s this looming presence of some lack of communication in the development team, like with all the art and design inconsistencies, pieces and sprites that look rushed, stray pixels, and missing basic proportional stuff. these are the kinds of things that you supposedly have to pretty much have in the bag in order to get jobs in professional businesses, so it’s really weird to me that this game suffers from so many of these problems. it’s like they tried to make the art so much more crisp than the other games, but it fell on its face as they realized it was going to take longer to draw everything and they started to rush. it’s weird, because the coloring itself looks normal–it’s just sloppily drawn, and the proportions are a mess once put into the context of perspective. many of the cgs look like they were drawn by different people, and I’m still not over the fact that half of kokichi’s cgs have his scarf pasted in as a texture.

the moral of the story is that if you’re selling a game at full price that also happens to be in a series that has had 3 very good games in it already the stakes should probably be higher than this. v3 has been out for more than 3 years and it’s still $40 (did it cost more than that before? I sure hope not), and the overarching quality of the game is just not as high as the other games. I’m not saying that the other games don’t have any problems with their art at all, they’re just not as glaringly obvious and every artistic choice in those games feels intentional.

regardless, I had a blast roasting the art at 2am, so maybe you got a kick out of all this chaos.

[kookiestarlight]

Omg nobody cares about your stupid ass drawings update your fucking story instead of being a hazy hoe that sits around all day

okay? first of all, this is my blog and I’ll post whatever I want regardless if it suits yours or anyones taste. don’t like it? unfollow me. it’s really that simple. you also have no idea what I do every day in my life or how much I work so for you to come on here acting all brave when hiding behind anon calling me a “lazy hoe” is just hilarious to me. do you not have anything better to do with your time? genuine question.

and if by my story you’re referring to “begin again”, maybe you should read where it clearly states it’s on HIATUS. and there’s a reason for that — the biggest one being people like you that send me shit like this.

I have my reasons as to why I haven’t posted in a while, and lack of time is the main reason, but it definitely isn’t the only one. receiving anons like this are a huge motivation killer and only fuel more insecurities and lack of confidence in my writing.

however, as far as I’m concerned I’m not obligated to post anything and I can take as much time as need until I’m happy enough with my work and feel comfortable to post again (and that’s what I’ll do) so I honestly don’t know what you’re trying to achieve with this.

but this?? I debated even answering any of these in the first place, but this second one is just unacceptable. this just makes me feel really uncomfortable.

why do you think this is okay? it’s so incredibly unnecessary. and as someone who already deals with anxiety, things like this do not make me feel great and only slow down my process and make me want to never share anything else on here anything.

[kylos]

i was asked to make some fic recs of stuff i’ve been reading since tros dropped but since tumblr has a glitch where i can’t add a “read more” cut in asks, i decided to make it a separate post because i have a LOT. all of them are rated E except for like, three lmao and they’re mostly modern au ones with some fix-its thrown in. i’ll put two of my favorites outside of a cut and the rest after it.

(won’t you let me) walk you home from school by somethingdifferent modern au. ongoing. ben and rey are co-workers at a private school. rey as a elementary school art teacher is SO CUTE. her and ben have a slow burn enemies to lovers situation going on and god, what can i say about this fic. one of THE BEST reylo fics i’ve ever read. incredibly in character. you know those fics that are so enthralling that they draw you in and you realize like 3 hours later that you’ve read the whole thing? this fic is one of those stories. it reels you in. and REY. i hate fics that are like, “she’s so plain and mousy and ordinary and lanky” like, NO. i love that this author characterizes her as the vibrant, sweet, radiant person she is. and ben’s deadpan humor in this is amazing. he’s got it so bad for rey but he’s such a self-sabotaging goof. just, god. i can’t stress enough how amazing of a fic this is. a must read. and if you love what we do in the shadows, read somethingdifferent’s cracky wwdits x reylo crossover oneshot - it’s hilarious

a place to go by delia-pavorum (literaryminded) modern au. bit of a slow burn. ben and rey are strangers and accidentally both end up at luke’s cabin during xmas vacation because luke, a fellow teacher at rey’s school lends it to her for the holiday and a certain grumpy tol nephew of his happens to drop by thinking it’s vacant. they get snowed in. [in bill hader’s stefan voice] this fic has everything: bed sharing, an enemies-to lovers dynamic, slow dancing to frank sinatra, snark, british!rey and ben finding her accent adorable, ben reading jane austen to a sick rey, smut, and fluff. another one of the best reylo fics i’ve ever read in the past 5 years i’ve been a shipper. it’s so well written and it made me cry with how moved i was by it. i stayed up all night reading all 8 chapters it was that good.

the man, the stallion, and the wind by voicedimplosives modern au. i love this fic so, so, so much. rey picks up a hitchhiking ben and they have to hang out in her trailer while the winter storm calms down. so fluffy and smutty i love it so much. their characterizations are perfect. definitely a fic that i’m gonna come back to read over and over again.

between two lives by neonheartbeat modern au. rey’s a model and her car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and she stays with mechanic ben solo while her car gets worked on. SUCH a good fic. the build up to their relationship is *chefs kiss* and the smuttttt. amazing. and i was not prepared for all the feels.

carve your name upon my heart by TourmalineGreen modern au and 3 chapters. one of the most unique fics i’ve ever read. it actually got me really emotional and i like, hardly ever cry reading fics. rey’s an artist that creates a sculpture (ben) that comes to life. such a beautiful fic, i absolutely adore it.

big dick problems by TourmalineGreen modern au. rey and ben are co-workers at a book store and ben being a kind of aloof person, rey thinks he hates her (she’s wrong ofc asdklfjsd). anyway one day at work she sees that he was browsing the r/bigdickproblems subreddit on his phone aaaand i won’t say more. seriously, go read this. it’s SUCH a good fic, ben & rey are so in character and it’s a good plot.. it’s one of those fics that i’m definitely gonna come back to re-read a bunch of times.

rebel side of heaven by jeeno2 modern au. ben and rey are friends, but i guess they’re more so acquaintances in the same friend group. ben’s a virgin and rey offers to teach him about sex but unbeknownst to her, ben’s got a massive crush on her 😏

tattooed heart by KyloTrashForever modern au. one of the best modern au fics i’ve ever read. i stayed up all night reading it, it was soooo good. just. the smut, the fluff. i can’t recommend it enough. the description: “ Rey Johnson has found herself down on her luck lately. A week long vacation to Hawaii for her best friend’s destination wedding should be just the thing she needs, only her day has been hell. Hell, her year has been hell. When the hot bartender with that fucking mouth makes her an enticing proposition, she finds herself unable to refuse. Besides, it isn’t as if she’ll ever see him again...”

sealed to me by glittergothh canonverse and takes place after tlj. this could serve as a tros fix it tbh because it’s like it’s own movie. i love the plot and ben & rey are so in character. the knights of ren actually play an integral part in this. love the finn/ben interactions.

love like ghosts by Yours_Truly_Commander_Shepard canonverse. my favorite tros fix-it fic so far. features the world between worlds, ezra, ahsoka, and anakin. rey goes back in time to save ben. and the scene where rey visits ben on mustafar 👀🔥 LORD. i LOVE this so much and it was just what i needed to read after the train wreck that was tros.

I've Got You, Babe by crossingwinter modern au. oneshot. a REALLY cute t-rated fic about ben taking care of rey after she gets the flu :’)

charcoal and petals by Hormonal_Trashbag modern au. a really sweet tattoo artist/flower shop worker fic that i really enjoyed! i’m a sucker for this trope because of abigeyedowl’s gorgeous tattoo-artist!ben and florist!rey art tbh

9 Pints by tigbit modern au. ben’s a vampire. oh my god this fic is amazing. it’s still ongoing but some of the best smut i’ve EVER read. a bit of a slow burn but man. it’s so good.

miles from where you are by Mooncactus modern au. i hardly EVER read anything under M but this has to be one of THE best reylo fics i’ve ever read. their characterizations, the slow burn, oh my god. it’s SO good and funny and fluffy. enemies to lovers perfection. the description: “After an argument over Star Wars fandom with a "gatekeeping, entitled monster" with the cryptic username of KyloRen, Rey finds herself stuck in a series of unavoidable video calls.”

saving mr. wanks by LovesBitca8 modern au. oneshot. rey catches ben in the act of uh, wanking off in the men’s restroom lmfaooo. it’s rare when a fic actually makes me like cry of laughter and this fic was hilarious. and the SMUT oh my god. so good.

auld lang syne by KyloTrashForever modern au. oneshot. ben and rey are roommates. ben keeps getting text messages from an unknown number with uh, explicit pictures and he eventually accuses rey of sending them to him ASLKDFJSD. i won’t say more because i don’t wanna spoil it but i love this fic sm.

bliss, balance and birth by crossingwinter canonverse. oneshot. ben teaches their daughter how to read. this is SO cute and just what i needed to read after tros.

gorgeous by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) modern au. ben and rey are co-workers and they end up having to go on a company retreat. enemies to lovers perfection

caught in the headlights by jeeno2 modern au. twoshot. “Rey Johnson forgets to wear a bra to work. Fortunately, nobody notices. (Except for Ben Solo.)” 😏

transference by fear_of_being_bitten modern au. ongoing. rey is ben’s psychologist so this is definitely a taboo fic but GOD the tension between them is like no other fic i’ve read. ben’s an asshole with this air of bravado about him because he’s trying to cover up his insecurities and rey is having none of his shit no matter how much he tries to push her buttons. it’s so well written and another one of the best reylo fics i’ve read. i’m so eager for each update to the fic. here’s an excerpt:

“So you enjoy controlling powerful women,” Rey repeats, making her voice sound uninterested.  She takes notes, although it’s unlikely she’ll forget a word of what he’s saying.  It gives her an excuse to look away from him.

“I do.  But it’s not the taking of the control that I like.  I’m big enough that I can take whatever I want.”

me when i read that:

aaaand that’s it for now. i’m still continuing to read fic like every day since i got laid off (thanks covid lmao) so feel free to hit me up in a few weeks or months or whatever and i’ll share more of my fave fics <3

[jalapeno-princess]

Better Together

Tutor Mark X Reader

Genre: Fluff with a hint of angst

Word count: 5.3k

Summary: You’ve been fooling around with your marine biology tutor for a few months. The two of you have more than friendly feelings for one another but you both are too afraid to confess your love in fear of things not working out. However, when one of Mark’s friends take an interest in you, that’s when the truth comes out.

“You know, for someone who claims to miss me, it’s pretty hard to get a hold of you nowadays.” The fake hurt tone in your best friend’s voice made you giggle, but he was right. It’s been over two weeks since you last saw BamBam and he’s been trying to plan something for the two of you to do for the last week but you’ve always been so busy. It wasn’t like you were avoiding him, you just had so much on your plate from both work and school that you didn’t really have time to be social as of right now. 

“Hey, I said I was sorry about that but you know how I get whenever it comes to my grades. I need at least a 3.8 to get in to the national honor society. Once we go on spring break, I’m all yours.” The two of you were currently drinking coffee at one of your favorite cafes in between class. When you found out your first class had been cancelled, you were quick with reaching out to the older boy and see what he was doing. A smile was quick to rise on your cheeks when he said he was willing to ditch class in order to spend time with you and although you were against skipping a class, you missed your best friend. 

“So, how’s your marine biology class by the way? The last time we talked about it, you had a borderline D. I know you took my advice and went to tutoring for it last semester, I still can’t believe you’re taking another marine biology class this semester after barely passing last semester. It’s like you love putting yourself through stress—or it’s because a certain marine science major just so happens to be tutoring you—don’t look at me like that. I know exactly why you retook that stupid class, it’s because Mark Tuan is the TA. I’m not stupid, there’s no way you went from a D to an A in less than two months by studying alone. You’re probably sucking his dick—Ow! What was that for? I’m totally supportive of you fucking your tutor. Not only do you get good grades, but you get your back blown out too—that’s it. I’m going back to class.” 

When he stood up and began to playfully gather his things, you reached over and took his notebook from his hand while motioning for him to sit back down. “Will you keep it down? The entire coffee shop doesn’t need to know of my business and besides—I’m not sleeping with anybody—well—it’s not what you think. I’m not hooking up with him just to get good grades.” 

BamBam looked at you in curiosity before leaning forward and placing his chin on top of his hands. One thing you both loved and hated about BamBam, was how nosy he could be. He was one of the biggest blabber mouths on campus. If there was a rumor going around campus, you could bet that he was one of the first people to hear about it and to spread it throughout school. Although you enjoyed being in the know with the juiciest drama there was going on at your university, you never wanted to be the next hot topic. Which is why you were afraid of the fact that he was completely aware of your little affair with Mark Tuan. 

“So what exactly are you doing with him then? Are the two of you dating? I feel insulted! We tell each other everything. As your best friend, I would have expected you to tell me that you got in to a relationship and with Mark out of all people. I can’t believe you’ve been blowing me off to waste your time with your boyfriend—“

“He’s not my boyfriend, we’re not dating. Okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but there’s nothing to tell. He’s been tutoring me since last semester, that part is true. But I didn’t sign up for marine 462 just so he could help me out again. I wouldn’t suffer through another science class just to have him tutor me again. I’m taking five classes this semester, remember? On top of working full-time so I’m sorry for being so MIA but I promise when my schedule clears up, we’ll do something.” 

A frustrated sigh fell from your lips before you took a sip of your caramel macchiato. You hated lying to your best friend, especially because like he said; the two of you told each other everything. BamBam informed you on every single thing that went on in his life and for the most part, you did the same. However, your love life was nobody’s business but you and the person you were involved with. As much as you wanted to update BamBam on your relationship status, you didn’t even know what to classify exactly what was going on between you and Mark anyway. 

You were more than just friends, but less than lovers and you couldn’t really consider yourselves friends with benefits either. Sure, the two of you casually hooked up in your free time, but it was more than just sex for you both. Mark was a very shy and soft spoken person to people he wasn’t all too familiar with, but you were one of the few lucky people to know what he was really like. Mark Tuan in more or less words was a very outgoing, patient, kind-hearted, hardworking and surprisingly hilarious individual. 

You loved being around him and you loved the effect he had on you. The older boy never failed to make you laugh and smile with his corny science pick up lines and when the two of you were alone, it seemed as if he always needed to be touching you. However, you had no problem with that. Intimacy was something you really enjoyed. You just didn’t know what to make of the lingering stares and the passionate kisses that happened even when the two of you weren’t having sex. 

There were a few occasions where you had caught Mark staring at you with so much adoration in his eyes; so you knew he had to have some sort of feelings for you. You had a hard time understanding why he had yet to act on it. Both you and the older boy have been at this for almost four months, if he wanted to be with you wouldn’t he have made things official by now? The vibration that came from your phone broke you out of your thoughts and you didn’t even try to stop the grin that grew on your face when you noticed who was trying to get in touch with you.

MT: Hey, are you busy right now? I really want to see you—and maybe kiss a little—okay maybe more than just a little. 3:15 p.m.

You: Never too busy for you. Wanna meet me at my place in fifteen? 3:16 p.m.

You: Just kissing? 3:16 p.m.

MT: Oh no, more. Definitely more. Sounds like a plan. See you soon. 3:17 p.m.

Since you were so deep in your excitement, you failed to witness that BamBam was analyzing your newly delighted expression and a smirk rose on his face when he came to realization of why your cheeks were pink. He was sure that if he were to reach over and place his palm against your face that it would be warm. Even if you told him that there was nothing on between you and Mark, he knew you like the back of his hand. You and BamBam have been friends long enough for him to know that you were interested in someone. 

“Let me guess, lover boy is texting you. He’s asking you to ditch me so that he can rearrange your guts. It’s fine, you can go. Honestly I’d do the same.” 

Your eyes widened at his words and you ripped off a piece of your scone and threw it at his chest. “Asshole. It’s nobody—really. I’m serious. But I do have to leave, I have class in twenty—“

“You and I both know you’re done for the day. There’s no point in lying to me y/n, I know your schedule by heart. Go get some dick, and tell Mark I said hi.” No matter how much of a pain in the ass BamBam could be sometimes, you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t your favorite person. Well, other than the boy who owned your heart. It took you two months to accept it, but you were in love with Mark. 

It wasn’t surprising, most of your time was spent with your charming science tutor. When he wasn’t teaching you or buried balls deep inside of you, the two of you would be doing a lot of domestic things together. You’d find yourself doing things with Mark that most couples would do; watching movies together, baking different desserts that you saw on the food network, allowing him to sit in between your legs as he played video games and there were a couple times he even went grocery shopping with you. He also had a habit of complementing you almost every single day on your looks, your personality, your outfit, your choice in music and your cooking. 

There were times you found yourself contemplating on telling him how you felt, but you were afraid of ruining things one the L word was thrown in there. You made a beeline towards your apartment with the intent of changing your clothes and making yourself a bit more presentable for Mark before he arrived. Although he made it aware that he didn’t really care what you wore only because it would end up on the floor anyway, you couldn’t help but want to look good for him. 

Once you made it inside, you placed your bag on top of the kitchen counter and headed in to your room. As you began looking through your closet, you heard a knock on the door and silently cursed yourself at the thought of Mark already being there. “Just a minute, I’ll be right there.” You threw a pair of shorts and one of Mark’s shirts that he left at your place the last time he slept over. That was another thing that confused you. You and Mark weren’t strangers to sleeping over at each other’s places. Sure, if the two of you hooked up, you’d end up staying the night and vice versa. But there were days he’d ask to hang out and he’d end up staying the night. 

He had quite a few of his things scattered throughout your apartment and from an outsider’s point of view, it would look as if you had a boyfriend. If only that was the case. You took a quick look through the peephole before opening the door and when you saw him, your heart rate increased. As soon as you opened the door, he gave you no time to prepare yourself before he practically threw his arms around you and pulled you in for a kiss. His hands cupped your cheeks gently as he licked and sucked on your bottom lip and playfully brought it in between his teeth. He maneuvered the two of you forward so that he could close the door, and quickly deepened the kiss. 

After a few moments of your tongues battling for dominance while his hands roamed around your body, you pulled away to catch your breath and tiptoed so that you could place your forward against his. 

“Hi.” 

He let out a soft giggle and stole a quick kiss from the corner of your mouth. “Hey. I missed you.” You rolled your eyes in disbelief. 

“You saw me last night.” Mark was the only person you have been seeing these days. You were grateful that he was tutoring you and that the two of you had an excuse to meet each other, even if most “tutoring sessions” ended up in sex. The older boy was like a breath of fresh air; your own little hideaway from adulting. Even if he was about to turn twenty-seven years old, he never failed to act like a little kid. 

“Yeah, but that was last night. As much as I really want to take this to the bedroom and find my way in between these pretty thighs of yours, you have a midterm coming up and there’s no way I’m letting you fail.” You released a frustrated sigh and gave him an adorable pout. Mark had the biggest soft spot for you and you knew just how much your cuteness had an effect on him. He would do anything you asked him to, unless it interfered with your education. That was the only time he put anything before getting to love on your body.

“But Mark—you said kissing.” He cupped your cheek and began to caress his thumb right above your Cupid’s bow. “Don’t worry, there will be plenty of kissing. Trust me, I’ve been thinking about these pretty lips all day today. However, you’ll only get a kiss whenever you get a question right.” 

Right as the complaint was about to fall from your lips, Mark smashed his mouth against yours and gave you a rough, sloppy kiss. “I know you’ll do just fine on this test y/n—“

“Then why do we have to study right now? I have a week until the midterm Mark. Making out for a couple of minutes won’t hurt my grade.” His laughter filled the room at your persistence and as much as you were upset with the idea of science, you found yourself laughing along with him. Mark had one of the most contagious, high pitched laughs and it had to be one of your favorite sounds. You did whatever you could to be the reason behind the beautiful noise. 

“I could’ve sworn I was the horny one between us. When did you get so sexually aroused? Not that I’m complaining, I am all for it, it’s extremely sexy—ow! I don’t understand why you’re not rough like this in bed—you’re going to have to study for the exam on your own if you keep this up my little sea urchin.” 

The older boy had a tendency to call you marine animals instead of an actual pet name and you couldn’t help but think that there was a reason behind it. Although there were times he called you baby, whether it was during sex or if it just happened to fall from his lips, he never really used the term with you. You felt that if he were to call you a term of endearment, then your relationship would only get more complicated. 

“Fine! Whatever. But we won’t study for long, I’ve already had a rough day. The last thing I need is to drive myself insane trying to instill information about sea-level rise and coral bleaching in to my brain. And you better be generous with these kisses. None of those pecks from last time.” He beamed at you before getting himself settled down at your dining table and taking out some flash cards he prepared for you. 

“A swell is pure energy. True or false?” You took a few seconds to think hard about the question before responding. 

“True.”

“Nope. It’s false. Come on y/n, that was so easy. I’ll give you a kiss for effort though.” He leaned over and gave you a quick peck before flipping over the next card. “What is the cause of erosion?”

“Soil compaction, low organic matter, loss of soil structure, poor internal drainage, salinisation and soil acidity problems.” He hummed softly before reaching over once against to place another kiss on your lips; a few seconds longer this time. 

“Good job, let’s keep going.” Throughout the entire study session, Mark rewarded you with quite a few kisses, whether or not you even got the answer right. There wasn’t much either of you had to worry about though. You got thirty out of thirty-three questions correct. As much as you hated science, marine biology to be exact, you were very grateful to have had sign up for the class in the first place since it was what led you to meeting the devastatingly handsome man sitting in front of you. 

Once Mark felt like you had enough studying for the day, the two of you moved over to the couch and turned on the television. He pulled you on to his lap before you could take a seat next to him and wrapped his arms protectively around your waist. Being in this position with Mark wasn’t unfamiliar to you. Mark loved cuddling. You were quick to learn of that just a few days after the first time you stumbled in to bed together. It felt as if it was just yesterday that you went to ask Mark for help after your professor returned your quiz about paleo climate and he was happy to help. You didn’t think that less than a month after he began tutoring you that you’d find yourself writhing underneath him, begging for him to do anything to soothe the burning sensation between your legs. You smiled softly to yourself at the memory and snuggled up closer to his chest while he left a soft kiss against your temple. 

When he began to scroll through Netflix, it was then that you remembered the question you were asked just a few hours ago in your literature class by one of your fellow classmates. 

“Hey Mark?” He hummed in curiosity against your neck and you couldn’t help but snicker at how ticklish it felt. “Are you free Saturday night? Jinyoung asked me to go watch Planet of The Apes with him and I remember you saying something about wanting to see it.” 

When you felt Mark tense up against your back, you couldn’t help but feel as if something was wrong. Jinyoung was a close friend of Mark’s, you actually met him a few times through the older boy and he was nothing short of a gentleman to you. It also so happened that you had him in your first period and the two of you never really talked to each-other other than asking each other how your days were going. Today was the first time he actually asked you something other than what you had for breakfast and you felt as if he was inviting you with the idea of going with the rest of their group of friends. 

“Jinyoung asked you to go see a movie with him? When was this? Why? You guys aren’t even friends.” You were quick to pick up on how his whole demeanor changed when you brought Jinyoung up but you didn’t understand why. 

“He asked me in AP today if I wanted to go watch Planet of the Apes with him—why do you look so upset?” Seeing his brows furrow and his jaw clench made you even more confused but you couldn’t help to think that there was a chance that Mark was jealous. But why would he be jealous of Jinyoung inviting you to see a movie with him. For all you knew, he asked you because he didn’t have anyone else to go with; but why wouldn’t he have asked Mark? You were sure the two of them probably talked about things like this. 

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. So what did you tell him?” You shrugged before tracing your fingers along his brows. 

“I told him I’d ask you first and then I’d let him know.” The sarcastic chuckle that came from the back of Mark’s throat sent chills down your spine. You hardly ever seen Mark mad. The only time you’ve seen him pissed off was when one of the students reported him to your professor for giving him a D on the final. Being a TA, sometimes the professor would allow Mark to correct essays and tests. That student wasn’t all too happy with the way Mark graded his paper and you remembered how furious Mark was when the professor called him in to his office and told him of the news. 

How could you forget? Mark took all his anger out on you in bed that night and you couldn’t walk for the rest of the week once he was finished with you. Luckily the professor went over the student’s exam himself and actually gave the student an F for it instead. Although it was hot seeing Mark getting all riled up, you hated the idea of something getting under his skin and bothering him for the rest of the day. You decided you were going to use this information to try and pry his feelings for you out of him. However, you were afraid of the outcome not being that of your favor but you didn’t care at this point anymore. 

“Good. You’re going to watch that movie with me—not stupid Park Jinyoung.” The last part came out as a murmur but you heard it nonetheless and butterflies began growing in your tummy when you came to terms with the idea of Mark being jealous. It was cute, he was cute and you were madly in love with him. 

“What’s wrong with Jinyoung? He’s a nice guy and I thought you guys were friends. I don’t see anything wrong with going to watch a movie with him—“

“You’re mine! Park Jinyoung knows exactly what you mean to me and just how much I love you yet here he is trying to ask my girl on a date—oh shit. Shit, shit, shit—y/n—“ it was too late. His angry rant turned in to a love confession and you couldn’t help but smile like an idiot at the entire thing. Mark finally admitted his love for you and he even referred to you as his girl. Was all of this really happening right now? It felt too good to be true. There was no way he was in love with you even if deep down something told you that the older boy had some kind of feelings for you but love? He couldn’t be in love with you? If he loved you, the two of you would’ve been together a long time ago but he had yet to make things official. 

He was quick to try and lift you off of his lap and you were sure he was going to make a run for it to prevent him from making an even bigger fool out of himself and to prevent you from asking him anymore questions. However, the warm feeling of your lips against his caught his attention and he found himself smiling against your mouth. God, did he love you. He would kiss you for the rest of his life if he could. 

“Y/n—“

“I love you too. I’m in love with you too. I have been for a while now. I just never thought there was a chance that you’d ever reciprocate my feelings so I kept them to myself. No matter how badly I wanted to be yours. I was content with being whatever it is that we are, but I couldn’t help but desire more. I wanted you. All of you. I wanted to make things official between us but you seemed okay to continue fooling around with me so I didn’t say anything—“

“For someone who has a 3.7 g.p.a right now, you’re not all that bright. You know words were never my forte baby—real quick, can I just say how much I love calling you that? Baby. MY baby. You’re MY baby! Understand that? My baby, not Jinyoung’s! Or anybody else’s! I can’t believe he had the audacity to ask you out to a movie knowing that you and I have something. Well, since the cat is out of the bag, I guess I’ll probably explain it all.” 

He brought his hand up to the crown of your head and began running his fingers through your hair. Your heart fluttered with the way he was looking at you; as if you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid his eyes on. You could get used to this. 

“When you came to me that day, with your hair thrown in to a messy bun wearing nothing but that three sizes too big of a clothing item you call a hoodie when really it was like a tent for you and asked me to help you out, I was over the moon. I’ve seen you walk in and out of class so many times and I found myself developing a little crush on you at the time. You—you don’t understand how beautiful you are do you? You are otherworldly y/n—such a beautiful being. My pretty girl. I can’t take my eyes off of you, it’s physically impossible. But it goes beyond your beauty; although I mean this when I say you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on and I’m sure your golden-hearted personality adds to it. You’re such a selfless and caring person. I’ve seen you help others while you yourself was struggling and I admire that about you. You’re also very hardworking and dedicated in all that you do. There were so many times I found myself wanting to confess my love for you, but just like you I was afraid of you not reciprocating my same feelings. But babe, even if I didn’t outright tell you how I feel, you should’ve known by my actions that I’m crazy for you.” 

He grabbed your hand and began playing with your fingers; a habit you noticed he did every now and then if he had a lot on his mind and needed a distraction. “I don’t let just anyone meet my family let’s just put that out there. Especially someone who I considered a casual fuck.” 

You playfully shoved his shoulder at the memory of meeting the Tuan family. Over two months ago, Mark had asked you if you wanted to go with him to a party and without hesitation, you agreed. You loved going anywhere Mark went; no matter where it was. That’s how you found yourself in arcades and pc rooms every now and then but it didn’t bother you. 

A part of you regretted not asking him about the type of party it was going to be and since you are both in college, you assumed it was going to be a college party. However, when you walked in to a house with Moana decorations scattered throughout the living room and the backyard, you knew you were in deep shit. But the Tuan family were very kind and friendly; his mom wouldn’t stop complementing you and his dad told you a few embarrassing stories from Mark’s childhood that made your insides hurt from all the laughing you did. His nieces also grew very fond of you and continuously asked you about your relationship with their favorite uncle Mark. All in all it was a great day and you couldn’t help but giggle every time one of Mark’s family members asked who you were. 

“I told them you were my girlfriend when you weren’t around. My parents really liked you. In fact my mom won’t stop asking me to bring you over. Oh and to continue the very long list of things that I do for you that I would never do for anyone else, I let you choose the movies; even if I don’t necessarily agree with some of your choices. Like, who in their right minds would sit through three hours watching a nun babysit a bunch of kids and sing songs every five minutes—“ you crossed your arms in disappointment and gave Mark an adorable frown. 

“Hey! I thought you said you like the sound of music—“

“Yeah, yeah it grew on me. Probably because we’ve watched it so many damn times, but that’s besides the point. Anyways, I share my food with you; I wouldn’t even share popcorn with my brother let alone half of a pizza with you. I would never miss out on any class unless I wasn’t feeling well enough to attend but I’ve found myself ditching a couple of my classes in order to spend time with you. I even let you sit in my video game chair y/n. That right there should’ve been proof on it’s own. You know how protective I am over my video games. They’re my babies, well—other than you now. But yeah. I’d do anything for you. I love seeing that breathtaking smile of yours and I love being the reason behind it.” 

You were sure your heart was about to combust the longer he went in to detail about the love he had for you. Although you knew Mark was never a man of words but of actions, it was nice hearing him explain his feelings for you that you weren’t able to pick up on. You couldn’t wait to finally tell BamBam about your newly found relationship with Mark. You knew your best friend would never let you live it down especially after he confronted you about it only for you to shut him down. 

“Were you always this cheesy?” He giggled at your question and shook his head in disagreement. 

“No. Definitely not. You make me soft—well I mean you make me very hard most of the time but yeah, I get all sappy when it comes to you. I think when I noticed myself caring about your happiness and well-being, that’s when I realized we were more than just your typical friends with benefits. I wanted to love you and make love to you. I wanted to fuck you then take you on a romantic picnic at the beach or some shit. You’re really special you know that? You make this pathetic heart of mine really happy. I love you y/n. More than I can fathom in to words.” 

You beamed up at him before placing a gentle kiss on his nose. “I love you too. So, so much. Thank you for all that you’ve done for me and continue to do for me Mark. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” After a few minutes of relinquishing in your love for each other, Mark wrapped his arms around your thighs and stood up, abruptly taking you with him while heading towards your room. “What are you doing Mark—“

“Well the plan is to do you, for the rest of the day. I’d like to celebrate our relationship and eat your pretty little pussy out as a reward for finally telling you how I feel. Now, either you stop talking since you’re ruining the sensual atmosphere, or I’ll give you a reason not to talk with my cock down your throat—yup face fucking it is. On your knees baby, it’s going to be a long day.”

[purplesurveys]

1257

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry?  Oh for sure. We had to watch It’s A Beautiful Life and I know I cried every single time I watched that movie, whether for school or on my own time.

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about?  I don’t really get this question. I feel like it would make more sense if it asked how early I’m willing to wake up in the morning...? Anyway, I don’t pay attention to the time I sleep at night. Sometimes I’ll pass out as early as midnight, and sometimes I’ll be up until 3; it doesn’t matter to me.

What is you favorite type of lunch meat?  I’m not into those in general.

What time of the year do you dislike the most?  The heat in April and May is just brutal and uncalled for. It gets so hot and disgustingly humid and most times the aircon can’t even do much to quell it.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs?  Yeah, banana ketchup since that’s what we usually have a bottle of. Generally, I have banana ketchup with most of my breakfast dishes too.

What is your favorite color to wear? I don’t really have a favorite to wear those days mostly because I barely go out anyway and there’s been little need to update my closet.

Are you an overachiever?  Seems like the type of question you should be asking my parents, not me haha. Personally, though, I’m fairly proud of what I’ve accomplished.

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)?  Maybe longer legs and smaller teeth, but I’m not exactly insecure about mine.

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry? Did you just raise the possibility of marrying a deer? Anyway...since I mentioned Two for the Road in the last survey, I’ll go with Mark from that movie. Seems like my type of partner. 

How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)?  With legs...around 2-3 weeks. Armpits, maybe about a week or so. Never more than a month for either.

What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else?  For the most part I’ve always been cautious of what I say; writing, on the other hand...I’ve written stuff on my diary wherein I let out all my frustrations against my mom. I know they were mean because she cried over them – but that also entailed snooping through my stuff, so I’ve never felt bad about it. I meant those things as I wrote them because it was my safe space, and she violated that. That’s on her.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry?  I did, but I instantly realized it was bad so I stopped as soon as I began.

What is your favorite thing about your life?  How everything seems to have fallen in its place these days. There’s really little to complain about and I’m grateful for that.

Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire?  Animals.

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody?  No.

How many real bfs/gfs have you had?  One.

Did you enjoy your past relationships?  I did.

Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. << I love this choice, let’s just go with this one lol.

Could you wait until marriage for sex?  Sure.

What’s the best Nirvana song?  I don’t listen to them. I know a couple of songs but I don’t like them enough to be my favorites.

What was the last thing that impressed you?  The new Butter remix with Megan Thee Stallion.

When was the last time you were in a pet store?  Years, years ago.

What nationality is your last name?  Spanish or Portuguese, I’m not super sure.

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip?  I never dip my chips; I just have them as is.

Who was the last boy that you saw cry?  Idk...maybe one of my cousins from one of our family reunions last year. I don’t get to be around a lot of boys or guys.

Does your mom know you do surveys?  No. I’ve never had to raise it and I can’t see a situation where I would have to.

Have you ever had a serious injury?  Yeah, I got a big wound from when I went snorkeling around a decade ago. I wasn’t provided flippers so when I was kicking to stay afloat I managed to hit the coral reefs underneath repeatedly, which majorly scraped and gashed my left foot until it was an open, bleeding mess. It was infected for weeks and I’m surprised it didn’t leave any kind of mark or scar.

What was the last thing you achieved?  Handling a campaign for a major client successfully and getting good coverage and results for it.

Would you enjoy being famous?  Probably, but I wish I had some sort of talent or skill that would propel me to popularity in the first place hahaha.

What’s under your bed?  Some things I collected from past hobbies and interests, like all my old wrestling magazines.

Do you enjoy travelling?  Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it?  I mean I joined an org in college, which technically makes me a member for life. I’m not name-dropping but it’s one of the two journalism organizations in my alma mater.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk?  I can’t recall. I don’t drink strawberry milk.

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set?  I never collected those.

Do you have a clock in your room?  Nope.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher?  I honestly can’t remember. I only had like three sessions with different instructors for each, and the one instructor I remember having was extremely cranky and impatient.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite?  Hold It Against Me is pretty fun.

Does mind over matter work for you?  Sure.

Are you paranoid?  Oh yeah. Overthinker is pretty much my middle name.

What is the best thing about winter?  I wouldn’t know but considering the things associated with it, I’ve always believed it would be my favorite season.

Have you ever been truly in love?  Hmm. I think so, yeah. I’d give myself that.

Are you currently planning a trip?  Nah. Nothing set in stone, but Angela, Reena, and I have been talking about flying to South Korea next year. We’ll see.

How many plants are in your home?  Several. My mom is a bit of a fan, but it’s nothing obsessive.

What is your favorite possession?  I treasure my BTS merch, I guess haha. Nobody is allowed to touch them or move them around without my permission. As often as my mom likes to barge in my room and touch my stuff, she seems to understand and doesn’t lay a finger on any of the merch either.

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked?  Sure. But it's never really mattered to me; it just feels nice to be nice and do nice things for people. It does feel nice to be thanked, but I don’t necessarily do it for the recognition.

What movies have tripped you out?  I’m Thinking of Ending Things, Midsommar, Anomalisa, Under the Skin, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Killing of A Sacred Deer are a few of them.

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade?  Yesssss, I even had a pair as a kid. I got into it because I loved to ice skate, but it turned out I wasn’t as good as gliding on the ground so I ultimately preferred ice skating. Anyway, no, I haven’t done rollerblading in years.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?  I did. I stayed because it’s where I felt safe and I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do outside of it.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating?  Sure.

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep?  Nope. I find them more distracting than anything else, and they actually keep me from sleeping.

What summertime treats do you love?  I don’t have any.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. < Yeah, this sounds about right.

What do you hate most about moving?  The last time we moved was in 2008...and I don’t really remember disliking any part of it. I was actually excited for us to have a home all to ourselves after living with extended family in a cramped house all my life.

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting?  Depends where. Sometimes it can be exciting, sometimes it can be inconvenient but you kinda do it out of desperation lol.

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks?  No, I’m scared of how it would affect my body so I’ve never tried.

Has anyone ever whistled at you?  Countless random men.

Do you like scarves?  They can be comfy if I’m traveling somewhere cold...but I don’t really get to do that often, so.

Is your father homophobic?  I haven’t seen any signs from him. My mom is much more likely to exhibit internalized homophobia – she just did the other night.

Do you take gummy vitamins?  No, only when I was a teenager.

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all?  I don’t think so, nothing I can recall.

Who would you like to meet before you die?  I don’t have any goal person in mind.

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? Hmm, probably not. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of?  The Avril Lavigne doppelganger one is extremely hilarious and I read up so many thread about it on Twitter just so I can see how far people can stretch it.

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die?  I don’t care.

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else?  Either of my best friends.

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday?  The weather.

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy?  My mom.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself?  Yeah the soundtracks are actually fucking great. The person who took this survey before me named Supermassive Black Hole by Muse, and that’s one of my favorites from all the soundtracks. The song Slow Life in New Moon is nice, too. How old was the first person you kissed?  She was 17, going on 18.

Will you be a strict parent one day?  I’d have some rules set but I wouldn’t suffocate my kids.

Last person to stand up for you?  Heck if I know. I can do that for myself.

Have you been to a baby shower?  No.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?  My ex.

What’s your favorite high school memory?  Hiding a same-sex relationship from my conservative, homophobic Catholic teachers.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single?  I like being single these days.

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do?  Trying out the Nevis Swing in New Zealand.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate?  I saw no point in studying chemistry.

Italian food or Chinese food?  Chinese. I like Italian cuisine, but sometimes I find it a tad bit salty for my taste.

Do you like to make flash cards when you study?  Not flash cards but sometimes I’ll write my notes down in several index cards because for some reason I retain information better that way.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?  No.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online?  No. I never saw the appeal of most of them, honestly.

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike.  Gabie.

What do you think about Marilyn Manson?  I have nothing to say about him tbh. 

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school?  Nothing beyond getting into an argument with this kid in 2nd grade and getting sent to the counselor’s office for it.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras?  I used to, until I handed it down to my sister...and until she let it smash onto the ground because she didn’t place it on her tripod properly when she was filming one time. I still don’t get why she’s so defensive about it; I wish she’d just admit she majorly fucked up on that. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets?  It makes me silently judge the parents more so than letting myself be bothered by a child.

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother?  We’re not offered the chance to get yearbooks unless we’re in graduating years.

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome?  No.

Jalapeños: yay or nay?  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Did you ever play Minecraft? No. I can’t care less.

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member?  I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense?  Me, sometimes. Hahahaha.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you?  The way I was broken up with, like what the person who last took this said. I’m not tortured by it and her anymore, but I don’t think I deserved to intensely mull over about what I could have possibly done to be broken up with the way she did.

What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. < This pretty much hits the nail on the head on how my ex is, so I’ll just go ahead and agree.

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it?  I’d get braces again and...that’s it, really.

What are your feelings on feminism?  I support it and I support how it advocates equality.

Describe your first relationship?  I’ve only had one relationship so I’ll just answer the following question.

Describe your last relationship?  Internally toxic; uhhh healthy at some points I guess, when she wasn’t being a selfish prick; a disaster towards the end.

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex?  I honestly don’t know what constitutes ‘safe sex’ in a same-sex relationship, sooooo idk if I have.

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply?  It’s a realistic take on love and I appreciate that it took its sweet time to highlight the ugly sides of love and marriage. Also, Audrey Hepburn taking her acting chops to the next level was just beautiful to watch. She was always a fantastic actress in all her movies, but I could tell her acting in Two for the Road had just a little bit more depth to it.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?  That I’m nice and approachable.

Do you feel protective over someone?  My friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear?  Heat Rush.

Where did your vehicle come from?  My parents got it for me as a high school grad gift.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?  I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007, and back then I was designated as a flower girl lol. I’ve never been to a wedding where I was chosen to be a bridesmaid.

What is your favorite way to eat chicken?  CHICKEN SANDWICH. Also chicken wings.

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:  Oreo cheesecake topped with 24 macarons.

What do you wear to bed?  Something thin and airy.

What were you doing at 8pm last night?  I was watching Bon Voyage.

[cassnottiel]

(i hope im not sending too many prompts, i have so many deke feels after tonight so im throwing them at you, if its too much ignore me!!) maybe something where deke accidently talks about his childhood a bit to fitzsimmons? like, an expansion of what we know in canon and how horrible it was. like (forgive me if im wrong my s5 memory isnt perfect lol) but im pretty sure he was a slave for a huge part of his life and that isnt spoken about much

Jemma Simmons was having as good of a day she could, having just time traveled and being a fugitive of the law, hiding in a huge underground bunker nobody knew about.

Her day got immensely worse when she entered the Lighthouse lab and saw the teams newest member, and her grandson from the future, digging a knife into his own arm.

"Deke!"  Jemma rushed forward, grabbing a towel and going to take the knife away from him.

Deke Shaw looked up, breaking his concentrated grimace with a slightly curious look.  "What?"

"What are you doing?"  Jemma wrapped his bloody wrist with the towel.

"I'm taking my metric out."  Deke set his knife down.  "Is that supposed to be a big deal?"

Jemma furrowed her brow, carefully pulled the bloody towel away and inspected the cut.  Sure enough, the circular metric was gone.  The work was careful and delicate, and there wasn't as much blood as there should have been for an inexperienced cut.

"I thought you were hurting yourself."  She said quietly.  "I'm sorry."

Deke awkwardly wiped his bloody left hand on his pants.  "It's fine, don't worry."

"Where did you learn to do this with such precision?" Jemma leaned down to look at the cut more carefully.  It looked like it was made by an experienced surgeon.

Deke shrugged and grabbed a roll of bandages from the table next to him.  "I picked it up as a kid.  My mom was kind of like the doctor of the Lighthouse."

"This is amazing work."  Jemma complimented.  "But, doesn't it hurt?"

"Not really, no."  Deke shook his head and started unrolling the bandages.  "I have a high pain tolerance."

Jemma quickly grabbed the bandages and started wrapping his wrist for him.  "Really?"  She looked at him with concern.  "Since when?"

Deke carelessly wiped the blood off the blade of his version of Fitzs multi tool with a small smile.  "Oh, you know.  The Kree weren't exactly benevolent leaders."  He retracted the blade and put the knife in his pocket, smiling like he just made a hilarious joke.

Jemmas hands froze as she thought about the implications behind that statement.  Deke took the opportunity to finish wrapping his wrist and start walking out.  

"Bye, Nana!"  He called cheerfully over his shoulder as he crossed the threshold of the door.

- - -

Fitz sighed and slammed his fist on the door.  Locked.  All the system updates that locked down the Lighthouse were getting very annoying.

"What's wrong?"  Deke Shaw, Fitzs overeager grandson from the future, was leaning against the concrete wall.

"Bloody door's locked again."  Fitzs frustration was abundant in his voice.  "I need to get to the other end of the level."  He held up a satchel full of papers he needed to get to the lab.

Deke smiled.  "I can help."  He walked over to the vent on the floor, slid his fingers between the grates and pulled.  He set it against the wall and gestured to the new hole in the wall.  "Do you have a problem with small spaces?"

Fitz stared.  "You want me to crawl through the vent?"

"I know my way through the whole vent system, I can get you anywhere you need to go."  Deke crouched down and looked through the dark tunnel, then up at his grandfather.  "Unless you want to wait?"

Fitz sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, then gestured to the vent.  "Lead the way."

The vent shafts were larger than Fitz thought they would be, not quite wide enough for the two men to sit side by side, but tall enough for them to sit comfortably.  But, they did not sit.  Fitz could barely keep up with Deke, despite only being a few years older.

"Deke, slow down."  Fitz called ahead, leaning back on his heals.  

Deke stopped and turned around.  "Sorry."  He said sheepishly and crawled back to Fitz.  

"Why are you in such a rush?"  Fitz cracked his stiff neck.

"Force of habit, sorry."  Deke apologized again.  "I'm usually running when I'm in here."

That set off an alarm bell in Fitzs mind.  "Running?"

"Yeah," Deke said like he wasn't talking about something important, "the Blues had some sort of vendetta against me or something.  I think people made bets on how far I could go without getting caught."  Fitz stared in shock.  "My record is four levels."

"Were you okay when that happened?"  Fitz asked carefully.

"No, of course not."  Deke turned his head away.  "Let's get going, you said you have something important, right?"

He did not wait for an answer, just started off in the direction that would lead to the lab.  Fitz sighed, filed away that information to talk to his wife about later, and followed his grandson

- - -

"Ta-da!"  Deke kicked the grate of the vent out and climbed out.  He stood up and spread his arms out to show off his feat of navigation.

"Thank you, Deke."  Fitz tossed his satchel to his grandson before climbing out and fixing the vent cover over the gaping hole.  "I think I'll just wait next time."

Deke shrugged and handed the satchel over.  "I get that.  I usually only used the vents if I was in real danger."

"But you . . ." Fitz frowned, "you memorized the whole layout?"

"You've seen this place in eighty years."  Deke started casually walking to the lab.  "You know how often 'real danger' is."

Fitz stood frozen for a few seconds, staring at the back of his grandsons head.  Then, he practically ran to the lab.

"Jemma," Fitz ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the open door, "has Deke said anything that's made you concerned in the time you've known him?"

Jemma looked up from what she was doing, worry flitting across her face.  "What did he tell you?"

"Did you know that our grandson has the ventilation schematics memorized?"  Fitz walked forward and lowered his voice.  "Just in case he needed to run from the Kree."  

Jemmas eyes widened.  "Oh, my God."

"What did he tell you?"  Fitz sat on one of the cots, the papers of research all but forgotten at his side.

"I found him digging his own metric out of his arm with a knife."  Jemma leaned in, like this conversation was a secret to keep from the rest of the base.  "But it didn't seem to hurt him, he told me he has a high pain tolerance."  She sighed.  "He implied the Kree would hurt him regularly, and he said it like it was no big deal."

Fitz sighed and scratched his neck. "What should we do?"  He looked up his wife.  "He shouldn't live in this world and expect it to be just like his."

Jemma nodded.  "None of us are really qualified to act as therapists, but we should talk to him."

"I know this isn't the place I grew up in."  

Both Fitz and Simmons spun around to look at the source of the voice.  Deke was standing in the door.

"Deke!"  Jemma stepped forward, as if to act like she wasn't just talking about him.

"I'm not naive."  Deke continued.  "I know this isn't the Lighthouse I'm used to."

Fitz put his hands up in a placating manor.  "We never m--"

"I don't make a big deal out of my past because I don't want you guys to make a big deal out of it."  Deke cut Fitz off.  "I know my childhood was messed up.  Believe me, I know."

"Why don't you want us to make a big deal about it?"  Jemma asked.  "You went through Hell."

"Yeah."  Deke nodded.  "I did.  But this isn't the same place, and I want to move on with my life."

"Deke," Fitz started calmly, "it's not that easy."

"You can't just bottle everything away and expect to be fine."  Jemma added.  

"I'm very good at compartmentalizing."  Deke crossed his arms.

"Compartmentalization isn't good for you."  Fitz said.  "Trust me, it's not."

Deke sighed.  "If you knew what it was like to grow up in this place, you wouldn't want to think about it either."

Jemma walked over and placed her hand on her grandsons shoulder.  "There are some things in life you have to face to move past."

"I am moving past things."  Deke said stubbornly.  "I'm making new, better memories where all the bad things in my life happened."

"Trauma doesn't work like that, Deke."  Fitz said as gently as he could.

Deke ran both his hands through his hair with a deep sigh.  "I shouldn't have said anything."  He stood up and turned to the door.

"Deke, wait."  Jemma grabbed his left arm.  "You don't have to forget everything about your past or reinvent yourself."

"But I want to."  Deke said very clearly.  "Kasius owned me, and I don't want to feel like his property anymore."

Jemma made sure keep her voice calm, she didn't want to escalate this.  "We've seen what he did, we know--"

"No, you don't know."  Deke snapped.  "He literally owned me.  After my dad was sent to the surface, Kasius and Sinara wanted to groom me into one of their deaf servants."

Jemma and Fitz looked at each other, then back at their grandson.

"You know what it's like."  He looked to Jemma.  "Having that-- that-- that thing in my ear is one of the worst things that's ever happened to me."

"You've had it?"  Jemmas voice went quiet.  "How old were you?"

"I was fourteen."  The fire in Dekes eyes never dampened.  "So, forgive me if I want to forget that part of my life."

"Deke," Fitz said slowly, reaching out, "you don't need to keep going, we understand."

Deke sighed again, more aggressively, showing the frustration he was feeling.  "Do you?"  He asked.  "You all were there for a few weeks, maybe.  I was born there, raised there.  I spent the first twenty-eight years of my life in that apocalyptic hellscape!"  He gestured wildly around the room.  "And I'm still here!  Even when there's a rest of the world out there, I'm here, in the place I watched my whole family die."

"Deke . . ." neither grandparent knew how to handle this.  It seemed that this was the first time he got to really talk about his past traumas in a serious way.

Deke sat down on one of the cots tiredly.  "I watched you both die."  He whispered, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"What?!"  Jemma was at his side in seconds, Fitz not far behind.

"When I was nine, Kasius got rid of everyone who believed in the prophecy.  All the smart people."  Deke forced himself to steady his breath and closed his eyes.  "They killed everyone in the middle of the Exchange, to make an example."  He looked up at Jemma, then Fitz, then at the concrete floor.  "They took my mom, and my moms parents."

"I--" Fitz clenched his fists at his side.  "I'm sorry, Deke."  He said quietly.  He lifted his hand and carefully, comfortingly, rubbed Dekes back between the shoulder blades.

"We're going to make sure that world will never exist."  Jemma promised.  "So the next version of you to exist will never go through that."

Suddenly, Deke threw his arms around Jemma and Fitz.  He pulled them into a tight hug and finally let the tears he had been holding in for God knows how long fall.  Deke buried his face in the soft fabric of Fitz shirt as his shuddering breaths shook his whole frame.  Both grandparents immediately returned the hug.  It was a hug from a child who had lost his family too young, had been alone for too long.

As unconventional as this new family was, they loved each other.  And this family kept their promises, no matter how far they need to go.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-15

More Homestuck, continuing directly from last time.  Gonna Bang Out A Liveblog Quick (GbOALq)…

No chapter title this time, just straight continuation.  (By the way, I didn’t reblog it so spoilers don’t headline my blog but this post regarding last upd8 is delightful)

> (==>)

Okay, this makes more sense as to why they both disappeared -- Vrissy is either trying to get her back or is going along and just being grousy about it, or one under the pretense of the other or the like.

By the way, if Rose specifically planned in a way that involved telling Vriska to sit on the sidelines and not doing anything, shouldn’t she ABSOLUTELY KNOW, one-hundred percent with a combination of her Seer of Light powers and common sense, that Vriska will Not Do That?  --so whatever Vriska is about to do I’m going to assume Rose has accounted for it, unless she’s like...

...sworn off using her powers much, or something.  That would super suck and I would hate for that to be in this story regardless of themes.

Vriska Maryam-Lalonde, recently "Vrissy," and potentially "You Are So Grounded You Are Never Leaving The House Again," isn’t what’s commonly referred to as an "outside girl".

She likes grass. It’s fine! To look at. And so are trees, as long as they’re somewhere off in the distance, swaying gently in the breeze. Trampling through them is not on the list of acceptable tree activities. Vrissy is already sweaty and dirt-streaked, and there’s probably like fifty gnats trying to drink her eye fluids. At this rate she almost envies Tavros his role as Batterwitch Bait. Sure, he has to pretend to be threatened by Vrissy’s mom, which is lame as hell and also very embarrassing, but at least his eye fluids are safe.

So she’s fine with this in principle, just not with the work involved? Or--

VRISSY: Hey, can you slow Down a Little? VRISSY: I have to run over Shru8s and shit, I can’t Fly! VRISKA: Hah! And who’s fault is that???????? VRISSY: My shitty 8iology I guess! VRISSY: Sorry, not all of Us had SGRU8 Sessions to make ourselves Immortal. VRISKA: Well, we’ll take care of that, don’t even worry a8out it. VRISSY: Lol I wish.

Oh Christ, we really should have seen it coming.  OF COURSE VRISKA is going to get her hands on a copy of the Game and try and have these kids play it, regardless of whatever meteor-based consequences to this happy society.  FUCK.  She doesn’t even see any reason to hide it!

--reading on, some discussion of how people on Earth C view the ability to fly unaided as a sort of religious thing so shot down Roxy’s idea of letting everyone fly.  Why does society always keep trying to shut down Roxy all the time

VRISKA: Really, we have to get you a god tier. That’s pretty much the only solution at this point. VRISKA: Ideally we’d go back to when you were a wiggler and start your training right away, 8ut that’s not exactly an option. So god tier it is. VRISSY: Is that even Possi8le? outside of the Game? VRISKA: Nope. 8ut we don’t have to worry a8out that, once we get back into SGRU8. VRISSY: What???

This is what you get for letting Vriska back into your story:  She starts another meteor apocalypse and destroys your Happily Ever After.  Fuck.

VRISKA: We have to start this shit over again, you have all let it get so out of hand there’s really nothing to do besides a hard reset.

NO.  Fuck you.  You just don’t like hard work.

(I know everything is accidentally going to end up working out “alright” whatever happens, but even if Vriska’s self-aggrandizing malfeasance HAPPENS to be the cause of it, I really, really don’t want her fucking ideology to be the cause of it.  She shouldn’t be Aesma of Kill Six Billion Demons mythology, she’s had too many flirtations with ACTUALLY learning a lesson and BEING EARNEST ABOUT IT to be the selfish chaos at the heart of victory and living.)

(Yes, I recently caught up with KSBD and it’s awesome.)

> (==>)

VRISKA: This is a perfect spot for a fight. An am8ush point. VRISSY: !! VRISKA: Don’t worry about it, that’s good. That’s what we’re looking for.

Vriska leveraging her luck and assuming they’ll be followed when she wants to be.

> (==>)

That’s a really, really damn good waiting-for-an-ambush image.  Pretty hilarious.

(Still having a background mental fit about how this HS2 crew might REALLY be trying to make Vriska the Aesma of the Homestuck “universe” which is just aaaAAAUGH NOBODY SHOULD WANT THAT.  I’ll be really unhappy with the end product of THIS ENTIRE HS2 PROCESS if they pull that shit, no matter what side benefits there are or how happily it ends.  Hell, ESPECIALLY if it ends happily.  They’re having fun elevating her somewhat more than most people agree she deserves but they shouldn’t elevate her TO THAT LEVEL. EDIT3: More discussion on that here if you don't know what I mean.)

> (==>)

VRISKA: This is actually way more fun than I thought it would 8e. VRISKA: 8ringing around a younger, dum8er me. VRISSY: I think we’re 8asically the Same Age. VRISKA: Whatever!

(Fuck you!)  :)

> (==>)

wait what the fuck--

MANDATED HAIRSTYLES?????

what the fuck!???

EDIT: plausible theory here

> (==>)

Vrissy is that fuzzy dice kind what the hell

> (==>)

Circle, fifteen guys, no special significance that i can detect

> (==>)

Oh is War Shit kinda poppin off alongside the whole church thing?

> (==>)

Colorful ship design, weird zoomout frame transition; something wasn’t smooth with that

Anyway is orbital bombardment gonna happen or?

> (==>)

JOHN: vriska! JOHN: i mean, vriskas!! JOHN: where are JOHN: oh fuck

yeap

> (==>)

Is John flying out under the ship away from the house?  That’s really irresponsible.  (And abruptly transitioned, I didn’t realize it happened at first.  KEYFRAME THINGS BETTER AUGH)

--why is that belly button window still there?  I thought we had a line about Harry fixing his outfit, or at least having the capability to, did they not have time to finish?  Let me check, that’s bugging me:

HARRY: plus i wouldn’t have been able to get your measurements for some clothes that actually fit you if we hadn’t come back here where all my sewing stuff is.

Oh GOT IT.  Harry TOOK his measurements, but hasn’t fixed his outfit yet.

> (==>)

JOHN WHY DID YOU GO ALL THE WAY TO THE CHURCH WHO THE FUCK IS PROTECTING THE KIDS

> (==>)

Okay you’re back at Your House instead of Roxy’s house?

What, going to fight the ship or

I mean you could but you’re kind of forgetting what was the most important damn thing a few panels ago you jackass

> (==>)

Is that a bomb or fucking take out??

Why blow up John’s HOUSE that’s just so petty

> (==>)

ka-house

(pretty)

about time John stopped languishing in his childhood home instead of living life, anyway.

> (==>)

(o no i didnt want john to be sad tho)

it’s fine, he’ll be angry next panel or so

> (==>)

UM THE WHOLE SKY IS GETTING DARK???? HOW LONG ARE YOU SITTING HERE AND LETTING THIS BURN OUT???

HOW MANY HOURS ARE YOU LEAVING THOSE KIDS UNPROTECTED YOU GOLDFISH MEMORY CHUCKLEFUCK

> (==>)

APPARENTLY ALL OF THE HOURS BECAUSE IT’S NIGHT NOW YOU ASS

and that’s the last panel

yknow if we are going to have an arc about john learning to be a slightly more responsible parent it would help if it SHOWED HIM LEARNING ANYTHING

GOODNIGHT

EDIT2: Anonymous asked: "I think the whole "John watches his house burn down" is more him coming to terms with who Jane has become. In the last update they mentioned how Rose(I think it was Rose) baited Jane into believing John and the kids were hiding out at his place, and Jane just destroyed it, so he's coming to terms with the fact that she just tried to kill not only John and Vriska, but the kids too."

Oh shit. I forgot about that from the previous update: "JOHN: but rose sent out some false intel about us heading toward my house, so technically this is the safest place we can be right now, since they cleared the area and everything." He really does have to come to terms with the fact that Jane just tried to murder them all, too, so shit is definitely real.

...Which makes the fact that he didn't rush off to guard the kids in response to THAT NEW FACT still pretty galling, but.

[aliceslantern]

Grow, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 13--Epilogue

Suddenly human and abandoned in the Keyblade Graveyard, Demyx struggles to survive and come to terms with what his life is. Only by chance is he saved from exposure, and brought to Radiant Garden to recover. Unsure of who he is and where to even begin, Demyx finds a kindred spirit in Ienzo, and before long finds perhaps he isn't the only one lost in this new life. But how can they move forward with so much holding them back?

Roughly canonverse, Zemyx, hurt/comfort. Started for Zemyx day (9/6). Updates Wednesdays until it's done.

Chapter summary: Edym and Ienzo continue to grow.

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

It wasn’t all sunshine and roses.

The more time passed, the more trickling memories came back. The picture Edym got was never clear , exactly. More like brief flashes of insight. Fighting Heartless with his sister. Getting his ass kicked again and again.

Learning music.

It was their mother that taught him, that suggested maybe he shouldn’t follow in Elrena’s footsteps. Edym had always heard music in things, found himself gravitating towards it. Once it was well and truly in his life, it was like a hole had been filled.

But the more insight Edym had into Elrena, the angrier and more hurt he felt about how Larxene had treated Demyx. They’d both been amnesiac, but how or why had that relationship mutated to hatred? Had something else happened? Did she just feel that betrayed by him not joining her?

Would he ever know?

For a long while his life fell into a steady--mostly pleasant--rhythm. Work, gardening, time with Ienzo. It was all so painfully ordinary. Not that Edym minded that, at all. Waking up next to him was worth all the pain he’d gone through.

The others gradually got used to his presence, their relationship. The more Edym thought about it, the less he really wanted to find the place that was once home--especially if it meant leaving Ienzo. Maybe someday they would live in their own little house, with a cat or a dog. With or near friends. But for now… what they had was fine as it is. There was no need to rush into anything serious.

Edym and Ienzo… began to grow.

It was hard to leave behind that time in the Organization, especially because so much of Edym’s sense of self came from Demyx. And Ienzo had spent the majority of his childhood as a Nobody. Figuring out who they were and what humanity all meant was dazzling and confusing. The more his flickers of memories came back, the stranger Edym felt. He’d been soft, but he’d also been so young . He knew something awful had happened to their home, and, more likely, it had all happened a lot longer ago than anyone thought. But how, or why, Xemnas had found them was anyone’s guess.

“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do to help,” Even told him. “Aside from patiently waiting for those memories to come back… we can’t look into what happened to your world without knowing what it’s called.”

Edym knew this was true. It still put a sour seed in his chest. He thought of his sister, of Larxene. Harder still to grieve someone who was likely alive. But where was she? How would she feel seeing him again? Did she even care?

“I know it’s easier said than done,” Ienzo said softly, one night after they made love. “But you have to stop torturing yourself.”

“I know. I’m trying. I just…”

“Want closure.”

“Well. Yeah.” Don’t you ? He almost asked.

“I know. I wish I could… take that pain from you.”

“I just have this feeling that she’s alive, and I-- even if we just… hash things out, I don’t know.”

“I can’t say I relate totally,” Ienzo said. “But I know how it is to… lose people to the unknown.”

“Your parents?”

He nodded. “I scarcely have any memory of them anymore. My memories used to be so--achingly sharp.” He touched his brow. “Now, not so much. To take a page from Ansem’s book… if you’re meant to find each other again, you will. You have to trust in that.”

“You really believe that?”

He sighed, and smiled. “Call me crazy, but I do.” Ienzo kissed him. “Want some tea?”

---

Time passed. Edym kept waiting for the other shoe to drop--for things to get complicated and messy again. But they didn’t. Even eventually replaced the other kidney. He grew closer to the members of the restoration committee, became friends with them. When Scrooge offered him the opportunity to manage the post office instead of just work it, he took it. It felt nice to do something that had a positive impact, for once.

He was sweeping up one day after close when he heard the doorbell. They’d recently moved shop away from the strange little bazaar into their own building. “Sorry, we’re closed. Drop your mail in the box outside. I’ll handle it first thing.”

“Look at you, a cog in the machine.”

Edym froze. Very slowly, he turned.

“...Don’t look at me like that. Whose idea were the glasses? Almost makes you look not stupid.”

He made a strange noise. “How did you--when--I--”

Elrena looked tired, her skin sallow. “It’s a long and ultimately very boring story,” she said. She picked up a book of stamps, looked at it with something like distaste, and set it down. She was still wearing the black coat, he noticed. “Xigbar didn’t bite it, you know.”

He gripped at his elbow. “Yeah. I know. He almost killed me.”

“Really? I thought there was a--I don’t know. Rapport, or something, between you two. He was one of the only ones who could stand you.”

Edym blinked. Seeing her, he felt something a whole lot more complicated than he thought. Not relief. Not happiness. “So he found you and brought you here?”

“...Something like that. He said this was where you ended up.”

Edym shook his head slowly. “You wanted to see me?”

She smirked. “Call me sentimental, but yeah, I did. Was wicked weird when I found out. Lauriam just thought it was hilarious. Marluxia,” she clarified.

“So he’s around too.” Edym set the broom aside. “Well. Good for him, I guess.”

There was a pause. Elrena cleared her throat. “You’re going to snitch about Xigbar, aren’t you?”

“Probably. Yeah.”

“...Is it bad I kind of want you to?”

“More pot stirring?”

“More pot stirring.” She grinned. “It’s what I do best.”

“So what are you two doing with him, anyway?”

“Honestly? I’m not completely sure. But I’m helping Lauriam look for someone, and then after that… well. The World is our oyster.”

Without ceremony, Edym said, “Stelitzia.”

“Oh, you remembered that much?”

Woodenly, he nodded.

“Lauriam thought he remembered someone getting her killed. But considering that nobody in this fucking world seems to stay dead… well.” She shrugged.

“Why are you telling me all this?”

She dropped her eyes. “Like I said. All this talk of his sister… had me feeling sentimental. And that’s so not cool. I thought if I saw you it’d stop.”

“Did it?”

“Don’t know.”

Edym let out a slow breath. “How long are you in town?”

“Not long.” She took another few steps towards him. “If you want, you can come with us.”

He laughed. “No. No way in hell. Sorry.”

“Worth a shot.”

“Why would you want me anyway?”

“You could see her again.”

Edym put his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want to leave what I have here. I… I’m happy, you know? I feel like I’m… starting to finally do more good things than bad. My life is here. Whatever we had before, as kids. I don’t think it was a life.”

Her eyes darkened. “No,” she said in a low voice. “It wasn’t.”

“You could have a life here too,” he said. “Or… not here, anywhere you want. You don’t have to go along with Lauriam and Xigbar. You could choose.” He offered his hand, and for a breath thought she might take it.

Elrena smirked. Shook her head. “Nah,” she said. “I’ve got things to do. People to see.”

“And undermine?”

“With any luck.”

Edym nodded. His heart settled in his chest. “Just don’t get yourself killed again,” he said. “And slug Xigbar good for me, okay?”

“Maybe. He does always seem to be asking for it.”

There was a pause, longer than the last. “You’ll be okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. I really will.”

“Well, okay. Then I’ll stop worrying.”

“You were worrying ?”

“Come on, Edym. We all know you’re not great at planning for the long term.”

“Maybe I’ve changed.”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I should go. My ride’s waiting.” She headed towards the door.

“Wait--Elrena--”

She turned, her lips pursed.

“Why did our Nobodies hate each other so much? Cause I don’t think I hate you now.”

She thought about it for a moment, her teal eyes flashing. “The last time we saw each other, we fought,” she said. “Can’t tell you for my life about what.”

“About the cult,” he said, with clarity.

“The Dandelions,” she corrected.

“I didn’t want you to leave me.”

“And I didn’t want to have to baby my brother.” She shook her head. “Well. Turns out that never happened. You were stuck with me. Maybe I resented that.”

Edym nodded.

“And being a Nobody makes you angry for no reason anyway ,” she said, more lightly. “Does that answer your question?”

“I think so.”

“Then I should go.” For a second, it seemed like she might touch him.

“You have a phone?” he asked.

“What, one of those dumb things? What kinda budget do you think we’re working with?” A grin.

“...Right. Well.” He took a deep breath. “I guess… if I see you, I see you. And if I don’t…”

“Yep.” She put her hand on her hip. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, either.”

“And hey. If I really need something, I’ll just write.” She winked. “Bye, Edym.”

“Bye, Elrena.”

When she left, she didn’t look back.

---

Edym sat heavily on the blanket. His joints hurt from a long day of work. It was his turn to bring the picnic, but instead of cooking, he’d been too tired, so he’d just gotten takeout from Ienzo’s favorite place. He hoped that would suffice.

“I know I’m late,” Ienzo called. “Even was being very--” He cut himself off, his eyes wide. He looked around the courtyard slowly. “When did you have the time--”

“I’ve been here almost all day.” His face flushed.

Ienzo walked around slowly, touching the new plants in their pots. The orchids. The lanterns Edym had hung around the peripherals of the property. He’d tried to repair some of the stonework in the floor, too, but accepted that he was a terrible mason. Ienzo turned to look at him. “Why did you--”

“We’ve been spending a lot of time here. I wanted to… make it nice.” He stood, wincing at the ache in his hips. “Aeleus helped me with this.” He reached over behind the old fountain to turn on the pump.

“This must’ve taken hours--days,” he said. He shook his head. “Edym, I--” He touched one of the orchids. “You even remembered these.”

“I wanted to do something nice for you. It is your birthday,” he pointed out.

Ienzo jerked.

“Did you forget?”

“I did entirely,” he admitted. “Time doesn’t pass in that cursed lab.” He wrinkled his nose. “Thank you.” He leaned in to kiss him. “Really. Thank you.”

He shrugged, the blush in his face getting hotter. “I… liked doing it. Let’s eat, okay?”

They did.

“...You know, you don’t have to work in that lab,” Edym said.

“It has been wearing on me lately,” Ienzo admitted. “But I have to be able to… do good work. Good things. It’s the only way I can sleep at night.”

Edym squeezed his hand. “No need for you to suffer doing something you hate.”

Ienzo shook his head. “I don’t hate it,” he said. “Knowing that I’m doing something worthwhile does feel good.”

“But it’s the coworkers that suck?”

Ienzo grimaced. “Quite. At least Even is at least partially distracted by the research work you’ve given him. He’s been criticizing my coding like his doesn’t look two or three languages behind.”

Edym chuckled.

Ienzo set down his bowl. “You know…” he began. “This life is no longer feeling quite so strange.”

“Isn’t that good?”

“I think so.” He put a hand to his chest. “I was worried that humanity would never feel quite right. Everything still overwhelms me. But… at least that sensation isn’t always negative anymore.”

Edym kissed him. They rested there together for a while longer.

“I mean, this whole mess only began because of my poor self-control,” Ienzo continued.

“ Hey. I don’t think we’re messy .”

“We’re a little messy,” Ienzo said.

“Well. I’m glad that it all happened. I feel like you’ve… helped me.”

“The feeling is mutual,” he said. He sighed. “Hopefully our next mistakes are equally fruitful.”

“Har har.”

Ienzo leaned back against him. For a while, neither of them said anything; they didn’t have to. “Shall we head back?” Ienzo asked. “I could use some--ah--stress relief.”

Edym smirked. “You got it.” He kissed him, longer this time. “Let’s go home.”

[xfanfics]

Destiel Fic Rec List Part 7

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity.  Listed in no particular order - the total rec list will have ~250 fics. Header graphic used with permission.

This part of the list contains: 39 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].

Bare Your Throat and Have Me by highermagic E | 4k | AU, PWP,  a/b/o

Castiel and Dean have only been mated for a few months, but Dean knows how this goes by now.

Deterioration by highermagic E | 33k | Hot,  AU, Cop!Dean, Mystery

Dean has a gift – he can see things. Things that others wouldn't see, motive and calm control between the splatters of blood and fractured mirrors. He solves crimes others simply can't. When bodies are piling up all around him, Dean starts to feel as though he's drowning in it, falling under the weight of his own helpless observations, until he finds something unbreakable. Unwavering. Castiel – if only the man was as good for him as he appears.

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | Fluff, Teacher AU, Librarian Cas

Human AU. Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only.

Angel-Cuffed by Luciel89 E | 15k | CANON!verse

Dean wakes up to find himself handcuffed to his angel. Both are annoyed, Sam finds it hilarious and awkward situations await them. But the longer they're tied together, the more things between them start to change...

The Bet List ❤ by StevieCas M | 55k | Fluff,  AU, Underage, wing!kink

"That bet list was the worst thing you've ever come up with, Gabe. If it wasn't for it, I would never have thought about such things. It's bad enough being an earthbound angel, it's bad enough being considered a weirdo even by angel standards. Did I have to be gay as well? Do I even represent a minority or is it just me out there?

I love the world of this fic--and Dean and Cas' relationship dynamic is perfect.    

Ad Astra ❤ by nhixxie T | 17k | Angst

One day Cas says, "Stars died for you, Dean Winchester", against ruffled hair perched atop sun kissed skin and sleepy eyes. Dean stirs, moving to spread his palms against the contour of Cas’ back, tips of fingers languidly strumming the indentations of his spine. One, two, three, four, he counts, the closest he could get to scientifically studying the anatomy of the human body. "Is this some physics crap again?" He frowns with eyes closed. Cas smiles softly. "Far from it. "Dean’s fingers play at the base of his back, ninth thoracic vertebrae, Cas notes. "Then tell me all about it.”

Read it and weep. If this were published, I would buy it.    

Sensitive by nevergotwings E | 1k | wing!kink

Curiosity sparks when Dean gets the urge to touch Castiel's wings.

An Exercise in 'Worthless' ❤ by beastofthesky

M | 26k | AU, Tattoos

"I mean, you’re–" He gestures at Cas, in his neat oxford shirt and nice pants. “–and I’m a high school dropout who tattoos for a living." Wherein Dean makes a hefty living as a tattoo artist who owns the space next to Gabriel's cafe. Sam attends the local university. When Gabe's cousin comes to live with him while starting grad school at Sam's university, Dean thinks for sure that all his negative karma's coming to bite him in the ass because Cas clearly has a thing for Sam. No one would ever choose him over Sam. That's just logic.

Perfection everywhere. Dean's lack of self-worth is explored, and there are tattoos.    

Of ties and wings by perpetuallycaffinated E | 4k | Hot,  PWP, wing!kink

Jealousy, ties and and impatient angel. Also, wings.

pie | by perpetuallycaffinated E | 3k | Hot,  PWP

Dean uses pie to eat out Castiel. That's pretty much it.

I Say, But I Mean by inplayruns T | 4k | Coffee Shop AU

Dean runs a bed & breakfast. Cas works in a coffeeshop.

Heavenly Delights by TamrynEradani T | 2k | Fluff, Coffee Shop AU

Gabriel owns Heavenly Delights, the coffee shop Cas works at and on the day before Thanksgiving, Cas sees someone looking down so he brings him a hot chocolate, and Gabriel conspires to get them together.

New Eyes by ozzutly E | 1k | Canon!Verse

Dean sees Castiel's true form. He decides he likes it.

Resonance by definitely_indecisive G | 1k | Canon!Verse, Soul Bond

The battered and abused presence had poked warily out, almost as if expecting harm. He let his grace drift forward to meet the soul instantly, putting off all of the warmth he could muster. The presence seemed to stutter for a second, before melding itself into Castiel's grace. He allowed the soul to do so, cradling it with his core. He could feel the tiredness and abuse from the poor thing, yet also the amazing light it gave off as it started to slowly heal because of his grace. He could tell this was the most unique soul he had ever met, and that he wouldn't forget the feeling of the presence for all of millennia.

My Roots Take Flight by KismetJeska M | 125k | Reverse!verse, s4 AU

After forty years in Hell, Dean’s more than willing to accept the offer: become a guardian angel and earn his freedom. But his new ward seems destined to hunt alongside Sam, and there are secrets in Heaven that the angels don’t want found out. Dean’s going to have to choose between his duty and the people he loves- and to work out just where Castiel fits in.

Angel Airlines by dancingloki E | 19k | Hot, Airline AU

Dean is an airline pilot with a raging hard-on for his head flight attendant. Fluffy fluffy fluff.

El Tango de Amor by literaryoblivion E | 16k | AU, Fluff,  Angst,

Every Tuesday and Thursday, Dean leaves, is gone for two to three hours, and comes home sweaty and exhausted to the apartment he and his brother Sam share. Sam had asked him where he went once, and Dean had said he was working out, which technically wasn’t a lie. What he was doing was definitely giving him a workout, just not in the traditional sense. In all actuality though, Dean was leaving every Tuesday and Thursday for a dance class. A dance class taught by a one Castiel Novak.

Ugly Sweater!Verse ❤ ❤ by nerdylittledude E | 193k  | Canon!verse,Fluff,  Post s5

If they really go back and think about it... it all started with a tree. A Christmas tree, that is. Castiel is human now, and the apocalypse is not only over, it's been averted. Sam's away at NYU, finally finishing law school, and Dean's stuck in what is probably the most awkward situation of his life. He's not exactly sure how he ended up sharing a flat with Cas in Media, Pennsylvania, but he does know the curious would-be angel is sort of derailing his plans for a life of decadence and booze. Cas is trying to make the best of his humanity by exploring human holidays. Dean can't exactly complain because he's pretty much the reason Cas got his wings clipped in the first place. Dean didn't actually want to fall in love, but how was he supposed to know it would all start with a goddamn tree?

 My favorite fic ever. I don't know how many times I've read it. There is switching, fluff, angst, and slow building romance. I will rec this forever.    

More Than Alien Mojo by remivel

E | 29k | Men in Black AU, Fluff,

Dean was one of Men in Black's best agents. In fact, he's been knee deep in extraterrestrial crap his whole life, and he's gone through more apocalypses than he could care to remember. He thought he's seen it all-- until he and his partner, Sam, were sent out to a routine meteorite crash inspection. What was supposed to be a meteorite turned out to be a golden spaceship, and instead of hitchhiking intergalactic pathogens, it was an alien that took the form of a human male. A very naked human male. Soon, they discovered that this alien named 'Castiel' was a refugee from a war-torn galaxy.The first of his kind to ever venture to Earth, Castiel agreed to share information about his galaxy and his race in exchange for his relocation on Earth. The only catch was: since Castiel was a new alien species, nobody knew what he was capable of, whether he was as harmless as E.T., or as dangerous as the Predator. And it was Dean's job to keep an eye on him and assess just how much of a threat Castiel could be, and if necessary, eliminate him. It wasn't a job Dean was looking forward to doing. Especially since he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off him, naked or not.

Come On With the Rain by remivel E | 36k | High School AU, dubcon

When Castiel was 15, his life changed. In one tragic instant, he lost his parents, and he was forced to live with his Uncle Bobby in Lawrence, Kansas. There he met the Winchester boys, Sam and Dean, who were living next door. He thought Sam was pleasant, and Dean, well, Dean was special. Three years passed and Castiel’s relationship with the boys developed in an unexpected way. Sam became his best friend. But Dean was a different story. Dean was not Castiel’s friend. He was a neighbor, a classmate, the brother of Castiel’s best friend, and the guy who worked part time at his uncle’s salvage yard. That was all. But on the rare times that Dean asked Castiel for help, Castiel couldn’t find it in him to turn him down. Because this was Dean. And the answer would never be “no” when it came to Dean.

Crossroads State by Mercy M | 51k | AU

Castiel has a nice predictable structured life teaching high school, even if he happens to be overqualified for it. Then this guy moves in around the corner and literally knocks him on his ass.

Heart of Glass by omphalos E | 17k | Canon!Verse

He's the one who was punished, severely, because of his feelings for Dean, but who still gave up everything for him in the end. Surely there should exist between them a better level of comprehension than this.

Domesticated by kototyph E | 15k | AU

Being the only angel in the entire Pacific Northwest can be tiring, even if these days Castiel spends more of his time shoveling manure than fighting off the hordes of hell. It's an occupational hazard, unfortunately; he earns most of his living rehabilitating wild animals a few miles outside Spokane. Wild animals like Dean, for instance— a mountain lion who's entirely too smart for his own good. There's a man in Castiel's dreams named Dean too, but that part's just a huge coincidence.

Excite by perpetuallycaffinated E | 3k | Crack, wing!kink

"Sam Winchester, I am going to carnally worship your brother whether you are in this room or not.

Snapshots 'Verse ❤ by highermagic E | 60k [WIP] | AU, Wing!kink, a/b/o, omega!dean

A series of one-shots following the meeting, courting and eventual love between an Angel doctor named Castiel and an Angel teacher by the name of Dean.

Less of a WIP, more of a series of one-shots. Rowan's worldbuilding is lovely, and the sex is perfect as usual. EDIT: Apparently this has been removed.

Angel's Wild ❤ by riseofthefallenone E | 389k | AU, H/C, Wing!kink

But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels. Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right? That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Perfection. Go read it now.    

Sharing Hands by almaasi E | 6k | Hot, Canon!Verse

Dean feels something strange when he touches himself, and realises Cas has been using him as a vessel ever since he came back from Purgatory.

The Good Samaritan Rule by manic_intent E | 6k | AU, wing!kink

Written for deancaskink: "Dean and Castiel are both angels and brothers-in-arms. During a battle, Cas's wings get hurt and [it's] up to Dean to help him out. In the process, Cas finds out how sensitive his wings are and well Dean is Dean no matter what his form [is], so this leads to lovely first time sex." God never made humans. Instead, he made the angels in his image, and on the sixth day he made the is him, and gave them free will.

How (thanks to Gabriel) Dean and Castiel (accidentally) raised each other (and Sam) ❤ by Vera_Dragonmuse E | 69k | AU, Sam/Gabriel

In which, Gabriel meddles with the time line and Castiel becomes Dean's angel rather sooner than intended.

Out of the Deep ❤ by riseofthefallenone E | 488k | AU, h/c

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep. It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep. Castiel should have listened better.

It's long, but worth it.    

Feathers by brightly_lit M | 90k | Angst, Wing!kink, D/s

In an alternate season 5 scenario, Dean, Sam, and twenty of their closest hunter friends stopped the apocalypse by closing the gates to heaven, hell, and purgatory. Now working with his former hunter buddies at Ellen's security company, Dean doesn't know what to make of his weird new coworker who always wears a trenchcoat and leaves behind feathers everywhere he goes. He especially doesn't know that, cut off from the power of heaven, the constantly falling feathers mean his new friend is dying. "Creation cried out against the injustice of a righteous man in hell. I answered its cry.

Vita Nuova ❤ by wordaccordingtofangirls M | 61k | Teacher AU

AU. Dean Winchester takes a job as a teaching assistant to get his little brother into a prestigious academy. He doesn't quite expect such long nights and snobby kids, but the real surprise is professor Castiel Novak: or falling in love with him, that is.

Like a Parched Land by twoskeletons E | 8k | reverse!verse

Written for the following prompt: "Reverse!verse: Castiel is the Righteous Man and Dean is the angel who drags his ass out of Hell." This is an AU version of episodes 5x01 through 5x03.

The Cabin by bookkbaby E | 16k | Canon!Verse, Wing!kink

For an angel, the building of a Nest is sacred. Dean doesn't understand. Written for the 2013 DCBB.

Pies and Prejudice by linoresearch E | 97k | AU

Dean didn’t even want to enter this damn competition. He was happy with his life, more or less. It might not look like much from the outside, or to a younger brother headed towards a big time law career, but it wasn’t so bad that Dean needed to scrabble around for any opportunity to make a change – particularly not one as stupid as this. He’s going to throttle Sam the next time he sees him, for getting him involved in this ridiculous Bake-Off TV show. It’s bad enough that Dean has to cook in front of people he doesn’t know; he now has to go through the humiliation of being judged on it too. Its humiliation piled on humiliation, and to make matters worse Dean has to play nice with all the other suckers involved, like that rich dick-bag Castiel Novak. God, he hates that guy, and he hates that someone so awful has such a frustratingly fine ass. Written for the Dean/Castiel Big Bang 2013

The Breath of All Things ❤ by KismetJeska T | 65k | AU, H/C Angst,

Dean Winchester was twenty-six years old when a car accident killed his father and left him paralysed from the waist down. A year and a half later, Dean is in a wheelchair and lives in a care home in Kansas, where he spends his days waiting to die. It's only when Castiel Novak starts volunteering at the care home that Dean starts to wonder if a changed life always equals a ruined one.

So angsty, and so, so perfect.    

All the Way ❤ by cadignan E | 81k | College AU

Castiel spends the first two weeks of college in much the same way he spent the previous years: alone with his books. He’s fine with it—he enrolled in college to learn, after all. Then in his first chemistry lab, he has the bad luck of being paired with snide, good-for-nothing Ruby, and the further misfortune of sitting behind Dean Winchester, the world’s most beautiful distraction. Ruby catches Castiel staring at Dean and makes him an offer.

Destiel, Actually by Bloodism E | 15k | Crack Fluff,

Picture your typical rom-com cliché. Now picture Dean stuck in that rom-com cliché. With Castiel. Because that's what happening to him - a crazy whirlwind of your typical-and-not-so-typical cliché's. He's playing the main lead in all of them and Castiel's his counterpart. Of course, the culprit is obvious. Gabe's enjoying himself too much, lying back on his favourite cloud with a tub of salted popcorn. It was about time someone kicked the two knuckleheads into gear.

Suburban War by squeemonster E | 100k | High School AU

Moving to Lawrence with his family is the most significant event of Dean Winchester's life. It brings a stability he's never known, and the only thing to have more of a profound impact on him is Castiel Novak: the two boys become fast friends the day they meet. But as Dean grows older, he dreams for something beyond the monotony and constraints of suburbia, and he is haunted by the inexplicable feeling that he was born for something more than what this life offers. As he struggles to reconcile the person he yearns to be with what his family and friends expect of him, a fateful choice exposes just how fragile his life in the suburbs is, and possibly risks losing the best friend he's ever had.

[thought-42]

Fictober day 6: “that was impressive”

Critical Role,1461 words, vex, others. Mention of canonical minor character death. Part one of...more than one.

Vex'ahlia is not the sort of child to have imaginary friends. She grows up with her brother always at her side, with an attentive mother and the birds and rabbits in the woods as eager playmates. She never wants for company, and is only alone if she wishes to be. So, in the words of a frustrated, playing-at-adult Vax, it is 'fucking weird' that she's got four of them.

 She doesn't really remember ever being alone in her own head. They're not intrusive, and it's not as if they don't have lives of their own to lead, but if she wants someone to talk to there has always been a friend even nearer than her brother.

'I hate this,' she says, staring down at her notebook where she's scribbled a list of dates and names from history that she can't seem to keep straight. 'Why do we even have to learn this, anyway? They're all dead.'

'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it,' the Young Lord says, confidently. 'Or something like that.'

'How terrible for you, to have an education,' the Charmer says.

'Maybe try drawing pictures of all the people you have to remember,' the Princess offers. 'Give them funny hats.'

Vex blows out a frustrated breath and goes to find Vax so they can suffer together.

It's not that Vex thinks they're real people or anything. She's not a child. And perhaps it's indulgent to the point of stupidity to cling to such games as she gets older, but to leave them behind would feel ...wrong.

She tells Vax all about them when they're children, and he's delighted by the idea once he gets over his jealousy. He makes up people who live in his head, too, and for a while they spend their days gossiping about a whole network of acquaintances, like they're fancy merchants or royals in the city, calling on each other to sit around in a fancy parlour and drink tea while they update each other on the goings-on of all of their friends. But eventually, Vax's interest fades, and he forgets the people he's made up, moves on to other games.

'That's not actually how it works, you know,' the Young Lord tells her. 'It's not all fancy dress and tea parties.'

'Bullshit it's not,' says the Charmer.

'I mean... that is kind of how it works,' the Princess drawls, and Vex can hear the amusement in her voice.

When they're fourteen, Vax says he doesn't want to hear about her friends anymore. He tells her it's time to grow up. Says they'll have real problems soon enough.

'But I don't want you to grow up,' the Princess says, nervously. 'If I'm the only kid then it's just like everywhere else. You're the only other kid I know.'

'That seems...' the Young Lord doesn't finish his thought.

'Deeply fucked up,' the Charmer finishes it for him. Vex has to agree.

'Do you need help?' she asks.

The Princess laughs. 'Noooo, I am ok! My mama is just very protective because I am very special.'

Vex thinks of the stories she's read about Princesses in towers. 'Maybe start growing your hair out, just in case.'

'I have very weak arms, I'm not doing any climbing,' the Young Lord warns them.

'I don't get it,' the Princess says, uncertainly.

'How is that even-- no, no, I don't actually care, never mind.' The Charmer always seems a little baffled by all of them. Vex thinks maybe he's older, because he talks about stuff like politics and Agreements and resource acquisition like he really cares.

Vax kicks her hard in the shin, and she focuses back on him. "Ok," she says. "You're right. I won't talk about them anymore."

And she does try. She ignores the conversations that happen in the background of her mind, ignores the prodding and the concern and the confusion and even the hurt, when it comes.

'I have a new imaginary friend, and he's way cooler than you anyway,' the Princess announces.

'Just another distraction I didn't need in the first place,' says the Charmer.

The Young Lord never really stops. He still provides cutting commentary on the ridiculous things the upper class visitors to his castle do, and only slightly less vicious mockery of his own family. It's hilarious. Not that Vex is listening. She's beyond imaginary friends, and one day her mind will stop trying to hold on to old habits.

Six months later she wakes up because someone is screaming.

"Fax!" she says, before she's even opened her eyes, but her brother is still asleep across the room. She rushes through the halls to their father's door, but when she peeks in, careful and silent, he, too, is asleep. It's only when she's standing outside on the damp grass of the lawn, staring frantically out into the night that she realizes.

She's the last to understand.

'Fucking focus, can you tell what they are? Have you seen them in sunlight? Idiot, I know you're observant, fucking think!' She's never heard this much emotion in the Charmer's voice before.

'Run! Just run you've got to run and hide, I am going to ask The traveler to help you, ok, he'll make everything better!'

'What's happened?' Vex demands.

'They're all dead,' says the Young Lord, which is probably the least reassuring response she can possibly imagine. 'They're all dead. They're going to kill us next.'

'Run!' the Princess repeats, frantic and scared.

'Fire might work,' the Charmer snaps. 'Holy water. Do you have holy water? Castles have temples and shit, don't they?'

'We're already out of the castle,' the Young Lord says. 'But they'll find us.'

'Who?' Vex asks.

'We're going to die, just like the rest of them,' he says. 'I've never heard my mother scream before.'

The Princess whimpers. The Charmer swears.

Vex says, 'You're not going to die. Keep running. Don't look back, don't think about anything but surviving. You've got to get as far away as you can and then hide.'

'They've found us,' he says. 'My sister.'

'Run,' Vex repeats, forcing herself to stay calm and firm. 'Just keep running.'

She's fairly sure he's older than her, but at this moment she feels like she's trying to calm a sobbing child.

'No,' he says. 'No. No. No. Not her, too. I've got to go back.'

'No please don't!' the Princess cries.

'Keep fucking running,' the Charmer snarls.

'I can't leave my sister,' he says.

Vex thinks about her own brother, lying peaceful and safe inside, knows she would give up anything and everything including her own life to keep him safe. But Vex has never claimed to be a selfless person. 'There's nothing you can do for her,' she says, harshly. 'Just keep going.'

They all stay awake the rest of the night. The Charmer says the people who killed the Young Lord's family were a vampire and a necromancer.

'Fat lot of good that does me without access to our library,' the Young Lord says, snidely. Vex has never felt emotions from her friends before but she swears she can taste his grief at the back of her throat. She doesn't know if the numb feeling of shock is his too or if that's all her own.

*

A year goes by. They keep the Young Lord from completely spiralling out into the apathy of grief by nothing less than a fucking miracle. Vex doesn't talk to her brother about it, but he knows something is wrong.

The night they run away from their father is a long one. It's unseasonably cold, and she's been trembling with fear and anticipation all day.

'I'm going to try something,' the Charmer says. 'Things might be very different, soon.'

'Oh hey, me too,' Vex says, high-strung and forcing a cheer into her thoughts that she doesn't believe herself.

'Nobody die,' the Young Lord says, listlessly.

'That was impressive, you almost sounded like you care,' the Charmer says, dryly.

'Don't worry, darling, this is going to be great,' Vex says.

Vex and Vax don't sleep for 48 hours, the rush through the silent grounds, the alleyways and side streets of the city, eating stale bread from their packs under the shelter of an overhang in the early hours of the morning, laughing hysterically together, drunk on adrenaline and the slow realization that they've done it. If something dark brushes Vex's thoughts, it is rapidly brushed aside by her joy.

The Princess sleeps, and in the night a hand brushes hair from her forehead, a green cloak trails across the floor as someone keeps watch.

In the morning, the Young Lord says, 'I've just had an idea.'

In the morning, the Charmer says nothing.

In the morning, someone new speaks for the very first time.

'Empty.'

[onebizarrekai]

I went on an unfiltered positive soapbox rant in a doc about green oak last night at 1am

please note that I usually post with moderation on my language but this rant does not have this

I have to give you the original. I have to

yo it’s almost 1 in the fucking morning and I played pokemon for 4 fucking hours today and I’m gonna ramble about GARY FUCKING OAK

LISTEN CAREFULLY. ok listen

to start off my ted talk with something partially irrelevant, I cannot get over the fact that green and gary are almost 2 very distinct personalities. they have similarities, but in my head, green has a genuine capacity to be personally malicious, while gary exists for the sole purpose of being as much of a chad as possible

scale of oak: <————————————————> emo bitch         smartass       tax fraud (manga)             (game)              (show)

(I haven’t read the manga in like 10 years and I’m having these vague recollections and I’m like whoa god. I forgot that red and green didn’t know each other in the manga they were literally strangers it’s so weird also they were ALL SO YOUNG)

so basically, gary is a hilarious fucking character whom cade (my brother) and I have distorted beyond belief by making him a rich snob and making endless tax history jokes, and green oak, green fucking oak, is a much more elaborate human being.

real character development as a real life person is growing up and realizing that green is your favorite pokemon character, and not just because he’s comically an asshole and easily mockable, it’s also because he goes through so much fucking implicit character development and it’s VERY IMPORTANT AND COOL.

call it extra and biased but fuck off. no character in pokemon has ever gotten more character development than green oak, and not seeing any of it happen on screen is actually really interesting.

pokemon isn’t generally about character development beyond the dialogue you see on the screen. I mean, apparently it’s little enough about the story that sword and shield completely bailed on the idea of actually having a fucking story, even though sun and moon had a pretty decent one. ANYWAY, green oak is such a fucking cool character because there’s so much room for speculation, and I’m gonna go on a list of reasons why everything about this is neat.

1. he is the only character whom you actually see change in a pokemon game off camera and between long timespans, to my recollection. the only thing to compare this to is the transition between the two fifth gen stories, and while my memory is foggy since I only played black 2 once, I don’t remember any of the characters in that game changing much at all. maybe cheren became less of a dick, whatever. no one cares because he has absolutely no subtext.

2. red is the only protagonist in pokemon history who has made a second appearance. red is a real fucking person, a real pokemon character, and isn’t just a convenient fill-in for the player who gets thrown away after the game is over (LOOKING AT YOU, BLACK 2 AND WHITE 2). green’s relationship to red, no matter how damaged, is a real thing, and a real story element. this is never done in any other pokemon game. green is the only rival whose story continues after the game is over because his counterpart continues to exist.

3. the context of the game. after green barreled through the entirety of kanto, talking red down all the while, and then becoming champion, he gets beaten by red once and for all and his dream of being champion is torn right out of his hands moments after being obtained. everything green cared about is taken away from him by the person he was always mean to. karma, bitch.

so green becomes the 8th gym leader. it doesn’t take two moments of thinking about this to understand how much he doesn’t want this. it’s like, settling for 6th best after your dream job falls through, since nobody knows how the structure of the elite four works.

to top it all off, red RUNS THE FUCK AWAY TO A GODFORSAKEN MOUNTAIN. he takes everything away from green, shatters his world, and then won’t even take the dream that green wanted. can you imagine how mad he’d be about that? green is already having an existential crisis about his behavior problems, he doesn’t need this fucking bullshit. somehow lance becomes the new champion meanwhile even though he’s an elite four member. you’d think green would at least take his place, or something. the amount that I’m confused about this is probably also applies to green. there’s a chance that green rejected the position of champion due to being defeated by red right away, and all the shame he got, but even so, it undoubtably would have taken a toll on him.

finally, here’s the kicker. in spite of all this, green doesn’t make it his business to end the world or some shit. in spite of this, he becomes a better person. green fucking oak has a fucking soul. also, it’s been a VERY long time since I’ve played all of soulsilver, but does green ever complain about red being isolated on mt silver? maybe that’s wishful thinking.

final bout: after years and years, green and red arrive in alola together as grownass men. red came down from the fucking mountain, and green is the one he came to the islands with. this implication of reconcile is so FUCKING IMPORTANT because of what these two have been through for like, the last 20 years.

you cannot POSSIBLY look at this like it’s not a big deal. like, they didn’t just “grow up and get over it.” red had to kick green aside to become the champion (which is still such a fucking good conclusion for the game, like, thinking back on it having a rival who’s a dick to you for the whole game and then destroying his life is grimly poetic), RAN AWAY TO A MOUNTAIN and gave up the title, indicating to green that it didn’t even matter to him (whether he meant that or not, whatever, running away to a mountain is fucking stupid), and in spite of all this, they ended up reconciling. they reconciled. green could have been mad at red for the rest of his life for destroying his dream, regardless of how he treated red when they were younger. maybe green figured that he still had a shot at becoming champion again, but maybe that’s the point. he continues to want to be stronger than red but doesn’t let it carry into how he treats people anymore.

I’m curious, though. what really happened? did red and green put it all behind them? did they deem there someone to blame? did red just become the champion to get back at green after all, and then ran away because he didn’t know how to live with it? or did he run away because it truly didn’t matter to him? or did red become the champion purely out of his own self goals and wasn’t even thinking about green? if so, why did he run away? so many things to think about.

anyway, tldr, green has been through more character development than any other pokemon character and I adore him

also. where the fuck is gold. he defeated red and then ceased to exist

update: in heartgold and soulsilver, green doesn’t seem to know where red is, but in some of his dialogue over call, he tells you that you “remind him of someone” and he mumbles dejectedly about red before hanging up

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Nine

Previous Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Wheren we run out of sidequests, so we head back to the Citadel already.

With the quest log pretty empty, I didn’t feel like flying around the galaxy hoping to bump into something Hackett wanted me to do already, so let’s go finish up some of those loose sidequests and pick up some more!

I didn’t grab a screenshot of this, but one of the mods (faster elevators maybe?  Or MERe?  IDK!) COMPLETELY removes the scanning component from getting on and off the ship.

I don’t remember the exact origins of this, but one tick Annakie Shepard has is... she really really fucking hates being scanned.  And it probably was because of how long the scanning bit of getting on and off the ship here took, but I used to always try to outrun it if possible, or at least put up the effort.  I’m so glad it’s not here at all.

The only acceptable scan is Chakwas scanning her for medical reasons, and even that is just barely ok.

Anyway, here we are, freshly not-scanned, heading right down to C-Sec to... oh no what’s this?

Ah.  Yes.   Mikhailovich.  Here for inspection.

One of the reasons I cheat in Paragon points is that it’s nearly impossible to ever make Mikhailovich happy unless you don’t come back to the Citadel for a very long time.  So maybe I could have gone to Noveria and done the Paragon Point Cheat, but one cheat or another, doesn’t really matter.

The Mikhailovich encounter is another one of those things that didn’t have to be in the game, but is great worldbuilding.  Not everyone agrees with the Normandy being built, or the turian design, etc.   Mikhailovich is right that some of the things we built here could have been tested in a lab, you know.  It was a huge chunk of money, but it’ll be wrong later in thinking it’s a waste.  He also again shows that people aren’t sure that working super close with the turians is a good idea, which, again, he’ll be wrong about, but it’s a good thing to see differing opinions on a lot of things.

Anyway, I like this bit not only for that reason but to see Kaidan’s salute.

Finally, after lingering at the dock for who-knows-how-long while the Admiral inspected our ship, we get down to C-Sec, ready to...

Oh what’s THIS now?

Time for another interview, this one a little more voluntary.  

Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News.

She’s a character I have very mixed feelings about.

On one hand, well, I used to love to punch her out.  And now I never do.

She’s clearly digging for an angle here in her interviews.  She’s reporting for humanity, not the council races or galaxy as a whole.  But answering her diplomatically here, she’s another character who questions you and what you’re doing, but doesn’t actually step over any lines.  It’s more when you get testy with her here, she gets touchy back.

It would be a shitshow with the fanboys I think if you took out the option to hit here.  But wow that moment... didn’t sit right, especially when it was an MShep doing it but it’s not a great look for Femshep either.  Nobody should hit ANYBODY unless it’s actually necessary.  Getting your feels hurt by a few tough, even unfair questions... does not call for punching.

Especially today when we’re already getting scary close to losing freedom of the press.  Being diplomatic with her really nets the best responses in 2 and 3, as well.

And maybe if we hadn’t just gotten raked over the coals by Mikhailovich it’d be less grating to then get questioned by a reporter.  But I find it interesting how the game keeps pushing and questioning Shepard, and maybe even trying to find holes where maybe Shepard or the Alliance isn’t completely right, or could be questioned.

Damnit, Chorban and Jahleed.  Just kiss, already, neither of you are trying to kill the other!!  

I do love that Chorban figures everything out based on your scans... just like... a couple of years too late.  Anyway, I already finished all the scans, no way I’m not finishing this quest with Chorban for that sweet XP.

And YOU, using a girl with no undercover experience and putting her in Chora’s de-- what’s that?  Conrad dies if I end this quest early?  SIGH.

Also... Gideon Emery.  So you’re fine.  All is forgiven.  I’ll do your dirty work.

Helena Blake!  I DEFINITELY won’t forget to go speak to her, get back on the Normandy, do another planet quest, realize I didn’t speak to her, then go back to the Citadel just to actually pick up this quest, then pretend later on in this update that I remembered to speak to her all along!

I mean, speaking as if I were someone who hasn’t played the next two games, this is DEFINITELY SUSPICIOUS right?

I guess in a way, we did pull our gun on Conrad all along.

Just give me the damn mods.

Honestly, I love this part of the quest because you can COMPLETELY fuck up by being too goody-goody.  I have probably had to reload after mindlessly clicking paragon answers more times than I care to admit.  This time, I remembered to not obey the law.

The second reason I wanted to come back to the Citadel is that after one planetary mission, Morlan’s Iconic Armor shop (which, again, is thanks to ME1Recalibrated) sells special armor for Kaidan, that looks like his ME2 armor, so he has his own unique look.  

A picture from later, once the armor texture is loaded correctly.  (Turns out it required a restart.)

I LOVE IT.  Thank you, MERecalibrated team!  Welcome to Kaidan’s look for the rest of the game.

Let’s head up to the presidium!

Whoops, shoulda brought Ashley along.  I’m sure whatever he wanted to talk about can wait til later.

BTW, that gif isn’t sped up.  

If you don’t have the console enabled and aren’t setting your out of combat runspeed to at least 800 whenever you’re anywhere you have a lot of running to do, then consider doing so.   I’ve found 800 is the perfect amount of fast without leaving me slamming into walls constantly

The annoying thing is that every time you have a major area transition or have to reload the game, you have to do it again, but after the first time it’s 4 keystrokes.

` then up arrow, then [enter], then ` again.

Also your companions may fall behind, but that’s only an issue for the places they have ambient dialog.  So mostly I start using it on the Citadel after going everywhere once, and then most of the time on the Normandy and sidequests.

Oh let’s talk to this nice lady.  Oh no, her sister has been kidnapped, how sad!

Well, the poor woman deserves my help, I’m sure it’s all on the up-and-up.  Sure, I’ll rescue your sister!  I’m glad we have this friendly relationship that will be profitable and non-lethal forever!

You DID know that Anderson and Udina comment on each major mission afterwards, right?  It took me more playthroughs than I care to admit to discover this.

Also, this is a kind of humanizing moment for Udina here.  He tells us how the council isn’t happy that we lost the prothean ruins at Therum, then Anderson stands up for us (we love you, Space Dad), and then he actually really backs off and says in a much softer tone “I know, I know.  But we all get judged on how you behave.”

And again, we’re not meant to love how he says it, but um, Udina is right.  Everything we do has repercussions throughout the Citadel, and sometimes the Galaxy.

Poor Liara, the only one left without an iconic armor in ME1.

Also, like Tali earlier, she hilariously has lines in quests we turn in or make updates to that she has no business knowing about.  I guess she read all the questlogs while traveling back to the Citadel.

While we’re here on the Citadel, let’s take a flycam visit around to the edge of the room, shall we?

So we’re heading out, towards this building, past the Mass Relay sculpture.

What you can see as soon as you’re near it and then over it, is that that building hides the seam where the water meets map.

From just beyond it, there’s the apartment-looking building, for whatever reason you can see through the textures on the other side, leaving just the roofs/floors visible (the slats).

It took quite a while to go this far, but eventually, you can find the invisible wall where the cars spawn from, and not long after, the map ends.  The map is very curved, btw, that’s no illusion.  There’s no chance you could see this far without flycam.

Looking back, you can see the bridges in the distance, but the Relay sculpture and where Shepard is standing is very far away, quite difficult to see even if the full-sized screenshot.

I love how huge these maps are.  It makes the illusions really work and the sense of scale works BECAUSE it is actually just... that big. 

Well, back to smaller issues.

Again, a great quest not only from a memorability perspective, but a worldbuilding one.

How does religion work in this galaxy?  Well, some people still have it.  Enough that there’s laws in governing how people are able to spread that religion.  I think that the council actually enacted a fairly sensible law here -- they cannot allow zealots to take over near the seat of government, but also people should be free to worship as they please.  

I myself am a person of faith who, despite being brought up in a HIGHLY Evangelical movement, now very much believes that people should be able to worship as they choose, (or not at all!) but also that faith is a private matter and shouldn’t be forced on others.  

So yeah, the hanar is being unreasonable, but should still be spoken to with respect.  It’s good that this particular hanar takes it well.

I am honestly dying to know how the hanar deal with the absolute proof that the Enkindlers were just... people.  I mean we saw the one hanar in ME3 react to Javik, but you have to think that the religion as a whole must get shaken up a great deal after the game ends.

Also... seriously read Mass Effect: Annihilation (the quarian ark book).

Anyway, I like resolving this peacefully and getting the hanar to leave peacefully.  Calling someone a big stupid jellyfish is hilarious in the moment, but not so nice once you think about it.  

Ah, Michael and Rebekah.

I love this quest because... it’s not cut and dry.

I don’t think either of them is wrong. I think they’re facing a tough choice and they both have good points.

For a long time, though, my response has been that it’s Rebekah’s body, her choice.  

But the funny thing was, this time when I was playing, I didn’t see this as just an allegory to a woman’s right to choose.  From Michael’s POV, it’s more of an allegory to Anti-Vaxx.  Obviously back in 2007 when the game came out Anti-Vaxx wasn’t nearly as much as a concern as it is now, so I love that this small part of the game actually grew more meaningful over time.  

Yes, there’s a SMALL chance you could hurt the child from the procedure, but a greater chance of harm if you don’t.  I had a harder time choosing this time, like, oh, am I going to lean a bit more towards being pro-choice, or pro-vaxxination?  I’m pro both of those things??

I still sided with Rebekah.  Mostly because I know the kid turns out OK either way.

Well, for a couple of years, at least.

Emily!  You changed your clothes!  What’s that?  You want me to plant bugs?  Won’t someone notice?

Guess not.  Not even this bug.

I’m sad that this is the last we’ll see of Emily Wong face to face.  But hey, a good reporter, and good person.  :salute:

Kahoku... thank you for finding out about Cerberus and telling us.  The first time we hear the word I think, in the game?  

You will be avenged.

Welp time to head up to the ship and go off on some sidequ--

I mean... Uh, time to go talk to Helena Blake, OBVIOUSLY.

(Also Liara you cannot climb that wall, stahp.)

I love them having just a bad bitch like Helena with her sneaky-plan to kill her business partners so totally above the board by Shepard, but hey, she’s just a concerned citizen giving tips to law enforcement, right?  She’s awful, and she knows it, and she’s cool with it.

Well, since Ashley magically appeared in the party without me going to the Normandy AT ALL, as long as we’re here, let’s go talk to Samesh Bhatia

A great moment for Ashley, remembering her friend, and treating her husband with so much care and kindness. OBVIOUSLY we can do this very easy thing for him.

Fuck, this just got a lot more complicated.

I love this quest because it puts you between a rock and a hard place.  Again, neither side is wrong.  Samesh SHOULD have his wife’s body back.  But it IS important research.

For a long time, I didn’t give a shit about the research and would get the body back, no matter what.

But so many more lives are saved with the research.  So this time I ask him to understand, and he does.  But it never sits quite right, either way.  

As my other SciFi favorite franchise* reminds us in one of its most poignant moments...  Sometimes the needs of the many do outweigh the needs of the one.

Okay now we’re heading back to the Normandy for the first time this update, and next time, back out into space!

*Star Wars is a Space Opera, not SciFi.

[doomedhowell]

Lucky Birthday

Summary: Phil is one of Daniel Howell’s biggest fans. He’s been listening to his music for years, so he couldn’t say no when PJ gives him tickets to his concert. The only problem is that Phil’s blind, and he’s never been to a concert before for obvious reasons. What could possibly go wrong? Or, right?

Genre: AU, Fluff

Word Count: 3,055

Trigger Warnings: swearing

“Peej, I’m not sure about this anymore. You’re sure I look okay? Maybe we shouldn’t go to the concert?” Phil asks nervously as he sits on the edge of his bed, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Tonight’s the night. Tonight’s finally night where Phil is going to his first ever concert to see Daniel Howell, someone that he’s been listening to for the past three years religiously. PJ, being a wonderful best friend to Phil, had surprised him with concert tickets a few weeks ago for his twentieth birthday.

It’s Phil’s first ever concert, and he’s extremely nervous. Not for reasons you’d think, though.

You see, Phil is blind. He was born without sight. So, he has some pretty good reasons to be nervous when it comes to doing things like going to concerts. He trusts PJ with his life. PJ has been his best friend since they were tiny babies. But still, anything could happen to him. It’s all Phil can think about.

But, Phil also really wants to hear Daniel’s voice in real life. Daniel has the voice of an angel.

“Come on,” PJ turns around and looks at Phil with raised eyebrows. “You’ve been excited to go for weeks, and now you suddenly want to back out? What’s up? Come on, talk to me, Philip”

Phil cringes at the use of his full name. “I’m worried is all. Don’t you think I have a right to be?” He asks.

“You know I would never let anything bad happen to you. I mean, your mother even trusts me with you, and there’s not many people that woman trust when it comes to her youngest son,” PJ says.

“You do have a point,” Phil mumbles, slowly nodding in agreement.

“We have some pretty great seats. You don’t even have to stand if you don’t want to. I hear his concerts are pretty chill anyways, and I’m sure nobody would care if you sat down,” PJ tells him.

“Okay! Okay. I get it,” Phil sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll go to the concert, but that doesn’t stop me from being nervous. Just promise that you won’t leave my side no matter what?”

“Of course not. I promise I won’t leave your side, Phil,” PJ says, gently placing a hand on Phil’s shoulder.

“I can’t wait to hear Dan’s voice in real life. I bet he sounds like an angel,” Phil says with a smile.

“Nah, mate. You wanna know who sounds like an angel? Ariana Grande. That was a great concert! Man, you should have gone with us. It was hilarious seeing Chris freak the fuck out over her.”

“Language!” Phil warns, mocking his mom, before laughing. “I’m sorry about that. I just wasn’t confident enough to go to that concert. Besides, I don’t really know her music that well anyways to go. Although, we’ll have to take Chris to see someone he likes again soon so I can witness that.”

“Absolutely,” PJ grins. “Now, come on. We have to finish getting ready, and yes… you look lovely, Phil.”

Finally, the two boys finish getting ready and are now downstairs saying goodbye to Phil’s mother.

“I’m trusting you with my son’s life, PJ,” Kathryn begins. “Normally I would send Martyn with you. Unfortunately, he decided to go out of town this weekend. You have to promise me that you’ll keep an eye on Phil the entire time, alright? You can’t let him out of your sight.”

“Poor choice of words, mum,” Phil says, making PJ giggle.

“Oh, I’m so sorry sweetheart. You know I never mean to offend you,” Kathryn quickly apologizes.

“I’m just joking, mum,” Phil laughs, earning an eye roll from Kathryn. “PJ won’t let anything happen, okay? We’ve gone away together before, and he brought me back in one piece.”

“Need I remind you that on that trip, you nearly killed my son with that reckless driving of yours?”

“Okay, then!” PJ exclaims. “We really must get going now. We don’t want to be late for Phil’s first concert. I want to get there early so we can find good parking spots too. The closer we get, the better. Don’t worry, Kath. I’ll text you updates throughout the night. Phil will be just fine.”

“Phil will be just fine!” Phil repeats as PJ quickly leads him out of the house.

“I swear, it takes us twenty minutes to leave the bloody house when we go anywhere,” PJ grumbles as he helps Phil walk to his car. PJ opens the door for Phil and helps him inside, making sure he’s buckled in.

“You are taking her blind son to a concert filled with thousands of people, where anything could happen, and she won’t be there to do anything about it...” Phil says. “She has a pretty good reason to worry, Peej.”

“I know. I just wish she had a little more faith in me, especially since we’ve been friends for…?”

“Many, many years. I know,” Phil says. “Come on! Can we get going? I want to get there.”

PJ grins. “See? Now you’re getting excited,” he says, before shutting the door. He walks around the car and gets into the driver's seat. “Do we have everything? I’ve got the tickets and money.”

“Then that’s all we need, isn’t it?” Phil asks, looking over in PJ’s direction.

“I suppose so,” PJ chuckles. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Phil lets out a sudden squeal of excitement. “I can’t believe we’re actually going to see Daniel in person! After all these years. Do you think we’ll get to meet him?”

“Don’t get your hopes up, Phil. I told you that I couldn’t afford VIP at the time I got the tickets,” PJ says.

“I know, but… what if we happen to bump into him when we’re at the concert?” Phil asks.

“Unlikely. There will be thousands of people at this concert, and it’s not like Daniel can just walk out and enjoy himself. His fans will literally attack him the second they see him,” PJ tells him.

Phil lets out a huff of annoyance. “Thanks for crushing my dreams, Peej,” he mumbles.

Luckily, the two boys get to the concert nearly two hours before the concert tickets, and PJ is able to find a parking lot quite close to the building, because he knows that it’s easier on Phil if they don’t have to walk a long distance from the car. PJ totally understands Phil’s reasonings though.

“We’re here,” PJ grins as he looks over at Phil. “We have two hours to kill before the concert. Ready?”

“Kind of. I’m still nervous. I feel like I’m the odd man out, being blind and all,” Phil frowns.

“You can’t think about it like that, Phil. I mean, people with disabilities go to concerts all the time and have the same amount of fun as “normal” people do. You’re not going to have fun if that’s all you think about,” PJ tries to assure him. “We’re going to go in there, buy some food and merch, and head into the building, where we’re going to have the time of our lives. Well, kind of. Daniel’s music isn’t very rock and roll.”

“Daniel’s music is soothing. I told you this when we listened to his music on the way here,” Phil defends.

PJ laughs. “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I just prefer being able to rock out at concerts,” he says.

“Fair enough,” Phil says, nodding. “Are we going to go inside now?” He bites his lip nervously.

“Yes, we’re going to go inside now. If you get too panicky while we’re in there, just grab onto my arm, okay? I know you hate doing that because it makes you feel like a child, but I know it helps,” PJ tells him.

Phil slowly nods. “I know. I’ve got my cane, but is it okay if I hold onto you most of the time?”

“Of course,” PJ frowns slightly. “You’re worried about people making fun of you walking with a cane?”

“Well, it happened when I went to school,” Phil mumbles. “I’m sure it’ll happen anywhere else. Besides, having my cane out will just get in the way, and I don’t want that. But, if you get too annoyed…”

“No, no. You know I don’t care if you hold my arm,” PJ says, quickly holding his arm out. “It’s all yours.”

Phil giggles lightly at that, and quickly grabs a hold of PJ’s arm. “Is it always this loud at concerts?”

“Always,” PJ replies as they start walking. “It’ll be even louder once the concert starts. People will be screaming and singing. But, it’ll be a good thing. Quiet concerts are just boring.”

“You’re the concert expert, so I’ll hold you to that,” Phil says.

“Do you wanna get something to eat or drink before we get into the show?” PJ asks.

“Um, yeah… maybe some water would be good,” Phil answers, nodding. He holds onto PJ’s arm as they start walking again. He knows there must be thousands of people at this venue, but he tries not to think about how many people are around him, because otherwise, he’ll get anxious and will want to leave.

PJ leads the way to the food and drink area, where he orders some water for Phil.

“You didn’t have to pay. I have my own money, you know?” Phil complains when PJ hands him his water.

“Yeah, I know I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. Plus, that water was like eight pounds! Fucking expensive. You should be saving your money to buy merch and stuff,” PJ tells him. “It’s no biggie.”

Phil sighs and shakes his head. “Whatever you say Peej,”

PJ grins at Phil, and then he looks over when he hears someone shouting his name. “Dude!” PJ shouts when he sees a couple of his friends running over towards him and Phil. He slips out of Phil’s grip, and embraces his friends in a hug. “Dude, I had no idea you were going to be at this concert?”

“Last minute thing. Dylan over here loves Dan Howell. Had to get him tickets,” one of the boys laugh.

Phil freezes as soon as he realizes that he no longer has a hold of PJ. “Peej?” He asks nervously, and he instantly starts to panic when PJ doesn’t respond to him. This is not good. Not good at all.

Phil doesn’t want to leave, because he has no idea where he is. There could be stairs near him, and there’s hundreds of people surrounding him. But, PJ isn’t there anymore, and he’s scared now.

“Excuse me, are you okay?”

Phil stops as soon as he hears that familiar voice, that voice that he knows so well from listening to interviews and YouTube videos. But, it couldn’t be…? People are screaming louder now. So, maybe?

“Sir?” The voice asks again. “I’m sorry. I was just passing by, and I couldn’t help but notice…”

“D- Dan Howell?” Phil asks with a shaky breath, unable to calm himself. “I…”

Dan chuckles. “Yeah, it’s me. Sorry for sneaking up on you like that. You must be in shock. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was just passing by, and saw you. You look panicked,”

Phil wants to kick himself. Dan Howell is right in front of him, and he’s already embarrassed himself. “Well, I- I…” Phil hesitates. Dan must not be able to tell that he’s blind. “My friend disappeared from me, a- and I can’t see. I’m blind. I don’t know where he went.”

“Shit,” Dan whispers, frowning. “You have every reason to be panicking then, huh? Hey, why don’t you come with me? I was just heading to my dressing room before VIP. You can stay there, where it’s safe, and I’ll have my bodyguards help find your friend. Do you trust me?”

“Your Dan Howell,” Phil breathes, still in shock that Dan Howell is speaking to him. Phil knew it would be amazing to see him in concert. But, never in a million years did he think that he of all people would have the opportunity to speak to Dan in person. Dan’s willing to take time out of his busy day to help him. Phil doesn’t know of many celebrities that would do that. “Of course I trust you.”

Dan chuckles. “Here. Take my arm, and I’ll guide you,” he says.

Phil feels around until he finally grabs a hold of Dan’s arm. “A- Are you sure about this? You must be…”

“Making sure my fans are safe is my number one priority,” Dan assures him. “Don’t worry about a thing. Boys, let’s go. We’ve got to get this young lad here to safety.”

Phil follows Dan, making sure to keep a hold of his arm. He has no idea where he’s going, but he hopes that Dan will keep his word, and help him find PJ. Even though he’d love absolutely nothing more than to spend quality time with the one and only Daniel Howell, and hopefully get to converse with him a little bit, he also knows that PJ will eventually notice him missing.

“Here we are. Have a seat on the couch, love,” Dan says as he leads Phil over to the couch and helps him sit down. “You said you were with a friend? Do you know what he looks like? We can help find him.”

Phil nods, and pulls out his phone. “I’ve never seen what he looks like, but I should have photos-”

“Brilliant. What’s your name, by the way? I should have asked that before,” Dan chuckles.

“My name is Phil. I can’t believe I’m meeting you right now. I love your music,” Phil says, before handing his phone to Dan once he has a photo of him and PJ. “His name is PJ. I know he has curly brown hair.”

“Yes, this will help a lot. Jonathon, I need you to find his friend, and bring him back here,” Dan says as he shows the photo to the security guard. “His name is PJ.”

“Yes, sir,” the security guard says before heading out of the dressing room.

“Here you go,” Dan says as he hands Phil back his phone. “How exactly did you lose your friend?”

“I- I don’t know. One second we were buying some water, and then I heard someone PJ’s name, and… so I guess he got distracted. I don’t think he meant to lose me,” Phil explains.

“Ah, I see,” Dan nods, and sits next to him. “Well, it’s lovely to meet you. I hope you enjoy the concert, after we find your friend. Is this your first time seeing me live?”

“This is my first time seeing anyone live,” Phil admits shyly.

“Oh, wow. So I’m your first concert? That’s so cool! I’ll have to make it extra special,” Dan grins.

Dan and Phil spend the next fifteen minutes chatting with each other. Phil is so surprised with how calm Dan Howell is in person. He always thought that he would be. But, he’s so nice and easy to talk to. Phil really enjoys talking to him, and he hates that he’ll probably never talk to him again after this.

Suddenly the door opens again, interrupting Dan and Phil’s conversation.

“Phil!”

Phil jumps when he hears someone shout his name, but he instantly knows that it’s PJ.

“Holy shit,” PJ runs over to Phil and hugs him tightly. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“I know,” Phil laughs as he hugs PJ back. “I know you didn’t mean to, and it’s okay. I’m not mad. Really.”

“Thank God. I was so worried. Let’s not mention to your mother that I lost you at a Dan Howell concert. She’ll never trust me to take you anywhere alone again,” PJ says, shaking his head. He looks over and his eyes widen when he sees that Dan Howell is sitting right beside Phil.

“Hey, mate,” Dan greets, a grin forming on his face. “You should really keep track of your friends.”

“Your-” PJ lets out a squeak. “Your Dan Howell. Wh- What the fuck?”

“Nice to meet you too,” Dan laughs. “I was just making sure Phil was safe while my bodyguards went looking for you. Phil’s quite a lovely person, you know? You’re lucky to have him as a friend.

“Yeah,” PJ breathes. “Yeah, he’s awesome. Thank you. I mean, f- for looking out for him.”

“Not a problem, dude. Here-” Dan stands up and hands PJ some tickets. “Better seats for you and Phil, and I’d like to give Phil some merch, if you don’t mind.” 

Dan gives PJ a free t-shirt, while he gives Phil a hoodie and a poster.

“Lovely meeting you!” Dan shouts as PJ and Phil are led out of the dressing room. “Enjoy the show!”

“Thank you!” Phil shouts, looking back even though he can’t see Dan. “PJ, we just meet Dan Howell!”

“I know,” PJ laughs. “So, maybe losing you wasn’t such a bad thing after all?”

“I guess not, but please never lose me again. That was the most terrifying thing ever,” Phil complains.

“Really sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to. I got distracted when I saw some of my friends from art school. Here, let me see what he wrote on your poster-” PJ says as he carefully grabs the poster from Phil. “Thanks for being such a wonderful fan. You’re awesome.  Blah blah blah,” he looks down a bit and then his eyes widen the second he sees that Dan has left his number on the poster for Phil. “Holy shit, dude.”

“What?” Phil asks, stopping dead in his tracks. “What is it, Peej?”

“Dan fucking Howell gave you his number!” PJ exclaims, letting out a laugh. “Dude, you got so lucky tonight! Talk about a lucky birthday, mate.”

“What?” Phil squeaks with shock. “Th- There’s no way…”

“No, I’m not lying! He left his number,” PJ tells him, shaking Phil excitedly.

Phil can’t help but smile. Dan Howell gave him his number. So today won’t be the last time that he’ll get to talk to him. Phil knows exactly what he’s doing the second he gets home from the concert tonight.

[bigskydreaming]

Like, the thing you guys gotta understand is my loud opinions are far more defense mechanism than they are “I think I am right and nobody else is ever and people should listen to me only.”

Nah. They’re literally just me being as loud and as visible with the stuff that matters the most to me as is possible....because that actually minimizes the flack I catch for y’know...stuff I’m truly passionate about believing.

For example, my online behavior and tendencies in fandom on tumblr specifically....were largely shaped by my experiences in Teen Wolf fandom. Where I started out being as civil as possible wherever possible, and gradually got louder and angrier over time because THAT DIDN’T MATTER. Its why tone policing is bullshit, through and through. Because the real issue was never HOW I was saying what I was saying, it was what I was saying at all.

See, I flat out don’t like the fandom fave Stiles, as he’s portrayed on the show, and never did. Not from day one. He bothered the fuck out of me from the pilot. And this is a very controversial opinion in TW fandom, and was far more so back when I was first becoming ‘known’ in fandom, whatever the fuck that means or is even worth (seriously, its not worth a lot. You guys, stop putting so much weight in the visibility of more ‘well known’ bloggers....that doesn’t directly translate into the influence you think it does, especially when those bloggers are still holding what the majority of a fandom deems ‘unpopular’ opinions).

But back in my early TW days, I wasn’t really ‘known’ at all, for my blog and my opinions on the show. I was better known for my fics, which at the beginning, I was writing and updating fairly quickly. I’ve published somewhere just shy of 100,000 words of TW fanfic....and the vast majority of that was all written in just the first year or two in fandom.

And the thing is, for people who just found me on Ao3 and not on my blog originally....they weren’t as immediately aware of my bias against Stiles. Because I hate bashing ANY characters in fic. Even ones I don’t like, because the point of fanfic for me, is to FIX my personal issues with the source material, improve on the things *I* especially dislike....so even though I dislike Stiles on the show, in my better known TW fics, he was still present, and I was still trying to be as true to his core characterization as possible, WHILE addressing what I considered his core problem areas.

The kicker being.....a LOT of Stiles-fans LIKED my fanfic depiction of Stiles. A lot of S/terek fans included. You look at my TW fics like Where Wild Things Are or Lightning Crashes in particular....you’re gonna find a LOT of comments from self-proclaimed S/terek fans and Stiles stans....and those are just the ones I didn’t delete when I was forced to aggressively moderate my comments when a lot of those same commenters got loud and angry at me.

Which they did see....once they started connecting my Ao3 account to my blog, and my opinions on the show in general, which were starting to be more widespread in fandom due to some better known mutuals. I mean, its not like it was a big secret. My Ao3 pen name for my Teen Wolf fic is bigskydreamin’. It....wasn’t really anything I felt I needed to clarify, lmao.

But once people realized that the very same writer they liked for his take on Stiles very vocally disliked the show’s Stiles because of behaviors and scenes that I quote unquote deemed abusive (which I do, and stand by to this day).....they went fucking APESHIT on me. Like.....I can not even TELL you the extent of the nasty comments, anons, emails and reviews I got from some of the very same people who previously were glowing in their praise of my fics, especially the Stiles scenes.

All because I didn’t like the show’s depiction of certain behaviors and toxic dynamics, and set out to improve these things in my fic while being true to the characterizations....and which they had LIKED....until they realized my take didn’t come from a place of “oh I think Stiles is just the best.”

And then the fateful day came when one of them flat out asked me why I didn’t ship S/terek and if I would ever write S/terek....

And I had the balls to answer honestly. LOL. I wasn’t even insulting or offensive...just blunt. I told the person that I have serious issues with S/terek because of the power dynamics and the way they’re romanticized within fandom and most fics rather than called out and addressed, and I said I would never have any interest in tackling these topics myself in any kind of S/terek fic because my own past with abuse makes the ship just inherently unappealing to me because of how I perceive it, and I feel zero desire to ‘fix’ a thing I wouldn’t want on any level to begin with.

And they went and told all their friends and lol, RIP the rest of my TW years - and this was probably back in like, Year Two of my time in TW fandom. For a more accurate estimate, look for when I lost the will to update my big fics, because like. What was the point? Any positive reaction I got from updates at the time was just drowned out by the hate I got for adding to a story many of them were still reading, judging by the way my hit counts were still pretty steady with what they’d been with previous updates.....but that at the same time, they were heaping all kinds of shit on me for just....having opinions they didn’t like at the same time as I wrote stuff they still DID like.

The juxtaposition of those two things....lol. Man. Its a trip, I’ll tell you that.

And to be honest, the same thing has been happening ever since I started being more involved in Batfandom. You guys know how I reblog a lot of my own posts? That’s not something I used to do like, ever in TW fandom...because all the content I was making then was fresh. But I’ve always been a fan of Dick Grayson even while I was knee deep in TW fandom, so my longtime followers can tell you....I’ve been making these posts about him all along. A lot of my more popular Dick Grayson posts were written years ago, before I started getting active in this fandom....which only really happened over last summer. 

And the difference in TONE in a lot of my posts, is a lot of the ‘tamer’ posts.....which express the exact same viewpoints I have as in my more heated posts.....is because my ‘tamer’ posts were written as one-offs that I just wrote in passing while in a fandom that generally didn’t have any interest in my Batfamily musings....which did not at all stop me from still making those posts from time to time....because I don’t post ANYTHING for the sake of getting notes. Its literally just shit that’s on my mind, that I want to put out there for people to do whatever the hell they feel like doing with them. 

And so most of the posts I reblog, that seem more ‘mild’....its because I wrote them years ago, they got like maybe ten notes at the time, lol, and I’m reblogging them now because I have more of a platform and think they’d still be of interest to fans of that content specifically....but the stark tone difference is because when I wrote THOSE....nobody was jumping on my back the second I hit post to tell me how obviously wrong and stupid I was for not getting this or that or that and having this opinion on this character or just “caring too much about fictional characters.”

Like, you get what you give, people. You throw shit at me, eventually, I’m gonna start throwing shit back, and no, you don’t get to be pissed about that when all the evidence is there that I’m MORE than capable AND willing to have a good time just by myself....and more than happy to have people join in....as long as nobody’s being a douchebag. But if you get your douchebaggery on and start making my life hell....I’m gonna start raising my voice, because that shit fucking sucks.

The sheer vitriol I got for simply stating that I have no interest in writing a S/terek dynamic I see as inherently toxic due to the inherent power imbalances, BECAUSE of my own history as an abuse and rape survivor, which I was frank about.....it blows my mind. People are literally OFFENDED that in response to questions THEY asked me, I said....I do not like this thing, because of how it affects my feelings about my own trauma. 

Like, for years I have gotten monthly hatemail in my asks for spreading toxicity and hate through the TW fandom and ‘hurting real abuse/rape survivors by misleading people and calling S/terek pedophilic and misusing terms like that’....

And the utterly hilarious thing (in that not at all sort of way), is I have never ONCE called S/terek pedophilic, or anyone who ships it a pedophile. Never. Once!

You know why? Its not even because of my own personal view on whether or not that’s an accurate label for that ship....its because IT WASN’T EVEN RELEVANT TO THE SPECIFIC CRITICISMS I’VE ALWAYS FOCUSED ON MAKING.

Like, I literally never even got AROUND to expressing whether or not I thought that was a label that applies to that ship, because I’ve always had plenty of thoughts just purely on the specific power imbalances as I break them down in my view of that pairing....REGARDLESS of what you label those power imbalances. I don’t fucking CARE about the terminology. My concern has never once been what the fuck you call it, so I never made it ABOUT what anyone calls it, and purely focused on why I think it isn’t healthy just in specific terms.....and yes, pulled from my own personal experience and knowledge of abuse to back up why I feel that way, and to clarify why I feel so strongly about it.

But does any of this matter? Nope. Because all people cared about when directing hate my way for my oh so controversial opinions was not what was accurate to my views, but what was effective in discrediting them.

And the same shit is already happening in Batfandom, and its obnoxious, and tired, and yeah, its why I’m already kinda coming out of the gate hot and heavy, because within like....less than two months of me starting to post more regularly about Batfam specific content and getting some followers who have large fandom presences and boosted my posts to a pretty broad fandom circulation....

Its like, welcome to TW fandom, rinse and repeat.

Hardly any of the actual flack I’ve gotten in this fandom so far has anything whatsoever to do with my opinions on the Batfam....its almost all about the fact that I don’t like noncon/pedophilia/incest fics and am critical of the permissive attitude fandom spaces have cultivated around this stuff. And of the fact that I think the culture of false positivity fandom spaces try to enforce at the expense of marginalized fans who try to speak up about their experiences with racism and other forms of oppression and bigotry online, like, is similarly bullshit. Like, the thing people don’t like me for most of all, is that I’m LOUD and OPINIONATED about saying that these things specifically, fucking suck, and here are my own personal experiences that make me feel that way.

And notice the lack of actual argument with my actual posts. Notice how its all about ME....my volume....my ‘irrationality’....my obvious mental health issues (I’ve heard that one a couple times already, lol - no shit, I’m ADHD, have longterm PTSD, and a literal lifetime’s worth of trauma I’m still actively unpacking and sorting through, lol, what the fuck was the revelation in me having mental health issues? I’m not shy about it, and I don’t use it as an excuse for being an asshole.....guess what? I’m an asshole sometimes, and I can absolutely point to when and where I’ve been one. I’m not hiding it, and I’m not hiding behind mental illness).

Plus, y’know there’s my ‘fake wokeness’ because a white man can’t have any possible reasons or experiences that lead to him choosing to prioritize supporting people of color in fandom over other white people while still firmly being motivated by things that are born of his own life and his own lane, and just *gasp* happen to make me care more about certain shit than other white people do, like.....I’m as transparent as I am about my feelings and motivations for a REASON. I’m not UNAWARE of any of this or how I come across.....the thing so many of you don’t get is that none of this is a multiple choice test where you have to circle the right answer and you pass, you’re a good ally or a good influence or a good person.....all of this is just life. Its just us all making choices and everyone else reacting to those choices in whatever the hell way they choose. 

I’m not trying to win any points with anybody.....if I DID care about cultivating my own influence in fandom, I MORE than have the communication skills to couch my most controversial opinions in language that would be more palatable to the MOST influential corners of fandom, draw more people in, be less alienating or distancing to people who have a kneejerk defensive reaction to a lot of the things I say....like, however influential I may or may not be in various fandoms and various fandom circles....I am perfectly aware of how I could say or do things differently to have MORE influence in broader reaching circles....I just fucking hate that kind of game playing. 

I’m the opposite of trying to win points....I just want the people who are around me and who follow me to actually RESPECT me enough to fucking listen to me and what I have to say....because otherwise, how do either of us even benefit? What’s the point? Who’s gaining anything from any interaction?

So yeah. I’m loud, and vocal, and opinionated....I say exactly what’s on my mind and I don’t apologize for it. I’m an asshole to people who are an asshole to me first, and sometimes I fuck up and I’m an asshole to people who don’t deserve it. And if you call me on that and I pull my head out of my ass soon enough to notice in time that you’re right and I owe you an apology, I’ll do that! And if you don’t want to call me on it and choose to take the offense I caused as a reason not to follow me or interact with me any further....that’s perfect valid and understandable too, and absolutely your right! Do what you need to do for you!

But the one thing that will never ever ever win you any points with me and that I just despise more than anything....is the fundamental lack of awareness, and lack of respect for me and what I’ve lived through....that the S/terek readers of mine who started the chain of events that led to me settling on my current approach to interacting with fandoms.

That thing where some people in various fandoms think its perfectly acceptable and reasonable to like some of my fan content....but then get pissed and upset with me because I don’t like all of the same things you do, think all of the things you do, and am judgmental about various ships you might have or fics you might read or write......and then take this out on me.

Nuh uh. Not okay. Never okay. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, I DO NOT SIT THERE AND TAKE THAT SHIT.

Because the thing the people this describes seem incapable or unwilling to grasp is....

For all your talk of “don’t like/don’t read” and telling me and other survivors to take responsibility for curating our own fandom content and experiences and avoiding things that might trigger us....

Even when I TRY and do that to the absolute BEST of my ability.....some of you still get pissed at me and go on the offensive because I don’t want to interact or be around certain content or people who are inspired to create that content....because of what it brings up for me, because of my various past traumas.

Like, that’s what it boils down to, IN MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. People liking what I have to say, until I say I don’t like something they don’t like and here’s why....and then its open fucking season, because how dare I not want to associate with them because that association is likely to expose me to triggering things they also at the same time expect me to take responsibility for avoiding, so as not to blame anyone else for my exposure to such things.

Can you please maybe understand why that fundamentally DOES NOT FUCKING WORK??

And is not only utterly unreasonable, but offensive to ask of someone who’s just trying to participate in fandom and have a good time and simply STATE when and where relevant, that there are things that impact my ability to have a good time, just as there are things that impact the ability of other fans to enjoy themselves alongside you as well?

Or are we ever going to get around to some people admitting that their fandom experiences have absolutely nothing to do with caring about the ‘community’ people swear up and down exists, and solely prioritize their own personal enjoyment, and FUCK everyone else? (While meanwhile, also being all: but why aren’t they making more of the stuff that I at least was enjoying when they weren’t bitching about not having fun here?’ LOL. Can’t ever forget that part.)

Its just.

You all are fucking exhausting sometimes, I swear. And that doesn’t mean I’m going anywhere, because I have as much right to be here as anyone, and I DO still manage to have a good time a lot of the time in spite of this crap, but that’s never gonna stop me from saying I have a right to have more of a good time and less of a literally triggered time, if any of you might ever care to prioritize that for me as much as you ask me to prioritize your good times for you.

This isn’t me doing anything other than saying....you all are fucking exhausting sometimes, I swear. Because sometimes, I just want to say that. Sometimes, it feels good to say that. And at every time, I have every damn right to say that in any way, shape or form I want to say it, at any volume I want to say it at, because none of this is me yelling at anyone, it is every single one of us sitting safe and comfortable in front of a screen of some kind, reading someone else express themselves and deciding how we want to take that expression and what’s being expressed, and how we want to react or not react in turn.

Like....just...its that fucking simple. That is literally all so much of this fucking ‘discourse’ is. People experiencing life in different ways than other people, and some people wanting to improve their experiences, some people wanting their experiences to stay just the way they are, some people wanting to ignore every experience that doesn’t fit their expectations or desired interactions, and other people just.....idk, just being fucking high, let’s face it, half the shit on this site is just plain weird and I like to assume the best of humanity and just chalk it up to half this site’s user base being high as fuck most of the time they post, LOL. 

*Shrugs* Congrats if you actually read all the way through to the end of this post....like....this is where I reiterate...I have ZERO expectations for this post. I have NO clue how people will react to it, how many or how few people will take it in the way I want it to be taken, especially because *I* don’t even know how I want it to be taken or what I would like to come of it. This is literally just me saying shit that is on my brain in response to my own personal experiences on this site and in this fandom. It is utterly, 100% up to you guys to decide what you do with it from here.

If I have one want for all fandoms, I guess it would just be.....for people to look to their own behavior and motivations and choices and take responsibility for their own shit before projecting onto other people and expecting them to do all of that while still refusing to do any of it themselves.

Too many people keep trying to drive one way on what are supposed to be two-way streets, and being shocked when that repeatedly results in collisions, pileups, accidents and blatant hit and runs.

We all live in a society.

Quit treating other members of that society like they only exist to cater to your existence alone.