#it’s gonna stay bad no matter what
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The average Tumblr user visits about 67 pages every month.
Text
i’m staying up late and turning my alarm off to try and make sure i can’t show up to school tomorrow because i legitimately cannot take it anymore
#vari posting#i lowk snapped in first period today and if anything it made everything harder to deal with#i keep lashing out#because everyone there hates me#but every time i tell someone else about it they think i’m just being paranoid#i can’t keep going in chat#it’s gonna stay bad no matter what#but if i go to school it just gets worse#tomorrow’s full of discussions anyways i wouldn’t gain anything but more hatred thrown my way#i just want to be done already#i can’t take another day let alone however many years i need to stay in school#but everyone is fucking blind#either that or they don’t care#probably the latter#if they cared they wouldn’t keep me in these classes#they would give me accommodations#they wouldn’t fucking threaten me#but of course it’s illegal for me to be happy#no teacher has ever tried to hear me out or listen#EVER#no student has ever made me feel like i can speak my mind#even my best friends are bullies by association#because ‘oh yeah he beat you up in the seventh grade and left your back damaged but he’s hot so idc’#just let me fucking exist without torturing me#i am so fucking done#i’m tired of this shit#i wanna drop out and drown myself in the lake#or something
1 note
·
View note
Text
boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
nobody talks about how awesome vent fics are. you can put your character in the Situations and just keep them there and keep them there and keep them there and then you finish it and you feel better. and it's free
#eddie brock fic is gonna Have to be this for me. i can work through all the ********* ******** if i just write about that guy#wanting to kill himself enough. it's gonna be fine. it's gonna be just like my little alucard castlevania thing#where i was feeling really bad and then wrote like 7k words of him just Suffering. and then i felt better#like a ghost in your own home dead and dying darling i love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and#genuinely one of my favorite things i've written i think. in terms of fanfiction but also it's just something i enjoy#man. man. man. man. man.#guys i'm unwell did you know this#i will maybe just not go to class tomorrow no matter what i think i need to stay the hell home <3 and lie face down on the ground <3#valentine notes#fanfic
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Heaven
Fallarien falls to ruin Under the cold hands of Hannes And the tolling of the church bells The people's cries like a choir For the prompt : Sound Torture [ @badthingshappenbingo ]
read on AO3
or down here, I'm not your boss
.
The church bells toll a solemn note The voice of God Now silent Come hither, come, children of God The church bells call as every day
Choir of one, as Hannes sings And dances still, Apocalpse Dancing, singing in her cold hands Whispering God’s words to her ears
“Holy daughter of Fallarien,” The people cry, In despair “Why do you feel no pain for us ? Why inflict us such cruel ends ?”
The church bells toll, and Hannes sings Indifferent to all but God The sweet song of Death, that her sword Sings, in time with her pas-de-deux
“Swans sing before they die,” she says Like a curse for Fallarien Fallen to ruin for its sins The spring of Lourdes dry as stone
“Holy daughter and miracle,” A moaning voice, Weeping “Why ?” As the bells toll, and Hannes sings The solemn note of punishment
The flames of hell melting down flesh The people cry, in pain, “It hurts” And still the song of God’s angel Slicing through bone as the bells toll
“It sounds like Heaven,” Hannes thinks
#bad things happen bingo#the epic of zektbach#yumi writes#hannes farrugia#apocalypse dirge of swans#poetry#i love !!! poetry !!!#dont know anything about english poetry rules tho#so this is octosyllabes like i would do in french#no rhymes tho. too hard for me in english#had a bit of fun with 'fallarien'#once said as a place with 3 syllabes#once as 'fall to ruin' play of words in 4#well long story short i had fun with this one#even if maybe 2 ppl are gonna read it lmao#in the end what matters is staying silly :3
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
"You okay?"
"Mhm."
"Good, now go get ready and wish for the best."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x03#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#pls not him taking her hand and both of them smiling about it#i think her saying that rebecca being with amy is one less mystery to worry about was her being concerned about what's bothering him#like she's not going to pry this time if he doesn't want to confide in her about it#but she wants to give him the opportunity to talk to her about it if he wants to thus the ''are you okay?''#and i'm glad he feels comfortable enough to talk to her about some family matters#also them asking each other if the other is okay is everything to me#idk if it's just me but rhett looks pretty cautious but also protective of her in the second gif?#i love that she decided to speak up because it bothers her that rhett might be hurting#and to me it looked like he was also proud of her for speaking up#rip her putting her hand on his arm before she said ''have a good night'' made me sad#i would be hurt if my loved one felt like they would be shut down if they were to speak in front of my family#i get that they don't like her but why invite her at all?#he really felt better after holding her hand#also his little smile after she says going to court wouldn't be a great idea was kinda cute#i'm only slowing down because i'm stuck watching their happier scenes because i'm SCARED#i just know he wanted to stay in that bed with her... i mean i would#geez he really gets to wake up to that... lucky man#i love her tiniest smile after his after she said meeting his parents again at court would be a bad idea#just the softest ''morning'' ever#idk but when she started with ''i'm sorry'' i felt like he was gonna tell her not to apologize or something#i wanted to see him run after her and ask if she was okay tbh#his chair really was pointed toward hers... he's such a LOSER#i think she put her other hand over his when he held her hand...
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south
#Cw gun mention I guess#I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers#And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses#And NO curtains or blinds because she's old#And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE”#In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot#And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard#But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold#Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us#Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid#It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn#But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid#And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot#Literally what the fuck is this.#“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US#Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like#I fuuuuucking hate it here
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok. i have a job interview today 🙃
#its been a really bad 24 hrs for me haha#stayed off the internet as much as i could but started having stress dreams about either outcome#couldnt take being lied to by my own brain so 4 am scrolling it is#and like ik. ik im young. but a lot of ppl in my life are not and.#i had my doubts too like theyre gonna risk a black woman against him?? when they need that older gen vote?#what do i know about politics i thought. maybe theyve done the math & the truncated campaign wont matter#okay I'm sorry to doompost itll be my only one its just its 4am
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jeongin having almost no votes on that poll makes sense to me, not because I think he'd do particularly bad but because I'm utterly certain if he ended up stranded with one of us he'd just up and leave and I wouldn't blame him
#he'd be like No. Sorry. Good luck. Bread baii.#seungmin is honestly a wild card bc he didnt get scared much in the haunted ep and he can be calm and level headed#so theres the chance hes actually a decent choice#but then I remembered him asking lee know if he could pick the cabbage with gloves and lee know was like ? Yeah... and i go Hmmm. No.#changbin is strong but also he's a lil city boy and he's a bit of a scaredy cat- hes gonna AHHH and im gonna AHHHH#and the creature will get us... But to go out in the strong arms and against the changbiddies of seo changbin? not a bad way to go#han is clusmy as hell and i think our personalities are similar so together? we'd die near immediately.#maybe by accidentally walking off a cliff or something not actually related to ghosts or strandedness#felix would be crying and freaking out and then I'd get annoyed bc crying makes me Uncomfy and i'd snap at him and then i'd feel SO bad#i'd have to give myself up to the entity as apology for being mean bc who could go on after that?#Hyunjin is gonna scream and im gonna follow suit and we're gonna get taken out also near immediately#but maybe he'd let me wear his versace glasses for a minute#so yeah lee know to me is the best bet 👍 im still goin chan tho#regardless of if you get off the island or not: You- yes YOU- will be attacked and cancelled by stay twitter no matter what#im avoiding go to clean out my uncles house can you tell
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's funny how "you just need to be uncomfortable to grow and growing is a good thing that you should try to do in your life" is considered a "boomer-like" statement and how many people will genuinely respond with "sure but it's also valid if you don't want to do hard and uncomfortable things!"
DISCLAIMER: OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NUANCE
#'i mean i guess i see what youre saying but it's just so hard!' ok then stay where u are ig#like. you can#it doesnt make you less than. doesnt make u a bad person.#but you MUST understand if you refuse the choice to grow then others WILL outgrow you#they'll leave. they'll move on.#same with opportunities. they'll pass you by.#and if ur ok w that then that's fine it's ur life#but again. understand that other people will probably grow away from you. and they wont be wrong for it.#you wont be wrong for not growing either.#i think ppl get defensive because they have shame around not being where they feel theg 'should' be in life and i do get that#but at a certain point u rlly do have to get up and dig urself out of that hole..no matter how u got there#it's hard and it sucks and everyone has different circumstances but no one else is gonna save u or get u out#u gotta do it urself#u can start whenever#but the longer u say 'i'll do it when im ready' well..#sometimes u never feel ready...u just have to push thru and do it#:'/#i have sympathy but. idk i have thoughts too lol
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
concept: take your kid to work day but you work for The Company
#lethal company#can you imagine though#like it’s objectively going to be bad no matter what you do no matter how safe you try to make it#they’re gonna have a bad time#like even if you tell them to stay on the ship there’s dogs and the possibility of masked men and giants outside#and you and your crew are inside risking your lives and you could all die and the kid is just sat inside the ship waiting for you#and like. if you give them a walkie so you can chat with them they’re going to hear a bunch of grown-ups shitting their pants#and possibly dying#also bonus point in my head i’m imagining like. what if the crew does die?? and they didn’t have enough for quota#so this kid knows they have to arrive with the quota their other parent will be waiting for them at the company#but they know something bad will happen if they don’t meet quota they just don’t know what#so it’s the final day and they decide they have to go to a moon as a last effort to try and make quota to avoid The Consequences#the kid writes the report about it and only gets a C. ‘vivid descriptions and very imaginative. next time write about your parent’s actual#job’
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
i figure they’ll drop it in a few eps like they have with everything else but it would be a little funny if after all the barchie vs varchie shit that they just made beronica endgame
#like...idt i would like it bc honestly once it became all varchie/bughead all the time the friendships really suffered#though i guess it might've been a little better in seasons 5 and 6#and i do love beronica and all it's what got me watching the show even while the internet was yelling queerbaiting#though i didn't stay loving it AS much especially as they got less interaction and i grew to love barchie more#but yeah like their relationship just became way less significant than it seemed to be at the start of the show#obvs ya know. the 50s is a brand new storyline and everything so the relationships are too#so at least they've given beronica a decent amount of focus so far#but also...people saying they're not gonna leave the 50s which is bad for many reasons#but specifically if it's gonna be the kind of thing where it's like the first six seasons didn't happen#i hate that shit soooooo much#that's what the vampire diaries books did and i was infuriated#basically what endgame did too#it's like what have i gone through this entire series for if you're just gonna be like AND NONE OF IT MATTERED#so yeah like i have been having fun with this season but i'm wary of everything#riverdale#riverdale 7x14#riverdale spoilers
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#thinkinn abt changing my name#i have thought about it for 3yrs#but honestly.... last year i got so sidetracked and everything in my life fell away#its just that i dont fkn care abt anything#but being in love and filling my life with that#was what happened bc it is what i need and want lol#but now im like ok... back into the empty hollow of my so called life#my id card expires in mid november#so i have to send the application for name change now if i wanna do it#the thing is...#im attached to this name in english#it is nice sounding in english yeah. but in swedish is sounds like absolute garbage#i like the other name i've thought abt changing to foryears. it was what my mom was originally gonna call me#it soyunds better in swedish too#but tbh im also attached to it bc...#idk... feeling like her (that name) with him felt right and sounded right#and i loved that name in his mouth and him calling me that and it was nice and i couldve lived in that forever#but now thats gone#and tbh i cannot stay there all alone while he is gone and had left and is w someone else#i cant like not change my name simply bc it is painful that i will never hear him call me my new name#and i really did feelcomfortable inthat name and being her with him#but im never even gonna hear his voice again#am i just gonna listen to his old voice messages and cry and enjoy him calling me my name#while he has left and is in lobve with someone else#and is calling her HER name. no. i cant#i wanna cry just thinking abt that. i dont wanna let him or us go#but he made that choice for me and i cannot do anything abt it#no matter how fkn bad it hurts. how much i dont want to#im gonna have to move on and live my boring empty ass life without him lol#so yeah.. i should change my name
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is the worst fucking trip of my life. i spent a week in russia having a massive panic attack every fucking day and THIS is the worst trip of my life
#ive literally never experienced such rude people im gonna snap so fucking bad soon#it’s EVERY DAY if it was a one off it’d be at least a bit better but it’s EVERY TIME I GO ANYWHERE WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME!!!!!!! oh my god#i am so sorry central maybe it’s not you. well it was you but your shitass contagion has spread around the world#I’ve had like six people cut in lines ahead of me people walk so close they push me into walls i just stop dead now it’s the only thing tha#works some guy walked through my arm and WHACKED his arm on my water bottle in my bag and it HURT him i could hear it it’s the highlight of#this entire fucking trip#i have been hit in a cathedral nearly stood on multiple times kids running into me people trying to walk through me ive just lugged my case#onto a bus where these two old cunts with like cabin bag sized cases managed to move to take up SIX SEATS as i got on the bus with my big#case so i had to stand. then nobody would let me off the bus with my big fucking case so hopefully i broke some toes. and THEN in my three#minute walk to this airbnb i am supposed to just get off the planet apparently and also walk in the road because god forbid other people#develop an ounce of brain matter and not walk four abreast on the pavement im fucking over it. fuck off and die you can see me im 5’9#also the bus people im not done with those fucking bus people like they were in the four seats and one of them went to a two seat but the#one on the four stayed on the edge with his case so i couldn’t get past and there were no other case-friendly seats#like it was fucking intentional what level of fuckhead do you have to be to stop someone sitting on a bus absolutely wank#google translate I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF the next time something happens and i will do it for real#dl
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Man today was crazy wasn't it babe hahaha (high fives @suzakus-canon-wife)
#zach says#oh my fucking god this morning sucked ass#was faced w the decision to take care of my ailing partner and lose my job or go to work#i dont think im fired. i rly hope not cause i need the job#but like wtf man obv im gonna stay w her????#god im so frustrated i hate capitalism. i hate working to live i hate spending all i have on rent#i hate medical stuff always costing 20000 dollars like fuck u man#just jfc this shit sucks so bad. i hate the ppl who made this society goddam#thankfully. audrey is okay right now thats what rly matters#it was just scary yknow
2 notes
·
View notes