#it’s gonna stay bad no matter what
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I just told [Tee] we stuck for life now....all i said was 'we locked in for life'...we gonna be on trips the offseason now, he gonna see me on the regular.
#legitimately wedding vows as others have said!!#the way ja'marr is SO intense about his relationships#saying the most insane shit about his guys!! about the people he loves!!#i'm gonna bring it back to what i was saying earlier this week#where he was already part of an intense close friendship/WR duo#and that connection is still there ofc but justin went to a different team. things naturally faded a little.#he doesn't want that happening with tee!!#and now it won't! now they're locked for life!!#even IF things don't work out bengals wise - being part of the same agency#means they'll be doing offseason stuff together no matter what!#and it's like. ok. whose decision was this really#tee making a 'business decision'#(that inarguably could end up being bad business for him. at least in terms of guaranteed money)#to stay wtih ja'marr for life???#they love each other so much???#how much DID they talk about it???#just clinging together through all the chaos that is negotiating second nfl contract!!!#anyway! married!!! they're actually married!!!#ja'marr chase#tee higgins
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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nobody talks about how awesome vent fics are. you can put your character in the Situations and just keep them there and keep them there and keep them there and then you finish it and you feel better. and it's free
#eddie brock fic is gonna Have to be this for me. i can work through all the ********* ******** if i just write about that guy#wanting to kill himself enough. it's gonna be fine. it's gonna be just like my little alucard castlevania thing#where i was feeling really bad and then wrote like 7k words of him just Suffering. and then i felt better#like a ghost in your own home dead and dying darling i love you forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and#genuinely one of my favorite things i've written i think. in terms of fanfiction but also it's just something i enjoy#man. man. man. man. man.#guys i'm unwell did you know this#i will maybe just not go to class tomorrow no matter what i think i need to stay the hell home <3 and lie face down on the ground <3#valentine notes#fanfic
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Heaven
Fallarien falls to ruin Under the cold hands of Hannes And the tolling of the church bells The people's cries like a choir For the prompt : Sound Torture [ @badthingshappenbingo ]
read on AO3
or down here, I'm not your boss
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The church bells toll a solemn note The voice of God Now silent Come hither, come, children of God The church bells call as every day
Choir of one, as Hannes sings And dances still, Apocalpse Dancing, singing in her cold hands Whispering God’s words to her ears
“Holy daughter of Fallarien,” The people cry, In despair “Why do you feel no pain for us ? Why inflict us such cruel ends ?”
The church bells toll, and Hannes sings Indifferent to all but God The sweet song of Death, that her sword Sings, in time with her pas-de-deux
“Swans sing before they die,” she says Like a curse for Fallarien Fallen to ruin for its sins The spring of Lourdes dry as stone
“Holy daughter and miracle,” A moaning voice, Weeping “Why ?” As the bells toll, and Hannes sings The solemn note of punishment
The flames of hell melting down flesh The people cry, in pain, “It hurts” And still the song of God’s angel Slicing through bone as the bells toll
“It sounds like Heaven,” Hannes thinks
#bad things happen bingo#the epic of zektbach#yumi writes#hannes farrugia#apocalypse dirge of swans#poetry#i love !!! poetry !!!#dont know anything about english poetry rules tho#so this is octosyllabes like i would do in french#no rhymes tho. too hard for me in english#had a bit of fun with 'fallarien'#once said as a place with 3 syllabes#once as 'fall to ruin' play of words in 4#well long story short i had fun with this one#even if maybe 2 ppl are gonna read it lmao#in the end what matters is staying silly :3
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"You okay?"
"Mhm."
"Good, now go get ready and wish for the best."
#outer range s2#outer range s2 spoilers#outer range 02x03#maria olivares#rhett abbott#isabel arraiza#lewis pullman#pls not him taking her hand and both of them smiling about it#i think her saying that rebecca being with amy is one less mystery to worry about was her being concerned about what's bothering him#like she's not going to pry this time if he doesn't want to confide in her about it#but she wants to give him the opportunity to talk to her about it if he wants to thus the ''are you okay?''#and i'm glad he feels comfortable enough to talk to her about some family matters#also them asking each other if the other is okay is everything to me#idk if it's just me but rhett looks pretty cautious but also protective of her in the second gif?#i love that she decided to speak up because it bothers her that rhett might be hurting#and to me it looked like he was also proud of her for speaking up#rip her putting her hand on his arm before she said ''have a good night'' made me sad#i would be hurt if my loved one felt like they would be shut down if they were to speak in front of my family#i get that they don't like her but why invite her at all?#he really felt better after holding her hand#also his little smile after she says going to court wouldn't be a great idea was kinda cute#i'm only slowing down because i'm stuck watching their happier scenes because i'm SCARED#i just know he wanted to stay in that bed with her... i mean i would#geez he really gets to wake up to that... lucky man#i love her tiniest smile after his after she said meeting his parents again at court would be a bad idea#just the softest ''morning'' ever#idk but when she started with ''i'm sorry'' i felt like he was gonna tell her not to apologize or something#i wanted to see him run after her and ask if she was okay tbh#his chair really was pointed toward hers... he's such a LOSER#i think she put her other hand over his when he held her hand...
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Jesus fucking christ I hate the US south
#Cw gun mention I guess#I was feeling super nauseous so I went into the kitchen to get ritz crackers#And we're at my grandma's rn for Christmas and she has windows in the kitchen that look out at the road/other houses#And NO curtains or blinds because she's old#And anyway I turned a small light on so I could see the crackers and I hear a fucking man outside shout “WHO'S OUT THERE”#In the heaviest southern accent. Mind you every fucking person in this area has a gun bc there's lots of trees with squirreld they shoot#And logically now that I am calming down I know it was just a bad coincidence and he was probably yelling at smthn in his yard#But jesus fucking christ I felt such immediate intense fear my head went cold#Ran to my baby brother's room bc I was certain someone was gonna come kill us#Then the rationality took over and I just told my mom about it. But now I'm sitting outside his room eating crackers bc I'm fucking paranoid#It is almost 4am and I haven't slept a wink I cannot do this rn#But literally the last time I went for a walk around here my dad told me not to go alone and also not to say anything stupid#And also stay far away from houses bc I could get myself shot#Literally what the fuck is this.#“Afearican” except I'm still very much in the US#Not to mention almost every fucking house has a blue lives matter flag and some have isr*el flags now too like#I fuuuuucking hate it here
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Jeongin having almost no votes on that poll makes sense to me, not because I think he'd do particularly bad but because I'm utterly certain if he ended up stranded with one of us he'd just up and leave and I wouldn't blame him
#he'd be like No. Sorry. Good luck. Bread baii.#seungmin is honestly a wild card bc he didnt get scared much in the haunted ep and he can be calm and level headed#so theres the chance hes actually a decent choice#but then I remembered him asking lee know if he could pick the cabbage with gloves and lee know was like ? Yeah... and i go Hmmm. No.#changbin is strong but also he's a lil city boy and he's a bit of a scaredy cat- hes gonna AHHH and im gonna AHHHH#and the creature will get us... But to go out in the strong arms and against the changbiddies of seo changbin? not a bad way to go#han is clusmy as hell and i think our personalities are similar so together? we'd die near immediately.#maybe by accidentally walking off a cliff or something not actually related to ghosts or strandedness#felix would be crying and freaking out and then I'd get annoyed bc crying makes me Uncomfy and i'd snap at him and then i'd feel SO bad#i'd have to give myself up to the entity as apology for being mean bc who could go on after that?#Hyunjin is gonna scream and im gonna follow suit and we're gonna get taken out also near immediately#but maybe he'd let me wear his versace glasses for a minute#so yeah lee know to me is the best bet 👍 im still goin chan tho#regardless of if you get off the island or not: You- yes YOU- will be attacked and cancelled by stay twitter no matter what#im avoiding go to clean out my uncles house can you tell
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It's funny how "you just need to be uncomfortable to grow and growing is a good thing that you should try to do in your life" is considered a "boomer-like" statement and how many people will genuinely respond with "sure but it's also valid if you don't want to do hard and uncomfortable things!"
DISCLAIMER: OBVIOUSLY THERE'S NUANCE
#'i mean i guess i see what youre saying but it's just so hard!' ok then stay where u are ig#like. you can#it doesnt make you less than. doesnt make u a bad person.#but you MUST understand if you refuse the choice to grow then others WILL outgrow you#they'll leave. they'll move on.#same with opportunities. they'll pass you by.#and if ur ok w that then that's fine it's ur life#but again. understand that other people will probably grow away from you. and they wont be wrong for it.#you wont be wrong for not growing either.#i think ppl get defensive because they have shame around not being where they feel theg 'should' be in life and i do get that#but at a certain point u rlly do have to get up and dig urself out of that hole..no matter how u got there#it's hard and it sucks and everyone has different circumstances but no one else is gonna save u or get u out#u gotta do it urself#u can start whenever#but the longer u say 'i'll do it when im ready' well..#sometimes u never feel ready...u just have to push thru and do it#:'/#i have sympathy but. idk i have thoughts too lol
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i figure they’ll drop it in a few eps like they have with everything else but it would be a little funny if after all the barchie vs varchie shit that they just made beronica endgame
#like...idt i would like it bc honestly once it became all varchie/bughead all the time the friendships really suffered#though i guess it might've been a little better in seasons 5 and 6#and i do love beronica and all it's what got me watching the show even while the internet was yelling queerbaiting#though i didn't stay loving it AS much especially as they got less interaction and i grew to love barchie more#but yeah like their relationship just became way less significant than it seemed to be at the start of the show#obvs ya know. the 50s is a brand new storyline and everything so the relationships are too#so at least they've given beronica a decent amount of focus so far#but also...people saying they're not gonna leave the 50s which is bad for many reasons#but specifically if it's gonna be the kind of thing where it's like the first six seasons didn't happen#i hate that shit soooooo much#that's what the vampire diaries books did and i was infuriated#basically what endgame did too#it's like what have i gone through this entire series for if you're just gonna be like AND NONE OF IT MATTERED#so yeah like i have been having fun with this season but i'm wary of everything#riverdale#riverdale 7x14#riverdale spoilers
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concept: take your kid to work day but you work for The Company
#lethal company#can you imagine though#like it’s objectively going to be bad no matter what you do no matter how safe you try to make it#they’re gonna have a bad time#like even if you tell them to stay on the ship there’s dogs and the possibility of masked men and giants outside#and you and your crew are inside risking your lives and you could all die and the kid is just sat inside the ship waiting for you#and like. if you give them a walkie so you can chat with them they’re going to hear a bunch of grown-ups shitting their pants#and possibly dying#also bonus point in my head i’m imagining like. what if the crew does die?? and they didn’t have enough for quota#so this kid knows they have to arrive with the quota their other parent will be waiting for them at the company#but they know something bad will happen if they don’t meet quota they just don’t know what#so it’s the final day and they decide they have to go to a moon as a last effort to try and make quota to avoid The Consequences#the kid writes the report about it and only gets a C. ‘vivid descriptions and very imaginative. next time write about your parent’s actual#job’
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shouldn’t have checked my bank account as expected my mother has taken thousands more dollars from my savings and has almost run me dry more or less. Cool!
#I’m going to fucking call the bank and ask about a second checking account because she’s never going to make her own fucking account#it’s been like a year since she said she would and it’s just not gonna happen#she owes me thousands of dollars via me paying her fucking overdraft fees and she always says ‘what you think I won’t pay you back?’ no!!!!!#no I don’t!!!!!!! because you literally never have!!!!!!!!!!!#and where the fuck are you going to get like 8000 dollars anyway. because that’s what she owes me at the very least#even if you want to factor in like. paying her monthly for the groceries she buys and cat food and whatever that’s still. thousands of#dollars. and the worst part about it is I just have no safety net anymore#because my savings is basically nothing at this point. like nothing that can help in a dire situation anymore.#I keep thinking about whatever im going to have to end up paying for top surgery and I WOULD have a significant amount saved up to#contribute to that but haha! no I don’t! it’s fucking gone!#and I’ve been getting paid basically fucking nothing lately because of how few hours they’re scheduling me so that does not fucking help#my last paycheck was literally like half of what I should be getting. I made like 1K in the past two paychecks. that’s fucking depressing#anyway I’ve given myself a headache#I’ve been avoiding looking at my bank account because I knew it would be bad and it’d stress me the fuck out but I also have been anxious#not knowing and my mother making a few vague comments that implied she must have fucked me over. so I checked today and yeah she sure did#if I don’t make a new checking account that she can’t access i am actually going to be broke within the nenxt few months at this rate#my head hurts and I am so upset I am so upset I work so fucking hard and it doesn’t even matter i just lose money constantly#I get nothing I just pay her fucking fees and pay for my tuition and pay for everything else of any significance#and I am not exaggerating I work my ass off. I am the only person I know at my job who begs to work holidays and extra days and stay as late#as possible and it . doesn’t even matter#im going to kill myself I swear to god. there’s shit I need to buy. what am I supposed to do.#kibumblabs#vent#like shit I need to buy for WORK. my manager is getting on me about not having proper shoes for example and yeah I can get a discount#through shoes for crews but I still dont have the fucking money for anything anymore#not unless I want to run myself into the fucking ground#I need a new binder badly. I need new black pants also for work since mine are so faded at this point.#I only have one fitted sheet that doesn’t have giant holes in it#I can’t stop thinking about my last paycheck it was literally the worst I’ve seen since starting this job a year ago. fucking infuriating
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#thinkinn abt changing my name#i have thought about it for 3yrs#but honestly.... last year i got so sidetracked and everything in my life fell away#its just that i dont fkn care abt anything#but being in love and filling my life with that#was what happened bc it is what i need and want lol#but now im like ok... back into the empty hollow of my so called life#my id card expires in mid november#so i have to send the application for name change now if i wanna do it#the thing is...#im attached to this name in english#it is nice sounding in english yeah. but in swedish is sounds like absolute garbage#i like the other name i've thought abt changing to foryears. it was what my mom was originally gonna call me#it soyunds better in swedish too#but tbh im also attached to it bc...#idk... feeling like her (that name) with him felt right and sounded right#and i loved that name in his mouth and him calling me that and it was nice and i couldve lived in that forever#but now thats gone#and tbh i cannot stay there all alone while he is gone and had left and is w someone else#i cant like not change my name simply bc it is painful that i will never hear him call me my new name#and i really did feelcomfortable inthat name and being her with him#but im never even gonna hear his voice again#am i just gonna listen to his old voice messages and cry and enjoy him calling me my name#while he has left and is in lobve with someone else#and is calling her HER name. no. i cant#i wanna cry just thinking abt that. i dont wanna let him or us go#but he made that choice for me and i cannot do anything abt it#no matter how fkn bad it hurts. how much i dont want to#im gonna have to move on and live my boring empty ass life without him lol#so yeah.. i should change my name
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I am so normal about this upload yea I'm perfectly fine rn yep
#chonny jash#now i gotta stay up till 6am for uploads gah#anyway about the video:#1. songs like this always make me sad but i mean at least its upbeat?#2. WHA BROS DANCING AND ROCKIN THE FITS WHAT#this dude can pull off multiple outfits & hair styles and i cant even do ONE what tf#Discovering my Gender with Chonny Jash#i am so worried he was gonna fall off the chair tho#3. i thought it was just me or the last vid but his accent is more obvious in these which is cool#cos he's not playing a character he's himself#3. uhhhh suck my balls#4. these songs make me feel bad but also like CJ I've been here for about 9 months and love even the shit like the mario album#im stuck here for AWHILE and im gonna like the music no matter what not even I can make myself leave#im trapped hel p#i still feel bad tho#is that a parasocial thing? i hope not#im too much of a baby lol#okay moss is shutting up now#KJ don't know how to shut his damn mouth
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Haiii hello :3 I’m back again with more stsg thoughts !! So,, I feel like we can all recognise that teen stsg are complete and utter losers BUT there are quite a few scenes in the anime that make it obvious that the both of them are capable of being serious to protect people when it’s necessary.. and it made me think of how they would react if you got seriously injured hmmm HMMMMM (this totally isn’t yummy to me because I wanna see feral protective stsg…. Totally…..) or maybe it’s a lil like when Toji told sugu that he killed satoru hhhh … like ur all on a mission together and u get separated somehow and satoru is like “where tf did y/n go 🙁🙁” and whoever they’re fighting comes outta nowhere like “oh I killed th-“ 💥💥💥💥💥💥 ‘n it turns out you’re just a little injured 😭😭 but I feel like they’d be sooo dramatic and worried about you :( and satoru “jokes” that now they won’t be able to leave u alone incase u get injured again…he’s just gonna have to keep an eye on u and protect u forever and ever (he means it) and sugu js goes full mother mode like he’s forcing u to stay in bed, makes you soup, reminds u to take pain meds and listens to every word of advice the doctor gives to help u recover from the injury 💔💔 hrherh I know this wasn’t as long as my usual asks but I thought it was cute and I’ve been thinking about the stupid losers all day… can’t wait to see the sashisu thing uve been working on too !! I love them sooo much I know shoko doesn’t get much love in this fandom :( loser boys (stsg) taking up too much of the spotlight smh…. Move outta the way…. It’s bae shokos turn…. (Joke I still love stsg💔) but she’s my cute tired loser wife with a coffee addiction and I hold her very dear to my heart she’s my princess with a disorder (the disorder is depression) hehe I hope u have a wonderful day/night/whatever time it is for uuu !! — stsg anon !! 💗🌸
had to go into pixlr to make this r u proud of me…. HEHEH STSG ANON MY SWEETIE my number one supplier of treats <33333 i loveloveloveeee feral protective stsg…. ure so real…… they’re both wolfboys at heart i think .
but ohhhh u always get them perfectly….. toru joking around to lighten to mood (but he’s actually not joking at all) while sugu goes mother hen mode……… :((( they’re both sooo so worried. there’s nothing they wouldn’t do to protect u!!!….. one scenario i keep thinking of is reader falling down a set of stairs or slipping on a patch of ice when it’s cold n slippery outside…. and spraining their ankle… so stsg has to take care of them and they’re both just. Wrecks. bc they feel sooo guilty and they hate seeing u in pain….. i imagine that it’d hit sugu extra hard so toru tries to be more serious and mature than usual to make up for it!! idk i just feel like sugu is especially prone to blaming himself over things like this :((( even if it wasn’t his fault at all…. and he tries to distract himself from the shame by tending to u like a baby chick. makes u food and carries u around the house…. sits u down on his lap and tries to distract u from the way his eyes gloss over w tears bc he can’t stop looking at the cast on ur foot and he just feels so incredibly guilty :((((((((….. sniffle. i wanna hug him.
i got carried away phfkdjkdkf BUT I LOVE YOUUU STSG ANON and i love this concept sm…….. they’re both papabears :((( i feel like satoru gets a lot more serious when you’re injured, while suguru gets more meek than usual…. it’s kind of a reversal of their usual roles but it’s great bc they balance each other out !! :3 like. in the scenario above i feel like satoru might get frustrated bc they told you to be careful not to slip on the ice or whatever but suguru is there to remind him that you’re in pain and that it was an accident :(( and when it’s a more minor injury i think suguru is the one to get slightly condescending bc why would you go out into the rain without a jacket?? /obviously/ you’d catch a cold, dummy. and satoru is there to defend your honour with his life LMAO…… they’re sooo so silly.
ALSOOOO STSG ANON ….. i’m so glad that ure excited for the sashisu fic 😭😭😭 that made me so happy!!! i agree sm, shoko is sooo underrated she’s my little meow meow i love her sm :((
she’s my cute tired loser wife with a coffee addiction and I hold her very dear to my heart she’s my princess with a disorder (the disorder is depression)
YOU’RE SO REALLLLL PDHFJJDJF MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER <3…. i knew i could trust u stsg anon, she’s SUCH a loser and we don’t talk abt it enough smh. she’s literally soooo similar to stsg like they’re all the same… soft sappy silly little losers…… oh how i love them so <33
#THANK U FOR THE FOOD BELOVED i hope u have a wonderful day/night too :33#it’s pretty late where i am but im gonna stay up a lil longer hehe#ALSOOOO STSG ANON pls dw abt the lenght of ur asks!! there’s never ever any pressure for u to send in long asks/stsg asks/anything at all!#ily and appreciate u always <333 it’s always fun talking to u no matter what!!!!!#but sighhh. feral stsg…. they make me so insane….. 😵💫😵💫😵💫#wolfboys truly. they’re Scary when they’re mad but they’d never be like that w u :((#but like. if someone were to catcall u….. or if a creep was talking to u…… ohhhh Boy#they can and WILL intimidate the hell out of said creep and probably scare u in the process LMAO#but then they’re back to being ur silly soft losers and it’s like ???? WHO R U ?#i love them so bad thank u for being insane abt them w me stsg anon#ask tag ✩#stsg anon !! ✩
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#what does one do when their perception cannot b trusted? im so physically and emotionally exhausted#and i can go from feeling hopelessly terminally bad to completely normal for no apparent reason. and on occasion i can go from normal to i#think i can stay up all night. i never have to sleep again. look how great i can focus. i could kill god.#and i have no emotional object permanence so it feels so stupid when im normal. i cant sympathize with myself in altered states of mind#and it doesnt matter but it makes me crazy the idea that i might not b bip0lar but i just push myself so far that under pressure my mind#splits into the catastrophically positive or negative. but i feel like this is how i have to live. i have to b perfect or pay a blood debt#and thats just how it is. and thats how its been. so at this point ive spend thr last idk 15 years of my life being d#some measure of miserable for no reason. i dont kno y i do this to myself and im 26 now and idk how to stop bc even pushing myself as hard#as i can im so far behind. how am i supposed to do less and not#and not just quit. im compulsive for a reason. there's a fundamental barrier between myself and understanding language but if i do more and#more and more then i can at least try to keep up with everyone else. idk im so tired. and im 26 and im afraid im stuck like this#and i cant even... its like ive split my head in 2 to cope. ive created distance within myself so that i cant fully feel how terrible i make#things for myself. half my brain is always like lol suffer idiot. it throws off my therapists bc i cant take my own pain seriously. ill#laugh and smile while im like yea i feel horrible like most of the time and i dont kno what to do lol. idk so it goes. i think im gonna stop#with the birth control tho. as it doesnt seem to help with my sadness levels. idk if ite making ot worse or not. guess well find out#itll b easier once i dont have to b trained on things. then i wont have to ask a question and burst into tears on my lab mate 🙄#unrelated
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woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
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