#it’s been like 7 years and i’m still gay as hell for them ah.... ...
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finished watching black sails a little while back and realized just how much i miss them
#james kidd#mary read#ac4#assassin’s creed black flag#my art#it’s been like 7 years and i’m still gay as hell for them ah.... ...#sorry but the black sails rendition just can’t compete
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#214
“Get in boy. We need to get on the road. No, no. Sit in the passenger seat. We are going to have ‘the talk’. Let me ask, how many loads did you get in there? What? You’re not going to answer me? You were in there sucking cocks through a glory hole. Even though I am doing my logs, I can see a number of other drivers walk out with their cocks still hard bulging their pants or with a wet spot. That shithouse is known for its glory hole. I stopped here to see if you were a fucking faggot whore, something I have suspected for some time....
“You pretty much confirmed that we need to have this talk. And when I say we need to talk, it’s just me. So shut the fuck up. OK here’s the deal. Your mom knows you are a fag. She went through your browser history on your laptop this weekend. She called me in to look at it. She told me that she wanted you out of the house, and that I should do it. She told me to take you on one of my trips and leave you in the middle of nowhere, and to tell you that faggots are not welcome in her home.
“Oh fuck, don’t you start crying. Faggot what I have to say, needs to be said. There will be plenty of time for crying later. There’s more. While she just saw the pages, I read them. Yes, I saw what you posted to some of those discussion groups. Damn fag boy! Your facial expression went from crying to shock to terror in just one second. Yup.
“You know what my favorite post was? Oh you know what I’m about to say. It’s the one that’s titled, ‘How do I seduce my truck driving step-dad?’ Yup, read that one a number of times. So, you’ve been swiping my dirty underwear and jerking off to the smell of my crotch and ass hunh? I also liked the part where you said that you wished that I would smack you around like I smack your mother around. Now faggot, if I had known that you wanted to get smacked around, I would have been taking my aggressions out on you instead of your mother.
“But that’s not going to happen. Your mother was so disgusted, and she never wants to see or hear from you again. Besides, you are eighteen, you need to be on your own. You need to figure out what you want to do with your life. Do you want to be locked up in your mother’s basement plotting ways to get your step-dad’s eight inch long, eight inches around, with a foreskin that over hangs by about a half inch dick?
“Yes, I read the countless posts where you go through various ways to figure out how big my cock is. I can’t get over how fucking fascinated you are with me. Oh yes, you’re a not only a faggot, but a twisted little kinky faggot to boot. Apparently, you want to drink my piss from the tap and eat my shithole too. Ok, my favorite, my absolute favorite part is when you were with me on a short run, and I had to piss like a race horse. I pissed right behind the tractor. And while I wasn’t looking you got a paper towel to soak it up to enjoy later. Faggot, that is some serious pig shit. Ha ha!
“Now for the second part of the talk. What? You don’t like having every little twisted jerk off fantasy exposed to your stepdad? Oh yes, there’s a second part. Again, how many loads of cum did you swallow at that rest area?… Don’t remember? Sure you do…. Four? You fucking whore. How many loads of piss did you swallow?… Just one? Wow. Let me ask this, was the cock that pissed down your throat about eight inches long and eight inches around with a foreskin overhang? That’s right faggot, you finally got to blow me… Ah! That’s the first time you are smiling. What you think I don’t play with faggots along the way?
“I promised your mother when I married her, that there wouldn’t be any other women. I said nothing about using faggots. The number of faggots I have bred in that cab back there is over a hundred. That’s just this year. Hell, I had this Mexican boy back there just two nights ago.
“So, here’s the deal. That was a test. You know how to handle a big cock, and you do it very well, surprisingly well for an 18-year old. I agreed to take you on this drive. And yes I am going to leave you. Unlike the middle of Wyoming, like your mom wanted, I was going to do it in a gay city. But that has changed.
“While you were working on cum loads three and four, I contacted Dirk, a bud of mine from way back. We used to team drive together. He and I also tagged teamed faggots. There’s not much room back there in these lower bunks. And we used to spit roast faggots all the time, spinning them around several times before we would nut.. We’ve gone our separate ways, but we still connect. And when we hook up, we usually tag team a faggot. I’ve worked it out so that for tonight, you will be that faggot.
“Then I’m passing you over to him. You’ll like him. Hell, if you lusted over me, you are going to melt over him. Remember I looked through your laptop including your saved pics. You definitely have a type, big burly trucker sums it up. You also like the daddy type that will smack the shit out of you. He’s definitely that. He’s in his mid-fifties. He’s a couple inches on my 6′1���. He’s hairy like me, I know you like hairy men. Last time I saw him naked I would say he’s around two eighty, with a driver belly, but not obese. His cock is a little longer than mine, but also a little narrower, and he’s cut. He’s got huge balls, probably the biggest I have ever seen. He’s rougher and way more of a pig than I am. He will require you to drink his piss and eat his shithole. He wouldn’t take you if you didn’t do that. He’s horny 24/7. You’ll probably be kept naked all the time.
“The thing is that he will care for you. Seriously. While he has a bunch of drivers lined up to use your holes, he will be there to make sure you are ok and completely and safely under his control. He’s very possessive, but I think that’s what you need.
“Kid, if things were different, I probably would have taken you instead of your mom. Oh well. At least I’ll see you when Dirk and I reconnect. So that’s the talk. Why don’t you crawl in the bunk and strip naked. Jerk off as much as you can. Dirk doesn’t like his faggots to cum, your pecker will probably be caged while you are with him. I don’t care one way or the other. If you reach in the corner of the bunk, you will find a pair of my old undies that I prepared for you. Piss stains and skid marks, just how you like them. You can take them with you to remember me.”
This story is followed up in Story #250.
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8 Shows to know you
@j-ellyfish tagged me and my slow ass is finally filling this out.
1. Star Trek (Mostly TOS, but also TNG, DS9, and Voyager. Sorry, but the new stuff just doesn’t look like Star Trek to me.)

This was my first fandom I guess?? I didn’t actually interact with anyone since this is before I ventured onto the depths of the interwebs. I was 10 years old and everyone kept calling me a Vulcan because of how literal I was. I did not know what a Vulcan was but soon found out and got my grubby hands on every piece of media I could find at the local library. I probably watched every VHS and read every novel they had. Spock is still my favorite to this day. I wrote my freaking GED essay about him.
2. Redwall

I might have been even younger when I got into this than when I got into Star Trek. This is just so unknown no one knows what I’m talking about lolol. It was more the books than the show, but it has a short animated series so it still counts. I was obsessed with this. I made forts out of logs by the stream across the street from my house and swords out of wood and play-fought my brother with them.
3. Teen Titans

This was probably my segue into anime. Yes, this isn’t actually an anime, but since it incorporates anime aspects it got me used to them?? I was very into superheroes in general when I was like 12 to 15 or so, but these were my top fave. Controversial opinion: DC is better than Marvel. I made my very first OC based on Teen Titans I think she might have been partly Star Trek too lol. I also started drawing people because of this show. Before that I only drew horses and wolves.
4. InuYasha

My very first anime. It all started when I saw a manga at the library and then looked up the anime on YouTube. Ah, the memories of watching an episode in three parts and you’d never know if it would be the dub or the sub. This was the first fandom where I actually joined the interwebs and interacted with human type people. The internet in 2006 was a very different place lol. I got my first email address (which I still have lol) to join this website called Fanart Central so I could post my InuYasha fanart. I found my first online friends there too. I miss them...
5. Pokémon
I’m not entirely sure how I managed to watch as much of this as I did, but I only gave up when I got to Alola. The original is my favorite, but I also liked some of the newer stuff too. I drew art for Pokémon too and let me tell you, it’s the most toxic hell hole of a fandom ever. I’ve never gotten flames before Pokémon, all for liking an unpopular ship lol. The internet in 2010 was the Wild West.
6. Yu-Gi-Oh!

Holy crap was I into Ygo. I still have my room covered in it lol. I still love it to bits, but I’ve calmed down a lot. I have a lot of cards too and I do know how to play, but not competitively and I don’t know anyone in person who wants to duel me :( I got into cosplay because of Ygo and made my first cosplay (Joey Wheeler) in 2013. I apparently like to suffer because Ygo cosplays are NOT easy. I made my still best friend in this fandom. Seriously, this is one of the best fandoms out there, most everyone is so nice.
7. Supernatural

(Don’t look at me, I know pfft). I can’t deny how much I like this show... it’s honestly the one I’ve rewatched the most times. I no not know why. I guess it’s just easy to binge lol. You can blame my group of gay guy friends back in 2013 for me getting into this. It’s also why I got Netflix, and tumblr. And here I still am...
8. Hetalia
Oh wow, a Hetalia blog having Hetalia on the list, weird. Got into this at the crusty old age of 28, so I don’t have the nostalgia for it like a lot of y’all. I fell hard pretty fast. I also have made way more friends than probably any other fandom I’ve been in? Probably because I stuck my head out of my shell for a bit lol.
I tag no one because I’m lazy, do it if you want and you can blame me pfft.
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v3′s art is comically terrible for a professionally distributed game in a series: a compilation
in this not-essay I will list all of the mistakes and problems I have spotted in v3′s art. don’t worry, it’s entirely for fun and I’m doing this on a whim, so please feel free to not take this seriously but also it’s hilarious and embarrassing how ridiculous this is like what happened did they speedrun the whole production or what
see, there are some things you can take as meta like “they made it bad on purpose to allude to the downfall of tv shows that have been on air for much too long” but I have a very strong feeling this is not the case due to the nature of some of these errors
disclaimer, the more I study this art, the more I fear that the artists were underpaid and underslept, so if this is in fact the case, I am so sorry to all of them but also I’m going to make fun of the art anyway
anyway let’s get started!
if you study this image for longer than 5 seconds, you will see that kaede is the only one fully shaded and keebo is literally just his normal sprite pasted into the image. every other character is just an ordinary ref, hence most of them facing the exact same direction with neutral expressions on their faces. it looks like a bad edit, and is probably one of the worst pieces of art in the game. it kind of gets better from here on, but my roasting will not.
with that out of the way, here’s the problem that officially bothers me the most and clarifies my viewpoint of “this is not meta and an actual lack of company communication”
this freaking cg, which seems normal at a glance, but some wiseass was like “oh, kaede is a girl, so obviously she’s going to be shorter than the Male Protagonist™” ah, that’s funny. because if you look at the character bios, kaede is, in fact, one inch taller than shuichi and not like 6 inches shorter as she is shown here.
also shuichi’s shoulder is disproportionate and horrendous and he looks vaguely like a jojo character, but I wasn’t even thinking about that until right now.
thanks guys, 50% of the fandom who has never bothered to check these bios thinks that kaede is like 5′3 (did the developers really put so little thought into her to the point where drawing her correctly in the game didn’t even matter??)
also I would like to point out that, even though this isn’t related to the art itself, yes, a character kaede’s size being only 117 lbs is unfeasible, but this applies to literally every character in danganronpa ever and it’s not new news that it’s unrealistic
update: someone in the tags informed me that in versions of the game that use centimeters, like the japanese version, kaede is actually shorter than shuichi, which just adds another thing to the list of weird decisions the localization team made for no reason. that said, after confirming this, kaede is 167 cm in the original, while shuichi is 171 cm, which are approximately 5′6 and 5′7 respectively, but one inch is still nowhere near as drastic as it is depicted above. (in spite of this, I would rather depict kaede as slightly taller, so I’m probably going to keep doing that.)
the journey continues!
bro if you want kaede to have shoulder length hair then stick to it to begin with
you can pretend this is at an angle all you want but they definitely committed the shorter kaede sin a second time
wait a goddamn second.
DO YOU SEE THIS
no………… it wasn’t kaede who shrank. it was shuichi who got taller
speaking of which, can we talk about how shady the perspective is in this elevator pic? look at shuichi and kokichi in comparison to kaede. kokichi, who is canonically 7 inches (edit: or 5, if you’re loyal to the original) shorter than kaede, looks taller than kaede. he’s growing too. what steroids are these gays taking
running into the room, electric boogaloo: I don’t think tsumugi is supposed to be the same height as kokichi
gonta… gonta you’re lookin a bit like a jojo character there
I love how kaito’s head looks kind of like it was pasted onto his body. why is he the same size as shuichi? shouldn’t he be high school bully size or something? his torso is teensy
ah yes, white angie.
I love this cg but why is shuichi’s right hand so much bigger than his left hand
I also love how this cg looks like they literally took pictures of trees and pasted them into the background, especially on the left. the shadows are so weird, especially closer to the ceiling, it’s difficult for me to believe they didn’t do exactly that.
return of Enlarged shuichi
puberty update: kokichi is now taller than shuichi in spite of shuichi never missing leg day. what crimes will he commit
I have to mention it, guys. this has to be one of the worst danganronpa cgs. kokichi’s facial proportions look atrocious. look at the way his face sticks out like his jaw is in the wrong place. his scarf is a pasted texture. that’s it. this moment was so iconic but the cg just looks so… so… off. like something is terribly wrong, but you can’t put your finger on it.
you know what? let’s get into that ‘pasted texture’ thing.
let’s imagine you’re an artist working on a professional game. you’re assigned to draw cgs of kokichi ouma, who has a checkered scarf from hell. sure, it will be terrible to draw, but you only have to draw it once at a time! plus, perspective is pretty important, right? can you be bothered? nah, actually. let’s just copy paste a checkered pattern into the cg, because I’m sure nobody will notice. it’ll blend right in with the other cgs that someone actually put effort into drawing his scarf in, right?
no. the answer is no and I very much noticed. this genuinely looks terrible and I would understand taking a shortcut like that in fanart or even an indie game but this is a full price pc and console distributed game
(an addition: look at kokichi’s TINY HANDS in that last one)
meanwhile, they straight up forgot to color in kokichi’s scarf in this cg.
dude. I forgot about whatever the hell this cg was. anyway look at keebo please just look at him
lovin kaito’s baby arms
real talk, maybe you could argue that he’s missing muscle because he’s deathly sick, but most of his cgs don’t line up with this, and his arms just look disproportionate to his torso size (granted this is a consistent problem across all danganronpa games and a lot of characters have this weird problem, like hajime, but also kaito is bigger than hajime so I kind of have higher expectations of him) maybe it’s his stupid goatee and the way he reminds me of yasuhiro?? it creates this illusion that he’s older than he is and so I keep expecting him to look more like an adult
oh, also rantaro is missing some of his accessories in that video he made–you know the one–but I don’t wanna go back and screenshot it
also you may have noticed that I’m skipping all of the monokub cgs because I literally do not care about them and I’m not even bothering to check and see if they have artistic mistakes in them
JIMMY NEUTRON???
hey um uh kaito you seem to be missing your neck
hey guys do you like my pregame fanart
so, that done, the sprites are also pretty terrible at times. they’re not as interesting to go through, however, and downloading the full sprite sets for every character and studying every single one of them will drive me insane, so I’ll just sum some of the ones I noticed up. I made things for kaede and shuichi before deciding I wasn’t going to get into it, so here are these.
that said, other mistakes include kokichi missing his purple highlights in all of the sprites encompassing a specific pose, stray pixels all over the place on everyone, and everyone also has heavily inconsistent shading, but literally all I think about is how pregame shuichi is unshaded and two of kaede’s pregame sprites have glaring outfit change mistakes in them
anyway, thank you for taking the time to read my ridiculous ramble. in all seriousness, there’s this looming presence of some lack of communication in the development team, like with all the art and design inconsistencies, pieces and sprites that look rushed, stray pixels, and missing basic proportional stuff. these are the kinds of things that you supposedly have to pretty much have in the bag in order to get jobs in professional businesses, so it’s really weird to me that this game suffers from so many of these problems. it’s like they tried to make the art so much more crisp than the other games, but it fell on its face as they realized it was going to take longer to draw everything and they started to rush. it’s weird, because the coloring itself looks normal–it’s just sloppily drawn, and the proportions are a mess once put into the context of perspective. many of the cgs look like they were drawn by different people, and I’m still not over the fact that half of kokichi’s cgs have his scarf pasted in as a texture.
the moral of the story is that if you’re selling a game at full price that also happens to be in a series that has had 3 very good games in it already the stakes should probably be higher than this. v3 has been out for more than 3 years and it’s still $40 (did it cost more than that before? I sure hope not), and the overarching quality of the game is just not as high as the other games. I’m not saying that the other games don’t have any problems with their art at all, they’re just not as glaringly obvious and every artistic choice in those games feels intentional.
regardless, I had a blast roasting the art at 2am, so maybe you got a kick out of all this chaos.
#god I keep telling myself I'm gonna stop rambling about v3#v3 spoilers#drv3 spoilers#ndrv3#random stuff#but making this… it sounded so fun#danganronpa
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Reading Siege and Storm because I hate myself
To begin, I’d like to state that this is my first read-through and I only have vague idea of the plot I’ve gathered from fanfics and tumblr posts.
Long post ahead
Chapter 1
So... at first I was like - huh, this isn’t as bad as I thought, but the moment Alina gets introspective, it all goes to hell.
Like, she’s being physically made sick by not using her powers, which is making her feel useless - like, she says, pretty much verbatim: “The only thing I was ever good at was being a Sun Summoner and I’m not that anymore.”
I’m gonna beat those paragraphs over the head of anyone, who says Alina got a good ending.
I’ve also noticed just how often the like “I pushed that thought away” is used and more often than not, it’s used on thoughts that should probably not be pushed away.
Ah, yes, here he comes, my boy Darkles, being the dramatic bitch he always is. We get it, you’re the hot villain, tempting the good and pure heroine away from being good and pure.
And I’m just now realizing how many times in this chapter has Alina lamented their lack of privacy. We have to ensure the reader doesn’t hink she’s *gasp* sleeping with Mal.
Chapter 2
What?
Alina is tripping balls while being put under by a Heartrender, got it.
Darkling is being the voice of reason, but I’m getting the distinct feeling it won’t last.
Ivan gets one point, because Alina is in fact a traitor, but he’s also being a cunt, so it doesn’t really count.
Alina at Sturmhond: Do you even care about Ravka?
Me at Alina: Do you?
Chapter 3
“Mermaids are not real”. I’m pretty sure they are in the Grishaverse.
My boy Darkles is still making sense, but Alina is dedicated to being against him just for the hell of it, it seems.
Did this bitch just throw a tantrum, because he told her, what we can assume is the truth? Okay. Like, I get that she’s at best 18, but still. Not exactly the type of protagonist whose head I like being in.
And in that moment, dozens of smut fics were born.
Chapter 4
Wow, that was quick.
Aaand. What had just happened?
Chapter 5
Sturmhond is a funny bitch, I’ll give him that.
And this entire conversation, it seems like Mal’s entire purpose is to stand behind Alina threateningly and repeat what she said, lol.
I’d like to remind Alina (and LB) that a king in an absolutist monarchy (which is what Ravka appears to be) is very much a tyrant. Don’t make it sound like Ravka didn’t have a tyrant before. And at the very least, my boy Darkles seems pretty competent.
A man calling himself a Storm Dog likes dogs. No shit.
Chapter 6
I hate Mal. Dude, this is your girlfriend, maybe like... listen to her? Don’t bludgeon her with the one other guy she was kinda-sorta with, when you are a well known manwhore?
I don’t know man, I don’t like him.
Everyone: You can’t have more than one amplifier, it’s dangerous.
Alina: Haha, sparkles go brrrr
Chapter 7
In other news, pirates are funny.
Holy shit, they have a plane.
That was... a lot. And we’re crossing the Fold again, yay.
Chapter 8
You feel bad for the Volcra but not for the people you’ve left for dead in the Fold last time? Okay.
Baby Volcra. Am I supposed to say “ew” or “aww”? If I tried doing both at the same time, it would probably sound like one.
Jesus fucking Christ this book is a ride.
Did Alina really just have an “oh no, he’s hot?” moment? *sighs*
Puppy boy has a title longer than Daenerys, jesus.
Alina, my dear, you could have waited for a bit before doing that. There’s like thirty soldier with guns around you and you’ve just punched a prince.
Then again, you’ve never been smart, have you?
Chapter 9
For once, I completely agree with him. I know you two have lost your one shared braincell on that first crossing of the Fold but still, that was very dumb of you, Alina.
I’m starting to get why people were calling Nikolai “Darkling light”. Definitelly seems appropriate.
Mal, calm the fuck down, that was the least romantic proposal I’ve ever heard and you know it.
You two didn’t even let Alina get a word in for the last page. What right do you have to her, Mal, huh? Nikolai is making sense and you’re being an idiot.
What’s your deal Mal? What the fuck do you want?
And why in the hell are you the endgame love interest?
That’s an awful lot of guilt-tripping you’re doing there, Mal. No need to be pissy about it.
Chapter 10
The bones thing is definitelly yikes.
Saints, Mal, are you on your period or something? Alina doesn’t belong to you. Alina can make her own choices. Get a grip.
“You think I’m like the Darkling?” Yes. The Darkling isn’t all bad. You’re at war. No need to get your panties in a twist over a few fingers.
Oh, look, Alina has a cult now, nice.
Chapter 11
Your “dad” is a rapist, Nikolai. Quite possibly a pedo. He got exactly what he deserved.
I’d go for the second option. Especially after that stunt. Jesus, you could have asked her beforehand.
At least Darkles had the decency to make out with her in private.
Also like... why is every single person in this series so far an asshole?
Chapter 12
We meet the King again, unfortunately.
Alina gets Darkles’s old job.
This should be a total disaster, but let’s see where it goes anyway.
Chapter 13
Alina’s nuts, yay.
(I know they have a Force-bond-thingy. I also know they did it before Reylo did.)
Chapter 14
Oh boy, Alina’s not doing as bad as I thought.
For the 100th time in this book, I wish I had Nikolai’s confidence. Though it is getting a bit too much.
Puppy boy is dropping some truth bombs. Nice.
But he doesn’t realize that my boy Darkles has very good reasons to not align with Fjerdans - a) they think he’s a demon and b) they want Grisha dead.
I’m not gonna say she was, but like... the monarchy is very much corrupt.
Oh, boy, Baghra. This one’s gonna go well.
Yep, Baghra’s as pleasant as ever.
So... Baghra’s plan in book 1 really had been to just have Alina run away and hope for the best? Jesus Christ, lady. I’m not saying she deserved to have her eyes taken away, but she is definitelly a trash person and I’m not surprised her son turned out the way he did.
Also, I’m fairly certain that Baghra is literally slowly killing herself - that the reason she looks so old and frail is because she’s started to supress her power and it’s literally killing her, because, you know, she’s bonkers old.
Chapter 15
Nerd Alina > Self-pitying Alina
Also, I’m just saying, Alina comments on Zoya being attractive a whole lot - I get that she’s meant to be insecure, but I’m interpreting it as her being gay, because I need some happiness in my life, okay?
Just kill the sleazy old Rasputin-wanna-be. There’s plenty of them to go around in this series.
Chapter 16
Vasily takes after his father in creep factor.
Why not the Darkling being courted by a horny prince? Be a bit creative.
Chapter 17
Nikolai has big ADHD energy and I love him for it. Fits right in with the heavily autism-coded Fabricators.
*sighs at heteronormativity again*
*sighs at improper gendering of titles*
Date night with Mal. This is gonna be a disaster, isn’t it?
Chapter 18
Fun night of cultural appropriation, yay.
I hate cultists.
LET. ALINA. GO. FERAL. Please.
You two are going to give me a headache, I swear.
Darkles cockblocking Alina. And Malice threw a tantrum. Nice.
Chapter 19
You’re way too harsh on Genya, Alina.
Horny Alina rights.
They have a laser, now. Cool. Or, well, enormously hot.
Mal is being a drunk a-hole. Great. When does he become likable? Does he ever?
Banter between Mal and Alina? Kinda weird, always somehow comes back to either of them being insecure.
Banter between Alina and Nikolai? I’m all for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Darklina trash, but like... Nikolai is fun. I could see him and Alina having an arranged political marriage and ending up falling in love years into it, that’s all I’m saying.
Chapter 20
Just let this one go, Alina, please. You two are not working out. Please, end it with him. You’ll both probably be happier. (I’m saying this with the full knowledge that Malina is endgame).
Jesus Alina, get your shit together. You have every right to be mad, because you two didn’t actually break up, you didn’t kiss Nikolai and also, I don’t like Mal.
Sooo... when is Alina going to realize her manchild of a boyfriend is an amplifier?
Chapter 21
Alina has the horny sickness, lol.
Jesus Christ, girl, I don’t want to read your vaguely suicidal thoughts.
Mal, you fucking idiot.
Alina, stop defending Mal.
Chapter 22
Alina has a logical thought? Impossible.
Finally, some action.
Chapter 23
Oh, boi, this is going great.
Oh, boi, Alina’s having another martyr moment.
And, we’re done.
Finally.
That was a ride. Nothing really happens for like ten chapters and then everything happens in one and a half.
#shadow and bone#grishaverse#siege and storm#review#darklina#anti mal#I guess#reading binges like this yeet me right back into middle school
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𝕞𝕦𝕥𝕖


track 18: feelings?


Kenma has never really been a people person. Yeah, over the years he’s gotten better with ‘human interaction’ , but he would still prefer to be alone. There were very few people whose company he didn’t mind, and recently he had been contemplating whether you should be added to the list. Though that idea has been teetering in and out of his mind given the fact you two hadn’t actually hung out in person. Actually, save for the one pants-less interaction, neither of you had ever been in the same room together. But still, he kinda likes you. More than a friend, he’d like to think. Though the idea scared the fuck out of him, he would actually like to take you on a real date. One that didn’t result in your dinner being up in flames.
Maybe he’d even take you to a cutesy café in Tokyo. Like the one he was currently sitting in. Eating apple pie. Across from a girl. A girl who definitely wasn’t you.
“Honestly, I don’t know why you didn’t just become a model.” After the photoshoot, Etsuko insisted on getting a bite to eat. Something about wanting to catch up because it’s been a whole year. He didn’t really understand why, he knew for a fact Kuroo called her every time something juicy happened to him. Whatever that meant. Besides, he couldn’t turn down a slice of his favorite food.
“Because wearing stupid clothes and standing in front of a camera for hours is not my ideal career, ‘Tsuko.” He took another bite of what was left of his slice. He’s glad he chose to sit in a booth away from the windows, he had already been recognized twice on the way here. It’s why he did his best to avoid walking through the city. Especially dressed like this.
“C’mon, Kenmaaaa, the button up is cute. You look like a businessman.” She snorts through her smoothie straw.
“I am a businessman. I’m quite literally a CEO.” He gives her a deadpan stare before taking a sip from his own milkshake. “I don’t know how your rooster boy manages to wear this stupid getup 24/7. I’m suffocating in these slacks.” He’d been pulling at the tight-fitting pants all day, but the magazine suggested he look professional for the shoot.
“What’s the matter, Kenma? Too much junk in the front?” Etsuko wiggles her eyebrows at him. She always did have the dirtiest mind.
“Gross, ‘tsuko.” He squints at her and shakes his head.
“Speaking of your little fella, when was the last time you got laid, baby boy?” Despite her suggestive tone, Kenma knew she was genuinely curious. She was the one who told him what sex was anyway. Gross, he shudders at the memory.
“Is that an offer, ‘Tsuko?” He knew it wasn’t, and he knew even if it was the answer would be no, but he was deflecting.
“Only if you let me post it on the hub.” She winks at him and slurps at her empty cup for emphasis. “Quit deflecting, Kenma, I heard about your lil boo thang.” She cracks up at her own joke and asks the waiter for a refill.
Kenma scrunches his nose in disgust. “Don’t call her that.” Yeah, you guys weren’t dating, and yeah, you probably didn’t even know he liked you, but still.
“Look at you, defending her honor, how sweet.” She mockingly shakes her head at every word. “I heard you stole her from little rooster boy.” She leans in towards him, like it was some big secret.
“Of course he exaggerated that, he’s the one who set her food on fire. Besides, she texted me first.” He recounts the way he freaked the fuck out when he saw you texted him. His demeanor was always more calm over the internet, probably why he had millions of fans, but he was still an antisocial wreck IRL.
“Ahh, so she’s ballsy, huh. Who knew little Kenma liked bold girls? Tell me about her.” She leans her head into her palm. To anyone else she would’ve dropped it already, losing interest. But this was Kenma, she was always poking her nose into his business.
“She’s a med student, same age as me. Friend of a friend, I guess. “ He shrugs. He figured that would keep her dormant enough to change the subject.
“You got yourself a smarty pants. Cute, but that’s not what I wanted to know.” She raises her eyebrow at him. “Do you like her? Is this just a hump and dump? You gonna marry her?” Her eyes got wider with every question, it kinda freaked him out.
Damn, he thought he could dodge it, but Etsie has always been super pushy. “I don’t know. I mean I'm definitely not gonna hit it & quit it. I haven’t even hung out with her for real. And dude, I’m 23, m’not thinking about marrying anyone at the moment.” He held his breath and figured that was enough. He was not ready to admit it out loud yet.
“Ah ah ah, you skipped a question, baby boy.” She gives him a devilish grin and leans in even closer. “I won’t tell a soul.”
Okay, even if she was a bit much, Etsuko never spilled Kenma’s secrets. To anyone. Not even Kuroo. But it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. It was just... Was he ready to admit he had feelings? It's only been a few months, and he hadn’t even spoken to you in person. So what if he texted and called you 24/7? Wouldn’t it be too early? You’d probably be freaked out if he went ahead and confessed his feelings so early on.
Ah, fuck it.
“Yeah, ‘Tsuko. I like her. Like a lot. She’s funny as hell, smart as shit, and she gets me. Plus she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever met. Like, prettier than you.” He knows that would probably offend any other girl, but he was only ever straight up with ‘Tsuko.
“EEK!” Etsuko lets out a pig squeal that has other customers staring in confusion. She balls her fists up and starts shaking aggressively. “My baby boy has a crush! EEK! I’m so proud of you.” She leans over the whole table and grabs Kenma’s face, placing a loud kiss on his forehead.
He flicks her forehead and smiles. “Shut up, it’s not like this is the first crush I’ve ever had.”
“I take pride in being your first crush, little bro.” She places her hand on her chest in mock pain, but the grin on her face exposes itself.
“When you put it like that it sounds like incest. I was 8, you weirdo. ” Both were true, when Kenma first met Etsuko he developed a crush on her. (Mostly because she was the only girl who he’d ever interacted with.) It only lasted a month anyway; he eventually got annoyed with how much her and her brother were at his house. Now, after 15 years of being stuck with Kuroo, Kenma could only ever see them both as the siblings he never had.
“Still, I was your first love, Kenma.” She looks off dramatically into the distance, as if she was having a flashback.
“You’re gay.” The smirk on his face gives off his slight amusement with her stupidly dramatic antics.
“Now, “ She slams her hands on the table, causing more people to stare and the silverware to rattle, “Aren’t you going to ask me about my lovelife?”
“No, I don’t care.” He snorts at the hurt look on her face.
“Well, my girlfriend is doing WONDERFUL, Kozume Kenma, thanks for asking.” She crosses her arms and sticks her nose in the air.
“Yeah, whatever, you’re paying.” He pulls out his phone to see if there are any texts from you. On cue, the notification on his phone displays your name. He grins down at the unopened text, not even bothering to hide his happiness from Etsuko.
Mid-rant about how he should pay because he’s got all the money, she stops and stares at him. A soft smile appears on her face, a swell of pride shoots through her. She only ever saw Kenma as a baby brother, and was genuinely happy for his growth over the years.
Suddenly, Kenma’s phone flashes with your contact, a facetime call from you.
“I gotta take this.” He moves to sit up, but looks up at Etsuko at the last second.
She grins and nods towards the door.
“Go get em, tiger.”


𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘: kozume kenma x medstudent!f!reader
𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥: send an ask to be added!
𝕤𝕪𝕟𝕠𝕡𝕤𝕚𝕤: enroute to being a neurosurgeon, y/n l/n doesn’t have time for fun, let alone dating. after her friends set her up on a blind date gone wrong, she comes face 2 face with none other than her date’s best friend. her world flips on axis, and suddenly she has no idea how her brain works, or love-at-first-sight.


𝕒/𝕟: this was probably rlly poorly written LMFOAD
taglist!
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#mute#social media au#smau#kenma kozume#haikyuu!! smau#kozume kenma#kenma kozume x reader#kenma smau#kenma x reader#kenma kozume smau#kozume x reader#kozume kenma smau
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We just changed

Timeskip Osamu x fem! Reader
Warning⚠️: angst
Part 6
A/N: this is where i get in lmao😂, thank you again to this angel @iis4d for proofreading this❤️ imma be watch jjk and make u fic don’t worry
Am i the pathetic one? Or you? I want my love to change...

It has been two months since that awful night, since that last heated argument and the last time you saw him face to face.
You’ve been doing fine unlike the past month, trying new stuffs and focusing on yourself. You got a part time job as a tutor so that atleast helped the two with the bills, futakuchi and aone was helping you with all their might which you definitely appreciated.
Futakuchi didn’t mentioned that he met your ex, it wasn’t that important so why would he? He’s still keeping his promise more like a declaration to osamu that he’ll make sure that you’re gonna be ok, you’ll be fine under his care and he plans to keep it that way.
“Oho~ what did you just say? You’re going to tokyo?”
You rolled your eyes at the irritating remark from your cousin, as much as possible Futakuchi wanted to volunteer on going to tokyo on your behalf again, but you insisted.
“Yes i am and don’t worry tokyo is big it’s not like I’m going to bump to my ex anytime soon”
That’s what you thought, you were at a shopping district trying to buy cheap things that caught your attention and to be honest it’s not like you’re gonna use them anyways but hey wasting money is fun.
But your attention was averted to a certain girl, you would have just ignored her but no, something caught your attention and it was the person who’s she with.
And without any second thoughts your feet unconsciously went up to them and now, now you are infront of them.
“Can we help you?”
“Um yes uh can i talk to you for a moment?”
They looked at each other before turning to you, before her partner was about to say something.
“Sure, baby can you wait here this will be quick i promise”
“Alright then”
She dragged you to the restroom which was miraculously empty, you don’t know what’s going on your mind yet you were to focused on wanting to talk to her.
“So? What do want to talk about?”
“What happened to you and osamu? Did you two broke up?”
It was a bit sudden but certainly you caught her off guard by those questions.
“Ahh~ so you’re the girlfriend”
She had an amused smile plastered on her face as she scanned you, pursing your lips you hesitated to answer nevertheless you still did.
“Yes but—“
“Hold on judging your from your expression it’s ex girlfriend now huh?”
You nodded slowly, she just scoffed and the way that she looks, she looks a bit offended.
“Right before anything else I’m Aj”
She offered her hand which you awkwardly accepted with a forced smile.
“Y/N, nice to meet you”
“So what was your question again?”
“Did you and Osamu break up?”
“We weren't even dating in the first place”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me”
Shocked as you try to process that one sentence she just said. They weren’t dating? How come? They were just fine the last time you saw them, they even look like they were.
“You two...weren’t dating?”
“No.”
“How come-“
“Ah so you saw us? Figured.”
Aj sighed, she was expecting that you’ll eventually catch them red handed, she was surprised that you hadn't lashed out on her already.
“Osamu and I were just fuck buddies, no strings attached.”
This was confusing to you, they were so intimate, you assumed that they were dating behind your back. Aj caught up with the expression on your face and immediately knew what’s going on.
“We met at the bar, he approached me and started flirting to which I flirted back of course...”
She clicked her tongue and looked away, it was clear that she was irritated talking about that.
“I’ve always wanted to meet you, you know.”
“What?”
She looks at you with guilty eyes, was she guilty about stealing Osamu from you? Does she want to apologize to you? You never blamed anyone for this, especially not her.
“I... I didn’t know Osamu had a girlfriend”
This left you dumbfounded, so she never knew about your existence? You should have expected something like this because it hurts hearing something like this from her.
“When we met at the bar I had asked him if he was seeing anyone, of course if he had said yes, I wouldn’t be flirting back, I would have immediately said no, I’m not that kind of a person who’s going to fuck someone that's already in a relationship heck even someone that's married! I’m not that fucking low.”
You could tell that she was serious, frustrated even. You just stayed silent waiting for her to continue.
“He told me that he was single.”
Aj mocked the word single as she rolled her eyes remembering that horrible memory.
“So I flirted back as i never knew that he had a girlfriend of...?”
“S...six years”
And with a scoff Aj sarcastically laughed, unbelievable that asshole cheated on a girl he’s been dating for six fucking years?! What a joke! What a fucking joke!
“This is the worst am I right?”
“Yeah”
“So..anything else? what do you want to know?”
“How long have you been...fuck buddies?”
Aj was hesitating if she should answer that question or not, either way both are painful options so she just choose to answer your question.
“Two months”
Two months, he’s been cheating on you for two months which means those I love you's and kisses were already shallow, those hugs and I miss you's was never genuine.
“Two months...I see”
“I’m sorry”
“No don’t be, it wasn’t your fault”
“But-“
Aj chose to shut up, this is not the right time to argue if she was at fault or not since you were trying to process the information she just gave to you.
“Just awhile ago you told me you wanted to see me..why?”
“Well that’s because I became aware of your existence”
“Someone told you about me, who?”
“I don’t know who but he was tall and got this slanted eyes.”
The first person that came into your mind who fitted Aj’s description.
“Rin”
“He came to me and told me about you.”
It was the same day Osamu left her apartment early in the morning.
“How can i help you?”
“Leave Osamu alone or just don’t involve yourself with him anymore”
“Um excuse me?”
Whoever this man is he got the nerve to say that to her early in the morning.
“Ok mister whoever the hell are you, what’s your relationship with him anyways? Why are you telling me to not get involved with him anymore?”
Before suna could react AJ suddenly gasped.
“ARE YOU PERHAPS G—“
“No I’m not gay! And no I don’t like Osamu in that way! I’m just.........a colleague”
“Huh then can you tell me why did you say that earlier?”
“Because Osamu has a girlfriend”
“What?”
And then suna told her everything, right after that she decided that the next time she and Osamu will meet, she’ll end whatever things they had.
Apparently when she and Osamu met again, Osamu was also thinking the same thing.
She looked at the man infront of her clearly didn’t have the energy to even look at her.
“So you have a girlfriend”
That’s when osamu’s eyes shots at aj, he did consider the possibility of aj knowing about you but he didn’t expect that she would have known this early
“How—“
“So you were lying?”
“Aj..”
“You were right?”
“Yeah”
Aj pushed her hair back and clicked her tounge, unbelievable fucking unbelievable! So she was fucking someone who’s already taken? Great! Fucking great.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“....”
“Oh now you’re not gonna answer?”
“Alcohol...”
“Oh yeah? You were pretty sober to me that time osamu”
He avoided his gaze,
“Ok sure let’s say you were DRUNK at that time....how come you still kept it a secret for two fucking months?”
“I..i—“
“Oh! So you were playing with me? Sure i fuck everybody but i will never fuck someone who’s in a relationship osamu and you FUCKING know that”
“Yeah i do”
“Then why?!”
“I...i don’t know”
Aj scoffed,
“You don’t know? You don’t know? Hahahaha BULLSHIT I don’t believe that you did not know, that's bullcrap osamu”
“I was just caught up in lust and—“
“Fuck you”
Osamu lowered his head to avoid her glare, right..fuck him and his life he deserves this.
“Let’s end this bullshit osamu”
He nodded in agreement.
“Yeah...you’re right”
Aj was about to leave but one last time she turned around to face osamu again.
“Just one more thing before I go”
Aj instantly slapped Osamu hard on the face, Osamu on the other hand didn’t do anything.
“Asshole.”
“I know.....I’m sorry.”
She couldn't believe that she was deceived by some jerk, she never really wanted that to happen if only she had known about Osamu’s relationship.
“Thanks to that jerk my trust issues are way worse now”
“Tell me about it”
Aj patted you on the shoulder and gave you a small smile.
“I’m sorry that happened and I’m glad i got to talk to you”
“Thank you for telling me Aj”
“Might be too late though but you did deserve to know the truth."
You just nodded and returned a small but genuine smile, you were both victims of the same man, she didn’t do anything wrong, she just knew nothing.
“Funny huh?”
“What is?”
Aj looked at you with a small smile.
“We’re both been lied to by the same guy”
“Victims of the same guy”
“Yeah...”
You two stood there a couple of minutes before AJ turned to the sink and started to wash her hands.
“Well i think I already told you what you wanted to know.”
She started to wipe her hands then looks at you.
“I’m glad you broke up with Osamu, you deserve someone better”
“Thank you, you too.”
“Oh darling hahahaha...I’m not planning on finding the right person yet.”
“O-Oh?”
She gave a wink then turned her heels and walked out leaving you all alone, you heard her shout.
“TERUSHIMA! BABY!”
You were relieved that she’s doing fine after all of that, you saw your reflection and frowned.
“Good for her, I guess.”
Well it’s just two months no wonder she’s alright already unlike you, you need to cope with the lost 6 years of relationship.
‘You’ll be alright' you mindlessly reminded yourself
“I’ll be fine”
Part 7
#haikyuu scenarios#haikyuu oneshot#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuu angst#angst#oc#author aj#osamu#timeskip osamu#osamu fic#osamu scenario#osamu x reader
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life is just a classroom
A 6k addition to this verse with Teacher!Cas and Teacher!Dean
Jody has never seen her staff with their heads so far up their own asses. They get one reasonably attractive new hire, and everyone is acting more like gossiping, horny teenagers than sane, I-am-responsible-for-multiple-children, teachers. Luckily, Jody’s the principal and expert in wrangling children and adults of all maturity levels.
But this, as Bobby used to say, is too early for this shit.
It’s 7:00 am, and if Jody has to hear one more word about Castiel Novak and his brooding stare and baby blue eyes, she’s going to dump her coffee all over Daphne Allen’s head. It’s not like the Teachers Lounge hasn’t seen more than its fair share of spilled coffee. The brown-ish grey-ish carpet is more for utility than aesthetics, and is probably older than Jody herself.
“I’ve been trying to find out more about him, but he’s so reserved,” Daphne is saying. She sighs. “I’ve always been a sucker for the strong, silent types.”
Jody rolls her eyes and adds more sugar to her coffee.
“I think he mentioned he was actually a student here,” Kelly says, leaning in conspiratorially, “the same year as Dean.”
“No way,” Daphne breathes.
Jody dumps in more sugar.
“Has Dean mentioned anything about him? Is he single?”
For Christ’s sake. It’s the second day of school - Jody is very confident her teachers have better things to do than cross boundaries with new colleagues.
Daphne frowns. “No, he hasn’t. But Castiel definitely doesn’t wear a ring.”
Kelly rolls her eyes. “Would I even be talking about him if I thought he was married?”
Jody clears her throat, saying loudly, “Well, I’d better get back to work. Morning announcements will start soon.”
Both Kelly and Daphne jump guiltily.
Pleased, Jody strides out of the Teachers Lounge, nearly running into Donna. “Here,” she says, pressing the coffee into her hands. “I put too much sugar in it anyway.”
“Oh, hey, thanks Jody-o!” Donna beams.
Jody jerks her head towards Daphne and Kelly, heads ducked together and clearly already back to it. “Watch out for ‘em. They’ll get you sucked in gossiping about the new hire.”
“That Castiel?” Donna asks, her eyes lighting up. “He’s such an angel.”
“Not you too,” Jody grumbles as she stalks out. She has a school to run.
* * *
“Bonne journée, tout le monde.” Castiel waves his students out. “Etudiez bien pour le quiz la semaine prochaine! Si vous avez besoin d’aide, n'hésitez pas à venir me voir.”
Daphne lets the juniors stream past her, steels herself, and knocks on the door.
“Oui?” he asks without looking up.
Daphne swallows nervously. “Castiel?”
Castiel straightens, and holy hell, those eyes are so blue. “Hello,” he says, “I’m sorry, I thought you were a student.”
“No worries at all,” Daphne says with tittering laugh. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a drink?”
“A drink?” Castiel echoes.
“To celebrate the end of the first week?” Daphne adds. “Kelly, Aaron, and I have a little tradition.”
“I see,” Castiel says, sounding taken aback. He fiddles with the strap of his bag before slinging it over his shoulder.
As the seconds drag on without a response, Daphne frowns. Is he going to refuse? Daphne had told Kelly this was a stupid plan -
“Can I bring Dean?” he asks.
Daphne blinks. “Dean? Yes, of course,” she says, mentally recalibrating her assessment of Edlund High's newest Latin/French teacher. He and Dean must be closer than she had assumed from their interactions in the Language Office. Maybe Castiel is less the stoically reserved type and more the shy, socially awkward wallflower. Her heart melts, so she adds, “the more the merrier.”
“Wonderful,” Castiel says, smiling. “What time?”
“We were thinking of leaving in like an hour,” Daphne says, “but you can also meet us there - Fizzle’s Folly? It’s on Water Street.”
Castiel raises his eyebrows at the name.
Daphne giggles. “Garth’s wife - have you met Garth? He teaches Chem - owns it. There’s a whole story there, but I can tell you later, if you like.”
Castiel smiles. “I’d like that, thank you.” He hefts his shoulder bag higher. “I grew up here, but it’s been a number of years since I spent a long time in this school district. I don’t remember a Fizzle’s Folly.”
“It used to be called Fenris,” Daphne says as they walk out.
Castiel’s brow furrows. “Wasn’t that a biker bar?”
“Yup, that’s the one,” Daphne says, nodding to Krissy Chambers and her friend Josephine as they pass by. “It underwent a little bit of a makeover when Garth and Bess took over.”
“So no bikers?”
“Not unless you count Garth,” Daphne says, grinning, as she pushes open the door to the Language Office. “He owns a motorcycle, if you can believe - oh, hey, Dean.”
Dean glances up from his desk at Daphne’s acknowledgement. “Hey,” he says slowly, his eyes flicking from Castiel to Daphne and back again. “What’s up?”
“Daphne invited me out for drinks,” Castiel says as Dean’s eyebrows rise, “Would you like to come?”
Dean’s mouth purses. “Wouldn’t want to be an imposition.”
“I already asked,” Castiel says as Daphne nods once.
And maybe in a week, once Daphne and Castiel know each other better, they can get drinks alone together. Or Kelly can get drinks alone with him. Daphne won’t fight Kelly for him, and Kelly won’t fight her. He’s not a piece of meat, as Kelly is all too fond of reminding if they go too far after too many margaritas.
After a beat, Dean says in a funny voice, “Okay then.”
Daphne walks around the both of them to get to her desk. “Aaron’s going to be there, if that matters,” she says without looking up.
“Aaron?” Castiel asks curiously.
“History teacher,” Dean says at the same time that Daphne provides, “Dean’s ex.”
Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as Castiel turns to him.
“Not an ex,” Dean grumbles. “We had a thing. Briefly. Years ago. It was before-” he coughs, “anyway.”
“I see,” Castiel deadpans.
Daphne frowns, meeting Castiel’s gaze over Dean’s head. “We are a LGBTQ friendly school,” she says sharply. “Dean runs the Gay-Straight-Alliance. If you have any… issues with that, I’d recommend talking to Jody before we leave.”
Dean looks oddly touched. “Thanks, Daph.”
Castiel just shakes his head. “I’m not homophobic. Dean can attest to that.”
“He had a boyfriend in high school,” Dean says with a grin.
Daphne’s face heats up embarrassingly quickly. “Ah - good for you.”
It’s not the end of the world. He could be bi, like Dean.
* * *
Aaron’s glad Dean and Castiel are here, if just to steer the conversation away from all the boy talk. He always has a good time with Kelly and Daphne, but, damn, they can really fixate. Lately, all they’ve been focusing on is Castiel, which, Aaron can kind of get behind - even though, obviously, Dean is more his type.
Thankfully they’ve cooled it with Castiel actually in the room with them.
Poor dude looks in over his head by the time they’re all sipping their second round of drinks. That’s probably why, when Aaron offers to get refills and snacks, Castiel jumps up to assist, quick on his heels.
Daphne and Kelly’s eyes follow Castiel’s ass to the bar. Sometimes they really are shameless.
“You doing okay?” Aaron asks after he’s flagged down the bartender.
“Oh yes,” Castiel says, bobbing his head in a nod. “It’s just… I don’t get out often.”
“I know they can be a bit much,” Aaron says, jerking his head back at their table. “If you want them to cool it with the questions, just say so.”
“I don’t mind.”
Aaron makes a face but doesn’t comment further. It’s Castiel’s funeral if he wants to keep playing into Kelly and Daphne’s hands like silly putty. Aaron warned the guy. He did his job to uphold bros before hos - even if Castiel is barely a bro and Aaron co-ran Kelly's campaign for City Council and let her cry into his shoulder when she lost, and he went to church with Daphne for a couple weeks because she knew her abusive ex-boyfriend was going to be there.
Mom practically had a heart attack when she heard about the Church thing through the grapevine, which stunned Aaron to no end because, of all his siblings, he was the only one who actually followed up on his threat to get kicked out of Hebrew school. Organized religion has never been his thing, anyway. Two Sundays with Kelly sandwiching Daphne in the pews wasn’t going to change that.
Moreover, it’s not like Aaron's never leaned on the girls for help. Daphne called her second-cousin, the cardiologist, to give a third-opinion on Dad's diagnosis. Kelly let Aaron sleep on her couch for a month because she lived across the street from the hospital. They listened to him whine about his unrequited thing for Dean Winchester when everything else in his life was going to hell. Speaking of-
“So you know Dean pretty well?” Aaron asks casually.
Castiel freezes.
“You keep staring at him,” Aaron says.
“I -”
“Relax,” Aaron says as he leans back against the bar. “Been there.”
Castiel purses his lips. “Daphne did mention you were… involved.”
“That’s a nice way of putting it,” Aaron says, since Daphne could’ve been a lot more damning in her assessment. “We slept together a couple of times. I was feeling it - he wasn’t - and that was the end of that.”
“Oh,” Castiel says, looking relieved. He glances at Aaron out of the corner of his eye. “And do you still… like him?”
Aaron snorts. “I mean, we’re not in middle school. It’s a little more complicated.”
Castiel’s brows draw together in a forbidding frown.
“I was just gonna say,” Aaron supplies quickly, “do I still think he’s hot? Yes, I have eyes. Do I want to marry him and push my mother over the edge by marrying a guy and a goy? Not anymore.”
Castiel settles back down, and Aaron makes a mental note not to piss him off anytime soon. “A word of advice?” he says as he turns back around to grab their drinks, “Don’t insult his car - or Led Zeppelin - or his brother.”
Surprised, Castiel takes a moment before laughing. “Or pie.”
“No quicker way to get your name on Dean Winchester’s shit list,” Aaron agrees. He surveys Castiel again. “So you know him pretty well already?”
Castiel shrugs. “We went to high school together.”
“Kelly mentioned,” Aaron says. “What was he like?”
“Dean?”
“No, Gary Busey,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes, “of course Dean.”
Castiel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Very similar to how he is now,” he says, which doesn’t tell Aaron much. “Charming. Caring. Intelligent in the strangest of ways.” Castiel pauses. “Handsome.”
“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Aaron agrees. He’s been on the receiving end of Dean’s charm offensive once or twice. It’s always left his head spinning.
Interrupting his train of thought, “Hey!” Dean calls shamelessly across the bar. “What are you two alte kakers up to?”
Aaron waves him off, unable to hide his smile at Dean’s casual Yiddish. He only picked up two or three words from Aaron, back when Aaron dove head-first into his ill-advised thing with Dean so he didn’t have to think about all the other shit going on in his life. “Here, grab the sides will you?” Aaron asks Castiel. “I think we’ve left Dean alone with them for long enough.”
Castiel dutifully picks up the mozzarella sticks and fries as Aaron double-checks his tray of glasses won’t topple over.
“Watch who you’re calling old men,” Aaron tells Dean as he sets the drinks down at their table.
“You were just gabbing up there,” Dean protests, reaching for his beer, “leaving these two lovely ladies with only little old me for company.”
Castiel snorts as Daphne rolls her eyes above the rim of her drink.
“Then you should’ve gone with yentas ,” Aaron says as he sits down.
“Like Barbra Streisand?” Dean eyes them both up and down. “Can’t say I see the resemblance.”
Aaron runs a hand down his face. “How do you know Barbra Streisand and not what yenta means?”
“Sammy made me watch it,” Dean says into his beer.
Aaron laughs. “Sure.”
“Hey, Castiel,” Daphne interrupts, “Dean was telling us the funniest story about you from way back-”
Castiel shoots Aaron a desperate look, but Aaron just grabs a mozzarella stick and settles in. Let the girls have their fun.
* * *
“So, Castiel, are you seeing anyone?” Kelly asks after finishing her third whiskey sour. Nine months of sobriety/pregnancy had shot her tolerance to nothing. And, sure, Jack is almost four now, but Kelly still has a hard time knowing when to call it quits.
Whatever. She doesn’t regret the question. It’s been plaguing her and Daphne - and by extension Aaron because he had to listen to them - for a whole goddamn week.
Daphne’s eyes go wide.
Off to the side, Aaron slaps his hand to his forehead.
Dean turns to Castiel, his gaze piercing.
Castiel goes bright red. It’s a good color on him. Brings out the blue in his eyes. “I - well, that is to say - I am not - it’s complicated?” he fumbles.
Dean snorts as he picks up his beer to take a long pull.
Kelly frowns. “It’s complicated?” she repeats, disappointed. “How?”
“I am not comfortable discussing my personal life with colleagues,” Castiel says stiltedly.
Dean thumps him on the back. “Good move,” he says, “these three are the worst gossips in the school.”
“Hey!” Kelly protests automatically although Dean is, unfortunately, right. But it’s not her fault everyone else on staff at Edlund High doesn’t know how to have a good time.
Daphne knocks back her cosmo murderously.
Aaron shrugs.
“It’s not a bad thing,” Dean adds, “definitely has its uses. Just something for the newbie to know, right, Cas?”
“Of course,” Castiel says, sounding like he doesn’t know what exactly he’s agreeing to.
What a cutie. Kelly grins as she leans in over the table. “You want to know which students are the worst?”
Dean frowns. “Come on, there’s no need to dunk on minors.”
“Who’s dunking?” Kelly asks innocently. “I was going to warn him about Max Banes.”
“Oh, yeah, you should know about him, Cas,” Dean says with a laugh. “Kid’s a horndog. Gives my libido a run for my money.”
Castiel blinks. “Does he… pursue teachers?”
Daphne pats his hand. “Not yet. These three think it’s only a matter of time.”
“Oh,” Cas says, “That was very frowned upon at Carver Preparatory.”
Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s frowned on here too, asshole. If he makes any… advances, just let Jody know. She and Donna - the guidance counselor - can handle it.”
“If I was going to put my psych degree to good use,” Daphne adds, “I would read into his lack of father figure. Their mom’s great, but Max doesn’t have a lot of male role models in his life.”
Kelly scowls.
Dean huffs into his beer. “Single parents have it rough, though.”
“Of course they do,” Daphne says with a significant look at Kelly. “Nobody’s saying they don’t.”
“I was raised by a single dad,” Dean protests, “and he raised me and my brother right.” He holds up a hand, and Castiel snaps his mouth shut before Kelly had even noticed it opening in the first place. “Don’t you start. I know you have thoughts about Dad, but that’s a conversation for another day.”
Kelly eyes them both curiously, but before she can ask, Aaron interrupts, “Did you guys hear about Krissy and Aidan? I think they are finally going to-”
“No way!” Daphne says, shaking her head. “She’s clueless. And he’s inept. The worst combination.”
“I believe in them,” Kelly announces. “What’d you hear, Aaron?”
As Aaron launches into the latest installment of their favorite will-they won’t-they senior couple, Kelly can finally appreciate the lazy smile Castiel wears as he settles in to listen. Maybe Aaron was right, and she and Daphne came on a little strong.
Whatever. No regrets. She wouldn’t trade that valuable intel from Castiel for anything.
* * *
That was Kelly’s last night out for a solid month. Every other weekend, her usual babysitter called in sick or said she was busy. And usually Kelly would be happy to spend more time with her son, but come on. A month with no breaks?
Christ, she’s such a bad mom.
Times like this don’t help.
“Jack?” Kelly calls, spinning around in the department store. Panic races through her veins. “Jack!”
She had turned her back for one minute to grab a set of towels from the highest shelf, and by the time she turned around, Jack was gone. She scans the surrounding racks of linens, her eyes peeled for any sign of Jack’s Spider-Man shirt. Heart beating erratically, she pushes her shopping cart back towards the bedding aisle - Jack had been enamored with a set of hideous, bright orange sheets, and Kelly had only gotten him away by bribing him with a piece of nougat.
“Jack!” she shouts again, going a bit red in the face as people turn to stare.
“Kelly?”
Shit. How could she miss Dean Winchester standing right in front of her?
“Dean!” Kelly greets, pasting on a fake smile as she cranes her neck around to scan the aisles behind him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“It was recently brought to my attention I needed a bathmat,” Dean grumbles, “and a shower curtain that doesn’t have the Scooby Gang on it.”
Kelly laughs, a tad hysterically. “Probably. I - well, nice running into you. I need to go - my son’s wandered off, and I need to find him because I am not a terrible mother.”
But instead of standing to the side, Dean adopts a pained expression. “He’s four, right?”
Kelly blinks. “Yes.”
Dean jerks his head for Kelly to follow. “I think I know where he is,” Dean says griml
Bemused, Kelly pushes her cart after Dean, back to the display beds. Her eyes zero in on the orange eye-sore, currently occupied by a jumping toddler. A dark-haired man perches on one edge with his back to them, apparently trying to communicate with Kelly’s wayward son.
She all but sprints forward, nearly bumping her shopping cart into several bed frames. “Jack!” she says loudly, and Jack stops at once.
“Mama!” he calls back delightedly.
“What are you doing?”
“Jumping.”
Kelly resists the urge to facepalm. “What did I tell you about wandering off? Or talking to stran-” She backtracks, finally focusing on the man. “Oh, hi, Castiel.”
“Hello, Kelly,” Castiel says, his deep voice sending a frisson down her spine like it always does.
“You know Mama?” Jack asks, looking from Kelly to Castiel and back again.
“We work together,” Castiel explains.
“This is Castiel,” Kelly introduces, and Jack wastes no time in chirping out, “Nice to meet you Castiel!’
Castiel sticks out his hand like he’s greeting the President instead of Kelly’s four-year-old son. “You as well, Jack.”
“What’re you doing here?” Kelly asks as Jack gives Castiel’s hand a theatrical shake.
Castiel’s brow furrows. “Purchasing home goods?” He gets to his feet. “I was searching for a suitable bathmat when I found Jack.”
“A bathmat,” Kelly echoes, whirling in place to see a red-faced Dean a few paces away, apparently enthralled by a set of outrageously mundane pillows.
“Yes?” Castiel confirms, following her gaze and blushing furiously. “Ah, hello, Dean. I - I didn’t see you there?”
Dean throws his hands in the air, giving up on all pretenses. “You’re impossible,” he says to Castiel.
“You’re buying a bathmat together?” Kelly asks, confused.
“Dean doesn’t have one,” Castiel says promptly.
“I didn’t need one until-” Dean closes his mouth with a snap.
Kelly stares at the pair of them. “Do you two live together?” she demands.
Castiel opens his mouth, but no words come out.
Kelly turns to Dean, who is rapidly scanning for the exits.
“Are you the ‘it’s complicated’?” she asks curiously, only looking away as Jack pats her knee determinedly, his face hopeful.
“Up?” he asks.
Kelly sighs and hefts him into her arms. “You’re getting too big for this.”
“Am not,” Jack mumbles into her shoulder.
Kelly presses a kiss to his forehead and turns back to Castiel and Dean, who look more like two students caught passing notes than fully grown men. “Well?”
Dean shares a loaded glance with Castiel, and Kelly has no idea how she missed the whole couple thing. Eventually, he says, “After two f-” he glances at Jack, “-friggin’ years, he finally got sick of cold feet in my bathroom.”
“Two years,” Kelly gapes.
Castiel sighs. “Three.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t start sleeping over at-”
“Dean,” Castiel interrupts in a growl.
Dean rubs the back of his neck. He coughs. “Anyway,” he says, “Yes, we’re dating. No, it’s not really that complicated. Cas just doesn’t like to talk about it at work.”
“Hm,” Kelly says neutrally.
“I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread it around,” Castiel says as Dean snorts derisively.
“Hey,” Kelly says, defensive, “I can do that.”
Dean raises his eyebrows. “You can?”
“Sure, if you ask, Jesus,” Kelly says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not a monster.”
“Thank you,” Castiel says gratefully.
Kelly grins. “But if I can’t spread it around, Daphne’s still going to go after him like he’s a prize heifer at a state fair.”
Castiel squints at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “She was pursuing me?”
Dean guffaws. “Don’t ever change, man.” He claps him on the back while turning back to Kelly. “We can handle Daphne. Don’t worry.”
“Whatever, boys,” Kelly says as she pushes her cart back towards the linens, “it’s your funeral.” She hefts Jack higher in her arms. “Say goodbye to Dean and Castiel, Jack.” As Jack waves goodbye, she calls, “See you Monday!”
Sure, she’s a little disappointed Castiel is clearly off the dating market. But, bonus, she has blackmail material on not one, but two Edlund faculty members, and possibly a pinch-hitter babysitter waiting to happen. Not bad for a shopping trip with a four-year-old in tow.
* * *
Donna’s surprise party at Fizzle’s Folly is well underway by the time Aaron extricates himself from a lively discussion with his Head of Department and Rowena MacLeod, Edlund's chemistry teacher. Aaron will never, ever miss an opportunity to talk to a drunk Eleanor Visyak, and Rowena turned out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about 17th century English politics.
Still, he’s taken all the history talk he can stand, especially after teaching it for four hours to a bunch of high schoolers with varying degrees of interest.
He finds Daphne in one of the far booths, tucked away with Castiel and Dean, surprise, surprise. After snagging another beer at the bar, he slides in next to Daphne. “What’s up?” he asks the three of them.
“Hey,” Dean greets with a toast of his glass.
“Hello, Aaron.”
“Budge up, you’re taking like three quarters of the seat,” Daphne complains.
“Daph was just telling us about her plans to do a joint project between GSA and the Amnesty International club,” Dean says. “Cas says he’ll come to GSA next week.”
“Yeah?” Aaron asks as Castiel nods in confirmation. “That’s great! I’d go check it out, but the Debate club meets at the same time.”
Castiel frowns. “Maybe I should run a club? Daphne has Amnesty International, Dean runs GSA, and you have Debate.”
“You can always ask Jody about forming a new one in January,” Aaron says. “Honestly, the hardest part’ll be finding a time to meet. Don’t go for afterschool Thursdays, or Benny will kick your ass.”
“Why?”
“He has his cooking club,” Dean says with a grin. “And, like, half the student body goes. I sometimes go and help out too, if he needs extra hands.”
“You’ll go if he’s making pie,” Aaron corrects.
“It’s for the kids!” Dean protests over Castiel’s chuckles. “Benny’s got a lot of skills, but he has a lot to learn when it comes to pie. The kids need to know how to make a good pie.”
“If only to feed you later,” Aaron mutters.
“You’ll also want to avoid Tuesdays afterschool,” Daphne tells Castiel. “Jo’s self-defense club meets then, and it’s also got a large following.”
“Yeah, all the girls who wanna be like Jo sign up, and all the boys who want to see Jo all sweaty show up with semis,” Dean says with a shudder of revulsion.
Aaron kicks him under the table. “That’s sexist. How are you forgetting all the lesbians?”
“Ah, yes, can’t forget the lesbians,” Dean agrees sagely.
“Does this school have Model UN?” Castiel asks. “I was looking to set up a chapter at Carver before I switched positions.”
“No, we don’t,” Daphne says eagerly. “That’s an excellent idea.”
Dean drains the dregs of his beer. “I’m gonna get another, Cas? Daph? A-Game?”
Aaron rolls his eyes at the nickname. “I’m good,” he says, holding up his three-quarters full glass.
“Another cosmo, please?” Daphne asks.
“Sure.” Dean salutes.
“I’ll go with you,” Castiel says as Daphne’s face falls. “I need to stretch my legs.”
They leave, heads already bent together to hear each other over the dull roar of the party. “They seem close,” Aaron says, jerking his head.
Daphne sighs. “Yeah, they do,” she says morosely. She twirls her empty glass between her fingers. “Kelly’s given up on him. I think you might be right - he definitely has a thing for Dean.”
Aaron sips his beer. “I don’t blame him.”
“Of course you don’t,” Daphne says with a small grin, lightly kicking him under the table.
Before Aaron can think of anything else to say, Kelly appears over Daphne’s shoulder, her face flushed as it always gets when she drinks too much red wine. She slides into the side of the booth vacated by Dean and Castiel. “Some party, right? Did you see Garth doing shots?”
“No,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling. “And I don’t want to. I’ll stay here, out of the splash zone, thanks.”
Kelly giggles. “Why d’you think I’m over here instead of egging him on like Jo and Charlie.”
By the time Aaron finishes off the rest of his beer, Daphne’s still one cosmo short, and it’s been at least twenty minutes since he saw Dean and Castiel.
“Hey, I’ll go check up on that drink you’re waiting for,” Aaron says, getting to his feet.
“You sure?” Daphne asks, blinking hazily up at him. And okay, it’s probably good she had a breather between rounds.
“Yeah,” Aaron says, jerking his head towards the bar. “I need to piss anyway.”
“Gross,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling.
Kelly giggles, “If you think a little pee is gross, you don’t want to hear what Jack got up to with-”
Daphne actually places both hands over her ears and goes, “Na, na, na.”
Aaron leaves the pair of them laughing, with Kelly trying to pry Daphne’s hands away and Daphne getting louder with each tug.
He makes his way through the thinning crowd, waving to Eleanor when he spots her getting ready to leave and nodding to Charlie as she adjusts the empty shot glasses in front of her, Jo, and an impossibly red-faced Garth.
Aaron slides between the thinning crowd to duck out into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As he gets closer to the men’s room, he slows. There are sounds coming from behind the door. Not like the pained bathroom sounds like Great Aunt Rachel gets after too much dairy. Porn sounds.
Aaron, torn between finding out who’s getting down and dirty at Donna’s surprise party, and getting Kelly and Daphne so they can witness the big reveal with him, is still rooted to the spot as the door bursts open and Castiel and Dean stumble out.
Cas’s hair is a bird’s nest of bedhead that would probably drop Daphne’s panties in a heartbeat. Dean’s cheeks are flushed, and Aaron definitely recognizes his immediate post-orgasm face.
“Fuck,” Dean swears as he finds his footing. He stares at Aaron, and Aaron stares right back.
“Aaron,” Castiel says breathlessly, temporarily drawing his attention. “You’re… here.”
“I had to pee,” Aaron says lamely.
“Oh, well, it’s all yours then,” Dean says, blushing to the roots of his hair as he gestures to the now available men’s room.
“Fuck no.” Aaron automatically recoils. There’s no way he’s touching any surface in that bathroom until it’s been scrubbed and bleached. He has some goddamn standards. He’d rather pee in the alley out back.
They linger awkwardly until Aaron speaks. He eyes the pair of them, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth. “So… you two are finally together?”
“Finally?” Dean echoes.
“Uh yeah,” Aaron says, confused. “Castiel clearly has a huge thing for you. Not to spill the beans or anything.”
A beat.
Dean cracks up.
Aaron, almost offended on Castiel’s behalf, opens his mouth as he catches sight of Castiel’s face, lips pressed tight together like he’s trying not to laugh. “You knew?”
Castiel slowly shakes his head as Dean leans on him for support, gasping for air. “Oh my god, Cas, that’s fucking embarrassing. D’you have a crush on me?”
“Shut up, Dean,” Castiel grumbles, shoving him off. To Aaron he says, “We’ve been dating for three years. He’s known about my feelings for a while now.”
“Oh,” Aaron says, drawing the syllable out as Dean composes himself.
“Jesus Christ,” Dean says, wiping at his eyes, “I thought I was going to give it all away, but turns out you’re just as obvious as you were in high school.”
Castiel sighs. “We were trying to not spread our relationship around.”
“Cas wanted to get settled in before people started saying he was my trophy husband,” Dean says with a wink.
Horror seizes Aaron. “You’re not married, are you?” he blurts. He glances down at their hands - no rings - and he would never forgive himself for missing something that obvious.
“No,” Castiel shakes his head, “we are only dating for now.”
“Not yet.”
Castiel turns to Dean in surprise, and Aaron really doesn’t need to be here for that conversation. “Oh-kay,” he says, sidling around them, “I still gotta,” he jerks his head towards the men’s room.
“Right!” Dean says, grinning. “We should get back to the party. Say hi to Donna.”
Aaron makes his exit, sighing in relief as the door closes behind him. He should be fine if he doesn’t touch anything. Or look at any shiny surfaces too closely. Once upon a time, he lived with a dozen Alpha Epsilon Pi brothers. He can do this.
* * *
Daphne has had it up to here with her juniors. Yes, Homecoming is this weekend. No, their essays aren’t due until next week, but that doesn’t excuse their behavior this Friday afternoon. Nobody wants to be in class at a quarter to three. High school juniors don’t. Daphne sure as hell doesn’t. They can’t cut her a little slack?
When the bell finally rings, Daphne sighs in relief. She dismisses her class with a terse, “Aufiderzein.”
She gathers her files together, grumbling to herself about stupid staff meetings on Friday. It’s like Jody wants them to surreptitiously play games on their phones and text each other when she’s looking the other way or yelling at Rowena for blowing up the Chemistry Lab again.
At least Benny always brings snacks from Thursday’s Cooking Club.
Daphne glances at her watch. Jody gives them a half-hour to get their affairs in order, but Daphne doesn’t mind staking out her seat in the Teachers Lounge early. She can save spots for Kelly and Aaron and stake out the precious few non-wobbly chairs.
She stops by the Language Office, pleasantly surprised to find it empty. No Dean, Kelly, or Castiel in sight. Daphne quickly gathers her freshmen pop quizzes to grade this weekend and her copy of Die Verwandlung.
She rounds the final corner before the Teachers Lounge and stops dead. Because Aaron and Kelly are hovering outside the door and spying through the slim glass pane. Without her.
“What’s going on?” Daphne asks curiously.
“Ah!” Kelly whirls around, clutching her heart.
“Daphne!” Aaron says loudly. “What’re you doing here?”
“Saving us a seat for the meeting?” Daphne says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Like I do every month?”
Aaron and Kelly share a loaded look. Aaron is the first one to speak, “I think we’re good this time.”
“Why?” Daphne asks, stepping closer. She frowns as Kelly and Aaron automatically stand shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking her view of the narrow window.
“Students are in there,” Aaron blurts.
“Puking,” Kelly adds.
Daphne doesn’t believe them for a second. “And you’re just standing there watching it happen?”
“Schadenfreude?” Aaron tries. “It’s the mean ones. You know. The kids we don't like.”
Daphne rolls her eyes, pushing them aside and standing on her tiptoes to see.
“We tried,” Aaron grumbles to her right.
“They can’t fault us for that,” Kelly says to her left.
At first, it looks like the Teachers Lounge is empty. Most seats are unoccupied, and nobody’s loitering by the coffee machine. One of the tables is strewn with three mostly-empty mini pie tins. Cherry, by the color. Movement catches her eye, and, woah how did she miss that?
“No way,” she breathes, glancing at Aaron and Kelly for confirmation.
Aaron scuffing his shoes against the floor, nods sheepishly.
“They made me promise not to tell,” Kelly says ruefully, lips pursing.
“Dean and Castiel?” Daphne gasps, squinting to better see Edlund High’s newest hire and favorite English teacher (no offense, Kelly) getting at it on the lumpy couch in the back that no one sat on because of this very reason.
She rounds on them. “You knew?” she hisses.
Kelly huffs an impatient sigh, blowing a few brown strands of hair out of her face. “I ran into them shopping together a few weeks ago.”
Aaron grimaces. “I nearly walked in on them having sex in the bathroom at Donna’s surprise party last weekend.”
Daphne blinks at the pair of them, hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Kelly opens her mouth but no words come out.
“This is the first guy since Mark you showed an interest in,” Aaron rushes to say.
“We didn’t want to ruin it,” Kelly says.
Daphne’s eyes narrow. “And you didn’t think the fact that he’s clearly taken would ruin it?”
“I don’t know,” Kelly says, throwing her hands in the hair. “Sue us, we liked seeing you happy for however long it lasted!”
Daphne softens.
“We thought,” Aaron says, glancing at Kelly for support, “You were getting over Castiel, anyway.”
A small, petty part of Daphne is tempted to deny it as punishment for keeping this from her. But mostly she’s relieved. “Yeah, mostly,” she mutters.
“So… we good?” Aaron tries.
Kelly loops her arm around her in a one-armed hug. “Of course we are.”
Daphne rolls her eyes. “Of course,” she echoes as Aaron pats her on the back, a wide grin spreading over his face. And, yeah, this is why she has the two best friends on Earth.
“What are you three up to?”
The smile slides off Kelly’s face. “Jody!” she says, spinning around to meet their Principal, holding a paper cup of coffee, and trailed by what looks like half the Edlund High teachers.
Oh shit.
Aaron not-so-accidentally knocks his elbow, loudly, into the door as he turns to face Jody et al. “We didn’t see you there,” he says conversationally.
“Hm,” Jody hums as she reaches past them for the doorknob. “Meeting’s going to start in ten.”
“Can we make it fifteen?” Aaron asks desperately, shuffling to the side so he better blocks the way in.
Jody shakes her head, throwing him a bemused look. “I’m pretty sure everyone wants this started with and over as soon as possible.”
“If you need to urinate, Bass, do it now,” Rowena sniffs.
“I don’t-” Aaron starts, breaking off as Jody finally opens the door.
She stops dead in her tracks.
“Jody!” Dean’s voice carries through the doorway, uncharacteristically high. “’S it time for the meeting already?”
Jo elbows her way to the front. “Goddammit,” she says, sounding completely unsurprised as she stands next to Jody. “Really, guys?”
The rest of the staff curiously filter in.
Behind Daphne, Benny surreptitiously slides Charlie a few bills, muttering, “I told them this was stupid.”
Charlie laughs. “But you still thought they’d last until Homecoming.”
“What can I say,” Benny says, shrugging, “I’m an optimist. And I was so close.”
Daphne meets Charlie’s eyes, asking in a low voice, “Did everyone know?”
Charlie see-saws her hand back and forth as they take their seats. “About half,” she says, glancing behind them to where Dean and Castiel are attempting to make themselves presentable. “Turns out, they’re really bad at keeping the whole ‘Destiel’ thing under wraps. It’s adorable they thought they could try.”
Daphne looks too, and there’s no mistaking what Dean and Castiel were doing. Their lips are swollen from kissing, and, weirdly, Castiel’s tie faces the right way. Daphne snorts. Probably because he didn’t tie it himself, for once.
Jody clears her throat. “Alright, settle down, guys,” she says with a sharp glare in Dean and Castiel’s direction. “As you all know, Homecoming is next weekend-”
* * *
Jody pinches the bridge of her nose. “Okay, that’s all that was on my agenda for today’s meeting-” she waits for the cheers to die down “but, Dean and Castiel, can you stay for a sec?”
Castiel visibly swallows.
Dean scowls.
Jody waits for the rest of the staff to leave.
Nobody moves a muscle.
“Jesus Christ,” Jody swears under her breath. She’s managing children. Horrible, gossipy children. “Okay, I guess everyone could use a refresher.” She clears her throat. “PDA is strictly discouraged among faculty. It’s in the goddamn handbook, people.”
“Really, Jody?” Dean complains.
“I’m not saying you can’t be in a relationship,” Jody says with a sharp look. “Just don’t… advertise it.”
“You got something against two dudes making out?” Dean demands, half-getting up from his seat.
“Of course not, you ass,” Jody says in a long-suffering voice, “I do have something against teenagers making out in every hallway and empty classroom, which they will if they see their two favorite teachers doing it.” She shakes her head. “If you want to hold hands or take an ad out in the school paper, be my guest.”
“Ah, yes, of course,” Castiel says hesitantly, wasting no time in reaching for Dean’s hand.
“Plus,” Jody says loftily, “I’ve been dating Donna for six months, and you don’t see me dragging her into supply closets, do you?” And into the stunned silence, Jody stands up to leave.
There are various cries of, “Donna?”
Donna throws her hands in the air as Kelly, Daphne, and Aaron converge on her like piranhas tasting blood in the water. “Jeez Louise,” Donna grumbles, “a little warning wouldn’t kill ya, would it Jody-o?”
“Probaby,” Jody says, giving them all a jaunty salute. “Enjoy your weekends, everyone!”
#destiel fanfic#destiel#fanfic#teacher dean#teacher castiel#human au#teachers au#jody mills#outsider pov#the story of us verse#rae writes fic#profoundnet#secret relationship#but like the worst kept secret#so does it even really count#kelly kline#aaron bass#daphne allen
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the lesbian himbo solidarity post
okay so. basically this dude named max was in my anatomy class and we sat next to each other for the whole year so we had No Choice but to vibe
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so he’s a Large football jock and i’m smol. we were both seniors tho and there were only three seniors in that class so we bonded over that. so he looks,, really scary tbh. like. ya know. the Exact type of person who would bully you and call you slurs. so i was like “oh god oh god oh god” every class bc i was like “this is it, this is the day i Die by his hand”
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the first time we really vibed was when i came from culinary one friday bc i had culinary right before anatomy. and i had Cookies. a lot of them. and i had them in a little brown paper bag sitting right in the corner of my desk just bc like why not. cue max rolling up to class, throwing his stuff down and coming up Right Next To Me and Intensely eyeing the bag before going “hey jc, whatcha got there”. and i went “...cookies from my culinary class” and he just “👀👀” so i go “do you,, do you want one?”. g r a b s the bag while yelling “HELL YEAH” and really excitedly just eats a cookie and i just go “you can,, you can just take the bag if you want”. he obviously took the bag. we were Bros from that day on
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i was Notorious for being the Class Nerd bc i loved anatomy and i had over 100% in the class. he was Not as into anatomy and just wanted to vibe and i feel that bc i had a class like that too, so i just gave him my notes and warm up answers to copy bc i’m Like That. we had like,, a system in place, so he would tell jokes or just say random shit and i’d kinda laugh and vibe while taking notes
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one time i was kinda tired and staring off into space and he rolled up to class and goes “jcccc why are you saaaad :((” and i was like “i,, i’m not???” and he was like super confident that i was Going Through It and was like “you can’t lie to me, i already saw that sad face” i’m like “you mean my Normal Face???”. but so while i was taking notes that day, he leaned over and drew a lil happy face on my packet, so i looked over and smiled at him. aND NOT EVEN A MINUTE LATER, he leans back over and turns it into a dick. and i go “b r o i gotta turn this shit in i’m gonna get in trouble?????” and he Panicked on my behalf, Stood Up in his seat, Y E L L S to the teacher “SIR, I DREW A M A L E G E N I T A L I A ON JC’S NOTES, IT’S NOT HER FAULT”. teacher just Looks over at us, blinks, goes back to his lecture. my face is Red, max turns to me, w i n k s, and goes “i gochu”
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so my group Abandoned Me one day for a lab bc neither of them were there and i rolled up to the teacher like “k i’ll be Stabbing A Brain alone today” and my teacher’s like “but??? you need to Poke A Brain With A Group” and i go “but i have None Friends and my group mates aren’t here”. so max heard this whole interaction go down and is like “jc i Cannot Believe, you’re gonna group with us”. drags me over to some other people who sit near us that i anxiously vibe with, who had apparently been struggling to stab the labels into the brain for like seven minutes before i rolled up. max goes “okay guys jc’s in our group”. everyone’s hype. i labeled it, filled out the sheet, let everyone copy it, and all of us vibed for like half an hour
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he was struggling to label to bones in the body for our warm up. two minutes in he goes “damn i know like,, four of these. jc how many do you know”, looks over at my worksheet, his eyes pop out of his damn skull. “JC ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS”. holds up my worksheet that’s completely filled out, points aggressively at it while looking at our teacher, “ARE YOU SEEIN THIS SHIT???”
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straight up asked if i was a mom one time bc he said i give off “mom vibes”. his response to me not wanting kids was “really??? i want like six”. appreciated me saying “oh, well i want a career” a little too much bc he couldn’t stop laughing
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a regular occurrence was me finishing a worksheet really fast and standing to turn it in, then max going “sit your ass back down, i needa see that” followed by “bro i appreciate you actually letting me copy your shit but Please write neater”. his handwriting was worse than mine and he could read my writing but he likes to Complain
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another Regular Occurrence was me finishing a test in about five minutes followed by him yelling “JC ARE YOU F U C K I N G KIDDING ME”
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i’d bring food from culinary a lot and he’d just go “👀” and i would just give it to him and he’d be so excited and go “jc you’re the best” while proceeding to shove a cupcake down his face or whatever else it was i brought while M O A N I N G
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he asked me one time why i’m so nervous around him, and he was probably expecting me to say some shit like “oh nooo i’m not i’m just Shy tm” but i Instantly responded with “bc you look like you’re gonna call me a slur in the 7/11″ and he was so genuinely upset and he goes “noooo jc D: i’m not a baseball boy” and i Died
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some dude smacked him on the back of his head and he goes “OW MY-” looks at me, “hey jc, what’s the back of the head called again?” and i go “the occipital” and he’s like “great, thanks”, turns around again to the other dude, “MY O C C I P I T A L”
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“jc have you ever been depressed” “max i have depression” “sick, you should listen to this band”
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he slowly tried to put something on my desk and i was still adjusting to “okay not everyone is gonna hit me” and thought he was trying to do like a fistbump or something. and he goes “oh no i wasn’t-” and i’m like “oKaY yEaH iT’S fiNe”, he puts whatever lil eraser on my desk then goes “NO NO, GIVE ME SOME JC” and fistbumped me but it still Haunts Me bc he Was Not Trying To Do That
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“i’m gonna go as a cop for halloween” “...okay max” “all i have to do is wear a wifebeater shirt” “i-” “because. because ya know. cops beat their wives”
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asked what kind of music i listen to once, and i went “uh,, it depends” he goes “what are you listening to now??” aND I HAD TO GO “um,, bruises and bitemarks” and he screeched bc whatever he was expecting from the shy quiet girl who sits next to him, it was Not That
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so i wasn’t sure how to like,, come out but i have a bunch of gay pins on my backpack so i didn’t know if he knew or not. but then one time he just starts asking the people around him if they would kiss/date someone of the same gender. so i go “i mean,, yeah” and he goes “wait really” and i was Scared tm bc oh god here it comes. i go “yeah” he goes “full gay or like bi” and i was like “full,, full gay. i’m a lesbian” and he’s like “BROOOO THAT’S SICK :D” and he was so genuinely excited that i like girls
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ever since he found out that i’m a lesbian, he would move his desk reeeeaaally close to mine to show me pictures of girls and be like “hey hey what do you think of her”, trying to invite me to parties so he could set me up with someone, attempting to be my wingman
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he constantly shoved one of his earbuds into my ear so i could bop to his music with him. set his phone on my desk a few times so i could choose something and i go “oh no, i have garbage taste in music” and he goes “well i don’t, that’s why you’re choosing from my playlist” and i just Sat there like “wow okay but also that’s valid”. he shockingly had a few songs on there that i listen to, so we vibed to those. he listened to my playlists a couple times and he’d be like “most of these are either depressing, horny, or gay, and that sums you up pretty well” and i was Offended but he’s right
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“hey jc, what’s the bone that sounds like my name” “...maxilla???” “fuck yeah, there’s a bone named after me”
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asked me if i ever had a girlfriend before and i was like “n o :((((” and he’s like “on god bro, you gonna get you some pussy”
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every time he’d see me out of class, he point at me and wave really aggressively and be like “HI JC :D” and i’d kinda wave back really shyly while watching him tell whoever he was with that we were bros. after a couple times, i asked him next class why he waved at me and he’s like “why wouldn’t i??” and i go “um. bc you’re pretty popular and well liked and nobody knows i exist and i’m pretty uncool????” and he deadass is like “J C NOO YOU’RE REALLY COOL WYM PEOPLE LIKE YOU” and that’s how i found out that people actually knew me bc a bunch of the football guys i talked to in anatomy would point me out when they saw me bc they liked vibing with me so that was A Time. made sense why random people would like,, nod at me while walking by
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i brought cookies for my teachers and friends on valentine’s day and i gave max a couple and i was like “hey i’m giving these to all my friends so like here” and he just “jc you consider us friends???” and i thought he was gonna laugh at me and i just went “ah,,, yeah” and he was So Excited
#theres probably more tbh#i just dont remember rn#anatomy class#high school#school#school stories#we stan a himbo#lgbt#lesbian himbo solidarity#lesbian#himbo
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All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 18
Chapters: 18/19
Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist
Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.
Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.
He happens to love them back.
Find it on Ao3
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]
They cook, they feed him, they chat away about inane things. Their presence soothes Martin and their voices fill him with the warmth sucked away by his unexpected encounter.
Gerry helps him make tea after dinner, and they all sit at the table together, even the cats sleeping nearby, cuddled up into one big, grey and black fluff ball.
"I think," Martin begins, voice croaky, "That I would like to tell you now."
"We're ready to listen if you're ready to tell us." Jon offers softly. Gerry reaches over to take one of his hands, turning it over to kiss the palm sweetly.
Martin talks, voice quiet and even.
"In the beginning, it was just a normal relationship. Except for the fact that he was almost twenty years older than me, and about a million times richer. I didn't know that at first, of course. He was just a middle-aged man I met in a gay bar, who didn't seem to mind that I was trans. I felt secure in our relationship, if not exactly nurtured or adored. I had never felt very secure before, and it seemed like enough, you know?
"He took me out, brought me a few things in the beginning. He was very dominant, sexually, but I was a lot less sure of my own preferences back then and I thought it was fine. He never even blinked at my trashy flat or cheap clothes, and I didn't even realise just how much money he had for a long time. Maybe I just can't really comprehend that much money, even now.
"When I was twenty-two, my mother died, and…" He huffs out a shaky, emotional laugh. "Well, I was a real mess. I lost my job, and almost my flat. Peter started paying for things, my rent, clothes, meals. He said that I needed somewhere to live and had to eat and look presentable, and it was his pleasure to provide those things for me. It made me feel a bit gross, but I struggled to find another job, and so I accepted it."
Martin hesitates here, before continuing. "The problem started when I wasn't interested in sex one night."
"He forced you?" Gerry interrupts to ask dangerously, threat explicit in his quiet words. His eyes seem to glow faintly in the growing dark of the room, as the sun sets. He wishes, more than ever, that he had helped Jon kick the shit out of Peter Lukas, instead of stopping him.
Martin sighs, eyes pressed tight closed for a second. "Not exactly. He simply pointed out that he paid for me to exist. So I made myself interested."
Gerry's hands tighten into fists and he moves them under the table where Martin can't see them anymore. Jon suddenly looks very pale. They share a look, neither able to see much difference between 'forcing' and what sounds a lot like financial abuse to them.
Martin pulls his legs up to his chest, curling around them as he goes on. "Our relationship became a lot more transactional after that night. I disengaged whatever feelings I had left for him and simply drew all my emotions down deep into myself. I wasn't ashamed to be getting paid for sex, but I felt like I had lost my own consent in the matter. Peter honestly seemed like he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Money was nothing to him, and he had someone to take out on his arm or shag whenever he wanted, without the work of a real relationship, or the complications of unfortunate attachments.
"So, if I needed something, I told him. He set a date, took me out, fucked me. He gave me however much I needed."
Martin shrugs, looking down at his hands. "I honestly hated it. Not because of the prostitution itself, sex has always been very nurturing for me, and I sometimes caught the idea that it was only another way to care for people, and being paid for that is perfectly fine, if you're doing it for the right reasons. The real issue was Peter himself. He had this way of making me feel… bereft and hollow, even before the money came into it."
A few tears track down his face, although his face remains rather blank, in a numb way. It's only as he admits the next words that his voice breaks and the heartbreak works its way out again.
"I was very foolish. Looking back, I can see that I was still a child in a lot of ways. I put myself into a situation that damaged me, but I accept the consequences of those actions, both then and now. I- I-"
"Martin," Jon whispers, warm love clear in his voice. It's nothing but an offer of support, one that he desperately needs right now.
He presses his eyes shut, forcing away the stutter and the lump of tears. "I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of it, even if I got a crap, minimum wage job that I was qualified for. So I started applying for any work that was available. I made every application exactly what they wanted, and I hoped for the best. When Elias offered me the job at Magnus, I took it happily. Since then I found out that Peter knows him, and probably arranged the job for me, but at the time I had no idea. Looking back, I know that it's a miracle that I got out of it at all. Peter could have chosen to make my life a living hell. Instead, he accepted the several firm rejections I offered him.
"He promised me that we weren't done, that I would be back, but he left me alone. I was done. I moved on with my life, even if I had to lie to do it." Martin sighs, shakes out his shoulders, the most difficult part over now.
"I had always planned to be open about it with my next relationships, but they were so fleeting that it never even came up. By the time I fell for Jon, it had become a secret, one I was loathed to dig up for a relationship I was convinced wouldn't last. I thought to myself, 'Why ruin something that makes me happy?' I assumed it would fall apart anyway, and it was easier to allow it to be in the past.
"But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you. I'm sorry you had to find out from him. I'm sorry that we've been together for more than a year and we basically live together, and I've put you in this position. I love you both, very very much."
"When did you eventually decide that our relationship was going to last?" Jon queries, genuine curiosity in his voice.
There's a beat of hazy silence at the abrupt change in tone and topic.
"Oh, ah-" Martin stumbles over his words, unsure how blatantly honest to be. He chooses the real truth, no matter how unfortunate. "The day that I got Luna was the first time I really accepted that you both loved me."
Jon simply raises an eyebrow, completely unconcerned. "What about you, Gerry?"
"With you," Gerry responds easily, "at the hospital in Morden, when I was so panicked that I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill you or handcuff us together for the rest of our lives. With Martin-"
He breaks off with a laugh, colouring slightly. "It was the day we dyed my hair purple."
"The first time we had sex?" Martin asks, surprised at such a hedonistic answer.
He laughs again, more confidently this time. "No, actually, although that was spectacular. It was afterwards, when you braided my hair for the first time. That was the first time anyone had ever braided my hair. It made me feel so… So honoured. Like I was the most precious thing to you."
"Gerry, you are the most precious thing to me. You both are." Martin whispers, tears creeping back into his voice.
"Good, because the feeling is mutual, and we desperately need you around to keep us in line," Jon tells him, voice unusually firm and confident.
"What about you?" Martin remembers to ask him, at risk of floating away in his post confession haze. "When did you know?"
"With Gerry, it was when we were teenagers. I kissed him for the first time, and he laughed at me. I just knew he was my soulmate." Jon rolls his eyes at this, but his voice is full of blatant affection. "With you, Martin, it was- Well, to be quite honest with you, there was no one special moment. It was a million tiny moments, all of them special and perfect to me. Every cup of tea, every frown while you were writing poetry, glasses pushed haphazardly up into your lovely hair. The easy, glorious look on your face the day you met Gerry for the first time, as if you weren't even capable of not falling in love with him, just as I hadn't been. It was especially the days that I would come out of the library and find you waiting for me after work. This weight of total surety would fill my chest and leave me gasping, needing you."
Jon sighs, his own eyes a little bright. "I suppose it was really the night you kissed me in the rain, and every soft moment since then has only affirmed the way I knew you were it for me."
Jon smiles at Martin so beatifically that he forgets to breathe for a moment.
"We love you too, Martin," Gerry tells him, reaching out to grasp a hand. Jon takes the other. "And we wouldn't want you any other way."
***
The next morning, Martin wakes to find Jon eyeing his phone intently. Gerry is asleep on his other side, and he feels warmly cocooned between them. Gentle cloudy light fills the space, encouraging the comfortable cozy atmosphere of their bed.
"What's wrong, love?" Martin asks sleepily, snuggling into his side.
"I got-" Jon pauses, utterly flummoxed. "I got paid a bonus."
"What?" Equally perplexed, Martin takes his phone, squinting as he tries to read the screen.
The banking app is open, and there is indeed a deposit there, Jon's normal salary amount, but on completely the wrong date.
In the purpose box, it simply reads 'Entertainment Value'.
"You don't think," Jon starts, hesitant, "that Elias paid me…"
"For hitting Peter Lukas?" Martin finishes, "His own husband."
They blink at each other, bewildered.
"Does that seem… slightly cursed, to you?" Jon whispers as if Elias might hear him. Even worse if Elias could hear them, and would probably enjoy being accused of having a cursed relationship.
"Yes, completely cursed. What is up with those two?" Martin looks as if he's smelled something bad.
"We absolutely cannot spend this money, right?" Jon asks. "Lest we are cursed with their relationship dysfunction."
"Correct," Martin responds firmly, shuddering. "Can we donate it to the animal shelter?"
"I think that's a wonderful idea." Jon's relief at this resolution is palpable.
He does it straight away, as if even having the money in his bank account might ruin their lives.
They let out a simultaneous sigh as the transfer goes through.
"That is wild," Martin mutters as he snuggles back down.
Jon tosses his phone away, no longer interested in it. Instead, he wraps his arms around Martin, burying his nose in his lover's hair. It smells of bergamot and tea leaves and the ocean in winter, just like Martin himself, and Jon luxuriates in the moment.
"I love you, Martin K. Blackwood." He whispers into the soft air.
"Even if I don't actually have a middle name?" Martin whispers back.
"Especially because of that." Jon chuckles.
They lay together, the gentle moments of the morning flowing around them. Later, they get up and shower together. They drink tea in front of the big windows in the living space. Martin reads a book from Gerry's shelves, his own books still packed, and Jon wanders off to play his piano where it is randomly set up, right in the middle of Gerry's typical painting area.
Gerry himself appears downstairs, still sleepy and bleary-eyed. He curls up with his head in Martin's lap, listening to Jon fill the flat with gentle music.
It's the soft sort of moment that each of them had been wishing for all their lives, full of love, and family, and a home of their very own.
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can you like. tell me a little about dragon age. seeing your posts about it has got me interested in playing but i have little to no clue what it actually is
Boy can I explain nonny <3 This is a bit long so strap in and im sorry
Dragon Age is (currently) a three game series composed of Dragon Age: Origins (PS3, Xbox 360/Xbox One, PC), Dragon Age: II (PS3, Xbox 360/Xbox One, PC), and Dragon Age: Inquisition (PS4, Xbox One, PC) and its really unique because of its selling point that your actions impact the games as you progress. Like if you kill one character in one game they’ll stay dead through the rest of the series which makes you feel lived in the story and that your actions matter. Dragon Age is also an RPG so a roleplaying game kind of along the same lines of DnD where you get to make and play your own character. And yes there are romances and you can be gay.
The First Game of the series is Dragon Age: Origins where you choose from a selection of six unique (technically seven) origins or backgrounds for your character. You can be anywhere from a human noble or a Dalish elf, the unique elven culture in Dragon Age of nomadic clans dedicating to reclaiming their past. But eventually, from the events in your origin, you wind up a member of a secretive and elite order known as the Grey Wardens whose duty is to protect the world from the Blight.
The Blight is this spread of a horrible disease known as the Taint but is characterized by the presence of Darkspawn, a kind of zombie like creature who exists only to destroy the world. Grey Wardens take the heavy duty of protecting the world from the Blight, which have nearly wiped all of humanity multiple times, at all costs. And currently the country of Ferelden is under going a blight and due to events you wind up the only Grey Warden with your companion Alistair to save the world and reunite Ferelden which had fallen under a civil war.
Along Origins you meet many interesting characters. Alistair is your friendly co-warden who has a mysterious parentage that he hides under his happy go lucky attitude. In contrast to Alistair is the witch Morrigan who is your favorite goth swamp queen who would insult you and you thank her. In addition you meet your chaotic bi rogues Zevran and Leliana. Leliana is a nun who is on the run and hiding from a dark past and she is suspiciously good at murder. And Zevran is not at all hiding his aptitude for murder as an Assassin for hire who tried and failed to kill you but who can ignore that charming bastard?
Dragon Age II follows a much smaller story of a Ferelden refuge who had escaped from the Blight to the city of Kirkwall named Hawke. Unlike in origins where you get to pick your background 2 limits you to Hawke but fear not, Hawke is a loveable bastard and you can still customize them. Throughout DA2 you get to experience all the delights Kirkwall has to offer: Demons, crime, corrupt cops, and fighting your way to survive in this city and make a name for yourself.
Where Origins sets the stage for the world DA2 you are the actor in that play - literally the game is divided into 3 acts that take place over a span of 7 years. DA2′s main conflict is the argument of Mages vs Templars, as in DA’s lore while there are those who are born with magic they are forced to live in prisons policed by the Templar order and the church. You explore the more political arguments of; are the Templars right in their fears of magic as Kirkwall is filled to the brim with corrupt mages or do Mages deserve the chance to live and prove themselves freely from their prisons.
Your romancable companions in DA2 are all bisexuals as the true theme of DA2 is: be gay do crime. You have the foils of Anders: the runaway mage who fled from the prisons the mages are housed in and is determined to bring mages to freedom, and Fenris: the runaway escaped slave who curses magic for only inflicting pain and suffering in his life and wants his warnings to be heard about the dangers magic bring. In addition you also have Merrill, your cute but terrifying Dalish mage who would probably murder you with a cute smile and then go oops. And of course, my pirate wife Isabela, who lives a life free from commitment and is dedicated to the idea everyone should have a good time no matter the cost. Also while not romancable Hawke’s bff Varric deserves every ounce of praise he gets as never before has the energy of “two idiots sharing a braincell” ever been so well adapted.
Then finally we reach Inquisition. After the events of DA2 it triggers a full on war between the Mages and Templars that is destroying the land and causing severe damage that neither side can handle anymore. Desperate for an end to the conflict the Divine (err... fantasy pope) calls for a meeting on both sides... only for the entire thing to literally explode. Killing everyone present and causing a hole in the sky which now means demons are raining like cats and dogs you are the only one to survive. In Inquisition you can once again return to pick between unique backgrounds like in Origins but you don’t get to play through those backgrounds sadly.
You now possess something on your left hand which gives you the ability to patch up the hole in the sky that is pissing demons and due to being the only survivor everyone is incredibly confused about you. Eventually the Inquisition is formed around you, the character they are calling the Herald of Andraste (Andraste is fantasy Jesus) due to your ability to seal the holes. The mystery unfolds as over the course of the game you learn what caused the explosion, how you are connected, and what exactly the mark on your hand is.
DAI has the largest numbers of romance options so I’m gonna give a quick bullet point list for them all
Iron Bull (Pansexual, All Races): A Qunari (think Tiefling but big and beefy) mercenary who is far more clever than he lets on, as well as being the rope top dom of your dreams. Literally! Bull’s romance is a really healthy bdsm relationship if you are interested its very well done
Josephine (Bisexual, All Races): Your loveable ambassador and advisor for the inquisition. She is a workaholic noble who is a tried and true classic romance. Sweep her off her feet and duel for her hand all while navigating the nobility
Dorian (Gay, All Races): The flamboyant pariah rock star mage, he demands attention whenever he walks into the room. Although he wants to be all talk and no emotions make no mistake he is making puppy eyes at you the entire time and gets deeply offended if you say he is. Also not going to lie Dorian is the best piece of gay male rep in gaming history.
Cassandra (Male-only, all Races): Your stern warrior wife who is all serious no funny business... expect she is a bleeding heart romantic who reads horrible smut for fun. You wish to COURT HER?? I mean... if you want 👉👈 she won’t say no...
Blackwall (Female-only, All Races): Your weird dilf who wants desperately to prove himself every step of the way and help people. He is a constable for the Grey Wardens, but all the details on him seem murky... Ah well I’m sure its nothing, the Grey Wardens are a secretive order after all.
Sera (Lesbian, All Races): My wild child, monster chugging, beer guzzling, arrow shooting lesbian. Sera is here for a fun time and not a serious one, she’ll always make sure to keep you humble and ensure you aren’t getting to big for your breeches.
Cullen (Female-Only, Human and Elf only): Cullen’s the Inquisition’s commander who oohh boy is steeped in a lot of trauma. Cullen’s actually a character you get to know through out the series and see just all the horrible nonsense he’s been through. But he is your tragic self loathing... he isn’t princely but he is your adorkable charming
Solas (Female-Only, Elf Only): The humble apostate who joins the Inquisition out of curiosity of the breech, he is an expert on what the hell is going on with that hole in the sky. However, he holds a wisdom that goes far deeper than your typical apostate. Smooth talking and refined he carries a heavy cloud over him.
I left out a lot and all the nonsense with books and what have you but this is the easiest overview of the series I can offer. It’s main selling points is the deep story and characters throughout the games. And of course who doesn’t love the ability to make and roleplay your own character as a bonus? The games are bit of a flawed gem and Origins in my ugly child but they are truly a delight if you are interested
#eren.txt#eren.asks#anonymous#long post#not putting this under a readmore im sorry#im just lazy#i can answer more questions if you have them#Anonymous
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I read Ruin and Rising because I’m bored
And I also hate myself
Like with the last book, I have a vague idea of the plot and stuff from tumblr and fanfics. I will also be refering to Darkling as Sasha for most of this.
I am still Darklina trash and don’t particularly like Mal.
On a different note, I’ve finally moved for college, but the internet here is trash, so I’ll probably have a lot more reading time now, since most games I play are online and will crash without internet.
Before
Cool story. Let’s hope Alina stays a badass.
Who am I joking, I know how this ends.
Chapter 1
So far so good. I hate the Apparat, per usual. Alina’s there basically dying and that bitch can’t wait to see her do so.
Cult leader to the core this one. He probably hates that his figurehead is alive and also not brainwashed.
Cult leader doesn’t like swearing. How surprising.
My boy David is completely right. What kind of irresponsible dingus keeps centuries old books in a fucking wet-ass cave? (Or a tree for that matter *cough cough* The Last Jedi *cough, cough*).
Genya is fun to be around.
Oh, shit, let’s go.
Chapter 2
Jesus Christ, Alina, Zoya isn’t that bad.
This is one hell of a shitshow.
I live for this version of Alina. Badass. Scary. I want more of this Alina.
Chapter 3
Out of all the random little details from crappy smut fics, I did not expect Oncat to be from the books, lol.
Mal actually has a supernatural tracking ability. Like, literally, they put a bug into the pouch with gunpowder so he could make the shot. I guess this was kinda said before, but never this directly, right?
Alina’s merzost-skyping Sasha now, yay.
Alina is horny for Sasha boy. Yay.
Alina canonically has a praise kink. Nice.
I hate LB with all of my heart at this very moment. How dare she bait us Darklina people like this? How DARE she? (Shipbaiting is the worst, seriously.)
Yes, yes, yes. These two lines. That’s what their relationship is all about. They’re each others foils, the yin to the other’s yang and... ugh. I am Darklina trash to the core and this hurts.
Darklina: You have a terrible taste in men.
Alina: I liked you once.
My boy Sasha walked into that one.
Chapter 4
Alina is a Queen. And we love her.
David, my beloved, my spirit animal.
It’s surprising they can read it at all, given it’s been centuries. Have you ever tried reading medieval manuscripts?
Honestly, with a father that crazy, it’s no wonder Baghra’s a bitch. And I’ve seen it said somewhere that the books imply Ilya’s experiments are what caused Baghra to be a shadow summoner and you know what? I can see how you’d make that connection.
Why is there so few Tidemakers in the books? Waterbenders are useful. I want more waterbenders.
Alina picking up some habits from Baghra I see.
Ah, yes, we love an educated giant.
I’m starting to think Harshaw is a bit nuts.
Shut up, Hershey. Or at least share the weed with the class. I’m not here for this “He’s mean to you because he likes you”. I might believe that in like, elementary school, but yall are (more or less) adults. Jesus.
Well, that was a bombshell of a twist.
Chapter 5
Oh boy, we’ve got some trauma bonding for out merry band of misfits. Yay.
Adrik has a crush on Zoya. And she hates it, lol. Cut the kid some slack, he’s like 15 or something.
That reminds me, I have a four-leaf clover pressed in books from close to year and a half ago. Time flies.
They’re really diving into the Mal has supernatural powers, huh?
Ghosts, let’s go.
Alina “I’m so happy to be outside I start to shine like a fucking fairy” Starkov and Mal is entranced. He’s definitelly nicer now. I’m not forgiving him for all the shit he’s pulled before and for using the silent treatment way too much, but hey, at least he’s improving.
I am not a Zoyalina person, but like... gay? Please? Rivals to grudging allies to friends to lovers, 300k slowburn? Sounds more fun than whatever Mala dn Alina have going on, lol.
(I’m starting to realize I’m not as much a Darklina person as I am anti-Malina person, lol. Like, literally everyone has a more interesting dynamic with Alina than tracker boy over there. Malina is at best boring AF and at worst toxic, codependent and emotionally abusive, while also being boring AF at the same time. It has literally nothing going for it except God herself liking it).
I can see why Nadia is gay in the show. The book version of her definitelly has a crush on Tamar. Homegirl likes a woman, who can murder her with the flick of her wrist and honestly? Same.
Alina has some big “coming out of lockdown after a year” energy atm.
The cat is one of the most realistic characters in this thing, lol.
And since Tamar is also heavily queercoded, our lovely ladies make off into the night, flirting. Or maybe not. Let me dream, though.
At least Blade Boy is aware that his tattoo is stupid. To quote someone ranting about him on tumblr: He’s embracing his identity as a tool.
Oh, boy, this will be fun.
Evil soldier is horny for Mal. Saints, is there a woman in this book who isn’t horny for Blade Boy?
And here comes Niki to save the day.
Chapter 6
Niki saved the day.
Fiberglass? And David being David. Genya being in love with her nerd of a boyfriend.
Jesus Christ, this one crazy kid has moved the technology in this universe a whole century on his own. So, when is David going to propose to him?
Baghra hasn’t changed much I see.
Baghra’s about to drop some truthbombs, but no, we have to be rudely interupted because Genya’s rapist is throwing a fit.
Chapter 7
How does Mal sound? Is she gonna say the Blade boy sounds like her dad? I mean, I know voices are partially genetic, but it has been tens of generations between them, probably.
So, we’re finally taking Genya’s trauma seriously after all this time? Good. Better late than never, I guess.
I wish that regicide was already finished and I’m pretty sure that Genya does, too. Stop defending the fucking king, narrative.
David’s a nerd in all things I see.
Someone please just kill the king already. And the queen, too, for good measure.
Now that’s a romance.
Infodumping and listening to said infodumps is a legitimate love language, Alina. Let them nerd out over poisons.
Wait, has Alina never directly killed anyone before? I thought she did... hmmm.
And just like that, it should have been over. Ugh.
Somehow, Baghra is a better teacher now than she was before. She half feels like a completely different character.
Nevermind, she’s back at it.
Chapter 8
Holy shit, Nadia and Tamar are canon. They have canon gays here.
So, which one of them is gonna die?
Chapter 9
We arrive at that scene. The one, where they should have fucked.
Jeez, girl, get a hold of yourself. Life is short, fuck a villain.
In other news, Genya and David definitelly fucked.
Chapter 10
Poor David. He just wanted to know.
Damn... I never realized just how young Baghra was, when she killed her sister.
I’ve already made a post about this, but it really does strike me like Baghra has already decided to end her life at this point in the book.
Why is that whole “but what if we’re related” thing even in there?
Chapter 11
We love a suprise attack.
When did Sasha boy learn that trick?
Baghra really just did that. Oh boy.
Chapter 12
No, don’t kill the kid... ugh.
Emotiona support cat. She should be friends with Milo.
Porrige for brains. Oof.
So Nadia was the one, who got bees set on her in the book. Cool.
That’s a good question. Why was it never brought up to Alina, that other Grisha get blocks, too?
David already thinking of steampunk prosthetic for Adrik is honestly kinda sweet.
Chapter 13
Back home... kinda.
Is that really... you really care about Mal bonking the Grisha school mean girl over a year ago? Okay.
Chapter 14
Angst! Yay!
And more angst.
Chapter 15
Sasha really went “My mom killed herself to save you? Well, I’ll kill the closest thing to parents you have.”
Chapter 16
Nikolai’s alive. Kinda.
And these two have such a sibling energy, I can’t.
And then they fuck. Ew.
Chapter 17
Wait, wait wait... so Alina isn’t even the one to destroy the Fold?
Okay. That’s... weird.
Holy shit. That was...
So, Aleksander is dead. Mal isn’t. Someone else destroyed the Fold for Alina and now she has no powers.
Okay.
That’s a weird-ass ending.
Chapter 18
The gays survived, so that’s nice.
Genya made good on her promise of making Alina a ginger, lol.
After
What emotion is this supposed to give me? Cause all I feel is kinda sad.
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Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 6
Who the F*ck’s Rebecca? OR How the 3 Gays got Together
Virgil learns about Roman’s childhood, specifically his sister and how he ended up dating Patton and Logan.
Warning: Misgendering of a character (but no one knows that the character is trans)
Yes, Roman and Remus are brothers. Explanations are listed at the bottom
Chapter 5 | Masterlist | Chapter 7
V- (2:07 PM) Let it Go was the best song in Frozen and you cannot convince me otherwise
R- (2:07 PM) I respect your opinion, but hear me out: Love is an Open Door
V- (2:08 PM) No
R- (2:08 PM) What about Fixer Upper?
V- (2:09 PM) Still no.
P- (2:09 PM) I really liked Olaf’s song about Summer!
L- (2:10 PM) I personally enjoyed the reprise of First Time in Forever.
R- (2:10 PM) You like almost any song with a reprise
L- (2:10 PM)I will not argue that, as successfully executed reprises are “lit.”
R- (2:11 PM) Ah, and who among us could forget the absolute BOP that is… that weird ice-cutting song.
P- (2:11 PM) I don’t know, Roman. I think that song is, pretty COOL
R- (2:11 PM) Oh, lookout
V- (2:12 PM) What? He’s just saying it’s a CHILLED out groove.
R- (2:12 PM) Ugh
L- (2:12 PM) We might need you two to leave this chat if you don’t stop.
Virgil laughed, throwing his phone on the bed and stripping out of his clothes. He just finished jogging home from Janus’ (he didn’t own a car right now, preferring to walk or have Janus pick him up). It was a lazy afternoon in late September, and all Virgil wanted to do was get out of these sweaty clothes and maybe take a nap. He heard his phone go off multiple times as he got dressed, probably Patton and Logan arguing about the purpose of puns. He flopped down onto his bed and grabbed his phone, checking the new messages.
P- (2:14 PM) Lo, the Princes are calling.
L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman not to answer, Patton. We’ve been over this.
P- (2:14 PM) They’re asking about us, Lo.
L- (2:14 PM) Tell Roman to hang up. They’re not worth it.
P- (2:15 PM) They’re yelling now, L. They brought up Rebecca. What do I do?
L- (2:15 PM) Just walk into another room, Patton. Ignore them. Do you want me to call you?
P- (2:15 PM) No, I’m good. Just keep texting me. I need a distraction.
Now, Virgil had no idea about what the fuck was going on. But he knew how to distract someone. He’d just have to trust them to tell him later.
V- (2:16 PM) Did you know that octopi have 3 hearts?
L- (2:16 PM) What
P- (2:16 PM) That just means they have more love to give!
V- (2:17 PM) The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds
P- (2:17 PM) Such a good bird!
V- (2:17 PM) Babies do not regularly produce tears until they are 1-3 months old
L- (2:18 PM) Ah, I think I understand now
V- (2:18 PM) A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time. It stands for 1/1000th of a second
L- (2:18 PM) Falsehood. A jiffy is 1/100th of a second
V- (2:19 PM) Sorry, my hand must’ve slipped.
L- (2:19 PM) You would be unable to walk on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus or Neptune because they have no solid surface.
L- (2:20 PM) An asteroid about the size of a car enters Earth’s atmosphere roughly once a year. However, it burns up before it can reach us.
L- (2:20 PM) The highest mountain known to man is on an asteroid called Vesta. It is approximately three times the height of Mount Everest.
P- (2:21 PM) I think they hung up. Thanks for keeping me company, Kiddos!
L- (2:21 PM) It was not an issue, Patton.
V- (2:21 PM) Yeah, no problem Pat. Now can someone explain what just happened?
L- (2:23 PM) As you can probably tell, I am not home at the moment. Apparently, Roman’s parents decided to call him and an argument broke out. The rest is not my place to say.
Virgil bit his lip, refusing to look at his phone screen. Did Virgil have the right to ask about that. It was obviously a very sensitive topic, and Virgil had only known Roman for about 3 months now. Virgil felt like he knew a lot about his 3 crushes (their quirks, their favorite sweets, their goals in life), but he knew very little about their lives before Virgil had met them. Which was fine; they knew very little about Virgil’s life, too. But he desperately wanted to help Roman; to make him feel happy and safe and loved. Virgil sighed, setting his phone on his nightstand. If Princey wants to tell me what’s going on, I’ll listen. If not, I’ll just have to deal with it.
Virgil woke up from his nap to the sound of his phone going off. He blindly felt around for it, his face still firmly planted in his pillow. He finally found it, turning it on before he lifted his head to read the text. It was a private message from Princey.
R- (3:02 PM) You’re probably wondering what happened today.
V- (3:02 PM) I am, but you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. I’ll respect your privacy.
R- (3:02 PM) As much as I appreciate that, you still deserve to know.
R- (3:03 PM) Do you mind if I call you? This doesn’t feel like a conversation to have over text.
Virgil thought about it for a moment. He originally never wanted to call Roman, simply because he might recognize Virgil’s voice as Anxiety’s. However, not only was Virgil 99% confident that Roman had never even heard of The Dark Sides, Virgil’s head was still foggy after his nap. Before he knew it, he was already calling Princey’s phone.
“Virgil?” Roman didn’t sound as… grand as Virgil expected. His voice was subdued and slightly hoarse, probably from the screaming match with his parents.
“Heya, Princey.” Virgil cringed at how gravelly his voice sounded. He’ll need to get some water after this conversation is over.
“You sound so tired. Oh my stars, did I wake you up? I’m so sorry. I’ll let you get back to sleep-”
“Princey, it’s okay. Just finished my nap. Might not talk much, but ‘m all ears.”
“Alright. Where do I even begin?”
“Take your time. ‘m not pressurin’ you or anythin’.”
“(sigh) You’re right. I guess I should start at the beginning. I grew up in a very... conservative household. My parents expected me and my sister, Rebecca, to be perfect. ReeRee was my partner in crime. We did everything together up until highschool. My parents expected me to get a football scholarship and date the hottest girl in school. I did those things, not because I wanted to, but because they wanted me to. ReeRee was a different story. When my parents signed her up for cheerleading, she tried to join the football team instead. When they told her she should wear her hair in a ponytail, she cut it off to match mine. I didn’t understand, and it made me angry. It was like looking in a funhouse mirror; she was starting to look more and more like me, and yet each change made my parents angrier. Why was looking and acting like me a problem? I thought they liked this version of me! One night in the summer before junior year I was really frustrated and I took it out on her. I told her to stop acting like me. I knew she didn’t deserve my anger, so I went to Patton’s place to cool down. By the time I came home, my parents refused to acknowledge that I even had a sister. I pushed her away, and now I’ll never get her back.
After that, things changed. I was so angry, and everything I saw reminded me of her. I quit the football team, because every time I went down to the field I expected to see her. I dyed my hair, because every time I looked in the mirror I saw her staring back. I stopped caring about what my parents thought, ‘cause it was their opinions that dragged me into this mess!
I had already been friends with Patton since Freshman year, but me and Logan had been at each other’s throats . We were always bickering about something, and sometimes I used our arguments to vent out my anger at whatever was wrong at the time. I didn’t even realize how much I had cared about Patton and Logan until I learned about the LGBTQ+ community. My parents were super strict, and Patton and Logan didn’t exactly flaunt their relationship. I had no idea that liking guys was even an option . Once I learned about it, my parents quickly tried to shut it down. Everyday, they’d start their day telling me that ‘homosexuality is a sin’ and ‘God made you to be the gender you were born with!’ If they had told me that before ReeRee left, I might’ve believed them. But by this point, I didn’t care about a single thing they told me.
So one day, I’m arguing with Logan about who knows what, and suddenly we’re inches apart, and I remember pa saying ‘ a boy should never kiss another boy.’ And just think, ‘Fuck it.’ And now me and Pocket Protector are suddenly making out behind the school building. Microsoft Nerd asks why the hell I decided to make out with him of all people, and I break down right there. He agreed to keep it a secret, but he refused to do anything more than a simple make-out session until he had Padre’s consent to do so. Which I understood, consent is important, cheating is bad.
Now we’re having these ‘sessions’ at least once a week for almost 4 months. Patton eventually walked in on us and he was understandably upset. I explained what had happened and that I’ve had a crush on both of them for a while. And they’re like ‘cool, we’re polyam.’ And now I’m starting senior year dating two men, which mom and pa were not okay with. I told ‘em to fuck off and we moved away as soon as we graduated. They still call occasionally, asking when I’m gonna get my life together and get over losing ReeRee. I haven’t blocked ‘em yet in case they find her or change their minds.”
Roman finally took a deep breath. “Sorry about the rant. Didn’t realise how badly I needed to get that off my chest.”
Virgil snorted. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. Told ya I’d be a good ear. And Princey?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t gotta do anything to impress someone else. You bein’ you is good enough. And if Rebecca could see you, I’m sure she’d be proud as hell. And don’t be ‘fraid to hit me up if you need someone other than your SOs to rant to; I’ll always be here for ya, Princey.”
“... Thank you, Virgil. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that until you said it.” He sighed, and Virgil could hear the sound of running water. “I’m gonna go drink some water. My throat burns like a bitch right now.”
“Same. Catch you later?”
He could hear Roman chuckle to himself. “I guess you shall. Farewell, Storm Cloud. And pleasant dreams!”
Virgil blushed. The way Roman said his nickname… it made Virgil’s gay heart nearly explode. He quickly hung up and buried his face back into his pillow. I’ll get water later. AFTER my heart stops racing.
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Now, for those of you wondering about why Virgil doesn't realize that Roman and Remus are brothers, I'm gonna put a quick explanation here, 'cause I don't know how to casually fit this into the story. 1.) Remus has never told Virgil his deadname or his last name. He's probably told Janus (since their pretty close) but Virgil doesn't know. 2.) Remus has never told Virgil that his brother's name is Roman. Additionally, when Virgil is talking about the 3 gays, he only calls them "Pat, Lo and Princey." 3.) Roman's parents didn't tell him that Remus transitioned, so he doesn't know that Rebecca now goes by Remus. Also, none of the characters have actually sent pictures of their faces, so none of them have any idea what the other looks like. 4.) It is a total coincidence that both twins moved to the same town. Remus believes that Roman still lives in their hometown, and Remus could be dead for all that Roman knows. There is no logical reason for them to think "maybe Virgil's friends with my long-lost sibling" 5.) Virgil would NEVER out his friends like that. He tells Janus and Remus everything, but he would NEVER betray Roman's trust like that. Same thing for telling Roman about Remus. Roman might know that Remus is trans, but he doesn't know about Remus' background. ONE LAST THING: Roman and Virgil will eventually see each other face-to-face but WON'T recognize each other's voices. This is because during the phone call Virgil is still groggy from waking up and Roman is still hoarse from screaming.
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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst
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For the ultimate ship meme, Lion and Doc? I'm sorry, I'm LionDoc trash-
it’s all good!! whenever someone sends in an ask, i get an excuse to talk/write about one of my interests! really, it makes me so happy to be able to create content that people hopefully enjoy!! 💝💝💝
General:
Rate the Ship - Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs
How long will they last? - until the end of time, babey
How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it was love at first sight but then they started talking i do think it was some form of ~interest~ in one another at first sight, but then all that drama and lack of communication happened so they didn’t really allow themselves to even dream about the possibility of a relationship. HOWEVER! once lion joined rainbow and they talked their shit out like people who know how to cope, there was a period of a few months that is now referred to as The Four Months of Pining™, during which glaz did a lot of paintings where the subject (who usually bears an uncanny resemblance to doc or lion) is staring at something (or someone) longingly. he calls it his french period. when they finally get together, a LOT of money changes hands. and goes straight into sledge’s pocket (he was the only one who bet that it would take them this long). diana gets a brand new collar (handmade), bed (handmade), dish (handmade), and many new toys (some handmade, some store-bought. sledge’s craftsmanship can only get him so far)
How was their first kiss? - you know how the french are supposed to be super suave and confident??? and how gay people are trying their hardest but they’re just Not Good at things????? (i know these are stereotypes but stay with me). well, with their 5/8 french blood (i hc one of doc’s parents is fully algerian while the other is half french, half algerian), and their 4/4 gay blood, they have an 81.25% chance of success in matters of the heart. sadly, that 18.75% chance of failure came into play during this situation. picture it. doc and lion. romantic, home-cooked dinner. le festin is playing in the background. they’re holding hands over the table. suddenly, doc’s cat goes into labour. all hell breaks loose. lion is getting flashbacks to his son’s birth, so now he’s hyperventilating. doc carries him to the couch and turns on the fan so he can cool off and catch his breath, before carefully moving his cat, Rayie (arabic for gorgeous, pronounced rye-ah) to the living room in his handmade Birthing Box, then grabs a pile of blankets and a heat lamp and situates himself on the ground nearby so he can help her if she needs it. once the kittens are born (they’re twins!! Sadiqi is the boy, and Amirti is the girl!!!) doc makes sure they’re nice and warm and that Rayie is recovering, and gives her pets while she cleans her babies. once the happy family is all settled in for the night, doc walks over to the couch and just. lays down on top of lion. once he’s gotten over the adrenaline of the birth, he takes lion’s face in his hands and says “promise me you’ll be more calm if we ever decide to have kids” and gives him a BIG smooch while lion’s just short-circuiting like “does he know i have a son???? did i forget to mention my son?????? also what about these kittens??? are they not sufficiently childish to count as children????? DOES HE WANT KIDS????? does he want to marry me??????? wait why is he getting so clo-”
Wedding:
Who proposed? - lion. it was the day of their two year anniversary (yes i AM saying they got together the august after outbreak don’t @ me) and they were on vacation at doc’s family’s Secret Beach House. they were vibing on the balcony, watching the sunset, when lion suddenly clears his throat. doc turns to look at him and finds his boyfriend down on one knee, looking like he might flee to Bermuda. he’s reaching for something in his pocket. doc starts laughing. lion, completely misunderstanding his reaction, flushes and stammers out an apology. doc sees this, and immediately stops, though he’s still smiling gleefully as he catches lion by the biceps, then reaches into his own pocket and pulls the ring he was going to give olivier. they exchange rings, giggling like little kids, and spend the rest of the night making out on whatever surfaces are available.
Who is the best man/men? - for lion? montagne. (his son is the ring bearer and doc’s niece is the flower girl). for doc? rook. he’s so happy he gets to participate in his dad’s wedding
Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - for lion: finka. for doc: twitch
Who did the most planning? - both of them!! do you know how hard they worked to ensure the ceremony was valid in the eyes of both of their religions
Who stressed the most? - s e e a b o v e
How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.
Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - lion’s parents. they tried to call him during the reception but doc’s grandma grabbed his phone and started cussing them out, talking about dishonor and how they tried to disown him so they’re not his parents anymore, and besides, his new family absolutely adores him, so really, it’s their loss. once she hangs up, she pulls lion into a hug and he calls her his favorite, if only, grand-mère
Sex:
Who is on top? - who’s topping? lion. but sometimes doc gets bitchy so he gets to set the pace if you know what i mean
Who is the one to instigate things? - they are both lowkey horny 24/7 so 👀👀👀
How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now (only because they do get to see each other fairly often. if one goes on a long mission without the other, once they get back they will bump it up to a 10 real quick)
How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head
How long do they normally last? - idk long enough ig. maybe longer if someone feels they’ve been left ~unsatisfied~ they might go a few more rounds ;))
Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - ok it depends on what they’re doing but usually it’s one or two each, but on ~special~ occasions it’s either doc getting edged and denied for hours, OR doc getting forced to come over and over again until he’s begging for something, whether it be more or a goddamn break even he isn’t really sure. either way he’s crying and lion is consistently asking if he needs to safeword and otherwise checking in because they may like it rough but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care
How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.
How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.
Children:
How many children will they have naturally? - unless someone’s hormones and organs get fucked, zero
How many children will they adopt? - probably none?? idk they’ve already got lion’s son and they’re both busy enough with work so
Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - NEITHER!!!!! DISGUSTANG!!!!!!!!!
Who is the stricter parent? - god i wanna say both. like lion and his attachment to rules??? but doc and his Mom Friend energy????? but ig lion BUT HE’S NOT STRICT TO THE POINT HE’S A BUZZKILL OR ANYTHING HE’S JUST RESPONSIBLE (he will NOT allow his husband and son to go vandalize the property of some islamaphobic brits, as much as he agrees with the sentiment)
Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - doc will only allow vandalism if it’s in the name of righteousness. meaning, he’ll allow their son to spray paint the walls of a goddamn walmart with shit like “eat the rich” and a portrait of robespierre and a guillotine, but it is a HARD NO on defacing places like the library or community center (unless he has a good reason to do so). lion spends his time praying and making sure his son knows which acts of civil disobedience are acceptable and which are distorting their goal
Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - doc. he (privately) dreams of retiring (eventually) and living out his lifelong dreams of being a househusband. so
Who is the more loved parent? - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IM GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS. but ig lion??? BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEIR SON HAS KNOWN HIM LONGER. doc is half Dad and half Cool Uncle Who Gives Me Spray Paint And Tells Me To Make Myself Heard (to clarify, i know doc is a pacifist, but im kinda projecting my own sentiment of “we’ve tried to be peaceful but you wouldn’t give us the time of day. now that we’ve “acted out” we’ve gotten your attention, and rest assured, things are going to change.” he won’t hurt anybody, he’s just tired of having to be everyone’s “muslim friend” and educating people on things they could google themselves)
Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - it used to be lion out of necessity, but when people started asking about his “wife” he was really torn between telling them that he and his son’s mother separated, but now he has a partner and his son seems very happy about it. when doc finally attends a meeting with lion, people really struggle to hide their shock. a few clunky but well-meaning “we support you”’s and “we’re sorry for everything that’s been going on”’s later, doc has used his charm to make friends with literally everyone. from then on, he is on pta duty on behalf of lion and his ex
Who cried the most at graduation? - lion! his parents purposefully didn’t show at his, so it’s a big deal for him to show his son just how proud he is. doc tears up a little too, but manages to mostly keep it together so he can support lion, who spends most of the day heave-crying about how proud he is into his husband’s shoulder. gustave just pats him on the back and tells him that they’ll run out of donuts if they don’t get to the concession stand soon
Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - doc. civil disobedience, baby!! he has never been caught. lion fears the law after his youth, so he tries to avoid any visits to law enforcement. he also can’t stand to see his son behind bars
Cooking:
Who does the most cooking? - doc. househusband, remember?
Who is the most picky in their food choice? - doc, but only because he can be a bit of a spice supremacist. he has to get his ingredients from these very specific farms and markets or else his great grandmother will begin manifesting in their house to curse them
Who does the grocery shopping? - doc, bc he does NOT trust lion to not just sweep all of the microwave ramen and kraft mac n cheese into the cart then sprint to self-checkout
How often do they bake desserts? - whenever possible. doc and maestro live by the philosophy “don’t do anything halfway” if they’re going to go through the trouble of making a meal, it will have multiple courses.
Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - doc is more of a salad eater but only for ease of consumption with halal laws. he adores filet mignon
Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - lion! maestro enlists himself as assistant head chef after walking into the base’s kitchen one day to find lion covered in flour and lying facedown on the floor, crying
Who is more likely to suggest going out? - also lion! though he’s memorized doc’s order at all of their favorite restaurants, so he usually just gets take out and puts on a big show of being a “tired housewife who works in the kitchen all day just for this one meal” and setting up the table so it’s all nice and romantic
Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - lion. he tried crème brûlée once. never again
Chores:
Who cleans the room? - lion. organization is everything to this man. doc helps with laundry and such, but for the most part he leaves organization to lion and his systems (think leslie knope levels of planning and organization)
Who is really against chores? - neither! they both understand that teamwork makes the dream work, baby!!
Who cleans up after the pets? - doc, since lion’s already asked him which color hanger should represent “clothes i can tear off my husband before we fuck” and he needs a Moment
Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - neither. they don’t own a broom
Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - lion because of the deep-seated catholic urge to appear perfect in front of others, and doc because people will gossip, olivier!
Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - lion. he immediately called doc into the room and asked “is this your stash of drug money?” doc, who had been asleep because it was 3 in the morning on a saturday, just stares at him
Misc:
Who takes the longer showers/baths? - it is so bold to assume they don’t shower together to “cut costs”
Who takes the dog out for a walk? - lion is known in their neighborhood as the man who walks cats. there is a facebook page where people post pictures of him walking his cats. vigil is an admin
How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - LITERALLY EVERY HOLIDAY GETS DECORATIONS. lion makes his own for the muslim holidays since there really aren’t many “of good quality” in stores. when they first started dating, doc came home to find his house covered in ramadan decorations, and lion standing precariously on a ladder, trying to string up fairy lights while learning how to pronounce important arabic words. needless to say, doc cries
What are their goals for the relationship? - mutual joy and contentment!!!!
Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - doc. he’s sleepy
Who plays the most pranks? - lion, but they’re stupid ones like replacing certain pictures with danny devito. doc gets back at him by replacing pictures of jesus with ewan mcgregor, and putting yoda into his nativity scene. lion doesn’t notice
#ask#anonymous#r6s doc#r6s lion#doc/lion#ass alert!#could you tell i forgot whether or not lion's ex and son had names#thank you for interacting!
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Chapter 2
1. Oof
I’m sure, even after being told about this ‘relative’, Sangwoo kept it cool and didn’t tip off anything to the police, acting like “OH RIGHT MY RELATIVE THAT I HAVEN’T SEEN IN A FKKN DECADE”. It comes to show that he is incredibly calculating and intelligent, able to keep a facade on to an artform. This was probably something he has been able to do ever since he was a child, as we’ll later witness in his flashbacks.
Later Sangwoo says “you might as well have said you were my brother”, which is meaningful because Sangwoo doesn’t have one. So every relative Sangwoo knows is just as nonexistent as his nonexistent sibling.
2. I find this important to note
Bum obviously is prone to putting people on pedestals, only seeing them through the rose tinted glass he wants to see them in.
3. Why this though?
I find it very interesting that, because he doesn’t want to die, what he yells out is “I FELL IN LOVE!” Why this? I’m sure he’s also used this an excuse for the others he has stalked (I wonder if Sangwoo ever realized that Bum also stalked women and how he felt about that), but it most likely never worked with them.
Bum was just spouting whatever came to mind, so the fact that the word ‘love’ is what jumped out of him says a lot of how much it has been consuming his every being, even in the face of death.
4. s;jgio;sejro;gisejro;igerj wtf sangwoo
...I...well. I mean, it’s a great parallel, I think. Bum’s desperation for love making him yell that as his last words, while Sangwoo’s desperation for that same love making him stop in his tracks and even...fucking pet Bum??? I dunno, lonely or not, that wouldn’t be the first response of a completely not-gay-straight-as-an-arrow man. But obviously, Bum is a cutie pie and can appear feminine, which is why Sangwoo didn’t automatically kill him. If Bum looked like a ‘man’, then there would seriously be no saving Bum.
And I’m sure Koogi meant to emphasize Bum’s feminine attractiveness in that petting panel, maybe as a way to show what Sangwoo was seeing. I love how it’s purely white and blank behind Bum, as Bum is all Sangwoo is seeing. The fact that it’s white rather than black can suggest that Bum could be a new beginning, something pure and untainted.
I do kinda wonder if Koogi had Sangwoo as straight as a way to mitigate the stigma against homosexuality??? As a way for her to say “just because the story is between two men doesn’t mean this is supposed to be representative of homosexuality itself”.
5. Wow, the whiplash of mood and quick thinking
Boy didn’t even fkkn hesitate to destroy Bum’s legs, goddamn.
However, this does show that Sangwoo is very aware and his mental faculties are intact, even during times like these. You think he’d be fkkn furious and lose it, beating Bum to death automatically before Bum could even say anything. But Sangwoo doesn’t. The moment Bum says “love”, he stopped. He wasn’t in a haze of fury...maybe excitement (especially with that goddamn terrifying smile as Bum runs up the stairs), but even that was controlled.
In away, Sangwoo just seems...tired. He’s moving only because he knows he has to.
Also, the moment he says “not with your legs the way they are”, Sangwoo sees Bum the same way he has seen the women who’ve also been in the basement. The CEO daughter girl also had broken legs, so obviously the first thing he does is ruin their legs so they don’t run away...which...yeah, smart. I actually haven’t seen that even with Criminal Mind. xD
So that does show that Sangwoo seems really set in keeping his prey with him. Not to ‘chain’ them or anything, but to keep them from leaving him.
6. Double homicide
Ooooh 3 years ago?? Okay this is interesting...conscription age is 18 (or 17 since Koreans add that one year). I’m confused because, technically, Bum should’ve met Sangwoo first in the military, then in his college days. So did Sangwoo go to military later at age 20? Could be since his mom is...yeah. And his dad...sure.
Also, Bum and Sangwoo are four years apart. So say that Sangwoo went to college first, so Bum met Sangwoo when he was 22...then while Sangwoo was 20 and Bum was 24, they went into the military later. Since Sangwoo is 24 now (or 25 in Korean age jfc), that means he was 21 when his parents were killed.
Sangwoo also seemed to have needed to be discharged early, most likely because of his sick mom, which would explain also why he was in no position to befriend Bum.
Anyways, so that means Bum knew Sangwoo and was in love with him for about 6 years.
7. Wow
No wonder Sungbae is like this. He sees the eyes of every person he chased in Sungwoo’s dead-eyed stare. But he’s actually wrong about this, lol. Sungwoo’s mom is the culprit, technically, even though she was also a vicitm.
8. UHHHHHHH
HEY, SANGWOO, HEY, WHY IS BUM FKKN NAKED TO HIS UNDERWEAR WHAT THE HELL. WHY DID YOU UNDRESS HIM SANGWOO. HEY.
Oh my god, wait, was that really Bum’s underwear or did Sangwoo put that on him??
Also, wow, Bum’s hips. He seriously has a feminine body. Like...pear body shape lol.
Also, seriously, Sangwoo is treating Bum right off the bat like the other women. Rather than completely heterosexual, Sangwoo is more demisexual. And rather than femininity, he more prefers ‘weaker’ bodies, so that he doesn’t feel threatened by them. That is automatic towards females.
9. Hmmmmn....
Ah, for this to be the first thing you fucking wake up to, jesus christ. xD
I wonder though, why did Sangwoo cut her hair short? There’s probably multiple reasons for it...but one theory I would find interesting is that it’s because he met Bum.
Maybe he wanted to see how she looked like with a male haircut, how it would look like and compare how it felt like to see a pretty girl beside a pretty boy. He compared the two physically and made his decision that Bum was worth more than her.
I really do find it interesting that Sangwoo truly chose Bum over her, despite her being voluptuous and beautiful and actually a woman, which...you know...important for het men right.
But Sangwoo chose Bum because even though Sangwoo went straight to beating him with a goddamn bat, Bum yelled “I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU”.
If the choice was between what’s between the person’s legs vs the person themselves, Sangwoo will choose the person.
10. Interesting insight
Into why Sangwoo killed her and his thought process. Again, interesting, the fact that he kept emphasizing how stupid she was.
Her screaming for help and stuff is a very natural reaction and no one should ever blame her for that. But, for Sangwoo, it was ridiculous because she should’ve known that would piss him off more rather than make him feel guilty.
Part of it is how he learned to survive growing up--by reading his parents’ moods and figuring out how to respond. And on a smaller scale, how to respond to other people so that they see nothing but a charming, handsome man. The fact that she can’t even do 1/100th of that is fucking infuriating...and on a personal level, I can understand that frustration.
The other part is that her begging for mercy is obviously NOT what he wants. He wants someone like Bum, who’ll respond to him with loyalty and desire. Who won’t be afraid of him and will still stay to ease his loneliness.
11. Uh
What kind of half-baked excuse was this, bro. You spared him only because of what he yelled out to you and you just don’t want to admit it to yourself...or maybe just don’t want to say it to Bum, so that you can control him better.
12. Women have hair too, asshole
Sangwoo really does try to feminize Bum throughout the whole story. So obviously, yes, his instinct is more hetero. If Bum were burly like a guy rather than delicate like a girl, there would be no saving him. Sangwoo has his preferences. And Bum fits the most important aspect--and that most important part isn’t Bum’s genitalia.
I also do think it has to do with social construct. Sangwoo most likely grew up internalizing misogynistic and homophobic belief systems, whether or not those are what he truly agreed with.
13. The first time Sungwoo snaps
Notable to mention that it’s because he sees Bum trembling in fear of him. Sangwoo doesn’t like being reminded of the monster he is. He doesn’t take pleasure in it. But because he knows that he’s unforgivable and can’t go back, he just makes the situation worse by further slipping into the skin of a monster.
Honestly, this might be more indicative towards what he witnessed with his father. He’s emulating his father’s qualities because he knows that he’s no better than him, and can’t handle that fact. He’s also locking up his women THE SAME WAY HIS FATHER DID TO HIS MOM.
But, honestly, I think it’s because his mom is just as bad as his dad, that’s why he’s doing the same things as his dad.
14. You beat the girl
This is indicative of the fact that Sangwoo would be willing to be with Bum despite being a guy. And also suggests that, again, he really was comparing them and decides that Bum, with all his ‘loser’ like qualities, is still worthier than her. Heterosexual first, but demisexual overall.
And again, I think he’s doing the same things he has seen his father has done, pouring the food over Bum’s face like that.
15. First reward
Ah, here comes the training.
Also, I can see how differently Bum responds compared to every single person he’s seen, including his mom. They all will feel humiliated and resentful, hateful towards Sangwoo, seeing him as a monster, or being completely defeated. But Bum, instead, responds exactly the opposite. This is exactly why I think Sangwoo decides to kiss Bum.
Because, despite Sangwoo calling him a retard, that is exactly what Sangwoo wanted to see (but at the same time, not...Sangwoo doesn’t want someone as messed up as Bum, but he knows that only someone as messed up as Bum can be with him, and more than anything, he doesn’t want to be lonely).
If Bum reacted with fear rather than desire, Sangwoo would’ve never kissed Bum.
This is also a huge catch-22 that will end up blowing up on both of them. Bum reacting like this will make Sangwoo feel better about his actions and like he was able to find the person who’ll be able to accept him for who he is. But in the long term, it will reinforce this behavior and truly make him into his father. It will also keep him from truly dealing with his past.
16. Oh goddamn
Great insight into Bum’s mentality. It’s amazing, also, that he sees this as a sign of ‘dating’.
What I find telling is that Bum is thinking this DESPITE SEEING PROOF OF HIM BEING A MURDERER. I do get that it could be from his dissociation from real life, so he doesn’t quite understand what is going on. But at the same time, really, if Sangwoo treated Bum better, then Bum would’ve been absolutely fine with him being a serial killer and even join him. I honestly do believe Bum is more of a natural-born murderer than Sangwoo (though Sangwoo is probably more of a natural asshole lol).
17. Why are you also mentioning the word date!?!?
And I’m not sure if Sangwoo senses that those are Bum’s thoughts, but he also is thinking about dating in this context??
I can see how Sangwoo could’ve ‘read’ his prey and responded in a way that would’ve messed with their heads, but at the same time, it could be that Sangwoo is looking at this situation in just as much a twisted way as Bum is. But rather than Bum’s “I’m disgusting, yet he’s kissing me” mentality, he’s more likely thinking “Kissing him isn’t disgusting, so he passes round 3″ (round 1 is the first time with the bat, round 2 is the one where he kills the girl instead of Bum).
The thing is, since Sangwoo didn’t find Bum’s kisses disgusting, it reinforces his desperation to keep Bum with him. If he didn’t like kissing Bum, then I truly believe Bum would’ve died right here and now.
Also, interesting: “You’ll be the only one that ends up hurt, you know?” So, obviously, Bum having one working leg increases his chances of escape. So this is Sangwoo’s way of saying ‘if you escape, then I’ll make sure to hurt/kill you because of that’.
18. Here comes the sledgehammer
This is an interesting parallel. Looking back at chapter 1, it also seems like only one of the girl’s legs are broken, like how Bum’s leg was after falling down the steps.
So to keep the girl from escaping, Sangwoo just most likely tied her up. It’s not full-proof and it limits her movements, but Sangwoo probably doesn’t give a shit because with how she’s acting, she wasn’t going to live much longer.
But for Bum...with Bum, he’s planning to let him live much longer. He doesn’t want to restrict Bum’s movements because that makes him less appealing. Instead, Sangwoo takes it personally--takes it upon himself--to actually break Bum’s legs. This is a much more permanent fixture, reflecting how he’s planning to keep Bum with him for a much longer time.
Also, now that I’m looking at this, I think Sangwoo doesn’t actually rape his victims. Yeah, he has molested the girl’s dead body, but I think that’s more of a curiosity towards a dead body than actual sexual interest. It’s natural after seeing his mom’s corpse in front of him and all that...screwed up as fuck jazz lol.
I think he has sex with them in the beginning and that’s probably when he snaps because...his mom raped him, so. After that, he tortures them according to their reaction to him. But he probably doesn’t actually touch them more than that. In the case of hypersexuality, Bum fits this much more than Sangwoo does at this point. Sangwoo seems to just use it as a weapon, while Bum does it because he wants to be fucked.
This makes sense because it seems like Sangwoo was raped once by his mom and probably molested the other times, while Bum was frequently raped.
Furthermore, Bum--as we’ll later see--is most likely the only one he truly does rape.
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“look what you made me do” 2/? | masterpost
aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want
second song on deck, as promised; this one actually has quite a few cas beats in it, especially at the start, despite it having a dean vibe overall, so it should be interesting. again, bonus fanvid link at the end <3
this is me trying
i've been having a hard time adjusting i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
ok, we start off strong with a couplet that could suit either dean or cas. “the shiniest wheels” is actually a perfectly fitting metaphor for a show that treats cars like emotional avatars of the people who drive them (i could so easily go into a digression about how the same thing happens in trc but this is the wrong post for that... how do i keep finding myself emotionally invested in car-fetishizing media while barely being a can-drive gay myself). ANYWAY, the first thing that comes to mind is the impala and how it’s pretty much synonymous with dean’s sense of self, how it gets wrecked and rebuilt over the course of the show, often tied in to his emotional state. and dean, well. he’s built up a lot of trauma over the years, but he’s also just getting older, as humans do.
on the other hand, we could also see it as a cas line - he’s not as much of a carfucker car aficionado as dean but he’s an adoptive winchester so hey, it still kinda works (rip to the pimpmobile, gone but not forgotten). what i MEAN is -- cas has been slowly falling from grace ever since season 4. he was becoming more human in season 5 already, with a grim prediction of his human future in 5x04; then lived as human for a while in season 7; then became completely human in season 9 before regaining his grace. but in season 15, again, his grace was apparently failing (boy it would be SUCH a shame if that plot point just, like... got dropped... 😐). substitute “wings” for “wheels” and you get a picture of someone who used to be this unstoppable, super-powered angel soldier that demons cowered in fear of, but has slowly become more human over time. as for “a hard time adjusting”... well, cas’ journey towards humanity has not been the easiest transition: it’s come with self-doubt, mental and physical pain, and of course, as he learned about love: heartbreak.
TL;DR: LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST AND THESE GUYS ARE TIRED.
i didn't know if you'd care if i came back; i have a lot of regrets about that
‘kay, this next part is definitely cas. cas who, as i mentioned in the previous post, just keeps leaving, whether that’s because he’s sacrificing himself or taking off on his own. and because that typically goes over like a lead balloon with dean, either because it leaves him grieving and traumatised or it plays right into his abandonment issues (or both - hello purgatory arc!), cas would be tentative about coming back. it’s also very apparent that castiel feels like the winchesters only value him for his abilities and powers (and after all, he’s been created to be a soldier), so if he feels like he’s not being helpful enough, he also tends not to feel wanted (again: dean wants him to stay, but cas wants to be asked to stay). plus, we know every time they’ve had a falling out it takes dean a bit to get over his anger (“dean, i thought i was doing the right thing”; “yeah, you always do”) so i don’t think cas takes his forgiveness for granted, especially if he has lied to him in the process (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode). “a lot of regrets”, indeed.
pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down; and maybe i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway.
here, again, the car can easily work as a metaphor for someone’s emotional state. pulling over to take a breather, to try to assess things from a distance; and with lookout points so often being perched on steep hills, it’s easy to imagine the sense of vertigo, your own fear and self-doubt almost pushing you towards dangerous, self-destructive ideas. and we know cas doesn’t do things by halves - when he’s committed to something he believes is right, he goes all out. and yes, that has led to more than one falling out.
but despite that - despite his worst fears telling him he should not come back to dean unless he’s “coming back with a win”, or able to protect him from harm (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode AGAIN), he does always come back to him. it’s the one thing that dean can always depend on, castiel finding his way back to him like dean is his true north. i’m here in your doorway; the please take me back once more is implied.
i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying
(and dean does take him back, because however many times castiel feels that he has failed in his mission, he always comes back and tries again, tries harder, tries to make it right or do it better. and that’s something dean relates to - fucking up in the worst ways and getting beaten down but always getting back up, always starting over, always trying again. in fact, he’s kind of the one who taught cas that. and with that-- we move over to the dean portion of this.)
they told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential
ah, it wouldn’t be a dean pov without some good old fashioned self deprecation. “all of my cages were mental” isn’t 100% accurate in dean’s case because he has been dealt a pretty shit hand by life, but he also excels at self-sabotage. “I got wasted” is of course an allusion to his alcoholism, but then we have the clever play on words with “wasted potential”, which... hits close to home. all dean’s ever done is tried to live up to what he thought he should be, always feeling like he was falling short. never quite the favourite son, never the man his father thought he should be, not strong enough to resist hell, not the righteous sword of michael the angels expected, not good enough for the people he loves not to leave him, just not enough.
and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad i have a lot of regrets about that
...as i said above: though dean does always forgive the people he loves, it still takes him quite a bit to get over his anger at them. and when he’s angry, he lashes out, often saying things that come off cruel, things he absolutely does not mean. and this part reminds me, yet again, of dean’s painful confession in 15x09, about how he gets so angry and doesn’t know why (of course, the answer is trauma and childhood abuse; but he has no way to process that); and he tries to stop it but he can’t, and he always, always regrets it in the end.
i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here
oh, dean. dean winchester with his ged and his give ‘em hell attitude. he breaks my heart. i touched on this in my previous post, but there’s something to be said for the fact that dean had to grow up so fast, he really didn’t grow at all in some ways ( “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere”). from a young age he was shoved in a parental role, having to be both a father and mother to sam, which meant never getting to exist just for himself. which of course, in turn, means he never got to develop a healthy degree of emotional maturity. in “bad boys”, we find out that the only time dean even got close to being a normal teenager, receiving positive reinforcement by sonny and bonding with his peers, john ripped him right out of that safe haven; and by the time “after school special” is set in, he’s given up on ever getting a shot at a healthy environment, using denial as a coping mechanism by trying to pass off his and sam’s shitty, depressing lives as super edgy and cool.
pourin' out my heart to a stranger but i didn't pour the whiskey i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying at least i'm trying
i don’t really need to explain this bit i guess, but it’s about the implications of how it can somehow be easier to open up to a complete stranger rather than someone you care about; and how for dean, who is used to frequenting seedy bars and dives, one-night stands are as much about comfort than they are about pleasure. that’s the only way he knows how to let himself be touched, seen, held -- because of course, “no chick flick moments”, and besides, we know that when he falls in love he falls hard, so it’s safer to just roll in and out of town.
the interesting part in this context though, is that “but i didn’t pour the whiskey”, especially since we know dean, like every other winchester, tends to drown out his problems with alcohol; so him choosing to not do that, and instead just look for comfort from a stranger (whether it’s through sex or just chatting away at a bar) is, in itself, a sign of trying to do better. because if there’s one thing dean knows how to do, is trying, and trying, and trying again. in fact, as i mentioned above, it’s kinda where cas learned it too. and we know dean is a stand-in for human nature, so of course, this is also a larger discourse of how humans are flawed and imperfect but can always improve, always do better, always try harder or be more. and maybe that’s what makes a righteous man, really.
and it's hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town
this next part... listen. i don’t know how it fits into the narrative of trying, but what i do know is i can’t stop thinking about grieving dean. about how every time he loses cas, a little piece of him dies too, but it’s a piece that gets bigger and bigger every time, carving a hollow inside him. it’s unsightly, it’s unforgiving, it’s raw - it’s like an open wound. and as much as dean has always taken on the role of the person who puts on a brave face, makes a joke, and pushes all his feelings down, well -- it’s hard to that; it’s hard to focus on anything else when he’s missing cas like a phantom limb. “all i want is you” which is to say i’d rather have you, cursed or not; which is to say, i need you. need you badly enough to see your face everywhere after escaping purgatory, just like “a flashback in a film reel”.
and i just wanted you to know that this is me trying (maybe i don't quite know what to say) i just wanted you to know that this is me trying; at least i'm trying.
so, yes. dean is trying. he’s always trying, even though healing and progress are not linear or easy. and he knows he’s got anger issues, he knows he’s bad with his words, but damn it, he always shows up for the people he loves, and he tries to do better, every. damn. time. partly because he’s us, he’s all of us, he’s human perfectibility incarnate; and partly because he loves cas so damn much and maybe if he gets it right this time he’ll get to keep him -- and i don’t know which of the two options makes my heart hurt the most.
---
fanvid rec link here! it’s only for the second half of the song, so the more dean-centric one :)
#spn#dean winchester#castiel#destiel#spn meta#deancas#taylor swift#lyrics#taylor swift x destiel#lwymmd#mp#this is me trying#long post
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