#it’s because my obsession with this film series comes and goes every few weeks whenever something triggers it

[malachitezmeyka]

Uploading the Three Musketeers edit that I mentioned in the tags of my last post bc I spent 40-60 minutes on it and sacrificed all of my tablet storage space and I’m very proud of it

[avengerofyourheart]

Leave This Town Pt 10 (Mechanic!Bucky AU)

Characters: reader, Bucky, Tony Stark, Brock Rumlow. Steve, DumDum Dugan and Peter Parker mentioned.

Summary: After leaving the small town life behind, you’ve worked hard to make your dreams come true. When something unexpected brings you home, you’re brought back to the place where everything changed. Timing is everything and now there just might be a second chance with the man you left behind.

Song Inspiration: Angela by The Lumineers

Warnings: Fluff, mild angst. Mentions of death.

Word Count: 3.9k

Tags are at bottom (TAG LIST IS CLOSED I’M SORRY)

**This fic is for @bionic-buckyb ‘s 5K AU Writing Challenge**

A/N: Aaah!! I’m so excited about this part! :D Please let me know your thoughts, I always love to hear from you. <3

<<<Part Nine   Part Ten   Part Eleven>>> 

Leave This Town Series Masterlist

Full Masterlist

____________________________________________________

Previously:

“I’ll call you before I leave town,” you promised, wishing there was more you could guarantee him.

“Okay,” he replied, ducking his head into the car for one last lingering kiss.

You pulled out of the parking lot and glanced in the rearview mirror to see Bucky still standing there as he raised a hand in goodbye. But it didn’t feel like a farewell this time. Somehow, it felt like only the beginning.

_____________

“I’m still not sold on the ending,” your agent stated as he dropped your manuscript on his desk with a thump. He sat back in his chair while drumming fingers on the desktop next to his computer. “Casting is almost finished, they start filming in two weeks, and I don’t have a finished script.”

“You DO have a finished script, Tony. Just not the conclusion you want. I tried other endings and none of them seemed genuine. This ending is the most organic and it’s where the characters took me. You know how it is, sometimes they have a mind of their own,” you replied with a shrug.

He narrowed his eyes, stroking his well-manicured goatee. “You know you sound like a crazy person when you talk like that, right?”

You laughed. “Not to my fellow writers.”

“Didn’t you get my notes on the last edits?”

You looked away from the screen, lost in thought. “Hmm…the last edit email I got was from Pepper and there was nothing in there about altering the ending,” you said with a smirk.

“That sneaky little…” he trailed off with a shake of his head.

Another chuckle escaped you. “She liked the ending, didn’t she? That’s why she didn’t add your note,” you smiled triumphantly.

Tony shifted in his chair, hesitating. “That remains irrelevant. I am your agent and I say…”

“Please trust me on this, Tony,” you said quickly, interrupting him. “Using the sort of ending you want would mean a total rewrite and it would suck because I would hate it. This script is important to me and I don’t want to ruin it just because you want a predictable ending all tied up in a bow,” you said with conviction, standing your ground.

He leveled you with a supposedly intimidating gaze before slipping off his tinted glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fine. You win. I’ll send it through to the director and producers, BUT…if they have a problem with it, we’re revisiting the subject,” he threatened through your iPad’s screen.

You beamed with a grateful smile. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“Yeah, whatever, just go be with your family. We’ll talk in a few days,” he replied, waving off your praise.

“Thanks, Tony,” you said, about to end the Skype call when Tony noticed something, leaning closer to the screen.

“Does Rogers know you had a poster of him in your room?” he teased, pointing to something behind you.

You paled slightly. “Goodbye, Tony,” you said forcefully before ending the call and setting your iPad aside.

Dropping your head in your hands, you slowly turned around and dared to look up only to see Steve Rogers in a superhero stance staring back at you. You’d forgotten all about it. Your childhood room was basically the same as it had been when you left two years ago. Now you were faced with Steve, along with several other movie star crushes plastered upon your walls, some of whom you had now met in person. Your first instinct was to be embarrassed, but honestly, they’d probably find it funny.

Glancing around the room, you took in all the small mementos and photos with memories tied to each one. It was a strange feeling to be back, but not a bad one. You never imagined you’d be having a conversation with your editor of two years in the room where back then your current reality was merely a pipe dream. It goes to show how far you had come.

Shaking your head, you climbed off the twin bed and got to your feet, straightening your skirt. You had settled on a black pencil skirt and a cream-colored blouse. Family was beginning to arrive, you gathered, hearing the murmurs of conversation below you. You stepped down the hall and descended the stairs to see faces turning your way. There were exclamations of “welcome home” and “you look great” and “I saw that movie of yours, it was way too violent”. You just smiled kindly and offered hugs. Family is family, no matter what.

Your mom came out of the kitchen and embraced you as well, even though she had seen you less than 20 minutes ago. Not that you minded. You were soaking up all the hugs and enjoying the limited time you had here. Heaven knows L.A. isn’t big on genuine hugs, more like handshakes or if you knew the person well, air kisses on each cheek.

Moving through the entryway, you finally made your way into the living room to see bouquets of flowers surrounding a large photo of your recently departed Uncle Nick. He may not have been a blood relative, but you still considered him family. He always had a bit of a scowl on his face, but deep down you knew he was a softy.

The funny thing was, no one really knew what he did for a living. He would disappear for months on end and then return as if nothing had happened, sometimes a little worse for the wear. He always came home with incredible stories to tell, though. Always telling harrowing tales of great adventures and daring escapes, as a child you hung on his every word. Now as an adult, you realized he may have been exaggerated slightly, but honestly, his stories were partly why you became obsessed with action films and story telling.

The biggest story of his life, though, was still a mystery. According to your mom, Uncle Nick’s body couldn’t even be release because of “security reasons”, so there was no burial this weekend. Instead, tonight was an informal, intimate gathering and tomorrow was the official memorial at the church.

Difficult as it was to unplug and turn off that part of your brain that wanted to fixate on everything you needed to be doing back in L.A., you did your best to be in the moment and stay focused on what was important. In fact, the only reason you had to check in with Tony was because you had been unintentionally ignoring his messages the past few days. You could blame that on the lack of both cell service and wifi, and perhaps also a handsome mechanic who never failed to put a smile on your face whenever he popped into your mind. Which was fairly often, to be honest.

Someone tapped you on the shoulder then, bringing you out of your thoughts, and you turned to see Maria’s kind face. She asked about L.A. and wondered if you had a chance to use the hair kit she had gifted you before you left town. You were actually able to say yes, smiling at the memory of running your fingers through Bucky’s chestnut locks in that motel bathroom. You didn’t mention that part to her, though. She brought you up to speed on the hair salon and her growing kids. One last embrace and she let you go as the next person caught your attention.

The evening was exhausting and emotionally draining, a few tears falling when stories of Nick were shared. As you ascended the stairs and got ready for bed at the end of the night, your thoughts swirled around the word “home”. It’s not always just the place you live, and although family can also help make that distinction, another phrase continued to resurface in your mind: Home is where the heart is. Somehow, without even meaning to, there’s a chance you had left your heart in a small town four hours east of where you stood. What that meant for your future, you really couldn’t say just yet.

_________________

The memorial service was lovely. Nick Fury was a private man, but each person whose life he touched had a story about him. There were tears as well as laughter, keeping his spirit alive with each memory shared. There was a luncheon afterward and nearly everyone in town showed up. You saw one familiar face across the room and headed his way, then slugging the man’s arm as you came to his side.

“Ow! What was that for?” Brock exclaimed, clutching his ‘injury’. “You know this is a memorial service, right? Isn’t violence frowned upon?”

“So is selling cars with the knowledge that it has a cracked radiator, dillweed,” you retaliated with a hard look. You had gone to high school with Brock, so your interactions tended to involve childish insults. He always was a bit of a shady character.

He at least had the decency to look a little guilty. “Y/N, I…”

“Forget it,” you cut him off, softening your tone slightly. “You’re lucky it worked in my favor. BUT. If you do that to anyone else, I’ll hunt you down, Rumlow. You hear me?” you threatened, holding his gaze.

His mouth gaped open to speak, but he then just nodded.

“Okay, then,” you answered, then walking away as quickly as you came.

After the memorial service on Saturday you stayed one last night with your mom, but then had to fly out Sunday to start your work week. So badly you wished you could have made the drive again and run back into Bucky’s arms, but you knew it would be even harder to say goodbye with such short a time together.

You called him from the airport, making him promise to keep his phone on him from now on and to charge it each night. Apparently, he had a bad habit of letting it die and forgetting about it for days on end in the past. There was so much you wanted to say, but you knew that now you could say it all over time. You were in it for the long haul.  

Soaring through the sky at 35,000 feet, you looked down and tried to imagine that you could see the tiny dot of a town just off the highway with part of you wishing you were there. As the clouds parted, you thought back on the small towns you had spent the past few days in and realized that you now had a soft spot for them despite trying so hard to leave them not too long ago. After all, your memories lined the walls of a house filled with family in one of them and now your heart resided in another.

_________________

Four Months Later

“I know that a cliffhanger is just a matter of speech but sometimes it can be literal, I mean that’s how that term came to be, right?” you asked out loud, which was slightly odd, considering you were alone.

You were deep into one of your writing sessions, but got stuck on a plot point so you decided to talk it out. Sometimes just voicing your thoughts to an empty room would shake another idea loose enough to move forward.

“Okay, so an actual cliff…but how does he get there….is it near water? Where did I put the location notes?” you continued to mutter, scanning your plot board for the information you sought. Just then, your phone chirped indicating a text message. Usually, you would silence your phone while writing or even leave it in a different room, but when you were waiting to hear from Bucky, you muted everyone except him.

Picking up, you saw the message and grinned.

Hey doll. Writing ok?

Bucky’s texting abilities had improved quite a bit, considering sometimes that was the only way you got to talk. Phone calls were harder to pin down, especially when you were on a deadline.

Pretty good. How’s the shop?

Slow today. Package 4 me?

You squealed then, hurrying to peck out a reply.

Yes! It came!! Don’t open yet, please! A few more hours of work and I’ll call.

10?

Perfect.

You glanced at the clock to see it was about 4:30pm your time and he was 2 hours ahead, so that gave you some time to write and eventually eat something before you could call him. Now with something to look forward, your conviction was renewed as you stared at your notes and dove back in to writing with a smile on your face.

_____________

“Hey, gorgeous. It’s really good to hear your voice. It’s been what, a week?” Bucky asked, his husky voice coming through the phone. You might have woken him, but you knew he didn’t mind. Neither of you wanted to miss out on a single moment of your time together, limited as it was.

“Hi, handsome. I know, it’s been too long. I’m sorry, this script, though! Ugh!!” you groaned dramatically, falling backwards onto your comfy couch away from your writing room. You tried to separate your work and home life, even though they often occurred under the same roof.

He chuckled under his breath. “It’s okay, babe. I understand. So what’s this about a package?” he asked, intrigued.

Straightening up in your seat, you squealed again in excitement. You’d had this planned for weeks and now he could finally see it for himself. “Okay, so go ahead and open it, but I don’t want you to think it’s a needlessly expensive thing cause it’s not. I mean, it’s just as much a gift to me as it is to you,” you vaguely explained as you heard the sounds of packing tape being severed with most likely the pocket knife Bucky kept handy at all times.

“Okay?” he answered, confused, until you heard the rustling of paper stop. “You bought me a…Apple?”

“Yes, it’s an iPad from Apple, just like mine. And before you say that it’s too much and that I shouldn’t have, first of all, I didn’t. It was in a grab bag at a swanky party a while back. And yes, I should have, and you will agree once you see what it can do. Also you got a really good deal on wifi for the next few months, thanks to Clint’s cousin. He set it up.”

He huffed out a sigh, resigned. “Well, I guess I can’t argue then, can I? So what do I do with it?”

“Okay. So, the round button in the middle should be at the bottom. The on button will be at the top, so click that and the screen should light up.”

He did as you instructed and then followed your directions to swipe to the right, unlocking the device. You set it up so he didn’t have to enter a security code. Best to keep it simple. He then pressed a finger on the small icon of an “S” in a blue circle as you requested, followed by selecting the words ‘sign in’. Smiling, you pressed the call button on your own iPad and heard the echo of the tell-tale ringing through your phone.

“What the…is that…?” you heard Bucky’s confused voice until his handsome face came into focus.

“Hi, there, Sexy,” you cooed, grinning at your boyfriend through the camera before hanging up your phone, which was no longer necessary.

“Y/N? Oh wow…you’re right, this is the best gift ever,” he beamed at you with those favorite eye wrinkles of his making an appearance. “Thank you so much, babe.”

“You’re so welcome, hot stuff. I thought you’d like a little more face time,” you smirked, wiggling your eyebrows.

He laughed at that, the iPad shaking in his grasp before his expression became serious. “God, I miss you, doll.”

He shifted on the couch up to sitting and raised the camera to eye level. Bucky looked as attractive as ever, even with the faint couch pattern on his right cheek. He must have fallen asleep watching another movie that you had recommended. Movies gave you more to talk about besides how much you missed each other, plus Bucky loved that you were sharing one of your passions with him. Luckily Darcy was a great resource for movies.

“I miss you, too,” you uttered with a sad smile that then brightened. “However…part of why I wanted to video chat was because I want to ask you something face to face. Ready?”

“Ask away.”

“Well, you remember that project I was working on a few months ago?” He nodded in response and you continued. “Oddly enough, the shoot went smoothly and post-production is coming to an end ahead of schedule. It’s an Indie film, lower budget, but with a few higher profile stars and some of that Stark publicity magic, it’s actually getting some attention.”

“That’s great, Y/N!” he responded, genuinely excited for you. “You haven’t told me much about it, though. Keeping things under wraps still?”

“Actually…” you began, “that’s because I want you to experience it firsthand. With me. The premiere is in six weeks and it would mean the world to me if you came, Buck.”

“Um…wow,” he uttered, eyes wide in shock. “You want me to visit you in L.A.? Is this a whole red carpet thing, cause I…”

“No, no,” you interrupted. “I mean, yes, there will be a red carpet, but I’m not at all obligated to show up that way. We could arrive quietly and leave right after, if you want. I know it sounds like a big ordeal, but this movie is important to me and all I want is to have you next to me. That’s all.”

He paused to consider. “I don’t know. The shop…”

“…is doing great now, you said it yourself. DumDum can handle things for a few days and Peter is a great help, right? This gives you enough time to square things away and let them know about anything that might come up if you’re gone. I can fly you in, but if you’re not comfortable with that, you could make the drive. Please, Bucky?” You knew you were in the territory of almost begging, but this was a big step to take for Bucky. It was important that he knew you had thought of everything and while you would take no for an answer, you definitely didn’t want to.

You saw him stare off into the distance, scrubbing a hand over his whiskered face before responding.

“Okay.”

“What?” you cried out, rising to your feet. “Really? You’ll come?”

“Of course, doll. You’ve made the trip out here a few times now and I should meet you half way, too. I’ll admit, I’m nervous about it, but I want to support you. Yes, I’ll be there. And I’ll make the drive. I could use a little wind in my hair, I suppose,” he said, unleashing that devilishly handsome grin.  

A high-pitched squeal escaped from you again, nearly losing your grip on your iPad as you danced about the living room. Bucky’s laughter rang out through your device. And he was right, you had made two trips out to see him twice since you reconnected. Now you were ecstatic he would be heading your way soon.

“Okay, okay,” you settled back on the couch, having finally contained yourself. “So I have a plan…”

_______________

5 Weeks Later

The gift of being able to Skype face to face became part of your weekly routine as often as possible. You started a tradition of cooking and eating dinner together as you Skyped, even coordinating having the same meal at times. You were trying to cook more healthy meals at home and rely less on takeout.

It just felt good to talk, continuing to get to know each other and feel that comfort of having someone to come home to, even if it was only through a screen. After a while, you needed a bit more than talk. You couldn’t help it, though. Things eventually escalated to more risqué behavior as you shared intimate moments alone, but together, when all you wanted was to be in his arms.

Thankfully, the wait was almost over. Through the past month, you had been planning Bucky’s trip out to come and see you for the premiere you were so excited to show him your home and the most beautiful parts of the city.

Back when you were just starting out, sharing a small apartment with roommates was the ideal scenario. You were barely squeaking by at times to pay rent and expenses as you worked odd jobs. Even after you had sold your first script, it took months before you actually saw any money. Once you had a more steady income and royalties, you were still frugal and saved most of what you made. On rare occasions, you would splurge on a stylist and hair and makeup team just for the night when a big event came up that you were asked to attend.

Your one big purchase was a down payment on a gorgeous condo in Malibu with a breathtaking view of the ocean on one side and the Los Angeles valley on the other. You needed the peace and quiet for writing and you had earned it. Steve had actually helped you move in a few months before you headed home unexpectedly and that was when everything changed. You had heard through mutual friends that he was doing really well, working steadily and even dating someone. Steve deserved that happiness and you wished him nothing but the best. He had been so good to you and even had encouraged you to try again with Bucky. You would be forever grateful to Steve for that.

Puttering around the kitchen as you made dinner, you couldn’t stop yourself from glancing at the clock every few minutes. You had heard from Bucky while on the road and he should be arriving within the hour. Your heart sped up a little, imagining Bucky driving through the streets of the city you now called home as the distance between you all but disappeared. He had made the drive in good time, stopping where you had recommended as you remembered the first time you headed this way.

Turning on some music, you focused on the recipe before you and tried to distract yourself from the ticking clock. A short while later, you heard the rumble of a car’s engine getting louder, but not one you recognized. Turning off the stove, you walked to the window overlooking the street to see a sleek black car parked in your driveway. When you saw who stepped out of the driver’s seat, you lost all composure. Tearing down the steps to the first floor and then throwing open your front door, you rushed across the lawn in your bare feet before launching yourself into his arms.

Bucky caught you easily as you wrapped arms around his neck and legs around his waist, your lips finding his in a furiously passionate kiss, conveying all the pent-up emotions between you. You both muttered sweet nothings to each other without breaking contact, finally releasing your legs to stand when you realized you were giving your neighbors quite the show and they might get more of one if you didn’t take a step back.

“Hi. You made it,” you said with a laugh, beaming.

“I did,” he said with a chuckle. “Made good time, too. Just couldn’t wait any longer to get to you,” he admitted, capturing your lips in another kiss.

Breaking apart, you finally took in the vehicle that had brought him here with a wide smile. “Is that what I think it is?”

He smirked then, turning towards the car but keeping an arm around your waist. “Yup. The Impala.”

________________

Part 11>>>

__________________________________________________________

**cue Impala gif and screaming** That’s exactly what I wrote when I finished this part. haha!! OH my gosh, I’m still so taken with this story. I hope you are, too. I have two more parts planned, I think! I love you guys and every single word you send my way. Thank you for going on this journey with me. You’re the best! :)

Permanent Tag List and LTT Tag list are CLOSED. I’M SORRY. 

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[lamiaward]

Swan Queen Week: parent trap

I do not own OUAT.

There were several reasons Regina did not like it that her son and sister were bonding. She could be a nice list of it actually, titled reasons why my migraines are increasing in frequency. If she had told this with her monthly appointment with Archie, he probably would have jumped at the idea as the man had an obsession with making lists.

Her list reasons why my migraines are increasing in frequency would look like this.

A.    Zelena’s influence on Henry seems greater than vice versa

A2. The pest in her house had managed to convince Henry to participate in several pranks, which were amusing when Snow was the target or Mulan, but insufferable whenever she was the target

B.     Henry thought it absolutely necessary to introduce ‘auntie Z’ to all the movies and TV series, especially the Disney ones

B2. Regina was forced to join the film nights, which meant enduring Zelena’s comments

B3. Her sister now made constant references to that infernal Disney movie about Regina herself, such as saying ‘magic mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all’ if Regina as much as walked past a mirror

B4. Her sister hid a new Disney-related gift in her house every few days and once, Regina had even woken up in a nightshirt with the evil queen( as well as Maleficent) on it that definitely had not been what she was wearing when she went to sleep

C.      Zelena was addicted to horror movies , which she found hilarious, and now liked to imitate things from them.

C1. Regina’s TV had been blown apart when Zelena had gotten it into her head to enchant it so it seemed that the pit girl from the ring was coming from it

C2. Regina and Henry were constantly on edge, as Zelena’s horror creatures could jump out at any moment

D.     Her sister had no regards for privacy

D1. She had asked Regina several questions about Regina’s search history, which Zelena shouldn’t know about and definitely should not joke about to Henry

D2. Bath time was not the right moment for Zelena to walk in and try to rope Regina into a discussion she was having with Henry about which comics could be considered canon and which couldn’t

D3. Zelena didn’t knock when she entered Regina’s room. This could get very awkward

D4. Her sister in only a very short towel, trying to steal Regina’s favourite shampoo, should not be what Regina woke up to

Things might have been better between her and her sister , and still getting better each day, but that didn’t mean Regina accepted all those things from Zelena with a smile. Emma might find it amusing, but Regina would slip and accidentally murder her sister one of these days, and they couldn’t have that. She had gone without murdering someone for years, and she would have to start seeing Archie weekly again if she slipped.

And that was just unacceptable.

She was massaging the side of her head to lessen her headache and hopefully finally being able to focus on the request in front of her again when the door opened, and her best friend walked in. Emma didn’t have a sister wreaking havoc and being more work than a small child living in her house, but she somehow looked about as tired as Regina herself felt.

Still, she smiled when she held up the take-out bag from Granny’s. Regina gave a small smile back, and waved her hand so that Emma’s chair moved back and Emma could sit down on it. Two glasses appeared on her desk, after on it levitated to a corner of the room. Plates followed, as well as napkins.

“ How is it going?” Emma asked, vanishing the glasses with a small grin and handing Regina her root beer. Regina rolled her eyes, but decided to just accept it lest she got involved in another vanishing competition, like the last time. She wasn’t really looking forward to Emma accidentally vanishing her blouse again, and avoiding her for a week.

“ As well as can be expected” Regina groused, drinking her root beer.

Emma put her grilled cheese, and Regina’s salad on the plates.  “ Is it the paperwork, the stupid complaints or your sister?”.

“ All of them, honestly”

Emma hid a grin, rather unsuccessfully. “ You’ve got to admit though, Zelena is kind of funny”.

“ Invite her to move in with you, and see whether you still think that”.

“ She is doing better though, right?”.

“ Emma , you are supervising her … redemption with me. You already know how she is doing”.

Emma shrugged. “ Yeah, but I don’t have that much time because-  “ she cut herself off, and quickly changed the subject. They didn’t really talk about Emma’s marriage.  “So apart from the pranks and the various attempts on Hook’s life- “ .

Regina was the one to hide a grin this time. “ She did not attempt to murder him, she merely transformed him into an orangutan”.

“ And tried to sell him to a zoo”.

“ She has no form of income, as the establishments in this town do not wish to hire her”.

“ Regina”

“ Redemption never goes smoothly. If you remember, I made very grave mistakes”.

Emma’s scowl immediately disappeared, and a vaguely panicked look replaced it. “Don’t beat yourself up- we did dumb shit too”.

Regina knows Emma is probably thinking of that disaster with the dreamcatcher, or maybe just taking Henry away from Regina in general.  “ I did not make it easy to believe me, and you thought you were protecting Henry”.

“ Still. I understand it now – what losing Henry feels like, and the kid was miserable as well. He just pushed it down”

Regina’s heart starts racing, and she can’t control her expression properly. She wants to look indifferent, or at least something appropriate, something friendly but instead she just knows she has that stupid look she gets sometimes around Emma.

(But then, Emma’s eyes are so gentle and there is small, sad smile and it is almost enough to get Regina to believe she isn’t alone in this godawful pining)

Emma pushes at her grilled cheese for a moment, then quickly changes the subject. “ So uh anything else I missed, any tornado’s or time spells or whatever?”.

“ A tornado is hardly something you can miss”

Emma makes a gesture.  “ Small tornado’s “.

“ Small- That still constitutes an enormous force, capable of picking up your beloved metal coffin on wheels and finally destroying it. I doubt you would miss that”

“ I thought Robyn had displaced signs of magic”

“ Yes, but those were more small storms than tornado’s “

“ Should we do something about that? I mean, if she already can do that, it’s only going to get worse and she can’t control it”.

“ I have already protected my house”.

“ what about the town?”.

Regina sighs. “ We can enchant Robyn’s buggy, so that any magic she accidentally starts will be contained and stopped”.

“ Sounds good”

Emma happily tears into her grilled cheese, quickly swallowing and taking another bite. Regina nudges the napkins her way, earning herself an eyeroll like usually. “ So- “ Emma swallows her next bite at Regina’s arched eyebrow “ did anything else happen?”.

Regina shakes her head.  “ No, just the usual. Although – “

“ Although what?” Emma says, between sips of root beer.

“ My sister has arranged a blind date for me”.

Regina gasps and stares at Emma when she is showered with root beer as Emma does a spectacular spit take. “ What “

“Miss Swan” Regina hisses, wiping at her face. Emma’s odd expression vanishes as she realizes what she has done, and she quickly rounds the desk with her hands clutching several napkins. Before Regina can stop her, Emma is trying to wipe the droplets of root beer of Regina amidst apologies as well as snorts.

“ Why would Zelena do that- can we even trust her, what if she like arranges a date with a monkey?”

“Is the poor saviour traumatized from her relationship with another monkey? “ Regina says, showing way too much teeth as she smiles.

“ That’s not funny, Hook isn’t – totally different things, Regina”.

Regina sniffs. “ If you were to date another flying monkey, I would think it an improvement. The worst you can catch from them is flies, while your pirate – “

“ He doesn’t have any STD’s, you know I had him tested”.

“That is a – miss Swan”  Regina even forgets to make a snarky remark about Hook when Emma’s hand suddenly are no longer on her face, but on her chest. She looks down, then at Emma. She almost smirks when she sees Emma has frozen, and swallows for a moment. There is another look, one of the ones that sometimes makes Regina think she isn’t alone in her feelings-

Then Emma shrugs and says “ There was root beer there as well”.

“ How on earth did you manage that? “ Regina says, looking down at herself. Emma is actually right, as her blouse is slightly wet and she can feel little droplets glide down her neck, and into her shirt.

Emma shrugs. “ So – who is Zelena setting you up with? “

“The term blind date suggests I do not know, Emma “

“ Do you want me to find out, so I can make sure it isn’t a creep?” Emma smirks. “ Or that they are at least human”

“As long as they do not like rums, boats and have good personal hygiene, I will be fine”.

“ Am I really supposed to believe forest guy had good hygiene?”.

Regina stiffens, and glares at Emma. “ At least he brushed his teeth”.

“ A true stellar guy” Emma says drily.

“ You have no right to judge, miss Jones” they both freeze. Emma hasn’t asked why Regina still calls her Swan, and Regina hasn’t questioned why Emma looks happy with it. Now they know why, as Regina looks angrily heartbroken and Emma –

Emma just looks lost.

“ Hook changed for me, and we’re happy”

Regina could counter that, there’s so much she could say. She could remind Emma that Hook tried to kill everyone, tried to kill Henry. That he has hurt Emma so many times, that he didn’t believe her, didn’t trust her. That they lied to each other and ignored each other’s wishes. But if Hook is what Emma wants-

“ I know you love him” is all she offers.

Emma nods, and Regina knows what is going to happen. Emma is going to walk away, and go to that goddamn pirate. “ Zelena feels guilty”

“ What?”.

“ The blind date. It is Zelena’s way of apologizing about what happened with Robyn, and Hades”.

Emma snorts. “ What? My boyfriend tried to kill you and everything, but here is a blind date so you can feel better? “.

Regina sighs. “ I argued against it as well, but -  “ she looks down. “ It would be nice to have someone”.

“You have your family. You have Henry and – “ Emma shrugs, then quickly says “ Snow and David and everyone. Me “

“ I know, and I am very grateful for that but it is different” she hesitates.

“ Why? What’s it?”.

Regina wonders whether she should say anything.

“Trust me “ Emma says

Regina swallows, then takes a deep breath. “ I adopted Henry, because I needed something more in my life. And he was everything I could have hoped, and I love him. But I really- “

“ You want another child?” Emma doesn’t sound surprised, not even a little bit.

“ Yes. I am thinking of adopting another child, and I could obviously raise them on my own again but I do not necessarily want to “

Regina’s heart is racing again, but it is for an altogether different reason this time. She has been thinking off this for a while, and has even already had a long talk with Henry about it, but she had been hesitant to tell Emma.

Before she can find out whether Emma’s reaction would be everything she hoped, everything she feared, or something in the middle, the door to her office opens. Regina’s secretary gapes at them. Regina can’t blame her

Emma’s hands are still pressed to Regina’s chest, somewhere during the conversation they both started to lean in and their expressions – well. Safe to say, all parties involved are uncomfortable. Emma quickly stumbles back, tossing the napkin at Regina with a smile. Before Regina can explain anything, Emma is taking her grilled cheese with her with a promised ‘we will talk later’.

If her secretary weren’t so competent, Regina would possibly fire her.

Turn on the TV!! Watch ‘Good morning Storybrooke’.

Regina is understandably confused when she receives the text from Emma, especially since Emma knows she is probably struggling to get Henry out of bed, as Emma is rather familiar with that particular fight.

Why?

Just do it, trust me

Regina sighs, and looks down at her son. He is laying on stomach, hugging his pillow and refusing to do more than groan and grouse at her. If he would actually be able to see Regina’s expression right now, he would quickly roll out of bed and sprint downstairs.

But alas, he doesn’t see her expression turn very ‘evil queen’.

He certainly feels the cause of it though.

“ ¡Qué mierda! “ he screams, nearly falling on the ground in his haste to get away from the small rainstorm above his head. He immediately turns and faces her, an exact copy of her own glare on his face.

“ Go take a shower” she commands, walking away from the room and stopping the rainstorm with a snap of her fingers.

“ I THINK THE RAIN ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THAT “ he screams

She just chuckles, and goes downstairs to the kitchen. As soon as she enters it, she summons a small TV and turns it on with a flick of her wrist. She leans against the counter with a cup of coffee, which she immediately drops as soon as the TV is turned on.

“ Good morning Storybrooke!” her sister says cheerfully, over the sound of what suspiciously sounds like muffled words. Regina mutters a curse, and mentally adds ‘breaks into a TV studio and possibly ties the actually presentation up’ to her list.

There is another sound of muffled words, and she sees Zelena kick something (someone?) with a scowl and a hissed ‘quiet’. She quickly smiles again. “ One of your hosts wasn’t feeling well, so I got to replace him! And his less insufferable and smarter colleague is here as well , to help me. “

She smirks at Goldie locks, who looks understandably weary. In fact, she nearly falls of her chair as she trying to subtly scoot away from Zelena  “ Aren’t you?”

“ S-sure- “ she says, with a pained smile. “ You were v-very clear about that, miss wicked witch”.

Zelena smiles, and cackles. Goldie locks almost jumps of her chair( Regina has told her sister that she shouldn’t cackle but laugh, and this is exactly why)  “ Zelena is fine, sun shine”.

“ It is Goldie locks actually”

Zelena stares at her. “ Goldie – are you bloody Rapunzel?”

“ Eh, no. I am Goldie Locks, from the- “.

“ Whatever” Zelena straightens in her chair and looks into the camera.  “Today , Storybrooke, is your luck day. This morning’s program is completely dedicated to finding my dear, dear sister a date” .

Goldie locks blinks. “ Madam mayor is approving this?”.

“ Approving isn’t the right word” Zelena says.

Goldie locks looks rather pained, but still manages to keep smiling. Regina thinks that is admirable. However, it also means this has gone on long enough, and it is time to stop her sister. She waves her hand, meaning to transport to the studio-

“What” she growls as nothing happens. After ten times and ten fails, she finally gives up and stalks out of the kitchen- or at least that is her plan, except then she suddenly feels a familiar warmth and only barely manages to avoid walking into an invisible barrier.

“That’s it. I am revoking her magic rights, until the end of time” she mutters, and turns back to the TV.  Goldie Locks has apparently resigned herself to being Zelena’s partner-in-crime and seems her usual cheerful self. Regina squeezes her eyes, but she can’t be sure whether the woman’s smiles are faked.

She texts Emma while she follows the program.

You will have to solve this issue on your own. I cannot leave my house.

She nearly drops the phone and throws it at the screen when it fills with a picture of her. It was of her several months back. She is wearing a suit and tie, and the first three buttons of her shirt are open. She is grinning at something, the exact opposite of the emotion she feels right now.

That picture was taken without her consent. She is locked in. Her sister has probably kocked someone out. She is going to make her sister pay.

Another picture, of Regina in- one of her evil queen dresses. Which she definitely didn’t pose for, so how the hell did Zelena get that picture? And is she really stupid enough to think that people would possibly want to date her after a reminder of who she had been?

“ I am glad you didn’t wear that dress to Emma’s wedding” Henry comments, walking inside the kitchen.

“ What?”.

He nods at the picture. “ The dress. That’s the one you wore to grandma’s wedding, right?” he grins at her.  “It would’ve been cool if you would have interrupted the wedding the same way, but I really don’t want to see that dress”.

She tries to walk out of the kitchen, hoping that Henry’s arrival means the spell is broken. She glares as soon as she feels the barrier, and throws a fireball at it. She gives up after trying four more, and leans against the counter.

“I have done some research, and my sources say you’ve got to name good characteristics of the person you are trying to find a blind date for so I started with the obvious. As I am sure you leering hypocrites know, my sister is attractive”.

Zelena sighs theatrically.  “Sadly, my sis isn’t just looking for one-night-stands, although I know she desperately needs it, so if you just want to lay one of her, you probably don’t have much of a chance”

Regina’s foul curse makes Henry stare at her, but she doesn’t pay him attention. She is too busy staring completely horrified at the TV screen as Zelena smirks wickedly and says “ However, I did make a special account for people just wanting to taste my sister’s forbidden fruit”

“ That is not even meant to be sexual” Regina protests.

Henry snorts. “Yeah, right”.

Regina gives him a warning look. He just grins and kisses her cheek with a ‘¡Buenos días!, mom” , and helps himself to a small mountain of pancakes. He munches on them as Zelena has Goldie Locks dictate a number

“You know, I really never wanted to think of this” he says calmly

“Do not worry, mijo, I will kill my sister for talking about a private part of my life on TV” she assures him.

Henry just continues serenely eating his pancakes.  On the TV, Zelena winks. “ So dearies, I will try to change my sister’s mind but it’s probably not going to happen. So other good characteristics-  Rapunzel, do you want to do the honours?”.

“ I am not Rapunzel – “ .

“ Yeah yeah, just name some characteristics my sister has that make her good dating material”.

“Oh, I don’t actually really know madam mayor all that well- “.

Zelena sighs. “ I have to everything, don’t I? All right. She is smart, funny and makes delicious food. She seems to enjoy taking care of people, and is a gifted witch” Zelena says this all like she is pulling her own teeth out, but it is still rather sweet. Regina almost forgives her, when she says the next thing.

“ She is obsessed with Star wars, which she never admits but I have been in her closet. She is also addicted to several TV shows, and has horrible taste” Regina vows to destroy her sister’s happiness, redemption be damned.

Zelena looks at Goldie Locks.  “Are you finally make yourself useful?”.  

Goldie Locks actually dares to glare, although she quickly drops it. “ If you are interested in dating mayor Mills, you just have to call the number that will appear beneath me. You will be contacted by her sister for a blind date”.

The camera zooms in on Zelena. “ So if you’re under fifty, attractive, of reasonable intelligence and not a munchkin or royalty, please call this number. Don’t bother calling if you hate children, healthy food or fireballs”.

Regina suddenly gets an idea. She might still be unable to leave, but her phone works. She quickly punches in the number.

And that is how the entirety of Storybrooke gets treated to a fight between Regina and her sister.

Zelena’s plan still has, somehow, worked.  Regina is now the proud owner of no less than 85 ‘booty call numbers’ ( as her sister referred to them when she threw the book they were written down in at Regina’s head) , a sore voice and a new date outfit, courtesy of Zelena and Henry.

“I had to go with her, to keep it appropriate “ he says, when she asks him why he would subject himself to this

“ I do not trust Zelena, but I do trust her fashion sense” she says, as it is true that her sister usually is dressed well.

Henry gives her a look, and looks down at his phone. He doesn’t even say something, just shows the pictures to Regina.

“ Henry, why am I looking at a prostitute’s clo- why is that nurse outfit- that is not how batgirl looks”.

Zelena walks in, pouting. “ Those outfits would’ve been amazing”

“ No, they would have been ground to arrest me for impropriety” Regina protests.

“ See, horrible taste” Zelena comments

Regina looks at Henry. “ Can I even trust her to choose the right people for these blind dates”

Henry smiles at her, and kisses her cheek. “ I will be supervising”

Regina slowly exhales.  “All right”.

She never sees the twin devious look exchanged between Henry and Regina.

--

Eagle 2, what do you think?

I am at school eagle 1

Don’t be such a hero.

You haven’t send me anything. Kind of hard to have an opinion on NOTHING

Description:  dad of one, loves nature but also likes to stay indoors and watch TV. 40 years old, athletic and trying to get a masters in marine biology.

Mom doesn’t really like camping and such. And the marine biology thing might make her think of Hook. I am surprised you thought about setting her up with him

You told me to only send you the boring ones. My choice was the pretty blonde who included lap dances in her description

Gross!

I am sure your mother would enjoy that more than someone who can make her some weird fish dish

Stop talking about that, that is my MOM you are talking about

Prude. What about this one: forty-two, mother of a grumpy teenager, a horrible cook but very good at cleaning, likes to read, speaks multiple languages.

Oh my god, send a picture

Why?

I think it is the mom of one of my classmates.

Well, in that case she is a total MILF.

Not cool! And where did you even get that word? Urgh, it’s like listening to Nick

One of those brats got into trouble for calling your mom that while Emma was behind him

What? WHO?

Your mom already took care of it. I didn’t know golden girl could be so .. wicked.

It’s her.

Who?

The picture, it is the mother of one of my classmates

Do you think Grumpy McMayorpants will like her?

Your nicknames are weird. And yeah, I think so.

On the small pile of yesses she goes!

Anything else?  Grandma is looking at me disappointedly.

Can’t we let her in on the operation?

No! My moms would know in like a minute, and then operation Happy Ending will fail.

Fine. Should I sort out the rest myself?

Okay, but don’t choose anyone YOU like. My mom and you look for different things in people.

Of course, Zelena still picked someone who Henry wouldn’t have, which ended with the rather scarring moment where Henry is dropped off by Emma and they almost walk into his mom pressed against the wall, with her date pressed against her, kissing the other woman.

The only good thing is Emma’s reaction.

It is almost worth it

Twelve blind dates, three fights, a mistletoe incident and one divorce later and operation Happy Ending still hasn’t succeeded.

Emma is actually staying with them, after her rather bad divorce and the consequent realization of ‘what the fuck have I turned into’. They have family nights and outings and Regina has even started the adoption process, but they still haven’t figured it out. Emma is in therapy, again, and she still seems completely clueless that she has feelings for Henry’s other mom.

This is why Henry and Zelena meet at his castle, in the middle of the night as Zelena claims that it is the proper way to do it. Henry shivers in his wonder woman pyjama’s and glares at her

“ Couldn’t we have gone to the farm house or somewhere else it is warm?”.

“No. So what is the next stage?”.

Henry sighs. “ I don’t even know anymore. We could wait?”.

Zelena swats him. “ Don’t be stupid! “

“ I don’t want to wait until they figure it out, but nothing has worked. And they’re trying to adopt another child, together. Surely that must be enough to make them see they’re not only friends? “

Zelena and Henry share a despairing look. They both know better.

“ I can’t believe my sister is so oblivious. I can understand Emma , but Regina as well?”.

Henry shrugs. “ To be fair, I think mom knows she is in love. She might even know ma is totally in love with every part of her. I think she is just scared, because she keeps losing people “

Zelena makes a disgusted sound.  “What are we going to do about that?”

Henry throws his arms into the air , and falls down dramatically.  “I no longer have any ideas”.

He nearly falls of the castle as Zelena leans over him, startling him. He stares at the flashlight in her hand. “ Where did you get that?”.

“ I have two ideas left. But we will start with the one”.

It is a true sign of desperation that he doesn’t think about stopping her when she says , with a very wicked, and more than a little insane, grin  “ enchanted mistletoe”.

He hangs the mistletoe in his mom’s study. It ends with her kissing Maleficent, rather enthusiastically, and Henry threatening to write Zelena ‘the crappiest story ever’ if she doesn’t stop recounting it to him.  He hangs the mistletoe in the library, because he knows when his moms will be there and what book they will need. Grandpa spends a week placing mom on a new curse every day ( just minor things, like her hair changing colours or her voice becoming squeaky) and Belle can’t look at her without blushing for a week. He hangs the mistletoe in the dinner, and Regina and Jefferson spend an entire day beneath the mistletoe before he accepts Regina’s apology and gives in.

Regina locks herself at home, and refuses to go outside. This lasts several days, and Henry still has to find something to convince his mom that she can leave the house ( or that she can let him stay at home as well, instead of having to go to school) when he receives the text.

You have such a bloody brilliant aunt, little hen.

Please don’t call me that. And why?

I managed to lock love bird 1 & 2 in a closet with enchanted mistletoe.

So they can literally come out of the closet?

I knew you would get it. They seem to be enjoying themselves, so maybe we’ve finally succeeded

Never mind.

What happened ? Henry only gets to reply when class is over, as his grandma had decided to actually follow protocol and make him hand in his phone. They’re now walking to Granny’s for their Friday night family dinner, and she is softly scolding him for still being busy with his phone.

Sis’ hair was all rumpled, and our saviour had lipstick all over her face but THEY DECIDED IT WAS JUST SO THEY WOULDN’T BE TRAPPED THE IDIOCY IS STRONG IN YOUR MOMS

I am so annoyed I am referencing that stupid film

Zelena does indeed look very annoyed as Henry walks into Granny’s and sees her next to Regina, with David and Emma across from her. There is already a chair from him, and he sits down it while Snow kisses her husband and sits down next to him. Zelena keeps sulking throughout the entire evening, which is why the conversation immediately stops when she suddenly smirks.

Regina lowers her drink, and narrows her eyes. “ Zelena what is-  “ as soon as she starts coughing, Emma is by her side. Snow leans forward and David leans in as well. Regina tries to wave them off, but she is coughing too furiously.

“ What- “ it sounds really unpleasant, Henry notices “ have you done?”.

“ A potion of confession “Zelena says, smugly.

Regina’s head shoots up, her eyes widening. “ What does that do?  “ Emma asks, glaring at Zelena like she hasn’t since they were enemies.

“What the name suggests, saviour”.

Regina stands, but before she can use magic, she slams her hands on the table and curses. Snow grabs David’s arm, Charming and Emma both threaten to lock Zelena up for the night and even Henry is worried when there is blood coming from his mom’s mouth.

“ Don’t fight it sis “ Zelena voice is almost gentle.

Regina tries, because of course she would , but eventually it rushes out. “ Emma and I are sleeping with each other”.

Zelena’s almost-gentle expression vanishes. “ WHAT?” she shrieks.  “I have helped little hen parent trap you and you were already-  “.

“ I love you” Regina admits, her eyes closing. Henry is kind of pissed at Zelena, because this might be going too far. With the enchanted mistletoe, people had to at least be attracted to each other for it to work .

Regina looks at Emma. “ I do not even know when I fell in love with you. You were this intruder in my town, stealing my son’s affection and ruining everything I had sacrificed my father for. And then you saved my son and broke the curse and- you started working with me and you didn’t give up on me. And then you cursed me”

Mom’s voice actually breaks. “ I could not stop loving you, not even when you were endangering our son by running off for someone so unworthy of you- you idiot”

He thinks his ma thinks it, but grandma is the one who actually says it. “ Why didn’t you tell her? “  

“ Because I do not deserve Emma” she never looks away from Emma.  “I am the reason for all that pain you went through, and all the fighting. Without me, you would not have been an orphan or the saviour. Every single one of your friends have suffered, because of me”

Emma laughs, and slowly stands up. “ Regina, you idiot, you are my friend” she says, tears slipping even as she smiles at Regina. It’s shy and awkward and Regina looks at that smile with the usual pining expression.  “I uh am not really good with words. I didn’t really know at first, and then I thought we were just friends and I didn’t want to ruin that – but I already told you”

Regina is closing herself off, obviously thinking she is going to be rejected and Henry thinks it is heart-breaking. “ You are not making sense, miss Swan”.

Emma slowly exhales.  “I already showed you I am in love with you as well. I thought I was being pretty clear actually, but – “ she shrugs, self-deprecatingly. “ I guess I shouldn’t have been a coward, and actually said it. But after the divorce- I wasn’t really- you deserved something better than that”.  

Regina takes a step towards her. “ You are an idiot “ she says

“ I think we can safely say we’re both idiots” Emma says.

Regina slowly leans in, and kisses her. It’s short and gentle and Henry can see them smile into it. When they pull apart, Regina leans her head against Emma’s and Emma reacts by tentatively hugging her. They don’t let go after that, just hug with Emma’s face nestled in the crook of Regina’s neck.

Operation Happy Ending?

Totally a success.

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

In My Way - Chapter 20

AO3 link, First Chapter

Genre: Chaptered. Actor!Dan AU, fluff, bit of angst, slow burn, getting together (eventually)

Summary: Fiction. Daniel Howell is 21 and Britain’s newest star. He’s just been cast in the much-anticipated film adaption of Last Man Standing, the popular teen fantasy novel with a huge fanbase hanging off his every tweet. In other words, Dan has made it big.

Phil Lester couldn’t care less. He’s a stressed out PHD student working part time at a bookshop while he struggles to get into post-production. He’s 26 and still lives in a tiny flat on the fifth floor of a building with a lift more broken than it is in use. He loves books, but he thinks big film adaptions screw with the plot too much.

Needless to say, Phil is less than impressed when Last Man Standing is getting filmed in his hometown. And he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with obnoxious, arrogant, so irritatingly perfect leading actor   Daniel Howell.

Warnings: Swearing, Ace!Phil, Bi!Dan, slight a- and bi-phobia, discussions of sexuality

Word Count: 3000-5000 per chapter (ish)

A/N: Aaaaand I’m finally back. I’m just going to go ahead and say updates will forever be slow for this fic :P BUT it’s only 25 chapters, so we’re getting there! Just five to go now (well, four and a sort of epilogue thing). Thanks to everyone sticking with this story/commenting/sending me messages about it, that means an awful lot <3

Also massive thanks once again to @mecaka for betaing this despite drowning in her own schoolwork!! You are the best <33

---

Dan looked good.

Phil had to admit it, begrudgingly. He was curled up on his bed with his laptop open under the covers, buried deep in his own blanket fort, watching the interview Dan had given that morning to promote the premiere of Last Man Standing. As he’d promised, the media attention was definitely growing leading up to the premiere, which was apparently going to be a big sparkly event attended by all the most prominent members of the film industry. There was even Oscar talk.

Ordinarily, Phil would have been grumbling about a big film company profiting from one of his favourite books, but, well. That would be slightly hypocritical, seeing as he’d watched most of it being filmed, and it looked good.

Plus, they had Dan, so. It was bound to be a success.

Dan in the interview looked smooth and comfortable, exactly in his element. Gone were all of the awkward mannerisms that Phil knew he had, aside from the way his fists were clenched over the skinny jeans he was wearing (black, of course). Dan also had his public voice on, sounding smooth and suave and nothing like the stuttering and rambling rants he went on in Phil’s presence.

Phil was slightly proud of that. That Dan was solely his.

Not three minutes into the interview, Phil’s phone buzzed with a series of texts.

Dan: are you watching it

Dan: you’re watching it aren’t you

Dan: tell the truth do I look like an idiot

Dan: hated the seat they put me in it felt like a thousand bees stinging my butt

Dan: as you would say

Dan: Phil this is killing me are you watching

Phil rolled his eyes, but it was hard to deny the affectionate little flip his stomach did. The Dan currently blowing up his phone notifications also didn’t sound much like the Dan in the interview, who was cool and joking and just the right side of confident. Phil struggled to believe he’d ever thought of Dan as arrogant. Now he saw it for what it was – nerves making him talk a lot, and a deep-set fear that he really wasn’t good enough for the life he’d found himself in.

Phil planned to take every opportunity to reassure Dan that he was perfect exactly as he was. Starting with a text back.

Phil: Yes I’m watching it cool your beans

Dan: Well am I doing alright have I fucked up yet

Phil: As if. You’re the epitome of professional. Plus you look cute

There was a beat before the next reply, which had Phil gnawing nervously on his lower lip. Ridiculously.

Dan: You have to say that (but thanks <3)

Dan: Call me after?

Phil grinned at that, texting back immediately of course. Calls would do, they were the best thing they had right now, and Phil had to admit it was a little ridiculous, the amount of time he spent on the phone to Dan. Whenever he wasn’t working at the bookshop or working on his thesis then he was on the phone. He hadn’t called his mum all week, but he’d called Dan at least twice every day.

Did he have a problem? Was this level of co-dependency normal in a healthy relationship? Phil honestly had no clue, what with having no scale or measurement or any previous experience to relate it to, but it didn’t feel bad. Quite the opposite. What felt bad was not talking to Dan, when the gaping hole he’d carved for himself in Phil’s life and then unceremoniously abandoned started to itch and ache and fray at the edges.

Phil turned back to the interview, but it wasn’t long before he found his attention drifting. He got caught up in the crinkles that were just a shadow at the corners of Dan’s eyes, the hint of his dimple appearing on his cheek, the way his hair was ever so slightly wavy from the heat of the lights. These were all things Phil knew well, had studied in their private moments, but – it was different, seeing them up on a screen like this.

Sometimes, because Phil hated himself, he’d search Dan on google images. The pictures that showed up were always heavily choreographed, shot in some fancy studio or other, or screenshots from his films. Phil’s favourites were still the screenshots from Reckless, the film he’d loved for longer than he’d known Dan, and that was weird to think about, to look back on a time where he’d loved one of Dan’s characters but not known Dan himself. It made something funny twist inside Phil, something almost like nostalgia. He longed for Dan in every way he knew.

Which was why, as soon as the interview was over, Phil was pulling up a skype tab and calling Dan.

Predictably, Dan answered straight away, still in his rumpled pyjamas with his hair a mess. “It was awful, wasn’t it, don’t sugar coat it,” he said before the screen had even loaded properly.

“It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen, how dare you ever appear on television,” Phil deadpanned.

“Shut up.” Dan glared at him, flopping over on his bed and dragging the laptop in closer. “Ugh, I’m the worst.”

“You are,” Phil agreed mildly.

“The lines were all wrong, they didn’t ask the questions in the order they told me, and I swear the interviewer wouldn’t stop looking at my left cheek – like just my left, why was she so obsessed? – and—”

“Your dimple is there,” Phil stated, as if it was obvious.

Dan shot him a slightly startled look.

“What?” Phil answered defensively. “It’s a nice dimple.”

“Glad to hear you approve.” Dan was smiling again, which was good, though he still looked a little bit distressed. “It was terrible.”

“You were perfect, as ever,” Phil assured him gently. “It’s as if you’ve been doing this for years.”

“You know I have,” Dan grumbled, but he looked mildly placated. He gave Phil a soft smile, one that just hinted at the creases at the corners of his eyes. “Missed you.”

“Me too.” Phil dragged his laptop further under the blanket fort with him, missing having something to wrap his arms around. He felt kind of hollow. “This whole being apart thing isn’t going too well.”

“For me neither,” Dan agreed. He looked a little shy through the grainy, pixelated screen, and the picture wasn’t clear but Phil thought he was maybe a little pink. “It’s almost the weekend, though.”

“Does that mean you get a breather from all the interviews?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded. His eyes darted up to meet Phil’s, and then away again, and he was squirming against the bedsheets. “I could. Um. I have some free time, so like… I could come up and visit.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “Don’t you have to be in London?”

“Well, I’m supposed to be.” Dan made a face, hastening to add, “But, like, I could get out of it for a weekend. There’s this thing where I’m supposed to be picking out a suit, and a few invites but I ignore them all anyway, and—”

Phil tuned out for a moment. Dan could be back here, actual and tangible and real, a person with a presence and a warmth and a scent, and Phil could have that. Phil could have him back. For however short it might be, Phil could have him back.

“But you aren’t supposed to leave London,” Phil interrupted Dan’s rambling.

Dan looked a little bit nervous. “Uh, yeah, but like I said, I could get out of it—”

“What if I came down to you?” The words were out before Phil could catch them.

Dan blinked, lips twitching as he stared straight through the camera. “Like, you’d visit here?”

“I mean, I could.” Phil hesitated, tracing every flicker of emotion across Dan’s face, worried he’d missed something or accidentally put his foot in it, or something. “I mean, my thesis is due by the end of the week so I’d have to leave Friday evening at the earliest, but—”

“But you’d come down to London?” Dan was staring at him with something like awe through the screen. It was a look Phil was having to become accustomed to, but sometimes it was a little hard to be looked at like he was the most amazing thing in the universe. Dan just thought so much of him, when Phil really didn’t think he was that special at all.

It was Phil’s turn to smile a little shyly at the camera. “Yeah. I’d come down to London.”

Dan’s entire face lit up.

“I mean, if I was welcome,” Phil hastily added, “And assuming everything goes well with my thesis, and you wouldn’t mind, and Tyler wouldn’t mind, then yes. I could stay the weekend.”

“Of fucking course you’d be welcome,” Dan answered, his voice light. “Tyler’s actually been bugging me about meeting you properly for weeks.”

“He’s met me on skype,” Phil said defensively. There was a little knot of worry balling up in his stomach. He’d never really met anyone from Dan’s world – not properly, aside from Louise perhaps. But Tyler was an old friend of Dan’s, someone important to him, and he actually scared Phil a little bit. Tyler was just very… exuberant.

“Yeah, but he says it isn’t the same.” Dan rolled a bit on his bed, curls flopping into his eyes as he peeked up at Phil. “I have to say, after this I’m inclined to agree with him. Not having you here isn’t fun.”

“I know,” Phil agreed. He cuddled up a bit smaller in his blanket fort. “But this weekend?”

“This weekend.” Dan’s face lit up again, all bright smiles and twinkling eyes and the crease of his dimple appearing again. “Five days. You’ll come down Friday evening?”

“Booking a train right now,” Phil agreed, and clicked straight over to the site to do so.

--

Why was finishing a thesis so hard? Phil had made a big mistake. Why had he stayed in education so long? Why hadn’t he gone out and got a proper job like PJ and the rest of their uni acquaintances? Literally no one else had stayed on to do a PhD apart from Matt, and he’d randomly decided to become an accountant four months in because it was too much hard work. Phil had made an error of judgement.

Well, at least, he thought so when he was busily reading through his entire thesis for the seventh time, furiously editing as he went. It had to be perfect. He was sending it off to be bound today, and it had to be quadruple checked for any errors and all his reasoning had to be perfectly outlined. His viva would happen afterwards, after all, and then he’d be sat down in a tiny room with two experts who were going to question him intensely on every single aspect of his thesis. And if he didn’t pass that, then he wouldn’t be graduating.

So his thesis was important.

Dan had already phoned him that morning, but Phil had actually hung up because he was too stressed to listen to Dan tell him about calming breathing techniques and ways to find inner peace when he was drowning in rows and rows of paper.

Phil’s phone buzzed just as he was figuring out the final bits of formatting, and he glanced down without really caring to see, to his surprise, a twitter notification from Dan.

@danisnotonfire: guys pls send @amazingphil some love his final day working on his thesis is here

Something in Phil’s chest tugged.

He hadn’t been expecting something like that. Today of all days, when he was stressed and cranky and he knew he’d been short with Dan on the phone earlier, but rather than getting upset and mad, Dan had instead done this. It was clingy and sweet, and Phil had a feeling that Dan just wanted to get attention from him somehow. But Phil was rather flattered by that thought. Especially when it resulted in this kind of sweetness.

Suddenly, Phil missed Dan even more than usual. He was glad he’d booked those train tickets earlier – just one more day and he’d be back in Dan’s space.

Slowly, he abandoned his laptop and instead scooped up his phone, glancing down to see a stream of replies already flooding in. Dan and he had calmed down a bit on twitter recently, tending towards texting and skyping each other instead of publicly announcing things (plus they weren’t in the same city anymore, which meant spontaneous photos had had to stop). But the same old people were back, replying once more to Dan’s tweet and tagging Phil in every response.

@dansfans123: @amazingphil good luck omg that is so exciting

@phantrash4ever: look at @danisnotonfire being a supportive bf gl @amazingphil

@dangirl98: @danisnotonfire @amazingphil thanks for brightening up my twitter again missed you guys

There was a dusting of something warm fluttering in Phil’s chest from all these messages. People on the internet who he didn’t even know were wishing him well – people who’d been following him for a while, sure, but no one he knew personally. He’d always thought they were just following him for his sneaky creepshot photos of Dan, anyway – he’d never expected to get this kind of support from them.

It was a surprise, but a welcome one.

With a little smile, Phil reached for his phone and sent a quick text to Dan before he went back to battling with his thesis.

Phil: thank you <3

Dan: no problem now go back to work

Phil did so, but it was with a smile on his face.

---

His thesis was over.

Phil was sweating when he finally sent the email with the finalised copy to the people who would bind it for him. He felt like he’d just run a marathon. Well, more like ten marathons back to back whilst being chased by a rabid baboon, but the fact still remained that he’d made it. His thesis was done. The biggest part of his PhD was finished, actually finished, and he thought he’d maybe even be proud of it after a few hours’ sleep and a shedload of coffee.

As it was, he sat grinning at his sent emails for probably too long before he finally set about the rest of his day.

Clearing away the giant piles of books was rather like saying goodbye to old friends. At least he could finally give Lilith back a lot of the books she’d lent him over the past four years, and maybe even actually get back to doing a few shifts at the store rather than spending his entire life buried in his documents. He’d missed the shop. Everything always felt peaceful there (never mind that it also contained some rather fond memories of Dan).

Speaking of Dan, Phil was going to have to start packing. He was heading off to London that evening, after all, a thought which had a tight little knot of nerves and excitement balling up inside his stomach. He was so excited to see Dan again, there was no denying that, but there was also the tiniest hint of fear tied in with everything else.

Well, maybe not tiniest – more like a growling monster threatening to grow bigger with every moment that Phil spent thinking about this weekend. Being with Dan again would be wonderful, yes, but there was everything else that came with it. Being in a big city, one Phil had only visited a few times before, away from his family and friends and everyone who knew him and made him feel safe. Aside from Dan, of course, who for some reason was the only person who Phil would move across the country for, because he made him feel safe.

Temporarily. There was no guarantee this was going to last, but… Phil would be lying if he wasn’t thinking about the future a lot while he set about throwing things into his suitcase.

Dan was a haphazard packer, but Phil was anything but. It was a difference he’d noted when Dan was first preparing to move back to London, once the film set up here had finished. For weeks afterwards, Phil’s flat had played home to a constant stream of Dan’s possessions that had taken up every corner of his flat, watching with despair as Dan threw them casually into his many cases. Dan had simply laughed at him, calling him overly worried, until Phil ended up walking away with a despairing shake of his head, letting Dan create whatever mess he desired within Phil’s life.

When Phil packed, it was ordered. He had everything folded up into neat little piles, and then proceeded to worry that he didn’t have everything he needed, or that he’d overpacked for just a weekend. But it was a weekend with Dan. It had to be perfect.

Phil was just putting in his favourite Stephen King book for the fifth time when his phone rang. The caller ID said Dan with one of the derpiest pictures Phil had taken during their Twitter creepshot war, so Phil was already smiling as soon as he hit ‘answer’.

“Did you hand it in?” Dan asked immediately, as soon as the ringing tone stopped.

Phil let out a loud sigh. “Do you have so little faith in me?”

“I don’t know, with the panic you were in earlier I had no idea,” Dan defended himself.

Phil couldn’t even be mad. He was already smiling just from hearing Dan’s voice, and he caught himself pressing his phone tighter to his ear, as if that would somehow make Dan be closer. “Yes, I handed it in.”

“I knew you could do it.” Dan sounded smug. “And you were sooo stressed about it.”

“I’m the one who’s entire life is dependent on this going well,” Phil grumbled. “I think I can be allowed to stress.”

“Of course, you’re absolutely right, stress is of course allowed.”

“Are you being sarcastic?”

“Would I do that?” Dan chuckled. “Have you packed?”

“Staring at my suitcase right now,” Phil promised, settling on sliding the Stephen King book back into its bookshelf. He wouldn’t need it in London when there was a Dan to keep him occupied.

Dan made an odd sort of squealing noise down the line.

Phil grinned. “Same.”

“I’m going to be waiting on the platform when your train gets in,” Dan promised, and there was so much eagerness in his tone that it made Phil’s chest tug.

Every the practical one, though, Phil answered gruffly, “Isn’t that impossible? You won’t have a ticket, the barriers—”

“Do you think barriers can stop Daniel Howell,” Dan scoffed. “Speaking of which, we should talk about what might happen.”

Phil arched a brow. “That sounds serious.”

“It is, kind of.”

Phil stepped away from the suitcase in favour of settling down on his sofa cushions, feeling the sofa groan as it took his weight. Everything in this flat was old – he’d been here almost four years, it was tired and full of nothing but his student life. Hardly a home, really.

Home was the other person on the phone.

“I’m just aware that there may be… people on the platform who might… recognise us.” Dan sounded sheepish, a little nervous even, but his words were a bit of a relief to Phil. Phil had been imagining all sorts of bad scenarios from the moment Dan said it was serious – like, hey Phil, actually I don’t want you to come to London at all, see you never again!

But that didn’t seem to be the case. Dan would probably laugh at him if Phil admitted to even thinking that in the first place.

“Oh.” Phil sighed, but tried to keep the levels of relief in his voice fairly normal. “Well. Ok then.”

“That’s all you’ve got to say?” Dan was torn between sounding amused and annoyed.

“Well, what do you want me to say?” Phil scratched at his hair. “I mean, I’m kind of used to the idea that being around actual Dan Howell means people are going to stare.”

“But are you ok with that?” Dan sounded concerned, more than Phil had been expecting. “I mean – we haven’t properly talked about it.”

“We can talk about it tonight, if you like.”

“That’s a bit late.” Nerves were evident in Dan’s tone. “I mean, like, we’ll have already been seen out in public, probably. But I really want to meet you at the station.”

Phil deliberated over that for a while, considering what Dan was really getting at. A part of Phil wanted to tease Dan for thinking he was important enough to be spotted even on a quick trip out to a train station, but the other part of Phil knew that Dan was probably right – hardly a day passed when Dan wasn’t getting photographed with some fan on Twitter.

Phil wasn’t jealous. Not really.

He also wanted Dan to meet him at the station.

“We can talk about it tonight,” Phil decided. “And you can meet me at the station. Nothing too bad can happen between the station and your place, right?”

“...Right,” Dan agreed after a moment, if a little hesitantly. “You’re sure?”

“Positive,” Phil said, a lot more decisively than he felt.

---

The closer the train got to London, the more Phil’s nerves increased, until he felt rather like there was some kind of giant fluff monster trying to fight its way out of his stomach. Leaning his head against the cool window helped to settle his nausea some, but Phil was still feeling distinctly less than well as the train started to slow on its approach into the station.

Dan would be waiting there. On the platform, if he had indeed managed to wangle his way past the security barriers without a ticket (Phil wouldn’t put it past him, that face of his was annoyingly charming). Either way, very shortly Phil would be back in Dan’s space, and he was – honestly, he was terrified.

It had never felt this difficult in Manchester. There, Phil was at home, he’d never been the one to move into Dan’s world. No, Dan had always been the one visiting Phil, invading his spaces with his breezy charm and hasty personality, eyes dark and usually glittering with some annoying plot or other. Phil had got used to it, having Dan around, and not having him around left this awful ache that just kind of congealed inside Phil’s chest.

But this – travelling to Dan’s space, preparing to see him again – this was also just terrifying. Phil knew, logically, that he was being irrational – this was still just Dan, after all, his Dan – but that didn’t stop him from rolling around in nerves. Dan was Daniel Howell, so far out of his league it was basically a joke. Surely in these few weeks apart, Dan would have realised that he could have so much more than Phil could give.

He told you you’re enough, Phil reminded himself. He just wished that was easier to believe.

The train pulled to a halt. Phil got shakily to his feet (his knees were actually trembling, what was this), scooped up his rucksack, and joined the throng of people battling their way off the train and onto the platform. He felt awkwardly tall, as ever, and wished for Dan to be there to at least match his ridiculous height.

It took what felt like ages to get off the train, with all the commuters going to London, and the platform was crowded when Phil finally stepped down onto the concrete. The noise of the crowds sounded like a faded buzz to Phil, though, who was already scanning the crowd for another awkwardly tall, fringe-bearing human who would probably be lurking in a dark corner somewhere.

Sure enough, one glance around the station revealed a black-clad figure sequestered away under the stairs, near the lift. Phil was breaking into a smile before he realised. Dan looked just the same as ever – his Dan, not the Dan that appeared in TV interviews. No, this Dan had his head down and his fringe falling into his eyes, his shoulders bent in posture almost as bad as Phil’s own, hiding away from the crowds other than quick darting looks he sent towards the train.

One on such quick darting look, he caught sight of Phil. Phil’s smile widened instantly, and he lifted one hand in an awkward half-wave. It was different, seeing Dan here, in public when they were deliberately meeting. It made Phil almost… shy.

Dan, it seemed, had no such qualms. The minute he caught sight of Phil, he was striding across the platform with purpose in his steps, but a smile just gracing the corner of his lips. Phil reached for him automatically as soon as he was close enough, but their conversation earlier was enough to make him hesitate – what if there was someone watching? So in the end, Phil ended up just kind of tugging on the edges of Dan’s sleeves in lieu of actually holding his hand.

Dan grinned and tugged on Phil’s sleeve in return. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Phil was a bit breathless. “Wasn’t sure you’d charm your way onto here.”

“Never doubt my charms,” Dan admonished him, giving another tug on Phil’s sleeve. He was smirking, that stupid expression that made him look arrogant, but Phil could read the slight nerves dancing behind his eyes.

Phil could understand that.

“You’re ridiculous,” Phil ended up telling him. “And a pain, and I thought I’d never see you again.” He tugged once more at Dan’s sleeve, and then took one more step forward, right into Dan’s space. They weren’t touching, but Phil could finally breathe him in again, cement the fact that this was somehow real.

Dan was smiling, holding back a grin if the tightness to the edges of his mouth was anything to go by. He ducked his head a bit, nudging in closer, and murmured, “Of course you’d see me again, you spork.”

“I don’t know,” Phil confessed quietly. “Figured you’d have found someone more your level down here in the big city.”

“Better than you northerners,” Dan agreed, but he tightened his grip on Phil’s sleeve anyway. “Come on. I want to take you home.”

Phil could feel the tightness in his chest already receding just at those words. That fluff monster of nerves that had been trying to fight its way out of his stomach all day finally disintegrated, slowly, leaving him relaxed and feeling secure again.

So, with another deep breath, Phil reached out and took Dan’s hand in his own.

He felt Dan startle a bit, saw the way Dan turned his head with a questioning glance to Phil, but Phil just nodded his head firmly. “Home. Take me there.”

A beat of silence followed, but then Dan’s face relaxed into his open, easy, crinkly-eyed smile – Phil’s favourite. “Alright. Home.”

He kept his hand in Phil’s as he led him out of the station.

---

In all the nerves about getting to London and seeing Dan again, Phil had kind of… forgotten that Dan had a flatmate.

Tyler Oakley was larger than life, bouncing around the room like an excited weasel and leaving a whirlwind of order in his wake. The kitchen was so clean it almost sparkled, the sofa cushions were plumped and soft and arranged with aesthetic looking cushions, and the whole place smelled like flowers and lemon.

Phil blinked upon walking in, and then turned straight to Dan. “There is no way this is your doing.”

Dan looked vaguely affronted, which honestly just made the whole thing better.

Tyler shook Phil’s hand enthusiastically upon meeting him, looked him up and down in a way that made Phil shift a bit uncomfortably, and then turned to Dan with an approving nod. “I give you leave to like him.”

“Bit late for that,” Dan answered wryly, giving Phil’s hand in his a squeeze. “But thanks.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Phil added stupidly, and then wanted to burst into embarrassed flames.

Tyler, thankfully, just smirked at him with that odd thin-lipped smile, eyes twinkling. “And if you can put up with Dan for multiple hours when he’s working on set, then I know you’re already a saint, so.”

“I am not that bad,” Dan huffed.

“No?” Tyler turned to Phil. “Did he do that thing to you where he fell asleep in random inconvenient spaces?”

Phil arched a brow. “Yes, actually. In my bookshop.”

Tyler sent Dan a triumphant look. “And get you out walking at random hours so he wouldn’t have to be lonely?”

“I got many 5am calls,” Phil agreed with a heavy sigh.

“I hate you both,” Dan announced. “Officially.”

“Ooh, we’re terrified.” Tyler winked at Phil, and then proceeded to flick the hob on.

Tyler was a good cook, to add to his many talents, and he didn’t mind wittering on about nothing important while Dan and Phil curled up together on the sofa. Phil listened occasionally, feeling a bit bad about ignoring someone he’d only just met, but it was hard to focus on Tyler’s stories about stage make-up when he had Dan crawling rather determinedly into his lap.

“Do you mind,” Phil grumbled, but Dan just hushed him and got settled a bit more comfortably.

“There,” Dan said, with great satisfaction, and laid his head on Phil’s lap.

Phil pretended to grumble for a moment more, but he couldn’t keep it up for long when Dan was wriggling about and warm and here. They were in the same space again, and Dan had wasted absolutely no time crawling back into Phil’s space, attaching them together firmly and simultaneously quieting all of Phil’s fears that this wouldn’t last, that he wouldn’t be enough.

It didn’t take long for Phil’s fingers to find their way into Dan’s hair, which only made Dan melt more against him. When Tyler next turned around, it was to find the two of them cuddled up close, hands held, Dan’s head in Phil’s lap, Phil leaning down over him with the softest little smile on his face.

Tyler smiled at both of them, and went back to cooking dinner.

Having Dan back in his space was the best thing Phil had ever felt. He’d known he’d missed Dan, but it hadn’t quite felt as real or visceral as this before. When he had Dan’s hair under his fingers, Dan’s breath warm against his wrist, the warm weight of Dan’s torso sprawled across his lap, it was hard to remember what the empty space without him there had felt like. The unsettling ache that had burned its hole into Phil’s chest was placated somewhat when he had Dan so close.

Even when they ate, Dan made sure to keep touching Phil whenever was possible – a brush of the shoulder, a quick grip to his finger between courses (because Tyler was ridiculous and had cooked a full four courses, despite Dan insisting it wasn’t necessary, Tyler said he wanted a proper greeting for Dan’s Boyfriend). Phil appreciated it, even if the way Tyler’s gaze lingered on the two of them occasionally made him uncomfortable.

Phil tried to put it to the back of his mind. It was easier to do that than he’d imagined, what with Dan still insisting on lying on him at every possible opportunity.

The meal went well, and Tyler was surprisingly easy to get along with. At first, Phil found his brash, quick nature a bit difficult to get along with, but Dan and Tyler had a sort of easy banter that it was easy to listen to, so Phil fit himself in around that (and tried not to get jealous of how easily Tyler was able to tease Dan. Phil wanted to do that, too).

They cleared up together, but then Dan tugged at Phil’s hand rather determinedly and turned to Tyler, saying rather firmly, “We’re going to my room now.”

Tyler arched a brow at the both of them. “Will I need earplugs?”

Phil sputtered, but Dan spoke over him smoothly enough. “Don’t be a shithead.”

Tyler shook his head, backing up a bit to wave them on through. Phil did everything he could not to meet his eyes. He was sure his cheeks had gone a disgusting red colour, but Dan was still tugging on his hand, so he felt slightly more sheltered than before. Besides, he was quite looking forward to curling up with Dan without worrying about what Tyler was doing.

Heading into Dan’s room was oddly familiar, if only from the background to many skype calls. Phil instantly recognised the black and grey pillows on his bed (so depressing and so typically Dan trying to be cool), the soft fluffy blanket he had thrown carelessly across his bed sheets, the shelf in the corner of the room that housed many anime DVDs as well as a few of Dan’s own films.

Phil grinned a bit when he saw them. “A fan of yourself, are you?”

“Shush, someone has to buy them,” Dan grumbled. He’d already sprawled himself across his bed and was making grabby hands at Phil, accompanied by a pathetic little whining noise.

Phil bit his lip to try and hide his grin. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

“Stop being a dick and get over here,” Dan grumbled. “It’s been ages.”

Phil would have argued, but he was really itching to be back with Dan again too, so he just let out a put-upon sigh and crawled up onto the bed with Dan. Dan immediately attached himself to Phil, which was really quite ridiculous seeing as they were both tall lanky humans who didn’t really fit, but Dan was insistent and Phil wasn’t complaining.

They ended up a tangle of limbs, Dan sprawled mostly on top of Phil with his head nestled on Phil’s chest, just over Phil’s heartbeat. Phil wrapped both his arms around Dan’s back and squeezed, placing his face into Dan’s hair for just a moment.

“Missed you,” he confessed, which made Dan give a little wriggle against him.

“Missed you too,” Dan answered in his softest inside voice. Looking down at him, it was hard for Phil to imagine this as the same human who’d been smooth and suave in an interview on TV just a few days ago.

This Dan and Daniel Howell didn’t always match up in Phil’s head.

But he would learn. And besides, Phil really quite liked this Dan, so he squeezed him tight again and nestled his face into Dan’s hair.

“You’ve done nothing but cling at me since I got here,” Phil remarked casually into Dan’s hair.

Dan made some kind of muffled snorting noise into his shirt. “Are you complaining?”

“Never.”

“Good.”

Phil chuckled softly, jostling Dan a bit, and squeezed him close.

Dan blinked up at him, a question furrowing his brow. “So earlier, at the station, what did you mean?”

Phil tilted his head. “Uh, you might have to be a bit more specific?”

“When you said you thought you’d never see me again.”

Phil bit his lip. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah.” Dan shoved at him. “That. I wanted to ask you all through dinner, but—”

“Tyler,” Phil supplied wryly.

“Tyler.” Dan agreed. “So what did you mean?”

Phil let out a sigh. He debated for a moment just how honest to be, how much he should let Dan in. But Dan had already seen everything of him – and Phil had literally travelled across the country for him. It should be safe enough, shouldn’t it? Phil should feel secure enough to say this.

And the odd thing was, he did. With Dan there, back in his arms, it was much easier to feel secure.

“I don’t know,” Phil finally murmured. “I just – when you were in Manchester, right there every day, it was easy to think about this. About you. But when you were gone—”

“Are you saying you never thought about me when I was gone?” Dan demanded indignantly.

“No, no, of course not – I mean – you were always on my mind, but in a bad way.”

Dan squawked.

“Not bad bad,” Phil hastened to rescue the conversation. “I mean like – it was hard to imagine it had happened at all when you weren’t there.”

Dan tilted his head up enough to send Phil a hard stare.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Phil defended himself. “It was easy to imagine you never looking at me twice again, you’re actual Dan Howell.”

Dan continued to stare at him, though the look had turned into one of consideration. Thoughtfully, he answered, “We really need to work on your insecurities.”

“Thanks,” Phil grumbled gruffly.

“And you’re an idiot,” Dan added casually as if Phil hadn’t spoken. “Do you really think I could look at anyone else when you’re just sitting around in the north waiting for me?”

Phil hid a smile in Dan’s hair. “It just didn’t seem believable when you were on TV instead of sprawled all over my lounge.”

“I do not sprawl.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Not sprawling,” Dan grumbled, even as he shifted to be more comfortably settled on top of Phil.

Phil chuckled, squeezing his arms tight around Dan’s body. “If you say so.”

“Can you be quiet now,” Dan mumbled into Phil’s shirt, wriggling and stretching out and burying his face more firmly into Phil’s shirt. “Only get to have you here for so long, would rather not spend that time together bickering.”

“So you want me to be a faceless lump for you to sprawl on,” Phil deadpanned, chuckling again when Dan whacked at him. He pressed his face back into Dan’s hair and breathed him in, and really, he wasn’t complaining about this either.

Dan was right, after all. They only had this weekend, and Phil would really like to just hide from the rest of the world for a little while and focus only on having Dan back in his space.

Next Chapter Here

[rexhc]

only fools rush in

dash and roman (ft. gwen for one part), hopeless pining

(may 2017, end of junior year)

She holds your hand sometimes when there’s no one around. Neither of you mention it. Chills run down your spine and the hair on your arms sticks up when she touches you, her cold skin tingling against your own like static electricity, but the two of you are friends now - or at least something like friends. Something in the same general category of friends, but somehow completely and totally different. You’re not exactly sure if there’s a word for it.

Or maybe you’re wrong. Maybe it’s normal for friends to hold hands on occasion. Maybe it’s normal for friends to look at each other like this. Yeah, that old familiar feeling in your stomach returns every time she looks in your direction, but you already told her your feelings for her a long time ago. She didn’t feel the same, and you remind yourself of her answer every time you sit next to her on her bed and she lets her knees bump into yours. (You’ve probably seen The Dark Knight twelve times by now, but you still can’t remember most of the plot. She’s too distracting.)

Maybe she’s your best friend, and you think that if that is the case, you’re incredibly fucked up for thinking about how soft her lips look all the time.

It’s almost pathetic, really, that after the past year of what you’d thought had been growth and change, here you are again lying in your bed at two A.M. thinking about Roman Caldwell. A year of emotional hell, between whatever you’d been trying to force with Gracie and whatever you tried to deny with Jack, and you’re right back at the start - obsessing over a girl who doesn’t feel slightly the same.

Gwen gives you advice between bites of an apple. “Just ask her out.” She crunches loudly on purpose and you cringe. “The worst that can happen is she says no.”

“Yeah, and I completely ruin our friendship. Again.”

Gwen shrugs, continuing to eat her fruit.

“I don’t see why you can’t just tell me if she’s interested. You guys are best friends. You do…boy talk.” Gwen glares at you. When you were kids that glare would scare the crap out of you, and you'd be lying if it still wasn't a little frightening. “Probably. I assume.”

“Yes, Roman and I are known for constantly gabbing about boys.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I remain my status as Switzerland. That’s what I signed up for when I became friends with both of you.”

“We’ve been friends longer.”

“Switzerland.”

“Almost ten years now, you know.”

“Again, Switzerland.”

“Well, Switzerland being neutral actually helped the Nazis.”

Gwen blinks, processing your statement. “You need to pay more attention in history. Is Roman the Nazi in this analogy?”

“Nevermind the analogy. It was a bad analogy. The point is you should help me.”

“I’m giving the maximum amount of help I can give. Just ask her out.”

“Whatever, I have to go to weapons. If I can’t get to Homer in time, Daniels will probably impale me on something.” You look down at your still-uneaten sandwich and start to wrap it back up; you’ll probably just give it Nikos later. You get one last word in to Gwen before you go to class. “You’re the worst.”

“So I’ve been told.”

You head to your dorm right after your elemental lessons, just itching to get your stupid tie off and put on some comfortable clothes. You thank your past self for finishing all your homework before Mana, because all you really want to do for the rest of the day is chill out and work on your Animal Crossing town. And not think about a certain person.

You know your afternoon plans are completely ruined once you turn the last corner of the hallway, because Roman Caldwell herself sits against your doorway.

“Hey.” Your voice cracks slightly on the end of the word.

“Hi,” she responds, or at least that’s what you think she says. You’re distracted by the shiver that runs down your spine when you hold her hands to help her up. You can only imagine how gross and sweaty your hands are.

“Uh, Nikos is at my dorm. So I figured I’d just…come here. You don’t have baseball today, right?”

Your head feels a little light (a recurring symptom whenever she’s around), but somehow you manage to answer her question. “No, not today.” There’s a brief moment of awkwardness before you realize you haven’t unlocked the door and the two of you are just standing silently in the hallway. Once it does hit you, you scramble and hold it open for her. When she walks past you, she smells like crisp frost, like the still air in the winter, and slightly of peppermint.

Roman goes straight to your bed and sits on the edge. “Do you have any homework to do? If you do, I can just read or something.”

You shake your head with maybe a bit too much enthusiasm, so you try to play it cool. “Uh, no. No homework. We can hang out.”

“Cool,” she responds as she lays back against your pillows. You catch yourself smiling at the way her bangs shift off her forehead and how the light from the window makes her whole face light up. You sit down in your desk chair, swiveling around to face her. Roman watches you watch her, her grey eyes locking into your own. You’d look away, but looking away from her has always been a real challenge. You hadn’t figured out how when you were thirteen, and you still don’t know how now. The tips of your fingertips buzz against your knees.

Maybe she does like you, that annoying voice in your head teases you. Maybe her feelings have changed - that can happen, right? And it’s been three weeks since she and Justin broke up, and there’s no way that you had anything to do with that, but maybe, just maybe…

“Is that your camera?”

“What?” It takes a second for you to get out of the spinning circles of your head, and you see her pointing to your left. “Oh, yeah. That’s mine.”

“You never said you liked photography.”

You rub the back of your neck. “I don’t know if I’d call it photography. It’s mostly just pictures of like…friends. And clouds and random stuff.” You’re not sure what possesses you to say the next part. “Do you wanna see some of it?”

Roman nods, shifting her legs to sit criss-cross on your bed. You sit next to her and reach under the bed, pulling out a leather book. After you open the cover, she shifts closer to you, her arm against yours. Her skin is cold but electric.

Her eyes run over the pages, taking in each photograph. She laughs at the picture of Nikos, perched on the top of a fence. Her eyes soften at a photo of Gwen you took at your dad’s house. Roman looks at all the photographs, but you just look at her.

“These are really good, Dash. Is that Amelia?” Her finger lands on a photo of an aged golden retriever.

“Yeah, you remembered her name.”

“Of course,” she replies shyly. She looks away from you and you’re almost sure that she saw the obvious longing in your face and is getting ready to run for the hills. Or - well, it’s Nebraska. So, the plains, you guess. You have a crazy idea, and even crazier, you act on it.

“Can I take your picture?”

“My picture? Why?” Roman looks shyer than you’ve ever seen her. She tucks her chin in slightly, holding her knees against her chest. She looks small and beautiful. You can’t help but question the absurdity of her question. Why would you want to take her picture? Has she ever even looked in the mirror?

“Roman, you’re…um.” Shit, you had to catch yourself there. “We could take one together.” She seems to warm up more to that idea, so you shift next to her. Hesitantly, you snake your arm behind her back. By some miracle she leans into you. It’s a known fact that her body is constantly cold, but in this moment you feel like your own body is engulfed in flames. You hold the camera in front of the both of you and hold down the trigger. The camera spits out a white rectangle, which you hand to Roman.

“You can keep it. It’ll develop in like ten minutes.”

She holds the undeveloped photo in her hand and stares at it closely, inspecting the current nothingness. Then, she surprises you with a question. “What are you doing this summer?”

“Nothing. Baseball workshops. Probably get another waiting gig.”

“No more paper route?”

You smile at the remembered detail. “Nah, I think I deserve to sleep past four A.M. this summer.”

“Probably a good thing. Print is a dying industry.”

God, you love her sense of humor.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Anyways, um,” she turns back into shy Roman again. “If you have time, you should…visit.”

“Visit you? Like in New York?”

“Yeah, I…well, my family could get you a ticket. If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Forget I asked.”

The stupid heart in your chest refuses to slow down however much you wish it to. “No! I want to!” Very smooth, Knight. “I mean, that sounds great. And, um, if you’re in Colorado, you know.”

Roman nods, sucking the piercing on her bottom lip between her teeth. “We can figure out dates- um, when you can come, I mean come to New York.” Her face gets pinker with each passing word and it’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. Above dogs, even (Sorry, Amelia.) “We can figure all that out later.”

You keep going through the photo album, and after a series of goofy backstories crucial to the understanding of a few photos, you notice the film to her side has popped up some new colors.

“Hey, Rome, the photo developed.” She picks the photo up and holds it between the two of you. You can’t help but think how well you fit together, even in the photo. And as annoying that insistent glimmer of hope is inside of you, you don’t try that hard to stop listening to it.

“Dash?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad we’re friends again.”

“Me, too.”

Neither of you acknowledge your overlapping hands closing the distance between you.

[makgriggs]

Bachelor in Paradise Season 4, Week 1

I’ve been a ghost to tumblr the last few years, but what has brought me back is because I wanted to write a blog to get out some feelings I have towards the recent Bachelor in Paradise episode that aired 8/15/2017. Anyone who knows me knows that the entire bachelor series (The Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad, Bachelor in Paradise) anything involving the bachelor is totally my guilty pleasure and I love talking about the show. Even if no one cares, at least on tumblr I can speak my mind about the show and not get the same judgement as if I was talking to someone face-to-face who has no interest in the show.

Wow...I can’t believe my last blog post was in 2013..four years ago.

With that being said onto my blog about this episode...

↓ SPOILERS ...duh �� ↓

Let me start off by listing the cast below by seasons they were previously on...

Bachelor Season 21 (Nick Viall)

Raven Gates, Corinne Olympios, Alexis Waters, Lacy Mark, Kristina Schulman, Danielle Maltby, Taylor Nolan, Jasmine Goode.

Bachelor Season 20 (Ben Higgins)

Amanda Stanton

Bachelorette Season 13 (Rachel Lindsay)

DeMario Jackson, Dean Unglert, Matt Munson, Diggy Moreland, Jack Stone

Bachelorette Season 12 (JoJo Fletcher)

Derek Peth, Nick Benvenutti, Robby Hayes, Alex Woytkiw, Vinny Vintiera

Bachelorette Season 11 (Kaitlyn Bristowe)

Ben Zorn 

...so far I have to say not much variety in the girls...all being from the same season except for one. Hopefully there will be more diversity as more people come into the show. If you don’t know how the show works here’s a quick description; there’s essentially a starter group of people who first come into paradise, every week the girls and guys alternate between giving roses out and every week new people enter paradise. So say the girls have the roses new guys will come in and vice versa. The show is about relationships, if you don’t find one you’re eliminated because you won’t be receiving a rose from anyone...so whenever new people come in either they find a relationship and stay or they don’t find one and go...usually when a new person comes in they tend to disrupt current relationships and if a new person stays usually a current person will end up leaving.

I promise I’m getting to the actual episode.

So if anyone is a bachelor series fan, bachelor in paradise (BIP) season 4 was in production of filming when suddenly filming and production shut down due to allegations that Corinne was too drunk to consent to sexual activities with DeMario. The entire cast was sent home and there was uncertainty if season 4 would continue. After a twelve day halt and after an investigation the cast was brought back to Mexico to resume filming minus the two who were involved in the incidents that occurred. From watching the first episode to hearing what the cast had to say it seems like this entire situation was blown out of proportions (but I wasn’t there so I have no room to say what was or wasn’t appropriate actions to take)... before production came to a halt you see producers grab both Corinne and DeMario which both of them were having conversations with other people and seemed to be going about their days as any other day. In my personal opinion if I had felt sexually “victimized” by someone I wouldn’t be going about my day in a normal fashion...but again it’s not my place to say what and was not appropriate action to take because I was not apart of the situation. 100% if for any reason someone feels victimized in anyway to sexual misconduct absolutely report it and take action. The season 4 “scandal” of BIP might finally be the truth to Chris Harrison’s saying, “the most dramatic season in bachelor history” ...but that actually isn’t what made me wanna blog, there were more than enough blogs, magazines and news stations talking about the scandal. What bothers me is what happened the days after the cast returned to paradise.

So before paradise production shut down it seemed to be who was getting whose rose... 

Dean was getting Kristina’s rose.

Derek was getting Taylor’s rose.

Alex was getting Amanda’s rose.

Ben was getting Raven’s rose.

Matt was getting Jasmine’s rose.

Jack was getting Danielle’s rose.

Corinne was shown telling Vinny that he was gonna get a friendship rose. Alexis was unsure, but was talking to DeMario possibly. Lacy left due to her grandfather passing away so her rose was not included at this time. 

...leaving Robby, Iggy, Diggy and Nick possibly without roses.

Alright so returning to resuming production in paradise...

Dean was pushing Kristina to go on other dates and not just commit to him even though he did go traveling with her to Kentucky during the production shut down. Raven hadn’t talked to either Ben or Robby since production shut down. Danielle was now saying that Jack was perfect on paper but just not for her. Matt was now concerned about getting too involved with Jasmine right from the start and possibly not being able to get to know other people (considering Jasmine was telling him how to decline other women, valid concern for him). Amanda now flipped a switch and was annoyed by Alex contrary to even being friends with him. Lacy now back you would think she wanted to give her rose to Iggy still, but things changed and she said he wasn’t as interested in her but now more interested in hanging with his bros. With Corinne not returning that left Vinny without even a friendship rose and with DeMario gone that left Alexis back at square one, but for Diggy and Nick it’s another chance to possibly get a rose considering they were probably not getting roses before production stopped. Taylor and Derek seem to be the only couple still going as strong as they were before the production shut down.

Here’s my opinion on everyone so far...

Dean and Kristina have to be my first mention because I totally support them, I love them together contrary to my friend who’s totally in love with Kristina and thinks this is the worst pairing ever because he (my friend) should be with Kristina... I think Dean isn’t sure about committing so soon to one person (rumors have it that Danielle lombard comes to stir up that relationship though, teaser trailers for the upcoming season looks to be true) and is trying to push Kristina in the direction of let’s be together but also not rule out the possibility to meet new people. After all meeting new people for possible relationships is what BIP is about (unless you’re like Jade and Tanner from season 2 who instantly hit it off, stayed together the entire season, got married and now have a baby). They also just look like the perfect boy next door/girl next door kind of couple which makes them more adorable together. 

So Ben and Raven, some people think it’s weird how much Ben talks about his dog (which Raven didn’t see as a great conversation mostly talking about his dog), but I have no room to talk, I’m completely obsessed with my dog too (lol) so I’d be all for a dude who loves dogs and is obsessed with his dog as much as Ben is. Plus have you seen his adorable rottie, Zeus? So if Raven goes for Robby over Ben I’m gonna be a little sad for Ben.

Just adding for viewing pleasures whether you like the looks of Zeus or Ben ;)

Back to everyone else...

Taylor and Derek are cute, hopefully they’ll stick together and we’ll have at least one outstanding couple that makes it through the season (although I’d much rather that couple be Kristina and Dean).

Jasmine and Matt, I don’t know really how I feel about them. Jasmine isn’t my favorite considering she likes to choke people being funny which I think is creepy. Even though Matt is pretty willing to be outrageous and funny (coming in a penguin suit and dressing in drag for his date with Jasmine) I still think he should explore his options and more women come into paradise.

Here is the “couple”, set of friends or just people that really get to me... Alex and Amanda. I’m a little bias to Alex, in my opinion he’s the best looking guy and two he’s a marine (my husband is also a marine). When Amanda came back to paradise she should have just told Alex straight up that she was not interested in anything more...instead she just keeps talking behind his back, to the cameras and to others, but NOT to him. I can see how it would be annoying that Alex was coming on a little too strong and aggressive, but again just put a stop to it by saying you’re not interested in anything more. Alex is a marine, marines are used to direct confrontation. Stop trying to avoid him and then go talk about him behind his back... When Danielle and Raven gave Alex advice to stop pursuing her and get to know others he then pulled her aside to get on the same page with her that he wasn’t meaning to come on too aggressive and was reassuring their friendship. Others seemed to think that he was taking Raven and Danielle’s advice and doing the opposite but it seemed as if he was hearing them out and then wanted to let Amanda know that he didn’t mean to be coming off the way he was. I don’t think that Alex deserved all the snide remarks made by the cast because he genuinely seemed to be unaware of the way he was coming off and when he was told he tried to clear the air and be sure things were alright with him and Amanda as friends.

To be honest, everyone else so far doesn’t interest me so I’m going to stop with those people and move on. I was a little disappointed that Corinne decided not to return to paradise, although I understand...but I do think she is a fun person to watch on TV and it would have been interesting if we got to see her attempt to find love in paradise. It’s also a little sad that Wells is strictly in paradise just to bartend, don’t deny we all miss Jorge a little too. I am excited to see who else is coming on the show, according to the previews everybody’s favorite Canadian, Daniel will be joining...the twins will be there, they’re always fun tv...and hopefully the couples will get better as more people show up in paradise otherwise so far this season isn’t looking good for the current people in paradise.

Hopefully it won’t be another four years before something sparks my interest enough to blog about it. 

[nyranfoyle-blog]

The Diary of Chloe R——-

Editor’s Note:

The following is a series of diary entries written in the Fall of 2017 by Chloe R——-. The last entry is dated one day before her death, which occurred on the occasion of her thirteenth birthday, November 27, 2017. All names and identifying information have been omitted or altered out of respect for the R——- family’s privacy. This document is for educational purposes only.

***

September the first,

If the definition of insanity were a sincere belief in the supernatural our world will be one monumental mad house. And it’s not like I’m ruling that out, but if we use the standards forwarded by the medical and cultural authorities of our time only a tiny minority would qualify as insane. Today the doctors came over. Usually we go to them, but these were special circumstances. They informed me in clear, unmistakable language that I am a certified member of the aforementioned minority. In my excitement I forgot to ask for a subscription to the newsletter.

More soon,

Chloe

September the fifth,

I did a little experiment. For seventy-two hours I acted as if the diagnosis our doctors gave me was the gospel truth. I exercised my (long neglected) capacity for faith. It occurred to me that if insanity could explain Harriet’s presence I should give it a chance. I had to second-guess my assumption that the answer I preferred was the objective truth. The experiment was and wasn’t useful. I became more sure of my sureness about my state of being. I am not insane.

September the ninth,

Harriet agrees with me about my sanity, of course. I know in the way I always know. No matter how much hell I raise she won’t open her mouth to speak. Maybe it was spite motivated her unchangeable resolution to communicate with me through the Tele Path, I don’t know. It was blue today, and it glowed especially bright. How thoughtful, Harriet. You’ve upended my life entire, but you want me to feel your sympathy. Meanwhile I was fantasizing about stabbing you in the face. Maybe I would have tried, but the last thing I need is more bad luck.

More soon,

Chloe

September the fifteenth,

Alex had his birthday party this afternoon. Somehow Mimi and Papa found out, and they were preposterously reverential to me all day to make me feel better. Mimi was delighted when her treacherous network of spies informed her that Alex cried and punched a hole in his baseball-themed birthday cake on account of my absence. Why would I care? Mimi and Papa’s assumption that because the big things are going wrong the little things are especially important makes no sense. Could it be that they’ve given up on their sickly orphan granddaughter? And now that they’ve forfeited the only fight that matters they are trying to gaslight me by focusing on matters entirely meaningless? Even for me that’s dark. No, the only acceptable explanation is they just don’t understand. I have no room for Alex in my mind right now. I need to keep my eye on the ball.

More soon,

Chloe

September the twenty-sixth,

We’ve been haggling for days on end. I hardly sleep. Somehow I’ve lost more weight. Where did it come from? Did I shed an internal organ? It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Negotiations are hopeless. Harriet and Chloe. Israelis and Palestinians. That is if the Israelis were constantly trying to convince the Palestinians they were star-crossed lovers, not mortal enemies, whilst continuing apace with their occupation of the West Bank (I wrote that for illustration purposes only, I have no idea what’s really happening in the Middle East, none of my affair, none of my concern). Some wise person once said “no one loves the man whom he fears.” As true as that is for men and men, it goes double for girls and monsters.

More soon,

Chloe

September the thirtieth,

Another doctor today. Young. Female. We acted out our little play in the mirror. I have it down to the letter, and she didn’t do so bad for a first performance. I described every wild hair and stinking pore on Harriet’s twisted body while the Lady Doctor pretended to take notes. She was probably doing a crossword puzzle. Smug bitch.

More soon,

Chloe

October the ninth,

Try this on for size: a delusion is a delusion when only one person can see it, while a God is a God when no one ever has. Joseph Smith claimed he walked with Jesus, and to this day the prevailing wisdom outside the confines of his cult is that he was either a quack, or more likely a con man. Faith is willful self-delusion. If it comes anywhere close to reality believers get nervous, not excited. It’s like getting a valentine from a cute boy. If you open it, no matter what it says, it’s just a scrap of paper. This is why so many mothers suicide themselves after having babies. Whatever form it takes, reality is a letdown. The powerful have to protect their faith, so when someone introduces them to reality they break out the straitjacket.

More soon,

Chloe

October the sixteenth,

Lady Doctor. Back again. She wanted to watch me negotiate with Harriet. Okay. She sat crosslegged on the floor and squinted in a patronizing attempt to see the Tele Path. It was blood red. Harriet can be as mad as she wants. She can hiss, spit, snarl. Her mood isn’t going to make any difference. Neither will Lady Doctor, but she pretends to be very interested.

More soon,

Chloe

October the twenty-first,

Strange day. Lady Doctor. She must have asked me a hundred questions as I listened to her muffled voice from the Tele Path. I had to remind myself not to respond in a shout. At first it was the standard headshrinker routine. Is Superman real? That one never leaves the rotation. I guess they think it’s funny. In any case, Lady Doctor started asking about Mom and Dad. They were personalized questions, but I had heard them all before. They’ve long since cracked the case. My parents die and I respond by developing a dangerous imaginary friend. When I tell them Harriet entered the fold long before the fire they develop spontaneous hearing damage. At a certain point Lady Doctor’s questions shifted. It was subtle. I’m sorry about your family. Do you ever dream about them? Yes. Good dreams or nightmares? Good. Do you get nightmares? Pretty soon that was all we were talking about. I described every dream and every nightmare I could remember. Lady Doctor was very fixated on the Gray Woman. A recurring player in my subconscious. Sometimes she’s a witch. Sometimes she’s my mother. Sometimes she’s a trash can, I don’t know. Oddly enough, I couldn’t think of a single dream without her. None of this was particularly interesting to me, but it was to Lady Doctor, and more importantly, it was to Harriet. She feigned impatience, but this was something else. She was lashing out. Stalking back and forth like she had to pee. Gnashing her teeth furiously and cutting herself where the top fangs hit her bottom jaw. At one point it almost looked as if she was going to speak. I have no idea why she had this reaction. All I know for sure is tomorrow I’ll wake up bleeding.

More soon,

Chloe

November the tenth,

It wasn’t difficult to find a book on lucid dreaming. There were so many. The real challenge was choosing between them all. In the end I went with one that reads like a textbook. “Lucid Dreams” by Dr. Anthony Ford, phd. Mimi hovered over me like a vulture at the booksore. Thank God she doesn’t know about Amazon. I would’ve had to wait days. As it happened I was able to read the entire book before going to bed that night. I’ve had weeks of practice since then. I’m not a pro yet, but I’m getting there. Soon I’ll be able to find the Gray Woman. She’s been conspicuously scarce recently. Isn’t that something?

More soon,

Chloe

November the eighteenth,

I got the bitch. Without a word of warning I wrapped my hands around her wrinkled throat. She tried laughing, then pleading, then cursing, then crying. Guess if it worked, go ahead. There were eyes shining all around us in the dark. It felt like forever. I was squeezing as hard as I could, but I’m only small, after all. First the Gray Woman went purple, then she went limp. I let go a few minutes later, after I heard a loud pop. Her face was familiar, but I had never seen her in the material world. She was too real to be an invention. Just like Harriet. How could my mind conjure up something so complex? I studied her face and hands for a long time. One by one the prying eyes were disappearing. Show’s over, guys. I went back the next night and most of the Gray Woman was right where I left her. Something had done a very thorough job relieving her of her innards. She smelled horrendous, so I lit a match and burned her to a crisp. It was a beautiful fire. I’m almost sure there was green in it. Harriet hasn’t opened the Tele Path since. I guess she thinks the silent treatment is some sort of punishment. Whenever I catch a glimpse of her in a window or a drinking glass she has her back to me.

More soon,

Chloe

November the twenty-sixth,

Tomorrow is going to make me puke. I don’t know what Mimi and Papa have planned. The doctors and the lawyers decided months ago. As long as there were no more incidents I could stay home until after my birthday. In hindsight I wish I’d just ask them to take me in September. Why expend so much energy covering up the scratches? For a party? It’s something about girls. They love big occasions. Every Disney film is about some grand ball. Girls put on shows, they obsess over holidays. Almost like they’re trying to make up for something. Whatever it is, I never had it. I don’t like attention. Or parties. It’s not that I dislike people. I think I dislike noise. I’m going to ask Mimi and Papa to cancel their plans for tomorrow. It’s my birthday, I can be dark and brooding if I want to. I think I’ll to to D——- B——- on my own and climb the rock. It’s so quiet there. All you hear is the wind. It’s the best place in the world to pretend I’m alone.

More soon,

Chloe

***

Editor’s note:

The next day, November 26, Chloe R——- went missing. Her body was discovered ten days later at a local nature preserve. There were dozens of lashes and festering wounds on the face and torso. The entire body was bruised and battered. The throat was hanging by a thin strip of tissue. Medical examiners estimate she was clawed and beaten for at least an hour before succumbing to blood loss. Multiple forensics experts were invited to review the case. By universal agreement, Chloe R——-‘s death was deemed a suicide.

This document is the intellectual property of the University of Pennsylvania Psychology Department. It may not be reprinted or otherwise distributed without the written consent of the department chair.

[recentanimenews]

Anime NYC, Day One

It’s Anime NYC weekend! I’m here to cover everything for you – at least, everything I can get to. We’re starting early, though, as I’m typing this before the con begins. That’s because Seven Seas, which is not allowed to leave California due to some agreement with a lich, I believe, has announced a giant pile of titles every day this week, including some absolute stunners.

We start with Dragon, Ie wo Kau (Dragon Goes House Hunting), which sounds absolutely hilarious based on title alone. It’s a Mag Garden title that runs in Comic Blade, and a fairly recent series. As for the premise, well, I’d hate to spoil…

Do you like sports manga? Have you been thinking “I like sports manga, but there’s not enough fanservice? Where are my girls in swimsuits”? In that case, we have Harukana Receive, a beach volleyball manga that takes place in Okinawa. It runs in Houbunsha’s Manga Time Kirara Forward, and has 4 volumes to date.

I greatly enjoyed My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness when it came out earlier this year, and so am delighted to hear Seven Seas has licensed the sequel, My Solo Exchange Diary, which only comes out in Japan next month. Judging by the title, it promises to be as emotionally compelling as the previous book (exchange diaries by definition requiring another person).

I have often begged for licenses from Shogakukan’s Big Comic Superior, one of the more overlooked seinen magazines. And, well, OK, I asked for it. Now we have Wonderland, which manages to turn Alice in Wonderland into a horror thriller sort of deal, as humanity shrinks all of a sudden and has to fight to survive. The author may be best known over here for Fighting Beauty Wulong.

How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom has been one of J-Novel Club’s breakaway hits, so it’s no surprise that Seven Seas will be releasing it in print. Get ready to hear about Machivelli’s The Prince a lot and ask yourself “Isn’t that Saber?”.

This should not be a surprise anymore given the number of classic titles Seven Seas has announced, but it still surprised me. Space Battleship Yamoto will be coming out as one omnibus manga! From 1974, it ran in Akita Shoten’s now defunct Bouken Ou magazine, though I believe Media Factory may have the rights now. The anime version may be better known to Western fans as old as I am as Star Blazers.

Udon still has the rights to Rose of Versailles, though it’s been significantly delayed. But Seven Seas teased us with two sort-of-related titles. The first is Versailles of the Dead, combining 18th century France with zombies. It runs in Shogakukan’s Hibana, and is from the creator of After School Charisma.

And we may not have Rose of Versailles yet, but we are getting a Ryoko Ikeda title, as we have Claudine! This single volume shoujo manga is considered a pioneer in the field of LGBT manga, meaning of course that it’s going to end unhappily for all concerned, like most pioneers of LGBT manga. Claudine ran in Shueisha’s Margaret, and will be complete in one volume.

Who wanted a combination of beloved fairy tales and survival game manga? Certainly not me, but there’s definitely a market for it, and they should be delighted with Fairy Tale Battle Royale, a Kadokawa title that runs in Gene Pixiv.

If you liked The Heiress and the Chauffeur, Seven Seas has a new shoujo series by the same author (and that also ran in LaLa from Hakusensha). The Bride and the Exorcist Knight is about a young woman who attracts demons, and the boy who rescues her… and then says they should get married. The boy’s age worries me (he’s apparently 12), but we’ll see how this is handled.

The biggest surprise so far (I may have to edit this when Friday’s titles come out) is the license of the Shin Tenchi Muyo novels. These novels expand on the past of the original OAV series, with one devoted to Aeka’s family, one to Tenchi’s grandfather, and one to Washuu. (Romanization may vary depending on when you got obsessed with Tenchi Muyo). These came out in the 1990s, and were on no one’s radar, so I was stunned. But I will absolutely pick them up.

Friday brings us the final Seven Seas titles. First we have Elf-san wa Yaserarenai (Plus-Sized Elf), a comedy manga from Comic Gum. Dieting elves seem to be the comedy du jour.

Ojojojo proves that the Dragon Maid author can still get things licensed, but at least it doesn’t seem to feature monster girls. Outcast girl meets outcast boy in this 4-volume series from Takeshobo’s Manga Life.

Lastly, there is Hanayome wa Motodanshi (The Bride was a Boy), an Asuka Shinsha title about the titular bride, who was assigned male at birth but has decided to transition, and her husband who finds out about this but falls for her anyway. It’s apparently autobiographical, and should appeal to fans of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness-style manga.

Now onto Anime NYC proper. After a bit of line wackiness (better signage was desperately needed), I got into the Exhibit Hall, grabbed a copy of Nekomonogatari Back (likely my sole purchase this weekend), and headed to the panel on Anime Fandom 15 years ago, run by Doug Wilder of Animecons.com.

It really is startling to see how far we’ve come in that time. 15 years ago, VHS was dying and DVDs were the new thing, but they were frequently high-priced and sometimes came with a box to hold the remaining volumes… which may not always have come out if sales were really poor. Streaming was being talked about, but that’s all. It was a physical media world.

There were magazines! Animerica, Protoculture Addicts, Newtype USA. Wizard magazine devoted part of its content to anime, which makes me sad as it means I have to remember Wizard magazine. You still had Toonami and Adult Swim, but ADV Films (remember them?) was starting up The Anime Network. We had the Lupin dub! Which changed so much dialogue it could have been a different series.

There were the usual gateways. Sailor Moon, etc. Gundam Wing was HUGE at the time. I noted from the audience that it was the Gundam series that attracted a lot of female viewers. Doug also discussed other robot series like G Gundam and Battler Aura Dunbine, which tried to sell itself as being similar to Gundam Wing, which… it wasn’t.

After this nostalgic trip, I toured the show floor a bit. Spoke to Mangagamer about the delays on the Higurashi re-release (their programmer is very busy with other titles, so Tsumihoroboshi may take a few more months.) Got a hot dog, because the days when I try to power through an entire day on water are long gone. Then camped for Viz, which meant seeing Funimation Favorites, which was fun. They’re excited about the Nichijou re-release.

Viz had a lot of people at its panel, though the only panelist was Charlene Ingram, their marketing director. Most of the announcements were things that had been mentioned at prior events, such as Infini-T Force and the Homestuck print omnibuses. A lot of anime clips, which the audience appreciated. The Terra Formars one was quite violent.

A big announcement was that Viz has partnered with Pluto TV, an app that allows you to watch various titles whenever you want, including Viz titles. They were also very excited about Osomatsu-san, the very popular comedy manga that sort of came out of nowhere this past year.

On the manga front, we talked about to My Hero Academia speedup starting in 2018, as well as the Vigilantes spinoff being licensed. The one new series that they announced was That Blue Sky Feeling (Sorairo Flutter), an LGBT series that runs in Square Enix’s Gangan Joker. It’s about a boy drawn to the school outcast, who may be gay but that’s not stopping our hero getting close to him. It looks quite interesting.

After the Viz panel I went to dinner with two friends at a pub on 46th street nowhere near the con, which I always recommend when you do NYC cons – the convention center is near absolutely nothing. Fish and chips were eaten, rum and coke was drank, and a good time was had by all.

Then back to the con for the One Piece 20th anniversary panel, which had a considerable line, but everyone managed to get in. (By the way, the con had about 20,000 people, which is not bad given it’s a first-year con. The panel was run by the One Piece Podcast, and the hosts were Zach and Kelly. They oddly tried to keep it a spoiler-free con, which was increasingly difficult as the panel went on.

A lot of the events going on in Japan for the anniversary were discussed. One Piece is big business there, with shops, restaurants (one restaurant is run by a guy dressed as Sanji, who flirts with the women but is hirrible to any male customers. That sounds… a bit too accurate for my taste) and the like.

There’s an exhibit at Tokyo Tower. There’s a kabuki show, though the lead actor recently got injured. One Piece is used in tons of ads – Coke, Nippon Ham, and a ludicrous ad in appalling Engrish for a pen, ending with “THIS IS A PEN!” declaimed. (That phrase is the standard opener for Japanese kids learning English.)

The live-action One Piece is in production for North America, and few fans seem excited, even with Oda supervising it. Too many people remember Dragon Ball… and Ghost in the Shell… and Death Note. Still, hope springs eternal. Oh yes, and they also showed the 4Kids opening – a surprising number of people grooved along. I guess it didn’t kill the fandom after all!

They had a history of the One Piece anime and manga over the years after this, which got increasingly vague as we tried not to spoil. Unfortunately, I had to cut out before the panel ended, so that I could come back here and write all of this up for you.

Tomorrow brings us Kodansha, Yen, and other assorted fun things. Who’s gonna be there with me?

By: Sean Gaffney

[johnbattlesca]

Enter the Mind of Master Ken, the Martial Artist Behind Enter the Dojo, Part 2

Caution: You’re about to read comments from a real martial artist (Matt Page) interspersed with comments from a fictional character (Master Ken). To make it easier to distinguish the two, we’ve italicized the words of Master Ken.

Go here to read Part 1.

BLACK BELT: WHEN A PERSON TEACHES AN ART AS DEADLY AS AMERI-DO-TE, IS IT ESSENTIAL TO COUNSEL STUDENTS ON HOW NOT TO WIND UP IN JAIL?

Master Ken: Absolutely. Some of the moves I’ve invented simply cannot be taught for liability reasons. For example, recently I created an inescapable hold where you trap your opponent’s arms and legs, then you sit on their head and release a lethal barrage of flatulence to suffocate them. It’s called the “gas chamber.” I can’t send civilians out in public with that kind of knowledge. It’s just too dangerous.

Years ago I took an invaluable class called Introduction to Business Law at the Central New Mexico Community College, and my instructor, a one-legged veteran named Jim Hooker, gave me the most important piece of legal advice I’ve ever heard: “Dead men don’t sue.” And he was right. Because a year later, he died in a freak accident at a meat-processing plant and ended up being served as ground beef at three Albuquerque public schools. Nobody even noticed until some cheerleader bit into a sloppy Joe and broke her tooth on what turned out to be a piece of his catheter. But the point is he never pressed charges because he was deceased at the time of the accidental ingestion.

BLACK BELT: WHERE DID THE CONCEPT FOR MASTER KEN AND ENTER THE DOJO COME FROM?

Matt Page: In creating Master Ken, I was influenced by something I noticed: Some instructors, no matter how skilled or intelligent, tend to bad-mouth other styles. They see a move from some other martial art and say, “That’s not bad, but in our style, it’s better because we do it like this.”

Each time something weird happened in any dojo, I would take a mental note and say, “Someday I’m gonna do something creative with all this.” Eventually, I found my way to New Mexico and went to College of Santa Fe, now Santa Fe University. Once I received my bachelor’s degree in moving-image arts, I saw that everyone was making their own Web series. At the time, I’d become obsessed with Ricky Gervais’ original version of The Office on the BBC, and I decided I wanted to try that but in a world I understood. So I chose martial arts.

The newest release from combatives authority Kelly McCann and Black Belt is titled Kelly McCann Combatives 2: Stick & Ground Combat. It’s a streaming-video course you can watch on your digital device. Click here to watch the trailer and then sign up.

BLACK BELT: WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH ENTER THE DOJO? IS IT PURE ENTERTAINMENT?

Matt Page: The goal now is really the same as when we created the first episode: I want to entertain people while making a commentary on things that are important to me. It’s not just about the jokes; it’s about pointing out the contradictions in various teachings and the commercialization and the issue of theory vs. practice in the martial arts world. But I want to address it all with humor. I’ve gotten emails from soldiers with PTSD, martial artists who struggle with depression and people from all walks of life who thank me for making them laugh and helping them forget their troubles for the moment. That’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever gotten out of what I do.

BLACK BELT: YOU’VE APPEARED AT THE MARTIAL ARTS SUPERSHOW IN LAS VEGAS TWO YEARS IN A ROW. HOW DID THAT GROUP OF EXPERIENCED, PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS FEEL ABOUT THE MESSAGE YOU PROPAGATE?

Master Ken: The first year, I was like a tsunami of truth that forced many so-called “masters” to re-evaluate their training and, quite frankly, their lives. I think that’s why they wouldn’t allow me to perform at the opening ceremony this year. They lost too much business on people closing their schools so they could take up Ameri-Do-Te. I’ve made a lot of enemies, but then again, so did Napoleon. And he was able to conquer most of South America despite the fact that he was shorter than a Shetland pony.

BLACK BELT: DO YOU HAVE FORMAL TRAINING IN ACTING?

Matt Page: I’ve been taking acting classes and performing in plays since I was a kid. My influences range from old episodes of Saturday Night Live to mockumentaries by Christopher Guest to more serious cinematic works like the films of Robert Zemeckis, David Fincher, etc. But I’ve loved comedic movies and television shows for as long as I can remember.

Wang Bo, formerly of Shaolin Temple, is the featured instructor in an online kung fu course from Black Belt. Titled Tree of Shaolin, it streams video lessons to your preferred digital device. Sign up here and start your journey along the 1,500-year-old Shaolin path!

BLACK BELT: DO PEOPLE EVER RECOGNIZE YOU ON THE STREET? WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF THEY DID?

Matt Page: I rarely get recognized mainly because Master Ken looks and speaks and moves so differently. I’ve been told I look 10 years older when I get into costume and makeup and put on the voice, and that’s flattering. I have great respect for character actors who can disappear into a role. I’ve had conversations with people as Ken, then gone up to my hotel room and changed out of costume, and 15 minutes later, that same person will have the exact same conversation with me all over again.

As far as anonymity goes, at first I was really concerned, especially since I make a show where I [insult] trained fighters. But most people know I’m kidding, and the recognition I’ve gotten from Enter the Dojo has been wonderful.

BLACK BELT: WHAT’S THE MASTER PLAN FOR YOUR DOJO? EXPANSION ACROSS THE USA? EVENTUAL WORLD CONQUEST?

Master Ken: For starters. But why stop there? My ultimate goal is to be the first person to open a dojo on the moon. Imagine how devastating my techniques would be without the restriction of gravity. You could kick an opponent and send him hurtling through space forever. I’d have to hire someone to clean the bathrooms, though.

BLACK BELT: WHAT’S IN STORE FOR ENTER THE DOJO? ANY TV ASPIRATIONS?

Matt Page: After Season One, I got to pitch the show to a few cable networks, but nothing happened. That was back when we had about 1 million channel views. Now we have 11 million and counting, and I get inquiries at least once a week, but nobody seems to know what to do with us. I’ve gotten several offers to take the show off our hands for free. But if someone is serious and wants to step up and fund the show, I’d be all for it as long as we can keep making it the way we want. Luckily, with the way distribution is now, we can continue to get the show out to the masses through YouTube, through Master Ken Live and through our merchandise, and it’s on our own terms.

BLACK BELT: MASTER KEN, BEFORE WE FINISH THIS INTERVIEW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SAY TO OUR READERS?

Master Ken: My message is that martial arts is about staying alive in the street. It’s not a sport, and it’s not a hobby. If that’s what you want, take up pingpong or collect figurines. And when I say “the street,” I don’t mean an actual street. I wish all the rapists and murderers lived on the same street. If they did, I could tell my students, “Hey … don’t go down that street.” But life doesn’t work that way. So whether you’re in bar, in the office of your proctologist or in an actual street, you’re in “the street.”

It has been a pleasure to use this interview to spread the word about the power of Ameri-Do-Te. I look forward to the next issue of White Belt magazine.

For more information about Master Ken, ameri-do-te and Enter the Dojo, visit enterthedojoshow.com.

BONUS TIME! Master Ken on Bullying

“The issue of bullying requires that we teach kids self-defense. Where most programs get it wrong is with ‘anti-bullying.’ There’s a saying in judo: When pushed, pull. You’re supposed to use your opponent’s strengths against him, so why not take the positive aspects of bullying and use them in self-defense?”

Are you ready to start your education in combatives self-defense for both empty-hand attacks and weapons attacks? Check out Kelly McCann’s introductory course! Go here to sign up.

“That’s why I’ve developed a program called Better Bullying. Bullying isn’t inherently bad. It’s just that the wrong kids are getting bullied. So we work on teaching kids how to identify the bad kids and use the three principles of Better Bullying: One, always attack someone smaller than you. Two, outnumber your opponent whenever possible. Three, scatter before authorities arrive.”

Master Ken on Breaking

“I’ve never been attacked by a pile of lumber. Styles that focus on the number of boards broken are an embarrassment to real street fighters. You don’t need to focus on kicking someone’s femur in half. But there is something other than trees that grows out of the ground that we can use for training: fresh fruits and vegetables. It only takes 8 pounds of pressure per square inch to break a collarbone — or a cucumber. If you can use your hand to open a cantaloupe, you can crack a human skull. And if you can squash a grape, you can burst a testicle. The best part about this particular training method is that you end up with the ingredients for a healthy salad.”

Master Ken on Weapons

“I don’t need weapons because my tiger claws are always with me. Even when I’m naked, I’m still fully armed. Learning Ameri-Do-Te is like swallowing weapons-grade plutonium — except in this case, you don’t die from radiation sickness. You become a walking weapon of martial destruction. Especially if you train right after eating some New Mexican food.”

Master Ken on Tournaments

“The few tournaments I’ve attended with my students have been a confirmation that Ameri-Do-Te cannot be contained by regulated competition. There are no rules in a street fight, and that’s the way we train. Which explains why we have been disqualified from every tournament we’ve ever attended for excessive contact or illegal moves. There are more sports-regulation violations in one minute of Ameri-Do-Te training than in an entire pint of Lance Armstrong’s blood.”

Read Part 1 of this interview here.

Photos by Cory Sorensen

from Black Belt» Daily » Black Belt http://www.blackbeltmag.com/daily/martial-arts-entertainment/enter-the-mind-of-master-ken-the-martial-artist-behind-enter-the-dojo-part-2/ Enter the Mind of Master Ken, the Martial Artist Behind Enter the Dojo, Part 2 published first on http://thrandythefabulous.tumblr.com

[thrandythefabulous]

Enter the Mind of Master Ken, the Martial Artist Behind Enter the Dojo, Part 2

Caution: You’re about to read comments from a real martial artist (Matt Page) interspersed with comments from a fictional character (Master Ken). To make it easier to distinguish the two, we’ve italicized the words of Master Ken.

Go here to read Part 1.

BLACK BELT: WHEN A PERSON TEACHES AN ART AS DEADLY AS AMERI-DO-TE, IS IT ESSENTIAL TO COUNSEL STUDENTS ON HOW NOT TO WIND UP IN JAIL?

Master Ken: Absolutely. Some of the moves I’ve invented simply cannot be taught for liability reasons. For example, recently I created an inescapable hold where you trap your opponent’s arms and legs, then you sit on their head and release a lethal barrage of flatulence to suffocate them. It’s called the “gas chamber.” I can’t send civilians out in public with that kind of knowledge. It’s just too dangerous.

Years ago I took an invaluable class called Introduction to Business Law at the Central New Mexico Community College, and my instructor, a one-legged veteran named Jim Hooker, gave me the most important piece of legal advice I’ve ever heard: “Dead men don’t sue.” And he was right. Because a year later, he died in a freak accident at a meat-processing plant and ended up being served as ground beef at three Albuquerque public schools. Nobody even noticed until some cheerleader bit into a sloppy Joe and broke her tooth on what turned out to be a piece of his catheter. But the point is he never pressed charges because he was deceased at the time of the accidental ingestion.

BLACK BELT: WHERE DID THE CONCEPT FOR MASTER KEN AND ENTER THE DOJO COME FROM?

Matt Page: In creating Master Ken, I was influenced by something I noticed: Some instructors, no matter how skilled or intelligent, tend to bad-mouth other styles. They see a move from some other martial art and say, “That’s not bad, but in our style, it’s better because we do it like this.”

Each time something weird happened in any dojo, I would take a mental note and say, “Someday I’m gonna do something creative with all this.” Eventually, I found my way to New Mexico and went to College of Santa Fe, now Santa Fe University. Once I received my bachelor’s degree in moving-image arts, I saw that everyone was making their own Web series. At the time, I’d become obsessed with Ricky Gervais’ original version of The Office on the BBC, and I decided I wanted to try that but in a world I understood. So I chose martial arts.

The newest release from combatives authority Kelly McCann and Black Belt is titled Kelly McCann Combatives 2: Stick & Ground Combat. It’s a streaming-video course you can watch on your digital device. Click here to watch the trailer and then sign up.

BLACK BELT: WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH ENTER THE DOJO? IS IT PURE ENTERTAINMENT?

Matt Page: The goal now is really the same as when we created the first episode: I want to entertain people while making a commentary on things that are important to me. It’s not just about the jokes; it’s about pointing out the contradictions in various teachings and the commercialization and the issue of theory vs. practice in the martial arts world. But I want to address it all with humor. I’ve gotten emails from soldiers with PTSD, martial artists who struggle with depression and people from all walks of life who thank me for making them laugh and helping them forget their troubles for the moment. That’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever gotten out of what I do.

BLACK BELT: YOU’VE APPEARED AT THE MARTIAL ARTS SUPERSHOW IN LAS VEGAS TWO YEARS IN A ROW. HOW DID THAT GROUP OF EXPERIENCED, PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS FEEL ABOUT THE MESSAGE YOU PROPAGATE?

Master Ken: The first year, I was like a tsunami of truth that forced many so-called “masters” to re-evaluate their training and, quite frankly, their lives. I think that’s why they wouldn’t allow me to perform at the opening ceremony this year. They lost too much business on people closing their schools so they could take up Ameri-Do-Te. I’ve made a lot of enemies, but then again, so did Napoleon. And he was able to conquer most of South America despite the fact that he was shorter than a Shetland pony.

BLACK BELT: DO YOU HAVE FORMAL TRAINING IN ACTING?

Matt Page: I’ve been taking acting classes and performing in plays since I was a kid. My influences range from old episodes of Saturday Night Live to mockumentaries by Christopher Guest to more serious cinematic works like the films of Robert Zemeckis, David Fincher, etc. But I’ve loved comedic movies and television shows for as long as I can remember.

Wang Bo, formerly of Shaolin Temple, is the featured instructor in an online kung fu course from Black Belt. Titled Tree of Shaolin, it streams video lessons to your preferred digital device. Sign up here and start your journey along the 1,500-year-old Shaolin path!

BLACK BELT: DO PEOPLE EVER RECOGNIZE YOU ON THE STREET? WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF THEY DID?

Matt Page: I rarely get recognized mainly because Master Ken looks and speaks and moves so differently. I’ve been told I look 10 years older when I get into costume and makeup and put on the voice, and that’s flattering. I have great respect for character actors who can disappear into a role. I’ve had conversations with people as Ken, then gone up to my hotel room and changed out of costume, and 15 minutes later, that same person will have the exact same conversation with me all over again.

As far as anonymity goes, at first I was really concerned, especially since I make a show where I [insult] trained fighters. But most people know I’m kidding, and the recognition I’ve gotten from Enter the Dojo has been wonderful.

BLACK BELT: WHAT’S THE MASTER PLAN FOR YOUR DOJO? EXPANSION ACROSS THE USA? EVENTUAL WORLD CONQUEST?

Master Ken: For starters. But why stop there? My ultimate goal is to be the first person to open a dojo on the moon. Imagine how devastating my techniques would be without the restriction of gravity. You could kick an opponent and send him hurtling through space forever. I’d have to hire someone to clean the bathrooms, though.

BLACK BELT: WHAT’S IN STORE FOR ENTER THE DOJO? ANY TV ASPIRATIONS?

Matt Page: After Season One, I got to pitch the show to a few cable networks, but nothing happened. That was back when we had about 1 million channel views. Now we have 11 million and counting, and I get inquiries at least once a week, but nobody seems to know what to do with us. I’ve gotten several offers to take the show off our hands for free. But if someone is serious and wants to step up and fund the show, I’d be all for it as long as we can keep making it the way we want. Luckily, with the way distribution is now, we can continue to get the show out to the masses through YouTube, through Master Ken Live and through our merchandise, and it’s on our own terms.

BLACK BELT: MASTER KEN, BEFORE WE FINISH THIS INTERVIEW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SAY TO OUR READERS?

Master Ken: My message is that martial arts is about staying alive in the street. It’s not a sport, and it’s not a hobby. If that’s what you want, take up pingpong or collect figurines. And when I say “the street,” I don’t mean an actual street. I wish all the rapists and murderers lived on the same street. If they did, I could tell my students, “Hey … don’t go down that street.” But life doesn’t work that way. So whether you’re in bar, in the office of your proctologist or in an actual street, you’re in “the street.”

It has been a pleasure to use this interview to spread the word about the power of Ameri-Do-Te. I look forward to the next issue of White Belt magazine.

For more information about Master Ken, ameri-do-te and Enter the Dojo, visit enterthedojoshow.com.

BONUS TIME! Master Ken on Bullying

“The issue of bullying requires that we teach kids self-defense. Where most programs get it wrong is with ‘anti-bullying.’ There’s a saying in judo: When pushed, pull. You’re supposed to use your opponent’s strengths against him, so why not take the positive aspects of bullying and use them in self-defense?”

Are you ready to start your education in combatives self-defense for both empty-hand attacks and weapons attacks? Check out Kelly McCann’s introductory course! Go here to sign up.

“That’s why I’ve developed a program called Better Bullying. Bullying isn’t inherently bad. It’s just that the wrong kids are getting bullied. So we work on teaching kids how to identify the bad kids and use the three principles of Better Bullying: One, always attack someone smaller than you. Two, outnumber your opponent whenever possible. Three, scatter before authorities arrive.”

Master Ken on Breaking

“I’ve never been attacked by a pile of lumber. Styles that focus on the number of boards broken are an embarrassment to real street fighters. You don’t need to focus on kicking someone’s femur in half. But there is something other than trees that grows out of the ground that we can use for training: fresh fruits and vegetables. It only takes 8 pounds of pressure per square inch to break a collarbone — or a cucumber. If you can use your hand to open a cantaloupe, you can crack a human skull. And if you can squash a grape, you can burst a testicle. The best part about this particular training method is that you end up with the ingredients for a healthy salad.”

Master Ken on Weapons

“I don’t need weapons because my tiger claws are always with me. Even when I’m naked, I’m still fully armed. Learning Ameri-Do-Te is like swallowing weapons-grade plutonium — except in this case, you don’t die from radiation sickness. You become a walking weapon of martial destruction. Especially if you train right after eating some New Mexican food.”

Master Ken on Tournaments

“The few tournaments I’ve attended with my students have been a confirmation that Ameri-Do-Te cannot be contained by regulated competition. There are no rules in a street fight, and that’s the way we train. Which explains why we have been disqualified from every tournament we’ve ever attended for excessive contact or illegal moves. There are more sports-regulation violations in one minute of Ameri-Do-Te training than in an entire pint of Lance Armstrong’s blood.”

Read Part 1 of this interview here.

Photos by Cory Sorensen

from Black Belt» Daily » Black Belt http://www.blackbeltmag.com/daily/martial-arts-entertainment/enter-the-mind-of-master-ken-the-martial-artist-behind-enter-the-dojo-part-2/

[michaelchinworcester]

Enter the Mind of Master Ken, the Martial Artist Behind Enter the Dojo, Part 2

Caution: You’re about to read comments from a real martial artist (Matt Page) interspersed with comments from a fictional character (Master Ken). To make it easier to distinguish the two, we’ve italicized the words of Master Ken.

Go here to read Part 1.

BLACK BELT: WHEN A PERSON TEACHES AN ART AS DEADLY AS AMERI-DO-TE, IS IT ESSENTIAL TO COUNSEL STUDENTS ON HOW NOT TO WIND UP IN JAIL?

Master Ken: Absolutely. Some of the moves I’ve invented simply cannot be taught for liability reasons. For example, recently I created an inescapable hold where you trap your opponent’s arms and legs, then you sit on their head and release a lethal barrage of flatulence to suffocate them. It’s called the “gas chamber.” I can’t send civilians out in public with that kind of knowledge. It’s just too dangerous.

Years ago I took an invaluable class called Introduction to Business Law at the Central New Mexico Community College, and my instructor, a one-legged veteran named Jim Hooker, gave me the most important piece of legal advice I’ve ever heard: “Dead men don’t sue.” And he was right. Because a year later, he died in a freak accident at a meat-processing plant and ended up being served as ground beef at three Albuquerque public schools. Nobody even noticed until some cheerleader bit into a sloppy Joe and broke her tooth on what turned out to be a piece of his catheter. But the point is he never pressed charges because he was deceased at the time of the accidental ingestion.

BLACK BELT: WHERE DID THE CONCEPT FOR MASTER KEN AND ENTER THE DOJO COME FROM?

Matt Page: In creating Master Ken, I was influenced by something I noticed: Some instructors, no matter how skilled or intelligent, tend to bad-mouth other styles. They see a move from some other martial art and say, “That’s not bad, but in our style, it’s better because we do it like this.”

Each time something weird happened in any dojo, I would take a mental note and say, “Someday I’m gonna do something creative with all this.” Eventually, I found my way to New Mexico and went to College of Santa Fe, now Santa Fe University. Once I received my bachelor’s degree in moving-image arts, I saw that everyone was making their own Web series. At the time, I’d become obsessed with Ricky Gervais’ original version of The Office on the BBC, and I decided I wanted to try that but in a world I understood. So I chose martial arts.

The newest release from combatives authority Kelly McCann and Black Belt is titled Kelly McCann Combatives 2: Stick & Ground Combat. It’s a streaming-video course you can watch on your digital device. Click here to watch the trailer and then sign up.

BLACK BELT: WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH ENTER THE DOJO? IS IT PURE ENTERTAINMENT?

Matt Page: The goal now is really the same as when we created the first episode: I want to entertain people while making a commentary on things that are important to me. It’s not just about the jokes; it’s about pointing out the contradictions in various teachings and the commercialization and the issue of theory vs. practice in the martial arts world. But I want to address it all with humor. I’ve gotten emails from soldiers with PTSD, martial artists who struggle with depression and people from all walks of life who thank me for making them laugh and helping them forget their troubles for the moment. That’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever gotten out of what I do.

BLACK BELT: YOU’VE APPEARED AT THE MARTIAL ARTS SUPERSHOW IN LAS VEGAS TWO YEARS IN A ROW. HOW DID THAT GROUP OF EXPERIENCED, PROFESSIONAL MARTIAL ARTISTS FEEL ABOUT THE MESSAGE YOU PROPAGATE?

Master Ken: The first year, I was like a tsunami of truth that forced many so-called “masters” to re-evaluate their training and, quite frankly, their lives. I think that’s why they wouldn’t allow me to perform at the opening ceremony this year. They lost too much business on people closing their schools so they could take up Ameri-Do-Te. I’ve made a lot of enemies, but then again, so did Napoleon. And he was able to conquer most of South America despite the fact that he was shorter than a Shetland pony.

BLACK BELT: DO YOU HAVE FORMAL TRAINING IN ACTING?

Matt Page: I’ve been taking acting classes and performing in plays since I was a kid. My influences range from old episodes of Saturday Night Live to mockumentaries by Christopher Guest to more serious cinematic works like the films of Robert Zemeckis, David Fincher, etc. But I’ve loved comedic movies and television shows for as long as I can remember.

Wang Bo, formerly of Shaolin Temple, is the featured instructor in an online kung fu course from Black Belt. Titled Tree of Shaolin, it streams video lessons to your preferred digital device. Sign up here and start your journey along the 1,500-year-old Shaolin path!

BLACK BELT: DO PEOPLE EVER RECOGNIZE YOU ON THE STREET? WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF THEY DID?

Matt Page: I rarely get recognized mainly because Master Ken looks and speaks and moves so differently. I’ve been told I look 10 years older when I get into costume and makeup and put on the voice, and that’s flattering. I have great respect for character actors who can disappear into a role. I’ve had conversations with people as Ken, then gone up to my hotel room and changed out of costume, and 15 minutes later, that same person will have the exact same conversation with me all over again.

As far as anonymity goes, at first I was really concerned, especially since I make a show where I [insult] trained fighters. But most people know I’m kidding, and the recognition I’ve gotten from Enter the Dojo has been wonderful.

BLACK BELT: WHAT’S THE MASTER PLAN FOR YOUR DOJO? EXPANSION ACROSS THE USA? EVENTUAL WORLD CONQUEST?

Master Ken: For starters. But why stop there? My ultimate goal is to be the first person to open a dojo on the moon. Imagine how devastating my techniques would be without the restriction of gravity. You could kick an opponent and send him hurtling through space forever. I’d have to hire someone to clean the bathrooms, though.

BLACK BELT: WHAT’S IN STORE FOR ENTER THE DOJO? ANY TV ASPIRATIONS?

Matt Page: After Season One, I got to pitch the show to a few cable networks, but nothing happened. That was back when we had about 1 million channel views. Now we have 11 million and counting, and I get inquiries at least once a week, but nobody seems to know what to do with us. I’ve gotten several offers to take the show off our hands for free. But if someone is serious and wants to step up and fund the show, I’d be all for it as long as we can keep making it the way we want. Luckily, with the way distribution is now, we can continue to get the show out to the masses through YouTube, through Master Ken Live and through our merchandise, and it’s on our own terms.

BLACK BELT: MASTER KEN, BEFORE WE FINISH THIS INTERVIEW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SAY TO OUR READERS?

Master Ken: My message is that martial arts is about staying alive in the street. It’s not a sport, and it’s not a hobby. If that’s what you want, take up pingpong or collect figurines. And when I say “the street,” I don’t mean an actual street. I wish all the rapists and murderers lived on the same street. If they did, I could tell my students, “Hey … don’t go down that street.” But life doesn’t work that way. So whether you’re in bar, in the office of your proctologist or in an actual street, you’re in “the street.”

It has been a pleasure to use this interview to spread the word about the power of Ameri-Do-Te. I look forward to the next issue of White Belt magazine.

For more information about Master Ken, ameri-do-te and Enter the Dojo, visit enterthedojoshow.com.

BONUS TIME! Master Ken on Bullying

“The issue of bullying requires that we teach kids self-defense. Where most programs get it wrong is with ‘anti-bullying.’ There’s a saying in judo: When pushed, pull. You’re supposed to use your opponent’s strengths against him, so why not take the positive aspects of bullying and use them in self-defense?”

Are you ready to start your education in combatives self-defense for both empty-hand attacks and weapons attacks? Check out Kelly McCann’s introductory course! Go here to sign up.

“That’s why I’ve developed a program called Better Bullying. Bullying isn’t inherently bad. It’s just that the wrong kids are getting bullied. So we work on teaching kids how to identify the bad kids and use the three principles of Better Bullying: One, always attack someone smaller than you. Two, outnumber your opponent whenever possible. Three, scatter before authorities arrive.”

Master Ken on Breaking

“I’ve never been attacked by a pile of lumber. Styles that focus on the number of boards broken are an embarrassment to real street fighters. You don’t need to focus on kicking someone’s femur in half. But there is something other than trees that grows out of the ground that we can use for training: fresh fruits and vegetables. It only takes 8 pounds of pressure per square inch to break a collarbone — or a cucumber. If you can use your hand to open a cantaloupe, you can crack a human skull. And if you can squash a grape, you can burst a testicle. The best part about this particular training method is that you end up with the ingredients for a healthy salad.”

Master Ken on Weapons

“I don’t need weapons because my tiger claws are always with me. Even when I’m naked, I’m still fully armed. Learning Ameri-Do-Te is like swallowing weapons-grade plutonium — except in this case, you don’t die from radiation sickness. You become a walking weapon of martial destruction. Especially if you train right after eating some New Mexican food.”

Master Ken on Tournaments

“The few tournaments I’ve attended with my students have been a confirmation that Ameri-Do-Te cannot be contained by regulated competition. There are no rules in a street fight, and that’s the way we train. Which explains why we have been disqualified from every tournament we’ve ever attended for excessive contact or illegal moves. There are more sports-regulation violations in one minute of Ameri-Do-Te training than in an entire pint of Lance Armstrong’s blood.”

Read Part 1 of this interview here.

Photos by Cory Sorensen

from Black Belt» Daily » Black Belt http://ift.tt/2m1csn9 via Michael Chin Worcester Systema