#it’s at 5pm so i have plenty of time to sleep

[zainmalik]

what’s up gang i have a job interview today and i’m nervous so i can’t sleep hahahaha

[allinthemagicshop]

Not How I Wanted to Meet Your Parents

Bangchan X Fem!Reader

wc: ~3000

Angst, fluff at the end

Again, this makes me cringe a little bit looking back at it but also I think I see some potential to grow from this so here's yet another from my vault

No warnings that I can think of, besides pet names maybe? Insecurity, crying also present. Some cursing.

I do not own the rights to Stray Kids or anything related to them, this is a work of pure fiction and just for fun

Channie💕: hey babygirl, I’m so sorry. I have to stay late at the studio again. I’ll just go back to the dorm instead of waking you up so don’t wait up. I’m sorry.

I crumpled into myself. Texts like these have been coming daily for the last three weeks straight. Every single date night was canceled, always for the same reason. I can’t bring myself to think of it as an excuse. That would be he is trying to find ways to avoid me. Unless he finally realized that I’m just holding him back from creating more, creating better. Maybe I am just a pawn to find inspiration in, like a learning experience more than a loving one. I lay my phone down on the nightstand and glance over at the sweatshirt Chan left the last time he stayed the night. It’s been nearly two months since then, his scent long gone. Instead of replying, knowing I wouldn’t get a response, I leaned over and shut my lamp off. Maybe in my dreams he would love me again. 

●●●

The morning light shines through the small crack in my curtains. I sit up, rubbing my eyes as I lean over to grab my phone. No new messages. My heart sinks. This is the part I was dreading the most. Never had Chan canceled a date night and not immediately tried to reschedule. So this is it then. Taking a shaky breath, I shut down my phone. It’s no better than a paperweight right now when all I’ll be doing is waiting for him to reach out first. It’s childish of me, I know I could reach out first, but that brings more brewing of hope that it isn’t over if he responds. Or worse yet, if he does respond and confirms that it’s over. 

Letting my despair guide me, I shuffle towards the bathroom. Turning on the shower, I peel myself out of the clothes I wore to sleep in and step under the cold water. I don’t want warmth, that’s what he was. I just want to hide in the rain and gloom as these thoughts take over my body. It’s not like I can pack up and move out, we don’t share an apartment. Changing the code to my apartment is a possibility, but then I have to let all my friends know the new code and explain why it had to be changed. The only other option I can come up with is going back home for a few days. I moved to Seoul for school, but my family was back in the States. It’d give me the distance I need, and maybe some home cooked meals would heal the hole in my heart. I know Dad would pay for it, he’s been asking me to come home for a couple months now.

Taking a deep breath, I shut the water off and wrap a towel around me as I step out. Sighing, I walk back towards my bed and sit down at the edge. Bracing myself as I start my phone back up, I immediately call Dad as soon as it allows me to. “Hey! I know I’ve been delaying coming back home but I really miss you guys. I have the next two weeks off and was wondering if that would work for you and Mom?”

  “Darling, anything works for our little girl to be back in our arms. Give me a second to look at flights. How long would you need to pack? We still have plenty of your clothes here, you know.” Laughing a little as I struggle to keep my composure, I glance around the room. “I can be ready to go as early as tonight then.”

“Really? There’s a flight that leaves at 5pm, your time. You’d have a couple hours to pack. Is that enough time?” His giddiness is almost palpable through the crackling speaker. A genuine snort forces its way out. “Sure, Dad. Thank you, I love you and I’ll see you soon then.” I stand up as he replies, “I love you so much, honey. Your mom is going to be so happy to have her baby back home for a while.” I hang up a little after a little more farewells are exchanged, insisting that I need to start packing. I make the mistake of glancing down at the screen before I get changed.

Channie💕: good morning, sweets. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can attempt to reschedule. It’s so hectic here with the comeback so soon and the album not being near ready enough. We’ll talk soon

Dread coils my gut, nearly knocking me over. That’s two messages without the words I need most. With shaking fingers I finally respond back, Oh okay. I love you. I throw my phone on the bed and walk away towards the closet, changing quickly. I refuse to look at my phone again until I have a suitcase packed. 

●●●

Almost two hours later, I finally find the courage to pick my phone back up. Checking the time, I notice two notifications: one text and one email. Unlocking the screen, my heart shatters. Both are from Dad. The email is the flight information, informing me that I have around an hour to get to the airport.

Father Dearest: y/n, I forwarded the email with all ur flight info. Oh, honey, I can’t explain how excited I am to have u home with us. If u haven’t finished packing yet, good luck. Love u!

Sighing as tears finally fall down my cheeks, I order an Uber to take me to the airport. I know I should text Chan, but I can’t bring myself to allow even the possibility of going unanswered again. I’ll let him know before the plane takes off, using the cushion of the flight to allow me the escape I’ll need.

An agonizing 20 minutes pass before I’m climbing into the Uber. I spare a glance  up at my apartment as we pull away. A part of me hopes he’ll show up to find me gone before I can even text him. It’s selfish and petty, but I just want Chan to feel a part of the agony I’ve been feeling. A simple conversation might be able to solve all of this, but we haven’t been able to have a solid 5 minute conversation in the past month, let alone one long enough to require what needs to be said. He couldn’t even get time off for a quick phone call on our one-year anniversary last week. Tears are slipping down my face before I know it. I quickly rub my sleeves over my face, not wanting the driver to ask questions. 

We finally pull up to the airport and I climb out, thanking him for the ride. I barely feel present in my body as I walk through the motions of the airport. Next thing I know, I’m sitting in my seat staring out the window. The announcement comes that phones need to be turned off soon. Taking a deep breath, I prepare the text for Chan.

Hi, Channie. I want to start off by saying I’m not mad, I completely understand. You’re an idol and I knew this was going to be difficult when I agreed to be your girlfriend. I guess I misjudged exactly how difficult it would actually be. I want to thank you for the last year. You were such a blessing in my life, crashing into me and claiming your spot in my heart. I don’t know if you feel the same, I can’t talk to you anymore to confirm or deny my suspicions. The distance between us recently has said more than we’ve been able to. I’ve decided to make it more physical for a little while. I’m headed back home for a couple weeks. I know the timezone difference is going to be hard to communicate, but we’ve gotten so used to it that it shouldn’t feel any different. If this is goodbye, all I ask is that you just remove your stuff from my apartment before I get back. I’m sorry I couldn’t be stronger. I do love you, Chan. I just miss you too much to keep this up.

I hit send just as we begin our take-off. Shutting my phone and my feelings off, I lay my head back and drift to sleep, keen on waking up only when I can step off the flight into my parents’ arms. 

●●●

I didn’t last the whole flight, but the last few hours were filled with reading the book I had packed just in case sleep evaded me. It was enough to not think about Chan, but never enough to dull the ache in my chest. We finally landed and shuffled off the plane, all heading towards baggage claim. Refusing to turn my phone back on, I felt like a robot on autopilot as I followed the crowd. I grabbed my suitcase and squared my shoulders as I prepared to face my family. They knew about Chan and I’s relationship, but I don’t want this trip to be about my broken heart. I walk out the doors and it takes me only a minute of scanning before I hear my name being shouted seconds before Dad barrels into me, lifting me off my feet in a hug. Mom wraps her arms around me as he sets me down, tears falling down all our faces.

“Oh my baby! You’re finally home! I’ve missed you so much.” Mom sobs into my shoulder, holding me tighter than should be humanly possible. I hug her back before tapping her shoulder, in need of oxygen. She pulls back with a relieved smile. “I have your favorite dinners planned for the whole time you're here. How’s Chan?” 

My own smile falters for a split second before I straighten myself out. “Oh, you know, he’s just busy with his comeback. I had plenty of time to myself to make an impromptu trip,” partially the truth, just not the whole story. I can work with that easier than an outright lie. I smile at both my parents as they nod in understanding, Dad grabbing my suitcase to put in the car while Mom pulls my hand to get us going. The ride home is full of small talk about how work is going, how school was this last semester, how they are enjoying Dad’s new bonus from work. I fall into a comfortable silence as they keep the conversation flowing between them. 

●●●

After dinner I finally find the courage to turn my phone back on, it’s been nearly six hours since I landed. It’s early morning back in Seoul, close enough to a full day since I sent the text to Chan. As my phone turns on, I’m bombarded with notifications. Missed calls and texts, nearly all from Chan.

Channie💕: Baby what?

Channie💕: You didn’t actually leave did you?

*two miss calls from Channie💕*

Channie💕: Y/N please answer me. I can’t stand this, don’t leave me. I love you so much

Channie💕: I know I haven’t seen you in a bit or been able to talk to you but I don’t want to lose you

Channie💕: Baby please be at home, please let this be some cruel prank

Channie💕: You’re really not at home. Oh my god, baby please come back to me. I can’t lose you please don’t do this I love you

*four missed calls from Channie💕*

Channie💕: I get it. Baby, I understand it’s hard. I should’ve tried harder for you. You mean so much to me. I fell into my typical work pattern and left you out, I’m so so fucking sorry. You’re a priority too and I neglected that. I need you

Channie💕: you went back home… for fuck’s sake I screwed up. I just saw the date. Oh my god y/n im the worst. I didnt even take off for our anniversary. You were waiting for me to even acknowledge it and i couldnt even do that. I fucked up so bad

Channie💕: Babygirl… i feel like i cant even breathe right now, my heart’s been ripped out and flew across the world with you

*eight missed calls from Channie💕*

Channie💕: okay okay, I know this is getting excessive and I get that you’re on the plane but you should’ve landed by now. Just let me know that you’re alive. 

Channie💕: My sweet girl, I will fix this. Fix us. I can’t imagine going through life without you in it. 

Channie💕: I hope what I’m about to do doesn’t further break us, I love you so much, to the moon and stars beyond

The last text sent my heart into a stuttering stop. What did he mean by that first part? A wave of relief followed by anxiety floods my system. The last text was sent almost four hours ago. Tears welled in my eyes as I listened to the multiple voicemails he left. All practically the same as his texts, only I could hear the voice breaks and sobs between words. My heart cracked open and pain seeped through me. 

Chris what are you doing? I understand that you’re busy, you don’t need to apologize, I’m the one who couldn’t handle it. We can talk when I get back, just focus on the album. Maybe with a longer time to plan we can sit and have a proper conversation. I still love you.

I chewed on my lower lip nervously as I waited for his response. After staring at the screen for nearly 30 minutes with no reply, I sighed as I assumed he just had to go back to work, blocking out the relationship that was sinking underwater. I quietly changed and crawled into bed. One last glance at my phone showed no new notifications. Tears flooded my face as I turned over in my childhood bed, resigned to sleep until the pain subsided.

●●●

I woke up to my mom shaking my shoulder. Blinking, I turned over to her, my face swollen from crying until I passed out. “Oh honey, I’m sorry to wake you up but there’s someone here to see you,” Mom bit down on her lips, like she was trying not to smile. I sat up and grabbed my phone, realizing that I’d slept for nearly 14 hours. “Okay, who is it?”

Mom shook her head and finally let the smile break free. “I think you should check for yourself, they said they’ve been wanting to see you for a while.” I cocked my head, confusion etched across my face. She just smiled brighter as she backed out of the room. “Just get dressed and I’ll send them up in a couple minutes. They’re finishing some tea up with your dad.” Tea? Dad doesn’t even like tea, he’s a die-hard coffee lover. Confusion still clouding my mind, I walked to my closet, ignoring the suitcase on the ground and threw on a sundress I had left here. I didn’t know who was waiting or how formal I had to be. I quickly threw my hair into a braid before checking my face in the mirror. The puffiness wouldn’t be able to go away in time, as I already heard rushed steps up the stairs. It finally dawned on me that whoever it was was being sent up to my room. Who would my parents have me meet in my room instead of downstairs with them?

As soon as the thought finished, my door was practically kicked open. I had less than 2 seconds to process who it was before arms were around me and squeezing me almost as hard as Mom had at the airport. Instantly the familiar scent hit my nose and I reeled back, surprise taking over the confusion and tears welling up faster than ever before.

“My sweet babygirl, you think I could handle two weeks with you in another country across the world after what I did?” Chan smiled as tears streaked down his face, clearly wary of my reaction. “I- fuck. I’m so sorry for everything,” he fell to his knees in front of me. “I didn’t expect to meet your family like this. Hell, your dad’s first impression of me was with tears streaming down my face and blubbering out what I did before I was even invited in,” Chan laughed at himself a little. “Of course, then I was immediately brought to the kitchen where he had me sit down and explain everything. I felt like such an idiot saying it all out loud. I wouldn’t have forgiven me if I was him. But then he said it wasn’t up to him, it’s your decision on if I should get kicked to the curb.” I stood in silence, staring down at him. He wrapped his arms around my legs, shaking from the sobs he was clearly holding back. “Baby, my y/n. I don’t even know where to begin. I screwed up so tremendously. The company couldn’t even stop me before I had booked a flight and had Bin race me to the airport. Felix called me a moron before I left,” at that he leaned back and rubbed the back of his neck.

“He’s not wrong.” I sunk down to my knees to be level with him. His eyes widened and tears still silently slid down his cheeks. I shook my head as I pulled him to me, finally hugging him back. “You’re a moron for coming here when you should be working on the album. But I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more. We can get through this. I just- it sounds so selfish- but I needed to truly see if you still wanted this. This was more than I ever expected.” I pulled back to look him in the eyes, bringing my hands to his cheeks to wipe the tears away. I leaned forward and connected our foreheads, breathing in his presence.

His words were barely a whisper as he breathed them into our shared space. “I thought I lost you. I swear on my career that I will change for you. You mean too much to me to watch you slip away again. I love you more than words can express. To the moon and stars beyond, my angel. Always.” I closed my eyes at his confession, breathing in the love he was giving back to me.

“How about we go back downstairs and reintroduce you to my parents. Since, you know, you’re meeting them now.” I giggled softly as he stiffened. 

“Can we hold each other a little longer first? I look like a mess and it’s been long overdue to have you in my arms again.” I fully laughed at that. “Of course, love. You’re mine, they can wait to see the best version of you while I piece it back together for a bit.” He pulled away and stared at me. Without another word, he launched into a tackle, hugging me like he would never let go. 

[starlahuskyz]

Chances - Chapter 20

Summary: The boys take Jordan to properly meet their sire, however one thing leads to another and an old face rears their ugly head once again.

It's been a while, but I'm just in time for my oc x canon's anniversary! Things are picking up finally, so the end is near.

Chapter 19 <<< >>> Chapter 21

TW// Stalking, Sexual Themes, Implied Smut

------------------------------------------------

Jordan had been sleeping peacefully with Marko that night, that is until she found herself in a dark room only lit by the moonlight casted through the windows. Marko was nowhere to be found, and she heard nothing but the deafening silence accompanying her. She scanned the darkness around her and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness around her, she started recognizing where she was. The Looff Carousel on the boardwalk, she’d visited this ride plenty of times while living in Santa Carla. She walked along the platform and grazed her hands along each horse that sat along the ride.

Without much of a warning, she heard the sound of mechanical whirring starting up and the whole attraction came to life, the tune “To the Shock of Miss Louise” started blaring on the speakers surrounding the ride. Jordan was perplexed and she grabbed a hold of the many poles circling the rotating platform. Said platform started to move and each horse moved up and down, Jordan carefully walked in between each horse trying to find any potential souls besides her own.

It didn’t take her long before she started feeling uncomfortable, she once again felt the sensation of being watched again. Her hair stood up on its ends and she grew anxious wondering who was with her. She thought back to the one person she saw who sported a clown mask similar to the clown face seen on the walls of the carousel. She jumped to the conclusion that it must’ve been the same person and immediately started scanning the room around her, she then only realized something.

Every single horse within her view had their eyes on her, and as she walked through the ride they only stared at her. The feeling of anxiety grew to an all time high, the ground beneath her started to disappear before her and she soon fell down with it. She only remembered one thing as she fell, the voice of someone saying,

“I’m still here…”

---------------------

With a nasty fright, Jordan woke up and found herself on the ceiling above her bed. She rolled over and saw Marko still lying peacefully on the bed with Bixby, not even realizing Jordan wasn’t with him. Mildly panicked as she struggled to get herself down, she called for Marko.

“Marko! Are you awake?”

No movement, she opted to get Bixby’s attention.

“Bixby! Wake him up!”

The little black feline lifted its head begrudgingly growling lightly until seeing the predicament his owner was in. The cat stalked over to Marko’s face and meowed and swiped at him, waking him up.

“Dammit cat, leave me alone! What?” Marko looked at Bixby angrily until realizing Jordan was gone and upon looking up he saw her still trying to free herself from the ceiling.

“What the hell happened?”

“Like hell I know, now help me down please!”

Marko grabbed Jordan’s leg pulling her down to the bed where she finished her little flying session. 

“Did you have a bad dream or something?” Marko rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

“How did you know?”

“Vampires tend to fly in their sleep when in distress and not holding onto anything. Like one time, Paul took a nap and started to fly around the cave.” He recounted how confused Paul was after that experience.

“It was definitely a bad dream, but I’d rather not think about it too hard right now.” 

Jordan laid back onto the bed petting Bixby on his head as he sat in a loaf position on the bed. Marko did the same and nuzzled himself into her neck purring loudly. Taking a glance at her clock she saw it was 5pm, still another two hours before the sun properly sets.

“We should rest a bit more, it still isn’t sundown yet.” Marko suggested.

“I really don’t wanna go back to sleep after that.” Jordan responded exasperatedly.

Marko rolled onto his back and clicked his tongue thinking about what they could do to wait out the time. He reached a hand onto Jordan’s thigh and squeezed it, she only looked at him confused.

“The hell are you doing?” 

“I know what we could do to pass the time.” Marko winked at her and she tensed up and sat up.

“Are you out of your mind? Why now?”

“I know it’s a bit sudden but, hearing about your ex made me kinda mad. I wanna prove that I can treat you better than he did,I could rock your world babe.”

“And you’re gonna prove that by having the dirtiest sex imaginable?”

“Well…if that’s what you want then-”

“No. Don’t even, you have to earn that from me.” She stood up and turned her TV on to see what shows were on, Marko stayed in the bed watching her. His face was thoughtful.

“Earn it…what do I gotta do?” 

“You sure are desperate aren’t you?” Jordan moved away from the TV to look at him after settling on a show.

“I’m just asking, can a guy not ask a question?” Marko grabbed her hands and pulled her into his lap, without contest from Jordan.

“Listen, it’s just been a while since I’ve done anything like this and to be honest, the night Viktor turned me was my first time being intimate with anyone. And I don’t really even remember it. I don't want to rush into this and end up regretting it.” 

Jordan thought back to that night and how after she drank the blood, everything afterwards became nothing but flashes of distant memories and singular moments in time.

“Well, I can say this much, you definitely won’t forget or regret any of the action I'd give. I’d make all your worries melt away, you deserve everything. I want you to forget all about that scumbag and pretend like I’m your first…only if you're okay with it.”

Marko shoved his face into Jordan’s neck and nipped at her skin relishing in her scent and taste. She ran her fingers through his golden locks as he did so, she pulled his chin up and looked him in the eyes. She gave him a gentle kiss on his forehead making him grumble happily.

“Can I trust you?”

“May god strike me down where I sit.”

---------------------

8:30pm

Marko and Jordan laid together watching the TV quietly play a random show they'd both never seen before. However, neither of them paid any attention to what was being said. Jordan traced shapes onto Marko's tummy while he played with Jordan's raven hair, they both purred happily as they enjoyed each other's company.

They were pulled out of their comfortable silence though when they heard a loud knocking sound on the basement doors outside. Jordan begrudgingly sat up.

“Who is it?”

“It’s the pizza man! Open up, Jordan!”

Marko sat up as well and wrapped his arms around Jordan, purring.

“Did you bring us a spicy sausage pizza?” Marko asked, making Jordan swipe at him in embarrassment.

“Hell yeah! How do we open the door though?”

“There should be a key to open the lock inside a potted plant next to the door.”

After that, she heard some footsteps and shuffling leave and come back she then heard a sudden bang come from someone busting the lock open. Paul sauntered in

and Dwayne followed through holding a busted lock in his hands. 

“Couldn’t find the key, so we took advice from what you did-” Paul’s words quieted after he noticed a rather jarring change with Jordan’s outfit…or rather lack thereof. “Looks like someone got lucky last night.”

It was only then that Jordan had noticed she was completely underdressed for the occasion and Paul had been staring at her bare chest. She quickly pulled her blanket up to cover her up.

“Maybe I did, but that doesn’t give you the right to stare at my chest you asshole. Dwayne, can you toss me my clothes?”

Dwayne wordlessly handed her something to wear and Marko simply got up to get his clothes while completely naked.

“And you don’t look half bad yourself.” Paul purred at Marko who in turn cuffed the side of his head.

After Jordan finally put something on and looked more presentable she turned the TV off. “Why are you guys even here?”

“David wanted us to come and get you guys.” Dwayne explained.

“Dad wants to talk to us over dinner about Marko’s new girlfriend.” Paul chucked one of Jordan’s stuffed animals at Marko as he put his pants on making him trip over himself.

“You guys have a dad?” Jordan asked, Paul pulled her out of bed and threw an arm over her shoulders.

“Don’t worry about that right now, you need a nice outfit for tonight.”

----------------

Within the hour, the boys had taken Jordan to a pleasant looking house. They had given little to zero information about who they were visiting on the way over. And now they were standing on the porch awaiting an answer from the person inside and Jordan was beyond nervous. David stood at the front of the group obnoxiously ringing the doorbell while the others just snickered quietly. Marko stood in the back with Jordan and wordlessly grabbed her hand to help relieve her anxiety.

Eventually the door opened up, and much to Jordan’s dismay, it was the owner of the video store on the pier of the boardwalk. She never liked him before and now she realizes why. The man had a look of annoyance in his face as he stared down the platinum blonde.

“Feeling a bit daring, don’t we David?”

“Just playing around, we brought Jordan like you asked.” David moved aside to let Marko bring Jordan up to become acquainted with their sire.

Marko gently nudged Jordan forward while she just stared at the vampire warily.

“Glad we can finally be properly acquainted, I’m Max.”

“I know, you own the video store on the pier.”

Max chuckled at her somewhat snappy nature. “You have a fiery spirit, it doesn't surprise me that Marko pounced on you once he finally had the opportunity.”

The others snickered at Marko while he quietly growled back at them. “Lay off Max, can we just come inside now?”

Max moves aside leaving access for the group “You’re invited…”

------------------

Everyone sat around a dining table eating a quaint little dinner together, having small conversations together to break the ice between them. Jordan took note of how the boys were acting somewhat well behaved, they still occasionally made jabs at Max or each other but they didn’t do anything all too out of line. Eventually, Max began to start talking with the newest member of the family trying to learn more.

“So Jordan, I hope Marko has been treating you well, same thing with all my boys.”

“Marko has definitely been behaving well, can’t say the same about the others though.” Jordan eyed the others as they quietly chuckled. “I don’t care too much though, I mean, I’m happy now so yeah.” She shrugged her shoulders unsure of what else to say.

“I noticed you seemed to deny Marko’s love before all…this. What made you come around?” He folded his hands ready to listen in.

“I don’t know, it happened the day they all found out I was a vampire. We talked for a bit and I guess I liked his style, we made plans to hang out and now we’re here.”

“That’s wonderful, but now I wanna know what kept you from saying yes from the very first encounter with him?”

Jordan hesitated, telling Max means she’s going to have to tell her story once again. Before she could answer, Paul answered for her.

“She played hard to get, all because she had a shitty ex.”

“Paul shut up!” Jordan snapped at him.

“It’s true, you told us all about it last night. Now you don’t wanna talk about it?”

Max tilted his head curiously “I’m assuming it’s a long story?”

“Yeah, but to give you the cliff notes, I moved here, met a guy who turned out to be a vampire. We dated for a while and he ended up turning me into a vampire without my permission, and I may or may not have killed my whole coven and now I live in my parents basement.”

Max leaned back in his chair, his face was thoughtful. “I see.”

“There was a lot more stuff in between, but the point is that I was left with horrible trust issues for the past year and that’s why I rejected Marko at first.”

Max still looked thoughtful as Jordan spoke and the boys took notice of it pretty quickly.

“Cat got your tongue?” David asked.

“No…Marko do you mind if we talk in private real quick. The rest of you I want in the living room.”

--------------

The boys and Jordan minus Marko all waited in the living room while Max talked to Marko. It was a sudden change and everyone had been caught off guard about it. Jordan was especially anxious about it.

“Do you think it was something I said?” Jordan turned to the others looking for reassurance.

“Who knows, I wouldn’t worry too much. Probably just chewing out Marko to make sure he treats you like a queen.” Paul sprawled out on the couch with his head on Dwayne’s lap as he spoke to Jordan.

“But what if he comes out saying it’s something about me and I might be causing problems.”

The boys all groaned quietly, then Dwayne shoved Paul off of him and asked “If I eavesdrop will you stop worrying?”

Jordan thought for a moment “Sure, just make sure they don’t notice you.”

Dwayne stood up and quietly moved towards the kitchen to listen in, he caught on to the middle of their convo.

----------------

“You know the rules Marko.”

“Bullshit, she said she killed him. How do you know for a fact he’s still alive, I’m sure I would’ve noticed.”

“She just has a presence on her, it’s unmistakable, I know the feeling of a sire when I feel it.”

Marko huffed in frustration, “The hell am I supposed to tell her? That her ex is still alive and is watching her? She’d probably drop dead.”

Max laid a heavy hand on his shoulder “Listen, I understand this is hard, but even if you wanted to be with her, her sire will try to fight you for her. I don’t want to have to come and save you.”

Marko shook his shoulder to remove his sire’s hand “I don’t need your help, I’ll find him myself and fuck him up.”

----------------

Dwayne perked up at the convo and returned back to the living room, as soon as he’s back Jordan stood up and approached him.

“What did you hear?”

Dwayne reached a hand up to scratch the back of his neck not saying a word.

“Please don’t tell me it was bad…”

“Listen, I wanna ask you something first. When you killed your ex, are you absolutely sure he was dead?”

“Of course! A stake to the heart instantly kills a vampire right?”

No one says a word for a moment.

“Well not if he’s your sire, a fledgling can’t kill their own sire in the typical vampire slaying way.”

Jordan’s face pales “You’re kidding, right?”

Dwayne then speaks again “Shit, then it might be possible.”

Jordan doesn’t say another word, and makes a beeline for the door and runs out into the woods surrounding Max’s house. The others don’t even have the chance to stop her and just stand by the open door.

“You guys stay here, I’ll go get her.” David quickly follows after Jordan.

----------------

She didn’t know how long she’d been running for, a part of her didn’t even know why she was running. She just knew she wanted to get away, she couldn’t even fathom the idea of her ex still being alive. It just couldn’t be, she found herself in the heart of the forest she ran into and stopped for a minute to ponder what was happening. 

Her mind raced with a thousand thoughts a second, she wasn’t sure who to believe. Was she right? Did she think too confidently about whether or not she finished the job?

Before she could come to a conclusion, she heard a voice from behind her.

“It’s been too long, hasn’t it?”

Swiftly turning around, Jordan felt her heart drop into her stomach upon seeing who it was.

“Viktor…”

“Jordan, you look just as beautiful as the day you left me. In fact, you may look even better.” He slowly approached her, he looked practically the same from when she originally saw him from the first time.

Jordan didn’t speak, at a loss for words. Viktor approached her until he was at least one foot in front of her.

“Too stunned to speak?”

“...How? I staked you.” She stared up at him, feeling all alarms going off in her head.

“Well, didn’t your friend already tell you? With me being your sire, you couldn’t kill me by staking me. It’s silly, isn’t it?” He lifted a finger to twirl it around her dark locks of hair.

“Silly isn’t the word for it, infuriating is more appropriate.” She stepped away from him, breaking contact.

“Oh, Jordan you’re breaking my heart. It’s been almost two years, are you ever going to let go of my mistake?”

“Mistake? You’re full of shit Viktor! You planned to turn me without my permission, that was no goddamn mistake!”

“True, but I truly never meant to hurt you. I just want you back, you’re all I have now.” 

“Bullshit, you should’ve thought better before you pulled that crap on me. I’d rather let a train run me over a thousand times over before I ever think about going back to you!”

Viktor sighed, then laughed.

“You’re stubborn, you really don’t believe me? I’ve kept an eye on you ever since you decided to go on your own. I’ve been watching you every day making sure you would be okay, if I truly wanted to do anything harmful to you I wouldn’t have already done it?”

Jordan thought back to those feelings of being watched she’d experience. It made so much sense now.

“Of course it was you…I should’ve known. You know if you truly loved me, you wouldn’t breach my damn privacy and watch me for every moment of my damn life.”

“I just wanted to keep up with what you were up to, especially after that new boy came into your life. I can smell him on you, and to be frank…it makes me sick.”

Jordan grew more defensive. “If you even try to touch Marko I swear to god you’ll have the devil to pay god dammit.”

He laughed coldly, “Cute, you love him don’t you?”

“Yes, he’s not perfect but I’ll take someone honest over a lying asshole like you. If you want me back, you’ll have to fight me for that.”

Viktor’s face was thoughtful for a moment, the wind started to pick up around them as leaves flew past them and trees swayed back and forth.

“Let’s make a wager on that, how about in a week from now, I will come visit your home. We’ll confront each other and see what happens, and just to be fair, I’ll leave you be for the week so you can get your affairs in order.”

“Fine, I’ll rip your ass to pieces, you just wait.”

He smiled, “I’m looking forward to it, by the way, don’t even think about bringing any of the clowns with you. This is between me and you only, please don’t disappoint me.”

As Viktor finished speaking, a new presence made themself known.

David stood in the same opening “Get away from her you prick.”

“I was already on my way out.” Viktor quickly left not before giving Jordan a quick peck on her cheek. She couldn’t even say anything due to how sudden it was, she only watched him leave swiftly into the woods behind her.

“He didn’t hurt you did he?” David approached her watching her.

“Not physically.” She turned back to face David.

“Don’t let him get to you, we’ll put his dick in the dirt before he even has the chance to take you away from us.”

David moved to leave before Jordan ran in front of him, cutting him off. 

“NO!” He raised an eyebrow at her sudden outburst, “I mean, no. Don’t bother.”

“Don’t tell me you feel bad for that bastard.”

“Of course not! I mean you can’t tell anyone about this, because I told Viktor that I’d confront him on my own. He doesn’t want anyone else with me, me bringing you guys along means I’m admitting defeat!”

“Who gives a shit! What makes you think you’ll be able to take him on by yourself when you couldn’t even take me on.”

“I’ve gotten stronger!”

“Bullshit.”

Jordan moved to attack David, but with a quick reaction he grabbed her wrist and crushed it under his vampiric strength making her falter. He let go and watched as Jordan fell to her knees in defeat.

“You going to fight him on your own is a death sentence, I understand what you’re trying to do. But I refuse to let one of our members get themselves killed because of their own stupidity. Imagine how Marko would feel if you were killed.”

Jordan stared up at David in disbelief, but she realized that he was being genuine. He stared her down making her know her place in their coven, Jordan stood up slowly.

“That’s a good point, but I will never truly be Marko’s mate if I never get rid of Viktor for good. I appreciate your care, but I need you to keep this between you and me. If I need you guys to help me, I’ll let you know. Just give me a chance to at least try, I’m tired of running.”

David said nothing, he sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine…but if Marko finds out, it’s your problem.”

“Fine by me.”

---------------------------------------------

Taglist (If you wanna be tagged, just ask ^ ^)

@blog4horror @ria-coolgirl @oceansrose2002 @hypocriticaltypwriter @deliciousfestsalad @kristel1990

[sk1nt0b3]

Hey. I just wanted to ask how stay motivated and starve even when in pain and uncortably dizzy? Cause I'm literally 63kgs and really need to start losing. Like I was 56kgs now I'm 63. How do you do it?

I make sure that I start a fast around 5pm or 8pm (17:00 or 20:00) since I usually eat around 12:00 on most days. A 16 hour fast can be started at 8 (20:00) and you can just sleep majority of the time. If you start your fast earlier like at 5pm (17:00) I recommend doing anything to distract yourself (taking a shower, watching yt, scrolling on tumblr, posting on tumblr, etc) and drink plenty of water, I’m talking, 1/2 cups of water every hour or so, this way you can eat earlier if you have to. It’ll make you pee a lot but it’s worth it in the morning. Drinking tons of water can also help with dizziness and during your eating time make sure to have protein with every meal or so. You can even drink green tea if you’d like. For motivation, I like to go on tumblr and look at Th1nspø and think about what my lover would be more comfortable standing next to (definitely not someone as b1g as me), plus all the cute clothes you can wear once you’re at your gw.

I wish you luck on your wl!!!

[niall-ate-mynamee]

note: well…here’s a little one shot for Nialler’s birthday (let’s pretend i didn’t post this 3 days after, yeah? ;))

hope you enjoy! <3

i haven’t proof read this, so any mistakes, please let me know!

It was Niall’s 30th birthday. He was alone. Sure, he had plenty of friends he could’ve invited over and drank until he passed out, but he wanted to be alone. He was missing his boys today. His boys.

Louis, the idiot, the prankster, his partner in crime. Oh, how he missed the laughs they had on and off camera. Louis was the one who could make him laugh in the midst of a breakdown.

Liam, “daddy direction” as everyone called him. His best friend. The man who had a heart of gold, but had demons he had been fighting and overcame. Liam would hold him tight when things got too much.

Harry, his younger-older brother. The man who Niall knew would always be loved by millions around the world and could be on tour every single day for the rest of his life and still have sold out shows. The man who would stay up all night when Niall couldn’t sleep.

Even Zayn, his brother from another mother. The man who protected Niall, no matter the circumstance or consequences. Who showed his love every single day. He would sit silently when Niall would rant and rave about the difficulties he experienced.

Niall missed them. Beyond anything. He knew they were all living their best lives and he was forever proud of everything they achieved. He’d follow their journeys. Their music was indescribable. He had all their albums, listened to them every single day. He’d watch back old interviews and One Direction videos just to feel closer to them.

But, all he ever wanted, was to see them again, hang out with them again, have a massive party, just the five of them. Was that too much to ask?

He was turning 30 now, and the only gift he wanted was them. Don’t get him wrong, the gifts, cards, texts and countless messages he’s received already from friends, family and fans are so amazing and he feels so cared about…but, there’s only four messages he’s yet to receive and if his heart is cracking every hour that passes with nothing, well, nobody has to know.

It’s nearing 5pm, the time his friends had asked him to be ready for because they have some surprise planned for him before they take him out for the night. Niall found it quite pathetic really, how a now-30 year old man was alone in his home moping about the past, but you’ll have to forgive Niall, because he’s never exactly been “normal”. He was always the odd one out.

When he was changed and ready, about to open up a beer to celebrate on his own before he would spend the rest of his day surrounded by people, there was a knock on the door. He bit back a groan, quickly taking a gulp from the bottle, while walking towards the door.

There was a second knock, and Niall rolled his eyes. Sometimes, his friends were so impatient. They knew he was in, and knew he was expecting them, so there was no need to knock more than once, dammit!

“I’ve told you before, if you keep knocking, I won’t-“ He froze as he opened the door, nearly dropping his beer, thinking he was going crazy, because there, standing right on his doorstep, grinning cheekily and arms full of gifts, and alcohol, were the only four people he wanted to see.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NIALLER!” They cheered, holding up various gifts wrapped neatly, cards with his name on, Louis of course had enough beer for them all to spend the entire next 12 hours drinking, and every single one of them had eyes sparkling with joy and love.

“Wh-what?” Is all he could choke out.

It was Liam who explained, “You didn’t think we’d ever forget your birthday, did’ya, Ni? Your mum had said you were celebrating alone this year, and we couldn’t have that, could we, boys?” Liam threw a wink to Niall as the boys nodded, “Thought we’d drop by and make sure you had some company. After all, you only turn 30 once!”

Niall was shocked. He couldn’t believe his boys were really here and standing just merely inches away from him. He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes and he thanked the gods his house was protected from any public passer-by’s.

“We love you, Neil, and we miss you…can we have the honour of celebrating your birthday with you?” It was Louis this time, and Niall choked on a sob before nodding frantically and launching himself on them and bringing them all into a group hug.

He could hear their laughter as their arms wrapped around him and held up tight. His nose was hit with all their scents and he breathed them in, making sure it was real and he hadn’t just gotten so drunk that he was hallucinating.

“You idiots…I miss and love you so much,” He whispered, not letting go. He felt a pair of arms under his thighs and he jumped slightly, wrapping his legs around whoever’s waist and feeling them carry him back into his house.

By the smell alone, he could tell it was Liam he was clinging onto, and he started to blush. It’s been over 8 years since he last was carried around by any of the boys like this, but he didn’t care in that moment, because he had his boys again and he’d be damned if he was letting them go now.

When they made it to the lounge, he lifted his head from where it was buried in Liam’s neck, and looked around. Louis was putting all the beers on the table (the one Niall had already was amongst the bunch and for a moment, he wondered how it got there because he didn’t remember putting it down or even letting go), Harry was placing all the gifts they had brought in a neat pile in the corner of the room, Zayn was putting multiple games (board and video), DVDs and CDs he had with him in separate piles on the other table and Liam still had a hold of Niall.

“What did ya wanna do first, Nialler? We’ve got films, music, games? Or we can give you your presents? The choice is all yours!” He heard Zayn ask, and Niall finally let go of Liam to look around at them all. He grinned and wiped at his eyes, making sure to take it all in and laughed, truly laughed, head thrown back and eyes sparkling with so much love and joy.

“You lads better have got me the most expensive gifts you could find, after all, I’m your favourite Irishman ever!” He joked, and everyone burst into laughter.

“Nah, I prefer Bobby Horan!” Harry smirked, earning himself a playful glare before being attacked by Niall and the two “babies” of their group ended up on the ground, and the laughter was even louder.

Five boys who grew into men back together. Their hearts beating as one, once again. Niall wouldn’t change anything for the world, because even though they’ve moved on from their past, and are all doing their own things, they’re family. No matter what life throws at them, they’ve always got four brothers ready to catch them.

Niall spent his 30th birthday with the people who meant more to him than he could ever describe. Niall would never celebrate another birthday alone ever again. He had his boys there for him, and he’d forever be grateful.

Maybe one day in the future, they’d make music together again, maybe they won’t, but either way, Niall had four brothers who he’ll forever love and cherish.

note: Happy birthday, Nialler <3

sorry it took me slightly longer to post, writers block has hit me hard lately!

i hope you guys enjoyed this, anyways! it’s slightly different to what/how i usually write, so let me know what you think! :)

i’ll be working on some prompts over the next few weeks, so there’ll be more coming very soon!

[productivityera]

New plan for productivity

The great thing about doing 100 days of productivity, or similar challenges is that you can go through them when you're done and find what worked/didn't work.

I've been super unmotivated lately - exams are coming up and I have a few life things I need to do. How about a productivity challenge 2.0?

Lasts year's challenge was crazy - I had so many commitments, so little time, and above all, I was stressed out sooo much. To say the least, it was an overcommitment. At the end of the day, how did I get through it?

Special Consideration !!

This was a lifesaver for me. On my last exam, I had to deal with so many things, plus our new house didn't have any wifi. We live in a regional area, meaning there were no 24/7 cafes and no libraries open to study. It also felt like a cop-out - which it shouldn't have. I was going through a crazy time - and studying for an exam wasn't exactly something that had to be done immediately.

So ... I am going to be doing a new productivity blog - but this time it's going to be on my terms. I will set realistic goals, I will make sure I have time for my social life, exercise and relaxation, and I will be concentrating on making healthy habits.

So, realistic goals mean that they follow the SMART format:

S - Specific (I have a clear goal) eg. I will complete questions 2-7 on a worksheet.

M- Measurable. (Time or goal oriented) eg. I will study for maths for one hour, I will finish one paragraph

A - Attainable (Goals I know I can acheive) eg. I cannot say "I will finish this essay in one day", instead. "I will dedicate 6 hours to this essay today"

R - Relevent (Relevence to my study) eg. highlighting text isn't exactly a great use of my time, given I don't even do readings

T - Time-based (Set a deadline) eg. By 5pm I will have completed a practice quiz

If I find that I a goal doesn't follow the SMART format, or the goal simply isn't doable in a set time frame, or that I will be studying for an exhorbenent amount of time to acheive my goals, I decide that I need help. This help may mean applying for special consideration on any assignments - it may mean asking members of my family to do certain household tasks if I dont have time to do them. It may also mean lowering my expections for myself.

A question I also ask myself is: "How do I stay motivated when I'm not stressed tf out?"

I am quite good at completing tasks that make me very stressed. When I have an assignment due, the only way I feel like I can study is by studying an hour beforehand or submitting an essay with a minute to spare.

It is week 9 of the semester right now - I have 3 weeks left of coursework, and plenty of time to start studying for my exams. So, time to start making a productivity blog and testing out certain methods and habits.

My health, including mental health is also important. So:

Exercise at least once a day. Even if this is 30 minute walk.

When studying, concentrate on eating nourishing foods. Fruit, nuts, not skipping meals, not snacking on junk foods if I feel peckish.

No coffee after 5pm. I know this time seems quite late, but due to my caffeine addiction, it'll get me a better night's sleep.

Plan out my day beforehand - if I don't have dog walks, plan out some other kind of exercise - how much I'm going to study etc. Block out my day using google calender - set tasks and complete them.

Plan social events with friends. Brunch's, shopping trips, study together's nights out etc. Something to look forward to.

Good luck on whatever productivity journey that you are on!

[khush-chronicles]

Day 22/45 (28.01.2024)

-Side effect of binge watching The Witcher: "sentences are divided into 5 types based on...TOSS A COIN TO YOUR WITCHER OH VALLEY OF PLENTY 🥁👩‍🎤🎸🎤🎙️🎷

-now that aside, Thankfully, the whole day was quite productive. Finished 2 subjects by noon. Forgot about lunch because I started reading a book (as if I have so much free time)

-Started studying again at 5pm. Continued till 12 am. Only took a break once and had ✨brunchinner✨ at around 6:30 pm.

-had brownie and coffee at around 9 pm. No wonder I couldn't sleep before 2am.

-No I haven't learned my lesson I am again going to drink coffee at a godawful hour.

-started daily exams. First exam was 28/30. Not bad not bad. Good start. Hoping to keep it up.

[winterhousehq]

    we are SNOWED IN, winter house cast. & what’s the best thing to do during a snowy night?? well, we have a classic SLUMBER PARTY, of course ! 

each room in the cabin will have something for you to do! the THEATER will be streaming childhood classic such as high school musical, the lizzie mcguire movie, spy kids, shrek and plenty more all night long! the KITCHEN / DINING ROOM will have unlimited snacks & booze for you to enjoy. of course, music will be playing all throughout the cabin. the GAME ROOM will have a bunch of party games like beer pong, flippy cup, twister for you to challenge a cast mate. the INDOOR HOT TUB will be on and in there you could also find face masks to use and relax with. come sing your favorite tunes at the BAR / LOUNGE where there will be a karaoke machine. 

and like a true slumber party, the cast will not be sleeping in their rooms. production will be clearing out the LIVING ROOM and leave air mattresses, hundreds of pillows and blankets for the cast to spend the night! on sunday morning, the cast will enjoy a brunch in the kitchen with breakfast foods & bottomless mimosas! *check the pinterest in the source link for inspo!

please read below details on this event.

IC DATE : 02/11/23 EVENING TO 2/12 AFTERNOON OOC DATES : 02/10 @ 10AM CST/8AM PST/5PM CET - 02/16 @ 11:30PM CST/9:30PM PST/6:30AM CET WHERE : cabin DRESS CODE : pajamas ( but make it fashion/sexy/cute ) HOW WILL IT WORK? : the cast is stuck inside. the snow is too heavy and high to risk going out so they cannot leave the cabin. they have to make the most of their night in the cabin. this will be a dash & discord event! on discord, there will be an event server that i will be posting with various room channels. in those channels you will be able to post starters/have “live” & quicker ic interactions with everyone. if there is a time where we are all on, we could play a game! on tumblr, i ask you pause all non-event threads & begin event threads. feel free to post your muse’s outfit during th event with the tag #whfit: slumber party !

[thedreadvampy]

I am. For some reason. Being haunted by guilt for this one fucking thing that happened when I was 17. It keeps floating up whenever I try to sleep the last couple of days, I think it's cause Sam's been ill. so I'm putting it here in an attempt to exorcise it. please tell me if this is a situation it makes sense to feel guilty about 13 years later.

Ok so I'm 17, right? I have this boyfriend. He's 18? 19? Not 100% sure on timings on this. and we've been together for about 9 months.

I'm still at school. He's not - he dropped out of sixth form twice, doesn't have a job and is on and off benefits. He's living in his mum's house but I think by this point she's up and moved to Ghana without much notice, leaving him alone with 4 cats and a dog (I'm not actually 100% sure she'd moved out yet at the time but I'm the interests of steelmanning the guilt let's assume she had. I think she had).

We live in different towns - he lives in the nearest Proper Town, the one with like a train station and shopping centre and cinema and clubs. I live 2 buses away - there's a 45 minute bus that takes me from his to the town I go to school in, which goes every 20 minutes 6am-11pm, and then the 20/40 min bus (it takes alternating routes) that I have to take from that town to my village, which goes every 80 minutes 7am-5pm.

My habit at the time is leaving school on Friday, getting the bus to his, spending every weekend there, then going to school from his on Monday and going home after school to spend the week at home. So we sort of half live together - I do a lot of the shopping and cleaning for his house while I'm there cause I work and get a £20/wk allowance from my parents and have no bills to pay, whereas he doesn't have any stable income and since his mum left he's gotta pay for the bills on this 2 person house as well as food and stuff for himself and the animals.

So that's the context this is happening in. He's feeling very abandoned and not really coping, and I've been trying to fill that gap but also I Am Seventeen.

Anyway it's Christmas time, and I've agreed that I'll spend the run-up to Christmas at his and then get the last bus home on Christmas Eve to spend actual Christmas with my family.

I wake up on Christmas Eve about 3am because it is BOILING. I reach over and touch his skin and it literally hurts to touch cause he's running such a high fever. When he wakes up I ask him if he's ok, if he needs me to call the doctor etc, he won't let me do that. I get him water and paracetamol and honey and lemon and a bucket in case he needs to throw up but by about 3pm I'm like I truly have to go bc this is the absolute latest I can leave to catch the last bus home before December 27th (no buses on Christmas or Boxing Day).

and he is crying and begging me not to leave him and calling me selfish and saying I don't love him. and I do everything I can to make sure he's going to be ok and has plenty of food and water in reach and then I go.

(I was very right about the urgency of leaving if I wanted to get home, btw, bc it was below zero and snowing heavily and I JUST got onto the last bus at a dead run. and then that broke down in the snow 2 miles away from home, it was like an hour of just me and the bus driver sitting in an unheated bus while the snow piled up and he called the depot trying to get someone to come out 30+ miles to pick him and the bus up last thing before Christmas. Poor guy. Eventually my mum managed to drive out and pick me up and bring the driver a thermos of tea and some heat packs to tide him over until the cavalry came. so yeah there wasn't a lot of wiggle room in that travel plan.)

anyway my memories of that Christmas Eve have always largely focused on the bus thing. but like. the last few days I'm really thinking about how scary and lonely that genuinely must have been for my ex. like. if I'm right in thinking this was after his mum left, this was probably his first Christmas alone and he spent it racked with flu, running a fever in his room and his girlfriend just went away and left him to it. and like. That must have felt awful

and I keep just thinking should I have done something different? tried to get him to my parents' for Christmas? stuck around until the 27th? maybe talked to my mum and seen whether she could come pick me up on Christmas Day?

or like. even if i didn't do anything wrong. does it make me a bad person that I was so desperate to get out of his house and so relieved once I was away? like I just did not want to deal with that?

like it's obviously all moot, it was half my life ago and anyway it's a snapshot of a much more substantive and complicated relationship. but like. It's just sitting on me at the moment. while I flop around feeling sorry for myself bc I'm running a fever.

[callunasims]

Courtlandt Legacy | Part 16 - Outnumbered

It’s 5pm and all the babies are upset! While Caleb was working on getting David tucked in and telling him a story, one of the twins, Vanessa, began crying in the other room. Thankfully Daphne was on it, but the two of them are outnumbered and definitely have their hands full!

Hopefully they can get the babies settled so the two of them can enjoy the premier of their favorite TV show tonight! David drifted off after Caleb’s bedtime story and a little lullaby, and Vanessa settled down with a cuddle and a snack. Amanda also enjoyed her cuddles and snack while Caleb was busy making some dinner to enjoy with the show that evening. Though Caleb hates cooking and he can easily tuck into a plasma fruit or a plasma pack, he wanted to make sure Daphne had a nice hot meal to enjoy after caring for the newborns.

It was at this point, dear reader, that I realized they didn’t have a TV (yes that was a Bridgerton reference, so WHAT?). Anyway, they had about $1k in savings which I am very aware they were saving up to better their home but I believe a television fits in that category just fine! They bought a used TV off of SimsList and moved their desk in front of the TV for now so they’d have a nice spot to watch. Daphne also used the opportunity to adjust family photos, with their engagement and wedding photo by the TV, and a bigger space above the desk to give plenty of room for more pictures as the children grow.

They sat down for dinner to enjoy the Odder Things premier together. Just as they began to relax, Vanessa started to cry again. They should’ve anticipated the dirty diaper! And of course, right on cue, Amanda began to cry for a diaper change as well. Thankfully they had managed to finish their premier first!

Caleb’s paycheck came through right after, instead of tucking the television away, they decided to purchase a TV stand and put their desk back where it belongs. After setting the new TV stand up and tucking the newborns in, everybody headed to bed. Vanessa cried twice during the night for food and a diaper change but Amanda was rather unbothered by everything. Caleb kept getting up so Daphne could rest since she just gave birth, but the next night, she’s on duty!

It was nice of Caleb to do that, considering David woke up at 2am. Since Daphne leaves for work an hour earlier than Caleb, she decided that she’d take breakfast duty that morning. Poor David was so cranky after waking up hungry! He’s a little smelly this morning, but they’ll have to take this one problem at a time and food clearly needs to be first with a hangry little man.

She decided to help him try yogurt for breakfast that morning. Fingers crossed it goes well!

He ate the bite and said, and I quote ‘yummyyyyy!’ so he unlocked his first food milestone, and he enjoyed it!

She gave him a bottle to finish the rest of his meal, and then carried on getting ready for the morning, including a bath for David and then herself. He made sure to pee on Mom when she went to change his stinky diaper, but that’s why we do these things BEFORE our own showers. Or be smart moms and keep the winky covered with the old diaper while changing, but I digress.

While all this was going on, Amanda woke Caleb up crying to have her poopy diaper changed. Caleb was happy to get up that morning and give his newborn a snuggle. After she was all taken care of, she and Vanessa drifted off to sleep. Caleb got up to clean up the bathroom after Caleb’s bath and to get ready for the day himself. David was left on his tummy time mat to do tummy time on his own for a bit while his parents got something to eat and bathed. David was having a great time on his own with the mat!

Just as Daphne sat down with her breakfast, Vanessa began to cry. Before she could even get up, Caleb was there with his vampiric speed, feeding the baby. He’s really killing it with the whole ‘Dad’ thing! Since Caleb had a good hand on things, Daphne stepped outside to tend to their garden before heading to work. After all, it was Caleb’s main source of food, and a great help financially, too. Caleb went into the nursery to play with David and found him unlocking yet another milestone!

Daphne earned them $397 simoleons before even leaving for work that morning – the gardening is really paying off! It only got Caleb 3 more plasma fruit, so they may have to consider planting another tree soon. For now, though, they have two crying babies to care for. David has been awake for 6 hours without a nap and is demanding one – and a snack – before mom leaves for work. This will definitely take a load off of Caleb’s plate for the hour he is alone with all three of the babies.

Caleb’s dad instincts are strong – since the babies didn’t need him right now, he decided to play with Maybelle instead.

Daphne headed off to work so Caleb sprayed the garden for flies before heading off himself, leaving the kids with their daycare for the day. However, it is worth noting that there seems to be a bug… with getting rid of bugs. What is that, Caleb? Is your arm broken? Buddy.

The children got home with Daphne, and she and David had something in common – they were both exhausted. That’s what happens when you get up at 2am. Sorry David, but you’re going to have to stay up a bit longer to avoid that from happening again. While Daphne was taking care of Amanda and Vanessa, she passed out on the floor from exhaustion. Thankfully Caleb had just arrived home and could finish taking care of David while Daphne roused herself to do diapers and feedings for the girls. She has just enough energy to do that and get some food, then go to bed herself. She won’t be able to do her work task for tonight. Caleb is feeling great, though, and has plans to work on his programming skills for a while before bed. Thank goodness the twins are aging up tomorrow!

Due to their birthday coming up, they did have to spend a lot of their paycheck on prepping another nursery, but they had a bit left over to fix up the master suite bathroom, too. Daphne turned in for an early night (8:30pm, wow!) and Caleb sat down at the computer once everyone was safely asleep to work on his programming skills.  

Tomorrow the girls will age up to infants, but before that, Daphne and Caleb will have to take their newborn family photos with each girl, and possibly Caleb’s infant photo as well. I can’t wait to see what these two girls look like!

[sexynetra]

🌙👀

🌙- what time of day do I prefer to write? Why?

I honestly do most of my writing either during my work shifts (8am-1pm or 5pm-8pm) or in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping 😂 I feel like that’s when I have free time and also when my ADHD meds are wearing off and I can fully allow myself to hyperfixate instead of getting ready for bed, plus my mind has been coming up with ideas all day anyways!

👀- do I have any WIPs that I won’t let see the light of day? What are they about?

I don’t really have anything long enough to call a WIP (for drag race) other than my current fic, but there’s plenty of old WIPs for other fandoms that I’m not in enough to finish or to ever post. The first one popping into my head is a twilight story I wrote like 3 alternate excerpts of where Bella was a vampire and Edward was a human (and Charlie was a vampire firefighter). Another one is the falsettos one I spent like 9 pages plotting and then subsequently only wrote the very start of even though I had so many huge plans 😂 for drag race I have a million starters that I hope will turn into publishable works someday!

Thanks for your ask!!!! So fun to stroll down memory lane of weird shit I’ve written 🤪

[unravellingsilencehq]

Hi pals! So i’m off to sleep and leave you in the wonderful hands of Brianna, but I can’t wait to wake up to wonderful acceptance day tomorrow. We currently have 19 wonderful apps in our inbox and would love to see a few more so don’t hesitate to drop them on in. Our inbox is closing at 5pm GMT tomorrow before acceptance at 8pm GMT so you still have plenty of time to get them in. 

We have a couple of questions regarding fcs for Lily and Rodolphus in our inbox, which lovely admin kat who wrote those two character’s bio’s will get to when she’s awake. But by all means feel free to send us an application and we can have a chat about fc’s when the admins are available to do so! For now good night from me and i’ll see you tomorrow for acceptance day!

[survey--s]

457.

What are your plans for the day ahead? It's nearly 8pm already so just watching TV and messing about on here until it's time for bed. What was the last thing you cleaned? I washed the dishes a couple of hours ago.

When do you go to your soonest appointment? I have to go and feed Benny tomorrow morning, so in about 13 hours or so. It's not at a set time, it's just whenever I get up.

What did you last order online? Cat food.

Can you see any bottles from where you’re sitting? Nope.

What time do you usually try to wind down in the evening? It depends on what time I finish work, but I guess normally 4-5pm.

What’s something you have been putting off? Hmm, nothing in particular.

What restaurants do you frequently eat at? Local places - normally pubs as they're dog friendly and more affordable than fancier places.

Do you like banana pudding with a lot of bananas or more vanilla wafers? We don't have banana pudding here.

How many books would you guess you’ve read in the last 5 years? Uh, maybe about ten. I don't really read much at all these days.

What was the last message you sent? It was just to Tracey to say I'd left the window open for Benny when I went round. Benny is a cat by the way, lol.

Have you ate anything green today? What’s your favorite way to add greens to your diet? Yeah, peas and pesto with my pasta. I'm not a huge fan of green stuff but like cucumber and peas, mostly.

When did you last light a candle or incense? I have one burning right now.

Is it currently warm where you are? It's about 8-9 degrees which is unseasonably warm for February.

Have you ever fallen out of bed? As a little kid, sure.

What do you like on your hot dogs or burgers? I'm not really a fan of hotdogs, but on burgers I like bacon, mushrooms and blue cheese.

Are you currently listening to anything? I'm watching random stuff on TikTok.

What did you last put in storage? Spare boxes of cat food.

What’s your favorite thing to do outside? Walk the dogs, ride.

Are there any celebrities that you are a big fan of? Nah, not really. I don't really care much about celebrities.

Do you ever watch award shows? No.

Do you usually run out of shampoo or conditioner first? Conditioner. Do you have any LED lights in your home? Yeah, all our lights are LED.

What is your biggest challenge? I don't really have any major challenges in my life, thankfully.

What was the last sweet thing you’ve eaten? An apple.

Do you prefer buying new clothes or thrift shopping for clothes? New clothes.

What is something you need right now? Sleep, for sure. I got my period this morning and it always wipes me out lol.

What’s something you like that is blue? The sky in the summer.

Have you treated yourself today? Sure, I had a lie-in and breakfast in bed, lol.

Have you ever traveled alone? Sure, plenty of times.

What color is your most worn jacket/hoodie? Black or purple.

Who is someone you would like to get to know more? Jade. We met up with the dogs last night and it was actually really nice to get out and socialise a bit.

What toy do you miss the most from your childhood? Polly Pockets! Or this little laptop thing I had that had loads of so-called "educational" games on it. I just googled it and it was a V-Tech one and you can still buy them, hahah.

Have you ever lost something valuable to you? Yes, a few times.

What or who has impacted your life the most? Being born.

Would you say you are toxic in any way? Not nowadays, but I've definitely had toxic traits in the past. But looking bad, I was in a really fucked up relationship and it's hardly surprising that I was insecure and needy.

What’s one of your favorite memories from the past year? Galloping down the beach in the sunshine.

How often do you use a straw? Uh, only when we go out for meals really, but even then they're not really the norm these days.

What’s your current favorite song? Sarah by the Derina Harvey Band.

What are some books you’d recommend to someone? Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman, Alice in Wonderland, Alice by Christina Henry, Harry Potter (all of them).

[mjae]

I missed the third day and I don't like it.

This is about my writing, of course.

I really didn't have a choice. I was up late on Sunday evening because of stuff I had to work on.

Then, yesterday was so busy my work day started at 7am and didn't finish until 4pm. It would have been 5pm, but we were sent home early due to heavy rains. It's still raining until now.

Afterwards, I had a Zoom session starting 6:15pm. It was supposed to end at 9pm, but they were too busy chatting up about random things at the start and during the whole thing that it didn't finish until about 10pm.

As much as I want to build my writing habit, I also want to give myself the chance to get proper sleep.

It's been plenty messed up since Christmas Eve.

Between building my writing habit and getting a good sleep, I made the choice to prioritize sleep.

I don't know if that was a good idea, but sleep is very important. I'm sure there's been plenty of writing and research about it that I don't have to be the one to persuade anyone about its importance.

For now, I will stick to that thing they said about building habits: Don't be too hard on yourself. It's OK to miss once. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just make sure you do not miss twice in a row.

So, that's what I'm trying to do right now.

That Zoom is still happening. We're going to have sessions until Saturday. It's a training, after all. It wasn't gonna end after one night.

Normally, I shouldn't be doing this because writing about something else while being in the middle of training is not a good idea. I'll be missing a lot if things if it was that kind of training.

It's not, though. The content that is being shown right now is not something that I will benefit from.

At least, not as far as I can tell.

It's an overview of an app that I am already using.

Frankly, I didn't think it will be like this.

Then again, it is supposed to be a beginner-friendly training.

I suppose it makes sense.

I'll talk more about that training when I can.

For now, I'll have to leave it here.

Hopefully, I'll have more time for this tomorrow.

Or, at the very least, I hope I won't have to write during the session.

[emptymanuscript]

Stressing that this all based on things I vaguely remember hearing from other people and I have no actual scientific background, I just like to listen to people who do while paying imperfect attention:

Natural Circadian rhythm is significantly longer than 24 hours if I recall correctly. That's why being on the internet in bed is bad for you. Because your body uses light to reset your internal clock to the correct time. The blue light wavelengths on our screen is what our body uses to cue itself that it is daytime and so we shouldn't be tired.

Naturally, we get those same wavelengths from sunlight. So every time the sun comes up, it resets our circadian rhythm. As this repeats ad nauseum we get in the habit of just thinking of our rhythm actually being 24 hours but take away the cues and the results show it isn't.

We stay up later than we should with our screens. And if you take away the cues we start to shift on our cycle. Take away all cues. Such as no change in light source or intensity, and we start to go on our natural circadian rhythm.

Again, if I remember correctly, the natural rhythm is approximately 36 hours. It's not perfect. You slide a little bit as you adjust but you'll eventually completely decouple from the 24 hour day. I also believe I recall that the 36 hour day without light cues is fairly normal for most mammals. But less sure about that.

Which means, again assuming I haven't diverged from the facts, that any amount of natural light that can reset us should work, so long as it grants us enough time to get the sleep we need and so long as it doesn't exceed the actual circadian rhythm.

I don't think we could adjust terribly well to anything shorter than an 8 hour cycle, 4 hours asleep, 4 hours awake. And we'd probably break somewhere around the 35 hour mark because of the limit of the cycle. And that is quite a restriction given the natural variances. There's also not a guarantee that the particular wavelengths of light of a particular star would cue us, even if the timing was right. I know it is a decent range, not just one particular wavelength, but it is still specific wavelengths. So the wrong color star might limit us as much as the rotation of the planet.

However we could certainly make artificial cues very easily. We already do. A good seal on window light and a good artificial light will knock you off the daylight clock very easily. Back when I lived alone it usually took me about a month to slip into sleeping from about 8 am to about 5pm because of so little real light creeping in to my perceptions. And it would take me maybe two to three weeks to purposefully reset onto the real world clock so I could get to stores when they were open.

We also already use plenty of drugs to alter the cycle. A little caffeine can go a long way. So maybe that could push us over.

I have no idea about bioengineering. I assume it is absolutely possible withing some range, I just don't know what needs changing or how much. I would assume you would need to bioengineer it if you hit a world with less than a three hour night. I think I recall reading that less than two full sleep cycles (3 hours = 180 minutes = 2 x 90 minutes for a full sleep cycle) is extremely deleterious to human health if it happens too often in a row. I'd suspect we need more. But 8 hours isn't true at the high end. It depends a lot on the person and their age. Younger people TEND to need more sleep than people 30 and older. And I wanna say around 60 or so, the amount of sleep you need (at least at a single time) reduces again if you have ideal health. Something like that. Poor health and overwork drive the need for sleep up, so the night would need to be longer depending on the lives of the colonists.

Given enough time, we should be able to adapt to anything. But how much time I am also not sure about. I have heard that there is a minimum and maximum amount of safe mutation, measured in generations. I do not remember what they are though. Just that more mutation than the minimum and the species will die out / mutate out of existence, and that at the maximum the species will have mutated anyway without selection pressure because there does seem to be some kind of clock built in, in some way that we don't quite understand yet. Or at least not anyone who gets on to talk to laypeople like myself. But I don't think either side is a convenient number. I'm fairly certain that the minimum is more than one and that the maximum is simply not a reasonable time frame with as long as human generations are. Still, with bioengineering, good old fashioned mechanical engineering, and drugs we shouldn't have to be stuck with those limits. And there are hormonal epigenetics, too, maybe we're lucky in this case and how much sleep you need might need might be affected by that. Don't have any actual idea though.

Most of what I've been hearing lately is support for the rare Earth hypothesis, that we might actually not find a lot of suitable planets for ourselves. But everyone is also carefully hedging their bets. So, who knows. Even if it doesn't explain why we don't see anybody, it might still limit us to where we could settle.

We would probably want to get fairly close just to make it easier and to avoid the temperature and weather problems of significantly different rotational and orbital speeds. But I know even less about that.

So, something I'm really curious about with regards to circadian rhythms:

Humans (not sure about other animals) can usually adjust to cycles that are close to 24 hours. I think I remember reading about three hours either way? I'm not 100% sure, I could be mistaken on this (or possibly even remembering outdated research). But at any rate, not too terribly far from 24 hours

So, suppose that we do actually manage to achieve interstellar travel and settle new planets. It's quite likely that there'll be planets that are pretty suitable to humans, except that their rotational period is not very close to Earth's. For example, you might have a planet with, say, an 18-hour day, or a 30-hour day, or whatever. An otherwise perfect planet that just doesn't work with our sleep cycles

Could we adjust to that? Like, maybe the initial colonists would be stuck in a kind of permanent jetlag, but what about their children, born after landing? Do we have any idea how flexible an infant's circadian rhythm would be? Would an infant raised in an 18-hour day naturally develop an 18-hour circadian rhythm? Or would they still be stuck with their ancestors' 24-hour period? For that matter, do we even know for sure that adults wouldn't be able to eventually adapt to different day-lengths after several years?

Or would we really be restricted to planets with a relatively narrow range of rotational periods? (Or perhaps forced to use genetic engineering to change that biological cycle)

[yelenasdiary]

The Third Widow || Tossing & Turning

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff X Fem! Belova! Reader.

Summary: Y/n Belova is the younger biological sister of Yelena Belova and the adoptive sister of Natasha Romanoff. Saved from Red Room by Melina & Alexei she now must adjust to a new normal. Going to school, recovering, and finding love in the eyes of another troubled teen, Wanda Maximoff. All while General Dreykov has his eyes set on claiming back what he calls his most powerful ‘widow’.

PTSD | Flash backs | Violence | Mention of guns | 5.2K

Notes: Flashbacks are bold, italic and start with ‘~’ | Written in second person.

Translations: сестра (sister)

The Third Widow Masterlist

Two weeks ago, you were moved from the small, rented apartment to the house that Melina and Alexei called home. Yelena helped turn the spare bedroom into a room you could decorate any way you liked, currently it was bare. The walls were white, the queen-sized bed was much bigger than the single bunk you had in Red Room, a black desk was set up besides the window with books and a cup of pens along with a few notebooks, there was a built-in wardrobe that held some of Yelena’s old clothes that no longer fitted her growing body. Melina promised to take you shopping for clothing you liked once you were settled in. 

You were given a brand new mobile which Yelena was keen on helping you set up. “The internet has so much crap on it, I’m sure you’ll find plenty of things you’ll like” she smiled as she gave you the tutorial of the device even though it held no interest to you. 

At night, you struggled to sleep and often spent the night tossing and turning, trying to shake the memories of the Red Room as they clouded your mind. 

“This is your home!” Dreykov’s voice replayed over and over. “You belong to me! Nobody is looking for you, nobody cares for you, your parents gave you to me” his voice would go on as tears would fill your tired eyes. 

By morning you were too mentally and physical drained to move or show any signs of care for the day. Yelena was sent back to school halfway through your second week here, she’d been gone from 7:30am and be back by 5pm. Sometimes Melina caught you waiting by the window in your room for her to return just so you could feel safe once again. Natasha tried to interact with you, but you kindly asked her to let you be as you looked out the window of the two-story house. 

Melina knocked softly on your door causing you to look over your shoulder at her. “Can I come in?” she asked, you nodded. She took a seat on the edge of your freshly made bed. “I’ve been talking to Alexei” she starts to speak as you turned on the spinning desk chair to face her, “we were thinking maybe you’d like to go to school?”

“School, like where Yelena goes?” you asked. 

“Yeah, you could go to the same school. You won’t be in the same classes as her, but she’ll be there” she explains. “You could meet more people your age, make some friends” she adds. 

“And I would be gone all day, like Yelena?”

Melina nodded, “I don’t recommend you have a full day right away; we could work you up to that” 

You knew what a school was, but you wondered if it were any different to the school Red Room had you in. A single room with desk, an elderly woman stood confidently at the front with a whiteboard marker and book while the rest of the widows followed along in their thick textbooks. The topics taught where surely not those that would be taught in a ‘normal’ school you thought. 

“But only you feel like you can handle it” Melina’s voice broke your thoughts. 

“W-what if I…” you paused and looked down at your hands as they gently rested in your lap, “what if, what if I’m different?” you stuttered. For the first time in your life the normal worries of a teenage girl started to show. 

“We are all different” Melina reached for your hands, “Nobody is the same. Will school be difficult at times? Yes. Will you enjoy going? That’s for you to find out. Honey, school is supposed to make you have a love or hate relationship” Melina goes on to explain, “you can either love school and really make the most of it or you can hate it and wish to never return. Those feelings are normal, everybody who attends school feels the same at first” she adds. 

Normal. Another word with a foreign meaning to you. 

“Does Yelena enjoy it?” your eyes travelled to meet Melina’s once more. “Ehh” she shrugged, “she’s Yelena about it” she adds with a chuckle. You weren’t sure what she meant by that or why she found it funny. “But like I said, we could work you up to a full day. First, we’d go speak to the principle, Mr Strange. From there we work out a timetable that will best suit you, we inform him of your moments and what to when you have one and how to help you feel safe in their care when that happens. But whatever happens, if you want to come home you just have to tell them, and they’ll call Alexei or myself and we’ll come pick you up” 

Your body instantly tensed up at the mention of your ‘moments’. Almost like your nightmares, you experienced what felt like an out of body experience. Your mind drifted far enough that you believed you were back in Red Room. Melina quickly linked this back to a form of PTSD and did her own research on how best to help you in those moments. She noted it was best to not physically touch you in these dark moments. Alexei learnt that the hard way one night when it was his turn to watch over you, he placed a hand softly on your shoulder which caused you to lash out and defend yourself. The two of you fought, Alexei taking every punch and kick you threw his way, he didn’t fight back, he waited until it wore you out and you almost instantly passed out in his arms. 

To get you out of these moments involved a lot of grounding techniques. Melina would get you to smell the fresh bunch of flowers she brought every few days and noticed that the smell of lavender worked faster in bring your back to the here and now. Sometimes she’d get you to hold objects that had a lot of texture and coach you to explain what you were physical feeling in your hand. Other times when you were too far gone in your moments the only thing that help was getting you into a cold shower. These moments drained you mentally and physically, leaving you tired and scared. 

Melina tried to work out what triggered these moments for you, sometimes it was a simple as lack of sleep, different smells or sounds, the colour red had to be avoided along with juice boxes. Red Room was all you knew. You’d been there shy of your first birthday, the outside world felt like an entire new world to you so sometimes just being too overwhelmed also set you spiralling into one of your dark moments. Over time, Melina was able to see the signs of you starting to drift and would quickly offer you to spell the flowers or different herbs and spices that were in the cupboard or offer for the two of you to go to a short walk to the park down the street that was home to many different types of wildlife. 

“How about you think about it and when you’re ready we can talk about it some more?” Melina suggested when she didn’t get a reply, you nodded. 

Once Melina felt your room, you were back to looking out the window. Watching the many different species of birds fly by or sitting in the trees that surrounded the home. Melina owned a few pigs which you found odd, in the cartoons and books you read most people owned a cat or dog, only farmers had pigs, but Melina wasn’t a farmer. Alexei could, he looks more like a farmer if he wore flannel shirts and work jeans. 

When Yelena finally came home you were quick to greet her as she walked up the stairs. 

“Do you like school?” the words flew out of your mouth faster than you could think. 

“Uhm, it’s alright” Yelena replied, slightly stunned at your fast spoken question, “why do you ask?”

“Melina, she asked me if I would like to start going to the same school you go to” you explained, “I’m just worried that I’m too different…like – “

“Don’t even think that” Yelena threw her bag on the floor near her bedroom door, “everybody in that school is different one way or another” she turned to you, your eyes of worry slowly faded at the words of your older sister. “Melina said the same thing” you mumbled. “She’s right then. Look, if you do decide you want to go to school you can hang out with Kate, Wanda, and me. We just keep to ourselves” 

“Whose Kate and Wanda?” you asked, your stomach dropped at the thought of meeting new people. Yelena smiled softly before throwing herself onto her bed. “They’re some of my friends” she said, “Kate does archery and she’s good at it. She sometimes annoys me but don’t tell her I said that” she chuckled. 

“Why would you not want her to know?” you wondered. Yelena was going to learn that your social cues and skills weren’t as developed as they should’ve been by now. She knew that being in Red Room made that limitation for the two of you, worse for you than it was for her. You were strictly forced to feel what Dreykov wanted you to feel, how you spoke was to his standards. You were made to not care a single bit for the feelings of others, those around you or your own for that matter. You were trained to be honest, never caring how badly honesty hurt others. 

“Because it might hurt her feelings. I mean, she knows I would be joking because secretly I love when she annoys me but that’s not the point” she blabbered learning you more confused than before. 

“But we’re not supposed to care for others feelings, or our own” 

Yelena’s eyes looked at you, her brows slightly frowned. “Do you care about my feelings?” she asked, “If I were upset or mad right now, would you care?” 

It seemed like a trick question. To you the correct answer would be no, as trained but you felt the urge to say yes. A feeling in your heart grew at the image of Yelena upset, a feeling or your own hurt. “But we wer- “

“Forget about that, Y/n. You’re not there anymore. Things are different now, in this world, this life, we have to be considerate of others. Well, that’s what Melina tells me” She sat up and patted a spot next to her for you to sit. You did. 

“You should care about others feelings, especially when they are people you love. I had to learn that. I understand why you are confused; I was too, and it took me a long time to open myself up to letting Melina and Alexei back in.” 

“What about Natasha? Do you care about her feelings?” you asked. 

“She’s our older sister, I love her but again, don’t tell her I said that” 

Another confused look washed over your face. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I’m not explaining this right” Yelena spoke when she saw your look. “Okay, what I’m trying to say is, if you love somebody, you care about how they feel. For an example, if you saw me angry, what would you do?” 

You took a moment to think about it, you’d never seen Yelena made before, so it was a bit of a struggle to picture her in that setting. 

“I would ask what happened?” you questioned. “That’s right, then I’d tell you I had a bad day, what would you do next?” she went on. Again, you took a moment to think about it. “I’m not sure” you mumbled, worried she’d be disappointed. “That’s okay. Mostly, you’d just asked the same question like why was your day bad or you’d ask if there was anything you could to do to help make that person feel better” she explained earning a nod of understanding from you, but it still didn’t exactly explain why she didn’t want you to tell Kate that she sometimes annoyed Yelena or that she loved Natasha. 

“So, you don’t want Kate to know because it would hurt her feelings and make her have a bad day?” you asked. “Sort of” Yelena replied, “I’m being sarcastic. Kate doesn’t really annoy me” she smiled. “Oh… do I annoy you? Like how Kate does?” 

“No” Yelena chuckled, “What do to you do all day while I’m gone?” she asked to change the topic. “I sit in my room” you replied. “Really? Is that all?” you nodded at her question. 

Yelena felt bad for asking, seeing the look on your face at her surprised response. Of course, you had no idea what to do with yourself. You haven’t been exposed to hobbies or things to pass the time, she soon started to realise how much worse Red Room was for you and that fed the anger that boiled inside of her. 

“Okay!” Yelena jumped from the bed and onto her feet, “We’re going to go into town and find some things you might be interested in” she smiled, “come on” she added before rushing down the stairs. You followed slowly behind her, confused once more on her plans. 

“Where are you speeding off too?” Melina asked as Yelena slipped her shoes back on. “I’m taking Y/n into town” she replied. 

“What? Lena, I don’t know about this” Melina worried as her eyes looked between the both of you. “Oh, come on, it’ll be fine. I’m just going to take her to a few stores”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, not yet. Not by yourselves” she shook her head. 

“Mom, she’s with me. I can look after us, you know I can” Yelena argued. 

“It’s not about that Yelena. I know you can, but I just don’t think sh- “

“I want too” you inserted yourself. Melina looked to you and smiled softly, “I know sweetheart, but I think it’s just too soon. Town is a busy place, and we haven’t had a chance to introduce you to that environment yet” 

“I’ll go with them” Natasha spoke from the kitchen causing Melina to look over her shoulder. “It’ll be okay, you’re stressing too much” Natasha entered the foyer. “Are you sure?” Melina spoke softly to Natasha. “Yeah, like she said, she wants to go” Nat smiled at you. “Well alright then” Melina mumbled, “for an hour and you both have to stay where Natasha can see you” she adds.

“We’re not little kids’ mom!” Yelena rolled her eyes.

Yelena sat in the front next to Natasha while you sat in the back watching the trees and other cars pass by. “We could get you some books or some magazines, movies, CDS” Yelena listed. “Don’t overwhelm her Lena” Natasha playfully shook her head. “What? It’s… it’s the first time she can have all those things” Yelena replied. 

The drive to the mall was just short off 15 minutes, Natasha found a park close to the main entrance to your relief. It was an odd feeling but seeing already so many people walking in and out the building made your heart race, you tried to take a mental image of every single person you saw but it there too many. 

“She’s already freaking out” Natasha whispered to Yelena as she observed you from the review mirror. “She’s fine” Yelena mumbled unbuckling her seatbelt. Your palms started to sweat, and your breath started to hitch, your mouth felt dry, and your right leg started to bounce as your eyes flickered person to person as they walked by the car. “Th-there’s so many p-people” you stuttered. 

“It’s okay” Natasha turned in her seat, “if you want to go home, we will” she offers but you were determined to know more about what Yelena wanted to show you and shook your head, “I’ll be okay” you replied. Natasha heard the hesitance in your voice and thought maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all. Yelena got out of the car just before you did, the two of you waited for Natasha before making your way through the mall. Yelena on your right and Natasha to your left help ease the boiling anxiety inside. 

Walking by each store you looked in the large clear windows at the things inside. Most stores offered clothing; others offered home hardware items. There was a music and vinyl store that Yelena mentioned she was able to find her favourite song on record in there, there was also a large bookstore that interest you the most. 

“Could we look in there?” you asked before the three of you walked by it. Yelena didn’t reply, she just walked straight in. Natasha gave you another soft smile and followed you into the store. 

You looked around for what felt like hours, interesting covers made you pick up books and read the summary on the back. Some books really took an interest for you, but you didn’t have any money of your own and kindly placed them back. Natasha kept you in sight as she also picked up a few books here and there. 

“What about this one?” Yelena held up a random book. With all these different choices you started to feel overwhelmed again, your anxiety creeping back slowly. 

“If you’d like some books, it’s on me” Natasha smiled as you looked at her, “it’s okay, I’m sure there is a library somewhere by us, right?” you looked between Yelena and Natasha. 

“There is and there is one at school” Yelena replied pulling a $10 bill from her pocket, “here you can have this, buy whatever you like” 

“Thank you” you smiled softly as you slowly took the bill from Yelena. 

“Here, add this” Natasha spoke, handing you two $20 bills. You shook your head, “that is too much” you said. “It’s fine, Yelena can pay it back when she gets her summer job” she winked playfully. “HA! You’re so funny” Yelena walked away shaking her head. “Thank you” you gave Natasha a soft smile. 

You spent another few minutes looking at books, already having four stacked in your hand that you wanted before taking them to the counter to pay. 

Later that night bits of excitement filled you as you finished eating half of your dinner, mac and cheese to Yelena’s requests. You excused yourself from the table and wandered upstairs to your bedroom, your new books sitting proudly on the bookcase as you got ready for a shower. Today was a good day, one of the best since everything. 

Returning from your shower, you grabbed one of your books, “The Silent Patient” and made yourself comfortable on your bed. You remember being able to read documents and mission files while in Red Room, books were never available so sometimes you would just re-read over the information in front of you just to fulfil that joy of reading, even if it wasn’t interesting. You smiled softly to yourself as you ran your right index finger over the title of the book before opening to the first page. Within minutes your thoughts and worries were gone as you dived into the book, a real book. 

You had a talent for reading fast, other widows made sure to comment on that whenever they couldn’t be bothered reading the mission file in front of them. 

~ “Y/n, you should read it. You’re so much faster than us and that way we can get a head start” spoke one of the widows in your team. 

“Yeah, save us the time” spoke another. 

You sighed before opening the file “Name” ~

Melina stood in the frame of your bedroom door and watched you read for a while, not a single nose distracted you from the pages in front of you as you read page by page, smiling softly to yourself every time you turned the page. 

“You like to read?” Melina asked. You took a mental know of where you were up too before looking up from the book. “I do, this is the first book I have been able to read” you explained unable to hide the smile tugging at your lips. “We’ll I’m glad you found something, and you had a nice time with Yelena and Natasha?” she made her way into your room, sitting at the end of your bed. 

“I did, thank you” 

Melina smiled at your answer, “Would you like to go to another bookstore tomorrow? I know one that’s a lot bigger than the one Natasha took you too. Maybe we could get enough books to fill your bookcase”

“I would like that a lot but that is too much, too much money” you closed over your book causing Melina to tilt her head slightly at you. “It’s not too much, you are a part of this family, and I would love to buy you as many books as you’d like” she spoke.  

Family. Another word you’d only really heard of via the cartoons you watched or whenever Dreykov told you he was your only family. Melina noticed the sudden shift in your body language, your fist closed up and your eyes fell to the floor with your brows frowned. 

“What’s going on inside your head right now?” she asked. 

“I…you said family” your slowly looked at her again, this time with a clenched jaw. “General Dreykov said he was my only family. Now I have two?” you asked in a confused tone.  Melina shook her head softly, “What Dreykov did is not what families do to one another” she spoke, remembering the time she spent with Natasha and Yelena before the mission in Ohio came to an end. “Oh” you whispered, sensing she was now upset, “I won’t speak of him anymore” you added. 

“It’s okay, if you need to talk about him, do so. We just want you to know that he can’t hurt you anymore, Red Room isn’t your worry. It’s not who you are” she explained. “I hope you are right”

Melina didn’t have any words and instead shifted the topic. “Well, if you want to go to the bookstore tomorrow you should probably get some rest” she smiled, “it’s already 1:30am” she looked at her phone for the time. “Already?” you gasped, “seems like you were really enjoying that book” she chuckled quietly, “get some rest. We have a bit to do tomorrow” she stood up. You placed your book on the bedside table and shuffled into a lying position and turned your lamp off once Melina closed your door. 

The darkness was unsettling, the silence made your thoughts feel like they were screaming at you. 

~ “Nobody is looking for you and soon Belova won’t remember you now stop your crying!” the back of Dreykov’s hand hit the side of your face causing a slapping sound.

 “Yes, sir. Sorry sir” you stood up straight trying your best to ignore the tears. 

“You need to put your focus into becoming the best widow there is” he stepped back, placing his hands behind his back. “You will do the world many favours” he adds. The screen behind him had a photo of the famous Natasha Romanoff enlarged. “This, this betrayer is your enemy. She was family, flesh and blood and she left us. She broke the rules” he looked to the screen in disgust. “I took her in! I gave her a home, a roof over head, food to eat, water to drink and this is how she repays me” he grumbled. 

“Yes, sir!” you spoke, the image of Natasha burnt into your mind. ~

Lying in bed with your eyes glued to the ceiling while your thoughts and memories attacked you harshly became impossible to ignore. Sitting up and looking out the window, the moon light shining bright, the tress blew peacefully with the wind, the sounds of crickets and other bugs filled in the white noise. You quietly tip toed downstairs and grabbed a glass of water, the microwave time reading 3:28am as you rolled your eyes. 

You walked up to the back sliding doors as you drank your water, watching the pigs walking around in their pen in the dark, sighing to yourself. There were things you didn’t tell Melina with hopes it was just a phase and the side effects would eventually disappear, but they hadn’t. Dreykov never told you honestly what he tested on you, what he poked and what effect that would have on you, you were left to work that by yourself. 

In the distant, threw the dress you could see, as if you were wearing body heat goggles, the heat of another person. You were able to use this during night-time. You assumed Dreykov thought it would be handy to have his widow’s see perfectly at all times. Your hearing was also enhanced and like Natasha and Yelena you heal faster than average humans. 

The figure moved slightly into the bushes, the moon lit the yard up well enough for you to see a fair distance as you slid the door open and took a step outside. Your eyes tracking the moment of the body temperance in the distance. You didn’t fear what was a head, you felt it calling you towards it, whatever it was. Walking by the pigs made them follow you, walking along the fence line of their pen. 

Melina woke up to her security alert pinging, grabbing the large iPad like device from her bedside table to check what was happening. A red dot alerted her somebody was by the pig pen, she kicked Alexei awake showing him the screen. “I’ll get the rifle” she got out of bed and walked down to her hidden room of equipment and weapons without waking Natasha and Yelena. Alexei followed down the stairs, grabbing a handgun from Melina before they both quietly made their way outside. 

By now there were only a few steps between you and the heat signature you could see. 

“I know you’re there” you whispered but now answered, flashes of light reflected from the trees in front you. The heat signature faded, you turned around and saw two torch lights coming towards you. “Y/n? What are you doing out here?” Melina lowered her rifle once she could a clear view of you, Alexei turned his torch off and placed his handgun behind his back. You turned back to the heat signature that was nowhere to be found. 

“Y/n, come back inside” Melina said with a hint of worry. You frowned as you looked back at the two adults, “they were right there! You scared them off” you huffed. 

“Who?” Alexei asked. 

“I... I don’t know who…but they were there, I could see them, I saw them from the house” 

Melina looked between you and the distance of the house, “you saw somebody all the way over here?” her brows frowned. You avoided looking at them, their body heat was too bright for your eyes. You sighed, “I didn’t want to say anything” 

“Say what, honey?” Melina placed a hand gently behind your back, leading you back to the house. “I…I can see heat temperatures…there was somebody there, I’m not making it up!” 

“It’s okay, we believe you. Let’s just get inside and talk about it” Melina sent a concerned look towards Alexei who stood in his tracks and turned around to check if anything was left behind or footprints.

Once inside Melina turned on the living room light causing her heat temperature to fade to your relief. “How long have you known about this?” she asked. You shrugged, “I woke up with it one night…in red room. I can only see it at night or in dark places”

“And you saw somebody out by the trees tonight?”

You nodded. 

“Why did you go out there by yourself? Y/n, you should’ve spoken to us” Melina sat on the edge of the coffee table, leaning towards you as you sat on the sofa. “They didn’t seem like a threat, I just wanted to see what they were doing…it felt like they were calling me” you tried to explain, “I’m sorry” your eyes fell to your feet. 

“Don’t be sorry, you can’t help this, you didn’t ask for any of this” Melina spoke, “But if there is anything else you’ve noticed, you can tell me” 

Slowly lifting your head to look at her once again, you nodded. “I know for a fact I have enhanced earing…sometimes I can hear conversations happening a house away. At first it caused so many headaches, well that was when you and Alexei found me, but I’ve learnt to tune out a lot of background noises” you explained, “but that’s all I’ve noticed”

Melina sighed and placed a hand on your knee, “I’m sorry” she spoke softly, “I know this isn’t easy for you or the girls, or us but I didn’t know that he wasn’t even going down that path”

You knew little of Melina’s background with Dreykov even though she was somewhat famous among the Widows. 

“It’s not your fault” you replied, “is it okay I go back to bed? Its late and I still really want to go to the bookstore tomorrow if we still can” 

“Of course, we’ll go before lunch” she spoke as you stood up not wanting to continue anymore Red Room conversations. “Also” you said before you left the living room, “I think I would like to try going to school”. Melina smiled softly, “I’ll talk to the principle in the morning”. 

Alexei locked the back door and shook his head at Melina, “there was nothing out there” he said. Melina shushed him and grabbed the first pen and wrote on a scrap piece of paper, “she has enhanced earing, we can’t talk about her while she’s around”.

You watched the lights being turned off while lying in bed, the shadows of Alexei and Melina’s footsteps passing your bedroom door before you closed your eyes, trying once again to ignore the darkness of your memories and voice of Dreykov. 

“Stop! Please” you whispered to yourself, “please!” tossing and turning, kicking the covers off in frustration. Yelena quietly opened your door, “Psst, are you awake?” she whispered loud enough for you to hear. “Yeah” you mumbled. 

“What happened?” she closed the door quietly behind her, rubbing her tried eyes. 

“Nothing I just can’t sleep” you huffed in frustration, “I can never sleep anymore!” 

“Move over” Yelena sat on your bed before you shuffled to the other side, “if you tell anybody about this, I will make life hell for you” she mumbled, you knew she didn’t mean it. 

“What are you doing?” you asked as she laid down and gently pulled you closer to her, “my nights used to be the same” she admits, “you hear his voice, right?”. 

You nodded, “every night I hear him, I see him, I can’t escape it”.

Yelena gently placed her arm around you, “it takes time” she spoke, “but I won’t let him take you away again” 

You relaxed more with Yelena beside you, her softness was barely shown but you always felt safe when she was around, and her words had meaning, security, love. “I promise” she whispered before you heard her soft snores. 

“I love you сестра” you whispered ever so softly before closing your eyes, finally falling asleep in peace. 

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