#it’s a fucking enigma im goddamn telling you

[granddelusions]

SHADES OF COOL (JOHN FRUSCIANTE)

“but i can’t fix him, can’t make him better… and i can’t do nothing about his strange weather” - lana del rey

warnings: SMUT! ANGST! INFIDELITY! JOHN BEING AWFUL! (ily john im sorry) 18+ !!!!!!!!

it’s no surprise you were in john’s bed after all the names he called you.

no matter how many times in those 4am phone calls he called you a bitch or “crazy” — his favorite — you still ended up underneath him, his greasy dark hair glistening with sweat, his chain hanging right in your face as he thrust his cock into you.

it’s no surprise that john put his pleasure before yours; you’ve gotten used to it by now.

before, the way you came around his fingers or on his cock was a sight to behold in his eyes. john would have you writhing on the bed, crying out his name so loud the other boys would pound on the walls in their hotel rooms, whistling and shouting. he’d fill you up, watching your eyes roll back in your head as his cum leaked out of you and onto the nice fitted sheets. he’d clean you up and take you in his arms, holding you tight and rocking you gently as you both drifted off to sleep.

now, he’ll have you on his lap backstage 10 minutes before a gig, barely warming you up with his fingers, finishing on your chest with no passion, no concern, no love. you’ll sit there, ridding yourself of the stickiness around your breasts, wondering what went wrong. you’d weep while he played his set with zero concern about his crying girlfriend backstage.

he would love when you would visit him on tour; you had the time of course, as he supported you and made sure you never had to work a day in your life as long as you were with him.

but in this present moment, as you cried out john’s name, holding onto the bedframe and feeling the pressure building up inside you, you realize just how little those visits did in terms of your relationship — if you can even call it that anymore.

with your visit to vegas — he still would have gone out the night after you left and flirted with those fans.

with your visit to new york — the guys still would have taken him to that club where he met that girl — the girl who vaguely resembled you and who john referred to the boys as “a goddamn enigma”. this rung a bell in anthony’s mind because he said the same thing about you just two years prior.

the guys had the heart to tell you he took that girl back to his hotel room. you forgave him as he cried in your arms, chalking it up to how depressed he’s been with the monotonus tour life. through his sobs, he wanted you to know that you were his girl, that it will never happen again.

his girl.

you snapped back to reality as he grabbed your face, your eyes interlocking.

“my girl, my good fucking girl… say it.”

and as the two of you finally came, you buried your face in the crook of his neck, salty tears streaming down your face. tears of pleasure and pain.

“i’m your girl.”

[ode2rin]

hi! i love you (too)! i am indeed here with my questions after your ask....so buckle up.😁

okay firstly. PLEASE TELL ME IF I NEED CALCULUS FOR PSYCHOLOGY BC IM LITERALLY GOINF TO CRY. i know the neuroscience part of psych is completely different than the research parts of it and im not sure if that's the one you take.....but is it super calculation related or is it mostly subjective 🧐

how is psychology in general??? like what do you mostly learn?? is it stats or parts of the brain or maybe you focus on experiements??

what kinds of assignments do you get? im sure the work is completely different from my level so im sorry if this is a hard one to answer BUT IM SO CURIOUS HELP.

last one! (for now...) what's your favorite thing(s) you've learnt from psych so far?😇please do share because i will go insane learning anything new

HELP IMSORRY IT'S SUCH A LONG ASK BUT IM TOO CURIOUS FOR MY OWN GOOD

you are so lucky i love you despite slandering rin ANYWAY HERE IT GOES

i'm relatively good (i like to believe so) w some maths but i fucking suck at calculus so i understand the need to ask that xD,, safe to say that the last time i saw that bitch was back in highschool so nope! no calculus here (psych stats and some natural science subjects will be your enemy tho if you really loathe calculations and such but we'll get more on that later!)

regarding if it's heavy w calculations, it depends! in my uni, there are 2 tracks for this bachelor's, either you go arts or science (i'm in this) BA psych is basically leaning more on humanities and BS psych have science units (physics, biochem, anaphysio). both of them still have the core majors of psych such as abnormal psych, theories of personality, and that includes: psychology stats (sorry bub you can't escape her she's a persistent one)

psychology stats is imperative in both tracks because psychology is heavy in research. and stats is gravely used in them.

also if you're interested more on going law afterwards, BA will cater your interests more and that even saves you from these heavy sciences (they're the bane of my existence)

how is psychology in general??? like what do you mostly learn?? is it stats or parts of the brain or maybe you focus on experiements??

psych is grounded on physiology and philosophy. if i were to describe it, it's having both of the best worlds if you love humanities and arts but still love to gain some science on the side. we def learn about the brain! not only anatomically but also theoretically speaking. the brain is vast world of study, i kid you not. it's an enigma of some sorts, it's incredible and terrifying at the same time. and i wouldn't really call it as a study of "brain" but it's actually all about studying behavior in general. regarding experiments, do you mean those lab ones? for sure you'll have them if you're in the track that i'm in but basically the "experiment" side of this field is all about gathering data using scientific methods.

what kinds of assignments do you get? im sure the work is completely different from my level so im sorry if this is a hard one to answer BUT IM SO CURIOUS HELP.

I SO LOVE THIS QUESTION IT ALLOWS ME TO GEEK OUT for now, in my majors (most of them are introductory to complex psych) most of my assignments are essays and case studies. also, this program will need you to TALK in presentations, recits (some of my profs uses socratic method and they sometimes let students argue abt diagnosis). if you're not so good with talking my dearest puri, dw that's not really much of a problem! with writing though, you will need A LOT of it (which i am certain you'll be killing it in this aspect so)

also don't mind those side assignments and projects i rant about here in this app (example: the goddamn film) those are my minors !

last one! (for now...) what's your favorite thing(s) you've learnt from psych so far?😇please do share because i will go insane learning anything new

there's no day in psych that's not interesting. first of all, i love that we could be in a coffee shop talking about traumas and mental illnesses and none of us are batting an eyelash even tho we probably sound fucking unhinged to those around us xD my most favorite thing here apart from what i learn intellectually, is how profound empathy runs in this field.

once you started in psych, it's hard to see people in a singular perspective. and it's not a bad thing per se, it just makes your interpersonal relationships a little bit more complex to navigate because you now have this understanding of the implications of how people behave. and of course, it goes without saying that this understanding shouldn't be an excuse nor a justification, but whether you like it or not, it gives you an explanation of some sort.

also, being in psych automatically includes you in the movement. as difficult as it is to admit, the issue of mental health is still more of a movement than an obvious problem. i hate that but yeah

(the thing i don't like about it is that it's heavy on reading (oh my god), and as someone who enjoys reading for pleasure, reading these academic volumes is a whole different experience. but that's just me hehehe)

I GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY OH MY GOD i hope this somehow helps huhu feel free to ask more and i'll do my best w answering them!!

[areallygaybee]

.

[mizuritamanami]

What Goes Unseen

Linked Universe Time Warriors and Legend angst to sort of fluff?

They all have secrets. That much is a given, and sort of hard to miss, given the way Four clams up when asked about his moods, how often Wild has to just... stop and leave and come back to himself when they pass ruins sometimes, or the way Twilight vanishes without a trace to go off doing Hylia only knew what. 

And that wasn't even touching on the walking enigmas Time and Legend could be, so sure. They all have their secrets. Even bubbly Wind and soft spoken Sky. Secrets, secrets everywhere, in plain view or otherwise. 

But something about Wild’s Hyrule has been eating away at Warriors for weeks. Enough that Legend has even noticed his change in mood, his disinterest in most of the things he normally jumped at. 

Enough that the veteran adventurer surprises him by pulling him aside to talk in the guise of a patrol, enough that he wears Warriors down with enough pointless questions that the knight just explodes to ask him what the hell it is he wants.

"Somethings been on your mind for almost a month. You're starting to scare the old man," Legend says bluntly, "I didn't think you could top that "launch tree into bokoblin camp and rain fire from above" heart attack you gave him, but here we are. What gives?" 

For a moment, Warriors just stares at him, because firstly, how dare he insinuate that that plan hadn't worked perfectly outside of the landing, and secondly, since when did you pay that much attention to me?

He huffs. 

"I'm fine."

"Uh. No." 

Worth a try, anyway, Warriors thinks, turning away from the scrutinizing eyes of the young man across from him. 

Legend notes the way his fingers dig into the blue cloth around his neck, and sighs, gesturing to a fallen log. 

"Sit," he says, "tell me whats bothering you. If its got you like this, it warrants a serious talk, without pretense."

"Didn't know you knew such fancy words."

"Don't make me take it back and kick you in the shins."

Warriors has to laugh at that at least a little, so he sits, as instructed, and watches Legend plop unceremoniously into the mix of leaflitter, pine nettles, and flower petals on the forest floor. 

He's still fidgeting with the scarf, and the words come slowly at first, then frantic and almost angry. 

"My mother used to tell me, you know.... that there are stories, in the absences. In what we don't see. And- the more I look around, the more I see you- all of you- in Wild's Hyrule. Goddess, you're all everywhere.... but-.... out of the nine of us, there are only eight call backs. Even Wild's got his own legends already. So I can't help but wonder--..."

"Where you are."

"Where I went! What happened? Did- did I fail, somehow? Did I do something wrong? There's nothing left that says I ever even existed!"

"You existed to us. To Wild, to me, and Time, and Twi and the others. Between all of us, there's no denying that you were here."

Legend realizes belatedly that he's only just barely fended off a fit of sobs from the knight, and counts himself lucky and also gives himself a brownie point or three for the save, just before he recognizes the familiar thwacking and tramping of bronze armor against offending tree branches and leather boots on forest floor somewhere behind him.

He feels the heat come through his voice before he can stop the words from coming out of his mouth. 

"Besides, you didn't completely fuck a timeline, then leave another to Ganon for seven whole years, now did you? Too busy cleaning up other people's messes."

Time froze as his foot settled on the line of the clearing they were in, and the pregnant silence in the moment it took him to school his voice into something normal made Warrior's skin crawl it was so uncomfortable. 

"..... T-There you boys are.... Twilight was--.... he was getting worried. I'll tell him you just .... stopped for a break."

He turned on his heel in a perfect about face that made Warriors knight-side a little jealous, but the rest of him looked to Legend, who was avoiding the direction Time had gone entirely. Realization dawned a moment after.

"......... that was cruel, Legend..... I didn't want you to make me feel better if you were just going to tear him down. Or tell his secrets."

"...... if I'm honest Wars? That last jab was more for my sake than yours."

"What?"

"Whose timeline do you think his failure ruined?"

The sharp intake of breath on Warriors part told Legend he'd picked up on all the appropriate cues. 

".... that's one of my secrets, for spilling his to you, I guess. I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to forgive him. But hey, since when has Hylia ever cared what we thought? Probably hasn't since Sky...... the point is, you aren't a failure for having to pick up after everyone else, and then not getting thanked for it. You're like that with all of us, too. Constantly doing things hoping someone will at the least notice. I noticed. All of us have. You're a goddamn hero, same as the rest of us, and the only reason your scarf isn't locked up in a chest out here somewhere is probably because you wouldn't part with that thing if it cost you your freaking soul or something. Duh."

Its quiet for a moment, and Warriors takes the time to look down at the blue around his neck a moment before smiling.  

"..... you should apologize to Old Father Time.... but you're right.  I guess its still all in the things you don't see at first glance- I never would have thought you a confidant. You might find out some interesting things about him if you sat like you did with me."

"Id rather eat one of Wild's disgusting potions made out of butterflies and lizalfos."

"Don't jinx yourself, Vet." 

"Shut up."

~~~~~

Legend was going to murder Warriors.

Don't jinx yourself my ass, you set this up, you sorry-- he cut his own thoughts off to hiss under his breath.

Not only was Legend laid up with Time looking out for him as first watch, but he'd had to drain four of those nasty freaking potions. 

"I hate. Lightning. So much."

Normally, that would have earned him a chuckle, or at least a sympathetic hum.

But Time just turned his head towards a darker section of the underbrush that Legend knew for sure he absolutely could not see anything in. 

Was it the being ignored or the uncertainty and hurt in Time's expression that made his stomach twist? 

"I said--" 

"I heard you, Legend. I'm sorry, I didn't think you wanted to speak to me." 

"...... oh..." 

The simple acceptance of Legend's earlier ire pulled all of the heat right out from under him, and he deflated some into his bedroll. 

"........ I am sorry.... I know it doesn't mean much to you, but... I am. Even the sword didn't think I was good enough, and judging by your reaction, it was probably right."

Legend winced. 

"What kind of bullshit cop-out is that? The sword doesn't make you a damn hero, it just points and grabs like a stupid claw game."

"Success, does, then. And that is a baton I clearly didn't pass to you, that I missed out on passing down peace..... it eats at me, some nights when I can't sleep, that I still managed to grasp at straws and hold so tight to so much good that I got to keep it. And I doomed you. I have everything and you were left wanting." 

Legend stared at his back, the way he bent around the biggoron sword leaning into his right shoulder to be drawn if need be by his left hand. 

"Im afraid I'm going to lose it all one day because I failed you so badly."

"I'm not that pitiful."

"Legend-"

"Look, I'm fine--"

"What was her name, Legend?" 

The air left Legends lungs in a sudden, sharp breath. 

"..... That's what I thought..."

"...... you were ten, if that..... yes, it sucks, and time travel is a pain, but you were fucking ten. Hylia sent a ten year old, let his tree mentor die right in front of him, and then continued to traumatize- REPEATEDLY traumatize- a child. Yes, I'm angry. Bitter and jaded, even. But don't you dare get so self important that you start thinking the blame fits on your shoulders. You're an old fucking man, not a god."

"Interesting choice of words...."

"No. No, because you're just gonna start unloading more trauma. If this is about that creepy mask, then no. That doesn't count either!"

"You're awfully concerned about this particular issue.... alright, I'll let it drop--"

"No, you ten year old little brat in a mentally fifty year olds achy jointed body, you're gonna go the fuck to sleep and stop moping. Its my turn to take watch and I'll be damned if I have to sit up watching you get all weepy into your pillow and trying to snitch Wild's slate to call your wife at two in the goddamn morning. Go to bed!"

Time stared at him in surprise, (the ten year old in him in question seriously debating biting the finger wagging in front of his nose) before Legends phrasing hit him. 

"Oh, I’m going to absolutely kill Warriors for telling you about how I was when we met."

"Brat! Bed! Bounce to it, bunny hat kid!"

"You are the last person--"

"Bed!"

"Alright! Alright! Fine! You're lucky I don't fit those masks anymore," Time muttered, picking himself up off the stump to go peel off his armor and crawl into his bedroll. He was silent as Legend pulled himself into the space he'd emptied, then sighed and smiled. 

"..... thank you, Vet." 

"Yeah yeah yeah. Go to sleep before you wake up Twilight. He has ears like a fucking wolfhou---....... oh my goddess you're kidding me."

"Shhh."

"Goddess I hate you sometimes." 

Warriors, apparently woken by the hissing through Legends teeth, chuckled to himself. 

Its all in the things you don't see, I guess, he thinks.

Secrets secrets, everywhere, but.... together, we're all still here for each other. I can live with that. 

"Good night bratty bunny and feral bunny."

Two furious choruses of "HEY!" were the perfect lullaby for Warriors to drop right back off to sleep. 

Yeah...

He could definitely live with that.

[ovanrie]

here’s a personal longass ramble under the cut bc my adhd brain can’t resist extensively elaborating on every thought and experience it has at any point in time!! read if u want ig??

so i recently found out im like partially colourblind - i suspect slight tritanomaly, which basically means

i see pale yellow or blue as white or gray

i have a hard time distinguishing between similar shades of blue and green (like, i cant tell when its more blue or more green or right in the middle)

i have a hard time telling apart similar shades of red/orange/pink/purple/magenta and sometimes orange and yellow

i have a VERY tough time distinguishing dark colours, especially blue and purple

and like,,,, its just been so fascinating and mindblowing that my perception of the world has actually been different all this time and i never noticed??

like, its nothing severe or anything, and i can still function in daily life ofc since its a pretty slight colourblindness, but its just so weird to me that people can just,,,, see stuff that i cant?? or they see it differently??

bc suddenly it makes sense, all those times when like my family/friends teased me or criticised the fact that i couldnt tell whether a shirt was more blue or green, or called me blind whenever i called green blue and i had to pretend i could see it after they pointed it out even tho it just looked blue to me

and it made sense how i, like, couldnt tell the difference between three (apparently) different shades of red eyeshadow?? like ive been told theyre like. noticeably different. and theyre just identical to me

but it feels so weird like,, people can actually see yellow and purple in the rainbow? people can see yellow in the goddamn rainbow??? bc to me its always just been. a white stripe. in the rainbow. and of course logic and common sense tell me that its scientifically impossible for white to be in the rainbow, but it just is for me and i always figured “oh thats how everyone sees it probably, this isnt weird, lets just accept it, yellow must be some mythical colour they put in the rainbow just because”

and like?? people can see purple in it as well??? bc to me its just dark blue with like dashes of magenta??? like, the rainbow, to me, basically looks like

tiny slither of red - hella orange - white stripe lmao - hella green but also kind of aqua?? - ????? - aqua - dark blue - ??? tiny specks of magenta here and there

and then people tell me there is genuinely yellow in the rainbow?? and im supposed to just believe em???

and like its amazing to me how people can just see yellow marker on paper. like. they can read yellow on white without needing an outline. like i can tell its something vaguely yellow but i cannot read it for the life of me, and like they can easily tell when a message on whatsapp’s been read with just a glance, when i have to stare at the little check marks bc the whatsapp blue is so pale that it looks gray to me, and people actually can see the difference between shit like peach and salmon and pink and light red and warmer oranges and people actually know whether cyan is green or blue or equally both while its such an enigma to me like what the FUCK is cyan

and dont even get me STARTED on the magic of ✨accessibility colour filters✨

cause like apple has the option to set a filter for each type of colour blindness, and like, when i put on the tritanopia filter everything is so much bluer and i can actually SEE when someone reads my whatsapp messages by just glancing at it, or i can see that the emojis are actually pretty yellow and not some weird orange?? and like, in one of the group chats im in on whatsapp, one of my friends’ names on there is coloured purple but i always was so convinced it was navy blue and the filter just blew my goddamn mind bc holy shit you’ve been purple all this time????? and i can actually see the purple and yellow stripes in rainbows?? altho ngl the yellow stripe still looks kinda white even with the filter rip

but like. just. its so weird to find out your perception of the world has always been just slightly wrong and it really reminds you how subjective the world really is bc i probably would’ve forever thought the rainbow just had white in it and that my friend was navy blue in that stupid group chat and now im just wondering what other things i might be seeing just slightly off than what they should be

perception is the weirdest goddamn shit

[trenchcoatkitten]

So I’ve been reading Temperature of the Heart, and you’ve mentioned how you have the whole thing written already. Can you describe what that’s like? What’s your writing process? How long does it take for you to write everything start to finish? Do you plan it all out or just kind of wing it? How long do you sit in an idea before you start?? Sorry about all the questions, I’m just so curious >_

bro!!! are you sure i will scream about writing for days omg

first of all THANK YOU its so freaking cool that you came to ask your questions and that you like my writing, im still sort of getting used to my writing not just being garbage that i read in the dark at 2am and never share with anybody, and i am always excited to answer questions waaaah 

(THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG I APOLOGIZE IM PUTTING A READING BREAK IN CAUSE I WENT OFF BRO, IM THE WOOOOORST) 

my process is pretty weird, it’s kind of all over the place? I’m kind of a halfway planner halfway pantser. I have an idea and usually make some disjointed notes about character and the main idea, in my phone or maybe on a google doc, and then a pinterest board maybe? Something to get excited about, a visualization. I ALWAYS tell myself im going to make an outline first and then i ALWAYS just jump right into writing because I’m too excited/impatient to wait. give me words on a page. give me dialogue. 

Usually when I’m a little bit into the project, when i know that I’m not going to abandon it to the depths off where my WIPs go to die (rip like literally over 300 individual and unique works, this is NOT an exaggeration, you should see my document bank its gross) Ill say “ok fuck you sami its time to actually know where you’re going” and I’ll sit down and make the grossest outline you have EVER seen. like im talking, my outlines are littered with memes, me yelling at myself, actual stuff thats going to end up in the final project, and just general random garbage? its so gross. Ive literally only showed one of my outlines to one person ever (hi akira!) bc im super self conscious of them and hate the way that i write them. making an outline usually sucks up an entire day of writing. they’re pages and pages because some parts will be INCREDIBLY specific and other parts will be so vague you dont even know

From there, when im done with my garbage outline, (after going back through what I’ve written and fixing the shit that was just me going off like a psycho) I usually start writing in earnest. I’ll highlight the parts of the outline that I’ve done and I’ll go back and check it often to make sure im following through on my plans and the character arcs and such, making sure that everything ties in and such. This section is me like. every day getting home from work or whatever and sitting down at the computer and not moving until 2am, this is the section where i forget to eat and I dont sleep enough and i forget to drink water or take my vitamins and I do word sprints with myself and have days where I write 10 thousand words in one sitting. (very not healthy and also terrible i do NOT recommend) this is the section where I’ll handwrite anything i can in the back of classes and at rehearsals because im pouring out words.

during this section I go back and edit ENDLESSLY. i cannot write something and just let it be. I go back to the section I wrote the night before, I go back to the section I just wrote, i go back to the very beginning. I generally dont have to do 1st 2nd 3rd draft this way, but it is much more time consuming as Im just writing. i dont know if i reccommend this its a MESS

THeN once i finish writing the whole thing, i sit down and reread/edit the whole thing once through. this makes sure i have good flow, the paragraphs go together well, the prose feels right to me, timelines make sense. during this time i make ENDLESS paper notes with calendars, section notes, additions, drabbles, thoughts about my own shit. i have notebooks full of just garbage. im not kidding. full notebooks. 

Once I finish that read/edit through I’m usually happy. only once something is completely finished will I consider posting. I go back too much, I add shit, I can’t let go of shit, not until it’s done. While I’m posting - I go through the chapter I’m going to post with a fine tooth comb, try to catch any tiny little mistake, add words here and there, but never change anything large if I can help it. Then i format it on Ao3 (this is literal hell, fuck the HTML editor it wants me to die) and then post it. Deciding to post a chapter to actually hitting ‘post’ usually takes me 1-4 hours, depending on the length, the difficulty of formatting, and how many goddamn links i wanna put in the chapter notes cause im the worst~ (insert jean ralphio voice) 

~~~

LISTEN im probably super extra but I’ve been writing since I was in sixth grade (thats twelve years! time is an enigma and i hate it!) and so I have a bit of practice, i have a bit of experience and while I’m not the best me that I can be, I KNOW myself, and this is just what works best for me. 

As for timing - it depends on the length of the project and how motivated I am. It took me about a month to write Royal (~50k), just a little over a month to write All Might’s All Night Shop Stop (~75k), and just about two months to write Temperature of the Heart (~115k). I try to post every few days, because as a person I hate waiting and I don’t want to do that to my readers! 

~~~

As for the ‘how long do i sit on an idea before writing it’ it really depends. Some things I will receive inspiration or a sliver of an idea and start writing it in the next ten minutes, even if I have to stop working on something I’m already working on, because that was Brain Has Decided. Sometimes I will consider an idea for like. months before actually doing it. I’ve had the idea for FBoW (the newest thing im working on oops? have i told anybody about this NO cause that will make it REAL) since before I started Royal, which was like. Last november. But I just couldnt quite do it for some reason, and it wasn’t pressing. My brain is super broken, and a lot of times I get sick over ideas. I can’t sleep or eat until I’ve written, and I will repeat phrases to myself until i can get them out of my head by writing them down. (Sometimes this is something nice or poetic - “The golden hour lights up the whole world, wiggling its fingers into every nook and cranny, lighting up two people lounging on a bench-swing, someone leaned onto porch stairs with a mug of tea, the space between those walking down a dirt road, a couple of dogs laid out on the deck.” and other times its literally “Ranch Fiddlesticks.” I’m not kidding. i have a note in my phone that says ranch fiddlesticks because I was actually going to Die if i didnt write it down.)

I do wish my brain didn’t do this - but I guess it makes some fun art, doesn’t it? 

WOW OKAY THIS WAS SO LONG im so sorry jesus christ. SOrry i will ALWAYS go off about my process and what it’s like to write. Writing is so so important to me, I LOVE it with every tiny atom of my weak, alcohol-infused, overworked heart. Despite how scary it is sometimes I am very glad to be sharing my work with the world, seeing peoples’ reactions and hearing things about my words, hearing how this little picture in my mind has gone into yours. 

okay jfc im done now im so sorry. thank you again and again and again, a thousand times over, for reading my work and enjoying the worlds that i enjoy building. It makes me feel like I’m worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing something good. 

ily :’)

[dazai-thirst-squad]

Hey, (idk if the question box is still open or no), but, can you tell me how to more thirsty of Dazai? I want to do it since you're more thirstiest than I am.

Ah, my fellow Dazaian, how lovely that you wish to follow the Thirst Rites of our Lord’s wishes. I am His messenger, so I will gladly show you the way to Thirst For Him.

First, you have to picture his godly - no, wait, o t h e r world ly body and think of the en d l e s s possibilities what you can do with it. Imagine him wet -saved again from drowning - and he passes his hand through wet lockes of chocolatey brown hair and his Smirk. That goddamn Smirk, that MAKES YOU WET AND HORNY LIKE A BI-

Imagine that silver tongue, used to deceive and manipulate others, cr ea te magic, that leaves you br ea th l e s s and excited.

(FUCK I REALLY LOVE HIS TONGUE DAMMIT)

Imagine Him wrapping his bandages on you, slowly, se n sually covering parts of your skin as he ties you up and makes you WET WITH JUST EACH OF HIS HANDS’ SHORT STROKES ON YOUR SKIN DAMMIT IM HO-

His intelligence was never to be messed with. Because he is an enigma. A mystery. An unanwered question since His existence. A God who wields the power to make you fall to your knees and obey His every command. This beautiful being made us realize that you can change, as long as its never late. Because even if He loses everything, He wont stop fighting for those who had taught him the good things in life and that saving is a thousand times more beautiful than killing.

also REMEMBER THAT WHEN DAZAI WAS STILL IN THE PORT MAFIA HES GODDAMN SEXY WEARING A BLACK SUIT. FUCK HE LOOKS SO SHARP ALSO IT GIVES OFF THAT DEMON PRODIGY FEELING. FEEL THAT CUNNING, MISCHIEVOUS AURA FROM HIM WHENEVER HE OUTSMARTS HIS OPPONENTS. and remember that soft smile he always gave whenever he was at the bar with odasaku.

remember how s o f t this man can be when he wants to. Those melted chocolate eyes or warm amber orbs whenever he thinks of something that made him smile g e n ui n el y.

This man is always calculating events, every second and minute, he does not waste time in planning to secure the safety of Yokohama.

THE DAZAI IN DIFFERENT AUS OH GOD I REALLY WANNA LICK HIM HIM SKNSKDNDKDNDNEKWKOWNDB

You have to love every part of his body, leave no nanometer unturned. Worship his brain.

Build a shrine.

[bloojayoolie]

Apparently, Books, and Crazy: My bros I have been doing a lot of reading about Wacky wwll Hijinks lately and I want to tell you a story because I ove it okay once upon a time there was a dude in Spain named Juan Pujol Garcia. Pujol was a chicken farmer. Pujol hated him some goddamn fascists See Spain had recently ended its civil war, with the fascists taking power. So when Wwil broke out in Europe, Spain technically remained neutral but in practice was buddy buddy wih the Nazis. Juan Pujol Garcia thought this was pretty buishit so soon afer war breaks out Pujol travels to his local British embassy and goes hey I wanna spy on the Nazis for you who the fuck are you? say the British, and kick him out but Pujol is not deterred! He still wants to dunk on some fascists, so now he goes to his local German embassy instead. "hey" he says, 1 wanna spy on the British for you, I sure do hate them yeah okay" say the Germans "that seems pretty legint and just like that Pujol now officially works for the Abwehr, the German intelligence agency. They hand him some spy gear (invisible ink and such) and instruct him to travel to Lisbon, and from there make his way into the UK So Pujol heads to Lisbon, and a little while later wirites to his German handlers telling them he's made it to England Pujol had not made it to England. He had, in fact, made it to the Lisbon public library, where he checked out a number of English guide books and set about just wholesaie making shit up this is slightly complicated by the fact that, for example, he completely did not understand British currency and all his expense reports were basically gibberish. He also reported things like bribing Scotsmen, because the people of Glasgow would do anything for a litre of wine (an actual quote) because, hey, people in Spain like wine so that's probably the same right? Here is where it starts to get really crazy, because the Abwehr loves this. wow this dude is a great spy they say, because apparently none of them had ever been the England either In fact, they are so pumped about this new awesome spy that the British start to get woried you see, by this time the British had cracked German's supposedly unbreakable Enigma code and were totally dunking on the Nazis by reading basically all of their super top secret- radio transmissions. And, crucially, they'd become so good at breaking and reading traffic that there were literally no German spies in England. The Germans would set up a spy drop (usually dropping dudes in by parachute in the middle of the night), the British would intercept the message and then just scoop the dudes up as soon as they landed in a move that must have been SUPER embarrassing to the spies so there are no German spies in the UK because they're all sitting in a prison run by MI5 (although some are being run under supervision as double agents feeding Germany bullshit). But suddenly MI5 is picking up all this traffic from the Germans talking about their super great spy- a spy the British do not have in their ja ch shit says Mi5, and starts rereading all the transmissions they have to and from this mysterious super spy hey wait says MI5, upon actually reading the shit the spy was sending someone is playing sily buggers, pip pip cheerio At this point, Pujol still in Lisbon, had actually been approaching the British embassy again, repeatedly, but apparently 1 am literally an Abwehr agent and would like to offer you my services" wasn't interesting enough, because he was repeatedly turned away, again It wasn't until MIS started asking around that one of the embassy staff was like "oh yeah we know that guy so in 1942 the British finally make contact with Pujol and he officially becomes a spy for MI5. They move him to London and assign him a case officer so he can start making up even better bullshit and he does. Once actually in London, Pujol reports to the Abwehr that he'd recruted a whole slew of informants- from a bunch of Welsh Aryans to disaffected army officers. He ends up with a network of 20+ sub-spies, all feeding him information from around the UK none of these people actualy exist Pujol just straight up invented like 20 people, keeping careful track of their fake personalities, names, and activities. With the help of Mi5, the information he sends becomes even better- a mbx of true but umimately useless facts and actually important intel timed to arrive in Germany just slightly too late to be of any use. He and his "spy network become the Abwehr's most trusted agents Pujol, now codenamed Agent Garbo (for his acting skils), ends up playing a huge role in the run-up to D-Day, where the Allies mounted a huge inteligence campaign to convince Hitler that the planned site of attack was going to be Calais and not Normandy (this was Operation Fortitude and you should absolutely look it up for more Wacky wwi Adventures). Obviously you know how this ended crazily enough, the Abwehr never figured out that Pujol was a double agent Afler the war he received both the Iron Cross Second Class (which require personal authorization from Hitler), and a Member of the Order of the British Empire (from King George V) unable to resist being totally fucking ridicuious, Pujol turned down MI5's post-war offer to continue spying, but this time against the USSR. o, he said just help me fake my own death and then Im moving to Venezuela and thats exactly what he did. Juan Garcia Pujol died in 1988, at the age of 76 Okay Im just editing my reblog to add this picture of Juan Pujol Garcia because I feel that n adds so much to the story to picture him doing ALL THE ABOVE with this expression What a legend

[spellcastersjudgement]

Jaden nd bastion for that domestic ask thing? >:3c

THE OTP YES i have so many feelings and everyone needs to hear me sob over the nerd baby and his superhero 

also that icon is the content i look for on this hellsite well done 

who is the big spoon/little spoon Jaden is the little spoon!! he prefers being the big spoon tbh he likes curling up against bastions fuckin ripped back but jaden always falls asleep first because he has to get this twelve hours or else he will be a grumpy boy but bastion?? bastion stays up all night drinking coffee and doing god knows what bc he’s the type of guy thats like ‘hey jaden im gonna go read a bit before i got to bed’ and then he fuckin stays up all night because he has no self control lmao so when it’s like 3am and he’s finally put down his book or finished dicking around on the computer he finally gets in bed and he doesnt want to wake up his husband (yes theyre married in my mind ok im love them) so he just lays down and pulls the human kuriboh to his chest and falls asleep 

what is their favorite non-sexual activity the standard answer is Card Games but besides dool masters they like to go on drives and look at stars and talk abt whatever. bastion is a chemical engineer and jaden’s his professional duelist trophy husband so they dont get to be together as much as they want bc jaden’s tournament schedule so when they’re together they gotta make it count u know so bastion will pick jaden up from the airport and they’ll just start driving out of the city talking about DM or what bastion’s been up to or whatever’s going through jaden’s mind (an enigma lmao) and then when there are no more streetlights to make it difficult to see the stars they’ll pull over and lay on the hood and cuddle and keep talking. it’s like 4am before they finally go home and since they’re going to sleep at the same time jaden finally gets his chance to be the big spoon 

who uses all the hot water in the morning getting jaden to shower is a fucking struggle he’s like a cat. living in the slifer dorm made him accustomed to being a generally gross person in general so he lives off dry shampoo and body spray so he doesn’t smell like hassleberry after a workout so that leaves bastion to take all of the water because he showers every morning after his run and insists on h is hair being perfect and well taken care of. like the guy has at least five different hair care products in the shower at all times while jaden, even though he’s dumb thick rich, buys that 3-in-1 crap he and syrus used to make stretch for a month back in college. jaden is also known to stick his kuriboh hair under the sink and shake it out like a dog because he is a gross boy that usually gets up about ten minutes before he has to leave so there’s no time for an actual shower and we’ve gotten away from the actual question but the tldr is bastion stands under the hot water he’s got one of those mirrors to shave in the shower while he’s doing his deep conditioning treatment and has a pore strip on his nose for beautiful ™ skin 

what they order from take out this one ties in a lot to my sageshipping BrOTP headcanons (on god there needs to be a brotp ask so i can scream to the world my love for bastion/alexis friendship) but the bit of background is that bastion and alexis would always order from this indian place that was open real late at night when they were in grad school together (no delivery at duel academy cause its an island u know) so it has a special place in his heart. jaden is a wimp when it comes to spice but since bastion loves it they order it anyway and the people that deliver the food know to make it wimpy baby spicy for jaden so he doesn’t end up sweating half his body weight up and crapping out lava four hours later 

what is the most trivial thing they fight over oh god they dont fight a lot because they love and appreciate each other’s eccentricities but if they’re going to fight its going to be over who’s doing the driving. they both love cars, bastion likes taking it apart and modifying them and whatnot and jaden likes the aesthetique (though his aesthetique is painting flames on a corolla jaden u lil shit smh) and they both like to go fast so when they go out they bitch abt who gets to drive. bastion tells jaden he doesnt appreciate the feel of the machine and jaden says bastion drives like a fucking old man so they end up settling the matter with rousing game of rock paper scissors 

who does most of the cleaning NEITHER OH MY GOD theyre both total slobs. bastion’s desk and home office is covered in his notebooks and duel monster cards, his walls covered with god knows what (formulas, dates, to-do lists, grocery lists) the guy just grabs the sharpie and starts writing because he’s afraid of forgetting something if he doesnt get it down right then. jaden lives in filth he has three day old bowls of cereal at his desk and uses used napkins as tissues he is certifiably NASTY. anyway they hire a housekeeper to make sure the entire house doesnt fall into disarray and she’s like their surrogate mother making sure they eat more than takeout and coffee and making sure the house smells nice. they call her Mama Cheryl (good middle aged mom name) and she’s the embarrassing mom at jadens local tournaments the kind that prints out huge pictures of his face and wears shirts with Neos on them and cheers for her boy v loudly. again we’re away from the question but i have a lot of headcanons abt this i’ll probs put in my dissertation lol 

what has a season pass in their DVR hmmm this is an interesting one…i like to think jaden loves crime shows because they’re heroes and he likes watching the good guys ™ win in the end. his favorite show is psych (which u all should watch its hilarious) but since that ended a while ago he’s been in to criminal minds and SVU because he likes watching the really diabolical criminals get caught. bastion never knew his mans was into such dark stuff until he opened the season pass thingy and got quite the heart attack because he thought jaden was all butterflies and flowers and funny stuff but bastion had to learn the duality of man the hard way. bastion doesn’t watch television that much but his guilty pleasure is vikings on the history channel and stuff on the discovery channel because he loves learning what a nerd 

who controls the netflix queue jaden is the one that likes to watch netflix the most but i wouldnt say he’s in control per se. they’re usually down for watching what each other likes but in the end jaden will sometimes end up superseding bastion because dammit bas we are not watching a documentary about the dead sea scrolls you dont even believe in god and bastions like fine youre cute we can watch Castle (even though thats not on netflix but i wish it were) 

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working jaden. jaden all the way. bastion brings up a a wikihow article about how to fix the hvac system and he’s like I CAN FIX THIS and jadens like ily babe but you work with chemicals not with this kind of thing ur gonna break it like the time u tried to fix the sink and fuckin clogged the shit out of it we are calling Cheryl and Cheryl’s like jaden im a housekeeper call someone who actually does this for a living. anyway while theyre waiting for the professionals to get there bastion tries to demonstrate he knows what he’s doing he is smort by writing the steps and shit on the wall and jadens like youre so cute but no dont touch the heating system. he has to distract his lil nerd by asking him about what deck he should use for his next tournament or what the probability of drawing three polymerizations on the first turn is and bastion loves talking about math so jaden keeps asking questions until the system is fixed (he doesnt remember much of bastions mathematical explanations but bastion looks so cute with his eyes all bright and shiny talking about statistics) 

who leaves their stuff around BOTH they are slobs. jadens a bit worse if we’re being honest because while bastion leaves his papers and cards around schmaden schmuki leaves his underwear and food and cups in the living room and is prone to stripping off his clothes for one reason or another and just laying on the couch watching ESPN with his goddamn pants on the floor and saying they were constricting his knees or some shit when bastion asks why he feels the need to be half naked all the time. bastion had his own room in college so he doesnt quite understand why jadens comfortable just answering the door with a trail of clothing behind him because most people that dont know him assume he’s been getting bizzay but nah he just be Like That

who remembers to buy the milk jaden do because he drinks milk in his coffee. bastion drinks it black so if theres no milk its like eh whatever but jaden is a mess without his caffeine and he hates how bitter and gross it is when theres no milk in it so even if jaden’s not the one going to the grocery store he’ll write it on the wall so bastion will remember it because his mans dont check his texts that often but anything on that wall he fuckin remembers and jaden doesnt understand why he be Like That 

who remembers anniversaries both! they are dumb thick in love with each other and they like to plan little things to do for the anniversary of their first date, when they made it official, their wedding, etc. jaden is much more extravagant and will do something like jump on the bed until bastion wakes up and then drag him out for breakfast and get atticus to sing a really off-key renditions of classic love songs and bastion blushes so hard and its so cute it should be criminal lmao. bastion will get jaden a cute little gift like one of those pictures where the artist takes a photo and paints it so they can hang it on their wall. or bastion will fine tune his duel disk or get him a new card for his deck. they are in big gay love and i love them so much 

thanks for this ask on god i just wrote 1800 words of tutorship feels i have a problem lol 

[starlightbisexual]

Hullo!!! Shy anon here, you're one of my favorite blogs so i was wondering if you happen to have any marvel fic recs? I'm running low and it's summer, so any fic would be appreciated (as long as it's not explicit). Any suggestions? ^^

hi love, you're so sweet thank you!! 

i have about a million fics to rec so this might be a bit long and im gonna put it under the cut. personal faves are marked with an !!!

(when you say “not explicit” i took that to mean they’re not tagged as explicit on ao3. i cant promise that none of these fics contain sex/other mature themes. it’s probably best to always read the tags on each fic just to make sure!)

ofc this list isn’t exhaustive, just the first ones that popped into my head! if you or anyone else wants some more please come ask, i love discussing fics!

those on mobile: note the read more

slide to answer (mature, 6k)

“What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

lonely houses off the road (teen, 17k)

Barnes is now glaring at him for some reason. It’s somewhat terrifying but also, oddly, a little reassuring— because that’s emotion right there, which means there’s still somebody behind those eyes. Somebody who seems to think Sam is being a bit slow on the uptake. “Time parameters exceeded. Mission failed.”

“Wait.” Sam narrows his eyes. “Is this some kind of… report? Debriefing?”

“Mission report,” confirms Barnes, looking pleased. Well, looking slightly less murderous than before.

In which various people deal with things they never signed up for, but at the end of the day no one’s particularly surprised.

i love you like rlb (teen, 3k)

I love you like rlb has become a well-known, accepted and valuable component of American vernacular. The meaning of the letters ‘rlb’ is unknown, but is uniformly considered to be a statement of a great romantic love, commitment and sacrifice.

It was Dernier as first said it. Steve never imagined that something like that could have survived the war and all the years in between.

In which Tony goes insane trying to figure out why that phrase affects the Cap so much, Bucky teases the press, and Steve and Bucky love each other like rlb.

i was found and now i don’t roam these streets (mature, 15k)

They’ve decided to start producing Bucky Bears again, now that he’s all shiny and redeemed and fighting for good on this big Avengers misfits team. “He has a little shiny gray arm,” Bucky says, wiggling the stuffed arm in question, one of the tweaks made in the new model. It takes Steve a second to realize that Bucky’s got a small smile on his face, actually looks a little bit proud around the eyes.

Or, Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds.

roll on (mature, 89k)

In 1938, there’s a bar in Brooklyn called Sully’s where people are safe to be themselves. Behind the bar, a girl pours drinks. She’s always got a big smile for Steve and she says queer like it’s a good thing. On a regular basis, she takes his shoulders in her hands and tries to shake sense into him, saying, “When will you do something about that best friend of yours?”

In 2012, Bucky’s gone, but Steve’s not, and the girl’s hands are too old to shake him. She does her best to make him see sense anyway.

Steve had people who loved him before the war, and it turns out a few of them are still around when he finally comes home.

one cloud feels lonely (mature, 72k, !!!)

“I’m going to take a break for a while,” Steve said quietly, not looking at T’Challa, not knowing that this was what he was gonna do until the words were out of his mouth. “I can’t be on a team right now.”

T’Challa nodded as if he understood. “Alright.”

AKAIn which Steve and Bucky both figure out how to be a person again, and it still takes them over 130 years.

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth (not rated, 18k, !!!)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm.2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.)3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

asked and answered (teen, 5k)

“You should marry me, Bucky.”

“What?”

“You should marry me.” Steve said again. “Sister Eustace said that marriage is the purest form of love, and I love you more than anybody. So we should get married.”

Steve and Bucky. Five marriage proposals (and one time they didn’t have to ask).

1917 (mature, 15k, !!!)

Born on March 10th, 1985 at the Brooklyn Hospital Center, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was named after Sergeant Barnes, Captain America’s childhood best friend, who died when he fell off a train in the Swiss Alps.

In 2008, Peggy Carter donates to the Smithsonian letters Captain Rogers wrote to Sergeant Barnes in 1944—

After he fell.

Some lives are eternally entwined.

to be vunerable is needed most of all (mature, 118k)

Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes.

In which there are awkward longings, meddling best friends, comic conventions, heartache, lemons, video games, dorkiness, dancing and two cute boys.

there should be stars (teen, 45k)

“All memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.But sometimes there were good times.Love was good. I loved your crooked sleepbeside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great warslike ours. There ought to be awardsand plenty of champagne for the survivors.”- Sandra Cisneros

Or, it takes them decades.

fever dream (mature, 9k)

“Buck.” Steve says, soft as he can, so he won’t start to cough again. The light from the stove hits his face just right, makes his eyes light up bright, spring sky blue. Bucky’s head aches just looking at him.

1942, in fits and starts.

they say love is a virtue (mature, 22k)

“I have a bet,” Tony announces to the room. He stands up, repeating himself a few times so that everyone is forced to stop the game and look up at him. He looks straight into Bucky’s eyes when he goes, “I bet you fifty dollars that you and Steve can’t spend a whole week pretend married without realizing that you’re both in love with each other.”

the smithsonian guard (gen, 8k)

Bucky makes a friend.

cross this river to the other side (teen, 14k)

Here is the truth about Captain America and the Howling Commandos that every World War II historian must come to accept at one point or another: we will never know everything. We won’t even come close.

So much was lost with the untimely death of Captain America. While the man beneath the uniform sunk to the bottom of the North Atlantic, the myth lived on, only to grow bigger and more unwieldy as the years went by. Now, it is near impossible to tell fact from fiction, to separate out truth from propaganda.

In 1943, the Howling Commandos wrote goodbye letters to be given to their loved ones in the event of their deaths.

In 2014, Sharon Carter finds those letters in a tin can in an abandoned HYDRA base.

captain fantastic and the pineapple king (teen, 30k, !!!)

Shit.She hadn’t noticed him yet. Maybe he could turn and leave without them noticing – Sam would understand. Sam was the most empathetic person he knew. He wouldn’t scold Steve for coming home spice-less to avoid an awkward encounter with an ex. Surely.They drew closer.Fuck.Please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me…"Steve?”Fuck.In which Steve is saved from his ex in a grocery store, Bucky Barnes is Way Too Chill about absolutely everything, and Sam has had enough of all of these goddamn pineapples in his fucking house.Or: The five times Steve received a pineapple (and one Piña Colada) and the one time he didn’t

haha, jk (teen, 13k)

(A tale of Not Unrequited Love)

Steve: I love you.Bucky: oh no.(and other fallacies)

Bucky learns to never say never when it comes to the effect his best friend can have.

apes debemus imitari (we should imitate the bees) (gen, 15k)

Steve operates a fruit & veg stand at a farmer’s market. Bucky keeps bees and has started up a honey shop just opposite. They’re failing to get along. Steve gets along a lot better with the anonymous friend he’s been writing letters to. In fact, he’s rapidly falling for him.

it’s no coincidence (teen, 109k)

The kids immediately scream, “Trick-or-Treat” before they see who opens the door.

The strange resident looks between the two kids, then at the adults, and his eyes widen in horror.

“It’s October already?”

Okay, Bucky thinks. This guy is probably high.

don’t ask (mature, 21k, !!!)

Captain America and Bucky Barnes were like brothers. Everyone knew that.

most ardently (teen, 9k)

Baron Grant, nothing more than a small, sickly country gentleman with no fortune and very little to recommend him, has just poured a glass of claret over Duke Barnes, a wealthy lord with the world at his feet.

[obi-wan-kxnxbi]

We need to talk about Jehan Prouvaire.

Okay, so, someone on the Ham Fam discord server asked me to tell them more about Jehan. And uh, I wrote 1,500 words about him, so here it is. All the quotes are from the book and are in “” marks!! 

“Jean Prouvaire was a still softer shade than Combeferre. His name was Jehan, owing to that petty momentary freak which mingled with the powerful and profound movement whence sprang the very essential study of the Middle Ages. Jean Prouvaire was in love; he cultivated a pot of flowers, played on the flute, made verses, loved the people, pitied woman, wept over the child, confounded God and the future in the same confidence, and blamed the Revolution for having caused the fall of a royal head, that of Andre Chenier.”

Ok all of this stuff I've taken from the book and im gonna go into some pretty deep analysis of the language etc, ik a lot of people don’t really speak french so im using the english. So, to a certain extent we can see here why he is characterised as being a soft flower child uwu but like we can see his passion in the words Hugo uses. "loved" "pitied" "confounded" "confidence" "wept" all of these words ooze passion and belief, I can't see this soft, scared boy that people seem to love here at all. The words Hugo has used, and believe me Hugo is not the type of author just to shove them in, show that Jehan is angry and revolutionary just as much as Enjolras. He is also compared to Combeferre, this is significant bc Combeferre is known as the guid in the revolution, directly linking Jehan to this role. The guide is not the most emotional of roles, either, so linking Jehan to this might be saying that instead of the emotional flower boy, he's not. Though Hugo does say that he's softer, so that inputs some of the emotional side of things in.

This also shows how goddamn clever Jehan is, he's a musician, a poet, a historian and a politician; as well as being a gardener. How many people do you know who are all of these things? Also poetry was seen as a weapon, there are so many people who have used their words and writing for weapons and I highly doubt it was just Enjolras who was writing the Les Amis speeches. Jehan is so much more than just a flower boy. He's emotional and crazy and wonderful and totally multifaceted.

“His voice was ordinarily delicate, but suddenly grew manly. He was learned even to erudition, and almost an Orientalist. Above all, he was good; and, a very simple thing to those who know how nearly goodness borders on grandeur, in the matter of poetry, he preferred the immense.”

Okay, so the words "he was learned even to erudition" essentially means that "this boy is fucking clever" like mensa clever. Like in Divergent right? Erudite? Yeah the clever ones. This is something a lot of people seem to leave out, they make Jehan so emotional that they leave out his book smarts. Like Jesus let the boy be both emotional and fucking book clever.

"Above all he was good" now, I think this is where people decided to focus. Like, yes lets make him a soft flower boy, and ignore the rest of the characterisation. So yes, he's good, but look at the words after "he preferred the immense" This shows that Jehan is not just good, he's just as into the revolution as Enjolras is. He's passionate and wants to make a change, he wants to make an "immense change".

"His voice was ordinarily delicate, but suddenly grew manly." This is interesting because, it shows the two different sides of Jehan's character, like "soft" and "manly", and also highlights the side that people leave out. Like yes, Jehan is "soft" but make no mistake he is just as much of a man as Bahorel or Bossuet. It makes me so so angry when people leave his manliness out of him as a character, I know masculinity is toxic but please let Jehan be masculine, because it seems to be an inherent part of his characterisation.

"He knew Italian, Latin, Greek, and Hebrew; and these served him only for the perusal of four poets: Dante, Juvenal, Aeschylus, and Isaiah. In French, he preferred Corneille to Racine, and Agrippa d'Aubigne to Corneille."

Okay another whole sentence dedicated to just how clever he is, like Hugo has spent a whole lot of time showing people how much Jehan knows. And these poets and philosophers, as far as I can tell, are not all romantic, I know Aeschylus, he's a Greek tragedian. Here's Hugo, who likens two of his characters to some of the most famous LGBT Greeks ever Orestes, showing us the Jehan knows, this. Jehan could understand Grantaire when R was going on about Orestes, because Aeschylus is the dude who goddamned wrote it (i think, he wrote the Orestia so...) I mean, people assume that Jehan is innocent, he is so totally not. This is Hugo, I think, saying "yeah this guy totally knows that two of his friends are completely in love". Also the LANGUAGES, I speak a few, but I mean, hebrew holy shite, hebrew is hard. Very hard. Jehan knowing it, as well as Greek and Latin just I mean come on, Hugo has spent an entire paragraph showing how cool Jehan is and people reduce to him to "flower nb uwu". Makes me angry my friends.

"He loved to saunter through fields of wild oats and corn-flowers, and busied himself with clouds nearly as much as with events. His mind had two attitudes, one on the side towards man, the other on that towards God; he studied or he contemplated."

This, I think is where people started to see the flower boy thing come from, I understand that Jehan is the dreamer of the group; but he is obviously focused on people and the clouds. I love this sentence, it's one of my favourites in the book, because it shows  Jehan to basically be a philosopher. Not a poet, or rather, not just a poet, but also as thinker. He's a theologian "the other on that towards God", I mean if he'd had the chance, he probably would have become one of the foremost thinkers of the Amis. If the barricades hadn't happened, and if Jehan had had all the development in the book as say, Grantaire, we would have seen him prove himself to be just as clever as the like of Ferre, or Enjolras. Really, he wouldn't be in the Amis if all he did was wandering around picking flowers.

"All day long, he buried himself in social questions, salary, capital, credit, marriage, religion, liberty of thought, education, penal servitude, poverty, association, property, production and sharing, the enigma of this lower world which covers the human ant-hill with darkness; and at night, he gazed upon the planets, those enormous beings. "

And people think that Enjolras is the only Amis to be constantly buried in books, thinking about the plight of the people to the point where he doesn't sleep, really? Jehan is just as much like this. Look at what Hugo says "he buried himself in social questions" people have seemed to steal some of Jehan's traits and characterisation and give them to Enjolras, which in my humble opinion is a fucking travesty. Look at the language with which Hugo describes the world from Jehan's point of view, "human ant-hill" "lower world" does this seem like the language of a naive boy? No, no it's not; it's not supposed to be, because Jehan is angry and he wants change, he's thought about this shit, all the things that the Amis think about and want to change and he is 100% committed to it. He's not this flower child, who loves everything and is flamboyant to the point of ridiculousness; he is a thinker, a philosopher who wants to change the world.

"Like Enjolras, he was wealthy and an only son. He spoke softly, bowed his head, lowered his eyes, smiled with embarrassment, dressed badly, had an awkward air, blushed at a mere nothing, and was very timid. Yet he was intrepid."

This is what made me fall in love with Jehan, because he is so complex, in a sentence, Hugo has given him this philosopher facade and then taken it down. Here is Hugo saying "oh but yeah he was also young and cute and awkward." like how cute!! But, that's not the sum of his parts, he is so much more than a flower child. "He was intrepid" remember that and don't fall into the trap of characterising Jehan as just one thing.

[survivormyanmar-blog]

Ep. #3 - “I Will NOT Be Dick Blinded” - Tommy

Returning to camp after voting Maranda out unanimously, the Fans tribe was determined to change their losing ways.  The Immunity Challenge was announced and it was an Endurance challenge called Sharp Shooter.  Both tribes came up with their unique strategic plans and both had early success taking out members of the other tribe.  As the challenge progressed into the night it was pretty much a stand still with no one being taken out from either tribe.  Linus and Keegan battled hard for the Fans throughout the night slowly taking out all of the Favs as they fell asleep until around the 12 hour mark of the challenge when they finally took out Christian who was the last Fav standing.  Heading to Tribal Council for the first time, the Favorites tribe majority alliance of “The Golden Girls” were trying to decide whether to take out Richie or Gaston while telling the others the fake plan of voting out Ashley.  They ended up deciding that Richie was the best choice to vote out as he is the bigger threat later on in the game.  The vote was 8-1-1 with Richie throwing his vote at Steffen for making him suffer through Gilmore Girls and Gaston voting for Ashley to make it look like he didnt know what was going on.

This immunity challenge is still in and we are in hour 4 and I’m fucking out. Endurance comps like this are made for me and the fact I couldn’t spell Steffen’s name right pisses me off. I am paying attention very well to the faves who are still in this game. Those are threats I need to target as soon as I can. Obviously when I get on a tribe with them I won’t do it so fast but more so Natalie Anderson style. Got my kill list ready and when time aim that AK 47 and boom send their asses out. Steffen’s at the top cause i’m a petty bitch.

It’s 4am …we’ve been doing this challenge since 11pm…i have to be up in like 4 hours…im gonna DIE http://68.media.tumblr.com/392dc0d4e441985657d1572b6ca2abc7/tumblr_ohjn57cUZu1vaedr6o5_400.gif

Me right now in this challenge: https://68.media.tumblr.com/115b4df19a6863f5ec4f42b4b3eb84e1/tumblr_nrxeqavSoh1uafkuoo1_500.gif http://67.media.tumblr.com/1c93afbff2e88c104cd62d06726d9024/tumblr_inline_obxjdkpKfA1rirbae_500.png

I am up watching this immunity competition still go at 5 fucking am crying my eyes out becaue I’m out. Of course I’m gonna be talking game. I told Brett and Keegan tonight i want Linus out over Leah. I know hands down if we loose immunity Carlos is going but if we loose another they may turn against Leah and I need Leah. I trust Leah. So I’m trying to get them to turn against Linus but Brett was being a stuck up bitch and wouldn’t agree to it as he said him and Adrian have Linus under their fingers. Which is why I want him out!!! Like I want my 5 to be having side alliances. Only I am the one to have side alliances. While I’m talking to Linus as well but more so just trying to bond with him so he likes me.

Well holy fuck I’ve been going for like 7 fucking hours at this comp. I feel like before an issue my tribe was having with me was the fact that they kept doing challenges when I wasn’t around so they didnt know if I was able to help the team in that way, so at least that perception has changed. I really don’t think theres any way Im the last person standing in this challenge, but god knows I dont want to drop at all now :(  . The most exciting thing about this whole ordeal is the cave. Advantages are like kryptonite to me, so I don’t even particularly want one, I just want to see whats there. Plus if I get whatever is there, that means someone else wont be which is a plus. Onto the news of tribal, yes!! Everything went just as was planned! I recieved a vote again, which meant no one was actively trying to protect me from Miranda, but whatevs, I live to see another day!! The huge irony in all this is how everyone is worried about Maranda flipping at a swap, yet the tribe has given nothing but reasons for a couple people to flip. Im starting to feel a little (Not a lot) more comfortable with my people. Carlos might be at the bottom now which would buy me one more round, and if we swapped I’m still thinking I stick with the Mata, but still. The tribe were grade A morons for allowing people to feel so on the outs at all. I understand Im playing with a bunch of amateurs here, buuuuut come on! Don’t give people a goddamn reason to be against you! Whatever though, if I can ride this out just a little longer I feel like Im in the spot where I can see where the numbers are. Im really about to die of exhaustion, but I can’t stop now so Ima put on some hard rock music, and Ill report back whenever it is I wake up tomorrow haha.  

So Im out earlier than I had hoped because of a bit of a sketchy ruling which sucks. I understand stand that Kait was trying to follow the rules to the best of her knowledge of what they were, so this isn’t meant to throw shade at her, and I get that the main hosts have to sleep, but I just have to get some therapeutic ranting off my chest (I might sound pretty angry, because I am, but Ill get over it haha, just ignore the rest of this confessional if you want  :P ). I was going hard for this, and this was supposed to be the comp that got the fans out of the fucking gutter, but now we are left with one completely demoralized player in Keegan when I should still be there fighting the good fight. Despite things I’ve said in the past I really do want a fan to win this game (No matter how stupid some of their gameplay is haha). Call me crazy old school or whatever you want to say, but I am for my allies and teammates first, and myself second. Sure, maybe my whole tribe isn’t my allies, but some of these people are, and even though we may not be aligned yet I see Keegan working her ass off for the tribe and now she has to go double time because of this!

Well, we lost, unsurprisingly. I pretty much went in with an “I’m gonna go to bed when I want and see how it goes” attitude so I woke up ready. I’m gonna try not to play too aggressively so early because I don’t want to be seen as a threat until later on in the game, but I also know I want to vote out Richie since he’s a huge long term threat and didn’t pull his weight in the challenge. I’ve got my core alliance and I know that I’ve got Steffen and Sam, so I think we’ll be alright.

ok i’m kinda sorry but also extremely not for falling asleep because i swam well today anyway i’m hoping that within the next 24 hours i get word of a plan. jay wants to vote either richie or gaston which is probably smart because maldives is powerful but i’m really hoping to hear more ability strategy than just with jay!! but i’m about to nap so i’m blessed

After Immunity: The fact that more than half the Mata tribe dropped within the first hour just irritates me to the core. Like seeing that Keegan and Linus, who lasted 12 hours and myself lasted a good 6 hours, it just sucks that people are making us to be the tribe strength and carrying this once failing tribe. I won’t be at all surprised if people start to revolt to get rid of the physical threats before we merge. I’m just over it.

I’m happy we won the challenge. I really couldn’t go to a third tribal countil in a row. Tribal council constipates me.

Day 4/5 Getting the squad to vote MARANDA off was not difficult at all. It required no explanation whatsoever. Unity is required in situations like a tribal swap and they happen as early as the third round. MARANDA would have been a major liability in that case. NEHE postured to get rid of CARLOS instead just because he’s an enigma to NEHE. I have a lot more control over CARLOS than MARANDA, so I was adamant that NEHE see reason, but didn’t want to push too much social capital. Fortunately, as KEEGAN and ADRIAN also spurned MARANDA, they pushed to stay the course as well. She will be a lovely bride. She is a lovely mother. She played this game pitifully. She claimed in her tribal answers that we were petty and gave her the silent treatment and that was extremely laughable. She didn’t try. At all. She called herself a fighter and then she laid down to die. Eight fans remaining with ten still on the opposition. The situation is dire, but not impossible to recover from. No swap this time and ADRIAN, KEEGAN, KRYSTEN, and I all see LINUS as a great potential #6 to our squad–an Edna Ma from Survivor: South Pacific, if you will. NEHE, however, fears ADRIAN is getting too close with LINUS and wants him out next. NEHE told me he hates predictability and that is a major red flag with me. Will NEHE throw a wrench into the works just to keep things entertaining? Will I respond to his cry for attention and pull LINUS in to vote him out for being a loose cannon? NEHE favors LEAH (and it looks like no one favors CARLOS–I did until he proclaimed I was the leader at our first tribal council, a major disappointment). I am very wary about LEAH. If it were up to me, she’d be the next to go because she knows more than she claims, transparently so. The live challenge comes on a Friday night and I, of course, have plans, but with the insane nature of the challenge and my level of competitive edge, I decided to attempt to balance both the challenge and my evening with my friend. That didn’t end up working–I think I was probably the 2nd of the fans to be eliminated. I was picking up cake ingredients at the grocery store and the Skype chat was updating too slow for me to react in time–I could only dodge two of the three shots fired at me. I felt bad about letting down the group, but I know I can come back from this. I enjoyed my evening with my friend, popping in here and there to check on the others. NEHE rashly fucked up even though he poured his soul into the challenge. KEEGAN proved to be a very worthy leader in the challenge and he and LINUS fortunately carried us to victory after 12 hours of fighting. I couldn’t believe how much of themselves they gave to the challenge. It’s incredible and I owe both of them a lot. LINUS far and away recovered from his poor challenge performance from the first two challenges and NEHE has no leg to stand on for wanting to eliminate him. Both LEAH and CARLOS haven’t contributed to any challenge success.

It’s always really funny to see someone who is on the outside still scramble to make bonds with people, despite winning immunity. Like, are you trying to make yourself a more distinct target? Please, take a chill pill or two cause you’re ruining this harmonious vibe.

Twelve and a half hours. That’s how long I sat at my computer during that challenge. It was worth every second. To push through that long without sleeping, without a lapse in focus and win immunity for my tribe is such an invigorating experience. Linus and I broke our losing streak through pure determination. Winning this challenge could be a double edged sword though. We won immunity, I’ve gotten massive respect from my tribe but I’ve also put a huge target on my back as a challenge threat. The only thing I can do is wait to see how this all plays out.

We made it boys! So after 12  hours the final favourite finally dropped, and oops, now Im way behind on my philosophy paper because  I had to sleep all day but it’s #worth! I finally did  something for my tribe, we got some moment changed and all seems pretty good :D . At the cave I found a flashlight down the right path, and I came across a body of water. Well what a lucky coincidence because Keegan just so happened to find some darkness and a snorkle :^) .  Honestly, do I reaaaally care whats at the end of this cave? Probably not, I likely wont be the  first to get there. However, I now have a secret Keegan and I share and we are both hunting for whatever is in this cave together, so that should definitely bring the two of us closer! On top of that we we’re the  two who stayed up so I think we both have some respect for each other. Nehe is also finally giving me the time of day which is good because I get the feeling he’s playing a strong social game with  those he’s close to, so thats another in. Also, if Brett is actually with me like he says, then now if people do push me he has something he can point at and say, no, Linus is with the team and worked hard for us so lets keep him for now! Im back off to my paper, but Ill keep yall posted :D

The bottom line is that we’re gonna try to blindside Richie at tribal tonight. I want to get him out because I see him as a huge long term threat, but he also flopped at the challenge, so he’s very easy to throw under the bus this round. We’ve got the votes. Now everyone just needs to keep their shit together.

Okay so its 1:30 and tribal is at 10. Current situation: Jay told me that Tommy and Sam came to her wanting to vote out Richie. Then I was talking to Steffen and she told him the same thing so I think the majority is probably voting Richie. But here’s MY current dilemma. Gaston just told me him and Richie were talking about voting out Ashley. I know the votes wont be there but I don’t know if I should tell Gaston or not. I REALLY dont want him to be in the dark because i’m totally genuine in wanting to work with him but i’m worried that he’ll tell Richie and then i’ll look like a snitch. Jay also made a comment lumping together the maldives people which worries me because i dont want to appear as unapproachable so while I love Richie and would love for him to stick around I feel like voting him out is the best thing to do right now to show that i’m my own person and not playing for my season you know? I just need to figure out what to do about Gaston cause i dont want him to lose trust in me.

[12:23:28 PM] Richie: Thanks Ting :) [12:23:40 PM] Richie: Hopefully we both survive and we get to know each other better [9:32:17 PM] Ting Ting Shi: yes i agree I waited 9 fucking hours for that shit THIS TRIBE IS FULL OF FUCKING LOSERS ALL TOO SCARED TO BRING UP A NAME! I’m throwing Ashley out there YOLO I was gonna throw out Steffen’s name simply for being forced to endure Gilmore Girls on skype last night. But that payback will have to come later.

So no one is talking about the vote. We were down to 7 hours until the vote was due and I needed to go to bed. So I had to do something which I really didn’t want to do because I don’t care enough about who goes to put myself out there like that. They could literally approach me with ANY name and I’d vote that person out. So now I have to be the douche bag who throws out names. MY PLEASURE. So I size up my fucking loser tribe mates: Gaston - We’ll work well together but if we stick together it will eventually get us targeted. For now though, we need each other. Tommy - He tries so hard to win challenges. Useful. Steffen - is one of the chatty ones in a tribe that’s socially dead. We need people with a heart beat so he’s safe. Sam - He’s a guy. He can’t be voted out pre-merge that would be feminist. Jay - Her days are numbered. NUMBERED!!! But for now she’s fine. Amanda - I get “sneaky chaotic neutral” vibes from her which I like so I want her around just to see what she will eventually do. Ting Ling - I feel bad cos she was first boot in her season so I want her to stay so she can play a bit. Christian - I haven’t talked to her yet and have no plans to do so. But she did amazing in the challenge. Useful. Ashley - Who? Guess I’m throwing Ashley’s name out there! HEEEEEY!

OKAY hi, me again. Its 2:43 now and SHITS HITTING THE FAN. Gaston messaged me with updates saying that JAY MADE A CHAT WITH HIM RICHIE TINGTING AND STEFFEN. Either Jay is a mastermind that I can’t figure out or she’s just cracked. She literally came to both me and Steffen earlier saying the vote was Richie but now SHES MAKING A GROUP CHAT WITH HIM AND PLAYING GASTON LIKE A FIDDLE. So obviously that being said i’m gonna be a loyal ass bitch and decided now was the time to fill Gaston in about the Richie situation and hes pisssssssed. But he agrees thats Richie leaving might be better for both of us in the long run. But he said he might still vote with Richie so i dont look like a snitch to Jay which is super nice of him. UPDATE WITHIN THE UPDATE ITS NOW 3:00 and JAY JUST MESSAGED ME TELLING ME THE GROUP AND THAT THEYRE USING IT TO MAKE RICHIE AND GASTON FEEL SAFE FJDJDKDKD She also was giving me a heads up that Richie might come talk to me about voting for Ashley and i said thanks and she was like “yeah of course i wanna keep the people i trust in the loop” SO SHE TRUSTS ME? AM I LIKE THE MALDIVES QUEEN OR SOMETHING? Why is she trying to mist Richie and Gaston but trusting me? Do i have fairy wings and sneeze trust glitter? I just hope im not actually a target and i’m the one getting misted. Also im curious to see if Steffen tells me about the group or if he decides to be a shady bitch lmfao okay i’ll be back later checking in again

Its 3:11 and Gaston now thinks they’re actually trying to blindside him and telling me Richie just incase i spilled to them. This tribal is gonna be the death of me

So now that we are going to tribal, alliances are finally forming. I am currentlt in two, one is “The Golden Girls” consisting of Ting Ting, Jay, Tommy and I. And then the other is “the hosts attack us” and that is everyone listed above plus Steffen. I really vibe well with Jay and Tommy, and I already know Steffen from a previous game. They are all people I trust, cant wait to see how it goes!! Vote tonight is supposed to be Richie, and from what we have all talked about it looks like it will be unanimous, but ya never know.

We lost immunity sadly, kinda bummed about that. Now we have to vote one of us out and I like everyone here. I like my place on the tribe but my instinct tells me not to trust anyone. My relationships have changed within the past few days, I feel like I’m less connecting with Ting Ting, she’s not so much a ride or die. I really don’t have anyone I can trust 100% on this tribe. So I’m just gonna have to deal with for now, I feel kinda lonely on this tribe just because I don’t feel anyone cares for me that much. I actually feel closer to Richie/Gaston more than most the people I’m in an alliance with but there’s really nothing I can do since Jay/Steffen have control of the numbers so I’m gonna sit back, relax, and try to get on their good side so they don’t feel compelled to target me anytime soon. Lastly hopefully we win next immunity (if I’m still in) because the fans are trying to stay “8 strong” and their tribals have been so boring, I want to see something fun happen to them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34q25IKADvo

okay ugh i made a messy mistake and it’s my first one like god richie asked if i anyone talked to me and i wasn’t thinking so like i said no STUPID!!!! I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY ASHLEY I don’t think anything will come of it but it was a wake up call that i gotta stay woke and trust the process. but i definitely think he’s being shady now damn

I’m honestly so humiliated right now.

Figured I should do a confessional for this round!  The challenge was a good one - definitely more endurance than anything.  I am so glad we don’t have to go to tribal tonight and we owe that alllll to Keegan.  He killed it!  He stayed awake for 12 hours to play.  Nehe helped him stay up and Linus did well too.  I am hoping that we keep our alliance strong if we have to go to tribal again soon.  Bye to a fave tonight!   I also have to get into doing video confessionals again.  So much more fun.  I feel like I’m boring typing out my thoughts in the game.  But the beginning has been stress-free and predictable saying bye to Caroline and Maranda.  

That endurance challenge was something else. I can’t believe that I lasted that long. But that was kind of my plan to start with. Since day one I’ve felt on the outs I guess, so my plan was to not sit out this immunity and prove myself as an asset to the tribe in case we lost and had to go to tribal. Well, we did end up losing, but I was the last one standing. Woo hoo! So obviously my plan worked, because from what I’m hearing the majority is on Richie tonight. Which is great since he didn’t help out at all. Time zone difference or not, he’s never active to begin with and we need to keep our tribe strong so we don’t have to go to another tribal. I feel like a tribe swap is on the horizon, but I could be wrong. If one does happen, please rig me on the same tribe as Ashley, Steffen, and even Jay.

Update: it’s 9:03 as far as I know the vote is still going to be Richie, with Gaston and Richie voting for Ashley. If i’m getting misted and i’m fucked this week then there’s nothing i can do but that would really suck. As always I wont feel safe until tribal is over but we’ll see.