#it’s NOT that serious it’s LITERALLY fanfiction but do NOT pretend like the reason you prefer writing about men is the showrunners’ fault

[kneworder]

all due respect to that one post bc I get where it’s coming from but if you’re trying to justify fandom’s laser focus on male characters by saying that ‘women are written so poorly on TV, of course everyone wants to write about the much more complex and well written men’ I need you to think a little harder. like writing about women is not a hardship. it’s actually so fucking easy. it’s fanfiction. make that shit up. I know you are not exclusively writing about TV from the 70s. maybe consider that half your little guy’s depth of character is inferred and stop making it someone else’s problem that you don’t want to write about women. you literally can do what you want. stop pretending like you’re being forced into it. it’s not that deep.

[waffowo]

I’m convinced that the Seventh Doctor is one of the most powerful characters in all of fiction. Not “The Doctor” but the “Seventh Doctor” very specifically.

He’s incredibly funny conceptually and I cannot get over it. I’m baffled by his existence. He is walking proof that The Doctor doesn’t need to be always just some guy in a box. He has 4 main enemies and none of them are iconic Doctor Who villains. His greatest foes are his own intellect, the literal embodiment of evil, an abstract bounty hunter that has reality warping powers and Thatcherism. Does he fear a God? One of his schemes against a great enemy involves weaponising RPF fanfiction and I’m being completely serious. Every Doctor references 4’s speech in Genesis Of The Daleks while pretending this little man doesn’t exist. I guarantee that if he was in Midnight, the episode ends in 10 minutes. He has either tricked the entity into combustion or has instructed Ace and Hex to batter it to death with baseball bats. The episode runs at full length only if he gets bored but instead ends with a full doxxing of its identity.

I’m not a powerscaler, but if I were, this man would not be on the fucking scale. Do you really think that most anime characters would clock him as the main threat? He’s playing the fucking spoons and tottering around, he has misdirected everyone so hard that people are just forgetting that he still hasn’t explained (I’m only at Death In The Family) why the fuck the TARDIS is in a different colour. Even if let’s say, he’s bisected by Sukuna or obliterated by Saitama, he will come back. Somehow, SOMEHOW, be it one hour or literal decades, he would have resurrected and would giggle and completely wipe your existence from History. Warping reality cannot save you, he has already won. Keep in mind that the only reason that he actually died and regenerated was because he got super unlucky, that even after getting pelted by bullets BY ACCIDENT that what took him out was a fucking defribrillator BY ACCIDENT and also somewhat BY MEDICAL NEGLIGENCE. Nobody is doing is doing it like him. As I type this, I literally cannot think of a way that my favourite characters could actually kill him permanently. Like what do you do if you see him? Why does he just…know things other Doctors don’t? What even is he?

[resident-rats]

Thanks for the tag @goodpointsandbadpoints !!

When did you start writing?

I started properly writing at the beginning of last year, though I did write some not so serious fanfics for my friends as a teenager lol. But I don’t count those hfhhf

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love to read horror, it’s probably 90% of books I’ve read. Though admittedly I’ve been in a reading slump recently, but I read a book over the past few days which was uhhh horror (using the term very loosely) and gay smut hdhdh, so it was a bit of a when worlds collide moment. BUT I have read a lot of horror over the years, and have lots of books that are on my list to read!! So if anyone ever wants horror book recommendations then I’m your guy

ANYWAY I have thought about writing a fic which leans more into the horror genre, but also trying new things is scary <33. Also I feel like most people who read my stuff want smut hchfh - which I’m more than happy to provide, but they are quite difficult genres to intertwine lol

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don’t think so?? Though usually when writing I kinda pretend I’m a narrator? Like the kind you get in RPGs. No specific one really, but that’s often what’s going on in my mind

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Usually either my room or my living room. If it’s in my room then I will have colourful mood lighting and if it’s in my living room usually I have the lights off and candles

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Music usually! In general I daydream a lot while listening to it, and often enough that includes scenes I can weave into a fic

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Usually mental health and self worth I think? In most of my fics Leon is depressed and doesn’t think very highly of himself, not really expecting to be shown kindness? He’s also often quite sexually repressed

What is your reason for writing?

When I started I was struggling quite a lot with a lot of things, and writing kinda offered a distraction/escape from that? Since it’s a very time consuming hobby. And I guess it still offers that? This year so far has been pretty rough in general, but it’s still one of the things which has kept me going. Plus it has brought comfort? Earlier this year I lost someone unexpectedly, and it got me thinking about my own life and mortality. But it kinda gives me a sense of security knowing that people will still be able to enjoy something I’ve created long after I’m gone (granted the internet doesn’t self destruct). Like little bits of me are forever interwoven into my fics

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Tbh as long as I don’t come across as arrogant or ungrateful then I’m happy lol

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Smut hdhdh. Which again is maybe quite limiting as I’m scared to write something which contains no smut. But also it’s nice having a place to put my decrepit thoughts yippeee

How do you feel about your own writing?

I think it’s pretty average, like I don’t think it’s bad but I don’t think it’s flawless. It could probably use more refined plot points and better endings, and sometimes I feel like the pacing is a bit off. But I also think it’s fun, and thats usually why people read fanfiction above anything else. Nothing has to be perfect (trying to hammer that into my head anyway)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

A bit of both. Obviously it crosses my mind, I think it crosses everyone’s, but if I really want to write something then I will. Like the premise of my selkie fic was 100% just written for me lol, but also had elements in it which I thought others would enjoy

Tagging literally anyone who wants to do this!! And I genuinely mean that because I’m nosey <33

[iammissingautumn]

genuine question, in the kindest way possible: why do you like south park? i truly don’t get what the appeal is, especially in a sense of wanting to make fan content for it. i understand that it can be funny to watch sometimes, and i get when people like it casually, but i am continually confused when i see people making fan art and fanfics and intense in depth meta posts about characters and characterization because it’s like. a joke show? it’s all a joke. it’s all satire and inappropriate/sometimes genuinely over the line humor. i don’t understand why there are so many people who seem to resonate with it in such a way, especially because as far as i can tell most of the fandom seems to be very young people - teenagers and young adults. again, i don’t ask this in a mean spirited way or to judge or shame, i just am genuinely baffled every time i see south park content you share and i wanted to ask… what’s up with that? what’s the appeal, for you? why do you think people are so into it in this fandom way? do you think that the fandom is just very divorced from the content itself?

Oooo thank you so much lovely follower. This is an amazing ask. And if you’d want the answer I’ll give!!! And there’s a TL;DR at the end of this :>

Why do (you) so many people like South Park?

(C.W. for south park typical stuff, mentions of abuse and s/a in many forms and serious topics.)

1. What’s the appeal for you?

I got into the South Park fandom at the age of probably ten or so. Eight years ago. How did I get into it? Uhhhh I watched the series rarely as a younger kid. What made me want to get into fandom? To tell the truth it was Stick of Truth. That was South Park’s first video game where you are put into the town and play along side the kid. South Park was the first fictional series I ever got into. Before that I had been a youtube shipper (Septiplier). And then I saw South Park. To be fair, I saw Kenny. Early memories of South Park is fanfiction and pinterest art and playing hours on hours of Stick of Truth, and later the next game.

What did I see in Kenny McCormick? He was a poor kid, who died everyday, with parents who fought physically and verbally. He was the fourth wheel in a best friends/obsession dynamic of his close friends. Pretend this isn’t a comedy. Pretend this isn’t some silly show. It’s a boy who can barely have enough money to eat. He had a younger sister he was willing to sacrifice anything for. And an older brother who never said much without a slur to his words. Without saying too much about my life on main I had a lot of reasons to identify with that. This is a house that many people can identify with, drunks as parents and kids who have to take care of themselves. On top of this he’s Princess Kenny :) Get’s treated as a girl in a roleplaying context and loves it. She’s a great princess. My interest in Kenny then went to Bunny (Ship of Kenny McCormick and Butters Stotch).

What is there to see in Butters Stotch? He’s a boy being dragged into sexist, racist, and homophobic talk. We quite literally throughout the series see him become more and more mean. How does a nine year old boy get dragged through those things? His parents are incredibly abusive, often grounding him for things he didn’t do and finding any excuse to blame anything for. He believes he’s at fault for everything he’s in trouble for. The only friend he eventually gains is a boy who uses him for schemes and tried to kill him at least once. The other person he considers to be a friend doesn’t speak or lead. He finds someone who sticks with him and isn’t a hypocrite and sticks to him no matter the pain he’s put through. He also want made for conflict and enjoys femininity. This will be talked more about later, but I assume you can make some assumptions as to why a ten year old could like the stuff shown here. Then again the next list will be why I like it as well. But Kenny and Butters were my start. They’re on of the most popular ships in fandom. So there’s a lot of content.

2. Why is this a popular fandom?

It’s like. Have you ever been neurodivergent? Have you ever been gay? Have you ever been trans? Have you ever been abused? Have you grown up in a simple U.S. town?Have you ever accidentally become codepdent to your childhood friend as a child? Have you ever been born into a situation that hurts you for years but you’re a child you don’t know what to do? Have you ever been a child and all the adults are so stupid and they’re supposed to be protecting you?

Have you ever been all of those things or some of those things and wondered. Holy Fuck. How am I going to handle this all? I hope I don’t need to explain how or why some people would feel these things and how they would use South Park to express these feelings. (Relatability.)

(Age.) A big criticism I’ve heard is. Oh no. They’re Ageing Up These Characters To Have Sex. It’s a very weird assumption and very strange to assume that people would only care about themes of childhood, being a son, or growing up if it’s about sex. Aging up the characters often has to do with wanting to give them maturity and time to learn. You have access to kids still forming their brains, you have access to 50 year old adults who are still growing and dealing with their current problems. High schoolers going to teen parties for the first time and drinking and smoking. College kids going to parties for the first time drinking and smoking making steps to join their profession and figuring out what they want from live and having the freedom of life or being trapped by family expectations.

Infinite scenarios. The amazing thing about South Park is you have at least ten characters to make whatever drama you want with at a time. You can make an ensemble piece of friend groups full of years of love and hate or a focus on one characters inner turmoil. You can make them into fucked up adults with complicated feelings, a gay man who’s never accepted himself sees his childhood best friend and Understands. The kid being drugged secretly by his parents dies of overdose and now everyone has to deal with that and the feelings towards the person. It’s winter and there’s too many holes in kenny’s house so he asks to stay over at someone else’s by knocking on a window and sneaking in. On top of this for many seasons one of South Park’s things is they would make fun of specific movie concepts that have been run into the ground by putting the kids in it. Losing Edge, Stanley’s Cup, and Up the Down Steroid are great examples of this.

People love to take the absurd seriously. I don’t think I can explain how people who see something silly and take it seriously do it. If you don’t see the appeal that’s really fair. But when Kenny Dies plays and we see Kyle Stan and Eric deal with death in their own ways. We see their differences highlighted. As we watch The Passion of the Jew we see this internalized anti antisemitism, that many people who have the same thing or something similar like internalized racism, homophobia, transphobia, ablism, etc. see reflected on the screen in this surprisingly real way.

A lot of content. There are 26 years of seasons in this show. That’s a lot of content, but genuinely a lot of people don’t watch even half that shit. Majority of the time I’ve spent being invested in South Park I had only seen a few dozen episodes. There are two full videos games with extra content and a phone game. A movie as well. A lot of content you can pick and choose from! A lot of small moments to hang on to. (I.e. Good Times With Weapons Butters get his eye hurt, fandom draws him with a scar more often then not. Eric got Kenny’s eye as a transplant after Kenny died one time. Kyle is said to have the same nose as his mom; hooked.) these build the fandom, but everyone has always embraced those who reject and those who accept canon. There’s so many different things to sink ur teeth into, including serious AU’s of the canonical fantasy and superhero games the characters play together.

But once again I’ll harp on this. I think what brings people to this show is seeing damaged things and giving them the chance to heal. Or giving them things to make their damage a bit easier. Or maybe damaging them more. Standard exploring relationships and feelings. But on top of this we see character who have been sexually assaulted, groomed, abused, neglected. While also the show gives very liberal takes and knows how fucked up these situations are. That’s apart of the comedy (Tsst. Where we see Liane Cartman take away the chance for Eric Cartman to become more respectable and less bigoted and everything because she wants someone to hang out with her.). There’s always something enthralling about seeing yourself on the big screen, and seeing my friends right there too etc. (Relatability, again.)

Simple designs. A child could make the cardboard cutouts that we see the characters as. That’s motivating! What’s also motivating? Giving these characters with specific color schemes a full face body and wardrobe of clothes ! Oh so that means I can make my favorite superhero team Coon and Friends all hanging out together? So that means I can draw something about Kenny dying? So I can make them play dsi’s together? There’s a lot of one off concepts we get that are very cool and some people love to reimagine them in their own style. Others love to make the setting more fantastical like Princess Kenny in the rose garden during the Black Friday Trilogy. You can make them anything!

Sand box! We have set up friend groups, conflicts from twenty years ago, and a mayor of the township! We have the entire map laid out in front of us and more from every episode’s location that hasn’t been included. We have the local coffee shop and the local movie theater. We have a whole city! We have canonical neighbors and stores and everything! Where would you like to start? We have it all.

Taking things “Seriously”. Most importantly, South Park wants to be take seriously. SP doesn’t work without being able to take it seriously. The comedy in Passion of the Jew doesn’t work unless you sympathize with Kyle. I laughed at the obliviousness of the adults as Cartman formed his group and then a pit grew in my stomach as I saw Kyle and them about to crash. The comedy in World Wide Record Concert doesn’t work if you don’t know that Mr Garrison feels bad for a very dumb reason !!!! But that episode is genuinely one of the funniest to me. South Park did not make it a character trait that Mr Garrison is gay for all those early seasons just for us to not notice. And more importantly he feels like a very very ignorant gay man in those seasons, but he feels genuinely gay. As Kenny Dies it asks you to take this seriously, and we watch in Coon Vs. Coon & Friends and are asked for it to be taken seriously as Kenny describes the many deaths he’s faced. This show quickly shows how absurdist and crazy it is in most if not all episodes it has yet it still cares to ask you to take things seriously, to sympathize, empathize with these characters. It tells you to laugh at Kenny’s deaths and then it has the audacity to tell you he remembers Every Single One and is reborn every time, and that Cartman always knows and they never talk about it. They never mention it more then once. They lull us into personal moments and then never bring it up again. The fandom is built around these one off moments, these things the creators didn’t think too much about. These characters have such strong personalities and back bones that have existed for YEARS. Stuff set up and shown in the first five seasons makes sense to the characters of today. The character consistency goes rlly hard for a 25 year old show that only stops itself for exploring character because they know they’re there to be funny and not serious. It’s crazy and amazing and we want the serious shit!

History. South Park history is crazy, what’s ever crazier? Fandom history. The shows history doesn’t matter too much (except that time Matt and Trey went to The Oscars for sp while on LSD) but the fandom history is legendary. The development of fandom, the fandom blorbo of the time, the Stan and Wendy baby guy. It’s really neat. We have a steep history with artists that have come and gone in a very unique way because of how tumblr’s algorithm is set up. South Park’s fandom existed before most popular social media sites. And while this allows you to put the character in Any decade it also lets you see how old some of those ff.net fics are. The fanart on tumblr can easily be a decade old if you look at the right blog. A deactivated user behind it. Ships that have come and gone, we’ve been here this whole time !!!! I love hearing about different sites issues and problems. And also the beloved stuff that has happened here. Some people weren’t here before Creek was canon, some people came in with a canonical gay couple amongst the kids as just an average background thing.

So those are some reasons. The most important ones that I think most south park fan in the fandom. will list at least one of when being asked Why. I value all of these things heavily. You also meet some really great people with mostly solid opinions ! It’s great ! Genuinely a really understanding and accepting place with unique stories from anyone you meet.

3. Do you think that the fandom is divorced from the canonical content?

Off the rip I would say no. But it’s complicated. To those who have seen all or most of the show I’d say; We’re pretty connected. I think the majority of us are just smart enough to understand that Cartman is a bad person on purpose. A lot of this has to do with he’s something the creators use. He’s an archetype of the worst person and is the only character imo that gets pulled ooc in order to do What The Plot Needs. But majority of the fandom is gonna give Kyle curly hair, green eyes and he’ll love to study with some side sports interest. We have a lot of continuity in many ways.

That being said there’s MANY people who have seen Five episodes and read the wiki and maybe play the game(s?). And they treat the show the same as those who have seen it more. Those who have not seen the show might be a bit more outspoken about how it’s Bad or Wrong when they haven’t seen it and I usually don’t trust those people. Hence why I’m watching the entire show rn on my own, to get my own opinion. Those people who haven’t seen shit are also probably connected mainly to a duo or one character. Popular examples of this are Creek (Craig x Tweek) and Bunny (Kenny x Butters). There’s non watchers in the Style (Stan Marsh x Kyle Broflovski) and Kyman (Cartman x Kyle) community but less so from what I’ve seen.

But we’re looking at this show in a different genre. Many of us act like we’re creating CW Shows except Better. Many of us lean into drama and tragedy. Others are in it for the sillies. Majority of people know what’s bad in this show, some people are sometimes so hurt or misguided that they think Cartman is the only evil and never want to see him. Other times ppl are just uncomfortable with him (Like I’ve spent the majority of my time here being). There’s a scale! I think it’s important to realize what is wrong with the show in your own way, and I think the show gets demonized for its effects on main stream media and boys who couldn’t grow a spine for themselves so took Cartman’s personality. It’s pretty apparent that Matt and Trey are very liberal they just thought “making fun” of everyone “equally” was right which got some bad apples. No one likes season 9 episode 1. Not a soul. Tbh most of the drama doesn’t relate to bigotry, though enough does that it matters. And if you aren’t interested in exploring how bigotry effects ppl I’m not sure why you would be interested in South Park.

Like yeah Matt and Trey haven’t thought about Marjorine more than once, but everyone saw a boy being accepted and cared for and enjoying himself seen as a girl more than ever before. And Matt and Trey aren’t gonna give these kids real mental illnesses when we see the symptoms clear as day (price of making characters “unique”). We’re playing a different game then they are, so yeah we’re disconnected in some ways. But we’re very connected in others. We don’t let all 25 seasons go to waste.

And what has my opinion been from watching the show so far? Well I’m on season 11 and so far it’s not as bad as I expected. I agree with a lot of their messages and the stuff that’s obviously just. terrible isn’t as common as I thought it would be? Again, s9 e1 is the worst of it, and you phrased it really well when saying it’s mainly inappropriate humor that often goes over the line. They’re very liberal though, I mean they introduce a gay character in the first episode and in the 90’s teach a kid gay is chill. There are episodes I dislike or just get bored by, but most of what I’ve gotten through which is getting closer to half of the show runs from decent to surprisingly well made (pick any s8 ep tbh. oops all bangers). Mattrey aren’t me, and I’m here to develop the characters, they’re there to develop a comedy. we are not the same but we appreciate each other even tho we probably squint and think the other is more in the wrong then ourselves. But we enjoy each other occasionally.

EDIT: I meant to put this originally but not everyone here is a young adult. I’ve seen 11 year old fans I’ve seen 50 year old fans. we have a lot of diversity in stuff like that. I think young adults had a wave of coming into the fandom because creek became canon which gave the show credit for showing how good it can be at times. Every one of my south park friends are at least two years older then me. That being said I joined a discord that I hadn’t realized was for minors and saw the swath of young ages we get. a lot of us have a decade between each other, but even more of us are in that 17-25 range. I think it’s just more common for young adults to get into it since we have the freedom to watch whatever we want and it’s a household name some may have been restricted to. Then again I joined this when I was 10 as well so like. i may be a bit warped. either way this shows rlly has smth for everyone.

Oh wait! Oh no!!! TL;DR: South Park is a show that’s important to me and others for a lot of reasons. Nothing butters me up like seeing people in broken worlds be able to put it together again in the future, or to be torn apart idk it depends. Other reasons to like the show are: Relatability, they can be literally any age, Infinite scenarios, People love to take the absurd seriously, A lot of content, Relatability; again, simple designs, the setting is a sandbox, creators kinda want us to take this seriously, and a lot of fandom history! And probably more. We’re not that disconnected from the series itself but everyone is pretty aware how problematic it is and many disconnect entirely from the series. Other choose to embrace it to Fix Them. Ppl love to do a lot.

[lycorid]

Sometimes venturing onto the For You side of Twitter sparks joy.

Based take. Shoujo and Josei are fucking top notch, both in characters and art style (how can you not think they’re beautiful?)

“Ruined the JJK and MHA fandoms” is WILD. I avoid fandoms for the most part (except perusing tumblr for the occasional fucking thesis women write about character motivations i love you women <3) because they usually suck. Seriously, I kept up with OPM for a bit because it was entertaining but holy shit the subreddit (very much full of men) is literally just… sexy woman. More sexy woman. Memes about artist constantly drawing sexy woman. Memes. Occasional power scaling arguments. Low quality page colorings of the exact same page. There is NOTHING. How the hell can women ruin the fandom when the fandom IS the women?!

It’s the women creating in depth analyses on characters; it’s the women writing fanfiction, creating doujinshis; it’s the women creating fandom centered accounts; it’s the women buying every new merch piece that comes out AND giving free advertising by posting about it online. And then men will go on and rag on women for doing all these things. It’s infuriating.

Longevity of a series is also something these idiots ignore. Seriously, look at Katekyo Hitman Reborn. The manga ended in 2012 and the creator is working on a different series. Katekyo Hitman Reborn still gets regular merch releases. This is a series that ended over a decade ago and still has an incredibly dedicated fanbase of, I wonder who, that regularly spends enough money to keep it consistent. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that series is supported mainly by men. I do not care how hard Amano Akira tried to alienate her female fans with her treatment of the female characters you know exactly whos spending the money based on who is constantly getting merch (minus the titular character, because of course he has to be there.)

Honestly I don’t give a damn that fandom can often be absolute insanity; you get a group of people together and it’s always going to be a shitshow, that isn’t unique to fandom, people just like to pretend it is because as always, there’s an undercurrent of misogyny because people know women carry that shit but they only want to acknowledge it when they can use it to criticize them.

I love that she came for the JJK fandom as well. I’ve been following the series because honestly it is really fucking funny because it is the epitome of shounen tropes. The author literally baked them into the world. Explaining your abilities to the opponent makes them stronger. So this entire series you get giant pages of just white with text explaining every little fucking thing like theres a narrator standing over your shoulder making sure you can’t possibly miss anything on the first read. Fuck dude, I don’t mind exorbitant amounts of text in my manga, but you cannot be serious in pretending that is good writing. There’s a deus ex machina that every character can pull out of their ass called a binding vow. Black flash also falls into this category.

Hell, the latest arc has literally just been flashback after flashback playing during the battle of the characters forming a bunch of plans in preparation for the fight we currently are following. This is genuinely one of my most hated tropes. The characters just get off screen power ups that then get handwaved as “well we showed you the flashback right?” there is NO anticipation, any excitement you feel for the battle is purely manufactured rather than genuine. It’s not “I can’t wait to see how the growth I followed of these characters affects the battle” it’s “wow, what cool ability will they pull out of their ass next?” I hate it I loathe it and it’s even worse with emotional moments. Why couldn’t you write this into the story in the first place? Why are you giving it to me in a shitty flashback?

Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough because I launched into a rant. The reason I hated it so much is because it forced the reader to be an observer rather than an active participant in the manga. Everything is spoonfed to you. You don’t need to reread the chapters over and over to put together the pieces on how, where, and why each action took place, the author does that for you. You don’t see everything from a new perspective when you read it a second time, catching lots of things you may have missed because you’re not allowed to miss anything the author deems important.

I enjoy this manga. There is good things about it. But it is nowhere near the god manga (“kamige” would be the term if it was a visual novel; I don’t know a manga equivalent) men like to pretend it is. It genuinely seems like they think everything being explained every page is good writing.

Based and succinct.

Anyway, you shouldn’t restrict yourself from experiencing specific genres because they’re for “the lessers” because that’s actually fucking cringe and maybe you should touch a Josei manga, or even a Shoujo manga. Maybe it’ll open your eyes and you’ll realize, hey, women’s media is actually- oh who the fuck am I kidding just pull the trigger.

[genericcodmwblogname]

Got some character headcanons for mw2(both versions), the headcanons for the og games will have [09] next to them, if it is not next to them it applies to both versions.

Gary “Roach” Sanderson

Scottish-American

5'9"

The pettiest person you will ever meet, i am 100% talking condensed pettiness.

Selectively mute

Deceptively strong, He does not look like it at all but this man regularly throws Ghost across the mat during ‘friendly’ spars. He sees someone taller than him and internally just goes “I could throw them” and then confirms that thought at the next feasible opportunity. Has yet to actually be wrong about that.

Really niche one for Roach is him having the auditory version of a 'photographic' memory, and can recognize people solely by voice even if he's only ever heard someone over a communications system.

Has had someone actually attach a bell to him to try and cause him to unintentionally sneak up on them less. (It did not work for long.) Task Force 141 are the only people who have actually gone through with the threat of attaching bells to him.

There is an inside joke about the bells now.

Related to the above, I personally like to think he earned the nickname roach by being able to disappear the second you blink just like a bug you are trying to catch to take outside.

“Accidentally” added to the XOs/COs group chat and has been trying to leave but he keeps being added back in because he’s seen too much already for them to let him actually leave it. He wants out please let him leave.

The other sergeants in the 141 keep making jokes about him being cursed and he is starting to believe them, Very stressed due to this specifically.

Crochets both as a hobby, coping mechanism, and to keep busy.(alongside his journal)

Does not get hangovers thanks to lucky genetics, uses this to challenge people who annoyed him recently to drinking contests b/c he may not get hangovers but they sure will.

Simon 'Ghost' Riley

The worst cook in Task Force 141.

[09]Took 45 minutes to make a bowl of cheap ramen that ends up being literally just mostly raw noodles in slightly salted water. [22] Can actually cook really well, just pretends not to be able to while on base.

[09] The one who intentionally added Roach to the group chat the first time. Reasons it as Roach already knowing too much and so might as well be in there.

Incredibly touch starved, Soap seems to be the only one he can stand to touch him for more than a minute or two at a time.

Generally uncomfortable in medical.

[09]Will avoid medical as much as possible and take care of his own injuries himself unless hes like, been shot and the bullet didn’t go clean through and the like, serious injuries in his mind. Grazes and light stab wounds, twisted or cracked bones do not count as serious injuries to him but only when its happened to him.

Doesn't drink often, he likes bourbon but that’s pretty much it. [09] ‘Secretly’ Married w/Soap (TF141 does not have fraternization rules in my hcs. do not ask me how they would get away with that, dw about it its fanfiction)

John/Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish

[09] One of the ones who keeps adding Roach back into the group chat. Thinks its funny and knows that Roach would rather go to medical than tell anyone anything that happens in it.

One of the best cooks in Task force 141.

Will drag/carry people[cough 09 ghost cough] to medical if they hide injuries or don’t go themself.

Related to the journal he takes everywhere, he also has one that he doesn’t back in his bunk room that is specifically for sketching. Normally sits by ghost’s bedside when ghost is hurt badly enough to have to stay in medical. [09] ‘Secretly’ Married w/Ghost

[wesavegotham]

It literally just feels like crack fanfiction and if some people are into that...good for them I guess. But I'm kinda looking for deeper writing.

Doesn't help that Tom King's ideas for "strong female characters" don't really connect with me.

His Catwoman just beat everyone easily and Bruce apparently could do basically nothing without her, which, sorry no, this is Batman. He doesn't need her to remember how to throw a batarang or that he needs to save Gotham instead of taking a couples vacation on a tropical island. That's just stupid.

In the first story I read with Lizzie she just kept talking and talking and talking, being sassy and mean for no reason and...are there so many girls truly like this? I never met one. Girls who talk a lot, sure. Girls who are saying mean things in their heads, count me in. And I do get angry at men thinking women talk to much. I have a father and two older brothers, I know the pain of being talked over and getting reprimanded if you try to get a word in while you are forced to smile and pretend to be interested in their boring monologues about topics you couldn't care less about. But a relatable female character would deal with such struggles while in King's stories these struggles don't seem to exist. It's just not a relatable depiction of the female experience.

No idea what Jon and Damian are doing in this. I guess it's supposed to be funny, but it's just too ooc. You can write fun stories without exaggerating characters to such a degree. I think my personal pference for comedy is "fun while also leaving space for all the dark implications that come with the story".

While not an ideal comic Super Sons usually knew how to balance fun parts with serious story elements. The Wonder Woman backups seem to be just crack.

I really need people to understand that while Damian is very similar to Bruce their circumstances couldn't be more different.

I don't think Bruce ever questions if his parents loved him. He mourns them to this day, but he knows he was treasured. He didn't have to do anything for it. Damian? Damian thinks he has to be useful to not be discarded. And the sad thing is that he has reason to do so.

Damian died while trying to prove his worth as a hero to his father. He knows his mother and grandfather have high expectations of him. We even saw Alfred speaking down on him while he needed help (even if DC pretends that was never written).

It's just so hurtful seeing a character you relate to needing to "earn love" when they should just get it like everyone else. Damian is not a monster or a mistake, he's a child deserving of love.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Casual Classism in Fiction and Fandom

Time for Salmon’s going to say something not everyone is going to like.  You know the drill.  Yadda, yadda.

So, originally my goal was to write a fandom specific rant about this, in regards to the treatment of a certain character in canon.  And I still might do that.  But that would be a different rant. I don’t have high expectations when it comes to classism in published work.  Nor do I admittedly have much faith in people calling it out.  Perhaps that's part of the reason I am far fonder of high fantasy than contemporary fantasy, and my taste in science fiction tends towards dystopian, retrofuturism, or older works closer to science fantasy or space opera.  Honestly, a lot of high fantasy actually tends to be very anti-classism, and numerous older science fiction made anti-classism allegories.

But in recent years, there’s been a lot more historical fantasy and contemporary fantasy/science fiction, and that seems to come with a heaping side of casual classism in the writing.  Nor do I mean this in a “there is addressed classism in the writing.”  No, when I say there is casual classism, I mean there are statements made and stereotypes used and neither the story or the writers call themselves out on it. And, sadly, this really does carry over into the fanfiction and meta of various shows.  There’s been a few times I’ve almost back buttoned out of fics that I otherwise was really enjoying when the writer suddenly drops in something classist without even blinking.  And not in an unreliable narrator way.  In an “I’m serious about this statement” type of way.  Usually, I remind myself of the classism in the show, unclench my jaw, and keep reading.  Once or twice, I have just noped out, though.

So, right now you’re probably like, well this seems very vagueing, Salmon.  And I don’t intend to call out any one fandom, nor any specific meta or fics.  But i do have a list of examples.  So let’s get to those.

Cleanliness This is a big one.  When a character is poor there are always comments made about their cleanliness.  Indications that they’re filthy or smelly.  Or that their living areas are dirty or stained or smelly.  And, really?  It’s classist crap.

I have been inside so many middle-class homes that were so filthy that I was frankly forced to wear a customer service smile to pretend that my skin was literally not crawling.  (Like, you're my friend babe, but when there are moldy strawberries on the rug by your couch - I am uncomfortable.) I have met people from all walks of life whose hygiene was very questionable.  And, honestly, cars?  I swear, the more disposable income a person has, the less they seem to care about the state of their cars.  The poorer they are, the cleaner they seem to keep their vehicle.  (Probably because there’s a very real possibility of them having had to sleep in their car at one time or another and it's much harder to sleep in the backseat if it's covered in empty food containers and sticky substances.)

“But what if they don't have a washer/dryer?” There are these two things called “handwash” and “drip dry”.  Also, laundromats exist.

“But without a shower and/or tub, they'd obviously be dirty.”  I don't know how to tell you this but a bar of soap, a cloth, and a sink and/or water basin are enough to clean off visible dirt and prevent you from smelling. It's nowhere near as nice as a hot shower, but it will get the job done.

And old things are not automatically broken, dirty, or stained. Well cared for things can last for years.

Alcoholism & Substance Abuse The factor about this that annoys me is less about anyone telling a story about alcoholism or substance abuse.  It’s in the fact that the moment a poor character drinks multiple times, or uses any type of drug even once, they are almost always written as alcoholics or addicts.  The few times the story does not refer to them as such, the fandom is quick to start referring to them as such. Moreover, this happens regardless of whether middle-class and upper-class characters in the same story drink just as often or use drugs more than once. There are multiple stories focused on alcoholism or addiction with a middle-class or upper-class character.  That’s not really the issue, either.  The problem is in the fact that if writers don’t go out of their way to state that a middle-class or upper-class character is an alcoholic or addict, nobody suggests they are.  Even if they are shown drinking numerous times.  But put a drink in a lower-class character’s hand even once, and suddenly they’re an alcoholic.

Literacy Overall fiction and fandom alike seem to fall into the notion that literacy is directly connected to class.  Both historically and contemporary.  The problem is that the issue is not at all so clear-cut.  Literacy is still an issue today, and an even bigger issue historically - but the problem with literacy is who was illiterate is a very mixed bag.  Really, there is a lot related to literacy including time period, location, gender, religion, and what type of work someone's parents did.  There were many times and places in history where you could absolutely write a story where an upper-class child is completely illiterate because it was deemed an unnecessary skill, and a poor child is very literate because they were taught by a parent whose work required them to be able to read and write.  Nor is literacy directly related to if a child attended school - there were other ways to learn to read and write. So while in any type of historical or historical fantasy having a larger portion of characters be illiterate is more realistic, relegating it strictly by class is not.

Working Class Jobs vs College This is going to be my longest rant. NGL, this one is a little personal.  Simply put, there is a lot of very casual referencing to working class jobs in a derogatory fashion.  Commentary that prescribes to the notion that anyone who did not attend college and earn a degree is unintelligent, incompetent, or lazy.  This varies from actually insulting the working class jobs outright, using negative stereotypes for working class characters, and/or to a much more insidious form of it where it is made to be about how a character is “too good” or “deserves better” than being working class.  The latter is the most frustrating because people do not even seem to be aware of how insulting it is.  The underhanded meaning of it.

“This character is working class but they're intelligent so clearly they shouldn't be working class” basically only seems uplifting because people are sold on the idea that working class = stupid.

“This person is working class but they must find a way to go to college in order to have a meaningful life.” Because having a meaningful life is directly connected to your career and tax bracket?

There's nothing inherently bad about stories where a character wants a different life. What is bad is the suggestion that the reason for this isn't personal (“My dream is X.”), but simply because working class jobs are “beneath” the character (“But they are capable of getting a “real” job” (As opposed to what exactly?  A phony one?)), or that happiness is tied to ambition (“But it's such a waste of their life to just be an X!”).

Knowledge/Skills Being lower class also doesn't mean a character has limited fields of knowledge or skills available to them.  You can learn things outside of a classroom.  Libraries exist.  I have never been in the book section of a second-hand store that didn't have someone's abandoned textbooks and multiple shelves of non-fiction.  You can self-teach yourself an instrument. A neighbor can teach you arts and crafts.  A co-worker can teach you a second language.

Look, I don't hate the master cooks, or the mechanically inclined lower class characters. But that doesn't have to be the limit. They can speak three languages. They can be an expert on local history.  They can be bizarrely obsessed with African Elephants! Niche interests exist.

It's just so disappointing to see how prevalent these types of things are in modern fiction.  It's equally disheartening to see how even when it isn't in the fiction itself, it may still be a prevalent attitude or concept in the fandom. It makes me want to shake people sometimes, because it's easy to see how they don't realize the people they are being so derogatory towards are people they're literally sharing fandom spaces with.

[vintage-bentley]

Hey there! You are very right about the homophobic fandom and I absolutely agree with you there.

It just bothers me that, like in your satiric text, you make afab gay men seem like an exaggeration for being afab, and that you kinda ridicule and bad-label trans people in general. That’s… kinda not okay. ^^“

As a trans person who doesn’t support the gay erasure in the fandom either, even supports the counter side, it kinda hurts to be dragged into the role of the bad ones when literally not being on their side.

There are also a lot of cis+binary people invalidating gay allo men, you know?

It’s not supposed to be hate, just please don’t generalize/attack people who aren’t doing anything wrong!

I'm going to be honest, anon, I stared at this for a good minute trying to figure out if you're being satirical or serious. I'm going to treat this as if you're being serious so I'm sorry if you're trying to joke around and I didn't catch on lol.

First of all, I'm glad we can agree on fandom being homophobic. But I think we're in disagreement over who is the target of this homophobia, and what a gay man/person is.

I'm guessing that this is the satiric text you're referencing, and specifically this line;

I read so much mlm fanfic it’s unreal. And that helped me discover that I’m literally a gay man (afab) so I literally can’t be homophobic???

(And yes, I have seen multiple women cite fanfiction written by women for women as how they "discovered" they're a "gay man")

To be clear, I am absolutely ridiculing the concept of "afab gay men" and those who consider themselves such. Because it's ridiculous! Gay men are male homosexuals. They are men who were born men, and born to love men.

Saying that heterosexual females can claim the label of gay man is homophobic and incredibly disrespectful to gay people (especially gay men). It diminishes the experience of actual gay men and treats the word "gay" as something you can identify into by changing your pronouns, instead of a word to describe the exclusive same sex attraction of homosexuals. Note: this exclusive same sex attraction is the baseline requirement for being gay, and it is something "afab gay men" do not experience. They are females attracted to males. Heterosexual. And before you try to say that being gay is actually same gender attraction...it's homosexual, not homogenderal. "afab gay men" are taking a word/term that doesn't belong to or describe them, and claiming it for themselves. This all quickly leads to the whole "gay men must be open to dating females (’afabs’) or they're transphobic" debate, which is just conversion therapy rhetoric in pretty packaging. 

Understandably, as a lesbian I have a huge problem with straight people not only using and appropriating the language gay people use for ourselves, but then taking it one step further and demanding we play along. It’s “kind of not okay” that I ridicule the people who do this? It’s very not okay that they’re pretending to be gay in the first place. Their blatant lack of respect for homosexuals and our sexuality is extremely not okay.

I'd recommend this speech by MrMenno, or really any of his content covering this topic, if you want to hear it from the mouth of a gay man.

I will say that I don't mean to badmouth trans people in general, since I'm sure there's some trans people out there who aren't buying into the sexism and homophobia that the majority of their community sells. However, I am badmouthing the community for that reason; that it's wildly homophobic and sexist. I feel the need to call that out and be clear about where it's coming from. If trans people want to do that themselves, they’re more than welcome. But currently, it’s being left to gay people to defend ourselves.

Also, I think it's important to note that my being critical of gender ideology means I don't follow the same ideology that the trans community does. Making fun of the concept of "this heterosexual female is a gay man" is the same for me as making fun of the concept that "Jesus our saviour is the son of god".

I'm sorry that you feel hurt that you're being lumped in with The Bad Ones. But the very fact that you believe there is such thing as an "afab (female/woman) gay man" tells me that you are perpetuating the exact homophobic rhetoric that I take issue with. It's good that you can acknowledge and be against some forms of homophobia, but you need to be against all forms of homophobia. That includes being against heterosexuals claiming they're gay.

If you don’t want to be seen by many gay people as one of the bad ones, Stop claiming that women can be gay men, and that gay people like myself should not speak up against the notion that they can. Stop expecting gay people to be okay with heterosexuals appropriating our language and experiences. 

"There are also a lot of cis+binary people invalidating gay allo men, you know?"

Now you're not even speaking my language lol. I don't use the word cis or allo, and "validation" isn't the problem. Gay people aren't like the trans community; we don't need constant validation. We just need people to stop being homophobic, and to start respecting homosexuality.

You say this isn't supposed to be hate, yet you're telling me, a lesbian, that I need to stop calling out heterosexuals who call themselves gay because apparently they aren’t doing anything wrong. But appropriating homosexuality for the sake of one's "identity" is doing something wrong. Saying there's such thing as an "afab gay man" is wrong. Expecting homosexuals to let heterosexuals walk all over us while claiming to be one of us is wrong. I'm going to continue attacking homophobic rhetoric, and continue making fun of heterosexuals who pretend to be something they aren’t. 

[chiliiscereal]

Well my standards have really lowered when I comes to writing fanfiction a XD

First I didn’t want to write any at all, then I didn’t want to write for any cartoons, then I didn’t want to write for cartoon turtles... and here i am.

Here I am starting a x reader fanfiction... with the 2014/2016 version of Raph

Still a bit uncomfortable with this but I had an idea so here we go! If I like it then I’ll keep going :p

Lol what am I doing with my life XD

Too tall

Raph x tall! Fem! Reader

Summary: yes this is me self projecting. Reader is 6 foot 4 inches tall and literally every boy she meets is too insecure to date her when she’s that tall. After a while of being treated like she unbreakable and a giant she gets tired of it. Luckily there’s someone else out there who understands how she feels.

———-

You tapped the cafe table impatiently, trying not to watch your friend and her boyfriend across from you. You attempted to look at the door instead. Maybe if you stared at it long enough then your date would show up.

“It’s okay! I’m sure he’ll show up.” She tried to console you as her boyfriend held her tiny little hand.

Perfect.

Small.

You looked at your own clenched hands and wished that yours could fit so perfectly in someone else’s hands. But, sadly, big hands come with height.

No boy your age ever came close to you.

It’s not that you minded.

It’s that they did.

You didn’t care that practically every boy you met barely went up to your shoulder. You wanted companionship. You didn’t need them to be a hulking giant. You needed someone who loved you.

This wasn’t Tall Girl for goodness sake.

You weren’t waiting around for some tall man to show up.

Unfortunately no guy was willing to step up to the plate.

Why might you ask?

Insecurity of course.

The last three guys that turned you down all said they weren’t comfortable with being shorter than their girlfriend. Others said they weren’t looking for a girlfriend.

Funnily enough they all ended up with girlfriends maybe a week later.

The other girls were incredibly tiny. They barely even made it to the boys shoulders. If that.

But you thought maybe this boy would be different.

He seemed like he was.

He seemed interested at least.

He SEEMED like he was excited when you asked him on a double date with your best friend and her boyfriend.

But an hour passed already and he wasn’t there.

You sat up with a bit of a huff. “It’s fine. Let’s just... let’s just enjoy dinner.”

Your friend frowned at you but decided to let it drop. She knew you hated whenever anything like this was addressed so she bit her tongue and changed the subject.

You couldn’t enjoy dinner or pay attention to anything brought up.

Oh you tried.

You gave it the old college try.

But you found your mind wandering back to the lost date way to often.

After another thirty minutes you stood up. “You know what? I’m kind of tired and I still have some homework to finish up. You two enjoy your date!” You grabbed your bag and walked out before your friend could even call you back.

You just needed some time to yourself.

Time to think.

You walked down the sidewalk slowly, half heartedly wishing that the boy would call you and give an amazing reason as to why he was two hours late.

You stopped yourself from reaching for your phone to check for a text.

No it was his loss.

Not yours.

Surely there was someone out there for you... waiting for you to come along.

Someone that wouldn’t care if you were a little taller than them.

You huffed and zipped your bag shut. Whoever they were, they definitely weren’t that boy.

“Hey girl, who you all dressed up for?” Came a voice from the alley you were about to pass.

“No time to talk.” You answered quickly and continued walking.

You weren’t about to give them the time of day. There was a tub of ice cream and a sappy romance movie waiting for you back at your apartment.

“Come on, a girl like you with legs like that? Surely you’re dressed up for somebody.” The man stepped out of the alleyway and leaned against the brick wall. “I’m thinkin’ maybe it’s me.”

Oh you wanted to turn him around and hit him with your bag.

But it wasn’t worth the risk.

“Hell no.” You stated curtly and walked by him briskly.

He snatched your wrist, effectively making your skin crawl. “Look at me when I’m talking to ya.”

He pulled you into the alley before you could stop him.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me.” You growled and tried to rip yourself away. “HELL. NO.”

“Come on, baby! Give me a chance-!” He attempted you sweet talk before he was interrupted.

You caught his hand before he could grab you anywhere inappropriate. “I have had a REALLY terrible day. I am a MINOR and if you don’t get lost RIGHT NOW then you’re gonna have some serious problems.”

He was close enough that you could smell the bitter alcohol on his breath.

He was probably a head shorter than you and had no idea what he was getting into.

“I don’t care if you’re a minor-.” He started.

Your fist smashing into his nose stopped his words.

“Like I said!” You growled as you shook the pain out of your knuckles, “I have had a really really REALLY bad day. And YOU are some little gnat just buzzing in my FACE!”

He gripped his nose with a cry, blood dripping down it like a waterfall. “YOU BROKE MY NOSE!”

“YOU PULLED ME INTO AN ALLEY AND TRIED TO TOUCH ME!” You shouted back, hitting him with your purse before he could charge at you. “YOU MADE THIS CHOICE AFTER I WARNED YOU!”

It felt good to take your rage out on somebody. And it was justified to! It wasn’t like you were just beating this man. He wasn’t letting you leave! He kept grabbing you before you could go.

————-

Turtles pov

They crouched above the alleyway, watching the man pull you into the alleyway.

“We gotta get involved man.” The red masked one whispered. “This doesn’t look to good.”

“I told you, we only get involved if it gets really bad.” The blue one responded with an eye roll. “We can’t risk being seen!”

“It already looks really bad!”

“If she gets anymore hurt then we jump in!”

The orange masked turtle jumped into the conversation. “I don’t know, I think my money’s on the girl.”

“Mikey shut up!” The purple masked brother whispered. “This is serious!”

“So am I! Look at her! She isn’t even scared!”

“I think she at least looks a little scared.”

“Probably cause she’s trying to keep herself from beating the shit out of him!”

Raph rolled his eyes and shoved his younger brother. “It’s our job to do the protectin’ round here. Shut up and- HOLY SHIT!”

The all gasped as you reeled your hand back and knocked your fist into the creeps nose.

“Damn that looked like it hurt.” Leo observed. “Maybe she doesn’t need our help.”

“I say we stay here in case it goes south.” Raph argued, waiting for Leo to argue with him.

“Fine, but we leave when it looks like she’s safe.” Leo nodded and looked back to the fight.

Raph didn’t have time to feel proud that he’d been listened to. Mikey was inching closer to watch. “What the hell are ya doin’?” He reached forward to pull him back. “She’s gonna see ya!”

Mikey leaned over the edge anyway. “Look at her go! I told you he didn’t stand a chance!”

“Who knew using a purse was so effective?” Leo nodded. “Think she’s got it?”

“Looks like it to me!” Mikey laughed and watched with glee. “This is real entertainment.”

“Mikey you’re too close to the edge!” Raph tried to grab him but was shoved away. “You’re gonna fall-!”

————

With that you shoved the man into the wall. “Are you FINALLY done? Have you FINALLY learned your lesson?”

He spit out the blood from his mouth and nodded. “Fine! Please just leave me alone!”

“Good choice!” You shoved him away from you. “Go before I change my mind!”

He was gone before you could even blink.

“That’s right! Get out of here!” You shouted to him as he scurried away.

You lifted your chin triumphantly.

Maybe you hadn’t gotten that date but you sure did beat the crap out of a creep.

You dusted your hands off and snatched your purse off the ground.

“If I catch you harassing anyone else you’ll get it twice as bad!”

No answer of course.

He was long gone.

Still, it felt good to shout.

You could finally go home.

You turned back to the edge of the alleyway with a sigh of relief.

You took one step forward.

Then, the least expected thing happened.

“OH SHIT!”

Next thing you knew you were on the ground after something very large crashed into you.

“What the hell!” You sat up and rubbed your head. “Who just sits on a roof above an alleyway?!”

You grabbed your purse quickly and stood up, ready for another fight.

It wasn’t another creep.

And from the looks of it... it wasn’t even human.

Well, THEY weren’t even human.

You didn’t know what they were.

Green...

Huge...

And shells...

The finally looked at you.

Why were they wearing masks?

What even were they?

Why were they there!?

The one in orange immediately scurried behind the one in red. “Oh shit oh shit oh shit!”

The one in red looked at you and then looked at the guy behind him. “You dragged me into this! You fix it!”

He pulled him forward.

Honestly you had no idea what to think.

There were two GIANT turtles right in front of you! And they were talking!

You gripped your purse a little tighter, waiting to see what they would do.

The one directly in front of you tried to speak only to look back at the red masked one and then back up at where they had fallen.

You looked from him to where he was looking quickly. “Are there more of you?”

He gulped quickly and attempted to hide behind the bigger turtle. “Uh... yeah?”

You took a small step to the exit. “Are you... are you gonna try to take my purse or something?”

The red one glared at you. “No! We’re just.. just here to protect the city. We ain’t monsters!”

You noticed him getting defensive immediately and nodded. “...okay then. Well, if you’re not going to rob me then I’m going to pretend I saw nothing and go on my way.”

The red one frowned.

You were acting waaaaaaay too casual.

Surely there had to be some other motive.

“Hold on a minute... you ain’t goin’ anywhere yet.”

You glared at him and held out your purse. “Are you gonna stop me?”

Mikey took a step back and Raph rolled his eyes.

“I don’t think a purse is gonna do much against someone like me.” He stated.

“I don’t even know who you are.” You stepped back again and tightened your grip. “I didn’t even know people like you existed until now.”

You looked them up and down, taking them all in.

This couldn’t be real.

It couldn’t be.

“You say anything bout this and you’re dead, got it?” He pointed around you as if aggression could make you quiet.

“Can you at least let me go home and finish my ice cream before you decide to kill me?” You backed up again.

You were so close to running away.

So close to escape.

Before you could back up any further, two more creatures dropped from the sky behind you.

You jumped and scrambled away, nearly running into the red masked turtle.

“Listen, I’m sorry about the way my brother phrased everything.” The new turtle glared at his companion. “What he meant to say is that we protect the city. We were watching that man just in case he tried anything and these two,” he glared at the first two again, “fell off the roof.”

The one next to him pushed up his glasses. “I’m surprised you haven’t passed out from fear yet. The first person we met did just that!”

Your back hit the wall and you had no where else to go. “I’m not too sure if I won’t do that.” You glanced between the four of them. “What even are you guys?”

“Turtles!” The orange one spoke up before the red one could shush him.

“Mutants as well.” The purple one joined.

“And ninjas.”

“And teenagers.”

You couldn’t help but snort. “Mutant turtle teen ninjas? I think you need to rebrand that.”

Maybe you were insane.

Here you were cracking jokes with large turtles at dinner time.

But so far they were harmless, despite their stature. According to the blue one they protect New York.

“Ya got a problem with it?” The red one grew even more tense.

You shook your head quickly. “No. Just... surprised.”

“And scared?” He added. “Scared of monsters like us?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “I thought you just said you weren’t monsters.”

That seemed to stop him.

So you continued with a deep breath. “You’re all just... really huge. I thought I was tall but standing next to you...” you swallowed and tried not to let your nerves get to you. You turned to the blue one since he seemed to be the leader. “...can I go now? I won’t tell anyone you exist or... whatever it is you want.”

The blue one was skeptical but the purple one butted in.

“Do you have a way home? Like a friend you can call?”

You opened your purse. “Yeah I should be able to call an Uber with my...” you pulled out the broken device. “...my phone.”

Well crap.

You stuffed it back in quickly. “It’s okay I’ll just walk-!”

“I can fix it.” He offered. “Besides it’ll be an extra security measure for us if we have your contact information.” He gestured loosely to the hand you’d punched the creep with. “We could also bandage up those cuts.”

You brought up your hand and inspected the blood with surprise.

Well... when were you gonna get another opportunity like this? It’s not everyday a girl gets invited into the homes of local mutants.

Besides you really didn’t want to walk home with your phone destroyed.

The red one looked at the purple one angrily. “You wanna being ‘er back??”

“Our job is to help people, Raph.” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m with Donnie. It’s only fair since we broke her phone.” The blue one nodded.

“Well if it’s not too much trouble...”

—————

Next thing you know you were whisked away to none other than the sewers.

Well that kind of made sense.

No one would ever really want to go down there anyway.

The purple one, whose name you learned was Donnie, had your phone in his three fingers the moment you stepped foot in their home.

“I’ll do a little fixing up, maybe an upgrade, and Raph can take a look at your hands.” He muttered as he started to disappear into a lab like room.

Raph...

He was the red angry one wasn’t he.

The tallest and biggest out of them all.

He didn’t seem too happy about it either.

“Why me?” He protested. “What ‘bout Leo? Or-or Master Splinter? Heck, even Mikey!” He gestured to his orange masked brother as if to showcase how he’d be better at it.

You couldn’t help but silently agree with him.

Mikey seemed the most open on the way here. He’d talked your ear off the whole trip, asking questions about what it was like to be a human and bragging about all the people he’d saved. He’d even wanted you to play a video game with you when you got to their home. He’d been a bit overbearing but that was better than Mr. miffed muscle mountain.

“Hey you’ve broken the skin on your knuckles before. You’ve got experience in it. Just fix her hand and be done.” With that, Donnie was gone.

You shared an awkward moment of eye contact with Raph before he sighed.

“Well, I’m gonna go play my game.” Mikey dashed over to the tv. “Let me know when you two are done and we can play!” He grabbed Leo by the back of his shell and pulled him along.

You bit the inside of your cheek nervously.

It was just you two.

You and the giant turtle boy beside you.

“Aight well...” he cleared his throat. “I guess I’ll take you up to the work out room then?”

He stopped and you realized he was waiting for you to say something. You quickly tried to scrounge up a comprehensible sentence.

“Y-yeah, sounds good with me.” You followed after him quietly, holding your hand so the blood wouldn’t drip everywhere.

The room was smaller than you imagined but still... it was huge to you.

He began rummaging through a box on the table, fumbling with objects. “You can uh... you can sit down while I grab the-the stuff.” He told you quickly.

You didn’t know where to sit so you interpreted his words to mean that you should sit on the work out bench.

You watched patiently as he found the roll of gauze.

Clearly he was just as nervous as you.

You didn’t know why HE was nervous though. He was a giant turtle for goodness sake. He could snap you in half easily.

“Here lemme see that hand.” He shuffled over and reached out.

You gave your right one to him, trying to hold in your nervous shaking.

“Ain’t gonna bite ya.” He rolled his eyes.

“I know.” You commented, watching him start applying disinfectant. “Just never been in a situation like this before.”

He snorted and continued his work.

You couldn’t help but notice how small your hand looked compared to his. Ha. That was new. Usually it was you watching little pick me girls compare their hand size to their crushes. How strange it was for it to be you.

“And I thought I had big hands.” You couldn’t help but blurt out.

He kept his eyes on your hand, examining it a little more. “Ya call this big?”

“Yep.” You glanced around the room, taking in the ‘scenery’.

He snorted. “Damn tiny to me.” He pulled out the gauze and began wrapping your knuckles. “Look, I’m uh... I’m sorry ‘bout the way I handled earlier. My dumbnut brother got us exposed when ya clearly had the situation handled.”

You cringed, remembering that they’d seen you beating the creep. “Yeah I could have handled that better as well.”

He paused for a half second, as if considering his next words, and then continued. “Heard ya say you were havin’ a shit day as well.”

You weren’t exactly sure if you wanted this brought up in the middle of the weirdest experience ever but you were desperate for a smooth conversation. “Yeah, some jackass stood me up.”

He frowned and momentarily made confused eye contact with you. “Stood ya up?”

“You know, as in he said he was gonna go on a date with me and just didn’t show up.” You forced out a laugh. “But it’s fine I got ice cream at home.”

“Mmm.” He muttered. “Sounds like a douche bag.”

Well outta room! Part two will be up I had too much fun :)

[disastercomingfaster]

Spilling Secrets (Bechloe Fanfiction)

Alright, so this is my first attempt at a fanfiction in...months, I think. Please go easy on me, I’ve been trying to get over my writer’s block and an awesome user named @lyricalmuse91 recommended I write a fanfiction based on the song “If You Love Her” by Forest Blakk and so I came up with this slightly angsty but also very fluffy fanfiction. Please enjoy! And if it’s not great, my apologies, hopefully this will get me out of my slump. Please know I am open for more requests in the future, just inbox me. 

Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have

 “I’m in the room, yet all you can do is stare at your phone?” Chloe’s giggling voice snapped Beca out of the trance she was in.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Beca quickly swiped out of the page she was in and set down her phone.

Chloe grinned and made a grab for Beca’s phone. “What kind of porn were you looking at?” She teased.

Beca grabbed the phone and stood up. “Nope, nope!” She held the phone above her head.

Chloe burst out laughing. “Are you serious Mitchell?” She reached up and easily grabbed Beca’s phone. Beca blushed; Chloe was a good two inches taller. This had been a rookie mistake.

“Chloe, please don’t.” Beca let down her guard and pleaded with the red head.

Chloe looked at Beca in surprise. “What’s wrong?”

“Just please, give me back my phone.” Beca begged. Slowly Chloe handed her the phone.

“Whatever it was, you can tell me.” Chloe reminded her.

Beca sighed and shoved her phone back in her pocket. “Let’s talk about something else, please.”

Chloe sighed. “You always do this.”

“Do what?” Beca asked.

“You’re my best friend, and I feel like I know nothing about you.” Chloe told her. “I’ve told you everything about me, every detail about my life. But I only partially know you.”

“You know what matters.” Beca insisted.

“Do I?” Chloe asked, sitting back on the ground. “Do you not trust me?”

“I don’t trust anyone.” Beca said impulsively.

“I didn’t think I was just anyone.” Chloe snapped.

Beca sighed and sat down next to the red head. She wrapped her arms and pulled her into a hug.

“You’re not just anyone.” Beca assured her. “I’m just…I’m just scared you won’t like what you see. I can’t lose you, Chloe.”

“Have you murdered anyone? Because I think I can handle anything else from you.” Chloe teased.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t killed anyone that mattered.” Beca teased back. Chloe gently smacked the younger girl’s hand and they both laughed.

 She always has trouble Falling asleep And she likes to cuddle While under the sheets She loves Pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV There's still a few other things

 Beca pulled her keys out of her pocket, doing her best to not fall right asleep at the door. Somehow her group project had underestimated how long it would take to finish up their report. She hadn’t gotten out of the library until nearly midnight.

Beca pulled the front door open, trying to be as quiet as possible, only to be greeted by Chloe in her pajamas.

“Hey bestie.” Chloe waved.

“What the fuck are you doing up, hun?” Beca sighed. “Don’t you have class at seven tomorrow?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I wanted to watch some Jersey Shore reruns.” Chloe shrugged.

“Again?” Beca asked.

“I mean…” Chloe shrugged. “You know what always helps me fall asleep, right?”

Beca rolled her eyes. “Are you serious?”

“Please, Beca?” Chloe pleaded.

Beca sighed. “Let me put my stuff down in my room and change, I’ll meet you in your room.”

Chloe was already comfortable in bed by the time Beca made it to her room. Beca rolled her eyes. “Move over, weirdo.”

Chloe grinned and made a space in bed for Beca to slide in. Beca wrapped her arms around Chloe.

“Thank you.” Chloe snuggled into Beca.

“I can’t believe you make me do this.” Beca complained.

“Oh, shut up. You love this just as much as I do.” Chloe laughed.

Beca rolled her eyes, but Chloe was partially right. Beca both loved and hated cuddling Chloe until she fell asleep. She hated in for the same reason she loved it.

She was in love with Chloe.

And Chloe had no idea.

 Take it If she gives you her heart Don't you break it Let your arms be a place She feels safe in She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her

 “So, you two are literally spooning almost nightly, but you can’t tell her you love her?” Jesse laughed and took a sip of his beer.

“I wouldn’t call it spooning.” Beca practically whispered, looking around the bar.

“No, it’s literally spooning.” Jesse said, not bothering to keep his voice down. “You are straight up friendzoned.”

“And you clearly can’t handle alcohol.” Beca said, grabbing his drink out of his hand.

“Hey!” Jesse protested.

“You can get this back when you stop being an asshole.” Beca said. “Which means you will probably never get it back.”

Jesse laughed and grabbed his drink. “Becs, she likes you. She needs you to help her fall asleep. That’s sickening and possibly adorable.”

“Yeah, and what if you’re wrong?” Beca snapped, taking a swig of her beer. “What if you’re wrong and I completely ruin our friendship and make things totally awkward?”

“You’re probably already making things awkward because you’re in love with her and you’re pretending you aren’t.” Jesse pointed out.

“God.” Becca groaned. “I hate it when you have actual points.”

Jesse winked and took another sip of his beer. “Look. Beca. She’s crazy about you. You two are together all the time and she has these desperate-looking googly eyes whenever you’re around. She’s into you. And it’s really gross, to be honest. Go for it, kid. What’s the worst that will happen?” Jesse laughed. “I mean, I told you I was hot for you and here we are getting drunk on a Tuesday night three years later even though you have absolutely no feelings for me.”

“I mean, that is a good point.” Beca admitted.

“Just go for it, Becs. You hold everything in, why not try trusting people every now and then?” Jesse took anther chug of his drink. “How about the next round is on me?”

“Sounds good.” Beca finished her drink. “I think I’m going to need it.”

  Kiss her with passion As much as you can Run your hands through her hair Whenever she's sad And when she doesn't notice How pretty she is Tell her over and over So she never forgets

 “You’re doing that thing again.” Chloe’s voice interrupted Beca’s thoughts.

“What?” Beca asked, locking her phone.

“Beca, something is clearly going on with you.” Chloe insisted.

“Just drop it, Chloe.” Beca insisted, shoving her phone in her pocket.

“We’ve been best friends for over three years. I’ve told you every stupid thing about me but now something is clearly going on that you think I can’t handle hearing about and you’re keeping me in the dark!”

“It’s complicated.” Beca muttered, avoiding eye contact with the red head. To tell Chloe what was going on with her phone could easily lead to Beca sharing she had feelings for the red head which could lead to Chloe never speaking to her again.

“I’m listening.” Chloe said, taking Beca’s hand. Beca bit her lip, trying to control the rush of emotion that went through her.

“I can’t-”

“Beca, if you don’t want to tell me, it’s fine. I just want to make sure my relationship with you works on both sides. It can’t just be me sharing to you, me complaining to you. I want you to feel like you can trust me, hun.”

“Michelle’s pregnant!” Beca burst out.

“Michelle?” Chloe asked. “Who’s Michelle, Becs?”

“She…we dated…we had plans and we were…” Beca sighed. “It doesn’t matter. She moved on…and I mean I guess I should have by now, and I thought I did…it was high school for Christ’s sake…but I mean, we were going to get married and…fuck, I’m pathetic…”

“Beca, you don’t have to judge how you feel.” Chloe squeezed her hand.

“I was crushed years ago and now I’m…I’m this.” Beca laughed.

Chloe laughed. “And what’s wrong with this? I think this is pretty cool.” Chloe squeezed Beca’s hand. They both stared at each other for a moment. “I think ‘this’ is perfect.” Chloe whispered.

Before Beca knew what was happening, Chloe had pressed her lips against Beca’s. Beca immediately pulled Chloe closer.

“You…you wanted…you also…?” Beca sputtered out in-between kisses.  

Chloe pulled away and giggled. “Honestly, this is what I thought you were hiding.”

“I mean, it was.” Beca laughed. “But I thought if I shared anything all my feelings would just pour out.”

“I knew you were just a big softie under all that attitude.” Chloe giggled, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

“Hey! Beca Mitchell is no softie!” Beca laughed and put her lips back to Chloe’s.

“Wait, wait!” Chloe pulled away. “Does that mean you trust me now?”

Beca laughed. “Chloe. I always trusted you. And I was so, so fucking scared if I told you the truth, I would lose you. And I don’t know what the hell I would do without you, Chlo.”

Chloe grinned and kissed Beca. “I’ll make sure you’ll never have to find out.”

 On days when It feels like the whole World might cave in Stand side by side And you'll make it She's the best thing that you'll ever have She'll love you If you love her like that

[stephspurs]

A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

Life is beautiful and life is cruel. A window into the souls of the victorious and the vanquished. In a way, football did come home during the summer of 2021. Follow along Amelia’s journey, navigating the football world as a tactical analyst for the italian football team, with a brother and father part of the three lions. Will Amelia leave Italy and come back to England? Will she leave the Serie A for the Prem? Will she set aside the bianconeri stripes for new colours, leaving behind friendship for love? Maybe she can have both...

Hello my lovelies!! Part 3 sees a whole lot Amelia's beautiful brain & you get your first slice of interaction with the british boys - leading up to an all important Mykonos adventure (part 4 - out friday). As usual, please let me know your thoughts and feelings, and let me know what you want to see happen with Amelia and her story! Updates have increased to 3/week! I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am!

Love always,

Steph xx

UPDATE as of 31/07: I've made some additional editing changes due to some feedback about the confusion between ben white (her brother) and ben chilwell (not her brother LOL). Nothing has been added to the story, just the addition of either surname has been added where i think it could be more straightforward - for future readers!

Part 3. | parte terza

warnings; none - just a whole lot of feels.

word count; 2081

writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter.

next update; Friday 30/07 5pm AEST. Updates are three times/week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday)!

Tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven

link to fic masterlist here

It was the day after the final match and Amelia should be nursing a hangover due to the large amount of red wine she consumed with her Italian counterparts the night before. However, she finds herself at St. George’s Park before 9am, meeting one of her father’s colleagues who directs her to the recreation room that she remembers from a few days prior.

Standing outside the door, she assumed she was just waiting for her dad as agreed on the phone an hour earlier. As she was waiting, she could hear Gareth Southgate give a team talk to the players, praising them for their ability and pleading for them to bounce back from this defeat and use it to push on. The next voice she could hear was that of her father, giving them the tactical run through of the game. She listened to the points her father made, and both agreed and disagreed with some. Unexpectedly, the man sent to collect her opened the door and ushered her inside.

She stood at the back of the room, facing her dad and Gareth, whilst the team and other management staff had their backs to her. Making eye contact with her dad, he smiled slightly.

“Whilst I can offer you my opinion on the match last night, to better prepare you for the next time, there is no better opinion to learn from at this moment than that of your opponent. Amelia, would you please come up here” Dean really threw her into this situation, that again, she was not prepared for nor did she want to participate in. However, the 30+ sets of eyes that had currently turned around to stare at her didn’t exactly inspire a choice to be made here.

_____________________________________________________________

“Lads, this is my daughter. I taught her everything she knows, which was probably too much considering I can now recognise that it was her signature plays that the italian side used to their advantage last night. Treat her with respect, or I will let her at you. Which i’m sure you all saw a few nights ago in this very room” My dad spoke as I walked up to the front area, weaving in and around beanbags with players occupying them.

Standing in front of the Three Lions was more nerve wracking now than it had been when she was confronting her brother, maybe Fede did offer her protection as his bodyguard. Either way, she put her big girl pants on (figuratively speaking, literally she was wearing her official puma tights and Italian polo) and got on with it as if she was speaking to her team.

“Thanks Dad. Hey guys, I think the first thing I would like to say is that you’re allowed to feel exactly how you feel right now. There is no rush to ‘get over it’ or ‘push on and learn’. You need to feel this now, feel it throughout your body, understand the pain and then turn it into motivation.” I speak to the group, trying to accurately express how sincere I am to this group of heartbroken men.

“As for tactics, I can stand here and praise you for how good you really are but that's not how you are going to learn. You came into the game hard and fast.” I paused, understanding the innuendo just as it was flying out of my mouth. I pursed my lips and tried to hold my giggle in, however some of the boys seem to have the same sense of humour as I do. My brother, face of steel and eyes that burn into any man that tries to joke with me.

“Sorry, can’t help myself. So yeah, you took charge of the game from kick off and we were not ready. You had the aggression and desire to push from the start and that's what you did, Shaw, you really surprised me with that goal. Not because I didn't think you could do it but because I wasn’t anticipating you being someone we had to watch so closely.”

“Again, something you guys need to keep in mind is that it is literally my job to know everything about you and how you play the game, what foot you prefer, who you pass to, how long you hold the ball before you pass, do you like to assist or score...all of these things make a massive difference in each play we make.”

“The error you made came around the 25th minute of the game, we had settled into the game and did what we do best - we slowed you down. In Italy, in the Serie A, which is where most of my team play, the game is a lot slower. There is more skill and tactic used to ensure a favourable outcome. Again, i'm not saying you all don’t have skill, but the Prem favours pace over tactics and strategy. The only way we were going to be able to win was by making you play our game, but in your half of the pitch.”

At this point, all of their eyes are trained to me and the more senior players of the team, like Henderson, Walker, Coady, Kane, they understand what i’m trying to say. Gareth, my dad and other members of staff are sitting to one side, arms folded and a slight smile on their face at the simplicity of my approach to such an important game. I direct my next question to them.

“Can I ask - have you already selected your man of the match?”

“Off record, yes we have. Before I announce to the team who it is, can I direct the question back to you and find out who you would award it to?” Gareth poses back to me, interested to hear my opinion.

“While the obvious choices would be Kane, Sterling, Maguire - your players who perform week in week out and are consistent and no doubt deserve an award as such. I would recommend Declan Rice. Personally, he was the most instrumental in the match last night. Every time we turned to attack, he was there to stop it. He was a player I was confident that I knew the extent of his ability, when it was obvious that I didn't.”

The boys around him, Mason Mount & Ben Chilwell, offered him a gentle shove and ruffle of the hair, to show their encouragement to the bashful boy who seemed surprised at the praise he was receiving.

“The other player that I think deserves a bit of a shoutout, and not because of his hair, is Jack Grealish.” I spoke, looking around the room until we locked eyes. I wanted him to understand how serious i was about my next words.

“You are so dangerous on the ball, you are an asset as a team mate, you aren’t guilty with the ball, but you have the power behind you to score when the opportunity presents itself. The moment you were subbed on I pulled Jorginho to the side and told him to treat you like Chiellini and Bonnucci were handling Sterling and Kane. You were one of my players to watch, and for good reason”

At the end of the little session, I said thanks to the boys for listening and that I hope to see them again in a tournament. The only way to be the best is to beat the best. After a quick round of applause that made me feel more special than I am, I walked past my brother, gave him a quick ruffle of his hair and met my dad at the back. Gareth dismissed the boys and they all stood up, breaking away and grabbing some breakfast that was set up to the side of the room, for one last team meal.

“Mills!! I’ll get you an almond croissant and a coffee, come sit with me!” Walker shouted from across the room.

“Oi mate, she’s my sister not yours” Ben counters from the back of the line.

“Yeah she's your sister by blood, mine by choice.” Kyle firmly states and begins his way to one of the tables.

“I suppose i better join Kyle before he drowns everyone in his tears” i joked with the england officials i was standing with before walking over to Kyle and a few of his team mates.

“Sooo am I supposed to pretend I don’t know who you all are so you can introduce yourselves? Or do we just mutually agree that I know too much about each of you and not bring it up?” I question the boys, jokingly. They all laugh and I sit down in the space Kyle left between himself and John Stones. I sat there and got to know some of the boys on a less competitive level, working out who was a leader both on the pitch and off it. After listening to the boys joke around and just be mates, rather than teammates, I leaned over to Kyle.

“Hey, before I go, do you think you can introduce me to Bukayo? I want to speak with him for a moment.”

“Yeah sure, I'll take you over there. Why are you nervous? You've never been shy before” Kyle questioned back at me.

“I’m not nervous, I'm just hyper aware of the sensitivity of the moment. Last night would have been tough”

Saying goodbye to the boys, Kyle directed me over to a table that was sitting my brother Ben White, Kalvin, Ben Chilwell, Grealish, Saka, Sancho & Rashford.

“Hey boys, Ben, I just wanted to come say goodbye before I head off.” I directed towards my brother. He pulled up a chair and asked me to sit for 5 more minutes, claiming he deserved it after months of no contact.

“Ben here didn’t let us know he had a sister as smart as you...what happened to you Ben? Did you miss that gene?” Jack Grealish poked at my brother. With his signature scowl on his face, Ben White let his mates laugh at his expense.

“Oh don’t make fun of my brother Benny, that’s my job!” I joked back, setting the boys off again with my brother’s childhood nickname. It was nice to hear some laughter again from a side that looked so solemn the night before.

“No in all seriousness boys, I especially came over because I wanted to talk to you Bukayo - what you did was so impressive. In a final, as the last penalty taker, to take on the responsibility of the nation at the age of 19! Not many players would dare to do that. You have earned a lot of respect, particularly from the Italian camp.” I spoke with a smile on my face, directed at the young boy.

“The same goes for you two” Now looking at Sancho & Rashford.

Bukayo looked down at his hands & smiled, before getting up and walking to my side of the table. Anticipating what he was going to do next, I stood up and welcomed him with open arms. Grateful that he understood my message and was beginning to accept the praise he so deserved. Stepping back from the hug, I turned to address the group of lads one more time.

“If any of you fancy a change of pace and want to come over to the Serie A, just give me a call - Benny can give you my number!” I start to speak, before I'm cut off but my brother.

“Stop poaching my mates! I’ve already lost you to another country. I don't need to lose anyone else” He jokingly says while standing to walk me out of St. George’s Park. I know it was a joke but I can't help but think there was some truth to that.

It had been more than 3 years since I moved out of our family home to start my life in Turin, and not one moment had i regretted it or thought i made the wrong decision. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I wished I was closer to my family, but I know I had to make that move to prove to myself I am just as successful as I hoped I would be. Not saying I have learnt everything there is to learn with the Serie A giants, Juventus, but maybe it's time for a new challenge? Maybe I can bring the strategic spin on the game to the fast paced action of the premier league?

Part 4. | quarta parte

[him-e]

what did you think of shadow and bone? have you read the books? i only read the duology

Thoughts on Shadow and Bone, now that you've probably seen it?

I think the show is alright? It lacks a real wow factor as far as I’m concerned, but it’s enjoyable. It’s especially enjoyable in those parts I didn’t anticipate to like / didn’t even know would be there. 

Whereas the main selling points leave a lot to be desired.

The good stuff: the visuals. The aesthetic. The overall concept. Production, casting and costumes are excellent, the setting is fascinating. The worldbuilding isn’t perfect and is sometimes confusing, which is probably due to the show jumping ahead of the books and introducing elements that happen much later in the book saga, but I’m loving the vague steampunk-y vibe of it mixed with more typical fantasy stuff and slavic-inspired lore, the fact that it’s set in dystopian Russia rather than your usual ye olde England.

I find it interesting that in this ‘verse the Grisha are simultaneously superstars, privileged elite, legendary creatures and despised outcasts, according to the context and the type of magic they wield. It’s A Lot, and so far it’s all a bit underdeveloped and messy, like a patchwork of different narratives and tropes sewn together without an organic worldbuilding structure. (there are hints to a past when they were hunted, but how did they go from that to being, essentially, an institutionalized asset to the government isn’t clear yet. There’s huge narrative potential in this, and I hope future seasons will delve into those aspects)

Many of the supporting characters are surprisingly solid. I appreciated that Genya and Zoya eventually sort of traded places, subverting the audience’s assumptions about them and their own character stereotypes, despite the little screentime they were given.

Breakout characters/ships for me were Nina/Matthias, and even more so the Crows, i.e. the stuff I didn’t see coming and knew nothing about (having only read the first book). (I thought the entire Crows subplot was handled in a somewhat convoluted way, at least in the first episodes; it was hard to keep track of who wanted Alina and why, but the Crows’ chemistry is so strong it carried the whole Plot B on its shoulders).

HELNIK. As an enemies to lovers dynamic, Helnik was SUPER on the nose, I’d say bordering on clichéd with the unapologetic, straight outta fanfiction use of classic tropes like “we need to team up to survive” and “there’s only one bed and we’ll freeze to death if we don’t take our conveniently damp clothes off and keep each other warm with the heat of our naked bodies” (not that I’m complaining, but i like to pine for my ships a bit before getting to the juicy tropetown part, tyvm). And then they’re suddenly on opposite sides again because of a tragic misunderstanding - does Bardugo hate high-conflict dynamics? It certainly seems so, because between Helnik and Darklina I’m starting to see a pattern where the slow burn and blossoming mutual trust is rushed and painted in broad, stereotypical strokes to get as fast as possible to the part where they *hate each other again* and that’s... huh. Something.

^That’s probably why I’m almost more interested in Kaz x Inej, because their relationship feels a bit more nuanced, a bit more mysterious, and a bit more unpredictable. (I didn’t bother spoiling myself about them, so I really don’t know where they’re going, but it’s refreshing to see a dynamic that the narrative isn’t scrambling to define in one direction or the other as quickly as possible)

-

Now, as for Darklina VS Malina... I found exactly what I expected. 

Both are ship dynamics I’m, on principle, very much into (light heroine/dark villain, pining friends to lovers) but both are also much less interesting than they claim to be, or could have been with different narrative choices. I’ll concede that the show characters are all more fleshed out and likable than their book counterparts, and the cringe parts I vaguely remembered from the books played out differently. And, well, Ben Barnes dominates the scene, he’s hot as HELL, literally every single second he’s on screen is a fuck you to Bardugo’s attempts to make his character lame and uninteresting and I’m LOVING it, lol.

But yeah, B Barnes aside, Darklina is intrinsically, deliberately made to be unshippable. 

It makes me mad, because it’s - archetypally speaking - made of shipping dynamite: yin/yang-sun and moon, opposites attract, COMPLEMENTARY POWERS AND SO ON. And what does Bardugo do with these ingredients? A FUCKING DELIBERATE DISASTER:

^ Placing the kiss so early on (season 1, episode five) effectively kills the romantic tension that was (correctly) building up until that point, and leaves the audience very little to still hope for, in terms of emotional evolution of the dynamic. 

Bardugo lays all the good stuff down as early and quickly as possible (the bonding, the conflicted attraction, the recognizing the other as one’s equal, etc) only to turn the tables and pull the rug so y’all sick creepyshippers won’t have anything to look forward to, because THEY’VE ALREADY HOOKED UP AND THAT BELONGS TO THE PAST, IT’S OVER, THEY’RE ENEMIES. This, combined to the fact that she falls for him *without* knowing who he really is, is the opposite of what I want from a heroine/villain ship (it’s basically lovers to enemies, and while that can be valid too, I wanted to see more pining and more prolonged, tormented symbolic attraction to the Shadow/Animus on Alina’s part). 

But here’s the trick: it’s not marketed as lovers to enemies - it has all the aesthetics and trappings of an enemies to lovers (the Darkling is, from the get go, villain-presenting, starting from his name), so it genuinely feels like a trollfic, or at the very least a cautionary tale *against* shipping the heroine with the tall dark brooding young villain, and I don’t think it’s cool at all. It makes the story WAY less interesting, because it humanizes the villain early on (when it’s not yet useful or poignant to the story, because it’s unearned) but it’s a red herring. The real plot twist is that the villain shouldn’t be sympathized with, just defeated: there’s a promise of nuanced storytelling, that is quickly denied and tossed aside. So is the idea of incorporating your Shadow (a notion that Bardugo must be familiar with, otherwise she wouldn’t have structured Alina and the Darkling as polar opposites who complement each other, but that she categorically refutes)

Then we have Malina. The good ship.

Look, I’m not that biased against it. I don’t want to be biased on principle against a friends to lovers dynamic that antagonizes a heroine/villain one, because every narrative is different, and for personal reasons I can deeply relate to the idea of being (unspeakably) in love with your best friend. So there are aspects of Malina that I can definitely be into, but it troubles me that in this specific context it’s framed as a regression. It’s Alina’s comfort zone, a fading dream of happiness from an idealized childhood, to sustain which the heroine systematically stunts her growth and literally repressed her own powers, something that in the books made her sickly and weak. But the narrative weirdly romanticizes this codependency, often making her tunnel vision re: going back to Mal her primary goal and centering on him her entire backstory/motivation, to the point that when she starts acting more serious re: her powers and alleged mission to destroy the Fold, it feels inorganic and unearned. 

Mal is intrinsically extraneous to Alina’s powers, he doesn’t share them, he doesn’t understand them, he has little to offer to help her with them, and so the feeling is that he’s also extraneous to her heroine’s journey, aside from being a sort of sidekick or safe harbor to eventually come back to. People have compared him to Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and yeah, he has the same ~magic neutralizer~ vibe, tbh.

The narrative also polarizes Mal’s normalcy and relative “safety” against Aleksander’s sexy evil, framing Alina’s quasi-platonic fixation on the former as a better and purer form of love than her (much more visible and palpable) attraction to the latter. This is exacerbated by the show almost entirely relying on scenes of them as kids to convey their bond. I’m sure there are ways to depict innocent pining for your best friend that don’t involve obsessively focusing on flashbacks of two CHILDREN running in a meadow and looking exactly like brother and sister. LIKE. I get it, they’re like soulmates in every possible way, BUT DO THEY WANT TO KISS EACH OTHER?

Which brings me to a general complain: for a young adult saga centering on a young heroine and full of so many hot people, this story is weirdly unsexy? There are a lot of shippable dynamics, but they’re done in such a careless, ineffective way that makes ZERO EFFORT to work on stuff like slow burn, pining and romantic tension, and when it does it’s so heavy handed that the viewer doesn’t feel encouraged at all to fill the blanks with their imagination and start anticipating things (which is, imo, the ESSENCE of shipping). The one dynamic that got vaguely close to this is, again, Kaz and Inej, and coincidentally it’s also the one we didn’t get confirmed as romantic YET. Other than that, where’s the slow burn? What ship am I supposed to agonize over during the hiatus to season two? Has shipping become something to feel ashamed of, like an embarrassing relative you no longer want to invite in your home?

Anyway, back to Alina/Darkling/Mal, this is how the story reads to me:

girl suspects to be special, carefully pretends to be normal so she can stay with Good Boy

the girl’s powers eventually manifest; she’s forcibly separated from Good Boy

the girl’s powers attract Bad Boy who is her equal and opposite but is also a major asshole

girl initially falls for Bad Boy; has to learn a hard lesson that nobody that sexy will ever want her for who she is, he’s just trying to exploit her

also, no, there is no such thing as a Power Couple

girl is literally given a slave collar by Bad Boy through which he harnesses her power (a parody of the Twin Scars trope)

you know how the story initially suggested that the joint powers of Darkness and Light would defeat evil? LOL NO, Darkness is actually evil itself and the way you destroy evil is using Light to destroy Darkness, forget that whole Jungian bullshit of integrating your shadow, silly!

conclusion: girl realizes being special sucks. She was right all along! Hiding and suppressing her powers was the best choice! She goes back to the start, to the same Good Boy she was meekly pining for prior to the start of the story.

... there’s an uncomfortable overall subtext that reads a lot like a cautionary tale against - look, not just against darkships and villain/heroine pairings, but also *overpowered* heroines and, well... change? Growth?

Like, it’s certainly a Choice that Alina starts the story *already* in love with Mal. That she always knew it was him. The realization could have happened later (making the dynamic much more shippable, too), but no. 

[gingersnapwolves]

The Untamed, a brief summary [Part 1/6]

Okay my friends, I have heard your calls. Here’s my play-by-play version of The Untamed.

Note the first: I’m dividing it up into sections because it is, after all, a 50 episode series and I doubt anyone will want to wade through it all in one go.

Note the second: I am going to try to be as unbiased as possible. There are different ways to interpret some of the characters’ actions, especially later in the show when things get morally complex. You can find oceans of meta on this stuff, so I will try not to pick a side when at all possible. 

Note the third: I’m going to keep the tone pretty light and humorous. This show gets *dark* in the middle but y’all are reading a summary and I don’t want it to get too dry or too depressing. Please pardon me if I am flippant from time to time.

Part One: Sword Wizard School

I thought about doing a character guide but decided it would be easier to introduce you to characters as we meet them, because there are a LOT of characters. However, I am going to give you a brief primer on the important families/places.

Actually, let me back up a little further. The Untamed is a xianxia drama, so it’s about people trying to become immortal celestial beings. They fight monsters and do a lot of magic, and they live in clans/sects. A clan is a family. A sect is a cultivation style/school. The terms are often used interchangeably (even I’m guilty) but they are not exactly the same. Members of a clan will belong to that sect, but the sect will also take in outsiders to train, who are sect members but not clan members.

There are five Great Sects:

Province: Yunmeng; sect: Jiang, home: Lotus Pier

Province: Gusu, sect: Lan, home: Cloud Recesses

Province: Lanling, sect: Jin, home: Koi/Carp Tower

Province: Qinghe, sect: Nie, home: The Unclean Realm (this is not to say it is dirty, it’s from Buddhism and might also translate to ‘The Worldly Realm’)

Province: Qishan, sect: Wen, home: Nightless City/Nevernight (depending on translation) 

Here’s a map I made for my fic reference which shows roughly where these provinces are in relation to each other. I may have pretended they were cities in America so I could calculate mileage. Yes I am the world’s biggest nerd, thanks.

H’okay! The show is not in chronological order but I am going in chronological order because the point is to make this simple for you. I’ll admit that I may not get everything 100% correct because it’s been a while since I watched parts of it but I’ll try.

Setting: Caiyi Town, [Gusu]

ENTER A GREMLIN.

Meet Wei Wuxian. He is a 16 year old chaos gremlin with ADHD. He does not look 16 but actors in American dramas pretending to be teenagers also do not look 16 so we’ll let that go. He is with his adopted brother (also 16ish, but younger than Wei Wuxian) Jiang Cheng, and his adopted older sister, Jiang Yanli (probably about 6 years older).

Oh, right. Names. Most characters have two names, a birth name and a ‘courtesy’ name which is a fancy name they get when they’re old enough to get their swords and stuff. They also have titles. For the sake of not driving y’all crazy, I will choose the most commonly used name for the character and stick with it, and then give you a chart at the end so you’ll understand fanfiction.

Wei Wuxian and his siblings are headed to Sword Wizard School in Gusu, hosted by the Lan sect. Wei Wuxian is clearly planning to Be Himself during these lectures, and Jiang Cheng does Not Approve. Jiang Cheng is obviously very serious and concerned with appearances, which makes sense because he is the sect heir. As an adopted son, Wei Wuxian can goof off; Jiang Cheng does not have that luxury. (Wei Wuxian is the son of two of Jiang Cheng’s father’s friends, who died when he was young. More on this later.) Jiang Cheng reminds Wei Wuxian and the other disciples that are with them that they are representing the Jiang sect and they should make a good impression.

They don’t think they can get to Cloud Recesses before dark so they get rooms at an inn.

ENTER A SNOB.

Jin Zixuan is the next fun character you’ll meet. He’s also 16 or thereabouts despite looking 24 at minimum. He is a sect heir to the Lanling Jin and he does not like being near or interacting with strangers. He pays the innkeeper to rent the whole inn and throw any other guests out. Is this a dick move? I’m trying to be unbiased here, so yes. Yes it is.

Wei Wuxian tries to flirt with a couple of Jin Zixuan’s retainers to get them to allow the Yunmeng siblings to stay, but Jin Zixuan decides to be a big jerk about it. Fun fact! Jin Zixuan is betrothed to Jiang Yanli! He is literally throwing his betrothed out of an inn so he doesn’t have to share a building with people. Wei Wuxian gets pissy and picks a fight with him but Jiang Yanli convinces him that he’s not worth it (although she is much nicer about it than any of us would be in her shoes), and they decide to head up to Cloud Recesses despite the time.

But alas! In their haste, they leave their invitation behind.

ENTER AN ICE PRINCE

As the Yunmeng trio try to talk their way past the gate, Lan Wangji arrives. Also 16, he is your classic stoic, repressed gay, and is the younger brother of the Lan Sect leader. With him are a bunch of Lan cultivators and a guy on a stretcher who is clearly in rough shape. The Lan cultivators carry him inside.

Wei Wuxian, pure of heart and dumb of ass, decides that this is a great time to try to talk his way through the gate, figuring that Lan Wangji, being an important person, can let them in. Lan Wangji reacts about how you would expect a stoic repressed gay would to a cute boy flirting with him for the first time: uses a silencing spell on him, tells him he’s absolutely not admitted without their invitation, and locks them out. 

Jiang Cheng, who has spent the last 3 minutes desperately trying to get his brother to shut up before he gets them all in trouble, sends him back to town to find the invitation.

Int. Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

ENTER A SOFT MAN AND HIS EXTREMELY STARCHED UNCLE

Lan Xichen, the head of the Lan sect and Lan Wangji’s older brother, is studying the guy they brought in, with his uncle. Lan Xichen is young for a sect leader (he’s only 19 in the book but probably 24-25ish in the show) and his uncle advises him a lot of the time. The guy they brought is kind of dead but also kind of not. They say a bunch of stuff you won’t understand if you have not seen xianxia dramas before. It’s not really important.

Ext. Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

RE-ENTER THE GREMLIN

Wei Wuxian has come back with the invitation to find the rest of his sect no longer waiting outside and all of Cloud Recesses sealed by wards. “Wards are made to be broken,” he says, demonstrating a clear lack of understanding of their purpose. It’s a good thing he’s here for school.

He breaks in, carrying a couple jars of liquor, only to find Lan Wangji standing guard. Lan Wangji reprimands him for breaking important Lan sect rules like a) not breaking and entering, b) not coming in after dark, and c) bringing alcohol, which is forbidden. Wei Wuxian offers him one of the jars because he is 16 and stupid and for some reason thought a bribe was what this situation needed. Lan Wangji pulls a sword on him, which is definitely a reasonable response and not because he has his first boner and he’s angry about it.

They have a sword fight, basically to a draw. Lan Wangji drags him in to see Lan Xichen, who clearly thinks this is hilarious. Wei Wuxian blames everything on Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji. He also says intelligent things about the not-a-corpse they’re examining, because the writers wanted us to know that he’s not a whole dumbass. Lan Xichen basically slaps him on the wrist, tells him to behave himself and sends him off to the guest house his siblings were given, and then teases Lan Wangji about Baby’s First Crush.

Ext, Nightless City [Qishan]

ENTER AN OVER THE TOP VILLAIN AND HIS HENCHMEN

Nightless City isn’t actually nightless. It’s just never dark there because it’s on top of a volcano, because that’s where all the cool villains live.

This is the home of the Qishan Wen, who are Obviously Evil from the Black Outfits, Volcano Lair, and Shuffling Zombies. Their leader is Wen Ruohan. His personality is that he is evil. He’s saying a bunch of stuff you won’t understand yet and then sends his Obnoxious Son Wen Chao off to look for something. He also sends Wen Qing, who is related to him somehow, presumably. She asks if she can bring her brother, Wen Ning, and Wen Ruohan says sure because all he cares about is Being Evil in his Zombie Volcano Lair.

Int, Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

ENTER A SLACKER and his friend, EVERY RETAIL EMPLOYEE DEALING WITH A KAREN YOU’VE EVER MET. 

They’re all at the first lecture, and there’s a ceremony where each visiting sect presents a gift to Lan Qiren (the uncle/teacher). I think we might see what the Jin give him but I don’t care. Right now we’re talking about Nie Huaisang, the younger brother of the sect leader of the Nie sect. He is baby. He has brought a bird to class for no reason other than that he caught it and thinks it’s cool. Presenting to the dour and stern Lan Qiren makes him nervous.

With him is Meng Yao. Unlike everyone else you’ve met so far, Meng Yao is not a member of the gentry. He is the son of the Jin sect leader and a prostitute. (Yes, this makes him Jin ‘I can’t breathe the same air as commoners’ Zixuan’s younger brother.) When he was old enough to do Sword Magic he went to the Jin sect and asked for admittance, and his father had him thrown down a set of 200 steps because his father is an Enormous Douche. (That’s not biased. Hating this dude is one of the few things everyone agrees on.) Then he went to the Nie sect, and they said, “Sure, you can come in, but you’re not really a disciple, mmkay?” and he said sure. But he has worked his way up to being the assistant to the sect leader which is a pretty important position for someone with his background. 

Naturally, because Meng Yao is Not Like the Others, a few people take this opportunity to gossip and talk smack about him. Meng Yao is upset but tries not to look it. Lan Xichen takes a moment to reassure him, saying that the Nie sect leader had written to him about what a helpful and awesome assistant he had now, and that Meng Yao obviously lived up to it. Meng Yao immediately develops the world’s Most Obvious Crush Don’t @ Me You Would Too.

ENTER MR. OBNOXIOUS, AN IRON MAIDEN, and A PUPPY. Fortunately these are the last characters you’ll meet for a while.

The Wen sect shows up at the gates of Cloud Recesses like ‘what up, I got a big attitude and fuck you’. The gate dude tells them they can’t come in without an invitation, and Wen Chao attacks him because he was raised in a volcano and they go in anyway. With Wen Chao are Wen Qing and her brother, Wen Ning. They are actually pretty awesome, you just don’t know it yet.

Wen Chao busts in on the Saluting Ceremony just as Jiang Cheng is trying to present their gift, and immediately begins insulting everyone there. You should count yourself fortunate that you’re only reading this because Wen Chao is literally the most obnoxious character in this show. Anyway, Wei Wuxian decides to pick a fight with him even though this is *obviously* a stupid thing to do. (I love Wei Wuxian with my whole heart but he is so stupid at 16 lmao.) He calls Wen Chao out on interrupting Jiang Cheng. Wen Chao reacts completely rationally and calmly BAHAHA who am I kidding, he pulls his sword out. Everyone else pulls their swords out. Wen Qing looks like she has the world’s worst migraine.

Lan Xichen takes out his flute and plays eight seconds of music that makes everyone’s swords go flying into the ceiling. Had I mentioned how awesome Lan Xichen is? Because he is Awesome.

Wen Chao gets even more pissy but Wen Qing shuts him down, saying she and her brother are there for Sword Wizard School and she’s sorry her cousin is such an asshole. Lan Xichen tells them to ‘try to come on time’ tomorrow. Had I mentioned how awesome Lan Xichen is? It bears repeating.

Ext, Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

Wei Wuxian is making fast friends with Nie Huaisang. They decide to go fishing in one of the streams. He sees Wen Qing sneaking around and asks what she’s doing there. She blows him off.

Meng Yao stops Lan Xichen and says goodbye to him. Lan Xichen asks why he’s leaving so soon, and Meng Yao says that he can’t actually stay for the lectures, since he’s only an assistant to the Nie sect, not a disciple. Lan Xichen tells him that Nie Mingjue (the head of the Nie sect) is just and honorable and will surely reward him for working so hard. They make heart eyes at each other for like a solid thirty seconds before Meng Yao manages to leave.  I’m sorry, I’m trying to be unbiased. They gaze at each other longingly – no, shit, that’s still biased. They, uh, regard each other with mutual respect for thirty solid seconds and then Meng Yao leaves.

Meanwhile Jiang Cheng is Fretting about the fact that Wei Wuxian is Making a Bad Impression. He ain’t seen nothing yet. Jiang Yanli calms him down.

Wen Qing talks to her brother Wen Ning and is sad because he’s sick. She promises him that someday they’ll be able to leave Nightless City.

Int, Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

Lan Qiren is lecturing. Wei Wuxian proposes some casual heresy. Lan Qiren gets mad and tells him to copy the Chapter of Conduct a thousand times, and throws him out of class. Jiang Cheng tries to crawl under his desk.

Instead of going to copy lines, Wei Wuxian wanders off and meets A PUPPY, ie Wen Ning. He is practicing his archery. Wei Wuxian proceeds to help him with his stance and Wen Ning looks like he just discovered his bisexuality. Wen Qing sees them together and is clearly not thrilled. Wei Wuxian asks her why she’s always wandering around the back hills of Cloud Recesses and asks if she’s looking for something. She tells him not to be stupid and leaves with her brother.

Lan Wangji drags Wei Wuxian back to the library for his punishment. Wei Wuxian proceeds to spend the next few hours doing Everything That Is Not That, which culminates in him exchanging Lan Wangji’s book for some porn when he’s not looking. Lan Wangji tears the porn up and tells him to piss off.

~romance~

Jiang Cheng: I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Wei Wuxian: I absolutely am.

They go back to their guest house. Wen Qing is there. She’s a doctor! Told you she was awesome. Jiang Yanli wasn’t feeling well and Wen Qing gave her some medicine. They talk about the fact that there aren’t lectures for a few days because Lan Qiren is off doing Official Stuff.

But there’s still fun to be had! There’s a water demon attacking people in the nearby town. Lan Xichen is worried that it’s serious and he’s going to go himself. Lan Wangji goes with him. Wei Wuxian asks if he and Jiang Cheng can go ‘get some practice’ as they fight lots of water demons in Yunmeng. Lan Xichen, remembering his brother’s obvious crush, says sure. Wen Ning wants to go too. So does Wen Qing. Lan Xichen suddenly feels like a chaperone on a field trip but says fine because he’s the cool older brother.

Wei Wuxian takes the opportunity to ask questions about the not-a-corpse from earlier. Lan Xichen politely tells him that’s it handled and not to worry about it. Wei Wuxian thinks there’s something he’s not telling him, and he mentions that to Lan Wangji, who agrees but won’t say so. Wei Wuxian can tell anyway because he’s learning to read Lan Wangji’s microexpressions.

They fight a water demon. Jiang Cheng gets injured and Wen Qing patches him up. He looks at her with puppy eyes. Some dumbass loses his sword in the water. Wen Ning tries to help him despite being uniquely unqualified to do so, and passes out. Wei Wuxian tries to rescue both of them, and Lan Wangji ends up rescuing all three of them despite clearly wanting to let the water demon eat them. Jiang Cheng buys a comb to give to Wen Qing but chickens out and doesn’t give it to her. Wei Wuxian deduces that Wen Ning’s illness is because of a previous bad experience with ghostly spirits or something, and gives Wen Qing a talisman to give to her brother that will help protect him from monsters. He says that no matter what she’s looking for at Cloud Recesses, he hopes the talisman will help Wen Ning.

Then he tries to buy Lan Wangji some fruit as a gift. Lan Wangji refuses to look at him. Lan Xichen starts mentally writing wedding invitations.

Ext. Nightless City [Qishan]

ENTER AN EDGELORD (sorry I forgot about him, in fact I think this happened earlier but the timing isn’t really important)

Meet Xue Yang. You have no idea who he is. Wen Ruohan is demanding he hand over something called yin iron. Xue Yang’s response to this is basically ‘choke me harder, Daddy’ and you’re left feeling vaguely disturbed.

Int. Cloud Recesses [Gusu]

It’s party time! Wei Wuxian smuggled some liquor back with him. He, Jiang Cheng, and Nie Huaisang get drunk. They give Jiang Cheng a hard time about his high standards for women.

Lan Wangji comes in like the hall monitor you hated in high school to break it up. Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang run away. Wei Wuxian uses a talisman on Lan Wangji to keep him from reporting them and make him take a drink of the alcohol. We all remind ourselves very firmly that he is only 16 and will do stupid shit, despite wanting to slap him. Lan Wangji has never had alcohol before and one drink makes him blackout drunk. Wei Wuxian has to babysit him for the rest of the night. Serves him right.

The next day, they’re all in trouble, even Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian tries to tell Lan Qiren that it’s not Lan Wangji’s fault, but Lan Wangji accepts his punishment anyway. They get hit with a stick a bunch of times.

Lan Wangji goes to recuperate in the cold springs. Lan Xichen, the world’s biggest troll, sends Wei Wuxian to do the same. Lan Wangji nearly has an aneurysm when Wei Wuxian tries to start taking his clothes off.

ENTER THE PLOT

They get pulled underwater and end up in a cave. It’s a magic cave where only members of the Lan clan are allowed to be. To keep the cave from killing him, Lan Wangji wraps his Magic Forehead Ribbon around Wei Wuxian’s wrist. This is the same magic forehead ribbon he told Wei Wuxian ten episode minutes ago that only parents, spouses, and children are allowed to touch. Draw what conclusions you will.

There’s a ghostly lady in the cave who is Lan Wangji’s ancestor. She tells them Evil Is Abroad. A long time ago a dude named Xue Chonghai took a bunch of pieces of metal and filled them full of evil energy. Everyone banded together and killed him, but the metal couldn’t be completely destroyed, so it was split into ‘the cardinal directions’ and then sealed and hidden. Ah ha! This is what Wen Ruohan is looking for! It’s called Evil MacGuffin yin iron.

Wei Wuxian says if it’s so powerful, why don’t they use it to fight back? Ghost lady says she tried that but it’s too evil and it doesn’t work. She gives them the piece that was sealed in the cave and tells them to go fight evil together. Lan Wangji is glad it’s too cold to have a boner.

Except then she throws them out of the cave and onto dry land and Wei Wuxian lands on top of him and he definitely gets one from that. Sorry, Lan Wangji, I don’t make the rules.

They’ve been missing for two days and everyone is really upset, especially Jiang Cheng, who thinks Wei Wuxian was just goofing off.

Lan Xichen takes the piece of yin iron they got in the cave and seals it in a pouch. They discuss the fact that Wen Ruohan is clearly collecting the pieces of yin iron and this is Bad News Bears. The yin iron will respond to other pieces of yin iron so they decide they should use the piece they have to locate the other pieces.

But first, classes are over! Despite the fact that each of these events has led seamlessly into the next and it seems like they’ve been there a week, they’ve actually been there six months. If you dealt with the Teen Wolf ‘timeline’ I assume you can deal with that lmao.

There’s a lantern-lighting ceremony to celebrate. Wei Wuxian paints a rabbit on his lantern because there were a bunch of rabbits in the cave and Lan Wangji clearly likes rabbits. This makes Lan Wangji smile for the first time. They all light their lanterns and make a wish.

Wei Wuxian wishes he can stand with justice and live without regrets. Lan Wangji looks at him like he’s about to propose. Wen Qing wishes she could protect her little brother and that he’ll always be safe. Jiang Cheng looks at her like he’s about to propose. Nie Huaisang wishes he can pass his classes and get the hell out of high school. Truly, the most relatable.

But the moment is ruined because people start teasing Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli, asking why they didn’t light a lantern together and wish for a happy marriage. Jin Zixuan, the paragon of reacting reasonably to things, storms off. He tells his sect members he doesn’t want to hear about the marriage and they should stop bringing it up. Wei Wuxian overhears and they get into a fight. Jiang Yanli manages to get Wei Wuxian to back off.

The next day, Wei Wuxian is being punished for punching a jerk in the face. He is kneeling on the rocks of the courtyard. But he’s already gotten distracted because there’s an anthill and he has ADHD. Lan Wangji calls him ‘unteachable’ and stomps off, clearly mad at his boner like usual.

Because this is kind of important, the two sect leaders have showed up to hash it out. Jiang Yanli’s dad says ‘listen, if your son doesn’t want to marry my daughter, we shouldn’t force him’. Jin Zixuan’s dad says, ‘kids are stupid and they don’t know what they want’. Jiang Yanli’s dad says, ‘well I absolutely agree your son is stupid but he’s being a jerk to my daughter so why don’t we politely call this off before something happens that makes one of us impolitely call it off’, and Jin Zixuan’s dad agrees. Jiang Yanli is upset, although why she actually wanted to marry Jin Zixuan is beyond everyone involved, including the audience. Then again it can’t be easy to hear that some dude who has barely even met you has decided you’re not good enough for him.

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian sees Lan Xichen telling Lan Wangji ‘be careful’ and correctly deduces that Lan Wangji is leaving with the yin iron to try to find the other pieces, while Lan Xichen stays behind to protect Cloud Recesses since the Wen sect thinks it’s still there. He leaves a note that says ‘gone monster hunting, meet you back at home!’ Jiang Cheng nearly has an aneurysm, especially when his dad is like ‘lmao that kid is such a dumbass’.

~end Sword Wizard School~

okay, guys, what did you think? was this helpful? could you follow it? was it at least vaguely entertaining? should I keep going?

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

if this was a dream pt. 3

i want to apologize in advance because this is literally like 4 chapters in a trench coat... i'm serious chapter 1 was just over 1000 words and this is over 4000, I have no idea what happened. the reason I didn't break it up is because it is very alastair-centric. I promise next chapter we will get back to thomas and see how he's doing with the actual amnesia part of it all.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Fanfiction Masterlist | AO3

Alastair pulled his coat tightly around himself, trying to keep his breathing steady. The walk from the Institute to Cornwall Gardens was long, but it would give him far more time to clear his head than borrowing a carriage or hailing a hansom cab. He fell into the rhythm of his footsteps; this was familiar to him. He had spent more hours than he could count just walking and walking, trying to run from this life the universe had given him. 

Now, though, even his walking was infected by Thomas. 

Sometimes, I simply needed to get away from all of the hovering. There was this bit of forest near our house in Idris… it was nice, peaceful. The perfect escape, somewhere to wander until I was too spent to continue. Drove my parents a bit mad, but it was what I needed. 

Alastair told him about the woods around Cirenworth, how it was his escape, too. He’d memorized nearly every corner of that forest over the years. It was somewhere where he could pretend to be someone, anyone else. He could be no one, even. He’d left most of the details out, as he often did when discussing his childhood. He trusted Thomas completely, but there were some things he preferred to leave in the past. 

Now, his sleepless body ached against the increasing pace of his footsteps, pushing forward as if moving quickly enough could outrun the tears burning behind his eyes. He did not know if he could do this again. If Thomas never regained his memories, could Alastair convince him to forgive him again? Their original circumstances were quite peculiar. Could Alastair survive trying to gain his forgiveness again? 

He’d do anything for Thomas, he knew. He loved him, even if he’d never said it out loud. And as he said it now, even in the safety of his own mind, it felt far different than it ever did with Charles on the receiving end. With Charles, love felt strangling. It was shackles to his ankles and wrists, tying him to his misery. Looking back, it was not love at all. With Thomas, he felt free. Thomas made the impossible feel possible. 

It isn’t possible. It won’t ever be.

He heard his own words repeated back to him. He knew where this was headed from the start. This is how it all works out for Alastair Carstairs. He knew this time would be no different, even if he hoped it would. 

He loathed this feeling inside of him. He’d been doing well. He’d been happy. Now all he could think of were his own self-doubts, his own self-hatred, his age-old desire to run away to the farthest stretches of the Earth in the middle of the night, never to return. 

A better partner, a better person would not be so consumed in these thoughts as he was. A better partner would not be the recipient of such hatred from the man he loved at all, memories or not. A better partner would know what to do, how to ease the pain and anxiety that flooded Thomas’ eyes rather than exacerbate them. He was not better, however. He could never be what Thomas deserved. He knew it from the start, but it felt different, being thrown in his face now. 

Perhaps it would be better this way, he thought, for it to end like this. It was going to end eventually, as all things do. Perhaps this way would hurt Thomas less, even if Alastair would always wonder what could have happened if he’d tried a little harder, if he’d been a little less horrible, if he’d been a little bit stronger, a bit braver.

He was being ridiculous, he knew. Thomas merely needed time. He’d just woken up from his injury, six months displaced, no less. He was grieving his sister again, even more than before. Alastair wanted to ease Thomas’ pain, but he could not, and thus, Thomas needed time and space and he would give it to him. 

Before he realized it, he had returned to his home. He could not remember most of the walk, his feet guiding him through the city he now knew a bit too well as his mind wandered to a place he couldn’t quite reach with his consciousness. 

He slowly unlocked the door and sighed as he hung his coat. Cordelia started quickly down the stairs but froze as her expression fell when she saw the look on his face. 

Realizing what she must be thinking, Alastair quickly shook his head. “He’s alright. He woke up. He simply… appears to be missing about the past six months of memory.” 

Cordelia frowned, her face softening as she continued down the stairs and embraced her brother. “Oh, dâdash. Are you alright?” 

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? Thomas is alive and awake. He just hates me.” 

She sighed. “He doesn’t hate you. I don’t think he ever truly did.” 

He shook his head. “He thinks he does. Or he wants to. What’s it matter?” 

“Take a seat, dâdash. We just made tea, I’ll bring some out.” Before he could protest, she left for the kitchen. 

He settled into one of the armchairs. When Cordelia returned, she took the one beside his and began to pour tea for each of them. “You two will work your way through this, you know. Whatever happens.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Are you joking? I don’t think I’ve ever met two people better matched. It’s as if you share the same soul or something.” 

He gritted his teeth. “Most would say we’re opposites.” 

“You act like opposites. Believe it or not, though, behaving grumpy or cheerful are not personality traits. In all the ways that matter, you’re two halves of one whole. It makes me utterly green with envy sometimes, seeing the two of you together, the way that you understand each other so completely. 

“I love James, of course, with my whole being. But if I’m being honest, for a long time I thought that the reason I liked him was because he reminded me of Father, all introverted and bookish and such. Now, I’m merely trying to decipher what was real and what was not, what parts of me are genuine and which ones are simply who I thought I needed to be to please him. James, too, is finding himself again after all that happened with Grace. Sometimes, it feels as though we’re two clueless children stumbling around with no sense of self, for some reason placed in this big house with adult responsibilities. It’s an utter mess sometimes, though every moment is worth it. 

“Yet you… somehow, despite everything, despite all of the odds stacked against you, despite so much pain and fear, you found yourself and your soulmate all in one person. It’s what you deserve, dâdash, what you both deserve. You will find a way.” 

He did not quite believe her, but he would not argue. 

“Are you going to be alright?” she asked, cocking her head. 

He nodded and then paused for a moment. “I don’t know how I’ll explain this to Mâmân.” Despite all the trouble it’s caused, she still did not know the truth about his time in school. 

“I could, if you’d like?” Cordelia offered. 

He sighed. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to keep the entire matter out of his own hands. He shook his head. “It’s time I did, I think.” 

She gave him a bit of a frown but nodded. “If you’re sure.” 

“I’m tired of lying. I spent enough time keeping secrets when Father was alive.” He stood from the chair. 

“I’m here if you need me.” 

He started up the staircase, mustering up a more positive expression as to not worry his mother too much before he could get the words out. He found her in her bedroom, resting in an armchair a few feet away from Rostam’s bassinet. He approached his baby brother first, giving him a small smile though he was fast asleep. It could have been his mind playing tricks on him, but he was certain Rostam was bigger than he’d been just a few days ago. 

“He just fell asleep,” his mother said softly. He turned to her. Her eyes looked tired, though no more tired than they had a few days earlier, and certainly no more tired than his own. “Come, azizam, what are you doing home? Did something happen?”

Alastair shook his head. “Thomas is awake; he’s alright.” 

“Why aren’t you with him?” she asked after a small stretch of silence. 

“He… He has amnesia. He doesn’t remember anything past last summer. It’s best if I keep my distance for a bit.” 

His mother gave him a small smile. “It’ll be okay, Alastair joon. He’ll understand given a bit of time.” 

Alastair didn’t look at her. “Maybe. I don’t know. He… he’s quite angry with me. The original circumstances under which he forgave me were fairly bizarre to begin with.” 

“Forgive you for what, dear? What could possibly be so terrible that he would not forgive you?” 

He sighed. He knew he could not avoid this conversation any longer. “I… It was something that happened at school.” He paused for a moment. “I know you think that I got on well with everyone at the Academy, but… That isn’t the truth. When I first arrived, all of the other boys could tell that I was an easy target. I was smaller than them, and… there were rumors. After a while, I just couldn’t bear it any longer. I… I was always quite good with words, as you know. I learned that using them to cut down others would get me a good laugh, and as long as the other boys were laughing they weren’t…” He trailed off. How was he meant to tell his mother this? “It took the attention off of me.” 

“By the time James and Thomas and their friends arrived the next year, I was so angry, at everyone and everything… I was so jealous of them. They had…” Picture perfect families, he wanted to say, though he could not. “They had these perfect lives, or at least they appeared that way to me. They never had to worry about attracting the wrong attention on the street or being humiliated because their families couldn’t afford to hire private tutors. They never had to worry about anything but growing up.” 

“Alastair…” his mother started. “I know we never discussed things of this nature. It’s alright that you were angry. They benefited from society in ways that rejected you merely by circumstances of birth. But that wasn’t their fault.” 

“I know. I know that now, now that I’m older. I know that my anger was misplaced. But when I was in school, society was too big. I only saw what was in front of me. I thought that if I must be cruel to someone, it should be to them. I said terrible, dreadful things about them and their families, things that should never be repeated. They did nothing to deserve the way I treated them. Thomas was kind to me, one of the only people who was ever kind to me in my two years there, and yet I still slandered his family. Last summer, he learned of the things I had said when he was not listening. That is what he remembers now.” 

There was a long stretch of silence. Alastair would not look his mother in the eyes. “I always knew that you had a hard time at school, Alastair,” she said finally. “Your lies were never too convincing. I could see how you’d changed. I… I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry.” 

He knew it, too. He knew how his parents had spoken about him in those years, lamenting about what a miserable and difficult teenager he’d grown into when he and his sister were not in the room. He also knew how his father only ever seemed to care about Alastair’s destructive behavior when his mother began to pester him about his drinking. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

“The world was cruel to you, and I could not protect you from it, but I should have tried. You were a child, my child, I am your mother, and I was meant to protect you, but I did not. Not just from the world, but from… your father, I know. Be kind to yourself, azizam. Regardless of what cruel things you did while trying to balance the weight of the world on small shoulders, it seems to me that those you hurt have forgiven you. You simply have not forgiven yourself.” 

“Perhaps they shouldn’t have. Perhaps I never deserved their forgiveness in the first place.” 

Sona sighed. “Forgiveness is not deserved, Alastair. We forgive for our own wellbeing, so that we can let go and move on. If you will not fight for Thomas on your own behalf, fight on his. He deserves to forgive you, to heal from these wounds of the past. He deserves to be loved by you.” 

Alastair didn’t respond. 

“It pains me to see you like this. You deserve to forgive, too. You deserve to forgive yourself and all who have caused you pain. You deserve to be free of it. As long as you keep such a tight grip on it all, you will only continue to destroy yourself, and as long as you continue to destroy yourself, you will hurt those who love you as well. Please-” she cut herself off, her voice breaking. Her voice trembled as she began again, and he realized for a striking moment that he had never seen her this vulnerable before. He’d witnessed her pain after Elias’ death, and he’d caught glimpses of her sorrow before it, but she’d always kept her truest self tightly locked. “Please, my love, promise me that you’ll try. You can start with me.” 

He looked up at her abruptly, startled. He opened his mouth to protest, but before he could find the words, she’d stood and crossed the few feet between them. 

She took his hands in hers. Seeing the pain in her eyes, he wanted desperately to look away but he could not. “Please, forgive me. Forgive me for all of the ways that I’ve failed you. You were too young for the burdens I placed upon you. I never should have allowed you to take on that responsibility. Please, forgive me for all of the times I overlooked your pain because I was distracted by my own. I am so sorry, Alastair, for each and every time I hurt you and dismissed you. I did the best with what I had, but if I could go back in time and teach myself to be a little stronger, a little braver, to be a better mother than I was, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can’t. All I can do is promise to try to be a better mother, not just to your brother, but to you as well. If it’s not too late.” Careful tears streamed down her cheeks, rare as they were. 

He shook his head, feeling his own tears spill. He fell into her embrace, holding her tightly, as he had not done since he was a small child. “I forgive you,” he said softly, and he meant it. 

They stood for a long while, holding each other, taking comfort in each other and the silence. Until Rostam began to cry. They pulled away from each other awkwardly. 

“I should… get some rest,” Alastair said, trying to pull himself together. He realized suddenly that he had no idea what time it was or when he’d last slept or eaten. 

Sona nodded. “Of course. I love you, Alastair. I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. I’m sorry that you and Thomas are struggling right now, but I know that you two are strong and resilient. With a bit of time and healing, this will pass.” 

He nodded, unable to respond without breaking down again. 

He returned to his bedroom to the sound of his mother soothing his newborn brother. Shutting his door behind him, he felt the exhaustion of the past several days settled deep into his bones. With heavy movements, he changed into clean clothes, leaving the old ones in a heap on the floor. Typically, he would be horrified at the thought of anything in his room so out of place, but he could not find the energy within himself to care.

He collapsed into his bed, drifting into a deep, dreamless sleep, repeating his mothers words back to himself in his mind. If only forgiving himself would come as easily as forgiving her. 

* * *

The next two days passed as a blur. He’d slept heavily the first night. Cordelia had reportedly attempted to wake him for dinner, but settled on bringing a bit of food to his bedroom instead. 

The next day passed a bit more normally, though Alastair still felt quite scattered. He’d appeared well-enough put together, however, for Cordelia to feel comfortable going home, so he supposed that was a good sign. Kamala had come for a visit, too, though he wasn’t much in the mood for talking, and they wound up just giving Rostam a bath and discussing Kamala’s latest read. 

The day after that had slowly begun to feel more normal, more balanced. Until Gideon Lightwood arrived at his door. 

Alastair stared at him for a moment before regaining his composure. He began to call him Mr. Lightwood before stopping himself. It still felt a bit odd to call him by his given name. “Gideon, hello. What are you doing here? Did something happen?” 

“No, no,” he said quickly. “Everything’s fine. Thomas is doing well; he’s feeling much better, though no significant improvements to his memory.” 

Alastair nodded. “That’s good. That he’s feeling better, I mean.” 

“I came here to check on you, actually.” 

“Oh.” He paused. “You didn’t need to do that.” 

“I wanted to. Well, we all did, Sophie, Eugenia, and I, but I was the most persuasive.” He smiled as he spoke, as if smug at the accomplishment of being delegated the one to come visit him. 

“Right, er, come in,” he gestured for Gideon to enter and take a seat in the sitting room. “You’re in luck; my mother just made tea if you’d like some.” 

He nodded. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you.” 

Alastair returned a few moments later and began pouring tea. “It was very kind of you to come, but I’m truly alright. Just worried about Thomas is all.” 

Gideon nodded. “Of course. As I said, he’s doing well, or as well as can be expected under the circumstances. I know it is difficult for him, feeling so disconnected. Regardless of the brave face he puts on. It’s frustrating for him, as if we’ve all got some sort of inside joke that he isn’t in on.” 

He could imagine it: the quick glances, the brief answers to Thomas’ many questions. He was certain it was driving him mad. “I wish there was something I could do to help.” 

Gideon gave him a small smile. “Because he’s feeling better, his friends are coming by today to attempt to fill him in on the time that he’s missing. I’m certain there will be gaps, though. Perhaps afterwards he will be more open to speaking with you.” 

Alastair didn’t know how to tell him that he wasn’t so sure Thomas’ friends would be singing his praises. 

“You should stop by the Institute tomorrow if you’re free,” Gideon offered. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” 

“It’s up to Thomas, of course, if he would like to see you, but if nothing else I know that Sophie and Eugenia would love for you to come by.” 

Alastair didn’t respond for a long moment. He’d spent these past couple of days mainly sleeping and caring for his brother, but also ruminating over his conversation with his mother. He began to make a mental list, both of the things he felt he had not forgiven himself for and the things he had not forgiven others for. Before he knew it, the list was distressingly lengthy. He had no idea where to even begin. Perhaps if he could put this one mistake behind him, whatever that meant, the rest would seem less overwhelming. 

He knew that he would never forgive himself for how he hurt Thomas’ family as long as the terrible things he’d done went unspoken. Perhaps that was why he never brought it up. “Did Thomas ever tell you why he was angry with me?” 

Gideon narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “Something that happened back at school, wasn’t it?” 

Alastair nodded. He memorized the way Gideon looked at him now, prepared to only be looked upon with hatred in a few moments. He exhaled and looked down, too cowardly to watch the expression change. “I said things… horrible things about your family. About your wife and about Thomas and about Henry Fairchild, but mainly about you, the Consul, and Matthew. There were rumours going around that he was your child, and I repeated them to him. I repeated them after, too. I have reasons for the way I behaved at school, but I have no reasons for that. I was simply angry. Matthew and I were both terrible to each other, and I was so angry for so many reasons. I did not think of the consequences of my words. I am so, so sorry. I am so sorry for the role I played in causing your family such pain.” 

“It’s okay,” Gideon replied gently. Alastair looked up in surprise to see not a hint of the hatred he was expecting. Seeing the confused look on his face, he continued. “Obviously, I’m not happy that you said cruel things about my loved ones, but it was a long time ago, and I would be a hypocrite to not recognize a man who regrets his mistakes and has learned from them. You make my son happy, Alastair. That more than makes up for anything you might’ve said when you were younger, in my eyes.” He flashed him a smile and gave an exaggerated sigh. “Here I was, worried that you’d killed someone or something.” 

“Well, I’ve also done that, but it’s not what Thomas is angry about.” 

Gideon stared at him, clearly unsure over whether or not he was serious. 

“Joking,” he said quickly. “...kind of.” 

He looked back at him hesitantly. “Do you… want to talk about it?” 

“Ha, no. Not today.” His guilt surrounding the deaths of Clive Cartwright and his father would need to be addressed another time. 

“Right,” Gideon responded. “Thank you for telling me this, Alastair. I appreciate your honesty. I only have one question, why did you not say anything about this before? It was clearly bothering you. Did you fear we would reject you?” 

“I…” That seemed like the logical answer, wasn’t it? Yet he knew it was not the correct one. “I think that perhaps it was the opposite. I was just so ashamed… and I knew that as long as I held on to that, I would never allow myself to truly get too close. I know how horrible that sounds, and I know it hurt Thomas, too, but for some reason that,” he gestured vaguely with his hands, “was scarier than anything else. I’m sorry, I know that doesn’t make sense-” 

“It does. I understand, Alastair, even if I don’t like that you felt you had to do that. I know the past couple of months have been complicated for you, though in many ways less complicated than the years before. It will always be your choice, but know that there will always be a place for you in my life, whether you and Thomas are together or not. But I will not ever blame you for anything you feel you are not able to do.”

Alastair nodded, feeling a soreness at the back of this throat that indicated impending tears. 

“You should stop by tomorrow and visit us. It’s up to you, but I think that it would be helpful for you to speak with Sophie, too. I will not repeat anything to her, lest you decide not to. I do think it would be somewhat of a relief, though. We thought that the reason you were so distant was because you disliked us.” 

“What?” He silently cursed the pain in his voice. 

“Joking,” Gideon teased with a chuckle. “Kind of.” 

Alastair exhaled, feeling a bit of the tension release, and gave him half of an eye roll. 

“Please, tell me honestly, Alastair, are you doing alright?” 

He nodded in response, finally feeling it to be true. 

“I shall take my leave then. The tea was truly lovely, by the way. You must pass my thanks unto your mother.” 

“I will.” 

“See you tomorrow, then?” 

“Tomorrow,” Alastair responded before he could stop himself. He stood to see him out, but was surprised when Gideon met him with a hug goodbye. 

“Thank you for chatting with me.” 

“Thank you for… checking in.” 

Gideon smiled at him and donned his coat and hat. Alastair watched him as he departed, feeling more at peace now than he had in quite a while.

thanks so much for reading! taglist (reply, ask, or message to be added/removed): @stxr-thxif @satanisanauthor @zosiaenrique @lifewouldbebetteronmars @littlx-songbxrd @dianasarrow @kamalajcshi @bookswitchcraftandcats @jamesherondaleofficial @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @livingformyself @anarmorofwords @foxglove-airmid

[bloomingundertheshadows]

I can't get over the fact that schmico have been together longer than Amelink, Magston and Marina on station 19 who just got married in their finale. It just makes it seem grey's doesn't really have an interest in writing for queer men beyond using Jake and schmico for press.

Oh anon, little did you know, you've brought forth another one of my midnight rants. This has been bothering me for so long, and finally I can justify discussing it at length. Other people have spoken about this, but I have no life, so here we are. In short, you are correct. But, there is so much to discuss, so get your drinks and snacks ready:

What bothers me about the fact that Schmico has been together longer than Amelink/Marina/Magston is the complete disparity between how the writers portray the intimacy of these relationships. Don't be bamboozled - I don't mean sex or anything. By intimacy I mean that the writers portray Amelink/Marina/Magston as serious relationships where the characters have an emotional understanding of one another and truly carry that sense of people who know one another as partners. Obviously relationships move at different paces, but if I showed Schmico to someone without forcing them to do the math, I think most people would assume they'd been together a year at most. They fight like they are just getting out of the honeymoon phase and figuring out their boyfriend has real flaws. Quite frankly both of their behaviors (Levi constantly pushing Nico's boundaries, the whole weird ass sex buddies thing, Nico flipping out over drawers, and Levi running away ) are insane for a couple who by the start of season 17, were probably together like 2 years. Maybe I overestimate emotional maturity, but these are grown men, and you cannot convince me that these two would have made it to season 16B if they behaved like this regularly. I hate it. I hate how other couples have been together shorter time periods and get to behave like a valid adult relationship while these two are behaving like teenagers.

I've always felt Schmico existed within a pocket dimension of Grey's Anatomy - completely cut off from the rest of the cast/storyline or overall plot. I literally feel like the show stops whenever they come on screen, and we start watching this mini-show within a show. I don't know if anyone else can describe this feeling, but sometimes Schmico just feels so unnaturally placed that I doubt they are even in Grey's Anatomy. 

The best way I can prove this is the fact you could place this season's schmico storyline anywhere in the season, and it wouldn't even matter. They could have had Nico ask Levi to move in with him during 17x05 or 17x06 or 17x07, etc and it would not have mattered - they are so isolated you can literally cut and paste their storyline anywhere in the season without changing anything. (I realize that technically vax guy can only appear in the last episode because of when the actual vaccine was developed, but let's not pretend he couldn't have been replaced with literally any other male character. The vaccine trial was a fun tidbit, but literally meaningless to the progression of the plot). Nothing that happens to them is dependent on anyone or anything else in the show. This wasn’t as true in S15-16A, but it is on full display now. Every once in while they get pulled into a cameo appearance in a bigger plot-line, but this has no real consequences and lasts for 1 minute at most (see Nico’s numb comments). The fundamental cause of this is poor character development and the complete unwillingness of production to make these characters part of Grey’s - but we all know that. 

As a result, I truly believe the writers have some sort of temporal disorientation where even they forget how long schmico has been together. Because schmico is so dissociated from the show, it feels like the relationship is on warpspeed. Sure, a few weeks may have passed between Nico asking Levi to move in and him actually responding, but when you never see the characters in the show except for when they’re having relationship issues, it doesn’t actually feel like any time has passed. They have taken away the audience’s ability to place these characters within the show’s timeline (which is already kind of messed up to begin with). I think this contributes to the audience’s dislike of them because while other couples are seen interacting with many doctors across the hospital  over multiple episodes, these two will show up for 3 minutes every two episodes and the rest of the show stops while these two get locked in an enclosed space to fight. Literally. The show isolates them to closets or on call rooms or even Nico’s apartment - if I was more meh about these characters, I’d  be annoyed too that we stopped all character interactions to watch these two fight in the middle of a deserted parking lot.  

This whole pocket dimension schmico is also part of the reason I think the writers struggle to figure out that they shouldn’t be behaving like this. I’m not giving them a free pass because they are part of the problem, but I doubt incorporating this side couple that only gets 1.45 minutes of screen time each week is a fun or easy job. Schmico are not woven into the fabric of the narrative, and I bet even the writers feel confused how best to write them. 

I imagine the Grey’s writing room has lots of whiteboards that roughly charts a character’s plot each season. Except, schmico’s plotline is written on sticky note that Krista uses as a coaster. Once they complete the episode, someone notices Jake walking by and suddenly realizes they’d forgotten schmico. Then, there’s a desperate attempt to shove them into the story before filming begins. In the crunch, there’s no time to consider whether this makes any sense. 

As for your second point about them only using them for promotion, I 100% agree. The headlines about “Grey’s Anatomy introduces first Asian male surgeon” literally haunts my dreams. I’ve spoken at length about the fact Grey’s is running on a season-by-season format right now, which I think helped contribute to this nonsense. I am hesitant to call out anyone by name because this show is a group effort, but I can’t help but feel like Jake kind of got forked. He (and Alex) put out a lot of press for Greys during Season 15, and he spent a decent amount of time talking about his storyline, and I always felt he was pretty happy with it - and Krista also spent time hyping up this storyline (Your friendly neighborhood reminder that Krista once said schmico was her favorite couple. I can’t prove it’s a lie, but I’m willing to bet my left kidney). However, they totally dropped the ball once the news articles were gone and the internet had moved onto different things. It’s pretty insulting to the actors, and I would feel pretty salty if I came onto a show where I started with a meangingful storyline only to end up here.  

I have nothing too much to say in conclusion. Most of this has been said before, so it’s not like I’m adding anything new. Given how everything ended, Season 18 is looking good for both Jake and Alex’s return. While I can’t say for sure they will come back, I think that right now, Grey’s is giving them both a steady paycheck and probably good connections and resume building. Last season I was super hopeful we’d get a better schmico storyline or at least something that didn’t revolve around the same old tired plot. But we all see how that went. At the bare minimum I want to believe that the Nico’s a d*ck plot will kind of be put to rest, but they have made it pretty clear that Nico is literally at fault for everything in this relationship, so I bet Levi will be mad at him next season too. 

Good thing the fanfiction is strong in the community. May you all rest well knowing you put more effort into this couple than paid professionals.