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lets-talk-appella · 7 years ago

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Bechloe fic: Chloe’s Secret

I came across a Drabble Challenge some weeks back and decided to work off of the prompt “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.” Well, after I accidentally made it much longer than I thought it would be, I’m finished with it!

Summary: Chloe needs to know why Jesse broke up with Beca. She secretly goes to LA to confront him for hurting her best friend. Timeline: Five months after PP2, so PP3 hasn’t happened yet.

Word count: 7k+

It’s hotter in Los Angeles. That’s the first thing Chloe notices when she steps out of the airport, lugging her suitcase behind her. She squints in the afternoon sunlight, unaccustomed to the time difference that she already knows is going to mess up her strict sleep schedule. She’d just gotten it to where she felt comfortable working the somewhat strange hours at her veterinary internship. Of course, her schedule had nothing on Beca’s. Beca usually left first in the morning, and sometimes didn’t get back until well after dark. Chloe was in awe; she had no idea how Beca managed it.

Beca. Chloe’s confident steps falter for a moment before she continues her search for a taxi. Her chest aches at the thought of her best friend. What would she say if she knew where Chloe was? Beca, who had spent the last three days rotating between tears, apathy, relief, and confusion. Chloe swallows hard as she dodges around people to find a good vantage point on the curb from which to hail a taxi. She’d never seen Beca like that and it had scared her. It was the reason she was in LA now.

Chloe’s shoulder is becoming tired from the strain of dragging her suitcase behind her. Honestly, she isn’t even sure why she’d bothered packing a whole suitcase; she really wasn’t planning on staying in the city for more than two nights. She supposed she’d had to put up a front for Beca and Amy. She feels horrible for leaving Beca and for lying to her and Amy, but she’d had no other choice.

She’d already been planning to fly to visit her parents in Florida, so it had been easy to switch her plane ticket. Her parents had been upset at first, but when she had explained the situation, they’d understood. Chloe had considered staying with Beca, who clearly needed support, but she knew Beca would be taken care of by Amy’s promise of “a weekend big enough to drown any and all sorrows in copious amounts of alcohol.” Even with the knowledge, Chloe had barely been able to stomach lying to her roommates. Beca and Amy still thought she was in Florida visiting her parents. They had no idea she was in LA to see the person who’d destroyed her best friend: Jesse.

Chloe knows what she’s doing is borderline insane. But it’s something she needs to do. She’d watched her best friend fall apart in front of her and she’d never felt so helpless in her life. She needs to know why Beca is being put through this by one of the few people she’d trusted completely. Chloe fully intends to break down Jesse’s door and demand to know why he hurt Beca.

Beca. A trickle of unease runs through Chloe even as she flings her arm into the air in a hurried attempt to signal a taxi. Maybe she should have stayed in New York; Beca needed her. She’d looked at Chloe with such huge, sorrowful eyes when they had hugged goodbye for the weekend.

As Chloe finally catches the eye of a cab driver, the reality of what she’s doing sinks in. God, this is crazy. She’d just up and gone to LA in yet another act of impulsivity. Where will she stay? Her return flight isn’t until late Sunday, and today is Friday. Should she sight-see while she’s here? What if something happens to her and no one ever knew where she went because she lied and she becomes one of those girls on the posters and –

Her spiraling thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of the taxi. The driver starts to get out to help her haul her suitcase into the trunk, but she waves him off and sets it in herself. She closes the trunk and swings herself into the back of the cab, noting that the driver’s name is Archie.

“Where to, miss?” Archie asks.

Chloe gives Archie Jesse’s address, which she’d stolen from the box of Beca’s things he had shipped to them the other day. That had been a low blow.

Archie nods and the taxi leaves the curb. Chloe closes her eyes and lets her head rest back on the seat. It occurs to her that Jesse might not even be at his apartment when she gets there. What if he’s shopping? Or worse, what if he’s entertaining a new girlfriend at his place? Chloe had wondered if he’d been cheating on Beca, but Beca had denied it. Of course, Jesse could have lied about it.

Chloe’s eyebrows pull together; maybe this is a mistake. Is what happened between Beca and Jesse really any of her business? What would Beca say if she saw Chloe right now? Chloe sighs – she knows Beca would probably be furious with her and would tell her to go home. And yet… Beca had been really hurting. Isn’t it Chloe’s job, as Beca’s best friend, to protect her from pain? Chloe can’t just stand by after what she’d watched Beca go through since the breakup.

The breakup had happened on Tuesday. Beca was scheduled for only a half-day at work and had been looking forward to the rare time off. Chloe had been excited about it, too, having taken the day off from her own internship. She’d planned a short drive and a picnic to get out of the city for a few hours for a late lunch. It was so rare that Beca got time off from her job and Chloe was planning on taking full advantage. She’d been squealing about it for days. Beca pretended to be annoyed by it, but Chloe knew that she was just as excited to spend time with her; they both wanted the day to be perfect.

So, Chloe got an unpleasant sense of foreboding when Beca had stormed into their apartment after her morning at work, clearly upset and on the phone with Jesse. Phone fights weren’t new for them; their relationship had felt strained for some time, but Chloe could already tell that this one was different.

She stood at the small kitchen table, packing their sandwiches for the day into a little picnic basket she’d bought specifically for the occasion when Beca arrived, flinging open the door carelessly and pressing her phone harshly into her ear. Chloe had beamed with delight, only to have the smile slide off her face at the sight of Beca’s deep frown as she pulled a hand through her hair roughly.

“Jesse, that’s not fair! I had to come to New York,” Beca hissed harshly into the phone as she hurled her bag onto their shared bed. Chloe paused in packing the basket, concerned. Jesse had never understood why Beca hadn’t gone with him to LA after graduation five months ago.

“Because I wanted to!” Beca responded to Jesse’s question as she flung her free hand into the air in frustration. She grimaced at Chloe, looking frazzled.

There was a slightly longer pause before brunette continued, “I know what I said, but I changed my mind! Why don’t you understand that?”

Chloe mirrored Beca’s frown at hearing that. She knew Jesse was disappointed that Beca didn’t go with him, but it seemed pointless to keep fighting about it months later. Hating the harshness of Beca’s expression, Chloe gently waved a sandwich at Beca in an attempt to cheer her up with impending food. However, Beca stared at the wall behind Chloe, eyes unfocused, as she listened to Jesse on the line. Chloe bit her lip – Beca never ignored food.

Beca’s eyes suddenly widened and she gasped at whatever Jesse had said on the phone. Navy blue eyes flicked to Chloe’s face for an instant, then away again immediately. Beca sharply turned her back on Chloe to instead look out the window above their bed, with an incredulous, “What? What does – does that have to do with anything?” Chloe could hear Jesse’s muffled voice on the phone but couldn’t make out his words. Whatever he’d said had pissed Beca off.

Chloe suddenly felt like she was intruding, but there was nowhere to hide in the miniscule apartment. She settled for sitting down at the table to make herself smaller. The sandwiches sat, forgotten and forlorn, on the table next to her.

“I can’t! My job, my life, my frie – my everything is here!” Beca practically shouted into the phone.

Chloe cringed at both the volume and the content of the statement; Beca hadn’t included Jesse in her ‘everything’ and it had been painfully obvious.

Beca must have realized the same thing as she tried to backtrack in a softer tone. “Look… I didn’t – “ she cut off abruptly, standing completely still as she gazed out the window, her back to Chloe.

This pause stretched into infinity. Beca didn’t make a sound. Chloe’s stomach somersaulted and she held her breath as she waited for Beca to say something. Anything. Anything except –

“Jesse, what are you saying?” Not that. Shit. It sounded like Jesse was going to –

Beca’s voice, all steel and ice, sliced through the room. “Okay. Fine. That’s it, then. Bye.”

Beca pulled the phone away from her ear slowly to let her arm dangle at her side. The air in the apartment was still and silent; Chloe wasn’t sure either of them was breathing.

After what felt like an hour, Beca pivoted robotically to look at her. White-hot pain shot through Chloe like a blow to the stomach at the sight of her best friend. Beca’s eyes were empty, her face stony and impossible to read. It was as though the last four years hadn’t happened; freshman Beca stood in their apartment, her walls back in place as completely and firmly as they had been when Chloe had first seen her in the quad. Her face lacked its usual warmth and familiarity. This was a stranger in Beca’s skin, and Chloe was completely terrified of her.

Instinctively, Chloe rose from the table and moved toward Beca. Beca flinched back and Chloe stopped dead, her heart dropping to her stomach, hands up in the universal ‘I won’t hurt you’ gesture. Beca hadn’t flinched away from her in years. Still, the brunette’s face was empty, withdrawn, and reserved, reverted to before they all became friends. Chloe stood, frozen in numb anticipation. She half-expected Beca to turn and head out the door, shutting her out completely. It’s what freshman Beca would have done.

Choking down her horror, Chloe whispered, “Bec. Hey, don’t…” she trailed off as the stranger’s familiar eyes found her own.

The silence between them deafened Chloe, and she was starting to wonder if Beca could even see her.

Except – “He broke up with me.” Beca said it simply, as if she was remarking on the weather. Chloe held her breath, unsure, scared that she’d just lost the most important person in her life. A beat. Then, Beca’s face crumpled at the same time her knees gave out and Chloe lunged forward to catch her before she could hit the floor. They ended up in an awkward kneel, Chloe grasping Beca’s elbows.

“Woah, hey, easy,” Chloe said earnestly.

Beca raised her head to look at Chloe, and Chloe’s heart ached at the pain she saw in Beca’s eyes.

“Chlo…” Beca whispered, and Chloe watched as Beca completely broke, her eyebrows drawing together, her eyes filling with tears, and her mouth pulling down hard. Chloe immediately drew Beca into her, wrapping her arms securely around the smaller woman as they sank completely to the floor.

“Let it out,” Chloe encouraged, rubbing Beca’s back. She felt Beca’s muscles strain as she tried to hold herself together. Chloe repeated herself over and over until she finally felt the first sob escape into her shoulder. It was the crack in the dam; Beca clung to her, face pressed into her shoulder, as she finally released her emotions in a torrent of tears and full-body sobs. Chloe just held tighter and closed her eyes. Selfishly, she was relieved; her Beca was still there. She despised herself for feeling relief in that moment, but she’d been terrified by Beca’s temporary reversion. But eventually, those awful walls had come down for her once again.

They sat like that on the floor for hours while Chloe held Beca tightly, rubbing her back and letting the younger girl get everything she needed to out. The half-packed picnic basket sat discarded on the table. Chloe’s teeth clenched in anger every time she saw it; how dare Jesse ruin this for them?

As it neared time for Amy to come home, Chloe saw that Beca was watching the clock. Just before Amy was due back, Beca mumbled thickly, “Okay. I’m sorry. Let’s get up now.”

Chloe nodded, knowing Beca didn’t want anyone else to see her like this. She stood, then pulled Beca to her feet, where she swayed alarmingly at first but then caught herself.

“Blood rush…” the brunette mumbled, looking at the floor.

Chloe watched her in concern for a moment before saying softly, “It’s okay, Beca. You don’t have to be embarrassed or apologize. He was important.”

Beca flinched, doing an excellent imitation of a deer in headlights. “Yeah, well. He was my first friend at Barden,” she muttered.

Blinking dumbly at Beca, Chloe wanted to punch herself in the face. She’d somehow forgotten that detail over the past four years, sure that Beca had always been her friend first.

Jingling keys and scuffling noises interrupted the pair, and Beca spun to the bathroom to wash her face while Chloe hurried to the kitchen table to pull out the sandwiches that had been intended for lunch.

“What’s up, aca-bitches?!” called Amy excitedly as she burst through the door. “Guess who came up with the best idea for a business venture?! Picture it: Fat Amy, the most talented actress in Tasmania with teeth, a street performer! It’s brilliant! It’s perfect! It’s – Ginger Spice, what’s got your goat?”

Chloe shook herself from her stupor with a “What?”

“You’re less obnoxiously sunny than usual,” Amy mused.

Panicking slightly, Chloe spit out, “Oh – uh, well, dinner is just a little late, and, uh – ”

“Jesse and I broke up.”

Chloe spun – she hadn’t heard Beca finish in the bathroom. She looked better, having quickly reapplied some of her makeup and brushed her hair. However, her eyes were sill red and puffy looking, and Chloe could tell that she was straining to hold herself in.

Beca continued in a rush, “Yeah, so, that happened. And it’s fine, the distance was annoying, and he didn’t really get why I came here, and so it’s fine, okay, so let’s maybe not talk about it?”

Throughout Beca’s rambling, Chloe noticed that Amy’s eyes were on her rather than on Beca for some reason. Yet, when she tried to catch her gaze, Amy looked back at Beca instead with an uncharacteristically quiet, “Ah, Shawshank… that’s so crappy. But you know what?” she added, louder.

Beca quirked an eyebrow but stayed quiet.

“He was kind of annoying anyway. Bit like a dumb, clingy puppy, you know?” continued Amy.

Shocked, Chloe exclaimed, “Amy!”

Beca shook her head and replied, “Nah, it’s okay. You’re right, it’s fine.”

With that, Chloe had watched with amusement as Amy suddenly lunged toward Beca to give her something called “butt confidence” to “move on” while Beca ran for cover, screaming loudly.

The picnic sandwiches made a decent dinner, and The Jesse Topic didn’t come up again all evening. Beca was quieter than normal, and Chloe thought that Amy kept looking at her, but every time Chloe tried to make eye contact Amy would look away. Amy was also on her phone more than usual and kept getting messages from people; Chloe could hear her phone buzzing. When asked, she said it was “All of my boyfriends. I have to let them all down now that Bumper and I are engaged.”

The evening passed quickly. Chloe could tell that Beca was still upset, but she was doing an excellent job of hiding it from their blonde roommate. At times, though, Beca retreated into herself as if in a daydream of some sort, but whenever that happened, Chloe would cough or move or say something to bring Beca back into the present. Each time, she was met with a grateful little smile.

However, it seemed that Amy was not as oblivious as she’d thought. As she was brushing her teeth before bed, Chloe heard Amy say to Beca, “I’m sorry about Jesse, Short Stack. But maybe this is an opportunity in disguise you know?”

Chloe missed Beca’s hushed response, and by the time she was back out of the bathroom, Amy had gone to bed with the clothes rack “barrier” between her bed and the fold-out bed she and Beca shared. Beca, who had already gotten ready for bed, was tucked into a ball under the covers.

With a weary sigh, Chloe reached to flick off the lamp as she climbed into the small bed next to her best friend. As soon as she was settled, Beca moved toward her. Without thinking, Chloe turned on her side facing Beca and pulled the younger girl into her arms. Beca pushed her face into the space between Chloe’s neck and her shoulder and Chloe felt a few tears fall onto her night shirt.

After a moment, Beca whispered nearly silently, “Why does everyone leave me?”

Chloe’s heart shattered for Beca at the same time it filled with rage at Jesse. He had been Beca’s first friend at Barden and had pulled her out of her shell just as much as Chloe and the Bellas had. Jesse had a kind of relationship with Beca that Chloe didn’t; it was that simple. He’d meant the world to Beca and now he’d left her, given up on her, like many people had before.

Chloe pulled Beca impossibly closer and tightened her hold; she didn’t understand for a second how anyone could do that to Beca. “I’ll never leave,” Chloe whispered back. “I promise.”

Beca’s only response was a nearly inaudible whimper as she clung even more tightly to Chloe, threading their legs together. In that instant, Chloe made a decision; she had to know how Jesse could possibly justify hurting Beca. She’d always wanted to track down everyone who’d ever hurt her friend, and now she finally had a chance to do so. Without really considering it, she made the decision to switch her plane tickets immediately in the morning.

Chloe forced herself to say awake until she felt Beca’s breaths even out on her shoulder. It was only after the brunette had finally fallen asleep that Chloe first allowed herself to think about what she’d been shoving from her mind since Beca had hung up the phone: Beca was single for the first time in over three years. A long-dormant hope fluttered in Chloe’s chest even as she hated herself for considering what this breakup might mean for her. For them. She didn’t sleep much that night as she held onto her best friend, guilty visions of what could be flashing behind her closed eyes.

Chloe had watched Beca closely for the following two days. Once the initial shock had worn off, Beca tended to alternate between indifference (“I don’t care, we barely even saw each other anymore.”), anger (“I can’t believe I wasted my time with that asshole.”), and a strange calm (“We really weren’t a good couple, more friends really.”). However, at night, Beca still clung to Chloe like a lifeline. She could tell that Beca was more upset over the loss of an important person in her life than at the loss of a romantic relationship. Jesse’s companionship had clearly meant a lot to her.

Amy did her best to comfort Beca, recruiting all the Bellas in the area over text the day after the breakup to plan a weekend drunk-fest to forget about “that stupid puppy asshole.” The bouts of butt confidence continued, and Amy constantly encouraged Beca to “get back on the horse and ride someone else for once,” much to Beca’s supreme displeasure.

Chloe attempted to offer her constant support while simultaneously batting down the flutter of “what if” that had returned for the first time in years. She thought she’d gotten past her feelings for Beca and had forced them out completely when they moved to New York together, but there they were again. Mostly, though, Chloe was trying to hide her fury at Jesse for hurting Beca. Though the waterworks seemed to have stopped, Chloe couldn’t get the sound of Beca’s whispered vulnerability out of her head. She wanted nothing more than to strangle Jesse until he choked out an explanation for hurting Beca.

When the box of Beca’s things had arrived, Beca’s resolve had wavered and Chloe saw the pain in her eyes. I’d never do that to her, Chloe found herself thinking even as she discretely took a photo of the return address for reference. Her anger would sometimes threaten to overwhelm her until she’d recall the plane ticket to LA.

Anger didn’t quite stave off the guilt, though, when Chloe had to tell Beca why she wasn’t going to be at Amy’s planned booze-a-thon.

“Sorry Bec, I know the timing is just awful, but I’ve had plane tickets home for months, and my mom is so excited to see me,” she had insisted.

Eyes downcast, Beca had replied, “It’s okay, Chlo. You should be with your family. I’ll be okay.”

“You’re my family, too. I’m so sorry it happened like this,” responded Chloe, now feeling positively dreadful.

Amy interrupted, “Ahh, don’t worry Ginger, I’ll take care of this one. You do what you gotta do.”

Chloe narrowed her eyes; Amy had winked at her, almost like…but there’s no way for her to know where Chloe was going. No possible way.

And so, come Friday morning, Chloe had flown off to LA. She knew it was crazy. But it was something she had to do. Jesse had to answer for hurting her best friend.

The sudden stop of the cab jerks Chloe back to the present. “We’re here,” says Archie cheerfully.

With a grateful smile, Chloe hands him his fare and climbs out of the car as he pops the trunk so she can grab her bag. Once she’s lifted it out of the back, she shuts the trunk and waves as Archie pulls away from the curb.

Chloe turns slowly on the spot, exhaling as she takes in the front of Jesse’s apartment building. God. This is crazy. He might not even be here. Nevertheless, Chloe inhales deeply through her nose (wow, LA smells bad) and moves up the front steps toward the buzzer. He hurt Beca. That’s all she really cares about.

Her eyes zero in on the buzzer at his apartment number and with a frantic energy, her hand compresses the bell. At first, nothing. Then more nothing. Disappointment wells in Chloe’s chest; he isn’t home. She turns to leave without any real destination in mind, stepping down back to street level.

She bites her lip, considering her options as she walks away leisurely, headed around the corner of the building. There has to be a park somewhere she could sit and try again in a few hours. Or a theater – she could go catch a movie and come back after. Or maybe a restaurant –

Wham! As she rounds the corner, collides with someone rather larger than her with an “Oof!” of surprise. She wobbles until hands grab her arms, holding her upright. Once she catches her balance, she looks up to see who she’d run into and is met with big brown eyes filled with shock.

“Chloe?” asks Jesse incredulously.

Chloe doesn’t respond. Once she realizes exactly who is in front of her, she’s consumed with anger. Her mind flies back to a shared bed and a broken whisper of abandonment, and the next thing she knows, Jesse is reeling away from her, shouting out in surprise. The flat of her hand stung where it had struck his face.

Horrified at herself, Chloe automatically squeaks out, “Oh! I’m sorry!” before she remembers the temporary reappearance of freshman Beca and that the reason for it is standing in front of her.

“What the hell?!” exclaims Jesse, once recovered enough to glare at her.

“You left her!” Chloe yells right back, her hands now balled into fists at her side. “Do you have any idea how much you hurt her, you asshole?”

Jesse opens his mouth furiously to reply before he stops himself and closes it slowly. The anger in his eyes fades and Chloe watches as he slumps into himself, looking suddenly sad and pathetic. He breaks eye contact with her and shuffles his feet.

“Well?” Chloe demands when it becomes clear Jesse isn’t going to say anything.

Jesse glances up at her again, his left cheek aflame from her slap. She feels bad about it; she hadn’t meant to hit him, it had just happened.

“Chloe, can we take this inside?” Jesse eventually asks softly. “Before the neighbors call the cops for domestic abuse?”

Chloe deflates slightly at his quiet tone. He can’t look her in the eyes. For the first time, she notices that he’s carrying a case of beer and his clothes look rumpled.

Catching where her gaze had landed, Jesse mutters, “I just got back from shopping. Did you wait long?”

With a shake of her head, Chloe responds, “I just got here. Let’s go in.”

They make their way to his apartment building without speaking. Jesse holds the door for her, allowing her to enter first. He gestures to a rickety elevator just inside the entrance and she enters first. The doors slide closed behind them and he presses the button for the sixth floor. The ride up passes in awkward silence with only the rattling of the elevator filling the quiet. Her hand still stings, but the pain is fading rapidly.

Chloe watches Jesse from the corner of her eye. He has dark circles under his eyes as if he doesn’t sleep well and he looks somehow smaller than he used to. His typical boyish grin is missing, and without it he looks older and too serious.

With a little ‘ding,’ the elevator arrives at his floor. Again, he lets her go first, calling out his apartment number so she knows where to go. At his door, he digs in his pocket for keys with a free hand while he balances the beer in the other. Finally extracting his keys, Jesse unlocks the door and politely stands aside so she can enter his apartment.

It’s messy. Beer bottles are spread everywhere, and pizza boxes are piled precariously near an overflowing trash can. There is a general stuffy atmosphere to the apartment as if Jesse hasn’t opened a window in days. So, thinks Chloe, no secret girlfriend.

“Sorry it’s kinda…yeah. I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Jesse apologizes as he shuts the door behind them and moves to set the case of beer on an already cluttered counter.

Finding her voice, Chloe says wryly, “It’s okay. I didn’t exactly call ahead.”

Jesse smiles awkwardly as they stared at each other, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. Chloe feels strange; she and Jesse had never been close, even though they had one very significant person in common. She’d never liked to spend time with him because it had hurt too much, and he’d never gone out of his way to spend time with her.

“Sorry about your cheek,” Chloe blurts out, suddenly needing to break the quiet.

Jesse’s gaze drops to the floor. “I probably deserved it. How’s your hand?” he asks.

“It’s fine,” she replies slowly, her eyebrows raised in slight confusion. “What do you mean you ‘deserved it?’”

He sighs and, indicating his futon, avoids her question with one of his own. “Would you like to sit down?”

When Chloe hesitates, taking in the chip bags and beer bottles strewn across it, he moves to pick them up and dusts one end of the futon clean. Then, moving to a nearby closet, he takes a folded blanket out and sets in on the cushion for her to sit on. “There,” he says, “all clean.”

Chloe moves to sit on the cleaned area. He really hadn’t needed to put the blanket down, but she appreciates the thought behind it. Jesse cleans off the other futon cushion and sits down next to her while still maintaining a safe distance. Silence fills the air again.

Unable to take it any longer, Chloe bursts out, “Why did you do that to her?”

Jesse’s face tightens, and he glances away before answering hesitantly. “The long distance didn’t work for us. There was something missing, and I figured we’d be better as friends.”

Unable to stop herself, Chloe snorts in disbelief at what she deems a poor answer.

Suddenly, the mood shifts. “Why are you here?” Jesse asks blatantly, looking at her intently.

Chloe bristles immediately at his sharp tone. “You know why I’m here,” she snaps. “And that answer was bullshit. Why did you break up with her like that?”

Jesse glares at her in irritation. “What, over the phone? What was I supposed to do, fly out there and do it in person? Would that be better?” he asks sarcastically.

“Oh my God, you’re so…” Chloe trails off in frustration.

“I’m so what?” scoffs Jesse.

Chloe loses it completely, her fury peaking at his dismissive attitude – doesn’t he understand what he did to Beca? “You’re such an asshole! Why did you just end it like that? She deserved better and you know it! As much as I don’t care about you, you’re so important to her!” Chloe sees the surprise in Jesse’s eyes and she knows she should stop yelling, but the words keep pouring out of her.

“You know how it is with her and people leaving! You were with her for so long and now you went and just – just – do you have any idea how much pain she’s in? What she’s been like the last few days? She practically shut down! And it’s all your fault! How could you? How dare you do that to her?” Chloe finishes, breathing hard.

“What the hell was I supposed to do, Chloe?” Jesse fights back desperately. “Just stay with her forever? Just go along, pretending we were okay? Huh? Just make us both miserable so long as I don’t leave her? Well?”

Chloe, offended by his attitude, fires back, “Well, no, but you could have at least had the balls to try and fight for her! To fix things!”

“I TRIED!” Jesse bellows, startling Chloe into silence. “I tried for so long! Even months before graduation, I was trying! But that’s the thing – I was the only one trying!”

“That’s not – ” Chloe tries to interject before Jesse cuts her off.

“Yes, it is! That’s how it was, and I think you know it! Name one thing she did to save us.” He stares at her, hard, while she scrambles to remember what Beca had done to maintain their relationship. As the moments drag on, she realizes with some horror that she can’t really think of anything.

Knowing she still has to defend Beca, Chloe stutters, “I – I mean, she probably just didn’t tell me about it.” It’s a weak argument, and they both know it.

Jesse shakes his head and stares at the floor, his forearms resting on his knees, as he continues in a much quieter voice. “I tried so hard with her. But seriously, since you guys got back from the Bellas retreat, it’s like she checked out of our relationship. I guess I should have seen it coming. We barely even talked our senior year.” Chloe thinks back, trying to remember the last time she even saw them interacting. Other than at Worlds, she can’t think of much.

Jesse continues, “And then, instead of moving out here with me, she went off to New York on a whim with… the distance didn’t work. I tried, believe me, I tried. But she missed almost every Skype date we set up, did you know that? She never called me, and when I’d call her, she’d ask why I didn’t just text. We didn’t talk for two weeks once because I was waiting for her to text me first, and she never did. Then, when did finally I message her, she acted like nothing was wrong. There’s been something missing for a while. It’s like she saw me as her convenient friend, not her boyfriend.”

Shaken, Chloe tries again to defend Beca. “That’s not fair to her. She’s been busy, and –”

Jesse laughs, a dark, sarcastic laugh that she didn’t know he was capable of. “That’s rich! You know the real reason she pulled away from me,” he says bitterly, staring at her angrily.

Taken utterly aback, Chloe looks at him with wide eyes. “What are you talking about? Don’t blame me for this!”

“Don’t pretend!” Jesse fires out, running a hand roughly over his hair. “I see how you two look at each other! She talks about you all the time! She went with you after graduation instead of me! It’s always been like that,” he sighs. “Always.”

Chloe blinks rapidly. Does Beca really talk about her that much? “She’s my best friend…” she says slowly.

Jesse tilts his head to look at her disbelievingly. “Oh, come on. I’m not stupid, Chloe. I know you crushed on her all through college. Anyone could see it with how you looked at her. And I know that’s why you don’t like me,” he added. “It’s okay. That’s why I never really liked you, either.”

Stunned, Chloe felt the heat rise in her face at his accusations. She watches as Jesse breaks down in front of her. All the fight leaves his body as he covers his face with his hands, taking deep breaths. She doesn’t know what to say, so instead she waits for him to say something. When he finally lifts his head to look at her, his eyes are wet. She doesn’t think she’d ever seen anyone look so defeated.

“You won,” he whispers. “The worst part is you didn’t even know there was a fight going on. She chose you, even when you never asked her to.”

Shame washes over Chloe and she wanted to hide her own face now. She’d thought she’d successfully hidden her feelings for Beca and her distaste for Jesse. She’s suddenly uncomfortable, wondering if she’s indirectly responsible for the breakup.

“So…” she starts hesitantly, “You broke up with her… because of me?”

Jesse quirks his mouth, thinking about his response before answering. Chloe waits, uncertain.

“No,” he finally responds with a sigh. “Not just because of you, anyway,” he bit his lip, as if debating what to say next. Chloe waits patiently, reminded strongly of how Beca sometimes needs time to form the right words. “I wasn’t lying when I said what we have became more of a friend love. I do love her, but I realized that I’m not in love with her anymore. If I was, I’d have never let her go. I don’t think she was ever in love with me, though. Not really.”

Chloe furrows her brow; it had been clear – painfully so – to her for three years that Beca loved Jesse. “You’re wrong,” she insists. “Beca does love you.”

Jesse winces slightly and replies, “I reckon she does, yeah. But not like I’d have wanted her to. If she loved me like that, she’d have tried as hard with me as she does with you.”

Looking into his eyes, Chloe knows he’s right. Beca hadn’t really fought for Jesse, hadn’t even tried to change his mind on the phone. Beca always tried with Chloe, though. She’d text her encouragement at her internship, would always make the effort to watch TV shows and the occasional movie with her, even though she hated movies. Beca always prioritized her and put effort into their friendship. Yet again, guilt and shame came over Chloe; she’d come to yell at Jesse for not trying hard enough and for hurting Beca, when in reality, he had every right to be angry at both of them.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, unable to meet his gaze.

She hears him huff, heavy and disappointed. “It’s not your fault. You shouldn’t feel bad,” he responds. “I don’t think she even knows how she feels about you. I’m guessing that sucks just as much.”

It’s Chloe’s turn to wince; he’s right. It hurts. Desperately wanting to shift the attention from herself, Chloe restates, “She does love you, really. You were her first friend at Barden. Don’t forget that.”

Jesse smiles softly at the thought, some happiness finally returning to his face. “I reckon I’m her best friend, besides you.”

Relieved that he no longer looks so devastated, Chloe agrees. “I think you’re right. Just don’t tell that to Amy.”

The tension breaks between them as Jesse lets out a genuine laugh. Chloe smiles at the noise; it had been disconcerting to see him so uncharacteristically low.

Once his laughter dies, Jesse began cautiously, “Just… make her happy. You were right that she deserves better. She deserves to be happy.”

Chloe’s eyebrows shoot to her hairline. Is Jesse saying what she thinks he’s saying?

He continues before she can interrupt. “I think you and I love her more than just about anyone. Somehow, we were lucky enough for her to love us back. And it looks like you’ve made her happier than I ever could. Do me a favor, Chloe, and keep her happy. I can live with this as long as she’s happy.”

Chloe feels the magnitude of what Jesse is saying. He looks at her earnestly, fixing her with one of the most intense gazes she’s ever received.

Finally, she nods, swallowing hard. She replies sincerely, “There’s nothing more important to me than her.”

Jesse nods in satisfaction, appeased by her answer. “Well, that’s it, then.”

Chloe stares mutely; she feels shell-shocked. Is this real life? Jesse had basically handed her an opening.

He interrupts her thoughts with a hurried, “Just smile, I really need you to smile right now.”

She looks at him, startled. “What?”

“I need to know I did the right thing,” he explains. “You’re happy, right?”

The guilt is still there, but she can’t lie to Jesse or to herself. The hope she’d been shoving away since she saw Beca and Jesse kiss after the Bellas’ first Nationals win floods her heart. She knows it’s wrong to be this joyful while both Jesse and Beca are struggling, but she can’t help herself. Thoughts of a possible future with Beca fills her mind and a beaming smile spreads over her face.

Jesse snorts. “Well, at least I was right about that,” he says. “No need to brag about it.”

“Sorry,” she replies sheepishly. “It’s just. She makes me happy, too. She’s so – so her.”

“I know what you mean,” smiles Jesse. “I’m not quite sure how she does it.”

On a whim, Chloe reaches out, placing a hand on his arm. “You should text her. She really misses you.”

Jesse nods. “I miss her, too. She’s important to me. Always will be, probably.”

They talk for a little longer then, about Jesse’s new life in Los Angeles and Chloe’s in New York. They share memories of college and of Beca, laughing a little over some of the more amusing experiences they’d had as members of opposing a cappella groups. As she spends more time alone with him than she ever had before, Chloe realizes that Jesse is a pretty great guy. She can see why Beca had allowed him to break down her walls as she had, to love him. When he smiles, his entire face opens up and he looks utterly charming. He is able to joke and to keep bitterness from seeping into his voice when talking about Beca.

She glances at the clock when there’s a natural lull in their conversation to see that she’s been there for nearly two hours. Her eyebrows rise in surprise; it was surprisingly easy to talk to Jesse. Something had changed between them.

“Well, I suppose…” she trails off, indicating the door.

Jesse nods. “Yeah, I guess I should clean up a little in case Amy shows up next,” he jokes. “Do you have a place to stay?”

“I’m good, thanks though. And thanks for letting me in,” Chloe says, fiddling with her purse as she picks it up off the floor. “I needed to know why. Sorry about hitting you.”

With a small, sad smile, Jesse replies, “I get – you love her. I’d have done the same. And my face is fine,” he gestures toward his cheek, no longer red.

They stand and he opens the door, holding it for her. She pauses in the doorway to meet his eyes.

“I’ll take care of her. Even if she never does figure it out, you know. No matter what, I’ll take care of her,” Chloe states firmly.

“Good,” Jesse says back. “I expect you to.”

They smile at each other one last time, in agreement over the one person they love most. Chloe steps outside to make her way back to the elevator, hearing the door click shut behind her.

Once she hits the street again, Chloe decides to take a walk to clear her head and to figure out her plans for the weekend. Jesse really is a good guy, she thinks. He’d been nothing but courteous to her the entire time even though she’d began their conversation by slapping him across the face. He had every right to be upset with her but had never let his temper out of control. She could see why he’d been good for Beca for so long. In fact, if she hadn’t spent the better part of four years envious of him, they probably could have been good friends.

As Chloe wanders in search of a restaurant, she feels her phone vibrate in her bag. Reaching in and digging around, she eventually manages to extract it. She had gotten a text from Beca that read simply, “I miss you, but I’m glad you’re spending time with family. Thanks for all you’ve done.”

She types out a quick, “Miss you too, hope you’re having fun with the others,” before shoving her phone back into her purse. She knows she’ll never be able to tell Beca what she’d really been doing. She can barely wrap her mind around it herself. She still feels some guilt over the end of Beca’s and Jesse’s relationship, but knows she isn’t responsible. Mostly, she’s excited at the thought of Beca ever feeling anything romantic toward her. After so long of pushing her feelings down, she decides that it’s time to consider what they might mean for them both. She might even tell Beca eventually. After Beca has time to heal. But Chloe doesn’t mind waiting; she’d wait forever if she had to.

Just then, Chloe spots a little pizza shop on a corner. Their menu, which is posted outside, claims that their deep-dish pizza is “Better than Chicago’s!” Deciding that there isn’t really anything that she particularly likes about Chicago anyway, Chloe enters to grab dinner and ask the locals about good hotels for the night.

As Chloe enters the restaurant, a few blocks away in his now semi-tidy apartment, Jesse stares at his phone in concentration. He types a draft, deletes it, types another, deletes that one too. With a final frustrated exhale and some anxious pacing, he finally hits ‘send’ on a message.

“Beca, hey. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but I wanted you to know – you can still talk to me about stuff, if you want. You’re really important to me, and I’d like your friendship, if you want the same.”

She replies two hours later. They are going to be okay.

#bechloe #beca x chloe #jesse swanson #pitch perfect fanfic #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect #drabble prompt #bechloe endgame #some angst #don't miss the pp3 reference at the end #amy knows #bechloe fic

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