#it’s 4am and I might just be stupid or maybe I don’t understand this situation half as well as I thought

[caesarsaladinn]

I feel like I’m missing something, they just agreed to stop existing? it was that easy?

[shroudcore]

Speak now, or forever hold your peace. (II)

Summary: You crash the wedding with Grim and Ortho. Unlike the others, proposing isn’t on your mind. You come with a very different approach. 

An angstier take on Ghost Marriage. Idia x GN!reader. Reader is MC, or takes the role of MC in this story. (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Warnings: none

If the students of NRC thought they’ve seen Eliza at her angriest, they were wrong. The fury she displayed now was incomparable. While Idia fawned over your dramatic anime-worthy entrance, the new interruption was getting on her last ghostly nerve.

“Guards! Seize them!” she roared. Immediately, the ghosts went into action. Idia held his breath as he watched the obedient ghosts charge at you, Grim, and Ortho. He hoped you didn’t barge in with no plan. If you didn’t come equipped with useful items, you would end up like everyone else. 

Chubby, determined to get rid of the intruders that caused distress to his beloved princess, was eager to get rid of you. (”Simp”, Idia muttered) However, eagerness wasn’t enough against an opponent equally as determined. As soon as he got too close, an unknown force threw him backwards to where Eliza floated, shocking the princess.

“Chubby! Are you alright?”

Idia, on the other hand, was elated. 

“Th-that’s so OP!” he exclaimed. He knew you heard him, because your gaze flicked to him for a split second before looking away. Embarrassed, Idia shut his mouth. He’d expected at least a smile. 

After Chubby’s failed attack, other ghosts attempted to face your group. They only met the same fate. Confused, they could only pay their apologies to the princess and watch on in helplessness. Just what did you have up your sleeve? Who did you get such an SS-tier item from?

“Princess, it’s impossible to stop them!” the last of Eliza’s guards told her. For the first time that night, she looked afraid. 

Grim guffawed, while you smirked. A familiar look. It was always there before you jumpscared an enemy, or before you checkmated a poor opponent. Idia might have thought it was kinda hot. At the moment, he was oblivious to his gaping mouth, and how wildly his hair blazed. What were once lightly blushing tips were now an alarming red—a level of ferocity never seen from him before. 

“You can’t touch or hurt us!” boasted Grim, a devious smirk on his face. “We had some he—mprfgh!” He was abruptly cut off by Ortho’s robotic arm covering his mouth. Idia’s brother shook his head at your noisy dorm mate. 

“Release my big brother now!” he demanded. Idia grimaced, but didn’t feel too worried. As long as Ortho was with you and your anti-ghost protective shield, he would be safe. 

As expected, the ghosts were affronted. 

“How dare he order the princess like that?”

“You ought to be punished for your insolence!”

“To intrude on a royal wedding and speak disrespectfully! 

“Send them to the gallows!”

One talked, and one talked over the other. Soon, all that could be heard was an unintelligible susurrus of disembodied voices. One ghost had enough of it, and shouted to Eliza: “Princess, the kiss! Do what must be done!” 

“NO!” You and Ortho yelled at the same time. You continued to walk towards the makeshift altar as your two companions followed close behind. Ghosts rushed to block your path, but you pressed on as your invisible shield threw them back. It looked absolutely badass. Well, anything you did was cool to Idia, anyway. 

 “Out of my way!” You commanded, strong and unwavering. He’d seen you annoyed and angry before, but never up to this point. It basically radiated off of you that a danger warning could be floating above your head. 

“S-so intimidating... “

“So scary!”

Sure, this wedding crasher looked like you, but something was different. An unexplainable sinister aura wreathed you tonight. Was it your glare, or was it that regal suit you wore? Idia must have been too distracted by you, that he only noticed now how your cape seemed to drag shadows with it. You were a villain... much like one of the villains from his video games! And something else that was familiar. 

Whatever it was and wherever it came from, there was a menacing presence in the hall tonight. 

All were silent, except for the wind whistling through the hall. If one listened more carefully, they would hear drowned-out cackles. But it is just the wind, right?

“Wh-who are you?” Eliza finally asked. The ghosts who were ashamed at being unable to seize you began to form a protective ring around their princess. Eliza herself, Idia noticed, was starting to curl in on herself—her presence shrinking the closer you approached. “What do you want?”

“The groom,” was all you said, staring her down as if eyes alone could exterminate the ghost in front of you. 

“Idia?” she asks weakly, glancing at her tied-up groom. Idia said nothing and did nothing but look at you, attempting to telepathically communicate his panic. You barely even looked at him. 

“He’s mine.” 

Hold up—?

More gasps and chatter. They sounded less like whispers and more like the buzzing insects he heard whenever he snuck out at midnight. The world spun. Idia stared at you open-mouthed. 

If he were asked to describe his state of mind at this moment, it would be similar to a loading screen. Suddenly, everything you did together played back in a 1.75x supercut sequence. 

Mine. 

Mine. 

Mine.  

“Wh-what?” Eliza sputtered. “What do you mean?” 

You answered her, voice losing the steadiness it possessed just moments ago. “You have the man I love.” 

Wha… 

KDJAFCKSAJHDKACBSXCJSIEUDS?

Idia.exe has crashed. Reboot? 

~~

The audience’s reactions were varied. Some students on the floor were amused by the spectacle and could have used some popcorn (and a comfortable position) during these times. Some were horrified and disappointed by the idea of the prefect being in love with Idia Shroud the shut-in. Some were much too confused to feel anything. 

“Pardon…? What did I just hear?” Azul asked the floor.

“Puppy love,” Lilia wept, sniffling very loudly. “You know, this reminds me of when I was young...” 

“Whaddaya mean when you were young?!” Floyd snapped. His irritability had spiked up even more when you arrived. His position prevented him from witnessing the events. Everyone on the floor could feel his bad mood rolling off of him in waves. 

“Hey! Watch your tone when speaking to Lilia!” scolded Sebek. 

“... Are they acting?” Leona mumbled. 

“Oh, this better be an act.”  said Vil.  “... though it does not seem to be.” The last part of his observation remained unheard by anyone else, except for Rook. 

“I believe we are witnessing a genuine love confession,” added the Chasseur d’Amour himself, voice soft as he sighed dreamily. “Engrave this moment into your memories, everyone! We are fortunate to witness it…”

But no one shared his enthusiasm about the situation. The others expressed their displeasure by groaning and complaining. “... well, even in this state we are in?” he added as a follow-up. 

~~

Reboot. 

You once fell asleep on Idia’s shoulder after finishing a movie. It was something you both only watched to make fun of, but you were apparently too tired to give your top-tier jokes and meme references. The contact sent his heart into overdrive as he froze, begging for option boxes to appear and help him. The flames of his hair blazed so brightly that it woke you back up. It was embarrassing, and sometimes he would remember it late at night and cringe. 

It was happening again, but worse. Any moment now, he was sure that he alone could burn down the cafeteria, if not the whole school. This was stupid. Why did he get that worked up over an obvious act? A mere ploy to get the ghosts to release him?

Reality catches up and deals him triple attack damage. Crowley probably put you up to this. You were probably annoyed that you were forced to do this, weren’t you? That’s why you couldn’t even look at him. It had to be the cruelest joke that fate ever threw his way. 

“I can’t say I don’t understand you, Princess,” you tell Eliza, forcing a smile. “Idia is perfect, is he not?” He felt your eyes on him. This time, it was he who couldn’t quite meet your gaze. Looking down at the floor was all he could do; it couldn’t judge his blushing face. Only when the warmth in his cheeks faded did he feel it safe to look back up again. 

“You see him, don’t you, Princess?” Your voice began to falter, losing the confidence and authority in it that scared the ghosts. “He’s so much more than what everyone else thinks! We agree on that, don’t we?”

Eliza’s face softened, nodding. “Yes. I’ve seen how these people insult him!” she tells you, gesturing to the ‘failed princes’ on the floor.

“But we’re still different,” you stepped closer, but still far enough so that your invisible anti-ghost forcefield wouldn’t activate. “You don’t want to marry Idia, you want to marry your fairytale prince.” 

Eliza appeared to be genuinely confused. She looked around at her companions, before turning back to you. “What do you mean?”

“You’re in love with your ideals, not the person himself,” you explain. “You only chose him for his appearance. Am I right? His personality, likes and dislikes, and possible flaws don’t matter to you.”

Eliza seemed deep in thought. While she was silent, you release a bitter laugh and threw your hands up.  “I mean, do you even know what his favorite candy is?”

Pomegranate drops. You asked to have some, but he refused to give you any. He wouldn’t tell you why, but he let you assume it was his favorite and didn’t want to share because of that. 

That wasn’t it, though. Maybe he’d tell you once you were both out of here. 

“You’ve never stayed up until 4am just to join him on a raid!” You waved your hands wildly, lost in your rant. Whether Eliza understood you or not, you seemed to have stopped giving a damn. 

“Weak!” he teased, noticing your drooping eyelids and reduced concentration. Deep down, he felt bad for keeping you up late.  “Look, it’s fine if you need to rest.”

“Nah, let’s finish this. What are you going to do without me?” you replied, smirking.

“You don’t even have 4-hour conversations with him on Magicord VC like I do!” 

It lasted up until 3am. You two were laughing at memes. He could hear a groggy Grim complain in the background about the noise. 

“Alright. Here’s a question, princess. How much would you risk for the man beside you right now? Bet that’s where we’re different...”

Eliza’s gaze darted back and forth between you and Idia. Even the other ghosts were silent, waiting for your next words. 

“... because if you ask me, I would risk everything! That’s why I’m here wearing this stupid suit!”

It’s not real. It’s not real. The emotion behind every word was a punch to the gut. If you kept this up, he might need a healer soon. Ever since he realized he was falling, he tried to quell the sparks of hope you ignited whenever you did something nice for him. All that hard work was gone. Each word you uttered was gasoline. 

“To think that if I arrived minutes later… th-that I would never see him again!” A sob escapes your throat, your intimidating persona crumbling.

No, don’t do that. Idia wanted to reassure you that he was still there and he was okay, but he couldn’t. It’s part of an act. It’s part of an act. 

“So please… just let him go.” The front you wore has completely dissolved. There you were, reduced to a sobbing mess in front of a ghost princess and the students of NRC. 

You weren’t the only one. All traces of anger or fear have vanished from Eliza’s face. Instead, she put her hands over her mouth. The princess had been moved to tears. Finally, she turns to Idia. “Idia, they seem to l-love you very much… ”

“That’s right.” You wiped your tear-streaked face and pointed an accusing finger at the ghosts. “And all of you! Are you going to enable her forever? Encourage her shallow ideas of what love should be?” 

They all looked down, unable to meet your eyes. 

“You have no right to just snatch him up and claim him as yours,” you told Eliza with an unfaltering resolve, despite your tear-covered face and your crumbled front of strength. “Did you never think… that there could have been someone waiting for him to return?” 

“I-I never meant to!” Eliza cried. “I was so blinded by my own happiness. I never thought… never even considered…” 

“Princess, it’s alright. We all make mistakes.” Chubby told her, trying to be reassuring. 

“Tell me, intruder. How else am I going to find my prince?” she asked you with no trace of hostility. You stopped for a while, staring at her. 

You must not have expected the question. Idia saw you look at him—it was the longest time you’d looked at him all evening. Clearing your throat, you began to explain. You fumbled a bit, scratching the back of your neck and tugging at the hem of your coat as you explained what a perfect partner should be. 

As you spoke, Idia was enthralled by your voice and most of all, the knowledge you possessed about love and romance. He hadn’t seen this side of you before. How did he ever think that a hundred dating sims could make him a romance expert?

“Is that so?” she sighs, bowing her head. “I understand now. I’m so sorry… for causing you so much grief.” 

She turns to her companions, giving them a sad smile. “There’s only one thing to do. Everyone, we must stop this wedding.” 

Idia wanted to fall to the floor in relief. At least a few exhausted sighs and weak cheers could be heard from the wedding “attendees”. You fell to your knees, exaggerating your gratitude. 

“Thank you, princess!”

“But Princess… what about your happily ever after?” Chubby interjected. 

“I can’t tear two lovers apart!” Eliza wipes a few of her own tears, then turns to you. “I was deeply moved by your words. I dream of having a lover like you,” she sighs dreamily, probably imagining her future lover already. 

While the students of NRC rejoiced at this victory, Idia’s heartbeat quickened in fear. What if Eliza decided to take you for herself?

“Princess…” Chubby muttered, sighing. Eliza only gave him a reassuring smile. Phew. Idia relaxed, grateful that she doesn’t have the idea… yet. He didn’t know what to do if that thought became reality. 

Eliza turns to address the hall with a smile. “I have decided.” Everyone waited with bated breath for her announcement. Idia squeezed his eyes shut and silently urged her to announce their departure already. 

“Idia and I will not be married anymore. She smiles wide, and clasps her hands together. “However, there will still be a wedding!”

Your smile faded. “What… what do you mean, princess?”

She beams. “To make up for my mistake, I will make sure that Idia and his lover are married tonight!” 

~~

To be continued.

Tagging: @teashopwritingzz @twistedcrumbs 

Well, that was long. To think that I was planning for the story to be a one-shot! Once again, keep an eye out for Part 3. Thank you for reading! 

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

[reidyoulikeabook]

Sometimes You Just Don’t Know the Answer

4 times you don’t know the answer, and the 1 time you do

This is the 2nd part to Personal Google! (You don’t have to read it to understand this, but it exists if you want to).

Ship: BAU!reader x Spencer Reid

Summary: You’d call yourself a pretty educated individual, and most people wouldn’t argue with that, given that you’re a member of the BAU at Quantico. There’s just something about your best friend Spencer Reid that gets you all tongue tied.

Warnings: Mentions of cases and case-typical violence, mentions of alcohol, Spencer and Reader being idiots again.

Word count: 3k

A/N: The feedback (in asks and the tag reblogs) for Personal Google was so lovely and encouraging and I am very grateful for it! I only made this account a few days ago and I’m already so glad I did :) I hope this is a satisfactory second part and, requests are open!

(This is the Reid I’m imagining here)

“What is up with you and Reid?” Emily’s volume is unmoderated at the best of times but right now it’s like she’s trying to alert the entirety of Virginia to your dating woes.

Dating woes might be a stretch, actually. Somehow, just her implication that something is happening between you and Spencer (even though it isn’t, unless you count two exhausted idiots falling asleep on each other and being too bashful to ever mention it again), is enough to get you feeling uncharacteristically shy.

“Nothing,” you shrug, “Well. I don’t know, honestly, nothing I guess? We haven’t spoken about that night.”

Emily’s eyes rake over you, and you can tell she’s waiting for you to continue.

“There’s nothing!” you object, “We just, it was accidental, we fell asleep because we were watching a documentary and we were tired and neither of us fell asleep on purpose.”

She laughs, dry and amused, “At this rate, you’ll be lucky to have sorted things out before you’re 50.”

You scowl, but it’s only because you know she’s right.

***

You don’t have much time to think about your situation with Spencer for a few weeks, considering the rate at which the cases come rolling in. This newest one arrives within about two days of the last one you’d just wrapped up. It’s actually kind of rude, you’ve decided, that the serial killers of America have decided to deny you two weekends in a row.

You’re briefed on the case quickly: four women have gone missing over the past 7 months from a small town in Ohio. There’s no distinct pattern that can be discerned among the victims, the oldest is 60 and white, the youngest is 23 and Asian-American. However, the first three have been found dead in the past two weeks, all within a mile of each other and all killed with the same MO: ligature strangulation.

“So we have no idea how he’s choosing them,” you say.

“No,” Hotch replies, with a sigh.

Meaning that this is probably going to take a while. Spencer senses the way you tense up a little as you absorb that fact. So he goes out of his way to sit next to you on the plane. Once the discussion about the case is done, he nudges you gently, “Did you bring a book?”

You shake your head, “I finished the one in my go-bag. Didn’t have a chance to replace it.”

“Would you like to read this with me?”

You place your hand on his wrist, gently turning it so you can see the cover, “Spencer this is written in Greek.”

“I can translate,” he says.

You move closer to him then, your head resting just against his plane seat and your chin almost jutting against his shoulder.

“Is this okay?”

He nods. The remaining 45 minutes of the flight are spent with him reading to you softly, adding in his own thoughts as he translates and sometimes going off on little tangents. By the time you land you’ve entirely forgotten about your ire with the case. You’re focused only on the characters he introduces you to, who are clearly in love even if they’re too stupid to see it, and the way his nose crinkles a little when he reaches a word with no direct English translation.

Whhat you don’t realise, is that you end up folding into him: head pressed against his chest. Somehow, neither of you notice how you naturally gravitate towards each other. Some pair of profilers.

--

Hotch sends you in different cars to the precinct, and you’re soon reminded of your frustration as you’re caught up in the hub-a-bub of the case. It’s not until you’re leaving the station, after a long and relatively fruitless briefing with the medical examiners and local PD, that you even have time to acknowledge Spencer properly again.

And even then, it’s only when Hotch says.

"You'll be sharing a room with Reid, alright?"

He’s only really asking as a formality. Nobody questions Hotch’s assignments for them. So why, then, do you feel yourself flush a little.

Why then, do you feel so embarassed replying, “Alright.”

***

There was nothing much to be nervous about with sharing a room, as it so happened. The past day and a half had been a whirlwind since the unsub had snatched a fifth victim. You’d been sleeping in shifts, making sure that some of you were awake at all times to keep working.

You were working on the geographical profile with Spencer, and had taken to driving around to look for landmarks at night, when there was nothing much else to do. There were maps but sometimes it helped just to get things embedded in your brain. And now, at 4am, you’re bursting into the conference room occupied by Spencer and Rossi, because you might just have got something.

"I have an idea,” you say, and before anybody can even respond you’re scribbling hurriedly on the whiteboard.

“Slow down kiddo,” Rossi laughs.

“Sorry I’m just,” you cut yourself off, slightly flustered and tapping your foot with frustration as you try to put the last pieces of it together, “Diana Matthews.”

“Yeah?” Spencer responds.

“She was the one who lived on Lakefield right?” Rossi asks.

Annoyingly, you can’t remember off rote. Spencer sees the pinch of frustration in your brow. He senses that you’re heading for the case file.

So, he answers, “Yeah 38 Lakefield Drive.”

Smiling gratefully at him, you breathe a sigh of relief, “There’s three different stores in the area for this local electronic repair company, Gladston Digital, in this area. Two of them aren’t accounted for on the maps because these are from last year, and one of the ones on Google is pinned to the wrong street, there are two Minister Avenues and one’s on the complete opposite side of town.”

Denoting the map with annotations as you go, you continue, “All of the victims had residences within a mile of one of the three stores. And we interviewed the area manager, Paul something, he manages all three stores. He came to speak to me and Hotch while we were scoping the area.”

“Inserting himself into the investigation,” Rossi notes, “Fits the profile. A stalker like that would want to remain an illusion of control.”

“I just need to get Garcia on the phone to see if it checks out.”

Spencer just watches, slightly in awe, as you make the phone call to Garcia. She manages to cross-reference bank statements and emails, showing that all five of the victims had taken something of theirs in for repair sometime in the year before their disappearance. And he feels something in his gut. Pride? Maybe. That’s certainly a part of it.

But there’s something else in there too. Your eyes meet his, with a flicker of recognition. He realises what it is then: marvel. Your brain works so fast, and that’s not novel to him, he knows you’re intelligent but there’s just something about how fast you manage to put it all together. You conjure something out of nothing, a link that he’d missed. And he’s reminded, again, that he has to try and keep up with you sometimes. He wonders if you know that.

Probably not, he thinks. You’re rambling down the phone and gesturing with your hands, in a way you may or may not have picked up from him, and all he can think is how you look so in your element. And beautiful.

He’s a little embarassed about how normal it feels for that last observation to pop into his head.

***

“To _____!” Prentiss cheers.

8pm has rolled around. Since your revelation 16 hours earlier, you managed to confirm your thinking, apprehend Paul Bader, and save the fifth victim. All in all, a pretty good days work. It’s not just down to you, but everyone’s singing your praises so loudly it’s making you a little embarassed.

Even Hotch sets a drink down in front of you, squeezing your shoulder, “Really good work today ____.”

Fair to say you’ve probably peaked there.

Spencer is sat to your left, sipping at a Mai Tai that you know is going to have him giggly in about an hours time.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you out before,” you tell him, “I was going to come and wake you up when I got back but you were in the conference room.”

He smiles, “I know. It was my shift to sleep.”

“Bet you’re paying for that now.”

“A little,” he chuckles, “It’s worth it.”

"I just didn’t want you to think I was hanging you out to dry. You know, to make myself look good,” you decide to press further: mostly just because the team has sung your praises and that kind of attention makes you shirk at the best of times. Let alone when you’re sat with the guy responsible for creating half the damn profile.

His eyebrows furrow. You worry for a minute about what he’s going to say, but then, “I would never think that about you. We’re a team.”

He squeezes your hand. Maybe that’s your favourite thing about Spencer, really. More than the fact he remembers to get your caffeine just how you like it, more than how gentle he is with just about everybody he encounters, more than his relentless enthusiasm for your questions about whatever pops into your mind. No, it’s his modesty. The way he doesn’t even think for a moment to be prideful or arrogant about his intelligence. He genuinely roots for you in every moment, you think.

“Are you okay?” he asks, “You seem a little..quiet.”

It wasn’t until he mentioned it that you realise you’d let your thoughts run away with you, “No. I’m good. Just thinking about how good of a teacher you are.”

“You think so?”

“Of course I think so. You’ve taught me. I didn’t know the first thing about geographical profiling when I got here two years ago. I could barely read a map,” you laugh, keeping your tone sincere, “You’re a really good teacher Spence. I feel like I learn so much from just being around you.”

“I often don’t give you much choice.”

You smile, “I wouldn’t want you to. Really. I’m always interested in everything you have to say. I think you know that. But I wanted to tell you anyway. So you’re sure.”

He’s incredibly grateful you get pulled into a conversation by Morgan, giving him a moment to process.

A lifetime of being insecure. Of feeling like nobody was interested in what he had to say but not being able to really control whether he said it anyway. All this time being insecure in himself, and you liked it. Complimented him on it, even. Considered him a teacher. He doesn’t think he could articulate, in any of the languages he speaks, the sense of peace that brings him.

-----

The Mai Tai’s do make him sleepy. Buzzed, but sleepy. After being bought rounds by Hotch, Morgan, and Spencer, you’re feeling exactly the same. It’s only 10:30pm by the time you decide to make your departure for the night. This is much to the chagrin of Emily, who lolls against Rossi’s side demanding that you stay.

“Some of us have been up since 4 this morning, breaking their backs to keep this country safe,” You tease, putting on a melodramatic air just for affect, “Besides, you’re going to regret this when you have to be up and back on the jet in the morning.”

“You will, especially since you still owe me that report,” Hotch teases, with a smile.

Emily rolls her eyes, “You two are no fun.”

She’s joking, goading you, but unfortunately for her you have a sleepy Spencer nuzzling against you which is a far more pressing matter to deal with.

“Come on Spence, let’s get you to bed,” You say, gently wiggling out from under him and offering him your hand.

He pouts at the momentary loss of contact. It’s subtle. You catch it though. He links his fingers through your own, holding your hand properly, and you try not to read into it too much. He’s tipsy. He’s tired.

Ignoring the deliberately obvious eyebrow-wiggling from Morgan, you make for the lift.

“You didn’t have to come to bed just for me,” Spencer says, “I feel bad for taking you away from the others. I’m not that drunk, I could get myself to bed.”

You shake your head, “I wanted to go to bed with you.”

His eyes snap to you, a grin playing on his lips.

“I mean, I wanted to go to bed. And we’re sharing a room. So I’m going to bed with you. As in we’re going to the place where bed is, together.”

He’s just enough tipsy to be confident enough to jest, “Sure.”

You roll your eyes, “You sound like Morgan.”

“What did Morgan say?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what Morgan always says whenever anybody goes off together.”

“That they’re having sex,” He giggles, tipsiness shining through again.

“Yes, Spence, that they’re having sex.”

“But we’re not.”

The elevator dings as you arrive at your floor, saving your brain from delving into the implications of what he’s just said. And whether that was a disappointed or netural tone.

He hasn’t let go of your hand. He walks to the door with you, still keeping your hand in his. It’s hard not to let yourself read into it now. How holding hands with him could be such a casual thing. Hard not to imagine walking through bookshops with him, one hand in yours and the other picking books off the shelf he thought you’d like. The domesticity of it sickens you.

Then he lets go to cross to the bed.

“Aren’t you gonna put your pyjama’s on?” You ask.

“I wasn’t gonna sleep yet,” he says, “I was gonna...”

He looks bashful, suddenly, self-consciously licking his lower lip, “I was gonna ask if maybe you wanted to watch something with me. You can pick. I always pick.”

“This an excuse to get me in bed with you again, Spence?” You tease, just past tipsy enough not to care that this is the first time you’ve even acknowledged that night.

"Yeah, the Pearl Harbour ruse doesn’t work twice,” he jokes.

You wish you could find the courage to tease him more. Unfortunately, the liquid courage seems to have run out, and the topic somehow feels too delicate to touch.. Instead, you change quickly into your pyjama’s. Together, you pick something to watch, settling down. You’re suddenly thankful for the single bed, the necessity to be cozied up against him as you watch. To feel his chest, every beat of his heart. You swear it’s beating fast. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

***

Just like last time, you wake up huddled against Spencer. Unlike last time, there’s no Emily banging the door down to drag you to the police station. No, it’s quiet.

You can’t see what time it is because there’s a Spencer between you and the clock. Your phone is in your back pocket but it’s hard to find any motivation whatsoever to move when you’re like this: face pressed into his chest, his head resting atop of yours so a single curl of his hair tickles your nose, his hand on your hip holding you against him.  

His eyelashes flutter, “Are you awake?”

“Yeah. I just woke up.”

He smiles, “Me too.”

“Looks like we did it again.”

“Looks like we did,” his voice is quiet.

“Do you want me to move? If I’m...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

His free hand comes up to your chin, tipping it so you’re looking him directly in the eyes. His pupils are dilated. In the dim light it’s hard to place the look on his face exactly. But it’s soft.

"C-Can I kiss you?” the question spills quickly from his lips, like he’s afraid he’ll change his mind if he doesn’t get it out fast, “I just. I don’t know if that’s what you want too, I’ve just really-”

"Kiss me, Spence. Please kiss me.”

The smile on his face would have made you fall in love with him, if you weren’t already. And then he kisses you. Barely. Your lips are just grazing against one anothers. You tilt yourself upwards, towards him, giving him a better angle. Then he really kisses you, capturing your lips in his. It’s sweet, it’s soft, it’s...it’s everything. It’s everything, how his hands tangle themselves tentatively in your hair, how he kisses you so deeply, drinking you in.

His hand cups your cheek, then he’s pulling back, just a tiny bit, to mumble against your lips, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

The only appropriate way you can think to verbalise your agreement, is closing the gap between your lips again. There’s an urgency to it this time. Your lips move quickly, passionately. He swipes his tongue across your lower lip and you let him in, your tongues delicately dancing together. He’s good. He’s good and you don’t even notice the morning breath or faint taste of rum, it’s just Spencer.

When you finally come apart, you’re out of breath.

“I didn’t think you’d ever do that,” you say, “I was worried I was reading this whole thing wrong.”

He frowns then, that little nose crinkle appearing again, “I thought I was too obvious.”

“So did I. Maybe it’s best if we don’t tell Hotch how bad we are at profiling each other. He might rethink his decision to take us on.”

He laughs, “Not being able to profile when somebody’s in love with you might be a cause for concern. There are several obvious phyical signs of love, including dilation of pupils when looking at the object of your affection, heart rate synchronisation.”

“How am I supposed to know if our heart rates have synchronised?”

He smiles. Pressing a finger to your lips, he dips his head in the small chasm between your two chests. In the silence, in the early morning quiet, in the absence of all distraction you can hear it. The steady thrum of your hearts, pounding away at identical paces. The sound that told you that some part of you had always known.

--------------

Tagslist: @takeyourleap-of-faith​​ @sassiest-politician​​ (let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from this list)

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆

Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please

Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡

You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!

I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?

After an argument with Armin

{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }

{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }

Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.

When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.

Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?

He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.

Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.

Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.

The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."

Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.

You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.

But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.

As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.

How quiet the house is.

Has it always been this cold?

And just how much worried you are about him.

It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.

—

It's 4am

It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.

Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.

Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.

It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.

You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.

You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.

Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.

Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?

...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.

Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.

[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]

You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.

[Okay, give me a minute please ]

You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.

It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing

Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.

"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"

Oh If only he knew..

Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.

I missed you, did you miss me too?

Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.

How does it feel to take my heart and run away?

Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?

I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?

...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."

"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."

Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.

You tell him you love him, and miss him.

You're met with silence. So you call out his name.

"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.

What? Mad? You?

"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"

You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.

"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.

It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.

You ask if he's mad at you.

He instantly replies with a no.

"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."

{ Headcanons }

After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.

It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.

If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.

He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.

Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.

You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.

He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.

Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.

Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.

Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.

When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.

He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.

Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.

[arandompostarchive]

Inure Ch. 4

SAVED WORK

Summary: To some, The Specter is a serial killer. To some, a hero. But to everyone, you were entirely a mystery. You had no history, just a list of victims a mile long. No matter how many people searched your name, they could find anything. If only they had the spelling right. Now, you’ve come across some unfortunate information that drives you out of your usual shadows and into the path of the Avengers. Including two of the more reclusive members of the team. And it’s hard to pick only one of them.

***

“I don’t see what the problem is!”

You scoffed, angry at Howard’s words. “Really. You really don’t see the issue?” He shrugged but stayed silent. “You invited a horde of reporters when I said that no one else should see this. That doesn’t seem like a problem to you?” Despite the anger you were feeling, you looked fairly calm.

You weren’t the type to lash out and scream whenever something went wrong and even in the toughest situations you were collected. It’s a trait that would stick with you for decades to come.

“We need people to know about this. They need to know that there’s hope at the end of this tunnel, okay? We’re doing miraculous things, excuse me if I’d like to show the world.”

You rolled your eyes at his excuse. “Oh please, Stark. You just want an early payday. Not everything can be about your bank account. Especially in the middle of a war! People are dying Howard. We don’t need a media storm to distract us.” He huffed and sat down on one of the many stools you had around your lab. It wasn’t the fanciest place, but the army needed all the weaponry it could get and when they heard about you, they didn’t hesitate to give you a lab. Of course, your skills were always in question, as with most women, but for the most part, they left you alone. You had Peggy to thank for that.

“Look, let’s just give them a quick tour, tell them about SPECTR, and turn it on for a minute. 60 seconds, that’s all I ask.”

“Absolutely not.” You weren’t budging on this. Usually Stark was able to get you to agree to his stupid plans, but you had friends fighting in this war. Peggy had friends fighting this war. You weren’t going to see them dead just because you got distracted by cameras.

For a genius, Howard was probably one of the stupidest people you had ever met. Of course, he could invent beautiful things, but then he’d go and do something like this. Inviting reporters to see a project that was far from done. This wouldn’t give people hope.

“40 seconds, c’mon Doc. On and off, just so they know it works.”

“But it doesn’t work!”

“Well that’s why I’m saying 40 seconds!” He sighed, taking in a deep breath. “I understand, but don’t you think that’s a little unfair to me? C’mon Doc!”

You groaned, not dignifying him with an answer. You walked over to your machine, choosing to work more on the control panel outside the glass. The door to the machine was locked tight, keeping everyone out. It could be opened from the inside, but opening it from the outside took a specific keycard. As of now, there were four of them. Yours, Howard’s, Peggy’s, and an extra for high-ranking guests that entered your lab.

The control panel was still malfunctioning. It was the main reason you were saying no to Howard. You couldn’t risk something going wrong.

“You’ve gone over that panel 50 times.”

“If we want to help people, we have to be sure it won’t hurt them.” You said, looking at the buttons and making sure they worked. “Check the air compressors, okay? That machine gets too hot, I need to make sure those work. If it overheats, it’ll do the exact opposite of what we want.”

You could hear Howard mumble under his breath about how he was ‘certain that they worked’, but you ignored it and went back to your work.

You heard his voice shout at you from across the room.

“L/n?”

You didn’t respond, too focused on one of the buttons that wasn’t responding properly. It was the one meant to open the door with a small key card like invention. You took yours out and tested it a few times. It wasn’t responding correctly. You rolled your eyes and took out a few tools to fix it.

“L/n. Hey, Doc?”

You still didn’t respond, too focused on the task at hand.

***

“Doc? You good there?” You looked up, Tony’s face staring back at you.

You blinked a few times before coldly responding. “I’m fine.” You took another second before looking around. The lab’s lights were dimmed, which wasn’t surprising considering that it was about 4am.

“Alright then. As I was saying, this is definitely Hastings’ blood. I’ve ran it through every test I’ve got, every single match was positive.”

“He’s dead. Believe me, he’s dead. I always double check. A while ago I ran into someone who could regenerate. Had to kill him twice. Now, I just make sure I get it the first time.”

“Listen, I’m not doubting you, but are you sure?”

You rolled your eyes at him. He was so like Howard it bothered you. Even down to his nickname for you. “Doc”. “Well, that sounds exactly like you’re doubting me.”

“Okay, I’m doubting you,” he admitted. “But this is a perfect match. If this guy has been dead for years, I don’t think I need to explain why he couldn’t have robbed a museum.”

“Well, obviously.”

You looked over the matches again. Each result was perfect or near perfect. Not that you had much blood to test, but it was enough.

“Wanda might be right with her shapeshifter theory.” You heard from across the room. Bruce had joined you in the lab, though he was more interested in you for the time being. He had agreed to help find Hastings or his copycat and you agreed to let him research you. He was studying something under a microscope. You weren’t sure what he was looking at, but it seemed like he was comparing two samples.

“We have blood and it’s completely separate from the body. Can he really shift down to the molecular level and keep it that way after it’s away from his body?” You asked, not entirely sure. The scientist in you said it was impossible, but a few years ago New York got attacked by an alien race led by a Norse god, so you had really changed your definition of the word “impossible”.

“Maybe once it leaves the body, it retains its last form. If anything, it would make sense that the blood doesn’t have the ability to shift back when it’s away from its host.”

“Well, that’s one theory,” Tony said, thinking it over.

Of course, that wasn’t helpful at all. “So, our culprit is most likely a shapeshifter. How do we proceed?”

Tony and Bruce thought it over. “I’ll go inform everyone, they might have some ideas. Maybe you can find some way to make him revert back to his original form.” Bruce said, slowly walking toward the lab’s exit. You and Tony nodded and started looking over the limited information you had.

It was silent for a minute or two, the both of you working quietly on something. You were looking into a microscope, trying your best to compare it to a normal human sample. So far, nothing noteworthy. “Hey, Doc, when you built this thing, did you know it could turn into a giant weapon, or was that just an oversight.” You couldn’t entirely tell if Tony was joking. It seemed like something he’d want you to laugh at, but you still weren’t sure.

“Just work, Tony. If you find something, then talk to me. Otherwise I’d appreciate quiet.” You said harshly. It sounded meaner than you thought it would, but Tony was a Stark. You doubted he had any feelings anyway.

“Okay, let me ask you a question.” He said, slightly agitated by your response.

You sighed, “I have a feeling you’ll find a way to ask me whether I say yes or no.” You didn’t look up from the microscope, knowing Tony probably wouldn’t care.

“Why exactly do you hate me?” He asked. The question was sincere, but the tone of his voice made it sound sarcastic.

“What makes you assume I hate you?” Of course, you really did hate him. But you hadn’t murdered him yet, so you were doing better than you thought you would.

“Well, we haven’t exactly been best friends.” He says, looking at you. You had only looked away from your microscope to check some of the information you had gathered about Hastings. Nothing useful.

“Perhaps that’s because there’s a shapeshifter trying to murder people with a makeshift weapon that I invented.” Your voice stayed fairly monotone. You were only half paying attention to what Stark said.

“Well, yes. But you’ve been tolerating the company of most people here. Just thought maybe I did something. Which, hey, I’m not perfect.”

You nodded. “Yes, Stark. You are far from perfect.” You still didn’t look up to meet his gaze.

“See! This is what I mean.” He didn’t sound rude, which is what you were expecting. Instead he seemed to want an answer. Admittedly, this wasn’t the outcome you were looking for.

“Well, Stark. Maybe you’re just not as charming as you think you are, hm?” You said, glancing up for only a moment before looking back down. “I’ve seen your press conferences. That outrageous confidence. I’ve seen you flying around, thinking you’re this world’s savior. You treat everything like a joke. There always has to be a punchline with you, something sarcastic. Talking to people like you’re some kind of god.”

He sighed, taking a moment to think of something to say. “Well, you may have seen me on TV, but you haven’t gotten a chance to actually know me. I mean, yeah, I’ll give you the sarcasm one you’re pretty spot on, but I’m hardly as confident as I look in front of those people.”

“I’ve seen you from afar. That’s good enough.” You said simply, trying to get him to be quiet so you can go back to working in silence.

“So you’re not going to try to have a real conversation with me? Who knows, you might hate me slightly less.” This time you didn’t respond, hoping he realized this conversation was going nowhere.

He reminded you of Howard more than you’d like to admit. But he certainly had his differences. “You’re an idiotic genius who thinks he’s a god on Earth. I’ve seen you Stark. What you do, who you are. I know everything I need to.”

He seemed upset, almost offended. “I understand, but don’t you think that’s a little unfair to me? C’mon Doc!”

That made you stop. You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. You weren’t sure what emotion you were feeling. It certainly wasn’t sadness, but it wasn’t quite anger either. More like an upsetting mix of several emotions, all making each other worse.

Then you laughed. It was a humorous laugh, but an empty one.

“You sound just like him.” Now you were actually looking at Tony, tracing the outline of his face with your eyes.

“Uh… who?” Stark said, looking fairly confused. He was probably somewhat creeped out by you staring at him, but you didn’t really care.

“Howard. He said that to me once.” You had abandoned your work, now more focused on the man in front of you.

“Right. I forgot you and Capsicle lived in the 40s.” You could tell he wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Not that you blamed him.

“You’re very alike you know. Dumb. But the stuff you build makes it seem like you’ve got a real brain in your head.”

“…thank you?” He said, thinking over your words.

“You’re also both arrogant assholes.” You said, not really considering his feelings. In your experience, feelings were too bothersome. Sometimes, you’d get attached to people you had to kill. That was never helpful.

“Hey, I thought you 40s people were supposed to be polite and stuff.” You only shrugged in response.

“Howard was awful. The bane of my very existence. I thought we were friends, but I was extremely wrong.” You looked straight at Tony, your eyes darkening as they stared into his. “If I give you a chance, Tony. If I get to know you and make a real attempt to become your ‘friend’, then you will do the same. You are a Stark, after all.” You said, stating the reason for your decision.

Tony got more serious too. “Look, I’m sorry for whatever he did. Clearly, he, uh, did something pretty bad. I don’t blame you. But whatever it was, I didn’t do it. I never asked for him to be my father. Don’t group us together.” You could tell you had struck a bit of a nerve. You doubted anyone could hate Howard Stark as much as you, but you were starting to hate his son a little bit less.

***

“You seem tired.” Bucky noted from the kitchen. He was reaching up to grab some chips while you stood across the room. It was midday, so almost everyone had something to do, leaving the two of you alone.

You had a proper sized glass of whiskey in your hands, much different from your usual full glass.

You rolled your eyes at him. “Yeah, thanks.”

He seemed a bit worried, “Not in a mean way, you just seem, I don’t know, less energetic?”

He was right. Since you had moved in to a strange place with people you didn’t know, it had gotten harder to sleep. You decided to let yourself adjust. These were heroes, they weren’t going to murder you in cold blood.

And then you remembered that you’re a wanted serial killer, which put you even more on edge. Of course, without you they wouldn’t have as much information about SPECTR, but that didn’t help ease your worries.

Instead, you had spent a good amount of your time in the gym. It had been a while since you’d had a place to work out alone. While you were enjoying the alone time, the lack of sleep was starting to get to you.

“Yeah, I don’t feel too energetic. Just a bit sleepy I guess.” You told Bucky, choosing not to discuss your sleep issues.

“Fair enough.” He said, putting a few chips in his mouth and biting down. The crunch filled the empty silence and you chose to walk toward the living room area. As expected, Bucky silently followed you and you turned on some older movies. Though Tony had a limited number of 1940’s movies, modern movies and TV shows weren’t all that bad. When you were a child, the special effects would’ve entranced you. Now, you let Bucky choose which movies to watch. He seemed to understand that superheroes and serial killers didn’t really like action movies. You saw enough of that in real life, though there were a few interesting ones out there.

As you sat with Bucky watching some feel-good movie, your mind drifted a bit. You found yourself wondering what Loki would’ve thought. The thought was fleeting at first, but the more you considered it, the weirder you felt. It had been decades since you’d had a real friend, much less two. Besides, it didn’t hurt that two literal superheroes wanted to spend time with you.

You found yourself moving closer to Bucky, letting your head fall on his shoulder. Truthfully, you didn’t think much of it. You felt like putting your head down and Bucky happened to be there. The action was simple.

Your eyes fluttered closed barely 20 minutes in and Bucky noticed how your breathing had evened out. He smiled softly to himself and turned down the volume so it wouldn’t wake you up.

***

“So, we have no idea who they are or where they’re going next. Any thoughts?” Steve asked the group. They all looked at each other, hoping someone would speak.

You glanced across at Bucky who seemed to be staring at everyone but you. He never looked in your direction during meetings. Normally, you wouldn’t mind, but a small part of you was disappointed.

“If we ran into him, Wanda could scan his head, right? Like, tell us who he is?” Clint asked. The question wasn’t really directed at anybody, but Wanda was the one who answered.

“Sort of,” she began. “It is more like sensing someone. Not exactly mind reading. And if I don’t know the person I’m looking for, it’s not very helpful.” She said, slightly disappointed. Mind reading. Now there’s something you could do.

You were going to speak, but Loki beat you to it. “Mind-reading is a magical art, though it is one I have never trained in. I don’t have a proper teacher, so I doubt it will be adequate, but I could try to find some books on it.” He suggested.

Steve nodded and you spoke up before anyone could say anything else. “Actually, I can read minds. I don’t use it often, but it’s not difficult for me.” The group had mixed reactions. Some seemed glad they had someone in the group who could help, but others seemed more wary of you now.

“You may be a good teacher then. This may be easier than I thought.” Loki said, smiling at you. You smiled back at him. You inwardly questioned why you automatically smiled, it wasn’t something you found yourself doing often. In an odd way, you liked it. Loki seemed to have that sort of calming air about him, despite what the media may say about him.

“Okay, so we have one mind-reader and two sorta mind-readers. How does that help us find him?” Tony questioned.

“Maybe we set a trap.” Natasha suggested. She shifted her vision to you, “Spectr, did you have any other parts that can’t be replicated?”

You thought over everything you made. You shook your head. “Everything else can be replicated with a little bit of time and effort.” You said, not thinking of everything.

“But they don’t have time. We’re coming after them, they must know that. So, if you were building the machine again today, what would take the most time.” She said, still looking at you. The rest of the group was also looking. It was beginning to make you a bit self-conscious.

“Our core was a complicated thing. To be honest, we didn’t even know what it was. Now that I’m here, 70 years later, it was probably something magical. But then we had no idea. The container I made for it took me longer than I’d like to admit. With the modern tools I’ve seen, I’m sure it would take less time, but I know it wouldn’t be quick without blueprints. I had to test it over and over before I finally got something. And building it took forever.”

Natasha nodded. “So, we start there. Where would that core be?” She asked, still looking at you.

“I have no idea. I never bothered to do research on where it went or if it survived.” She then glanced at Steve who was already looking at a screen in front of him.

“Steve and I found a list of World War II machinery that might be yours.” Natasha explained. You stood up, standing by Steve and looking at the pictures.

You didn’t spot anything that resembled your core at all. You sat back down, unsure how to continue.

Natasha was thinking too. Then, Wanda spoke. “Well, if he can’t find the real machine, then he’d want blueprints, right?” The group nodded. “So, where would he get those?”

You had limited tangible blueprints. Though every other inventor in the world would scold you, you liked to sit down and tinker. Sometimes, you made something odd and useless. Other times, you made things like a core stabilizer.

“From the file I got, he already has most of the blueprints that exist. Everything else is my head. No tangible papers.”

Wanda’s eyes darkened. “So, he’ll be coming for you.”

***

[dadoroki]

Every Comic Has A Story

Tomura Shigaraki x Reader

Warnings: softboi shiggy, fluff, swearing

Summary: When Japan’s most dangerous villain meets a witty and flirty comic store clerk.

The mall was unsurprisingly packed, as it was the weekend. Everyone had something to do or somewhere to go. Shopping for items, chatting with friends. Not for Shigaraki though.

After his tight encounter with Midoriya, he walked the crowded mall all alone, stuck in his own thoughts. How could he become stronger? To become better than Stain? To defeat All Might? His thoughts would be dispersed when a loud angry voice boomed from his right side.

“How many times do I gotta tell you kids? This stuff is 18+!” Shigaraki turned his attentive gaze towards your voice, a voice that could instantly gain anyone’s attention. Well, aside from how loud it was. He slowly walked into the store, staring at a messy rack full of comics but secretly eavesdropping on the conversation.

“Ma’am, I’m 18! See?” The boy handed you an ID card, one that instantly made you aware of how fake it was. The card was poorly constructed and taped for crying out loud. “You all look 12. Now get lost before I call one of those bad guys to come down and beat your asses.” The boys ran out of the shop in a hurry, fearing for their lives. You turned your attention to the new customer who wore his black sweater a bit too suspiciously. “Aye, you.”

Shigaraki calmly turned his head towards your direction. He was sure to cover his face, hanging his head down low. “You’re lookin’ hella suspicious. Did you come here to shoplift?” He stood in his place, squinting his eyes at the ground. Were you always this talkative and annoying? “Are you profiling me?”

You were taken aback by his response, moving your hands and shaking your head frantically. “Uh, no. Not at all. Sorry.” His face filled with annoyance, moving to grab a random comic and walking to your counter. You glanced at the book he chose, ‘Pretty Princess Diaries’. A giggle couldn’t help but escape your lips, causing Shigaraki to grow more agitated. You reached under the counter and grabbed a more suitable comic for him. “I think you’d enjoy this better. It’s about the psychology of the villain, Memphis, and how he defeats the heroes.”

There was no reason as to why he even stepped foot in the comic store but this was perfect for Shigaraki. It would give him many ideas and ways to help in the current situation he was in. However, he wasn’t willing to pay the price. “I don’t feel like buying this.” He began to lower his final finger on the cover page, ready to deteriorate it. That way, you’d be frightened by him. “Oh, don’t worry. It’s on the house.”

He removed his entire hand completely away from the comic, watching you take it and place it in a white bag. Confusion was the only emotion he was feeling. You handed him the bag with a smile. Even though you could barely see his face, he strongly caught your interest. He looked mysterious and interesting. Or maybe you’ve just been reading too many romance themes. “If you like it, come back and get the next one.”

Shigaraki looked at you with disgust, fully aware of the love eyes you sent him. He mumbled a quick “sure” and left the store, hoping to never step foot inside ever again.

When he got back from the long travel, he tossed the bag to the side and slumped on his cold bed. He glanced at the plastic bag before pulling out the comic and taking a long look at it. A dark matte cover, red cheapfire font imprinted in the center, and underneath was the main villain. Shigaraki had nothing else better to do so he decided to read only a bit of it. Going from one page, to thirteen, to forty, until it reached the end. He wasn’t aware but it was already 4am in the morning.

Shigaraki entered the store, the same place he refused to step foot in again. He placed the white bag on the counter, setting his empty hands back in his pockets. “I need the next one.” You could barely understand him through his mumbling, causing you to lean in closer. You noticed a few of his hidden features. His fragile face, chapped lips. Chapped lips?

“Nah, what you really need is some chapstick for those crusty ass lips.” You grabbed your cherry lip balm from your purse, holding it out to him with a wink. “You can have mine. It’s my favourite flavour.” Shigaraki snatched the item from your hand, shoving it in his pocket with a huff of annoyance. Your flirtatious presence really started to get on his nerves.

This would be his last visit to you and he couldn’t wait to leave but then, a thought popped off in his head. He needed a pawn to do his dirty work. The work that he nor his group could carry out due to the huge attention it would gain. He needed someone who was as easy as you. “You know, you’re quite a view.”

You raised a brow, not expecting the sudden compliment. “Oh, thanks.” Shigaraki wasn’t the best at flirting but he needed to try in order to fully wield you in. “When’s your lunch break?” You sat straighter in your chair, a smile slowly forming across your face. You weren’t really sure when but you knew your friend would cover your shift if he knew about the situation. “I can end now. Eijiro!” You called in the back room. “I need you to cover my shift please.”

Without even waiting for a response, you grabbed your purse and stood beside an irritated Shigaraki. He didn’t expect to be hanging out with you so soon and wasn’t fully mentally prepared for your excessive energy. It was going to be a long dreadful day.

You both sat on the edge of the water fountain, ice cream in hand. It had only been an hour and Shigaraki was ready to end himself. You gladly licked your ice cream while he sat still, staring at you. Everything about you annoyed him. The way you sat perfectly under the mall sunroof or how graceful you looked eating your ice cream. You took notice of the way his pinky extended away from his cone. “What are you, British?” You pointed at his finger, causing him to look down at it. “I don’t think all British people do that.”

You shrugged your shoulders, standing up from your spot. He followed your movements, his height causing him to look down on you. You embraced him in a tight hold, feeling the rigidness of his body. “I had a great time. By the way, what’s your name?”

He wasted no time in saying his name, incapable of standing your presence any longer. “Shigaraki.” Finally, you’d regret spending the day with him and leave him alone. You stood there silent in confusion, resting a finger on your chin. “Huh, like the villain?” Holy shit, this girl was dumber than he thought. “Anyways I gotta go. Come by tomorrow so we can do this again.” You left him speechless, standing all alone in the middle of the busy mall.

He was sure of giving up. You weren’t worth all the mental suffering but here he was with you again, walking around the same mall. Earlier, he had mentioned how he hated holding hands so instead, you linked your arm with his while he had his hands in his pockets. The big advertisement sign of skincare caught your attention, stopping you in your tracks and making him do the same. “Look Shigz, we should go in. You need that.”

You looked up at him with a cheeky smile, causing him to groan in revulsion. He wasn’t sure why he was going along with it. Applying chapstick was enough for him but to you, if it worked on his lips, it would definitely work on his face.

He noticed all the skin products on display, walking down the extremely bright aisle. He heard his nickname being called and turned around, feeling your soft hands rub against his face. “You said you had a skin condition so the employee recommended me this.” Shigaraki watched as you ran your fingers from his face, all the way down to his neck. He never recalled feeling another human’s touch in such a caring way.

You both made your way towards the counter, paying for the product and leaving. To his surprise, he actually bought the cream. The very first time in his life, he actually bought something instead of stealing it. You were a bad influence on him and his work and he needed nothing more than to depart from you.

“Shit, it’s almost time for my shift.” You stood on your tippy toes, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek before steadily jogging off. “I’ll see you soon!” Never in his life had he been given such affection. Shigaraki touched the area of where your lips had kissed with delicate fingers.

That night, he tossed and turned in his bed, struggling to find sleep. You were an internal battle to him. On one side, he hated your guts and wanted nothing more than to escape from you. On the other, he hated to say it but he enjoyed your company. The way you made him feel something he’d never felt in all his years of living. He decided at that moment, he’d confess to you. No, nothing romantic in any way but strictly his identity. The identity that you somehow failed to process.

“What do you mean she doesn’t work here?” The next day, Shigaraki stepped foot in the comic shop, only to be told you weren’t there. The new clerk adjusted his glasses. “I’m sorry, sir. You’re gonna have to describe her.” A now frustrated Shigaraki grew heavily impatient, not having the time to deal with this. He realized he never asked for your name, a stupid rookie mistake he made. “She’s this short, (y/h/c) hair, (y/e/c) eyes, a little slow, annoying, and dumb.”

The man shook his head with a puzzled face. “I’m sorry but I just started working here and I don’t know much of who works here.” Shigaraki scratched his neck, seconds away from decaying him but restraining himself. “What’s the point of asking me that question then?”

He walked out of the store defeated. Shockingly, he didn’t reach over the counter to kill the goof. You really were a bad influence on him. A moment of walking later, he felt a tap on his shoulder. “Shigz.”

He recognized the fine voice all too clearly. He started to broil in anger. In a matter of seconds, he quickly spun around to face you. “Where were you? I tried visiting you and you weren’t there.” You were astounded, never witnessing Shigaraki this mad before. Usually, he was calm and quiet. “I quit my job. They weren’t paying good.”

He closed his eyes, letting the stress leave his body. “Listen closely.” He opened his red eyes which met yours. In that instant, he wasn’t sure what to say. He wanted to express how he felt but his feelings were too complicated and corrupted. “Like I said, I’m Tomura Shigaraki. The leader of the League of Villains.”

“Uh, yeah. You already told me.” He paused in perplexity, having the inability to speak or understand the situation. What did you mean you already knew? For the longest time, he thought you weren’t the brightest and he was okay with that. You began to laugh, trying to maintain it with a hand clasped on your mouth. “Did you really think I didn’t know? It was pretty obvious, Shigz. I just wanted to get to know you as you. Not how everyone sees you.”

He stood motionless feeling flabbergasted, allowing you to grab onto his arm. “I never asked you for your name.” If he never mentioned it, you’d had completely forgotten about it. “(Y/n).”

“(Y/n)” He trailed in a slight whisper, repeating after you. “Why don’t I take you on a proper date?”

With the biggest smile that warmed Shigaraki’s cold heart, you held him in closer.

“I would like that a lot.”

[youeverfeelcursed]

On the Narrative of Last of Us Part 2 (3/3)

So this should be the last part on the narrative but I’ll probably post more thoughts on characters, representation, maybe on some details of the gameplay that just made me wish I could design something like this and most likely a text on where do I think this franchise is going to. 

I will also check and fix the previous posts as I know there’s typos and some mismatched data and maybe some timelines confusing. Logically, it comes with posting at my 3am and working from memory and not notes. 

That said, lets just move onto what I hope is interesting enough for people to read these old woman’s ramblings. For anyone still reading, thank you very much for your attention, it’s been a while since I truly enjoyed analizing an art piece.

(Note: I’m marking this post for rechecking as I feel its a bit convoluted. I blame it being 4am.) 

We ended the previous Act 3 (Abby’s Act) with a overhead shot (or aerial if you prefer) of Ellie and Dina on different sides of the shot, close but separated with Ellie being bathed by a red light and both represented in a descending oblique line from Dina to Ellie. 

I find it a wonderful shot that represents Ellie’s story in few and simple details. 

(For those interested, the name in the screenshot is from MkIceAndFire a No commentary channel I follow, go check him out!) 

From here, we jump to what I called the respise intermission, a short part but full of important details for the understanding of the next and final act. 

Like a moth to the flame, or how living sometimes is harder than dying.

The next part of Ellie’s story is as bittersweet as the best coffee you’ll ever have. We find her reminiscencing over Joel’s watch on hers and Dina’s bedroom. Putting it away we get to finally hold in our arms the cutest potatoe I’ve ever seen: JJ! Jesus that child is cute. And it’s obvious that Ellie loves him with all her heart. 

During this time we get to explore the beautiful they both probably restored to live in, in which it specially caught my attention how Ellie surprinsingly gets a full room for herself, whereas Dina seems to have a small space in the living room , where the photo of her sister sits.

I loved this part so much but I could feel that something was wrong, and it is. If we read Ellie’s diary we find out that she’s having trouble sleeping and dealing with people, needing to hide and what’s most likely profound PTSD thats later shown with her breaking down after herding all the sheep. 

A detail that I found important is the fact that she breaks down while having JJ in her arms, which has to be removed by Dina in case she hurts him during her seizure. Because remember that for Ellie protecting those she cares for is very important, so, does she feel she can protect them now?

Stop for a minute and think of how hard is for nowadays soldier to treat PTSD even with psychological support and meds, and how many of those war survivors end commiting suicide anyway. Now imagine that same in a world where violence is constant - yes they live peacefully in the farm but do you really think they don’t have to deal with any straggler? - and there’s basically zero to none mental health support.

Thats where it is important to pay attention to the moment when Ellie is coming back from hunting, how she cleans her face and takes a deep breath and puts her mask on - an obvious referal to her words in her diary - just before going back to Dina and JJ. 

I mean this is not the face of a person fully happy, its the face of a person thats putting her best front but catastrophically failing her inner battle. 

Tommy’s visit manages to break any remainer of the mask she tried to maintain so hard. It is obvious how while he tells her how he found information about Abby that with every word she breaks a little bit more. The trembling, tight shut lips and her open wide eyes that look as hopeful as they look lost. 

If this were another world, one in which I believe Ellie could get help, I would have hated that she left. But she says it herself, she doesn’t sleep, she doesn’t eat, she has a full room for herself so she can have space and even so she leaves for long times alone. She’s not really living, she’s riding the waves as they come but never truly enjoying it because by now her trauma is so deep I would have been surprised that she stayed. 

Because when Tommy talks about Abby, she feels a light, a hope of being able to just pour all of this shit out of her. Abby is not even important anymore, shes just a barrier for Ellie for her own liberation from her demons. Or thats what she thinks. 

She truly does JJ and Dina, but she’s completely broken inside. She’s missing pieces and for her, this is a chance of regaining them. It’s not even about vengeance anymore, it’s about rest. An end. Closure. 

What comes around, goes around. Or how Santa Barbara was the so needed eye opening. 

I was truly happy to see Abby and Lev being kind of silly and well, happy. They are the example of how you can heal when you learn to forgive both yourself and others. A extreme image compared to what we’ll see from Abby next time.

Fast-forward to Ellie after leaving the Rattlers village. Look at Ellie, she’s slightly delirious - Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby... - completely battered, skinny, with a fucked up side, half limping and pulling through out of sheer desesperation. She needs to do this, because if she doesn’t everything she left behind - Dina, JJ, Jackson - will be for nothing. She says it herself in her diary, she cannot think of that. 

And it’s funny. It’s funny there she goes. She helps Abby down and follows both of them to two small boats where she makes a scranny and completely eaten up Abby battle with her in exchange of not hurting Lev. 

The battle is sad. Abby contrary to Ellie had started healing so she didn’t want to battle. But it’s sad, these two beautiful human beings battling against each other as shadows of what they used to be, eaten away by life, hate and stupid decisions. You just feel like being over it because by this point it just feels completely stupid to keep warring. 

And there, Ellie doesn’t kill Abby. We get a flashback of Joel playing the guitar that stops her from killing her. 

And it’s funny, it’s funny because without Ellie both Lev and Abby would be rotting in those pillars. She left her home to kill a woman and ends saving both their lives! Why would she do that? 

We end this Act 4 with Ellie alone, watching the last remains of her flame disappear into the nothing. Rock bottom. You cannot go down further. That’s what it means. She left her family, Tommy is crippled and kind of hates her, Jesse is death, Joel is death, Ryley is death.

 And yet she left Abby leave. But why? 

The answer to all this crazyness is in the last flashback of her and Joel and a few words that are thrown into the night. 

“I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would’ve fucking mattered. But you took it from me!”

Purpose. 

Yes, purpose. A meaning to her life. A meaning that has been ripped from her hands multiples times in situations out of her control. Is this what she really wants? Her life to revolve around vengeance? Is this what she’s choosing? 

So for once, she decides for herself and she decides that no. She doesn’t want that path. It’s not enough anymore. 

Ellie was supposed to die with Riley, but she survived and found out that’s she’s immune. 

Ellie traveled from one side to another of USA to be the solution to humanity’s problem. To help create a vaccine, whatever the cost. She was ready for it, she was ok with it. But it was ripped from her and lied about it multiple times. 

Imagine thinking you’re immune but that it means absolutely nothing. After getting yourself mentally ready for whatever it would happen, you are told that you’re useless. That you cannot help. That you’re worthless. 

Worthless. 

She ends in Jackson, And learns she’s been betrayed by the person she trusted most, that she could have meant something instead of just living taking care of cows and patrolling. 

It was impossible for Ellie to remain the same even before Joel’s death. Because Ellie is a very complicated character made of survivor guilt, a need to have a purpose in life, too many personal loses and self hating. Not only that, but all of this happens during her adolescence, a time which is hard to deal already without all these traumas piling up. 

Joel’s killing is what makes the bomb explode. Suddenly she can do something, she can leave Jackson and she can revenge him. Again, purpose. She can feel alive because she’s got finally a direction. It’s just not the correct one, because we all know that hate is a terrible guide but for her, is the only guide amids the fog. 

Ellie is a character that has been lost from the moment she learned she could have helped humanity. Chasing Abby was literally the easy path to take to give some meaning to her life. 

When she was with her family at the ranch, I truly believe she wanted her purpose to be to protect her family, but it was something impossible for her to do in her condition. She tried hard, but she couldn’t do it. Her diary again sheds some light on these, on how she feels she has nothing else to give to them. 

We know that, if Joel hadn’t been killed, she could have healed given enough time. She could have forgotten him. She could have find a motivation in Jackson. But there’s so much you can push something until it completely breaks. 

I think that, at the end of the game, when she walks from the ranch she realizes she cannot keep going like this. That if she wants her life to mean something, she has to do it herself instead of just waiting for it to happen. And I feel I know which way she will take next and why. 

Although the ending might seem sad, I found it strangely positive. The circle comes to a end, the guitar that Joel cleaned in the first seconds of the game, is put down by an Ellie lacking two of her left hand fingers impossible, to play it again that way. It is an act of moving on, but not of forgetting. 

Of finally attaining peace of mind, and the chance of recovering herself. 

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

If Only In My Dreams

Chapter 3:  Faithful Friends Who are Dear to Us

Chapter Summary: A skype call ensues between our two protagonists.

Pairings: platonic prinixety & platonic moxiety

 Word-count: 3468

Over-All Fic Warnings: abusive parents, homesickness, misunderstandings, crying, loneliness, hurt/comfort

Inspiration:  this ask right here

AO3 LINK, Chapter 1, Chapter 2

This was such a chore to write, but it’s finally done!! Many thanks to @theeternalspace for beta’ing as always. There will be an epilogue following suit, but I can’t promise when I’ll post it considering this chapter took six months to write haha

- 

Virgil stared at his phone.

“I’m such a screw-up.” He whispered underneath his breath.

He hadn’t responded to any of his best friend’s texts and now Patton thought he hated him. When in actuality, that was very much the opposite. Virgil loved his best friend so much that he feared the idea of being rejected by him. It had been so stupid to ignore Patton like that.

Of course Patton would think he think he hated him. Virgil had given him the silent treatment all week. Worse, Virgil had broke his promise of reuniting with him in Florida. It’d been so easy in the moment to avoid breaking the truth to Patton. He was now paying for the repercussions of his actions.

Would Patton still want to be friends with him after all this? Virgil wouldn’t want to be friends with himself.

Roman cleared his throat, causing Virgil to jump. He’d almost forgotten he was in the same room as him.

“I know it’s not my place,” He began, “but whoever this “Patton” character is to you, they seem to care a lot about you.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow, “You’ve been reading my text messages?”

He really should be more pissed off about that than he was. Virgil coveted his privacy, protecting his phone from prying eyes like a hawk. But he could hardly bring himself to care about that in the midst of his pity party.

“Only the ones that popped up on your screen. I don’t know your phone’s password, I swear!” Roman said, attempting to justify it, although he looked as ashamed as he rightfully should be, “They even tried calling you at one point. I was going to answer it, but Logan advised against it. Said it was an invasion of your privacy.”

Virgil glanced back down at his phone. Well, that explained why it was on the coffee table and not his hoodie pocket. His phone screen went black and he pressed the home button, turning it on once more. Patton’s last two text messages peered back at him. 

Patton Hart 💙: Hey kiddo...are we still friends?

Patton Hart 💙: It’s okay if we aren’t!! I know how you are, Virge, you don’t have to feel obligated to remain friends. Seasons come and go, y’know? Not everything lasts...and that’s okay. I still cherish every memory we spent together. But if you want me to stop meownoying you with texts, I’ll understand.

Virgil let out a strained sound, something halfway between a sob and a laugh. Trust Patton to still slip in a pun in a text like that. Patton loved puns. Virgil also loved puns, a dark secret of his that Patton alone knew. Virgil couldn’t openly admit to liking puns. It messed with his edgy emo vibes. 

Meownoying. What a godawful, cheesy pun. In any other context, Virgil would be covering his mouth in a poor attempt to mask his laughter.

He glanced over back to Roman, who stood a few feet away from him. Roman crossed his arms in a relaxed manner, eyes wide with concern. He opened his mouth, his breath hitching at the last second. For the first time since Virgil had known him, Roman looked hesitant. It was clear he wanted to help in some way, but he didn’t know how. Virgil didn’t blame him. They may have spent a whole semester living in the same apartment, but they were at best acquaintances and at worst, strangers.

Virgil sighed, gripping onto his phone tighter.

“Patton is my best friend. Or at least he was,” He said, staring down at the carpeted floor, “The two of us have been friends since middle school. We had planned on meeting up while I was back home in Florida. You can guess how that turned out.”

He wasn’t sure why he was telling this to Roman. It was stupid. Maybe being alone in that apartment for three days without heat caused some brain damage. He explained what had happened to Roman. Well, almost everything. He left out what exactly kept from getting another flight.

Several times he looked up at Roman, expecting him to laugh or make fun of him. Roman did none of those things. He instead leaned against the side of the couch, patiently listening to him. After he finished, there was a lapse of silence. Then Roman spoke,

“You should talk to him.”

Virgil groaned. That damn dreaded phrase. Of course, what else could Roman say? It was true. Only talking would solve this situation. It didn’t mean he didn’t still loathe the idea of it.

“I know.” Virgil said, gritting his teeth as his gaze drifted to the floor, “It’s just I’m...scared.”

It was stupid, Virgil knew, to be afraid of contacting Patton. It wasn’t like the apocalypse would come to fruition or anything. The best-case scenario is that they would remain friends. The worst-case scenario is that they...wouldn’t remain friends and god, that felt worse than death to Virgil. Patton was his only friend, the only person who knew him better than even his parents. Virgil was going to lose him, and like everything else in life, it was all his fault.

He doubted that Roman would understand. From what little he knew of the other, he was confident, cocky, fearless--

“There is no shame in being afraid, you know. I were you, I think I would just as afraid.” Roman said, causing his whirling thoughts to grind to a halt.

“Really?” Virgil gawked up at him.

“Well yeah,” Roman said as he sat down on the couch beside Virgil, “even the bravest of knights have fears.”

“If they’re brave, how can they be afraid then?” Virgil quirked an eyebrow.

“Because bravery is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to continue despite it,” Roman smiled softly, “it is okay to be afraid. However, you must question whether or not is worth it to conquer your fear.”

When Virgil kept staring at him blankly, Roman continued.

“Friendship is like—like a ship!” He snapped his fingers together, “Made up of you and a fellow seafaring traveler—a friend. Together you embark on a wondrous journey, experience amazing things together! But sometimes you might encounter stormy weather or some sort of…sea-witch that threatens to wreck your friend-ship. 

“And! You can only save it if you gather the courage to do so. If you jump ship out of fear, the ship will sink. I suppose the question you must ask yourself is: are you willing to go on living with your friendship becoming a shipwreck, or are you willing to attempt to save it from such a fate?”

“Wow…” Virgil said, after finding his voice, “that was incredibly cheesy.”

He’d known Roman had a flair for the dramatics. Once before midterms he found Roman saying a eulogy over his broken jar of crofters jam at 4am in the morning. Still, as cheesy as it’d been, Virgil couldn’t help but be moved.

The fear of rejection was a strong fear. But could he truly live with regrets? Regrets about how he hurt Patton? Regrets about how he didn’t try to fix it? He knew all those fond memories he shared with Patton would become tainted with those regrets. He didn’t want that to happen.

“But,” Virgil spoke up again, “you do have a point.”

-

Anxious_EmoNightmare is calling…

Patton sunk to the floor beside the refrigerator. He ignored its insistent beeping for him to shut the freezer door. Instead he focused his attention on his phone. Virgil’s profile pic stared back at him. Not a picture of himself, rather, but a drawing of the two Patton had made and given him.

Virgil was an amazing artist, with the knack of creating art that invoked true emotion from the viewer. Patton’s art, on the other hand, was barely a step above stick figures. Still, Virgil treasured Patton’s art enough to use it as a profile pic.

“Aw shucks, kiddo, it’s nothing compared to yours!” Patton had laughed, ducking his head bashfully.

“Yeah but...it’s special ‘cause you made it,” Virgil’s cheeks flushed before mumbling under his breath, “Besidesmyartiskindashittyanyways.”

“What was that?”

“My art is kinda sh--crappy!”

“I will physically fight you if you don’t stop talking about you and your art!” Patton gasped, “Your art is just as--as wonderful, unique and superb as you are!” “No it isn’t.” Virgil groaned, hiding his face with his hands.

“Yes it is!”

“Not it isn’t.”

“Is.”

“Isn’t!”

Patton smiled slyly, “No it isn’t!”

“Yes it is!” Virgil yelled, before the realization dawned on his face.

“So, you doooo admit it.” Patton said as he attempted to keep himself from chuckling.

“You--you tricked me.” Virgil protested, before the two finally burst together into laughter.

That memory usually made him smile. Not today, with his heart hammering in his throat. He stared at the skype call notification, vision blurred with tears. God, he was sick of tears. It felt like in the past year alone, he’d cried enough tears to last a lifetime.

He knew he had to pick up. Time was running short. Hastily, he wiped away his tears and shut the fridge door with his phone-less hand. He took one long deep breath, then pressed accept.

At once the phone screen went blank. A small part of Patton hoped it stayed blank. Then a fuzzy pixelated image came to life--the familiar face of his best friend Virgil filled the screen. He was hunched up in his signature plaid hoodie. The purple bangs that covered half his face made it difficult to tell if he was making eye contact. Patton didn’t recognize his friend’s surroundings at all--meaning he wasn’t at his apartment. Perhaps he was at a friend’s house. The very thought of Patton distracting Virgil from his new friends made his stomach squirm.

Patton swallowed, “H-hey--”

The call immediately ended.

He stared at his phone’s home screen, eyebrows furrowed. Should he call back or…?

Anxious_EmoNightmare is calling…

His phone started buzzing again as Virgil’s profile pic popped up once more. This time Patton clicked on it within the first buzz. Virgil appeared again, fiddling with the sleeve zippers of his hoodie. Patton could hear him taking in slow, measured breaths.

“Uh, sorry.” Virgil said, breaking the palpable silence, “I got...anxious.”

“It’s okay, kiddo.” Patton mustered up a thin smile.

 Distantly, in his mind, he worried about what was the cause of Virgil’s anxiety. He knew Virgil was inherently an anxious person whose many fears were largely unfounded. Patton knew this and still loved him, anxiety and all. 

Patton’s words did everything but alleviate Virgil, who shrunk even further into himself.

“Look Pat, I’m just gonna come out and say it:  it was really shitty of me to ignore your texts for a whole week like that, I shouldn’t have done that--”

“It’s okay, kiddo!” Patton’s smile grew flimsier, unable to keep his voice from cracking, “I know you were probably busy with your friends and all.”

Virgil flinched as if Patton’s words slapped him in the face. He didn’t understand Virgil’s reaction, which alarmed him. Patton usually had a great read on Virgil. Or at least he did five months ago.

“Friends?” Virgil echoed.

“Yeah, friends,” Patton said,  “I, um, called your mom--”

“You called my mom? Why?” Virgil demanded.

“I was worried sick!” Patton cried out, a spark of rage he didn’t realize he possessed ignited, “You weren’t responding to my texts or my phone calls. It’s been a whole week-- and with the blizzard, I thought maybe you died!”

Tears rolled down his cheeks as Patton pressed on, “So I called your mom, because I had to know that you were at least okay. And she told me you decided to stay in Massachusetts and--and you were probably busy hanging out with friends. Which is fine! I’m fine! But at least text your best friend and tell them what the hell’s going on.”

Virgil stared at him, pupils dilated and mouth agape. In the stillness, all Patton could hear is Virgil heavily breathing into the mic. Any other time it broke Patton to see his best friend look so...devastated. Not this time. It felt almost triumphant to incite such a reaction in Virgil. 

Patton leaned against the refrigerator, heart clanging loudly inside his chest. He hated being angry. He didn’t like how it made him feel. There was just something savagely satisfying about lashing out in anger and it scared him how much he liked it. Patton was angry, yes. He was also frustrated, hurt, confused and a thousand other related synonyms. None of which justified lashing out at Virgil in that way.

“Look, Virge. I’m sorry--”

“No,” Virgil cut in, grimacing, “Don’t apologize, Pat. You have a right to be upset and I--I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I mean, you probably have better friends back in Florida…”

Virgil choked, unable to finish his own sentence. His voice had been relatively calm up until this moment. It’d been that faux calm, one that came from practicing words one hoped never to utter. If Patton knew anything about Virgil and his anxiety, that was most definitely the case.

“Virgil,” Patton inhaled, “I don’t have...any other friends.”

“What?” Virgil asked, looking up at him incredulously.

“Well, I do have friends!” Patton quickly amended, “Not just friends friends if you know what I mean. They’re more like acquaintances if I’m being honest. They’re work and school friends--so they tolerate me because they have to, not because they like me and really they think I’m too  annoying and childish--sorry! I’m rambling. I--I haven’t really kept in contact with anyone out of high school besides you. I know it’s pathetic, but you’re my only friend Virgil and I don’t want to lose you--please.”

Virgil blinked at him. Then he laughed, hard enough for tears to come out. High and lilting. Nothing like his usual quiet chuckles. Out of all the outcomes he imagined, Virgil laughing wasn’t one of them. Except it happened. Usually getting a laugh out of Virgil was the highlight of his day. He’d never imagined hearing it would cause his heart to break. He almost considered ending the call there, forgetting it even happened. 

The hurt in his face must’ve shown, because Virgil ceased laughing abruptly.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh, I just…” He pauses, fiddling with the ends of his hoodie strings, “Honest to God, you’re my only friend too.”

“What?” Patton croaks out, eyes bulging, “But your mother said--”

“Yeah, well, like a lot of things about my life she was wrong.” Virgil snapped, his ire obviously reserved for her and not Patton.

“Virgil, what...happened?” Patton asked, soft and hesitant.

He was beginning to think that he had the story all wrong. Maybe Virgil didn’t hate him. That he hadn’t change plans last minute without informing Patton or ignored him out of malice. He was still the Virgil Patton knew and loved. He had to be.

Virgil’s fingers tightened around his hoodie strings. His eyes were closed, and Patton could tell by his controlled breaths he was trying to quell his anxiety.

“It’s really stupid,” Virgil begins, “and most of it is my fault because I got anxious and then my one rational brain cell left the building. My mother--she--well, she--”

Virgil let out a huff, frustrated by his inability to speak. Why had he thought a Skype call would be a good idea versus simply texting? Screw it being a show of genuity--he had always been better at transcribing his thoughts in written words rather than spoken ones. He could form his thoughts into a semi-coherent message whereas real time didn’t leave much room for error.

“It’s alright, Virgil,” Patton spoke up, “take your time.”

He looked up at the screen, at Patton who smiled back at him. Not mockingly, but a real, authentic smile meant to reassure him. It was then he remembered why he treasured Patton’s friendship. In high school, people always overlooked Patton as a bubbly airhead. They overlooked his kindness, his refusal to let anyone feel excluded from things. He may not have ever received the top grades in academic subjects, but he possessed wisdom in spades.

Aided by Patton’s encouragement, Virgil continued. His words weren’t perfect. He stumbled and stuttered his way through an explanation. But Patton waited patiently until he regained control of them again. Virgil told him everything. 

He admitted to Patton what really happened in the phone conversation between him and his mother. How he accepted her words without a fight, like a coward. How he felt abandoned by his parents, out of sight out of mind. How he spiraled into an anxiety attack, believing he couldn’t tell Patton. Couldn’t let him down or expect Patton to help with his air fares. He thought Patton would forget about him, too busy with hanging out with his real friends to notice Virgil’s absence.

He told him about the broken heater. How he wallowed in his misery rather than figure out a short-term solution for his problem. Waddled up in blankets, lying on a couch. If it hadn’t been for his roommate Roman--well, he didn’t want to think about it. 

“He kidnapped you?” Patton asked, gasping.

It had been the first time Patton had said something. All up to this point, he remained attentively listening. Occasionally he nodded or hummed sympathetically to let Virgil know he was paying attention.

“Well, sort of,” Virgil grimaced, “The cold kinda got to me. He was worried I had hypothermia and got a bit panicked. He took me to his brother’s place and offered to let me stay here for the rest of the break. He, well, he encouraged me to talk to you. He’s...a pretty nice dude. Don’t you dare tell him I said that, or it’ll get to his head.”

“Got it.” Patton said, nodding sagely as if the chances of them ever interacting weren’t slim. His eyebrows furrowed, waiting for Virgil to lead the conversation in what direction he’d prefer. A terrible decision, really. Virgil knew the words he had to utter, words that could truly do nothing to fix the damage already done.

“Patton, I’m so sorry about everything,” Virgil blurted out. Quick. Like ripping off a band-aid. He shut his eyes tight, unable to see Patton’s reaction. Because if he couldn’t see it, maybe it’d hurt less when Patton denied his apology. Anxiety logic.

“Virgil...” Patton said softly, “of course I forgive you.” 

Immediately a colossus weight lifted up of Virgil at those words. But Patton wasn’t finished speaking, “Who I can’t forgive are your parents.”

“My parents?”

“Virgil, I only know a little from what you told me about them,” Patton hesitated, “but from what I know, you deserve better. They belittle you, refuse to acknowledge your own feelings and insist you only do things their way...that’s not love, Virgil. That’s not how family should act. After all, you can’t spell ‘FAM’ without I L Y.”

Virgil gaped up at Patton’s grainy image on the screen. This news shouldn’t be a huge surprise to him. He knew his parents did some questionable things when it came to parenting. But he had always thought it was his anxiety over-magnifying things. Making mountains out of molehills. 

To hear someone point it out and insist it wasn’t right and to have that person be Patton…well.

“You’re not mad at me?” Virgil blurted out, “But I ruined everything, if maybe I’d--”

“Virge, I was more worried than upset,” Patton interrupted firmly, “I was worried about losing our friendship, but more importantly I was worried if you were okay.”

“Oh,” Virgil said faintly, “Well you shouldn’t worry, ‘cause that’s my job.”

“I care about you, I’m going to worry whether you like it or not, mister.” 

“Well maybe I’m not worth worrying over.”

“How dare you!” Patton gasped dramatically, “I will physically fight you!”

“Pat, you’re not even here with me--”

“I will personally book a ticket to Massachusetts if I have too!”

“Wait you’d do that? For real?”

“Well, of course,” Patton said, “we’re best friends, aren’t we?”

Virgil stared at him. Patton’s tear-encrusted face alit with a soft glow. His lips pressed into a small smile, one that always been reserved for Virgil and him alone. He felt both foolish and grateful. Foolish for ever doubting Patton. Grateful for the fact that Patton refused to give up on him, even when Virgil himself believed he should.

“Yeah, of course,” Virgil agreed, a lump forming in his throat, “I, uh, value our friend-chip a lot.”

Patton’s resulting squeal almost broke Virgil’s eardrums. But that was okay, because he’d rather be deaf if it meant he was still friends with one Patton Hart.

[roombagreyjoy]

Prompt - "What the hell were you thinking? You could have been hurt." And someone from Ragnarok? (Preferably Laurits lmao) there's not enough content for this show tbh

Here you go! This took me way too long to edit (I wrote it in two or three hours, during a manic, sleepless spree at 4AM and it needed a lot of work to be decent enough to be posted)

I am still taking prompts. However, I lost the Prompt List this was taken from because according to Tumblr, it doesn’t exist in my blog anymore! Say hooray for a functioning website! But if you want to, you can still request stuff, freestyle this time! (probably for as long as quarantine lasts; I use these to warm up for my actual writing job, so they’re greatly appreciated)

Oh, and before I forget: IF YOU REPOST MY WORK WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD RIGHT OFF YOUR BODY thank you for understanding :)

-----

Prompt #1: (You can also read it on my AO3 page)

Concerned & upset: “What the hell were you thinking? You could have been hurt.”

Alternative Title: Magne does a Big Mad and it has Consequences. Laurits is just here to have a good time, to be honest.

Fandom: Ragnarök (Netflix 2020)

Pairings: None

Characters: Laurits Seier & Magne Seier, Ran Jutul (mentioned), Turid Seier (mentioned), Gry Isungset (mentioned), Fjor Jutul (mentioned), Vidar Jutul (mentioned)

Content Warnings: Some swearing, non-explicit violence, poorly executed pop culture references.

Length: 1550 words (even though AO3 says the contrary I swear it’s 1550 I deleted an entire sentence for it to fit perfectly don’t @ me I will stomp you to death with my hooves)

“What the hell were you thinking? You could have been hurt.”

The answer came just a second too late. His brother, as always, was lost deep in his own thoughts, oblivious to the outside world except for those occasions he deemed worthy of his attention. Laurits really, really could not understand this. Magne was opening his mouth to reply already, at a wearing speed if Laurits may say so himself, so he beat his brother to it, robbing him of a chance to explain himself.

“You really have changed since we came to Edda,” he said.

“I told you!” Magne protested. “I-”

“You’ve got stupider.”

“Hey!”

“Hey.”

Magne was silent again, but this time he replied in time to avoid one of his younger brother’s viper-like comments.

“… That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Laurits was being vicious with him today, for some reason. Unfairly so, thought Magne. “Isn’t it, truly, my brother dear?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Alright.”

“You’re being kind of a dick, you know.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t even hesitate to reply. Not once. Then again, he never did. Magne didn’t know what had got into him, but he knew that the blame was probably on his shoulders. At least from his brother’s perspective.

“Look… I tried explaining it to you, but if you’re going to keep on being an asshole about it and tell me that you don’t believe me… again…”

Laurits stared at him intently, waiting for him to finish the sentence for the first time since they sat down in their beautiful, precious, lavender blue living room. Kitchen? Lounge? The house was way too small to try and categorise every room in it. Not that there were many, anyway.

And it was godawfully horrible. The house, he meant. The floors creaked, the water pressure was practically non-existent, the wind came through the ancient wooden planks in the walls and the floor, through the carpet and the wallpaper, taking hold of him even when he curled up under the blankets, deep in his bones… the neighbourhood was pretty much a ghetto. And Magne still could not get along with his goddamn sentence. Laurits really needed a Valium at that point. Or a couple shots of vodka. And a cigarette.

“So?” He basically beseeched Magne to continue.

“So what?!”

“Well. Carry on.”

Wayward son.

This really wasn’t the time for that. Pay attention. Your brother’s talking. Or. Well. He’s trying to talk.

“You didn’t believe me the first time. And you don’t believe me now either.”

“Magne…”

“You said I couldn’t throw a hammer that far.”

“You wouldn’t survive being run over by a snowplough either. And yet. Here we are.”

“So, you believed that?”

“I never believe anything, Magne. Trust is for fools.”

“So?” This time was his older brother’s turn. Laurits found it funny for some reason. It probably wasn’t funny, but at that point he was on the brink of an anxiety attack, or a fit of laughing hysteria. Which may actually let loose some of the tension he’d been building up for the past few days, anyway, so that might be productive.

“See, this is why we’re different. You. You don’t look. You don’t pay attention. You don’t corroborate anything.” He said.

“And you do.”

“You bet your ass I do.”

“So what? That makes me an idiot?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. I’m not your uh… headmistress.” He smirked at the thought. The memory, more like. Oh, what a glorious day. And everyone was looking. He was nervous, but confident. The anxiety made him feel alive. He couldn’t perform without it. And performing, that he did. He was born for it. The theatrics, the drama of it all… a mischief well made, a perfect execution.

Oh. He was going to be grounded forever.

Oh. It was so worth it.

Although, on second thought, not being on the Jutul’s good graces might present a problem or two in the future. Perhaps he was the idiot.

That was a problem for future him, however.

And, besides, if what Magne had told him was even remotely true, the stunt he pulled in front of the ever-so-charming people from the town of Edda (more like village, ugh) and their lovely headmistress was the least of his concerns.

He didn’t know how much Magne knew. He didn’t know how much he knew himself. He knew some stuff, of course, but it didn’t seem to be enough. All he knew is that the Jutuls knew more than them. Probably more than them combined and multiplied twice. And that was a problem.

Vidar laying unconscious, or probably dead (because Magne was too much of a wuss to check… either that or he really was way more fucked up by the fight than he claimed he was) was also, if he may say so himself, the very definition of a problem.

He could fix it though. He was always fixing his brother’s fuck-ups. His mother’s. He always fixed everyone’s fuck-ups. Fair enough, he caused more problems than the solved. But that didn’t matter.

He was a kid, for crying out loud. Or was he? Had he always been a kid? Was he still? Can you be a kid if you’re stripped of your childhood, with a dead father, a constantly moving, constantly changing housing situation, a detached mother and a brother as thick as a brick? He understood why Magne was the way he was. Sometimes he wondered why he hadn’t ended up that way as well.

“Hm.” He hummed, seeing Magne was not likely to continue the conversation. “So. Thor.”

“Yes. Thor.”

“Yes Thor.”

“That’s… that’s what I said.”

“And Gry also knows.”

“And Gry also knows.”

“How much does she know?”

“As much as you. Maybe less… maybe more. Whatever Fjor has told her.”

A pinch in his stomach. That was going to be a problem.

All he seemed to be getting were problems.

“Because they left together.” Laurits said, recounting what Magne had told him.

“Yeah.”

A thought crossed Laurits’ mind like a lightning bolt. If you’ll excuse the pun. Something to take his mind off the fact that Gry was leaving with Fjor. He really should not be feeling this jealous. He coughed slightly. The thought was gone. Crisis averted. For now.

“And Saxa?” He asked.

“What about her?” Magne stared at him in confusion.

“She was there, singing. And then I gave my speech.”

“So, she couldn’t have seen anything.”

“Neither could Ran. But I’m more worried about Saxa. She’s vicious.”

“You don’t think Ran could be mad about me killing her husband?” Magne. Please. For the love of anything you hold sacred. Don’t yell things like that. These walls are paper thin, for crying out loud.

“What I think doesn’t matter because we don’t know anything. But, as you’ve asked, I think Ran is more rational than her. I don’t think she would do anything to compromise her position with the people in town.”

“She’s already compromised.”

“She’s a-ah.” Laurits let out a small, incredulous chuckle. “Of course she’s already compromised. What did you do, you sick son of a bitch?”

“I may or may not have left a couple of those toxic kegs in front of the police station.”

“I may or may not be surprised that you were actually right about that.”

“You’re not.”

“You’re right: I’m not. This town sucks. But I stand by what I said: you really need to quit the Isoldecologist act.”

Magne did not reply.

“Look. The kegs are irrelevant. Ran is not tied to Jutul industries the way Vidar is. Was. May still be.” Continued Laurits.

“But the rumour…”

“Fair point. But still, she may not be legally tied to them.”

“People talk…”

“Shit. Most people talk shit. But yes, as I said, you’ve got a point. She has to keep her reputation, after all…” That was an interesting turn of events.

“So, what do we do?”

“We? Why are you including me?”

“Well, I just told you all this. You’re not just going to sit there and do nothing, are you?” Magne frowned.

But he was right. Laurits was tired of doing nothing. He had done nothing long enough. That situation had changed a few hours ago, actually. And he suposed he could not stand idle for any longer.

“Fine. We will think of something once you get rid of those clothes, shower, and mum comes home and we pretend nothing has happened. You smell like a poorly cooked barbeque.”

Magne let out a big, deep sigh. “Okay.”

“… I’m still mad at you, you know.”

“What for?”

“Um. Electrocuting yourself, for starters.”

“That wasn’t me, that was-”

“Thor. Yeah, yeah. Whatever. What if you weren’t, though. What if you were wrong? You could’ve got hurt.”

“You already said that.”

“And you’ll hear it again!” He said, triumphantly raising his fist in the air. Magne, as usual, just stared at him. Laurits let out his breath, defeatedly. He really couldn’t do anything fun in this house, no one understood pop culture references.

“Look,” he said. “Just go shower. Mum will yell at you for a bit. We’ll have dinner. She’ll take her usual spot in front of the TV, sulk for a while, pass out, and then we can talk. I got to make a few calls.”

[kaepop-trash]

Diagnosis

Rated: Fluff

Pairing: SichengxReader

Summary: Your supervising doctor really disliked you.

(A/N): It’s Winwin’s world and we’re all just living in it. This is small and stupid but we sometimes need one of those.

“He's had two seizures in the span of four hours and he's sweating profusely. Muscles have lost control, probably due to nerve damage.” Sicheng pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he read from his notes, “There is–” He continued but a figure pushed him aside, he looked around for the disruption, looking down to spot a resident doctor he recognised. When she realised everyone was looking, she looked up, eyelids twitching with realisation.

“Oh I didn't mean to interrupt you, please continue.” She gave him a thumbs up for motivation and went back to looking at the patient's arm closely.

“There is a significant loss of body heat. I'm certain.” He looked up at the doctor with determination, pushing his glasses back again with a small smug grin, “It's epilep–” His eyes sparkled.

“Wrong.” The girl scrutinizing the body stood up, brushing her coat and turning to him, “Sorry for the second interruption, but it's not. Epilepsy.” She dug under her nail bed. As a rule residents weren't allowed to have nails, and she usually picked on that.

“What makes you so certain?” He asked with knitted brows.

“He's heaving because his gag muscles are contracted, his lips are blue. It's alcohol poisoning.” She clicked her pen and scribbled into her notepad.

“All of those can easily be signs of epilepsy.” Sicheng defended. She looked back at him wordlessly.

“Yes, but he's sweating profusely, and it smells of liquor, tequila I think. So I'm sure my diagnosis is correct.” She said professionally, “An IV drip and some activated carbon should do it I think.” The doctor seemed impressed.

“Yes, but you completely bypass the rules of determining a diagno–” He started.

“But I'm right am I not?” She looked at the professor who nodded and Sicheng gripped his jaw.

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.” He growled suddenly, she turned to him with wide eyes at the unexpected intensity. He turned his red face away, missing her amused smile.

It was that moment, she really could single out that one single moment as she ran across the ER at 4am in her pajamas and a half worn lab coat. She pushed the doors of the unit and rushed in, gazing around and catching a familiar figure, she scurried to his side.

“You asked for me?” It was the first time she spoke since waking up and her voice came like a croak, taking her a little by surprise.

“There's a patient who came in with chest pains. You're training to be a cardiac surgeon aren't you?” He looked at her momentarily before turning to the clipboard in hand and pretending to check.

“Yes, but I don't have a shift now.” She said hesitantly. He looked up, taking a second to asses her words and then look away.

“I wasn't aware of that.” He coughed uncomfortable, “Since you're here anyway, you should go ahead.” He encouraged and she nodded obediently but there was clear exasperation in her eyes. She turned to the sedated patient.

“I think it was a textbook heart attack, but you already knew that. You've given him Nitroglycerin.” She turned to him with sleepy eyes and raised a brow.

“How can you be sure?” He tilted his head and she scoffed.

“He'd be dead by now otherwise. I'll scrub in on the surgery since I'm up anyway, let's go.” She turned away from him, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her complain.

“He thinks you undermine him.” One of the residents said matter of factly as she ate her cereal. (Y/N) looked up at her with sleepy eyes and frowned.

“We’re just the same specialisation you know, he got his PhD last year. Now he's a doctor and I still have a year left of my residence. What part of me undermines him?” She sighed and rested her head of the table.

“Maybe he's just tired and pissed from his new job and he takes it out on you.” Someone else on the table offered and she frowned deeper.

“That's not fair.” She turned to him and he shrugged.

“It doesn't need to be, you answer to him now. Just bite your tongue and bear with it. This is your last year as a resident.” He gave helpful advice that she nodded to with understanding.

She didn't understand how things turned out like this. As she sat silently beside Sicheng and both of them quietly ate ramen. It had become a ritual now, both had their break at the same time and ended up at the convenience store across the hospital. It was better than eating alone, but by no means was the silence between them a comfortable one. Her very skin seemed on edge around him, but inevitably he would come sit beside her to finish his mediocre meal.

It was one such evenings that she was sitting at the window, more tired than usual. She had scrubbed in on a nine hour surgery. Sicheng sat in front of her, wordlessly as usual. But this time he wordlessly placed a cup of coffee in front of her. She only looked up with part confusion from tiredness and part from the new situation.

“You look tired.” He said, inspecting his noodles, before he turned to her.

“Plus, I have already added your name for a surgery scheduled in an hour. It’s a unique case, you might be interested.” She wasn’t aware that her scowl was bad enough to make him cough and look away.

“I just finished up with one.” She whispered with defeat, Sicheng hesitated.

“The transplant?” He asked and winced when she nodded, having heard of it’s duration. He bit his lip.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t aware.” He looked away, cheeks dusted pink.

“It’s okay.” She said insincerely as she toyed with her ramen.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I'm sorry?” Sicheng lifted his sleepy head with a squint.

“If we find a girl cute Sicheng, we don't bury them in work.” Taeil said knowingly and Sicheng only furrowed his brows harder.

“How do you know she doesn't appreciate it? I call her for the rare cases you know.” He mumbled as he scooped more porridge into his mouth. Taeil smiled in amusement, he didn't even deny it.

“I may not be an expert, but I'm going to put myself out there and say that there is a possibility that she might think you're picking on her.” Taeil sipped on his burned coffee with a slightly prideful expression, he was, at the very least, better than Sicheng when it came to things like this. In fact Taeil was excited to tell the others, Sicheng had a crush and he was on the way to getting some liquid thrown at him by her.

“I'm telling you, I know what I'm doing. She's good at diagnosis.” He leaned in a little and his voice dropped, “Better than Dr. Oh.” He whispered and Taeil's eyes went wide.

“Yeah. She gives a basic diagnosis after just looking. It's like watching tv or something.” Sicheng was wide eyed in wonder as he explained and his friend was interested.

She wasn't sure what happened in the past week, but it seemed like her pager buzzed every other minute.

“You called?” She rushed into the ICU room, raising her brow at the crowd of first year residents.

“I was wondering if you would help with this diagnosis.” Doctor Seo asked politely, like it wasn't the same question every time. She buried her disbelief and walked up to him, taking the chart in his hands.

“It's head trauma of some kind?” He asked placing his index finger on his lower lip and looking down at the chart in her hand, “She might be brain dead from a lack of oxygen supply to the brain.” He conjectured further. She turned to him and listened carefully, when he finished she leaned forward and checked her pupils.

“Her pupils are dilating fine, she's not brain dead.” Her face was heavy in scrutiny as she glanced at the person carefully, before reading the chart.

“It says here that she was feeling very thirsty before she collapsed. I think she might have untreated hyperglycemia, it's not outlandish for a lady in her age. I think a test should determine that easily.” She reminded herself to smile politely and bow, before making her way towards the door.

“I'm sorry Doctor Seo, but Doctor Kim asked for me urgently.” She bowed again and made her way out.

She truly felt at her wits end, it was frankly the last straw. She stood in front of the schedule put up and saw her name included in a surgery that was scheduled tonight. It was too bad that tomorrow was the Lunar New year and she had intended to go home for the weekend. Her head dropped as she walked through the halls.

“Ah, Dr. (Y/L/N). Dr. Kim informed that he wants you present at the surgery tonight. He usually doesn't take residents, you must be excited.” There seemed to be smug tone in his voice but she was too tired to care. Having been acknowledged by another person, she had no choice but to stop. Then, the moment she looked up to try to give a disingenuous reply but her head spun when she picked it up too fast. Her vision blurred for a second but she put a hand on the wall to straighten herself.

“I just have to check on a patient Doctor, then I'll be on my way.” Her voice seemed light and it took her a moment to realise that the wall she was holding onto was cloth and the person in front of her was Doctor Sicheng.

“Are you okay?” His voice was small but concerned, she thought she tried to smile.

“Perfect, thanks for asking. I have a surgery, maybe we should get ramen after.” She laughed, but her head seemed to heavy and kept trying to fall back.

“Right. (Y/N) I'm going to pick you up now, please try not to move.” His voice seemed to ring in her ears and she pouted with pity, it was probably the longest sentence he'd said to her.

The neon lights of the cafeteria made her squint her eyes as she sat with her legs propped up with hand on her temples and her elbow on her knee. Her tongue felt salty as she felt the pressure of the IV in her left arm, she quietly sipped on her lemonade as Sicheng watched her.

“You're dehydrated and your blood pressure was frightfully low. Something dangerous could have happened if I–” He paused eyes growing a little wide before he sat back, “If someone wasn't there. You should take better care of yourself.” His voice showed genuine concern but she looked up exasperated.

“I haven't slept more than 3 hours each day in the past month.” She mumbled, looking away.

“When is your next day off?” He asked and she turned back to him.

“Today. But I got scrubbed in.” She raised a knowing brow at him and he looked away.

“I'm sorry if I did anything to offend or undermine you. I was just doing my job, but you're being unfair to me.” She said a little softly and Sicheng seemed to turn back speechless.

“I'm sorry?” His voice was a little too quick and she winced.

“You think I give you work to prove my authority over you?” He asked, looking a little hurt and she was raised to silence. Said like that, she definitely heard how ridiculous it sounded. She turned to her left arm and winced.

“I think the flow is too rapid.” She lightly tugged on the Catheter and he put a swift hand on hers.

“You'll dislodge it, let me check.” He said without looking at her and she nodded.

She felt too awkward to apologise, but still wondered if at least part of her rationale was true.

“I thought you'd appreciate been given more responsibility. I suggested your name to Dr. Oh for residents to hire next year, but he said he'd never noticed you. I'm sorry, I realise I should have at least informed you. I thought I'd sweep you away.” He laughed awkwardly as he fumbled with the clamp, “I guess I also wanted to spend time with you.” When the pressure felt comfortable she lifted her other arm and tugged on the sleeve of his coat. He looked up with large lost eyes and hers seem to mirror his.

“Would you like to go for dinner with me? It's the New Year now, we didn't need to scrub in for the surgery.” He said a with a sudden rush of bravery, she could tell he was bracing himself when her face fell.

“I was hoping I'd take the night train home.” She smiled sheepishly, but a moment later his words rang in her head again and her cheeks turned pink.

“Did you just ask me out?” She looked up back at him again and he looked away.

“No.” He said too quickly, only when he looked back did he see her face fall.

“Oh.” She said a little insincerely.

“No, I mean yes. I am.” He groaned internally at his smooth ways, externally he gave her another smile.

“I've never met someone who knows as many symptoms as you. It's kind of hot.” He admitted and she took a moment of being wide eyed to adjust to his words before she laughed.

“You're trying to flirt with me!” She said like it only just occurred to her, he was a little hurt.

“Doctor D–” She smiled.

“Call me Sicheng. That's my name.” He mumbled again and she stuttered.

“Sicheng. I promise to go on dinner with you tonight if you find less exhausting ways for us to spend time together.” She smiled, before she thought over something.

“And if you drop me to the station in the morning.” She added quickly, he had a car.

Sicheng seemed almost excited at the idea, and he had to admit: so attracted to her as she confidently asked what he had failed to this entire year.

“Nothing would make me happier.” He assured her

[sweethails]

Prompt List #10 (Y-Z)

Send a request with the number(s) and which prompt list it’s from if you don’t give me the prompt list I will just assume its from #1. and also Give me the character you want!  

[Example request]: Can I please have number 2 from prompt list #7 and number 72 from prompt list #10 for peter parker where the reader finds out Pete’s spiderman

You can send in your own prompt(s) or just send in a request without one. these are here to use at your leisure (Most of these are not mine. Credit goes to those who made them.) I am add to this list occasionally so check back later for new ones. This is prompt #10 (Y-Z)

I do not take straight up smut requests even if some prompts sound slightly dirty. (I might change my mind who knows send me your smut request and i might decide to do it) There may be some repeat prompts but bare with me I’m trying to clean them up. Thanks enjoy!!!!!!

There are 336 prompts in this list

Y-You’re not human?"

Yeah, I got that from your 600 voicemails."

Yeah, okay, but i’m cooler."

Yeah, well, I shut everybody out. Don’t take it personally. It’s just easier."

Yeah, well, if you weren’t so drunk maybeIwould."

Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything."

Yes I have four trees. Don’t judge me."

Yes i’m out clubbing on new years. Please just pick me up!"

Yes."

You always bring me so much joy—as soon as you leave the room."

You always cared more about her than you ever did about me."

You always find a way to surprise me."

You are a bloody idiot, you know that?"

You are a very strange person.Well, thanks for noticing."

You are an idiot, you know that?"

You are not as bad as people say. You are much, much worse."

You are NOT having a pumpkin spice latte after what happened last year"

You are the definition of the Grinch."

You aren’t alone. You’ve never been alone."

You aren’t supposed to laugh! I’m embarrassed!"

You believe me, don’t you?"

You betrayed my trust."

You better behave"

You bought my hip hop monster?"

You broke it."

You came for me."

You can do this."

You can only suffer through my whining for so long until you get up and make me a sandwich."

You can spend the night, if you want."

You can wait another 24 hours to open presents."

You can’t always expect me to fix things for you."

You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!"

You can’t even look me in the eyes."

You can’t expect me to stay behind."

You can’t just lose your temper like this every time you get a bit upset!"

You can’t just sit there all day."

You can’t keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good."

You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!"

You can’t leave without letting me hug you first."

You can’t leave- not yet."

You can’t run from time."

You can’t save everyone."

You can’t say that. You’re dating my best friend!"

You changed."

You come to my room and wake me up at 4am, to cuddle?"

You could have warned me!"

You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions."

You deserve better."

You deserve so much better."

You did all of this for me?"

You did this on purpose."

You did this"

You did what with who for how many muffins?"

You did what you had to do."

You did what?!"

You didn’t call. You didn’t text. Nothing."

You didn’t do the dishes, I’m not doing you."

You didn’t get in trouble for lying. You got in trouble for lying badly."

YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THE KNIFE WAS REAL!"

You don’t believe in an afterlife?"

You don’t even know me."

You don’t get to tell me what to do."

You don’t have to act like you’re okay."

You don’t look like an angel."

You don’t need to know."

You don’t need to leave so soon."

You don’t need to worry about me."

You don’t remember last night at all, do you?"

You don’t seem like yourself tonight."

You don’t understand, you never do!"

You forgot to buy the presents?"

You got me a kitty?"

You got me a puppy?"

You grow on people, but so does cancer."

You guys are yelling and I want ice cream!"

You had a kid and decided to walk out. You don’t get to call the shots round here."

You have approximately 5 seconds to get out of my face before I kill you."

You have flour on you face."

You have my word."

You have no idea how much I want you right now."

You have no idea what you do to me."

You have no idea."

You have something in you hair.. um–do you want me to get it out?"

You have something in your hair, umm… Do you want me to get it out?"

You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts."

You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?"

You haven’t even seen my bad side yet."

You haven’t lost me."

You have… Superpowers?"

You know for a fucking fact that wasn’t supposed to happen."

You know I can’t say it, but surely you understand how I feel?"

You know I didn’t mean that."

You know I’d do anything for you."

You know I’ll kill him/her if he/she hurts you."

You know I’m/we’re always here for you, right?"

You know me better than that."

You know more than you’re telling me."

You know nothing about me.Oh, but I do. I know you want adventure, that’s why you’re here standing in front of me. You want to rebel like everyone else. You want mystery in your life, passion, romance… and maybe even a little danger."

You know what we’re doing is wrong."

You know, we have to be the only best friends that do this."

You know, you can stay if you want to."

You knowIcould never leave you alone on your favorite holiday."

You left your shirt at my house. It’s mine now."

You left. What did you expect me to do?"

You look amazing tonight."

You look awful."

You look beautiful in the moonlight."

You look cute when you’re cold."

You look cute when you’re on my lap."

You look great."

You look like hell."

You look like something I drew with my left/right hand."

You look like the manager for Hot Topic."

You look like you could use a hug."

You look like you need a hug"

You look really cute in that sweater."

You look so comfy, and cuddly."

You look so good like this."

You lost your chance."

You love me as if I deserve you."

You love me."

You lucky bastard."

You made me feel loved and wanted and for that, I’ll always love you."

You made me this way."

You made these cupcakes for me?"

You made your choice."

You make everyday worth living."

You make me feel alive."

You make me feel safe"

You make me feel so damn gushy."

You make me happy."

You make me so happy."

You make me so mad."

You make no sense to me.Welcome to my life."

You meant too much to me."

You might not like me, but you definitely want me."

You need sleep."

You need to control your temper."

You need to leave."

You need to see a doctor."

You need to stop running."

You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really."

You owe me a kiss."

You owe me big time!"

You owe me."

You own my heart."

You play by my rules, got it?"

You promised me a cookie!"

You promised you wouldn’t fall asleep."

You really like him, don’t you?"

You ruined everything.

You said my name in your sleep."

You said you’d always be there for me… so how did this happened? Why weren’t you there?"

You said you’d be there."

You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing."

You say this is what you want but your eyes ares telling me a different story."

You say you’ll stop, but then you keep doing it!"

You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?"

You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"

You should be nice to me, I just saved your life!"

You should close the door."

You should leave."

You should marry me."

You should see me in my old uniform. I’m pretty sure it still fits."

You should stay hydrated.What?You should-I heard you…"

You shouldn’t do that."

You shouldn’t have gone by yourself."

You should’ve said that yesterday."

You shut your mouth."

You smell like a wet dog."

You smell nice."

You still wear my hoodie?"

You successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality."

You think drawing a moustache on their picture will make the situation better?"

You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?"

You think that this is easy for me?"

You think this will make me stay?"

You think you can handle it?"

You thought this was real?"

You throw punches, I throw insults."

You told me that you didn’t love me anymore so I did what anybody else would."

You wanna know what sex position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother."

You wanted me to walk in on you."

You were always gold to me."

You were my everything."

You were ready to leave me for her."

You were sick 5 minutes ago.But I’m not sick now."

You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!"

You work for me. You are my slave."

You, my friend, are a complete and utter tosser."

Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth."

Your clothes are warm and it’s freezing."

Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news! They found your head."

Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a prick."

Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same times?"

Your hair is so soft.."

Your hair still looks so good."

Your hands are just as dirty."

Your laugh does not sound like an ugly witch cackle now will you please open the door"

Your laugh is so adorable."

Your life was my life’s best part."

Your lips are really warm."

Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day."

Your mom texted to tell me you’re pathetic."

Your mom told me your favourite type of pizza but pineapples don’t belong on pizza so I got pepperoni."

Your parents are coming."

Your turn to do the dishes."

You’d be a great dad."

You’d be a great mom."

You’ll be fine."

You’ll never be the man your mother is/was."

You’re a disappointment."

You’re a filthy squid."

You’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people."

You’re a monster."

You’re a nerd."

You’re a terrible liar."

You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

You’re acting like this is your first threesome."

You’re always on my mind."

You’re an asshole"

You’re an asshole."

You’re as red as Rudolph!"

You’re beautiful, you know that?"

You’re being dramatic."

You’re bleeding all over my carpet."

You’re blushing"

You’re breathtaking"

You’re crazy! You’re out of your mind!"

You’re cute when you’re angry."

You’re cute when you’re freezing."

You’re cute when you’re mad."

You’re everything to me."

You’re family."

You’re getting a vasectomy. That’s final."

You’re getting crumbs all over my bed"

You’re getting crumbs all over my bed."

You’re getting on my nerves."

You’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers and people who talk at the theater."

You’re going to get us expelled!"

You’re going to get us in trouble!"

You’re going to get us kicked out!"

You’re good. A monster pain in the ass… but you’re good."

You’re here late."

You’re hiding under that blanket because you’re blushing?"

You’re hiding under the blanket because you’re blushing?"

You’re holding back."

You’re hot, shame about the personality."

You’re in danger."

You’re in trouble now."

You’re insane, but you might also be brilliant."

You’re jealous, aren’t you?I’m not jealous."

You’re just a little baby."

You’re just a memory now."

You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me."

You’re just leaving me here? At least have to decency to finish me off with a stick."

You’re just leaving me here?"

You’re just naturally dumb."

You’re just not the same anymore.."

You’re kinda anti-social, you know that?"

You’re like a heater!"

You’re lucky you’re cute"

You’re lying!"

You’re lying."

You’re lying.""

You’re making me blush!"

You’re married!!"

You’re mine. I don’t share"

You’re more than that."

You’re my nerd."

You’re my soulmate?!"

You’re never seeing either of us again."

You’re not a bad problem, you’re a good problem. Not a problem, problem."

You’re not alone and you never will be as long as you have me, got it?"

You’re not alone, I’m right here."

You’re not alone."

You’re not always right you know!

You’re not crazy."

You’re not funny."

You’re not giving me much of a choice."

You’re not going anywhere."

You’re not going to starve yourself on Thanksgiving."

You’re not helping."

You’re not interested, are you?"

You’re not making any sense."

You’re not making this any easier."

You’re not scared of the dark are you?"

You��re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking."

You’re not very intimidating."

You’re one hell of a girl."

You’re one hell of a guy."

You’re questioning my methods.I’m not questioning it, I’m saying it’s stupid."

You’re really drunk right now. I don’t think you’re gonna remember any of this.No, I’m not drunk at all. You’re just blurry."

You’re rich and waste your money on that nasty shit."

You’re ruining my life."

You’re safe now."

You’re Satan."

You’re seriously like a man-child."

You’re so adorable."

You’re so beautiful."

You’re so casual about this, is it because you’re use to killing people?"

You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this.."

You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad"

You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad."

You’re so weird.You have no idea."

You’re so wrong."

You’re special to me."

You’re still giving me the silent treatment?"

You’re such a nerd."

You’re teasing me again…"

You’re telling me all this time you could have used magic!"

You’re telling me one thing but the press is telling me something completely different."

You’re the best!"

You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen."

You’re the one thing keeping me sane right now."

You’re the only one I wanna wake up next to."

You’re the only one I want"

You’re the only person I wanted to be with tonight."

You’re the perfect combination of sexy and cute."

You’re the perfect height for me to rest my chin on your head."

You’re useless with wrapping presents!"

You’re worth every second of my time."

You’re worth it."

You’re wrong and I’ll prove it."

You’ve always felt like home."

You’ve always got me."

You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?"

You’ve been quiet."

You’ve changed."

You’ve got enough to worry about."

You’ve got me on your side."

You’ve ruined me"

You’ve said you’re going to leave, but I don’t want you to go and if I don’t say something now…“

You’ve shown me what love can feel like."

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe."

Zombies have feelings too!"

  Other Prompts Here Masterlist Here Request Here

[norgad-vcd]

COPY: First Revision

Introduction.

What goes on, online?

Anything and everything. It’s a beautiful and vibrant mess of human interaction. Everything from trivial and thoughtless acts to the most sincere and genuine deeds. It’s grounds for the vicious and the virtuous alike. The internet is what you make of it; A tool as good or bad as it’s wielders.

What this book is

It’d take a thousand lifetimes to see it all.

How about a quick glimpse instead?

Hiya, I’m Tom! I’ve spent enough of my life online that I can confer some of my findings to you. This book is a smörgåsbord of experiences, phenomena, and memories I’ve been witness to and participant in during my time here. While not a full picture, it should help you navigate the ballpark of possibilities out there. My experiences are just one sample from billions; perhaps after this you’ll seek to venture out further into that world-wide web, or - at the very least - understand a little better those who do.

Heads-up

Listen a moment, before you go.

I am only one person. My field of view is limited, as is my foresight. Take my advice with a grain of salt, I can’t prepare you for everything. There’s so much more out there waiting for you, some good, some bad; be sensible.

Who am I, online?

Personas and the separation of meatspace and cyberspace.

Online, your real-life identity isn’t attached to you by default. Of course there’s places where the expectation is indeed a connection to real identities - like Facebook for example - but this is not a requirement. I’m not known as ‘Tom’ online, people know me by my username, and t.

It’s not a fake me, or a way to lie to people, it’s just an alternate expression of myself. We act differently to different people in so many social situations, - from time with family, to at work, and to hanging out with friends - the internet allows even more possible ways to express parts of ourselves. For me, it’s liberating to exist in a state that’s disconnected from the tangle of my real life self, and to keep the tangle of my internet presence away from real life as well.

Equal ground, just another user.

On the internet, nobody knows who you are.

Unless you divulge them, your identity, physical appearance, background, nationality, gender, race and so on are completely unknown; this is the great equalizer. Free from biases based on your physical self, you can be perceived as purely another person.

Still a person, despite appearances.

A clean slate can tempt some however to act recklessly. If an identity and stigma can be shed so easily, some people feel emboldened to act without the threat of consequences; verbally beat someone up, and then wash your hands of the whole incident.

It’s important to remember that people online are still people; while their faces might be obscured, they still have thoughts and feelings.

In general, talking to people online has the same potential as real-life to be great, awful, or somewhere inbetween. It’s just luck of the draw who you’ll encounter.

Who else?

I’m hanging out with my friends.

“Go outside and spend time with your friends!”

What a classic line. Truth is I’m already spending time with my friends, just on the computer. It can be hard to organise in person meetups sometimes, and meeting up online can be much more spontaneous. All it takes is noticing someone else is online and flicking them a message, Boom, instant hangout, and before you know it you’ve got all the boys bantering away.

Over the first lockdown in 2020 me and most of my real-life friends started a minecraft server together and played through it for the duration of our stint stuck at home. It was like a little clubhouse, each time we logged in and saw things change slightly since last time. We left each other notes and set up gifts and pranks for when people left and returned. It was a great way to keep in touch when we were otherwise very isolated from social contact.

Guest speaker, Josh

[Josh text]

In general, hanging out online is pretty great. It might not be perfect, and sure we could get a little more sunlight, but for what it’s worth it’s good for the soul and sometimes the best thing on hand. Friendships don’t care about how you nourish them, just that you do.

[WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?]

I don’t know the names of some of my closest friends.

What about friendships that never were from real life, rather that grew from the internet.

I don’t know the names of some of my closest friends.

That doesn’t mean I don’t care about them; it’s just we all know each other by our usernames and whatever funny profile picture we’re rocking at the time. I still know their personalities, their sense of humor, what they like and don’t, and everything else you’d know about a friend. We still have inside jokes, favourite group pastimes, and all the rest.

This has caused some strange moments though. When I was younger and my parents would ask who I’m talking to on the computer, I wouldn’t know how to respond. Do I tell them “I don’t know” and spark images in their heads of catfishers and criminals? Do I tell them my friend’s username and get told “that’s not a real name”? There really wasn’t any good solution in my head at the time, so I’d just say “someone from school” and pray the topic of the conversation would change as fast as possible.

A couple of times an internet friend has accidentally let their real name slip in a conversation, and that instantly got met with waves of banter about how “you’re not an Alex” or whatever the name was. We’d quickly forget about it though, we still see each other as the identities we met each other with; someone’s real-life name doesn’t change how we see them. In that sense, I suppose usernames are like a self-determination thing; you get to pick a name for yourself, based on who you see yourself as.

Timeless zones.

Because everyone lives in different time-zones, it can often be difficult to pre-plan hangouts. Oftentimes me and my friends have planned to have a movie night at a specific time, and then once that time rolls around, one or two people are still offline, probably asleep. Oftentimes whoever was missing will come online several hours later and be sorry and upset that they held everyone up and wasted everyone’s time. Of course, we had all just postponed the movie night and just hung out and chatted instead.

Perfect is the enemy of good. Oftentimes we have to accept that it’s near impossible to have everyone hang out at the same time; it’d require half of us to be up at god awful times or to wake up at 4am for something. Instead of trying to plan big ‘everyone’ events every once in a blue moon, we try to have frequent but smaller hangouts. It might mean that we don’t get to see everyone at the same time, but it’s still workable. If we were to hold out till everyone was free at the same time, we’d never end up hanging out at all.

My version of the morning paper is skimming what my mates have been talking about in the group chat. Most of the time it’s pretty coherent and I can tell what was going on, but sometimes it dissolves into a mess of completely unrelated images and text that doesn’t read like a conversation at all. Using my expert detective skills I have deduced that our two culprits were actually talking in a voice chat, and were just using the text chat to show each other stupid pictures of dogs.

That time my friend went missing.

A while ago, someone in one of my friend groups noted that someone hadn’t been online for two weeks. Dread set in. We all knew that our friend was very prone to getting ill, and we didn’t want to say it but we were worried she might have died. Since we don’t know each other in ‘real life’ it was entirely possible that someone could drop dead one day and we’d never get any confirmation; just left wondering what happened. We asked around in common friend circles, and nobody had heard from her, coming up on about three weeks at that point. We had to do something.

Multiple friend circles of people from all around the world, scrambling to find any scrap of information about our lost friend. One person had ‘maybe’ an address that they sent something to once, but it might have been an old house. We found about three different possible legal names, and had no way to be sure which was right. We ended up sending a letter addressed to three different names ‘or the family of’. It was a desperate shot in the dark, but we were worried sick.

It turned out she was alright, but she had been stuck in hospital for a while and didn’t have access to a phone. We all had a laugh over how everyone overreacted, but it really did scare me. I’ve learned to really value the time I get to spend with my online friends; next time might not be so lucky, and if something were to happen it’s hard to ever get closure on it.

Wider World.

Community

One thing the internet’s really helped with is connecting like-minded individuals. Before the internet, if you had a niche hobby, you were probably the only person you know in your town with that hobby. Kinda lame, yeah? Nowadays, you can reach across the globe and connect with everyone who’s into the same stuff as you! Mainstream topics can have gargantuan communities, but what I find even more interesting is the weird obscure hobbies and groups, the kind that would never survive without the internet.

My personal favourite is the community around the video game ‘Space Station 13’; it’s a simulation roleplay game that’s been kicking around for about 18 years at this point, kept alive by a cult following of obsessed players. The programming sucks, and the controls are horrifically obtuse, but it’s got a charm that I can’t deny. It’s not for everyone, and I think that’s great. It’s not for everyone, but thanks to the internet enough people can still get together that they can enjoy it.

Someone sends me a funny picture. There’s three layers of delight. The first - of course - is that the picture is funny. Beyond that, there’s also the impulsive knowledge that I know who else I could send it to that might like it; it’s a chain letter that for once isn’t a scam. And the third layer is knowing that whoever sent the picture to me first got it sent to them and thought “Hey, I know who might like this”!

Random people

Strange patterns can emerge after lurking and watching from the sidelines.

In the rules discussion channel of a board game group I’m in, I swear sometimes it’s like I’m stuck in a time loop. I watch a random person ask a common question about the game, and then someone else will get the rules clarified for them. A few hours will pass, the conversation drifting elsewhere as people drop in and out. Suddenly, I spot it; the same question from before, but from a different person. Like clockwork, another nameless devout will rise up and deliver the answer. And again. And again. It’s like a two-line stage show where the audience is also the cast, over and over and over.

Since profile pictures and usernames are self-selected you do get a weird little keyhole view of who you’re talking to might be like. This person has a picture of a cat as their profile image. Is it their cat, or did they just think the cat looked nice? Their username is ‘Millie’, is that their real life name; maybe? Or what if it’s the cat’s name? Are they pretending to be their cat? Are they a cat?

Getting popular, online presence & all eyes on you

Having a large presence online - that is, having other people follow or be ‘fans’ of you - is a mixed bag. For me it’s been really good in allowing me to get my art out there and get clients, but it’s also weird. It feels a bit like I’m up on a stage sometimes, everyone’s watching me. I’ve lost the feeling of being ‘just another guy in the crowd’. What if someone reads something I posted the wrong way? Do I keep being aloof and carefree, or will that hurt my image. Should I care?

Getting weird; parasocial relationships, doxxing, and personal armies.

People with large presences can feel familiar, friendly, like you’re already friends.

I’ve caught myself falling into this in the past. Parasocial relationships. There was an artist I really admired the style of. The brain’s great at filling in the details you want to be real. I realised that I had it written in my head that this person was super cool and the best and that it’d be really cool if we hung out. All extrapolation. While it’s entirely possible that they were everything I had imagined them to be, until it’s tested it’s all just imagination and fantasy. If you’ve never talked to them, how could you know?

Guest speaker, Chai

[Chai text]

Connecting with meatspace

Back down to earth. What happens when the digital and the physical self have to intersect? The two identities are from the same person, but they’re not the same.

My family found my twitter.

One time, my parents sent me a text: “Lucy showed us your art, looking really cool Tom!”. How. I’d never sent my family any of my online profiles. I check my Twitter; sure enough in front of my eyes the screen tells me my sister has followed my twitter account. Abject horror. How much did they look at? What did they think? Should I start looking for a flat?

It’s not that I had anything to hide, it’s just that it felt… misaligned. Like two worlds coming together that shouldn’t. I’m sure for them it was just “Wow, look at our son go!”, but for me it was a wave of confusion and dread.

Visiting internet friends. (They weren’t murderers.)

One time, I was lucky enough to have a few of my internet friends visit in real life. I was showing them around my house, when I ran into my mum. It hit me. Who do I even introduce these people as? We all know each other by our online names and had been using them in conversation minutes earlier, but that would make no sense to my poor mum. And so, awkwardly, one by one my friends rattled off a set of names entirely alien to me. We all kept straight faces as each of us discovered “Wait, this person’s called WHAT?”.

We all promptly forgot each other’s names within about two minutes.

LDRs

Thanks to the internet, I met my partner.

Almost four years later, we’re still going strong. It helps a lot that a lot of our common interests can be done online, chiefly gaming and watching shows. But even the other stuff, we can still do together in some aspects. We always say good morning and goodnight to each other on the phone, and fill each other in on what we’ve been up to that day. If we go somewhere and see something cool, we can still share pictures and videos. If I make a really nice dinner, I can send them the recipe and they can have a taste (though that last one might depend on their cooking skills).

Of course, it’s not identical to an in-person relationship, and it can be more stressful. You have to put a lot more effort into reaching out to each other and making time to hang out and talk; it won’t happen by accident. We’re both really looking forward to being able to move together, but until then, being together apart isn’t all that bad.

Signing off.

[datingadviceonreddit]

EASIER SAID THAN DONE. Ugh, I feel like shit. I feel like I cried out my eyes enough to finally go back to my stone cold don't care persona but it's not the case at all. My heart hurts. It's been years since I really liked someone & it's pretty rare for me to since for the most part I am an emotionally detached person. I'm still outgoing, friendly & shit but as a defense mechanism I suppress negative feelings or block any type of attachment. The rare time I do it's with someone that doesn't want the same as me SMH.TL DR (why are these put at the end? It makes more sense to put it on the top lol): Say fuck it & communicate what's on your mind if it concerns you. Even if you're too scared you'll scare them off, just communicate. Learn how to let go & not care if they'll stop talking to you, end it, etc. You'll save yourself a whole lot of pain from caught feelings, doubt & confusion in the long run. I know this is sounds like common sense but sometimes we put ourselves in denial or are too scared to. I just want to remind people, sometimes we just need that constant reminder/support/encouragement/affirmation. Shout out to Pm_Me_Your_Fave_Joke for his very useful advice. Read their post, it's good.​​Warning: this is going to be a long post.I only told one of my friends about what's going on. Not too much into detail since it's hard for me to be vulnerable. Which is exactly the reason I'm typing this post & getting too much into detail but trying not to at the same time since dude told me he installed Reddit recently. I doubt he would follow this subreddit & he doesn't go on his phone that much so I'm kinda sure I'm in the clear lol.I found writing/typing is a good outlet for me since it gives me time to reflect on situations, how I could've improved, what I could've done better, etc. It's been years since I wrote in a journal due to a breach of trust with an ex. I'll start writing in a journal again so I can put literally every detail (for the most part I got hella good memory, it's curse & not at the same time) & reflect on it. Useful ones I might post here but heads up my grammar sucks & I suck at writing.​I have this friend that I developed feelings for but never expressed them because he told me wanted casual dating. I was in denial thinking maybe over time he'll change his mind & want a serious relationship. In his defense I developed a crush on him before he told me he wanted casual dating. When we hung out the first time I thought we did as friends, as we were talking I developed a crush on him. I would like to emphasized cuz I feel it's important & makes a big difference; not a crush on looks (he's not even my type but physical attraction did come afterwards), a crush on his personality, opinions, demeanor, etc. I didn't & wasn't planning on telling him at all, at the end of us hanging out he kissed me & I fucking fell head over heels. ANYWAYS, we continued to date/talk. His texting sucks, mine does too but since I started liking him I prioritized his messages. We started dating during the holiday season so it was hard to see each other a lot. We have great chemistry, our personalities are almost the same. It's so easy to talk to him, there's never an awkward silence, we can talk about anything.He's a very affectionate person & I'm only affectionate with people I like so there was that imbalance that was really fucking with my head. I spent the months in silence trying to pull back my emotions/feelings while trying to figure out if he even likes me. His phone communication is spotty so it was fucking with me too. Add sex, cuddling & holding hands & you got a cocktail of confusion, doubt & total bliss. When I brought up the communication to his attention he agreed (he's been told in the past & it added to his past break ups) & we started talking on the phone more but it still wasn't consistent or enough. I was in a 6 year relationship, we had a kid together & lived together but a little before or after the first year my feelings went away. I stayed due to our son, family pressure (both sides) & financial reasons. The point I'm getting at is that I'm needy. I'm used to having that companionship & constant communication even though I had no feelings (I told him I loved him when I didn't. It's a long story. I was a shitty manipulative person in that relationship). It's not right for me to expect the same from him or anyone unless if we're living together. I need to get used to not having that constant communication & company.A few weeks ago his life started getting more hectic so he wasn't responding or go days without communication. We had four opportunities to see each other that didn't pan out. One was intentional on my part cuz I'm stupid & followed advice from online articles (not Reddit). What's sad is that after I intentionally didn't go, later that night I caved in & asked if he was still available. He said no so I quickly ended that conversation to avoid any further embarrassment, god I disappoint myself sometimes 😖 2/3 of the other times it's up in the air, he says shit but who knows.The past few weeks I've been really caught in my feelings. I've been smoking an unhealthy amount of cigarettes & drinking too much. It's been close to everyday drinking. I fucking drank from 10:30AM on Friday to 2AM Saturday & practically smoked a whole pack, #notGoals. I was really shocked I didn't wake up with a hangover for school the following morning considering I went to sleep at 4AM to wake up at 8.A few days ago I couldn't take it anymore & called him to discuss it. Fuuuuck it was so nerve racking, it is so hard for me to talk about my issues. Luckily he's very good at verbal communication & is sensitive so it helped me a lot with attempting. Even after we talked it out I still don't know if he fully understood everything I was telling him. There was a few times where he kept misinterpreting what I was telling him or he was missing my point. This is why I like doing these things in person instead of over the phone. I feel like with over the phone shit could be misinterpreted, getting distracted, body language & facial expressions missed & I feel like the brain kinda isn't fully paying attention since the other person isn't directly in front of you. I don't want to talk it out again so fuck it, I'll deal with it & I kinda already forgot what parts really confused me (exactly my point).After stumbling over my words for what felt like an eternity, I practically blurted out hella fast something along the lines of 'I really like you a lot as a friend and more but it doesn't seem like you're interested do you want to back peddle into being friends?". I told him that his lack of communication & us not seeing each other for a while was bothering me but since we're not in a relationship & only dating I didn't know how to approach that. This is where I felt like he wasn't understanding what I was getting at. I kept asking him how he feels about me but he kept referring to liking me as a person & personality wise. On top of that, the way he was wording it or the way I was receiving it, I felt like he viewed us as friends while I thought we were dating... But it's like I'm pretty positive we were dating?! I don't date but I have an idea of what it is based off what friends tell me. Plus, he was the one that mentioned casual dating in the first place!! I wanted to know if he ever liked me more than a friend. One time when we were hanging out at his place talking, he was cleaning dishes & I was chillin on his couch, out of nowhere, not even close to what we were even talking about, he literally said "you know I really like you a lot right?" I was literally stuck like a deer in headlights & said "oh, I wasn't sure if you did or not" *double face palm* Anyways, we were on the phone so I can't hear crystal clear but I heard him say 'commit to the relationship' but he can't cuz of all the shit that's going on in his life & he doesn't know how long it'll take. Idk why I didn't ask for clarification, this is one of my issues is that I don't speak up. Idk if he said he doesn't want to commit or if he does want to commit. At the same time he said no so IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER (WTF BRAIN!).He explained that his work & shit that happened within the last year's been holding him up & he's hella busy cuz of it. He also felt the need to tell me what he's been up to for the past few weeks we haven't seen each other. Not to get into details but what he told me makes sense based off our previous hang out & our talks. He even told me about his female friend that stayed with him for a few days & how she's a 'gold star' in the lesbian world. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (liiiike okaaay..?) Last/2 week(s) ago we were on the phone & he mentioned her sleeping over at his for a couple of days. When he told me I didn't push it, question or get upset. It's normal for people to have straight friends of the opposite gender & not have sex (even if they were to sleep in the same bed). After we were done with that, we caught up, talked about bs. At the end of the call he asked if I got all the answers I wanted. I guess I did...?!? I mean yes, he did answer my questions but for whatever reason I still feel confused. Idk maybe it's just my feelings clouding my brain, it'll go away over time. Not part of phone convo: After everything, it's like yeah I understand his reasonings but it's like I don't care, I can help, I can try to help him manager his time better, help him grow. I want to help him, I like him. Wasn't meant to be. *sigh*We agreed to just be friends & 'continue to see each other'. He was the one that asked if we'll still continue to see each other, I automatically assumed yes in my head since that's what friends do? It's not like we're 'Facebook friends', I would assume we would hang out occasionally since we're only like 30 miles away from each other (we live in a metro area) & I already go to his city once a week for career stuff. For him, idk if he meant as FWD or as friends only. I'm constantly not voicing my thoughts. I seriously need to get my shit together. I'll find out if/when we hang out again.​So yeah, this is where I'm at. Fellow Redditors, do yourself a favor & learn from me. Voice your concerns. It sucks to put yourself in denial, constantly doubting yourself, constantly confused trying to read in between the lines, hold it in & be let down (lack of a better phrase). It is not his fault at all. I need to be better with communication & learn how to voice my thoughts even though I know it probably won't be in my favor. The beat goes on. It really fucking hurts right now but it'll get better with time. Smile now cry later type of shit. (if you got it, I fucking love you)I'm not sure whether or not I'll continue to date. I haven't dated for 1 1/2 years due to not being interested & working on myself. This happened on accident, I originally thought we were just going to be friends. I have exchanged numbers with most guys that approached me in person for the past few weeks. I thought talking to other guys would take my mind off dude but it wasn't the case at all. If anything it got me even more irritated since these men text back so much faster than him & myself. None of them interest me so meh. Idk if I want to get on a dating app, I refuse to use apps. I don't even have any type of social media other than Reddit, which kinda doesn't count since most of us are anonymous.Current mood: "In the rain" by The Dramatics (love me some oldies aaaand it's Sunday!). It's been raining here lately & it kinda sucks it hasn't rained yet today.If you made it this far you deserve a cookie. I'm using the post as an outlet since it's hard for communicate my feelings irl.Yall have a good Sunday & good luck with dating! Bieeee! via /r/dating_advice

[droppingthebasssince1997]

Even though its January 14th and new years was 14 days ago i just feel the need to talk about some stuff thats happened. Im not the kind of person to talk about things that happened. I’d rather keep it in and figure it out myself cause i guess I'm just used to it and also its so hard for me to voice out my emotions at some times. I just can never put it into words. 2017 was honestly the hardest year of my life and i know there are people out there who have it way worse but it was pretty shitty. So many things happened. I fell in love with an abusive, angry, self indulged coke head who made me hate myself and made me feel like everything i did in life was stupid. I stopped believing in myself, slacked hella in school, skipped school to basically be his fucking maid. all i did was clean, cook, sleep, drink and repeat this entire cycle. and if he was having a rough day well that just meant that id get yelled at for the tiniest things even if it means us arguing over who could get a can of pop. I guess thats when i stopped caring about everything, my mental health and physical health, my relationship with my family and friends (the 2 friends that i had lol) and my education. I was so lost and confused that I had pretty much given up on everything. I stopped trying to be positive or doing everything with a smile like i usually do. Long story short I had a little slip on june 9th. that was the day when i decided to end everything. fortunately enough i got stopped and long story short i got slapped with a record for trying to call out for help. Instead of saying its okay for wanting everything to stop in life for once, the first thing the psychiatrist told me at 12pm (after being taken in at 4am and being kept there) was that i was slapped with a criminal record. After he said that i guess i just shut down as usual. why the fuck would you consider someone a criminal for trying to kill themselves. Till this day i can't put the pieces together or come up with an idea of why they would do so. yes i had empty blow bags in my wallet and maybe its because i was drinking that night but still it made no sense in my head. It made me feel unimportant and unworthy despite everything that i had just went through. I didn’t talk to anyone for 3 days and funny story even tho i was told to stay away from alcohol my ex and his fam still got drunk and drank around me the entire night. the same night i got out of the hospital. I spent the first night alone because well everyone was partying and I didn't have any good friends to talk to. I lost kalli because i was dating a jerk and i lost kayla well basically because she had a busy life. long story short my parents found out i was lying about doing summer school and i went back to live with them beginning july. i really broke their hearts and my dad didn't talk to me or even look at me for 2 weeks. My dad is a sweetheart and in my 20 years on this planet he has raised his voice at me once and he apologized 30 minutes after. I really hurt them and I guess i waS still to dumb to see how i was still hurting them. i was still with josh the entire summer and i would come home hammered and coked out at 3 in the morning way past my curfew and fight with my parents. it got so bad once to the point where my dad and i got almost got into a physical fight. I was trying to leave the house and he grabbed all my stuff and chucked it. It was a horrible night. that was also the night i came clean to my mom about everything except coke because i don't think i could ever come clean about it. long story short i decided education was what i wanted to do for the rest of my life esp after having a great time during the summer being a summer camp leader. So i went back to kelowna to start year 2 well kinda. I was on probation cause i fucked year 1 up hard. i was still with that jerk but my good friends that i lived with made me realize what he was doing to me. he had me shoved up against car doors and walls while being right up in my face yelling at me. or getting made and pushing me because i accidentally lost cocaine. well i finally got the courage to break up with him for good. It was probably the hardest thing i have ever done. I never thought i could break up with him or get out of that abusive relationship. and sometimes it still hits me that I'm done with his bullshit for good and I'm okay. Im safe and I'm never going back there and he can never ever hurt me again. I guess I'm just scared and so fucking angry at myself for not seeing everything and the larger picture. I called myself a feminist for the longest time and would be like “how can girls stay in abusive relationships?” and now i know how. Being manipulated and controlled is a real thing. You are completely blinded by everything. your sense of power and identity get ripped away from you and your abuser becomes the only thing you have and find comfort in. Its weird and some people might not understand it. But i sure do and i finally realized all the things he had done to me. mentally and emotionally. anyways this is where 2017 got better for me. I started talking to my old friend edwin again. Josh made me ghost him when we got together. we talked everyday. it was like nothing had changed and within 2 days of talking to him i basically told him everything that happened in a year and 7 months. it was a lot tbh and i never actually noticed haha. but he stuck thru everything including my wild drunk nights out. I turned into something else and hoed around. I guess it was my way of dealing with stuff and found comfort in seeing guys? Because i didn't know who i was and my confidence was so used to being dependent on a guy for security and empowerment that i couldn't do it alone. I couldn't empower myself and thats mainly the reason to why i slept around. anyways edwin and i talked 25/7 day and night and we got so close without even realizing it. we gave each other relationship advice as he was seeing a couple girls and so was I. when i came back for reading break he kissed me and thats when i realized he had feelings for me all this while. I was so blinded by all these fuck boys to see he was right under my nose the entire time. and when he was flirting with me he actually was flirting with me and not joking about it. well i made a mistake after but long story short i liked him in an instant. i liked him more than like. i loved him but i knew it was too soon. i was scared to get serious so fast considering its only been a couple months since i broke up with josh. anyways he asked me out and i said yes in a heartbeat. He is not like any other guy and i know it. he’s far from them and he;s never going to hurt me. he didn't even have to say that to reassure me i just know. and I'm dating my best friend like how much better could it get. he helped me get sober and i could be 5 months sober but i had slip up. so its been 2 months fully clean and i couldn't feel anymore cleaner and pure. end of 2017 started to look better for me. I started dating my best friend, got sober, got out of probation, got a job in kelowna and my relationship with my parents got so so so strong. My mom and I haven't been closer and its honestly the best. little did i know we are the same person esp when drunk haha. But then some stuff with my little sister when down and i ratted her to my parents because it was the only way to get her out of that situation. anyways she doesn't talk to me anymore or ever. And i guess I'm so hurt and thats why i decided to write everything out because I'm hurt. I lost my best friend since 2013. yes she is my sister but she is also my best friend. If you ask me who i want as my bridesmaid id say shalini right off the hook. without thinking because when we moved here we had no one but each other. we moved half way across the country and left everything and everyone behind just because I  was failing school in singapore. we got close i guess after only having each other and it just stings a little that she can't trust me cause who do i trust now.I know i have edwin but its different. she’s my sister she just knows me like no body else. we were fobs together and we matured and grew together. i don't have any other girl friends i trust besides her. i don't have a girl best friend and i guess I'm just sad over that. I lost all my girl best friends cause of josh and the others are back home half way across the fucking world and i just don't mean as much as i used to to them. distance and time difference can play a part lol. I really don't know what got to me to talk about everything or at least a couple things but maybe its just cause i finally got my period after 3 months and I'm super emotional and hormonal? sighs anyways i know 2018 is going to be my year and so many things are happening this year its defs gonna be a year to remember. I just wish for my best friend to come back or for me to find a good girlfriend who's on my level and wants to talk to me about her date or texts me while she;s on her date or something or comes over to nap or eat food or netflx or maybe go shopping with idk. i know i already have a friend./ twin sister  like that, hanna, but she’s half way across the country and boy have we distanced. anyways i took like 45 mins typing this out and crying so i think its time to toughen up and get back to reality and life. Im a strong girl who’s been thru a couple things and with that experience of being hurt, used and manipulated I'm gonna make a change and 2018 is going to be waaaay different. I got this, all of it.