#it would seem i am on my chimney han shit

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1 REACTION

After last week’s 100th episode, I am back with a reaction to our latest episode. I do want to acknowledge my last reaction got a bit wordy so it’s my goal to keep things nice and tight. Like Lou Ferrigno Jr.'s body. Okay, focus! Ahem. This reaction is for the season 7, fifth episode “You Don’t Know Me” which originally aired April 11, 2024. The episode was written by Lyndsey Beaulieu and Taylor Wong and directed by Brenna Mallow. Spoilers ahead!

“I’m the boss of me.” – Terry and audience

We begin the episode in a hotel conference room where speaker Terry (played by John Milhiser) is talking to a small audience about the importance of having self-control. He tells his captive audience the secret to self-control is one simple thing; however, before he can reveal that simple thing, his right hand seizes up and starts going all Devon Sawa in Idle Hands on Terry. The audience is aghast as Terry starts beating the shit out of himself. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so horrifying. 

Cue title card.

“Get it off!” – Eddie Diaz, to anyone who will listen

The 118 arrive on the scene and find Terry slapping himself. Hen reminds us that once upon a time she went to med school and suggests Terry is suffering from something called alien hand syndrome. Eddie doesn’t believe such a thing exists but Hen schools him by explaining that it’s a rare neurological condition that causes a person’s limbs to act out, seemingly of their own will. This condition usually indicates urgent brain danger. Bobby tells Buck and Eddie to restrain Terry while Hen and Chimney prepare to administer some lorazepam and lidocaine. Buck and Eddie struggle to restrain the guy which is funny considering they’re both big dudes and this guy doesn’t seem like he would be that strong. Hen asks Terry if he’s recently been treated for epilepsy or blood clots. He tells her no and Chimney asks if he’s been treated for an irregular heartbeat. Terry tells him he had an operation four weeks ago for his AFib. Hen thinks it’s possible his heart has grown a blood clot that went to his brain. Basically, Terry is having a stroke and it’s imperative they get him to the hospital immediately before there’s any brain damage. 

Terry’s hand reaches for Buck’s throat and starts choking him. Bobby manages to pry his hand off Buck’s throat, but it immediately grabs Eddie’s (ahem) privates. Yup, you read that correctly. Terry’s hand gropes Eddie’s package. Eddie is basically S.A.-ed in a room full of people. Bobby pries his hand off, again, and Eddie collapses to the floor. The hand goes for Buck’s throat again and Chimney sneaks in to administer the lidocaine which numbs Terry’s arm and hand. At this point, Buck’s face is beet-red, and his eyes are bulging out. Terry goes to apologize to Buck and Eddie, but neither are very receptive to his apology. 

“How perfect is this little face?” – Karen Wilson, to Maddie Buckley

We head over to the Buckley-Han residence where Maddie and Chimney are giving some of Jee-Yun’s baby clothes to Hen and Karen who are excited about the arrival of a new foster child. Karen gets a call from the social worker asking to meet with them. When they meet with Dierdra (played by Andi Chapman) she tells them the little girl they were planning on fostering is being taken in by her grandmother. What I like most about this scene, it shows how much Hen and Karen have grown since the whole Nia situation back in season 3. They’re disappointed about not being able to foster the little girl, but Hen says that at least the girl gets to stay with her family. 

Dierdra tells them there’s another girl who needs a home but she’s older. Both the girl’s parents are deceased and she’s currently living in a group home which is not an ideal living situation for a 9-year-old. Dierdra tells Hen and Karen that this girl is very special, and she wants her to have a fighting chance at having a good life. She believes her best chance is with Hen and Karen. Hen looks at Karen who gives her a look that indicates her interest in giving this child a home. Hen asks Dierdra when she and Karen will get to meet her. 

“I’m an ally. Every Pride Month, I put a rainbow on my Instagram.” – Evan Buckley, to Tommy Kinard

Meanwhile, Buck and Tommy (played by Lou Ferrigno Jr.) go out on their first date. While Tommy pays their bill, Buck asks him what time the movie starts. Tommy tells him the movie theater has 18 screens so they can pick a movie when they get there. Buck glances around the restaurant, nervously, and Tommy assures him that no one is looking at them. I love that Tommy is one of the only characters in the show who calls him Evan. Tommy reminds him that no one cares that they’re having dinner together. Buck, of course, plays coy, and Tommy tells him he’s a little tense. He tells Buck that he gets it. The two of them are in a pretty macho line of work,. He tells Buck that he’d be surprised by how accepting most people are. 

Buck asks Tommy if he’s always been out at work. Tommy tells him ‘no’ and says that the 118 was a pretty regressive place back when it was under the leadership of Captain Gerrard. Tommy says that back then he was still figuring himself out. When he transferred to Harbor, he stopped lying about who he was. Buck says he’s not lying about who he is and Tommy says he didn’t say Buck was. He was talking about himself. Buck tells Tommy this is his first date with a guy but assures him he’s not weirded out. I cackled when Buck told Tommy he was an ally and that he posts a rainbow on his Instagram during Pride Month. Tommy says that it must be him that makes Buck nervous. 

“Evan, I think you’re adorable.” – Tommy Kinard, to Evan Buckley

Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Eddie and his girlfriend, Marisol (played by Edy Ganem). Eddie greets them both, very loudly, and is excited to see his two friends hanging out. Tommy tells them they just had dinner and are on their way to see a movie. Buck says that afterwards they’re going to go pick up hot chicks because women like firefighters. Eddie, of course, is oblivious and makes a comment about Marisol being a hot chick and finding her firefighter. I don’t know who’s cringier in this scene – Buck or Eddie. Eddie tells Buck and Tommy that Marisol agreed to move in with him and they both tell him congratulations. Marisol makes a comment about moving her armoire into Eddie’s house and he says that you can never have too much closet space. Tommy says, ain’t that the truth – right, Evan? I hollered!!!! Buck looks like he wants to disappear. Eddie and Marisol leave, and Tommy asks if Buck’s ready to go. Buck says yes. Outside, Tommy orders a Lyft just for himself. He tells Buck he’s going to skip the movie. When Buck asks why, Tommy tells him that he doesn’t think Buck is ready. Before he gets in the car, he tells Buck he’ll see him around. I felt so bad for Buck in this scene, but I totally understand where Tommy is coming from.

“Can we go back to the pronoun?” – Maddie Buckley, to Evan Buckley

Dierdra introduces Hen, Karen, and Denny to a Mara Driskell (played by Askyler Bell). Mara is non-verbal and seems withdrawn. Hen tells her to make herself at home and Denny gives her his favorite teddy bear. Meanwhile, Buck goes to see Maddie and tells her about his date. He describes his date in vague terms which leads Maddie to believe he’s seeing a married woman. Buck says he’s not seeing a married woman and tells her he feels guilty for lying to Eddie. Maddie asks him why he did it and Buck says he doesn’t know. Buck tells her that his date left him standing outside the restaurant. Maddie picks up on the specific pronoun he used to describe his date and to Buck’s credit, he tells her he was on a date with a guy. 

Maddie is so supportive in this scene which I knew she’d been. In fact, I don’t think anyone is going to have a problem with Buck being interested in men. Maddie asks him how long it’s been since he’s been leaning in the other direction. He tells her he hasn’t been leaning in that direction; however, he will, from time to time, check out a hot guy’s ass. Buck considers this normal behavior, and you know what, I agree with him. We should all, regardless of who were are attracted to, take the time to check out a hot guy’s ass. Buck tells his sister about Tommy. I thought it was so cute when Buck lists all the things he finds attractive about Tommy Kinard. He’s confident, interesting, and no one has a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston Tommy. Maddie asks if this is the same Tommy who is Eddie’s friend. Buck gets defensive and reminds her that Tommy is a recent friend that he and Eddie most definitely met at the same time. I love when Buck gets jealous. Maddie tells Buck that she doesn’t think he’s a fraud and she follows that up with some amazing, sisterly advice. She reminds him that he’s still processing these new feelings and when he’s ready to tell Eddie the truth, he will do it in his own time.  We end the scene with Maddie asking Buck to tell her more about the hot pilot.

“You’re not gonna spank me with a ruler, are you?” – Eddie Diaz, to Marisol

We next head over to the Diaz residence where we see Eddie and Marisol in bed together presumably after sexytimes. I found this transition jarring because we haven’t seen this side of Eddie since season 2. It’s so funny to me that Ryan Guzman is one of this show’s sex symbols, but we rarely get intimate scenes with his character. In fact, all of the other characters have been shown to have very active and satisfying sex lives within the show. Even Bobby and Athena like to mix it up with some roleplay from time to time. Anywho, Marisol heads into the bathroom to take the world’s fastest shower while Eddie snoops through her things. He finds a crucifix and a photo of her in a nun’s habit. He asks her when she was a nun for Halloween. Marisol exits the bathroom wearing a towel and tells him the photo was taken when she was with the Sisters of the Holy Order. She passes off this information like it’s the most normal explanation in the world before heading back into the bathroom. He asks he if she was really a month and she lets him know she only made it to novice and never took her final vows. Eddie tells her he’s having flash backs to being back in middle school. He asks if he she plans on spanking him with a ruler and she jokes that she’ll only do that if he asks nicely. When Marisol leaves the bathroom this time, Eddie sees her dressed in a habit with a celestial glow around her. Yeah, Buck may be dealing with his sexuality, but our boy Eddie has some good old-fashioned Catholic guilt.

“Is something wrong?” – Karen Wilson, to Mara Driskell

Back over at the Wilsons, Karen helps Mara get ready for bed. As she goes to leave the room, she finds the bear that Denny gave Mara lying on the floor with its head ripped off. Karen is rightfully disturbed by this and quickly exits the room. Later on, Karen wakes up to find Mara standing at the end of her bed. She wakes Hen up and they ask if something is wrong. Mara just stands there and glares at them in the creepiest way. Hen gets up and tells Mara she will go back to her room with her. When she goes to put her hand on Mara’s shoulder, the child starts screaming bloody murder which wakes Denny up. Hen and Karen exchange horrified looks.

“So, she dropped out of nun school?” – Evan Buckley, to Eddie Diaz

The next day, Buck walks into work, looking nervous and trepidatious. He sees Eddie at the bench-press and heads over to talk to him. He starts things off by telling Eddie he’s there early. Eddie says he’s been there since 6:00 even though their shift doesn’t start till 9:00. Eddie tells Buck he left the house early to avoid having sex with Marisol. Eddie asks Buck if his family was very religious when he was growing up which, no offense to the writers, seems like a conversation they would’ve maybe had by now considering how close they are. Buck says they were Episcopalian so basically no. I laughed at this line because I’ve always thought of Episcopalian as diet Catholicism. Many of the same rituals without all the pomp and pageantry. Eddie says he comes from Latin Catholics which apparently is even more hardcore than regular Catholics. Rosary beads. Catholic schools. Confessions. Mass every Sunday. He tells Buck he went until he was old enough to let tell his parents it wasn’t for him. Eddie calls himself as a Manchurian Catholic with a reservoir of Catholic guilt lying dormant just waiting to be activated. 

Eddie goes on to say that everything was going great with Marisol moving in until he found out she was a nun. Buck’s follow-up question to hearing all of this is asking if she wears the outfit meaning the nun’s habit. Eddie explains that she’s not a nun currently, but she was once upon a time. Buck asks if she dropped out or was expelled. Eddie says that Marisol left of her own volition. Buck asks him what the problem is. Eddie says the problem is that he can’t look at her without wanting to do the Sign of the Cross instead of … other things. Eddie says he hasn’t been able to get a boner since she told him which explains why he’s so pent up. Buck tells him that Episcopalians don’t have guilt which is something he doesn’t exactly feel great about and suggests that Eddie appeal to a higher power. Eddie asks Buck if he thinks he should go to confession. Buck tells him ‘no’ and says he thinks he should go talk to Bobby since he’s a practicing Catholic. Eddie thinks this is a good idea since Bobby has never made him feel judged. He tells Buck that’s good advice. He goes to leave but pauses. He turns to Buck and says that it looked like he wanted to tell him something when he walked in. Buck lies and says he was just going to see if needed someone to spot him. 

“One minute, Denny’s setting the table and the next, he’s bleeding.” – Karen Wilson, to Hen Wilson

Upstairs, Bobby brings Hen coffee. She tells him she need a handful of ibuprofen. He asks her if she has a headache, she tells him she has an everything ache. He asks her how thing are going with Mara, and she tells him that something happened to her. Before she got to Hen and Karen. Hen tells him that Mara had an episode the previous night. A night terror. She tells Bobby that she’s been with a day and a night but so far hasn’t spoken a single word. Bobby tells her that once Mara feels safe, she will eventually open up. Hen gets a text from Karen with a photo of Denny. Denny had a bruise over his right eye and the two of them are at the emergency room. Hen gets up and tells Bobby she needs to call Karen.

She learns that during breakfast, Mara chucked a coffee mug at Denny’s head. Hen asks if Denny is okay, and Karen says that he swears he’s fine. Denny tells Karen and Hen that Mara didn’t mean to hurt him which is awfully mature of him to say. Hen starts freaking out and asking about x-rays and stitches and checking for a concussion. Karen lets her know she is handling things. Hen apologizes and says she wishes she was there. Hen asks how all of this happened and Karen tells her she thinks it’s because Denny moved her blanket. Hen tells Karen that she’ll be home soon and when she gets there they have a lot to talk about. Karen agrees. When Hen gets home, the two of them make a phone call to Dierdra.

“I’m not gonna tell you how you feel about Marisol, Eddie. Only you know that.” – Bobby Nash, to Eddie Diaz

Meanwhile, back at the 118, Eddie shows Bobby a photo of Marisol wearing her nun’s habit. Bobby says that Marisol doesn’t look like any of the nuns he had back when he was in Minnesota. Bobby tells Eddie he understands why he’s unnerved by the knowledge that Marisol used to be a nun. He says that the imagery from their faith is very powerful. Eddie says he’s not sure if he can say that it is their faith. He tells Bobby he doesn’t know what he believes in anymore. Bobby reminds him that a lapsed Catholic is still a Catholic. He wonders if Eddie’s reaction is just him having second thoughts about Marisol moving in with him. He says that Eddie hasn’t talked about Marisol in a way that would make Bobby think he was considering cohabitating with her. Eddie tells Bobby that he really likes Marisol. Bobby tells Eddie he remembers the last time he said something similar. It was about Ana and he tells Eddie that shortly thereafter he started having panic attacks. Eddie asks Bobby if he thinks he’s a commitment-phobe. Bobby says he doesn’t think that’s the case considering Eddie has no problem committing to other things like the military, being a firefighter, his son, and Shannon. Eddie tells Bobby that the Church is a lot of the reason why he and Shannon got married. When she got pregnant, they both felt pressured into getting married. Eddie says that he’s never regretted marrying Shannon. Even when things got really bad, there was a part of him that loved being married to her. Bobby tells Eddie that only he knows how he feels about Marisol. Eddie asks Bobby what he would do if he were in his position. Bobby says as a practicing, confession-going Catholic he would go to confession because he wouldn’t want to piss off Marisol’s ex … the Lord. 

“I was supposed to take care of her. She was finally supposed to be safe with me.” – Cynthia, to Hen Wilson

In our next scene, the 118 respond to an emergency involving a structure fire and a firefighter named Brunson who has been bitten by the homeowner’s dog. While Chimney sees to Brunson (played by Anthony Starke), the homeowner Cynthia (played by Sandra Thigpen) explains that the dog is a rescue who was once used for fighting. She is more upset about the dog being trapped inside her home which is currently on fire than she is her home. Brunson says he’s sorry he couldn’t get the dog out of the house and Cynthia apologizes for her dog biting him. Hen, being an avid animal lover, goes to check on the dog after she’s carried out of the house by another fireman. She detects movement and begins administering compressions to the dog. Okay, so maybe I’m late to the party but I didn’t know CPR worked on dogs. The dog regains consciousness and Cynthia is so happy. Brunson says to Hen that she doesn’t give up and Chimney tells him that giving up is not in her vocabulary. 

“Everybody’s given up on her. I don’t want to be another name in a long list of people who have failed her.” – Hen Wilson, to Athena Grant

Hen goes to see Athena who has done some digging into Mara’s background. They learn that Mara’s parents were high school sweethearts who have criminal records going all the way back to when they were teenagers. They were both into drugs which ultimately led to their demise. They both died on the same night due to an opioid overdose. They’d been dead several hours by the time paramedics arrived. Hen asks Athena how the paramedics found them. Athena tells her someone called 911. 

Hen and Karen head over to the 911 dispatch center to see Maddie. I love how we keep getting more scenes between these Maddie and Hen. I would argue that we’ve seen Hen and Maddie together more in just this season alone than the other seasons combined. Maddie plays the 911 call from the night Mara’s parents overdosed. At first no one responds to the dispatcher but eventually Mara starts talking. Mara tells him that her parents went to sleep and now they will not wake up. It was absolutely heartbreaking listening to Mara tell the dispatcher that she couldn’t feel her parents breathing. She tells him that sometimes her parents take pills that make them sleepy but they always wakeup. She wonders why they aren’t waking up this time. She begs for them to wake up. When the recording ends, Hen realizes aloud that Mara wasn’t just watching her and Karen sleep. She was worried they weren’t going to wake up. Karen says she was trying to protect them. I mean that still doesn’t make what she did to Denny okay but at least we have an explanation as to why she’s acting out and not speaking to anyone.

Eddie heads over to Buck’s to avoid going home to his own place. Buck tells him he’s going to have to go home at some point. Eddie asks if he has to. Buck reminds him that’s where he and his son lives. Eddie says that Christopher is away for the next couple of days. Speaking of Christopher, I was hoping that with him being a main part of the cast now that we’d see him more this season. Maybe he’ll factor in towards the latter half of the season. Anywho, Eddie is worried that if he goes home, Marisol will want to have sex with him. Buck tells him he’ll get through it. Eddie is worried about God watching them knock boots and Buck asks him if God was watching before Eddie learned about Marisol being a nun. Eddie says that he’s going to have to break up with her. Buck asks him if that is what he wants. Eddie says no and reminds Buck that he just asked Marisol to move in with him. He tells Buck that he and Tommy have the right idea staying single and hanging out with the boys. Oh, Eddie. You don’t know the half of it. 

“This doesn’t change a thing between us. Okay?” – Eddie Diaz, to Evan Buckley

Buck finally comes clean and tells Eddie he was on a date with Tommy. Eddie is shocked that Tommy’s gay which is funny to me because one would think his first thought would be, wow, Buck, you’re bisexual? Buck figured that Tommy’s sexuality would’ve come up at some point while they were hanging out. Eddie says Tommy hasn’t said anything to him, not that it would matter. Buck says that Tommy doesn’t volunteer his sexuality, but he doesn’t hide it. Buck asks Eddie if it’s weird that he and Tommy were on a date and Eddie says absolutely not. Eddie tells Buck that nothing will change between the two of them and Buck is visibly relieved by hearing this. Buck tells him that Tommy dumped him but then remembers that he can’t be dumped if they were never together. Buck tells him that Tommy doesn’t think he’s ready to be in a relationship with a guy. Eddie asks him what he thinks. Buck says he can’t stop thinking about Tommy. Eddie tells Buck he needs to call Tommy. Eddie reminds him that Tommy doesn’t know he’s an idiot but once he does get to know him, he’ll love Buck – like they all do. But what if he says no, Buck asks. Then he’s an idiot, Eddie says. Eddie tells him not to walk away from something before he even knows what it is. Buck echoes what Eddie said earlier in the episode and tells him that’s good advice. Eddie agrees and tells Buck he needs to talk to Marisol. He gets up and heads to the door. Before he leaves, he tells Buck to come here, and the two besties hug it out. This scene was so precious. I love the chemistry between these two. I’m still not 100% sold on them being anything other than friends but I can see why others would see a scene like this and ship these two romantically. Before Eddie leaves, he reminds Buck to call Tommy. If only you could be as good of a boyfriend as you are a friend, Eddie. You would be as close to perfect as a person could get. 

“Because no man has ever looked at me the same after they found out.” – Marisol, to Eddie Diaz

Eddie finally makes it back to his house right about the same time Marisol gets there. He apologizes for not coming home sooner. He asks her if she’s had anything to eat and she tells him she ate with her brother. This made me laugh because I’ve seen people on Reddit and Tumblr joke about how Marisol has more chemistry with her brother than she does with Eddie. Anywho, Marisol tells Eddie they should talk and he agrees. She tells him she have told him sooner about being a nun. He asks her why she didn’t, and she tells him that whenever she tells a guy about her past, one of two things happen. Either they get freaked out or turned on. Eddie suggests there may be a third option – the kind of guy who just needs a minute. Marisol tells him if he’s not ready for them to cohabitate, she understands. Eddie tells her he doesn’t think he’s ready for them to leave together … yet. He tells her something about him. He confesses that he has the tendency to move too fast in his relationships. He goes with his gut and lets his head catch up later. Marisol asks if that usually works out for him and he tells her no. However, this time he would really like it if it did. Eddie asks Marisol if they can start over, and she says yes. This time he wants them to take time getting to know each other. They kiss and Marisol says she can’t wait to move out. Eddie says he can’t wait either.

“Night, night.” – Mara, to Karen Wilson

At the Wilson residence, Karen goes into Mara’s room to talk to her. She says she can’t imagine how hard it is for her being in a new house with strangers. Karen says she would be scared all the time which is how she knows Mara is a very brave girl. Karen tells Mara she doesn’t have to be brave all the time. She tells her she is safe there with her, Hen, and Denny – even if she doesn’t feel like she is. She gives Mara a monitor so she can see that Karen and Hen are there and know that she is safe. She tells Mara goodnight and tells her goodnight. Hen and Karen are delighted to hear this.

“I don’t know what I’m ready for, but I am ready for something. And I think maybe that something could be with you.” – Evan Buckley, to Tommy Kinard

The next day, Buck meet up with Tommy. They exchange hellos and Buck thanks Tommy for agreeing to meet him. He tells Tommy he got him a coffee. He didn’t know how he took his coffee, so he just guessed. Tommy takes a sip and says, not like that. I love how honest Tommy is. It’s what I find so endearing about him. They both laugh and Buck says there’s a lot of things they don’t know about each other. Tommy says practically everything. Buck wants to change that but first he apologizes for how he behaved on their date. Tommy assures him he has nothing to apologize for, but Buck says he does. Tommy tells him no again and explains that he didn’t cut their date short because Buck behaved badly. He cut it short because he didn’t want to pressure Buck. Buck admits that how he acted is not one of his proudest moments. Buck brings up how Tommy said he wasn’t ready. He tells Tommy that he doesn’t know what he’s ready for but he is ready for something. He believes that maybe that something could be with Tommy. Tommy says that Buck already knows he’s interested. Buck invites him to come to Maddie’s wedding. Tommy laughs but quickly realizes that Buck is serious. Buck tells him that he wants him to be his date. When Tommy said Evan, I swooned. Buck tells him that he already knows half the people that will be at the wedding and says that Maddie is eager to meet him. I love how Tommy is always checking to make sure Buck is okay with everything they are doing. He asks Buck if he’s sure and Buck says he is. He tells Tommy he’ll need someone to dance with. Tommy says okay. They hold hands and Buck looks so happy I could just scream.  “What was it, pastel and puke?” – Maddie Buckley, to Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz

In our final scene, we flash-forward to Maddie and Chimney’s wedding. We see Athena looking absolutely radiant seated next to Bobby. We see Maddie in her wedding dress freaking out over Chimney, Buck, and Eddie being a half an hour late. Maddie’s dad (played by Gregory Harrison) is trying to call Buck but keeps getting his voicemail. Hen arrives in looking absolutely stunning in a black tux. She tells Maddie that Buck’s car just pulled up. Maddie is relieved and asks if Chimney is with them. Hen tells her she isn’t sure. She didn’t see. Buck and Eddie arrive looking like something the proverbial cat drug in. I love their pastel blazer. Eddie’s in a pink suit with no shirt on for some reason. Not that I’m complaining. Buck has on all white with a green blazer. Maddie asks them why they’re dressed like that. Buck says they were at a themed party. Eddie says the puke on his jacket isn’t his. Maddie tells them to get changed and asks them about Chimney. Buck tells her it’s complicated. 

Wow, what another incredible episode. I like how the theme of not knowing someone carried out throughout the episode. This season continues to deliver on the character development front. Some have complained that there’s not enough emergencies this season, but I don’t care. I’ve always preferred the drama of the characters over the actual emergencies. I think the show does a good job of balancing those two things. Hell, it’s only been five episodes and we’ve dealt with a drunk driver, an airplane crashing into a house, a cruise ship capsizing and a guy going ape shit on himself. That’s plenty of emergency for me. 

Speaking of balance, I think the show is doing a good job of balancing our main characters’ storyline. The first three episodes dealt with Athena and Buck. The last two episodes have been about Buck, Hen, and Eddie. I feel like the next episodes will deal with Maddie and Chimney. Speaking of Buck, I am very pleased with the direction his character is going. I was watching an episode from season one and it’s remarkable how far he’s come since then. The same goes with Hen. In season one, I wasn’t sure if her relationship with Karen was going to go the distance but here we are seven years later and they’re still together, better than ever, and fostering kids in addition to raising Denny. Then we have Eddie. I am so happy Bobby called him out on his bullshit. I’ve watched people online make excuses for Eddie’s behavior while pointing the finger at Shannon. I’ve never understood how people could be so angry at Shannon for leaving Christopher but turn a blind eye to the fact that Eddie has openly admitted to signing up for another tour of duty because he wasn’t ready to deal with being a husband and a father. Having Marisol move out is a good decision although I wish he never asked her to move in to begin with. It creates more baggage for her. Hopefully, Eddie will take additional steps to figure out why he sucks at relationships. It's so funny to me because I see so many folks online who swear up and down that Eddie and Buck are going to be together by the end of this season. Yet, none of them have ever taken the time to consider that if Eddie is bad with Shannon, Ana, and now with Marisol, why would things be any different with Buck? Also, I do not want Eddie to interfere with Buck’s bisexual awakening. In fact, outside of them being just two friends supporting each other, I would like to see them embark on their separate journeys alone and maybe rely on others for advice. 

Well, unfortunately it looks like we will not be getting a new episode until May 2nd. I checked my calendar and May 2nd isn’t as far away as I thought. Having 9-1-1 on a brief hiatus will allow me some time to revisit some older episodes and rewatch the five episodes from this season. The thing about 9-1-1, much like Golden Girls and Schitt’s Creek, it will never get old to me. So, maybe I’ll start at the very beginning (again) so I can better appreciate how far our beloved characters have come. Until next time …

[kitkatpancakestack]

CHIMNEY HAN as SELF-CARE TWEETS

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

I just. I just thought about Eddie holding baby Jee-Yun? And singing to her while she clutches at his finger with her tiny meaty baby hand??

Maybe Buck freaked out a little because she was being fussy and wouldn't settle, and its probably nothing but hey, who better to call than Eddie, who conveniently has the day off and cuts off Buck's panicked rambling with a soothing;

"Its okay, Buck. Give me ten minutes, okay? You're doing great. She's probably just restless."

Eddie gets there and sends Buck off to cook dinner or shower or take a nap, scooping Jee-Yun out of her travel crib and making sure she's changed, warm, fed and content. And its been so long since Christopher was this tiny, but holding Jee-Yun makes him think back to that tiny, wriggly little bundle in his arms for the first time, back before it all went to shit.

Eddie pacing slowly around the lower loft, singing quietly, tickling her little chin, grinning when she giggles and gurgles at him. And he can see so much of Maddie and Chimney in her already. She's got Maddie's eyes and Chimney's lopsided grin.

(And for a little crack, maybe Buck catches this scene and is so overwhelmed he just blurts out; "put a baby in me!" And Eddie is like; "... What?" 👁👄👁 Which cues a hilariously awkward but heartfelt confession of feelings on both sides.)

Hey hey! So I like I told you I started this a while ago and then got SEVERE AND DEBILITATING writers block, and it sat waiting for new life. And then 5x03 happened, so Hello, new life! I hope you love it!

With You, My Life, I Will Get Married

Warning: mild spoilers for 9-1-1 season 5 episode 3.

Chimney was out searching for Maddie.

After shifts, on weekends, whenever he had a second, he was either spending time with Jee or out searching for her mom.

In times when he was on the search everyone at the 118 was making time to watch Jee Yun. Mrs. Lee was doing what she could, but couldn't always be available, and when that happened, Jee would spend some time at Bobby and Athena's or by Hen and Karen. And when they had too much going on, or when either of the uncles felt like they weren't getting enough time with their beautiful niece, she would spend time at her Uncle Buck's or Uncle Albert's.

Uncle Buck got lucky this time.

Eight hours in and everything had gone wrong. Buck shoulders were damp with spit-up, baby drool, and snot and all Jee seemed capable of doing was crying, crying, crying.

"I'm so sorry! I don't know what I did wrong, and, and now--just, Jee, please, it's okay, I'm here--!"

She continued to yell and Buck got more and more panicked. "Your Uncle Albert's gonna be here in like 5 minutes, Jee, okay? And then, maybe, maybe he's better with you? And will make you happy, and then--Oh God, what have I done wrong--"

A knocking at the door sent him back on his feet, swaying toward the loft entrance. It opened before he could get there, however, and he stopped where he was, a furious Jee Yun screaming in his ears as Eddie Diaz, not Albert Han, walked in.

"You look like you're having fun." Eddie's eyebrow was raised and his mouth quirked in a teasing smile.

"Eddie...?" Buck's momentary shock was interrupted as Jee let out another wail. "Um, sorry, this isn't the best time at the moment, but Albert--"

"--has a date tonight and sent me as his relief." Eddie reached out and plucked Jee Yun from Buck's arms. "And you have a date with your shower and a few hours' sleep."

"I--no, it's okay, I know you just got off shift--"

"Buck." Eddie shifted Jee to one arm, and the other rested on Buck's chest, over his pattering heartbeat. He met Buck's eyes, his own calm despite the bundle of adorable chaos still screaming bloody murder into his shoulder. "Go shower."

"...Yeah, okay."

***

She truly was one of the cutest babies, even when she was liable to wake up the neighborhood with her noise, Eddie thought with a smile as he re-seated her over one shoulder and began to firmly but gently tap her back.

"Your Tio Eddie is going to assume this is a gas issue, okay, chiquita? Christopher used to have this all the time, and he would scream and cry." Eddie huffed ruefully. "I was useless at it then, but Shannon showed me what to do." He kept tapping at her back. "Good set of lungs means a healthy baby, good job, Jee. Now, let's see if we can't get this gas out of you so you can calm down and you and your Tio Buck can get some sleep, okay?"

Eddie started circling the room, the sun beginning to set as he heard he shower turn on.

"There you go, see? Your Buck is going to get all showered since you drooled all over him, and then you both can get some sleep, how's that sound?"

He was answered with a burp far louder than Jee's small body should be capable of making. Then a sweet gurgling sound as she nestled her chin into his shoulder.

"There, feel better, mi princesa?" Eddie whispered against her soft, downy hair. "When I was small and got upset, and my parents got annoyed with my sulking, they'd send me to Abuela. And she would sit me down on her lap, just like this," he sat down on Buck's couch, and settled Jee Yun against his broad chest, rubbing her small back with a large warm hand. "And she would hug me until I forgot what I was so upset about. All I could think about was the smell of her perfume and how much I wanted to be like her one day.

"Then Pepa would come out and yell at both of us that it's about damn time we came into the house, dinner doesn't make itself." Eddie laughed at the memory. Jee made a small discontented noise and Eddie stood up again, walking toward the kitchen, where he saw the half-formed works of bottle making on the counter. "Shhh, princesa, Tio Eddie's gonna make you a bottle." With Jee over his shoulder, sounding more and more on the edge of hunger-panic, Eddie quickly assembled a bottle then leaned back against the kitchen island and cradled Jee Yun in his arms, pressing the nipple to her mouth, which she accepted gratefully.

"Better, yeah? Where was I...? Oh." Eddie smiled. "Once we were inside, Pepa, Abuela and I would make arroz con leche. Abuella would wash the rice, Pepa would be tutting the whole time about too much sugar, but she would always wink at me and add just a bit more before the cinnamon." Eddie couldn't help the smile that stole over his face as he remembered Abuela's warm kitchen in her El Paso ranch house before she and Pepa relocated to LA. In winter, the windows would fog over from the heat of whatever was on the stove. When she left, a lot of Eddie's heart left with her.

"They used to sing me the song too, you know?" Jee gurgled around her dinner and Eddie smiled again. "Well, I wasn't planning to sing it, but you drive a hard bargain." Eddie's poked Jee's soft cheek with a finger and began to sing.

Arroz con leche se quiere casar con una viudita de la capital, que sepa tejer, que sepa bordar, que ponga la aguja en su campanal.

(English translation: Rice with milk (rice pudding) Wishes to get married With a little widow from the capital. Who knows how to weave (or knit), Who knows how to embroider, Who puts the church steeple in the bell tower.)

***

Eddie was no American Idol contestant, but his voice was soothing and good. Strong. Listening to him sing from his seat on the stairs, Buck almost felt like he was where Jee currently snuggled, right against Eddie's chest, as his bass voice sung the gentle Spanish lyrics, harmonized by the occasional happy noise from Jee Yun.

Yo soy la viudita la hija del rey. Me quiero casar y no sé con quien. Contigo sí, contigo no, Contigo mi vida me casaré yo.

(English translation: I am the widow The daughter of the king, I want to get married and I don’t know with whom. With you, yes. With you, no. With you, my life, I will get married.)

Buck's head knocked lightly against the banister, body relaxing. He wasn't wearing a shirt, just the softest sweatpants he owned with a towel draped over his shoulders to catch water from the mess of wet curls on his head.

Eddie's so hard on himself all the time. I don't get it. He's such a good dad.

Dazedly, Buck's eyes fixed on Eddie's mouth as he repeated the verses again. Then Eddie sighed.

"Afterward Pepa would ask me who I want to marry and Abuela would laugh at me, and I'd always complain--" Jee gurgled again. "Like that, yes. But honestly, it was nice... Even though between you and me, Pepa can't sing very well at all." Eddie's lips quirked again in a smile. "Kind of like your Uncle Buck."

Buck startled at his name and looked up at Eddie's eyes. They twinkled back at him in the dying last light of the day, Eddie's golden skin lit by the last rays of the sun. Buck felt his face heat with a blush, knew there was nothing to do about it.

"Sorry, I should've--"

"Feel better after your shower?"

Buck sighed and smiled. "Yeah. World's better." He stood, stretching out his long legs as he descended the stairs. It was full dark now, but Buck didn't feel like turning on a light. "I can take her now."

"Nope." Eddie met him midway, hand on Buck's shoulder turning him around. "You're both getting some sleep now." One hand on Buck's shoulder, the other holding a drowsy Jee Yun, Eddie guided him back up the stairs, and pressed Buck down until he was sitting on his bed.

"Eddie, are you sure--"

"Shhh." Eddie deposited Jee into Buck's arms, then sat down behind him. "You can hold her for now." Eddie's hands skimmed up Buck's warm back then pulled the towel off Buck's shoulders, laying it on top of Buck's head, where a corner flopped over his eyes.

"Eddie?"

"Hold still, Buck."

Eddie's strong hands curled into the towel and Buck's hair, rubbing vigorously to get it dry. "Seriously, anyone who has ever seen your hair at work would marvel at how different it looks before you comb and gel all the life out of it." He rubbed vigorously, and Buck felt himself relaxing back against Eddie's chest. Tomorrow, he might look back at this and feel embarrassed. He might have to apologize. Tomorrow, he would go back to hiding how much he felt for the man who was drying his hair, still absent-mindedly humming the Arroz con leche tune under his breath. But for now, Eddie was too near and too warm and too... Eddie. And Buck found that he couldn't deny himself Eddie right now.

Buck cleared his throat and made himself focus on their conversation. "I used to wear my hair naturally, but people said it looked floppy. Made me look like a puppy."

"People are stupid sometimes, Buck. You know this." Eddie's thumb traced the shell of Buck's ear. "And if you think slicking back your hair makes you look less like a puppy, you really shouldn't be bothering." He snickered as Buck tried to shoulder his chest and Jee made a noise of complaint.

"So I just look like a puppy all the time, huh?"

The towel dropped. Eddie's arms came around, holding onto Buck and Jee Yun both. "I think you're a beautiful man, Buck."

The air in Buck's chest hiccupped out of his mouth. His heart picked up speed as the places where Eddie's hands rested on his stomach seemed to heat from within. "Y... Eddie?"

"Shhh. Sleep now. Jee's asleep, but who knows for how long." Eddie's voice was gruff, embarrassed. "I'll just--"

"Stay?" It came out too high, too soft. Buck cleared his throat and tried again. "I mean, if it isn't any trouble, and--"

"I can stay." Eddie's arms tightened around Buck again and he pulled him backwards until Buck could lay out flat on his back, before pressing Buck's head down on his pillow. Then Eddie pulled Jee from Buck's arms and sat back against the headrest, legs folded together, Buck's niece cuddled again against his chest. "Sleep now."

"Okay." There was so much Buck wanted to know. To say. It all got stopped in his throat as fear tamped it all down to squirm in his chest.

"Eddie?" The word found its way out.

"Hm?"

"...Nothing."

A sigh. Then, "Come here."

Buck didn't hesitate, moving his head off the pillow and onto Eddie's lap. Eddie's spare hand found its way back into his curls and tugged lightly before stroking through them, gently, so gently.

"Sleep now."

"Okay. But," Buck's jaw cracked around a large yawn. "Before... you have to know..."

"Hm?"

"You are... so beautiful... Eddie Diaz."

Buck felt Eddie's hand tighten in his hair again, before releasing, fingers wandering down to trace his eyebrows, his nose, his lips.

"Sleep, querido."

As Buck's eyes slipped closed, and awareness almost dropped away, he swore he could feel lips press lightly right above his eye, on his birth mark.

"Contigo mi vida me casaré yo."

[buckaroosboogara]

911 week - Day 5:

“Can I tell you a secret?” + comfort

(1800~ words, Albert and Chimney, tw alcohol and mentions of addiction/addiction.)

@911week

"Albert, I don't know how or why, but if you don't want to be a firefighter anymore, just tell me." Chimney huffed.

"Well," Albert got up and stumbled with his feet. He gained composure and walked to the door. "I don't wanna be a firefighter. Father was right, I am useless. And just like him, an alcoholic. Now go away." 

Chimney flinched, "This is not you Albert, please..." 

"Well, what do you know about me, huh? We were apart for more than 20 years." Albert barked as he opened the door. 

"I'll come back." Chim said, walking outside. 

"Yeah, yeah."

Albert wanted to cry. 

He felt like the world was turning him into a living joke, only alive to make people laugh, and he hated it. 

He was a step closer to be out of the fire academy, and his instructor had warned him that if he made one mistake more, he would be out. 

First, his written test had an 80/100, he would have like to blame it on Jee and her strong lungs that woke him up four hours before his exam at 8, but he couldn't do that. It was also his fault for constantly delaying the time to study for it, until dinner of the very last night before the exam. 

Then, he decided to move in with Buck again, or better said, move to Buck's place since the other man was mostly at Eddie's place than his own flat, giving Maddie and Chimney the privacy they needed. They happened to go partying to celebrate Albert's birthday the night before a big Chief went unpromptedly to the academy, and Albert arrived late for the first time, just that day. 

And now... he definitely deserved to get kicked out. 

He filled his teammate's oxygen tank with the gases, mostly nitrogen and carbon monoxide, that the O2 truck's engine liberated. 

He almost killed the girl during their training. 

And he didn't have a father in an important charge or a politician mother to get him out of that trouble, like the story of a training firefighter in Chicago. 

His only consolation was that his teammate, Jennifer, the only woman in his class, was already at her home, and had texted him to say it was okay, she knew he didn't mean to hurt her. That he was a harmless cinnamon bun, whatever that meant. 

He went home after the furious instructor had made him leave the academy, having done enough harm for the day. 

He messaged Buck, briefly telling him he was home early, and threw himself on the couch, the weight of guilt crushing him down. 

Albert really wished Jennifer - or JJ, how she like her friends to call her, but Albert didn't consider himself one - would be okay and become a firefighter in the next two weeks, when their final physical exam would happen. 

He also didn't want to alarm Buck or Chimney, both were stressed enough, having to juggle between being at the station and covering shifts for the two people down and having to take care of Maddie, Eddie, and Bobby, with the last two assuring they didn't need their help. 

Between these thoughts he fell asleep, waking up some hours after, dreams of death and disappointment hunting him. 

He put his jacket on and looked for a bar near, doing the only thing he ever learned from his father. 

Drown his guilts in alcohol. 

... 

Chimney could feel something was wrong with his brother. 

No, he knew. 

The clues were right there. 

He wasn't calling as much as he used to do, and whenever Buck called and was at their loft, Albert was not there. 

That, plus Buck's comments about him arriving home very late and leaving very early, with dark eye bags and smelling of alcohol. Those comments didn't ease the feeling on Chimney's gut. 

He first tried to call him, day, noon, even at 3 am when he couldn't sleep during a shift. Nothing. 

Or, short messages telling him he would call later, but he never did. 

Chimney knew how close Albert was to be a firefighter, and he knew that last week was the worst one. He feared what it would do to his brother. 

So one day, the stars aligned and Buck saw Albert during the noon in their loft. He did what he could to keep him there and called Chimney to get there, he knew that Albert needed his brother rather than anyone else at that moment. 

As soon as Chimney arrived, Buck left the building and both men could speak for the first time in a week and a half. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go straight to the point." Chimney huffed as he closed the door behind Buck. "What the hell is going on with you?" 

"Nothing." Albert lied, sitting on the couch with a beer in hand. 

"Don't you dare lie to me. I know you and this is not you, Al. Talk to me." Chimney walked to the couch and stood in front of his brother. 

Albert avoided his look and kept quiet. 

Chimney huffed. "Look, the EMT in charge of the basic health support and procedures class, Eli, called me yesterday. He was glad another Han would become a firefighter, but then he told me you weren't there." 

He crouched in front of his brother. "Albert, I don't know how or why, but if you don't want to be a firefighter anymore, just tell me. You don't need to avoid me, or Buck, for the record. Talk to me." 

"Well," Albert got up and stumbled with his feet. He gained composure and walked to the door. "I don't wanna be a firefighter. Now go away." 

Chimney flinched, "This is not you Albert, please..." 

"Well, what do you know about me, huh? We were apart for more than 20 years." Albert barked as he opened the door. 

"I'll come back." Chim said, walking outside. 

"Yeah, yeah." 

The door shut.

Chimney wanted to cry.

... 

"Chimney! Nice to see you around for once, but why are you here?" Eli happily exclaimed when he saw Chim walking through the academy's halls the next morning. 

"Hey Eli, it's nice to see you too brother." Chimney rolled his eyes fondly and hugged the man. 

After making the appropriate small talk Chimney spoke, "I actually came here to ask about my brother..." 

"Albert Han?" Eli asked and checked the clipboard he carried with him. "Uh, he hasn't come to my class in a week. Since the oxygen tank accident, actually." 

Chim's mind stopped racing after the last sentence. "Oxygen tank accident?" 

The EMS gave him an odd look. "Yeah... everyone here knows about it. He accidentally filled his partner's tank with monoxide and other gases from the O2 truck's engine." 

Chimney took his hands to his eyes, too much information entering his brain, Eli continued. "She passed away during training and hit her head, but apart from that and the toxic inhalation she was perfect." 

"Shit. Okay, I would remember if he told me that." Chim shook his head. "And he hasn't come in a week?" 

"Not to my classes." Eli said. "I thought that maybe you'd teach him for the exam, therefore he wouldn't come but... I know you, there's something more." 

"Yeah. Just- I need to talk to him. Could you make sure they don't... you know... kick him out?" 

"I'll do what I can." Eli answered sincerely. "Hey, it seems like almost getting kicked out is a Han thing now." 

Chim winced. He had been very close... which actually gave him an idea. 

"I gotta go, Eli, thanks for the... uh.. for everything!" Chim said, slowly tracking back. "Bye!" 

... 

Albert heard a knock on the door and groaned. 

He waited for whoever was there to give up and walk away, but the person kept insisting. 

"Open up Albert, I know you are there!" Chimney's voice sounded from the hall. 

"Ugh, go away!" Albert huffed as he took a bottle of beer from the fridge. 

"I'm not going away Albert. I'm going to stay here until Buck arrives or you open the door." 

"So stubborn." 

"Just like you." 

Albert thought of his options. He could either wait or let his brother in and drive him away in minutes and he would be alone again. 

He sighed as he opened the door. "Happy now?" 

"No. I need you to talk to me, Albert." Chimney got inside. "I know about the accident. It's not your fault, look-" 

"If you know, then you know it is my fault. She could have died. I could have killed her. It's not that I don't want to be a firefighter. I can't be one." Albert blurted out, his cheeks red from embarrassment. 

"Albert..." 

"And it's not just that- it's that every one of my written tests is marked only with an 80%, I can't seem to be there in time and then I almost killed one of my classmates, my friend. And- And I just- I feel like giving up." He took a swing of his beer. "And I did. Father was right, I am useless. And just like him, an alcoholic." 

He made a sad smile and continued drinking. 

"No, you are much more than that Albert." Chimney said, taking the bottle from his hand. "And you would make an amazing firefighter, don't ever doubt that." 

Albert rolled his eyes and huffed, making his way to the couch. Chim followed and sat on the coffee table in front of his brother. 

"Can I tell you a secret?" Chim asked after some seconds of silence. 

"Go ahead." 

"I almost got kicked out too." 

Albert scanned his expression. "You're lying." 

"The hell I'm not." Chim huffed. "Being a firefighter was the thing that kept me going for many years. Until I met Maddie. But, believe it or not, I almost got kicked out for not asking for help and being a jerk." 

"I was struggling in the written exams too. Almost failing, while Kevin got all 95s and 100s. I got jealous and was too proud to ask him for help. Then I started having problems with the higher levels. But one day..." Chimney smiled. "One day Chief Aadav Panikkar, yeah, Ravi's father, called me to his office. And he helped me." 

A tear slipped down Chimney's cheek. Albert ducked his head. 

"I wanna help you, Albert." 

"And, yeah, I'm gonna be realistic. You have little chance to graduate next week, but if we work hard and have a little luck, you will be able to." Chimney said, "And if you don't. Then you are going to kick ass with my help the next time you can apply to the academy. And we are going to AA. Okay? But we are going to do it together." 

Albert's lips contracted in a fine line. 

"Okay." When he looked up again, Chimney could see his eyes glowing with tears. "Thanks, Howie. I love you." 

Albert got up and waited for Chim to do the same and hugged him. 

"I love you too little brother," Chimney said, hugging his brother tightly. 

They had a long way ahead of them, but together they were strong enough to get through it. 

... 

Despite all their efforts, Albert couldn't complete the training the first time, and it hurt, not just to the Han brothers, but to the whole 118. 

Two weeks later they met with Bobby for a reunion with ex-alcoholics. 

Six months later, Albert finished his last physical test, and the 118 was on top of the exam building, waiting for him. 

He not only was in his official probationary year, but he learned that he had a family now. 

A family that was with him throughout all those hellish months. 

That was what the 118 was. Family.

[faeb1tch42069]

My thoughts on 9-1-1: Season 4 episode 8 (breaking point)

• the fact that this episode is called “breaking point” and the fact that it’s the mid season final I think is not making me feel great, but I know there’s drama on lone star so I’m hoping that means we get happy stuff here

• are they the same guys from the episode when they got sucked into the jet engine??

• I feel sorry for the flight attendant lady I would have cracked by now

• go her!!!!

• that did not sound good

• shit that does not look good

Buck focus on your patient

• Ayyyyy!!!! I was right!

• that dude deserves a serious insurance pay out

• that is one lucky guy

• I like Darrell friend

• “he will not quit” “I quit”

• what. The actual. Fuck Edmundo Diaz are you on a date with Christopher’s old teacher??!!!!!

• are they doing homework??

• he has buck!!

• buck??

• as much as I hate the fact they made Eddie and ana date, if it means more buck buck and Christopher time, I am all for it!

• is Albert still with Veronica

• I am not emotionally prepared for anything to go wrong with this baby

• a home birth? I mean it’s not like chimney hasn’t delivered a baby before

• the mother fuckin documentary lady!!!!!

• finally!! 9-1-1 actually making bets!

• buck has friends!!

• “jump jump jump jump” even Bobby has given up

• them using this for therapy time is awesome!

• please don’t make Buck and the news lady a thing again

• no no no no!!!!

• Maddie seems a bit stressed

• Athena not liking Maddie’s mum!!!!!!

• mum!Athena to the rescue!!

• Angela basset is one of my favourite actors, I’m glad she’s getting more screen time!

• Hans family is so cute I love them

• they have to adopt nia!

• ok something fishy is going on with this lady

• is there a body in the fridge?

• oh thank god there’s not a body there

• oh it’s in the walls instead

• he’s still alive??

• well at least she won’t have to see her husband in prison

• why they gotta do that to Christopher and Eddie?

• buck looks traumatised

• please tell me she’s there as friends?

• nope not friends

• this dinner is not going well

• yes friends??

• Christopher??

• where is Christopher??

• initiate protective dad mode

• oh thank god he’s with buck!

• yes!!!! Buck and Christopher hug!!

• someone give chimney a hug! Now!!

• she said I love you ☺️

• poor Taylor,

• 188 to the rescue!

• shit that’s not great

• but 188 fire fam helping out makes me happy

• Ayyy! Michael!!

• FRIENDS!! Yes I will take friends!

• domestic chimney and Maddie is exactly what I need before school starts

• yay! Albert and buck being friends again!

• shit Karen looks sad why?

• no!! Why the gotta mess up a happy ending?

• so clearly they are going for this ana and Eddie thing but the reasons most of the relationships on the show work is because they are all some form of first responder, Maddie and Chimney, Bobby and Athena, even Buck and Abby! They get loads of time together because of their jobs, that’s why we only see Karen when something big is going to happen, case in point this episode and last episode, Hen had a big decision to make . So I’m wondering how they’re gonna give Eddie and ana screen time together because it’s not gonna be like Athena or Maddie meeting up at a scene or knowing what’s going on as it happens and then have stuff to talk about. So I’m wondering how lone this will last

• also if you couldn’t tell I want buck and Eddie so I am a bit biased!

~animal time~

[himbo-buckley]

Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 4

Ciao, ragazzi,

i bims, die Kriz and I will be your tourguide today. (Yes, we’re on first name basis now, congratulations, kid, ya’ll earned it!)

Okay, so I rewrote this intro like 5 times by now. 3B has been so hard on me in a way that the rest hasn’t been. While I was writing 3A I had so many thoughts and ideas and conclusions from the get go, my main worry was to fit it all in and to make it coherent. And it took me a while to get there with 3B - but don’t worry, my friends, I did not disappoint and it is just as long as part 3, despite Tim Minear   personally coming to my home and vibe checking me for saying he had daddy issues. Which is fair, tbh. Sorry bro, I’ll stop calling you out like that. (No, I won’t.)

Also if you need a „quick“ refresher of what happened so far or you just forgot, here are:

part one - part two - part three

And also, the usual spiel:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta will so far have FIVE parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season, and have it organised by episode so you could technically follow along (which is still true), but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 had exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in three parts - there is part 3 which ends with the Christmas Episode, part 4 which spans what aired of 3B so far and the final part 5 which will include the final and my conclusion, if by then I am able to form thoughts again / still

Alright you guys, drumrolls please: part 4 (also called „*butterfly meme* Is this growth?“)

Episode 3.11:

I wanna be honest with ya’ll, Season 3B is sort of a mixed bag for me, because while yes, all the episodes have been great viewed separately, they just feel so … separate from each other, and with 3A having so many episode-spanning arks, it’s a bit of a letdown to return to the standalone episode format. Especially because it makes the whole two steps forward one step back thing so much more apparent as it feels like what happens in one episode has no consequence for the next. It felt a little like they burned through too much in 3A already and didn’t know where to go from there. Which is also true for me, so maybe I should stop judging.

Anyways, I’ll stop bringing the house down now.

Let’s continue with: Don’t you just love stan-ing two adorable, complicated badass firefighters? Yeah, me too.

Also, I wanna see the Doc again. Tim, can we? He could be friends with Frank? We could see them have tea and talk about those dumbasses at the firehouse? (And also legs, since, you know, Frank only has one?)

And also the bank guy, Harrison was fun. (This whole episode was.)

And I know it has nothing to do with Eddie or Buck or Intimacy or Sex (okay a little with those) but I do wanna point you to that damn meatball scene, because it’s so chaotic? First, why are all the ingredients laid out on the table but Maddie is making balls already only to then cover them in water? Look, I’m basically vegan (haha, how long do you think I’ve waited to shoehorn this in here) and haven’t cooked meat since I was … fourteen, probably? And even to me that just seemed wrong! Not to mention AFTER touching raw meat, Maddie only cleans her hands with a towel before opening the door? You used to be a nurse, Madeleine / Maddison! (Do we know her full name? I feel like we don’t.)

One thing I really love about 3B (so far) is how happy and settled my main man Edmundo Diaz is. It’s in the eyes, you guys! I don’t know if it’s a Ryan thing or a deliberate acting choice but whatever it is it translates well (haha, well, yeah, we’ll talk about that one later) into his character and it really makes you feel like Eddie is so much better. Like for all the analysis of Eddie I’ve been doing, I didn’t notice how much colder he grew since the beginning of Season 2 until this episode came and suckerpunched me with the warmth in his eyes. Good god, proceed with caution! Oliver could call me right now and say „Look, Buddie isn’t real, I just keep getting lost in Ryan’s eyes.“ and I wouldn’t even be mad, I’d just be like „How’d you get this number?“. (It was Tim, wasn’t it? Damn it, we talked about this, mate! I wanna meet his cat, not him!)

The episode doesn’t hold a lot of relevance in terms of this meta (aside from some parallels I’ll talk about in a moment) but I still want to discuss it a little bit because it means a lot to me. I just love Howard „Chimney“ Han with all my heart.

I wanna say something controversial now because we’re 500 words in and I feel like I haven’t made you regret reading my rambling yet, so here is controversial thought of the day #1: All these fucking characters are grey as fuck except Howie. Howie is good to the bone. He is the goodest boy. He is so gentle and sweet and non malicious and yes, I am including Evan in my list of grey characters because he pulled some SHIT! Okay, a little bit of shit. Things have been *implied*! (I don’t even know anymore. Maybe he’s just off-white or something.)

And what’s the worst my best friend Howard „Chimney“ Han has done on this show? Lied to his girlfriend a buncha times so she likes him better? I lie all the time. I just lied to my mother 5 minutes ago (Yes, Mom, I’m working on my thesis.)! And Howie just lied to make someone like him better. That’s not bad, that’s horrible self esteem!

Which brings me to another thing I wanna say because thank you, Jennifer Love Hewitt. If anyone from the cast gets to call me, it’s you, because you clearly had your thinking pants on when you took one look at Chimney and said: I want that one! You a real one and I will name check you on my way to heaven - not, that they’ll let me in, but the thought counts?

Now, lets talk about those parallels I mentioned before:

The Hans vs. the Buckleys.

Now, we still don’t know a lot about Mr. and Mrs. Buckley and what exactly made them bad parents (though I’m firmly team a little neglectful but not abusive) but we know a lot about Mr. Han.

One thing of the bat I wanna mention is that this episode confirms that Maddie at least had a hand in raising Buck - which doesn’t actually have to mean too much, because based on JLHs age, her relationship with Dough and the way their sibling relationship is played it’s safe to assume that Maddie is supposed to be between 5-10 years older than Buck (assuming she started nursing school after High School at around 18 / 19, which I think takes 4 years in the US? And she was an ER nurse for 8 years, making her AT LEAST 30 in Season 2, but considering how she emphasised that Buck noticed something was wrong with Dough even as a teenager and she met Dough at 19, I’m gonna assume Buck was younger then 16 because Dough won’t have shown his abusive tendencies right of the bat, so probably about 12 / 13, making Maddie like 6 years older than him? And since we DO have a definite age for Evan, Maddie is probably around 33 in Season 2 (which also works because they wanted to put her and Eddie in a relationship and Ryan Guzman is in his early 30 as well). And look, as the youngest child of two people I would call more than adequate parents I can tell you: older siblings always have a hand in raising you, especially when the age difference exceeds 4 years. One of my sisters is 5 years older than me and I was more scared of telling her about having a bad grade than I was of my parents, so…

Anyways, back to what is actually happening in the episode and how it both parallels and contrasts the Buckleys and Hans.

Like Maddie and Howie are the older siblings and Buck and Albert are the younger siblings, yet Buck and Howie are paralleled as are Maddie and Albert. Also, Howie resents his brother for the relationship he assumes Albert has with their father, but Maddie recognises that Buck probably had similar experiences growing up as she did. Of course one could argue that Howie and Albert never had a relationship before while Buck and Maddie grew up together, but look, Maddie was in an abusive relationship for quite a while and hadn’t been in contact with her brother for 3 years prior to Season 2 but it’s safe to assume they didn’t have too close of a relationship before that either, or the Buck we know would have gone to Maddie to investigate and find out why she dipped. So…

(Despite all of this, Maddie knew she could come to her brother for help in Season 2 meaning one, our boy is such a good boy always and the Buckleys can’t be all bad if Maddie knows she can count on her brother, meaning she didn’t think her parents screwed him up too much in the time since she moved out and gradually left his life. Just another thought.)

I also love how her firm believe in the strength and meaning of familial relationships triggers a shift in Howie. Please keep this in mind for when we discuss 3.16 in a few minutes, friends.

Also that kitchen scene has all my heart. They really said kitchens are a Buddie thing now, didn’t they? (Also from a non shipper perspective, Maddie and Buck are just the sweetest and for a TV show actually fairly realistic siblings. At least if I compare them to my siblings and I.)

Also in terms of the actually topic of my meta’s: this is our first indicator that Eddie considers the 118 his family. And we have another moment of Chimney seeking reassurance / being open with Eddie. I love that they have a friendship like that. (He was so excited about meeting Chimneys brother as well. A little bit puppy and like another reason why Evan and him are friends. (As if we need more)) Also love that Eddie is secure enough to voice these feelings!

(Eddie really does seem so healed in this episode? So open? And happy? Damn, Frank, you know your shit! My man had some growth.)

Now, for some sidenotes to round off this episode, because I have some and I wanna share them:

On the Buckley parents, I think the episode wants to imply that they had plans for Buck? Maybe career wise? Because in the pool scene he says something along the lines of: „Sometimes you have to put / get a little distance“ and since it’s been implied that Buck is also from Pennsylvania or somewhere close by, we can assume that he was talking about himself here. Like he moved all the way across the continent.

I’m also just gonna throw out a prediction for Season 4: since Nia is only a foster child and like 2 years old, it’s safe to assume that she has been only recently taken in. While I do not know the US-Foster system, I do have some knowledge about the German system, so I’ll just predict that either one or both of the birth parents try to get their child back.

Or they just sort of forget about all of this by Season 4.

And I really really really dislike the cancer storyline and how the show is handling it, at least in this episode, specifically in regards to May, who in my opinion, has been both written and treated by the show as someone younger than 18 here, only for the show to then turn around and go all: wow, such an adult, look how wise she is. So awesome. Like nah, son! 3A has shown that she is much maturer than she was treated in this episode.

And Eddie finally got to say „seen this before“ again. I feel like he says that a lot. Should I start a counter for that too or do ya’ll just wanna think about him naked for a bit? (I know, you guys, I know! Should I befriend someone who can make me a bunch of gifs of shirtless Eddie I can pepper in every time we get to heavy around here?)

Episode 3.12:

Ah, yes, „Fools“! The one episode I have to say I can not look at without wearing my shipper goggles. So be warned.

Which is why I’m gonna start with the elephant in the room: Ana Flores.

Now, I’ve seen (and maybe liked / reblogged / queued / drafted (Idk anymore, I’m up to 600 posts in my drafts, 300 in my queue and like 300 liked / reblogged already)) an interview with Ryan Guzman where he talks about Ana and how he isn’t sure yet wether they are heading for romance and how it needs someone incredibly badass to get through Eddie’s defences, because Eddie is barely over his wife’s death and yeah, that!
Look, if you’re here, I’m gonna assume you have read the other three parts of this „meta“ and therefore know that I am a proud member of the Shannon Diaz - defense squad and will fight anyone who says a bad word about her. And you will also know that I attribute most of the stupid things Eddie did in 3A to the fact that Shannon died. So there. All caught up.

Now, as for Ana Flores herself (and I’m writing this after 3.16, so who knows what happens next): She might be in Season 4 (I think the interview said something about it or she tweeted something) but I don’t think it has been confirmed yet? So considering what Ryan said they probably won’t end up in a relationship by the end of Season 3 (again, please remember when I am writing this).

I’m not gonna comment on the actress aside from saying, damn, I wish that were me! Other than that? I don’t really care about actors unless I think they are hot and then it’s more of a: uiiii, me like-y. (Madeleine Patch, call me!)

As for the actual scenes, well, I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand side, as I’ve said before, I work with children and the idea of dating the father of one of my babies is just plain wrong to me. So there is that. Morally speaking that storyline would be trash. (And very OOC for Mr. „My son needs to be protected above all“)

Then of course there is what’s actually happening between them which, one, from the get go she seems to not reciprocate Eddie’s advances (he keeps telling her to call him Eddie, she keeps calling him Mr. Diaz). Also that whole speech about horses? Yeah, I know you’re an english teacher but ähm, what? (Put it on the list, Tim, I need answers!)

To sum it up (and explain why I brought up Shannon aside from how much I like her), I don’t think it’s headed for a romance quite yet? They may be playing the slowburn game, but I think it was more like Ali in Season 2. Because as @greyhello pointed out to me in Part 2, Ali might have been there to show us that Buck was ready for a commited relationship and it had never been Abby that made him like that, just as Ana is here to tell us: hey, Eddie is finally accepting his wife’s death and maybe, possibly, some time in the near future, ready to date again. Probably. We’ll see.

Aside from that, I actually think a little crush could be something healthy and healing for Mr. control issues. But, again, we’ll see.

So, elephant addressed. Now let’s move on.

Sidenote: I feel like the parent-teacher conference made Eddie really regret so many of his life decisions. Someone needs to tell Buck so he can make a million puns from here on out and drive Eddie crazy.

(Sidenote: Carla said „big blue eyes“! You know who has big blue eyes? Ah, now I’m just clowning.)

Now this episode returns to the Season 2 formula of giving Eddie and Buck similar storylines:

Because while Eddie meets someone he could potentially be interested it, Buck is also made aware of his single status and the fact that he hasn’t dated in a while.

I do think Buck’s stance in this episode was both curious and familiar. Familiar because it reminded me a lot of Eddie in 2.04 and I think, just like Eddie did before Shannon came back, right then Buck is closing himself off from making connections, be they physical or emotional, because he got hurt too much.

Which is why I call it curious. Because I can not decide wether I consider his behaviour growth or a step back. In Eddie it would definitely be a step back, but in Buck who had been so willing to take any chance for physical intimacy just for the sake of a connection in Season 1 to now at least seem somewhat settled in himself and comfortable with what he has does feel a little like growth? (Then again 3.16 shows us he is just scared of getting hurt again, so probably just covering up is depression.)

Also, again with the kitchen! That puts us at five (?) scenes of Buddie talking about each other or with each other in a kitchen setting (six, if you count 3.03). Now I’m probably clowning myself real hard right now, but whatever!

But I do wanna point out how comfortable Eddie and Buck are discussing Eddie’s parenting struggles, which just shows how much he trusts him.

Now I know, I myself have made a textpost about Eddie discussing his parenting struggles with literally anyone, but ya’ll know I was kidding, right? It isn’t actually true. In canon he talks with exactly 5 people about Christopher:

They are Christopher’s therapist in „Triggers“, Carla, Hen, Lena … and Buck.

Now, here comes something interesting: For Carla and therapist, it is literally their job to help Eddie with his parenting struggles, but all the other scenes? Connected to Buck. Yeah. That.

Look, the Hen scene in the Christmas episode literally involves Buck and as I’ve said both Eddie’s and Buck’s reaction here heavily implied that Eddie has had a conversation with Buck about his fight with Chris before telling Hen all about it.

As for Lena, again, she is *literally* there as a substitute for Buck. She uses his locker. Her name is taped over his - and that is actually such a nice visual, that I wanna talk about it real quick, because I’ve seen it called disrespectful a few times and I don’t agree.

One, the fact that they left the „B“: funny af, someone from set dressing is probably laughing themselves silly about this and is allowed to call me now; also a constant reminder who’s locker and place she is actually occupying. Also how she can never really fully replace him, she can’t cover the hole he left fully, he is always there, lurking.

Two, the fact that it is tape: tape is slightly see through. It is temporary and easily removed. Tape is just a quick, momentary fix. Tape can be taken off / away without effort.

So to sum it up: There’s no one he trusts more with his son.

Which is also why Buck is there at the end: because Buck is who Eddie trusts. Buck is who Eddie goes to when he’s struggling as a father. Buck is who Eddie wants by his side cheering Chris on. I mean, they are literally pushing him together while Carla films (stands on the sidelines, ready to help as needed, but not fully a part of their family unit).

So, to go back to the elephant in the room? Right now I’m not at all worried about Ana Flores.

On another note it’s also one of the last real Buddie scenes we got in 3B so far and while I do understand that there just wasn’t any storyline for them to do such a scene organically, I am very worried about what it could mean. Because I still remember when Teen Wolf stopped putting Tyler H and Dylan in scenes together because people kept screaming queerbaiting.

I don’t want that to happen here. I love Buddie and what it could represent but I’ve also written too much about their respective characters AND their connection by now to disregard how meaningful they ALREADY are and how important even as a platonic pairing they are. Because they make each other so much better and proof that straight man can have deep connection with each other and how two flawed people can help each other heal in a way that I don’t think any other relationship in this show shows.

Back to the episode, though. The ark between Christopher and Eddie here is truly beautiful and I love the way we see Eddie growing as a parent. And I think the show wrote those scenes so well and they felt truly natural and were incredibly important, both for Eddie and Christopher.

I do think, as much as I love Christopher always being Eddie’s number one priority, no matter who Eddie ends up dating (yes, even if he dates Buck) we need to see a bit of a shift here. (Also, just in general, because Christopher will grow up, even if he’ll never be as independent as a fully abled bodied child might someday be.)

Eddie needs to learn to let go of control and of Christopher a bit. Look, a partner will never come before Christopher for Eddie (unless Chris is like in his 40s and has moved out and is living his own life. And even then it’ll be close.) but in order for anyone to ever fit into his life he needs to make a little space at the top and that includes taking away a bit from Christopher.

(Also just selfcare reasons, you guys, parents need to learn that it’s okay to sometimes think about themselves! And we already saw Eddie break once cause it became too much, how easy do you think that can happen again?)

Sidenote: We all know Buck built that, right? He’s been shown again and again to have some mechanical / maschinary (?) understanding plus fairly interesting problem solving skills.

Episode 3.13:

I love the locker room scene. Firstly, it’s a definite reminder that these three have bonded a lot and it’s such a sweet familial scene.

Also Eddie’s advice: yet another hint that he’s healing from Shannon’s death.

Compare it 3.08 and the conversation Bobby had with Eddie. There are no definite callbacks or anything like it, but it is very very very obvious that Eddie is talking about his dead wife here. Who he told he loves her in her last moments. So there.

Now, as for the healing part, could you imagine 3A!Eddie saying something like that to anyone?

Even in 3.03 or 3.06 with Buck, the person he lets himself be the most vulnerable with, there are still always terms and conditions with his words.

He trust no one more with his son, which, okay, is what the scene was about and what has the highest priority in his life but still, his trust isn’t bound to himself, it’s bound to his son, not to himself, not something he has in general for Buck, but something he has for Buck in regards to his son - that Eddie trusts Buck with himself is only ever implied.

He forgives him - „also what it means to be a part of a team“. Eddie sort of impersonalises his forgiveness here, he doesn’t forgive him because he’s Buck and he’s Eddie, he forgives him because they are part of the same team.

With Eddie there is always a wall.

But here in the locker room there isn’t. It’s just: if you love her, tell her, cause you might not get another chance - Eddie certainly doesn’t have another chance to tell Shannon.

And okay, you might say, isn’t that kind of a condition as well? Saying ‚I love you‘ because tomorrow isn’t promised? And sure, it kind of is. But Eddie’s also basically saying: once upon a time I told my wife, who art now in heaven, that I loved her as she was dying and then I got real mad at her and the world after because she left me and she was planning to leave me anyways and now I’m here and I’m over that and I’m just glad I got to tell her ‚I love her‘ one last time. I’m no longer angry.

Growth, you guys.

Episode 3.14:

I feel like the writers read some of ya’ll’s Buddie fanfiction, realised how it mischaracterised the relationship between Buck and Chimney gets and said: not on my watch!

In other words: If Eddie and Buck are different sides of the same coin, Buck and Chimney are the same sides of different coins. They share so many traits and experiences!

Now, this episode. Man, you guys, it really has me stumped. Part of me thinks it doesn’t have relevance and part of me keeps going back because it thinks it does?

Oh man, you guys, I’m lost. I don’t know.

All right, executive decision: no relevance, just another drop on the breakdown-stone that is 3.16.

Someone please tell my man’s boy they need him!

Episode 3.15:

Fun fact to start ya’ll off: this was only the second episode I watched somewhat live being a little new to town and the first I saw without spoiling myself on tumblr. So it has a special place in my heart any way you look at it.

(But then again this episode also involves several of my nightmares: drowning! being below earth! Being in small enclosed spaces! Being buried alive! Huge amounts of mud that will not leave your clothes and fingernails for the next six hundred years!)

Also, uhm, did I say „Fools“ was the *one* episode I could not look at without shipper goggles? So I’m contradicting myself. It happens. Move on. (Yeah, or repress it and join a fight club! Also name check me with your therapist, please! We may have breakdowns but we do them healthy around here!)

Because these fuckers went off! Whew! I’m serious, after watching the episode I sent a clip of that scene to my roommate and asked to rate how platonic this was. Which she did not. Because she doesn’t know math, apparently. - My point is, she sees it and she doesn’t know the show.

In other news this episode convinced me Oliver is pulling an Andrew Robinson (and yes, I know he said it was in the script but then Andy also followed the script, so…).

Sidenote: Eddie is the oldest, right? Damn, for some reason I thought he was the middle child. He has big middle child energy.

(Also why they namedrop Galveston like that? I googled it an it’s just a town? Why, Tim, why?) (At this point he is just torturing me, I know it. This feels personal.)

Anyways, this episode, you guys! I have thoughts! (And they are very hard to put in order so please excuse any jumping around at this point.)

The birthscene is great and can we just for a moment think about 25 year old Eddie hugging his mother in law so very lovingly? He’s so happy here. So soft. (Also I’m about to turn 25? I would not be able to deal with being married right now either?)

And yes, this episode confirms that Eddie has killed people, and while I know it was selfdefense, I just, it’s very weird to me because these characters have become so real to me, so to see one of them kill without a care is kinda off-putting. (This is why I will always consider Eddie grey and why I can never consider Buck white - because he had been planning on joining the Seals meaning he had to consider the possibility of killing and has probably learned to kill (Do you think that’s why he’s so non aggressive? because he knows he could take everyone down?))

I’m just gonna come out and say it: anyone who says Eddie isn’t impulsive has not watched this show. In fact I’d even say he is more impulsive than Buck.

Yes, Buck will do weird and dumb shit on a whim because the thought just crossed his mind and it sounds good and he doesn’t think about the consequences, but just does it. (I could make a case that our boy has ADHD but this is not what this meta is about)

But Eddie? Eddie is impulsive in his reactions. Everytime he is in distress (emotional not physical) he stops thinking about consequences and just starts reacting. Especially if it’s about a child!

Shannon is pregnant - lets sign up for the army.

Our child has a developmental disorder - lets stay in the army.

My parents want to take away my child - lets move halfway across the country.

(Not allowed to talk to your best friend? - lets go streetfighting.)

Eddie probably thinks these things through to a point and he mostly has a plan, but he is so reactionary. He is like a raw nerve and that’s what makes him impulsive.

It’s why, instead of letting them pull him out enough until he can radio, Eddie cuts the fucking line. Because this is a child, this could be Christopher and Eddie needs to be enough to save him.

(Are you crying yet?)

I’m not gonna talk about Afghanistan except to say: ah, Eddie. My man, you are enough! Always!

(But maybe that was his guilt over killing talking? Maybe he does feel bad?)

Also why did the woman emphasis ‚Staff Sergeant‘ like that? Was that an indicator that Eddie got promoted?

Also Eddie the fucking boy scout / alter boy / goody goody two shoes trying to get up because of a superior office despite lying in a hospital bed (and not even having been cleaned from his blood yet, urgh that’s gotta itch!)

Sidenote: in light of 3.16: do you think Eddie still talks to Mills, Binder, Norwahl and what all their names are or do you think that would be too hard for him? I’m leaning toward not talking but I really liked Mills (she reminded me of Buck and Lena, tbh.)

And now, for our regular scheduled program: Shannon and Eddie.

First of all I loved all of it. I loved that we could really understand why Shannon left. I love how much they clashed but still had those little moments of recognition.

And look: The juice box scene was very rough. Eddie is likely currently suffering from PTSD, definitely having a culture shock and here is his wife who is barely holding on as well and she just wants to leave, she can’t deal anymore and both of them are so desperate and wow, just wow. Kudos Ryan and kudos Devin Kelley, I’m sad we won’t see you again, but I do hope I’ll see you somewhere else one of these days!

I’ve talked about their relationship a lot already, so I’m not sure if I have any fresh takes but I will remind you of a few you already know:

Eddie is not in love with Shannon after Afghanistan (haven’t decided yet if he was in love with her in the birth scene)

Shannon *needed* Eddie to open up to her just as much as she needed to be open with her

Eddie was not able to be emotionally intimate with his wife

they cared about each other very very much and I do think they tried

they are family (remember what I said in part 2 about Eddie talking to the 118 about Shannon? This here proof that he definitely defended her actions at some point to them as well)

Shannon was in an impossible situation with her mother and a special needs child and likely burned out and just … she needed someone to have her back, which Eddie couldn’t because he himself was suffering from PTSD at that point

I’m still mad as fuck, they killed her off! If they give Eddie any other endgame romance that isn’t Buddie without like two seasons buildup after killing off HIS WIFE I will riot!

Which brings me to Eddie and his parents which was rough, you guys!

Look, as someone who worked with children I can see where his parents are coming from in that scene but also wow, just wow.

How cold and insensitive and fuck, no wonder someone is repressed as shit, that was horrifying and I really can’t talk about this more than to say this hurts and also explains too much about Eddie. (Can we have the locker room three bonding about having horrible parents in Season 4, please, Tim? And can Buck come too? We could do it at the loft?)

As for his conversation with Christopher, obviously it was cute as fuck and also I love how he began the conversation talking to his child like every adult male I have ever met talking to a kid about something he knows will go over it’s head („It’s like we’re talking about completely different people.“). (Okay, maybe not just adult males. Maybe we all talk like that around children sometimes. I know I do.)

I really liked how they reinforced once again that Eddie wasn’t a natural at being a dad (compare how he holds his son to season 1 Buck who most definitely knows how to handle a child (And now I’m wondering if him being good at it was always planned or a „Oliver did a great job the first time we had him interact with a child so we decided to make it a trait“-thing. Damn you, Tim, for making me think so much!)) but became good at it because he was willing to learn and he cared! Dads of the world (also Moms, we aren’t all super duper either) take note!

That being said the conversation also left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth because, one, it felt a little petulant of Eddie to turn around and leave for LA, the way it was presented here and two, Christopher at that point didn’t understand yet what Eddie was actually asking him about and it felt a bit like manipulation. Please everyone, do not consider a conversation like that consent from a child. Any adult can get a child that age to say anything they want because children just want to be liked (It’s why when children are involved in criminal proceedings it’s so hard to interview them because children follow every suggestion because they think this is what the adults want them to say.).

Now, let’s talk about puppy!boy for a second!

In 1.05 Buck tells Abby: „no one is good when it’s personal“ - well guess what buddy boys, this one is very personal for one Evan ‚Buck’ Buckley, thank you very much, that boy is losing it.

Okay, let’s compare it to the episode before and then two episodes later:

Now, obviously the situation with Maddie was a little different. Mainly because this was a hostage situation and he realised (because Seal training, remember?) that there wasn’t a lot he could do to help her right then but then again … neither was there in Season 2 when Maddie was in danger and he still acted far more frantic in the car with Athena than he did here? Like the only stupid thing he did was drive a little dangerously this time?

And of course, two episodes later we see Bobby react when Athena is in danger and while we don’t see him be frantic we do see him get ready to kill someone, so, yeah!
 It could of course be inconsistent writing or deliberate to keep the attention and worry more on the people in the call centre but since they haven’t pulled anything like that before I’m leaning more into my clowning.

I mean, we also have to consider that Buck was Eddie’s lifeline here, he was supposed to be the one to get him out, so he feels extra responsible but then again we have Hen make this comment about having two cut lines, which of course says that Hen thinks that one: whatever reason Eddie had to cut his line will definitely be considered a just as valid reason by Buck to cut his line but also: BUCK WOULD DECIDE TO DIE DOWN THERE WITH EDDIE. Sorry for the yelling, but no, I do not think Buck acted out of character in 3.14.

(Which is very irresponsible, you guys. You are fathers! What happens to Christopher when ya’ll die in a well somewhere in fictional California? I can not live in fictional California! I will not be taking care of your child, Buddie! Figure it out yourself! No. We are done here! This conversation is over!)

(Okay, not quite, because I actually don’t think that would be realistic! More realistic: Buck giving Eddie his harness so he can get pulled out first and then dying down there alone.)

Like I’ve said in the at the beginning: Oliver might be pulling an Andrew Robinson. It might have just been the way they thought Buck would act if he lost Eddie while being responsible. It might have been fever making him delirious (which, btw, kudos! Because you can hear how sore his throat was and omg, that shirt hurt!)

Never mind I found the heavy focus on Buck in an episode about Eddie fairly curious - which is why now it’s video-talk time!

First: I will not bear Shannon slander around here! Yes, she was in way less scenes than Buck, but the actress also was never a main character, so ya’ll need to remember there are like 2 scenes of them as a family. And they probably didn’t have the time, money and energy to film some just for a montage - especially considering that the three of them have hardly been a family together, because first Eddie was gone and then Shannon, so…

But yes, we do have to admit that Buck was in most scenes, and yes, we do have to consider the implications of this which are: Buck is definitely a vital member of the Diaz family and when Eddie says: I’m always gonna come home to my family, this now includes Buck and I hope we see him tell him that at one point in the final cause I need him to!

And then of course there is also the radio scene in the beginning (which lead to one of my proudest tumblr-moments to date in form of this post!) which did ease us into the concept of Bucky-boy being a member of the Diaz family! So it is canon now?!

One thing I wanna point out about the school scene in the end in regards to this is that little boy’s question. Sure they used it as transition to calling Christopher his good luck charm but, uhm, why did they have Buck ask about it in the beginning then? Why have this sort of unnecessary callback to the beginning of the episode unless they want us to remember Buck?

Something to ponder for the next week, I think.

Also the episode sort of reinforced my believe that we don’t really have to worry about Ana Flores. Sure, this scene was also a chance for Eddie to redeem himself in front of a teacher he screamed at just a few weeks prior but the only interaction they had was her asking that question at the end and Eddie hardly looked at her.

(Also, if they really wanted to reinforce Eddie being interested in her, they could have had Carla make a dig about it in the beginning, even with Christopher there, but they didn’t, which to me confirms that they don’t really know what to do with her yet.)

At least Ryan was finally taking his shirt off again, I know that’s like catnip for ya’ll.

Episode 3.16:

One thing that really confuses me is how many people seem to think this episode points out only how important romantic relationship are and I don’t see that?

I mean, I see that it’s one of the points that is being made but I don’t think it’s the only possible reading of this episode.

To me it was about connection and family more than anything.

It begins actually with Eddie (the person most connected to Buck) being the first person to decline Buck’s invite, not in favour of spending time with a romantic partner, but because he has a prior commitment with his son! (And several other people, including, but not limited to, at least 2 other nine year olds. For Eddies sake I hope less than 5 or that Carla is around because he is a single father and children unionise by nature.)

And it continues with Buck by forming a connection to Red and then bonding with Maddie.

And can I just say, before we delve more into all of this, how proud I am of Evan „Buck“ Buckley after this episode? Just look at him!

This is Buck at his lowest, lower even than during the lawsuit, because back then he had something to fight against, which he doesn’t have here. Because he can’t stop other people from leaving him (that is the whole point of the episode after all) and what does he do? Instead of going full on Buck 1.0 and just finding the nearest interested person to form a meaningless physical connection with to substitute for the lacking emotional intimacy he craves so much, he goes to a bar alone and befriends an old man. And spends the rest of the episode bonding with him. And bonding with his sister. And addressing his issues, both with his sister and his family. That is huge!

(Which is why I’ve decided him not wanting to date? Symptom of his deeper issues, yes, but also a sign of growth.)

And I’ve seen some people on my dash talk about how, compared to most other 911 episodes, this episode has a fairly bleak ending, which one I agree with, two think is actually a theme with Buck centric episodes, but three don’t actually mind / think is a bad thing? It’s fairly realistic after all.

To get personal one second: I remember being a very idealistic 20-year old intern working in the foster system five years ago and my mentor, who was less than 10 years older than me but fairly badass teaching me something that technically is a well known proverb but that I, a idealistic 20-year old, had not actually understood until I worked there and saw it myself: manchmal muss man den Karren an die Wand fahren  - translation: sometimes you have to let the trolley drive into the wall, which means sometimes you have to let things play out till it’s natural end before you can help. Or to use an english proverb: Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom.

And this is what I’m thinking - no, hoping - is happening here. Because, look, you don’t just solve like 20 or more years of abandonment issues in one episode and considering what a big part of Buck’s character from the moment we met him they have been, that would have been unsatisfying to watch anyways!
What we need right now, in terms of Buck’s storyline is catharsis. A cleansing. Buck needs to get to his worst (which I think he did or he will, once he talks to Abby) before he can begin to get better, can begin to heal, can begin to learn that he is not alone. And that is not a bad thing!

And yes, I know our boy is suffering and we along with him because we all love Evan Buckley to death but sometimes you gotta let things break so you can fix them instead of just putting tapes over the holes you see (haha, see what I did there?).

As for the episode, here we go:

I wanna start with something else real quick which is Hen’s subplot which I found important. Because they addressed that hey, she went through a trauma not to long ago as well and maybe she is not as okay with it as we thought?

Also it shows Bobby’s double standard again, but then I think he would have reacted differently if the guy had died and it was evident Hen realised she should never pull a stunt like that again. And maybe I’m giving Bobby a bit to much credit right now. Urgh.

I do wanna say, while Chimney seemed fine at the end with what went down we did see his reaction in the next episode and honestly he is mad, it’s just that Hen is his best friend and Chimney lives on the principle of forgive and forget so there.

Now I do really like the rope rescue scene because it was badass and also because Eddie seems so done in the beginning and Bobby just looks at him like: well, he’s not doing it alone and he’s probably not gonna cut his rope!

(Also notice how Eddie cut his rope willingly but Buck’s was cut for him? What does that mean? - For reals, I may see the connection but I can’t yet make out the meaning.)

But I did appreciate Hen’s comments about them being their best guys a lot! I kind of want an episode like they used to do on Star Trek were they focus on background characters and give us the way everyone probably sees Buddie as some kind of superhuman supermen who pull the craziest stunts and somehow make it!
And now, let’s get into Evan!

First of, I now Cindy was meant as a parallel to Abby but I also think to Ali because Abby didn’t leave because she couldn’t handle the fear but Ali did. So there, a sort of Ali Martin mention! Thanks for listening, Tim.

But of course with everything else Cindy is quite the parallel to Abby from the way she just left and Red never really got closure, just like Buck.

What is interesting though is that Red, different to Buck, doesn’t want closure. He wants to remember the good times and imagine what could have been. (This could of course be due to the fact that his life is about to end.)

Buck on the other hand side really craves closure, and look, I know when we first learned she is definitely coming back I was really unhappy about that, but since then we learned they run into each other which makes it fine to me. Because I thought we’d have another instance of Buck running after Abby for validation and I did not want that. But he’s not actually running after her, it’s just a coincidence so I’m happy for him getting a chance to have closure, finally.

And this is were I think the episode proofs that it’s not about romantic love as the only way to be fulfilled, first because after talking about Abby Buck asks „Do you think I’m lonely?“ which is not about romance at all (had they wanted to make it about love it would have been: „Do you think I’ll find love again?“ or something). Also the conclusion of this episode is Maddie telling Buck he is different to Red because he has her (and in general those scenes between them, yes, they were also about Abby because she was another person Buck has been left by but just like they mention a best friend in terms of people Maddie left behind it is not about the romantic aspect, it is about people he loves in general), because he has a sister and she won’t leave him again - so there, familial love! The pinky swear! The importance of family. (see 3.11)

Also had it really been about love you know what would have happened since then? We’d have seen Buck calling Abby! Maddie would have said something about Buck still being young and having time to meet someone! Instead Abby and Buck run into each other by accident and Maddie makes a pinky swear to never leave again, so yeah, I just think sometimes we need to wait for how stuff plays out before we judge.

Now of course I wanna mention the pool scene as well.

Firstly, I know we already traced a lot of what Buck says at the end back to Eddie and the grocery store but did ya’ll here Chimney say: „Seems like your making this about yourself“ and Bobby implying the same thing, so yeah, I wonder if it was them quoting Eddie or if this is what everyone is supposed to be thinking or if it was just a setup for the breakdown at the end.

Also let’s talk about Eddie real quick here, because I found it really weird that they didn’t reference his platoon from Afghanistan here? Like they could have easily have him say „I’m not in the army anymore but I still talk to my old platoon.“, especially since we MET them one episode before. So either they didn’t think of that, they wanted to reinforce the fear Buck has or Eddie may just be as lonely as Buck?

(Guess which way I’m leaning?)

(Look, children are great but they are no substitute for friends and adult conversation, just saying!)

But I love how hard Mr. Stoic and emotionally unavailable tries to reassure Buck, tries to be there for him. And also did ya’ll notice how, once Eddie speaks for the first time Buck’s focus never strays from him. Hen and Chimney and Bobby talk as well but it seems as if Buck never looked away from Eddie. (Which, definitely get that, he looked good here.) Also how Buck stresses the “That better not happen to us“ - man, what conversation could he be referencing? Man, I wish I had memorised this show by now so I could tell you about two scenes that happened in 3A between Buddie where the topic of us was emphasised a lot but alas I don’t and I can’t.

What the pool scene also proofs once more is that the 118 just like an actual family has a lot of communication issues because Hen and Chimney not being in contact with Tommy or so is a completely different situation but because of their bad communication they don’t realise that this is something they need to explain to Buck because they think this is about Red.

Bobby doesn’t get it either tbh.

But we all know who does, look, I said it about 3.03 and I’ll say it now: Eddie knows Buck. Eddie understands Buck. And Eddie is on the path of realising that Buck needs him to say the actual words and not just let his actions speak!
And my my if all of this pays off I will be one happy camper! (Hums Rihanna “We found love in a hopeless place”)

On a sidenote I hate that Red pegged Buck as a hothead because he really really isn’t! He’s just excitable and sometimes struggles with expressing himself and that frustrates him!

Also I never noticed the apartment had an outside area? did we know this? There is a grill?

Also really would love to see Gigi / Dana Strattford again, I liked her, she’s pretty! (But not like to date one of my guys, Tim, kay?)

(Also whats Officer Williams up to these days? Asking for … a friend?)

And to round this episode up: Oliver still looked so sick at times and they put a lot more makeup on him than they normally do? Usually you can see the slight scaring on his face but this episode you couldn’t but you could see the tears / snot mixing with all the makeup when he was crying and honestly, not his best look! (He still makes it work, though! Just saying, I miss 1.02 / 3.02 / 3.03 Buck, I know these episodes hurt but visually they are peak!)

Episode 3.17:

Was that episode amazing? Yes.

Am I still cackling about Oliver Stark having too much leg? Yes.

Did I love the Frank mention with all my heart? Yes.

Was Michael’s meet cute in an elevator less gay than any Buddie scene we got so far specifically any in 2.01 also known as their meet-ugly? That was a rhetorical question, you guys.

As for that comment I wouldn’t put too much stock into it. I mean, if you’re a single guy and you get invited out to fifth wheel at a double date with your sister and her boyfriend and his best friend and her wife, no matter how close you are, you will feel awkward so of course you invite the other single guy who happens to be your best friend who happens to be part of the friendgroup AND the team you’re working with making this a definite team/family/work - outing.

That being said: it took me 23h to come up with a reasonable explanation for this comment and I did scream at my laptop and pause the episode after it was made and I have been thinking “Buddie” confirmed about 100 times since then!

Also, they just spent a shit ton of time together, right? Like, if Buck’s there than so is Eddie and if Eddie is there than so is Buck and I’m clowning and not calm anymore!

Maybe “Buck invites Eddie” can be our always?

In other news this episode has absolutely no relevance for anything, but I love it deeply.

And we made it you guys! It was slower going but it worked!

Thank you to everyone who read so far and thank you to everyone who has been liking and reblogging and commenting! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to express how much this means to me!

(Also please keep doing that! I too am an excitable puppy looking for validation!)

Now, to tag:

@angelcamael, @greyhello, @ipleiade, @the-family-we-choose-118 @chimbuckleys @sevensoulmates

[lachlann-macnab]

Task #16 Jukebox Musical/TV or Movie Soundtrack: come up with a playlist of at least 10 songs, write a scene summary to go with each one. Disclaimer under the cut.

Disclaimer: I, once again, decided to abuse the system. Nowhere on the prompt does it say that the scenes have to be related to a character I have, that's why I present to you: "The prompt, but short stories done with characters Jean would love to write but doesn't have the time to actually have".

Also, weeb rights.

*King  (English cover) -Will Stetson John Kingsbury 

Watch your back no warning warning Taking all my stress there's only just one thing to do Brace yourself for all my love's attack now Left side right side Bear your fangs it's time to fight Pa - pa - pa parade in shame tonight Left side. Right side. Bear your fangs and come alive Pa- pa - pa, Hah! You are king!

Mother always did like Richard best. 

Screw that, everyone always did like Richard best, even John liked his brother more than he liked himself. Even so, when he had been declared MIA during a mission with The Order, John quickly became the first option (the only option) for everyone -he was on cloud nine.

His new comrades didn't quite like him, but John didn't quite mind since he'd make sure that by the end of that year they'd be kneeling to him. Just  like he'd make sure that Richard never, ever came back, even if that meant making allies with a certain policeman and some Magicks whose information he'd make sure to erase from The Order's databases.

Pa, pa- pa Hah! He was (finally) King!

*La mer - Julio Iglesias cover  Basil Rathbone 

Mrs. Judson would have never expected to hear Julio Iglesias, of all things, coming from the flat. It was a strangely cheerful song for someone like Basil to hear, being the snob (not only musical, but general snob) he'd always been.

She was unsure about whether she really wanted to open the door, suddenly afraid of what she might find on the other side. Sometimes Basil would be immersed reading files upon files upon files, sometimes he would be languishing on the sofa while staring blankly at the roof, sometimes he would be walking around while talking to himself in a very obvious bout of mania -he was a wild card, that Basil, and the fact that she simply couldn't guess what he'd do next always worried her.

Worried as she was, she opened the door.

She found Basil staring at the portrait that hung just above the chimney, just...watching it. 

"I have always quite admired Le Carré's works" Basil merely said, without even looking at Mrs. Judson and instead keeping his attention on his own personal Karla while the song went on and on, silently hurting in all of the right places.

*Everybody loves me - OneRepublic  Kuzco Apaza

Get down, Swaying to my own sound Flashes in my face now All I know is everybody loves me Everybody loves me

Kuzco was on a roll. 

He felt the stares as he made the street his personal catwalk and kept (very loudly) chatting with his lawyers on the other side of the phone. The sun was shining surprisingly strongly that day (surprisingly for that side of the world, that is), it's rays hit his jewelry and clothes and made him shine almost as strongly as the star itself.

There was no way anyone could ignore him. And he couldn't blame them -he was fabulous! A gift of the gods themselves, almost as brilliant as the sun and twice (no, thrice) as charming!

...and he was shouting his plans to build a waterpark on Atlantis Lake. And, sure, people didn't seem to love the idea quite yet, but...?

At least they were staring. And they'd eventually learn to love him.

*Dramaturgy (English cover) - Will Stetson Hans Westergård 

All alone now no one’s looking, act out in greed deceiving all their eyes But there’s no real me that You’ll find if you believe and I can’t find a single role that showed what’s really there to see

He caught the eyes of his reflection by accident.

Hans had tilted his head and his eyes had almost immediately found his own reflection against the showcases, making him forget about his date (what was her name again? He couldn't, for the life of him, remember that but he certainly did remember how much her net-worth was and which medicines she needed to take at what hours of the day, just like her previous beau had needed to do before the "accident" had happened) and focus instead on his own eyes.

The thing is...he couldn't find anything in there; The baby blue went on and on but there was nothing beyond- behind it-

-when he moved his gaze, however, he found that he was smiling even if he didn't felt like it. And that his carefully selected clothes looked as they had been designed just for him to wear (and they had), and that his globed hands were still holding his date's recent purchases inside the yellow bag even if he found every item utterly tacky and a ridiculous expense.

He was smiling and looking good and doing perfectly. So why did finding his own gaze him the same effect as placing a mirror in front of another, creating a ever going loop of emptiness?

Was he not playing his part correctly? What could possibly fill that void?

*My Neighbor Totoro/Azumi Inoue Music Box ver - R3 Music Box Totoro Seishin 

Totoro decided to take a nap under the sun while Chu and Chibi were busy playing with some squirrels. It was a sunny day and there was no place he'd rather be but outside, basking and feeling the grass under him.

At one point, however, he felt some extra weight on him. He didn't feel like moving or particularly offended by something deciding to lay on him, it was just amusing.

He couldn't be bothered to open both eyes, so he only opened one, finding a sleeping girl against his chest as if that was the most normal thing to do.

He smiled, closed his eye and decided that was quite fine by him.

*Delusion Girl - Oktavia Cover (TW Suicide and Mental Illness) Bernard Newhart

Every hero knows when they’re needed, so, that’s just what he’s born to be A man who manages throwing out his hand, Who doesn’t care if his own life is spared Such a feat like that, it’s a selfless act only completed in dreams And it stays like that for me With a crash I’m trapped back in reality

Bernard wanted to help, he really did. He just...didn't always know how. Nor did he know if it really matter.

His partner always seemed to be five steps ahead and the Australian she'd taken a fancy to was just like her, if not a couple of steps ahead of even her. And it made Bernard feel like a third wheel, to question if he was really doing something worthy, if he had done something, anything sufficiently good ever and-

-he caught the girl's cellphone before she ever noticed it had slid out of her hands. And soon enough he was getting hugged and receiving many 'thank you's and- and maybe that was enough?

*The Lost One's Weeping (English Cover) - Will Stetson (TW   Depression) Martin Ambrosius (Merlin)

And no matter how much time passes us by, We’re drunk on sweet and hypnotic lies. With all our sources of hardened pride We try to erase and hide now

Martin would always act indignant at the question, and would always reply with a 'I am under no obligation to use my magic to explain or prove anything to the likes of you'.

He was Merlin's blood, for fuck's sake! He didn't have anyone to prove anything to save for maybe the Once and Future King himself!

Oh how he hoped, deep, deep inside, that he would never wake, that he would never ask any questions, that he would never do anything but keep dreaming his mythical dream and let him live his unmagic life.

He was a showman, he loved smoke and light and mirrors, he could fool anyone, anytime -but he knew that wouldn't be enough if (when) the time came, that the Once and Future King would need an actual advisor, an actual wizard.

He prayed that day never came to pass.

*When you're evil - Aurelio Voltaire Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

It gets so lonely being evil What I'd do to see a smile Even for a little while And no one loves you when you're evil I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need

"Ah, Perry the Platypus! Don't shake too much or you'll make the laser sharks angry and- no, hey! the insurance doesn't cover laser damage to the roo- yeah, that's better thank you. You might be wondering what this is all about- you see, noone has decided to play ME so far so- BEHOLD, THE HEINZ DOOFEN-INATOR! (patent pending) WITH THIS DEVICE I SHALL HIJACK ONE UNLUCKY ROLEPLAYER'S DRAFTS AND SLOWLY BUT SURELY CONSUME THE WHOLE THING THEN THE OTHER POSTS ON THE DASH, THEN THE WHOLE BEING DISNEY PAGE, THEN- HEY! HEY, DON'T DO THA- I'M NOT DONE WITH MY EVIL MONOLOGUE!"

*DEAD HAND - anakin ft. IA English (Ferry Cover)  (TW  Nuclear Warfare mention) Major Francis Monogram

Oh this is overwhelming, time for the iron curtain call The panic is seeping through the fractured border wall My livid heart powers this reactor core “Oh this is all wrong” but I don’t mind at all Turn up the volume, execute the protocol You know it’s M.A.D. and it’s all about to blow What an unfortunate way to end this show I shed a tear as you vanish in the snow

Francis had zero interest in dealing with anyone's shit (save for his own or his son's, that is) ever again; He'd done his time and the whole thing during the fucking Cold War had done a number on his nerves.

He still could remember how all seemed lost, an adequately mad situation (of Mutually Assured Destruction, that is) had come to pass and everyone in the HQ was losing his mind and running around like a bunch of headless chickens-

-until he very calmly pressed a couple of buttons and the thing was ok once more. Some people cried, some people laughed, some people shouted.

(Dramatic bitches, all of them. They didn't have to cause a scene just because of the fucking coffee machine)

That was one of many situations that made him love his retirement and not want to let go of it.

*Gasoline - Halsey (Captain) John Silver

You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline

'Phantom limb pain' sounded way cooler than it actually was. Silver would rather call it 'a pain in the ass' any day, but that'd be a misnomer since what hurt was his stupid (lack of) arm and not his ass and he was not risking some smartass trying to make a joke about his butt, thank you very fucking much.

Like, fuck, 'phantom pain' could be a sick name for a metal (heh) band. And hiding things inside his prosthetic was one of the few perks the whole thing offered, just like the fact that he could smack people with the thing without having to bother about hurting himself or dealing with that pain.

However, during that cold night he couldn't think of any possitives about the damned thing and cursed his rotten luck, his (lack of) arm and the thoughts that came along with them.