#it would just make a lot of things easier on me

[keikikait]

ᴛᴡᴏ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴇᴅ (ʀᴀꜰᴇ ᴄᴀᴍᴇʀᴏɴ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

this is part two. for part one, click here!

pairing: rafe cameron x kook!f!reader, (not au, both are early to mid 20s)

word count: 4.4k

summary: rafe gives you an ultimatum, and in the setting sun, you see another

warnings: ANGST!!!!, pining/whipped reader, kook!reader & kook!rafe, suggestive but no outright smut, ultimatums, jj is alive, arguing, not proofread

a note: i'm sorry this is late!

please reblog and like, it means a lot! let me know what you think!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

Were you being punished by your love for him?

You tried to move on, you really did. You tried everything you could think of, bar from ignoring Rafe all together. You had even joined a dating app, where you met a fellow Kook named Alexander, and you went on a few dates with him. He was a great guy, handsome, smart, and charming, but he wasn’t Rafe. Alexander didn’t draw your attention away from your best friend that you were hopelessly still in love with, even after trying to gaslight yourself into believing that you had a crush on him.

You kept Alexander around for a while. He was a fun guy, he paid for your little lunch or coffee shop dates, and he was a good fuck. You had lied and told him that you just weren’t a very vocal girl in bed, but in reality you were biting your tongue to keep from moaning Rafe’s name into his ear. It had been a few weeks, and even after everything, Rafe was still the only person you thought of when you slipped your hands under your panties at night. You eventually started to feel bad about leading him on and tried to break things off amicably. He didn’t take it well, but you didn’t expect him to.

You had tried to distract yourself, going to party after party and club after club, making out with whatever guy you could get your hands on. But nothing worked. You couldn’t stop thinking about your Kook prince, the most feared man on Kildare that had a soft spot in his heart for you. 

You had almost hoped that Rafe would’ve ditched you, would’ve kicked you to the side like a dog. At least it would be easier to move on that way, and you wouldn’t be stuck under his thumb, thinking about the ways you could get out of the hold he has on you. He still wanted to see you and be around you, constantly calling and texting like it was normal, like you hadn’t professed your undying love to him only three weeks ago. You felt like a two-headed monster. One head was his best friend, one head was deeply in love with him.

You know he’s fine, but what about you? What do you do?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Even after everything, you still have to show up for your Friday night tradition; sitting on Rafe’s sofa, tucked under his arm, watching a shitty 80s zombie movies while eating a Costco pizza. You shouldn’t have agreed, knowing it would only make things harder, but you would do anything for him. Your poor heart would always surrender to him.

Maybe this time he would start falling for you, too.

You pull into the driveway of his new house, grabbing the pizza from the backseat before heading up to the front door, balancing the giant box with one hand as you knock.

The door swings open a second later, with Rafe standing in the doorway, grinning at the sight of the pizza box in your hands. He steps aside, gesturing for you to come in. “You’ve arrived with the goods, I see.”

You swallow hard. He looks so fucking good, wearing a tight black t-shirt and a pair of dark green sweatpants. You hug him with one arm, burying your face in his shoulder and inhaling deep. Your eyebrows furrow slightly and your free hand clenches around your keys. He smells different. Sweeter. Almost like candy.

Sofia must’ve been here earlier.

You pull away, carrying the pizza box into his living room. “Yup. I got you extra cheese, too.”

He follows behind you, shutting the door behind the two of you. His arm wraps around your shoulder when you reach the sofa, pulling you in tight to his side. “Extra cheese for my girl.” he teases, taking the box from you to set on the coffee table. You’re on the edge while he’s so goddamn polite and composed.

You tense up slightly as you settle into his sofa, grabbing the remote. You turn the TV on, trying to distract yourself from the empty feeling building up inside of you and gnawing at your guts. “Which movie are we watching tonight?”

“Mm…” He stretches out on the sofa, his legs tangling with yours as he looks over your shoulder at the TV. His body is pressed up against yours, and as usual, his proximity starts to stir up feelings deep inside of you. Feelings you thought you had managed to repress. “How about Romero?”

Your eyebrows furrow again. This man was going to give you wrinkles. “I thought we were watching zombie movies. Not ones about a Salvadoran archbishop.”

“No, not Romero like the actual archbishop, I mean like--” He lets out a frustrated sigh. “The man who invented the zombie film genre, dumbass. Do you need me to find a new best friend or something? Because you’re starting to get a little too idiotic for me.”

What the fuck? “Excuse me?”

He snorts, watching you get defensive. “Come on, it was a joke,” he says, nudging you with his knee. “Lighten up, I’m just teasing.”

“It wasn’t funny.” You say.

It’s then that he notices the way your shoulders are tense. Your jaw is clenched, and your eyes focus on the screen in front of the two of you with a bit too much intent. You’re upset. He can feel the agitation radiating off of you, and he hates it. He’s too used to his best friend being comfortable with him, happy around him. He lets out a breath, sitting up straight. “Don’t be like that,” he mutters. “Relax.”

“You don’t get to call me a dumbass, Rafe.” You say, your tone sharp.

Rafe stares at you, his irritation rising bit by bit. He takes in your expression, your sharp tone, the agitation that was practically coming off of you in waves. This was new territory for him. You weren’t just being cold, you were pissed. He’d never seen you this pissed at him. He didn’t like it.

He wanted the old you back, the you he thought you were. His best friend, his confidant, not the girl who’s helplessly in love with him, not the girl who lies awake all night thinking about him. Not the girl who moans his name into her pillow as she cums, hoping one day he would fall in love with her, too. He wanted you to just move on, to give up, to completely wipe your romantic feelings for him clean. He wanted more, while leaving you with less.

“You didn't use to care about this shit,” He says. “Not until you decided you were in love with me or whatever.”

“Decided?” You ask, scoffing. “It isn’t something you just wake up and decide.”

Rafe stares at you, his gaze hard, almost like he’s trying to search for the words that he wants to say. He was never good at this, talking about his feelings. He sighs, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I… I don’t know.” He mutters, staring down at the floor. “I just wish things were the way they used to be, okay? I didn’t ask for all this bullshit. I never asked you to feel this way, so why are you making things so difficult?”

“I didn’t ask for this either.” You say.

“Well, you’re the one whose in love.” He says, the words almost bitter on his tongue. “You’re the one who made things difficult. I didn’t ask you to feel this way. I didn’t tell you to go and fall in love with me. So why are you getting pissed because I’m not in love with you too?”

“I’m not pissed, Rafe,” You say, although deep down you truly are. “I knew from the very beginning that I had no chance with you. I wouldn’t love me, either.”

He falls silent, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t know how to respond to that. He knew that wasn’t true. He knows that you’re beautiful, and sweet, and kind, and funny. He knew that you should have every chance with him. But he just didn’t love you that way. “How many times do we have to go over this?” He asks, his voice soft. “I’ve never loved you like that. You’re my best friend, you know that.”

“Thanks for the reminder.” You say bitterly.

He grits his jaw, frustrated now. He hated how bitter you were when it came to this. He hated that you expected him to be in love with you back when he just didn’t see you that way. He hated that he had to keep explaining this over and over again to you, and he hated the fact that you were just sitting here, pouting like a toddler. Like a girl who was in love.

He was tired of being the bad guy in this. “Then you shouldn’t have fallen in love with me.”

“I wish I never did.” You say.

He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t know what to say. He just turns to look at the movie, his jaw clenched. He hated that you said that. He hated that you wished you’d never fallen for him. He didn’t want you to wish that. If you didn’t fall for him, how long would it be before you fell for someone else? Someone who wasn’t him? He didn’t want the thought of you with another guy to piss him off so much.

Rafe sighs. “Quit looking at me like I’m the bad guy here.”

“Do you want me to pretend you’re a good guy?” You ask, crossing your arms.

“I am the good guy,” He snaps, his eyes narrowing. What the hell? He knew he wasn’t an angel by any means, but he was a good guy. He took care of his family, protected his friends, and stayed loyal to his girlfriend. “You’re the one who fell in love with me. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

You sigh, looking away. This was pointless, even more pointless than the daydreams you filled your mind with when you couldn’t sleep. “Whatever.”

He looks at you for a moment, jaw clenched, his body tense.

“You know, this whole self-pitying, 'woe is me, Rafe is the bad guy' bullshit is starting to piss me off. It’s getting annoying.” He says.

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Rafe.” You say.

“Stop acting as if I’ve done something wrong. Like I’ve wronged you,” He says, exasperated. He can’t understand why you’re being like this, and it’s pissing him off even more. “I don’t like you that way. I’ve never liked you that way. Why is that such a hard concept for you to accept?”

“It isn’t,” You say, your voice starting to get thick with emotion. “I know you don’t like me, I know you aren’t attracted to me, I just… it’s just so hard for me to move on, and I don’t know why.”

Rafe is silent for a moment, watching as your face starts to crumble. He can’t help but sigh. He moves closer to you, placing his hand on your thigh. Normally, it was the opposite. Normally it was you comforting him, not him trying to comfort you. “It’ll pass. You’ll get over it eventually.”

It’ll pass.

It’ll pass.

It will never pass, will it?

You sniffle, one hand reaching up to wipe the corners of your eyes. “I should go.”

He catches your wrist, tugging you back down on the sofa. “Sit down,” he says, his voice firm. “You’re not going anywhere yet. We need to talk about something.”

“About what?” You ask, not looking at him.

He lets go of your wrist, crossing his arms over his chest. “This,” He says simply, gesturing towards your face. “This…depression, sadness, self-pity bullshit. I hate seeing you the way you are right now, like you’ve just been kicked down. It’s pathetic. It’s not you.”

You don’t reply, finally looking over at him, eyes red rimmed with tears.

He stares back, his expression unchanging. You think he would’ve softened up at the sight of you, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to see you like this anymore. You’re supposed to be his best friend, the person he confides in and takes comfort in. “You’re supposed to be the person I come to when I’m upset. Not the other way around. This pity party you have going on needs to end. You’re better than that.”

You look back down at your lap, starting to pick at the skin around your thumbnails. “What do you want me to do?”

“Move on,” Rafe says, his tone harsher than he intended. “Move the fuck on. I want my best friend again, not this whiney, insecure brat. I don’t have any romantic feelings for you, and I’m tired of treating you with kid gloves because you can’t handle the truth. Get a grip and get over it. You either move on, and things go back to normal, or we stop being friends.”

You feel your stomach drop, your throat constricting, air getting caught in your windpipe. You don’t look at him, continuing to dig your fingernails into your skin. He watches you for a moment, noticing the way your chest shakes as you try to keep back the tears. He knew your habits by now, and he noticed the way your hands started to fiddle and pick. You did that when you were trying to distract yourself. You did that when you were upset, hurt. 

“Stop that,” He mumbles, reaching out and grabbing your hand.

You pull your hand away and stand up, fists clenching as your chest shakes. You couldn’t break down. Not here, not in front of him. “I should go.”

Rafe reaches out, grabbing your wrist again. He stands up too, using his grip to tug you back towards him. “We need to talk about this. Sit down.”

You pull away again, taking a step back, a soft squeak tumbling out of your mouth as you start to cry.

The squeak causes his stomach to twist. His face falls. “Don’t pull away from me.” He pleads softly, his hand reaching out for you again.

You retreat again, shaking your head as more tears start to fall. Your legs shake, your hands coming up to cover your face.

He grabs your wrist again, gently pulling you into his arms. “Stop it,” he says firmly, pulling you in close to his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around your trembling frame. “Stop.”

You sob into his chest, your hands still covering your face, shoulders shaking violently as you try and take a deep breath.

He stays quiet, one arm wrapped around your waist to hold you firmly against him. His other hand comes up to tangle in your hair, playing with the roots of it as his chin rests on the top of your head. “Stop crying,” He repeats, his voice a bit gentler. “I’m not worth it.”

“Yes you are.” You mumble, wiping your tears with your fingers, palms still pressed against your face, mascara smearing across your cheeks.

“No, I’m not,” He says firmly, his breath fanning over the crown of your head. His fingers tighten slightly in your hair, rubbing slow circles into your scalp. Not to offer comfort. No, he knew that wouldn’t work. But to just keep you where you were, firmly held against his chest. “I’m a disaster. Even after everything, after trying to change, I’m still a disaster.”

“You're not a disaster.” You say, pulling back to look at him.

He stares down at you, his expression hard to read. He has his usual, guarded look on, but the way his hand reaches up to gently wipe away one of your tears gives away the fact that he’s affected. “I am,” He repeats, his voice quiet. “And I won’t ever be the man you think I am.”

You hesitate. “I want the Rafe I’m looking at. Not the picture of you in my head.”

He lets a huff of air out through his nose, his expression softening for the briefest of moments as he looks down at you. You were so beautiful, even when you were crying and on the edge of a breakdown. But he couldn’t allow himself to get caught up in it again, like in high school. He had moved on. At least, in his mind. “You’ll never be satisfied with that. I’m no saint, and I’ll never be the romantic, fairy tale guy you want me to be.”

“I just want--” You try to correct yourself, although you meant the former. “I just wanted to be yours.”

He stiffens for a second, his gaze hardening again as he studies your face. “No,” he mutters, a tinge of something you can’t place in his voice. “You can’t be mine. I’m not yours, and I’ll never be yours. You’re not mine to keep, you’re not the one I want, you’re not the one I’m in love with.”

You sigh, your voice soft. “I know.”

He lets out a breath, the expression on his face pained. He cupped your face, wiping away some of the smeared mascara. “I don’t want to keep hurting you,” He says softly. “I don’t want to keep making you cry. I don’t want to keep disappointing you.”

“I’m hurting myself,” You say. “It’s not your fault. I’m the one who just can’t move on.”

“You’re not the one at fault,” Rafe says, his thumb still wiping at the tear stains on your cheek. “I’m the one who can’t love you the way you want to be loved. And I’ll never be able to. You deserve someone who can, and I want you to find that person.”

You did find that person, the one holding your face and looking at you like you’re his saving light in eternal darkness. You had ignored so many bad omens, hoping that the universe was wrong, that they made a mistake, that your red strings of fate were intertwined in the stars.

But they weren’t.

You swallow hard. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder. To get over you.”

“Good.” He says, his thumb brushing under your eye one last time, wiping away a tear. His thumb brushes across your cheek, pressing down slightly to feel the softness of your skin. He moves his other hand to your jaw, moving his thumb side to side on your neck, feeling your pulse. 

His eyes meet yours before his gaze travels over your face, soaking in every detail of you. They linger on your lips, just for a second too long, and much to his dismay, you notice it. His eyes move back up to look into yours.

Your breath hitches ever so slightly, your lips parting. Rafe purses his lips together slightly, rubbing them together, his eyes looking back down at your mouth. He mumbles your name quietly, his voice soft.

“What?” You ask.

He doesn’t answer. 

His eyes are still looking at your mouth. He watches your lips move as you speak, watches how your tongue peeks out of the corner of your mouth ever so slightly. 

He can’t think straight. He can’t think at all. His mind has gone fuzzy, and every cell of his body is telling him something he knows he shouldn’t do. 

His hand slides from your jaw to the back of your neck, and he pulls you in closer.

He places a kiss to your forehead, his eyes closing.

Your eye twitches, your stomach churning, your face getting hot with shame and embarrassment.

He pulls away, looking down at you. “I’m sorry, alright? Can we just… can we just chill and watch a movie?”

You should say no. You should scream at him, yell at him for manipulating you, for looking at you like that and acting like he was going to kiss you.

But you can’t. You can’t bring yourself to hate him, even after this. 

You swallow hard, blinking a few times as you look at the long forgotten pizza box on the coffee table. “Yeah. We can watch a movie.”

He feels relieved. That’s good. 

He gives you a small smile, placing a hand on the small of your back and ushering you towards the sofa. He turns you towards the sofa, gesturing for you to sit down, his hand still lingering on your back, the feel of your skin under your sweater making his heart race. 

His eyes linger on you for a moment, before he turns to grab the remote off of the coffee table. He sits down next to you, trying to keep a normal distance between the two of you, instead of pressing himself up against your side. He opens the pizza box as he opens Hulu, handing you a slice. 

You take it, your fingers and hands numb and tingling as you try to suppress the bile in your throat.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

The Outer Banks is truly paradise on Earth.

Although The Boneyard isn’t the nicest beach on the island, it has a few secluded spots that still manage to take your breath away. You find your favourite spot easily, a small sandbank by the entrance to a long-forgotten cove. It was once filled with rumours of pirates and treasures, but now it’s full of seaweed.

You settle into the sand, holding your sandals in your hands, arms draped over your knees. You watch the sunset pink and orange streaking across the sky, listening to the soft crashing of the waves and the distant call of a seagull. The wind gently pulls through your hair, and you push some behind your ears, closing your eyes as you feel the sun on your face.

It’s peaceful.

Another soft breeze brushes over you, carrying with it the scent of weed, an uncommon occurrence for this particular spot. Not a lot of other people on the island knew of your spot, mainly just Rafe and Sarah.

You turn your gaze to your left, finding a familiar figure sitting about a yard away from you.

JJ smiles, head tilted to the side, a lit joint between his fingers. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You say, smiling softly. You had always had a little soft spot for JJ, considering him to be one of the few Pogues you could actually stand, maybe other than Kiara.

JJ takes a hit of the joint, looking out over the ocean, the sun starting to descend towards the horizon. He sighs contently before turning to look at you again, raising his eyebrows as he studies you. “What’re doing out here all alone?”

“Just watching the sunset.” You say. You pat the sand next to you, inviting him to take a seat.

“Yeah? Me too,” He says, moving closer to take a seat next to you. He stretches out his legs, leaning back onto his hands and resting his head against the sand. He takes another hit from the joint, sighing out the smoke before offering it to you. “Want a hit?”

You nod, taking it between your thumb and pointer finger. You take a deep hit, sucking in the smoke and blowing it out in a thick white cloud. You hold it out towards him. “Thanks.”

He takes it from you, his fingers brushing against yours. “Anytime,” He says, leaning back. He watches you for a moment, his gaze lingering on your face. The sun is setting in front of you, casting a warm, orange glow illuminating you that catches on your hair. He can’t help but admire the way the sunset looks against your figure, casting a glowing haze around you. His gaze softens in the presence of your soft glow. “You look pretty tonight.”

You smile softly, feeling your face get warm. “Thanks, JJ. So do you.”

He smiles back, his eyes locking with yours. It’s just the two of you out here, and JJ likes it that way. Just you and him sitting alone on the beach, watching the sunset. “Just pretty?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at you.

“Handsome.” You add.

He’s silent for a moment, staring back at you. He lets out a breath through his nose, trying to hide the grin on his face as his cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink, but it’s still clear on his face. “Damn right, I am.” He mutters. The two of you just stare at each other for a minute, the quiet sounds of the ocean in front of you and the distant sound of a fish jumping, trying to catch a bug flying across the water.

You smile at him again, looking back over the water.

JJ studies your profile for a moment, taking a hit off of his joint before passing it back to you, still staring at you. His eyes linger on your eyes, before slowly dropping down to your lips. He watches you, the soft expression on your face and how your hair blows in the wind. He’s always liked the way you look when you’re relaxed. You always look pretty, but you really look beautiful when you’re relaxed, when there’s no stress or worry in your mind. 

He studies your face, committing every detail to memory. He sits up straighter, placing the joint back in his mouth. He hesitates before throwing one arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to his side. You oblige, slotting yourself against him, leaning your head against his shoulder. 

He smiles to himself, feeling you move closer. His arm tightens around you, fingers absentmindedly tracing circles into your shoulder. He watches the sun over the ocean, noticing how the light dances over the rippling water. He takes the joint from his mouth once again, taking a hit. He holds it in his lungs for a second, before leaning forward slightly, his gaze shifting down to your cheek. He lets out a cloud of smoke from his mouth, the smoke hovering in the air between the two of you.

You take the joint from him and take a hit before handing it back, holding it in your lungs before exhaling slowly. You look up at him, watching as he puts the joint in his mouth as he shifts in the sand. You smile softly again, admiring the way his eyes shine in the pink and orange hues of the setting sun.

Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧

part three?

★taglist: @ietss, @momoewn, @blairsblg, @teenwolfbitches28, @dasia21, @drewsphswife, @gilwm, @watchmerora, @odairtrqsh, @wearemadeofstardust0, @rafesbabygirlx, @slumnit, @babygirlwilly, @rafeyswife, @maybanksgirl69, @evermorx89, @ivy-34, @marlenee3e, @koibleufish, @user381963, @monkey-d-juliana, @ursogorgeous1313, @drewstarkeysstuff, @ts1mp0ne, @kayreblogs, @rafeycameronsgf, @lulbabes, @karmasloverrr, @greyswaren, @tini5, @witchmoon10, @xcinnamonmalfoyx, @arivh, @devils-blackrose, @goldsainz, @vonhoe, @exhaustedbutelated, @enjoymyloves, @rinasauruss, @danikasthings, @danicl25, @outlawedmando, @lucifersie, @wtfisastiles, @maybankslover (italics means i couldn’t tag you!)

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[willowsnook]

community relations (18+)

Pulled pork! Vinegar! Wrap! ~ Mike’s Way ~ Thank you for this, such a great idea!!

quinn hughes x coworker!reader

I’d be insane not to love you

—----------------------------------------------------

“I have an observation from today,” Quinn said as you packed up after the event.

The local children’s hospital had sent some kids to skate with Canucks players, including their captain, who was lingering behind.

“And what’s that?” you asked, glancing up over the box you were carrying.

“You don’t know how to skate,” he said, smirking.

“I do not,” you admitted with a smile.

“How?” he asked, bewildered. “You literally work for a hockey team.”

Shrugging, you passed him the box. “My job doesn’t require me to be on the ice.”

“But still,” he persisted, following you to the storage closet. “Let me teach you.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” you asked, placing a hand on your hip.

“Not for another hour,” he replied, grinning wide. “Now let’s find you some skates, princess.” Before you could protest, he was already running off. Sighing, you followed, wondering what you’d gotten yourself into.

Quinn was the most requested player for community events, so you spent a lot of time with him. At first, he was quiet and reserved, but over time, your friendship grew, making your job easier and more fun.

After discovering you weren’t a hockey fan growing up, he took it upon himself to teach you the basics. Today’s lesson, however, would take place on the ice.

Sitting on a bench, you watched as Quinn tied your skates. His fingers moved deftly, and he glanced up at you with a reassuring smile.

“Don’t be nervous,” he said softly. “I’ll be with you the whole time.”

You clung to the wall as he led you onto the rink, showing you the basics before holding out his hands. Taking them hesitantly, you shuffled off the wall, Quinn skating backward to guide you.

“That’s it!” he encouraged. “Isn’t it fun?”

“Not really,” you replied, earning a loud laugh from him.

As you completed a lap, you began to wobble. Quinn tightened his grip, pulling you into his chest as you stumbled. His arm wrapped securely around your waist, steadying you.

“Easy,” he murmured, his face inches from yours. Your cheeks flushed at the proximity, and neither of you moved.

“I think you can let go of me now,” you teased, breaking the tension. Quinn stepped back, his cheeks reddening as he guided you off the ice.

Later that afternoon,  your mind wandered to the interaction. Quinn was undeniably attractive—and kind—but he was also your coworker, the captain of the team. You weren’t sure if you were allowed to feel this way about him, but he wasn’t making it easy to resist.

Making yourself dinner, you picked up your phone to Facetime your sister. 

“Hey y/n,” she greeted as her face popped up on the screen. 

“Hey J,” you replied, propping the phone up. “Ready for this weekend?

She was visiting Vancouver to visit you and catch a game as your guest. You were excited, as you hadn’t seen her since over the summer and were very much in need of a girl's weekend. 

“So ready, I also expect you to take me bar hopping after the game on Saturday,” she said and you giggled. 

“Dangerous,” you replied, remembering the very rough nights the two of you had shared while going out. 

“I have to go, but I’ll see you when I land tomorrow,” she said before hanging up. This was going to be a long weekend.

—--------------------------------------------------------

“That was amazing,” Jaelen said after the final buzzer went off. The Canucks had won easily and you were happy just to be a fan for this game rather than an employee. “I want to be a WAG so bad.”

You laughed at your sister, knowing this was nothing new. The first thing she said when you told her you got the job a couple of years ago was ask when she could meet some of the players. 

“Do you know where they go out after the game?” she asked, and you sighed, trying to look away. “Omg, you do!”

Because of Quinn’s insistence that you eventually join him to celebrate one of these days, you knew the usual hangout was a small bar a couple of blocks away. You lived close to the arena, so you decided to stop by your apartment first and change into a pair of black jeans and a tight white top. You made a couple of martinis to pregame and eventually made your way to the bar. 

A lot of the hockey team was already there when you both arrived, and you spotted Quinn standing by the bar chatting with someone you thought might be one of his brothers. Jaelen was already dragging you to the bar, and you avoided his gaze as you stood up to order. 

“Put her drink on my tab,” you heard him say as he approached you. You looked over at him with a small smile on your face and met his eyes, sparkling with amusement. 

“Finally made it, and I didn’t even text you this time,” he teased. 

“My sister wanted to come out,” you defended. 

“Lot of bars in Vancouver, princess,” he smirked and you rolled your eyes. 

“Yeah yeah, she wants to bag one of your teammates,” you admitted. Quinn stepped closer to you, bringing his mouth to your ear. 

“I like how you didn’t include me as one of the options there,” he whispered, and you were instantly flustered, not even realizing what you had said. 

“Shut up,” you mumbled before sipping your drink. His smirk widened at your discomfort. 

“Hi, I’m Jack,” the guy he had been with earlier interrupted, holding his hand out. Quinn shot him a look of annoyance, but Jack’s smile didn’t falter. 

“Y/n,” you replied, shaking his hand.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said, making Quinn blush and you smiled. “And I can see why.”

Jack shamelessly checked you out and you tilted your head, amused at the brother. 

“Aren’t you a charmer?” You replied, locking eyes once again. 

“Only for you, sweetheart,” he flirted, and you felt a slight blush cross your features. Quinn was frowning now as he glared at Jack, who shot him a wink. You chatted a little longer with the boys, well mostly Jack, as Quinn had grown quieter as the night went on. Jack finally left to go to the bathroom and you turned to him. 

“You okay?” You asked and he looked down at you, clearly contemplating saying something. 

“I don’t like him flirting with you,” he admitted and you looked at him confused. 

“He’s just being nice,” you countered and he gave you a look. 

“I know my brother.” 

“I’m not going to hook up with him Quinn,” you said amused, grabbing your purse. “There’s only one Hughes brother I’m interested in and it’s not him. I’ll see you later.” 

His eyes widened as he processed your words and he watched you walk away. 

—------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of weeks had passed since then, and Quinn had definitely been more flirty with you but hadn’t made a move. You were starting to get worried that you had said too much that night at the bar; it was exactly why you avoided drinking around him in the first place. 

It was the week before Thanksgiving and you were going to your good friend Rachel’s house for a Friendsgiving party. She had done it each year for the past three and it always meant a good meal and then sitting around a bonfire, drinking and talking. You had been looking forward to it all month; it was a good chance to get away from work and just relax. It didn’t seem like work would be getting away from you, though, as you looked over to see Quinn stepping out of an Uber at the same time you pulled up. 

“What’s up princess?” He asked with a grin, taking the potato dish you brought out of your hands. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked befuddled. 

“I’m friends with Rachel’s new boyfriend,” he said and you nodded. Rachel had started dating this guy she had met at work a couple of months ago. You had yet to meet him but had heard good things. “You’re friends with Rachel, right?”

“Yeah,” you told him as you walked in the house. 

“Y/n!” Rachel called as you made it into the kitchen. She was wearing a cute little apron over her sweater and jeans and you hugged her in greeting. “Meet Paul!”

Her boyfriend gave you a kind smile, shaking your hand before turning to pull Quinn into a hug. 

“What’s up huggy?” Paul said and you watched amused as the two boys caught up. 

“I totally forgot to tell you that Quinn was coming. You guys see each other a lot at work, right? " she asked, and you nodded. “He’s cute.” 

“Rachel,” you warned and she smirked. 

“Just saying.”

You helped her with the final touches as everyone else arrived, Quinn staying in the kitchen with you guys, nursing a beer. 

“Okay, everyone, grab a plate and food, and let's eat!” Rachel called, and you joined her in line. You filled your plate and moved to the dining room, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach as Quinn took the spot next to you. 

“So how long have you two been together?” One of Rachel’s friends asked you and Quinn. Other conversations flowed in the background as you looked at Quinn quickly before answering. 

“We aren’t together, just coworkers,” you said and she nodded. 

“Just coworkers, not even friends?” Quinn said, pouting and you rolled your eyes. 

“Friends,” you confirmed and Rachel gave you a wink from where she was sitting. 

“I didn’t know you worked for the Canucks,” the girl continued and you nodded, taking a sip of your wine. 

“Yeah, have been for a couple of years now,” you told her. 

“That’s so lucky. I’d love to work around a bunch of hot athletes,” she said, and you choked a little on your drink, causing Quinn to grin. 

“Yeah, she is lucky,” he teased, and you shot him the finger. The rest of dinner went smoothly. You had a couple more glasses of wine before slowly following the group outside as Paul got the fire going. It was chilly, and you regretted already not having brought your heavier coat.

Quinn was already sitting back in one of the outdoor chairs, watching you as you got closer. 

“Cold princess?” He asked as you got closer and you crossed your arms shaking your head. 

“I’m fine,” you said but shivered involuntarily, causing him to give you a teasing smile. 

“Come sit in my lap,” he said and you gave him a death glare. 

“I’m not sitting in your lap,” you said and he smirked looking around. 

“Where else are you going to sit?” 

Sure enough, Rachel had invited more people than usual, and there were actually no seats open. You held your head high, determined not to show him his effect on you, and you moved closer to him. His eyes widened as you sat down on his lap, and he set down his beer next to him so that he could adjust you into him. 

Rachel was grinning widely at you from the next chair over and you ignored it, just jumping in to ask her about work. You chatted with Rachel for a while, enjoying the warmth Quinn provided with his arms wrapped around you. She got pulled into another conversation and you turned your attention to Quinn. 

“You’re being quiet,” you said and he gave you a small smile. 

“I’m enjoying the peacefulness,” he said and you smiled. “Still cold?”

“A little,” you replied and he shifted so you could lean into his chest. His head rested on top of yours. “Better.”

“Good,” he hummed. You watched the fire for a little bit before shifting again to get comfortable. 

“Stop moving,” Quinn rasped and you moved again to look up at him, earning a small groan. You were about to ask what was wrong but you felt it. He gave you a pointed look as you smirked, feeling him hard underneath you. 

“What’s wrong Huggy?” You teased as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Don’t be a tease,” he grunted. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you whispered. Looking around to see everyone engrossed in their own conversations, you smirked before resting your head on his shoulder for a second, bringing your lips to his neck, and nipping at the skin. 

Quinn lifted you off his lap, standing up with his hand holding onto yours tightly. 

“I think we’re going to head out,” he told Rachel and Paul. Rachel looked at you knowingly and stood up to hug you goodbye. You said goodbye to some other friends before following Quinn through the house and back out towards your car. 

The car was filled with a charged silence as you and Quinn sat next to each other, both knowing what was about to happen. 

You broke the stillness by casually asking, "Your place or mine?" Quinn's eyes flickered down to your lips, and without a word, he leaned over the console and grabbed the side of your head, pulling you closer to him. His lips met yours in a fiery kiss, his breath mingling with yours as he punished you for your teasing at the bonfire earlier. Your body responded eagerly, melting into his touch as you whimpered into the kiss. A small smirk tugged at Quinn's lips before he pulled back, leaving you breathless and wanting more.

“Your place as long as this isn’t a one-time thing,” he said and your eyes widened as you caught your breath. 

“What do you mean?” You asked. 

“I don’t do one-night stands,” he said simply and you tried to understand his words. 

“So you want to hook up more than once,” you said, and he chuckled, looking at you in amusement. 

"Forget just hooking up, princess. I want to take you out on real dates. I want to be by your side constantly. I need to see you outside of work, in every moment possible," he declared, his words igniting a fiery passion in your heart.

“But it’s really not allowed,” you said, shoulders sagging. 

“There is no rule against it,” he countered and you sat back thoughtfully. 

“Fine,” you agreed and he smiled. “I didn’t know you felt this way.”

“I’d be insane not to like you,” he said and you pressed your lips to his again, softer this time. 

You were nervous as you made the drive to your apartment. Quinn was quiet in the seat next to you, but his hand on your thigh assured you that he wanted this. He followed you out of the garage and up to your apartment, taking in the cozy space that was so you. 

After throwing your keys on the counter and taking your jacket off you stood facing him wanting him to make the next move. He eyed you slowly before coming towards you, raising his hand to hold the side of your head. 

“Are you sure?” He whispered and you hummed in agreement. That was all it took and his lips were on yours, his other hand pulling your hips into him. His lips moved harshly against yours, nipping at your bottom lip, causing you to gasp. 

Hands finding your ass, he lifted you up, letting you wrap your legs around him as he carried you to your bedroom. He laid you down gently, without breaking the kiss, hovering over your body. 

Quinn's hands roamed your body as he deepened the kiss, his tongue tangling with yours. You arched into him, craving more contact. He broke away to trail kisses down your neck, sucking gently at your pulse point.

"Quinn," you breathed, running your fingers through his hair.

He lifted his head to look at you, his eyes dark with desire. "God, you're beautiful," he murmured.

You blushed at his words, pulling him back down to capture his lips again. Your hands slid under his shirt, feeling the hard planes of his abs. Quinn groaned into your mouth, grinding his hips against yours.

Sitting up slightly, he tugged off his shirt before helping you remove yours. His eyes roamed your newly exposed skin hungrily.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked again, his voice husky.

You nodded, pulling him back down to you. "I'm sure," you whispered against his lips.

Quinn's hands skimmed down your sides, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He unclasped your bra, tossing it aside before cupping your breasts. You gasped as his thumbs brushed over your nipples.

"You're so responsive," he murmured, trailing kisses down your neck to your chest.

His mouth replaced his hands, tongue swirling around one nipple as his fingers teased the other. You arched into him, hands fisting in his hair as pleasure coursed through you.

Quinn continued his path downward, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your stomach. He looked up at you as he unbuttoned your jeans, silently asking permission. You lifted your hips, allowing him to slide them off along with your thong.

Quinn's eyes roamed over your now fully nude form, a look of awe on his face. "You're incredible," he breathed.

He kissed his way up your inner thigh, his stubble creating delicious friction against your sensitive skin. When he reached your center, he placed a gentle kiss there before slowly running his tongue along your folds.

You gasped, hips bucking involuntarily. Quinn gripped your thighs, holding you in place as he continued his attention. His tongue circled your clit before sucking it into his mouth, causing you to cry out in pleasure.

"Quinn, please," you whimpered, not even sure what you were begging for.

He slid a finger inside you, curling it to hit that spot that made you see stars. Adding a second finger, he pumped them in and out in tandem with the movements of his tongue.

“Fuck Quinn I’m gonna cum,” you whined out and he increased his pace. Your hands were gripping the sheets on either side of you and you struggled in his hold as your orgasm washed over you. He cleaned you up before coming back up to kiss your lips.

Quinn kissed you deeply, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. You could feel his hardness pressing against your thigh through his jeans. Reaching down, you palmed him through the fabric, causing him to groan into your mouth.

"These need to come off," you murmured, tugging at his waistband.

Quinn quickly shed his remaining clothes, kicking them off the bed. Your eyes roamed his now naked form appreciatively. He was all lean muscle, his body honed from years of hockey.

"Like what you see?" he asked with a smirk.

"Very much," you replied, pulling him back down to you.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, feeling his length slide against your wet folds. Quinn reached between your bodies, lining himself up at your entrance. He paused, looking into your eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked one final time and you nodded, gasping as he pushed into you. “Fuck princess, you’re so tight.”

Quinn stilled for a moment, letting you adjust to his size. You rolled your hips, signaling him to move. He started with slow, deep thrusts, gradually building up speed.

"God, you feel amazing," he groaned, burying his face in your neck.

Quinn quickened his pace, his hips slamming into yours. You could feel your climax building, the pressure coiling in your belly.

Suddenly, Quinn changed positions, pulling you on top of him and sitting up against the headboard. He held onto your hips as you rode him, setting a pace that had both of you panting.

You leaned back, hands on his thighs for support as you tilted your hips to hit that spot inside you again and again. Quinn's fingers dug into your skin as he watched you pleasure yourself on him.

"You look so fucking beautiful like this," he groaned, and it pushed you over the edge.

You cried out his name as your orgasm washed over you once again, Quinn following soon after with a loud groan.

You lay there, panting and tangled in each other’s arms. Quinn pressed kisses along your neck and jaw, before pulling out of you.

"That was incredible," he said, flopping down beside you.

"Mhmm," you agreed, snuggling into his side.

“I was being serious about what I said earlier,” he said and you looked up to him. “I want all of you.”

“Then you can have me,” you said leaning up to kiss him. 

[lungsandlips]

Kade was starting to get a little antsy at the prodding but he wasn't blaming Chloe for it. She had every right to be curious, to worry about him. Last night's episode centered around her and it would make sense to any logical person that she would blame herself even if it wasn't her fault. And it wasn't. "I've been neglecting things for awhile. Even before you and I..." How did he describe the change between her winning a drinking contest between the two of them and what had happened in the bathtub? They weren't dating, even though he would absolutely consider her his girlfriend if he was given permission. But they were something, right? "Seeing my therapist might have helped..." He'd neglected that too, thinking if he just buried himself in work that he'd be too busy for his mind to catch up with him. Unfortunately that seemed to play a big part in his downfall.

"You're not a loser," he argued. "I think we both have a lot of shit we deal with inside of us that comes from different places. I know you don't feel that way but I let the tiny worry that you might not want anything to do with me because of who I am and what I deal with be louder than the voice that knows better." That part of him knew she cared, couldn't deny it. Couldn't let her deny it either, really. It was too obvious. "Can we talk about that stuff later?" If there needed to be more conversation about it, anyway. Kade just needed a break. "If it was an expense to begin with I'm sure we had insurance on it. Shouldn't be hard to get you a new one today." He could see that the conversation was bothering her but he wasn't letting it go just yet. "Hey - this isn't the same as me getting you a gift. Strictly from a business standpoint, you need a new phone. My company pays for that. That's not even really just me. The whole Conroy family operates out of the same company. Makes it easier for us. It's a business expense. Easy to fix. Had to replace my own three times last year."

"Spare sheets are in the linen closet in the hall. I'll help you make the bed. Not that you would know," he teased. "But the spare room is freezing. If we stay in my room I'll let you turn on the floors."

That image of hime will never leave her mind. She knows it's a bold thing to say, but she knows in her gut, it will stay with her. Letting out a small sigh, she hated herself for playing with his mind and emotions. "In what way? If you were to be honest now, what would you say about where you were mentally?" She knew Grace said he couldn't be pushed, but she needed to try. "And would this have built up the way it did if you were seeing your therapist more regularly?" She didn't want to scold him, but she wanted to support him, which means scheduling therapy appointments, both as his assistant and his girlfriend- whoa. The subtlety that thought came to her stunned her for a second, abort, abort, abort. Looking back at him forcefully focusing on him to deter her own inner spiral.

Smiling and letting out a soft chuckle at the thought of slapping him across the face, her facial expression soured the more he divulged his inner thoughts. "Wow, those thoughts either really hate me or are out to get you." She tried to joke. She could see he was embarrassed and her heart hurt for him because he had no reason for it. "You know I don't feel that way right?" She knew he admitted it was a stupid thought, but she wanted him to hear it from her. "Especially when I'm not 'dealing' with you. If anything, you're 'dealing' with me. You have a legitimate diagnosis to back up your stuff, I'm just... a naive and gullible idiot." Chuckling at her own expense. "I don't know," She said awkwardly disliking any talk around money, specifically someone else buying her anything. "It is an expense, technically, but I can get my own phone. You pay be very well to be able to afford a new one." She felt so awkward as if she had insects crawling underneath her skin, "It's fine, I can buy it." She said quickly, desperate for this conversation to be over, "I'll buy it later, or tomorrow, or whenever." She nodded. "You know, I really like getting back into bed idea. Where are your spare sheets? I can go make the bed, or we can use that guest room I've been neglecting."

[satsuha]

i'm always really interested in how the characters call each other in japanese games, so i laid out a few differences between the japanese and english versions of some ace attorney games that particularly interest me. this isn't meant to be an exhaustive list but it did get really long 😭

i highlighted english nicknames/etc in blue while japanese nicknames/etc are orange just to make reading a little easier

AA1-2

while only playing the english version i liked that maya called phoenix nick, it's a nickname that makes sense and phoenix is annoying to say and write anyway (lol) but the reason maya gives for this nickname in english is that it's what larry uses for him, which pales in comparison to maya in the japanese version opting for how mia used to call him: naruhodo-kun.

to me, this is a LOT more meaningful and informative than the english nickname because it not only is evidence of how much maya heard about phoenix from mia using that nickname, it also gives us a glimpse of maya's personality and her relationship with phoenix. -kun is an honorific that's usually used for either male classmates or for teachers/superiors to use with their students/subordinates. maya falls into neither of these categories with phoenix, but it also lines up with how she acts like the boss of the office a lot of the time. SO LIKE... ultimately the nickname nick just does not hold up in terms of both maya's reasoning for using it, and phoenix's apprehension at her calling him that... which i just think is a shame!! in the same vein, this nickname is passed down to pearl, and again you see phoenix having a Reaction to it which makes sense considering it's funny that a kid is calling him naruhodo-kun...

i don't only want to talk about changes in english that i don't prefer, so i also want to mention that i'm very impressed that they managed to get phoenix and edgeworth referring to each other by their surnames in english to sound natural... because it's also exactly what they do in japanese except there, the idea of male friends using their surnames with each other is a very very normal thing. i AM torn on the fact that in japanese larry also refers to the two of them by their surnames, which means all 3 of them are on equal grounds in that respect. AT THE SAME TIME... english makes larry's "nick" and "edgey" work so well that i really can't say we missed out with this localization, but i do like the relationship between these 3 so i do like that the japanese is indicative of it too :)

AA4

i'm skipping ahead to aa4 because trucy's also a very interesting localization to me... the first time i played aa4 i felt like trucy wasn't sufficiently differentiated enough from maya's character which is like. debatable but those were my initial thoughts anyway. in japanese though she uses third-person pronouns (calling herself by her own name, minuki) which is VERY distinct from maya. there are a number of ways to interpret this choice but i like the one that indicates that it's part of her stage persona. aside from that though, she also has a very normal nickname for apollo (odoroki-san, with -san indicating general politeness) while polly is um well canonically the name of a parrot LOL

i do find it pretty interesting that the above exchange is the first instance trucy uses the polly nickname, because it's entirely different in the japanese version. phoenix says "if this onii-chan over here can't help you..." to which trucy responds by saying "how could you, onii-chan!" this exchange is hilarious to me because phoenix referring to apollo as an onii-chan is pretty normal? it's common to refer to any young man as that and in this case he's also referring to apollo from trucy's perspective. but trucy DIRECTLY calling apollo onii-chan (brother) is just so funny because HERE it's a lot closer to how an actual younger sister would refer to her older brother; there's a difference between saying "this onii-chan" and just "onii-chan". now i'm not saying this was direct foreshadowing because onii-chan is also used between close friends/acquaintances but like... the possibility is there.

AA5

now onto simon because i don't actually have a problem with the localization making him a british weeaboo i think that's really funny but i DO wish the nicknames he uses for the defense attorneys were more... appropriate? the honorific -dono that he uses in english does complement his samurai look but it's usually used in contexts where there's some respect involved, which is... not simon's intention in japanese. i'm admittedly not too familiar with the nicknames he uses in japanese; he uses "[kanji] no ji", while using a kanji from phoenix/apollo/athena's surnames. by searching it in japanese, i'm finding answers that it was medieval slang used by men usually in red light districts and such, and was used to refer to those with equal or lower status to oneself but never to those of higher status. this is kinda the opposite of what -dono is which is used for those of equal or higher status!!

i also find it pretty amusing that despite him using the first kanji in phoenix's name; 成 (turn into, grow), he uses the second kanji in both apollo and athena's names; 泥 (mud) and 月 (moon) respectively. i can only imagine that he did this because the first kanji in their names; 王 (king) and 希 (rare, hope) respectively, were too positive/complimentary for him? LOL

AA6

now i want to to talk about apollo in aa6 because NNGNRHGH i'm not normal about this one. because like, similarly to what i said up there about phoenix, edgeworth and larry's relationship, it's completely normal for close male friends to use their surnames with each other. phoenix, being apollo's boss, refers to him as odoroki-kun (mirroring how mia and maya call phoenix). trucy uses odoroki-san, indicating general politeness and athena uses odoroki-senpai, because he's her senior in their workplace. clay uses odoroki (no honorific), which is the same "level" as phoenix/edgeworth/larry's relationship.

a male character never being referred to as their first name is pretty normal, which is also the case in the aa games. franziska calls edgeworth by his first name reiji which is SUPPOSED to stand out because it's notably impolite/informal for someone who is younger than him, which suits the idea of her thinking of herself as the elder sibling. for additional reference, phoenix is only referred to by his first name by dahlia/iris; ryuu-chan ("feenie" equivalent) and desiree; ryuuichi-kun ("nicky boy" equivalent). so apollo is referred to exclusively by his surname, because there isn't anyone who's associated with him who would feasibly use his first name.

THAT IS. UNTIL we meet datz who is the first (!!) character to use apollo's first name in japanese. this moment doesn't stand out in english because i KNOOWWW datz uses the AJ nickname which is very cute but he doesn't actually use that nickname the first time he indicates that he knows apollo in case 6-3!! phoenix's momentary confusion here is also explained because while he obviously knows apollo's full name, he's never heard anyone refer to him with it!!!

so phoenix's thoughts in japanese here were originally "housuke... wait, that bracelet! that's odoroki-kun!"

dhurke and later nahyuta (during the last moments of the 6-5 trial) also refer to apollo with his first name, which is... really nice!!! they're family!!!! i mourn the fact that this distinction isn't visible in english because most characters just call him apollo but it's special in japanese... it's only dhurke, nahyuta and datz who use his first name.... i'm normal i promise

funnily enough i sort of have the opposite issue with nahyuta, who is generally referred to as prosecutor sahdmadhi in english but nayuta-kenji (prosecutor) in japanese. i'm assuming this is because his name is written with his given name first unlike japanese names, so they just used his given name instead of his surname...? unfortunately we don't have an example of any other foreign prosecutor as reference (i'm excluding van zieks here because they DO use his surname but it's also an entirely different time and place) but i prefer the english here since it also makes it stand out when apollo, dhurke and datz (with yuty hehe) use his first name with him.

but then again... rayfa also refers to him as prosecutor sahdmadhi in english, but just calls him nayuta in japanese. there aren't a lot of characters rayfa refers to by name but generally she's either overly polite (with ga'ran and inga) or overly impolite (with phoenix and apollo). it makes sense that the way she calls nahyuta is a little unique, since he's of lower status than her but not enough to get a rude nickname fdjhja... and then of course at the end of the game she tries to call him onii-(chan? san? sama? we just don't know) which nahyuta interprets as oni (demon) i think the localization here is really impressive actually. they somehow managed to seamlessly fit braid head into the mix of barbed head and horn head (both nicknames that refer to their hairstyles) while braid also begins with the same letters as brother... anyway i think i slightly prefer that rayfa (and ga'ran) call nahyuta by his first name rather than by his prosecutor title, it's indicative of their higher status because of the lack of an honorific but by the end of the game it fits in with the idea of them all being family...

TGAA1-2

you would think that because tgaa opted to leave japanese honorifics in the dialogue that there wouldn't be any differences in how the characters refer to each other but there are... first of all kazuma and ryunosuke are once again male friends who refer to each other by their surnames without an honorific in japanese, but the english has them use their first names with each other instead. i can understand this change because characters using only their surnames with each other feels oddly distant in english, and while it worked for phoenix and edgeworth's relationship it definitely doesn't suit kazuma and ryunosuke's.

additionally, the way susato calls ryunosuke was also changed from naruhodo-sama to naruhodo-san. this is... also an interesting change since it requires the player to have some basic knowledge of japanese honorifics but for some reason decided to change it anyway, despite the fact that susato also uses -sama with kazuma... one thing to note is that susato does use kazuma's first name instead of his surname like she does with ryunosuke, which helps indicate their closer relationship despite her still showing respect with the -sama honorific. in that sense naruhodo-san feels like an interesting middle ground because she's still using his surname but doesn't seem to view his position with her as equal to kazuma's? i assume that was the intent of the localization, similarly to how the way kazuma and ryunosuke call each other was changed to indicate closeness to the english-speaking player

--

anyway while i do prefer the original japanese version most of the time, my general view of original vs localization is like wow! two cakes! i might prefer one of those cakes more, but the english version usually provides enough that i like that both canons exist. because of this i can't agree with the idea that all localization is bad nor the side that believes the original doesn't matter because you're engaging only with the english side of the fandom. both are good and can reveal interesting things about the characters, story and setting!!

and thank you for reading if you got this far 🙇 i'm not an expert at japanese so i try to do my research and use multiple sources to get a better view of things, so please let me know if i got anything wrong! i also recommend checking out this post if you haven't seen it already since it's where i got some pointers on the trucy and simon segments

[eand47]

Chapter V | Siri

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC), (more to be add)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, use of nicotine/cigarettes, use of weed/joint, slight smut, sexual content , mentions of alcohol, mentions of narcolepsy, conflict feelings, MINORS INTERACT ON YOUR OWN RISK (18+)

Word Count: 15,6K

<- previous chapter

NOTE: This chapter was rewritten like ten times and still I feel like it could of been better. As you can see from the warnings, there is some smut in it, as I decided to test the waters with it (please read the note at the end, as I don’t want to spoil anything for you at the beginning). I hope that you will enjoy the chapter as I tried to make it serious but also fun and unbelievable in some moments as it is usually in real life. Also a BIG BIG THANK YOU to all of you who comment, reblog, like and follow me it means the world to me 🥹🫶 And thank you for the sweet messages when I shared with you that I haven’t been feeling good this past week, you all are amazing human beings <3333

“It’s great, I was sure you gonna nailed it.” Dave tilted his head looking at me with a big grin spread across his face. I finished editing the footage for the music video last night and called him to meet me today for a coffee. We were sitting on a table for two in my favourite coffee shop. I was nervously biting on my nails, my brows frown not fully satisfied or convinced that the video was good enough.

“You sure? I don’t think it’s there yet.” I breathed out, rubbing my temples as I’ve already had a headache. “And I must send it by tomorrow as I promised Marco, a-and I must work on my short-cut as we start filming next week, a-a-and I don’t have location, I-I have nothing.” I gibbered, clicking on the computer mouse, opening different programs, trying to find a way to make it better. It was not good enough and I didn’t have much time left to sent it. “Why, why, why did I agree to do this?” Stress was taking over me these past days; I thought that I could manage a lot of things at the same time not realising that I was not ready for this yet.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Dave gently grabbed my hand and put the mouse away. He gently stared to run circles on my back trying to calm me down. “The video is amazing; you can’t do it any better than it is already.” He looked me in the eyes, and I could see that he meant what he was saying. “Take some deep breaths.” His tone was gentle. He put his arm around my shoulder pushing me closer to him. “You did great. Hell, I should show you the first video that I did, so you can see what a bad music video looks like.” I giggled at his attempt to cheer me up. I took a deep breath and tilted my head up as I could feel some tears building up in my eyes, ready to fall. “Hey, no crying.” Dave gently whipped the tear that rolled from the corner of my eye.

“I’m sorry, I’m not a cry baby I promise.” I chuckled trying to hold back the tears.

“I know you aren’t. I think you stressed yourself way too much.” His thumb continued to gently crease my cheek. I looked at him and nodded, my lip trembling. “The video is perfect, now save the files and just relax.” He reassured me again, giving me little squeeze on the shoulder.

“You are right.” I saved the files and closed the laptop. “Thank you, Dave.” I whispered, glancing at his sincere green eyes. He slightly nodded and gave me one of his sweet smiles.

“Don’t look at it anymore and just send it to their manager.” Dave let go of me and took a sip of his coffee. I also took a sip of mine and made a grimace. We stayed in silence for a second, as I was lost in my own thoughts, until Dave cleared his throat. “Can I... Can I ask you something?” He rubbed the back of his neck, unsure how to ask whatever he had in mind.

“Of course you can.” I turned all my attention to him.

“Is there something going on between you and I think his name was Ace?” His gaze focused on me.

“What? No, why?” My eyes were shifting between him and the coffee mug in my hands.

“Well, there was obviously some tension between you two on set, so I thought that you might... you know.” He awkwardly shrugged. I puffed and gave him a dismissive wave of with my hand.

“I was just pissed because he was late, that’s all.” I lied, something I caught myself doing a lot lately, especially when it came to Ace. “I hate it when people are not serious you know, and he wasn’t that day on set, so I got pissed.” This was not a lie. Ace did piss me off with his behaviour on set, not only for that, but Dave didn’t need to know.

“Yeah, that was a little annoying.” He agreed with me. “And arrogant.” Dave added. I side-eyed him for a second. “Honestly, from all the guys he was giving the weirdest vibes.”

“What do you mean?” I wanted him to elaborate more by what he meant by Ace being the ‘weirdest’.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. He is your friend after all.” The regret in his voice was clear as he quickly apologised but I shook my head.  

“We are not that close.” I pointed out. “But for real, why did you get this vibe from him? I personally think that Law is the weirdest.” I laughed, thinking of all the awkward situations I have had with Law. He was also the one I have spoken the least with.

“Nah, Law’s pretty cool.” Dave disagreed with me, nudging my shoulder. “Well, I don’t know... Ace was kinda giving me some weird looks.”

“What? For real?” I blinked surprised at Dave. “I didn’t notice anything. Are you sure he did?” Ace might be an ass from time to time, but I didn’t notice anything on set, he seemed pretty chilled with all of the guys.

“I don’t know, you are right and maybe I misread the situation.” I didn’t know what to respond, so I just gave him an awkward smile. “Look I didn’t want to bad mouth Ace or anything like it, I swear.” Dave run his hand over his hair, as he gave me a regretful look.

“Dave, please. You didn’t bad mouth anyone, if he did act like this then he is an ass.” I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. I didn’t want Dave to feel bad, for sharing his view of someone with me. “And I’m not going to tell him anything, so don’t worry.”

*************

I got home and the first thing that I did was to take a warm shower. I took of my clothes and throw them in the laundry basket. Before I got in the shower, I put some music on my phone and left it on the sink. I got in the shower and let the warm water run down my body. It helped relaxing my tensed muscles. The whole room was steamed, making everything foggy. The past few days were quite stressful for me and the upcoming ones wouldn’t be any different. From shooting the music video, to editing it and the stress if they were going to like it, to my upcoming short-cuts, my mind was going to explode. On top of it I couldn’t stop thinking about Ace, no matter how hard I tried not to. In a way he had gotten under my skin. He was so suffocating and hard to understand at times. His whole behaviour was so confusing, one second, he was all nice, bubbly and open with me and the next he was cold, and moody and overall, an asshole. I confidently can say that I’m good with reading people and understanding why they act the way they do, but Ace was another story. From what he had shared with me so far, I knew that he hadn’t had it easy in life. Especially growing up without parents, it definitely took a tool on him. I want to get to know him more and be his friend, but I’m not sure how much he would let me in his life and mind.

I couldn’t stop thinking of the afternoon we spent together on Saturday, if I was to make a cheesy movie, I would definitely recreate it. I was surprised even then how much he opened, but then so did I. Not even Nami and Usopp knew about my mother. Something that Saturday made me trust him and that same thing made him trust me. Part of me started to wonder, what if he regrated opening, as it might have been too soon, giving the fact we have known each other for almost a month. Then the scene with Samantha, and the way he was enjoying it, made my blood boil. The satisfaction in his eyes when I cut the scene right before their kiss, and the cocky smirk he had on his face, like he knew why I did it, only added fuel to my irritation with him. And the audacity to text me right after.

“Fucking Ace” I cursed under my breath as I felt myself getting irritated once again. Rubbing the bodywash up and down my body and the hot water washing it away, my mind was full of Ace. I tried to take my mind off him, but I couldn’t. I felt this warm feeling building up inside of me. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I ran one of my hands down my neck to my breast. Closing my eyes the first thing that my mind thought off was the feeling of when I was holding onto Ace’s torso while we were on his motorbike. “No, fuck.” My eyes shoot open as I shook my head quickly getting rid of the thoughts. I tried to calm myself as I was getting heated up. I reached for the towel hanged next to the shower door and wrapped it around myself. “Fuckin’ Ace.” I whispered to myself. “Fucking Ace.” I called out louder, as I smacked my hands on the sink. “Fuckin’, fuckin’ Ace.” I got mad at myself for letting him have such effect on me.

“Calling Ace.” My eyes widen as I heard Siri’s voice. I grabbed my phone as quick as possible, which had already dialled Ace’s number. Because of my wet fingers the screen wasn’t responding, no matter how fast I tried to cancel the call.

“Hey, doll.” His voice raspy and low. “You aren’t mad at me anymore?” He snorted.

“A-Ace.” My voice came out like I was out of breath. I slapped myself on the face.

“Uh... doll? Are you okay?” His voice sounded confused. “You sound a little out of breath.”

“So do you.” I quickly replied.

“You caught me in the middle of workout.” He huffed.

“Same.” I looked in the mirror at my reflection making a grimace at myself at the answer I gave him.

“And what are you working out?” He didn’t believe my answer at all, I could of hear it in his voice.

“Running.” I spatted out.

“So, you are working our running... interesting. How many are you running?”

“Five.”

“Five what, doll?” He laughed. “You ran out of words or something?” He teased me.

“Kilometres, five kilometres.” I scrunched my face as I mentally slapped myself, as I couldn’t come up with worse answer than this.

“Wow, impressive. We should run together sometime then.” I just hummed in respond to this. “And what made you call me?”

“I...um...I called you... because...” I tried to think of a quick excuse as I tighten the towel around my body. “Because of the video.” I blurted out.

“It’s done?” He sounded surprised.

“Yes, and you are the first one to know that, remember how you ask me to be the first one to know, there you go. You welcome.” I chuckled, regaining my confidence.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I did not.”

“Ace, you did.” Was he trying to irritate me, and it was working.

“I asked you to be the first one to see it, not the first one to know.” He clarified. I bit my tongue, the audacity this man had was unmatched. “So when can we watch it?”

“I am going to emailed it to Marco, but if you text me your email, I can send it to you as well.”

“No, come over my place and we can watch it together.” I was taken aback from his suggestion.

“I’m extremely tired, so thank you, but no.” I politely decline his offer.

“Take a nap, it’s barely 3PM, I will come and pick you up around six.” He didn’t tell or ask me; he literally commanded me.

“Ace I just told you I’m tired.” I hissed.

“Didn’t I give you a solution just a second ago?” He was testing my patience at this point.

“Ace, I’m not the type you can order around.” I rolled my eyes annoyed.

“Is that a challenged, doll?” He teased.

“Ace you are...” He didn’t let me finish.

“Charmin, I know. Now tell me what your plans for the night are?” I could feel the smug smirk on his face without even seeing him.  

“Sleeping.” I spatted.

“I promise I will get you back home the latest around ten.” Ace wasn’t going to give up.

“You won’t take ‘no’ for an answer, will you?” He clicked with his tongue. “Fine, but under one condition.” I sighed.

“Shoot.”

“You send me the address and I come by myself, because I’m not getting on that thing again.” He laughed as I referred to his motorbike as ‘that thing’.

“Sure, I’ll send you the address.” And with this he hung up. I ran my fingers through my wet hair and sighed deeply. I looked at my phone and whined.

“How? How did you hear ‘call Ace’, hu? Explain!” I was talking to my phone like it can respond to me. I didn’t know how to call this, but some cosmetic power out there was clearly beefing with me, as what just happened right now, was made up straight out of a movie.

**********

Around five-something pm, I woke up from the nap I took. I stretched my body and reached to take my phone and check the address that Ace sent me. It was thirty minutes away with the metro.

“Ops, guess I will be late.” I said to myself with a sly smile. Ace could wait for a little bit.

I put a pair of dark blue leggings on and just a white hoodie on top. I grabbed my bag, but first checked if I got everything with me. I left my place and went to catch the metro. After almost forty minutes I was in front of his front door. The area where Ace lived was quite nice depending on which side of it you live. He lived in the middle between the good and the bad side, which I found kind of ironic. From what I have gotten to know him so far, Ace was somehow always in between something. The building where he lived was old from the outside but renovated from the inside. He had sent me the code for the entrance door of the building, so I easily got in. His apartment was on the last floor and there was no elevator, so by the time I reached the seventh floor I was out of breath. I made a mental note to myself that I need to consider started working out. I chewed on my bottom lip as tension started to build up in me before I rang the bell, and a sight left my lips. I looked down as I was playing nervously with my fingers waiting for Ace to open the door. The door swinged open, and Ace stood in front of me. I lifted my head slowly and I was met with Ace’s bare upper body, as only a pair of grey sweatpants were hanging low on his hips. My eyes widen and I immediately looked away.

“You are late, doll.” A smug smirk was growing on his face as he saw me all flushed and avoiding his gaze.

“You are not the one to speak about who’s late or not.” I snapped quietly. He moved aside and let me in. I stepped inside and took off my shoes, kicking them on the side. Ace closed the door behind me, and I followed him. The apartment was spacious. By the entrance, on the left, was a door that was closed and next to it was the kitchen which wasn’t very big and had no door. From the small hallway we went straight to the spacious living room. The walls were anchor grey colour with some naked spots on most corners and you could see the bricks. The two big windows, on each side of the wall where a big TV was placed, were almost touching the floor, and some long off-white curtains were hanged on them. In the middle was a big L-shaped light grey couch with a square coffee table in front of it. In the right spaced corner Ace had a desk by the window, which was quite a mess with pencils and sheets of paper everywhere, even on the ground. By the desk were positioned three guitar stances, only two guitars placed there the third one missing. The corner wall there was covered in posters of different bands and artists. On the left side of the living room behind the couch almost to the corner was another door which was closed as well. The left side wall had another big window but that one didn’t reach the floor like the others. In front of it was big sideboard with a lot of picture frames on top of it. The apartment overall was super clean and tidy, which surprised me a little as I always thought of Ace as a messy guy.

“Wow, your place is amazing.” I said as he offered to take my bag, and I handed it to him, still avoiding looking at his direction. I sat on the couch where I saw the third missing guitar.

“Do you want to drink something? I have like coke and beer.” He came by the back of the couch and picked the guitar putting it back to its place.

“Is it zero?” I glanced at him, his back facing me. His broad back was defined with muscles. I always thought he had a back tattoo but apparently, I was wrong, instead the back of his shoulders was covered with freckles.

“Uh... I have to check.” He scratched the back of his neck as he smiled at me. I slowly nodded and moved my eyes away from his body as he left the room. My eyes landed on the paper sheets on the table and the pen on top of them. I tilted my head to take a better look at them.

“Do you want ice?” Ace yelled from the kitchen.

“Yes, please.” I yelled back. He came soon after with a can of Coke Zero and a glass full of ice. “Thank you.” I whispered as he handed it to me. I poured the Coke into the glass and took a big sip. Ace put the paper sheets away and sat on the other side of the sofa, leaning back as he spreads his legs like a slut, and pulled up his phone.

“Have you eaten?” He asked me without looking at me but scrolling on his phone.

“Uh, no I haven’t.” I murmured, swallowing hard.

“What do you want to eat?” He glanced at me.

“I don’t have preferences.” I shrugged. Ace looked again at me and sighed.

“Doll, relax please. You know you can lay or just lean comfortably, no need to be stiff at all. Feel at home, I mean it.” He threw one of the small pillows on the couch at me and I caught it. I didn’t say anything, I just hugged the pillow and leaned back on the couch. “So, I don’t know... Pizza?” Ace raised his eyebrows waiting for a respond.

“Sure, pizza is good.” I nodded.

“Have you tried this place ‘Pappa Grappa’ they have th-” I didn’t let Ace finished his sentence as I squeaked excitedly almost choking as I was taking a sip of the cola. Ace’s eyes widen at my reaction as he gave me a questionable look.

“Are you kidding me? They are the best! And oh my God, their chicken wings, have you tried them?” I moved to sit right next to him, excitement taking over me. Ace just shook his head in response to my question. I gasped. “Oh my God, Ace. Ace, Ace you must try them. You don’t understand those chicken wings taste like haven, like if haven was food it was going to be this chicken wings.” I grabbed him by the biceps and squeezed it, all my shyness left my body as I was babbling to him about the chicken wings. Ace smiled at my childish excitement.

“Doll, why don’t you take my phone and order whatever you heart desires and I just take care of the payment, hm?” He handed me his phone to take it.

“No, let’s split it thi-.” I insist but Ace shushed me fast.

“You are not paying for anything. Now choose whatever you want.” He leaned back on the couch, both arms behind his neck, eyes fixed on me. I wanted to protest, but arguing with Ace was impossible as he would never back up.

“But next time is on me.” I looked at him seriously.

“Yeah, sure.” He snorted. I couldn’t help but noticed that his abs tensed when he laughed. My eyes moved quickly back to his phone, as I felt a wave of heat hitting me up. I cleared my throat before I spoke.

“What pizza do you want?”

“Your choice.” I nodded to his response and went with my favourite pizza. Once I added the chicken wings as well, I handed him the phone so he could proceed with the payment. “So.. how are you doing, doll?” He put his phone in his sweatpants pocket and looked at me. Even though Ace had a smug look on his face, his eyes weren’t. His deep brown eyes had this soft look, nothing mischievous or mocking behind them, just pure softness.

“Been better, you?” I leaned on the couch, a bit of a space between us. I grab one of the pillows behind my back and put it on my lap as I brought my legs close to me and crossed them.

“Why’s that?” Ace frowned upon hearing my response.

“I’m just extremely stressed that is all.” I shrugged. “How have you been?”

“Same as always. Still stressed about your… short-cuts, was it called that?” He raised his eyebrow questioningly.

“Yeah, I haven’t found a location for the party scene, but I might ask Dave for help, as he might know someone who can let us film in his apartment.” I clicked with my tongue. Ace clenched his jaw as he hummed. “What?” I chuckled at his reaction.

“What, what?” He frowned his eyebrows.

“What was with that ‘reaction’?” I mimicked his jaw clenching and hum. Ace shook his head denying it.

“I never did this. But anyway, aren’t you here to show me the video?” He quickly changed the subject.

“Yes, I need my laptop.” I was about to stand up, but Ace stopped me and instead he did and brought me my bag. I thanked him and took the laptop out of my bag. I took a deep breath as I opened it, and it loaded. Ace sat closer to me this time, his body almost touching mine. “So, I edit it like thousand times, but this is the final edit. I was literally going crazy over it and Dave had to calm me down and reassured me that it is good.” A little giggle escaped my lips. I was too focused on the screen and didn’t see Ace rolling his eyes.

“I’m sure you did a good job.” Ace bit the inside of his cheek. I slightly tilted my head and side-eyed him, before opening the video file.

“Okay, are you ready?” I asked before pressing play. He nodded, his face emotionless. ‘Asshole’ I thought to myself, at lease he could pretend that he was excited to see his own video. I pressed play and the video started. My eyes were moving between the laptop and Ace the whole time, but I couldn’t read his face. His face was like a stone. I started to feel more and more uncertain with every passing second, biting on my nails now afraid of his reaction. What if he doesn’t like the video or worst hate it? My thoughts were running wild, while his eyes were glued to the screen. The video ended and I waited for his response.

“So…. What do you think?” I swallowed hard, the tension he was building was killing me.

“Oh, doll…” He clicked with his tongue, shaking his head as he pursed his lips. My eyes widen at his reaction.

“No, no, no.” I shook my head in distress. I jumped on my feet as I covered my face with my hands. “I knew you were going to hate it, I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” My eyes filed up with tears immediately and my lip started trembling.  

“No, no, hell, don’t cry, doll.” Ace jumped from the couch and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I was kidding, please, don’t cry.” He tried to calm me down.

“No, you are lying.” I didn’t believe him, his reaction said it out loud that he wasn’t happy with the video.

“No, I’m not.” He cupped my face in his hands making me look at him. “(Y/N), the video is amazing. I swear upon my dead mother I love the video, doll.” I blinked at him, as a tear rolled down my face. Ace quickly whipped it with his thumb. “Doll, please don’t cry. I just wanted to mess around with you a little, I swear.” He pulled me towards his chest and wrapped his arms around me. My heart skipped a beat. His skin was so warm and soft, yet his body felt so hard and muscular. I froze in his embrace. My heartbeat fastens, we have never been this close before, except from when were on his motorbike but that was different. I took a deep breath, and I got lightheaded. I never noticed how good Ace smelled - a woody, citrusy and musky notes perfectly mixed in one creating this intoxicating scent of a man. Ace let go of me after a moment and took a step back, lifting my chin up with two of his fingers looking at my eyes. “I’m sorry.” His eyes were sincere.

“You really like it?” My voice came out like a whisper.

“I don’t like it, I love it. I knew you can do it.” He moved a strand of my hair and gently put it behind my ear.

“You are an asshole. I hope you are aware of that.” I frowned my eyebrows at him, as I turned and sat on the couch, facing away from him. Ace smiled and sat next to me and pulled me closer to him with one hand. He wrapped it around my shoulder and whispered in my ear:

“I am. But please don’t be mad at me, doll.” His breath was hot on my skin, and I got goosebumps all over my body. I turned my head to look at him our faces inches apart. I slightly open my mouth to say something, but nothing came. My brows still frowned as I was still affected. He was just observing me, not saying anything, his eyes soften again.

“I should be packing my stuff and leave now but be thankful that I’m starving otherwise I would have been gone by now.” I finally told him, turning my head away from him. Ace heartly laughed and nodded agreeing with me. His phone rang and he quickly picked up – it was the delivery guy and Ace told him that he was going to come down in a second.

“Faster.” I yelled after him as I heard him opening the front door. He just laughed in response before closing it. I huffed and looked around. My eyes land on the big sideboard with the picture frames. I got up from the couch and went to look at them. They were mostly of him with his brothers or friends. I picked the one of all three of them as kids smiling wide with one front tooth missing, Luffy looking so much smaller than his big brothers, they were no older than eight or nine years old.

“Snooping around?” Ace said behind me. I jumped a little as I didn’t hear him coming back at all.

“Sorry, hope you don’t mind me looking at the pictures.” I chuckled still holding the frame. “This is super cute picture.” I pointed out.

“Wanna hear the story behind it?” I nodded eagerly as I handed him the framed photo. “So, me and Sabo lost the same front tooth at the same time. I think we were around nine years old. And to not feel left out, five years old Luffy went, and till this day we don’t know how he managed but took out the exact same tooth. Kid was so happy that he was matching with us, until he had to wait two years for the tooth to grow back.” Ace placed the picture on its place and we both laughed when he finished the story.

“This is so funny, but I feel so bad for poor little Luffy.” I cooed.

“Yeah, poor Luffy.” He smiled. “Come on, doll. Your wings are here, don’t want them to get cold, do you?” He pinched my cheek and turned around. Just before I followed him, my eyes landed on a picture that caught my attention. I gasped, Ace heard me and tilted his head to look at me. I carefully picked the frame in my hands. The picture was of a woman. Her hair was long very light strawberry blonde colour, a hibiscus flower was placed behind her left ear. She was smiling, her dark brown eyes were full of life and her face was cover with freckles. Ace came and stood closer to me, not saying anything.

“That’s you mom, right?” I looked at him, he was looking at the picture with so much adoration and softness. He softly hummed in response. “God, Ace she was gorgeous.” I whispered. Looking at her now I understood where Ace got his beauty from.

“I know.” He softly said.

“You look so much her.” I smiled at him. Ace looked at me with wide eyes, full of surprise and shock.

“What?” He breathed out. I put the picture back making sure I positioned it as it was before I picked it up.

“What? D-did I said something wrong?” I blinked confused.

“N-no, you are just the first person who has ever said this to me.” There was both surprise and sadness in his voice. I raised my brows not expecting to hear this.

“Are you kidding me? You are literally like her twin.” Ace swallowed hard when he heard my words. It didn’t take me long to realise that I stuck something within him with my words. I saw his reaction and gently took his hand in mind and gave it a squeeze. “I think there are some very delicious chicken wings and pizza waiting for us.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him trying to distract him from his thoughts. Ace cleared his throat and nodded, shaking the thoughts away. We sat down on the coach, and I excitedly started taking the food out of the bag.

“Could you please bring two plates and a lot of napkins please?” I flutter my eyelashes at him. He quickly got up and did exactly what I told him to do. He came back and handed me the plates as he sat down closer to me this time. “So, are you ready, to try the most tender, mouth-watering, making you taste haven, juicy, flavoury rich, orgasm reaching chicken wings in the world?” I seriously said while looking at Ace in the eyes. He covered his mouth trying to hold his laughter but his whole body was shaking. I opened the box with the wings and smelled it breathing out loudly. I took two and handed one of it to Ace.

“Now, this is not an ordinary chicken wing, so you eat them a certain way.” I lift my finger in the air pointing out how important it was for him to listen to me carefully now. “You grab the wing, you place it in your mouth and then just bite on it and pull out the bone. They are so tender that a gentle bite strips all the meat, you got it?” I pointed my finger at him.

“Got it.” He lifted his hands in the air, like he was under arrest. I gave him a cheer with the wing and nodded letting him know that he can eat now. I did the same, the moment the juiciness and the BBQ sauce touched my tongue I couldn’t stop the moan that left my lips. I leaned on the couch as I was enjoying the taste, my eyes closed. Ace was taken aback from my reaction last thing he expected was to hear me moan. He swallowed and licked his lips, looking at me.

“Doll, you good?” He lifted his head a bit to look at my face.

“I’m having soul orgasm now, please don’t interrupt me.” I lifted my hand to his face to make him stop talking. Ace burst out laughing, he put the plate to the side as he grabbed on his stomach. “What are you laughing at? This is better than sex.” I chuckled.

“Look, doll. The wings are good, I give you this – you were right about them, but…” He took a breath trying to calm himself down. “Nothing can beat sex.” He shook his head at me as he opened the pizza box taking a slice of it.

“Sex is overrated.” I disagreed with him as I took another wing, enjoying the test of it. Ace snorted out when he heard me.

“Doll, all respect here, but if you have slept only with boys who had no idea how to please a woman, that’s on them, not sex.” He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes at his comment. “Why the eye rolling? You know I’m right. Come on, if it’s not that personal and uncomfortable for you… have you never you know… had a mind blowing sex?” He deeply exhaled; his eyes were full of curiosity a little devilish smile playing on his lips. I sighed gesturing him to hand me a slice of pizza. He did and I thanked him, as I took a bite of it. I lifted my finger to tell him to give me a second before I response.

“I’ve done it only once so far, and it was bad, like embarrassing bad.” Shivers ran down my spine as I remembered my first time. My face cringed at the thought of it.

“Sorry to hear that, doll.” He chuckled before taking a bite of his slice. “When was it?”

“Last year.” I replied. “Yours?” I glanced at him.

“I was seventeen.” I got surprised by his answer. “What?” He noticed my reaction.

“Nothing just… I thought… I don’t know… like you are going to say something like fifteen.” I shrugged.

“I wish.” Ace huffed and we shared a laughed. ”But seriously, just because one guy did you bad, doesn’t mean all of them will.” I gave him a look and rolled my eyes at him. “Hey, take it as an advice from a friend.” He pointed his finger at me.

“Sure, Ace, sure.” I gave him a thumb up, as I was taking another wing.

“Hm, come here.” Ace gestured me with two fingers to lean towards him. I did and he ran his thumb on the corner of my lips. “You had a little sauce on you, doll.” He licked his finger clean.

“You could give me a napkin.” I remarked licking my lips.

“Why? I can always clean you good.” He smirked at me. I facepalmed myself, shaking my head as I tried not to laugh. I couldn’t deny it, but I always have fun around Ace. The moment I relax around him it feels like I could be myself without any modesty. We finished eating and I stood to clean the table, but Ace stopped me again and told me that he would take care of it. I checked the time, and it was already 9PM.

“Wanna smoke one?” Ace asked me when he finished cleaning around.

“Oh, I don’t smoke cigarettes. Plus, I have to go it’s getting late.” I half smiled at him.

“Stay the night, you can sleep in my bed, I can sleep here.” Ace shrugged as he sat next to me again. “And I didn’t mean cigarettes, I have some weed… you know we can roll one.” He winked at me, a little smirk playing on his lips.

“Thanks Ace, but some other time. I must search for a place where I can shoot the party scene tomorrow, as I have like five days until it’s my turn to film it.” I leaned my head on the back of the couch and tilted it towards Ace.

“I can help you with this just stay the night, plus I’m ether driving you, as I will not let you go alone at that time, or you stay here for the night.” His face might not seem stern, but his tone was.

“Am I a hostage now?” I lightly chuckled and pouted my lips.

“Hostages don’t have choice, but you do.” He raised his eyebrows waiting for my response.

“I don’t have anything with me Ace, not even a toothbrush.”

“I can give you one. Something else you would need, doll?” He leaned closer to me, his eyes locked with mine. I inhaled and exhaled deeply, shaking my head.

“You are so persistent.” I pushed him on the chest. Ace laughed at me before he got up from the couch.

***************

We shared a joint and now we were laying on the couch, soft music was playing in the background from the speaker. Ace was lounged on the couch, hands behind his neck, his head propped on the back of the couch. I was laying on the couch with my head leaned on Ace’s lap. I felt so high, as I couldn’t remember the last time I smoked weed. The silence between us was terrifically comfortable.

“Ace...” I whispered tilting my head up, to take a better look at him. He hummed in response not looking at me. “What made you believe in me?”

“What do you mean, doll?” His voice raspy and low, almost like a whisper.

“You had never seen any of my work, yet you trusted me enough to direct your band’s first and most important video...” I took a deep breath. “Why?” Ace didn’t respond at first.

“I don’t know, doll. I had a feeling, so I went with my gut.” He finally looked at me, his eyes were half lidded as usually but this time they were so red. He was probably as high as me. I slowly nodded moving my gaze to the wall covered with posters, knowing that I won’t get any further answers from him. As I was lost in my own thoughts I felt his hand on my head, his fingers running through my hair. This made me relax even more. “But I wasn’t wrong.” Ace broke the silence. “You did great, doll. Believe more in yourself.” My heart skipped a beat when I heard him saying this.

“It’s hard, you know?” I whispered. “I can’t shake the ‘imposter’ feeling in me, no matter what people tell me.” I quietly confessed. “It doesn’t mater how good something turns out to be, it is never a hundred percent perfect, you know? Like it can aways be better, yet it can never be perfect. Nothing can ever be perfect...” My voice was so low, I wasn’t even sure if Ace heard me. His fingers moved slowly and gently to my cheek caressing it. I leaned into his touch closing my eyes.

“I know what you mean, doll.” He softly said, voice still low and raspy. “I feel the same, after every show. I have been living with the ‘imposter’ syndrome my whole life.” I was listening carefully to Ace, as he was opening to me again. “I wish... I wish, I have been feeling, as an imposter, only for when it comes music, but... I feel that way about everything, even life itself.” I turned my head to look at his face. His eyes were looking at me. Sadness and doubt could have been read in them. I turned my body to the side and placed a hand on his chest, heart beating steady. His fingers still on my cheek as he was running them up and down slowly. “I feel like I’m bringing the guys down all the time. After every performance we have I’m a mess... and the feeling of not being good enough for anything never leaves.” My heart ached for him. Not only because I knew what he meant as I related to him, but because he didn’t deserve to feel this way. Ace was very talented and a good person as well, even when he was acting like an ass sometimes, but now more than ever I understood why... it was all an act, to protect himself. “Don’t even get me started on the family shit...” He huffed.

“Now I understand why ‘What's eating Gilbert Grape’ is a movie you related to.” Ace huffed again, but this time with a half smirk. I rose up and sat on the couch. I moved closer to Ace, who’s hands were now rested on the back of the couch. His head still leaned back on, he just side-eyed me. I slowly lifted my hand and without words, just with an exchange of looks I asked for permission if I could touch him. Ace barely nodded as he blinked letting me know without words or big gestures that I can touch him. I slowly ran my fingers through his dark locks. His hair was thick and little wavy, so soft in touch.

“Yea, even thought we are the same age with Sabo, I have always been the big brother, and I had to be the man in the house on top of it. A lot of my life choices were based on how it would affect them, but I can’t complain really, can I?” He might have said it like a joke, but the hint of bitterness was as clear as a glass. “You know, I might be twenty-five but sometimes I feel like I’m forty-five, life is so tiring at time.” I only nodded, not sure what to say and not knowing if I should say something in a first place. Ace closed his eyes, and I continued to play with hair by running my fingers thought it.

“You know...” I took a deep breath before I continue. “I might not have siblings or had the exact same difficulties in life as you... but I can always listen and be there for you, as I understand what it feels like, under different circumstances than yours of course, but still... After all what are friends for?” I placed a small smile on my face and swallowed hard, the word ‘friend’ was starting to take a bitter taste on my tongue. Ace opened his eyes and looked at me.

“Sure, doll. I’ll keep this in mind.” A half smile appeared on his lips. After a moment of silence Ace spoke first.

“You look tired, wanna go to sleep?” I didn’t want the night to end, yet. But even high I could sense that this conversation affected him in some way, and I didn’t want to push any further. I just nodded in respond to his question. He got up from the couch and I followed him. Ace opened the door to the room that was behind the couch and switched on the lights. The walls in the room were entirely naked all the bricks visible. In the middle was a big wooden pallet bed. In front of it was a big bookcase covering the entire wall. He had all sorts of books, movies and CDs on it. On the right side of the bed, next to the wall he had two black clothing racks, all his clothes hanged there. The left side had a big window with two white long curtains hanged on both ends.

“Do you want to change in something more comfortable?” He leaned on the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. I didn’t pay him much attention as I was admiring his film collection, reading all the titles he had.

“You have so many DVDs.” I exclaimed amazed, I knew Ace was a big movie fan already, but I didn’t know about his DVDs collection. I was even more surprised to see that a lot of them were also quite recent movies. “You know streaming platforms exist nowadays.” I teased him and tilted my head to look at him. Giggle escaped my lips, as I saw Ace faced flushed for a first time ever. I quickly stood in front of him and poked him on his stomach, as he was trying to avoid my gaze. “I didn’t know you are such a geek.” I poked him again and he tensed his muscles after every poke.

“I’m not, I just like to collect things that I like.” He grabbed my wrists before I land another poke on him. He tried to give me a warning look as I tried to fight him.

“Geek, geek.” I couldn’t stop giggling as I could see him getting more and more flushed.

“Okay that was it.” Ace said before he yanked my body and tossed me on his shoulder with an ease. I squeaked, everything around me spinning from the fast motion.

“Ace, put me down.” I closed my eyes, still trippy from the weed. “Ace, Ace please.” I whined and begged him. He was laughing at me as I was squeaking and kicking my feet in the air, my arms around his torso as I was afraid that he would drop me.

“Not so confident now doll, hu?” He tossed me up on his shoulder again and I screamed closing my eyes as I thought he was going to drop me. Ace laughed out loud as he gently laid me down on the bed. The soft mattress hit my back as Ace propped his arms on both sides of my body. His face buried at the crock of my neck. Ace couldn’t stop laughing, his body and muscles trembling and tensing. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and goosebumps ran all over my body. He slowly lifted his head and looked at me. Both of us were still high, I could see the redness in his eyes as we locked our gazes. His laughter calmed down and his eyes darken. I felt my mouth run dry as I tried to swallow the burning feeling inside of me. All that could be heard was the muffled music from the living room and our slowed breathing. The deja-vu from the Halloween party hitting my memories. This time I didn’t close my eyes as I did before. He was studying my face the same way I was his. My heartbeat quickens, and I slowly raised my hand placing it on his chest. His skin was so soft. Ace closed his eyes as he drew a sharp breath in. I could feel his heartbeat matching mine. We stayed like this for a moment. I slowly moved my hand up to the back of his neck, the urge to pull him closer to me taking over me, but I still hesitated. Ace wasn’t moving at all and closed his eyes, as his breathing got heavy. His whole body tensed as he tried to move away from me. He sat on his keens on the bed and his eyes shoot open in panic. I push myself up on my elbows with a confused look on my face.

“Doll, have I told you that I have narcol-“ Ace couldn’t finish his sentenced as his eyes rolled back and his whole body went numb. My body rose immediately and caught Ace by the arm, pulling him towards me with all the straight I have had in me. My heart was going to explode as I didn’t know what to do, and the fact that if I didn’t react so fast Ace was going to hurt himself so bad. His body was laying in my arms, as I gently placed him on the mattress.

“Ace.” I whispered trying no to panic, as I had no idea how to help him. The only thing that kept me as calm as it was possible to be in this situation, was the fact that he was breathing steady. I gently tucked a lock of hair away from his face and placed my hand on his cheek and caressed it. My thoughts were running wild, as I had no idea how long he was going to be passed out like this. I pulled my phone out from the pocket on my hoodie and started to type fast what to do in situations like this one. My eyes were moving between the screen and Ace all the time. A few minutes later Ace started to open his eyes. I froze on the bed not being able to move as I didn’t want to scare him or something. He covered his face with his hands and rubbed his temples.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ace groaned loudly, as he looked at me with worry and embarrassment written all over his face. “Doll, I’m so sorry. Please, tell me are you okay? Did I fall on top of you? Are you hurt?” He sat on the bed but kept a distance between us.

“I-I’m okay, are y-you okay? What happened?” I blinked at him, the shock of what had happened still haven’t left my body.

“I’m sorry, if I scared you.” He shook his head as he cursed under his breath. “I’m narcoleptic, guess I forgot to mention it before.” He mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with me. I reached and placed my hand on his knee squeezing it.

“Ace, it’s okay. I just got panicked because I didn’t know what to do to help you. Does this happen... a lot?” My brows frowned slightly as I was concerned about him. Ace finally looked at me. He rubbed his chin and shook his head.

“Kinda, but I haven’t had a cataplexy attack in the past eight months.” He seemed lost in his own thoughts. Now that I know that he is narcoleptic, this explains why half of the time he looked so tired or emotionless. “And you don’t need to do anything, the attack passes by itself in a few minutes, and I’m still conscious in the meantime anyway.” He shrugged as he explained to me.

“Does your body hurt? I caught you in time, before you hurt yourself bad, but still I had to pull you quite hard...” I moved closer to Ace, and he snorted.

“I’m all good, doll. Don’t worry I have fallen quite a lot, so I’m used to take hits.” I pouted at him when he tried to turn this into a joke.   

“Ace, it’s not funny.” I murmured. “Do you take pills for it?” I softly asked him.

“Yeah, I do. Everyday, as I have type one narcolepsy.” He gave me one last look before he got up from the bed. “If you want to change into something more comfortable take something from my clothes.” He was about to walked out of the room when I stopped him.

“You can sleep in your bed, I can sleep on the couch it’s not a problem at all, or I can call myself uber an-“ He didn’t let me finish.

“Doll, go to sleep. I’m fine, just don’t pity me now, okay.” His face was serious, while his voice was more laid.  

“I’m not pitying you.” I quickly replied as I frowned my eyebrows again.

“Good.” He said as he grabbed the doorhandle to close the door after himself. “Night, doll.”

“Goodnight, Ace.” I quietly called after him as he closed the door. I sighed looking at the closed door. He was so stubborn sometimes, most of the time actually. I got from the bed to change to one of his t-shists. I found a simple white t-shirt that looked like it would sit on me like a dress, so I took my clothes off and put it instead. I turned off the lights and got into his bed. The room was not completely dark as the curtains were open and some streetlight was reflecting. I buried my head in the pillows, which smelled so much like him. Thoughts were running all over my mind and all of them were about Ace. I was tossing and turning around until sleep took over me.

**********

In the morning, I woke up around ten something. I rose and sat in the bed for a second, looking around. A yawn escaped my lips as I reached to grab my phone. My eyes widen with shock as I saw I had a message from one of the actors for my short-cut film asking where I was, as we had arranged a meeting today in the morning. I quickly called them and apologised, asking them if they could still meet me in thirty minutes. Thankfully they could so I quickly got up from the bed and dressed myself with my cloths, tossing the white shirt on the unmade bed.

“Ace?” I called out when I stepped outside the room. I looked around for him everywhere, but I couldn’t find him. Finally, I saw a note on the coffee table. I grabbed the note and read it.

“I have some early morning stuffs that I must do, I left you toothbrush in the bathroom. Eat something. There is a spear key by the door, lock it and drop it inside the mailbox. Ace” I read out loud. An unpleasant feeling set in my stomach. I didn’t expect at all to wake up and not to see him. I shook the feeling away and ran to the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth. I found the spear key and locked the door behind me, dropping the key back in the mailbox. I quickly ran down the stairs and then to the metro station. While I was in the metro, I typed a short message to Ace that I dropped his key in the mailbox and thanked him for letting me stay over last night. It was so cold outside today; I was freezing with the leggings and the hoodie only. I got to the university as fast I could. Running down the hallway I ran into someone’s back accidently as I couldn’t pass by them on time.

“I’m so, so sorry.” I turned to tell them, only to be met with Dave’s green eyes.

“(Y/N), why are in such hurry?” He smiled at me, confusion written on his face.

“I forgot that I have a meeting with my actors for the short-cut and they have been waiting for me for an hour now.” I quickly explained.

“Ohh shit, then run, catch you later.” He sent me off as he flashed me another smile. I returned the smile and ran to the room where the actors were waiting for me. I apologised to them again, but they brushed me off by saying that they understood.

“Okay, let me get my laptop and we can go through the script.” I smiled at all four of them. “Fuck, no” I cursed as realisation hit me. I forgot my backpack at Ace’s place. I ran my fingers thought my hair pulling it as I tried to take some deep breaths and calm myself down. I have everything on my phone as well so it shouldn’t be a problem. They all locked at me confused as I turned around. I explained quickly what I have done, and they shared some looks between themselves. I couldn’t blame them; I was all over the place today.

“I have it on my phone so it shouldn’t be a problem.” I pulled my phone which had only thirty percent battery left. ‘Perfect, just perfect’ I thought to myself, before I started the meeting with the guys.

After an hour and a half, we were done, as we even had some time to rehears and improvise the scenes. I thanked them and told them that I will send more information regarding their rolls tonight. They bit me goodbye and left. With the remaining five percent that I had left, I texted Ace a quick message that I have forgotten my bag at his place, and I really need it as I have everything in it, even the keys to my apartment, and I would be grateful if he could bring it to me. While waiting for a response from Ace, I texted Dave to see if he was still around school. He quickly replied to meet him in the chill aera. I made my way there and he was sitting with some classmates of his. He greeted me with a big smile as always and made me some space to sit next to him.

“How was the meeting?” He asked as he saw my tired face.

“Uh, don’t ask, I made a fool of myself in front of them. They probably think that I have no idea what I’m doing, and they won’t be wrong. I’m all over the place today, I even forgot my bag so I had to work from my phone, which has no battery left.” I complained and I buried my head in the palms of my hands. Dave laughed at me and softly ran circles on my back.

“Nah, you are beating yourself up again.” He spoke. “Also, what Marco thinks of the video? Did he like it?” I almost broke my neck when I raised my head fast, as I totally forgot to sent Marco the video. Dave saw my reaction and frowned. “Please, don’t tell me you forgot to send it to him.” I slowly nodded my head at his question, biting on my lips hard. “Call him and apologies immediately, as this will come out very unprofessional.” Dave handed me his charger so I could plug my phone to charge. The moment it started to charge I called Marco immediately. I explained to him the situation and he told me not to worry much just to make sure to sent it to him by four o’clock today. I thanked him and we ended the conversation.

“Well, that went well.�� I exhaled as I sat back down next to Dave. I checked my phone, but I still had no response from Ace. “He gave me time until four o’clock.” I told Dave. He patted me on the shoulder.

“Why don’t you go home and send it now?” He suggested.

“Because I wasn’t at home last night and even my keys are in my backpack.” I mumbled. ‘Why wasn’t Ace responding?’ was all I could think about. “Sorry, what?” I asked Dave to repeat as he was asking me something, but I didn’t pay him attention.

“I was asking whe-“ He got interrupted by my phone ringing. It was an unknown number and I hesitated before I picked up.

“Hello?” I spoke.

“Hey, (Y/N). It’s me Luffy.” Luffy’s cheerful voice filled up my ears.

“Oh, hey Luffy. What’s up?” I was so confused. How did he get my number and why was he calling me.

“Ace gave me your number to contact you, as he said you forgot you bag at his place last night and I must bring it to you as soon as possible. So where are you?” My whole mood changed in the span of a second. Why was Ace making Luffy do this? And the thing that offended me was, couldn’t he texted me and tell me that Luffy will do it? I would have understood him that he was busy or whatever he was doing right now, but this... this hurt me a bit.

“(Y/N) are you still on the phone?” Luffy’s voice brought me back to Earth.

“Yes, yes, sorry. Um, I’m in university but I can meet you somewhere close to your place, as we live close by, and I need to go home anyway.” I suggested.

“Okay, perfect. How does it sound in one hour, as I need some time to get to Ace’s place.”

“Yeah, sure. See you in an hour Luffy.”

“See you.” He said before hanging up.

The pang in my chest was very unpleasant. Why did he do that? I checked my messages, and he haven’t even marked them as read. Did I do something? I started to recall last night in my memories to think of something that might have triggered this behaviour in him, but I couldn’t think of anything. I felt a hand on my knee, I looked up and I met Dave’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” His voice sounded concerned.

“Yeah, just tired.” I gave him a half smile. “Hey, by the way by any chance do you know anyone who might be up to let me use their apartment for my short-cut, as mine is way too small?” I asked him, as this was another thing that I had to stress about.

“I must check with my friends, but I will let you know.”

“Thank you, I will also need some extras so if you know anyone who wants to be in front of camera give them my number.” I chuckled.

“I need your number first, before I can give it to other people, you know?” He winked at me.

“What? You don’t have it?” I exclaimed surprised. Dave clicked with his tongue and shook his head. I gestured him to give me his phone so I could put my number in it. “There you go.” I nodded at him as I handed him the phone back. I looked at the time and decided that I must leave to where me and Luffy agreed on meeting. “Thank you for the charger.” I gave it back to Dave.

“Any plans for tonight?” He asked me before I leave.

“No, but I’m planning to stay at home as I really need one night by myself.” I exhaled loudly as I was really tired.

“I understand. Well, if you change your mind let me know.” He got up and hugged me goodbye.

**********

I waited for Luffy close by the supermarket that I knew it was close to his place. The weather got even colder and at this point I was freezing. I was bouncing on one leg to the other trying to keep myself somehow warm as I couldn’t feel my toes.

“(Y/N).” I heard Luffy’s voice calling and I turned around. He had a big grin across his face. I waved and started to walk toward him to meet halfway. Luffy gave me a big warm hug. “You are freezing.” He pointed out as he handed me my bag.

“Thank you Luffy, you are a life safer.” I sniffed.

“Come on, I will walk with you.” He said and we headed towards my place. “So how have you been lately?”

“Well, been better, very stressed lately. But once next week is over, I will be able to finally relax.” I smiled at him as shivers run down my body.

“Do you want my hoodie as well, I have a t-shirt underneath.” That was so nice of him, but I shook my head. “Are you sure?” He asked, his eyes full of concern.

“I’m sure.” I nodded. “But how are you? Haven’t seen you since Halloween.”

“Prety good, preparing for competition.” He responded.

“What competition?”

“Oh, you might not know but I run marathons. I have already won five, but this one is nothing big, only for people from my university.” He explained.

“Wait, you go to university?” I had no idea that Luffy studied, Nami and Usopp have never mentioned anything, and so did Luffy.

“Yeah, I’m studying animation.” His smile grew even bigger.

“What? Are you for real?” My eyes widen in surprise. I would have never guessed that Luffy was studying something as hard as animation, I didn’t even know that he can draw.

“Shihihih, yes, I am.” Luffy laughed at my reaction. “Don’t worry everyone react like this, I’m not the smartest out there, but I’m not stupid.” He raised his chin. “I might be a little dumb sometimes tho.” He nudged my arm. We laughed together. “But why are you so stressed?”

“Well, your brothers video first, it was a big challenged. And second the short-cut projects, maybe you have heard about it from Nami or Usopp. I need to find a nice apartment as soon as possible where I can shoot my film.” Tension took over my body once again.

“I can ask Sanji. He lives in a very nice and big apartment, I’m sure he wouldn’t say not.” Luffy pulled out his phone and quickly typed something in it. “Done.” He grinned at me. “I will let you know when he response.”

“Oh my God, Luffy you shouldn’t have to. Thank you so much.” I gave him a hug. He laughed again.

“Nothing to thank me for, Sanji still haven’t replied.”

“But still just the fact that you asked him, is so nice of you.” I smiled at him again. Luffy rubbed his chin and turned his head to look at me.

“By the way, is something going on between you and my brother?” Another thing about Luffy was that he was very straight forward.

“No, nothing. We are just friends, that’s all.” The bitter feeling came back, as I answered Luffy’s question. “Why?”

“It was just super strange, like... Ace never lets girls sleep over his place, so when he called me today in the morning to tell me to bring you your stuff, I got quite surprised.” He didn’t seem to give it a second thought, for which I was glad. But also, what he said caught my attention. Why wouldn’t Ace let girls stay over his place? That was strange.

“No, Luffy. Nothing is going on between your brother and I.” I repeated to assure myself more than him. “He just wanted to see the video first and then we just chitchat and it got late, and he offered me to stay over as I was super tired.” Part of what I said was true. “But could you please not tell anyone, as I don’t want people to get the wrong idea, you know...” I looked down at my fingers and nervously played with them.

“Didn’t plan to tell anyone anyway.” He winked at me. We reached my place, and we turned to face each other. “I will let you know when Sanji response.” He hugged me.

“Thank you, Luffy. You are the best.” I said returning the hug. We said goodbye and I ran to my apartment as I was freezing. The first thing I did when I got inside was to turn my laptop on and sent all the files to Marco. I made myself a cup of tea to warm myself. When all the files for the video were sent to Marco I relaxed a bit. I looked the at clock and it was barely 3PM. Instead of wasting time I pulled my sleeves up and started to work on my final touches for the short-cut. I was so focused on work I didn’t realise that almost two hours had passed since I last checked my phone. I had a couple missed calls from Marco, a message from Luffy and one from Usopp. I returned the call to Marco immediately before checking the messages from Luffy and Usopp. The phone rang a few times before he picked up.

“Hey, Marco. Sorry for not retur-“ Marco interrupted me mid sentence.

“(Y/N), great job with the video. I love it and so did the guys. We will release it on Tuesday. You definitely have the talent for it, kid. Keep the good work going.” He ended the phone call so fast I couldn’t process what he just told me. I just nodded to myself before checking the messages from Luffy and Usopp.

‘Sanji said that you can use his apartment, here is his number to contact him for more info.’ I got so happy when I read Luffy’s message. I immediately texted Sanji to thank him and to ask if I could meet with him and see the apartment so I could do my floor plan. Then I moved to Usopp’s message in which he congratulated me on the video.

‘Thank you, for helping me <3’ I texted Usopp back.

I couldn’t stop myself from checking if Ace at least marked the messages as read. He didn’t. Part of me wanted to text him and ask if he was mad at me for something, but I didn’t. He was in one of his moods again. I would just need to wait until he was in the mood to talk with me again, but I’m not sure how much I would want to speak with him then. I tried to shake him off my mind, as I got back to work.

********

The gym was almost empty due the fact that it was Friday night, so most people were skipping today, so they could get ready for a night out. Law glanced at Ace, who was too focused on his bench press set. Ace was clearly disturbed today, as he hasn’t been this moody in a while.

The music was blasting in Ace’s ear as he was focused on his set, not paying attention to anything else. Last night was on repeat in his mind as he couldn’t get (Y/N) off from his mind. The things they shared, how much he had opened to her, something he had never done before with another girl. On top of it he let her sleep not only in his house but in his bed. He broke his main rule, no girls over his house. Especially his bed, as in his mind that meant letting someone in your very personal space. And Ace hated to have people not close to his heart invading it. In the morning when he woke up, he had to go to his room as he had to get dressed for the day, but he had forgotten to take some clothes the night before. He entered the room as quietly as possible and quickly grabbed the first pair of jeans and a hoodie he could see. Ace couldn’t contain himself and took a glance at (Y/N)’s sleeping form. She was sleeping peacefully all wrapped up in the bedsheets, hugging one of his pillows. Ace smiled at the sight of her. ‘Yeah, you look like the type that likes to cuddles’ he thought to himself. He cursed under his breath for even thinking that and quickly left the room. No woman before has been let this close to him. He was letting (Y/N) too much into his life. Not only this, but he has never had a cataplexy attack in front of a girl. Yes, he has had his daily narcolepsy episodes in front of girls, but never to a point where his muscles weakness. Part of him was embarrassed, but he was more concerned about the fact that she had this effect on him. On the other hand, it was good that it happened as Ace knew he was about to lose it last night. The way she wrapped her arms around him wanting him closer, knowing that she wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to kiss her. God he was going to take her right there on the spot. And the moan that had left her lips when they were eating, he could listen to this for hours. He could only imagine how sweet it would sound to listen her moaning and whining under him while he has his ways with her. Whoever had his way with her must be a fool to messed it up so badly. But it didn’t mater, as Ace was not going to step over that line with her. She wasn’t a girl for a one-night stand, and he couldn’t give her what she deserved so he had to keep his distance from now on. Ace wasn’t a relationship guy, neither he planned to be anytime soon. So, for a bit he must distance himself form (Y/N) for her own good.

Law dropped the dumbbells he was using and went to where Ace was working out. He was in the middle of his set when he saw Law standing next to his bench to spot him. Ace grunted and breathed out loudly, once he finished with the set and put the barbel back. He rose from the bench sitting up, pulling his headphones on the side.

“I don’t need you to spot me.” He spat at Law.

“I can see that.” Law crossed his arms over his chest as he glanced at the added weight to the barbel. “But you kinda going to die on the spot if you fall asleep pushing 160kg, you know.” He pointed out.

“I wish I can go away that easy.”  Ace murmured before grabbing his water bottle and taking a sip.

“What’s up with you Ace?” Law face got serious and so did his tone. Ace gave him an annoyed look.

“Nothing.” He replied putting his headphones back before he laid on the bench press for another set. Ace rolled his eyes as he saw Law not moving away, but instead standing to spot him. He finished with his set and got up to add some more weight to the barbel. Law was just looking at him, wondering what got him so heated up. Adding how stubborn Ace was, Law knew that it would take him some time to make Ace tell him about what was bothering him.

“Pushing for a new personal record?” Law looked down at Ace as he loaded the weight. He didn’t get any response from Ace as the music was blasting in his ears.

When they were done with their workout before leaving the gym Law asked Ace if he was up for a drink later, even thought he was sure Ace would tell him to fuck off. Surprisingly for Law, Ace agreed. They bit each other goodbye and left the gym. After ten minutes ride Ace parked his motorbike in front of his building. He let a deep sigh once he entered his apartment and closed the door. He threw his gym bag on the floor and went straight to the bathroom. The first thing that caught his attention was the pink toothbrush he left for (Y/N) on the sink corner. He huffed and grabbed the toothbrush ready to throw it away but stopped himself for a second. ‘What if she needs it again?’ the thought crossed his mind before he had the time to assimilated it. Realising what just went thought him mind, he threw the toothbrush immediately.

“The fuck is wrong with me?” He cursed himself as he shook his head in disbelief of his own thoughts. He stripped himself from the sweaty clothes he was wearing and got in the shower. Ace adjusted the water to the coldest and let it run all over his body. His whole body tensed from the ice-cold water. He bit on his lip hard suppressing the groan that wanted to escape his lips. Looking down at his body Ace cursed under his breath again.

“What am I now? Fourteen?” He hissed as he wrapped his hand around his hard erection. “Come on, go away.” Ace whined as even the cold water wasn’t helping. He ran his hand through his wet hair. Ace closed his eyes as he squeezed his hand around his throbbing cock, letting a low grunt. He took a few deep breathes before moving his hand up and down. The thoughts of (Y/N) occupying his mind once again. This time he let the thoughts of her run through his mind. He couldn’t help but imagine her – down on her knees, looking at him from under her lashes. The way her (eyes colour) eyes would beg him to fuck her mouth. She might not be a virgin, but he would definitely need to teach her how to please him. Ace took a sharp breath just thinking of this. ‘Yes, yes I will teach you everything you need to know, doll’ a smirk appeared on his face when he thought of it. She was smart, so she would learn fast. He would make sure to teach her exactly how to wrap her pretty lips around him.

“Fuck.” Ace grunt as he threw his head back just thinking of her lips. The way they would feel kissing and wrapping around his dick. Ace propped his hand on the wall while fasting the pace around his painfully hard length. To have her, right here, right now would feel like heaven. Ace would be gentle with her, at least at first. He would let her take her time, as she would lick like a kitten the pre-cum leaking from his pink tip. Then the way she would wrap her pretty lips around it and give a twist with her tongue. She would cover it all with kisses while giving him slow stokes, preparing herself to take it. To then watch her struggle taking all of him in her pretty mouth, having to wrap her hand around what she couldn’t take. Ace would lose it then, as he wouldn’t be able to control himself anymore and just start to fuck her sweet mouth. The way he would wrap his hand around her hair, pulling and guiding her how to please him. A loud moan escaped his lips as he felt that he was getting close. The image of her, on her knees, his cock in her mouth, having her choking on it while hearing her begging whines and tears running down her eyes while he deepthroat fucks her. The more he was thinking of it the closer he was getting. If she was here, the way Ace imagined her, he would make sure to paint her face with his cum. Her pretty face, all covered with his hot cum, dripping down on her and her pretty lips. This though alone made his whole body twitched and his hips jerked as he gave himself one last stroke and cum spilled all over his hand and wall. Ace cursed loudly as he threw his head back from the feeling of release. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as he tried to collect himself.

It took him sometime to calm himself down as he felt the cold water on his back. He quickly switched the water to a normal temperature as washed his body. Ace cursed himself again. Maybe the reason he was so attracted to (Y/N) was because he restrained himself. If he had already fucked her maybe she wouldn’t have crossed his mind ever again. He just needed to get laid that was it, and he was planning to do it tonight.

Ace got out of the shower and grabbed his towel wrapping it around his hips. When he entered the bedroom, his eyes landed on the unmade bed and his white t-shirt that he saw (Y/N) wore while sleeping. He grabbed the t-shirt, and the smell of her perfume hit him. Ace went and threw it in the laundry basket frustrated. Last thing he needed right now was a piece of clothing that smelled like her. He took his phone and looked at the time. It was already nine o’clock. Ace quickly towel dried his hair and tried to style it but gave up leaving it falling messy around his face. He put a black sweatshirt on with a dark grey pants and a belt around his waist. Grabbing his jacket and keys Ace left his place.

It took him twenty minutes to reach the place where he and Law usually hang out. The bar was very known around Grand Line. Ace entered the place and looked around for Law. He was sitting by the bar and when he saw Ace he waved at him. Ace nodded and walked to Law, taking the seat next to him. Law was wearing a white loose fit unbuttoned shirt with some dark blue pants.

“What are you drinking?” Ace asked him.

“Old fashion.” Law replied while taking a sip of his drink. Ace nodded and turned to order to the bartender who gave him a charming smile. Ace smiled at her and made his order. While making it she didn’t take her eyes off him.

“One ‘Old Fashion’” She said sultry while placing the drink in front of Ace. He just winked at her and gave her an extra tip when he paid. “Thank you, let me know if you would like something else.” She returned the winked and went away. Ace chuckled and took a sip of his drink.

“So, are you in better mood now?” Law wasted no time getting straight to the point.

“What made you think I wasn’t in a good mood earlier?” Ace turned to the side to look at Law.

“Come on, Ace. What’s with you recently? Especially today.” Law crossed his arms waiting for Ace’s respond.

“Nothing, I told you.” Ace took another sip of his drink.

“Ace I’m not buying this shit.” Law knew that something was bothering his friend, and he wasn’t planning to drop it that easy. “Is everything okay at home?” he couldn’t think of anything else that might get Ace this worked up.

“As far as I know, yeah.” Ace bluntly answered. Law rubbed his beard frowning his brows at him. “Law drop it, man. I’m... I’m fine.” Ace started to tap his fingers on his glass avoiding looking at Law. They stayed like this for a moment before Ace broke the silence. “Did you fix things with Robin?”

“Kinda.” Law murmured. Ace raised his eyebrow at him. “She wants something serious, and I’m not sure that I can give her that.” Ace snorted when he heard Law’s response. He raised the glass to his lips to take a sip of it but couldn’t contain his laughter so Ace burst out laughing. Law pushed his shoulder, making Ace look at him.

“Sorry, bro. Just...” Ace started to laugh again.

“Man, what’s so funny?” Law was so confused by Ace’s reaction.

“You two have been on and off for two years, at this point make up your minds.” Ace chuckled. “Damn, and I thought I have it bad..” He murmured under his nose.

“Wait, what?” Law raised his brows confusion. “Is this whole attitude thing because of a girl?” Ace clenched his jaw and side-eyed Law. Now it was Law’s turn to burst out laughing.

“Oh, shut up.” Ace rolled his eyes at him. Law continued to chuckle when he looked at Ace and tried to calm himself. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“It’s not the blonde girl, what was her name Savanna?”

“Samantha and no. She was just a quick fuck, even tho she hasn’t stop blowing my phone.” Ace rubbed his temples.

“Oh, oh, I have a guess.” Law smirk as Ace glanced at him. “It’s the little director, isn’t it?” The way Ace clenched his fingers around the glass told Law everything he needed to know. “Hell, I’m right, it is about (Y/N).” Just the mentioned of her name made his whole body tense. “So, care to share?” Law chuckled.

“Nothing is happening between us, so there is nothing to share. We are... just... I don’t know, not really friends let’s say acquaints.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, sure. Don’t think I’m blind.” Law snorted. “The tension you two had on set could be felt from miles away. And the looks you were giving to the guy behind the camera...” He mocked Ace, who was clearly getting worked up all over again. “So, care to explain exactly what is going on between her and you?” Law was patiently waiting for Ace to start talking. Ace cursed under his breath before looking at his friend.

“She slept over last night.” Ace murmured. Law’s eyes widen as he heard this. That was definitely something new. “We didn’t do anything, tho. We could of but I got cataplexy attack. Which has never ever happened before with a girl.” His cheeks started to flush. “And another thing is that she listens, man. Not only listens, but she also understands me. I have opened to her about some personal stuffs can you believe it?” Ace spat; Law was carefully listening to him. “But that is not like my main problem right now...” He started to massage his temples, deep breath escaping his lips. “I know that I don’t like her, like... you know something serious as I don’t want anything serious, but at the same time I’m weirdly attracted to her, and I think it is because I restrain myself.”

“What do you mean by ‘restrain’ yourself?” Law raised his eyebrow confused.

“I can’t sleep with her.” Ace fussed. “She is so close to Luffy’s friends, and they are the same age, come on. I see all people at Luffy’s age as kids.” He took a big sip of his drink almost finishing it. “On top of it she is Shanks’ niece.” Ace added, giving Law a knowing look.

“Ace it’s just four years. Plus, she seems, well, she is quite smart girl, so I think you are the one who makes it too complicated, not her.” Law couldn’t really see the problem. When they were filming the video together it was clearly that there was some chemistry between them. “Plus, you can always be like fuckbuddies, no feelings attached just sex. Just sleep with her once, and if you continue to feel that way then get all this moody and shit.”

“She will get attached.” Ace whined. “She told me that she had slept with a guy only once, and it was bad on top of it, so basically, she is a fucking virgin.” Law nodded understanding at Ace’s statement. “And she is a very nice girl. You know, I will feel bad to just use her for one night.” He might be an asshole, but he wasn’t that big of an ass, to play with someone like (Y/N)’s feelings.

“So, what do you plan to do then?” Law was carefully studying his friend’s face.

“Distant myself for now. But this time for real, as I tried before but... never mind. I just need to get laid that’s all.” Ace explained, his eyes not leaving now the empty glass. Law decided to not say anything further. The solution was easy but Ace was stubborn, so it was pointless to give him any advice.

A few drinks later, both Ace and Law were having a good laugh; talking about the band upcoming projects, and things that both were interested in. Time flew fast and it was around midnight when something caught Ace’s attention mid-conversation. He squeezed his eyes trying to see better. His eyes landed on a girl, and she looked super familiar from the back. Was that (Y/N)? The hair was the same colour and length. She also seemed to be the same height. He hesitated for a moment before he turned to Law and told him that he would be back in a second. Ace slowly made his way to the girl. If it was (Y/N) what was he going to tell her? Why was he even going to check if it was her, when he literally told himself to keep his distance with her. It was the alcohol. Yes, he can blame it on the alcohol. And if it was her, he could just say ‘hello’ and that’s it, out of politeness. He felt his heart beating faster as he was close to approach the girl. When he stood behind her, he gently tapped her on the shoulder. She quickly turned around, and it wasn’t her. The girl flashed him a cute smile.

“Yes, can I help you?” She fluttered her lashes at Ace.

“Oh, sorry. I mistook you for someone else.” Ace smiled at her and was about to turn around and leave when she put her hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Hey, not so fast.” She flashed him a smile. “I’m Diane.”

“Ace.” He replied. Ace took a better look at her. She low-key looked like (Y/N), not as pretty, but still nice. “How is your night going Diane?” A smug smile formed on his face.

“Pretty good. Always can get better.” She bit her lip, her tone sultry. “Who were you looking for?”

“Doesn’t matter. Came across something better.” Ace saw the way her cheeks blushed. These cliché lines were always working. Not always, he knew someone who was going to roll her eyes and tell him to come up with something better. But Ace shook away the thought of (Y/N). He had her low-key doppelganger here, so it would work for the night.

“Are you alone here?” She wrapped a curl around her finger and played with it.

“I have my friend over there.” He pointed at Law. “Would you ladies mind us joining you?” Ace nodded his head and looked at the two other girls sitting with Diane, flashing them a charming smile. They all giggled and told him that they wouldn’t mind. Ace turned to look at Law who was looking at his direction. He nodded his head at Law to come and join them. Law got up and made his way to them. He introduced himself to the girls and started to chitchat with them. They were giggling and blushing at him. Law wasn’t planning on doing anything with anyone tonight as he had promised Robin to go to her place after, but still little flirting with some girls wouldn’t hurt anyone. It didn’t go unnoticed by him that the girl Ace was focused on was quite similar in looks to (Y/N). Law has been there before and done that. Trying to fill the void he was feeling with girls looking like Robin, but at the end of the day none of them were her. Law didn’t want to say anything to Ace, as he knew how his friend stands on relationships, but the whole ‘I will keep my distance’ or ‘we will just be friends’ bullshit wasn’t going to work. At the end Ace was either going to end up in the same situation as Law, or maybe worse.

Another hour passed and Law received a message from Robin, asking him where he was. That was his reminder that the night for him was over. He excused himself to the girls and went to Ace to tell him goodbye.

“You are leaving?” Ace asked surprised. His eyes were half lidded since he got way too many drinks tonight.

“Yeah, man. Robin is waiting for me.” Law patted him on the shoulder. “Take care tonight, okay?” Ace rolled his eyes at Law and waved him goodbye. Law took one last glanced at his friend before leaving.

“Wanna go to your place?” Ace smirked at Diane who was sitting in his lap. He ran his fingers up and down her shoulder and neck. She cupped his face and eagerly smacked her lips on his. Ace returned the kiss, taking her lower lip between his teeth biting it. The kiss quickly grew hot as Ace’s hands started to roam all over her body. “Should I take this as an ‘yes’?” He whispered in her ear. Goosebumps ran all over her body and she just nodded her head. She called an uber and they quickly left.

Her hair might have not been as soft to touch as (Y/N)’s, neither her skin smelled as sweet as hers, and the way her eyes were looking at his didn’t spark any flame in him. But she was just for the tonight. And she had similar look to her. He didn’t even need to look at her face. The moment they laid on her bed, Ace turned her on her stomach, bending her over. And something dark took over him. He did care for the pleasure of the girls he was sleeping with. Always taking his time with them, making them feeling good first. But tonight, he was selfish. This girl wasn’t (Y/N). She was a cheap replica, nothing close to what he would feel or do to her if his doll was here. Even her moans didn’t sound anything close to hers. But again, this wasn’t the biggest problem. The biggest problem was the fact that (Y/N) wasn’t leaving his mind. And this was something that has never ever happened before. Somehow, she had found her way to get under his skin and he needed to burn her from there as soon as possible.

next chapter ->

END NOTE: I really hope you guys enjoyed it. I know that the 'smut' part wasn't anything wow, but I'm just testing the waters with it. At first it was totally different and it wasn't planned to be for Ace, but now I'm happy that I decided to write it for him, as in a way it suits his character more. Please let me know what your thoughts about it and what could I change in the future for when I'm writing a smut (u can either comment or message me). Also I felt so awkward writing it, but is it a fanfic if there is no smut in it? Feel free to comment and reblog, much love <333

[lavellaned]

Actually I think one of the reasons why this game is so awful to get through is how it treats abuse, abusers, and abuse victims.

Under cut due to length of rambling:

First of all, Morrigan. Abused as a child by her mother, Flemeth aka Mythal, learned about the world and how to interact with it in a skewed way. Was treated in a way that no child should be by anyone let alone their parent.

Fast forward to Inquisition, particularly a worldstate in which Kieran is alive. The scene in the fade where Morrigan confronts Flemythal is one of the most important and special scenes in all of dragon age to me.

Growing up through abuse as a child you never think "I don't deserve this", you mainly think things like "Why is this happening to me?" and "Bad things happen to me." You know that these things are bad and make you feel bad, but when your baseline for how you should experience the world is abusive, you don't have the point of reference to think otherwise. And then you grow up. You look back on the abuse through the eyes of the child who experienced it but also through the detached, adult view that you currently have and have to reconcile the two. It's not easier nor pleasant. Getting to the age your abuser was/getting into the position of power your abuser had over you is difficult. Being at that stage and picturing yourself doing what was done to you to someone else is fucking sickening, and then you start to realize "I wasn't the problem, it WASN'T my fault, YOU are the one that's fucked up." But a lot of people can't and therefore the cycle of abuse continues.

But Morrigan does. She straight up tells her abuser "I will not be the mother you were to me." To have a character who survived childhood abuse be able to reach a point in their life where they can take back their personhood from their abuser is pretty damn important, actually. To this day I get weepy just thinking about it.

And then fucking veilguard happened.

Not only does it not matter if Kieran is alive or if Morrigan drank from the well (something that would BIND HER SPIRIT TO HER ABUSER), but Morrigan straight up let Mythal hitch a ride in her. The very thing that Morrigan tried to prevent ever since the first goddamn game? And we're all just supposed to accept and be ok with this?

The only way I can see this not being a complete character assassination of Morrigan is if Mythal just straight up possessed her unwillingly/killed her. Have Mythal use Morrigan as a information receptacle for new players, but also use old players' already-implemented relationship with her as a way to manipulate them. Either way, shit sucks.

Then there's the Crows. You know, the guild who takes children from brothels, orphanages, the streets and puts them through Hunger Games levels of training in which they either die or survive to become a slave assassin for the rest of their life. Not in veilguard. We're all just one big happy family. We rule Antiva, yippee!

Finally, there's Solas. One could argue his entire existence is the product of abuse, and everything that has happened in Thedas is because of it. I think framing his regrets as physical manifestations that want to kill him is a really interesting narrative choice. Unlocking the regret murals was one of the very few parts of this game that invoked a strong emotional response from me, not just because I'm an unapologetic Solas Enjoyer but because the implications are heartbreaking.

And then the game has you sit through the most fucking unbearable CBT group therapy session to talk about them with some of the most annoying damn people in Thedas who treat the literal apocalyptic levels of abuse Solas went through for millennia as something like a joke? And we the player are not given the option to challenge this? This game makes the point to force the player to agree with the flippant attitudes brought up from this.

Then brings up the final scene with Solas. Do I think the meeting with Mythal and Solas was handled well? Yes and no, but that's for another time. Solas is so far in the trenches of the trauma of abuse that he will not stop until his abuser pretty much tells him "I'm done abusing you." I think this was good and bad, again another time.

The way Solas interacts with his abuser is the direct flipside of how Morrigan does. You see more than one way someone can heal/not heal from it.

Morrigan, someone with arguable little power in the world, stands up against her abuser unflinchingly.

Solas, described through history as a GOD, someone with unfathomable amounts of knowledge and power, cowers and offers his abuser a literal weapon to kill him with, unprompted.

If this was a good game, it would be about regret but also about survivor's guilt, something that those who survived abuse have to deal with for the rest of their lives. But it's not, because it's a a bad game.

[aidylweiss16]

Kinda. I've repeated some of what you've said but reframed it to emphasis different things and come to a different conclusion, especially in my follow up post, which you may not have gotten to yet. But I probably should have made a separate post instead of replying, as replying feels like more of a callout. Sorry about that - I'm relatively new to Tumblr so still internalizing some of the rules, but I was also hoping to potentially have a conversation with the person I reblogged from. One of the reasons I was drawn to the show as a whole is because starting from Adora thinking "The Princesses are evil" is really interesting. To me, it makes it easier to see *why* someone would collaborate with a dictatorship, as you said. When we start from a position of self-righteousness ("we're fighting a justified war, the Princesses are evil"), it's really easy to get tricked into doing harmful things to the other side in the name of doing right. If someone hasn't picked up on that part of the show, it's because it's not as explicitly spelled out (and would probably be too heavy-handed if it was more explicitly spelled out). It requires a lot more inference, and at least where I'm from, we don't do a great job of teaching that kind of understanding. So I'm not ready to write someone like that off, because I think we could be doing a better job on teaching that. But that's not to say that you, personally, have to go find and help them! I just didn't want to leave the other interpretation unsaid.

So again, sorry for it feeling like I was calling you out or hijacking your post. I'll only respond to this one if you respond to it again directly. And if you like, I can move my thoughts to another post so you don't get bothered by it further.

one thing that this spop rewatch is really opening my eyes on is how hypocritical the Catra redemption discourse was back when the show was still airing. i could make a compilation of all the times Scorpia tries to murder someone in the Rebellion or Entrapta disregards basic morals to uphold her partnership with the Horde and yet they get passes in regards to their redemption while people complain about Catra not “deserving it”. and like, it’s literally only because Scorpia and Entrapta are nicer than Catra. if Catra wasn’t a huge bitch no one would be saying her redemption was rushed or undeserved. people care far more about personality than they do about actions.

[nylloth]

My opinion about Arcane s2 (mostly Viktor)

I'm trying to be neutral on this, but I'm upset with what they did to Viktor.

I was wrong about their relationship with Sky (but I had hope), you can see he never really cared for her and the animators put their all into conveying that. Plus, let's say Sky represents Viktor's humanity and Viktor himself gives up on her. And it's a lot easier for him to give her up than it is for Jayce, who he's trying to show this new “world” to.

They have a lot of gay moments with Jayce, I don't know why the writers call it “family”. It's really hard to see family in that. It seems like at some point they decided to change the plot, because at the end Jayce and Viktor just disappear and no one just doesn't care what Jayce has with Mel.

The thing I didn't like the most was how they changed Ryze, that now Ryze is Viktor, the all-powerful mage. We know from the documentary that it was Ryze at one point. That would make more sense than Viktor traveling through time and constantly dooming himself to a series of miseries. But then again, they added the “all for Jayce” aspect to it.

You can see it's supposed to be a different character, right?

I really didn't like how they treated Sky because obviously she wasn't an evil manipulative core. Viktor killed her twice for his own purposes. Once by accident, the second time on purpose. Look, you add a girl who is IN LOVE with a man, make her die twice for him, and show WHY he doesn't care. It's a dirty act. Amanda said she was “proud to write Sky”, I don't know what there is to be proud of. As a woman, it was painful for me to watch. You didn't have to do that. Did you mean to say the character is gay? You don't have to humiliate women to do that.

I always hoped Viktor wouldn't have any romantic innuendos because feelings, for Herald, are a weakness. But the fact that they're indulging JayVik fans makes it look NOTHING like that. Like, I'm not a fan of this ship, but even I don't consider what they showed as brotherly feelings. Especially from Viktor's side. He is literally too concerned with Jayce's opinion.

I also think that the writers largely emphasized the clips and fights, but didn't add to the story itself. I mean Silco's deep thoughts in the first season on political topics and the theme of family in general was shown much better.

Herald is essentially non-existent. It's a character for the last two episodes who is immediately killed off because of a few words from Jayce. Viktor returns and they vaporize somewhere. I take it this is starting a recurring time loop.

They kind of tried to put in Viktor's “here he's come to the realization on his own that humanity is bad”, but they did it SO FAST and literally because of one event that it looked bad. Yeah, it's not about hexcore. VIKTOR SUPPOSEDLY CAME TO THIS ON HIS OWN. Why? Because Jayce shot him, and then Jayce helped him realize otherwise. No, really, what was that?

I also didn't like the redesign. I was hoping the mask would look different, but it looks HORRIBLE.

It's supposed to give the impression that Viktor “shut down and withdrew into himself”, they also tried to make him a “deity”, but since it only lasted 20 minutes before he went back to his normal state, it didn't make any sense… Anyway… I sympathize with everyone who loved Viktor specifically, outside jayvik ship (happy for you guys). I know they are excited, but this is not Viktor's story. You see, Viktor doesn't have his own personal story now, he's too connected to Jayce. You could say he did everything and nothing at the same time. Because he keeps running this time loop, but he's running it because of Jayce's influence.

Waiting for his updated lore to read….. idk I'll read it and forget it like a bad dream.

[beescrafting]

It's just a haircut.

I had this thought from making the Bracelet and couldn't stop thinking about it lol.

Fluffy haired Roach era will still be around, as well as buzzcut Roach.

_____________________

Roach's hair was getting a bit to long for the army guidelines... And here he was looking at the razor while sitting on a stool. It was of course in the communal showers, he stared at his face trying to think what type of hair he should do... Maybe he should get some help to get the back done...

He sighed in defeat looking at this, maybe he should buzz it completely down to make things easier.

As he sat there deep in thought not noticing as his Captain appeared beside him.

"Thinking of a hairdo?" His captain asked raising his brow. "A bonnie one?"

"Yeah.. kinda gotta, just don't know what to do." Gary sighed.

"mhm.." The captain walked around him, MacTavish always was an artist was he not?

"lets go somewhere with better lighting" His captain muttered taking the razor from his hand. Roach is left a bit baffled before quickly getting up to follow after him.

Roach quickly follows after his captain confused, the lighting in the bathroom was fine was it not? It wasn't until they were getting down to the bedrooms that Roach noticed where they were going.

Why were they going to Lieutenant's Ghost room?

"Sir?" Gary questioned as they stopped in front of Ghost room. His Captain knocked on the door humming.

"Ghost room has some good lighting... and I think he'll enjoy this." Captain murmured.

Gary was confused before the door opened and his Lieutenant stood there, before moving out of the way.

"what's it this time?" Ghost grumbles as Gary follows the Captain in.

"Gary needs a hair cut, figured your room would be nice to do it in" The captain explained while forcing Gary to sit on the floor suddenly.

Gary felt like a dog in a way like this, looking up at the two wondering if this was a common thing.

"mhm" Ghost hummed looking at Gary's hair before running a hand through it.

Roach blinked confused.

"think i got a good idea" Ghost said sitting down behind Gary. "Keep your head straight Bug." Ghost grumbled.

Gary did do as told, as well as just blinked looking at his captain slightly worried.

The sound of the buzzers clicked to life as they ran through the sides of his head. He sighed for a moment confused.

Captain MacTavish hummed looking at the work. "Hand me the cutters" He muttered.

Ghost huffed handing them over before moving out of the way.

The captain sat behind him before fixing his hair up a bit more, Gary just sat there wondering what the hell was happening now and how his life got to this point.

When everything was over, Gary walked out with a mini-mohawk mimicking his Captain's. The captain looked so proud and smug while Ghost looked salty.

Gary just ran his hand through his hair humming. "Thank you-" He was about to finish his thanks before Captain Price entered the room, and seeing the scene before him grumbled.

"Hand me those razors."

Gary then walked out with short buzzed hair... What a moment...

Roach walked out of the room, feeling the air shift through his short buzzed hair... He was going to be wearing his helmet a lot more now...

As he was closing the door he heard Captain Price talking to Captain MacTavish and Ghost. "You cannot just give him your hair cuts... don't give me that look, yes he looked nice... but that doesn't mean others outside of the team will notice."

Gary's heart warmed...

What a moment indeed... What a moment.

____

Gary getting the hair styles of his team mates because they wanted to show off.

This is so cute... just the idea of Roach getting Ghost hair cut, then his Captains, and then Price buzzing it completely because he was worried they'd be found out by those outside the team.

[thiniceofeternalyouth]

MISLEADIN' ME SERIES: CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

"I CARRY YOUR HEART IN MINE"

⊳ Gojo Satoru x f!reader

series masterlist

Genre: angst, fluff, sci-fi, cosmology, smut.

Words count: ~13.3k

tw1: jujutsu kaisen 0 mild spoilers

tw2: unprotected sex, creampie

⊲ previous

There was no questioning of your conscience, no rage pressed upon you - you sat in the black office chair, still dressed in your hospital pajamas, and stared blankly at the desk. You didn't know or feel whether an hour had passed or twenty-four hours - you mourned in the dark office, the windows of which were always covered with dark gray curtains.

The dead, unlike the living, don't repay debts - you couldn't understand what you were paying for. Yes, you were a thief. Yes, you were a killer. But there were creatures on Earth who were far worse than you, and they got away with it - otherwise, if punishment came to them, it took the face of death. They didn't suffer long, they had no time to grieve, nor did their souls boil in attempts to make things right.

You were confused. You came to the deity half asleep, guilt-ridden, hundreds of thoughts and memories swirling in your head, knocking you off balance, unable to distinguish reality from dream. Slowly, you put your elbows on the table and almost knocked over the clear glass, and held your head, hiding your inhuman face from the faces that flashed before your eyes. Were they payment for your stubbornness, or were they taken away because you had allowed yourself to be happy for a moment? A haunting thought was killing you with its grief - it could have been a necessary course of events, and you should have retreated, leaving your loved ones behind, without changing anything.

If you only knew the moment it all went wrong, the day your sister was taken from you, maybe things would have been a lot easier. The slightest mistake, and your only chance to get rid of the demons could slip away. You couldn't just jump around in time because of the guilt and loneliness that fell on your shoulders - that's what common sense told you, but you couldn't recognize its voice.

In the corridor there was the distinctive sharp sound of heels on parquet, which grew louder and louder. As soon as they stopped right in front of the door, someone turned the key and, pulling the doorknob, entered the office.

"Y/N, long time no see," Laitta greeted you cheerfully, turning on the light in the room - you couldn't even hear the surprise in her voice, and you got a sense of deja vu.

She didn't pay attention to your appearance or your condition - Laitta walked smoothly to the table, and you stood up to make room for her. You turned cautiously and locked gazes with each other as the goddess sat down, and you exhaled, stepping around the table to stand across from her.

She flipped back her dark curls, sighed contentedly, pushed her laptop to her side, and opened one of the folders on the table, pouring whiskey from a crystal decanter into a clear glass. The goddess didn't care about you - you were a ghost to her.

"Give them back to me," you commanded, clawing your hands into the table, trying to draw attention to yourself. Your tone was strikingly different - just a little while ago you'd been begging Rei for it, but now you were spitting out orders.

"Give you who?" the goddess asked idly, staring at the laptop and sipping whiskey from a glass. The quiet clinking of fingernails against glass was enough to make you snap.

"My family!" you yelled, sweeping everything off the table, Laitta's eyebrows raised in confusion and she glared at you squeamishly. Her graphite table began to be covered in the darkness that your dark lines carried with them, spreading beyond your body.

"Why would I?" she asked mockingly - she wanted to chop your hands off her desk so they'd stop making it dirty. "You have nothing to give in return," she reminded smugly, leaning forward.

The creature gave an order - you obeyed. You grabbed Laitta by the neck and slammed her against the wall, the impact so strong that the shelves collapsed to the floor with their contents. Open books, broken statuettes, plants, and scattered earth sprawled around you as you pressed the goddess's neck into the wall with your forearm, tears of rage streamed from your dark eyes.

You groped Laitta - your hope was fading more and more with each empty pocket as the goddess laughed hoarsely. "Talking to you taught me a useful lesson," she chuckled huskily, clinging to your forearm with her hands. "Keep anything of value away," the woman hissed, jerking away, but your grip was firm - you only pressed her harder into the wall. Your grin and the dagger edge pressed against her throat amused the goddess more. "So what are you going to do?" she asked with contrived pity in her voice. "Kill me?"

The goddess didn't seem it, but she was on the verge of passing out - she couldn't breathe. The mirth and irony had been replaced by coldness and arrogance. "Are you seriously threatening death to someone who has lived for more than a thousand years?" she wheezed indifferently, sensing your desperation - instead of trying to offer the goddess other jewels, to find a compromise, you were immediately ready to tear her to pieces. That was your mistake, and she should have put you in your place. "The only reason I helped you that time was because you had Atlas," she said proudly, despite her position - your grip was weakening with every word she said. "You can kill me for all I care," Laitta said calmly. "No one will notice the extra few drops on your already bloody arms."

You whimpered and staggered backward in horror and denial - not a mockery, but a reminder. It seemed that your fear had come to life, and you should have stopped being afraid - you had fallen down where there were no ladders or ropes, and you had become someone who not only lived off human blood, but also enjoyed human suffering. You could not justify yourself even before the reflection in the mirror - it didn't expect explanations and reasons from you, it was blind to your suffering and attempts to return everything back to normal. It still wanted to live at any cost, but you had nothing to pay for it.    

Not to return, not to fix, but to hold on to the last opportunity for which you came into this world to be who you were. No one will pull you out of the abyss, no one will pull you deeper into it – just the balance and eternal peace you have learned since you were a child. Fill deaths with meaning, justify your deeds before the silent human wrath, and, if you were lucky, see them all again - if that side existed, maybe you would meet again.

You stood before the goddess who had lived a long time and looked at all the sins of humans, and you wanted to ask her if she had ever seen anyone worse. Laitta didn't judge you, didn't blame you, but she didn't want to help you either; resigned to the fact that you couldn't bring anyone back, you turned and walked out of her office on weak legs.  

[October 23, 2023, 04:39pm; USA, State of Alaska, Utqiagvik]

At the edge of the world, a white mist rose slowly the town over, spreading between the small houses that stood on stilts. Red spears pierced the chill haze as the sun retreated, illuminating the snow-covered roofs one last time. The few people wandered leisurely through the streets, wrapping themselves in jackets and exhaling clouds of steam. 

The North, as always, was serene and calm. Beyond the Arctic Circle, the cold dispelled people's fears about the future, there was no room for worries among the snow and ice, the gusty wind didn't drive home, on the contrary - it made get up and look around, freeze in place, feel the searing tide that flowed coldly through lungs with every breath. The feeling of frozen earth underfoot, blue colors in the sky, and a measured beating heart under the supervision of the harsh polar region mercilessly smothered any anxiety, and every tear froze in the eyes, never rolling down the cheek.

You could no longer see the shore because of the fog, but you could feel that the boat was taking you farther and farther away from it in pursuit of the white whale. You huddled as tightly as you could against the bridge, fidgeting with your orange lifejacket as you were tossed by the waves. Motorboats whizzed by, men's excited exclamations were heard, and you squinted every now and then - you should have stayed home today and not gone along with Jordan. The man standing on the bow was trying to see the escaped whale in the dark waters - white small ice floes in the distance, brazenly impersonating its tail, gave false hope.

You grabbed the side of the boat as it shook again, and looked at Jordan, who wasn't going to turn around at all, just clutching the harpoon tighter in his hand. "Jordan, the storm's coming, we have to go back!" you yelled, trying to shout over the roar of the engine and the wind.

"Quiet!" the man hissed, waving you away. He adjusted his black hat and stepped forward easily, still searching with his eyes for a hunted victim. You realized you were taking someone's place. To be more precise, you were standing where his son should have been standing - that was never an excuse for his gratuitous rudeness, but deep down you understood the man. It's hard to seal emotions inside forever - everyone coped as best they could. He chose to be rude.

Jordan wasn't a bad man - when you'd come to this town and wandered the streets as a homeless girl, he'd been the first to notice you. He'd brought you into his house, fed you, warmed you, and then, when you came to your senses, he'd let you live in his son's house for a nominal rent. Jordan had no sense of tact - he bombarded you with questions, and you had to make up a story about the tyrant father from whom you'd fled. You consoled yourself that it was partly true - you kept thinking of Rei as you told the fictional story.

The faces of those you had left behind flashed before your eyes, most vividly Gojo's face when he found out you had run away again. You couldn't see him, but your mind drew out his painful features, and in a voice that wasn't yours asked why you'd done it. You lost all sleep again, and at night, when the town was asleep and it hurt the most, you'd show up at Jordan's house - you'd always be greeted by a sleepy, disgruntled, unshaven face, but he never sent you away. You drank whiskey, played cards and did it mostly for money - when you realized that the man had a passion for gambling and a complete lack of gambling skills, you had to give in, lest he lose his small fortune and the house. But there's a silver lining - you did win yourself a few months of free accommodation.

Today was your second whale hunt - Jordan unceremoniously showed up at your house, tossed you a lifejacket, and dragged you to the dock. You tried to get through to him, talking about the forecast, but as you approached the shore, you saw people as desperate as he was - hunters crowding in, talking excitedly and getting into boats, and now you were here, in the middle of a restless ocean in a thick white fog.

Everything went smoothly on the first hunt, except for Jordan's perpetual nagging. It was the moment you realized why his son had fled to the big land, to the university - most people wouldn't want to witness a poor animal being harpooned and dragged ashore by its tail while dead blood washed over the blue waves. Even your body organized a protest at that moment, pushing nausea down your throat, but you were only laughed at - whale hunting was a tradition in these lands, a tribute to the past.

You almost flew overboard when an ice floe brought in by a swift wave crashed into your boat. The boats that were circling near you began to turn around - there was a whistling sound in the air, and that's when Jordan came out of his prostration. "Hey!" yelled the man from the other boat. "We have to turn around or we won't find shore!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jordan spat, and turned unwillingly to throw the harpoon, heading for the bridge. "There's a reason they say a woman on a ship brings misfortune," he muttered as he passed you.

"Ya the one who brought me here!" you exclaimed, stepping onto the bridge with him. It wasn't any warmer, but the wind was no longer whipping at your face.

"Missed the white whale," he continued to lament, turning the boat toward the shore. You saw other boats whizzing past you, and they weren't even floating - they were riding the waves. Soon faint glow showed on the horizon - lights in the windows of houses called you home.

The hum of the engine died down, and the angry voices grew louder. When your boat was moored to the shore, Jordan hastily threw off his lifejacket on the deck, and then, adjusting his hat and taking off his gloves, he jumped to the ground. You followed the man, hesitating a moment.

As you stepped ashore, your head snapped up, and you looked around anxiously, feeling the stare, but there was no one you knew, only disgruntled men who were ready to blame anyone and everyone for the disruption of the hunt, even though it was the fault of the coming storm. As they stomped, shaking off the mud and sticky snow, you took a slow step back, trying to get away as fast as you could to avoid the swearing, but Jordan, sensing your cowardice, grabbed you by the shoulder. "Hey," he huffed, patting you on the shoulder. "Get us a beer while we get the boats secured on the ropes. There's got to be some use of you."

"No wonder why your son ran away from ya," you muttered, holding out your hand - you weren't going to pay for them all with your money.

"No wonder why your daddy tyrannized you," he muttered back, but put the money in your palm. "Hurry up. The storm won't wait, and we all have to go home," he said, shoving you toward the store, which wasn't far away, and even its friendly streetlight was hard to see.

The blustery wind made the snow rise and wander clumsily across the road - you tried to look at your feet, but you were surprised to realize you could barely see your shoes. Your eyelashes and eyebrows were frosting, and you threw your fur hood over your head, hugged yourself, trying to keep warm, and quickened your pace. The road seemed longer through the snow flakes than it had in the sunlight, and the light of the store was still far away.

It was getting darker. It seemed to you that behind the creak of your footsteps you heard another one - constantly frantically turning around, you couldn't see anyone in the northern darkness, and the storm, impudent, disturbed and raised the snow, drawing white silhouettes. Out of breath, you ran - climbing the stairs and bursting into the store to the tinkling of door bells, you met the surprised stare of the seller, who had been half asleep only a second ago. "Howdy," you smiled, waving your hand, and the salesman nodded confusedly.

No one came in even after five minutes of wandering between the counters. With a sigh of relief, you stopped at the liquor shelf. You should have hurried to avoid the righteous wrath of a bone-chilling Jordan, but once you were alone again, you were at the mercy of the memories that immobilized you. You'd never tell Jordan that he was the reason you hadn't fallen into inhuman despair, that his every shout and rude remark had kept you moving and thinking less about what had happened.

It's true that you couldn't bring back the dead, but you left the living behind too. You didn't talk to Dany, you didn't see Megumi, you didn't ask Issu how he was feeling or if his brother was okay, you just ran away. Your gaze mindlessly wandered over labels you couldn't read - you'd already forgotten exactly what you'd been sent here for. No matter how much you thought it was for their safety, you couldn't justify yourself - there was always a selfish purpose behind the noble one. Your possible death sounded like a quick song - until then you wanted to live like a normal person, shielding yourself from loss and sorrow. A dull life filled with peace on a far corner of the Earth - an unattainable treasure you couldn't steal, and even holding it in your hands, you knew that eventually it would be taken away by force.

In the north, the creature was silent, though hungry - you wrinkled your nose at the thought of having to go out sooner or later. There was a hospital in this town, but it was so small that there was no storage for a blood bank, which meant you'd have to get sustenance elsewhere. Gritting your teeth, you grabbed the first bottle you could find and went to the checkout counter. "Here," you said, showing the beer to the seller. "Need a six-pack. Got one?"

The salesman nodded and disappeared behind the warehouse door. You spotted a white cat with a bobbing head near the cash register, leaned your elbows on the counter, and jabbed your finger at it; it nodded merrily, hypnotizing you. You must be out of your mind to see Gojo in that cat. You shook your head and straightened up, as a salesman came out of the warehouse and placed a beer in front of you. 

The store said goodbye to you with a clink of bells, and the storm greeted you with a gust of wind and snow in your face, tearing off your fur hood. With an annoyed sigh, you pulled the hood back on. As you looked ahead, stepping onto the stairs, you froze - the northern nature had brought with it a guest that looked so much like it. You refused to recognize the white, disheveled hair in the snowy patterns, but there was nowhere to hide from the piercing blue eyes that looked at you with longing and hope. 

His voice didn't speak to you at night, nor did he appear in your dreams, nor did he beg you to return in any of your thoughts. You ran away cowardly, looking for a better life for Gojo - unless you were there, there was a monster who always cried out with terrible hunger. You dared not think of the sorcerer, for every bitter impulse to dream of his embrace was overshadowed, chased away by the memories of what he had endured while holding your hand. And as you saw him in front of you, you were trapped by the repressed emotions rushing out - you hadn't realized how much you'd missed him.

You underestimated Gojo. You couldn't believe that he would follow you, and all his students' words about him being the strongest had fallen apart - how could such a man look so miserable when he had won? You wanted to fall at his feet, to beg for forgiveness, but you kept silent, not moving - if you hadn't been born like that, you could have stayed with him, fearing nothing, but in this life your happiness had a countdown that was coming to an end. If it wasn't a demon that was going to kill you, your madness will do it then. 

The bag of alcohol fell out of your hands and rolled down the stairs and landed tiredly at Gojo's feet, and you took a step back in disbelief, shaking your head frantically, and jumped over the railing and rushed away.  

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, even if death do you part - Gojo never made vows to you, but he was ready to fulfill them, but you didn't realize it even when he came to the far north for you. He felt your fears as his own - in every word you said, every clumsy decision you made, you wanted to keep him safe, to protect him, to spare him pain, but there was no pain greater than being alone, without you at his side.

The sorcerer was chasing you, barely able to make out your silhouette in the blizzard, barely able to see what was right in front of him. There was only one outcome to the chase - once he found you, he wasn't going to let you go, and you couldn't get away from him by hiding in the snow. Gojo ran so fast that even his anger couldn't catch up with him - it was left behind, left to the cold wind. In his imagination your reunion looked different - amidst the apologies and promises he could hear the ringing laughter, but the dreams were shattered by the blizzard and he continued to pursue you relentlessly. You were as small in comparison to him as you were nimble - the faster he chased you, the more the cold burned his lungs. 

Gojo caught up with you at the corner - you were trying to escape by ducking into a small alley between the houses. He didn't realize it, so he grabbed the first thing he could reach. Miscalculating his strength, he yanked at your hood, and you fell awkwardly into the snow. "Where are you going?" he whined, trying to get you to answer where you were going and why you were running away, but you crawled helplessly away from him, disturbing the soft snow beneath you. You could barely make out Gojo's voice through the whistling of the storm. "I asked where are you going?" he echoed painfully, and you, with your back against the pile of the house, could run no farther. He collapsed exhaustedly in front of you and raked you into his arms, despite the fact that you tried with all your might to shove him away. "No," he shook his head stubbornly, sobbing and hiding his face in your hood, his ragged breath turned into wet droplets on your neck. "I'll never let you go," the sorcerer gibbered in a broken whisper, pressing his lips to your cheek - his strong hands were freezing, but his fragile soul was burning. Your body went limp, and you lost all ability to resist. "Never, did you hear me?" you nodded weakly, pressing your nose against his wet cheek. 

You led Gojo by the hand into your house, and he followed obediently. When you got to the front door, you were embarrassed for a moment for you couldn't remember the last time you'd cleaned the porch - all around the house was covered with snowdrifts, and there was only the thin path you'd made before. As you came up the stairs, you fumbled in your pocket for your keys - you pulled them out and with trembling hands got them into the keyhole. You were afraid to look back at Gojo, so you glanced over your shoulder, smiling awkwardly before you saw him. 

You frowned wistfully, opening the door and inviting him in. It was cold and almost deserted, there was no entertainment, and after a week the familiar faces were starting to get annoying. You, taking off your jacket, threw it on a shabby, old chair at the entrance. The sorcerer, looking around and not noticing the hooks, looked confused and repeated after you. "Ya cold?" you quietly interrupted the silence. He didn't answer out loud, but slowly shook his head. "I'll... um, I'll make something for us to eat then, and you... look around for a while," you mumbled haltingly, realizing that there wasn't much to look around - the little house up north wasn't a mansion.  

You went into the kitchen, and Gojo remained standing in the living room. He shuffled from foot to foot, staring at the couch and the TV in front of him, unable to distinguish lie from truth and truth from dream. How many nights did you spend here while he was desperately searching for you? The sorcerer took a step forward and opened the left door where your clothes hung - behind it was a cramped bedroom. Glancing at the bed, he immediately realized that you hadn't slept on it once. He walked over to it, and after a moment's hesitation, sat down - the old, laundered sheets were too cold under his hands. Still not believing what was happening, he sighed convulsively, wiping his burning face with his hands. All this time he had dreamed of being as close to you as possible, but when he found you, the sorcerer couldn't stand to be near you - he thought you were about to turn him away. You had settled here, most likely living a quiet, peaceful life, and Gojo was a bitter reminder of what had happened. In his pursuit of you, he was thinking of himself, as he always did.  

Gojo flinched when you knocked on the jamb of the open door. "I just wanted to warn ya that dinner won't be hearty," you scratched the back of your head and lowered your gaze to the floor. "I wasn't expecting guests, and I didn't buy any groceries, so I hope... you'll be fine with pasta and marinara," he looked at you like you were a ghost, and your soul turned inside out at his silence. "It's almost ready," you said in a half whisper.

With a nod, the sorcerer stood up and walked past you - you leaned back weakly against the doorjamb, watching him walk away without a word.  

Gojo pulled plates from the shelf - some of them had broken, chipped edges, and he had to choose carefully. He set the dishes on the table and sat down without even inviting you in. Your zeal was fading by the second - you couldn't get him to talk. The only thing you could hear in the silence was the clinking of forks against plates. "Ya know," your voice cracked with excitement, and his heart skipped a beat, but you didn't hear it. "When we were messing around, Frank sometimes set the table, and we ate in absolute silence," you said, messing with pasta around your plate with your fork. "So say something already," you pleaded.

"Messing around? Is that what you call it?" snapped Gojo, throwing his fork at his plate - you shut your eyes involuntarily at the sound. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, startled by your reaction - the last thing he wanted right now was for you to run away again. "I don't... No, I understand why you ran away," he hissed, holding back his emotions leaning against the table, hid his face in his hands. "You think you're dangerous. I just don't understand how you could leave... everything like that," between everything, endless and boundless, the word 'me' modestly slipped in, which he didn't dare to utter. "You really never once felt like calling me?" whimpered Gojo. "Or message. Did you even think of me?"  

Fear clenched its clinging hands around your neck - you had a hard time talking about everything you felt. Gojo was beautiful in every way, except that he sometimes forgot it. You tugged at the damp sleeves of your sweater, naively hoping he'd forget his question or pretend he hadn't asked it, but your silence only pressed harder on him.

You both jumped as you heard a loud pop - the lights in the house went out instantly. Gojo moved closer to you, peering into the darkness of the hallway, and you realized what was wrong. You walked over to the window, covering the glass with your hands and peering through the storm, and noticed that there were no lights on in the neighboring windows either, though it wasn't too late for sleep. "I think the power plant's having trouble again... It happens a lot around here," you muttered apologetically.  

Your breath caught when Gojo came up behind you and put his arm around your waist - not so much from surprise as from the fact that all his clothes were damp and cold. "Oh my God!" you exclaimed, turning around. You cupped his icy cheeks, but it was as if he was bewitched and didn't feel the cold. The sorcerer, feeling you again, covered his eyes and gently rubbed his cheek against your palm, kissing it. "Get in the shower!" you worried. "I'm not gonna sit by your bedside for a week while ya sick with a fever!"

"I don't think so," he grinned playfully, covering your palm with his.

You pinched his side hard, shocked at the insolence of it - at his outraged yelp you broke free, and, panting with anger, you went into the bedroom and stopped by the dresser in front of the bed - a little rummaging through the drawers and you found candles. The locals were always prepared for such conditions. "Here," you muttered grudgingly, tossing the sorcerer a couple candles. "Go take a shower, I'll set up the rest." 

Gojo took a moment to kiss you on the forehead and quickly disappeared behind the bathroom door, taking all your irritation and anger with him. You dazedly put your hand to your forehead - not only the place of the kiss was burning, but also your whole face.

You walked around the house with the sound of running water in the bathroom, setting up candles and lighting them as the flames dimly illuminated the rooms. When the last candle was lit and there was nothing left in your hands, you didn't know what to do with yourself. You had left Gojo unanswered to the question that troubled and worried him - he was chasing you, looking for you, and you couldn't even get a word out of yourself. Disappointed in yourself, you walked over to the bed and got down on it, arms out to the sides - even though you were a coward, you were embarrassed to thank the universe that Gojo was braver than you thought he was. Thoughts that he wasn't supposed to be near you drifted away with the muffled sound of water, and your heart stopped for a moment when it did. When you heard the lock click, you jumped up and sat up - you swallowed involuntarily as he came out of the bathroom. Wearing only a towel that hugged his hips. "Wha...," you began, stammering. "Get dressed!"  

"Into what?" parried Gojo, raising an eyebrow. "Your robe fit me right here," he pointed to his waist level, and your cheeks flared. "Or do you want me to put on those wet clothes again and get sick after all?" he asked, pursing his lip pitifully.

"My turn!" you exclaimed, flying past him and closing the bathroom door with a loud slam. Gojo laughed softly but heartily - you hadn't realized how much courage it took for him to show himself in that state to you like that, or the embarrassment behind it.      

The sorcerer looked around the room, which was lit by flickering lights, and dropped his gaze awkwardly to the floor, smiling sadly. He should have done it, but you beat him to it again. He looked around the room again with a sober gaze. It was empty, uncomfortable - no framed photos stood there; no clothes strewn about. Even when he looked in the dresser, he frowned, realizing it was empty, as if you were ready to flee this town at any moment. 

Gojo was still angry, but he could never blame it on you - he blamed fate itself for keeping you away from him, for making you think that you were unworthy, that you were cruel and bloodthirsty and would hurt him sooner or later. Did you remember that you came to him in your unconscious state, silently asking for help and seeking protection? The sorcerer grinned, biting his lip - he didn't know if he'd made it up himself or if he'd read it in the memories of your face, but in the end, lying on that bed without the black orchid running through your veins and without the tourniquets that bound your limbs, you never attacked him.

Gojo looked at himself in the small mirror on the wall above the dresser, embarrassed; he no longer saw the strongest sorcerer. He was still him, but the face that appeared before Gojo was no longer smug and cocky, and the only thing missing was you standing next to him. When he caught a glimpse of you, he decided it was now or never. And never, taking its infinite nature with it, retreated. 

The sorcerer glanced timidly at the bathroom door as the sound of water behind it subsided. Slowly walking up to it, he knocked. "Mochi?" he asked. "You done?"

"Yes," you replied muffled.

"May I come in?"

"Why?" he almost laughed, hearing the childish disbelief in your voice.

"I need to brush my teeth."

"Well...," you drawled uncertainly, pursing your lips. "Come on in."

When the sorcerer came in, you stood, tucking your white robe as tightly as you could without looking at him, but the awkward and hurried movement of your hands screamed embarrassment. Pretending he wasn't interested, he walked around you and stood in front of the sink - you, chuckling, repeated after him. The only sounds in the bathroom were the water running from the faucet and the rustle of brushes. You weren't used to someone else standing next to you in the bathroom. Gojo was not used to having someone else standing next to him in general.

But you've learned.

You looked at Gojo through the mirror, and you frowned when he looked back at you, but in person - putting the brush in the glass, you snorted and walked out, trying to brazenly leave him alone with his damn towel on his hips, but the sorcerer, throwing his brush right into the sink, followed you. You squeaked quietly as you were picked up in his arms and placed on the dresser - you shook your head fearfully from side to side like you were afraid you were being watched, but really you were afraid to look directly at Gojo, at his face that was inches from yours. "I can't take it anymore," he confessed in a trembling whisper against your cheek - you shuddered invisibly at his hot breath. "I'm giving up," he exhaled soundlessly. "I lo-"

"No!" you shrieked, clamping your hand over his mouth - Gojo whimpered into your palm, his eyes squeezing shut as the unspoken words throbbed painfully in his chest. "Ya can't," you shook your head desperately, tears were welling up in your eyes. 

"Who are you so afraid of?" he asked morbidly, cupping your cheeks, trying to reassure you. Gojo knew you too well, and the fear you were feeling was not for your life at all. "Judges? I don't give a fuck about them," the sorcerer grinned bitterly. No one would drag him away, no one would take him away from you - he could pick out hundreds of words, but in this vulnerable moment, Gojo could only stroke your hair with trembling fingers.

Your wishes and your peace of mind were the undeniable priority, and so be it - his words went unspoken, but the greed inside Gojo grew more and more fiery. If he couldn't tell you that, then he'll show you. "I know what I want for my birthday present," the sorcerer said quietly but firmly, stroking your thighs.  

"What?" you asked confusedly, fixing your wet hair with your hands. "But your birthday is in December-"

"I want it now," Gojo resisted hesitantly, but squeezed your hips more stubbornly. "I won't ask for much," he promised, resting his head helplessly on your shoulder - you turned slightly and buried your cheek in his snow-white hair. When he felt that you weren't pushing him away, the sorcerer stirred and rested his forehead against yours. "Take off your mask," he asked. You, frowning, lowered your gaze. "Take it off, please," he pleaded, touching your temple with his lips - you suddenly remembered how he had asked you to take it off long ago - that request had been impertinent, insolent, and now he stood before you, waiting obediently for you to take it off. Gojo had seen you in all your forms, and you thought it would be all right for him to see the last of you.  

You wrapped your hands around his tentatively and brought them up to your face - you could feel his warm fingers shaking, and you could barely look him in the eye, but you forced yourself to feel what you had forbidden yourself to even think about before. You pressed his fingers lightly against your chin line, and he bit his lip, breathing feverishly, trying to calm his heart - Gojo realized what he had to do. He led his fingers downward, painfully slowly, along your cheekbones, and you, unable to find the courage, closed your eyes and tears ran down your cheeks. "Shh," he whispered softly, cupping your cheeks - you could almost feel how soft his lips were. "There you are," the sorcerer laughed wetly, stroking your cheeks and kissing every inch of your face. 

Gojo pulled away from you a little - the agony was tearing his patience to shreds. He ran his fingers along your chin, your nose, your lips - how could you keep it from him for so long? Your conscience had to get back at you for the sorcerer, for all the days and years he'd lived without seeing your beautiful face fully. 

Gojo moved closer and stopped right next to your lips. He breathed raggedly against them, feeling your closeness. How many nights he'd spent with you, how many days he'd been with you - all of them combined wouldn't be enough to describe a second of what he was feeling now.  

You clutched at his shoulders and froze - you knew what would follow, but you had no idea how the sorcerer would treat you afterward. You had no experience, no loving hands to caress you, no warmth to give you, and you were alone with the fear of the unknown. 

Gojo felt almost cruel - unasked, without permission, he kissed your lips, pulling you to him by the waist, trying to convey all the tenderness he'd been saving up since almost the first day you met, but his movements were curbed by fever. He couldn't resist anymore, he didn't have the strength to live without you. 

Closing his eyes as if in pain, Gojo felt uncertain. You were responding to his kiss, albeit clumsily, but whether you were doing it of your own free will or being overwhelmed by his assertiveness, he couldn't answer. His lips, trying to keep up with his feelings, barely moved, and the sorcerer panted. His hands were restless – he stroked your hair, then your soft neck, and those scars that he constantly touched reminded him how you were treated – only then did he feel how hard you were grasping into his chest.

Gojo suddenly pulled away from you and looked at you anxiously, his hands gently cupping your face. Your flaming skin felt icy, your body chilled, and you weren't looking at him - your black, frozen eyes were staring through. 

Startled, the sorcerer recoiled a little, but he was still clutching at you. "Baby," he whispered, kissing your temple. "I'm sorry. I didn't...," he mewled, biting his lip painfully. He looked at himself in the mirror that was right behind you and saw himself as an animal, no different from the ones who tortured you when you were weak. With barely suppressed anger, he pulled you against him, burying his nose into the top of your head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to be... like this."

Gojo flinched when your fingers touched his stomach - you drew circles on his skin in soft motions. "It's okay," you murmured into his shoulder. "It's just... Can ya slow down... just a little?"

Gojo looked at you worriedly, surprised. "I...," he began, perplexed - he saw no disappointment in you. "Sure," he laughed softly, and shyness chained him - in the rush, in the greedy passionate kiss it couldn't catch up with him, but now, as he kissed you desperately but tenderly, he realized that the dream had come true. You were here with him, real and alive, responding to his kiss, stroking his cheeks, digging your fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to you. Gojo could endure anything as long as you were by his side. A thrill ran through him, unsparing his heated soul, and he grasped at you shamelessly, his hands digging into your thighs then and stroking them as if apologizing for his impatience.  

You involuntarily pressed yourself against Gojo, seeking protection - past humiliations, oppressions and torments had tried to catch up with your tenderness, to make you doubt, to push Gojo away and close in on yourself as you had always done, but this time it was different - in the light of the blazing fire your shadows cast gentle movements. Feeling how you fondled, how you pressed into him, he whimpered softly against your lips and, clutching your head, tipped you over a little and covered you with his body from the whole world, wanting to kill the bitterness of memories on your lips. The rush could have ruined everything, but Gojo, unable to resist, wrapped his arms around your waist, the privacy begged to continue. Shrouded in security, you wrapped your legs around his hips, and cowardice left your shores - you chased it away from your night with him.

You touched his towel – Gojo, frowning, pressed his hips deeper into your thighs and, whimpering, grabbed your hand and placed it back to his shoulder. Perplexed, you tried to pull away from him, but the sorcerer, whining resentfully, tried to press his lips to yours again, to feel your warm, tender tongue against his, but you stubbornly recoiled, forcing him to answer your mute question. "I'm a little shy...," Gojo muttered under his breath, embarrassed, and you laughed quietly. He scooped you up into his arms - you squeaked in surprise and clung to the sorcerer, and now it was his turn to laugh, despite the weakness he didn't show you - his legs shook long before he carried you to the bed.   

Gojo sat you down on the edge, and he, exhaling, slowly knelt down on the floor in front of you - you awkwardly tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, hiding from his blue eyes, remembering and realizing where things were going. He didn't tear your clothes, he didn't rush you, he didn't threaten you - he was subdued before you, but love wasn't something you two could subdue. Gojo wetly kissed your neck, gently nibbled at your collarbones, and when he faced reality, he clenched his teeth and pulled back. He could shamefully admit that he'd imagined it more than once, but finding himself here now, with you, he was afraid to go any farther. "What's wrong?" you asked worriedly, taking the sorcerer by the chin and forcing him to look at you.

"I'm afraid of scaring you off," he admitted honestly on an exhale, stroking your knee. "I've only just found you, and already I'm doing everything I can to get you to run away again," Gojo swallowed and looked down, and dishonor choked his neck – he was weak before the urge. "Are you sure you want to do this?" 

"No," at your answer, his heart dropped and he was ready to swallow his own desire despite its sheer size. "I don't want that. I want you," you admitted shyly. "I...," you laughed, trying to hide the brokenness in your voice. "Yeah, I'm a little scared, but it's okay if it's ya."  

For another long moment, Gojo stared at you devotedly, and then you felt his warm hands on your neck again - pulling you to him, he deepened your fragile kiss with a gentle flick of his tongue. "Can I take it off?" he dared to ask, rubbing the waistband of the robe - crumpled by your passion, it hid almost nothing, but the sorcerer wasn't going to make any more mistakes. You, closing your eyes, nodded. Covering your forehead with light, almost ethereal kisses, he slowly untied the waistband - the fabric of the old robe slid down your shoulders along with his hands. You tried to wrap your arms around yourself, to hide the scars that the sorcerer hasn't seen yet, to shield him from this picture. Gojo wasn't going to push you anymore - instead of objecting, he nuzzled against your cheek. "Hold me," he pleaded, knowing you couldn't refuse him, and you gave in and wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders.    

The walls of the windowless room no longer pressed against you, you didn't feel the dozens of clammy touches, you only wished the Gojo's hands were touching you more - they not only didn't bring any pain, they took the old one with them. He would never kneel down like that in front of anyone, he would never show obedience to anyone but you - you breathed into each other's mouths as he gently, tentatively cupped your exposed breasts, not daring to go any farther - you wrapped your palms around his and squeezed it a little harder with his hands. "My baby," Gojo moaned against your lips, and you felt unbearably hot - despite your open eyes, you couldn't see anything in front of you, but the blazing spots on your skin told you where he was kissing you. You arched your back, whimpering softly as you felt his wet tongue on your breasts - Gojo stifled your doubts, listening to your every moan, pulling you tighter against him. He licked and sucked your nipples - he was maddened by your flushed, hot skin, the way your touch silently begged him for more, unwilling to let go. It wasn't a desire - that disappeared once it was done, but it wasn't an obsession - not to keep you in a cage, not to pull your leash, but to tear it off and follow you everywhere.

Feeling brave, you pulled Gojo to you, your initiative got him confused, and Gojo whimpered into your mouth as you kissed him, responding eagerly to your urging. With his thumbs he continued to stroke your nipples, wet with his saliva, in circular motions, and you, losing your balance and your mind, caressed against him, rubbing your cheek against his in brief pauses. "I'll never hurt you," he whispered into your neck, and you frowned, trying to hide the confusion - wasn't that a necessary part of the process? But his words, unlike the memories, felt more real - you wanted to hear them more and more. 

Still sitting in front of you, between your legs, Gojo took hold of your undies and looked at you cautiously - you nodded, biting your lip. He kissed your forehead again and slowly, as if deliberately, began to pull down your underwear. You involuntarily squeezed your legs and looked away, unable to look because of the shame. You sighed in surprise, curling your toes as you felt his lips on your ankles - Gojo was moving higher and higher, kissing your shins and cold knees, and you clenched your teeth and tried to relax, and his promise, dousing you with a soft wave, helped you do it - you closed your eyes and slowly spread your legs apart, making Gojo whimper with anticipation.  

You could no longer feel the scars on your thighs - his gentle, unhurried bites burned on them. You could hear the crackling of the candles in the room, your ragged breathing and the way Gojo stroked your skin. The kiss on your lower abdomen was timid but unexpected - you twitched, and he lavished your worries with a kiss of calm and adoration as he rubbed his nose against your thigh. You weren't angelic to him, but you came to him from heaven - his most beautiful creature that Gojo had once mistaken for a monster, and he was ready to pay for it for the rest of his life. 

Gojo wanted to revel in every moment, for he couldn't hold back any longer - you felt his fervent breath between your legs, and you moved in impatience, touching his hair. A shy frenzy swept over him, and he responded to your silent request by slowly running his tongue over your clit - you tried to pull away, unaware of yourself because of the unfamiliar sensations, but Gojo whimpered pathetically and pulled you to him obsessively, drowning, eager to take all your vulnerability he felt on his tongue. 

Your moans were getting wilder, louder. You tried to muffle them against your hand, biting it painfully - he stubbornly but gently grabbed your palm and put it back in his hair, not letting you take away the melody of your pleasure, the notes he'd been searching for so long. He almost wanted to laugh triumphantly, you had nowhere to run - the sorcerer pressed you closer to his face with his forearms, his palms soothingly stroking your convulsively heaving belly. Gojo kept changing his pace, giving you no time to think, taking all your thoughts from you as he gently, slowly ran his tongue, wet with his saliva and your juices, over your clit, then sucked it greedily, and the sorcerer was dizzy from the closeness - he could only moan helplessly into your pussy as you clutched desperately at his shoulders.   

Your legs began to burn, not from the pain, but from his touch - never a fraction of the pleasure you'd felt before, and your eyes widened in fear and your legs trembled as you grabbed the sheets and tried to pull away from the sorcerer again. "Don't you dare," Gojo whimpered between kisses and flicks. The towel, tired of hugging his hips, slowly slid off, falling to the floor. His hard cock throbbed painfully and he felt like his lower abdomen was about to burst, but Gojo didn't dare touch himself - he knew that if he did, it would be over before it had even begun. But he wasn't chasing his orgasm - his pleasure without yours meant nothing to him, though passion had curbed the sorcerer, but it wasn't lust that drove him, and in all his ardent, timid, jagged and sometimes clumsy movements, he tried to convey to you, the blind one, what you meant to him. He wouldn't run away in the morning, he wouldn't avert his eyes after - he would give you pleasure at night, making you laugh and protecting you during the day. "I don't- I think- I-" you stammered, almost out of breath and squirming, and he pressed your trembling legs harder against his face. 

"Do it for me," Gojo moaned with you, and you stiffened, arching your back - the orgasm drowned out all cries of consciousness that you were supposed to be in pain, and you collapsed onto the bed, freed by loving hands. You panted in affectionate but insistent oblivion, still stroking Gojo's hair as he kissed your wet, glistening thighs. With a satisfied, self-conscious smile, he climbed higher, deliberately loudly and quickly smacking your belly - you giggled stupidly, hiding your face in your hand. "Nom," Gojo bit your cheek softly, and you laughed, though both of you had tears in your eyes. "How are you feeling?" the sorcerer asked, gazing at you intently and stroking your hair - you snuggled into him, kissing his neck.   

"I didn't even know it could be like this," you admitted with an embarrassed laugh, but contrary to that, you didn't hear Gojo laughing - you looked at him worriedly and saw an anxious, wistful look. Your careless compliment reminded him of your agony. "Hey...," you began, but he playfully grabbed you, flopped you onto the pillows and plopped down beside you. "We...," you began perplexed, overcoming the awkwardness. "Um... We're not... gonna... continue?" you asked almost resentfully. Gojo had opened a new world to you, but you didn't realize that he had led you by the hand into his own where you were the only one who belonged. 

Gojo raised himself on his elbow and leaned over you, rubbing his nose against yours and lightly touching your lips with his, stroking your belly. "Baby," he whispered, holding on to his vow - he promised to keep you safe. "Is that really what you want?" he couldn't restrain himself - he sought reassurance from you by any means necessary. You frowned and nodded stubbornly, making him chuckle sheepishly. "Then listen to me carefully," Gojo ordered sternly, squeezing your stomach slightly. "If you get scared, hurt, or you just don't feel like it, you have to tell me, okay? At any moment," you absent-mindedly bit your lip and wrinkled your nose, but he took your chin with his fingers and ordered you to answer with one look. "Promise me."

"I promise," you exhaled penitently, mesmerized by the restless blue eyes.

Gojo, already missed your kisses, covered your lips with his again - he nibbled gently, searching for any spot that brought you pleasure, that made you moan into his mouth, driving him crazy. Hovering over you, covering you from the world with his body, he kissed you briefly on the forehead and tilted his head slightly to look down - he almost burned his throat with his own breath when he saw your spread legs. With light touches of his fingers he stroked your lover abdomen, preparing you, but as he looked into your eyes, the sorcerer saw no fear or apprehension in them, only the infinite trust that you entrusted to him. "I'm gonna try to put one finger in, okay?" 

"Okay," you sounded flustered, but pressed yourself harder against him, kissing his shoulder. After stroking your wet clit and getting an impatient moan from you, Gojo began to slowly put a finger into you - you shut your eyes and he stopped, seeing your jaw tense. "It's okay," you assured him, and Gojo, hesitating, continued - you were so warm inside, so tight and wet, that he, bashfully hiding his red face in your neck, began to pant.

He increased his pace, gently stroking the soft walls, trying to find the point, and he nearly came when he heard your feverish whimpering. "Right there?" he asked excitedly, catching your moans with his lips. "Am I making you feel good?"

"Yes," you panted, grabbing his forearm, not to stop him, but to warn him not to stop. Hearing the long-awaited affirmation that flew from your lips, Gojo couldn't resist - he sank into your lips frantically, tasting your pleasure, and it was the sweetest he'd ever tasted in his life. Gojo pressed relentlessly against the spot, making you squirm, shaking you free of the last shackles of protection you'd built up over the years - your eyes darkening again with recklessness.

When you felt a second finger, you immediately grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked anxiously, almost panickedly, examining you from head to toe. "Does it hurt?" 

"No, no, not at all," you shook your head nervously, and lifted up and began kissing his neck - Gojo gave in without a fight or objection, his head tilted back and his mouth open in pleasure. "I wanna feel ya inside me," you whispered in his ear, taking away what little sanity and self-control he had left. Whimpering painfully, he bit your lip and began to caress your tongue with his - you squeaked as he lifted you up sharply and pulled you against him. Something rustled beneath your ear, but you didn't dare open your eyes as he laid you back on the bed, and you felt something soft under your lower back - groping the pillow beneath it, you eyed him suspiciously. 

"Why?" laughed Gojo, kissing your face. "We're not young anymore, I need to watch your back. In every sense," he chuckled, tickling your sides - you squirmed, trying not to laugh, and you both exhaled. "Are you ready?" he asked suddenly, laying on top of you, and you felt his hot, hard cock pressed against your thigh.  

"Ready," you smiled, kissing his chin. Gojo put his hand under your head and cupped the back of it, rubbing the tip of his cock against your swollen clit - you let out a ragged breath as he began to enter you slowly. You closed your eyes shut, feeling the stinging sensation that was ready to burn you from the inside out - you realized your mistake as soon as Gojo stopped. Your eyes fluttered open to meet his worried blue eyes with tears in them, and you shook your head frantically, pulling him closer to you, begging him not to stop - he'd promised you wouldn't get hurt, and you believed him. 

"Shh," Gojo whispered into your forehead, and he was ready to curse all the nonexistent gods for not bestowing him with the ability to take away other person's pain. "It's okay, baby," he soothed you as you sobbed into his shoulder. "Look at me," he pleaded, stroking your hair - you obediently pulled away. "It's okay. It's me. It's just me. It's your Toru, see?" under the vast blue skies that lurked in his eyes, your pain melted and stewed. You cried out quietly as he put his cock all the way in, sinking your teeth into his shoulder. "Let's stay like this for now," the sorcerer said, giving you time to adjust, stretching you from the inside. He listened to your every breath - at first your breathing was intermittent, wet, but the more he stroked your hips, the more frantically he covered your face and neck with soft kisses, the calmer it became.

"Ya can start moving," Gojo didn't hear the order in your voice, but your wish was his command. He began to penetrate into you slowly, watching you, protecting your pleasure. Your grip on his shoulders grew stronger and you whined and nestled against him, but you didn't even have the strength to kiss him - you moaned against each other's lips, and you leaned back on the pillows, lost, but he didn't want to let you go - he covered you with himself, kissing you uncontrollably, though you could barely respond. Your hips were touching, and he thrust into you gently, but deeply, so that you could feel everything he felt - the arousal was on the surface, and he wanted to reach your depths with his own. 

"Toru," you whimpered, afraid of the nature of these feelings, afraid that you were experiencing lust instead of pain, and that it could be taken from you.

You clung to his back, to his show-white disheveled hair, and Gojo grabbed at you, pulling you by his waist, stroked your head, squeezed your breasts gently, pulling away from your lips only to press his lips brazenly into your neck and collarbones. "More," he moaned pathetically. "Say my name more," and you obeyed without orders, repeating his name like a mantra while Gojo went mad - the candles crackled mysteriously, protecting you, and the unfamiliar town, flinging blue smoke, painted your tenderness on the walls with a storm.

Unspeakable words lurked in your intertwined bodies, filled with each other - his life didn't depend on that embrace, but Gojo felt he would die if he let you go, and he clung with all his might to your vulnerability. His name on your lips was like the confession you were so afraid to utter, afraid for his life - the sorcerer was almost incoherent, oblivious to the world he lived in, for you were all that existed to him.  

Gojo sucked in air through his teeth as you began to clench around him - he whined and reluctantly stopped, realizing he was on the edge. You, in exhaustion, didn't even realize it before he started stroking your clit with his thumb in feverish, gentle circles - you trembled, and he sobbed as he saw the dark lines begin to form all over your body. "Do you really feel that much for me?" whispered Gojo in your ear, whimpering. 

"Yes," you replied tearfully to his question that had tormented his soul for several years - and if the sorcerer had once been convinced that he would spend his life here beside you, cherishing you, now he knew that he would follow you to your lands as well when your time came. "I feel it, Toru, I feel it," you cried, letting go of your essence, and it no longer dared to hurt you in his loving arms.  

"My love," your neck was wet with his tears. "You're so beautiful," Gojo whispered, kissing feverishly the patterns the other world had drawn on you. He called your name with desperate, intermittent moans, feeling how close you were - the sorcerer began to penetrate you again, his thrust grew faster and messier, and as you pressed your legs around his hips, unwilling to let him go, he began to shake with you. "Cum with me," he whimpered. "Cum with me, please," Gojo begged, trying to catch your lips with his - he pulled you against him with such force that your ribs nearly crunched, and you both stiffened in the mute scream that froze between you. You danced sensuously with Gojo on the thin edge and fell over the it with him - he pulled you with him on purpose, to a place where no one would ever find you. His whole body shuddered, and he couldn't hold back his tears - Gojo sobbed shamelessly, silently against your neck, confessing his vulnerability while the storm outside the window sang northern songs to you both.  

Returning from the heaven first, you stroked Gojo's trembling back, guarding his defencelessness as he left wet sloppy kisses on your neck. Your bodies were so close that you mistook the frantic pounding of the sorcerer's heartbeat for your own - it spread across your skin in desperate beats, making you snuggle against Gojo harder and feel more. "When did ya become a crybaby?" you asked softly, kissing his temple. 

"I don't know," he exhaled convulsively, sniffing his nose. Gojo lifted himself up, brushing his nose against the tip of yours. "It's just that you're so beautiful," he said, covering your lips with gentle kisses.   

"Mm-mm," you drawled playfully, giggling. "You said that a few minutes ago, when-" you shrieked as he started tickling you - an attempt to hide embarrassment lurked behind the sweet, little revenge. Returning to you, a wave of realization came over the sorcerer. He finally did it. You finally did it. You allowed him to get as close as you'd never allowed anyone else - thinking about it, he sniffed his nose again and burrowed into your neck. "I don't wanna ruin the moment, but can ya...," you started, and Gojo instantly lifted his head, blushing shyly - you were still involuntarily clenched around him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he apologized frantically, slowly pulled his cock out - you cringed a little, for the sensitivity reminded you of itself with an unpleasant burning. "Sorry," he repeated more quietly, kissing your forehead. "How are you?" he asked suddenly restless, nuzzling your cheek. "Everything okay? Doesn't hurt anywhere?"

Your quiet, sincere laughter awakened your shared happiness. "I feel wonderful."

"Really?" Gojo chirped softly but happily, kissing your face shamelessly and laughing with you. "Then lie here for a second," the sorcerer said, standing up - you glanced at him, but when you saw his naked ass, you looked away at the shabby wallpaper with interest. You frowned, sitting up and cradling your knees against your chest as you heard him fidgeting about, digging and rattling dishes in the kitchen, turning on the water in the bathroom, and in the intervals of silence you heard him humming to himself. "Here I am!" he exclaimed, coming back. "Miss me already?" Gojo cooed, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to you. As he handed you glasses of water, you realized how thirsty you were.

"Ya brought... water?" you asked perplexed, dumbfounded. 

"And a towel and clean panties," he announced cheekily, twirling your underwear on his finger. You looked away in confusion, sipping from your glass, but he moved closer to you and kissed the tip of your nose. "I just wanna take care of you," Gojo whispered, dispelling your doubts - even though no one had ever done this for you before, he was glad to be the first. "Here you go," he boasted proudly as you finished your water and set the glass aside. "Now...," he mumbled embarrassedly, rubbing the back of his head. "Can you spread your legs?" 

You widened your eyes in surprise, feeling your cheeks burn - it didn't feel so sharp in the embrace of arousal. But you trusted Gojo, and with shame, but without question, you slowly spread your legs apart, hiding your face in your hands. He didn't laugh at you, didn't mock you, but slowly and gently wiped your wet thighs with a damp, warm towel. You hissed involuntarily as he tried to wipe your pussy clean of your shared mess - your clit was still too sensitive. "I know, baby. Just be patient for a little while," he whispered, encouraging you. When he finished cleaning you, Gojo put your underwear on you as carefully as he had taken it off you.   

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he plopped you down on the bed, unceremoniously lay on top of you, and hid you under the covers. "That was... an interesting experience," you chuckled nervously, still in shock.

"Get used to it," Gojo murmured contentedly, making himself comfortable and resting his head on your bare chest, but despite his sleepy state, he remained awake. He was drawn to the spot between your collarbones, kissing it with excessive care, stroking it with his fingers, glancing furtively at you and pressing his lips together in resentment that you didn't understand his hints.

"Do ya want to see it?" you pity him, laughing when the sorcerer gave an overly dramatic sigh.

"I do!" replied Gojo quickly, almost desperately, cocking his head and looking at you expectantly. 

The patterns that adorned your skin came to life - they crawled smoothly across your collarbones, reaching for each other, trying to join. When they came together right in the middle, Gojo gave a quiet, amazed gasp, revealing a small, black spot right between your collarbones. "Ya can kill me right now," you whispered, closing your eyes. "I won't be happier." 

Despite your words, you weren't expecting a blade between your collarbones, but the kiss on your heart was far more deadly - it killed your doubts forever. "You will," Gojo objected stubbornly, rubbing the tip of his nose gently against the black spot. "And even then, I won't let anyone touch you."

It was caressing Gojo, rising to meet him with its little black tongues. Gojo pulled back a little, and slowly brought his finger to it, stroking it gently, as if the slightest touch could hurt you, but you breathed measuredly, calmly, lulled by the protection. The patterns wrapped around his skin, begging to stay, and the sorcerer could almost hear their desperate cry when he pulled his finger too far away - to where they could no longer reach him. "Mochi...," he began uncertainly, glaring spellbound as he connected with you. "Back then, at the first meeting, you said I killed him first. How did you know?" 

"Because I saw it," you answered half honestly. You saw him frown his eyebrows. "Your director and Nathaniel kinda happened to be acquaintances, and Yaga asked for a little backup... Nathaniel told us, so we agreed. For money, of course," you clarified, chuckling awkwardly. "Besides, the director seemed like a man who could keep a secret. So he didn't tell anyone about us, after all."

"What an old geezer-"

You, laughing, pinched Gojo's shoulder softly. "But we didn't even do anything then - you were doing pretty well on your own. We just watched the show. But a deal's a deal, and as soon as it was over, I went back to Tokyo College for the money, and I ran into... you."

"So it was you...," he exhaled, seeing the light and finding himself back in the day where he had stood staring into the darkness after killing his best friend, searching for the enemy.

"Yeah," you said faintly. "It was me." 

Gojo couldn't have predicted and laid out the cards of fate - neither of you knew what would have happened if you had shown up then, or if he had been the least bit more considerate. Maybe you would have become sworn enemies, or maybe you'd just lost a whole year - he didn't lament the lost time. All that mattered to him now was that you were together, in a small northern town, lying on a bed, drowning in each other. You were more vulnerable than ever in front of Gojo - as soon as he looked at the black spot, he covered it with his palm, and the black patterns, seeking the same caress, crawled between his fingers, wrapped around his hand. Let those who in bitter resentment or in sticky fear once called you heartless burn with wild fire - henceforth, protecting and defending, caring and cherishing, he will forever carry your heart in his.

[December 24, 2017, 08:34pm; Tokyo, Tokyo Prefecture, Tokyo College]

You strolled leisurely along the towering stone fence, the long wall of one of Tokyo College's temples stretched out on the other side - you stayed as close to it as you could, trying to get away from the purple clouds that littered the evening blue sky under the overhanging roof. You looked around absent-mindedly, trying to find a clue that would lead you to Principal Yaga's office - you'd only been there once, and now you couldn't find your way out of the maze. Driven not by a noble goal, but by money, you continued to walk slowly but stubbornly, searching.

The dry, thin branches of the trees that had been lurking behind the stone fence began to peek out - you cringed as they imprinted themselves as shadows of bony hands on the college wall, trying to reach you. The wind made them rustle - when an unintelligible and mysterious whisper crept up the back of your neck, you thought about insisting on full payment in advance.

Tired after an exhausting day, you found solace in the usual child's play - you spotted a pebble in the road and started kicking it forward. When you could see a turn on the horizon, you left your mute companion and accelerated your steps.

"...trust?" you stopped just before the turn, hearing unfamiliar voices. You should have asked for help, for directions, but your policy was simple: don't show your face to anyone. As it turned out, you were already known to those who shouldn't know, and even though Nathaniel vouched for Principal Yaga as an old acquaintance, the other strangers from the jujutsu world weren't to be trusted.

You looked back - you'd already come a long way, exploring the area, and you had no desire to turn back. You leaned your shoulder against the wall, crossing your arms lazily over your chest, and waited for the strangers to talk.

"...your doing, too?" the second man's voice sounded less surprised than indignant. You could barely make out what they were talking about, but your innate curiosity played its part, and you involuntarily began to listen to the quiet conversation. 

"It was," the first one laughed muffledly in response. You, sensing the tension, frowned - never after the raids had you had similar conversations, much less a similar atmosphere.

The more they spoke, the more you had to strain your hearing - the words grew more serious, colder and quieter. "...any last words?" you stared open-mouthed at the stone wall. Your heart was pounding as if this question was addressed to you. If you took a step forward, you could see the strangers, could catch a glimpse of the end of their story, but you were afraid to even take a breath.

"...I hate those monkeys," you squeezed your eyes shut as hard as you could, for the hoarse voice was fading before it reached you, but no matter how many words flew past you, you still couldn't think of them through the prism of sworn enemies. There was no swearing, no breaking of bones, no collapsing of surroundings, all of which reminded you of your quarrels with your sister.  "...a heartfelt smile while living in this world."

"Suguru," you stunned when you heard the name - the first time it had come out of Director Yagi's mouth as he was filling you in. Dead silence wrapped around the dry branches, and they stopped rustling. There was only a brief whisper that you couldn't distinguish.

Hot blood rang in your ears, and you missed the last words. The wind picked up the fallen leaves, and they flew away, thudding against the stone walls. There was a sharp, sloppy sound, and that conversation was silenced forever. The man didn't torture his interlocutor, didn't mock him, only gave him a quick and, most likely, painless death as if it weren't a punishment, but a deliverance.

As an unwilling witness, you shifted your fingers awkwardly over your intertwined hands like you were on the field of vigilante justice - the revelations had never been meant for you, but you couldn't just cut them out of your memory. Biting your lip awkwardly, you stepped forward.

They sat across from each other, their backs against the wall - two mutilated men. One of them was limp, covered in blood, his dead face was hidden behind stained black hair and he seemed to have no arm, while the other, hiding his face in his palm, shuddered. Your heart was pierced with sympathy - even the kindest man wouldn't so grieve for an enemy. You were immediately ashamed of your behavior - the other man's sorrow made you retreat a step, and you were dazed when a dry branch crunched beneath you. There was no time to think.

"Shading."

The man was instantly in the place where the sound came from, right in front of you. And you caught your breath. Lies and pretense aside, you admitted it to yourself at once: he was beautiful. You stood mesmerized and breathless, watching him - his blue eyes, still full of sadness, scrutinized the walls of his home, and in the light of the sunset his feelings flashed in wet streaks on his pale cheeks. Everything but him blurred before your eyes - you lowered your hands and watched helplessly as he squatted down and took a broken branch and twirled it between his fingers. Frightened, you took a step back as carefully as you could, but you were still afraid to move, but it wasn't the exposure that you were afraid of. You were suddenly afraid that you would never see him again.

When he pulled himself up and stared at the road that had brought you there, you reached out involuntarily, imagining you were standing right in front of him. Your gaze focused on the way you were fixing the unruly white strands that fell over his eyes, but you frowned disappointedly, almost resentfully, sensing the distance between you. But even if you were destined to stay in different worlds, you couldn't deny yourself the small inner request to look at him one last time.

"Relocate."

***

Standing on the middle tier of the sloping roof with pointed edges, you didn't notice the devastation around you. You didn't see the broken concrete walls and cracks on them, irrevocably destroyed temples, the trees piled on top of each other and the splinters that scattered all over the Tokyo College grounds. You gazed desperately into the pink clouds, but all you could see behind them were twinkling stars, and for the first time you were disgusted by the sight of them. You turned your gaze again to the people below, far away from you, and they were all looking upward as one, their faces shining with hope and something elusive to you. You clenched and unclenched your fists with injustice, seeing how they were all mesmerized by the sight that was invisible to you.

You'd never wanted to be near a stranger, much less one who didn't know you existed, but here you were, trying to see what made the white-haired man smile so brightly, and you couldn't help but be angry with bewilderment as his body still shuddered in pain before your eyes. "Adoptee," Rachel called to you, climbing onto the roof, panting. "Did ya get the money?"

You didn't respond. You didn't care about the reward anymore, it had lost its value. The only thing that mattered to you now was the emotion this man could evoke. "Adoptee," Rachel muttered discontentedly, and walked over and shook you by the shoulder. "Uh-oh," she drawled warily, glancing at your profile - your eyes were completely black. "Come on, let's get out of here before you scare everyone away."

"Rach," you asked with hope in your voice, looking up again. "Do ya see anything?"

"The only thing I'd like to see right now is money," she snorted indignantly, tugging at your collar. "But apparently not today."

While your sister persisted in trying to get you out of there, you wanted to be in his world and see everything through his eyes. You felt like you'd been looking at the man forever, but even that wasn't enough - you needed the revelation that lay in his smile. You were unworthy to let the mystery open its veil and let you in, but you wanted to feel what he felt, and you didn't even realize how close you were to it, for the new emotions were so hot and fervent that they burned your gut for a moment, but even they couldn't answer your question - what was it that made him so happy that was hidden from your eyes?

That invisible blinding light made you want to cry, and you shifted your sparkling gaze from the sky to him one last time.

The answer was simple. The answer was one.

It clicked inside. And if you had been human, if you had held back that impulse, that feeling would have been yours forever, but by sharing a body with a creature that had no place in this small world, you'd exposed your one desire and let others feel it, trapping yourself.

next ⊳

[thatshadowcomic]

Sonadow fan child mega dump

Still working on the ideas, still not 100% sold on a name... Im trying to picture Sonic and Shadow's playful banter on kids names, making fun of each other's suggestions.

Naming:

I originally thought Sky or Star or even "Terra" which is Earths name. You guys gave a lot of really good ideas, too, thank you so much!!Sunny is cute, too and Rouge calls Shadow "sunshine" a lot. Maybe something to do with water or planetary stuff, given Shadow would have looked out of the ARK with Maria a lot.

I even thought about "beauty and the beast", naming her bell relating to how Bell was "like maria" or rather, the concept of clarity bells and chimes and the sound/mysticism of bells in history as spiritually healing.

Plus it's funny to think of her being like Sonic and pulling a "DING! times up!" and destroying Eggman's future projects.

"Beauty and the beast?? Isnt Maria your sister--" "I won't entertain your crude humor. Bell accepted the beast for who he was, not what he was called or what he looked to be. Despite what she was told about him, she wanted to offer him a chance to be happy. A chance we all deserve... Regardless how it ends, the beauty of that story, at least to me, is not the romance, it's about love. Love isn't strictly romantic. She saw his heart and showed it to him, and he learned that the world might label you, but it's you who decides to accept or deny that label." "Heh, you should start a podcast-- call it stuck in a PODcast :)" "I hope she get's my humor." "And what humor is that?" "I can be very funny, Sonic. You're just... too slow." ":0"

Story one, the failed son:

He's created in the lab, hidden from GUN, but using their resources. Shadow's basically desperate because a child, to him, represents Sonic's immortality. Sonic will die one day, and Shadow fears what that means--but he also is living through the child. He wants a better version of himself, a "pure" one.

Doom's blood is removed, but several embryos fail completely. He finds a new "stabilizer" in the way of a chaos emerald shard, which Sonic would have never allowed, had he known. I think at some point Shadow would become as obsessed as Gerald, which causes Sonic to back off a bit...

Basically this creates a chain reaction:

Shadow abandons the kid with Sonic, after Sonic learns about the shard and warns Shadow that this could be a disaster. Shadow hides on the ARK, fearful that one day he will be the only one strong enough to destroy/stop his child, should he lose control to the Chaos energy coursing through him. Using the power only harms him, but really, it's turning him into a uncontrollable vessel of chaos, like biolizard.

Somehow Shadow hopes that losing any attachment to the kid will allow his destruction to be easier, but to Sonic, he gave up, accepting the kid as doomed. Sonic resents this deeply, even if he doesnt outright say it...He wonders if Shadow could have helped him manage his powers.

Ultimate power:

In reality, the child's need for validation is the very reason he would lose control in the first place, desperate to control his powers. Sonic would try to convince him he can just be his normal self, not to use the powers, as they damage him each time. But the kid eventually loses it and tries to draw shadow out of the ARK by destroying everything he can, until Shadow can see him from space.

"You love this planet more than me... Then defend it, coward--"

Damn, the fight scene would be awful-- I picture him warping in and just decking the kid, how heart wrenching. I'm sure Sonic would be stuck between, unsure what to do. I'm not sure how it ends?

Myabe they remove the emerald and he dies? or he becomes goop like Chaos? maybe a chao egg is left behind, which might hint at something bigger within Shadow himself??

Idea two, Birth:

Basically, Shadow's body evolves to grow an egg, maybe a normal Blackarm's thing that happens from time to time, maybe something to do with some Blackarms leftover idk, but point is he ends up hiding and pretending to be at GUN or on missions until finally Sonic tries to track him down and finds him laying in some forest, in labor. Technically this is Mpreg, but visually they look the same.

He reassures him, but Shadow can't understand why sonic isn't horrified.

"What do you want me to do, call you a freak and leave? I'm sure all mobians are freakish to humans, just like humans are freakish to mobians-- Hey, my little brother has two tails with a messed up joint that lets him fly! And your dad turned into a giant demonic root ball, even that comet was made of living goop all glued together, Shadow--laying an egg is the least of your worries!"

He jokes that he can have a melt down about the pregnancy being hidden later on, instead he'd rather focus on helping him. He has 3 small eggs but one begins to grow roots like the Blackarms and it takes over the other two, only making Shadow more distressed.

He wonders about taking it to the ARK, working with the commnader until they can determine that it's safe, but Sonic jokes, "You can try, but you know I won't let you take 'em, hehehe" But Shadow can feel the serious threat underlying. He doesn't want it to be treated like a monster either and wonders what the best course of action is.

"Do you really think humanity will accept this child if it looks anything like the Blackarms? If I looked any more like them?"

Story elements:

A lot of this story would be focused on Shadow's gradually rising tension as the egg grows, while sonic seems to be in a weird state of normalcy, but also struggling to actually comfort Shadow.

"Yknow, knuckles was born in an egg." "Sonic... we have no idea what's inside of this... I wasn't suppose to be fertile, let alone this! This sint a joke, sonic! What twisted creature could come from this-- what if this is just another facet of Doom's plan?! I already lost control of my mind, now I don't even have control over my body?!" Maybe Shadow and the commander already talked. He'd want to know why Shadow's suddenly requesting so much time off, only for the professor and Shadow to reveal everything. To their shock, the commander would support shadow... "Maria was like a sister to both of us... I think in her eyes... this might be my niece or nephew." The words make shadow tense, he wasn't prepared for this conversation, let alone the commander's unusual response. "You know I hate failing, Shadow-- Ive already failed her enough. I won't fail anymore. *Ahem* I expect a full report, given you've already met my grandchild..."

Remember, the commander offered shadow to come see his grandchildren in shadow the hedgehog (2004), so I'd like to think he's trying really hard to be better.

Really feeling this scheme

Guys can you help me with sonadow baby names

I have no idea what to say, but I want it to feel meaningful to Shadow, but maybe they have a real name and a "cool" name, like Sonic, Tails, y'know?

Might go with a girl? I just wanna make one to know what that looks like.

Thinking Navy. Maybe Ashen color. I think there'll start Ashen purple, later becoming darker, indigo-navy color, possibly stripes but idk, they would still have Blackarms DNA

[cavedraconem]

Local Maximums

A while back I read an opinion piece my a woman who was upset about the state of grocery shopping these days. I can't really disagree with the basic premise that food in NZ is too expensive and this causes a lot of trouble for people who are living paycheck to paycheck. And shopping at the supermarket can be pretty stressful for a variety of reasons!

BUT, when the writer started to describe her shopping process... it was a massive odyssey. Of a Saturday she was dragging herself and her kids through multiple different shops - a Pak n Save, a Countdown, a fruit & veggie shop, maybe even a butcher as well - looking for the cheapest everything to stretch her budget, the particular whatever her husband wanted, the brand of snacks that her autistic child would eat. Of course she was sitting in traffic and fighting for parking and struggling with the kids and navigating trolleys at every single one of these locations. It sounded incredibly stressful! And she was incredibly stressed about it by the time she got home (and so were the kids).

"Surely just buying food shouldn't be this difficult?" she cried. And, well... no, I don't think it should be. Obviously I don't know every detail of this woman's life and I probably have extreme DINK privilege, but the ordeal she tried to pose as relatable seemed to me largely self-inflicted. Some of these issues seem trivially solvable: if you know your kid will only eat one type of snack, why wouldn't you just buy ten boxes at once? Can you plan ahead and click & collect any of these shops so you don't have to drag the kids around the supermarket itself? Can you pop out by yourself on a quiet evening?

And then we get into some more speculative cost-benefit questions that will depend on the exact details. Are the vegetables from the fruit & veggie shop cheaper enough to make up for the petrol you spend driving there? (Petrol is also expensive in my beautiful country.) What value do you really place on your time and stress? Is the money saved or the special thing for your husband really, genuinely worth the effort? If you are doing all of this work to save money, could you instead work a bit more to earn more money instead? Add a couple of extra hours a week onto your contract so you can afford to shop at a nicer supermarket or get groceries delivered, and save that much time or more on the weekend, plus less screaming from your children.

(By the way, I got that last idea from an old flatmate of mine. His philosophy was that it was better for him to work an extra hour every night and get takeaways for dinner than to spend that hour cooking something cheaper but not very good. I would have been more convinced by this [and his related opinions about division of labour] if he hadn't been allowing his PhD student girlfriend to cook him literally three meals a day.)

Anyway, this writer spectacularly failed to make her problems relatable to me, but there probably is something to be learned here. It's about how easy it is to reach a local maximum in your life: where you look at what you're doing and think, this is the best way I could possibly be doing it. But you're wrong! Maybe you've optimised your routine along one axis (e.g. cost) but totally neglected other axes (e.g. time/stress). You're making tradeoffs that you don't realise you're making. Things that you think are non-negotiable might actually be pretty easy to compromise on. It can take an outside perspective and a bit of convincing or experimentation to even realise that other possibilities exist, and maybe some of them are even better than what you're doing now.

So, in the end it's a good reminder to me to question my routines and ask whether I've trapped myself in any local maximums. What is stressing me out now that could be easier? Does everyone else have so much trouble with this? What opportunities am I missing? Surely it shouldn't be this difficult?

[aceingonthecake]

Very Personal Take on Good Omens

I've always related more to Crowley. It has always been easier for me to understand them than Aziraphale, especially in s1. Don't get me wrong, I've adored Aziraphale since day one too, I just think that, personality wise, we have less traits in common.

However, since the end of s2, I've been able to really feel for Aziraphale and immediately found myself defending them and their final decision. I won't lie and tell you that, at the beginning, I didn't feel angry and even a little betrayed at all, but once I cooled down and thought about it with a clear mind I got it. And, later, I also got the reason why I was feeling so defensive about Aziraphale.

Last year I broke up with my partner, with whom I also had a lot of mutual friends. I was the one to call it off and I did it because there were some dynamics I couldn't tolerate anymore, but I still loved them and I suffered a lot (still do sometimes). Still, I knew it was the right thing to do for the both of us and I never regretted it.

The thing is, the friends we had in common never really bothered to check up on me: I was the one to call it off and I was the one who'd always appeared emotionally stronger, so why would I be suffering? However, they comforted my ex multiple times, sometimes right after I'd gone home, because they just burst into tears in front of everyone. Obviously, I was very sad and cried a lot too, I just avoided doing it in front of our mutual friends to avoid creating sides (when we broke up we promised this to each other).

Connecting all of this to Good Omens, I believe that something like that is happening in the fandom too. A lot of people are hyper focusing on Crowley's pain because it's more obvious and understandable to them, while they're painting Aziraphale as the "bad one" who broke their heart and doesn't care about them just because they were the one who made the difficult decision. And, while I understand it's easier to see it that way, I also think it's not actually that hard to dig a little deeper.

Just because someone's pain is more evident doesn't mean they were the only one to get hurt and didn't hurt back too. Crowley hurt Aziraphale too, even if we might not see it immediately or as clearly as the other way around. They're both suffering, there is no right and wrong side, they both made mistakes and, nonetheless, it's no doubt they love each other and deserve a happy ending.

I hope this makes sense. It's a very emotionally charged analysis so, even if you don't agree, be polite about it please. I know I didn't get too much into what happened in the final 15, but I've already made (and I'll make) other specific posts about it. This one was more of an emotional take.

I'd also like to underline that none of this is a contest about who's hurting more. It's an invitation not to take for granted other people's feelings but actually try and understand both sides of a situation, even if we naturally relate to or understand one more than the other. (Of course, this doesn't apply to toxic relationships).

[pseudowho]

Good god, I thought I was the only one that would literally roll my eyes and exit the page at child like descriptions of genitalia in fanfic. Do you have any insight as to why that has become a thing?

Side note: You absolutely rock in a cool older sister way

Warning! Please do feel free to block me if this is not to your liking. Personal theories and opinions ahead that may well make you hate me!

I have quite a lot of theories, but! all of them are theories, interspersed with my personal opinions, and none of them are pleasant. Here they are...

The trend of hyperfetishisation of, and normalisation of sexualising extreme youth/barely legal young women, has possibly created a push towards extra young 'women' being viewed pornographically. Those who are young in our communities may often therefore feel their burgeoning sexuality is validated, and seek to reflect images of extreme youth in their depictions of pornography (smut).

The rise of labiaplasty; once more, teaching young women that their perfectly normal bodies are disgusting has paid off. I can say with firsthand experience that the amount of women paying money for surgery to make their genitalia as 'barely there' as possible (almost like a child's) is climbing.

The trend towards hypermasculinity, and traditional male!dom, female!sub roles in the heterosexual community where historically the man has been significantly older, and this was considered normal. This has created a push towards 'daddy' culture (in an older man, and much younger girl/woman, way). This will ultimately increase the push for women and girls to be portrayed as younger in porn/smut.

Women's bodies have, throughout the ages, been expected to fall into fashion trends, as if we are clothes to be worn by men. Pin-up girls were expected to have a certain shape (the in fashion shape!) to cater to men. Noughties 'cocaine/heroin chic' builds were typically the ones that would be seen on the arms of the most famous men.

And now? The hyperfetishisation of youth is back. So our society is now creating a progressive push towards extra young women being pushed to the foreground as aspirational partners.

What's even filthier about this, is it has allowed more and more people to feel ethically validated in 'blurring the line' between girls and women, and it appeals to young girls and young women, at the time in their lives when they're often most likely to seek validation.

Society is taking advantage of young women and girls wanting to be wanted, by telling them that it's okay for a barely legal girl to be pursued by a much older man.

In short: I worry about what I feel is a concerning rise in the push towards extremely young women being the 'partner of choice'. There seems to be a patriarchal push back towards women remaining less powerful in more submissive societal roles and in partnerships with men, and it's being packaged as 'womens' choice'.

I'm not saying that young women and girls being able to explore their sexuality is wrong; not at all. I fully support it. I just always ask the question: who is leading this, and why, and who is in control here?

Not all men are as feminist as we write them on Tumblr. Not all men are how we write Nanami Kento. As well most of us know. Which is why we're here...writing men who will be dominant/take care of us while respecting us fully. Because deep down, a lot of us feel that this man is a fantasy.

Older women aren't bitter than men our own age often want younger women; we're suspicious of their reasons for it. Is it because she's less self confident? That you perceive her as easier to mould? That she's less likely to see all of your red flags? Hmm.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[itsfrenchfornothankyou]

okay so you said genuine question and im not from around here but i do have an answer! so you've unlocked an unskippable cutscene!

this is a much bigger topic than it appears on the surface, and i might be able to answer your question succinctly and briefly, but it would miss out on a lot of the stuff happening behind the scenes which is actually very important!

since this is going to be quite long (I did a rough notes on my thoughts and what i might say and it was almost 1k. so.) i am going to put the rest under a readmore

but now that you've clicked the button and commited, let's break this into parts for both our sakes.

part 1: moral purity and the loss of 'squick'

so there's been a fun phenomenon happening lately online, and it's the idea that you can assign morals by the type of things that someone likes. that the act of enjoying something or disliking something is an inherently moral act.

this in itself has a lot of reasons behind it, and digging through that history would be an essay in its own right, so im going to glaze over it. but the current state of affairs is that your own personal taste, be it in media, in people, or yes, sexual thoughts (even ones without actions) are in themselves, moral.

no matter the cause of these feelings, the outcome is this: if you find yourself liking or disliking something, there must be some reason behind it. if you find yourself grossed out by something, there is a moral and justifyable reason behind it.

this is, to me, related to the loss of the idea of a 'squick'; something that just grossed you out. 'squicks' didnt have to be triggers, they didnt have to be evil or harming you, they were a preference about something you just personally did not like.

now however, along with other terms, we have lost the idea of a 'squick' and so if you don't like something there must be a reason this thing is evil.

so now you have people seeing things like animal packers, and they are for some reason uncomfortable with them. where we might have once said 'oh well, not for me', we must now have a reason for why we are uncomfortable with this idea.

1.5: the perpetrator and the victim

in any given situation, to prevent discourse from becoming muddied or hard to answer, there must always be a person who is definitively in the right, and a person who is in the wrong.

this is a really normal reaction, it's hard to accept something as not having a clear answer, and so it's easy to find ourselves doubling down on something so we dont have to confess to the worst thing of all 'i dont know'.

Coming from disability advocacy, it's important to recognise that there are going to be situations which are not clear cut, in which nobody has done anything wrong, but people have ended up hurt or upset. sometimes needs and people are simply incompatible, and there's nothing wrong or evil there.

but that is difficult and scary, so instead it's much easier to talk about the victim and the villain. if someone is being hurt (i am looking at something that grosses me out) then someone must be intentionally hurting them (evil gross kinksters)

In this understanding of things, the discomfort itself must be harm done, and if harm is being done, then someone must be at fault. it becomes a matter of who is the perpetrator and who is the victim. So in order for them to be uncomfortable and not be evil themselves, the thing that is making them uncomfortable must be evil itself.

now that we've established these things we can actually get around to answering the actual question you asked:

Part 2: why zoophillia?

if this person has deemed the act that these people have done to be evil or bad, why not just call the act itself (which i am given to understand is hyper-realistic animal packers?) evil?

well what you surely understand, and somehwere in the back of their brain they understand, is that that's incredibly fucking stupid.

if you walk up to the average person and say hey, this person is doing this evil thing, and explain that, theyre going to think you're insane. so how are they supposed to tell the average person that this person is evil? they escelate it to most awful acusation they can think of in the moment.

in most communities, the terrible thing that they will accuse someone of is pedophillia, but in the therian circles, they dont need to escelate it to that point, because there is already a hot button topic they can point to instead.

Zoophillia, as i am given to understand, is one of the most hot button topics in the therian community. it is the group which is regularly aligning themselves with therians, that many if not most therians want nothing to do with.

it's also a group that is often conflated with therians, meaning that many therians have an immediate 'no fuck off that's not us' reaction to it, as a form of self preservation. because as soon as people have made a claim that you may be a zoophile, and you fail to respond in the appropriate way, you will be cast out of your own therian in group.

so the use of using zoophillia as an acusation is two-fold. for one, it makes people take the accusation seriously, and for two, it prevents people from doing their own research and looking into it.

because if you are told this person is evil, and if you support them you are also evil, at that point any questioning on your part is seen as complicity in evil acts. as apologism. this person is evil and if you ask my why, you must also be evil.

so lets circle back a little bit here, earlier i mentioned that the typical claim is pedophillia, which everything i said previously about evil acts is still true of, but you might not fully believe me about people escelating to the nearest most terrible thing they can think of, but the thing is that i have seen this before.

Part 2.5: tired asexual

hello again, youve probably never heard of me before, so let me tell you that I'm Asexual. more importantly, I'm an asexual person who has been on tumblr for a solid decade.

if you werent around in the mid to late 10s, you might not know just how bod aphobia on tumblr got, but i was there for it. and you know what the most common accusation of why asexuals, and anyone trying to discuss asexuality were evil?

because discussing asexuality was pedophillia.

yeah, asexuals. the well known 'lack of sexual attraction' community.

Now I can go into the series of claims that led to this, hell I could probably go diving on my old blog and find screenshots of these actual accusations, but that’s kind of besides the point. The point here is that the actual reasons people give for it being ‘insert evil thing’ are unimportant.

yeah, when i say it to you, a person who i am assuming knows a little something about asexuality, that that was the claim, your first thought is that that's an insane thing to say.

but for a lot of people the first time they heard about asexuality was in this discourse. so their brain is now primed to make the connection of 'oh, okay, asexuality is evil.' and now, when they see people defending asexuality, they're already defensive. they assume youre trying to trick them, or make them complicit.

asexuality is not the only place this tactic has been used though, you see it all the time. it's at its most common in things like homophobic legestation, anti-trans bills, or drag bans.

These people cannot justify the initial action as evil, so they jump to something you are more likely to agree with, and try to argue it is the same thing. this is what we call equivocation.

equivication is an incredibly effective tactic in fear-mongering, splitting up groups of people, and getting something innocuous labeled as morally wrong

'Think of the children' is a good example of this. No it’s not that im transphobic, it’s that I’m concerned about children. Therefore, if you’re arguing against me it must be because you yourself hate children and want harm to come to them.  

but not everyone is as obvious as to say 'think of the children' or some other line we've heard a bunch before. they find new ways to say it, and because the current safety tactics are to watch for certain phrases and words, people dont know how to look for underlying beliefs and sentiments, leaving people more vulnerable than ever to this kind of manipulation.

so now i've hopefully answered your initial question of 'why zoophillia', i want to take this a litte bit further and ask, 'what is the end goal?'

part 3: what next?

okay so would you believe me, if i said that until now ive actually been taking an incredibly good faith reading of the discourse so far?

currently I have been presenting this as a misdirection of discomfort, but not necessarily actively malicious. now however, i want to go back to the ace discourse.

bigots on tumblr weren't actually starting shit with the ace community because they really had a bone to pick with asexuals, they were doing it because they were transphobes. Surprise!

this isnt speculation on my part, transphobes have since openly discussed that they used aphobia as a kind of 'gateway' to 'gatekeeping'

if they come out of the gates talking about how 'transexuals are evil' and should be 'kicked out of the lgbt community', then they would be immediately revealed as transphobes and most of the queer community won't listen to them. these transphobic talking points have been around long enough to be identifiable and more easily discussed.

asexuality however was, particularly at the time, very under-discussed. it also wasnt a part of the 'standard' LGBT acronym, which made it easier for them to make the argument that asexual people should not be allowed to be considered part of the community.

aphobia at the time was considered less divisive, you could be more easily convinced that this community you have never heard of is evil, dont question it. theyre pedophiles and groomers, if that isnt enough to convince you theyre evil it must be because you're also an evil person, so don't question it or do your own research. then we might come for you.

This was wildly successful! And now that that campaign has gone so well, they can now openly admit that they were secretly transphobes all along! And wow, you already aligned with us, so you need to double down on hating trans people because the rest of the queer community doesn’t want you back after that bullshit!

now maybe you consider this to be a particularly poor faith reading of the current discourse. maybe i had you in the first half, but all of this stuff about secret transphobes and conservatives playing along in ways that are more acceptable seems a little far fetched and conspiratorial to you. a bit of equivication here and there isnt inherently a sign of deeper sinister intentions. isnt all of this a bit of a stretch?

and maybe youre right, maybe im just someone who has seen something similar play out before, and im jumping to defence at something that wont become the same issue.

but isn't it interesting that the people being most vitriolistically upset about all of this, and attacking the creator of these things and accusing them of zoophillia are also misgendering him?

[Tw: Zoophilia mention]

Genuine question: WHY do so many people in this community jump on everything they find weird and immediate label it as zoophilia?!

Like- animal packers, fantasy toys, yiff art, pet play, kink gear, LITERALLY ANYTHING.

Seriously, relieving dysphoria, having "dirty" urges related to your identity, even straight up liking some freaky shit does NOT mean someone is attracted to animals. And it definitely does not mean they are actively harming/thinking of harming real animals.

People really take whatever is too weird for them and try to accuse it of war crime. Be better y'all.

[yourstarstruckbeloved]

first glimpse of red

in which seishiro nagi veers dangerously close to the path of nihility.

content/warnings: 1.1k words, blue lock x hsr au??? cross fandom fic— this is not a shipfic!!! acheron is here purely as a guide, a LOT of discussion of nihilism and pointlessness and such, like two mentions of death, acheron might be ooc warning, if there’s anything i missed pls let me know

author’s note: i’ve been OBSESSED with the idea of nihility follower nagi— well, not an emanator since emanators of nihility technically can’t exist, so at least whatever acheron is. this is me trying to coherently put it all into words <3

seishiro nagi rubs his eyes and stretches, yawning as he does so. he boots up his PC once more, and shuts it back off when he realises that even playing another game would be too much effort. nagi is tired. sighing as he closes his eyes, seishiro nagi slumps on his chair. the time blurs into monochrome. 

reason.

what reason did nagi have to do anything at all? why does he wake up in the morning just to go back to sleep at night? he immediately discards the thoughts from his mind, concluding that it would be a hassle to think about them anymore. and unknowingly, he finds himself walking a step closer towards the edge of the looming blackhole in the horizon of existence. nagi isn’t someone who spends his time dwelling on matters like this— he’d much rather get to the root of a problem as quickly as possible and cut it right off, so it would never grow to be a bother again.

nagi doesn’t know what path he treads on. all he knows is he tends to choose those with easy exits and no catches. what does he even want? it just so happens that the easiest path nagi finds himself to be able to tread on is one of listless monochrome. a lot of people have asked him why he finds everything to be a hassle. he shrugs and says that he doesn’t know. it’s true that he doesn’t, but it’s not like he’s ever bothered to find the answer to the question. and it’s not like he’s asked himself why he doesn’t bother.

nagi doesn’t care. he’s been this way for as long as he could remember. 

he meets a purple haired woman in his journey through IX’s landscape. acheron is someone that accidentally stepped into the path of nihility and ventured a bit too far into IX’s shadow. for a fleeting moment, nagi wonders why she couldn’t just have steered course away from nihility, but realises he doesn’t care that much about the answer.

pointlessness.

it finally dawns on him, why he thinks of everything as a hassle. the answer had always been with him, he never had to go look. all of nagi’s actions stem from wanting to eradicate all burden and hassle from his life. he recounts this to acheron, and she comes to the realisation that she and nagi probably weren’t cut from the same cloth; they were two individuals on vastly different courses of life, that happened to intersect at this very moment. unlike acheron who happened to be thrown onto this path completely by accident, nagi seemed like he was destined to follow nihility since birth. he’d always found everything pointless, enough to feel disengaged from everyone and everything around him to some degree, at least. 

but then again, unlike acheron, nagi has an easier exit from this path than she does. she’s carved this one singular path for herself out of the hardest stone, in a resolve to reach the light beyond the black disc of nothingness, and to guide people who cross paths with her by making them pick a certain choice that she offers.

well… calling it a choice offered by her would be putting it in the crudest and vaguely inaccurate terms. she’s not the one steering their lives, even for this fleeting moment; she could never take credit for such a thing. she simply shows people possibilities, and lets them decide for themselves which one they’d like to walk towards.

nagi can articulate now that the basis of his attitude to most things in life is because of the pointlessness he associates with everything. so, what now?

but then this leads acheron to question if nagi truly was someone born for nihility, or if he was just another one of the poor souls that was led astray and accidentally ended up on IX’s monochrome path; because, well, no one’s point of existence could truly be to pursue nihility— anyways, it’s not like the answer to that question matters, she surmises.

there is nothing left for nagi to do in this reality except for think, and so he does. why did he keep pressing on until this moment despite the pointlessness of his existence? well, he wouldn’t say he particularly pressed on to live— had death come knocking on his door, he would’ve followed it out with a shrug of his shoulders. do you keep living despite the pointlessness of it all, or do you actively try to find meaning in your actions?

cut that out, the answer to that question is pointless— humans keep living on, regardless of their answers.

slowly, the pieces of the puzzle come together. some pieces are still missing, but he gets the wider picture. in a first, he asks acheron why humans strive to keep living despite the void of meaninglessness that the universe is based upon. she tells him that red is the colour of existence, and that it will be the first colour that will bloom, only for a fleeting moment in this monochrome universe. she asks him if he would roam in search of that first streak of crimson or if he would pick up a brush and paint it into existence. and when a choice is made, it shall reappear once more. in other words, will you search for meaning, or will you create meaning for yourself?

nagi wonders why her question wasn’t about following the halo of light at the end of nothingness— isn’t acheron a guide to those who walk this path? almost as if she hears his thoughts, she clarifies that it would be a pointless question for her to ask. his mouth opens to question her once more, but the word why? gets caught in his throat, as the realisation hits him like a speeding truck. every life is destined to end with the nihility, no matter what— it’s almost like a primal instinct, the way every being is naturally drawn to the light beyond the nothingness. perhaps, that is why a life that edges closer to death fervently approaches nihility, and further aspires to reach the end of it. so, will you strive to fill your life with meaning, or will you willingly thrust yourself into the meaningless pursuit of the primordial light, like acheron has?

he understands now. he picks up a paintbrush that lies fallen at his feet, streaks and blotches of red trailing with its bristles. he walks, but acheron doesn’t care to discern whether he’s walking towards the blackhole or not. she smiles wistfully, slashing her blade and tearing apart the spatio-temporal fabric of the horizon of existence. seishiro nagi wakes up in a cold sweat, finding himself in front of his PC once more, the words you died plastered in big red letters on his screen.