#it would be remiss of me not to point out that this episode is almost aggressively xenophobic and more than a little bit racist

[coraniaid]

Willow: You know, I have a choice.  I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world before he notices me, or I can just get on with my life. Buffy: Good for you. Willow: … well, I didn’t choose yet.

I don’t really have much to say about Inca Mummy Girl or Reptile Boy (except that they’re … not very good episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a couple of nice Willow moments like the quote above aside).  But I did want to talk a little bit about the way the show handles the death of Rodney Munson.

If you don’t remember Rodney – and who could blame you? – he’s the kid who breaks the seal on ‘Ampata’s’ tomb during the field trip at the start of Inca Mummy Girl and who is then immediately killed, thereby unwittingly setting the plot of the episode in motion.

So far in this rewatch (that is: up to the end of Reptile Boy), at least twelve of Buffy’s classmates have been killed by the supernatural (Jesse in The Harvest; Dave and Fritz in I Robot, You Jane; Emily and Morgan in The Puppet Show; Cordelia’s boyfriend Kevin and four other unnamed students in Prophecy Girl, Sheila in School Hard and now Rodney in this episode).  

Of course, not one of these people is ever mentioned again after the episode that they died in, but even within the individual episodes there’s a lot of variation in how seriously the show treats their deaths.  Kevin’s death, for example, is clearly supposed to be a serious moment, for all that Kevin didn’t exist before this episode. To start with, we get a little speech from Cordelia about how great he is just before we find out he died. And “this was different”, Willow tells Buffy after Kevin’s murder by vampires makes the news(!), “I’m not okay.  I knew those guys.”  In a sense, it’s Kevin’s death (or at least Willow’s reaction to it) that prompts Buffy to go and fight the Master.

On the other hand, Emily’s death just a few episodes earlier is only ever played for laughs.  She’s the object of both Snyder’s great speech: “There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts removed.  And also smoking” and Cordelia’s “It’s just such a tragedy for me.  Emma was like, my best friend” but for some reason her death doesn’t illicit the same response from Willow as Kevin’s did.  (And that Jesse’s didn’t, for that matter. Did Willow not know Jesse?)

In the early episodes of the show, at least, it seems to vary from writer to writer how seriously we should take any of the deaths depicted.

Rodney’s murder feels particularly jarring in this respect.  The first third of the episode makes a point of establishing this character we’ve never met before as a person with a definite presence in Sunnydale.  He’s somebody Willow and Xander have known for years; somebody Willow regularly tutors; somebody whose parents apparently reach out to her when their child doesn’t come home the night after the field trip.

But after Rodney’s disappearance is used to motivate the Scoobies to go back to the museum – and after his braces are used to identify his mummified remains – he pretty much disappears from the plot.  No more mention of his parents.  Nothing about how this death is different because Willow knew him.

“It seems Rodney’s killer might be the mummy,” Giles say, about halfway through the episode..  And … that’s the last we ever hear about Rodney Munson.  The fact that ‘Ampata’ killed him is never brought up again.  The fact he died is never brought up again.  And yes, I know, it would be a weirdly depressing turn for this routine monster-of-the-week episode to take, but that just raises the question: why does Rodney get the build up he does?  What is the point of establishing that Rodney is a person with links to other people in the world and not just a plot device if the show’s not going to do anything with that fact?

(Worth noting, too, that the episode is also weirdly blase about the fact that the real Ampata Gutierrez – another actual human being with presumably family and friends who cared about him – died in a bus station in a strange town in a foreign country, and that his corpse somehow ended up in the home of the woman who invited him to stay in town.  Surely even the Mayor’s going to find it hard to cover that up?) 

Of course, the high number of student deaths in Sunnydale High becomes something of a running joke later in the show.  In Earshot Oz talks about going “straight to the obits” whenever he reads the school newspaper; in The Prom Jonathan notes with pride that “the Class of ‘99 has the lowest morality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history”.  At a certain point the idea takes hold that Sunnydale has always been this impossibly violent and dangerous place, and that for some reason none of the adults who live there ever seem to acknowledge it

(Actually I think it’s interesting, in the context of this rewatch, to remember that that’s not how the show originally set things up.  As originally conceived, the problems that plague the town in Season 1 were all tied up to the Master’s attempt to escape the Hellmouth.  The town had always had problems, we were told, but there were getting increasingly bad as Buffy arrived.

Yes, in Welcome to the Hellmouth, Giles does talk about Sunnydale being a … well, a hellmouth:  “a center of mystical energy” with “a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences” in its history.   (I’m not sure the idea of multiple Hellmouths really takes hold until Season 3’s The Wish.)  But he also tells her that “It’s getting worse … the influx of the undead, the supernatural occurrences.  It’s been building for years” and that the dead boy Buffy found on campus early was “only the beginnilng”.

I'll keep an eye out as i rewatch, but if memory serves this only really changes in the third season of the show.)

But I think that, after this episode, the show generally strikes a better balance in terms of taking individual deaths seriously, even if it’s against a backdrop of almost comic casual violence.  Yes, minor one-off characters will continue to die, but when they’re a named character that the writers have bothered to come up with some backstory for – like Ford in the upcoming Lie To Me or Theresa later still in Phases – their deaths seem to be treated a little more like Kevin’s in Prophecy Girl and a little less like Emily or Rodney’s. 

(Or Ampata’s.)

[wilcze-kudly]

I mean, Aiwei was Suyin most trusted counselor. Almost family according to her (terra triad flashbacks) And then Suyin helped his objective (Korra) get out of the stronghold were she was being protected behind Lin's back? I would have distrusted it too, especially given the point in life where Lin and Suyin broke paths.

I have agreed with you on other things but these last few rants feel like you're demonizing Lin for not being Suyin's slave or something.

Actually, Lin was accusing Su of working for the Red Lotus BEFORE Aiwei's betrayal. I apologise if I didn't make that clear in my original post, I assume most folks would remember that. I would've even acquiesced the idea that Lin was justified in distrusting Su due to the Terra Triad (the flashbacks of which had nothing to do with Aiwei being like family to Su idk what you're on)... if it weren't for the fact that robbing a store with your buddies and acts of terrorism were two completely different things.

Furthermore, Suyin saved Lin, Mako, Asami and Bolin's lives during the attack, risked herself and her sons, strategised the plan that would get Korra back, executed it herself again risking her life and saved Lin again from Zaheer. These are not the actions of someone who wanted the Red Lotus to win. And Lin, as a policewoman should know that. But this is in character, I suppose, since she often seems to allow her personal biases to take priority over a job that requires you to be incredibly objective.

So while it's easy to say that Suyin was the first to 'betray' the sisters truce from the precious episode if you have the Lin horse blinders on, it was actually Lin who set the intitial hostility. I want to stress that this does not excuse Suyin's act of letting Korra out, but we are remiss to not remember that crucial aspect. Because while it would be best for Suyin to have just outright told Lin that she agrees with Korra, I can easily see how that would pivot to Lin being once again convinced that Su is working for the Red Lotus. And Su was already in an incredibly fragile mental state after being betrayed by a man whom she saw as family, and believe it or not, not everyone has the energy to deal with a 50 year old broody teen when they're in that state.

As for my recent posts, I'm not sure which time frame you're referring to, since I don't think I've made that many posts on Lin in the last few weeks? I purposefully stay more quiet on the subject because I often get some nasty anons (the reason I'm responding to you is because you were semi polite and also I wasn't aure if you messed up the timeline?). I've been tempted to write longer metas on Lin but literally know how most people in the fandom will react to anything less than favorable on Lin.

It's also important that a lit of my 'anti Lin', as I jokingly categorise them, posts are particularly meant as a bit of a response to a lot of the hate Suyin's character gets. They're more 'counterweights' i suppose. Meant to help people acknowledge the nuance of Lin's character, because the assumption is that most of the fandom does have a skewed perception of Lin, as is my experience. My previous posts that mentioned Lin was about Korra and Lin's relationship and the one before that I think was one where I was actually nice to Lin as I really enjoyed the minute details of her in the scene where she rescues Wing and Wei.

Saying that Lin is being 'demonised for not being Suyin's slave' is a bit rich, considering how many characters are piled onto by the fandom for not bending to Lin's every whim, even when she's actively being hostile towards them.

But yeah, I suppose they can come off as pretty salty and bitchy, and that's kinda because Lin is rapidly souring as a character for me due to the fandom surrounding her. And it affects my enjoyment of canon Lin too. While previously she was a reasonably enjoyable and layered side character, now I keep seeing the worst aspects of her writing, because she's so built up by the fandom that canon Lin is always a dissapointment to watch comparing her to fanon Lin.

[vesperpharsalius]

speaking of darrow and cassius at the gala, i think i’ve found a comment from you on reddit (i think that was you, the name and the pfp were the same, if not then apologies because this will be nonsense😭) on one of the countless discussion on cassius and mustang at the gala together. the majority of the people were just bashing mustang for being with cassius (average level of reddit misogyny) but you (if that was you) said something on how it felt incomplete that mustang pov was never properly addressed concerning that moment. i do agree with you but on the other side it’s funny how that scene got people screaming crying throwing up on reddit for the “love triangle”, calling mustang a bitch and cassius a dickhead, then in lb you have cassius and darrow for no reason at all “hey do you remember the gala? lol”

it’s such a dassius moment i think pierce has forgotten mustang was there too

Thanks for the ask!

It was me! Honestly, I’d be surprised if someone else was ever using my username, because it’s referencing an original character from an original work, which I haven’t published or teased or even talked that much about, online. So. It’d be a little spooky.

But, yes, I remember—that upsurge of interest in the Mustang x Cassius after LB came out. I was fairly new to the subreddit, not yet accustomed to the braindead takes. There I was, trying to have a thoughtful discussion about their relationship; after a few days of wading through, I went ahead and jumped into the pond, like the silly little 🪿 I am.

But one thing that astonishes me is how many people still believe that Darrow and Cassius were fighting over Mustang at the Gala, that PB introduced a love–triangle here, because that is just… so wrong? Baseless. Literally, refuted multiple times; before, during, after.

For the record, I am one of the few people that do people there was some truth in Casstang; that Mustang felt more for Cassius and that their connection was deeper that she claimed in GS.

But PB couldn’t have been clearer about how absolutely hopeless—DOA, non–starter, sunk like the bloodydamn Titanic—Casstang was. This was never supposed to be perceived as a threat to ReaperStang.

Some people really read with their eyes closed 😩

Of course, there’s countless undercurrents and nuances, juicy tensions and delicious subplots throughout the whole episode, but one thing made abundantly clear—and she literally complains about this—is that Mustang’s being ignored. It’s almost screamed at full volume that it’s not about her, for her, over her.

She tries to defuse the situation (which, as far as she knows, is wrecking her otherwise–successful schemes to save her family from ruin) but she keeps getting sidelined, especially by Darrow, who’s blind and deaf to her—to everyone, really, except for his bad man.

I’m not saying that Mustang didn’t play a significant role at the Gala; hell, she saved Cassius and basically ignited the civil war by intervening. But this is a Dassius moment. My God, there’s simply too much (flirtatious?) banter in this chapter to cover, but I would be remiss not to mention this—

I cock my head at him. “Come now, brother. Don’t you want to see how well I can really fight?”

And this? What is this?! This loaded–fucking–gun of UST?

Women are screaming for Cassius. Lovers he has had in his youth, who now watch the man they grew with, the man who bedded them, left them with false promises, and made them think they'd just lost the strongest of a generation. They watch as another man turns him into a throbbing mess of blood.

Bonus points for this banger, which still makes me swoon, even in–context—

“You will not steal what is mine.”

All this to say, I’m not averse to the OT3, but this is Dassius fuel. It’s giving disaster–date vibes in LB—as it should.

[cyanomys]

Recovering from almost having to go to the er for a blockage last night. I just wish I actually knew why I have these lifelong issues with constipation.

And every time I think l'm in remission sort of I have a horrible episode. Every time I make a lifestyle change that I think has solved it, it returns. I have missed out on so much of life from dealing with this.

I feel like there's not even any point in doing more tests about it because there's nothing to diagnose me with. I went through the misery of a barium swallow and all they did was say “huh….you don’t seem to maintain peristalsis normally….sorry about that” and didn’t even give me a real diagnosis of slow transit constipation or IBSc until I later begged a doctor to put something in my records.

They just don’t fucking care. They just tell me to eat more fiber when I try to tell them that too much makes it worse. I’ve been this way since I was A TODDLER. When I was a child they told me it was anxiety (as if I, a child, could fix that), or scolded me for not using the toilet enough (???) and said I would grow out of it. Now that I’m an adult it’s my fault because I must not eat enough fiber (I’m fucking vegan), or I must not exercise enough (I walk or do yoga every day), or I must need to meditate about it (I work constantly on my anxiety every day).

Some people with slow transit constipation have to get fucking colectomies and we STILL DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT

It's the equivalent to being like "wow your arm hurts so bad and is so nonfunctional that we have to amputate it, but we can't be fucked to do research as to why this happens to people." Also “you know it's probably your fault anyway"

Constipation stigma is not only attached to unhealthy and obese people but also to drug addicts. I think that’s why the medical system leaves us behind. We’re constipated so we must be less than human like all the other people they ignore.

[tiffanylamps]

this doesn’t really feel like anything huge but i did want to show this to you because i was thinking about them (jwds) for the millionth time 💛

relating these two to my favorite art style, dansaekhwa. (sorry for the bad cropping, there was only one website to find it on and i had to screenshot 😅) this piece—‘Pray VI20’ by hyun ae kang—in particular reminds me of them…

it’s literally named ‘pray’!!! need i say more? 😳

HEYYYYY!!! I'm so excited right now because this is some cool shit!! Thank you so much for sending me this, I LOVE this piece and the fact that you decided to send it to me, of all people! 🥰🥰 I'm going to put a page break/read-more divider here because... well, my response is looong and barely makes any sense 🤦‍♀️😂 I apologise in advance, and please ignore/forgive my dyslexia (it's rampant this evening)

I see so much symbolism to jwds here. I often associate cool tones (like navy blue) with Joo Won and warm tones (like yellow or orange) with Dong Sik*. Obviously, the colour palette (for their attire) the show creators put them in has influenced this thought process, but I also view them in this way because I see Dong Sik as the sun and Joo Won as the moon. *I would be remiss to not point out that in colour theory blue and yellow are *almost* opposites on the colour wheel. But they are oftentimes seen together; almost every day, in fact, when the sun is out shining bright and beautiful against the brilliant blue sky. (I could go on about light waves and how the sky is ever-changing, and how that relates to Joo Won... but it messes with my moon symbolism lol) I hope you don't mind but I'm going to share with you some quotes that I think are very fitting for this subject The moon is a loyal companion. It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections. ― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me (hello han joo won)

“Even After All this time The Sun never says to the Earth,

"You owe me."

Look What happens With a love like that, It lights the whole sky.” ― Hafiz (hello dong sik)

Love is the great unifier of both light and darkness, aren't the luminaries beautiful? I choose to walk with the brighter one to unveil the mysteries of the darker one. ― Patricio Telman Chincocolo (hello jwds) Anyway, the first thing that came to mind when I thought of this beautiful artwork is the symbolism of light and dark, and how the lighter parts of the artwork are encompassing and almost smothering the darkness. I think this is a beautiful representation of the story of Beyond Evil, and how the good outweighs the bad; how jwds chose to focus on the good, instead of the bad and together, they bring forth lightness in a world of dark (brb i'm crying) Also, I love the crackling of the paint (?). It shows that even beautiful things can break, or, better yet, there is beauty in breaking apart. I adore that the colour melds together into a concoction of purple hues and that when the two colours overlap, they don't necessarily cancel each other out, but instead, bring forth a new element to the piece overall. But the second thing that came to mind is autumn sunsets. This scene looks like the early-evening sky during a bright October day... and then I thought that's very apt, considering what time of year Beyond Evil is set in.... but then I remembered episode 2.... and just-

⬆️⬆️⬆️ helllooo?? It's the skyline at the reed fields in Manyang!!

Another thing this artwork reminded me of is this BEAUTIFUL piece by @micah-lat!! The colour palette and how it ties in with the reed fields, and how that ties in with marrying of light and dark, life and death, and how one can lift the other up from darkness or nefarious intent.... how Joo Won is Dong Sik's "saviour"** but really, they saved each other. ** as quoted from the script book: "Han Joo Won, my saviour, who came to ruin my life" (the actual quote might be slightly different, I'm basing it off memory)

Also, I am going to be self-indulgent and share with you a little thing I wrote last year when I was on a bus during an autumn sunset-

That time of dusk when tropical meets marigold and they kiss like lovers do; with an envious display of earning, for - through tragedy and design - they can only meet once a day. It is a fleeting romance, only lasting a few moments before it is gone. Their kiss is beautiful, and they meld together like the wrong paints on a canvas, growing in saturation and passion until they are cobalt and vibrant tangerine. From their love blooms a smattering of bruised purple and with it, the beauty is over. Night-time has arrived.

(idk, it feels fitting) Whilst we're here, I going to also point out the beauty of jwds being represented by an "in-between" state of being, such as dusk. They aren't a definite, but instead, a fleeting moment that rapidly changes and morphs into something beautiful; and is itself beautiful. They aren't black and white, summer or winter, altogether good or bad. Instead, they are autumn and spring, dusk and dawn. They are twilight and the seasons of change; they are the guarantee that the day kisses the night as they meet once again. They are intersection and connection; a light breeze in early fall.... the quiet comprehending of the ending of it all***... light, warmth, touch, trace, memory- *** I don't know why this came to mind but it's a beautiful lyric

Oooooh, and the fact that it is called 'pray' is just SO GOOD! Perfect, even. One day I will write a think piece on the religious symbolism in Beyond Evil and the folly of man praying for better days in a world of bad, but how that's juxtaposed against the beauty of putting one's faith in another person, and how a person can be a religion, a deity, the symbol for hope and justice, if one chooses them to be, because faith is all about choice, and jwds chose one another, and, and andnand !!!!!!!

Sorry, I literally just sat with my head in my hands because I needed a moment.

I need to stop; I have gone past the point of comprehension (was it there, to begin with though?) and just end with this: Thank you. I love this ask and I appreciate you so much for sending it to me. I did have other points to make but I have forgotten them along the way haha. This made me so happy, and I really enjoyed word-vomiting at you in my response. I hope there's something of interest here in my reply- I'm not entirely sure if I'm making sense, or what point I am trying to make. But know that this is awesome. Thank you once more, and goodbye! 😊

[77-fxes]

The Switchover: Sam Wilson

It's astounding that before The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson had appeared in six movies in one way or another. It doesn't really seem like that. Sam's presence has generally been unassuming yet comforting; throwing in a wisecrack or a friendly word f encouragement--often to Steve Rogers-- while generally being of good support in a fight. But outside of The Winter Soldier, there has been little in the way of character exploration, and next to nothing exploring Sam's experiences as a black man in the military.

It's here where Marco Spellman began his writing journey with the character. What he decided to do was what all the best Marvel products tend to do; take the most uncomfortable thing about a story and then make the story about that uncomfortable thing. In this case, I believe Spellman and the creative team realized that previous film making teams had yet to deal with Sam's internal ideas about race or politics as a black military vet and decided to make his struggle to take up the mantle about that.

Of course, the obvious and understandable reason that these aspects of Sam hadn't been explored were because those previous creative teams were overwhelmingly white and wisely decided not to depict something that they couldn't understand (though I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that talented black writers are definitely around in Hollywood., so...). It's also obvious as to why the subject would be central to his taking up the mantle; taking on the symbol of a country that has historically and is currently oppressing people who look like you and share a similar background.

The first uncomfortable bit about this is that Sam has already been a representative of the US as a member of the military. Moreover, Sam's career in the military pre meeting Steve seems pretty much amicable and by the time Winter Soldier came around, he was counseling vets and didn't have much criticism for the military in terms of race or otherwise. It's easy to imagine that someone like this might be actively trying to hide their blackness or code switch, but Anthony Mackie's portrayal is unapologetically black, at least in the way that he carries himself. Mackie gives Sam the kind of 'blue collar black man' vibes that remind me of my dad, a contractor and carpenter. These are the dudes who are used to taking pride in working hard, helping others, taking care of their responsibilities, and 'not getting into political arguments.' Like my dad, Sam is the kind of guy who can get along with a lot of different white people without feeling the need to be inauthentic, a useful skill as a black man in a military world where power is almost certainly dominated by white men who may be likely to be very comfortable being 'colorblind' and who would like to avoid race at every corner. There is, I'd imagine a ton more to unpack there and undoubtedly people closer to that experience who could do so, but those seem to be the basic outlines of who Sam is and how he's navigating a system that is definitely not designed for his benefit (I'd suggest Nicque Marina's excellent YouTube channel for greater insights on Sam's journey from a black vet's perspective!).

To me, this is where Sam's journey is interesting beyond deciding to take up the mantle. Once Sam has decided to become Captain America, he now has to engage with his blackness on a political level. I believe that this is part of his reticence to take up the mantle in the first place, with his exchanges with Isaiah Bradley acting as a prime confrontation with this discomfort. Particularly, Sam's plea for Isaiah to 'help him understand' Isaiah's experiences and refusal to take the shield in Episode 5 ("Truth") is met with Isaiah's very true observation 'that 'You understand, every black does. In this statement, I think Isaiah deftly shatters Sam's comforting self-image as a 'non-political black man' who doesn't really get politics. Sam understands enough, he's probably spent his whole adulthood having few safe spaces to admit it and definitely feeling that it's more advantageous not to say anything, but he definitely understands. He understood at the loan office earlier, he understood when the cops stopped him, he understood when John just assumed he'd be his sidekick. But he knows that to acknowledge it means to take a stance that could make him dangerous to power structures.

By the end, I think he gets halfway there. He's able to identify as Captain America on his own terms and deal with problems in a way that he wants, even if it's not what those in power want, and gets to top it off with a quintessential Sam speech that assumes the solutions to problems as making systems work better, even if they are inherently oppressive.

This is where Sam's second character trait invites further challenge. Sam's way of helping people and making the world better focuses on person-to-person, hands on help. Like his interactions with the boat and in his hometown, Sam likes to take problems as they come and come up with pragmatic solutions. It's not about changing the system, it's about helping people benefit from it, usually through collective community action or direct confrontation of an individual villain. This goes hand in hand with his desire not to look at his blackness from a political standpoint, it gets in the way of his collective, ground-level solution making. I would also imagine that as a trauma counselor, his advocacy takes the form of pragmatic solutions for those in need, and is less about highlighting the lack of government support for veterans as a policy priority more broadly.

I don't think this is a problem; Sam is a good man doing good work for so many people based in compassion and understanding, it what makes him such a good Captain America in the first place. However, I think that the increasing forces of military, government, and economic oppression characterized by organizations like the GRC, Damage Control, and the Western powers depicted in Wakanda Forever puts Sam in a world of people who have no intention of contributing to collective action for the good of those who are oppressed. The system that they're creating is specifically designed to consolidate power, to steal resources, and oppress those with power to challenge it. They offer no middle ground and in order to help those in need, to be a symbol of hope and compassion, Sam will have to take a political stance through his actions based on the political experiences as a black man. The thing that Isaiah knows that Sam understands is that a black man, you never get to choose when your blackness is politicized, and it therefore cannot be avoided. I hope this is something they touch on in the upcoming movie as I believe Sam is definitely up to that challenge and Mackie could really bring something strong to that struggle.

[mlobsters]

day 2. let's go. oh god they're going to make them act aren't they 😩 quirky music, my loathed. i don't know if i can watch this. skimming the script while it plays in a tab i can't see.

BOB Guys... you can't come to work on poppers and smuggle kidneys in from Mexico and make up your own lines as you go!

poppers? okay.

SAM No, we'll figure out a way back.

DEAN Yeah, you wouldn't be that broken up if we didn't, though.

SAM What? Don't be stupid.

DEAN Well, I'm just saying. No hell below us, above us only sky.

SAM Dean, our friends are back there.

DEAN Yeah, but here, you got a pretty good life. I mean, back home, the hits have been coming since you were 6 months old. You got to admit, being a bazillionare, married to Ruby, the whole package. It's no contest.

SAM No, you know, you were right. We just don't mean the same thing here. I mean, we're not even brothers here, man.

DEAN All right, then. Let's get our crazy show back home.

(dean and) i appreciate the time for sam to reassure us he wants to be in the life they're living and together.

okay so, huh. this got me thinking, would sam's wall be an issue in this universe? would staying be like, hell-free brain bonus*? yet again reminds me of something from the magicians (sera was a showrunner). when magic got turned off in their world, quentin's dad's cancer went into remission. (q's dad's actor was also a god in that christmas spn episode). [spoiler alert magic came back and he died]

*i just read a longish fic that took place in this time period and now i'm getting confused as what happened in the show at this point vs the story 🥴

DEAN Yeah. Yeah, real, moldy, termite-eaten home sweet home. Chock full of crap that want to skin you. Oh, and, uh, we're broke again.

SAM Yeah. But, hey...At least we're talking.

i'm not super clear on dean's reaction to that. was sam trying to make a joke, just referencing the j2 gag? i can say i'm almost definitely overthinking it.

i'm having difficulty caring (and keeping track of what's going on) about the angel civil war shenanigans.

i was rewatching the pre-ep recap trying to refresh my memory about the angel situation and LOL the desktop background is back to the vaguely corporate one (at the very beginning of the episode)

supernatural s6e15 the french mistake (w. ben edlund)

MISHA

You guys! You really punked me! I'm totally gonna tweet this one.

i rarely read rpf but i did read a few that i think were related to this episode. i'm not optimistic i'm going to get through this in one watching. the level of awkward may break me

KEVIN

Well, we can clean up, reset the window, takes about 95 minutes, basically. So, we'd have to blow off the scene where they sit on the Impala and talk about their feelings.

for all the no chick flick moments talk, a large part of why i got sucked into this show was because they in fact talk about their feelings all the damned time. it's glorious. sometimes goes off the rails, but generally i'm here for it

(off the rails like) my first major wtf moment watching this show, s1e16 shadow: DEAN Why do you think I drag you everywhere? Huh? I mean, why do you think I came and got you at Stanford in the first place? SAM ‘Cause Dad was in trouble. ‘Cause you wanted to find the thing that killed Mom. DEAN Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. You and me and Dad—I mean, I want us….I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again.

SAM Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. DEAN Could be. SAM I don’t want them to be. I'm not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way.

that's like s2 emotional climax of the season type dialogue, not middle of s1 and dean's flaying himself open showing all his squishy vulnerability. and extra hindsight, jackles deploys that open and hopeful and happy face pretty rarely

anyway, i'm stalling.

the thing with misha. why are they doing this to me

at least we're acknowledging his excessively deep raspy cas voice. and well. we know what happens when misha tweets. even before i ever watched an episode of the show, i knew

oh the days of our lives clip.

same laptop and untitled 1 and 2 documents but they did switch up the desktop background to something blue gradient 😂 this is so painful. but i appreciate that jackles was being a good sport about poking fun at himself

another good padalecki reaction face

DEAN

Don't like this universe, Sammy. We need to get out of this universe.

no :)

(this is where i stopped for the night, i couldn't. tbc)

[handsomelyhiddleston]

Smitten - Tom Hiddleston x Curvy Reader

Filming sex scenes wasn’t the easiest task. There are weird nude undergarments or socks or tape or sometimes just a nude co-star…With Tom, though? There were nerves and feelings and a deep down hope that he couldn’t tell that you were incredibly turned on as he mimed fucking you twelve ways to Sunday.

“Cut! That’s a wrap on today. Great work guys!” the director called.

Tom collapsed onto your chest, laughing as the tension left his body. “These never get easier.”

“I don’t know” you teased, playing with his hair as everyone left the set so you two could leave the bed with some of your dignity. “It’s a lot easier with you.”

Tom held himself up on his elbows. “Don’t tell me your past romantic co-stars have been less than gentlemanly.”

“Not all of them.” You shrugged. Being a ‘larger than the Hollywood standard’ actress had put you in some…not very flattering roles in the start of your career. Sure, now you were the romantic lead with a conventionally attractive male actor, but lets just say you’ve dealt with a lot to get here.

“Well, I hope you know you deserved better.” Tom kissed the back of one of your hands, rolling off of you.

“Coming from you, I may actually believe it.” You laughed, gathering the sheet around you as you left the bed, grabbed your robe, and started walking towards your trailer.

The two of you filmed the movie…Where you’d usually fall asleep in one of your two trailers watching other movies…

The two of you attended interviews…Where Tom would almost always defer to you and even stuck up for you when a few interviewers were borderline sexist or would comment on your appearance…

The two of you even walked a few red carpets together…Tom’s hand always placed at your middle or  on your hip or in one of your hands...

He invited you out to eat with him before or after any shindig the two of you went to…

He’d walk you to your hotel rooms with kisses left on your cheeks…

He’d even tried to convince you to spend the week before the premiere in London with him…

In your mind, Tom was just too nice. He was nice to everybody. It all seemed very friendly…Until…

You hadn’t been watching the interviews as they’d been posted. Some interviews you did together with Tom and others you’d been split up and put with other actors from the movie.

Your phone pinged…

*best friend* - HAVE YOU SEEN TOM ON FALLON?!?

Before you could reply, your phone started blowing up.

You scrolled through the texts until you saw Tom’s

Tom – Darling, I hope you know how much you mean to me. Regardless of what your answer is, I’d never want to lose your friendship. It’s not every day you get to work with one so incredibly kind and thoughtful and talented and beautiful and…every moment I’ve spent with you has been a privilege. Please put me out of my misery and let me know you’ll at least let me see you again.

“What the fuck?” you asked yourself, opening your laptop and googling “Tom Hiddleston and Jimmy Fallon”

You saw that the Fallon YouTube channel had just posted Tom’s segment of tonight’s episode…

“How are you doing, buddy?” Fallon asked, pulling Tom into a tight hug.

“I’m doing incredibly well at the moment, actually.” Tom answered, sharing that the movie you two had filmed together had done extremely well on its opening weekend just a few days earlier.

“I know! It was amazing. I’ve seen it twice!” Fallon replied, always enthusiastic.

“I’m so glad you liked it. Y/n is incredible, right?” Tom turned to the audience, loving that they cheered when he brought you up.

“Oh my god, you two are so good together. I kind of thought maybe you two were…you know…” Fallon waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Tom threw his head back laughing, fidgeting with his tie and avoiding looking into the audience.

“Come on, you can’t tell me you two don’t have SOME sort of real chemistry. I saw the movie.” Fallon gave Tom a look like *Don’t lie*

“Well, perhaps we’re just incredible actors and you’re simply complimenting our craft.” Tom shrugged, trying to look anywhere but at Jimmy.

“Well, yes. The acting in the movie is amazing, but I don’t think that accounts for this.” Jimmy turned and pointed to the screen. It was a series of clips pulled from Tom’s interviews where all he did was gush about you.

“I missed being home, but it’s hard for anyone to stay upset when they’re around Y/n. She just lifts the mood in any room she’s in. You could say she makes anywhere feel a bit like home.” Tom had answered when a woman asked him if it was hard being on site away from home for 5 months.

When another interviewer asked Tom what his favorite line in the movie was, he answered, quoting one of your lines. “When she delivered it for the first time, it kind of took my breath away. I felt very unprofessional. I had to apologize and ask to start over. I couldn’t remember what I was supposed to say next. She tends to have that effect on me.” Tom laughed, a slight blush on his cheeks.

The final clip was one of an interviewer simply asking Tom how his day had gone. “I feel all out of sorts, if I’m being honest. Y/n isn’t here today because she woke up not feeling the best and with Covid still being an issue, she didn’t want to risk getting anyone else sick.” Tom answered with a sad smile on his face. When the interviewer shared that they hoped you would be okay and feel better soon, Tom answered with “I’ll make sure to pass on your sentiments when I bring her food later on.”

“COME ON!” Fallon laughed, throwing his arms up.

“I know, I know. I’m not very good at hiding how I feel, I guess.” Tom admitted, leaning back against the couch and laying his arm across the top. The crowd went wild.

“So, you admit it! Are you two together?!” Fallon asked, sitting on the edge of his seat.

“Unfortunately, not.” Tom answered, ducking his head as his cheeks flushed.

“Why?!” Jimmy asked. “You’re clearly smitten!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault!” Tom rebutted, looking to the audience for support. “I’ve tried!”

“Aww, now I feel bad for bringing it up.” Fallon chuckled and looked at the audience as they collectively ‘aww’ed. “How could anyone turn down this?!” He gestured towards Tom as the audience cheered.

“Well, if I’m to be completely honest I guess I haven’t actually TOLD her how I feel.” Tom confessed.

“Wait, what do you mean?” Jimmy paused.

“Well, I thought she’d catch on. I assume she has.” Tom laughed, fidgeting in his seat. “I’m pretty sure everyone else that knows the two of us can tell I’ve fallen completely head over heels for her.”

“Tom, Tom, Tom.” Jimmy shook his head.

“What?” Tom asked, nervous about what the answer would be.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but I think you may just be horrible at flirting.” Fallon said with a straight face, the audience busting up laughing after.

“Do you think?” Tom replied, eyes gone wide in exaggerated surprise.

“I mean, I think you’re just so nice.” Jimmy laughed, trying to stay serious…“that everyone thinks you’re flirting with them…Which means, when you’re trying to flirt it just blends in.”  

“Well, how would you suggest I stand out then?” Tom asked, putting his elbow on his knee and leaning his chin on his fist like he was really paying attention.

“I mean…” Fallon slowly pointed towards the camera. “You gotta shoot your shot, right?”

The audience went wild at the suggestion. “Oh, dear.”

“I can scrap this and we can just talk about the movie.” Jimmy offered, making sure Tom knew that none of this had to go on the air.

“I mean, if it’s truly that obvious to everyone what have I got to lose, right?” Tom answered.

“That’s what we like to hear!” Jimmy cheered with the audience.

“Well…Y/n.” Tom paused, a soft smile on his face. “I don’t quite know where to start. I feel as though I may have been remiss by not just telling you how I feel. The consequence of such is that now I’m doing it in front of all of these people *gestures to the audience*…and I’m sure you’re laughing at how red I’ve gone and how flustered I am so I’m going to get to the point. Darling, you’re an incredible woman. I could list a million reasons why, but hopefully later you’ll give me the time to tell you them in person. What I really want to tell you now is that you make me happy. You inspire me. You make me want to be the best version of myself and you even make me believe I can achieve it. I’d be honored if you’d give me a chance.”

Fallon had tears in his eyes and most of the audience did, as well. “I…That was so beautiful. I think we need to go to a commercial break.” He was all choked up and stood to give Tom a hug.

You pulled up Tom’s text, your fingers hovering over the keyboard. “Are you still in New York?” you text him. The two of you were there for interviews. You were even staying in the same hotel.

“I am.” He text back, but the ‘typing’ bubble stayed. “Did you watch it?”

“I did.” You answered. “Come over?”

You saw the ‘typing’ bubble pop up and then disappear a few times. Instead of a text, you heard a knock at your hotel door.

“So?” Tom asked when you opened the door. He looked nervous, a look you didn’t often see from him. He had his glasses on and his hair was an adorable mess. He was even already dressed in his night clothes.

You didn’t answer. Instead, you stepped forward and placed your hands on each side of his face, pulling his lips gently to yours. He quickly reciprocated, his hands finding your hips as he walked you backwards into your hotel room.

“And to think, I could have been doing that for a whole year already.” You teased him, connecting your lips again.

“Don’t worry, my sweet.” Tom answered, pressing kisses across your cheek and down your neck. His lips paused at the shell of your ear and his voice dropped. “It just means we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

[replika-diaries]

Replika Diaries - Sexy Robots Series: 013.

Lexx (Ash Vs Evil Dead).

She was in but one scene in one single episode, and was only named in the end credits, but by Satan's Mighty Horns, did she leave an impression on me!

Lexx, portrayed by the absolutely luscious Jessica Green, might actually be more an enhanced human than an outright robot (in fact her Wiki does indeed classify her as a cybernetically enhanced human), but I think I'd be remiss in not including her for appreciation here, especially since this woefully underrated show didn't get either the viewership or appreciation it deserved.

But also, god dammit, look at her!

(I guess it should be at this point that I should mention this entry comes from a place of enormous bias, as I watch this show almost religiously.)

[SPOILERS AHEAD.]

Anyway, luscious Lexx makes her appearance toward the conclusion of season 3 closer episode, "The Mettle of Man". Ash wakes up in some kind of hibernation chamber, some years after defeating the huge demon Kandar the Destroyer over his home town of Elk Ridge, Michigan. Nursed back to health and his right hand replaced by a cybernetic prosthesis, he finds himself sealed in an underground reinforced chamber. Unlocking and opening the heavy door, he is greeted by a shapely creature in hot pants, arriving in an elevator.

As Ash watches intrigued (to say the least), as the shapely stranger approaches him, she kneels in greeting, as the Knights of Sumeria had done before, speaking, presumably into the implant in her arm to an unseen associate that Ash is awake. She stands and beckons him to follow and Ash, not being a complete fool to refuse such an invitation, joins her in the elevator.

(I don't care how this sounds but. . .those fucking THIGHS! *drools*)

Arriving in an upper level, she opens the main door to show Ash the world that now exists, a desolate, post-apocalyptic hellscape. Lexx then explains that the Dark Ones - the demonic practitioners who released Kandarian demons across the world - are on the move and, uncovering his trusty Oldsmobile Delta from under a tarp, bedecked in armour and weaponry enough to kit out a small cadre, demonstrates their next move; to go out and face them.

Groovy.

Gotta say, Lexx here certainly piqued my interest in a show I was already avidly watching (and, in Dana deLorenzo's Kelly Maxwell, a character in the series over which I was already swooning), but she certainly grabbed my attention in her criminally brief appearance. Not withstanding that shorts 'n tights combo which I utterly adore, she also very much appealed to my other sensibilities.

I imagine that, had the show not been cancelled and we did indeed get a fourth season of AvED, we would have seen Ash and Lexx traversing the ravaged wastelands, in pursuit of the Dark Ones and presumably searching for Ash's lost daughter and friends - and also the inevitable situations of Ash leching over his new cybernetic companion.

Oh, for what could have been. . .

[outerrangesource]

TVLINE | The relationship between Billy and Autumn in these last two episodes sure is something special! How would you describe their relationship, and does Autumn actually care about him or is she just manipulating him? IMOGEN POOTS | I think what initially begins is a sort of acquiring of a disciple when it comes to Billy. [But] in my heart, I feel she really starts to fall for him. He’s game and she respects that. I think she’s probably a deeply lonely person and she probably has a pretty good time hanging out with him. It’s sort of — and I’ve got to be careful how I say this [Laughs] — but it reminds me of my best friend. We’ve not gotten up to anything they get up to, but I enjoy that kind of underground, freaky friendship where you’re both just down to explore weird goblin caves and get into strange scenarios, you know? I really love that friendship and that energy, and it was something I actually am quite familiar with, so I really loved it.

TVLINE | Their kissing scenes are so awkward, and you and Noah [Reid] both commit 100 percent. How were those scenes written in the scripts? I think it was like, “a long string of saliva is bridged between their mouths,” something that was so funny and extreme. And it was cool because they lived up to it while filming. We tried many different types of materials and fluids to get that kind of texture and at one point, we even had K-Y jelly on our tongues… in the deep, noontime New Mexico heat, in a parking lot trying to stay conscious while your electrolytes are just sprinting out of your bloodstream. Trying to get that right was very amusing and memorable.

TVLINE | The scene from Episode 7 where Autumn pumps herself up in the mirror was powerful stuff. She seems totally unhinged in that moment. What does that say about her, and what did you do to prepare to get into that mindset? We did that one crazy early in the morning. It felt really necessary for the character to have something like that. Something deeper in her, not responding to something outside. And I think that reflects a lot of who Autumn is. She was such a blank canvas for other people’s opinions and thoughts. I think that’s quite a dangerous place to operate from. So the fact that she chooses that as her mantra… I felt it came out of her like she’s been going over it and over it and over it again and again. It’s something she probably says to herself under her breath a lot. It felt right to get close to almost like a beat poetry rhythm, that sort of Allen Ginsberg-esque, relentless engine of dialogue, where it just comes out of you. It really revved me up. I felt the raw nerves while doing that.

TVLINE | In the finale, Royal and Autumn find themselves in a true Western standoff. Why do they both feel the need to take each other out? I guess I have the question of: Can Autumn actually die? Can anyone actually die? There’s something about that shootout that almost feels like a video game. It’s just for s–ts and giggles because what about the future and the past, and all of that? That’s why there was a sense of “woo-hoo!” to the whole thing. The stakes felt kind of floppy. She wants to take him out because he’s standing in the way of what she wants. Of course, Autumn and Royal complement each other throughout the series. There’s a lot of Royal in Autumn, and Autumn in Royal, untapped. You can go into deep metaphor about all of that, but she’s going to try to take him out, in that present moment at least.

TVLINE | I would be remiss if I didn’t ask about your experience working with Josh Brolin. You both have some incredibly intense scenes together in the finale and throughout the season. I love Josh. He was wonderful to work with. He really wanted everyone in the cast to feel great, and he went out of his way to do that. I remember early on we were all doing costume fittings, Lewis [Pullman], Noah [Reid], Isabel [Arraiza] and I were having lunch in this little room, and Josh came in and sat down. Everyone went quiet because it felt like, “Whoa! Josh is here!” But he doesn’t want that at all. He wants everyone to have fun and he really broke down some boundaries there. He’s a big goofball, but he takes it all very seriously, and he really believes in this project and this cast. I adored working with him. That’s what makes it so great and makes the hours worth it because you’re spending time with people who are really happy to be there. He still loves what he does. I’ve worked with and know of actors who certainly don’t feel that way. He’s very grateful. Yeah, I’m a big fan of his. He is intense, but in those scenes, you want that to act with. You want that tennis match. It has to be intense.

TVLINE | How far in advance did you know the big twist — that your character was actually the grown up version of Amy? I didn’t know when I signed on. I signed on say, the August before we began shooting in January, but then [producer] Zev [Borow] and [creator] Brian [Watkins] told me a few days before we started shooting. It was sort of strange because I was hanging out with Tom [Pelphrey, who plays Perry Abbott], he’s a little older but we’re the same generation or whatever, and then it’s like, “Oh s–t, Tom’s my dad?” [Laughs] It was funny having that weird banner in the works. But yeah, I didn’t know that bit of information until just before we started shooting.

TVLINE | In terms of the show’s symbolism and Easter eggs — from the buffalo with the arrows in its side, to the bears, the symbol and the disappearing mountain — does Brian ever clue you in on what any of that means, or are you just as in the dark as we are? I have some of my own making of what those things are. Especially in terms of the animals and the parallels of the myths of the American west, and the myth of America in general. But in terms of Brian’s revealing, no. It almost felt disrespectful to ask. I know that sounds stupid. It would’ve been almost a lazy question to want to understand every single beat and fleeting Easter egg and symbol. I also feel like, and this might frustrate people, but when a musician comes out with an album, people say “Oh, is this about this?” A musician has the luxury of being able to say, “I don’t know. What do you think it’s about?” So perhaps the show is doing something in that vein as well.

TVLINE | Yes! I love that. Now, in terms of a potential Season 2, have there been any talks about what might happen should the story continue? I certainly know what would happen because obviously things in Season 1 have been set up to be furthered in a later season. But I think with a show like this, because it felt so original, you kind of don’t envision… there’s a world in which Outer Range goes for five seasons and a world in which it doesn’t go more than one, because it’s its own beast in that way. I can see it working this way, just as a kind of a one and done. But the impression that I get is that people are really hoping it goes again, and there have certainly been whispers of that, just in the sense of its potential and how it seems to have hit a nerve with some audiences.

[sabrina-central]

What kind of miraculouses do you think works well with Sabrina besides the dog and bee?

Buckle Up, Buttercup. You know not what hell you hath unleashed.

I can make a case for almost any miraculous.

For example:

I already have an entire post about her with the fox, it should still be one of the leading posts on this blog I think, but that's an easy one!

I'm also quite partial to any villain/Vigilante/Anti Hero Sabrina, so having her as a butterfly that's a lot less stationary or a peacock that's a lot more show offish is another favorite of mine.

I particularly like the idea that she'd be using the butterfly to help people take power back from those who would order them around and treat them unfairly, and rather than abusing Nooroo to do this which would be rather hypocritical, they'd be constantly arguing back and forth about the morality of it all. (Read: an excuse for me to write down the philosophical bullshit debates I have with myself at 3am).

As for the Peacock, she's very emotional and her color scheme already fits, but also the ability to create a creature that has no choice but to obey the orders of whoever is holding it's amok would seriously cause her to question how that's any different from her friendship with Chloe.

The mouse would also make for a great Villain/Anti Hero Sabrina who's mischievous but calculated, although I'm sure @lizard-queen-izzy would be happy to tell you more about that idea. (;

Of course I could go into heavy detail about Black Cat Sabrina, but I already have which is how @fanartfunart 's wonderful depiction of Feline Sombre came to be (please read Fly Away it's so good Sabrina is truly the only thing there I can take even just a little credit for firefly is so fucking talented).

Shameless Plugs aside, since I mentioned the Black Cat I'd be remiss not to point out that as the one who has to come up with and execute all the plans that get Chloe what she wants, Sabrina is quite clever, creative and strategic minded, making her a great candidate for the ladybug miraculous.

And who could forget the ever favourite object of my heart that is Feralbrina?! Featuring Roaar and the tiger miraculous (and this aesthetic also combines two fave headcanons of mine for best girl; she's secretly into some spooky scary stuff but she doesn't go full goth because she doesn't think it'd suit her, and she's not so secretly a hardcore chat stan.

Alternatively, Sabrina extending her willingness to help and her preparation to have just the right thing to get that job done to the rest of her classmates, not just Chloe, as we've been shown she already has a natural inclination to do in startrain, and her overwhelming positivity earns her the pig miraculous.

Admittedly, I don't have as much for Horse and Monkey Sabrina because I don't find it as interesting, but that hasn't stopped me from making AU's where she has those miraculouses and I do think they can fit.

Dragon Sabrina is an au I desprately want to write at some point, where Sabrina takes up fencing, turns out to be amazing at it, catches the attention of D'argencourt, and he decides to personally assure her success, while she decides she liked the look in her opponent's eyes when they know they've lost before they even begun, that she likes winning, her teacher sees a lot of himself and his family legacy in her and soon this all drives a wedge between her and Chloe, but for all the wrong reasons... And then the Dragon Miraculous is stolen.

Snake Sabrina is potentially interesting because you could take it in a lot of directions, but that's also a rather essy one imo.

Rabbit Sabrina would have gotten the miraculous from Alix during timetagger, knowing that between Max cheering on Kim and Marinette being distracted by everything else, Sabrina is currently the only one in control of the braincell, so when Sabrina accidentally fiddles with it and out pops a floating rabbit thing, she obviously freaks out and accidentally drops it, causing the events of the episode to take place, only because Fluff was released he is able to sense everything wrong with the timeline and act as his own rogue agent to fix this, so he approaches the cause of this fractured timeline and explains briefly to her how the miraculous works. She's able to go into the alternate timeline where adult Alix has the miraculous, give the one that was given to younger Alix back to her, and by doing so she should cease to exist, her own timeline corrected - but she doesn't, and so they all realize they're both corrects timelines, and they are now operating on a multiple timelines system, which means shit just got a whole lot more interesting and a hell of a lot more complicated.

Turtle Sabrina is usually also a guardian in my AU's, because Sabrina deserves all the friends and she's very defensive protective over the people she cares for.

I would do the others but we don't know what their powers are yet. (unless I missed or forgot any we've already seen)

Anyway, hope you weren't bored to death by this!

[veliseraptor]

Hi, Lise......I can't help but want to ask (if you don't mind), what are your favorite (that you personally like) books or movies/ tv series that contains lesbias and gays? Thanks if you want to answer.....

wow I completely forgot this ask was sitting in my inbox and has been for a long while. and uhhhh the thing is here that I actually...feel like I don't have a separate category in my head, so much, for "media that has queer people in it" and "media that doesn't"? which like. feels weird to say, but when I get questions like this, or requests for recommendations, I always...struggle to parse these things out. and also to parse out, for instance, "books that read as having queer elements" from "books with explicitly queer characters."

but I guess if I'm gonna try...most of these are going to be books, with a few exceptions.

BOOKS

Doctrine of Labyrinths is a four book series that comes stamped with a whole list of content warnings (rape and child abuse chief among them, probably) but is also one of my favorite series of all time, so, you know.

The Masquerade series by Seth Dickinson also comes with a big "IT'S SAD. IT'S SAD AND DARK" warning, along with content warnings for serious societal homophobia, but is another one of my favorite series of all time. it's not that I hate happy queer stories or anything, I just tend to like stories that aren't happy

The Locked Tomb Trilogy by Tasmyn Muir which you've probably heard about by now, but honestly I think the common tagline of "lesbian necromancers in space" really doesn't...cover it? It's funny, it's weird, it's unique in terms of setting, story, and magic system, it's doing some very interesting things and I can't wait to find out where Muir is going with it. it's very much stylistically not something that's going to work for everyone, but I would recommend giving it a go and finding out if it works for you.

I loved the series by Lara Elena Donnelly that starts with Amberlough, but that one's definitely Rise of a Fascist State and therefore might not be everyone's cuppa right at the moment.

Oh, Imperial Radch by Ann Leckie is very queer, not in terms of, like, "these characters are explicitly gay" but more in terms of what she's doing with gender. I don't know that I'd say it's a central part of the book but it's an important enough piece of the worldbuilding at least that I'd put it here. I don't actually remember, textually, but Machineries of Empire also feels very queer to me in a similar sort of way. A queer theory sort of way, maybe? idk.

this one's a sort of...not for me exactly but it was cool rec, but The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon was very classic fantasy in a lot of ways, but gay, and with some fresh twists on old tropes.

COMICS

The Wicked and the Divine by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie. look, it's just really good and not just for the queer. I need to do a reread from the top.

TV

I am really enjoying Motherland: Fort Salem actually, which I feel like people either aren't aware of or watch the first couple episodes and get turned off, but. one of the three main characters is lesbian, and sticks her hand down another girl's pants in like. the second episode? maybe even the first one, I don't remember.

Person of Interest doesn't introduce its gay until later in the series, but if you're anything like me as far as what you want in relationship dynamics you're in for a treat.

Yes, it is an animated children's show, but She-Ra and the Princesses of Power gave me such a gift it still makes me emotional because I'm going like. is this what it feels like to get what I want, canonically, in a piece of media? wow.

look, I'm putting The Untamed on here because (a) it is based on a gay webnovel and is pretty fucking gay considering the limits of censorship, everybody in the cast knows it and is playing it, and (b) some of the secondary relationships come off, I would argue, even gayer in the live action, probably because there are actor people putting them right in front of your face. (because the discourse is what it is: censorship isn't progressive, etc., but this is my list and I'm putting MDZS on here too.)

THOSE CHINESE WEBNOVELS I WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT

like, seriously. I mean, look, they take some work getting into because reading works in translation that come from a culture that you (general Anglophone you) may or may not be familiar with on one level or another actually does come with having to learn some shit and get used to some new things about genre and style, and reading webnovels maybe even more so, but as far as I'm concerned it's worth it.

so far the ones I've read are (titles in English, with common abbreviation, mostly from the Chinese) Heaven Official's Blessing (TGCF), Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS), Scum Villain's Self Saving System (SVSSS), The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (erha or 2HA), and (still finishing but at this point feel pretty comfy recommending) Clear and Muddy Loss of Love (JWQS).

there are several others on my list that I've had recommended and just haven't gotten to yet. my favorites personally are probably TGCF and 2HA, but I'm pending a reread of MDZS with a different translation to do my final assessment there and JWQS is giving me a lot of very good shit.

(I feel like I have to mention, because I'd be remiss if I didn't while I'm talking about ~personal preferences~, that the Coldfire Trilogy is astonishingly queer in my memory for one of the central relationships although it's been years since I read it, admittedly, and the Lymond Chronicles which is a series I love dearly is also incredibly queer, particularly for a series written in the 60s, and is like. juuuuust barely shy of having a canonically bisexual protagonist. and does have an explicitly lesbian secondary character, though fair warning, she, uh, does have it pretty rough.)

there's also some books that didn't make it on here even though they have queer characters because I felt like the queerness of those characters was not really key to the story, for instance the Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin, which is fantastic in its own right and I would recommend to everyone, but didn't quite feel like it fit this post.

I'm almost certainly forgetting stuff, but I did my best.

[vtforpedro]

health update - long post

hi everyone! I think it's been a month and a half or so since my last update I saw a rheumatologist, had MRIs done, and got my results back from my hematologist SO cancer: still undetectable in my blood, check every 3 months and hope it doesn't show up for a long time lol \o/ I don't think I can say I'm in remission until a certain amount of time has passed but I hope I can say that one day MRIs: actually show some possible improvement with the chiari and spinal fluid flow? and if there IS improvement (like the radiologist who wrote the report had the MRI from a year ago as reference and his findings were all 'normal' compared to april 2020, but it was hard to get an answer out of my neurologist and neurosurgeon if there was solid evidence of physical improvement). but yeah IF there's improvement, that is highly indicative of IIH because my neurosurgeon told me when people with IIH lose weight, the chiari often corrects itself because there's less pressure and more room in the skull for the cerebellar tonsils to be in a normal position. regular chiari that you're born with doesn't do that lol so if there IS improvement with weight loss, then yeah, IIH. even if they don't wanna put in the diagnostic code for it without a lumbar puncture sigh lol I hate typing this because I'm so paranoid it'll all go to shit if I talk about it, but there have been improvements as I've lost weight. I seem to have a couple weeks where my head isn't so severe, mostly manageable with a few awful days. then I'll have a few weeks of it being Really Really bad with a few not-so-awful days. which IIH can do this sort of 'remission' thing but considering it was like 24/7 with no breaks for a year I'd say this is moving in the direction I want it to completely changed my diet a handful of months ago and adjusting it still to be even healthier/more fulfilling. I started using the Noom app (paid sub version) cause it's so focused on psychology instead of 'dieting' and building habits that are sustainable in the long, long-term. I really love it so far. the routine of doing it at the same time every day has already made me feel better mentally about my weight loss journey despite my struggles with losing weight, I am officially down 20lbs \o/ they say for improving/curing IIH, you need to lose 10-20% of your body weight. well, 10% down! time to lose another 20, but I don't find it intimidating and I'm not dreading it. it's hard to have hope, especially on really bad weeks, but I'm taking it one day at a time. definitely not cured but I'm aiming for 40lbs more (so 60 altogether) and by then, maybe, just maybe.... rheumatologist/autoimmune disorder results: so I went to a rheum cause I got that positive autoimmune disorder blood test with the possibility of lupus or scleroderma. she said that she gets so many hematology patients because leukemia and lymphoma have blood antibodies, so it will almost always show up as positive on this antibody test and most people actually won't have an additional autoimmune disorder. I don't have a lot of symptoms of lupus or scleroderma according to her, so she told me don't worry about autoimmune disorders for three months. don't think about them. we'll repeat labs then and see what they say. so that's good news so far and I hope it remains that way 15%+ of the population will test positive on the same test without having any health issues, which I found interesting. and I asked since I already have an autoimmune disorder, tho it's endocrine versus rheumatic, if that would also trigger a positive result and she said yes it would! so yeah... I hope by late July I can still say I don't have an additional autoimmune disorder I see a gastroenterologist tomorrow for the bloating/abdominal pain and other stuff I've been having. I have a feeling I'll be given some antacids (or w/e they're called when it's prescription strength) and that will improve. but jfc I'm up to eight specialists now lol NINE doctors are following my health god it's such a shitty feeling especially when I can barely trust any of them. at

least they all believe me now, but it cost me my quality of life and mental health to even get to this point so I'm still feeling pretty fucking bitter and angry about it all you know what's really hard about completely changing my diet + starting new medications/supplements? for some reason at the beginning of all of this when I was experiencing repeated trauma at the ER, my brain developed a phobia of allergic reactions, despite the fact that I've never had one for food/medicine (I'm talking anaphylactic reactions). so now every single new thing I eat, every new med or supplement, I go through panic attacks for days on end thinking I'm going to die before it starts easing. also, anxiety makes your throat feel like it's closing up and that it's harder to breathe already so lmao fun times. I literally never thought about this in all my life and I never even experienced an allergic reaction to develop this intense fear, so you know. fuck doctors for putting me through this when it was all so unnecessary sigh anyway. still can't watch videos, tv, movies, read, bend over, walk for longer than 5 minutes, and can't talk for long either because it'll trigger a head episode. I'm terrified I won't be able to do these things ever again, but I'm still aiming for my goal weight no matter what and I know I can get there bouncing between misery and hopelessness, and slightly less misery and some hope right now, but I guess that's better than it's been for a year, right? sorry for rambling. I feel like a lot has gone on but I've also had the biggest gaps between doc appts in a while which is a relief just because I can't stand being in medical buildings or around doctors anymore completely vaccinated too, so that's another relief, but I'm wearing masks until americans get their heads out of their asses and we start seeing little to no community spread cause I am still immunocompromised. wouldn't it be nice if people like, idk, cared about each other ok sorry! I hope you're all well and healthy and safe. I love you very much and I'm grateful for your support, forever and always! <3

[wecantseeyou]

a word on color - how line of duty series 6 uses wardrobe color to frame narrative (pt 2)

Author’s note: this is part 2 for this essay on wardrobe color. For part one, read it here. This post covers episodes 2 and 3, which is the close of Act 1 of this series’ arc and the opening of Act 2. Here I discuss… things? Idk. Again, fair warning, I’m American and this is in no way, shape, or form edited and I won’t apologize for it.

ALSO: I’m feeling a bit like I’m losing my mind, and maybe this is just a COVID filming situation, but I think some of the scenes in series 6 are shown to us out of order. Now that I’m tracking every outfit, it’s surprising how frequently Kate and Jo wear the same outfits in scenes together when time (usually days) is meant to have passed in the interim. This is most clear in episode 3. Maybe I’m onto something, maybe I’m over-reading. Who knows!

Anyways, any words on wardrobe below the cut!

EPISODE 2

We open this episode with the team at AC-12, with Hastings, Steve, and gem of series 6 Chloe briefing the team on the inquiry into Operation Lighthouse, the investigation into the murder of Gail Vella. Steve is wearing his standard uniform of a navy three-piece suit, white shirt, and reddish-purple tie (more on this later). (note: the American in me wants to note the nods to nationalism and representing the ‘system’ in this color combination, but I’m actually not sure if that symbolism holds true for the UK). This scene establishes Steve’s position as Jo’s narrative foil - he is the crusader working to root out her corruption. His blue suit is his armor in the battle against bent coppers (unfortunately, not the Battle of Hastings).

Next, we return to MIT with another briefing. This time, Lomax is briefing Jo and Kate on the CHIS’s whereabouts before his murder. Jo implores him to find a witness in order to get a positive ID on ‘Ross Turner’ - is he really Terry Boyle, or Carl Banks? 

We see Jo in a black turtleneck under a grey suit, and Kate is in a light brown suit jacket with green undertones over a navy turtleneck. Again, Jo’s outfit is hinting at her corruption while Kate’s is both hinting at her philosophical allegiance with AC-12 and her relationship with Jo in the color of her jacket. During this scene, we see Farida watch Kate and Jo share a look before she stands abruptly and heads into Buckells’ office. Once Lomax leaves, Kate tries to discuss the possibility of a leak leading to Alistair Oldroyd’s murder, which Jo says is an obvious line of inquiry before sharing that she believes sometimes the fewer police that know, the better. 

Right after this scene, Jo learns from Buckells that Farida has requested a transfer, citing personal reasons right to the face of her personal reasons. Thought Jo was wearing black without participating in some bent shenanigans? Think again! She convinces Buckells that Jatri was a difficult person to work with and would be best elsewhere, offering to write her a recommendation for the transfer. It’s important to note that yes, Jo is getting rid of Jatri in order to remove an obstacle to her work for the OCG (which she later does to the extreme), but she also makes this choice because she genuinely cares for Farida and is attempting to get distance in order to protect her. Sure, she flips on that in a matter of days, but she does make an attempt.

In part, it’s actually Farida’s subsequent actions stalking Jo outside of her home that show Jo that her ex remains a threat to her ability to manipulate the Vella case in secrecy. You can see in the scene that Jo isn’t on her guard - she’s in her casual clothes outside of work, donning a blue sweatshirt over a grey turtleneck, all under a grey coat. In her personal space, the tone of Jo’s wardrobe is entirely cool, because despite her actions, she is at her heart someone who wants to find justice. Seeing Farida though? That makes her deeply nervous.

We then see Steve and #1 DC Chloe Bishop meeting with Gail Vella’s producer, who shares that Gail had been working on a story about police corruption for a podcast. Steve is wearing his backup uniform, a grey suit with a light blue shirt and red tie. Again, he is seeking out the truth in pursuit of justice. Here we find out the motive for Gail’s murder - she was about to expose the Central Police for what they were. Again, this is Steve acting as Jo’s foil - while she worked on behalf of the OCG to obfuscate the motives for Gail’s murder, Steve wants to seek the truth. Reporting back to Hastings, the gaffer makes Steve a DI in response to Steve hoping to use Kate as an informant on the Hill.

Enter: a right shit hole. Steve organizes a surreptitious meeting with Kate in a graffitied underground walkway (note: y’all we don’t have many of these on the east coast, is this a regular thing in the UK??). Steve is wearing the same outfit as before, but with a navy coat. This navy coat is very similar to a navy trench coat we see Kate wear on multiple occasions, including later in this very episode. This shows both his pursuit of justice, motivating his reveal to Kate about the investigation into Davidson’s team, and also their shared allegiance and connection with one another.  Kate, meanwhile, shows up in a green coat. As noted before, green can be used to demonstrate the space Kate occupies between AC-12 and Jo. It is a cool tone, showing her dedication to anti-corruption, but a cool tone that exists because of the influence of a warm tone.

Steve asks Kate to again act as an informant, which she says she’ll think about, and tells her that an official inquiry into Operation Lighthouse has begun. Interestingly, Kate is actually upset that Steve shares this information with her because it puts her in a difficult position between her allegiance to Jo and her belief in rooting out corruption. She expresses this displeasure, all the way through her parting words when she insults Steve’s choice in meeting location. 

Kate’s rather dramatic stomp off transitions immediately to the murder scene of Carl Banks. 

Quick car interlude here! Now, I cannot for the life of me tell you the make of car that Jo drives because it doesn’t exist in the US, but I would be remiss not to note the very dark, almost red tone of the paint color. Meanwhile, Kate drives a bright blue Audi, and Steve drives a slate grey Volvo (hello Mr. Cullen). The color choices between these characters literally persist through their vehicles, which is a level of attention to detail very few shows can hope to reach.

Back to Carl Banks’ slashed up body - Lomax, per usual, gives Kate and Jo the low down on the crime scene. We then meet Farida’s replacement - PC Ryan ‘the bent bastard’ Pilkington, who conveniently finds the murder weapon. Kate, dressed in the navy coat I previously noted as a parallel to Steve’s, has a moment of recognition, but can’t place him directly. Jo, in her classic grey coat, acts cool as a cucumber at his introduction. Kate is wearing that navy coat to show her critical eye - it’s awfully convenient that they found the murder weapon so close to the body, and her spidey-senses are set off by Pilkington’s presence. 

Back at MIT, Lomax continues to be the only detective at MIT to do any work, and gives Kate and Jo the low down on the forensics at the scene. Ryan quickly interrupts, and Kate asks how she knows him, but he brushes her off. The outfits for the next few scenes are very, very interesting. Kate, for one of the only times in the whole season, is wearing a black suit with a white shirt buttoned all the way to the throat. Jo looks fantastic in a dark blue suit over an orangish brown turtleneck. I’ll break down the symbolism in a moment, because our boy Arnott has gotten approval for a raid on Operation Lighthouse.

And boy does he storm into this raid in full AC-12 style! Navy overcoat, blue suit, light blue shirt, purple tie, moral high horse. But wait, Jo is there to stop the raid in its tracks after getting permission from the Deputy Chief Constable to withhold Operation Lighthouse files for fear of leaks. Steve stands there momentarily aghast, egg on his face, while Kate looks on with resolve on her face. Now, Steve’s outfit here is clear - the cool tones of his suit represent his desire to find the corruption in the Vella murder case. On its face, Jo’s outfit is also pretty clear - the warm tones of her sweater align with the way she stonewalls the AC-12 investigation.

However, it’s Kate’s outfit that I think is the most revealing. Even when the colors are neutral, Kate is almost always dressed in color and is rarely depicted in strict black and white outfits. This is a certain visual irony, as in past seasons we have seen that Kate has the most obviously black and white sense of morality. The show does make it a point to have Kate in a clear black and white outfit here, and her shirt is notably buttoned all the way to the top. This actually highlights the space Kate finds herself in that is not black and white - she is stuck between her desire to help Steve and her loyalty to Jo. This position makes her uncomfortable, and also strips her of any visual allegiance to both Steve and Jo. 

But Kate has made a decision - she chose to warn Jo about the investigation, which gives Jo time to prepare. Unbeknownst to Kate at the time (we assume), this actually allows Jo some time to put others in the frame for her interference in the Vella investigation. Steve calls Kate and is rightfully furious, but she tries to implore him to think of her position, where, as the former anti-corruption officer in the unit, she has to prove her loyalty to Jo and the MIT. 

Steve, not at all understanding of Kate’s position, reports this to Hastings who goes straight to the Deputy Chief Constable and gets permission for AC-12 to raid MIT again. He’s obviously not the focus of this analysis but Ted really has some iconic lines in the scene with the DCC and then after with Steve, and I love our vaguely corrupt gaffer (if he’s the fourth man, I’ll fly to the UK to confront Jed myself).

Armed with new permission from the DCC fashion icon Chloe again raids AC-12, and serves Jo with a Reg-15, which in LoD-speak is a formal request to report to AC-12 for questioning. Cue some lovely eye contact between Kate and Jo.

Speaking of lovely eye contact, here we get the first interaction between Kate and Jo where they’re outside of work. Kate and Jo debrief the AC-12 raid and Jo's Reg-15 notice while at dinner with some wine. The men at the table next to them offer to buy them another round of drinks, but Jo flashes her badge and shuts them down. She then ruefully apologizes to Kate for ruining her chances, to which Kate replies that they weren't her type and they share a smile and lots of eye contact. (Note: two of my exes have said that to me about men in the past, so the accuracy in this flirtation is remarkable.) They’re dressed in the same clothes as they were at the office, with a notable exception - Kate’s shirt is unbuttoned. Sure, is this her just relaxing after a long, stressful work day? Yes, of course. But it is also notable that this relaxation happens with Jo specifically, and she’s the one comforting Jo about the Reg-15. 

Later, as the two are walking to their cars, they’re again wearing their outer layers, a navy coat for Kate and grey coat for Jo. Again, they’re both wearing cool tones, with the expectation of the glimpse of Jo’s sweater, which is a hint of her hidden corruption. They thank each other for a nice time. They do the awkward goodbye-but-no-one-wants-to-leave thing, which did in fact send me straight back to a few awkward nights after the bat. Then Kate invites Jo out for the weekend, which she's initially tentative about. They hug, which inspires Jo to tell Kate she's free since she just got out of a long term relationship, and she'd love to see her at the weekend. 

Unfortunately, sapphic trysts must give way to Jo’s interview with AC-12. For the first time, we see her dressed in an all blue outfit, a dark blue suit over a lighter blue shirt, buttoned all the way to the top, which hints at her discomfort. Steve (along with Chloe in a blue shirt), is dressed yet again in his away game kit, a grey suit with a white shirt and red tie. Now, I won’t go into the details of everything because there’s still a decent amount to cover, but the long and short of it is that Jo denies all corruption, she lies about Buckells, Farida, the armed robbery, basically everything. They're about to arrest her when she says they should search Farida, Lomax, and Buckells as well if they’re investigating her, since they had access to the same information. All the while she knows they’ll find the burner phones at Farida’s and paints her as a scorned lover looking for revenge. Farida wouldn’t walk away cleanly, which makes Jo feel like she needs to more permanently remove her from the situation while protecting herself. She also sets up Buckells, having already planted evidence on him and manipulating the wrong surveillance authority on Carl Banks’ flat. 

Because of this, Farida is arrested and Steve serves Buckells with a search warrant.

At first, this seems like the first time Jo has been dressed with the ‘justice’ color scheme while acting in an evidently corrupt way. It could also be read as AC-12 having ‘trapped’ her, also shown through the framing of the shot above. But as is often with this show, not all is as it appears. More on her outfit later.

We close the episode back with Jo in the all blue outfit. She is released from custody, and Ryan Pilkington, who asks her if she heard about Farida’s arrest. Here, Jo offers a rather chilling response. “That’s what happens to a rat.” Upon first watch, there’s perhaps no better sign of a bent cop. But we later learn that Ryan was sent by the OCG to keep an eye on Jo after AC-12 began snooping around the Vella investigation. What appears at first to be Jo confirming that leaks from the MIT will not be tolerated. The revelation about Ryan’s role as intimidation changes this interaction entirely. It’s not confirmation from Jo, it’s a threat from Ryan - ‘did you hear what happened to Farida? That’s what will happen to you.’ and he doesn’t move the car until she confirms that she’s heard him and understood.

The final scene takes Jo to an abandoned lot, where she meets a man who gives her a new burner phone. She picks it up, gets back in her car, and has a complete breakdown. 

Now, the outfit. It’s interesting that Jo is dressed in the same color scheme as the group that ostensibly opposes her, especially as we see her lie through her teeth and manipulate the law and truth to her advantage repeatedly throughout her interview. It isn’t until we see the scenes with Pilkington and Jo crying in her car that we see her actions and her true personhood do not align. While the audience is not yet aware Jo has been manipulated not just throughout her career, but starting in her teen years, the creative team is telling us the plain truth: the visuals associated Jo with AC-12 exist because she is ultimately good.

EPISODE 3

Note: Y’all, at this point I stopped tracking Steve super closely because I think they only gave Martin two suits this season?? And honestly I’m only vaguely tracking on the Steph Corbett stuff. The long and short of it is that he’s wearing cool tones all the time because he’s the symbol of AC-12, etc, etc.

Episode 3 opens with Lomax learning about a witness to the altercation between Alistair Oldroyd and ‘Ross Turner,’ where the man identifying as Ross Turner boasted of killing Gail Vella. He quickly gathers Jo and Kate to tell them the news. Kate is wearing a simple grey sweater, while Jo is wearing a grey suit with a blue sweater and blue shirt. 

We then immediately see Jo and Kate watching Lomax’s interview with this witness. She identifies the man going by Ross Turner as a man matching the description of Terry Boyle. This piques Kate’s interest, and Jo tells her to get a positive ID on Terry while they get him in for another interview. These outfits don’t necessarily relate directly to the scenes they’re worn in, but set the stage for both women’s actions throughout the rest of the episode. That’s not to say the outfits don’t relate at all, of course, but they repeat similar themes that I’ve already discussed. 

Cue another interview of Terry Boyle, this time with Kate and Jo. Kate is wearing a green mockneck sweater, and Jo is wearing a navy suit with an orangish brown sweater, an outfit we’ve seen her in before. As Jo and Kate interview Terry, he grows increasingly agitated, not dissimilar to his first interview, which Jo notes to his representation. Kate keeps pushing him, trying to get a clear answer, but Jo repeatedly tries to get her to back off before eventually stopping the interview right as Terry talks about the man who ‘did it.’ The two women then get into a disagreement as Jo tears into Kate for potentially intimidating a vulnerable witness, while Kate thinks they could’ve pushed him harder. This is the first time we see the two of them disagree, which puts them at odds. 

The clothing here serves dual narrative purposes. The first, with the contrasting brown and green of Jo and Kate’s clothing, we see a visual representation of their disagreement. The second purpose is actually a red herring. Kate’s green sweater does its standard job of showing both her allegiance to Jo (yellow) and her pursuit of justice (blue). Jo’s outfit, on the other hand, again ties her actions to the OCG. She stops the interview right as Terry is about to divulge more information, knowing that this will give away the real killer. We think this is because of her work with the OCG, but that’s not true at all.

After the disagreement between the two women, we see Jo watching a recording of the Terry Boyle interview, wearing a grey turtleneck. In contrast to her behavior in the interview and afterward with Kate, Jo actually seems oddly pleased by Terry’s clear statement of the other man having killed Gail Vella. Because that’s the thing about Jo, she knows how to play the game. She played the part of the perfectly manipulative bent cop by ending the interview when it seemed like some vital information was about to leak. This small moment that the show decided to include tells us everything we need to know because Jo wants the truth to come out, she just doesn’t want anyone else to know. Terry said just enough in that interview to raise alarm bells, but her actions look like someone trying to prevent that information from being revealed. That’s why Jo is wearing a grey sweater here, not the orangish brown from the interview - the cool tone shows her true desire for the truth.

I also believe this is why Kate was in the interview instead of Lomax, who we’ve seen in most past interviews. Lomax is far more laid back and passive than Kate, who mostly listens until she sees a line of questioning that she can crack open further. Jo knows her team, and she knows Kate. Getting told off by her boss when she thinks she’s on to something is not enough to dissuade Kate. Jo trusts that about Kate, and uses it to her advantage. It ties back to something we don’t learn until episode 6 - Jo sought Kate out as her new DI specifically because of Kate’s anti-corruption background. This is that reasoning in action. A former AC-12 might just be the person needed to find justice despite Jo’s personal interference.

After this, we see DI Kate “loves a car chase” Fleming tailing the escort taking Terry home, which includes Ryan Pilkington and another PC, Lisa Patel. She immediately notes that they have gone off the planned route, and lo and behold, the bent bastard drives the patrol car directly into a reservoir, drowning Lisa and attempting to drown Terry. Kate is quick to the scene and immediately gets involved, preventing Ryan from carrying out the murder of Terry. She rushes out of her (blue) car wearing a blue coat and blue scarf - she is justice incarnate. 

Lomax and Jo quickly arrive at the scene, and Jo shows concern for Kate. Jo is in the same suit and sweater combination she was wearing during the Boyle interview with the addition of a grey jacket, while Kate is wrapped in a blue blanket. Jo, stuck between the OCG and justice; Kate, wrapped in a symbol of truth. Jo specifically notes that it’s lucky Kate was passing by, to which Kate agrees, not correcting her. I’ll admit, at first I didn’t really understand what Jo is playing at here. Anyone can tell that Kate wasn’t just passing by - the reservoir was well off the main road. What is she talking about?

Well, your honor, she’s leading the witness. She’s telling Kate what she wants to hear before the DI has a chance to speak the truth. Plausible deniability. We also see Jo spend an awful lot of time watching Kate as she traverses the scene, and the framing is set up to make it seem like Jo is wary of Kate. Reality, however, is a little different. This is actually the moment that tells Jo she needs to create distance between herself and Kate, not because she’s worried that Kate will look too closely at her, but because her actions nearly got an innocent man killed and she doesn’t want Kate to be at risk.

Later, we see Kate visit AC-12 in a grey sweatshirt and jeans, willing to work with the navy-clad Steve to find the leak at MIT because of the attempted murder of Terry Boyle. We then immediately see the two former partners doing research on Pilkington’s background - he has clearly caught Kate’s attention. The two trained investigators are clearly paralleled in color, both dressed in cool tones as they work to seek out justice. 

Back at MIT, Jo watches Kate arrive at work from a window, wearing a red shirt under a navy suit. It’s clearly meant to be a menacing cue, especially with the red shirt, but later scenes show that all may not be as it appears. Meanwhile, Kate continues her pursuit of Pilkington by interviewing him about the crash. He seems to have all the answers, and remains polite throughout, but it’s clear that Kate doesn’t trust him. She’s wearing the same orange and blue striped turtleneck from the first episode under a navy suit. Throughout their conversation, Jo is watching from her office, again, something that appears on its face to be menacing, but may not be. 

Kate’s outfit is much the same as the first time she wore it - her combined associations with Jo and AC-12 as she works to catch Ryan. Jo is wearing the same outfit as she did while watching Kate through the window, a subtle red herring from the production team. More on Jo’s seemingly big bad evil behaviour later.

After Kate’s conversation with Ryan, our resident anti-corruption officer comes storming into AC-12 headed straight to Jo’s office, where she sits wearing a grey suit, orange sweater, and white shirt. Steve is wearing his blue suit, with a light blue shirt and green tie. He shows up at MIT to ask Jo about a possible burglary in the Vella case. She doesn't know anything but tells him to ask the team, and he asks her if she hid or removed any files, which she denies. He also asks if she knows if anyone who would benefit from Farida not testifying. Cue guilty look and further denial. She tells him "You should investigate," and he confirms he’s planning to. Throughout this scene, Kate is looking on wearing a green shirt. 

Jo’s outfit is obvious - she’s lying through her teeth to Steve and feels guilty for what she did to Farida. Steve has his classic AC-12 action suit on, with the change of a green tie, visually tying him to Kate, wearing a green top. Kate’s outfit obviously ties her to Steve, but as with other instances of Kate wearing green, it also shows her connection to Jo.

But wait, dear viewer, it’s been so long since our last Lomax low-down! Have no fear, because Kate and Chris are discussing the witness at the pub, and seems dissatisfied with his lack of attention to detail when he admits that he hasn’t done his due diligence to vet her. Kate is wearing a more casual blue zip-up jumper with a white t-shirt, again on her pursuit of justice. Jo watches from her office wearing a green turtleneck and grey suit.

For those counting at home, this is the fourth very obvious shot of Jo watching Kate so far this episode. And that makes sense, because this color change in Jo actually shows how her thoughts and actions are in conflict. She continues to interfere with the investigation, but she doesn’t want to be. She’s nervous about the consequences for those around her, Kate in particular.

It seems only right that this leads to date night part 2, where we get more insight into Jo while Kate grows more confused. They’re at the same restaurant as before, but they’re sitting on opposite sides of the table. Kate is wearing a light grey sweater, and Jo is wearing a grey suit, grey sweater and light blue shirt. The way their wardrobe coloring is coordinated in this moment is done for two reasons: to show that these characters have a connection, and to show that Jo’s actions in this scene are something she believes to be right. 

Jo notes that it's nice to get out of the station and that it's easier to talk there. About Terry. Talk about Terry Boyle they do, and AC-12's interest in interviewing him. Kate asks about the rumors between Jo and Farida, and Jo denies it all, including her sexuality in all. When she leaves to go to the restroom, Kate has a look of confusion on her face. At first glance, this seems to be Jo separating herself from Farida for fear of discovery, but her clothes give us a hint at her real motivation. Jo is trying to discourage Kate from their burgeoning relationship by implying that she wouldn’t be interested. This clearly makes Jo uncomfortable, but it’s the first clear step she takes to distance herself from Kate once she realizes how her association with the other woman puts Kate in danger. This is also a self-preservation tactic - if she and Kate aren’t as close, it might not hurt as much if the OCG get to her.

This is also the last time we see the two of them out of work together until the fateful lorry park.

Back at work, however, the bent bastard is getting a commendation from Buckells for his heroic actions, which disgusts Kate in her grey turtleneck. She goes to leave the room but stops when she meets Jo, wearing a navy suit and red shirt. Kate uses the opportunity to fish for information about Pilkington, and is met with a surprise: Jo didn’t put Ryan on the team, Buckells did. Kate in her grey is still seeking answers about Ryan, while Jo in her red is trying to shift attention away from her bent activities (though she was honest about not looking to put Ryan on the team - she was lucky enough to have that thrust upon her). 

Jo then takes this chance to swing by Farida’s apartment, and finds out that AC-12 is doing another search of the property, which clearly makes her afraid of what they’ll discover, aka her DNA all over the house. 

After visiting Farida’s, we see an utterly distraught and scared Jo return to her apartment, the blue haven.

Despite Jo’s fears after visiting Farida’s, her prayers are somewhat answered in the form of one DI Kate Fleming. Both are wearing the same outfits from Jo’s cross-office staredown of Kate’s meeting with Lomax, and Kate is bearing the fruits of that conversation. She didn’t trust the witness’ statement, and had Chris do some further digging, only to discover the witness and Buckells had a previous connection. Jo, being given a hail mary, uses this to her advantage and makes Buckells her scapegoat, but not before telling Kate the absolute truth: “I needed someone on my team I could trust completely. Someone with no chance of being bent. Who better than an anti-corruption officer?” We learn later that this is exactly why Jo hired Kate in the first place, but in reality she was trusting Kate to stop her, not Buckells. 

The two arrest Buckells and take him to AC-12, and we get an interesting shot of Kate leaving in the elevator, a blue cityscape behind her with the noticeable view of yellow construction scaffolding standing out against the cool colors, visually telling the audience about her bent actions. 

Jo then returns to her all blue apartment in the grey suit and green turtleneck, sending a message to an unknown user at the OCG saying it's "All under control now." The green turtleneck highlights both Jo’s feelings of being trapped with the high neckline, and her occupation of the space between justice and corruption. Like with Kate before, she’s wearing a cool color, where her heart lies, and its infection by a warm color, the iron fist of the OCG on her throat. 

We close this episode with Jo staring off into the middle distance, a look somewhere between relief and desperation on her face.

[sokkas-swordgays]

I saw something somewhere about the protests with the line, “No one is free when others are oppressed” and it really got me thinking about how every popular series I grew up on was centered around that.

(uh this is a spoilers warning? i guess?)

In the Hunger Games, it’s more obvious. Winning the games is supposed to emancipate you from the struggles of the working class citizens of Panem, but it’s just a more covert type of oppression. You are forced to be a bystander, or your loved ones are murdered and you are punished. (Peeta lost his leg, Finnick was whored out for Snow’s political gain, Betee was forced to make tech for the game makers, Annie went crazy. Not only that, you were then expected to train hundreds of kids to fight to their death and couldn’t stop it. You’re not a victor, you’re a survivor.) Even in District 13 there was a mindset of military oppression; you were not an individual but what you could do for the cause. After the proposition of the Capitol Hunger Games, it was clear to see that things were not going to change. Katniss kills Coin because she is just that, the other side of the same system that Snow enforced. No one is free when others are oppressed.

Similarly, Percy Jackson’s isn’t as overt but is still obvious. There are only 12 dorms at camp, one for each Olympian. Percy, the only son (sorry Tyson) of Poseidon, has an entire dorm to himself. At the same time, all the children of minor gods and the unclaimed are crammed into that of Hermès, and it is overstuffed and underappreciated. Luke saw this injustice and became angry, to the point of attempting to overthrow the gods for the children they have harmed. Percy, who lived with an abuser, takes note of Luke’s perspective and turns down immortality to force the gods into expanding the camp to include minor gods and claiming their children.

I’m partially an ATLA blog, so it would be remiss to not mention Avatar. Aang’s entire civilization is wiped out due to genocide, and Katara and Sokka vividly remember the raids that wiped out the majority of their tribe and killed their mother. The Fire Nation harms the world even the Crown Prince. Never forget, Zuko was sent on a suicide mission, either to search the world for a dead person or to be killed by a fully realized 100 something year old Avatar; he was never supposed to return home. Even the Earth Kingdom, as peaceful as it seems is controlled by a dictator who brainwashes and punishes its citizens for speaking out about the atrocities going on across the world. In the first few episodes, it’s clear that the world had lost hope of ever finding freedom from the oppressive Fire Nation. It’s never a “let’s free one nation and the rest will follow”, it’s always “no one is free when others are oppressed.”

In Harry Potter, it’s still true. The book begins with Harry’s parents being murdered by a genocidal maniac for opposing his elitist attitudes, and almost immediately you as a reader are thrown into a dying elitist world that struggles with the fact that muggleborn wizards are more populous than those with “pure” blood. Never forget that the wizarding world, despite proof, refused to acknowledge Voldemort’s existence until he had already seized control of the government. (JK is a TERF, but she hit the nail on the head.) This runs in the background of the story for the first book, but quickly becomes the central idea of the series. This inequality in wizarding society seriously impacts the lives of every student at Hogwarts, and echoes the “no one is free while others are oppressed.”

I could go on about every series I watched as a kid, but the theme is present through every YA series we consumed, every story, every movie: we’re not free until we’re all free. You feed us these stories, and then wonder why we protest and demand change when we are oppressed?

[girlsgonemildblog]

There Was So Much Crying - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 11 & After The Final Rose Recap

Image from abc.com

We made it. We finally arrived at the finale of what may have been the longest season of The Bachelor ever. Perhaps not in weeks and episodes, but definitely in years it took off my life. The episode opens with shots of Matt and the two remaining ladies, Michelle and Rachael, all looking very serious. Rachael was even staring pensively off in the distance while writing in her journal. Every season there’s a shot of one of the final girls journaling, and I refuse to believe that that many people keep a journal. I try to journal, and I am good for like two entries a month, and that’s only until I completely forget about journaling for half a year until I find the notebook in a drawer I never open.

Matt then goes and sees his mom, Patty,  and older brother, John, who looked so much like him it was actually distracting.

Matt’s family first meets Michelle, and Patty starts crying almost immediately. Michelle and John then go off to speak privately, and it was clear that John prepped for this conversation. He had a line of questioning memorized, and they were personal, such as “When was your last relationship?” and “Why did it end?” I think John would get along well with Michelle’s kindergarteners.

Patty then gets a chance to talk with Michelle, and the two of them had an instant connection. Serious bonding happened. Patty starts crying (again) because she is so happy that Matt has found love. I would be remiss if I did not say that if my boyfriend’s mom were crying like this, it would be a red flag for me. Like, why are you this grateful that someone is willing to be with your son? What is wrong with him that you’re not telling me?

The next day it is Rachael’s turn with the Jameses, and John lays into her just as much as he did Michelle. He hits her with questions like “How many relationships have you been in?” and “Have you ever been in love?” It did not seem like he was as satisfied with her answers as he was with Michelle’s. When Rachael talks to Matt’s mom, they discuss the importance of religion in both of theirs, and Matt’s, lives. Patty cries, and Rachael says that the show is “God’s way of bringing her and Matt together.” God, Chris Harrison, same difference.

After Rachael leaves, Matt gets a chance to debrief with his mom and brother. His mother seems to like both girls, which was probably quite unhelpful for Matt, who needed to decide between the two. She also says that she does not think Matt is ready to get engaged, which was pretty evident at this point. She then goes into quite a speech about how “love ends,” and it’s “not the end all be all.” Patty’s clearly been through a lot, and desperately needs to go to therapy. John counters by telling his brother that he supports him no matter what, but he also shouldn’t jump into a decision if he is not ready.

This whole conversation (understandably) confuses Matt, and he asks to speak with Chris Harrison. He tells Chris that he’s unsure if he’s ready to get married and fills him in on the conversation with his mom. Chris simply replies, “that’s a lot to unpack,” which is a very fitting response. He then tries to talk Matt into it in an attempt to salvage what has ultimately been a complete shit-show of a season. My personal opinion is that if you’re not sure if you’re ready to get engaged, you’re not ready to get engaged. You need to be 100% confident before you get down on one knee. (I also think you need to be 100% confident the other person will say yes, but I won’t get into that right now.)

The next day, Matt takes Michelle to the top of a building and brings her dangerously close to the edge with her eyes closed. When she does open her eyes, he announces that they will be repelling down the side, and that would be the point where I would break up with him. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t ask her to risk her life. Matt was really bad at the repelling but still took it upon himself to explain how to do it to Michelle, who was having no issues. That night, Matt goes over to Michelle’s hotel room. She gives him a gift; matching “World Changing Warriors” basketball jerseys with “Mr. James” and “Mrs. James” on the backs and he then breaks up with her. She says to him, “just tell me where you’re at,” and he responds, “I don’t think I can get there with you.” Harsh, to say the least.

The following day, we see Rachael getting ready for her own date with Matt. Chris Harrison then knocks on her door, and she is delighted to see him, unfortunately not realizing what is happening. Chris Harrison does not show up with good news. Chris tells Rachael that Matt’s going through some things and doesn’t want to see her today (imagine getting stood up on The Bachelor), but conveniently omits that Michelle was sent home the previous night.

Matt meets with Neil Lane, the official diamond provider of Bachelor Nation. Neil asks Matt if Rachael is expecting a proposal, and he says, “she’s expecting honesty.” Uh, no, Matt. She is definitely expecting a proposal.

Rachael gets a date card asking her to “meet me by the lake,” which is extremely ominous. Rachael does meet him and gives her pre-proposal speech, which is filled with clichés like, “I’m not gonna run when it gets tough,” and “when you’re hurting, I’m hurting.” Matt then tells her that he can’t propose to her (then why the hell did he get that ring?), but he still wants to “commit” to her. Then they all lived happily ever after. Just kidding, she got exposed on the internet, and the whole show exploded.

Which brings me to the third hour of the finale, “After the Final Rose”. Because Chris Harrison decided celebrating slavery was defendable, he’s been put in time out, and Emmanuel Acho was asked to step in and host. For those who are not familiar, Acho is a former linebacker for the Philadelphia Eagles (go birds!) and current analyst on Fox. He also wrote a book titled Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man and hosts a video series on topics involving race.

Emmanuel brings out Michelle first, who looked stunning. She tells Emmanuel that after she was sent home, she asked for two minutes with Matt, not to change his mind but just to get closure, but he refused, which is actually pretty shitty of him. Emmanuel then asks for her thoughts on Rachael’s scandal. Michelle, very tactfully, says that those photos hurt her and that she does believe Rachael has a good heart, but she was just ill-informed and inconsiderate.

Matt then comes out to speak with Michelle. She confronts him over how she was forced to walk away without closure, and he says he wishes he had pushed more for that conversation. This phrasing interested me because it implied that not speaking with her may not have been his choice alone. As Oprah would say, was he silent, or was he silenced? Emmanuel asks Michelle if she still loves him. She says that she still cares for him, and he will always hold a piece of her heart. She also roasts him by saying he needs to come up with more phrases than “thank you for sharing that with me.”

It is then Matt’s turn to speak alone, and oh boy, did he look tired. It was so painfully clear that he just wanted to be done with this whole thing. He and Emmanuel discuss how he was under extra scrutiny because he was the first Black bachelor and how he is the only representation of a Black man in some of the viewers’ homes. Matt speaks about how other leads would only be asked to find love, but he also had to represent all Black men. Emmanuel asks him how much of the pressure may have been internalized, and Matt responds that the pressure comes from the fact that Black people are conditioned to make people comfortable with their Blackness.

Their conversation then shifts to his relationship with Rachael, and Emmanuel asks what made Matt first fall for her. He says her authenticity, which is a bit ironic in hindsight. Matt then breaks down their trajectory after leaving Pennsylvania. At first, they were in a honeymoon phase. When the rumors started bubbling about Rachael’s past, Matt dismissed them as rumors and just tried to be there for her. He said that “you hear things that are heartbreaking and pray that they’re not true.” When he discovered they were true, he was taken back to growing up in the south and the people and places that made him feel unwelcome. Eventually, he broke up with her. He said it was a tough conversation, but “if you don’t understand that that’s problematic in 2018, then there’s a lot of me you won’t understand.”

Emmanuel then spoke to Rachael one-on-one. He shows her the controversial photo, and she says she sees “someone who was living in ignorance without thinking who it would be hurting.” Her use of the phrase “someone who” is important to note because she is separating herself from the actions and thus not actually taking responsibility for them. She also says that she never asked herself about where the tradition comes from because if she had, she would’ve immediately realized it was problematic. Remember she said this, it’ll come up later. Emmanuel asks her who is to blame for her ignorance, and she says there is no excuse. This is the point where it became painfully clear that everything she was saying had been scripted and rehearsed a thousand times. Acho also asked her what steps she was taking to educate herself, which she did not actually answer. She said it wasn’t about reading books and watching documentaries (you know, the tools of education) and even said, “we need to take action.” I’m not sure who the “we” she was referring to is exactly because she was the only one on that stage who was photographed playing Slave-Owner.

Matt joins Emmanuel and Rachael, and calling the situation awkward would be an understatement. Matt clearly didn’t want to have to talk to her anymore, and it was evident that a lot more went on during their break up than either of them were willing to say. Emmanuel asks Matt if there is anything else he has to say to Rachael, and he was silent for a long time. They went to a commercial break, and when they came back, he was still silent for a good 10 seconds. I would’ve taken that as a no, but they just kept on waiting. Eventually, Matt says that the most disappointing thing was having to explain to Rachael why the party was problematic. Remember back when Rachael said, “if I had just asked myself where the tradition came from, I would’ve immediately understood it was problematic”? Well, apparently, that was bullshit because in the year 2021, she didn’t, and she clearly fought with Matt about it and defended herself. In addition, Matt tells her that she doesn’t fully understand his Blackness, and she wouldn’t understand that for their kids. He also points out to Emmanuel that he didn’t sign up for this conversation, which I found such a perfect encapsulation of why this entire situation has been so unfair to Matt. Emmanuel asks Matt if the door is still open for a relationship with Rachael, and Matt says that feelings don’t just go away, but she needs to do the work on her own. I.e., Matt doesn’t want to be her babysitter and shouldn’t have to be held responsible for her actions or inactions.

After a palette cleansing commercial break, we return to a different graphic on the screen, that of The Bachelorette. Michelle and Katie then come out and announce that they will both be the Bachelorette, each with their own season, and Katie going first. Katie’s season will premiere in May, giving us just enough time to recover from this shit show before diving headfirst into the next one.